#ah well it's all happy now!
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Too Much Thinking Is Bad For My Health (Part 3)
"Time, c'mon. Let's try 'nd make it t' th' spring." Twilight said gently, cradling Warriors so very gently to his chest. A hand behind his head, as if trying to shield him from the world. Time looked over at Warriors. His poor, poor brother. The man who raised him. More than The Great Deku Tree did anyway. Forget his father being a tree, his father was Warriors, more than anything.
"Twilight, we'll... we'll never make it." Time's voice cracked, and his eyes teared again. How could he have let this happen? Again, his thoughts were spiraling, repeating themselves. How could he have fixed this? When did he let it get so bad? After all this, was this how his brother died? Cradled in someone's hands, like a delicate scrap of flower? Did-
Warriors' chest gave an odd heave, the sign that his heart was trying to quit on him again. Twilight jumped. "Time, the fairy-"
Time's hands were already grabbing for the fairy bag, carefully taking out the last one.
Time's hand brushed something, as he lifted her from the bag and released her from her bottle.
The-
Oh.
His ocarina.
Time pulled it out of the bag, staring at it with wide eyes. The last time he'd used it was... was Termina. Time travel, those three days. Over and over and over. Those people that didn't remember him, oh how little he was. Tiny. Playing with time like a toy, until he realized just how important it was to stop the moon from falling. Frantically running through temples, trying to get to the final chamber before the final day. Over and over, those days. Repeating and doing the same thing. Mikau. Anju and Kafei. Darmani. Kamaro. Gone, lost to time and Termina. He'd never see them again.
What if he playing the song now? Would this cycle repeat too? Of him seeing his brother die over and over and over and see him collapse and convulse and seize and cry in his sleep and then never move again? Would he have to witness Wind's sobs and cries and pleas over and over and over until his voice died? Wild's guilt, Sky's fear, Twilight's remorse? Legend's buried horror and sorrow, Hyrule's hopelessness, Four's despair? See all of them go through it all over and over and over and over until he collapsed till the moon fell till everyone died and no one could be saved and he couldn't bring the ocarina to his lips anymore and had no more air to breathe-
"Time! Breathe!"
Twilight had set Warriors down gently in a patch of grass, and was currently gripping Time by a shoulder. "Set the ocarina down, unless you fancy smashin' it by grippin' it so hard. Take a couple breaths, Old man." Time's hands shook, and his chest heaved as he took panicked breaths. "The ocarina." He said, voice barely heard through the wavering tone and lack of air.
"The what?" Twilight asked gently, trying to figure out why Time had suddenly panicked as soon as his fingers had wrapped around his instrument.
"The ocarina. I can save him. I can. The Song of Time. Three days. I can-"
"You can take a breath, and talk to me, Time. You're spoutin' a whole lotta gibberish. I don't speak gibberish." Twilight had crossed his arms, but his face was worried.
"You said you can save him. How? What will it cost?" What would it cost? No one would remember the panic, the fear, the hurt. Only Time. Only Link, who was too young in body and too old in soul, would remember. Three more days to add to the never ending tally. But Link would remember. He'd remember the screams of horror, the sound of Wind's knees hitting the ground. The sound of his sobs and wails as he watched Warriors die. He'd remember Legend's quiet crying, into the hat that Warriors had stitched up for him so many times. He'd remember Hyrule wearing himself to magic exhaustion in the effort to try and ease his brother's pain. To heal it. He'd remember Wild's frantic guilt, as he wondered if he'd suddenly been the cause of all this. He'd remember Sky's shaking voice, as he tried to soothe. He'd remember Twilight's hiccups and shudders as he held onto Warriors' hand through a watch. He'd remember Four's erratic shouting, as they seemed to fall apart from the inside out.
Link would remember when others wouldn't. Oh, how he'd remember.
"Just a little air. Then we'll go back three days and this would've never happened." Time lied easily, getting up. Twilight visibly brightened. This seemed like a cure-all, though mildly sketchy. Anything to try and save Warriors.
Time lifted the ocarina to his lips, hands shaking, and began to play.
