#ahem capitalism ahem
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goabstract · 5 months ago
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They're just rules! They're written in a book, not carved in stone. And even if they were in stone, so what? A bunch of us just made them up.
First Grand Nagus in Quark's dream.
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bmpmp3 · 6 months ago
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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juanabaloo · 9 months ago
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also why the fuck can i not buy Maya Lopez gear, like a t-shirt? also - RELATED - why the fuck can i not buy Naru gear?
(Maya Lopez is the hero of the Marvel series Echo. Naru is the hero of the Prey movie, a prequel to the Predator franchise.)
you would think capitalism would mean this gear would be available. but fucking racism and/or anti-Native sentiment means these companies are throwing money away by not offering that.
all i can find for Echo / Maya are posters. all i can find for Prey / Naru is a figurine of the Predator! like i want a t-shirt i want a hoodie i want a hat. with Maya's face. with Naru's face. WTF.
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fazgoo-connoiseur-1987 · 4 months ago
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Y'know i joke a lot about how wild it is the Faz Inc get away with all that but then i remember the real life awful shit companies do like All The Time and it's less of an exageration than i thought huh
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daily-hyosatsu · 11 months ago
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A lovely old-fashioned restaurant in Ginza! The large kanji in the middle says 季の庭 Toki No Niwa (and the smaller characters on the left are furigana: ときのにわ). The small characters on the right say 春夏���冬 (Shunkashūtō​), .
季 means season, and its only reading is キ. Its radicals are 禾 two-branch tree and 子 child.
庭 means garden, courtyard, or yard. It's read にわ and テイ. Its radicals are 广 house on a cliff, 廴 long stride, and 王 king.
春 means spring. It’s read はる or シュン. The bottom radical is 日 sun, and the top is made up of 一 one, 二 two, 人 person, and 大 big.
夏 means summer. It's read なつ, カ, ガ, or ゲ. From top to bottom, its radicals are 一 one, 目 eye or 自 self (to be it looks like self; not sure why it says both but okay!), and 夂 late/delayed/winter.
秋 means (you know where this is going!) autumn. It's read あき, とき, or シュウ. The radicals are 禾 two-branch tree (again!) and 火 fire.
冬 means winter. It's read ふゆ orトウ. Its radicals are 夂 late/delayed/winter (naturally), and two dots 丶 or ice 冫.
Finally, while the word 春夏秋冬 does mean the four seasons, it's kind of a.... fancy/literary/idiomatic usage. In daily conversation, you are more likely to hear 四季 [しき], and that mostly from older Japanese people who are convinced that the four seasons are a phenomenon that is found nowhere else in the world.
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manic-pixie-dream-dude · 2 years ago
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WIPs!
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skyward-floored · 1 year ago
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I guess this means that we gotta finish up Triforce Heroes before SOMEONE *glares daggers at Nintendo* takes it away from us
Well lucky for us we only have the boss level in the ruins, the four sky levels, and the den of trials if you want to try that! We also have until April, so I hope that’ll be enough time...
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lonewolflink · 8 months ago
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sometimes i think about how mike green didn't win a norris trophy the season he scored THIRTY GOALS AS A DEFENSEMAN in the fucking dead puck era and i want to break something
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wellhalesbells · 11 months ago
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LIAR YOU TOTALLY WATCHED ONE SEQUEL!!! 😉💜
https://www.tumblr.com/wellhalesbells/736050291745652736/friendraichu-jackironsides
HAHAHAHA, I should clarify that I just mean for super hero-y ones. I mostly watch the first one and rarely watch the second (or anything after...... or remakes, lol), I think the only Marvel one I've seen in recent history is Thor: Ragnarok. Actually, the Spider-man franchise pretty much encapsulates how I interact with Marvel properties: I saw the first trilogy because it was new and exciting at the time, then they remade it too fast and I refused to pay for something I just saw, that was so recent in my memory from the release date I could still remember exact scenes from it (THERE WERE ONLY FIVE YEARS BETWEEN SPIDER-MAN 3 AND THE REBOOT - THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN. HOW IS THAT ENOUGH TIME FOR ANYONE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN???), then I watched the first Tom Holland one (fourteen years I can vibe with) and nothing that followed because that's generally when the gimmicks and cameos start in lieu of good story-telling, or they make it dark and gritty because that's the only way to ground this superhuman, right (I assume a random white guy: "Should we fridge a lady? Yeah, we should probably fridge a lady"). The first one generally at least tries to have a soul because they have to introduce the character and make you care about them but many of the ones that follow (the few I've seen from when the MCU was just starting out and I had hope *coughs*Iron Man 2, Thor 2, etc.*coughs*) are just cash grabs that don't try because you already love this character and there they are, right there, so money please!
Meg 2 however..... EPIC, NO NOTES. It knows if I was a shark girl, I was probably a dinosaur girl and it gambled correctly. That's what you're watching this for? Have three sharks and an unnecessary (probably stupid expensive) dinosaur intro that is nearly completely irrelevant to the story but that you will also not want to live without and for an extra special bonus: oblivious husbands and their brilliant daughter. Like. You got me nailed, my dude. Will watch every subsequent sequel, no questions asked.
