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pink-blue heterochromia outfit swap
#vtuber#gavis bettel#hololive irys#holostars#hololive#holotempus#holopromise#holofateswap#(that's just my catch-all tag for any swaps I think)#the heterochromia and the frills and the duo-toned outfit and the diamond motif. if anyone cares#I did one of these ages ago but bettel's default outfit does not look good on irys SO#when this new fit came out I was like YOOOOO#unfortunately irys' other outfits make betsy look like a grandma#so this is the one he gets. magical girl! yayyy!
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The Maskmaker (New Age AU Drabble)
Hiiiii. So, this isn't very long and doesn't do Nightmare or N enough justice, but I wrote this a while ago and my lovely pals looked at me w/ big ol' eyes on my post about posting it, sooooo!!! Here it is!!
This is shortly after Night's coronation and follows Ancha's drabble regarding Ccino + his remaining by Night's side!
These halls. They were cold. Colder than the rest of the castle.
Nightmare only knew, thanks to the gentle puff of steam left by his shallow breaths as he stepped down the corridor. The dark, long, corridor.
He couldn't feel it. No. His sense of warmth and cold had faded almost instantly after eating the apple. The nervous chill in his core had been replaced with a luke-warm air. Like a puddle left after a summer rain. The chill couldn't reach him.
Still, he wore his cloak. One which Ccino had tailored not a week ago because he feared Nightmare would feel bare without it. His old one used to keep him warm. Ccino was right, of course. Purposeless or not, the new heavy fabric kept him centered. Covered the restless twitching of his tendrils as he spoke with the few he could bring himself to communicate with since the incident.
Now, it's bottom hem was suspended away from the old floors, just barely, by his extra limbs.
His steps were silent, he wasn't sure when that had begun, but he imagined in this darkness no one would know he was there at all until the Cyan of his eyelight was turned upon them.
He approached the door. Finally reaching the ornate, carved surface he'd visited only once before. When he and Dream were young. Nim had ordered them to come alone and let the mask-maker measure them. So they'd know when time came for them to commission their own masks. They didn't have to come down, the mask-maker already knew their measurements. They always did.
His knuckles hovered away from the door. With its carving of that tree, swirling and dancing in the low light his eyelight provided. This space held more lingering emotions than he'd expected. His hand trembled a bit.
No. He couldn't chicken out. He couldn't go crying, this was important to him. It was his right. It was... the least he could do.
His fist connected with the door, twice, steadily. The loud sound echoed into the space behind him, and he stood. Prepared to face heckling and anger abd fear, for he wasn't sure the mask maker even knew of his rise to the throne. He hadn't been there, after all. At the ceremony.
The door swung inward, and... Nightmare found hinself staring down at a monster.
This monster... was not the one whom he remembered.
Before, when he was young, he recalled a large, imposing monster. Heavy clay hands that held the pristine masks so carefully. Kind eyes which skimmed sorrowful past him, and handed him that lovingly carved owl mask. The one made simply out of dark wood.
Now, the monster stood before him, leaning in the doorframe, was not that monster. This one was slightly shorter than him, stocky in the shoulders, and bundled in layers of cloaks and gloves. Their face hid behind the mask of some sort of rabbit, bright, burning lights behind the eye-holes were a soft lavender and blue. Only a lashing tail gave away their species. A skeleton varient.
"Mask-maker." He greeted, composure renewed.
The monster blinked, before they widened the door a bit more. A wave of amusement and excitement washed over Nightmare, and he thought he might be sick from just how potent it was.
"Ah, my King!" They exclaimed, and Nightmare could almost hear the smile in their tone. "I wasn't expecting you so soon after your whole coronation, come in!"
They darted away from the door, allowing Nightmare to see past them. The room beyond was as he remembered. The large sets of work-benches, suspended candles, piles upon piles of wood. Masks lined every inch of the walls, though now he could see newer ones piling up along shelves and along the stations.
