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deepspacedukat · 6 months ago

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The Defector (And His Doctor) - Part Two

MOAR SOUP FOR THE POINTY SOUL. I was a lil too verbose in this chapter (it's WAY longer than the first one), so there will be an epilogue, and FEAR YE NOT A LONG WAIT, FOR I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN IT AND IT SHALL BE POSTED MERE MOMENTS (probably less than an hour) AFTER THIS. *ahem* Enjoy! 😇

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

Part 1 here.

~*~

Beverly Crusher (ST:TNG) x Alidar Jarok (ST:TNG)

[A/N: This chapter has smut/is smut adjacent, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Spoilers for ST:TNG S3E10 "The Defector", interspecies sex, Human/Romulan sex, implied Human/Romulan sex, non-explicit interspecies sex, innuendo, flirting, romance, angst, guilt, mentions of poison, if you've seen the episode then you know the ending gets a little dark, suicidal ideation, but there's a happy ending, Jarok needs therapy, and Bev is gonna make sure he gets it, confused/well-intentioned/trying-his-best Data, smug Tomalak.

~*~

**Day Two**

A day in the Reman mines would be less infuriating than this. Admiral Jarok, under the alias of Sub-lieutenant Setal, had battled back and forth with Commander Riker and Counselor Troi all morning with neither side making any headway.

"You're forcing yourself to hold back," the Betazoid counselor had stated with near-maddening calmness, and she hadn't been wrong.

"I have told you everything relevant about Nelvana Three," he'd fired back, but neither of the Starfleet officers had been convinced. The two had teamed up and pressed him on and on, until finally he'd snapped at them, shouting about how irrelevant their inquiries were to their current situation. "What a fool I've been to come looking for courage in a den of cowards..."

The interrogation had ended shortly after his biting remark. Jarok shouldn't have been surprised, but he really had thought that Starfleet would show a modicum of bravery in the face of impending war. Thus far, the only true fortitude he'd seen had come from the beautiful Doctor Crusher.

Ah, the doctor. Her smiles coupled with that fiery red mane made him wish that he'd had a reason to remain in the medical bay for much longer.

Just thinking of her as he strode back inside his quarters made the scowl melt off his features. Since he had effectively exiled himself from Romulus, he would have to make a new life. Maybe, if she was willing...?

No. No, he needed to temper his thoughts, at least until the dust had settled from this situation. But...he supposed it wouldn't hurt if he made his interest known. Nobody ever complained about a few extra compliments, so he could allow himself to flirt harmlessly with her.

He didn't even know if she had a mate. He really ought to check, first. If she had a partner, he would keep his flirtations to a minimum. After all, Jarok was here to stop a war, not disturb a family's peace. His own sham of an arranged marriage was not an excuse for him to cause unnecessary problems for others.

Pulling up the limited biographical profile that the computer allowed him access to, the Admiral sipped his replicated water and skimmed the information before him. Her age, rank, qualifications, and commendations were included, as well as a note that she had a son who was an acting officer onboard the Enterprise. When he reached her marital status, guilt wound its way through Alidar's heart.

She had been married, but her husband had died when her son was very young. She'd been forced to raise her child alone while also maintaining her career? He could tell from the moment he met her that she was a strong woman, but that particular revelation was one he hadn't expected.

Had he crossed a line when he flirted with her before? Jarok was aware that some people never pursued relationships after losing a spouse, either out of guilt or a preference not to risk their hearts again. Perhaps he should take a slightly more cautious approach to this...

Walking to the control panel that Riker had showed him how to use the day before, he opened a communication channel with the ship's first officer.

"What can I do for you, Setal?" He sounded purely professional. After the questioning session earlier, he was surprised that the Human sounded that unaffected. Reluctantly, Jarok admitted to himself that he was impressed.

"Commander, that medical officer who examined me yesterday - Doctor Crusher, I believe her name was - I need to see her, if you don't mind," he said trying to sound as casual as possible. "I feel as though I might be coming down with something."

"I'll ask her to come by your quarters at her earliest convenience." When the channel closed, the Admiral smiled to himself. Now, he would find out whether there was a chance of experiencing some small amount of joy in his exile.

After her discussion with the Captain the previous night, the request from Commander Riker to visit Setal's quarters made Beverly wish that she'd stayed in bed. The Romulan had seemed so charming when he was in sickbay, but as Jean-Luc had correctly pointed out, it was entirely possible that he could've given himself those burns and lied about everything.

Grabbing a medkit from their storage shelf, the Doctor straightened her blue lab coat and made her way down the corridors.

What could she say to him after yesterday's conversation that wouldn't make her feel conflicted? She knew it was her duty as a Starfleet officer to question his motives, but...after all, he had asked for their help. Would he really give up his home for a mere ruse?

Unfortunately, she didn't know enough about Setal or his people to answer that question with any sort of confidence.

Within moments she found herself outside his door, staring at the panel beside it as if it might bite her.

"Don't be ridiculous. He's just another patient," she murmured under her breath. Before she could second-guess the action, she activated the door chime and stood a little straighter.

