#all carers are valid

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism awareness & autism acceptance not either or. not mutually exclusive. can coexist. need coexist.

“there enough awareness for autism already 🙄 we need acceptance”

ok. you aware of high support needs autism? aware what that even means? not “need reminder take meds need remind take shower” “high” support needs autism, but “need full physical help do bADLs lack danger awareness may accidentally hurt self or even kill self without support” high support needs autism? not just higher support needs people who can be independently online do advocacy, but those who need help from others even be online, or those who cannot be online at. all.?

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people? not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can write grammatically correct cannot tell apart base on writing. not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can be online who can advocate online.

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who cannot communicate in way that easily understood, either for now, or ever? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people without functional communication, aware of how without functional communication, how that drastically limit communication, even though behaviors are valid communication? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who may never use AAC fluently even with best support?

aware of technically verbal but very limited verbal autistics who may only able say wants & needs but not other things and certainly not online advocacy, “despite being verbal”?

aware of just how much our life depends on caregiver/carer/PCA/etc? aware how vulnerable that make us? aware of abuse from caregivers? aware of caregiver burnout from lack of support for caregivers, & how that impact our care we receive? have you even heard of term respite care? aware of those of us who cannot separate ourselves from caregiver? aware of those of us who cannot participate in autism community without caregiver?

aware of visibly autistic people? aware how we not automatically believed? aware how we often bear blunt of violence because we most easily identified target because we visible? aware visible =/= get support, aware that many those diagnosed severe who now adult so no longer qualify for services under 21 year old, languish in hospitals because nowhere to go? aware how long life saving necessary waitlists are? aware that even to this day parents have to fight school fight day service fight government fight insurance for them give their nonverbal nonspeaking child AAC & be properly taught how use it? actually, are you aware of how properly teach AAC to nonverbal nonspeaking, developmentally delayed child who may or may not have intellectual disability?

actually, aware of autistics with (correctly diagnosed) intellectual disability & how they make up big amount of autistic? aware of institutional systemic & legal impact of mental [r word] right & the human rights abuse justified using r word right? wait, you aware that r word come from old term for intellectual disability, that, actually, still in many laws because no one bothered updating, right? aware of what severe profound ID look like? and aware they real and they still human deserve education deserve life deserve care, yes?

aware of early diagnosis 20 30 or even 10 years ago, not same as now, even less resources & knowledge about autism now? aware that while gender race class 1000% impacted diagnoses, a lot of early diagnosed people early diagnosed because… they die without support unlocked by diagnosis, right? but also, aware that in old times, early diagnosis often did mean doom, not because autism bad or anything, but because severe lack of support & diagnosis can literally bar you from so many things including basic education?

aware that for many people in special education, which impact specific group of autistic people, they not get degree when graduate high school, they just get certificate, which limit their educational & employment opportunities & others?

aware of life saving importance and necessity of masking for autistic of color especially Black autistic people, despite stress inducing traumatic? aware that live in broken system be victim of hate crime & police brutality just as traumatic often even more traumatic than masking? aware that many Black & other parents of color forced to teach their child masking because of this?

are you aware of most marginalized autistic people? aware of leadership of most impacted?

aware you can and need to care about autistic experiences & form of autism you not experience? aware that you can and need to do that without try twist your experience into our experience into our words our community?

aware that advocacy goes beyond about you?

aware that you can’t speak for all autistic? aware that you shouldn’t speak for all autistic?

are you aware of when you need to stop talking & listen & amplify others? aware of when and how to decenter self?

aware that even this long post, barely scratch surface? still so much to say?

[better worded version of original post]

[lesbxdyke]

Decided to steal my own tags from This Post because I didn't want to detract from the very good points being made about wheelchair accessibility in the art

So I'm disabled. And I often have to use crutches as a mobility aid. Sometimes one, sometimes two. And even with that, I still sometimes can't get around.

There have been numerable occasions in my life where something has been marked as 'accessible' that is not accessible to me, because it was made with ONLY wheelchair users in mind.

And like I said in my tags, it's a genuinely great thing that things are now being made with wheelchair users in mind! I am genuinely heartened and happy that wheelchairs users are being recognised in public spaces and accommodated for!

But they are not the be all and end all of physically disabled people.

I need the extra space of a disabled bathroom. Especially as another physical disability of mine causes me to often require space to change underwear or clothing.

However, if I'm having a bad pain day, I can't wash my hands. Because the only sink is at the height for a wheelchair user. So my options are to eschew hygiene and pray that a cleaner wipes down the door handle regularly so others aren't interacting with a thing that I have touched without washing my hands, OR risk furthering my own pain by bending to reach the sink, which could end in me stuck in the bathroom as my back seizes and I cannot move.

As I'm sure you can imagine from reading that, neither option is a good option, but one is a safer one for me. And I hate it. I'm 'lucky' in that I have to always carry baby wipes with me anyway so I'm somewhat able to mitigate the hygiene issue, but what if I didn't? What if I didn't have the extra disability and just had the back problems that required the extra space of the disabled bathroom for my mobility aids? What then?

I also have a radar key (for those not in the UK: disabled bathrooms are often locked. A radar key is a skeleton key for disabled bathrooms all around the UK) so I can always gain access to the disabled bathrooms. Except... I often have to find staff to help me open them anyway because the door handles are low and I can't bend to press them.

Now this post isn't me saying that the world should be built only to cater to me in particular (tho gods it would be nice!)

This post is talking about competing support needs and how my experience as a disabled person, struggling with how so much 'accessible' stuff is only designed for wheelchair users is just as valid as a wheelchair user celebrating that they can use an ATM and a public bathroom without needing the aid of a stranger or a carer.

