#airplane dad and protagonist son

[disgracefulthings]

Luo Binghe, sighing: How will I get Shizun to notice me?

Shang Qinghua: Here, I can help

Shang Qinghua, opening the front of Luo Binghe's robes, exposing his chest: There! Now everyone will notice you!

Luo Binghe: But will this get Shizun to listen to my feelings?

Shang Qinghua: ...

Luo Binghe: Shang-shishu?

Shang Qinghua: Huh? Sorry I wasn't paying attention, I was distracted by your tits

[sunderwight]

contemplating an SVSSS fic where Airplane transmigrates into Tianlang Jun instead of Shang Qinghua.

he wakes up before Tianlang Jun was about to walk into the HH Palace Master's plot, but too late to really do much about Su Xiyan's situation or the frame job. of course, being Airplane, he doesn't go face down the sects and get sealed under a mountain. but he also doesn't know what to do about the whole situation with Luo Binghe.

he was too vague in his outline and especially in his actual story. finding Xiyan or possibly some random washer woman who lives along the Luo river is a needle in a haystack situation, and he didn't ask for any of this to happen to him, so he just ends up leaving it alone. Tianlang Jun goes back to the demon realms with his confused (but relieved) nephew, and works on consolidating his power there and on thwarting the attempted incursions of Huan Hua Palace.

HHP has egg on their face because they riled up the other sects and got them into this alliance/ambush plot and then the heavenly demon they were supposed to fight didn't even show up. hasn't even been seen in the human world since. while HHP tries to spin it as them being so strong and formidable that they scared him off, the other sects feel like they're just blowing hot air and trying to take credit for something that never even happened. was that head disciple of theirs even involved with a demon at all? suspicious how she just disappeared, too. maybe it's a cover-up. no one's particularly impressed or convinced after the fact that HHP's claims are on the level.

which at least means that there's no concerted effort to wage a war or anything. Tianlang Jun meets a young Mobei Jun and Airplane decides to expend a lot of time and energy in helping the young prince consolidate his own power, so that's a whole thing. there's no system so Airplane's not obliged to preserve the plot, but he still knows it's out there and he's gotta skirt the line between giving MBJ absolute power on a silver platter and not setting MBJ up to be killed by the protagonist one day.

there are benefits and problems to TLJ mostly leaving Luo Binghe's whole journey untouched. on the one hand, he anticipates that everything around Luo Binghe will continue just like in the novel, so that's easy to predict. but on the other hand, that means he's in for some trouble when the blackened protagonist emerges all super-powered and unbeatable from the abyss and starts taking revenge on everyone who wronged him (a category which potentially includes the deadbeat dad who abandoned him for years).

so as the time of the immortal alliance conference approaches, Tianlang Jun starts to think that he needs to get ahead of this.

the most logical solution is to prevent Luo Binghe becoming quite as OP of a protagonist as he'd been the first time. since TLJ is plenty powerful himself (one of the things Airplane enjoys! as well as being very rich!) LBH really does need every edge he could possibly get to be a threat to him. so, why let him gain those edges?

this leads to TLJ's brilliant plan: just don't let Luo Binghe get thrown into the Endless Abyss! no blackening, no all-powerful weapon, no gauntlet of monsters to hone his skills, just a run-of-the-mill heavenly demon hybrid who could never in a million years take his old man in a fight!

TLJ decides he can two-birds-with-one-stone this situation by capturing Shen Qingqiu. then, one day if LBH does still make it to his doorstep, he can present him with his hated scum villain as a peace offering. like well son I know I abandoned you to suffer on your own, but plausibly I didn't even know you existed, so here, have your abuser to dismember in cathartic violence as you please! become a filial son and this old man will help fund whatever massive harems you want to build!

genius!

so, shortly before the immortal alliance conference is set to take place, TLJ goes and steals himself a peak lord.

Shen Qingqiu is... kind of different from what he expected? but oh well, it's been years since he wrote the novel and lots of characters have turned out somewhat different in person from how they were on the page, and the guy was always a mess of contradictions anyway. TLJ hands him over to his servants with strict instructions to keep him locked up, but not to harm or kill him (revenge is reserved for the protagonist, after all!)

Zhuzhi Lang, who witnessed the last debacle where his uncle took a sudden keen interest in a cold but beautiful human cultivator, makes entirely the wrong assumption (as do a lot of the palace staff) and figures that TLJ has just become more pragmatic about pursuing his lovers. Shen Qingqiu is given appropriate chambers (and restrictions) and word soon spreads that the Demon Emperor has captured a human cultivator to serve as his concubine.

so, this version of SQQ has actually been Shen Yuan since Luo Binghe joined the sect (and also doesn't have a system and thus had zero plans of throwing LBH into the abyss), and he is desperately trying to figure out what kind of changes he has unwittingly invoked here that Luo Binghe's father should be still alive, and free, and also kidnapping him to be his goddamn concubine?! that has to be a misunderstanding, right?!

Mobei Jun is mad. and jealous. and mad. but a concubine isn't an empress, so that job posting is still available, right? it better be, he has been waiting more than a decade for the official proposal!

TLJ meanwhile decides he's going to go secretly watch the immortal alliance conference just to make sure that the universe doesn't contrive to drop LBH into the abyss anyway, but weirdly enough, Luo Binghe isn't even there. listening to rumors, he gathers that uh... some stuff has changed? like Luo Binghe is head disciple of Qing Jing Peak? and apparently went crazy when Shen Qingqiu disappeared? except that some people think they might have eloped???

maybe he shouldn't get his rumors from Xian Shu disciples, those girls remind him of rpf conspiracy theory shippers from his old life. they're probably just way off base! hahaha... ha...?

well at least TLJ did a pretty good job of covering his tracks, so there's no reason for anyone to suspect that he captured Shen Qingqiu. or there shouldn't be, until he goes back home to find that every single demon seems to believe that Shen Qingqiu has been taken by him to be his lover. where did anyone even get that idea?! TLJ has been dutifully pining in his unrequited and inappropriate love for the young Mobei Jun for years now! whenever anyone asks he insists he's still mourning Su Xiyan! it's been a whole thing!

but oh shit, truth aside, there's no way those kinds of rumors have remained strictly contained to demon ears. both demons and cultivators have their spies after all, and even if they didn't, news moves along the borders.

sure enough, TLJ barely has time to try and dismantle this misunderstanding before a young Luo Binghe arrives on his doorstep, along with Yue Qingyuan and the very-much-still-alive lord of Bai Zhan peak, for some reason, all of them extremely pissed off at him!

[rarepears]

I can imagine Shen Yuan going to rant back to Shang Qinghua only for the hamster to snort; well, bro, he is the

PROTAGONIST'S

Dad, so basically dilf luo binghe, so technically its a compliment?

(nice, now with that on the table shen yuan has horny thoughts about silver fox binghe. Thanks alot airplane.)

Shen Yuan 100% now looks like Tianlang Jun like he's a silver fox Binghe and keeps going red.

This adds fuel to the neighbor's new theory that Shen Qingqiu and Tianlang Jun are a (recently) married couple whose "fall in love" meet cute was Tianlang Jun meeting his son's teacher.

[Read more in the #married couple shen yuan and luo binghe get a vacation home in the imperial capital to get away from sect and demon politics au]

[check out other fic ideas in the #made up fic title ask game]

[lovehugsandcandy]

the stories we tell (and the stories we live) (Coltx MC, RoD)

Pairing: Colt x MC, ROD

Length: ~2400 words

Rating/Warnings: N*FW (Not explicit but it’s there. And swearing.)

Summary: Colt’s story isn’t his own until it is.

.

When Colt thinks of stories, he thinks of the stories of his youth, hazy memories of sitting on his father’s lap and listening to tales of Kanekos past. He thinks of scenes from movies, car chases and explosions before the guaranteed victory, ending scenes and credits rolling with the hero beating the odds and riding off victorious into the sunset.

And then he gets older. 

And learns that stories are myths, hiding lies and false promises, wrapped in the guise of happy endings that will never happen.

Not to him.

And when he thinks of stories, he tries not to think of his own.

And when he does, when he thinks of the story of Colt and crew and the Kaneko name, he can’t of the beginning. 

It hurts too much to remember a time when he was a welcome fixture at the shop, when Pop greeted him with a smile, sometimes even a pat to his head. This was before, before those hands became angry and harsh, before the smiles turned to glares, before the words turned hateful and vicious, echoing the nightmares that creep into his sleep, shocking him awake in a cold sweat.

There are other stories, 

He steals his first car when he’s 11. It’s the first time he’s ever driven as well, the tips of his toes only able to graze the pedals when he leans against the steering wheel. It’s a massive effort to peer over the dash, to not press his scrawny chest on the horn, but he manages, denting only the bumper against an unlucky mailbox. But when he pulls into the garage, his father is more shocked than awed and his mother furious.

So he first leaves California when he’s 12, hustled onto his first airplane, deposited in an unfamiliar city with scabs lining his knuckles and a bruise blooming on his jawline, the first transition of many marking the flow between scenery and characters.

He’s first suspended when he’s 13. Everyone at this new school is despicable, but he’ll be damned if some upperclassman is going to throw slurs at him amidst a crowded hallway. He’s sent home, his opponent sent for stitches, and his mother spends five of her limited vacation days making his confinement as miserable as possible.

He first has sex in the dingy bathroom of a dive bar that obviously doesn’t care about liquor laws.

It’s a story he never tells. 

Stories are prideful things, lies portraying overcome odds and vanquished enemies until a triumphant, crescendoed victory. Curtains close on dreams attained.

His story has never gone like that and this memory is no different.

He’s 14, sipping something amber and toxic from a rocks glass because it makes him look cool, sitting alone as his knees knock against the stool because he hates everyone. His feet don’t even touch the ground yet, but it doesn’t seem to matter to the bartender, who keeps sliding booze across the slick bar top as long as the cash keeps coming from Colt’s pocket.

