#again i never follow my own fuckin advice

[ardenrabbit]

your work is all so amazing!! do you have any advice for writers who maybe want to start writing longer fanfictions?

Ahh!! Fhhfkf thank you!!! ;^; I don't know how useful or coherent my advice might be, but here's what's helped me in the past:

1. Know what kind of writer you are. If you work better by starting with a structured outline, do that, but make sure to actually start WRITING the scenes after that lol. If you get more momentum by diving in and just seeing where the story goes, do that, but make sure you have a DIRECTION to go in. A healthy balance of planning and discover-as-you-go is the most fun in my experience. (I usually start by improvising and having fun with a concept and then gradually cornering myself into planning lol. By then, planning isn't a chore; it's just satisfying to see everything fall together.)

2. Don't force an idea to be a long fic if it doesn't need to be. If you feel like your concept would be better served by a short fic, do it justice by not stretching it into a shape it doesn't need.

3. If your concept is bigger and does need a long fic format, make sure you know what threads you're weaving together. Write an actual list of themes, subplots, and character arcs and keep track of them, and figure out how you want to pace them in relation to one another.

4. Have resources prepped! Name banks for minor characters; notes/links to articles on the time period/environment/culture you're writing about; pictures that inspire you; songs that hype you up for your story or the characters... Mostly, if you don't like doing research, START LIKING IT. Find joy in researching the symptoms of hypovolemic shock and the native flora of Northern China. Look up multiple sources for each little topic. (I just keep a messy list of links and notes in the bottom of my docs lol)

5. If you get stuck or bored, revisit the source material. Watching/reading the original story can remind you why you got so excited to write fic about it and refresh your ideas.

6. If you're bored while writing a scene, it's probably boring to read. Don't turn writing into a chore. Think about what needs to happen in a scene and why it matters, find what you care about in it, and follow that. If it starts feeling like you don't need a scene and that you were just using it to fill in time, cut it.

7. My favorite thing: don't be afraid to write out of order. Write little blurbs or pieces of dialogue for chapters way ahead, if you have something in mind! Give yourself a goal to catch up to. It'll help you get the big picture of your whole fic and then fill in the scenes you need to get there.

8. Don't let people tell you what to write!! This goes both ways: if people say "it should've gone like [thing you don't wanna do]," tell them to shush and write their own shit. If they say "it would be so cool if [thing you were already planning] happened," do it anyway! You don't have to change just for the element of surprise. Don't twist the story out of place just because someone guessed your awesome idea. Everyone will be happier for it.

9. Don't settle for your first draft if it doesn't feel right. If you're working on a scene and it doesn't fulfill what you need, restart it from as many angles as necessary until you're happy. Seriously, building off a scene you don't like will make you feel dissatisfied and poison everything to follow.

10. Talk about your fic with people who hype you up about it. If you're not used to writing long stories, do what you need to keep you motivated and EXCITED about it. If asking someone to beta read helps you, do it! (I almost never ask for beta readers bc I'm a control freak, but honestly they can be so helpful.)

11. The forbidden tip: if you lose interest halfway through, it's okay to drop it. Do what makes you happy. You don't owe anyone anything and you're doing this for free. Try to finish it though lol, it's so satisfying to see a work complete. Do it for the dopamine at the end.

Disclaimer: I write long fics 1) because I like to soak in them and savor them and 2) because I don't know how to shut up and write short ones lol. I deeply admire people with the skill to just say what they need to say and wrap up a story neatly.

Also, I don't follow my own advice. Plenty of my scenes have fluff that I could have cut but didn't because Mark Twain is dead and can't tell me what to do lmao

I hope this had something helpful in it 😅 Good luck! 💖💖💖

[shutupineedtothink]

More Moiraine & Lan (and the Bond) thoughts, because I really just can’t help myself.

Just thinking about how we know every Aes Sedai and Warder share the Bond, but we don’t see any other AS/Warder teams using it as a form of communication NEARLY as much as Moiraine and Lan do.

Like these mofos are having full conversations with head tilts and tiny eyebrow raises and 3 seconds of eye contact from the jump. Sometimes not even looking at each other. And it’s extra great if you’re a show only like me because you only realize it when you go back later after all the stuff with the Bond is explained in 1x04/1x05. Like I remember thinking when I was first watching the pilot ‘wow, these two are really in sync, clearly they’ve known each other a long time,’ but it’s so much more than that obviously.

Now, one easy explanation for this is that we’re just seeing them the most, they’re main characters, and s1 especially does a lot of work hyping up the Bond and how important it is so that we get the full impact of them being cut off later. Makes sense.

But… idk like even Alanna and Ihvon and Maksim, who are actually in a romantic relationship, don’t seem to prefer the Bond as a way to communicate. We even see them have their little diplomatic discussion before Ihvon goes to follow Tomas. It’s an actual conversation. Maksim even prefers the Bond masked, so I guess in that way they kind of have to talk to each other.

Verin and Tomas are pretty quiet in general, but still it’s not emphasized that they use the Bond to communicate that much. Perhaps this is also highlighted by Tomas’s advice to Lan that the Bond isn’t the only common language they share with their Aes Sedai.

Except for Moiraine and Lan, it’s like AT LEAST 80%. It’s the primary way they communicate. Because 1. they’re both so naturally reserved on the outside (but feel very deeply on the inside), and 2. I imagine it comes in handy to be extra good at it when you’re on the road searching for the Dragon Reborn and you don’t want everyone around you to know what you’re about.

Then there’s Stepin’s comment from s1 to Kerene, “Can you imagine their dinners?” Which is funny but also very telling. To all the other Aes Sedai and Warders, Moiraine and Lan seem pretty cold and distant, to everyone else and each other. But again, that’s by design to protect their mission. They’re just having conversations no one else can see, even other Bonded pairs. It’s like most AS and their Warders use the Bond as insurance, a fail safe even, to understand and communicate with each other, with normal human communication (i.e. TALKING) as the primary method. But for Moiraine and Lan it’s the other way around.

My POINT BEING, that this adds weight to their storyline in S2. Like they are REALLY struggling because on top of everything else, this fundamental piece of their relationship and communication is just gone. And it opens a door for Moiraine to push Lan away, when she NEVER would have been able to before, practically or emotionally. And he reels from her attacks because he’s just not as good at understanding her without the Bond, when he would have seen right through that shit before, just from feeling alone. So Tomas can say to him, you need to really listen, but 20 years of shared emotional mind reading is not that easy to bypass. You don’t learn normal person communication skills overnight. Certainly not when there’s this gaping hole in your head/heart where another person you probably knew better than yourself should be but isn’t.

Anyway, I think it just adds even more credence to why they’re both so lost throughout most of S2, especially Lan. And what makes them so badass with the Bond but so absolutely uncoordinated without it. And why every other Aes Sedai/Warder thinks they’re fuckin weird. And why we love them, because who doesn’t want to be so fundamentally understood like that? Who doesn’t want their own secret language with someone that no one else really gets, but that person gets you on a level so real it can’t be replaced? That’s what we’re all reaching for, and that’s what they have with each other. For better or worse.

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[morgana-ren]

Hello! Came here from ao3, I really love your fics and writing style.

I just wanted to ask (and feel free to ignore if you dont want to answer) since you write a lot of dark content, have you ever gotten rude messages from people or pearl clutchers commenting on your fics?

I'd like to write darker fics but I'm lowkey worried about the reception to some ideas. Thats why I really admire authors like yourself who write with a great sense of attitude. Do you have any advice? Were you nervous when you first started posting dark fics?

Ooh! Interesting question! So sorry this turned into something SUPER long, but I actually have been exactly where you are right now!

So, funny story! When I first started writing fics fuckin' years ago, I desperately wanted to get into writing darkfic. Traditional, cutesy fics— while awesome for other folks— just did not do it for me at all. It was actually something I'd known and understood since childhood and always wanted to foray into. I never read vanilla stories, and I had genuine trouble writing them for a lack of passion or interest. It was something I was deeply interested in and had ambitions for.

It was actually Tomura Shigaraki that made me dust off the old keyboard and begin writing again, and that... Was a huge problem.

See, the MHA fandom was NOT as accepting as it is now back when I started writing— and I hesitate to call it accepting even now. Darkfic was heavily demonized and even fairly rare to come across. It was a fucking wasteland of nosy, pathetic busybodies who thought very highly of themselves and their opinions and dubbed themselves the saviors of the Internet and took it upon themselves to be horrific, vicious little cunts without a single modicum of self-awareness or shame. They got their jollies bending over backwards to antagonize authors who did anything they didn't like by ironically showcasing their own staggering ignorance of how the mind works and making it everyone else's problem in real life. They were very loud and pretentious about it, and unfortunately, some of them garnered quite a following of vulnerable, ignorant children who hung on their every word and command and were tricked into thinking these people had a single idea what the hell they were talking about.

Harassing real people over fictional characters. Using pop-psychology terms they didn't understand. Biased claims that had no basis in reality. Siccing followers on authors. Stalking and doxxing— you name it, they did it with malevolent, self-righteous glee. People getting death threats and doxxed was a very real problem that had some talented, lovely authors disappear from the Internet entirely and put people's actual lives in danger. Over words. On the Internet.

Darkfic authors were one of the groups that were harassed relentlessly. It was pretty rare to find someone brave enough to post it on AO3, leave alone Tumblr, and those that did were pretty much guaranteed harassment on one level or another, whether it was death threats or call-out posts day in and day out, or just cruel, mean-spirited anons. The pioneers of darkfic in that shithole of a fandom were braver than any US marine lmao.

Needless to say, I was petrified. The first fic I sat down and wrote for the fandom (Vermilion) was pretty harmless for the most part, although it dipped its toes in dark subject matter if you were particularly squeamish. If I had my way, it was going to be much, much darker. I wanted it to be darker desperately, but I was so terrified of the petulant, pathetic fandom mommies that literally made it their job to harass authors over fictional characters that I ended up policing myself over it.

The tipping point for me was making friends who with the few people who did have the balls to post it. Authors who were unbelievably talented and didn't give a fuck what some fandom-obsessed weirdo with a superiority complex had to say about it. They actually gave me the courage to be true to myself, and even then, holy fuck it was harrowing at first. I was shaking when I posted the first dark thing I ever wrote on here.

There was an outpour of support. People who loved the story and wanted more. Slowly, I totally overcame the fear with the mix of people in the community being kind and supportive, and simultaneously realizing how utterly pathetic and almost sad the puritanical pop-science fandom police were. Even now, I feel bad for them. No one healthy has that level of fascination and hatred with someone they don't know or something they don't understand that is ENTIRELY OPTIONAL to consume. It's genuinely sad and strange and is far more dangerous than reading about dubious topics in a fanfic.

Slowly, more people started to write darkfic and post it in defiance of these weirdos, and now it's fairly common! I can also say that thankfully, a lot of the weirdo, obsessive puritans have disappeared. I'm hoping they grew up and realized how absurd the whole thing was and are deeply ashamed of their past actions. You don't have to like or respect stories with dark topics, but talking out of your ass and making up reasons why the authors are bad people who deserve to be harassed and die is... Hilariously ironic.

