#alas. my little wizard looks good

[soloavengers]

that’s one out of ninety nine art of metamorphosis down. no i can happily take pictures of him

[hereforthehitsbaby]

prompt 16 with Logan on the fluff list! thinking that their messing around and reader accidentally confesses and it’s a toooootal love bomb after that

Confession | DP&W!Logan Howlett x F!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2.7k…did I get carried away? Yes.

Author’s Note: Okay but why am I sobbing at my own writing? This request was so cute, thank you for this nonie!

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“Wade when I said we should watch The Wizard of Oz, I didn’t mean that you need to dress up as Dorothy and act out the entire movie!” You exclaimed in the living room, trying your hardest to suppress a laugh as Wade twirls in front of the couch. The blue and white checkered dress swirled in the air as he spun, arms wide out as he threw his head back. In the background, droning on was “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” to which Wade decided it was the perfect time to lip sync. Days like this are what you cherished most, especially when things were a bit shit all around. The world wasn’t as safe as it used to be, but in this little apartment – it was comfort. Solace, everything you all needed to wait out the storm down below.

“You may not have wanted that, but they did.” Wade lets out nonchalantly, whispering the last part at the brick wall, causing you to look around him. Every so often he would stare off into a hidden camera, like it was The Office, speaking to the “audience” about what was going on. At first it was funny, charming even – but when it got to be quips about you, it was almost instinctive how you needed to roll your eyes. Now? It was just another thing about Wade you admired, how he could keep himself entertained like this and forget how things were outside, there was no judgement but pure love and laughter. Shaking your head with a smile, you sigh out as you stand from the couch, stretching your back. “Whatever you say, Wade.” As you felt your tailbone crack, you smiled softly at the release. It felt nice to get up and walk, to stretch out a bit before engaging more with Wade’s antics of today. It was endearing to see him doing this – you knew everything was getting to him as well, and you both needed a good laugh. What you silently hoped for though, was for Logan to join the two of you.

It was obvious your feelings for him, Wade called that out the second you both first met. The way your eyes went from thin slits of weariness to full blown hearts was enough to make his head spin – Logan on the other hand seemed to have no effect. But that’s what he wanted you to think. It had been months since your apartment flooded, causing you to move two floors up with Wade, Logan, Laura and Al. But it had been the best months of your life, creating new friendships and hoping to blossom out of the awkward phase with Logan. A stoic, quiet man who truly needed this – needed a friend – needed to know he was loved. You wanted to help him with that, if only you could get over this little hump of self-doubt. It was a silent battle you faced internally; Rejection scared you and hurt more than anything else – but you’d respect the decision if it happened. The struggle was the worst part of it, how it ate you alive. Wade would always try to help quell it but alas, your mind could be very fickle.

As you made your way into the kitchen, you rounded the counter, back facing towards the living room as you hummed along with the song. Lost in your own little world, you didn’t notice when the bedroom door to the left started to slowly open, your head down to face the coffee maker as you stuck your mug underneath, using the hot water for your tea. It wasn’t until you saw something sparkling out of the corner of your eye that it caught your attention. You knew Mary Puppins had a flashy little get up, since Wade spent four days bedazzling her suit, but then you remembered Laura had taken her out for a walk a few minutes prior. Cocking your brow, you turn slowly to see what that shine is – not expecting to see what you did. “Holy shit,” you mumble out, your eyes shooting wide open. There was no proper way to react except shocked, your body freezing at the sight.

Logan was home after all, hiding away in his room. But what you didn’t realize was that Wade had gotten him to dress up for the movie. Standing there in his gray and black flannel, gray sweatpants, and white socks was your Logan – face covered in silver face paint, sparkling against the orange hued lighting of the kitchen. You stopped to stare at him, admiration making your heart grow as Wade let out a dramatic gasp, his hands coming up to cover his mouth. “Robocop has arrived!” Wade cheered, hoping over the back of the couch and standing on the opposite side of the kitchen. At the comment, Logan growled in Wade’s direction, sending him straight daggers. “Don’t give me that look, Pookie. You know what you signed up for.”

Logan could help but groan as his gaze shifted back towards you; The silvery color making his eyes glow brighter than usual. A soft green, like a meadow on a cloudy day always stared back at you. But today, it was Emerald City. The glints of golden flecks and little silvery tendrils drifted through his irises, causing your heart to race. You didn’t mean to gaze so deeply into his eyes, finding your own eyes losing focus the further you delved in. You couldn’t tell but Logan’s heart was racing a mile a minute under his shirt, his claws quivering inside his hand. “You’re taking shine bright like a diamond to a whole new level, Lo.” You let a bright smile cascade over your lips as you looked up at him, tilting your head to the side to admire his application skills. Under all the silver you could see a gentle pink blush creeping up his neck, fanning over the little exposed patch of skin beneath his flannel. It wasn’t everyday that Logan blushed – but with you, he couldn’t stop. Even at your teasing, he was a mess.

“His idea.” Logan snickered as he pointed to Wade. “Dipshit told me we were all dressing up as characters.” Of course he did, because that is just how Wade is. He always says one thing, then never tells anyone else. In a way you knew he said it for you, knowing this was your favorite movie and all. To have Logan dress up like the tinman was all for you. A simple admission you made not too long ago about how he was your childhood crush; Convincing Logan to dress up as him only seemed right. Wade could tell you both were mutually pining over one another, and he was tired of the will they won’t they. All he knew was that he wanted his two best friends to be together, to be happy; He knew you’d be good for one another. Wade blew Logan a kiss as he spun in his dress, twirling his way through the kitchen and living room.

“Wade you dirty dog.” You laugh as you roll your eyes, shifting your focus back to your now freshly brewed tea. Taking the mug away from the coffee machine, you bit your bottom lip as you giggled, nudging Logan with your shoulder. “When we need a disco ball for Al’s 70th birthday, we will just strap you to the ceiling and spin you.” You winked in his direction as you slightly raised a brow, indicating that you were joking, but also being a tease. Logan liked when you did that, finding it invigorating how his heart would pound out of his chest. A hearty, sincere laugh slipped from his silvery lips as he narrowed his gaze. Leaning against the countertop, Logan crossed his arms over his eyes, his lips turning up into a challenging smirk. “Oh yeah? You think so, beautiful?” He let out without question, tilting his head to the side as he eyed you up and down. He could hear, smell, how hard your heart was racing as he leaned closer, how your palms grew clammy, how your body shivered under his gaze. There was something so primal clawing its way beneath his skin; He wanted all of you, to be the only one to make you feel this way. “I know so!” You shot back without hesitation, trying to keep your cool.

Logan thought it was cute, how hard you were trying to fight yourself off. Trying so hard not to spill the beans or say what was on your mind. It was a game of hardball, and Logan was going to come out on top like always. Huffing with amusement, he placed his hand softly on your shoulder, letting his wade palm graze down your arm, fingers drifting over the expanse of your wrist. Leaning closer to you, only a hairsbreadth away, Logan whispered as he held your hand lovingly. “Well what if I…”  You were so entranced with how he was coming onto you, months of tension finally reaching its peak as the knife cut through it, releasing that hold on you. Closing your eyes as you prepped yourself for what he was about to do next, you pursed your lips instinctively, waiting to feel him on you. Alas, that never came.

In a singular second, Logan roughly pulled you close to him as he rubbed his face all over yours. The burn of his beard across your cheeks made you yelp out, the slippery feel of the face paint flowing over your skin made you laugh. A fit of giggles and playful pushing ignited the room, filtering out the sound of Mary Puppins and Laura coming back from their walk. You couldn’t breathe from how hard you were laughing, trying to muster up the energy to speak as Logan held you close to him. Though you felt his touch burning through your clothes, not one of a friendly nature but one of pure passion. The way he gripped your hip with one hand, and the side of your neck with the other. The way his face slid over yours, it was pure love. Your mind was reeling with endless thoughts of what it would be like to be in love with Logan, never realizing how you spoke aloud. “Ohmygod, I’m in love with an adult man-child.” The words fell out before you had anytime to think about it, not realizing what you had said as you fought yourself through the giggle fit. You didn’t realize what had come out, until Logan stopped.

The tension in the air was palpable, your heart pounding in your ears as you caught your breath. Logan stopped the ministrations on your face, his grip to your neck and hip growing harder, steadier as his breathing picked up. “In love!?” Wade and Laura yelled out from the living room, Mary Puppins gave a little bark as well. In that moment you stopped, your eyes growing wide as you panned upwards. “In love?” Logan asks, his eyes turning from a vibrant green shade to mocha, his pupils blackened. Meeting his gaze, you swallowed back the words I’m kidding, because in reality you were not. It was out there now, there was no taking it back even if you had tried. There wasn’t anything that would make this moment easier to digest, it was all or nothing. “Shit.” That was your only response. The movie in the background grew quiet. Laura, Wade, and Mary Puppins stared at you with wide eyes, trying to process it themselves. Al on the other hand sat by the open window and laughed, keeping his head towards the street below.

All you wanted to do was run; Fight or flight kicking in made you want to scream. It wasn’t the way you announced it that made you scared, nor nervous – but how Logan was staring at you. His once playful demeanor was now clouded with something unreadable, enough to make tears well in your eyes. At the end of the day, if he didn’t feel the same there were no hard feelings, and you both could live with that. But right now, you wanted to be alone, to calm down from the panic rising in your chest. “No, no running away.” Logan whispered for you, and you only. His hardened grip on your neck moved to gently hold your face, his thumb sweeping against your cheek. He could see the fear in your eyes, the unknowing – he wanted to settle that for you. Logan leaned forth to press his forehead against yours. The switch of Logan gave you whiplash; Usually he wasn’t this affectionate with his actions, always keeping to himself, not thinking himself worthy of love. But today, that all changed. “Sweetheart…do you mean that?” Logan’s voice broke slightly as he asked, his own eyes welling with tears.

“Of course she does! She’s in lov-“ Wade began, not even giving you a second to explain yourself. Logan grew tense at hearing him speak. He never pushed his face away from yours as he growled out into the room. “Shut the fuck up!” A shiver ran down your spine at the dominance in his voice, your hands instinctively going out to hold onto his hip as you steadied your breathing. “Ohhh my god,” was all Wade could respond with as he sunk back into the couch, Laura holding her hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything more. It was now or never; Forever hold your peace or tell Logan how you really felt and see where it led from there. Taking a deep breath, you nodded against Logan’s forehead, a shaky breath exhaling from your parted lips. “I do.” The words felt right coming out, there was no line of awkwardness or reluctance to them. It was the truth, and now it was known.

You refused to open your eyes as stare at Logan, hearing the deep inhalation he made at your comment. You knew if you opened your eyes tears would fall, and you were not about to have that. Nothing came to mind on what you could say, nor could you move from where you were planted. Internally you begged someone to say something, to break the silence. Logan must’ve heard your internal thoughts. “Finally, didn’t know how long we were going to play that game, sweetheart.” Logan let out, causing you to open your eyes. He extended himself to his full height as he held your face, peering down into your soul with a genuine, loving smile. It was in that moment his words fully clicked inside of your brain, the mutual pining was over. “I’ve been in love with you since day one. I could tell you were too, but I didn’t want to come on too strong, if you weren’t ready. I wanted it to be on your terms, when you felt it was right.” Logan’s word held you tightly, holding you close to show you just how loved you are, how cherished you are, how appreciated you are. You could tell Logan had more he wanted to say but, actions speak louder than words.

Surging forth, you pressed your lips lovingly against Logan, feeling how the world faded around you. The dull, orange lighting of the kitchen burnt out around you. The hum of the coffee maker, fridge, and lights became silent. The only thing that could be heart was your heartbeats, merging into one. Around you swirled endless love and possibilities, flecks of the brightest yellows and blues flowing out like clockwork, binding you two together. This feels so right. Everything felt so right. Logan felt so right. Nothing in life ever felt like this, nothing ever felt meant to be. Only now did you realize, the love you have been waiting your entire life for, finally arrived. In the form of Logan Howlett, The Wolverine. Your hero.

-----

Hugh Jackman Taglist: @anamiad00msday @coowayeoo

Logan Howlett Taglist: @livelaughl0ve3 @mehjustalasshere @allen-444

[lovinglokilaufeyson]

In Vino Veritas (In Wine, There is Truth) - A.A.

Pairings: Astarion x Fem!Reader/Tav (Sorceress/Magic User)

Warnings: FLUFF (the sickeningly sweet kind). Angst. Insecure/Jealous!Astarion. Drunk!Astarion. Soft/Clingy!Astarion. Astarion is in his feelings. Love Confessions. BG3 Spoilers (Early Act I). Mutual Pining. Oblivious!Tav. Honestly kind of Sub!Astarion vibes. Not Proofread!

Wordcount: 2,589

Summary: After seeing you bonding with the other companions, Astarion is in deep with his emotions. This leads to him staggering off to a bar in a nearby town, and you go looking for him as you are worried about him. Once you find him, a confession of love spills from his lips unprompted.

A/N: Can vampires even get drunk? I’m not entirely sure, but that’s what this is about. This wasn’t a request, just something I was interested in writing. I haven’t written Astarion in this way before, but I think I like how it turned out. Thank you guys for all the love on my Astarion fics! I appreciate it immensely. Also, two posts in one day is kind of insane for me. Enjoy!

