#again its ok i don't want to be any more vulnerable than this

[jadetheblade4]

I really shouldn't have said anything im not that good at. Speaking. Whatever ill get over it.

[mistresscitrusslice]

The Season 2 Opening. We Must Discuss.

First of all, small beans. Instead of static, lifeless statues, this time we get moving humans. Mel features significantly more than I expected, so she'll probably be a much more major character than I expected for a non-champion character and I'm so happy for her. I believe the use of moving people instead of statues signifies that immense change will be happening. What we thought was literally set in stone in Season 1 will be turned on its head in Season 2.

Okay, on to the really concerning matters.

Yuhuh. Jinx moves too fast for me to get a good screenshot, but she gestures like this around her face a lot. I think we all already know about the Caitlyn-Jinx parallels, but my sister suggests it could be a red herring for the actual resemblances she has to Silco.

Sis gets credit for the following observation, but Caitlyn's daydream sequences about shooting Jinx are controlled and clearly separated from reality unlike Jinx's.

However, sis has not seen ep 2 yet, where Caitlyn does have that moment in the arcade where she shoots her vision of Jinx among the wooden dummies. Not only does this more closely resemble Jinx's hallucinations, it also parallels Jinx shooting the harmless crow in s1 e5. By the time the strike squad are about to leave, she can clearly tell that what she thought might be Jinx was really just a harmless wooden standee. Startling, but harmless. She shoots it anyway.

Caitlyn is totally gonna spiral more, and maybe she'll start losing her grip on reality too, but for now, she has more in common with Silco than she does with Jinx. Did anyone else get reminded of Silco's coat when Ambessa put the supervillain cape on Caitlyn? The collars don't look similar but they still eerily resemble each other, you get me?

Ok back to intro stuff

Vi wipes off her name from her face. That's two tattoos that are rendered impermanent in this opening theme. In the Fenty x Arcane video, they mention that Mel's golden freckles are tattoos. Later in the intro song, we also see her golden freckles gone. Change, impermanence. That seems to be a theme here.

Vi is literally erasing her name from her face. In any normal circumstance, I'd say that means she wants a change of identity, a desire to start over. However, I know that Vi's League lore involves amnesia. Does she really drink herself into that bad of a stupor? Jkjk. I assumed that her amnesia was replaced by the Stillwater imprisonment to explain how she got topside and with the enforcers, but perhaps I was wrong. Maybe they do still intend to go the amnesia or partial amnesia route with her.

The teasers implied that Vi shares the genetic trait that has Jinx predisposed to hallucinations. It's possible that this eventually contributes to her loss of memory, but I wouldn't call it quite yet. However, if this happens during her emo era when I'm assuming she has no support system, she'll be very vulnerable, unlike if it were to happen while she was still partnered with Caitlyn, in which case they could easily fill in most blanks in her memory.

I have no idea what to make of this. It's clear as day what they're paralleling, but why? Why the flashlight scene? My best guess is that they're trying to draw on déjà vu, implying a repetition of history, but why this particular moment? They could've easily chosen anything else in Jayce's s1 arc. He has many more memorable moments than this. Let's see, I'm literally making this up as I go.

This meeting was a pivotal moment for Jayce. Both his meeting with Viktor and his meeting with Mel changed his fate. The Viktor one is pretty self-explanatory, but without meeting Mel, they would've both just gotten exiled or locked up again. With Mel, they had someone in power who could vouch for them.

That begs the question, is Jayce meeting someone new? Or is this a reintroduction to someone he's already known before, a new meeting after a long time apart or after a significant change, maybe a change in them both. I believe it must be someone who was involved in the original hallway scene.

Jayce is either looking at Mel again or at Viktor. Given the amount of Viktor/Mel parallels in Season 1, I believe Jayce is looking at Viktor after he's undergone his likely final evolution. That'll obviously be another pivotal moment for him... but will it be a good one like it was with Mel? Viktor has power now. He's performing miracles. He's, like, two steps away from parting the Pilt River like it's the Red Sea. He seems to hold a grudge against Jayce, though, for *checks notes* saving his life? Jk I know he feels like he's losing autonomy and like Jayce didn't respect his wishes with the Hexcore and Jayce obviously couldn't let Viktor die when he'd fought so hard to stay alive before.

Anyway, I feel like this could easily be both a good omen and a bad omen for Jayce. More than anything, I feel like it'll be an epiphany. He is quite literally seeing the light. The light at the end of the dark tunnel? The light of the heavens at the end of his life? The light of a revelation sent by a god he once knew as a man?

Seeing Mel screaming bloody murder during the opening, this was the first place my mind went to. The pose doesn't match up exactly, and Jinx/Powder's screams are definitely wilder, but I feel like there's definitely something here. Is there anyone else who screams like this, thrusting their head forward and keeping their arms back?

We also see the shadow hands from this earlier shot:

I'm thinking of the Black Rose (is that their name?) kidnapping her in thin air, incorporeal hands reaching at her and snatching my joy the love of my life Mel away. It could also represent people grasping at the power Mel wields, both as the wealthiest Council member and as a Noxian princess, one of the closest people to Ambessa, the one wielding the most power right now.

Mel is really out of her depth right now. Her power and influence is up for grabs if she dares to blink and let her guard down. I'm also surprised that we don't see her fight back at all when there's danger around. I thought she might have more battle experience as she was raised by Ambessa. For those people wondering about her magical powers, I think she would've used them by now if she had them. Council attack aside, which could've been Viktor's magic, she wasn't able to do anything about the memorial attack or her own kidnapping. I think they're trying to show us that Mel is not as untouchable as she presents herself. Under the right circumstances, she's just as vulnerable as any civilian.

The sliver of light? My sister pointed out that it looks just like the crack of light between two double doors. Almost closed... or barely open? It appears in pretty much everyone's shot in the opening, but it's right down the center of Mel's face here. Is she torn between two sides? Is this about an impossible choice she has to make?

The spotlight is also on her. That's two sources of light. It looks like a red sun. All eyes on her as the surviving voice of the Council?

And her expression... shock, fear, horror. The heavy breathing, the look on her face... I feel eerily like I've seen it on someone else before. I can't place who, but I'm getting déjà vu from this. Does anyone else recognize this expression and these mannerisms?

[thir10th]

hey lovely! can I request a fic where r is feeling insecure with her body lately and emily shows how beautiful she is? fluff w some smut if you feel comfortable :)

Hi anon! your timing couldn't be better. This has been sitting on my drafts for weeks, i kinda hated it, but you just gave me an excuse to get back to it, so thank you for that and for requesting! Hope you like it <3

will you? - Emily Prentiss x fem!reader

summary: see the ask. I changed it a bit but the main idea is still there tw: insecure reader, face-sitting, oral sex, body image, tiny bit of angst (blink and you miss it) a/n: this one might be a bit messy but i still enjoyed writing it! like & reblog <3

You throw your bag far away when you enter the hotel room. This case was getting hard, nothing was making sense, and you had been working for the past 14 hours none stop.

You need to ether sleep, eat something, a shower, or an orgasm. Or maybe all of them

but that isn't an option right now, because you're mad at her.

You aren't even sure why you had gotten so upset about it, its not like she had actually done anything, but you were still annoyed.

You were actually mad at yourself, more than at your girlfriend, but her words still resonating on your head wouldn't go away.

Emily's arms wrapping around your waist make you jump, getting you out of your thoughts.

Hugging you from behind, she rests her face on your shoulder, you feel her warm breath on your neck, she kisses your cheek lovingly.