I've seen quite a lot of people, in real life and elsewhere on the internet, want to call it Ableist when people ask for there to be a different option that would be inaccessible for a wheelchair user to use within an accessible area like a bathroom. They think it's able bodied people, or parents (since often in the UK, disabled bathrooms also double as baby changing, which is a whole different kettle of fish) demanding we take away the accessibility that the bathrooms are there for. They don't think about people on crutches, or canes, or with mobility that changes by day, or who can walk unaided but cannot bend, or, or, or.

Two sinks in a disabled bathroom would change my life. One wheelchair accessible, one not. I could wash my hands. Other people who needed the bathroom could wash their hands. Everyone could be hygienic in an accessible way!

Two ATMs, side by side. One lower, one higher. I can access my money. Wheelchair users can access their money. Everyone can withdraw their money safely in an accessible way!

Maybe there's no solution for some (like the door handle) but if others were solved, then the remaining ones would bother me a lot less. It's a lot less frustration and humiliation inducing to say "Hey, can you open the bathroom for me?" When you know you'll be able to wash your damn hands once inside, yknow?

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

So even though this couple, who are illegally keeping a protected native species as a pet, were specifically told they can't make money off Molly the magpie anymore, here they are proudly announcing their animated series:

Yay! Let's keep monotising the bird we failed to rehabilitate and who inspires people to kidnap baby magpies and try to replicate the formula! Leading to dead or severely injured birds! Yay!

Lets see more about what this "magical" series is based on, shall we?

A poorly socialised Australia magpie that was stolen from his parents and now cannot leave because he gets attacked by other magpies. Australian magpies are intensely territorial and Molly has no flock - he was taken from a park away from where their home is. Of course, after this attack on him, there's no mention of taking him to the vet or anything?

But it's all about the ~relationship~ between Molly and the family dogs, right? Never mind these are backyard bred staffies that absolutely could kill this bird with one bite. No matter how "sweet" they may be.

These dogs consistently avoid Molly and do not want to engage in play with him. Which is fair enough since he regularly pecks them in the face and around the eyes and mouth. And tries to feed them bugs.

Yeah that looks like a safe and fun interaction, doesn't it? Tense body posture, whale eye, wrinkly whisker bed, teeth bared. And no, it's not play. There is no loose, wiggly play behaviour from these dogs. It's almost always stillness, avoidance and then defensive "bugger off" behaviour that looks like this.

It's not Molly's fault no one wants to play with him - it's his carers and the public and media that fell for their marketing of these interactions.

The general public doesn't know what stressed dog body language looks like so we get posts of very uncomfortable interactions with dumb boomer inspiration post language like "love exisits in the most unlikely places"

I don't think love looks like hard stares, ears pinned back, tense posturing and avoidance

They've also introduced their backyard bred puppy into the mix, which stress yawns multiple times while Molly plays with her feet...

And then Molly sticks his beak into her mouth...

Molly is desperately trying to seek out play and social interaction as an intensely social bird who should be living his best life in a bachelor flock rolling around in the grass with his buddies and roughhousing.

Instead he lives in confusing social limbo that is being marketed as "love transcending boundaries". These dogs want nothing to do with this bird and this bird is desperate for social interaction with someone who speaks his language.

Clearly his adoring "fans" didn't get the "love and peace" messaging very well because they're still sending death and rape threats to wildlife carers expressing very real and valid concerns for this bird's welfare.

Peggy and Molly fans are a bunch of idiot hypocrites who can't stand to lose their daily dopamine fix and have fallen for the story that they were fed while this couple profits off a protected species. A bird who they ripped away from any chance of a normal life and who continue to fight to keep their cash cow from the hands of expert wildlife rehabiliators.

This is not a fairytale story and the media has a lot to answer for in portraying this as such. This is a nightmare and the sooner this bird removed and given to qualified and experienced carers the better.

[puppys-tiny-space]

☕Different types of caregiver archetypes pt.1☕

🩹these are just some silly little concepts to enjoy, see yourself in or get more of an idea what kind of cg you are. You don't need to fit into any category to be valid as a carer.🩹

🍪cozy carer🍪

Comfy sweaters, yummy drinks and fluffy blankets. These types of carers are all cozy and soft, they probably love fall, chill music and Halloween! They tend to be sleepy and might even be a bit of a stoner. They most likely love to read and are creative in at least one medium. They migth even like to cook/bake. They probably won't be strict with their kiddos and use gentle parenting styles. Cozy movie evenings, long walks and baking dates are this cg's favorite and they love to surprise their kid with them.

🖍️artsy carer🖍️

These types of carers love crafting and painting with their kids. They are probably either very extroverted or really introverted and quiet. They tend to spoil their kid with art supplies and organize cute activity dates like painting together or making clothes for each other. They most likely have a folder full of their kids projects and treasure them like nothing else. Gifts for their kid are almost always homemade and they probably made them at least one paci. Pottery painting and museum dates are this cg's specialty and they love to plan them with their kid.

🍃stoner carer🍃

A chill type of carer that's all about self care. They probably smoke to help themselves regulate but never in front of their kid (unless they too use it to help them regress). If their kid also likes to smoke they probably teach them all about different strands of buds and most likely make them and their bub matching vapes or similar. This type of carer is probably very gentle to their kid and loves to make yummy snacks for them and their tiny. They probably have a huge collection of music and comfy clothes that they love to share with their bab. Nature walks, cooking and smokie dates are a go to for this carer.