You weren’t always confident in yourself or your abilities. However, your recent adventures with Lae’zel, Astarion, and Gale have boosted your self-esteem. Gale had even approached you one night rambling about the “weave” and how he wanted you to experience it. You were able to conjure it with favorable ease, however you backed away once he had come onto you. Astarion stood in disgust as he watched the scene unravel. Gale was clearly attracted to you, and clearly wanted in your pants at one point or another. Astarion wouldn’t mind being in your pants either, at one point or another.

Secretly, Astarion envied your naivety, your ability to be fairly oblivious to many people’s advances. Heck, you didn’t even notice Gale’s constant passing glances until he was quite literally leaning in to kiss you, impressed by your ability to conjure the weave with little effort. You turned away nearly instantly, at least once you realized.

You were fairly friendly, which led a lot of suitors to believe that you were interested in them. Gale was no different. The wizard felt that you showed great potential, and he was impressed by your magical abilities. Initially, you believed this to be friendly behavior from Gale, but alas, he felt more for you than that. You had a difficult time turning him down, as you did with most. Gale wasn’t a bad guy, he just – wasn’t for you. Astarion had to spend some time alone after watching you and Gale bond. He felt a pain in his chest while watching the scene.

He was glad to find out that you had rejected Gale, which Gale had let him know (unprompted, of course) one night while out by the fire. Gale was working on his magic, Astarion was reading, and you were sleeping dreadfully well after the long day.

Soon after, you, Lae’zel, Astarion and Gale met Wyll on the way to the grove. You had a battle with the goblins and gained a new ally in Wyll. Unfortunately, Astarion had placed himself right in the midst of the conflict, leading him to take quite the beating. So, when Wyll offered to join the party, you felt it was obvious to have Wyll take his place. Lae’zel and Gale were in moderately good shape afterwards. “Fine,” Astarion spoke merely one word, then turned around in a dejected manner, slumping his way away from the group. When he glanced back, he saw Wyll laughing at something you had said, which caused the pain in his chest to worsen.

Astarion had to walk through a nearby town in order to get back to camp, which is where the mistakes began. He spotted a tavern, which looked acceptable – albeit rundown in comparison to the ones he frequented in Baldur’s Gate. The thought of alcohol to tame his present emotions didn’t seem so terrible. I mean, was he really that replaceable to you? If you were honest, the only reason you sent him away was because of how damaged he looked after battle. Part of you wanted to go with him, or at least offer, but he had walked away too quickly for you to even respond. You probably should have gone after him, instead you turned to your new companion in order to get acquainted.

Your mistake was recognized after you got back to camp last night – because where the hell was Astarion? All of his belongings were still around, but he was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t bathing, but perhaps he could be hunting? It seemed fairly abnormal for him to just wander off. It was getting fairly late and Astarion still hadn’t arrived back at camp. You were getting worried.

“Has anyone seen Astarion?” You asked everyone who was still awake. The group shook their heads. You kept telling yourself that he probably just was out hunting. Yet something didn’t feel right.

“I’m worried about him, guys. I sent him back to camp and he’s nowhere to be found.” You commented, with Shadowheart being the first to respond. “It’s Astarion, Tav. It’s not like he’s known to be the most reliable, even in the few days we’ve known him.” Her fondness for you was shining through, and her almost envious tone showed her distain for your anxious thoughts about the pale elf companion.

You decided to backtrack on the path away from camp, the one that Astarion would have taken back, trying to retrace his steps. You hoped that he hadn’t collapsed somewhere, that was absolutely your worst fear. You couldn’t help but worry at the thought of losing Astarion. He had already been through so much - that you were incredibly aware of.

You wandered the dim, moonlit trail, hoping that you would find a sign of him anywhere. You peered through the forest trees, but with little avail. You thought about shouting out to him but thought better of it. You could attract someone – or something, rather, that you’d prefer not to. You decided to keep as quiet as you could.

You crept towards the nearby town. Given that the afternoon had far past, the only open facility was the tavern. It was old, but well-kept given its state. The building itself was made from stone, with a large oak wooden door at its front. It vibrated with livelihood from the activities of indoors. This tavern was likely the sole place in town where folks could go to have a decent time. Through the windows, you spotted various ages and races of people, all joined together in dancing, drinking, chatting, and even singing. You didn’t see Astarion, but you figured that asking surely wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they knew of his whereabouts.

The door creaked open as you entered, revealing the brightly candlelit interior of the tavern. The wood floors were certainly run down, likely from years of wear and tear and dancing upon them. Many eyes fell upon you when you entered. Your footsteps were light, but your presence was different for the townsfolk. You were new. Astarion had felt similarly when he moved into space, but they had become used to his presence by now. Not only that, but he had spent copious amounts of gold on drinks, which was certainly appreciated. You didn’t know that though, not yet.

The townsfolk had accepted your presence within a few moments of entering, with one muttering to another “she’s a pretty one, isn’t she?” before gulping down more beer, then standing up to make a move on you. You were quite oblivious to this situation, moving steadily towards the barkeep, hoping she might be able to tell you of Astarion’s whereabouts, as you moved through the bar and still didn’t take notice of the elf.

“Eh, darlin!” You heard a man grunt at you, but you didn’t want to acknowledge him. The words almost hit your ears in just the right way, the eerie similarity to Astarion’s word choice was uncanny.

As you approached the bar, the barmaid approached you sweetly. She was an older lady with deep raven hair, likely had worked there for a substantial portion of time, perhaps even being the owner of the place. “Hi, dear. What can I get goin’ for you?” She inquired with a courteous smile. “Nothing quite yet for me. I’m looking for my friend, he’s an elf with white hair, he probably would have passed by here several hours ago.”

“Aw! You must be Tav! He wouldn’t stop rambling about you while he was here. I think he slumped over to the bathroom, we tried to sober him up, but he was lookin’ pretty sick.” The barkeep gestured to the doors in the corner, and you nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be back.”

You pushed your way through the patrons in order to place several knocks on the only closed door. “Astarion?” You raised your voice to ensure that he heard you over the music that boasted in the background. You leaned your head against the door, hoping to hear a response from him. You nearly fell as suddenly the door was replaced with air, and a stumbling Astarion approached you. “Darling!” He exclaimed. This new, puppy-like energy contrasted with his always stoic exterior. You went to scold him, about to go off about his selfishness in abandoning camp like that, but before you could, his rambling continued.

“Goodness, you look phenomenal. I can hardly take it.” You looked at him, creases forming on your face as your mind became more puzzled. Astarion was typically a flirty person, but this was different. For some reason, it seemed – sincere?

“Astarion, what are you doing here?”

“Well I got sad, so I decided to have a few – um – drinks.” His words slurred as they exited his lips, which did not promote truth in his sentence. “A few?” He nodded eagerly in response, and you grabbed at the fabric near his shoulder in order to tug him over to the bar. “Do you know how many drinks he’s had?” You asked the barmaid, hoping she could provide some insight. “In the double digits, certainly. Spent most of his time downing drinks and talking about your ‘delectability.’”

She responded as you took a deep breath. Astarion, who was lent up against your shoulder now, and could hardly maintain composure, brought an index finger to usher the woman quiet, pressing it against her lips. “SHHHH.” He spoke loudly, before she removed his finger in a swift motion. Astarion leant towards your ear, whispering “she’s just talking about how it’s more noticeable that I’m in love with you when I’m tipsy.” Your eyes shot open for the first time in hours. You had maintained heavy lids since post battle; however you hadn’t heard anything this shocking in weeks. You couldn’t help the way that your cheeks now sprouted a flushed, pink hue.

“You somehow get even cuter when you blush.” Astarion spoke, and you placed your head in your hands, which Astarion immediately tried to pull away “don’t, please, you’re so pretty.” You almost rolled your eyes, what if this was all some strange dream? Don’t get you wrong, there were many nights that you dreamt of the day that Astarion would approach you in this way, you just – didn’t think it would happen. You finally released your face from your hands and looked at the barmaid. “We’ll be leaving now, thank you.” You grabbed on to Astarion once more, tugging him towards the large oak door at the entrance.

“Someone’s in trouble!” One of the men shouted from across the bar at the scene. “I hope so!” Astarion shouted back, and you tugged him harder.

As the overwhelm was diluted by the calm of the outdoors, and your faces were hit by the cool air, you turned to face him.

“Astarion, what the hells is going on?” Your question was slightly louder than intended, especially since you had to raise your voice to be heard inside of the bar.

Immediately, you were faced with a pout on Astarion’s lips and dilated pupils as he gazed at you. “Please don’t be mad, darling.”

“I just want to know if you’re okay.” You responded, your features softening, which comforted him.

“I just-“ he stammered, having a difficult time finding the words. He looked back to you, seeing how patient you were, and he relaxed, with help from the alcohol that still coursed steadily through him. “you’re perfect.” For the second time tonight, your eyes widened like craters. You were nearly at a loss for words, but as you went to speak, Astarion interrupted you.

“Gods, Tav! Gale is entranced by you, Shadowheart has definitely caught feelings, Lae’zel wants you to give her bruises, and did you see the way that Wyll looked at you today?” He inquired, and you meagerly shook your head. “Not to mention I’m fucking in love with you! And I can’t even show it! I haven’t felt this way, like, ever, with anyone! And I’m fucking terrified, Tav!”

He gesticulated harshly as he spoke, his pent-up energy finally releasing. You moved towards him, holding your arms out, almost as an offering to him. He looked at you with soft eyes, then headed towards you himself, wrapping his arms around your waist, as yours fell across his shoulders. He relaxed into your touch, leaning his face to nuzzle in your neck. “Please don’t let me go.” Astarion pleaded.

“I won’t, Star.” You whispered into his ear, and you could feel him sigh in relief.

“I’m sorry I was jealous and upset.”

“Don’t be sorry for feeling the way you do, Astarion.” These words nearly brought a drunken Astarion to tears, but he was able to focus on the way you felt in his arms instead. You were able to convince him to cease the hug in order to walk back to camp, but he insisted that he needed to have a hand on you at all times to be assured that “you wouldn’t let him go.” So, it ended up with his hand intertwined with yours for the duration of the short journey back, along with him leaning on you to keep steady.

The rest of the companions were awaiting your return to camp and sighed in relief when you arrived. They were slightly surprised to see Astarion lent up against you, with your frame keeping him upright. Shadowheart seemed to roll her eyes in annoyance at the pale elf’s return, but was thankful you were alright, nonetheless. They stayed quiet, as it seemed more like an “ask questions later” type of circumstance. Since they now knew you were safe, they deemed it acceptable to retreat to their own tents for the night.

You teetered Astarion over to his own tent, facing him as he stared at you with puppy dog eyes. “You’ll stay?” He asked, and you looked at him with similar eyes. “Please?” He followed up, and you nodded. “Let’s go to my tent, though. Is that alright?”

“As long as I’m with you.”

You lead Astarion to your – somewhat more put together tent, with a larger bedroll that could fit the both of you situated on the floor. He stared in awe as he admired the colors within, it was actually quite cozy.

You put yourself in bed as normal, while Astarion seemed to stand with a blank look on his face, his eyes traveling from your eyes to the tent, as if this was new to him. “You okay, Astarion?” You asked, and he nodded. “More than okay, actually.” He responded, and you smiled. You reached your arms out, beckoning him towards you “come here, then, sweet boy.” He grinned giddily, nearly diving into your arms.

-

Astarion woke up in the somewhat unfamiliar environment of your tent, with a throbbing headache. However, he realized that he was sprawled across your lap, and decided to be content in the fact that even though he didn’t remember a single thing about last night, he knew that he had wound up in the right place, in the right person’s arms.

You noticed he had woken from the fluttering of his eyelashes on your skin, and you brought your hand to his hair in order to play with it ever so slightly. “Good morning, handsome” you spoke.

“Good morning, darling. What in the hells happened last night?” He responded, turning towards you with a smirk on his face. “Did I get as lucky as I hope I did?” Sober Astarion was back, that was for certain.

[baldurs-gape]

Gap in the Resume

In a way, Gale should have been grateful to Elminster, the man had pulled strings to get him the interview. Life was all well and good but he did feel a little guilty for relying so heavily on Astarion, not to mention it was setting a bad example that they made ends meet through skills of theft and contract killings. Determined to make an honest life, Gale had started job hunting once life had started to settle a bit and his hands weren't quite so full. Brushing out an invisible wrinkle from his tunic, he waited on the creaky leather sofa. Finally, the door opened.

"Mr. Dekarios?"

Standing so quickly his vision speckled, Gale tried to look confident as he approached the Dean of the school. It wasn't Blackstaff, he couldn't go back there, not after everything but a less prestigious school might just be what he needed.

"Good to meet you, and please, call me Gale." He shook hands with her eagerly and settled on the even less comfortable chair by the impressive desk.

"Elminster has talked highly about you and your skills. It made me think that perhaps you were a little too modest on your CV."

"Yes, well, some things are easier to explain in words than with in on paper."

The Dean looked at him over her glasses with a smile. "Well, here's your chance, Gale. Why would an ex-Chosen of Mystra herself want to teach at our school of all places?"

Rather than say that he was scraping the barrell and needed his old mentor's help in getting honest work, Gale tried to smile, cleared his throat and straightened his back. He'd rehearsed this, it was going to be fine, smooth even."

"Teaching has been somewhat thrust upon me in the last eight years or so. It's a little difficult to always keep track of time in the Underdark. It wasn't a career I had ever really entertained until I got firsthand experience of how rewarding it could be."

So far so good, the Dean nodded along and settled back with a more relaxed posture. Emboldened, Gale decided it was better to throw in some examples to back his words up.

