#all different types of loneliness too. all different causes....oh god....
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i love it when the little guys in my head are lonely. even in fact i think to burrow their way into my head with a rusty spoon in the first place they have to be a bit lonely probably. at some point
#once in my head i will decide if i want to remedy their loneliness or amplify it but i think well there is nothing like a lonely little guy#all different types of loneliness too. all different causes....oh god....#take your little guy. any sort will do. and then bam...make the little guy lonely...leave to cool for half an hour + then dust with sugar..
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iâve been rereading your not [] series and WOWOWOWOWOW i love it sm. the writing? mwah chefs kiss đ€đœ the soul crushing loneliness is felt throughout the whole series and as the reader i can really feel every single emotion y/n goes through while reading itâs amazing. iâm excited for part three to see how it all goes down most importantly y/nâs reaction. i can only imagine the intense anger theyâll probably have after getting taken back to the manor. theyâll be angry cuz of the kidnapping thing but also it took them going missing for their family to acknowledge them. thatâs a whole different type of anger and frustration. trying practically all your life to get your familyâs attention, to them notice your there, all for it to be vain but the moment youâre gone and donât exist, just like theyâve been treating your whole life, suddenly they notice. they felt guilty after realizing the damage theyâve done to you and just NOW they want to fix even though youâll probably be carrying the trauma of the neglect for life so whatâs the point of trying to fix it now? especially at this big age? the anger y/n must feel at this is insane. thereâs also the fact that if y/n *does* want to give in to the sudden affection thereâs that fear theyâll just leave again. they get kidnapped, imprison in what was their once home with high security, are being bomb with a bunch of love from their family theyâve never received before and then suddenly itâs gone, all their left with is just their freedom being taken away. y/n most likely feels intense anger, maybe even hatred, at their current actions but also fear of their future ones. itâs the perfect soup of angst and mannnn iâm eating it up.
sorry for the ramble i just wanted to let out my thoughts on your series but to sum it up i LOOVE your series and iâm patiently waiting for your next chapter to continue to see what of y/nâs fate becomes đ«¶đœ
I'm so glad you're enjoying the series!!! And oh my god I love your interpretation as well!!!
As I've kind of stated/hinted at through various posts (I promise a masterlist will be made soon because there is a lot of things now that are piling up-), I don't really tend for Y/n in the "Not [ ]" series to get kidnapped just yet (not in part 3 anyways), but I think we all know that it's bound to happen considering things. And it will!
Honestly, I think a lot of people are kind of overestimating how 'loud' Y/n's anger, frustration, hurt, and pain will be in part 3, and it does make me a little worried about the reception of it. However, depending on one's interpretation, what the reader does instead can make the angst that much heavier. Because, well. They don't get that 'relief' that can sometimes come with shouting out your problems to the world- especially to the person that caused you such pain for such a long time, as it is also kind of acts like an unmistakable "hey!!! i'm fucked up and it's all your fault!!! i'll never forgive you for this and want nothing to do with you!!!" message. Though it is a mix within itself.
However, you are right, honestly!
Y/n in the start of the "Not [ ]" series is upset enough. Not only towards the family, but all the time they feel like they've wasted to try and just have a chance to just... get something they never had. All they wanted was a relationship, some kind of connection with anyone in the family besides Alfred, anything. Which is also mentioned in "Not Tonight" as there is that repeating theme/mention of Y/n doing too much but receiving so little, if not, nothing at all, for their efforts.
So just knowing that â as you've said â it basically took them essentially 'giving up' and being gone for months, for the Batfam to notice them? To try and even attempt to give not even half of what the reader had tried to before? Yet was rejected at every twist and turn? Up until this point?
Yeah, no. Y/n is plenty pissed, and incredibly hurt. Among other things as it's just... too little too late. Way too late.
Yet why I also say that I feel as if others overestimate how Y/n is going to express their anger, and how loud about it they're going to be, is because... well- this is a small kind of character spoiler, I guess, but they feel so detached from the family that the very thought of the Batfam even looking for them, is unfathomable. They don't realize at first how the Batfam is looking for them (despite the obvious signs), because it's never happened before, not even on accident.
They never got saved when they got into fights. They never got help when shit got tough. They were never heard, seen or even acknowledged in the house besides Alfred unless they initiated the 'conversation'. Why would they think that anyone who's acted to them like that, and wouldn't even let them exist in their space for a few minutes, go out searching for them? To put in even the smallest effort towards finding them â and because they were worried for Y/n's health no less â and not because they were the absolute last resort? They wouldn't. They don't.
It's a part of why part 3 goes the way it does, but again-its a part. The other pieces make it bad as well. Though that's all the spoilers I'm willing to give on that, which will go more indepth in part 3 itself (hopefully).
Basically, Y/n is a mess. Everyone is in a way, and that's what makes everything go to hell.
Y/n is angry, yes, but it starts quiet before it gets loud. Along with everything else.
So if and when Y/n does get kidnapped... hm.
I did say in a previous ask that depending on how it goes that Y/n would fight back if they're able to and such depending on how the kidnapping itself goes. And though I won't say much on Y/n's reaction in case it does go into future parts if more than 4 are made, I will say that you're right to assume that Y/n is incredibly pissed. You're also right on the whole idea with them being worried about the family basically neglecting them all over again, when everything is said and done. And that's great!
It's a mix. A whole push-and-pull deal where, yeah, even if more shit hits the fan- their own trauma will, in a way, protect them as well as make their life more miserable than it already is. Y/n'll probably never be able to naturally get close with the Batfam, not without 'help' anyway.
But these are yanderes. Their definition of 'help' is a little... twisted.
Though, yeah! And don't worry about rambling- I clearly do the same seeing as I think this whole post is almost just as long as what you wrote. So it's fine! If anything I really did enjoy reading it! Seeing all these different interpretations, and thoughts about the series and other things is incredibly interesting and I love it a lot! Especially with Part 3 on the rise.
#talking daydreams#platonic yandere batfam#yandere batfam#yandere x gn reader#sibling reader#gn reader#yandere dc#platonic yandere#neglected reader#i still find it funny how that got me rambling too- lol!#sorry if these thoughts are a mess and unclear my brain is kind of dying at the moment
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Thaks for the tag @damadisangue! Lesse:
When did you start writing?
I remeber as a lil tentacle in human 3rd grade writing this meandering, long, just where was this boat going like 25+ page story for English class and just had a ball in making up the story. I didn't care that the story was a hot mess, I unknowingly realized I liked lore building. But, I realized that after I wrote it one, I went way over what the class wanted cause of my overachieving tentacle tendency and two, that I hated editing, grammar and all the boring English stuff. I didn't try to write a story again till many years later and realized the story itch had come back to me.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
I actually, genuinely like slice-of-life and very inspirational/good vibes type of stories. But I simply like writing drama and assholes too much to write that sort of stuff often.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
My writing style recently got compared to the book House of Leaves. I need to read this but considering the few pages I've seen, I'm honored and can see the comparison at points.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
My big black desk with a standing desk attachment to force my tendriled self to get up, covered in paper that sometimes gets neatened only to get it ruined again due to time or my cat familar. Headset, dual monitors, pc w normal tentacle ergonomic peripherals, crystals, eldritch symbols covered in dark purple black ichor. Normal desk set up.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Do a ritual seance with burnt wormwood and channel into Nemesis' headspace. Find myself mentally projecting on the 56th astral plane with spoitify playing something dank and bizarre to mortal ears and chant ioioioioioio-
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
sheding of human fear sheding of human loss yet knowing such removal only brings more weakness to the fore the loneliness of being the only one the question of faith both internal and external to want is to long to love is to harm until you become one's true self free from greed, from selfish power games and inflicted misery and living in truth not lies strength in finding self not fighting for a control that isn't yours to demand no gods but us no masters but us utter the lies the waking profane io io io
What is your reason for writing?
breathe and become as we only can bring you hope-
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
- oh and we're back. Sorry, I had a walk about and forgot to finish this. But I hope to be known as a trolly, yet fun author that challenges your sense of taste, and makes you question what is. Though, being known as that fucking persistant Nemesis and Jill shipper is good enough, lol.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
Um, I can make up shit on the fly and not need drugs to do so, ig?
How do you feel about your own writing?
Eh, my pre 2010 stuff I think are lame but meaningful as my baby steps as one has to start from somewhere in this dimension?. I think I hit my stride in 2020 when I entered my erie sacrilegious era but so far, I'm pleased that my writing is passable and singularly me.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
Pfft I've never given a damn about what is popular in the greater fandom or fleeting reading trends. Readers will get from me stories under my terms as I've had to fight tooth and nail to get to where I'm at and so, this tentacle writes for themself first and foremost and secondarily to entertain. I am a showtentacle at heart after all. I do enjoy when readers read, mind, but love it most when they take this betentacled offering from me and savor it, like really eat into it and see the wormy layers of plot and intricacy I've baked into there. Just envisioning them consuming, ingesting my work, feeling the trailing of my worms down their throat, into their belly to really get what I'm putting down is wonderful. Hoy, my minions! Feel free to join in! @naerwenia @vopecata @coiled-dragon @s-dei @lmshady
@depraveddoveâ @the-bar-sinisterâ @unchartedperilsâ @sweet7simpleâ @meltic-dazeâ
@misch3fbunni3â @autistichalsinâ @villaindevoteeâ @coffinliqueurâ @scrogglesâ
@goth-automatonâ @azulas-daddy-kinkâ @katophoenixâ
and whoever else wants to I'm not your parental aid (edit: what is with tumblr not tagging ppl ahhh)
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BLCD Review: Ikigami & Donor
Title: Ikigami to Donor (ă€ăăŹăăšăăăŒ)
Author/Artist: Yamanaka Hiko
Shop: CD + Manga
Release Date: 2021/12/03
Cast:Â
Nakajima Yoshiki x Saitou Souma
Yamashita Seiichirou + Kawanishi Kengo
Kobayashi Chiaki
Yashiro Taku
Komada Wataru
Hayashi Miho
Shiozaki Tomohiro
Higa Ryosuke
Abe Ryouma
Torashima Takaaki
Oota Kensuke
Nakashima Takuya
Fujita Mami
Miyama Mari
Souya Kazuki
Synopsis:Â
"Your blood and flesh, all of it is mine." An ikigami and a healer, together their souls support each other, blooming into love...
In the distant future, ordinary teacher Yoshino learns that he is a "donor" for the strongest species, the "ikigami." These warriors are tasked with protecting the country. "The unique ability of a donor is to use their bodily fluids to heal ikigami." Yoshino learns this fact and is shocked. Thus, Yoshino is forced to live with Kidou... At first, he is like a beast, demanding Yoshino's bodily fluids, but slowly, the underlying loneliness begins to show...
"Someday, if I met a donor, could they come to love me? That thought is the only reason I survived..."
Review Proper
I canât believe Yamanaka Hikoâs been terrorizing me for over twelve years now. OH MY GOD IâM SO OLD. And true to the Yamanaka Hiko brand, this turned out to be another fantasy masterpiece (read His 500 Years of Suffering Romance). This was definitely the type of thing that would do great even without the BL aspect of it. Now, I did have an issue with Kidou being an asshole (he's almost killed Yoshino more than once), so Iâm not excusing it. But I do get how and why he turned out to be like that and I'm aware that it's important for his character development. The world-building was great, don't get me wrong, but it's definitely dubcon 2015. I would strongly advise you not to get into it if that's a deal breaker for you.
Anyway, onto the voice work.
Souma used a tone so close to Gucci's that I kept imagining Gucci being Yoshino. Yes, I didn't read the manga while listening to the BLCD. It was like after graduating Karasuno, Gucci went on to become a teacher, then a donor lmao. His Yoshino panics more like Honda-san, however, so my final verdict is that his Yoshino is half-Gucci, half-Honda-san.
This isn't Nakajiki and Souma's first rodeo, but I'm glad to say that their performance/dynamic here is different from Mikeneko and XL Size. I expected Kidou to be a mix of Amano and Anaconbayashi-kun 'cause the former was cocky and the latter was stoic, but Kidou was only 50% of that mix and 50% brooding, suffering, I'll-protect-you top. Am I even making any sense? Again, I listened to the BLCD first, but the sound direction they gave Nakajiki was very different from what I thought he'd sound like after I read the manga. Itâs almost like what happened with OnoDâs expressive Hasebe-kun in the Kotonoha BLCD vs the more stoic Hasebe-kun in the manga.Â
The voice work of our two leads was đ. This might just be my fave out of their pairings 'cause the sex isn't over-the-top like XL Size and Mikeneko. I will say that I wasn't completely sold on Yamashita Seiichirou as Shibata-san 'cause I feel like he speaks too slowly, but I'm sure it'll grow on me by the time I listen to their spin-off. KawaKen was fine. My heart broke for him every time Shibata-san rejected him, so it's safe to say he's got Taki-kun down already.
Oh. I did have a slight issue with the sfx too. Why was it so watery??? Lmao. Even r18 otome cds aren't that wet. But it's not so glaring that it'll turn you off.
The BLCD was almost perfectly accurate to the manga. I highly recommend this to those learning mid to higher levels of Japanese. Futekiya has licensed volumes 1 & 2, so please try to support the official release if you can. I'd be lying if I said that I agree with how they translated it so... literally?, but I think it's also important to see how things are translated that way if you're aiming to dip your toes into translation aside from studying the language. For example, they used "Living God" throughout the manga instead of "Ikigami." It's correctly translated, but I personally prefer retaining the original title. You know, like how Viz uses "Kaiju no. 8" instead of "Monster no. 8?"
God knows if I'll ever survive the spinoff that I wanted to work on. I avoided talking about it for a reason lmao. Anyway, if y'all liked this, then please give 500 Years (Ono Yuuki x Suzuki Tatsuhisa) and Shortcake no Ichigo Sawaranaide (Nojima Hirofumi x Takeuchi Ken). These two are android bls and Ikigami to Donor is more guide bl, but they both share a futuristic vibe.
#blcd reviews#blcd 2021 reviews#ikigami to donor#ginger records#yamanaka hiko#nakajima yoshiki#saitou souma#kobayashi chiaki#yashiro taku#komada wataru
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I understand why. This is the loyalty and love I hope to find someday.
"All that seed needs is to be loved just by one person in the whole desert".
-Saya
Saya I could never be convinced to hate you. Her loneliness has caused her to need someone to understand her pains. Her pains come from things that make her lonely. Like.. people. They can never get along. Fate has made it understandable for one person to understand her pains. Thatâs all she needed, she doesnât exactly realize this in the beginning. And now loneliness has caused her to create a devotion. She got hurt when she turned a man crazy by doing the same thing to her lover. And she regrets it. Fushi came back to protect her from dangers of the world. Again fate. (We donât know how but it happened) while a bigger power or something caused it or the sequence of events whatever it may be.] but he reassured her that he is everything he has and shares that same weirdly same type of loneliness.â The only difference.. His loneliness turned out dark and pessimistic. Saya loneliness turns out bright and optimistic. Maybe itâs just their soul thatâs dark and light. None being bad itâs just how it is. But yes I can relate to both loneliness types. I guess u can call it my shadows, as in shadow work. Ummm.. whatever that means but. I have the same devotion led by loneliness as them. The type is, devotion led by loneliness. Oh and when saya tells him ftcyhbhhgyvfttf when he asks why does he love him out of all people at the time he didnât know what she was going through she is just really desperately hurting like he was and devotion guided by love NO THATS DIFFERENT⊠love guided by devotion to anything other than a LITERAL GOD can be a sign of pain and trauma. Thatâs me im devoted to any person I have a connection with. Except I only fear A SELECT FEW PEOPLE. not saying wat it is but I react the same as fugi just not as dramatic and intense. Mine is very subtle to the outside but inside I can share the same pain just not react on it bc thatâs far illegal. But yea. Not all want me and some do want me but most of the wants r driven by erotic male instinct⊠(seeing a womanâs body and having to hold back for only so long) He already knows itâs wrong too bc he warned her. Fate has led her to be ok with it but., anyways, yeah only most men will use a womanâs body bc itâs accessible but when saya almost got it by force that was all the sign she needed to be afraid of men. Every illegal action that wuld be easily caught from a person was all guided by her love for a man while the man enables this behavior, she thinks itâs okay. She understands what illegal is and sheâs confident she can get away with it so of course she will do it.
Knowing what it is and experiencing something is like a two completely different universe.
"ăăăŻă ăăźç æŒ ă«ăăŁăăČăšăă ăă§ăè±ăæăăŠăăăäșșăăăăŁăŠç„ăŁăăšă
"All that seed needs is to be loved just by one person in the whole desert".
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that . dream sounds disturbing :D for some reason nowadays ive started to get more disturbing dreams as well ? they cant be described as nightmares because well i wasnt exactly scared ?? by them but they were ,,,, yk . disturbing . idk maybe im too desensitized to things my brain just either emotionally damages me or is like HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT [ throws random disturbing thing / content ] in my ânightmaresâ sometimes -
NOT THE LONELINESS đđ i relate except im may or may not be legitimately lonely lmfao . a lot of those frickin popular uquiz quizzes call me out for it and im like ïżœïżœđ€ âïžâ
lmao haitham is picking up cynos humor ?? not clickbait real ???? memes aside thanks for more portrayal validation i love rping alhaitham ( esp with kavehs ) theyre so fun - oh yeah i also have this
ngl since i have an alhaitham pfp on discord , i was kinda reading my messages in his voice cuz i was slandering language LMAO ( imagine alhaitham pronouncing âbalognaâ the way its spelled . made me giggle ngl )
im pretty sure aster has been my oc for almost a year now ( I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS THAT LONG BEFORE GODDAMN - ) so they have . an unholy amount of lore at the moment . i rlly need to modify the lore though because me and my friend ( we both made genshin ocs and theyre like partner ocs ) made our ocs before the release of sumeru where we got more information about irminsul and the leylines â which was vvvvvv important for my friends ocs lore â so now a lot of our stuff is either minorly outdated or some of our lore would just make a lot more sense done a different way đđ
even tho asters forever home ( well , as long as dilucs around ig ) is dawn winery , they travel teyvat a lot , which ties into their original name :D they wander the world too lmao ( its totally not an excuse to make them friends with all the character i like wdym hahahahahahahhaha ) . NGL THEY PROBABLY ALL MET AT THE TAVERN - whenever asters in mond ( a lot of the time bc obviously their house is there ) they work at angels share and like aster would walk into the tavern for the first time for like . a drink . dunno what kind of drink but then they just SEE this random ass kid from THEIR FALLEN ASS NATION and go âWTFâ and promptly find out he is a fucking dumdum stoopid head and then regret ever coming to this place /j at the beginning kaeya and aster probably did argue at the bar a lot , these two khaenriahns WILL cause diluc to lose his sanity but its okay because then they can all cuddle by the fireplace when theyve all agreed that theyre okay with eachother ( they love eachother /p theyre just all in denial . ) . overall ragbros + aster relationship is just pure chaotic fluff and angst - sometimes they go out to murk all the fatui outside in mondstadt ! fun !! and oh god i typed WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS LMFAO
THE VOID BRICK WALL LMAO ah yes such a beauty is the unknown of the brick wall , it contains all the vastness of the universe in one block and you may observe every galaxy in its grain . also NOT THE TREE CRASH đš
WHEKJDKDND YEAH I NEED A THOMA ROOMIE IF I EVER DECIDE ITD BE OKAY TO MOVE OUT IN THE FAR FUTURE BECAUSE I DONT THINK ID HAVE THE MENTAL ENERGY TO CLEAN THE PLACE ONCE A WEEK - and if i didnt id probably go crazy because i cant stand the feeling of dirt or sand on floors âŠ.. bleh .
I ALWAYS STRUGGLE NO MATTER WHAT NATION LIKE . THERE WAS AN OCULI NEAR DAWN WINERY THAT I ALWAYS SAW THE DUMBASS SPARKLE TO ON THE MAP AND THEN IT TURNS OUT I NEED TO FLY A L L T H E W A Y UP SOMEWHERE TO GET IT LIKE . ARE . YOU . KIDDING . ME - it took me one whole year to figure out how to get that oculi . maybe im just stupid
omg you can NEVER mention dragonspine / winter patches around me im . IMPOSTER ALBEDO AND FELLFLOWER . they make me insane . i fucking USHXISJDIEIHDHSHAHAAAAAAAAA albedo / rhinedottir lore . alchemy in genshin impact lore . i am so . i will go feral the next time dorian / rubedo ( impostorbedo ) appears in story , wether it be event or not im . im insane thats what i am âŠâŠâŠâŠ hahaha âŠâŠ đ€
sometimes i forget people farm friendship exp .. im a super duper lazy player who absolutely despises grinding with my entire soul ( im the definition of âlore playerâ /hj ) i almost never switch out my team unless for fighting elemental bosses or enemies lmao -
DUDE MY CLASSES HAVE BEEN ACTUALLY SCREWING ME OVER WITH PROJECTS RN IM LOSING MY SANITY /nsrs im suffering so much . im losing so much precious sleep âŠâŠ starts sobbing uncontrollably
i really like milk and white choccy too lmao - probs bc i just cant rlly handle bitter things but OH WELL ! my absolute favorite kind of chocolate is like any kind with strawberries / strawberry flavor in them , recently one of my friends shared some valentines chocolates she got from her boyfriend with our friend group and i gotta say that strawberry chocolate they had in there was ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPDIDDILYUMPTIOUS . it had pieces of dried strawberry too it was just . MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
DUDE where i live we have these things called mochi donuts and theyre so good ( ngl you can probably guess where im from just from googling mochi donuts lmao - ) regular donuts r yumyum good but mochi donuts are so satisfying to consume LMAO - but man i havent had a cinnoroll in AGES .. i think im just a pastry enjoyer in general lmao , strawberry , apple , and guava pastries are my life .
tbh i dont think any reply would ever be too long for me to read , like you could probably write me a 3 page essay as a reply and id sure as hell read it LMAO i ramble a lot too so that just makes the both of us đ
HEIDJEKJD favorite song questions are so hard , right now id have to say either undercover martyn - two door cinema club if you just wanted my music taste im gonna list a bunch of artists now because i am a free advertising machine when i like things : owl city , the neighbourhood , chase petra , lovejoy , everybodys worried about owen , and uhhh everything from the epic: the musical sagas
ZE QUESTION ! whats your favorite like ambient sound ( city noises , water , leaves , etc etc ) and why :0
wOOO SATURN EMOJI đȘđȘđȘđȘ I LOVE SPACE !! CYA NEXT TIME đ«đ«
- jellyfish ( or alex idk lol )
oh my god HI AGAIN ALEX i'm sorry that i wasn't able to reply to this sooner đđ my inbox has been wonky for some reason and it finally worked today (thank god), i hope this won't happen again đđ€ i miss talking with you so here's a really long reply hehe hope you don't mind!
i've had my fair share of disturbing dreams lmao, and i've also heard that if you get those kinds of dreams then it means you're dying early??? i don't really believe in superstitions though so i'm not exactly worried about it LOL
your alhaitham rps are hella funny LMFAO i always think of alhaitham of someone who'd slander a lot of things especially when it comes to languages (since he canonically speaks 20 languages), i also see him as someone who'd mispronounce words or pronounce words as exactly what they're written (like you said) and say it with such a straight face đ i feel like if you ever tried explaining it to him he'd be like "what do you mean this is pronounced as baloney? why is it even spelled as bologna if you're going to pronounce it so wrongly? what has this system become?" and i'm just going to be in the corner laughing my ass off at how blunt and unintentionally funny this man is
aster lore is back again!!!!! seeing you mention that aster was created before sumeru and how it's already been a year since their existence made me realize how long sumeru has been out for,, sooner or later we'll be getting fontaine in no time đ” but back to aster! it always interests me how you have this whole background story of aster which is HELLA cool and stuff and how you keep up with the genshin lore too! i think it's such a nice touch for them to be related with the ragbros tooâ i can just see their silly little arguments and silly little moments they have together. i'm also sure as hell the moment aster sees the khaenriah eyes (well,, eye... to be specific) in kaeya they'd be like "oh hell no." too SJDJKJS it's just so funny thinking of the many scenarios of their first encounter could play out
oh trust me, i hate cleaning my room. if i ever have a roommate one day, i am praying to the lord that they're the most strictest person on earth so that they can make me move my ass around đ i'm just not the person who has the energy to do all that often
don't get me started. the oculis in mondstadt are actual hell. like i'm literally not kidding. how can they call it the nation of freedom when i have no freedom trying to get all those oculis when i was in such a low ar? /j
jokes aside the locations of those oculis in mondstadt were so... brutal. i remember using those oculi compass things and the locations they showed at stormterror's lair were so????? some of them were up at the sky and my low ar ass was so confused on how to get up there,, i also remember there was this one that was hidden in like a pillar and i actually had to get my ass up the highest hill there to fly down into that pillar because somehow they won't let me climb the pillar up... those were truly my darkest times lmfao
WINTER PATCHES!!!!! i really miss them haha i was so excited during the snowman event back then and i made a bunch of cute snowmans and taking pics of them with kazuha. hope hyv bring back the winter patches ASAP âŒïžâŒïž WE NEED MORE ALBEDO LORE âŒïžâŒïž also idk if you have done the windblume story event but just in case i'm still adding a spoiler alert;;
i'm guessing we got some rhinedottir lore? well it was only mentioned that she's apart of the hexenzirkel and she called herself a mother to albedo (despite the many things she's done that would say otherwise lmao). but fetus bedo in the cutscene is so cute hsjdjdjjs and it basically implied that his hair wasn't tied like that but instead he was created with that hair style đ bros really just magnificent without even trying
i'm so very interested with rhinedottir/albedo/durin/dorian lore like i just know that there's more to what we know currently.... but we probably won't be getting much anytime soon considering how deep rhinedottir's lore is sobs
LMAO i get what you're saying with being a lazy player,, i myself have been detaching myself off from genshin impact recently and it's quite relaxingâŒïž i don't panic that i missed out on daily's anymore and i hope it continues that way đ i log in once in a while to do the events and disappear again for the next week
ahhhh the thought of school projects and assignments makes me squirm kwdjdjdj my break basically ended and i start school on monday so hahaha.... i'm back to hell again </3 so not ready for the heavy workload . hope you're getting enough rest!!! school is always so hectic hhhhh hope you're managing well
dried strawberries in strawberry chocolates????? SIGN ME TF UP(!!!!!!!! i love anything related with strawberries they're literally the best. thing. to ever. EXIST! mochi donuts sound so good looking at the pictures on google made me want to just . chomp them following the shapes one by one. donuts are absolutely scrumptious.
guava pastries?? :0 never heard of them but i'd definitely try them if i could ever get my hands on them, any pastry MUST be tried out by meâŒïžâŒïžâŒïžâŒïž *evil laughing intensifies*
glad that i have someone to ramble stuff with!!! at least i won't suffer by keeping all this excitement to myself while rambling stuff on this blog âïž
just listened to undercover martyn!!! i think it's kinda stuck in me now LMAO the sick beats are getting to me,,, and the beats lowkey remind me of remember when by wallows which is one of my favourite songs by the band!!!
OMG OWL CITY?? HAHA this is truly ironic because i used to love his wreck it ralph song when the movie came out!! this gave me so much nostalgia and kinda made me want to watch the movie again LOL đđ overall your music taste is so>>>> you made me discover new artists like chase petra and lovejoy!!! i'm currently in love with beabadobee shdjdh some of my favourite songs from her currently are you lie all the time and dance with me đđ€
oh this question is interestingâ i pretty much love oceans the most, if anything. the sound of waves and the chilly wind gives me so much comfort for some reason, and somehow the smell of saltwater never bothered me,, despite my dislike towards salt in general LMAO.
other than that, i think this might sound weird . but i kind of like the sound of the hustle and bustle of flea markets too. they can be kind of overwhelming sometimes because of screaming children and whatnot- but for some reason i enjoy listening to people talking with each other whilst buying stuff sjsklk very odd but it's interesting to see what other people are up to. it's so very fascinating to see the human life evolve and for me that's comforting somehow đ”âđ«
a question for you!!!! what's your favourite season and why :D
i better not get ahead of myself with my rambling and end this off here. hopefully my inbox won't shut down again like last time!! i was so upset that i couldn't reply to your ask and ended up replying this really late đ thrilled to see your reply soon!!! have a nice day alex đȘđȘđȘđȘ (YES SATURN EMOJIS WOO!!!)