🎃spooky carer🎃

This carer probably loves Halloween, alternative music and clothes and anything horror related. They probably love to prepare for Halloween with their kid, watch nightmare before Christmas and Wendell and wild. They probably love horror movies but if their kid wants to watch them together they always put their hand before kids eyes if it's too bloody and keep checking in to make sure their bab is okay while cuddling them. They probably love doing them and their kids makeup and like to play dress up together while listening to cool music on vinyl with their kiddo. Pumpkin patch and trick or treating dates are a must with this cg.

👑royal carer👑

This type of carer loves playing pretend with their kid and probably calls them their little prince/princess/royalty. They most likely love to have tea parties with their kiddo and stuffies and bought them and their kiddo at least one tiara/crown. They probably love to go on fun dates to museums, castles and botanical gardens to play fun games in. This type of carer tends to love history and teach their kid all about it. They probably also enjoy DND and/or larping and introduced their kid to it, or the other way around. They probably love to prepare for events together and make matching costumes.

🚀space carer🚀

This type of carer probably loves stars and space crafts, they are probably more introverted and quiet but open up once they get to talk about their passions. They love teaching their bub about space and to watch old sci-fi movies together. Star gazing and planetarium dates are a must do date with their tiny one. When it comes to their kid they are probably very caring and attentive, this type of carer probably loves to help their kid learn to regulate their emotions, especially with counting the names of stars.

🎮gamer carer🎮

This type of carer probably loves to game with their kid and enjoys introducing their bub to all sorts of new games and gadgets. They probably have a comfy place with blankets, a sitting pillow and plushies set up for their kid to hang out in while they game, maybe even under their gaming table. They probably play all sorts of multiplayer games with their kid, like Minecraft, it takes two or unravel. They migth call their tiny something like their player two. When it comes to pacis they most likely love to get their kid some themed around games they both enjoy and might even get a matching phone case or similar. This carer probably has the release of the bluey video game marked in their calendar. When it comes to dates they probably enjoy quiet game nights, trips to conventions or similar.

🩺disabled carer🩺

This carer will need more understanding at times and even when their disabilities stop them from doing certain things they will always do their best for their kid. This carer probably let their kid decorate their disabilities aids like a cane, headphones, their wheelchair or communication cards. They and their kid love planning activities together, making plans on how to deal with flare ups and similar when outside, researching whether the place they want to go to is accessible and planning what food to take along. This carer will always be understanding towards their tiny's struggles and be gentle with their parenting.

🌱nature carer🌱

This type of cg probably has a ton of plants and gives all of them their own names. They love to garden and teach their kid all about it while doing something good for the environment. They most likely love to dress in a cottagecore sort of style and enjoy collecting crystals and plushies. They like taking their kiddo to walks in the forests trips to the plant store and the botanical garden. They enjoy teaching their kid how to make flower crowns, bark boats and how to recycle things into fun clothes and trinkets. For nicknames they probably enjoy to call their baby things like bug, critter, little flower etc.

⚔️nerdy carer⚔️

Board games, magic the gathering, dnd, larping and renaissance fairs bring joy to this carer. They love telling their tiny about their latest interests to teach them all about it. Mini painting, dnd session and costume crafting dates are some of their favorite occasions, aside from conventions, late events and fairs of course. Their kid and them probably love to learn rules for games together, co-dm campaignes and maybe even come up with their own playing system. They probably love making pacis for their kid to match their newest costumes and hyper fixations. They might be neurodivergent and their kid as well. As a cg their parenting style is all based on letting their kid make their own experiences, supporting them in their creativity and helping them learn to regulate their emotions

🐾puppy carer🐾

This carer enjoys running and playing rough with their kid. They are probably very hyper and kind hearted and love being outside. They are a pretty chill carer who wants to be their bubs best friend. This carer loves physical affection and cuddles with their tiny critter. They carry teethers on themselves at all times, both for their kid and them. This carer probably makes or buys collars and ears to match with their kid. Park, walk and any active dates are most likely this cg's favorite.

Dad joke of the day: why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

[wlwcaregiver]

recent development!

// venting a little & its long

hi guys! i realized that i'm a flip and not just a carer :3 however, i don't typically feel good when i regress! it's almost always negative, at least it has been for the entirety of my life. i always cry and my whole body aches, i generally feel horrible and am non verbal most of the time unless i'm forced to talk to the people around me. sooo i will not be using this acc as a littlespace acc, it'll remain carer focused! i *might* make a secondary blog for that but im not sure yet and even that it'll be mostly upsetting posts anyway :/ bit its okay that's for a later date :P i'll be more active on twitter if u guys wanna connect on there :] and i'll make a littlespace acc on twt too

i just never realized or considered it regression because i've had to push my feelings down and be big anyway. my family and friends would be extremely unsupportive as i'm asian and lots of my family is very traditional and conservative in that sense :{ i've always had a longing to be held and to be babied. i never knew that it was regression because the fact that i'd never be able to have that never allowed me to feel those feelings, so i'd push them aside and just assume it was only being normally upset. i also don't think i'd be comfortable with a caregiver. im always yearning for a mama but i don't know if i'll feel safe/comfy with anyone yet :( i already find it difficult to accept it myself so it'll take some time probably.

also, im sure that some of you might not agree that the way i regress is valid. i get it but this is just the way that i cope! i've asked multiple people and they all confirm that it is regression no matter how different it is from how it normally seems. i'm just really glad that i've figured this out about myself :]

i'm still gonna be a full-time carer on this blog and i will never stop being here for you all! love u guys so so much <3 u truly mean the world to me because all of u are so relentlessly sweet :(

[thehypnone]

Sundown: Chapter 2

WC: 1,3k

Relationship: Pre-relationship SwissAlps

Tags: Transfeminine Mountain, AU; Cowboy!Swiss x Barmaid!Mountain, Fluff, Dancing, First Kiss

Swiss is smitten. He realized it around ten minutes after Mounty left him in his room that first day.