"Perhaps my proudest moment as a teacher was when I took a small group on an expedition towards Lenore's tower and we encountered yet another minotaur - I swear they are the cockroaches of the Underdark - and the six with me made a meal of it." The somewhat puzzled look he received had him rushing to explain. "Before it would have been a lot of snapping and snarling at each other, more blood wasted than drank. Sebastian had a nasty habit of trying to claw the eyes out of anyone who so much as was near him when drinking. Yet there he was, happily sharing the bounty with five others!"

"Mr. Dekarios, Gale-" the Dean held up a finger, "-just what exactly do you teach? I was under the impression you were a wizard."

"I am!" Indignant, Gale huffed. "But you try teaching magic to 7000 feral vampire spawn. Manners had to come first."

"Seven. Thousand. Vampire. Spawn."

Nodding with vigour, Gale's arms came into play as he began to explain.

"We were responsible for them after freeing them. Well, first we had to sort out the Netherbrain while the Gur rounded them up and kept them safe from everyone including themselves. It wasn't like we could abandon them. I happen to take responsibility very seriously. It began with a book club for the more recently turned and those interested and just grew from there." Barely stopping to take a breath, he continued, "Trust me, I wanted to show them the wonders of magic but some of them couldn't even read, a tracesty if you ask me."

A strained smile appeared on the Dean's face. She sat primly, hands clasped on the table between them.

"Did this happen after your status as Chosen was revoke?"

"Yes. Well, not immediately. I spent a year trying to tame the Netherese orb in my chest." At that, the Dean looked alarmed. "Don't worry, it's all taken care of now, it's old news. But for a year I worked heavily on the research of the elimination of Netherese fragments bonded to a human entity. Alas before I could refine my findings and publish, a Nautiloid snatched me up as I was hanging my washing. Now, I know mindflayers don't have emotions in the same capacity but it was downright rude. Then they put the tadpole in my brain."

By that point the strained smile had fallen away and the Dean was outright alarmed, edging away from the table and away from Gale. Off script and caught up in the story, he wasn't slowing down.

"Anyway, you've probably heard of the Baldur's Gate Netherbrain incident. That was me and a couple of others who are now good friends of mine. But try putting that on a resume. It wasn't relevant to teaching magic really. I don't want to walk into the classroom as some mighty hero, I just want to be normal and treated as such. And now the spawn as all mostly settled, I feel I can leave them without fear of any incidents. I did so enjoy teaching them that I thought; why not? I could do this with young people. They'll probably be more likely to singe off your eyebrows by mistake than try to drain you of blood. Much cheaper if you ask me, scrolls of revivify used to make up a good 70% of our weekly expenses."

Tirade over, Gale leaned back in his chair and sighed, glad to have got that all out. A little sheepish at having gone so far off script, he offered a tiny smile. "Do you have any other questions about the gap in my resume? Because I don't think I touched on the mental health of students. Mystra demanded repeatedly that I kill myself. It is safe to say I wouldn't ever be anything but accepting and nurturing of even the most frustrating minds in the classroom. They're safe with me."

"Actually," the Dean's voice was a little breathy, "I think you've been very informative, thank you. I can let you know the outcome of the interview in the next tenday once all interviews for the position have concluded. Thank you so much for coming in today."

She stood and Gale copied. This time she didn't stand close to usher him out the room, a rather large amount of space was left between them. Gale's heart sank. It wasn't the first time an interview ended so abruptly and with such false smiles. Nodding, he turned to the door and left.

Outside, Astarion was leaning against the wall, covered from head to toe for safety.

"How did it go?" he asked.

Sadly, Gale shook his head and deflated. "I went off script. At least she didn't call security I guess?"

"Not to worry. We'll find a place. Hells, we could probably even found it, the Underdark Academy, a place for the unruly to come and be transformed into etiquette experts. What do you think?"

Laughing, Gale bumped their shoulders and sighed, trying to let go of the disappointment that had settled in his gut.

"You say the sweetest things to me, don't you?"

Their hands tangled until fingers interlaced and Astarion pulled it up to press a kiss to the back of Gale's. This job wasn't to be but that was alright. They had all the time in the world to figure it all out. And for Gale to discover that while he was in the interview, Astarion had stolen anything that moved from the school.

[graysparrowao3]

i'm thinking. Maybe Rolan is in heat. And the infuriatingly flirty and handsome Zhent guy who keeps trying to get discounts might be populating Rolan's horny thoughts. Maybe Rolan asks this Rugan guy if he'd like a...ah, mission. a very special mission that would imply them locked into Rolan's room for three days

Oh ho ho, what a message! Well this is new for me! You sure are thinking thoughts... Thank you for sharing them! ... Now I'm thinking them too...

Interesting… two of my favourite blorbos, conveniently in such an improper situation…🤔 Hope you don’t mind, I had a play around with how such a discussion might go. Hopefully it's got the same sort of vibes you were thinking too!

Summary: Rugan wants a discount. Rolan wants release. They come to an agreement.

Words: 1,108

Very suggestive, not outright explicit.

A bead of sweat laced down Rolan’s neck and tickled as it slid beneath his collar. He tried to adjust the fabric, but little good it did. He was burning from the inside out, infernal resistance be damned.

His entire damn body was pulsing in knots; a bottled up rolling thunder threatening to detonate. Instead of having the company or decency to take care of it, he was trying desperately to concentrate through the steam in his head and take stock and procure items and take payments. Then a figure appeared at the entrance of Sorcerous Sundries; sandy hair tied back and an infuriatingly charming smile pulling at the lines around his crystal eyes.

Just who he did not need to be putting up with right now.

The human strode through the wide, open double doors like his balls hardly fit and deposited himself at the counter, lounging against it and ignoring the fact that Rolan was still finishing a transaction with another customer.

“Y’alright, gorgeous,” Rugan winked.

Rolan blew frustrated air from his nostrils as he completed the exchange and cast his eyes sideways over to the annoyingly handsome interruption. “I suppose you imagine that might actually work one of these days?”

“You are a tease,” Rugan clicked his tongue. “Go on, be an absolute gem and do us a favour.”

“I’m not sorry to say I shan’t. Are you actually going to be making a purchase this time or shall we skip forward to the part where I demand your swift departure?”

Rugan made a show of patting the firm sides of his waist. “Alas, I seem to find myself tragically short in the coin department.”

“I’ll attempt not to be overcome with disbelief,” Rolan muttered, letting his eyes linger far too long where the human’s fingers rested on his lean body, dangerously close to the tempting creases where his thighs met his groin. “I see you are once again under a misconception that this is not a place of business where goods and services are available for purchase.”

Noting the direction of the wizard’s gaze, Rugan’s own eyes narrowed as he studied the tiefling. The desperate glisten on his skin, the hungry flare in his eyes, the awkward shifting between his feet to hide the discomfort of his need. Oh, now this he could work with.

Rugan let his tongue wet his lips as his lilting voice danced indecently across the space between them. “Looks to me like I’m not the one in need of said goods and services.”

“I’ve no idea what you could possibly mean,” Rolan said dismissively.

“Now I could be wrong,” Rugan’s voice lowered as he leaned over the counter, “but something tells me you’ve need of a man well-versed in his trade.”

Rolan raked his eyes up and down the worn leather and tight straps that outlined the human’s body. He didn’t realize the tip of tongue also flickered across his lips. “You are a mercenary of some description?”

“Aye,” Rugan lip pulled into a lopsided smile. “Let’s go with that.”

“Then I’ve had more than enough of you and your compatriots.” Rolan snapped his head towards the open doors of the establishment, and Rugan followed his sightline. 

In the courtyard outside some loud gobshite with a rat’s nest on his head wouldn’t shut up about the song of the night or some such rubbish. Rugan shook his disapproving head. He turned back to the wizard and gestured with his hand to emphasize his point. “What you need is a professional.”

“If only there were such a thing in this Godsforsaken city.” Rolan’s tongue hung deliciously on the sibilance.

“You’re in luck,” Rugan rolled his shoulders and braced himself on the counter in a way that made his biceps strain against the material of his sleeves and his chest press against the leather. “A consummate professional. At your service.”

Rolan indiscreetly adjusted his robes. “What I want would be a paying customer.”

“Said I don’t have the coin,” Rugan stared up, his bright eyes meeting the fire in Rolan's. An obscene smirk could be heard in his voice. “Didn’t say I wouldn’t pay.”

A deep maroon flared across Rolan’s cheekbones and he turned away. He covered his flush of flaring need with a cough, missing the smirk that flashed across Rugan’s face. When the wizard turned back, he paused, one nail tapping incessantly on the counter surface.

“Perhaps…" Rolan said, slowly. "I could find a task for you. A contract, if you like. Unofficial. Unaffiliated with Sorcerous business.”

An indecent smile grew on Rugan’s lips. “Now you’re talking. Always best when things are on the smart side of official.”

“I could…” Rolan cleared his throat, then raised his chin to maintain some essence of dignity. “Use a hand. Personal matters.”

The way one of Rugan’s brows raised in a suggestive curve was not subtle. “You don’t say?”

“I imagine a professional might find other suitable ways to go about it.”

“Oh, I imagine you’re right about that.” The Zhentarim agent’s wicked grin broadened.

“Then we’re in agreement. In exchange for a selection of items of your choosing,” Rolan swallowed. “You will… assist me.”

“I can only imagine what such a notable purveyor of his craft might need assisting with,” Rugan let an elbow rest on the counter and leant his chin on his fist as he crooned across it. “Consider me your dutiful apprentice.”

Rolan imagined he’d be calling the man a great many things in the near future, though that would not be among them. He found the sharp attitude that often clipped his voice, a flare of arrogance to cover his indignity. “I'm quite the particular employer, I expect your undivided attention. It may take some time.”

Rugan reached forward and hooked a finger under the cool, silver curve of Rolan’s mantle. He jerked it down, forcing the wizard’s head towards his. Rugan leaned close, his tone low and gruff as his rough cheek grazed against the tiefling. “It’ll take as long as I say it will.”

Rolan’s face burned as he was released from the Zhent’s grip, a hand instinctively against his heaving chest, desire hard between his legs. He blinked for breath, then turned around and called out across the echoing chamber of Sorcerous Sundries. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are closing immediately. Management does apologize but you must depart the building at once.”

The patrons had not quite all left when an impatient, stern hand smacked firm onto Rolan’s backside.

“Hope you’re as tightly wound as you look, sunshine,” Rugan’s breath was hot on his ear. “Because I’ve got one hell of a shopping list.”

[loquaciousquark]

when will eppie hawke and fenris meet tavish and astarion? (:

"And anyway, it won't be that bad. One last little Fade rift. We'll barricade it up as best we can, send a message to Skyhold, go home, and—"

One of the craggy footholds crumbles away beneath Hawke's foot, and it's only Fenris's quick hand that saves her from a plummet back down the side of the barren mountain. "Hawke, please."

"Please yourself. I said you didn't have to come."

Fenris throws her a longsuffering look, the flickering green lightning of the rift casting weird shadows over his eyes, but he doesn't let go of her arm until she's got both feet on solid ground again. "Just seal it and let this be done."

"My heart's only desire, lover," Hawke says, smiling, just as another pair of voices rises from the other side of the rift.

"Careful—careful! It shocks like the entire Hells are in there. Where's Gale?"

"Wherever Karlach dropped him, I suppose, with that little sprained ankle of his. No, I see them, they're almost here. Come away, darling. No need to get so dramatically close."

"This, from you?" says the woman, just as she and her fellow voice round the far edge of the rift. "Oh!"

"Well!" Hawke says almost at the same moment. Two of them after all: a short, slim woman with auburn hair pulled back in a low tail, and a tall, lithe man with hair as white as Fenris's and eyes that gleam like rubies. The man has a dagger drawn already, a thin smile playing over his face; the woman's fingers rest on her sheathed rapier, but her gaze is open, friendly. Hawke plants her staff on the rocky ground in as welcoming a gesture as she can manage. "Fancy running into someone like you up here of all places."

"I could say the same," the woman says. The green rift, still hanging between them and stretching a good twenty feet into the sky, gives an ominous rumble. "Our wizard's been fretting about magical disturbances along the city's borders for weeks. He finally traces the source to this location, and here you are at the heart of it. I'd like to believe it's coincidence."

"Alas," Hawke says, "one of my greatest faults is a terrible habit of being around when things begin. Fenris can attest to that better than most." She lays a hand on Fenris's shoulder, but he's stiff as iron, eyes glued to the man's dagger, and he's reached back for the hilt of his greatsword. "I'm Hawke, by the way."

"Call me Tav."

"And I'm Astarion," the man says grandly, accompanied by a wholly unnecessary flourish of his dagger. "We're here to steal the world."

"Save it," Tav says sharply.

"Of course, my dear. Save the world. What did I say?"

Fenris makes a short, disgusted noise, but Hawke's pleased to see he's let go of his own sword. She doesn't think this Astarion is going to kill them—not easily, anyway—and she likes the look of Tav despite herself. Both of them quick on their feet, she thinks, both moving gracefully with an innate, self-assured balance. As Tav steps around the rift Astarion moves with her like water, without even needing to see where she's gone. It reminds her a great deal of Fenris and herself, actually, though Hawke would give an arm to trust her own feet that much.

Fenris, it seems, has come to similar conclusions, and he rolls his shoulders as he releases their tension. Even his voice has lost its nascent fury, which for Fenris is practically friendly in situations like this. "The rift is dangerous. We will guard it until the Inquisitor can seal it permanently. Be on your way."

"Inquisitor?" drawls Astarion with that same, thin-lipped smile. "Sounds like someone from dear Shadowheart's former enclave, don't you think?"