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pre-slash steddie fic idea. had a different idea for the dialogue but i forgot while writing the intro whoops
-
After everything, Steve decided to throw a little celebratory âWe all somehow survived again!â after Vecna. Itâs taking place at his house, from 5-11pm. Around 7, all of the kids (âWeâre not kids anymore, Steve, Weâre teenagers!â âWhatever helps you sleep at night, Henderson.â) made their way home to leave all of the older kids to mope around.
In hindsight, Steve shouldâve just made a crap ton of gift baskets and given them in person. He almost wishes he left with the kids but, again, theyâre at his house.
Everyoneâs in pairs, somehow. Jonathan with Nancy; Argyle with.. Jonathan? And Robin with⊠Nancy.
Okayâ maybe not solid pairs but certainly not with Steve. Steve, whoâs all alone. Steve, whoâs currently watching Eddie who is, well, also alone.
Steve at least expected Robin to keep him company but he must have underestimated her crush forming on Nancy. Not that he could blame her, of course. Nancy was a force to be reckoned with. But still. Heâs whiny and lonely and he doesnât want to be alone, damnit. They recently saved the world.
Steve, somewhat drunkenly, decided to make his way towards Eddie. The man looked lonely just like Steve, so he figured that was reason enough.
Eddie noticed Steve a few steps before he was in front of him. Steve thought he saw some wariness flash across Eddieâs face before he schooled it into a confused, thin smile.
âHey, man.â
âHey, yourself. Got something on your mind, Stevie?â
Steve averted his eyes to stare at the carpet in the living room. (Stevie Stevie Stevie) A wine stain was barely peeking out from beneath the rug. (Stevie) Clearing his throat, Steve looked back at Eddie. He tried not to notice how pretty his eyes were.
âEveryoneâs in pairs and youâre alone and Iâm alone andâ fuck, um. Wanna pair?â Jeez. What happened to being a smooth talker?
Eddie huffed before saying, âIs this your way of asking me to hang out with you?â
For a second, Steve felt irrationally disappointed and repressed the urge to say, No! I want to pair. PAIR pair.
âNo. Pair pair.â
Aw shit.
(The only source of light in the living room came from a single lamp in one of the corners, so Steve wasnât sure if the red creeping up Eddieâs neck was his imagination.)
â.. huh?â
Shit. How does he backtrack from this?? Good going Steve. That was the type of smooth he wanted to slip on and crack his head. God, what??
Steve must have been silent for a few too many seconds because when he tuned back into reality he noticed Eddie started squirming in his place on the sofa.
âSorry, I mean. Yeah. Hang out. Like a pair. âCause everyoneâs kind of pairing up right now and, well.â Full sentences Steve, where had those gone? He was never this inept at previous parties while drunk.
Eddie visibly relaxed and threw a smile at Steve, albeit still a little tense. Patting the spot next tp him, Eddie said âWell then I invite you, my liege, to sit on this humble spot next to me.â
Steve plopped down, narrowly missing the wink Eddie threw his way. Steve propped his feet onto the coffee table and watched his hands as he messed with the beerâs bottle cap.
âSo. Howâre the bat bites treating you?â
âSame as you, I sâpose. Itâs kind of sick we got matching scars, huh?â
Steve glanced up to meet Eddieâs (pretty, so pretty) eyeâs again. Eddieâs eyes were watching Steve, glancing between Steveâs eyes as if watching his micro-expressions. After a bit of hesitancy, Steve mumbled, âyeah. Metal,â and hoped he used the term correctly.
Eddie broke out into a very bright grin.
(his smile is as pretty as his eyes, oh no.)
All wariness seemed to leave Eddie after that. Their conversations went smoothly, almost as if something clicked between them. Steveâs bitchiness left as his loneliness faded.
Before either of them knew, it was 10:55 and the others were getting ready to leave. Robin and Argyle were a little more than tipsy, but theyâd both be grabbing rides from Jonathan and Nancy. Steve bid them farewell until it was only he and Eddie left standing near the doorway.
âSo-â Eddie started, at the same time Steve said, âWell-â.
They looked at each other and chuckled, eyes never leaving each other. Eddie pressed his lips into a thin, wide smile that showed his dimples. Steve tried not to stare.
Steve shot him a warm smile, leaning a little on the wall. Softly, he said, âI guess Iâll see you around, Munson.â
Eddie, standing up from putting his boots on, equally as soft, âI guess so, Harrington.â
Before Eddie entered his van, Steve jogged down a few steps and met Eddie, the driver door dividing their space. A little breathlessly and loud in the quiet of the night, Steve told him, âDonât be a stranger, man. Youâre welcome here any time.â
Eddie did the thing again where his eyes darted between Steveâs, searching for something. After a moment, he grinned. (Teeth and dimples and all the glory.)
âThanks, Harrington. Iâll hold you to that.â
Steve didnât walk back into his house until he watched the vanâs tail lights disappear.
#steddie#tw italics#so many#idk man#idk where i was going with this#first fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#fanfic#stranger things#rushed#kind of#sorry
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until dawn; pt. II - ljn
part I | part II
†summary: basic number one rule of the museum is not to touch the art. but no one told jeno that falling for one of them isnât allowed either.
†pairing: jeno x female reader
†word count: 12.2k
†genre: ANGST, fluff, romance, smut (f receiving, dom!jeno waow, dirty talk, wrap it everyone) | broke architecture major!jeno, historical figure!reader, enemies to lovers!au, college!au, night at the museum-inspired!au
†warnings: references to actual historical figures, explicit language, graphic details, major heartbreak caused by another party, expect time jumps too
†authorâs note: happy jeno day!! iâve been so excited to post this part, and iâm happy weâre here!! perhaps, this is the last long fic iâll write for a while so i can rest, but iâll still be posting short stories within the weeks to come! iâm excited for may to say the least hehe
btw, for the smut scene (indicated with **), i highly recommend you listen to strange (feat. hillary smith) by kris bowers!! this song is from the bridgerton soundtrack, and oh man, the feels!!
with that, enjoy!
italicized text either means they are personal notes or flashbacks.
this was meant to be more angsty, but either way, i screamed every time i wrote something gut-wrenching.
â€Â taglist: @renjunniehome
â †ctto above!!
† leave me some feedback, constructive criticism, or hellos!
âYou ready to get your butt beaten by me, Lee?â
âPrepare your final words when I win instead, (Y/L/N).â
Mischievous banter exchanged between you two became a new norm. Almost every night, someone within the art pieces established a contest over anything and it released the competitive sides of you two. So far, Jeno has been winning. Not like it hurt your pride, but maybe just once, you could conquer one game to feel better. Not only that, thereâs a mini penalty for the loser. So far, youâve cleaned up the lobby yourself and acted cutely to everyone the entire evening (or aegyo as Jeno called it).
Tonight, a game of archery was held by the Greek gods. They pushed away any extra pieces away, leaving the whole room vacant with two boards right beside Zeusâ throne. Numerous arrows were produced and sharpened, Zeus in the center announced to everyone participating.
âItâll be 1 on 1 games. First to go are Jeno vs (Y/N), followed by Athena vs. Hermes, Cleopatra vs. Freddie, and last would be Hades vs Aphrodite.â
Cutting the chase, you didnât expect Jeno to be that good at archery. Sure, he told you that he took classes with his friends for fun when he was younger, though it showed that heâs a fast learner and even hit one bullseye in the middle of the game.
Not slightly threatened until the last rounds, you fixed your aim and lessened your overthinking when preparing to shoot. Thus, you scored 2 bullseyes shot. It was a close fight, having the audience on the edge on their feet again because itâs the two of you. Your dynamic with the night guard always elevated the mood, shifting their bets over and over again.
By 1 point, you received your first victory against Jeno. Unlike you, he showcased his sportsmanship sweetly without any comments of disbelief. Heâs never bragged about anything big in his life, not unless itâs a high grade for his plate. Normally, he celebrated wins in a laid-back manner. But donât be fooled: he loves giving penalties.
âThis is why I donât make bets with my friends because I really go for their weak spots.â
âYouâre cynical, Lee Jeno.â
âOnly if youâre close to me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).â
âArenât we already past that stage?â
Almost halfway through his job, he sustained a meaningful friendship with you. Out of everyone, you were his default person to hang out within the nights he had a shift. If he wasnât present, he made sure to give you small treats or gifts as much as possible. An innocent friendship, it was that the world wouldâve never believed in.
Or was it?
âTo celebrate your win, what do you want me to do?â
âYouâre too kind for me to play around with, even if youâre the complete opposite of me.â
âIâll make it simple and worthwhile since I donât know when Iâll win a game again.â As your finger tapped your temple as you pondered deeply, a smart idea came through. âGrant me 3 wishes.â
He chuckled, lowering himself to view you better. âAm I like some genie now to you?â
âNo room to complain, I won, didnât I?â You grinned, raising one brow to show your dominance.
âYouâre petty in your own way, arenât you?â
âPerhaps. Now come on, I want to use my first wish.â You shrugged it off like no big deal, loving the high feeling of triumph. You lead him to the center of the lobby, where a beautiful grand piano only selected people get to play during exhibits. âOpen the museum piano.â
Ever since you were brought to life, you never used it. Tempting but because people from the outside might here, maybe itâs time to try something new. A new challenge, and besides, you missed entertaining people through it. The last time you touched the delicate piano keys was to your family before you ran away.
Itâs a good thing that in the shackle of keys Jeno held, the needed key was there. Unlocking the lustrous black instrument, you sat by the matching black bench. Crackling your fingers, you tested by pressing a few keys to get the hang of it again.
âWhat are you planning to play, (Y/N)?â Jeno leaned against the side, his arms crossed.
Humming the first notes of your piece, the nostalgia ran through your veins. âNocturne No. 2 in E flat by Chopin.â
Your fingers took off and played each chord slowly and calmly. This piece reminded you the most of your mother, who sat by the couch in front of your old piano with your father while guests from the party they hosted crowded around you. Being the youngest, they often requested you to perform as entertainment so you always put your best foot forward. Or so you tried.
Nevertheless, no one else in your family was capable to play this piece as perfectly as you. By the way your eyes closed and your body swayed to the mellow tune, Jeno observed how you memorized this piece by heart. A passionate flame you were, outshining every pianist out there.
He wasnât surprised at how multi-talented you were, though thereâs a different kind of aura you present when you played the instrument. From your hard and tough front, you could be soft and sweet to the right people.
In a way, you showed your comfort toward the boy by serenading him with the piano. Sketching him with him in the past was one thing, but this was another. Youâd sketch with people youâve grown used to, but you play piano to people you want to cherish in your life. As dangerous as it seems, Jeno was someone special to you, only wanting to have good moments with him.
Junmyeon will always have a huge part in your museum life, but Jeno filled the emptiness that he left behind. This loneliness for a human friend vanquished thanks to Jeno, and you didnât want to jeopardize it at all. Sure, whenever he acted like a gentleman around you, let you inside the Foreign Art Room, or brought you food sometimes, you couldnât help feel honored.
Though lately, every time he showed off his strength when he defeated Zeus and Hades during an arm wrestle game the god held again. You seriously had to catch a breath at every flex his arms made, like the goddesses. Maybe how he pushed his black hair back when heâs drawing another plate, youâd give yourself a few extra seconds to see his long fingers skim through them. Heâd bit his lower lip when heâs in too deep with his creativity, wondering if heâd bite the lower lip of the girl heâd ki-
All right, (Y/N), relax. Maybe youâre thinking this way because itâs been decades since your last relationship. You wouldnât want to fall for another possible trap and hurt yourself again, right?
Ever since this job, Jenoâs university life drastically changed. Yes, he still hung out with his friends and performed extremely well in his classes, though he prioritized anything related to the museum wherever he was. If they were drinking out, heâd buy an extra bottle of soju for you on his way back to the dorm. Rarely does he get shitfaced anyways.
If he and Renjun visited the bookstore to purchase pens or any art-related materials, he always bought either an extra sketchpad or set of pens. Even if you were simply a figure to everyone else, he appreciated the bond you both developed.
Every night, heâd tell you about his day from the start. Normally, it consisted of a lot of schoolwork and coffee, some stories about his roommates too. Speaking of them, heâd insert a lot of humorous words about his entire group of friends, whom you learned their names too.
Mark, Jaemin, Renjun, Jisung, Chenle, and Donghyuck, each of them presented a different color in their group. Jeno, whoâd admitted to being shy and quiet, grew out of his shell because of them. A friend of Jenoâs would automatically be a friend of yours, if only you were allowed to leave the museum or become a human.
Jeno learned more about your past explorations that never got documented because you no longer had an interest in jotting them down. They were adventures youâd kept to yourself, memories only close to you then would know. Except now, Jeno was another addition. Youâre not the type to instantly open to people, though again, a sense of relief surrounded him every time you encounter each other. It grew gradually like a warm hug, softening your heart and breaking your walls.
The more he spent time with you, nothing feared Jeno the slightest. Heâs always maintained himself intact, avoiding lines to be crossed and giving respect to those who deserve it. However, he began to question himself where exactly his feelings lie with you after Jaemin tried to set him up on a blind double date just so the best friend of his date wouldnât feel left out.
Heâs rarely one to get crushes on people, even when other girls in his college openly showed their affection towards him. Valentineâs Day or his birthday, several girls sent him chocolate or flowers. Jaemin and Renjun got sick of girls reaching out to them first so they could reach him. Itâs not because heâs not the dating type, but because heâs so goal-oriented that unlike his roommates, he doesnât have a slight clue about dating.
Though one-night stands while at a party and dating were completely different, heâd still say he had experience with girls. Plus having an older sister, he never took advantage of them. Heâd rather tell them in person that the feelings werenât mutual than ghosting them. Heâs not like Jaemin anyways.
With that, heâs so lost when his heart beats twice as fast the second youâve woken up from your posing slumber. He doesnât comprehend how flustered heâd be when you highly insist to help him with his plate or how cute he finds it when youâre playing fetch with Mochi. On top of it, when you chose to sketch each other for one of your sketching sessions, heâd take a longer stare at your visage before he drew some strokes.
A lot of historical accounts mentioned how your beauty was the standard of the Victorian era, wherein you were the jewel of your neighborhood and numerous men wanted your hand. Women envied you, especially having high intelligence skills that were equivalent to a man. That time, that felt like a threat to most men. Though surprisingly, it turns out there were men who liked intelligent girls.
Jeno knew he liked you as a friend, though liking you past that he didnât intend. Nor was it allowed because itâll break one of the golden rules. Before heâd go beyond contemplating, he had to stop himself. This was so unlike him. The feelings will fleet away, heâd repeat to himself. Donât waste a great friendship because of your silly emotions.
Individually, both of you swallowed these harboring feelings down your guts and simply kept your friendship status safe. Doing your typical activities or whatever else you could think of, none of you minded to change it whatsoever.
Unknown to you though, it was obvious to the other art pieces ones that you two practically passed off as young lovers. Although they know that pushing one towards the other went against the rules, Aphrodite begged to differ.
âHolding them back from expressing what they really feel just because of the law here is a tragedy. They should at least try, you know?â
On another typical night, Jeno invited you to the Theater Room for a movie marathon. After finding out that youâve never seen any moving pictures, he wanted to be there to introduce it. Luck was on his side to not have plates or requirements due for the week and everyone was behaving themselves, so he started with rolling out short films from the 88mm projector. Having premade popcorn and drinks, the two of you shared roars of laughter and emotional tears.
Switching to the cd player for longer and clearer films, youâd opt to believe that you were born at the wrong time. With all these advancements, it came with a lot of new beliefs. One of them was allowing women to study and work. Then again, she was a pioneer according to historians. Without her, it wouldnât help shape society as it is today.
Nonetheless, this movie Jeno played on the big screen was what he defined as âone of the classicsâ, 10 Things I Hate About You.
This outspoken character named Kat was presenting a poem to her class, trying to hold in her raw emotions towards Patrick, the boy who broke her heart. Too engaged, you didnât notice how Jeno stretched his arms out so he could wrap one around your shoulder. Not that you were complaining, his warmth reassuring you safety.
âI hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.â The way she attempted to keep her strong ground only reminded you of where you were weeks ago, especially once she excruciatingly broke down.
âI hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.â Only when you leaned back to the chair, you felt his arm. His thumb caressing your covered shoulder, you peeked him a little bit. His eyes fixated on the screen, absorbed in the acting and how Katâs tears werenât scripted as she stormed out of the classroom.
Not that you were her, but it sparked the past memory of how you merely disliked him because of his job. But as a person, not even close, not even once did you hate him. How blessed that he never judged you for it, staying patient all this time.
Right before he could look back at you, you moved your face back to resume your watching. Jeno definitely noticed what you did, though not sure as to why. Whatever it was, it wasnât harmful.
Once the film ended, Jeno checked his watch for the time. 4 am, he wanted to do something else now instead of film viewing. You were on par with it, wanting to walk it out after being seated for hours. As you both cleaned up and bid the posters outside goodbye, the doors to the museum were locked unexpectedly. Impossible on Jenoâs half because he had the keys for every room, but he double-checked his bunch.
Alas, the keys for these doors specifically were missing. But there was no other way anyone couldâve gotten it, plus itâs not like the last person he talked to, which was Aphrodite, would need it.
Or did she?
Rather than putting any blame on each other, your only wish now was to return to your section before sunrise. You and he could just relax momentarily before yelling for help.
âMaybe we should watch another film first?â
âAlright, you choose while I return the rest.â
As Jeno inserted the cd of Cinema Paradiso inside, the background music of the opening played. He hummed the first notes, already feeling the love from this film. Another must-see classic as recommended by Renjun, he wanted to rewatch it with you.
Slowly returning each cd and film roll to their respective drawers, the melodious theme had you waltzing in the small space. Even beyond your life, classical music never gets old. Aging like fine wine, sounding spectacular as time passes because of peopleâs creativity.
Jeno gazed over your sudden movements, smiling uncontrollably at how immersed you were as you multi-tasked. However, you took a wrong turn by the desk and almost dropped a priceless film roll. But before you fully slipped and fell, a pair of strong arms caught you at the right time. Panting from the nerves, mostly when he was inches from your face. Never has he pressed his body this close to you to protect you, and never have you seen his captivating eyes this up close.
As enchanting as the background music of Ennio Morricone was, it only became noise once Jeno took ahold of the film roll on your hand and placing down on the desk. Taking another step closer, you were backed up by the edge. Not to mention how his height dignified his impact on you, your arms were still situated by your side with nowhere else to go.
That was until his finger elevated your chin so he could meet you on eye-to-eye level. His other hand gripping your waist, you became brave enough to place your hands by his broad shoulders. Licking your lips, you glanced at his lips quickly. But he noticed it, and as risky as this was, it was a leap of faith to take.
âMay I kiss you?â
Always such a gentleman, even when he already knew how much you desired him through your returning affections. Calming your breath patterns by the speed of everything occurring, you came back to your senses. Heâs the one who constantly told you not to forget your roots, so you were going to take this one.
You trust him, and he does too.
âYes.â
Since the first film, some kind of tension increased the closer he moved or intimate his actions were towards you. You kept pushing it back in hopes not to ruin what you both have. But it only turned out to be mutual, especially how none of you held back as soon as his lips passionately clashed yours.
Tangling your arms around his neck, you stood on your tiptoes to press even closer to him. Feeling his lively heart pumping against your hollow chest, you bit his lower lip. Something youâve secretly craved to do, he growled from the pleasure. He hoisted your waist to the desk, his impatient hands earnestly traveling all over your body. While your legs locked around his torso, your feisty nature leaned back so your entire body lied on the small desk.
Jeno was on top, placing one hand down to hold himself while the other squeezed your waist firmly. Even if youâre made of wax, youâre like an actual living woman at night. Everything about you becomes real until dawn. You emitted vulgar moans, giving him more access to your neck. Peppering a mix of soft to hard kisses, your hand teasingly snaked under his shirt. He really wasnât joking when he bragged that he was quite ripped since he enjoyed sports and going to the gym, cupping a part of his toned abdomen.
âIf you want something, all you have to do is ask.â He sluggishly sucked the area between your ear and neck, one of your weakest spots. âWhatâs on your mind, baby?â
The growing moistness in between your legs left a stain in your panties, trying to close your legs out of embarrassment. Itâs been decades since youâve been stimulated like this. However, Jeno beat you to it as he trailed the hand that was on your waist and lowering it right above your covered sex. He cupped it agonizingly slow, making you folding your leg from the pleasure. For a man who doesnât date around, he knew exactly what heâs doing.
âI just kissed you, and youâre already this soaked. Can you handle me, baby?â
As the strong woman that you present yourself to be, it would selfishly take the right touch from the right man to weaken you. With his savage lips back on yours while your hands clutched on his shirt, he was simply waiting for a verbal answer, yet driving you completely mad. Everything was happening so fast, and here he was to please you in anywhere you seem fit.
You were deprived, and oh, you needed it more than ever.
However, seconds before you replied, there was loud rumbling from the main doors which stopped your devilish antics. As Jeno moved back from you to see the ruckus, you lifted yourself back up, pulling back your dress sleeves and flattening out the creases. The last thing you wanted was a trail of familiar red marks from the aggressive male, finding any reflective surfaces to check.
âI wouldnât be that dumb to leave you hickies now, would I?â Jeno ended your worries as he placed his hands by your side again. His face leaned towards yours again, reliving the warmth in your cheeks. His lips were plumper, catching traces of your coral lipstick smudged there down to his jaw. He slotted himself again between your legs, grazing a hand on your waist and the other to your warm cheek. âThe doorâs unlocked now, and itâs 5 am. Do you want to clean up now?â
You playfully scoffed, aware that neither of you had plans to do that yet. Such a player while in the heat of the moment.
âSpare me 15 more minutes with you first.â
Hiding the romance youâve both built failed without trying. Aphrodite spotted all the signs from your open physical affection and words of admiration, calling you two out in front of everyone without shame. She is the goddess of love, after all. You couldnât fool her even if you tried.
Plus, sheâs the one who locked the two of you up in the Theater Room that night. But neither of you know that.
âSketch my ideal home?â Jeno bent down to the table, testing out his newly bought pens so they wouldnât spill.
âIsnât that why you decided to pursue Architecture in the first place? Come on now!â You pestered across him, opening your new sketchpad since your last one ran out of pages. As expected, Jeno bought you one when he went to the bookstore. As much as you insisted not to because he should use the money somewhere else, he did it anyway. He loved your works, encouraging you in any way he could.
When he was reminded of his humble beginnings of his passion for architecture by you, never had he envisioned exactly how his perfect home would be like. Settling down was so far beyond his mind, only focusing to graduate university then study for the licensure exams. However, he did miss drawing something for fun, not as a requirement. He also was the one who took charge of designing his dorm.
âFine, only if you draw what your ideal home wouldâve been if you never left London.â
Now as lovers, the only addition to your relationship were the public and private exchanges of affection. Deep conversations, film viewing, back and forth banter, youâre both still the same competitive duo everyone expected to be together. In public, the two of you held hands, hugged, kissed each other cheeks too when it felt right. Cleopatraâs face of fake nausea was priceless every time, while Princess Diana, Anne, and Katherine enjoyed it. Itâs been years since theyâve seen this glow of adoration in you. Bit by bit, youâre going back to the old you. Except now, youâre a lot stronger.
Perhaps, this version of you proved wrong for the need for romance. Even if you made the choice not to settle down then, it wouldâve been different if Jeno was in your universe then.
âAre you done there?â Jeno asked while you were finishing up your masterpiece. Life in London sounded fun when you were younger, having all these ideas on interior design and the like. An innocent time.
Instead of replying, you strode to his side and compared your pieces together. He pictured a two-story home, with a backyard and rooftop area. He definitely wanted to stay in the city as his whole life was based there. Although you preferred living in the countryside more for more freedom, you gave it a shot by pinpointing every detail of a wealthy typical Victorian-era home you liked. You desired a spacious lobby with a grand staircase in the middle, a crystal chandelier there too. The living room would have a small library and a grand piano, where wide doors leading to the grasslands were beside it.
Considering you two lived from different times, in a way your ideal homes were similar. Somewhere private, surrounded by nature and minimal furniture, youâre curious as to how it would look if the two of you fused them together. A mix of old and new, will it look pretty?
âWhat will look pretty?â Jeno questioned your random thought, looking back and forth at your sketches. âYou know whoâs pretty though?â
âIf you say what I think youâre going to say, Iâm lea-â
âYou.â
Jeno has gotten flirtier since that night, always finding the right opportunity to flatter you. Although you denied them out of embarrassment, the butterflies in your stomach canât lie to you.
Youâre so smitten, and so was he.
Jenoâs always one to follow the rules, but so far, heâs been breaking some of them already.
Just last night, he gave Renjun access to the lively museum because he needed more research regarding you. Initially, he practically interviewed Jeno for every piece of information he gathered because he used to be so deep in the books to study everything about you. Now in the past, Renjun still couldnât forget how Jeno drunkenly admitted how crazy he was going to be over you and your coldness whilst sobering up in the dorm.
He didnât understand one bit by that, especially when youâre technically dead. But by the sight of the first piece Renjun saw alive, which was Zeus, he almost passed out. Piece by piece, he viewed these artworks come to life from his fresh eyes. Right before he couldâve screamed when Athena shot a lightbulb in their exhibit, you happily called out Jenoâs name.
Renjun froze on the spot upon seeing your wax figure come to life. Heâs browsed through this museum numerously due to the new exhibits, but lately, he checked your section out to find any tiny details that were linked to your life. Aside from the sketchpad, compass, and hairpins, he wanted to know if there was more to your life as an explorer.
As human interactions except the night guard werenât allowed, Renjun needed help for his project in Women Studies. Just like Jenoâs assignment, you aided him. Fruitfully answering every question he gave you, Athena popped out of nowhere to inspect Jeno.
âI see youâre breaking another rule.â
âIâm sorry, Athena. He was desperate, and it would be selfish of me to let him fail.â
âThis is the last one Iâll let slide, alright?â Athena huffed, not impressed by the reckless behavior Jeno acquired over time. She saw this coming, but for a change, she couldnât punish him. He was a young adult, still learning more about life. Only will she step in if things turn for the worst. âI canât believe Iâve gained a soft spot for you.â
Jeno laughed, hugging the figure like his older sister. âYou love me though!â
Glad to say, Renjun aced his project and kept his word of not telling anyone about the happenings in Jenoâs job. Jeno even made a makeshift non-disclosure contract so Renjun wouldnât spill the slightest details.
Lately, so much has been happening in the museum that having alone time with each other was rare. And when you did, the two of you made sure to maximize it and make every intimate moment count. From each touch, each longing kiss, each moan, and groan, never were you left hanging whether youâre at the Theater Room, Jenoâs office, or the Foreign Art Room.
The only time the two of you went beyond the boundaries was at the indoor garden. Jeno managed to get the key to it, lighting up some candles before you invited you inside. Thanks to the magic of the Greek gods, the cameras were bewitched to display fake imageries when security checks in the morning after.
Upon your deep conversations, youâve mentioned once or twice about the indoor garden. It was the latest addition of the museum, opening in the early 2000s. Because it was a sacred place, no art piece was ever allowed inside.
Yet again, Jeno challenged the rules again when he invited you inside. A few minutes before, he set up some lights along the hallway of the garden, where he placed a blanket, a picnic basket, and his laptop right at the end of it. The best place to view everything, he just knew youâd love it.
He was undoubtedly right once you gasped at such a pretty sight. Seeing the silhouettes of various flowers and plants together with the night sky with all the stars sparkling, it was like youâre attending another ball with your sisters, who were looking for suitors then.
Once Jeno leisurely led you until the end, he brought out all the delicacies from the basket. One of them was this Italian savory dish of dough with toppings such as cheese and pepperoni, or pizza as they named it. The next ones were fresh strawberries and melted chocolate, followed by grape juice.
âIâd drink actual alcohol with you again, only if I didnât get shitfaced and do my job properly.â
âPoint taken. Besides, this is close enough. So pour me a drink please.â
Perhaps this was the closest to a date Jeno could ever ask you out to. With the restrictions and being constrained with time, he brainstormed all sorts of ways to bring the outside world to you. From simply letting you wander around this fascinating room, he unleashed the inner romantic in him. None of his friends wouldâve thought since they never asked him about it, so he kept it to himself only. Finally, heâs satisfied with what he prepared. After eating, the two of you would watch more films before the sun rose again.
Youâre just the right person for him at the moment he can act that way.
After your quiet stroll and sitting back down, Jeno surprisingly handed you a tiny box.
âA gift?â
âOpen it.â He sipped on his juice, paying attention to your actions. Gently untying the box, the amazement in your eyes couldnât fathom such a lovely present. No words were required to verify that Jeno outdid himself again, just your facial expression alone is enough.