And apparently it doesn’t matter to the girl across the bar, all blond hair and glossy lips, pendant necklace dangling heavy above a low-cut shirt. She bats a heavy mascara gaze over her wineglass and it takes an embarrassingly long time before he recognizes the fire behind gaze.

His heart is racing when she perches on the stool next to him, and it’s with fumbling hands and drunken kisses that they weave a messy path to the bathroom.

Once they’re done, she buttons her jeans and smirks at him, waltzing out of the bathroom without a second glance.

It feels like a fitting end to his childhood, thrown from LA to end up staggering into the Bronx streets; his jeans are still unzipped but no one’s around to care as he turns the key in the empty apartment and sinks into freshly washed sheets.

If the saga of his childhood has ended (beginning as a worthy heir before being cast aside, thousands of miles away, lost boy and discarded son), then the story of his adulthood is beginning. Stories have beginnings and middles and ends, protagonists and supporting characters,  events when second matter, where every step taken leads towards a goal, an achievement of some sort.

He hasn’t achieved anything.

Not yet.

His mom gets off work at 3am, footsteps light as she makes her way to the adjoining bedroom. Once the light snores start, he creeps out of bed to spew stomach acid into the toilet, lights off, stifling the shameful hacking and choking.

He slips back into bed, mouthwash still tingling on his tongue, but sleep doesn’t come that night.

It doesn’t feel like a fortuitous beginning.

~~~~~

And then it doesn’t get better.

The fights continue.

He comes home weekly with bruised knuckles and wounded pride, counting the days until he can free himself from the cast of characters around him.

Every teacher treats him like an adversary, every stupid social clique shuns him, and it’s fucking bullshit but he doesn’t need anyone, none of these assholes at this fucking school. It’s him against the world, at least until he can get back to LA, back to the home and the legacy that belongs to him.

His mother wants everything from him. They’re alone, the two of them, and he falls into the role of trusted confidant and then wayward son and finally complete stranger; none of the roles he tries satisfy anyone in this fracturing family of two.

The girls want one thing from him and it’s so simple, so easy, and the best part is that he doesn’t have to think, just for a moment.

His dad wants nothing from him, and his teeth dig into his bottom lip so his sobs don’t echo through the thin apartment walls.

~~~~~

Stories come in chapters and his next one takes him to LA. It’s inevitable that he ends up here, speeding aimlessly through the crowded streets, ending up on the outskirts of a crowd that should part for him like the seas.

The first time he sees her, she looks like a baby hawk. Not that he’s ever seen a baby hawk, mind you, but her eyes peer sharply around the lot even though her steps are stuttering and small.

He would never have guessed that she would be more than a supporting character in his fateful return, but soon, she becomes everything. His mind is consumed with their future, ruling LA as a team, owning the next stage of the Kaneko legacy. Her insightful mind and sharp wit are both challenging and refreshing; it feels like he’s met his match.

His story is finally beginning.

But the pyre in front of him is actually the conclusion. Flames lick at his eyebrows as he drives by, staring into the wreckage for something, anything; her arms around his waist are the only thing keeping him upright.

And if his father’s explosion is the end, then the blaze at the garage is the epilogue, the wreckage a fitting end to the Kaneko legacy.

~~~~~

It takes years, four to be exact, before he’s comfortable taking a brief vacation. Building up the fledgling crew has been challenging and painstaking, but, brick by brittle brick, he has finally created a crew worthy of the Kaneko name. 

So he heads to New York. 

Colt cares about two people in the world and the irony of them being in the same city at the same time feels a little like choreographed coincidence and a little like fate.

He starts with his mother. She’s moved to Manhattan, and he needs to Google the route, feet almost taking him into the gritty streets he knows intimately well. He recalibrates off the train, unfamiliar buildings flying by as he crosses the East River and straight into her new setting and her new life. They walk through the tree-lined streets; she lives in Soho now and every step is strange. She leads him through farmers’ markets and points out breakfast joints, each one a reminder of how far away he is. As they amble, she speaks of her job before turning the conversation to Pop; his every reply is halting, pain and truth veiled through clipped words and terse responses, his hands buried in his pockets and shoulders hunched to his ears.

For two people who share a bloodline and a language, they’re incomprehensible to each other. Colt realizes, with sickening clarity, how much better his mom’s life is now, now that he’s gone and vanished across the country.

She holds him close outside her new apartment building (this one doesn’t have bars on the first-floor windows) and her eyes well with a sadness she can’t name (or won’t, Colt thinks bitterly, shifting on his heels in her embrace). Her hands linger on his shoulders, and she presses a lipstick kiss into his cheek; he furiously wipes it off as he strides to the subway.

His palms flash pomegranate pink as he swipes his pass.

Langston is eighteen stops uptown. It takes thirty minutes on the A train, and he’s wasting away every second, an eternity spent watching subway tiles and grim faces blur past.

He blends in with the crowd, rowdy college kids streaming into her dorm, and he sneaks up the stairs and raps lightly on the door. They barely talk but he’s immediately understood, her hands gentle under his jaw, up his shoulder blades, then insistent up his sides, gripping his forearms, tugging his hair.

She curls against him, the slide of her skin both foreign and reminiscent, and shakes her head. “I can’t believe you just showed up here. You’re lucky seniors get singles.”

“I can’t believe you let me in.”

“You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I guess I was cautiously optimistic.” He craned his neck to drop a kiss on the top of her head. “Guess I was right.”

She grabs his hand, tracing up and down each finger as if she were relearning every knuckle, every tiny scar. When her inspection is complete, she stills. “I waited for you.”

“What do you mean?” 

“For years I thought…” She trails off, and he wonders if they thought the same, that the other would reach out, bridge the miles and the trauma; he’s lost in the past until she curls over him and then there’s no time for thinking anymore.

They emerge the next morning, blinking away the sun, and she pulls him through her haunts, dragging him to the coffee shop where they know her order, her favorite path through the park.

She drags him with glee through the tourist traps and side haunts; they have beers at tiny dive bars, eat pretzels from rickety carts, and walk city blocks until his feet and cheeks hurt, hand in hand.

She glows here, radiantly beautiful, and he realizes that maybe she as well has been bolstered by his absence.

Even though it’s not Colt’s borough of choice, it’s hard not to feel comfortable as she pulls him down the packed streets, weaving through crowds with the same agility with which she wove through highway car chases. 

She’s at home here as she is behind the wheel, and something in his chest tightens. 

She belongs here, vibrant as the surrounding city, crafting her own story.

~~~~~

He needs to get back. 

Empires don’t build themselves.

He doesn’t tell her but, apparently, he doesn’t have to. It’s achingly slow as he slides into her, savoring every moment to remember when he’s back home, alone. She rolls her hips against his and it’s almost painful, blinding light flashing patterns behind his eyelids as she takes her pleasure from him, quivering above him until he can’t stand it, flipping her over in one fierce motion to bury himself, again and again, world dissolving with her squeal of pleasure in his ears and his teeth in her shoulder.

“I can’t ask you to come with me.”

She starts, head jerking off his shoulder, and he can’t bring himself to look into her eyes. Instead, he focuses on the assignments scrawled on her whiteboard, each one a reminder of a goal to attain, and the graduation cap askew on her desk, a reminder of the path she had chosen, her story told in the golden tassels dangling to the floor.

“You don’t need to ask.”

This time, it’s him jerking up, head spinning to face her. “What do you…?”

“I was coming anyway.” She settles back against him, and he counts the puffs of breath against his skin as reassurance that this is real. “I told you… I waited for you. I had a go bag packed for two years,” he feels her lips tug into a rueful smile against him as she continues, “a backpack stuffed in my closet with clothes and stuff, just in case you asked, just in case you called.”

“I called. Once.”

“Wha… when?”

“February of your sophomore year.” His hand slides up her back to tangle in her hair. “From a payphone in Torrance. It rang once, and I hung up. I couldn’t… I thought better of it. I couldn’t mess it up for you.”

“You don’t mess anything up for me. You help me be great. We’re gonna be great together.”

He springs two thousand bucks for an additional plane ticket and upgrades to first class. She points out the NY landmarks as they climb into the air and then curls against him as she dozes. They land at LAX, falling into bed in the loft at the shop, and, the next day, she climbs aboard the back of his bike, arms warm around him as they pull over to the cliff.

This isn’t a story.

Stories have heroes and villains and everything is tied up nearly at the end, when the evil is vanquished and the hero gets the girl and the sun rises on a brand new day when everyone lives happily ever after.

This isn’t a story.

It’s real life and real life has real people, all their virtues and flaws, hopes and dreams, and there are no storybook saviors riding in to save the day --- at least not in Colt’s life.

There’s only him and this girl and the sun setting brilliantly beneath the ocean below, lighting the cresting waves in purples and blues, and this isn’t the end, not at all.

.

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ROD

@omgjasminesimone, @mskaneko, @alyssalauren

Colt x MC

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[tossawary]

Chapter 19: “Weddings and Funerals” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines with commentary because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary. 

-

 When Shang Qinghua told Mobei-Jun that he didn’t need Shen Qingqiu assassinated, it wasn’t because he thought everything would somehow work out if he just sat back and didn’t do anything. It definitely wasn’t because he was planning a so-called “perfect murder” and didn’t want the demon lord messing up his plans. The Problem of Shen Qingqiu has always been a lot more  complicated than “just get rid of the guy potentially making my nephew’s life a living hell”. That’s why it’s a real problem! 

- 

AN: Shang Qinghua’s thought process: “Can this problem be solved by: 

A) Waiting for the problem to go away? 

B) Murder? 

C) None of the above? 

If the answer is C... 

Fuck, it’s a real problem.” 

