#alex was out of the woods which .. valid

[podiumdan]

asking chatgpt which taylor swift songs fits these drivers

[decafdino]

Wip Wednesday!! Shoutout to the tarlos haven discord for helping me keep on top of my writing with sprints. Here's a little preview from my most recent sprint:

And TK had had some trust issues after that, but he worked hard to get over them. It was easy to push his uneasiness around strangers away when his dad came back a few months later, badly wounded and left changed by something very few people could understand. TK had wanted to be strong for his father, to show him that while something inside of Owen's mind had shifted, his son would always be the same, strong young man he could one day pass the crown onto. It didn't matter if his parents stopped talking to each other for days on end. It didn't matter that he began to drink himself to sleep every night, just to quell the voices in his mind telling him of all the horrors on the other side of the castle wall. It didn't matter that he started feeling more like a statue on a pedestal than a person, that he was always more admired than seen. As long as his parents had hope in something, had hope in him, all would eventually go back to being right.

Then, he had met Alex, and he had finally felt seen. Alex told him he was beautiful and impressive, and it validated everything TK had strived for so long to achieve. He told TK he was strong and brave and special. It was everything he had ever wanted to hear, especially when his mother and father had been too busy to say it to him themselves.

And then one day, Alex had changed. He met Mitchell, and it turned out TK wasn't so special after all. Suddenly, it was abundantly clear to TK that the image he had strived for so long and so hard to cultivate of a strong leader was nothing more than exactly that: an image.

And when those emotions had taken over all his rational thought, when he was useless and broken and half-dead from drink somewhere in the middle of the Western Woods, TK had given up. He decided then that he would never be a good king, much less a good mage or even a good person. He would never trust his heart to anyone else again, if only to spare himself the pain.

But that's not all there is to the story, is there? the little voice of hope pushes. It isn't over. Something changed.

"I got brave again," he says to himself. He spits at the floor when too much bile rises in his mouth. "Which means I got stupid. Thinking I could go anywhere in this kingdom, as long as I had someone who cared for me so much always by my side."

He can picture Carlos' wounded look in his mind. His small frown and wrinkled forehead. Do you hate me for giving you that? The ability to live freely? he says.

TK rubs the small few tears he has left to give on his shoulder. "Of course not, my love," he answers truthfully. He doubts he ever would have been brave enough to leave home in the first place without Carlos stepping into his life.

Then live a little longer. He imagines Carlos' warm breath on his cheek, the small, loving pressure of a kiss to his lips. I am coming for you. I swear it.

thanks to @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @lemonlyman-dotcom and @emsprovisions for the tags!

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

OMG WE'RE RANKING HAZBIN SONGS!?!?!?!? MY TURN MY TURN MY TURN!!!

Respectless: Carmilla and Velvette both have such satisfying voices omfg. Also the beat goes sO HARD- it catches your attention and DOESN'T LET IT GO! Also it moves the plot forward very effectively which is actually really important for songs in musicals to do so. That's nice. Tbh it's only flaw is being too short-

Stayed Gone: VOX MY BELOVED- this song is so fucking catchy. It also kinda gives me Will Wood vibes, and I love Will Wood so ofc I'm gonna love the Will Wood ass song. Love how petty Al and Vox are, like it's so fucking funny. The lore drops are also really interesting. Aaaaaaaand Alastor's bit at the end reminded me of the Nowhere King and I love Centaurworld so :)

Loser, Baby: Pretty obvious why this one's so high up; Huskerdust, Keith David, cute bonding, has a message I needed to hear tbh, and its catchy as FUCK

Hell Is Forever: God I love all the different genres they play around with in this show- like I was NOT expecting a straight up ROCK BALLAD in the FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE but god Im so happy we got it. This song goes so fucking hard. Alex Brightman should be allowed to sing more Rock n' Roll.

Poison: Once again, this song is catchy as hell! Blake Roman's vocal preformance is also phenomenal, like that man can fuckin SING!!! Of course he can he's been on broadway and releases his own music bUt you get it. Also that final verse... man. In the context of the episode this song is emotionally devastating, out of context it's uh. Still really sad tbh but it's easier to bop along to it cause you don't have the visuals- Idk it's just a fuckin banger man. Though speaking of the visuals VOX WHAT WAS THAT FUCKING LOOK WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVEY HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANGE- *gets shot dead*

Happy Day In Hell: Honestly? Pretty neutral on this song. Love Erika Henningsen's voice, I think it's catchy(no duh), and the Disney Princess vibes are IMMACULATE. Not a huge fan of the random shift in the music I wanna say half way through? But otherwise it's a good song I think, conveys Charlie's motives really well.

Whatever It Takes: Okay okay look. It's a good song. Does it's job in the episode. It's just not for me. I think it goes on a little too long, and I think that, while Daphne Ruben-Vega's voice fits the song PERFECTLY, Stephanie Beatriz was singing too high in her range to a distracting degree. Like I think there was something wonky going on because that shit gave me the same whiplash I got when Marinette started singing in the Miraculous movie, and it just. Doesn't fit the style of the song. Like Vaggie's part should've been more belty or something. Idk man I might be too out of my lane w/ this for my critique to be valid, because I have literally never written a song before, and music is VERY subjective so I don't think I can even be objectively right here, but still. Oppinions.

It Starts With Sorry: Look, I know this song is supposed to be a joke, but the first time I saw the episode that did n o t click with me, and without the understanding that it isn't entirely serious this song just feels so fucking out of place and really falls flat. Like it feels like somebody took a song from My Little Pony: FiM, made an AMV with Hazbin characters, and then threw it in the episode, y'know? And like don't get me wrong MLP has some FUCKIN bangers(Say Goodbye to the Holiday, This Day Aria, etc), but a lot of the musical numbers are still really bland and samey, y'know? So uh yeah it's a decent song and a funny joke but def my least favorite so far.

[nostradamus0]

Supercorptober 2022, Day 14: Soaring

read on ao3

It happens pretty fast. Barely days after meeting her, Esme’s taken to Lena like a duck to water, following her around with a starry smile and enamored eyes. (And Kara relates to that feeling more than she would like.)

So she’s unsurprised when Alex approaches her, the weekend before the wedding, about the godmother situation.

“This doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you with her, you know?” Alex says, tapping her fingers on the counter. They’re seated on the barstools at the island in Kara’s kitchen, which she honestly has not sat on in months. She’d almost forgotten she had them. Usually, she and Lena eat on the couch or at the Tower. Sometimes at the table, just to spice things up; sprinkle some variety on their routine.

“Of course, Alex,” she says, eyeing the last doughnut in the box Alex had brought with her, which Kara is now pretty sure was a bribe in case she did get upset about not being Esme’s godmother. “Lena’s a great choice.”

The doughnut is testing her. But she’s had seven and Alex has only had one, so she’s trying to practice restraint. This may be her crucible.

“Eat the doughnut, Kar.” The exasperation in Alex’s voice is clear, and Kara snatches up the strawberry doughnut faster than humanly possible and shoves the entire thing in her mouth.

“‘M r’ly glab oo uys wan as er,” Kara tries to say, indecipherable through bread and frosting. Alex’s face screws up with disgust.

“Gross. Swallow and try again.”

So she does, and takes a long swig of the hot chocolate Alex also brought her. (Yeah, she’s being bribed. And she’s loath to admit that if it was needed, it would work.)

“I’m really glad you guys want to ask her. She’ll be the best godmother ever.”

Sipping her own drink—black coffee, Alex nods. “Honestly, I wasn’t expecting Lena to be so good with kids right off the bat. I thought she’d be more anxious about it.”

At that, Kara grins, her face melting into what she’s sure is a pathetically adoring smile. “Don’t tell anyone I told you, but she regularly visits her children’s hospital. She hangs out with the kids. It’s so cute, Alex.”

Her sister rolls her eyes, but Kara can see the affection beyond the nausea. Alex doesn’t say anything out loud (this time), but Kara can still practically hear the teasing. Alex loves to make fun of her. It’s so rude.

“That explains it. Esme’s taken to her like a house on fire and if I weren’t so happy about it, I’d be concerned about them teaming up against the rest of us.”

“That’s a real and valid fear; don’t let go of it,” Kara warns, but her still-wide grin diminishes the sentiment. After a beat, she lets the smile dim to a more earnest expression. “I’m good, though, Alex. I know you trust me and I’m so excited to be an aunt. I promise I’m not jealous or upset or anything.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be.” Alex pauses for a sip of coffee and resumes tapping the tip of a finger against the countertop. “I guess I just worried you’d feel left out. When Kelly brought up the godparent conversation and we decided on Lena, she asked if I was really okay with not asking you. And I am, but I won’t lie: I’m glad it’ll be a two-birds-one-stone kind of thing.”

Kara blinks, suddenly feeling as though she’s missed something. “Huh?”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Alex gives her a funny look, like she’s being particularly obtuse. “Knock on wood, but if something happens to me and Kelly, and Esme ends up with Lena, we still want you to be a big part of her life. I know you and Lena aren’t technically together—you really should work on that though, it’s been five years—”

(Kara suddenly feels it very imperative that she not mention how Lena sleeps here every night and most of her clothes are in Kara’s closet. Half the dresser is hers and her soap is on the shower rack. There’s kale in the fridge.)

“—but we all know it’ll happen eventually, so. You guys get a happily-ever-after, Esme gets both of you, and I don’t have to feel guilty about not picking my sister to be my daughter’s godmother. Two birds, one stone.” Alex pauses. “Three birds, actually.”

“That’s a violent metaphor,” Kara says, despite feeling as though the rock has missed and lodged itself in her throat. Alex, clearly not paying attention, tacks on:

“Only downside to it is that Kelly and I would be dead.” She sighs. “Well, I should be going.”

With that, she stands. The legs of her barstool scrape against the hardwood and Kara flinches. Alex pats her shoulder, presses a kiss to her temple, and says: “I’ll see you later, okay?”

The door closes behind her, and Kara, in crisis, is left alone with nothing but an empty box of doughnuts.

-

“Did you know?”

The tips of Lena’s fingers brush against her palm, but drop away before she can twine their fingers together. Kara’s hand hangs empty, limp, at her side.

“Know what?” She asks, stealing a glance at her best friend, whose eyes are focused on the dance floor. The celebrations have quieted and the music slowed, but the dancing is still alive and bright in the late-afternoon sun. Esme clings to Alex’s chest with her head tipped back on Kelly’s shoulder, trapped between their bodies as the three of them sway. Brainy spins Nia in circles under his arm and pulls her back in; Winn and James stand off to one side, talking quietly about anything.

Across from them, some forty feet on the opposite side of the dance floor, Kara stands beside Lena in quite the same way. They’ve been there a while. It’s easy to exist with Lena in silence. They don’t need conversation to fill any empty spaces; there are no empty spaces between them.

“About Esme,” Lena says, and it’s funny how two words can say so much, when it’s them. Kara understands Lena even when she’s saying nothing at all.

“Will you dance with me?” She asks. Lena blinks, but when Kara steps in front of her and holds out her hand, she takes it. She lets Kara lead her into the crowd and find a clear spot on the outskirts, and she follows when Kara wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her close.

They fall into the beat of the music, swaying in time with each note, and for a minute, Kara forgets what they were talking about. Lena’s arms curl over her shoulders, fingers tangling under the base of her skull where escaping baby hairs are wispy against her neck.

“I knew, yes.”

“And are you. . . .” Lena’s voice fades out and she purses her lips, like she’s searching for the right way to describe it— “Are you okay?”

All Kara can do is offer a smile, warm and gentle, and lean in to bump her forehead almost playfully against Lena’s.

“I’m really, really good,” she says. Then, almost shy, she admits: “I’ve never been this happy before.”

Lena steps even closer, wrapping her arms further around Kara’s neck and dropping her head to rest there. The side of her face presses against Kara’s shoulder and she can feel the flutter of Lena’s eyelashes against her bare skin.

“Neither have I,” Lena admits, voice so quiet that if she were any further away, Kara would’ve needed her superhearing to understand it. “It’s nice, though.”

It’s such a simple comment, such a strange reaction to a first glimpse of absolute happiness that Kara laughs. She rocks them back and forth and smiles wide against the side of Lena’s head, where she presses a lingering kiss.

“You make me happy,” she says, trying her best to sound casual but certain that she’s failed miserably. There’s too much emotion in her throat for her voice to be clear, for the sincerity to dial back and the words to be anything but layered and deeply, deeply intimate.

Lena’s smile grows and takes root, and Kara can feel it in the dip between her neck and shoulder. She’s so, so in love, and as she clutches Lena close to her chest, she wonders, not for the first time, if Lena might love her in the same way.

She’ll ask later; sometime when it’s quiet and they’re alone, without the rest of their family as witness. For now, she’ll just exist here with Lena in her arms, tucked against her body like there is nowhere else she would be.

“You make me happy, too.”