#i do understand that spider-man is a bullshit studio thing#and that it's a marvel property that belongs to sony and i implied everything is under the mcu umbrella#(and i honestly don't fault them for remaking it. instead i just don't understand how there was an audience for it???)#but they're all guilty of the same shit for different but also EXACTLY THE SAME reasons#they want to fleece money from me. because that's how it feels: like i'm being swindled#they're not earning my money through good content but instead through brand recognition and shared cultural touchstones#YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MONEY MOUSE#sony you can when it's miles (that is a sequel i DID watch and that DID have a soul imo) :))))#something similar (cash grabs) are pretty much the exact reason i stopped reading marvel comics too#capitalism ruins everything#for a moral everyone knows *snorts*#also generally the sequels have bigger budgets and just to quote freckle...... sometimes things that are expensive are worse#great things sometimes come from people having to work within constraints and when you aren't given any....... terrible things can happen#like bbc sherlock lolol. AHEM#basically if i watch a sequel now it has to be a character i am VERY invested in so i'm willing to be burned - deadpool or miles#or it has to break containment from people who will go see anything with a marvel sticker on it to people who..... won't#and still recommend it - like ragnarok#(i wonder if NOT going the dark gritty route and instead having a fun story with a conflict that wasn't dependent on outdoing every#other conflict that came before it in this whole universe had aNYTHING to do with its success. hrm. it's a mystery!)#normally i would answer this privately but i had to explain about the sony thing so you would know i KNEW about the sony thing and then....#tag explosion and now it has to be public and i'm sorry i went on a mouse rant. I HATE THE MONOPOLY MOUSE I JUST DO.#IT'S BAD AND IT MAKES BAD LAZY THINGS THAT KILL CREATIVITY (AND NOW ALSO FUNDS GENOCIDE SO)#!ask
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glitchdollmemoria · 1 year ago
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also on the topic of that last post, poverty seriously is so fucking traumatizing lol. now that i have foodstamps i make sure some of what i buy is shelf stable food that i can stockpile if i dont eat it within the month, because i dont trust that my benefits wont be slashed or completely taken away at the whim of whoever is in charge. ill probably always be a food hoarder because of the complete fear i experienced when dealing with food scarcity. ill probably always be the type to try to spend as little as possible because the more i have in savings, the more of a cushion ill have if i lose income, the less ill have to be batshit fucking terrified if that happens. i hear people casually talk about having not worked for a while, saying "yeahhh haha i should probably get a job again" and i feel fucking insane because ive been living under the fact that if i lose my job, i either need to find a new one immediately or im dead. literally dead, i am not fucking exaggerating, because i as a very disabled person would not be able to survive unhoused, and thats what will happen if i miss any more rent payments. and like, im only talking about my own situation, but fuck dude. this shit is traumatic, that is the word for it, and governments are complicit in this trauma when they dont provide the support needed for people to live safe and happy lives. and thats its own sort of trauma too, really - realizing that the people in power, by and large, are not on your side, that they do not give a fuck about your comfort or safety or life, that they do not give a single fucking shit if you die. all of it is traumatic.
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whattadroid · 2 months ago
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So it's been a few days but I can't stop thinking about this. It's kind of a long story so I'll put it under the cut but there's a tldr in the tags.
When I got home from rewatching Alien: Romulus, there was blood smeared all over the tile floor in my bathroom. There were drag marks, something seemed to roll around in it, and there were large blood droplets everywhere. My bathroom is like 7ft by 6ft, and when I mean everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE.
And in the middle of the room, completely still, at the center of all of the blood, stood a mouse.
The mouse was FULLY untouched. I like, angled myself around it to look for injuries and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. It even moved a step at one point so I could see under where it was standing and there was NOTHING.
My cats aren't allowed in my bathroom (the door is always closed) but I checked them over and they were all fine. My dogs aren't even allowed in the room attached to the bathroom, but they were fine too.
There was (imo) too much blood to have all come from a mouse, and the blood droplets looked like they needed to be dripped from at LEAST 1ft in the air. They were the sort of heavy drops that HUMANS get when they're bleeding heavily for god's sake. I wish I had taken a picture before I mopped it all up, but I didn't.
So I had JUST come home from watching a movie with a scene involving a really fucked up rat only to then open the door to my blood-covered bathroom and see a mouse standing perfectly still in the center.
Anyway, I sort of quietly closed the door and let that mouse do whatever it wanted, because it was very alive so I couldn't just grab it. I assume the blood WAS from a mouse (maybe even THAT mouse, somehow) and it just dragged it around so far that it looked like a murder scene, but I have no explanation for the blood drops. They aren't pools of blood, they were DROPS, and they were clean and uniform.
We have a security system and my parents were home the whole time. There are no windows in my bathroom, but there is a vent on the ceiling. Whatever it was, it started bleeding once it was inside of my bathroom, stopped bleeding at the end of a trail, and then vanished. Or, if it WAS the mouse, did a very very very good job at hiding any injuries it had and carefully maneuvering from the end of the trail--through wet blood--to its eventual spot at the only clean spot in the center of my bathroom floor.
The mouse was gone when I checked back an hour later.
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reapkusho · 4 months ago
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*cracks your window open* Modernism is a disease upon the human soul's understanding of art, beauty, and detail. *jumps off*
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i3utterflyeffect · 7 months ago
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Favorite color?
Something you think is cool?
Signature accessory or an accessory you wish you had?
oh shit! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my favorite color like. i'd tell you yes but it's generally in the range of pink, purple, aqua? i love a good blue but purple and pinks are nice and every color is so pretty it's wild
uh 'something that i think is cool' is really vague. sweats. i like biblically accurate angels/seraphim? those are neat to me. if i had to choose something to look like i'd probably choose that because what the fuck is identity, transcend humanity
signature accessory has gotta be headphones though. i never go anywhere w/o them. when i hang around in the house i take them off (and also i can't put them on rn bc i keep getting migraines for some reason and the headphones make it worse) but i do have the headphones autism.
if i had to pick a different one it'd probably be my shitty old ipad bc that's what i actually use to draw lol. i just call the apple pencil i have a tablet pen bc like. idk apple pencil just sounds snobby. it sounds like i'm proud that i paid 100 dollars for a stupid tech pen that has no way of attaching to your ipad that is made to be RIDICULOUSLY EASY TO LOSE SO YOU CAN BUY MORE. APPLE. I'M LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU.
anyways idk where this came from but. ty for the questions ig sdgkdsjglsdgksg
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genshin-impact-updates · 7 months ago
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Vanquisher of Phantoms, Vigil of the Long Night
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"...Word to the wise, friend. The evidence against you is irrefutable. If you want to uphold your honor, atonement is an option. You could still do much good... There's no need to resort to a duel. I mean, your opponent is Clorinde. *That* Clorinde, you hear? Oh, for the love of the Fountain of Lucine... If you go up against her, you'll wind up without even the strength to confess your crimes!"
— A sincere letter that a certain wealthy merchant who had pleaded "Not Guilty" received on the eve of a duel.
◆ Name: Clorinde
◆ Title: Candlebearer, Shadowhunter
◆ Champion Duelist
◆ Vision: Electro
◆ Constellation: Rapperia
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Disputes are a Mora a dozen in Fontaine, day in and day out.
A playwright might accuse a fanatical reader of imitating their style and taking up a pen name too close to their own, to the point that even the newspapers could not distinguish the genuine article. A merchant might accuse a colleague of targeted, malicious, cutthroat competition, of not only constantly adjusting their prices, but of intentionally setting up shop directly opposite them...
Ordinary disputes can be settled by Gardes rushing onto the scene, but there are always a minority of claimants who, thinking themselves most clever in their ulterior intent, will obstinately press for court proceedings just to get their name out there — and if their duel applications were to be approved, they might be famous indeed!
However, if some well-meaning neighbor were to tell them: "I've heard that the most recently rostered Champion Duelist is Miss Clorinde..."
