#aka asshat

[theswedishpajas]

Enjoying the game I was gifted for christmas

[randomnameless]

Fighting mercenaries is one thing, but going against Sir Alois just feels wrong. He's so good-natured, and his terrible jokes always make people laugh. Well, at least a few of the knights got a kick out of them. Anyway, we all thought he was a swell guy. I can't believe things have turned out this way.  

(From a KoS in chapter 12 of AG)

I know random, I know :(

I too can’t believe things have turned out this way, but KT thought “Jerry <3″ was Alois’s only character, erasing everything else, and here goes.

But I still like how this random knight, even if Alois is their enemy and nothing more than a foolish merc, is still a “Sir” and appreciated for what he did during his tenure at Garreg Mach.

Pour one for Billy’n’Alois, they need to be removed from Jerry’s influence to develop lol

[starberry-cupcake]

I'm back! Thank you so much for your patience and your kind messages and comments ♥ you are so nice about my silly ramblings, I appreciate it a lot.

previously, on harrowsoup the ninth:

this happened

also I posted this and this as previews and this is the whole tag

currently, chapters 23-26:

"an atmosphere of greater unease had settled over the mithraeum"

aka the emperor's bolthole

btw, no kidding, harrow, I hadn't noticed the unease

so, harrow asks around about the herald situation

I have another deck with dragon heralds but I'm not gonna go on a card tangent this time (you're welcome)

everyone gives terrible and useless descriptions

emperor johnny boy says "Whenever they come I am bundled off to a sealed sanctum at the heart of the Mitrhaeum, so that their insanity can't touch me"

asshole coward awful man

harrobean is trying to ask why emperor asshat is so sure about her having to die and if there's no way she can make it

emperor johnny says yandere twin isn't that good at being a lyctor yet, even if she's surprising and that if he was still giving silly names, he'd name her "Saint of Awe"

harrow thinks "that had not quite suited Naberius"

get perpetually owned, chad

harrow also mentions not being able to remember things well

YOU THINK, HARROW?

"it was as though your brain had formed a scab over everything that had happened to you"

I don't think that scab is healing well

emperor johnny insists on the rapier

idk why they all insist on the rapier

gideon and camilla didn't like it and were the fucking best cavaliers ever

ARE, THEY ARE THE BEST CAVALIERS EVER

PRESENT TENSE

but anyway, at this point, it could very well be emperor johnbro has aesthetic demands

not like he'll explain anything

harrowbean sees not!dulcinea's door closed, which isn't usual

she second guesses a bit because she can't always trust what she sees and she remembers crux saying "you saw what you saw, Lady, and the only thing you control now is your reaction thereto"

I didn't like that old man, but that's pretty cool of him to say

harrow opens the door and sees this

alleged gideon the first aka ortus tells harrow to go away very calmly and in a way that is too nice for him, apparently

harrow is upset at the display in front of her salad and goes to complain to yandere twin

which is a terrible place to complain at because she's both into gossip and into kink

if you want someone to take this seriously, that's the last place to go to

"at least you know who's been moving her—so to speak"

this is what we get combining yandere twin and chad

I've used that gif twice for her already

I forgive her, though, because she says "god is a dickhead" and she's right

she also asks harrow to try to remember why emperor john god has given her the sword

and establishes that harrow previously did something to her jaw so that she couldn't tell her

that's going in the 3d model

CHAPTER 24

apparently people are being less mean to harrowbean because they're already mourning her

harrow says that alleged gideon the first aka ortus has the name ortus because "it was just a banal and uncomfortable coincidence, as though he'd carried the name of a dead childhood pet"

she believes that the name must have caught on in the ninth because anastasia must have like brought it in and named people after her pal

I think he's named gideon

and that our gideon is named after him because of direct relationship of some capacity, maybe to someone involved

I considered the mom, but it's uncertain

in any case, he has to die

so, harrow puts a lot of wards and safety things in her room

kind of like this

home alone styling it

but apparently alleged gideon the first aka ortus can bypass wards

much like the sleeper/waker

much like not!dulcinea

wards are basically pointless, I guess, at this point

so he goes into her bathroom when she's bathing because here in the emperor's bolthole, everyone's a disrespectful asshole

harrowbean says he's "a thanergy void" and "the ultimate nemesis of a bone adept"

he tries to kill her while she's looking like this

I want to give this child some cocoa and play a comfort movie for her, like "the bone collector"

she ended up using the teeth she lost in the fight as projectiles in his eyes and got him to leave

she ended up bloody, unmoving, wet, naked and collapsed on the ground to which yandere twin live reacted to and left

she could have given her a hand

or an arm

she decided alleged gideon had to die and ice cube barbie aka probably annabel lee agreed

when gideon was among us, there was not enough time for her to throw hands at people and here there's so many people she could be throwing hands at and she's not here to do so

camilla too, but camilla threw hands at martita in a way that was legendary enough

CHAPTER 25

harrow goes with the chisme to dr reverend professor emperor john

she says "I swear by the Locked Tomb"

to which he replies "I wouldn't swear by that in this instance"

which I sure hope doesn't mean anything nasty with my girl ice cube barbie annabel lee because I'm gonna kill this man

she might not be entirely alive (maybe she is, maybe she's just suspended or something) but she deserves better than this piece of work

then he says "well, that's unfortunate"

this man really knows how to handle a situation, huh

emperor john says that it's pretty unlikely that alleged gideon the first aka ortus was doing the dirty with not!dulcinea because he never showed interest before and is "legendarily unamorous"

that's another tshirt I need

I need that one and the witch one immediately

also, now we've got a problem

not just because my telenovela about how this man might or might not be related to our gideon got more convoluted

but also because if alleged gideon is aroace, I'm gonna have to stan

I don't make the rules over here, I have to stand by my people

I have a conflict of interest now

emperor john also says "you must think us all a depraved set of immortal criminals"

I mean yes, I do, but not because of sexy times with zombies

I'm not here to judge the sexytimes of necromancers and whatever they do in their spare time

I don't know the intricacies of consent with ghosts or whatever, I can't be imparting judgment

it's not that, emperor john

it's because you're unpleasant war criminals who are killing planets for fun

well, the war criminal part I don't have hard evidence on rn but the situation doesn't seem to be in the favor of these people

I feel like when this man talks about the overall situation I'm getting a speech from emperor palpatine

emperor reverend john asks harrow, who has been awake for 25 years, to go to sleep

yeah, sure, she should go to sleep and wait for this guy to come by and try to kill her for the millionth time

meanwhile, harrowbean keeps collecting hours without sleep like

she makes, at the request of emperor camp counselor john, soup for everyone

I don't remember if it was here or before and I forgot but, this is extremely important

they mentioned cassiopeia being the one who cooked before

cassiopeia the same one with the ceramics collection, if I'm remembering correctly

cassiopeia who was also from the sixth, I think

camilla's house

she's checking every single one of my boxes like a sniper

why isn't she here, we're stuck with the grumpy one and the senior chad

ANYWAY, at the mention of harrow cooking I thought, immediately, "that's an awesome way to kill this guy"

I was picturing more like a poison type situation, although I didn't know how that could be achieved

something like this

but I should have known poison was too subtle for harrowcita

like I established back when protozoa's head was found in her closet, subtle isn't harrow's style

so it was more like this

basically, harrow sectioned her tibia to put some in the soup and then she could necrobend it so that it attacked from the inside

if I'm getting it right

insane plan and I love it

emperor john shadyman says "ten thousand years since I've eaten human being, Harrow, and I didn't really want an encore."

were they snacking on people during the Resurrection???

did they kill people by making lunch?????

