#ah i hate myself sometimes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonys-bf · 4 months ago

Text

you're missing the part where you said it first and i thought you were being a really good friend

#its kind of funny #its really funny #ah i hate myself sometimes #sunbuck ☀️🦌

47K notes · View notes

hyaciiintho · 14 days ago

Text

🌸｡*ﾟ+. At work and my brain is blanking out on trying to work on drafts for the measly 20 minutes of break that I have... so Like this for a thing in your inbox !! These'll most likely be just headcanon questions for your muse, but I'll probably ask like... a good couple up to a few handful of questions for you~

Hope everyone's having a lovely day/night!

#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ #I usually get like... a reply or two drafted while on break... but today my brain is just #-INSERT WHITE NOISE PLUS DIAL UP NOISES PLUS A JACKHAMMER GOING OFF IN THE BG-#So... c': might as well give myself something to do for NEXT break at least...#anyways I gotta go already sdfhid I kinda hate how quick these breaks go sometimes but ah well #Hopefully my brain cooperates later tonight and I can work on more stuff! But for now... -gestures at post- :D okay byyyyyeeee #OH YEAH SPECIFY IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FOR A SPECIFIC ONE OF YOUR MUSES OKAY BYEEEEEEEEE

12 notes · View notes

lilowoof · 2 months ago

Text

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone #you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run #my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point #the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer #why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up #what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation #and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other #that might be fun #also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING #but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion #but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha #ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog #one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art #gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free #ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-

5 notes · View notes

sirensea14 · 8 months ago

Text

Me with who

I trusted, Let you in

Let you see through my broken skin

Let you tell me, People would love me

Not get sick of me, Get rid of me

I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.

#siren screams #personal rant #relatable memes #in sound mind #Song #rant post #Friend #Im slowly distancing myself from an irl friend #I couldnt help but develop some trust issues but maybe im just overreacting #I dunno #I will just.... rant #I feel like she really hates me even if she would say it as a joke sometimes #Telling me im so annoying everytime we see each other #And we're even classmates for this school year!#But im slowly distancing myself #I cant bring myself up to a happy mood whenever I need to face her #Like not looking onto her face #Of course i know everyone in the class noticed it eveb if they wont say anything about us #Cuz they know that me and this irl friend are inseparable and always buy in the canteen during recess #But now im alone #all all alone #I have two moots here thatre my classmates irl rn #If any of you two read this. Dont tell anyone #I just... ranted #Thats all #Damn fuck i want some sleep but i cant since i need to prepare for exams next week #Its 1 pm here btw #I rlly want some sleep to replenish my whole being #Ah no lemme rephrase that--i want eternal sleep #A sleep where no one can ever wake me from.

10 notes · View notes

eats-the-stars · 3 months ago

Text

being an adult who makes my own income is also realizing i can actually buy some of the pretty art i see online. some day i might even be bold enough to directly commission an artist.

#sometimes i forget that i can just...buy things that i like #obviously i can't go wild about it or spend an outrageous amount #but...i do have spending money and i no longer have to like justify purchases to my dad #or beg him to let me buy some cool art at the local ren faire #i can literally just...buy it #still keeping myself in check #but i am so used to only using my spending money to buy books and snacks #and sometimes notebooks and art supplies #but now there's no one to tell me that i'm too old for dinosaur figurines and cool prints and cute plushies #like i mean my dad is still around but i'm not a kid anymore so...#honestly i could've probably bought more things i just like and want because they're cool when i was younger #but i was just not great at doing things without permission #and my dad is simultaneously a penny pincher and a careless spender #in a weird way where he'll budget everything very carefully #and he saves up and has his Roth IRA and investment portfolio and so on #but then he will also like...spend a ridiculous amount of money on super expensive living room curtains #that will inevitably be destroyed by the cats within the course of a year #or he'll buy a custom made reclining chair from norway for way too much money and then never use it #like he carefully budgets all this stuff #and then is like 'ah and now i need to factor in my $1000 ugly lamp that no one asked for'#my sister ends up replacing most of these items with more practical cheap stuff from like facebook marketplace #so honestly he has nowhere to throw stones from #will say i do like his too-expensive giant abstract art pieces. they're pretty cool #not my style but i don't hate them #but those curtains...#maybe it's my turn to criticize HIS purchases