These same clever folk would almost instantly be deflated of all their arrogant airs, like a Violetgold Angler Gull caught by the neck, and cease such prattle altogether.
For all are well-acquainted with the name of the "mightiest" Champion Duelist.
Beneath her blade, all despicable deeds that aim to capitalize on mere fortune under the guise of decency will show their true colors — and she has never once known defeat in a duel.
"...Ahem. Oh, uh... I suppose there's no need to go that far, is there?
So does a clever person, very nearly hoisted by their own petard, flee the scene.
And thus is another such altercation, undercut by ulteriority, discreetly dissipated.
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tswhiisftteedr · 9 months ago
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Heyyyy, could you do a oneshot f!reader x Zestial nsfw pretty please ? 🙏
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Tea Salon ☆ One Shot
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Zestial x Salon Owner Sinner!Fem!Reader:
A young woman with big dreams ready to be achieve was what you were, after making a deal with Overlord Rosie you soon found out that your Salon wasn't the only thing that would bloom in your afterlife...
Warning: Mature Content, Explicit/Graphic Language, Honestly Nothing Kinky, Husband and wife, Praise kink, Creampie, Oral(Female receiving), Old English, NOT PROOFREAD.
Words: 5907
Note: okay if you know anything about business, I am so sorry cuz I don’t, I just did some quick research so if it just looks like a bunch of gibberish (Rosie and reader’s meeting), I am sorry! Also a lot of Rosie in the beginning, like zestial is mentioned but doesn’t show up until the shop is open for a little while.
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☆ more under the cut. ☆
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In your living, you've always appreciated the simplicity of nature-oriented lifestyle reminiscent of earlier eras. It's not that you have anything against new technologies; you own a smartphone and laptop, after all. What irks you is the over-consumerism perpetuated by planned obsolescence.
Your expectation when purchasing something is that it should function and endure, offering value for the time and money invested. The capitalist mindset, with its overproduction and resulting overconsumption, is something you strongly dislike.
Capitalism inherently creates a class conflict between capital and labor. While capitalists aim for high profits, workers may endure exploitation, receiving wages consistently lower than the true value of their labor.
When you had finally passed away due to a malfunctioning smart car and had discovered that even in the afterlife, people still had to work tirelessly to meet end means, you couldn't deny that you felt disappointed.
With a background in restoration, you secured a position in a somewhat upscale restaurant – well, upscale for Hell's pride ring standards. Although you initially started as a garbage boy, you quickly ascended the ranks to become a server.
Devoting longer hours than your colleagues, by choice, you harbored a goal beyond mere survival in the hellscape. You held an ambition, a genuine dream – to establish a tea salon and sustain yourself through it.
Envisioning your own establishment, you aimed to offer freshly baked treats and brewed tea for guests to enjoy while engaging in lively conversations and gossip.
You were well aware of whose assistance was crucial for your project. Overlord Rosie served as your golden ticket to a thriving salon. You needed her help to secure a building in the border zone shared by her and Overlord Zestial, as both of their people were of interest when envisioning the kind of establishment you hope to open.
After three months of relentless work and an additional month of patiently waiting for an appointment on her end, you finally managed to secure a meeting with the elegant cannibal;
"So, what do you have for me today, darling?" she inquires.
"Well, Madam Rosie—" you begin, but you're promptly interrupted by the demon before you.
"Oh, dear, no need for all those 'madam' formalities for a sweet thing like you. Just call me Rosie. But if you insist on honorifics, then ‘Miss Rosie’ will do!" The leader of Hell's cannibal district and owner of the Rosie emporium cheerfully encourages you to address her casually. Despite the power difference, her amiable attitude eases any tension surrounding your sales pitch.
"Oh, very well then. Ahem, Miss Rosie, I'd like to seek your assistance for a passion project of mine," you pause, collecting your thoughts.
"I'm interested in opening a tea salon. It's been four months since I arrived in hell, and I've been searching extensively for the perfect building. Coincidentally, it's situated on your side of the shared border zone with Overlord Zestial. I understand it's not owned by you as part of the border zone, but being on the edge of your colony grants you some jurisdiction."
"Is that so," she replies, sipping her tea. "I appreciate the idea of a tea salon near my territory. Please elaborate more about the idea itself."
"Of course! I personally dislike the over-consumerism that existed on Earth and persists in hell. My goal is to establish one or two shops at most—something familial and local instead of a big chain. I aim to offer freshly baked and brewed drinks for my customers, who would come from all over the Pentagram. I do acknowledge that most of my clientele would be from your people, Overlord Zestial's, and those from the Radio Demon's territory. A simple analysis suggests that sinners from those areas may be more in tune with the concept, as they hail from eras when such establishments were more common," you explain.
"Well, that's all delightful, darling, but, as you rightly point out, the concept isn't foreign in these circles. Your salon is certainly not the first in these parts. No offense to your aspirations, but I'm struggling to see what sets you apart, something that would entice me to invest."
"As for standing out, I may or may not have direct access to products from the living world," you reveal, prompting Rosie to set down her cup.
"Well, isn't that interesting?" she remarks, now more intrigued.
"Yes, indeed it is. I can assure you that not only would my products be fresh, but they would exclusively feature ingredients from the living world – a culinary experience many down here yearn for. Additionally, I can promise you the highest quality of tea, such as Ceylon," you confidently declare.
"And how would someone like you, who sought an Overlord's assistance, have access to such materials? I'm not necessarily doubting you, but connecting the dots is a bit challenging," she says joyfully.
"Oh, I apologize, but I cannot disclose the identities of my procurers. I've signed an NDA as obtaining items from the world upstairs isn't their primary business. Additionally this avoids attracting requests from other companies, I'm afraid they'll have to remain nameless," you explain.
"Well, isn't that convenient for you, fufufu~ I suppose you'll have to prove your word in other ways," she remarks.
"Indeed, perhaps I have an idea on how to do so that you'd like to hear," you suggest.
"I'm all ears," she replies.
"I've noticed there's a kitchen in this building, so I was contemplating rescheduling another meeting soon after this one. During that meeting, I plan not only to bring in earthly ingredients but also to bake something for you. This would showcase my kitchen skills while simultaneously proving my capability to provide the desired products," you express.
"Well, that does seem feasible. I'll pencil you in for next Monday," she replies, jotting something down on her notepad that had been on the coffee table since the start of the meeting. "Now, shall we discuss payment?" she asks.
