#age: 28.

[henryxdetamble]

Henry watched on with growing frustration as the visitor continued to rummage through the books he'd just finished alphabetising, leaving them strewn out of order. The library had only just been officially opened, and it was already being demolished. Unable to stand it a moment longer, Henry approached them with a strained smile. "— Is there maybe something specific you're looking for?"

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[aromanticduck]

Sorry if you're already over 50, I ran out of room (you're welcome to leave your thoughts in the tags or replies!)

If you're younger than 10, get the fuck off Tumblr. People are saying swears on here!

[EDIT: It's OK to vent a bit about negative feelings in the comments/tags, but if you're gonna talk about killing yourself, do me a favour and fucking don't]

[doctorsiren]

I loved your headcannons about inukawa, reigen and reigens sister and I would really like to see what you think would happen if mob and reigens sister met and I was wondering if you could possibly draw them :D

hello yes I accidentally made a comic after seeing this ask yesterday 😁 bro psychoanalyzed her 😨

[almondpiglet]

just fooling around at the speed of sound... found a cool brush to play with...

[kidovna]

Mike and Will, 1999

[infizero]

my interpretation of grian is like what if there was a 20 year old rave girl stuck in the body of a 36 year old uptight loser

[henryxdetamble]

Henry frowned upon approach, hearing his friend's retort and not understanding the cause of it. Briefly, he wondered if another Henry had something to do with that. He had been feeling unwell today, and it made him paranoid. "Please, man, I'm hardly the lecture type, not unless it's on literature." Eyeing him, he uncrossed his arms, figuring he was upset about something. "What are you doing down in the gutter? You're too hot to be a street rat."

After being unable to score the evening before, Adrian had found himself drifting between the rebel's dreams for the remainder of the night, unable to settle in his own. Some were peaceful, but most had been horrific, a compilation of PTSD induced nightmares and twisted distortions of memories. He couldn't forget them, and he was exhausted. So, going against his usual dealership, he'd hit up Mickey the next morning instead, needing some relief as soon as he could get it. He hadn't even made it home before he'd lit a spliff up, sitting on the sidewalk and watching the world pass him by. He was unsure how long he remained there, but he knew he'd missed the deadline for his training session. Again. He couldn't bring himself to care, it usually only served to make him feel worse afterwards anyway. Suspecting it was one of his guardian peers who he'd heard approach him, Adrian instantly turned his face, dipping his head. "I'm finally relaxed. So if we can save the lecture for another time, that'd be greatly appreciated."

[sermna]

I start school again next Monday :')

[henryxdetamble]

"There he is!" Henry exclaimed over the pulsing music, squeezing Adrian's cheeks in greeting before landing in the lounge chair across from him. "Thanks for saving us a spot, man. Sorry I'm late, someone filed '1984' under 'N', and things quickly spiralled." He smirked, before glancing over the empty glasses on their table. Granted, there was a few, but not enough to cover both Adrian and Luke's usual pace. Henry frowned. "Where's our third wheel?"

[amaranthdahlia]

kudoichi is serious to me in ways the human mind cannot fathom (art dump yet again below)

commissions

[kyouka-supremacy]

Me whenever I say that I'm normal about my favourite character

[kevindavidday]

love that one scene in aftg where aaron minyard is just washing dishes <3 and kevin is being pathetic on the beanbag chair in the other room <3

[almondpiglet]

age swap doodles n stuuuuuffff

[backpackingspace]

listen listen I think Tim and Sasha should be in their 40s. And then you just have this obviously 20 something year old who's now THEIR BOSS claiming is 38 as if they can't spot a fresh out of college baby a mile away

[3-aem]

BRO!!!!! AFTER TRYING TO CANCEL ME?!?! IN BAD FAITH?!?!?!!!!

YA IVE POSTED IT NO U CANT SEE IT ANYMORE CUZ UR MEAN???