4 notes · View notes

your-local-granny · 7 months ago

Text

Being critical of art is all fun and games until you are the art that is being critiqued :(

#God I was feeling so good today but duuuude I’m so scared abt the opera from purely a technical standpoint #like I’m not even stressed about fucking anything up anymore it just hit me that like. I invited people to see this and it might be bad :(#due to variables outside of my control!!!! I hate not being able to fix things #I would be less stressed if my mother wasn’t seeing it but tragically I’m proud of what /i/ am achieving so I really want her to be there!!#but I know it’s going to be SUCH a fucking let down after the other shows she’s seen at my school like #the productions she saw were SO GOOD on a technical standpoint and both of the productions this year were so bad :((((#like even conveptually I don’t even know if I’m fully convinced and I’m in the show!!!#And idk. It’s hard when you don’t have an extended family (or like much of a family at all)#so the only people coming to your show are like. Broadway technicians #the closest thing I have to an uncle is a lighting designer and a stage manager my mother knows #very fun sometimes. Other times I want to throw myself onto a pyre #Why do the stakes have to be so high why can’t they just be happy to support me :)) I shall never be the center of her world. Ah well #But also we would not be as close as we are without our shared love of theater production so. Catch-22 #And at the end of the day I’m more sad that I can’t be proud of the show #it’s not anyone’s fault it just is and I need to be okay with it #I worked really hard and it matters that I’m doing this #GOD SORRY!!!#vent #portal of rambling

2 notes · View notes

qunaributts · 1 year ago

Text

me encountering a post with a picture of a big high res spider in it: i must not fear. fear is the mind killer. fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. i will face my fear. i will permit it to pass over me and through me. and when it has gone past i will turn the inner eye to see its path. where the fear has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain

#sara speaks #reblogs off because i dont want to risk the small chance of this becoming a bug hate post and i know i have bug enthusiast pals here #listen i have gotten much better about bugs. to the point where i can reasonably handle a bug encounter i think without a catastrophe #and i sometimes see bug posts and go 'oh i must send this to the bug friends they will enjoy this'#but then tumblr goes 'ah. sara wants the bug content'#and i regret to say no thank you i cannot actually handle the bug content of the wide world #i have worked very hard to be able to encounter Local Bugs (which are small and i will not see in up close high res situations) calmly #but big pics of Unfamiliar Bugs still make me quite uncomfortable please tumblr do not send them to me #i walk a fine line of sending kreatchur content to my friends while avoiding much of it for myself #the bug friends are just so enthusiastic when they receive bugs from me #that joy is worth the occasional spook for now

6 notes · View notes

thebrookesnook · 2 years ago

Text

Ever spent the first hour of your birth date just contemplating whether you really deserve to be living for this long yet wanting someone to have stayed up late at night to greet you at this time even though rationally you know that your love ones are still asleep? That you have also taken measures to hide said date from others?

Quite the predicament I have found myself in.

Anyways, congratulations for surving another year me. :D

#eve babbles #ah #i hate how i do this to myself sometimes #i don't expect much yet somehow i get upset that's there isn't anything at all #ignore this if you come across this

5 notes · View notes

salsflore · 1 year ago

Text

⠀

#cw negative #its not that bad i just need 2 rant for a bit #because like why does my mother say such ridiculous shit sometimes #i went to go wash my dish and she said ah youre finally doing the dishes .. LIKE i try to but what do i do when my brother insists on doing #it everytime ! and takes it from my hands and blocks the sink and he’ll make a big fuss if i don’t let him do it !#like literally scold me and tell me to put it down or else he’ll get irritated #i lightheartedly told her that and then she was like well yeah you're still a woman then went on about how its the womans job to [ . . . ]#its really the small things like that i think. she has such outdated beliefs. i hear her saying things like its the womans job to take care #of the house and her man and etc and i'm like ok i Know i literally won't win if i try to do so much as nudge her #but then she also talks about other things that just irk the shit out of me !!! the rapture abortion etc #the one time she told me to my face if she couldve aborted me she would have. making comments on my body and just #i don't hate her. overall we have a good relationship. but its just these small things and her gross outdated beliefs and how gullible she #can be and stuff like that. she tells me i have such an easy life but i can't bear to tell her i was ever suicidal or ever self harmed #because i KNOW she'd tell me i'd go to hell if i ever tried to kill myself #i know this wholeee thing might be really intense and sad and stuff but i'm totally okay /gen i'm just! awfully irritated #thinking back on all those dumbass things she's said and done like. agh;;#its not her fault i think ive noticed a lot of filipina women (or at least the ones around me) tend to hold those beliefs so she was prolly #taught these as a child but . come on!! im so tired of the misogynistic shit she says and . ugh #cw self harm mention #cw suicide mention