- 

 Shang Qinghua thinks that might actually be possible, though he’d have to do some research and smack his head until his Author God memories hopped into line. He thinks that the youth-restoration procedure would probably do the job, but he also thinks that Shen Qingqiu would probably rather be dead than be physically sixteen again or something (super fucking understandable) and have to start the cultivation process over from scratch (ah, that would be so annoying and embarrassing). 

- 

AN: Given that I actually invented a de-aging potion for this fic (if one that’s difficult to put together), the AU of “Original Shen Qingqiu is physically 16 again” has been rattling around inside my head ever since I wrote these lines. Shen Qingqiu was like, “Wait, let me picture how unbearably overprotective Yue Qingyuan would be... hmm... no, I’ll just stay like this.” 

- 

 Luo Jiahui seems a little anxious about the empty spaces at the table, but she fills the space as best she can by chattering about assorted restaurant business. At least until she abruptly takes a deep breath and says, “Hua-Ge, I have something to tell you.” 

 Shang Qinghua freezes in the middle of taking a drink. His unhelpful brain immediately races to guess the worst possible conversational subjects. His sister-in-law has somehow figured out that he’s a transmigrator?! His sister-in-law has decided that her son is not going to the Demon Realm under any circumstances?! His sister-in-law knows Binghe better than he does and has realized that the young protagonist is being abused after all?! Oh,  fuck, what is it? 

 “I’m getting married!” Luo Jiahui announces, breathlessly. 

 “Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, heart rate going at the speed of sound. “Wait,  what?” 

- 

AN: This chapter is why I didn’t go into the details of LJH/LQG in the last chapter, immediately post-timeskip. I wanted to blindside everyone with an “Oh, it’s THAT serious?!” moment. The last chapter established that “SQH is handling things”, then this chapter establishes that, as the plot goes on, “SQH is only barely handling things”. Which helps prep the following breakdown with the System World Update in chapters 20-22. 

- 

 “You didn’t have any time for yourself,” Shang Qinghua agrees, following this conversation of very obvious things that he already knew so far. He didn’t have any time for himself back then either, between organizing a conference and finding a cure on top of the usual day-in-day-out of the sect. “You did a really good job looking after them all by yourself!” 

 “They don’t always agree with that,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling but self-deprecating. 

 “Aha, well, they’re young.” 

 The disagreements of what was best for the children is why Shang Qinghua really had to get Fanli (who didn’t see herself as a child) out of the house by any means necessary. He was at a bit of a loss at how else to help. She was never part of  Proud Immortal Demon Way! Not even as a fragment of backstory mentioned in passing! Shang Qinghua struggles to compensate for these extra people who were never characters sometimes. 

 “Qingge was very understanding,” Luo Jiahui says. “But… well… then Fanli was gone and I had the restaurant keeping me busy, but that was all my own choice… and what good was waiting really doing us? It didn’t have to be everything or nothing. So… we talked… about what we wanted and what- what we were afraid of… and we decided to go forward slowly.” 

- 

AN: I said in the Author’s Notes on AO3 that I was going to use Jiage to shame Moshang and Qijiu, and I meant it. TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! Shang Qinghua, you need to talk to Mobei-Jun about what you want! Shang Qinghua, you can’t keep putting things on hold because of the plot! 

- 

 No offense to either his sister-in-law or his junior martial brother, but aren’t love stories supposed to be a little more… fiery? 

 “When I was younger, I thought that falling in love was supposed to be all excitement and passion and not being able to live without someone even for a second,” Luo Jiahui admits, a little wistfully. “I thought that it was supposed to be thinking about them all the time, not being able to stay away from each other, and needing to know what they’d been doing every second they were away. It was like becoming a completely different person. I thought that being in love was about one of us getting horribly jealous every time we even talked to someone else, doing things I didn’t really understand and changing myself just to keep him happy, and keeping secrets and sneaking around just to keep things from exploding. Because love is not being able to help yourself like that, right?” 

 Shang Qinghua can’t really manage to speak right now. 

 It’s like someone has cut his fucking throat. 

 Which is fine! 

 “But that ended really badly for me,” Luo Jiahui says, with a nervous huff at her own understatement. “It was very exciting, but looking back, being in that kind of love was also very frightening sometimes… and it was a little lonely too… being in love with someone I couldn’t really talk to or trust.” 

-

AN: This is more specifically vagueing SVSSS Bingqiu than Moshang, but it’s also shaming Moshang too. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote some extremely messed-up romances and he would have said, “Yes! It’s all super messed-up! That’s kind of the point!” But it also means that the man can’t really conceptualize (at least at first) or articulate the kind of relationship he would actually be happy to have with Mobei-Jun, especially when his relationship with Mobei-Jun had such violent beginnings 

- 

 The first person he tells himself is, weirdly enough, Qi Qingqi. Liu Qingge apparently already told both Liu Mingyan and Luo Fanli before he left, so Shang Qinghua heads over to see how the girls are handling it. (Also, he wants to pump Liu Mingyan for information on her mother’s opinions on weddings and marriage, in a really pathetic attempt to ready himself for the rumble.) He makes her agree to keep the information to herself before telling and she does, like a bro! 

 And then he tells and she laughs in his fucking face! Eventually, she realizes that he’s looking for sympathy, he’s not just here to let her enjoy his suffering, as a form of payment after everything he and Liu Qingge have inflicted on her. Then she laughs at him again, even louder. 

 Sure, he’d laugh too if he was in her shoes! But not to her face! Rude! 

 - 

AN: Qi Qingqi also pointed while laughing, I think. It’s funny because it’s not her dealing with Liu Family shit this time. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua expected, this time last year, to be laser-focused on the plot! His attention was not going to stray even a little bit, he promised himself; he was going to be 110% dedicated to making sure that everyone he tripped into caring about made it through the least shitty version of  Proud Immortal Demon Way  possible. He was going to be a  machine  of a transmigrator! No distractions! All he wanted was for his family to make it through the quickest, least shitty bare bones of a plot! And he was going to  achieve, damn it! 

 Instead, he finds himself planning his sister-in-law’s wedding and it eats up time he didn’t fucking know he had to give. Immortal Alliance Conference, eat your fucking heart out! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Did he work there? Nope, he’s never heard of the place! He’s the Peak Lord of wedding planning now! 

- 

AN: This is me telling myself I’m going to get my life 100% together and then getting into a new video game and baking cookies instead. Or ditching my housecleaning plans to hang out with friends at a moment’s notice. 

- 

 At the wedding itself, Fanli tells her sister’s father-in-law that Binghe is also  very into birds and Shang Qinghua’s nephew spends a good chunk of the rest of the celebrations (and his precious time away from Qing Jing Peak) held hostage by his own politeness, listening to his new grandfather earnestly tell him about the various migration habits of demonic birds. 

 Well! Better him than Shang Qinghua, honestly! 

-

AN: Inspired by that time we went on vacation and one of my brothers got mistaken by one of our travelling companions for a budding serious birdwatcher instead of someone who just thinks they’re neat - and also likes to point at them and intentionally call them by the wrong name. 

Also, LQG’s Dad in this fic and SY would probably get along super well. 

LQG and his dad in this universe have gone out on month-long camping trips to in which they pretty much don’t talk the entire time. They stalk monsters through the wilderness and have a great time.

- 

 Shang Qinghua is too busy keeping an eye on Luo Fanli and being  not talked to by Liu Mingyan, who is eighteen-ish years old now he thinks and still deeply embarrassed by the fact that he told her off for her real person fiction. (He doesn’t want to discourage her passion for writing! She’s pretty good for a kid! It’s pretty cute! Everyone needs their escapist hobbies! He just doesn’t want identifying information about his family being spread around freely, even if the characterizations of the couple are… uh… wildly reimagined, and he doesn't want to have to spend his very valuable time keeping a lookout for more illicit fiction.) It’s difficult to read her expression through the ever-present veil, but… yeah, she’s still pissed off at him.

 Ugh, teenagers. 

 Binghe is not allowed to bring several hundred nieces-in-law into Shang Qinghua's life. Just... no. Fuck, no. 

 He doesn’t even get a date to commiserate about this with. 

 It’s a very small wedding, family only (Luo Jiahui’s shitty parents  don’t count  and her older brother was forced to decline the invitation), so that Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge can keep their privacy. Madam Liu huffed about it - the battles in talking her down were both great and terrible - but her son stood his ground! Sure, people might whine someday about not being invited, but the great thing about Liu Qingge is that they can more or less just say,  “Well, we couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted!”  And people just have to take that unless they want to claim they could take on the Bai Zhan Peak War God! 

- 

AN: Trying to imagine the AU in which SQH brought MBJ as his date to this wedding. SQH would’ve liked to be able to bring MBJ as a date, but alas, they are not dating and the groom would probably try to kill the man. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua is not expecting, soon after returning from his sister-in-law’s happy and long-awaited wedding, to be solemnly informed that Shen Qingqiu’s health has only really deteriorated these past months. Wow, that’s a huge downer. 

 Also, he already knew that? He’s been getting Mu Qingfang all the right supplies to treat their shixiong. He didn’t actually abandon his duties to the sect for a family wedding. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had fallen sufficiently ill to need tending on Qian Cao Peak in the past month and he considered it, well, convenient timing in regards to Binghe’s permission to attend his mother’s wedding not being randomly revoked. Cold-hearted, maybe! But he had lots of other things to worry about at the time, like informing Mobei-Jun that his sister-in-law was getting married and so he’d be regrettably absent to attend the wedding. 

 Then he’s told that Shen Qingqiu is not expected to improve this time. 

  “Oh, shit, they really think he’s dying,” Shang Qinghua realizes. 

 This really wasn’t in  Proud Immortal Demon Way. 

- 

AN: I seriously contemplated cutting this chapter in half because of this mood switch. Like, I went in intending on writing a serious mood switch, but in practice, wow. It felt like a lot more in practice. 