When the door slid open at his behest, she stepped inside and found her one and only Romulan patient staring out at the stars with a glass of water in his hand. He turned to face her, and when their eyes met, a swarm of butterflies seemed to alight in her abdomen.

No. She couldn't do this now. He asked for a medical officer, not a schoolgirl with a crush.

"Commander Riker said you needed a house call," Beverly stated as she looked Sub-lieutenant Setal up and down. Whatever was wrong with him wasn't immediately evident, but maybe his injuries from earlier ached more than she'd anticipated. The Federation still knew so little about Romulan physiology that sight-only diagnosis was nearly impossible. "What are your symptoms, Sub-lieutenant?"

A smile filled with mischief stretched his lips.

"Loneliness, Doctor. One of the most painful afflictions known to sentient species across the universe," the Romulan answered as he took a few slow steps toward her. "I had hoped that the most charming Terran I've ever had the fortune to meet would give me the honor of a few moments' conversation."

Beverly's cheeks burned. She'd found Setal attractive from the moment he walked into her Sickbay, but she really couldn't afford such a distraction, especially with the threat of war looming over them.

"My, what kind words for someone whom you barely know. Do you speak to all Human women like that?"

"Truthfully, I have never spoken to a Human woman before you, and if I do in the future, it certainly won't be like this," he said gesturing to the couch.

Beverly hesitated. She really shouldn't allow a patient to speak to her in such a familiar manner, but...there was something about him she just couldn't resist. Eventually, she let out a quiet sigh and took a seat on the sofa, setting her kit and medical tricorder aside. The Sub-lieutenant sat a comfortable margin away, and despite her knowing better, she found herself wondering what it would feel like to run her fingers through his hair. The smattering of gray in his sideburns made him look quite distinguished. Whatever his age was, Setal wore it well.

"Your curiosity is practically tangible, Doctor. May I ask what's on your mind?" Her eyes flicked up to his, and the sparkle she found there drew an involuntary smile to her lips. She certainly couldn't tell him what she was really thinking about, so she settled for the next best thing.

"May I ask why you wanted to talk to me in particular if you wanted appealing company? There are undoubtedly much prettier Ensigns and Lieutenants aboard–"

"That is quite a subjective statement, and frankly, I find it inaccurate," he murmured, and she looked at him curiously. Beverly knew she was a decently attractive woman, but...really, why had he chosen her? "Speaking candidly, Doctor, I found it...refreshing that you were not intimidated by me while you were treating my injuries. You dared to request that I, a Romulan officer with three times the strength of a Human, remain still after making a joke about how I got those burns in the first place. And you did so without flinching."

She raised an eyebrow and tried very hard to ignore the little stab of fear in her gut.

"Are you telling me you got them some other way?" She hoped her probing question had sounded like she was teasing him rather than trying to discover whether Jean-Luc was right. A slow, appreciative smile stretched his lips, and he took a slow sip of his water before setting the glass aside.

"I didn't take a plasma torch to myself, if that's what you are implying, Doctor, though, I do thank you for assuming that I would have the strength of will to intentionally mutilate myself in pursuit of the Empire's interests," Setal said as he turned to face her more fully, draping his arm along the back of the sofa. His knee just barely brushed hers. "I would die for my people, yes, but I must admit that I am rather allergic to pain."

A huff of laughter bubbled up through her relief and slipped past her lips before she could stop it.

"It was an accident," he clarified. "I was attempting to complete multiple tasks at once - fly the ship, dodge phaser fire from the warbird, and repair systems before they could go down... There came a point where I neglected repairs long enough for the conduit next to my station to explode. Regrettable, but I considered that a small price to pay to save my life...and the lives of countless others, assuming that your people believe me in time to avert a war, of course."

She searched his face as he spoke, but he was either a very good actor, or he was telling the truth. Her intuition told her it was the latter.

"For what it's worth, I believe you." Beverly knew she shouldn't be admitting that, but she was inclined to tell him the truth. After all, whether she bought his story or not, it was ultimately up to the Captain to decide whether to pursue his leaked information.

Setal looked at her with a lopsided grin.

"Now, that is a pleasant surprise," the Sub-lieutenant began, "but I wonder, will your honesty still be present when we dine together?"

Beverly's heart beat an alarming rhythm in her chest at the presumptuous question, and she raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"I don't recall receiving any such invitation, Sub-lieutenant," she murmured, and she was proud of how steady her voice sounded despite the excitement pooling within her. She really shouldn't be excited about dining with a Romulan, defector or not, she supposed, but then...he was extremely charming.

"Ah, my apologies for getting ahead of myself–" he didn't look sorry in the least "–but would you allow me to share a meal with you?"

"I'm on duty," Beverly pointed out, but Setal was not deterred.

