#again. i have more thoughts but i don't remember all of them rn so reblogs it is whenever they pop up in my mind again weeeeeeee

[jinnie-ret]

Hi! I was just wondering, could you write a oneshot of reader feeling really tired/kinda depressed, like too tired to get up of the bed to get a drink, too tired to even talk and skz just helping them through it and taking care of them? It could be 9th member or just the groupd friend. It's ok if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable with it. Thank you! Lots of love!

slump

stray kids x best friend!reader

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: mental exhaustion

word count: 1.3k

summary: your best friends notice you've been acting different recently, and help you through your mental rut.

Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you enjoy this one. And if anyone is ever feeling this way, you can always message me, or reach out for help :)

Asks are shut, but if you want to be added to my taglist, let me know! And reblog and like if you enjoyed! <3

MAIN MASTERLIST

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Love, can you open the door?" Changbin's soft voice called out quietly, yet you made no effort to move. You knew he could just as easily open your door and walk in, but he was waiting to see if you had the energy to do it yourself.

"I'll take that as a no," and he walked away from the door, probably back into the kitchen to inform the boys that their latest attempt didn't work.

It wasn't that you didn't want to see them. It was more that your social battery was drained. Not even a good night's sleep was helping you gain energy because, well, although you weren't having sleepless nights, there was still a lot of things weighing on your mind that was stopping you from wanting to do anything.

Buzz.

Oh. They were spamming the group chat again.

kangaroo🖤: remember to have something to eat!

bokkie🐲: pls eat smthn sweaty 💞

prince🖌️: lixie you did not jst call her sweaty that isn't gnna help ����

mongmong🎤: ignore them sweetie just pls eat smthn if you have the energy yh?

cheese toastie🦊: our minnie is so sweet

quokka boy🥊: careful or he will chnge his mind 👀

kitty boy😼: i'm cooking u dinner rn

dwaekki💪: pls come out and see us love :(

And so the guilt set in once more. You could tell they were doing their best but for the past couple of days you didn't want to do anything at all. And whilst they had asked you, you shut them down every time and waved them off.

The next day, you were due to go into work, something your best friends were well aware of as they had checked your shared calender to see if there was anything upcoming that was overwhelming you.

When you rang into work to call in for a sick day, that was the first time the boys heard your voice in like 48 hours. Croaky. Dry. Exhausted.

Which is what prompted your next visit.

"Hey, Y/Nnie, I've brought you some water. You don't have to talk to us if you don't want to... but, yeah," Felix brought in a bottle filled with ice water and you could tell he didn't know what exactly to do in the situation without you responding to him.

You couldn't help but feel the gratitude within you after he awkwardly smiled at you, and so, you spoke up from your nest in bed.

"Thank you, Lixie."

Within a flash he turned around and grinned warmly at you, excited at just this simple interaction, because him and the boys had been worried sick the past few days. They knew everyone had their moments, but they had never seen you like this before.

After he left, you sipped at your water and continued to mindlessly scroll through your social media feed on your phone. There was still a numbness there. You recognised videos that would normally make you laugh yet no emotion filled you.

And that's what made you feel weirder.

You thought about other times people went into some sort of slump and they'd normally be sad, upset for some reason. But no, not you.

You felt emotionless. The loneliness wasn't what sucked you in yet it was like a part of your brain felt like it had shut off. And that lasted for the next few hours until the members caught you out of bed looking for something in the cupboard to eat.

"Oh, Y/N!" Han jumped back with a hand on his heart, yet you carried on in your sluggish efforts to make something to eat.

"You're out of bed?" Jeongin was shocked until he winced from the small slap on the back of his head from Changbin.

"Don't eat that, it's not good for you, here, heat this up," Lee Know took away the instant noodles from your grasp and instead pulled out a container with a portion of dinner he had made last night. He seemed to be taking control yet he wanted to see you do something for yourself. He hoped it was motivating and that the simplest thing of heating up your own food would lead you towards an upward trajectory of going back to your usual self.

You slowly padded across the kitchen to the microwave and shoved the food in, a gentle hand tapping you on the shoulder as you shut the machine's door.

"Let's talk, Y/N," Chan guided you to the sofa in the lounge connected to the kitchen, the rest of your friends following through. There was no choice in the matter, yet the eldest remained calm which reassured you slightly.

"We've been worried about you," Hyunjin spoke for everyone when he said that.

"Sorry," you whisper, picking at the threads of your baggy jumper sleeve.

"No, don't apologise. We just want to know what's going on in that head of yours," Seungmin leans forward as he speaks quietly.

You simply shrug.

"Y/Nnie?" Chan further prompted.

"I don't know," you shrugged again, not even knowing how to explain what was going on.

"You don't know?" Felix looked around at the other members, confused.

Just then, the microwave dinged, and you stood up to go and get your food, but Lee Know's hands on your shoulders stopped you.

"Don't worry about that now. Just talk to us, anything," his thumbs rubbed soothing circles before he moved away.

"I-I don't know what you want me to say," you brought your legs up to your chest.

"We know you had work today," Changbin mentioned.

"It's ok, I called in sick," you mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you have a temperature?" Han frowned, feeling your forehead but that answered his question.

"I just didn't feel like it... but not in like a lazy way but I just couldn't... mentally do it?" your answer came out as a rushed question, not even sure yourself but it made sense to the rest of the boys.

"Ah, sweetie, you should have said," Hyunjin pouted, feeling bad that you were struggling.

"Not that easy though, is it?" you looked up and saw Chan crouched down in front of you.

"It's not, we know that, but we want you to always know that you've got us to fall back on, no matter what, ok?" he grabbed your hands as he said this, squeezing them so that you knew he was physically there.

"Y/Nnie... you know you don't have to always have energy, right? It's ok to have your down days," Han said seriously, which even caused Chan to look at him surprisingly as he moved away from in front of you.

"I feel like..." you began, but trailed off shaking your head.

"Tell us, talk to us love," Changbin insisted.

"I feel like I have to keep telling myself I can do it, but I know I'm lying to myself, I guess?" you sighed, leaning further back into the sofa.

"You can do it, we all know you can," Jeongin encouraged you sweetly.

"But if you can't right now, that's also fine," Seungmin added on.

And there was no need for you to verbally respond, because these safety oozing from them was wrapping you in a nice comfy blanket.

Oh, and Felix was also wrapping you in a blanket, that could have been why you felt the sudden warmth.

"Right, now you can eat," Lee Know nodded, satisfied with how the conversation had played out.

"Me too, hyung!" Han and Hyunjin both dashed after Lee Know, begging him for food too, and with that you smiled.

"There you are," Changbin titled your head up as you smiled, his face mirroring yours.

"If all it took was for Han and Hyunjin to be whiny and complain, we could have had this conversation a lot sooner," Seungmin rolled his eyes fondly, thinking of the two 00 liners who were bickering earlier that day.

"Don't ruin the moment Seungmin," Chan tutted jokingly.

But it didn't ruin the moment. Seeing them act normally around you again after they had cleared up what was going on made you feel better.

You felt, once again.

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z

[geopsych]

re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕

there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?

i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3

Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.

This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.

I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!

[drop-dead-dropout]

posting a kimharry oneshot here bc i'm too lazy to format it on ao3 rn but I'll reblog with the ao3 link later if I get around to it

so basically I was thinking about how kim is very my partner coded and I had this galaxy brain idea to write a fic where kim is asexual or uhhh. would grayace be the term? sorry idk but it's based on my partner I love him <3. also blink and you'll miss it trans harry but it's important to me that you know they're t4t in this lol. cw for suggestive (non-graphic discussions of sexuality and also it takes place Directly after them fucking), 1.3k words. (please be nice to me I've never posted fic on tumblr lol)

YOU — The air in your apartment is musty with the smell of sweat and sex. Your chest heaves with slightly strangled breaths, face burning with humiliation. You've always been a little (a lot) loose-lipped during orgasm—

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Especially an orgasm like that, holy shit, Kim—

YOU — But you've never, in living memory, said anything quite as ridiculously and unashamedly needy as the complete word-vomit that just exited your mouth a few seconds ago.

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Failure] — Honestly, you were a little out of it and the exact phrasing is already slipping your mind, but it was something along the lines of... What was it again?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] — Oh my fucking Dei don't stop, Kim please I need you so bad, god I'm so desperate, shit, you drive me fucking crazy, pleasepleaseplease—

SAVOIR FAIRE — Yeah, no, I'm cutting you off right there. He's already about to spontaneously combust, you don't need to embarrass him even more.

ENCYCLOPEDIA — He asked. Besides, I'm not the one who dropped the ball there.

COMPOSURE — Sorry for that, Harry.

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim's hands rest on your chest, tracing circles just below your twin scars with his nimble fingers. "Is that... Really how it feels, to you?"

EMPATHY — It's a genuine question, and he's smiling with an infectious fondness. He's not upset, just curious. Your eagerness is fascinating to him. And cute.

HALF-LIGHT — What does he mean by that, though? Are we too needy? Is it not good for him? Does he hate us and want us to die forever—

VOLITION — No. Shut up. We already agreed you're not allowed to talk when Harry's alone with Kim, don't you remember?

HALF-LIGHT — But! Danger!

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Trivial: Success] — It's Kim. There is no danger here.

YOU — At a loss for anything else to say, you just nod, a bit dumbly. "I mean... Yeah. Is it, uh, not like that for you?"

COMPOSURE [Formidable: Failure] — You try to play the question off as a nonchalant, but you're not even close to being a good enough liar to hide the mild undercurrent of fear in your voice. Especially not from him. (Khm. Sorry again.)

KIM KITSURAGI — "No, not really. It's not you," he quickly adds, seeing the obvious and barely-held back self-loathing in your expression. "It's just the way I am, I suppose. I'm too old to question it now."

DRAMA [Heroic: Success] — He's not lying to spare your feelings, sire. This is truly just a facet of himself that's always been there.

RHETORIC [Challenging: Failure] — By the way, you distinctly recall hearing him talk about having had sex before. Quite a bit, in fact.

YOU — "But wait, I thought—"

KIM KITSURAGI — Already having anticipated this line of questioning, Kim laughs a bit under his breath. "It wasn't a lie; I never said I don't. Actually, sometimes that made it better— without all the messy urgency, I guess I seemed 'cool', to borrow your phrasing. And it's not like I didn't enjoy it, either." He shrugs. "It was just... Something to do. I never really understood the intensity."

SHIVERS [Legendary: Success] — A dozen miles and many years ago, two young men make out in a musty old apartment. "How are you always so— so unaffected," one says to the other with a breathy laugh. In a few months he will repeat these words with a much uglier tone, and they will be the last ones Kim ever hears from him.

EMPATHY [Heroic: Success] — For the record, he was not, in fact, "unaffected" by that particular heartbreak. Don't ever hurt him like that.

YOU — Before you can think better of it, you find yourself saying, "Is that bad?"

KIM KITSURAGI — A twitch in the corner of his mouth interrupts his relaxed grin for a moment. You almost want to mourn the loss. "I don't know, Harry, is it? Why do you think it would be?"

PAIN THRESHOLD — You've hurt him, idiot. We just told you not to do that.