XXX
The moon was falling was the moon falling where were the masks he needed did he lose one no where's the deity mask I need that to fight which was next what to I do where's Saria WHY WON'T IT COME OFF NAVI HELP HELP HELP TATL COME BACK-
"LINK!"
Warriors' voice.
Time had suddenly scrambled away from the fire, eyes wide. He'd tossed his ocarina across the camp, to where it skittered to be near Sky. Sky picked it up gently and started to clean the dirt off of it, frowning. Time had then proceeded to curl up in a ball, grip his hair, and scream.
"Sprite, Link, come on. Talk to me, please. What happened? Are you hurt?"
Warriors' voice was frantic but he was there and he was okay and he wasn't pale yeah he was still painfully thin but he was there and he was okay and he wasn't dead or dying or-
"Link, please. Breathe." Time's chest heaved, whines and gasps leaving him. Warriors held him tight. This sudden breakdown... what could've happened to make Time break so thoroughly?
"No no no no no no no the moon is falling where's the moon what day is it one two or three where's Tatl? Please, I don't want to go back to Termina-" He was speaking aloud. Warriors increased the pressure of his hold.
"Link, look. See?" He pointed between the trees. "The moon is right there, nice and far away. A crescent, tonight." Time looked up.
There it was, the moon. No evil grin. No Majora. No numbered days.
Time took a steadier breath.
"There you go. Can I ask what set this off?" Warriors' voice was gentle, a hand cradling Time to his neck, like he'd do when Time was little. Fresh out of Termina. Time shuddered with a sob, crying instead of screaming. His hands came to latch onto Warriors' clothes- Warriors, alive and not well, but alive. Heart beating steady.
"You died." Time sobbed quietly.
"I-... Link, I'm not dead. I'm not dying any time soon. What brought this on-"
"You died so many times. Over and over and over and there weren't enough fairies to get us to Ordona's spring. Poison, Wars. You poisoned yourself and you died." Time shuddered again, tears pouring down his face.
Warriors froze. Poison. How did Time know?
"How did-"
"The Song of Time. Three days. I moved back three days. We were having chili that night. Then you didn't eat and so Wild made you snacks but you didn't eat and on your watch I surprised you so it was my fault you poisoned yourself and died-"
"Slow down, Sprite. Slow-"
"And everyone was screaming and crying and we couldn't save you and so I-" "Mask."
Time froze, hiccupping and crying. The camp was quiet.
"You used the Song of Time?"
Time nodded, gripping the back of Warriors' shirt hard enough it was ripping holes.
"I... I died?"
Another nod, another sob.
Warriors just held Time for a moment, thinking to himself. He'd died, huh. Funny how it was something he was so paranoid of dying to.
"Warriors." Wind's voice was quiet, as he came by. Wars looked up. Wind was holding out a blanket with worry evident on his face.
"Thanks, Sailor. We'll be fine."
Wind frowned, but he turned away to leave them be. Warriors looked back down at Time, still crying and clinging to him.
"Dad." Time's voice was small. Full of fear.
Time had only called Warriors dad exactly three times, when he was Mask. Once when he was so sick that he couldn't even open his eyes; he'd called for Warriors to read him a story book. Once when he'd gotten an an arrow through his side and was convinced he was going to die.
And once again, as he held Warriors' hand so tight and was transported home.
"Shhhhhhh. It's alright." Oh Hylia, Warriors couldn't do this.
"I don't want you to die again, please don't let this be another cycle-"
"It won't be. In the morning, we can have a nice long chat about this, okay? About the poison problem, I mean. It's probably high time I talk to someone about this." Artemis had told him that for years.
Time rubbed his eyes, and tried sitting up, realizing just how ridiculous he probably looked. Crying into Warriors' shoulder. Wasn't he supposed to be the leader? Strong and mighty and unshakable? He had an apology ready on his tongue when Warriors pulled him back in.
"Sit your ass back down, Link." Time sat back down, tears still pouring no matter how fast he rubbed his eyes. Ridiculous. He was (somewhere) in his thirties, why was he crying? The crisis had been averted. Warriors wasn't dead.
But he had been.
Warriors cradled Time as close as he could, given the height difference.
"I'm sorry, Link. We'll have a talk in the morning, okay? For now, get some sleep."
