#ahahaa oh my god

[frederickchill]

cunt-server

"My dictionary here says it is but a fake word!"

[clovreat3r]

Made in the Image of Bill

Closeups of the quality gets roasted (just like bills family) ->

[keferon]

did you expect this au to blast off?

I didn’t even expect this au to exist ??

[candymakcr]

[ Thinking about modern!au Perospero, and how he would absolutely be a judge on some sort of baking show?? He has his own candy empire and is SUPER famous for his sugar sculptures. ]

[jonahmagnus]

Jon/Nikola is a really funny ship but you know what would be even funnier? Nikola/Peter/Jonah

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi - Quick Reacts (CHA 15: Porridge)

It’s time for... VOLUME 3!

It’s them again! The guys who got got by the bug coins! 

NO ONE checked their pulses - confirmed. Lmfao. Great job, main party. You all failed your medicine checks. 

This is the... third time? That there’s been mention of monsters moving UP floors. Something has been driving them up out of the lower layers of the dungeon? 

I don’t think it was our guys who did THAT. Fallin was the one who was handy with anti-ghost spells, right? Marcille didn’t know how to do it? 

But the trail says otherwise. Interesting. 

.....business is business..........I guess.

Damn, they got down there FAST. Guess the paintings didn’t slow them down much. I wonder if doodle-Laios is still there.......trapped. 

The idea of having a water level that you WALK over is honestly a super cool dungeon concept. It creates such a unique atmosphere that forces the characters to think about their surroundings in a totally different way. 

I would die for you, dog-man.

“Mermaids, hm? Average Tuesday.“

Those mermaids can pull me underwater any time they want. 

This is kinda cute, not gonna lie. 

NOOOOOOOO SHE DIDN’T HEAR HIM BECAUSE OF THE EARPLUGS!!! NOOOO

Oh, how the tables have turned. Now it’s Marcille and Senshi as the sensible ones. 

They really did just die again, huh. 

To be fair, I don’t know if it’s their skill level that’s at fault. It feels like they just have shit luck. 

Laios did not pay enough attention to care, I think.

Old take on kobolds that makes them dog-like! That’s fun. I’m personally fond of lizard-flavored Kobolds myself but it’s still fun to see familiar terminology.

Do mermaids really turn into fish-faced people when dead??? 

for a second there I thought he straight up slapped him ahahaa

oh my god. Laios is. Singing terribly. To combat. the mermaids. 

Does that...........work? SHOULd it work? Holy shit. 

IT WAS THE MERMAID’S OWN SONG??????

THE COMMITMENT!!! THE CHUTZPAH

Incredible. 10/10. 

Laios is incredible in that he is basically a Horny Guy trope that’s constantly berated by the cast for a base instinct but... instead of sex his base instinct is just hunger and the urge to eat the weirdest ass thing he finds.

I’m gonna ignore whatever emotional turmoil Chilchuck is going through in order to ask.... WHAT?? Are they different species or not? And if so, do they.... work together? Are they filling different niches? Do they not compete for one another? 

Or maybe they’re just a dimorphic species. Maybe the sirens are the dude fishes, and the fish-mermaids are the females. 

The spectrum of this man is edging into ultraviolet territory. 

This is. A fantastic meme base. 

guys can we call it literally anything else

10 photos taken before a disaster

Top DnD College Kid Dinners

Honestly, I respect her ability to just say ‘meh’ and move on though.

DO NOT. RUIN THIS FOR HER.

[moonbunscafe]

Hehe Ducktor Kaufmo

HELP. OH MY GOD THATS GENUIS AHAHAA

[lurkingteapot]

Won't get through to you. 君には届かない。Ep 7

I was very, very curious to see where we'd go from the ending of ep 6, and this episode did not disappoint, either.

My running commentary for the first part of the episode was like this:

Yamato: oh kiddo, you fucked upppp but at least you're aware, I guess?

Mikoto! I love Mikoto, she's the best

oh Kakeru, bb, you're being so brave

oh!!! is all of our preview the first five minutes?? I love this showwww EVERYONE

Hosaka dear, I know you mean well but fffff this is. not it.

aaaaah dang it, I want to go to a festival, too

「暴走した」って … I mean I guess that's one way to put it.

Hosaka and Amamiya really do go and show up everywhere together, huh.

oh they'Re so CUTE goddAMN

Good job on apologising, Yamato, now don't do it again.

!!! KAKERU!!!! IYA NANTE YUTTENAI YO?! Kakeru my BOY!!

