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pink-blue heterochromia outfit swap
#vtuber#gavis bettel#hololive irys#holostars#hololive#holotempus#holopromise#holofateswap#(that's just my catch-all tag for any swaps I think)#the heterochromia and the frills and the duo-toned outfit and the diamond motif. if anyone cares#I did one of these ages ago but bettel's default outfit does not look good on irys SO#when this new fit came out I was like YOOOOO#unfortunately irys' other outfits make betsy look like a grandma#so this is the one he gets. magical girl! yayyy!
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rook be upon ye
#so. this is suri. my meerkat veiljumper#dragon age the veilguard#rook#look ive had A WEEK (positive)#first i got swept away to a llama ranch (!!!!) for a halloween weekend#it was. so so great#got to eat freshly hunted deer meat? a first. i wasn't a fan lmao#and then on sunday my brother came by with his sons gaming laptop with a copy of veilguard installed on it so I could play offline 😭 y'all.#my heart 🥹#today im going to light candles at the graveyard so thats. emotionally charged#but i cannot tell you how extatic i am to get to play da to unwind at night. fucking sobbing.#next week fiber guys are comins and i get real internet and then a desk with outlets and then a pc and then i can work on ouro again AUUUGH#fitting the final piece of a puzzle feeling.exe#im updating you patreons more tomorrow too. heuehshaushdhdjdidudmz i feel so good. so hopeful#this halloween has been so great. and look at suri! love of my life. i don't even care that veilguard has been. yk. /like that/.#when i tell you the SOUNDS that came out of me when solas talks. being mr. sarcasm#varrics take on his character. AUGHH#bliss.#obviously it wasn't sunday my brother came LMAO. i can't remember the day but when da released 💀 BYE
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Davrin kinda gives off 'Dad who didnt really want that dog, they got one for the kids though and now he has to care for it himself' vibes
#I could be wrong but it seems like hes viewing assan more as a weapon than a living creature in the beginning thus being so hard on him#but he does it out of care to an extend and wants to harden him so he survives the cruel hard world outside which I absolutely understand a#actually respect especially regarding his own backstory#I love davrin and assan so much and i love how you can see that he changes the way he acts even in the first scene / quest with them#the 'hmmmm its dessert fit for a prince' line had me wheezing i swear!!!!! it was so good im so excited to see how they evolve around#eachother and i love the diary entrys Davrin writes actually where he says that rook helped him stay a bit more soft and that rook made him#think about his past and his clan and ugh im rambling but i love this!!#datv#davrin#assan#datv spoilers#the veilguard spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#spoilers
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i am once again thinking about emma
#thinking about how if dean could do anything without failing he would be a father#abt how he did fail her. that he couldn’t protect her like he promised#how he saw a scared girl with blonde hair stuck in a shitty situation that he caused and couldn’t help wanting to protect her#wanting to help her in the ways he couldn’t help jo#in the ways he couldn’t help emma#i think dean deserved to have a chance at being a father that wasn’t doomed by the narrative#i think the people who came into his life who he so badly wanted to protect deserved the chance to actually be a kid and feel safe#i will never stop thinking about emma.#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#emma winchester#claire novak#jo harvelle#(to be clear i do not think dean saw jo as his child)#((moreso i think it’s an exact twisted replica of his dads trauma with loss))#(( losing his father at a young age; a famillial/parental relationship [mary]))#(( losing his wife and not being able to protect her even though she was right there; close interpersonal relationship [jo]))#((his first child who he thought was fine and would be safe under the right care; only that child was not fine [claire]))#((his second child who was doomed from the start but god did he hope he could save; he couldn’t [emma]))#((( which the people who fit in these roles are specifically the blonde women in deans life that he couldn’t save regardless)))#(((i haven’t even touched on charlie ben krissy or jack)))#(((or even really gone into depth on exactly how jo claire and emma fit in those narrative roles)))#(((and i won’t on this post or i’ll run out of room)))