Read chapter 1 here or on AO3.

Read chapter 2 under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss is smitten.

He realized it around ten minutes after Mounty left him in his room that first day.

He is fucked.

That first day was over a month ago and he doubts he’s ever willingly stayed at one place for so long. His…arrangement with Mounty was working, though, he was helping whenever, wherever and however he could and in turn his horse was getting food and water and he got to sleep in a nice bed. But most importantly he got to spend time with her.

He wasn’t complaining; far from it.

In the last weeks he’s met a few more people somewhat similar to the barmaid. His brain is a little slow, taking in how people can be so different, so unique, but he’s doing his best and his…friends—he thinks he can call them that—are understanding and happy to spend time with him, too. That’s not something Swiss is used to.

They have a little team now—he, Mounty, and a cute throuple that the barmaid introduced him to a few days into his stay; Dewdrop, Rain, and Phantom. They are more or less around Swiss’ and Mounty’s ages, and they live together in one of the brighter, more lively houses in the little town.

Phantom’s somewhat of a local doctor—having taken over his older brother when he left to get better education out in the world. Mounty sometimes helps them by making special herbal teas for their patients. As Swiss learned, Phantom is non-binary, which…confused the man at first, but he thinks he gets it now. They are neither a boy, nor a girl, and that’s easy enough to grasp now.

Dewdrop is a resident horse-carer. He’s a stable boy, veterinarian, farrier, and a cowboy all at once. Anything related to horses—it’s Dewdrop’s job. He’s also like Mounty, but the other way around (as Swiss is explaining to himself).

Rain, on the other hand, is like Swiss. He’s just…the default, in terms of gender. His job in the town is a cook in a pub next to Mounty’s saloon. That’s why it was Rain who Swiss met first—he just came over for a drink after work one evening.

They all liked each other and Swiss was truly happy spending his time with the four of them. He never had friends, not anyone he could just…be with.

He still didn’t tell any of them who he really is, though, or rather who he’s known as. Not because he doesn’t trust them—he’s surprised to find that he actually does trust them already—but because he’s worried that they’d stop looking at him like they do now. That it would be them losing trust in him.

Swiss hopes it will come to sharing his story, but not yet.

He doesn’t want to or need to worry about that now. He rests against the bar—in the very same place that he ended up the first day—and sips on his whiskey. Neat, of course.

There’s a small party in the saloon—the occasion is unknown to Swiss, but he enjoys the atmosphere. It’s a small crowd in there, but it’s not crowded enough for Mounty to be working her ass off. Swiss is eternally grateful for that, for being allowed the sight of her smiling brightly and loudly laughing and dancing alone without a care in the world.

Part of that would change if only the man wasn't such a cunt.

There’s nothing he wants more in the moment than to get off of the squeaky stool, walk over to the empty-ish space where Mounty’s swaying to the music, grab her and twist her in his arms and lean down and–

He takes a sip of his whiskey.

Swiss stares at her for a while, barely blinking. He’s only snapped out of his trance by Phantom padding over to him and draping themself over his back, their chin hooked over his shoulder. “Whatcha sulking over?”

“What? Oh, no, nothing. I’m just tired.” he shrugs and smiles. He is a bit tired, he was cleaning the stables earlier, so it’s a valid excuse.

Phantom isn’t having any of it, though. They’re more than a little bit tipsy and they scoff at his lie, “Nuh-uh! You’re yearning.”

“I–” Swiss hesitates at being so bluntly called out. He sighs, “Yeah, I guess I am.”

The other sits on a free stool next to him, effectively blocking the view of the dancing barmaid as they hover their face mere inches from his and stare into his eyes. It’s just a little bit unsettling.

“What…?”

“Why are you just sittin’ here and being a little bitch?” Phantom asks and Swiss nearly chokes on his drink. “You ain’t a little bitch, do something!”

“Tommy, I don’t–I don’t know if I can,” he chuckles sadly at himself. Pathetic. “She’s just…fuck, she’s perfect and I’m…I don’t know, but I’m nowhere there, ya know?”

“Bullshit,” Phantom sing-songs. They spit on him a little as they do. “I’ve known Mounty for a few years now and I’ve never seen her like that, she’s the happiest she’s ever been, man! Ask Dew, he’s known her for a decade, he’ll tell you the same. Just go for it, what do you have to lose?”

Swiss thinks about it. Phantom is somewhat right, Mounty seems to be happy, but he doesn’t have much comparison. And what does he have to lose? Well…not much, truth be told.

The man shakes his head, takes a big sip of whiskey and pushes Phantom back to stand up.

“Go get her, cowboy!” they call out after him.

The saloon isn’t big enough for the crossing from the bar to the dancefloor to be long, but Swiss still starts to sweat on his way. What is going on with him!? His eyes are fixed on how Mounty’s hair reflects the light and how her eyes glint and how her skirt spins as she twists.

Swiss has to shake himself out of it to not make even a bigger fool out of himself. He saunters up to her—plastering his signature grin onto his face—and reaches out to brush his fingertips against the flowy fabric of her dress. She stops her spinning and the sudden halt makes her stumble over her feet and fall right into Swiss’ arms.

“Careful, sweetheart,” he chuckles, looking deep into her fresh-grass-green eyes. Both of them blush as Mounty straightens up, but Swiss doesn’t let go of her waist. There’s a question in his eyes and as he puts his other hand in front of the barmaid in an invitation, she takes it without hesitation.

Swiss smiles so hard it hurts as they start to dance.