When Jeno said that he pays attention to the tiny details, he doesnât bluff. Throughout your growing relationship, youâve cited how you wanted another special flower in your life. Just because you couldnât view lavender roses the same way ever again, it didnât mean you wanted to kick them out of your life. Flowers were one of natureâs beautiful creations, so youâre wishing to find the love you once had for lavender roses in other ones.
Thus, you came across what you thought held the highest form of meaning: red roses. Despite its thorns, itâs still a marvelous flower. Innocently, you told him that just because of the memory of your father giving them to your mother on her birthday yearly.
Red roses represented true love and romance, a discreet message only those eager would know.
Jeno was one of them, which was why he reserved this gift for this very moment. It was a necklace he found through a college fair recently, a subtle red rose pendant in the center. Since he couldnât give you huge gifts, he settled for something light. Something none of the guards or the director wouldnât pinpoint out when they do their inspections.
âDo you like it?â
Not one utter from your mouth since youâre so hypnotized, your lips quirked up in a charming smile. âIs that even a question? This is astonishing, Jeno.â
After you attempted to put it around your neck, Jeno sighed and stepped in to help you out. âTurn around, (Y/N). Let me.â
The tension gradually heightened once you held your hair up so Jeno accessibly viewed your clean neck. Clasping the lock, it took all his might to hold himself back from you. Even from behind, your silhouette was attractive to him. The lights he set up werenât helping the slightest of what heâs thinking to do with you.
âDone.â He breathily whispered in your ear.
**
If he thought he was the only one feeling something powerful, heâd be more than wrong. The lingering sensation of his slim fingers gracing your dĂ©colletage area unhinged another kind of want, the one youâve only imagined in your mind when you were needy and alone. It shouldnât be a sin unless youâre with the person youâve fallen for, right?
Facing him again, the eye contact didnât last long when you were the first one to strike a move. Jeno kissed back right away, his hands pulling you closer by your waist. Whatever sultry music Jeno played, it gave you the perfect momentum to grind on his lap. He groaned against kisses, adding his tongue. His thumbs sensually rubbed your hipbones, one of your hands toying around with his hair while the other one balled up his shirt by the chest. None of you cared if anyone caught you.
The last time youâve been this aggressive was at the Theater Room, which eventually increased the hidden lust youâve had towards each other. Taking things slowly at first, itâs about time to delve in for more. The mood was already set from the start, even if Jeno didnât plan this to happen here. But being the prepared man he is, he did have a condom in his back pocket.
Your fingers trailed from his neck until his crotch. He was hard, sensing how suffocated he must be. But he kept himself in control. Locking eye contact, you sweetly spoke.
âGrant my second wish, Jeno.â That same hand of yours held one of his, planting it in your breast. âMake love to me.â
Giving the go-signal, he crashed his lips on yours while stripping you off your dress. Carefully, he turned you around to untie your tight corset. Once it fell, your neck leaned sideways as his lips attacked it madly. Your breaths were tremulous, placing both his hands on your freed breasts to knead with. His touch felt like fire on your skin, yet you couldnât stop.
âJeno,â Obscene moans from your lips choked out. You desired more, shifting back to face him again to attack his lips. Slowly feeling one of his hands laying you down, you spread your legs with ease just for him. He parted after your head landed on the cushion to unbutton himself. The way your mouth dropped to selfishly stare at his bare body, flexing them before getting back into position. He was fit and toned just as Cleopatra predicted.
As much as Jeno knew how wild your thoughts were getting, he was more taken aback by your perky chest.
âFuck, you are divine.â He sucked one nipple as his fingers ventured to slip your panties down. So much was going on, you didnât know which stimulated you more. You tried to close your legs around his hand, but he slapped your inner thigh to stop you.
The cool breeze shivered you, especially from your core. Jenoâs fingers adventurously grazed from your hip area to your lower lips. He teasingly rubbed it up and down in your essence, his index finger settling it right at your needy clit. Another moan escaped your lips, an opportunity for Jeno to slide his tongue in your mouth. Enjoying the moment, his fingers dipped inside you. A gasp broke your kiss, making him giggle in your ear.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
âOh, angel. The things I want to do with you.â
Sliding them back and forth, curling it even, you squirmed for more. Dropping himself to meet your core, Jeno placed your legs on his shoulder. Pushing you closer, his steamy breath felt like friction. Your hips grinded against it, so he gripped on them so you stay put.
âAngel,â He chuckled darkly, his crotch tightening at how powerless you looked. âYouâre so pretty.â
You were drenched from arousal. But to Jeno, you were glowing under the lights. He wanted to take his time to admire what he had done to you. His independent girl, only weak for him.
His fingers unfolded in your lower lips, diving in to your orbit. You could hardly speak from his skilled mouth, especially his tongue savagely lapping your clit in numerous paces. Youâve only daydreamed about what it could do aside from kissing, and it exceeded your expectations. By the heated sensation that had the heels of your feet digging his back deeply, you affirmed to have seen more stars than the night sky above you.
Your back arched uncontrollably while his hands grasped your hips to stay in place, the tears in your eyes formulating while tugging on his hair. Your thighs clenched around his face, but his broad shoulders widened it to taste more of you. No use of pulling away when his grip on you was tight, so you could only cry out from the pleasure.
âFuck!â
The ringing sounds in your off were going off, your throat drying up from moaning once another orgasm was about to hit. Once the knot in you snapped, nothing could hold back your screams of pleasure whilst panting for air. Sensitive as he licked every remaining essence he caused, he smirked as he got up to unbuckle his jeans.
Oh, boy. He got quite a package behind his boxers.
Even while you were overly sensitive, you had to grasp it in your hands. He was yours, and you were his.
The way you clenched around his protected length, pausing to readjust yourself to the feeling. The foreplay deemed helpful, though the girth of him overwhelmed you. He stretched you out so good.
âAre you okay, (Y/N)?â The stunned face you made was expected, still feeling worried that it may be too much.
Biting your lip, you moaned once everything felt bearable. âYou can move, Jeno.â
None of you could track exactly how many rounds you went through. Even in the semi-public area, it didnât hinder either of you. Thereâs that thrill, and surprisingly enough, you both shared the liking of it. Always switching the positions, you decided to call it quits after another sloppy round in missionary. Something seeing Jeno on top, fully submitting yourself to him, made you feel calm to be vulnerable. Itâs really the trust youâve established from the start, making you rely on humans again once youâve let the past be.
Jeno brought out another blanket, initially meant for cuddling. It was still applicable though, curling your body into a spoon towards his racing chest. Music was no longer noise, the intimacy creeping back instead of lust this time. The afterglow of Jeno, sweaty and knackered as his legs sprawled under the sheet, was a sight for sore eyes. Heâs always been handsome while on duty, but post-sex gave him an extra boost.
Plus thereâs pride from the red marks courtesy of you on his chest, grazing over it softly.
Jeno chuckled softly at your smooth fingers, lifting them up to kiss them tenderly before kissing your lips again. Only humans were capable of and to love, but youâre some kind of an exception. Regardless of the magic from the plate, youâd be able to love too if it werenât for your background.
Thereâs so much love Jeno wanted to offer you, even if he hasnât said it out loud yet.
Perhaps one reason was because time was beginning to tick. Finals were a few weeks away, then the one-month long semestral break until a new semester kicks off. Time really flew by, and his bank account and heart expanded too. Enjoying the now was all he could think of doing, but those uncertainties bothered him.
The biggest would be where you and he would stand when his job ended.
Jeno was too absorbed in his internal debate, as portrayed by his eyes staring off in space and running his hand in his hair repeatedly. Something was disturbing him, and youâre concerned as to what it was.
âJeno,â Around his arm, you tapped his chest to get him out of it. âWhatâs going on in your head?â
Jeno approached every obstacle he faces straightforwardly, not wanting to let him hold back. Rarely did he keep secrets, especially from you. Instead of hiding away, he voiced it out.
â(Y/N), will we work out?â
âWhat do you mean, Jeno?â
Youâre so occupied in the present that thinking of the future was never in your field. Like him, youâre just enjoying being in the moment. Though after tonight, itâs making you wonder if thereâs a future.
âWell,â He placed his hand on top of yours, affectionately observing you. âTimes flies faster when youâre having fun, and well, the semester is ending.â
His last words crushed a part of your heart, remembering his initial plan. None of you expected your friendship to bloom into what it is now, but life was just full of surprises without a schedule. At the same time, none of you wouldnât have it any other way.
It may have been a few months since you two committed to each other, but the spark was still strong. It wasnât like a summer romance kind of feeling. Time was not a determinant of love either, which you were certain of it with Jeno. A lot more than Junmyeon.
It shouldâve frightened you when you realized your love for Jeno, but it didnât. Even if you didnât age physically, your mindset did. Youâve learned to forgive your younger self, and through Jeno, you let your guard down completely. From that, you let love in. Platonic to your fellow art pieces, and all of the above to Jeno.
Throughout your relationship, you regained all confidence in yourself and everything you set your mind to.
âI wouldnât want to worry too much about it if I were you.â Your body flipped to lie on your stomach, resting your head on your palm.
âWhy shouldnât I, angel?â
Gazing back at him, you left a velvety kiss on his lips to rest his thoughts. His hand wrapped your neck, deepening it. But you pulled away with a giggle, all too knowing of his secret intentions as his cock began to harden again. His eyes narrowed down and his lower lip stuck out at your attempt of being a tease.
But enough about sex, you wanted to address a point.
Lee Jeno was going to be the biggest risk you wanted to take and fight for, and no one should try to stop you.
âIâll ask Circe for a potion. For me, for you, for us.â
If it werenât for insistent questioning towards every art piece, who kept their mouths shut, only Circe herself banished him from his suffering. Her series of potions varied, and the one you requested years ago which you threw out was capable of turning any art piece into a living human. No potion of Circe ever failed, so you entrusted your life for the day you do drink it.
âAre you sure, angel?â
Jeno knew about that one specifically, and as great to hear that you never threw it out, he never put pressure on you. He wanted you to do whatever felt right, even if deep down, he wished youâd use it. He was only worried about how the flow of the entire museum would be disrupted.
Typical Jeno always looking out for you, but you saw right through his concern. Here you were, caressing his check as reassurance. With an honest smile,
âIâve never been more certain with anything in my life here until you came, Lee Jeno.â
Jeno opened up more to his life outside the museum, telling all sorts of experiences not just his days as a university student. From his childhood, his family, his travels, heck you even want to meet his friends at this point!
Newly, he shared with you how the sunrise and sunset looked like in Seoul with much vivacity. Itâs a luxury as a human to witness as day breaks and ends, so you could imagine by yourself how it would look like. Sure, you had drawings and all, but that was from the real (Y/N) (Y/L/N).
This version of you wanted to live more; thatâs your greed now.
âYouâve never touched snow too, right?â Jeno, who had his arm wrapped around you, silently watched the first batch of snow from inside.
âYup, thatâs the thing when youâre imprisoned in this place.â You sulked by his side, earning a chuckle from him who pulled you in closer.
âDonât tell me now that you despise this place.â
âI donât, but it hinders me to experience new things. The whole pattern of being awake at night by a plate gets tiring, Jeno.â
All Jeno would do when youâre frustrated was placing your head on his shoulder, listening as you talk.
âI know, angel. But it wonât be long until you leave this place with me, right?â
âYou know it!â You interlocked your hands with him, eyes trained at every falling snowflake.
Sometimes, moments in silence with Jeno were all you needed for the night. Being within each otherâs presence, focusing or admiring something from afar, it was all the peace youâve needed from the bustling art pieces.
This week was the last of the semester, and Jenoâs off duty for tonight to focus on his exams. Youâll see him tomorrow night, which was his last shift ever, and also yours too.
Perhaps the biggest milestone youâre committing to without any regrets.
However, it took an unnecessary conversation you accidentally eavesdropped on to rock your decision.
You needed more ink after running out mid-way of sketching the sculptures as a secret parting gift. Before you could take a single step inside your exhibit room, a series of voices were full-on arguing. Booming back and forth, you peeped your ear out whilst hiding against the door.
âAthena, how dare you did to her?! Sheâs done so well from moving on from it, falling in love even! And now youâre telling me this?!â The distinct voice of Princess Diana, who spoke sweetly most of the time, boomed towards the Greek god. âYouâre heartless.â
âI did what I had to do for the sake of this place, Diana!â Athena raised her voice, the lightning in her hands holding back from lashing out. She hated it when anyone argued with her, especially when she does things according to what she believed was necessary. Out of everyone, she had more leadership. âShe had to know that her place is here as a wax figure, not outside. Talking Junmyeon out of it was for the best, plus itâs ideal when he drank the potion of memory loss from Circe.â
âBut it tore her apart when he left her, and itâs going to tear her again if you do the same with Jeno.â
âHow else are you going to approach the situation then, Diana? Those two have broken the highest golden rule, so they need to wake up.â
Right when she celebrated within herself for healing, hearing the unbearable revelation behind the past devastated you. This whole time, she internally blamed herself for being ageless and lashed out at others. The scary past barged back in, and you couldnât handle it anymore.
Somewhere in the corner, you wept without a trace. You could care less about Athenaâs opinions, but you found yourself agreeing to some of her words. You had a role to fulfill, and leaving that behind would be selfish and it could make the museum go topsy-turvy. As painful for Junmyeon to leave you, it was because the truth hurts. Nothing could change it, even if Circe could be your solution because itâll leave a lot of questions. You didnât want Jeno to be seen as a suspect.
Oh, Jeno.
Thereâs nothing wrong with falling in love either, you didnât intend it to happen. But it becomes unfair when it compromises with your purpose, and thatâs not how you are. Youâll always remember Jeno as your biggest risk, though itâs time to end things. Treacherous as it was to accept for you, risk-takers have boundaries too.
Fast forward, on the night of Jenoâs last shift, youâve cherished every second with him. Playing around, chatting with other art pieces, kissing in private, you made it count. Before dawn broke, thatâs where you chose to come clean by the garden, your sacred place. Not even your self-reassurance could prepare you to witness the hurt and confusion Jeno felt.
âYouâre a mortal, and you still get to choose your path. Mine is already predetermined here as a wax copy of a historical figure.â You advised as you held both his hands, your voice shaking at the reality.
A few days ago, you were beaming with exhilaration at a new journey but now youâve permanently backed out. Jeno couldnât comprehend, and as much as he tried, he couldnât. A life without you by his side would be empty and dull. âEven so, there are things about you that the original person didnât have.â
Arguing with him wasnât your favorite, and itâll leave the two of you in a bad mood. But there is no way to negotiate this; youâve already made up your mind. âWe must end this, Jeno. You need someone who can grow old with you, and I canât be that person for you.â
âBut we can make it work!â His hands gripped on your slumped shoulders, whilst your face avoiding his to spare yourself from the heartache. âThereâs still Circe.â
âI know, but recently, I found out that sheâs an indirect cause of my misery.â Pulling away from his touch, you belted with frustration. âI cannot do this anymore, Jeno.â
Youâve always fought for whatever you wanted in life, and Jeno knew he was one of them if it werenât for you telling him that. So he did the same, thinking of ways to make you feel whole. Now, he couldnât tolerate the sudden crumbling of his heart from your outburst, and all he wanted to know was why you felt this way. How could he help you?
You donât keep secrets from Jeno, but the truth behind your harsh actions cannot be revealed for the sake of the museum. Plus, you didnât want him to despise this place he admired. Causing him pain wasnât on your list, but keeping him safe was. It may be shown differently and he may not understand it now, but over time, he will.
âJeno, youâll find someone better out there. Someone with their whole life ahead of them, whoâll love you for everything that makes you who you are.â Repetitive punches in your guts urged you to barf at your half-lie, but you held it in.
âWhy are you pushing me away? What happened to taking risks, (Y/N)?â Jeno interrogated, taking your hands in his hands again. They unconventionally quivered, like his lips. Jeno has never cried in front of anyone, not even when he was younger. Though for you, he just might. âAm I not worth it for you?â
Dear heavens, he was wrong. You internally screamed that, but you canât let your selfishness seize the night. As Athena said, you had to wake up from your dream. âCommitting to you was my biggest risk of them all, Jeno. Everything else that went along with it, I donât regret it one bit. But timeâs really up for us, and we must resume our normal duties.â
âI canât lose you, (Y/N).â
âYou never will, Jeno.â
He crouched lower to meet your height, his finger moving your head so youâd look at him back. Weakly enough, you did. âI want you to be a part of my normal life, angel.â
âIâll always be here, you know. Iâll be standing in my usual spot upstairs, and you can drop by whenever you can.â You pressed your lips, lifting your head to avoid incoming tears. Meanwhile, he began shedding a few. Youâve hurt him big time, and youâll never forgive yourself for this. âI still have one wish, right?â
Jenoâs sorrow was beyond his capacity, leaning his forehead against yours to kiss it. No matter what he could say or do, he already knew it wonât be effective. Youâre affirmative in your choices, yet he still wanted to challenge it. All he wanted to know was why youâre doing this.
âLet me walk you one last time to your section.â
The black night sky had remnants of blue, motioning that dawn was approaching. Other figures gave their goodbyes to Jeno earlier, cleaning up their areas before they pose. Though none of them anticipated such a cold atmosphere between you two, they could only spy on what was bound to happen.
âMy last wish is for you to let me go, Jeno.â You avowed, blinking your eyes with faux positivity. Your hands patted his blazer so it wouldnât crease. âI already have a role to fulfill here, and youâre on the way to yours, future architect.â
âI love you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).â Only tonight did he muster his courage to finally admit it to you after giving himself more time to analyze it. Timing was always crucial, and the badness of it showed.
Deep in your heart, you resonated the feeling. But itâll make things more complicated, and it was the final thing youâve wanted to occur. Someone had to be the strong one, and now, it should be you. With one more compassionate kiss on his lips, you stepped inside your section and readied your position.
âGoodbye, Lee Jeno.â
The sunshine brightened the room, and youâve frozen to slumber again.
All Jeno could do was drop on his knees, sobbing over your rash actions. Unknown to him, a single tear left your eye as you posed.
Regardless of what status you were in, the pain of it all remained.
Jeno spent most of his semestral break with his friends to travel or whatnot, trying to forget it all. Even if he aced all his finals, his efforts felt like nothing if he never had you by his side to celebrate.
The sting over his short-lived romance with you never diminished the slightest, no one whom he could express his pain about it to especially when Renjun drank the memory wipe potion that Athena initially left for Jeno by his desk.
Forget it all, and live a peaceful life. You have so much potential, my mentee.
- Athena
Perhaps this was the same thing Junmyeon drank all those years ago, but unlike him, he didnât have the guts to. He still wanted another chance.
So every day since the new semester began, he spent every afternoon break at your section. Heâll be seated by the bench, doing his assignments and talking about his day while sometimes stealing a glance of your figure. Some habits donât change.
He never got sick of the same smile you exemplified, falling even more for you. Heâll often wonder what youâve been up to.
What are your new sketches?
Are you taking care of Mochi well?
Have you apologized to Sanghoon yet?
Speaking of him, he surprisingly scooted over to Jenoâs side. This was the first time Jeno met the man, and politely enough greeted him. Sanghoon interviewed the boy, asking all sorts of questions that Jeno had every answer to. The biggest change that Sanghoon noticed since he left was your personality. You no longer bite, but treat everyone kindly without bias. Youâre always active to help him out in cleaning the lobby, and you donât go easily defensive.
Once he found out that Jeno was the reason for that, he was overjoyed at the start and wanted to meet him some way. You were a tough cookie, but now you relaxed. That was all that mattered to him, hoping to know more about him from you. That was until Diana stepped in and told him everything that happened. Mostly, the bad.
Playfulness eventually bore love. The last time you fell in love was in the 80s and Junmyeon pushed you away, he recalled. This time, youâre pushing Jeno away because you simply agreed with Athenaâs points.
This wasnât right, but it wasnât his place to interfere.
But then again, he finally caught Jeno for the first time today and this time, he was open to hearing his side of the story. Lessen his misery too.
âNo matter how stubborn she is, she loves you.â He advised him, bringing out one of your full sketchbooks. As Jeno opened it, the majority of the portraits were him. Sleeping, smiling, laughing, you drew him from every minor detail you could spot like the mole near his eye and his crescent eyes.
A handsome face I would never get sick until the end of time. Someone I want to wake up to every day in the morning if it werenât for that plate.
- (Y/N)
Towards the end, a sketch of a house unfolded. The interior was a fusion of modernity and old royal design due to its white walls, wide space, and the placing of less furniture, plus an open backyard. Thereâs another tiny comment on the side from you.
I was right. Joining our varying designs together is pretty. Maybe Jeno and I could live in a house like this one day.
- (Y/N)
If you loved him so much, why did you let him go then when you had all these plans with him? Even if he tried to understand, he just didnât.
âDonât give up just yet when she told you to.â
âAre you just saying this or something?â
âWell, Princess Diana passed this message on but after everything, I believe that sheâs right.â Sanghoon gave his opinion, but Jeno was reluctant to accept it.
âI never got a proper explanation why she suddenly changed her mind, Sanghoon.â He ranted, raking his hand through his hair from puzzlement. âDid I do something wrong?â
Sanghoon pitied him, having the upper hand and questioning himself whether to reveal the truth. However, since this boy took the job, heâs succumbed to secrecy. Without any transparency, it could drive someone mad. Heâs too young for that, so Sanghoon breathed in defeat and placed his hand on Jenoâs shoulder.
âPromise me you wonât be mad when I tell you because I was when I found out; almost screamed even.â
Jeno nodded, listening to whatever Sanghoon had to say.
Of all people, he never wouldâve expected Athena to do such a brash thing. Someone he respected and trusted, only to betray him by doing something she believed was good for all. Except it wasnât, and it ended up hurting you all these years. The woman he loved, now heâs a clearer understanding of why you did what you did. Yet, it canât fix his excruciation.
Heartbroken was an understatement; he had no one to rely on. With Sanghoon, he finally had a proper breakdown. The older man could only comfort his quietly, picturing him like one of his sons going through a hard time in school. But if it involves the heart, itâll take more time to recover.
âYouâre always the one adjusting, Jeno. But I think this time, youâre the one who needs space.â
A Year and a Half Later
âJeno Lee!!!â Jaemin roughly wallowed his best friend in a hug when he arrived in their dorm room for the first time in a long time. âYou dyed your hair blonde again!â
Renjun, who was behind the two of them, only rolled his eyes as he helped carry Jenoâs bags. âGod damn it, Jaemin! Youâre supposed to be helping me first!â
âI know, but give me a few seconds! Iâm just happy our group is back together!â
Jeno laughed at his friendsâ annoying yet silly dynamics, giddy to be back home. For a year, Jeno spent his 3rd year of university in Rome, Italy after one of his professors brought up to him about a scholarship program there for his course. At the time where he needed a change of scenery, he sent his application form and got interviewed.
Acing it, he had the opportunity to fly across the world to study and travel. His English skills surely improved, even picking up Italian words along the way due to a required class for it. He studied the history of different locations and how they were built.
He also went on field trips almost every day if it werenât for the Italian students assigned to tour him around, academic and non-academic. Nights he spent on drinking wine on the rooftop of his dorm with them, screaming his complaints in the world with them.
It didnât hit him that his stay was reaching its end until he submitted his final plate. His goodbye party didnât even feel like one, but a see you later in the next few years after he becomes a licensed architect with money. His goal of it felt more realistic, motivating him to excel in his remaining years in university.
After unpacking half of his things, he was reminded of an email from one of the head professors, who requested another copy of his confidential documents from the Italian university he went to as soon as heâs back on campus.
He raced to the department with a folder of them and luckily encountered the said professor. Handing it to him, this professor questioned how he was and what experiences he gained from the trip. With excitement, Jeno spoke all sorts of tales from his adventures, highlighting how determined he was now to be an architect.
âThatâs great to hear, Jeno!â He celebrated, checking on his watch, and widened his eyes. Frantic at his colliding schedules, he asked Jeno for a favor. It turned out that at the same time as his emergency meeting, heâs supposed to tour the new transferee student around campus.
âOnly if you have time, Jeno! I could always ask another student, plus you just came back and need rest.â
âItâs not like I left for a decade, sir. No worries, Iâll do it.â
âOh, bless your soul.â He put his hands together in prayer position, bowing back and forth with gratitude. âWait, sheâs right outside! Go ahead and introduce yourself.â
Jeno nodded, exiting right through the department doors. This girl had her back turned, inspecting her surroundings. She wore a black and white tweed blazer that matched with her skirt, black high heeled boots, and a black handbag. She must be a foreigner, Jeno thought.
âExcuse me, are you the transferee in the department of Architecture?â
Jeno didnât brace himself for the surprise heâd face once this girl reacted to him calling her out. Her face was one he could never forget, no matter how many times he told himself to. The same face he convinced his heart to stop beating for, yet it lied.
This radiant face was none other than yours.
Jeno almost dropped his phone. He tried his best to hold on to your promise, but he failed. It was the main reason he studied abroad; to forget and focus on his career path. So the least thing he couldâve done was to study hard for his dream career.
Just a glimpse of you projected back every single memory youâve had together. Beautiful yet heart-wrenching, he kept his emotions to himself.
You even wore the rose necklace he got you. Could it be?
âItâs been a while, Lee Jeno.â You took the metaphorical scissors to cut the tension, trying to contain the crushing feelings. The faculty center was a public place, yet itâs like the two of you were on the main stage.
âDo you remember me?â Astounded, you nodded. Every single detail.
Jeno couldâve ran away, but didnât. He couldâve left you hanging, but didnât. He can no longer count how many times youâve appeared in his dreams, only to be disappointed when morning comes to not have you in his arms. He took one step closer, taking his time.
âHow do you know me?â
âYouâre the boy whom I helped with his assignment, argued with me over Romeo and Juliet,â You mimicked his move, making you one step nearer to him. âAnd most of all, the boy I once gave my entire heart to.â
Another step, leaving a few inches between the two of you. His heart palpitated without caffeine. What if he was napping in his dorm again? It was all surreal. âIs it really you, (Y/N)?â
Hearing your name from his lips lowered your guard, you pleased him with a hopeful grin. âIâd be dust by now if I didnât drink Circeâs potion, right?â
Thatâs where Jeno unchained himself from his emotions. He engulfed in a warm hug, one that has no plans to let go when his chin planted on your shoulder. You returned the gesture, dropping all your worries away along with your bag and papers as your arms snaked through his neck.
You knew you had to part ways for a while after everything, though you were unsure how heâd feel about it. You recalled every time he visited you after his job ended up until his intense chat with Sanghoon, where he bawled his heart out. You couldnât take it anymore after trying to stay strong, crying as soon as you woke up that night.
All your fellow figures could do was soothe you down like before to the best of their abilities, yet this time, it was unsuccessful. Youâre filled with misery, realizing later how much of a big mistake youâve made.
Youâve isolated yourself again for a while, but less rudeness and more silence. It was until Circe visited you. She doesnât like getting involved with drama, though now was different. She, alongside Hera and Aphrodite, couldnât withstand you tolerating the heartbreak again. So they went behind Athenaâs back on this one time and created a potion together just for you. But with a compromise.
âThis potion can turn you into a human. However, thereâs only a 10% chance youâll regain all your memories from this place.â
âSo Iâll forget everyone and him?â
âYes, unfortunately.â Youâre about to shoo her away, not in the mood to do something drastic as that. But Circe grabbed your arm again. âI strongly believe that if you and he meant to be, then there will come a time these past memories will suddenly surge at you.â
âMust I need to forget to live properly?â
Youâre stubborn, and Circe expected it. âYouâve broken so many golden rules, (Y/N), so it must be done. Iâve gone against Athena for this potion, and rarely have I done that. So rather than wallowing up in misery, you should focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy because this place is trapping you from every great thing out there.â
Those were the word that the actual (Y/N) (Y/L/N) lived by, nevertheless, youâre unique from her. You built a separate identity from her. âBut Jeno-â
âAt the right time, (Y/N). Pull yourself together and do all the things youâve dreamt of before he came into the picture. I just know he loves you that much, and that he will wait for you.â
That same night, you gathered all your senses and drank it. The transition was fast as lightning speed, and behold, you were like a new person. Youâre back in London, with a family that closely resembled your former one; only 3 older siblings, making you the youngest. You also had a new set of memories, from childhood until your adult years.
From (Y/N) (Y/L/N), you became (Y/N) Edwards.