[bitcofun]

He will, nevertheless, stay bulk investor. Key Takeaways Gavin Wood has actually revealed his resignation as CEO of Parity Technologies, the business entity behind Polkadot. Wood stays majority investor of the business however described that CEO was not a task he ever especially desired. He signs up with a long list of crypto officers who have actually resigned given that the summertime. Gavin Wood, the co-founder of Polkadot and its canary network Kusama, has actually stepped aside as CEO at Parity Technologies however stays its bulk investor. And Another One's Gone Polkadot co-founder Gavin Wood has actually left his position as CEO of Parity Technologies, the business entity behind the Polkadot blockchain. Parity co-founder Björn Wagner will presume the function of CEO. In a declaration launched today, Wood validated his choice by describing that he considers his character inadequate to the function of CEO in the long term. " The function of CEO has actually never ever been one which I have actually wished for," he composed. "I can act at being a CEO all right for a brief while, however it's not where I'm going to discover everlasting joy."" Anyone who has actually dealt with me understands where my heart lies. I'm a thinker, coder, designer and designer," Wood discussed. "Like lots of such individuals, I work best asynchronously; an excellent day is taking 10 hours directly to consider some issue, model something or collapse some diverse ideas into a short article." Polkadot acquired appeal in between 2020 and 2021 for its ingenious environment style. Instead of running on a single blockchain, Polkadot enables a number of blockchains (called " parachains") to run separately yet harmoniously with one another by settling deals on a main "relay chain." It is thought about a sharded blockchain. Wood was likewise a co-founder of Ethereum, an association that assisted sustain the buzz around Polkadot. Polkadot buzz equated into huge gains in 2015 for anybody who had the wherewithal to cost its top in November. Like many of the crypto market, it has actually suffered drastically in2022 At its peak last November, DOT traded as high as $54; that number, nevertheless, has actually significantly diminished over 2022 to simply $ 5.84 today. Wood signs up with a long list of crypto officers who have actually picked to step away from their positions this year. Noteworthy CEOs in the crypto area who have actually resigned in simply the last couple of months consist of huge market gamers, such as Celsius CEO Alex Mashinsky, Kraken CEO Jesse Powell, and MicroStrategy's Michael Saylor Disclosure: At the time of composing, the author of this piece owned DOT, ETH, and a number of other cryptocurrencies The details on or accessed through this site is gotten from independent sources our company believe to be precise and trustworthy, however Decentral Media, Inc. makes no representation or guarantee regarding the timeliness, efficiency, or precision of any details on or accessed through this site. Decentral Media, Inc. is not a financial investment consultant. We do not provide individualized financial investment recommendations or other monetary recommendations. The details on this site undergoes alter without notification. Some or all of the details on this site might end up being out-of-date, or it might be or end up being insufficient or unreliable. We may, however are not bound to, upgrade any out-of-date, insufficient, or unreliable info. You need to never ever make a financial investment choice on an ICO, IEO, or other financial investment based upon the info on this site, and you need to never ever analyze or otherwise depend on any of the details on this site as financial investment guidance. We highly suggest that you speak with a certified financial investment consultant or other certified monetary expert if you are looking for financial investment suggestions on an ICO, IEO, or other financial investment. We do decline

payment in any kind for examining or reporting on any ICO, IEO, cryptocurrency, currency, tokenized sales, securities, or products. See complete terms Polkadot Goes Live After Three Years of Development Polkadot has actually gone cope with its very first "chain prospect," a nearly-complete variation of its blockchain. The blockchain has actually been under advancement considering that 2017, at which time it raised $140 million ... Acala Wins Polkadot's First Parachain Auction Acala got 32.5 million DOT worth $1.27 billion for the auction. Acala Secures Parachain Slot Acala has actually won Polkadot's very first parachain auction. With over 32 M DOT contributed by over 81,00 0 ... Acala Stablecoin aUSD Collapses After Parachain Exploit News Aug. 15, 2022 Acala rapidly put the network in upkeep mode, stopping briefly on-chain swaps, Polkadot cross-chain interactions, and oracle rate feeds to keep the taken funds from leaving the parachain. Acala USD Depegs ... Read More

[identity-theft-101]

Have you ever considered a creepypasta or proxy OC? I'm actually really curious about this

I actually have 2!

I have a Creepypasta fandom Oc and a Marble Hornets fandom Oc, (Or what most people would consider "Proxy")

Most of them are just used btwn me and Eldritch for headcanons/roleplays

Cas is a They/Them Creepypasta fandom Oc! They were originally designed as a companion character for Toby; their relationship varies depending on what scenario they are used for but Cas is mostly a source of validation and emotional support for Toby. They are very chill, laid back, and have a odd moral compass. They like arson.

More often than not if Cas must be 'introduced' to the pastas, I usually have them see a murder outside taco bell at 3 am, shrug and give the killer the extra crunchwrap they bought before going home.

Tired College StudentTM, worked graveyard shift at 7/11 before a karen finally made them snap. They burnt down the building (MAYBEeee with the karen inside) and faked their death b/c They no longer wished to deal with society's BS

Cas also has Daddy IssuesTM as another potential bonding springboard for Toby.

AS FOR THE CLASSIFICATION OF PROXY OR CREEP--

Cas is KINDA a Proxy but also KINDA NAH. Officially they weren't called in by Slender, but still preform Proxy duties as form of "payment" to the demon octopus for letting them stay in the woods.

So I suppose, "Unofficial Proxy" might be the correct term because the most violence they do outside of rent is either defensive or arson.

But, once again, it depends on the scenario.

Erin, my She/Her feral Gremlin Oc for Marble Hornets!

Once again, a companion character! She was designed to play opposite of Tim and is very much the "Firey Redhead that Cares" archetype. Loud, bold, but lacking foresight, Erin needs someone with a level head to reign her in as much as Tim needs a bit of a weird live wire!

As someone who is brash, her character will often butt heads with Alex due to his more aggressive tendencies should they be in the same scene, They DO NOT LIKE EACHOTHER.

BUT, Erin is a Companion Character, and as such she provides Emotional Support despite her chaotic tendencies.

Proxy or Creep?

Erin is considered a "Proxy" for the factor of being a Marble Hornets OC.

Now, I personally categorize MH separately from CP and depending on the worldbuild, different things can happen.

If we are assuming MH is in the timeline, Erin would accompany Tim as his companion character and become a proxy that way.

BUT, if we are assuming MH is NOT in the timeline that changes things. Erin would likely be 'Called' in by Slender as a new proxy and would be thrust into the hierarchy of the senior proxies. Which means taking orders and training under them, or in this case Tim/Masky.

She'd be the one calling him out on his bullshit or encouraging an insane plan when there is little options. Erin and Tim would butt heads a lot due to her archetype, but would eventually gain a friendship through forced reliance and vulnerability.

Erin is also more Unhinged without MH in the timeline. Rather than doing things out of necessity, Erin will enjoy her job of taking lives much more. Without the backstory and suffering to humble her, she lacks empathy more, which coupled with general distaste for humanity leads to much less remorse.

If you'd like to know more, feel free to ask!

-Identity

[lesbians-against-the-monarchy]

So. I’ve not been very active recently and there is a good reason that I felt I needed to talk about.

TW: discussion of cancer and death

If any of you are at all active on any mcyt platform I’m sure you already know what I’m going to talk about. I’m sure you’ve already heard this a thousand times in a thousand ways but I feel I need to also get down my feelings even if I am crying while I type this out.

Technoblade, Alex, has died recently due to cancer at a very young age.

This all happened too suddenly, and I can’t imagine how hard this is on everyone (especially his close family and friends) and I know it’s been hard on me.

He was truly an inspiration to everyone who knew about him, me included. It felt almost validating to know that someone else out there loved the ‘Princess Bride’ as much as I did. Who would talk for ages about Greek mythology which I also love. To know that someone out there shared the same deadpan, dry humour I love.

I don’t need to tell you he will be missed, but we had a little saying that I think we need to keep true to.

Technoblade never dies.

In light of this tragedy two things have really helped me and I think they’ll help you as well.

There is a musical I love called ‘Into the Woods’ (if you haven’t seen the stage production it’s free on YouTube) and one line has stuck with me these past few days.

Sometimes people leave you/halfway through the wood/do not let it grieve you/no one leaves for good.

And the poem called ‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’

Do not stand/By my grave, and weep./I am not there,/I do not sleep—/I am the thousand winds that blow/I am the diamond glints in snow/I am the sunlight on ripened grain,/I am the gentle, autumn rain./As you awake with morning’s hush,/I am the swift, up-flinging rush/Of quiet birds in circling flight,/I am the day transcending night./Do not stand/By my grave, and cry—/I am not there,/I did not die.

Remember to keep his memory alive in whatever way it may be. Watching his videos over and over until you have them memorized. Make fan works if that helps you mourn. Most of all remember you are loved. And I don’t doubt he loved us as much as we loved him.

Take a drink of water. Eat something even if it’s small. Hug something you love whatever that may be. Take a moment to stand up and stretch if you haven’t gotten out of bed much. Go watch some funny videos to make yourself laugh for a bit. Talk to someone if you can, even if it’s something small like making a post like this. And most importantly don’t feel guilty about mourning, a lot of people are right now. You are not alone in this.

And I hope, by every fibre of my being, that god fucking hesitated.

[oreoambitions]

Part 7 of 9

Parts 1-3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 5.5 // Part 6 // Ao3 

Lena handles the bouquet like it’s a talisman, like these sprigs of white mountain flowers might shield her from the inevitability of Kara’s decision. She stands on the porch feeling suddenly inadequate in the clothes Sam picked out for her: red button down, red converse, black slacks, black blazer, hair plaited. She should have gone for something dazzling, something that shows off her body, something that implies sex and grace and power. But Sam said, "Something comfortable, classy, and red. Let’s go for something understated. A Kryptonian wedding is not about the dress."

Lena has long been accustomed to wearing dresses like armor, and so she feels naked now under Kara's gaze, the bouquet her only protection. Sam's done her best to prepare her for this moment. She knows that if Kara means to go through with the wedding she will remain silent until the vows. She knows that if Kara means to break from the plan she can end as easily as greeting Lena when she returns from her contemplation in the woods. And perhaps that would be for the best, but there is a preemptive feeling of loss and grief in Lena's chest that has nothing to do with the fear of what might happen to her if she gets caught out for lying under oath.

So when Kara approaches the porch, brow furrowed, and opens her mouth to speak, Lena rushes forward and presses the flowers into her hands.

"I gathered these for you," she says, stumbling over the last porch step in her urgency. "Before dawn. I couldn't find red, but..."

Kara's expression softens. She spends a long moment admiring the flowers, and longer still studying Lena. Then she looks up to where Clark is standing by the kitchen door, watching, and she nods just once.

There will be a wedding today after all.

They stand in a circle in the woods behind the cabin, all seven of them: Kara and Lena to be married, Clark to marry them, Alex, Nia and Sam to witness, and, ostensibly, Rao to bless the union. Lena doesn't miss the way Kara's eyes keep drifting to that empty space in the circle, to the sky, to her own feet, to the flowers carried by Alex now so that Kara will have both of her hands free for the ceremony.

"Are you ready?" Sam whispers in Lena's ear.

No. "Yeah," she breathes. "Anything else I should know?"

Sam makes a noncommittal gesture. "I really hope not."

How reassuring. And then Clark is clearing his throat, and Sam is taking her place again with a guilty expression, and Alex is nodding slowly to Kara as if to say this is going to be okay, and Lena is cursing every Krpytonian who ever said there had to be silence between communion with Rao and the offering of the vows because all she wants on this whole Earth is to ask Kara if she's sure. She settles for flashing Kara a shy smile. Kara smiles back weakly, and Lena's stomach twists as the ceremony begins.

Clark speaks slowly and clearly, his voice even though his hands tremble. The ceremony is in Krpytonian, and so Lena understands only a word or two here and there but she tries to listen anyway, tries to feel the gravity of the moment. She wonders idly whether Sam or Kara have told Alex and Nia what to expect. Clark has gone over this with Lena in exhaustive detail, and so she recognizes the steps: the summoning of Rao, the official announcement of Clark's intention to bind Kara and Lena, the blessing of the witnesses. There is no opportunity given for an objection; only Rao or the couple themselves may put a stop to this now.

And then there is the exchanging of the bracelets. Lena silently wills her body to stop shaking as Kara approaches, shy and soft in the morning light, holding out a band of braided metal. This is the first of two opportunities to back out: Lena can reject Kara's gift here and now in front of everyone and call the whole thing off. But she is still as Kara meets her eyes, as she fits the bracelet to Lena's left wrist with a silent reverence that raises the hair on the back of Lena's neck. And Kara is still in turn when Lena offers her the bracelet Sam has helped her to acquire: a simple thing, slim and flat so that Kara can hide it under her watch at work if she should wish to.

Clark is moving on, but Lena is caught in that moment, her eyes lingering on a promise made physical, a band across Kara's skin that marks her as Lena's and Lena's only, and she almost misses the transition into the binding. Almost. And then Kara is smiling at her, laughter in her eyes though she remains silent still, the fingers of her right hand weaving through Lena's left. Clark fastens a single thread to Kara's wedding bracelet and then he waits.

There is a silence over the woods so profound that Lena wonders whether all the world is holding its breath. Kara's lips part, but for a long moment she doesn't speak, her eyes darting back and forth between Lena's as though she's still deciding. This is the second and last opportunity to back out: Kara could refuse to say the vows.

But the words that fall from her lips are familiar to Lena, ancient and well worn, melodic in Kara's first language. Clark wraps the thread around their wrists as Kara speaks. To you I make this promise, my love, before Rao that it may be the truth this day and all days to follow. From the moment of this binding your needs will be as my needs, your blood my blood, the desires of your heart my desires too. We are to be no longer two strangers on the road, but one traveler bound to a common destination and a common cause. This in Rao's light I freely swear to you.

Lena wants to look to Sam for reassurance but she feels caught in Kara's eyes. Clark's hands have paused in their work, three and a half turns around, and Lena knows she's supposed to speak now. Sam's words echo in the back of her mind, reminding her that she can always give the vows in English if she's afraid, and she is afraid afraid afraid, but not afraid enough to let Kara commit to this alone. She licks her lips and swallows. Kara's eyes dart down to her mouth for a split second, and Lena is suddenly aware of how close they are.

"To you I make this promise," she begins, Kryptonian words a little more awkward in her mouth than in Kara's.

Kara's eyes go wide as Lena speaks, a gasp slipping unbidden from her lips. Lena can see the tears gathering, can feel Kara trembling, and enough doubt creeps into her mind that she very nearly trips over her own tongue. But Lena didn't survive a Luthor upbringing for nothing; she's not about to let doubt interrupt a well prepared speech. Clark finishes as Lena does, seven turns of the thread around their hands, and fastens the end to Lena's wedding band.

"In Rao's light, so may it be," he intones.

Sam has gone over this particular moment with Lena a couple of times, double and triple checking that she’s emotionally prepared, because on Krpyton as on Earth the vows are sealed with a kiss. And Lena is expecting something chaste, something simple and symbolic. Nothing has prepared her for Kara to step suddenly into her space with a dark expression and tears in her eyes. Nothing has prepared her for Kara's unbound hand tangling in her hair, holding her still as Kara hovers devastatingly close, her nose just brushing Lena's, her breath unnaturally ragged for a being who could break the very Earth apart with her hands should she choose to.