"Yes, please. As mentioned earlier, I'll handle the supply for my business. What I need from you is assistance in acquiring the building, help with renovations since it's a bit run-down, and perhaps some promotion to your people concerning work, as I'll still require staff when I eventually open. I've checked the listing for the building itself, and I have more than enough for the purchase. However, when renovations and promoting are considered, my budget becomes a bit tight. I was thinking of a BNPL for that part," you explain.
"Alright then, that doesn't seem too bad. How about this: I get 10% of the overall monthly revenue from your establishment. I still need to make some money, after all, fufufu~ Additionally, we can consider a 1-year BNPL plan to repay the renovation loan. And one more thing: to prove your establishment's worth, aim for a minimum 20% net profit by the end of the year since opening day. How does that sound to you?" she inquires.
"10 percent isn't too stiff, but a 20% net profit may be a little challenging in only a year of business. However, I believe in my dream!" you cheerfully exclaim.
"I'm glad you agree, though I still need some collateral for your loan. But let's discuss that after I get to see your skills in action," she tells you a bit more seriously.
"Makes sense," you reply.
"I think that's all for today unless you still have something to talk about," she asks.
"No, that's all from my side," you tell her.
"Wonderful, darling! I hope to see you Monday at 12:35 a.m.," she says as she stands up and points to the door.
"Yes, so do I," you respond as you exit the room.
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Leaving her building, you were more than pleased that the meeting had gone well. Once home, as you collapsed on your couch, releasing all your stress, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the chance encounter with that imp during your first month in hell;
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On that day, you had ventured to imp city for errands, finding Carmine products a bit too pricey for your liking. Seeking an alternative for self-defense, you visited a gun shop there.
Exiting the store, you witnessed a heartbreaking scene—an imp being beaten up by a group of sinners, degrading names thrown at him. While you refrained from intervening, as it wasn't your place, the revelation that they were targeting the imp simply because he was an imp, compelled you to approach and ensure he wasn't fatally harmed.
Before you could rouse his battered form with a shake, he uttered, "The hell you want."
"Oh, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," you reassure him.
"Bullshit," he retorts loudly. "Listen, fucking pickpocket, those assholes already took everything I had on me, besides my clothes. And I sure as hell won't be stroll down these motherfucking streets in my underwear. So, if you wanted anything, too bad, now you have until the count of ten before I blow a hole in your skull," he rudely warns.
"First of all, I'm not going to rob you. Second, how are you going to shoot me if you just said you had nothing on you? And thirdly, I was serious about checking on you. It's unfair that they beat you up just for being an imp. It's messed up, honestly. Since sinners don't have specific races like back on Earth, they just go after other beings to exercise their racist ideology," you say.
"Humans sure do love their racism," he remarks, still untrusting but more open to conversation.
"Sinners are down here for a reason, but hellspawns are different. They're currently living their lives, just like humans did back on Earth. And yet, the damned are considered superior? That's just messed up," you express sincerely. In your view, hell's hierarchy wasn't fair. ‘If this was the sinners' punishment, why categorize them as better than imps—creatures born here, not getting punished for misconduct.’
With that sentiment resonating in your words, the imp seemed more at ease as he responded to your next words. "Anyways, you need medical attention. Let's get to a hospital."
"Do you have the money for medical bills, or even the admission fee? 'Cause I sure don't," he replies, a grin on his face, strangely charming despite his black eye and cut lips.
"Yeah, sorry, pal. I can't afford the rates for treating you; I'm saving for something big," you convey with sadness in your voice.
He chuckles at your honesty. "Thought so," he replies, allowing his body to rest against the brick wall of the alley even more, as if surrendering.
"My place is far from here. Do you have any first aid supplies at yours?" you inquire, a slight panic setting in, concerned that if he fell asleep, he might not make it, even though he wasn't bleeding excessively. Yet, he didn't appear likely to stay conscious much longer.
"Yeah, but it's too far from here," he begins, heightening your anxiety. "Though my office isn't. There's some there too," he adds, his eyes glossy, appearing on the verge of passing out at any moment.
"Alright then, just give me the address, and I'll take you there," he somewhat reluctantly grumbled out the location before passing out.
Entering the address into your phone's search engine and hoisting the imp onto your back, you walked to the location.
Quite aware that cab drivers might attempt to take extort you, especially considering you were a human carrying an injured imp, you opted for the slower but more cost-effective walking route, reaching the destination in about 25 minutes.
Climbing the stairs to the seventh floor drained your energy, but your adrenaline surged upon encountering a hellhound and two imps inside the office.
The hellhound growled and barked aggressively, while the female imp simultaneously yelled and prepared for a fight. The only one not seeing red was the male imp, who was trying to make sense of the situation.
"What the hell happened to Blitzø!??" the hellhound demanded.
"Yeah, what the hell did you do to him!?!??" the female imp added, brandishing a knife.
"Millie, calm down. If they brought him here, they're most likely not the ones who hurt him," the male imp reasoned with the female.
"Yeah, it wasn't me. He got beaten up by a group of supremacist sinners," you explained as you gently placed him on the couch in the room. "He told me he had a first aid kit here, so I brought him here as neither he nor I could afford the hospital bills."
"And how can we be sure you aren't part of the jerks who hurt him, huh?" the female imp asked, her nerves still on edge, clearly showing concern for the imp. ‘Well, no, Millie showed concern a lot about Blitz.’
"You can just ask him when he wakes up, but right now, he needs help. So, can any of you bring the kit, and we'll get this over with."
With reluctance, the hellhound, whom you soon learned was named Luna, retrieved the kit and left the healing to the male imp, Moxxie. They preferred you not to touch him any further.
After briefly stepping out to grab some missing antiseptic, you observed as they took care of him. You had convinced your way into staying until he awoke; the thought that his injuries might be worse than you initially thought haunted you, and you couldn't bear the idea that he might have died if you hadn't brought him here fast enough.
After Blitzø had regained consciousness, he thanked you and offered a 50% discount on your first kill. Curious about the statement, you informed him that you weren't aware of what his company specialized in. He somewhat joyfully played their commercial for you.
Finding it all very intriguing, you inquired about the possibility of them visiting the living world for a different purpose, which he confirmed but clarified it wasn't their company's business.
Tugging a bit at their heartstrings, particularly after saving Blitzø, you divulged your ambitions. To stand out and make your dream a reality, you needed something unique, and they held the key to it. Your request was for them to procure ingredients from the human world.
Blitzø exhibited reluctance, but Millie underwent a 180-degree shift, genuinely eager to assist you, with her husband supporting her. After some persuasion, you struck a deal with I.M.P. In exchange for 5/7 of the usual kill price and keeping things on the down low, they agreed to provide you with a weekly shipment of the groceries.