Time closed his eyes, and relaxed into Warriors' hold. He slept through the night. There would need to be a big, long talk in the morning, but for now, they were okay. And they'd be okay.
fin.
@rrainydaydreams and @rebornofstars IT'S DONE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#wooo#churned this out in like#three hours#linked universe#fanfiction#linkeduniverse#warriors lu#angst#time lu#honestly it's more#time angst#than anything#but this one is just as touchy as the others guys#I probably surprised you with the two parts in one day lmao#writing possessed me#ah well it's all happy now!#right?
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GET LOVED, IDIOT
GET LOVED SO HARD YOUR KIDS HOLD HANDS AND POWER-OF-LOVE YOU BACK TO LIFE
sorry guys, this is just my brain now. this is going to be the only thing I think about for the next week at least.
oh and also this
FIVE YEARS IN AND IT'S FINALLY CANON 🎉🎉🎉
WE DID IT
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#oh my god it had everything i wanted AND MORE#...except the hook for 8 which ironically was the only one i was 100% sure was guaranteed to happen#well whatever i am too busy floating in this pool of delicious diasomnia tears#SO MANY TEARS#malleus' voice acting was absolutely 🤌 delectable 🤌#him and silver both are usually so reserved you don't even notice until suddenly FULL-ON UGLY SOBBING#IKANAI DE KURE LILIAAAAAAAAAAA#god. i have so much i need to draw. malleus in his little royal outfit...#ENDLESS MELEANOR F O R E V E R#(ah...meleanor and the knight of dawn are holding hands... :) you've reconciled... :) how lovely...)#(oh...and bauru is here too...)#can't believe poor sebek got 'and also you're here'-ed even at a time like this#that rhythmic was SO cute i'm gonna die. he's your son so it should be ✨PINK✨#ugh this update has spoiled me absolutely rotten. i'm so happy#though i kept waiting for that silver vanrouge and finally decided it wasn't going to happen#then got the 'there is one thing...but it's not a gift that malleus-sama can give...'#and THAT'S WHEN THEY DID THE HOTFIX UPDATE AND I GOT BOOTED#and then i KEPT GETTING ACCESS ERRORS DUE TO HIGH VOLUME 😭#twst NO i didn't need that tension to be heightened thank you#on the other hand when malleus started his proclamation with 'in the name of the draconias...' i did have a second#where i was briefly convinced they were going to do the funniest possible thing and make silver draconia canon after all#anyway i'm out of tags so we'll have to discuss malleus' absolutely bonkers-cuckoo choice of party venue later#now i gotta get back to constantly rewatching the moment he realizes he's accidentally killed lilia. his weeping is my sustenance.
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GUYS WE FINALLY HAVE SFTH LONGFORM CHARACTER TAGS ON AO3!! :D
(we still don't have any canon relationship tags as far as I know but this is still pretty cool!)
#shoot from the hip#sfth fanfiction#these definitely aren't all of them but they were the ones that i was able to find#it's annoying me a little that jemima's canon tag isn't jemima steven but ah well#it's not a huge deal since “jemima steven” redirects to the canon tag anyways#also I guess her canon name is jemima jeffrey now (cause andre beetroot referred to her as such in the patreon podcast) so??#I'm sure the relationship tags will be wrangled very soon we just gotta wait for it :]#I should probably make a new ao3 tagging guide now that there are more canon tags#but I'd like to wait until there are some canon relationship tags before making it just so I won't have to make two separate posts for it#anyways I'm so happy that we have canon character tags now!!!#especially cause I've been a little annoyed by the lack of canon tags for a while now lol#(ever since I first joined the fandom actually I've been annoyed about it for a while now)#does anyone else care about this? probably not#but *I* care about this so I'm gonna talk about it
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"The Boy With The Thorn in His Side"(x) - The Smiths × 2023 Strollonso moments + pundits' reactions