The kiss is, if not chaste, respectful. It's slow and deliberate and Kara doesn't pull back so quickly that Lena doesn't have time to put her own unbound hand on Kara's waist, to kiss Kara back, to feel the barest brush of Kara's tongue against her own before they part.

"In Rao's light, so it is done," Clark says.

And so it is. Lena doesn’t want to move, lost still in Kara’s eyes. All that's left now is to survive the relentless teasing of their witnesses until sundown, whereupon the thread binding them symbolically together can be undone and they can return to their lives. Lena will go home to L-Corp and await the inevitable legal complications against which this marriage is intended to protect her. Kara will return to her dual life as CatCo’s star journalist and Earth's bright eyed champion. They'll have lunches and movie nights and never speak of this outside of the public appearances they'll have to make once in a while for credibility's sake. And that, Lena tells herself, swallowing down the lump that has suddenly appeared in her throat, will have to be enough.

But Kara leans forward, lips brushing against her ear, to whisper in Krpytonian words that are not unfamiliar to Lena after these past few days with Sam. "I'm sorry, my love," she says. And then, to Lena's horror, she pulls away. Not just out of Lena's personal space, but away from Lena altogether, snapping the thread that binds them as she goes. And it's just a symbol, doesn't impact the validity of the marriage, but Sam has warned Lena in advance that breaking the thread before sundown is considered a dark omen or, in some cases, a curse. Lena isn't superstitious, but something in her sickens as Kara stalks across the circle to stand face to face with Sam, a little too close, her eyes faintly aglow, her right hand clenched.

"It was you," Kara says. There's no question in her tone. "You taught her the vows."

Sam meets Kara's eyes, unflinching, her expression impassive.

"You had no right," Kara hisses.

"I had every right," Sam replies.

Kara reaches out and for one terrifying moment Lena thinks she might strike Sam, but all she does is rest a hand against Sam's chest as if she's going to shove her, as if there's going to be a fight right here in the middle of what should be, if not a beautiful moment, at least a moment of relief.

And then Kara turns and walks away back into the woods without another word, and Lena feels as though her legs are going to give out beneath her.

[lovecolibri]

Things that did NOT Spark Joy-3x07

So, how did everyone enjoy yet another episode of the m*ria d*luca show? 🙄🙄🙄 It wasn’t all bad, there was a lot of good and fun stuff which I talked about here, but this is the salt mine and after this week, I hope you all are ready for this high sodium content!

Well, well, well we are back again with things not making sense.

As this absolutely brilliant, must read article pointed out, Eduardo’s version of events and m*ria’s can’t really both be true. Now, could Eduardo be lying and actually be a bad guy? Possibly. But to have us think he’s good, then bad, then back to good, only to go back to bad again is....lazy. And dumb. (If you missed it, definitely read the whole article, it makes some very valid points) 

 We also have Rosa showing up in the middle of the desert with a shotgun but NO explanation of how she got there, or where the gun came from (just like Liz’s mystery gun), 

We have a sword that apparently burned through the back of someone’s car, but did NOT burn through the wood of the house it was hiding in the wall of, or through the case Michael brought to put it in. And covering it in concrete? Michael should know better than to think that would work. Why didn’t he ask Liz to whip up some of that stuff she used at Crash Con to melt the console to see if THAT would work? Michael is too smart for the writers to keep making him this dumb. 

We have Isobel and Liz’s plan, but apparently Isobel didn’t bother to mention that Jones can read emotions like he’s done to her multiple times and maybe if she knew she was feeling so nervous, she should have skipped out? Or at least given everyone some info that could have helped. 

I could have done without the 2x06 reference but since we’re talking about the crazy bootmaker twins, Eduardo said the markings were from Travis(right? that was his name?) Sooooo was it his place that Eduardo drove them out to? Didn’t the sheriff say both men were gone when she arrived after Alex called her about what happened? Did they run back to Deep Sky? When did he commit suicide? 

How did m*ria hide a memory only Rosa could find and trap Jones in a cell in her mind when a few days ago she couldn’t even see her whole vison without piggybacking off of Isobel’s power, the power of the turquoise rock, and drugs? And Jones left her mind and came back soooo, how does he come back automatically in the cell? If they’d given us some basis for how the mind powers work that would be one thing but the only thing we really know is that m*ria’s “power’s” deteriorate her mind, and that last week Isobel couldn’t find m*ria anywhere and certainly didn’t find Jones, but this week m*ria is wondering around just fine and Jones is trapped? Somehow the weakest member of the team is taking on the most powerful villain they’ve met yet? Someone who didn’t even have a hair ruffled out of place under the combined power of Isobel and Michael? Who brushed off Rosa shooting him? By rights he should be able to snuff her out easily but m*ria is “not like other girls” apparently. 🙄🙄🙄

Also, why is Jones using her to see a memory she wasn’t even alive for? I saw a post that mentioned Mimi could see ancestral  memories or something but maybe if the show wants to bring up a throwaway line from a previous season, it should be in the “previously on” clip because I have zero recollection of this info so I doubt GA members do either. But as I said before, why didn’t he go after Mimi as she would be easier to get to, probably put up less of a fight, and people would be less likely to notice something going on with her and he’d be left in peace to work? And why is he having such a hard time getting something from m*ria that she likely doesn’t even know she has or doesn’t know how to access to know to hide it from him?

Now onto the list of things that made me shake my fist at the screen

WHY was Rosa asked to hang around the bar all day (when they established she could hear things from at least a little ways away) and WHY TF did they leave her there sad, frustrated, and alone?! They couldn’t drop her at the Crashdown or hospital or something on their way out? I’m glad Rosa is doing well but literally any of them showing concern and a willingness to think about her struggles would be nice

Loving how things are tying together, NOT loving that the Lockhart Machine is somehow tied to m*ria just like everything else this season. Can Alex not have anything? Oh right, he gets Kyle because no one else can be bothered to care. 🙄 And I know people are like “if Alex was the center of attention you wouldn’t be upset” and you know what? You’re probably right, though I still hold that Liz as the main should be... you know, the main character, but also if ANYONE of the 4 secondary mains was getting more screen time and their own centralized storyline, it SHOULD be Alex, give that of the 4 secondary mains, he is the ONLY one that is the soulmate (that we know of right now) to a main character. So yes, I’m pissed that he’s not more in the middle of things because at least if he was it would make since given his soulmate status with Michael.

Speaking of Alex, all this info on Deep Sky should have happened EPISODES ago. We should be well past just barely getting snippets of what is going on there, so we could be spending this time now building up the Malex friendship/relationship. OR, we should have seen more of that at first and then digging into Deep Sky now would make sense, but getting almost nothing for Alex all season has been a massive disappointment. I want to see more about what’s going on his his head and what his thinking about and planning which they have the time to do, if they stop shoving his story off to the side. Also, letting us have more insight into what Alex is currently feeling about Michael would have been the perfect opportunity to mirror our alien soulmates Liz and Alex by showing both of them being still in love with but also angry at their soulmates. At least I’m guessing Alex is angry at Michael. He’s definitely acted it this season, but with much shakier reasoning as to why compared to the justifications in season 1, and given that he’s NOT angry at m*ria so him being angry at Michael for the same thing doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Not sure that I could ever top that article in addressing the ridiculous centering of m*ria this season but especially in an episode where Kyle is missing, and in a season where we have otherwise seen some great character growth, to have Rosa only looking to work on her powers to help m*ria and not to gain some control in her life was a particularly hard pill to swallow. And while I think it would have been so much cooler and made more since for LIZ to be the one Jones was controlling and holding hostage in their mind, I know that they kind of need her on the outside to do the alien science stuff, especially with Kyle being gone. We could also have seen Max fighting off Jones, but if they wanted a battle for power and an epic showdown, what about the person who’s been pitted against Jones all season? An Isobel mindscape fight with Jones? With all their one-on-one talks this season and their similar powers it makes so much more sense. Plus Lily’s acting chops and great scene chemistry with Nathan Dean?!  THAT is a showdown I would love to see. A bit of a waste of Isobel, who is top billing cast, to have her playing second fiddle to m*ria in a fight m*ria absolutely should not be able to survive, much less win. Besides, if you have to said you’re a resilient bitch, you aren’t. (Though that might just be me being petty because if Isobel delivered that line I’d probably love it. But also, you know Lily would deliver that line, probably while swiping some blood off her lip or something.)

I’m trying not to spend the entire time yelling about the fact that Kyle has been missing and NO ONE has mentioned him or Alex (again) this episode, but OMG KYLE IS STILL MISSING AND NO ONE (barring Alex) SEEMS TO CARE! Not Isobel who in the first few episodes was the only one offering poor, burnt out Kyle any comfort but hasn’t been able to be bothered with him since she’s sooo busy with m*ria, not Michael who spent all last episode tracking bats (and touching them with his bare hands) to find out what happened with the radio and who might have info about Kyle’s whereabouts, not Rosa, Kyle’s sister who we got to see bonding with Kyle in the first few episodes in a way that made it clear that he’s been helping her and keeping an eye on her, and not Liz, who was waiting for Alex to expedite blood samples for her and yet couldn’t be bothered to even ask Michael if he’d heard from Alex and that she was waiting on blood results and it was weird he hadn’t contacted her yet. It’s not THAT hard to work in a short mention like that, or Rosa saying she feels useless because she can’t do anything to help with Kyle. I know the Jones reveal is a big thing, BUT it should tie in with Kyle missing now that they know he was lying about what happened that night. They know Jones has been killing people so did NONE OF THEM THINK THAT MAYBE JONES HAD KILLED KYLE?! DID THIS CROSS NO ONE’S MIND?! BECAUSE IT SURE AS FUCK CROSSED MINE! Anyway. I know I said in some asks that it felt like everyone’s research last ep was about them and their own stuff and not really about Kyle, but damn the show didn’t need to go so hard to prove me right! Though I do feel vindicated for feeling that way since clearly that’s exactly what the show was doing.  It looks like the writers are still failing to hit some pretty basic emotional beats. Like, last episode could have had the last ending shot be Kyle, unconscious and with the monitor beeping but no clues to where he was to build up suspense and tension and to remind us we need to be worried for him! NOT having zero mention of him for most of the episode and even then, only Alex seeming to give him a second thought while everyone else is hanging out at the bar for m*ria’s fundraiser. They really needed ALL of them there  Kyle being missing and no one having heard from Alex would have been the PERFECT time to bring Greg back to help track down his brother and yet, he is again around only as another prop for m*ria.

Soooooo there was just....NO follow up to that almost-Malex scene from last week?! Michael leaves that voicemail and just...walks away never to mention finding a shady secret outpost somewhere? Michael? Paranoid about being discovered by the government Michael? Curiosity and spite is keeping him going and looking into the bats even though Alex is warning him away and telling him it’s probably nothing but he knows in his gut he’s right Michael? Sure, Jan. I mean, on the one hand I’m glad we didn’t have to see this particular director’s vision for Malex, but on the other hand, we are now more than halfway through the season with only TWO (2) Malex scenes?! TWO?!?! And a few brief mentions of other people knowing about them (and yet for some reason, never the right people, the ones closest to them, when it actually mattered 🙄), but that’s it. After SEVEN EPISODES. Hell, we got three face-to-face Malex interactions in the pilot episode which is more than we’ve gotten this whole season! I know they want us to believe they are building up to something but at this point, anything romantic is going to feel so unearned by the writing because we haven’t even gotten to see Malex being friends which Malex fans were REALLY looking forward to! We WANTED to see the longing and pining and flirting and build up. But if THIS is what they think constitutes as friendship then we’d all better bury our expectations a few feet down and hope the writers can still make it over them. I’d be THRILLED to be proven wrong on this front by next week’s episode, but I’m not holding my breath.

[bunnymcbunnister]

SPN Season 15 Spoiler Sheet, update 8/31

Waited until that second trailer came out to post. I am LIVING with all this new content! Mind the disclaimer and check it out under the cut. 

DISCLAIMER: This is gathered info from various sources. This is not confirmed information. Stuff in this WILL be wrong. Don’t take this too seriously. This is for fun. Also, if you use this info for another publication, please let me know as a courtesy. Don’t be a dick. It's all out there, but it hurts to see my same phrasing on other publications after all the work I’ve done to consolidate it…  

General Info (oldest to newest). This is a blend of pre-COVID and post COVID, so some might change. 

They are adding a whole extra day to filming to do the final scene. They will film the final scene last.  (Implies logistics- lots of returning people?) PRE COVID SPOILER

In an interview, Kripe indicated that the series ending would have “peace” for Sam and Dean

Not much new at the TCA’s, but it was said it is “unlikely” Jeffery Dean Morgan will be back since his last appearance was such a good end note. There were some jokes about a Castiel spin off. 

There will be a special tribute ep (Post COVID talk seems to indicate this will stil happen)

Misha will be in 15 out of 20 episodes this season (he’s missed 3 so far and I suspect will miss 14 and 16, unclear about 19). 

Cas’ deal with the Empty may come up later in the season. 

Jack will be a critical part of the ending of the show

Dean and Amara’s connection will be explored

There will be a bunker themed episode (MarySue article)

In one of his cookbook interviews, Misha used the word “we” several times when talking about the final scene of Supernatural. He said that would be the last scene they shoot. It seemed to imply that he was in the scene, but that could be open to interpretation. 

JaxCon/Vegas Con spoilers: 

Misha said the ending was “happier than he expected” but also had some sadness. He later used “sad and redemptive”

Misha mentioned that Claire will be mentioned on the show, but as of yet not appear. 

Dean says the line “stop killing my people” (to god?)

Jensen said he doesn’t see how the story could continue past this season, but Jared said its more of “a see you later”

Misha confirmed he’s in the final scene, but he also indicated he had one week of filming left (total?) PRE COVID SPOILER

Al Cal posted a pic of a “thrown away” call sheet that seem to indicate Micheal, Lucifer, and a character named “Betty” interacting in the bunker. Unclear as to the validity. 