Her arms leave your waist to reach your shoulders, her hands massage your arms which makes you close your eyes in pleasure, relying on her touch. Maybe staying mad wasn't that worth it.

"You know what i think you need?" she moves a strand of hair to kiss the curve of your neck "mh- what?" you say, a smile of pleasure starting to form on your lips

"I think you know what" she answers, you can feel her smile against your skin, her teeth brushing against your shoulder, and then you realize what she has in mind

"No, no, Em, absolutely not" You refuse, pulling away from her touch, turning around to look at her, crossing your arms.

"ugh i can't believe you're still thinking about it, after this morning" there it is, you are pushing her away again.

Why is she so insistent though, why can't she just read your mind and understand?

"Ok, ok I'm sorry, I just don't understand. You're always so open to trying new stuff, and that, just... i don't know, baby, i just want to know why you don't want it, that's all" She says, her hand reaching to rest on your arm to comfort you.

You just can't tell her, you're too ashamed. That same morning your girlfriend had suggested you tried something new in bed. She had asked you, boldly, (like she always did) to sit on her face.

She had insisted so much, you had denied every time.

Really, what was there to hate? your beautiful girlfriend was literally asking you to fuck her face, to eat you out, to give you full control. But you just couldn't do it.

"c'mon, baby, i just want to understand" she is being gentle, using her persuasion skills on you, calling you by the special pet name that would only come out in moments of special intimacy or vulnerability

She knows how to get to you, and that only makes you angrier.

You take her hand off your arm, getting yourself away from her, you need to be alone.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, try to keep it in your pants while i'm gone, all right?" you spit at her, and seeing her mouth-opened expression, you regret it inmidiately.

Standing under the warm stream of water helps you get your mind off of things for a while, while you wander what's exactly got you all worked up like this.

Emily doesn't deserve any of this, she had been nothing but sweet. Yes, she has been insistent about it, but that doesn't mean she had to be hit in the face with your own insecurities.

Getting out of the shower you stare at your reflection on the bathroom mirror. God, you hate how it makes you feel, but what you hate the most is how you're paying your own frustrations with your girlfriend.

Wrapped in a bathrobe, you get out, ready to face an angry Emily, instead she lays on the bed, already on her sleep clothes, reading with her book resting on her knees

"Em?" you try, she looks at you from over her book, then gets back to reading

"You're not gonna talk to me?" you ask

"whenever you're ready to actually talk to me, then I will. I'll try to keep it in my pants in the meantime, though" she shoots back in a sarcastic tone.

She's right, you shouldn't have said that, it had been a low blow.

You sit beside her, taking the book from her hands and placing it on the nightstand. She looks at you with mixed anger and sadness.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, you know i didn't, this is just hard for me" you try to explain. "Look, I just don't think it's a good idea, alright?"

"I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable, but i want you to talk to me, i've been trying to get to you, and you just shut me out" she says, sitting upright on her spot on the bed, taking your hands on hers, looking you in the eyes

"it's just... i don't want to... hurt you" her mouth falls open once again "hurt me? that's what this is all about? baby c'mon, you won't hurt me, why do you say that?" her tone switches to full concern now, the previous argument already forgotten

"yes, i will, I will choke you with this big stupid things and you won't ever want to go down on me again" you finally let out

"well... I'll die a happy woman then" she chuckles, trying to downplay it

"Ok, baby, listen to me" she holds your face with both her hands, forcing you to look at her, the tenderness of her gaze deepening into you

"i love every part of you, even the ones you don't like, thighs included" she waits for an answer but you don't say anything.

Emily lifts your your chin with her finger, and leaves a soft peck on your lips, the contact makes you relax instantly

"you are smart" she says, leaving another soft kiss on your cheek

"and beautiful" now getting your other cheek

"and sexy" she kisses your nose this time

"and so, so hot" she moves back to kiss your lips again, and you chuckle nervously at her words

"what can i do to help you believe me?" you shake your head "let me bury myself into you, please" her pleading is getting too much, her thumb caresses your face so softly, so tenderly.

How could you deny her anything when she asks so sweetly? you finally nod, the huge smile spreading along her face

"Em, are you sure?” you ask, biting at your lip as you watch your girlfriend sit on the edge of the bed and recline back, laying face-up atop the covers with an eager grin spread across her face. “I might weigh too much…”

Emily raises her head up and shoots you a look. “Honey, I’m positive,” she says, trying to keep the whine out of her voice.

She wants you on her so badly she can barely stand it, eyes flickering between your face and the bathrobe that covers your thick, delectable thighs from view. 

A moment of deliberation passes, then, without another word, you reach down and untie the soft white hotel bathrobe, letting it slide down your arms to fall to the floor at your feet, leaving you completely naked in a matter of seconds

"fuck" you hear her mutter "you're so beautiful" Emily breathes

“Not as beautiful as you” you murmur as she clambers onto the bed.

You crawl up it until you are kneeling beside Emily's head, the mattress dipping slightly beneath your combined weight.

“Is it okay if I…?”

“Yes.” her decisiveness tells you she wasn't joking, she does want this more than you had thought

You take a deep breath in and then lift a leg, swinging it over Emily and settling it on the other side of her head so that you are straddling her, your cunt hovering mere inches over Emily's mouth.

"Promise me you will tell me if i'm too heavy, or if you can't breath" too excited to resist, Emily reaches up to thumb at your clit. 

“I will” she says, sliding her free hand along your thigh, rubbing comforting circles into the soft skin.

“I promise you i will tap you twice, but i won't need it" she reassures. "You’re gorgeous—fuck, I wanna taste you so bad.”

Cautiously, you lowered yourself down enough that your near-dripping pussy was just barely pressing against Emily’s face.

You were planning to keep as still as possible in order to resist the urge to squeeze your thighs around Emily or put too much weight on her, but that idea flew out the window almost immediately after her tongue darted out, flattening itself against the lips of your pussy before dragging upward and settling at the soft nub of your clit. 

“Oh,” you gasp, giving a shuddery little jerk of your hips before you can stop yourself.

Emily moans in reply, the sound vibrating against your walls and causes you to whimper again. 

Her tongue flicks out, circling your clit and applying occasional pressure, whilst two fingers push inside you, crook and rubbing at your sennsitive inner walls.

You shudder and gasp, quickly losing yourself to the feeling.

“Oh, fuck, Emily,” you gasp out, finally giving in to the temptation to reach down and fist her hand into her silky hair.

Your girlfriend lets out another appreciative moan when you give it a rough tug, the vibrations making every feeling intensify.

Losing yourself to the pleasure, you rock your hips against Emily, knees pressing hard into the mattress. She has always been an expert on driving you wild like this.

Her nose rubbing right at your clit and you couldn’t help but moan, gripping tighter on the headboard. God, she has the perfect nose for this.

Emily’s mouth wrap around you, tongue sinking into your pussy as far as she can while she sucks at you, eagerly lapping your juices into her mouth.

Her hands groped at your ass, encouraging you to roll your hips, effectively riding her face.

She keeps up the pace, mouthing desperately at your clit until you can feel yourself letting go.

Hips stuttering and then stalling. Your thighs shook up, inner walls spasming around Emily’s fingers as you fall over the edge and into bliss.

“Oh fuck! Fuck, Em...” You breath out, your chest heaving as you very slowly open your eyes, coming down to earth as Emily leaves little kitten licks on your cunt, sucking up as much of your juices as she could.

Your body shudders when her nose brushes against you again, this time an accident and she chuckles softly, helping you swing your leg over her and drop onto the bed beside her.