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Returning to the present, it was now Monday, and you found yourself 10 minutes ahead of schedule, standing in front of Rosie's emporium with a large cooler containing your ingredients.
An employee inside noticed you through the sizable glass entry doors and came out to guide you to the kitchen. They assured you that they would inform Rosie of your arrival and gave you the green light to start setting up.
True to your word, you efficiently prepared the kitchen, and right on schedule, Rosie arrived to find a clean and ready-to-use workspace, along with the promised fresh and earthy ingredients;
"Looks like you're a woman of your word, aren't you, dear?" Rosie remarked as she grabbed some dairy products and checked the expiration dates on them.
"Of course, and I wouldn't even dream of lying to you in the first place," you assured her.
"Oh, how trustworthy you are, fufufu~" she teased.
"Of course, now should I begin?" you asked, and she replied affirmatively.
With that, the baking commenced. Your choice of treat for today was a Charlotte au fraise. In about 35 minutes, you finished the preparation.
The dessert needed to chill for 8 hours in the fridge, but anticipating such a wait, you had invested in a 'chill crystal' for today and the future. This crystal is essential for cooks and bakers alike in hell as it significantly reduces the time a dish needs to be refrigerated.
Using it, your 8 hours turned into 25 minutes. During that time, you cleaned your equipment and the kitchen and, of course, brewed some tea for Rosie.
Upon reaching the 25-minute mark, you brought out the cake, cut a slice for Rosie, and served her a cup of tea. She relished every last bit of it;
"This was all wonderful, y/n," she expressed. "I am sure of it now, I will definitely invest in your dream!"
"Oh, thank you, Miss Rosie! You don't know how much this means to me!" you exclaimed joyfully.
"I'm glad I can help. But now that we've agreed I'll lend my assistance to you on your adventure, I still need you to agree on the collateral for the BNPL I want."
"Oh, of course. What is it?" you asked.
"Well, it's elementary, dear. What I want is... your soul!" she told you.
"Oh, well, that's only until I pay you back, right?" You asked worriedly.
"Yes, of course. If everything goes well and you pay me back before the deadline, you'll get your soul back. But if you exceed the time limit, your soul will indefinitely belong to me. I hope you understand that," she explained.
With a gulp, you spoke up, "I understand, Miss. Rosie."
"Wonderful, then... 'It's a deal,'" she declared, and with those words, a bright pink contract materialized, altering the entire room's shade. Nervously, you picked up a pen from the table and signed your soul away.
As you pulled away from the contract, a pink chain momentarily appeared around your neck, then vanished in a flash along with the contract.
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The demonstration went well, and you got what you wanted. While having your soul signed away was nerve-racking, you believed that if you made your vision work in time, it would return to you.
You begin to double your efforts, working your ass off harder than before. On your days off from the restaurant, you checked on the renovations of your building, and about a month later, everything was completed. After a long time of sucking up to the influential guests of the restaurant, you earned enough money to quit and open your shop.
With Rosie's promotion to her people, you efficiently built a staff, even recruiting some from other districts. On the 7th of August, you finally opened the doors to your shop, and it turned out to be a tremendous success.
The turnout exceeded expectations, but you had trained your staff to handle it. Business was booming, meeting Rosie's conditions in about 5 months instead of a year.
Just as you had envisioned, people from all over the pentagram flocked to enjoy the services your establishment provided. Surprisingly, sinners from Zestial'd district emerged as your number 1 clientele, surpassing even Rosie's people.
With your salon becoming the hot topic of his district, it caught the interest of the governing overlord. Since his people were captivated by your establishment, he decided to pay a visit himself. And so he did.
Upon the first approach to the building, he was delighted by the overall aesthetic.
While he wasn't from the era when salons first became popular, being about two centuries older, the entire ambiance brought a sense of nostalgia, even though he wasn't alive when they gained popularity.
Another aspect that pleased him was the evident respect guests and staff showed to the establishment during a service. People were polite, and the quality of the food served was impeccable.
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He was currently enjoying a cup of tea with none other than Rosie, discussing the success of the establishment;
"You've madeth a valorous investment, mine lief friend. This salon is nothing but successful; you've hath found quite the gem,” Zestial complimented Rosie as he sipped his tea.
Setting her cup down, Rosie responded, "Oh, quite the contrary, Zestial. My dear little owner was the one who reached out. Sparkles in her eyes and a big dream in her heart. With hard work, she achieved those ambitions, beating my expectations and regaining her soul in less than half the time I expected."
"is yond so? Quite the guts and perseverance the lady hath,“ he replied, taking another sip of his tea.
"Yes, though I honestly didn't expect your people to enjoy this place so much. Really messed up my calculations," she said, playfully feigning frustration.
"well, sinners art inherently unpredictable creatures by nature. Plus," he paused to take a bite of a fruit tart on his plate, "with desserts like this, i don't expect anyone to intermit long ere coming to tryeth those folk for themselves. Speaking of which, i would love to compliment the owner and chef for such marvelous worketh, “ he said once he had swallowed his bite.
Rosie replied, "Well, that's the fun thing – they're both the same person. She works diligently as both showrunner and employee! But yes, I can get her if you truly wish to speak to her."
"yond would beest appreciated,“ he told her.
Meanwhile, you were on the phone with a decor company, trying to arrange something for Valentine's Day in a month – or more like Valentine's week, with new decor from the 7th to the 14th.
Once you hung up, Rosie entered the office and informed you of the situation. Without questions, you followed her into the main room of the salon, and let's just say you were nervous;
Gazing at your form, Zestial spoke out, "i wilt sayeth, miss y/n, i greatly enjoy thy establishment, and so doth mine people.”
"Oh— thank you so much, Zestial, sir, I- I mean, Mr. Zestial. Sorry, I meant Overlord Zestial! So sorry!" you stammer.
"quite the nervous one, isn’t the lady?" he did add with a bawbling chuckle. he said to Rosie, who only nodded in agreement. "well, nay needeth for worries. 'zestial' is quite fine, child." he added with a small chuckle.
"Oh, alright then. Thank you for your praise, Zestial," you said with a soft smile, which he returned. ‘Satan, was he handsome.’
"Hey, how come you call him by his name right away, and I'm still 'Miss Rosie'?" Rosie teased.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Rosie. I've just gotten used to it," you replied, and they both laughed at your flustered state.
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This soon became a common occurrence for you, and quickly after that, Zestial came more and more often to the point that your salon became Zestial's meeting spot when discussing business. Consequently, he had his own VIP room for such occurrences.