"I don't think they're Sharran," Tav says. "Are you?"

"What a speculative look you've put on," Hawke says, delighted. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. Unless you'd like me to be Sharran, in which case, I most certainly am and in fact have always been."

Both Fenris and Astarion roll their eyes—hilarious in its own right, but heightened by the clear antipathy still remaining between them. Fenris sighs. "Hawke—"

The rift explodes.

Green lightning shatters over the rocky cliff. The rumble bursts into a deafening roar; the faint breeze that had been dancing around them sweeps up into a hurricane. The air cracks and snaps with a sudden smell of ozone.

Hawke throws her hand over her eyes. She can't see—the wind tears her hair from its bindings and she can't see past the brilliant flashes of blazing green and she can't hear— "Fenris!"

Someone's fingers wrap around hers. She wrenches up her staff, calls for fire—for ice—for anything—but the rift has become a maelstrom and every scrap of magic sucks into the raging whirl before she can shape it. Her boots skid on the stone as she tries to brace against the inexorable pull, pebbles and rocks rattling along every step. She can't—the hand wrapped around hers has seized tight as a vise, but she's slipping anyway, and Maker, she can't—

A man's echoing voice, stripped bare of all artifice, wild with fear: "Tav!"

The wind dies. Not slowly, not gradually; it falls off like someone's upturned a glass over the rocky cliff, and Hawke's ears roar in the sudden silence. The wind is gone, and the rift is gone with it as if it had never been, the thunderous clouds that had been swirling above it already dissipating to glimpses of blue morning sky.

"Andraste preserve me," Hawke says, loud in the quiet, and she looks over to see Tav still crouched against the face of the mountain. One of Tav's hands clutches a dagger she'd wedged deep into a stony crevice; the other is still wrapped tight around Hawke's wrist where she'd pulled her away from the tempest.

No sign of Fenris. No sign of the other one—Astarion. A long white scrape in the stone marks where Fenris's sword had sought and failed to find purchase, disappearing at the precise place where the rift had torn itself open.

Gone. Gone, gone. Her heart hammers in her throat, and she indulges in thirty seconds of agonizing grief before she sets it aside, turns, and pulls Tav to her feet.

"Well," Hawke says at last. "Looks like it's just you and me, then. Ready for an adventure?"

"Yes," Tav says, her grip on Hawke's hand like steel, and her eyes blaze. "You and me. Let's get them back."

—

Everything hurts. Everything godsdamned hurts, and Astarion lets out a pained groan as he rolls to his back and drops his arm over his face. His ears ring like bells, and something twinges painfully in his left hip, and the inconvenient sun has decided to blaze right in his face and gods damn it, he'd known they ought to wait for Gale. Wretched wizard and his weak ankles. Wretched Tav and her complete inability—

"Tav," Astarion says, and sits bolt upright.

No Tav. Not even the dark-haired sorcerer with the wide smile. Just that taciturn warrior in leather and half-plate seated on a rock a few feet away, watching Astarion get his bearings, his greatsword slung across his knees and a deeply sour look on his tattooed face. The skies above them are clear and blue as a song.

No Tav. No Hawke. No rift. No plan, and no company besides an irascible stranger with the same sudden look of dawning horror.

"Venhedis."

"Shit."

[cblgblog]

Hey. so that AU where Lilia Calderu is trying to ignore the world and do her thing in quiet in the early 2000s when her past and future self keep showing up to yell at her until she blinks and finds herself on the streets of Sokovia staring down two small recently orphaned and now homeless children, one of whom has the most terrifying magical aura about her. Or the Maximoff twins, raised by Lilia, and oh how they'd annoy the Avengers.

Oh my God, the chaos though. So much chaos.

Orphaned children who do not know who this random crazy woman is, and why should we go with you? Lilia who’s like, because I’m sick of talking to myself about you, that’s why. But also magics up some decent, warm clothes for them, some food. And hey, you’re welcome to stay in this Sokovian orphanage that looks like the most Dickensian, stereotypically bad orphanage I’ve ever seen, and I’ve lived a really long time.

Wanda and Pietro who think for awhile that Lilia must’ve been in some kind of explosion too. At least something that caused a head injury. Because they’ll be having a perfectly reasonable conversation—by Lilia standards—and then Lilia will just blurt out these random things that make no sense. They’re honestly kinda terrified she’s an escaped mental patient, especially when she starts going on about how Wanda’s a witch with all this untapped power.

“Like on Bewitched?” Because of course that’s where Wanda takes it.

And, mistake, because then there’s this 20 minute rant about how offensive and demeaning and stereotypical that show is, that the kids are just staring at wide-eyed, hoping Lilia interrupts herself with one of her random bits of gibberish. Alas, no dice that day, so they have to suffer her entire spiel about how terrible that show is, which just leaves Wanda deeply offended because shut up, she likes that show.

Pietro just, I don’t like it either, I told her it was stupid. Which gets him a “Good boy,” and a pat on the head from Lilia, not unlike what you’d give a dog.

Twins who think she’s absolutely lost it with this witch stuff, okay, okay, clearly Lilia has some weird ass hidden talents, but Wanda sure doesn’t. Until Lilia coaches Wanda into reading her mind, just a little bit, and oh, okay well, this is new. Wanda who immediately wants to learn more of that please, but no, nope, we’re starting out small, kiddo, you don’t need to be reading your brother’s mind.

Wanda asserts that there’s no trouble there, Pietro’s head is totally empty after all, and then Lilia’s refereeing a bickering match between 10-year-olds and just, sigh.

Lilia telling people that these are her poor, oh so tragically orphaned niece and nephew, and threatening to hex Pietro when he says grandchildren might be more convincing. She also totally uses them in her act, for cuteness and sympathy, oh how about a reading so I can feed my poor little orphan niece and nephews? Did I mention they were orphans?

Pietro grumbling about the unfairness of why Wanda gets cool witch powers and he doesn’t. They’re twins after all; shouldn’t he be a wizard or something? Wanda who lords her new skills over him at first, haha, look what I can do, then realizes that 1, it actually does make him feel bad, and 2—more importantly—he’s gonna be really boring to play with and unable to keep up with her if she doesn’t throw him some sort of bone.

Lilia comes down to breakfast one morning and suddenly Pietro has speedster powers, because of course he does, sigh. Well, that was nice of you, Wanda, sharing is caring, but also never do that again. Partly because it’s incredibly reckless and dangerous, mostly because it’ll now make my life even more complicated.

Lilia meeting up with a fellow witch for something, someone who clocks what Wanda is, or has the potential to be, and just, you have the most powerful magical being in the universe, someone who might be on track to destroy the world, you have this kid hanging out with you in your dumpy little shop shuffling tarot cards?

Lilia’s offense at that, I have a scared, orphaned child with me, who yeah might destroy the world, jury’s still out on that, but who is much, much more likely to do so if she’s running around with all this power and no training. Also, my shop is not dumpy, shut the fuck up.

Kids who are utterly thrilled when Tony Stark is missing and presumed dead, and look at Lilia with complete disgust when she has one of her walkabout moments and tells them Stark isn’t actually dead, he’s gonna come back and be a superhero and they’re gonna help save his life soonish. Twins just, no, absolutely not, thanks but no thanks, mom, we refuse, take away our allowance if you must but no.

And then stuff happens and they end up in New York where all these aliens are causing trouble and they wind up stopping Tony from having to fly into space with the nuke—he still makes the sacrifice play, he still tries to do the right thing, he just gets his play interrupted by a girl in a Hot Topic getup who’s really good at stopping missiles from going off, huh, who knew, where’d she learn that? Which stops Tony from having his Thanos visions and embarking on his descent into paranoia and ‘I must save the whole world by myself even though I literally just joined a team of really powerful co-workers who’s whole thing is helping each other save the world.’ Which ultimately stops the Civil War from going like it did, which in turn means the Avengers are whole and united when Thanos comes to Earth, and are able to stop him. Which stops the Snap, which stops Endgame, which means Tony doesn’t die.

So, Lilia is once again always right, much to the annoyance of the twins who really weren’t that interested in saving Tony’s life but eh, whatever, pluses and minuses to everything.

Also, Stephen Strange showing up at Lilia’s door at some point to discuss the twins because Lilia just, yeah, yeah, Sorcerer Supreme, whatever, such an ego, no, you’re not just whisking my kid off to your little health spa in Tibet, yeah, no, that’s not happening.  If you do, you're gonna have to take him with you, they're a package deal, yes even if he doesn't have magic.

Strange meeting Pietro and just, yeah, maybe I don't actually wanna do this after all, maybe we can discuss some kind of alternate arrangement for continuing her training.

[centrally-unplanned]

I'm curious, how do you feel about harem tropes in anime and vns as a straight (for now, we will get you one day!!!) poly dude? Does the "genre" hold any appeal to you, and are there any standouts you would point to to say "yeah they really nailed what I like here"?

Look someone has to be a straight guy on here, affirmative action to ensure we get a diverse community! Overall I think they are fine as a concept - essentially harem is too "basic" to have like any one opinion on it, right? It can take on a million different forms, some will work and some don't.

For me most of the time they don't work, primarily because the typical deployment is in some weird asexual abeyance state where the protagonist has a dozen girls who are into him but they never cross the threshold. It is essentially a piece of media with no progression that substitutes in lateral quantity of girls for interesting narrative. Even this can work though, if the work is a sufficiently silly or weird sex comedy - those don't need any progression, right, the fun is in the jokes. The key for me is to make the lack of progression actually part of the humor. Few land this honestly, but while I am cheating because here the MC *does* date all the girls, The 100 Girlfriends Who Really Really Love You is a good example - he has to date all the girls or THEY DIE because God fucked up their destinies. Totally stupid, great premise for a comedy. Or My Next Life as a Villainess, where the heroine is isekai'd into an otome is obsessed with not being murdered like in the game, so fails to realize that she has dodged that bullet so successfully everyone wants to bone her (that show isn't good for its own reasons alas).

The other path is the "ancillary" harem, where the story has some other primary plot going on, fantasy wizard war or w/e, but the main character also has 4 hotties in the crew who are in various degrees of thirst over him. Normally still dumb ofc but this is less offensive because it isn't the main story, so it can have more logic. Additionally, you can use their role in the main story to make them cool/attractive, such that you have more investment with them. "I want to date you" is not a great pitch for why someone would want to date you, after all. Still, it is all better if you get like Mushoku Tensei and actually date them, since then you can have very interesting multiple-relationship arcs that intersect the main story. At the rare peaks this is authentically great, and never seen in TV outside of anime.

Visual Novels, funnily enough, are not that commonly harem! Because of split-routes you set up the harem "premise" at the beginning, but then you "choose a route" and the other girls fade away and it becomes a mono romance. Obviously they do exist, but VNs just typically have other genre conventions - and the ones that do exist I just tend to have not played. Maybe some out there do cool harem stuff! I am open to recs.

Being poly honestly effects this very little, because most harem anime just isn't poly. It is too far divorced from any level of "poly rep" for my own life experiences or w/e to come up beyond the occasional joke. Which makes sense - the audience isn't poly! Very similar to how the average yaoi is made for women, not gay men. And just like gay men enjoying yaoi, I can still enjoy a good harem even if it isn't For Me in that way.

[starsofarda]

Ok, I am following after this brainrot.

Have a ficlet - it's probably what I am gonna do about this whole thing, unfortunately it's the time where I don't have many energies.

And yes, I know that I have other things, but again, low energy. ADHD is being a bitch to me.

I hope you will enjoy my offer <3

PS: I know, language barriers, pls do not ask me to write in actual Elvish. Here's a small legendarium for different languages:

Normal font: Westron

Typed: Legolas specifically with his horrendous Sylvan dialect

Italic: Sindarin

Bold: Khuzdul (underlined if ANCIENT Khuzdul)

Cursive: Quenya

At first it felt like a light trickling of dust and pebbles over him - he didn't bother opening his eyes yet.

He was still grappling with the fact that he was breathing again and that he was not in the peaceful Halls of Mandos anymore.

And then he heard drums.

Drums and hurried footsteps and the skittering of orcs - no, not orcs, goblins.

That was when he decided to open his eyes and free himself from the wall he had been apparently staying.

It took him a short while to get back some of his movement, enough to start walking towards the source of that noise, hoping that once he got there he would have enough strength to just give a hand to whoever was in there - no pun intended, he thought, as he slowly directed himself whilst leaning against the stony walls.

It seemed that he was in a mine - a Dwarven mine, to be exact.

That was when he heard it - the horrible noise of a Balrog - and he knew those fiendish creatures quite well.

He needed to hurry, whoever was in there did not deserve to face any Balrogs of Morgoth.

It took a while for him to catch up.

When he finally did arrive, he was just in time to see as what looked like a Wizard was facing off with the Balrog.

The Wizard was speaking a language unknown to him.

"You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass!"

Alas he was way too far yet, as he hurried as best he could towards the group - he could see a Dwarf, an Elf, two men and four halflings - or children, he really could not distinguish them in such darkness.

As the Wizard was caught by the whip of the Balrog and shouted "Fly, you fools!", he jumped straight next to one of the men, helping him hold the little ones.

Aragorn suddenly saw the presence of probably the tallest Elf he had ever met and with fiery red hair - something he himself had never seen. "What?!" He exclaimed confused.

The red haired Elf just shook his head.

"Let's talk later, once we are out of here."

Aragorn nodded and lead the Fellowship out of Moria, as per plans. There would be time to grieve later on.