Emily stays put, lying face-up as she catches her breath. Then, once she feels able to, she rolls onto her side and grins at you.

"good?" she asks, her fingers softly playing with your hair

"absolutely perfect" You reply with a dreamy smile, pulling her to you for a kiss. You can't help but moan into her mouth at the taste of yourself on her tongue.

"I'm really sorry of what i said, Em" you said, keeping you face close to hers, holding her

"It's ok, I know you were upset. I just want you to know that i love every single part of your body, no exceptions" you kiss her sweetly, her words causing a warm feeling to spread on your stomach

"you're perfect" you say, pulling her in for another kiss

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Hope you like it! reqs are still open!

[sideprince]

I've seen the same post a hundred times now. Sometimes it's a few days old, sometimes it's from years ago, but it's always the same. Some anti posts about how they don't understand how anyone can like Snape because he was so awful, and then there's a long reply that goes something like, "imagine this happens to you, and then this, and then this" to describe Snape's experience. Sometimes there's some James Potter hate thrown in.

Look. You can go through describing a character's entire experience but you don't really need to. Here's the thing that antis don't understand:

For all her faults (and they're big, bigoted ones) Rowling understood a really integral part of the human experience and conveyed it through Snape. Everyone needs love and to feel accepted. It's that simple. Snape became a Death Eater to seek acceptance (Rowling has confirmed this, though I can't remember the source - whoever wants to add it please do), because it was the only way he could find any.

Snape's understanding of morality, like everyone's, is subjective. Some readers understand this and some don't. When faced against a morality that says there is good and bad in the world, everyone makes choices based on their personal experience. Context is everything. Someone who experiences pain and suffering will not see the person inflicting it on them as moral. That's it. 'How can this person be good when they caused me so much suffering?' = human psychology. Most of the people who think 'I'm a bad person and deserve this' have been gaslit and abused into thinking so, because it's not a natural reaction - it's one that has to often be socialized into someone at a young age, exactly because it's not natural. Everyone is the hero of their own story; no one sees themselves as a villain, because they see the valid aspects of their own perspective.

You can write essays on how vulnerable people needing acceptance is what cults and fascists exploit to recruit vulnerable people, or on how the standard anti's un-nuanced reading of Snape both ignores canon and displays a disturbing lack of empathy or compassion, but at its core it just boils down to context. From Snape's perspective he experienced cruelty, therefore the people inflicting it must be cruel. Again, it's that simple. He was a person, like any other, except he was fictional so he wasn't even real. On the flip side is James Potter, who, for all his faults, didn't get to live long enough to get a chance to change and grow unlike Snape, and I think the Snapedom also needs to acknowledge that.

They're fictional characters representing things an author wants to say, not sports teams, not martyrs, and not all good or all bad emblems that define your identity depending on how you feel about them. It's depressing how much time is wasted arguing with bullies and trolls whether from the Marauders fandom or just random antis. I literally can't find more than three blogs to follow without this argument coming across my feed daily. I know the Snapedom is Not OK™ and that's kind why we're all here, and I know that my take is super unpopular but like Snape, I don't care what others think: this fandom has been having the exact same argument for years and nothing has changed. There's fanart and meta and fic and so much content out there appreciating this character, you're not going to change an anti's mind who's deliberately trolling in the tags, so why are you trying? What are you getting out of it? What does it give you? It's exhausting just scrolling past it.

[crushedsweets]

hey sucker! 😋😋

what would the creeps do for valentine’s day?

like yknow, would some be given small treats or do others treat it like a regular day?

happy belated valentines day! hope you guys had fun and shared some love with everyone around you! this is the closest youre gonna get to x reader content from me.

AGAIN THIS IS SET IN MY AU!!! MY AU IS PRETTY DETAILED AND HAS AN OVERARCHING STORYLINE WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDSHIPS, SETTINGS, JOBS, CHARACTER ARCS AND WHATNOT....... so :3 yeah.

Tim and Brian probably don't do much. They'll totally grab some chocolates/candy and eat it, but just cuz its there, not as a gift. if they had a partner, they'd just go get some dinner.. flowers, basic stuff. put on an unironed button up and pick their partner up LOL.

toby might do something depending on where he is in the story. early on, he is not doing SHIIIIT. deep into his friendship with nina(who opens up a lot of his emotional vulnerabilities n stuff), he might feel a little inclined to pick up some flowers for some of the girls in his life (nina, clocky, kate, lazari) just cuz he used to do something small for his sister/mom when he was younger (cuz frank never did shit). if he had a partner, he'd def wanna do jewelry and classic flowers. he likes necklaces and rings and piercings and stuff, doesnt wear them much cuz they get in the way, but likes seeing people wear stuff he got. he's the type to make them turn around so he could put the necklace on them, but if they even slightly laugh at him trying to be sweet, he's getting mad HAHA. "ok nevermind im returning this you fucking suck" (jokingly.. but he is embarrassed). would just wanna stay home though, no nights out or anything

clocky would paint stuff. she'd give nina a portrait of herself cuz nina loooves being someone's muse, do some nice art of forest creatures and leave some notes for toby. she'd feel pretty awkward about it just cuz even when she was with her highschool boyfriend, she wasn't good at giving or receiving affection. if she's gifted any flowers (which she will be getting), she's absolutely pressing them and either sealing them in some paintings, or putting it in frames that hold her old art/art she picked up at thrifts. if she had a partner, she'd obviously paint them or something. i could see her spending a long time working through a journal to gift them, making every 3 pages a painting, drawing, or journal entry expressing something. "today you and i went to get lunch. i think the place was way too expensive, but you liked it." and then empty pages for her partner to fill in with whatever they want.

nina. ok come on. lets be serious. its nina. she's gonna buy everyone(as in toby, clocky, kate, jane, liu) one expensive gift (cologne, watches, shoes, jewelry, makeup) and then throw together mini bouquets, notes, and probably shop lift other smaller stuff cuz 'IM BROKE I SPENT TOO MUCH I HAVE TO' LOLLL.. she's the type to literally decorate her house for it, putting up some of clocky's more romantic paintings (cuz she has a collection of clocky's work), setting out heart-shaped coasters, bringing out heart shaped pillows.... honestly she probably already had those.... she'd absolutely plan galentines dinner for her friends, bake cookies, everything. if she had a partner, it would be really similar. she likes to spoil people, gift giving and acts of service are her ways of showing love - buuuut she does want to be spoiled in return, so physical affection and quality time is what she wants to receive. she wants to be treated like a princess, be picked up, have her doors opened for her, told she looks beautiful, etc.

jack is even less likely to do something than toby. before the sacrifice, he'd grab a cheap bag of individually wrapped chocolates and give them to people he knew around campus. i could see him buying the same chocolates and leaving it in his cabin. telling whoever visits him to take some. nina would leave him some flowers too(say its also from toby) and he'd be really grateful, cuz she'd be very sure to get him whatever he thinks smells the nice. that way he can still appreciate it. if he had a partner, YOU KNOW HE'S COOKING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DINNER AT HOME. he's cleaning up, very awkwardly trying to dress nice. black button up, slacks, slick his hair back(or he'd just do whatever his partner says looks best, not too concerned with his own preference). he'd feel sooo fucking embarrassed and very nervous but he just wants to make it special. he'd write a long love letter, too

jeff isnt doing shit for anyone. he'll go steal some chocolate and mind his own business. if he had a partner, one that he ACTUALLY loved and wanted to keep around. maybe he'd pick up some flowers and chocolate, mainly cuz he knows thats the bare minimum sort of gift. he'd let them demand that day from him, which takes a LOT for him to let anyone feel entitled to HIS time. if he knows they have higher expectations (dinner, a letter, etc) he'd probably bitch and moan and be like "ugh you already know im into you why do i gotta do this shit" but if theyre serious, he'd probably do it. half assed though...

