#after we fell book
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thinking about how my mom writes fanfiction
she writes it physically in notebooks and then transfers it to her laptop for editing.
nothing wrong with that, it's just different compared to how I hear most people online talk about their process.
#Physical library of my mom's Rizzoli & Isles and Pitch Perfect fanfic drafts and frankly i love that#its in the living room rn bc her old office's ceiling collasped from water damage after a storm.#we managed to save all her books before it fell though!!#my musings
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oh my god. that one "oc" we wrote who had DID that we came up with before our syscovery. that was not an oc. oh my god cody and blake why did you take five years to make yourselves known to us-
#AND WHY DID YOU GET FRONT TRIGGERED BY A RANT REVIEW OF A MOVIE BASED ON A PSEUDO-ROMCOM BOOK???#question not necessarily directed at them but the structure of our system as a whole#we've been doing a lot of discovering of headmates who were FOR SURE around before our proper syscovery#most of whom we. conceptualized as paracosm characters i guess to cope?? and mask without knowing??#which is probably why our paracosm is inseparable from our system they are one and the same#but like. i mean we found the whole valley full of elder scrolls introjects (there were 11 of them. at once)#who at least with Aerina and Serana they both were around when we were 14 at the very least#bc aerina holds a shocking amount of memories of high school that we thought we'd just Lost Forever#like. she actually remembers what our classrooms looked like#we know that the Sides (like. of the sanders variety) that we made for ourselves. like our own Sides#most of them became true headmates but we're not sure about the rest... but they're probably here#Cecil and Cherry (intrusive thoughts and creativity) were some of our very first known members#cecil was the first actually. but we know he wasn't the first to form bc Sheo hiding his presence ANNOUNCED cecil to ruby the host from then#and like. we created our own versions of sides for every one that was in the actual series#but then There Were More. like 6 or 7 who wouldn't ever have been included in the series#and we were like 'we dunno why they're here BUT they're supposed to be OUR sides so of course there's differences!' and then.#and one of those was Aura who was our side that represented autism#we also had Ryker (anger issues) Oakley (obsession/hyperfocus) Aiden (adhd) and one that represented faith (like. spiritual and stuff)#don't remember the faith one's name it was something obscure#and seeing as like. 5 years after our syscovery we actually discovered Analise (our Logic side) in the sys#we probably have All Of Them somewhere#so like. cody and blake were from the first character we ever wrote who had DID#similar to our first trans character. writing it as if im someone on the outside when really we were just an egg carton#we didn't write Much of him but we put much work into making him like. not fulfill bad stereotypes#he was still kind of stereotypical but we were 15 and an egg carton#but like. we haven't thought abt him or his story like. Since Then#so. very odd that they both show up here and right now-#cody was supposed to be the host and blake was the only alter we actually came up with before abandoning that story like most we wrote#there were absolutely going to be more but. we never got to that point in the story#mostly bc something we were co-writing with someone else fell apart so we just started All of our projects over from scratch
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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I blame the wave of #girlboss feminism (mostly adopted by white women) in the 2010s for erasing media literacy and like... just basic thinking and making everyone hate disney princesses with their "terrible messages" for little girls. like. were people even watching the movies?
#oh i fell for that too for a second#i mean sure there are obviously plenty of things that did not age well and we should critique about the princess movies#but come on#ariel did not give up her voice for a man were you listening to part of your world?#and cinderella was a fucking badass ok#the conversation surrounding the movies that came after 2010#u guys remember how Elsa and anna were praised for being feminist icons#dont get me started on remakes#when they did beauty and the beast and they lowkey promoted belle as being better than the others bcs she reads books#i think ppl forgot that the remakes only emphasised these quote on quote girlboss empowering traits in the remakes#key word being emphasised not ADDED#bcs THOSE TRAITS WERE ALWAYS THERE PPL JUST FORGOT
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and now for a post this blog was made for (take this as free trial of what to expect down the line. fair warning; not to scale)
If I had a nickel for every time a protagonist had to choose between a sword and a guitar, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
the first (and tbf only) two that come to mind are Manolo from the book of life and Kubo from Kubo and the two strings
quick background: manolo had to fight a giant toro (all the bulls his bullfighter family killed ever, and kubo had to defeat his grandfather the moon king in his final form. also he uses a shamisen not a guitar. but it fits the category so theres that)
and its such a beautiful and strange concept; to be presented with the choice of peace via music, or violence (so to speak) by the sword, and it works. the apology song moved me to tears the first time i heard it and kubo's words are truly beautiful and ones i wont forget.
