#again im not really qualified to talk about this anyway and I admit that I very well could be wrong about this

[thorne1435]

You have a wildly Western view of the world. Rest assured, my dear, my people knew what male and female were before colonization. Get your head out of your white ass.

Dude I never fucking said that. I said that our ideas of masculine and feminine and thereby our concept of and gender roles for "Man" and "Woman" (within our western culture), were greatly influenced by, if not deliberately redesigned as, a justification for racism against African slaves.

I have gone to great lengths to reiterate the fact that sex and gender are not equivalent and yet 90% of the bad-faith interactions I'm getting from that post are dumbfuck TERFlets telling me how I need to go back to kindergarten because they can't read.

And like, sure, I guess I could say--just in case you're all completely brain dead--that I am well aware that the concepts of "man" and "woman" existed well before then in at least most cultures (though in at least a few cultures they didn't exist alone). But at the same time, cultural ideas of what makes a man or a woman differ wildly, and we have a lot of archaeological evidence to suggest that "adult human female" wasn't the "right answer". That's my point: there is no universally agreed upon, empirical definition for a woman. There isn't really one for female either I suppose, but there is at least a more consistent traditional definition. When (and not "if") that word gets redefined, it will likely be in and for academic contexts as we come to understand what human sex really is. Unfortunately, we can't cross that bridge or get to it while we lose our shit over whatever the fuck a woman is.

So just let it go. A woman is whatever you want it to be, because a woman isn't anything. Grow up.

[occult-roommates]

Lügner, Lügnerin

Back at Audrey’s place, Dawud brushed his teeth, as he was getting ready to go to bed. However, upon hearing his best friend cry in her bedroom, he had to make sure everything’s ok in there.

Audrey: I’m so scared, what if aliens literally don’t like me...Oh my god, what if aliens are racist? Dawud: Hey, don’t worry. One of my roommates is an alien and they’re very much in love with black Earthling women. Audrey: ...Dav...What are you even talking about?  Dawud: Look, Audrey, in theory I’m supposed to keep it a secret, but that’s the truth, and I’ve been wanting to tell you for months. One of my roommates is an alien, I am not joking. Their name is Kino Gurafee and- Audrey: Kino? Dawud, you’re making this up. It’s literally the German word for movie theater. Like, I remember back in high school we did a project for German class where had to talk about, and I still remember this sentence verbatim years later from how hard we memorized this project; der letzte Film den wir im Kino gesehen haben. In fact, Kino Gurafee sounds like a play on cinematography. Dawud: Why would I make a play on cinematography out of all the words on the planet? Audrey, if I was messing with you, I would have name the alien something like Diese Nawtz or Uar Mome. Audrey: I also remember while we were doing that project back that you got fixated on the word Kinematographie and would repeat it on loop for months on end.

Dawud had no memory of this category 5 echolalia event, but now that she mentions it, yeah, it did happen. Damn, that girl memory might actually be way too efficient for her own good. Anyway, he started arguing with her that no, he’s not lying, he does indeed live with an alien and then...she slapped him, out of nowhere.

Dawud: What the fuck Audrey! Audrey: Look, I might be an autistic girly girly girl, I might love pink and have an actual unicorn decal on my wall and be obsessed with aliens, but I’m still a grown ass woman. Don’t start telling me very obvious lie in order to make me feel better like you’d do to a child! Dawud: Alright! Yes, I’m lying! You’re happy now!

Well, he did not sound convincing at all. But instead of pissing off Audrey even more, it just made her regret slapping him, it was obvious enough he was hurt, not just physically but emotionally. 

Audrey: D-Dav I’m so sorry. Dawud: I’m so tired of lies. Like, earlier this month, I freaked out at Daniele and my pilot friend from work cause Dan told me he made out with him. And in hindsight I feel so stupid for not realizing it right away. It was so obviously fake. I hate lying actually, make me feel bad. Audrey: Wow, go tell that to your mother, who you pretended you were still in school for more than a year when in actuality for most of that time you were a depressed NEET sleeping on my couch. Dawud: Ok, yes that was messed up, but you thought I was happy and comfortable living a lie? In fact, while she knows the truth now, I’m pretty sure it strained our relationship by a lot, which really fucking hurt. She might never trust me ever again after that. Ever since, I try to be as honest as possible. Audrey: Thank god cause that whole alien roommate thing shows you’re a pretty bad liar actually when you’re in front of the person. At least you got away with lying to your mom by avoiding her for a whole 18 months. Dawud: I’m not even good in telling when people are lying. Like that whole body language thing sounds like bullshit honestly...That or I might be autistic too, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have enough traits to qualify, but I wonder pretty often. Audrey: I mean, I’ve been suspecting it too...And so does my mom...Your mom knows but she doesn’t believe it. Dawud: What?? Audrey: Yeah, back in 5th grade when I got diagnosed, my mom noticed you also fit a lot of the criteria, so she told your mom and she kinda denied it cause admitting it would “put your future in jeopardy”. Also it was around the time your father’s died so you were under a lot of stress already, and you were being bullied a lot to begin with. That would just have put even more weight on your shoulders. Dawud: I don’t even understand why I was being bullied so much back in elementary school! I mean, I don’t think it was that obvious I would grow up to be queer and I only got fat during puberty. Audrey: Well, you are from an Iraqi family and it was the 2000s...

Oh, ok that was a lot to take in on a Saturday morning at 4 am. Well, assuming he indeed is, that would...explain a lot. Yeah, getting diagnosed in 5th grade would have put a lot of weight on his shoulders, but so is being an undiagnosed adult who is trying to make it into this world as if nothing is wrong. Also, funny his mom didn’t want to get him diagnosed cause it would put his future in jeopardy, but in the end Audrey ended up a fine mostly functional adult and he’s just been all over the place in recent years...Sometime he wasn’t even all over the place, he was just straight up in a dark place.

Audrey: Though, let’s say, considering we’ve been the best of friends since kindergarten, I know it’s because we were next door neighbours and our parents were friends, but like...Ok, it’s ironic cause I’m about to use an idiom, but you know, birds of a feather fuck together. Dawud: ...Don’t you mean flock together??? Audrey: I mean...they can fuck too...If you know what I mean. Dawud: No, in fact I don’t.

Whelp, Audrey don’t know what she expected.

It all started because Audrey wanted to see a flying saucer, and now he’s finding out something new about himself. I mean, it’s not 100% confirmed, but it seems pretty likely. Much to process and think about as he’s trying to fall asleep at 4:30 in the morning.

Prev - Next

[trivia-bangtan]

after (jjk) - 006

pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes

warning: kinda fluff ig

authors note: sorry it’s short but it’s more of a filler 🤪 im trying to get back to writing:)

“what are you doing today?” jungkook asked as i was getting ready for the therapy session later that day.

“therapy, remember?” i chuckle, braiding my hair.

“obviously i meant after,” he laughs. i roll my eyes, shaking my head.

“obviously,” i chuckle.

“so, what are you doing AFTER therapy?” he giggles.

“coming home and sleeping. why?” i scoff, tying off the simple French braid. i pick up the phone and walked over to my bed, slipping on my black zip up that was probably two sizes too big, but offered succor consistently.

“how about, instead of that, you come with me,” jungkook says. i knew he was smiling, like he was proud of himself, which made me smile in return.

“care to elaborate more?” i said.

“ah, it has to be a surprise. but don’t worry, you’ll be safe with me,” he says. and now i know for a fact he is donning a shit eating grin.

“people who say that always say it before they lead others into their impending doom,” i chuckle, shaking my head.

“do you really think i would put you in harm's way?” he says, feigning hurt.

“i don’t know, considering last week you tried to push me into my neighbor's bush, i would say yes,” i tease. i heard him gasp dramatically which produced more fits of laughter.

“i told you, i was testing a theory! and i did try to warn you. how did i know you had weak reflexes?” jungkook huffed.

“kook, yelling gibberish isn’t much of a warning,” i say through my laughter. my laughter slowly dies when there’s silence on the other end.

“did you hang up on me?” i ask, laughing again.

“sorry, i was giggling like a school girl because of the nickname you gave me,” he openly admits. i chuckle in return and roll my eyes again.

“i feel like kook barely qualifies as a nickname,” i say.

“don’t you dare call me anything else. i will only answer to kook from now on,” jungkook huffs, eliciting more laughter.

“ah, but what if i wanted to call you something else?” i say, a teasing edge to my tone.

“l-like what?”

“i don’t know, i’ve always thought you looked like a cute little bunny. maybe bun? or maybe even baby boy, since you are younger than me,” i say, further teasing him.

“you’re teasing and it’s not fair because you know i have a fat crush on you,” jungkook whines. i snicker and lay back on my bed.

“anyways bun, i gotta get going but i’ll see you at the session,” i smile, my eyes jumping around to random objects in my room.

“you never answered my question,” he mumbles, a definite pout on his lips.

“yes jungkook, i will go out with you,” i chuckled.

“two things. one, i’m bun. two, this isn’t a date. trust me, i wanna plan our first date out beforehand,” he states proudly.

“how do you know i’d say yes to a date?” i chuckle. we both knew i was joking because of course i would say yes to the boy who started to burrow his way into my everyday thoughts.

“you said yes to hanging out with me today, didn’t you?” he smirks, causing me to roll my eyes for the umpteenth time during our conversation.

“goodbye jungkook.”

“that’s baby boy to you.”

-

the session seemed to go as it normally did. everyone talking about their week and what they did to self improve in some way. as usual, namjoon waited until the very end to bring me up to the front.

“uhm, hi again,” i awkwardly chuckle. this elicited the crowd to chuckle with me, jungkook and yoongi’s snickers louder than the rest. i glared over at them, shoving my hands into my pocket.

“i guess, this week was a bit of an eye opener. i spoke to a close friend… about.. ya know. and i guess it was the first time somebody told me about… about that night. it was weird, ya know. you would think after doing it so many times, anything to do with it would brush right off. but… this was different. the hurt in his voice. how prominent the memory was… i guess i never really thought about the idea of someone else holding onto that pain despite me letting go of it. it just gave me a lot to think about…” i trailed off, noticing how my gaze was locked on the floor as i recounted the memory that was still fresh of hobi crying to me about the thought of losing me. it’s been bugging me since he told me and i couldn’t figure out why. i had come to the conclusion that maybe sharing it would get it off my mind. and oddly enough, there was a little release of pressure off of my chest, that i could breathe a bit easier.

“wow, thank you so much yn for sharing that. and you’re right. in our time of agony, we convince ourselves that we’re the only ones who ever really feel that pain. but pain knows no bounds. and neither does love.”

[justoneday-namjoonii]

jk!mafia drabble #2 | it burns, doesn’t it?

⇁ [anon request]: Im a sucker for the petty angsttt, can you write more about JK & Jiyoon 👀 like, Y/N finds out more stuff about them. 👀👀 its all up to you, anything you write is a masterpiece💜

series: 18/? - It burns, doesn’t it? pairing: Jungkook x reader author’s note: this is a mess but enjoy! thank u for requesting, I got a little creative, I think my recent Taehyung obsession is showing 👀 lol warnings: idk what this is tbh lol, major manipulator themes, slut-shaming (idk kind of not sure if it qualifies but I thought I’d warn you anyway), speculated infidelity, might be triggering to some proceed with caution

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You sit across from him at the diner booth, eyes are narrowed at the scrambled eggs greasy bacon. You don't want it.

"Eat a little," Jungkook takes a bite of his bacon, "it's not bad."

"I'm good," You shake your head, insistent on satisfying yourself with the small bowl of grapes. He glances out of the window, not wanting to upset you today, he wants to start the day off right. He offered to take you out of the house for breakfast and you were fine with it. Maybe you two can finally go back to hw things used to be, when the love was young and sweet on the tongue. It’s still sweet, but it’s grown far more complex than what was initially expected. These days, trust is something you have to remind yourself that you need in order to make this work. It’s tough, but you’re trying.

What Taehyung said keeps coming to your mind. 

He is a lot of things, but he's not a liar.

***

You were in the garage trying to take the guns apart and put them back together. Jungkook showed you about five times before he left and made sure to take the bullets out so you could practice. You were laser-focused so you paid little attention to the person entering the garage.