"Surely, you are permitted to break for sustenance at some point? Or are all Starfleet Doctors required to starve themselves? How do your Vulcan friends put it, 'the needs of the many,' I believe...?" She contemplated refusing - surely there was a conflict on interest somewhere in accepting? The Sub-lieutenant's expression was hopeful and a bit playful, and mentally, Beverly acknowledged that she really shouldn't want to know him as much as she did. "If it makes you feel better, you may of course choose where we eat. I'm quite comfortable to bend to your whims. We can remain here if you are ashamed to be seen with a Romulan, if you are wary of being alone with one of my kind we can eat in your ship's mess hall, or if there is another place you'd prefer...?"

"The brig it is, then," she teased, but realizing how that might've come across, she winced. Damn her sharp tongue–

A low, rich laugh shook her out of her thoughts.

"If that is what you desire, I swear to be the most willing prisoner that you have ever had, Doctor." His good humor was infectious, and Beverly found herself smiling even as her combadge chirped.

"Crusher here."

"Sorry to disturb your appointment, Doctor, but I wanted to let you know that the patient requiring shoulder surgery is being prepped and should be ready for you in a few minutes." Nurse Ogawa was professional as always, and Beverly acknowledged the message before turning back to Setal. To her surprise, he was watching her with undisguised interest.

"Forgive me for keeping you here for so long, Doctor," he murmured in a softer voice than she'd heard from him before. "I am truly grateful for the company."

She knew it was wrong, but she smiled as she picked up her medkit.

"It's alright. You can make it up to me at lunch. Twelve-hundred hours," she said as she got to her feet. A look of delighted surprise crossed his features, and as she turned to leave his quarters, she smirked. "Come to Ten-Forward, though. Not the brig."

"I will, Doctor," he called, and without looking back, she made her way back to Sickbay.

Jarok couldn't wipe the smile off his lips after the Doctor's visit that morning. He was in a better mood when he strode off to Ten-Forward than he had been since he made the decision to leave Romulus.

Upon entering the recreational area, the Admiral was struck first and foremost by the view. Across the entirety of the far wall were viewports. Stars whizzed by as the Enterprise traveled through space, and he had to admit that he understood why this spot was apparently so popular.

"Hi. Sub-lieutenant Setal, right?" A cheerful voice sounded at his side, and Jarok turned to find a young man looking at him with typical Human curiosity. There was something familiar about him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what.

"I am. And you are?"

"Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher," the boy answered, and Jarok's eyes went wide.

"You're the Doctor's son."

"Yes, sir." No wonder the young man wasn't looking at him with suspicion like the rest of the crew - he had his mother's courage.

"And what is your specialty? Are you going to command a starship one day, or perhaps become a medical officer like your mother?"

"Oh, neither. Wes is bound to be an engineer," another voice called out, and striding over was an officer wearing a metallic visor. He clapped Wesley genially on the shoulder and offered the Admiral his hand in greeting. "Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge. Pleasure to meet you Sub-lieutenant."

Jarok shook the hand that La Forge offered him.

"Well, this future engineer obviously has a dash of bravery in him if he's not afraid to approach a terrifying Romulan," Jarok snarked, and the boy just laughed.

"Would you like to join us for lunch, sir?" Wesley asked, but before he could answer, a hand grasped Jarok's arm.

"Sorry, Wes. This gentleman already has an appointment." The Admiral's heart thudded in his side at the sound of his Doctor's lovely voice.

"Thank you for the offer, but perhaps another time," Jarok said before turning his attention to the woman at his side. "I'm all yours, Doctor."

The smile she gave him filled him with enough joy that he could have powered a thousand warp cores with energy to spare. A willing victim to the currents of her whims, Alidar followed her to a table for two near one of the viewports, ignoring the looks they were receiving. If the crew wished to witness their Doctor - the most beautiful of their number - choosing to spend time with him of all people, then they could do so. He just puffed up his chest slightly and basked in the warmth of her gaze as they took their seats.

Someone called Guinan came over and took their orders, tossing Beverly a wink. Jarok hoped that was a good sign.

The rest of Ten-Forward seemed to fall away as the pair talked. Even their food lay untouched for large chunks of their conversation. At one point, they both were so caught up in each others' company that they didn't even notice the removal of their empty trays.

This was so easy, so natural, that the Admiral knew she had worked her way permanently into his heart. Perhaps it was too soon to call this feeling 'love' but he knew it would end up that way eventually.

When the time came for Doctor Crusher to return to duty, Jarok managed to convince her that dinner together was just as good of an idea as lunch had been. She even went so far as to suggest that they eat in her quarters. She stood to take her leave, and the Admiral gave her a respectful bow and a flirtatious wink that drew a pretty pink blush to her cheeks.

Resuming his seat once she'd gone, Alidar looked up and found a golden-eyed man staring at him.

"I take it you have never seen a Romulan before?" He asked with a smirk.

"That would be an incorrect assumption," the oddly-pale officer replied.

"Then why do you invade my privacy?" A hint of irritation leaked into his tone, but Jarok didn't particularly care. The only Human's opinion he cared about was the Doctor's and she wasn't here. All he wanted to do was sink into the afterglow of the time he'd just spent with Beverly, but this person insisted on interfering.

