#agh i did the thing again
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Wuh oh (Patreon)
Bonus:
The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Loop#Yaaaay suffering <3 <3 <3#Lol#Starting with a cute practice Sif to get used to drawing them a bit more they're so cute what the heck#He's so shaped I love that for him and about him#Crisp design very nice#Sif really is the embodiment of ''Ignorance is bliss'' and being so maladjusted about it :'D#His memory issues make the me a sad#Ironically I try not to think about it too hard or else I'll get Really sad lol#Memory is the foundation of individual personhood! It's such a tragedy weh#Him brushing things off by falling back into his issues is just so agh Sif no you deserve better!#Some sillies lol I never know if I should give content warnings for these kinds of jokes - I don't make them often!#Loop's line in the Jello streams is So good I couldn't not lol#Happy Wednesday fr btw lol yes I did do that on purpose#The last one agh the red and like - can we talk about Sif (and Loop's and Odile's) specific portraits where their hands do the spark thing??#I always forget how art can be Whatever and that overlapping/removing lineart to imply shapes and movement and just jfdslafd#It's so cool I love it so much it's very inspiring#The bonus is mostly a joke lol - again while watching the Jello streams Lenti was talking about how much she relates to Sif#And I was privately like ''Haha thank goodness I don't relate to him! Couldn't be me!'' And Then#It's fine lol I'm aware of my overlapping issues - I fall more on the Isa side of ''Sounds fake but okay'' but yeah.....yeahhhh lol#As long as I don't get trapped in a time loop about it! Poor Sif haha
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Overhead, the stars shone clear and bright, and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn, on the foothills across this very city, though she might be little more than a strange, mighty being from another world, he offered up a prayer anyway.
Then, he had begged Mala to protect Aelin from Maeve when they entered Doranelle, to give her strength and guidance, and to let her walk out alive. Then, he had begged Mala to let him remain with Aelin, the woman he loved. The goddess had been little more than a sunbeam in the rising dawn, and yet he had felt her smile at him.
Tonight, with only the cold fire of the stars for company, he begged her once more.
A curl of wind sent his prayer drifting to those stars, to the waxing moon silvering the camp, the river, the mountains.
He had killed his way across the world; he had gone to war and back more times than he cared to remember. And despite it all, despite the rage and despair and ice he'd wrapped around his heart, he'd still found Aelin. Every horizon he'd gazed toward, unable and unwilling to rest during those centuries, every mountain and ocean he'd seen and wondered what lay beyond... It had been her. It had been Aelin, the silent call of the mating bond driving him, even when he could not feel it.
They'd walked this dark path together back to the light. He would not let the road end here.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#Essar#Mala#more starry quotes#lord of the north#I will find you#no spoilers pls 1st read to read along with me pt 4 of 4 perspectives more notes/quotes/reacts in tags; spoilers in both post & tags#They would not all go in all go out. — he won’t leave without Aelin… and probably Cairn dead#Ready to unleash hell when he sent a flare of his magic diverting soldiers to their side while Rowan made his run for Aelin.#She'd protested but even Gavriel had told her that she was mortal. Untrained. And what she'd done today… Rowan didn’t have the words#thank you for Elide appreciation day#He trusted Essar. She'd never liked Maeve had outright said she did not serve her with any willingness or pride.#But these last few hours before dawn when so many things could go wrong...#the full circle of him praying to Mala in HoF and then mentioning it in QoS and EoS and now here in KoA😭#She had to be there. Aelin had to be there.#If they had come so close but wound up being the very thing that had caused Maeve to take Aelin away AGAIN#The bond within him lay dark and slumbering. No indication of her proximity. — Maeve doing that too AGH I HATE HER SO MUCH#Essar had no idea that Aelin was being kept here until Elide informed her. How many others hadn't known? How well had Maeve hidden her?#— maybe that means there’s some good face on their side who might help if they know or learn?#ah rowaelins love language of revenge and compartmentalizing#Overhead the stars shone clear and bright and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn on the foothills across this very city#though she might be little more than a strange mighty being from another world he offered up a prayer anyway.#his magic sending a prayer to the northern stars for dawn to stay with the woman he loves — even back then😭#Tonight with only the cold fire of the stars for company he begged her once more.#HE SAYS COLD FIRE BECAUSE ITS NOT HIS FIREHEART😭 and the the darkness back to the light �� IT WILL NOT END HERE WE WONT LET IT HE WONT LET IT#and the fact he knew he loved her back then😭 and all those centuries before when he didn’t know why😭😭😭
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Whumptober day 13- infection
Idk if any of you remember the post about me asking about how to write signing, but that post was for this fic. This is about Moon, my beloved Link oc and he is deaf, so I needed to write a way for him to be signing. I was originally going just use apostrophes but most of the deaf people who responded to that post said how I should use normal quotation marks, so that’s what I did. I hope it won’t get confusing, I tried to make it clear that Moon and Groose were signing, so just know that when they’re talking to each other, they’re signing. Thanks again to the deaf people who responded to that post ☺️
Anyways if you wanna know more about Moon, you can just go on the “moon” tag or “the hand of Farore” tag. There’s A LOT to Moon. You can even go to @thehandoffarorecomic if you want, but there’s no comic just yet. Rn I’m playing with the story.
Warning for an infection. It’s pretty mild lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Link had been distant from the others for a while now, and Groose was starting to get worried about him. Link wasn’t a very social person, so him keeping to himself wasn't at all strange, especially after what happened in Groose’s own home. But the way he walked away from Groose everytime he approached him was odd, it was almost as if he was avoiding him. Farore noticed his behavior as well, and though she tried to talk to him about it, it seemed to have been in vain.
“He won’t talk to me,” she said, her little bunny nose twitching, “I know that he’s still new at signing, but I figured that he’d at least tell me something.”
Groose shrugged. “Link isn’t that new to sign language. He’s actually quite a chatterbox whenever we talk.”
Farore frowned. “So he’s good at sign language, why isn’t he telling me anything?”
“You’re a goddess aren’t you? Shouldn’t you know everything?”
“Knowing everything is Nayru’s job, not mine!”
Groose rolled his eyes. “Isn’t that just convenient.”
“Watch it Groosie, I’m still a goddess.”
Groose snorted. “Sure sure, don’t call me Groosie. So what should we do?”
Farore hopped closer to him and rested against his legs. “Have you tried talking to him?”
“I have. He just walks away from me. I’m worried.”
“Well, you should try harder.”
Groose was taken aback. Of course he would’ve tried harder, but after what happened, he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. “W-why me? He’s with you all the time!”
“Yes, but… I think you’re the first friend he’s ever had. Plus, you’re both the same age, I think you’ll have an easier time connecting with him.”
“Farore, I’ve tried to talk to him. It’s not gonna work now.”
“Then try harder.”
“Oh my Din, why do you want me to try harder? You’re around him more, you know him more, I… my mom tried to get him killed, why would he— why would he want to talk to me?”
“Groose, please,” Farore pleaded, giving him a serious look. “Just try one more time.”
Groose groaned “Fine! Fine, I’ll ‘try harder’!”
“Thank you.”