"The slide is loose," The gun is lifted from your grasp swiftly, "and the barrel should be placed like this," 

Taehyung promptly puts your attempt to assemble the weapon to shame. When he places the gun on the table in front of you, it's apparent how much practice he's had doing this.

"If you tried to shoot that thing, it would blow your fucking face off." 

You lower your head, shy hands picking up the firearm to dismantle it again.

"So, you convinced your daddy to let you play with his toys," He mocks, plundering through the drawers on the walls, "you're moving up, Y/n."

"Piss off," You grimace, resisting the urge to throw something at him, "it's not like that."

"It's just you and me here, everyone else went out for the night, but they should be back soon," He pulls up a chair to your little table and your stomach turns at the proximity.

"Then why are you here? Where's Hoseok?" You remain focused, taking the gun apart with calculated movements. "Why aren’t you with him..."

"I had to come back to get this," He shows you a box but not the contents inside, "didn't think you were still here, Jungkook said you were gonna go with him."

You stare down at the dismantled gun and then up at him. He recently changed his hair, it's out of his face and lighter, making his appearance less ominous than before. But you know better, his looks can't change who he is or what he's done to you. Yet, you sit across from him, choosing not to judge him for his sins. You've killed before, out of defense but you still did it. You don't deserve to be here but grace precedes you somehow—you're grateful.

"Somehow we keep getting the house to ourselves," He sighs, taking out his phone to tap on it mindlessly, "gives me time to get to know you."

"You already know enough about me," You turn the gun on the table, trying to put it back together with the last few steps, "I don't know much about you though."

"You want to?" He crooks a brow.

"Why not? Might as well," You shrug, it couldn't hurt to hear more about who he is. Maybe you'll better understand why he is the way he is, "for one, how did you get into torture?"

He sighs, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I like to think of it as hands-on interrogation. I'm fascinated by the mind, how it can be manipulated to work against itself. I think it’s interesting to break someone down, to hear what I want to hear. If I do it right, they end up forming an attachment to me- Well, not me but to the persona that I choose to subdue them with, like you."

"I'm not attached to you," You frown, "you're mistaking be me being traumatized for submission..."

"It's the same to me, I get the result I want either way."

You are about halfway through assembling the gun but Taehyung suddenly takes it again, stirring frustration in your chest. You try to grab it back but he holds it out of your reach, "Give it back!-" 

"Ah, ah," He waits for you to sit back, "I know something that you don't know about Jungkook," He says that like a child, "do you want to know what it is?"

"What're you talking about?" 

"He and Jiyoon had a little run-in when you were gone, that night he was going through it. You've probably never seen him like that but it is a sight, I'll tell you that."

* * *

He moves his foot against yours, a grin on his lips that speak pages of what he’s thinking. 

"So, I wanted to talk to you, about something," You swallow, dropping the grape back in the bowl.

"About something," He repeats in a cute little mocking tone, "about what beautiful?"

"Did you ever, I don't know...Blackout when we were separated?" You know that sounded pretty vague but he knows what you mean.

"Blackout?" He tilts his head, mentally he rakes through the countless lonely nights. "I might have had too much to drink on some nights, maybe...Why?"

"Because that's the only reason you would touch Jiyoon again...You wouldn't actually do that if you were conscious. I heard you were seen with her..."

"Why are you talking about her?" He frowns, sitting back in the booth.

"Taehyung told me you were on a downward spiral one night and you didn't come back until the next morning, were you with her?..."

* * *

"You have to admit, you're not what anyone would have thought he'd end up with. Jiyoon literally sleeps around as apart-time job, she's good at it so I don't know how you could compete with that and win."

You feel like you're decreasing the more he talks. 

"He may not act like it now, but he was crazy about her years ago. I mean, she's beautiful, she worked for his lifestyle and they had a mutual understanding. When you came around, they had broken up with each other about a year prior, he got over her fast though."

“I know that..." You knew Jiyoon and Jungkook had a lot of history, but you made peace with it and you know he loves you. 

"I ran into her after that night, she said he acted like you two weren't together anymore. He let her have it like he used to," He looks up at you, waiting for you to look him in the eye but you seem to diminish in size while avoiding eye contact, "that's what she claims."

"What do you mean?" You press your lips in a flat line.

"You know what I mean," He jeers, swiping a tongue over his bottom lip. "unless you really are that innocent, which I don’t think you are."

"He wouldn’t do that..."  

"Well, it would make sense," He stands to his feet suddenly, gun still in hand as he paces around the table, "what did you expect? You were fucking with Jimin, it’s what you get."

"It wasn't like that!” You surprise yourself when your hear your raised tone of voice, “Jimin is a friend, that’s it, I wo"

"Maybe you were mad at Jungkook, and you might have just subconsciously tried to replace him. If you would lay down with Jimin, well I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted a piece of the others, that would be interesting," He is just being mean now, he knows that would never happen, not even if you wanted it, "or even me. You seem to drop everything for men who can protect you,"

"Shut up, you’re disgusting...I don’t want any of you like that. And even if I did, that part of my life is none of your fucking business.” You hiss, fists clenched tightly. “I wouldn’t do something like that/”

“Of course you haven’t done anything too crazy, what would Jungkook think about? If he still wanted you, he would probably take you in front of anyone he wanted just to prove a point-” 

You sling your hand across his face with enough force to leave it burning. His cheek is bright red and you’re fuming. You look him dead in the eyes, "Fuck you."

“Shit, Y/n,” He genuinely laughs, setting the gun on the table so he can hold his burning cheek. "Jungkook can go off and do whatever the hell he wants but you? You don't have that luxury, he leaves you here for me to play with, and this is how you treat me? isn’t that just sad?"

"Shut up!" You pick up the gun and before you know it you're throwing it and it misses his face by a centimetre. "I'm in a twisted situation and you make it a hundred times worse. You torment me knowing Jungkook cares about me, you want me to hate him. You want him to hate me. The same crap you tell me, you probably tell to him too." 

He takes a moment to think over his response before walking up to you slowly. Instinctively, you take a step back and stand firm.

"Ask him." He dares. "Ask Jungkook if he remembers what happened that night."

"I don't have to, I trust him." You want to disappear. You don’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth or yours.

"Okay, just know that I don’t blame you for wanting any other man...You were both lonely, Jungkook had his fair share fun while you were away too." 

He’s messing with your head, that’s all he’s ever done to you. 

Right?

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Do you have one with crippling depression yet? Like they stop eating, stop moving, always nearing tears but bottles them up, becomes emotionally numb, not really finding the joy in life in anyway? There’s nothing physical that caused it, it’s just isolation, loneliness, or guilty memories catching up with you. I’m uh, not doing so good right now and your writing is a really good pick-me-up. Can you write it? Please? It’s fine if it’s too triggering, I can understand. Have a good day, or night.

My inbox is always open my dude, and im more than thankfull for your words

(this will be about a merc and a S/O, hmu if you meant about team dynamics)

You are poetry, 

stay safe & hydratated

tw: depression

Scout: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ not the most emotional mature of the mercs; even himself admits that he is pretty immature even for his age (early 20s), but this doesn’t means he doesn’t have empathy or that he doesn’t care about his S/O. He sees you suffering and he is big time worried. He tries to motivate you, drag you out of your bed and do something fun or at least go and buy some food. He will get annoying but he can’t just sit there and watch you rot. He is a hands-on guy, he might not understand why you are acting up like this, but at the same time he doesnt know how he can approach you. He will try to hug you tighter and bring you food and water, his shoulders can be a pillow for you to cry all day and night long and his hands are there to wipe off the tears from your face. He hates seeing his bby sad and would give half his Tom Jones memorabilia for you to wake up one day and be your old, happier self ♥

Soldier: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ although his social skills are in scarcity, he isnt a traitor. He sees his S/O down ( mentally) and it pains him to an unimaginable extent  to see you so unmotivated . He doesn't understand why are you sad, what has happened? Did that crazy Kraut touched you? who he needs to snap the neck? He hates seeing you like this. Will be stubborn, just because he doesnt understand something it doesnt mean he can't find a way around. In the end, he will push you enough to actually break down and explain everything that has happened. For the first time in years hes just silent, he broke the dam and he is beyond ashamed of making you break down like this. He doesn't what to do so for now he will hold you as tight as he can and promise in America and whatever is holy and pure in him that he will help you untill you are again okay. ♥

Pyro: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ they know that you are sadder than before and they can see you points of view. They themselves know that life sometimes just sucks and that its okay not to want to eat or leave your bed. But they are also afraid that whatever is plaguing you it will become worse and worse and they really don’t want to see you hurting yourself like they once did. They try helping you do simple things, drink a glass of water, play a bit with their stuffed animals, theyll help you brush your hair or wash your face. They know they baby you, but they think you need a bit more of some more smootches or cuddles. If they see you worsening or being even less active they will drag you their pillowfort and just try to keep you as close them while chanting sweet nothings and sad mumbles, please don’t loose yourself like they did. ♥

Engie: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ he might be a cruel, cold man when hes on the field, but in reallity he is the cinnamon roll meme( he is a cinnamon roll and he might kill you tho but he is mostly a cinammon roll). He knows also that work and his projects take a really big amount of his time so he already feels very guilty. I doubt he has any humanitarian doctorates, but he has an above average understanding of human psychology; whats the point of trying  to emulate life when you cant understand it?He knows he can't address it straightforward, but he needs to get you over this slump before you do something really stupid. Que him cleaning up his workshop and carrying you there bridal style. He has a small nest of pillows and blankets and right next to it his trusted guitar.You have the whole night and the day after to spend it together and get in the bottom of the barrel. Itll be hectic but he is a very patient man and loves ya to bits ♥

Demo: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ lowkey one of the mercs with the most expierence with depression/ depressive episodes. For once in his life he doesnt drink and tries to find the rute of the problem, if there is of course or its just pent up anger and frustation with things that have happened in your life now or in the present. In simple, you will talk. For hours if needed. He wont drink a sip becausehe doesnt want to forget even the stupidest detail from your venting. In the end, he will offer you to drink but he will drag you out of the base/ house and make you sit in the front porch/ garden  while he has set up some “ festive” fireworks ( just some small ones that erupt and turn into hearts) . He isnt the ideal psychological perfection, but if you chosed the scottish cyclops for your mate, then he shall go to the man and back just to see you smile one more time. ♥

Heavy: ˜”*°•.˜”*°• he has seen depression and has experienced it himself. It was way too traumatic for a young man to have to support a family without a father figure around. I highly headcanon him to have deppresion hence the sandwich, hes bingining while staying in the battlefield. He doesnt care about the language barrier, in order for the both of you to be as close as you are know, it means you understand eachother to a satysfying extent. He will cook you a very hearty meal and bring it to your bed with a tray and sweet tea. You can eat in silence with him simply staying by your side and rub your back, words can’t potray how he feels right now. Once you finished hell put the dishes outside and simply cuddle you ( being the least cuddly of the mercs, it means a lot). You can nap, cry, trace patterns on his sculp anything really. All his life the main cause of depression was the anarchy surrounding his life, he needs you to feel protected. He doesn’tcare how much time it will take, but he will rip the mountains apart to seeyou smile out of genuine happiness, might even cry if he is the cause. •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Medic: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ the most medically, again qualified from the group. so he has at least that covered. He isn’t stupid, you show clear signs of cronic clinical depression ( also known as manic depression) and although it has been a long while before finding a patient to lobotomize, hed be damned if he ever butchered you up like that. He is a healer, even if enjoys his enemies to hurt a little more than they should, and a healer is here to help both the body and the mind. Will persuade you into getting under medication, even if he knows theyll have little to no effecthe just hopes the placebo effect will motivate you. He tries to mix your routine with his, ex. he wakes up really early when you finnaly after hours of insomnia fell asleep, hell tuck you in and kiss your forehead. Throughout the day hell send Scout or Heavy to bring you food or water or your medications. Pyro will be by your doorstep or you side, to keep you company during the day. At night he will carry you to the medbay and do all the talking for you if you dont feel like talking, he will listen to all of your venting. Lowkey will sit you on his lap so he can rub your back and let you cry/ just sit there, to feel his heardbeat on your face and relax. ♥

Sniper: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥    𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 , 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 , 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤 ( 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵( 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 , 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 0/10 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 ����𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘸. ♥

Spy: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥     actually he isn’t that mentally mature as much as he strives to be. He has very unhealthy copying mechanisms, he fucks and smokes his torments away, but he also knows different people have different copying mechanism and he cant judge how people seek comfort. He doesnt know how to help yo, he really does but he doesnt know. He is nervous but he will probably suggest you two take a vacation away, together. He has planned it all fancy and nice, and pretty much has scanned the whole place/ area/resort you are staying and having “ friends” around. He doesnt care if you just stay all day in the resorts pool and just chill around drinking pina coladas. In the middle of your vacations, he will take you to a more secluded area and will open up about his issues , not about your relationship but about him as a person. He has many issues and he is a very difficult person to be around, so you haveto know he will never judge you. But he also doesnt know how to help you. This will make you hug him and you two can finnaly have a good, well-earned cry. Kiss him on the nose or on his head and tell him how much all this means to you and he will cry you a river and hold you till the dayhe dies, how can someone so late in his life means so, just so damn much? ♥  

[always-anxious612]

Idk if this is already going to happen later in the story, but how about a short fic about chaotic Roman training? I was just thimking about like Logan gets him talking about something he's passionate about (to get his powers like, working?) And just things flying but Logan helps him get control, which causes him to get excited because he's doing it right! Thanks

Warnings: food mention, panicked thoughts, RSD

Word Count: 1,145

Roman took a deep breath as he sat on the couch, waiting for Logan to get home from class. Today was the first day he was going to start lessons without Dee, and to say he was nervous was an understatement. He couldn’t let himself lose control again. He couldn’t. But without Dee there to calm him when he started to lose it, what was he supposed to do. He only focused on Dee before, how was he supposed to do this without him here? The front door opening pulled Roman from his thoughts.