They don’t talk, but they don’t need to—their shared movement is enough. They laugh and spin and laugh and twist and they’re both the happiest they’ve been in a while, even if the other isn’t quite aware of that.

Swiss is worried about the song coming to an end, not knowing what Mounty will do—not knowing what he will do—but all that is forgotten when the barmaid presses her chest against his and smiles even wider than she already was. The man’s chest hurts and his heart pounds as he makes a very impulsive decision that can very well get him kicked out of there.

He tightens his hold on her and bends her whole body backwards as he kisses her with all the emotions that have been bottling inside of him for weeks. Mounty doesn’t flinch and doesn’t pull back—just clings to his arms and kisses him back.

Somewhere behind them Swiss hears clapping and a whistle that sounds suspiciously like Phantom’s.

.

.

.

Mountain and Swiss by Nono!!!

[edge-oftheworld]

saw a post on parenting adhd kids and how if you're the kind of parent whose preconceived notions of parenting and lifestyle vs stress tolerance ratio is such that you get really annoyed whenever your child is hyperactive, suppressing those emotions isn't gonna help you radically accept your child and raise them to feel as if the way they are isn't wrong. sometimes you need to vent in a trusted private space (preferably with a therapist) in order to prevent the resentment from building and work through the emotion to uncover and nourish the love you have for your child.

and I feel like this fandom (on the other app, the one the band members will see, not this one) notorious for complaining about everything and criticising everything and rarely showing kindness are kind of the same as emotionally repressed adhd parents (many of whom were our own parents). there's a certain intersection of neurodivergence and mental illness where the closest thing to meeting our lifetimes of unmet needs is a song or a show from an artist we're attached to as a person, and we start to view them as a sort of pseudo carer from a distance, who will validate our emotions (through their discography and statements) and hear and cater to our sensory preferences. unfortunately, obviously, this is something that's physically impossible for them to do.

just like most adhd parents are unrecognised neurodivergent (and going through life on Hard Mode because of it, in need of help and less stress) I really do think the fans who are being the most ableist are the ones who need the world to be less ableist to them the most. but just like our parents who instilled a feeling of shame in us that takes a lifetime to untangle, there's no excuse. there's a boundary and they're the ones crossing it: they should do better. I sometimes say artists are healthcare workers. but comprehensive health care (or in this case, community mental health care) needs a team and if you try and get everything from only one part of that team, you're going to get disappointed and end up resentful of them when they can't do everything to help you get better. and if they don't realise they're meant to be part of a team, it's going to feel demoralising to them. anyone who is constantly criticised is going to start feeling like they're not enough. I worry sometimes, when I see this cycle of retraumatisation play out. I get disappointed in society. and so I need us to do this together. complain and vent, but do it on fucking discord or MAYBE tumblr or preferably in private chats. then, like an adhd parent, you work through that emotion and uncover and nurture the love you have for the artist--not as someone who is going to solve your problems but who is going through it with you. you're all going to be okay.

[zyrxs-circus]

Caregiver Tips: how to take care of an atypical regressor

Know what they need And what's the best way to find out? Asking them. What things do they like doing when they're little? What things make them feel bad? What would they like you to do? Some atypical regressors hate being reminded of how they're not their usual age, while some love it when you treat them like a little kid. Communicate with your little, and I assure you they'll be a lot happier.

What makes them atypical? Is it the age they regress to? Do they behave differently than most other regressors? Do they hate regressing? Do they not stand when people patronize them? Do they simply not like cutesy stuff? Depending on what it is, your little will need a different treatment. Talk to them, spend time with them, and see what makes them feel best.

Ask their boundaries What petnames can you call them? Do they want you to treat them like a baby, or like you do normally? Do they need strict rules, or they'd rather have more freedom? If you can, ask them this when they're big, just in case any question you make upsets them.

Make some rules Based on their boundaries and little age, they'll need different rules. Do Not use what typical caregivers use, because it'll likely be different. For example, when I'm little my cgs let me watch any horror movie, as long as it's not +18; this isn't because they're bad carers, but because I like horror and can handle it just fine even when little (although, I usually just watch Paw Patrol...XD). If your little likes something most other kids don't, and they won't get hurt by it, I say go ahead and let them do it! If you're concerned for their safety, you can be with them while they do. (Extra tip: if your little likes cursing, let them curse! It'll be worse to upset them by scolding them when they do (unless it makes You uncomfy ofc))

Reassure them Many atypical littles feel invalid, and really out of place in the agere community. You need to remind them how being different doesn't mean they're doing something wrong, and how you love them just the way they are. No matter what they like, how they talk, if their regressions helps them or triggers them...all littles are valid. No matter what<3

[nijigasakilove]

Another incredible episode man it’s a shame this show is so underrated. Legitimately one of the best seasonal isekai ever. The emphasis on substance and good storytelling over jokes or cringe fanservice is so appreciated. I’ve been made emotional on several occasions throughout this cour and today the dam broke and tears flowed. Incredibly beautiful episode.

I figured Yuriko and Wolff story would be sad, but it was way more heartbreaking than I could’ve ever imagined. Yuriko’s life on earth was hell and her parents are all to blame. She was a kid, she deserved to have her own childhood and live her own life, not be a 24/7 carer for her sister. I understand having her help out around the house or help out with her sister when the nurse leave or something, but expecting a kid to handle all that responsibility is horrible parenting and the insecurities and mental issues Yuriko experienced were all on her parents. When the dad slapped her after she went out to buy the ribbon I got so mad.

