#again I’m not usually one wild about fictional couples or ships but they put something in these two�� four?

[fights4users]

Thinking about them again your honor.

It’s about how Lora/Yori is always the guide, always knows just where to go and what to do and how Alan/Tron happily go along with it. They trust she knows best (they’re also a total sap about her)

It’s the “if I’m not holding your hand right now I’ll explode”. They’re so touchy and my heart can’t take it? Lora/Yori has a tendency to cling to his arm, press herself into his shoulder and it’s absolutely everything.

Also no one talks about how funny the arcade scene is, Lora is just giggling and dragging him along as Alan is going through increasing stages of ‘oh my god what have I got myself into- what is this guy’ — this arcade serves all ages and demographics and somehow he still sticks out! In this case it’s a reverse where Lora is the one to ‘protect’ him and I’m going to loose it.

[jurijurijurious]

Writerly ephemera meme

I was tagged by @thisbluespirit in this rather intriguing meme!

Find five bits of yourself that you gave to your fiction (memories and places and phrases and things into our stories), post and tag five or more writers to share as well.

Now I know I do write bits of myself and my experiences into my stories, one way or another, I think everyone does, but it doesn’t half put you on the spot when you have to try to remember where you’ve done it!

1) I know that recently I wrote Walsingham passing out at the end of a scene in “Mea Culpa”. The entire description is based on personal experience. I went through a scary few years as a young teen where I would pass out for little to no reason, usually at school where there were lots of people watching to cause me huge embarrassment, which then almost gave me a form of PTSD. I was constantly anxious about fainting, it was not good, and we never found out why it happened. But that’s another story... I still occasionally pass out but it’s usually for a reason, after having a vaccine or blood taken or something, but the whole process of fainting, though horrible, is like an old nemesis to me, uncomfortably familiar. I generally feel intense sickness in my stomach, my vision is puckered increasingly with white dots, my entire body comes out in a sweat, and I hear a high pitched whistle-type noise as I lose consciousness. And so since that is my experience, it became Wals’s too:

His palms sweated, his pulse raced...  He shuddered and emitted another strangled breath, fingers white where he clutched the window sill, body trembling.  He needed rest.  Ursula's voice was becoming distant, the room was swaying like the deck of a ship caught in a storm.  He felt a sudden nausea in his stomach, could hear a high pitched sound in his ears, a siren's wail beckoning him into the abyss.

“I am sorry.  So very sorry,” he whispered, though he knew not exactly who he was addressing.  His own voice now sounded as if it was coming from underwater, far away; he was drowning and could resist no more, slipped where he stood and descended into the open arms of oblivion.

2) This is another Walsibeth example I’m afraid because I haven’t written anything else for about a decade! So... Though the pandemic and my lack of funds has put a temporary hold to my hobby of horse riding, I am a half-capable rider and love tearing across country if opportunity allows on horseback. I can thus write people riding horses (English style, anyway) with a degree of accuracy. So in my smutty one-shot fic “In perpetuum et unum diem” (the one which is mostly a pastiche of the raunchy finale of “The Tudors” season 1, and also an excuse for me to write shameless sex), I began the ficlet with a bit of a horse-race between Bess and Wals to get the blood up (a scene that in itself mirrors Elizabeth’s racing with Raleigh in TGA, I later realised). Though I personally haven’t raced a person on horseback per se, I have done beach rides and also ridden on a horseback safari in Africa where you gallop as a group, and “giving your horse its head” is the order of the day! So a lot of this passage is me:

She turned her head back over her shoulder and caught Francis’ eyes.  His lip quirked slightly at the corner but otherwise there was no change to his countenance.  But that was enough.  Her smile deepend as if to invite him to race her and she turned her head back around, gave her dappled grey mare its head and pressed her calves to its flanks.  And the beast responded, driving its legs harder, faster, into a gallop and flew like a falcon through the trees.

...

As the wind flew in Elizabeth’s face, making her eyes water, a great whoop of exhilaration escaped her.  There was nothing but her and the horse, and the knowledge that her blackguard of a lover galloped behind her.  This was what it should feel like to live, even in tragically brief snippets; to feel the blood in your veins, the air in your chest, and the sun on your face, wild and free.

They then jump a tree trunk which I’d love to say I’d do, and I might, but most of my falls have been from jumping so I’d probably wimp out and go the long way around... ;)

3) Annnd another one from my Walsibeth fic “Mea Culpa”, just because it’s fresh in my mind. When I was driving to work last winter, there was one Sunday morning which had a jaw-droppingly beautiful sunrise. I tried to take a photo of it but could not do it justice. I did find a photo of Lincoln Cathedral on instagram from the same morning though which captured the sky perfectly. It literally looked like the sky was on fire, or something, and I immediately worked this memory into my story! I felt that a sky like that would make the perfect backdrop for a single, forlorn, broken bastard riding his horse in a clear, freezing morning:

There was a strange light in the sky as the sun began to make its ascent.  It turned a deep crimson then lifted to shades of rich amber and gold; this combined with the few grey clouds passing overhead gave it the illusion of a huge fire, as if a great furnace now filled the heavens.  Some might have called it beautiful, others would see a grim omen.

4) I had a look in my dreaded old fic archive, so full of cringe, and I found this from the end of my Doctor Who fic “Choices”, which I reckon I wrote between 2005-2006, possibly finishing it later than that. This scene right at the end (told from the perspective of Rose and the ninth Doctor’s daughter, Hope) is literally my old senior school - the class length, the finish time, the uniform was what I wore, and my history teacher was Mrs. Gaskin, and my mum would be waiting in her car to pick me and my sisters up:

By a quarter-to-three in the afternoon, she was in another History lesson with Mrs. Gaskin, and was spending another forty-five minutes hearing about the Black Death, the plague doctors, and the red crosses that were painted on people’s doors. It was fascinating, but Hope’s concentration wasn’t there. She kept looking out of the window at the school yard, noticing the little details that other days she would take for granted - like the way the trees swayed in the wind, the way a crisp-packet rolled across the concrete, and the pure azure-blue colour of the cloudless sky. Something was afoot but she had no idea what it was, or why she was feeling this way.

The bell rang finally at the end of the lesson, as the clock read three-thirty, and the class disappeared swiftly out of the door. It was home time! The voices of myriads of children echoed and shrilled down the corridors, and desperate feet, eager to get home, pounded down the stairs, making for the exits. White shirts were un-tucked from trouser and skirt hems, blue-and-red ties were loosened from about shirt collars, and black blazers were thrown off and carried over shoulders as the mass of pupils took flight.

Hope, however, took things slowly, almost as if she might never see them again, picking up on every smile, every individual laugh, and every joke pulled on every unsuspecting victim. She waved goodbye to friends, hitched her backpack over her shoulder, and made her way out of the school gates toward the spot where her mum or Uncle Jack would usually be waiting to pick her up. As she turned the corner onto Petunia Grove, though, she stopped and sighed. The car - either her mum’s or Jack’s - was not there.

Hope pursed her lips and shrugged, taking another good look around just to make sure that she hadn’t missed it, but there wasn’t a familiar car in sight. She thus let her bag slip off her shoulder, and she perched her backside on the street sign, swinging one of her feet back and forth as she waited for the arrival of her escort.

In the meantime, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander again, as it had been doing often throughout the day, and looked around the street. There was a blue tit on the hedge over the road, stood near a couple of sparrows and a robin. The front door of house number five was a brilliant shade of red, something which she had never really noticed before, and there was some graffiti on the road sign on the opposite side of the street. It read ‘Bad’ something or other, but she couldn’t read the other word since it was blocked off by the blue box.

Hope blinked and slowly rose to her feet. It couldn’t be…

5) And for number five, this is a short extract from the an unpublished Star Wars fic I wrote around 2010, where I tried for what must have been the third time to re-write the Star Wars nonsense I wrote as a teenager, all starring my very Mary Sue OC, Nadia, who became Vader’s apprentice and was mentored by Veers. I have here again worked my experiences of passing out into the story - a psychologist would have a field day with me. Nadia’s thoughts about showing weakness were also real fears of mine - I never liked to be weak, to be ill, to be a burden, and my character was the mouthpiece for my own self-disgust. It’s written in the first person with Nadia narrating in this scene where she accompanies General (Maximilian) Veers to the Kaminoan’s cloning facility to review further batches of troops and is taken ill by the experience of seeing the thousands of farmed foetuses:

Max nodded whilst I remained breathless and shaky in his shadow. I could not get those tiny, wriggling foetuses out of many head - they floated upon my consciousness, their inhuman eyes glaring into my face and their tiny hands reaching out toward me. I tried to rid myself of these infantile phantoms, but I could not, and I suddenly felt quite ill.

“We shall need many more in our next delivery,” Max told the creature, who began to babble on about the problems of this request, but was halted mid-sentence when Maximilian wheeled about and grabbed me, saying my name over and over. He disappeared amidst the snowstorm of white dots that littered my vision, however, and I collapsed upon the floor.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a bright, white room. The walls dazzled me for a moment and it took my eyes and my mind time to adjust and to recognise reality. I looked slowly at the plain walls, finding myself alone upon a bed with my hands by my sides and a drip feeding liquid into my arm. This seemed quite surreal - I knew I was not ill enough to warrant this - but I resolved to stay put until someone came to me. I felt extremely tired and I thought that I may as well take advantage of the rest.

I fell back to sleep again and, when I next woke, I saw Max sat in a chair beside me. I glanced about the room - we were alone. I looked at him uncertainly, my visage undoubtedly betraying the signs of my mortification, for he first said: “Do not worry, Nadia, I am not angry with you. It cannot always be helped.”

...

I wanted to defy him, to be strong, but no, I just showed him weakness and insecurity. What indignity was this?

Thanks for the tag, that was fun! I can’t think of 5 writers to tag but off the top of my head: @feuillesmortes, @robins-treasure and @captainofthegreenpeas? Have a go if you fancy.

[prairiedust]

More Last Holiday Musings...

I want to poke at that interdimensional geoscope a little more, because upon reading it over again, I think I splashed it up a little fast and there are a couple of points I’d like to be clearer about. I meant to queue this up to post last night but also want it to be up before Gimme Shelter so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This is more blue curtains lit crit with a dash of folklore and an honorable mention for post-structuralism. And we’re talking about Supernatural after all, so this is sort of... well, it’s about endings.

Last Holiday was not a typical “filler” or even a typical MOTW episode. It felt extremely insular, possibly more so than any other episode I can think at any other point in the series. As opposed to the usual crowd of “locals,” a spate of victims, and a couple of red herring suspects, the only other people in this ep besides the Winchesters (including Jack) and Mrs. Butters were the two vampires and Cuthbert Sinclair. There was no “case” as in a usual MOTW-- there was no Chuck Struggle, either, and the lack of mytharc was strange against the lack of “filler” schema. That lack of “MOTW investigation” marked this episode also as being about “curiosity”-- the Winchesters all-too-quickly took Mrs. Butters for granted-- Dean even dismissed her as a “Magic Roomba” and that seemed to settle the matter. Furthermore, the moment that Dean spotted Mrs. B in his room, the stage was set for Antics ™ when she held up his goofy Scooby boxers, and indeed a zaniness, an almost manic energy drove the action forward at a breakneck pace. [Spoiler alert, we do get “investigation” in the next episode, 15x15 Gimme Shelter, as stills and the preview show that Castiel and Jack will be teaming up together, in yet another shake-up of the usual “MOTW” template, almost like we can expect the other side of a coin when Sam and Dean switch places with Cas...] These features set Last Holiday apart as not so much “filler” as “between,” as in there was struggle before, and there will be struggle after, but for a while there was cake. (Contrast this to the usual “peril of the threshold” that usually shrouds liminality if you’d like.)

At the end of Last Holiday, however, we finally get to find out what that old blue telescope really is, and with that name we get confirmation that there are no more alternate universes-- Chuck has burned them all. Viewers are left to come to the conclusion that in retrospect the telescope-thing could have changed the course of season 13 completely. The reveal is played off as darkly funny, but it’s also kind of a gut-wrenching moment, too. All the heartbreak of the last two and a half years, reviewed now through the lens of “if only.” If only they’d known about Mrs. Butters from the time they found the bunker, “none of this would have happened”… they’d have had monster radar, they’d have had the geoscope, they would have had supernatural help of a completely different level.

The temptation to read Last Holiday as a Chuck-free episode is strong, but fraught-- the threat of Chuck’s involvement has been established by a pattern this season (well the pattern is woven throughout the whole series really but Dabb has deliberately structured these last three seasons with an exponentially increasing frequency.) I feel like we’ve been conditioned this season in particular to hold ourselves in a perpetual flinch, to be afraid of what we’ll learn “in retrospect.” That geoscope was really_good_subtext, and it is entirely possible, even encouraged, at this point in the plot to take information we’ve learned from the naming of the object, examine our own conditioned response to this episode, and apply both things to the structure of the season so far and make a prediction as to what might happen in the main plot. That’s what I mean about subtext getting loud. We’ve been given the green-light to make a prediction about The Struggle and march forward with it, and see if we will be correct by extrapolating the pattern, or if that expectation will be subverted (the twist is set up to run either way, so either outcome is satisfying.) It is Melville-esque architecture of the highest degree;I could write another thousand words just about that. So I have a prediction that I’m hanging on to, because of what we’ve learned from the geoscope, and what kinds of clues were hung up in Last Holiday, and I’m super excited to either have my hunch confirmed or be frightfully and delightedly surprised. I mean, where the fuck did Jeremy Adams even come from? He’s like our own Mrs. Butters, showing up in the last quarter to run a couple game-changing balls into the end zone, it’s bonkers. I mean, I know writing mysteries is hard and requires still AND cunning, but damn, son.

But anyway, back to the geoscope… 

I’m perplexed, from a very “lit crit” perspective, but this is where I’m at and why I referenced blue curtains-- if you shine too bright a light on subtext, does it evaporate-- like looking through an interdimensional geoscope and not seeing anything-- or is “subtext” sometimes not some ephemeral fever-dream that we as viewers conjure up through our experiential interlocution with the text but something a writer has steeped into the narrative as part of their craft? Or when you’re talking about an evolving iteration of writers, is it possible that one picks up a thread that another wove in for something else, repurposing or amplifying it? And, when perhaps is something deliberately instilled in the text in order to become “text” at just the right time? In Moby Dick, [spoiler alert lol] Quequeg’s coffin-- formerly one of many symbolic vehicles used to foreshadow the doom of the Pequod-- is repurposed as a life buoy and becomes the actual object that saves Ishmael’s life, transforming it from a portent of disaster to a symbol of salvation and then to one of Ishmael’s guilt for surviving Ahab’s madness-- the guilt that had been made text by the very opening line of the book, “Call me Ishmael.” In retrospect, the connotations of wandering, exile and salvation behind the name that the narrator gives himself become crystal clear. The problem that the post-structuralist model of “reading” as simultaneously “creating the text” has manufactured is that the idea that “subtext” can often be discounted as something dreamed up wholecloth by the reader, and thus inferior, imaginary, even delusional (and I use that last word knowing what a loaded term that is in the spn fandom, but this is not about a ship, even) where once it was considered to be a valid and measurable part of the text itself, like that dang coffin. It was the basement, the underpinnings, the catacombs below the opera house sure, but it helped to hold up the structure. And for some reason, putting subtext into a piece of media has become passe, or cringe? Anyway, not to be bitter on main but it didn’t used to be this way, at least not in the heady early days of postmodernism. So that green light? Critical hit against blue curtains. And while yes, some readings are going to be better supported than others, and the wild variety of checklists in this fandom mean that some conclusions have been drawn which can’t pan out, if you’re paying attention to the structure, the subtexts, the alchemical/psychoanalytical/postmodern themata, the ending will be very satisfying. 

So. What was once speculated to be a symbol for emotional lows or turning points (among other things) in the bunker was textually hit with a bright green light, then Dean got curious about it in text, and we were told-- in text-- that oh it’s just a fancy spyglass, and now that the other worlds are gone, it has no purpose…. that’s what I mean about the geoscope now being “pure”-- it wasn’t clear whether the telescope ever had any function, subtetxtual or not, and now that it’s certain what it’s “function” was, it’s now freed up as a “symbol”-- unless like in Moby Dick it’s new “purpose” is revealed later, but right now it’s caught in this liminal place of not-quite-clue and not-quite-metaphor... 

However, and I didn’t put this in my first post because I was trying to be fast and not a wet blanket, but I felt like finally naming the geoscope was an ending. 

This is literally Singer, Dabb, and Co tidying up the house before locking it behind them.

I think when Dean said he didn’t see anything through the “telescope thing,” that we’re to understand that maybe this was the last hurrah of the cute, zany, campy “subtext” or even “metatext” if you’d rather that so many of us have been parsing and which has gotten so weird and bright since season 12/13. I think I said in one of the folklore posts that writing about some of the things I write about feels like making daisy chains in the endzone during the big game. Which is fun, that’s how I personally got through having to be in AYSO soccer for four years, by looking for four leafed clovers and eating orange quarters. And we got a wood nymph in this episode, textually even, so I could easily check the “folklore” box on this one. But the sheer euphoria of Last Holiday and all the sparkles it brought into the story aren’t meant to last. When you look back on fifteen years of text, a lot of it is bleak, miserable stuff. That’s not to say that episodes like Yellow Fever and Hunteri Heroici and Fan Fiction et al shouldn’t be celebrated. But I think from here on out, things are going to be less “golly gee, three birthdays!” and more “There she blows! --there she blows! A hump like a snowhill!”

This episode was a gift in many ways, not just for the sense of glee it transmitted-- it also did so much work and there are things I want to yell about in the way language was hit, the red versus green lighting, the way the backwards holidays worked, the projector as a metaphor for Mrs. B projecting her regrets and fears onto Jack, the amount of food that was created and consumed, how that smoothie was also an echo of “fairy food” or an underworld pact if you squint-- but the stakes are so high now. We haven’t been shown the next valley-- there was no final scene of Chuck rubbing his hands together like the villain from a melodrama, for example-- but the last image we got was Jack blowing out a candle. After the candle is blown out, the cake is dismantled and consumed. Once the story is over, all the themes that are so hard to grapple in a text like a television show can be gathered up and analyzed. (IS that all, though? After all, Dean made his own cake later, which, like, echoes of the “oh two cakes” comic lol...)

Since I really never want to leave anything I toss out on this blog on a last note of doom and gloom, however, I do want to say that I too understand what that last image meant. It meant, as Sam said, make a wish. Think of the future, think of free will, and hope for something wonderful to happen. (or do like me and wonder what the hell Jack wished for with dread and anticipation ha ha ha.)

[snowbellewells]

“Over the Realms and Through the Woods, to Arendelle We Go”

A @cssecretsanta2k19​ gift for @xhookswenchx​

“Over the Realms and Through the Woods, to Arendelle We Go”

By: @snowbellewells​

This is my belated @cssecretsanta2k19​ gift for @xhookswenchx​ ~ and I truly am sorry for making you wait extra days, Lovely. It was such a busy December, then I traveled home, had family engagements, and so on.  But talking with you and learning different things about the show and the holidays that you enjoyed, put this idea in my head early. I just needed the time to write it down.  I have very much enjoyed being your Secret Santa.  I hope that your Christmas was Merry, that you will have a Happy and Blessed New Year. Please enjoy this story gift just for you!

Summary: Emma and Killian take their crew on a holiday road trip to visit old friends and make new Christmas memories…   A CS canon divergent in which the realms have been joined as they were in Season 7’s finale, but Henry has not left the Land Without Magic as he did in Season 7.  I always imagined him going out into the non-magical world for college, to write books, and so on (at least once it became clear they weren’t all going to make a permanent move back to the Enchanted Forest).  So for the purposes of this fic, he is home for the holidays from college, and Emma and Killian also have two little ones of their own. I used the daughter of my fictional invention, Morgan Ruth Jones, rather than Hope.  She’s appeared in some of my other fics, and I’m kinda attached to her.  I’ve gathered you enjoy original CS kids in your writing and reading as well, so I hope you won’t mind that liberty taken. I know that Westley Graham is not as completely original as I thought it was when I dreamed it up, but I love it too (especially since the show gave us so many Liams to keep track of already without naming a son of Emma and Killian’s Liam David as I once would have done).  Westley for the character in “Princess Bride” (‘As you wish’ makes that seem appropriate) and Graham for the hero they should have been naming baby boys after in canon.  You also said you really enjoyed the “Frozen” characters in 4a, so I have tried to incorporate them - and found it to be a fun new character writing stretch.  I truly do hope you will find this fun to read!

*************

“Papa, how much longer?” a tiny voice piped up from the backseat over Killian and Emma Jones’ shoulders with the wheedling tone only a four-year-old’s impatience could muster. “Are we almost there?”

Emma glanced over at her husband with bland exasperation and humor mixed together before swiveling in her seat as much as possible to look back at their daughter Morgan where she sat in her car seat behind Killian, idly alternating between swinging her feet and singing little nonsense songs she made up for herself, staring out the window at the changing scenery as they traveled from one united realm to another, heading ever steadily north toward Arendelle to visit Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, and Morgan’s best friend Sonja, Princess Anna and her husband’s little girl.

Henry, comfortably on his long winter break from his senior year at Boudoin College, had his nose buried in a detective whodunit, and though he was usually quite patient with his much-younger sister, he seemed to be craving some reading time to himself that Emma was willing to humor. She would like to keep them both fairly quiet so that Westley Graham, their youngest at just barely five months, didn’t wake up quite yet from where he was peacefully sleeping in his own backward-facing car seat between his two siblings and where Emma could reach him if needed.

Killian, for his part, chuckled indulgently, his sparkling blue gaze sliding back over to return Emma’s look before answering his little girl, seeming infinitely patient and making Emma love him even more all over again “We are getting closer, little Love,” he assured calmly. “You’ve been very good - and we should be there within the hour now.”

For a moment, Morgan merely nodded and hummed to herself in satisfaction as she watched the scenery pass by out the window. Once they had left Storybrooke behind, the buildings had given way to the forest, thicker and more wild as they had passed through the land of Emma’s birthright rule - the Enchanted Forest. Since then, the forest had thinned out, and slowly the flatter land became foothills, which then turned into snow capped mountains - something which really did seem to almost sparkle before their eyes - not to mention the imaginative view of a toddler. But it wasn’t long before she piped up again, still obviously a bit impatient and unable to hold it in. “Papa? Can you sing a song? … Please?”

Emma snort-laughed at the way her husband’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, not expecting that particular request if his expression could be any indication. Shaking his head, he admitted defeat rather easily for a once-fearsome pirate of the Seven Seas, especially when she playfully jostled his shoulder, egging Morgan on and adding the she would like to hear him as well.

It wasn’t long before Killian’s clear, strong voice was ringing out within the walls of their newer smallish SUV, having left the Bug at home in favorite of more passenger leg room and space for the wealth of presents they were bringing along, both from their immediate family and her parents and other Storybrooke folks who had come to know the Arendellian visitors when they were in the Land Without Magic some years back. The tune her pirate had selected was a rollicking sea shanty - one of their daughter’s favorites - that he and his crew had once sung on the Jolly Roger many years ago as they circled the waters of Neverland endlessly. His song and its playful, raucous melody seemed practically bouncing around the interior of the vehicle, swaying with the rolling buoyancy of its rhythm and pulling Henry from his reading to grin at the song he had heard countless times before. Thankfully Westley didn’t seem in the least disturbed, sleeping right through the impromptu serenade, and Morgan was giggling and clapping her little hands along with her papa’s song. Emma soon found herself singing along as well, watching her family in their joyous uproar, and marveling at the reality that this was the sort of cozy Christmas journey she could have now.

Killian seemed so into his song, and his children’s entertainment, that Emma couldn’t help checking to be certain he was still paying attention to the road ahead. It hadn’t really been until the last couple of years that Killian had begun to take over some driving duties for them on longer trips; having learned to drive capably well before that, but never fully becoming comfortable with - or trusting - their “horseless death traps”, as he often called them. Modern automobiles still seemed smoky, loud, and entirely too unpredictable to a person long used to ships on the sea or riding horseback and in carriages - not to mention one whose first experience with them had been being run down on the road and seriously injured.

All the same, he shot her a look of exaggerated affront as he finished singing, waggling those wildly expressive eyebrows of his at her and pressing his hooked arm to his chest in further drama. “Honestly, Wife? Don’t you trust me more than that by now?” Taking his hook from where it covered his heart, he gestured out the window to indicate the lane beside them. “I may not be as old a hand at driving as most, but I won’t drive us under a semi trailer like that Griswold fellow on the magic box.”

It was Henry who snorted his laughter then, at the reference to National Lampoon’s which they had watched the night before, prior to setting off on their journey. Shaking his head at his stepdad’s odd way of reassuring him, and humored in spite of himself, Henry placed a marker in his book and more fully joined their antics, now that they were drawing nearer to their friend’s kingdom anyway. Danger and adventure, or just taking a family trip; be it Christmas or some random everyday in between, there was never a dull moment with their little crew.

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

When they entered the Arendelle borders and pulled up to the palace’s front gates, within 45 minutes’ time just as Killian had promised Morgan, the sense of awed anticipation settled over all of them, the air inside the car going quiet at the stunning beauty that met their eyes. Somewhere within the last half hour or so, light flurries of snow had begun to fall around them, looping and twirling through the slowly purpling sky as afternoon inched closer to evening. The ground had already been covered in a picturesque light dusting of white, but it was growing deeper as the additional fluffy flakes continued.

Thankfully, ice didn’t seem to be a part of this particular snowy scene; the roads had remained safely passable and they had made good time. Four uniformed guards two on either side of the wide, silvery sparkling arch and gates of the front entrance to the Queen’s castle and grounds, bowed respectfully as the passageway opened for them. Emma had spoken to her dear friend via magic mirror that morning before they set out, and their arrival had clearly been anticipated.

Despite having been there several times before by that point, all over them sat in openmouthed adoration that overcame them for a few breathless instants. The setting sun hit the gate and front of the castle, sending glitter and sparks of light out to dazzle their eyes. It was as if the whole structure were indeed beautifully coated in ice - and yet there was none of the frigid austerity one might once have feared. Queen Elsa of Arendelle has long since found her equilibrium, allowing her the self-acceptance and open understanding to balance the cold with genuine warmth. She learned to love every part of herself - including her powers - just as she had once helped Emma to do, and as Killian had reminded her ever since.

Their vehicle had barely parked, and they were just stepping out and stretching their tired limbs when they heard familiar voices calling their names, a childish squeal of delight yelping Morgan’s in particular, the sound of several pairs of feet hurrying over freshly fallen snow (well, feet and one set of reindeer hooves) and then they were engulfed in a flurry of hugs and handshakes by the royal family themselves. Anna was predictably firing questions at them as quickly as she could voice them, about their trips, the rest of their family, Belle and the library, without even allowing them time to answer. Kristoff was shaking Killian’s hand and accepting baggage and gift wrapped boxes to lead them inside. Sven snuffled around Henry’s pockets and Morgan’s hair seeking out carrots and other treats as well as providing his own animal greeting. But through the melee, Elsa pressed through to wrap Emma in a fiercely tight hug for several long moments. When she did pull back, it was with a watery smile and unshed tears in her eyes to match those which started in Emma’s.

“I’m so glad all of you have come,” she stated fervently, that sweet, melodious voice trembling with sincerity beyond its usual poise. “Come in, come in.  We’ll get you warm and settled, then we can get caught up.”

Emma nodded, pressing the queen’s hand tightly in her own, before turning to grab more luggage and unfasten Westley from his car seat to do as Elsa suggested.

“Let me help you,” her friend offered, holding out her arms to take the still-sleepy child so Emma could reach the suitcase behind. “May I?”

Emma didn’t hesitate for even a second, easily passing her just-barely-stirring-to-wakefulness infant into her friend’s arms, moving her hand gently so Elsa could cradle Westley’s head and crooning lowly to him until he settled again, rooting deeper into the young queen’s arms as a pleased and rosy smile pinked her cheeks.

Throwing a surreptitious glance over to Killian, only to find him watching her with a comforting smile that already knew where her mind had gone and wished he could undo the old hurt, Emma shook her head to clear the memory as best she could and send her husband a small grin as reassurance that she would be fine. As much as she had tried to banish the moment from her mind, and as much as the sharpest stinging slap of betrayal had faded, Emma still saw her own mother pulling little Neal away from her, protectively fearing her magic and not letting Emma hold her younger brother. Intellectually, Emma knew her mother loved her, magic or no, realized that the knee-jerk reaction had not been aimed to hurt her… and yet… it had.