"I was attempting to ascertain what my guts tell me about you," the officer said, and the wording was so strange that the man's identity struck the Admiral all at once.

"You're the android," he murmured. "I know some Romulan cyberneticists who would love to be this close to you."

After a second's consideration, the android tilted his head slightly and replied.

"I do not find that concept particularly appealing."

"Nor should you," Jarok muttered ominously. The android made some inane remark about this viewport being a favorite amongst various members of the crew, but all he could muster was a non-committal hum. He missed his own stars - he hadn't meant to actually say that out loud, but all of a sudden he found himself trailing after the android officer who'd said something about bringing Romulus to him.

After typing specifications into a computer panel against a wall, Data ordered the computer to run a program and gestured for him to enter a pair of doors first. Skeptical, Jarok forced his expression to remain neutral as he did so.

For all his mental preparation, nothing could have dulled the shock of the landscape laid before him.

"The Valley of Chula. I know it well!" He marveled, but something about being in such a familiar place, even if it was just a simulation, felt sour after what he'd done.

"You may stay here as long as you wish," Data offered, rather magnanimously for an android, but after allowing himself one last look at the world he'd left behind, Alidar shook his head.

"I no longer live here," he rasped. "Turn it off."

Once the harsh, cold lines of the hologrid were visible, Jarok forced himself to look hard at his surroundings.

"This. This is my home now. My future. I have sacrificed everything. It must not be in vain." Taking a deep, fortifying breath of recycled air, he turned to Lieutenant Commander Data. "Arrange a meeting between myself and Captain Picard. Tell him Admiral Jarok wants to see him."

"Ensign, will you wait outside?" Picard asked, and once the officer was gone, his eyes fell upon Alidar once more. He'd been delivered to the Captain's ready room with more haste than he'd anticipated. He assumed he was only delayed long enough for the Captain to confirm his identity. "Have a seat Admiral Jarok."

"Captain, there is no more time," he protested.

"Admiral, have a seat," Picard said a bit more forcefully, and because Jarok knew the man wouldn't get down to business until he'd complied, he finally sat in the chair across from him. The Captain seemed more stoic than he had before, more serious...harsher somehow. Jarok knew he would be. This was precisely the reaction he'd wanted to avoid. "You see, I'm just not convinced that you are telling the truth."

Oh, Elements! This again?

"What must I do?" The Admiral was beyond frustration, now. Could this Terran not see that their very worlds hung in the balance?

"You must convince me," Picard answered, and that unshakable calm was almost worse than harsh words and shouting. Was the man half-Vulcan? "If I had irrefutable evidence...but you did not bring irrefutable evidence. You brought no evidence at all. Now, here, you are not the man you claimed to be. Admiral, your credibility is stretched beyond belief. A Romulan defector is almost a contradiction in terms, but Admiral Jarok crossing the lines?"

"I explained my motivations to your interrogators," he rebutted, but the Captain brushed that aside.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 'Peace in our galaxy.' Except, Admiral, you are not a man of peace. Your military record - what we know of it - is clear."

"Which is precisely why I chose an alternate identity here." Jarok would've thought that particular point would've been obvious, but...

"The massacres in the Norkan outposts, for example." Anger was finally edging into Picard's tone at that, but this was one argument for which Alidar was prepared. He explained briefly about semantics - massacres versus campaigns, butchers versus heroes - something the Federation should understand well given their own history with warfare.

Picard got to his feet, asked him some half-baked question about how he was to believe him when no evidence was available. He prodded him about classified information on Romulan tactical positions, fortifications, cloaking technology. The Captain rambled on about unbelievable circumstances and the difficulty of accepting his word on faith, and when the Admiral had the gall to tell him that he would not betray his people, that was when Picard chose to raise his voice.

"You've already betrayed your people, Admiral! You've made your choices, sir! You're a traitor! Now, if the bitter taste of that is unpalatable to you, I am truly sorry. But I will not risk the lives of my crew, because you think you can dance on the edge of the Neutral Zone." The Captain gradually lowered his voice to something calm again - something somber that felt like a vice closing around Jarok's throat. "You've crossed over, Admiral. You make yourself comfortable with that."

That little tirade cut deeper than Jarok had anticipated. The cold, harsh reality of the sacrifices he'd made were being forced before him yet again in startling clarity, yet...he knew that despite his own pain, he had begun the necessary tasks. Now all he must do was follow through on them.

Admiral Jarok took a brief moment, a steadying breath and played his last remaining card, his one vulnerability.

"Do you have any children, Captain Picard? A family?" The man in question looked exasperated and a bit uncomfortable as he answered negatively - so he'd struck a nerve, then. "Then you have sacrificed too much for your career."

"Yes, this is all very interesting–" The Romulan held up a hand to stop him, and to his relief, the Captain listened.

Impatient though he was, he did at least listen as Jarok explained about how his daughter, her future, and the futures of all children, were his motivation. He told Picard everything - how he attempted to persuade those in command that another war would destroy the Empire, his censure when they grew tired of his arguments, his reassignment to a distant sector, and how this was his final recourse.