There will be a flashback episode

Charlie (original flavor) will return

Filming will resume on Aug 18th. Per Canadian policy, they must quarantine for two weeks. Those quarantining seems to include:

Fairly Clear: Jared, Jensen, Jake Abel (Micheal), Rob Benedict (Chuck/God) Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer), Al Cal (didn't need to quarantine, but he is definitely on set)

Unclear/Rumored: Misha (he is being deliberately cagey), Osric Chau (Kevin- but likely for another project, he was a week ahead of everyone else) Jim Beaver (Bobby) flew to Vancouver on 8/26, so he could make it for the last couple days of filming with a quarantine 

No idea: Shoshannah Stern and Ruth 

Reasons Unlikely: Sam Smith (chemo treatment), Kim Rhodes (working at a camp during quarantine)

Jensen said sp 19 is more of a season finale, while 20 is a series finale. Repeated in interviews/livestreams. 

Megan Fitz. complimented both Dabb’s and Glynn’s writing on twitter. Not sure if it is in reference to rewrites or the special retrospective that is planned. 

Jensen indicated that the ending did change per COVID protocols. Unclear how much.

Misha is being very, very cagey about where he is. Some live streams seem to indicate he is not at home, but he has yet to confirm- his presence in 19/20 is hard to track. In an interview with Metaverse, he was in bed in a hotel looking space and you could see mountains in the background. He was not on set for the first week of filming, so he could be a week behind. 

Misha has thrown around the words “final”  and “what he <Misha> would have wanted” per Cas’ ending. “Sad/Proud” and “poignant” were also used. 

The final episodes will premier October 8th. The finale will air Nov 19th in conjunction with an hour long special. 

A trailer was released on 8/27. Scenes included:

A moving speech from Sam to Dean

(Possibly from 18) A teary conversation between Dean and Cas

Injured Dean being helped by Cas in the bunker

Jack breaking some cuffs/bring thrown into a wall/saying he has to kill god

Dean and his grenade launcher and a purple nightgown 

Sam in a sweater vest getting a gun from under a pillow

A glimpse of a body with “Lust” written above it/a matronly woman (I think the villain from 14) saying “Boys”

Ghost Dean? Little Sam cutting off a hand

Some intermixed scenes from past episodes

A second trailer was released on 8/31. Scenes included:

A monologue from Billie about god coming to destroy the planet plus her banging on a bunker door (with her hand all gooey) and striking someone with her sythe

Jack continuing his speech about killing god but expanding that he has a ritual to do

Lots of red danger lights in the bunker/ 3 people getting tossed around in the bunker/Chuck in the bunker

Chuck saying he doesn't believe Sam and Dean can kill him

Young Sam and not ghost Young dean

Dean angrily driving the Impala then saying “its time”

Cas drawing his blade in front of an old truck to protect someone in a suit (Jack? I cant tell)

More Dean tears

A surprise appearance from Bobby

Some of the same scenes as before

Episode 15x14

Title: Last Holiday

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME – Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) discover a wood nymph (guest star Meagan Fey) living in the bunker who is determined to protect her family, at any cost. Eduardo Sanchez directed the episode written by Jeremy Adams (#1514). Original airdate 3/30/2020.

Written by: Jeremy Adams

Director: Eduardo Sanchez

Filming Dates:1/15- 1/24

Airdate: unknown- October 8th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? eh… I don't think so Jack ? yes

Guest stars: 

Other Spoilers/info:

Misha mentioned being at an airport the first day of filming, maybe he’ll miss this one

The director shared a BTS shot with AlCal’s chair in the background. He also posted on that looked like the statues in hell. Lots of filming at the bunker. A few impala shots were shared as well. 

In an EW article, a mysterious woman gives Sam and Dean every holiday they ever missed. Based on the title, I’m guessing this!

 Episode 15x15

Title: Gimme Shelter

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: ?? Davy Perez???? They seem to be keeping it under wraps for some reason

Director: Matt Cohen

Filming Dates: 1/27-2/5

Airdate: unknown. October 15th?

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ?yes  Jack ? Yes

Guest stars: 

Other Spoilers/info:

There was some filming done at the crossroads with only Misha. 

Alex and Misha filmed together

It seems as if J2 didn’t film at all the first week, Misha filmed six or seven days, this is a Cas centric ep

Episode 15x16

Title: Drag Me Away (From You)

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: Megan Fitzmartin

Director: Amyn Kaderali

Filming Dates: 2/6-2/17

Airdate: October 22nd?

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? I think so… briefly? Jack ? not sure either. 

Guest stars: IMDB credits Lisa Berry (Billie/Death)

Other Spoilers/info:

Alex got a cast of his face around the filming of this- so this ep or the one after

Looks like we get Dean in a robe!

They filmed at Rooster’s Sunrise Hotel for 3 days/nights

This might be the flashback ep

Episode 15x17

Title: Unity

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: Meredith Gylnn

Director: Catrion McKenzie

Filming Dates: 2/19-2/28

Airdate: Oct 29th?

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes

Guest stars: Rob benedict and Emily Sparrow

Other Spoilers/info:

Chuck and Amara trailers were seen on set when filming in a garden

Jensen was in NOLA Friday, possible Monday

“Uriel” was around for filming (Post COVID update: Misha seemed to indicate that this was because the actor was nearby filming? Not sure if this is to cover up the spoiler or the truth)

Alex and Jensen filmed in the imala

Episode 15x18

Title: The Truth

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: BOBO

Director: Speight

Filming Dates: 3/2--3/11

Airdate: Nov 5th?

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes

Guest stars: 

Other Spoilers/info:

Misha and Alex filmed near the impala. J2 showed up later that night. This was the source of the “last time they all filmed on set” photo)

An really emotional scene was filmed with Misha and Jensen. Jared was definitely not there, but Alex was on the flight they took with Rich, so its possible he was too. This was revealed at a con in which the four of them were on a plane that had an in-flight problem.

Filming watchers saw a bro hug

Tape Ball posted a shot of field that looks like were dean came back from hell

Misha indicated this was his “favorite episode” in a recent interview

Episode 15x19

Title: Inherit the Earth

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: bucklelimg

Director: John Showalter

Filming Dates:: 3/12-3/23/cancelled for COVID and then 8/18-8/27

Airdate: Nov 12th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? unknown Jack ? yes

Guest stars: Jake Abel (Micheal), Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer) 

Other Spoilers/info:

Production shut down as a precaution for coronavirus on 3/13, two days into filming. It is scheduled to start again on Aug 18th. 

Jensen indicated there might be some re-writes for this ep to account for COVID protocols.

When they started filming, they indicated they were on day two. So maybe they could only use some of the scenes they shot? Then they added an extra day all called it day 9. COVID protocols makes things take longer 

AlCal was definitely on set. 

Jake Abel is definitely on set, and he posted an instagram story with his trailer and Lucifer’s (Mark Pelligrino)

Some filming was done at a gas station called Showalter’s (name of the director) with Jared, Jensen, and Alex

Jake “Spoiler King” Abel filmed a video showing chairs for Jared, Jensen, and Alex as well as Rob Benedict (Chuck/God). They were filming near a lake with a mountain view (that looked similar to where Cas died in season 13)

Rob Benedict posted it was his last day in Vancouver, indicating we won't see Chuck past this episode? Or very very briefly in 20? Jake Abel posted a similar message, also baiting fans about Misha’s whereabouts 

 Episode 15x20

Title: Carry On

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: Dabb

Director: Bob Singer

Filming Dates: 8/28- 911? (9/7 is Labor Day, not sure if that affect filming in Canada, or if the finale still requires an extra day. COVID makes things take longer as well)

Airdate: November 19th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? maaaaybe? Jack ? maaaaybe?

Guest stars: 

Other Spoilers/info:

Misha is in the final scene, per pre COVID interviews. 

Jake Abel used a “we” when he tweeted about getting back to work as soon as the virus scare ended, indicating Adam/Micheal would be part of the finale. He is quarantining, so this seems likely. Now looking like he was referencing 19.

Jensen indicated filming would take two weeks, longer than usual

[janegrey9]

how you get the girl

CLEARLY i am on a taylor kick rn, i listened to this song last night and couldn’t get this idea out of my head, so here you go!

summary: luke screws up and goes to the wise words of taylor swift for advice.

warnings: cursing

word count: 1406

“I can’t believe you right now.” Julie was mad.

“Believe it!” So was Luke.

“How can you say something like that?” Julie said, her voice thick.

“Because it’s true! It’s not my fault you’re refusing to believe the truth right now.”

“It’s not! It’s not the truth, and even if it was, you don’t get to decide that considering you’ve never even listened to Taylor Swift’s music!”

“I don’t have to listen to it to know it’s bad! I heard Shake It Off and I didn’t need to listen to the rest of it!”

Reggie and Alex had left the room over twenty minutes ago, when the argument had started. They knew better than to stick around when Luke started arguing about music.

“Taylor Swift’s music was crazy important to my childhood! If Dad hadn’t bought me her Speak Now album when I was six, I would have never fallen in love with music! Mom was ready to give up on teaching me piano when I got that album!” Julie yelled. She was on the verge of tears, her eyes burning as she tried to stay somewhat composed and hold them back.

“And Nirvana was important to me! Do you think I would have picked up a guitar without them?” Luke said, gesturing wildly as his emotions grew.

“And that’s great Luke, but I don’t care! I’m not the one saying their music is bad here!” Julie cried out, throwing her hands up. “But you’re not listening to me! I’m telling you that I love Taylor Swift’s music and that it’s important to me and that, objectively, it’s good music! But you are refusing to listen to me! Get off your high horse for five goddamn minutes, Luke! You are not the only person with good taste!” 

And then she stormed out of the studio, leaving Luke alone, Julie’s words ringing in his ears. He knew he had fucked up, it was pretty obvious, but he still didn’t understand how it had escalated to that point. He had been coming back into the studio after hanging out with Reggie, Alex, and Willie on the pier, and the four boys had found Julie dancing around the studio with Flynn, Shake It Off blasting through the stereo. 

Julie and Flynn were scream-singing along to the annoying pop song, decked out in the fanciest dresses Luke had ever seen Julie in. It looked like something a movie star would wear, and it totally took his breath away - in that way only Julie could. When the song had ended and Julie finally noticed the boys standing there, Willie had already left, and Julie had screamed, not expecting to see Luke, Alex, and Reggie there.

“Julie! Julie, stop screaming, for God’s sake, stop!” Flynn had yelled. “What happened?”

Julie took a deep breath, her hand clasped over her heart as if to make it stop beating. “Sorry, Flynn. The boys scared me!” 

“They’re here?” Flynn asked, looking around for any sign of the ghosts.

“Yeah. They’re standing right in front of me. Luke is on the left, Alex is in the middle, and Reggie is on the right.” Julie pointed to each boy in turn.

“Hey guys! What do you think of our dresses? They’re for Junior Prom!” Flynn said, their excitement palpable.

“Looks great!” Reggie said with a thumbs up.

“Yeah, you guys look really good.” Alex agreed. “But, uh, what was that song that was playing?”

“They say we look good.” Julie told Flynn. Flynn smiled at where she assumed the boys were, slightly to the left of where they actually were. “And the song is Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.”

“Oh, yeah, Willie mentioned her. It was a good song.” Alex said, nodding. 

“Yeah, it’s definitely your kind of music, Alex. I love Taylor’s music. She has a song for every occasion.” Julie gushed.

Luke watched this interaction with growing indignation. Julie liked that crap? Genuinely? He couldn’t understand why; it sounded so generic. Nothing like what people used to listen to, and definitely not what he was expecting from Julie of all people.

“What, you listen to that stuff when you’re angry? Sad?” He blurted out.

“Yes? Sometimes? It’s a mood booster. And she has other music. It doesn’t all sound like that.” Julie said, her eyebrows raised slightly at Luke’s words.

“If it sounds even close to that I can’t understand how you could like it.” Luke said firmly.

“I like it because it’s good. Her lyrics are basically gospel at this point.” Julie replied, growing obviously angry. Alex, sensing a coming argument, smiled quickly and apologetically at Julie, grabbed Reggie’s wrist, and poofed out of the studio.

Luke scoffed. “That is not good. Nirvana is good. Rush is good, the Beatles are good. That was pop garbage.”

Flynn was watching the exchange with confusion before they pulled out her phone and glanced at the time. 

“Oh, shit, Jules! I gotta go, the twins’ game starts in ten minutes!” Flynn said, talking about their twin brothers. “Okay. You can leave the dress here again if you want.” Julie offered, giving Flynn a quick hug.

“Yeah, I will. See you later! Bye guys!” Flynn called before leaving the studio. As soon as her friend was gone, Julie wheeled on Luke.

“I can’t believe you right now.”

Which brought them to now. Now, when Julie was mad at Luke for insulting one of her favorite musicians. Okay, maybe he could understand how they got to that point. Now that he was no longer in the heat of the moment, Luke could maybe see how calling music Julie liked “pop garbage” could make her mad. But how to apologize?

“Her lyrics are basically gospel at this point.” Julie had said. Maybe he could turn to some of her music for advice? It was a long shot, but maybe it would show Julie that he really was sorry.

Luke walked over to the stereo where the CD case for the album Julie was just playing was. The cover looked like a polaroid picture of a blonde woman with red lipstick, wearing a shirt with birds on it. On the bottom, it said T.S. 1989. Luke turned over the case to find the song list on the back.

Welcome To New York

Blank Space

Style

Out Of The Woods

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Shake It Off

I Wish You Would

Bad Blood

Wildest Dreams

How You Get The Girl

Luke stopped. How You Get The Girl, huh? That could be exactly what he needed. He pressed play on the stereo, skipping the next three songs after Shake It Off to get to How You Get The Girl and maybe find some ideas on how to win his girl back.

“You stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain…” The song started, and Luke sat down on the couch and waited for inspiration to strike.

Ten minutes later, Luke had a plan.

Julie was in her room, nursing her pride after Luke had trampled all over it with his words about Taylor Swift’s music. Julie knew she was right, she knew the music was good and her opinion was valid, but she felt kind of bad at how she had yelled at Luke. She was about to get up and try to talk it out with him, when someone knocked on her door. When she opened it, Julie was shocked to see Luke standing there, fidgeting as he waited. She opened the door wider, wordlessly letting him in before going back to sit on her bed.

“I’m sorry.” the words seemed to tumble from his mouth.