“Ah, Roman, ready to begin?” Logan asked upon seeing Roman waiting for him. Gulping, Roman nodded, plastering on his normal bright smile. Logan raised an eyebrow but started setting things up in silence.

“Alright, I have three books here. We’re going to start by trying to lift one, is that ok?” he assured, stepping back from the table where he’d laid out the books. One book. Yeah, ok, Roman could handle that…but how did he do that? Things had been going ok before he lost control that once. Now he had no idea how to control anything. How was he supposed to feel passion if that passion was just going to destroy everything around him. He couldn’t control it. Or maybe he was just too scared to try anymore. When Dee was there everything was a lot simpler because he made him feel passionate and calm at the same time. Why had he agreed to do this separately again?

“Roman?” Logan questioned, eyeing him. “Are you ok?”

“I—I don’t know how to, um, lift the book.” Roman admitted, his face burning with shame.

“Ah. That’s fine.” Loan replied, “Let’s talk instead.”

“Talk?”

“Yes. I heard from Dee that you got the male lead in the play due to complications. You must be ecstatic, correct?”

Roman lit up at the words.

“Oh yeah, I can’t believe they asked me out of everybody!” he exclaimed. “I mean, my part was easily replaced by a newbie, sure; but there were plenty of other’s who could also be easily replaced, but they asked me!”

“That’s remarkable, Roman.” Logan remarked, trying to hide a smile as Roman’s grin grew bigger. Out of the corner of his eye, Logan saw the books on the table start to rattle and hoped Roman didn’t notice.

“I already had a lot of the lines memorized for the part anyway, but Dee’s been helping me run lines everyday too which has been really helpful. I still can’t actually believe the part is mine now. Oh, and the set is coming along so nicely. It’s absolutely gorgeous, all the props and scenery and—” Roman cut himself off as he spotted the books, which were now hovering about two feet of off the table Logan had put them on.

“What—” he mumbled, fear wiggling its way into his chest. He didn’t mean too. He was going to do it again. Things were going to get out of control. What if he hurt Logan this time? Once again as his thoughts became more panicked, a couple more objects joined the books and started to swirl wildly.

“Roman.” Logan’s tone was firm but soft. “Roman, focus on me, ok? Focus on that passion you had when you were talking about the play, ok? Take a deep breath. There’s no need to panic, you’re doing wonderfully.”

Roman tore his eyes from the swirl of stuff at Logan’s last sentence.

“I—I’m doing good?” he questioned, hesitantly.

“Yes. You are. You have the objects up in the air at least. You can control this, Roman. First, please take a deep breath for me, ok?”

Roman nodded and sucked in a deep breath, calming his nerves, trying not to focus on the panic swirling in the back of his head. The objects slowed slightly.

“Ok, now focus on how excited you were when you got the part. Focus on how you felt when they chose you out of the rest of the qualified cast members to replace the lead. Focus on how you feel when you run lines with Dee. How it will feel to perform this part in front of an audience.” Logan coached. Roman smiled slightly at the thoughts. He really was excited for the play. For opening night. To play this part.

“Amazing, job, Ro.” Logan complimented, watching as the objects slowed until they were just floating in the air.

“Try to maintain that feeling. Keep it in the back of you’re mind and now focus on the objects in the air.” He continued. Biting his lip, Roman did as Logan instructed and turned to look at the objects, surprised to see that they had stopped swirling. He had been so focused on Logan and his instructions that he hadn’t even noticed what was happening in the air.

“Ok, with the thoughts of the play and Dee and the part still in mind, focus on setting the objects down, gently.”

With much, much concentration, Roman tried to keep his passion for acting in mind as he also focused on lowering the stuff. Slowly, but surely, the objects started to lower, and it took everything in Roman to keep his excitement from shooting them higher in the air once again. After several minutes, the books and few other objects that had been swept up when he had first started panicking were laying undamaged on the ground.

“I-I did it. Logan, I did it!” Roman smiled excitedly.

“Yes, I knew you could. Excellent session, Roman. Now that you know that you can do it, the next lesson should be easier for you to get the objects in the air on your own.” Logan praised, this time not bothering to hide his small smile.

“Aw, we’re already done? But I’m just getting the hang of it now.” Roman pouted, making Logan chuckle softly.

“I’m glad you’re eager to learn, but we don’t want to overdo it. You made excellent progress today. I’m free tomorrow if you’d like to continue then. But for now, would you like some cookies and milk? Patton baked them this morning while you were at class.”

“You never have to ask me if I want cookies and milk. Especially if Patton made them.” Roman laughed, already forgetting about continuing the lesson. He supposed Logan was right. He didn’t want to overdo it and shake his confidence yet again. For now, he just enjoyed stealing sips of Logan’s milk and watching him eye the glass in confusion when there seemed to be less milk every time he looked away. And, yeah, maybe he’d have to work hard to keep his confidence up and his magic under control, but at least he had the best teacher and the most wonderful “famILY” to help him do it. He honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

Taglist: @catolicabuena @look-ma-im-on-tv @its-always-the-witching-hour @sure-i-exist @wellhellothere09 @star-crossed-shipper @cemmy @lila-lupus @misterteaz @petite-phthora

[notcatherinemorland]

ok i Had a bit of Fancy UpMyArse Analysis about ‘emotional horor’ as a (sub)genre but i then saw a fire emblem post so naturally ive forgotten every other thought in my head. 

i absolutely sound like an asshole, and i know nothing about any of this. but i have a lot of emotions and i like gothic novels so therefore im absolutely 110% qualified to wax lyrical on the failings of modern horror as a genre.

the book i read that had ‘emotional horror’ as a tag-along line was devil rock by paul tremblay (which, wonderful book but i preferred his other two) where the pivot of the fear element, if u like, was the fear of a mother who’s child had gone missing. 

every time i talk about horror genre i Have to do the thing where i define things for the imaginary reader bc when i talk about horror and terror, i fully subscribe to ann radcliffe’s definition. i’m sure ive mentioned it time and time again here BUT because i enjoy talking about it. Terror is ~ the feelings of fear and dread, the suspense of the horror, capitalising on the anxiety, .. the gothic liminal space effect, if ur me, where you Know you’re not safe, but you’re not face to face with the danger. the space in between. Horror is ~ confrontation with the monster itself, fits alongside sublime and grotesque, its shock and repulsion and the immediate threat, the adrenaline rush that comes with experiencing the horror element. 

i don’t say that to be condescending or to mansplain.. i say that so a) any poor soul who reads things i say (future me) knows what the fuck im on about when i talk about it & b) . i just really enjoy chatting about that. i just. like talking about the difference between horror and terror . idk why. i just dig it.  also here down ‘horror’ equals radcliffe horror, ‘horror genre’ = .. the genre of horror. horror as the noun.

anyway. ‘emotional horror.’ i remember it struck me at first because i thought huh isn’t horror as a genre based in emotion? - but with pure regard to modern horror, emotional horror seems to mean the provocation of empathy for the characters, or that the ‘horrific element’ stems from an emotional source - grief, mental health, a missing child from a mother’s perspective. 

i fully admit i haven’t watched/read enough what i could annoyingly call ‘horror-horror’ content, ie films that rely a lot of physical action and reaction to be horror - the shining with physical safety, that one film about the deaf woman being hunted in her cabin in the woods (great film, i hated the experience of watching it.) uhh. i’m a philistine so i’d shove literally any standard horror film under this banner. friday 13th, chucky, that kinda thing. i’m sure there’s really nuanced analysis of them about the themes they explore like omnipresence of religion and how god doesn’t matter in a world with free will and that kind of thing . but the annoying bottom line for me is that if it’s got jumpscares and gore, it gets shoved into ‘this is a film with emphasis on radcliffe horror and i will Suffer.’ so. i don’t watch them. i fucking HATE jumpscares. I am abolutely passing judgement on a genre i have no taste for or care to experience, and tho i therefore should not talk about it . this will not stop me . 

sorry, it’s 1am. where was i. emotional horror. 

modern horror is a very foreign ground to me, because i just. entrenched myself in a little pit of gothic lit for 3 years, discovered that ‘woah! this is a contemporary genre too!’ and then read 5 chapters of stephen king and lost my faith in humanity hjgfhhhj. but emotional horror? that’s a fucking fascinating catagory. but i really bloody wonder why it’s been segregated from pure horror genre. because imo. they Should be one in the same. whats the point in horror genre content if it’s not digging claws into proper emotional fears and making a story out of that. OH one book i loved reading was ‘the wrong train’ by . someone. where the fear is typical and very abstract until the very last lines (spoilers.. where the protagonist is set up to die offscreen) and it’s a Beautiful twist. it’s very strange because the kicker of the book was the very last part and left largely unexplored. but at the same time if a story was to start there and follow onwards.. i’d be likely to shove it in my ‘horror-horror’ catagory. depending on if it explored the emotional effects on the characters in a way that was more than physical. 

films - especially films, because unless the writer is doing a dickhead move and eliminating the character’s emotional depth from the narrative, tend to have superficial displays of terror, horror and overwhelming emotion. by limitation of the medium alone . it’s the show not tell thing all over again. film a woman screaming and crying in fear of the ghost hunting her.. or have the camera circle her, blur all the shot but her, make the shot of her as intense as the emotion the actress portrays. i absolutely sound like an asshole, and i know nothing about this. but i have a lot of emotions and i like gothic novels so therefore im absolutely 110% qualified to wax lyrical on the failings of modern horror FHIGBKEFH. 

it’s one thirty am and i need to STOP oh my god how did i write this much about fucking horror genre but i can’t write 4000 characters of a ucas statement. many reasons, mostly that a ucas statement is zero wasted space and this ramble is 90% dead air. 

anyway. emotional horror. im fucking fascinated . im appreciative of the segregation so i can find things i’ll enjoy. but. why push it into a niche when it’s fucking integral to what makes horror .. good/worthwhile (to be an asshole)/what i personally enjoy lmao

edit: i didn;t actually,, fuckign say this,, when i say ‘exploring horror thru physical means’ like the asshat i am, i mean hack and slash film, gore, onscreen bodily trauma. that kinda content. the things out find in season 4 of supernatural. where the film is very concerned with exploring the boundaries of the physical body ie . get grusomely dismembered. as opposed to ‘emotional horror’ .. like the babadook honestly. where the boundaries crossed are very mental and emotional. 

that.. that’s a whole different post and the one i was actually trying to make. fuck. 

also. i’m just a picky bitch. one kind of horror is not necessarily better or worse than the other, and we choose where we place our value in media. personal taste is paramount and im not here to shit on what other people enjoy. i just happen to be annoying about what i do. 