(watch me needing to rewind because I missed stuff squeeing)

oh my goodness these TWO

adsfasfasdf HOSAKA あんなあ your timing …

Fujino's shock :'D

love how Kakeru and Yamato are both determined to be better for themselves and each other, I love it

deus ex kokuhaku no hi, huh

Akane-chan, ILU

ahahaa well-timed cold, huh. if it weren't Yamato I feel like he's probably playing hookie

Fujinoooo

oh hi Kurosawa

character growth!

ahaha he WAS-- oh!!

god they're so CUTE

Kakeru's being so brave!! Yamato's so dramatic!!

ahaha did he really realise the day after?! I mean RELATABLE (I once wrote an email for someone's birthday, wanted to open with something else, and ended up forgetting to include the congrats altogether), but ….

oooh yakiimo. damnit now I want some.

Kakeru my BOY!!!!

--godDAMNIT of COURSE

and also OF COURSE he caught a cold

Yamato is absolutely doing that whole "commenting on how lucky the doll is and how cute Kakeru is out loud" thing on purpose

boy you do notttt kiss people when they're asleep, come on, you were doing so well all episode!

this preview is telling me next week will be another rollercoaster.

Sorry if anyone's still waiting for ep 6 subs; I had a number of brickspace things come up :( hope to get them and ep 7 out by the end of the week though.

[arcxnumvitae]

Who/What inspired my muses

Part 2 babbyyyy I’m sufferinnggg!

Arata: More elf underground shenanigan tomfoolery. Also tying in some backstories for funsies with Val playing a big role in a pivotal moment. A muse I fully intended to have die! For some reason my friends took issue with that!

Katarina: I saw Kirei ( @thewolfisawake) make a fun looking institution and I wanted to stick my big meaty claws alllllllll in it. I asked her, all shy and shit, if I could make a Bastion muse too and she graciously allowed me to do so. Of course I had to make Katarina a half-elf. 

Emil: I thought it’d be fun to make a muse from Katarina’s human side of the family, the one her mom was estranged from. Kirei had included in her blurbs how some older families of the Bastion were still anti-supernatural creatures so I thought it would be an interesting thing to explore further in a muse, but since Katarina was separated from all of that...

Dawn: I looked at how I’d fridged William’s dead girlfriend in his backstory just for the sake of giving him angst and feelings and I really didn’t like that I’d done that! So I decided to flesh out Dawn as a person. Which led to me going to my friends and saying, “Y’all, this muse is deader than a doornail in his backstory, I can’t bring her back, right?!” And then I brought her back. This was when I started to firmly put my foot in fun Greek myth stuff and let my PJO kid flag fly by straight up incorporating Aphrodite into the mix.

Xiaodan: uh. dragon. dragon searching for Jianhuren. Searching with another dragon.

Meihui: uh. other dragon. other dragon searching for Jianhuren. drogon. They actually were made earlier, around Qingshan, pushed to being side muses, and then re-added as main muses around this time when Kirei petitioned for it.

Huaxiu: Hey, same mangaka, he looks like Qingshan-- oh baby we can make some lore from this. This is really where Red Eyes as a concept started to get cemented, a smooth, uh, 2-3 years after I first added Jianhuren, ahahaa. It was also shortly after Huaxiu that I created Zhaohui as a side muse so we were really chugging along the dragon train at that time.

Luiz: No clue. Truly, no idea. I think I just wanted to mash a bunch of different mythological creature facets together and see what I got. I know the inspiration for the gorgon blood he was infused with came from Kirei because her muse Crowe has gorgon blood.

Cornelius: What if I made a family member from the Texas side of Dawn’s family that she had never been in contact with? What if he looked like her dad too in a way to make her force her feelings and her grief? Cornelius truly was made actually as basically to circle around Dawn’s ongoing story, haha. 

Raven: ‘I know it doesn’t make sense, but what if Thanatos had a kid.’ How would that type of godly parentage manifest in someone?

Olympia: Hey, let’s do an Artemis god-touched. I only have Dawn and William at the moment after all.

Ava: Sort of a tie in with Arata’s story as she’s the right hand woman of, like, oh geez, the niece and former fling of the guy who owned him and his mom. I also basically just looked at D&D’s scrying spell, pointed, and went “I want that.”

Eira: What if I did a muse from Katarina’s dad’s side of the family? And what if she was utterly adorable.

Aur: Phew, so, actually, I didn’t have any huge plans for Aur when I first made him! He was an amnesiac and I left his backstory open and vague in case I thought of something later that would be cool to do with him! I figured I could get away with it for a minute since it’s not like he himself knew what his backstory was. In truth, I hadn’t even settled on him being a fae for a while either, I also kept that up in the air! If he didn’t end up a fae then he would’ve been a siren actually I think.