By the time he finished, he was on the verge of pleading, because surely the Captain would see that acting on his information was necessary to save both their peoples. Just as he thought he'd succeeded, Picard's gaze hardened once more.

"I will not act. Not unless I have unequivocal cooperation."

Damn the man. One appraising look later, Jarok sat with a data PADD in his hand, inputting all the information he believed was relevant to their mission. When he was finished, Picard nodded his head and thanked him for the assistance. Taking that as the dismissal it was, Admiral Jarok strode from the Captain's ready room and found himself instantly flanked by two security officers.

"How kind of you to escort me back to my quarters, gentlemen," he teased as the three of them stepped into the turbolift. He was finally free to turn his attention to the much more pleasant task of preparing for his evening with the beautiful Doctor.

Beverly didn't believe it at first when the rumors began flying through the corridors and into Sickbay. Setal, a Romulan Admiral? She scoffed the first few times she heard it, but when Will Riker popped into Sickbay to retrieve a copy of the medical scans they'd taken of Setal and called him Jarok instead, a lump formed in her throat.

What a fool she'd been! As she handed over the records with a fake smile plastered on her face, she berated herself for falling for Seta– Jarok's charms. She really felt something for him, but obviously he'd been using her.

Practically falling into the chair in her office, she covered her face with her hands and took a steadying breath. She'd made it all too easy for him to get under her skin. A few sweet words, a few mischievous smiles, and she'd become putty in his hands. Maybe so many years without Jack had made her more gullible.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" Nurse Ogawa lingered in the doorway, catching the expression on Beverly's face before she had a chance to hide it.

"I'm fine, Alyssa."

"Respectfully, ma'am, you're not a very good liar," her friend said with a sympathetic smile. "If you want or need to talk, I'm here, okay?"

An announcement rang out over the Comm System for all Senior officers to report to the briefing room, and before she walked out, Beverly drew her friend into a tight hug. She'd take the support, but for now, she had duties to attend to.

The journey across decks was almost automatic for her, at that point, so she allowed herself to become lost in thought while the turbolift hummed along. Was it his real identity that she hated, or did she simply hate that he'd deceived her?

She didn't particularly care who he really was, and she wasn't exactly thrilled that he'd lied to her, but he'd done that to the whole crew, so...what was it that was really bothering her?

She walked into the briefing room and took her seat. As she settled in, a few of the assembled officers, Will, Deanna, and Geordi, looked at her with concern before the Captain strode in.

Oh. That's what it was. This felt like school. Beverly was always the last to find things out because she was always teased as a child. She was the last to find out about Alidar, despite the fact that he'd had lunch with her, complimented her, flirted with her... He'd treated her as though she was special - as though she actually meant something to him - but she was still the last to know the truth.

That was why she was so hurt.

But, what did it say about her that she didn't care whether he was a Sub-lieutenant trying to avert a war or an Admiral trying to trick them into starting one?

She sat up straighter in her chair, listened intently to Jean-Luc's briefing, and contemplated how she'd handle seeing him tonight. She had a few hours to think of what she could possibly say to him that wouldn't sound as though she was just some whiny, lovelorn teenager. 'I thought you cared about me' sounded far and away too desperate for a person she'd known for less than two full days.

When the briefing ended and the room began to empty out, Deanna moved to walk alongside the Doctor.

"Will and Geordi mentioned what happened. Are you–?"

"I'm fine." Her clipped tone betrayed exactly how not fine she was, but at that moment she didn't care.

"You know where my office is."

She did indeed, and when she was ready she'd talk to the Counselor about all of this. But, at that moment, all she wanted to do was prepare herself for what could be an extremely unpleasant evening.

The Captain had seen fit to lower the number of guards following the Admiral from two to one - much more tolerable than before, even if the one currently beside him was constantly scowling. He hadn't been stopped when he visited the Arboretum to obtain flowers for his lady, nor had he been deterred when the officer in question had chosen to stand uncomfortably close to him as he activated Beverly's door chime.

"Come in," she called, and as the door slid open, he was greeted with the sight of his Doctor out of uniform. A soft, green, knit sweater draped artfully off one shoulder to reveal a tantalizing bit of skin. She couldn't possibly know that Romulans used to mark their mates and be teasing him about that...could she?

He honestly wouldn't put it past her. She was clever and utterly devious, he was convinced of it.

A pair of dark lounge pants made her look elegant in her comfort - more formal than such an outfit had any right to be - and the Admiral suddenly felt decidedly underdressed despite the presence of his own uniform.

"Good evening, Admiral." Her voice was quiet and calm, but there was an underlying coolness that nearly stopped his heart. His smile drooped a fraction. He should've known that she'd find out before he had a chance to tell her. Looking over his shoulder, she addressed his guard. "Wait outside, please, Ensign."

The hiss of the door closing behind him sounded more foreboding that he'd expected. Neither spoke for a long moment. She looked at him expectantly, and he dared to take a few tentative steps forward to present the flowers he'd brought her.