[timeoutforthee]

Like it or Not-Chapter 23

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay, @neonbluetiefling, @comicsimpson, @a-little-bit-of-ace

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings:  Remus, referenced fictional murder, referenced bingeing/purging, therapy session

Read it on AO3!

Roman had marched into class earlier, fully prepared to demand a new partner as soon as Remus started speaking. Now, he was staring at his rival with an open mouth. This is not how he was planning for this to go, at all.

“Run that by me,” Roman finally says, “One more time.”

“I want to write a play,” Remus says, drawing out his words obnoxiously slow, “About a man interviewing several monsters to find out which one killed him. Each monster will be a representation of a mental illness.”

“That…” Roman stares at him, still shocked, “....that’s okay?”

“Oh my God, has it happened?” Remus asks a fake audience, “Has Roman Prince gotten the stick out of his ass?”

“We’ll have to be careful,” Roman hurries to amend, “I mean, we’re dealing with representation and we don’t want to offend anyone, but it’s doable.”

“Nope!” Remus says, “It is still jammed up there.”

“Do you want us to do your idea or not?” Roman counters.

Remus laughs. “If I recall correctly, we don’t have a choice about that.”

“Anyway,” Roman says, glossing over that particular detail, “What are your ideas? Who is this man? Who are the monsters?”

“Oh!” Remus says, immediately lighting up, and pulling a sketchbook from his backpack, “I have sketches! Monsters with two faces for bipolar disorder, a monster covered in cuts-”

“See, that’s an example of what we’re not going to do,” Roman interrupts.

“Roman,” Remus says, huffing, “Don’t you want to explore something deeper than your usual fairytales?”

“Don’t you want to come up with something a bit more original?”

That catches Remus off guard, and his face falls, He looks down at his sketchbook.

“You’re the best costume designer the Theater department has,” Roman says. It kills him to admit, but even he knows it’s true, “I’m sure you can come up with something.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Remus says, sighing. “Now, this guy…” ^

“How’d your meeting go today, Roman?” Patton says, trying to sound like his normal, bubbly self. But there’s a rock in his stomach as the end of the school day is approaching, and group is quickly coming up.

“...well?” Roman says, unsure.

“It either went well or it didn’t, Roman, it isn’t a hard question,” Logan says.

“I know, I’m just...surprised,” Roman continues, “Remus actually had a good idea? And I’m...excited to elaborate on it?”

“What was it?” Virgil asks.

“A man is interviewing a group of monsters, all representative of mental illnesses, to see which one killed him.”

“That’s dark, I like it,” Virgil responds.

“Not surprised by that,” Roman says. “We’ll need to tread carefully, to make sure we don’t misrepresent anything or offend anyone, but it’s doable, right?”

“Right!” Patton says, even though he’s not exactly thrilled with the idea of monsters. Darkness wasn’t really his thing.

“Virgil and I need to start making some creative decisions as well,” Logan says, “We’ve started the creative writing chapter of the class.”

“Aren’t you guys excited?” Mrs. Spencer asks, “I always love hearing all the stories coming from my students every year!”

Virgil looks like he would have a lot to say if the teacher of the class wasn’t in the same room.

“Maybe Virgil will let us read some of his writing!” Patton says, still trying to keep his head up, “Since you want to be a novelist and everything?”

“Oh, Virgil, I didn’t know you were interested in writing!” Mrs. Spencer says.

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Virgil says, brushing it off, “I’m not very good.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, but if it is, we can always work on it,” she says before shifting focus on to her lunch.

“How’d you guys’ goals go?” Roman asks.

“Satisfactory,” Logan says, “Dr. Sanders said he wants me to start tackling the emotional side of disorder soon, but for now I accomplished my goal of eating different foods.”

“I’ve talked to my aunt more,” Virgil says, “I told her what Picani and I’ve been talking about, but not much else. I guess it’s something.” He takes a bite of his lunch. “What about-”

“Patton!” Roman says, a bit louder than necessary, “How’d yours go, Patton?”

“Oh-uh-well,” Patton thinks back to last session. With everything going on, he has completely forgotten about his original goal, “Dr. Sanders and I kinda...forgot about that part?”

“How?” Roman says.

“We were discussing...other...things,” Patton says. Oh God, everyone is starting to look at him. “I-I’ll-” he sighs. “I have something to tell you guys. Later. In group.”

They stare a little longer before Logan finally says, quietly, “Okay.”

Just then, the bell rings.

As everyone starts packing up, Patton feels a rock in his stomach. He looks around at everyone and gives them a smile. He’s going to miss them when they go.

^

“Welcome back, guys!” Dr. Sanders greets them, walking in. “How is everyone? I think Dr. Picani said something about you guys setting some goals last week, how’d those go?”

“Uh, great!” Roman says, “But Patton said he had something to tell us before we get started.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t want to derail the session,” Patton says, desperately clinging to the hope that he can get out of it.

“Don’t be silly!” Dr. Sanders said, “This is your session, you guys control what we talk about.”

“Oh...goooood…,” Patton says.

“So what is it, Pat?” Virgil asks after they’ve been sitting in silence for a while.

“You know, maybe this was silly, I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of this, it’s not really that important-”

“If it was unimportant, it’d be much easier to say,” Logan says.

“Heh, you got me there,” Patton says. He tries to bring it up in his brain, to bring the words to his mouth, but it’s getting stuck and the room is falling silent again and everyone is looking at him and thinking about how disgusting he looks and-

“Patton,” Thomas says. Patton tears his eyes away from the floor and looks up at his therapist. “Take a deep breath.” Patton does, although it’s shaky. “One more.” This one is much more steady. “Now, opposite action. Exposing the action in front of others who won’t reject you. This is a safe space.”

“Yeah, Patton, whatever it is, we won’t be, like, mad at you,” Virgil says.

“So you say,” Patton snorts, even though there’s no humor in it. He immediately regrets it when Virgil pulls back a bit, surprised and hurt. “I didn’t mean that,” he automatically says. “I just…” he takes a deep breath. “Guys, I haven’t been honest. I’ve been lying about getting better. I never stopped purging.”

The room falls silent, and a few tears escape from Patton’s eyes.

“What do you mean?” Virgil asks, quietly.

“I mean every night, I sneak down to my kitchen, I binge, then I purge. I can’t stop. I didn’t try to stop.”

“Did you think we would be mad at you for that?” Virgil asks.

“You should be mad at me for that, I’m a liar,” Patton says, “You’ve all worked so hard and come so far, and I was just...sitting here.”

“Yes,” Logan speaks up, “Sitting here in group therapy. Sitting there in individual therapy. You’re trying just as hard as we are, Patton.”

“But I can’t stop purging, that is the one thing I have to do!”

“That’s like saying the one thing I have to do is eat,” Virgil says.

“Or stop exercising,” Roman adds on.

“And we haven’t been able to do that, not quickly, not easily,” Logan says, “Of course we don’t expect you to stop just like that.”

“Generally speaking, you guys haven’t been working on this that long, and you’ve covered a lot of ground already,” Thomas says, “And your purging or bingeing is a maladaptive coping mechanism you use to deal with your emotions. You can’t just stop these behaviors, you must learn to better cope with the emotions, or else you’ll just replace them with other maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as self harm.”

Virgil’s face pales at that, but no one notices.

“You also have to stop looking at it like absolutes. ‘I haven’t stopped purging yet, so I never will.’ That’s not fair to you or the therapeutic process. You don’t have all the skills required to get to the point where you can cope.”

“I shouldn’t even need these skills,” Patton says, “I don’t…”

They all wait patiently for him to continue, and Dr. Sanders prompts him. “Patton?”

“I don’t have anything to be upset about,” Patton says. “So I don’t know why I have all these negative coping skills.”

“People don’t need a reason to be upset, necessarily,” Logan says.

“Well, yeah, if you have depression or something, but I don’t,” Patton doesn’t notice Thomas write something down in his notebook, “I just have a loving family and a good life and no reason to complain and I’m just being ungrateful.”

“What do you think qualifies a “good life,” Patton?”

“I don’t know, friends, family, love, something!”

“So you have a lot of friends?”

Patton’s stomach drops at the reminder of what school was like last year. “Well, I have friends now.”

“And didn’t you say one of your moms died?”

Patton feels like ice water has been poured over him. “I-I don’t want to talk about that.”

“That’s fine, we don’t have to,” Thomas rushes to say, “I’m just saying, if you look at things objectively, you have a few things to be upset about. That’s fair, and you don’t need to deny those feelings.”

“O-okay.”

“Plus, you seem to talk to yourself in a very negative way, but that’s something we need to explore next time,” Dr. Sanders says, looking at his watch. “Until next time, guys.”

The four boys stand up and make their way out of the room.

“Patton, I am...proud of you,” Logan tells him. Patton has been keeping his eyes on the ground, but now he looks up and over at his friend.

“What? Why?”

“For the same reason you were proud of me for eating a grape. Because you made a step in your recovery, and you should be proud.”

“Yeah, Patton, you should be proud,” Roman adds. Virgil nods.

They reach the front of the building and Roman and Logan break off, waving goodbye. Patton and Virgil wave back.

“Oh! I see my mom!” Patton says, spotting her car.

“Wait, Pat.”

“Yeah?”

Virgil hesitates only a second, before he grabs Patton and wraps his arms around him. Patton is caught off guard but quickly hugs him back. They stand there for a moment, before they both pull away.

“Thanks, Virge.”

“Anytime,” Virgil says, watching him walk away. When he sees all his friends get into their cars, he sighs and makes his way to his aunt’s car.

He sighs, thinking about how his friends are starting to open up to each other. How much it seems to help. Maybe...maybe it’s time he considered telling them why he moved to town.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[beesartandstuffs]

Who Killed Markiplier: Shot in the Dark- Chapter 3, Part 3

(Guys. Guys. This is it. I’ve been waiting to write this part for months. I’m so pumped guys. That being said, THIS IS AN EXTREMELY CRUCIAL PART OF THE STORY SO IF YOURE NOT CAUGHT UP DO THAT FIRST. Here is the masterlist if you need it!

This is also a really long one (over 2000 words) so buckle up kiddos.

Spread the word everyone! Big things are happening!!)

~~

Because I know Celine, I recognize that she's accusing me. Whether it's simply of being out of my league or of actually killing Mark, I'm not sure, but it doesn't really matter. The goal is to deflect the attention back to me. To turn the distrust on me.

And it's working.

"What makes you think you're qualified to be a detective anyway, missy?" Chef sneers. "You think reading big books and arguing with prissy boys in suits makes you able to crack a case yourself?"

I open my mouth to reply, but Benjamin speaks up too. "And if your wardrobe is any indication, keeping up appearances isn't much of a motivation either."

Abe is looking at me uncomfortably, chewing his lip. "I guess I might've been a bit… hasty. I didn't even consider that you might not have much field experience… I'm sorry, Bailey. I shouldn't have put this on you."

I look at the Colonel expectantly.

To my surprise, he's frowning, in… pity? As if he feels bad. Is he immune to Celine's influence?

A warm hand covers mine, easing the chill from the storm. Damien's. I hadn't even realized that I was bracing my hands on the table, as if I was about to stand in protest. Damien doesn't look at me, but his open display of support and pointed glare at his sister speaks volumes.

Celine suddenly smiles, appearing sheepish. "I'm sorry. I know today has been… hard. And I know you're only trying to help, like any of us."

Nods and apologetic murmurs drift around the table like spectres.

"That's why I need your help." Her voice is soothing, coaxing. This is for the good of everybody. This is our only shot. "We can figure out who killed Mark and what else is going on, once and for all. Together. Won't you give me a chance?"

I'm nodding before I realize what I'm doing. Damien looks at me in alarm, but I've already agreed.

Celine grins. "Perfect. Come with me."

She starts to stand, but Abe slams his hand on the table. "Hey, wait a minute!" he snaps. "We may have just met yesterday but Bailey and I have endured through thick and thin, and I'm not about to let you drag her off to her very likely death!" He jumps to his feet. "I won't stand for it!"

"W-well I trust Celine with all my heart!" The Colonel stands as well. "I don't see why anybody should doubt her!"

"What other choice do we have?" Benjamin says insistently. "If this is the only way to find out what happened to Master…"

"Gotta admit something's weird about all this," Chef mumbles.

Celine sighs. "If you want to stand watch outside, you may. But my work must not be interrupted."

