#all I do know is that I'm gonna have a nurse come over in 6 months to do a progress check

[xwindboundxmagic]

I'm finally home and I felt like I learned nothing

[sacklerscumrag]

Metalhead Next Door

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Notes: hello :) i got the sudden urge to write for eddie munson today for some reason lol

i'm apologizing in advance for how bad it probably is. please keep in mind that i havent written anything in a long time, let alone for eddie

but if you do read it for whatever reason, thank you i love you im giving you a big kiss rn <3

Warnings: neighbors to lovers, jealous!reader, pining, oral sex (f receiving)

Word Count: 1.4K

A loud rumble from a run-down truck rang outside your trailer window, jolting you from sleep. The book you abandoned some hours ago slid off your chest as you sat on the bed to peek outside. Snow continued to fall and hardened on the window sill from earlier that morning, each flake a silent whisper against the palm of your hand as you held it out in the icy air. Metal music blared through the familiar window across from yours, drawing your attention toward the warm glow coming from inside. An overpowering scent of weed lingered between the two trailers—something you'd found comfort in within the last couple of months of living next door to the Munsons. Of course, you'd heard the rumors where Eddie was concerned, and you'd have to be blind not to see how people treated him around here. Everyone ignored him, wrote him off as a freak while telling the tale of the long-haired devil-worshiping drug dealer to anyone who would listen. But after almost a year of living next to Eddie, you realized that couldn't be further from the truth.

The first night, Eddie crept up on your front porch when you weren't looking, making himself comfortable on the wooden staircase, offering whatever joint he was nursing—all leather jacket and wild hair with a grin that could warm you to your core if you let yourself admire him for a little too long. Since then, you'd meet Eddie outside once everyone had gone to bed and let his wild D&D stories carry you through the night. The world around you seemed to soften around Eddie, swallowed up by the relentless comfort of his presence. Even when he was gone, one last tiny blaze of warmth and light continuously flickered in your chest for him.

The night air was crisp, making you cling to your blanket that much tighter as you curled up in bed. You nearly jumped when you heard a thump against your bedroom window, a snowball crumbling as another landed against the window pane.

"You're not gonna make me wait out here until I freeze, are you?" Eddie's voice trickled in from outside, making you smile before quickly opening the window and letting him climb in. "It's fucking freezing out there. Hey, sweetheart." Your heart warmed at the nickname as he brushed past you, flopped down on your mattress, and picked up your abandoned book. His hair looked like he'd run his hand through it far too many times today; the snow still crunched as he crossed one boot over another as scattered icicles clung to his jacket's leather and denim patches.

"Well, it's no D&D book, but-." Eddie teased before you cut him off by snatching the book, placing it on your bedside table, and settling beside him. He smirked, clearly pleased with himself for getting to you so quickly.

"So what's new with you, Munson?" You said as you sank next to him, sneaking glances whenever he wasn't looking.

"Same shit, different day. I learned a new Metallica song last week, gonna play it at our gig."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll play it for you sometime." You smiled at that. "Oh shit, I was supposed to call Dustin." Eddie dramatically sat up on your bed and sighed.

"Dustin? Was it important?"

"Yeah, sort of; he's been trying to set me up with this girl. Or was it Steve setting me up? All I know is I went out with her last week, and now I gotta be at Family Video tomorrow at 6 to pick out a movie for whatever the fuck a double date movie night is." Your heart sank. Eddie was being set up; he was dating someone. And it wasn't you. Figures. He would never see you as more than a friend; all you ever did was hang out and talk about D&D; he could do that with any of his other friends. This shouldn't surprise you, but that didn't make it sting any less than it did.

"Hey, you okay?" Eddie noticed your silence amidst his rambling. You were seemingly lost in your thoughts as you toyed with your fingers. Something had shifted; your warm presence from just a minute ago felt frigid and distant.

"Yeah." You wiped the tears welling in your eyes and stood from the bed, suddenly needing to put as much distance between you as possible. "Just tired, I'm just gonna go to bed." The mere thought of Eddie snuggling up on a couch with some girl made your chest feel like it would cave in any second. You quickly turned toward your window to open it, unable to face him without fear of bursting into tears.

"Sweetheart, if I did something to piss you off, I'm sorry."

"You didn't just please…I want to go to bed." Your tone was firmer than Eddie had ever heard from you. He should go, head out through the window, and call it a night. But he couldn't. "Please." Your voice slightly cracked, and with it, a piece of Eddie's heart at the realization. When you managed to turn around, his chest was inches from your face, tenderness filling those big, brown, beautiful eyes darting back at you. His ring-clad hand cupped your cheek, skimming over your skin delicately like you would break under his touch.

Before you knew it, your mouth was on his. Your arms around his neck; he tasted like cigarettes and mint from the gum he anxiously chewed before you came in. It was intoxicating. Chills spread across your skin when his hands slid across your waist, pressing you closer to him. It didn't take long for Eddie's need for you to become apparent with feverish hands pushing you back until the desk bumped against your ass; Eddie tapped your thigh to signal you to sit on the hard surface, standing in between your legs and trailing his lips down to your neck and chest. Your hands tangled in his curls, breathing in as much of him as possible before he pulled away slightly.

"Eddie." You paused, studying his face for a moment; face flushed, hair tussled, and lips swollen and pink from your own; he was perfect. "I'm sorry. I should've told you how I felt, I-. Eddie's lips interrupted you with a searing but brief kiss as he spoke against your lips.

"Don't you dare apologize. I've been waiting so fucking long for this." A smile spread across your face, and relief flooded your chest. You tugged on his vest to draw him back to your lips as his hands began to knead your thighs, core clenching at the feeling. Whimpers escaped you from just his lips on your skin. His mouth worked its way along your neck, lifting your shirt and continuing to work his way down until he was kneeling before you.

"Can I?" You nodded as Eddie's ring-clad fingers hooked onto your shorts, pulling them off and discarding them on the floor along with your underwear. He hooked one leg over his shoulder and kissed the delicate skin of your inner thigh. "God, you have no idea how bad I've needed to taste you." Your breath hitched when you felt his tongue begin expertly working along your folds, then back toward your clit. It wasn't long before he slipped a finger inside you, then another. The chill of his rings pressing on your most sensitive spots as he plunged them in and out of you had you arching your back and squeezing your thighs tighter around Eddie. Your chest heaved; every whimper and moan that escaped was like music to his ears. Eddie consumed you like a man starved; it was like the more pleasure he drew from you, the more he wanted. He couldn't get enough. He teased your clit between his lips and began to suck hard. Eddie's movements were relentless. Your eyes screwed shut, and your core tightened until it snapped. Eddie's hand dug into the flesh of your hips to hold you in place as you squirmed against him until you were practically pushing him away. He could see the blissed look on your face as he stood and wrapped your legs around his waist, carrying you over to bed. Once you were settled, Eddie stepped toward the still-open window.

"Don't go," you whispered; a pang of fear hit you. Eddie smirked to himself before shutting the window securely, throwing his jacket on your nightstand, and crawling in beside you.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." He placed a kiss on your forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Hi!!! I love your Amelia and Emily fics so much, I’ve basically binged them 😂 I was wondering if I could request an Amelia x reader fic where maybe reader is like 6 months pregnant with her and Amelia’s first child and has a bad history with her dad and her dad comes into the hospital with his new wife and her kid and it just stirs bad feelings for reader and Amelia comforts her? Maybe autistic reader? Thank you so much!

Thank you so much! 💕 I'm so, so glad you enjoy them! Also, thanks especially for an autistic!reader request, they're some of my favorites to write! Hope you enjoy! – illdowhatiwantthanks

The R Word

Amelia Shepherd x fem!autistic!reader Warnings: autism struggles, ableism, use of ableist slurs, overstimulation (the autism kind, not the sex kind), explicit language, pregnancy times (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: It's a typical day working with a child in the ER when your estranged father shows up and makes you feel just as small and stupid and alien as he did when you were growing up. Amelia is there to comfort you and remind you of who you really are.

“No, Mommy!” the little girl wailed as she writhed on the hospital bed. “I want to go home!”

Her mom looked at you apologetically as she tried to soothe her child. You needed to get her vitals. Based on the mom’s description, you also probably needed to get IV fluids and an antiemetic in her. But you knew that wasn’t going to happen while the kid felt scared and overwhelmed. This wasn’t your first rodeo with kids in the ER. In fact, the other ER nurses often called you over when kids were difficult to work with. They called you the “bad kid whisperer.”

You knew better. They weren’t bad kids. They were usually just scared. There was a lot to be scared of at a hospital. And you were good with them because you understood better than most what it was like for your body and brain to feel so overwhelmed that you could no longer regulate your emotions. Being autistic was hard sometimes, it made you stand out, but this was a place where it made you stand out in a good way.

You lifted your hands to show the little girl that you were setting down all your medical instruments.

“It’s okay,” you said quietly, pulling the curtain closed around the bed. Sometimes making the space smaller helped. You bent down to her height, careful to keep your distance and not to touch her.

“I’m Y/N,” you said. “What’s your name?”

The girl didn’t answer, shaking as she sobbed.

You nodded. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. Do you feel like you can’t breathe or anything?”

The girl shook her head.

“Good. Then all this other stuff can wait, okay? I’m not gonna touch you. No needles, no thermometer, no heartbeat or anything until you feel a little calmer. We can wait.”

She seemed to calm down a bit when she realized you weren’t going to make her do anything, her sobs subsiding to the occasionally aggressive sniffle.

“Here,” you offered, pulling a tiny tech deck skateboard out of the pocket of your scrubs. “Sometimes when I’m scared or nervous, having something to do with my hands makes me feel better.” You rolled the skateboard toward her, and she started running it across the rails of the hospital bed, her breathing starting to calm.

“Better?” you asked.

She nodded.

You started taking her vitals and continued the conversation. “You think you can tell me your name now?”

“Maddy,” she whispered.

You smiled even as you read her temperature: 103.4. Pretty high. She was almost certainly dehydrated. “That’s a really cool name. Now, do you know why your mom brought you here?”

“I threw up,” she told you, lip quivering.

“Oh, man,” you commiserated. “That’s the worst. I hate throwing up.”

Maddy nodded.

“Did you throw up just one time or a lot of times?”

“A lot.”

You exchanged glances with the mom to make sure this information was accurate.

“She can’t keep anything down,” the mom worried, biting her nails.

“Okay. Well, that’s okay. We’re gonna help you feel better. First, we’re gonna get some fluids in you. Do you know what that means?”

She shook her head as you gathered the supplies and pulled on gloves.

“It means your tummy is so sick that when you drink water, it all just comes right back out. And that’s not good because your body needs water. Your heart and your lungs and all the things that make you healthy and strong, they need water. So since you can’t swallow it, we’re gonna put a little tube in your arm and send water through the tube. That way your body gets the water it needs. And we’ll send medicine and electrolytes and all kinds of other good stuff to fight the sickness, too. It’s like we’re sneaking weapons past the sick.”

This explanation seemed to cheer her up a bit. “Like a secret mission?” she asked.

You nodded conspiratorially. “Exactly like a secret mission. But to get all that good stuff in there, we’re gonna have to put a needle in your arm. Just for a second! It makes the path for the supplies to go in.”

Maddy seemed to think deeply about this, then nodded. You had her play with the skateboard while you placed the IV line, ensuring that she was comfortably positioned for a good hour or so of fluid intake.

“Thank you,” her mom mouthed to you, and you gave her a quick thumbs up before adding a few reminders to your chart–what to check in the next hour, etc.

Maddy, now calmer, took a good look at you for the first time, from your glasses to your fingers that twitched by your ears, to your stomach that protruded out past your waistline–you were six months pregnant.

“Why are you so fat?” Maddy blurted out.

“Madeline Grace!” her mom hissed.

“It’s okay,” you laughed. “My tummy looks like this because there’s a baby in there. But some tummies are just bigger than others, too, and that’s okay. All tummies are good tummies.”

“Where’s the daddy?” she asked, reaching out to brush her hand over your stomach.

“No daddy,” you explained. “This baby has two mommies. His other mommy works upstairs. On brains.”

“Brains!?” she squealed.

You nodded. “Yeah. She’s pretty cool.”

Just then, the relative calm of a midday ER was interrupted by a loud, brash voice, bursting through the doors, yelling at the nurses at the station.

“Where the fuck is my daughter!? Middle of the fucking work day. Unbelievable. Am I going too fast for you? Read my lips, sweetheart. Madeline. Y/L/N.”

You froze, any icy stream of panic running from the back of your neck all the way down to your heels. You’d know that voice anywhere. It was an angry voice, a coach’s voice, the voice that had yelled at you to “stay the fuck in the bleachers” when all you wanted was to sit in the car and breathe. The same voice that growled at you to stop “doing that shit with your hands, you look like a r*tard.” The same voice that told you over and over that you weren’t “stupid enough to be on the short bus,” but you were “too stupid to function in real life.”

You felt your brain start swirling, felt panic building in your chest. You knew he’d gotten remarried, of course you knew. But you didn’t talk to him, hadn’t talked to him in nearly a decade. You knew they’d had a kid, but you didn’t know it was this kid.

All the ER noises, the beeps of the machines, the buzzing of the overhead lights–were they getting brighter?–the clang of instruments being set down, wails, conversations, and above it all your dad’s voice. Your dad’s voice. It was too much. It was all way, way too much.

You felt your hands start to shake at your sides, your body swinging back and forth, and you had to stop. You had to stop. Your dad would kill you.

He threw back the curtain, and his jaw dropped when he saw you.

“You!?” he spat, looking down. “Are you pregnant!?”

Maddy seemed oblivious to the tension. “Daddy!” she called. “Her name is Y/N and she gave me this little skateboard and the water is fighting the sickness through my tubes and she has a baby in her tummy and the baby’s other mommy fixes brains.”

You tried so hard not to stim, but it was not working. 

“Don’t tell me you’re a nurse?! God, it’s a miracle you didn’t fucking stab her. You shouldn’t be holding any needles with those flappy arms. Probably shouldn’t be holding any babies either.” He shot out his hand and grabbed Teddy’s arm, which was wild to you. The audacity of the man to assume he had the authority to bother the trauma surgeon. “Yeah, honey, we need a different nurse over here. This one’s a r*tard.”

Teddy looked flabbergasted and deeply offended, but also concerned, as you clenched your teeth, hugging yourself, twisting your body back and forth. “It’s doctor, sir, and that word is not welcome at Grey-Sloan. Y/N is a perfectly capable medical professional. In fact, she’s one of our best, especially with kids.”

“I don’t know if you know this, but I feel like it’s my responsibility to tell you,” your dad whispered loudly to Teddy. “She’s got autism. She shouldn’t be handling tools or people or anything.”

Teddy pressed her lips together in frustration. “As I said, sir,” she repeated more forcefully. “Y/N is a perfectly capable medical professional, and we’re lucky to have her. But I’ll get another nurse over here for you. Y/N?”

Teddy beckoned you over, careful not to touch you, and led you to a quieter corner of the room.

“Who the fuck is that guy?!” she asked.