kates also not doing anything unprompted. she wouldnt even know the day is coming around. her only memories of valentines day would be passing out some candy and cards around class in elementary school, but once she was in the forest, nobody gave HER shit. she might pick some flowers and wrap it in some paper for people , but ONLY if she KNOWS they're getting something for her. like, she'd pick nina some flowers cuz she knows ninas doing something regardless, but she wouldnt get toby anything cuz she wouldnt have expected it from him. then shed feel bad. if she had a partner, again it'd be similar. she KNOWS she needs to put in the effort, but she doesnt exactly have the resources... the farm does pay her some cash since she works with the animals, but she mostly just gives it straight to toby so he can buy stuff for the cabin. but she'd keep it this time around, and quietly ask toby if he could come with her to get some stuff for them. some sweets, a necklace, scribble out a little letter. smth sweet.

janes married. and she goes all out of her wife. buys her like a 3dozen bouquet of red roses, sets reservations at nice restaurants, makes mary breakfast the morning of. all of that. i dont even know how to go into detail on this because thats just how it is for her, theres not some turmoil for her to work through. she'd also start getting sally some stuff. plushies holding hearts, balloons, sweet things like that. if she had a partner...WELL SHE ALREADY DOES!!!!

if liu knows nina is going to gift him something expensive, he's doing the same. he's going to grab her flowers and maybe some shoes or something he knows she's had her eye on. he wouldn't be really subtle about it, just text her "whats on your wishlist right now" LOLLL... he just appreciates nina's presence (after they get over the jeff situation) and likes having a little sister to spoil. he'd probably send jane a bouquet of flowers with a thank you note, since jane did a lot for him. if he had a partner, it would also be very stereotypical. date plans, picking them up, flowers, etc. he'd LOOOOVE to make one of those big baskets filled to the brim with random shit. would wanna come home and draw a nice bubble bath and have some wine. stuff like that in general...

ben, lulu, ann, and dina wouldnt do anything and wouldnt get a partner. lazari would draw some pictures for her friends! sally will draw something for jane and mary

[radishaur]

𖦹 relationship dynamics 𖦹

Warnings: vague mentions of Sabaody & Marineford for Luffy and Thriller Bark for Zoro but nothing actually gets spoiled Genre: fluff/character study Characters: Luffy, Zoro, & Law Summary: A deep dive into the unique reader personality and relationship dynamic between each one and their respective one piece man. Author's Note: This has been in the works for a while so hopefully this adds some clarity to the way I view each reader and their relationship with their man! Hopefully, it points out some of the larger themes I try to keep between each part. My aim was to address my own personal breakdowns of each One Piece guy, the reader, and their dynamic, so please enjoy! masterlist

For this relationship, I think that it runs on freedom. Luffy is driven by nothing more than his own whims and determinations, which includes his want to have an amazing adventure. Having a partner who not only shares that journey with him but enjoys it, even seeks it out themselves, would make all the difference.

Luffy's reader in this series is someone with a strong sense of self. I imagine they have a goal, much like the rest of the Strawhats, but they're also ok with taking the long road. They know what they want, but they're here for the adventure and that's half of the fun. They engage in Luffy's silly antics and they always laugh at his jokes. How could you not, when he's laughing at them himself? They're strong, but they also place complete faith in Luffy's ability to protect, which I think is another huge thing for him. He's so intent on making sure nothing like Sabaody or Marineford ever happens again so having a partner that believes wholeheartedly in his ability to do that would mean a lot to him.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't think Luffy can never sit still although I think normally he would always rather be doing something. But, I think the quiet moments of solitude the two spend together and the intimate understanding they have of each others more hidden whims or secrets thrives in those moments. They can fully be themselves with no worry of judgment or awkwardness. Lastly, I think that the reader realizes their feelings first but Luffy certainly makes up for lost time with his enthusiasm.

This is a relationship built on a shared joy for life and its adventures, on complete understanding and support, and that's why it works.

A relationship with Zoro is one that functions on stability and routine. Zoro is resolutely dedicated to his goal and he wouldn't want a partner that would get in his way. This reader is someone who feels the same way about their goal, and their shared passion and dedication to their goals is what I imagine brings them together.

The reader in this story has a really forward personality. Zoro is a no-nonsense person, he doesn't play games when it comes to his words or actions, so he would need a partner who respects that and acts the same. That being said, the reader loves to tease him, sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. You can't really blame them with how flustered he gets. At the end of the day though, there's an implicit trust in their bond that I think their relationship is built on. Like captain like first mate, I think Zoro has a huge thing for protection. He views his role as the protector of not only his dream but his captain and the crew's, and we see this in Thriller Bark really clearly, so for Zoro to let his guard down is a big deal.

Scars on the back are a swordsman's shame and he is constantly looking behind him for any sign of trouble. Maybe he gets lost along the way, but he prides himself on protecting so for him to let you into his space, to let you touch him in his most vulnerable spaces, to share his time relaxing, it means everything. You both support each other's ambitions and dreams, but you also support each other's care and well-being. Lastly, I think that Zoro falls first but his denial is strong. At first, because he thinks it would be a distraction for his own goal and then, once he gets over that, because he thinks it would be a distraction from yours. Finally, he gets sick a tired of it playing tricks with his head and decides to come out with it, which is the best decision he's ever made.

This relationship is built on a deep respect of each others dreams and their drives to get there, but also on their constant care for one another and their wellbeing.

For almost all of these relationships, I think the reader's ability to really see their respective partner is what makes the relationship but I think for Law especially this is true. Law puts up a mask of indifference that is second to none, so a reader who can see past it, into the truth of who Law really is, is absolutely essential for this relationship.

The reader in this series is patient, which is a must when it comes to Law. They have their goals and dreams, but they're content to go on this journey and explore. They don't want to be a burden, mostly because they see how much weight Law takes up for himself. They're not necessarily quiet, but they're observant, picking up on the smaller details. They want to relieve some of that weight, make sure that everybody is having a good time, and that's especially true when it comes to Law. Law is stubborn and he doesn't let people in easily, so this reader is open for every way that he can't be. They speak their mind, they express their affection and admiration openly, because they can and they want to.

Law is the epitome of actions that speak louder than words. Verbal praise is scarce and he rarely ever says how he actually feels, but it is glaringly obvious in the way he acts. His choices are deliberate, his actions always filled with intent. He gets flustered easily by the way the reader so casually speaks their mind, but he enjoys it. There's no mind games there, no trick or betrayal lurking around the corner. It lets his mind relax for once and I think that really strengthens the relationship. Whether he wants it to be true or not, and trust me when I say that in the beginning he really didn't want it to be true, the reader relaxes him. He can be himself. Reader has seen him at his worst, most ugliest moments, and still chooses him over and over. Lastly, I think the reader absolutely fell first in this situation, but Law fell almost twice as hard. Law's devotion is a labor to obtain, but once it has been earned, it is fierce and eternal.

This is a relationship built on quiet understanding, compassion, and deep-rooted admiration, and it flourishes as a result.

ღ radishaur — i do not own any of these characters. do not plagiarize. please enjoy and remember to be respectful! 