Groose glared at Farore and stomped away. He didn’t care that she was a goddess and that he was sassing her, she was annoying, and it wasn’t like she was Din anyways. It took him a moment to find Link, but Groose finally found him under a tree by a pond. His eyes were closed, and he was holding his leg with a strained expression on his face. Groose frowned and knelt down in front of him, lightly tapping him on the knee. Link flinched and his eyes opened wide as he stared at Groose in shock, but he calmed down when he realized he was in no danger.
“Are you ok?” Groose signed, titling his head in concern. Link was pale, and his eyes had bags underneath them.
“I’m good,” Link quickly signed back, and Groose figured that he would say that. It’s all he told him since he started acting strange.
“Just try one more time.”
Farore’s words echoed through Groose’s mind and he rolled his eyes. He should obey the goddess, or at least put some effort in. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that Link was still upset over what happened with his mother… he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries.
Link’s eyes closed and Groose tapped his leg again, being met with annoyed blue eyes.
“You’re not good. You look sick.”
Link looked away, and Groose moved so he was in his vision.
“Are you sick?”
Link pursed his lips and looked down at his leg. “It won’t slow me down. Don’t worry,” he finally answered. Groose frowned. That was a weird thing to say.
“I don’t care that it won’t slow you down, I care that it will hurt you, or worse.”
Link stared at him, his grip around his leg tightening. Groose noticed and reached for his hand, but stopped.
“May I?” He asked, and Link didn’t respond. Groose slowly reached for his hand again, and Link didn’t fight back, instead, he let his hand be taken off his leg. Groose didn’t know what he expected, but he realized that with Link wearing pants, it would be difficult to see anything wrong. Groose sighed, at least there was no visible blood. “Does it hurt there?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I got a cut. It’s been there for a while.”
Groose felt his blood run cold. Was there an infection?
“I need to see it. Now,” Groose signed rather quickly, and Link looked at him confused. He brought his fingers together in one hand and pointed them all to his palm, then dragged a finger up his arm slowly. Groose sighed and signed a little slower and more clearly. “I need to see your injury. This could be serious.”
“I’ve turned out fine before.”
“Have you had cuts like this before?”
“I have. And I’ve walked them off before.”
“Link, you can’t just walk injuries off.”
“I had to,” Link’s face had nothing but anger written on it, and he stared straight into Groose’s eyes that it made him squirm. “If I couldn’t, then I would’ve been left for dead!” Link’s arms flailed slightly as his hands flip-flopped at the end of his sentence.
Groose backed away a little as Link’s breathing grew heavy, tears beginning to appear in his eyes. Guilt gripped Groose’s heart as he thought about everything that happened before. His mother trying to kill Link, the slavers tormenting Link with their very existence, and Groose didn’t do enough to stop it. He sighed and stared at Link’s shaking hands. He looked up and waved at Link to make sure he was watching.
“You won’t be left for dead. Not with me. I promise,” he signed slowly and clearly, making sure that Link understood that Groose would never do such a thing. “You’re my friend,” Groose’s pointer fingers hooked together, and he kept them there for a while while Link just stared, looking more exhausted than before, and Groose tried again. “Let me help you. Please.”
Link finally nodded and let Groose check his leg. He rolled up his pants and inspected his shin, which was where the injury was. Groose was not a medic by any means, but he could tell that with the way the cut was inflamed that it was infected. He decided to go to Farore to help, figuring that she would know what to do more than himself. Groose’s worry grew when Link limped painfully to Farore, and he knew that the infection was severe, he just didn’t know how bad it was.
Thankfully, Farore knew ingredients for a healing potion, which Groose was able to make right away. As soon as Link drank it, he started to act more like himself. His color returned to him, his fever went down, and his eyes were lit up again. Groose was relieved that the healing potion worked, and he stuck by Link’s side while it went through his system. It didn’t take long for Link to finally fall asleep, and Groose was left alone with Farore, who was curled up on his chest for comfort.
“I knew you could do it,” she said after a moment of silence.
“Do what?” Groose asked.
“Get through to him.”
Groose rolled his eyes, but he smiled slightly.
“Why were you so intent on me getting through to him though? He likes you more, you—“ Groose paused, feeling guilty again, “you aren’t responsible for his pain.”
Farore tilted her head. “You’re not responsible for his pain either.”
“No, not for all of it, but… if I had stood up to my mother more, or had spoken up against the slavers that she worked with or—or anything to stop my mother’s involvement with slavery I— Link wouldn’t had suffered like he did!”
Farore frowned. “That’s not fair to you Groose. You are not responsible for your mother’s actions. You were manipulated by her. You didn’t understand the extent of what was happening with slavery.” Farore got close to Groose’s face. “You didn’t know any better.”
“I should’ve known. I’m going to be the king of the Gerudo, I should’ve known better.”
Farore made a sad face and backed away. “You’re only sixteen. You’re still a child.”
Groose didn’t say anything and instead held onto Link’s hand. Farore rested her paw on their clasped hands and they all stayed there for a moment, until Farore spoke up again.
“I’m not gonna be with him forever.”
Groose looked at her confused. “What do you mean?”
“When this is all over, me and my sisters will return to the sacred realm, we will leave Hylia to protect Hyrule again, and… I’ll have to leave Link behind.”
Groose stared at her. She was going to leave everything behind?
“I won’t be gone gone,” she quickly clarified, “I’ll be here in spirit, and I’ll listen and answer your prayers. But physically I won’t be here anymore. I just want…. I just want Link to have support when I’m away. That’s why I pushed you to talk to him.”
“O-oh,” was all that Groose was able to say. Though he knew she was a goddess, it was easy to forget. Farore gave Groose a smile and hopped away. But before she jumped off the bed, she turned to Groose.
“Link doesn’t blame you for anything. I hope you know that.”
Groose’s hand tightened around Link’s. He didn’t believe her, even though he knew she was right, it wasn’t ok for Groose to believe her. Farore hummed at his reaction.
“You should talk to Link about it.”
Groose pursed his lips and stared at his unconscious friend. “I’ll do it when he’s better.”
Farore smiled slightly. “Ok, fair enough. Do it when he’s better.” Groose smiled at Farore before she jumped off the bed, leaving him alone with Link.