Now, all that being said, I actually have never received hatemail. I was shocked. Hell, I still am, because some of my stories are genuinely heinous. I think I got someone's attempt at it once, but they were either drunk or a 3 year old, because it was literally incoherent. (And it was over the fact I hate Bakugo and not the content of my stories lmao Bakugo stans be wildin' sometimes.)

I think the closest thing I've gotten to a mean comment is someone commenting (incorrectly) that my German translation was off, and one that basically equated to "I love this story but anything more would be too extreme for me," which was very polite and not intended to be rude (although I wasn't quite sure what the point of the comment was lmao)

My best advice? Be yourself. Unabashedly and without fear. Write that dark content and post it with a smile. Your audience will find you, and you'll find so much love and support in the community eventually. Your fics are for you, and if others don't like it? They can act like an adult and not read something that upsets or offends them. Mean words suck, but there is nothing more liberating than spitting in the face of someone who tries to smother you and doing it anyway happily.

Most people who pearl-clutch and sling insults have a tenuous grasp on their own logic and are extremely entitled. I've found that more often than not, they're hateful, reactionary youngsters looking for an excuse to feel superior by pretending they have the moral high ground. They talk out of their ass about things they don't understand and all it does is make them look foolish. Like, they are literally factually, scientifically incorrect most of the time. They are the fanfic/literary equivalent of evangelical white moms having a panic over metal music being from the devil and DND turning their kids gay.

Fanfiction is just that: fiction.

Understanding yourself, your kinks and your own mind can also help immensely. You don't care much if some snotty anon calls you a degenerate if you understand why you write what you do and have no shame regarding it. Understanding the impact of fiction vs. reality, kink science, trauma coping, psychology, and other related topics (depending on what you write) can also help if you want to waste time trying to educate them.

Truthfully though? The funniest response to hate is either not responding at all (oh my God they hate that one) or responding with complete and total nonsense a la "your mom suck me good and hard thru my jorts."

These days? I don't worry about it at all. I write what I write and it brings me great catharsis and joy. I've made incredible friends and met talented people. I've improved my own skills and I have a "productive" hobby. Some folks don't like it? Cope and seethe and piss your pants and suck the liquid back out of the fabric and tell your mom my jorts are feeling a bit dry.

[fictionfixations]

what the fuck?

[Marquez's power grew stronger by the day during Cyrille's tenure, and his thugs soon retained absolute discretion throughout the Qlipoth Fort as they issued their draconian decrees. The nickname Cyrille the Fool spread throughout the people, and they grew more and more dissatisfied with this puppet Supreme Guardian and her ministerial allies.

In the 14th year of her tenure, rebels among the Architects hatched a secret plot to overthrow Stefan and his cronies. The rebels won over the Silvermane Guards' Captain and planned on luring Cyrille and Stefan to the Silvermane Guard Restricted Zone where they could launch a coup.

That day, the Supreme Guardian Cyrille attended the military exercise as expected, but the rebels never found any trace of Stefan Marquez. The captain played them at their own game, dispatching a fake patrol of Silvermane Guards into the restricted zone with Cyrille, and pushing her into an arsenal chest. The guards then rushed to the far north of Belobog and, under cover of darkness, shoved the unconscious Supreme Guardian in the arsenal chest over the edge of the cliff.

The rebels carried out a search operation for three days and three nights in Belobog, but never found any trace of Minister Stefan Marquez. To this day, people still attribute the death of the seventh Supreme Guardian and the disappearance of Cyrilla to Marquez's political conspiracy — a claim that, according to Belobog historians, to this day remains inconclusive and unproven.]

(if there are any typos, in the text above im sorry but its a lot of text)

okay so i read this because. yknow how in hoyofair (that one with the mix between genshin and star rail. i wasnt interested in star rail but it was there so i watched it anyway. but yknow like Cyrille's Doll? that one creepy one about her. so i decided to read the thing and um..)

so. listen.

he manipulated a child into trusting him and relying on him for everything. that everything would be okay and all that shit. but it was all for his own gain

then when the rebels were going to do something he got his guards to fuckin shove her in a box. AND THEN PUSH HER OFF A CLIFF? WHAT.

and. bruh was just never found? HELLO? WHAT? EXCUSE ME? okay i mean its fair i guess cause idk you could die somewhere out in the snow and never be found but like

HUH?

[I started keeping a diary because of Mr. Stefan. He said that keeping a diary is a good habit for a lady to keep. He also said that keeping a diary is a very lonely affair, and that if I'm scared of being alone, I can just read aloud the diary to him.

To be honest, it's really hard to keep a diary because nothing interesting happens to me — I won't read this part to Mr. Stefan as he'll get sad, and I don't want him to be sad. I wish I were my sister, because she knows everything. She always tells me fun stories and is always telling me about the interesting people she meets.

It was only later that I realized most of my diary was about Mr. Stefan. Sometimes it's recounting our conversations, sometimes it's recording what I've learned from him, sometimes it's simply recording my mood while I wait for him to visit again.]

HHhhh

[I know you must be nervous right now, Cyrille, but I hope you can remember what I warned you before: Don't be intimidated by loud and empty threats. As long as you stand firm and follow my advice at all times, any pushback or complaint is just temporary white noise — something that will fade away as we draw closer to the end of the plan and ultimately become a picture painted together by us.

I sometimes still think of when I met you, more than ten years ago. You were a timid little girl back then, too shy to talk and lacking confidence in yourself. But I found something special in you — a one-of-a-kind temperament that even a genius like Cyrilla doesn't have. And it's precisely because of this unique talent of yours that I decided to stay with you, and help you build up the beautiful future that you deserve.]

okay so that thing that she has that Cyrilla doesn't have is either him buttering her up OR its that Cyrilla is smart enough to know who to trust and when she's being manipulated while Cyrille isn't. That's not to say that she's dumb, but it's more like because she was a kid and never got pushed to do anything else, that she could just 'rely' on Stefan that turned her into who she became, like just a puppet while Stefan has a bunch of power in the background.

i wonder if theres more on this but i dont think its ever explained what happened to her sister (she just went missing). maybe Stefan really did take Cyrilla out. Anyway it'd also be all too easy to lie and be like 'i looked for her but i couldnt find her' since it'd already been awhile since then right with no finding in sight? so it could hardly be expected to find anything. i just dont believe him when he claims that.

[Remember, Cyrille — you just have to trust me. I would never lie to you.

Your sincerest friend, Stefan]

yeah and you can go fuck yourself stefan what the hell?

im so startled by this quest im not gonna lie

[snormynight]

I think I’m going to pass Izzy around the crew to cope lol. This started off as o/uizzy but I realized Frenchie/Roach is soooo 🥺☺️💞 so here’s a thing about Frenchie and Roach making Izzy something (🥣) for his nausea and a cold. Emeto mention but nothing serious.

Izzy shivered violently and two warm hands came up and adjusted a blanket around his shoulders. He heaved a deep sigh from the depths of his gut but before he could get the breath out he was sucking it back in, chest heaving with a wheeze.

“Hhh…h’aiSHH-uH—huh- aiSHUU!”

The force hurt his stomach and he grimaced feeling the pressure in his head from being stuffed up. He sniffled wetly, absolving the use of a tissue.

“Hey quit that,” Roach warned. “You’re just sniffing the drainage into your stomach to prepare for a reappearance. And believe me, no one wants that. Just my medical observation.”

Izzy wanted to protest, but he knew that Roach was right. He was feeling more nauseous by the second and he could no longer blame it solely on the sea. A hazy look crossed over his eyes before he geared up for his second chance at using the tissue.

“hhRESCH-shuu! ESHHhue!”

Roach began to hold the tissue to Izzy’s face but Izzy snatched it out of his hands taking his advice. He gurgled a blow that ended into two coughs, crumpled up the tissue and threw it on the floor. Roach nodded in defeat. “Okay.”

When the Sun began to set, a couple of the Pirates gathered on the mast to futz around and Izzy couldn’t bring himself to join them. Instead he was folded over the side of the ship gripping the edge with all of his might. His stomach bobbed with the need to empty itself. But for the most part he hovered in between gagging and spitting small loogies into the water. He was still sweaty even with the cool night air on his back and he groaned, nose buzzing with the chill.

It was dark, the only light emanating from the top of the mast and from within the captain's quarters. Izzy heard footsteps approaching but was much too occupied with his itchy nose to address them. Frenchie sidled up next to him slowly leaning over to try to look at his face. Izzy steered straight ahead, avoiding eye contact at all costs so Frenchie followed his gaze to the sea.

“Um…what are we looking at here exactly?”

Izzy‘s hands traveled up his crossed arms to his shoulders. Frenchy heard him sniffle loud and thick. He coughed profusely trying to cover the congestion up. Frenchie opened his mouth again but Izzy held up a gloved hand.

“Can’t you just ‘be’ with the ocean a bit? You effervescent sing songy twat.”

Sure a bit of hostility wasn’t unexpected from Izzy, but Frenchie did feel this was a bit unwarranted. He swallowed nervously but pressed on, noticing the little tremor that held Izzy’s body.

“Yeah, ’spose I could. Never been much for parties.”

This got Izzy’s attention. He turned to look at him and at the same time, his nose itched for a need.

“Arehhh-‘nt you th-hih!…the fuckin’ bard?”

Frenchie stilled, caught in a lie and watched as Izzy winked an eye, stiffening his face to obviously stave off an upcoming sneeze. He fumbled around his chest, looking for his handkerchief. Frenchie clocked this, pulling out his own, a quarter with a patch he’d sewn onto it. Izzy accepted it and clasped it against his face. Frenchie watched his eyelids fall and eyebrows raise.

“Huh’ESSHuh! H-hhei-ish! hEHt’chzhuu!!”

He pulled away from the handkerchief, looking quite dazed. Frenchie held out his arms, steadying him on his feet.

“That I am,” he said, answering the question. “Doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a break.”

Frenchies' warm hands contrasted starkly to the cool night air, which felt more like a nippy chill to Izzy. He shivered and bit the inside of his cheek, trying to calm the hammering of his heart. The hands left him for an agonizing moment before one found itself on his back, steering him away from the edge of the ship.

“And the bard says you ought to have a bit of a lie down.”

Izzy pulled away, embarrassed by the subtle attention. “Fuck you I don’t care what the bard says. When you’re granted first mate you fuckin’ act like it.”

Izzy’s words rang in the air, a cruel reminder of how replaceable he was. He looked like he wanted to add something, but doubled over in a cough that sounded like it wanted to bring something else to the surface. Frenchie moved to help him, but Izzy stumbled away.

“Izzy, I hadn’t meant—“

But Izzy wasn't listening, going to curl up on himself in a corner again. Laughter rang in the background from the mast. Frenchie watched defeated.