i think its what the music relays rather than the instrument that brings about a change of heart or leads the hero to victory; their empathy and humanity. family is a prominent theme too, one of love and guidance and ocassionally a source of greivance lol.
i havent watched either films in quite a while (BoL 10 years ago oof) but both songs/ pieces speak so much truth they are able to do what the sword could never achieve. and now for a segment i like to call from where i stand, where i get to link fiction with my life and experiences to provide insight from, say it with me now, where i stand: as an aspiring psychiatrist in a part of the world where mental health is still finding its footing in the public eye and sadly among other healthcare students, its hurts to see how little we listen to each other, compounded by how simple and effective just basic human connection is in somehwat alleviating (albeit temporarily) whatever it is someone is going through. empathy my dudes. it goes a long way.
manolo appologises for the centuries of grief his family profession has inflicted on the bulls, and extends a warm hand of understanding and sincerity, while kubo uses the power of memories and love to prove to his grandfather that so long as he has his eye, an eye capable of seeing (and by extension a heart capable of loving and a soul capable of feeling), he will live and prosper. their humanity prevails and brings peace.
final word: to quote Jonathan Decker from a CT episode i cant remember lol: "Kindness won't always change someone, but it shows them you won't be changed." and i think its an important gap to mind, in the sense that the magic of music or whatever wont fix our real life probelms, like a failing relationship, but kindness and empathy and humanity are all necessary for healing and growth. and that, i believe is the message behind the trope. a good day to you all.
me, an intellectual:
#both brilliant movies if u havent watched them drop everything and go do that now#the book of life was my first encounter so to speak with the concept of dia de los muertos- the day of the dead#and as a muslim the beliefs i hold regarding death and the afterlife couldnt be any more different#yet that didnt stop me form enjoying the film for what it is#as a kid i fell in love with the beauty and vibrance and wonder of it all#and coco was visually stunning as it was emotional#the topic actually warrants a post of its own#the enjoying of media and respecting it even (or especially) if it differs from our faith/ what we hold dear#so stay tuned ig#i couldnt resist the last picture lol#awoop jumpscare#the book of life#kubo and the two strings#how tf is that not a tag?#throwback to the days i had functioning lacrimal glands lol#good times#i kept the typo to humble myself#see if u can find it#psychiatry#i have been told im a really good listener#which is both a compliment and a testament to how little we stop to listen and ask after ourselves and others#cinema therapy#go watch that too#instant serotonin#jono and alan are the best#i think the ct episode was maybe serentiy?#or was it the train to busan?#wait no the quiet place!#genuinely have no idea sorry#welp
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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if you are new at being an adult/living on your own (especially if you started out adulthood or post grad life during the early days of the pandemic) and feel lonely despite having friends and people you talk to, please invite people to hang out at your place. this sounds like stupid advice but not enough people take it to heart. “oh we’re not that close” that’s how you get that close!!! I cannot emphasize enough how much your friends don’t care if you have socks on the floor or some dishes in the sink or a cramped apartment that doesn’t look very nice or some central activity to keep them entertained. invite people over. don’t limit yourself to things that cost money and exist only in public. let yourself be with people in the intimacy of your own home. the number of times a friend has come over and just started doing the dishes for me or I’ve sat matching socks while they folded their laundry on the floor. let them bring some snacks instead of venmoing each other for takeout. provide some tea or alcohol or whatever you like and can afford. you don’t need an excuse to see people. you don’t need an excuse to let them see you.