Soon-hee: She’s not really online anymore now but my friend Angie had come up with the idea to do a seven deadly sins thing and asked if I wanted to make a muse or two for it too. And I, contractually obligated by my love for F.MA, couldn’t refuse.

Arya: Ditto, seven sins inspo.

Matthias: Also another Angie-inspired, she came up with a pantheon of deities and asked if I wanted to join in. I thought for a good minute on what domain of power I wanted his to be and I settled on storytelling. Him having muses for sisters was inspired by Greek myth...and H.ercules. His current name came from my white boy of the month every month in a book series called S.ix of C.rows as a sort of homage. And his rings, silver eyes, and some personality beats came from the character Po from the G.raceling book series.

I’m panting..........but part 3, we’re on the way....... 

[fucktheroyals]

Me: *knowing I can read this guy me and all my coworkers like, like a book and vice versa* He can’t say he likes people at all. Like at all. And that’s when his youth shows. (Internally: I’m like 90% sure he can’t take compliments, he thinks everything nice we tell him is sarcasm)

My coworker: he won’t be embarrassed if i text him we miss him. *texts him that*

The guy: *sends back a pretty rude and dismissive text*

Me, internally: ahahaa oh god why can I read him so well. Why do I know that gleam in his eye.

…..I wanna fix him so bad lmao

[pain-in-the-butler]

Ahahaa omg, look at this! This is so silly!!

Oh my god, I can't stop grinning at this comic, look at that bastard... Y'know I actually thought of him being somewhat candid in this scene, but I imagine this is Ciel's exact interpretation and that he was also probably thinking "I need you to explode. go die" But you're probably right, Sebastian isn't going to take that sauce from his teen son lying down, I'm sure some of his old smarm snuck into his tone... and even Coattails Seb deserves to get dragged sometimes 😈

Their expressions are so fun, I love how Ciel is really trying to be a little shit and it backfires, and I really like Sebastian's expression in the second panel, how he's using every ounce of his brain power to decide how to deal with this situation... It's just delightful. Thank you so much for making this!!! I really treasure all art I receive for Coattails, it's such a wonderful gift 🥺 I hope you will allow me to link this on my fic so that I can share it with the AO3-only crew too!

What a perfect thing to lift my spirits on this weary dreary Thursday. Thank you again, chasiufan, I appreciate this to bits!!

based off a scene from the iconic coattails fic written by @pain-in-the-butler

i love how snarky sebastian is even in this fic. i need him to explode

[sohnric]

just wanted to pop in and say that you posted millennium bug last year on my birthday, and even though I was not following you back then YOU LITERALLY WROTE IT FOR ME IT WAS A PRESENT FOR ME muahah

but anywho, I love millennium buggg UGH and I love eric AND I LVOE YOU TUMBLR USER SOHNRICCCC I love your writing 😞😞😞😞😞😞 I am also a huge plot twist enjoyer and I love the gold star and plot twist crossover moment this is my multiverse of madness

thankyou for your services towards tbzblr (and enha, svt, and nctblr ‼️) we love you 🦅🦅🦅

also may I be 🪿 anon

oh my god!!! happy birthday in advance dear anon !!! 🤍 AHAHAA FEEL FREE TO CLAIM THE FIC AS YOUR PRESENT ‼️ its lowkey one of my favorites ive ever put out hihi🩷

eric is literally my soulmate and the loml so i feel you😔😔 i think my love for him shines through in my writing like the DELUSION... it does wonders sometimes. I LOVE YOU TOO ANON !!!@ omg plot twist is lowkey so iconic like i may sound narcissistic when i say this but i like that fic sm. I really just make sunwoo the most annoying i can whenever i write for him 😭😭 my hobby is putting fics into universes and not telling anyone so im glad u caught that hihihi🩷🩷

thank you so much for this ask and ur support !!! glad i am doing something for the ppl 😭😭‼️ altho im slacking when it comes to nctblr and svtblr lately..

and omg ofc!! 🥹 i dont get anons often (the last one turned into my long distance friend would u believe that),, so this is exciting hhhhh hiii !!!