[never-enough-novels]

Tgg review

SPOILER

Firstly hats off to jlb for writing another amazing motherfucking book cause WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ RJRJJEJRJRJRKKRKRKRKRKKRKRKRKRKEKEKMKRKDKEKRKDKEKE

Let's go one by one-

At first I must say I actually liked Brady more than Knox but then like what the fuck dude???? Are you fuckinh serious???

I absolutely loveeddddd gigi in the entire book and she's my pookie 🫶🫶 I was sooo mad that she got out of the game but then oh boy the ending cause what the fuck slate i knew you were bad BUT NOT THAT BAD IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER IMMA KILL EVERYONE IM NOT EVEN KIDDING

Lyra kane🛐🛐 no words at all cause I'm speechless when it comes to her. Her whole banter with grayson was >>>>> and holy shit respectfully I want her to step on me. The process of her relationship with grayson was amazing and I really hope to see more of her in the next book

Grayson

Davenport

Hawthorne

MY MAN BITCHES PLS HE WAS SO UNEXPECTED IN RHE BOOK CAUSE IVE NEVER SEEN HIM LIKE THIS AND ITS AMAZING ANDI HOPE TO SEE MORE OF HIM. I really liked how in this book he genuinely tried his best to be vulnerable amd it's gotta be hard when your whole life you have tried to only be a picture of perfection.

Savannah grayson and rohan

Ok listen people. I knew what was happening but I also didn't. But damn bro they're freaky af cause what the hell was that 😭😭 not that I'm complaining honestly I was kinda sad that savvanah was hurting this much and the fact that she still doesn't know the full truth. And I think we can agree on the fact that they are gonna be the main part of the divine rivals

And considering how close gigi and savannah were on tbh I don't like how their relationship deteriorated in this book.

Odette was just sus in the entire book bro cause how the fuck does she know literally everything that was happening???

Brady dude I just Hate you no words to that. I understand but still gigi was pookie up didn't have to hurt her like that

MY GIRL AVERY AND JAMESON DJDKJDJDJDNEJR THEY WERE SOOOO CUTE IN THE BOOK (Whatever we could see anyway)

I absolutely loveeeeee xander and gigi's relationship cause it's like sunshine friend with another sunshine

NASH AND LIBBY NASH AND LIBBY NASH AND LIBBY

Bro they had babies I'm soooo happy for them but i really wish we could see more of them😭😭 like we barely had them in tbh and then we get fed with barely any crumbles.

Ok I only wrote what I remember I'll read again and post more<333

[deltaruminations]

i thought this suspension of disbelief video by snarlinger was really cool. anyway here's a bunch of shit i wrote after watching it LOL

thinking on the topic of emotional investment as a point of vulnerability, as something a story could exploit, the entanglement of promises and contracts… the power struggle between gaster and the player is one of the more interesting aspects of deltarune to me because, in terms of coercive force, gaster is objectively less powerful than the player. gaster can present the contract, but he can't necessarily enforce it. the player can put down the game at any time and never pick it up again, and no amount of suspension of disbelief can convince the vast majority of players that he’ll actually hurt them over it. that's a step too far even for the most immersive of games. I think gaster knows this, and so he uses something else as leverage: our emotional attachment to deltarune's characters. he weaponizes our Connection. don't want to continue after a game over? he basically says, “ok, i can't stop you, but you should know that your friends in the game will be doomed to suffer in darkness unless you come back." you took their future into your hands the second you downloaded the program – so, is this the future you want for them? are they real to you, or not? do you love them less than you loved your friends in undertale? gaster promises a “survey,” then launches us into a game, then before we realize what's happened, the game has become a responsibility. for the player, the Promise to the in-universe characters and the Contract with gaster are one and the same.

one thing i wonder about with gaster is the degree to which he, himself, is the thing lying in wait, the predatory force, vs. how much he might be analogous to the audience in his relationship to deltarune's world: someone who has been drawn into a power struggle with its narrative and its mechanisms and is tormented by that struggle. gaster’s hope for a “NEW FUTURE” may be directly at odds with the intended “one ending” – a direct conflict between his power and his interests and those of the intended narrative or its creator. maybe gaster drags the player into this struggle because he thinks that's the only way that he can be free of it – gaster is bound by some Connection of his own, an investment in this world and its future; he can't rest until he sees the realization of that dream, and he can't realize that dream without the player's participation. like us, gaster isn't of the world, nor can he share in whatever better future he might want for it, yet he's nonetheless driven by a sentimentality for it that eats away at him from the inside. he's desperately committed to his belief in something that shouldn't be real: a meaningful change in a narrative that's only supposed to have one ending; a meaningful choice in a world where those aren't supposed to matter.

that said, i think there's something to the idea of deltarune having some force lurking in its darkest shadows, something that's desperate to be seen, believed in, and made “real” through belief – though I don't think it's gaster, and i’m not sure it's necessarily malevolent. consider some of the motivations that theorists often ascribe to gaster: a desire to be found, to be seen, to be restored to the narrative. in a way, gaster has already been “found” and “seen” – he's presented himself directly to us; and gaster already has something of a place in the story, if not within The Narrative. but isn't there someone else who's missing from the universe, who wants to return to it, and who might have little option but to cry out into the darkness and hope someone finds her? someone in just as eldritch a position as gaster’s, who is afraid and alone, demanding sympathy and aid, yet is lost in a mystery that threatens to ensnare and devour anyone who attempts to give it?

if gaster is in some way a mirror to the player, then he needs a motivation that reflects our own. our motivation is our Connection: our irrational love for characters that are intangible to us, who can never really be our friends, but who we promise to stand by regardless -- no matter how dark it gets, how deep we have to descend for them. dess has been described as “the gaster of deltarune” – and maybe she's the gaster to gaster himself, his mew under the truck, the secret alternate storyline he needs to unlock. the "NEW FUTURE" is one and the same with her future, a future that includes the endless potentials and cascading impacts of a life restored after being cut short. we answered his call -- did he answer hers?

let's say he did. if the player gives up on deltarune, then we break our “promise” to our friends in that world – we leave them alone to suffer in darkness. if gaster gives up on deltarune, then he breaks his promise to his friend – he leaves her alone to suffer in darkness – and without the player's cooperation, giving up will be the only option he has left. however far the player is willing to go to save their favorite characters -- will gaster go just as far to save his?

or to put it more metaphorically: is dess the angler fish's lure, and gaster simply a fish who was caught? is his Promise to her also a Contract with mystery itself? is he now feeding a hungry, mindless darkness, throwing himself, and the player, and kris, and anyone else he has to into the pit, all in his desperate belief in something that can't possibly be real: that if he can only sate the Depths, it will let her go free?

[the-genius-az]

One of the reason that makes me believe that azula would definitely not be the rapist type; is exactly that need of control, in the episode the beach azula at some point KNOWS that she doesn't know how to flirt, what she does? In the moment she can, she ask for help, she gets herself inform before trying again with chan, and even in her first attemp all she try to do is a verbal compliment, she fails horrendously, but didn't try some crazy move or something, she barely poke the guy with a stick metaphorically speaking.

Azula doesn't want to just do things, she wants to do things right (her own version of right, lets not forget she is not really a good samaritan), not anything less than perfect is in her character, is azula is going to have a couple she will be the perfect match then, she will be the greatest, the most, she gives her best even in small acomplisments.

It get to the point that azula doesn't go anywhere o do anything whithout a plan first, whithout information of any kind, even a little piece of it.

In a ground of no knowlege, azula, as any other person, get cautious, and maybe i dare to say a little nervous, thats why she is so painfully awkard in the escene, she has little to cero actual knowlege in anything related to couples, and instead of just demanding or use her power to get it, she actually try to make it happen in a more "natural" way.