“M-my dad,” you stuttered. Everything in the room–sounds, lights, smells, all of it–seemed to be crashing over you again and again. As if you’d been knocked over by a wave and couldn’t get back up again because they just kept coming.

“You want to hang out in one of the on-call rooms for a bit?” Teddy suggested.

You nodded.

“Should I page Amelia?”

You shook your head. “She’s in surgery.”

Teddy pulled out her tablet to look. “I mean, we could just check.”

“Don’t bother her,” you repeated. “She’s got work to do. I’ll be okay.”

You made your way to the elevator and up to an on-call room, breathing heavily when you shut the door against the rest of the hospital. You turned off the lights, curling into a corner of the bottom bunk and pulling your knees up to your chest–or as close to your chest as they could get with your baby bump in the way.

You rocked yourself back and forth, thoughts spiraling. The movement and the dark usually calmed you down, but you were having a hard time regulating today, and nothing seemed to be working. Your breath just got faster and faster. And the fact that you couldn’t get yourself out of your spiral only made you spiral more.

You knew you were a good nurse. You knew that. You knew because you’d done it. But you hadn’t ever been a mom before. What if he was right? What if the baby made you overstimulated and you yelled or lashed out? What if the baby went to school and you went to parent nights and he was embarrassed of you, of how you couldn’t make eye contact and didn’t start conversations right and didn’t get the jokes. What if being autistic made you a bad mom?

You had tears streaming down your face by the time you heard a light knock on the door. It creaked open and Amelia’s head popped in. When she saw it was you, she quickly let herself in and locked the door.

“Oh, babe,” she said, watching your body rock back and forth in huge, aggressive sweeps. “A bad one, huh?”

“Go away, Amelia,” you hiccuped.

“Hey,” she said, jokingly. Then when she got closer and saw the tear tracks on your face, she said it again, quieter, sitting next to you on the bed. “Hey.”

When you didn’t say anything, Amelia shrugged. “Teddy said your… dad was here?”

You nodded.

She let out a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “Honey, will you let me hold you? Please?”

You nodded again.

“Alright,” she said, waiting for your body to line up with hers as you rocked, then quickly grabbing you up in her arms, like she was catching something midair. “Gotcha.” She rocked with you.

“What did he say?” she asked, her breath warm on the top of your head.

“That I shouldn’t hold medical tools or babies because I’m a fucking re– I don’t want to say it. I hate that word.”

You felt Amelia’s arms tighten around you, and her breath came out in huffs. She was very angry. “As you should,” she told you. “It’s a nasty word. And it’s a word that doesn’t describe you at all, you know that.”

“I don’t know, Amy,” you whispered into her chest. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

“Babe, I think that ship has sailed,” Amelia said, running her fingers through your hair.

“Not my dad,” you explained. “The baby.”

Amelia was quiet for a moment, then you felt her lips press against the top of your head.

“Oh, honey,” she said, her voice soft. “Of course he’ll like you. He’ll love you. You're his mom.”

“But what if I’m bad at it? What if autism makes me bad at it?”

“Y/N,” Amelia said, gently grabbing your face and positioning it so that you had to look in her general direction, if not in her eyes. “Look how good you are with the kids in the ER. You’re gonna be an incredible mom.”

“I’m just scared,” you admitted.

“I’m a little scared, too,” Amelia told you. “But you know what? I think we’re gonna be okay. Me and you together? I mean, surely, combined, we can be at least one whole good mom, right?”

You giggled.

Amelia grinned at you. “There she is.”

You were quiet for a moment, playing with Amelia’s finger, with the edges of her scrubs.

“You know what you are?” Amelia asked after a bit, kissing your forehead. “You are smart and kind and empathetic. You’re funny and brave and you work hard. You’re my favorite person in the whole world.”

You looked away.

“Hey,” she said, pulling your face back toward her again. “I don’t like people talking about my wife like that. Even you.”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around her waist and pressing your face to her chest.

“Are you going back down there?” Amelia asked.

You shrugged.

“Want me to check if your dad’s still here?”

“Would you?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, standing and placing one more kiss on your cheek. “In fact, I’d really like to talk to him.”

“Don’t do anything that’ll get you fired, Amy,” you called after her.

She looked back at you and winked as she walked through the door. “Can’t make any promises.”

[ashblooddragons]

The Red Queen (Chapter 6/?)

(i'm so sorry for the long wait! I've been dealing with some mental health issues lately and had no motivation to write. but don't worry I'm back on my meds and am feeling much, much better. I'm gonna try to get a chapter out once every 2 weeks because I have another fic I'm gonna work on now too. if you haven't voted in my poll yet please do if you want your choice to win! alright enough about me let the chapter begin!!!)

112 ac 

Alicents pov

I watch as you, Rhaenyra and Lady Laena ride your dragons. My heart about leaps from my chest when you command Stormchaser to roll through the air. You had been learning and practicing new tricks wth her so I shouldn’t be surprised that you are now doing the ones you were cleared to do by the Prince and the Dragonkeepers. Though that knowledge does not help my fears.

“What are their names again?” Rhaenyra’s new lady in waiting Lady Myrielle Greyjoy asks.

“The yellow one is Syrax, she is the Princess Rhaenyras dragon. The grey one is Moonfyre, she is the Lady Laenas. And the white one is Stormchaser, she is the little Princess’s.” I say pointing to each.

She hums before turning to me again. “How often will we be expected to be waiting here as they are up there?” She asks.

“Well it depends, with Princess Rhaenyra you would be expected to do so each time. But the little Princess and Lady Laena it would depend if they invite you to watch. Rarely are the two Princesses in th sky at the same time, but the Princess Rhaenyra wished to try and stay out of the council meeting and this is usually the time Lady Laena and the little Princess fly and try their new tricks.” I respond just as Rhaenyra lands climbing off Syrax.

“So I have always to come out when she flies?” Myrielle’s little sister Nymeria Greyjoy asks as she points to Stromchaser.

I nod to Nymeria as I climb onto the steps in front of the carriage waiting for Rhaenyra. 

“Syrax is growing quickly, she’ll be the size of Caraxes soon enough.”

“That's almost large enough to saddle two.” She says boredly as you and Lady Laena land climbing off your dragons with the help of Dragonkeepers. 

“I’m quite content on the ground, thank you, but perhaps the Lady Myrielle would join you.” 

“Oh no, I much prefer the ground as well, thank you for the offer though.” Myrielle answers quickly.

I watch as Nymeria walks past Rhaenyra to greet you and Laena. The three of you seem to be talking animatedly about something, though most children speak such ways even if it is just about bread. Though that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bring a smile to my face hearing your excited chatter.

You run over to me smiling and exclaim. “Did you see me Ali? Did you see my new tricks? Kepus showed me the rolling one!” 

It is moments like this that I wonder how I can love you as a mother would her own child when you did not come from my womb. There are days I swear I had made you, for how else could this love I feel for you be real if not? I know it is just my heart telling my brain lies, but the thought never ceases to bring a smile to my face. For you are so sweet, so kind, so gentle, just like that beast of yours. I know I had not birthed you, but that does not mean you are not my girl. I hate to even think it but I raised you, not the Queen, not wet nurses, me. It is these thoughts and feeling that have always kept me going even when my mother died, when my father was cruel, when I felt nothing more than a waste of space.

“I did you wer-” I start to say until Rhaenyra cuts me off.

“Yes, we all saw you. Now may we go I don’t wish to get into more trouble than I alreadymost likely am.” Rhaenyra says as she climbs into the carriage.

Myrielle turns to look at me ready to ask the question I know she’ll ask the one each new lady in waiting asks. Is she always like this? I only whisper “Later.” and climb in with Myrielle with you, Laena, and Nymeria following behind us. 

Once the carriage starts to move you and your friends look out the window looking at the market and side shows as we pass. Rhaenyra is telling the story of her first flight to Myrielle, but every now and then you girls get a bit to loud for her liking. The only ones of you who seems to be reacting is Nymeria, the only one who isn’t used to Rhaenyra’s chilling gaze. 

It is a sad thought, that you and Laena are used to your sisters venomous words and hateful gaze that now it doesn’t bother you anymore. That it is your normal, that it is no longer something youfear but something you ignore.

It is these moments that make me hate Rhaenyra, the spoiled girl she is. She wishes for a sister this time as well and yet seems to have magically forgotten the sister she already has. She speaks of wishing to fly with someone in races but when you have asked in the past she had only scoffed or out right laughed at you. She wants to be a warrior, and her parents would probably let her, but she complains at any exerting activities or when she is sweaty or dirty. She wanted to be apart of her fathers council, but actively avoids it stating she has funner things to do. The world is handed to her on a sliver platter, and then she is mad it isn’t gold or diamonds.

It is these things mixed with how she treats you, that make me hate her in my very deepest parts of my soul. So much so there are some nights I pray to the Mother for forgiveness until the sun kisses my skin with its morning rays. When this happens I know I never will stop hating Rhaenyra but I can still ask for forgiveness each night at the hour of the owl until my heart and soul finally feel free of the rage I feel each day because of the eldest princess.

When we make it to the Red Keep a gold cloak comes up to you, your uncle had bestowed him upon your care until a new Kingsguard comes along who can protect you. He bends down and whispers in your ear, it must be good news as you run off with a smile on your face leaving Laena and Nymeria behind in your excitement. 

As the guard follows you, me and Myrielle follow Rhaenyra as she wishes to see her mother before going to the council meeting.

“You know I hate you flying when I’m in this condtion.” The Queen says with a frown towards Rhaenyra.

 “You don’t like me flying while your in any condition.” She says with a eye roll.

“Your Grace.” Me and Myrielle say in sync.

The Queen turns to look at us greeting us each in turn. Myrielle seems anxious being in the same room as the Queen so I reach for her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. She turns and gives me a thankful smile. 

“Is she kind? The Queen?” Myrielle whispers to me

“Yes, very kind. She is not called the Kind Queen for nothing.” I whisper back.

We’re brought out of our little conversation when we hear the Queen let out a annoye sigh.

“Go take a bath, you stink of dragon.” The Queen says annoyed at Rhaenyra and her behavior during their talk. Rhaenyra almost always leave the Queen annoyed and frustrated after her vistis.

Once we leave Rhaenyra walks ahead to go change quickly before going to the council chambers as she is already quite late.

Once we were alone Myrielle turns to look at me concerned. “Is the young Princess like the Princess Rhaenyra?” 

I know why she asks this, for she worries her little sister, who she raised for their mother was too ill. What if she is in the hands of a cruel and spiteful girl, how can she help her little sister from a girl like that? Especially if it is a Princess.

“No, she is kind, sweet gentle, giving, and quite playful. I think the only thing you need to worry about is if your sister can keep up with her and Lady Laena and their wild games and adventures. Those two are quite energetic so I hope Nymeria can keep up.” I say with a giggle at yours and Laenas antics. 

“Oh don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll keep up with them just fine.” she answered with a amused smile.

For some reason I know I have found a friend for life in the Lady Myrielle Greyjoy. I know I will not feel so alone anymore with her here, and I can see in her eyes she feels the same in this moment as well.

Your pov

I run towards the thorne room after my bath, I hear Ser Aldwin Sarwyck’s armor rattling as he tries to keep up. I burst open the throne room doors and smile when I see Kepus standing in the middle of the room smiling back at me. 

“Ser Aldwin, please wait here.” I say closing the throne room doors behind me.

“Has he been good to you while I was away?” Kepus asks smirking as I run towards him jumping into his arms,

“I missed you so much!” I say excitedly as he catches me holding me close.

He chuckles as he  carries me towards the throne and starts to climb the steps. “I missed you as well, ñuha riña. Though you never answered my question” 

“He’s nice, he doesn’t seem to like when I talk to him though, says he’s trying to keep me safe and I’m distracting him.” 

He hums at this and when I lookup at him,  he seems upset about something I said. 

“I’ve been being quiet around him more, not asking as many questions to him.” I reassure, but this doesn't seem to please him either as he sits on the throne and sets me on his lap.

“Enough of your guard hmm? I’ve heard you have a new lady in waiting, two in fact.” He says as he frowns as he moves my hair out of my face.

“Yes, Lady Nymeria Greyjoy, she’s ten, knows how to sing, dance and is very kind, oh and funny! She says the best jokes, me and Laena love her jokes! And Laena is very happy to be my lady in waiting because now she doesn’t have to leave.” I say excitedly. 

He smiles this as he inspects the braid my maid gave me this morning. “That’s lovely ñuha riña, it seems you have not one but two wonderful friends now.” 

I smile and nod as I touch the arms of the throne touching a ornate pomel of a sword. “Why are we on the throne? Were not supposed to be on the throne, this is Papas throne.” 

I hear him chuckle as he reaches into a pocket in his jerkin. “And why should’t we be? This is our families seat, and it may well be mine one day.”

“No, Papa says the baby in Mama’s belly is a boy and it’ll be his heir.” I say matter of factly remembering what Papa has said to me when I asked if I was getting a brother or sister.

“Hmm, and who told him this, the Maesters?” 

“No, Papa says he just knows. He said has had a dream of his child sitting the throne with someone sitting with them. He said there was fourteen candles in front of him.”

“A dream you say?” Kepus asks seeming deep in thought.

“Yeah, but Papa said he couldn’t see their face and that it was all blurry, but he knows his child must sit the throne or bad things will happen.” 

“Bad things?” Kepus asks as he lifts my hair up.

“That’s what he said, when I asked he said it wasn’t for little girls. Kepus when will I be a big girl?” I ask as I feel him rest something to my chest and try to clip it behind my neck. When I look down I see a beautiful garnet stone, I gasp and touch it and notice the necklace chain matches the metal on my wrist. 

“It’s Valyrian Steel!” I say excitedly as I tuen to face him.

“Yes it is, I left one in your sisters room it didn’t feel right not to find you one too. She better take care of hers as it’s quite fragile, I’m not finding her another because she’s careless. And don’t worry about getting older, there is plenty of time to see and learn the things of the world.”

“But I want to know them now Kep–” I start to say before the throne room doors open and Rhaenyra walks in fixing something on her next and messing with the neckline of her dress.

Ever since her fourteenth nameday shes been wanting to wear lower necked dresses. She also has been acting strange with boys, I’m worried because she seems to get something in her eye each time she talks to them s she blinks a lot each time she talks to them. 

“Uncle, it’s been a age since you’ve visited court.” Rhaenyra says which confuses me as yes I missed him but he was only gone a moon. 

“Yes well court is boring, I only come back to see my little sweetling.” Kepus responds as he stroke my hair.

“Well then why come back at all?” Rhaenyra says giving as she gives me a glare finally noticing me here.

“I already said why, your sister, though if you need more reason I heard your father was throwing a tourney in my honor.”

“That’s not for you, that’s for the baby!” I say with a giggle thinking Kepus is being silly.

“Hmm well can't it be for me as well?” Kepus asks with a amused smirk.

“I suppose, can it be for me too? Oh, and Mama too she’s the one she really should be celebrating!” 

“I don’t see why not, it is a celebration for our family and that does include you and your mother.” Kepus says as he touches the stone of my necklace.