YOU — "I-I mean— it's just—" Your teeth click audibly with how quickly you shut your own mouth. You really, really don't want to fuck this up.

HALF-LIGHT — Too late.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] — HEY. Back in the corner, you.

YOU — Guys, please help me. I don't know anything about… Well, anything, really, but especially not this. How do I fix it? What do I say to make him feel better?

INLAND EMPIRE — You could start by actually answering his question, instead of rushing to apologize. Why do you think it would be bad? What about the concept is uncomfortable to you?

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] — Kim feels safe with you, in the same way that you do with him. Be honest. He knows you didn't mean anything by it— the only way you could fuck this up is by not talking to him.

YOU — After a moment of pondering, you find the right words. Or maybe not the right words, but the ones that feel the most true: "I don't know. But I know I would be unhappy, if I was... Different to how I am now."

EMPATHY — Kim's eyes flash with a bit of surprise. But good surprise, like an old friend dropping by unexpectedly. The smile returns (yay!)— smaller, but softer, and almost giddy. It's not one you see on him often, a bit too unguarded and juvenile for his tastes. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

KIM KITSURAGI — "So would I," he says simply.

DRAMA [Challenging: Success] — He means it.

YOU — "Oh." You blink two or three times. "Oh. Well that's good, then, right? That you're happy?"

PERCEPTION (HEARING) — Something about the almost childish sincerity in your voice must be funny to him, because he keeps doing that thing where he chuckles under his breath, and coughs to try to cover it.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Formidable: Failure] — He's laughing at you.

AUTHORITY [Trivial: Failure] — Exactly. He's mocking you, Harry, he thinks you're an idiot. Make him respect you—

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] — He's in love, you moron.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — As if on cue (or maybe your internal dialogue is just more easily observable from the outside than you thought), Kim leans forward and kisses you. For the first time, you notice how effective he is at responding to your reactions, like he's trying to find and wring out every last happy sigh and spark of oxytocin he could possibly give you.

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] — Because he likes this. He likes pressing all your buttons and seeing what they do, which ones work the best. (Almost all of them work, when it's him. Maybe a little too well.)

ENDURANCE — Hey, don't look at me like that! It's not my fault he doesn't play fair.

SAVOIR FAIRE — Exactly. How are we supposed to be cool in front of Kim? He's like, the coolest.

KIM KITSURAGI — "I love you," Kim whispers, his lips tickling against your collarbone.

SAVOIR FAIRE — See?! He even makes THAT sound cool, a thousand times cooler than when we say it, which is, like, every five seconds!!

EMPATHY — It's true that you're usually the one to say it first. For a time, he hardly said it at all— you learned not to take it personally. You certainly have your own baggage. But lately, it's been nice to watch as he gets a bit more comfortable.

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] — The cuddling usually seems to help, in moments like this.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Godly: Success] — After all, what is a hug but a way to hide your face?

YOU — You wind your arms tighter around him. "I love you, too, Kim." And you swear he must be able to feel the way your lungs glow.

EMPATHY — He does. Of course he does.

INLAND EMPIRE — For a moment, you think you can feel his, too.

SHIVERS [Legendary: Success] — SLEEP WELL, MY DARLINGS.

[lukolabrainrot]

Hey there, what do we think about Nicola’s IG post for Camilla’s bday. It’s a collage of 4 pictures taken by paparazzi of her and Camilla last year and in the caption she said something like remember when the paparazzi took photos and you protected me by covering my face. I feel like that is for sure throwing shade at a certain someone. Like she could’ve chosen any photo with Camilla. She has sooo many, why that one and why this caption. Also the way the photos were stacked looked like A’s recent soho house photos with her friends.

I feel like Nicola’s being very cryptic and sending messages through her posts recently including the scrabble board. I don’t know what that was about exactly but I feel like she posted it for a purpose and the person who that was aimed at would understand. I dunno I might be over analyzing but I think we should paying closer attention to her posts.

I also feel like that means we are headed in a positive direction because it means she cares about Luke and feels protective over him and is letting everyone know, even if there is currently a bit of tension between them. Not saying there is tension but just a feeling that she’s not very happy with how he’s handling things at the moment.

What do we all think?

Ok I just reblogged a post about this, but I am going to add this (and a lot of this is just based on my gut feelings/opinions based off of everything I've seen, so these are all just THEORIES):

First, I want to start by saying we will NEVER know exactly what anyone's SPECIFIC intentions are on SM posts unless the publisher publicly clarifies it.

HOWEVER, N is VERY intentional on SM. So is A. L... not so much (I've known a lot of dudes like him who just don't really care to put a lot of energy/thought into SM, EVEN if they have it and utilize it). So I get the impression this might be the case for him as well. Intentionality takes thought and energy, so I do agree that N and A's recent SM posts are VERY intentional, but what those exact intentions are, again, we will probably never EXACTLY know. What/who is the common denominator between these two women though? L. Sooooo, I feel pretty confident that he is at the root of most of these more "cryptic" posts/stories on N and A's SM.

Now, normally, I would say WTH is a 37 y/o woman doing playing petty and shady SM games with a 23 y/o woman that wants the attention?? Well... I think SM is the only way for them to communicate with each other, and these two women have a LOTT to say to each other (which totally makes sense if ANY of our theories on L/N or the PR tour/papgate/A are accurate). Which is why I do think a lot of N's recent SM activity has been shade, but more directly towards A. Since the London premiere, I personally think L/N are dealing with their complex feelings over everything in private mainly because people are analyzing EVERYTHING they do.

If you have read my other theories on this blog, I don't think L/N are in a terrible place rn (but are very likely having to work through a LOT of complex things in private). I am sure they BOTH aren't happy about how this all publicly played out. And as I have mentioned, I think EVERYONE in this situation has made some mistakes (some more than others though). Please look through my "timelines" posts if you have any more questions on my thoughts on this.

I have also said this before, but I will say it again. N AND A WILL NEVER, NEVERRR BE FRIENDS. Based off of everything I have seen and know about these two women, they have VERY little in common (and A is very insecure and envious of N). Therefore, these two women are probably NEVER going to talk alone face-to-face (I personally don't think A has the cajones to address anything with N to her face). A (based on her public image and actions and everything else we know about her) seems like such a selfish, two-faced mean girl (just my opinion). N appears to be the opposite of that, and I believe would be more inclined to address things with A face-to-face. Since that is not an option though, N has utilized SM to share her real opinions/feelings with A. And yes, I do believe N is protective of L (BECAUSE THEY REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER). I don't have any solid proof on this, it is just a gut feeling, but I think a lot of N's most recent "cryptic" posts/stories are hinting that L/N's connection is not going to be ruptured by immature, selfish, and insecure behavior from A. And I think that is a really good sign for us Lukola fans.

Lastly, who again is the common denominator here? L! Could he have handled this WHOLE situation better? Yes! I've mentioned before though, he got ANNIHILATED on SM after Papgate. And he has been getting hate on SM from people in the fandom for years (him AND N already had to leave Twitter because of all the hate they were receiving). Therefore, I believe he is FED UP, but also TRYING to stay engaged just a LITTLE bit on SM. Yes, N has also gotten a lot of hate on SM, but she and L are very different people, and I get the sense that she is able to navigate the hate a little better than L. Therefore, L has taken a major step back from his public engagement online, and to be really honest, I don't believe he will be returning to his typical public SM activity anytime soon. Now, what other people AROUND him post on SM, I think that has a lot more to do with THOSE INDIVIDUALS than L himself (again, just my opinion). How aware/involved L is with any of these posts/stories that adjacent people in his life are posting, we will probably never know. L is a chronic people pleaser though, and I got the sense from what I have seen that he is not very good at setting firm boundaries with people in his life (which likely played a role in SOME of the SM activity we have seen recently from adjacent people in his life). I think there is a lot of self-reflection going on for him at the moment in terms of determining HOW he wants to move forward in his career and HOW he wants the public to see him. I think he is still figuring it out...

Anywhooo, like I have mentioned multiple times, the whole situation seems to be REALLY messy (and I am almost certain that both L/N didn't want all of this to play out on such a public stage). And we will never know the full story of what was/is going on BTS for everyone. However, a lot of the recent posts/stories from N have been very interestingggg 🤔

[wasyago]

episode 110 spoilers

just like, random thoughts and stuff, mostly bits that i remembered

i sat down to write this i forgot everything oh my god--

in chip's flashback. the black rose pirates following the king to the big sakura tree, and arlin holding baby chip's hand. this. the cutest shit ever, i think i almost cried at the image of this big badass group of pirates and this itty bitty child led gently by his hand. even if i didn't cry before i sure will right now, baby chip you're so dear to me...

QUEEN! they didn't remember anything aughhhhh 😭😭😭😭 and their and chip's little talk about how they're going to put the pieces together :( and their hug :(

whatever drey, finn and earl are doing on the ship... like, what? hello? glad they're having fun tho lol. also wait hold on a second. how did drey answer the call? i mean, probably with his leg or something, if i had to guess. or maybe finn held it up for him. not sure if finn is at it enough to be able to answer the shell by himself, so earl and drey are the only ones who can actually use it. and seing how earl is in a... predicament. hm.

jay saying that when she looks at gillion she sees family. AUGHHHHHHHHHH AUGH AUGH OUGH jay ferin i love you. and this is so important to me not only because like hell yes they're more than friends they're a family, but also for jay of all people, considering her relationship with her blood tied family and how complicated her relationship with this word is.

also girl please do something about your leg, im begging you. the bone is visible, this shit is not going to heal up by itself. i dont know how you're still limping around this must hurt so bad. i guess adrenalin maybe, but still. at least get some bandages or something, i don't know... what is it with jay and her legs actually. she fell off a roof in edison kingdom and landed on a piece of metal that fucked up her leg, and now this.

oh my god niklaus, how could i forget about my babygirl. i mean, what can i say i love this guy. i dont know how many times ive relistened to his intro song, but definitely more than i should've... um. there was a lot of big important lore that i don't have the brain capacity to process rn.... i want to say that niki is the nameless prince and/or the thing trapped in the hole in the sea. because he can only interact with one person at a time by inviting them to his pocket dimension (even with jay it was said that the time around her stopped while she was talking with niklaus), implying that niki is trapped somewhere and this is the only constricted way he can interact with the world. and to answer chip's questions he said he wants freedom more than anything, again implying that right now he doesn't have this freedom. which makes sense, right? but then, the big bad thing was supposedly trapped thousands of years ago (i think?), but niklaus was a world famous pirate lord not so long ago and not trapped anywhere, so.....? idk im probably missing something. can't for the life of me find the moment where they read the nameless prince book so like, whatever.

that moment where jay talked to chip about how she thinks its all her fault and she should've just gave up her arm and leg. and how chip reassures her....... them 🥺🤲 kind of inspired by that post abt chip and jay i reblogged earlier, but these two talking about their emotions and feelings is so dear to me. just, being human with each other and opening up. gill is great ofc, but i feel like for these two its much easier to talk to each other to feel understood and heard. i love them.....

chip is still very much dead and probably won't be resurrected any time soon, so... hooray new undead chip design! but also oh my god my poor boy... forever 19... (also charlie and condi being surprised that chip is only 19. yeah </3) my poor guy my poor baby, he sounds so beaten and depressed in the beginning of the episode, its just breaking my heart qwq...

star and zamia <333 hehe

chip trying to marry igneous. lol. darling chill out, you just got out of one unsuccessful marriage and it didn't teach you anything, you're dead, you're only 19, you've known this guy for like, 2 days? don't get me wrong, godspeed to chip, but cmon man take him out to dinner first or something

and uhhh. the end, that's all i got

[lady-bess]

Hiii!!! I just wanted to quickly hop into your asks to say that I totally binged your Jack Daniels/Agent Whisky (not anymore ig, lol) series, "Fallout" and holy shit, it's so SO GOOD.