- 

 “Our sect leader asks about the boy and his progress,” Shen Qingqiu rasps, his voice turning more and more accusing. “He’s  so very  concerned about the boy. We can’t have such a beloved child  crying  to his devoted family that he’s been mistreated or neglected, can we? How flattering these assumptions are. It makes a man wonder what exactly people think he’s going to  do to the boy.” 

 Shang Qinghua might have an itemized list somewhere, honestly. 

 “Ah, I can’t speak for anyone else,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “But please don’t take it personally, Shen-Shixiong. I don’t really trust anyone. Anything can happen behind a locked door, you know?” 

 Some honest cynicism can go over well with the man. 

 Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly now. 

- 

AN: It can be fun in media where Character A is like, “Ahhh, I hope no one discovers my secret!” And Character B is like, “So, about this extremely obvious thing that you’re doing...!” 

Shen Qingqiu is as honest and open as he is throughout this scene because he honestly thinks that he’s dying. He’s determined to be blithe about it. 

- 

Shang Qinghua at least gets to see Mu Qingfang’s face journey as Shen Qingqiu accuses their sect leader of letting him think that he’d left him to die. As Shen Qingqiu yells about being treated like an unwanted ghost, as a potential blackmailer, as an embarrassing disappointment, as a petty troublemaker, as a spoiled child, as a problem to be solved, and as the last blemish on Yue Qingyuan’s reputation - anything but as someone worthy of being trusted with Yue Qingyuan’s problems and of being treated like an equal friend. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t think Shen Qingqiu wanted to hear his excuses, and Shen Qingqiu shoots back that he would rather fucking die than beg the man he’d thought had forgotten about him to explain when exactly he became not worth rescuing as soon as possible. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t want Shen Qingqiu’s pity or to force the man to be grateful that he’d  tried. 

 Shen Qingqiu tells the man to go fuck himself. How could it not hurt for someone he loved to hurt him and then just…  move past the hurt  like the pain wasn’t  who they were? 

 “All the world could revile me… reject me… leave me to die… and I would pay their hatred no heed! What do they truly know of what I am? Of who I am?” Shen Qingqiu demands. “But if  Qi-Ge  could throw me away… decide that I just wasn’t worth the  trouble anymore now that he’d had a taste of a better life… then I really must be wretched beyond all things at the root! If he believed it, then… then it had to be true.” 

- 

AN: Because I just wrote a Qijiu confrontation over this exact thing, like, a few days before, I thought that I could get away with writing out this entire confrontation in full. I think it works better if the audience has to imagine some of it. And because SQH is the POV character, it felt right that he not be in the room and not be a full witness to this scene. He doesn’t get to see everything. 

[hawkofkrypton]

Brightburn REVIEW [Spoilers!]

I FINALLY got to watch this bad boy and...

I really liked it!

I was giving an hard time to the folks that banned it from my country but I absolutely take back everything: this movie is NOT, I repeat NOT, for the weak of stomach. Maybe its cause I got so used to PG-13 horror flicks (as my friend who watched with me said, “they don’t usually show these things!”) but this one does not mess around. So here’s your warning.

I watched it with my best friend on streaming last night, she didn’t watch any of the trailers first but we both really liked it.

So, I want to first start with the things I wasn’t a big fan of: Some jumpscares felt unnecessary. I disliked them yes but not the point of nonsensically passionate hatred that everyone seems to feel towards jumpscares for some reason, another popular problem this movie suffers is how the trailer made it seem like it was gonna focus less on Brandon’s development and more on him killing people, which isn’t the case. I HATE HATE HATE when they put the movie’s ending shot in the trailer, it makes audiences believe there’s more after that and when it doesn’t happen then they’ll be disappointed.

A thing this movie really excels at its foreshadowing and the Chekhov’s gun, which is a rule that says “don’t introduce elements irrelevant to the story that aren’t gonna come into play later”.

There are simple things, like Brandon’s cover hanging to him like a cape when he first hears the ship or literal checkhov’s guns when the rifle that his uncle gave to him as a birthday gift is what his dad used to try to kill him, then when Brandon gets wounded by his ship’s metal, which plants the info that “the only thing that can harm him is its own ship, his Kryptonite” to the audiences minds. You guys have NO IDEA how disappointed I would have been if they didn’t do anything with the idea, so I smiled when Brandon’s mum got an eureka moment and tried to kill him with a piece of his ship, which failed miserably, but I’m a lot happier seeing horror characters dying by doing the smart thing than a stupid one, it showcases just how hopeless the situation is.

Speaking of smart, Brandon is a sociopathic little shit, but I thought it was a genius idea to make the airplane crash (with no survivors) into the Breyer farm to cover up his destruction of the house and yknow, murder spree, then act like he was the only survivor. Truly the beginnings of a sociopath and I loved it.

Then there are LESS simple examples of foreshadowing but genius nonetheless: remember when Brandon shows near-encyclopedic knowledge about hostile waps, like how they send their offsprings out to be raised on another territory and then destroy it? That’s what Brandon’s species does. They sent him to Earth to “TAKE THE WORLD”, which makes this entire character even more Earth 3 Ultraman-y than he already is. Loved that little detail.

(Although it would be pretty hilarious if Brandon’s species was actually just creepy but benevolent and the kid being a sociopathic little shit interpreted it in its own way. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first message from a superior that Brandon misinterprets)

I believe that its a lot better when the movie doesn’t rely on jumpscares but creepy ambience and Brandon creepily lurking around his next victim. The movie really nails the horror atmosphere when it needs to, every single shot of the farm with grey skies looked creepy as hell. Then of course there’s all the blood and gore, which for its budget it doesn’t have ANY right to be this well done. The jaw scene isn’t gonna leave my head anytime soon.

The Breyers were trying to have a baby without success when Brandon landed in their lives, leading Ma Breyer to love him and defend him like a real mother should, but it also tragically leads to her being blind to any possibility of its son doing anything wrong. Pa Breyer is also quite tolerant for a good portion of the movie, albeit definitely understanding what’s wrong with Brandon before anyone else does. So the parents are acting wrongfully because plot, but because of their characters.

Brandon’s actor performance as this superpowerful evil kid is nothing short of fantastic. He can switch from sympathetic to terrifying in a whim and he doesn’t feel exaggerated or corny in any scene, he definitely can carry a whole movie where he’s both the monster and the protagonist.

Really digged the scene where Pa Breyer shoots him in the head and Brandon looks at him like he just hit him with a small rock. It didn’t hurt him, except on the inside of course. Then he lasers out the ever living hell of Pa’s face ala Injustice Superman, another bit I loved. Remember how Brandon’s mum was all about “you’re a blessing that dropped from the sky”? Well guess what, he kills her by dropping her from the sky, poetic!

In the ending we see Brandon going on a rampage accross the world, with the media calling him “BrightBurn”, which I was very happy to see that’s his supervillain name, it fits both the location and powers. And the end credits scene teaser more supervillains to come, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds. Like my friend said when we finished watching it, “I want the 2!”

Its not a GREAT horror movie but its still very good and unique. 7.8/10

(Admittedly, watching BrightBurn and finishing The Boys on the same day really gave me a weird urge to shave my hair and wear buiness suits. Uh)

[seanpatricklittlewriter]

The Movie Post

Greetings and salutations, true believers. I haven’t posted anything in a while other than shameless book promotion stuff for #FourthAndWrong, and for that I apologize. I always say I’d let you know if anything good happened immediately, but nothing good has happened. The new book is out. A few people who have read it told me they liked it. It’s not selling well. Lack of sales means a lack of reviews, which only helps it not sell faster. It’s all a vicious cycle. At a certain point, you have to remember that you’re only writing books because some tiny voice in your head won’t let you stop, and you just throw your hands up and let everything else fall as it may. For the first time, I’ve actually bothered to try real advertising. I’m giving advertising on the Kindle lock screens a go. I’ll let you know if actually works.

 In the meantime, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts while puttering around the house, going for walks, and ignoring the gym. (I gotta stop ignoring the gym…) If you haven’t watched “Ted Lasso” on AppleTV yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s one of the best shows I’ve watched in a long time. Great writing. Great characters. Great story. Very uplifting and wonderful. One of the show’s writers, creators, and stars, the wonderful Brett Goldstein (who plays the gruff Roy Kent on the show), has a podcast called “Films to Buried With.”

 I started listening to his podcast because I enjoy him on the show so much, and I’ve found out that I enjoy his podcast as much as the show. He’s a genuinely sweet man, and he gets comedian and actor friends to guest on his podcast. The show’s conceit is that Brett invites guests on, tells them they have died, and then gets them to relive their life through the films that meant something to them. It’s a fun little chat show, and a solid way to waste an hour while you’re getting through doing the dishes or mowing the lawn.

 It’s precisely the sort of podcast I would love to be on. I’ve always said you can judge your level of success by what people invite you to do. I always said I’d know if I “made it” if I could ever get invited to be on one of the podcasts I enjoy, rather than trying to wrangle my way into someone else’s podcast or blog. So far— this has not happened. That should tell you what level of success I’m stuck at. I don’t get invited to the movies by my imaginary friends. But Brett encourages people to share their ideas and opinions on social media, anyhow. It’s a fun way to play along at home, tell other people about the podcast, and start conversations around your favorite movies. Stories bind us together. They give us common ground and build bridges toward strengthening relationships. If you meet someone new, you can tell if you’ll get along with them by what films they enjoy. So in that spirit, I’d like to answer the questions Brett asks his guests by discussing a few of my favorite films. If you’d like to play along in the comments, please do. I always love reading about what other people think about movies, books, or music. I won’t bother going through the death/afterlife conceit he uses, but I recommend listening to a few of his podcasts if you enjoy this sort of thing. It’s a fun little premise he uses to generate the episodes.