“Yes it is, though I did not come here to hear of celebration for some babe, I came to thank you for this lovely necklace Uncle.” Rhaenyra says as she flicks her hair back showing her necklace. It also seems Rhaenyra has something in her eyes again as she’s blinking a lot.

Kepus stands from the throne and carries me down until we’re in front of my sister. “I’m glad you like it, that means my brother won’t be bothering me anymore about finding you a Valyrian Steel jewlery.” He says almost boredly.

“My father told you to give me this?” Rhaenyra says in a tone that makes me grip my Kepus’s jerkin.

“I believe I just said that niece.” 

Rhaenyra scoffs and turns around stroming out of the throne room. I don’t understand why she is upset, she got what she had asked Papa to give her, just from Kepus. I’ll need to ask Septa Martha about this in my leasons with her tomorrow.

I look up at my Kepus and see him already looking down at me. “Who did your hair today. it’s all in your face?” He asks as he tucks my hair behind my ear again.

“My new maid Gloria, she’s Ali’s age she said my hair is tricky.” I say as I touch the silver waves that at times curl.

Kepus chuckles and starts to walk out of the throne room. “Well lets go and fix this ‘tricky’ hair hmm?” I nod as I tell him all of my adventures while he was away.

Little did I or anyone else know, that, that day would be the last normal one to ever grace mine or their lives for a long, long time. But at least I’ll have my Kepus through all of it right…right?

Series Masterlist

Also the characters Nymeria and Myrielle are my Besties @sugutoad ocs so give her love for these magnificent characters!!

@ilikefelines @sugutoad @baybaybear1 @sachaa-ff @classicsimpforaaronwarner @mmogurl

This is what I see for the necklace Daemon gives Princess. I hope you all love it as much as I do!

also special thanks to @sugutoad for making the header for this fic! I don't know what I'd do without you girly!

[justphilia]

Rating Dungeon Meshi Characters Based on How Well They Can Take Care of Me When I'm Sick

Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. Precaution I have bias for women.

Laios - 7/10 He'll definitely try his best, but he's not very good at it. Achieves the bare minimum of keeping me fed and making sure I take my meds, but most of the time he wouldn't really know what to do to help more. As I drift in and out of consciousness, I see him staring at me with his autism eyes through the gap of my door.

Falin - 9/10 Practically my bedside nurse. Checks my temperature every so often, makes sure to keep my forehead cool. She makes it possible for me to be glad I'm sick, though I am not sure if she knows how to cook. Fortunately, too ill to gaf. Also it's Falin.

Marcille - 9/10 She will think I am dying and because of this she's desperate to help me recover. Heh. I love the attention. But I think. I THINK. she may not know what she is doing about a quarter of the time. She'll read the instructions on my meds like 5 times before giving it to me. She'll research what kind of foods is good for speedy recovery. She'll forget to wring the cold rag before putting it on my head, and every time I fall asleep she thinks I passed away.

Chilchuck - 6/10 Like my dad. "Don't forget to take your meds." Feeds me porridge for lunch and dinner. I don't see his face like the whole day, but I'll be unsure if it's because he's purposely checking in on me when I'm knocked out or he just doesn't want to bother me at all. I can't ask, because he wouldn't answer honestly (he's embarrassed).

Senshi - 8/10 I feel like he's gonna be like my mom and feed me herbal medicine and home remedies. My recovery will be slightly slower, but I'll recover. I will be eating soooo good, 'cause he'll definitely put a spin on every meal meant to help me recover. He sits by my bedside and does his own thang while I sleep, or talk about what he put in my food as like a bedtime story. When he goes to the toilet, I cry.

Toshiro (without his retainers [not including Izutsumi]) - 4/10 Porridge is simple enough to make, I think he is capable of that at the very least. I think he'd make sure I drink enough water, and will ask if I've taken my meds yet. But that's all his efforts and capabilities. I wouldn't blame him. He wears a mask when he enters my room.

Toshiro (with his retainers) - 9/10 Maizuru alone bumped the score by three points because she'll make sure to help Toshiro keep me well fed. But because she's only helping me for Toshiro, she wouldn't go all out with the care. It's okay, their company is enough. I will most likely think I died and went to heaven. They all are wearing masks under Maizuru's order—don't want them catching it and spreading it to Toshiro.

Izutsumi - 2/10 It may be over for me. But if she sleeps at the foot of my bed the entire time and gets me packaged food and water when I ask, I'll live.

Namari - 8/10 Idk. Like! Idk! I think she's gonna be like Laios about it, like she really tries her best, but she's unsure. She's like a combo of Laios and Chilchuck—she can make me food and make sure I take my meds, but I would hardly see her throughout the day. Sometimes she'll come in and ask if I need anything, and if I ask her to stay she'll linger at the doorway then step inside. When I wake up, she may be gone.

Kabru - 7/10 I kinda...don't want him here.....like....I like his face and everything, but I feel. scared. at the thought of being sick and him taking care of me. Might be the blue eyes. Nevertheless, he's able to make sure I don't get worse. He can cook and will help me take my meds, put a cool rag over my forehead, and keep me company until I fall asleep. "I guess you owe me one!" he'll laugh lightly as my fever-fried brain stares at him, and I won't know if he's serious until he tells me so.

Mithrun - 1/10 I am Gone but also he's very attractive so I think I'll die happy.

[archivalofsins]

The timeline today is so fun.

Really loving Mahiru's commitment to this whole I'm not holding a grudge at all routine. Like I'm so forgiving, I'm not mad. Please, come a little closer and trust me.

After all, I'm no liar-

Love is (Un)Dead 6:47 six minutes and forty-seven seconds in. "This means that... You think of me as a liar, doesn't it...? Did I do something that made you think that?

I would never hold a grudge, get jealous, or lie.

Love Is Mine 8:56 eight minutes and fifty-six seconds in. Jealousy... Grudges... Having your partner stolen from you... Those stories aren't all that uncommon now, are they? "You're wrong. It wasn't that. I... Never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!"

Me big sis Mahiru nooo- never!

Love is (Un)Dead 1:24 one minute and twenty-four seconds in. "I think Kotoko-chan is the one who caused this, so... You know. It's not like it's your fault. Um, so...! I'm not holding a grudge against Kotoko-chan, either. I'm sure she just thought it couldn't be helped..."

"A monstrous dilemm... "DIE"."

Like go off passive aggressive queen. For someone who doesn't do any of those things, they're certainly brought up around and by you a lot. That's none of my business, though.

I am curious as to why you went to cell ten to talk to Kotoko but mentioned needing to thank Shidou still while there?

I mean, that's a bit odd. He lives right next to you. On top of that, he's been your caretaker for over a year now. Have you not seen him today? That's peculiar because he's presented himself as always needing to be by your side or you'd die. Because that's how bad your condition is.

Even discussing still giving you treatment on Yuno's birthday.

24/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Shidou: Thank you for your assistance with Shiina-kun’s treatment. It’s been a big help having you here. Both for her and for me. It’s good to know that even if something happens to me, you’ll still be around.

Yuno: No way. I can’t do anything on my own. All I’m doing is helping with whatever you’re doing. It’s just like playing pretend as a nurse.

Shidou: No, you’ve got a good sense for things like this. You’re quick to notice things, calm and fearless. If you haven’t decided what you want to be in the future, maybe you should consider becoming a doctor yourself.

Yuno: You think so? ……haha, stop it. I don’t want to be thinking about the future right now. And for someone like me to have other people’s lives in my hands…… that’s no laughing matter.

I know the audience hasn't seen you thank him within the timeline.

Yet, why would this come to mind while you were meeting up with Kotoko of all people? You didn't come here to thank her. You just wished her happy birthday.

So, what's the correlation? Why would seeing Kotoko make you think of thanking Shidou?

"In that case, give me the chance to make amends to extract that fang, now."

Weird it's just quite odd that would come to mind upon going to see her. Like, oh, Happy Birthday- Ah, that reminds me I should probably find a way to help and thank Shidou for all he's done for me.

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve things with violence.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Mahiru: I talk to Shidou-san a lot now, since he’s looking at my injuries. Also, Yuno-chan.

Even though you've both spoken a lot since the beginning of trial two, he lives right besides you, and he's been taking care of you daily- You haven't thanked him yet, Mahiru? Is that because you want to thank him through a certain gesture. By giving him something he may want in return for everything he's done for you. Could it be that seeing Kotoko reminded you of thanking him because she's somehow involved in how you will.

Let's cut the bullshit are you gonna try to kill Kotoko? Because, uh, this is getting questionable. The are you mad I'm not mad passive aggressiveness, the amicable distance, it's nothing new for her.

Kazui even asks her about it at the very start.

20/06/19

Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shiina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right?It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out, the whole group could fall apart.

Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!

Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.

Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

In the same way Yuno and Futa question Mikoto for always seeming to force a smile and being chatty. Yet Kazui saying this has rarely ever been taken as an accurate read of Mahiru's personality like the statements about Mikoto have.

Like it's easy to fall into stereotyping and think,

Q.05 Who do you dislike most out of the other prisoners?

Mahiru: Futa-kun is a bully, so definitely out! Also, Mikoto is pretty flippant, he kinda seems like the type who’d cheat~

Futa is a brazen hot-head who doesn't think before acting. He's a natural bully he was too uneducated and reactionary to actually know the harm he was causing. Mikoto is careless and flippant but he was trying so hard. He never wanted to hurt anybody. They never had the intent to do what they did and regret it now.

Mahiru is just a silly airhead who didn't realize the harm she was causing to her partner.

"My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"

She was never actively malicious. She didn't want to cause harm to anyone. She wasn't holding a grudge or anything. There's not one hateful jealous bitter bone in her little silly body. She even still extends grace and kindness to Kotoko after all she put her through.

Mahiru Shiina is so kind she's bordering on saintly.

I hope everyone remembers how kindness can be used to manipulate and do harm to others outside of people who have moral ocd and think about that every day. Looking into love bombing outside of abusive religious contexts can be helpful to. Mostly because it allows one to recognize when it's being done on a interpersonal level and not just structural ones.

Knowing a good deal about both is always good.

Love Is Mine 10:32 ten minutes and thirty-two seconds in. "I... discovered how amazing it was to be in love with someone. It's incredible, you know? Each and every day seemed to sparkle and everything became vibrant. It transforms such mundane scenarios into those of soap operas and films!

Signs of Love Bombing Love bombing is often romanticized in TV and movies. The typical story involves an uninterested character who is being pursued by an eager suitor. The pursuer consistently violates the uninterested character’s boundaries until they fall in love and decide to be together. However, this unrealistic depiction of a relationship is actually a story of love bombing and how it can manifest in real life.

"This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you”. My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?"

Love Is Mine 6:58 six minutes and fifty-eight seconds in. "You're fifteen, aren't you? Right in the heat of adolescence! Do you have anyone you like?" I honestly have no interest in those matters. "What? No, no. There's no such thing as that. Being in love is like a landmine. It'll explode someday, you know? The only thing that differs is whether it happens earlier or later in life."

According to Psychology Today, “love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.” This kind of behavior is a form of emotional abuse, and although it can be experienced during any stage of a relationship, it is often seen in the early stages of getting to know one another. It may seem like your new partner really likes you, but love bombing can often serve as a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.

"What do you think? I know it's not the type of question you want to be asked."

Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what makes you feel comfortable and what does not. We know that all relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive, so it always helps to check in with yourself and decide if you need to speak to your partner about your concerns.

Healthy A healthy relationship means that both you and your partner are: Communicative. You talk openly about problems and listen to one another. You respect each other’s opinions. Respectful. You value each other’s opinions, feelings, and needs, and give each other the freedom to be yourself and be loved for who you are. Trusting. You believe what your partner has to say and don’t feel the need to “prove” each other’s trustworthiness. Honest. You’re honest with each other but can still keep some things private. Equal. You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standards. You and your partner have equal say with regard to major decisions within the relationship. All partners have access to the resources they need. Setting boundaries. You enjoy spending time apart, alone, or with others. You respect each other’s need for time and space apart. You communicate with each other about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Practicing consent. You talk openly about sexual and reproductive choices together. All partners always willingly consent to sexual activity and can safely discuss what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Parenting supportively. All partners are able to parent in a way that they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child(ren), as well as the needs of the parents. Unhealthy You may be in an unhealthy relationship if your partner is: Non-communicative. When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all. Disrespectful. You or your partner behave inconsiderately toward the other. Not trusting. You or your partner refuse to believe the other or feel entitled to invade their privacy. Dishonest. You or your partner lie, omit, or obscure facts. Taking control. You or your partner takes steps to suggest that one’s desires and choices are more important than another’s. Isolating. Your partner restricts your contact with other people, either in person or online. Pressured into sexual activity. One partner uses pressure or guilt against another to coerce them into sexual acts or reproductive choices. Ignoring boundaries. It’s assumed or implied that only one partner is responsible for making informed decisions. Unequal economically. Finances aren’t discussed. Financial decisions are made unilaterally or it’s assumed that only one partner is in charge of finances. Abusive A relationship is abusive when your partner: Communicates harmfully. Your partner communicates or in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning. Mistreats the other. Your partner doesn’t respect your thoughts, feelings, decisions, opinions, or physical safety. Makes untrue accusations. Your partner accuses you of cheating or breaking the boundaries of your relationship. Your partner may escalate by creating situations where you need to “prove” your trustworthiness, like handing over your social media passwords. Controls the other. There’s no equality in your relationship. One partner makes decisions without the other’s input, or makes all of the decisions in certain parts of the relationship, like finances. Isolates the other. Your partner controls where you travel, who you talk to, or how you spend your time. This often includes physical or emotional isolation from your family and friends. Forces sexual activity or controls reproductive choices. Your partner forces or pressures you to engage in sexual activity you don’t want to. Your partner controls your reproductive choices by sabotaging birth control, or by pressuring you to have or not have children. Controls finances. Your partner controls the money and access to resources, including preventing you from earning an income or accessing their own income. Having an open, respectful dialogue about finances is not an option. Manipulates children. Your partner uses your children to gain power and control over you, including telling them lies or baseless criticisms about you.

"Ring ring, I’m calling you in the middle of the night Forcing you to wake up, and I say “Good Morning!”." - "Giving you love to the point of pulling you down. It’s just because I still get worried, please forgive me. Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual."

Love Bombing Sign #4: Communication Overload When you first establish your relationship, you may speak to your partner more frequently, because you are learning about each other and your desires for your relationship. Good communication is required to have a solid and healthy relationship, but you should not be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of communication you are receiving. This could be an excellent time to talk about how you feel and find a way to communicate with each other that works for both of you.

Sign #1: "Soulmate" Status Finding a partner that feels like a perfect fit is gratifying. But it can take time to really get to know your partner. When love bombing occurs, often labels such as “soulmate”, “their person,” or “their other half” are applied early in the relationship. While it may feel validating to be considered as an important figure in their lives, it could be a cause for concern if you have not known them very long, or if you feel uncomfortable. Even being told “I love you” within a couple of weeks of starting a relationship can be a red flag. If you feel unsettled about how fast you’re moving, it may be time to speak with your partner.

"I even love saying the words, “I love you”."