The Detective laughed. "Oh, I'll keep watch, all right. I'll keep watch on every single one of you… even myself." His eye twitched. "...Especially myself."

I follow Celine to the stairs, but Damien beats me to it. He slams a hand on the railing to stop his sister's progress. "Celine, wait!"

She looks up at her brother. Her voice is soft when she speaks. "Yes, Damien?"

He searches her eyes, opening his mouth to speak but stammering. "I… are… are you alright?" Celine sighs and looks away but Damien moves to try to stay in her vision. "I know this… this news can't be sitting well with you."

She pushes past him and heads up the stairs. "I'm fine for now."

"I… er…" He looks at me, fumbling, near-panic in his eyes. I shake my head wordlessly, and his jaw clenches. He turns and darts up the stairs after Celine, calling after her. "B-but all this talk of the occult, I thought you had given that up, and… and Mark's dead! Wait!"

He catches her at the top of the stairs, his outstretched hand on her arm. "I just…" he swallows. "I didn't think you would get mixed up in all of this. Not after… everything."

Celine's posture stiffens, and she wrenches her arm from his grasp. I'm standing on the landing, one foot on the next step. I look between the two of them silently, ready to jump the final few steps to rescue Damien if needed.

"There is more to this world than you could ever hope to imagine, Damien," she snaps. "I just had my eyes open to a small portion of it."

She leaves, heading down the hall and into a dark room that I could have sworn wasn't there before. "Just be careful!" Damien calls after her, before sighing in defeat.

I move to follow Celine, but he catches my hand.

"Emma, wait," he says softly.

I stop, and look at him.

He's worrying his lip. "You be careful, too."im

His eyes flicker over my face, coming to rest more often than not on my mouth. I feel heat blooming up my neck, but I don't step away. Instead, I step forward, knee-to-knee with him. Damien's free hand comes up to rest on the back of my neck, pulling me closer automatically.

Here, alone with him at the top of the stairs, I don't resist.

The kiss is brief and soft. We both know we can't afford anything more than that.

Regardless, we pull away breathless and flushed, our eyes fluttering open wide.

I place my hand on his chest and feel his heart beating as hard as mine. He huffs a laugh, and I look up into his eyes, which have been clouded over with grief for so long I'm almost startled by the delight.

"We should do that again sometime," he says.

For the first time in a long time, I feel myself grin. "Absolutely."

That moment exists in a bubble of time, and too soon, far too soon, we must retreat to the real world. So we release, with lingering fingertips and longing looks. Each of us wishing we could stay in that moment forever, away from the tragedy and the heartache.

Celine is waiting for me in the dark room. I close the door behind me and sit across from her at the velvet-draped table. A crystal ball sits in the middle of the table, and I raise an eyebrow, looking up at her.

She's mirroring my expression. "You're close to Damien," she says. It's a statement, not a question.

I nod slowly. "And you're not."

She nods back, unoffended. "It's been a long time since we've spoken," she says quietly. "He… he doesn't understand a lot of things about me. About… us."

"Us, as in you and the Colonel?" She makes a startled sound, and I incline my head. "I've been watching how he looks at you. It wasn't hard to deduce."

In the privacy of this dark room and the company of a fellow woman, Celine turns transparent, her charm melting away and leaving a raw, trembling widow in its wake. I'm taken aback, but I sit still and let her speak. "Damien never figured it out," she whispers. Her hands toy with the talisman from before, working it between her fingers on the table. It's an upside-down star. "I think… I think he doesn't want to."

"Why did you leave?" I ask, as gently as I can muster. "Why didn't you just approach Mark and ask for a divorce?"

"Mark was… he was so sweet. He would have given me anything. He would have given me the world. He tried to, he… he gave me books. He said I would like them." She gives a little whimpering laugh. "I did. I did like them."

"Books about the occult."

"He understood me." She leans forward. "He… he wanted me to be happy."

"So why the Colonel?"

Her laugh is short and humorless. "It was always William. From the beginning. But then he… he left. For the war. So I moved on. But then he came back, and… we… saw each other sometimes."

I fold my hands on the table. I dread the answer to the question I'm about to ask. "Celine…" I bring my folded hands to my mouth, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. "… Why did you leave. Really."

When I open my eyes, she's sitting up straight, looking right at me. Her gaze has grown cold, but not cold like stone. Cold like a lake that is still not yet frozen yet, still wet and churning and angry, and could kill you if you dipped a toe in. "You know," she says quietly. Dangerously. "You know why."

I remember the crib in Mark's bedroom. Pastel blue. Untouched. Carefully and lovingly maintained.

"Mark always wanted children," she whispers. "But I didn't. I didn't want them to end up like…"

Like their father. I'm not sure why I know, or why it makes sense to me. But the look on Celine's face and the feeling in my gut tells me that her years living in this house were not always happy.

She takes a breath. Calming herself. "... There was no way the baby was his. I had to get away. If he found out that it wasn't his, that it was William's, he'd… "

My blood runs cold. "... Why are you telling me this?"

She pauses, as if wondering herself.

Then she smiles.

"Because it doesn't matter anymore," she says. "Mark is gone, and we can find out what happened. We can finally find out the true nature of this… fascinating place."

The true nature…?

"I didn't quite understand before. But now that my eyes are open… there are dark forces surrounding this manor. And I feel that that's been the case for a very long time."

My eyes fall to the crystal ball. I've never subscribed to such things, but the room is unnaturally warm, and the flickering of the candles are almost hypnotizing…

I drift.

Voices and images flicker in and out of my head.

I see Celine, Damien, Mark, the Colonel, young and happy, together…

I see myself, next to Damien. We hold a small child between us. Damien is murmuring a lullaby.

I hear cutlery clattering, gentle conversation. I catch a whiff of coffee and chocolate. I feel safe and warm.

There's blood. Someone is screaming. The voice sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't quite place it… then I realize there's more than one voice.

Another voice calls out. It's aged, but strong, confident, wise. It overpowers the screams and leaves me feeling grounded. "It's been years," it drones. "I'm starting to run down, I'm afraid… "

"Emma!"

I startle awake. Celine glares at me. "Well?" she demands as I look around in a daze. "What did you see?"

I shake my head. "I didn't…"

"You saw something! I know you did!"

"Something… some old man. I don't remember, it's all jumbled…"

"An old man."

I look back at her. Her jaw is clenched. Her eyes are blazing. The force of her fury pushes me back in my chair.

Then I realized I am being pushed, harder and harder against the back of my chair by some unseen force. It compresses my chest and makes it hard to breathe.

"This was our only shot," Celine growls, rising to her feet. "This was our only chance to find out what truly happened. And all you have to show for it is… an old man?!"

My chair clatters to the ground as I'm slammed against the wall. "You were supposed to help," Celine cries. "You were supposed to be the one who finally helped!"

I can't breathe. My toes brush the ground, scrambling in a panic as I'm pushed further and further against the wall. I can barely move my arm but I manage to shove my hand in my pocket and retrieve my Derringer.

Celine is sobbing. My vision blurs, making the colors in the room shift and warp. Her outline becomes fragmented. "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN?" she screams. The pounding in my head adds thrumming layers to her voice.

With tremendous effort, I raise my gun in both hands. I can't breathe and I'm seeing double, but she isn't that far away. It's an easy shot.

Too easy.

I see her eyes widen just before I fire.

~~

Tag list: @mayor-damien-protection-squad @markired @cosmic--frappucino @blackaquokat @pleaseletthisjimbetaken @gravitykaz @jojored22@neverisadork @cherrybomb-jaguar @221biotchplease @gmcfyuffins @the-asexual-reaper @satansladydoor (If I’ve tagged you and you don’t want to be tagged, please tell me! Inversely, if you would like to be tagged in these, don’t be afraid to ask!) 

[gothic-gnosis]

hi

i know you might not text me ever again

but i wanna get out how im feeling. so a tumblr post will suffice.

i miss you a lot. a lot more than i really admit. i'm sorry.

it really sucks that i cant ever say anything to your face. or i just push and push. i lied about you not being my favorite person. obviously, you caught on but you have to understand. i dont wanna get hurt. i dont want to be pushed away or rejected or told i'm crazy. i didnt want you to leave. i didnt mean to push you into not talking to me ever again. i'm sorry for pushing that on you when you had enough going on. like wtf dude LMFAO that was kinda rlly fucking awful. and it hurt pretty bad too.

which isnt your fault, i'm not blaming you or asking for an apology or anything considering i hurt my own feelings. but holy shit, did that fucking hurt.

you obviously know i smoke a lot of weed but its gotten so much worse because now i smoke everytime i think of you. i miss you so bad but i feel like i shouldnt. i shouldnt have let myself fp you. i shouldve avoided you. this wouldnt be happening if id taken my own advice and taken the hint that i shouldve left you alone.

i dont think i deserve really. anything from you. i dont even know why you kept responding to me, i mean. i know that i text pretty heavily and never take hints ever but wtf dude. i mean, i know i asked that one time and you hit me with the uno reserve but damn dude. i be overthinkin like everything.

i think about the time you tied my boots a lot. i even took a photo after cause im a psycho and wanted the photo. but tiktok told me only boys who like u do that.

and then it hits me. u were probably only nice to me because you wanted to fuck. ooops. and the worst part is, i was being obsessive without even realizing. like i recognized "ok, dont fp this person cos ull get hurt like a dumbass" but. see, the thing is, you told me i was pretty. and now i wanna fucking die. i feel like god now, people see my face for the first time and it always becomes topic of discussion, and i dont bring it up first. like.. coworkers comment on my face, like my nose being straight and my cheekbones like.. thats what people notice after my eyes, my literal favorite feature. i even put a fucking needle through my face over it LMFAO. like now my egos a lil bit inflated. the thing is. everybody is pretty here. really pretty. we live in fucking san diego and are surrounded by like. rlly rich ppl who can afford body mods and shit. if people are telling me im pretty, i dont think theyre lying anymore. especially being in the beauty industry..

OH I FORGOT TO MENTION

i found out i have pretty privilege. like.. imagine. me being pretty enough to get stuff just cause of it. like, i have no job history or really any experience at all in customer service or hair at all after graduating school. my first job EVER was the salon. and they never fucking hire people without hella experience, im SO fucking under qualified but cause im tiny pretty goth girl with fuckin JOKES and shit, how tf can u pass up my dumb ass LMFAO

also, idk if you see me on ur fyp cause i exist on tiktok now. prolly not, cause im dumb. i feel like one day ill think about this and think its hilarious cause im not only oblivious but fucking Stupid.

i know one day youll text back. only when youre ready though. i think our relationship will definitely stay platonic considering i'm moving to seattle in less than a month and you seem like you kinda depend on fucking something, my dude. LIKE HONESTLY YOU KINDA TOLD ME SO MANY SUSPECT THINGS AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE. DUDE THATS SO BAD. i def feel like youre lying about your body count, but i definitely believe ur a thot who're, sir.

anyways im back after getting high and listening to bowie. uh. its 2:22.

[imaginesmatsu]

heyyy welcome to the Osomatsu-san community! Can i request how all the matsu's first kiss with the reader went?

Thank you so much! and Of course you can!. I hope to involve myself more in the community eventually UuU!

Osomatsu - Osomatsu talks a big game but he’s actually really nervous to kiss you, he’s not sure if he should ask you or if he should just go for it. Date after date he says he’ll do it but he chickens out. Finally it probably comes out after you make him really excited somehow.

“You’re the cutest, y/n! I could just kiss you right now!”

“then why dont you?”

He sees it as his oppurtunity and strikes.

Karamatsu - Karamatsu honestly respects your boundaries and wouldn’t want to force himself upon you in anyway. He knows he has to be sure that you are really as interested in him as he is with you. After a few dates his heart yearns to be with you. He texts you to meet him at the place you first meet each other (like the cliche he is). He waits for you there with a confident pose and roses, and proceeds to proclaim his love for you for the whole world to hear.

“y/n! The prettiest flower in my garden, my light in the dark! I can no longer bear another second without being able to call you mine!”

He’s all down on one knee and holding your hand like a marriage proposal. After saying yes, he stands and kisses you. You don’t realize people are clapping until the kiss is broken. You love this man but now you have no idea if you should let the small crowd know he was just asking you out.