#gosh what even are endings#agh#anyways#smiles writes#thehandoffarore#moon#whumptober#whumptober 2023#ugh I need to get started on Moon’s story#I love him#whumptober day 13#anyways I hope you guys liked this cuz it felt like pulling teeth lol#describing signs are difficult fr#I hope I did a good enough job with that#like describing the sign ‘again’ was way too difficult dhdjdbdj#I’m much better at visually showing things#anyways I hope the signing isn’t hard to understand#I love moon#the poor kid :(#and poor groose#there’s a lot of context that i should add huh…..#bascially when the world was taken over by demise and dying#some selfish people used others to become powerful.#and Groose’s mother worked with slavers so that the Gerudo could get food#Groose’s mother is… a mess to say the least
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*eats food i'm not supposed to*
*is in pain*
*shocked pikachu face*
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《이걸로 영영 이별이라니... 믿고 싶지 않아?》
so that new rokia alt huh
#puyo puyo#rokia#and or#roquier#depending on who you ask.#my stuff#tw eyestrain#eyestrain#bright colors#i need to tag all my bases with this thing because if attwn park's videos are one thing theyre eyestrain#anyway everyone listen to pinata and i by attwn park‼️#the video on youtube has english translation if you need it!!#i just wanted to draw this dude and i happened to be listening to comic relief(newest album from attwn park)#and before that i was like. agh acab sorry rokia(roquier)#and tgen i remembered the bat? and idk man#this is symbolic in a way the video for pinata and i isnt. but uhhh something about killing your past self#honestly i dont know much about this alt i know korean not japanese#in uh. two years when kr ppq catches up with jp ppq its all over for you guys because ill know what the flavor text says#half joking btw.#but from what i know about him its like. he was a cop the whole time maybe? undercover at the spacetime detective agency?#and if thats the case then like. this is twice as killing-yourself-symbolic#killing your own persona to work undercover then killing the undercover persona to be you again but undercover changed you so fundamentally#idk if you look closely enough and you have enough delusion you can twist anything to be about anyone.#and i choose to make pinata and i about rokia and his cop alt.#anyway if you cant read the text in the picture (i did make it very hard to read) its '이걸로 정녕 민족할 거야?'#which does indeed roughly translate to 'are you truly satisfied with this'?#or like. alternatively its 'are you really going to be satisfied like this' but i chose to go with the tl on the subs#anyway. this is inktober 5 LOL#something quick and easy to make up for the fact ive been drawing like seven pieces in one for every past piece so far#signing off for today. dont stare at this too long you'll go blind
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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randomly saw a post of yours on my dash and came to say i rly like your url. then i saw boe and went :D and now i must say i rly like boe too :]
wah!!! wahhh!!!!! thank you!!!!! 🌺🌹🍀🌸
also i'm always short on words whenever it comes to answering asks like these, but it always makes me smile seeing folks liking Boe. makes me :) <- that. but seriously thank you for liking my bloag name too :) i like it myself too.
also take a look at Boe's dog okay? okay? his name is Budd okay? this guy
#ask#ackee#boe#boe tai marrow#budd#my characters#my art#i wanted to draw Budd again since i havent done so in a long time... so i did >:]#also podey bogg is just my personal bastardization of ''puppy dog''#i dont know if i want to refer to Budd's species as such. he's just a hell pooch. animal of hell.#he eats trash btw. Budd. not Boe.#Boe probably eats normal things id imagine. whatever limbo's supermarket has. if limbo has one.#also Budd's full name is technically Buddy. but Boe always calls him Budd.#in terms of his size. i imagine him to be the size of a cinderblock. or bigger. basically Boe can pick him up but i think hes a bit weighty#he's also just got one tooth. the opposite of how Boe's missing just one tooth#also i think Budds design is fun in how he's simplistic and easy to draw. whereas Boe is a lot more complex.#i love juxtaposition i think. and themes. its fun i think.#he's also red! you can find more art of him in the budd tag if youd like to see more :) if that feature works correctly still.#you know how tumblrs being recently. agh.#his design became more finalized after i recieved some fanart of him a long while back.... i gotta reblog that again.#anyway :) thank you for enjoying my skeleton and blog name. it does mean a lot despite my small vocabulary :)
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hm. my dad is now aware that i have slept over at eriks when i visit him.
#dont love that.#he brought it up bc i have an aunt and uncle in his city and i think he was going to offer to like see if i could stay with them at some#point to visit him#he was like have you thought of visiting erik in (city)? and i was like. yeah#and he was like. have you? and i was like. yeah. and he was like how many times? and i said twice and he was like oh. where did you stay?#and i said. eriks place. and he was like. oh. well you know you have an aunt and uncle there that would let you stay right? and i was like.#yeah i know. and it was in front of my mom and sister and brother in law and HIS sister and everyone was so quiet because they know how my#dad is#and i was like in the process of leaving so i just like said bye to everybody real quick and left so im still like. agh. scawed!#idk why even its not like theres anything he can do to me its just like. god i really want to have peace with him i do not want to ever hav#another lecture from him or get yelled at by him again idk im still scared of that. and he hasnt even met erik yet and probably has a#terrible impression of him now just based off of that even though i am always telling them great stuff about him i dont want HIM to deal#with that especially because i do not think that he would take as much bullshit which he shouldnt have to but god i just have this vision o#my dad like. pulling erik aside for a talk or something if they ever meet and trying to scare him and them getting into an argument bc erik#would stand up for himself#idk who knows if that will happen im literally making up scenarios in my head to scare myself but christ. \#the thing is also at this point in my life i just like. i have to keep moving forward in like. the whole living my life without constantly#thinking about the church's and my dad and the rest of my family's expectations. I have to. I almost lied to him but i didnt and thats#really big progress but im still so scared. but whatever. do it scared. agh!
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Hey.
Had a fun lil crash, but… better, ig.
I should've tried to talk internally instead of expecting others (irl/externally) to be able to help when I don't even know what kind of help I need :<
…🦊 came by and helped me out... Specifically, he went out of his way to type stuff out (Ellipsus) so we could talk. Long-haired look instead of the typical way they're drawn, if u wanna know, but that's just a little extra detail.
I apologized to her again about… everything, ig :< I was stupid, I forgot that we're supposed to work together and that I should be able to ask the others for help 😞 He forgave me, and in their own way shared that she understands that I go through a lot. A hell of a lot.
So… I guess things are kinda ok now. He even tried a joke, in his own way (which usually when they joke or anything, it kinda comes off sarcastic or rude in some way. But I know they meant to be lighthearted about it.)
It makes me… kinda sad, ig, that I'm the main one who does all this talking. Or ig is the one who needs it this much. I still regret not talking to anyone internally of my own volition at first.
Glad 🦊 was here, ig… Not that I hate em. I actually think we haven't... really had much of a relationship? We're usually close, in a sense, but I think that's more of a... trauma, trigger thingy, for why we might front close together. I don't know if anyone remembers how our relationship would've been before, I just feel like she might've hated me at some point? But I don't have any memory of past interactions, nor of their side of it. I don't know if they remember, either.
I'm glad they were there for me, atleast.