4 notes · View notes

hobisexually · 2 years ago

Text

x

#drafting the fic in ao3 really is the most annoying part #and I find out NOW I romanize jungkooks name differently throughout the fic #because baby army me was insistent on doing it right and using jeongguk and current me is in the hopekook fandom and hobi uses JAYKAAAAAYYYY #so much that jungkook has just become the standard #which means the old parts all have jeongguk and the newer ones jungkook and sometimes I edit myself in between and there’s a random one snsj #AH I HATE IT HERE #also I love writing texts but I hate coding texts in html because I’m fussy about formatting and it has to look right #which means I spent over an hour getting the html right for what? six texts?#Ah my perfectionist ass.#you’d think I’d have learned after the sexting fic #ANYWAY DING DONG IN AN HOUR OR SO MY LOVES

3 notes · View notes

zebratimw · 2 years ago

Text

assortment

#uugg #svsss #mdzs #man I don't wanna tag shdjfkg #all of these excluding jiang cheng I plan to finish some day anyways dhfjkg #altho when is the question... hngg....#also the first one is dhfjgkg bingqiu but like... withthat new geisha skin from idv #its called resilience of bamboo and is a rich green with bamboo and a black n red fan... idk man it just makes me think of them 🥺#also I'm djjfjgg stressed rn #I'm making cosplay and I keep making little mistakes that ruin everything shfkgkg #ah.. it's so annoying... I hate all of it... but gotta push through anyways 💪#also I got accepted teehee its an open enrollment so I was going in no matter what but its nice to get rhe email after waiting hehe #but also I think my friend is irritated with me so I've been leaving them alone but they also had like a breakdown so #idk how to go about interacting with them rn #cause like on one hand they completely ignored me earlier so clearly they don't wanna talk to me #but on the other hand they were having a rough time and maybe I should've said something anyways #and now its been hours and I'm still stewing on it shdkfkg so like I wanna say something still but now its awkward hfjfkgkh #man... I'm just gonna keep working UAHDKFKG #aiya.. I've been thinking about it before and moreso recently but I really don't make a good friend do I ?#sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of deeper emotion beyond myself cause moments like these make me think about how I always retreat #instead of pushing forward yknow like its awkward and weird but better going than pussyfootin around but ah I feel too awkward #so I just don't so like.. isn't that just me saying to myself I don't really care for my friend ? like even if its awkward for me wouldn't #it be better anyways? I've always been bad with comfort I've lived a very sheltered life so I lack a lot of experience and in a way empathy #so I've always been more on the cowardly and selfish side of things for sure... for a friend one should do better right but I can't seem to #be capable of doing more I just loiter jrjrjt how much is it base personality and how much is just lack of any real experience ? ehh..#well no need to think too hard or else I'll be more useless sbdjgkg at least lets work and be a bad friend than be useless AND a bad friend

6 notes · View notes

redwinesupernovadyke · 26 days ago

Text

So in recent personal developments I've realized that I have like clinical levels of anxiety lmao

#gjsjdjs i was texting my bestie who happens to be in the mental health field abt it #and they were like ''buddy i couldve told you that like back in 2018 lol'' sskfkfk ok yes in hindsight i see it but im not very self aware #i wasnt raised to pay attention to mental health and ive spent the last 20 years of my life squashing my emotions #was reflecting on that & looking back through personal posts on my other blog it goes back year of me talking about being anxious #so ive realized its to the point where the last couple of months im just constantly anxious #anxious when i wake up anxious when i go to sleep anxious when im with friends anxious when im at work #after reading two years worth of anxiety posts this morning i was like. ah. thats what that is #my coworker asked me like a month ago if i feel like im an anxious person & i was like 'no i wouldnt say i am. sometimes but not often'#like bitch you are a liarrrrrr lmao i should genuinely be medicated for it in hindsight #thats probably why im constantly anxious especially with this whole dating thing. its 20+ years of repressed stress & anxiety boiling over #how fun. welp. thats another thing to add to my adult things to-do list. time to find someone to diagnose me & get me on anti-anxiety meds #yayyyyyy i hate having to constantly fix stuff about myself. im tired of realizing things lol #anywho. that explains a lot over the last several months lol #my thoughts

1 note · View note

velvetwarfare · 6 months ago

Text

wheezes im. kinda feeling really insecure with my lute portrayal rn. probably going to just go to bed.