I really liked those first chapters of sort of world building, trying to establish where we were in comparison to canon. I loved the way you wrote Ginger, there are very few moments of her and Whisky interacting in the film, and you took that and expanded it a billion times more. There are hints of a loving relationship between them in the movie, but you made it so evident, and it absolutely broke my heart how worried and involved she was in getting Jack back.

Your Tequila is another character that I love immensely, he's so funny and his southern charm jumps out of the words. I cannot stress enough how good of a job you've done in taking an already existing world and adapting it into this wonderful story that you've made. Every choice, every OC fits perfectly in the crazy world that is that of Kingsman, and it is amazing to witness as a reader. (#1 Eve fan, right here)

Don't even get me started on Jack. Dude. Seriously. I love him. You destroyed him and build him back up again, without losing his essence. It's been so interesting to see him change and evolve throughout the story. Mimosa (or Whisky, now ig) is absolutely incredible too, she's funny and strong and smart, but also stubborn and hot headed, that's what makes her so cool to read, and what makes her fit with our wonderful Jack (tho tbh that also has the potential to blow things up).

Sorry if this got too long or if it makes no sense, there are just a lot of thoughts in my head rn and needed to scream into your ask box!!!!!

Anyway, tl;dr I've loved your fic so so much and I cannot wait to see where it goes next 🫶🏼🫶🏼.

Oh, and PD: I will reblog every chapter with my thoughts soon enough.

I hope you have the most wonderful day!! 💗💗

My dear, sweet, reader...🥰

It's been a couple of weeks since you sent this beautiful ask in, and I won't lie it's taken me a while to put into words just how touched I've been by your words. I won't lie, it made me tear up a little bit the first time I read it! 💖

So first of all, THANK YOU for not only supporting this series, but for taking the time to leave such wonderful feedback ✨ I've seen your reblogs too, and it makes me smile immensely to watch a reader piece things together and ask questions as a plot unfolds!

Secondly, I am SO glad that you are enjoying Fallout! It's been a little brain worm of mine since September 2023 and it took a long time for me to get pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, I guess...), BUT I am so glad I did and that it's a story people resonate with 🥳

I'm so touched that you think I've done justice by this existing world. It is through hours of watching Kingsman that I had hoped I nailed it, haha! But I am so glad that this comes across. I've always said I write for myself, and while this is true it is so heartwarming when someone takes time out their day to say "hey, you. I see what you wrote. Good job!". ❤

And lastly, the OCs! I'm glad you're loving them, but I can't take all the credit for Eve - she has been generously donated by my dear friend @avastrasposts! I fell in love with her Eve, and we joked saying that her and my reader would get along well, especially in a Kingsman universe. So, she's hopped across into this fic for now 🤭💖 Thanks again Mel for letting me nab her!

It's been a while since my last chapter, but I'm hoping to have something out soon - the goal is a couple more chapters before the New Year, so stay tuned for updates!

Thank you again for leaving such wonderful comments, which have had me smiling any time I remembered them 💕

Much love,

Bess xxx

[mspeevee]

Would it help more to ask you questions so you can vent, or would you prefer comfort? If so, would you prefer reassurance or advice?

I know it's a lot, and I don't want to condenscend. But I do promise that you aren't doing anything wrong by feeling this way. Take as much time as you need <3

i just wish i felt like i was important to my friends enough that i was worth the time i put into them back

i wasn't gonna vent but then i exploded anyways.

the gist is that multiple times now i've felt like i do all this effort, messaging first, making art (i don't do it expecting anything back), sharing my life with people only to receive like, appreciation but not reciprocation. and then i watch them do all of that for other people and i can't help but feel like it's my fault. like i am just so replaceable.

and then when i am hurting so bad i understand they don't know what to say me, hell they prolly have my vent and complaining tags blocked i'm sure, but i feel left to rot and seethe until i fucking hate them. and then i feel bad about it, cuz i don't want to, but i'm so tired of feeling this way every few months. it makes me wish i were dead because i don't see any point in going on if no one genuinely cares if i'm in pain or not. not even a simple "hey im sorry you're going through this but i care". i get ignored. and i feel like it reflects my worth to them.

and rn i can't blame myself for feeling so angry about it too when i feel like i'm bleeding out with their backs turned to me. and maybe that's dramatic but i'm not exactly rational right now anyways so.

and later on i prolly won't blame them or anything, i know this is all because my mental health is bad and my brain tortures me using them against me, but when it happens so often and i feel like i'm finally getting better only for something random to set me off into wanting to stop existing again i'm like, well what's the fucking point??

would they even cry about me for that long? would me leaving leave any impact longer than a week? a month? would they regret not taking every chance i gave them to engage with me? did i deserve their time at all anyways? am i selfish for interpreting continual silence as dismissal?

this applies to literally everything but i cannot blame myself for not knowing how people think when they don't tell me. i can't know if anyone likes my art if they don't like it or reblog it or tell me. i can't know that you told your friends you really enjoyed a post on my blog if that's the only people you told.

and obviously that extends to me, too, how can they know i'm slowly resenting them if i dont say something? but isn't that so cruel of me to mention? isn't it so mean of me to make them feel bad for doing harmless things that just so happen to be used as ammo against me because of my own problems by my own brain? should i just stop making friends? where do i give up here? where do i work on it?

honestly i'd love advice, idk how to cope like this. everything online just says therapy but that's not an option for me. im trying so hard to practice mindfulness and challenging the thoughts but they seem so right and like there's so much "proof". "oh you did all this for your friend but they never did it back but look now they're doing it with this new friend! and it's not the first time either, how many times will you assume you mean as much to them as they do to you."

i wish i wasnt struggling alone. even tho i know i'd just think they're lying if they ever reached out to me at least i would remember they tried when i started to come out of this ditch. but no one wants to try with me anymore, and it's my fault.

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

[6gumi]

cinnabun—bun!

synopsis ﹒wriothesley fxckin’ his pretty bun girlfriend!

pairings ﹒wriothesley x f!reader

cw ﹒nsfw MDNI. unedited, use of petnames (bun, good girl, etc) 、he’s a lil rough but it’s okay 、s!ze kink 、dirty talk 、mirror sex 、wriothesley pulling at ur ears 、implied dacryphilia 、cr3ampie

note ﹒ guys . . . imagine wriothesley w a bunny s/o.. ngl i don’t even know how this came 2 be but i’m ovulating rn so it’s understandable! this was a lil lazy since i’m having cramps but i hope it’s okay ! reblogs appreciated ! feel free 2 send me an ask ! — millie ♡

you were so adorable!

wriothesley loved the way your little rabbit ears flopped around, twitching at even the mildest sound. you were adorable, he couldn’t believe he managed to make you his. honestly, you didn’t even expect this to happen! it was an accident! it all started when you thought it was a good idea to whisper against his ear, “you know, rabbits are known for mating a lot, why don't you help me in that aspect?"

well, he seemed to have been very eager to help you.

the duke had you pressed against the mirror, the cold surface of the glass against your skin and perky tits was enough to make you shiver against his chest, you couldn’t even remember what was going on from how good he was fucking you for hours on end. wriothesley let out a grunt as he stares down at your rabbit ears. "good girl, that's much better," he says in a calm, soothing voice. he gently caresses your ears, his rough, thick fingers running along your soft, sensitive earlobes, pulling at it as his other hand ran gentle strokes through your hair with his fingers.

your eyes were sewn shut at the pain of your ears being grabbed like that, murmuring a little “ouch”. your boyfriend chuckles softly as he hears a quiet whine from you. “sensitive, aren't they?" he bites down on the base of your ears with his sharp teeth, not applying enough pressure to hurt you but enough to get the point across. “fuck.. look at the mirror. keep your eyes on the mirror,” he murmured against your ear, his large hand forcing you to stare straight at the mirror . . .

wriothesley’s lips curved into a sly smirk, he could feel himself slipping away into his own world of lust and desire for you, he needed more of you. his large frame towered over yours, he could barely restrain himself from straight up pounding deep into you, but who cares . . he knew you wouldn’t mind that. he gazes down at you and begins to stroke your rabbit ears once more, pulling them back, allowing your body to move towards his . . allowing you to have a more better view of how well you were taking his cock, that huge bulge on your belly was enough to make him cum, adding onto the small puddle of essence on the cold floor. “mm, you see? isn’t it much more comfortable when you just give me what i want, bun?��

the raven runs his finger down your soft cheek, admiring the way you’re tearing up from the stretch and his girth, you could’ve sworn his dick twitched within you from the sight of your eyes sparkling with tears, streaming down your pretty face. “you’re a good girl, bunny. m’ expecting big things from you, ‘kay?” the duke chuckled, unable to contain his excitement and lust, slapping his palm against your pussy lips, a squeak of surprise slipped away from your lips. he then moved forward, closing the distance between your bodies once again as he quickened his pace, drops and drops of cum dripping down your pretty pussy to his cock, then to the floor. goodness, what a mess you both are making. wriothesley’s whole hand nearly engulfed your entire tit, nuzzling against your neck . . . his breath tickling your skin.

he sure kept his hold on you, a tight one at that. not letting you crawl any further. wriothesley pulled at your ears further against him, pushing your body more against the mirror as the imprint of his dick on your belly kept fading and fading back, he wanted to feel more of you and this was his way of telling you. “w-wrio!” a whine left your lips when you felt his hand squeezing at your ass, the mere sight of his larger frame nestling close behind you drove you absolutely crazy. you loved his size; his girth . . . the way his dick fucks you just right. wriothesley reached for the hair at the nape of your neck and pulled your head against his chest, his other holding your ears still as he pressed your face against the mirror, his pounding growing more and more power and force.

“look at how you’re taking me," he said. "it’s like your body was made for me, made for me to fuck and use all i want, yeah? your pussy too, it was made for my cock, it fits so fucking perfectly. let me hear you, bun . . show how much you want me. yeah, that’s it . . ‘s fuckin’ proud of you, baby . . . always taking what i give her.” wriothesley tugged at your ears one more time, emitting a loud whimper from your throat. you could barely keep track of how many rounds you both had, he was practically . . . fucking his cum into you at this point, his hips slammed against yours nonstop . . it was actually impressive how long he could last and cum inside you so much.

“you look so cute and fragile right now," wriothesley gently kissed the base of your neck. “dirty lil’ bun likes when it when i control her. isn’t that right?” there, another tug to your ears. your face was a mess, a hot mess. your lips were formed into a soft pout with more tears glistening against your eyes . . it was embarrassing, really. but wriothesley didn’t mind, your tears aroused him more than it should have.

