#after wcs it feels so much more heartbreaking because you know he messed with her naivety

[irisbellemoon]

what makes the entirety of Taylor's career all the more meaningful is that she's written so many songs by herself that you can easily find at least 5 previous songs that parallel the new songs and all of it just humanizes her

[moonsgemini]

american heartbreak - i

summary: all June Summers wants is to be Rafe Cameron’s date to the county fair dance. Everyone from town would be there and she was tired of going alone. She was tired of watching him dance with other women, tired of waiting around for him.

warnings: cowboy!rafe x oc (minimal to no oc description, mutual pining, angst, fluff

wc: 2.7k

an: I hope you guys enjoy! I love cowboy rafe. I also just love writing au’s there’s so much more room for creative freedom. I basically just use rafe as a face claim bc drew starkey is a literal greek god.

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The sound of June’s boots as she paced back and forth behind the counter were beginning to drive Amber crazy. She was trimming tulips to make a new bouquet but she could barely concentrate when the her coworker was an anxious mess. The soft sound of music wasn’t enough to drown out the clacking of boots against wood. June bit her fingernails anxiously, her stare not leaving the floor as she was lost in thought.

“June I swear I’m going to kill you if you don’t relax,” She scolded the girl who stopped abruptly.

She smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I just am really nervous. What if he like laughs at me or something?”

Amber rolled her eyes, “That boy would never laugh at you.”

“You never know. What if he like thinks I’m crazy or worse never speaks to me again after he rejects me because he feels so bad!” She exclaimed dramatically.

“How do you even sleep at night with all this worrying?”

“I don’t get much of it.”

All week June had been practicing over and over in her head how she would ask her lifelong crush, Rafe, to the county fair. At the end of the night there would be a dance that the whole town went to. It was a big deal around here, and going with a date was a big deal. Every year there would be some new surprising couple that would be the talk of the town for the next few weeks before some new gossip spread. June had been pining over Rafe Cameron like a love sick puppy since they were eleven years old when boys started becoming cute and not gross anymore.

She had planned on asking him when he came in this afternoon. Rafe always came in on thursday evenings after practice to buy a fresh bouquet of flowers to take to his mom’s grave. A tradition he started in high school, the day before the rodeo, he’d go visit his mom. To this day he swore she was his goodluck charm. When June started working at the flower shop at sixteen she was ecstatic to have another excuse to see Rafe.

She glanced at the clock on the wall and her palms started sweating, it was six now which meant he was out of practice by now. June decided to make herself busy in the mean time to occupy her jittery fingers.

Rafe parked outside the small flower shop and let out a sigh of relief. Being at the flower shop on meant it was the end of his practice week and now he just had to worry about riding. It also meant he got to visit his favorite girl, and he wasn’t talking about his mom.

He looked into his rearview mirror of his old pick up truck and adjusted his hat. Checking himself to make sure he didn’t have any dirt or muck on his face. He got out of his truck making long strides towards the door. As he entered that all too familiar bell jingled alerting June and Amber or his presence. The smell of fresh flowers over took his senses, as well as the presence of his favorite flower girl.

June looked up from where she was picking the leaves off of the carnation stems. Her eyes widening for a second, her face beginning to feel hot as she smiled shyly at him. Suddenly any ounce of confidence she had to ask him about the dance left her body. That smirk he always wore turning her into a pile of mush. She’s surprised her legs were still holding her up as he walked over to the counter.

“Hi Rafe,” She said softly. Amber smiled to herself as she watched them interact. She sneakily walked into the back room to give them some privacy. It was a little routine she did whenever Rafe came in.

“Hi sweetheart, whatcha got today for me?” He asked resting his palms against the counter supporting his weight as he leaned towards her.

He was such a natural flirt. She could barely look him in the eyes most of the time, “we just got a bunch of beautiful tulips in so I made you a bouquet of purple ones with some baby’s breath,” June walked over to the one of the bucked holding an abundance of bouquets, “I also put a few daisy’s to add a bit more to it.”

She showed him the bouquet proudly. A wide smile spreading across his face, “That is beautiful. You’re so good. Mom will love them.”