 --What’s the first film you remember seeing?

         I remember bits and pieces of several films from my childhood. I remember the Muppet Movie in the theater. I remember seeing The Black Hole. I remember a lot of little chunks of a lot of Disney animated films. But the movie that sticks out in my head is “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” It was 1981. I was six. I remember going to see it on a Sunday matinee with my family. I remember it was packed. People were literally sitting on the floor in the aisles. We got three seats someplace, but I remember my dad having to sit in the row in front of us. I don’t remember a ton about the movie the first time I saw it other than being scared of the pit of snakes and the melting Nazi faces. However, I remember the iconic moment when Harrison Ford pulled the gun on the swordsman and shot him. I remember the audience reaction and thinking, “That’s a hero.” I’ve long been a Harrison Ford fan. Between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, he played two of the most iconic heroes of my childhood. When I wrote the TeslaCon novels, I made no secret that my protagonist, Nicodemus Clarke, was just a shallow rip-off of Indiana Jones. It’s funny, but to this day, in my head, if you ask me what a hero looks like, it’s always going to be Harrison Ford.

  --What’s the scariest film you’ve ever seen?

          The scariest film I’ve ever seen is Kevin Smith’s “Red State.” It’s a movie about a religious cult that’s very reminiscent of the Westboro Baptist Church, David Koresh/Waco compound, or any of the other extremely far-right Christian separatist movements. It’s scary because there are many, many of these gun-hoarding compounds, and the movie, while extreme, is not too far off from possibility. Michael Parks plays the leader of the family at the heart of the film, and his performance was award worthy. He was truly terrifying.     As an aside, prior to Red State, I always told people the movie that scared me the most was the original “The Amityville Horror.” Basically, I saw the scene where the poltergeist made the drop-sash window fall on the kid’s fingers and nearly sever them, and that was it. I had the same drop-sash windows in my bedroom, and I was scared of them from then on. I’d like to say that I outgrew my fear of drop-sash windows, but I’m 46 and they still skeeze me out when I see them. A movie I saw 40 years ago warped me forever.

  --What’s the movie that made you cry the most?

         I used to not be someone who cried at movies. However, years of thyroid issues and depression have messed with my response to emotional moments, so I do get teary nowadays at movies. Emotionally speaking, it’s not sad movies that get to me. It’s movies where someone overcomes something difficult. Especially sports movies. The ones that get me the most teary-eyed now are movies like the first “Rocky,” “Hoosiers,” “Miracle,” and “Rudy.” I also get teary-eyed at points of bravery to the point of stupidity. The best example of that is the climax and denouement of “How to Train Your Dragon.” Strangely enough, when a movie does something that is supposed to be a tear-jerker moment to the point that it panders to the audience, I don’t cry— I actually get angry. Anything Nicolas Sparks has ever had his name attached to, for instance. It’s maudlin, and it doesn’t deserve our respect.

  --What the film that made you laugh the most?

       This is not going to be a popular answer. If I was a little more erudite, I’d say something like “Airplane” or “Blazing Saddles” or “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” However, I didn’t see any of those in the theater originally. I was home, watching them on video. While they were funny and some of my favorite movies, I did not really do a ton of laughing while I saw them. I went to see “BASEketball” with my sister, and the theater was packed. Something about seeing a movie in a crowded theater heightens the emotional impact of jokes, and for whatever reason, that movie put me on the floor a couple of times. It’s a silly movie full of cheap laughs, but I remember hurting as I was leaving the theater. My sides and cheeks were sore. Second on that list was the movie “Bridesmaids.” I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at any movie than the scene where they all get diarrhea in the bridal shop. Especially Melissa McCarthy: “LOOK AWAY!”

  --What is the sexist film you’ve seen?

         For me, I will never forget seeing “Bachelor Party” on HBO at a friend’s house. Monique Gabrielle’s scene is probably the first time I saw full-frontal female nudity in a film. It burned itself into my brain. I probably have a thing for redheads to this day because of that scene. The rest of the movie is very wild and funny. It was one of the launching blocks for Tom Hanks’s ridiculously amazing career. But that one moment stands out as one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

  --What film did you used to love, but now it’s not that great?

         Pretty much anything with “Rocky” in the title and a number following it. I still enjoy them, but Rocky III and IV, especially— not that good. I used to love them. I used to watch them whenever they hit TV, but now I only need to watch the first “Rocky,” and maybe the final fight in “Rocky II.” Anything else, I can leave out. They just feel a little overclocked at this point in my life.

  --What’s a film that people and critics panned, but you enjoyed?

        “Goon.” It’s a hockey film written by Jay Baruchel and starring Seann William Scott. It didn’t get wide release—almost straight-to-video. It didn’t get great reviews. I think Metacritic has it around 60%. But something about that movie hit me, and I love it. I suggest it to people all the time. It’s got great performances. It’s a solid flick. It’s not going to overwhelm you. It’s now one of my comfort films. When I’m bored and need something on in the background, I will often choose “Goon” or its sequel, “Goon: Last of the Enforcers.” The sequel was not as good as the original, but it’s still worth a watch. Kurt Russell’s son Wyatt is the villain in the sequel. He’s extremely good.

  --What’s a film that people love, but you hate?

        Hands down: “Avatar” or “Titanic.” Something about a lot of James Cameron films just don’t work with me. I think it’s because they’re too grandiose. They try too hard. Also, the scripts are just there to get him to the big, visual set-pieces. They’re thin on both character and plot. I can’t stand either of them.

  --What’s a film that means a lot to you, but it’s not because of the quality of the movie (i.e. you saw it with someone and it’s special, or it has importance to people around you, etc…)?

       Easily, “The Man From Snowy River.” This is a family favorite. I grew up watching this flick, and I made my daughter watch it when she was younger. I will never get tired of it. I probably watch it maybe three or four times a year. There’s just something about the cinematography of the climax when Jim goes down the mountainside on Denny’s back. It’s always breath-taking. Also, if you watch “The Man From Snowy River,” you see what my dad always wanted his life to be. Most boys’ fathers want their sons to be doctor or lawyers. My dad wanted me to be a cowboy.

  --What film do you relate to the most?

        “Clerks.” I saw “Clerks” when I was a senior in high school. Rented it from a local video store. I saw two dudes who were outliers in their social group working crappy jobs and dealing with the mundane nothingness of life. It hit me right in the gut. I resolved to do something better than that. So far, I’ve failed to do so, but I keep trying.

  --Empirically speaking, what is the best film? (Not necessarily favorite film— but what film do you think is the best film ever made?)

         I have to say it was “Lawrence of Arabia.” The casting was amazing. The cinematography was incredible, unrivaled, really. The story was excellent. And the ordeal of the entire filming process was without peer. What they went through to make that movie, hands down, makes it the best film ever made. The scope of the film alone is mind-boggling.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a close second, but that’s technically three films, so I went with Lawrence of Arabia.

  --What film have you seen the most?

         I have watched “The Muppet Movie” a ton. I still love the movie “Roxanne.” I have also seen “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and “The Quiet Man” more than any single person probably should. If I had to think about it and pick one film I’ve seen more than other…it’s probably “Meatballs.” Growing up, my sister and I watched that flick a thousand times. I can probably recite it from memory. It’s also one of the films that cemented an undying loyalty to Bill Murray.

   --And finally: You die and go to heaven. And in heaven, they ask you to pick one film that summarizes your life, one film that makes people understand you, or a film you want people to watch to help them know you better. What is that film?

         Nothing has had more influence on my life than the movie “Ghostbusters.” It defined me in several ways: my love for comedy, my love for the paranormal, and my love for snark and snappy comebacks. I loved Ghostbusters so much that I watched it on a weekly basis. I ran the audio cables from our VCR to a tape deck and recorded an audio copy of the film to play on my Walkman while I road the bus to school every day. I still have the film memorized word-for-word. I will often let my eyes go a little weird and turn to my daughter and say, “Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!” To know me is to understand Ghostbusters on a molecular level. I owe that movie a lot.

  Anyhow, this was a fun way to waste my night. I encourage you to play along. Answer some or all of the questions Brett asks his guests. I highly recommend listening to a few episodes of “Films to Be Buried With” on your favorite podcatcher app. And if anyone out there knows Brett Goldstein, please let him know I’m available to guest on his podcast. Until next time—Thanks for reading.

--Sean

[secretradiobrooklyn]

SECRET RADIO | 11.14.20

Secret Radio | 11.14.20 | Hear it here.

Artwork by Paige, liner notes by Evan except * for Paige

1. The Wizard of Oz - “Ding Dong” Suite

We were looking for a proper song to get this party started, and damned if it didn’t involve a bunch of delighted munchkins! As much as our hopes for the coming years are muted, the relief at not having to contend with a headlong dictator enjoying full-on democratic support just cannot be overstated. DING DONG Y’ALL!

2. David Bowie - “Look Back in Anger”

I’ve been practicing drums a ton during the pandemic, and I just realized that I’m going to have to spend some time trying to get at this pattern. It’s some of my favorite drumming ever, from one of my top 20 albums ever. In fact, this comes from a very special edition of Lodger, via Brian McClelland, wherein Tony Visconti took the original tapes and completely remixed the album as he always felt it should have been mixed if they weren’t be rushed. To someone who has listened to that record many many times, it sounds like I’ve been next door the album all this time, and I’m finally allowed into the room where it’s playing. So clear and focused and modern!

3. Frank Alamo - “Ma Biche”

A “biche” is a doe, we believe. “It’s something about ‘pretty eyes,’” Paige says, “which would make sense.” Further research, though, reveals that the song is about how much he likes her pretty dark eyeliner. I know the feeling!