“Oh?” Julie said, her mouth quirking up slightly at his apologetic expression.

“I’m sorry I said that about the music you like. I’m sorry I said it was bad.” Julie opened her mouth to say it was okay, that she forgave him, when he kept going. “I listened to more of her music. Specifically, How You Get The Girl.” Luke summoned his acoustic guitar and cleared his throat. 

“I want you for worse or for better,” he started singing. Julie’s eyes widened, understanding filling them. “I would wait for ever and ever. Broke your heart, I’ll put it back together, I would wait for ever and ever.”

Before he could keep going, Julie spoke. “I forgive you. Thank you.” And when she leaned in and kissed Luke, he knew he got the girl.

[spaceskam]

For the fanfic mash-up thing: how about 10 and 72 for Malex?

this prompt is literally like a year old whoop. from this prompt list 

10. airport/travel au & 72. stranded on a desert island

warnings: plane crash, anxiety, injury, open ending

ao3

Michael Guerin hated planes.

He spent most of his life avoiding them which was easy. His childhood rendered them virtually nonexistent and his adulthood had always carried the excuse of poverty. It worked out. Until now when he found himself five seconds away from throwing up on his ex-something as they waited to board the plane.

“Are you sure you don’t want to even half of one?” Alex asked. He’d basically been trying to feed Michael his anxiety meds from the moment he realized Michael was nervous. It was painfully attractive and annoying of him to try to take care of him like that.

“You need them more than me, that’s why they’re prescribed to you,” Michael argued.

“You’re going to have a full blown panic attack if you don’t calm down,” Alex said, “Why didn’t you tell Isobel you were scared of planets?”

“And ruin her dream destination wedding that she can finally have because it’s her second one and she doesn’t need to have everyone come out, just the ‘nearest-and-dearest’, and that your brother took off of work for, and that you pulled strings to get me a last minute passport for? Absolutely not,” Michael said. He didn’t have to look at Alex to know he was rolling his eyes.

“You might ruin it anyway if you show up having a full blown breakdown,” Alex said.

“Shut up, I’m fine. I am perfectly and entirely fine,” Michael said, taking a deep breath, “I don’t need your help.”

“Okay,” Alex sighed.

And he was able to pretend that that was the truth until they called for them to board the plane.

Michael was shaking and sweating and already looking for exits. He didn’t know why he was so fucking scared. Nothing bad was going to happen. The plane was going to land and he was going to be absolutely fine. Fine, fine, fine.

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, buckling himself in immediately and identifying the little oxygen mask. Alex sat on the side near the aisle and Michael sat by the window. He didn’t look out of it though, instead choosing to look straight ahead.

Isobel was already there, ready to have her lovely wedding to Gregory in Cabo and Michael was going to be there if it killed him. Max and Liz were flying there from California and that was their wedding party. It was small and just about immediate family. And Michael was going to be there.

The plane started to move and Michael was gripping the arm rests like it was the only thing saving him. He hated this. All the way up until Alex reached over and laid his hand on top of Michael’s. He fiddled with it until he locked their fingers and squeezed.

“You can crush my hand, it won’t hurt me,” Alex promised him. And if it were any other situation, Michael would’ve sat there and let himself overthink every tiny thing about the fact that Alex was holding his hand. However, he was way too scared for all that and just squeezed and ignored Alex’s soft laughter.

Even after the plane took off, Michael didn’t let go. He clutched Alex’s hand until his started to cramp up and then he powered through the cramps to keep holding onto it. He just stared forward and tried to will away the bad feelings.

And it was all full and games until the plane shook.

“It’s just turbulence,” Alex said, voice soft and promising. Michael swallowed harshly.

“You promise?”

“Yeah, it’s normal.”

But then it happened again and worse.

Alex didn’t say anything that time, just rubbed his thumb soothingly over the back of his hand as the flight attendant asked everyone to put their seat belts back on. There was rough winds, they said. Michael swallowed harshly.

“It’s okay,” Alex said, giving his hand a little squeeze.

Except it wasn’t okay.

Things started to move too fast, the plane was shaking and waving through the air. People were screaming, the flight attendant requested they put on their oxygen masks. And Michael knew this was going to happen. Bad, bad, bad.

Alex held onto him and stayed completely stoic. Michael almost felt guilty about that. He was staying calm because he wanted Michael to stay calm. He should get to freak out too, right?

Then they were going down.

-

Michael Guerin hated planes.

And now, in the middle of the woods, with the plane suspended amongst trees in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people screaming and hurt and dying and dead, he felt like he had a completely valid reason to hate them. He hated them more than anything in the entire world. Higher than Jesse Manes and snakes.

With a little unconventional use of his power, Michael had gotten himself and Alex safely to the ground. Sort of safely. There was a doctor on board and a couple other soldiers assessing everyone and trying to help them, triage them. Michael didn’t feel bad putting his full focus onto Alex.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” Alex breathed, eyes closed as he laid on the ground. Somewhere during the plane going down and him trying to keep Michael calm, he’d taken a dislodged tray to the thigh. It was stuck in him and he was still trying to act calm.

“Alex,” Michael breathed. He’d thrown away his panic for the time being. He was still a little shaky, but he had his priority set on this man as it always should’ve been. “Alex, hey, I’m gonna get it out.”

“What? No, no, don’t do that,” Alex said, shaking his head. His hair was matted to his forehead and he was pale and he was bleeding and this was unfair. “Could make it worse.”

“No, look, I’ll make a tourniquet,” Michael said, already ripping his shirt to tie around his thigh.

“No,” Alex said, shaking his head and pushing at his shoulder, “No.”

“Alex,” Michael said a little desperately, “I need to get it out so I can try to heal you.” That got his attention.

“What? No, no. No, no, no. There’s people.”

“I don’t fucking care, Alex, you’re hurt!” he argued. Alex shook his head.

Alex was able to keep his stoic composure up until he tried to move a little to show he was fine. He let out an involuntary groan of pain and then gasped as it moved another way. A few heavy breaths later, Alex nodded.

“Okay, heal it,” he whispered. Michael nodded and immediately tied the fabric around his thigh and went to remove the tray. He moved slow and Alex did his best to stay calm. He had to admit, it was impressive how calm he stayed.

Blood gushed as the tray was removed and Michael hated it. He immediately covered it with his hand and was preparing to try his damnedest to heal him. Alex grabbed his shoulder.

“Wait,” he said, "Wait.”

“What?”

“Just, wait,” Alex said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, “If you do this, will you be able to feel my feelings?”

“Only if you want me to,” Michael assured him. That was, at least, what Max had said. “But I can’t promise you won’t be able to feel mine even when I don’t want you to. So, if you’re, like suddenly in love with me after this, don’t trust it.”

Alex gave a breathy laugh, squeezing his shoulder before he moved his hand to his jaw. “I’m already there, I’ll let you know if I feel anymore.”

“Okay,” Michael said, taking a deep breath as he pressed his hand over the wound. He felt like that just added fuel to the fire already brewing in him. “Okay, thank you.”

He’d been practicing for awhile now with Isobel and Max and he’d been getting pretty good at it. The main problem was that he usually didn’t do it when he was this stressed out. Alex was hurt. Actually hurt. He could’ve died. And they hand’t even fixed their bullshit yet.

It took a few seconds, long seconds, almost a minute, but eventually his mind swirled and blurred and he slowly pieced Alex back together from the inside out. He didn’t scream, not wanting to draw any attention to himself, just fed on Alex and the fact that he loved him more than anything.

After draining himself into Alex, he tipped forward a little and caught himself on the ground. So he sat there on all fours over Alex’s lap and just breathed and tried not to focus on the fact that this was bad. Alex getting hurt was just the tip of the iceberg. There were in the middle of nowhere after a fucking plane crash and Isobel’s wedding was still happening.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked.

“Are you?” Michael asked right back. Neither of them really gave appropriate answers.

Alex swallowed and grabbed his head, pulling him into his chest. Michael let himself fall and breath him in.

They were going to be okay.

There weren’t any other options.

[aewriting]

Malex and Sovereignty

Ooooh boy, settle in, folks, have I got a meta for you!  This is not leaving me alone, so I had to type it up and get it out, ha.

One of the things I love about art and media is that they are up for interpretation.  The creator brings certain views and intentions, and then all consumers of the art come to it with their own backgrounds and perspectives, and may interpret the art in different ways. There are as many perfectly valid ways to interpret art as there are consumers and creators of art, and each interpretation is intensely personal.

I was reminded of this when I read some of the discourse around the fire pit scene with Michael and Alex in episode 2x04, and I wanted to share my own personal interpretation and perspective. As mentioned above, this certainly isn’t representative of every viewpoint, and it is heavily colored by my own background and interests.

I saw this scene as an act of respect and love.  Because in my personal lexicon, sovereignty, freedom, autonomy, and agency are some of the deepest human desires, and enhancing these qualities, in oneself and others, in an act of love and care.

I am no scholar of the Arthurian legends, but one particular story that always resonated with me is the legend of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell (also known as the Loathely Lady).  It’s easy to lookup online and (consistent with the central thesis of this post) there are many different versions and interpretations.  In a nutshell, though, King Arthur has been tasked with determining what women most desire, or he is to die.  Typical patriarchal answers ensue (Jewelry! Clothes! Attention! A handsome strong husband!), and then they encounter an older, unattractive woman in the woods (ahhh the crone –  the scariest iteration of woman known to man, yes? An older, wise woman without sexual currency, ha). She sees their struggles with the riddle and makes a deal – she will tell them the answer in exchange for a marriage with an attractive young knight – Sir Gawain, King Arthur’s nephew. Everyone agrees, and she gives them the answer – a woman most desires SOVEREIGNTY (“to rule our lives as we see fit, to not be beholden to another,” says one version). I would argue that EVERYONE, not just women, desires sovereignty.  This is the correct answer, Gawain and the crone, Dame Ragnell marry, and in the bed chamber, it is revealed that Dame Ragnell transforms into a beautiful young woman when night falls.  She informs Gawain that he may choose whether she is beautiful by night or day.  Ultimately, he respects her sovereignty and allows her to make the choice herself, thus breaking the curse and allowing her to embody the form of her choosing at the time of her choosing.

When I watched the scene with Michael and Alex at the fire pit, two things stood out most to me.  First, Alex’s transparency.  He is being so open here, which is unusual for him.  He gives the spaceship piece to Michael.  Acknowledges that he has had it for a while.  Tells him he kept it because he didn’t want him to go, and says that he will not stand in Michael’s way.   This is huge for Alex!  This is a character that typically does not prioritize what he wants, a character who at times tries to overcontrol situations and shoulder quite a bit of responsibility for the outcomes of a situation. Likely a lot of this developed while living in an abusive household and got strengthened during his decade of military service. Not a lot of room for sovereignty in either of those settings.

And that is the second thing that stood out to me – sovereignty.  Alex gave Michael the spaceship piece and communicated that he will not stand in Michael’s way, regardless of what he decides to do with this.  I can see how some may interpret this as him giving up on the relationship, but I viewed this as such an intense act of caring and respect. Of love.  Because rather than try to guide the outcome of this situation, rather than withholding the spaceship piece, he is allowing Michael to choose. Whether they were in a relationship or not, I believe I would view this as both an act of love and an act of growth, for Alex.  

I also think, personally, that this is a gesture that Michael can understand. The spaceship is given without strings, for Michael to do with as he pleases. Michael is also from an abusive background where he had very little autonomy, and he has communicated to Alex his displeasure with his perceived lack of agency in their relationship in the past.  Not only that, he equates other people’s gifts and acts of service as charity and is distrustful of accepting such help for fear of “owing” others something.  For Alex to grant Michael the choice here, with no additional expectations… in my head canon, painful as this scene was, I believe Michael may be able to see the love that was behind this gesture more clearly than other assistance Alex has given him.

And yes, you better believe I am starting a new Malex fanfiction version of Sir Gawain and the Dame Ragnell, haha!

[inknopewetrust]

in the cloak of darkness pt. 3

Summary: “I’ve liked you for a long time...”

Pairing: Detective Loki x Reader 

Word Count: 3.67k 

Warnings: Mature Language, mature themes. 

A/N: Please visit the most recent post for any updates. 

Parts: 01 | 02 |...| 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 |

The Dover’s lived on the edge of a turn, the house was adorned with wood on the outside and was an odd shape, at least to you. The yard was encapsulated by trees, the forest constantly reminding the family of the possible location of Anna and Joy. 

After your conversation with Loki, everything was cumbersome. The only words that were shared were, ‘let’s go’ and ‘we’re here.’ Loki let you lead this one, at least for the introductions. You walked up the steps and knocked on the door, then rang the doorbell once. You and Loki barely exchanging a glance at one another. 

“Hi, can I help you?” A woman, middle aged with blonde hair opened the door. You smiled as kindly as you could to not worry her and moved to show her your badge. 

“Hi Mrs. Dover, I’m Detective L/N and this is Detective Loki, we were hoping to catch up with you on what you discussed with the police last night and about the polygraph test this morning. We will be leading the case to find your daughter.” You tell her and she nods her head along, gathering the information you just stated before she opened the door and led you inside. She brought you into the living room which had appeared quite put together, besides the woman who just made herself comfortable, wrapping her body around a blanket and sitting in the seat closest to the edge of the couch. Loki sat down on the other end, taking out his phone to answer whoever might have texted him. You took a seat before her on the recliner. 

“So did we pass?” Grace Dover asks either of you but she had been watching Loki text on his phone. He stopped and put the phone in his pocket before turning to her. 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He replied and she asked again. 

“The poly thing, the lie detector we took this morning, did we pass?” She said and crossed her arms in front of her. 

“Oh, yeah... yeah, sorry. Yes, we appreciate your cooperation.” Loki looked away from her and folded his hands in front of him. Grace looked over to you and you looked from watching Loki to her. 

“It’s embarrassing... all this fuss.” She tells the both of you and you furrow your brows at her, confused as to why she would consider his missing child a fussy situation. 

“Everyone’s going to think we’re crazy when those two come out of hiding, where ever they are.” She sighs and looks down the hallway where she had said her husband was just using the bathroom. 