#sepiasys.txt#sepiasys.priv#I still need a name; because the one we use for me? It always feels like a placeholder. If I'm not the one writing or if it's third person;#I never have a name? I don't know if I would like the placeholder. I don't know if I wanted this other name at some point or if that was#someone else. 🦊 actually joked about how I need a name! Like; an actual joke ^^ Well… more *teasing* than anything; but still#Some other notes I know were floating or discarded thoughts -> we tend to do one-on-one conversations; taking turns. It's the most effective#I don't know if we could handle a free-for-all type of conversation; or ig trying to identify ourselves and get a thought out fully that way#That's kinda what the notepad is for; though. Because we don't need to identify but we can sorta feel who it is or if it changes?#But yeah; one-on-one is the most effective even though we wish we could have talks with more than two. But it's fine for now…#I… remember someone wanted to use Ellipsus to talk to 👑; I don't think they did though? …idk. There was a small dark blobby mass thingy that#🦊 grabbed out of the air; it was inserting correction thoughts sorta? Reminders? He threw it out into the distance#Dont worry; it was a weird floaty blob; keyword floaty. It's probably fine; whatever it is.#They hugged me btw. Which I know felt awkward for them; even internally. That was somewhat intentionally reflecting how they've hugged B irl#I appreciate it; though. She… definitely deserves that protector role. Though they definitely can come off as a persecutor; so ig they fit#the whole 'misguided protector' thing. We're all just trying our best 😓#I know we're supposed to eventually be able to trust people irl. but it's hard… and they hurt us. Atleast if we hurt ourselves; it's easier#for us to fix things. I'm trying really hard not to act/sound avoidant towards real people ^^;;;#We just… need to get used to relying solely on ourselves again; to an extent 😅 Need to be able to talk to ourselves and omg no 🌼 please why#I'm uh. mostly sure that 🌼 is here now. (I think it's partially because I thought about how they're the one who handles irl people usually)#AGH ok I'm just ending it here because this- no. I. It's making it rlly hard to focus @_@ SHIT WHAT WAS I WRITING#OKAY I'M GONNA END THIS HERE o_o;;; ^^;; Yeah I can't remember what all was being written *Oops!* ^^;#Uhhh congrats 🦊 and 🪶? <:3 Yeah because that's pretty cool :3 I have a general idea of what happened; yippee!! ^^ Proud of y'all‼️
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Don’t tell me what to do! (Do, do it, he likes it) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#All four here for a change!#I keep forgetting ZEX's bruises agh why I love bruises#I don't know why it won't stick in my mind! Injury signifiers are some of the best agh#Drawing him on-model to earlier and less-abused times! No longer accurate! Will be again though hopefully maybe possibly lol#If he doesn't lose an eye in the meanwhile - he did manage to avoid getting haunted so there goes his arm scar!#All the more reason to Definitely Include his bruises in that case uou Trade one for the other! Sheesh sheesh#I'll get it one of these times lol#It's probably something to do with DAX not getting any facial bruises smh all covered by his clothes#Speaking of - more internal owies the lot lol#He really is so dramatic - ZEX didn't die when he took the medicine you'll be fine just a bit swimmy#And he got to hear ZEX being forceful and commanding he ought to be grateful (lol)#Still mad about it tho lol - he's doing So Much for the sake of the mission and protecting ZEX and now he's totally going to die for it!#Okay DAX lol#It really reminded me of Max getting sick and complaining that he'd die hehe - intentionally mirroring of their respective mismatches? :3c#Who knows ♪#He really was So offended that ZEX reprimanded him lol ♫ He's always playing the disinterested straight man! Don't call him on it! Haha#He's having a rough day Admiral headaches are no fun#I wonder how often VUX get eye-aches from staring at things for too long hmm straining their eyes as they can't move their necks really hmmm#All this extra mobility and for what! For Dexter's body to give him nicotine withdrawals! Haha those are so unrelated
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technically one of those clowns is only half based on an ebay one, the one with a funny snout is because i saw one that looked like he had a snout but when i got him his face was flat..
#i still like him of course. every clown has their charm.#but. snouted clown.... the potential was just too amusing to pass up...#and the first sketch i did is very cute but i couldn't replicate it as can be told with the failed snouts#AGH i'm procrastinating sleeping again..#i've had a headache haunting me all day and so i have to wait for painkillers to kick in so i have a chance of sound sleep lol#my mind keeps going back to the clowns... it cannot escape.#i don't care much about real life clown lore btw. i just like the byproducts so to speak#the iconography perhaps. not the aesthetic as such#my clowns- once they are in my possession- are warped in their tales to fit my narative.#they are things wholly different from their human inspirations#creatures. beasts. little guys#they are mainly of baser instincts though they can follow commands if they're simple#akin to a pets intelligence. maybe greater than a cat's but less than a bird#varies clown to clown though of course. each unique in their capabilities#idk why thinking about this makes me want to cry. maybe it's the headache. THEY'RE ALL JUST LITTLE GUYS#ough... they're all so good.#every time i do one of these tag rants i'm reminded why i'm not one for maintaining a mysterious appearance LOL#key's lockbox
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YOU STILL LIKE IT THOUGH
GENRE: Fluff, crack fic ish?
PAIRING: Choi su-bong/thanos x preg!fem!reader
FEAT: Nam gyu as the supportive bestie (that he never rlly was)
A/N: this fic i based of a request from anon !! Tbh i changed ALOT of the request (haha- sorry 😞) because I felt like it was a little repetitive and idk i just can't write rlly emotional scenes with Thanos for some reason (??) ALSO I feel like there are parts where Thanos seems ooc? Idk.. i wrote this instead of studying in the span of 30 mins
"Whoo!" You hear Thanos shout on the top of his voice while he high fives nam gyu as they both jump up and down as if they were children in elementary school after winning a play ground game
You manage your groan, suppressing it while you stare at them from afar, of course that crazy fucker managed to pass through the first game.
You hated to admit it, but a part of you was relieved,
You always had a thing for psycho guys, and your ex boyfriend? The one with the brightly dyed hair who was now doing some weird dance seemed to proudly embody every part of that sentiment.
You carefully watch from afar, not wanting to catch his eyes, your hand unknowingly lay over your stomach while you move uncomfortably in the bunk bed
Fuck, your feeling dizzy all over again
You hear a thud against your bed post, you look up slowly, your eyes slightly squinting to see the purple haired boy with a usual frown on his face
"Hey" his eyebrows raise "are you okay"
"I thought I told you to get lost earlier"
Your mood swings weren't really helping either
"Geez woman" thanos tchs but sits beside you in your bed anyways "im just trying to help" grumbling under his breath but the cautious expression in his face saied otherwise
"I came here to brag about how amazing i usually am but seeing you like this is just killing the vibe yknow"
he makes a hand gesture in the air, leaning face closer in an attempt to make you smile which does not go wasted as the smile you tried to supress escaped your face
"Fuck off you loser" your still kneeling, your hands over your knees and your face hiding behind your knees but he hears the smile in your voice anyways.
He wouldn't want to admit it, but he was relieved
He always had a thing for girls with pretty voices and you? The girl right next to him had to have one of the prettiest voices he had ever heard. Ofcourse who would better know than a rapper like himself?
"I thought I told you to stick close to me, instead you leech to that crazy old man" thanos says as he points towards gi hun who sat far away in the opposite side
You immediately slap his hand, causing him to wince while retracing it back, rubbing it softly
"How many times will I tell you! You shouldn't point your hands at strangers especially to people who are older" you scold him rather loudly causing him to wince even more
"Agh" thanos ruffles his neon hair while complaining "why don't you shout louder so that everyone will hear and laugh at me?"