???????????????????????????????????????????

"you think we're bad because we have sexy times with ghoulies?? uwu" that's the least of my concerns johnny john man

harrow then breaks down and asks straight to his face WHY THE FUCK MUST SHE SUFFER LIKE THIS

she calls herself a nonsense

the only nonsense here is what this emperor man speaks

she tells him she hasn't slept in six days

for a sleep deprived plan, it was excellent tbh

emperor man over here asks yandere twin to take her to sleep

and then stays with mercygirl to whom he says it's insane that harrow could do what she did and how did mercygirl miss that

this is the situation, as I have previously established

augustine looks at harrow "as if he had seen the ghost of someone he did not particularly like"

alleged gideon the first aka ortus salutes her on her way out

he doesn't even have heartburn

CHAPTER 26

we're back on gideon-less canaan house because it's time for more people to die

in ways that make 0 sense at all for what we know so far

regina george twin is pushed to her death by mayonnaise uncle

sounds fake to me

like, come on

regina george twin can probably murder that feeble guy on sight

we saw her spar with gideon, she wanted to be the cav that chad ended up being

she might not be a necro but she can stand her ground in a physical fight

mayonnaise uncle without duracell bunny nephew is like a sweaty guy on an anime con complaining about girls ruining everything while buying a maid figurine

she can take him

anyway, he does that and he says to her "and somewhere out there, may all the blood of your blood suffer even a fraction of what I have suffered"

now, this is weird

is he talking about yandere twin?

he wants revenge because yandere twin obliterated him?

is yandere twin "out there"?

I'd say this might be limbo BUT CAMILLA ISN'T DEAD

harrow is going to him and he says "she has not remembered her end" "is this how it happens then?"

and then he yeeted himself into space

that's what I wanted to do with not!dulcinea all along

so, yeah, well, this canaan business is getting more complicated now that it's not just people being shot

people are throwing themselves and others into space

and the memories of harrow in the emperor's bolthole aren't completely lining up with these

and mayonnaise uncle seemed to have been more aware of things than others around here?? or maybe just more forthcoming??? in that cryptic otaku way of his

also, no camilla at all still

Things are heating up in the emperor's bolthole, hope to come back soon with another one and thanks for the patience, hope it was worth it.

[pettytiredandjewish]

Y’all the fact that people are throwing hate at the ‘stand up to jewish hate’ newest commercial is- honestly not surprising anymore. I’ve read through some of the hate posts aka antisemitic posts because that’s what they are- full blown antisemitic (people are starting to go fully unmasked now) and it’s just fucking sick.

The commercial was fucking aired so that it could bring awareness that your silence on the rise of Jewish hate is causing so much problems. People are getting harassed and hurt and in some cases, k*lled, because of your silence and ignorance. Antisemitic crimes are rising rapidly all over the world.

It’s fucking scary. I have to be more alert about my surroundings and I have to be cautious when I’m around people. Every time I have to walk to work, I have to keep an eye out to see if those little asshats are tagging any nazi symbols onto buildings or light poles etc. Any time I go outside I have to tuck my Star of David necklace in my shirt, for my protection.

I have to deal with dirty glares and snide comments from people whenever they see my Star of David necklaces, my kippah, and or tichel. I had to end friendships because of the pro Hamas propaganda and antisemitic crap they were sharing on social media. Heck the amount antisemitism on this hellsite is just insane.

I shouldn’t have to worry about this shit every time I go out but yet here we are. And I have a bad feeling that it’s gonna get worst. One of the reasons it’s gonna get worst is because of your silence. Y’all will literally look the other way or even harass people who has been dealing with antisemitic shit- your response to antisemitism (the denial, the harassment, the silence) is the reason why jewish hate has been rising rapidly and going unchecked.

It’s why a fucking commercial about antisemitism had to be aired- because of you little asshats. So to those who are still in fucking denial about antisemitism or to those who have gone fully unmasked- (there is so many things I would like to say, but I’ll be nice) go kindly f-off.

And a reminder- this commercial literally has nothing to do with the I/p conflict. So stop bringing it up. This commercial is to help people be aware that their silence and ignorance is why Jewish hate has been on the rise.

To those who are wondering who I’m addressing this to - you know who you are and I don’t care if you don’t like what i said. I could literally give zero fucks at this point.

✡️

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere Deadpool Headcanons: I "FULLY SUPPORT" THIS (RUN!!!) (Marvel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am The Yandere Specialist and no I am not being held hostage by Deadpool to make sure that you become his darling, I am not in danger at all!!! Hehehe! Anyway, let me sell you on why Deadpool is the right man for you! Now let's do this, enjoy it!]  (Side Note This was multiple Traits of Deadpool From Various Deadpools Across the Multiverse and Media) 

(Disclaimer: Deadpool is not yandere in canon, and he is such a great guy in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters, and yanderes, and Deadpool, but mainly Deadpool, is fine. Just do not be illegal or gross about it, You know who you are! You Dirty Flaky Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life, but Deadpool is an ideal partner in real life. Remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)  -Base Yandere Headcanons With Deadpool From Movies Mainly!- 

.Deadpool is a very good man, he is good with kids and he is very sweet.  .He is also very good in bed.  (Come on Wade this is going to get me canceled... Fine...) 

.He also would be willing to do almost anything with you in the bedroom. 

.He fell for you right away and he knew that he wanted you as his partner, for you to be his one and only. 

.Deadpool is also Pansexual in Canon! He does not care what parts you have, what you were born as, or what gender you feel you are!  .He adores you and will have you as his and his alone he will make sure of that! 

.Of course, he would be the best husband you could ever ask for and make you tons of chimichangas.  .This man would kill for you that is a fact (SMACK) BUT it is for your own protection of course. 

(you did not have to hit me you jerk)  .He is the type of yandere that is going to deal with rivals by first trying to get them to leave you alone, maybe with a few minor gunshot wounds and threats to their life. 

.If They do not back off he will shoot them in either the tit and or crouch.  .He is going to make sure that they screwed the pooch when they tried to take you from him, he will not regret doing it either. 

.He would probably make them regret ever even looking at you. 

.He would mock them for even thinking of trying to be with you. 

.He is going to mocl his rivals one hundred percent. 

.He also can bend and break the fourth wall... Which he may or may not be doing right now and influencing these headcanons. 