It took one drunken night out with your university friends for the unlikely surge of old memories to speedily hit through your intoxicated state. Way beyond a dream, youâve dropped your shot glass and broke down in the bathroom of your dorm room. You left something unaccomplished, and you had to do something before itâs too late.
Thus, you rushed to Seoul thanks to your parentsâ support as they agreed that exploring outside your home country was a great experience. The only excuse you gave to your friends for the sudden transfer was you finding a new calling.
Sure, studying abroad was an exciting thing but youâre more determined to reunite with him. Even if this encounter was unforeseen, it was bound to happen one day. It so turned out that you had the same major in your former university and this new one.
Head to toe, you remembered everything.
âIâm so sorry I took so long.â You cradled your head on his chest, unaware of how your new life left Jeno so troubled.
âThat doesnât matter anymore.â Jeno tightened his grip, scared of releasing you again. Those two years felt like a breath of fresh air and a punch in the gut. âI tried to live up to your last wish, but I really canât.â
âI want to take that wish back, Jeno. I wasnât thinking right and only ended putting you through so much.â
âOh, angel. I slowly understood why you did it.â Before he got too fragile, he softened his grip on you and showed his face again to you. He wanted a better look at his pretty girl, his fingers brushing strands of your hair behind your ear. Heart-fluttering, you bit your bottom lip. âWhat would you want to wish for instead?â
âInstead of you letting me go, I wish you could take me back and love me again. I canât undo the past, but Iâd still like to think Iâve tried my best.â That was the only wish you could ever think of. As huge as it was, it was something he may not accept. Yet you gave it a go, risking it all. âI donât deserve you at all, Jeno.â
âDonât say that, (Y/N).â One of his hands grabbed yours, putting it on his cheek. Cupping it, âIâve never stopped loving you, you know.â
Oh, love. An all-too familiar emotion that either makes or breaks you. Of all the times you couldâve said those words, you held back, especially that wretched night you two broke it off. Although you showed it, being able to say it to someone felt more empowering.
This was finally the chance youâve unconsciously waited for.
âIâm stupid for not saying this sooner.â
âWhat is it?â
With intimate eye contact, you drowned in the comfort of his brown orbs. You trusted him then, and you trusted him now. âI love you, Lee Jeno.â
Secretly, Jeno anticipated for the day youâd say those meaningful 3 words. Just like you, he showed more affection through actions than words. He only admitted when he lost you, and never would he do the same mistake again. If he felt that the love was strongly present, he will say it aloud.
âI love you still, (Y/N).â His arm around your waist tugged you in further. âI loved you as (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and I will continue to love you as (Y/N) Edwards.â
He peeked on your ID earlier, but regardless, he stood by his truth. Youâre still the same (Y/N).
Finally, he closed the limited space between your lips. The memories of your past romance replayed in sync of every touching kiss, popping one leg up like in the movies. The Princess Diaries, specifically. Like in the museum from your unbearable parting, one warm tear freed itself down your cheek.
The sweetness of being reunited with you again beat the torturous wait of Jeno. Time really made your hearts grow fonder. As everyone said, if the love between two people is real, then itâll find its way back to each other.
The world must be on your side too because no professor called you two out on your public display of affection. Jeno pecked your lips one time before stepping away, picking up the things you dropped.
âNow come on, I have to tour you around as instructed.â
You stomped on your feet, rolling your eyes from being left hanging. Heâs still the same tease from before. âAfter that kiss though, I wouldâve thought we could reschedule it.â
âNo can do, Edwards.â Passing over your things, he wrapped one arm around you as he escorted you out of the building. The university was huge, with more buildings and green fields surrounded everywhere. âLeft or right? There are a lot of places you missed out on all those years.â
âPoint taken. Then you lead the way, my love.â
#nct#nct au#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#nct imagines#nct dream#nct dream au#nct dream scenarios#nct dream x reader#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#nct dream smut#nct dream imagines#lee jeno#lee jeno x reader#lee jeno au#lee jeno scenarios#lee jeno angst#lee jeno imagines#lee jeno fluff#lee jeno smut#jeno#jeno x reader#jeno au#jeno scenarios#jeno imagines#jeno fluff
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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....
Ahh such a challenging question! Ok I will do my best.
Also I included video games because I can't control myself. Sorry!
1. Wei Wuxian (MDZS/CQL)
The bae. The boo. The blorbo of blorbos. I love everything about him. His stubborn adherence to justice and defending the weak, his clarity of personal values, his genius, his boldness, his wit, his sense of humor, his disaster antics, his teasing, his tendency to challenge, the fact that he plays a flute, his chaos, the way he will do anything for those he loves and will not stand to let them be insulted, his successes, his failures, his intensity, the way he mellows out a little after resurrection, the way he [redacted], etc etc etc. If I even imagined him looking at me intensely or with interest I would DIE.
So yeah I feel a normal amount about him.
2. Ardyn Lucis Caelum/Final Fantasy 15
This guy got SO fucked over. It's like if Jesus died but then god didn't resurrect him, he let another person take the credit. That's kind of what happened to Ardyn!! I can see how he ended up on the trajectory that he did, I would be pissed off and probably lose sight of myself too. Anyway yeah super interesting back story. On top of that he's got awkward uncle energy and just the most bizarre fashion sense.
3. Kamishiro Rize/Tokyo Ghoul
I just vibe with her for some reason. Love her style, she likes books. She eats a lot, that's cute. Learning more about her history later on in the series added some complexity, but she was already striking to me from the start. She refused to be tamed. (I mean. She was definitely doing bad things, lol. But in terms of a character I like her a lot.) Oh, and I think the friendship she sort of had with Tsukiyama Shuu is hilarious.
4. Zack Fair/Final Fantasy 7
Just a genuinely goodhearted, goofy guy. But also excellent at what he does. Even in the corrupt world of Shinra, he never loses sight of what being a hero means to him.
5. Aerith Gainsborough/Final Fantasy 7
Sweet, playful, fun, with hidden power. At the same time she has gone through huge challenges: loneliness, isolation, loss, incarceration, etc. She's really good at building community and bringing people together. Absolute wife material.
6. Xie Lian/Tian Guan Ci Fu
I love how comprehensive of a portrait that TGCF gives of him. Even when he was young and overconfident, he was still kind. He wasn't arrogant. He went through suffering and still came out the other side committed to kindness. He contemplated cruelty and still chose kindness. At the same time he can be a total bitch sometimes, and I love him for that. Mostly, I love that he's like a cool, dashing hero with a silly and self-conscious side. Nothing ruffles his feathers (except Hua Cheng).
7. The Room
I like Lisa's mom. And the football.
8. Hancock/Fallout 4
This crusty ghoul mayor who lives in post-apocalyptic United States, dresses in 17th century getup, and does a lot of drugs. He has a strong sense of justice though. Lives by his own moral code. Stands up for those who need a defender. Rebel with a cause. I have a type.
9. V from Cyberpunk 2077
Main protag of the game. You can play them many different ways in terms of personality, but i think the situation they are put in is extremely interesting. I got very attached to this character, moreso than I usually do to build-your-own protagonists from other open world games.
10. Boxcar from fallout new vegas
There's this character in the game fallout new Vegas who you find sitting alone in a ghost town that just suffered an attack. He's an escaped convict. He survived the attack but his legs are broken. He's super pissed off and rude and bitchy. You're able to help him and give him medicine, but he just continues to sit there being pissed off for the entire rest of the game. I have played this game so many times and I always enjoy talking to him. I wish he could leave after you give him the medicine.
Bonus: Zhen Huan from the Legend of Zhen Huan.
This historical palace harem drama has so many good characters but the protagonist has interesting character development over time.
So many different telenovela villains.
I would need a whole separate post. No one does evil quite like a telenovela villain. They just do bad stuff to be doing bad stuff.
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sapphire - part 2
Peter Parker x reader
A/n: Part 1 is up on my page! Thereâs a couple flashbacks in this one so I put the dates before so it doesnât get confusing. If you enjoy this one, like or reblog to share! I already wrote part 3 and itâs my favorite one yet so thatâll def be up soon :)
tag- @juliannaamonroeâ
Warnings: swearing, make out, violence
(September 1)
Weâre one minute away. Come out hoe!
You smile as you read the text, glancing at yourself in the mirror again, nerves and excitement ablaze in your stomach. Youâd been planning for this day since last winter, and now it was finally here. You adjust your carefully styled hair and double check that the natural makeup you applied was sitting on your skin correctly.
Of course it was. That goddamn injection sometimes made you feel like a vampire out of twilight and sometimes you still got surprised when you saw your own face while passing a mirror or a particularly reflective window. You smooth down the ruffles of your short black skirt and tug the top of your tank top down so a bit more of your curves show.
You put on your white sneakers and tug your shirt back up to cover your chest again. Weâll have to work up to that, I guess. A long honk sounds from outside your apartment building and you curse as you scramble to grab your backpack and phone before running down and out the front steps.
âAwwww,â You say sweetly at the sight of the two girls who had become your best friends. âThatâs the shirt you were wearing when we met, Ally.â You jokingly brush away a tear, pretending to be ultra touched.
âBest damn day of my life.â Ally says from her spot in the drivers seat, laughing at your dramatics. She may be joking around, but her sentiment makes your heart clench. This year really was going to be different.
***
(July 3)
You quickly realized you needed to find some Midtown friends if your plan for senior year was going to work. If you dared to show up looking, well, like you do, completely alone and friendless, you might become even more of an outcast than you were before. The first month of summer had been the least lonely time of your year so far, thanks to a certain Spiderman.
The two of you spent most of your nights together, flying through the city, fighting crime together, and talking. The âslowâ nights that used to fill you with boredom quickly became your favorite when he was involved. The sound of his laugh and the jokes he makes during fights quickly became the highlight of your days.
But you couldnât let yourself get too distracted by him. After all, neither of you knew what the other looked like. The only other boy youâd ever found remotely cute (other than celebrities) was nerdy Peter Parker from your high school. He wasnât your usual type and he seemed to be just as shy as you were, so you had little (zero) hope that it would ever lead to anything more than a smile during the hallway if you accidentally made eye contact.
Sorry Spiderman, but no way in hell are you gonna make me lose my focus. The loneliness you had felt through the last three years of high school was too much. Your plan had to work. So that night as the two of you patrolled together, you softly mentioned that you were going to a pool party tomorrow and wouldnât be able to meet.
He seemed a bit disappointed, but you brushed it off, trying to remember the names of the girls at your school who seemed nice. Peter, however, couldnât focus on anything other than the fact that you had told him where you would be tomorrow. There was only so many pool parties in a city like New York.
You tried not to think about who was under the Spiderman mask out of respect and, to be honest, it seemed like a pointless endeavor. Peter was not the same. No matter how tired he was from patrol, he always had time to lay awake before he fell asleep and picture what you would look like under the mask.
There wasnât very many people who understood Peterâs secret life. None, actually, until you. Maybe that was why he was so intrigued by you, because you were so similar, but in his heart he knew that wasnât it. He liked you. And he hated himself for it. But once you mentioned the pool party, he made sure to take one long last glance at the color of your hair before you two said goodbye. Just in case he happened to see that same hair tomorrow.
(July 4)
You were so, so nervous. Your closet of exclusively sweats and hoodies was trashed as Part 1 of your plan, much to your motherâs happiness. She had always been honest about her hatred of your junior year clothes and was extremely excited to purchase everything you needed. As distant as she was, you had to give her a little credit.
Although youâd been wearing the new clothes for the past month, this was the first time you were doing it so publicly. Your denim shorts exposed miles of smooth leg, and youâd decided to wear a red tube top in honor of the holiday-not to mention it really showed off your curves. Youâd meticulously done your hair and makeup like youâd been practicing the past month and prayed that somebody would talk to you today.
Youâd seen the flyer for the Fourth of July party on Instagram, which had been step 2. Unfortunately, you had two followers. Your mom and her boyfriend. Step 2 is a work in progress.
One long walk later, and youâre in front of the address. You swear you could explode of nerves right there, but instead you take a deep breath and force your legs to carry you inside the house and towards the people out by the pool.
Your eyes are so focused on your destination, the glass sliding door, that you barely notice when you bump shoulders with someone, causing you to drop your phone.
âOh my god, Iâm so sorry. I wasnât looking where I was going.â You say, reaching down to grab your phone.
âOh my god, stop. That was totally my fault.â You stand back up to see the girl who was speaking, and you recognize her immediately. Her name is Ally, and sheâs a part of the most popular group at school. Despite her long black hair and sweet smile, you havenât heard many good things about her. Not the type of person you were looking for.
âDo you go to Midtown? I donât think Iâve seen you around.â Ally says, making no move to walk away from the conversation.
âYeah, actually. My name is Y/n?â You donât miss the way her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen with confusion and shock. Youâre embarrassed now, realizing maybe you werenât as invisible as youâd thought. In an effort to explain away the last few years, âMy dad left a couple years ago and it was pretty hard on me, but Iâm all better now.â You flash the most dazzling smile you can manage and hope she accepts it.
âNo way, mine did too!â She gasps as she grabs your hands. You feel a small pang of guilt at that. It was a lie, you had no idea who your dad was and frankly, you didnât think your mom knew either.
The conversation starts to flow between you and Ally easily as you make your way out to the pool. âThis is my best friend Betty.â Ally introduces you to the sweet-as-pie girl and the three of you quickly fall into a conversation like youâd known each other forever. A few of their guy friends tried to come up and talk to you, but she just waved them away. âLeave us alone, we just met our new best friend.â
You felt bad for judging Ally so harshly earlier, blindly trusting the stupid rumors youâd heard about her. Popular or not, the three of you got along better than any of the other friends youâd tried to make throughout your life. They do briefly make fun of your instagram before forcing you to take and post pictures with the two of them by the pool. They both tag your account.
Peter didnât seem to share the good luck you did. Heâd dragged Ned to 6 different pool parties across the city and saw no one who looked like Sapphire. Disappointed, he spent the night patrolling alone and dodging fireworks.
***
(September 1)
Since that day, youâd become a trio with Ally and Betty. The day after the pool party youâd woken up to nearly 1,000 followers on your instagram. Everyone from Midtown who never gave you a second look when you had your hood shoved over your head now wanted to be your friend.
The three of you spent the rest of your summer days together, and you fit into the popular friend group better than you could have imagined. Maybe you watched too many teen movies, but you expected them to be mean. The only mean one was Flash, and even he was basically harmless. Youâd given up Saturday night patrols with Spiderman for a weekly girls night with your new best friends. You thought having new friends and a bustling social life wouldâve made it easier to forget about Spiderman, but somehow he seeped into every area of your life.
That damn laugh. As Ally and Betty sing along to the radio loudly, you bite your lip to stop a dumb smile from rising to your lips. God, just thinking about him made you flustered. As Ally drives into the school parking lot, nerves bubble in your stomach.
As if you arenât stressed enough, your brain decides this is the perfect moment to remind you of the one night this summer you and Spiderman havenât talked about since.
*** (August 14)
The two of you were sprawled out on a gravel rooftop next to each other. Not the most comfortable of relaxing spots, but youâd both grown tired of flying around under the summer heat with no hint of trouble for miles.
âThis sucks.â Spiderman huffs out.
âRude.â You reply quickly, even though you know he isnât talking about you.
âOh, no,â He immediately sits up. âI didnât mean you suck, I just meant, you know, because thereâs not much going on right now and itâs hot and-â He sees your cheeky smile and stops himself with a laugh. âSorry.â
âNo, itâs cute.â You bite your lip. The fuck did I just say? Before you can begin to explain, he jumps to his feet.
âSpidey sense, letâs go!â You jump up too and follow after him as he jumps off the building. Thank god. Iâve never been so grateful that someoneâs in trouble. The fight was tough, even with the both of you. These men had strange guns that keep firing at you and Spiderman even though youâd tried multiple times to crush them with your powers.
âThe guns are magic-proof! I canât destroy them!â You yell over to Spiderman as you take down one of the men in between punches.
Somehow, two men get ahold of their guns and corner you. Just as you start levitating to fly over them, a web shoots from somewhere behind them and the men and their guns are yanked away. Spiderman wastes no time and you swear he seems angry with the two men as he webs them to the wall next to their friends before picking up the guns and violently smashing them on the ground.
Youâre still frozen in shock, watching him. When he seems to be satisfied with the broken pile of guns on the floor, he runs back over to you. âIâm so sorry, I know we promised-â You finally break out of whatever trance you were in to place a finger over his lips, casting a disgusted glance towards the men staring at you from their webbed cocoons.
âNot here.â You say quietly, and fly the two of you quickly up to the roof. He blinks for a second, his head spinning from the speed. You rarely use your full speed, especially with him, but you had to get out of there. âOkay, go ahead.â You say after a second of silence.
âIâm so sorry, I know we agreed not to get in each otherâs way, and I know you can handle yourself, probably better than I can. Hold on, I didnât mean I handle you. That sounded weird. Anyways, I just got so angry when I saw those men pointing their guns at you I had to-â Heâs talking about the agreement you two had made when you first started working together. You both obviously were skilled, so you agreed that you wouldnât interrupt each otherâs fights unless asked.
âSpidey, I really donât care you interrupted. It was hot.â JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN. You immediately winced and slap a hand over your mouth. âOh my god I did NOT mean to say that Iâm so sorry.â
Your rambling is cut off as Spidermanâs hand travels up to the bottom of his mask and you think your eyes might fall out of your head with how wide they become as he begins to pull it up, revealing the soft pale skin of his neck.
His jaw, chin, and then lips become visible as he lets the mask rest on his nose. The 0.5 seconds that have passed since you stopped talking feel like an eternity until he suddenly leans forward, crashing his lips into yours. Spiderman is an amazing kisser, you decide, as you gently kiss him back.
WHAT AM I DOING? Your mind is going haywire but instead of stopping, you deepen the kiss and nearly smile when he lets out a low moan. Everything youâve told yourself about focus and distractions flies out the window when his gloved hands clutch your waist and pull you closer to him than you thought possible.
It feels like itâs only been a second when he pulls away, but your eyes flicker to his swollen lips and you know it must have been longer. You smile as you stare at his lips, only inches from yours, but as your gaze moves to the rest of his exposed skin the smile drops slowly.
Your rational mind comes back. Itâs easy to forget when youâre with him that youâve only known each other a couple months. How could you do this? Your first time making out with a boy, and he doesnât even know your name.
âWe shouldnât be doing this.â You whisper as he starts to say something. Â âSorry, what were you going to say?â He blinks slowly and takes a deep breath before stepping away from you.
âNevermind. See you tomorrow.â And he swings away from you. You silently curse yourself for being such a big mouth, wanting to know what he would have said. You canât help the small voice in the back of your head, telling you that you made the wrong decision.
You raise your hand to run your fingers along your tingling lips before flying home as fast as you can.
***
(September 1)
You wince at the painful memory before reminding yourself everything was back to normal the next day and neither of you mentioned it again. You still werenât sure if that was good or bad. You force all thoughts of Spiderman out of your brain and even give Ally an encouraging cheer when she successfully parks on her first try.
You donât remember Midtown having so many fucking students last year, but maybe it was because they were all staring at you. Any confidence youâd had as you opened Allyâs car door had disappeared as everyone around you turned to gawk. The bright smile youâd pasted on a second ago quickly fell and you glanced at Ally nervously.
âCome on, girls!â She says enthusiastically, grabbing an arm from you and Betty as she breaks the brief moment of awkward silence. God bless you Ally. As the three of you hoist your bags over your shoulders and make your way into the school, you mouth a quick thank you her way, hoping she can see your genuine appreciation. She smiles at you. âIâm happy weâre going into this year as three instead of two.â
Betty leans forward to smile at you. âMe too, y/n. Iâm really happy youâre here.â Â You smile back brightly. There really was no one as sweet as Betty.
âYou wonât be so happy Iâm here when I talk your ear off during class.â The three of you continue laughing and joking your way down the hall to stop at your lockers.
âOh my god, is that Y/n?â Ned interrupts Peterâs latest ramble about his night with Sapphire. Usually, he really did listen. Ned was fully invested in the superhero love story, as he called it, unfolding. But the sight of a girl notorious for hiding in her own baggy clothes across the hall in a miniskirt and tank top was more important.
âY/n?â Peter asks, confused why Ned wasnât paying attention. But when he turned around to see what Ned was staring at, he understood. Heâd seen you around school the past three years, but never like this.
You looked like a fucking model. And everyone in the hall couldnât help but stare. âHoly shit.â
âRight, dude?â Ned breathes out, the two of them shamelessly staring. âWhy didnât that happen to me over summer? Oh my god, of course sheâs friends with Betty.â
Peter laughs as his best friend goes on about âtwo pretty best friendsâ but he canât take his eyes off of you. The light in your eyes as you joke with your friends, making them double over in laughter, feels strangely familiar. Or maybe thatâs wishful thinking on his part because youâre extremely pretty.
He watches in surprise as you and Ally walk up to the AP Chem classroom, waving goodbye to Betty sadly as she heads off to English. You turn to walk into the classroom after Ally, but you pause and look back down the hallway-right at him. Instead of yelling at him for being a creep like he expected, you smile at him widely before heading into the class. He exhales deeply and glances down at his schedule quickly, a smile appearing. AP Chem.
Of course his thoughts are still consumed by Sapphire, but it was hard to ignore you especially after seeing his name on the seating chart next to yours in the back row. Plus, Sapphire was the one whoâd shot him down after he finally tried to make a move after catching onto the hints he thought sheâd been dropping.
He felt bad for thinking that about her, he didnât blame her at all. He knew there was a million reasons they shouldnât be together-and he didnât want to know specifics on why he wasnât good enough. Sapphire hadnât brought up that night since, and he was fine to pretend it never happened.
You were already in your seat at the lab table, but Ally was still standing next to you waving her hands wildly as you two spoke. He doesnât want to interrupt so he freezes in place, unsure of whether or not to go sit down. Heâd thought you were cute, and a little shy like him in freshman and sophomore year and he remembered the many times he would look at you from across the room like he is now.
His eyes had been quick to find you whenever you two were in the same room ever since the first day of school freshman year when you smiled at him in the hall. Even last year, when all he saw of you was a curled up lump at your desk or a sliver of hair peeking out from behind your hood he still noticed you.
Luckily for him, the bell rings and he slides into his seat just as the teacher begins speaking. âHi, Peter.â You lean over to him, your shoulders nearly touching, and whisper so the teacher doesnât hear. âIâm y/n.â You smile warmly as his cheeks and ears turn light pink.
âYou donât have to introduce yourself. Weâve gone to school together since we were 6?â Now itâs your turn to be embarrassed and you purse your lips together.
âNo, I know, just-â Peter notices you seem a bit frustrated as you glance around the room and then lean even closer to him. âEverybody thinks Iâm new.â You nervously mess with your bracelet.
âYou do look a bit different.â He points out and you raise your eyebrows before sighing slowly and shrugging.
âI was just sick of feeling invisible, you know. Not because I care what anyone here thinks. Last year was just, really, really lonely.â Peter watches you intently as you speak, hanging onto your every word.
Your confession made him sad. If only heâd been brave enough to ask if you were okay. You pause for a second and meet his eyes. Any other guy in this school wouldâve laughed at you by now. You gesture to your outfit and nervously adjust your skirt. âIâm also not a superficial person. It wasnât about changing how I looked, I just needed the confidence to put myself out there.â You pause and nod towards Ally with a smile. Peter glances over to Ally and sees her blow you a kiss, which you catch across the room with a giggle.
I miss you! She mouths with a dramatic frown and this time Peter laughs quietly with you. âI thought she was a bitch before I met her.â He looks at you with surprise to find you smiling at him. âBut,â you hold up a finger for dramatic effect, âbecause I put myself out there, I met my best friends. A lot of people around here judge on appearances. Iâm not like that anymore.â You say with confidence.
âThatâs really cool of you.â Peter whispers back, and the sound sends an involuntary shiver down your spine. Heâs so close to you and the feelings you thought you left behind two years ago donât seem so left behind as you stare into his warm eyes. âFor the record, Iâd be your friend no matter what you look like.â
Peter has only been this nervous a couple times before in his life, and he canât help but feel like heâs betraying Sapphire with the way heâs thinking about you. He watches as you smile warmly at his words and extend your hand towards his.
âFriends? Even though I'm so much uglier now?â You pout your bottom lip out, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He nearly laughs out loud and has to remind himself youâre still in class. âI know guys go wild for the homeless man sweatpants look.â Youâre both trying to hold back your laughter, shaking silently in the back of the class as he raises his hand and grabs yours.
âFriends.â Peter isnât sure why he keeps going, but he does. âAnd just so you know, you were never ugly. I donât know why you tried so hard to hide yourself last year, but even then,â the words leaving his mouth sound confident but Peter takes a deep breath before looking up from his lap to meet your eyes. Your wide eyes and surprised smile give him just the confidence he needs to finish. âYou could never be ugly.â Peter can hear his heart beating.
You blink at him. This boy could not be real. Here he was, basically implying that the one thing you had wanted all along, for somebody to notice you, was true. Not only was it true, but it was Peter fucking Parker telling you this. Despite everything that had changed you in the past year, the giddy feeling in your bones brought you back to sophomore year and pining over Peter.
âReally?â Your smile spreads and he seems to let out a deep breath of relief.
âYeah.â He smiles back at you until your sweet moment is interrupted by a fat ass syllabus dropping onto the lab table in front of you.
âFuck,â you whisper. âThis class is gonna be so much homework.â You turn the page so Peter can briefly see the list of projects alone, and itâs enough to make him cringe.
Something about the way the whispers travel back and forth between you all class makes you realize you hadnât fallen into a friendship this easily, even with Ally. Even with Spiderman, your brain points out.
A red and blue suit swings into your mind and you are hit with a wave of guilt. Not two hours ago I was thinking about my make out with Spiderman, and now Iâm comparing him to Peter?Â
You have all but one class together, and you canât help but glance in Peterâs direction any chance you get. The only time you donât see him is at lunch, even though you look all around the lunch room for him or the boy heâd been standing with this morning. You thought it would be too creepy to ask him where heâd been.
Finally, the last bell of the day rang, and you were sure if you didnât have superpowers you wouldâve been exhausted. School is kinda draining when you actually acknowledge people. Ally and Betty share your complaints about being tired on your drive home, all three of you agreeing you need naps. You kiss them both on the cheek and wave goodbye before heading up to your room.
Forget what I said about having superpowers. Iâm fucking tired. You lay down on your bed, groaning into the pillow at the thought of having to patrol tonight. You sat up abruptly. Youâd never dreaded patrol, it was always the thing you looked forward to. You glance towards the suit in your closet and sigh.
Itâs not patrol Iâm nervous about. Itâs him. You feel incredibly guilty about today. Iâm not a two timer. If I want to like Peter, I have to talk to Spiderman about that kiss first. You start to make your way over to the closet before another wave of exhaustion hits, sending you straight back to your bed.
After a nap. Then weâll talk.
#peter parker imagine#peter parker x reader#peter parker angst#peter parker fluff#peter parker smut#avengers#marvel#spiderman#tom holland imagine#tom holland x reader#tom holland angst#tom holland fluff#tom holland smut
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Temporary--Luke&Lily series
a/n: so sorry itâs taken me a month to complete this. Itâs a heavy topic with a lot of emotions and I was feeling what my characters were feeling. This is very detail oriented, some medical jargon (I did my best research and some of it was from watching Greyâs Anatomy which I know isnât realistic but I tried)
warnings: NICU mentions throughout, premature birth, C-section, sadness, moments of grief and loneliness, some sexual content. **Please read very carefully, this is a sensitive topic**
word count: 9.7k
Masterlist
Luke&Lily Masterlist
Magical Memoriess&Misfortunes (<-- catch up here)
feedback is always welcome, I hope you enjoy it.
****
Itâs like youâre in a horrible dream. Youâre frozen in terror at the multiple bodies moving above you, their voices warped but all you feel is immense pain and fright. You search for Luke through your blurred and clouded vision. The lights are too bright. It hurts your eyes.
You think you hear your name through the thick cotton cloud that has somehow gotten in your ear. Why canât you hear properly? Whereâs Luke? How did you get on this moving bed?
Another white-hot-blazing pain slices through you. You think you scream. Hands are on you and then it goes blackâŠ
âŠWhen you wake up, youâre still in this horrible nightmare that wonât seem to end. Usually when the terrible things keep happening, you wake up in a cold sweat.
ââŠ. lovieâŠâ
Your head lolls to the side and you see Lukeâs eyes peeking out above a blue mask and a blue cap. It still feels like youâre stuck in a cloud and you feel a tug below you. Before you can look down, Luke cups your cheek and shakes his head.