Sign #2: Exaggerated Compliments Compliments are a great way to show that you’re interested in each other. It is not unusual to exchange compliments in a relationship, especially as you are getting to know one another. However, if the comments your partner is making seem over-the-top, it could be another sign of love bombing, especially if they make you feel uneasy. Here are some examples: “My prayers have been answered now that I have you in my life.” “I feel like you were created just for me.” “I can’t imagine finding anyone more perfect than you.” “My life would be nothing without you.” These types of comments can feel overwhelming, and if you are still getting to know them, it may come across as grandiose. A gut check with yourself may be helpful to decide if you are comfortable with these types of statements. If they do not feel right to you, try to address these feelings with your partner. If possible, discuss creating boundaries that work for both of you.

"Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can’t come true."

"I suck at pretending to smile- But see! I feel great because of you!"

"The things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you is love."

Is Love Enough? But the truth is, love isn’t always enough of a reason to stay in a relationship. Don’t get us wrong: loving someone, or caring deeply for them, is a wonderful thing, but it’s a feeling that can also make a relationship complicated. We hear from many people who tell us about unhealthy behaviors or feeling unhappy in a relationship but say that they still love their partners. It’s very possible to have feelings of love for someone even if they are mistreating you. It’s important to recognize that love is just one part of a whole. There are a few other crucial ingredients to having a solid, healthy relationship.

"We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt. Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

"Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin. My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right."

Love is (Un)Dead 5:03 five minutes and three seconds in.

What I saw was... just you having fun. I'm sure you were in love. Your feelings of bliss were conveyed to me as well. Right? It was really fun..! Did it make you want to fall in love?

I was happy, I had fun, I wanted, all I did-

Love is (Un)Dead 4:31 four minutes and thirty-one seconds in.

Was love someone.

Meanwhile each time this guys feelings are alluded to.

What do you think? I know it's not the type of question you want to be asked.

Ring ring, I’m calling you in the middle of the night. Forcing you to wake up, and I say “Good Morning!”. But I fall asleep before you, I really feel bad you know? We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you’ll get angry soon.

This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥ Is bleeding, wailing, this is the end- What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”

I don’t need anyone else, as long as I have you I could do anything as long as you smiled, I actually believed that. The happiness we tightly bound up and suffocated, is no longer here.

If I could see you again, I wonder, what would I say to you and how?

Non-communicative. When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all.

"We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt. Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

"Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual."

Communicates harmfully. Your partner communicates or in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning.

Do you really think you know what love is?

My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?"

On to the birthday girl. This is the third time this trial Kotoko has been shown her actions had no impact on the prisoners or their behaviors. From Mikoto walking up to her as though nothing happened on her last birthday,

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but for now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

To Haruka approaching her despite the big deal Shidou and Kazui were making about negotiating a ceasefire with her.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

To Mu going up to her on her own birthday just to tell her off,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of you way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

All the way to the person she did the most harm to coming up to her without issue. Despite in Love is (Un)Dead Mahiru jumping at Es just touching her,

Mahiru! "...!! Stop it!" ...! " ...! A... Ah- I-I I'm sorry... ... If you touch me so suddenly, it makes me remember... How it hurt... And I get scared."

If you touch me suddenly guard that reminds me of getting hurt but going up to Kotoko the one who hurt me well that's totally fine. It's been long enough for me to get over the trauma of being jumped unprompted by her. In fact I'm not even upset or angry about that at all. I think she had her reasons.

I'm not holding a grudge because,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Mahiru: At the very least, I don’t blame her for it. She acted for the sake of an ideal she can’t concede on.

So of course she has no issue going up to Kotoko to wish her a happy birthday. All by herself. She's not afraid of what Kotoko could do even while she's having trouble moving about and receiving treatment for the injuries Kotoko gave her just last intermission. Because her and Kotoko are the same in that regard they both have something they can't concede on she understands her and just wants to wish her a happy birthday.

Meanwhile Kotoko expected Mahiru to complain about her behavior in the same way Mu had on her birthday this year.

She expected to be admonished. Not only because Mu did it but because she's guilty now. That's all she's been hearing. So, why would Mahiru be any different. Why wouldn't she be coming their to kick while she was already down?

Instead Mahiru came to wish her a happy birthday.

Because that's how insignificant Kotoko's behavior was to everyone else there. They have bigger concerns than her throwing fits and now that they know she will they can prepare for that. Mahiru isn't mad, she didn't change drastically, she didn't come here to go I see what I did in the past was wrong and understand why you reacted that way I'm sorry.

Just like Haruka, Mu, and Mikoto she's going on like normal.

It must be so grating for Kotoko to see just how insignificant her "justice" is to everyone else in this prison. Literally no one cares. She did all that to instill fear in the hopes of making them see how their actions were wrong to punish them for being evil and unjust. Yet here we are.

No one in the prison has changed drastically, they didn't learn anything from her abuse, and none of them seem to be afraid of or even remotely concerned with her anymore. It really seems like she's starting to realize the only thing she accomplished through her attacks is displaying how much of an idiot she is.

Just like Yuno said,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

The people she beat up are now innocent. They've been acquitted given a slap on the wrist like all the bad guys she attacked in Harrow. While all the blame is back on her. Just like with the court case. It was easy to say it was self-defense at first but people kept looking into it statements got recanted and she began falling out of favor.

Possibly even getting kicked out of her university. Because people always want to see a bad person falling but they never want to feel like they caused it.

This may possibly be her worst case scenario. I mean all she wanted was to be drowning in the fact that she was right while everyone else here was wrong. Now as far as she knows they may all be innocent and the only person being told they're wrong here is her.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes I suppose but the least they could do is still be afraid of her, fear her authority as Es' helper, the idea that she did it once and could very well do it again. Nope. They simply don't care they're over it. They've moved on. Even the person she injured to the extent that she almost died isn't even afraid of her.

In fact it seems more like she feels bad for her. The only person to treat her as though she had any authority over trial two was Haruka and that was just so she wouldn't intervene with his plans. Everyone else has pretty much gone oh that's cute you think you have some power here.

They've treated her no different from them because to them she is no different in fact to some of them she's less than. Someone they'd never be friends with. Someone who just hasn't realized they're being taken advantage of yet. Someone pathetic who's only recourse will be beating themselves up once they're in the position they beat others for being in.

Then here's Mahiru offering yet another olive branch.

Just like Mikoto at the beginning of trial two who said I figured no one else would wish you happy birthday so I came to say it. That must be tough. No wonder the only way she could respond was by saying she was crazy. She must be crazy it's definitely not a clear example of her methods not working. Mahiru is just insane anyone else would fall in line or avoid her after being beat like that.

So, Mahiru must be uniquely terrible, stupid, or the punishment wasn't harsh enough. In the long run Kotoko may end up believing the punishments weren't harsh enough, that she shouldn't have held back due to trusting Es or not wanting to do too much too soon. Because that's how it is. People can't force each other to change no matter if they try to kindly or harshly.

The only time people change is when they are willing to. But it really does kind of seem like Mahiru is going to try to kill Kotoko as a way of paying Shidou back. Especially if he's been complaining about her to Mahiru as much as he has been to the audience.

Like it would not surprise me.

[ac-19]

Frowned Upon - T. Sawyer (Bravo 4)

Summary: you were trying to keep your relationship a secret, at least until you're contract with the Navy was up, but Sonny changed all that.

I could feel his eyes on me as I laughed with Lisa and Naima. This was one of the rare nights everybody could make it to the bar together and just enjoy time together, especially since the guy's deployment was coming up fast. 

"So (Y/N) when can we meet your mystery man?"

I chuckled as I shook my head. 

"No mystery about it, just keeping things private for now."

"Oh come on, it's been like three months now. Why didn't you invite him out tonight?"

I chuckled as I picked up my beer off the table and looked over at him. He lifted his beer up and I gave him a small smile before I downed most of mine. I set my attention back on the girls so I wouldn't make things too obvious. They had found out that I was seeing someone about three months ago but in reality it had been closer to a year and a half. 

Technically our relationship wasn't forbidden by the Navy, just very much frowned upon. We had known each other for years, but it was only when I got injured and was sidelined from operating about two years ago that we grew a lot closer which eventually led to us sneaking around. Right now I teach Green Team with Adam at least until my contract is up in two months. After that I'm transferring to the VA Hospital to be a nurse instead so we agreed to keep it a secret as long as we could for both our sake.  

"You think I'm gonna let him meet Sonny the first time I bring him around my friends? He'd run for the hills."

"It's cause he'd be so jealous of what we got going on sweetheart."

I chuckled as Sonny wrapped his arm around my chest and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Sonny and I always had this flirty/joking relationship. Ever since we met we kind of just clicked as friends but he is nowhere near my type and I consider him more like an older brother than boyfriend material. 

"Simmer down cowboy. Clay's gonna get jealous."

Sonny laughed as he unwrapped his arm from around me and sat down in the chair beside me. 

"Blondie has new interests nowadays."

"Yeah, what's up with him and that Rebecca chick anyways?"

Sonny shook his head.

"God only knows."

I nodded as my phone lit up on the table. Before I could even look at it Sonny had it in his hands and was reading the text I just got out loud. Thankfully his name in my phone wasn't too obvious, but I had a feeling Sonny was going to put it together rather quickly. 

"Why don't we get out of here? OH SHIT! Your mystery man is one of us."

He looked over at the next table where Jason, Ray, Metal, Trent and Brock were sitting engulfed in what seemed like a rather serious discussion. 

"Give me back my phone Sonny, and why do you make that assumption? He could just be in here somewhere."

Sonny looked around the bar and I did a quick scan. Most of the guys in here were Green Team or veterans. 

"Well unless you're dating one of your students or someone who's a hundred years old, I think my assumption is fair."

I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my beer as Sonny kept staring at the text on my phone. 

"Four red hearts... HOLY SHIT! It all makes sense now, Trent's got some mystery girl we know nothing about and you've got a mystery man. Wait now, Trent's mystery girl has been around longer than you're mystery guy though so I'm doubting myself now."

I shook my head. 

"I'm not entertaining this Sonny."

"Oh come on (Y/N/N/), you two were always close when you were Bravo 6. It would make sense."

Great, we got everyone's attention now. I looked back at Jason and caught Trent's eye, but he didn't even bat an eye at the whole thing. I mean would it be the worst thing if our friends knew about us?

"Ok so Trent's mystery woman showed up after you left Bravo and that was..."

"You know Sonny, my head's not too sharp since the injury so you know the timeline's a little blurry."

"You have a metal rod in your hip and blew out your right knee. What does that have anything to do with your head, you jackass?"

Amidst the conversation Trent got up and headed towards the bar. I didn't want to say anything that would make him uncomfortable so I extended my hand and grabbed my phone out of Sonny's hands and tucked it into the pocket of the jean jacket I was wearing. 

"That's enough of that Sonny."

"You know me better than that by now sweetheart. I'm not gonna drop this."

I rolled my eyes as I looked over at the bar to find Trent only to realize he wasn't there anymore. I put my head down only to feel someone's presence behind me and a beer being put down in front of me.

"Since we're dating now, I thought I'd buy you a beer."

I chuckled as I looked back at Trent.

"Thanks babe."

"I can't tell if you two are serious or if ya'll are just fucking with me right now."

I chuckled as Trent leaned down and planted his lips on mine. I smiled against his lips as I brought my hand up to the back of his neck. 

"HOLY SHIT!!! I WAS RIGHT!! Davis, you owe me twenty bucks."

I couldn't help but laugh as Trent and I pulled away from each other. So much for keeping this a secret any longer, but it was a weight off my shoulders that our friends knew about us, that way we didn't have to be so secretive anymore. 

"You know you guys didn't have to keep this a secret."

"We were gonna tell you guys. After my transfer."

Jason nodded. 

"Well we're happy for you guys. Now Trent even if she has a metal rod in her hip and a busted knee she'll still kick your ass if you're being a jackass."

"Oh trust me I know."

I chuckled as I looked up at Trent. 

"Hey guys!"

We all looked over at Clay and he gave us a confused look. 

"What'd I miss?"

Everybody just started laughing and I couldn't help but smile. I was so happy that we didn't have to sneak around our friends anymore. 

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Motion Sick

Sicktember 2024 - Prompt #6 Dizziness/Vertigo

Words: 4,440

Pairing: Tanizaki Junichoru x Tachihara Michizou

POV: First person

CW: Mentions of nausea and throwing up, but no graphic descriptions

Junichirou’s Perspective

I can feel my stomach churning, and that familiar acidity rising in my throat. I’m going to be sick. 

I knew I shouldn’t have come along, the agency didn’t even need me for this trip. It was Kenji who insisted that I come along so I wouldn’t miss the dolphins in the bay. He doesn’t know about my terrible motion sickness and being as spineless as I am, I couldn’t say no to him.

Now I wish I had.

It’s late afternoon but the summer sun is still high in the sky, the weather hot and sticky. My back aches and I feel lightheaded from being bent over the railing for so long.

Then I get an idea. It’s probably stupid, but no one is paying attention to me so I should be safe. I plug in my earbuds and press the dial button for the first contact in my phone. At first, the ringing is uncomfortably loud then the call is answered and his voice fills my ear.

“Jun? You good? You only call if there’s an emergency.”

I don’t answer right away, letting Michizou’s warm voice wash over me. I swallow thickly.

“Junichirou?”

“Sorry,” I whisper

“What for? You’re not hurt, are you? Why are you whispering?” Panic enters his voice. I shake my head before remembering he can’t see me.

“N-no. I’m-“ My voice fades out as my stomach roils, threatening to send its contents back up. I think I’d die if I puked while talking to Michi on the phone, that’d be way too embarrassing. I shouldn’t have called. “It’s stupid. You can hang up if you’re busy.” 

“I’m not. I’m at lunch with Gin and Higuchi. I'm glad you called too, cuz they were being all disgustingly lovey-dovey. And I’m sure whatever you called me for ain’t stupid. What is it?” Despite the loud conversations around him, his voice is comforting.

“I . . . well, I’m getting motion sick and I think I’m gonna puke. I . . . uh . . . just thought that hearing your voice might distract me a bit.” It sounds dumb as I say it.

He doesn’t answer, the line crackles in silence.

“See, I told you it was stupid.”

“No, it’s not. Where are you? In a car?” His voice is calm now, with a serious tone and I can imagine his expression, cool as he thinks through the situation. The background is quieter now like he’s stepped even farther away from wherever he was.

“On a boat, we’re looking for evidence in a murder case that was dumped in the bay. The waves are bad today though, so . . .”

“So that’s why we’re whispering.” I can see him nodding to himself. I smile at the thought, “Where are your meds?”

“I left them at home,” I admit.

“Of course you did. I’d bring you some, but . . .” He laughs, the affectionate teasing sending warmth through me. “So what should I do?” The teasing turns to sympathy.

“Can we just talk? About anything.” The desperation leaks through as another wave rocks the boat.

“Sure. . . .” He hums trying to think of a topic, I find myself tapping out the rhythm on the railing focusing on it instead of the rocking of the boat. He ends the melody with a flourish, “Today I ran into Elise, you know, the Boss’s kid or whatever.”

I turn on the camera and nod, still not trusting myself to speak. Michi seems to get it.