June knew Rafe’s mom. She cared for everyone in town like they were all her family. Whenever June would be over at their house hanging out with Sarah she would make them food, always let them ride horses. When they were really young she’d let them play in the rain and get all muddy, when other mom’s in town would scold her for letting the kids look like a mess. She was the sweetest woman.

“Always the best for her,” She fidgeted with her hands nervously. If he knew the effect he had on her he’d be too powerful.

He pulled out his wallet and handed her a twenty. Since he was their best customer she never charged him more than that. Clueless Rafe just thought that was how much each bouquet was, “Am I seeing you tomorrow at the rodeo?”

She nodded, “Of course. I might help out Mrs.Mayfield sell raffle tickets.”

“Always the helpful one. I better see you at the Rooster after,” He pointed at her scolding playfully. Roosters was one of the local bars everyone went out to.

June laughed softly, “Maybe, I doubt you’d even notice if I wasn’t there.”

“Darlin I always notice when you’re not around,” He smirked, “I better get going to see mom.”

“Goodluck tomorrow Rafe,” She smiled with a small wave as he began walking out.

He tipped his hat at her with that cute lopsided smile on his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow Ms.Summers.”

June watched him walk out to his truck, a dumb love struck smile on her face. That crush she’s had on him since second grade was never going away.

“You chicken.”

She jumped and reached to clutch her chest, “Oh my god you scared me.” She scolded her friend.

Amber had her arms crossed leaning against the doorway to the back, “You didn’t ask him!”

“I couldn’t! My brain got all blurry. I-I just can’t handle the thought of rejection. Especially not from him.”

“Did you not hear everything he said to you?” She walked over standing in front of June, “He practically was begging you to go tomorrow. Verbatim said ‘I always notice when you’re not around’ um hello?”

June shrugged, “He’s just being nice, that’s just Rafe.”

Amber stared at her with a deadpan expression, “I wish I could put you in a choke hold right now.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’ll try to ask him tomorrow after the rodeo.”

“I’m sure you will. But we’re definitely going out after,” She smiled.

-

June and Amber had been friends since they were in diapers. Their moms being best friends themselves it was almost a given that their two daughters would be just as close. After they graduated high school they took all the money they had saved up and rented a cute little house in town. Now they were working on buying out Mr.Robertson for his flower shop. They had been working in it since they were fifteen and they wanted it to be their’s. Mr.Roberston kindly offered to sell it to them since he was getting too old to take care of it himself and once he sold it he’d move to Florida with his daughter.

The girls were close to buying it, needing a few more months to get the rest of the money. Most people wanted to move out of the small town they were born in but that wasn’t June or Amber. June liked it there, she liked the familiarity and the comfort it brought. She liked her life here, she liked living with her best friend and working with her too. She liked being five minutes away from her parents. June felt lucky to be where she was and have the people she had in her life.

After closing they had stopped by the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. Now headed home in June’s dad’s old mustang they enjoyed the cool summer afternoon breeze and listened to their favorite artist, Taylor Swift. June felt like she had the perfect life. The only thing she longed for was someone to be by her side. Of course she had Amber but she wanted a romantic relationship. She wanted someone who could hold her at night and take her out on dates.

It’s not like she hadn’t tried to get a boyfriend. June had gone on a few dates but they never ended well. She was seeing Liam, a local mechanic, for a month but then she saw him flirting and kiss another girl at Rooster’s. After that she went on a date with a local bull rider, one of Rafe’s teammates, but he never called her after the night was over. June thought it was because she didn’t put out on the first date. She doesn’t know that it was because Rafe cornered the guy and threatened him. Told him if he ever went out with you again he’d tie him to his truck and drag him across town.

Amber had her own boyfriend, James, who was friends with Rafe. They worked together on the Cameron farm and occasionally helped coach Rafe. June has refused his attempts to set her up with Rafe more times than she could count. James moved to town a few years ago after he heard that the Cameron’s were looking for another ranch hand.

“Wanna invite Sarah for dinner?” Amber asked as they carried the groceries into the house.

June shrugged, “Sure, we haven’t seen her since she left for Charleston.”

“I’ll call her, can you get started on the potatoes please,” Amber said as she started dialing Sarah.

“yeah yeah,” June rolled her eyes playfully as she unpacked the grocery bags.