Later that night, Frenchie sat sullenly at the counter, away from the other crew. He stuck his finger in his sauce, swirling it around aimlessly. When Roach had finished serving the last of the crewmembers, he reappeared behind the counter, throwing a towel over his shoulder and placing his hands on his hips.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Frenchie pressed his lips, looking over his shoulder. He turned back and leaned in.

“It’s Iz. He’s running himself ragged.”

Roach raised an eyebrow, reaching for a knife to sharpen. “And that’s your fault?”

“Well, no. Don’t think so, at least. But I suppose I’d like to do something about it.”

Roach sighed, shaking his head. “Frenchie, you beautiful man you, with your heart of gold. Some of us are lost causes.” His sharpening slowed. “I tried with him already.”

Frenchie shrugged. “No yeah I know that. Just think maybe there’s more we could do… something else. Maybe a dabble in the languages of love Pete was on about. I dunno.”

Roach nodded in agreement, but he wasn’t totally sure what he meant. He looked around his kitchen for inspiration. As hardcore as Izzy was, he bet he would seldom find comfort among knives and sharp kitchen tools. Roach admired Frenchie’s gumption though and continued to search until his eyes fell on the big soup pot in the corner. A recipe brewed in his mind and he turned back to Frenchie who’s eyes lit up with the same connection.

“Sounds kinda lovely, don’t you think?”

Roach beamed. “I know what we’re going to do today, matey.”

Later that day, Roach and Frenchie traipsed around the ship searching for Izzy. In the end they didn’t have to look very far and found him huddled on the bow, shaking miserably. He sneezed harshly into a clenched fist and gave into a barking coughing fit, before turning at the sound of footsteps. Frenchie caught the greenish tint to his face.

“Ah how are we faring now?,” Roach said cheerily. Izzy sighed with a wheeze, crossing his arms on himself.

“What’s left of my stomach now belongs to the trenches. Was that the update you were hoping for?”

Frenchie looked at Roach. “We were hoping, actually, again, to get you to retire to your chambers. Could be nice don’t you think?”

Izzy rolled his eyes. “Could be. If there wasn’t so much work to do. Leave me be; I’m still on watch.”

Frenchie nodded, having expected this response. He pulled Roach closer with him. “That’s fine. We just thought you’d like to have a taste of this here soup. I’ve a cup here but there’s a whole tray set up on your bed. S’ easy on the tums.”

Izzy blinked the stars away, taking in the scene before him. The two of them presented a large steaming pot, with chunks of light meat and vegetables, swimming in a swirling broth. The mentioned bowl was offered to him. He accepted it quietly when his stomach clenched in a hungry pain.

Frenchie smiled softly before lowering the pot to the ground and ladling a shallow spoonful. When the bowl filled, the warmth reached Izzy’s fingertips and he was surprised to find the steam melt away some of the soreness in his breath. He lifted the bowl to his lips, obscuring the blush rising to his cheeks from the other men, though he supposed he could just blame it on the illness or the heat if it called for it. The broth ran down his throat, soothing his aching chest and he could hardly wait until it reached his pained stomach. His brows knit together, trying to keep the bubbling emotions at bay.

“It’s…” he choked at the tail end of a mouthful. “It’s fine.” His hand hovered over his stomach. “It’s pleasant.”

Frenchie beamed, soaking in Izzy’s gratitude while Roach smiled fondly at Frenchie. He almost forgot why they were standing there until Izzy spoke up again.

“I think I’ll pop down and have a look at it myself.” He murmured. Frenchie could swear he looked just a tad more sleepy. “Evening, boys. I trust you’ll keep a lookout.”

Frenchie and Roach watched as Izzy slinked away and then disappeared into the brig. When they were sure he was gone they clasped their hands together and fell onto the deck in a fit of giggles.

“Yes!” Roach hissed. “We did it!”

Frenchie laughed, scrambling into a sitting up position. They backed up to lean against the wall, but Frenchie didn’t miss how the two of them still had one hand linked together. He swallowed against the night air.

“How’d I do?”

Roaches laughter died down and he smiled at Frenchie with twinkling eyes. “You were fantastic. I haven’t seen ambition like that since the last plundering. You are a vision.”

Roche scooted ever so closer to Frenchie and leaned over placing a tender kiss to his cheek. Frenchie felt his face warm up and chuckled bashfully, facing Roach but avoiding his eyes.

“What was that for?”

Roach sighed, pressing his curls up against the wall with an upwards tilt of his head. He pulled Frenchie’s hand to his chest.

“You’re being promoted. To sous chef.” A pause, and then he added a little quieter, “if you’ll have me.”

Frenchies chest warmed up in a similar nature to Izzy’s stomach when he had had the soup. He squeezed Roach’s fingers gently.

“Yeah, I think I will.”

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕

[weabooweedwitch]

I say this as someone who's followed you for years and with as much kindness as possible:

Get the fuck away from your mother. Ditch her fuckin ass. She's repeatedly making things worse and refuses to learn. You need to get away from her, for your own good.

I know I might be repeating what other people have said, or even what you have thought of doing, but holy shit this bitch is actively ruining your life through sheer stupidity.

I hope things get better

I feel bad that people have to keep giving me this kind of advice because I realize it's the most obvious answer, and there are multiple reasons separating from my mother would be good for us both. I feel bad that i keep sharing all these worrying stories and worrying people and then at the end of the day, I'm way too scared to actually try and fix things. I just worry so much about not being able to take care of myself, not being able to drive, what if I go somewhere and it's harder if not impossible for me to get to work, just. I worry about everything. Honestly the thing that worries me the most is keeping my job or not being able to transfer if I went somewhere else. My wage is currently $19 an hour, my 58 yo mom was making $22, so like, I'm helping hold it all together with rent BECAUSE of that income. I'm so scared of losing that.

I've had people ask if there's any family I can go to and the only possible option would be maybe my father who is in another state, I cannot remember if it is in Illinois or Missouri (ugh, they may have passed recreational weed but thats the only good thing thats came outta thar state in like the last 2 decades). And I don't know if that would be good either. But it's an option I'm beginning to consider. But I am sort of still in the reconnecting process with my dad and we've butted heads a few times and he also has his own physical and emotional issues. Actually I think he is where I inherited a lot of mental illness from because he also has an anxiety disorder and we are almost positive he has equinus like me. He also has developed type 2 diabetes and I am really bad with sugar impulse control, what if I hurt my dad because I can't stop bringing sweets into the house and he eats them too 🥺

It just. Personally makes me hate myself to even think of "hiya pops, we've barely spoken in the last 10 years, I've been really ahitty about talking to you consistently since we've said hi again and lost my temper with you a few times, hey I know you're on a fixed income and out of a job right now (or was, maybe he has one now, we've spoken so little idk) but is it OK if I come live in your house as a whiny codependent barely functioning weed addict of an adult?" 😅

But yeah I just. This is really. It just never ends. I keep fighting myself and beating myself up on "who's right, am I right, am I wrong, am I overreacting, whats going on, what do I do, someone tell me what to do because I'm too stupid to do things right" and it's just. I also still love my mother even if that love is being increasingly mixed with resentment. I worry about her ability to take care of herself because her health is getting worse and, like, I worry about her mentally a lot. Like this tooth infection she has, is because she doesn't have the best dental hygiene, and had fillings and such, and even after needing fillings still takes shit care of her teeth, and was putting off getting like broken teeth and such taken care of, and, they're now having to pull SEVEN of her back teeth. She'll need dentures to eat certain foods now. And I'm not better, I basically stopped brushing my teeth for many years because I literally expected to be dead before they rotted out of my mouth and now I'm scrambling to adopt that routine again, and also like.

Sorry but my mom and a dentist literally lied to me when i was a little girl and said i had several cavities because they thought i would be scared into brushing my teeth and all that did was convince me everything was pointless and needed to give up since it was already damaged, and she refuses to apologize or even acknowledge how that literally helped me develop a complex and felt helpless when SHE LIED TO ME, A CHILD, HER CHILD (and also i think my difficulty keeping routines is a combination just needing to apply myself and having adhd issue because like, I've been pretty good with my skincare at least)

I just. I love her but I hate her. If I'm not careful to keep myself calm I'm going to escalate to the physical level. And to be honest I've had the opinion for many years that, all those times my mom told extremely age inappropriate stories to little tiny baby Miranda about her experiences with assault and domestic violence, even as a kid I would think, "well you like don't listen, you shut people down, you insist youre always right, I want to hit you all the time too, maybe it wasn't them but maybe you got yourself hit by constantly pushing everyone around you to their breaking point" like clearly that's not a healthy thought to have and I. I am kind of convinced at this point that almost every single bad thing that had ever happened to this woman was her own fault in some way shape or form. But you could also say that about me

What's scary is that I can't even think of going anywhere without having savings first and I'm constantly being pushed to my limits to the point I don't HAVE any savings, it's all getting sucked up. I dunno how else I can get out of this pit and I'm just, mentally worn down from any entire life of this. I feel useless and exploited at home and then I go to work and feel useless and exploited at work and by society. Like. Life feels so bleak. My Canadian friend is getting in worse health. I still have a lot of affection for him but he's also uh done and said a few things I really disagree with on personal levels and it, gives me some pause, like. I genuinely am so sad all the time. I need to go back to the psychiatrist to get some medicines again but, I am working and making enough money that after my state insurance expires in October, I'll have to go through my work, and that doesn't 100% cover everything so, j wouldn't be able to afford anything at that point

Just. Ugh. I try to write down my thoughts and listen to music and try to write on my other blog to cheer myself up but I just. What can you do right. What am I good for. What is anyone good for. What is this world itself good for. Our entire species is gonna go extinct with climate change anyways. Why should I keep struggling and suffering like this when it's. Idk. Arguably all for nothing. We'll all be nothing more than just dogs following commands and paying bills until we die

[your-subby-creature]

Honestly after I sent that ask I went to go sit down and draw horny stuff to get it out of my brain 😭 I can't edge for very long either but I might try no touch... and hypno! I've never properly tried it, so I'll definitely be giving your recommendations a listen. You may be stuck in denial Creature, but you seem to be corrupting me further <33

Speaking of corruption, I've never actually been teased before like I was in your message and it instantly made my brain feel all fuzzy 😖 I had to take a minute to remember what I was doing-

Awww you're so sweet! I paint more than draw, but I've definitely made a couple horny paintings in my day. I'd love to see if you're open to showing, otherwise I hope it helped! It's always a bit of fun for me even if I haven't done horny painting in a while, maybe I should again soon sometime!

In terms of corruption, if a little teasing and suggestion is all it takes to get you this far, I'd say you were pretty corrupted already! That isn't to say I'm not eagerly waiting to make it worse, though! Hypnosis is a fuckin blast, my only advice for your first trance is don't *try* to fall into trance. Get out of your own way and treat it like horny meditation, just chill out and listen and follow. Your brain will get trained over time, and trying to force it to do anything only distracts you and stresses you out. Additionally, if you find you enjoy it, it is essential to look into hypnotic safeties! Miss Lilith has one on her site that's pretty good, but there are plenty around!