"I visited the ship's Arboretum. I had not encountered these flowers before, but their exotic beauty reminded me instantly of you," he said offering the bouquet he'd put together for her. "I believe they are called roses."

She said nothing. She made no move to take them from his hand. The silence stretched long enough to make him wonder if he'd ruined everything.

"Were you even going to tell me?" Beverly's question was so quiet that had he not been Romulan, he would've been in danger of missing it.

"Of course I was. I simply... The moment never felt...correct for such an admission."

"What moment would have been better?" She asked, and for a split second, Alidar wondered whether all Starfleet officers, save Riker, had taken the same course of expressing anger with Vulcan-like calm. "Would it have been more appropriate in your eyes to wait until we were in bed together?"

He sighed. What else could he do?

"What you have to understand is–"

"Jarok? Admiral? What am I to call you now?" She asked, and she began to muse aloud. "'Jarok' conveys the wrong tone altogether, 'Admiral' seems too formal, and I assume 'Alidar' is off the table as it's too casual for a man with your reputation."

He took a deep breath and laid the flowers aside on the side table by her sofa.

"I cannot change what I have done in the past, nor shall I apologize for doing my duty as an Admiral in the Romulan military. This is precisely why I dreaded telling you," he muttered looking away. "Since my past obviously offends you–"

"Your past? I don't give a damn about your past," she exclaimed, stunning the Admiral into silence as he gaped at her. "I'm hurt, Admiral, not because of who you are, but because I was the last person on this entire ship to find out!"

They both looked at each other, quietly assessing the situation.

"The looks of...of pity that were sent my way just because everyone else knew and I didn't... Do you have any idea how that felt? Did you think I was an easy mark? That I was so blinded by my attraction to you that I'd never find out?" Her questions stung, but not because they were accusatory. They kicked him right in the chest because of the underlying assumption: that he would manipulate her in such a cruel manner because of how little he thought of her.

The opposite was true. He thought the world of her, and it was an injustice that he'd behaved in such a manner that the thought had even crossed her mind. Jarok took a single, careful step toward her.

"E'lev...I didn't tell you, because I was afraid that I would lose you if you knew who I was," he explained looking into her eyes. "You are the only bright spot in this entire ordeal, and I was certain that if you knew all the grisly things I've done for my people, all the terrible orders I've given, all the lives I've been forced to take, you would despise me or worse...fear me."

Looking up at him with those big, blue eyes of hers, the Doctor surprised him yet again by closing the distance between them, cupping his cheeks, and gently skimming her thumbs across his skin.

"Admiral, over the past day and a half, you've shown me exactly who you are. I don't hate you for the choices you've made, and I'm not afraid of you," she murmured. "I trust you...or at least, I hope that I can trust you."

Such an admission from a woman who really shouldn't be associating with him at all made him crumble. All he could think to do when he was this vulnerable was to close his eyes and lean into her touch as he nodded his head.

"You can. I will do all that I can to justify that trust." His voice came out as little more than a rough whisper. What had he done to deserve such mercy and understanding from her? What right did he have to even be in the presence of a lady of such mercy?

"Would you stay and talk with me, Admiral?"

"Only if you'll call me Alidar, Doctor," he stipulated as he opened his eyes once more. Truthfully, he'd have stayed even if she only ever wanted to call him 'Setal' from now on. He would gladly be anything that she wanted him to be. "I don't ever want to hear my title from you."

"I think I can do that, but I'll expect you to call me Beverly in return." The way her eyes sparkled up at him was utterly irresistible.

"As you wish...beautiful Beverly," he murmured, savoring the syllables as they flowed over his tongue. Willingly, he allowed her to grasp his hands and lead him over to the couch - he'd have done anything for her. This, of all things, was no trouble.

"Now, I want to know about you - the real you," she said, and Jarok smiled.

The pair talked for several hours. He answered every question she had, even going so far as to explain about Romulan customs regarding officers of his previous position and their marriages being arranged for political gain. At the first whiff of his dissatisfaction with the Romulan government's aggressive policies, his wife had seen no further advantage to remaining with him and filed for an annulment. His daughter and some distant relatives were the only people he'd left behind on Romulus.

"Speaking of children...your son, Wesley," he began, and Beverly's lips stretched into the sort of proud smile only a parent could manage. "He takes after his mother quite a bit, from what I can tell. I believe his father would be proud of the man you have raised him to be."

"Hardly any of that is down to me," she demurred leaning more fully against him. "He's more like Jack than he realizes - all duty and responsibility. You know, Wesley tried so hard to fill the void that I had to remind him he was a kid more than once just so he'd go have a little fun."

"Well, he certainly has your courage, e'lev," he mused, and she let out a quiet laugh, settling her head on his shoulder. The sensation felt wonderful, especially when paired with the knowledge that she was at ease enough to touch him so casually.

After a moment's comfortable silence, he looked down into Beverly's eyes, allowing himself to get lost in her gaze yet again.

"Alright, I'll bite. What's on your mind, handsome?" Jarok preened at her praise.