#in college I went to a friend’s apartment to play board games and she didn’t have a table#or chairs. but she had two margarita machines. and we sat on the floor drinking margs#and doing a terrible job at playing settlers of catan#in grad school a friend came over and a whole rack of clothes fell on her and we laughed until we cried#and she makes fun of me for how messy that room was#last year a friend from childhood stayed with me after my graduation party#and we sat on the couch taking naps and half watching TV for a whole day while the place was a mess#when my bf and I first moved in we tried to go to a bar with friends but everything was full#it was like. comical how many places were booked for private events#so everyone drove to our place and stopped on the way for drinks and food#and we dragged in patio furniture from the balcony#and shared chairs and spots on the floor#people just want to be somewhere safe with their friends#mine#text post#life advice#life lessons#being an adult is hard
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"Carlos, if you could just pause your experiment for a second--if you could only hear me out, hear my hypothesis! I think once you understand the science of the situation, you--" Carlos opened the door. He was crying. She had never seen him cry. He was overwhelmed and unsure of how to express his emotions, since he usually only did so in carefully worded sentences, not with water from his body. "The science of the situation?" he snarled. "That Otherworld. I was trapped there, Nilanjana. I couldn't see Cecil for ten lonely years. I was kept away from the people I love, in that desolate place where you never get hungry and you never have to drink water and so you never live. It is a place that devours. It is a place that is empty. That is the science of the situation, and I study it so I can fix it. Only I can do that. Only these experiments can do that. I'm sorry, Nilanjana; I'm not going to stop so you can tell me what science is."
🫠
#Tyto listens to WtNV#spoiler warning I guess for a book that came out a few years ago now#anyway yeah hi I finished the book#the resolutions to the plot and to Nils' character arc were pretty good. nothing to write home about but fun and serviceable#I personally get annoyed whenever a story pulls a ''you thought this romance would end with these two TOGETHER? lol NOPE''#like we get it it's more realistic for whirlwind romances to end in a breakup and sometimes it's better for people to just stay friends#but firstly this isn't real life; it's fiction. with narrative devices and such.#and secondly WtNV of all media does NOT get to preach about realistic relationship trajectories when its lead fell in love at first sight#lmao I'm just saying. I'm not MAD about it or anything it just made me roll my eyes.#ANYWAY. that aside: it was good. and I do genuinely like the friendship Nilanjana builds up with Darrell at the end#but obviously the real star of the show was Carlos and the completely unprecedented character depth that they smothered him in.#not ONLY recontextualizing over a year's worth of the podcast but ALSO saddling him with LAYERS of guilt over the events in this book#he *KILLED* the *GODDAMN* *CENTIPEDE*#after his beautiful little speech about not killing things just because we don't understand them!#he was just SO traumatized by his time in the Otherworld and SO afraid for his family after Janice nearly got Got that he KILLED IT!!!#and THEN!!!! not only do they find out that the centipede wasn't responsible for the destruction!!#but it turns out it was HIS OWN MACHINE THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#his attempts to keep everyone safe were what actually caused the danger!!!! AUGH HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP#HE'S JUST SCARED AND HE WANTS EVERYONE TO BE SAFE AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE SAME HORRORS HE DID AUGHDUSHGHDH#...anyway yeah back to my regularly scheduled episode listening tomorrow
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Hey. Did you know that some people had wished an Elena of Avalor episode that is like an Avatar: The Last Airbender episode The Tales of Ba Sing Se? It would have been great that the EoA had an episode like that (divided into chapters focusing on one or two main characters). I'm not asking you to make a fic based on what I said, but imagine something like this. There can be Elena, Isabel, Esteban, Naomi, Mateo and... GABE. Think about this, okay? Take care.
Yep, it sounds like a cool idea! It never crossed my mind in the context of the EoA, though, but I think I can save it for later.