You resist the urge to roll your eyes upon his childish manners, he really didn't change
Thanos suddenly bangs the top of the bunk with a loud sound, taking you by shock
"Oi" his voice loud and almost threatening "nam gyu" calling out the man above the bed
Immediately your taken by shock once more when a man's head pops upside down, with black oily hair falling all over his face from above the bed
"Yes Thanos?" Nam gyu quickly inquired while sparing you a quick glance which didn't go unnoticed by the scowling man next to you
"Did you hear her telling me off?" He points at nam gyu before quickly adding "careful, there's only one correct answer"
Nam gyu pauses and thinks which seems to be the wrong thing to do as it just annoys Thanos
"Whats wrong with you, tell me quickly!"
"N-no! Not at all! Infact nobody heard anything!" Nam gyu quickly says, obviously lying but this seemed to please Thanos who now held a haughty face
Wow, this is was supposedly the father of your unborn child. Shame you and your taste in weird guys
Before Thanos could open his mouth to say something, a group of pink guards enter the room with large containers
Straight away you freeze up, shrinking behind the bed while your heart hammered, fear spread across your face
Noticing your expression on your face, instinctively Thanos covers you with his back, shielding you with his arms which covered your sides while his expression, though you could not see was filled with wariness
The pink guards open the large containers they were carrying as everyone watched quietly, scared as they were unsure of what to expect, you included
The pink guard with the white circle lifts up a piece of bread and milk "lunch time" announcing in the same robotic voice like all the other guards
A sigh of relief escapes your mouth as your shoulders relax, unlike you Thanos still shields you, covering your face with his back
You hit him with a thud on the back of his head
"What the hell man" thanos turns around, his eyes glaring at you
"Stop trying to act like a hero you shameless prick" you frown even though his actions did leave you with a warm feeling in your heart
"Your acting so protective after all the stunt you pulled before we broke up" you continue "seeing you act all so protective is just pissing me off even more"
Thanos throws his head back, groaning "give me a break woman. You know I was going through a hard time"
"Bullshit" your fold your arms, as if it was act to protect yourself, and the unborn baby in your stomach.
The poor thing was only 2 months old
The both of you hear nam gyu cough from above the bed, forgetting that he was there in the first place
Again Thanos bangs the top of the bunk, causing you to give him a look
"Stop doing that" you scold him
"doing what?" Thanos raises his eyebrow before banging the top of the bunk again while sticking his tongue at you
Nam gyu pops back down again, upside down, the sight would have been hilarious only if you weren't experiencing the pain in your stomach and the sight of the man sitting beside you
"Go get lunch for me and my girl" thanos tilts his head towards you while avoiding your eyecontact while you tell yourself not to think about the fact that he still referred to you as 'his girl'
"go fast what are you still doing here" thanks reprimanded nam gyu
Nam gyu awkwardly stood unsure of what to say "but it's just one bread and one milk per person"
"Then give her yours" thanos said simply "and go steal someone's lunch for me"
"Then what about for me?" Nam gyu asked dumbfounded which caused Thanos to pause and think for a while
"That's not my fucking problem man- now go" he pushes him away, leaving you with a heavy sigh
"I don't want to eat"
"Don't talk bullshit" thanos eyes you "you think i'm gonna let you starve? I never did, and i wont be starting now"
Again with the whole protective boyfriend act, fuck, why did it make your heart race a little?
"Your still such an asshole, you didnt change a bit" you huffed as you leaned behind, resting your back against the wall
"Well you changed" thanos says which quirks your curiosity
"How so?'
"I don't know" he shrugs "something is different. Something happened, i can't exactly ppint my fi ger at it though"
Your eyes dart away from his while your breathing started to fasten slightly
"Oh yea? How so?" You ask, your voice slightly higher than it was which Thanos picks up immediately
"Ohoho" he grins "did I get it right? Did you get something done?" He glances you up and down which leads you to hitting him
"Ow- i was just joking, you still take everything so seriously" he grumbled holding your hand from hitting him "I wish that part had changed'
Your other hand comes swinging which he again grabs softly
"jokingg" he says in a sing song voice before letting both your arms go leaving you with a scowl and him with a satisfied smirk in his face
"Asshole" you mutter which stretches his smirk even more
"You still like it though"
You almost swear you heard a hint of vulnerability in his tone, prompting you to glance at him quickly just to catch him already looking at you
"So? Aren't you gonna ask me what has changed?" You ask slowly, in your head trying to process whether your doing the right thing or not,
You first found out you were pregnant with your baby right after you and Thanos broke up.
The following days, whenever you went to pay him a visit, he was always missing, causing you to believe maybe it was better for him not to know. And then you suddenly meet him for the first time after your breakup during the squid games
The timing was almost comical
"Why?" Thanos continued still with an amused face "you still seem the same on the inside"
Your hand immediately goes to your stomach, slowly tracing along it from above the green track jacket which everyone wore
"Don't tell me your sick or something" thanos asks with his voice slightly raised as he notices your action "fuck are you?"
His eyes slightly widens as he frowns "hey" he snaps his finger upon your zoning out "are you sick?"
"Hm?" You ask confused
"What the fuck" he swears under his breath with a anxious expression on his face while his hand runs through his finger "is that why your here? To win some money for your treatment?"
"Su Bong its not like that-" All your attempts of correcting him seemed to be futile as he sweared loudly, getting out of the bed
"Shit shit shit!" He grabs his head while he paced around the floor, a sight you had seen a few times over the span of your relationship
"ofcourse that's why your here, you would only be here for a sensible reason"
"Oh, su bong" you attempt to appeal to him, reaching your hand out, pulling his closer towards you while he hands were still over his head, eyes lowered
"Fuck baby I'm so sorry" he breathed out "shit i never should have left, i thought" he paused "I thought I'd win some money and get you back, give you the life you really deserve but"
You watch his dazed expression while he rambled, you bit you underlip, hesitant of whether to tell him the truth still
"Fuck, i didn't even know that, i didn't even know you were sick-"
Before he could continue again you grab his face , forcing him to look at your face
"I'm not sick, that's not why im here"
Thanos breathed heavily, everything felt so real suddenly, he felt his cross necklace strapped around his neck, his fingers itching to pop a pill in his mouth to sooth his nerves
"I'm not sick" you shake your head as you lean your forehead against his "su-bong"
You can still feel his strained breaths and darting eyes
"I'm pregnant"
And it all stopped,
You held your breath, afraid of what would happen if you let go, your could heart your heartbeat from your ears, feel the realisation setting inside thanos,
You were scared. Scared of how he would react
He breaks away first, slowly and gently. Staring at you with no expression in his face,
"And it's yours" you rapidly feel the need to add, taken back by his silence which didn't not suit him "and i know having a kid was never in your plan, and i know things are over between us but-"
Your body is wrapped by his arms and his face nestles in your neck, pulling your deeper in his embrace
"Holy shit" thanos whispers in your ear, you can hear the giddiness radiating off his voice "im a dad"
"Yea you are" you laugh a little as you say "your a dad"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I never got the chance to"
Thanos furrows his eyebrows but doesn't press any more "will you let me be our baby's dad?" He ask
"You know I grew up without a dad, this kid doesn't deserve that" he pokes your stomach with a soft grin which looked slightly odd against his eccentric features "I wanna be in this kids life"
You nodd softly, hearing his words
"And yours too" thanos looks up to you, grinning while he winked at you "senorita"
"You corny bastard" you laugh shaking your head
"You still like it though"
You nodd your head, with tenderness in your eyes and voice
"I do"
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊ extra scene pack !!
"Thanos!" Nam gyu came running with 3 pieces of sweet bread and 3 packets of milk "I got it! Do you know how much trouble i went to get all these-"
"Give it here " thanos grabbed all the bread and milk away "why did you take so long anyways"
Nam gyu held his hands as he pouted "I mean- i had to fight like 2 guys for bread and milk for us-"
Thanos brushed him off as he opened all the packets of bread and poked in the straw of all the milk packets
"Uhm thanos" nam gyu apprehensively called out "What are you doing?"
Thanos hands you all the bread and urges you to eat while he holds the packets of milk in his hand, ready to feed you
Thanos gestures towards you who was sitting in the bed, now wrapped in not only your jacket but his aswell "can't you see the lady is pregnant"
Nam gyu scratched his head "pregnant? With who?"
Thanos shakes his head, exaggerating his actions "dumb ass, she's pregnant with my baby ofcourse" he announced like it was the most obvious thing in the world
"Holy shit!" Nam gyu gaped his hand covering his mouth as he stares at you while you sheepishly smile at him
Thanos let out a small laugh which then slowly grew louder
"What? Why are you surprised? Ofcourse i succeeded in my first try- fuck" he kneels down in pain after being striked by you in the stomach
Nam gyu pulls a face in behalf of Thanos as he pats his back sympathetically while he whispers to you
"Don't worry. I know it probably wasnt his first try or anything- ow" nam gyu kneels on the ground after being hit in the stomach by thanos
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
"What... what are you guys doing?" You question as you approach Thanos and nam gyu who were huddled up in a corner, in a long rather quiet conversation which seemed like an unusual activity for both of them to part take in
Both in the 'discussion' and 'quiet' part
Thanos loops his arm around your with a proud smirk on his face while urging nam gyu to announce what they were discussing
Nam gyu nodds eagerly as gets up in his two feet quickly, standing straight and tall with a loud and confident voice "we have decided the perfect name for the baby !!"
You see thanos's broad smile and nam gyu's confident voice, uneasiness settling in your stomach for whatever name they picked out
"These is the name that Thanos and i have personally given a lot of thought for and chosen after much contemplation !!"
Thanos nodded his head with a content expression while he winked at you, assuring that you'll like it
"Ahem" nam gyu clears his throat "before I announce the name that we have chosen, i would like to give recognition to the name we almost chose aswell !!"
Thanos immediately began clapping his hand loudly "waaah, I never knew you could speak so well "
This comment made nam gyu's chest fill swell with pride as he puffs out his chest a little
"I shall now, announce the first runners up, the name that almost was given to the new born baby"
nam gyu pauses which prompts Thanos to make the sound of drum rolls
"Nebula" nam gyu announces as he and thanos clap loudly.
Seeing your still figure both men urge you to claps aswell
"Nebula?" You mutter under your breath "where have i heard that name before?"
"And now, the name that has been selected over numerous selection test and discussion, the name of the baby is" nam gyu points at your stomach
"Gamora"
Thanos whoops loudly, both nam gyu and him clapping their hands in the air while you stand off handedly as it hits you
"Your naming our child after the daughter of the purple alien monster from a superhero movie?!"
#thanos squid game#squid game fanfic#squid game 2#squid game#squid game season 2#squid game x reader#squid game x you#thanos x reader#choi su bong x reader#choi su bong#su bong x reader#t.o.p x reader#t.o.p#t.o.p bigbang#thanos#nam gyu#squid game nam gyu#squid game thanos#squid game thanos x reader
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:P
#bro i keep like opening tumblr as i do always and then seeing this new fucking desktop layout and then im just like#ew gross it's so ugly#close it out and then i do it again lol#anyway bro i'm like realizing all this beginning of the year stuff coming up and im like i should've done things earlier#as;lkgndfjhg;alkjdshg and part of my stupid me is like that's bad ur doing bad w everything i do#regarding club directoring dfnjdkjflh lol#its OK WE'RE FIGURING STUFF OUT#IIIIIIMMMMMM RLY FIGURING STUFF OUT#like how to be a goddamn leader of a club lol#it's ok agh we're doing it we're figuring it out <3 i'm figuring it out i've never done this shit before it's all good#i need to remember to like give myself grace and shit like dw about making mistakes i need to make mistakes#also like this one thing we're figuring outrn last yr we did not do it . so i do not have timeline/experience from last yr to go off of lol#ok cool we're over that for now LOL i gotta do some work bc me and my family went out today so i haven't done shit#and i'm also slightly behind on my research work XD#aka if i wanna finish my summer goal which is like chill and lowkey and it's not a big deal if i dont finish it but i want to finish it#i rly have to do work every day which is completely doable. it's not even that much every day#iiiiiii just suck at doing work LOL#anyway we were at a park today hiking and the way that i have never ever been stung by a wasp/bee in my life#and then like 2 seconds into this hike i got stung by a wasp on my leg lol <3#idk why it's kinda funny to me LOL but i mean it was fine#anyway anyway lemme do some work even tho im very tired from da today hehehe it was fun tho#jeanne talks
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and then im back with tags for this kind gift cy !! 🥺 and ran out ^^; so continued below:
#thank you ** for such a kind gift ): from the very bottom of my heart !!!!
#you have such a way of showing your love and … hey … how does every single interaction we have make me feel so warm and happy !!!
#it must be the cy effect surely ….. but oh ): perhaps we will switch places and i will be the one to read this all night long sjsndjkck
#im sorry if my tags were not quite coherent!! i am typing this at nearly 3 am bahhaha
#hey )): thank you one last time cy …. this really means so much to me — especially during a month like this where i am usually a bit down isnsjjxc i am holding this so close to my heart
#thann you thank thank you thank you )): !!! i hope you have such a wonderful rest of your week !!! and an amazing new years heh
Casually dropping by to present you with this gift <3
(Lemme know if the link works or not!)