Watching Elsa as various emotions flitted across her face while cradling her friend’s youngest in her arms, gazing down at the drowsy babe adoringly, Emma knew Elsa had felt that same fear and suspicion she had, and that perhaps Elsa had almost resignedly expected her request to be denied, knew that parental protectiveness all too well, and had been thrilled when she was granted trust instead.

Little Westley Graham did nothing more than flutter his eyelids briefly without fully rousing and gave a slight coo of contentment as the Queen bowed her head to press a light kiss to the top of his downy, sandy-colored hair. “Come on then everyone,” she suggested cheerfully, looking as merry and confident as they had ever seen her and leaving Emma blessedly assured of her friend’s happiness.  “There’s hot chocolate with plenty of marshmallows in the large sitting room.”

She led the way, with Killian, Henry, and Kristoff bringing up the rear to make sure no overexcited little girls, snowmen, or reindeer were left behind. It didn’t take long to find their luggage placed in their rooms, their coats and snow boots shucked off, and all of them seated comfortably scattered around the large open room full of soft chairs and sofas, a roaring fire in the hearth at one end, and plates of toast and jam, cookies, doughnuts, scones and a whole pot of rich hot chocolate with marshmallows set out for the taking.

Conversation hummed warmly throughout the room as the kids played; Henry showing Olaf, Sonja, and his little sister how to make a chain of snow angels for the tree while the four adults caught up on all that had happened since they were last together. Westley had woken up, but to everyone’s surprise, the little boy had not cried or fussed for his mother, and so Elsa still held him gladly. His guileless blue eyes, the mirrored hue of his pirate father’s, blinked up at her curiously, looked more enthralled that concerned by the less familiar person holding him. One pudgy little hand unclenched to reach up toward her almost startlingly white braid and wrapped around the end of it, tugging gently with his tiny fist, and burbling happily as he did.

Elsa practically giggled, a musical, enchanting sound that the rest of them had rarely heard, and a light carefree look graced her face beautifully. “You really are quite a sweetheart, aren’t you?” she whispered to the little one softly.

She did eventually hand Westley back to Emma when he began to wiggle and wanted to eat. Once Emma returned with him after his feeding, she found the Queen of Arendelle seated cross-legged on the floor with Morgan and her niece watching wide-eyed beside her as Elsa effortlessly shaped and reshaped whorls and twists of ice into glittering ornaments she handed them to place on a tree they had left bare for that very entertainment. The girls let out little ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of excitement and surprise with each shape that seemed to bloom from Elsa’s hands into thin air. Each new creation brough exclamations of delight, and the two children then ran to their papas at the tree to lift them up to place them high on the branches, then hurried back to see what ‘Auntie Elsa’ would create next.

As the decorating eventually wound down, the two little whirlwinds huffing and puffing from all their trips back and forth over the length of the room, and Elsa lightly chuckling at their theatrics, Killian came to sit near them as well, gathering Morgan into his lap and nodding encouraging at Sonja until she scooted up close to his side as well. Soon he was telling them a story of the first time he saw snow fall at sea as a young lad. He remembered how it looked trailing down to rest on nearly frozen arctic water, where their captain had unwisely taken them too far north for the season.

He was relating how his older brother Liam had distracted him by encouraging his wonder at the beauty of the sight. Killian himself had not realized until much later - a similar instance on his own ship facing the very real danger of ice floes in the water and the precarious travel a ship must make in the depths of winter driving the memory home - just how much danger they had been in that night as he had simply marveled at what seemed to his young mind cold falling stars of sparkling light. “He said each one was unique - no other could exactly take the place of the one before. Like people, Liam said they were…” Killian nearly whispered this last over the sudden lump in his throat, seemingly lost in another time and place. Emma reached out a hand to rest upon his knee, and he came back to them with a bit of a start, the faroff gaze clearing from his eyes.  “Like us even,” he added. “We might have been expendable slaves to most - but we mattered, at least to each other, and he always made sure I knew that.”

Both of their daughters had drifted off to sleep by then; the excitement of the day overtaking them once they had settled in to listen to Killian’s quiet, lilting voice. Kristoff came to lift Sonja from Killian’s side to carry her to her room, wishing the rest of them goodnight. Anna followed with a contented wave as Sven trailed behind, headed outside to his barn to bed down for the night.

Queen Elsa’s gaze remained on Killian, though the story had finished. There was a melancholy, almost wistful, look within her light eyes as she seemed to consider the story yet.  “He sounds like the best sort of big brother,” she finally said to Killian softly, and gentle and a bit sad smile curving her lips. “I wish I could have met him….” This last was said almost hesitantly, as if she herself did not quite know why it had slipped out, and yet she nodded determinedly after, as if confirming the sentiment.

“I wish you could have met him too, Milady,” Killian answered fervently, his voice a bit hoarse and husky with the regret and pain of still missing his elder sibling, even after ages had passed. “Maybe it’s just something about the way a younger sibling sees a beloved older one, but at times I can see  something of Liam in you.”

Elsa smiled once more, gratefully accepting what for Killian must be the highest compliment he could give someone. The three of them settled into a sort of peaceful remembrance of those no longer with them - bittersweet but not unpleasant, as they were reminiscing of good times and not just their loss - before she rose as well to retire for the night.

Her exit left Emma and Killian seated cozily before the fire together, one last mug of hot chocolate in each of their hands and the silent beauty of the room around them, still decked out for Christmas, and snow still falling outside, weaving a lovely spell.  Tilting her head up, Emma found Killian’s lips waiting to capture hers tenderly, sipping from them as if they were even more delicious than the chocolate and twice as precious. “I love you, my Darling,” he murmured against her cheek as his kisses trailed back to the spot behind her ear that made her melt on the spot. 

Practically keening back that she loved him too, Emma held her husband even tighter, wanting nothing else she could possibly imagine in that moment. As she gazed into Killian’s blue, blue eyes she could see the future of them, and their family, together, and she knew the coming year would be their best one yet.

Tagging: @cssecretsanta2k19​ @xhookswenchx​ @searchingwardrobes​ @kmomof4​ @jennjenn615​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @thisonesatellite​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @revanmeetra87​ @teamhook​ @hollyethecurious​@winterbaby89​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @hollyethecurious​ @gingerchangeling​ @spartanguard​ @lfh1226-linda​

[loyalflutist]

I’m Yours (F!Byleth x Edelgard) *R-18+

Challenge: Edeleth Twitter Week (09/29/2019 - 10/05/2019) Day 6: I’m Yours

A/N: I was busy on 10/04 the entire day, so the fictions are starting to be backed up by a day or two. Also, since I’m not sure why Tumblr is hiding my lemons... (I wrote one for Dorothea and there was an older one with Edeleth that somehow disappeared from the search results...) Hence, I’ll begin to tag them as “LEMON THE LEMONADE” rather than the usual tag. 

Also, beware of minor implications of nonconsensual activity and massive spoilers about Byleth’s origin and the following characters: Sothis, Rhea, Seteth, Flayn, Jeralt. 

---

People sometimes think the world revolves around them. A singular entity in a vast space that shines the brightest. It was their life, and it was their life alone. No one has any control over it. Not their family. Not their friends. Not their enemies. No one. Absolutely no one. They were who they were. No one can define their existence.

Yet fate is sometimes cruel. That singular entity— that person, can be manipulated and placed under a hold from their oppressors. Brutal methods were enforced to brainwash the individual. Terrorize them. Drag them down with metallic chains fit for wild beasts. Mouths muffled by hands tainted with their very own blood. Blindfolds concealing the truth from them. False beliefs instilled into them. Obedience a necessity to survive the next day. And when a savior appears, they are taken away just as quickly as they appear. Oh, how terrifying it must be to open up to their significant other! Everything can go south so quickly… as for Byleth Eisner.

‘ I don’t want to be used. ‘

A shudder ran down her spine amidst her violent trembles. The teal-haired can be spotted in her private quarter, seated on her royal mattress in her loungewear. Legs pulled close to her chest, Byleth’s fingers tangled with her locks, her nails digging into the sensitive scalp. The weak heart that finally came back to life thumped heavily upon her chest; its pounding reaching her eardrums. These symptoms were becoming more and more frequent as the days crawled by… She gritted her teeth and felt her respiration hastened.

‘ I’m scared. ‘

How out of character, one may ask! She stands strong in adversary with features relating her to the infamous nickname, “Ashen Demon.” She commands the armies and battalions with ease. She commends those with their valiant efforts. She becomes a sly fox when teasing her alumni. She pridefully married an emperor of the Adrestian Empire. Hark, is this the Byleth everyone has come to respect and love?

The aftermath of the war was over, but the physical and emotional scars remain. Upon learning the truth about her origin from Rhea, Seteth, Flayn, and Jeralt, she wanted nothing more than to crawl under a hole and stay put. A rush of emotions that she had been bottling up over the years was becoming to rear its head from the corner— That wasn’t right… It came crashing into her fragile mental state like a tsunami. War had kept her emotions in check, but now that the main conflict was finally over with the staggering defeat of Rhea, nothing was keeping them back. Accompanied by poor coping mechanisms, it was inevitable PTSD would terrorize the ex-mercenary every night.

“I’m sorry to leave you behind like this, Byleth...”

No…

“We’re like family!”

No…!

“It is my duty to protect you.”

No!

“Mother, you have returned.”

“NO!!!”

“Byleth?!”

“?!”

She instinctively lashed out to the speaker with her hand. It stopped mid-air by a powerful grip. Dread overwhelmed the older woman as she tugged away from its captor. A couple of attempts failed, their hold was overpowering. Fear clenched her throat and choked her as whimpers trickled out. Why can’t she get away?! Through her blurred vision in the dark room, she began to cry; tears flowed down her cheeks like a waterfall.

The figure holding her was none other than Rhea. She had that holy smile, that holy aura, and that holy title glued to her physical existence. Yet the maiden stared directly into her shivering soul. Those same loving eyes that she once possessed similarities to. The one that she could easily call her “daughter.” Byleth quivered as she used her other hand to weakly push away from the female.

“Don’t call me Mother!”

“BYLETH!”

Rhea instantly disappeared in a blink of an eye. At that same moment, warmth immediately enveloped her entire body and blackened her sight. It was like a protective bubble… a blanket that someone had draped over her physical and spiritual body. Scarlet carnation’s aroma fluttered to her nose from the person’s bosoms. Their arms tightened its hold on the professor as said-person whispered,

“Byleth, it’s me.”

Now it wasn’t the voice of Rhea that vibrated her eardrums. It was the voice of her wife; Edelgard von Hresvelg had pulled her into a firm embrace.

Acknowledging her presence froze Byleth in place. She tried to peel away from her chest only to find it a futile try, the emperor resting a hand on the back of her head. The professor deeply inhaled her scent. Then, she exhaled her shaky hot breaths into Edelgard. This was embarrassing. Her meltdowns were meant for private eyes only, and those private eyes belong to herself. The fact that her wife just witnessed her disastrous distress might color her in a different light. She is her professor, she is older than her, and she has more experience in life than the white-haired. She wasn’t supposed to act this way.

“Byleth…”

“…”

Silence ensued afterward. Not a peep came out of Byleth’s mouth. The noble softly exhaled and pressed her lips upon her wife’s head. Fingers eventually ran through the teal hair, her nails gently scratching Byleth’s scalp. Small bursts of euphoria washed over her scrambled mind from Edelgard’s heavenly motions; drowsiness nearly making its way forward. Byleth adjusted the position of her head as a melancholic tune filled the quiet atmosphere.

“The footsteps of the lost child cease to be heard

Replaced only by that song of prayer

The song soon becomes that burning lamp

Guiding on that wandering traveler…”

It was rare to hear Edelgard sing. Whenever she participated in the fine arts, she would never dare express her interest with them to the public. Not even to her own wife out of embarrassment. However, tonight was an exception. The sorrow that dripped from the lyrics, yet there was a sense of consolation from those words showered to the listener.

Footsteps from the lost child…

That would be Edelgard.

Replaced only by a song of prayer…

That would be Edelgard.

The song that soon becomes a burning lamp…

That would be Edelgard.

Guiding on the wandering traveler…

That would be Byleth.

The two shifted their posture so Edelgard would easily hug Byleth on the bed. They laid down with Byleth holding onto her wife for dear life. Their legs tangled and a blanket providing additional warmth to the solemn night. Peering through the windows was the moonlight basking their resting figures. Despite the height difference, it appears Edelgard was the tall one in the relationship at this moment. She continued to scratch her wife’s head as she sang.

“If you feel afraid, just shout it all out loud

And you will know that I am right by your side

Holding you close with this trembling body of mine

To let you know that you are not alone

It’s alright if we can’t smile like before

For one day we will reach that place for you and me, that place… for you… and me.”

“…you should sing more often,” Byleth mumbled into her lover’s chest. She nuzzled into Edelgard and added, “But I think you should sing something happier.”

“Happier? You must be feeling better if you’re able to suggest something to me.”

“…”

Edelgard had to stifle her chuckle when the older woman reburied her face into her bosoms.

Oh, how the role has been reversed. She remembered the nightmares that had plagued her when she was a student. Numerous visions and hallucinations of her deceased siblings and classmates came to visit her from their grave. Their cold hands pulled her into the darkest abyss. She eventually finds herself strapped onto the wooden chair, the scalpels and needles jabbed into her exposed flesh from multiple non-consensual surgeries. Flaming aches throbbed from her hidden scars. They were unbearable to sleep through. It was always a surprise to Edelgard whenever she was able to function like a fully conscious person during her time as a student and as an emperor. Perhaps it was due to Byleth’s presence.

Byleth had always showered her with more love than she had expected. She would always sneak away from her own dormitory to sleep with her girlfriend. This was not merely an act of romanticism. This was an act to retain Edelgard’s sanity. This was furthered emphasized when Byleth went missing for five years. Nightmares that were shooed away had returned to haunt her. Lysithea and Caspar were unable to kick them to the curb despite their best efforts. Not even Hubert was able to quell those internal demons. She needed Byleth so badly. Byleth is her anchor. Without an anchor, the ship would float mindlessly from its path.

The emperor kissed the top of her head again. Now it was her turn to care for Byleth.

“Can you tell me… how long you’ve been having these breakdowns?”

“…”

“Are you scared of telling me?”

A hesitant nod. Then, Byleth rose until their face was on an equal level. The moonlight shone over their features, and the professor’s were mixed with fear and shame. Edelgard instantly brought her hand up to cup one side of her face. Her thumb rubbed among the cheekbone as she said,

“Don’t be afraid. Whatever you tell me, I won’t judge you.”

“…promise?”

“I promise.”

She deeply breathed.

“I’ve had them since the war ended. It first started when I was in the infirmary, recovering from my wounds.” Byleth’s lips firmed into a thin line. “I… I remember the way they looked at me.”

“They?”

“Lady Rhea… Flayn… and Seteth.”

Those names… How long has it been since Edelgard last heard of them? Though Flayn and Seteth had escaped from the war, Rhea was long gone. Still, those three played an important part in Byleth’s life. She knew that for sure. Their importance wasn’t subtle anymore the moment Byleth had merged with Sothis in order to combat their adversities. All three of those individuals began to bow down to the professor as if she were a holy being. Their words were articulated with precision in hopes of proving their devotion to her. It was as if Byleth Eisner was the goddess; her humanity long gone after the fusion. Edelgard always found it baffling. Byleth is Byleth. There is nothing different about her, save it for her insane strength growth. Just what made them so keen with her girlfriend?

“They used me.”

Indeed, they did. That was for certain. Sweet nectar stained their statement the moment Jeralt and Byleth stepped foot into Garreg Mach. Soldiers from the monastery were oblivious and blind to the manipulative threads that dangled overhead. Everyone was dancing to the beat of the Church and Those Who Slither in the Dark. The worst one of them all had to be Byleth, an outsider with little knowledge of politics, who was forced to join the mass. Not even Jeralt could save his daughter from their hands.

“I’ve killed so many innocent lives…”

But that was not her fault. She was simply following orders from Rhea during their time at the monastery. The same fault could lie upon her students too. They were the ones who delivered the final blow to every mortal foe that stand against the Church of Seiros. Villagers from various parts of Fodlan begged for forgiveness as Byleth slaughtered every one of them. Their crimes? Abstaining in the religious teachings of the Goddess Seiros. Regret gnawed at the ex-mercenary each time she received praised from Rhea and Seteth.

“Lady Rhea told me I’m her Mother…!” Byleth curled her fingers inward, unintentionally digging her nails into Edelgard’s back. The young lord bit back a yelp as her wife blubbered, “Can you believe that? I’m her Mother! She told me it was destiny— It was my fate that she be my daughter!”

She began to shed another round of tears and bit the bottom of her lip. Memories began to seep into her mind once more as she confessed her terrors. A child of a mother born of the progenitor god’s Crest Stone and a father who carried Rhea’s blood… She was literally related to Rhea, Seteth, and Flayn. She tried to reject the notion. She objected against Rhea of the ridiculous blood connection they had. She fought against the idea that Rhea is her daughter.

Obsession was something Rhea had to cope with her mourning. The lingering desire for a love Rhea desperately seeks for after the death of her mother extended out towards Byleth. Wet sensation overwhelmed her body, the revolting shudders that pulsed throughout her figure, the fingers that dared made her sing broken melodies unfit for the apparent goddess squeezed nausea into Byleth. It was all in the name of forcing the projected image and mentality into her. It was all there to say that Byleth was hers.

“She did so many things to me, I—I don’t know anymore!”

Disgusting.

“She told me I was hers! I was hers alone!”

Absolutely revolting.

“Byleth—”

“El,” Byleth sharply inhaled and eased her bruising hold. The abrupt pacification was alarming. Though her tears were now long gone, her intonation was grave. “I don’t want to be used by her. I’m not her Mother… and I don’t want to be used by anybody anymore… I’m scared of losing myself.”

“Rhea is long gone.” Edelgard kissed her weeping wife’s forehead. “No one will use you ever again. If anyone does, I’ll cut them out before they can do anything to you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

From Edelgard’s perspective, it was heartbreaking to hear all of this from her professor. She had known about it. She didn’t know the extent of the details, but she knew these experiences were bad. What she did not gauge was how BAD Byleth had it during her time at the monastery. The façade was well-kempt and hid her inner turmoil well. Whenever the topic was brought up, Byleth would brush it aside with an “another time” excuse. When they did have the scarce time to become lethargic, Edelgard would always forget or hold back on the matter, the fear of ruining the positive energy that surrounds their dates.

It was her fault for having it reach to this level. Everyone has the possibility of hiding something behind their smiles. It just so happens that Byleth was one of them. If only she had noticed it earlier… If only she had suspected it sooner… All these times they spent together, Byleth was afraid to succumb to the lowest point of her emotional health before her wife. Edelgard may have recovered and rightfully moved on from her past after a year from the war… but that was not the same for Byleth. Edelgard lowered her hands to her sides.

“I’m sorry it got so bad for you, my teacher… I won’t ever let it happen again.”

“��it’s not your fault.”

“But it is.”

The blanket began to move in place as the Adrestian Empire’s emperor shifted her position. She eventually sat upright and straddled the older female; both of her hands pressed upon Byleth’s abdomen. From all the times they’ve spent together, Byleth knew where this was going. This kicked up the temperature within her head and caused her heart to beat faster— and for a different reason too.

“Please, let me make it up to you.”

“You… don’t have to.”

“I do. The fact that the archbishop dares call you hers infuriates— doesn’t sit right with me. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. Besides…” she cupped her chin and hummed. “I heard that sex is a good way to increase one’s mood.”

“?!”

So, it really was going down that route. It had been some time since they’ve last conducted this passionate activity. After all, they were both important individuals leading the united Fodlan and the Adrestian Empire. One acts as a war hero, and one acts as an emperor. Both always ran about their businesses. Various occasions forced them apart from each other. Whenever they had time to spend, they were either too tired or weren’t in the mood. They might as well diagnose themselves with TBD, also known as the “Too Busy Disorder”!

Edelgard blinked a couple of times when Byleth appears thunderstruck.

“…why are you giving me that bizarre look?”

“I’m confused. Who told you that?”

“Dorothea.”

“…”

“Byleth?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…I’m going to kill Dorothea when she returns from Brigid.”

“Please don’t.”

Imaginary fumes puffed out of the noble’s head as beads of sweat flew out of the professor. It was followed up with chuckles and giggles from the pair. The heavy atmosphere that hung over their shoulders began to lighten up. That was the first step towards recovery. Postures still the same, Byleth reached up to pat her wife’s arm. Red discoloration continued to thrive on her cheeks as she murmured,

“I’m yours.”

It may have been soft, but low and urgent. Edelgard felt her core tightened from the intonation. She leaned down and kissed her spouse’s lips. It was brief and simple; an act of consensual agreement for the upcoming event.

“Very well. I’ll make sure to chase your fears away.”

The white-haired fumbled to strip Byleth’s dark shirt. It was a slow and excruciating process as the tactician would lift her upper body every now and then to rid of the attire. Shirt tossed to the side, Byleth urged Edelgard to do the same.

“It would be unfair if it’s just me.”

“Are you sure you aren’t saying that just to see me naked?”

“There’s… that too.”

How bold of Byleth! Then again, wasn’t she always this bold? She had always teased her students of silly remarks. When it came to Edelgard, those teasing were more in line of flirting and outright full of suggestive innuendos.

No— it might have been more so with her underlying desire to indulge in her beautiful wife’s figure. Scars and sutures did not matter to Byleth. She loved Edelgard no matter what she looks like; her love for the lord transcends beyond physical affections and wants. Edelgard heeded to her words and took off her tanktop. It was thrown to the floor without a second thought.

Now, the two bore themselves half-naked to each other. As they were wearing their sleeping attires, there was one less hassle with regards to their bras.

“Breathtaking…” Edelgard commented, her hands sliding up to Byleth’s peaks. “I will never understand how I can make mine as big as yours.”

“Don’t say that. Yours has a charm of its own.”

“Maybe if I drink more milk…”

“El.”

Byleth pulled the young woman down with a single tug on her arms. Their lips crashed together. The way they kissed contrasted greatly from their previous one. Their tongues danced with one another as Byleth held the back of Edelgard’s head. Edelgard whimpered into her mouth the instant Byleth began to sweetly suck on her tongue.

“Mmm…”

In retaliation, when they parted for oxygen, Edelgard leaned forward to litter suckles and kisses onto the woman’s neck. She pushed her hips into Byleth, their neither region softly pulsating from the friction. A quiet groan slipped out of her wife’s mouth. That tickled Edelgard’s raw instincts as she retracted from the abdomen. Then, she pressed against it again. Not too gentle to be considered an annoyance, but not too harsh to elicit a full-blown euphoric trip. Just enough to justify the occasional moans from the older woman. The back and forth motion continued as Edelgard tenderly sucked and nibbled on Byleth’s smooth neck.

“Hah— Y-You’re… good at this as always— Hah…”

She closed her eyes and basked herself in the feeling of Edelgard’s hot mouth. To gain further access, Edelgard pressed her thumbs unto Byleth’s jaw, lifting it up so she could continue to explore the new premise. Byleth shivered from her profound action. The grinding against their private regions wasn’t helping either. She would softly gasp whenever pressure was applied to the soft nub. That turned on Edelgard and encouraged the continuation of her ministrations.

“I’ve learned it— Nngh… from the best teacher.”

“And w-who… who would that be?”

She concluded the hickey spree with one last smooch and raised her head. Sweat began to formulate on their forehead from the ensuing assault as Edelgard smiled. Though she did not offer an answer in return, the teasing question had a predictable response. They knew all too well who it was. In lieu of the lack of verbiage, Edelgard slowed her hips. Byleth had to resist the whine that nearly slipped from her throat.

The white-haired could tell she was frustrated. This was mildly amusing for the noble. How the mighty hero of Fodlan yearns for touches to satisfy her sexual hunger! And Edelgard would be the only person to ever deliver the salivating content to her front door. They exchanged another fleeting kiss, though more so to ease the impatient teacher.

“You’re so cute.”

Their roles were completely reversed in this case. Normally, those were the words whispered into the alumni’s ears while the professor’s fingers were buried deep into Edelgard’s flower. They would thrust in and out of the moist region. Heartful cries were proclaimed to the whole world as the bed creaked and rocked. Tonight, it was different; it was Edegard’s turn to make her wife tremble under her magical spells.

Edelgard proceeded to straighten her back and conduct adjustments to her straddling. Both her hands were kept busy by roaming Byleth’s bare figure. Pleasure zipped like electrical currents through the teal-haired thanks to the sensitive touches of her wife’s fingertips. They brushed, smoothed, and tapped on the elongated scars. Compared to Edelgard, they were not as numerous. Yet they were more haphazard and susceptible to touch.

She traced Byleth’s side.

This blotched scar came from a bandit’s brass knuckles. It derived from protecting Bernadetta. His vicious fist dug so hard into the ex-mercenary’s side, it managed to shatter a small portion of her ribcage. Crimson substances leaked from the corner of her mouth as Dedue and Felix avenged their fallen instructor. A miracle must have been in place to survive the aftermath. Had it not been for Linhardt’s and Marianne’s healing specialties, she would have been long gone.

She traced Byleth’s stomach.

This horizontal scar came from Dimitri. His dagger jammed into the teacher’s already-bruised tissue, breaking through the epidermis and slamming the hilt against it. Tears streamed down his face as he tore through her muscles. Blood splattered among the dirt road with a single flick of his wrist. Hubert and Ferdinand had tag-teamed to exterminate the dangerous noble. This time, Lysithea and Mercedes used plenty of white magic to keep their professor from walking over to the afterlife.

She traced Byleth’s chest.

This burnt scar came from Rhea. It was during the first revolt against the Church of Seiros at Garreg Mach. The archbishop conducted electricity through her open palm. Its incredible voltage charge nearly destroyed the Crest of Flames that kept the tactician conscious after stillbirth. Edelgard and Sylvain went in a frenzied state when the archbishop knocked Byleth into the abyss with another strike of her potent spell. Sothis was likely the one who assisted in the healing process during the five-year coma Byleth succumbed to. Without the female, Byleth would have never woken up from the rubble.

Each of these scars told terrifying tales. Close encounters with deaths were all too common for the students and teachers at the monastery, and their odds increased drastically after the war’s initiation. Edelgard’s scars mostly consist of her surgical implantations, but none ever met drastic battle scars like Byleth; the most she ever had were nicks and small lacerations from arrows and lances. (The army would never let harm fall upon their emperor!) She shook her head and settled her hands onto Byleth’s breasts.

Edelgard’s thumbs glossed over the brown nub, her fingers started to work on the mounds. A gentle squeeze emitted a burst of air from Byleth. She gazed downward and saw the woman furiously blushing from the said-action. The professor raised an arm up to conceal her lower facial features, her navy hues silently staring at her wife. Another squeeze caused a muffle this time. Then, she massaged the pair at a consistent pace. Every now and then, she would pinch the nipples between her thumb and index finger. A pinch would elicit a stronger reaction from the 26-year-old.

“Nngh— Y-You’re getting rough— Hah!”

“You think that’s rough?”

That remark was eventually joined by the returning gyrate of Edelgard’s hips. Byleth’s arm retracted as an uncontrollable moan erupted. A combination of the two activities were driving her insane!

“Hah..! Can you— Can you let me— Haah! Let me take off my pant! P-Please!”

Edelgard nearly laughed. Now her professor was begging for more? This never gets old. She adheres to her request and removed her hands. Another pause took place as they transitioned to the next phase. The blanket over her shoulders threatened to slip off as she yanked on their casual pants. After pulling it off, she tossed it carelessly aside like the other attires. Now it was time to move onto the main course. Edelgard’s predatory eyes darkened. She can’t wait to get her mouth all over Byleth and drive her to the edge of the cliff.

Previous sessions normally had Byleth lead the intercourse. This time, Edelgard took control. It had been so long since she acted as a ruler in their sex life. Another kiss was in a tall order for her lover. Hot bated breaths puffed at their faces upon departure. Edelgard flushed her body with Byleth, the blanket shifted to move alongside with the royal, and planted kisses over every inch of her wife’s alluring body.

“Hah…”

She licked the brown nub.

“Hah—!”

She swirled her tongue around the nub.

“Ha—AAH!”

She bit the nub.

“NNGH—AH!”

She used her teeth to rub the nub.