The monster seemed to round to a large chair, much too oversized for them, and plop down into it. Nightmare drifted inside, closing the door behind him carefully.
"You royals only come down to see me for masks, that is my job though," They mused. "Or, well, that's what my mentor always said."
Nightmare drew closer to the opposite side of the table which now separated them. He could see the messy, amalgamated surface of a partially-completed work laying between them. The wood mangled and frayed not unlike torn flesh.
"I must ask," He knew he had other business and little time, but, "Who are you, mask maker? My mother never mentioned a change in position."
It would be just his luck that a fraud would be hidden here in the depths. Though, the emotions were simply so delighted. They swirled about, as though every flick of their tail sent another ripple through the air.
A giggle erupted from behind their mask.
"Oh, I think I like you already, my king!" They said happily, "Mask-makers have never been asked such a thing by the royals! We have always been known to retire and pass on the mantel without care from you folks."
They divulged the information so easily, but Nightmare didn't recieve the answer he had asked for. It took a few more breaths before they spoke again.
"My name is N, my King. Call me as you see fit, I change as easily as replacing my mask." They finally admitted. "King Nim visited me once, two years ago, only to inform me her prince may quickly approach after his coronation. Though, I'm sure you're not the one she meant?"
Nightmare withheld the hiss which desperately wanted to bubble up in his throat. His tendrils whipped about in frustration. Guilt. Of course they were expecting Dream. He'd figured as much.
"No matter. I am here to serve my king, and that king is you, my good sir." They dipped their head a bit, "So, what is it you'd like me to carve? A noble wolf? A regal ibis? Something fitting a consort or-"
"None of that." Nightmare cut them off, his good socket narrowing in disgust. The thought made his stomach churn.
He thought he'd have to wait for her to speak up again, but found they had quieted and were seemingly awaiting information.
"My... head of house. Recently promoted as of my ascension." He said, slower. He wouldn't get worked up again, "He deserves only the best, and I know you understand this well."
N seemed to smile beneath the mask again, their eyelights hidden in thin crescent slits.
"Describe away, my king!" They exclaimed, reaching out for a scrap of paper.
Nightmare remembered how he'd been taught. To describe the mask with intention. Feelings and thoughts tucked away into each and every word. Those were supposed to be insightful for the mask-maker. To guide their hand as they carved.
"This mask. I would like it to be the Visage of a cat. Well-kept, clean, orderly." He spoke, gently, drawing his eye away from the table and to the plain floor were nothing would influence his thought. "A kind face, soft. Trustworthy and bold. Clever. Warm."
Nightmare wasn't sure what came over him. Descriptions and feelings tumbled from his jaws for what felt like ages. By the time he finished, his throat was raw with emotion. His hands clutched the inside of his cloak like a life-line.
It was the tapping of N's charcoal stick to her desk which alerted Nightmare. Made his eyelight snap back up to her position.
Though, she'd already put her sketch down and was up and across the room. Tugging at her piles and piles of enchanted and imported woods. For being a stationary monster, they had strength to move the wood with ease.
"You've given me the perfect working material, my King! This mask should be done in four-days time." They assured him, not turning around.
Their emotions read as elation now. A pure, unadulterated joy at the... the way Nightmare had described his mask? He could only imagine his magic intent had something to do with it. Ccino would, hopefully, understand.
Oh!
"The mask. You are aware who it is for?" He questioned.
N hummed, before popping away from the stack of wood with a nice chunk of white-ish wood. It reminded Nightmare of cooked fish flesh, a pristine off-white with an intricate pattern.
"I can only imagine it's that guy? Ccino? Good for him with the promotion, by the way. I'm sure he had his fair share of struggles to get there." N replied.
Nightmare gave a minute nod. He hated that he had a heavy suspicion as to why N already knew Ccino by name. Nefarious plans set by his mother yet again. Bastard woman.
He debated staying longer. Watching N strip the bark away or making smalltalk.