(OW! I said he may or MAY NOT! ASSHAT)  .He is a very sweet man for the most part, but oh, oh boy is he possessive and protective. 

.If anyone was to hurt you, the love of his life. He would make sure that every single one of them was dead, including him. 

.He would not be able to kill himself though so if you did die he would find a way to bring you back somehow, because he just would, don't ask questions. 

(Yes, Wade! I know that is just lazy writing to say just because! Who is the author/content creator here!? Yeah that is right, me so hush up!) 

.Now where were we? Ah Yes, Deadpool would also be the most chaotic Yandere ever. 

.He would never hurt you, but he would hurt rivals and such. 

.This bro has no chill as a yandere. 

.He would be the type to break rivals's bones on a wimb. 

.Not to mention mess with them. 

.He is going to be the type to make sure no one fucks around because they would for sure find out. 

.He is the yandere that would go to such lengths to have a long life with you, even risking his life. 

(Do not question the logic, Wade, you are legit insane!) .He would confess to you in a cheesy but romantic way, and also it would not fully be planned. 

.Not all the time at least. He would have a higher chance to do it on an impulse with a candy pop ring. 

.Which is kind of sweet if you ask me. You have to love Wade aka the Deadpool man.  (Yes, Wade, I love you no shush, do not make this weird) ..He also would want to have a family with you. If you have a uterus be ready for a good impregnation. 

.And if you have no uterus or you do not want to carry a pregnancy. You can expect him to come home with a baby. 

.Where did he get the baby? 

.He won't tell you! He won't tell me! There is just going to be one random ass baby in your home and you will be a mama a daddy or a zazzeh (like daddy but with Z another gender-neutral term Zazzah like a mama with Z) Depending on what you want to be called, but you will be a parent.  .And by the slight chance that you did not want kids, he is going to get a Landshark for you to have as your Landshark baby. 

(Which Deadpool agrees that is the superior choice and I mean he is not wrong! Landshark baby is the best baby) 

.If you accept his love, he will be over the room and you can count on doing the devil tango right then and there. 

(Wade I hope you did not propose to them in public... I am not held responsible for your indecent exposure to (Name) OR THE OBSCENE PDA YOU TWO DO!!!) 

.If you turned him down? He would throw said ring pop over his shoulder, and act like he was messing with you. 

.But he is not going to give up. 

.He is not going to kidnap you, but he is going to start stalking you (which he already did, Wade said I may have forgotten to mention that he has been stal- OW Okay okay... Watching over you!) 

.So he would increase watching over you. To see where he went wrong. 

.He would also be interrogating so many of your friends and family. 

.To see if you were seeing someone else or if someone was blackmailing you, he is doing his best to watch over you all the time. 

.So that he can get rid of anyone who is hurting you. (DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT HE IS TRYING TO GET RID OF HIS RIVA- OW OW OW OK Ok! OK! I will drop it!) 

.In the end, he is one of the better- (Okay Wade, you don't have to point a gun at me) one of the BEST Yanderes to have. 

I fully support you ending up with Wade and saying yes to his love!  .You two are meant to be and would be very happy together, trust me (NO RUN MUFFIN RUN!)  [YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, Another this chapter is done! I hope that you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins! 

[everybodyshusband]

per aspera ad inferi ; chapter five

[aka: the university ghouls fic]

aeon, aeon/rain (kind of)

explicit | other | 3.7k words (15.6k in total) | alternate universe (university), masturbation, fantasies, pining, aeon is so down bad

this chapter would not have happened without @divine-misfortune giving me an entire fucking outline to follow so thank you thank you thank you void sdfjnksdf also: @ghoultrifle and @arkeusruin tags, come get your uni ghouls !!!

snippet and ao3 link under the cut !!

Aeon returns from the scavenger hunt exhausted. Simply pushing the door to his dorm open and lifting his aching leg to step over the threshold feels like a monumental task. He bypasses everything, leaving his shoes and backpack on as he faceplants onto his bed, huffing out a sigh of relief as he gives his feet and back some respite.

From somewhere in the room—presumably his desk or his bed—Dewdrop chuckles at him. “You tired?”

Aeon groans, the sound muffled by his bedspread.

Dewdrop snorts. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

“My entire body hurts,” Aeon complains, wondering faintly if Dewdrop can even hear anything he’s saying through the fluff of his pillow.

“Ah, the wonders of the first year scavenger hunt,” Dewdrop reminisces. “I don’t miss that shit at all.”

Aeon grabs his other pillow and throws it in the direction of Dewdrop’s voice, so far beyond tired and sore that he doesn’t care if it’s impolite. “Stop taunting me, I’m dying.”

“Aw, kid, it’s alright,” Dewdrop soothes, and Aeon startles when he feels his roommate’s hand rest gently on his shoulder. The pillow he threw at him gets placed next to his head and Aeon rolls over to see Dewdrop staring down at him with an expression full of pity, but that doesn’t stop Aeon from noticing the small smile quirking at the corner of Dewdrop’s lips as he fully takes in Aeon’s predicament.

“I’m one year younger than you, asshat,” he groans, sitting up to sling the backpack off of his shoulders and drop it on the ground. “I’m not a kid.”

Dewdrop suppresses a laugh, which Aeon quickly discovers is a preemptive one in preparation for a truly terrible joke that his roommate is about to impart onto him. “Feisty little baby child,” he patronises, patting Aeon on the head and pouting as he makes eye contact. Aeon glowers at him, but any malice behind the expression is tainted by his own suppressed laugh.

Is this what Rain meant when they said Dewdrop was capable of being a menace? Whether they were referring to this side of his roommate or not, Aeon can’t deny that he likes it. He knows the two of them have really only just met, but he wouldn’t have guessed that Dewdrop’s sense of humour would be like this at all. He’s fun.

They both bite back another round of chuckles as both their stomachs rumble, but Aeon’s laughter quickly fades out as he remembers that he has to move to get up and go to dinner.

Dewdrop, miraculously seeming to know exactly what Aeon is thinking, pipes up with an offer. “Do you want me to go down and bring you up some dinner?”

Aeon sighs, immediately tempted. He’s silent for a moment, weighing the benefit of not having to move versus the cost of putting the responsibility of his dinner on Dewdrop. He groans and stretches as he stands. “No, I s’pose I should head down. Thank you though.” He smiles appreciatively at his roommate and heads towards the door, opening it for him. “We can head down together though, if you want?”

[read the rest on ao3 !!]

[achaotichuman]

Okay okay okay, so the Vanserra brother's all have a toxic or unhealthy relationship with each other to some extent. It's only natural in the environment they live in, they never learned what a healthy family dynamic looks like, and they have been taught through the means of violence all their lives.

My point is, don't exclude Lucien from this.

The trope where there's one family memeber (aka Lucien) who just happen to be born perfect and was never at all influenced by the violence of his family house hold? Overused, overdone, boring, boooo, DJ play the next track I've heard this one already.