Simultaneously, you grew closer with the Overlord, becoming more comfortable around him. About a month later, you found yourself crushing on the man, giving him a fair amount of treats on the house to show affection.
And don't think said affection went unnoticed by him. Being an old soul like him brought wisdom, especially in the romance department.
Actually, Zestial himself found himself enamored with you, leading to him declaring his desire to court you;
You were tidying up the VIP room after one of Zestial's meetings, swiping down the table. As you prepared to leave the room, the Overlord spoke up.
"y/n, darling, may i hath't a word with thee?” he asked.
"Yes, of course, Zestial. What do you need?" you replied, your voice slightly quivering, because, 'fuck, did you love the fact he started calling you romantic pet names.'
"well, mine lovely business owner, i hath't to admit something to thee, so prithee did put the rag down and sitteth, " he requested. You obliged. "It seems that I have found mys"'t seemeth yond i hath't did find myself having fallen for thee,“ he began, making your breath hitch.
"i eke did notice yond thee seemeth to feeleth the same, or am i wrong?" he inquired, causing you to shake your head and answer with a weak, flustered 'no.' "did doth bethink so," he said with a chuckle. "then, as we both feeleth for one another, i'd like to court thee, unless thee hath't something 'gainst me doing so.”
"Yes— I mean no, well, um, shit," you stammered. Taking a breath, you spoke out again. "What I meant to say was, yes, I would love to be courted by you, more than anything, actually," you admitted.
Standing up, walking behind you, and wrapping his arm around your figure, he leaned down to your ear. "well, isn't yond perfect. I can't wait to hath't thee all to myself still,“ he whispered, somewhat sensually, leaving you in shock yet longing for more when he pulled away.
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And with that, the courtship began. You found yourself taken out for nights on the town to nice restaurants, sweet notes and love poems left in your office for you to see, and evenings spent at his castle in the fireplace room, listening as he serenaded you, oh so lovingly.
You honestly couldn't wait for you and him to become official. You might have thought that being spoken for after such a short time was idiotic in the past, but Zestial was just so perfect and all you needed in your afterlife. It was obvious that you would marry as soon as he asked you.
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About 5 months after your initial meeting, you found yourself dining with your suitor at quite the fancy restaurant, fancier than the one you used to work at actually.
"how art thee liking thy food, mine sweet y/n?” Zestial inquired.
"Yes, it's wonderful. What about yours, Zestial?" you asked back.
"everything is eke wonderful on mine end, " he replied, then added on, "Mine darling, would thee mind stopping thy meal for an instant? I'd like to break with an important matter with thee.”
"Oh, why, of course," you replied, putting down your utensils. You were now accustomed to Zestial and his ways, but his next move surprised you.
Zestial had stood up and got on his knees. "mine love, despite not having known thee for yond long did compare to mine long existence, i cannot see myself spending mine life beyond the grave without thee. Thou art high-sighted, talented, ingenious, and quite quaint, to a sir like me, and i would did bet many others, ye art quite literally breathtaking. Yond is accounting for thee as a whole, not just thy aesthetic attributes. So, y/n l/n, would thee doth me the honor of being thy husband for eternity?” He said as he pulled out a ring box, opening it to reveal a beautiful green diamond ring.
Overwhelmed with emotion, you gasped in surprise, your eyes widened at the stunning ring before you. The green diamond sparkled, capturing the essence of your feelings.
"Oh, Zestial..." You trailed off, a wave of happiness and love washing over you. Tears of joy glistened in your eyes as you nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes, a thousand times yes!" you exclaimed, your heart pounding with excitement. Zestial's face lit up with a radiant smile as he gently slipped the ring onto your finger.
As the dazzling gem adorned your hand, sealing the promise of eternity, Zestial rose from his kneeling position. You both shared a tender embrace, sealing the moment with a passionate kiss. The restaurant's ambiance faded away as you were immersed in the warmth of Zestial's affection.
The patrons and staff discreetly applauded, offering their congratulations to the newly engaged couple. Zestial held you close, his eyes reflecting the depth of his emotions.
"to our dateless love,“ he whispered, and you clinked your glasses together in a toast. The night continued, now infused with the magic of your commitment to each other.
From that moment forward, you and Zestial embarked on a beautiful journey, navigating the twists and turns of the afterlife hand in hand, bound by an eternal love that transcended time and existence.
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And so, your wedding unfolded in a splendid ceremony. Radiant in your role, you felt like a true queen that day, with Rosie officiating and injecting humor into the proceedings, eliciting laughter from you, Zestial, and your guests.
The day was a jubilant celebration, offering you the chance to become better acquainted with Zestial's fellow overlords, including Carmilla Carmine: Holy Arms Dealer and Alastor: The Radio Demon. Despite their contrasting personalities, they played nice for the sake of the occasion.
However, that was a few hours ago. Now, with the reception concluded, all the guests had departed, leaving you and Zestial in the intimate confines of his castle, specifically, his bedroom.
Following tradition, this was the night of your nuptials, the night where you and Zestial would come together as one for the first time;
Seated at the edge of the king-size bed in your now shared room, you adorned yourself in an exquisite, intricately embroidered transparent nightgown, awaiting Zestial.
The faint click of the door drew your attention, and your now-husband entered, pushing the door open with a subtle yet confident gesture.
"Well, mine dearest bride, “ Zestial said, his voice filled with an underlying lustfulness that sent shivers down your spine. "'t seemeth we finally hath't some time high-lone.” He stepped closer to you, his presence filling up the entire room.
You could feel his eyes roaming over your exposed body, drinking in every inch of you like a starving demon discovering a feast fit for a king. While you tried hard not to squirm or show any signs of discomfort, your heart raced faster than it ever had before as he spoke words of praise.
"T-thank you, Zestial," you managed to croak out, trying to maintain some semblance of composure despite the butterflies fluttering wildly in your stomach.
His voice dripping with false surprise. "thee behold absolutely stunning in yond gown, y/n.”
He stepped closer, his hands reaching out to caress your exposed thighs, his touch sending electric shocks coursing through your entire body. You bit down hard on your bottom lip, fighting the urge to whimper aloud as he continued to tease you. ‘Were you always this needy?’
"art thee eft for me to claim what is rightfully mine?” he asked, his eyes flashing with hunger.
You nodded vigorously, as he slowly undressed himself, revealing his tall, imposing frame covered in black fabric that clung tightly to his lithe figure. He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants.
As he stood before you, nude except for his dark briefs, you couldn't help but marvel at his imposing presence. He towered over you like a giant spider, his erect member straining against the thin fabric of his boxers.