#Ask me anything#….Naomi Mateo and…#GABE#XD#Sorry it made me giggle#You know me well I see haha#Although wait#no#I did have quite a similar idea#No idea what title it had but I had an idea for the pre-canon episode telling Gabe Mateo and Naomi’s stories under Shuriki#So the four amigos had a sleepover and for absolutely no reason they realized damn we barely know anything about each other’s pasts#So they decided to share short stories from their childhoods#Naomi told about how her family was going to move in Avalor and she was wondering whether she would like this place#Mateo told about how he discovered the basement under his house and came across all those magical books#and Gabe told about his fencing training with his coach who threw coconuts at him#Once they finished they all turned their heads towards Elena to ask her what she was doing under Shuriki#and they regretted it because they totally forgot she was trapped in the amulet and Elena just awkwardly rubbed her neck or whatever#After that they all except Elena fell asleep and she was wandering around the castle fearing what was awaiting her and her kingdom#since this ‘episode’ was supposed to take place after Naomi Knows Best and she didn’t have her scepter then#And they all got to sing!#Naomi’s song was called Another New Home Mateo’s was Magical Destiny Gabe’s was Keep Fighting and Elena’s was My Fears#Yeah very creative titles I know XD#Writing all the coolest things in the tags is my curse and I can’t break it#I won’t even apologize because I’m the only one who gets harmed by it aihsjfkf
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#saw a post talking about louis and armand's relationship and i'm trying to figure out the words to say that i#disagree? with the viewpoint but i understand it very much too#basically the post was like 'armand wasn't in love with louis he loved louis because louis was lestat's fledgling'#and then 'armand really only loved lestat but comes to have genuine love for louis'#and like -- idk I don't think that's wrong per se but i think it's an oversimplification of lestat and armand#and wrong about louis and armand#i very much think armand's initial fascination with louis was about lestat#but he fell in love with louis' humanity and beauty the way the entire vampire world does#like i think it was an italicized 'oh' kind of moment when louis first showed armand the truth of himself#and i think after iwtv#when louis and armand come together again#after iwtv and in the later books i very much think that if louis was ever like 'armand i want you again in the way we were in paris'#i think armand would fall over himself to say yes to not disappoint louis' beautiful face#as for armand and lestat#i think armand very much romanticizes everything about lestat and that never goes away as they never are together#so there's not 'reality' to break that romantic-view he has of him#but at the same time armand is critical of lestat where louis is involved#and it's the only thing that seems to break armand's romanticizing#and i think armand loves the idea of lestat#and would lestat say 'armand i want you' armand would also fall over himself to say yes#but i think it would end horribly and i think they both very much know that#and i think if they did get together armand would fall very much out of his romanticization of lestat#anyway to make a long story short i think armand very very very much loves louis#in his very unique way#and i think armand loves the idea of lestat very much#but i also think armand would kill lestat if he ever truly endangered louis in front of him#idk what i'm getting at really but here i am rambling
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~ ~ ~
#I tell myself I’m done being depressed and anxious and overthinking and then still end up doing all that#I just don’t know how not to feel like I’m worthless to everyone around me when they don’t show me otherwise#dude couldn’t even spare a happy Valentine’s Day message yesterday and hasn’t talked to me at all yet today either#last night says to we can talk if I want to and wants to help with my depression but then stops replying about it after a few messages#can’t even make time to talk to me for longer than a few minutes at best#so what’s the point anymore? I thought we felt the same and matched energy and wanted the same things before but I guess that’s not true#and I don’t want to go back to the dating scene since I just get disappointed over and over again#so then the only solution is to be single but I don’t want that either because I’m tired of being alone/lonely#but there’s nothing out there for me and feels like there never will be and I hate that#just want him to remember I exist and talk to me like he used to#guess I fell into the same trap of really liking someone and wanting to talk to them and spend time with them#cause now I’m just waiting around for messages again and hoping for time in whatever ways I can get it#and that just ain’t worth it. I’m too old to still be playing these games and waiting around for someone to notice me#but I don’t have any other alternatives because I can’t force people to remember me or reach out or whatever#I’m just so tired of all of this and it seems like it’s never going to get any better no matter what I do#and I’m also tired of being the one to always reach out and start a conversation#the phone and internet work both ways and I need that bit of reliability and stability from others sometimes#just something to show I matter in some way to some one#but that’s apparently not going to happen so I gotta just keep it pushing on my own like always#nothing really ever changes and it’s getting to be pathetic#why does every partner/person I like have to end up being a lesson? haven’t I learned enough by now?#I don’t know what God wants me to see here because I can’t learn from a broken book with pages missing#just want someone to cut me a damn break one of these days#personal
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caleb is 10 when he realizes that he's a physical touch fiend. the rush he gets when his hand lingers on top of your skin after playing with you is like no other. when he presses into your side while you're reading, his thoughts always circle around one topic: you, you, you. when you would run into his room after a nightmare, caleb was ready to swoop you in his arms and hold you until you fell asleep. every response towards you was involuntary.