Buuuut, Lucien who is just like the rest of his brothers and purposefully took the time and made the extreme effort to break out of those habits and behaviors and began to heal from them? It adds flavor, it's adds complexity to his character, AND GUESS WHAT IT MAKES IT ANGSTIER.

Lucien as a young adult is at first an aristocratic asshat who is the life of the party, with many friends but really no true friends because he can't let any of them get to close to him. He acts like a typical asshole, and then he meets Jesminda. And no I am not about to say she 'fixed' him, what would have happened, is that he fell in love with her wild spirit, her personality, the way she didn't even bat an eyelash at him.

But Jesminda is never gonna go for him, because of who he is, who he projects himself to be. She tells him the day he learns to let his heart melt is the day she will marry him.

So, Lucien purposefully learns to be a better person, he leaves the behaviors he was taught as a child behind. He starts to heal from Beron's severe neglect and abuse. And when Jesminda notices he is genuinely making a a change, she helps him, they become friends before they become lovers. He opens up to her, and she to him.

And then his heart melts, and they both fall in love naturally.

Beron notices Lucien's change in behavior, has his brothers spy on him. Finds him with Jesminda, puts two and two together. And decides Jesminda is poisoning his son's mind, and has her executed. Under the guise she was trying to convince Lucien to rebel against the High lord.

Lucien is distraught, he runs to Spring. He swears up and down that never again, he is never opening up to another person again. And then he meets Tamlin, who shows him kindness, patience, and allows him space to heal, helps him to slowly get to his feet over many years.

Then once more, Lucien melts again. He finds himself better again, maybe better than before.

Then boom Amarantha. He swears he will hate the human girl that Tamlin is forced to take a bride.

And then he finds she has this wild spirit that almost mirrors who Jesminda was. And the cycle repeats.

Also also also.

I just want a scene where Lucien as a young adult sneaks into one of his brother's room when they're asleep and attempts to smother them.

Like,

Silas (Second eldest brother)- *Snoring* *Feels something on his face* "Wha- WHAT-"

Lucien- *Actively smothering him with a pillow* "Shhhhhhh it'll be over soon, shhhhhhhhhhhh."

Or Lucien holding a knife in a kitchen alone with Eris and just thinking 'It'd be soooo easy...'

STOP MAKING LUCIEN THE OUTLIER

HE WAS JUST AS CRAZY AS THE REST OF EM

[honey-beann]

Ruiner, Ruination (RK900 x Reader)

Chapter One: Naming Nines

Series Masterlist

Series Synopsis:

After Gavin Reed, the biggest asshat in the DPD refuses to work with the newest android detective, the only RK900 in existence, you find yourself being offered the opportunity in his stead. Post successful android revolution, with a very recently deviated android partner at your side, will the two of you gain the same level of success as Hank and Connor, or will your different manifestations of humanity, and all of the feelings that come along with it, get in the way?

AKA: Reader and Nines get partnered up and grow closer over a series of one-shots and random cases.

Will you become RK900's ruination?

Chapter Content Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,579

"Absolutely not!"

The sounds of shouting nearly made you groan as you slumped down further in your desk, trying to ignore the grown man throwing a temper tantrum clearly visible through the glass just a few yards in front of you.

"Sounds like Gavin found out about his new android partner, huh?"

Muttered one of your coworkers from behind you, and you lamented internally at all of the bitching you were going to be subjected to as a result of this mess. Having your desk situated just a few feet across from Detective Reed's meant having to hear all about his newest complaints and disagreements, even if you had absolutely no interest in them at all. Back when you were still considered a rookie just a year prior, you had hoped this had all been a test, and that you would soon be moved to a less bothersome location, but as time went on with no complaints from you, Fowler appeared to have decided that the arrangement worked just fine as a permanent fixture.

You were less than pleased.

Trying not to be as obvious in your staring as your coworkers, you placed your tablet in your lap, looking up from the blank screen every few seconds to watch Gavin push at some other expensive looking object, his eyes wild with an anger you had grown all too familiar with throughout your somewhat brief time here at the station. Needless to say, you were not a fan of Detective Reed and his childishness, and this extreme act of crazed rage only made you all the more aware of how ridiculous and dramatic he could be.

"All this over some android partner?"

You muttered under your breath, rolling your eyes before returning them down to the tablet in front of you, still blank as you tried to look as busy as possible despite your light work load.

Working in the android crimes unit alongside Lieutenant Anderson, Connor, and Detective Reed had been no walk in the park so far, especially not when the first two made such an incredible team. You and Gavin, on the other hand, had been urged to try your best for a few months, before it was ultimately decided that you both worked best on your own. Or, at least, that's what the amicable write up said. In reality, Reed had made it impossible to work with him over the course of just three months, and after that, you had outright refused a partnership. If you were supposed to receive any form of repercussions for this, they never came, and now, watching Gavin rant and rave through the glass of Fowler's office, you were pretty sure that you knew why.

How could anyone truly expect someone to work well with one of the biggest assholes in the entire city of Detroit?

Yourself and the rest of your coworkers watched on for a while, as Gavin continued to argue his case against a potential asset to his one man show of a team, rolling your eyes jointly at his dramatics until finally, Fowler put his head in his hands and exasperatedly motioned for your desk neighbor to leave. Begrudgingly, you watched as Reed did just that, grumbling something under his breath that had your boss glaring at his back as he exited the room.

Everything was quiet as Gavin approached the desk across from yours once more, and everyone tried to look as busy as possible despite the obvious lack of commotion within the usually busy police department.

You relished in that near silence for a few minutes, before suddenly, Fowler's angry voice sounded from just outside of his office door, his glare fixated on Gavin despite you being the only person he was talking to.

Damn, Gavin really had pissed him off, huh?

"Detective L/n!"

He shouted, and you swallowed thickly before standing at once, nodding in his direction to show that you were listening, At the sight of an actually obedient employee, Fowler seemed to calm a bit, although you noted that his hands were still clenched into fists as he spoke,

"How would you like your very own android partner?"

Shocked, you stared at your boss as if he had lost his mind, fighting the urge to ask him if he was sure he had the right person. You were just barely out of rookie status, nowhere near important enough to have earned an android of your own. But, then again, Gavin had blown it, and the unit needed more hands on experts, whether Gavin wanted to work with one them or not, so in the end, you were pretty much the only other option if they didn't want an android going about solving crimes alone.

Swallowing back your various questions and concerns in favor of simply answering the question at hand, you nodded once at your superior,

"It would be crazy of me to say no to an opportunity like that, sir."

You replied as cooly as possible, taking note of the way that Gavin sneered from his seat across from your own as he rolled his eyes at your words. He had called you a kiss ass since your arrival, but truthfully, you just knew when to use the right kind of language with the right kind of person, unlike the incredibly annoying detective you had been forced to call your partner just a few months back.

"Good. Glad to hear there's at least one sane person in the damn Android Crimes Unit."

He grumbled that last part before clearing his throat and speaking up once more,

"Your assigned model is an RK900, the only one in existence. It was originally created as a prototype advanced deviant hunter, but ever since it's... deviance a few months prior, along with the results of the android revolution, employment in a separate area started being considered. You will guide this android in your field work, and maintain a professional relationship with him regardless of your differences, do I make myself clear?"