Trembling slightly, you open your legs, inviting him to climb onto the bed and join you. Without hesitation, Zestial crawled onto the mattress, positioning himself between your spread legs. He leaned forward, his mouth hovering inches away from your pussy, his breath hot against your sensitive folds.
"Tell me, mine own lief jointress," he purred, his voice low and husky. "Would thee liketh me to gust thee first?”
A shiver ran down your spine as you replied, your voice cracking slightly. "Yes... please..."
Zestial's eyes gleamed with anticipation as he lowered his head, his lips brushing against your sensitive flesh. You let out a soft moan as he began to tease you, tracing light kisses along your thighs and inner thighs before finally reaching your wet, quivering entrance.
He sucked on your sensitive folds, causing your hips to buck and writhe involuntarily.
As he continued his lewd assault on your most intimate areas, his tongue darted out to lick and circle your clit, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body.
You arched your back, crying out his name, your nails digging into the sheets as he relentlessly pleasured you.
"Oh, Satan... Zestial!" You panted, your breath coming in short gasps. "I'm going to—I'm almost there!"
"Good girl," Zestial growled, his voice thick with desire. He increased the pace of his assault, sucking harder on your clit and thrusting his tongue deeper into your wetness.
Your moans turned into incoherent moans of pure ecstasy as he brought you closer to the edge of orgasm.
Just as you felt you were about to cum, he suddenly pulled away, leaving you craving more. "Not yet, mine own dram naughty bride," he purred. "We haven't begun yet. “
He stood up straight again, his hardened member now fully exposed, throbbing with anticipation. "do thee wanteth me to filleth thee up anon?” he asked, his voice husky with desire.
You panted heavily, your breath coming in ragged gasps. "Yes, please, Zestial," you pleaded, your voice hoarse from your intense arousal. "I need you inside me."
“Are thee sure mine own loveth, thy so bawbling i’m afraid i might breaketh thee. ” He teased, which only made whine pleadingly.
Without further ado, Zestial positioned himself between your spread legs once more. Slowly, he pushed himself into your tight, wet entrance, filling you up to the brim.
A mixture of pain and pleasure radiated throughout your body as he began to thrust rhythmically, his massive member stretching and stretching you further than you ever thought possible.
Each thrust was accompanied by a low groan from both of you, the sounds of your bodies slapping together filling the quiet room.
Your nails clawed at the sheets, leaving long, deep scratches in the fabric as he pounded into you relentlessly. Your orgasm built up faster than before, approaching its peak once more.
"Cum f'r me, mine own lief," Zestial growled, his eyes blazing with lust. "Let wend and releaseth all yond pent-up desire. “
You cried out his name, your body convulsing violently as you climaxed again, your juices coating his member and dripping down your thighs.
Your orgasm seemed to fuel him further, and he picked up the pace, thrusting faster and harder than ever before.
"Yes! More, give me more!" You begged, your voice barely recognizable from the pleasure that consumed you.
As your body continued to shake with each powerful thrust, Zestial groaned deeply, his fingers digging into your hips for support. Suddenly, he groaned loudly, his entire body tensing up before shooting his hot seed deep inside of you, filling you completely.
Finally, he pulled out of you, his cock still twitching as he collapsed beside you on the bed. Panting heavily, he reached over and brushed a strand of sweat-drenched hair from your forehead.
"That wast. quite wond'rful," he managed to croak out between heavy breaths. "Howev'r, i doubteth a single round shall suffice to satisfyeth mine own needeth, consid'ring i've been anticipating this moment f'r months. ”
“Oh.” Was all you had the time to say before your night of passion continues.
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"Thank you, Zestial," you panted, your own breath returning to normal. "That was... amazing."
You reached over and caressed his cheek, your fingers trailing down to his chin. "Could we... do it again sometime?"
He chuckled softly, his eyes softening slightly. "Of course, mine own lief jointress," he replied, chuckling at your somewhat innocent neediness, his voice still husky with satisfaction. "We has't all the timeth in this hellish w'rld togeth'r anon. "
You lay there for a while, basking in their post-coital bliss, their hearts racing in sync. Eventually, Zestial stirred, moving closer to you. "Do thee needeth aught else bef're we retireth f'r the night?” he asked, his hand trailing down your stomach to rest on your hipbone.
“No, I just want you close to me.” You answered,
“Of course.” he replied softly, placing a kiss on your forehead as you fell asleep in each other’s arms….
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Old English in order of apparition;
"You've madeth a valorous investment, mine lief friend. This salon is nothing but successful; you've hath found quite the gem, ” = "You've made a good investment, my friend. This salon is nothing but successful; you've found quite the gem,”
"is yond so? Quite the guts and perseverance the lady hath,“ = "Is that so? Quite the guts and perseverance she has,"
"well, sinners art inherently unpredictable creatures by nature. Plus," = "Well, sinners are inherently unpredictable creatures by nature. Plus,"
"with desserts like this, i don't expect anyone to intermit long ere coming to tryeth those folk for themselves. Speaking of which, i would love to compliment the owner and chef for such marvelous worketh, “ = "with desserts like this, I don't expect anyone to resist long before coming to try them for themselves. Speaking of which, I would love to compliment the owner and chef for such marvelous work,"
"yond would beest appreciated,“ = "That would be appreciated,"
"i wilt sayeth, miss y/n, i greatly enjoy thy establishment, and so doth mine people.” = "I must say, Miss Y/n, I greatly enjoy your establishment, and so do my people."
"quite the nervous one, isn’t the lady?" = "Quite the nervous one, isn’t she?"
"well, nay needeth for worries. 'zestial' is quite fine, child." = "Well, no need for worries. 'Zestial' is quite fine, child,"
"y/n, darling, may i hath't a word with thee?” he asked. = "Y/n, darling, may I have a word with you?"
"well, mine lovely business owner, i hath't to admit something to thee, so prithee did put the rag down and sitteth, " = "Well, my lovely business owner, I have to admit something to you, so please put the rag down and sit,"
"It seems that I have found mys"'t seemeth yond i hath't did find myself having fallen for thee,“ = "It seems that I have found myself having fallen for you,"
"i eke did notice yond thee seemeth to feeleth the same, or am i wrong?" = "I also noticed that you seem to feel the same, or am I wrong?"
"did doth bethink so," = "Thought so,"
"then, as we both feeleth for one another, i'd like to court thee, unless thee hath't something 'gainst me doing so.” = "Then, as we both feel for one another, I'd like to court you, unless you have something against me doing so."