#baby's first web weave please be kind#frankly i could make a giant masterpost on my opinions on which Smiths songs fit which drivers/ships#i like their music a very healthy amount and I don't spend countless hours daydreaming to it...no....#but this particular song has been haunting me bcs i think it fits them super well!!#with their relationship dynamics and then the way everyone doubts their relationship#though its been hilarious watching the f1tv commentators kind of resign themselves to 'ah well ig this is what AMR/Fernando is like now'#went from being confused and shocked at their on track comradery to just accepting it for what it is#now theyre like 'ah yes lance dutifully lets fernando pass' compared to the previous ouright disbelief and denial#yeah thats right...theyre in love...what are you gonna do about it...#i think one day itd be fun to make a vid comp of all the times the commentators were ?????? at strollonso's lovey doveyness it is fun TO ME#it was really funny to look through shitty articles for negative comments#but the funniest part is that istg all of the articles just quote this one singular man who is hellbent on being a hater#i am in your walls peter windsor.#i think its silly when they bring in 'f1 experts' for their opinions ona drivers motivations and mindset#they act like such armchair psychologists like bruh your degree is probably engineering or journalism calm down!!#hehehe anyways happy with this!! i wrote it out on paper like a whole ass essay draft to brainstorm what to put#and then i scrolled thru the draft while listening to the song and im just EEEEEEE IT FITSSSSSSS#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#lance stroll#fernando alonso#fa14#ls18#1418#1814#strollonso#alonstroll#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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can. can i request philip. just philip enjoying flowering (which im pretty sure is his favorite) kinda like the vander doodle you made. i love your little doodles of the guards with all my heart
I remembered Way too late that Flowering was basically spring but what I drew isn’t really far off so anyway rrr
Phillip helping out with the garden for the season :^) Meeting a lil guy too
#Was dragged out to help with groceries so I coulda finished this sooner but ah well#Also I’m really happy to hear the people like my guardposts!!! I don’t always draw them now but trust I still love them all the same#royale high#roblox#guard phillip#art tag
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Here’s my first completely original piece for @serennedyweek , except I combined both day three and four: RE6 Reunion and Angst!!!!!!
Y’know that awkward moment when your boyfriend who you thought had been dead since 2004 shows up without explanation or an apology
#ericsart#I’m not totally happy with this came out cuz I think all the faces and heads look really weird and I definitely made their foreheads too-#-short but ah well it’s too late to fix it now#serennedy#serennedyweek2023#serennedy week 2023#serennedy week#serennedyweek#resident evil fanart#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy fanart#leon s kennedy fanart#luis sera#luis serra#luis sera fanart#luis serra fanart#serennedy fanart#resident evil death island#re death island#death island#leon death island#death island leon
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aough fuck the angst Luke fic I was talking about in my last post was supposed to be a one-off but now I've already come up with two (2) fluffy sequels for it (well,, one of them is fluffy). cursed by God to have visions of men holding each other tenderly
#my posts#sfth rpf#still terrified to tag that but. ah well#I am also cursed by God to constantly share screenshots of my wips no matter how not-done they are#all of these fics have only been drafted. no actual writing has taken place yet. good lird#basically I was like 'i won't write more of this but know that it has a happy ending :)'#but then I couldn't stop thinking about that happy ending so now I have this#and then I was like 'well now I have a fic of Luke interacting with AJ and a fic of Luke interacting with Tom#I can't just leave Sam out' so now the other one I'm going to write is in my head#such is my curse#this is what less frequent Fours a Crowd updates does to a motherfucker#(i say that in jest. FaC author if you're out there please take all the time you need)#improv rpf
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Congratulations on figuring out there are multiple people in your brain btw. I saw a while ago you posting about it being unsure so, YAY YOU FIGURED IT OUT!! LETSGOOOO!!! HELLO CHARLIE AND OTHER CODECICLE ALTERS!!!! YAAAYYYY!!!!!
FIGURED IT OUT!!! It really is crazy I didn't figure it out sooner, but I just assumed I was weird and didn't talk to anybody about it. Made a joke about it after multiple years of hiding it from everyone (and myself) and got told by multiple people "Hey yeah you're not normal go research stop feeling scared" and I did and now I'm friends with the people in my brain 🔥🔥 huge wins all around! LETSGOOO WOOOOOOOO CHEERING YAAAY!! Everyone rattling around up here says hi back!!!