Choromatsu - Bless his huge nerd soul this boy has no idea how to kiss you what so ever. Just the thought of it makes him so nervous that he almost forgets to breathe. When he’s with you, he stares at your lips but when he thinks of even leaning in he can hardly look you in the face. He’s really scared that maybe you wont be into kissing him, or maybe you weren’t interested in him like that. You bother had so much in common but that didn’t mean that you wanted to date him, much less kiss him!

You might have to make the first move, gotta make it smooth yet subtle, like the pocky game!

You bring pocky the next time you hangout with him, snacking on a few first before sticking the end of one in your mouth and offering it to him. At first he’s confused, and then flustered before he agrees and puts him mouth on the other end. It goes so fast before he realizes it, you chomp a big piece out of the stick to get to press your lips against his. After a few seconds and the break of the kiss, he swallows the bit of pocky he actually got to chew before you rushed in. His face all red and flustered, he doesn’t know what to say.

There’s an awkward silence between you two before he speaks up

“…..c-can we …..pl-play it again?”

Ichimatsu - This boy wont admit it but he is super afraid of kissing you. He can’t imagine anyone like you would kiss him, he was just grateful that you seemed to enjoy his company. His cat friends seemed to grow just attached to you as they are to Ichi. You truly are something special.

His brother’s catch him smiling when he thinks of you and they tease him about it till he leaves the room.He doesn’t want to ask his brothers for advice because he knows that none of them would have any advice that would actually help him.

It kind of just comes out of nowhere, honestly. You both decide to go to this time-to-time walk to visit Ichi’s little cat friends. You both go to the store to get snacks for them first, stepping out from the store the wind starts to pick up a little bit. You weren’t prepared to face the cold wind today and Ichi notices it as you hug yourself and shiver. 

“Do you want my sweater? im wearing long sleeves underneath it”

He starts to take it off but you insist that its not a big deal but he pushes it and continues to take the sweater off. You grab his arms to push his jacket back on him in protest when both of you freeze and find yourselves looking into each others eyes. Something just said that the time was right as you both leaned in and kissed.

As you pulled away, you’re flushed cheeks kept you from shivering to the wind. Embarrassed, Ichi looked away, his cheeked just as red as yours.

“s-….s-sorry”

Jyushimatsu - Jyushimatsu loved you so much and there was no denying that. Everytime you were both together he couldn’t help but do everything in his will to make you laugh. Even if you were down, he would listen closely to what was bothering you and he always knew what to say and how to make you feel so much better.

Jyushimatsu was a little more careful though, after his first heartbreak he wasn’t sure if he could take another like that. It took a while before he actually asked.

You both planed to have a picnic that day, he provided the cute printed blanket as you provided the home-made food. 

“y/n! You’re such an amazing cook! If i could, i would love to eat your food everyday!”

You couldn’t help but respond with a big smile.

He couldn’t help but look at your mouth for a while. You both sat in gleeful silence as he looked at you staring off into the distance, enjoying the scenery.

“y/n?”

“hm?”

“should we kiss?”

“….well i dont see why not!~”

Todomatsu - He’d keep you a secret from his brothers for a LONNNNNGGGG time. His brothers were THE LAST PEOPLE he would ask on how to kiss you, not to mention probably the least qualified. 

He had this whole thing planned out in his head, he had an image to keep. Not to mention he wanted to look like he knew what he was doing. He planned to ask you to hangout the following day, just to walk around town, go out to eat, and do whatever you really wanted to do.

 His plans went south quickly though because his brothers ended up being everywhere around town so he wasted that time with you, avoiding running into them. He lost his wallet and you ended up having to pay for your and his food (which you insisted wasn’t a big deal but it was a disaster to him) and ultimately he was so bummed out in the end.

The day was coming to an end, you knew he was acting strange all day so you wanted to do something special for him. Taking his hand, you pulled him to a park. Within this park you found the most perfect spot on a hill to show him how beautiful the sky was as the sun was setting. His smile was so worth it, he felt a wave of relief as he stopped worrying about what happened today. He turned to you with a wink and a smile,

“y/n, we should kiss, ok?”

[egobangin-tonight]

gOD okay im doing a rant about work bc i dont know where else to put it and i need to Screm™

(Its v long srry)

For people who are new, I work in a hospital, i work in an ER, and im a secretary. All i do is answer calls, transfer calls to doctors and nurses, and set up transportation for patients when theyre deemed ready to go upstairs (by the doctor and the nurse) after the admitting department has provided a bed for the patient.

I cannot stress that last bit enough; i set up transportation AFTER all steps have been checked off. I am the LAST person in a chain of events that allows a patient to get upstairs. As a secretary I have no actual power; i am physically unable to interact with any part of this process except for the one assigned to me.

SO

Around 12:20, i get a call from a man asking for a status update on their father. Elderly man whos been waiting for a bed for about 2 hours now. Our ER is insanely crowded compared to most hospitals and today our census was around 90-100 (which is average for us). Having a long wait time is to be expected, especially since the floors patients get admitted to are equally booked and crowded.

So i tell the man the typical response i give to people inquiring about relatives waiting to go upstairs, “the patient is going to be staying overnight but there is currently no bed assigned.”

“so do you know when he’ll be going upstairs??”

“No, from my screen it says that they are still currently waiting for the bed to become available on the floor. So until the space is freed up somehow, they will have to stay in the Emergency Room.”

Now this is usually when they say “can i speak to the nurse taking care of so n so; i just want to make sure theyre okay” or “oh thats okay, i just wanted to make sure they were on the board”. But no, this dude couldnt be okay with either of those choices.

“So you cant tell me when theyre going upstairs?”

“No, I cant. Were not the ones who distribute the beds. Thats Admittings responsibility.” (I literally just gave him is answer 30 seconds ago)

“So who can I talk to to get information on my dad?”

“…do you…do you mean his current status? Because then I can transfer you to his nurse-”

“No i mean information on his bed.”

“Admitting.”

“Can u transfer me there?”

So I transfer him. Poof, gone, goodbye, hope he gets his answers.

IMMEDIATELY, he calls back. “Is this the emergency room?”

“Yes, how can i help you?”

*repeats the entire thing again*

“Sir, i CANT help, admitting is the only department that can give you any answers. If theyre transferring you back to me, its because they cannot help you.”

“But there has to be some kind of waiting list. If hes going upstairs, who determines who gets a bed upstairs first?”

So like, the problem is that he 1) does not work here and 2) does not understand what the actual issue is. Because his dad is most certainly next in line. The problem is that the floors are so filled to the brim with sick patients that theres No Space For Him. Its not us trying to withhold beds, its us having more sick patients than we can handle.

And its even more complicated than that: some people are special needs and require an enclosed room. Some people are in isolation, some people are contagious, some people are a fall risk, some people need security, some people need 24/7 surveillance. Because the floors are so packed, we have Hallway Beds which is basically just the ER but with less patients so its calmer and quieter. Some people dont qualify for the hallway placements or ‘Overflow Beds’ because of the aforementioned needs.

Basically, his dad needed a bed on a floor that was at max capacity and unless there were some extreme last minute changes, there wouldnt be any space.

So i tell him “We CANT speed up the process any faster, we have to wait for people to leave the floor and make space for him.” Its like a car on the curb blocked in by two other cars. Yeah, you want the space that car is in, but until those other two cars are dealt with, youre just gonna have to sit there.

He asks if he could get transferred again so I transferred him.

They IMMEDIATELY transfer him back. So i transfer him again. This time, before they transfer him back to me, they tell us to transfer him to our Charge Nurse. So we do that. And for 5 minutes, hes on the phone w our Charge before she tells us to transfer him back to admitting. So we transfer him AGAIN.

and he calls us !! Either they hung up on him or they ignored the call but he calls back asking for the Charge Nurse. And when she refuses to pick up, he asks for admitting.

This went on for over a fucking hour. An hour of ONE fucking ignorant entitled selfish piece of shit calling and harrassing us to page “The Charge Nurse” “Admitting” “The nurse taking care of my dad” “The DOCTOR taking care of my dad”.

And every single time he called it was for one of these people. And the problem was that we all talked to him!! All of us!! I talked to him! My coworkers did! The charge, admitting, the nurse, the doctor !! They all answered and he still kept calling. And it was getting to a point where we started ignoring his number because he was stopping us from answering OTHER calls.

And he would call from other numbers because we werent answering his call.

Just

AN HOUR AND A HALF of nonstop calling for what ?? To expedite your dad upstairs?? To skip everyone else whos been waiting ahead of him? Why do u think your dad deserves special treatment??

No one understands how our paging system works; i just hold the call and it gets set to 1 of 19 speeddial numbers. And i page that specific speeddial number overhead in the loudspeaker. I cannot physically force anyone to pick up that number; if they hear it and choose to ignore it, i can never MAKE them answer it.

At around 1:30, i notice that his dad has received a bed. Which is good! So when he calls, im still fucking irritated but i tell him “is this about your dad? Bc he now has a bed and-”

“Oh I already know that, i already talked to the charge nurse and admitting and made that happen”

What?

“You made that happen?”

“Yes, im just trying to talk to the doctor for something else”

So I transfer him to the doctor and stare at my coworker bewildered bc…this dude is full of shit lmao Theres no way HE did it, this is not any random fast food joint where you can complain to the manager and get shit done your way. Everything is done in order, no amount of yelling or grovelling is gonna make anything go faster. Because its not that we dont FEEL like admitting people, its that we as an entire unit cannot FIT that many people.

So either 1) the patient left. Either AMA (against medical advice) or discharged. And discharge is more likely because if the patient that left was an elderly or bedconfined patient, then an ambulance couldve picked them up to bring them back to a nursing home or something similar

2) the patient in the room was downgraded to a hallway bed WHILE they were on the floor. Which is believable but AWFUL. Hallway beds are just stretchers in the hall, and you can get an Actual room when one opens up: all it does is allow you to be in a floor with a max of 30 people instead of a floor of up to 150+ people. So to get bumped down is terrible

Or 3) someone who had a hallway bed and was waiting for a regular bed got bumped and skipped in favor of this random dudes dad. Which is EQUALLY bad

But also, I really didnt know what this dude wanted. Because now that hes got the bed i would assume thats finished and he could just go to sleep or something. Once the bed is assigned and the last charting is complete, getting them upstairs is SUPER quick compared to everything else. About 20 mins max to pick up the patient and travel across the hospital to get them upstairs.

But hes apparently been bugging the doctors to complete their charts, harrassing the nurses to do the same; the entire 20 or so minutes i was ignoring him was to essentially get them to finish the chart. But like…??? They have other patients?? And they had to stop what they were doing to answer the calls. And even they stopped responding because they knew that if they heard their name over the loudspeaker, it was because of this dude.

So finally, at like 1:50, I pick up the line. And hes asking for the doctor. And i ask him WHY is he calling the doctor, because theyre not gonna pick up for him, and all i can do is page overhead.

And in the most fake, cali girl kind of voice (bc he DID have a cali girl voice only now it was clearly fake chill) “well, i WAS trying to get the doctor to pick up the phone but maybe you can help me instead.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely try my best.”

“So is there anyway I can get my dad upstairs a bit faster?”

And im like u fucking idiot, you fucking dick wasting all this time, all MY TIME “See you called at 1:30”

“Yes.”

“And i asked, i specifically asked 'was this about your dad? Because he has a bed right now’ and you dismissed me because you felt that the doctor could give you answers, not realizing that if you had just told me 'yes, its about my dad’ i wouldve told you that everything was set up and that we were waiting for transportation to bring them upstairs.”

“Well yes but-”

“So because you thought you were cutting out the middle man, you made me page these nurses and doctors overhead to get NOTHING done. When I couldve just answered you from the getgo.”

And im so irritated and HEATED bc this dude called for 30 minutes just to make his dad skip ahead of everyone else and there was NO way i was letting that happen.

“So is he just waiting for transportation to go upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Is there anyway I can do that myself?”

“??? No?? Only the transporter can bring them upstairs.”

“Why?”

“???????because its their job????????? Thats what they do???? Bring patients from the ER to the floor.”

“So you mean to tell me that I have to wait? Wait like I had to wait for admitting to get off their asses and get my dad a bed?”