“such . . a pretty little thing you are, mhm?”

[flaming-thing]

I will catch up. If not tonight, then tomorrow 🫡 (also if this posts twice I apologise, I tried to reblog and it came up with an error? So im doing it again but the first one might come up at some point)

Ram is an animal lover confirmed

I know the other elves can all hear what's going on, but poor callum and ezran must be so confused rn 😭 all they know is thag callisto heard something, and suddenly everyone sprints off leaving them with literally no other information 😭

Imagine being soren in this situation. You're fighting someone you were meant to kill (who you didn't really even want to kill in thr first place), and then her dad just... appears from nowhere between you. Poor guy must be as confused as corvus rn

"Andromedas sickles both wrapped around the neck of the mage" HANG ON HOLD UP THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR WE HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. Girl if you start flirting with claudia I swear

"Corvus, surprisingly,..." SUPRISINGLY?? Damn poor corvus 😭 they really don't have high hopes for him do they

Rayla I'm sorry. As much as I hate to tell you this, i actually don't tunk you had it. If it was just you and soren? Maybe you would've been able to win. But with claudia there as well?

Soren stop bullying people. Especially people younger than you

Callum how did you catch up 😭 it's been like. Less than a minute since the elves got here. How did you run so quickly??

The 'she threw mud in my face' thing has always been hilarious to me. Like, rayla (as far as soren knows) helped to kill the king, kidnapped the princes and then threatened their lives at the banther lodge. And the thing he's annoyed about is that she got mud in his face. It's exactly the sort of thing I would get petty over and I love it

Yes ram you tell them. I never even thought how claudia doing dark magic would be even more disrespectful than doing dark magic already is

Pfffft ram just got bup bup bupped by a child this is amazing

Oh dear lord callum please don't pull the 'but a good elf' line in the presence of 5 other elves please don't do that

CALLUM FOR GODS SAKE. WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR BRAIN TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. SERIOUSLY. THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE 'OH LOOK AN AVALANCHE GUESS ILL BLOW ON IT'. That one *only* takes priority because two (three including zym) people were injured

Runaan you really don't need an excuse to make sure she's alright at this point. Everyone knows that you're taking this opportunity to check her. Just embrace the paternal instincts

Wait andromeda don't kill her she's needed for the plot

Oops forgot corvus was here. Again

SOREN you liar. Tut tut

COMMANDER GREN IS INDISPOSED?? SOREN YOU *BETTER* BR LYING ISTG IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO GREN I WILL THROW HANDS

"Lord viren sent us in his steed" claudia. Soren *literally just said* that amaya sent you

Wait I've just realised callum has just. Ledt ezran alone. Like yes ok he has lujanne (and ellis) but still

Do soren and claudia know that viren most likely killed the king? Or do they think but aren't sure? Or just don't know? The possibilities are endless

Ah yes, instance number 184 of callisto using their glaive for literally anything except its intended purpose

... andromeda WHY do you use the same voice to both threaten and tease people

'How would that work' how would *what* work?? Ram what are you on about??

GUYS Oh my god stop bullying claudia. Yes ok she's slightly evil but come on she's 16 😭

Ah yes the paternal instincts. They have been embraced

Ooooh no he's angry. Maybe more at soren and claudia than at rayla. But still

Runaan you are actually not helping much

Yes remember what ram told you

Ah yes much better

Awww they're hugging

If i were rayla in this situation i 100% would've forgotten the swords. Until like the next day or something

SKOR *WAS* RIGHT HE TOLD YOU THIS IN LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER!! Only took you 27 chapters to realise he was right

Different Path Taken Ch27 P2

Runaan's perspective takes over - his reaction to the fight, and to hearing Rayla's story about it afterwards.

They were about to settle the children for bed after a last meal when Callisto’s tone instantly caught Runaan’s attention, tense and alarmed. “Does anyone else hear that?”

Glancing at them and twitching his ears in the same direction as they all froze, Runaan’s blood ran cold as he recognized the sound of metal clashing against metal.  He quickly ran his eyes over who was present.  The other elves were all close by, with the exception of Ram and Lujanne, who were standing a little apart from them with Phoe-Phoe and Ava.

“Rayla,” Her name came out in a rush of breath as his heart clenched with the realization.  She was the only one missing.

He bolted for the noise with barely a further thought, trusting that Ezran and Callum would be safe near Lujanne in the heart of the Nexus.  A few of the moths that fluttered around the Nexus flew along his path, guiding him directly to the fight.  He heard the words of Dark Magic and Rayla’s cry of pain lit a rage in his heart that he ruthlessly caged for use when it wouldn’t get in his way.

There was space between them when he arrived, sensing the others around him.  He trusted them to take appropriate positions and dropped from the trees directly between Rayla and the swordsman who had drawn back to strike at her again, brandishing his own comparable swords to block him.  Around him more blades unfolded and flickered into existence.  Skor took up a position behind the human swordsman, a blade poking into his back.  Callisto flanked Runaan, far enough away to block any attempts by the swordsman to dodge in their direction.  Andromeda’s sickles both wrapped around the neck of the mage, forcing her to lean back awkwardly against the older woman.  Ram flanked them just as Callisto was doing, twirling throwing daggers between his fingers.  Corvus, surprisingly, had kept up and stood between the other two humans. 

Everything went still for a moment.  Both humans and Rayla were breathing heavily.  Runaan tilted his head and angled his ear back towards her, heart pounding erratically in his chest. “Are you all right, Rayla?”

“I’m fine,” She spat, and he could just imagine her flattened ears and the curl of her lip just from her tone. “I had it!”

“Sure, if it makes you feel better to say so,” The swordsman sneered from in front of him and Runaan narrowed his eyes, baring his fangs at the man.

“Stop!” Callum’s shout took them all by surprise. 

“Callum?” The mage asked in disbelief.

“Don’t fight each other,” Callum ordered, and Runaan noted the moths fluttering around him.  Something in the Nexus had approved of this - guided the boy to their sides.  He frowned deeply. “You’re not enemies.”

Every fiber of his being protested this, but the swordsman was actually lowering his blade at Callum’s urging, wasn’t even holding it up to block any attacks from Runaan. 

“Your friends tried t’ kill me!” Rayla protested. 

“They kidnapped you!”

“She threw mud in my face and some got in my mouth!”

Fascinating.  The mage was angry about their supposed kidnapping, but after being called off, the soldier’s priority wasn’t to contradict the prince, but to gripe about a petty grievance?

“Okay, okay,” Callum said, skidding in next to Runaan and putting his hands out in a calming gesture.  His back was to the elves, placing himself firmly on their side. “Knock it off a second.  Just let me explain.  First of all, Claudia and Soren, I don’t know what you’re doing here, but I’m really glad to see you.”

“Are you kiddin’?” Rayla squawked. “They attacked me!  How can ye be glad?”

“They bring dark magic to a sacred site,” Ram spat. “And violence to a place of grief and peace.”

“Bup bup bup bup bup!” Callum held up his fingers at them both to silence them. “Yeah, they’re two of my oldest friends, and I am glad to see them.” He turned back to the mage and soldier. “But not glad to see you trying to murder my new friend, Rayla, who happens to be-”

“She’s an elf!” The soldier half-shouted, but his sword remained low and he gestured only with his hands, going lower rather than looming over his young friend.

“But a good elf,” Callum contradicted, and Runaan’s back nearly straightened with offense. 

Rayla shot up beside him to speak her mind as he saw Skor’s expression twist unpleasantly behind the soldier’s shoulder. “What do ye mean ‘but a good elf’?” She demanded angrily.

Runaan was slightly grateful for her fury as it drew her into his eyeline, and he could glance her over and be sure almost right away she had no major cuts or lacerations.  He would check later for anything internal or beneath her armor.

“She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be-” the mage started, and broke off abruptly when Andromeda’s sickles tightened on her neck.  They weren’t yet drawing blood but the threat was clear.

“There was no kidnapping,” Callum said firmly. “We went with her and the others by choice.  We knew about all of them when we left.”

“I can confirm that,” Corvus said seriously, lowering his own weapon and looking between the other humans.

The swordsman narrowed his mud-encrusted eyes at him. “And who are you exactly?”

Interesting that he didn’t know.

“I’m Corvus.  One of General Amaya’s personal trackers.” Corvus didn’t miss a beat in replying coolly. “She sent me to find and recover her nephews safely.  And who exactly sent you?”

The swordsman paused for a moment, looking from Corvus to the mage and back. “. . . Also . . . General Amaya,” he said slowly.

Corvus frowned. “Really?” he said just as slowly, brows angled skeptically. “Odd.  I would have thought she’d send one of her own.”

“Commander Gren is uh, indisposed.  So Lord Viren sent us in his stead.” The mage explained, and her fingers spread a little wider as Andromeda huffed from behind her. 

Alarm bells went off in Runaan’s mind after the other suspicions they’d had all seemed to link back to Lord Viren, but none of them seemed to have any effect on Prince Callum.  The boy shrugged it off with a roll of his shoulders and a shake of his head. “Well, I’m glad you’re here.  It’s . . . good to see some familiar faces.  The elves have been really helpful with a lot, but . . . knowing what happened to Dad . . . it’s just nice to see an older friend too.”

Both humans frowned. “You . . . already know what happened to the king?” The mage asked tentatively. 

“Yeah.  We were with the elves when the magic that was holding them to the task just broke, even though they weren’t anywhere near him.” Callum said, not seeming to notice the alarm in the teenagers’ faces as they exchanged glances. “Listen, it’s late.  Why don’t we all just go get some rest and cool off.  Everyone lower your weapons, and we’ll explain everything in the morning.”

Runaan waited until the swordsman sheathed his blade to fold his own again and sling the bow across his chest.  Skor’s lip curled but he reluctantly stepped back, holding his own sword neutral again.  Callisto leaned on their glaive rather than folding it up again, eyes narrow. 

“Mages first,” Andromeda’s voice was smooth and lyrical the way it got when she was teasing or threatening someone.  

“Age before beauty,” The mage sneered in reply.

Andromeda chuckled humorlessly. “Cute.  But I said it first, darling.”

“How would that work?” Ram asked idly. “Either way I think that works out in Andromeda’s favor.”

“Don’t be a bully, Ram,” Callisto taunted a bit with a smirk. “From what Ezran’s said, Claudia’s only sixteen, she has time t’ grow into herself.”

Claudia looked furious, but she lowered her hands and she smiled when Callum looked at her.  Only once she had relaxed did Andromeda unhook her sickles from around the young woman’s neck and let her stand up properly. 

Runaan turned immediately to Rayla with everyone disarmed, crouching beside her and running his eyes critically over her. “Rayla, come here.” He ordered, tugging her into reach the moment she let him touch her, tucking her in to examine her.

“I told ye, I’m fine, Runaan,” She protested verbally, but she let him pull her in, and she knelt in front of him to let him fuss. “I had that.”

Thankfully, the others began to move back towards the buildings for warm beds, leaving them alone, and Runaan made a mental note to thank them for the privacy later as he examined her hands.  They were bright pink under the mud that he brushed away, and she winced when he touched them, as if they were just barely burned. 