4. (Not) Rom JongVak - “Monkey”

Well, this has been a learning process. There’s this great song that I thought was called “Twist (Dance Twist)” by Rom Jong Vak, that we played like a month ago — and then tonight I thought I was playing “Monkey,” by Rom JongVak. Buuut, as I look further, I’m learning that the first song was “Rom Jong Vak Twist,” by Pan Ron… And the song here is I guess called “Rom Jong Vak Monkey,” and I have no idea who it’s by! All of the text on the page is in just boxes where Cambodian text would go, so it’s bound to remain lost. Whoever it is, I sure do enjoy that first aggressive drum fill and the whole weird texture of this recording.

5. Luiz Visconde - “Chofer de Praça”

Paige: “The first times that I listened to this Angolan collection, I really just listened to Os Kiezos, because they did “Muxima.” But then I eventually spread out and found this song. It’s from Angola, between ’65 and ’75.”

6. The Velvet Underground - “European Son”

P: We would go to the Beechwood a little bar around the corner from us in Wicker Park, down the street off Milwaukee Avenue. They had a real jukebox, not a TuneBlast or whatever. It was just a great little dive. They had this record in the jukebox, and we would always put on this song. I suppose that could have been read as an aggressive thing to do, but we’d put on other songs too! It was a good way to stretch your quarters, and it loosens the bar up. And I figured, if they didn’t like this song they wouldn’t put it in the jukebox.

     Once when we were there on a busy weekend night, something was wrong with the jukebox. It was broken. And the bartender opened it up and put like a hundred bucks on it and said, “Everybody play whatever you want, three songs each. It was awesome. Everybody did take turns too, three songs each, all around the bar. It was a really cool night.

7. Fred Astaire - “No Strings (I’m Fancy Free)”

What a lovely piano intro! This song is from the 1935 film “Top Hat.” It’s one of those movies where the clever protagonist pursues a girl he has a crush on — or terrorizes a stranger until she submits to his will, depending on whose perspective you take. There are a lot of those — “An American in Paris” is another — and they’re fascinating to watch just by flipping that switch back and forth in your own head. Meanwhile, both movies are chock full of beautiful shots, fabulous scenes, gorgeous songs, and glowing stars. 

     Something about the quality of this recording — a new master or something? — makes it sound like it was JUST recorded. It feels so alive and contemporary, with a lovely little vibrophone solo in the middle. I just 

Martial Solal, “Breathless” soundtrack - “L’amour, la mort”

Note: I remember this story in the reverse, where the truckers announced this gleefully to each other as they marched merrily OUT the door and into the late afternoon, headed towards… what? Whatever it is, I hope they found it and everyone had a great time.

8. Johnny Hallyday - “Nous quand on s’embrasse”

Have you seen “The Wild One”? Can’t you see how much trouble could have been avoided if those leathered-up motorcycle dudes were able to rock out to songs like this one instead of trying to jazz their way forward? They should have been twisting the night away! Alas, instead they had to tear up bars and beat people up to get their kicks. Tough break, kid.

9. Lokassa Ya M’bongo - “Bonne année”

I found this while searching for something else, but it was labeled “l’Instant Vinyl” in the same format as our Assa-Cica record, so had to check it out. M’bongo is a Congolese guitarist — a rhythm guitarist specifically, which doesn’t normally get the love that lead guitar gets in this soukous form. Lokassa Ya M’bongo means “Lokassa the money man,” and he became a session man in demand. He was a big part of the “Congolo-Paris sound,” a phrase I just read that I’m going to have to look more into.

    Bonne année indeed! Still feeling that relief about hopefully getting out from under the thumb of that giant dummy.

10. Velly Joonas - “Stopp, Seisku Aeg!”

The image of Velly Joonas is pretty heart-stopping: she’s absolutely beautiful, in giant glasses and a striped shirt. The song is so confident and strange in its instrumentation, with keys, organ, fiddle, and a super-tight bass/drum combo. I feel like this could have been a big US underground hit in the ‘90s.

11. Eko Roosevelt - “Kilimandjaro”

Such a sincere song! Eko Roosevelt is kind of hit and miss with me, but when they hit, they get completely stuck in my head! The horn parts on “Me To a De Try My Own” do that to me, and so does the eternal chorus of this song. I love the notes in the bridge as they drop further and further down the scale like they’re descending from the mountaintop. And when he gets to the declarations of love at the end — “I love you, my home! I really do, I really do!” — that’s it, that’s the best.

12. Tonetta - “Yummy Yummy Pizza”

I warn you: look up this video (after you listen to the “broadcast” of course) at your own peril. Not because it’s terrible, but because it is fascinating, and it is just one of SO many. They tease you with tiny shreds of information about this Tonetta person, but never enough that you can get a sense of what the hell is going on with… him? Them? Maybe ask Matt and Brian from Tok about it — they got obsessed enough to record an EP of Tonetta songs, which is how I heard about this all in the first place.

13. Prewar Yardsale - “AU Base”

Paige: I was loading a five-disc changer at Jeffrey’s and something about the cover, the name sounded interesting. I put it on and it’s pretty freakin rad. It stood up to my blind listen expectations. I think this is produced by our friend Matt Mason. 

14. Eugenius - “Mary Queen of Scots”

Matt Mason and Jeffrey Lewis make me think of Schwervon!, which makes me think of the Vaselines who they toured with several times, and that brings me to Eugenius, headed by Eugene Kelly. This was a mainstay in Sean’s room when we all lived together, singing the harmonies and air-drumming along. It remains as satisfying as ever, I’m happy to say.

15. Wednesday Campanella - “Aladdin”

This song is sung in Japanese, not that you’d know from context clues. Tim Gebauer introduced us to this strange Japanese shapeshifter. It was hard to tell if I liked her music or was just amazed by her videos (which you should totally check out). Now I believe it’s safe to say we dig this song. I like how many elements of ‘70s international disco it has, while still sounding super modern. What is weirder to me is that I cannot tell if I would like this song if it was sung in English.

Breathless soundtrack

16. Letti Mbulu - “Mahlalela”

Originally South African, Mbulu managed to escape to the US in 1965 and had a hell of a career. She worked with Cannonball Adderley, Hugh Masakela, Harry Belafonte and Michael Jackson. Quincy Jones said this amazing thing about her: “Mbulu is the roots lady, projecting a sophistication and warmth which stirs hope for attaining pure love, beauty, and unity in the world.” Um, that’s really impressive.

17. Christophe - “Aline”

*Really dig this song, partially I think because it’s in a decent range for me to sing along. I love his desperate delivery and tone of voice. We just learned tonight that Christophe passed away this year at 74 after complications with COVID-19. 

18. Zap Mama - “Brrlak!”

Credit to my dad, Larry Sult, for bringing Zap Mama to our attention. He’s been heavily into marimba music, and played in a marimba band in Bellingham for many years; in fact, he spent many years making the instruments for the band in his woodshop in the basement of their home. Zap Mama is adjacent to that music, though certainly very different. This band comes from all over the world. The main gal was born in &&&&& but found herself in a Pygmy society for awhile, which seems to be where she developed some of those low-high yodels. We saw some footage of her playing, and she did this awesome thing where she held empty airplane bottles just below her lips as she sang, creating a resonance that you can hear here. I love that this whole composition is a cappella.

19. The Buzzards - “High Society”

Years ago, I was whiling away my time in Seattle and stopped into Orpheum Records, right there at the corner where Broadway turns into 10th Ave E. After a half hour of flipping through records I had to know what all the killer albums were that had been playing overhead. Turns out they were all from “The Sympathetic Sounds of Detroit,” a collection of Detroit bands put out by Sympathy for the Record Industry. It was recorded by Jack White and Jim Diamond and it’s full of topshelf tracks, but after all the years, this is the one that we turn out to actually enjoy, and quote, the most. 

    As far as I could tell, there isn’t a version of this song anywhere online, which I personally find disGRACEful!

20. Sleepy Kitty - “Buzzards & Dreadful Crows”

My favorite part of this recording is that I got to sing a couple of guitar parts that I reflexively sing along to on the original.

*This was from a 20th anniversary of “Bee Thousand” tribute show, and we made this recording with Jason Hutto at this studio off Cherokee Street and we recorded a couple others that we did that night. A small run of screenprinted downloads were made. 

Teddy Afro, “Mar Eske Tuwa” credit music

21. Ata Kak - “Moma Yendodo”

Some corrections to what I said in the broadcast: Ata Kak is indeed Ghanian, but I think he might have recorded this in Germany. His is a fascinating little story of determination. This recording comes from a tape that he made about 50 copies of total. It was found by Brian from Awesome Tapes From Africa at a roadside stand in Ghana. He loved it so much that he spent years trying to track Ata Kak down. When he finally did, they found that the original master tapes were all ruined, and Brian’s copy was the only one that they could make a new version from! So that’s what you’re hearing here. 

22. Spoon - “30 Gallon Tank”

Early Spoon is some of my favorite music ever. This is from “A Series of Sneaks,” an album that changed my life pretty much as soon as I heard it. Harvey Danger stopped at a lot of record stores on tour, and at one of them I managed to stumble upon both “A Series of Sneaks” and (I think) Guv’ner’s “Spectral Worship” — what a day! I put this album on in headphones in the van and just listened over and over and over again. Eventually, when our manager announced that we should spend a few weeks between radio festivals headlining a tour with a couple of support acts and asked if we had any ideas, I had a list with Spoon on top and Creeper Lagoon right below that. The tour that resulted was rough for Spoon — they’d just been dropped by their label and were having an understandably rough time — but a fucking thrill for me, because I got to see one of my favorite bands each night. That still stands as one of the absolute highlights of my time in Harvey Danger. Jim Eno is one of the top drummers in my pantheon because he’s such a great composer for the song, and Britt Daniels plays guitar the way I truly wish I did — which he did at the time all on distorted acoustic guitar! 