"The view. Even the heavens are different here on this side of the Neutral Zone. The stars are wrong," he murmured, "but perhaps..."

She tilted her head curiously when he trailed off, raising her eyebrows in askance.

"Perhaps your eyes can be my new stars." Gently, Alidar cupped her cheek, running the tips of his fingers down the softness of her skin. "Only if you're willing, of course."

He noted only a short moment of hesitation as she processed his words before smiling up at him.

"Why, Alidar, I'd be honored," she said just above a whisper, and he felt his heart speed up in his side. Before he could do anything about it, though, gentle lips met his.

This gesture was so open, so intimate, so...Human. Jarok melted against her, following her lead until they were both breathless and clinging desperately to each other. Somewhere in their haze, the Doctor had ended up wrapping her arms around his neck and straddling his lap. His hands had taken up residence on her hips, keeping her steady above him as they explored each other.

He knew that she could tell how hard he was. She wasn't some inexperienced virgin, she was a woman who'd had a child. As her fingertips skimmed through his hair and coaxed him into another kiss, Jarok couldn't help but marvel at her. She as such a force of nature! He couldn't deny her anything, even if he wanted to. He'd crumble after an instant if only to receive more of this wonderful, exquisite intimacy from her.

How had he fallen so far so quickly? He'd defected from the Empire, lost his home, his daughter – all in a single day. Now, less than a day later, he found himself hoping to make love to a Human and cover her in the evidence of his affection. If his people could see the way he hummed hungrily into Beverly's mouth, they'd sneer at him for allowing a mere hevam to affect him so.

They wouldn't understand her magnetism or her beauty, because they'd be too blinded by their prejudice. He'd always been different in that respect. Jarok had never seen Humans as lesser than Romulans. They were different, yes, but he'd always wanted to satiate his curiosity rather than scoff at their existence. He was beginning to believe that it was an impossible task, though, because every time he learned more about Humans from Beverly, he found that instead of being less curious, he was even more so.

Alidar wanted to know everything about her - what made her happy or sad, what made her moan with pleasure, what her beautiful red hair looked like when it was mussed after a good night's sleep... He'd never been so ravenous for answers before in his life!

He managed to pry his lips from hers and began kissing down that lovely long neck of hers. The whimpers she gave him were precious gifts to be treasured and savored on the tip of his tongue for as long as he lived.

And were those her pheromones? Intoxicating woman... Was nothing about her flawed?

She leaned away from him just long enough to tug her sweater over her head and toss it away. His mouth met the dip in her collarbones, and she said his name like a prayer.

But if anyone was the worshiper in that situation, it was Alidar. Every millimeter of her was precious and sacred to him, and he vowed to himself as she tugged at his uniform tunic that he would never treat her as anything but the blessing from the Elements that she was.

And, oh, they had crafted her perfectly. Fire ran though her veins and gave itself away in her beautiful hair...her passion...her devotion. He'd always enjoyed a fire's heat. Even when he got burned, his respect for it only grew.

She was his favorite flame.

Beverly's forehead met his when both their torsos were nude. Their chests pressed against one another as they fought a battle between breath and pleasure. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, her fingers buried in his hair, and her quiet breaths mingling against his lips with his own.

Neither spoke - what could they say that was adequate in the midst of such affection? But, after a long moment, a small gurgling sound filled the air.

They'd completely forgotten about dinner, hadn't they? Their eyes met and both dissolved into a fit of giggles. Lifting her with ease, Alidar kissed Beverly's cheek and laid her on the sofa, taking a moment to admire the sight of her all flushed and vulnerable beneath him before walking to the replicator to get them both something to eat.

He'd save her for dessert.

The ship dropped to impulse a few hours later, and the pair of lovers who'd drifted off together after sharing a meal and a few more kisses finally got dressed once more.

Beverly reported to Sickbay, and Jarok was summoned to the Bridge not long after the ship reduced its speed.

It was time. Nelvana Three required his attention. Smoothing his hair in the turbolift and pointedly ignoring the disapproving glare his guard gave him, the Romulan reported as ordered only to find the Bridge crew in a state of agitation.

"Perhaps you'd care to explain why we're here, Admiral," Picard called out almost as soon as the turbolift door opened.

"There doesn't appear to be a base," Riker added sounding more than a little frustrated.

"I don't understand." Jarok said as he looked at the barren planet on their viewscreen.

"Nelvana Three, Admiral! No base, no weapons, no signs of any life at all!" The Captain exclaimed.

"But...I saw the tactical communiques...the records...timetables for completion," he said as he walked closer to the screen. "An entire legion was assigned to this sector."

"Is it possible they could have been feeding you disinformation? You said that you'd been censured, reassigned four months ago," Picard pointed out, and a buzzing began in Jarok's ears. "They knew of your dissatisfaction. Could all this have been to test your loyalty?"

"No. No, it's impossible," he protested, but a small, horror-struck part of his brain recognized that the Captain could be correct. Oh, Elements, if he'd been tricked–

"They let you escape with an arsenal of worthless secrets," Picard bit out. "What other explanation is there?"