In the end, it was better to leave. His hands were still shaking and his gut felt like it'd spill if he felt one more overwhelming emotion from the craftsman he was standing with. So, he bid them a farewell, promised to return in four days time, and exited from that heavy wooden door.
The trip would be worth it so long as N delivered. And she would.
#new age au#N is goofy af#her mentor moved shortly before Dream's coronation to go retire (tbh he didn't want to be around when Night was going to die) and N#has no attachment to either prince so she was an easy fit! she'll be around for#... a while. mainly because she is That morally corrupt and also there's not an ounce of Teaching blood on her bojes#so when she finally gets an apprentice it's because she has to or she was sought out by someone lol#This is pretty much the whole process btw.#Nightmare has to go down there personally#alone#and describe the mask + the traits he most recognizes and appreciates from the reciever#the tree's lingering magic *does* coax out more intense emotions (hense Night's frazzled state + N's intensity) but it just helps the proces#ofc Night does this for every single knight (N seems less than shocked with Killer recieving one and is a bit pleased to fibd Dust abd#Horror next. she *is* surprised by Cross though. not because he was a spy but because she didn't expect Nightmare to host a ball in his#small state!#and ofc she also knows almost instantly when Night is small. they're nosy and Night coming to visit them for Cross' mask gives it away#she doesn't care tho! she's just happy to see her master's work still in order!#this does also imply that Dream has to come down when he gets the 'fancy' mask for Blue#and when the gang decides Nightmare needs a new mask from them Ccino manages to go down alone (claiming Sibling/parent privilege and#N doesn't deny it) and they scheme with her to one-by-one visit and speak their mind on Night and get something new for him#last note: N is everywhere. i mean. usually she's down in the basement#but she goes out to town#visits the servants and guard and council#everyone assumes N belongs to another group living in the castle and she never corrects them lmao-#okay anywqys like I said Short and Old but it's been hoding lore so it shall be released! :D
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rook be upon ye
#so. this is suri. my meerkat veiljumper#dragon age the veilguard#rook#look ive had A WEEK (positive)#first i got swept away to a llama ranch (!!!!) for a halloween weekend#it was. so so great#got to eat freshly hunted deer meat? a first. i wasn't a fan lmao#and then on sunday my brother came by with his sons gaming laptop with a copy of veilguard installed on it so I could play offline 😭 y'all.#my heart 🥹#today im going to light candles at the graveyard so thats. emotionally charged#but i cannot tell you how extatic i am to get to play da to unwind at night. fucking sobbing.#next week fiber guys are comins and i get real internet and then a desk with outlets and then a pc and then i can work on ouro again AUUUGH#fitting the final piece of a puzzle feeling.exe#im updating you patreons more tomorrow too. heuehshaushdhdjdidudmz i feel so good. so hopeful#this halloween has been so great. and look at suri! love of my life. i don't even care that veilguard has been. yk. /like that/.#when i tell you the SOUNDS that came out of me when solas talks. being mr. sarcasm#varrics take on his character. AUGHH#bliss.#obviously it wasn't sunday my brother came LMAO. i can't remember the day but when da released 💀 BYE
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Davrin kinda gives off 'Dad who didnt really want that dog, they got one for the kids though and now he has to care for it himself' vibes
#I could be wrong but it seems like hes viewing assan more as a weapon than a living creature in the beginning thus being so hard on him#but he does it out of care to an extend and wants to harden him so he survives the cruel hard world outside which I absolutely understand a#actually respect especially regarding his own backstory#I love davrin and assan so much and i love how you can see that he changes the way he acts even in the first scene / quest with them#the 'hmmmm its dessert fit for a prince' line had me wheezing i swear!!!!! it was so good im so excited to see how they evolve around#eachother and i love the diary entrys Davrin writes actually where he says that rook helped him stay a bit more soft and that rook made him#think about his past and his clan and ugh im rambling but i love this!!#datv#davrin#assan#datv spoilers#the veilguard spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#spoilers