[yuyurui]

yes YES YESSSS! YES YESSS YESSSS YEAAASSSSS!!!!! YEAASS YESS YESS YES!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD . OH MY GOD. OH MY GODDDD!!! BROOOOO AAAHAAAAHHHHUGUAUGU YOU HAVE NO IDEA! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I AGDSALKFAHDSFALKD GRRRR GRRRR GRRRR GRRRAUGAUGAHGGAHUG sigh sorry ok. i'm normal now! anyways reblog ♡ ahahaa! awesome art! fav. fav. fav. im crAZYYY IM CRAAAAAZY IM CRAAAZZZYYYYYYY. IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM CRAZY! IM! CRAZY! YOU HAVE NO IDEA YOU HAVE NO IDEA. okay i'm normal again. cool art!

[zepskies]

Omg thanks, Wayne!! I love the vote of confidence. 🥰🥰💚

Oh God, that IS the question, isn't it? 🤣 He really is an ass of epic proportions, even when he's "tame."

My Spanish is mediocre at best, but even I understood that 😂

lmfao it's all about the context clues on that one. 😝 I'm sure you understood it perfectly, considering all the Spanish you accomplished in Polaris! 🤍

God, he really knows how to get his way, doesn't he? It's like having a parasite live with you and suck you dry. Jesus 🙈😂

Oh, he's a master of spin and (sexy) deflection. 🙄😂

Perfect use of that promp, girl 🤣

Ahahaa thank you, my lovely. 😂 I thought it fit pretty well lmfao.

The hysterical line always gets me with him, too! You can just tell he 💯 throws it out as often as he can, together with "Are you on your fucking period?" 😂😂

Ughhh on GOOOOD -- the way I would want to smother him. (Perhaps not even in a sexy way.) 🤣🤣

WHY??? Why does he keep piling on? Dear God, does he want to die?!

He's too fucking comfortable, that's for sure!! 😂

Omg I've never seen Glee, but from that gif I can already tell Santana Lopez is a queen. 💁🏽‍♀️

DECEASED 💀🤣🤣🤣

LOL I'm so glad/grateful the "dependant on my taxes" line became a fan favorite, because it was one of those that made me laugh, but I wasn't sure if anyone else would connect with it. 🤣

If I remember correctly, this is where I might have blacked out 🫠 You fucking killed me with all that hotness, jfc 🥵🔥🔥🔥

Ahaha I did my best!! 😜❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

This was so beautiful 😭🤍

Aww thank you!! 🥹🥹 I thought it was important to slip in that moment of honesty for Ben, even if just in his inner thoughts.

God, Alex, I need more of them. I crave more of them! 😍😍😍 You hear me? Gimme, gimme, GIMME! I so wanna know how this all started. Knowing your creative mind and exceptional writing, I know this series will be amazing – just like everything else! Can't wait to see what you'll do with these two 😘💜

See, this is just one of many reasons why I love you!! lol I so appreciate that encouragement, thank you so much! 🥹 I have most of the outline written, so I can tell you that their story would start post-season 3 like Break Me Down (but like, RIGHT after season 3 lol). I just need to map out the last act of the story. So stay tuned!! 💕💕

Lost in Translation

Pairing: Soldier Boy (Ben) x Female POC!Reader

Summary: Living with this man isn’t easy, and you’ve absolutely had it with him. Supe or not, you’re one step shy of kicking him out. Will he try to make it up to you? 

AN: So after getting requests for a Soldier Boy x POC!Reader, I’ve had a short series in development called Unravel Me. I’m a bit stalled on the outline right now, so I thought this could be a fun way to introduce their relationship and see if you guys think I should continue with the prequel, kind of like how I did with Checkerboard and the Break Me Down-verse.

This story would take place after Unravel Me, after a fair bit of character development lol. It also fulfills a bingo square for @jacklesversebingo!

Prompt: “Whatever you’re going to ask, the answer is No!”

Song Inspo: “Damage” by H.E.R.

Word Count: 3.4K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, bit of dirty talk, fingering, edging, some angst, fluff and feels. The reader is a mixed race POC (Afro Latina), with textured hair. 

The apartment was quiet, but not peaceful.

You were in the kitchen washing the Mt. Everest of dishes piled in the sink, partly because someone hadn’t rinsed off his own plate of carne guisada.

Ben had asked for beef for dinner yesterday, and you’d graciously delivered with your grandmother’s recipe for the stew. It was filled with chunks of tender, fall-off-your-fork beef, garlic, onions, carrots, and more—all marinated to perfection, if you said so yourself. You even added in some little yellow potatoes, both for taste and texture.

Apparently, he couldn’t be bothered to put those meaty man muscles to good use, aside from shoveling three helpings into his mouth.