The three girls were all friends in school and Sarah ended up moving to North Carolina for college once they graduated. They managed to stay as close as possible with the distance. Sarah is Rafe’s sister and of course she knew of June’s infatuation with her older brother. Sarah wanted them to end up together, always talked about how perfect it would be to have her as a sister in law.

When they were younger and June would go to Sarah’s house she always prayed she’d run into Rafe. Occasionally she would but he was the same old Rafe back then. Would make slightly flirty comments towards her making her flustered and making her crush on him grow.

-

The girls sat around the dining table laughing at old stories from their childhood. Every time they got together it felt like they were fifteen again sneaking alcohol from Ward’s liquor cabinet and turning into a fit of tipsy giggles.

“And then Rafe came out from the barn and June practically jumped on him she was so excited to see him,” Sarah laughed tilting her head back.

June covered her embarrassed face at the memory, “Oh god! I forgot about that.”

“That was the closest you’ve gotten to him like ever,” Amber added, “You need to drink tequila again.”

“That will probably be the closest I get to him ever,” She said a hint of sadness in her voice.

“June you should just ask him out yourself. Forget all that old fashioned stuff. My brother would never be mean to you.”

June took a sip of her wine, “I know he wouldn’t be mean but it’s the rejection that turns me away. He could have anyone why would he want me. He also is always out with some other girl. She’s usually a lot prettier than me.”

“June Summers you know I don’t tolerate that negative talk in our house,” Amber scolded, “You are beautiful and he would be lucky to have someone like you. I also highly doubt he’d reject you.”

She smiled at her, “And how do you know that?”

Sarah rolled her eyes, “Because he’s like practically in love with you! He doesn’t great other girls the way he treats you. He also looks at you different.”

“Then why has he never asked me out! It just doesn’t make sense. I’d rather keep him as a friend than lose him completely.”

“I wish he didn’t have such a thick skull then maybe he’d have some sense,” Sarah stood grabbing the girls empty plates to take to the sink.

“Fallin off too many bulls in his life,” Amber giggled.

June stood to grab the bottle or wine to refill their glasses, “Oh I’m gonna head out soon. Rafe is picking me up on his way home from James’ and he texted me he’s on his way,” Sarah said beginning to wash the dishes.

“Come on so early?” Amber gave her puppy eyes.

She laughed, “Yes, I have an exam online in the morning I still need to study for. That masters won’t get itself ladies.”

“Speaking of James has Amber told you that she thinks he’s going to propose soon,” June smirked trying to forget about the fact that Rafe was coming to her house soon.

“Shut up!” Sarah exclaimed.

“I know! He’s been so suspicious lately! He’s been working a lot and he’s not so subtly asked me for my ring size last month. Then he went to the city last week but he didn’t want me to come because he said he was doing some boring errands for Ward,” Amber’s cheeks began hurting from smiling so much at the thought of her boyfriend, “But I don’t believe that for a second. I think he went to buy a ring.”

“Oh please get married soon! I want to be a bridesmaid,” Sarah said excitedly as she dried her hands. There was a knock on the door as she finished, “That’s me, go get the door June while I get my things together.” She smirked at her friend.

“I hate you guys,” She whisper shouted in case he could hear them. Amber practically pushed June to the door.

She took a deep breath fixing her hair a bit before opening the door. He stood looking the same as he did earlier that day, still just as handsome as before. He smiled as soon as he saw her, he was really hoping it’d be June answering the door.

“Hi Rafe,” She said softly. Her timid demeanor returning whenever she was around him, he made all her confidence vanish always.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you tonight?” He asked with that cute smile he always wore around her. For a second she pretended he was picking her up for their first date.

“I’m good, and you?” She asked politely still stuck in her daydream.

“Better now, is Sarah ready?” He asked breaking her from her fantasy. Truthfully Rafe didn’t want the conversation to end but he knew he was there for a reason.

“Uh yeah she’s just getting her things,” As if on cue Sarah showed up next to June.

“I’m ready,” She hugged June tightly, “I’ll see you tomorrow Juney.”

“Does that mean you’re going out tomorrow with everyone?” Rafe asked with a smirk, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“I guess so, can’t say no to this one,” She smiled nodding her head towards Sarah.

“I’m her favorite what can I say,” Sarah shrugged smirking, “Come on Rafe I gotta study.” She walked towards the truck leaving Rafe behind.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then June bug,” He tipped his hat at her like he always did before walking down the porch steps.