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fuck vague posting I’m just full on ranting
#today was the first time I felt really jealous... someone I like was on a date with a dude which lasted multiple (like at least 6/7) hours#And it hurts more than with her situationship because there you always knew that it was more physical than emotional#but well she can't do anything about my feelings and I can't blame her for going on dates#the thing is… we wanted to meet up together since before our last exam… that was AGES ago#I just have the feeling that I'm just being pushed around to fit in the schedules when everything else is being taken care of first#and now we actually agreed to meet this Saturday but guess what... another friend has concert tickets for Saturday evening#which means that I'm being pushed back again (tho I don’t think that friend doesn't knows anything about the person and I's plan)#and now I feel like I'm being pushed back from both of them :/#because the two of them are going to have a nice day together again tomorrow#(for context this other friends wasn’t in the country for a few months and this’ll be the first time any of us sees her since she left)#and yes it shouldn't be important to me who "meets her first” but it still hurts for several reasons…#sometimes I just feel a bit left out with the two of them#and I would like to just cry about all this crap but I just can't… I've forgotten how to cry about my problems (and that fucks me up too)#op dasloddl
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i am once again thinking about emma
#thinking about how if dean could do anything without failing he would be a father#abt how he did fail her. that he couldn’t protect her like he promised#how he saw a scared girl with blonde hair stuck in a shitty situation that he caused and couldn’t help wanting to protect her#wanting to help her in the ways he couldn’t help jo#in the ways he couldn’t help emma#i think dean deserved to have a chance at being a father that wasn’t doomed by the narrative#i think the people who came into his life who he so badly wanted to protect deserved the chance to actually be a kid and feel safe#i will never stop thinking about emma.#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#emma winchester#claire novak#jo harvelle#(to be clear i do not think dean saw jo as his child)#((moreso i think it’s an exact twisted replica of his dads trauma with loss))#(( losing his father at a young age; a famillial/parental relationship [mary]))#(( losing his wife and not being able to protect her even though she was right there; close interpersonal relationship [jo]))#((his first child who he thought was fine and would be safe under the right care; only that child was not fine [claire]))#((his second child who was doomed from the start but god did he hope he could save; he couldn’t [emma]))#((( which the people who fit in these roles are specifically the blonde women in deans life that he couldn’t save regardless)))#(((i haven’t even touched on charlie ben krissy or jack)))#(((or even really gone into depth on exactly how jo claire and emma fit in those narrative roles)))#(((and i won’t on this post or i’ll run out of room)))
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Every week someone makes a post about how annoying it is that Dick Grayson fans don't acknowledge his flaws, and every week someone replies with an explanation that the flaws OP listed are entirely fanon and inconsistent with canon as it actually happened and at this point I have to assume that none of those explanations are ever going to stick because clearly some people just want the fanon to be true.
Anyway, I'm just putting this here for me to edit and add relevant-to-the-topic links later so I'll have them nicely at hand to read and sooth my frustrations when it gets real bad out there. (Echo chambers are good when we use them to drown out character mischaracterizing fanon.)
