#ah but it's fine ig
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Obi [part 2] part1
punching bag the front bottoms // break good kid // portrait d'une femme ezra pound // carcass charles baudelaire // white noise james marriott
#akagami no shirayukihime#snow white with the red hair#ans#obi#ah yes thursday is web weaving obi day#web weaving#indie music taste and literature student strikes again#i dont like this one as much as the prev one but its fine ig#focus: obi's eyes#and themes: whatever i want it to be#mandatory dagger pic
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I love how much Kab haunts the lore on After Hours. She’s not there, but she owns Allrich and Phea’s souls. She controls every action they make. She makes the rules, and they have to follow them even when she’s been gone for weeks. Phea comments Multiple times about how Kab hasn’t been around. How they miss her (even if they shouldn’t.)
Because Kaboodle is on Lifesteal now- she’s found more people to mess with. Phea’s left in an empty base that belongs to Kab. Her soul is missing, and she doesn’t even want it back, because she still genuinely wants to be friends with Kab!! Even if she’s busy, even if she hasn’t thought about them.
Allrich and Phea are left without souls, for who knows how long. Until Kaboodle decides to pay them a visit again. They still can’t talk to Psyan without arguing, and they’re veryy Slowly buying back everything Kab (and Branzy) gave away. She could log on at any moment and change the entire course of the server within seconds. A single “Phea, say mean things to Kantje.” And it ruins an entire possible friendship.
And she’s just gone. And Phea can’t even hate her for it! (It’s okay, Allrich resents her enough for the both of them.) Psyan is left without any real friends or a team, and they all miss each other SO much, but there’s nothing they can do while Kab owns Phea and Allrich’s souls. They keep talking about “When we’re friends with Psyan again,” and then everything they’ll be able to do together again. They can’t rebuild a guild farm Without him, they refuse.
They also finally acknowledged how Psyan has never stopped wearing gold armor and it’s sooo. They’re all really sad and bitter about each other. They make me sick.
#chill building server they said!!!!!#I hate you AH!Kaboodle you have ruined so much of this server#Everything would have been fine if not for her!!!#okay probably not but she was a big catalyst for everything bad#after hours smp#afterhours smp#Allrich#Pheeabee#Kaboodle#Psyan#I’m hiding this in the tags because idk if any of the members go on Tumblr?#so spoilers ig?#but Allrich genuinely being SO upset when he broke the gold sword that Psyan gave him#it was so devastating. allrich having to remake it and struggling with how many levels and enchantments it took#it was about a half hour of work to recreate#but he felt so bad about breaking the gift
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GUESS WHOSE PACKAGE ARRIVED AT 6 PM?!?!?
#dolphin noises#the end of the package saga ig 😅#let that poor driver rest though 😓 they just dumped my package on the hallway floor despite it being very mailbox-sized#ah well im not mad at least i got my game in fine condition!! 😁#while waiting for my switch to update i noticed the saturation of innomata's cover art was improved in printing compared to the ps3 manual#nice to see the HD carries across more than just the game's graphics :)
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trying to figure out if this mutual blocked me or if it was tumblr doing something wonky
#like if they want to block me that's fine yknow#just was surprising is all since the last convo we had didn't seem like i was going to get blocked is all#... plus admittedly i did check their blog while logged out and it was glitchy so it's why i wonder if tumblr just glitched out#impossible to tell#ah well#i wish them well regardless#if they got out of this hellhole good for them if they blocked me idk i'm sorry for whatever it was that led to it ig?#and i hope they have a nice life
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i remember watching the galar starters reveal at school in the computer room and being so disappointed but now they're some of my favourites 🥴 i rlly like galar as a whole tbh. like it introduced a bunch of my favourite pokemon and gym leaders
#sylph.txt#ppl rlly do not like that game tho so dndj makes me a lil sad but i do get it#the natdex stuff the textures the linear routes the least memorable villain team of all time overall poor plot#ah and dynamax gimmick is stupid too djjd tho it's p inoffensive. just makes the stadium battles more exciting ig#none of that stuff rlly ruins it for me tho fhdn#i'm fine w the routes and i think the wild area is still rlly good#miles better than the sprawling nothingness of paldea#scorbunny and grookey r so cuties . sobble is good too but lesser so
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will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual
fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable
#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do#but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years#every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing#we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence#two years ago it was just depressing af#last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once#except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already#but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC#as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs#ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying#and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine#yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig#i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after#yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are#i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t#personal for ts#janie rants