“What happened to your hands?” He asked, his tone more neutral than he felt.

Rayla took a moment to respond and when she did it was reluctantly. “The mage, Claudia, she threw somethin’ on ma swords and made ’em too hot t’ touch, while I was holdin’ ’em.  It’s just a little through the mud though, I’m okay.”

Runaan wiped the worst of the mud off her hands around her gloves and took her wrists in his hands, holding them together, breathing carefully before looking her in the eyes.  Her ears were laid back and her eyes were wide with worry. “How did they catch you?” He asked evenly. 

She straightened her back and replied dutifully as always. “They tried t’ use a spell on me, but I didn’t fall for it,” She said. “It was supposed t’ be a sleep spell, so I faked it, I grabbed a blue rose and pricked myself t’ stay awake, and then when Soren was ready t’ attack me, I took him by surprise instead.”

Something cold settled in the pit of his stomach and Runaan narrowed his eyes at her. “You knew what you were going up against,” He said slowly.

Rayla shifted uncomfortably, catching his displeased tone. “Yes?” She confirmed hesitantly. “Sort of.”

“I am just trying to make certain I understand what happened,” Runaan told her, covering her wounded hands with his own. “You discovered what you were facing - that you were outnumbered and one of your opponents was a mage - and you chose to fight instead of retreating for the reinforcements you knew you had available?”

Rayla winced. “I thought I could handle it.” She said weakly. 

“That is besides the point.  Have I not taught you to use every advantage you have at your disposal?  That includes asking for help!” Runaan reminded her, his fingers tense around hers though he carefully didn’t compress them. “You could have asked anyone, it didn’t have to be me, anything that meant you weren’t going into a fight outnumbered, against a ranged opponent with no real ranged weapons.”

Rayla shrank under his censure. “I just thought . . .”

This was exactly what Ram had warned him about.  She had thrown herself into things to prove herself to him again, and Runaan stopped himself short of scolding her, suddenly realizing it would only fuel her to fight harder.  To do this again, over and over until -

Until she felt she’d proven herself to him.

He took a deep, slow breath and let go of her hands, carefully setting aside his own reactive anger and fear for her, and touched her chin to raise her eyes to his again. “You have nothing to prove to me, darling.” He said firmly, knowing too well that it was virtually useless - but trying to reassure her was all he had.  What else could he do, in this moment? “I am not saying you weren’t capable.  I am saying I wish you had called on the resources you had while you have them.  Just promise me you will do better about that.  Please.”

Rayla blinked at him, as if confused by his step back from how harsh he had been with her.  She bit her lip, looking at first one eye, then the other, studying his face before nodding slowly. “I’ll work on it.” She promised. 

“Good.  Now come here.” He tugged her in and Rayla went willingly.  He let his knees fall to the ground so he was kneeling too, allowing him to get a little closer to her to hug her against his chest, nearly hidden by his hair and arms settling around her comparatively tiny frame. 

When they parted she tucked the braid he’d given her behind her ear carefully and glanced over her shoulder. “My swords are in the mud,” She confessed, and he let her go to pick them up.

“Let’s go get your hands seen to,” He said firmly when he saw her wince a little as she folded the butterfly blades and tucked them against her back. “Then you are sleeping with me again.”

She snorted but she was smiling a little, looking down at the path rather than at his eyes. “Okay, Dad.”

His voice caught in his throat again at the title, and he tucked her under his arm as they walked back to their building at the Nexus.  The others had all disappeared into somewhere by now, and they saw no one as they mounted the stairs, at least.

Lucky for the mage and soldier, honestly.  His temper still hadn’t fully cooled, though he had set it aside to care for his cub.  His daughter.  

As he put the soothing cream on her hands, somewhat unnecessarily, to make her more comfortable to sleep, he was transported back to years in the past when he had applied this same cream to her itching spots after she first discovered what he did.  The tiny frame scowling bitterly at his hands, refusing to look at his face.  The way she had complained the entire time.

There was no complaining now, instead it was sighs of relief she tried to hide.  She still wasn’t looking at him, but it was interest on her face, not bitterness.  It was still the same little girl he had held all those years ago, though.  The same face whose hands he had bandaged time and again to prepare her for training. The same one he had patched up after her experience with the river on the blood moon.  The one he had placed sun’s tears poultice over her scrapes and bruises every day after training for years on end.  The same one he had held on his lap while Ti- while her mother did this for her after her first experience with nettles at the tender age of four.  The same one he had steadied in his hands as she brandished a little stick like a sword.  The little bundle he had handed over to Tiadrin in that little copse of trees on the plains before they reached Moonshadow Forest, when she had gone into labor early.

She wouldn’t remember all of those.  She would remember mostly the ones that featured only him and Ethari, with comparatively few from her other parents.  

What closure could there possibly be for him down this thought trail?  Her other parents were dead.  He would never get to confront them about their choices, never get to tell them how their selfishness had hurt him.  How he had set his own dreams of having a child aside to take care of theirs, only for them to be gone so long she became more his than theirs.  

Rayla didn’t comment on how heavily he scent marked her when he was done soothing her hands, or how he cuddled her where she couldn’t move without his knowledge when they settled into bed.  She just huffed a little at the position and submitted to it.

Skor was right.

Rayla was his.

He would never let anything stand in the way of that again.

[fireheartpages]

iii. the hatred of a minute | m.m.

matt murdock x reader

series masterlist

summary: long nights begin being crowded by things you don't want to see materialize, after your legal battle runs its course. the question stands: can you fight your way out of this one? or will you finally fall?

word count: 3.6k

rating: 18+, swf, canon typical violence with a slight trigger warning for assault/SA (latter only mentioned in a medical sense), slight she-hulk spoilers. second person pov, afab reader with she/her pronouns

a/n: this quote comes from an edgar allen poe passage, "years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute." hello all! i know it's been like nine months since my last chapter and honestly i shouldn't promise any more consistent updates lmfao. i've moved twice (once cross country) since my past chapter and i'm moving out of state again in like two weeks. so life has been unreasonably crazy lately, but i watched she-hulk and when she said the accords were revoked i was like are you fr rn bc so much of this fic's plot was in fact based around the accords but also i hadn't been writing bc i didn't know what i wanted to so with it so honestly that little tweak in canon made me wanna overhaul the plot and start writing again so here i am!! this is still the bare bones of where i had planned on going with the series but with some changes so that i'll actually be invested in writing it lol and i hope y'all will be invested in reading it!! also shout out to the three people in my notes who reblogged the first two chapters like two days ago that finally made me start writing, yall are awesome. this is for u. (and she-hulk) (oh yeah also matt in she-hulk!! sexy af)

March 2024

Matt could smell your hangover.

Every inch of you was drenched in sweat and vodka and sick. You stumbled into the office of Nelson, Murdock, and Page a little after eleven, half reeling, and rendering Matt more than a little concerned. Foggy met you as you made it in the door, helping you to the small couch next to his desk.

“What the hell happened to you?” Foggy asked, tossing Matt a water bottle to hand to you.

“Have you seen, like, literally any public media source?”

Matt hummed, leaning against the desk across from you. “I did. Imagined you’d take it about this well, too.”

“Thought you couldn’t see, Murdock.”

Matt chuckled. “Good to know your humor’s still in tact.” He unscrewed the bottle an handed it to you. You took it, taking a long sip, then pressing your head to the back of the couch.

“How does, like, the law work?” you asked. “Can I sue? I wanna sue, or something. Get that asshole to put his shield down.”

Foggy laughed sympathetically, walking around to take a seat. He’d told Matt you would be coming in today only about an hour ago, detailing the phone call he’d had with Bucky Barnes. Apparently he’d fished around your purse until he found Foggy’s business card and called, asking if you could come in. Neither of them knew what the topic of your visit was, but after last night’s news spectacle, it wasn’t hard to guess. 

“That’s not how the law works, unfortunately,” Matt answered you. “Also, we’re defense lawyers.”

“Okay, and?”

“We don’t sue people.”

“We protect the people getting sued,” Foggy supplied.

“Assholes,” you mumbled, eyes sliding shut.

“So, what, did you raid a liquor store last night?” he asked, voice dancing with the odd mix of sympathy and humor.

“Tried to outdrink Bucky.”

“How well did that go?”

“Can’t remember a single thing after four p.m., but at least my hangover hurts worse than the news blasts I keep getting on my phone do.”

“You can turn those off, you know,” supplied Foggy helpfully.

“Fuck off, Nelson.” Matt laughed, suddenly acutely aware of the rip in your jeans where your skin poked through unhindered. You were crowding his senses for some reason. He pushed off the desk, walking around just to give himself something to do. He noted what was happening outside the window. Someone was walking a dog, a couple was arguing, a few honks from taxi drivers, the smell of you underneath all the liquor—

Knock it off, he thought. 

He paced back around to the opposite side of the desk, balancing himself on the edge. Your voice coated his thoughts as he tried to focus on what you and Foggy were saying. 

Foggy was explaining something about the legality of the Accords to you that Matt was struggling to catch on to. You swore at whatever he said. Matt let the conversation float over him as his senses crept out to the warmth of your skin and the softness of your voice and whatever shampoo you used that made you smell so good. He dug his nails into the wood of the desk below him, something solid to keep him from drifting into whatever made him like you so much. He knew he couldn’t, knew he shouldn’t, after the alarms went off in his mind the last time he walked you home and you’d leaned into his touch just a little too much. That bit of intimacy you’d offered him, the trust you were putting in him was misguided, unearned, and dangerous. Not with who he was. Not with who you were. 

So he denied himself, as any good Catholic would. 

He was brought back into reality when Foggy directed something at him. 

“What?” he stuttered, willing his brain to come up with something a little bit better. 

“Still with us?” Foggy laughed. 

You remarked, “I thought I was the one who was wrecked,” and he clenched his jaw. 

“My mind wandered.” He took a slow, deep breath. 

He couldn’t ignore the soft laugh you gave, or the way your pulse picked up with awareness under his focus. He could tell Foggy knew he was full of shit. "What did you say?"

"Do you think you could handle a neighborly visit?" Foggy asked.

Matt had no idea what he was talking about.

Thankfully, Foggy saved him the embarrassment of having to ask. "I'm going to do the best I can to figure out how to get around this once Bucky Barnes gets in contact with Sam Wilson. I think you should pay a visit to Mr. Walker."

Matt huffed and shifted from foot to foot. "Um, why?"

"Trying to prevent a murder," he answered dryly, then pointed a finger at you. "You are not to make contact with Walker. At all. I don't care. Relay that message to Bucky as well."

You sighed and rolled your eyes, letting your head lull back onto the couch. Your hair fell away from your neck, exposing more of your skin to the air. No more deep breaths.

"I think it can be arranged," Matt said.

He felt you tense, like you were making to get up, but you didn't move. Matt rounded the desk again, offering his arm to you. "Let's get you home."

You took it, letting him half-haul you up off the couch and into a standing position. Your skin was so soft. "Coffee?" he asked.

"You buying?"

He smirked at you, then turned his attention to Foggy. "Send any updated you find?'