Lastly, I'm overjoyed that you liked my teasing, that I got you a little fuzzy. Though I may be a sub, I'm also an incorrigible tease with a way with words if I have the motivation to be, and you're certainly motivating me. If you need more, don't hesitate to pop into my messages, I'm always happy to make you feel all needy and brainless. Maybe you could make me needy and brainless too! That sounds like a fair trade, don't you think? <3

Thank you for the lovely response, and I hope you have a wonderful (and hopefully horny) night :^)

-your Creature

[carmenized-onions]

hi! this isn't related to chicago's kindest (which is amazing btw, can't wait to read ch. 6) but i saw that you're in film/tv and i'm wondering how that's going for you!! i've always been passionate about film but i'm not currently pursuing it in school, so i wanted to know what you're currently doing with that (if you're comfortable sharing) or if you can give any insight to people looking into going to school for that industry!!

Oh my lovely lovely summer child.

I'm gonna tell you a bunch of shit. And you're gonna do me a favour, you're gonna listen to none of it. You're going to completely ignore any advice anyone gives you, and you're gonna do what the fuck YOU wanna do. Not everything has panned out perfect for me, but I will never ever ever regret pursuing film, and I have every intention of coming back to it on an actual career stand point.

Right now, I'm not in film or tv (career wise. I stay fuckin' writing my scripts tho, it's vv important to do that on the side). Alas. Such is life. I do admin. Cute lil' desk job. I like it. The people are nice, as are the hours, as is the idea of consistent cash flow.

Film for a lot of people is either gig based or teetering on being laid off if you've got a permanent position or a union job that, if you're being honest with yourself, you are scared it's gonna become dead end. That's right out of school, at least. That's probably gonna be like, the first 5-10 years. I'm only on year 2. It's fucking hell. It goes by slow and you feel like everyone is succeeding more than you. I want you to know, they're not. You're not falling behind-- My mentor, a prolific director/writer (like worked with Netflix and shit) said so, so it's not just me saying so.

We're amid strikes and union busting and revolutions-- It's so complicated, rn. And honestly, I got my degree in the pandemic-- The entire industry is absolutely still feeling the effects of that. I'd also add here, while I think my information is vague enough to go for all of North America-- I am Canadian. So if you live in a major U.S city like Chicagooooo or New York or Los Angeles-- You're going to have a radically different experience than I am in Toronto.

If you feel comfy DMing me, we can chat more about your interests! I love film, I love to write-- I love to direct. That's what I did in school, and I'll be damned if I don't do that shit again. But those things do take time to be allowed to do professionally.

The best advice I can give you: When you're in school-- Socialize. Do your best on student films, because if you beef it it goes around FAST. I had a fantastic reputation in Film College ngl, and it served me extremely well. Keep up your connections.

Get a good consistent job that gives you a schedule you can work with, then work on your own film shit on the side. Get weird. Stay learning. I'm gonna start going to local improv because that's what all the writer's i've known do. And they have careers now. So. Yknow.

Things I wish I did different:

I fucking hate applying to festivals, but you have to do it, i'm so sorry.

Every. Summer. Apply for an internship. Any internship. Any film internship, rather.

You will be okay if you study a little bit less and spend time with your peers a little bit more. That didn't neccessarily impact where I am now-- But it's just something that looking back i'm like... I didn't need to take these notes... I shoulda went to that party my friends begged me to join.

And if you want bluntness? My classmates who took production management/producer courses? They're all the ones with consistent film jobs now. But like. Again. Do what the fuck YOU want. Don't follow the money, it won't end up feeding you.

This was a lot, but again, feel free to DM me if you want even more deranged ramblings. I'm happy to go into more personal detail-- It's honestly vv important that you go to a film school that's actually fuckin' WORTH SOMETHING-- Because a lot of them are snake oil. I love/hate my College tho. Love them because I learned more than I would anywhere else. Hate them because that was psychological torture everyday I think I had a panic attack like 3 times a week.

LOVE YOU HOPE THIS WAS USEFUL GOOD LUCK BABY!!!

[shadyhouse]

Your art is so fuckin good and I lose my mind every time I see it! You pretty much top the list of artists I want to commission one I have digital money again. Do you have any art advice you'd wanna give a fellow (though less experienced) furry artist?

OMGGGG THANK YOU!!! :D that means so much, i'm glad my art can have so much of an influence on you! that seriously makes me so happy 😭 i'm honored to be one of your favorites!!!

as for art advice.... i feel like im not qualified to give Good advice since im pretty much completely self-taught, but also maybe that makes the advice better? idk ive been "serious" about art and doing commissions since 2017 so i have quite a bit of experience but i still feel like a beginner gdhkgjldsgdskg but anyways here's my own personal things ive learned over the years

absorb as much art as you possibly can. art of all mediums. tv shows, movies, music, visual art, animations, books, comics, ect ect ect EVEN bad art! i am a huge believer of the idea that both bad art and good art is extremely important to you as an artist because not only does the bad art show you what Not to do, but sometimes bad art has GREAT ideas that you wouldve never thought of before. whether they're just executed poorly or the ideas arent touched upon as in depth as you'd like. i'm giving you permission to steal ideas right now PLEASE steal ideas from all the stuff you love and put your own personal spin on them i'm BEGGING you!!!! just don't claim other people's art as your own and you're golden

if you want to open commissions but you don't think you're "good enough", open them anyway. i swear it will do nothing but help you improve and give you experience for the future. i started out by drawing things for $10 a pop and it did SO MUCH for my improvement, i'm always drawing stuff that i wouldve never drawn otherwise and it's helped me a ton with my own personal art too. the variety of the prompts you'll get will be intimidating Because it'll be stuff you don't typically draw, but you'll feel such a sense of accomplishment by the end Because it's a challenge. all this being said, don't let people take advantage of you. stand your ground and don't be afraid to refund/deny a commission request because you're excited to get paid. for every client who's a dick to you there's like five clients who will gladly respect you and pay you what you deserve irt your skill and quality. i Promise

DRAW WHAT YOU LIKE TO DRAW!!!! Don't draw what you think other people want to see! at the end of the day, it's YOUR art, and you should be building a gallery full of things that make YOU happy and Spark Joy when you create, regardless of how "niche" the subjects may be. i'm in the process of unlearning this myself, but the best thing that you can do for yourself as an artist is be self indulgent and cater to Yourself above anyone else. if you only draw stuff to pull in followers/commission clients/ect you'll end up getting burnt out EXTREMELY easily and start to resent your art. the best thing to do is to slowly acquire the community that cares the most about your art, and you as an artist. that way you'll feel better about your craft and you'll be able to REALLY feel the love. the people who look at your art can absolutely tell when you're passionate about a piece vs when you're just doing it for attention/money/ect. that's why people who claim they're going to "stoop low and draw furry porn for money" never get anywhere unless theyre TRULY passionate about the craft, because people can TELL when their heart isnt in it

TL;DR draw whatever you wanna draw, be open to try new things, and take in as much art as you can and be open to new life experiences so you can stay inspired even when you're not making art. i hope this is helpful!! i feel like im kinda rambling about my own learning experience haha

[highpriestess-stuff]

So my day started out well i started with self love affirmations which ive been doing for the past 2 days starting off with a spiritual bath and i must admit it has mad quite a difference im excited to see how this will help me i didnt realise how much i truly needed self love i honestly thought i was such a confident person but im starting to realize how harsh iand negative i can be and im starting to see exactly why all these bitches are jealous of me especially the ones that i work with ive never really had a hard time with making friends but ever since me & T broke but damn did it do a number on me.. Getting cheated the first time was just traumatic & left me with anxiety but having such a strong support system and going to the gym almost like everday and letting it out really helped but this break up just left me completely distraught and just made me not want to live life anymore and isolate myself & i didnt realize how it was affecting all my relationships with my friends my family and co workers like damn this narcissistic gas lighting bitch sucked my fucking soul like end all be all and not a single person there to pick up my pieces my like damn had to get myself out of this shit and i feel powerful as fuck never will i let anyone tear me down like that again LESSON LEARNT: Never settle for less. Took 2 years of my life to realize that but hey it coulda been worse.. still trying to see the positivity in this lol coulda gotten married to this bitch ass but thank god he really had to take me off this path this person refused to understand me & the lesson i learnt was that im not for everybody i am simply a Diving Feminine and we aint for everybody if people dont get u then dont waste your time arguing or explaining yourself cause the right people to get you like how did i become so lost and desperate? i just really wanted him to see me for me i just really wanted to make my family happy .. & he wanted to make his the only difference was im not what his family wanted and u know what thats their loss because as soon as i came out i was told i was going to be a motherfuckin champion it truly is his loss lol he fucked up big time and his family is a peice of shit if they really loved him they would want him to be happy but i guess whats what he deserves OH WELL now i see why they dont want the best for him he deserves exactly that shit even the lord dont want the best for him but me i am truly blessed and protected so thank you Jesus!

Going thru that experience really left me feeling emptier then even it felt like people could also see right thru me it left my fuckin boundaries all over the place i allowed people to step all over me cause i constantly thought i was the problem but now im starting to see i was never the problem its this cruel ass world no matter how nice u are to people or how much u just want to help them because u truly see what the can become and u see their potential it doesnt mean that their going to follow that exact path that u want for them it means giving up control letting people have their own experiences and im just trying to be comfortable with that like hey you wanna go fuck up your life go ahead like who am i to control u not like i got super powers cause if i did bruh. People are wylin & then godforbid i wanna do something for myself then they got a problem like what? are yall on. For example Victoria shes so far up my ass but yet cant even be there for me when i need her like bitch step aside and all day at work today she was so sad like what are u sad for... what happend to that advice that u give everytime "Dont Care" like lets see u do that now you dumbass u look fuckin stupid i have completely lost my respect for her like she looks for pathetic how dare she tell me not to care when i share my feelings with her like hows that going for you? keep ur bitch ass advice to yourself the only reason i ever listened to her was cause i actually respected her i thought she was someone i wanted to be like fuck no! i am so much better then her im better then any of these people how dare they show my any fuckin attitude ever like put some motherfuckin respect on my name or get the fuck out of my face and my energy aura cause i aint for everybody you wanna be around me? show some fuckin respect or get the fuck out because i value myself and my opinions and i can find people who do do i dont need you bitch ass people clearly YOU NEED ME like these people need to realise they need me at the end of the day so show respect or get the fuck out. Even will came in with some wack ass attitude but the second i refused to acknowledge him this nigga really started sucking my dick like are you for real why do i need to be rude like is that what turns you people on like is this why im working in this type of environment to learn that i just need to stay away from people who dont respect my energy why because you people cant do the work and become great like me??? ive done the work ive done the time ive earned to be where the fuck i am and if maybe yall put in the work you guys would be on my level but u aint thats why you bitches are so fuckin miserable and just focused on me unfortunatly thats what comes with the fame and i aint leveling down for no fucking body i came a long fuckin way and i deserve this shit put my crown on again & im knock it off * & this bitch shan like i thought she was the nicest girl ever bitch HAD the audacity to show me attitude like girl do u know who ur dealing with ur 20 nothing its actually cute and laughable because she looks like that character from ice age she thinks shes really doing something i cant with these hoes thinking they affect like.. like bruh this is my partime job lol this is your lifetimes career ofcourse u going to be mad lol stay mad cause what im winning? so u think showing me attitude gonna do something um no it just shows me that ur a terrible person ur disgusting and fuckin ugly i was just being nice and now that youve shown ur true colors i no longer need to loook go crawl back in ur dark cave u hoeeeeeeeeeee.. anyways ill be back for more updates byeeee