Then she gets a chance to be a normal girl her age for once in this other world, falls in love with Wolff and bam here go her sister again taking all the praise and attention. She’s totally valid for going to the dark side in my opinion. When you keep pushing someone into a corner eventually they have to come out. I know Wolff didn’t have any bad intentions, but as a result of his actions he pushed her over the edge. I know she had a crush on him, but I feel like it was one of those things that just developed because Wolff was the first person to show her any actual attention and act like she was special

It’s cool how the fallen angels’ abilities all relate to their personality. So Yuriko whole thing was about missing out on her youth because she was caring for her sister, so her power takes away people’s youth. The reveal that the old lady was the younger sister was so well done I never would’ve got that. Also heartbreaking to think Hikari killed herself after she found out about her sister death to be with her again.. the parents didn’t even look phased with Yuriko died either.. horrible people.

Sensei sending them back home together was truly the best possible ending for them and I just want them to be happy, they deserve it.

[aw-tysm]

Love getting told "you should really try to learn to be more independent bcus your parents won't always be there to help you".

For starters, I know.

Secondly, that's literally what carers are for my guys.

Thirdly, the process to getting disability support can be long and difficult. And sometimes not possible for everyone bcus the government sucks eggs.

If all you have in the meantime is family or friends, that's valid. Getting the support you need can be very difficult but using the support you currently have shouldn't be frowned upon bcus it "might disappear".

[waxdream]

I think in this world, acknowledged and unacknowledged traumas are a key way of dividing us. Someone with a debilitating fear of spiders for example, is going to be dismissed as childish by at least a portion of society, even if their phobia forces them to stay inside, hyperfixated on erradicating all spiders in their space. And yknow, that person may not be depressed, they may not have anything else other than their phobia, but their phobia is disabling. And they go online and see people validating those with disabling depression, and I just think that when something engulfs your life so largely, it's hard not to take that as 'the world doesn't care about my phobia. They just care about depression'.

I've battled with this feeling a lot thoughout my life. I've thought 'noone cares about adoptees', and I just didn't understand why. I remember my school doing an assembly on Autism, and all I could think of was 'well, there's more adopted people than there are autistic people, why aren't we doing that assembly?!' . I tried to make that assembly happen, and was told no because the school had an adoptee who didn't know they were an adoptee. Fucking disgusting behaviour, imo, limiting the education of an entire school because some adoptive parents didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation. I could have done some good there, I could have taught people what the school refused to teach. The only mention I ever heard of adoption in that school was in health class, where they said 'some people in the UK choose to put their children up for adoption. This is very uncommon'. I felt gross hearing that. That school spent hour long lessons on how to clean your teeth, yet can't even acknowledge that adoptees grow up and sit in your classroom.

It's a kind of outrage you feel, like you're being snubbed in favour of another cause. It's jealousy - I know I feel jealous of people with traumas that are talked about, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Jealousy is only ugly when you act on it. Feeling it means you're human. But in the real world, I gotta know that it's not the fault of other communities, it's noone's fault other than a society that likes to sweep adoption under the rug.

Recently I feel like the transracial adoptee movement has hit the mainstream, and I see people talking about it as if interracial adoptees don't exist. So I'm going to say that I think being adopted by someone who is the same race as you is an unacknowledged trauma. I think people dismiss our adoptions and pretend we look like our adoptive families. I think our adoptive families get away with pretending we are birth children, which lets our history fester in it's wake. I think not being told about our adoptions is a disgusting thing, and it happens because adoptive parents think 'oh, we can get away with not telling our kid they're adopted, they won't guess otherwise'. I think that even adoptees who aren't told about their adoption are adoptees, and I know they feel the same level of pain as I do. I think interracial adoptees are commercialised and objectified.

I think 'matching a child to the adoptive parent' is not always in the childs best interest. I was put in fostercare at 2 weeks old, and I stayed in it for 2 years because the UK system didn't want my foster carers to adopt me. They wanted to 'match' me to someone else. My parents were considered too old, this being part of the same ruleset that prevented transracial adoption in the UK in the early 2000s. I was desireable as a newborn. People want to adopt newborns. I think if they succeeded in taking me away from my adoptive parents, I would have been trapped in the fostercare system - two year olds are less desireable after all. I have trauma from feeling objectified because of this knowledge. I think anyone would, if they know money was spent, lots of money in court fees and all that, to take me specifically away from my family. And that's a trauma created by the idea that 'every adoption should be a perfect match'. That's why I think the adoptee community needs to come together as adoptees and be a group of it's own, because otherwise we create an artificial divide of people. I think 'adoption should be a perfect match' as an ideology is unrealistic. Sometimes it's just as important that a baby stay with their first match for example, to prevent further trauma. The UK adoption system almost bankrupted a working class family of fostercarers because they felt that it was more important for my adoptive parents to be a young, rich couple. A family of fostercarers who dared to do exactly what a fostercarers is meant to do - love their child unconditionally, to the point that they wanted to stop fostercaring and adopt me. And even though my folks are older, and don't understand autism or any of the stuff that makes me different from them, I still think this is the perfect place for me.

So yknow, I have different experiences to a transracial adoptee. I think mine are less blatantly obvious, because racism is pervasive in this world and disgusting. It makes sense to me why the plight of transracial adoptees is so loud and important. Hell, even your word is being stolen by the 'trans race' community that's trying to essentially cosplay as other races. I also think the adoptee community should be more united - and we should listen to each other, and work as a team. Because Jealousy is a human emotion, I think we're all projecting and feeling jealous of each other, when in reality, we're all jealous of folks who aren't adopted. And that's okay friend. Jealousy is okay. Taking actions based on jealousy isn't, but the feeling? It's okay. I'm jealous of folks who have something they can point to and say 'that's the root of all my problems', because I don't think I have that. Doesn't mean I'm gonna be a dick about it, and it also doesn't mean my feelings reflect reality. Just like how the idealised idea of interracial adoption doesn't reflect reality. It's two different sides of the same coin, like many things in the adoption world. I think the true path to change is changing the views and mentality of those who aren't adopted. Because they just. Don't. Get. It.