Matt could tell Foggy was giving him a look that he was hoping you weren't picking up on, powers or not. You let yourself be escorted out the door, down the stairs, and out of the building, the entire time not letting go of Matt's arm.

New York liked to pretend to have spring. There was snow on the ground, and the temperature was barely breaking 65, in a way that let non-locals believe there might be some warmer weather up ahead. He knew better, though. He knew New York would stay icy for a long while longer.

He walked along the streets covered with melting snow, dodging tourists and kids checking out colleges on spring break. No one paid him a second thought. People were too busy thinking about themselves. Everyone is always only ever thinking about themselves.

Even when there was so much hurt in the world. So much that needed to be fixed and yet everyone chooses to think only about themselves. Everyone chooses to ignore the help they could give others and instead make it about them. So selfish, he thought. But he wasn't selfish. He thought about other people. He thought about the betterment of other people. Of a community.

That's why it took him so long to pick the perfect person. He didn't want to call her a victim. A pretty blonde in a pinstripe suit. She had just hung up the phone. Perfect, he thought. She wasn't a victim, no. Even as she thrashed and kicked as he came down hard with a hand over her mouth and dragged her into the alleyway just to his right. She wasn't a victim, she was the beginning to the betterment of a community. Of the world.

He pushed the needle into her skin, letting the dosage sink into the muscle of her arm. He'd had to tear her pretty blazer. He was sure she'd be fine with it if she knew. If she knew she was the beginning to a better community.

She lost her fight as the dose made its way through her system, slowly slumping in his arms as he lowered her to the ground, and he left her there to wake up later, making his way back into the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.

"Are you sure they're going to let you in in your condition?"

You laughed, still clinging to Matt's arm as you both made your way to the hospital. He'd insisted on ensuring you made it there safely, despite your protests. It's either this or the rooftops, he's said. He'd bought you coffee. You figured you could start your shift off on the right foot.

"They don't care what state I'm in as long as I can change a bedpan and start and IV," you remarked.

Mat laughed, and you liked the sound. "Let me know if you ever want to unionize."

"We're med students, Matt, I'm not even a real employee."

"That... sounds like it should break some labor laws."

You screwed up your face. "Gotta learn somehow. There could be worse ways. Than legalized slavery."

"Oh no," Matt said around another one of those pretty laughs. God. Go back to when you hated him, you thought. It was so much easier than thinking he was beautiful. And God, was he.

"I'll be fine," you stated, trying (and failing) to stop staring at him in the glistening springtime air. "Couple more cups of coffee and I'll be human-shaped again. Or, med student-shaped. How about you go out there and make sure we don't get any stabbings or GSWs? I want a quiet night."

"I'll try my best," he said, releasing your arm so he could slide his hand up and down it. What a gentleman, warming you up. So polite.

You stood there in silence, trying to come up with something to say maybe to extend the moment, or maybe a dig to make it not as incredibly obvious as it felt that you really enjoyed his company. Before you got the chance, a scrub-clad energy ball launched at you.

"You gotta come in here, we got a chick with some weird-ass symptoms, right up your alley. Come do your funky thing." He shivered. "God, it is freezing out here."

"Derek, no, that's not how this works and you know it." You sighed, closing your eyes, and digging your phone, which had begun ringing, out of your coat pocket.

"It is now," Derek said, smiling like he was sharing an inside joke with you. His smile faltered when he realized you were entirely lost. "You didn't see? I thought you would be jumpin' for joy."

"See what, Perez?" you asked, funneling every inch of exasperation into the question.

"The Accords got revoked. You get to be super doc."

"What?" you and Matt snapped in unison.

You looked down at your phone to see Foggy calling and thrust the phone up to your ear.

"Is it true?" you demanded at the same time Foggy said, "I have the best news ever!"

You heard him laugh on the other end of the line. "No more collar or leash for you, baby! The Accords were just revoked for American citizens!"

"Is he serious?" Matt asked you in a low voice.

You felt like you were going to pass out.

"I knew this had been in the works in congress but I didn't want to get my hopes up, but it's happening, baby!" Foggy was going on.

"What?" you snapped.

"Effective immediately, you are no longer required to sign the Accords. No leash, no monitoring. Go have fun."

"I would definitely still check with your higher-ups before using your abilities at work," Matt supplied.

"Is that Matt? Matt, you asshole, I've been calling you for like 10 minutes!"

"Dude," Derek said, "you've gotta come see this girl."

You were frozen in place, frozen with shock until you felt Matt's hand come to rest on the small of your back. You took a shuddering breath. "So, I'm free?"

"You're free," Foggy said gently.

You hung up the phone without saying goodbye, and turned to Matt. "I should get in there." Patients first, feelings later.

"Have a good evening," Matt said, his hand falling from your back. "Text me when you get home.

You knew damn well he would know when you got home without you texting him. But you didn't say anything. Instead, you turned back to Derek as he walked away and you forced yourself not to let your gaze follow him.

"Do I have time to get scrubs?"

"This chick is wild, okay," Derek began, ignoring your question. "I'd just gotten in when she came in. Flu-like symptoms, so the docs put her on me, right? Turns out, she was assaulted walking to work. All shaken up. I went to go get the kit, but she kept refusing, thought she'd probably feel safer with a female doc. So I offered up one of the interns, but she refused again. Said she was conscious for the entire attack, and all that happened was this guy stuck a needle in her arm and left her on the ground." He kept talking as you rounded the corner into the locker room. "Scumbag, right? I wasn't sure I believed her, but she let me do a physical exam and the only signs of struggle were on her face and neck. And her arm, where the needle went in. So she's telling the truth. And here's the catch. Tox screen is nuts."

You shrugged on your white coat. "How so?"

"Lit up like a Christmas tree," Derek said, shaking his head. "Amphetamine, opiates, benzos, tylenol, you name it."

You raised your brow at him. "Wow."

"And get this, she's bleeding from every line we give her. I tried to put in an IV, blew the vein."

"You're bad at IV's."

"Not that bad," he said indignantly. "But even Mar tried, and the line started bleeding. Mar! Best nurse in this place botched an IV. Doc Cohen tried to put in a central line, more bleeding. Her pressure was skyrocketing every time we tried too."

"That would sense," you said following him further into the ER. "Eight million drugs in someone's system ought to thin the blood."

"Yeah but we get at least a central line on druggies. Besides, she doesn't have any past drug use history. Her lines are clean, man." He led you to a private room towards the back of the ER. You pushed open the door with a sigh.

There was a young girl on the bed, two bloody bandages around her arms and a bandage across her chest. She was pretty, twenty-something with her blonde hair falling out of a ponytail at the back of her head. There was what looked like a designer bag and pinstripe pants discarded in the corner, the matching jacket in an evidence bag.

"Hannah Edwards, this is one of my colleagues, she's gonna do a much better job of figuring this out than we are," Derek supplied as you walked farther into the room.

You introduced yourself with as much smile as you could muster, sitting down next to the bed. "Don't sell her lies, Dr. Perez, please. How are you feeling?"

"Like a human pin cushion with a nasty flu," Hannah said with a weak smile.

"Can you tell me when you started getting the flu symptoms?" you asked.

"Like, fifteen minutes after the guy got me. I laid on the floor, not able to move for like ten minutes. When I got up, I started to go home, but I got, like, super dizzy and feverish five minutes later, so I came here instead."

"You were paralyzed?" you asked.

"I guess?" Hannah shrugged. "I got really groggy for a while and then when I tried to move, everything felt super heavy. It took me, like, ten minutes, like I said, to get up and move. Then I felt all dizzy and came here."

"Good thing," you said. You let your ability reach out ever so slightly, creeping out to touch whatever weird sickness surrounded her.

You jumped back.

"What, what is it?" Hannah asked.

"Dr. Perez, could I see that tox screen please?"

Derek handed you the paper. "Told you, there's almost so much on there that it's unusable."

"She shouldn't be upright with all of this in her system. Have you had any vomiting, Hannah?" You read the tox report again and again, begging the number to make sense but--Hannah Edwards should be dead right now if this were true.

"Just a little nausea," Hannah answered.

"Temp's been bouncing between 100 and 102," Derek said from behind you. "That's the third tox I ran. Same result every time."

You stood up, turning to meet his eye. "Let's get this shit out of her system, please."

You walked out of the room, almost slamming face-first into your resident as the door shut behind you.

"Did you do your thing?" Dr. Cohen asked.

"I, uh--"

"She started to, but something weird happened, huh?" Derek supplied. He'd seen you break the rules with your mutation once or twice or enough to tell when you did.

"It was weird. Like her sick pushed against me. She has so much in her system she should be dead or close to it, but there's something to keep her standing," you told them.

"Which is?" Cohen asked.

"I... don't know."

"Okay, so go find out." Cohen flashed her brown eyes between you and Hannah.

You sighed and shook your head before shutting your eyes and willing the hustle and bustle of the ER to go quiet for just a moment. You let your ability reach out once again, tendrils of invisible power creeping toward Hannah in her bed. You let it lace through every drug in her system, finding familiar things like acetaminophen and penicillin, the odd things like an antidepressant, and the less familiar things you were assuming were things like cocaine and meth, until you found... nothing.

"There's nothing there."

Derek and Cohen stared at you.

"What?" Derek asked.

"All that must be a front. She just has the flu." You looked between the puzzled expression the two shared.

"A flu that came on in less than fifteen minutes," Cohen supplied.

"I'm not saying that's all it is, or all that's gonna develop." You shoved the chart back into Derek's hands. "You should admit her for observation. I need a cup of coffee."

Your phone rang again hours later and as it flashed on the table of the breakroom, you found yourself hesitant to answer.

"Hi, Matt," you said as you brought the phone up to your ear.

"Good evening," he said, his voice silky and husky and you wanted to hang up.

"Hi."

"Are you walking home tonight?"

"Alone," you said. Not the smartest idea, all things considered, but you knew when someone was going to sneak up on you. You were an Avenger for fuck's sake. You could walk home alone tonight.

His voice dropped imperceptibly lower. "What happened?"

"Nothing," you said, carefully keeping emotion out of your voice. "Busy night. And, plus, I don't really need a lawyer anymore, since the Accords were revoked. So."

Matt laughed dryly, and you felt like you could imagine his face on the other end of the phone. He sighed. "You know I can hear your heartbeat through the phone, right?"

"You're so full of shit."

"You're lying to me. Why are you blowing me off?"

"Cause I'm a big girl, Murdock!" You dragged a hand over your face. Attachment was not your style, even Steve knew that, but this guy was making that very difficult. "I don't need you trying to sneak into my bed every night."

"You have got to stop with the lying, it's getting you nowhere with me."

You screwed up your face. "Goodbye, Matt." And you hung up the phone.

Matt was not having a good night. 

He went out on patrol like he did most nights. Like you told him to that night. That was where he'd called you from, a rooftop in Hell's kitchen. Maybe he did go seeking out trouble. Getting into fights he didn't need to be in. He wasn't unaccustomed to getting his ass kicked. No one knew more than Matt Murdock what pavement tasted like. What differed tonight from most nights, though, was the level at which he got his ass kicked. 