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It's very nice that Lucanis's writer intended him to be on the ace spectrum, I'm happy so many people are thrilled and feel validated by that. Not me though, that's not gonna affect my writing of him in the slightest lol
#if i ever get around to it lol#fascinating how many romance-complainers are crawling out of the woodwork to take back their complaints though#like OH because he's ACESPEC it's totally fine that it was a non-explicit slowburn feat. the world's most traumatized man learning to trust#but when it was JUST the world's most traumatized man learning to trust and let himself care and love y'all pitched a fit#something something the messy and ugly parts of mental illness are still acceptable targets#for people who want to enact cruelty but know aspecs are no longer considered The Acceptable Targets(TM) right now#some people: 'i can excuse ableism but i draw the line at acephobia!' me crunching on popcorn: 'yOU CAN EXCUSE ABLEISM?!'#by apples#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age: the veilguard#da:tv spoilers
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it’s so funny that I went into veilguard not knowing a single thing about plot or the companions and picked the one who is ace. how did I manage that
#I mean that with great joy#see I dared not hope that there could be some sort of choices in his writing#I don’t like to get my own hopes up + it still doesn’t occur to me that people would care enough to write a narrative#w a character who sneezes near the term asexual#but some of the stuff. yeah it kinda. kinda fits#I’m glad it sits in the background though bc I dunno if I could survive a sexuality talk#a lot of the lgbt stuff in veilguard I kinda. my eyes glaze over a bit#I like that it’s there though#idk my feelings about lgbt representation in media are layered + contradictory#Im kinda over stories of coming out esp when they feel like babies first duplo blocks of a coming out story#I like when the queerness is there and its conscious and it informs a charas choices and experiences#but their narrative isnt about teaching us#or if you’re gonna give me a coming out narrative for the love of god do something with it#make it uncomfortable! make it gnarly! make it full of conflict!#im tired and cranky sorry im gonna go to bed#owen plays dragon age
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crying and sobbing at the downgrade in depth illario got between the wigmaker job and veilguard
#:V#datv#da#dragon age#illario dellamorte#spoilers#its such bs!!!! in wigmaker illario CARES for lucanis. hes annoyed at his heroism yes. but he wants luc to be safe#see: him touching lucanis' arm to calm him down. and asking if he needs a healer once they meet up after the jobs done#AND. lucanis respects illario. he literally says its illarios calling to be first talon#and even if caterina picks lucanis they both hope that she ''sees reason'' eventually aka decides illario is a better fit#i truly do wonder what made illario do such a heel turn that hed want to kill lucanis...#HONESTLY. i think a better plot would just involve illario selling out caterina to the venatori so he can move in as first talon#he'd still be a traitor but in a way that makes sense#maybe once luc starts snooping illario gets desperate#but looking at wigmaker illario i just cant see him wanting to kill lucanis#anyway sorry for this rant i dont call myself the illario defense lawyer for nothing
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fascinating revelations out of my dad's professional coaching of the whole family today
my mom scored astonishingly high on empathy and caring for a woman who seemed to find it next to impossible to express that to me
my dad has done an insane amount of work to be so warm and personable considering that his natural inclination is towards strong reserve rooted in anxiety (just like me!!)