Once outside the situation looked grim. The Hobbits were stricken by grief, the Fellowship was lost, and on top of that not onl was Gandalf dead at the hands of a Balrog, but they acquired one more Elf - and what kind of Elf.

Tall, fiery red hair, missing right hand and scarred left hand. Aragorn talked to him.

"We will talk once we are out of orcs' sight."

"Fine by me, Elros."

"... My name is Aragorn. I think you have me confused."

"Oh, sorry. My name is Nelyo."

Aragorn definitely had heard that name before, although he could not pinpoint exactly when, or where. Somehow he was thinking of Elrond, but he would know for certain if Elrond had mentioned that name. In any case, that definitely wasn't the time to linger on issues and thoughts - he would have time to do so once the Fellowship reached Lothlorien.

"Boromir, get the Hobbits up, we need to go!"

"Give them a moment, for pity's sake!"

"By nighttime this place will be crawling with orcs."

Legolas was looking uneasy, something Aragorn picked up immediately. "Yes, we are taking the Elf with us."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Aragorn."

The man stopped. "And why not? He helped us."

"He is a kinslayer."

"As far as I am concerned, this one just came out of the rocks of Moria, if anything I will let the lady of the Galadhrim decide."

Nelyo understood only about half of the conversation - damn, the language did evolve a lot during the time he was in Mandos. He would have to ask someone what had happened in the meantime, but for the moment he stood upand wobbled a little towards two of the halflings, gently patting them and signaling themm it was time to go.

The two latched onto him, as the rest followed the man who introduced himself

By the time they stopped by the river Nimrodel, they finally shifted the attention to "Nelyo", as Aragorn had relayed his name to the rest of the Fellowship.

In the meantime Nelyo had understood that probably speaking Sindarin instead of Quenya would be a better shot. It was Aragorn, once again, that talked to him.

"We are about to enter Lady Galadriel's realm. We are on a secret errand. What can you tell us?"

Nelyo considered his options. Also, the fact that Galadriel had been mentioned meant a 99% of certain death - that would suck, but at least he'd say sorry.

"I think it's probably easier if I speak Sindarin."

"Indeed."

Nelyo braced himself. "My Sinda name is Maedhros. I died... Well, I am not sure, but I died. Somehow I was re-embodied here."

Now, Aragorn definitely had heard the name "Maedhros".

"That's why Legolas here said that you were a kinslayer." He pointed at the blond Elf next to him.

"Indeed. It is probably not a good idea making me go anywhere near Galadriel."

"Agreed." Legolas interjected. "My father and grandfather have told me about ancient Doriath."

Now things started to click for Aragorn. Boromir was looking at everyone with eyes wide open - as much as he understood Sindarin, he was nowhere near fluent, so he would need to ask about the ordeal later on, swallowing at least a bit of his pride.

Maedhros sighed. "I will take my punishment whatever that will be."

That kind of settled things down.

At that point Sam interjected. "Hey, Mr. Nelyo did help us and has been nothing but mindful! Why are you all being mean?!"

"I am afraid, Master Gamgee, that the issue runs deeper than ever. But it is indeed true, maybe the Lady of the Galadhrim will be merciful, given the more pressing matters."

Maedhros was tired, however. Whatever would be his destiny, at least he'd get to see the stars once more - so he thought as Legolas seemed to tell a story and sing.

He kind of went back memory lane, when Maglor used to sing, now only just a memory.

The halflings suddenly latched onto him once again. "See, Merry? Mr. Nelyo Elf was feeling grief too, that's not hard to see!"

"He doesn't look as scary now, Pippin!"

"I never said he was!"

And Maedhros was not understanding a single word of that language, but he surely understood warmth. These halflings truly were like children to him. He made a half smile.

"See? He smiled! Frodo, Sam, he smiled!"

Boromir intervened. "Yes, and now we are all very tired. And orcs are still about. Leave him be.

That pretty much concluded the night. Every problem that still lingered would be resolved by morning.

[nights-nonsensical-ramblings]

Damn it im trying to start a ramble but i cant really form anything much. (later note here, i managed it. I am so sorry for anyone thats come across this in the tags (they're there for my organisation), ive kinda made it a mess to put on any blog cuz of all the contradicting stuff) Like i've got "mmm i like Knuckles, he's best boy". But it feels like any headcanons or au ideas i could talk about are out of reach on my own. Again its like a fog, i know they're there but i just cant reach them. Subnautica 2 got a trailer and again its like i cant grab any thoughts on it. Like I love subnautica, never actually finished it, but i adore this game, its vibes its world the creatures

hmmm I just finished binge watching every single episode of Viva la Dirt League's bored series, did that over the last few days, saw its evolution and how stunningly high the production value got, how certain jokes were more/less common than i thought.

You know there's actually a reference to Baelin from their epic npc man series in one of my fics. In chapter 16 of 'No child should have to inherit a war' i have big say “morning, it’s a nice day for fishing, isn’t it?" a pretty close match to Baelin's "Morning! Nice day for fishing ain't it? Hua hah!" Alas no one ever got the reference. Okay, i got some Knuckles thoughts. Like in a generic fantasy rpg style world it would be so easy to put knux in a fighter/warrior/brawler type class. He likes to hit hard and get up in the heat of the fight. But i adore his more quiet moments so much. He likes to help out the animals of his islands, he's a protector who cares so much and is always jumping to help strangers, enemies and friends alike. (even if he still tries to play the stoic role) But what would be absolutely hilarious in my opinion is if he was an incredibly powerful sorcerer/mage/wizard. (in reference to how powerful he is due to the m.e connection) and he's hyped up as this powerful and dangerous magic user,

only for him to punch you in the face when you go to fight him.

Oh he'll use his magic (and m.e powers in canon also apply here) to look after the place he protects, but he's not a fan of using it in combat. Both cuz its not his style, he prefers a direct, get it done style and cuz he feels its not his place that his power is not to be used in an offensive manor.

and throw in some healing powers of course cuz i will forever love Knuckles as a healer who will tell you off for being stupid and will huff and deny he's worried. (Platonic tsunderes hold a place in my heart)

Cuz yeah, caring is a major part of who knuckles is.

And back to bored, cuz Knuckles being the type to care reminds me of Rowan (the character) being such an opposite and a terrible boss. Cuz man Ben and Rowan and SO good at playing hateable characters. Like Bens character in Bored is the culmination of all the most frustrating and OUTRAGEOUS customers. He does such a good job that i get excited when he plays a less punch able character.

Like Charles, sure he's a mugger, but he's literally just following his programming. But he's also one of the npcs whos kinda able to break out of it. (but is very easily reset).

hmmm the string of thought is kinda knotting up a bit. Like i got a little more about subnautica and how i really wanted to do a thing about Knuckles bonding with the sea emperor leviathan over being the last, but idk how to write the sea emperor so it hasn't really gotten anywhere. hmmm now what... I definitely want to keep rambling (its working and i feel better) but idk what to say now.

[eggymf-archived]

of paper planes and wildflowers; 01

ft. ominis gaunt with f!reader (series)

chapter warnings: nsfw, semi-public sex, chaotically embarrassing situations,  mild dubcon, aphrodisiac, feeble attempt at ominis slander for plot(?) purposes, not proofread, unedited

chapter summary:  from teenage gossips to formulating random drinks together with your best friend, everything goes completely awry in the most unexpectedly worst way possible. 

word count: 4k

a/n: i wrote this during 1 am in the morning after a mental breakdown lmao what’s good D:

main masterlist || series masterlist || AO3

“That’s the seventh time you sighed in the last five minutes.”

You grumbled in response at Natsai’s observation, dropping your forehead flat on the table with a distinct thud, much to Madam Scribner’s chagrin who harshly shushed you with a matching glare. Natsai gave the said librarian an apologetic look before turning towards you again with concern.

"Probably ‘cause of her mum again, I reckon,” Garreth piped, flipping his book to the next page as he scribbled down on his rolled-out parchment. You shuddered in response, recalling that damned Howler you received from your mother prior this week when she found out you had landed yourself in detention with Garreth again. Your mother expected great academic success from you and for you to behave yourself, especially during this year when you’ll be taking your OWLs.

“I’m sure you’ll do great for your OWLs. Despite the trouble you get yourself into, you always excel in your studies anyway,” Natsai comforted, rubbing your shoulder as you let out yet another sigh. Yes, you were having problems with your mum’s incessant reminder of picking a career path, and yes, you were tremendously feeling pressured about acing your OWLs. But there was another problem:  a huge one in fact - so huge you couldn’t even tell your two close friends about it. 

“I’ll be fine, you two. I just have a lot in my mind lately,” you mumbled, laying your cheek flat on the surface of the table while staring at an empty table from the distance. 

“I’d say. You’ve been on the edge eversince that potions incident,” Garreth pointed out, earning a fairly loud snort from you.

“Which potions incident, Garreth? Last time I checked, you’ve had a total of three incidents this month,” you teased.

“Oh shush. It wasn’t that bad!” the ginger-haired Gryffindor laughed. “I’m talking about that one drink we concocted around two to three weeks ago. The one that you drank?”

Your cheeks slightly pinked at the memory: of course you remember that incident. It was the main reason that has caused you to get stuck in this infernal situation, after all.

“Pretty sure it's not the potion, Garreth. I’m assuming this is just my academic stress finally getting to me,” you dismissively reasoned, thus dropping the subject to concentrate on each of your respective tasks.

You half-expected your 5th year to be like the usual: focusing on your studies, literally brewing mischief and greatness with Garreth, sneaking out of the castle grounds to “practice” your duelling (extracurricular activities, as you’d like to call it) with Natsai occasionally tagging along, and so much more. Aside from the utter chaos that was presently occurring within the wizarding world, who would’ve thought that your life would also end up being in a state of frenzy. 

You shouldn’t have had that particular conversation with Garreth back then. You shouldn’t have drank that damned potion either. But in your defense, you wouldn’t have tried anything weird from the ginger-haired boy unless you actually helped him with the concoction. You’re pretty well-versed with various ingredients, priding yourself to be both book smart and pro-active in collecting various ingredients from the highlands yourself. But alas you were still a student - a silly little student making silly little mistakes. Somewhere along the process of making that certain concoction, you had messed up the calculations of the ingredients’ ratio - something that would prove to be rather grave on your part. 

You and Garreth were hanging out together at the Transfiguration Courtyard after class, the both of you discussing several ingredient combinations as usual. While he scribbled notes on a piece of parchment during the ongoing conversation, you were practicing non-verbal spellcasting for simple charms. However, the conversation took a different turn when you noticed Garreth’s voice slowly faltering as a certain housemate of yours passed by while carrying several thick books. You smirked in realization, calling out the ebony-haired female. Garreth elbowed you harshly, giving you a half-hearted glare. The female turned and smiled towards the both of you in acknowledgment before heading off.

“Blimey, Garreth. Samantha Dale?” you asked, causing him to flush bright pink. “Since when?”

“Last year during potions. That time when Sharp made her switch places with you,” he admitted, causing you to teasingly snicker.

“W-what? It’s not like you haven’t had a crush!” he sputtered.

“I hate to disappoint you but no, I haven’t,” you deadpanned.

“Tell you what, let me ask you this question instead. If you were given the choice, who would you snog in our year?”

“Garreth Weasley, I am NOT answering that!”

“I’ll get the answers right out of you whether you like it or not and you know it. Is it Amit?”

“No.”

“Is it me?”

You slapped his arm in response, earning a laugh from him.

“I’ll take that as a no. Leander?”

“I’d rather get kissed by a dementor.”

“Touché. Perhaps Sebastian?” 

“Have you seen how he looks at the new 5th year? Poor lad looks like a lovesick crup puppy it makes me sick.”

Garreth paused, deep in thought. His lips curled into a smug grin.

Oh no. This isn’t good. 

“Ominis Gaunt?”

A pregnant silence ensued, your expression utterly mortified. Garreth guffawed at your bewildered state, running away from you as you chased him down. Your face was a bright shade of red - whether it is out of embarrassment, denial, realization, or the fact that you were greatly offended by the mere suggestion, Garreth has already arrived to his own conclusion. He was absolutely never going to live this down. After all, you were normally straightforward especially when it came to your preferences: your hesitation was already an obvious sign to the answer.

Tomfoolery aside, Garreth knew you didn’t really like Ominis. To you, Ominis was a sardonic little gossip. Whenever something of note had occurred and anyone involved passes by, he would often quip about their little secrets or actions alongside his unsolicited opinions. His reputation as a Gaunt also played a part as to why you steered clear of him as much as possible: they were proud, volatile, discriminatory, and has a long history with dark magic.

Everyone in Hogwarts always say that it was impossible for secrets to be kept within the castle walls. If the castle walls have ears, then one of those set of ears most likely belonged to Ominis himself. Unfortunately, that would prove to be a correct statement for your particular little case: a certain male with a particularly strong sense of hearing might’ve picked up on your conversation with Garreth earlier.

“Are you sure about this?” Garreth asked as you grabbed the phial from the potions table. “You don’t need to be the test subject, you know? We could just get other people to try it out.”

The concoction that you’ve been working on together with Garreth now rests in your hand. The both of you haven’t named it yet, but it was supposed to stimulate the mind to focus better and to give its drinker an energy boost. Given how stressed you are with your academic subjects and the fact that you’re on the verge of a mental breakdown, you didn’t really care as long as the potion did something to improve your performance.