caleb is 15 when he realizes that teasing 13-year-old you becomes irresistible. when he holds up your book, pencil, or some other item in the air, he watches as you jump up and down to try and grab it back. he's grown a lot in three years; if he had to estimate, he's a whole head taller than you now—20cm at least.
when you throw yourself onto him in an attempt to get your stuff back, he falters. you're laying against him on the couch, shuffling and moving up and down over his body, and caleb's breath hitches. you're so close and right there.
he's going insane. you can't even stand up for five seconds before caleb pulls you down against him once more, saying something about retaliation or revenge while tickling you to death.
caleb is 20 when he's about to leave for the DAA. there's an air of silence around the house. you've trapped yourself in your room more often, stressing over your senior finals. at least, that's what you've been telling him.
"i'm sorry caleb, i really need to study for this test."
"oh! i totally forgot about that project i had due tonight. shit, i'm sorry caleb. we'll have another movie night soon, okay?"
he doesn't know if you're actually this busy or if you're actually ignoring him. all he does know is that he misses you. he wonders about how he could miss someone who was in the room across from him. you were so close, but so far.
when you found out he was leaving—though you had a grin on your face while congratulating him—caleb knew you were devastated. he wondered if you were secretly mad at him for leaving.
two weeks before his departure, he practically forces you to be around him. he laid down next to you like before. he stroked your hair while you napped on the couch. he teased you and picked you up so you could hit him and grab him like you used to. he always chose to put his arm around you during a movie. he dragged you by the hand all around the neighborhood. he needed to all of that again, a thousand times more.
but at 24, it seems like there may have been a wedge between the two of you. calls are more and more infrequent.
"sorry, space signal sucks," he'd type.
"sorry, i was busy with training!" you'd reply, 2 days later.
he thinks that he would do anything to go back to before. he hasn't felt you in months. he sees you only twice a year.
it's hard. it was excruciating during the first few weeks. not only was he dealing with bootcamp, but he always found himself looking to his side, thinking you'd be there with him. at night, you were there, right next to him in bed.
he imagined that you would whisper words of reassurance in his ear. you'd hold onto him like you used to, when you had nightmares, and wrap your legs between his. there were days where we stroked his necklace, wishing that it was your hand instead. what he would give to have you next to him.
all he wants is to be able to feel you again. he chastises his 10-year-old self for taking you for granted back then. he wants to feel the apples of your cheeks when he caresses your face. once,—when he was 13 (you, 11)—he did that, and he thought you had a fever the way you warmed up. if he could, caleb would build a time machine to go back to that.
caleb is 25 when he is out of your life.
he thinks about you every day. it reminds him of when he was in bootcamp five years ago. it takes him back to when he was fifteen; you were on top of him, and his brain was fried to a crisp. caleb wonders if he's always been this way, because he can recall that at ten, you were still the only thing consuming his mind.
even during his arm repairs, you're there throughout all the pain.
when you discover his metal arm, all of caleb's instincts point to the door. he's spent so long trying to hide it from you: it's the constant long-sleeves (even though they made him incredibly uncomfortable), or making sure to only touch you with his left-hand (even though he wanted to pull you in with both hands).
but he stays. because it's you.
you freeze momentarily, listening to his writhes and moans of pain. caleb only notices you're there when he feels your hands brush his shoulder. he jolts back in surprise, and he sees you looming over him.
he stammers something, not even sure of what he said because you're here. you see him. you see it.
caleb's wanted this for so long. he wanted to see you again, in a state where you were both vulnerable, like old times. however, that moment probably wouldn't have come if he doesn't confess about this, so he relays the details.
you listen attentively, eyes wide with shock as caleb goes on. your hands wrap around his metal one, and he feels nothing. it's agonizing. he sees you examine him so gently. your fingers trace over bolts and plates of metal, lightly stroking up and down his arm. and caleb feels nothing.