A bottomless pit and a freakin’ man-child, I swear to God, you inwardly groused as you scrubbed the ceramic a bit too hard with the rough side of the sponge. No matter how many times you asked, nicely, it seemed your boyfriend couldn’t manage to pull his weight around here.

Okay, you knew his job could be demanding, but so was yours.

What the hell is this, Maid in Manhattan? Newsflash: I’ve got shit to do too! 

“And I cooked!” you muttered in indignation. That reminder propelled you to scrub a bit harder. The least he could do was clean the kitchen. Or take out the trash. Or toss the laundry into the washing machine once in a while. Like you really wanted to handle his dirty boxers all the damn time.

Did he have no shame? Couldn’t he do anything for you without you having to ask him three million times?

Es que él es bruto, mija, as your Dominican grandma would say about your grandpa, often while swiping a tired hand over her long braids. Es como un animal con ropa.

Just then, you heard his heavy steps creaking on the wood floors in your bedroom. Today was his day off, so he was probably taking his sweet time rolling his ass out of bed.

Meanwhile, you were hustling to get the place at least decently clean before you got yourself together for work. The thought made you simmer as you continued to place dishes on the counter rack. Each one clacking to rest was satisfying, but it also ticked up your internal dial to a fine boil. 

You heard him bang the bathroom door open and cringed internally, your teeth grinding. You’d reminded him three times already about the neighbors and the noise.

Sabes que, supe or not, I’m about to— 

“Morning, sweetheart.”

Ben’s voice washed over you, deep and still a little rough with sleep as he stepped into the kitchen. His old man loafers slid against the floor with every step when he approached you from behind, and his heavy hands found a familiar resting place on the curve of your waist.

He swiped your slightly wild curls to the side and pressed a tantalizing kiss into your neck. His voice, his touch, the brief scrape of his beard; it all caused a small shiver of delight up your spine.

“Hmm, you smell good. Good enough to eat.” And he teased you with the graze of his teeth, biting gently enough where your neck met your shoulder. You flinched with half a huff, trying not to smile. 

Just like that, it took the edge off your irritation…a little. You opened your mouth to reply, but before you could…

“Hey,” he said, “since you’re already up and about in here, how about some breakf—”

Your spine tightened once again.

“Whatever you’re going to ask, the answer is No!” you snapped. You moved out of his arms to grab a hand towel to dry your hands with. They were all pruny from washing dishes.

“I’m already running late. Why? Because this place is a fucking mess, and the only one who seems to care is me!” you exclaimed. First, you gestured to the dishes now drying on the rack. “Hmm?”

You then opened up the lid to the full-to-bursting trashcan. “What do you call that, huh? You said you’d take this out last night. After I asked you twice. What, was I not speaking English? Did something get lost in translation, or are you already losing your hearing? Just let me know, ‘cause I can sure as hell crank up the volume for you!”

Ben raised a brow. You read his thoughts in his surly frown. You have some fucking audacity, talking to him like that, but it’s still early. He hasn’t even had his coffee, for Christ’s sake.

If he was more awake, no doubt he’d be barking back at you. Instead, he heaved a sigh, drew closer to you and shut the trashcan lid. At least there was one lid he knew how to close.

“All right, it’s just a little mess. No need to get fucking hysterical,” he said, trying to grasp your arm to placate you. You shrugged out of his hold and crossed your arms in anger.

“Ben, it’s not just a little mess. And what is this, 1945? I’m not hysterical!”

His lips twitched at a smirk, making you even angrier. But he’d caught enough smoke from you in the past to know he didn’t want it at 8:00 in the morning. He grasped your arms and rubbed them up and down, trying to sooth you.

“Okay, okay. It’s a little early for all this Latina temper, don’tcha think?” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Your gaze snapped up at him with a glare.

Oooh, this man. He knew how to get you mad fucking tight.

Not in a good way.

Instead of exploding like Mount Fuji, you kept it all under your skin. You turned away from him and aimed to continue getting ready for work, but first, you took out a Greek yogurt from the fridge and wholly ignored him taking up space in the kitchen. You wouldn’t answer him when he called your name. In fact, you were going to give him the most frigid of cold shoulders—so cold he’d get hyperthermia through that invulnerable skin.

He waylaid your plans when he grabbed your hand, swinging you back into his arms. You gasped at the suddenness of it, looking up into his cocky, charming smile. You couldn’t stare too long at his green eyes, or the rest of his handsome, bearded face. Not when he knew exactly how to use it against you.

“Don’t think that’s gonna get you out of this,” you warned him. You set your yogurt on the kitchen counter and pushed at his chest, but it was no more effective than pushing at a mountain and expecting it to move.