Byleth’s outcries were escalating in volume. It would be to no one’s surprise if they would earn a few dubious and flustered expression from fellow allies and soldiers. (The worst one of them all would be Hubert. He would hunt after Byleth and skewer her if he could!) But she didn’t care, and she’s certain her wife didn’t care either. Her licks, bites, and roaming hands continued almost as if she were making up the days they hadn’t showered in love. She would occasionally kiss as if to replace the traumatic events with their blissful memories. All in the name of making Byleth forget about those individuals… even if it is a temporary solution.

Edelgard lifted her mouth from Byleth’s breast.

“I’m going to move down,” she said. “Can I?”

“Why are you asking me that?” came a hoarse whisper. “You already know the answer.”

“Just making sure, my teacher. Can’t forget about consent, can we?”

The teal-haired would have playfully knocked on the female’s shoulder had they not been in the middle of having sex. Edelgard was always the careful one in the relationship.

“A-Ah…”

It felt good. Way too good. Byleth’s consciousness was starting to float into Cloud Nine as Edelgard made her way slowly down the writhing body. Pauses were made to plant fluttering kisses and strokes on the curves of Byleth’s belly, her hipbones, and silken skin on the inside of her thighs. Whatever negativity that strangled the professor had dissipated completely. Her body was engulfed in a fiery need of quenching as her walls were slick with arousal. Now all she could focus on was the pleasure.

“AH?!”

She unconsciously pressed her hips into Edelgard’s first stroke of her tongue. Byleth knew Edelgard was eventually going to descend to her neither region, but it had been so long since she had someone relieve her of the pent-up tension through oral means.

“Nngh—!”

God, it felt so GOOD. The strokes from her tongue were slow and steady, yet it managed to drag out the best sensation. Up and down her tongue went, Edelgard tasted as much as she could from the blossoming pink region. Byleth groaned and shuddered when her spouse tried to keep her thighs apart.

“A-AH! E-El—!!”

Byleth bucked from the powerful sensation. Her clitoris— Her clitoris! Edelgard became drunk from its scent as her mouth worked wonders upon the sensitive head and greedy lips. Had it not been for Edelgard’s strong arms keeping her hips down, she would have tossed the other female out of the mattress by accident! A faint grunt came from the busy white-haired. Enough blood had pooled into Byleth’s abdomen to cause a feminine erection of the pink nub.

“I’m not holding back.”

“Hnngh?!”

An index finger greeted the entranceway in the midst of her lavishing. First, its fingertip lightly brushed upon its surface. Vertical strokes croaked immodest sounds from the older woman. Eventually, the lord dug not one, but two fingers into the wet region.

“D-Deep!”

That was the remark after Edelgard wiggled the two body parts into her body. It was a foreign sensation for Byleth since someone other than herself is feeling the inner walls. They naturally clenched around the slender fingers. Its squeeze and release intervals were synched with her core’s reactions. Byleth’s hands immediately flung to the bedsheets. She trembled when Edelgard curled her fingers.

“AH! That— Hnngh!”

Words were discombobulated; sentence structures fractured. The state of her verbal speech was similar to the state of her mind. They were clearly in another plane of existence. Byleth lifted her head as her hips moved on its own.

SLICK, SLICK, SLICK

The sound effects were not helping. In this dead night, the steamy room amplified the wet motion coming from Edelgard’s fingers. Paired with their fast, hot breaths, bliss clouded their mentality and overwhelmed their hearing.

“S—So good— Haaaah!”

Byleth wasn’t the only one to be pleasured. Edelgard felt herself become wet; wanton desires starting to override her sense of self. Unlike Byleth, she had close to zero self-restraint when it came to achieving the climactic finale.

Thank goodness multi-tasking was her forte. A quick prayer to a godless entity sprung forth as she removed her remaining hand on Byleth’s thigh. It went down to her dripping nether region. She grimaced in Byleth’s hypersensitive labia, her fingers making quick work of her own clitoris. If there’s something she wanted to do, it was to be shoved off the edge alongside with her teacher.

“Nngh...!”

“E-El!”

A glance at her spouse drastically sky-rocketed the pleasure by tenfold. Byleth squeezed her eyes shut and found it impossible to remove the burnt image of Edelgard masturbating during their hot intercourse.

“I— Something… it’s coming— AH!”

The way the teal-haired’s face twisted… her looks were becoming desperate as Edelgard relentless tortured her with the thrust of her fingers and flick of her tongue on the clit. She was occupied with three matters at once, but Edelgard had always kept her lilac hues pointed at her significant other. There was so much to take in. She had to record them and burn them to memory. The amount of beauty that glistened from her wife… A dictionary would not be able to fully convey the radiant perfection of a being that is called “Byleth.”

Another groan burst from Edelgard, her fingers rushing to the finish line. The intensity was burning into her core and gathered enough aroused energy to strongly throb her rubbed nub.

“El… EL!”

“Byleth—!”

She was close, and so was Byleth. In an effort, to reach the mountain’s peak, Edelgard pulled back her fingers. They were pulled enough just enough to leave the remaining tips inside of the pulsating walls. A few rough rubs on the outer flesh were made. Then, she slammed it right back inside, curving at the most sensitive and erogenous area of the vagina: the G-spot. This was immediately followed up with her lips closing around the clitoris and sucking hard on it.

“A-AH—!!!”

“!!!”

Byleth’s muscles began to jerk, her figure stiffened, and her knuckles white as a huge explosion implored upon her body. As for Edelgard, she felt her body quiver from a sudden flow of euphoria throughout her figure. She retracted from her own area. Yet it wasn’t over for her teacher. She made sure to drag out Byleth’s climatic experience for as long as humanly possible, her tongue taking in the fluids, licking the moist premise, and swiftly rocking her curved fingers in and out.

“W—Why is it—! No— It’s coming again— NNNNGH!”

Right when she came down from her high, her professor bounced right back up to another orgasm. Though it was not as powerful as the first one, it still sent her spiraling upward to the clouds once more, pleasure rippling through her body until it faded into nothingness.

Their figures finally plopped back down on the mattress. A whimper came from Byleth’s direction once Edelgard removed her soaked fingers. All forms of heat excluding her spouse’s body evaporated instantly; the drug they undertook began to wear off. Now, they were basked with pleasant aftermath. Eyelids half-closed and head fuzzy, Byleth arms were extended outward on the bed to stare at the noble.

Edelgard crawled up as the blanket (with great wonder) continued to cling onto her shoulders. Upper body raised in a cobra position, not long afterward, she inserted the wet fingers into her mouth. Byleth’s eyes widened at the sight.

“T-That’s dirty!”

“Not if it’s from you,” she smirked. “You’re always a dessert I never tire from.”

“…”

Geez, when did Edelgard learn how to talk like that? Did she learn it from Dorothea…? No, it had to be Sylvain, right? No… that can’t be it… Just who and/or where did she learn that from? (Silly Byleth, it was from you!) The professor’s features became bright red, an embarrassed chuckle heard.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything, my dear teacher.” She leaned down to tenderly kiss Byleth. Strands of her white locks fell upon Byleth’s rising chest as she proclaimed, “I will always be yours, and I won’t let anyone ever take that away.”

“El…”

That’s right… Though her PTSD is not easy to overcome, she must remember that she has Edelgard von Hresvelg. The woman whom she first protected, the woman whom she first taught, the woman whom she opened up to, the woman who became her wife. Past trauma may be ebbed into her history book, but the future can be built on top of them.

Their fingers intertwined. Then, Byleth closed her eyes and beamed.

“I will always be yours too.”

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 24: Bold Bonding Between Brothers

New entry of the “Aspects & Fanfics”, the first one of the year 2020. I hope you enjoy it, and also the new ship that is gonna be featured from now one, starting from the end card in this episode. New year, new ship. I’m not going to say much more and leave you with the story, which as the title suggests will be focused in the relationship between Roman and Remus. I don’t think there’s any need for any kind of label. It’s the normal relation between two brothers that sometimes they love each other and sometimes they hate each other, sometimes both at the same time. The normal siblings relationship, that is.

As usual, if you want to read previous entries of the story, as well as seeing past posts from this vlog, you can find them right here. And I hope you enjoy it. Until next time.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas is entering a literary contest where they ask for scripts for a feature film. The winner will get his script made by a legendary director. The problem is that the asked genre is horror, and Roman is not an expert on the matter, which will make him call Remus for help. But will they be able to work together or will the differences and Remus’ fear make it all blow away?

WARNINGS: Horror is mentioned throughout the story, including some disturbing scenes mentioned by Remus. Romantic Prinxiety is featured as usual but (spoilers) also romantic Logicality will make an entrance in the end card.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas is in front of the camera with his New Year hat on and a cup of champagne on his hand]

THOMAS: [singing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”]

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and old lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne…

[yelling with a wide smile, rising his cup] Happy new year! [he suddenly goes serious as if he was listening to someone] Wait, what do you mean we’re already way into the New Year? [smiling bashfully] Wow… Some parties really go wild, don’t they? [a little concerned] But it’s still 2020, right…? And what are you still doing in my house? The party’s over now! Get out! Shoo, shoo!

[intro sequence]

THOMAS: What is up, everybody!? You see, this morning a friend of mine told me about something that could be fun. It is a contest, a script-writing contest. The winner gets to have his script filmed by prestigious director Steven Spielstokes, director of “Indiana Picani and the Last Cartoon Therapy”! It is a unique opportunity!

ROMAN: [rising up, excited] It is, Thomas! I can’t wait to start on this project!

THOMAS: Right!? I’m pumped up!

ROMAN: Me too! This is the chance you’ve been waiting for! You’ll be able to join the elite of so many prestigious scriptwriters that preceded you. And the Oscar awaits you, Thomas, all shiny and golden and…

LOGAN: [rising up] We get it, Roman. There’s no need to exaggerate. Besides, don’t put your hopes too high before time is due. There will surely be thousands of contestants trying their luck and many of them will be as talented as Thomas or more. We can be the winners, but we must be ready to accept defeat if it comes.

ROMAN: Ugh… here comes professor Wet Necktie, always spoiling the fun…

THOMAS: Roman, nicknames…

ROMAN: Sorry, Logan. And getting back into the stuff that really matters in this conversation, what are the rules? I need to know the limitations I shall have to place into my work, to start planning and all that stuff…

THOMAS: Um, yes… I read them just a couple of minutes ago. It has to be a script of a feature length, between 60 and 80 minutes, written in standard script format, and the topic is…

ROMAN: Romance? Fantasy? Musical? Adventures?

THOMAS: …horror.

ROMAN: [suddenly serious] What? Horror!? [looking at Logan] Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself, Logan. You jinxed it all with your talking about accepting defeat. I know nothing about the horror genre! That’s not my department!

THOMAS: I was afraid of that, never better said. I never made any true horror story, so I didn’t know how well you could perform in this genre. So, I let the contest slide, right?

ROMAN: No, no yet, Thomas. There’s always a first time for everything. If I have to write… [face of disgust] horror, then horror it will be. [smirks] Besides, I’ve got an ace under my sleeve, the best consultant I could ever ask for: my husband.

LOGAN: That’s absurd, Roman, Virgil doesn’t fit into your sleeve.

ROMAN: [singsongy voice] Virg-i-i-i-l!

VIRGIL: [rises up] Please, would you mind not calling me like that again? It makes me feel like a dog called by his owner.

ROMAN: That’s why I call you like that, my cute little puppy!

VIRGIL: And don’t call me like that, please… not in front of the others, at least.

THOMAS: I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear that.

LOGAN: Agreed…

VIRGIL: So what do you want, Roman?

ROMAN: I’m glad that you ask, Virge. I need your help. I have to write a horror story and…

VIRGIL: You do understand that, even if I look like a creepy dark emo, creativity, creepy or otherwise, is not my department, right Ro?

THOMAS: [low voice] …Ro?

VIRGIL: I’d love to be able to help you, but other than with brief inspirations based on Thomas’ real anxious experiences, there’s not much I can do for you. And you don’t want me to make Thomas go through a hell of anxiety to give you story ideas, right?

ROMAN: Well…

THOMAS: [firm voice] No, Roman, you don’t!

ROMAN: [sighs] Fine… Then I don’t know what to do.

VIRGIL: Well, you could ask another Side for help. Another Side that could be really well versed on the matter.

[as he names each one of them, the Sides rise up one by one, not knowing how they got there as if summoned against their will]

ROMAN: Well, Patton wouldn’t be of help. Last time I read him Little Red Riding Hood he got so scared he slept for two weeks with a bottle of purgative in his pajama pocket to use it if some Big Bad Wolf swallowed him while he slumbered, to make him throw up. Deceit… I don’t know. He has trouble remembering lines. He’d forget everything he’s given me and it would be a really incoherent story. Honesty… he is out of the question. He’s too attached to reality to create a work of fiction. He couldn’t even make a single change to his room from the real living room. How could he create a simple story? Logan… he would be great for a horror poem, but people don’t speak in verses unless it is a period stage show. This is a script where characters are not supposed to speak in rhymes, I don’t think he could be good on that either.

LOGAN: I’m here, listening to you belittling me, in case you didn’t notice.

PATTON: What is going on here, kiddos?

LOGAN: Thomas has to write a horror story and Roman’s considering his options for assistance.

PATTON: [unsettled] Ho… horror? What am I doing here, then? I don’t like horror stories.

ROMAN: [to Virgil] See?

HONESTY: It’s okay, Patton, it’s fiction. It’s not real and it can’t hurt you.

DECEIT: [creepy voice] Unless…

[Patton gets scared and Honesty goes to comfort him]

HONESTY: Dee, stop pestering the child!

DECEIT: Sorry, Patton, I was kidding… unless…

[Honesty looks at Deceit with a murderous glance as Patton whines on Honesty’s shoulder and grabs him, terribly scared]

ROMAN: You see how my judgments on each Side were on point? So, as I was saying, I don’t know what Side you really mean, Virgil.

VIRGIL: [beat] You’ve left out the Side I really meant on purpose, right?

ROMAN: [sighs] Yes.

DECEIT: But why? He’s your brother, Roman. They say that the best working relationships, especially in creative works, are the ones composed of siblings. Why not giving him a chance?

ROMAN: For ordinary siblings, maybe, but we’re not ordinary siblings, Dee. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I don’t want to work with him. I’d love for us to be able to create something together. It’s just I don’t know how I could work with Remus. We’re so different in terms of creativity. I don’t like anything he comes up with and he doesn’t like anything I come up with. And also, I may be a little extra…

LOGAN: A little?

ROMAN: [frowning at Logan] …but in spite of that, I create my works methodically and seriously. And Remus seems to be so chaotic in everything he does. It would be a hell of a working environment.

VIRGIL: And yet, him being the part that takes care of Thomas’ dark creativity, he’s the best Side for the job. You know it, Roman. You need to call him.

ROMAN: Maybe he doesn’t want to work on this.

VIRGIL: You won’t know if you don’t ask him. Call him.

ROMAN: [sighs] Okay… I hope I don’t regret this… Remus! If you hear me, come quick! I need you here!

REMUS: [suddenly appearing with his usual grin, next to Roman, who flinches at his sudden appearance] Wow, Roman, this is new! You are summoning me? You really must be desperate for something, am I right?

ROMAN: Well, I really am, to be honest.

REMUS: Well, what is it? How can this crazy little brother help his fluffy big brother?

ROMAN: I’m not fluffy!

REMUS: Yes, you are. You’ve gained a little weight on your buttocks since the last time we met, bro.

ROMAN: [briefly scared, trying to look at his own buttocks] What!? Really!? [suddenly returning to his previous attitude] Whatever, that doesn’t matter right now. What do you know about horror?

REMUS: [pumped up] Horror? I love horror stories! There are so many ideas I have written in the last few years! Why do you ask?

ROMAN: Well, Thomas needs to write a horror story and…

REMUS: And you have no idea where to start, right? Of course you don’t, all the horrifying creativity stayed with me after the split. But don’t worry, bro, Remus is here to save your butthole!

THOMAS: If only he could avoid using that word in one of every two sentences…

REMUS: What word, “butthole”? It’s not true that I use “butthole” all the time! I used “buttocks” earlier!

[Thomas sighs in frustration]

REMUS: So, what are you thinking on, Thomas?

THOMAS: Well, as I told Roman, this is for a script writing contest, so it has to be a script, of feature length, and the theme is horror.

REMUS: Any specifics? Horror is a broad term, there are so many things we could put into the story.

THOMAS: No, no specifics. Just horror. But I don’t want anything that would be too gruesome or too extreme. [pointing at Patton] Not in front of the kids.

[Patton is wearing headphones and smiles while humming a song. Honesty is with him]

HONESTY: It’s okay, I got it with Patton. He’s distracted with the Spongebob camp song and will be okay… as long as his phone battery lasts, that is.

REMUS: [looking at Patton, then at Roman] And you’re telling me that you didn’t go crazy like me after having to cope with this kind of shenanigans all day? Okay, let’s get cracking. [he cracks his hands while saying this, making Thomas grimace] I would personally go for gruesome, because that’s the most horrifying and fun, but if you say you don’t want too gruesome, let’s stick with that. You’re the master after all, the Light Master to be exact.

ROMAN: Okay, I had thought about the story taking place in a castle…

REMUS: Boring.

ROMAN: You didn’t let me start explaining the story and you already find it boring?

REMUS: Sorry, Rommie, but a horror story taking place in a castle? That’s too cliche. Besides, there’s nothing so special with castles. Believe me, I know.

ROMAN: If you’re saying that with your own castle in mind, our experience on that castle suggests otherwise, I’m just saying.

REMUS: Oh, please, Roman, what I made you go through were just little fancy games. If those silly antics upset you, you should see the castle’s west wing on the way to my chamber of secrets next to my bedroom.

DECEIT: Why does that “chamber of secrets” thing make me shiver in disgust even though I don’t really know what’s in there?

REMUS: Oh, I call it like that for the Harry Potter book, but I’d never have secrets with you, Slimy Boi. If you want to know what’s in there, I have…

ROMAN: Remus, we have work to do, remember? If you really call yourself creativity, please behave like it and start creating.

REMUS: [shrugs] Okay, it’s your loss, anyway. I enjoy myself there all the time.

ROMAN: [sighs] So, you don’t like the castle as a horror topic. Then, what do you suggest?

REMUS: Well, my suggestion is to place horror where ever the viewer would less suspect to find it. This way, throwing it unexpectedly to him would make a bigger impact on them, don’t you think? For instance… a children’s playground in a park, in broad daylight.

THOMAS: It doesn’t look very easy to find something horrifying in a setting like that…

REMUS: That’s what makes it more challenging, Thomas. Imagine this. An invisible creature, some kind of abomination from an antediluvian era, which has been asleep for uncountable centuries, suddenly wakes up and rises to the surface, in the middle of the playground, and it starts snatching kids and… well you said you didn’t want gruesome details… [pumped up] I don’t care, I want to say this! It starts eating them alive in front of their horrified parents! Ugh… I’m so good…

THOMAS: [ironic] Thank you for omitting the gruesome details, Remus.

ROMAN: Couldn’t we use a story where kids don’t have to die?

REMUS: Yeah, we could, but it wouldn’t be as fun.

THOMAS: Roman is right, I have a reputation of working for young audiences. Suddenly releasing something as gory as that, it could damage future working opportunities for me.

REMUS: Said the guy who played J.D. from Heathers, a character who tried to blow up a whole school after murdering several students. You played that character five years ago, and your career survived afterwards. I don’t know how since you never made anything special at all, but it did.

THOMAS: That’s different, I’m an actor, I need to work on all kinds of roles to grow as a performer, and I took care of warning my viewers beforehand of the kind of show that was Heathers. But creating something from scratch, it makes you deeply involved into it. My regular audience would want to watch it and it could create a bad image of me.

REMUS: And what does prevent you from warning your viewers again? I mean, to me, it’s nothing so bad, but if you think it would be traumatizing for your audience, that could work.

LOGAN: I never thought I would ever say this, but I agree with Remus. What you did with Heathers, you can do the same with any type of creative work, Thomas. You can create anything you want and, as long as you keep everybody aware of the type of content you’ve created and that content doesn’t go against any law, you and your viewers will be fine. A creator should be allowed to evolve. They’re not forced to stick with a limited type of works for the rest of their career. You can create adult content whenever you want as long as you label it appropriately.

THOMAS: Okay, you two may have a point. But still, I don’t want children to die in my story. I want to make something I personally like, and I wouldn’t like that. It’s a question of taste, if you like.

REMUS: [groans] More like Patton’s taste, I think… No, Thomas, I don’t like it, but if that’s your final word, so be it. Let’s look for something else.

ROMAN: How about a mansion with a group of people whose members start disappearing one by one and the others get scared about who’s making them disappear?

REMUS: Roman, please, try to be original. That story has been told millions of times. “The House that Screamed”, “House on Haunted Hill”, “Maniac Mansion”… And besides, it’s not even horror, it’s the typical whodunit flick, like one of those boring Agatha Christie’s novels, where only one person dies and the rest of the time it’s just the others, or a pompous detective, going in circles to find the murderer. I mean, if I killed someone, I wouldn’t hide it, I wouldn’t mind the consequences at all.

LOGAN: [offended] Hey, take it easy! Do not besmirch Dame Agatha Christie’s – may she rest in peace – name in my presence! However, you’re right on the rest of your sentence, Remus, except the part of you murdering someone, of course. A whodunit, even though it can have some horrifying elements, is generally classified as part of the thriller or suspense genre. I don’t know if that’s exactly what the contest is asking for. They specifically ask for “horror”.

THOMAS: Yeah, that’s right.

VIRGIL: Is no one going to acknowledge that, out of the three examples Remus named, two were actual horror flicks? I know, I watched them.

REMUS: My advice is that, instead of making people disappear, we see the creatures who are snatching them in all their gruesome detail, with their sharp teeth, their red eyes, their sticky tentacles. I love tentacles, personal preference. Did I mention “Day of the Tentacle” is my favorite video game?

ROMAN: Why do you have to use gruesome creatures? Not every horror story has to be gory, in case you didn’t know.

REMUS: I know, Roman, but designing these creatures gives me more space to develop my creativity. Humanoid dangers are too dull for my taste.

ROMAN: [groans in frustration] Ugh… It’s just as I feared.

REMUS: What?

ROMAN: You and I are like water and oil, Remus. We’ll never mix well. It’s like we’ll never agree on anything at all.

REMUS: Bullsh… [bleep] , Roman. You’re just not trying hard enough.

ROMAN: I’m not trying hard enough? I’m the one pitching all the ideas and you’re the one twisting them, as you always do!

REMUS: Well, if you brought up some interesting input, then I wouldn’t have to fix anything!

ROMAN: If everything you’re gonna do is fixing my works, then I don’t want you nearby!

[Remus shows a face of utter offense and hurt]

THOMAS: Guys…

REMUS: You don’t want me nearby? What do you mean by that?

ROMAN: I mean exactly what you think I mean! Get away from me and let me work in peace!

THOMAS: Guys, please…

REMUS: So, the cat’s out of the bag at last. You recognize that you don’t want me in your life, right!?

ROMAN: [suddenly confused] Wait, what? I…

REMUS: I’m glad that you admit that! At least this time, you’ve been honest and didn’t trick me into jumping on a boat to leave me on a lost island!

ROMAN: [stuttering, not understanding anything] Wait… what is going on here? I…

REMUS: Don’t worry, bro! I’m not gonna make it difficult for you! You can go on living your perfect dreamlike life however you want, and I’ll return back to my crazy lonely life as I’ve always been! Don’t think I will suffer over losing you! I’ve lived 20 years all alone and I can live like that again whenever I want! Despite what your self-aggrandizing ego suggests you, you’re not so important, [mocking voice] your majesty!

[after saying this, Remus sinks down. Everyone stays quiet and confused for a couple of seconds]

THOMAS: What… has just happened here?

ROMAN: I wish I knew, Thomas. I thought we were having a creative discussion. I don’t know where that came from… Did I… Did I do or say something wrong? You guys sometimes call me out for not being nice when I didn’t even realize I wasn’t…

DECEIT: It’s okay, Roman. It’s not your fault. Or Remus’ fault either.

ROMAN: Dee, do you know anything about this that I don’t?

DECEIT: As a matter of fact, I do, but you should talk it out with Remus yourself. This is something between him and you that you two should fix.

ROMAN: Fix? Up to this point, I didn’t even realize there was something broken between us at all. I thought we had fixed all our disagreements these past few weeks. If you know something, please, tell me, cause I’m totally confused.

DECEIT: Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s because you’ve turned back into a Light Side.

ROMAN: What? But I thought that would be a cause of joy for him, not of anger. Now I’m more confused than before…

DECEIT: Of course he’s happy for you, Roman. But he’s also… scared.

ROMAN: Scared? Of what?

DECEIT: He thinks that you bonded with him because you were a Dark Side and had no choice but to get closer to him or being completely lonely. Now that you’re a Light Side and back with us, he thinks you’re not gonna need him anymore and he’s scared to death of losing you again.

ROMAN: But… that’s nonsense. I wouldn’t do that. My feelings for him remain the same. He’s my brother, I wouldn’t dump him out.

DECEIT: That’s what I tried to tell him the other day, to ease his concern. But I guess it didn’t work. It seems that Remus, the embodiment of intrusive thoughts, also has intrusive thoughts of his own torturing him and that thought of you hating him must be recurrent for him. Perhaps if you told him yourself… He would believe it more easily if he heard it from your own lips and your own heart.

ROMAN: I mean… it’s my own fault that he has that thought on a regular basis. After all, I did leave him behind once… but I’m not the same I used to be back then and my feelings for him are not the same as they were either. Of course I’ll go tell him. He’ll probably be in his room, right? I’ll go see him.

THOMAS: Roman, I don’t want to intrude or anything, but if you go, could we use your orb to check that everything’s going okay? I will be terribly worried otherwise.

ROMAN: Okay, seems fair. Remus doesn’t have secrets of any kind, anyway. Or so I thought. Can’t believe he talked about this first to Deceit instead of directly to me.

DECEIT: Don’t worry about that. You know when someone needs to vent, the last person they do it with is the person with whom they have the problem.

ROMAN: You’re right, I guess… [pulls out the orb and gives it to Thomas] Okay, I’ll let you watch, but if things get too personal, I’ll switch it off, okay? [sinking down] See ya in a moment, guys.

PATTON: I really hope he can make amends with him, even if I don’t like Remus’ ideas very much, it’s Roman’s brother. And today’s task is a proof that Thomas needs him just like any other of us.

HONESTY: What? I thought you were listening to your headphones, Patton…

PATTON: Oh, I switched them off long ago.

HONESTY: And the subjects they were talking about didn’t scare you?

PATTON: A bit, but with you next to me as you were, I was less afraid. I can cope with horror as long as I have my friends supporting me.

HONESTY: [flattered and emotional] Awww!

VIRGIL: [smirks] My dad is the pure incarnation of cuteness, he can’t help it.

THOMAS: Guys, the orb is turning on. Let’s see how they’re doing.

[The guys watch the orb. Roman rises up in Remus’ room. He’s nowhere to be seen]

ROMAN: Remus? Remus, where are you? [waits for a couple of seconds] I know you’re here, Remus. Stop hiding. I just want to talk to you.

[Remus pops up, serious]

REMUS: And I just want you to leave me alone, Roman. Is that so hard to ask for?

ROMAN: Not until we have talked this out, Remus.

REMUS: There’s nothing to talk about, Roman. You made it very clear in the living room. You don’t want me with you.

ROMAN: I didn’t say that!

REMUS: Yes, you did! I am a nuisance for you and you don’t want me nearby! You said it!

ROMAN: You misinterpreted me, Remus. It’s true that our working routine is too… bumpy. And I admit that it’s too hard for me to work with you because we’re too different. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try to make it work out. I was talking out of frustration, I didn’t mean it! And I was only talking about our work, not about our life!

REMUS: Yeah, right. Do you really expect me to believe you? You’re not the most trustworthy individual in the world. I suffered the consequences of your tricks once and I’m not buying them again. I’ll break ties with you and go back to my castle alone before you decide to send me to the trash can again. I don’t want to be abandoned again. I don’t know if I could take it, and I’m scared to death to find out.

ROMAN: Brother, you’re wrong. And me using the word “brother” should already be giving you an indication. I told you many times already. You are my brother. I don’t want you out of my life again and I will never abandon you again. That Roman that hurt you so bad years ago is long gone. I have changed. I promise I’m saying the truth. I already told you these past few weeks and I really meant it.