You donât know what he means but tears start rolling down your cheeks and then you close your eyes again. Why canât you wake up? You just want to wake up, get out of this night terrorâŠ
âŠComing to again and you hear more voices and commotion. You hear the urgency. Their words meet your ears, but the meaning doesnât register with your brain. What is happening? Luke still has a firm grip on your face, but you look beyond him and see a group of people in blue gathered around a small thing. Their hands work quickly. You wish your tears would make whatâs happening clearer.
âHeâs breathing! Itâs very labored!â
âIntubate him. Page Dr. Chambers.â
âMove people!â
He? Whoâs he?
You look to Luke and heâs smiling through his own tears, his forehead pressed to yours.
Just as youâre about to connect the very blurry dots, more pain ensues. This is the worst thing youâve ever felt in your life. Itâs all over your body and itâs in your chest, collapsing onto you.
More voices.
More urgency.
More terror.
More questions.
Then, you drift off once more, the pain ceasing with each gasped breath.
**
Soft, methodical beeps drift you awake. Youâre not on that strange cloud anymore but your body feels heavy, weighted. You search your brain for where you are, the sheets are crisp and your feet are cold. Disney World swims by and youâre confused because you remember waking up after you fainted.
Was that real?
Or is this real?
Then it hits you, like the snap of a rubber band breaking all the distorted memories and voices and hands all come back. The pain. The tug. HeâŠ
You gasp and flash your eyes open. Youâre met with a white ceiling and wires and tubes suspended above you. Thereâs commotion to your left then Lukeâs face is in your vision. His eyes are red with dark circles underneath them; his hair is a disarray as if heâs been pulling his fingers through it repeatedly.
âOh, thank God, Y/N I was so worried. They told me youâd be asleep for a while because you lost so much bloodâŠso much bloodâŠbut youâre okay now. Youâre awake. Iâm right here, lovie, Iâm right here,â he rushes out in a frantic whisper.
He touches your forehead carefully and heâs so warm. Youâre still trying to string everything together but thereâs so many gaps in time. Youâre pinpointing things by the different types of pain you experienced.
âWhatâŠwhat happened?â you croak then try to swallow. But your mouth and throat are so dry itâs like trying to swallow sand. It hurts.
When will the pain stop?
Lukeâs eyes soften, he continues to stroke your forehead and into your hair. He licks his chapped lips then shakes his head.
âIâŠâ
âDid I lose the baby?â you whisper, voice sounding like broken glass. Tears well up in your eyes again.
âNo, no, noâŠshhh, shhh,â he soothes wiping at your tears with his other hand.
âThey donâtâŠâ he takes a deep shuddering breath, âyou had a C-section. Heâs in the NICU being monitored, I only got a small glimpse of him before they took him away. Heâs so small and I donât know whatâs happening, no one has come by and Iâve been worried you wouldnât wake up.â
And then youâre comforting him by pulling his head to yours, he sobs into you and you pet his hair. Your voice is lost, you feel the sudden loss of your baby not in you anymore, your heart is very fragile and seeing Luke like this terrifies you.
But Luke also said âheâ and a small smile appears on your lips. You have a son.
âIâm so glad youâre awake, baby,â he whispers. You feel his hot tears soak through the gown on your shoulder.
âCan you call for a nurse?â you ask kissing his hair delicately. At least, you hope you do because your lips are also very chapped and dry. You need some damn water.
âWhat hurts?â his head snaps up and you see why his eyes are so red; from his tears.
You swallow and swipe at his own tears.
âWe need damn information about our son, and I need some damn water,â your voice shakes with ferocity. Luke punches the call button repeatedly until a nurse runs in.
**
After hydrating yourself with water, Luke took your hand keeping his gaze on you as you demanded the nurse to get your doctor, or your sonâs doctor, to come and give you information. Youâre never normally one to yell at someone, but your memories have so many holes in them you need to know whatâs happened.
The nurse tries to console you but youâre hell bent on finding out about your son. Your son you havenât even seen yet.
âI will walk there if I have to,â you threaten through gritted teeth. The more frustrated you become the more prominent the throb and ache below your waist also becomes.
âI will go find your doctor right away, maâam,â the nurse nods frantically and runs from the room. You glare in his wake.
Luke squeezes your hand; you look at him.
âI love you,â he says simply but you hear way more than that.
Iâm scared, too. I donât know what to do either. Weâre in this together. Iâm never letting go.
Shortly after, a doctor walks in the room, her expression timid and sheâs scrolling on her iPad.
âMrs. Hemmings, how are you feeling? Any pain we can help with? Iâm Dr. Wilson and I administered the C-section.â
âIâm fine. Take me to my son and let me know whatâs happening,â you demand.
âMrs. Hemmings, with your son being born at only 25 weeks the next 24 hours is very critical. We are monitoring him as we speak, I have my best staff on his watch,â Dr. Wilson explains, her voice cool and collected.
âWhat happened?â
Dr. Wilson steps closer to your side of the bed, her round face and almond-shaped eyes show both kindness and fire in them. Youâre still on the fence on how to feel about her because she didnât tell Luke anything.
âPart of your placenta was twisted, and it caused you to go into early labor which also caused stress on your baby. Thankfully, you got here in time and we were able to get him out before it became worse. His breathing was labored and with him being so small and born extremely early, his organs havenât fully developed yet.â
âWhy are the next 24 hours critical?â Luke asks, his hold on your hand is like a death grip.
âBecause heâs still so small, his lungs arenât at the correct size they should be. Lack of oxygen can cause severe brain damage or heart failure. We have an ET, endotracheal tube in his mouth which is hooked to a ventilator to help him breathe. An IV is also administering the nutrition he needs, weâre monitoring his heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen levels, and heâs being kept in an incubator that helps simulate the inside of the womb.â
You take in all the information, your heart longing for your baby boy that you have no idea what he looks like.
âWhatâs the survival rate for a baby born at 25 weeks?â your voice cracks. Luke shifts closer to you, his other hand covering yours.
Dr. Wilson glances between you and Luke before answering solemnly, âBetween 67 to 76% survival.â
Luke lets out a choked gasp and you shift your eyes to the ceiling to keep the burning tears from falling.
âI can promise you Mr. and Mrs. Hemmings, that we are doing everything in our power to make sure he makes it through the next 24 hours. Heâs a strong little guy.â
âIs there any way we can see him?â Lukeâs voice wavers and is thick with emotion.
âInfection is very prominent right now; any outside contact can make him head in a worse direction.â
âPlease,â you beg in a whisper meeting Dr. Wilsonâs eyes. You notice that theyâre brown. âI need to see him. I donât want him to be alone if heâŠif heâŠâ
You bite your lip and shake your head; youâre too overcome with emotions to finish a sentence you donât even want to think about.
âMrs. Hemmings, I canât risk your stitches tearing. Youâve lost a lot of blood; your blood pressure is extremely high due to the stress of early labor.â
âI donât care! Please, let me see him. I need to see what my baby looks like,â you cry. Luke rubs at your shoulder affectionately saying your name. You canât look at him now. If you do youâll lose this fiery courage thatâs inside you right now.
âI understand. Iâll see what I can do, but are you sure you arenât in any pain?â
âMy stomach hurts,â you whisper.
âIâll have a nurse fix that for you. I will be right back,â Dr. Wilson smiles then leaves the room.
The male nurse you screamed at comes back in and makes quick work with your IV. Youâre too distraught to look or even speak to Luke so you keep your eyes fixed on the white board on the opposite wall. The name of your nurse is Tom, and you look at each yellow face on the ârate your painâ scale. Youâre fixated on the number zero face, itâs the happiest looking one with a wide-open smile.
That scale is wrong. The pain and fear and worry youâre feeling doesnât equate a ten. Itâs too powerful, it weighs down on you but at the same time you feel nothing. The pain is too much that itâs also gone. Your pain is at a zero, a big circle of nothing and everything all at once.
**
Youâre not sure how much time has passed before Dr. Wilson comes back.
âI cannot take you to see him, but I found a way where you can see him,â she smiles then hands you her iPad.
Itâs heavy in your hand and you gasp upon the first look of your baby boy. Heâs surrounded by blankets under a large light with tubes, wires, and circular patches attached to his tiny, tiny self. You see his small chest moving rapidly with his breaths and you see the tiniest hat on his head. Luke drapes himself next to you, his lips pressing onto your temple.
âThere he is,â you whisper touching your finger to the screen. âHe looks so helplessâŠâ
âHow is he?â Luke asks.
âHis oxygen level is still very low, but heâs taking the nutrients very well.â
Youâve already got his features memorized, and yet you canât stop looking at him. You wish you could touch him, let him know youâre there and that you love him.
âCan we keep this in here?â you ask.
âOf course. Iâll be back with more updates, but I need you to rest and heal yourself, Mrs. Hemmings. Is there any family we need to contact?â
âThe girls!â you gasp and turn to Luke.
âShit,â he exhales then checks the time on his watch. âLilyâs with Cory by now and PosyâŠshit! Iâll call Ashton and then call CoryâŠâ
He continues to mumble to himself as he searches for his phone. You turn back to the screen, your heart longing for your little boy.
**
Hours have gone by, the room youâre in is darkened from the night sky peeking through the blinds. The iPad is still on your lap and youâve heard every conversation Luke has had while he made phone calls. Daycare called Ashton when neither you nor Luke picked Posy up and both of your phones went unanswered.
According to Ashton, Luke sent out a text to the band group chat that said âat hospital. Emergency get the girls will callâ but he doesnât even remember sending it. Everything happened so fast and yet it felt like it dragged.
Posy is at your home with Ashton and KayKay who said will stay with her for as long as you two need. Just when you think of Lily, Luke already asks if theyâd be all right picking her up from Coryâs on Sunday and they said yes.
âLily might want to stay with Cory,â you tell him after he hangs up with Ashton. Heâs tapping away at his phone, probably texting Calum and Michael or his family. Or all of them. Youâre not sure but now you have Lily and Posy on your mind.
âItâs too late to call him,â Luke mutters and falls into the chair beside your bed. He scoots closer and peers at the iPad screen.
âWhereâs my phone? Iâll call him so he and Ella can discuss it,â you hold out your hand.
âLovie, itâs almost ten thirty at nightââ
âGive me my phone so I can call him, Luke,â you interrupt a little too harshly. âPlease.â
He holds your gaze for a moment before reaching into his other pants pocket. He hands you your phone and you scroll to Coryâs name under your favorites. You stare at your baby boy as the phone rings.
âHey, Y/N, whatâs going on?â Cory asks and you feel your emotions rising to the surface at the sound of his voice.
You force them down.
âUm, me and Luke are at the hospital. SomethingâŠâ you suck in a large breath but your voice still trembles. âSomething went wrong and I had an emergency C-section and the baby is in the NICU. Posy is home with Ashton and KayKay and they said theyâd pick up Lily tomorrow but I know sheâd probably want to stay with you. And IâŠI know itâs a lot to ask of you, but Lily needs to know. Sheâs been seeing everything going on around her and I donât want her to be scared.â
âOf course, they can both stay with us. I still have Lilyâs toddler bed. How are you? Tell me whatâs going on.â
You tell him everything. Luke holds your hand as you do, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over your knuckles and your wedding ring.
âThe doctor said heâs all right for now but he has to get through the next 24 hours?â Cory clarifies gently.
âYes.â
âFirst of all, congratulations on a little boy,â he says and you can hear his smile through the phone. âYouâre doing fine and he is too and heâll continue to get better because heâs a fighter.â
âHow do you know that? Heâs so small, CoryâŠ.â
âI know it because youâre a fighter, Iâm sure youâre giving the nursing staff hell and highwater to get answers,â he chuckles.
âMaybe a little. I feel bad about it.â
âYouâre scared and youâre worried and this all happened so fast. But Luke is with you and youâve got all of us supporting and loving you. You should try and get some sleep and Iâll tell Lily everything in the morning. Do you want me to call you so she can talk to you?â
âYeah, thatâd be great. Thanks, Cory.â
âTell Luke I say hi and that Iâm here for you two, okay?â
âOkay.â
âIâll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, Y/N.â
âLove you too,â you sigh then the call ends. You turn to Luke, the circles under his eyes seem to have darkened and you reach over to touch the shadows on his cheeks. âHe said heâll keep the girls and will call tomorrow so we can talk to Lily. He says hi.â
Luke nods slowly then laces his fingers with yours. He kisses the tips of your fingers, his eyes closing.
**
You and Luke were sent hourly updates on your son. Heâs been in the same condition each time, you try to find positivity in that because heâs not getting worse, but heâs also not in the clear yet. When Cory called again with Lily on the phone, you and Luke tried to make your voices sound positive. She asked a lot of questions and wondered when she could come see her new brother.
âHeâs a little sick right now, honey. We need him to get better so we can all be together, okay?â you told her and she was silent for a while.
âWhen are you and dada gonna come home?â
âHopefully soon, my love,â Luke tells her.
âWhat about Piggy?â
âUncle Cal has her at his house,â you make up then quickly look to Luke whoâs already pulling out his phone to text Calum.
Youâre being horrible parents, forgetting everything like this but all of it still doesnât seem real. Probably because you havenât actually seen or held your son in your own arms. Your stitches are healing nicely but your body still seems to think itâs pregnant and that stirs up even more conflicting emotions.
âBe a good girl for your daddy and Ella, okay my sweet?â
âOkay. Can you give my brother a kiss for me?â
âWe will, Lily. We love you so much.â
You and Luke tried to occupy your time by watching tv but youâre only watching the bodies move across the screen. You nod on and off but always jerk awake in case you miss the doctor or nurse coming in. Luke comforts you each time, assuring you that thereâs no change and points to the screen where you can see your son.
The circles under his eyes only seem to darken with each passing minute. He helps you walk to the bathroom and back into bed. You try telling him he can go home to shower and get more clothes but he refuses.
âIâm not leaving you or our son until I know heâs okay.â
One of your favorite movies is playing on the tv, itâs a black and white film about a couple who adopts a baby girl. It goes through their funny moments trying to figure it all out but it ends tragically with the little girl getting sick. You drifted off before it came to that part and then you were shaken awake by Luke.
Dr. Wilson enters the room with a big smile on her face. You and Luke take hold of each otherâs hands, holding onto each other in desperation.
âHeâs in the clear. His oxygen levels have elevated and he has a steady heartbeat. Itâs still going to be a while until youâll be able to take him home, heâs still at risk for a lot of infection and we want to make sure his organs continue to develop correctly,â Dr. Wilson explains.
âHeâs okay?â you whisper.
âHe is. Heâs a little warrior.â
âWhenâŠwhen can we see him?â Luke asks.
âLet me check on your stitches first, and if they look all right I can take you down now, if youâd like.â
âPlease, please,â you nod scrambling to move your blankets off you.
**
Luke is wheeling you down the brightly lit hallway in the NICU ward, you see other parents hovering around the incubator their baby is in. You and Luke had to be fitted into the light pink gowns with masks and gloves before you could see your son. You were more than okay wearing the odd things if it meant being able to finally see him.
Luke rolls you in between families until Dr. Wilson stops at the last station near the window. A nurse is standing by writing down something on a chart and then youâre right next to his incubator. First, all you can see is a mountain of swaddled blankets with tubes and wires sticking out from every direction. Then you see slight movement and you lean forward and come face to face with your baby.
Tears are rolling down your cheeks as you stare at him. He looks like he could just barely fit in your palms, you see the quick flutter of his heart through his thin chest that has wired tape. You press your hands to the reinforced plastic, the warmth from the light radiates through the gloves.
âHi, my baby boy, Iâm your mama,â you whisper and youâre aching to touch him. You see the two round openings for hands and you move your hands before looking to Dr. Wilson.
âYou can touch him, let him know youâre here,â she encourages.
Very carefully, you insert your arm stretching your finger to his small body. You press against his cheek as lightly as you can, heâs warm and that makes you feel better.
âHi sweetheart,â you continue to talk to him and you hear Luke sniff behind you. âYouâre doing so well. Keep it up so you can get big and strong and we can take you home to your big sisters. Your daddyâs here, too.â
Dr. Wilson moves and Luke takes her place. He puts his arm through the opening and strokes his finger down your sonâs arm. Your baby trembles a little then leans into your touches. You canât help the wet smile from forming, heâs perfect. You rub at his forehead gently.
âWe need to name him,â you say looking across globe of your sonâs new home.
âI havenâtâŠdo you have a name?â
âOne popped in my head just now.â
âWhat is it?â
âOliver,â you smile glancing down at him. âI was searching through names online and this one stuck out at me. It has a lot of meanings like peace, wisdom, health, and luck.â
âI think itâs perfect,â Luke smiles. âI know heâs only 24 hours old, but he seems very wise to me, donât you think?â
âWise and healthy.â
**
Tension has been high between you and Luke. You were at the hospital for a week and a few days more because you had contracted an infection at your incision site. Itâs pretty common for an infection but that meant you couldnât go visit Oliver. Once your infection was cleared you were discharged to go home.
You and Luke moved around each other like orbits just passing by. When you wake in the morning you move about the room like robots, barely looking at each other until youâre ready to go. Cory, Ashton, and the others stayed with Lily and Posy during the day while the both of you went to the hospital to visit Oliver. You missed Lily and Posy terribly and only saw them when they were fast asleep by the time you got home.Â
Youâd even forgotten about Posyâs birthday and it made you feel even worse than you already felt. Your hormones are abnormal and your body still feels like itâs pregnant even though you know youâre not. Itâs a weird feeling, itâs a sad feeling because you canât even hold your baby that is no longer inside your stomach.Â
To your surprise, Ashton and KayKay had orchestrated Posyâs birthday for you and Luke.Â
âWe have to put on a happy face for Po,â Luke says softly on the morning of her birthday.
Your bodies are set to an automatic alarm because of the hospital visits. Youâre staring at the ceiling then roll over to face Luke who is also facing the ceiling with his hands behind his head. You take in his profile, the sharp angle of his nose, his full beard and the smooth skin of his arms over lean muscles. Itâs been so long since youâve touched each other.Â
Does he miss you too?
âIâm trying to,â you whisper and silently beg him to look at you. To kiss you. To hold you. To tell you that everything is going to be all right.
Instead, he sighs then rolls out of bed. You watch the muscles in his back pull and tighten when he puts on a t-shirt and heads into the bathroom. You flick your eyes back to the ceiling, swiping away the tears that fall anyway. Youâre only allowing yourself those two tears because you know you wonât stop once you start.Â
Luke canât see you break. Lily and Posy canât see you break.Â
âAsh said he and KayKay will be here at ten to start decorating. I want to make the girls breakfast, hopefully make up for lost time,â Luke announces out of the bathroom.Â
âGood idea,â you nod then will yourself out of bed. You force yourself to not touch your belly, but like every morning, you always do. Itâs still a little swollen from the pregnancy and the incision, but you know itâs empty.Â
Before you grab your satin robe, you glance at Luke who had his eyes fixed on your hands over your belly. He meets your eyes for a moment, looks like heâs about to say something, but he leaves the room.Â
Youâre tired of feeling broken and empty.
**
The girls were ecstatic waking up to you and Luke. Posy was situated on Lukeâs hip as he made her favorite breakfast and Lily filled you in on whatâs going on at school and with Roman. She talked until Ashton and KayKay arrived and your heart had sunk all the way to your stomach because of how much youâve missed in Lily and Posyâs life the last few weeks.Â
You helped where you could with the decorations and then you remembered Posy wanted a dinosaur cake but before you could panic, Cory and Ella arrived with the cake.Â
You tried to keep on a brave face throughout the party. You helped Posy open her presents, you talked with your friends and family. You couldnât help the way your eyes gravitated towards Ella who is about 35 weeks along now.Â
Itâs another reminder that you arenât pregnant and that your baby is in critical condition. You shake it off because you have to. Your phone sends you updates on Oliver by the hour, and heâs remained stable for the whole day which is improvement.Â
âThank you so much for doing all of this,â you tell Ashton and KayKay as theyâre leaving. Aside from Cory and Ella, theyâre the last to leave.
âNo problem at all,â Ashton smiles pulling you in for a hug. He kisses the top of your head. âWeâre more than happy to help. Weâll plan another one when our boy Oliver is home.â
âWeâre all here for you, love you,â KayKay smiles and wraps you in her arms.Â
âWe love you, too.â
âUnca Ash bye-bye?â Posy asks next to you. She looks up at Ashton with big puppy eyes, her arms up.Â
âYeah, little one. We need to go to bed, just like you!â he lifts her in his arms and blows raspberry kisses on her cheek. âDid you have fun at your party?â
âYeah!â she claps her hands.Â
âGood! Now, you go to bed like mama says and weâll see you tomorrow, okay?â
âOtay.â
âLove you.â
âLuh you,â she sings and hugs his neck while KayKay takes her hand and kisses her fingers.Â
âLetâs go to bed, Pose,â you take her from Ashton then wave one last time as they head out the door.Â
âIâll be outside, babe. My feet are killing me,â Ella tells Cory then she moves to you with Lilyâs hand in hers. âWeâll be here bright and early so you can go see how Oliverâs doing.â
âThank you. Iâm sorry weâre--â
âYou have nothing to apologize for. Itâs what families do. Try and get some sleep tonight,â Ella touches your arm, her face turns into a frown. âYou look exhausted.â
âIâll try.â
You know you wonât.Â
She kisses Posy and gives Lily one more hug then waddles outside to the car. Cory and Luke are cleaning up last call cups and you take your girls to their rooms to do their bedtime routine. You try and keep Posy in your arms as long as you can, hugging her and loving on her.Â
She doesnât even make it halfway through her favorite book, Where the Wild Things Are, and then you take Lily into her room.Â
âWhen can I see my brother?â she asks as you tuck her in.Â
âI donât know yet, sweetheart,â you reply sadly, âhe needs to get better first. Dada and I talk about you and Posy all the time to him.â
âYou do?â her eyes widen in amazement. âCan I bring him a present?â
âI think heâd like that very much.â
âMama?âÂ
âHm?â you tuck her snuffy and bunny next to her under the covers.Â
âI missed you,â she says quietly.
Your heart jolts. You stop fixing up her toys and look down at Lily, your first baby, and sheâs playing with the ear of her bunny. The pink bunny sheâs had since she first met Luke.
âI miss you, too. Iâm so sorry we havenât been here with you and Posy. Dada and I are going to fix that, okay?â you ask and she nods. You lean down to give her a kiss and a hug, her arms tighten around your neck.
You donât let go until she does. You shut off her light and close the door, with just a small crack left open. Youâre going to talk to Luke, youâve decided as you head back downstairs. You tried having just one of you go to the hospital while the other stayed home with the girls but neither one of you wanted to be away if Oliverâs health took a turn.Â
Just as youâre about to enter the kitchen, you hear your name between Luke and Cory.Â
âY/Nâs in bad shape,â Cory says.
âYeah, I know.â
âThis has happened before, where she shuts down and tries to fix it herself but she canât.â
âI know that, too, considering sheâs my wife.â Lukeâs voice is clipped, each word sharp as a knife. Youâre shocked at it; he and Cory have always been on good terms with each other.Â
âHave you tried talking to her about it? Because the way you two were acting tonight was like you didnât even want to be near each other. She doesnât need that, not right now when--â
âLook, I know you and Y/N have a close bond. Itâs something Iâve tried to understand but I canât and thereâs nothing I can do to change that. It doesnât bother me as much as it did in the beginning, but I donât need your advice on how to help my wife.â
What did he mean âin the beginningâ?
âYeah? You had no problem taking my help when you broke up with her those three months,â Coryâs voice now has more of an edge to it.Â
âIâm surprised you helped in the first place. You think I didnât notice how you looked at her? Weâre handling this on our own.â
âYouâre not handling anything! Neither of you are! Yeah, I care about Y/N, that wonât ever change and sheâs hurting. Bad. If you wonât do something about it, then I will.â
âThe hell you will. I appreciate all youâve done for my family, but youâre crossing a line.â
âStop.âÂ
You whisper the word as you stand in front of them but it catches their attention. Lukeâs hands are balled into fists at his sides and Coryâs body is in a similar defense stance. They look to you.
âI am trying, okay? Iâm trying to stay strong and hopeful for Oliver. Iâm trying to keep on a brave face for Lily and Posy. Iâm trying to decipher which feelings I should be feeling or which ones are still phantom pregnancy ones and I donât even know if those are real. My body has already fallen apart, I donât need my family to as well.â
âY/N.â
âI feel horrible that I forgot Posyâs birthday. How could I forget that? My mind is constantly running and Iâm so exhausted but I canât sleep because Iâm worrying. Please donât fight, I canât handle it.â
âY/N... what can I do?â Cory asks almost pleadingly.Â
Luke scoffs and rolls his eyes.
âI think you should go home. I know you mean well, Cory, but you donât want to keep Ella waiting in the car.â
âI can--â
âJust go, Cory,â you say in a softer tone. You glance to Luke who is pointedly staring at a spot on the wall then look back to Cory. âLuke and I need to talk.â
Cory keeps staring at you as if checking that you really want him to leave. You nod. He sighs.Â
âIâm sorry, youâre right,â he steps away from Luke then grabs your hand. âCall if you need anything.â He gives you a squeeze as you nod at his offer.Â
The door closes with a soft snap and itâs just you and Luke now, all of your demons joined together.Â
âWhat did you mean when you said, âit didnât bother you like in the beginningâ?âÂ
âI canât talk about this now,â he shakes his head and shuffles towards the basement door where his music room is.
Good. Itâs soundproof and if there will be yelling, it wonât wake the girls. You follow him downstairs.
âWe are going to talk about this now. I feel like Iâm walking on eggshells with you and I donât know what to do! We donât talk about Oliver, so letâs talk about you and Cory!â you follow him until he turns around quickly. His eyes ablaze.
âNo, letâs talk about you and Cory. Youâre only talking to him about Oliver. You called him right after everything happened.â
âBecause he had Lily! You called everyone else!â
âNone of them are in love with you!â
âWHAT?! That doesnât even make sense!â
âWhen we started dating, I had a feeling Cory still loved you. I saw it in the way he looked at you and heâs been looking at you that same way now. You donât talk to me about Oliver, you talk to him. How do you think that makes me feel? Oliver is our son.â
âI try to talk to you! But you always pull away! He doesnât love me like you think he does, and the fact youâre bringing this up now, years later, is ridiculous.â
âRight,â he snorts, âitâs ridiculous that the ex of my wife who is the father of her child still loves you.â
âYes!â you screech and fist your hands in the air in frustration. âDo you even hear yourself? Heâs engaged to Ella. Heâs having a baby with Ella!â
âThen why do you talk to him about Oliver and not me? Huh?â he advances towards you, towering over you.Â
âBecause I blame myself every day that this happened and you do, too. You canât even look at me and IâŠâ you choke on your words; Lukeâs hardened expression softens as your words sink in. âI feel like Iâm losing you.â
Then youâre gasping for air as the tears youâve been bottling up come crashing down. Your weird emotions, your worry, your fear, everything youâve been feeling finally falls out in the open. It crashes between you and Luke like a tidal wave. Your body feels weak and you almost collapse onto the small couch but Luke grabs hold of your waist, his other hand cupping your face.
âHey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me, look at me,â he rushes out. âI donât blame you; I could never blame you. This isnât your fault; do you hear me?â his eyes have a half-crazed look in them and somehow that grounds you.
âW-why wo-wonât you l-l-look at m-me?â you sob coughing out the words.Â
âOh, baby,â he sighs then awkwardly shifts around until you fall on top of him on the couch. He holds you tight against him. Youâre immediate to wrap yourself around him like a pretzel âItâs because I donât know what to say. I wish I could make this all better, make Oliver healthy, take all your pain away. I canât even imagine what youâre going through right now and it kills me to see you like this.â
âIâm a horrible mom,â you cry harshly into his chest.Â
Luke pushes you off of him and heâs blurred through your tears.Â
âDonât you ever say that again. You give everything and a million times more in love to our children. I see how hard youâre trying to keep it together, and it kills me.â
âIâm s--â
Luke mashes his lips to yours and you close your eyes. Itâs wet and salty, it tastes of heartache and regret and yet his kiss feels like home.Â
âYou have nothing to apologize for,â he mumbles. âStop--â he kisses you again â--just stop--â he kisses you once more with his fingers tangling in your hair.Â
You wanted to be closer to him, feel every part of him touch every part of you but you arenât past the six weeks mark yet.Â
âI love you,â you whisper.