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my evening plans owo
#okay tbh the seats aren't the best bc of the acrylic panel#it's fine but I think one row up or one seat right would have been... better lol#ah well ig as a tradeoff I have an aisle seat...? lol#*
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Anytime someone out of the loop reblogs any boy king au art, I always just wanna put a huge asterisk like "THIS IS PART OF A PREEXISTING AU, A VETTONSO AU, PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT IT 🙏" cause most people are very surprised to learn how much of a narrative there is sjfklf
#yes he is boy king seb but he is a very specific boy king 🥰#why did i name this au boy king as if hes not emperor#doesnt roll off the tongue as easily ig ;;;#its fine tho bcs hes always boy king in my heart but like. do be aware.#im on a unimaginable level of rpf#like not only is it f1 rpf but it is also ultra specific historical rpf lmfao#BUT HEY IM GLAD YOU GUYS LIKED THE NEW ART#I LIKE IT A LOT IM VERY PROUD OF IT#it was so terrible last night tho cause i really wanted to finish it#but i drank coffee that i THOUGHT was fully decaf#and i had it with ice cream(i am lactose intolerant)#so yeah i was able to finish the art but i also laid in bed in pain at like 5 am#but the show must go on! boy king gets what boy king wants!#as cofi said to me. he truly is the golden child 🥹 i always put the most deranged energy into painting him#ah man tho im sad to have finished this project in just a 3 day span. it was a lot of fun#i think next ill have to draw silly ship chibis of seb harassing nando w the sceptre and orb etc etc#catie.rambling.txt
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clawing my eyes out trying to install this patch
#it was verifying and then my computer turned off and set it back to patching at 36%#and this was after like 2 hours of downloading it#so now i have to wait until tonight to download it#i'm gonna be too tired by the time it's done to even play istg#it's fine ig i'll play something else#but like AH right when i fixed my save to finish my original galemance playthrough...#rambling
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pro tip: if you're going to stay up until 1:40 AM don't start thinking about some of the lowest points in your life <3
#eugh feel kinda nauseous but its fine#i am going to take melatonin#and i am going to get out of that headspace#like guys dw nothing happened#im just thinking about when things did happen and its putting me back in that weird spot and ah fuck#nobody says stuff#venting ig#uhhhh idk my brain is too fried to think about it
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#whew you know when you've been Going for a while and then you get a break and you're still tired but you're also so so jittery#S WHERE IM AT OHHH MY GOD#luxury problem and it's totally fine but i am crawling up the walls my friends#also update time ig!! took my family to the autism group meeting thing on tuesday bc it was a meeting esp for that#and they kept throwing me glances throughout the info part like lol it's you JDFHJDFH it was v interesting#bc throughout it all it's like... here i have info about autism and here i have my 25 years lived experience without thinking i had autism#and since i wasn't diagnosed as a kid i wasn't as ~obvious about it and i find it hard to reconcile examples with myself if they#don't fit 100% (it's . the autism) so anyways it was v helpful!!!#and my mum was like ah yeah i always had moments where i thought so?? but then it didn't fit the cold white boy stereotype bc i#am empathetic and i have humour etc so she never mentioned it to me bc it's a big thing etc and tbf i wasn't ~ready pre-this year#but now it's like... ah yes i was always upset on holidays and they never got why (the change in Everything)... i was picky with food#and with new shoes and i HATED shopping and it overwhelmed me so much (still does)#i would ask my mum what tf i was feeling and why i was crying and i would analyse social interactions#and i'd have obsessions with media and horses etc. was big know-it-all. was so slow with some subjects at school#like yknow when you had to copy letters 80 times? that'd take me ages and i'd get a fail bc i was being so precise#anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in?#i never noticed a problem with eyecontact but im trying to let myself not do it and it's kinda nice?? but idk#and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc#so see then im like so ARE YOU ACTUALLY-- but anyways it seems i am#and my mum made me realise that'd. explain why i suddenly developed depression around age 11 and never got out of it again#so lots of Thinking!!! and wanting to shelve things like ok great figured it out NOW WHAT but noooo#also stupid to do this on tumblr and not rly talk about it with irl friends but what do you say like#hello im autistic? yeah it surprised me too. no i can't really explain how it works for me. no that's not how the spectrum works#so here we are yes#<3
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remember lalo salamanca...he was as they say the moment
#evil clown man who was so good at cooking and extremely sexy#ah now I'm remembering nacho. god. nacho 🥺 I loved him#and GUS!!!! honestly?#fuck jimmy id watch a show about kim lalo nacho and gus#eh ig jimmy can be in the background but I do despise him#I loved mike brba but in the prequel he was like. fine ig#more development did not endear me to him#cor.txt
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for my own selfish comfort i'm thinking of taking the weekend off to sleep with keigo; tangled up, warm and safe, only moving when he forces me to eat and drink, him gently manhandling me even while i sleep as to be sure i'm the comfiest i can be.