REMUS: Bullsh… [bleep] You said all of that these past few weeks because you were stuck as a Dark Side and wanted someone to distract you from your boredom. I just happened to be the only one available, an amusement to keep you entertained and distracted from the memories of the people you really wanted to be with. Now that you have those people that you really care for back in your life, you don’t need me anymore. That’s a fact.

ROMAN: No, Remus, that’s a falsehood, as Logan would say. Yes, I missed my friends and I do care about them, but I also care about you. As I also told you, it scared me to get closer to you at first because I feared your rejection. Do you think I would care about that if I didn’t really care about you?

REMUS: Who knows? As far as I know, you’re just as dramatic as I am and you could have been overreacting in regards to that just because. After all, I don’t really know you that much. You didn’t let me, remember? And you don’t get to truly know someone in a few days.

ROMAN: Well, I want to fix that. I want you to know me and I want to know you.

REMUS: I…

ROMAN: Don’t you see that, out of fear of being dumped out, you’re the one who’s in fact dumping me out and that you are forcing to happen what right now is only happening in your mind? Please, don’t do that. It would really hurt me if you do that. And I know it would hurt yourself too, and I don’t want you to get hurt.

REMUS: I don’t want you to get hurt either, and of course I don’t want it to happen. It’s just that… [his voice starts breaking and his eyes fill with tears] I’m so scared… I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’m so scared of losing you again.

ROMAN: Then don’t make that happen for real, Remus, because I love you too, and I’m never gonna leave you again. Let’s be brothers once and for all.

[Roman hugs Remus. Remus hugs Roman back and starts sobbing on his shoulder]

REMUS. I’m sorry, Roman. I’m sorry…

ROMAN: It’s okay… brother. I’m sorry too. Calm down, okay?

[Roman looks right at the camera from the orb with a gesture of apologize, and the orb turns off]

LOGAN: Well, I guess Roman wants some moments of privacy now.

THOMAS: I understand. I’m relieved, though, to see that at least they’re fixing things up. But now, what are we going to do with the contest? I can’t create any horror without Roman and Remus. So what are we going to…

[Suddenly, Romulus rises up in Roman’s place by surprise]

THOMAS: [scared] What!? Romulus!? You’re back? What is going on here!?

ROMAN: It’s okay, Thomas. It’s me, Roman. The original Roman before Remus and I split up.

THOMAS: [frowns] Suspicious… I don’t know if I should trust you. Maybe I should break you up like the last time, just in case…

ROMAN: [scared] Please, don’t do that, Thomas, don’t force us to split again. Last time, you turned me into a Dark Side. Next time, I may not live to see another day.

DECEIT: I think he’s saying the truth, Thomas.

THOMAS: Are you sure, Dee?

DECEIT: You know I can catch a liar from miles away, Thomas, and he’s not lying. It’s Roman.

ROMAN: Thank you, Dee.

THOMAS: Okay, if you say so, Deceit. Well, what happened, Roman?

ROMAN: I’m not entirely sure. When we were hugging, I felt a heartwarming sensation, and suddenly Remus joined into me. And here I am.

THOMAS: It’s weird. I thought you couldn’t join together again, and the result certainly has been a lot different from the last time when that hideous Romulus almost replaced both of you.

LOGAN: I’ve got a theory. Maybe working out your issues has had a beneficial effect, Roman. The last time, you joined because of your mutual unhealthy dependence of each other and the result was a distorted and unstable fusion that eventually became Romulus. Then you lost your capacity of fusion because of the trauma of the abrupt separation, and later, when you recovered, Remus’ fears could have acted as a hindering block, figuratively like one of those deadlock seals from Doctor Who that the sonic screwdriver couldn’t unlock. Now, all hinders are gone and, most importantly, the fusion has been born from your love for each other instead of any kind of dependence, and as such the original Roman came out as a result and not the corrupt Romulus.

PATTON: It’s what I always say, then. Love fixes everything.

THOMAS: But are you sure you’re gonna be okay, Roman? And what about Remus?

ROMAN: That’s worrying me a bit too, Thomas. Logan, now that you’ve mentioned Doctor Who, and since you are our own Doctor on this team…

LOGAN: That’s the biggest compliment you’ve ever given me, Roman, thank you.

ROMAN: …would you mind doing me a medical checkup, please, just to be sure?

LOGAN: Not at all, Roman. Allons-y!

THOMAS: I hope he doesn’t pull out a sonic screwdriver… That would be cool but this is serious business…

PATTON: [happily] Since Logan is the Doctor, can I be his companion, please!?

[Logan blushes for a second, then he clears his throat, approaches Roman and puts his hand on Roman’s chest. Logan starts shaking for a few seconds, then takes his hand off and goes back to his place]

LOGAN: As far as I know, Roman. You’re totally fine. Your form is stable, you’re still a Light Side and if you wanted, you could stay like this permanently. It’s your natural state as you were born, so that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

ROMAN: …but? Because I sense you’re gonna say “but”.

LOGAN: But… if you stay like this for more than a couple of hours a day, Remus will disappear and become part of you, making the fusion irreversible. Also your traditional form as Roman would disappear forever. You’d be stuck as you are right now forever. No more Netflix-Kids-and-Family-Roman. And before you mention it, Thomas, the intrusive thoughts would still be there, only that they would be served by Roman, whether he likes it or not.

ROMAN: No, I don’t like that. And I don’t want my brother gone now that we made amends. But couldn’t I force the split like I did 20 years ago when Remus was born?

LOGAN: You may try, but I doubt it would work now, and besides, some different Sides would appear as a result. It wouldn’t be the same Remus as we know him, and we don’t know how much of the Roman we know would be left. It’s too big of a risk.

ROMAN: You’re right. I’ll split up soon. But first, I think we could take this chance to help Thomas with his contest. In my full form I get all kinds of great ideas for a horror flick.

THOMAS: That sounds cool, if we do it quick. I don’t want you two to get into any risks because of me.

ROMAN: Of course. You said we had around two hours, right? Then let’s get to work right now.

THOMAS: Okay. [to the viewers] Well, we’ve got a lot of work to do and very little time, so, until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[end card]

[Logan is in his room. Patton rises up]

PATTON: Hi, Logan.

LOGAN: Oh, hello, Patton. How are you?

PATTON: I’m fine. Roman and Thomas are still working on their horror story, so I stepped out.

LOGAN: Yeah, fiction is not my department, so I decided to dedicate some time to catch up on some books I’ve had for some time.

PATTON: Oh, I see you’re reading Roman’s story, the one he gave you for your Secret Santa two years ago.

LOGAN: Yeah, please don’t tell him it took me so long to read it. I’d say I didn’t have a free second to read it until now, and as a matter of fact, I’ve been busy all this time because Thomas has been busy all this time. But, to be honest, I forgot about it until Remus mentioned Agatha Christie in our debate earlier and I remembered Roman wrote me a Sherlock Holmes mystery story just for me that I still hadn’t read. Roman would be really offended if he found out and I don’t want to hurt him.

PATTON: It’s okay, Logan. You always had the intention of reading it someday and that’s what matters. And what do you think about it so far?

LOGAN: The story is very good. Roman really knows me well and what I like most of a fictional story. I’m enjoying it very much. It’s too bad I didn’t read it sooner. I wish he makes me more presents like this in years to come.

PATTON: I’m glad that you mention presents, because… I came here because I have a present for you.

LOGAN: [closing the book] A present? For me? But why? Christmas is long over and my birthday is many months from now.

PATTON: Just because, Logan, like when you gave me this cat hoodie as a present. There was no reason, other than how much we love each other. [pulling out a wrapped box] Platonically, of course.

LOGAN: [blushes] Of course… And what is it?

PATTON: Open it and you’ll find out.

[Patton gives Logan the box. He opens it and takes out the content]

LOGAN: Is this… a sonic screwdriver? Like the one used by the Ninth and Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who?

PATTON: Yep, I loved the idea of you as the Doctor and me as the companion, so I decided to give you this for the occasion. Do you like it?

LOGAN: Like it? It’s… fantastic! Thank you so much, Patton!

PATTON: You’re welcome. It makes me so happy that you like it, Logan.

LOGAN: Patton… I owe you an apology.

PATTON: What? An apology? For what?

LOGAN: For the treatment I have given to you in the past. I have consciously belittled your opinions so many times, and you never held it against me.

PATTON: Oh, don’t worry about that, Logan. I’ve always thought of it as you being grumpy, but I’ve always known you never really meant it.

LOGAN: How could you know that, Patton, when I didn’t know it myself?

PATTON: Well, when you’re an expert on feelings, you become aware of them. Feelings are not just about knowing them, Logan, it’s more about feeling them.

LOGAN: It has no logic… Of course it doesn’t, they’re feelings. Maybe that’s the reason I was such a… a jerk. I didn’t understand feelings, so I rejected them, and since you are the embodiment of Thomas’ feelings, I rejected you too. Will you please forgive me?

PATTON: There’s nothing to forgive, but if it will make you feel better, I forgive you, Logan.

LOGAN: Thank you, Patton, I… I…

[Logan looks at Patton, unable to speak. Before he knows how it happened, he approaches Patton and kisses him on the cheek, next to the corner of the mouth. Patton shows a face of surprise and shock, stroking his cheek where Logan kissed him. Logan gets nervous]

LOGAN: I… I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from, I…

PATTON: [with a cute smirk, he puts his finger on Logan's mouth to shut him up, then he looks at him with a loving glance] You certainly took your time to confess it, Teach. I love you too, Logan.

LOGAN: I didn’t conf… mmm...

[Logan shows a glance of shock when Patton starts kissing him on the lips, interrupting him mid sentence, then he just closes his eyes as he hugs Patton and kisses him back]

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

Some of the asks I answer I personally feel are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost since there are so many and I am sure the list will grow. So I am putting the ones I feel might have something worth reading in one place. 

Thank you all for asking me interesting questions and liking my posts. Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Jimin was so clearly in need of cuddles from Tae as soon as they saw each other

Odd if none of them shared what they did during vacations

It just feels scripted, just like when they're talking abt what each other did during their vacations

100 days of winter bear and jiminie wears something that makes him look like a baby bear

About BV4, do you think it’s weird that Taehyung only found out about what Jimin did during his vacation on the day Jimin was back?

Dionysus stage as battle of gods and V=Apollo(God of Sun) and JM=Artemis(God of Moon) and their dance and wearing twin earrings(as the gods r twins) and I just remembered your whole vmin sun and moon theory

Is Tae Jm's mirror in bighits's fictional world?

Do you know what is the full video of this youtube video "BTS Jimin chose V ? VMin Moment?

When BV: Malta was airing, Jimin would post pictures of each episode on Twitter and stopped on the episode that Taehyung arrives

I'm like a hardcore Km shipper (romantically) since 2016 but i have to agree every song Tae has written connects with Jm

We don't see vmin together often... so yeah jikook could be more real then vmin

I'm trying to find tweets that vmin send to each other on their birthday but I can't find the one that jimin send for tae in 2017 did he send one? 

The new run bts episode was really filmed in May?

Did Jimin released Promise on Tae's birthday?

I am working on a Vmin analysis which is currently 24 pages just in text. O___o

He calls JM "My Baby" but the subtitles put in by BH say "Good Boy" Why would they change the translation. 

Shipping sometimes seems pointless. Especially when "moments" between one ship can easily be spotted with another. 

I can't believe that some fans thought that vmin were not friends anymore because a game!

It's so cute how Jimin and V talked about arguing with each other over small things because they are close friends

I think people who unfollow you are Multishippers who believe in other ship

Is it kind of weird that vmin has never went on a trip by themselves? 

Seeing all the vmin interactions of this last concert, do you think this might be a reason why BH will not give us vmin duet?

I would love to read ur vmin story

Concerning the nightmare before Christmas thing

The Disney birthday project turned up to be false

Jimin thinks V is "mi bb' What does the question mean?

I don't think we'll get a Vmin song

BTS, 191009_ ICN INT' Airport Departure) at 40 seconds

Where do you write fics? I really want to read your fics...

It's interesting to see the way the bh editors work

Where is the vmin break up mini movie video from?

Do you ship Jimin or Tae with k pop girls?

The members trying to break off a vmin moment on cam?

Is it true that bts don't live together?

What do you think about the concept photos? (PERSONA)

What other vmin blogs do you follow or check regularly?

In an usa interview where jimin was kinda leaning on the male interviewer for a few seconds and suddenly tae was looking kinda tense

Did you catch up on everything for bts or/and vmin before the BS&T era?

You should see @vlovers19 blog

I'm sorry if you think I offended you or judged you

Do you know that Tae hold hands with other member even Suga or they all hold hands with each other so it's not only a VMIN thing

About bon voyage 3 and them not sharing rooms and the car

4 oclock is supposedly dedicated to jimin, why Tae waits for him in the park if they live together?

Imagine my surprise when i saw vk/ook,ji/kook were the most popular. I tried to understand but i still don’t get why

Do you think vmins lack of or th reduced amount of skinship comes from the fact that they are same aged friends? 

Other ships (kpopidols) that you like?

Part of me wanted Taehyung to be in Paris too

The boys being apart of the lgbt community that's unrelated to their relationship

If someone in BTS is gay he will try to date girls or maybe marry a girl in the end?

If vmin are really together and if they were to come out, how do you think they would do that?

I feel like they use the word "friend" instead of, idk, "boyfriend”

You saw the hk concert right?

Unknown nickname in his thank you note for “Dark and Wild”

When did Vmin started dating?

Bv3, I ain't getting over it.

I feel like vmin have been sexually involved for a very long time 

Any thoughts abt Tae's three rings on his right hand and always not wearing one on his ring finger?

In bts festa profile 2015 when jimin wrote tae's profile he drew a character that reminds him of taehyung

Did u see the second trailer for bring the soul documentary series? 

In one of your asks you said jk wasn't having a great time in 2017

Are you gonna make a post about vmin sharing rooms?

What would be your top 5 favorite vmin moments? 💜

Run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?"

Barely getting any vmin content

Sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure

Maybe you should just ignore all the asks about other ships

Sharing a car as proof

Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie

Getting it out of the way… (about various other ships and “proof“)

What are the moments that seems most like "proof" to you? 

Have you seen the Vlive remember party?

At the end of the day, it mostly comes down to personal interpretations and preferences

Do you know why T/ae and J/imin toxic stans really hate each other?

Is it being "delusional" for some vmin fans to think scenery, promise and 4 o' clock are related to vmin?

When will u start answering anons again i really miss ur insight and wise words 

I feel like jimin is forcing himself the affection he is showing is mostly forced

Do you have twitter?

The Rkive Vmin moment when JM ‘refused’ Tae’s cuddle

They were often looking behind cameras and it really shows like in episodes 59&60

Do you think there's a big reason that vm don't do Vlives together anymore

Vmin shippers spreading misinformation in aid of our ship?

Can I use one of your gifs? (I don’t make my own gifs, sorry)

Did you see what Tae said? ie I miss you even after being apart for 10 seconds

When one is clingy, the other will try to act as if it's bothering him

My friend is convinced Ji/kook is real

About namjoon's vlive, "it's a broadcast"

Oof is it just me or the sexual tension was through the roof between vmin in that vlive?

Tae says "our armys are watching this so... " so uhm was that..?

Where does the soulmate thing comes from with vmin?

Taehyung is more open both physically and showing affection wise with every member except Jimin

Have you seen the moments from today's concert? Fukuoka

They can do whatever they want people will say they're such good bros and won't look into it

Holding each other's hands is probably the least platonic thing that they keep doing

Do you know any good vmin analysis youtube account/videos?

why do you think jk and taehyung might not be straight?

Guys, I love vmin so much!

I really like your analysis!! a lot of good points. Can I add a couple things I noticed?

How long do you think vmin have been dating?

u really think vm is real?

Vmin are really bold these days

We get to see them bicker 

The video jimin posted where he's sending hearts to Tae

Feel conflicted about the rise in popularity

I’m a bit worried about the attention Vmin is getting recently

U answered my jik ask so well

Tae being bold because he's bursting with affection

Jimin admitted he was jealous

About the families (+kimchi ep. mini analysis)

About vmin/ji/ook/tae/kook

The whole maknae line

Never seemed to be in the same team

When people "ship" them?

Showing their bond more

About Jikook

About vmin being the less popular ship

Flustered vmin

Yeontan vlive

About the airport moment

Do you think that vmin live together?

About vmin rising in popularity

Do you have a link for that moment during New Year's 2016?

Platonic/bro label on vmin

More than friendship between vmin

My reply - Making Vmin videos

Thank you! A small reply

About my bias

Opinions above people

Once again, THANK YOU ALL so much for loving Vmin so much and for coming to me with your lovely messages. <3

[midautumnnightdream]

Oh you are doing the character meme thing too yay. Can you do Combeferre & Jehan?

Ooh! Thanks!

Combeferre:

Why I like them

He's a supernerd, which makes him both someone I'd like to be friends with and also an excellent character for almost any kind of hjinks that come up in canon era research. Science? Hieroglyphs? Balloons? Wilder aspects of revolutionary philosophy? He's your guy. He's also gentle, when it's so common to depict his type of character as cold, so that's refreshing, but I also appreciate that he isn't always Right, or at least the people arguing with him are Not Wrong either.

Why I don’t

.. I'm interpreting this as "what negative characteristics this character has", otherwise I wouldn't be able to answer about any of them. With Combeferre, I guess he's caustic when he gets upset in a way that isn't always helpful to situation at hand, and generally doesn't really hold back when he's feeling strongly about something. Which isn't a bad thing on the whole! His friends especially probably appreciate that about him, but it can cause some distressing moments (cough*artillery sergeant*cough)

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

A fun moment: his reaction to Courfeyrac setting the charter on fire (there is a pun and I know there was a good Pun Explanation post around, I saw it recently, but now it’s lost and it’s so late augh)

A distressing moment: his barricade speech

Favorite season/movie

I'm very fond of Shoujo Cosette!Combeferre!

Favorite line

“There are people who observe the rules of honor as one observes the stars, from a great distance.”

Favorite outfit

... the Saint-Simonian back-laced waistcoat I totally headcanon him owning >_

OTP

Enjolras/Combeferre/Courfeyrac

Brotp

... same. Rest of the Amis as well

Head Canon

his various ahem, studies and experiments have taken a few wild turns. Sometimes things explode a bit. Sometimes there are drugs involved. There is an incident involving a poodle and a bottle of absinthe that Courfeyrac is honour sworn to never talk about, but his eyes lit up in a particularly fiendish way whenever it's alluded to

Unpopular opinion

Though he seems like the calm and reasonable one of the group, he's often not really either. He's also not the mom friend, he shouldn't ever be anyone's mom friend, this is a disaster (see above).

A wish

That he got to see all the cool discoveries and inventions that he just barely missed out on ;_;

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Well. It happened

5 words to best describe them

curious, insitent, compassionate, knowledgeable, supportive

My nickname for them

Don't have one!

Jehan

Why I like them

Well. He's basically me, except better. Everything he says or does (or is implied to be like) is intensely relatable and also inspiring.

Why I don’t

The above bit is a double-edged sword :p

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

I really like his speech about the gods of Olympus, both in itself and also because it's basically only slightly paraphrased quote of Gerard de Nerval, which adds this delightful sense of meta perspective and blurring the lines of narrative and fiction to already spiritually intense moment

Favorite season/movie

none of the adaptation Prouvaires has really stood out to me. Shoujo Cosette I guess? At least he got lines and stuff

Favorite line

His entire poem!

Favorite outfit

.. how did Courfeyrac put it again? “Poets are very fond of wearing the trousers of dealers in rabbit skins and the overcoats of peers of France.” xD

OTP

Poetry Smash always! But the way Prouvaire is described, I kinda headcanon he's kinda in love with all his friends, romantically and Romantically, but it's more of a spiritual thing.

Brotp

same as above

Head Canon

so many! One thing I have brought into my stories a couple of times is having him embody the Poet-As-A-Prophet trope on a low-key level, in  a way that could be read as a magical realism, or as a spiritual experience, or simply as a character being hypersenstive to narrative flow because that's how he himself sees the world. Mostly it's just the excuse to experiment with the fourth wall a bit in a way that makes at least some narrative sense.

Also he totally went to Hernani. For all the showings.

Unpopular opinion

What even is an Unpopular Prouvaire Opinion these days? I guess I imagine him as more Awkward in less easily forgiven/cute ways than a lot of fandom, like, genuinely being difficult to deal with when he gets into a mood, and also sometimes being a bit dense about the undercurrents because he zoned out at a wrong time or smth. (I mean, he's often headcanoned as being super emotionally intelligent and while in some ways I think he is, in some ways... also... not)

A wish

that he lived to make friends with Father Mabeuf

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

The worst already did

The worst ship also did

5 words to best describe them

dreamy, loving, shy, intrepid, [above all] Good

My nickname for them

Again not really a nickname, but i guess I call him Prouvaire more often while most people call him Jehan? In fic, I usually write it out as 'Jean Prouvaire' because that's what Hugo does, it's one of these nuance things I'm weirdly picky about.

[jangyeevns]

🔥🔥🔥 rant freely. go wild

send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion — ( accepting )

🔥 

let’s get controversial ! SGKLGFJFLGDS

gonna start off strong bc this will never Not bother me and i read someone else’s rant about it earlier. Stop Making Self-Inserts/Projecting Muses !!! i’ve seen my fair share of them over the years but some of y’all ( generalizing here as always, dw dgfklsd ) OUTDID yourselves in the last what, fourteen, fifteen months ? if they’re either a placeholder for how you view yourself/how you work through your insecurities/whatever or for what you WISH to be/what you wish to DO in relationships or something of the sort, Log Off. all it does is put more pressure on people Not to offend you, thus compromise their characterizations if you’re particularly sensitive over Any amount of teasing or critical, IN CHARACTER, discourse. now, obviously certain topics are exempt from this behaviour, but if you’re projecting your insecurities onto Most of your muses, are almost Too invested in how other muses perceive yours/get defensive when people hit back or respond in a certain way, or are making them like yourself for any other reason, you’re no longer portraying a muse and people can see that from a mile away. i know it sounds harsh, but cut it out, log off, take a walk and some much needed time to yourself before getting back into a group or your indie because it’s not healthy for you nor the muns you interact with

🔥 

branching off of that Slightly and to a topic i’ve ranted about Enough, but ( generalizing again ) some of y’all need to fucking STOP getting contrary over ships or pushing for them, BOTH preferably. you should also stop initiating flat, boring ships the Second you join a group bc of your thirst and your gay asian fetish. DSLJGFDK this is really just specific to a couple of muns i’ve encountered, but i cannot stomach any of this shit anymore. focusing on the rampant Hets in the rpc, some of them can’t accept their target giving anyone else their attention, thus they have to sabotage it in some way or they have to get pissy in general. and it’s fucking ridiculous, it’s Fictional Cock honey ! as for those ( a MINORITY, let me make that clear ) who portray mlm muses Specifically, y’all have to be the most pushy and disturbing people i’ve encountered ! during my time in the k*rp scene, i saw so many cringey and fetishized portrayals from girls and guys alike ( the guys are usually not at fault, they wanna show some representation ! they just get involved with, at times, questionable muns and muses when it comes to shipping ). the worst was, and still is, seeing borderline harassing shit ic that They think is charming and is gonna get them a ship or just some smut. but what bothers me most are the mlm muses who are portrayed as the same whiny asian twinks, sometimes still MINORS in their home country and getting involved with fcs in their mid-to-late twenties, and get outrageously sexualized by their muns — it makes my stomach churn when it’s a mlm mun doing all this too, and acting like a kboo even with their WHITE bottom muses. basically, every Gross element that comes with these pushy, possessive and petulant muns can fucking ROT already, stop validating them bc of representation, their fc, the mun’s hierarchal position in an rp ( such as an admin or an admin’s friend ) or my personal favourite angle, “ their sexually liberated, bold personality ! ” with a specific, lgbtq mun in mind

sidebar, i know it’s odd of me to go on a tangent mostly focused on mlm muses and at times, mlm muns, but it’s only because a lot of shit with m/m interactions that would not be acceptable towards m/f or f/f interactions have often gotten a pass and i don’t agree with it at All. idk if it’s certain sections of the community enabling it or what, but it has to stop because it doesn’t do mlm muns or muses any favours, it doesn’t do other lgbtq+ muns any favours either and in acting like these “ cool and bold and funny ” portrayals and muns are above the standards Set with other pairings is honestly vile. i wanna see mlm muses be given dimension in groups, i wanna see them flourish without being predominantly sexual beings or sexualized, and i wanna see them treat other muses ( and the muns behind them treat other muns ) in a rational fashion — not tossing out some weird blowjob insinuations at them out of left field and without talking about it, ESPECIALLY with minor muns. frankly, i want it for all muses, but godDAMN people, do right by your boys who like boys, they deserve so much better than they get

🔥

uhh, so i snapped a little Too Much in those first two that idk what else to say rn KJGDSFFG

pineapple on pizza isn’t the fucking end of the world ?? like, this constantly, imo heated more than chill debate is SO childish and for what, a topping you Don’t have to check the box on when ordering in if you and your pals don’t want it ? or better yet, one that doesn’t need to be on the Whole pizza, just a section for the pal who likes it. pineapple’s Good, sometimes it’s good with a decent meat topping because sweet + savoury ?? is Good. do i have it all the time On the pizza ? 90% of the time it’s on it, bc my mom likes hawaiian sometimes, i pick it off and eat it by itself because i like pineapple in itself, but will i bitch and bawl because it’s on there ? at 21 years old, you best believe i’m grown up enough not to care, much like i don’t care if there’s mushrooms on anything when i Despise them. because i pick them off and move on with my day or i ask for them Not to be on it. and yeah, i’ll reblog posts about controversial foods or toppings, but it’s before everyone takes So Much of the piss out of it that it comes off as bitter and snide. @ tumblr and twitter dot com, stop making lighthearted debates so Deep that people get uncomfy or get side eyed for it, that it doesn’t feel like a joke when it gets to a Point, and over fucking pizza toppings especially, jesus

[prinzenhasserin]

AU Exchange

Dear AUex creator!

I am very excited about most AUs, especially if they feature alternative explanations and use the canon dynamics to add something different, so if one of my tag combinations lead you towards an idea, I'd be pretty stoked to receive it, even if you don't use my prompts.

My AO3 name is Prinzenhasserin, and you can find some more of my exchange letters here.

In the grand scale of canon divergent AUs and setting change AUs I happen to love both! And if you want to combine the two, I'm also happy to receive them :D

If you want something more to base your ideas on, here's a non-exclusive list of things I like:

General likes:

loyalty

odd couples!

found family, dysfunctional families that nevertheless love each other

historical stories for same-sex pairings that aren't unhappy but that fit with the society of the time (so like, spinster ladies living together; bachelors-for-life)

cultural differences! age differences! height differences!

heists, rescue missions

character driven narratives

dragons, fairy tales, magical realism, urban fantasy

Space AUs

competent characters

people not realising they’re the most competent at their job/hobby

people failing their way to success

happy endings, earning your happy ending, open yet hopeful endings

cynical humour

mutual pining

everything is better in suits, corsetry, fancy dresses

Identity shenanigans (secret identities, mistaken identities)

Blatant Lies

Enemies becoming friends and/or lovers

outsider POV

epistolary, poetry, unusual narrative formats

orange/blue morality (that is, not entirely human morality); grey/grey morality

non-verbal expressions of affection

DNW: 

breaking up requested pairings, 

permanent death of the requested characters (if they come back from death, they shouldn’t come back wrong but they can be ghosts), 

pregnancy as a main plot point

Legally Blonde

Fanfiction (Medium)

Elle Woods

Group: Vivian Kensington/Elle Woods

ALL: Starfleet Academy AU

ALL: Space Opera AU

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Hyperspace test pilot AU

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

DNW: breaking up requested pairings, permanent death of the requested characters (if they come back from death, they shouldn’t come back wrong but they can be ghosts), pregnancy as a main plot point

STARFLEET ACADEMY

- so I really have wanted a Starfleet Academy AU for Legally Blonde for years now. There are a few really awesome picture sets here https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/cosmically-blonde, if you want the inspiration...

- otherwise: Elle Woods goes into Starfleet with her great SAT scores ("what, like it's haaard?") I can give or take the romantic subplot of the first movie (but I really ship her with Vivian Kensington, who can come from a family of starfleet captains, or engineers or whatever)

- I take even just a snippet of her application! or the way she gets accepted. or how her sorority sisters react to her wanting to go to Starfleet?