Shocked to have heard Fowler address this in front of everyone rather than in a private meeting, you nodded quickly and eagerly in response to his words, watching as your boss signed in relief and ran his hand across his face.

"Good. The model was brought by for tuning and integration this morning. He should be by your desk promptly."

Shocked, you opened your mouth to reply, maybe even ask a few questions, but before you could Fowler had returned to his glass enclosure, picking his desk phone up and dialing a number quickly, his shoulders tense and eyebrows drawn together.

Maybe right now wasn't the best time for questions regarding your new android partner.

Sighing, you sat back down once more, trying not to look nervous as you stared back down at the blank tablet on your desk once again.

That is, until a voice, slightly familiar, and somehow also incredibly foreign to you spoke up from your right.

You yelped in response to the sudden sound, jumping in your chair and twisting around to all but gawk at the intimidating man who stood before you.

He looked incredibly similar to Connor, but somehow the slight differences made him seem like a completely different person, and you could tell by the cold expression on his face that they would in no way be sharing similar personalities. Where Connor Anderson, the RK800 model who had deviated nine months ago, was warm and friendly, always ready to ask about your day, this RK900 model was clearly cool and calculated, his gaze consistently disapproving no matter where or who it happened to fall upon.

And to be the subject of said disapproval? It made you shiver before you could even speak up, giving the android in front of you the opportunity to do so first.

"Hello Detective L/n. I am an RK900 prototype built for the purpose of tracking down and dismantling deviants such as my predecessor. That being said, my previous function has been rendered inconsequential due to my status as deviant, and therefore, I have gained employment here, alongside the RK800 model known to you as Connor, in order to support the DPD in the development of android crimes. I understand that you are to be my partner in this task, is this correct?"

You blinked, shocked at the robotic tone of the supposed deviant who stood before you. You stared for a moment, taking in the crisp white jacket that adorned the android's shoulders, and the blinking model number that could be seen on his chest. He was incredibly intimidating, several inches taller than Connor, and far less friendly. It was as if this android felt no reason at all to utilize it's social interaction protocols, and you couldn't help but wonder if that was yet another unexplored area of deviancy.

Slowly, as if unsure of your own actions, you reached your hand out to the android in front of you, clearing your throat as you did so, trying to shake your nerves and muster up the courage to speak.

"I look forward to working with you..."

You trailed off hesitantly, your heartbeat quickening as you felt the unfamiliar chill of the RK900's hand against your own, that gaze never leaving you as your hands interlocked, shaking in greeting slowly,

"Is there something wrong?"

The RK900 model in front of you asked slowly, his words clearly enunciated and incredibly probing as they passed the artificial pink skin of his lips.

"I, uh, I guess I don't know what to call you."

The android quirked it's head in curiosity before it seemed to understand your words, and nodded,

"Ah, yes, your RK800 model-"

"Connor"

You corrected immediately, knowing how much the android in question disliked being called by his model number, your nerves leaving you for the briefest of moments as you stood up for your friend.

"Right, your... Connor"

The RK900 spoke slowly this time, as if testing the way that the sentence sounded in his ears, and you almost smiled at how much it reminded you of his predecessor.

Suddenly, as if he had been enlightened with the correct words to say, the RK900 model cleared his throat, and spoke up again,

"My predecessor, Connor as you call him, goes by a name. This name was given to him upon his distribution, in order to make him more relatable and easy to trust. I was not built to be trusted, nor related to. To put it simply, Detective, I was built for the purpose of destruction, ruination if you will, and that of my own kind in particular. Therefore, I was not given a name as Connor was upon the start of his mission."

You nodded softly, gazed upward at the oh so familiar stranger that stood above you,

"Right, I guess that does make sense... In that case, can we give you a name?"

You asked, tilting your head in question as the android before you stiffened a bit, quirking a brow in response,

"You wish to name me?"

He asked, and you shrugged softly, trying to ignore the heat that was building in your cheeks,

"Well, not exactly. You can pick it if you want to, I just want something to call you that isn't as long as your model number."

Nodding in understanding, the RK900 thought for a moment, before finally reaching what to him was the most logical conclusion.

"I will allow you to choose, since you are so keen on my having a new name to go by as your partner."

You could have sworn you saw the android smirk a bit as he spoke these words, but you shook it off and started thinking hard about potential names for the man in front of you.

This train of thought lasted far longer than you had ever initially anticipated, and eventually, you found yourself groaning out of frustration, hunched over a notepad at your desk two hours after your initial meeting with your new partner.

"Nicholas?"

You offered hopefully, and the man in front of you shook his head for what had to be the one hundredth time that day, that shadow of a smug grin forming on his lips as he met your gaze again from the desk attached to your own, which he had made himself comfortable at shortly after his arrival.

"It just doesn't suit me."

He explained wryly, and you fought to roll your eyes in exasperation as he utilized the same excuse he had been using for the past twenty names. He had a reason to hate everything.

Sighing heavily, you moved to bury your head in your hands, rubbing at your cheeks before you let out an annoyed huff, glaring over at your new partner.

"Two hours in and you're already impossible."

"Oh, on the contrary, Detective."

The android's response was immediate, long and drawn out as he leaned forward so his elbow was on your desk rather than his own, his smirk predatory in a way that made you almost feel frightened as you swallowed thickly while desperately trying to come up with a new name.

"I think I am being quite cooperative. I mean, I've hardly said a thing about that untouched work load of yours."

He finished teasing, and you shot him another glare, as you stood to pace before your shared desk space.

"Well fine then, if a regular name doesn't work, how about something different?"

You asked exasperatedly, and the RK900 leaned forward towards you in what appeared to be mock anticipation,

"Different you say? Go on then Detective, what do you have in mind?"

You thought for a moment, struggling to think of anything, before finally, your eyes fell on that glowing model number upon his jacket, and finally it hit you.

"Nines,"

You breathed out the name as if it were a prayer, and the android in front of you seemed to hum in response, watching you intently as your gaze moved to meet his own once more, challenging and unwavering.

Just what he was hoping to see.

"I like it."

He said after what had felt like an entire minute of deliberation, and you whooped victoriously and jumped excitedly about the small office in response to those three short words, your grin wide and splitting your face in two.

He watched, annoyed by your strange actions, yet somehow also entertained by how improvised and sudden all of your reactions felt to him.

Were all humans like this? If so, this job would get exhausting very fast.

Eventually, you slowed back down and had the sense to look a bit bashful as you sat across from the RK900 - 'Nines' once more, clearing your throat awkwardly as you started to look at your completely empty tablet for what felt like the one millionth time that day.

"I do hope you know that tablet has been depleted of battery life, Detective."

Nines' voice was laced with a bit of humor and cruelty as he spoke, and you groaned internally upon being caught.