my sister shocked - SHOCKED 🙄 - to learn that she scores almost zero in empathy AND very high on manipulation
actually shocking reveal that my sister always knew she was my mom's favorite. like I kind of assumed she was mean to both of us but apparently most of the biting comments were for me
#in regard to number 3 I'm like bestie. you think you're the protagonist of the world. you tried to get me to come out to our parents#as a way to manipulate them into being happier for you for your engagement#you have a movie script in mind for your life and you try to get others to fit it#of COURSE you're low in empathy and high in manipulation#the mom's favorite thing was actually very surprising to me to hear bc i've never thought about it that way#mom's attitude towards me was so pervasive to my experience of childhood that i never considered that i had it worse than her#vis a vis getting chewed out and in trouble and snapped at and criticized constantly#the impression i got was that mom thought i was a crybaby and fragile and forgetful and dowdy and needy#my sister by contrast was the kind of girlboss my mom could like more easily#(i do wonder then that mom's bestie is a lot like me)#i know my sister got some Mom Comments and impatience and fighting too but it doesn't seem to have stuck with her so much#i dunno how i feel about it all#a lot and i mean A Lot to consider#also learned my sister doesn't really remember our grandma on mom's side and picked up a vibe that she's sad about it#i was a little dismissive in the moment of the idea that she was doting bc i remember her being very brisk and exacting#but i think like my mom she cared a lot but found it hard to express it in ways that weren't like. providing. keeping things shipshape#not very demonstrative and pretty intimidating to a kid#but i still do remember a few good things about her; note to self to tell T those stories#looking at cardinals on the deck. the roofing project. her painting my sister's nails. watching lion king and the old cinderella with us#good moments#it makes me think of the way mom used to really put care into giving us thoughtful gifts but she'd hardly ever play with them with us#i think it would have gone a long way with me at that age if she'd been willing to take the initiative rather than wait to be invited#i always thought that she knew so much and what she could do was so cool; i just never felt comfortable asking#bc she didn't seem like you could just ask her to come have fun#meanwhile my dad Knew a lot less stuff and had fewer cool hobbies but he was goofy and fun and willing to get on the floor#i think i understand why they were the way they were but still im frustrated#bc like t was saying today. now that mom's retired she's actually fun?? she's not stressed and angry all the time and she has time for us?#or at least for my sister anyway... but i will agree; she seems a lot happier#and i wish she'd been able to be happier when we were younger#neither me nor my sister came out of that with anything close to secure attachment
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i had to spend all of college getting smug, condescending warnings from comp sci people that my english major was “unemployable” and oh look how smart they are for choosing a major with such good job opportunities. and now graduation as come and gone and me and my strong humanities background, complex reasoning skills, and carefully honed writing ability have a living-wage, fulfilling job on a prestigious career track. and a lot of those comp sci majors are unemployed because the market has shit itself. its almost like the economic future is in some ways a black box and you should do what you like and are good at rather than hanging all your hopes on the assumption that the job market in 2019 will be the same as the job market in 2024
#and for people who genuinely love and are passionate about computer science i do feel really bad about the turn things have taken#and the people who are the most vulnerable to layoffs in these industries are those who have been historically excluded#but there was a large subset of people my age who self admittedly did not care about compsci but thought they were gaming job security#by pursuing it anyways#and are now miserable bc they have a degree they hated completing and no job prospects to show for it#and it was this large subset that were consistently assholes to me about my humanities pursuits#its almost like im a highly competent person and by playing to my strengths rather than forcing myself into a box i dont fit into#i will be able to make it work lmao#also probably goes w/o saying but basically everyone in this ‘’large subset’’ im describing are smug techbros#which is why im comfortable with a little schadenfreude#and again i have nothing but sadness and empathy for the women and minorities who are continuing to get boxed out of tech
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Oh so btw I love Jouta he did nothing wrong and he’s part of a nice loving family