#dick grayson#canon vs fanon#yes this is about 'dick was a bad brother to jason' yet again#😮💨#super problematic how dick didn't pack up his life & become a devoted big brother to the new son of a man who had already disowned dick#like in-universe he is respectfully supportive of the kid who's wearing his name and uniform#but he was also a 19 year old living in a different city and not given any indication that he was a member of bruce's family so...?#dc comics#this fanon tendency to try to cram nuclear family dynamics and angst onto relationships that do not fit that mold arghhh#add to that how real-world knowledge makes it extra ridiculous to act as if 'omg dick was such a jerk for not being there for jason!!!'#yes their interactions were minimal - I'm pretty sure that keeping dick as a titans character was the entire reason jason existed!#let's be real about jason: his character & what led to him being robin were completely different pre-crisis + his post-crisis run was brief#understandably there are 'flashback' stories to flesh out his time as robin. the worst of these disregard characterization from that time#but even with flashbacks the worst that canon actually shows would be that they weren't close? which...okay?#idk what kind of expectations some people have for the former-ward so sort of foster kid who was explicitly kicked out of bruce wayne's lif#apparently he should've 1) begged his former guardian to acknowledge him as family & 2) assumed the role of bestest big brother either way#i'd ask people to stop and really think about the 'family' structure that existed in this time period where they insist dick was the bad gu#but at this point it's clear that people who want him to be the bad guy truly don't care about why we think it's absurd#anyway i'll end this with a reminder of what I'm pretty sure were the ages etc of the parties involved:#jason (12) gotham. adopted son of bruce.#dick (19) nyc. former ward of bruce. fired from role as partner to batman.#bruce (30+) gotham. raised dick as his ward → fired dick as a partner → never indicated dick still had any place in his life → adopted jaso#oh so my tags just cutting off the final letter like that? i will not be correcting them 😡
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It's very nice that Lucanis's writer intended him to be on the ace spectrum, I'm happy so many people are thrilled and feel validated by that. Not me though, that's not gonna affect my writing of him in the slightest lol
#if i ever get around to it lol#fascinating how many romance-complainers are crawling out of the woodwork to take back their complaints though#like OH because he's ACESPEC it's totally fine that it was a non-explicit slowburn feat. the world's most traumatized man learning to trust#but when it was JUST the world's most traumatized man learning to trust and let himself care and love y'all pitched a fit#something something the messy and ugly parts of mental illness are still acceptable targets#for people who want to enact cruelty but know aspecs are no longer considered The Acceptable Targets(TM) right now#some people: 'i can excuse ableism but i draw the line at acephobia!' me crunching on popcorn: 'yOU CAN EXCUSE ABLEISM?!'#by apples#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age: the veilguard#da:tv spoilers
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it’s so funny that I went into veilguard not knowing a single thing about plot or the companions and picked the one who is ace. how did I manage that
#I mean that with great joy#see I dared not hope that there could be some sort of choices in his writing#I don’t like to get my own hopes up + it still doesn’t occur to me that people would care enough to write a narrative#w a character who sneezes near the term asexual#but some of the stuff. yeah it kinda. kinda fits#I’m glad it sits in the background though bc I dunno if I could survive a sexuality talk#a lot of the lgbt stuff in veilguard I kinda. my eyes glaze over a bit#I like that it’s there though#idk my feelings about lgbt representation in media are layered + contradictory#Im kinda over stories of coming out esp when they feel like babies first duplo blocks of a coming out story#I like when the queerness is there and its conscious and it informs a charas choices and experiences#but their narrative isnt about teaching us#or if you’re gonna give me a coming out narrative for the love of god do something with it#make it uncomfortable! make it gnarly! make it full of conflict!#im tired and cranky sorry im gonna go to bed#owen plays dragon age
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crying and sobbing at the downgrade in depth illario got between the wigmaker job and veilguard
#:V#datv#da#dragon age#illario dellamorte#spoilers#its such bs!!!! in wigmaker illario CARES for lucanis. hes annoyed at his heroism yes. but he wants luc to be safe#see: him touching lucanis' arm to calm him down. and asking if he needs a healer once they meet up after the jobs done#AND. lucanis respects illario. he literally says its illarios calling to be first talon#and even if caterina picks lucanis they both hope that she ''sees reason'' eventually aka decides illario is a better fit#i truly do wonder what made illario do such a heel turn that hed want to kill lucanis...#HONESTLY. i think a better plot would just involve illario selling out caterina to the venatori so he can move in as first talon#he'd still be a traitor but in a way that makes sense#maybe once luc starts snooping illario gets desperate#but looking at wigmaker illario i just cant see him wanting to kill lucanis#anyway sorry for this rant i dont call myself the illario defense lawyer for nothing
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I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)
aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao
(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)