SPACE OPERA AU

- I'd love the entire plot translated into a space setting! Space law Harvard, why not. (I hope there's at least a few aliens, and space affirmative action, but I'd also take plenty of robots)

- really, go wild.

REGENCY-INSPIRED SCIFI

- does Elle have to  go to space-Harvard to get back her boyfriend, and then it turns out she really wants to go to space-Harvard instead, and there's a comedy of errors because apparently it isn't explicitly forbidden for women to go but there's not really any space for her?

- also good: her parents not understanding why she needs to get her boyfriend back/to go to space-Harvard, but supporting her anyway

- Vivian Kensington who dreamed to go to space-Harvard feeling betrayed that someone like Elle got in on a whim; and then slowly realising how she was hiding her hard work behind a facade and slowly falling in love with her with added SPACE REGENCY, somehow, idk

SPACE PRIVATEERS

- the boyfriend dumps her to go space pirating like his parents always wanted for him, and Elle gets a commission of war just so that she can hunt him down, and then along the way decides she rather wants to stick with pirating (because it's more lucrative, and also she has fun doing it)

HYPERSPACE TEST PILOT

- Elle follows her boyfriend to hyperspace test pilot academy, only to find hyperspace test piloting much more interesting than him.

- if this involves tentacles in any way, or transformations into cyborgs to pilot hyperspace ships, I'm game

ORGANIZED CRIME

- Elle's parents belong to the mob, and Elle studies law to become a mob lawyer? i'd buy this if her enthusiasm for fairness was a front, but I'd also buy this if there's a corrupt government and the mob is the slightly better option-- or if the boyfriend was actually in the mob, and Elle joins to get him back, and takes over while she's there, that works too

- (I have no problem with either assassination or murder, but I'd rather not see the longterm consequences of drug addiction though if you want to mention it that's fine.)

MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE

- Elle or Vivian need a scholarship and/or a dorm room and the one they can get is only open for married couples, and Vivian/Elle agree and then they fall in love (or not)

- if you want to add more or different tropes, really, I'd love it

Character comes into INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- yes please.

- Elle needs to marry before she can get her trustfund/access to her property? or exorcise the ghost, and she talks it into leaving instead?

- or maybe it's Vivian whose wacky aunt wants her to experience life to the fullest, and she needs to go on a roadtrip to Vegas with a friend, and Vivian only has Elle since she dumped Walther?

Ocean's 8

Fanfiction (Medium)

Debbie Ocean (Ocean's 8)

Group: Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean

ALL: Space Pirates AU

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

ALL: Regency AU

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

Oh god, don't remind me of these twos sexual tension! (Except please do.) I loved all the outfit changes, the sheer outrageous gumption of doing the heist like they did (but tbh, also the sheer outrageous way Debbie lived her entire life, so if you rather want to focus on that, that'd be great too)

I know I did not want you to break up requested pairings, but I don't mind if the Debbie/Lou thing is tumultuous and fucked-up? Like say, sleeping with whoever Richard Armitage played. I like them best at their grumpy movie-selves, but any other dynamic is great also.

I'd love to see how that translates into a different setting, like say space pirates, or a regency inspired AU, or a combination of both :D

SPACE PIRATES

- how does Debbie built her crew? how does the MET gala translate into a space setting--casino planet? rich tourist spot? a fundraising drive to fund the museum of culture in outer space?

- are any of the women aliens that Debbie hired with abilities that lend themselves well to subterfuge and theft?

- Debbie and Lou in a small space craft, sharing their bunk because they needed to fit in Daphne Kruger into their ship and there are no other bunks left?

REGENCY AU

- Debbie playing up her "I'm only a woman, what could I have done"-look, and robbing the entire aristocracy blind-- tbh, I'd love an appearance by her brother Danny if only to have someone appreciate her genius properly. (And so that she can tell him to stop stealing his marks, probably)

- what's her usual trick to get money fast? does she sell powdered mummy? fake glass as diamonds? does she have an empire of shell companies that lure in investors by promising stuff? selling islands that are either uninhabitable or don't exist?

- Debbie and Lou settling together with a house full of riches and a harem of young admirers after their biggest con?

REGENCY-INSPIRED SCI-FI

-YES! i don't know quite what I want from it-- the thumbing at class differences? the problems with authorities Debbie is going to have?  a Debbie/Lou relationship that is really most blatant and very private at the same time?

- aliens! in corsets! and suits!

Character comes into INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Debbie gets an inheritance from Danny, but first she has to get back at someone/steal a diamond/bankrupt an enemy

- or! it leads to Debbie finding out about the curse put on her family, that their love-life will always lead to them getting caught, and before she can marry/move in with Lou, she has to take care of the curse

Crossover Fandom

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Buffy Summers (BTVS) & Anakin Skywalker (SW) & Ahsoka Tano (SW)

Group: Buffy Summers (BTVS)/Ahsoka Tano (SW)

Group: Cher Horowitz (Clueless)/Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)

Group: Jane Marple (Miss Marple) & Hercule Poirot (Poirot)

Group: Jyn Erso (Rogue One)/Amilyn Holdo (SWST)

ALL: Character makes an SO up and SO turns out to be real person

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: Time Travel

STAR WARS/BUFFY

Star Wars has slowly sucked me into its sphere again, and I just think pairing Ahsoka (and Anakin) with the Vampire Slayer who defeats Evil sounds like the most fun. I don't care if they meet because of Time or Dimension Travel, or whatever, or because Buffy manages to open a pocket dimension in Sunnydale-- though I would rather read space adventures than Anakin Skywalker in a coffeeshop, trying to fend off vampires.

Does Buffy make up an alien she has fallen in love with, and then Ahsoka stumbles out of the pocket dimension and is exactly how she described her, headtails and all?

Or maybe it's the other way around, and Ahsoka gets a talisman from her grandmother for a summon when she desperately needs help, and she uses it (when she leaves the Jedi Order? during a fight she almost looses?) Buffy comes out of it?

Or maybe, instead of making Ahsoka and Anakin join the Clone Army, the Senate gives them a letter of marque with which they travel through the galaxy, fucking up slavers, and finding Buffy who coincidentally is also fucking up slavers?

Or maybe an AU in which Anakin didn't become a jedi for whatever reasons and instead became a space privateer, hunting slavers, and he finds both Ahsoka and Buffy and they become a team?

Or perhaps Anakin starts a flower business with his mother, except they run into trouble with the flower smuggling business, and while he's being interrogated somewhere Buffy rescues him (because real flowers in space is where the money is at, obviously)

CHER HOROWITZ (CLUELESS)/ ELLE WOODS (LEGALLY BLONDE)

- Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions: either one of them! they have to find a macguffin! they need to marry to get the deed to the property! they find out that their great-grandmother was an alien and need to do some quick intergalactic diplomacy!

- or! there's Cher and her father is really worried about her since she broke up with Josh, and so she makes up this awesome lawyer that only exists in her brain, except then she meets Elle...

- look, in my mind Space Florists are really in demand-- the 1% like to have extravagant things, you see, and importing real flowers from far off corners of the universe is probably the most extravagant thing ever. There's an entire smuggling industry around getting fresh flowers fast and fresh to where they need to go. If you want either one of them to own a flower business, that would be interesting! or, Cher is an environmentalist who tries to curtail the flower industry, and Elle is the lawyer helping her?

- Space Privateers!

Jane MARPLE & Hercule POIROT

I feel like they would not like each other at all. Or maybe they would, but they'd despair of each other's affectations, and would only barely be able to talk with each other before getting annoyed by the other. Or perhaps, they might even be acquaintances who met during their adventures, and were suspicious of the other's motives until they found out about their investigations-- of two different crimes that maybe turn out to have the same perpetrator?

- I'd love Jane as an immortal being, but I forgot to request something for that, but I'd also love her as a timetravelling hero who is quite happy to be seen as just a tottering old woman. Does Poirot notice her real self?

- Poirot gets notice of an inheritance from a woman who he never met, who thinks she has been murdered, and then he starts seeing her everywhere... (she could be a ghost? or it's part of the inheritance? or maybe she leaves a diary) This is against my DNW, but I'd like it anyway.

- space privateers

- space florists are the people the most crimes happen to in space; it is Known (I'd love an AU in which for some reason they have a space flower business together! or maybe there's a case a space florist is involved in, I'm really not fussy :D)

Miss Marple

Fanfiction (Medium)

Jane Marple (Christie)

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Character is slowly turning into an eldritch creature

ALL: Forbidden magic exists that can be used to raise the dead

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: Space AU

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: One character is a dragon

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Miss Marple inherits a dragon hoard, because what the dragon hoards is... unsolved crimes? small-town happenings? detectives? and the dragon feels like Miss Marple is the ideal recipient of that hoard

- Miss Marple's great-great-grandmother happened to be an eldritch creature, and sometimes it skips a few generations, but now that her grandmother vanished, Miss Marple has to deal with it instead

- Miss Marple inherits money, but she needs to solve a murder to get to it

SLOWLY TURNING INTO AN ELDRITCH CREATURE

- Miss Marple's great-great-grandmother happened to be an eldritch creature, and sometimes it skips a few generations, but now that her grandmother vanished, Miss Marple has to deal with it instead

- There's always been a Miss Marple at St. Mary Mead's. Sometimes, there needs to be a new one.

ORGANIZED CRIME

- Miss Marple knows who murdered all of the people because she's the one arranging all the hits and bringing her contesters into jail is a nice plus.

- or! Miss Marple is a fixer who is hired to bring light into the mob's many betrayals, and she does so because it reminds her of the cutthroat nature of her knitting circle and the mob boss asked nice and politely, not like the local inspector.

RAISE THE DEAD

- Miss Marple likes to chat with dead people, and that's how she knows so much about murders. Of course, since she's a nice old lady, and necromancy isn't exactly on the up-and-up, she doesn't mention that.

SPACE AU

- Miss Marple is from a small town in Coruscant, or wherever, and solves space crimes.

SPACE FLORIST

- So I do know that Miss Marple doesn't have a job, canonically. But it would be really funny if she had a flower business in space, and everyone always underestimated the trouble florist have. But there's many additional dangers to the flower trade in space: some people (aliens) like to send each other flowers from far off worlds they know are poisonous to breathe for that species, some people get high on flowers, and trading flowers involves some serious money (so there's a lot of smuggling of poisonous, maybe illegal flowers going on)

- either way, i'd love adventures involving space flower trade

Grace and Frankie

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Grace Hanson/Frankie Bergstein

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: classical musicians AU

Grace and Frankie: Grace and Frankie marry each other

All: Character has a secret identity

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

REGENCY SCIFI

I am here for it, and if it involves my favourite old lesbian couple, then even better!

SPACE FLORIST AU

Grace and Frankie are obviously still living on a beach somewhere, but instead of investing in a dildo manufacturer, they invest in a local flower shop--maybe one with sex pollen to encourage the sex drive of older women? 

CLASSICAL MUSICIANS AU

Grace and Frankie feel like they need to collaborate now that their husbands are collaborating, and their respective fields compliment each other well, so it would be ideal (since their husbands were their usual collaborators) but Frankie’s approach is so free-style, and Grace’s approach is so very technical and they need time to arrange themselves.

THEY MARRY EACH OTHER

I don’t care for when, only that they do. Would also read an AU, in which they married each other instead of their husbands :D

CHARACTER HAS A SECRET IDENTITY 

- Grace is secretly a superhero? or perhaps a voice actress for romance novels that Frankie likes to read

- Frankie was the girl Grace slept with in college, but only one of them knows

- One of them is a mob boss

ORGANIZED CRIME

yes please.

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Grace and Frankie have to marry to fulfil the conditions!

- Grace and Frankie have to fulfil a ridiculous request, and fall in love?

Naruto

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)

Group: Yamanaka Ino/Haruno Sakuro

Group: Maito Gai | Might Guy/Hatake Kakashi

Group: Nara Shikamaru/Uzumaki Naruto

Group: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

ALL: Time Travel

Naruto: Uzushio wasn't destroyed

Naruto: Sasuke is possessed

Naruto: Sakura is a necromancer

ALL: Character's love interest is actually a tentacle monster

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Canon Character can see ghosts

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

I really love these characters and I’d love anything about these freeforms. (And I hope to add more prompts tomorrow, but feel free to not use them!)

TIME TRAVEL

yes! time loops, groundhog scenarios, dimensional hopping, making the past work out differently, fix it fics -- I’m not so much a fan of dark endings, but Sasuke travelling back in time to, idk, murder Itachi, and failing, and becoming something resembling a human being with feelings would be great too.

UZUSHIO WASN’T DESTROYED

I’m still bitter we didn’t get a story line about the Uzumaki clan. Or like, the diaspora of the Uzushio people. Or like, anything about the village it had been, and why nobody remembers it.

SASUKE IS POSSESSED

look, it’d be cool? also, it’d explain a lot.

SAKURA IS A NECROMANCER

how will this change the way Team 7 operates? does Orochimaru want to kidnap the entirety of Team 7 (and does he succeed?)

CHARACTER’S LOVE INTEREST IS ACTUALLY A TENTACLE MONSTER

I don’t care who, but omg, yes please. (You can’t tell me that this doesn’t fit the wacky Naruto worldbuilding, come on, there’s ninja that fight with bubbles. and paper. and fucking Kisame with his shark dicks)

SPACE PRIVATEERS AU

Instead of ninja getting their permit from the daimyo, they’re pirates who get their permit from a shadowy government?

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

yes please! does Ino have to prove herself in mind arts? does Sasuke get a ghost sword he can only use to restore people back to life, but only if he first manages to climb a mountain? does Naruto inherit a ton of money, but only if he travels to Uzushio?

CHARACTER CAN SEE GHOSTS

Sasuke is haunted by the people he killed. Naruto is haunted by a lot of red-heads who teach him pranks, and like to see him eat ramen. Kakashi sees the people who he killed, and they generally seem to prefer his dogs. Sakura’s ghosts teach her stuff she wouldn’t normally know. Or something else, maybe?

Harry Potter

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Regulus Black/Harry Potter

Group: Sirius Black & Harry Potter

Group: Nymphadora Tonks/OFC

Group: Nymphadora Tonks & Regulus Black & Harry Potter

Group: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

HP: Regulus Black lives

HP: Tonks becomes Lord Black

HP: Sirius survived the battle in the Department of Mysteries

HP: Time Travel

HP: Harry is the Master of Death and thus immortal

HP: Sirius never goes to Azkaban

HP: Sirius is exonerated after POA

ALL: One character is a time traveler from a different era

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

HP: Voldemort's end is early and anticlimactic

I love the magic, and I love cracky takes on this. I have read so many HP time travel AUs and tropey magical crack, but I cannot get enough of it, and there’s especially always a lack of my favourite characters, even though there’s so much fic already.

REGULUS BLACK LIVES

Basically, what it says. Does he time travel? Does Kreacher manage to go back to save him? Does he schlepp himself out of the cave and wakes up with a case of amnesia?

TONKS BECOMES LORD BLACK

So, I really think that this is an underused trope, because it would be so great-- the House of the “Always Pure”, gloomy Grimmauld Place with bubbly, pink-haired Tonks as its figurehead? Sign me up.

Perhaps she inherits because Sirius is in prison, and everyone else presumed dead, and her mother is the oldest? Or there’s a loophole for metamorphmagi to inherit? (Does she need to prove that she can morph a fully functional dick?)

Also great would be Tonks opening her house for Harry for the summer. Or tricky ministry politics by the Malfoys who want the Black House for themselves?

SIRIUS SURVIVES; SIRIUS NEVER GOES TO AZKABAN; SIRIUS IS EXONERATED

Pretty self-explanatory. Does he time-travel? Does he kidnap Umbridge and torture her explain that she’s overstepping her bounds? Does he make Crouch eat it? Does he rescue Harry from the Dursleys/boredom/Mrs Figg?

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

Omg, really. This is the opportunity to go really wild. I hope there’s lots of magical circumstances, and perhaps vows or magical traditions. It’s kinda canon, too, with Dumbledore and his snitch, book, and deluminator, but I’d also appreciate a story in which they have to fulfil someone’s last will.

MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE AU

yes please! Tonks needs to prove that she intends to raise children, and finds a friend who needs a place to live so they can cheat the Black Inheritance Rituals, or something? I read this for contrived reasons, or for friends just living together, or for slowly developing romance, but all pairings I asked for are great for this!

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Ahsoka Tano & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker (SWST)

Group: Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa/Jyn Erso (SWST)

Group: Ahsoka Tano & Luke Skywalker (SWST)

ALL: Space Pirates AU

SWST: Leia did become a Jedi and goes after the New Order herself

SW: Luke turns to the Dark Side and Leia has to learn her powers and bring him back

SW: Leia and Luke raised as Jedi

ALL: Robot Revolution

SWST: General Leia Organa time travels back to the Tantive IV at the start of ANH

ALL: Canon Character can see ghosts

I'm requesting all these things under the Sequel Trilogy, because I really like things set in the future, and I'd love to see the continuation of the OT-- if you want to set it during the ST that's great! But I'm also interested in the 30 years between OT and ST.

SPACE PIRATES

So, the new republic took time to built probably, and I can see every single of the requested characters taking the time out of their busy schedules to start (and finish) a war with any of the pirates blocking the trade routes (and trading slaves); possibly even without permission from the New Republic.

Or, if you want to recreate the Trilogy with a space pirate dynasty, instead of a Jedi dynasty, that would be grand too.

- ‘Canon Character can see ghosts’, ‘Leia becomes a Jedi and goes after the New Order herself’, and ‘Luke turns to the Dark Side and Leia has to learn her powers to bring him back’ are pretty self-explanatory, I feel? but to reiterate, I’d love all those groups, together or apart.

ROBOT REVOLUTION

I'm all for droid rights, and I feel like the droids are definitely under-utilised in their usefulness of bringing down the New Order. Or the New Republic. Or sneaking into ships and casino's to retrieve stuff.

- General Leia Organa time travels back to the Tantive IV at the start of ANH

Does General Leia try to resurrect the New Republic? Is her younger self aware of her? Does she steal a flotilla for herself and wage war on slavers/the order/politicians who blackballed her when she was younger? Maybe she sacrifices herself to take out the Death Star leaving her younger self more time to get the rebellion going?

LUKE AND LEIA RAISED AS JEDI

look, I'm not sure this request makes entirely sense within the sequel trilogy, but what would the far-reaching consequences be if Luke and Leia had been raised as Jedi? would they have had a relationship with their father's padawan? would Leia have noticed Snoke? would she have been tempted to go dark, or have gone dark, and what kind of impact would that have made on Luke? would he have felt as responsible as with her son, or would he have dragged her back the same as what he did with his father?

Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader (SWPT)

group: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker (SWPT)

Group: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (SWPT)

ALL: Robot Revolution

ALL: Different First Meeting - Captured by Slavers

SWPT: Force Ghost Qui-Gon trying to influence events

SWPT: Qui-Gon survives the battle with Maul

ALL: Time Travel

ALL: Space Florist AU

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Hyperspace test pilot AU

SETTING AU

(Space Florist, Space Privateers, Hyperspace Test Pilot, Robot Revolution)

Any of these sound great, and I love any of those with or without them being set in the Star Wars universe (but they could conceivably all be set there too!)

TIME TRAVEL

I like spontaneous time travel, or closed loops, or dimensional hopping, or going back into the past!person, or force ghosts influencing the past, or groundhog-day scenarios

DIFFERENT MEETING CAPTURED BY SLAVERS

-Yes, please. This could also be combined with space florists, space privateers, hyperspace test pilots or robot revolution, depending on who was captured and who freed them, and where this happened. What if Padme gave Anakin a letter of marque? or the opportunity to go to space pilot academy? what if Anakin started the robot revolution by trying to rescue Padme (or Obi-Wan?) from slavers? what if Padme gave Anakin (and Shmi) a flower business to manage after she was rescued by Anakin?

or maybe Padme is the one to rescue Anakin? and sets him up with her family's flower business because he has no other skills?

FORCE GHOST QUI-GON INFLUENCING THINGS; QUI-GON SURVIVES

Dude, wouldn't it be great if a force entity could tell them who the Sith in the senate was? I always thought so, and I'd think Anakin would appreciate Qui-Gon's help with both Obi-Wan and Padme too. Or simply with not, you know, going dark-- or successfully freeing all the slaves, and the clones, and Shmi and while we're at it a robot revolution would be cool too (or just one of these things, I'm simply very greedy :P)

Qui-Gon actually teaching Anakin the way of the force (and possibly doing something about Shmi) would be great, too. Or simply seeing the change alive!Qui-Gon had on future!Anakin

Gentleman Bastards

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Locke Lamora/Jean Tannen

ALL: All Characters Genderswapped

ALL: Ocean's 8 AU

ALL: Ocean's Eleven-esque heist

It'd be so cool. Jeanne Tannen, the big-hulked butch who could break Locke Lamora in half? Yes please. You could also swap every single character in the entire series--I'd love to read it. Would also read it as an Ocean's 8 Fusion, or an Ocean's Eleven-esque heist, or like, simply chilling out after canon things happened.

(Sadly I forgot I could request art, because this would be very awesome to look at, but I'm equally ecstatic about having actual descriptions of Locke being a little shit but also a woman.)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

primes And multiples of 8

oh Thank You this sure turned out to be a bunch of questions lol, what else is better for keeping occupied on go stupid sunday

2: Favorite book?

lbh i don’t have one 

3: Favorite fictional character?

oh god lmao i mean again when it comes to Favorite ___ i have no *real* answers but atm i keep just sitting here staring at the quant don’t i

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

even with the “i don’t have Favorite anything” factor even this is always like. my ass doesn’t know how to Not like, think up a good half dozen or more potential relationships or whatever and decide they’re all fun……im rarely like “wow even narrowed down to this one particular Media i live and die by this otp within it”…….boring answer but really like even if this was applied Just to some particular work where i’m [staring at a Fave] or whatever i still dunno if there’s anything where i’m not #about [multiple possible Relationships]

7: List 3 negative traits you have

ooh fantastic. let’s lump “Too: passive / avoidant / nonconfrontational” into one, rest in pieces u_u. #2 im a lil temperamental lmao like, bit too much sometimes. #3 despite number one there i also don’t have a world of restraint lmfao which is just like. how i be but can certainly be a downside sometimes

8: How does someone become important to you?

idk i virtually always meet ppl via Mutual Interest……my social sphere is mainly “friendly acquaintances” or whatever where it’s like i may or may not have talked to most of them in the past >[0.5 years]………just a process really of “we Keep Interacting” and “we like each other” lmao like. it’s both very not difficult and also. difficult lol

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

uhh not like there’s a strict analytical methodology here but i guess it’s like “hmm this person makes me p miserable / i do not even actually like having them in my life” lmao

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

ooh the “currently” Might make a Favorite question easier but i don’t even have Favorite Lyrics Currently lmao. it’s lucky if i’m even paying attention well enough to stuff to absorb the lyrics the first like dozen times i listen to a song and also i’m rarely like “oo Resonant” when it comes to lyrics anyway?? does it count if more than survive gets stuck in my head….even then it’s like. i always like the “of all the characters at school i am not the one who the story’s about” while Blatantly Being The Protagonist lmao b/c like…..idk i never like story structures where the protagonist is just like clearly kinda elevated like Obviously The Hero B/c They’re Better Than Everyone Around Them or something like more important / deserving than other people and i definitely find it harder to care about / connect with Protagonists / ~main characters~ who are treated like that. and obviously bmc is really not about that either lmao i appreciate that a lot

16: What is something you really want?

i think we can all agree our lives could be improved with money. also….in these times of covid…….. :| would want literal immunity for people……..april 2020……

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i mean damn see above like. got the Wish Tiers like “personal things re: myself in particular” and “for people i personally know / smaller stuff i care about” but like damn in this day and age especially it’d be like well, Humanity Not Being Destroyed is kinda a thing isn’t it. can’t have any slightly more fun wishes b/c these [systems] will be like [exists and affects everything horribly]

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

is it easy for anyone to get over!! i don’t have to deal with romantic heartbreak though which i guess is what it means. galaxy braining that issue lmfao

23: What do you want your future to be like?

man ties in with 16 and 17 but also like we sure exist under capitalism always don’t we, and it’s tricky when like “it would be nice to have a small personal apartment to live in wouldn’t it” is this fever dream for all of us. but it Would be nice. having the time and money for Making Food whenever you feel like, right. it’s always like “if i was in a situation where i could just bake something due to Feeling like it i’d probably be doing okay” lmao. love to have access to healthcare someday. it’s all like depressingly low standards that are also depressingly ~unrealistic~ lol like i do not Ponder the future much. i also don’t have like, longtime aspirations/dreams or even Not longtime ones so i can’t be like “would love to have a career in/doing ___” but also yknow im good with I Don’t Need A Dream Job, would just like jobs to be non-horrible and to have time to like, do shit on my own outside of that, b/c that’s what i like to do lol…..but then also it would be fun to like, one way or another, get to spend a lot of time putting effort into some kind of in-some-way-Collaborative Project / Endeavor and get to be really engaged. the idea of getting to be around multiple people who it’s fun to be around and it doesn’t feel super temporary is Wild like, intimidating to listen to “the bar song” b/c i’ll just cry after 3 seconds. also i just like to be around people like, used to think that being anxious and all i wouldn’t want to live in a city but probably the opposite’s true….yeah i like to have a space where i can be alone / unobserved but i also like to at any time be able to be Amongst ppl even if not interacting with them (and also im usually more relaxed interacting w/ strangers than ppl i know)…….but really i have no details i’m just fingers crossed that at any given time i’m more than a couple steps away from like the post about [body wearing the funniest hat you’ve ever seen] lmfao and like. would rather not die in a pandemic either

24: Have you ever met someone you never thought you’d become close to?

in an “and i was right” way, sure lol, but otherwise i don’t think so

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

it’s like Not Really But How Would I Know and yet i’m gonna kill everybody doing the shit just treating it like alternate myer-briggs types like delete your tweets 

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you? 

#selfcare idk. me passing out or making the effort of getting food? great to step outside and pet a cat i guess but also that’s just fun. i don’t have a real methodology or approach here either. is me reblogging ask memes to ask for attention / distraction self care? is Napping to reset the mood self care? you be the judge

32: If you could go back in time and re-live your life up to this point, knowing everything that you know now, would you make different decisions?

eh not really……tfw everything that is the way it is now including “knowing what you know now” is a result of everything having happened exactly the way it already did……..

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

i’m like Only surprised by it

40: What makes you feel confident?

thinking abt the tweet(?) which is like “when ur walking around in public pretend crazy in love is playing”……being around the lgbtqs obviously…..feeling able to Be Funny b/c like. that depends on the people i’m around too lol.

41: How do you show you care?

love languages……..uh i will do Favors. acts of service or whatever lol. i also like to give gifts. compliments??? idk it’s hard to judge this lmao i will cheer someone on, usually figuratively lol…….Liking A Tweet idk. an attempt was made

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

we need better sins. am i vainglorious for being opinionated / stubborn. "being not cishet” probably would be considered lust, and that’s a pretty important thing lmao. lust for life….the illicit sexual desire of being An Lgbtq…… i feel like i can be impatient, so i supposed that’s wrathfulness……hard to choose just one and yet again also. the list bites

47: What are you passionate about?

easily a lot of stuff that i find Engaging b/c i’m just sort of like that but i mean. easy answer is just: [interests]

48: Have you ever started to try learning about a subject only to realize it’s not something you enjoy?

not really……if i’m trying to learn something myself i probably had some level of “already knowing i like it to some degree” to even have the motivation in the first place

[chojin-cu-chulain]

Captain Starmaster 3010

**Content warning, and Trigger warning for suicide: Even though it is depicted as a fictional event even within the confines of the story, a character commits suicide. This isn’t to glorify it, but to show an in universe shocking twist in the fictional game, and because the character was experiencing an existential crisis. I apologize to any survivors, or loved ones of people who have committed suicide who might get offended**

The following is taken from a now deleted blog called “Games Addiction” run by a user calling themselves “OldHerbz” or Herbz for short that mostly specialized in the review of obscure video games from the 8 bit, and 16 bit eras occasionally going to into other types of games.

March 15, 2015: Yo Yo everybody it’s your boy Herbz here, and welcome to another installment of Games Addiction were I find old games no one’s heard about, and see if they’re Class 5 classics for Class 1 crud.