The buzzing in his ears grew louder, and he gripped the wooden railing that surrounded the middle section of the Bridge as Picard's First Officer ordered them out of the Neutral Zone. His own people had deceived him.

Before the ship could run, though, two Romulan warbirds decloaked and fired on them. This couldn't be happening! Was Jarok trapped in some sort of nightmare?

The Romulan Commander eventually hailed them, and Picard engaged in a minor battle of wits with him.

Alidar barely heard a word until Tomalak's jab about Enterprise's broken hull being displayed as a warning to all other traitors who would dare defy the Empire. At that, he snapped.

"All the communiques...all the timetables, all the records. They were all fiction written for my benefit," the Admiral raged, but the smug Commander on the viewscreen merely looked smug as he continued. "A test... A test of my loyalty. And you used me to lure the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone."

Ignoring the accusations completely, Tomalak returned his attention to Picard.

"First, Captain, you will return the traitor Jarok, then you will surrender as prisoners of war."

The men went back and forth, trading threats, and with all the confidence of a man with an ace up his sleeve, Picard summoned two Klingon battle cruisers seemingly from nowhere.

But Jarok could not celebrate the fact that they were still alive. He could not find it within himself to be glad that he'd lived after being so thoroughly used and humiliated.

"I did it for nothing," he murmured, "my home, my family... For nothing."

In disgrace, with nothing left of his dignity, Former Admiral Alidar Jarok left the Bridge. Shame surrounded him like a haze. So caught up in his grief was he that he didn't notice the way Captain Picard's eyes followed his path to the turbolift.

In the middle of treating a few small injuries from the conflict with the Romulan warbirds, Beverly's combadge chirped.

"Doctor Crusher, I think it would be wise for you to visit Admiral Jarok's quarters, and...my instinct could be wrong, but you may wish to prepare for a medical emergency of some sort."

The Doctor paused as she set aside a dermal regenerator.

"Acknowledged, Captain, thank you," she replied. Picking up a medkit, she turned to Alyssa, but she was already waving her out the door.

"Go, we can handle ourselves. We'll cover for you as long as you need." With a grateful smile, she hurried out of sickbay toward her lover's quarters. 'Her lover'... What an odd sounding phrase after so long as a single woman.

But, what sort of injury could he possibly have that would drive him to his quarters rather than Sickbay? He would've known she'd be on duty, so why not simply come find her so she could help?

Activating his door chime, he shouted for whoever it was to go away. She hadn't expected to hear such anguish in his voice. She activated the chime again and this time she announced herself.

"Alidar? It's me, Beverly," she called. "Please, may I come in?"

A long, charged paused passed before he called for her to enter. When she did, she nearly fainted at the sight that greeted her. Tear tracks stained his cheeks as he stood by the viewport. He looked deflated, somehow...defeated.

"Please, let me see my stars one last time..." An orange felodesine chip was clutched desperately between his fingers. Beverly's heart sank. He wouldn't...he couldn't, not after all they'd been through in the last couple of days.

"Alidar...wait, please," she adopted the most soothing tone she could as she kept her eyes locked with his. Taking slow, small steps toward him, she tried to figure a way out of this. Setting the medkit aside as she walked, she tried her hardest not to spook him into anything rash like ingesting the chip. There was no reversing that. There was no antidote.

"Beverly...e'lev, I can't. It was all for nothing. My own people used me to get to the Enterprise. I nearly caused all of your deaths and started the war I was trying to stop, all because I couldn't tell the difference between fiction and fact." A tear rolled down the Admiral's cheek and his hand shook. "I will never see my baby girl grow up. I will not be there when she welcomes a child of her own into the world. I will never see Romulus again! I cannot face this alone."

"You aren't alone, I promise." She was almost close enough to touch him, now. "Alidar, for as long as you will permit me, I will stay by your side. I will help you through this to the best of my ability, but you have to be willing to give me a chance."

He started to shake his head, but she was close enough to caress his face and look deep into his eyes.

"Try...for me..." she begged feeling tears burning in the corners of her own eyes as she spoke. "Please."

After a long moment, there was a quiet 'clack' as the chip fell from his grip and landed on the floor. Almost before she could process that he'd moved, the Admiral grasped the Doctor's waist and caught her lips in a desperate, damp kiss which she returned just as fervently.

Relief cascaded through her. She wasn't going to lose him today.

Any remaining shreds of the decorum the two had maintained over the course of their two-day journey faded rapidly into nothing, shattered by the overwhelming need for both to hold and be held, to love and be loved.

Their aborted intimacy from before was not to be stopped this time. Clothing fell in crumpled piles, removed by desperate hands and delicate fingers, each on a quest to reassure themselves and each other that they were not alone.

With their uniforms stripped away, their duties cast aside, they were no longer Romulan and Human. They were merely lovers partaking of each other, filling the room with the sounds of their joining.

~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes

@emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @rookietrek

@slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

#deepspacedukat fic #Beverly Crusher x Alidar Jarok

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