#🐀 OOC. 🐀#ah yes this is why I always played OCs lol #the great anxiety of comparing myself to others and then doubting if my current threads are good enough #man I. really hate playing canon characters sometimes lol.

0 notes

clownboy-yeehonk · 7 months ago

Text

.

#good news gang i survived my shift by transitioning smoothly from severe hangxiety to caffeine jitters #to being so tired i feel physically ill but i am in fact home and me and my babies had a good shift #but good god #theres that line in natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 in the duel #when pierre says “there is something inside of me #something terrible and monstrous“#like i get u bb it be like that sometimes #but god is merciful its a gross cloudy day that is perfect rotting in bed for 12 hours before transitioning to couch rot #im off tonight then 2 shifts and then i have a week off and i will make it through this if it kills me #i am proud of myself for not callikt out last night even if it was only bc the holiday #id rather drop dead at work than have poeple think im weasling out of my holiday #also calling out would have intensified the “do people hate me” spiral which wouldnt have been productive #its ok tho im gonna sleep so hard ill develop bed sores i can feel it im so excited #being so painfully exhausted does have the upside of ending up with the best goddamn sleep ever nothing compares #shout out to my coworkers who responded to my experience of getting quite drunk in a basement and chain smoking other peoples cigarettes #with “ah those were the days i really miss that”#the drummer was right nurses really are just all like that

1 note · View note

killbaned · 2 years ago

Text

ok i saw down in bed to get comfy and now i’m kinda like.

sims? maybe i have enough energy to play the sims???

#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate feeling like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis #local man slept 16 hours last night and is still exhausted #tbh that's the reason i made myself go out to the store bc i was like #ah maybe i'm stuck in the loop of feeling low energy because i haven't DONE anything the past few days #ykwim? how sometimes it's a circle of am tired do nothing get more tired from lack of activity etc

1 note · View note

soobnny · 1 year ago

Text

ten things lee know says when he thinks you’re asleep — fluff, established relationship, squint of angst

one. ah, i forgot to tell you, there's a new barbecue place that opened recently. i saw it while i was walking with hannie, and i heard they have really good meat. we should go there soon, maybe have it over a few drinks. i'll buy you meat, let's go eat it together.

two. yongbok tells me i should tell you 'i love you' more. i think he's right. i'm sorry if i don't say it enough. i'm just—new to this. but i really do love you, more than you know.

three. i never feel like i'm wasting my time when i'm with you. even if we're just sitting beside each other in silence, even if we're just drinking tea, even if we do nothing for hours. every moment i spend with you feels so fulfilling. it would be hell with anyone else.

four. soonie, doongie, dori need a mom, hm? they already love you anyway. sometimes i think doongie loves you more than he loves me. i think it's because he's most like me. ahh, do you think they'll love our kids in the future too? do you think they'll get jealous they won't be our only kids? (sigh) i can't wait to marry you.

five. when i'm having a really hard day, i feel healed just by having you with me. how do you do that? how do you make my day better just by talking to me for a minute? i think... wait, i know life is less of a hassle because i'm living in it with you.

six. i've never been the type to wish for time to stop, but there is something about being with you that makes me consider it. when i look at you laughing, unaware that you look so beautiful, i understand for a moment.

seven. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. please don’t leave me. i’m sorry. i hate seeing you cry. i hate that it’s because of me. i’m sorry. please stay with me.

eight. i always find myself describing you when someone asks me what love is.

nine. you promised to eat well, didn't you? did we promise? i guess it wasn't a promise, but i asked you to do so. are you eating well lately?

ten. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. and for as long as i’m alive, you will always be loved.

4K notes · View notes