"well, isn't yond perfect. I can't wait to hath't thee all to myself still,“ = "Well, isn't that perfect. I can't wait to have you all to myself forever,"
"how art thee liking thy food, mine sweet y/n?” = "How are you liking your food, my sweet Y/N?"
"everything is eke wonderful on mine end, " = "Everything is also wonderful on my end,"
"Mine darling, would thee mind stopping thy meal for an instant? I'd like to break with an important matter with thee.” = "My darling, would you mind stopping your meal for an instant? I'd like to discuss an important matter with you."
"mine love, despite not having known thee for yond long did compare to mine long existence, i cannot see myself spending mine life beyond the grave without thee. Thou art high-sighted, talented, ingenious, and quite quaint, to a sir like me, and i would did bet many others, ye art quite literally breathtaking. Yond is accounting for thee as a whole, not just thy aesthetic attributes. So, y/n l/n, would thee doth me the honor of being thy husband for eternity?” = "My love, despite not having known you for that long compared to my long existence, I cannot see myself spending my life beyond the grave without you. You're ambitious, talented, ingenious, and beautiful, to a man like me, and I would bet many others, you are quite literally breathtaking. That is accounting for you as a whole, not just your aesthetic attributes. So, Y/N L/N, would you do me the honor of being your husband for eternity?"
"to our dateless love,“ = "To our everlasting love,"
"Well, mine dearest bride, “ = "Well, my dearest bride,"
"'t seemeth we finally hath't some time high-lone.” = "It seems we finally have some time alone."
"thee behold absolutely stunning in yond gown, y/n.”= "You look absolutely stunning in that gown, y/n."
"art thee eft for me to claim what is rightfully mine?” = "Are you ready for me to claim what is rightfully mine?"
"tell me, mine own lief jointress," = "Tell me, my dear wife,"
"Would thee liketh me to gust thee first?” = "Would you like me to taste you first?"
"not yet, mine own dram naughty bride," = "Not yet, my little naughty bride,"
"We haven't begun yet. “ = "We haven't begun yet."
"do thee wanteth me to filleth thee up anon?” = "Do you want me to fill you up now?"
“are thee sure mine own loveth, thy so bawbling i’m afraid i might breaketh thee. ” = “Are you sure my love, your so small I’m afraid I might break you.”
"Cum f'r me, mine own lief," = "Cum for me, my dear,"
"Let wend and releaseth all yond pent-up desire. “= "Let go and release all that pent-up desire."
"That wast. quite wond'rful," = "That was... quite wonderful,"
"Howev'r, i doubteth a single round shall suffice to satisfyeth mine own needeth, consid'ring i've been anticipating this moment f'r months. ” = "However, I doubt a single round will suffice to satisfy my needs, considering I've been anticipating this moment for months.”
"Of course, mine own lief jointress," = “Of course, my dear wife,"
"We has't all the timeth in this hellish w'rld togeth'r anon. " = "We have all the time in this hellish world together now.”
"do thee needeth aught else bef're we retireth f'r the night?” = "Do you need anything else before we retire for the night?"
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shellem15 · 4 months ago
Text
This has been commented on many times in this fandom, but I'm using it as a springboard for my own brainrot Raphael really is just like his daddy. There's the obvious stuff—the narcissism, the dramatics, the convoluted plots and just the general messy bitchery—but there's also the stuff under the surface. Both have massive inferiority complexes, both are extremely envious and power-hungry (Mephistopheles in particular for the envy part, but we'll touch on that later), and both act extremely obsessive towards certain tools, goals, and—most relevant to this post—people.
Now Raphael is definitely weird towards Tav/Durge, but it's a bit more ambiguous as to whether he's obsessed with them in particular or just sees them as a means to an end. The situation with Hope, on the other hand, is quite explicit. Raphael is obsessed with her, even naming his home after her, but there's not really anything material he gets out of her. Him imprisoning and torturing her is not a means to an end, he just does it because he's a sadist. He wants her attention, he is entertained by her defiance, he wants to break her—he both loves and loathes her.
And what do you know! Raphael's thing towards Hope is kinda similar to how Mephistopheles acts with his object of obsession—Asmodeus. Now, if you need to know anything about Mephisto's character, it's that he's envious. Envious towards his peers, envious towards his betters, even envious towards his inferiors—he resents that others' have what he does not. Even Martinet, Asmodeus' unflappable constable, thinks so: "Were Mephistopheles to become the King of Hell, it would take him less than an hour to start wondering why he wasn’t also ruler of Mount Celestia." (Guide to Hell, p. 45)
The #1 target of Mephisto's envy is Asmodeus. The man is capital-o Obsessed with him, ya'll.  Asmo is on his mind 24/7, haunting his every thought. He lives rent-free in Mephisto's head.
Mephisto is the silver medal to Asmo's golden 1st place. Eternally living in his shadow, the Starscream to Asmo's Megatron. He is always one step behind him—like, Mephistopheles has been trying to become a god for a while now, and just when he was about to succeed, the spellplague happened and Asmodeus ate the god Azuth like an energy bar, snatching up godhood by sheer luck. And then, of course, Mephisto's godhood plan fell through so now the power divide between them is even greater than it was before.
Bro tries so hard and it just doesn't work. Like, when Mephisto was going through his rebrand phase as the Lord of Hellfire, he changed his appearance to that of the "quintessential devil". But all that ended up doing is making mortals confused about who exactly he is—a lot of mortals straight up think he is Asmodeus. Like, to the point that Asmo just went "you're the manager of my cults now lol", so now the distinction between the two is even more blurry. Also, Mephisto's wife is straight up closer to Asmo than she is to him (see my Baalphegor post), which is just another spit in the face. Bro cannot win. (This ties into another similarity between him and his son; Raphael clearly got the loser gene from him.)
Now, obviously the situation between Raphael and Hope is very different than Mephisto's relationship towards Asmo—Hope is Raphael's captive, while Asmo is Mephisto's boss; Hope's life has been upended and tormented by Raphael, while Mephisto is at most an annoyance towards Asmo (bro has repeatedly told Asmo to his face that he would usurp him and Asmo is just like "whatever, dude")—but the level of obsession is similar. Raphael hates hope but is also desperate for her affection, Mephistopheles loathes and envies Asmodeus but is also his greatest ally. Both are desperate to fu—*ahem* both are psycho-sexually obsessed with them.
So, yeah. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
TLDR: Raphael inherited his psycho-sexually obsessive tendencies from his daddy lol. Also you should really read the lore about Asmodeus and Mephistopheles' relationship because it's actually insane y'all. Like this shit was made for the gays people.
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