“Thats generally what happens when theres a line of people; you go in order”

So i tell him, “Do you work here? Because unless you are a transporter you are physically unable to bring him upstairs” and hes like “well i should be because no one else in this hospital is doing their job. How is it I managed to get my dad a bed in just three minutes?? How is it that if hes being transported from one department to another, why cant I just wheel him up in a wheelchair.” Im answering his stupid questions as simply as possible but hes just refusing to listen. Like why we need to have transporters transport patients (bc the ID is the only thing that unlocks the door, bc the transporters are the only ones with access to the whole building) or like why its going to take longer because we have limited transporters tonight.

And like..i need to leave…bc i just have no tolerance for people anymore. I cant do it, i get so livid, i wanted to break my phone and smash it into the wall. If this fucker was out on the block i wouldve been throwing fists; he WOULD be catching these fucking hands.

I cant remember word for word what he was saying because it was just him yelling and cursing at me about how this entire building is incompetent, how we told him to wait until his dad got a bed and if he had listened, if he hadnt INTERVENED, he would STILL be waiting, that if he was working there things would be going alot more smoother, shit would be getting done, how theres no reason the place should be understaffed because its the holiday weekend and we should be prepared for this (not realizing that the department literally understaffs us BECAUSE its the holiday weekend and the census is always lower than usual)

Just him assuming no one was doing their job, then complaining for almost TWO HOURS and then assuming that his complaining worked when in reality it was just completely coincidental; that if he really 'got a bed in three minutes’ i wouldve seen a bed appear at 12:40, not 1:30.

And they taking it out on the transporters as if they WANT to be understaffed and stuck transporting patients to 7 different locations across the entire building; patients who need to go to the floors, to sono, to CT, to MRI, and then required to be taken back. To be so understaffed that people delegated to cleaning have to stop and pitch in once in a while to help their coworkers. And he had the NERVE to try and skip past people who were patiently waiting, who were waiting longer than his dad had been waiting.

He asked to speak to the “Head of transportation ” and i wanted to laugh so hard, i could not stop myself from mocking him “oh the HEAD of transportation! Let me transfer you.” Straight to the fucking operator lmao kiss my ass have fun trying to find that person at exactly 2:03am on a monday morning and a HOLIDAY no less

The dad eventually went upstairs. He waited like everyone else in this ER and from this point on, if he wants to cause a scene, im sending the son Straight to the floor his dad is sleeping on so he can harass them because i am done™

[variablejabberwocky]

well today was...eventful

went to doc appt and found out my regular doc wasn’t in that day so it was some dude i’ve never met.

was very attentive and respectful and like straight up? was a better doc experience than ive ever had with main doc, and better than most i’ve had since i hit puberty

that includes him calling the cops on me

let me explain: tried to keep the whole trans thing under wraps because that tends to End Badly but he was very upfront with how he didn’t feel he was qualified to get me the meds to stop my cycle from happening again (which, yeah, fair enough) but he would put in a rec for a gyno and when i told him how i REALLY FUCKING NEEDED THAT ASAP and why he said he’d put a priority note on it so they should call me between monday and wednesday of next week to schedule a thing.

he then went “well this suicidal thing is FAR more important than anythign else you’ve brought up to also be addressed so let me ask some more info on that bit real quick” and basically i wasn’t able to answer to his satisfaction that i’d be safe to go home tonight

so he called the cops and they came to talk to me but doc dude was hella competent because he let them know i’d been assaulted and thats why i started to cry and shake and go nonverbal when the patdown started. so they backed off and i DIDN’T go into a ptsd fueled wrestling match with a cop. which is good, because that kind of shit NEVER goes well.

but yeah, cops said i didn’t seem like someone they needed to force a watch on but they really recommended i go in voluntarily and they escort me there. which meant i got to have Babby’s First Cop Car Ride. surprisingly it wasn’t in handcuffs.

problem is where they took me was on of those state-mandated method-of-last-resort kind of deals so they weren’t really equipped to give me the talk the doc and cops thought they could (no fucking shit, its only been every shrink they've had that has talked to me before who’s said that) but yeah. they meant well

anyway when you go in by cop car, even voluntarily, they have to hold you for 4 hours so thats where i spent most of my evening. learned that there is a particular kind of monotone that comes with suicidal thoughts. mostly by hearing it in my own voice then again in the voices of the next 3 people who came in after me.

guy working there though listened to what was going on, confirmed that where i’m living is Not A Good Place For Trans Healthcare, and recced a place in LA that is like the mecca of good care. i also got told how to get temp long-term shrink visits at that place until i can get something sorted out with my main healthcare provider place/thing

only found out later that apparently the doc from way back this afternoon had called mom a little while after i got admitted at emergency place to see if i’d made it and to let her know he’d followed thorugh whith the other stuff i’d asked about before the whole cop thing

so yeah. a complete and total fucking stranger gave me better care within 20 minutes of meeting me than my other doc (and so very many others) have given me in years.

so im not going back to her.

ever.

we’re gonna set up the gyno (and if that won’t be soon enough then we’ll schedule with planned parenthood locally, i know now they’ll do non-triggering treatment for my issues, or do a walk-in until i know for a fact i don’t have to face this hormonal hell ever again), set up shrink time, and look into that place in LA for trans stuff

tonight has not been the outcome i hoped but it’s been so very much better than i expected. yes even with the cops and suicide watch place and everything. thats how bad i was expecting shit to go.

so i think imma be...well not great and maybe not even okay but at least able to keep trucking on for a little while longer yet

still that timer counting down to next month but at least there are people taking that problem seriously and hopefully that translated into it actually being addressed in time

[the-hero-of-queens-blog]

guys I have such a great Battle of The Bands!AU for Voltron/Klance and I’m working on this alongside my criminal minds/Voltron Crimues Unit!AU so here are some hc from it 

* So in most Klance!AU fics/AUs it’s Keith who’s the last to guy of is reluctant but what if Lance was the last one * Okay, so here’s some background info before we get into The Story

* Everyone’s Role    * Pidge        * She’s crazy on the keyboard and she has some crazy upgrades to their tech    * Hunk        * Hunk is an amazing second guitarist and an amazing groupie for the rest of the band        * He loves to go alongside the base and keep the foundation of the song steady        * He’s not int crazy solos and stuff, unlike someone    * Allura        * This girl is the singer of the band, she could play instruments but decided her favorite was her voice and her words        * She writes the bands songs as well does crazy covers        * She also helps manage the band with Coran        * She used to be a duo with her brother before he decided he wasn’t going to play for people anymore, hence why she created the band at her school        * She missed the music and the connection, mainly the connection with her brother, who is so distant and different than before    * Coran        * He is the manager of the band        * He is in charge of getting them gigs and gets them into BOTB and is just amazing        * He is also like their weird uncle but when lance joins, he is like SON?    * Shiro        * The unofficial co-leader with allure to the band        * He plays the bass and is the actual foundation and leader of the group        * She’s been in love with Allura since day one but he think she looks at him like a friend but girl has been planning their wedding since the second band practice together        * Keith’s older brother and best friend    * Keith!!        * Keith is the drummer of the group        * He loves to go crazy on them        * He considers it the best therapy        * He takes the band vey seriously and doesn’t understand the really pretty boy that joins the team and is so cocky but also quiet??        * Lance confuses him a lot and it makes him very frustrated    * Lance        * Lance plays the lead guitar        * Unlike hunk, he loves solos and crazy tricks and stuff        * Lance has a hard time expressing his feelings beyond his happy semi-cocky personality        * But with the guitar he can be open and express his happiness and pain and anger        * he used to love to perform, but seemingly suddenly, decides against doing it ever again until circumstances * Lance and Keith both went to Garrison College before Keith transferred a year before the story starts    * He just didn’t like it and he’s brother was going to another school so Keith decided to switch * While at the garrison, both Keith and lance had a feud over the “best” rehearsal room and would always fight to get it * when Keith leaves, even though they faded, Lance feels sad bc that was the only person he really interacted * He really struggled at the garrison and didn’t have any friends beside his feud * Randomly, in the middle of the year a (the year after Keith leaves) Lance suddenly drops out without a word * The next school year, Lance’s sister, Allure (you prob figured it out already lol) pulled some strings so that her brother could join her at Altea University * Still, he refuses to go to Allura’s band practices or gigs and won’t play with her * He still had no friends and is even more closed off and guarded than before * Until one day, he was using one of the rehearsal rooms at Altea and is found by Pidge, Shiro, and Hunk * They pretty much beg him to join their band and he refuses * They then ask him to at least come to their practice the next night * He reluctantly agrees, because friends? He doesn’t really know * He does know that he misses the music and connection as much as Allure does * At this point, no one knows Allura has a brother bc it’s a touchy subject bc of everything between them * So when he shows up at HER practice she is like OMG HE CAME!!! IM GETTING THROUGH * And then Shiro is like oh you came awesome * And Alluras like what? * And they’re like this is the guy we told you about * And she’s like are u kidding I’ve been asking you for months to come and three random dude ask once and you actually come!!! * And he’s like uh yeah? * And she is like god I would have done that months ago then * So then he sees Keith and he’s #triggered * And he like oh my god it’s the mullet! * And Keith is like, do I know you???and lance gets all pissed bc seriously the only person he considered a friend?? Person?? In his life at garrison doesn’t even remember him?? * Anyway he ends up getting super into the band and at the last second decides to join in and plays * And THEN Keith remembers bc god this kid is amazing and he knows it oh my * by the end of practice, lance decides to join and everyone is so excited (Even Keith who wont admit it) * And after that, the team latches on to lance and he’s so confused bc yeah he’s pretty good on his guitar but why are they interested in him? * Anyway time goes in and it’s time for their first kid with Lance and he is freaking out * Like having a panic attack and is like “OMG OMG OMG I CANT DO IT OCANT “ and no one knows where he is and Keith gets pissed * So he goes and find lance * Except lance is sitting with his knees to his chest in a janitor closet that Keith happened to walk past and he’s hyperventilating and crying so hard and Keith is like oh fuck * And lance is only half aware but he expects Keith to lash out at him * But Keith is so gentle and tender and helps him through it * And after he calms down, he talks to him about things and convinces him to join them * And the concert is amazing!!! He has so much fun and him and Keith play off each other with solos and the whole band is like omg what is happening * And after the concert, lance and Keith are friends?? * No more like best friends * They are always together and they’re not hostile anymore, all bickering is playful and allure can see her brother being flirty!! * And she just so happy and she’s finally having that Connection again and she’s so happy * They have more gigs and things are going great, they find out they qualified for the battle of the bands and their all so happy and excited * Everything seems to be going perfectly * But off something had to happen * Something in lances life couldn’t stay good * So after a concert, they decided to stay a bit bc the bar is chill with it * So they’re all hanging out and having a great time * Lance has to pee and goes to the bathroom and things are good until he leaves the bathroom and sees the last person he wants to see EVER * Motor is standing there, the biggest, coldest smirk on his face and lance can feel all the tan color in his cheeks flee * And lotor is a complete asshole * Saying how his own band, the empire, from Galra university is in the battle of the bands and Voltron doesn’t stand a chance * And to make it worse, he just verbally/mentally/emotionally degrades lance to the point where he becomes hysterical and sobbing and gasping for breath and shaking * And lotor says how he ruins voltron and no one needs him and he ruins everything and this isn; the first time *  Lance comes back to the group like this and everyone is like WTF WHAT HAPPENED WTF and he’s literally pulling them begging to leave and they’re like okay okay just give us a second and then Allura sees him * She sees Lotor walking away from where lance came from and she freaks out * Shiro has to physically hold her back and she is screaming and Lotor just laughs and pays them no mind because he has already caused the rift, planted the seed * This only makes Lance more upset and he just grabs Keith in a death grip and is like please please please I want to go home please I just need to go home * So Keith is like oh my god okay and just takes lance back to his and Alluras house bc he didn’t drink (neither did lance) * And he stays until lance is changed and in bed and he thinks that he should leave so lance isn’t uncomfortable but lance asks him to stay and he gets into bed with Lance bc he can’t say no to him he loves him * And yea he’s known it but he hasn’t said anything and he can’t * He couldn’t do anything to hurt this beautiful amazing boy * Little does he know that lance has been falling since he helped him in that janitor closet and he wishes that someone like Keith loved him * And Keith just holds him, their face to face and Keith is rubbing his back so softly and lance wants to kiss him so bad * But he can’t * Not without him knowing the entire story of what happened last year and how he even knows Lotor * And Keith just listens and waits for lance to finish and the whole time she is holding him so softly but firm all the same and it feeling grounds lance and helps him get through it * And when he’s done Keith wants to kill motor bc how could anyone do that to Lance?? * and Keith gives this whole speech without thinking * About how amazing lance is and exactly why and how lance deserves so much better and all the loving shit * And lance is just amazed bc no one has said that to him * And now here is Keith saying it!!! * And is just realizes that he has to kiss Keith * He has to bc he has done so much for him and he just loves him so much that thanks isn’t enough to convey how much he is thankful and loves Keith * So, with they’re laying in his bed, with Keith rubbing circles on his back and looking at him like he was the sun and the moon, he kisses Keith  

I know there is a ton here and there is a ton that isn’t said so look at for the fic later! Gave out so much more than I tought but I am happy. I love this AU so much! 