Azula is not against the idea of love and be loved, in fact as any other she crave it, azula can deny it, of course she can! Of course she will! "Fear is the only reliable way" but yet in the moment she thought she had a chance took it.

In fact sometimes i believe that azula could be really vulnerable in this type of topics.

But well thats just what i think, i don't really want to set a huge debate or anything but a did want to share my mind in the topic, im sorry if we are making a huge mess of it... this can be sensible for some people, and for that im truly sorry, from know on i think we can just move on.

Its ok if you just read this, im not really expecting an answer, but by the way you blog is awesome, its even made me want to write and draw again, thank you <3

but by the way you blog is awesome, its even made me want to write and draw again, thank you <3

I love you.

[zerothakun]

Eassy on chapter 11 of AMFMN part 1 lol

it wasn't a joke guys(?

Just to clarified, don't take seriously this post I'm just being silly lol, also, my first language is not english so any mistake is cuz I'm not using translator this time o7

.

.

.

THE FIRST LINE. Ok so since chapter 8 I started to read the fic while playing empurple (the song I've been talking a lot, the comic, well, that) anD OH MY FUCKING GOD couldnt help remember the og mv of the song and I lost it in that moment

I won't shut up with this song, I mean, since the first time I listened it really catched me and after reading the lyrics a bunch of times it finally remind me of the EK arc, and then the fic lol

btw, I'll be trying to do some concept art for this post lmao

All the description of the void is GORGEOUS, it reminds me to a webtoon I read some time ago and in a certain scene a character was basically in the void and the only way I can described in drawings is like that webtoon, but in words, definitely like Isa did so ,10/10 to description.

All can I say is I KEW IT AAAAAAAA

I'm happy the endless endstone of chapter 3 is where he is (my storyboard is not wrong YIPEE) and of course he's chained omg.

again empurple had made me very delusional so in some point I was thinking if maybe he was chained or tied to something, maybe struggling with his ties and suffering innerly cuz EK and in some way I was right xdxd (I'll talk about that later)

The fact that we almost never had a vulnerability moment of q!phil? dude jus started crying when he didint find the eggs in the birdhouse and only cucurucho was there and he immediately knew it was a trap, but then he never let himself being emotional and is so q!phil the fact that he probably was crying A LOT when was literally in the void and totally alone, no one or nothing was there, like, the only one moment he let himself express those feelings was that AND THE WORST PART IS THAT. JUST HIM AND HIS FEELINGS, SELF LOATHING ENTER TO THE CHAT. Poor cubito o7

I really like those hc of immortals, like bbh cubito and foolish cubito BUT with phil cubito I think is different, in some way I do think he is older than them, like, if them have seen centuries, phil has seen the world ends a thounsand times, the depression of seen everyone dies. But well, today is not the day of talk of how old c!phil is lol.

My point is, he's always hopeless, he doesn't feel he's enough, even if he's the fucking angel of death. I mean, EK is scary but if he would've been more calm, probably the things never woukd've end up like this.

I LOVED this whole paragraph. Need to draw it.

Perfect.

AND HERE, MY FAVORITE PART OF THE CHAPTER, WTF WITH THE GAPPLE ADDICTION, REALLY

I have read about the gapple intoxication in other fics when the birdhouse plot was in its prime or even like a drugs but with the hallucinations thing, but this is now my favorite topic lol

Literally I was SPEECHLESS in this part (also, yeah, without context looks like smut LOL)

So, when I said empurple had me delusional I was talking of this part. Phil struggling with his ties(chains) cuz EK's doing(eating gapples)

AND GOD I NEED TO DRAW IT AAAAAAAAA Like, each step he does, he wants to fall on the sensation, I don't know why I figure him like covering his mouth with each contraction o ¿f hapinees and AAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK FUCK FUCK I NEED TO DRAW IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Unfortunately I have to do some stuf rn so I'll continue with the eassy later o7

[grahamcarmen]

Who said I love you first, and what were the circumstances leading up to it.

I think it would really be Gray who ends up saying I love you first!

He’s a lot more open with his praise and there’s more emphasis on his moments of his vulnerability in the show being out loud admissions but he hasn’t yet gone that full shove of admitting that he loves her! He more melts and exudes that fondness he has for her while trying to poke around if it's time for him to exit right.

It took a lot for him to admit his regret and he’s still holding back on offering his love because he doesn’t see it as something Carmen needs [she does you goofus!!!]

So I do like the way he being the one to affirm his love out loud helps both double down on the feelings he’s denying even himself. [SHE DOESN’T NEED ME???WHEN HE’S SO WORRRIED AND WANTS TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OK?? DUDE-]

I feel like it might be after a few REAL team red missions and him wondering if this place he has with Carmen is permanent or something he needs to move on from.

And especially if Carmen is leaning a bit more into the flirting they can’t help carry over from working together the other times with the newness of being on the same side but with closer dates and being to talk more over comms directly with lighter tones now that they can be fully honest with each other.

So him saying it is trying to make it clear that he has romantic feelings for her , to her and to him.

…so like lol i spent a lot of thought on WHY its him but how?? hm…

maybe one time after the mission, a walk with coffee and they just keep softly bantering, like really fond and cheesy just trying to one up each other before retreating into fond faces, just for Gray to say it with the softy face of his and wait for the answer.

Or would it be better in the team red building?

I feel like i would want it to be a softer circumstances in general vs angsty because i would want the answers to be free of any heightened outside influence to be as undistilled true as possible

Hmm but even a one to one real date i think might be much so that they can go more on how its not JUST that gray’s a soft flirt but that he likes her.  :( i don't want that to be undermined at all.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

So basically on one of their new real dates or a little bit afterwards one in the team red building with the circumstances just time nudging Gray to want to have something solid

Like he might even be offered an opportunity after he’s been settled into team red and either 

A]he wants it but doesn’t want to be left or leave carmen with loose end feelings without committing to what their relationship is [which might lead to him giving it up or accepting it but like idk depends on if said thing is a necessary thing/temporary/etc. But like >:0 together in the end !!]

B]he would want it but realized he didn’t want it more than being with carmen or even the thought of working apart again doesn't sit right anymore -> helps him realize why he wouldn’t want to leave is because he loves her and thus is urged to tell her

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

nanshe fest anon here, haha let me invent a callsign .... how about Rio :)

i totally relate to what you mean when you said you are not able to distinguish between the "lesbian" and bisexual experience shared in that interview. things like this hindered my ability to understand what my sexuality even was, since i cant relate to either of them. then i read "lesbian books" and dont understand how they can have sex with men without a mental breakdown. i had a mental breakdown about my sexuality when i was pressured to marry, tried DIY conversion therapy on myself but when i faced with the option of even touching a man sexually, death seemed better because how could i live like that? theres no way. of course this made my mental health worse but not to trauma dump - i am ok now, so dont worry.

the anon who talked about strap ons was also very insightful. the focus on strap-on contributed to me developing a severe sense of dysphoria around my genitalia with this depression that i would never be able to have a "real" sex life.

this is why it is so important for lesbian experiences to be heard, i think the queer spaces are making things worse for us, particularly when we are young and vulnerable. also i am from a non-english speaking country, where homosexuality is still criminal so i could only turn to these spaces for support. i think even in countries such as the US, its the same for a lot of lesbian girls in rural towns... they turn to these spaces for help online since its so scary to be a child in a violent homophobic family. maybe they get helped because its worse than nothing. but also it can screw with ur mind a lot. my dream lesbian event would be to hear from more lesbians of color who grew up outside west europe/us/canada... i had to leave my birth country to be able to have a future. but i feel so awkward to be the only lesbian of color in the room 99% of the time. its not that the white women are cruel, dont misunderstand me, they can be lovely and supportive. but it adds an extra level of alienation, because so many times in my country people would call homosexuality as a white persons invention. of course i know that lesbians exist elsewhere but it would be nice to see that in person at these events!