âI love you, too. Letâs take a warm shower and talk things out.â
After a warm shower of kisses and roaming hands, you snuggled against Luke in your bed and tried to come up with a plan where you could be home and at the hospital equally. And you both decided that as soon as Dr. Wilson gives the okay, youâre going to bring the girls to meet him.
When youâve talked and finalized plans, you gaze at Luke as his eyes start to close. You stroke the slope of his nose, itching to ask him about the fight he had with Cory earlier. You open your mouth to ask and then close it just as quickly. Lukeâs eyes open up and he pulls you against him, his fingers tickle the skin of your back.Â
âI know you want to ask, so ask.â
âWhy do you think Cory is still in love with me?â
He sighs heavily.
âI donât. I guess I went back to old thoughts and insecurities.â
âSo, you thought he still was at one point?â
âI knew he was because he told me. When we werenât together those three months, he came by and told me how you and Lily were doing. The way he looked at you...itâs how I look at you. And when he tried to help us tonightâŠâ he closes his eyes and shakes his head in embarrassment. âI was stupid. I shouldnât have said what I did.â
âIâm sorry youâve been feeling this way for so long,â you caress his bearded cheek.
âI honestly donât think about it anymore, it just sprung up in my mind tonight,â he sighs. âI appreciate everything Coryâs been doing. Iâll call him tomorrow and apologize.â
âYou know how much I love you?â your fingers brush his damp curls from his forehead that you press your lips too. You breathe in his shampoo, his skin soft and his own fingers slip under your shirt to keep caressing your back.
âAbout as much as I love you.â
He kisses your chin as you kiss his cheek and eventually your lips find each other.
**
Itâs been a month and Oliver is still in the hospital. Heâs progressing well and getting stronger every day. Posy and Lily were able to come visit him with Michael and Calum in tow. Posy ran to Luke who he picked up and peppered kisses to her cheeks and Lily ran to you with a little gift bag in her hands.
âWhatâs this?â you ask her as Luke points Oliver out to Posy, Calum, and Michael.
âUnca Mikey said this will help Oliver feel better,â Lily pulls out a small green octopus.
âI read online that it helps them feel comforted if they canât be held yet,â Michael explains and you give him a smile.
âCan we give it to him mama?â Lily asks setting the bag on the floor.
âI think thatâs a great idea,â you kiss her cheek then stand. âLetâs head inside.â
When youâre all gathered around Oliver, Calum lifts Lily in his arms so she can see him from up above and you slip the little octopus inside the round hole. You press it under his arm delicately, his tiny, tiny fingers latch on to one of the tentacles.
âBaby!â Posy points.
âHe likes it!â Lily exclaims and Calum grins at her.
âOf course, he does, itâs from you and Po,â Calum says.
âAnd me,â Michael grumbles stepping a little closer to the incubator. His eyes soften when he looks over his nephew and you can almost sense his sadness.
âThank you for getting it for him,â you link your arm through his and rest your head against his shoulder. âIt was very thoughtful.â
âHow long do you think it will be until you can bring him home?â Michael asks watching his tiny chest flutter with each breath.
âUntil heâs at a healthy weight and can be taken off the ventilator,â Luke answers.
âIs he going to sleep with me?â Lily asks.
You and Luke share a look. You hadnât thought about that. Before all of this happened, you still had a lot of time before you got his nursery ready. There is the playroom you could transform into a nurseryâŠ
âNo, heâll have his own room, sweets. When heâs home he might cry a lot and wake you up at night.â
âThatâs okay. I can help.â
âYouâre the best big sister ever, you know that?â Calum looks to her and she smiles sheepishly.
âWould Crystal help us change the playroom into a nursery?â you ask Michael.
âDefinitely.â
âI think we should tell them his middle name,â Luke smiles at you.
âWhat is it?â Calum asks.
âWell, we decided on Michael,â you grin at Michael whose eyes widen. âYou jump started us trying for another baby and when we decided on it Oliver sneezed. So, he likes it and it fits him perfectly.â
âOliver MichaelâŠâ Calum tests it out then nods. âYeah, sounds good to me. If you guys have another one, Calumâs a pretty kick ass name.â
âThat means a lot guys, thank you,â Michael shifts his arm so he can pull you in for a hug. He kisses the top of your head.
**
A few weeks later, Ella had her beautiful baby girl, Violetta. You wanted to give them some time alone before bringing the girls over to their house to meet her. Lily sat on the couch with Violetta resting on a pillow on her lap and Posy sat next to her, staring at Violetta with curious eyes. It was odd to see the size difference between her and Oliver.
âSheâs beautiful,â you tell Ella. She just took a photo of the three girls together.
âThank you. I canât believe sheâs finally here,â she sighs tiredly then glances to Luke and Cory who are talking outside. âCory told me what happened after Posyâs birthday.â
âOh,â you clear your throat awkwardly, âhe did, did he?â
âI know you two have a special bond, you have a history and LilyâŠIâm sorry that things escalated like that. Howâs Luke?â
âHeâs okay now, we talked about it. Ella, I hope you know that I donât love Cory how I love Luke.â
âOh, I know! Weâre all a big, blended family, sometimes things get messy but Iâve never had a big family before. I adore you and Luke. Iâm not upset at all, I understand.â
âGood. We adore you, too,â you smile then gaze at Violetta. You see more of Ella in her than Cory but she also resembles Lily a little.
âWould you like to hold her?â Ella asks gently.
âIâd love to,â you smile then push her back in her seat. âRest, I bet youâre still sore. Lily, Iâm going to hold your new sister now, okay? Why donât you and Posy go play for a little bit.â
You lift Violetta off of Lilyâs lap and the two girls run into Lilyâs room. Violetta rests comfortably in the crook of your arm, she sleeps peacefully as you sway from side to side.
âHi, pretty girl,â you coo. âYou are such a pretty little one, arenât you? Yeah, you get that from your mommy.â
âHowâs Oliver doing?â
âBetter, theyâre talking about taking him off the ventilator soon and see how he does. Heâs gaining more weight, not as fast as they want but itâs something,â you smile.
âGood, Iâm glad to hear that. And you and Luke?â
âWeâreâŠcoping. Weâre still trying to find the balance between the hospital and home, but now that Lilyâs out of school itâs much easier to come and go.â
âIf you and Luke ever want to take a long weekend, the girls can stay here.â
âOh, no, not with Violetta just being born! I donât want you to feel overwhelmedââ
âI insist. It will give me practice if we have more kids,â Ella smiles.
âWeâll be outnumbered then,â you laugh. âThe kid to adult ratio is even now.â
âYouâre right,â Ella laughs. âTheyâre going to rule our world.â
âI donât mind, theyâre pretty awesome,â you shrug and gaze down at Violetta. You hope youâll be able to hold Oliver like this soon.
**
Lukeâs birthday is approaching and heâs told you repeatedly he doesnât want a big party or anything this year. The only thing he wants is to hopefully bring Oliver home by the end of the month. You were finally able to hold him and have some skin-to-skin contact.
You sat in the rocking chair next to his incubator and the nurse placed him on your chest. His skin is warm and beneath the starchy hospital smell, he had that natural smell all babies have. You couldnât help but cry after finally holding him after almost three months of just looking at him. His fingers flexed on your chest before you slipped your pinky between them. He held on tightly.
âHi baby boy,â you whisper kissing the top of his little hat. âRemember me?â
âHow does he feel?â Luke asks, his voice thick with emotion.
âHeâs that piece Iâve been missing.â
You could sit there for hours just holding him but you know how badly Luke wanted to hold his son so you changed places. He unbuttoned his shirt and the nurse helped you place Oliver on his chest.
âHeâs so small,â Luke smiles fondly. âHi buddy, Iâm your daddy. Youâre doing so good getting all big and strong. Your mama and I canât wait to take you home. Weâre going to have a big party, but I promise Iâll make everyone keep it quiet.â
âItâs nice to see you holding him,â you sniff and he starts to rock.
âIt was nice to see you hold him, too,â he smiles. âWeâll take him home soon. Weâre almost there.â
**
On Lukeâs birthday, you and the girls surprised him with breakfast in bed and a brand-new record collection heâs been talking about. Michael and Crystal offered to watch the girls while you visited Oliver. You promised youâd be back by dinner time and you secretly arranged Lukeâs favorite food to be delivered.
The two of you sat with Oliver and talked about how far heâs come along. Heâs at four pounds already and is now in an open crib rather than an incubator. His organs have developed how they should and heâs had no complications. Dr. Chambers wants him to stay until heâs five pounds just to be sure heâs still gaining weight like he should.
The nurse told you you could try and start breast feeding him soon.
With multiple kisses to Oliver, you left him for the night to continue Lukeâs birthday at home. Michael told you the girls wanted to bake a cake and he sent you photos and videos of the whole experience. You couldnât wait to surprise Luke with the meal.
When you got home you noticed Michaelâs car was gone and the house was quiet. There was a big balloon on the kitchen table next to the delivery bag of Lukeâs favorite restaurant and the cake the girls made along with a note.
ââOur birthday gift to you is two things: a night alone and a new room. Enjoy your birthday! Love Michael and Crystal,ââ Luke reads off from a note. He turns to you with a lopsided smile.
âA new room? What does that mean?â you examine the note.
âIt better not be some kinky sex room,â Luke mutters and you nudge him in the shoulder. âLetâs go explore.â
He takes you by the hand and you make your way upstairs to the bedrooms. The light of the playroom is on so you turn in there and gasp. Itâs been transformed into Oliverâs room. Thereâs a beautiful white crib filled with small stuffed animals and a dinosaur blanket. His name is above his crib in block letters and thereâs a bookshelf with some trinkets and books.
You page through them and see each one was given to you by your friends with a little message written inside for Oliver. You canât wait to have Oliver in here, safe and warm.
âI have a feeling Michael is going to spoil Oliver.â
âProbably,â you giggle and turn to face him. Heâs looking at the other shelf that holds some clothes and blankets.
His shoulders are broad in his simple black shirt, his curls have gotten curlier because heâs let his hair grow out along with his beard. Your stomach flips as a dirty thought of feeling his beard on the inside of your thighs enters your mind. Howâd you get so lucky to have this strong, handsome, talented, kind man to be your husband?
âTheyâre spoiling us too, you know,â you step closer to him tickling your fingers up and down his arm. He looks down at you. âWe have the whole house to ourselves birthday man. What do you want to do first?â
âIâd love to do you.â
Youâre both careful as you get reacquainted with each otherâs bodies. He removes your clothes carefully and you fall onto your bed, arms stretched out for him. You watch him with hungry eyes as he removes his own clothes then climbs over you. Before he can kiss you, you press your palms against his chest and stomach, feeling his heartbeat and warmth of his body.
âIâll never get over you like this,â you sigh leaning up to kiss his collarbone.
âIâll never get over you like this,â he repeats and pushes you back. He falls with you, pulling deep kisses from you before leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down your body. He makes sure to kiss at the scar from your C-section. âSo beautiful. Every inch of you.â
âHave I told you how much I love your beard?â you ask scratching your nails through the soft hair. âItâs very sexy.â
âYeah? I donât look like a lumberjack?â
âYouâd make a sexy lumberjack. I wouldnât complain.â
Soft loving words are exchanged along with wandering hands as he works you up. When you finally connect, you sigh and squeeze your nails into his shoulders. His thrusts are shallow and controlled making sure not to hurt you but also wanting to make this reconnection last.
âFeels so good to be in you again,â he mumbles in your neck. You glide your hands down his back and to the globes of his ass, you give a squeeze and try to make him move faster. âMissed you.â
âMissed you, too,â you sigh turning your head and your tongues connect.
Itâs gentle and intimate and your orgasm is slow building but when it washes over you, youâre left in a warmth that youâve been craving. Itâs a warmth only Luke can provide, itâs his love and your love coming together.
Afterwards, you heat up the food and eat it in bed along with the cake. Being cheeky, you swipe the frosting on your finger and drag it onto his stomach.
âWhoâs gonna clean that up?â
âMmm, me,â you straddle his thighs, the shirt of his you wear to bed rides up and you press your hands onto his waist. You lean down and lick the frosting up with your tongue, he sighs heavily beneath you as you lick some more.
When heâs finally clean, your fingers slip beneath the waistband of his boxers continuing your kisses to his half hard cock. You swipe your tongue over his shaft, circling it around his tip and he springs to life.
âLovieâŠâ he groans.
âShh,â you hush glancing up at him. His chest is heaving as you take him in your mouth. He groans again, his fingers tangling in your hair but letting you move as you see fit.
You love pleasuring him this way and itâs been so long since you have. You bob up and down, your spit dribbling down his shaft. He moans with each pull of your mouth, his hips rising to meet your motions. You feel his thighs clench so you know heâs close.
âY/NâŠbabyâŠlovie,â he pulls you off him then drags you up to him. âWanna make you come again.â
He pushes himself inside you and you let out a loud moan as you sink down onto him. You start to move but Luke grips the sides of your ass and fucks up into you. Your mouth falls open at the pace, his balls slap your ass and your toes start to curl.
Youâre chanting âyesâ and his name, the words tumbling over one another and youâre coming again. With a small scream you feel Luke pull out as his release is expelled between you. Youâre pulsating and his fingers twiddle with your clit so youâre still coming together.
When youâre both finished, your breathing is hard and you giggle when you open your eyes. His cheeks are a little pink and he has this glazed over expression on his face.
âI think we should go clean up, hm?â his fingers tickle your thigh and you tremble at his touch. You nod.
You used a washcloth to clean up leftover frosting and his orgasm. Luke kisses your neck and your shoulders before he moves to the large tub and turns the taps. When the tub is full of bubbles and the jets are on, he holds you in his arms. The records you bought playing softly in the background.
âThis reminds me of when we first started dating,â you say playing with his fingers. âWe couldnât keep our hands off each other.â
âIf I had my way Iâd want to do this all the time with you,â he chuckles in your ear before nibbling on the lobe. âBut we have other responsibilities.â
âWeâll be able to bring Oliver home soon, right?â
âOf course, we will. This is just temporary until heâs five pounds. Youâre going to be able to breastfeed and heâll gain that one pound so fast.â He kisses your temple next and you sit in silence for a while.
âDid you imagine any of this happening when you met me at the coffee shop?â
âNo, but I wouldnât want my life any other way. Youâve filled my life with so much adventure and love. I never pictured myself with three kids, but I couldnât imagine my life without them, or you. Did you imagine our life like this?â
âNo,â you smile against his arm and kiss it. âBut itâs the best. Iâm thankful Oliver has come along this far, and Posy is our rambunctious girl and Lily is starting to become her own person now. Itâs all happening so fast but with you beside meâŠI donât have enough words to describe it. Youâre the love of my life.â
âAnd youâre the love of mine,â he collects you in his arms. âWeâll bring our boy home soon.â
**
On August first, you were told you could bring Oliver home. You couldnât even believe it but when Oliverâs NICU team and Dr. Chambers and Dr. Wilson showed up with balloons and a farewell card you started to cry. You hugged and thanked them all from the bottom of your heart and promised to keep in touch.
Oliver would need frequent doctor visits until he was about three to check his prognosis but you were so happy to bring him home finally. Luke called everyone while you got Oliver settled in his carrier, you made sure to put his octopus next to him. You sat in back with him while Luke drove, you couldnât stop looking at Oliver. Heâs grown so much and heâs healthy and strong.
You notice all of the cars parked along the street and youâre welcomed with your family as you and Luke enter your home. Thereâs a banner above welcoming Oliver home finally. You appreciated them all keeping their distance and not overcrowding Oliver, but you were happy they were all there to welcome your sone home.
Lily and Posy couldnât stop looking at him in his carrier while he slept and Posy kept bringing some toys to show him. Everyone stayed for another hour and then you had to feed Oliver. He squirmed and cried because you woke him but you were on a tight feeding schedule so he would stay on track. Lily and Posy watched curiously as you breastfed. Luke watched fondly and then he told the girls their lunch was ready.
All four of you stayed around Oliver until it was time for him to go to bedâthen youâd be feeding him in a few hours. Posy and Lily snuggled with you and Luke on the couch as you all watched a movie, their giggles at the animations jokes filled your heart with joy. Luke reached over and took your hand so he could kiss it, mumbling an âI love you.â
You were finally a family of five, home and safe.
***
Taglist: @calpalirwin @myloverboyash @loveroflrh @cxddlyash @princesslrh @spicyca @notinthesameguey @itjustkindahappenedreally @calumance @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurtâ @sarcastically-defensive17â @another-lonely-heartâ @devilatmydoorâ @thatscooibabyâ @suchalonelysunflowerâ @dead-and-goldenâ @mymindwideâ @blackbutterfliescalâ @redrattlersâ @karajaynetodayâ @quasighostâ @i-like-5sosâ @creampiecashtonâ @calpopsâ @littledrummeraussieâ @sexgodashtonâ @f-muâ @mystic-232
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Letting go
Pair: Luke Patterson x Ghost! reader, Platonic! Willie x reader, Platonic! Alex x reader
Warnings: Death and mentions of suicide, drug abuse, kinda angstyÂ
Word Count: 2k
For ages 18+
A/N: This is overall pretty depressing and it's not exactly a happy ending, I wrote this based off the song Out of love by Alessia Cara. Its not my best work but either way I hope you enjoy.Â
Disclaimer: Gifs are not mine
Masterlist
You knew this day would come. You don't know how many times you've called yourself stupid and cursed yourself. He liked her possibly even loved her by now. You were a fool for thinking that just because you found each other in this new version of life, that he could love you the same as he did before. Just because you were together before you died doesn't mean that you could have a life together after death. No matter how much you were still deeply enamored with him. Him and his stupid bright smile, his laugh that was contagious, his chocolate hair that you loved to run your hands through in the middle of cuddling. The calming feeling it gave you both, would it still have that same affect if you tried it now? Let's not mention his eyes. Oh, his eyes. The big green eyes that made him look like a puppy, so pure and innocent, it also held pain that you both would share at times. You both coming from families who had expectations. Expectations that neither of you could hold up. His eyes gave you hope, and butterflies and love.
They still did, he still did. He still had his optimism; although you could tell it was forced. it was the same thing he always tried to do. He was always the one to brighten peoples day and be the strong optimistic one when the others (and even himself) weren't. Either way he was still that same character he always was. And you were still deeply, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. You think you always would be.
Despite the new changes of your relationship. Or change. That change being Julie Molina. You saw the way that Luke had looked at her, praised her and her voice. You couldn't hate her for it. It would've been easier to hate her if she was a bitch, you couldn't lie, however she wasn't. She was loyal, caring and determined. She was strong and beautiful and exactly the type of person Luke needed. You were friends with Julie and you cared for her. So, no, you couldn't hate her. It wasn't her fault you changed and was no longer what he wanted. She was not responsible for your insecurities or feelings that you still held for Luke or the feelings that he held for her.
You decided you would let him go. You would let him go because your time with him was over. You were no longer what he needed nor what he wanted and that was okay because you would let him go.
You died a couple of months after the guys did. It was a drug overdose. After the Luke, Alex and Reggie's passing, you got into some pretty bad habits. Such as partying, alcoholism and your cause of death; drugs. It was not great.
The week of your death was rough. You were cleaning your closet after weeks of not doing so, you were gonna make a change, you would do better. That was until you found multiple shirts of Lukes laying about your closet, they were hidden underneath all of your other clothes that were piled up in there. In one particular jacket you found a note in the pocket. 'Can't wait for you to hear the surprise I have for you after the show beautiful ;)' After reading the barely legible note , you broke. You had suspicions he was writing a song about you, he was hinting at it before... and now this confirmed it. You would've gone looking for his notebook if it wasn't for Bobby who when you told him, brushed you off and took you out to distract you. That was when you were introduced to some guy who Bobby told you; had 'the good stuff'. You shrugged it off and took whatever he gave you. Turns out you took too much in so little time and you were dead.
After accepting the fact that you were dead, you wandered around 'life' hoping you'd find your lover and best friends. That day didn't come and you found yourself befriending another ghost named Willie. He was kind enough to show you the perks of being, well, dead. He even tried to introduce you to Caleb and that whole world but you decided you were out before you were even in. You had felt enough bad vibes from Caleb to know not to get involved with him. If only you had those survival instincts when you were alive.
Then it was 25 years of being a ghost and Willie had came to hang out with you in your favorite spot that you now called your home, a beach house that some rich family used as their Summer home.
"Hey Y/N, made a new friend today." He said skating into the house. You walked out of one of the rooms while reading a book, not really paying attention to what he was saying. "Oh really? that's cool."
"Yeah his names Alex, said he was in a band." You froze and looked up at him as he skated and transported on top of the kitchen counter. 'No,' you thought. 'It couldn't be your Alex, could it?' There was no way, not after all these years, it doesn't make sense. There were also a million different guys named Alex in the world. 'But he said he was in a band.' Your mind raced through the different scenarios. If you were thinking logically it could be a coincidence and it'd be stupid to think there wouldn't be any other guys out there who was dead, in a band, and named Alex. When you put it like that...
"How'd he look like?" Willie looked confused when you asked but answered. "Blonde hair, blue eyes, kinda cute but I call dibs."
Your heart was pounding, if Alex was here that could mean that Luke might be with him. You managed to roll your eyes at his reclamation. "Yeah you can have him, but um, you think I can go with you next time you meet with him?"
He looked at you shocked, "Uh sure?" He came up to you holding a hand to your forehead as if checking your temperature. "Are you okay? Is the loneliness getting to you?" You pushed his hand away.
"I'm fine dummy."
He laughed. "I'm just saying you never wanna meet any of my friends."
"Yeah, cause you have so many." You said sarcastically and plopped down on the couch. Willie, as extra as he is, jumped over it to sit next to you.
"Not true I have-"
"Ghost club doesn't count, they're creepy and enslaved to Caleb." You opened your book and pretended to read while you thought of what you would do if it really was your Alex.
"Whatever, what made you all of a sudden decide to be social?"
You closed the book and crossed your legs. You decided to be honest with him. You already told him of how you died, how you had a boyfriend who also died along with your best friends. He tried to help you find them until you gave up. You didn't however go into detail about how they died or what they did. That just brought on too many memories. But now you decided it was time. So you told him everything.
~~~
You were anxious as you waited for Willie and Alex at a place where Willie likes to skate at. If it was your best friend Alex you wanted to talk to him in a private place not surrounded by people. Even though you were all ghosts and nobody could see you, it felt more special and less awkward with people potentially walking through you. But if it wasn't your Alex then you could just leave and let Willie enjoy his 'date' with the guy.
When they showed up you almost screamed. You were in shock, there he was, one of your best friends. Probably the one with the most brain cells. "Alex?" Although you already knew you called his name to catch his attention.
"Y/N?" He ran up to you and hugged you.
"Alex," You patted his back "can't- breath."
He let you go putting his hands on your shoulders and pushed you to arm length as he observed you, taking in your appearance. "Wait..." You saw his face fall from the wide smile to a solemn expression. "Oh Y/N/N."
"Yeah..." You rubbed your arms.
"How?" He asked. "You look just the same as you did back then."
You chuckled. "Well so do you."
"But wouldn't that mean that you-'
"Died around the same time you guys did? Yup."
"Again, how?" He pushed. "You didn't, y'know ki-"
"God, Alex no I didn't kill myself." You smacked his arms away and paced around. "It's a long story, one that I'd don't wanna tell three different times. Are Reggie and Luke with you?" You asked hopefully. And he shook his head. You sighed in relief. "Where are they?"
"C'mon I'll take you to them."
And he did.
When you showed up to Julies garage and saw Luke for the first time he stood still, staring in disbelief. Reggie was the first one to come up to you throwing his arms around you and jumping excitedly. Once you managed to get Reggie off you, you went up to Luke "Hey baby." Tears were forming in your eyes. He pulled you into your third hug today, then pulling back, kissing you quickly and pulling you in again.
~~~
The bliss of being reunited only lasted so long before the band got caught up in performing in their new band Julie and the phantoms. You were glad that they were happy and that they had something that motivated them. And that all this time they were together. They even made friends, with a lifer, something you couldn't wrap your head around but you were happy for them. For a time you were happy with them. You were back with you best friends and you made new ones. You and Luke had a bit of a complicated relationship, you acted like you had always acted, of course things were different but you still talked like a couple. You acted like couple. Kisses were another story, it wasn't casual anymore it was when it was needed. It wasn't like before where if you would go somewhere or show up, you would give Luke a quick kiss goodbye or hello. Now it was more in the moment when you guys cuddled and you would look at each other and remember the memories of the past; of when you were alive and planning a life together. Your relationship wasn't what it was before but you would take it. After years of being alone -- with the exception of willie-- you would take those moments that you didn't feel were given 100% fueled with romantic and passionate love but with something different.
That was until the whole situation with Caleb happened and Luke and Julie hugged. They touched, how that happened you didn't know. What you did know is they were connected and they had chemistry. It was a hug, you internally rolled your eyes at your childishness. Technically you would've been an adult by now. Why were you worrying about your boyfriend hugging his friend after a situation where you all thought you'd be separated forever.
Maybe it was because you knew it meant more. The way they were holding each other wasn't how he held you the first time you saw each other again. You tried to brush it off, blaming it on you being insecure, it meant nothing.
Weeks had passed and nothing had changed besides the obvious tension and chemistry that Julie and Luke had. That was when you made the choice to let him go. You had nothing to offer him. If you were to get into technicalities Luke couldn't offer Julie anything, he was dead and she was still living. However they would have some time together and they had the band!
You did what you thought was best and you left a note on Julies piano along with with the note you found in Luke's pocket before you died. You always carried it around but there was no point in holding on to something that wasn't gonna be yours anymore. You would be in your beach house, where if they wanted to find you they could. For now you would let him go.
#luke julie and the phantoms#luke patterson#luke jatp#charlie gillespie#julie and the phantoms#luke patterson x reader#luke patterson x you#luke patterson x y/n#alex mercer#alex mercer x reader#alex mercer x willie#alex x willie#willie x reader#luke x reggie#reggie peters#reggie Peters x reader#charlie gillespie x reader
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More Than A Conversation
Bucky Barnes X Fem!Reader
18+ Only
Warnings: smut, dirty talk, slight daddy kink, pet names (kitten), phone sex, male masturbation, female masturbation
 Light shines through the curtains, offering much needed brightness into the dim atmosphere. Dust could be seen floating through the air in erratic ribbons and swirls, showing that the room had not seen much movement recently. Loneliness and yearning described the feeling inside the bedroom as well as the person who sat, perched on the window sill.
Y/N knew what she signed up for when she began dating Bucky Barnes, but it doesn't make her feel any better while he's away. He is off working, fighting crime and protecting the world with his team of acquaintances and few friends. . Despite the distance, Bucky makes sure to call, text and he'll ensure that he has time to Skype or Face-time, even if only for a short time. All of these things were thoughtful and sweet, but this time was different. The messages were not the usual sweet sayings, but instead they were filthy and needy. The type of filth that causes heat to rush through your body, leaving you a little breathless and wanting more that just words.
The longing and craving only increased with each passing day. No matter how much Y/N tried to ease the heat between her legs, the effects of Buckyâs texts were too intense. She couldn't sit around much longer without a fulfilling release and she couldn't get that without him, meaning Y/N had to up the ante.
She pulled herself up from the large bed and turned to the bathroom where she takes a quick shower. After stepping out, Y/N pads over to the dresser and fishes through the drawer full of satin, silk and lace. With a sexy black babydoll on and paired with a matching thong along with a touch of makeup on her features, Y/N reaches for her phone. Fingers shuffling across the screen, debating on which way to contact her boyfriend. A huff falls from her lips as she decides on sending a suggestive text and going from there.
'Y/N: Hey baby! I hope you're having a good day! I think I can make it better though!?ïż°'
Along with that text was a picture that Y/N snapped showing her lip tugged between her teeth and the outfit she wore. Minutes later, her phone flashed with Buckyâs contact photo. Taking a deep breath, she answered the call with a smirk playing on her lips. Before she could mutter a single word, Bucky hissed out a response. "That was very naughty, kitten. Any one of the team could have seen that, you know. Only I get to see you stripped down like that, kitten." His voice was gruff and dark, making a shiver rush down Y/N's spine.
"I'm sorry, Buck. I can't stop thinking about you: your lips, your tongue, your hands, and oh god! I can't stop thinking about your cock, daddy! I miss you so much already, but you got me so hot and bothered with those messages!" Y/N all but moans out, rubbing her thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure. On the line, Bucky chuckles and Y/N could imagine that he has that cocky grin on his face and delicious tongue pointed outside his wet lips. "Then let's see what we can do about this problem, yeah?"