[amadouers]

it's  hard  to  wipe  the  grin  off  her  face;  emma  might  be  an  anti  -  romantic,  but  there's  something  in  the  way  parker  talks  about  celeste  that  makes  her  feel  a  tad  bit  content.  she's  happy  for  the  two  of  them,  that's  for  sure,  although  she  doesn't  know  if  she  could  stand  seeing  the  two  of  them  acting  all  lovey  dovey  around  her.  emma  quickly  shakes  the  thought  away,  replaced  with  a  teasing  smile  on  her  lips.  “  i'm  not  stopping  you,  parker.  you  can  swoon  over  her  all  you  want.  ”  doesn't  mean  emma  would  stop  teasing  him  about  it  though.  “  well,  pretty  girls  sure  run  the  fuckin'  world,  am  i  right  ?  ” palmview  is  often  a  great  escape  for  outsiders,  and  while  emma  couldn't  deny  that  the  town  has  its  own  charms,  it's  not  easy  to  fit  in  to  a  new  place,  much  less  if  you're  alone.  emma  would  know,  since  she  too  used  to  move  into  another  state  not  too  long  ago.  she  smiles  when  parker  puts  his  arms  around  her.  “  you'll  figure  it  out,  ”  she  reassures.  even  if  it  ends  up  with  him  leaving;  if  he  couldn't  find  a  reason  to  stay  before  this,  she  hopes  the  thing  with  celeste  could  at  least  change  his  mind.  “  okay,  meal's  settled  then,  ”  then  a  nod,  “  sure,  if  you  still  want  me  to.  ”  emma  nudges  his  side  playfully. all  of  a  sudden  her  eyes  grow  bigger,  as  if  she  just  remembered  something,  followed  by  a  dramatic  gasp.  how  could  she  not  realize  it  all  this  fuckin'  time  ?  “  you  live  in  the  same  building  as  letty,  ”  she  blurts  out,  “  i  mean,  celeste.  yeah,  we  call  her  letty,  but  holy  shit,  parker.  you  sure  you  never  ran  into  her  or  something  before  this  ?  ”  maybe  that's  on  emma  now;  hell,  she  even  went  to  celeste's  place  last  week  and  it  never  crossed  her  mind  that  they  both  live  in  the  same  fuckin'  apartment.  “  oh,  you  want  my  advice  ?  ”  she  asks  rhetorically,  unsure  what  to  even  say  right  now.  “  just  be  yourself  and  hope  for  the  best.  ”  it's  a  shit  advice,  she  knows,  but  emma  tries  her  best  to  bite  back  the  laughter  threatening  to  spill  from  her  mouth. “  so  you  don't  know  if  she  likes  you  too  ?  ”  this  time  it's  meant  to  tease  him  yet  again,  the  same  shit  -  eating  grin  from  earlier  makes  its  return.  “  i  could  ask  her  about  it,  ”  she  pauses,  a  hint  of mischief  in  her  eyes.  “  but  what's  in  it  for  me  ?  i  need  to  know  if  it's  worth  it,  you  know,  me  playing  wingman  for  the  two  of  you.  ”  emma  would  have  done  it  in  a  heartbeat,  but  where's  the  fun  in  admitting  that  right  away  to  his  face  anyway  ?

that shit's embarrassing. at least, it's what he would think if he wasn't such an optimist when it came to the notion of love. he'd leave the pessimism for emma (they've agreed that she does it to herself). “ alright, alright. grill me later. let a guy swoon, will you?  ”  it didn't seem like emma disapproved of them which was enough for parker to wonder if emma felt they could suit one another. “ it's your world though, emma. i'm just here to entertain you and your friends. ”  he tries to lighten the mood. it's hard to miss the change in expression even if slight. it was his fault, anyways.  “ we've talked about it in passing. you know, about how things are just confusing for me here. or anywhere, but i'm... figuring it out.   ”  a defeated inhale and exhale before he drapes his arm around her shoulders.  “ there's that laugh.   ” what was he, some fucking father?  “ sure, that'd be a meal. we can save the leftovers for later. you still spending the night?   ” it was a silly little thing between the two of them, whenever he got his everchanging work schedule, he'd send it to emma so they'd be able to coordinate hang outs, bar hopping, and whatever other activities they'd want to do. and although he isn't sure how to word it at that very moment, he thinks about how this was enough for him to stay. but things like that held the weight of a promise.  “ but did you have any other questions for me?  ” if emma is anything, it's that she's nosey. and parker doesn't mind it. because it is by no means, ever significant enough for it to negatively affect their friendship. he actually saw it as an outlet to speak his mind. safe judgement is passed by emma. “ but since i already answered some of your questions, i was wondering if you had any advice on how i should approach this whole... celeste situation. she's your friend. so am i. you playing wingman if she likes me too?   ”

[wittyrosebush]

Dream SMP Reacting to a Witch!Hybrid

Pronouns: they/them

Includes: Dream, Quackity, Wilbur, qnd Tommy (PLATONIC)

Warnings: Meantion of drugs, swearing

A/N: This is based off of the canon characters and is set in the time of the Pogtopia/Manburg war!!! I might write a second part if this goes well. Also, this is the first thing I have written for this fandom, so I hope I get the character personalities correct. This is not beta read, so please don't attack me on my poor grammar skills. 😅

I hope you all enjoy!!! 💙

Dream

He was mining when he first met you

Dream heard a malicious cackle on the dark side of the cave and slowly drew his sword

He decided to charge towards the strange noise and was quickly met with an invisible body under him

He furrowed his brows and felt the body shuffle out from under him

"BEGONE STRANGE MAN"

"... excuse me?"

After a moment, Y/N's potion has worn off

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-"

Dream chuckled and put away his sword, deciding the person in front of him wasn't a threat

After Y/n calmed down, the two had a talk, explaining the situation

Turns out, you had thought of a joke while mining for redstone (hence the laughter)

"So where is your hat and huge nose? You are really attractive for a witch."

"Luckily, I got my attributes from my father. What was that last part?."

"Wait, what about your hat?"

"I haven't done laundry in a few days.... hold up did you just say I was attractive?"

Ever since then Dream has had you by his side partly because he is a little clingy creating potions for him and the rest of the dream team

"How do you feel about cursing children?"

"I'm not that kind of witch, Dream."

"But what if he was being a little blonde bitch?"

"DREAMWASTAKEN I SWEAR TO GOD-"

Loves bringing you stuff to use for your projects

Need blaze rods for a new brewing stand? Done.

Need lapis lazuli so you have a chance for better communication? Done.

Anything you want? Done.

He will literally go to the nether for a few hours and come back with his arms full of whatever you need

And if you don't need anything or just need to take a break, he'll spend the day taking you anywhere that he think you would be happiest

He has you make him a lot of potions, bragging to everyone on the server how much better at creating potions you are

"Y/n's potions last longer, are more effective, prettier-"

"Are you sure? I think-"

"Tell me what you think, I fuckin dare you >:( ."

Overall, he is your #1 supporter

Quackity

The day had been long, dealing with Schlatt definitely tires a guy out after 5 minutes

On his walk on the outskirts of the Manburg wall, he spotted a suspicious row of blaze powder leading to the woods

Dawning his armor and a sword, he followed the trail to a small hut

He could see the outline of someone in the hut nervously pacing around

Deciding what he thought was the best possible option, he knocked on the door of the hut

There was immediately the sound of glass bottles falling on the floor and muffled words

Soon, the door swung open to reveal a disheveled being with a nervous grin

And Quackity went from tough to awkward

"C-Can I help you with something?"

"Uh, do you waNT SOME DRUGS?"

"ExCuSe Me?!"

Everything was going to shit

After a moment of awkward staring, a glass bottle tumbled off the brewing stand

Upon focusing on what was going on behind the two people trying and failing to act normal, they both saw that every brewing stand was on fire

"ARE YOU ACTUALLY MAKING DRUGS?!"

"NO I'M JUST REALLY BAD AT THIS POTION."

Finally putting the fire out together, the two looked at their now soot stained clothes

The witch hybrid ran a hand through their hair and sighed

"Well this is completely ruined."

Quackity frowned a little hesitant to offer his help

"If you need to you could borrow some brewing stands-"

"Really? *-* "

On the walk back to Manburg, you explained who you were

Quackity was still a little confused

"Wait but what potion were you even brewing?"

"Fire resistance."

He immediately burst out laughing, which ended up with you slapping his arm repeatedly

Eventually, you two became the definition of the "friends to lovers" trope

You often helped him de-stress after stressful days in office with Schlatt

He'd try whatever you recommended

"I'd suggest putting quartz on your nightstand."

"Cool!"

Later that night, you forgot something at his house

Once you walked into his house, you could see stacks of quartz next to his bed.

He really trusted any advice you could give him

And on days where people would criticize you for being part witch?

Big Q will attack anyone

Even if he knows he will lose

And at random parts of the day he'll just tell you oddly inspirational thoughts

"You are a bad bitch, dare I say a bad witch. Own that shit."

"That is oddly motivational, thank you. :) "

Wilbur

The former president was strolling along the side of a river, trying to form a coherent plan of action

Upon noticing a person trudging out of the water fumbling with glass bottles, Wilbur jogged over to them and put a careful hand on their shoulder

"Are you okay?"

The person moved the soggy hat out of their face and smiled

"Yeah, I just fell in the water while trying to fill up some of the bottles, but thanks for checking on me!"

He hummed in response, wondering why he was already so interested in the being before him

"Well I should probably get going, but thank you!"

"Wait! What's you name?"

"It's Y/n, and you are..?"

"Wilbur Soot, it was an honor meeting you, Y/n."

This man spent the rest of the night thinking about you and who the hell you were

He didn't know much about the mysterious person, but he did know that they were one of the most alluring people he had met in a long time

It was weeks since he saw you, Wilbur nearly gave up searching

That was until you walked into him on a rainy day

The brunette immediately went in defensive position and pulled the stranger to his chest, despite the dampened clothes

"Um, Mr. Soot?"

He looked down to see you and his face lit up

"Y/n! It's a pleasure to see you again."

He took a small step back and kissed your hand

No one can convince me that Wilbur "Gentleman" Soot does not flirt by giving hand kisses

The two went into Pogtopia and Wilbur almost immediately wrapped his coat around you

"What were you doing out there? The rain is coming down so hard you must not have been able to see well."