[mini-zerk-her]

MAYBE ITS MY FAULT- CALFREEZY IMAGINE

So I got carried away and this is really long... But I also love it so I hope you do. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Maybe I was the cause of all the problems in my relationship with Cal. Maybe it was actually me and not him. I mean we both had fucked up schedules and many times we went weeks without actually seeing each other. He goes to bed around three in the morning and I wake up at about four in the morning to train. I don't get home till about five and by then Cal is already filming or doing other things. I'm a gymnast and he's youtuber and quite honestly I thought his schedule was messing us up, but now I'm sure it's mine. I do an hour of yoga and stretching before eating breakfast and doing a few miles of running. Then I drive to the gym where I live from six to three. Then I finally head home to my flat and I'm exhausted, but it doesn't end there because after dinner I go back to the gym to teach a class for the little ones. Unfortunately, for my relationship, I do this Monday through Friday and weekends are the same minus teaching classes. Maybe I was the reason my relationship was failing. It was most likely me and the olympics. "Why are you falling off the beam on a simple turn?!" My trainer screams from the other side of the gym and I look up at him. "Because my relationship is failing!" I scream back. "Well get back on the beam and focus. Even the three year olds can turn on beam without falling and you have a gold medal on it." He has a point. You'd think after being an overall bronze medalist at worlds two years in a row and having a gold medal on beam at the olympics, I'd be able to do better. "Can you get through today's practice or do I need to send you home to work out your boyfriend troubles?" He asks and I shake my head. "No because he doesn't even realize that we're falling apart." I explain before stepping back onto the beam. "Nope get on down. You're not gonna get injured right now because you're unfocused." He reaches up and grabs my waist before pulling me down. "Go home, talk to him and come back here tomorrow ready to stick the routine we've given you because in two months you're competing in the qualifier and I need your head on straight and the routine clean." "Okay." I nod in agreement before walking over to my bag and pulling on my team Great Britain sweatshirt that match my blue shorts that sit on top of my leotard. Once I'm outside I pull out my phone and stare at it for a few moments. "Hey Cal, can I come over?" "Yeah of course. I just have some of the guys over filming. I thought you had training." "Let me out early, but I'll be over in a few. Love you." "Love you too. I'll unlock the door." He hangs up and by the time I get to the flat all I hear is pure chaos. "It's the Olympic gymnast who got stuck dating Callum!" I hear Harry shout before pulling me in for a hug. "Aren't you usually doing flips at this time of day?" He asks and I nod. "Coach sent me home." I explain as he steps away and let's Cal come over to greet me. "You hurt?" He questions before kissing me on my head. "No just off my game I guess. I mean I fell off the beam doing a simple pirouette and I'm the gold medalist on beam. I do pirouettes in my sleep." I ramble slightly and he notices something is wrong. "Well go change and join us." He pats me on the shoulder and I nod before placing my bag down and walking to his room. I pull off my leotard and other clothes before grabbing one of his weezy tops and pulling my shorts back on. I go to leave his room before looking in the mirror and realize I actually look like shit. "I'm not gonna be caught on camera with this." I mumble as I pull my hair out of the messy bun. I quickly put some concealer on my neck because a bruise the beam gave me looks like a hickey and then I'm 'ready' to be seen by others. "Guys look it's the girl with the Olympic gold medal." Someone throws a vlogging camera in my face. "Stop it. It was one gold medal." "Yeah but you're family has a room in their house dedicated to medals and awards that you received growing up." Cal points out "Well it's my only Olympic gold medal." "My bad I forgot about the bronze on uneven bars." "I could be better. Have you met the American team their incredible." I look down at my callused hands and think about the eighteen years of my life that have been dedicated to the sport. My twenty first birthday was spent at the gym training for nationals. I mean I pushed so much of my life off just to compete. Yet I still feel unaccomplished. Like I could do more and to others it sounds stupid but for me it's just the life of a gymnast. "Anyway I'm gonna go lie down. I didn't realize how out of it I am till now." I stand up off the couch and Callum looks worried. "Guys set up the video I'll be back." He follows me into his room and I take a seat on the bed. "What's going on? You haven't missed a day of training since you had the flu three months ago." He asks and I shrug while rubbing on my right ring finger that has the Olympic Rings tattooed onto it. "I'm ruining our relationship. I mean we barely ever see each other and when we do, the guys are around, or we're both out of it and tired. I mean we haven't spent time watching Netflix and relaxing together in months. I mean we maybe get to call each other every week or so." I shrug before looking up and facing the reality. "I mean you started dating me right after the Olympics and I'm not the same person I was back then. I had about three or four months of normalcy where I just hung out and relaxed and only went to the gym twice a week. Now it's a year later and I'm training hard for nationals and to make the national team for worlds. This is the real me and the real me is fucking up everything. I mean did you not notice my lack of presence at the party last week or that I wasn't there for the Sidemen football match? I mean I missed a lot and I feel like you don't care. Like it doesn't matter." "You think I don't care or notice that you aren't there? Cause I do and yeah it hurts but I don't say anything because you're pursing a dream and I'm not gonna stop you from doing that. You're incredible and I'm not gonna stop you from reaching you're highest potential. I don't wanna make you feel bad so I don't say anything. And yeah maybe you and I don't talk much and this is the first time I've seen you in person in a month, but I still love you. I mean what do you want me to say? That I mad? Cause I am, but I'm not gonna do that to you. I mean it sucks when all the others guys have their girlfriends around and we all go out to eat and mine isn't there because she's training. Yeah it sucks but I don't say anything because I'm not gonna stop you from doing you're best. Im not gonna make you feel like shit for doing you. So don't come in here and act like I don't try because it's you that doesn't have time for me." He shouts back and I realize that I was... no I am... the problem. "So what does this mean?" I ask and he places his hands over his face before looking up at the ceiling and back down to me. "I think it means we're done." He admits and I nod before picking up my bag and walking out of the room. "Wait where you going?" Harry asks and I just ignore him. Once I'm out of the flat I just run. I run to my car and I drive straight to the gym. "Why are you back here? I'm not letting you train upset." "I'm here because he fucking broke up with me." I finally respond after a few moments of silence. "And I'm ready to train." --//-- "You look so tense. Like go get a drink." My teammate jokes and actually consider that as an option. "I mean Cal and I split like a month ago and I have been quite lonely. I mean I haven't slept with a guy in so long. I mean it's hard to have a sex life when I'm always here." "Well there's always the boys." She motions over to the chalk bin where some of the Olympic guys are standing. "Mel really?" I fidget with my grips and she nods. "I mean I had that fling with Luke." She smiles and I look over at them. "They're just as horny as we are. Like I'm just about to for one of them at this point." She shrugs and I nod.s "Let them know you're single sweetie." I wink before grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the chalk bin by the bars. "Move it or lose it boys." I smirk before looking up. "Or do something with it." "Oh is that right?" Ash grabs my waist and I nod. He pulls me closer to his body and leans down to kiss behind my ear. "I'll see you by my car." He leaves another kiss on my neck before looking around. "I'm sorry do you guys need some space?" I hear my coach shout and I quickly pull away from Ash and turn around to face my trainer who is holding up an elastic band. "I thought we were doing bars." I raise an eyebrow and he holds up another elastic band. "You and Ash here and gonna be having fun today and not the fun you wanted to have." He throws the bands at us and I contemplate throwing myself on the ground and crying. "Feet together and up the rope. Come on you two, now you're gonna do that ten times each and once you're done do it another ten times." He shouts and Ash looks at me while smirking. "Good I'll get to see your cute ass climb up the rope." "Not gonna be cute when he makes us do even worse things. Last time he caught me kissing my boyfriend I was sixteen and he made me do twenty times up the rope, a five mile run, and thirty standing tucks before making me call the boy and tell him he would ruin my future and I couldn't date him." "Wait really?" "Yeah and he only let me date after I won gold on beam. Now he's pissed because of you because he thinks you're gonna ruin my chance at gold again." I explain while tying my ankles together. "What about my chance at gold?" He jokes and I grab onto the rope. "My bad I mean my chance at gold for the third worlds in a row." He reaches over and tries to tip me over before climbing up the rope. --- "So Im gonna go take an ice bath. I gotta take an ice bath." I limp over to ice baths as Asher follows me. My trainer had us do five miles, and then it got worse. Back tuck followed by a burpee. Twenty sets of five followed by chin ups on the high bar and then he made me continue running. Then he made me do my floor routine full out four times in row. The worst was that Ash was allowed to stop after the running and he sat back cheering me on while laughing. "Can you possibly carry me?" I ask and he grabs onto my waist and throws me over his shoulder. Once we get to the ice baths he puts me down and I slowly climb into the freezing water. "How's the boyfriend been?" He asks and I can't help but laugh. "I wouldn't have flirted with you if he was still my boyfriend." I explain and he leans against the edge of the tub next to me. "Why'd you split?" "I don't have time for a relationship when I'm here being an Olympic gymnast." "Oh trust me... There's time. That one hour break we get between twelve and one for lunch and then the break we have from three to seven and again when you have a break at nine after you're done teaching the little ones. Trust me there's time, but unless both people are trying, you won't feel like there is time." "And weekends at night. You're boyfriend sounds like an ass." He laughs and I shake my head. "No I'm the ass. I didn't try either. I wanted him to try and I couldn't expect him to." I look up at him and he shakes his head before standing up. "I can't sleep with you. I'm sorry but I was flirting back because I'm an ass but you love another guy. Like come on you still love Cal." He grabs my hand and pulls me up out of the ice bath. "You should stretch, take a shower, and go get your boyfriend back." "No I don't love him anymore, it's fine." I try to dissuade him and he smiles softly. "Can't do that to you. I mean you're on my Olympic team." He laughs and I cross my arms over my chest. "Okay, well thanks Asher." ---- "Hey Harry, is Callum home? I gotta talk to him." "Oh, what're you doing here?" He hugs me before pulling me inside and pointing to the kitchen. "Wait before I go, is he seeing someone new?" I ask and he shakes his head. "You're good." He laughs while motioning for me to follow him inside. "Callum? Can we talk?" I ask and he looks up before nodding and motioning for him to follow me. "Mind me asking why you're here?" He asks while shutting the door behind us. "Cause I got to practice and for the first time since I was sixteen I got fully punished. I had to climb the rope with just my upper body twenty times and then ran five miles. Then did so many back tucks into burpees that I almost passed out and it didn't stop there. I had to do chin ups and handstands and all that other shit before dying and doing my floor routine fully out." "The last time that happened I got caught having my first kiss outside. It was my first boyfriend and it was so worth the pain I endured after. However, today wasn't the same because I got caught flirting with another guy who then turned me down because he told me I'm still in love with you. And he's right, I am still in love with you, but he also made a really good point and I want you to listen." I place my bag down and he motions for me to continue. "He mentioned that I do have enough time for us. He pointed out that there is enough time and I think I messed up before and yeah I do want to get back together but please just tell me if I'm already overstepping my boundaries. I mean I'll just go now if you don't want to get back together." "Don't think that, please don't think that. Yes I want to get back together and yes I'll find a way to work this out so please don't cry." He pulls me into his arms and I wrap my arms around his waist. "Missed you shorty." He pulls away and brushes my hair away from my face before kissing me. "I love you." He picks me up and I place my face into his shoulder. "I love you too." I smile before leaving kisses on his cheek. "I love you so so much." I laugh as I keep leaving kisses on his cheek and he smiles before turning his head and kissing me again. "I'm not letting you go again."