cyyyy !!! this is what you meant that one post ?! asking if your moots would be comfy with a drabble ?! you !!! /pos you !!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU T T
#彡 cherishing.#🐦⬛🐕 .#cy … i will be using every word allowed and all thirty tags to express my gratitude for this … truly - thank you!!! i did accidentally post#this before i was able to add tags .. but then i was too flustered to add tags anyway T T !! and i saw your prev rb about my tags on a#separate gift you had been so kind to give me — and you’re so sweet shsndnj i would love to shower you in a thousand tags any day !! it is#not nearly enough actually :’) i try to brainstorm what i can do for *you* !! not to gift you because you gifted me .. but because you are#so incredibly kind that i have such an urge to do something!!! i love you so much agh — thank you!! from the bottom of my heart ): this was#such a cute gift … you had even picked out photos ?! for the top ?! with traces of pink and i’m so )): the format is so pretty and so#.. can i say tailored to me ?! i feel so selfish saying such a thing even if it is a gift to me !! T T but it has all the things i like and#it means so much to me :’) also !! before i actually get into it — can i please say that in general - your writing is so lovely !!! it read#it reads so nicely that i just ?! smile to myself when i read anything from you really ^^; i may have said this in your previous drabble!#but i was thinking about it again - so i had to bring it up hehe … you’re a very skilled writer cy > < to be kind as well .. there is much#to admire about you >:) but i must save that for an ask !! this first paragraph and one of the lines being about him seeming intimidating i#so cute to me — because it perfectly syncs up with one of his in game lines being something like ‘people like to talk about me’ ‘but when#they actually see me - they curl into a ball and scream’ <- intense !! > < HANDJDJ but it’s so cute !!! for him to look intimidating bahahh#sorry for the random moze line dropping i just — AM IREALKY EXCITED :’) HES UP AT 2:34 and its 2:37 as i type this !!!!!! we are both up x0#this photo was sent by an anon ?! perhaps jiaoqiu … ^^; or moze’s fan club … heh — that’s so cute ?! i can’t believe we are being perceived#OMG PLEASE AND THIS IS BASED ON THAT FICLET ): cy you are so kind !!!! petting diting heh — and im smiling ?! EEEEEE i know i am absolutely#overjoyed in that photo !!! T T AND YOU SAID HE IS LOOKING WITH ASMILE ON HIS OWN FACE …. i will erupt like a volcano because ?!?!?!?! he’s#smiling ?! STOP /pos this description of him in the photo … WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WASNT THERE TO PET DITING /pos HES LOOKING AT ME …. ME …….#CY IM CLINGING ONTO YOU TO HIDE BECAYSE bbdhdjdjjjsjsj tender warmth in his eyes . oh my gosh . had i seen this expression i would have#frozen in place -> O_O SHELL SHOCKED SPEECHLESS NOT ABLE TO MOVE . HEYYY HE HAS THIS PHOTO HES LOOKING AT IT <- hit with the idea of being#perceived by moze ) OH MY GOD IM like really red in the face /pos ISNDJDKCKJC WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS TRYING TI ENGRAVE IT IN HIS MEMORY /p#/pos * AN IMAGE OF … m … e .. CARBED IN THE BACK OF HIS EYELIDS T T !!!!!! HEY HEY HEY HEY CY SJENDJJXJDJD /pos HELLOKOSKDKDKJ#my . my eyes and face are happy. because he exist s . IM CERY HAPPY IN HIS PRESENCE - . oh my god . i’m actually losing my mind /pos i cant#believe he has a photo Idndjdjckjs HEY . HE REALLY SHOUKD SLEEP . ITS NIT GOOD TO STAY UO LATE . also him sighing and doing this thing with#his nose is so cute to me … he’s so cute . HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALLO NIGHT 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 CY IM SO ?!?!?! IM SO RED IN THE FACE THINKING ABOUT THI#i’m going to be selfish here and say . the thought of him going ‘five more minutes’ and then caving and adding another five .. and repeatin#this .. is actually making me lose my mind so bad BECAUSE CY IM ?!?! HES ?!?? UGSHHSNSND i don’t have any words even after these days ive#had to cool down the temperature of my FACE HSNSJXKXK …. truly thank you so much cy … this was so sweet i’m so ))): you’re so sweet ))): th
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Every Little Thing
Yoongi x Reader
Summary: When you overhear Yoongi talking about how clingy you’ve been lately, you decide to take a step back from your friendship to give him space. But your sudden absence goes far from unnoticed by him.
Word Count: 2k(wtf?!)
Warnings: angst, swearing, only partially proofread
A/N: Thanks so much to the lovely anon who requested this! This story, I... I don’t know what happened, I went from struggling to get it to work at all to getting waayy too carried away. I kinda had to stop myself at the end before it shifted into something else, but maybe if y’all want a part two, we can pick up from there?
Masterlist
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As you got off the elevator, you couldn’t help the faint bounce in your step as you made your way to Yoongi’s studio, your bag slung over one shoulder, a grocery bag of snacks and drinks for the two of you to share.
Ever since you and Yoongi(and in turn, the rest of the members) had become friends, The Genius Lab had become a hideaway of sorts for you. Whenever you were feeling stressed or overwhelmed, you knew you could call Yoongi, and he would tell you to come over, letting you camp out on his couch while he worked, occasionally asking for your thoughts or opinions on a specific song or line.
As you neared his studio door, you noticed it was slightly ajar, allowing the voices from inside to slip out into the hall, quickly recognizing them as Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s.
“You wanna come to lunch with me and Hoseok?” Namjoon asked.
“Agh, I can’t, I told Y/n’s we could hang out today.” You heard Yoongi’s chair creak as he stretched, letting out a groan.
“Again? That’s like the third time this week, people are gonna start thinking you’re a couple or something at this rate.” Joon joked, making your cheeks flush lightly.
“Nah, it’s nothing like that,” Yoongi replied, sounding tired. “They’re just being clingier than usual, you know what they’re like.”
You frowned at his words. What did he mean by that?
“I know it’s just cause they’ve been stressed lately,” Yoongi continued. “But honestly, it’s gotten to the point where it’s weirder for them to not be here.”
Joon chuckled. “I’m surprised you don’t find that annoying.”
“I didn’t say that I don’t,” Yoongi said. “But it’s Y/n, so I let it slide. Anyway, on that track you showed me-”
You stepped back from the door, the sudden tightness in your chest making it slightly difficult to breathe as you quietly made your back down the hall to the elevators. As the metal doors closed, you replayed what you had overheard in your head.
Yoongi had always told you that he didn’t mind you hanging around, but maybe you had started to abuse that privilege, grown too dependent on him. Was that how he really felt about you? Had you become a nuisance? And if so, why hadn’t he said anything?
Pulling your phone out of your pocket, you quickly found his number and hit the call icon, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat before he picked up on the second ring.
“Hey, are you almost here?” He answered, sounding much brighter than a few minutes ago.
“Uh, actually, I don’t think I can make it today.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady.
“Is everything okay?” He asked, concerned.
No, one of my best friends hates me. “Yeah, everything’s fine, something just came up, sorry.” You bit your lip, managing to slip out of the building without running into any of the other members and making your way down the street to the bus stop.
“Okay.” He sounded unconvinced. “Is it anything I can help with, or-?”
“No, no it’s-, it’s a work thing.” You said, the words falling flat on your own ears. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Alright.” He said reluctantly. “Bye.”
“Bye.” You hung up, letting out a deep breath.
You could tell he hadn’t believed you, but you didn’t really care at the moment. If he wasn’t going to be honest with you, why should you be any different?
Suddenly presented with the afternoon to yourself, you decided to head to the park, wandering along the river as you thought over everything.
You and Yoongi had come here together not long after you had moved to the city, the last few blooms of the cherry blossom season clinging on stubbornly to their branches. He’d promised to bring you back the next year, so you could see them in their full glory at peak bloom.
Of course, life and work had gotten in the way, as they often did, and before either of you had realized, the season had nearly passed again before he could keep his word. You’d told him at the time that it didn’t matter, you’d just been happy to spend time with him, a recurring theme for you apparently…
Had you been a bother to him back then as well? You didn’t believe so, but the earlier sting of his words had left you questioning everything, even if you knew it might be an over-reaction.