[eightfifteen]

I resent the notion that Mike as a character will be ruined if he doesn't return Will's feelings.

Mike does have his own arc outside of Will and outside of his romantic interests.

In season 1, he's the Dungeon Master. He directs the party and takes on the main carer role for El. People listen to him and his ideas, he's being heard.

Then in s2, he loses himself. The party gets louder, he gets quieter, and he feels like he's speaking into thin air for 353 days (not knowing El is listening on the other side). It's also why he gets so upset at the party for inviting Max without taking his opinion into consideration. He gets better once Will needs him and he can be there for him, when Will opens up to him and he realizes that he can help, that he can listen and be important in that way.

Just as importantly, when he's teamed up with Joyce and Hopper in that season, two adults, they still take his opinion in consideration. They take him seriously. They listen to him still, and he once again finds himself. He gets to contribute ideas - he tries to warn them Will's plan was a trap, Joyce listens to him when he tells her to sedate Will, and he's the one that came up with the idea of going into the tunnels. He finds his role again.

Then in season 3, he knows now that life goes on and he has to go along with it. Except, when shit starts going down again, they pair up with Nancy, and suddenly no one listens to him anymore. Nancy takes charge, leaving him literally in the backseat. and every valid concern he has gets bulldozed and pushed to the side, literally ignored to talk about something that doesn't even matter ("El broke up with you???"). He literally just becomes Supergirl's boyfriend.

Mike lost pieces of himself that summer. First when he realized he'd been pushing his friends away trying to be normal, then when he loses his leading role and becomes insignificant to the party, and eventually he literally loses both Will and El.

He had to literally build himself back up when he went to High School, starting with the hellfire club where he found joy in simply being a paladin again, just a member of the party instead of team leader. He gets to be a kid again, not just someone's boyfriend and not someone who has to shepherd his friends through the apocalypse. He gets to figure out who he is without El, without Will, and even without the party.

Yet once he's in California, he's once again faced with the fact he is just someone's boyfriend and that despite his best efforts, he's fucking it up. And he's doing it wrong and he's not being heard and worse, maybe, because now no one is even telling him things anymore. Now he's being kept out of the loop, clueless and oblivious because they don't trust him enough to tell him things. El doesn't even rely on him for comfort. And maybe, now he's realized who he is as a person, he's realizing he might not want to be El's boyfriend at all.

But at least when he promised El everything would be okay, he did manage to get her back. He finally got the take charge again and his plan worked. People are finally listening to him again.

So "you're the heart" does have meaning outside of both m*leven and Byler. It is Mike realizing he has to take up this leading role again despite currently having very complicated feelings about the position - because on one hand it's a serious burden, especially when they fail and the responsibility is on him, and no one listens to him anyway, but on the other hand, he wants people to hear him again and feel like he has purpose within the party.

This whole theme of not being heard and listened to is also reflected by his family dynamic - where all his concerns get consistently brushed aside by his parents, all the way from season 1 until now. At first, he fights back against it, trying to be loud and get through to his parents, because the party listens to him and they take him serious. But then slowly, bit by bit, he stops caring about getting through to his parents, because the party doesn't listen to him anymore anyway so maybe he should just shut up.

(((and yes through it all, there's only one person that never ignores Mike. One person that always hears him, even when Mike doesn't even speak. One person to whom Mike will never be invisible and who will always need Mike's guidance and protection. Who takes Mike's opinion seriously.)))

I really hope season 5 delves deeper into Mike as a leader, the paladin, to really round out his character arc to the point that even the GA can finally understand him better again. He deserves the spotlight for once. I'm sick of people trashing on his character.

[lisaloutwo]

Feed and breed is nice but what if I just wanted to he your cute carer and feeder who helps you w being immobile and plays games w you 🥹

I’m a kinky lady with an open mind, so yes, this is cute and valid, but I need someone who can do it all, because I want it all. I need something sweet, sour, AND spicy, ya know?

[puppys-tiny-space]

🩹This is a post for all caregivers. Never forget how special , important or how beautiful you are. This community often forgets about us and that can be frustrating but you deserve the world. You do so much and help so many people grow, even if you don't take care of a regressor or don't want to! You are valid, your carer space is beautiful and so are you. Don't forget about doing some self care today, drink some water, take a bath, go for a walk or make your favorite food, you got this!🩹

Fun fact of the day: the world's oldest wooden wheel has been around for more then 5,000 years. It was found in 2002 near the capital of Slovenia and the wheel is estimated to between 5,100 years and 5,350 years old.

[wadesprincessboy]

On the last day of pride month 2024 i would like to give some shout outs to some underrepresented yet very important parts of our community.

[warning, long text post under cut]

-intersex folks

-xenogender and xenopronoun users/identifiers

-those with conflicting identities (hello from a butchtwink thing!!!)

-aro and ace spec people (not aromantic/asexual in this case, i mean those who are, for example, greysexual, arospike, etc etc)

-non dysphoric trans folk

-trans folk who didnt figure it out until late in life (think late 30s onwards)

-otherwise queer folk who didn't figure it out until late in life

-intersex people who were coercively assigned a binary sex (im sorry and i hope youre doing well today)

-intersex people who found out late in life

-trans women taking T

-trans men taking E

-trans people who do not wish to medically transition

-trans men with bottom surgery and not top surgery

-trans men with bottom surgery in general (literally why does no one talk about phallo/metoidioplasty?)