-rio

Hi again, Rio! :D

Yeah it's messed up that even in the "lesbian community" we think we're freaks so we don't even dare talking about our experience! I grew up in a small town and I remember discreetly reading sex ed books for teens at the bookshop for any info or positivity about lesbians, instead I would only find a paragraph telling me it's a phase. So tumblr was my lesbian safe space back in 2010, for example the "it gets better" campaign really helped me when I was bullied in high-school (unfortunately now that charity pretends they have no idea what a lesbian is...) Now the lesbian content is awful and lesbophobic everywhere, offline and online.

And I feel you about lesbian books, I finally got around to reading one I bought years ago because it was recommended to me and it was about two "lesbians" leaving their husbands for each other... We need book lists with actual lesbian rep!

All the strap-on stuff invading lesbian spaces is so weird yeah... A few minutes ago I clicked on a blog because she was talking about wanting to finger a woman while having acrylic nails, which made me go 🤨 and while she called herself a lesbian, it was obvious she wasn't, it was all talk about c*ckwarming and deepthr*ating ("but it's only for strap and girlc*ck, if you're a man do not interact!!!!" 🤪) I don't know if you had sex already but let me tell you that you are not lacking anything and no real lesbian will think you need a sex toy to be a complete partner and have real sex, she will only want you as you are. I mean, my ex-gf and I never even considered trying a strap-on and we definitely thought the sex we were having was real and amazing haha

About meeting lesbians of color, maybe you can find events on Instagram? I wondered why I never saw many women of color at lesbian events in Paris until I learned that black women preferred creating their own events and advertising them on Insta! Maybe you can also find an organization for LGBT refugees? Hopefully you can meet lesbians there :)

[robocop1906]

We are now living in a time where the village idiot is looked upon as the savior of our country. He's going to save the squirrels from the Liberal Animal Cops who will kick your door down to gain entry in order to assasinate your pet squirrel! Never mind that he has a problem with technical difficulties when it comes to a microphone and has to mime in a fellacious manner. His millions of followers think he's just a regular guy and it's alright to make fun of disabled people and mention to them that it would be Ok if bullets hit the Fake News instead of him. We are now in an alternate universe of thinking. All of this isn't making America Great. It's making America open to Russian Invasion.

#1. Is this a question or just your opinion?

#2. Unfortunately I also agree..we do seem to be living in a time where village idiots have much to large a platform. I believe I may differ as to we class a the village idots.

#3. The squirrel issue is just an illustration of a much larger problem. A State government that has issues with a squirrel kept as a pet( I do agree the guy should have gone through proper established regulatory channels to keep the animals) but not millions of illegal aliens committing crimes within its boundaries is my problem and if they overreact to a squirrel what's next???

#4. He who? Are your referencing President Trump?

- if so

a. I agree the imitation of the reporter was I'm very bad taste; he shouldn't have done that.

b. I would agree- I would rather a bullet hit anyone other than me or anyone I cared about...kinda feel that's a gimme there.

c. I am not familiar with the microphone reference so I can't comment on that one, sorry.

#5. I agree again; we are in an alternative universe of thinking. Again we may differ on the thought process. But I see things that used to commonly be looked down upon openly embraced, long standing values cast aside, love of country scorned, value of life disregard and yes , in my belief system, evil embraced as godliness...oh and tearing down statues is going to make whose life better????

#6. I fail to see how any of this would make America more vulnerable to invasion by a foreign country..... other than from my views where beta males and keyboard warriors who lack the internal fortitude and YES in some cases the actual BALLS...cause you may have heard it's almost stylish these days to have them cut off and sewn on your chest as tits.... where was I ..oh yeah- they lack the BALLS to stand up for their country, community, family and faith to risk their own lives. Maybe if we trusted adherence to some of our founding principles we could become better. Oh, and before some snippy latte drinking retard chides in saying something about racism and slavery were founding principles-- not everything from our history is/was prefect-- but if we tear down those trace reminders, fail to teach it , fail to be able to have civil discussions about them and by all means-- Learn from it so as to never repeat them -- we will be doomed to .

But that's just my old cynical Gene-X reading into what may have been a poorly formed question. And while I may agree Trump, if that is who you are referring to, since I don't think Biden even knows what a squirrel is these days and I believe Waltz would probably shit himself if he saw.one if real life, isn't a perfect man I do believe he actually loves this country, wants the best for it and is the best choice of what we have been given to choose from.

[del3141]

This is... an experiment of sorts. I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with Tumblr when all is said and done; it's a friendly and fun site, but this isn't a place where I've felt like it's OK or welcome to post personal things. But I'm going to give it a shot.

CW: Growing-up trauma, parent-induced trauma, misanthropy. Heavy things. Long post.

This is something like automatic writing that I'm trying to do here, only the spirit I'm trying to channel is my subconscious. I don't know what its thesis is. But it needs to get some things out that have been troubling it for a long long time, and I'm going to do what I can to aid the process along in the only way I remember how, by writing it down. It's been a long time since I've done this.

I used to write things down a lot more. I wrote in a LiveJournal back when that was a thing. I had a small core of people I knew online, and I wrote for them, but I also wrote a lot for myself. I never liked having a journal just for myself, but I liked being able to write in a place where other people I knew and liked could share their thoughts on the things that I thought about.

Unfortunately, what happened to that was my father found the journal, well after I moved out and cut off contact with him, and he used it to try to get back in contact with me. I friends-only locked my posts after that, every single one, manually, that was how much I did not want him to be part of my life anymore. I also left a comment on my journal explaining that I did this because I didn't want family reading my journal. For a while, things were okay. A few posts of mine I got some comments from folks asking to unlock them so they could share - simple stuff, the one I remember was about what I thought of 4th ed D&D, because apparently I described it pretty well - so I unlocked a few for sharing. My father jumped on those. After that, I ended the journal. It's still out there on LJ, but it hasn't been posted to, and it won't be posted to again.

That, plus seeing what some of the truly evil shit done to people I know online, by places that openly celebrate harming people for who or what they are, got me to close off my online presence for over a decade. It seemed better to be invisible than to be vulnerable.

-----

A year or so ago, I sent one last email to my mother, in response to her latest of many, many attempts to convert me back into evangelical Christianity and sell me on being a Republican because schools are grooming children and because she fears for my soul and also because tired party-of-lincoln bullshit. This is after they very honestly told me about their running interference for my stepbrother, who is now convicted of the kind of crimes my parents think LGBTQ+ people are committing. I told her not to contact me again. She has respected my wishes.

I've not sent the one last email to my father, because I am concerned that any contact with him whatsoever will be used as a means to get more information on how to *continue* contact. The best approach I have devised involving him is to be a black box - no information goes to him from me. He continues to attempt to reach me, either through new email addresses or through social media invites from any direction he can manage. He's made actionable threats to others, and he'd do the same to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I've severed contact with my family. It doesn't last. Mostly what I feel is anger towards them, for being what they were and are. So much of the cruelty in the world that I see is so tightly wrapped up with the culture of my parents that, when I see things in the world that are hateful and cruel, the reaction in the back of my mind is: These are the things that my parents are putting into the world, eagerly, enthusiastically, with the confidence that God is on their side, and there are millions upon millions more just like them, eager to see the world carved bloody until it fits their expectations.