Swallowing deeply Y/N settles into the middle of the bed and nods, but quickly mutters a 'yes' into the phone. "Now doll, I want you to take a picture of yourself sprawled out on the bed and send it to daddy. I want to see how look, impatient and waiting for instructions." Bucky says sweetly. Y/N complies quickly, snapping a picture of her on the duvet, nipples hard against the fabric and thighs glistening already. She hears a hum of approval come from the other line. "You look so beautiful like that, baby girl. I wish I could be there to take care of you myself. But for now, why don't you play with your nipples for me, baby. Don't hold back."
Without hesitation, Y/N grabbed both breasts with a sigh. She kneads the tender flesh and drags her fingertips across the hardening buds, rolling them between her fingers and offering a tug and small twist on occasion. 'Buck' and 'Daddy' fell from her lips as soft moans, which travel straight to Buckyâs hard cock. A grunt escapes him as he tugs down his tight tactical pants and briefs, exposing his length to the cold air.
"Touch yourself, babygirl. Play with that pretty pussy of yours for me. Fuck yourself for daddy!" By the time the words were completely out of Buckyâs mouth, Y/N's fingers were at her core, already pushing the thong's wet material aside. "Mmm. I'm so wet! I'm soaked for you, baby!" Bucky growls, his thumb collecting the pre-cum that is already beading from the tip of his length, and using it to stroke himself. "You've got me so hard, kitten. Oof, I can't stop thinking about how my cock fills you up. You always take me so well!"
Y/N's fingers rub rough circles around her swollen clit before they dance down to her entrance and slowly thrust in, feeling the way she stretches around her own fingers. She pulls almost all the way out just to push them back in completely, moaning as her back arches from pleasure. Buckyâs soft grunts and groans can be heard as he strokes himself to the pretty noises falling from Y/N. Her fingers speed up, curling upwards in search of that hidden treasure, and she's just short of a scream when she brushes against it. "Ah! Fuck daddy! I'm close!" Y/N pants outs as she brings her free hand down to rub circles on her clit.
"Shit! You better not cum until I tell you!" Bucky hisses through gritted teeth, his hand stroking himself as his hips snap against his fist. The sound of his girl moaning from her own fingers and the lewd sound of her arousal against her fingers drive him closer to his own climax. He can hear Y/N begging to cum, begging for release, she's trying so hard not to orgasm without his permission. "Fuck! Cum for me, babygirl! Let me hear you!"
That's all Y/N needed to hear and with a few more laps around her clit, the heat in her belly consumed her and the coil snapping all at once. White-hot pleasure coarse through her body, her body shaking through her orgasm. Her words a hot mess of incoherent words and his name. She lays there in the same position for a few moments, trying to even out her breathing.
Bucky finished with a growl, rolling his hips through his orgasm. Hearing Y/N come undone with his permission was all too much. He chants her name as if it were a prayer as he cums in his hand, allowing it to drip down his softening length and to his thick thighs before wiping himself up. "Y/N? Baby, are you alright?" He asks gently, cutting through the silence. He hears a soft hum which brings a smile to his face. "I love you, Y/N! I promise that I'll be home soon! I know being apart is killing you just as much, if not more than me." His tone was genuine and soothing. "I love you too, Buck! And I miss you like crazy! As hot as this was, I would much rather have the real thing." Y/N giggles. Both of their hearts swell with happiness and pure love.
#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#winter soldier#marvel#x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes smut#y/n#bucky x y/n#sebastian stan#bucky barnes imagines#seb stan#daddy bucky#bucky barnes x reader
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hello! it's me again!! um.. can i request a day at an amusement park with taichi please? i feel like he doesn't get enough love.
thank you so much for requesting, clover~ ⥠please enjoy this super fluffy piece, just for you~ ÂŽÍ á” `Í âĄÂ°âÌ i put lots n lots of #LOVE in it! <3 i love you with all my heart!!!
summary: even cupid deserves love, too!
warnings: bad relationship (slight mention), envy/jealousy, loneliness, misunderstandings
authorâs note: happy valentineâs eve eve, my friends! iâm sooo #Happy !! i love valentineâs so much âĄ(*ŽÏ)(Ï`*)⥠if you are Free on February 14, i am here waiting with flowers <3 (âêâê)ââ**đ (please celebrate v-day with me TT) ~ in celebration of my favorite holiday, please smile at this fluffy headcanon of taichi as the lovely, adorable cupid! đčđ i love you all!
word count: 3,567
music: heart attack â loona (chuu)
stupid cupid.
đđč nanao taichi
every year, taichi spent valentineâs day alone
february 14th was another day of being absolutely single. but, for him, there was nothing better than seeing love in the air
especially as the âcupidâ working all february long!
as cupid, taichi looked forward to becoming the epitome of pink & red hearts every year. it was a job no one else except him could do; who else to predict the probability of relationships than the matchmaker himself?
taichi loved love! he always could tell when people had crushes on others growing up like it was second nature. he couldnât even count on both hands how many successful relationships heâs gotten together
love came easy to taichi. it was everything valentineâs was: floating heart balloons, bouquets of red roses, sights only romance movies would show, chocolates that came in heart-shaped boxes, poems from the heart, and so much more~!
the moment taichi set his eyes on someone, it was like he was the one who loaded the arrow and fired it. he knew who liked who, it was what he did best. his intuition was second to none, he was the amusement parkâs cupid
for a month, all taichi had to do was sit at a booth and predict a personâs love life leading up to valentineâs day. it was easy money considering his success rate was 99%!
(we donât talk about the time taichi accidentally caused a break-up... but, thatâs beside the point!) (at least theyâre happy now...)
yet, there was one thing wrong: taichi was loveless
despite being made of love, breathing love, living out of love, taichi had never celebrated valentineâs. it seemed like all the arrows missed him completely
taichi had never experienced any of the things that made love love, but that was okay! sure, it was a little lonely seeing happy couples all month but... it was worth it to see the smile on peopleâs faces! love wasnât just romantic, platonic love was super important!
still... taichi forced himself to smile to apply the heart-shaped blush to his cheeks. there was a part of him, a hole in his heart, that longed to know what valentineâs felt like
FEBRUARY 1 â taichi fluttered the pair of angel wings excitedly, happy to be back in his valentineâs attire. he couldnât help but jump up and down, squealing about how good it was to be âback in businessâ
even without his usual pink & red contacts, taichiâs eyes wouldâve had heart-shaped pupils with how much love he had for this holiday season! as he greeted his coworkers for the first time in a year, taichi stood out amongst the crowd of workers listening to their orders for the day
as usual, taichi would be the cupid at a small, glittery booth that was louder than life itself. sure, it was a very discreet and low-budget set up, but it always was a fan favorite to catch this valentineâs season
taichi couldnât help but run off to his station the moment he was dismissed, his wings flapping behind him and sling of heart arrows jostling. he almost slid past his stool but skidded, luckily landing in the right place with a bright grin on his face
when the afternoon officially began with people beginning to come in to the amusement park, taichi tapped his feet with exhiliration. showtime!
âwelcome~! find out your love fortune this valentineâs season!â taichi happily advertised, putting his heart and soul into gathering the attention of the masses. slowly but surely, people began flocking to his side, unable to resist the teenâs infectious love and happiness to be here
it was like taichi raised the bow & arrow and fired into the squad. it captured the hearts of a hundred as people sat down across from him, seeking his love & relationship advice
there was a multitude of ways taichi could make someoneâs day. whether it was reading love oracle cards or mixing up candy hearts, taichi loved putting on a show for people to enjoy
during a gap between couple sessions, taichi leaned his cheek against his hand and quietly whined to himself. he had recently just met such an adorable and lovey-dovey pair, even he felt sick with how much sweetness there was!
taichi wished he had that... before looking up. suddenly, his heart skipped a beat
it was like the gods & goddesses of love had heard his prayers because today was the first day he saw you
someone passed by the forming line. you hadnât even noticed him, but taichi had certainly noticed you. when the moment passed and you disappeared, taichi had to focus before getting back into his cupid persona, smiling charmingly like nothing had happened
but, something did happen. taichi had just experienced love at first sight!
taichi hadnât even had time to load his arrow before you hit him with his
itâs not like he was going to see you again, though... taichiâs loveless life wasnât a romance film. nor a sappy piece of literature, unfortunately
though, for once, cupid wished he had someone to share this special month with like everyone else
FEBRUARY 3 â taichi was in charge of the valentineâs decorations comimg up. this was perhaps, the best news he had received in his entire life
there was something about folding a million origami hearts that made taichiâs own heart grow a thousand times larger. it was calming during his breaks to fold and fold again, with no thought process behind a skill that came naturally
as taichi cut the colorful paper into the perfect size with ease, he was humming the latest pop song on the radio before he heard something that made his heart break
arguing?! in the loveliest season of the year?!
taichi glanced around and noticed a distinct couple. the pair was fighting rather publicly despite the other person trying to keep their voice down and calm their partner down. before taichi could turn away and mind his own business, they sighed and turned in his direction
taichi felt his breath hitch in his throat as his hands froze, the paper suddenly bent in his tight grip. it was you, the person from two days ago!
so much for it being an one-time thing... taichi could already feel the butterflies in his stomach just at the thought of this being fate. twice in a row? did this mean something?
as taichi tried to search through his brain for what the chick flicks and rom-coms liked to say, you had already left with the person you were arguing with. as they walked ahead of you, you hung your head low with the shame and embarrassment of public humiliation
for some reason, taichi hated seeing you like that despite not knowing anything about you. he was irrationally frustrated as well; how could anyone just make you sad like that and not apologize?
taichi figured he could do one last love reading for the day
when you passed by his booth, you didnât notice how taichi had left a surprise in your jacket pocket
you exhaled softly when you arrived home, leaning on the door and closing your eyes. when you put your hands in your pockets, you paused as you felt something between your fingers
pulling it out, you noticed a small red origami heart. inside, was a message in a messy, hurried scrawl
âleave them, you deserve better. be with someone who makes you smile! â cupid âĄâ
despite everything, you smiled
FEBRUARY 5 â taichi barely had time before there was a person at his booth: you
before taichi could even process that you were real, you spoke: âi broke up with them.â
taichi blinked. this was the first thing heâd learn about you, and it wasnât even your name! this type of news usually wouldnât make taichi feel like this, but he was honestly over the moon. he didnât need to know anything else to know your previous partner had little to no consideration for your feelings
heâd definitely be a better boyfrâwait, what?!
âoh.â taichi said lamely, but his heart jumped when you laughed. it was a nice sound, one that made him think of giant teddy bears and sugary sweet candy. taichi wondered how hard the arrow hit, it mustâve gotten bullseye
âwhatâs your name?â you took the words right out of his mouth, and taichi blushed under the attention. despite being the main focus of the valentineâs event every year, it was different coming from you. it was like... you were really seeing him
âcupid, at your service!â taichi quickly jumped into character, bowing with a flourish. if he was in an anime, heâd be sparkling with rose effects right now, taichi thought proudly
but, you didnât clap or amuse him like his other customers. instead, you observed him with a questioning look. it was like you were picturing him without the valentineâs attire, without the wings, bow & arrow, and glitter across his face
âi meant your real name.â
taichi blanked. you were a surprise; he had never been this speechless in his entire life... it was honestly kinda embarrassing for him, taichi was flustered for once
âbut, why do you want to know?â
âbecause you make me smile.â
when taichi told you, you said it aloud and he finally understood what it meant to have a crush
all it took was one conversation and taichi was head over heels for you
FEBRUARY 7 â taichi had never been a target of love before. no one had ever liked him, nor had he ever developed a serious crush on someone before. he was far too busy fixing everyoneâs disaster of a love life, never mind his own!
yet, it was like the world aligned so you two could meet. taichi swore the stars aligned, fate was working its magic so you both would meet at this giant amusement park during the most romantic month of the year
even though it had only been a week or so since taichi first met you, it felt like you two knew each other for your whole lives. after getting over the fact you made his heart beat way too fast, taichi quickly warmed up to you and vise versa
while you only came to actually thank cupid for helping you get out of a bad relationship, you realized you very much liked the person behind the angel wings. taichi was everything you expected and more, with his personality that reminded you valentineâs maybe wasnât so bad
speaking of, taichi was absolutely in hysterics when he found out your stance on valentineâs
âwhat?! what do you mean you donât....â taichi took in a deep breath, as if it pained him to continue. âyou donât like valentineâs day?!â
you knew it was ironic to befriend literal cupid when you didnât have a taste for romance to begin with, but you tried to hide your entertained expression with a lighthearted eye roll
âiâve never celebrated it. it seems like a capitalistic excuse to buy a bunch of overpriced stuff, to be honest.â
you physically winced when you heard the crack of taichiâs poor, poor heart. his puppy eyes widened at your revelation and leaned forward, uncharacteristically serious for his cupid persona. luckily, he was taking a fifteen-minute break so the curtains were drawn to hide his immense sadness
âb-but!â taichi spluttered, his brain running a million arguments at once, which was way too fast for his mouth. âitâs valentineâs day! itâs sooo romantic! love is everywhere! how can you not love love?â
you thought about it some more before shrugging, crossing your legs and trying to not break taichiâs heart even more. the poor cupid, it looked like he was going to cry like a baby
âwhy do you love love then?â
only you could render taichi silent. he had never been truly asked that question before, nor had he reflected on why he was the first person to become cupid every year
when taichi struggled to answer, you waited before he started speaking. it lacked the usual wonder and excitement he always had, it seemed like it was almost... personal
âi love love because... love is who i am. i didnât...â taichi stopped, as if considering sharing with you before continuing, not giving you the second to tell him he didnât have to. he wanted to, anyways
âi didnât have love to call my own, at least, not the way i wanted it. so, i made my own love. i love people, i love the world, i love everything. everything deserves love! just because i love a lot, doesnât make it any less special.â
you thought taichi wouldâve said the expensive bouquets florists made of the prettiest roses. or the largest stuffed animals holding stitched plush hearts in their paws. or sunsets with classical music playing in the background like a nicholas sparks film. not... not that
âokay you sap, maybe valentineâs day isnât that bad if you like it, then.â
taichiâs wings fluttered and he sat up, a smile upon his face
âi promise, valentineâs day is the best!â
now, that iâve met you, taichi thought
FEBRUARY 9 â taichi came to work only to find a bouquet of flowers upon his booth. they were the grandest displays of affection yet, with the best-smelling hundred petal roses he had ever imagined
you, on the other hand, werenât so impressed
âcupid, have you stolen the heart of another?â you said in the tone of a dramatic shakespearian actor, pretending to swoon when taichi hid his face in the flowers
âi... usually get flowers like these when i work, itâs nothing, really.â taichi mumbled, holding the flowers to his chest as a warm feeling spread across his body. he usually never got flowers, this was the first time someone had found his charms alluring enough to gift him such a pricey present
one look and you already knew he was lying. your heart fell a little when you noticed how happy taichi was, but you pretended to not care as you winked at him
âoh~ taichi has a lover now, huh?â he giggled in response, adamantly denying it despite holding the bouquet like it was his most prized possession. you glared a little harder at the red roses more than youâd like to admit
why were you feeling so... jealous? itâs not like you wanted the flowers or anything soâoh
when taichi turned that lovesick gaze towards you, you suddenly felt like you were on a sugar rush
when taichi performed his role better than ever with his newfound love for all things traditionally romantic, you watched off to the side
you reached up to your chest to feel the arrow, but to no avail
have you fallen for cupid?
FEBRUARY 11 â taichi shuffled the cards professionally, but his behavior was anything but that. the last time you had sat on the other side of the booth was days ago, but here you were, waiting for your love reading
when taichi met you, you werenât a person who heavily believed in love. romance wasnât something that made you happy nor did valentineâs day make you count down to february 14th like him. yet, you suddenly paid for a reading
you stared expectantly at him, your face once again unreadable and hard to distinguish. even if taichi was friends with you, he never mastered the art of reading you like a romance book. it was one of his most prominent talents, too, so it was strange why he couldnât
you only showed him what you wanted him to see, unfortunately. regardless, taichi did the whole shebang, theatrics and all even if you had seen it a thousand times by now
âwelcome to cupidâs love booth! let me read your love life~â taichi laid out the pink cards in a pretty, attention-grabbing manner before asking you to pick three. you did so relatively quickly, which taichi admired you for (he had once sat waiting for someone to pick, but they had taken nearly ten minutes. there was only so much cupid could do)
when taichi flipped them over, it was surprising, to say the least. of course, you didnât understand a thing as you waited for him to explain. however, taichi fell quiet, reading the cards with furrowed eyebrows
âawww, come on, cupid, give it to me straight. am i destined to be single forever?â you joked but a part of you worried about taichiâs reaction. even though he wore his heart on his sleeve and always expressed his feelings, he had never reacted this negatively to a reading before
taichi laughed at your joke, but it felt like a customer service one. it seemed strained and before you could ask if he was okay, taichiâs brilliant wink put him back as the amusement parkâs favorite cupid
âis there someone youâre not telling me about~? it seems like you have a friend you like, am i right?â taichi had hit bullseye; how did he know just from those cards? you didnât answer, just offering an innocent shrug as if you didnât care. you very much did, though
âso i am! iâm seeing that youâve recently liked them, ahhh, young love~â taichi sighed, as if in love with the concept already. âlooks like loveâs in the air, my dear, so donât worry about a thing! they like you back, without a doubt.â
you looked up at this, eyes wide before returning to your nonchalant state. taichi wondered what that couldâve meant even as he tried to maintain his shaking hands
âthey do? how do you know?â
taichi held a finger to his lips, as if it was a secret only cupid could know
âshhh, i just know. trust me, theyâd be a fool to not like you back.â
you could tell it wasnât cupid just talking, and you knew what you had to do
âiâll ask them to be my valentine tomorrow, then.â
taichiâs heart broke but... as long as you were happy, how could he say no?
FEBRUARY 13 â taichi wished he had a valentine. if only you liked him, maybe he wouldâve asked you, his first crush, to be his this month (and even longer). but, you were somewhere else, asking someone else to be your valentine
taichi frowned, finding it hard to maintain his happy excitement forever as the line began becoming longer and longer. taichi huffed, looking around as if youâd suddenly appear. but, taichiâs life wasnât a movie...
âhey cupid, why so sad?â
taichi turned around to see the biggest plushie he had seen in his entire life. it covered your entire frame, with the dog ears flopping over its giant black eyes cutely. in its arms was a red heart with the cursive words âi like you!â in white stitching
before taichi could even react, you peeked over the plushâs shoulder with a slightly embarrassed look
âcan you take it already? iâve been getting weird looks from everyone iâve walked by.â
taichi took the plush and placed it on the seat next to him, about to speak before you pulled out an even bigger bouquet from behind your back
they werenât just red roses. they were a rainbow of them, ranging from pink, white, yellow, blue, red, and even black! taichi could barely even count how many there were before you passed it to him, doing your best to not pass out and die from how sappy this all was
âsee, these are even better than the bouquet you got last time. i clearly am the better, uh, person for you, you know?â taichi didnât have the time to respond before you turned around again and presented a display of chocolates, all of them heart-shaped and tied in ribbon
âyou like chocolate, right? yeah, of course you do, i also gotââ before you could keep rambling, taichi gently held your hand. your heartrate skyrocketed and you froze, unsure of what to do when taichi was looking at you with his heart eyes
âyou got all of this... for me?â taichi was genuinely amazed and flattered, a light dust of red across his cheeks at how romantic all of this was. you blushed as well, looking away bashfully
âi mean, yeah. i donât see anyone else around.â
âbut... you donât like valentineâs day?â
you sighed, knowing the next words out of your mouth are word heâs going to never let you forget
âbut, i like you.â
âbut... i thought you liked someone else?â
âstupid cupid, i like you. only you.â
taichi stood up, not as cupid, but as himself. when he softly turned your head towards him, he smiled gently, squeezing your hands with all the appreciation in the world
âi like you, too. with or without the romance, i wouldâve said yes to being your valentine no matter what you did.â
you breathed a sigh of relief. sure, you didnât love love like taichi, but... he deserved it
âi have an idea.â you proposed, leaning in closer as taichi awaited your response with bated breath
âyou should open a kissing booth.â
âyouâd be my only customer.â
âthen give me my kiss already!â
FEBRUARY 14 (valentineâs day) â every year, taichi spent valentineâs alone. until, he met you
âstupid cupid, i like you.â
you and taichi were shot by cupidâs arrow this valentineâs day
#nanao taichi#taichi nanao#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game#a3! headcanons#act! addict! actors! headcanons#mankai a3!#mankai company#a3! x reader#a3 x reader#taichi x reader#a3! taichi#a3 taichi
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I Do Bad Things with You - Part 4
Okay, here we go. Part 4! Iâm sorry this oneâs a little shorter, I had to end it with a teeny, tiny, little cliffhanger. Iâm dramatic, what can I saw? đ€·đŒââïž Anyways, thereâs nothing too dark in this update. Itâs essentially a filler piece. Things get darker in the next part. Please let me know what you think. I love getting feedback from you all. Constructive criticism is always welcome. đđđ
Note: I forgot to add the link to Elainâs dress to my original post. Iâve added it at the bottom. đ
Credit to @featherymalignancyâ for Cassianâs nickname, Cash. đ
Catch up on previous parts here:Â Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, language, NSFW
Word count: 2,694
It was Wednesday, early evening, and Elain found herself sitting in her scrubs, on Feyre and Rhysâ living room couch. It was something of a ritual. Her sister and her husband would have her over for dinner about once a month since she moved out into her current apartment. But since the robbery, Feyre has insisted she come once a week.
At the minimum.
âSo, anything new in the medical world?â her sister called from the kitchen.
Elain stood up, walking over to the bar that separated the kitchen and living area and sat down on one of the barstools. She took a sip from her water bottle, pretending it was a glass of wine. âEveryday is a new case. But overall, in the medical world, not so much.â
âAnd nothing new in your life?â
âNothing since you asked me the same question last week.â
Feyre whipped her head to glare at her.
She blew a kiss right back.
The front door opened and she heard a âFey! Iâm home.â
A few moments later, Rhys walked into the kitchen. âHello Ellie,â he said, placing a light kiss on her cheek. âHowâs my favorite surgeon?â
She giggled. âHi Rhys. Iâm doing well, how are you? How as work?â
He pulled her sister in for a chaste kiss, likely for her benefit. Turning back to her, he answered, âIâm fine. Although who knew that running a business could be dreadfully dull. Doing most of the same thing over and over again.â
She leaned her forearms on the counter. âThatâs why I practice medicine. Every day is different, even if theyâre the same type of surgery.â She winked, causing him to chuckle.
He turned his attention back to Feyre. âAnything I can do to help, darling?â
Feyreâs eyes sparkled and the sight made something twinge, deep down in her heart. Her residency kept her busy, but she missed sharing that bond with someone else. Even though her last relationship was a disaster, to say the least, she still felt that emptiness when she was around her sisters and her husbands. That loneliness where Grayson once filled.
But then she thought about her interaction with Azriel the other day. She knew she said some pretty awful things. And she hit him too. Even if she wanted to try to apologize, he likely had her banned from the building. Plus, she doubted he would apologize for everything he did too. He didnât strike her as a man that apologized for anything nowadays.
âElain?â
Feyreâs voice pulled her from her thoughts.
âYes?â
Blue-grey eyes blinked at her. âI said dinner is ready.â She indicated towards the table. âYou okay?â
Elain shook her head, clearing the thoughts leading her down that long, dark road. âOh yeah, Iâm fine.â She climbed off the barstool and took her spot at the table, ignoring how Rhys seemed to watch her closely.
As they passed dishes around, filling their plates with roasted chicken, potatoes, and salad, Rhys took a sip of his wine glass, and asked, âSo, Elain. Are you coming to the gala Friday night?â
Gods she wished she could have wine right now. âUm, I wasnât planning on it. Do you guys need me there.â
âNo,â Feyre started at the same time as Rhys said, âYes.â
The couple looked at each other, a silent conversation going on between them that she couldnât decipher.
Finally, Rhys looked back at Elain. âOf course, you donât have to come if you donât wish to. I just thought that weâd get more donors with you there. Nobody could say no to a face like yours.â He winked at her, ever the flirt.
She felt her cheeks burn, but she covered it with a smirk and popped off with, âIâm surprised Rhys. I thought your face was pretty enough to sucker people out of their money, no? You need mine to help you out.â
Feyre snorted into her wine glass.
Rhys was positively grinning. âThe more the merrier,â he settled on.
She rolled her eyes.
âI know you donât have to work that night. You mentioned that last week. But if you really donât feel like coming, we wonât fault you for it.â
Elain chewed slowly on her roasted chicken, debating. Itâd been awhile since she had gone out. Even if it was for a gala. It might be nice to dress up for once instead of wearing her scrubs. She sighed loudly. âBut what would I wear?â
Feyre squealed from her seat, clapping. âOh! I have just the dress for you. I bought it a while back for myself, but I think it would look so much better on you. Iâll bring it over Friday.â
She smiled at her little sister. âThanks, Fey. I appreciate that.â
Perhaps the gala was exactly what she needed to get everything off her mind.
~~~~~
When six AM rolled around, Elain was utterly exhausted. She ended up in two surgeries overnight, one of them being a car accident victim that died on the table. There was too much internal bleeding and the poor woman bled out.
That was the worst part about this job. Knowing when a life is too far gone to save, but still trying to anyway, only to end up losing them in the end. It was the hope for a miracle that took its toll. Having to tell the family that their loved one didnât make it was even worse. Thesan let Elain tell the family this time, and her heart broke as the husband fell to his knees and sobbed over losing his wife. It was a grief unlike any other.
In the reflection of the elevator doors, she saw blood splattering on her scrubs. She itched to take them off. To rid herself of the pain and suffering that man was facing.
Elain rubbed at her eyes until she saw stars, breathing out a sigh of relief when the doors pinged open.
That relief was short-lived when she saw two police officers standing at the reception desk and the head nurse was pointing at her. Her feet came to an abrupt stop, just outside the elevator as the officers made their way over to her.
âElain Archeron?â one asked.
âYes?â anxiety laced her voice.
âDo you have a moment to talk about the robbery at Velaris First Bank last week?â
She nodded. âYes, lets move in here,â she indicated to the employee break area, âwhere itâs quiet.â
The two officers shuffled into the enclosed room after her. âWeâre sorry to bother you so early Miss Archeron.â
Miss Archeron? This was the same officer from the robbery who questioned her. Clearly Cash held up his end in getting her off the list of suspects. âItâs fine. Iâm coming off a ten-hour shift though, so could we please make this quick?â
He nodded. âOf course. We just need you to identify the tattoo on the one suspect.â He pulled out a tablet, tapping the screen and turned it to face her. âCan you please identify which tattoo you saw on the one suspect?â
Elain swiped through the photos, landing on the one that clearly said âBone Carver.â âIt was this one,â she indicated to the picture.
The officers looked at each other. âShe identified it. We have our suspect.â
Relief washed over her. âYou have the men in custody?â
The officer bit his lip, closing out of the tablet. âEr, not exactly.â
Her brows furrowed. âBut you know where he is?â she insisted.
It was the other officer who answered her. âWe found their bodies near the Sidra in the warehouse district.â
The blood drained from her face. Bodies? Oh no.
âThey were shot point blank,â he continued.
Oh, dear god. No! Dread pooled in the pit of her stomach. She knew where this was headed.
âDo you have any idea who may have wanted them dead?â
Elain blinked at the two officers, her face a mask of indifference, hiding the inner turmoil rolling through her gut. Did she have an idea who did that? Yesâshe would lay money on it that it was Azriel. But could she tell the officers that? After everything Cash had told her? After their fight the other day?
Her mind screamed at her to tell them. To not lie and make her life all that more complicated. So, when she spoke, her answer surprised her.
âNo, I have no idea who would do that to them. Iâm sorry Iâm not much help.â
The two officers regarded her warily. Almost as if they didnât believe her.
As they shouldnâtâher brain reminded her.
âThank you, Miss Archeron, for your help in this investigation. Weâll be in touch if we have any further questions.â
Without another word, they swept from the room, leaving Elain standing there dumbfounded. Fuck, what did she just do? Perhaps she needed to involve Cassian again.
But one thing was for sure, Azriel seemed to continue pulling her down into his rabbit hole. And Elain need to do something before she fell in too deep.
~~~~~
Elain stood staring at her reflection in the mirror as she waited for her Uber to show up. The dress Feyre gave to her was truly stunning. The soft peach color did wonders for her pale complexion, giving her this golden appearance. It plunged in the front to a few inches above her navel, exposing the soft curve of her breasts. A small, pastel blue belt cinched at her waist, before the skirt billowed out into a floor-length, A-line of tule and chiffon. The skirt had a slit up to midthigh that exposed her leg as she moved.