#myrna is actually really proud of him for pushing through and becoming a very fine member of the mourn watch#(and a good man)#but she is also. well. myrna. so she has never expressed as much to him. (she thought it went without saying. it did not!)#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#neve gallus#considering how satisfying the Arc with davrin has been I hope this can liven up neve and rye's interactions for me!#also very interesting and fitting b/c davrin will come for you where you live and go 'and hey btw ANOTHER THING --' no bullshit#which rye finds SO annoying but is probably why their relationship has grown so deep so quickly b/c davrin won't let him avoid him#while neve is ironically a lot more like him and it means they have a much harder time reaching each other b/c they're both so watchful#and guarded. they vibed so hard in the beginning it was all neve approves all the times b/c they have similar instincts. and now look at us#we live in the same house and politely pretend the other one doesn't exist. we're making ghosts out of each other!!!#explaining why he's semi-avoiding her. he thinks he's being thoughtful in giving her her space but uh. well.#perhaps more flight behaviour in that than he's willing to gaze at directly haha#rye looks at lucanis claiming he's a mess and goes 'oh buddy you should've seen me the first day in a year I was fully sober#and working on that fucking orb with head pounding and eyeliner running. even like this you're one of the tidiest#and most disciplined people I've ever met. you're literally fine.'#the reason the romance is so slow is not even mostly on lucanis I think rye is the slower to truly open up one in that dynamic lol#hey. I love rook. I love him so much. my trying his best underachieving babyboy who killed god when he got it together#I suspect this is going to be a situation where I've planned multiple other playthroughs#that will inevitably be hampered by '...but where is rye tho. I wish rye was here. does anyone else miss rye' lmao#for reference I've finished DA:O at least 4 times. and all four of them was sophia amell doing exactly the same things. I have a Pattern lo#a pattern I have only really broken in da:i where I have three inquisitors I care about sort of equally (adaar is my fave#but I have fondness for them all)#hawke I basically play as always the same person just AUs of him haha. what if he was a mage instead and it was somehow even sadder#that sort of thing
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i had to spend all of college getting smug, condescending warnings from comp sci people that my english major was “unemployable” and oh look how smart they are for choosing a major with such good job opportunities. and now graduation as come and gone and me and my strong humanities background, complex reasoning skills, and carefully honed writing ability have a living-wage, fulfilling job on a prestigious career track. and a lot of those comp sci majors are unemployed because the market has shit itself. its almost like the economic future is in some ways a black box and you should do what you like and are good at rather than hanging all your hopes on the assumption that the job market in 2019 will be the same as the job market in 2024
#and for people who genuinely love and are passionate about computer science i do feel really bad about the turn things have taken#and the people who are the most vulnerable to layoffs in these industries are those who have been historically excluded#but there was a large subset of people my age who self admittedly did not care about compsci but thought they were gaming job security#by pursuing it anyways#and are now miserable bc they have a degree they hated completing and no job prospects to show for it#and it was this large subset that were consistently assholes to me about my humanities pursuits#its almost like im a highly competent person and by playing to my strengths rather than forcing myself into a box i dont fit into#i will be able to make it work lmao#also probably goes w/o saying but basically everyone in this ‘’large subset’’ im describing are smug techbros#which is why im comfortable with a little schadenfreude#and again i have nothing but sadness and empathy for the women and minorities who are continuing to get boxed out of tech
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Oh so btw I love Jouta he did nothing wrong and he’s part of a nice loving family
#my art#jjba#jojos bizarre adventure#jotakak#jotaro kujo#noriaki kakyoin#jolyne cujoh#jouta kujo#I know Jotaros acting like a bitch here#but I actually want him and Jouta to have a semi decent relationship in this AU Lolol#it’s just that Jotaro having beef with a literal child will never not be funny#also ngl I am hella anxious posting this#I feel like I’m gonna get called out for purposely leaving Jotaros canon wife out#as if I’m not CLEARLY disregarding canon with Kaks and Jouta#but it would’ve been so easy to add her and make her fit into the family#but I just…didn’t want to#I know she’s barely a presence in the canon (she doesn’t even have a name) but it feels wrong leaving her out period#especially since Jolynes there at such a young age#I feel like people are gonna think I’m a obsessive jotaka fan who only cares about them and makes everything about the ship#which is not my intention I just really like them and they make me happy 😭😭😭#I don’t even know why!!!#they have such little substance compared to anything else but somehow they got my heart#whatever it’s not like I’m rewriting jjjba canon or something#I’m just making silly little doodles for fun
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I love "This Too Shall Pass" but the thing about it is sometimes shit takes a really long time to pass. Yes "This Too Shall Pass" but can it hurry up a little please? I'm doing all the coping I can but when said problem is supposed to last more than 100 more days and there's nothing I can do to speed it up, it gets kind of hard not to go insane.