You couldn't find the correct words to respond with, so instead you turned your face away from the man sitting on the other side of your desk, trying to focus on anything else but this near stranger who was supposed to be your partner sometime in the near future.

How were you ever going to make it through this with your sanity?

AO3 Link

Series Masterlist

[connoisseursdecomfort]

The Garden - is it political, personal or profitable

This post is inspired by @shinybluebirdwizard​‘s answer/theories about the Garden.

I think it’s interesting to see the Shopkeeper as a judge - I mean he sure sounds like one. But I also think he’s called the Shopkeeper for a reason. My theory is the Shopkeeper is first and foremost a businessman.

I’m not saying that means he doesn’t care about politics at all - on the contrary, war is not good for business as we all could probably see by now. And money IS politics. Even Donovan Desmond is a businessman.

*Manga spoilers alert*

It’s very easy to see why the Shopkeeper sounds like a judge - he picks the targets and tells the assassins why the target deserves to be punished.

Ostanian legal system must be a huge mess with the Red Circus or the bus arc being the direct result of it - there are just punishments without trials (to be honest, more like without law at this point) everywhere. It’s either the SSS or the Garden who decide which to punish, and it’s almost always about “to punish”. The tricky part about the Garden is that it seemingly also allows people to redeem their lives (aka Olka Gretchen). The SSS doesn’t.

We now have three "judges" in Ostania.

The SSS makes everything political, and goes extreme from there on.

The Red Circus is the flip side of the coin - it started as a political organisation, but things just get very personal at the end (i.e. you killed my friends and now I'm going to kill your children) and they just go extreme with that.

Everything is political AND personal at the same time, and at the end, extreme meets. In the bus arc we have Billy and Biddy Squire from the Red Circus, and we also have the two SSS agents - Yuri and that I-don't-wanna-be-a-lapdog asshat, mirroring each other as they hold the two ends. You can choose to make things to be more political or personal, and the outcome can be good AND bad.

It's easy to see the Garden as something purely political too, and that's why we are eager to see if any political party or organisation is backing the Garden up. However, I think the Garden is more than that. The Shopkeeper is a shopkeeper. The Shopkeeper is the leader of an assassin organisation who dresses like a gardener and talks about very vague but easy-to-sell ideas. His code name is not even the Gardener. He has a shop. It's about profit. 

We are looking at the Garden through the lens of Yor. And Yor is not that interested in politics and money. When the Shopkeeper talks to Yor, his ideas are often conveyed in a very vague but easy-to-grasp way with simple metaphors. 

He means it when he says he wants the world to remain a beautiful place - he just doesn’t bring up the price to Yor. He helps Olka because he admires how the Gretchen family operates, but it is also a payback. It’s never about going after the “evildoers” who almost wiped out the family; it’s about “personal debts” and “great favour(s)”. It is personal, it can be political, but ultimately it is a fair trade.

Endo has always been straightforward about characterisation right from the start. And the cruise arc directly points out the most common reason for people to become assassins is that they want money. You see, the Director was never against the idea of making money - it's about how.

And it's interesting how the three people in the Garden are the representatives of the three Ps. Yor's in it for personal reasons. The Director leans more to the political side - he is the Director of Policy in the City Hall. The Shopkeeper might be the businessman who has the "foresight".

Anyway, before I go crazy on these topics, here are my three p(ent)s on where the Garden stands.

[niuniente]

One more thing about commenting etiquette: I've seen some people saying that they don't want cookie cutter comments like "I liked this fic" because it feels stupid and is surely a sign that the person hated the fic. Fair point, our brains can be wonky like that!

You can say this in your fic. In your author's note. You can say that I wish not to get comments X because of Y. You can also say if you accept comments of all kind, and even if someone typing AAAAAAAAHHHH! is a good comment to you. It's alright, normal and healthy to communicate openly about your boundaries, aka what is OK with you and what is not.

You can't assume always ill will from other people, or think that because thing X is obvious to you and must mean thing X, then everyone else out there must also know that X thing means X thing. Most of the people, especially in shared fandom spaces, want good for others. It's the very loud small group of asshats which often make things seem a lot worse and more hostile than what they really are in a bigger picture - because the good doers and kind people don't go rampaging around with same intensity sharing the love, care and excitement.

If you don't wish to receive certain type of comments due personal reasons, whatever those comment might be, you can say it out loud.

[bitchofdarkness]

I'm a little bit disappointed that my boy Hyun-woo made it so complicated for himself to bring down the evil asshats aka Eun-sung and Seul-hee. The easy route is staring him right in the face, but oh well, I guess we gotta get the estimated amount of episodes somehow.

[justanordinaryfangirl]

SPOILERS

I can’t get over how anguished Aziraphale looks after they kissed. This is something he wanted and hoped for for thousands of years probably, it’s everything he wanted for so long, and now he can’t have it. No, even worse, he has to reject Crowley and break his heart. Because they can’t go on like this. „Nothing lasts forever“, after all.

Aziraphale isn’t good in denying himself things, be it be food or wine or books. And he knows if he lets himself have Crowley even for one moment, he won’t stop. But if he can protect Crowley (and humanity, let’s not forget humanity, he knows the big fight is coming) as Surpreme Archangel aka as the one who will make the (new) rules, he will deny himself everything: his bookshop, all earthly pleasures, even Crowley. He will deny his heart as long as Crowley is safe. He has done this before, many many years: he has robbed himself of Crowley‘s company and kept him at arm‘s length, risked a quarrel with Crowley over holy water and then gave it to him years later anyway, because he can’t stand the notion of Crowley being in any danger, if he can help it.

So he’s prepared to do it again, even it means rejecting Crowley and everything he wanted for so long.

Aziraphale believes Metatron cares for humanity just because of a few nice, well-placed words about coffee and books, but he completely forgets that Metatron was completely in favour of the apocalypse: “The point is not to avoid the war, the point is to win it.”/Let’s start Armageddon with a nuclear war. Best case scenario, Aziraphale believes that Metatron changed his beliefs in the last years, just like Gabriel. And if Gabriel (former surpreme asshat in charge) can change, then everybody else too!

When Aziraphale will come to his senses and realise that Heaven won’t ever change, I hope that Aziraphale will go absolutely FERAL while protecting Crowley, pulling out alle the stops. I hope he will make a clear public stand that he’s siding with Crowley, „their own side“ from now on.

Metatron: You forget you place, Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: It’s right here. Between you and Crowley/humanity.