So today I was at the local flea market like always scoping out for new games when I saw a counter run by some old guy I had never seen before.

The counter had a bunch of games I had seen before like sports games, shooters, Zelda 2, etc but there was this one Sega Genesis cartridge that caught my eye.

It didn’t have a sticker on it just a piece of white tape with the words “Starmaster” written on it.

I thought it sound like a spaceship shooter like Raiden or R Type, so I asked the man running the counter, and he said it was $5 so I poneyed up the cash and bought it.

So, let’s see how this game plays shall we?

So, we got the usual stuff like “Licensed by Sega of America”, and some logos from a company called Cytek or something that I never heard of before, but the copyright stuff says 1990.

Now there’s a shot of the Earth in outer space, and some white text crawling up.

The text says “Earth: the year 2010. War, and pollution have taken their toll on the Earth, and it cannot continue to support human life.”

We see what looks like a futuristic city with some flashing explosions, Then the screen goes white, and when it clears the city is in ruins

There’s a clip of some scientists working in a lab which pans to show this giant spaceship that looks like some giant tower poking out of a flying saucer

“The surviving governments of the world have decided to put aside their differences just once to come together to combine their collective intellect to create a space colony called the Eden”

there are some guards in futuristic military clothes leading a crowd of faceless people into ramp that leads into the ship.

“The Eden will take a small 10, 000,000-person population into space in the hopes that someday when the effects of man’s ravaging of the planet undo themselves man can return to his home.”

It goes back to Earth in space only now it looks all weird, and alien, and post-apocalyptic, and all that stuff

“The year is now 3010, Scientists on the Eden have determined that the Earth is once again fit for human inhabitation but there is one problem:

In the intervening millennium Earth has been overrun with dangerous, and carnivorous life forms.”

We see a bunch of weird looking monsters the most normal looking ones I can think of look like some humanoid mammal monsters with claws, and slanted eyes but even then they have horns coming out of their elbows, their arms are held out like a mantis’s, and their walking like their sitting down.

The weirder ones look like flying blobs or lizards with what look like moaning human faces, or they look like something out of an old episode of Star Trek.

Then one of these monsters looks directly at the player, and slashes at the screen leaving these white claw marks

“The only hope for humanity is to send down the Eden’s greatest, and bravest soldier Captain Starmaster down to Earth to eliminate the predatory mutants so mankind can reclaim the Earth.”

We see some guy step out of the darkness, and he looks like something out of VR Troopers or Ropcop with this white or silver armor, a black visor, and all sorts of glowing lights on him.

All the while there’s this bad ass sounding super heroic music playing.

“Captain Starmaster is equipped with the most powerful, and deadly weapons in human history as well as various tools which can help him explore any terrain no matter how treacherous”

Now there’s a POW show that looks life your typical red screen with techno crap all over including a target.

Next, we see Captain Starmaster firing some futuristic machine gun that shoots lasers.

We then see the various monsters from earlier being hit and blown up by the lasers in the most PG rated way humanly possible.

Then it shows Captain Starmaster, and the title screen shows up in these futuristic silver letters that say “Captain Starmaster 3010”

There’s a thing that says, “Start Game”, and another that says “Menu”

I go down to “Menu” first, and hit start, and it shows the usual stuff like Passwords, Dificulty, Music all that Jazz.

Anyway, on to the actual game itself I go up, and hit start game

The first level seems to rocky mountain level.

A green text box with a red orb of light next to it shows up.

The text box reads “Captain Starmaster this is Eden do you read us?’

Then the red orb is replaced with a picture of Captain Starmaster’s face.

He says “I read you. My goodness it’s worse than we thought”.

The Red orb replies “Starmaster we need you to clear out all the mutants in this area. We are sending you a Sonic Wave Gun, and some Climbing Claws to help you with your mission.”

Starmaster than says “Understood Eden commencing mission”

The red orb replies with “Good Luck Captain you are only hope”

The game itself seems to be some Metroid knock off.

I don’t think Sega had too many of those except for Slime World but they did have a lot of Mario, and Zelda clones.

The controls are pretty simple you use the D Pad to move around, A jumps, B fires your weapon which is the laser machine gun from the cutscene Start pauses, and C brings up a menu where you equip weapons, and gear which is blank for now.

I move around the level there’s all sorts of weird flying turtle monsters with Xenomorph looking teeth, and rocks that look like they’re part of the background but then when you get too close, they turn out to be some centipede looking creatures.

Eventually I get to some futuristic white pods I can go into.

When I do Starmaster glows green, and a text box says, “You now have Climbing Claws”, and “You now have Sonic Wave Gun”.

When I go to the cliffs, I can now climb up them, and when I switch to the Sonic Wave gun Starmaster’s gun now shoots this yellow wave at enemies that can shatter certain rocks so I can move forward.

After what seems like forever I finally get to the boss.

It looks like some weird mix of a gorilla, and a mole on top but the bottom looks like an earth worm or a snake.

It attacks by shooting its own wave attack, and then launching a couple of rocks that attack the player in some circular motion.

It takes me forever but eventually I find out you supposed to hit the monster’s eyes until some green jewel like orb shows up on its stomach, and fire at it.

Eventually I win, and the monster explodes in typical 16-bit fire effects.

That’s all for now but tommorow I’ll get to the other levels.

I’ll try to be as brief as I can with the next few levels.

So now we have a forest level.

The trees are a mix of the kind you’d see in a forest in California, the kind you’d find in the jungle.

Some of them have seeds that look like angry faces with sharp teeth, and move around with spider leg like roots, and attack by waving their branches around like whips.

Some of the monsters look like a cross between a wild cat, and some bug like a termite or a wasp.

I’m supposed to get a weapon called “Homing Sniper”, and an item called “Wood Saw”

The homing Sniper ends up being some blue laser that locks on to enemies in an L shape, and the wood saw clears trees you can’t get past.

The boss is weird I don’t know if it’s one creature or two.

The top part looks like some yellow, and black insect with dragon fly like wings, spider eyes, and a grasshopper like body while the bottom looks like some tumble weed with a billion purple eyes, and these giant white, and red flowers that shoot lasers.

I find out the weak spot is the wings, and the tumble weed part, and move on.

Next is an ice level with these creatures that look giant balls of fur with teeth and tentacles, and giant sea urchins that look like they’re made of ice.

I get these boots that let you walk on ice without slipping, and a flame thrower for melting blocks.

The boss is some weird lizard creature that looks like a brontosaurus with a turtle shell, and a t rex head that breaths freezing mist, and shoots lasers out it’s eyes that I have to shoot the neck of when it’s not attacking.

Next is volcano level where I get a heat shield, and an ice beam.

Some of the monsters here are weird looking like these green blobs that turn into humanoid shapes, and some hoping stick insects that fire spread shots.

The boss reminds me of Gudis from Ultraman towards the future only skinnier, and purple.

It attacks with these blue energy rings, and this green gas.

I’m supposed to use the freeze ray to freeze the gas into a platform that I can use to climb and use my other weapons to attack the exposed brain which is the weak spot.

Now it’s a water level there’s all these weird monsters that look like a cross between a crab or a lobster, and some coral.

Another looks like some squid or octopus, but its tentacles are electric eels

I’m supposed to get an item that allows Starmaster to move through the water without sinking, and an “Electro Gun” that fires electricity in a weird trident formation.

I get to the boss, and it’s some cross between a shark, a whale, a manta ray, and a bunch of other sea animals.

The weirdest thing is that sometimes it points itself up, and the bottom which is now the front looks like some deformed mermaid or something.

I’m supposed to hit this angle like tail it has when it goes to the mermaid stage.

After that I get another cutscene where the red orb of light says “Captain Starmaster we believe we have found your last target enter the ruins, and eliminate the mutant menace once and for all”

Starmaster replies “Affirmative Eden I will not fail”.

The next level is a sewer level they bring back some of the monster from previous levels and include some of the monsters from the opening cutscene.

It also seems like a final exam level because I’m supposed to use all the weapons, and items I collected so far.

I also have to get one last time that lets Starmaster go through radiation clouds without getting hurt, and this thing called “The Super Laser” that’s this big laser that takes up a third of the screen.

Not only that but I have to fight the bosses again.

Then I get another section and it looks like the surface of the ruined city from the opening cut scene.

I fight all the various monsters until eventually I get to the final boss.

I’m trying to think of a good way to describe it other than it’s like a PG rated version of something you’d see in John Carpenter’s The Thing.

It’s got four legs, and four arms, it has insect wings, and bird wings.

The legs look like a mix of reptile, and mammal.

I think has fins, and gills, and it has some weird mollusk like head with a billion eyes, and some melting looking human face for a stomach.

It’s not surprisingly the hardest boss in the game since you have to use every weapon in the game to hurt it.

It swipes at you with its arms that your supposed to freeze into platforms to climb and shoot the head.

Then it fires lasers and breaths fire, and you’re supposed to use the electro gun, and homing sniper on the head.

Next it spits acid, and you’re supposed to use the Sonic Wave gun to disorient it while you use the flame thrower on its acid sacs.

Finally, it fires a wave attack from the melting face while you use the super laser to finish it off.

At last we get one final cutscene.

Captain Starmaster then walks through the ruins of the destroyed city and enters a building.

He walks up to a computer, and a spike comes out of his arm like in Robocop and he enters it into a port.

Some binary code flashes on the monitor, and then we see an image of a man in a recording.

Some text appears on the screen.

“They abandoned us. They thought no one else was left on this planet but we were”.

The man continues “Please if you can hear us there are still people trapped on Earth. Pleas rescue us”.

The recording continues “It’s no use we’re stuck here our best bet is to try to survive, and repair what’s left of the Earth”.

Then the recording shows the man only now his teeth looked like fangs, and his eyes were all yellow.

The man said “It’s too late. Our scienitsts say because of all the lingering chemicals, and radiation those of us left behind are starting to mutate.”

He adds “At first it will be physical but at some point, our minds will revert back to knowing only how to kill or be killed. Oh god why us.

Then finally it just shows one of the monsters from the game, and the text now says “Meat. I must have meat”. Then it shows him roaring, and it plays the sound file for the monsters roaring.

Starmaster then asks, “Did you see that Eden?”

Then the red orb of light appears and replies “unfortunately yes captain”.

Then it flashes back to the Eden leaving Earth.

Then it shows a still image of people on the Eden as the text says “At first when humanity left Earth in the Eden everything was peaceful, and everyone was happy”

Then it shows the people looking frightened.

The text says “But it didn’t last the survivors realized they weren’t enough resources to survive a permanent existence in Eden”

Then it shows Eden’s computers, and the inhabitants looking at the Eden’s robotic workers.

The text now says, “Faced with a difficult decision the survivors made the hardest choice they could make”.

It then shows the people in tubes next to computers with glowing lights, and then cut to the lights on the eyes of the Eden’s robots lighting up

The text continues “The inhabitants of Eden downloaded their brains into the ship’s computers, and then uploaded them into robotic bodies.”

It then cut back to Starmaster in the building saying “So that’s it. It was all for nothing”.

Then it shows Starmaster taking off his helmet to reveal a Terminator like robot skull.

Next Starmaster reaches into his own chest plate pulls out a device that looks like a cross between a mechanical heart, and a miniature nuclear reactor, and crushes.

Then his red eyes go dead.

Next, we see the Eden land, and its robotic inhabitants walk out.

We see the robots doing experiments on the mutants.

The text says “Unfortunately the inhabitants of Eden were unable to return the mutants to human form but they after continuous experimentations were able to restore the inhabitants’ sentience.

Then it shows the robots growing mutants in tube, and then showed them going back into the mind transference machines.

Then it shows the mutants in the tubes waking up, and it showed the robots, and mutants living in harmony.

Then the text says “And so the sad tale of Captain Starmaster came to a happy end. Humanity maybe extinct but life will find a way to continue who knows for sure if this is truly the fate that awaits us but if we continue on our current path it might”.

Then it shows the Earth in space again with the letters Game Over The End.

Well that’s Captain Starmaster.

The graphics are great for the time.

The gameplay is awesome.

I wonder why they never released it publicly other than obviously the big twist would have been seen as a bit too intense for young kids.

Not to mention I can’t help that a lot of players would have thought the twist would seem like a fuck you ism to them.

Still considering that environmentalism was a big deal back then, and this was just before the USSR ended, I can see why they felt the need to make a point on what the aftermath of war and pollution.

That is why I’m declaring Captain Starmaster a class 5 addicting game.

This is OldHerbz saying stay addicted.

[phoenixshaman]

Super-post: Humans, Aliens, & Space

I dig all these ‘Humans are weird’, ‘Humans are space Orks’ ‘Earth could kick alien butt’ ‘Human-Steve’ type posts, and I see so many awesome variant threads that I wanted to try and put as many as possible in one place.

This has been a bit of a labour of love (and although I probably missed a few I have re-bloged before, and there are probably versions I have yet to see) I have attempted to curate and merge the various splinter threads into a whole (and have for the sake of length taken out some of the replies that were just saying how cool it is). This post includes: “Humans are weird”, “Human-Steve”, “You want a human”, & “They weren’t counting on bears.”, among others.

Enjoy -PhoenixShaman

arcticfoxbear:

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.

arafaelkestra:

To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.

crazy-pages:

Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”

Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”

Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”

Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.”

Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”

Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”

Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”

Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.”

Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.”

val-tashoth:

“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.”

“What, the molten rock?”

“Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–”

“You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?”

“Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”

wuestenratte:

Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.

the-grand-author:

“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?”

“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”

“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”

“… well, actually…”

“… what?”

“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”

“…”

“…”

“…what?”

“we sent-”

“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”

“y-yeah”

“and they didn’t… die?”

“Well the first few did”

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”

arcticfoxbear:

My new favorite Humans are Weird quote

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”

aka The History of Russia

aka Arctic Exploration

aka The History of Alaska

unicornempire:

Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:

1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.

2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)

3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.

4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)

5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.

otherwise-called-squidpope:

“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?”

“Those worthless rocks? Yeah.”

“80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”

insane-male-alphabeticalsymbol:

This would be an interesting read if this was a book.

Like, an alien invasion is about to start and the book is a chronicle of how the aliens couldn’t handle both humans in general and the range of environments and ended up being destroyed through the eyes of one of the aliens.

Like a caption from the book would be something like

“So we sent a recon team to this place called Russia, but all we’ve heard back thus far is about the temperatures, giant monsters with fur the humans call “Bears”, and that once again, we have been reminded of how heavily well armed almost ever human settlement is.

Thus far we have lost more than a good chunk of our forces through experiments gone wrong, unsuccessful fire fights, and above all else, the humans seem to be more worried about these strange variation of their species calling themselves “Clowns”.

I don’t know what a Clown is, but sounds as if it is the dominant faction of this planet, and considering we only just found out humans practically poison themselves with this thing called beer and only get stronger and more violent, I don’t ever want to encounter such a being.

I believe this invasion was a mistake.“

elidyce:

I’ve been reading a bunch of these and all I can think about now is aliens finding out about our insane ability to walk away from accidents.

“Human Colony SDO435**, this is Gxanimi survey vessel 3489. We regret that we must inform you that the wreckage of your ship ‘Gecko Flyer’ has just been detected on planet F56=K=. We offer expressions of sympathy for this catastrophe.”

“Shit, thanks for telling us, we’ll be right there.”

“Why?”

“To find our people, of course.”

“… you wish to retrieve the corpses for your traditional death rituals, of course, we understand. We have sent the coordinates.”

“What do you mean, bodies? No survivors at all? There must be some.”

“Official mouthpiece of Human Colony SDO435**, the ship has crashed. It has impacted the planet’s surface at speed. Moreover, this might have happened as much as five vek ago. We do not understand why you speak of ‘survivors’.”

“Oh, there’ll be survivors. There always are.”

“(closes hyperspace voicelink) How sad that they are unable to accept the reality of their loss.”

*

“Hey, Gxanimi survey vessel 3489, thanks for letting us know about the Gecko Flyer. More than half the crew made it!”

“Made what?”

“They survived! A couple of lost limbs and so on, but they’ll be fine.”

“… but that vessel was destroyed! Images have been examined!”

“Oh, well, everyone in the fore-below compartment was crushed, obviously, but the others made it out.”

“… but the crash was vek ago! Excuse we… at least eighty of your ‘days’! How could they survive without a ship? Without shelter and supplies?”

“Well, the wreckage gave them some shelter, and of course the emergency supplies kept them going until they could start growing stuff. It’s actually a nice little planet, they said. Quite a lot of edible flora and fauna. T-shirt weather, in summer, too.”

“What is… t-shirt weather?”

“Oh, you know, when it’s comfortable to go around with only modesty covering over the epidermis. Exposed limbs.”

“That planet is so cold that even water solidifies in its atmosphere!”

“Well, in winter, obviously. But we like that. Listen, our people have been raising crops down there, and that’s usually how we rule a planet as ‘colonized’…. is anyone else using it, or can we call it?”

“Er… we have claimed the warmer planets in the system, but we believe we could come to some arrangement.”

*

It was really nice, the humans thought, how carefully most of the aliens kept an eye out for downed ships after that, once they found out that humans tended to survive anything less than explosive decompression or… well, explosions generally. They’d immediately inform the nearest outpost of a wreck’s location, or even ship survivors back themselves. It was very thoughtful.

They didn’t find out until a long time later that the Gxanimi had put out the word to every species they were in contact with. It was vital that everyone knew the things they had learned about humans after that first encounter.

1. Humans can literally walk away from an impact that renders a space-worthy hull so much scrap and would have actually liquefied a Gxanimi.

2. Humans will eat just about anything not immediately fatal to them - including, in extremis, the corpses of their dead crewmates. In fact, most human vessels keep a list of those willing to be eaten and those whose socio-religious scruples forbid it. They have a ridiculously high tolerance for dangerous substances, and if they can breathe on a planet they can probably eat something on it too. They also have something they call the ‘Watney Protocol’, which requires them to carry live soil samples, seeds, and simple tools that will allow them to start farming their own native foodstuffs on any remotely habitable planet immediately in the event of an accident.

3. Once they’ve farmed a planet, they bond with it. They’ll be polite, but it’ll take significant effort to get rid of them even so.

Conclusion: If a human ship crashes on a planet you like and want to keep, get other humans to come and get them immediately. Remove them yourself if you have to. Even the worst crash can result in a thriving colony in a few vek.

And don’t, for the love of gravitational regularity, try to solve that problem by killing off the survivors. Just don’t. It won’t work and it just makes all the rest of them mad.

roachpatrol:

if any humans spill on your planet, make sure to scrape them up real fast and repackage them or you’ll never get them out.

burntcopper:

‘But surely you have records of volcanic activity doing tremendous damage to human settlements.’

‘Yep.  Pompeii is legendary.  Entire cities went. Towns buried under lava, peoples’ brains boiled in the first rush of heat, loads more killed by falling pumice.’

‘ah, good, they learned their lesson and didn’t build there again.’

‘…well…’

‘Are you seriously telling me this volcano is legendary for killing several urban conurbations and you built on top of it AGAIN?’

‘In our defence it hasn’t actually done it since.’

‘What about earthquake-prone areas? Tell me you’re at least vaguely sensible about those.’

‘Oh yeah.  After the first major earthquake that flattens a city, we build them better.’

intotheshadows123:

alien: people died of the cold and your solution was to send more people

human:

kaldicuct:

Alien - Ok, so tell me about war.

Human - Ok - lists everything from the 300 Spartans to possible WW3 -

Alien - So who are these people fighting in a square and a caged circle?

Human - Those are sports fighters.

Alien - You fight each other for fun?

Human - Yes.

Alien - WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THESE WARS!? THAT WOULD EXPLAIN IT!

Human - Well there’s the geneva convention. - explains what it is -

Alien - YOU BANNED WEAPONS OF WAR BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO EFFECTIVE!?

Human - It’s like cheating.

Alien - AT WAR!?!? WHERE YOU ACTIVE GOAL IS TO KILL EACH OTHER!? YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT CHEATING!?

Human -…………………..

Alien - What?

Human - Nothing.

Alien - No, what? There’s something else isn’t there?

Human - Nukes are not technically banned under the convention.

divine-valley:

Human: All this celebration needs is some booze

Alien: some what now?

Human: Booze. Alcoholic drinks.

Alien: What is alcohol?

Human: Ethanol.  C2H6O

Alien: wait, isn’t that the stuff your people use as disinfectant?

Human: yup.

Alien: and a fuel additive?

Human: yup.

Alien: Isn’t that a poison!?

Human: well yeah, but it’s watered down when we drink it.

Alien: !?

weirdotwins:

So what about the fact that humans can take so much abuse to the body and miraculously survive

Alien: So let me just review: You have records of people surviving fatal wounds commonly…

Human: Uh-huh.

Alien: And some of these stories include stab wounds to the brain…

Human: Oh, yeah, all the time.

Alien:….and then…surviving and even improving from crippling injuries or brain damage…

Human: Those are some of the truly strong ones, that.

Alien: Yes…indeed…………………………………………………

Human: What? What is it?

Alien: It’s just…..well………we had heard….rumors….

Human: Of?

Alien: It’s nothing. They’re false, they must be! Humans coming back from the dead–it’s funny really!

Human: o-o……………..

Alien: You must be joking.

Human: UM………WELL…….

Alien: TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING. PLEASE.

Human: *patting the alien sympathetically* I’m…sorry?

Alien: *slams head on table. Done*

---

rustfoxes:

More “wtf are humans, please leave the rest of us be” stuff:

Human reactions to fear!

No, I’m not talking about screaming or freezing in one spot and pissing yourself. I’m talking about the weirder, more specific-to-only-humans fear reactions.

Like singing.

Idk how many of you have watched people play horror video games, but a surprising amount of people start narrating what’s going on in a sing-song voice.

Imagine being an alien, walking in a horrific, dark tunnel with these weird gangly creatures, you’re all scared out of your wits and then one of them starts fucking singing.

In a dark cave. While everyone’s terrified.

“ ♫ ~We are all gonna fucking die, this is terrible and I wanna go hooooome~ ♬ ”

---

radioactivepeasant:

It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.

I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?

And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.

And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”

Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”

“Why?!”

“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”

And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.

adrenaline-revolver:

“Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans.”

“Why? Are they more aggressive than we anticipated?”

“It seems to be the opposite Commander. Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when attempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world. Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a “mean kitty” and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed. I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy’s fauna.”

“I see what you mean. So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer. And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these “puppies” so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated.

radioactivepeasant:

Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic

talkingbirdguy:

Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone.

beka-tiddalik:

“So I hear that you’ve just recruited a human for your ship.”

“Yes, it’s the first time that I’ve worked with these species, but they come highly recommended. Say, you’ve worked with a few, what tips can you give me? I’d hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding if it’s avoidable.”

“The first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m serious. Don’t do it. Things. Happen.”

“But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that every crew should have at least one on board?”

“Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent innovators, and are psychologically very resilient. If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member. Their ability to get on with almost any species is legendary.”

“But Toks, didn’t you just say…”

“The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything. If you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into. It was sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him.”

“Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pixia?”

“The very same. Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don’t even get me started on that one time with the Dunlip. Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it. As a pet.”

“A Dunlip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun?”

“Yup. Don’t leave your humans unsupervised.”

“I’ll uh, take that under advisement.”

skeletonmug:

“Commander, we have a problem with Human-Kim they’ve formed a bond again.”

“Lieutenant Riv, I expressly ordered that that Human-Kim is not allowed to interact with other creatures without supervision. Not after the Crown Prince incident.”

“That’s the problem Commander, it’s not a creature. We don’t let any creatures other than the “kitty” in to their quarters.”

“I don’t understand then Lieutenant. IS there some issue with the Kitty?”

“No no, not Kitty”.

“What then. Out with it!”

Lieutenant Riv sighs and stares fixedly at the floor, not daring to meet the Commander’s fore-eye

“Human-Kim appears to have bonded with … They’ve created an affectionate bond to the mobile waste unit.” the last words came out in a rush.

“What?! How is this possible! It’s a machine!”

“Sir, it seams we underestimated their talent for anthropomorphisation. Apparently the buttons are, and I’m quoting here Sir, cute.”

krabbydon:

“How was your visit to the human flagshi - sweet orbs, you’re wounded.”

“Yes, Ma'am. Only lightly, Ma'am.”

“Were you attacked? This is an outrage - ”

“Please, Ma'am, stand down. It was just a brief encounter with - ”

“A duel?”

“- if you’ll let me finish, Ma'am, with Admiral Stabby. Here’s a hologram.”

“… Hyperempathy is a menace to the galaxy.”

---

sepulchritude:

on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer” species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba™ with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship

it doesn’t have any special intelligence. it’s just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don’t have knives. it’s just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talking and then suddenly swear and clutch their ankle. knife space roomba putters off, leaving them to their mild stab wounds.

“what is the point?” asks the alien as another crew member casually steps over the knife-wielding robot. “is it to test your speed and agility?”

“no it doesn’t really go that fast,” replies the captain.

“does it teach you to stay ever-vigilant?”

“I mean I guess so but that’s more of a side effect.”

“does it weed out the weak? does it protect you from invaders? do repeated stabbings let your species heal more quickly in the future?”

“it doesn’t stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool — someone write that down.”

“but then what is its purpose?”

“I don’t know,” the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. “it just seemed cool”

---

heedra:

Important alien/fantasy race design question: “what are their monkeys?”

As humans, we have evidence of offshoot of our close evolutionary relations running around all over the place-what would this look like for other species on different planets? They’re likely to have the same kind of thing happening in some form or another.

steeplewack:

Also important: If humans come in contact with this alien/fantasy species, does confusion arise over the “monkey equivalents” being more humanoid than the actual communicative species? Do human ambassadors cause huge disruption when they try to hold conversations with animals on the side of the road.

---

dendritic-trees:

for a Humans are Weird story.

So human babies REALLY need to be touched. Its totally critical for development. Small babies can literally die if you don’t cuddle them enough.

But imagine that the aliens are more like reptiles, in that they just sort of hatch and their parents feed them or stay around (and presumably, like, educate them, since they’re intelligent aliens), but don’t carry them around or cuddle in the same way.

So one of them gets stuck with a human baby that they’re responsible for and of course, they go ask a xenobiologist or someone ‘what do you do for a human baby, they’re all weird and squishy’.

And the scientist says: well, you have to stroke them. Like actually pick them up and stroke their skin.

Why, says the alien, what could that possibly accomplish. Does it make their skin tougher. Will they grow proper scales.

No, no, that’s just what human skin is like, you just… you have stroke them or they won’t grow right. They get a stroking-deficiency and can die.

elidyce:

Suddenly our obsession with petting everything makes sense to them.

“Why do they ask to pet our fur? Why do they touch every animal we find? Humans are so strange!”

“No, no, Pod Leader, we have discovered the reason for this. Humans require tactile contact for health. Their young will actually die without frequent touchings of skin, Even as adults, their health deteriorates if they are isolated from touch. Human Technical Adjunct Rupert is trying to nurture us and preserve our healthfulness with this touching they offer.”

“… they actually believe that touching our fur with their grubby paws is healthful?”

“For humans, Pod Leader, it is.A little unsanitary, we are understanding the reservations, but it is kindly meant. We think it is actually very nice of Human Technical Adjunct Rupert to be so concerned with our healthfulness.”

“We are still not sure we believe this. That sounds like a weak attempt at deceit to us.”

“Let us show you this vid of humans nurturing their young, it is very instructive.”

Some time later, Human Technical Adjunct Rupert is bewildered but pleased to find that fur-petting is now encouraged provided they have washed their paws. This seems reasonable to Human Technical Adjunct Rupert.

---

sepulchritude:

my fav trope is like, nonhuman characters not understanding human needs/customs but still being super supportive of their human companion

“look what I found while exploring this planet’s surface!” “kilrak please I’m trying to sleep” “ah yes your human circadian rhythm. *stage whispering* I am supposed to be quiet during this time in your rhythm, yes?”

“the book I purchased on ragnok V says humans require physical touch when upset. therefore, I shall engage in a ‘hug’ with you.” *supremely awkward five-armed hug ensues*

*human sneezes* “OH MY GOD SIL'EEN GET THE MEDIC OUR HUMAN IS DYING”

“this pamphlet I received recently says that humans require companions and packmates in the form of small earth creatures. you should have told me this before we departed earth, but it is no worry. we will have to stop at the next trade planet to get you one of these ‘cats’ or ‘dogs’.”

agentquinn:

imagine the aliens really purchasing a kitten for one of their rough and world-weary scifi badass human companions and watching in helpless wonderment what ensues

“she’s been cuddling that small animal for the past fifteen minutes just going ‘kitty, kitty’. did we - did we break our human?”

a more seasoned alien puts one of their tentacles around the younger one as the rest of the team gathers to watch their human make kissy noises.