His hands spanned your waist, his fingers beginning to press into your soft sides. He bowed his head, brushing his lips against your neck and the shell of your ear when he said, “Out of what, baby doll? Looks to me like we can still have a good morning.”

His voice once against trilled heat and tingles through your body, but you managed to lean back, holding the pads of your fingers to his lips.

“Hey, I’m not playing around here. If we’re gonna do this,” you pointed between him and yourself, “then let me make one thing really clear. I’m not la sirvienta around here, okay? I’m not your fucking maid. I’m your girl. Your partner. And since you live here now, I’m gonna need you to do your part.”

Ben almost rolled his eyes, but you grasped his chin. He frowned at you with furrowed brows. There was a time where he would've been inclined to grab your wrist and try to intimidate you with his temper. You saw it lying in wait behind his pursed lips and irritated stare, but you weren't afraid of him. Not anymore.

“Listen to me. I get that you haven’t lived like us commoners for most of your life, but this stuff is important,” you said. You took a deep breath, and you counted to three. You met him with a calmer gaze. “Ben, I love you.”

You let go of his chin and lowered your hand, letting it splay over his chest. He softened, ever so slightly, even though his frown remained.

“I love you,” you repeated, “but I don’t need a man-child.”

"Excuse me?" he did snap this time, his hold loosening from around your waist. "The fuck did you just say?"

You narrowed your eyes right back at him.

"You heard me," you said. "I want a man. A man who's going to be my rock when I need him. Can you do that for me, like I do for you? Are you gonna be my man, or do I need to claim you as a dependent on my taxes?"

His expression sharpened again at your thinly veiled accusation…but the longer he looked into your eyes, no longer angry, but earnest and imploring, the more he actually listened to what you were saying. His jaw worked for a moment in annoyance. You subtly softened him with your hands soothing up and down his arms, a slow back and forth over solid, warm muscle.

Eventually, he was able to curb his instinct to bark a callous reply. He nodded, expelling a breath through his nose.

“Fine,” he said.

Your brows rose. “Fine?”

“Yeah,” he said flatly.

You knew it was the closest you were going to get to an agreement, as well as an apology. You were still working on that last one, but dating this man was a work in progress, for both of you. With a sigh, you patted his arms that were slowly wrapping back around you.

“Okay, I’m really running late now,” you said.

“You should probably get a move on then,” Ben said.

Still, he didn’t release you. He stared down at you with an amused smile while you struggled against his hold. You uttered a laugh.

“Babe, I need to get to work.” You leaned over and spied the oven clock. “Oh, shit! it’s almost 8:30! If I’m not there by 9:00—”

“You sure you want to go now? Tense, body all tight,” he said, his voice deep with sensuous suggestion.

His lips neared yours, but he didn’t kiss you. Not yet. His lips veered away to brush against your cheek. He inhaled deeply as he moved, taking in the floral scent of your soap, mixed with the army of products you styled your hair with, and the faint imprint of your perfume from the night before. He skimmed down your neck and along the shell of your ear.

“Wouldn’t you rather I fuck all that tension right out of you?” he offered. “Leave you nice and warm and satisfied, have that pretty pussy coming hard on my cock.”

You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes as his filthy mouth and the timbre of his voice struck a chord through your body, tinging warm arousal between your legs. Your fingers tightened on his strong arms, digging into the fabric of his loose robe. Ben took that as a wordless confirmation. He bent at the knees and grabbed you up by your plush thighs. You wrapped your arms around his neck on instinct, with a small gasp.

But you recovered quickly. Taking his face into your hands, you met his lips roughly with yours in a devouring kiss. He set you down on the kitchen counter hard enough to make the clean dishes rattle. His hands were just as claiming as his mouth, squeezing your hips and thighs as he spread them open to make more room for himself.

While your tongue dueled with his, you shoved the robe off his shoulders, followed by his sleep shirt pooling to the floor. His hand slid under your top as well, and almost ripped it at the hem in his haste to get it up and over your head.

“Ow, ah-ow!” You giggled when the collar got caught on your hair. Ben’s breathy chuckle reached your ears. He was gentler in how he helped get the shirt off the rest of the way. Your mane of hair fell into your face, and you huffed.

Ben did you the favor of brushing the thick curls away from your eyes, tugging several strands behind your ears, even though most of them didn’t obey him. He framed your face with his big hands, and his thumbs swept along your skin, the rich complexion shining in the morning light filtering through the kitchen window.