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#actually insane i didnt figure it out earlier.#[guy with a disorder he doesnt know about voice] yeah man idk i feel like my body is being controlled by other people a lot of the time#and i talk to completely real people in my head everyday and others think im entirely insane because of it so i have to hide it#and i have memory issues and feel like going by multiple names#and my personality keeps changing and my likes and wants flip flop around#and im ALWAYS dissociated. wonder what all thats about !#surely not something ive been well aware of for years . SURELY not#IT COULDNT BE!#<- i may be stupid#it didnt help that they could subconsciously mess with me too. i didnt know why i felt scared of people finding out i was multiple#BEFORE i figured it out myself#then i sat down with charlie and had a conversation and quickly figured out ah. its your fault#motherfucker#anyway rambling over#its just really funny to me just how long i lived like this without thinking twice about it#and im really happy to slowly accept it and learn to live in harmony now ^_^
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.




#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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I remember talking to a friend last week and saying that if I'm reading obsessively it either means I'm extremely happy or extremely in need of help. alas goodreads my good pal you have GOT to be kidding me
#i have hit 60 books this year. we are three days into april. i have not been at the pinnacle of happiness this year so it is not that lol#ah well we hit rock bottom we bounce back up! i am trying to claw my way to the surface again!#granted this has been a series of not great distracting tactics to get my mind off the Horrors (i.e. through the mass consumption of#stories in book and film form) but at least i'm recognising and acknowledging it now#i need to actually deal with the Horrors so that there's a chance they'll actually go away!#but i am glad that i HAVE been surrounded by good stories. it has helped. it has been a method of conflict avoidance#in all areas of my life but it HAS helped to have those stories of hope hammered into my head and heart#anyway it looks like i HAVE lost a friend or am very close to losing one because it has been 1.5 weeks and there has been zero response#and there's a ton of Decisions i have to sort through this week#along with other mental health assessments my GP wants me to do#but God is good and He has been very patient with all the bouts of despair and loneliness and frustration etc etc#i just need to keep holding on and keep clawing my way upwards#despite all my failures as a friend and student and probably as a daughter as well this year there has been a lot of grace#and i am trying not to dwell on the past#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21
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in my heart, i like to think that bunny mask will be going down to tyler's place in roanoke to visit him around the holidays in her DC verse this year and will be introduced to the concept of ugly christmas sweater's through him, which... yeah, bunny is pretty much guaranteed to love. ESPECIALLY since the one he'll be gifting her will definitely have cats on it like this one LOL [ though this one is honestly cute in my opinion (,: ]

but yeah, she'll be introduced to that as well as to the general idea of gift-giving, and tyler will just tell her about the general idea behind it (unless... one of y'all's muses wants to tell her about it, perhaps? 👀 idk it's just an idea, JSJSJ, but yeah) + bunny mask will then probably proceed to pull out this big ass freaking lego set as his present NGL 💀
because i have a feeling that she likely looked up 'what's a christmas gift that everyone wants?' and legos popped up so, in case any other characters in tyler's life were to wonder how he ended up how he ended up with a dragon lego set... they would definitely be hearing about that story
#SOMETHING FEELS AMISS: musings.#ooc post.#AH but in all seriousness merry christmas if y'all celebrate and/or happy holidays!! i love y'all SM and i hope you're doing well#the idea of bunny mask getting tyler a lego set for christmas just popped up in my head today for some reason so i had to share that with#y'all haha. i guess BC it just seems so... her for some reason buttt she would likely be consulting the internet for what she should get-#for other people's muses on here if they were to celebrate christmas together NGL and i just think that is just. GAHHH#i love her your honor and how one of her love languages is already gift-giving so the idea of christmas would probably make#her feel so excited to express her love to the people she cares about though at the same time... consulting the net since#she's only been on this earth again for maybe close to a year now so she's still pretty new to pretty much everything#but that's okay because she's got all the time in the world to learn about it
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Maybe I should've seen it coming with the weight placed on the concept of "desire" but i really wasn't expecting dungeon meshi to turn into a full on buddhist lecture