#like ok im focusing on the positives im using 3 different journals im reaching out to friends im using my weekends for self care#im tending to hobbies im getting sunshine im age regressing im using mantras im trying to get active#but its also really fucking hard to fit that all into 2.5 hours on the weekdays after work#and the 1.5 days of weekend i get from having to work saturday mornings too#i also have the therapy going the maladaptive daydreaming and the tarot cards out. all the stops are being pulled#and at the end of the day#i still feel drained#i meditate and i get active and i get enough sleep but jfc we were not made to live like this I WAS NOT MADE TO LIVE LIKE THIS#there are 3000 pumpkins in my enclosuee and i keep throwing in new ones to help but at the end of the day#when the tiger still has to perform 3 circus shows a day and learn how to manage ticketting for said circus#knowing he isnt really getting paid its kind of hard#to be interested in those pumpkins#i hope that metaphor makes sense
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eagle vision isnt enough i need those assassins to grow wings
#painfully. if it wasn’t clear. it should be borderline body horror.#rebecca has to convert yhe whole animus set up AGAIN when desmond’s start growing in because he physically can’t let anything touch his back#because it hurts so much#and even when they do come in i think desmond’s the type to stress preen himself until he’s got bald patches. given the situations he’s in#constantly. oh. thinks about bleeding effect ezio or altaïr in his head seeing his damaged wings. perceiving them as their own. doing their#best to fix them and dampen the pain that’s radiating off the plucked bits. desmond’s ancestors trying to take care of him without knowing#they’re doing it….#anyway back to the body horror i think it should be fucked up and awful how they grow. they’re not growing from the outside. they’re under#his skin. they’re like. straining his skin and folded in between muscle and it is unbearable#but it’s gonna be worse when they rip out of his back. the wounds themselves will close right back up over them. isu bullshit im calling it.#but they do fully tear his skin right down his back and burst out covered in his blood. just soaked in it.#and it’s so painful that desmond can’t move for ages just trying to handle it#(he’s not the only one who’s gone through this of course. it’s every assassin who’s ever had the right genetic makeup for eagle vision.#this is the other thing they get. they grow wings. altaïr and ezio both had it happen to them as well.#their assassin uniforms are actually modified to fit the wings. altaïr’s from day 1 has an option to hide his wings or get them out so he#can use them in his work. ezio’s doesn’t when he’s wearing his dad’s. obviously. but his later outfits do.)#….i guess it can also be cute as well as horrifying. lets desmond’s team preen him well to keep him from stress preening. rebecca keeps#poking at the wings and shaun says something about monkeys picking bugs off of each other and lucy runs her fingers through them the best of#all four of them like she’s got a talent for taking care of a half-bird guy#(thinks about sleep-safe feeling desmond telling lucy he wishes she had wings so he could return the favor. thinks about lucy caught between#remembering the horror of desmond growing them *and* how happy he looks when she touches him *and* how she’s leading them into betrayal#and thinking she could never deserve this calm she’s giving desmond. and the trust she’s winning for doing it just makes her stomach turn.#she’s doing exactly what she’s supposed to. and it hurts.#i should have an ac tag
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