“Yeah, well she somehow bribed him to wear not only a maid outfit but a nurse outfit and one of those supposedly “sexy” devil costumes. She showed us all the pics. It was a riot but I felt kinda weird looking at them, you know. Like it was an invasion of privacy, and also if the Boss knows I saw them he might give me desk duty indefinitely.”

I laugh, so hard that my stomach pain increases fivefold but it feels good.

“That’s the only really funny story I have for today, some other stuff happened too, we had an assassination job, but if you think you’re gonna puke maybe I’d best not tell you those. . . . Anyways, want me to make dinner tonight. I might need your help, but I can do most of it. I know being sick always makes you tired.”

I think I can speak again, I take a breath, sighing when I find my stomach has settled down considerably. “Yeah, I would like that, make it something light though, a soup or something.”

“Cool. And, uh, don’t feel bad about calling, I’m happy to help. And seeing Gin with Higuchi was making me miss you a lot, I miss you right now.” He sounds awkward, still new to expressing emotions so blatantly. My stomach clenches, not out of nausea, but wanting. Seeing him over the phone isn’t enough, I want his arms around me, his lips brushing my cheek.

“I miss you too, but I guess I should let you go before Gin and Higuchi get suspicious.” I’ll admit even I can tell I sound pouty, but I know the longer I stay on the call the more likely it is for one of the other agency members to catch me.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. But promise you’ll call me back if you start feeling bad again.” I can hear the worry in Michizou’s voice even as he tries to hide it. It makes my heart flutter in my chest.

“Okay,” I say the word but don’t hang up, neither does he. We exist for a moment in comfortable silence.

“They’re so wrapped up in each other I think we have at least another hour before they realise.” He rolls his eyes.

I smile.

He starts telling me about how Akutagawa was being creepy while referring to some short story about some gate, and I bask in the warm glow of his voice and enthusiastic facial expressions as he talks. Soon I’m laughing so hard I drop my phone, my earbuds yanked out of my ears. I can faintly hear Michizou complaining about how I “dropped” him.

I bend down to pick up the device but someone is already handing it to me. Kenji. 

My breath catches and I feel nauseous again. Maybe he’ll be really nice and won’t tell.

He stares at the phone screen, and Michizou stares back, as if maybe if he’s still enough Kenji will think he’s just a photo. Or maybe he’s in shock. After a second he clicks off the camera and hangs up belatedly.

“Why were you talking to the Bandaid guy? Is he your friend?” Kenji asks it with no malice whatsoever, but if he knows he might tell the others, not realising the ramifications.

I think about asking who he’s referring to, and playing dumb but it’s too late for that.

“Oh, um, we were just . . . He’s my friend, but you can’t tell anyone okay.”

“Okay! Is he nice like Cool Hat-san?”

I snort at his nickname for Executive Nakahara. “Well, he’s nice to me, but he can be a little mean sometimes, you know.”

“Oh, he’s just like Cool hat-san then!”

“What do you mean?”

“Cool hat-san always seems so angry but one day I saw him and Dazai-san snuggling with each other through the window of Dazai-san’s dorm. And he must be a really good hugger because Dazai-san kept telling him not to stop. I was only walking by so I don’t know the rest, but they seem also to be good friends.”

I’m so shocked that I can’t answer for a whole minute. I’m not sure what the hell is going on between those two but I know they weren’t snuggling. Before I can form an acceptable reply, Kenji asks: “Is Bandaid guy a good snuggler?”

If I was drinking or eating anything I would have spit it out. I can feel my entire face heating up. I’m not sure whether I’m saved or doomed even further because Atsushi is walking over to me.

“Junichirou! What’s wrong? You’re all red!”

“Ohhh, I . . . uhh, I’m just seasick is all, I hate boats!” I groan again, patting my stomach to add extra effect.

Atushi nods, “Oh, I didn’t know. Are you alright? Should I bring Naomi?” He sounds unsure and cringes as he says my sister’s name.

“No!” It comes out too quickly, I force myself to sound calmer, “Don’t bring Naomi, I can handle a little sickness myself. I’ll be fine with a few deep breaths.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

Atsushi walks back towards the boat’s cabin.

“Maybe you should call Bandaid guy again, tell him to bring you some medication when we return to the dock,” Kenji says, too loudly, because Atsushi turns back around.

I expect him to make a scene but he just walks over calmly.

“Who’s ‘Bandaid guy?’”

“A friend.” I can hear the shaking in my voice. Atsushi hates the mafia, he’ll never trust me again if he were to find out.

He squints as if thinking then his eyes widen, he stares straight at me. He knows.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?

“I see. Hope you feel better.” is all he says before walking off again.

WHAT? WHY? Isn’t he going to tell? How is he just okay with that?

-

Everyone else is so busy with the evidence being pulled up from the seafloor that I’m alone again.

The anxiety has turned back into motion sickness, even worse than last time, so despite already being caught once, I do the only thing I can think of, I call Michizou back.

He answers on the first ring.

“Worse?” he asks

“Yeah.” is all I can manage.

“How bad?”

“Bad.” I cringe at the croaky sound of my voice.

“Okay. What can I do?”

“Just talk?”

“Sure. I already told you most of the funny things. Does it matter the topic?”

“Nothing gory.”

“Hmm.” I hear him shuffling around, “How about this? It’s a collection of poems, I got it from my brother . . . it’s what they sent back when he, well, you know.”

He takes my silence and heavy breaths for a yes and starts to recite the poetry. I close my eyes and lay down on the boat deck soaking in his gentle words.

Kenji’s Perspective

After a long day, the boat is finally back in the dock and we’re all gathered at the rail where the ramp will drop for us to get back on the ground, all but one.

“What the hell is he doing?” Yosano-san asks, pointing to Junicihrou-san lying on the boat’s deck with his earbuds in. He looks serene.

“I dunno,” says Atsushi-san.

“I think he’s talking to a Band-Aid guy, or maybe he’s listening to music.”

Oops. What do I do now? I’ll have to apologise to Tanizaki-san for revealing the secret.

“Baindaid guy? Is he a doctor?” Yosano-san asks

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you that, but no, I don’t think he’s a doctor. I saw him on Facetime, he looked way too young.” I shrug. 

I did recognise him, from the raids on the office, but I don’t know his name. I hope she doesn’t ask if I know him. I’m a terrible liar. Thankfully Atsushi steps up.

Atsushi’s Perspective:

I tap Kenji on the shoulder and he steps back.

If you’d asked me to lie even a few months ago, I’d have totally flaked, but these past few months of excusing for gaps in time have improved my skills greatly. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

“Maybe he’s a friend from school? The siblings go to the local High School, right? Surely the two of them must have some friends besides us to see when they’re not working? If not that’s sad.”

Yosano-san nods, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Maybe? But they’re pretty weird so I’m not sure. They've never mentioned anyone. If it is a friend, though, I’m glad. Maybe Noami will find a nice boy to get attached to instead of her brother.” She sounds doubtful. I don’t blame her.

“Eh, well just go and get him. I’m sure he’ll tell you if you ask.” Kunikida-san says

I can’t help frowning at this. “Yeah, he probably will.” It comes out louder and more bitter than I intended.

“What’s that face for?” he asks.

“He’s scared of Yosano-san, and you know it. It’d be unfair to use that against him. He probably doesn't want to tell us, so don’t make him, okay.” I’ve never snapped at him before, and I’m not sure if this qualifies, but I don’t want Junichirou to say anything he isn’t ready to yet. 

Ryu told me about them as soon as they got together. And . . . I know that Motojirou-san has a massive crush on Yosano-sensei

She frowns back at me. “Okay? Jeez. What’s got you so intense about this so suddenly?”

“I- I, he just looks really relaxed. If he’s not in pain from the seasickness anymore, does it matter?”

“I suppose not.” She concedes, still looking very suspiciously at me. After a tense moment of staring, we both nod. The boat is almost to the dock, and Junichirou is still lying on the deck.

Kunikida-san is walking over to him, probably worried about his schedule, we were out here longer than planned. The last thing he wants is for disembarkment to be delayed. Poor Junichirou. 

Kunikida’s Perspective:

I have patience for Junichirou’s affliction, of course I do, but if he doesn’t get up soon, we’ll have to carry both him and the evidence off the boat. I’m sure Kenji wouldn’t mind, but, still . . .

As I look down at him, it’s impossible to miss that he looks more serene than I’ve ever seen him, and on a boat of all places. His breathing is steady and even. He’s hovering on the edge of sleep. I wonder what he’s listening to. White noise maybe? Surely not waves?

I almost don’t want to wake him. Alas, it’s necessary.

“Tanizaki-kun, please get up. We’re at the dock now. You won't feel ill anymore.”

He doesn’t stir. After a moment I give him the lightest of taps with my toe. 

“Mmm, Michi? No. Let me sleep a bit more, okay? I’ll have soup later.”

“Michi? Who’s Michi? It’s me, Kunikida-san. Your superior at the agency.”

He jolts up, eyes wide. Is this “Michi” his girlfriend? If so, I can see how that would be embarrassing.

“Wha– I-I’m so sorry. I thought, uh, I thought that you were, uh, my . . . brother. Yeah, my bro Michi, uh, you know.”

Brother? But, he has no other family members besides Naomi, as far as I’m aware.

I look him dead in the eye, daring him to continue. He powers down his phone, probably ending whatever audio he was listening to.

“Tanizaki-kun, you don’t have a brother.”

He blinks slowly, processing. “M-maybe I do . . .”

“Tanizaki-kun. I don’t really care who you were talking to, but you do need to get up. Come on.”

He looks distinctly relieved as I help him to his feet. He sways a little but seems alright overall.

-

When we return to the office, the President relives Junichirou of his duties for the day.

“Go home, Tanizaki-kun. Rest up.”

“T-thank you, sir.” Junichirou bows deeply, still looking a little shaken.

Poor boy. Today wasn’t easy on him. Kenji apologises for suggesting he come along as he goes, but Junichirou shakes his head, saying it’s fine, telling him not to feel guilty.

Junichirou’s Perspective:

It’s nice that Noami agreed to stay at the office to help out with paperwork in my place. Even a few months ago she would have never.

After lying down for so long, it feels odd standing up. My head spins and my legs feel heavy. I still feel hot with the embarrassment from earlier with Kunikida-san. 

When I’m far enough away from the office, I pull out my phone and dial Michizou again.

The car park feels way too large, and heat radiates off the concretised ground. Since when did the earth rotate so fast? Maybe it’s just me?

“Hey, Jun, you hung up on me earlier, what happened? Are you back now?”

“ . . . Yeah, and I th-think I’m gonna pass out. P-please come pick me up.”

“Shit! Yeah, where are you?”

“Uhh, everything a bit fuzzy honestly.”

“Jun? Shit, uh, stay awake okay, er, sit down if you can, yeah?”

“Yeah.” I do, leaning against some stranger’s car. It does help. “I’m sitting, I’ll share my location.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

-

I open my eyes to the screeching of tyres. It’s close, but I can’t bring myself to move, too afraid I’d only fall. Which I guess doesn’t make much sense since I’m already sitting.

“Jun! Hey, Jun, you good?”

Michizou stands over me. He crouches down, tucking my hair back.

“Hey, come on, let’s get up.”

He starts to lift me but his body is too warm against mine, I shove him off.

“Too hot.”

“Sorry. I’ve got water.” He holds out a thermos, I take it eagerly, almost dropping it, but it doesn’t fall, only floats. It’s cool. I watch it in awe for a minute.

“Jun? Are you alright? You need to drink.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m just a bit out of it.” I must be more ill than I thought, It’s obviously just Michi’s ability that’s making the thermos float.

“Okay, tell me if you feel sick again.”

“Yeah.” Carefully, I take a sip. The cool water does wonder, the fog clearing so quickly it makes me a little dizzy again.

“Better?”

“Much.”

“Good, I have meds at home, and soup too, you’ll need to eat.” He says as he opens the door for me.

I don’t realise that he’s given himself the driver’s side until I’m already under the safety belt, hand movements on autopilot.

“Wait, Michi, you know I have to drive. If I don’t I’ll get sick again.” I start to unbuckle the belt, but it’s a bit harder than usual, with so many straps. Michizou puts a hand over mine to stop me.

“Juni.” It’s a sweet nickname, one he almost never uses. I can count the number of times on one hand, and this is only the second. It makes me feel ready to melt. “You’re all dizzy and shit. Let me drive, yeah? We’ll be home soon.”

“But . . . I’ll get sick again.” It’s babyish of me, I know and I hate how whiny I sound but, “Michi, I really don’t want to be sick again.”

He leans over the console, hugging me from the side. He smells nice, and the motion is gentler than usual. He rubs my shoulder and runs his fingers through my hair. The small action does wonders for the blooming headache, “I know. But you’re not good right now. Just this once? You’re always fixin’ me up when I’m down, so let me help you today.”

His hands feel so good that my eyes start to close. He’s right, there’s no way in any universe I could operate a vehicle like this. And he’s a better driver than me on my best day, more experienced.

“Yeah, I’m dumb.”

“No, you’re not,” he assures. “Just close your eyes. I’ll wake you at home.”

-

When Michizou’s voice draws me from sleep I open my eyes to the sight of the out kitchen counter overhead light. It’s off, sparing me from a worse headache. Am I . . . on the counter? He must’ve carried me in and put me here. I blush a little. There’s something cool on my forehead, a flannel, I think. Do I have a fever? I thought I was just seasick, but maybe . . .

“You’re really warm, not a fever, but I think you got heat stress,” Michizou informs me, his voice drifting in from the bedroom.

“Oh,” Is all I can say. I notice that he’s stripped me down to my pants and tank top. I do feel better. “Why am I on the counter, though?”

He blushes this time, “I dunno, I figured the sofa would be too hot since you’re kinda sweaty.”

“Makes sense.” Our sofa is very warm, and covered with blankets that Gin and Ichiyou-kun gave us.

The room only blurs a little when I sit up. I wring the now slightly warm cloth out in the sink.

“Google said a cool bath would help bring down your temp and with the headache. How sick do you feel? Do you wanna eat first? Or can the meds wait.”

I consider myself for a moment. I’m still a little queasy. I was asleep so I didn’t get sick in the car, but the ride didn’t exactly help. The medication would bring relief, but I’m still worried whatever I eat might come right back up. I hate throwing up. You’d think it’d be easy after all this time, but it hurts. Maybe if I wait it out, the queasy feeling will go away. “Bath first, I think.”

“Kay, I’ll run the water.”

-

The bath fills quickly, and because I don’t have to wait for the water to cool, I can get in right away. It feels like heaven after all day on the hot boat deck. I just soak for a minute, listening to Michizou finish dinner in the kitchen. He’s not amazing at cooking, but he can make about five dishes really well, and soup happens to be one of them.

Michi was right, I am sweaty. I should probably shower.

Lazily, I drain the tub and turn on the shower nozzle. Standing up reminds my stomach of the boat, but the cold water helps.

-

“Soup’s done. There’s cucumber salad too, and watermelon cuz Gin went to the farmer’s market. I gotta cut it though.” 