#selfshipping#keigo#i really need keigo. he'd know what to do.#personal#theres typos ugh whatever#cw: vent#i kinda hate to vent of this bc its supposed to be about my selfship only but ah fine ig#if i change my mind i'll just edit this#i'm happy this years over! more than i can say#i wasn't well for the majority of time but i still tried my best - at the high cost of my physical health during many times.#i still hate overworking but i don't have other options as of now#my hope is that someday in the near future i can be gentler with my body like it deserves.#meanwhile i'm trying to keep it as nourished and happy as possible which can vary as it depends of just many factors.#i'm not happy to get sick day in and out or injured in fact it really hurts.#i just needed to put this somewhere i guess. today's been very long and emotional#i'm just craving his utmost care and love
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jackal win Did Not lose my entire marbles on my siblings again
jackal loss i have now learned the smalls has NO survival instincts,
#jackals barks#trying to work on dinner an the smallest Is Not Listening which is dangerous AND frustrating#so im like okay. lemme do it by myself. he has a lil freak out im like okay! feelings are feelings thats fine Im Steppin Back#bc we're both having Big Feelings i dont want anyone getting More Upset#how does that translate into 'follow me and complain More even when i explicitly state 'ily. im scared im going to hurt you If You Dont Give#Me A Second To Calm My Crazy Lil Ass Down Pls And TY'#it doesn't help i was already mad they're STILL not cleaning and im like#man how explosively do i gotta McLose It b4 they LISTEN..........#anyways. AH#apologized for almost losing it + talked to momther who apparently also talked to the kids (ig smalls talked to mids first?)#she also doesn't think unfortunately that they Get It and im like OTL#i try So Hard to keep my temper in check bc i am NOT gonna be like Fucking Travis but. gd the pmdd anger feels almost. dissociative ??#like im not Myself and i mean it Literally#ANYWAYS tldr no one is dead but oh my god i need money + life 2 chill so I can speak to The Brain Wizard an the Lack Of Balls Wizard
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i have enjoyed watching these movies because to me adam myoc is just like them ykwim. he's big, a freak, likes killing ppl, the only thing stopping him from wearing a mask is the fact that his face is so expressionless that it practically is one.
#tho he can be quite tender with silas. but silas gives him the weird shit he wants. so it's not wholly altruistic lol#i was going to say “and i mean he isn't a freak about his mom” but i realized i have before explicitly written that him lying by silas' sid#was like lying beside his mother but. i. i didn't mean it like THAT#just that he has had so few instances of feeling comfort that he can only really compare it to that bc it's the only frame of ref he has#even tho... he did just try to kill him. but like. he asked him to so it's kind of fine ig. he didn't succeed but it's like. ah. he's just#a little guy to me really. him and jason are like. the same kind of guy in a way. tho adam doesn't really kill people for no reason#but it would appear to others that it didn't have a reason. but he's like. a dog. so you might think he's smiling but that's not what he's#doing ykwim..#as i have said before adam does technically have a last name(it's silas') but it's in the same way as when you take your dog to the vet and#it's like oh pancake lastname lol. but using “myoc” is funnier 2 me lol. anyway look forward to more posts on here about them
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i fucking hate being right
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#my great grandma just passed#and im fuckin#i knew it was going to happen bc she fell a few days ago and broke her hip#and even tho she was recovering fine she still passed#i had a feeling itd be soon#she was in her 90s#and she was starting to lose her memory and always talking about how much she missed my great grandpa and how ready ahe was to see him#she talked in circles a lot#i just#fuck this fucking sucks cause she helped raise me yk#shes been a huge part of my life and has always been so sweet and acceptinf and fuck im going to miss her so much#i knew sje didnt have much time left but that doesnt mean it still hurts any less#im just ugly crying alone in my apt now#my gm was like “wanna come over for a bowl of chili” when i told her lmao#shes just like me fr#time to drown in work and not think about it until the funeral ig
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