-transwomen who have not had/do not want to have bottom surgery

-kinky queers

-vanilla queers

-elder queers (thank you for your service, we love you!)

-system queers (DID/OSDD, etc)

-high support needs/levels disabled and/or neurodivergent queers

-queers with carers!

-bisexual people with cishet partners

-young queers (im talking under 12, and yes, they exist, i was one once upon a time)

-queer therians, furries, kemonomimi etc

-queers with intellectual disabilities

-queers with down syndrome specifically (ive seen a lot of hate towards this part of our community, and I want you all to know that you are valid and loved and an important part of our community)

-queers who are unhoused

-queer sex workers (shout out to my mum 🫡)

-questioning people

-straight queer people (aspec, transhet, intersex hets, etc)

-system alters who are cishet, but have fellow alters that are LGBTQ+, and/or have a body that does not match their gender

-queer people in unsafe countries

-queer Palestinians (you are loved, and I pray for you to be safe and free in your native homeland, do not let anyone say your queer freedom must come at the price of your ethnic freedom.)

-queer religious people (especially those whos faith condemns homosexuality, and those who remain celibate for their faith. You are valid and loved. Your God(s) love you dearly and applaud your strength. I pray for you to be free from any struggles you face because of your faith/queerness)

-the queer elders we have lost to HIV/AIDS

-the queers we have lost to depression, caused by the prejudice we all face (especially elders and those in unsafe homes/countries)

-queers we have lost due to other causes (may all of the queers we have lost rest in peace, and may their memories continue to be a blessing. You will not ever be forgotten.)

-Indigenous and Black queers

-queers who are living in poverty

-queers who face prejudice from other queers

-LGBTQ+ people who do not wish to be referred to as queer

-Butches, studs, and bears, especially those of colour

-drag queens who are women

-drag kings who are men

-drag royalty in general tbh

-queer people who cannot and/or do not wish to come out

-anyone who falls into the + in LGBTQ+

-and so so many others, I have more to say but this post will continue on for centuries if I dont stop somewhere. This is not in any particular order btw! I wrote it off the top of my head and thought of people/groups as I went.

To all of the people listed above, and to those not listed, I love you. The community loves you. You are not alone. You are an important and valid part of our community and we could not be here without you. Thank you for being you and continue to live your truth and be wonderful. Much love.

[try-and-try-and-try-again]

This is really random but I feel like I want to get it out and I don’t know where/who to so I’m getting it out here.

I am quite upset by my dad at the moment. In many ways he is wonderful. He supports me so much, more than he should have to. I feel bad that soon after he retired he basically ended up dropping his retirement plans and becoming my almost full-time carer but he has never complained and in fact continues to say he is proud of me and does so much.

However some of his views really bother me.

1. On Palestine - every time anyone mentions the atrocities going on he says everyone’s oversimplifying things. That Israel are not acting unacceptably, they are retaliating and defending themselves from Hamas. That Palestine started it etc. As if it makes what they seem to be doing less atrocious. I never know how to respond to him. He just insists everyone else is wrong.

2. On Covid vaccines - he attributes almost every death that happens at the moment to complications of the Covid vaccines (and says this is being covered up on purpose). He says it must be the case because people have died from blood clots etc. following vaccination but I feel like he is cherry picking data. He says they should never have been rolled out, the pandemic was an exercise in controlling people and making the vaccine/pharmaceutical industry large profits. Yes, governments did act questionably and wealthy people made a disgusting amount of money from the situation but to say that’s what the pandemic was all about when so many people died of Covid, especially at the beginning and everyone was so terrified… I feel like he is missing something. (Also he joined a rather sketchy seeming website called ‘Lockdown Sceptics’ which seemed to be used by lots of questionable figures).

3. Climate change - he says climate scientists are spreading panic, also humans can’t possibly be expected to drastically change their lifestyles, it isn’t fair so we should carry on business as usual. When I looked round environmental science departments at universities he’d try to pick arguments with climate scientists (when he has a college qualification in horticulture). When he was younger he used to be in Friends of the Earth. Now this.

4. Trans issues - he says it’s good that waiting lists for GICs are stupidly stupidly long and it’s really hard to access them because gender affirming care is not to be taken lightly and people are just confused about themselves and should be forced to take time to make decisions (but 7+ years for an initial consultation to just discuss things? Really? And what about all the time before asking to go to a GIC?). He says the Cass report does have validity. He says the new rules about no gender neutral bathrooms in new buildings and segregating trans people in hospitals are not unreasonable. (He also recently changed his mind about accepting my coming out as non-binary which kind of hurts).

5. Science - he says science in general, and particularly the medical field, is not trustworthy. That it is all funded and influenced by the government and Big Pharma and other corrupt corporations even if no conflicting interests are declared so no research is reliable. And he says “science isn’t about facts, it’s about debate” and that no one is letting things be debated. He is not a scientist. Why is he so sure he can claim this? He preached the words of YouTube ‘experts’ who make claims about things in fields they are not qualified in and YouTube doctors who say mainstream medicine is completely wrong and give diet and lifestyle advice etc. that personally I find quite unsettling. He says ‘well x says the data actually shows this’ and I say ‘have you actually looked at this data yourself?’. He says ‘no’ - he just blindly trusts these YouTube ‘experts’ opinions.

He is 76. And spends entire days trawling through Google on his laptop. I don’t know if that is worth mentioning. I don’t know, so many of his views sit uncomfortably with me and I just don’t know what to do or what to say to him. And he upsets my sister too because of some of these things so maybe it’s not just me being overly sensitive and wrong.