how often has he dreamed of this? for you to be touching him again, so intimately and softly? he's stayed up countless nights wishing for you to be here, just so he can put his arms around you in a crushing embrace, only to be incapable of feeling you on one side of his body.
you pull away from his arm, asking if the fleet was accountable. when he doesn't say anything, he feels your weight lift off the bed and go towards the door.
whatever happens next is involuntary. he uses his flesh arm to pull you back, caging you between his forearm and his chest. there's no thought to it, no rationalization. it's just you and him. and he's been deprived of this for so long.
he breathes into the crevice of your neck, and he has half a mind to place his entire face there. he wants to breathe you in after being away from you for so long. no conversations, no contact, no touching. the last time he was this close to you was years ago. he needs this, caleb thinks.
the feel of you against his bare chest is something he cannot seem to describe. it's like he's his teenage (or even kid) self again, where he seems to short-circuit whenever he comes in contact with you. you're still small compared to him, but you fit perfectly like you did a decade ago.
he lets you go after he feels you trembling. you don't hesitate to place your hands on his waist and tackle him onto the bed. you catch him off-guard as you pin him beneath you, looking straight into his eyes.
"hold me," you plead, "with your right hand."
caleb lets out a shaky breath. there are voltages of electricity flowing through him—literally and figuratively. his skin sparks alive when he feels you. will it be the same with the metal arm?
slowly, caleb raises his mechanical arm. he wraps it around you, and feels the movement of your back shift downwards. you released a breath you didn't know you were holding. caleb held his.
you wait patiently before caleb starts running his metal hand up and down your back. you watch him exhale as he continues. you press your forehead on his, and you breathe in tandem with him.
caleb is 25 when he discovers that he loves physical touch.
wow like i didn't expect this to get so long... but like here we are???
i think we need to start embracing touch-starved caleb in all of our fics. this man hasn't seen the love of his life in YEARS (infrequently, anyway) so i think once she touches him (like INTIMATELY) for the first time in years he goes a little cray.
also sorry the ending was rushed i wanted to get this over with bc i intented this to be like 500 words but obviously it got way longer than that. what can i say... this freak has dug into my brain.
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#lads caleb#lnds caleb#caleb lads#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace x you#lads x reader#lnds x reader#caleb x reader#caleb x mc#lads caleb x reader#lnds caleb x reader#caleb has taken over my brain like he's rotting it
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middle-earth dashboard simulator
🏵 hobbitc0re Follow
pippin was 29 years old???
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he should've been at the green dragon
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#gates of argonath #argonath #amon hen #middle earth landscapes #photographers of middle earth #travel #dark academia #lmao pls reblog this i almost fell out of my boat taking this photo
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my hungry ass could never travel with lembas
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#the entitlement i see on this site sometimes is disgusting #y'all will just post about having easy access to lembas when we can't eats hobbit food??? #we must starve??? #vent #do not rb
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CALLOUT FOR GRIMA WORMTONGUE
I've talked a lot about this already on this blog, but I want to have everything collected in one post so next time some dipshit with a white hand icon slides into my inbox to call me a liar I can just link to this post. tl;dr grima wormtongue has been poisoning my uncle and the land of rohan for the past few years, and here are the receipts:
Keep reading
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🧙♂️ bignaturals Follow
i stg if one more of you tells me I should've sent frodo on the eagles I'm asking iluvatar to take me back
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recent read: there and back again: a hobbit's tale by bilbo baggins
I thought this was SOOO fun and cute! I'm usually not into rpf but did anyone else think there was something between bilbo and thorin? 👀 I can't be the only one who saw it. but the ending made me cry my eyes out.
4.5/5 stars
#booklr #there and back again #bilbo baggins #recent read #dark academia #light academia #book review
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🌲 elvenking69 Follow
who up mirking they wood
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🐛 manofsirith Follow
wtf the new king of gondor just bowed to these four random short guys?? everyone else bowed too and I just went along with it lmao 😅 am I missing something????
#this is right after he sang a song and made out with some hot elf chick #truly the wildest coronation i've ever been to
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ULTIMATE HOTTEST FIRST AGE BADDIE TOURNAMENT FINALS!!!!