“Mmm, sounds good. I’m almost done.” I hope my stomach can take it.

“You decided to shower?”

“Yeah.”

“Feeling better?”

“A lot.”

I hear him start to return to the kitchen.

“Wait.”

“Yeah? Do you need help?”

“Could you wash my hair?” I’m grateful he can’t see me, it makes the request easier. I’m so used to having affection sort of forced on me by Naomi, as pure as her intentions may be, that it’s made me shy to ask for it.

“Sure, let me just wash my hands. Be there in a sec.”

-

I hear the tap shut off and Michi’s footsteps, almost silent across the wooden floor.

The door opens. He smiles, softer than his usual fanged grin. He’s holding a pitcher and a stack of clothes. I must’ve forgotten do get mine.

I sit, waiting patiently as he fills it.

“So, did your colleagues find the evidence they were looking for? For all that trouble, they better have.”

The phrasing makes me laugh. “You’re so formal sometimes.”

He looks down, focusing on the label of the shampoo bottle, “Yeah well, my mum had high standards for me growing up because of my brother, she beat it into me before I left. Some of it stuck, I guess.”

I smile, not that can take away all he’s been through, but I can try. “They did find it, I’m not sure what it was though.”

He laughs at that. “Tip your head back.”

I do, letting the cool water cascade over my head.

-

He helps me up.

The clothes in the stack are a mix of mine and his. I borrow from him so much it’s hard to keep track. Well, I say that, but our styles are actually quite distinct. I don’t care, not really. His black tee is well-worn and comfortable.

While I finish dressing, he dries my hair. It’s at times like this when our two-centimetre height difference is noticeable. He doesn’t have to reach up at all. It’s kind of hot, I won’t lie.

-

Thinking about food is one thing, but at the sight of it, I’m suddenly queasy. Not from motion sickness, per se, but just the anxiety that I’ll be sick again if I eat it, a vicious cycle.

“Michi, ‘m gonna-”

He helps me to the sink, rubbing soft circles over my back. 

I haven’t eaten since breakfast, but since I managed to avoid being sick on the boat and in the car, it’s all coming back up. The smell and sight make me sick yet again until my mouth feels disgusting.

“Shit, you’re really not feelin’ good, huh? Maybe I should take your temp again.”

“N-no, m’ not ill. Just worried.”

He seems to get it, as he shifts his hands slowly, running them down my side until his warm palms are against my upset stomach. “I promise, food will make you better, it always does.”

“Y-yeah, I know. M’ just dumb.”

“You really gotta stop sayin’ that.”

“Sorry.”

“That too.”

“Sor- I mean,d pens’t this gross you out.”

“Not really, I’ve seen worse. Besides I’m used to it . . . oh, not from you. You’re fine, I, uh, just had this friend, you know. Anyways, are you good for sec? I’ll get water.”

(A/N: Fukuchi’s always getting hungover lmao)

I nod.

He brings a glass with ice, fills it and hands it to me. I swallow and spit, repeating the process until I can’t taste the bile anymore.

“Better?”

I nod again, still shocked by the rudeness of it.

“You need only eat a bit, just to have something in your stomach before you take the pills. I’m not keen on a repeat of last time.”

There’s that formality again.

Last time. I had a bug so I took paracetamol without eating, got sick then passed out in the bathroom for a few hours.

“Me either.” I let him lead me to the table.

True to his word, and what I know in the back of my mind, the broth is harmless. I manage nearly a whole bowl with a small serving of salad before downing the medication with tea.

-

“See?” He’s smiling as we settle down on the sofa, “You’re fine now.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Now that I’ve cooled down, I miss his warmth again. I pull him closer until he wraps his arms around me.

“I’m so happy that I have you . . . I love you, Michizou.”

Maybe he didn’t hear, but then he leans down, lips brushing my ear, and whispers “Love you too, Juni.”

Suddenly the film isn’t nearly as interesting, not as much as Michizou’s finger in my hair anyway, making me feel all warm and fuzzy. I’m tired today, and I dislike lying, but maybe I’ll tell the President I’m still not feeling so good tomorrow.

Gosh, the things we do for love.

[indigosabyss]

Tentative Champions Roster For Champions x Umbrella Academy S3

Reality changed with a fizzle, and seven pairs of feet digging into ground they were never meant to touch.

"Well, that... wasn't how I was expecting this to go," Kamala noted, hands resting on her hips as she looked at a giant billboard ad of some superhero group.

"Oh, god, are we trapped here forever?" Qureshi asked nervously.

"Data from previous incidents say we shall be back home in a week, maximum," Viv consoled.

"Standard protocol: we link up with the local team here," Kamala said, looking around, "But which of us were caught in the jump?"

~~~

Kamala Khan aka "Ms Marvel"

They watched the fans gathered at the base of the building, clamoring to grab the towel thrown from the roof.

Kamala wrinkled her nose, "Ew."

"I know," Amka rested a hand on her shoulder.

"I wanna bite something, those costumes are so disgusting. How dare they be the only superheroes and do this."

"Shhh, it'll be alright. Don't fight this guy, you know we need them on our side," Amka said carefully, tugging Viv over to grip Kamala's other arm, in case she tried to lunge at him.

~~~~~

2. Vivian Vision aka "Viv"

They were in a standoff in the mansion, the Champs and two other teams that seemed to have a lot more history with each other.

Finally, the silence was broken by a man with a beard, looking desperately at a corridor, "Mom?"

"'Mom'? She's a robot, you pervert," a woman from the Sparrow Academy said.

"Something wrong with that?" Viv asked, irked.

~~~~~

3. Amka Aliyak aka "Snowguard"

Fei called her crows back to absorb them into her back.

One of them, however, didn't meld into her.

Instead, it transformed into a girl in white and blue clothes.

"Surprise!" she grinned, and then turned into a bear.

~~~~~

4. Nadia van Dyne aka "The Wasp"

The crows drove Allison and Klaus into a closet, and were now chipping away on the outside.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" a cheery voice asked from behind Allison while she braced the door.

Both of the Umbrellas yelped, before processing that it was one of the teenagers that had made this whole thing so much more confusing.

This one was the white girl with a bobcut and a poofy skirt.

"We're trying to leave," she pointed out, "But there's murder birds on the other side."

"Also, how'd you get in there?" Klaus asked.

"Snuck in through the gap in the bottom. Pinpoint, get us out of here!" she clapped. A disk of light opened under their feet.

~~~~~~

5. Qureshi Gupta aka "Pinpoint"

They fell through the disk, and landed in blinding sunlight. On a roof.

Allison looked around in surprise, seeing the mansion across the street from them.

"What the hell?" she turned to the girl, "Did you do that?"

"No, I shrink and grow," Bobcut Girl said, "Pinpoint teleports."

A boy standing to the side waved shyly.

"Wow, you're so tiny. Allison, were we this tiny when Dad made us...?" Klaus asked.

~~~~~

7. Fernanda Rodriguez aka "The Locust"

"Coming through!" the girl with the bulky red getup and blue scarf yelled, bringing one massive foot down on Alphonso.

He didn't move, though out of surprise this time than any tactical reason.

The superpowered kick landed, and both him and the girl suffered the full brunt of it, landing side by side on the ground, wheezing.

"You're strong," she said.

"So're you. Super strength?" he guessed, unsure why he was asking. Never fought another super before, after all.

"Nah, don't have powers," she replied, "That's just hydraulics."

Huh.