Whatever he was stuck with, it knocked him on his ass for a good ten minutes. Groggy and disorienting, like every cell was magnetized to the floor. His throat hurt, probably a symptom of being out in the cold all night. Even Daredevil wasn't immune to the common cold. He hauled himself off the floor with great effort, shocked his assailant left him there, and a little upset with himself he let the guy get away.

He was beaten and bruised and thoroughly feverish as he sat on the subway to Brooklyn.

He didn't want to show up on your doorstep. And you'd made it very clear you didn't want anything to do with him. But he was tired, and everything ached, and if anyone could fix his potentially broken rib, it would be you.

So, no, he didn't really blame you for the shock when you opened the door to your condo and found him slumped against the doorframe.

"Matt?" Your voice was high and indignant.

"I don't--" He fell forward, and you caught him taking off his mask.

"What the hell happened?" you demanded.

"Lost a fight," he managed, letting you guide him to the couch. He felt... some sort of tickle. Something that relaxed his muscles and felt soft, like how he imagined your skin felt.

"Matt, what the hell? Who did you get in a fight with?"

"I don't--" He grunted in pain, then relief as the pain in his ribs subsided.

He felt your face contort in pain, and your breath hitch.

"Don't--" he started.

"What happened?" you tried again.

His body started to feel light, so light, as if he were floating. Then he felt you slump against him, and suddenly, sleep was grabbing at his senses. He tried his hardest to resist it, tried to shake you awake, but he just ended up falling asleep, a hand snaking into your hair.

[noxiatoxia]

Hi! So I have a few things I wanted to say/ask so hopefully this isn't too long or out of place or anything

Okay so first off, you always reblog and say such nice things about my art in the tags and I wanted to say I appreciate it so much, I never know what to say but like you're the backbone of the hikakao community so it feels like a seal of approval in a way haha. And your art is so amazing like, damn! I love it sm. Kaoru has been my fav character for nearly a decade so I love seeing that its not just me he has a grip on, and as an autistic person myself who loves princesses’ and specifically Cinderella… well your hc means a lot to me haha. Oh and your hanahaki fic??? I ugly cried. SO damn good like the characterizations… one of the best Hikakao fics I've read on god

So I kinda wanted to ask two things, first being if you had to choose for the other hosts to have a fav princess who would it be? Im personally very partial to Tamaki loving Belle, given the like french beauty and romanticism of it all, plus her giving herself up for the safety of a parent connection. I like the idea of him being kinda dumb and taking it as you need natural inner AND outer beauty, which he oh so obviously has in spades and that kind of nonsense. Idk I was just curious if you'd have an opinion on this as ive been giving it some thought lately. Especially on Hikaru, I think he would like a more down to earth princess that doesn't have too much frills or singing in the film, like Merida because it's the most adventurous one without character songs if you're just going off disney. But idk I feel like another princess would suit him better, I just can't think of one rn

Second was if you had any thoughts or analysis of how the maid the twins had when they were young impacted them and their development? And more importantly how it impacted them each differently? Like obviously her saying no one may ever be able to tell them apart fucked with their heads, but like idk. Ive been thinking about it. And what if they never met her, and she never said that? Would they of been less warped? I think they'd just meet someone else who they liked who couldn't tell them apart, who'd just say the same thing in a different way. But how key was her betrayal of trust during a high stakes robbery of their parent's estate to all this? Im just musing at this point lmao

Oh also less an ask but I personally hc Kaoru to dissociate and the like frequently, and how maybe them being in sync all the time in their mannerisms really helps him with his autopilot moments, and Hikaru is always ready and able to catch him up to speed on what's happening and what they just did, if its something he would care to know that is. And I hc Hikaru as bipolar, his depression just manifests really angerly instead of traditional sadness. But my point is I love the idea that they're just so used to the other that any mentally ill or neurodivergent behavior one of them does the others just like “Oh yeah Kaorus just like that. You know how it is. What do you mean you don't know anyone afraid of hairdryers? Like legit afraid? Yeah no thats just a thing. Hmm. Well you should get over it it's his fear not yours I dont see how it concerns you.” and like gets defensive if anyone tries to say it's weird lmao

Okay that was long oops I hope this wasn't out of place or weird or anything, I got excited talking about it haha. Hope all is going well!!

THIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET YES!!! I WAS DRAWING HIKAKAO RIGHT AS YOU SENT THIS ASK TOO BTW.... i was htinking like, should i post this... theres kissing..... but then i remember why it's so rewarding to do what I love <3 really and truly. I've met SO many incredibly kind, creative, and thoughtful people through hikakao it's insane. And tbh it makes me want to never stop posting about them even if it nets me hate every now and again LMAO it's just, stuff like this is irreplaceable to me. And I LOVE your art!!!!!! It's SO cute... the picture of Kaoru dressed as cinderella made me legit scream. I sent it to all my friends and showed it to my brother haha. The whole Kaoru/Cinderella headcanon is very personal to me as you can probably gather from my carriage posting. so whenever I see it I go nuts (in a good way. it not destructive).

I think it's very funny (in a good way) that you already had a special interest in princesses, esp Cinderella. For me, it's like...I can NOT look at anything Cinderella related normally anymore because I'm reminded of the carriage allegory, and yet we have Cinderella movie nights every thursday now because of me...I describe my relationship with Cinderella as "stockholm syndrome" because i legit didn't care about or really even know Cinderella before all this went down, but now she is my Worst Enemy but Best Friend and if anybody says Cinderella is mid I'm blowing up another hostage.

Also!!! Thank you so much about the fic!!! While looking back I feel like there are def things I could improve on, I do really like that fic. As somebody who's personally arospec, I have trouble writing the "feelings" of romance so I tried my best. I have other Hikakao adjacent stories I'm writing and I wanna post them here!!!

Okay, onto the questions...firstly, YES, Tamaki DOES seem like the type to love Belle. He may also enjoy Rapunzel and her whole being held captive her whole life because maybe he feels the same way with his own family situation. Haruhi strikes me as a little mermaid type, no real reason, I just get that vibe. Although Kyoya probably relates to the original fairytale of the little mermaid in some ways for sure. I actually HC Mori's favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast, so he's probably also really into Belle. As for Hani, I'm not sure...Giselle, maybe. He likes her whimsy.

Hikaru is interesting, because I feel like he's like Me in which he HATES Cinderella because he has to hear about it 24/7 but if ANYBODY said anything mean about cinderella he'd be like...you bitch...you take that BACK. Altho I have this headcanon that Hikaru's favorite princess is Alice from Alice in Wonderland (tho she really isn't a "princess") because he always liked that movie better. Kaoru would cry as a kid tho when Hikaru said he thought that movie was better so he pretended to like Cinderella more. But he doesn't. Merida tho...that's a very good choice, I can defff seeing Hikaru being a big Merida fan.

So, to the second question: it's very interesting! What stood out about that maid to Hikaru and Kaoru was the fact she was mean to them. being raised as rich and "better" than everyone else, all the maids HAD to be nice or they got fired pretty much, so to see a maid go against that status quo, to treat them honestly...that's why they liked her so much.

If anyone else had said "nobody will be able to tell you two apart", would it have hurt? sure. But it wouldn't be devastating, because they likely wouldn't care about that person's opinion. but they liked this maid, they looked up to her in a weird way. Having somebody you like and trust tell you something hurtful is way more harmful than if a stranger did it.

Now...would they be LESS twisted if it never happened? I doubt it. I mean, maybe they'd be LESS focused on looking identical, but they would still be rather cruel and mischievous, because that's how they were simply raised: they were raised being taught their actions have no consequences, because they're better than everyone else. Simple by being "Hitachiins", they had a pass to do all sorts of nasty shit to people because they were rich and powerful. Besides, canonically, their mom & dad were barely in their lives, and child neglect causes the children to act out to get attention, usually via things that would get them scolded. So, while they miiight not have been AS keen on matching had that maid never said what she did before leaving them forever, they would probably be just as mean and cruel.

To le third point: YES that is so good. Kaoru very much dissociates in my heart of hearts as well. He has days on end where he doesn't feel like he's in his own body, everything's sort of a blur, he can't remember things well...Hikaru's there for him in those moments at least.

I always saw Hikaru and Kaoru as ADHD/Autism solidarity. But bipolar is an interesting one, too. I could def see it.

Also the hairdryer thing FUCKING RELATABLE...I'd think Kaoru is "afraid" of hairdryers/thunder - just really fucking loud noises that are sudden and/or unceasing. They don't make him "cower" necessarily but like, he gets super jittery/irritated because he gets overwhelming anxiety from it. Hikaru as a kid probably didn't understand why his brother acted so strangely to certain sights/sounds/touches, and maybe at first teased him about it, but when it was clear these things actually DISTRESSED Kaoru he stopped and did everything he could to make him feel better. and if anybody makes fun of kaoru for it Hikaru beats the shit out of them.

This was super nice ;w; I love receiving long asks, asks about ouran and the twins especially. legit if you ever wanna talk about them u can send an ask or DM me you seem really nice!!

[wreckingtickles]

newest obsessions 💛: Mh, I don't think I have fallen down any new rabbit holes lately.

last three movies i watched and what i thought of them 🎫:

Inside Out 2: cute movie, though I confess I'm not the biggest fan of the franchise. I always admire what they're going for and the concept is incredible, but the stories don't really resonate with me much. Anxiety's VA in my language was a major highlight.

The Stepford Wives (1975): Loved the idea, again, but the tone feels off, it's just hard to take the premise seriously as a horror movie, even though its themes are on point.

The Stepford Wives (2004): Camp as the original probably should have always been, and I think the comparison with the first contributed to its bad rep, although the two twists at the end really undermine a cogent thematic nucleus.

3 songs i discovered recently and loved 🌟: I don't listen to a lot of music, unless it's from some show I'm watching. So I'll say All 2 You and When I See Him Tonight from Helluva Boss. Can't name a third song right now, but I have recently listened to Hey Mr. Blue from the BoJack Horseman finale.

newest fav ships 🌼: Not the biggest shipper, goddamn it am I boring XD I suppose you could say Sasaki and Miyano from... Sasaki to Miyano.

currently watching ⭐️: Nothing, I've been trying to watch more films and fewer series, but I'm kinda hate-watching Bridgerton with friends.

currently reading 📒: A feminist anthology that's taking me literal months to finish. I don't read anywhere near enough.

currently playing 🔅: Tears of the Kingdom.

currently looking forward to 🌻: Being done with the stories I'm writing lol Maybe the new Shyamalan movie too?

recently finished 🌙: Helluva Boss, and Sasaki to Miyano before that. There's something else but I can't remember rn.

something to share 🐝: Mh, I'm kind of insecure about how I look and I want to break free from certain patterns... but to avoid turning this into the trauma-dump section, I'll say that I have been working on the script and outline of an animated series for years and I think it could turn out excellent if I ever got the chance to make it.

Only tagging people who openly post/reblog tickle content, so here's a no-pressure tag for @sallage, @bee--positive, @riisume, @capsaiicin, and @finneyythehuman.

Catching up (Tag Game)

Ive been a bit on and off and felt like making a tag game so here's one to catch up on each other's interests and hyperfixations! Answer the 10 questions and tag 5 people. No pressure ofc!