“Mrs. Dover, do you have any reason to believe that they ran away?” You asked her and she shrugged a bit. 

“No...” She whispered and cringed at herself inwardly before looking at the both of you. 

“They’re happy... They must have run away.” Grace nodded her head at no one in particular, more so she was trying to convince herself that they had run away. 

“They must have run away, right?” She looked at Loki and he nodded his head and gave her a small, sympathetic smile. 

“Um.” Grace cleared her throat and tried to look more enthused. 

“Your Police Captain told me that you’ve solved every case you’ve ever been assigned, is that right?” She asked Loki and he looked away from her, meeting your eyes for the first time since the fight in the car. Grace looked over at you then and tried to give you a smile. You broke the gaze between you and Loki and looked back at her. 

“Do you have children, Detective?” She seemed to ask only you but you weren’t sure. 

“No... We’re going to find you daughter, Mrs. Dover.” You reassured her and Loki nodded at her too. She broke down crying and Loki continued to talk to calm her nerves. 

“We believe that they came back here after they left the Birches yesterday.” Loki told her but the conversation was interrupted by Mr. Dover, Keller, who entered the living room fixing the buttons on the cuffs of his shirt. He was a tall man, a bit taller than Loki and looked like a lumberjack, a full beard covered his face and he wore plaid and heavy looking shoes. You stood, along with Loki in a way of greeting him coming into the room. 

“They were looking for Anna’s red whistle.” He stated and moved over to his wife who was still crying on the couch. She clung onto him as he rubbed a hand over her head and unwashed hair. 

“Right.” Loki agreed. “I read your statement.” 

“I’m Detective Loki, this is my partner Detective L/n.” Loki introduced you and you were slowly getting sick of introducing yourselves to new people. Keller shook both of your hands. 

“We are leading the investigation regarding your daughter’s disappearance.” You comment and he nods at you in understanding. Loki gestured to the couch, offering Keller a place to sit. 

“Please, sit down.” 

“No...” He stutters a few words before finding what he wanted to say. 

“My son, he told you that the guy was just inside the RV just watching ‘em.” He waits for Loki to give him some kind of response to what his son had told police earlier in the day. 

“We haven’t found any physical evidence inside the RV, or his Aunt’s house where he lives.” Loki responded with a straight face, trying to be as professional as he could. 

“Nothing?” Keller almost whispers in sadness with a strangled look gracing his grizzly face. 

“Alex Jones, we found out, has the IQ of a ten year old boy... We don’t believe he could be capable of something like this.” You disclose to the Dover’s and they look at you, confusion finding a home between them. 

“Well how can he drive an RV if he can’t answer a question.” Keller inquires and Loki defends you as Keller became visibly upset. 

“He has a valid Pennsylvania license.” Loki tells him and Keller becomes more conflicted and confused. 

“And they said he ran, right? They said he tried to run away, why would he run?” 

“We’ve just spent ten hours questioning this boy. I hear what you’re saying.” Loki extends his arm, trying to diffuse the situation before Keller explodes like a bomb. 

“Did you give him a lie detector, you gave us a lie detector, did you give him one?” 

“Sir, I understand what you’re asking me, yes we did. We gave him a lie detector, but there’s no way he-” Loki laughs in frustration a little bit and that made Keller angry. 

“A lie detector doesn’t work if you don’t understand the questions.” Loki tells him and suddenly Keller and Loki were talking over one another and everything spiraled out of control. 

“Shut the fuck up for a fucking second!” Keller shouted at Loki and Grace flinched and wheezed a little and Keller realized what he had said and his words were out of hand. You moved toward Loki, teaming up by his side and he looked at you, sighing to himself but not letting Keller affect him. 

“This is what I’m going to have you do for me, I’m going to need you to calm down.” Keller collected himself and took in a deep breath to calm his nerves. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just-just listen to me for a second...” 

“Mr. Dover, I know this is an incredibly difficult thing to go through, we have every police officer in the state looking for Joy and Anna right now.” You told him, giving Loki a break from dealing with Keller himself. 

“How could you possibly know what this feels like? My daughter is gone! And there’s nothing that we know can help find her!” Keller explains and Grace just cries more into Keller’s arm. 

“My sister went missing when I was eleven. I got into this career to stop little children from being taken and prevent families from feeling what my family went through. We will find Anna and bring her home to you, I promise.” You explain to them and Grace looked up from Keller’s arm and looks to you. 

“Did they ever find your sister?” Grace asked but immediately apologized. You looked at her and then Keller, turning to Loki and giving him a look which he only could read as ‘I need to leave’ and he let you go. You could hear Grace apologize to Loki again for what she said and he reassured her that you would be just fine. Just fine. 

You sat in the car waiting for a few minutes before Loki exited the house. You watched him as he made his way to the car, He must have received a text or call because he took out his phone but immediately put it back, ignoring whoever it was. He got into the car, ready to turn on the ignition but was interrupted by Keller yelling at the car. 

“Detectives! Detectives!” 

“Shit.” Loki mumbled under his breath and rolled down the window, Keller’s eyes flashing between the two of you as he tried to get answers about Alex Jones. 

“He stays in custody until my daughter is found right? Right?” 

“We have a forty-eight hour hold on him, it ends tomorrow unless we bring charges.” Loki tells him. 

“Well charge him with something, charge him.” 

“Mr. Dover-” 

“That man abducted two little girls and that has to be worth something to keep him in custody and I want you to be one hundred percent sure. Thank you, I appreciate it.” Keller left and Loki rolled the window back up, turned on the car and drove off. 

“I never thought I would use Lucy as an excuse to get people to trust me, but I guess there’s a first time for everything...” You said quietly, trailing off as your crossed your arms over your chest, warming your body with the big blue coat you wore and looked out the window. 

“I think they felt they weren’t alone. They’ll at least trust you now.” Loki replied and you shrugged. 

“I don’t know...” You whispered and just hoped he get to the station faster than usual so you could get out of the car and away from everything for a minute. 

“I’m sorry about what I did earlier... I-” He cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” 

“No, I overreacted, it’s something we should have talked about before.” You say and he agrees with you, no questions asked. But he hesitated for a moment before asking you his own question, afraid of a screaming match waiting to break free from inside the two of you due to overwhelming frustrations in work and life. 

“Should we talk about it now?” He asked and you sigh and rub your hand over your face, not right now, not right now. 

“I don’t want to bring this into work. You can drive to my house, then we can talk there if that’s alright with you.” You suggest and he taps his fingers against the steering wheel in contemplation. 

“Ok.” 

The station was no different than before you had left that morning. There were news stations parked outside, reporters standing by the door waiting for someone to come and talk to them. Loki pulled into a spot specifically reserved for employees of the precinct and the two of you sat in the car for a moment watching the press. 

“They’re fucking animals.” You comment and he laughs, for the first time since your argument, and points to a woman in a blazer and skirt. Heels on her feet and her hair was done up like some early two-thousands bride. 

“I suppose no one told her it was the end of November huh?” You snickered at the thought and grabbed the files from the back, reaching over the center consul, trying to avoid touching Loki too much as you gathered the files. 

“O’Malley should really give a press conference; you can’t keep people in the dark when two kids are missing. He’s a prick and an asshole who shouldn’t be Captain of this force. All he wants is to go home and sit at the dinner table with his family and tries to get through his day without an incident, but the minute something horrible happens he keeps the doors closed and everyone out so we can deal with it internally, and who does that help when no one knows what’s going on? No one.” You huff and put papers back in their respective folders before handing the ones Loki had been working on to him and then getting out of the car. 

Loki waited for you at the trunk of the car to avoid one of you getting bombarded with reporters, which you were thankful for because it did happen as soon as you got close to the doors. Everyone was asking what was going on, who the two of you were, what was your involvement with the case, and rumors that circled around it. You ignored them both and Loki opened the door, letting you in first before closing it harshly behind him and shooing the reporters away. 

At your desk, you took off your jacket and replaced it with the blazer that had been sitting on the back of your chair. Your desk was across from Loki’s and you shared the cubical with two officers who were out on a case at the moment, so it was quiet but peaceful for a minute. You hung up the coat where your blazer had been and put the files away, which was only halted when you took note of the pictures that had hung on the bulletin on your desk. 

Two little girls, one younger than the other and marshmallows on fire, on sticks, in front of a campfire, labeled first camping trip, 1994. Lucy was only eight and the next day you would wake up and she wasn’t sleeping next to you like she should have been. 

You put the files down quickly and whisked yourself to the locker room, running literally into Loki as you went and he put his arms on your shoulders to stop you but you backed yourself out of his grasp and into the room. The locker room was barely what it was supposed to be. There were two showers, with two toilets separate from the rest of the room which just held lockers with everyone’s last names on it. You went to your locker, took out your bag which was one you were able to keep a change of clothes, extra shoes, a few snacks in and your purse, so, it was about the size of a backpack. You grabbed the keys out of the bag and slung it over your shoulders, slamming the locker door shut and went back out into the office. Loki wasn’t at his desk at the moment so you assumed he was with O’Malley, luckily enough for you, you wouldn’t have to explain to him why you were leaving early, but he more than likely already understood why.

I went home. I just need some time. That was all you wrote on the sticky note you left on his keyboard. 

Pulling into your driveway, your phone buzzed twice. Loki had read your note and said he would be over later, needing to follow up with registered sex offenders before he could leave for the night. So, you waited. 

You didn’t know how long you were asleep but your doorbell sounded and you quickly woke and sat up from the couch, your neck strained and pained as you caught your breath. You rushed over to the door, seemingly forgot that Loki was supposed to have come over, worried that something might have gone wrong while you were asleep. You cracked open the door, a sound that resonated as a rubber peeling off something occurred when you opened the door, the cold rushing in and hitting your skin like icicles. Loki, with his hands in his big jacket pockets and his winter hat on stood there, bags ever present under his eyes. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure how long that would take.” He said as you let him inside. He took off his coat and hung it over one of the chairs of your dining room table, as it he did every time. You shut the door behind you and waited until he was done so you could lead the way into your home, even though he knew what rooms where were. You flicked on the light switch in the living room, folding up the blanket you were using so he could sit down too. 

“I didn’t know you were sleeping; I could have come another time.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face as he sat down, blinking hard, nervously. 

“It’s fine. I don’t remember falling asleep.” You tell him and then the awkwardness of the conversation settles, the air thick and unwanted as the concept of love and the two of you hangs over your heads. You weren’t afraid of the conversation, neither was he but it still was something you dreaded and inside you knew that this could go one of two ways. 

“So...” Loki trailed off and looked down at his feet as he leaned forward in the spot he was sitting in. He folded his hands in front of him and you leaned against the back of the couch, your arm resting on the top of it and your head rested against it, your feet covered by the blanket and curled up against you. 

“Are you not even going to look at me?” You ask him and he does, his face worn and tired, it had been a long day after all. 

“What do you want me to say, Y/n? I don’t want to fight about this... we don’t need to make it a fight.” He explained and you agreed, sure. But everything that was good for you ended in a fight and to be completely honest, you didn’t know how to handle situations like this unless it ended in a fight. Loki was different though. It could have been because he was your partner and had seen every side of you, he knew you better than anyone in the world and that was different for you, no one else knew anything. 

The feeling when he looked into your eyes overwhelmed you. It was more than likely a mix of remembering Lucy, the strain of her disappearance, and your complicated feelings for the man sitting next to you. Tears welling inside your eyes and you looked away from him, embarrassed by your emotions, and he moved closer to you, rubbing his hand comforting on your back and resting the other on your folded legs. 

“Baby, baby... it’s alright...” He whispered quietly as he let you cry into him. 

Loki’s childhood was rough to say the least, he knew things that would come up in a case would affect him badly but he shoved it down, as he was taught to do as he lived in boys homes his entire life. Hell, the reason he didn’t like anyone using his first name was because it was the name the people who left him gave him and nothing good ever came from them. He watched as you welcomed his touch, the feeling warm and comforting inside of him and sad at the same time. 

“I’m-I’m sorry. God, I’m just a whole mess, aren’t I?” You tried to laugh and break the tension but it didn’t exactly work. 

“We’re all a mess right now. It’s okay.” He reassured you and continued to rub your back. You wiped under your eyes, brushing the tears away. 

“I like you.” You whispered to him and he pushed the stray hairs out of your face, watching your eyes, then your lips, then your eyes again. 

“I’ve liked you for a long time and I-I know I really shouldn’t but you’re the only thing that has been good in a really, really long time.” 

Loki smiled lightly and almost blushed, he was enamored by you and he wasn’t sure if he had ever felt that way about anyone before. Sure, there had been other women in his life, for the short term and long, but none of them made him feel the way you made him feel. He was never too good with words. During his life, especially with the priests and the church members, he was always expected to be quiet, still and quiet and never talk about the things he experienced or felt, other than his occasional sin of course. So, instead of saying anything he kissed you softly, making sure that what he was doing was ok for you. 

You responded faster than he thought you would, your hand coming to rest upon his as he moved his hand from your back to your neck, deepening the kiss and moved his other hand to grasp your waist. You wrapped your arms around him, bringing him closer to you and after a few moments he broke the kiss. His shirt was wrinkled and his cheeks were red, but his eyes were on you, that look was for you. 

“I...” He trailed off and you got an itch for what he was going to say, only because you knew him well and he didn’t want to do anything you might not want because of the day both of you had. 

“It’s okay... come on.” You escaped his grasp and tossed the blanket on the couch, extending you hand to him as he sat. 

“Let’s go to bed, we’ll have a long day tomorrow too.” He took your hand and brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it before pulling you back to him and planting one on your forehead also. 

Tomorrow was nothing like you expected it to be. 

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[zendaycoolman]

romantic getaway  ( zoah )

sumary: after asking her to be her girlfriend, zendaya and noah ( @ncahcentinechq​ ) take a weekend out in a mountain / beach setting. this is a collectiong of small paras from that trip. triggers: fluffy, smuttish, angst, cursing, relationship starting at its best dudes when: somewhat a month ago.