He thinks he broke a rib.

~~~~~

6. Tommy Shepherd aka "Speed"

They were all catching their breath at the park. Everyone except Tommy, who was nursing a different wound.

"I'm totally going to lose my job," he languished on an entire bench by himself, "And for what? An adventure with the Baby Avengers?"

Viv hummed, "I thought you would be more excited for a mission with me."

He perked up immensely, "Oh, fuck yeah! It's gonna be a brother sister bonding mission! We're gonna make Billy so jealous."

"He's Emperor Consort of two different alien empires. There's nothing you can do to make him jealous," Nadia told him.

Luther looked between them all, "Why're you guys still here?"

[boatem-probler]

WHOAAAAAAAA WE'RE HALFWAY THERE in... Tokyo Soul!

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / You Are Here! / 9

Yes, that's right, with this batch of episodes, we are officially past the halfway point of this show! Well, I'm actually a little further than that, because I've been watching ahead, I've just been lazy about actually making these posts because I don't like updating the navigation on all of them.

We got a twofer this time, as Taurtis is once again not here. In these episodes, the boys finally go to the hospital, Sam is allowed to commit war crimes, and Sam and Grian return to the superstore.

This report contains mentions of: violence, guns, injury, brief transphobia, police/military brutality.

Previously on Tokyo Soul:

“THE MIND SLUGS HAVE ACTIVATED”

This Time...

Episode 28 – THEY ARE BACK!

Grian wakes Sam up to ask him if he heard Taurtis leave the house last night. Grian had heard Taurtis moving around and speaking “some weird language”, and assumed he was “having one of his clone episodes”, implying that this is something he does regularly, and had seen him walk out of the house. Apparently he usually comes back when this happens, but he didn’t this time, and Grian is concerned.

Grian: “He’s kind of like a little puppy, he’ll find his way home, right?” Sam: “Yeah, just like last time when he got deported or whatever and we found him outside the house.” Grian: “No, last time he died, remember?”

Jerry and Dom have replaced the TV with a potted plant.

There’s a Trump caricature named Tronald Drump at school. He’s campaigning for King of Japan. This is when I remember that this series is from late 2015/early 2016 and not from like, 2011.

The cop from before shows up at school, and says that someone named Okami told him to go get Sam and Grian and bring them to the police station.

The police station is lousy with SWAT team members. Okami, Silly, and Pufferfish Pete are waiting in an office.

They want to talk about the alien invasion. Grian is ecstatic that he’s being backed up on this. Pufferfish Pete also claims that Sam and Grian are “sleeper agents” and will be “leading the charge” against the aliens. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually know what a “sleeper agent” is.

Grian: “I’m sorry, what, I thought we were children.”

Grian does not like this one bit, so now it’s Sam’s turn to be ecstatic.

Episode 29 – KILL THE ALIENS!

They change into SWAT gear, and Sam attempts to shoot Grian “to test if the armor works”.

Sam keeps repeating that he is “leading the charge”.

Sam: “You gotta follow my command, okay, Grian?” Grian: “No, the last thing I’m gonna do, in a situation where guns are involved, is listen to you.”

They’re driven to a hospital, where Crab Man Carl gives them the rundown. There are “three or four” aliens hiding in the hospital, they may have “taken over the minds of civilians”. Sam correctly deduces that this means he’s allowed to kill whoever he wants.

He proceeds to stand in Carl’s breakfast and make a rambling movie speech.

Sam is dedicated to roleplaying Independence Day all over this hospital. Grian’s strategy is to just walk up to people and ask if they’re aliens.

Dr. Nurse MD works at this hospital in some capacity, and is getting very irritated at all these guys coming in and harassing the elderly patients.

An old lady starts floating randomly and someone shoots her. Everyone seems confused as to whether she was actually an alien or not. They also kill Tronald Drump for taking too long to answer the question “how many legs do humans have”. It is also unclear whether he was an alien or not. I’m pretty sure neither of them were. Nurse MD is now very angry.

Nurse MD: “I can give you an F.” Grian, pointing a gun at his face: “Do I look like I care?”

Sam: “Someone detain him! Can I get someone to detain that guy?” Grian: “And preferably stab him!”

Sam shoots an old man in the leg. Remarkably, this one is an alien, and pulls out a Giant Anime Sword. They retreat to the next floor and wait for the alien to come up the stairs.

Sam is having the time of his fucking life in this hospital, he’s like a badly trained herding dog just biting everyone’s ankles.

They kill the alien, but lose a SWAT guy.

They continue asking people “questions only humans would know the answer to”. Sam kills a guy for saying humans have two genders, although he seems to think “transgender” is a gender, so I’m not sure I can back him up on this one. Grian is just horrified that Sam killed another human.

They continue through the hospital, killing one more normal elderly woman and finding one more alien.

Episode 30 – DONT LET THEM GET AWAY!

Sam demands a report from Silly, who seems pretty rattled.

They kill that alien, and chase a third up to the hospital roof. They shoot her off, but she survives and gets away.

Sam does a headcount and figures they must have lost about four SWAT guys.

Also you can see the edge of the city where there’s just two big mountains and I don’t know why but it creeps me out a little. It’s the liminal space thing. They’re probably never gonna actually go to or do anything with those mountains, but they’re there on the map still. I dunno.

They bribe Dr. Nurse to stay silent with the credit cards they got from killing Drump.

Then they all go to Sushi Wushi to get coffee. They catch up and reminisce about the past, and all the murder that happened in it.

Sam: “You guys have problems, you know? I just wanna point that out. Everyone here, except for myself, clearly, has very serious mental problems.”

Episode 31 – ROBBERY!

We open on Sam and Grian pretending to watch the TV in Grian’s room. They’re pretending because the TV is broken.

Taurtis is still missing, so they go outside to start looking for him, but they don’t get very far because there’s a mobster outside their house.

The mobster informs them that if they want to see “their friend”, “the blue one”, again, they’ll need to deliver the money that Jin owes the mob. Jin apparently owes them 2 million yen, somehow.

Sam and Grian decide that in order to get this money, they’re going to rob the superstore they worked at for one day, just to really stick it to Jason.

They make it all the way to the store before they’re confronted by their utter lack of plan.

Luckily, there’s some random guy outside the store who happens to be selling alien heads! The perfect disguise!

The boys lead him into an alleyway and hold him at gunpoint, because they don’t actually have any money with which to buy the alien heads. They also take his money.

The actual robbery is kind of a shambles, given that Sam is still wearing his school uniform and both of them keep slipping up and calling each other by their actual names, but they are getting a lot of money, so it’s actually going pretty well… until the cops show up. This is now a hostage situation.

Grian keeps the cops outside by threatening to shoot one of the hostages, while Sam gets all the money out of the bank vault that the store just has.

Just as he’s coming out of the vault though, the cops start heading towards the entrance. Sam and Grian both actually do shoot the hostage, but it doesn’t help them any.

They are now officially in yet another shootout.

Episode 32 – SAVING TAURTIS!

Sam and Grian run up to the second floor, and Sam kills one of the cops. He’s also starting to get confused about whether this is real life or a video game, so Grian shoots him in the foot as a reminder.

Grian builds a dummy with one of the alien heads to distract the cops while they run into the boss’s office. They jump out the window and run out the front entrance. Sam kills another cop on the way out.

They stash their alien heads and some of their guns in a random house, but they get arrested anyway.

Crab Man Carl is disappointed in them.

The police once again have a deal for them: they will help the boys with their mafia problem, if the boys help them with their mafia problem. Or in other words, Grian will go meet up with the mafia while wearing a wire, while Sam and the cops hide out and “protect” him. Like, the cop explaining this put quotes around “protect”, those aren’t mine.

The wire, by the way, is extremely huge and conspicuous and looks a hell of a lot like a bomb. Grian’s mainly worried about how he’s going to explain it when the mafia inevitably notice it. His plan is to tell them he had a head transplant and/or he’s transitioning.

At the warehouse, Grian awkwardly tries to fish for incriminating information while Sam and the cops wander around the catwalks.

The mobsters are getting suspicious of Grian’s questions, so he tries to intimidate them and gets stabbed for his trouble.

Grian switches tactics and demands to see that Taurtis is alive, while Sam and the cops start taking out mobsters. Most of the mobsters get away once they reveal themselves though.

Once all the mobsters are gone, Sam and Grian hurry to the closet thing they saw Taurtis in, only to find… Jerry.

Then they actually try to go to the hospital for Grian’s stab wound, for once, but unfortunately the only person there is a cop who doesn’t actually work there. Needless to say, Grian does not get any help with his stab wound.

Grian Trauma Count!

Deaths Witnessed:

4 SWAT team members

2 old people

2 aliens

2 cops

A non-zero number of mobsters, sorry, I didn't keep count

1 hostage

1 transphobe

1 Tronald Drump

For a total of over 13 deaths!

Injuries Sustained:

Gunshot wounds

Stab wound

Traumatic Events:

Once again the military/police are making high schoolers do their jobs for them.

Friend who already died once goes missing for multiple days.

In more shootouts.

Coerced by the police to help them kill a bunch of mobsters.

Next Time... The Word "Splarging" Is Actually Said Out Loud

[lutawolf]

My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 6

So we begin where we left off. Everyone drugged, sleeping on the table. Let's see how much trouble Boss is going to be in.

Muffin wakes first, letting out a scream that wakes everyone else. As expected, Tew loses his shit when he realizes Guy is missing.

Wish John Lennon has Guy.

Tew tells everyone that he believes they were drugged. The guild wants to help find Guy, but Tew fights them on it because he doesn't want them to get hurt. Eventually they leave and Tew goes into find Guy mode. Both Tul and Tew feeling bad for trusting Boss.

Wow, dumbass really installed an app for Tul to find him. Which leads Tew and Tul right to Boss and Guy. They go in like badasses, showing off why Tew only needed one badass vs a whole set of henchmen.

We have a very bro moment when Tul can't keep going.

Guy wakes up and starts to flip out. We have a very villianish moment, meanwhile Boss finds Tul. And Tul goes off! Not that I blame him. Boss says he has to, which gets him punched.

Discount Lennon scares Guy into screaming for Tew. Then we switch back to Boss and Tul. Tul tells Boss that if he wants redemption, then he has to go help Tew.

And I threw up. The way that fucker started kissing on Guy. Just ewww. I'll give it to Tew, he knows Kenji's triggers. What will piss him off enough to rush into fighting. They trade the knife back and forth while fighting. Finally, when Tew gets the upper had, Kenji pulls out a gun, but he points it at Guy and shots. Boss gets in the way and saves Guy. Leaving room for Tew to attack.

Once again, Tew killed someone and gives no shits. Anti-hero, I tell you. This is made particularly clear when they both look at Boss and just leave him.

I mean, if he hadn't drugged him and taken him in the first place. He wouldn't be shot.

Guess Guy is the forgiving type because he pushes Tul to forgive Boss. Oh wow, even Tew. I mean, he is clearly doing it for Guy, but that is beside the point.

Finally, they are safe at home. Time for sexy time.

Things are not going so easily for Boss, who is trying to smooth things over for Tul. I agree Tul. When they go low, go lower.

Oh Oh, it looks like Boss made headway with that "I really do like you." He might win Tul over yet. Or not, cause home dude just pressed on that wound. Nope, no forgiveness.

Boss's lip quivers and he just looks pitiful.

Guy has a fever. Bringing out nurse Tew.

Tew remember two years previously where he was sent to collect a debt. Him and Tul pass by discount Lennon to meet the dude that has a debt to pay.

Wait! Wish John Lennon was hurt protecting Tew???

Ahhhh so he didn't originally work for Boss Daddy, but it was Tew that talked Boss Daddy into taking him on.

So what caused all this shit then? And fuck! The dick is still alive.

Didn't someone check on that? Guess not.

Guy wakes up looking for Tew and finds a lunch box instead of his lover. Kind of curious to know where he is myself. Especially since he isn't responding to Guy's text.

And it's Wahl again. So excited, yay. Insert sarcasm. Wahl is acting like nothing has changed, and Guy wants the truth. Because Wahl had previously been upset. I find Wahl sus.

Not gonna lie, the whole angle of the picture sounds more like me and my bestie.

Yeah, okay... Wish John Lennon is seriously bent in the head. A little obsessive. Are we sure he isn't harboring a secret love of Tew? The whole villain sees you through the camera and diabolical laugh was cheesy as hell.

Wahl wants to go eat with Guy, but surprisingly it's a no. Guy has finally learned to say no to Wahl. Instead, he is going to go check out his and Tew's restaurant. Wahl wants to come, but Guy says no again. Practice makes perfect!

Guy shows up to find a Business for Sale sign. Tew is pulling a gun from the freezer. He manages to hide it behind his back before Guy walks in. And Tew asks to break up. Can't say I'm shocked by this. Guy loses his shit. Tew tries to walk away but Guy chases after him. He wants some answers.

I understand why Tew is doing this, but damn. He ran Guy off by totally crushing him. Hope he is prepared to watch him run into Wahl's arms.

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Boss, you're helping that low life. WJL doesn't think that Boss Daddy has really let go of Tew.

Wahl forgot his gf's birthday. Damn, girl told of Wahl, but she isn't wrong though.

Poor guy walking through the aquarium, just reliving those memories with Tew. Is it bad that I'm hoping Wahl shows up? Yeah, I know that Wahl isn't that great and that Tew has his reasons buttttt. I still think at this moment, Tew is a bigger ass cause breaking up with him isn't going to convince WJL that he doesn't mean something to him. If nothing else, Tew won't have him close to protect him.

Guess who did show up!!! And honestly in my opinion he is really showing he is best friend material here. Okay, maybe more than best friends, with the way he is moving closer.

Ahhhh!!! I don't know what to think other than this episode was sideways. I'm still showing up for the next one, though, and all together I'm enjoying the story. How is everyone else feeling?

[wooahaes]

i wanna talk about it, so i'm gonna talk about it.

cw for death & loss of a family member, mental health issues, shitty family relationships, suicidal thoughts. just... it's a lot of my thoughts because i need to get them out, end of.

i knew what i signed up for when i told my parents i would be the one taking care of grandma when she entered into hospice. i grieved then, i think, and that's why i've been so... okay now, in a sense. like, it hurts, but it doesn't feel like a new pain. it feels like that phantom ache you get when you think about past heartbreak, or how i feel when i remember my long-time best friend and i aren't speaking to each other anymore because we just drifted apart. i think now i feel both guilty and relieved. relieved that she's no longer struggling because i know my grandma always hated feeling like she's a burden (she's not and she never was, no matter how often we told her this) and being so reliant on us.

and guilty because i had a breakdown in the days leading to her death because everything had weighed down on me so heavily. i hate the things i thought in the heat of the moment while i was sobbing one night after she'd gone to sleep, so angry because of how much things had changed. she was getting worse. the nurse had taken out the catheter because she just couldn't do it anymore, so i was constantly being called to help her with that. i was tired. i just wanted to sleep, and my sleep schedule became this ugly, messy thing of sleeping when i could and being called every 1-2 hours (3 if i was lucky, and i've never been lucky).

i feel guilty that dad was the one who found her. i don't think she struggled. i think it was just... one minute she was here, trying to sip a gatorade, and the next she was gone. i'm glad she didn't struggle. i'm glad she's no longer struggling, even though i miss her. i wish i had eaten dinner with her more often, but she always shooed me away because of that feeling of being a burden. i didn't want to argue with her, so i did what she asked for me. but it's so strange because dad found her, woke me up, and we just... the shock broke both of us, we both cried. he called my mother, i called hospice, and within an hour, we had calmed down and were working on what comes next.

and then an hour later, we were all sitting together with the hospice nurse, waiting for the funeral home to come and get her, and we were laughing over stories. it was so strange. it was almost like we had all moved on quickly, except no one had because there was this tension in the air. i think if we hadn't been laughing and talking, we would have been crying. i think i'm honestly grateful that we were laughing.

i told a lot of my close friends. i vaguely posted here because i knew i'd talk about it more later, but i told my friends pretty much outright. initially it was shock posting, of me breaking because it happened so suddenly. and then i talked more with people. i decided that i just wanted normalcy for the most part, that i'd reach out to people or talk with them all if i needed to talk.

it just feels so weird. life moves so fast. i just want it to slow down for a minute.

the funeral is this afternoon and i'm not going. my parents understood even though my mother won't stop bitching about how she wishes i would go so she doesn't have to. i know it's because it's physically hard for her to go, but she's not the one who spent almost 6 weeks caring for grandma around the clock. she's not the one who was emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of it, the one who woke up every day wishing to kill herself because all of the stress was getting to her.

our relationship was actually good for a minute, but now she's back to being the bitch she's always been. one of my friends said something about the way his step dad used to be: if he was having a bad day, then everyone had to feel the effects of it. and while he grew, my mother's always been this way and always will be this way. she's never going to change. if she was, she would have changed by now. she knows she's hurt me. she's asked for forgiveness not because she felt remorse, but because she's worried about not getting into heaven or whatever. i wish she'd just realize we're never going to agree on anything, so avoid those topics so that we can pretend we're fine because i leave and never speak to hr again. it's what i do.

we're moving into my grandma's house. it was left to us in the will, and now it feels weird to go through so many of her things. we've already made the decision to donate her clothes (she was a tiny woman and all of us are very much not tiny) to a women's shelter in our city. we're slowly going through things, figuring out what we're selling, what we're keeping, what just needs to be thrown out. it feels like no one else here cares even though i know my dad does. he's lost both of his parents now, after all. it's hard on him and he's never going to show it because he's never been an emotional man.

i'm so tired. i just want all of the hard parts to be over now.

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

Blossom Vibes

This is my ultimate album for Blossom vibes. It has everything. Just pop it on and let your mind wander. I almost don't want to explain it because it would take me three hours to go through every single song with my hot takes.

But if you do listen, I highly recommend listening to the whole album in order. It's meant to be listened to that way.

I'm just gonna grab some choice lyrics. Some songs are just Cheryl. Some are Cheryl/Jason. Some are The Blossoms. Some are CHONI.

We Know Where You Sleep

Close your eyes when we kiss… ‘Cause I am prepared to set myself on fire for this

2. The Kids Will Grow Up to Be Assholes

You don't want your messes cleaned You don't want your bodies fixed You don't want your problems solved, stories all resolved You'll have nothing to lean on You don't want your stitches sewn 'Cause then you'll have the big unknown We'll be watching you so watch your mouth… You better watch your mouth

3. Wait Until I Get My Hands on You

So go ahead, hold your breath Be my guest, see if I care ‘Cause it's your life, it's your face in the place of the mirror And here's to you, merci beaucoup But wait 'til I get my hands on you That's all you will get – a bear hug from your armless brother So save your teeth for the toothy grins to your mother

4. You Will Never Take Me Alive

Did you know that you nurse a beehive? Come and get it! Come take me alive All our noses are aiming at grisly frontiers We will show this cruel world… We will show this cruel world we were here

5. Delivered in a Firm Unyielding Way Lingering for Just a Bit Too Long to Communicate the Message “I Own You”

She usually comes to see me at night, and she— she lives up in the attic, and sometimes when my friends come around, she— she hides from them.​

Um, a lot of, uh, household items go missing. We've had guests that— that have encountered her.​

She likes this place. She likes the attic especially, that's why she lives up there.​

6. The Most Important Part of Your Body

‘Cause when you know too much Aren't you able-bodied, dear I think you know too much The mind knows what the mouth wants

7. You're One of Them Aren't You?