“no, kilrak,” the alien says. “we did good.”

frowningfoxbones:

“Human-Steve! I have heard that today is the anniversary of your hatching! According to my human culture pamphlet, it is customary to set a sugary pastry on fire while chanting your species’ growth incantation and presenting sacrifices wrapped in shiny paper. I am afraid to ask, in case this ritual is sacred and this request therefor insensitive… but may I be allowed to participate? It sounds much more fascinating than molting.”

anexperimentallife:

“Human Steve, I have read about your ritual dance called ‘The Hokey Pokey,’ performed mostly at mate-bonding celebrations after the guests reach an elevated level of intoxication. But Human Steve, how do I know WHICH left foot to put in, put out, and shake all about? I do not… Human Steve, why are you laughing?”

captainarwenpond221b:

“Human-Steve, you are… you are eating, but it is not one of your ritual fueling times. Are you dying? Is everything alright? Have you not been receiving enough sustenance? Do I need to get you better things to eat? Human-Steve, why are you trying to hide that food?”

rinneavicula:

“Human-Steve, my research has informed me of a grave oversight in your care that I, as your companion, have made! Thus, I have gathered collections of fictional human literature to read aloud at the time of your bed. Which is more to your liking: “The Care and Keeping of Cacti” or “1001 Crossword Puzzles?” Human-Steve? Human-Steve, I am serious.“

himchankimchije:

One of the things I love the most about this post is how “Human-Steve” makes me think that there is also an alien called Steve in the squad, and I just imagine the first meeting and introduction where there is the human guy introducing himself as Steve and then there is this huge blue guy with like 5 legs and bug eyes and apparently Steve is like a completely regular name on his planet too in some intergalactical coincidence

that was off topic sorry.

---

just-a-kind-of-magic:

Imagine being a human in an alien crew in space and leaving with bright blue or pink hair and the color fades and everybody on board wonders WHY you are losing your colors??? Is it the lack of greens? Are you sad? Angry? They just don’t know??

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

“HUMAN BIOLOGY IS BAFFLING”

---

katy-l-wood:

You know, in all those “humans are the creepy/fucked up alien species” posts I can’t believe we haven’t touched on organ donation yet.

When they heard that the human general had fallen ill to a disease of the organ known as the liver the troops began to hope that it might turn the tide of the war. Research indicated that such diseases could be fatal after all. The organ did something similar to the flagulaxin in that it filtered out toxins so when it stopped functioning the human would slowly be poisoned to death by his own body. Or so they believed.

But then he came back.

A foot soldier was captured and answers demanded. Was it a medication? Had the sickeness been a ruse to fool them?

“Nah, man. This kid on a motorcycle wiped out on the I9 freeway so they gave the general his liver since they were a match.”

“They…what?”

“They gave him his liver. The kid was dead, and he was an organ donor. And he was a genetic match to the general.”

“They…cut the liver out of one of your young and placed it in an elder and it…worked?”

“I mean, he wasn’t that young. Mid twenties or something. But yeah, that’s essentially it.”

The interrogator and his assistant both regurgitated their most recent meal and ran from the room. Living in places like the “Australia” were one thing, but taking the organs of dead bodies and placing them in the living? What was WRONG with this species?

jewishdragon:

No wait make it better. A living person can donate a piece of their liver! It doesn’t have to be a dead person.

“You killed one of your own to replace the broken part of the higher ranking human?”

“No of course only a small piece of a one was needed to replace the general’s bad one”

“Who got the bad one?”

“No one! it was thrown away”

“Someone, gave a piece of their organ to someone else to use??? And they both lived???”

“Yeah”

official-data:

But what if the aliens were like salamanders who can naturally regenerate damaged body parts? And when they find out humans lack that ability they think “We have an advantage over them” then to their shock they discover that we’ve come up with work-arounds for that lack. Also prosthetic limbs. “Wait … You’re telling me that you can’t regrow your leg … So you just BUILD one?!”

stephendann:

Trying to describe a human to a species that had never met one was getting increasingly difficult.  To start with, they seemed to exist in every possible state - solid, liquid, gas and crystaline. A core calcium infrastructure with a porous organic compound layered over it, through which fluid and gas travelled under the regulation  of a range of organic pipework, pumps and processing plants, all coated in a renewable organic surface layer. That was weird enough.

Then came the discovery that the human was semi-modular.  Component fluids could be swapped out and substituted - humanity had built some form of external versions of a range of the organic pumps and processors, and had manual, automatic and remotely operated variants of their core pump processor (the heart).  Internal parts could be exchanged, or replaced with suitable originals.  Something about needing genuine human compatible parts, known as donor organs, and the voluntary post-life nature of these donations seemed ineffective to many observer species, and postively horrifying to those who held the sanctity of the post-life body. Considering a fallen comrade as an accessible source of component parts was just beyond the pale, and to have an proactive harvesting regime was just unbelievable. What was wrong with these creatures that death should be rejected to such an extent that they would become hybrids of dead and living creatures? Did they think death would bypass them, thinking the component part they carried was already ticked off some post-life database, thus granting them an immunity card in the eternal island vote?

Weirdly though, these quasi-modular humans could not be assembled from component parts. Even the human histories, insofar as the human documentation systems were trustworthy, indicated that efforts to construct a modular human from parts, pieces and high voltage was deemed unwise, and mostly only suitable to be remembered in October in ritual costumes.  That said, a human containing sufficient of their original parts could be restored from dead state with a sufficient electric discharge, leading many to suspect that the creatures existed in an energy state alongside their gas, liquid, solid, and crystal forms.

Then of course, was that very human approach to limb loss - construction of alternate limbs from non-human parts. Suffice to say, most sentient machine species are horrified by the process, and many machine worlds are refusing to acknowledge humans are real, and are starting to campaign against the continued discussion of these creatures as organic propaganda.

They may have a very valid point.  These things make no sense from a design specification standpoint.

---

cooltrees:

me: all our teeth fall out as children and then they all grow back stronger

alien: okay, i mean…that definitely sounds fake, but….okay.

aelfswithe:

We have extra organs we don’t need anymore, and sometimes they explode, and we have to cut them out.

agentsex:

Our babies have heads that are bigger than the birth canal. Sometimes the baby gets stuck inside, so we cut the mother open so that they don’t both die.

samcoxramblings:

Some of us can bleed for five days and not die

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

Some of us are born with both sets of genitals.

fleshwater:

Sometimes two to four of us are born at the same time and we look exactly alike

azzandra:

At some point, the aliens aren’t going to know anymore when we’re actually trolling them.

Us: Under certain circumstances, humans have been known to spontaneously develop the ability to breathe fire.

Alien: yeah, okay, that fits in with the other wacky bullshit you guys can do.

---

artaline:

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

dannydanuselessstuff:

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

cardozzza:

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

asgardreid:

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

ritavonbees:

Human: shots! shots! shots!

Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.

Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves

pikachu88898:

Human: *grabs a packet of ramen*

Alien: Based on my research of your species, you shouldn’t be able to consume that without suffering heavy detriment to your human body.

Human: …look man, I’m in college. I can barely afford this house with roommates. Let me appreciate this 50 cent block of sodium ridden noodles.

iwillnotshutup:

Alien 1: The human consumed this harmful “ramen” because it is affordable. I saw many others consuming unhealthy but affordable foodstuffs from a place called McDonalds. Based on this, I think we can reasonably assume that all foodstuffs that are unhealthy are also affordable, and that humans will slowly die off because of their economic system.

Alien 2: I visited a different land mass. There were several humans called “sushi chefs” preparing raw fish foodstuffs. The most expensive was made from the carcass of a poisonous blowfish. It was very popular among the wealthy humans.

Alien 3: The land I visited had no nearby places to engage in commerce to trade precooked food. I interviewed a family that trapped and killed animals for dinner. They ate venomous rattlesnakes.

Alien 1: *throws clipboard in the air and storms off*

a-cute-lil-octopus:

[Human casually munches peppers]

Alien: According to my scans, that organic matter contains highly corrosive chemicals. Are you sure you should be consuming it?

[Human chokes]

Alien: Human! Are you injured? Do you require assistance??

Human: Ahahaha no no I’m fine, it’s just *snicker* these are just jalapenos!

Alien: ……….request clarification?

Human: I usually go for habaneros, man. Hell, I have a buddy who took two bites of a ghost pepper on a dare.

[Alien consults space Google]

Human: ………Hey man, you okay?

---

roachpatrol:

my headcanon for startrek is that humans look, to vulcans, like a dog frathouse. like signing on to a human ship is exactly that thrillingly loud and frustrating and fast and stupid and fun. the humans are going to dash off to a new sector to see if there are friends there and then they will jump up and down with delight and stuff their faces up against their new friends’ genital array. the humans are going to bark for ten minutes at a rock. the humans want to chase things they can’t possibly catch just because they like running around. the humans are madly passionate about their arbitrary group identities. the humans can be divided into new arbitrary group identities which they will then be passionate about. the humans want to stick their heads out of the window of their starship and go ‘wheee!’. if you step on a human’s paw they will act like you just killed them for about thirty seconds and then want more headpats. the humans can be immediately distracted from crucial duties by the appearance of a small animal. if you howl all the humans in earshot will howl louder just to show off. a human just humped your leg. ‘don’t make it weird bro’ the human says. later the human will dig a weird bug out of the ground and eat it.

---

Humans are adorable.

teaboot:

Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks

---

youphoric:

humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars

---

audible-smiles:

the solar system is probably the most purely, simply fun exploratory experience humans will ever get to have, because there’s nobody there! there’s no colonialism and we don’t have to worry about aliens yet, so its just. fun!

we just land a robot on an empty planet and make it do wheelies and every few days we find like a cool rock and scientists yell about it on twitter

you-have-startled-the-witch:

it’s the tutorial levels

---

darkeyeddreamerr:

*blows kiss to space* for the 7 exoplanets orbiting Trappist-1

kivrinengle:

See, this is what old-timey science fiction never predicted - the human tendency to grow attached. They wrote stories of colonizing other worlds, of exploration and discovery. They didn’t write that four minutes after discovering new worlds, the humans had made up nicknames for them all, given them personalities, and were prepared to fight to the death for their honor.

Sometimes real life is better.

---

adamusprime:

if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff

like one human raises their thumb to another human

that’s good, humans like that

one human raises their middle finger to another human

humans do NOT LIKE THAT

humans think that is a BAD FINGER

don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me

any other finger is ok just not that one

ursulavernon:

Anthropology will be the hard elective in alien school.

fieldbears:

“Is the middle finger weaponized? Does it spray a venom perhaps”

“No, student Xeepzorp, it is frail and harmless like the others”

“Fascinating”

illustratedjai:

Okay, but like, that’s what you get in first year Anthro. When you make it to upper level courses, suddenly they’re like

“So you know how we told you about the middle finger being bad and the thumb being good? Well, that’s only true for some humans - some humans find the thumb just as bad as the middle finger! And some humans only get mad when you gesture with the first two fingers.”

“But teacher, there are so many photos of humans gesturing with their first two fingers! Are all these humans intentionally being mean to other humans?”

“Oh, no, those humans are making the good first two fingers gesture.”

---

flamingfoxninja

K so some of my favorite posts here are the “humans are weirder than aliens” ones, and I just thought of something tremendous

Background Music

Aliens have managed to advance because they hyper focus on everything they do, but are completely baffled by our ability to multitask. They are stunned that we listen to music when working, cause they would hyper focus on the music and nothing else. Or humans work on stuff while having on conversation and still know what the conversation is about even while half listening.

Imagine aliens not understanding the concept of short attention spans

---

hermionously

So you know those “aliens are confused by humans” posts on tumblr? I had the best idea ever

Humans find it endearing when baby animals try to nibble at their fingers or bite their hair, right? We find it absolutely adorable when kittens scratch at our hands trying to disembowel them or when chicks peck at our freckles trying to eat them.

So a group of aliens is preparing to welcome the first human crew-member aboard their ship, and they do a lot of preparatory research to make sure the humans feel comfortable. One of them finds out that humans find other creatures unsuccessfully trying to kill them and consume them endearing, somehow.

And so for the first week or so that the new human is onboard, they repeatedly stab it with blunt knives that can’t do any harm and shoot low-level phasers at them in an attempt to win the human’s love.

The human is very confused and worried until finally they explain it and then, predictably, the human does indeed find their attempts incredibly endearing, and keeps it a secret that that isn’t really the way it works.

Until the governor of Earth comes for a surprise visit and the human crew-member has to hurriedly notify them of the alien’s belief. The governor misunderstands and thinks it’s the aliens natural way of showing affection.

So it becomes common knowledge among humans that the aliens use unsuccessful murder attempts to show love, and the aliens believe humans enjoy unsuccessful murder attempts. It’s a rather odd system of showing affection, but it works. Even if it does drive up the minor-injury clinic visit rates significantly.

---

marlynnofmany

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

---

howlingguardian

Been seeing a lot of these Humans Are Space Orcs posts around- which is good, because I love them- and I started thinking: in sci-fi stories, humans in the future often have a bit of genetic engineering- like disease immunity or faster healing or even just a lack of body hair.

And I had a thought- what if that’s just us? What if we’re the only species to engineer ourselves like that? Imagine how freaked out they’d be;

“You’re telling me that you alter your own genetic code?”

Or take it a little further- we’re the only species to use vaccines. Every other race just toughed it out and evolved past it, but humans injected ourselves with weakened diseases to make ourselves stronger.

Or even further back, when people used to drink poison to gain an immunity- imagine that reaction:

“OH MY GROP THEY DRINK POISON TO GET STRONGER THAT’S IT FUCK THIS PLANET I’M OUTTA HERE”

---

thegrape-gatsby:

Another humans are weird space orcs idea because I really like thinking about it. What if aliens have no idea how to hide their emotions? Like, they suck at poker because they can never keep a straight face or anything. or, on a darker note, their ship is hijacked and they can’t keep the fear out of their faces, but all the humans look cold and emotionless to them. Other aliens hating having to bargain with humans becase we can bluff and keep our emotions in check so well, but when they get frustrated it’s all over. Pirates threaten the space ship and they send the human to do negotiations, and the pirate talking is super confused because no matter what threat he makes, the human just doesn’t seem to be fazed one bit.

Someone please, feel free to add to this, I love to see what else people come up with!

@space-australians

beka-tiddalik:

Okay, but now I’m thinking about how this ability is used in the context of animal training/hostage negotiation/teaching/customer service. Not just looking stone-faced, but completely lying with affect, body-language and vocal tone to seem calm, friendly, relaxed and in control of the situation in order to build rapport with an animal or person and to de-escalate aggression in a situation.

Proximity alarms start going off. A vessel is approaching.

Camilian: <looks at viewscreen> “Oh zark it, it’s the Parg.”

Egrat: <Dashes over> “Oh erting fraknabs, we’re dead.”

Human Crewmember:“The who?”

Camilian: <shudders>: “The Parg. Remember the civilisations living on those five planets Lei-ward of Helios 6?”

Human: “No? I thought that system was empty of sentient life.”

Camilian: “Exactly.”

Human: “…ah.” <looks at flashing lights on console> “They appear to be hailing us.”

<Camilian and Egrat scuttle backwards away from console.>

Human: “…thanks a bunch, guys.” <presses hail pick-up button> “This is Communications Officer Haley Makini of the Starboat Fribling, how may I help you?”

Parg ship: “This is Zek of Parg.”

Human: “Hello Zek! How are you feeling this day-cycle?”

Parg Ship: “…”

Human: “I for one have been missing my family lately, I got a vidcall from my little sister and my cousins - same-generation kin-people - and they told me that cousin Wendy is getting married to her girlfriend Mila, isn’t that nice? So I’m really hoping I can make it to the wedding - that’s romantic lifebond ceremony - because otherwise they’d all be sad, they told me so. Do you have any family - lifemates or brood or other kin-people back in your home-system Zek?”

Parg Ship: “…Zek of Parg has brood of five. All Smallings, but soon Biglings. Soon.”

Human: “Oh! You must be so proud of them!”

Parg Ship: “… Yah. Good future replacements for Parent-bodies for Glory of Parg.”

Human: “And that’s all any of us could want! Imagine how sad our kin would be if either of us were to fail to make it back home! That’s why I want to help your ship Zek, in any way we can. The Fribling is only a small ship, but we have some surplus goods and skills to offer if you need anything from us.”

<long pause>

<No one on board the Fribling speaks, but Egrat has anxiously chewed their claws to the quick>

Parg Ship: “Have Lucrum cable? Parg Ship underengine in poor condition, jury-rig not hold, need hitch-tow to Dellar System.”

Human: “Oh, that’s only 8 parsecs away. Sure, hah, we can manage that. No problem.”

<78 minutes later, after the two ships have been attached via Lucrum cable>

Parg Ship: “…What kind you?”

Human: “Huh? ….oh, I’m a human. I’m from Sol 3, Earth.”

Parg Ship: “… Parg remember this. Parg remember Haley Makini. Parg remember Human.”

Human: <blinks> “…thank you!”

<communication connection closes from Parg end>

<Human sinks to ground, hand on chest, hyperventilating slightly>

Human: “HolyfuckhowdidIpullthatoffohholyfuck!”

Camilian: “Wait, you were scared too?”

Human: <glaring> “Cam, we’ve worked together how long? I’d have thought that by now you’d trust my threat assessment abilities. Phew! That one was so close I felt the breeze going past.”

Egrat: “…how. How did you just do that?”

Human: “It’s not hard.  Stay calm, just keep smiling, and build rapport by pretending to care about their problems, and meanwhile showing that you’re a real thinking being. Tends to defuse situations rather than escalate them.”

Egrat: “…I think I saw what you did, but where did you learn how to do that?”

Human: “5 years customer service experience.”

---

iztarshi:

Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

flotsamandwhatnot:

That said- humans also quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance’s medical community.

If you want to survive, get a human.

If you want to keep that human in optimal functioning condition, get bribery or blackmail.

Many species, used to their own healing rates, do not know what to do when a human cuts their hand and then hardly sits still long enough to stop bleeding, let alone receive proper treatment. More serious issues?

If you would expect your typical patient to be bedridden for months, maybe even crippled, expect humans to be begging to be up and about within a few weeks. If you want them to keep down, then you’ll have more trouble.

Most interplanetary medical programs spend a disproportionately large period of time teaching how to deal with human super-healing. (Most students still panic the first time they come to a human patient and find them trying to leave instead of half-dead.)

jimcoffin:

Alien doctor leads a group of students into a recent patients hospital room. What they find is the patient struggling into their pants. They stop mid-struggle and stare at the doctor.

“I wasn’t…” And they fall over with a thud. “I’m ok!”

lianabrooks:

And they meet a human with a chronic illness and just kind of give up on Earthlings.

“You see, this one is dying. The body is breaking down at an extreme rate and you can see how the joints are already malfunctioning. But this human goes surfing every day because they say they like seeing sharks.”

A student raises its hand. “Shouldn’t the human be healing.”

The teacher nods both heads wisely. “We recommended this, but the human said the ocean was healing. We’re writing a grant proposal and hope to be able to do research on the healing properties of saltwater next year.”

brosequartz:

Humans also get a reputation for being pants-shittingly insane:

Humans want to go everywhere, you see that black hole? They’re trying to go in that to ‘explore’

Humans jump out of flying vehicles at heights that would most certainly kill them with only a piece of cloth strapped to them to save them, they do this for FUN

Conversely humans, a species that cannot survive without air, plunge themselves into the depths of their planet’s horrifying oceans until their bodies can’t take the pressure then they created vehicles to go further

Humanity didn’t wait to develop a sensible propulsion system to escape their planet’s atmosphere they strapped a metal tube to bombs and shot themselves out into the vacuum of space

If a human says something will ‘be fun’ assume that it’s probably life threatening

voodythevainglorious:

Humans quickly become known as the “house cat race” of the universe. They’re comparatively small against the other races, they’re fuzzy, and they’re bizarre as shit (see above), but they also are staunchly loyal companions, once you earn it.

Part of the pack bond instinct is that they also claim EVERYTHING as “theirs”, simply because they live somewhere or like something. The deep space freighter they’ve been on for the last month? Theirs. The yellow cup with a ding on the side that has been on the ship longer than they have? Also theirs. The standard issue blanket that looks like every other blanket in the universe? Theirs. Ship captain? Theirs. And they’re territorial little shits. They’ve been known to fight over somebody taking a pen by mistake because that is The Human’s Pen.

It’s this combination of strangeness and territorialness that makes them so valuable in a jam. Attackers on board a ship or broken through a colony wall? Humans will go balls out crazy to repel any invader because this is THEIR home and THEIR things and THEIR people and you don’t belong.

tosety:

Most confusing of all are the ‘introverts’.

This subtype of human looks identical to any other, but does not overtly show their bonding. Do. Not. Take this for a lack of bonding. They will be just as violent towards any threat that endangers you or your ship and it will seem all the more intense due to the complete and utter change in temperament.

No, this is not just them defending the ship; This One has heard a human claim shipmates that they have literally done nothing more than greet in the hallways as ‘friend’ and tear apart an invader that has assaulted said crewmate. This One does not exaggerate when it says ‘tear apart’ as the Grrthnk that raised the human’s ire was missing several limbs and the vital fluids of both were sprayed across the combat zone by the end of the fight.

manicnayt:

“Who’s the one beating the vxihgh with a stapler?”

“Mauren. Without her, we’d have never stopped the intruders on time.”

“I thought Mauren was the quieter one! Are you sure the same human that suggested our literary-recording-sharing clan is telling a vxihgh in xir prime to, ‘F*cking try it again, you oversized cabbage’? Some species can assume another’s appearance, you know.”

“I am sure. I’ve been here since the fight started. She was working at a table next to Targhd and the others when they were attacked. One of the intruders knocked Targhd out from behind. Xe was the first to go.”

“And the stapler?”

“It is a much more effective weapon than previously assumed.”

roachpatrol:

you know fantasy dragon soulbonding fic i want more of that where the humans are the dragons, like, we’re huge, we’re old, we’re scrappy as hell, and if you are small and cute enough we would be delighted to carry you around on our back

friendlytroll:

holy shit that’f b amazing.

also imagine an alien being like

‘I THINK A HUMAN IMPRINTED ON ME THEY KEEP HANGING AROUND ME’

dendritic-trees:

But imagine aliens that only form social bonds under very specific circumstances having to deal with humans though:

Like, they will bond with a group, and if they move they just bond with a new group while still talking to their old group.  They will bond with other species. They encourage their children to practice bonding with inanimate objects.  They can have more than one mate in their lifetime.  Sometimes they have more than one mate simultaneously.    Once they bond with you they’ll start trying to bring other humans they are bonded with to bond with you.

If you stand around them long enough they’ll probably just wander over and try to pat you, this is how they bond with other species.  You may have accidentally bonded with a human without knowing it.

Seriously they will bond with anything.

borrowedphrases:

“I began studying your history. I came to the conclusion that of all the races we had encountered humans were the most dangerous. Because humans form communities, and from that diversity comes a strength no single race can withstand. That is your strength and it is that which makes you dangerous.“

-Delenn to Sheridan in Babylon 5 “Lines of Communication”

stephendann:

It’s more inexplicable than the human creature’s ability to bond with just about any sentient creatures of the galaxy was their gift to somehow for familial ties with equipment, infrastructure and inanimate items.

Even after enough peer reviewed, intra- and inter- and extraplanetary science teams had confirmed the presence of the phenomena, they were no closer to explaining how a human could bond with a space vessel. Worse yet, bonded human vessels routinely outperformed non-bonded vessels, even ones produced side by side in the same production facilities.

To add to the frustration, humans seemed to find it so unremarkable, that the very subdivision of humanity that should have been able to explain the occurrence were completely oblivious to its practice, with their named computers and their silent whispers of encouragement to their science machinery of “come on, hold together, you can do this” that, as yet, no other creature had replicated.

piplover:

When first meeting a human, many species are often confused by the contradictions inherent of the race.  Fearful of the unknown, and divisive among themselves, when faced with an outside force they bond together.  To go after one human is to go after them all.  Conversely, to have a human mark you as an enemy is to ensure the wrath of the species.  This is to be avoided at all cost.

Humans tend to find the most linear solution to a problem.  It may take some adjustment to adapt to this behavior, and to beware of certain phrases.  When a human begins a sentence, “What if we…” it is best to take the following suggestion with caution.  Humans do not mind losing irreplaceable limbs if the solution is deemed appropriate.  Also, the phrase, “Here, hold this,” is your notice to prevent the human from what they are about to do.

They may not be grateful for your diligence, but many species have found that after such a confrontation the human can be appeased by either mating or drinking large quantities of fermented beverages.  After appeasement is achieved, offerings of food cooked in boiling oil and delivered still bubbling is also appropriate.

If your human becomes sick, or wilts from lack of contact with other humans, showing them pictures and films of fur covered species will cheer them up.  This applies to any fur covered, including the ones that consider humans food sources.

Be warned, humans attempt to make friends of these creatures frequently.  If one has attained a bond with said creature, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to remove the creature.  This will make you an enemy of the human, and no treaty or armada will protect you.

Now you have your instructions, go forth and explore with your human.  Allow them to be themselves, and your travels will be all the richer for it.

ladylemontea:

“…many species have found that after such a confrontation the human can be appeased with either mating or large quantities of fermented beverages…”

I now have this mental image of an aluin misinterpreting those instructions and thinking they have to be the one to mate with the human.

---

threedaysdisgrace:

can i mention how the kaiju have destroyed countless worlds but once they reached earth the humans were like nope. not today mother fuckers. big robots. lets go.

bunnybotbaby:

#they didnt account for a world that had the friggin audacity to look danger in the face#and build an appropriate robot

g-isabellae:

#CAN WE AD THIS TO THE MYTHOS OF HUMANS AS  #SPACE ORCS  #?  #LIKE IMAGINE IF YOU WERE AN ANT EXTERMINATOR AND ONE DAY YOU GO TO SPRAY DOWN AN ANT HILL ONLY TO BE MET  #BY A HUMAN-SIZED CONTRAPTION OF STICKS AND LEAVES PILOTED BY THESE TWO TEENY TINY ANTS  #THAT THEN PROCEEDS TO KICK YOUR ASS TO KINGDOM COME  #BEWARE OF HUMANS  #THEY DO NOT DIE EASY  #PACIFIC RIM   

---

just-shower-thoughts:

What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought “Well, fuck this planet” and never came back?

roachpatrol:

what if when humans went out into the galaxy all the aliens panicked because if the dinosaurs’ tiny fur snacks now had spaceships and laser blasters and interstellar colonies then what the fuck were the dinosaurs up to???

rockpapertheodore:

#important human policy: do not let any aliens know the dinosaurs are extinct#EVER

sunslammerdown:

jurassic park movies as extremely important interstellar propaganda

bethosaurus:

This is probably the best post on Tumblr tbh it combines aliens, dinosaurs, space travel, evolution, and borderline absurd humor in one thing

morkaischosen:

This is probably the best post on Tumblr - it combines aliens, dinosaurs, space travel, borderline absurd humour and metacommentary on the content of Tumblr posts in one thing.

---

giraffepoliceforce:

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

splintercellconviction:

Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).

By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.

You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.”

artiestroke:

This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned

skeletonmug:

Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”

And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.

You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.

The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.

It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.

Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.

“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

jabberwockypie:

One word: Moose

myurbandream:

“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”

BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!

“That’s called a moose.”

tygermama:

“We should be free of the threat of the ‘moose’ here on our new floating accommodation”

*humans start sniggering*

“… they can swim, can’t they”

*humans start laughing louder*

….

*mid-winter*

‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! K’T'SURKIK WENT OUTSIDE AND A MOUND OF SNOW ROSE UP AND ATE HIM’

ellidfics:

“What is this ‘wolverine’ you speak of?”

beautytruthandstrangeness:

Tell me the story of the unpleasantly surprised alien invaders and their captive human remnant, getting more smug the more the aliens fail at basic scouting…

I know we’re all talking the big smash-‘em-up type animals, but what about the little ones? Are aliens prepared for spiders? Mosquitoes? Fleas? Ticks? Even humans get sick or die from some of those, who knows what the fuck they’d do to an unprepared alien.

ladyshinga:

Nobody expects the mosquitoes

swaff-original:

Radio: “We seem to have located a colony-based life form. Primary scans seem to indicate that their dwelling consists mainly of wax and a calorically high substance suitable for our consumption. Since food reserves are minimal due the nature of this mission, we’ve elected to attempt harvest. Requesting that alpha base interrogate the captives as to the nature of this find.”