23. Patrick Coutin - “Fais-moi jouir”

*I meant to put on a different Patrick Coutin song but put this one on by accident and I was like, this is cool, and then I was like “I think he’s saying. . .I think this is pretty. . . explicit. Like Serge and Jane cranked.” As far as I can tell, it definitely is. They don’t teach you these words on Duolingo though. Ha! 

24. Dur Dur Band - “Yabaal”

I mean no disrespect to Dur Dur Band when I say that we didn’t dig the first several songs we heard by them, but this song is undeniable. The groove just digs in and doesn’t stop for anything.

25. Mel Brooks - “High Anxiety”

We’re stepping out on a mixed emotional note, but: we’re not out of the woods yet. I hope we can get through the next couple of months as a nation peacefully and productively, but Paige and I are both in a state of high anxiety about what still seems to be happening daily. Stay safe!

*yet staying optimistic! ’Cause we gotta. À plus tard!

[sloth-hallo-hier-bin-ich]

Berlinale 2019

TStarts with: smokey eyes, without smoke. The flu already at the start. Damn.  A journey around the world in pictures, from the cinema chair in Berlin. Why? To see other people of this one world with another perspective. #385days - (congratulations to myself) without flying with an airplane and it didn’t hurt going by train.

Systemsprenger | System Crasher  https://www.berlinale.de/en/programm/berlinale_programm/programmsuche.html?searchText=systemsprenger&page=1&order_by=1

BOOM. I have never seen such an exact representation of the drama triangle of persecutor/perpetrator, rescuer (on the victim's or perpetrator's side) and the victim. In this dynamic process, in the unstoppable spiral that only makes everything worse because the mother takes the perpetrator's side. And the nine year child, Benni, the wild and angry daughter? Helpless, feels unjustly treated, does not understand the world, is offended and then one wonders that this child reproduces what it has experienced and only when it gets worse and worse, only then - the mother comes. Within Benni’s perspective, you understand, how a trauma trigger works, what emotions in Benni’s head / eyes produces fear and anger and violence. A spiral of violence without end, because the mother is unable to free herself from the partner (perpetrator). This destroys everything for Benni. Benni grew up in an environment that offers no security and no trust. Neither to his mother nor to his brutal friend. How is Benni ever to gain trust? And the film makes sure, she needs someone, a close relationship, not a mother who makes promises and never keeps them. Because of their uncontrolled outbursts of rage, which are also directed against other, weaker children and herself, the spiral of violence becomes more and more blatant. 

The Youth Welfare Office hardly finds any more residential groups to accommodate Benni. And it’s hard to see, that some person’s try to help and recognizes her situation, but can’t solve the problem. When Benni trusts a caregiver, she wants him to be her dad, so urgently is the child  looking for someone to be close to. But too much closeness is not possible in assisted living, it is not professional. Benni actually needs someone with whom she can stay, without thinking that she constantly has to construct alarm conditions (against others and against herself). But that's what she learns: If it's really bad and she's pumped full of sedatives in the hospital, then the mother comes. The mother make promises she don't keep. A new disappointment, insult and rejection. New anger, new rage and Benni comes back to another institution and it starts all over again. To get back to the dramatic triangle: the victim becomes the perpetrator: a victim-perpetrator. The rescuers, the Youth Welfare Office can hardly replace the missing mother. And a long-term solution with one person, what a task... The film physically attacked me (this only did Utøya and Victoria before). It shows violence, but mostly at the edge of the picture and not in your face - and it hurts you so much more, because as a viewer, you fulfill it in your head. The anger, the despair, the hopelessness, also for the carers, frightening. The camera work is sensitive, because she works herself into Benni, we experience and understand her perspective. Benni's emotional world, impressive, also the editing. 

One image will stay for me forever: Benni with the caregiver Micha, they go up a green wooded slope on their nature trip and Benni's garish pink jacket screams into green tones: See me.  The great merit of this film is that it shows how rejected mother love can become arbitrary hatred and anger against all sorts of people and how lost those children are. 

The question arises: Who is the system crasher here: the mother who does not protect her child from her brutal boyfriend? The boyfriend who hits her small children? The girl who defends herself and gets brutal against others in this dysfunctional family? The dynamic of all?  But there is a life without violence, humiliation and destruction, for which one must decide and rather separate from a destroyer. Meeting: ProQuoteFilm. UPGRADE YOUR MIND https://proquote-film.de/#/informationen/news/aktuelles/2019/01/28/upgrade-your-mind-gender-diversitaet/object=post:3946

The Miracle of the Saragossa Sea  Why? Arbitrariness of the police man and the police woman? “tooth by tooth”? Revenge and death? 

There must be other ways to stand up than waving your weapon around and / or practicing vigilante justice.

Basketball Break: After a weak start Alba Berlin wins 82:74 against the lions of Braunschweig. 

La paranze dei bambini https://www.berlinale.de/en/programm/berlinale_programm/datenblatt.html?film_id=201913537

This movie shows the way of the young protagonist Nicola, a fifteen-year-old boy who lives in the narrow streets of Naples. With his mother (she has a little dry cleaning) and his little brother. No school anymore, no work. The mother has to pay protection money to the mafia gang. In Naples, there are different gangs for different areas. With the young boys we ride on scooters through the alleys of the city, experience already the gang fights of the individual groupings of the quarters. Experience the exclusion of the boys, who without brand name clothes and money can't get into the discotheques, while the girls go there, whom they drool after. It is very interesting, how the film constructs via spaces social positions. The districts of the city, the different gangs that control the districts and the only space where everything comes together is here the club, the discotheque. It is divided hierarchically: who is allowed to enter at all, who gets a table at all (only with reservation from 500 € basic consumption) or who stands at the bar or who even sits on the balustrade, above the heads of everyone or who stands in front on stage at the Miss elections. This is how the film depicts the social positions in Italian society, this is how the social positions show themselves: the man has to have money and thereby buys access, the woman has to be young and beautiful - a pretty woman serves to upgrade the man or - having a gun.  This film does not heroise this status, it criticises it and makes the absurd mechanisms clear, which often seems ridiculous. 

The film shows the seduction of power with false rule models, greed, a non-existent rule of law and Naples is a symbol of organized crime and power of patriarchal structures. And: Selfie-narcissism of the modern world. This self-assurance that you do exist, even if you're small, without a job and money.  And how important it is, with whom you make a Selfie, which revaluation this can mean for these boys (in the “sun” of power). How it raises their own importance, almost like Selfies with weapons that will follow.  The film shows the male youthfulness, this machismo and the strange honor and hierarchical thinking. How ridiculous some status rituals seem and how the boys can't escape them, but want to participate in any case. With brand sneakers or gold watches already makes a head dealer of the city? It's really painfully funny, how the movie shows these clichés and tells the mechanism in a reflective way. And via Nicola the audience steps into the spiral of violence. Nicola is a contradictory protagonist. Tender to his mother, girlfriend and brother. Naive first love. A friend you can trust on, a human, but surprised by himself what he's capable of. We are observers of his transformation, from a boy with friends into a “business” gang partner and here, Nicola becomes flexible. We see him worshiping an old family clan myth. It has almost something religious, this worship. But he changes the sides in behave of power - power is its seducer. These are chain-forming decisions which gang group he joins. The film unmasks the gang mentality, the mafia gangster heroism, the ridiculousness of the stupid macho behavior becomes clear. One can imagine that also in the future a young, ambitious offspring will overthrow the old Patrones from the throne somewhere. Nicola lives the traditionell role model: the man is the powerful part and a protector, girls are not in the gangs. Girls part: pretty and servants. That's why he dresses up as a woman to come by for the guards of the mafia boss, because nobody in the mafia world does fear a woman, because women are mothers, wives, “princesses” or servants, but the film cracks that constructed role model with Nikolas masquerade - that was the Mafia boss's doom and Nikola expected that. This scene unfolds the positions and hierarchies between women and men. Again, the triangle of persecutor/perpetrator, rescuer (not really, it always another mafia gang on the victim's side) and the victim.  The mother has to pay money to the mafia (victim), her son Nicola, want’s to protect her (rescuer - the son, not the police). Nicola wants to stop the arbitrary injustice, but chooses a dangerous solution: he want’s to get more powerful (more violent) than the clan how is “protecting” his area. This has serious consequences. He searches powerful partners and a strategy, to stop the payment for his area. The loop of the spiral of violence is tightened and the mechanism of violence and counter violence, revenge and wild, naive masculinity blows bullets around the ears and into the bodies of some children and adults. Which image I will never forget: the boys at the shooting exercise over the rooftops of Naples. How they train shooting, with the many satellite dishes as targets, under the protection of the self-produced fireworks: playfully dumb, between Appearance and Being. How the little boys with the guns seem to be getting strong or powerful, just because they have a gun and destroy their sat recipients.  I liked the camera, how it uses Naples as protagonist, how it plays with the rooms and perspectives and how it captures Nikola's feelings.  Plus: Never under estimate the power of a big gold frame. These apartments, these furnishings styles, the Italians' penchant for playing big golden Monarchie, crazy! 

L’ adieu á la nuit Please, can someone make a film about Muslims in Europe and show, that the Islam is not violent “by nature”? Excuse me, I myself will listen like a preacher because I cannot believe that the mechanisms of the situation is not better represented.  The movie: Heaven will wait https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PgFiZwQdQM shows more sensitive and deep, how the brainwash of young, not self-assured people works.

André Téchiné gives answers? On his point of view, the new law for better police surveillance has led to the seizure of the three potential extremists. In my opinion: Telecommunication surveillance only with order because of the well-founded suspicion of international threat, does not simply interfere with civil rights for no reason and is monitored on a massive scale. 

Why fight only the symptoms instead of the reasons? The film is unfortunately very short-sighted and only remains on the surface. 