Go ahead, good friend, scream all you want to You're legless and limping and lost and it's just like they like you And I can feel your tender bodies coming near I see 'em hanging from the crystal chandelier I'm hope for the hopeless I'm help for the helplessly hopeful Life is long when you're lonely The ugly, the unclean, the unfit will fuck the unhappy

8. The Song Will Eat Itself

Singing strong knees, clean kidneys Singing for sharp minds Let's organize before they rise Singing strong knees, clean kidneys Singing so they hear Let's let this world know we were here

9. ...And All the Candy You Can Eat

And that's the fever talking, honey "I've come to fatten you up" 'Cause I'm an open book, my honey Except for when the book is shut

10. All Manner of Pox and Canker

The baby hair you saved Will circle around their drains They got a big sick surprise for you… Yeah, it's, it's in the oven, it's in the oven

11. At the Other End of the Leash

I come home right on time Calmly loosen my necktie We stare at the wall watch We're moving the furniture around I come home first in line Wanna loosen my necktie But it's your world we live in We're moving the furniture around

12. The House is Alive and The House is Hungry

I want a man who splays down in the street The swinging bodies and the children in the wet concrete The house with the laughing windows Spilling blood like a cheap innuendo

I love you, do you love me? Let's set our hair on fire Let's twist our bodies down over coals Let's give them something they can't ignore I love you, do you love me? Let's set our house on fire Let's cast a mirror right back at fear Let's show this world we were here

[itsohh]

Hate is a Strong Word

A/N: Female reader

Day 3: Hate sex

Word count: 1134

Warnings: smut

AO3 Kinktober Masterlist

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep that caused the throbbing in your head. Or perhaps it was the pure amount of work you did say by day. No, you knew what it was. It was the loud boyish voice behind you that had you at the end of your wits. His loud laughter was joined by the giggles of a new nurse. It made you regret ever becoming a doctor. There was a scowl on your face only noticed by your co-doctor in front of you.

He let out a little chuckle and took the piece of paper that was in front of you. "Frown any harder and you might actually kill them with your mind."

"Really?" You gave him a hopeful look and he barked out a single laugh.

"No. Why don't you go chase the nurse off and then take a lunch break. Maybe when you come back you will have an element of life to your eyes."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright I'll take a break, you gonna be alright here by yourself Ravi?"

"Sure will. Take your time, I got this."

You started to pack up your gear and washed your hands decently before you turned to head towards the door. Håvard and the nurse still awfully flirted with each other as you approached.

"Nurse, how's the patient in room 6?" It wasn't too often that the Nighthaven medical center had occupants. Most of the time you were doing research but on the odd occasion people would get injured in the line of work or in training.

"Oh uh-"

"Please go tend to him. I shouldn't have to ask you." She sunk down into her boots at your harsh voice and practically sprinted away.

"Ah, why you gotta chase her off. She's not doing harm."

"The pair of you were in my way. Besides, I'll not have a patient neglected because the pair of you are making googly eyes." You pushed past him and unfortunately for you, Håvard decided to latch onto you.

"Ah doctor, come on. Couldn't you go check up on them?"

"I'm going on my lunch break."

"I'll come with you." He invited himself and you let out a small groan.

"Fine. Just shut up for a moment." The pair of you started to make your way to the cafeteria.

"You love my voice though!"

"No. I don't. You make it impossible to work around you."

Håvard paused his moments for a moment and you continued walking. He suddenly ran up in front of you and started to walk backwards so his face was directed to yours. Something had clicked in his mind. Håvard gave you a smug smile that your annoyed expression became confused at.

"You know, if I was such a distraction… You could have just said so."

"You're a distraction and a pain in my ass. Try to be quiet when people are working."

He let out a laugh and grinned. "You don't need to play it off. I know it's hard to resist these looks." You stopped dead in your tracks and stared at him.

"Are you fucked in the head or something?"

"It all makes sense! You were jealous, don't worry babe there's plenty for me to go around." His eyes sparkled for a moment. "But if you’re so insistent I'm sure we can-"

You grabbed his collar and pulled him into the nearby supply room. It wasn't too big but it did comfortably fit the pair of you inside. "Look I don't know what the fuck’s gotten into your head and I've tried to be professional about this but Håvard, I hate you. I despise you with every inch of my soul. You're the annoyance that keeps on annoying. I would rather die than spend more than two minutes near you. The fact that Kali keeps you around is beyond my comprehension and if it was up to me I would have fired your ass the second you first walked through those doors."

You shoved him against the shelves as you fired off at him, your finger prodded into his chest with every word. A light pant settled over you and you took a step back. Håvard simply stared at you.

"You're really hot when you're angry, did you know that?"

Sirens went off in your mind and you lunged to strangle the man but he intercepted your action. He caught your body, pulled you in close, and before you could realise it, his lips were on yours. At first you went to pull away but your body betrayed you. You melted into his warm and soft embrace

His lips bruised on yours and you certainly had the strength to push him away if you wanted to. But you didn't. Your lips molded with his, his tongue darted over yours as he held you in that embrace. Håvard's arms were wrapped around your waist which secured you against him. Your entire body pressed completely flush against him.

Only when the pair of you needed air did you break away with a small pant. "I hate you so fucking much."

"You know what they say about hate. It's the strongest emotion next to love. The deeper the hate the deeper the love?" He cocked a brow with a signature smile and you stared at him for a second.

"Stop fucking talking." You lunged forward and smashed your lips against his once again. Håvard pushed against you and suddenly turned you. It took one step for him to push you against the bare wall with ease. He hooked his hands under your knees and lifted you up into the air. Sandwiched between him and the wall you clawed into his perfect blonde hair with a groan. His lips danced over your neck and you couldn't help but tug his hair, despite it all, he knew exactly what he was doing.

"We will never talk about this ever again." You breathed and you could feel the way he laughed into your skin.

"Whatever you like babe."

"God I fucking hate you so much." You pulled him against you as he grind his pelvis into yours. The friction was well met and you couldn't help but wet your lips at the thought and feel of his cock. You could feel it so distinctively through your pants and his.

You didn't know what was worse, his horrible flirting that he serially did or the fact he could back it up. Your legs wrapped around his waist and it gave him the support to let go of you with one of his hands. It sunk up between the pair of you and pawed at your breast through your white shirt. It started to flick at your buttons and you made a pointed look towards the man.

"We don't have very long here and you wanna spend it playing with my tits?"

Håvards brows shot up and his mouth parted for a moment in shock. It quickly changed as a sparkle entered his eyes. He let go of you and placed you on the ground for a moment. Håvard was quick to undo his pants and free his aching cock from its restraints. Before you could really move, his hand cupped your cunt through your pants and pressed his lips against yours. Despite his rough action and rubbing with his hand, the kiss was rather sweet and tender. The type you would share with a lover or partner. Not a one night stand.

It was easy to lose yourself in it, to melt into his embrace. Warm and inviting, you could almost imagine yourself at him. Almost. His fingers pulled down the zip of your pants and gave them a decent tug. They fell to the floor with ease and he picked you up once again.

His cock was warm against your cunt, a welcome friction that had you moaning quietly against his lips. "Don't worry about marking me up, I'm pretty good at makeup." He winked the second the pair of your lips parted and you couldn't help but roll your eyes at the man and your nails tug into his flesh.

"Oh if you want to give me battle scars to show off though.." He hummed at the thought and you pulled his face against yours again.

"Shut. Up." Your nails racked to the front of his chest and he aligned himself with you so he could easily push in. Håvard wasn't lacking in size and now that he had finally entered you, you could really feel the extent of it. His curved cock slipped into your wet cunt with ease.

You didn't want to make a sound, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction but then he started to move and that thought went out the window. In order to stifle your moans, you tore your lips away from his face and buried it into his shoulder. Håvard's strong hands bounced you on his dick with ease and you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

"That feels good, yeah?"

Never had you ever felt so right, your mind grumpy with you but your body? In pure bliss. Håvard knew exactly what he was doing, he knew exactly how to fuck into you. That curved dick of his rubbing against that sweet spot just an inch inside yet gently caressing all of you at the same time. His hand pressed on your mound, his thumb on your clit making circles. It only made you tighten around you and whimper a little bit more into his shoulder. "Cum for me, do it. I've got you. I'm here." His voice is a little softer than usual. Not quite that usual brash and arrogant voice that you were used to.

A light gasp let your mouth as your legs trembled. His shoulder the cries of pleasure that left your mouth as your body came undone. You clenched down around him and his voice became a bit higher. Håvard bucked in and out of you as he came, panting in your ear, singing small praises that were surprisingly romantic and reassuring.

The pair of you stayed like that for a moment as your high slowly died down and the reality of what you just did dawned upon you. It was a heavy weight that came crashing down but for some reason you couldn't bring yourself to regret it. You tapped his arm to let you down and you slowly learnt how to stand again.

A couple of minutes later you had pulled your pants up and fixed yourself. Håvard had a dopey satisfied look on your face. "We will never speak about this again or else I will seriously hurt you. I don't want to see even a vague post on your Instagram, you hear me?"

"You follow my Instagram?" His eyes lit up and you mentally slapped yourself.

"Of course, someone has to tell Kali when you're posting shit you're not allowed to. I mean it. Post nothing-"

"Your secrets are safe with me babe." He winked

"And don't call me that."

[tiefighter]

hey for my rounder/biggerbodied/overweight babes who're gonna go get chest surgery, let me give u some advice (I got ftm masculisation surgery, but aside from the shit about binders and removal this is also applicable to bbw trans women/nb people who are getting breast implants, afaik.)

1: don't go completely flat, it'll look so unnatural you'll wanna like, stab urself in the neck. Pectoral muscles have a natural curve, and I know the urge to go like NAH SON TOO MUCH is real high, but once you're healed you'll be grateful for the more natural look to your chest. I'm not saying get like, moobification surgery, just stress to your surgeon that you'd like a natural look. If you have a good surgeon, they'll be able to do it anyway/are way ahead of you. for mtf, you'll want something manageable/not too big! I know the urge when you're a bigger person is to go bigger to fill out tops/dresses, but trust me too much weight up there will DESTROY your back, please be kind to your spines. 2: recovery binders. Get one with fuckin shoulders, or if you can't find one with shoulders, get someone you know (or yourself) to sew shoulders into the thing. A really uncomfortable fact of having a belly/fat shoulders/back is that it /will/ fold your binder and it fucking hurts, and most of the time you need someone else to help you adjust over those first couple of weeks. and when I say it hurts, i mean it /hurts/, it'll compress tighter on your incision site and press the scar and it hurts like all fuck. (transwomen! your bras are supposed to fit flush against your body, if the middle of the cups is sitting away from your body or your band is too tight you're not in your size! get professionally fitted, I promise it sounds like bullshit but it'll save you so much money/pain in the long run.)

3: If your surgeon gives you the willies, and you have another option, dump them immediately. I did just that, and we only have two options on my side of the country (Australia!) Turns out, the surgeon I ended up with is the one that does all the corrections on the other person, and i would've met him anyway to get my chest fixed. 4: breast tissue does go all the way under your armpit. If a surgeon tells you it doesn't, and you just need to lose weight to get rid of it, they're fucking lying and also shit at their job.

5: I know the urge is to hide yourself away during healing and then, towards the end when you're like IM FINE you wanna go out and do things but let me tell you something if you've never had surgery before. You are gonna want that recovery time. you essentially got into a knife fight and fuckin lost. You're gonna be EXHAUSTED. you'll need someone to check up on you, and if you live alone and don't have anyone, look into medical assistance/nurses in your area who can come and help you with your binder if it's causing trouble.

6: My darlings. My sweethearts. My absolute fuckin superstars. Don't go fucking swimming/to the beach/soak in a bath until your surgeon says it's okay. If you get too much moisture in there, your skin will literally rot and fall off. Don't do it. Just don't. Behave, please. I know it's like, it won't happen to me but I SHOWERED too much and now I have a frankennipple. Don't be me. Don't franken your nipple.

7: be kind to yourself. Yeah, you're not skinny. yeah, a lot of androgynous/male oriented fashion relies on you being a skinny bitch. Let me be the first to tell you: boobas make hormones. You are losing those hormones, and your body is adjusting. you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. I swear to whatever nondenominational deity you want me to, you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. Let your hormones readjust, let yourself feel the relief. Wear a fucking dress if you want, top surgery won't take that away from you. for the ladies, wear whatever the fuck you want, we don't give a fuck, just make sure your new tatas are properly supported! You don't want them to drop or warp wrong, make sure to wear something that helps you with support. boobs over a certain size will naturally have weight to them, and that's totally fine! It's just if you're stretching your scars too much you're gonna give yourself some damage, find a trans woman who has had surgery similar to you, or talk to anyone who has had breast enlargement surgery. 8: if you have to work/go to school/etc after your surgery, set yourself time limits if it's a thing you're able to do. I know a lot of employers are grade a cockdolphins, and they're not gonna listen, so go and bleed on them if you have to. Do it. I don't give a fuck and neither should you. Being alive is better than being dead.

9: use the healing excuse to tell people who are bad for you/not good about your surgery/being cunts to fuck the fuck off. hey no can't see you, I'm healing. I don't care about your fuckin church study or your desire to look at the shiny new replaced nipples, get fucked. Cut them off like they're the tits you abandoned. They're excised skin. Biohazardous waste.

10: you're gonna be bored as fuck, please get something to do. lego/reading/watching tv/gaming/whatever you can do within your physical and mental power, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking the time to do things like this, and enjoying yourself. you just lost a knife fight you paid for. Be nice.

[sams-venting]

Ough ok, today's eaps episode really Got to me and boy I was not prepared

I find it interesting, that the things that would trigger and harm other people, I love to seek out as a hobby. Shock sites, well made args, real life disappearances in the woods, existential conspiracy theories, etc. shit my schizo ass Really shouldn't be indulging but I do anyway for the sillies even tho it triggers persecutory hallucinations (please for the love of God don't do as I do). I find morbid and gorey shit fascinating

but then you just, have something simple as a 'make a wish kid' concept in a silly little VRC rp. and. it really fucks with me

because like, I'm never Not aware of how little time I have left. I am constantly under the ticking tower of death. Everyone talks about graduating college, getting a career, getting married, being able to live on their own. and I?-

I am just stuck. I'll maybe get to accomplish One of these and that's it. Knowing that I most likely won't live to see my 30s. And in two more months, the clock ticks down to 6 years left. 6 years till I develop bone marrow cancer or skin cancer from my immunosuppressant. And that's assuming that I survive till then, the never ending surgeries that remove my organs piece until there's nothing left; assuming I don't catch a skin or respiratory infection that everyone else can fight off except for me; assuming that I don't resume trying to overdose like I should've done when I was 14, before the universe decided I was a parasite it had to slowly kill off; assuming I survive living in a sundown town; assuming I don't die in a freak accident like a normal american on the highway; assuming I don't give into the impulse to do opiods to escape the neverending pain; assuming I'm able to get my shit together and take care of myself without having some needing to intervene before I literally wither away; etc. I could keep going about how the former prognosis is infact a positive outlook by all calculations.

Surprisingly, I've come to terms with this a few years ago. It's not a big deal. Well I mean it is, but it's nothing that can't be worked around. Everyone lives on borrowed time, we are never promised tomorrow anyway. The wise say to live like very day is you last, and whether I like it or not, I have the most reason to follow that compared to the average Joe

But what they don't tell you, is that, you never go through the grieving process once or twice. When you know your time is going to be up in less than a decade, it doesn't Ever stop. You just suffer the same stages over, and over, and over, and over again. Till you're fine. and then the next day your brain decides the last dozen times wasn't enough, time to process the state of our mortality all over again :) bc why not :) :) fml in particular ig

And honest to God that is the worst part of this all. It's not the colonoscopies, it's not the endoscopies, it's not the surgeries, it's not the thousands of needles that I've been stabbed with to the point where I can rate nurses like it's doordash. It's the grieving process that won't stop repeating once you know you're going to die

Anyway I just- I don't even know if I can finish the episode, and I'm only a few minutes in. This might honestly be the first video I'll ever have to skip. and it's SO FUCKING STUP:ID. Like I can go through all of this other bullshit jsut fine and not bat an eye, but THIS, THIS IS THE BREAKING POINT??? Fucking pathetic. I hate myself so mcuh tjhis is so stupid and I hate it. I think what I hate most is how I can never fucking get over myself. boo hoo so fcuking what. Just push through and stop being a limp dick coward for two mcfucking seconds. It's not even real, are we really gonna get our panies bunched up over pixles ona fucking screen? Is this Really the level we want to stoop to? Fukcing piece of shit good for nothing idiot.

It's not like I don't know Why it affects me so badly. It's all so stupid but I Know why. For fucks sake, I got body slammed into fnaf as a whole to cope with the fact my grandma literally got admitted to the hospital for emergency brain cancer surgery on the hour of Thee solar eclipse that happened in April. When she got admitted to hospice in May and we were dealing with the funeral, obsessing over the dca and later solar lunacy and TSAMS was the only thing keeping me sane.

Words cannot describe accurately just how fucked it is not only to watch someone else lose their mind as they're dying (and knowing that one day that's going to be me, and that's the future I have to look forward to), but also get slapped with traumatic flashbacks from my own medical procedures. It's almost funny in a twisted way how the simple smell of saline solution and cleaning alcohol can fuck a guy up. Istg I've never had my surgery scars impossibly itch in the worst way possible except when I'm around it in recovery wings.

Honestly I wish none of it affected me. Not to be selfish on main or anything, I'm just sick of wasting wasting what precious little time I have on pissing and moaning over things no one can change.

Maybe I'll be in a better headspace to watch EAPS later tomorrow or something. Hopefully. I despise the idea of trauma having any control over what I do and don't do in my life, and if there's one thing anyone should know about me, it's that I live on pure spite. Nothing will stop me istg, even if it kills me. People identify as male or female, and then you have me, certified stubborn little shit supreme

P.S. If you know who I am, don't bother trying to contact me outside of this post. I'm making it 'anonomus' bc I don't want ppl pussy footing around with sympathy or any of that bs. It's not wanted, and I hate the simple concept of being treated differently just bc I'm medically fucked. I can't stand ppl throwing pity parties for me. I ain't got time for that shit. literally. Also I already have hives and a migraine from crying while venting, don't make me relive these emotions please

Anyway, this is your local lunatic signing off. I've got fanfiction to write before I die, and I refuse to kneel to fate until all 3 of my main projects are finished - Winter

.