"I was going to ask if I could borrow a few golden carrots for a potion I'm making."

Wilbur nodded and walked towards the stared and whisper shouted down

"TOMMY BRING ME SOME GOLDEN CARROTS!"

"BUT WILBUR, I-"

"PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THE STUNNING WITCH!"

The boy at the bottom of the stairs grumbled and the tall man sat next to you once more

After a few minutes of Wilbur fawning over everything you did, a blonde male walked up the steps and glared at Wilbur as he handed you the carrots

"Simp..."

Wilbur dramatically gasped as you chuckled next to him

You eventually started coming over to Pogtopia practically every day

Most of the time it was to see Wilbur, but the rest of your time was spent creating potions for the war

As the nation grew, you were brought out of your shell more with Wilbur introducing you to everyone

He didn't want you to feel uncomfortable in a new place

You often walked along the same riverbank where you met

You have definitely pushed each other off a few times

He keeps small things that you enjoy on him at all times

He keeps a tiny bottle of sand from the river you met at, a piece of your old robe, and so much more in his pockets

Whenever he feels like he's in a dark place or justneeds to ground himself he takes out one of the items and just holds it close.

Mans is so in love

Tommy

He met you in the nether while you were farming netherwart

The blonde was thrilled to find a new fortress and decided to raid it before reinforcements came

Seeing a sleeping figure next to a bed of sould sand, he took a few congident steps forward

Once close enough, he poked you with the stick

"You good?"

"I was good when I was asleep."

"AYE I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD SO-"

After arguing for what felt like hours, you both stormed off to find both exits being blocked by wither skeletons

Tommy had gotten beaten up pretty bad after the fight so you took him back to your hut to get all patched up

"I didn't even need your help. I'm tougher than I look."

"You legitimately passed out twice on the way here."

"HOW DARE YOU, I WAS RESTING MY EYES!"

After a few hours of healing and a ton of laighter, you two became the most chaotic duo in the smp

This british raccoon child would often steal small potions to pull pranks

But unless they were really important and you needed them back, you'd always join in on the pranks

He tried to get you to make a potion using the 'Tubbo Bath Water' one time

It did not end well

At the point in your friendship where you revealed you were a hybrid, Tommy was so confused

"That makes no sense, witches are still humans, right?"

"Yeah..?"

"So how does that make you a hybrid?"

👁👄👁

"Listen here you little shit-"

He likes to show you off to anyone that can listen

"You think you're special? HA! I have a best friend that is part witch and they will kick your ass. >:)"

He is really interested in everything you do but will never ask

But if you tell him about what you're doing unprovoked?

Tommy would get so happy

He is so excited to learn what you have to teach and would be one of the best friends ever

[abundanceofnots]

The door to the darkened alley next to the Alibi Room opens behind him, letting out a jumble of voices and loud music. Mickey expected Ian to find him there sooner or later. That’s why he’s so surprised to see that it’s not his husband pushing the heavy door open with his hip, his hands occupied by holding two glasses of beer, but Tami, his—

Well, whatever they are to each other.

Strangers, mostly. Both holding the title of Gallagher family appendages—the husband and the baby mama—who occasionally shared a laugh over some Gallagher bullshit. But that has always been as far as their relationship went.

“Occupied,” he informs her curtly before he takes another drag of his cigarette.

Tami smiles, undeterred.

“I was actually looking for you,” she explains as she lets the door close behind her, cutting the sounds from the inside to mere thumps again.

“Look, if you’re already tired of your baby daddy’s dick, I can’t say I blame ya, but you’ll have to find someone else because, on principle, I don’t fuck Lip’s sloppy seconds—”

Tami makes a face. “Jesus fuck. Is that really the only reason you can think of why I might want to see you?”

His eyes dart around her head of hair as he tries to look at anywhere but her, suddenly feeling very tense.

“Yeah?”

“Well, fuck you, too. No, here, listen.” She passes him one of the beers. “I saw the way you looked back in there and thought you might wanna talk.”

Mickey’s felt sick all evening. Ever since their big announcement when Ian threw his arm around Mickey’s shoulders, squeezed him tight, and gave him that blinding grin before he told everyone the good news.

There was clapping and noise, so much fucking noise. People were reaching out their hands to tap him on the shoulder or shake his hand, and it made Mickey feel like those hands were all grasping his throat while his blood was pumping in his ears.

His plan was to spend the rest of the party here, where he could breathe again, chain-smoking his way through the ordeal. He thinks he’ll be sick if he drinks anything right now, but he takes the glass from Tami anyway.

“About?” he shoots back noncommittally.

“Why you’re scared.”

On instinct, Mickey scoffs out a laugh. “Fuck off, I ain’t scared.”

“Right,” Tami replies, giving him a pointed look over the rim of her glass as she takes a sip. “That why you’re hiding out here during your own party?”

“Just needed to—” Groaning in exasperation, Mickey pinches the bridge of his nose and composes himself. “I just needed a second away from everyone congratulatin’ me. Or callin’ me daddy Milkovich. Or fuckin’ Kermit asking if I was gonna be the mom or the dad—” He cuts himself off again, measuring Tami with a hard stare. “What’s it to you, anyway?

She responds with a sincere smile.

“Believe it or not, I was scared of having a baby, too.”

Mickey’s brows furrow in confusion. “That why you decided to have another?”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not scared anymore.”

“Sounds fuckin’ stupid.”

“Maybe,” Tami admits with half a shrug.

They spend the next few minutes in silence, Tami drinking her beer and Mickey finishing his smoke, his own beer left untouched.

“But you’re a chick, you know, so it’s different,” Mickey states resolutely after he lights another cigarette, confident he’s found an argument she couldn’t dispute. “You have, like, all those motherly instincts and shit. I don’t.”

For some reason, she snorts and shakes her head. Then, her expression softens again, and she says, “I have it on good authority that there’s one little boy who basically worships the ground you walk on.”

“He’s five. Fuck does he know,” he retorts back derisively, immediately chastising himself because Freddie knew a lot, in fact. Most importantly, how to get underneath Mickey’s skin.

Not that he didn’t love and pester Ian just as much, obviously. Everyone loved Ian, the charming motherfucker. But Mickey and the kid had a special bond, much to Lip’s irritation.

Freddie was one of the main reasons Mickey decided that he was ready to have kids all those months ago. He isn’t so sure of it now, though.

He takes another drag and lets the smoke out through his nose.

“I never thought I’d be this,” he explains ambiguously, not just meaning being a guy who gives enough shit to smoke outside a bar. “Always knew how to survive. I was good at that. I was gonna see forty, most of it behind bars, maybe fifty, if I was lucky enough and didn’t lose a fuckin’ limb at some shitty construction job. And then, one day, I wake up to a tire iron to my spine—”

“If that’s a metaphor, I don’t follow.”

“—and next thing I know, I have a whole ass husband, a fuckin’ condo on the West Side like some yuppie, and I catch myself sayin’ things like, fuck it, let’s have a kid. What’s wrong with me? I can’t fuckin’ do this, can I?”

The truth he’ll never admit to anyone, probably, is that Tami’s right. He is scared. Fucking terrified, really. Because there’s a kid who will have him for a dad, and Mickey feels sorry for it.

The poor bastard isn’t even a proper baby yet. It’s just a sonogram stuck to their fridge. A baby-like matter that Ian’s app insists is the size of cauliflower now. When Mickey finally managed to spot one in Whole Foods, he found himself apologizing to it for some bizarre reason.

He doesn’t want to be like his dad. He wants to do this right, but he doesn’t know if he knows how.

“The most important thing?” Tami breaks the silence then, reading Mickey’s reaction correctly even when he doesn’t say anything. “You don’t bail on this kid. Or Ian, because he’ll need you to be there just as much.”

Mickey bites his cheek and nods. There’s a chance he’d say more, ask Tami for advice even, maybe, if, at that very second, Ian didn’t come out to join them, bursting out of the alleyway door as if summoned.

“There’s the pops-to-be!” he cheers a little too loudly with a smile that splits his whole face. He stumbles forward on clumsy feet and envelops Mickey tightly in his arms. “I was looking for you.”

“Fuckin’ octopus-man,” Mickey laughs, careful not to let the drunk idiot spill his beer. “How much did you have to drink?”

“Just a couple beers,” Ian answers as he nuzzles into Mickey’s neck.

“Such a fuckin’ lightweight.”

Humming his agreement, Ian snags Mickey’s glass and knocks down most of its contents in one go. He belches before saying in a low voice, “I was planning on dragging your ass to the bathroom later and having my way with you, but since we’re already here, alone...”

He already has his free hand palming at Mickey’s dick over his jeans when Tami makes a sound behind him, something between a snort and a cough.

Ian’s eyes take a minute to properly zero in on her.

“Tami! Hey!” he greets her with exaggerated excitement. “You’re here, too. Why are you here, too? Something wrong?”

Tami looks pointedly at Mickey. “Wanna tell him, or should I?”

He seriously considers being honest for a second, but his next words are out before he can stop them.

“Your brother’s girlfriend was tryna jump me.”

Tami almost chokes on the incredulous huff of laughter she lets out. She finishes her beer and shakes her head, staring Mickey down.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, Mickey, I swear to God. Forget I ever said anything,” she barks at him as she goes for the door.

“Hey, Tami,” Mickey stops her last minute. “Thanks, or whatever.”

Tami rolls her eyes. Still, just before she slips back inside, she throws a quick smile over her shoulder.

“Did you just thank her for trying to fuck you?” Ian inquires stupidly when the door closes behind her.

“Sure,” Mickey sounds off without further explanation.

He turns back to his husband and lightly pats his cheek, letting his hand slide all the way down to his junk in hopes of pointing his attention in the right direction again. “So, about those plans you had—“

But all of a sudden, Ian’s white as a sheet, giving him a look of absolute horror.

“What?” Mickey asks, mirroring his look.

“Think I’m gonna puke.”

“’ Course you are,” Mickey has enough time to groan before Ian bends in half and proceeds to throw up on the sidewalk.

Mickey takes a few steps away, trying to give Ian some privacy, but he’s stopped by a hand clutching his wrist and pulling him back.

“I’m so sorry, Mick,” Ian says in between spits as his hand slides down to hold Mickey’s awkwardly.

“Hey, that’s okay,” Mickey tells him gently—just as gently as he strokes his back in big circles. “I’m here.”

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Four

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings, oral sex (both), penetrative sex, Perv!Spencer low-key, public sex, quickies, multiple orgasms,

Word Count: 5k

a/n: what could possibly go wrong next?

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | epilogue

She’s been asleep barely 2 hours when he shakes her awake, “Hey, when did you need to get ready today?”

“Uh?” She sits up and rubs her eyes, “we don’t have to leave until 1 so, like 11?”

“It’s 8:30, did you want to stay and sleep more?”

She looks at him and sighs, “are we okay?”

He nods, “can we just call it even?”

“Sure,” she agrees without knowing what she did wrong. It was more than just snapping on Tuesday, which is what she was still hurt over. “But I’m going to go, I need to change and stuff.”