[drinkingbitterboy]

alright. i have emotionally recovered from miles posting on instagram this morning, which truly threw off my plan to do a little concert recap bc i was busy yelling at my phone/on tumblr. as you do.

a couple notes:

i don't really do concert photos; literally took a grand total of 4 during the actual show. so sorry, don't have much there!

i did not get a poster :( turns out they ran out before AM even went on stage?? i'm sad, but not too pressed bc really i'd much rather have a good view than wait in the merch line.

here we go!!

so getting into the arena was kind of a shit show lmao. we rolled up around door open and the line stretched 5 city blocks and doubled back on itself; it was mostly organized but asshats loved to pop in when the line got broken up by the streets. took us almost an hour to make it our five blocks and the line behind us was still just as long by then. at least folks waiting by us in line were nice! beyond nice conversation the true highlight was outfit spotting. shoutout to the absolutely dedicated guy who showed up in the full on fwn clown outfit complete with face paint by himself. in this weather! found a couple folks dressed exactly like the car alex (again, why are you wearing a blazer in this weather) and you know. felt real old about it seeing some of the other concert outfits. i'm sorry, not to be judgemental of the tiktok girlies, but holy shit. i managed to out myself once as a weird fan about it bc i had "inside knowledge" aka i saw the ig stories james and davey posted lmao. i'm so sorry i'm incapable of holding it in when i want to correct someone. had a grand time talking to some people in line next to me around my age; one of them even had an old sias shirt from seeing them live back then! good bonding about "hey what have you done since they announced this album?" one guy switched jobs twice, we got married, and the other couple had a baby. jfc.

further highlights include the person who wrote the batphone and cheeseburger notes, a couple other car truck bits i didn't take pics of saying things like "who the fuck are the arctic monkeys", and the true comedy of whoever designed the tickets. big mike wazowski energy

fontaines dc sounded great! a lot of folks around me had no clue who they were, though. so the crowd wasn't too excited overall. also i have no idea who put together the playlist in between sets bc it was nuts.

and then: the big reveal (that i then updated tumblr on)

i'm really surprised the whole set made it! the anticipation before they took the curtain down was absolutely palpable. also, didn't get a picture of it but at one point someone had a giant pole and was trying to poke something right at at the top of the frame of the screen. no idea what that was about but it was hilarious. not pictured: the bonus screens on either side of the stage.

an aside: my partner is fucking hilarious. every time a roadie came on state with an instrument he'd go "i don't think that one is a monkey." he also generally calls them the "monkfys" anyway bc he really latched onto that clip aksdjfs

so this was interesting! they didn't show the body paint symbols at all on any of the screens; instead, they showed this colorful wheel thing.

and then the actual show. oh my word. opening with sculptures was absolutely my dream and honestly i don't have words for what it's like to see alex in person. he's absolutely captivating. hypnotizing. one of the most amazing things is watching how he proceeds through the show--how he goes from suave and put together with his choreographed arm movements for emphasis and his little things like the little bubble pop in that song. and then he starts to loosen up (along with his hair), we get the silly dramatic theatre kid during cornerstone and do me a favour, and by the time we hit body paint he's just completely letting loose. even when they played much of the usual setlist and i obviously know the music super well--better than anyone else around me--it was still absolutely thrilling to just be there and listen to the music and sing loudly and jump around until we felt the floorboards creak. they felt really high energy last night! turns out coming off of a break is good for them!

related, getting to watch the transformation into the poofy lion hair in real life is incredible.

i must admit, i am not immune to things like alex waving in our general direction to the crowd and walking over to our side of the stage and all of the charming bits. just can't help it.

otherwise, the only other person i could consistently see was nick - we were standing stage right, maybe 15 yards back? so you know. gorgeous as always. i'm sure jamie was wonderful also in his insane leather jacket -- didn't see him at all lol. i managed to get a very convenient window to center stage so i actually saw alex a decent amount. worked out well because i couldn't actually see the screens super well. i'm short. here's the only two pictures i actually took of the band, right at the beginning:

and now for the rest of the setlist -- we all know they played a lot of the usual suspects. as expected, much of the crowd was pretty young and very invested in only AM and the hype songs. i didn't mind; at least i wasn't the only person screaming for perfect sense (weren't a lot of us, i was the only one in my general area, but that's alright. i don't care.) my spouse was entertained by the person next to us who looked up the spotify set playlist in between every song; he was like "why look it up? if you don't know the songs well enough to identify by intro then how is the list supposed to help?" anyway, holy shit when is snap getting out of the playlist? and yet even though i was not thrilled by it it was still so fun to sing along.

4 out of 5 had a really funny bit at the end while he was just kinda ad libbing lines. "four stars out of five, not quite there yet, but almosttttt." teddy picker and view from the afternoon were absolutely fantastic, too. and then we get the basic AM bits again, though turns out the crowd was also really hype for fluorescent adolescent. 10/10

i was so goddamn loud for perfect sense. shoutout to the spouse again for only knowing that song bc i learned to play it and then played it constantly bc i wanted to manifest it aksjdflaskdj

he was constantly saying "very nice. very nice. very good" in between songs, which was adorable. "hope you're having a lovely evening, folks." as my partner put it: "very good. that's him like yes, i've met my crowd interaction quota for the night"

and then of course we brought out the drama for do me a favour and cornerstone. i cracked up that there were already gifs of the "forcing a smile" bit by the time i got home.

mirrorball started with alex conducting the stings again. i love it so much. also makes my musician ass miss performing lmao. but really, i can't get over how good mirrorball is. it's so dramatic, so emotional, then the actual mirrorball reveal??? i cried. it's insane. it's beautiful. it's honestly indescribable. i generally don't like people filming a lot or taking tons of pictures but you know what? mirrorball is an exception. holy mother of god.

and then 505!! i know i mentioned this earlier but really??? the mirrorball is only lit up like this for 505 and then they pull it back up?? there better be a mirrorball for me, he says, then we pull it down for the very miles song, and then they get rid of it???????? i had some thoughts.

our end of the stage got a bit distracted during do i wanna know bc we had someone go down in the crowd and had to call someone over to help. good news is that they were pretty close to the wall/barrier so it was easy to make space. even so, i realy can't get over how good that guitar sounds.

and then body paint. we've all seen videos of the extended outro and really, truly, it's just a life-altering experience to watch it life. it sounded incredible, it looked incredible with the rainbow lights, everyone looked like they were having a blast. i am a little biased bc i'm so attached to that song i'm getting tattoos about it on monday lmao. but man. not over it.

and finally the encore. ONE POINT PERSPECTIVE?????? i was NOT expecting it and absolutely lost my shit. unfortunately at this point bc we did some shifting around i no longer had a good view of anything. so it goes.

dancefloor, as always, was an absolute jam. bonus points bc now it's forever associated with our wedding. and r u mine had the place going nuts bc you know, the AM only folks, but really, i am also not immune to how hard that song goes.

all in all, that concert was absolutely incredible. i had an absolute BLAST and it was such a joy. i loved getting to be loud and truly did not care that there were bits where i was the only one who knew all the words. even my partner who is only really a tangential am fan had a really good time. they sounded amazing. i'm absolutely still on a high from it. hopefully the transition to a smaller venue again after the huge stadium tour was nice for the band, too!

and now time for some more coffee.