Aliens: “What are they?”

Human: “Sounds like… Bees. maybe?”

Aliens: “Bees?”

Radio: *slightly panicked* “Alpha base, please report…”

Aliens: “The captives seem to recognize the life form as… What was it, again?”

Human: “Bees! :-)”

Alien: *With somewhat resolved tone* “…Bees.”

Radio: *Nothing but screaming and the word: “BEES!!!”*

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS

morebadbookcovers:

Wolverines.

Also.. dolphins.

ohgodhesloose:

The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.

You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that… thing you encountered…

When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.

And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.

Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.

“The humans did say it was “grape” juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?“

majingojira:

Every night.

It came for someone almost every night.

Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight.  They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved.  Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again.

What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror.  Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather.  It had fangs as long as his grasping digits.  Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity.  And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it.

The earth natives called the monster a leopard.  

It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge.  Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster.

But rumor was that there was worse on this planet.  Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity.  While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out.  This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

lyricwritesprose:

“We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped.  “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hellbeasts.  And these are domesticated.  Harmless.”

The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent.  “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.”  Well, one language out of several thousand—these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.

More not-quite-looking.  455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner.  “That one,” she decided.  “Alone in the separate pasture.  Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker.  Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season.  And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium.  This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow.”

petermorwood:

I’m enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size…

pokemonsunburn:

It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as ‘Australia’.

“I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate.” Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. “If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back.” To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring.

The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad.

Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an ‘Emu’

“Don’t feel too bad,” the prisioner mocked. “We lost a war to the Emu’s as well.”

Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of ‘Zookeeper’ after all.

The ‘Zookeeper’ looks off to the distance, where the creature is.

“It’s a kangaroo, leave it be and you’ll be fine.” Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit.

“That creature cannot possibly harm us.” Tar'van’s squadleader protests. “It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it’s head to show this human is a fearmongering liar.”

The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes.

“Fucking do it mate, I dare ya.” The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called ‘Kangaroo’.

“This will be unpleasant.” A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The ‘Kangaroo’ looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air.

Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now.

“I don’t know what they expected.” the human says, smugness filling their tone. “Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-pack and all.”

Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands.

“Please,” Tar'van bags. “Get us back safely.”

miracufic:

@kryallaorchid, you guys really lost a war to emus?  Why was it necessary?

kryallaorchid:

oh, mate, you never mess with the emus.

kawaguardian:

(Jesus christ. Dont get us started on kangaroos)

They had faced Emu’s. They had lost one in the battle but had experienced them. But this was no emu.

Looking to their guide, they all stare in horror as his face changes from calculating to fear. Pure, heart consuming horror as he stares at the large bird.

“Cassowary…”

They mimic him in fear. Squawking the horrific name as another joins the first in the mad run towards them.

The only ones to survive was the native guide and Tar'van. The guide was carrying the soldier over his shoulder as they made their way back to the settlement.

Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically alternating between rocking in complete silence and whispering broken words in horror.

When they consulted the native all he said was “Its spring…. Magpie season…”

paksenarrion-reader:

“Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade has been tested both in the laboratories of the best Imperial military scientists and in the field. We are impervious to the stings of any insect on this hellhole of a planet, striped or not! We can brave the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it at long last! Revenge for our fallen companions! Glory to the Emperor!”

“Excuse me,” the native Terran guide speaks up in a tired tone, and the squad’s cheers die on their lips. “This is Japan. You haven’t seen what–”

“Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate this plating!”

The guide tries to warn them once again, merely earning a blow that throws them to their knees. The troops set out, morale high, certain in their ability to brave the wildlife now and thirsting for vengeance against the non-sentient native species. One soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A hollow sound follows.

In an instant, the soldier is the centre of a storm of the striped insects. At first, no one pays it any mind. Their little stings cannot penetrate the new plating, after all.

But then the soldier falls to his knees, and the squad stares in horror as the insects enclose him in layer upon layer of their own bodies, all moving. The squad’s medic yells a warning at everyone to stay back, watching the readouts of the unfortunate soldier’s armour on their diagnostic screen with undisguised horror. The insects aren’t even stinging. They simply keep moving, one atop the other, and the soldier’s body temperature is slowly rising until he drops to the ground, quite literally cooked alive. The insect swarm takes off, unharmed save for the ones that were crushed when the trooper fell.

Finally asked about what happened, the human sighs. “Japanese honeybees. They do this to wasps, too.”

murkymuse:

“How?” You ask. “How has your species dominated this planet?”

The human bares its teeth. A smile, they call it. Something humans do when they are happy. Yet you can’t help but think of all the creatures with the their large fangs and sharp teeth. (What kind of species uses a threat signal as a sign of happiness?)

“Persistence and ingenuity.” The human answers, still smiling.

It doesn’t matter that this one is your prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as terrifying as their planet.  

fallenwithstyle:

“And scattered about it … were the Martians–dead!–slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, had put upon this earth.”

– HG Wells, The War of the Worlds,1898

catbountry:

I’m picturing aliens going up against a hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan.

I think at that point they’d just give up.

invaderdrey:

Or fire ants

eeyore9990:

No one even MENTIONED snakes yet…

breelandwalker:

This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE IT.

fir-trees-unite:

“Let us try the creatures that the humans keep for domestic companionship”

“Is that a miniature tiger?”

“Why does this human own a small pack of wolves?”

The aliens ask their human captive why small wolves live with them.

“Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they’re the only animals that can keep up with us.”

The aliens look at each other in fear. “What do you mean?”

“Oh well that’s why you guys ‘won’ is because humans aren’t super fast or strong. I think my middle school biology teacher called us pursuit predators? It means we evolved to hunt things by following them at walking pace until they had to stop to sleep and then catching up to them then. Dogs are the only animals that can keep up with us. Did you know one time a pack of wolves tailed a herd of caribou for three days straight?”

“Uh… okay, what about these small round things with big teeth?”

“Omg dude no if you give a hamster enought time that little fucker can chew through concrete :)”

The aliens wonder if the surrender of humanity was a trap.

grimm-fairy:

Somebody do sharks or sea creatures next. Giant squids would wreak havoc on their ships.

hedgiwithapen:

rebloging because Hamsters are the most demonic critter on the planet for real.

also, hummingbirds. Humming birds will attack /owls/

grimm-fairy:

The aliens have sophisticated technology which pretty much allows them to live underwater, which is something even the inventive humans have never managed. Submarines have nothing on alien submersion pods, which can withstand the crushing pressures of even the darkest depths of the oceans and seas.

The aliens aren’t expecting any difficulties with their underwater expeditions. Of course, that’s when four of the life signs on the central screen simply vanish, like they’d never been there.

Alpha turns on the direct communication lines to the remaining submersion pods, and the only thing they hear through the tinny speakers is screaming.

Alpha resists the urge to turn and stare at the shackled human standing behind them, but Beta, Gamma and Theta have no such compunctions.

The human shrugs. “I mean, we’ve never really been down there so we’re not entire sure, but we’ve heard stories of giant squids and stuff. No smoke without fire, and all that.”

“There can be neither smoke nor fire underwater, human, cease your prattling.”

The human snorts. “It’s a phrase. A metaphor? Man, I don’t know, I studied marine biology, not literature.”

The human is unable to tell them anything useful about what might have happened to the submersion pods, but retrieved footage later shows tentacled behemoths snaking out of the depths of disturbed silt and cold water, and crushing the submersion pods effortlessly, in full view of the outer-hull cameras. The monsters have giant beaks which rip through the organic alloy sheets, and into the bodies of the pod pilots within.

The outer-hull cameras register the blue of fresh spilled blood and gore, at the same time the on-board cameras register screaming and the red glow of critical power failure.

The last thing the aliens can see on the retrieved footage is thin, long, snakelike creatures appearing out of the darkness and gloom, creating their own light and descending upon the remains of their brethren. They are accompanied by creatures that look like plastic bags, but which feed upon the toxic remains of the organic alloy of which the pods were made.

The human appears completely nonchalant - there is no love lost between slave and master. “Wait till you see sharks.”

obsessionality:

I’ve seen this post go around a few times, but this time I have some thoughts:

1) This is more or less the plot of Animorphs.

2) Earth has Poison Dart Frogs, we’re clearly a Death World.

3) I’m now imagining them deciding to set up a base on the poles, because life on this planet is clearly dependant on plants. So, that frozen wasteland should be safe of any dangerous megafauna.

Cue Polar Bear out of nowhere.

endangereduglythings:

GIANT SQUID.

---

thatgirlonstage

If you aren’t sick to death of these, for “Earth is space Australia” please consider… the ocean.

Idk why but I’m super into the idea of humans going out and exploring the galaxy and becoming well-known interstellar travelers where Google Maps now has a Google Universe page and we’ve digitally recreated entire planets so that humans who can’t or don’t want to leave Earth can explore them in VR… but we still haven’t explored more than like a quarter of the ocean floor

And like some plucky alien marine biologist from a planet where the water never gets deeper than like 2000 meters is planning to study on Earth because holy shit have you seen how much WATER they have?? And her human friend asks what she wants to study and she replies “Oh, well, I’ve heard the deepest place in your ocean is over five times deeper than it is here, I’d love to find out if anything can still survive under such pressure and so far from sunlight.” And their human friend looks at them in sort of distressed admiration - “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” - and is just like,

“Oh, things can survive alright. Freakish things from the depths of hell.” And that’s how plucky little alien sits up all the night eye getting steadily wider while their human friend shows them pictures of things like the viperfish and the pelican eel and the blue ringed octopus and oh did I mention we’ve barely explored a fraction of the ocean so like we know there used to be this prehistoric shark that grew up to 20 feet long and was one of the biggest predators of all time but honestly “used to be” is an optimistic statement because that thing could still be lurking in the depths of the ocean and we just don’t know

Alternatively, hostile alien species arrives and claims our oceans because we aren’t using them, leaves screaming within a week

---

homeworldlapis:

to add to this “humans are weird” thing

did you know that humans are the only species on earth with the ability to throw things with any significant degree of accuracy and force (apes can throw with about the force of a human ten year old, but cant lock their wrists well enough for accuracy)

and we just never really think about it bc its so easy and simple to us that pretty much all of our sports are based around the concept of throwing things accurately

so

what if the concept of projectile weapons takes most species FOREVER to get the hang of, or even come up with in the first place.

a human goes onto a ship and throws some trash into the nearest reclaimer, shouts “kobe!” and all the other aliens on board absolutely LOSE THEIR MINDS

---

just-shower-thoughts:

I want humanity to go to other planets so that WE can be the badass aliens in THEIR movies.

[anangelcalledinquisitor]

Pride

(AKA, space elf lesbians because why not?  So I’ve got Pharony (Doll Chateau Dolores) and Rio (Soom Nephilim) and they’ve been an unofficial couple since I put them on the shelf together about a year ago.  I’ve been reworking Lord and Lady for some time, and it’s making more and more sense that it should be Rio and Pharony, and some of the story elements that haven’t been clicking started to click.  Also, I entered @therealdeanwinchester13‘s little flash-fiction contest, and this is my entry.  I had to reword the prompt a little bit, but I kept the intention of the prompt.)

(Pharony is nonbinary and uses she/her/they/them, Rio is female and uses she/her.  Both are elves, though different classifications/species of elf.  Set in a space station, because space elf lesbians.  No sexiness, sorry.  Mentions of past trauma, though I don’t elaborate because that’s going to be in the full story which I have to finish writing first.  Abrutio is an asshole.  He did and does many bad things, just not in this flash-fic)

(Last thing, no, Pharony calling Rio “Ro” is not a typo--her full name is Rowan Lenore Maximillian, but adopted the name Rio after a stay on another planet where the natives called her Rio.)

Pharony didn't know what to expect when she knocked on Rio's door.  They had dropped her off at the agent's station three months ago, despite her pleading and struggling, and they had gotten back on their ship and flew away.  It had taken everything Pharony had to do that, keeping that stony expression as they turned their back and walked away.  Pharony never met her gaze, blue-gold eyes looking up at them with that pleading expression, simply handed her over to their raging commander and left.

It had been a mercy, Pharony told herself.  Pharony's master had grown suspicious, and he had made it clear in no uncertain terms that if Pharony was harboring Rio, that her master wouldn't protect them from Abrutio.

And Pharony wouldn't let that happen to the one she loved.

So she had done the only thing she could do to protect Rio, pushing her away and burying the hurt as they flew away.

But now, with thing changed and the world no longer being safe, even with her master's protection, and knowing that Abrutio was on the hunt again for Rio, Pharony refused to stand by.  As soon as they got word that Abrutio was closing in on the elusive agent that had not only escaped his collection, but also had made off with a prized possession, Pharony knew there was no time—they had to get Rio out of there.

Pharony didn't expect Rio to answer the door, draped in something soft and gauzy that did nothing to hide anything as she leaned against the doorway.  There it was, the hurt in those eyes as Rio squared her jaw and scowled.

“What do you want?”

Swallowing quickly, Pharony bowed slightly, a measure of respect.  It also helped her to discretely look the agent over.  She was pale, though she'd always been pale. Her hair was a tangle of wild curls and waves, the buzzed sides shaggy with growth.  The markings on her face, lines that said secrecy and honor and danger followed the curve of her cheekbones, over her lips and chin.  Pharony wanted to trace the ones under her eyes, the ones that made her look fierce and wild, but kept their hands at their sides.  Straightening up, Pharony said calmly, “Abrutio is looking for you.”

Her eyes, with their almost metallic sheen, caught the light from the hallway as they rolled with a scoff. “What else is new?”

“He knows you're here,” the guardian added, trying to keep their voice low.

“So what?” Rio asked, yawning. “Let him find me.  Not like I'm worth anything anymore...  What's he going to do to me that he hasn't done already?”

Pharony was at a loss for words for a long time.  This wasn't the same agent she'd been forced to leave behind.  Pharony flinched behind their mask, instinctively reaching up to ensure it was still in place.  It wouldn't do for Rio to be able to so easily read her again.  “He's coming to kill you...”

“Oh.”  That was all Rio said.  A cold, flat “oh”.  Sighing, she shrugged.  “Thanks for the heads up,” she said as she started to turn away, letting the door close behind her.

Pharony's gloved hand shot out, stopping the door before it closed, stepping inside.  “Oh?  What do you mean 'oh'?!”  Anger rose in their throat and Pharony wanted to scream as the door slid shut behind them.  Rio was turning back, but before she could even start to be indignant, Pharony was crossing the foyer, “He has been waiting months for this chance!  It's the entire reason that I had to-”

Pharony's rant was cut short as one boot caught the edge of a rug on the cold, metal floor, the fabric sliding as they tried to catch themselves, and, before they could decide to just let themselves fall, they collided with Rio, taking her down with them.  Instincts took over, and Pharony braced for the fall with their forearms, eyes closing for the impact.  

The tumble to the metal floor was jarring, bodies colliding hard as they landed in a tangle of limbs.  Rio grunted, rubbing her head as she grumbled.  For a moment their eyes met, and there was only hurt in Rio's eyes, glinting with tears in the low light from the candles around the room.  Pharony was only a breath away from her, taking in the way her hair fell around her face in messy curls, looking like she'd been lying in bed instead of being half-tackled to the floor. Her lips looked soft, inviting, and Pharony realized how much she wanted to kiss that hurt away, to make the agent—the elf, she reminded herself—smile again and see joy return to those bright eyes.  A flash of memory had her heart twinging as she remembered Rio, lying on a bed, surrounded by candlelight, waiting for Pharony.

“Let me up,” was all Rio said, and the moment was gone.  Pharony almost flinched again, simply glancing away before rising to her feet and holding out a hand for the disheveled elf.

“Please, just let me explain,” Pharony tried again as Rio tucked the gauzy thing around her again, trying hard not to let her gaze wander again.

“All right,” Rio said, her voice bitter.  “Explain to me why you would just dump me on a station where I have no job, no money, no ties, and no way to fend for myself.  Explain to me why, after I told you... after I had begged you not to abandon me, that's all you did, after swearing you would not.”

Pharony did flinch this time, looking away.  Had it really been that same day?  She had been an idiot, recalling the way Rio had looked, tiny and defenseless and utterly alone, how she'd clung to Pharony when she returned from meeting with her master.  So much had happened, she didn't even think...

Swallowing heavily, Pharony said, “I wanted... to protect you...”

“Bullshit!”

“It's true!” the guardian said, head lifting and meeting Rio's gaze.  “I was given one ultimatum—let you go, or my master was going to turn us both over to Abrutio!”

Rio's anger stilled, though it was clear she was still fuming.  There was a long silence before Pharony said, “You should have told me.  I could have worked something out!”

“I couldn't take that risk!” Pharony said, shaking their head, raven hair falling around their face.  “I had to throw him off the trail, or else he was going to...”  Their voice trailed off as mismatched eyes closed, trying not to fuel that fear, that anxiety.  The very thought of Abrutio being close enough to touch Rio...  “I had to know you were safe...” Pharony said at last, tears welling up behind closed eyes, burning their face as they fell beneath their mask.  “I couldn't risk your safety, not for my foolish pride...”

“It's still my safety... So it's my choice...” Rio said, voice softening, but still hard, like velvet-wrapped steel. Sighing, Rio ran a hand through her hair, wincing as the tangles caught her fingers before turning with a yawn.  “Might as well come inside, seeing as how you already invited yourself in...”

For the first time, Pharony took a look around, seeing the cans piled up here and there—not beer cans, but paint cans, varnish and thinner, a couple tins of kerosene in one corner, and machine parts everywhere.  Gears and cogs took up most of the space, ranging from a pile of ones no bigger than Pharony's pinky nail, to a few haphazard stacks a foot and a half across.  The guardian followed Rio deeper into her quarters, frowning slightly.  “Holy shit, Ro,” she murmured, looking around carefully as they picked their way through the debris of what had to be at least two small pods.  “Your place is a wreck...”

Rio simply scoffed, rolling her eyes as she started to dress, pulling on the nano-fiber suit without even bothering with the smallclothes she usually wore beneath, hunting for her leggings as the tunic fell t a tantalizing length just above the curve of her backside.  “Had I known I was going to have guests at three in the goddamn morning, I might've bothered to clean up.”  Pants located, she started to tug them into place before realizing that Pharony was staring.  Not saying anything, she simply quirked an eyebrow and yanked the pants on.

“Well,” Pharony said, sighing, though she wouldn't admit that it was because she'd enjoyed getting to see more of the lithe elf, “at least you won't have to worry about that now...”

Her musings were interrupted by an angry-sounding chirp from her communicator.  Flicking the print-pad, she growled into the microphone, “What?”

“Sorry to interrupt, captain,” the almost-nasally voice of her ship's AI said, drawing Rio's attention as she tugged on plated footwraps.  “I thought you might want to know that His Lordship's... errr... ship... has docked at the station, four ports down.”

Pharony's blood ran cold as Rio scrambled to wind the ties quickly—it didn't need to look good, it just needed to save her tender feet from any sharp edges between here and the guardian's ship.  She knew who His Lordship was, and all bravado was gone as she scrambled to gather the few necessary items from her room—medication, blaster (left on the charger), and her own communicator, slapping it on as she grabbed her long coat and black helmet with it's full-face visor.  If she didn't speak, she could look like any other merc on this rock.  With a quick swipe to blacken the visor just enough that it would hide her markings, she tugged it on, wincing as the padding caught one ear.  She didn't have time to fix it, they needed to be gone.

She almost slid her hand into Pharony's as they turned to leave, opening the door to the brightly-lit hallway, deciding not to at the last second.  Rio collided with Pharony for the second time, realizing that the guardian stood in the doorway, almost blocking her from view of the tall, white-haired figure that gazed down at them with cold, dead eyes.

“Lord Abrutio,” Pharony said, voice calm despite the panic that rose in her chest.  “What a pleasant surprise.”

[incursionofthedamnedrpg]

Adrian Rivera Accepted! Macs, you know what to do!

Name: macs

Age: 19

Timezone: EST

State an account where we can message you: this one or this one!

How active you’re going to be: 6-7, depending on school and work

How did you find out about this roleplay? I’m in it B)

Why do you want to play this character? I’ve had character-with-baby fever for like, six months now, and the idea for him just popped into my head a few days ago and I fell in love. I wanna see how he meshes with the rest of Mystic Falls and what kind of character development I can pull of with him!

Anything else you would like to tell us? Just that ily <3

IC:

Preferred Ships: n/a

Sample para: RFP.

Name: Adrian Rivera Birthday: December 2nd (29) Species: Werewolf (Triggered) Lookalike: Bob Morley Availability: Taken

Personality

Adrian tends to come across as gruff or even mean to people who don’t know him, but the behavior is a defense mechanism. He’s not an easy person to get to know, which is just the way he likes it: his daughter will always come first, and that usually means making friends isn’t at the top of his to-do list. If you manage to get past all that, though, Adrian is the most loyal person you’ll ever meet. People who manage to become his friend receive the softer side of his personality, the one that’s usually reservevd for Piper. He takes care of his friends like they’re family, and he’ll do anything for his family, though no one will ever come before Piper.  He tries to keep his head down as much as possible, loathe to start any kind of drama for fear that it would endanger his daughter. However, he still carries plenty of rage and grief from his fiancé’s death, and it’s more than likely to come into play now that he’s in the same town as her killer.

Past

Adrian was the product of a one-night stand between Penelope Rivera and a werewolf she only knew for a single, wild weekend. His mother raised him alone in a suburb near Miami, but he never felt like he grew up lacking anything. The two were thick as thieves, more like best friends than mother and child, and her love for Adrian was unconditional.  She had to work hard to provide him with everything she could, which meant a lot of late-night shifts and permanent dark circles under her eyes, which taught Adrian to be self-sufficient from a young age. Maybe it wasn’t a perfect childhood, but Adrian was happy. Trauma was a thing of fiction for him: bad things happened to other people, not him and his mother. Adrian’s life was peaceful and uneventful in terms of the supernatural world until he turned seventeen. Like any teenager, Adrian was curious. He had always been good at research, and with his mother’s support he began to search for his father: not because he felt like he was lacking anything, but because he wanted to know where he had come from. After weeks of dead ends, he finally stumbled upon a means of contacting his father. He spent two days writing and re-writing the email, explaining who he was and attaching a few photos so that the man who’d fathered him could put a face to a name, and then he waited. It took a few days, but eventually his father responded, and his reception to the news seemed to be positive. The two of them stayed in contact for the next couple of years, exchanging emails and photographs and occasionally a phone call or two. Adrian learned several things from his father, but the most important was the hidden trait he had unknowingly carried his whole life: he was a carrier of the werewolf gene, and should he ever take an innocent life, he would trigger that curse.

While tendency to turn quickly to anger whenever he got mildly upset finally made sense, this news changed a great deal of how Adrian behaved. He tried to think through his actions more often, and closed himself off from the world slightly. Thankfully, this didn’t stop Callie Davis from worming her way into his heart. The two met while she was in college and he was in the middle of training at the police academy, and he was wrapped around her finger almost immediately. Her constant kindness and optimism, the way the light caught her hair when the sun was setting, the infectious nature of her laugh, the easy way she seemed to be able to calm Adrian down whenever his anger began to take hold, all of it led to Adrian falling fast and falling hard. The feeling was mutual, thankfully, and was proven when Adrian finally told Callie the truth about what his father was, and what he was. His father had abruptly ceased communication without so much as a goodbye nearly a year before, and Adrian was finally worried. He hadn’t been the typical father figure always shown on TV, but still, Adrian cared about him. When he explained all of this to Callie, she simply began to pack a bag, telling him to do the same so that they could look for him. They each took some leave time, him from his job as a police officer and her from the local elementary school, and set off. Since they only knew that he and the pack were located somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains, the search took them a good deal of time. Eventually, though, they stumbled upon what remained of the Appalachian Mountain pack. His father wasn’t among them, but his youngest sister was.

Astrid and Aila had always been more of a dream than a reality to Adrian. Sure, he knew they existed, and he’d seen pictures, but it was a whole different thing for him to meet one of them. Though Astrid had been old enough to hear the news when he first contacted his father, Aila had no idea who Adrian was. She was still young, almost unbearably so once it was explained to Adrian exactly what the two sisters had been through. Both of their parents, murdered. The two of them separated after the rift between them had grown too wide and too deep. It seemed cruel to drop the knowledge of their shared patronage on her while she scrambled to keep what was left of her pack together. He settled for simply spending time with her, getting to know her and trying to bring a smile to her face whenever he could. He knew he and Callie couldn’t stay forever: they both had lives to return to, and their leaves of absence were almost up. It was with a heavy heart that he said goodbye to Aila and the rest of the pack, but he took comfort in knowing that they would see each other again.

The next few years went by peacefully. Adrian finally proposed to Callie, though they never actually got around to the next step: they had their daughter to thank for that. Having a child wasn’t something they were planning on doing, but the two of them were hopelessly devoted to their baby the second their first sonogram popped up on the screen. Piper Davis-Rivera was born on a sweltering July morning to two of the happiest new parents alive. When they weren’t working, they spent all their time doting on her. The three of them might not have been the most typical family in existence, but they adored each other, and that was what mattered to them. Piper’s first three years of life were filled with nothing but love and happiness, but it seemed as though that couldn’t last forever. One night, after a particularly grueling shift, Adrian found himself at one of the more popular cop bars in Miami. He had planned on getting a few drinks and then heading home, but he was stopped by a breathtakingly gorgeous, dark-haired woman. Her interest seemed good-natured, so he didn’t see a reason not to stave off her advances. She was beautiful, but Callie was the only woman he wanted. The dark-haired woman didn’t take this well.

As it turned out, she wasn’t a woman at all – she was a demon by the name of Layla, and if Adrian wouldn’t have that kind of fun with her, she had other ideas. Layla followed Adrian home, to where Callie and Piper were sound asleep, blissfully unaware of the danger they were about to be in. Once Adrian entered the house, Layla made herself known. She told Adrian that he had a choice to make: either he could choose between killing Piper and Callie, or Layla would kill them both. Her eyes changing to a seemingly endless black told Adrian she could easily make good on her threat. His pleas were loud enough to wake Callie, who came downstairs and quickly grasped the gravity of the situation. The two of them locked eyes, and Adrian knew instantly what Callie wanted him to do. He begged Layla not to make him do it, but she refused to spare them. Adrian, for the first time since he was a child, was bawling as he approached his fiancé, but Callie was eerily calm. If there was a choice between sacrificing herself or her daughter, she would choose herself every time. She tried to reassure Adrian with her gaze as he strangled her, giving him one last choked ‘I love you’ before her heart finally stopped. Satisfied, Layla departed, leaving Adrian alone with the body of his fiancé and a new cross to bear.

Present

Killing Callie, under duress or not, triggered Adrian’s curse. He felt it, the agony surpassed only by the grief he felt knowing his wife had died at his hands. The circumstances of her death didn’t allow him time to mourn. Rather than a funeral and a burial, Adrian disposed of her body as respectfully as possible while still keeping any evidence from remaining that could convict him and leave Piper alone. He packed what he could carry, took a still-sleeping Piper from her bed, and vanished. The two of them bounced from motel to motel as Adrian contemplated their next move. He was torn between creating a safe space for Piper, finding a place to turn as his first full moon grew closer and closer, and avenging Callie. The answer to all these questions, it seemed, laid in one Virginian town: Mystic Falls.

Connections

Aila King

Half-sister, though Aila is unaware of this. He spent time with the Appalachian Mountain Pack before Lucien Castle annihilated them, and he grew close with Aila before he and his fiancé continued north. The two haven’t spoken in a while, but parted on good terms.

Astrid King

Half-sister. The two have never met, but both are aware of the other’s existence. Adrian is eager to meet her, as both his family and as a hybrid.

Klaus Mikaelson

Adrian has contemplated becoming a hybrid in order to give Piper more protection, but the idea of being sired makes him wary. He knows Klaus is in town and hopes to speak with him, in order to find out what he’s like.

Layla

The demon that forced Adrian to kill his fiancé. Most of his rage tends to boil down to this, and as such, he hates her more than anyone and would love to get his revenge, provided Piper isn’t hurt in the process.