“Yeah,” he nods but his smile is sad and she knows she’s fucking it up more.

She gets out of his bed, once it was the warmest bed she’s ever known. Any bed she shared with him was, but now it felt cold and uninviting and there was an unspoken knowingness that they were both genuinely upset.

“I’m still your fake girlfriend for the next 24 hours… can we make them count?” She asks, avoiding eye contact so he can't see her cry if he says no.

“Come here?”

She gets back into the bed and she cuddles into his chest. He holds her for a moment, “you’ve been the best girlfriend in the whole world. Do you really still want to be friends after this? Have I fucked up that bad?”

“Oh honey,” she places a hand on his cheek and looks at him softly, “I will be your neighbour, your best friend, your co-worker, carpool buddy, coffee friend, girlfriend, whatever you need as long as you’d like to have me around.”

He remembers the first time she said that and she knows because his smile is the same. “I love you.”

It hurts, “I love you, too.”

She kisses him quickly, attempting to pull back when his fingers grip her hair and his tongue is on her lips and she’s following his lead again.

“No,” she whispers, “I can’t.”

“Oh,” he stops and his hands drop to his sides so she can get back up.

“I’m going to go get ready, but I’ll come back when I’m done?”

“Yeah,” he nods again.

It breaks her heart to get up and go, she grabs her shoes and she sneaks out of his room, finding her keys in her pocket, she opens her own door and cries the second the door closes.

She cries in the shower, she cries while fixes her hair, she cries while she has lunch. Every song reminds her of the situation, every section of her apartment reminds her of him, the stupid door where they first kissed is closed and she wishes he was stable enough to bang on it and demand an answer.

Whatever was going on between them was reaching a bubbling over point, she can only store so much emotion before she explodes on him.

As soon as she is in her dress, makeup on and ready to go, she walks into his apartment to find him struggling with his bowtie, it makes her smile for the first time since she left his room this morning, “need help?”

“Yes, please.”

She walks over to him and repeats the same movements he attempted, making the bow look pretty before smoothing her hands over his dress shirt and looking up at him. “Handsome as ever.”

“You’re always beautiful,” he compliments her right back but his voice is still as sad as the night before.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on in there?” She pries, tapping his temple with her index finger, “you’re my best friend and I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“I heard what you said yesterday,” he whispers, “about how if you were just using someone you would have picked Derek.”

“And?” She doesn’t get why it’s a big deal because it makes perfect sense to her in her mind.

“And it hurt me,” he snaps, “quite a lot!?”

And the dam breaks.

“Because I proved to them that I’m not using you? Spencer do you know what I meant by that?” She snaps right back.

“What else could it mean?! Clearly I’m not hot enough for you to just fuck and toss aside—”

“I meant that I love you and that’s why I’m with you! If I was just using someone for a job then I’d fuck Derek cause he’s a one and done, toss them to the side and never see them again, kind of guy!”

“And?” He repeats her word choice in a snippy tone that makes her furious but she knows he’s just trying his best to understand her.

She sighs loudly and obnoxiously, “and you’re a take him to meet your mom, marry and have his babies, love him for the rest of your life and one day scatter his ashes, kind of lover.” Crying by the end, she wipes her tears and tries to stay somewhat presentable-looking.

He’s silent, eyes wide as he takes in all her words, “I have always loved you,” she adds, “and no matter how fucking angry I am or how stressed or upset, I am never going to stop loving you, Spencer.”

“Me either,” his tone is still just as upset, “and that's the part that sucks.”

“What do you mean?” She just poured her heart out to him and he still doesn’t get it.

“I LOVE YOU!” He screams it at her with his hands thrown in the air, “I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in my entire fucking life and it’s driving me crazy!”

“It’s driving you crazy?” She can��t help but laugh like she’s losing her mind, “I have been doing everything in my power to make you understand that I love you and you keep thinking I just want to be friends!”

“Because you said you loved me like a friend the first time?!”

“No, I fucking didn’t!” She is so frustrated she’s turning the same colour as her dress, steaming from her ears like a cartoon character.

“I asked if best friends can be in love because I wanted to see if you would say you loved me more than that, and then you fucking said “yeah cause that’s how I love you” which means you love me as a friend?!”

“Because I thought that’s what you wanted?!”

She can’t rub her eyes cause she’ll ruin her makeup but she is so mad she just wants to scream. Pressing her fingers to her own temples, she turns away from him and sighs, she loves him so much and yet this is the most frustrating thing that’s ever happened.

“You are so lucky,” she just laughs, shaking her head back and forth as she turns back to him, “you are so fuckin’ lucky.”

“Why?”

She wraps her arms around his middle and looks up into his eyes with one last sigh, “we have to go or we’ll be late, so I can’t explain all of my feelings right now, so let’s bench this conversation and I can show you just how much I love you when we get back?”

“Okay,” he nods. He rests his hands on her arms and he looks down with the softest glance, he’s still trying so hard to not cry. “I’m really sorry.”

“So am I, I should have listened to you better and explained myself more,” she whispers, “do you believe me now?”

He nods, “I told you, it’s hard for me.”

“I tried my best to be subtle so I didn’t scare you off, but I guess you really don’t do subtle?” She can’t help but laugh, “but I really do love you.”

His hands are on her cheeks, pulling her into a kiss, she melts against him. He breathes her in, it’s the longest and deepest kiss she’s ever had and she honestly feels like he’s taking her soul and making her his. She belongs to him and she knows it, now he does too.

“I love you, too.”

—

All eyes are on her and it makes him smile, she’s the only one in a red dress in a room full of black and white, she stands out like a sore thumb. She looks the most beautiful, she stands beside Spencer with her arm wrapped around his and a huge smile on her face, it makes him even happier to see her smile again.

The hardest part of fighting with her was knowing she was upset and that he was only making it worse. Seeing her smile return is everything to him, he loves her more than words can express and she loves him right back, he can tell by the way she smiles at him; because it’s exactly the same way he’s smiling at her.

“I see that you’ve made up,” Derek interrupts their current dance to say hello.

The BAU team was always so busy on nights like this, they had all the best stories and everyone wanted to hear them, which meant they typically didn’t see each other a lot for the whole night.

“We did,” Spencer smiles. “Thank’s Derek.”

She looks up at them both, confused, “how many of them know?”

“Huh?” He plays dumb but she can see right through him.

“Do they all know I’m not really your girlfriend or is it just Aaron, Derek and whoever else you told?”

“Elle,” he says her name. “I told the first girl I slept with that I was falling in love with you because I needed advice from someone who has already been with me and knows how I get.”

“Sick, cool, love that for you,” she smiles and walks away.

He grabs her and she stops, “I told you how much it hurt that I had no one to talk to and you told all of them? And you couldn’t even tell me you really loved me this whole time? I thought we were best friends Spencer?” She shakes her head, disappointed more than anything, swatting his hand off her as he reaches to stop her.

“Let her go, she’s right to be a little mad,” Derek holds him back. “let her be mad.”

“Why?” Spencer is so new to relationships he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“She wants to be your girlfriend for real, let her calm down and then go apologize and ask her,” Derek's smile is sweet as he pulls Spencer into a hug.

It slowly becomes a dance, everyone is used to Derek being touchy with his friends, he has danced with everyone so far tonight so it’s only fair Spencer has a turn. Spencer holds him tight, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to think about all the attention he’s been getting since they arrived.

“Thank you for always being here for me,” he whispers, “but I have to go see her.”

“Fights like this just make your relationship stronger, it teaches you how she wants you to communicate, she just wants you to be honest with her, always,” he whispers with his cheek pressed to Spencer's, “and angry make-up sex is really fun.”

It makes him laugh, “thanks, but she won’t be sleeping with me for a few days, if my memory is correct then she’s mad for more than one reason.”

“Ah,” Derek gets it, “good luck my friend. Good luck.”

When Spencer pulls away, he heads in the direction Y/N left and follows the hallway as far as it goes. She’s sitting on a bench by a window, staring off at the night sky as she takes some deep breaths. She looks a little more peaceful, she’s had a really rough few weeks and he’s not making it any easier on her.

“I know two things for sure,” he speaks softly but she still jumps a little as she turns to him.

“What would they be?”

“That you’re the love of my life,” he’s confident as he sits on the bench beside her and takes her hand in his. “And I’m an idiot when it comes to love.”

“That is quite the dilemma,” she smirks, her eyes gleam as she looks at him and he knows she was trying not to cry by how glossy they are, but it makes her more beautiful, somehow.

“I’m really sorry.”

“All you have to do is tell me the truth, Spencer,” she places her hand on his leg and leans in with a whisper, “it’s really simple.”

“Truth is,” he whispers right back, lips close enough to kiss, “I’m never going to stop loving you, which means more stupid moments are in my future. Just so you know.”

She giggles and kisses him quickly, “I don’t mind being the smart one in the relationship, but you still have to ask.”

“Will you be my girlfriend and let me love you for the rest of my life, no matter how much I fuck up and drive you crazy?” He teases her, knowing she’ll say yes regardless.

“On one condition,” she can’t hide the smirk on her face and he’s nervous at what she’s thinking.

“Anything?”

“You let me love you for just as long? If not longer.”

He nods, “forever?”

She nods back before kissing him just as deeply as they did that morning, her hands in his hair as she presses his face into her’s with force. She holds him there and breathes him in, pulling back with a classic smooch sound, she smiles again, “you’re my boyfriend now.”

He nods with a small smile, “what should we do first as boyfriend and girlfriend?”

She bites her lip and pretends to think about it for a moment, “fuck in the linen closet down the hall?”

“I don’t have any condoms on me?” Is his only worry, not getting caught, not that all their bosses and superiors were there, just that he didn’t have a condom.

She pulls one out of her bra with a smile, “Savannah gave this to me about 3 minutes before you came over here.”

“How much make-up sex do they have?” He asks as he takes her hand and leads her down the hallway.

She’s giddy and smiling, her heels click on the floor as they rush to the other end of the hall and open the little door. There are shelves with towels and rolls upon rolls of silverware in cloth napkins. A vacuum in the corner, some brooms and just enough room for them.

She pulls him in closer and shuts the door, reconnecting their lips as she pushes him up against it. Hands reaching for his belt she kisses down his neck and he’s like putty in her hands as soon as she strokes him, he moans by accident and she covers his mouth with her free hand.

“Do you have any idea how turned on you make me? I have wanted to fuck you since I first saw you, 6 years ago…”

“Really?” His muffled voice behind her hand makes her laugh. She removes her hand and instead runs her fingers through his hair while taking a moment to look at him and really take it all in.

“Yeah,” she nods, “which is why I asked to sleep with you on the way home from the bar, I didn’t know if I could handle it either it, but I’ve always wanted Doctor Reid from the BAU to rail me. I just didn’t think we’d end up falling in love?”

“No one has ever admitted to having a crush on me and meant it,” he whispers.

“I’m glad I get to be one of your firsts,” she smiles again before he pulls her into another kiss.