“It’s the weekend tomorrow, Garreth. If this goes wrong, I have two days tops to get better. I doubt I’ll even need to go to the hospital wing though,” you reassured, taking a sip. The liquid was fizzy, tasted like sherbet lemons, and it brought a pleasant little buzz at the back of your head after a while. Garreth stared at you expectantly.

“Well...?”

“Hmm. So far, so good. We’ll see what happens for the rest of the day,” you said.

“Grand. I’ll see you later then!”

You and Garreth headed off to your own respective classes. You headed off to the Transfiguration Classroom, feeling increasingly invigorated as the potion took its effect bit by bit. You were rather proud of the concoction you and Garreth had made. It felt as if you chugged a vial of Felix Felicis - nothing would ever go wrong for the day and luck was definitely on your side. 

“Hopefully this little boost lasts until I’m done with all my assignments,” you mumbled to yourself as you entered the Transfiguration Classroom, sitting at one of the vacant desks. Your classmates began to pour in, occupying the remaining seats while you flipped through the pages of your textbook, mulling over the possible lesson for today. Right as Professor Weasley left her office to enter the classroom, the classroom doors barged open revealing the flushed faces Sebastian Sallow and Ominis Gaunt.

“Ah, you two are just in time. Please take your seats,” Professor Weasley said. The two panting boys complied, heading to the remaining vacant seats, which was the one right beside you and the other was beside Cressida Blume. The opal-eyed male opted to occupy the one beside you, much to your hidden distress. You were thankful that you didn’t have Garreth as a classmate here - it would’ve been a nightmare seeing his smug little grin and him occasionally making kissy faces to mock the remaining patience right out of your entire being. 

Thankfully, the class was rather uneventful aside from a brief lecture and all of you trying out the Vanishing Spell on several objects. You kept stealing not-so-secret glances at the boy beside you as he made his own attempts, flawlessly executing the spells within a few tries. As much as you hated to admit it, the Gaunts truly did have their own unique allure. Ominis was one of the living proofs - he looked quite elegant and easy on the eyes compared to most of the guys in your year: milky blue eyes, alabaster skin, beauty marks, and dirty blonde hair that was always neatly-styled. He was someone that people would most likely stare at out of admiration.

“You know I can feel you staring at me, right?”

Until he opens his mouth, that is.

“Hmm? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you deadpanned, causing his lips to curl into a knowing smirk. You didn’t like that a single bit, and you wanted this class to end so that you could go about your merry little way avoiding the Gaunt as you always did.

“...On that note, I’ll be assigning you all into pairs. Your partners for this assignment are your current seatmates: I’ll be expecting a 6-inch essay compilation of the Inanimatus Conjurus Spell by next week. Class dismissed.”

Your face fell.

“Is there something the matter?” Professor Weasley asked, noticing your rather upfront reaction. You shook your head vehemently, earning a couple of snorts and giggles from your classmates. You quickly shut your textbook and got up.

“Catch you around. Try compose yourself the next time we sit together, won’t you?” Ominis mocked jokingly as he left. You pointedly stared at his retreating back, silently quelling your mild annoyance.

For the most part, you stayed out of trouble for the entire day, focusing on your assignments and catching up on advanced self-studying. The drink proved to be quite a success so far - it was nearly as effective as an Invigorating Draught, and it helped you sort out the tricky bits from your assignments without contemplating on it way too much. You’ve been holed up in the library eversince your last period, and you still felt quite energetic. The library was getting more and more empty, with students opting to go to the Great Hall for their dinners or back to their common rooms. Meanwhile you just got out of the Transfiguration Section after getting the necessary reference books for that blasted compiled essay due next week. 

Suddenly, you felt your head throb, causing you to drop the books rather unceremoniously on the table. Good thing Madam Scribner wasn’t nearby or she would’ve chided you for not handling school property with care. You uncapped the phial of the concoction, chugging the last remaining contents. Perhaps the effect was lessening hence the sudden dizzying headache.

Oh but you were dead wrong. It got worse.

You felt your body heat up uncomfortably as your senses began to get more heightened - your breathing is now labored, your clothes felt unbelievably scratchy against your skin, and you felt that oh so familiar sinful tingling in between your legs. Panicked, you glanced around the library, seeing if there’s anyone nearby. You clenched your legs shut almost painfully, trying to steady your erratic breathing and heartbeat.

“Alright, self. Calm down. As long as nobody sees you like this--”

You were snapped out of your inner monologue with an oh-so-familiar posh-toned voice jolting you back into reality.

“Thought I might find you here. About that assignment...”

You inwardly screamed in sheer horror and embarrassment, cursing the bad luck that had befallen your poor self. Ominis sat right beside you, blissfully unaware of your current predicament. You couldn’t even comprehend what the male was saying to you: you were gripping your skirt tightly and biting your lower lips all in a great effort to suppress anything that might be a dead giveaway to your situation. Ominis, however, was a lot more astute than you expected. His eyebrows furrowed, immediately sensing that something was up.

“Why are you holding your breath?”

Fuck.

“O-oh. Uh... I-I was? W-well I-”

“What’s going on with you?” Ominis asked rather harshly. You gulped, trying your best to keep the last bits of sanity in your brain intact. According to your nether regions, Ominis sounded absolutely ravishing when he talks like that, and the remaining rationality within your mind refuses to accept that depraved notion. 

You almost moaned out loud when he touched your forehead with the back of his hand. He, however, wasn’t looking too amused with how unusual you were acting. Ominis frowned, looking rather offended for getting him caught up in this awkward situation. He got up, getting ready to leave.

“W-wait!” you cried out, tugging at the sleeve of his robes while looking at him with pleading eyes. “P-please help me...”

Ominis quirked an eyebrow, a faint smirk gracing his lips at your begging tone. He turned back towards you, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Oh? And why should I do that?” he sneered.

“Please I... I think I might’ve ingested an a-ah...!” 

“A what?”

“...Aphrodisiac...” you breathed out, shameful tears welling up in your eyes.

Ominis was mortified, a dark shade of pink flushing his usually pale complexion. He cleared his throat while loosening up his necktie in an attempt to diffuse his bashfulness. An aphrodisiac problem was certainly the last thing he would’ve expected from you.

“So you want me to help you... Because you might’ve ingested an aphrodisiac?” he asked, still finding the situation beyond belief.

You sobbed in response, nodding furiously. You felt so utterly humiliated that you were actually on the verge of wailing on the spot. You couldn’t think straight, you were a mess down there, and you were trying your absolute best to get the situation in control. You didn’t want to go to the hospital wing, nor were you even planning to tell Garreth or Natsai about this unfortunate side effect. Your common room wasn’t an option too because it’s a shared dormitory and the Ravenclaw tower was simply too far. Hell, this was one of the worst situations you could ever find yourself in, and there was absolutely no way Ominis would agree to this madness. 

Honestly, you just wanted to stay in a more secluded place to wait for the effects to die out. However, you had no idea where to go and you were desperate enough to ask even Ominis himself.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when he stood up and leaned towards you, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look up at his misty blue eyes while his other hand rested on the table surface behind you to support his weight.

“Are you sure you want me to do it?” he breathed. You blushed at the question, your sobs slowly quieting down as you drank the sight of him under the cold moonlight peering from the arched windows.

He was so frustratingly beautiful. So fucking ethereal.

“... Y-yes,” you gulped shakily. “P-please.”

Wait. Do what? What’s fucking happening? What the fuck did I agree on?!

He hummed in response, seemingly satisfied with your answer. 

“Hmm. Perhaps you do want to snog me after all,” he murmured before planting his lips against yours. Your eyelids fluttered shut as you instantly melted into the softness of his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck. He lifted you from your seat, making you sit on the table. However, the both of you were interrupted by the sound of heels clacking on the wooden floor. You and Ominis quickly got up, hiding behind one of the nearby bookcases.

Madam Scribner came up to the table, frowning. She grabbed the now haphazardly-placed reference books from the table, tutting about how irresponsible students are with handling books before walking off. 

You and Ominis remained still, listening intently at Madam Scribner’s now dying footsteps. As soon as the exit door was opened and then shut close, Ominis captured your lips once again, pushing you towards the nearest table. The both of you were frantically scrambling, attempting to remove each other’s cloaks while remaining in a passionate lip lock. You sat on the table as soon as you felt the edge of the table top hit the back of your thigh, spreading your legs apart to pull Ominis much closer to you. 

For some odd reason, having Ominis Gaunt right in between your legs felt so fucking right. Your head spun with lustful desire, taking in his addicting scent: a faint combination of patchouli, sandalwood and spearmint candy. He gave one of your breasts a firm squeeze while his tongue intruded your mouth, to which you gladly received by lightly suckling on the wet appendage, earning a groan from him. Ominis ground his hips against yours instinctively, brushing his now visible erection against your still clothed privates. 

His lips then began trailing down from your lips to your jawline, latching itself on a sensitive spot at the crook of your neck. You mewled, teasingly trailing your feet along the back of his legs, finally locking your legs around his hips to further push himself harder against your heated core. His hands harshly gripped your ankles in response, your inner thighs quivering in anticipation as he deftly unclasped your Mary Janes. You kicked them off rather impatiently, slightly raising your hips up as Ominis reached underneath your skirt for the waistband of both your tights and knickers, slowly peeling the article of clothing off your legs.

“Bend over for me,” he growled against your ear, to which you happily complied as you leaned over the table while lifting your skirt up. You shuddered both in delight and relief as the cool air hit the skin of your warm lower regions. Ominis traced a finger on your exposed slit, groaning as globs of your honey-like essence coated his digit. 

“Merlin, you’re fucking soaked...” he moaned, inserting his finger inside your hole, earning a breathy gasp from you as your legs trembled in wanton delight. You felt your juices trickle down your legs as Ominis added another finger inside your core, pumping his digits in and out of you at an increasing speed. You whimpered, slapping your hand over your mouth at the brutality of his fingers. With how sensitive your body was, it wouldn’t take long until you had your sweet release. 

Much to your disappointment, Ominis retracted his fingers away from your heat, licking your juices off his fingers. He groaned at your sweet taste while you sobbed in frustration, swaying your rear as your legs trembled at the lack of stimulation. Ominis swiftly unbuttoned his pants, tugging on the waistband of his briefs to free his painfully erect shaft. You let out a surprised whimper upon feeling the blunt head of the thick appendage stroke itself against your weeping slit, lubricating itself before it dove right into your awaiting pussy with little to no resistance. Your back arched instinctively at the sudden intrusion as you gasped blissfully in sheer unadulterated pleasure.

“A-ah..! F-fuck yes! Mmph..!” you cried out. Ominis slapped a hand against your mouth while the other pinned one of your wrists against your lower back as he plowed his cock inside your pussy.  

“Best to keep it down, don’t you think? Wouldn’t want us to get caught now, do you?” he panted, thrusting deep and fast as you mindlessly moaned with absolutely no shame against his hand. He was right - there were enchanted portraits nearby, wandering ghosts, and prefects right outside the library after all. The thought of someone walking in at any minute made your walls clench, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the alabaster-skinned male as he relished in the spasms and flutters of your inner walls, his cock twitching in pleasure.

“Oh, you are absolutely vile!” he chuckled darkly, slowing himself down momentarily yet still thrusting as deep as he could. You swore your knees almost gave out as the tip of his cock kissed your cervix. 

“You’re quite the filthy little whore, aren’t you? It’s almost as if you want to get caught,” he mocked as your knees shook. You sobbed pathetically with pleasure-filled tears running down your face. He yanked your upper body closer to his, letting his hands wander shamelessly on your curves while peppering the column of your neck with bites and kisses. You blissfully sighed, intoxicated with all the sensations happening on your body all at once. Your bleary eyes widened as his cock brushed against a spot within your weeping hole, your mouth hanging ajar in a loud gasp which caused Ominis to smirk against your neck. He slammed your body back on the table, your breasts flat against the table surface as he aimed for the spot precisely with swift, merciless strokes.

Ominis was absolutely delirious as he listened to the debauched symphony of your helplessly submissive little yelps and moans, wet skin slapping against each other, the sound of the table rocking against the hardwood floors, his own erratic breathing and occasional groans whenever he felt your walls flutter around his swollen member. This was now his new guilty pleasure: reducing his normally put-together, top-achieving, goody-two-shoes of a classmate into nothing but a slut who’s hungry for only his cock. Something about that mere thought completely disintegrates his last remaining shred of principles and rationality in the moment as he mindlessly chased his high, sinful fantasies filling his presently depraved, pussy-drunk mind.

“F-fuck! I... I’m cumming! I’m cumming-!” you babbled as your walls clenched unbelievably tight around his cock, causing Ominis to hiss in pleasure as he pulled out of your quivering hole, pumping his member desperately as spurts of milky white semen landed on your labia. The both of you stilled for a moment, breathless and completely fucked-out.

Ominis quickly tucked his now softening member back into his pants and tidied himself up while you shakily got up from the poor table. You groaned, feeling a slight pain in between your legs as you conjured a clean cloth with your wand, wiping away any stray bodily fluids from your lower regions before vanishing the object away. Ominis leaned against the opposite bookshelf as you put your panties and tights back on, crossing his arms. You glanced at him as you sat on the table, clasping your shoes back on. He was still as pristine as ever, as if your recent activities had never even happened.

“Prefects should be gone by now. Will you be alright going back to your common room alone?” he asked. 

“I think so,” you replied, grimacing slightly at the dull throb of your worn-out hole. Ominis hummed, walking towards the staircase leading to the library exit with his wand up, the tip blinking its signature red light.

“Oh, and Gaunt?” 

“Yes?”