DAY 01, the bathtub scene

ZENDAYA: "i'm sorry that i slept the most of the way here", zendaya said, after the both of them settled down the things they brought - suitcases, food, utensils and other supplies. she was hopping that he would erase from his mind the image of her snoring lightly clinging to the script for the second episode of euphoria. "i promise i won't keep you awake at night", with that powernap she knew she wouldn't be sleeping that much at night and was aware that noah loved his sleep. outside, it was close to nightfall, but they were both a bit sweaty from the heat and the effort they put on putting the rented cabin-house in order. reaching for a towel to clean her face, z offered another one to her boyfriend. "how about we break out the tub?", she asked, pointing the hotub outside of the glass walls. in the end she didn't wait long for an answer and took off her shirt, revealing her lacy brown bra as she walked towards the door.

NOAH: "You have the cutest little snor I've ever hear" Noah replied with a smile as they both got to settle everything they bought for their long weekend away from reality. It was a much anticipated weekend for Noah, and something he was really in need of, to have her just to himself. "Now that's a promise I want to see being broken" he was an early riser when it comes to the day to day life, and that wouldn't apply to their getaway, the last thing he is worried is with keeping up a schedule. They would eat when they are hungry, and sleep when tired. Uncomplicated. Everything was perfect about the place she choose for them. He was in love with every little details, and his mind was already running wild on how much they could do. At her offer, his brow was quick to raise, as he watched her taking off her shirt. "That plan sounds and looks amazing" Noah declared, taking off his own shirt and going after the brunette, biting down on his lower lip taking a good look at his girlfriend before catching up to her and grabbing her by the waist, pulling her back against his naked torso, planting a kiss on her naked shoulder.

ZENDAYA: kicking off her shorts as she walked, z wasn't surprised when noah pulled her close. she was hopping for it, that this would be how everything is this weekend worked: just them, connected, not thinking about work or anything else but them. zendaya wasn't the most romantic person she knew, but she did had a few things planned. "can i tell you a secret?", she asked, supporting her weight on him when putting her foot inside the warm watter. "i almost didn't booked this place over this tub. whenever i see it i just remember of peter and lara jean making out - then i realized", she was fully inside the water now so she pulled him close too. "that i have noah. which is way better", she wasn't sure about sharing that detail with him, but figured it was a way to show him that she was thinking about him. "but we can't do the make out part tho. we are enemies now, i'm sorry", she shrugged, pulling away from him, splashing some water in his direction.

NOAH: "You can tell me anything" Noah declaree wholeheartedly, feeling a peace of mind that he haven't been able to experience in a long time, now that he thinks about it. He aided her getting into the tub and didnt took long to join her "Oh god no" Noah complained, looking up and a sign of defeat. "I am way better then Kavinsky, and Lara Jean got nothing on you" he then declared, wanting to hold her close, as she pulled away from him, and instant pout formed in his features. "Whyyyyy?" he complained in this baby voice he knows he had a tendency to pull for some reason in the most random occasions. "Let me love you woman" Noah added playfully in tone, but meaning every word, as he splashed her back.

ZENDAYA: "you're noey, way better than peter", nodding in agreement, she got close enough to touch his chest. "DC", she then touched herself on the chest "Marvel", that was probably enough of an explanation for him. "congrats on the role babe", getting closer to him, she put both of her hands on his neck, feeling her body getting used to temperature completly. "actually congrats on everything you have been doing. working, getting new roles, but also for everything happening with favored nations, for being caring, for being patient and most importantly - for rooting for the warriors", and with that, she kissed him for a few seconds. "i guess i'm saying that i'm falling for you noah. i just wanted you to know that", her fingers pressed his skin, trying to show him one more time that she was there.

NOAH: "Thank you, I mean, he's a good guy and all, but I needed to hear that " he grinned at her. "Oh wow" Noah exclaimed, only now getting the enemies reference, as he welcomed her into his arms. "Please, that's literally nothing compared, my girlfriend is a freaking Emmy nominee  and I couldn't be more proud." when he first saw the news he started shouting and clapping in the middle of the meeting, getting everyone looking at him as if he went mental, but he couldn't care less. She deserved all the hype she was getting, and he couldn't be more happy for her. At this point it was so damn easy to get lost in the taste of her lips, and how perfectly they were fitting together. "I've fallen for you a long time ago, actually, I'm pretty sure I've fallen for you back  in that basketball court, and I can't believe I got this lucky" he declared back, gazing deep into her dark eyes, his fingers brushing small locks of her hair away from her face.

ZENDAYA: "can you believe it noah? I FUCKING DID IT!", the last part was a bit shouted and right now she was happy they were both in the middle of the woods, so no one but noah would actually hear it. zendaya nodded at him, agreeing. "if you think about it, it's kinda weird that from all places, that's where i take you? that basketball court is my sanctuary. i guess i was just waiting for you to come along", all these thoughts were running in her head for a while now and she was glad that there was space where she could say it without being silly. "just don't go anywhere any soon ok?", and after that she leaned for a kiss, a proper one, sucking his lips into hers, trying to make more obvious that she wanted to have him close.

NOAH: "I can believe it because you are that damn talented. You fucking did it!" Noah exclaimed, sharing the same excitement for her achievement, he was really proud of her. "It was meant to be." the brightest smile was now plastered in his face "I will be forever grateful that you allowed me into that court" he added, planting another kiss into the girls month. "I won't, you don't go anywhere either" he pleaded back, before getting lost into her kiss, eager for her taste under his tongue, officially entering paradise.

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DAY 01, serial dater, serial worrier

ZEN: "hey babe?", zendaya asked after almost thirty minutes of silence. they were in the backyard, laying down in front of a fire, surrounded by pillows and duvets. it was the end of the day one, after a big dinner and if they kept quiet they would probably sleep there. it was clear that zendaya had something else in mind, tho. "i have a necessary question", she started, reaching for his right hand. the girl was laying on his chest and was kind of glad that she wasn't seeing his face right now. "alex ren. you broke up with her in april right?", the question was sharp, but her voice was soft, having the sound of the campfire in front of them rattling in the background.6 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: "Hum?" Noah hummed as a reply, as he would find himself thinking in anything in particular, enjoying the peaceful evening the both were sharing by the fire. His hands were easily distracted by her hair, he didnt seemed to have enough of it. "A necessary question, alright" Noah gave a little nod. The question caught him off guard, at least at this particular time being. He was ready to have to discuss his past relationship, it was only normal if they were both starting one themselves. "The news of the break up can out late March, we have been drifting apart since the beginning of the year though. We came to terms with it by February." as he was speaking he was putting the timeline together in his mind. Gazing down at Zendaya he brushed her hair behind her ear for the trillion time that day. "What else do you wanna know?" he asked, willing to tell her whatever she might wanted to know.

ZEN: part of her wasn't expecting a honest answer or actually a answer at all. noah wasn't a ordinary boy, drowned in the dynamics that are expected of a male in society, but she was still surprised. raising her hand, she covered the moonlight on her face, trying to figured out what's the next question would be. "that's a few months before we met", she started. "which makes me wonder - am i the rebound? someone to help you get over her? that's okay if it's the case, i just wanna know", zendaya shrugged a little, still facing the sky while laying on his chest. none of them were capable to see each other faces right now and maybe it was for the best. "i'm not mad really, i just wanna know".

NOAH: As Noah realized where she was going with the conversation, despite being a valid doubt, it still hurted him a little. Love is a weird thing, and Noah as this way of living where he jumps right in at every circunstance that life presents him with. His past relations with Alex Ren is one of those circunstances, but as time goes by, there wasn't a real connection, not as lovers nor as companions. It took then a while to figure out that they are better off as friends other then pushing into something that wasn't meant to be. Zendaya on the other hand, he has noticed, is more of the type to think things through, and mesure her steps carefully, so he knew she had to ask him this things. "I see... the shortest way to reply you is that I was over her even before you and I met for that basketball game. So you are by no means a rebound. By the end of 2019 we both started to realize that the whole thing was a mistake. So the break-up was sort of a natural thing and drama free between the both of us until we made it official since we made it public and all." Noah did his best to explain, since he really wanted to make her understand his true intentions and where he is coming from. Specially when he has this gut feeling that... she's the one. Adjusting a little bit his body so he would he more into a seating position rather then laying, he then reached down to place an upside down kiss on her forehead since she ended up still laying on his lap. "There's no one quite like you, and dont you ever think that this that we have going on is anything less valued just because we recently got out of other relationship, something's we cant explain, you just feel." he whispered, gazing at her eyes even with their faces being in different directions  and he planted a kiss on her nose. At this point Noah was pretty sure to be in Love with the girl. But the last thing he wanted was to drop the Love bomb right when they are discussing an ex relationship.

ZEN there wasn't many people zendaya talked about feelings. dylan knew what was happening but she tried to downplay as much as possible, so he wouldn't know how lost she was into the questions she had in storage for noah. and lin did told her that she should just straigh up ask anything she wanted to clear, so for him it was more about the relationship itself and not the feelings behind. "right", stopping touching his hand, she scratched the space between her eyes, as if she was processing his words. she was taken by surprise again, now with the forehead kiss. "still, she wasn't the only one. according to the internet and your instagram actually, that's something that has hapenned before. dating someone for a year, then a few months single, then another year dating...", she wasn't ashamed to put out there that she was researching about his past relationships before even asking to him. in her mind she was about to step into a really big commitment, so she needed to know more about it. "i'm not judging. you do you and it's refreshing to know that you go for it. and on my book, it's kinda good - the idea of having an expiration date", in her head, zendaya was being understanding, trying to bind her idea of a relationship to fit noah's ways. and that, to her, was the ultimate proof that she was into him. "there's a lot of people like me", she smiled to show that this was a joke, but his next words made her fell into deep silence, looking at his face after the kiss. she had to take a breath to focus again. her heart wanted to let this conversation go and get back into comfortable silence by the fire, but her brain was too organized to do that. he made her want to be more confident on them and less of a brainer, but what if this was a mistake? "not that feeling anything will actually do us any good", she finally said out loud, her words sounded a bit bitter.7 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: Putting things like that Zendaya didn't really knew how that was something that actually bothered Noah, in all his moments of introspection he wonders what is wrong with him for not being able to keep a long term relationship, and connect at all levels he is so eager to reach, till this day he is still to find out. He stopped the small touches for a moment, picking the right way to reply to her. "The history is there, and I can't run away from the fact that it does look like a patern. Is not something that I'm particularly proud of. I actually wonder-" he stopped himself for a moment, trying to find the right way to put it. "I dont know... maybe I'm the issue you know?" he ended up adding with a sigh. At her next words his heart sank, and a frown took him. "Expiration date?! What the-" he refrained from cursing, but that one caught him out of guard and it made him upset that she found the idea of having an expiration date was a good thing. He slightly shook his head, "That's not how I look into things. And it hurts me when you put it like that... why would an expiration date be a good thing?" as their conversation went on, an unsettling feeling started taking over Noah. He was already way too deep into feelings for her to be saying stuff like that. "What does that even mean?! I'm not following. For you what is even the point of all this then?" as he question he gestured a circle around the two of them as he said 'all of this'.

ZEN: blinking her eyes pretty fast, she took a minute to appreaciate the fact that noah was being honest and putting himself as a possible part of the problem. people often dodged their responsabilities, specially men towards relationships. she could work with someone that was capable to admit mistakes. before z could articulate any further, the mood picked up and now noah was voicing that his feelings were hurt. scrathing her eyebrow, zendaya sat down, knowing that he should able to properly see her eyes for this part. "it wasn't my intention to hurt you, but you have to understand that i have to prepare myself for this", taking a breath, zendaya felt corned now, having to explain how her mind works. it was a constant feeling towards any significant others, having to adjust herself to them. "unlike you noah, i don't put my heart on the line when i feel there's a possibility. you're my second actual relationship, and i had a hiatus of seven years between. i don't do stuff that there's a possibility to end, i'm always in for the win, for the long run, if it's up to me i am not going anywhere", it was clear she was growing unhappy about this situation. this was why she didn't date, cause no one had to understand how she sees the world. "so when i see that you broke up all these relationships it scares the hell of me. make me feel not important, makes me feel like just another one on the list. or worst - that this is not real", taking a breath and looking down, she noticed that she was sitting in lotus position by his side this whole time. "and at the same time i like you way to much to walk away so yes, i have to find having a expiration date a good thing"., suddenly this felt like a weird pivot moment. make it or break it momentum. "it means that not even love can garantee that this will work. ren gave a interview saying that you were the love of her life. two months later you guys ended it.", she shrugged, sure that this was the worst outcome ever.9 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: "Prepare for what exactly Zendaya?" Noah asked, gesturing with is hands. This was important, he knew it was, speaking about the fears that come with giving yourself into someone else, someone new, but it was still hard and complicated to voice his mind and trying not to be too harsh, they had very different ways to see life, and that he knew. " I'm sorry Z, but relationships don't come with instructions, and not one is like the other, ever. You can't bring my past experiences or your past experiences into our relationship, we need to build our own, learn from our past obviously, but not let it define our future." he added, before growing silent again to listen to what she had to say. He was starting to get so confused by her words, but still trying to do his best to understand where she was coming from. He didn't knew she was that long before letting herself into a relationship. So he noticed some big scars there. " I don't know any other way to do this then to put my heart on the line." he declared, in between her speaking. " Who said I broke up all this relationships? And if all this broke ups mean anything is that neither of them were the right one for me, then maybe you are. Fucking god, how I wish that you are! How you can you be afraid that this might not be real? Have I ever didn't seemed present and open to give myself to you? Because that's all I've been trying to do." Noah was trying to make sense in his words, but wasn't too sure if he was being sucessful. " Z, how many times did you expressed your true feelings in a interview? Are you really bringing something my ex said in a interview?" at his point Noah couldn't help a stern expression on his face. " Listen, I can't promisse you that we will forever be together, no matter I wanted to be able to hold such promise. We never know what life throws our way. I do know is that my feelings for you are real, and can't imagine my life with you anymore"

ZEN: tilting her head to hear him out, zendaya was dangling between amazed  and concerned by his replies. they were so different, that was clear from the start and she was hopping it meant that they would complete each other, not colide. she also knew that this was on her too, so if she wanted it to work, she had some work on herself to do too. z felt like noah had understood her and now it was her turn to do so."ok. you're right. no expiration date, no promisses, no fears. just us being us.", zendaya finally said, nodding her head. this felt like the second part of the agreement that they did last week when he asked her to be her girlfriend. now this was a real relationship. "if it matters, i want you to be the right one too", getting closer, she slowly crumbled into his chest, asking to be hugged. "just don't let me go".