She kisses the side of his mouth and then his jaw, down his neck and then she’s dropping to her knees in front of him. He’s hard in her hands but he twitches as he sees her like this, looking up at him with lust-blown eyes as she strokes him, she flattens her tongue and taps the tip of his cock to it.

He has to cover his own mouth or else he’s going to get them caught, he moans at the feeling, closing his eyes and that's when she takes him in her mouth. His free hand is in her hair, careful not to mess it up but enough grip to steady himself.

He tilts his head back against the door with a knock and a sign, “fuck,” he can’t help but talk into his hand which only makes it sound louder in the tight space.

She feels so good every single time and yet this one feels different, he looks down at her and she pulls off, “what’s wrong?”

“I love you,” he shrugs.

He helps her back up to her feet and she backs up against the shelves, “come here?”

He helps her hike her dress up, holding all the material up as he slips her underwear off and takes that condom back out of her bra with a single kiss to her chest. He rolls it over himself and lines up with her, her arms wrap around his shoulders as she looks at him, “show me how much you love me?”

He slides in and they don’t break eye contact as she takes him, her mouth opens in a silent gasp at the feeling, her hands grip his shoulders tighter as she steadies her ass on a shelf and wraps her legs around him while he bottoms out.

With a hand on her cheek and one on her lower back, he pulls out and thrusts back in with a smile as she bites back a moan, she pulls his face in close to hers to kiss him while he fucks her. The hand on his cheek slides down her neck, applying a small amount of pressure that makes her breathing hitch. She swallows sharply before his hand starts to trail over her breasts and then between them.

With a thumb on her clit, he fucks her a little harder while rubbing his thumb in a circle. She’s breathing heavily into his mouth, placing sloppy kisses against each other as they enjoyed each other.

She’s so close and he knows it, and then there is a knock on the door.

“Spence, we have a case when you’re done?” He hears Derek's voice behind the door and he can’t believe it.

“Okay!” He calls back without stopping, instead, he fucks into her a little faster.

“Oh!” She moans by accident before covering her mouth with a slap and wide eyes, moaning behind her hand as she bounces on his cock.

He kisses her hand, making her move it so he can press his lips back to hers and absorb all the noises she was going to make, her hands both reach for his back, gripping his suit jacket so tight he’s afraid she might rip it.

She cums with a shocked gasp, it’s as quiet as possible but it still echos around them as he gets closer and closer. He buries his face in her neck and accidentally moans as well as he cums, stilling his hips as he holds her there, sputtering his hips against hers as they catch their breath.

“I love you,” he manages to say between breaths, “that much.”

“You need to go,” she smiles.

He kisses her one last time before he pulls out, he loves the way she gasps every time he does so. She smiles after, their teeth clashing as they laugh, “I’m going to get in so much trouble.”

“I’m never going to get a job,” she shakes her head as she gets off the shelf and fixes her dress.

He takes off the condom and wraps it in some paper towel on the shelf, he’ll get rid of it later. She picks up her underwear, he thinks she puts them back on, but she really slides them into his pocket for him to find in the middle of the case when he reaches for something important...

—

She rides back to headquarters with Penelope and JJ, both of them want to ask and she knows it. Mainly because she looks like she’s had sex, and also because she asks to stop at the academy so she can get another pair of underwear from her locker.

It’s not until they’re in Penelope’s office that they ask, “what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” She plays dumb.

“Dating Spencer?” Penelope says, “more specifically, having sex with him?” She mumbles and it makes Y/N laugh.

“In total, we’ve been having sex for 3 weeks now and I’ve had 21 orgasms, and we only really fuck on the weekends cause that’s when we’re not busy…” she grinds her teeth slightly with a raised brow, taking a deep breath, “yeah. It’s really great.”

“Holy shit?” They both look more shocked than she’s ever seen them. “How many has he had?” Penelope asks with a quiet voice, pretending she didn’t.

She laughs slightly, “like maybe 14? He’s really generous.”

“What the fuck?” JJ turns to Penelope and shakes her head and there’s something more there that Y/N can sense.

“Who’s Elle?” She asks and they both turn to her with the biggest eyes.

“How do you know about Elle?”

“She’s the first person he slept with?”

“When?” They both shout.

“So he wasn’t kidding. You guys really thought he was a virgin this whole time?” She looks at them like they’re crazy. “How?”

They both just shake their heads and sigh, stuttering and looking for words they don’t have. “We just never thought he could?”

“Snooze ya loose, I guess?” She shrugs, “so what is the case and how can I help?”

“Right! We have a case,” Penelope snaps back into it, “but seriously Elle? Are you sure you have your names right?”

“Penelope,” she looks at her seriously.

“Right, they’re headed to Roanoke.”

There was a child abduction of a 6-year-old girl, CARD and the BAU were both called out and that meant everyone was mingling on the two floors and they would use as much help as possible.

It also turns out that Anderson’s surrogate went into labour a little earlier than anyone expected; so he and his husband have left for paternity leave early. Leaving JJ without an assistant and she really needs help in the office for this one.

She catches on rather quickly, knowing the protocols from her training and she’s not afraid to ask questions. She’s still in her dress, her heels click on the tiles as she rushes around with files, making phone calls and running from the briefing room to Penelope’s office.

When they finally crack the case and apprehend the suspect, she sits down finally. It’s been 11 hours since the banquet, and she was exhausted beyond belief. She never slept the night before, Spencer was uncomfortable and she was in her jeans and when she did fall asleep, he was waking her up moments later to get ready.

It's Sunday morning at 9 am when Spencer finally returns back at headquarters. She’s sitting at his desk when he comes up and wraps his arms around her, “we’re going home, come on.”

“Don’t you have to debrief?”

“Did that on the way back,” he turns her around in the role chair and tilts her head up to look at him, she’s so tired and he can tell. “You have a big day tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” she stands up with his help, “I did enough profiling today and now I have a whole week to get through.”

“Just to come back and work here,” he smiles, “if you still want to?”

She wraps him up in a real hug and nods against him, “it’s so fun, even with all the murder.”

“Coming home to this is really nice,” he whispers before kissing her cheek quickly, “I’m glad you like it here.”

“Well, well, well,” Derek's voice is behind them. They pull away to see him smiling, arms wide as he saunters over, “if it isn’t the new romantics.”

“Did you have any suspicions?” Y/N asks, he was a profiler after all.

“I knew something was up,” he’s honest. “I knew you guys were actually doing stuff together, I just didn’t think there was so much angst behind closed doors?”

“You have no idea,” Y/N laughs, holding Spencer closer, “it took too long.”

“I thought you were fighting about the job, cause he wasn’t really upset until you were in Penelope’s office, and I heard the rumours even before he heard what you said,” Derek smiles again, “but I also knew you loved him and he loves you.”

“Correct,” she can’t help but smile. “But we really should head home.”

“Home we go,” Spencer agrees.

—

She asks him to unzip her dress the second they’re back in her apartment. She drops the dress to the floor and heads to the bathroom and he’s left alone in her room. It feels different now. He remembers kissing her in the living room for the first time like it was yesterday, he remembers the first time they had sex, the first time he said I love you, and now he’s here and she’s his girlfriend and he’s going to get to make more memories with her.

He’s so embarrassed by how much he’s been crying lately, something about being in his mid-30s was making him feel like he was about to go through menopause— he has never been very openly emotional, but it’s about time he lets himself feel. He wipes the tears and turns to face the wall while he takes his suit off.

He’s been through too much, a lot of which she doesn’t know of. She has promised him forever, whether she means it or not, and he’s worried he’s going to fuck it up before he gets there.

When she comes back, she lays a towel down on her side of the bed and gets in, “guess who got her period on her first day of work?”

“No?” He gasps, playing along with her playful mood. “At least you’re not pregnant.”

“Thank god,” she sighs, “please for the love of God, don’t get me pregnant for at least 5 years? I want a decent career first so that I don't miss much on maternity leave. I really don't want to be benched for having kids.”

He cries again and she looks so concerned as she gets out of bed and wraps her arms around him, “what did I say wrong, Spencer?”

Still facing the wall, he just lets it all out, “I’m sorry.”

“For what, sweetheart?” She attempts to soothe him by running her hands down his arms, “for crying or something else?”

“Crying,” he whispers and she turns him around then.

“Hey,” she looks up at him with the softest expression he’s ever seen, “you are allowed to have emotions, you are allowed to show them and ask for help and tell me when you need something. I’m not going to think you’re too much, or I can’t handle you or think of you as a burden. I know that’s how you feel because it’s how I fell, and we don’t need to go through that together.”

“I love you,” it’s the only thing that feels right to say.

“I love you,” she repeats it, “what made you cry?”

“Can we get in bed first?”

“Yeah, finish getting ready and then come tell me,” she whispers before reaching up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He slips away to go to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. He’s exhausted but he doesn’t want to miss any time with her. He hurries back to her side, getting into bed in his underwear and making sure both his phones are on the night table, charged and ready if they need him.

But until then, he belonged to her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep?” It’s the first thing he asks because he knows she has a big day tomorrow. “It can wait.”

“What’s that thing you say about intermittent sleep is actually better?”

“Don’t use my words against me, I do that so people don’t stop me from doing what I think I deserve,” he’s truthful. “I’m not going to ever lie or fib to you again. I hate myself, and if I don’t feel like I’ve done enough I won't sleep or eat sometimes.”

“I do that too,” she’s not proud, “are you trying to tell me you cried cause you’re hungry or tired?”

“No,” he smiles, “but thank you for asking for clarification, I like this new system.”

“Me too.”

“I cried because I really love you and I’m realizing this is all real and I’m going to get to make good memories with you, and when you said kids, even in a hypothetical sense, it made it feel real for me,” he whispers the words before pressing his lips together awkwardly.

She glows in the lap light like she did that first night, “it’s a weird concept, isn’t it? The future. At some point I’m going to have known you longer than anyone, one day we’ll have lived with each other longer than we’ve lived apart. We might be grandparents together one day? It’s all weird to think about.”

“Do you seriously want all that with me?” He’s asking because he has another question to ask right after.

“Yes, Spencer,” she laughs. “I really do.”

“Would you like to Marry me?”

“Seriously?” Her eyes widen and her jaw drops and he’s never seen her look this stunned before.

He nods, “my mom isn’t going to able to appreciate my wedding the longer I wait, and if you really mean it; I’d like to have a wedding with my mom there while she remembers me.”

“I know her birthday is coming up, but can we bring her here instead?”

“Why?”

“My parents decided to drive from Salam to here for my graduation and use the flight money on a nice Airbnb for the week. We should do it while they’re all here because I don’t know when they’d be able to come back,” she has had the same worries about her parents missing her life.

“I’ll ask my mom,” he smiles. “So we’re getting married?”

“in like a week,” she laughs, “oh fuck, how are we going to do that in a week?”

He rolls over and grabs his personal phone, he dials a number and she looks even more confused now.

“Hey Penelope, how fast can you plan a wedding?”

~

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