There was more care in his touch now, his strength tempered just for you. Fond amusement colored his features. For as much shit as you gave him, you still gave him more of yourself; more of your trust, your patience...and all the rest of it. You gave him more than anyone that had come before you, and deep inside, he doubted anyone that might come after you.

You smiled up at him, a little wryly. You leaned up and met him for a gentler kiss. Your eyes fell closed at the feeling of him, and the spicy hint of his aftershave. It was a scent that often clung to his pillows. When he was gone on a mission for days on end, you wouldn’t admit to clinging to one of them to help you sleep, and make you feel safe. 

“Mmm, you smell good,” you whispered. And it was true. He smelled like mint and spicy aftershave. You plied his lips with deeper kisses, licking into his mouth with a sensuous tongue, before you stole his words. “Good enough to eat.”

He uttered a groan deep in his throat. It satisfied you, enhancing the warm flood between your legs.  

Fuck it. You were calling in sick today.

You drew him back into the pull of you, winding your arms around his neck and your fingers in his hair. It was getting long again, but you liked it. You liked something to hold onto, just as much as he did. Your nails brushed against his scalp, down the back of his neck, earning a hum of pleasure from him. You wound your legs tightly around his hips and invited the press of his hard cock against your throbbing core, even through your panties and pajama pants. A faltering groan caught in his chest.

“Needier that I thought this morning,” he remarked. His warm hands drifted down to cup your breasts, his thumbs brushing over dark, pebbled nipples. You sighed into his mouth in response.

You heard the cocky grin in his voice, but for once, you didn’t care. You did need him. You wanted him to fuck the stress and chaos out of you.

…Well, he’d caused most of it, but still. He was gonna damn well fix it.

And he aimed to do just that, with his hands sliding farther down your body with purpose, grabbing the waistband of your pajama pants and roughly sliding them down, along with your panties. Your bare ass felt cold against the tile counter, but you didn’t have too much time to think about it with Ben’s thick fingers probing between the wet, glistening folds of your pussy. He soon found what he was searching for, circling firmly over your clit.

Your hips raised off the counter as you whimpered against his lips and ground yourself against his hand. You broke from his kiss to bury your face in his neck. Ben’s free hand grasped your hip and pulled you right to the edge of the counter.

There he held you down, his brows furrowing in concentration. His fingers sought your entrance and slipped inside you with ease. By now, he knew what angles would have you squirming, writhing, your body arching into him, while your inner walls clenched around his hand.

“Fuck. That’s right, baby doll. I’ve gotcha,” he said roughly, continuing to fuck your pussy with his fingers. His thumb rubbed against your clit between strokes.

The coil in your lower belly began to tighten, the delicious throbbing deep inside beginning to make your thighs shake. But just as you felt yourself tipping over the edge, Ben withdrew his fingers from your sopping channel.

You struggled to catch your breath in shock. Your head raised from Ben’s shoulder to glare at him. When your mouth opened to deliver an indignant protest, he silenced you with his mouth claiming yours. Your nails bit into his shoulder in retaliation, even though you knew it wouldn’t hurt him in the slightest. In fact, it only curved his lips into a smirk against yours.

You slapped him on the shoulder, immensely frustrated, but also laughing. “You’re such an assh—”

Before you could even finish cursing him, he gathered you up again and lifted you off the counter. He walked you over to the couch in the living room. He would’ve loved nothing better than to lay you out across the two-seater table in the kitchen, but he thought the shitty old wood might just give out under the strain of him fucking you. So the living room was a close second, and in this tiny-ass apartment, it was barely a few feet more to walk.

He laid you out underneath him on couch, and it groaned and squeaked under both of your weight. You squeaked too, if for a different reason. It had Ben smirking down at you. He freed himself from the confines of his pajama pants and coated his rock-hard arousal with the leftover wetness coating his hand.

“I approve of the scene change,” you said breathlessly, once again stroking his arms. Your fingers slipped over every dip and plain of muscle.  

“Didn’t think you wanted to be fucked on some cold tile,” he said, even if the sentiment behind his words warmed you. You were pretty sure he didn’t used to care about that. At least, before he met you.

He grabbed your hips, lined himself up to your entrance, and his cock breached you smoothly, pushing into you until his hips fit snugly against yours.

“Oh, fuck,” you choked out, your thighs squeezing around his frame.

“Feel good, sweetheart? All fuckin' filled up,” Ben teased, a bit breathless himself. You were a tight fucking fit. He slid out of you experimentally, drawing a moan from your lips. You nodded.

“Yeah, baby. So good,” you freely admitted, panting all the while.