But her favorite part about the dress was the beaded embroidery details. Blue flowers lined the v-cut on her chest and travelled up her shoulders and down to her elbows on the three-quarter length sleeves. The embroidered flowers also traveled down the skirt, starting just below the belt and fell like floral vines around her waist, dropping down to her knees.
It was like this dress was made for her. Like someone looked into her soul and put it into the form of a dress. Feyre was right, it was perfect for herâher own version of a piece of art.
Wanting to let the dress be the focal point, Elain left her face nearly bareâa hint of blush on the apples of her cheeks, the darkening of her lashes with mascara, and added a peachy-pink lipstick. She left her hair down, pulling the sides back and adding soft curls. Other than the flower earrings her sisters gave her for graduating med school, she wore no other jewelry.
The gown was so beautiful that it was easy to get lost in it. By simplifying everything else around her, Elain felt like the dress became the statement of her entire entourage. For the first time in a while, she actually felt beautiful.
It was not something she was used to and immediately, her self-consciousness began to doubt her.
Youâre exposed.
Youâre asking for it.
Youâre worthless.
Your beauty is fakeâmade by nothing more than a fancy dress.
She cringed inwardly, stepping away from the mirror and taking a breath. Desperately pushing the thoughts away, her phone pinged announcing that her driver had arrived. Avoiding the mirror, Elain grabbed her purse and made for the exit.
Her Uber driver dropped her off out front of the hotel that was hosting the gala. The front walkway was decorated to direct people inside to the ballroom. After giving her name, Elain passed through the security check point.
She was about a half hour late, but since there was no sit-down dinner, she figured it wasnât a big deal. Looking around the room, she found Rhysâ tall form in the center, Cassian on his side. Knowing her sisters were probably there too, she made her way over to them.
âElain!â Feyre squealed, pulling her into a tight embrace. âYou made it. I was getting worried.â Blue-grey eyes took in her appearance. âWow, I was right. That dress was practically made for you.â
Her cheeks tinted, but she said, âThank you. And for letting me use this tonight. I really had nothing else.â
âUse?â Her sister shook her head. âYouâre keeping that. I guarantee I wonât wear it, especially seeing how wonderful it looks on you. Keep it, please. I insist.â
âYou sound just like Mor,â Elainâs mouth quirked.
Feyre laughed deeply. It was such a joyful sound. One she was glad her sister was able to do again, now that she was happily married to Rhys and out of Tamlinâs clutches. It had been a while since she heard her sister laugh so merrily. The thought warmed her insides. And by the way Rhys was staring at his wife, she knew he was thinking the same thing.
âHello, Ellie,â Nesta interrupted, giving her a quick hug. âYou look beautiful.â
âThank you, Nesta. You as well.â She looked at both her sisters. âYou both do.â It was true. Nesta wore a floor-length number, the color of steel. It made her eyes look more grey than blue. And Feyre had on a navy-blue dress that seemed to have the stars sewn into the very fabric. It shimmered any time she moved, giving off the appearance of the night sky.
Their dresses fit their personalities so well, Elain had to fight back a giggle.
Nesta was a pillar of steel. Unwavering in what she wanted. It made many believe that she was just the icy façade she put up front. Only Cassian seemed to wiggle his way through her rough exterior, though you wouldnât have known if you heard how they communicated with each otherâthrough snarky comments and loud arguments. But Elain could see how her sisterâs face softened whenever her husband was in the room. He was good for her.
And then there was Feyre. Her little sister who was obsessed with the night sky since she was a young girl. It seemed like fate when Rhysand Knight waltzed into her life all those years ago. She watched as her sister excused herself so go socialize with a group of potential donors, easily flitting into their conversation.
Cassian gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before tucking Nesta against his side.
Rhys pulled her into a hug. âYou look lovely, Ellie.â
âThank you, Rhys. You and Feyre did a wonderful job with this. Howâs the sucking up going?â
Her brother-in-law laughed. âFey is such a charmer with some of the male donors. Sheâs got them eating out of the palm of her hands.â
She nodded towards her sister. âI can see that.â
Rhys held out his hand, âCare for a dance?â
Elain glanced at the makeshift dance floor and then back at his outstretched hand. âWouldnât you rather dance with your wife?â she tried.
âFeyâs busy collecting donations.â He smiled down at her. âHumor me. The last time we danced was at my wedding.â
She rolled her eyes. âYouâre so dramatic,â she lamented, taking his hand.
He gasped in mock exasperation, twirling her into his arms. âMe? Dramatic? Thatâs absurd!â
She giggled, looking up and finding his violet eyes darting around the room. For some reason, she sensed something was off, but before she could ask him, he looked down at her and asked, âHow are you doing Elain? Really doing?â
âIâm fine.â
His brow arched. âReally?â he questioned, spinning her around. âBecause I spoke with Azriel this week.â
She tensed, steps faltering in her nude pumps, but Rhys gripped her tightly, holding her upright. âWhat did he say?â she asked cautiously. Â
Violet eyes twinkled. âI guess youâll just have to ask him yourself.â
Her eyes went wide, heart pounding in her chest. But before she could demand what the hell was going on, Rhys spun her out, releasing her hand and letting her twirl right into a solid wall of muscle.
One scarred hand gripped hers, the other landing on the dip of her hip. Hair still falling over her shoulder, Elain looked up into those beautiful hazel eyes she once loved so much.
âHello, Elain.â
~~~~~
Forgot to add this earlier. Hereâs the inspiration for Elainâs Dress.Â
Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my tag list or if your tag isnât working. No hard feelings. đ
Tagging: @rhysanoodle @featherymalignancy @julesherondalex @nalgenewhore @alifletcher2012 @shyvioletcat @lovemollywho @24hourauthor @mis-lil-red @ttakeitbacknoww @belamoonbeam @chemicha @stars-falling @megaburrito2 @amitynotpity @watermilanfish @blackjacks-donuts @julemmaes @negativenesta @captainthefangirlofhp @21shotglasses @littlehoneyybee @eloeloeheheh @pilesofriles @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @tintinnabulary @abimomeopectore @keshavomit @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @meowsekai @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @astreia-oniria @rabia-mms @b00kworm @the-regal-warrior @mirainthedark05 @maastrash @sleeping-and-books @abraxos-is-toothless @xprincess-oof17x @verypaleninja @dreamerforever-5 @elrielllll @mu-si-ca-l @tanaquilpriscilla @queen-of-glass @fourshizzle149 @ducksmurf135 @pajikas @jemma-nessian-and-elriel @rhyswhitethorn @verifiefangirl @ghostlyrose2 @courtofjurdan @that-other-pineapple @elide-lochan-salvaterre @aelin-is-my-heart @empress-ofbloodshed @holdingon-21 @but-she-was-aelin-galathynius @acourtofmarauders @a-court-of-nessian @carbconnoisseur @poisonous00 @thesirenwashere @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks @moonbeammadness @sjm-things @joyceortiz13 @lunaroseperdomoâ @sjmshipsâ @qoingcrazyâ @sis-it-dont-add-upâ @superspiritfestivalâ @myshadowsingeraz @rapunzel1523â @perseusannabethâ @stardeliaâ @thewayshedreamedâ @lord-douglas-the-thirdâ @januarystearsâ @northisntdeadâ @illyriangarbageâ @hizqueen4lifeâ @i-am-probably-depressedâ @booksmusicandgoodvibesâ @starfallinlove @kayleepipâ @nightcourtcinnamonrollâ @hydraphileâ
#tswaney17#Tay writes#I Do Bad Things with You#Elain#elain archeron#Azriel#elain x azriel#acotar#acowar#acomaf#acofas#My writing#fanfic
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The Crying Reflex (Rosénali) - SnowBun
A/N: Did I use this to procrastinate from working and finishing Iâm Not Into Sometimes? Absolutely. But never fear, I will finish that fic (at some point.) Posted about writing this a few weeks ago and I actually got around to it, what a shock! Idea taken from RosĂ© posting that Denaliâs IG story made her cry.
Thank you to Hollie for always being the most amazing beta. Donât know what Iâd do without you. This is for dawningofdrag and pinkgrapefruit for making me feel like this was worth putting out into the world.
Summary: Denali always makes Rosé cry.
â
RosĂ© isnât sure how they become friends. She doesnât believe in destiny or cosmic jokes. She doesnât think that thereâs a higher being out there that writes a script to the whole universe in the stars.
Being friends with her feels more like a reflex. A meeting of the eyes across the room to stimulate, react with a friendship that feels so real she can almost hold it in the palm of her hand.
Look at me the way you do and thatâs it, Iâm yours.
âCan we talk?â
There are 11 other drag queens and a small but very present television crew in the room, but there is nothing else in her line of sight but Denali. All she can see is the way she dabs at her eyes and the way that theyâre flitting from light bulb to light bulb in an effort to look anywhere that isnât RosĂ©.
âI donât know what it is about you,â She throws out her arms with a little laugh, like sheâs about to explain that this all just some ridiculously mean joke thatâs unfolding before them. âBut I couldnât even look at you. Thereâs just something about you.â
âYou donât have to look at me. You wanna know why?â
âWhy?â
âCause youâre going to have a lot of time to look at me.â
Every word that tumbles out of her mouth is a reaction to a tear that Denali blots away with a balled-up tissue paper in her fist. She encourages, even jokes, until she sees her crack a smile that reminds her of the way the sun breaks through hotel room curtains.
She doesnât realize sheâs holding her hand before her thumb is already stroking skin.
âI need you to do it not just for you, but I need you to do it for me; because I really need you here with me.â
RosĂ© is many things. She is a queen with unending wit and talent. She is that person who wonât stop toeing the line between hot mess and professional, purely for fun. She is the girl that everyone in the werkroom is eyeing with cautious curiosity.
âI know I can make it to the top.â
One thing she has never been is a crier.
âI know you can too.â
Well, at least she didnât think she was.
Glass beads form in the corners of her eyes, so unlike the bright plastic ones that Lagoona had bought bags of weeks ago. No, these are Denaliâs beads. Crystals of chandeliers draping from ceilings, as clear as the fact that sheâs barely holding together.
Sheâs about to say something, even lets the air pass through her teeth so the words can come out; but then she feels her bottom lip quiver and she buries the reflex with things she prays she can admit to later.
âYou know what to do.â
â
Denali shuts her eyes. Well, the non-prosthetic ones at least. Against the stark black of her dress, the orange hue of the setting sun washes her skin a beautiful shade of orange. Her radiance only serves to remind Rosé that she hates the way she looks right now.
âYou okay?â
âJust tired.â
They lean against the wall, holding hands as they bathe in the last vestiges of daylight. She hums the disco number thatâs been on repeat for the past two days if only to make Denali laugh, all low and breathy. Itâs these small quiet moments that make the stamp of âyouâre safeâ more sweet than bitter.
âYou were amazing out there, angel.â
âSo were you.â Denali turns her head to look at her and she canât help herself from laughing when all eight black eyes stare back at her. âStill wasnât enough for the judges, though.â
âOh no, baby,â RosĂ© tuts. âI donât need the judges to tell me shit. Iâll let my delusion tell me how great I am.â
They look out at the lot, watch crew members bustle about as they keep their distance. Itâs simple really, how one person is point A and the other is point B. So easy to model with mathematical functions that distance is proportional to safety.
Even easier to prove that distance is proportional to the loneliness that threatens to swallow her whole when sheâs trapped in her hotel room.
The thought of having to return to it in a few hours feels like a punch to the gut, the type thatâs so strong that tears form in her eyes. To have thoughts, hopes, fears that she can only voice to a void sends her spiralling down.
She presses the back of her head into the concrete wall so she doesnât cry. She still has to return to the runway after all. She blinks away her tears like the exhaustion and loneliness will disappear with them.
âRosie?â
âYeah?â
âEver want something so bad it hurts?â
She knows Denali is talking about the competition. She knows that sheâs talking about hearing, âcondrag-ulations,â instead of, âyouâre safe,â the next time they step out onto the stage. She knows that sheâs talking about the things that theyâve both come here to achieve.
But then she notices that sheâs been drawing on the back of Denaliâs hand with the pad of her thumb this whole time. She feels the weight of loneliness lift ever so slightly off her shoulders and she knows without giving it any serious thought that she has all she wants right here. At least for now.
âYes.â
âWhat was it?â
âAnother cocktail.â
âI hate you so much.â
âI love you too.â
She colors those words shades of orange and black, permanent marker and invisible ink just for her.
â
âYouâre going to win.â
Itâs hard to be sure of things when the world is falling to shit. Being sure of things is reserved for statements like, âthe earth isnât flat,â or, âmy dress is definitely a warm yellow and not orange.â
But Denali sounds so sure of it. She sounds like sheâs turning theories into laws, like anything else is a deviation from the reality sheâs living.
RosĂ© is holding a cocktail in one hand and Denaliâs in the other, and the only thing she can really be sure of is that she isnât willing to let go of either right now.
âI swear to God, if youâre jinxing this for meââ
âIâm not!â
Thank you.
Itâs the first thing she writes on the skin of her hand in a code only they will ever understand. There are ancient languages lost to time, but she knows that when they leave this competition, those words etched into flesh will be a relic only she can read.
âIâm going to sue you for $5000 if I donât hear RuPaul say, âcondrag-ulations, RosĂ©â by the end of tonight.â
âShut up.â She giggles. âI promise that youâre going to win this. There is literally no way you wonât.â
RosĂ© doesnât have to think too hard to know that Denali is right. In fact, her reflex is to believe her; but if she pauses, lets the lull of laughter set in for too long, then she hears that little voice in the back of her brain, telling her over and over again that it wasnât good enough.
Youâre right.
Of course, she canât admit it out loud, but she knows whispers of fingertips will be enough for her to understand.
âIn case I do win, Iâm going to have to ask you to promise me shit like that every week.â
âMmm, no way.â She pops the plastic straw of her drink out of her mouth, leaving a ring of black staining bright pink. âI have to leave some of those promises for myself. You know, share the love.â
The room is buzzing with nervous energy from the idea of either Kandy, Tina or Symone having to lip sync, but on the couch alone with her, it feels like a bubble. All she can hear is laughter and promises bouncing off fragile walls.
âIâm proud of you, Rosie.â
Her drink is halfway to her mouth when she says it. It takes a moment for her brain to process, but her body reacts right away. The tears in her eyes donât come from the pain of having just laughed too hard or from the exhaustion that keeps threatening to knock her out.
No, they come from the way Denali looks at her, like her color blindness takes off the green on her face so she can see all the dreams she hides underneath.
I love you.
âThank you, angel.â She gives her hand a final squeeze before letting go.
â
It doesnât register that the hand heâs holding isnât Denaliâs.
Most of the queens have fallen asleep, the emotions from the long day leaving them all drained of energy. There are snores and whispers filling up the empty seats of the van, but he doesnât notice. All he knows is that something is wrong, something he canât quite place.
The way he writes itâs okay is more than just a habit that heâs acquired over the past few weeks. Itâs become a reflex, no different to breathing. The words he writes need no introduction or conclusion. Itâs something he knew how to do before he learned he was doing it.
When he turns his head, heâs almost surprised to find that itâs actually Olivia, hiding half his face in the sleeve of a baggy sweatshirt so no one can hear him sniffling. One look at him and everything comes rushing back.
Denali is gone and no one can understand the words now.
He isnât angry at him, couldnât be even if he tried. He sees the bloodshot eyes when they pass under a streetlamp and he knows the way it feels. He knows how it feels because all he can think about is how Denali used to sit there, buzzing with the idea of making his dream come true.
âSorry, Liv.â
RosĂ© isnât sorry that he canât let go of his hand or that heâs caught him crying. If heâs honest, he isnât really sure what heâs sorry for. It just seems like the right words to say to tell him heâs not suffering alone.
Is this what it feels like to lose half of something thatâs still whole? Things wonât fall apart now that heâs gone. Heâll still push to get to that finish line until his lungs give out and breathing turns into a sting in his chest.
But how he wishes he could get there holding his hand.
âMe too.â
Olivia lets out a shaky breath before leaning against him. RosĂ© is thankful that he canât see his face. All the easier to hide the tears that threaten to pour out of him.
â
The hotel door shuts behind him, the sound reverberating all throughout his mind, soul and body until all thatâs left in his brain is a single thought:
I did it.
His reflex is to belt, âThe winner is RosĂ©!â to his hotel room. Then he looks around, sees the grand emptiness of it all, and lets the pain in his chest shock his body, a billion volts to the parts of him that even he canât see.
The void pokes, prods, stimulates, and his bodyâs first response is to turn and look for Denali. He knows that the doors are locked, that telling him heâs in the top four is nothing short of impossible when heâs probably already hundreds of miles away.
What would it be like if heâd been there?
What would it be like to see him wipe off the makeup, revealing nothing but the look of purest joy and pride underneath? What would it be like to hold his hand until the end so he can learn how the words we did it feel on his skin?
What would it be like if the vision of him that still lives in his mind actually paid its three weeks long overdue rent?
What happens when he comes home? What happens when he has to tell him that heâs achieved something that they both deserved to have?
Questions, questions, and more questions. They occupy his brain and it spins the way he does across the stage. Thereâs a hurricane in the room, tearing everything apart, and he canât find his way into its eye.
For the first and last time during the entire competition, he lets himself cry. It is free, messy, ugly with its heaving sobs that wrack through his whole body. Itâs the type of crying that would be a meme tomorrow if it had gotten caught on the set of Drag Race.
He isnât sure why he cries, not when his dreams are literally coming true. Heâs always known that things will never be as he sees it in his head, but he never imagined that the pleasure would come with a pain he canât even understand.
It takes a moment for the hurricane to pass. It leaves him drained of emotions he didnât know he had, but heâs alive and itâs all he really cares about. He lifts up the covers of his bed and crawls in, hoping that heâll forget the complex cocktail of emotions that heâs just unearthed when he wakes up the next day.
Before he falls asleep, he rehearses his script in his head.
Hey, D. You were right, I did it.
â
Itâs in the last few seconds before falling asleep and in the pauses while finishing his makeup that he spends thinking of what heâll say to him when he gets home. When he finally gets a chance, none of what he plans ever gets said.
The first thing he does when he gets home from Drag Race is to collapse onto his bed. He fills his senses with the smell of his sheets. Itâs a familiar embrace that pulls him into the deepest, most comfortable sleep heâs had in months.
When he wakes up, the room is so dark that he canât tell heâs even opened his eyes. He drinks in the idea that he can leave it behind, that there is light beyond these walls and he can touch it with his bare hands again.
Instead, he grabs his phone off the nightstand. He forgets what heâs meant to do in the first place, but his fingers are already searching for the message that Denali sent as soon as he got home to Chicago. He doesnât realize what heâs doing until the words are jumping out of the screen at him, breaking him until he smiles.
Denali: hi rosie! Idk when youâll be back but since youâll probably make it to the finale, that might be a while. Ilysm and iâm already so proud of you. Call me when you get back, miss you!
Denali: PS itâs all your fault that i keep singing pretty witty fashion clown, i hate you
The picture of Denali sitting on his couch, typing out something so incredibly sweet then following it up with his own brand of ridiculous, is so vivid in his mind that he canât stop himself from laughing. Otherwise, he might start screaming about how the feeling of the bones caging his poor heart are breaking.
âHello?â
âRosie!â
Nightmares start where dreams end, and this one had started the moment sheâd walked off the stage, leaving her hopes at RosĂ©âs feet, clad in chunky Tina Burner heels. He wakes up when he hears him say his name, even if it isnât the real thing.
âOh my god, you just got back. Does this mean I was right?â
âWhy do you sound like you were doubting me, baby?â
If heâs honest, heâd been scared of this moment. It was an unspoken contract: weâll be there together. It felt like breaking his end of the promise, even if itâs the best thing thatâs ever happened to him.
âI knew it!â He paints the dark of the room with the joy in his voice and RosĂ© watches all the colors sheâs ever worn on runways tint the bare walls. âI swear Rosie, I knew from the day I met you that youâd make it there.â
I thought the same about you.
He bites back the words, swallows them like a bitter pill.
âAww, youâre so sweet, D.â
âGod, I miss you so much.â
The pill gets stuck in his throat, making his eyes water. He knows heâs been missed and he knows heâs missed him too, but to hear the words burst into a flash of light that fills up the darkened corners of his room makes him remember that everything they have is more than just an intersection of a dream and a nightmare.
What they had in quiet conversations on van rides and tipsy chats in the werkroom was real, and he had come home to it, even if itâs just a phone call that will never be enough.
âI miss you too.â
â
It doesnât hit him how lonely heâs felt for months until he isnât alone anymore.
After his third glass of wine, he settles on the edge of Symoneâs bed. He watches his sisters talk about nothing and everything all at once. He tries to cut in every once in a while with a song or a joke or his usual mixture of both, but heâs perfectly content just to see all of them together again.
Days, weeks, months have passed and not all of them are spent alone, but loneliness still mars every interaction he has. In the middle of a world thatâs going forward and nowhere all at once, he canât help but feel like heâs in the middle of the ocean with water filling his lungs.
Then he hears them all laugh and he rises to the surface with a breath of fresh air and the sun shining down on his face.
âRosita!â
Denali whines and immediately plops down beside him, laying his head in his lap. RosĂ© knows that heâs drunk or at least close to it, but heâs almost certain that heâd do this to him completely sober too.
Itâs been four hours since theyâve reunited after months apart, but how they are hasnât changed. The safety that heâd thought had just been there to shield him from the impending doom in a bright pink box is still there.
He wonât admit it to anyone, least of all to himself, but as he runs his fingers through his hair, he knows that heâs missed this the most.
âIâm going to fall asleep if you keep doing that.â
âAre you a fucking cat?â
âIâm a pussy, sweetie.â
He looks around the room again and it sinks in how lucky he is to have this. In a universe that he believes is constantly on the brink of implosion, heâs found people like them to hold on to. They didnât know it at the time, but all the sacrifices theyâve made have led them to this.
Most of all, heâs found the living embodiment of growth and joy, and he has strands of his hair slipping between his fingers. He blames the fact that he almost cries on how Denali wonât stop making feminine moaning noises, causing everyone in the room to break into laughter.
Soon, he will have to go home to empty spaces. He will return to the loneliness, but the dullness of its knife will have faded. When it comes to him in the night, making the world stop again, he will greet it with this memory of contentment.
â
There are millions of things that sheâs willing to do to make it stop. He could turn the universe upside down, inside out for him. He could yell at the top of her lungs for highways and mountains to move for him. He could fly a damn plane to Chicago for him.
Nothing is too much to stop being a helpless soul, watching him cry over Facetime calls.
âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing. Itâs stupid.â
âYour feelings will never be stupid, angel.â
Denali tries to laugh, but it doesnât come out quite right. It is too full of tears and fears, too loaded with emotions that RosĂ© begs to understand. It is the saddest sound sheâs ever heard and shards of glass appear where her heart used to be.
âEveryone loves me now.â He says as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.
âYeah, because your lipsync was that fucking good, diva.â
âAnd what happens when I disappoint them?â
RosĂ© takes a deep breath, lets it settle where shattered glass lies. After a long night alone, heâd once seen a video where they turn the pieces into the most beautiful new figures. He wonders if heâll know heâs turning his heart into something new for him.
âListen to me, Denali. You are not and will never be a disappointment to anyone.â
âWhat happens when Iâm eliminated? What happens when people figure out that Iâm not as good as they thought I was?â
Theyâve only talked about it once before, while drunk in his room after a long day of promo. If the others noticed that Denali was talking to him in whispers and holding his hand too tight, they didnât mention it.
Does he know that he cuts her fingers when he tries to pick up the pieces for him? Does he know that he believes that nothing in the world could ever be so wrong? Does he know that he loves him too much to ever think of him the way he thinks of himself?
Months ago, heâd questioned how he could ever be so sure of anything. Oh, how the tables have turned.
âYes, you will.â He doesnât know how he manages to keep his voice steady for him. âOne bad day wonât change how much people love you. Youâre a fabulous performer and an even more fabulous friend. Donât ever doubt it for one minute, bitch.â
âButââ
âNo buts here, baby. The only acceptable one is the fat ass youâre sitting on.â
Itâs only when Denali laughs that he realizes heâs been crying too. How could he not when nothing in the world could be as clear? To love him is a reflex and to stop is in the realm of impossibility.
âIâm sorry I ruined your makeup, Rosie.â
âDonât worry about it.â Itâs easy to brush off, especially when it comes to him. âMaybe the people that booked Cameos are into the smudged mascara look.â
People never told him he could love someoneâs laugh so much before.
â
Denali makes him realize what it means to daydream. One minute, heâs out of his own body, watching them dance in a whirlwind of giggling grace together. He spins across the dance studio and when he opens his eyes, theyâre suddenly drunk off of bad cocktails in his living room, trying to do the choreography to Phenomenon.
âWait, no!â  He almost falls over when he throws his arms over his head. âWe really have to put our whole body into the wiggle. Like this.â It takes a single demonstration for Denali to crash onto the couch, burying his face into a cushion to hide his scream from RosĂ©âs neighbors.
âIâm just trying to be accurate here.â He says when he plops down beside him. âUtica said wiggle to the top, so Iâm wiggling to the fucking top, baby.â
âYou canât make a top out of a bottom, Rosie.â
âWell, I made it to the top four, didnât I?â
Theyâre both laughing so hard it hurts. Itâs the type of laughing that makes their eyes tear up and their vision blur. Itâs the type of laughing that makes them struggle for breath until they canât tell if itâs them or the room thatâs spinning.
The cocktail of alcohol and absurdity settles at the bottom of his stomach and he lets the laughter die. He reaches out for his hand, writes down words from memory to flesh.
Thank you.
Youâre right.
I love you.
He wonders how many new words heâll learn during his stay in New York.
Denali writes something back and itâs all RosĂ© could have ever hoped for. Itâs not that he didnât know it before, but having the words burned on the back of his hand is still the sweetest sensation heâs ever felt.
It happens so quickly that he doesnât know where it starts and ends. All he knows for sure is that Denali kissed him, a peck on his lips that feels like the quick burst of a bubble.
When he wakes from this dream tomorrow, heâs not sure heâll even remember what it felt like. All heâll think of is the way Denali presses into his side, like none of it ever happened.
âMaybe you really are a cat.â
âJust go to sleep.â
RosĂ© doesnât find trouble shutting his eyes. He doesnât need to see him to know he wonât leave.
â
Maybe itâs the power of TV magic or maybe itâs the wall of makeup that Tina had plastered onto his face that makes it look like he isnât holding back a gallon of tears. Instead, he looks as happy as he always does, bouncing across the runway like seeing Denali leave didnât break his heart right in two.
The thought of having to act happy feels ridiculous now that theyâre both sobbing silently over the phone. Neither of them have said anything since Ru told him to sashay away and as Untucked starts to play, they remember that they have to breathe again.
âAre you okay?â
Denali is almost uncomfortably quiet. The streaks of foundation missing from his face tell RosĂ© all he really needs to know but he asks anyway, if only to make sure that he doesnât get trapped in his own head. Beautiful minds make the ugliest nightmares, after all.
âWhy do you always dance like that during lipsyncs?â
He stares at him in open-mouthed shock. After the emotional ringer that theyâve both just been pulled through, all he can focus on is the fact that only his knees move when heâs dancing in the background?
âAre you fucking kidding me, Denali?â
âThis episode is way too tragic.â Heâs brushing it off so easily that the concern RosĂ© feels grows with each passing second. âMy elimination, your makeup, your weird dad dancing. We have to address those things one at a time.â
âAnd can that first thing be your elimination?â
Denali quits rambling when he says it. They listen to the synced buzz of their TVs, watch as RosĂ© writes itâll be okay on her hand. He wonders if the words are still there, wonders if he can still feel them when he needs them the most.
âI donât know if Iâm ready for it yet.â
To love him is to accept it.
Tonight wonât be the night for them to talk about it. It probably wonât even be tomorrow; but when heâs ready, RosĂ© will keep his end of the promise. There will be other times to love him in the ways he knows how.
âWhy wonât people just leave my dad dancing alone?â
âOh, Rosie,â he giggles and RosĂ© thinks it might be the most beautiful sound heâs ever heard. âI think itâs adorable.â
â
Denali: have you seen the response online omg
Rosé: I told u so
Denali: what
RosĂ©: told u theyâd love u as much as i do
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