@fluffandgiggles @ppystkposts @crazy-as-a-jaybird @blobbirobbi @kusuguricafe + everyone who wants to join! **edit + everyone who received a notification from when I tried to tag 10+ people and the tumblr post broke 😂

❤️ Newest obsessions: Dungeon Meshi, probably has been clear.. and capybaras. Taylor Swift not very new but refueled obsession since seeing the eras tour concert!

🎥 Last 3 movies I watched and what I thought of them:

Inside Out 2 - CRYING SOBBING LOVING IT SO MUCH

The Parent Trap 1998 rewatch - Still golden fav, one of my guiltiest pleasures

Sous la Seine / Under Paris - Love a good shark movie but thought this was mediocre smh. the ending was cool tho hahaha

🎶 3 songs I discovered recently and love:

Peggy - FEMININE RAGE

Spencer Sutherland - Alive

HOYO-MIX - Interstellar Journey

💘 Newest fav ships: Falin x Marcille , Chilchuck x Senshi, and Laios x Kabru all from Dungeon Meshi!!!

📺 Currently watching: The Apothecary Diaries, Wind Breaker, House of the Dragon, Pokemon Johto Journeys (rewatch), FMA Brotherhood (rewatch), Mushoku Tensei S2 (might drop it)

📖 Currently reading: Dungeon Meshi manga, Define the Relationship manhwa, XXX Buddy manhwa (both manhwas on hold but I'll continue reading soon!)

🎮 Currently Playing: Fortnite, Minecraft, Genshin Impact (haven't played since Cyno story quest tho), Zelda Tears of the Kingdom (on hold), Yakuza 0, Zelda Skyward Sword, Hogwarts Legacy, note: I kinda dropped all mobile games but I'm really considering starting love & deepspace again hmmm.

😍 Currently looking forward to: New Fortnite update, Genshin Natlan update (even though I have to catch up on the previous ones lol), the new Deadpool movie, Blue Lock movie (seeing it this week!)

✅ Recently finished: Kaiju No. 8 (anime), other than that no books, manga, games or shows. All still in progress lol.

💌 Something to Share: I'm glad to see people are enjoying the x reader drabbles and I'm motivated to work on them faster when I can! Thanks everyone for your patience.. T-T

[perexcri]

Leah!!! Oh Lordy idofnwkfjajdjwfjejfjdjc Flirty And Happy/comfy w himself Will fic!! It’s like u can see Exactly inside my brain and know what kind of fic I’m craving. I’m so Very excited to see where you take this bc the first chapter was !!!!!🥰🥰🥰

“Mike’s always been one for boldness, for sculpting light out of darkness and shadows out of glows–obviously he’d like working with charcoals” screams. I Adore that Mike’s gotten into charcoal (also cackled that he was clearly trying to get art class w will poor bb)—it’s a hard medium to work w (I’m Bad at it) but I think ur right, I feel like Mike wouldn’t be bad at it.

“It takes Will a good two seconds to convince himself not to press his lips into Mike’s neck, just to dispel the word friend out of the air. Like, yes, they’re friends, but also…it’d be cool to be friends but also something else, right?

“Yeah,” Will finally says, already being dragged down into a cascading tornado of thoughts that begins with swingsets and ends with What are we, Mike?”

S c r e a m i n g rolling on the floor wiggling like a slug. E s pecially that last line of that bit. I’m going to Eat My Phone.

Earnest flirting Best flirting !!! Will is the most valid and correct person ever actually😌

Love me some Platonic Madwise and u write them so well—despite the fact that the show Hasn’t let them interact much at all— and just diandrkfjw.

Also!!! Willel!!! Siblings!! They’re so !!!

“The Party has its own intergroup dynamics and mini units that like to meet on their own for their own hangout time: the four boys have a weekly D&D session separate from the one they do with the girls; Lucas and Will sometimes meet to go on runs or work out; El and Max are practically inseparable; Lucas, Dustin, and Mike have set up shop in one of the unused utility closets to tinker with old A/V equipment the school had all but abandoned.” I’m literally So feral over this. the Party Being Friends!!!!!!! Kicking my feet rn

Painting for Mike :D !!!! I’m So rieicjshfjw invested in seeing how this is going to turn out !! Ur ability to set up plot that leaves me invested is like So talent and I just!!

ur writing is lovely wonderful and u are v wonderful and I hope you are having a fantastic weekend💕💕

VEEEE!! i'm glad i can provide what you're looking for 😌 i genuinely meant this to be a flirty fic, but i think i like where it ended up going instead better :D as funny as it is to write about these two being losers, it's been nice to write about Will being happy with who he is for once (especially since my other wip is just taking a scalpel to all of Mike's self-esteem issues but we don't have to talk about that right now)

!!! i'm glad i could have an artist agree with me on the charcoals thing!! i haven't used them since the art class i took my junior year of high school, but i remember them being my favorite thing to work with. Mike just seems like the kind of person who'd like black-and-white mediums. but more importantly: he just wanted to spend time with Will 😩

*punches wall* Will is going to be happy, dammit

and i'm glad you like that he's being earnest!! honestly this fic started off with a post i saw around new year's (which i haven't bothered to look for again but i know i reblogged it lol) talking about flirty Will. i tried to approach it like i did with cheer up, baby where i was taking a trope that often gets applied to Mike and was trying to imagine what it would look like if Will did it. in this case, i figured he'd be a lot more earnest with his flirting rather than teasing or brash. he just seems like the kind of person that would look at you with shiny anime eyes and say the most heartfelt thing you've ever heard

AHHHH i'm also so glad you're enjoying all the little group dynamics T_T i love Max/Will/El as a trio even though those three barely interact as a group in the show lol. i'd sell my soul for a whole season of st that's just the three of them hanging out tbh

heheheh yesss a painting for Mike!! i'm gonna make everybody's theory that the painting was gonna be one of them meeting on the swing set a reality even if it kills me. i'm still recovering from the whiplash of watching vol2 and Mike unrolling the canvas - i literally watched it the first time and went "but isn't it supposed to be them on the swings?? did they not get the memo?"

Vee i know i only finished posting aftry like a week ago but i got so used to marathon-posting it and seeing your thoughts on each chapter every day that i've missed see your name pop up in my ask box ajkfsdalkj. so it was lovely to wake up and see a new message from you!! you are lovely to talk with as always, and i am wishing you a wonderful weekend too!! or, i guess it's technically monday, so i am wishing you a lovely week!! :] 💜💜💜

[icharchivist]

What are all those drafts Icha? I'm very interested

HELP

so it's like, ten years worth of stuff ALJDKLFJDLFK

there's abandoned thought posts that ranges from hot takes about stuff i'm into, silly rambling that makes no sense, rage and fury against a bad take i saw online, or sometimes some depressing thoughts, which, generally, once i'm done writing or am halfway writing, i think either i didn't word it well enough to post and i don't feel like rewording it, or realize that actually it's kind of a meaningless rant or realizing once i'm done writing that "wow this was so silly i can't believe i was fired up about it" so i just draft it to not totally delete it DKLJFDLKFJ

there's "posts i don't want to reblog but also want to keep the info in it in some place so my draft are the right place to save them " (it's not i never look at my drafts)

there's sometimes "post i want to reblog but it's 3am and if someone see i'm online i'm going to be lectured about it, and i'm too lazy to schedule/queue it so i'll draft it so i think about posting it the next morning (and then i don't)" posts,

or "posts i don't want to reblog but i need to forward to a specific friend (and it's 3am so i can't do that right now)"

or "posts i'd reblog but i need to check the links in them first and i don't have the time rn (either because it's like a uquiz, or information i want to double check first, or links to stuff like fanfic or translation of manga)" and then i forget to check the links and go lazy

or posts of comics that have multiple parts and i save up the last part i've read so i can come back and check when more parts have been added to it (but i don't actually come back because it gets drowned in my drafts)

or just, pictures and videos i want to share the link of with friends, and only the link, so i post them on the tumblr server so i get a tumblr link to drop by whenever i need (that was the case of the video i just posted for instance)

or the worst ones as in, the one i feel the most guilt over, which haven't happened in a long time but still, "asks i receive that demand for a long answer and i either started writing it but don't have the time/energy to finish it, or, want to remember to reply to it later (and then i didn't)"

so my drafts are just "yeah i'm doing that to stay organized" *drops things in a dump i'm never looking into again* over the course of 10 years and that's how you end up with this many drafts. Basically.

the more you know (☞^•́ヮ•́^)☞

[friendofthecrows]

Major TW discussion of eating disorders

If I don't reblog posts that cross my dash about fatphobia, diet culture, etc or make them myself even with my experiences with it, it's not because I don't care or am fatphobic it's because I used to suffer from an eating disorder and every time I see one of those it carries like a 10% chance of just yeeting me back into all those old behaviors.

Like, it's the "people are going to judge you for how you look, people hate how you look, you don't want to be seen as disgusting, do you?" that really gets me. Even if my body is "healthy" (weight wise lol, I'm chronically ill so it never will be completely) even if it is "healthy" according to that BS system of BMI. Even if I know I'm not overweight, it is Incredibly Hard to stop those thoughts. Thinking about fatphobia for me is inherently tied to thinking about beauty standards, and the idea that if I don't carefully restrict my weight, I won't fit them, and I will be seen as hideous and disgusting and no one will like me and I won't even be able to like myself, so on.

Yes I know I have thin privilege, I'm not denying that that's a thing, but I am also not immune to all of this, and I also have my issues with it. I'm not going to explain my perfect storm of mental illnesses and traumatic experiences that contribute to my body being a thing I need to control and not part of me, to my proneness towards obsessive thoughts about the things I fear, mainly being hated, or that facilitate the ease with which I slip into self-harming patterns like depriving myself of food or sleep or anything else. I will explain that I was a teenager when I fell into my ED, and I can't even remember which year it really got bad because so much of that time is blurry, but I was a kid. The time people are most susceptible to developing eating disorders. The time when it's expected that you'll hate your body, and it's treated as okay and normal. We live in a society where hating yourself is what you're expected to do, at least for a couple of years. I was just as vulnerable as everyone else.

The only times I make posts about fatphobia and our horrible diet-culture are fueled by the painful rage of coming off of a relapse, where I feel compelled to express my anger at this whole weight loss culture luring me into so much pain again, where I desperately want to dissuade anyone else from falling into it. I want everyone to know what the facts are, and those facts are that not fitting the skinny ideal does not make you less healthy, in fact, statistically, it makes you MORE healthy, nor does it make you ugly. You should learn to love or at least not hate your body and for the love of anything you should not starve it.

I've experienced enough hunger pains and self-hate in my lifetime, I simply CANNOT spend all my energy and thoughts thinking about things that I KNOW will trigger me right back into my ED.

(Thinking of this bc a lot of posts like that are crossing my dash rn, and I know people will think I'm a bad person if I'm not reblogging any.)

(Also, I've had to try really hard to not fall back into it bc of other factors in my life rn and I swear I am so fucking close to my absolute limit I'm gonna tear someone apart. So rage may be coming a bit early)