It was dark by the time you made it home, flopping down on the sofa with a tired sigh as you contemplated your options.
So you’d been bugging him lately, that was an easily fixable problem, right? Just leave him alone for a bit, it was as simple as that, wasn’t it?
You weren’t so sure as your phone suddenly buzzed on the cushion next to you, drawing your attention to Yoongi’s name illuminated on the screen. You’d forgotten you said you’d call him.
‘Hadn’t heard from you, just wanted to make sure you’re okay?’ The text read.
Now who’s the clingy one? Was your immediate first thought.
‘I’m fine, just tired. Talk to you tomorrow.’ You typed shortly before turning off your phone and going to bed, with no intention of texting him the next day unless he did so first.
For the next week, you tried to keep up with your new normal; you didn’t go by the studio, you avoided texting him unless he did first, and generally avoided his invites to hangout with vague excuses.
One place you couldn’t avoid him though was dinner with the other members. It was a monthly tradition that you usually looked forward to, but as you stepped through the door of the restaurant, you only felt a wave of nervousness, for what though exactly you didn’t know.
“Y/n!” Tae quickly hopped to his feet to give you a hug, the others all greeting you enthusiastically. You noticed Yoongi didn’t speak, only nodding to you politely, but his eyes never left you for a second, seeming to study your every move.
“Y/n, do you want my seat? I know you usually prefer to sit by Yoongi-hyung.” Jungkook asked, starting to get to his feet, but you quickly waved him to sit.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to move for me, I’m fine over here.” You said, settling in the free seat next to Jimin, which happened to be directly across the table from Yoongi.
Everyone quickly settled into their usual routines and conversations, the mix of voices blurring into an almost comforting buzz, allowing you to zone out for a moment and relax, but a single low voice managed to snap you back to attention.
“I haven’t seen you all week.” Yoongi said quietly, a noticeable heaviness in his voice.
“Yeah, things have just been kinda busy.” You tried to say convincingly, but it was hard to pull off under his gaze. Luckily, Jin asked you about something from the show you’d been watching and gave you an easy out of the conversation.
You managed to get through the evening well enough, talking with the others, even making plans with Jimin for him to help you pick out some new furniture for your apartment. You’d felt Yoongi’s eyes on you all evening, but hadn’t said anything.
It was later that night when you were pulled from sleep by the sound of someone knocking persistently on your front door.
Cautiously, you climbed out of bed and padded to the door.
Who’s there?” You called anxiously, trying to remember where you’d put your old baseball bat, in case you needed to defend yourself.
“It’s Yoongi.”
You froze, staring at the door in surprise for a second before going over and peering out the peephole.
Sure enough, he was standing on your doorstep, causing a brief sense of relief that was quickly replaced with confusion and the same nervousness from earlier.
Not quite knowing what else to do, you cracked the door open slowly, taking in his slightly disheveled state; hair mussed and faint bags under his eyes. He looked the same way as when he would pull all-nighters at the studio.
“What are you doing here?” You asked.
“Why’ve you been avoiding me?” He responded with his own question, staring you down.
“I-, I haven’t-”
“Don’t lie.” He stopped you.
Glancing around quickly, you pulled him inside, not wanting to have this discussion in the hall.
“You’ve been dodging my texts and calls, you wouldn’t sit with me at dinner, you asked Jimin for help with furniture shopping, which you know he’s terrible at.” He continued as you closed the door. “So, tell me please, what has happened to make you start ditching me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that I was annoying you?” You snapped.
He stopped, staring at you in confusion. “What?”
“I heard you and Joon talking last week,” You said, his face falling as the memory came flooding back. “About how clingy I’ve been, and how I’ve been annoying you by hanging around so much.”
“You haven’t been-”
“Don’t.” It was your turn to cut him off. “Don’t try to tell me that it’s not true or you didn’t mean it. What I want to know is why you weren’t just honest with me?” You hated the way your voice started to shake as you spoke. “Why didn’t you just tell me to fuck off or something? Why do you put up with me if I'm such an annoyance?!”
“Because I fucking love you!” He blurted out.
You froze, staring at him in shock. “What?!”
“I-, I love you.” He said quietly.
“You love me?” You repeated, hurt and frustration still churning in your stomach, not letting you take his words to heart. “You love me, but you think I’m annoying?”
“I think everyone’s annoying!” He tossed his hands up in frustration. “The difference is that I like your annoyance!
“I like that you’re loud and weird and make terrible jokes, I like that you nag me to take better care of myself.” He said. “I like that you’re happy holed up in my studio with me. I like that you sing along to every song that you recognize, even without realizing that you’re doing it.”
He took a cautious step closer, pleading with his eyes as he spoke.
“I like every little annoying thing that you do, because they’re what make you you. I’m so sorry that I made you think anything otherwise.”
You hadn’t moved as he spoke, fighting the tremble in your lip as your eyes had misted over with tears.
“Y/n?” He asked anxiously.
You didn’t speak, choosing instead to lunge forward, wrapping your arms tightly around him in a bruising hug. He staggering back slightly at the force of the collision, arms immediately coming up to hold you in an equally tight embrace.
“I missed you.” You sniffled, burying your face in his chest.
“I missed you too.” He replied, holding you tighter, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “I’m also sorry for telling you I loved you in a shitty way.”
“Eh, it’s kinda on brand for us, honestly.” You teased, making him let out a huff of laughter.
“I guess you’re right, fuck.” He shook his head.
“You wanna try again?” You offered.
He pulled back to look at you. “Really?”
You nodded. “If you want to.”
He nodded, pulling away enough to take your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles as he pressed his lips together nervously, eyes shaking slightly as he met your gaze.
“I love you, Y/n.”
He’d barely gotten the last word out before your lips were on his, effectively shutting you both up for the next several minutes.
When you finally pulled back, his eyes were blown wide, lips swollen and red from your assault, his breaths coming out in shaky puffs.
“I love you too, by the way.” You said, grinning at his slightly dazed expression.
“Cool, c’mere.” He said, pulling you back in, making you giggle as he eagerly reconnected your mouths.
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did yoga again for the first time in like 6 months:)
#its so nice i forgot how good it feels<3 actually cant believe ive been like. not giving myself that for so long when it is only beneficial#i used to do it literally EVERY DAY like first thing before i even had coffee i want to get into that habit again#also NO i did not finish the witch yesterday but its okay bc that was a selff imposed deadline anyway. i do like have to finish it today#though bc i need to send it to him tomorrow and ill be working most of the day so i wont have time to work on it#so thats the plan for today. i should be able to get it done i think? god i am just rlly bad at estimating this stuff#okay guys also. ive been developing this issue. where i REALLY want to play guitar. but i KNOW that if i tried to start learning guitar#while im still v much a beginner at bass...#like i just know myself well enough to know that i wont end up keeping up v well with either of them. so im like forcing myself to just#stick w bass for like. idk another year or smth? agh thats so long....#but then after that i can start guitar if i still want to. and atp i think playing both will probably help w the other yk#anyway. hiiii guys#zem diary
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