#my art#jjba#jojos bizarre adventure#jotakak#jotaro kujo#noriaki kakyoin#jolyne cujoh#jouta kujo#I know Jotaros acting like a bitch here#but I actually want him and Jouta to have a semi decent relationship in this AU Lolol#it’s just that Jotaro having beef with a literal child will never not be funny#also ngl I am hella anxious posting this#I feel like I’m gonna get called out for purposely leaving Jotaros canon wife out#as if I’m not CLEARLY disregarding canon with Kaks and Jouta#but it would’ve been so easy to add her and make her fit into the family#but I just…didn’t want to#I know she’s barely a presence in the canon (she doesn’t even have a name) but it feels wrong leaving her out period#especially since Jolynes there at such a young age#I feel like people are gonna think I’m a obsessive jotaka fan who only cares about them and makes everything about the ship#which is not my intention I just really like them and they make me happy 😭😭😭#I don’t even know why!!!#they have such little substance compared to anything else but somehow they got my heart#whatever it’s not like I’m rewriting jjjba canon or something#I’m just making silly little doodles for fun
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it does suck how child heavy the current p5 kin community is which is fine! its a game marketed at teens about teens its going to be full of teens in the fandom and kinning is like a thing mostly younger ppl do too but also when i was 22 n akechi shifting hard i knew a decent number of ppl also around that age doing the same n it does feel less crazy!!! but i guess i will just have to be the almost 29yo akechi that he didnt get to be
#i mean im an akechi lives truther but i digress#both fit the themes well and i think how akc would react to almost dying does too#anyways i think its bc ppl r more scared of being silly or cringe nowdays?#no matter how much they say otherwise? theres a lvl of shame undercoating a lot of fandom stuff#idk i put wayyy too much of myself into my art to care. i mostly just dont talk abt#the extent i kin on main bc i dont like 10k ppl being aware of that n potentially being weird to me#u will have to figure this n my personal details out via slowburn art analysis#av.txt#like im not looking to make kin friends via kin just like i dont wanna make older fandom friends vua that#bc i want to make mutuals via organically talking n maybe it turns out i have an older kin friend but we need more kins#over tge age of 17
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I love "This Too Shall Pass" but the thing about it is sometimes shit takes a really long time to pass. Yes "This Too Shall Pass" but can it hurry up a little please? I'm doing all the coping I can but when said problem is supposed to last more than 100 more days and there's nothing I can do to speed it up, it gets kind of hard not to go insane.
#like ok im focusing on the positives im using 3 different journals im reaching out to friends im using my weekends for self care#im tending to hobbies im getting sunshine im age regressing im using mantras im trying to get active#but its also really fucking hard to fit that all into 2.5 hours on the weekdays after work#and the 1.5 days of weekend i get from having to work saturday mornings too#i also have the therapy going the maladaptive daydreaming and the tarot cards out. all the stops are being pulled#and at the end of the day#i still feel drained#i meditate and i get active and i get enough sleep but jfc we were not made to live like this I WAS NOT MADE TO LIVE LIKE THIS#there are 3000 pumpkins in my enclosuee and i keep throwing in new ones to help but at the end of the day#when the tiger still has to perform 3 circus shows a day and learn how to manage ticketting for said circus#knowing he isnt really getting paid its kind of hard#to be interested in those pumpkins#i hope that metaphor makes sense
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i genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to act at my age
#like when i have to talk to ppl my age irl they sound old af 😭 and im like are they old or just actual adults?#like i know when to act mature but when in the same age group i feel like i should have my adult voice on#like a customer service voice but more casual???#like for this get together i’m fear i might be one of the youngest ppl there besides like the children of everyone else 💀 like i can go#can’t***#hangout w them and later ima go see my friends and it’s more relaxed but it’s not like we talk about random shit#like we don’t listen to the same music watch the same shows or movies anymore#or they say oh i don’t have time for that or i don’t watch/listen to that many more#????? what do you do? and they’re not on social media besides fb or twt#like unfortunately i’m part of the chronically online 💀💀💀 but i can’t just be like oh im knitting this or crocheting that because that’s my#old lady hobbie i picked up in hs and they were like that’s old ppl shit#they talk about work but i find that so boring idc about what i do everyday that shit stays the same 😭#like it’s interesting to listen to them because i don’t do it but my job it’s same day in day out#and if we talk about fitness it ends up at oh i gained some weight or i lost x amount that means i can have a xyz and not care ….