Ben’s hot gaze drew over you as he continued moving hard and fast inside you. He took in your every bare curve, the way hot breaths and sexy moans fell from your lips with every thrust, the way your hair fanned out underneath you and hung off the side of the sofa cushion, the way your hands still explored him and touched him, demanding, but still loving.

For that, it was all the more tantalizing against his skin, warming even the darkest places he tried not to show you.

And every drag of his cock inside you stretched your inner walls in the most delicious of ways. It wasn’t just that he was able to fill you to the fucking brim. He also just knew his way around a woman’s body. He knew you, and he knew exactly how to make you come undone. Even quick and dirty on your couch, he made you feel brand new. 

He was right, damn him.

The coil deep inside you snapped. Pleasure crested through you and made your inner walls squeeze him tight, fluttering and pulsing with warmth. You came hard on his cock, hard enough to milk his release shortly after for all he was worth.

His forearms fell to the cushion on either side of your head. You were basically being smothered, but for the moment you didn’t mind. You just held his sweat-slick body against yours while you both caught your breath, each of your heartbeats falling back into a steady rhythm.

He was always so damn warm. It was nice, considering how cold it was this winter, but the thought always made you a bit sad. It reminded you of the power housed in his chest, and every memory he caged there as well.

You laid a gentle kiss on his shoulder. In return, his lips found the side of your head and hesitated there.

“You’re not going to work,” he said. It was more an observation than anything else.

You laughed breathlessly and shook your head. “Nope.”

He nodded. “Let’s go out for breakfast.”

You could get behind that. Your kitchen was finally clean, which meant your kitchen was closed until further notice.

“Shower first,” you stipulated.

You felt Ben’s smile grow against your dewy skin. “All right.”

You sighed, and he guided you to your feet along with him. You had a feeling “breakfast” was going to be lunch by the time you and Ben finally escaped this apartment.      

AN: Lol hope you had fun with this one! Let me know if you'd like to see more of these two! 💚💚

Spanish Translations:

Es que él es bruto, mija. Es como un animal con ropa.

It’s that he’s stupid, my daughter. He's like an animal with clothes.

However, “bruto” can also mean brutish, crude, and/or like a beast, so it fits in more than one way. 😂

Sabes que, …

You know what, …

La sirvienta

The servant (or maid) (female)

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[unhingedreviews]

Carmilla the show ft. something broke

So I didn't live review the majority of S3 because I was eating, or too busy trying to figure out what the writers were thinking. but I did keep a few notes and I do think I'd make a great critic. and by great I do mean, beloved by audiences and loathed by creators because despite being a qualified, experienced-ish storyteller I have clearly no fucking clue what is going on in other people's heads. BECAUSE IF I DID, I WOULD UNDERSTAND THIS SHOW. anyway, the notes:

Sherlock S3 ignore haha At least they can't put their feet up on the furniture if there's less furniture Who's restocking the vending machines? The yoga scene is actually very funny Ginger haired girl was a lot more fun when she was ginger Omg DAD 'I have faces too' oh dude How. How. Is Carmilla putting her boots on the chair Omg Dad and the stories WHERE DID THE TELEPHONE COME FROM AND WHERE CAN I GET ONE also, yeah, kissing good There's no way podcast girl has been in a cave for two months and has eyebrows that well groomed "Cultural Chernobyl" this dad is so much better than Le Fanu's dad 'Technical difficulties' ahahaa Dad is the only sensible person Carmilla's new philosophy is actually quite good Is it in their contracts that the more evil the character gets, the more not-quite English the actor must pretend to be 'you couldn't stab a swimming pool if your body was a knife' They waited until the end of series three for a Good Omens reference OH MY GOD I have no idea how this show ended because I got distracted by Carmilla in short shorts in the parallel universe and never really zoned back in. But I am confident that a vampire, when confronted by her dead girlfriend, could TURN HER INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE  

[noramoons]

IM PLANNING TO CHANGE IT TO ANOTHER SAN LMAOOOOO

no cause i had a big phase with Aurora!San but im thinking about doing a wonderland!San theme cause woskskao

can you tell hes my ult……..? i dont think its obvious

AHAHAA THIS IS VERY VALID TBH ‼️ oh my god wonderland san was quite literally one of my favorite san looks…the skunk hair mullet…the military-adjacent outfits……..bring it back perhaps!! but you should absolutely make this ur layout if u want HEHE i will always love to see anything wonderland!san related 😌

and i cannot blame you tbh! the man is irresistible! he was almost my first bias in ateez (and then that song mingi guy ruined my life 💔)