🔘 haldir-deactivated30190303
here y'all go again pitting two bad bitches against each other
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everyone who voted galadriel is a kinslayer apologist #luthiensweep
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fuck my job so much. everyone manifest an attack on gondor so I can finally warm my fingers on this beacon fire.
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by eru this can't be happening
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After we fell book review
Hey, how are you???
On Friday night, I finished reading After We Fell by Anna Todd.
I love this book so much!!! I read one chapter a day but by the end I read the chapters in one sitting!!! I love Tessa and Hardin’s relationship!!! I can’t believe how the ending of the book was??? I can’t wait to read the next book!!!
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I ran out of tags XD Good Omens Spoilers Beware! (time for dinner now)
The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–
Keep reading
#FASCINATING essay#intriguing ideas and clues#the eccles cakes are DEFINITELY significant! weren't they called the ultimate comfort food? comfort disappears...#s2 has so many threads left up in the air ready to be played with in s3 it's great#wondering hard about the editing/erasing memories ability...is that something any angel at michael/uriel/saraqaels' level can do?#is it something they can do to ANY angel (or demon?)/only if they decide as a committee?#cuz they expected to erase gabriel's memory. saraqael had the thing to “look up” gabriel's memory in her hot little hands at the meeting#was THAT the book of life or is angel memory editing a separate function? (I'm leaning toward the latter)#GABRIEL fell in love?? GABRIEL?? with a demon?? is that Real? is it??#One Prince of Heaven may fall (lucifer/satan) but not two (crowley?) and CERTAINLY not 3 (gabriel) eh metatron? eh?#you are on to something BIG and the payoff is gonna be great!#(hey hollywood execs pay your fucking staff already & stop forcing wga & sag-aftra to strike for survival) (s3 doesn't HAVE to be on prime?)#oooh maggie not sure about maggie not being real. you've got me halfway convinced but aziraphale loves her records#AND she gets all the everyday records that the resurrectionist keeps getting--possible grounding in reality?#“it's just a thing we do” - i am on the fence on this one. on the one hand it is a very Character thing to say. on the other...#it's also a very mellow go woth the flow i don't get it but I'm here and i don't hate it kind of thing to say (and she really really wants#to dance with nina)#*with#the perfect crime...the parallels to gabriel's disappearance with none knowing who done did it (cuz he zapped himself into the fly)#back to gabriel & beelzebub and the everday records....the sheer NUMBER of records...does it imply gabriel turned EVERY RECORD in the juke#every time they visited the resurrectionist (3 times on screen?) or does he change just the one currently selected and there's a ton more#visits there that we DON'T see (but the records are proof of)?#gabriel says Nah. nah. nuhuh. nope. great & terrible prophesy bad things coming ah yes I'll renege and lose my memory to avert it ???#Nah is too out of character to not be deliberate. WHAT DOES GABRIEL KNOW ABOUT WHAT IS COMING. why did he set things up#so that he could escape heaven scot free but memoryless and WHY was that integral to averting the Terrible Thing that is coming?#is metatron the terrible thing? did gabriel have to leave the coop SO THAT metatron would be tempted to meddle & suck aziraphale in?#so that aziraphale (and crowley) can save the day by stopping “heaven”/metatron's plan for the second coming?#the Great Plan is ineffable...the Apocalysn't...the plan behind the plan for apocalypse...god's narration & the nice & accurate prophecies--#what I'm getting at there (poorly) is that...maybe god's plan is to see how long things can last? how great creation can become?#because it IS a damn shame to end an infinite universe after 6000 years before the engine is even fully cranked up...
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I just watched the ballad of songbirds and snakes and I'm not the same person I was when I entered the theatre
#the teenage girl is teenage girling#we were supposed to go bowling#but all the lanes were taken#so i forced my mom and sister to watch a movie instead#and also#FINALLY#after asking and asking and asking my sister to watch it with me via 🏴☠️ finally got to watch it#she was not happy#but i was estatic#though my mom nearly fell asleep furing the first half#but she liked fhe last part#and says she doesn't regret watching it#even though she was so against watching a movie#but anyway#i love this#i need to go read the book#i feel like i need to read the book#i need to read it#im going to read it#lemme go find a cheap copy online once i get my birthday money from my aunt
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