#we are mid to late twenties when tf did you get heartburn 😭 and wtf is that ??? i’ve heard about it but what do you mean??? when did that#start??? like yeah old bones and body aches but damn another meme post about it 😭 stop#like what did i miss when did i stop looking where did yall learn all this#at this point i think im just immature#like my random shit is gonna be ceo/luigi and sk then what i can’t bring up rap kpop spotify wrapped anime my excitement for some local yarn#how i don’t think lady gaga is a good actress or that im lowkey upset about the wicked movie#or that there’s gonna be an american psycho remake like they’re not gonna care#and i can’t be like tf is an appetizer ? that isn’t just restaurant and tv show shit ?#I CANT TELL THEM ABIUT MY PERIOD SHOES I FEEL LIKE THEYRE TONNABNOT LAUGH#my talking points are work (boring and same as always) old car accidents most recently accident (but not too deep) shoulder and back pain#progress maybe complain about grocery prices 😭😭😭#omfg wtf am i supposed to where to the get together with appetizers FUCK#is it chill to go in shorts and a tshirt ????? i’m sure they know we’re the ones smoking outside they can just assume i’m too chill#let’s hope someone has a baby and i can distract them w my ability to somehow charm babies 😭😭😭😭#omg what if their kids are blaming us for the weed smell !?? like imma not narc but i’ve seen them out there too#like idk if they’re college age but i don’t think they’re open about it and im the freak taking walks past midnight 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
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i wish i 1. Could make cool video edits 2. Had a coold computer that could take the hd modes of datv w my rook cuz i am full of ideas but i don't have the Tools
#anyways if anyone out here Does make video edits for datv#1. solas edit of oh ana by mother mother#2. rook v solas edit to hell born shove / impossible by walkways#3. i feel like theres a lot of good bits of apeshit by the sound of animals fighting that works for rook Or solas#ig consider these for playlists too if yall care abt that stuff#dazen talks dragon age#in tags mostly but#still#daze.txt#i had another one but i forgot it#neve x rook or lucanis x rook or neve x lucanis to stray italian greyhound would be good#but mb more fitting for an animatic#mb rook w other companions depending on your own rook its just. when it works that song Hits#can you tell /i'm/ working on playlists lmao#EDIT I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.#day that i ruined your life by boston manor for solavellan (from solas pov)#maybe throw in some mythal comparison tastiness idfk#(i never rly did much w solavellan but hes so fucked up and pathetic it compels me)#(this is not an own or insult on solas if thats ur thing i just find the narrative interesting is what i mean)#last addition: impress your creators by tub ring. all around good datv song
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I just spent like 20 minutes thinking about soup
#i need to move out!!!!#i love my parents to be clear they're great#i just want to be in charge of my own meals again#it's not that they're bad at feeding me stuff i want to eat it's just we like different things#when it's just me i can make my soup however i want and no one's gonna say anything#Because It's My Soup#i can eat japanese chicken curry for a week straight! no one cares!#i just need to get better at eating vegetables#i want my own kitchen soooo baaad.....#my mom's sensitive to garlic. do you know how much recipes fuck if you add garlic? severely. and i can't if she's gonna eat it#i need my own kitchen so bad so so bad pleeaase#really hoping that i get my degree within like two months#and then i have to. urgh. find a job. but then i find a job and i go there#and i get Paid! money!#and once i have some money in the bank and a long term job i can try and get a flat#and once i have a flat i have my own kitchen i can order stuff online if i want and i can adopt a cat#i can have friends over i can decorate#and if i can swing it i'll be a civil servant#and if i'm lucky enough i can perhaps. give up the next 30 years of my life to a bank so i can own my own flat#god i hope. i fucking hope. i really really want to own#like not for landlord bullshit. just so i don't have to worry about where to go in a year two years five years#i want a civil servant job because that's for life and i would love to do the same thing forever#and i want to own a flat because i could make the space fit my needs and wants perfectly#and i wouldn't have to worry about where to live or old age or whatever#good luck to me finding a well situated 2 bedroom flat in one of the if not the worst city of france in terms of housing :)#but hey i've been lucky in life. maybe it'll keep going#i know what i want early! that's good#i shouldn't have a realisation that i want kids at 30yo or whatever. I Shall Not Become My Mom#ANYWAY i need my own kitchen!!!!!#wow i have a ramble tag now
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