NOAH: Noah let out a breath he didn't really knew he was holding as she agreed to give them a fair shot really. "It matters a whole lot" Noah whispered, welcoming her back into his embrace, wanting nothing more then to keep her close to him forever. Thankfull to have long arms that were able to properly hug her into him, and still wishing to have some more so he could hold her even more tight. "I won't" he stated, placing a long kiss on the top of her head. "But babe?"

ZEN: "yeah?", she asked, her voice low, as is she was too scared to keep talking and by that make another mistake, or take a turn that would drag into that discussion again. she just wanted to be there, quiet and loved.

NOAH: "Forgive me but I really need to pee..." he finally said, chuckling, kissing her once in the month before standing up. "Start thinking on what you want me to make for dinner, I'm gona be right back" he added, slowly getting up to go to the bathroom.

............................................................ [ 𝕖𝕟𝕕 ]

DAY 02, the first time

ZEN: "so, i was doing some reading", the woman was standing next to top the stairs that led to the only bedroom at the house. noah had just left the shower after they spent the afternoon sunbathing outside. "...on how to garantee that the first time with someone new is perfect", taking a step on his direction he could see now that she had a satin robe on. "they say: lingerie, protection, don't worry about appearance...", as she spoke, she undid the robe, showing her lacy black underwear. "...and don't put pressure on orgasming", she stopped midway on his direction, smiling. "so i have it all covered. IF you wanna do somethinng", she was nervous, it showed, but also there was a hint of possessiveness that he knew by now.

NOAH: With only a towel losely around his waist and casually brushing his hair off with another, Noah raised an eyebrow at the sight that was Zenday before him in her silky robe. He didnt interrupted her line of thought, just dropping the towel he had on his hand, having a feeling he would prefer to have them both free. "What else?" he questioned, even knowing that she would keep going. He did his best not to let his jaw hit the floor when she undid her robe showing off to him her perfect figure in a black lingerie, bitting down on his lower lip, Noah kept closing the distance between the two eager to reach her. "That sounds easy enough... IF YOU wanna do something" two could play this game, and for sure Noah would want to have fun with it, as he stopped right in front of her, brushing her shoulder ever so slightly with the back of two fingers, licking his lips, as he gazed into her eyes, their noses brushing together from their closeness.

ZEN: it was clear that she had thought about this several times. from the conversations where she looked at his lips instead of focusing on the content, or the making out sessions that stopped repeatedly, this moment was highly anticipated. "i came prepared. i ALSO have a poem", raising an eyebrow at him, she was challenging him with his very own weapons. he asked her to be his girlfriend with a poem. she would ask him for this with that too. zendaya then threw the robe on the floor, taking his hands into hers. "let me live or live in me. let me go home or make me your home ...", she whispered at first, giving his small kisses through the process. "get inside me, more than you get in clubs", she placed both of his hands on her ass, teasing him with a smirk after. "break my bed, not my heart ... make me wet, not wip", slowly, she pulls his towel away, dropping it on the floor. "because paradise it's reached when we're on our knees ... but not on a prayer", finally, she pushed him to bed and now she was the one licking her lips, watching the image of her completly naked boyfriend on the light of dusk. "fuck, you're so fucking beutiful", she broke character touching his knees with hers before slowly joining him on bed, climbing on top of his body as her lips went for the most desperate kiss they ever had.

NOAH: "I can see that you did" Noah smiled at her, but was surprised when she said she had a poem, using his own moves against him, he was noticing. He let himself being led by his girlfriend, and as she start on the poem, Noah was done, completely surrending himself to her, every word sending small shivers down his spine, every kiss lightning something inside of him, with his hands placed over her ass Noah didn't think twice before feeling her in his hands, holding her close to him, and even before she pulled his towel from his body he was already naked before her, his lust clear in his eyes, mixed with so much admiration for how she started this moment for the both of them. Letting himself fall in the bed, Noah let out a small chuckle, amazed how she took charge of everything, and was pretty much doing everything he wished he did. But then it wouldn't have been this perfect. "Come here already, and let me make you wet, and never, ever, wip" he reached for her hand and pulled her in, their lips smashing together eager for each other, like never before.

............................................................ [ 𝕖𝕟𝕕 ]

DAY 03, the basics

ZEN: the past few days they feel qucikly into a routine. waking up, eating brunch, then either going to the beach or he convinced her to walk around the woods. at the afternoon they would eat together, watch something, play some game, just enjoying each other until at some point they ended having sex wherever they were at the house. this was the last day and they would be leaving after lunch, so she decided to let noah in bed and make him breakfast. once zendaya managed to get the tray while going upstairs, she smiled at him. "hey noey, morning", she said, putting the breakfast next to him in bed, before giving him a small kiss. "you can eat while i start organinzing shit. you probably tired from last night. sorry not sorry", she shrugged, remembering that they went two rounds more than normal in the past day.

NOAH: Noah was an early riser, but not today apparently. Probably because he knew it was their last day in heaven, and he really wasn't that hyper about getting back to reality. "Morning babe" he mumbled, brushing his eyes with his hands trying to keep them open, before yanning whilst opening his arms wide open. "Not so fast!" Noah held her back as she was getting ready to go on with her plan on packing. "what if you are what I really want for breakfast?" he teased, just wanting to hold her there a little bit longer next to her. "have you eaten already?" he wondered still hugging her down into the bed, he was really just trapping her there, with his arms holding her upper body and one leg over her own legs, as he made her lay there. "I don't wanna go" he declared, and you could listen the pout he was wearing in his voice.

ZEN: to hear him talking like that,  hoarse voice in the morning, calling for her, all of that was something the zendaya was starting to wish it was all her mornings from now on. but of course, noah wasn't just going to say, he was going to demonstrate, and all she managed to do before he took her was to get the glass of juice out of bed, so it wouldn't spill. "is that a promise?" she teased back. "not really, focused on doing something for you and forgot" she answered honestly, blowing some of her hair out of her face as she adjusted herself in position. "i don't wanna go either...", that was the kind of thing she would never allow herself to say before, to stimulate a fantasy that would never come true. but this trip proved to her that she could live in a made up world as long noah was holding her. "baaaaabe", now able to see the neck up close, her voice cracked. releasing one hand from the boy's embrace, she touched his skin, now with purple and red tones. "im so so so sorry", she bit her lower lip, already thinking about the shade of foundation she would use to cover it. "i'll get something to cover that for the trip, don't worry", she assured him, tilting her head to check the extent of the hickey on his neck.

NOAH: it was painful the mere thought of having to actually let her go and get on with the day, so greedy Noah decided to just kept holding her for just a little longer, as his mind started to really wake up. a chuckle vibrated through him at her teasing reply. "It can be"  he whispered against her ear. "let's have breakfast together then, and be lazy for just a couple more hours, and then we both will get everything packed and ready to go" he sugested, wanting to take everything he could out of these amazing days with her away from reality. "What?" he wondered confused, not sure what she was talking about, as she touched his neck he understood, and memories from last night rushed back into his mind, putting a silly grin to his face. "Why would I want to cover it?" he raised an eyebrow at her, before closing the distance between the two into a kiss, so she would stop over analize the love bite she left on his skin.

ZEN: taking a note to hold that promise against him later, she nodded her head in agreement, trying to move. "babes, in order to eat breakfast you have to let me go", she smiled, giving him another kiss on his chin. "so people won't give you a hard time about it", she said simply, looking at him. suddenly, another grin took over her features. "you know what's my favorite part of your body?", her fingers touched his cheeks. "your scar. i love it. even tho it's covered right now", zendaya caressed his unshaved face, finding him more attractive in this look. "speaking of it, we should cover our basics", at this point, she gave up trying to move and just settled under him, kissing his jaw on the process. "favorite movie, type of music, book, color, food, color, tv show.... tell me yours i tell you mine".

NOAH: "Forgot about that small detail" Noah jokingly pouted, before eventually letting her go for eating purposes, smiling as she kissed his chin, quickly closing the distance between them again smashing his lips on hers. "Yeah, I've grown found of it myself" He said, unvoluntarly reaching with his hand to his chin at the same time she carressed him. "Is the unshaved look girlfriend approved or not?" He wondered raising a brow at her. Grabbing the glass of juice to take a good sip at it, Noah nodded at the idea. "We really should. Feels like we skipped a couple of steps there" he chuckled, at the same time he was already thinking about the questions she already throw in there. "Let's see... Favorite movie is too hard, my favorite rom com is Failure to Launch tho, just music, the type of music depends a lot on your mood, I've been listening a lot to Kina, if you don't know of him you should definitely check that out, book, again, there's a lot, like a lot a lot, but I'm gonna say Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. All the food. I can't pick. I don't have a favorite color, TV show, Friends." As he replied he was counting it with his fingers, grinning at the end. "You're up now"

ZEN: "i like it cause it's something that should let you traumatized but it didn't", she smiled, reaching for the chopped fruit, having some watermelon inside her mouth as she was kissed. "girlfriend aproved. makes me tickle. don't let it too big tho, i like your face", as she spoke some of the watermelon juice dripped from her lips, quickly cleaning it with the back of her hand. "babe, everyone knows you love kina. you hum it everytime", she laughed, zendaya herself had listen to it in her alone times because of him. "ok - movie is harry potter, i'm into oldie stuff like ray charles. aside of that anything R&B, book... i read a lot about business and biographies. i loved nelson's one. burritos, pizza and ice cream. i know imma die because of it. favorite color is pink, tv show would be handsmade tale", she tried to speak all of that in one breath as if it was a contest, laughing. "ok, next round - give me all the family names", she rose her hand too. "also, one thing that makes you happy, one thing that makes you mad, one thing that makes you sad and one thing that makes you horny", wiggling her eyebrows, she smiled and offered to feed him some grapes.

NOAH: "Oh poor dog got more traumatized then I did" he commented, stuffing some fruit into his month after tasting the watermellon from her month. "I'll see so it won't get too big" he said in tone of promise. "Oh, well it's really good" he chuckled. "Okay, I'm taking notes here. Harry Potter and Ice Cream in emergency situations. Got it. Mandela you mean?" he questioned to be sure concerning the book. "I'm the son of Kellee and Gregory, divorced by the way. And the younger brother of Taylor" he quickly replied. "You have quite the big family, which I find it so excited, but I'm afraid if you start naming them all I will forget a bunch. I just ask you to forgive me for it in advance" he pleaded with a small chuckle. "Meditation, is one thing that makes me happy. Mad? Fake people. Sad, well I get sad over the silliest things, like a song. Not having my girlfriend in arms reach for over a month! stuff like that. There's this black woman recently in my life, she pretty much holds that power, it's not really a thing that will get me going, if you know what I mean" as he said his last words he raised and lowered his eyebrows a couple of times. "What does makes you happy Zendaya Coleman. And everything else."

ZEN: "yeah, but we can't watch it together. dylan would kill me", she pointed that out with a face, nodding to the sides. "but if you show up with ice cream at my door i'll do pretty much anything you ask. and yes, mandela! his life is so inspiring", as he spoke she made a effort not to reach for a notebook to note it down, figuring that it would kill the moment. when he mentioned being sad for not seeing her for a month, she pulled his face and gave him a lil peck. she was specially proud that he acknowledged that she was a black woman in his answer. "my parents, also divorced are claire stoermer and kazembe coleman. kazaa for friends. don't worry, no one can actually remember all my siblings names, but it's katianna, annabella, austin, kaylee and julien", starting to smash a piece of bread, she nodded at him. "ice cream makes me happy, mad would be not being able to succeed in something that i invested time... i get sad over christmas songs for some reason and neck kisses gets me going. if you want to tone me down, touching my earlobe makes me sleepy", shrugging, she smiled. they were nearly done with breakfast, so she looked up at him. "ok, final question: what is your goal in life?", her voice was calm, looking at his eyes as she made the question.

NOAH: "Dylan would kill you? Why am I feeling jealous over harry potter right now?" noah frowned slightly, chuckling. "Ice cream, the key to your heart. Noted. I haven't read it yet, maybe you could lend me the book someday. But for what I know he had an incredible life experience." Noah commented, reaching for a couple of more fruit pieces, and orange juice. As she started to go on and reply to her own questions, Noah just listen, and rejoiced on the fact that she was sharing all this litle things with him, it might seem small, but it holds a great meaning when you are starting to get to know someone. With a small chuckling as she shared the earlobe fact, noah grinned at her. "That's something I will keep in mind" he smiled. "Oh, that's a loaded one." he had to take a moment to think about it. "I think the answer would be... just to be, really. You know? To be present in every thing you do. To be a good friend, to be a good son, a good brother. A good partner. At every step of the way, I just want to give my all in what I do, and have faith that will bring me happiness, and fullfillment. I don't have this specific thing. Of course I want to be sucessful profissionaly, but it's really not everything for me." This was the mess that was Noah's head right there, raw and without making much sense, but it was him, and he was willing to show her just that: him. "What's yours?"

ZEN: "don't even start babe, that's one you won't win", she replied with a mockery smile. as noah spoke back, zendaya quickly picked up the tray and it's belonging so clear the bed. she then sat on her legs, watching her boyfriend talk about his goal. at end, she had a huge smile on her face. "to be happy. i mean, i have loads of professional goals and shit, but i just want to brave enoug to be happy. give up when needed, walk away from people, all the hard decisions you have to make in order to make me and my loved ones happy", shrugging a bit, she was glad that they did this, sharing small things made her feel closer to him. "thanks for sharing noey. it's important to me", zendaya smiled at him again, but soon, snapped out of her silly face "okay, now, i do have a short term goal", benting her body to his direcion and gave him a long peck on the lips, then dragged her lips on his jaw line. "making my boyfriend cum", sharing a smirk, z pushed the sheets out of the bed with her feet to have more acess to him. the energy shifted, and he could see she was in a mission herself.

............................................................ [ 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ]

[mikeshanlon]

Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s  like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)