#s#dungeon meshi#not that I'm complaining! I'm into it#but yeah the lion's explanation of how desires only lead to momentary and unsustainable happiness..#marcille being tormented by her desires...#and the way senshi's early 'it's better to do it yourself' attitude is now echoed in how instantaneous fulfilment of marcilles desires#brings her no joy#senshi being the most zen of all the characters#dunmeshi really said 'the well of your desire is literally infinite and by trying to fill it up you condemn yourself to endless torment'#and i clapped#dungeon meshi spoilers#i guess#ah!!! and the lion's eyes are a symbol of infinity.... infinite desire...#i thought it was a keyhole at first haha#hmm now that i think abt it more. part of the fundamental lore of dunmeshi is 'things that are consumed cease to exist'#with eating monsters and with eating desires. so a boundary is being drawn between temporarily fulfilling a desire (the desire comes back#and the cycle continues) and consuming a desire (the desire is gone). the former is more positive#and plays into the circle of life/finding nirvana in repeatedly fulfilling your desires thing that senshi esp has going on#the latter is portrayed negatively as it seeks to 'once and for all' fulfill something that is by its nature infinite#true fulfillment lies in accepting the neverending struggle of temporarily satisfying one's desires... one must imagine sisyphus happy.....#im literally extrapolating multiple philosophy lectures from this manga i love it#in that way you could see the lion's struggle (to satisfy an infinite desire (for others' desires)) as worthwhile!#coming back AGAIN after like ten more pages of the lion's backstory#all the trouble he caused stemmed in some way from his attempts - actually from his ABILITY - to fulfill every desire presented to him#the story seems to imply it would've been better if ppl had been allowed to struggle to fulfil their desires instead of having them granted
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I know I straight up disappeared for like... two weeks sos lol, but I've been putting my room together now I have a desk and a bed for the first time since I moved out of my student flat well over 18 months ago, and I have FINALLY got it all done (for now anyway, I'm absolutely skint this month and there's still a few things I need so I have to wait till I get some more money in a couple of weeks) and I'm sat writing at a DESK again and it's making me all 🥹🥹🥹
So yeah, I'm stuck at mum's for quite a while yet which I don't love but now I have my own space that's functional again, things aren't as bad as they could be 🥰🩵
#max rambles a lot#feeling very happy and content for a change#and also kind of relaxed which is sus and i don't trust it jdklfjldkg#i'm also off my meds which sounds like a bad thing but i actually feel better then when i was on them???#my sleep is trash now don't get me wrong but that's a temporary thing while i adjust to being off them#but yeah 2024 has been actually okay to start off with and it's got me nervous dkfljglfdkgd#just wish my besties hadn't moved further away so i could see them 🥺🥺 ah well next month we'll hang and it'll all be good
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Goodnight wonderful people who live in my phone!!!
#im sappy and you guys are so cool ;-;#im a bit of a hermit and really bad at meeting with (or moved far from) irl friends so my connections on here have been really meaningful#dont know how to say that without sounding like a loser but i promise its a good thing lol#but anyway i queued a post earlier today about friends thinking of you all the time#and i kinda just repeated it in my tags and ill probably just repeat it again now but its true#there are so many mundane things that make me think of the kind people ive met#i love bonding about interests and characters but theres also little peeks of each others lives#jokes and facts and songs and favorite animals that make me go 🫵 my friend likes that!!!#and dates! ill be like 'oh my friend is doing X today across the globe :)' 'ah i hope my friends X went well across the country :)'#'i remember they love this food/hate this food/has never tried this food :)'#'i remember them talking about how much they like this song :)'#'oh i learned a new saying like this in their language :)'#i hope they feel better from being sick#i hope their pets vet visit went well#i hope they got a good grade on that project#i hope they can rest after work#i hope theyre happy with their haircut#i hope they can dress like they want soon#i hope theyre happy#i hope theyre happy.#i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy!!!#oh shit. cryin in the club. (<- my bed.) not even drunk or hormonal just SAPPY WTH#i have to keep up my intimidating and stoic reputation!!!#so goodnight!!!!!!#i love you!!!!!!!!#rose rambles
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not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything
#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh#dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol#im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so#i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today#bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao#ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome#stupid girl as always#anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry#if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this#well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid#got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3#truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao#what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao#and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao#truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc#all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry#and that's because im stupid#🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/
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