“Nothing happened here, alright?”

chapter 2: what a mess! 🔞 >

[nightlyrayne]

Wrote this as a birthday gift to my good friend. Happy Birthday Hannah!!! Hope you like it 😁

______________________

It was a few weeks after Elminster announced to Gale that Mystra would consider forgiveness if he used the orb to destroy the Absolute. The hunger the orb craved for, put to temporary rest with the help of the Weave. Gale had asked Mavil to meet him, confessing to her his long standing feelings. Over the course of their time traveling together, he had fallen deeply in love with her. Mavil had been ecstatic. Having wanted for him for just as long.

Now she lay beside him, resting inside his tent as he reads. His voice soothing as it speaks on stories of ancient magic and adventures of wizards. A mage hand turning the pages so his own hand could continue combing through her hair soothingly.

What a wonderful way to spend the night. Listening to his voice. Forgetting the dangers and worries that threatened them (especially Gale) ahead. Her arms wrapped around his body, lifting to rest her head on his leg.

"There were those that warned me against straying from the river, but I was out searching for an adventure. And where better than the 'Fields of the Dead'? Living in Baldur's Gate, one hears much about this grand, grassy plain, but one never visits. And for a place with such a desolate name, it is positively teeming with life! Well... perhaps not teeming, but there are honest farmers to be found there, and a large number of ravens. Alas, I had no time to venture near the huge hills (or 'barrows' as the locals call them), but I am told that ancient artefacts are all but bursting out of the ground. A fine spot for a little relic hunting." Gale's soothing voice came to a subtle stop and she could feel him move ever so slightly.

Soon after, Mavil heard the soft 'thud' of the book closing. She opened her eyes to look up at him with a pout. "Why did you stop reading?"

The wizard chuckled warmly, his brown eyes glinting in the candle light. "You can hardly blame me. I had thought slumber had taken you away. Snuggled so comfy and breathing so soft. Shall I keep reading then? Or can I lay with you so we might both allow sleep to take us?"

Mavil hummed, pretending to think it over. "I suppose you can lay down too." She said teasingly. Earning another chuckle from the brunette.

Gale waited for Mavil to move off his lap before scooting down to lay beside her. His arms immediately embraced her, pulling her plush against him. His face nuzzling into her hair, careful to not knock into her horns.

"We will reach Moonrise towers tomorrow. I know your feelings on me using the orb. But I hope you understand, if I need to, I will use it. I want you to be safe. Even if it means my end." He whispered softly to her. She squeezed him tightly, a deep frown on her face as she buried herself against him.

"I don't care what you say. I won't let you. I just got you. We've just come together. I'm not letting you leave me. Not now, not ever."

Gale gazed down at her, confliction in his eyes. How sweet her words were. How deep they sunk into his very heart and soul. How they made him rethink things. He held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. "Thank you, for loving me. For you, perhaps I'll try."

[amethysts-tavern]

This is a pseudo-true story, of course not about Gale, but someone who I thought completely out of my league at the time. I really enjoyed remembering this night.

_____________________

#14: Use a song.

“When you think I've loved you all I can

I'm gonna love you a little bit more”

-A Little Bit More, Dr. Hook

Camp is quiet tonight. Many of your companions have retired early. Just a few of you remain around the fire chatting about this and that, just enjoying each other’s company. You find yourself next to Gale, which delights you more than you’re willing to let on. He’s regaling you with tales of his travels, books he’s read, his antics in school. You are rapt with attention, staring into his eyes as he speaks to you just above a whisper. His tales tonight are just for you. You turn your body to lean in and face him, unintentionally shutting out the rest of your companions.

You’re not even sure how it happened, but his hand is in yours. You feel the weight of it resting in your lap while you trace the lines of his palm as he talks. Every so often a small whimper or sigh escapes his lips as you gently dance your fingertips over his palm. Something about tonight is special, whether it’s the wine or the connection between you two, you’re not entirely sure. 

The closeness between you two tonight is new. You’d been harboring these feelings for him for a while, but had dared not mention it to anyone, not sure how he felt about you. After all, his last lover had been a literal goddess. But here you are tonight, closer than close, sharing intimate details about love, life, and happiness. 

He mentions one of your favorite books as you talk. You didn’t know that he had enjoyed that genre or had even read that particular book and in that moment your heart beats just a bit faster for the wizard. I think I might just love him a little bit more, if that was even possible, you say to yourself.

But the evening has to come to an end at some point. Your companions have already started making their way back to their tents, leaving you alone with Gale to say good night.

“I really enjoyed our time together tonight,” you say softly, not sure how to draw to a close an evening that you really didn’t want to end.

“Me too,” Gale replies, his lack of words a first for him.

You open your arms to him for an embrace. He steps into you, placing his hands around the small of your back and drawing you near. And you hold there for a blessed moment. If anyone had been around to see, they might have thought it a bit too long for two who were just friends. He turns his head, mumbling something into the crook of your neck. You feel his soft lips kiss the sensitive skin of your neck, the warmth of his breath giving you goosebumps. You can feel the bristles of his beard on your exposed skin. Your head spins and your breath catches. Your heart takes a deep dive into your stomach at this simple touch.  

But alas, he takes a step back, catching your hands in his to give you a long, intense look. “Sweet dreams,” he says softly, a gentle smile on his lips. And he starts a slow walk back to his tent. Just before he disappears into the folds of the canvas, he glances back at you and beams.

[misguidedasgardian]

The Lifeaters (I.4)

IV. Pumpkins, mischief, and trolls

MASTERLIST

Chapter Summary: You were testing barriers

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, magical objects, Mugglephobia, injuries in Quidditch

Wordcount: 2.6 k

Notes: Here we go again muahaha This ofc isn’t getting enough traction and I get it… I really hope that it does later on because I'm really excited  :( 

You were in the astronomy tower with Blaise, Draco and Matthew, you had brought, as promised, your telescope and were trying to explain the homework to Matt, that was only mocking the boys and not paying attention, it was sort of frustrating

When he spoke to you, Draco quickly answered for you, or simply stood between the both of you, you didn’t understand why, but finally he managed to see the constellation he picked and wrote down some things in a parchment, and then it became late and you had to come back to the commonroom so you wouldn’t be caught after hours out of bed.

Blaise and Matthew walked in front of you, and you managed to grab Draco and pull him back, as soon as you were walking by his side you asked him, point blank

“Are you ashamed of me?”, you asked bluntly, he looked at you frowning, like that was the most stupid thing you had ever say

“Why would you think that?”, he snapped

“You never introduced me to your other friends”, you said quickly

“I did! you know Crabbe and Goyle”, he said easily

“But not Nott and Zabini”, you corrected, “Or Matthew”

“He is different”, he said, quickly, “I didn’t know it was so important”

“I feel like I’m an outsider”, you said

“YOU ARE NOT!”, he snapped

“Is it because we don’t know who my father was?”, you asked shyly

“We know he was one of the sacred 28 that is enough for me!”, he said back, yes actually that is the only thing you knew about him, him and the fact you didn't have any direct family like grandparents or uncle and aunts

“But still…”, you murmured

He had this guilty look on his face, after he told you you couldn’t borrow his racing broom he had at the manor, when he didn’t want to share but he felt guilty because it was you

“You are my best friend”, he said, as he was actually not only apologizing but giving an explanation. 

You decided to drop it, as you got to the common room and separated to go to your own rooms.

“Good night”, you said shyly

“Good night”, said Draco and Blaise as they walked towards their room, and Matthew just stood there and watched you go inside your room.

The very next day, you had defense against the dark arts, which you, by reading your book, thought it was going to be the most interesting class, but alas, you had Professor Quirrel

He wasn’t a bad teacher, but the way he spoke nervously, and stuttered a lot, made you nervous and it was hard to follow his instructions, and he always spoke sentences as questions, so you didn’t know if he was making a statement

But you did well in his class

And just like that, weeks went by and now you were enjoying the Hallowe'en feast, you loved Halloween, you loved to carve the pumpkins, and the candy, and you felt like it was the only day of the year in which wizards and witches could mingle in the muggleborn without being treated as weird

The muggles were the weird ones, you thought 

Anyways, tomorrow, the classes were suspended because of the holiday, and you were going to go to the pumpkin patch outside of Hargrid’s house to grab pumpkins to carve and bewitch. It was one of the few activities that were available for first and second years since you weren’t allowed to go to Hogsmeade, the little town near the castle grounds 

Draco did not want to go, under any circumstances to go near “Harry Potter’s best friend Hagrid”, but you did, so he was forced to accompany you and Millicent, who also showed interest

“I dare you to eat one of those”, mocked Mathhew to Draco, pointing at a bowl of magical gummy eyes, they were enchanted to look and move like real eyes, but they were made of gummy, but they give you the creeps because of how… wet… they looked

“No way!”, laugh Draco, “I’ll give you my next treat box if you eat one”, you giggled as you grabbed a huge black and orange lolly as a dessert

“TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!”, a scream interrupted everyone as professor Quirrel entered the great hall running desperately, “TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!”, he screamed again as he was running to the huge table where the teachers were, “I thought you should now!”, he said wobbly, and collapsed to the floor

You exchanged concerned looks with Draco and you both screamed at the top of your lungs in desperation alongside all of the students

A troll! They were huge, smelly and dangerous!

“SILENCE!”, Screamed Professor Dumbledore, “Everyone will please, not panic. Now, Prefects will lead their houses back to the dormitories. Teachers will follow me to the dungeons”, he concreted, and your own Prefect did his best, though you all pushed each other to exit the hall, considering that your common room was actually near the dungeons 

But you didn’t encounter any trolls on your way there, and then you were safe inside it.

The very next day, the only thing everyone was talking about, is how Potter single handedly defeated the mountain troll that sneaked into the school, Draco was frowning all day in the pumpkin patch until you brought the pumpkins back to the common room.

It was a fun afternoon, MIlicent and you had carved the pumpkins, and Umbra was perched on your chair, eating the seeds you had leftover, it was quite funny actually.

You carved a toothy grin on your pumpkin, with sharp eyes, it looked a bit diabolical, MIlicent opted for a more complacent face for hers.

“You have the spell?”, you asked, just when Draco came back accompanied by Blaise, Theo, Matthew, Greg, Vince, Pansy and Daphne

“What are you both doing?”, asked Theo, making you both blush, it was no secret that he was the cutest boy in your class

“Head full of seeds, a funny bloke, make this pumpkin talk and joke!”, she chanted pointing at her pumpkin with her wand, and in a second the pumpkin started moving its face

“Welll…. hello!”, he said with a sharp voice, you gasped, surprised, taking out your wand, when the pumpkin started to speak rapidly, looking all around 

“Wicked!”, muttered Crabb, and everyone grabbed a pumpkin and started carving 

“Head full of seeds, a funny bloke, make this pumpkin talk and joke!”, you repeated religiously, and surely enough, the face of your pumpkin started moving, showing you an even wider, more devilish smirk

“Hello little lady”

“Would you tell me a joke?”, you asked

“No… but I know some good ol’ limericks that might interest you”, you were concerned to say the least, “There was a professor at Hogwarts, who had a complete set of Rose Quartz, he cleaned them and used them, but then he stored his…”

“NO!”, you interrupted him, afraid he would say something naughty

Your friends made their own Pumpkins, and they they brought them to life

Let’s just say that didn’t end well, you learn like 20 naughty words, and the noise got so loud, Professor Snape quashed all your pumpkins because they started singing dirty songs and jokes who made all the people in the painting to go away embarrassed and upset 

That was very funny, you had never laughed so much in your life, to see Snape’s face 

You giggled when you remembered it 

The other thing you did while you had free time, is to search for the trophies in the common room, specially the ones of Quidditch, your house won a lot! you had to train A LOT this summer so next year you were going to be able to make it to the team, as it was yours and Draco’s dream.

Only one year the Slytherin team had won every year, and you manage to steal a picture of the yearbook 1978 of the library of it, and you managed to actually ask the prefect to see that year’s playbook, and studied the plays, which he found odd, but didn’t say anything

Speaking of Quidditch….

Today was your first Quidditch game! not as players but as spectators, much to Draco’s dismay and pouts 

Your first Quidditch Game! 

But you were excited nonetheless, you were going to play against Gryffindor, the best game of the year!, and you couldn’t wait, maybe Potter would fall of his broom

So you put on your favorite piece of clothing of the uniform, the thick wooden gray and emerald green scarf, you fixed your hair in a way that it wouldn’t bother your eyes, because it might be windy up there in the boxes, and you ran out of the girl’s rooms to meet Draco in the Common Room

Soon you were cheering up in the boxes when the Slytherin team show up first, obviously, and they started flying around the field

You and Draco and the rest of your year were all in attendance in the same box and cheered loudly for the team, they looked so cool! you loved the dark green and the capes flying behind them, you couldn’t wait to join the team next year! 

A boy Lee Jordan, from Gryffindor, was narrating the match, and you thought it was like watching a game between England and Bulgaria narrated by a Bulgarian, so… Madam Hooch, your teacher from the flying lessons, was refereeing, as she stood in the middle of the field.

She had her broom in her hand, and the players of both teams got together around her ina  circle, the seeked even higher from the ground. 

Soon she grabbed the Quaffle, and threw it into the air, starting the game. 

A girl from the Gryffindor teams snatched it pretty quickly, she was fast and you really admired that.

You found Quidditch really breathtaking, professional players were so quick and smooth, and this was proven to be no different, your first Hogwarts Quidditch match! wow.

"And the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor -- what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive, too --"

"JORDAN!"