Synonymes A strangely funny-grotesque movie. I don’t know..?? How can you get rid of yourself: your past? Why would you take that off like a coat? That's impossible in life, but a change of location maybe helps. How knows? Somehow you have to deal with your experiences as well as you can. Looking back, looking ahead, doing things differently. And it will always get better with friends, new or old.  Absurde situation, the integration curse. I recognized: i do not like the french Nationale Hymnen, neither the german one or another. This power pose, urgh.  There is no "better" nationality. There is also no "better" religion.  Also in France the integration courses are as almost stupid and humiliating as in Germany and I don't like how the national arrogance towards the "newcomers" is radiated. That was very self-ironic and reflective presented. In that situation I want to inline a statement into the members of the course:  Equal rights without egalitarianism! A personal request: Please, respect the individual human being beyond national belonging. Equal rights for all people, equal opportunities for all sexes of all origins.  People are, for me, never “only” a nationality. It sounds almost strange to write that because it's so logical, but lately I have to emphasize that somehow. Nationality, double Nationality, french german, french italian, french israeli or german turkish AND also a Man or Woman, a Child, a Lover, a Dancer, a Security Worker, a Photographer, a Book Lover, a most dodified scrambled egg chef AND/OR a Spaghetti Lover AND jewish or muslim or catholic or non believing (scientifically possible: the big bang came out of nowhere): a complex human identity, with a past of a present and a future, with many layers. Are you able to see this? Or are you focusing your light just on only one layer? And the others are left dark? In my eyes - this could be represented more and in other and different aspects in that movie. The possibilities of understanding in this film are very wide fields.  The visual language, I was not convinced. (I smelled old teeth all the time, hopefully not mine? No. Mine must have smelled like cherries.)

Der Boden unter den Füßen Zerfiel, vor dem falschen Kino, in einzelne Buchstaben und alles über den Füßen müsste sich als Zeitungsvogel hinter einem Blätterbündel wieder zusammensetzen.

Kiz Kardesler  Dialogpreis, mein persönlicher, geht nach Anatolien. In Liebe mit Szenenbild und Kamera. Wundervolles Casting.  End of the Day - The possibilities of understanding are all in those movies and yourself. 

[disgracefulthings]

Luo Binghe: Shang-Shishu, my Shizun mentioned something called a 'cat girl'. I need to know what it is and why it's taking my Shizun's attention!

Shang Qinghua: Well it's a girl with cat ears, a tail, and claws

Luo Binghe: That's it? What is so special about 'cat girls' that has my Shizun so intrigued?

Shang Qinghua: Well you see, hmmm. Ok, close your eyes

Luo Binghe, reluctantly closing his eyes: Ok?

Shang Qinghua: Now imagine your Shizun, and think about how he would look if he had cat ears and a cat tail

Luo Binghe, instantly opening his eyes: I understand completely. How can I do that to Shizun?

Shang Qinghua, scheming: Well, I might know of a couple of plants that could help...

[disgracefulthings]

Modern Day Scum Villain AU where Shang Qinghua adopts Luo Binghe who was left abandoned with no family, or so everyone thought. One day Tianlang-Jun (I have no idea what his human name would be) shows up and reveals that he is Binghe's birth father. Turns out he was sent to prison on false charges, and when he was let out he learned that his lover was dead and so he tracked down their son. He doesn't want to take Binghe away from Shang Qinghua, mostly because he thinks he would be a shit father on his own, so they agree to co-parent the kid. The people around them are like ' this is going to end up like one of those love stories where both parents fall for each other', but nope, Shang Qinghua and Tianlang-Jun can't stand each other. Their parenting style differs too much and they keep getting in each other's way. The situation gets worse when Shang Qinghua starts seeing Mobei-Jun (again, I don't know what to do for a human name), which adds to him trying to be Binghe's step father

[disgracefulthings]

I think there should also be a Moshang version of this, where Shang Qinghua tells Mobei-Jun what his sect siblings have been up to, and Mobei-Jun has a moment like 'Oh, so that how humans get married', and so he goes on a journey to find their own half demon baby and finds one floating down the Luo River. He takes the baby and brings it to Shang Qinghua

Mobei-Jun, shoving a baby into Shang Qinghua's hands: Hold this

Shang Qinghua: What, my king???

Mobei-Jun: He's our son. We're married now

Shang Qinghua: WTF

Mobei-Jun would be so smug like 'I am so good at marrying my human', meanwhile Shang Qinghua's head is a constant stream of 'wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf-'. His story is ruined. The scum villain is happily married with a kid, his own protagonist son is currently in his arms, and his would-be killer just got them married

Shen Qingqiu, handing Yue Qingyuan a baby: Hold this

Yue Qingyuan: Of course, Xiao-Jiu. Who is this?

Shen Qingqiu: This is Shen Yuan, our child. I gave birth to him. You will take responsibility

Yue Qingyuan: Of course. I will make preparations for our wedding ASAP

Shen Qingqiu: Good.

Qi Qingqi: I don't remember Shen Qingqiu being pregnant?

Mu Qingfang: I believe that our shixiong just grabbed some random orphan to baby trap Yue Qingyuan with

[rarepears]

#Sometimes I wish I had a SLIVER of Airplanes drive to write these stories TT^TT (via @voltron2020)

What a mood. Can someone please write this fic out for me?

#omg do airplane and cucumber know who their babies are#like does the system tell them?#like the system can’t create an oc so have the two souls we had from when you transmigrated lol#ofc the world airplane wrote would recycle it’s characters#does Binghe seeth with envy that lqg got a kid with his shizun#also the idea of yqy and mbj trying to be responsible dads to their maybe kid#meanwhile airplane is sweating wondering how to tell his sect leader that the baby ain’t his#while wondering if his baby is half demon#does mbj think they are now married tho#I feel like him assuming they are marrried would be in character (via @caranmerya)

Once Mobei Jun hears of the Cang Qiong Sect rumors of Yue Qingyuan being the father of Shang Qinghua's baby, he's ready to assert dominance! How dare this cultivation try to intrude on his marriage!

Except Yue Qingyuan did fight Tianlang Jun and won that fight and Mobei Jun's attempt at beating up Yue Qingyuan ended with the demon teleporting away, so... Mobei Jun decides that he shall graciously allow Yue Qingyuan to be the Second Husband. Plus, Yue Qingyuan is a decent and well intentioned parent - having more trust worthy adult figures in his son's life will help prevent a Linguang-Jun type of figure from sabotaging his son's life.

(Insert long backstory of Mobei Jun fighting his brothers for the Northern throne.)

Shang Qinghua has no fucking clue who could be the parent of his son! If fact... he's actually wondering if... it has anything to do with the protagonist. After all, in chapter XXXX, Luo Binghe and Wife XXX conceived a child via magical spirit cave with no active participation on Luo Binghe's part! The protagonist was kilometers away banging up another woman and this wife was looking for a way to get Luo Binghe's attention again!

Shang Qinghua really hopes that the father of his baby is not the very underage protagonist; Cucumber-bro would kill him.

-o-o-o-

Nope, neither Shen Yuan nor Airplane are aware because babies are babies so no amount of "prodigal talent" (for Shen Jiu at least) can speed up muscle development! And when Shen Jiu can speak, he finds himself mysteriously unable to say any words alluding to his previous life (thanks system).

Shen Yuan does wonder how his son is so good at making up stories and asking "what if's". Like what if in his previous life, the kid was a cultivation peak lord. Such a good imagination - must be Airplane's fault!

As for Luo Binghe... well, he had an adoptive mother and he loved his adoptive mother far more than the biological parents that he had! So honestly, this situation just means that shizun's son is in need of a stepfather!

And at a young enough age, shizun's son won't remember his biological father...

(Insert Luo Binghe's 5 year plan on how he will get rid of and replace Liu Qingge.)

-o-o-o-o-

Liu Qingge finally understands why his parents have constantly told him that "once you are a parent, the entire world will look different". He sees danger in every corner of the world! It must be because he's now very consciously aware of every danger and near-death situation his son might be in which is why he feels like this world is far more dangerous than before!

Because really, the world isn't any more dangerous than before; he's just more aware of it.

[Read more in #Liu Qingge thinks that he's the father of Shen Yuan's cultivation baby (aka Shen Jiu in baby form) au]

Consider: in the caves instead of accidentally killing lqg sj and him cultivate a baby sy. Now sj is pestered by lqg because he will “take responsibility” and yqy is coming by to give him sad eyes even more frequently! Not sure if sj would keep baby sy or throw him at lqg like your fault your kid. Airplane in the background is Losing It TM

Okay, no it would be far far more hilarious if it was Shen Yuan and Liu Qingge in the caves and the baby is Shen Jiu - a baby Shen Jiu with all his memories and grudges still in tact.

And Shen Jiu is absolutely infuriated that Liu Qingge is his father now. He would rather be an orphan than acknowledge a body snatcher and a brute as his parents! Or so he complains in his head every time he's denied more tanghulu before dinner.

Insert scenes of Shen Jiu bullying Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge just going, "Ah, he inherited Shen Qingqiu's old personality..." (Yeah, Cang Qiong sees baby Shen Jiu's temperament as proof of Shen Yuan being the real Shen Qingqiu, just without his memories.)

-o-o-o-o-

But most importantly!!!! The caves gain a reputation of causing male cultivators to cultivate babies after Shang Qinghua ends up with an OG!Shang Qinghua baby!

(As for the other "parent"? It's thought to be Yue Qingyuan who was just passing by, but Shang Qinghua wonders if it's Mobei-Jun who had rudely interrupted Airplane's cultivation seclusion by teleporting into the caves.)

OG!Shang Qinghua, unlike Shen Jiu, is a real baby.

And so we get funny-awkward trio of Mobei Jun and Yue Qingyuan (unknowingly) battling each other for better "father" title of the year.

[Read more in #Liu Qingge thinks that he's the father of Shen Yuan's cultivation baby (aka Shen Jiu in baby form) au]