What I feel more than anything is... surrounded. I've separated myself from the shitty place I came from, but that place is just a microcosm of the species. There are things that this species does that are profoundly alien to me, sometimes even hostile, things it does to others of its own kind that it's deemed "not like us". The best you can get from a relationship like that is polite, tense tolerance; if things go badly, you can expect violence, of one kind or another. It feels like there is no in-road to be part of these communities - you can be tolerated among them, but you won't be accepted, if your mind and your ideals don't conform to theirs. You are here, and they will let you be here, but you are not welcome, and they are keeping an eye on you for behaviour that they will scorn.

I've now spent nearly forty years in a world where I am not welcome. I've learned to put on a very convincing mask, and that's kept me relatively safe for a very long time. It also helps that I'm a cis white male previously in the USA and now in Canada, I've had a lot of easy coasting on that because it makes the mask more acceptable. It takes a lot out of me to keep the mask up. It still feels safer to be invisible, but you can't be in the world without being a part of it.

It's a bit like being a mouse, living in the walls, nibbling at the edges of the world and just trying not to get caught or trapped.

[system-of-a-feather]

Also a lil more elaboration on this post from the OG guy in the system who talks this shit but it's also important to know when adopting radical self acceptance is that being a fucking idiot and a coward and crap literally has no inherent "oh Im a good or bad or cool or lame" person on it's own

Literally everyone is stupid in their own way and literally everyone has the things they are scared to deal with and face from time to time. I'm a part very dissociated from the concept of fear and my brain converts it fast to other shit, but I do fear letting myself down - both as a part and as a part ofba system - and doing harm by the few I deeply respect; momentarily I am prone to being scared of having my shit taken - trauma crap

That shits literally normal, being scared of shit is literally a completely normal and natural thing across almost all animal species (some argue all). There is no personal judgement attached to literally any feeling on its own.

The difference is whether you can look at that feeling and say "damn I'm scared and that a sucks ass feeling" and actually accept, address and deal with that feeling - or if you are going to deny-deny-deny.

And that isn't to say "Oh you are a stupid coward for wanting to deny it" because again, it is OK to admit you are scared and not ready to deal with something. That takes huge fucking balls to admit. If you aren't ready to deal with it, cool man that's fine, but do take a moment to actually affirm that with yourself - that CURRENTLY in the moment you are not ready to deal with it.

That is not "running away from it like a coward" that is acknowledging the truth of your current state and leaving space for it.

If you can get comfortable admitting that you are too scared to do something right now, you are inherently - in subtext - letting yourself know that 1) you accept that you are scared and it is a real thing about you that you are willing to embrace but also 2) that as much as that is a truth of your current state, that it is just that - a current state.

There literally is no shame or inherent judgement to be found in a feeling alone. Feelings alone don't mean shit. Feelings alone LITERALLY don't mean SHIT. It's how you handle and act in regards to them both internallyvwith yourself and externally with others that determines if you are being cringe (derogatory) or cringe (affectionate) and sorry not sorry, every action you do there will be someone who thinks you are cringe so theres no escaping being cringe WHILE being your authentic self.

Anyways, building radical self acceptance is a hard thing to do so I got mad respects for anyone building it. Most of the system doesn't get it yet either and so I get how hard it is and all.

I actively basically bully and harrass Riku about it 24/7 7 days a week 52 weeks a year for the past 3 years until they get it into their dumb skull. And while I call them a fuckin dumbass, I am pretty proud of how casually and readily they have learned to admit when they are being "a coward" which is easier verbage for them than outright saying "scared" which I'll take.

But honestly, get in touch with your vulnerable "not cool" parts of yourself that you are embarrassed about and just get used to stating it as it is. Those vulnerable and embarrassing aspects are only as embarrassing and insecure as you let them be. If you hide them and try to keep people from seeing it, of course you are going to feel scared to let others see it, of course you are going to feel insecure, and of course you aren't going to be confident when anything relating that comes up out of fear of your insecurity showing.

It's self assassination honestly. Judging your emotions and internal experiences like they mean anything other than a reflection of your current self and what you need us just not productive.

But I digress. Its a complicated and difficult thing to build and work on and itll always be more nuanced and specific to the individual than I can ever chart out in a casual ramble on some of my life philosophies and principles on shit.

So take home message? Try to stop judging your feelings and just, ya know, have them. They may suck but its just how it is in the moment and the moment can always change.

[pynkhues]

I'm the G/A shipper lol. Thank you for ur answer!! I do think it would've taken Gregg and Annie more time to come together, and even if I get what you're saying, of it could be them regressing (going back to what they'd already done), it just seemed like it was made to be. Gregg also just didn't seem like he really loved Nancy, and Nancy deserved better.

I had a related question. Why do you think it was SO hard for G to come up with what he liked about Annie? Like I wrote in my original ask, I didn't buy it for a second, and while it seemed to say much more about G to me than G and A's connection, I still hated it. It just seemed to really brush off/completely take out meaning of G and A's connection like it didn't mean anything, which even if they betrayed Nancy, and were very immature about it (with again G deceiving his wife while they were trying to conceive???? NOT OK), they clearly had a real connection, and I do think had genuine feelings for each other. Not to mention their history. What's your take?

(x)

I agree that Greg never seems like he's really in love with Nancy, but I also think it's important to remember that we only ever truly see them as a couple through Annie's POV. We're actually robbed as viewers of moments of intimacy or connection between them because at the end of the day, Annie herself doesn't really want to see it.

I do think there's a fair speculation too that Greg probably wanted the opposite of Annie when their relationship imploded and so sought a person like Nancy as a sort of marker of an 'adult' relationship, which is especially interesting because I think the show does a good job of depicting Greg as pretty immature still himself. There is the sort of vibe that Nancy probably parents Greg a bit in that relationship, but for a man who became a father himself when he was a boy, it makes a lot of sense.

Which really comes to your question of why Greg couldn't come up with anything he liked about Annie when she asked. I totally agree with you that I think he could probably list a lot of things he liked about Annie, but I tend to think there are a few things at play.

Firstly, and funnily enough, if I were to compare Greg to other characters in the show, the one I tend to think he's most like is actually Beth. He maintains a performative life that it's clear he's not happy in, he tries to be a good father but doesn't always make it work, he's prone to being selfish, finds himself backsliding into a relationship he thinks he needs to move on from, and is overall reluctant to being vulnerable or emotionally available. That's Beth! And honestly, I think it makes sense for Annie to seek that in a man given her most formative relationship in life is with her sister. (It's why I'll forever be mad too that we never got any Beth + Greg scenes!)

Of course, Annie's not that much better - she deflects with humour and he lets her, but when she circles back to vulnerability, which she usually does, he can't bring himself to be open with her about his feelings which is I think clearest in their scene together in 1.09.

And then she deflects, again, with a joke.

I talk about it a lot in the context of Beth and Rio where I think the show does a really good job of depicting that some dynamics are really hard to change. Whether its Beth and Rio's inherit omissions of truth and their games, or hell, even Beth as the placating, mothering housewife and Dean as the philandering breadwinner, a dynamic established can sometimes feel like a dynamic immovable, and I do think a part of that is what's at fault with Annie and Greg. It's why they so often become kids when they're together again, but I think is also why the space to be honest and open with each other is often seen as a chance to joke or shrug off or make light of everything that was once, and still is, real between them.

It's not to say they don't feel it, or that they don't know. It's just easier to not say it and to not have to deal with the consequences of what it actually means.