"Sorry, Professor., giggled the narrator, "And she's really belting along up there, a neat pass to Alicia Spinnet, a good find of Oliver Wood's, last year only a reserve -- back to Johnson and -- no, the Slytherins have taken the Quaffle, Slytherin Captain Marcus Flint gains the Quaffle and off he goes -- Flint flying like an eagle up there -- he's going to sc- no, stopped by an excellent move by Gryffindor Keeper Wood and the Gryffindors take the Quaffle -- that's Chaser Katie Bell of Gryffindor there, nice dive around Flint, off up the field and -- OUCH -- that must have hurt, hit in the back of the head by a Bludger -- Quaffle taken by the Slytherins -- that's Adrian Pucey speeding off toward the goal posts, but he's blocked by a second Bludger -- sent his way by Fred or George Weasley, can't tell which -- nice play by the Gryffindor Beater, anyway, and Johnson back in possession of the Quaffle, a clear field ahead and off she goes -- she's really flying -- dodges a speeding Bludger -- the goal posts are ahead 149 -- come on, now, Angelina -- Keeper Bletchley dives -- misses -- GRYFFINDORS SCORE!" 

How could he breathe? you wondered 

The Gryffindors cheered loudly, luckily they were on the other side of the field, they were so annoying.

You saw both seekers, Potter and Higgs, flying above them all, watching carefully their surroundings for the sneakiest of the balls, the golden snitch

you looked back to the field and to your joy, your captain Marcus Flint took hold of the Quaffle, as he evaded a Bludger throw at him by one of the Weasley Twins

The father of the Weasleys had been to your house in the name of the ministry, searching for strange artifacts; your grandfather had to come all the way from France to recover dear artifacts that were family treasures. He was so upset it required weeks to convince him to let you stay in England.

But anyways, back to the game in question….

"Slytherin in possession," Lee Jordan was saying, "Chaser Pucey ducks two Bludgers, two Weasleys, and Chaser Bell, and speeds toward the -- wait a moment -- was that the Snitch?"

The game seemed to stop as Pucey dropped the quaffle as he looked over his shoulders at the golden dop flying furiously and randomly.

Slytherin’s seeker darted towards it, faster that you had ever seen, and Potter too.

He had a Nimbus, and that gave him clear advantage.

A professor had given him that broom, was that even fair? You shook your head trying o wipe those thoughts out of your mind, and then… Flint scored for Slytherin

The entire box and the one next to it exploded in cheers and chants 

Flint was waiting for a pass from Pucey, intercepting Harry and he got himself an infraction for interfering, you growled in frustration 

The bludgers started to take more stage, flying more furiously as Gryffindor took possession again and the game became quicker and even more violent, of course the Slytherin were on edge because of the skills of Harry, which surprised everyone as it was his very first game

And then, loud gasps and shouts took everyone’s attention to Potter. When you managed to spot him, he was flying frantically, it seemed like he had lost control of his broom! you wanted to laugh, his broom was failing him! but then you gasped when he almost fell from it, barely hanging on with one of his hands, he was too high in the air! he could really harm himself if he falls

“What's happening to Potter?”, asked Zabini

“Too much broom for such a little Git”, mocked Draco and everyone laughed 

He started zigzagging in the air and everyone saw it, screaming and gasping, the Gryffindors asking for a timeout

But when Madame Hooch did anything to prevent it, the game kept going, Slytherin had taken possession again and 

You were winning! with 90 points and Gryffindor by 30, it was so exciting! you were wondering if they could manage to make more points that the snitch was worth, as you saw Terence HIggs and he was flying randomly, clearly he didn’t have the snitch on sight

You turned back to look at Potter and he seemed to have regain balance and control of his broom

You couldn’t believe that barely weeks ago he didn’t even know what Quidditch was and now he was playing for Seeker in Gryffindor

The snitch apparently showed itself to Potter, as he and even Terence spotted and started chasing it quickly 

They both were pretty high in the air and darted downwards towards the ground quickly, HIggs stopped but Potter kept going, his arm in the air ready to catch it. 

He fell to the ground, and he looked like he was going to be sick and then, to everyone’s surprise, he coughed up the snitch. 

"I've got the Snitch!" he shouted, waving it above his head

Nobody really knew what was going on

"He didn't catch it, he nearly swallowed it", your captain fought hard for the “win” to be dismissed, but the win was proclaimed and there was no turning back

Draco, instead of sad because we lost, he had that face that told you he was cooking up a plan

“The team is there, we need a better seeker”, and he was going to be that seeker next year

You smiled back at him

We still had two more games to watch, against Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff

You still had chances to win the Quidditch cup

[leastdatablebracket]

ROUND 4, MATCH 2

Propaganda under the cut!

Shuu Iwamine

Propaganda

This damn partridge kills you CONSTANTLY, regardless if you romance him or not. One of them is literally at the START of the school year, he beheads you then uses your head to pilot this grotesque horror movie android thing! Completely unprompted, you can just die immediately! Horrible school doctor material, even worse boyfriend material, but alas, he's my favorite character.

[hatobf spoilers and also gore / violence kind of ?] he literally kills the mc in both of his endings, and in the true route he uses her best friend to kill her . and chops her body up and puts them in boxes to his student . and he puts her brain in a strange scarecrow machine . its insane hes so undateable man <//3

Decapitates protagonist and puts her head in a jar. Kills multiple other characters. Just generally an unpleasant person . My favorite character btw

He hates your species, sees you more as a science experiment than a romantic partner, and also kills you in his ending. Plus he has just, the worst attitude about the whole thing.

Bad End with him the government takes you out. "Good" end with him he cuts off your head, sticks it in a jar, and talks to it while on the run from the government. (Spoilers for hatoful BBL) True End of the whole game that ties up all the characters' stories, he kills you again but this time sends your head to your childhood best friend and takes your brain out to make basically robo-frankenstein. Was also an adult when the MC was a young child, and is the school nurse at MC's high-school. He's also a partridge. 

Literal birderer (bird murderer) 

It also turns out the (unrequited?) love of his life was the father of the MC's childhood friend. AND HE DOESN'T PULL ANY OF THIS SHIT WITH HIM. HE EVEN BECOMES A SLIGHTLY BETTER PERSON FOR HIM IN HOLIDAY STAR. It even turns out that everything thing he did in the true route of Hatoful Boyfriend was to fulfill a promise he made to that man on his deathbed (ALTHOUGHT RYOUTA'S FATHER NEVER ASKS HIM TO COMMIT ANY MURDERS, FATBIRD JUST THINKS MURDERS ARE A GREAT SOLUTION TO MANY PROBLEMS). So like, he's not just a murderous sadistic partridge who is also kind of a dick. He could not be one. Just NOT FOR YOU. OR ANYONE ELSE. JUST THIS ONE SPECIFIC PIGEON.

Solas

Propaganda

He believes all mortal beings deserve to die. He is bald but in a very unsexy way. He exudes zero chemistry and talking to him about romance is like talking to a boiled egg. 

Described by major media as "elf hitler," he dumps you to destroy the world

He is a smelly know it all, and that's before you find out he is a deity in disguise who caused the rift you spend the game trying to fix in the first place and he betrayed you and chopped off your hand

Breaks up with you, disappears without saying anything, plans to destroy the world

Look. I’ll admit I have not personally romanced solas. I am baffled that anyone would WANT to romance solas. I know we all love a waify little elf wizard with questionable motivations but jfc look at him like im trying not to say anything demeaning about bald dudes but he does not wear it well. Also iirc you can only romance him if you’re also an elf and then he’s weirdly rude and dismissive if your character is Into Elf Culture. Look im a huge lesbian but Iron Bull is RIGHT FUCKING THERE why would you do this.

[weirdraccoon]

Yay! That’ll be a great way to end my day😁 I’m looking forward to reading it and thank you again so so much!

My two free hours became my boss's free hours (first coaching and gossiping and then more gossiping and scolding haha xd)

Anyway, as promised, a fic ready by the end of the day: crack treated seriously I guess. Fig catching MC and Sebastian in her bed.

Eleazar hummed as he made his way into his flat. It was small and cozy, perfect for him and Miriam while she was alive. They’d planned on moving to a bigger apartment or even a house in a magical community once they had children but, alas, between their different researches and experiments, they never got around to it.

At least not while Miriam was alive. Eleazar was one hundred percent sure she would have loved the little rascal he took in right after she passed on.

That, or she would’ve been able to keep the reckless Gryffindor in check.

Emilia Seabaugh, or Em-Sea for short, was as Gryffindor as they come: stubborn, brave, reckless, and a complete troublemaker. Eleazar didn’t know if he had as many white hairs before meeting her or if she was the reason for most of them.

Even tho, he had to admit he was so very proud of her. Refusing to absorb the power of the repository, claiming she’d tell her friends once she felt everyone was ready and they’d look for a way to destroy it. He had feared, at first, that she had been tempted, however, she only used it to heal him of his most serious injuries before sealing it and calling for help. Good thing the rest of the teachers were nearby, he didn’t know if he could’ve lived with himself if he had died in her arms.

He entered the apartment to be greeted by the clear sounds of intimacy coming from her hallway.

“Maybe I should’ve died after all,” he muttered to himself,

He sent a longing look to his own room before marching down the short hallway to her door.

“Not even a muffling charm,” he tsked, then knocked loudly on the door. “Em-Sea! I hope you used an alohomora ward 'cause I’m about to push this door open!”

“Shit,” Em-Sea’s voice echoed from inside. “Wait!”

Eleazar didn’t wait. He pushed the door open and had to close his eyes for a second to gather his wits. He took a deep breath. They were old enough to know what they were doing and old enough to use the necessary precautions that needed to be used.

“Mr. Sallow,” he greeted, opening his eyes, glad that they had the mind to pull the covers to hide themselves. “Nice to see you survived a week after graduation.”

“Professor Fig,” Sebastian stammered with a high-pitched voice. “Hi.”

“Eli!” Em-Sea exclaimed. “Weren’t you coming back next week? How was Godric’s Hollow?”

Eleazar stared her down. The Gryffindor girl stared back, although she did blush a little.

“I’ll wait in the living room, al right? You have one minute to come out,” he stated and walked out, leaving the door open.

“He’s going to kill me,” he heard Sebastian’s voice say. “Oh my god, I’m dead. I can’t believe I only made it one week out of the castle!”

“Shush, Sebastian,” Em-Sea used the tone she usually used when rolling her eyes. “He’s not going to kill you. Not here at least.”

“Forty seconds!” He called and he could hear them fumbling out of the bed and into some clothes. “So, they can follow instructions.”

Both young adults came out looking sheepish and still a little flushed on the face. Eleazar only smirked. His girl might be a grown-up now but he was still his responsibility and the wizarding world would be exposed before he let her (or the boy currently hiding behind her) fool around without making sure they were prepared for consequences.

Like getting caught by a parental figure and then threatened. He couldn’t wait to show Aesop the memory in a pensive.

"Mr. Sallow, do you know how to brew a contraceptive potion?" Eleazar asked as soon as they were in the living area.

"Yes, sir, of course," Sebastian nodded.

"I know how to brew it, too," Em-Sea rolled her eyes.

"I know you know, cupcake," Eleazar offered a shit-eating grin when he saw her face. Oh, how she hated it when he called her pet names. Was she like that when Sallow called her pet names too? "Anyway, could I have a few words with Mr. Sallow? Go get his backpack, I saw it at the feet of your bed."

Sebastian sent her a puppy-eyed look, begging her to stay, asking to stay, who knew? Eleazar was tired and was in no mood for sleepovers.

"Sebastian, Sebastian," Eleazar paced in front of the young man. "You know I love Em-Sea like my own child, right? We have a bond, Sebastian, one that makes me want to protect her from the world itself," Sebastian only nodded. "However, I know I can't protect her from the world, especially seeing how she looks for trouble in every corner," Sebastian wasn't fast enough to hide the smirk that formed on his face. Eleazar stepped closed, voice lower, and magic crackling around them. "What I can do, though, is protect her from boys like you. If she ends up hurt, injured, or even pregnant before she planned it, I will have your head and the Headless Hunt will gain a new member."

Sebastian gulped, wide-eyed and a little pale.

"I understand, sir," he said. "I swear on my magic I won't ever hurt her on purpose and I will be careful- we will be careful."

Eleazar glared into brown eyes for a second, simply enjoying the thrill of shovel-talking someone. Then he nodded and took a step back.

"See that you do," he said. "And I'm sorry but the flat is not big enough to hold sleepovers. I'm sure you'll find somewhere to stay."

"Will you?" Em-Sea asked worriedly, returning with Sebastian's bag.

"Yeah, I'll just crash with Ominis," he smiled. "Talk later?"

"Yeah," Em-Sea promised and she and Eleazar saw him leave through the front door before apparating away. "You suck."

"From what I saw, you suck," Eleazar chuckled, shaking his head.

"Ugh!" Em-Sea turned on her heel and proceeded to her room.

"If you show me a month's worth of the potion and a good wand work of the spell I promise I won't tease you," Eleazar called, "too much," he added.

"I'm moving out!" She replied dramatically. "You'll never see me again!"

"I certainly hope so!" Eleazar laughed, holding back laughing tears. "I already saw too much of you, Em-Sea! Way more than I expected to see. And of Sallow too. I'm so glad you're not my students anymore. Classes would've been so awkward!"

Em-Sea slammed the door shut, but Eleazar could hear her snort before the door closed behind her. She was not really mad. She was probably finishing business in there.

Still laughing, Eleazar turned to his room. He kinda missed being that age.