[miya-twins]

sick rn so have some hcs of the twins being sick

they're both super whiny if sick. you'd expect it from atsumu but osamu is the same, he wants to be pampered!

atsumu learned his lesson from kita sending him home once, and properly rests whenever he feels sickness coming on, even if he'd much rather play volleyball

meanwhile osamu just puts on a mask and goes on working if he feels like he can. until the day kita comes to deliver him rice and scolds him for working when sick. he's never risking a stare that icy ever again

they always get sick at the same time. when they still lived together they never really wondered about it - they eat the same food, are around the same people in the same temperatures and breathe the same air all while sharing an immune system, obviously they'd both get sick if one of them does. but the first time atsumu is living on his own and gets sick he calls osamu like "hey you're a chef now and I'm sick come make me some soup" and osamu just coughs into the receiver like "forget it bro I can barely get up" so they just chalk it up to twin magic (aka they keep blaming each other if they get sick like "hey I have an important game coming up how dare you get sick and drag me down with you" "fuck off you went out in the cold with no jacket again and here I am, suffering" "that's because you took my jacket >:(" "that was always MY jacket you asshat!")

they always watch old movies from when they were little kids when they're sick. their mom put some on to shut them up when they were tiny, and now it's essential to them getting better. if they can, they'll watch together even after moving out, even if just through a voice call. and even if that means fighting over whether they should watch the third or the fourth pokemon movie. osamu likes daddy entei but atsumu always get emotional over the sammy oak plot twist

worst thing about being sick for atsumu is not getting to move around. like he'll enjoy laying in bed for a couple hours and then gets restless. worst thing for osamu is that food tastes weird when sick. his biggest joy taken away :(

atsumu is horrible at swallowing pills because he has a strong gag reflex, osamu is horrible at swallowing pills because they taste nasty and he spits them back out on instinct

if all else fails, they call their mom to make them her homemade soup, the placebo effect of that is so strong it'll cure whatever they have like a miracle

if left alone together when sick, they will bicker and fight until they're too exhausted to keep going, then cuddle up to each other and fall asleep like that

[thegamingcatmom]

Okay but also:

Alyssa Sutherland aka Ellie Bixler: 5´11 (180 cm)

Lily Sullivan aka Beth Bixler: 5´7 (173 cm)

Morgan Davies aka Danny Bixler: 5´6 (170 cm)

Gabrielle Echols aka Bridget Bixler: 5´4 (163 cm)

Literally all of them are taller than someone (which ain´t hard) so now I´m internally screaming because IDEAS, FEELS, THOUGHTS and-

Someone being rather fed up with getting teased about their height every time they vacate the same space as them (affectionately) and-

“What´s up, short stuff?” 😏

-a hand coming up to support their chin, resting their ellbow on someone´s head and-

“Why so grumpy?” 😏

-because they´re a dwarf and always so sensitive, so moody and-

“How´s my little groupie?” 😍🤭😏

-and patting their head whilst bending down down down to get lost in their eyes, hand then descending to pinch that cheek, boop! that nose and-

Ugh-

Not their fault this family is made of giants and-

"Asshats"

But there's a glimmer of hope, someone they can always rely on to have their back because they're struggling as well, they get them, suffering with them because-

Nell Fisher aka Kassie Bixler: 4´9 (148 cm)

And we're not gonna talk about the fact Kassie comes after her giant of a mother 100%, no doubt about whose child this is because, by the tender age of 14, she's gonna absolutely dwarf a certain someone and people will assume that they are the kid and-

We will not talk about it.

[hihimissamericanbi]

oh HELLO SMUT IDEAS

celine you're brillant all of these are amazing HOW CAN I CHOOSE

but hmmm ok i'm going to say:

Make your fuckboi jealous at the club. regulus making either james or barty jealous?

and

Maybe time for some suffocating roommates to lovers tension solved via a stubborn ass game. ROSEKILLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR or maybe pandora x barty (do they have a ship name? idk) OR lily x barty x evan could be fun

Alrighty crow boy let's see what we can do here. This gets p explicit by the end so... oops?

Jealous fuckboi was fleshed out in a previous ask, BUT using your prompt, I'd say in this case Regulus is at pandora's birthday party. He had JUST gotten brutally dumped by barty, like, that day or something. Really really raw, fresh wounds. Barty is a dick but he's the skittles' dick even with all the shit he pulls so he is also at the party, already all over someone else. Regulus is both furious and heartbroken (remember, he is a sad wet cat on the inside). Enter: James motherfucking Potter, tits out, eyes only for Regulus. "Where's your boyfriend Reggie?" "Oh you mean that asshat over there with his tongue down some guy's throat?" James is like 😈😈😈😈😈 fuck yes reggie is FINALLY single it's JAMIE TIME or something equally cringe inside his head. So he just completely destroys Regulus with some smoking hot sexy banter, lays it on real thick, and soon flirting becomes dancing and dancing becomes making out and holy shit James is so fucking hot I can't believe he's touching me like this meanwhile James is like wanted you for so long let's show him how pretty you look bent over for someone else and James spins Regulus around and bends him over so his ass is in the air as James grinds up against it.

It barely passes for "dancing"

And when he hauls Regulus back up he whispers in his ear from behind, look baby he's watching, all for you. He's the dumbest fuck on the planet for letting me get my hands on you. I'm going to ruin you for him and for anyone else.

Praise kink sex in the club bathroom ensues.

Ok ok so for roommate plus tension-filled game I'm going to take lily×rosekiller bc I am not super familiar with rosekiller as a ship BUT I have seen the little sprinklings of throwing Lily in there with them and I LOVE POLY SHIPS so let's go.

Rosekiller established. Lily is their roommate, who they met through Pandora. It's really important that the vibes from the get go is ANYONE CAN HIT IT for all three of them. Pan bi queer whatever they identify as it's basically Hot People Are Hot (aka same sexuality as us irl tbh). So there's a lot of rosekiller just LEERING at Lily shamelessly and vice versa. It's not just rosekiller being extra handsy with each other when she's around or "accidentally" leaving the door open that one time or being intentionally loud when they know she's home. So finally they are stuck home one night together because Lily's plans got canceled and rosekiller are like oh no 😈 play a game with us? 😊

I'm going to make them play strip never have I ever. So the real tension/sexiness of the story is in the stripping, and the leering getting more and more out of control, and the completely out of pocket comments about each other's bodies. And it's extra fun because we have a mix of genders and bodies going on here (Trans Evan? Trans Evan.) But yeah I love this set up because no matter what body the reader has chances are they can find some body parts to relate to in this story and those parts are going to get specifically called out and praised and told it's hot.

The sex finally happens when Evan is the first one to be totally totally naked and his cock is wet and swollen and peaking out from his folds and Lily is STARING and blushing and so turned on and Barty is like have you ever sucked a cock like Evan's before and Lily motherfucking Evans is actually SHY and she shakes her head and barty is like mm it's the fucking best and Evan is so sweet, you'll never taste anything like him, would you like to try a bite? Here I'll show you how he likes it.

And then they are off to the races. There will be lots of "kissing the taste" of one another into each other's mouths and a lot of praise/dirty talk in the third person; ie. talking about one partner to the other partner like the first partner isn't even there.

Tl;Dr: languid body appreciation/praise smut for a mix of genders

Whew!!!!