“Bye Rafe,” She waved and waved towards Sarah who was smiling at the pair from inside the truck.

June spent the night praying that the words Sarah said earlier that night were true. That Rafe somehow was in love with her. But she couldn’t help that voice that was always in the back of her head telling her how that could never be possible.

Maybe tomorrow she’d have some tequila.

[jinkoh]

 tell me what’s wrong, little bug

kevin x gn!reader

wc: 1.5k, tags: hurt/comfort, childhoodfriend/neighbor!AU, y/n is in their last year of school, mentions of a friendship break up & college struggles, older brother!Q

a/n: i wrote this at 2 am when i couldn't sleep so it's rlly just self-indulgent comfort tbh

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“I knew I’d find you here,�� Kevin said as he sat next to you in the tall grass near the meadow where a bunch of cows were chewing on the lush green.

“You’re back,” you stated, and even though you wanted to be surprised and excited about his return after not seeing him since he’d briefly come back from college for your birthday months ago, you can’t seem to find the emotions within you. You were tired, your eyes still feeling puffy from crying and lack of sleep.

“Mhm,” he hummed, “Someone told me there’s a little bug at home in dire need of counseling.”

“My brother called you?” You scrunched up your face, too embarrassed by the fact that Changmin had tattled to him to realize that he’d come back, driven all those miles, just for you. 

Kevin lightly nudged your shoulder with his own. “He means well. You know he really loves you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And so do I,” he added with a little grin, and you knew he meant like your brother does, like a sibling. It’d always been like that, you’d never been anything but family to him. And yet it still managed to make your heart ache. But what was one more ache on top of everything already weighing you down?

“I know,” you said again, not meeting his gaze.

“So, tell me what’s wrong, little bug.”

You wanted to tell him, you really did. It had always come easier to talk to Kevin when something was bothering you. No matter how much you loved your brother and no matter how much you knew he cared, there was something about Kevin that made it feel less intimidating to open up.

But right now, it was still impossibly hard. Just the thought of trying to put it into words had your throat clogging up.

“Just…school,” you said as if that could summarize the way everything had been falling apart around you, your last year feeling more like a hellscape than the exciting time you’d always imagined. You’d known which college you wanted to go to since forever, your best friend and you making plans about it since middle school. Except she had suddenly changed her mind about going together, and while you understood that these things could happen you thought you at least deserved an explanation. But you never got one, not really. I can’t always be considerate to you, I need to think of myself too, she’d reasoned, and it’d felt like a punch in your face that she saw the situation that way, naturally assuming you would blame her when really all you wanted was to talk about it, to understand, to be part of the conversation. It hurt that she seemingly trusted you too little to be open with you. And you couldn’t even talk to anyone about it all because your friends were hers too and you didn’t think it was appropriate to pull anyone else into this mess. “Just school,” you repeated, “my grades have been dropping,” you added and you weren’t even lying.

Kevin hummed in understanding. “Are you worried about not getting into your first choice?”

You bit your lower lip so hard you thought you tasted iron. “I don’t even have a first choice anymore,” you pressed out. There were tears welling up in your eyes that you aggressively tried to blink away.

“Oh,” he said and you knew by the way he looked at you that to some extent things must have clicked. He'd known about your plans for the future after all so it wasn’t hard to connect the dots. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

You shook your head but then nodded before ultimately shrugging. “It’s just over, I guess,” you knew it sounded like you were talking about an ex rather than a friend, but the heartbreak felt the same either way, “It’s—I’ve tried to fix it over and over but I don’t think we can. I don’t think I can. But now that we’re not talking anymore I’m realizing how much of my life revolved around her. It’s—,” you paused, trying to find a fitting word, but when nothing better would come to mind, you settled for “weird." Your fingers fumbled with the grass next to your feet, "I haven’t had to be myself all by myself in a really long time. It was always—it was our dreams and plans and wishes. Maybe hers more than mine. But now it’s suddenly just me, and I don’t even know who I am outside of all of that. How am I supposed to choose a future like that?”

“You don't have to put yourself under so much pressure, y/n,” he said softly and somehow he made it sound like a good answer, “I know it's always framed like this giant decision that will determine your whole life, but it's not. Life is way more complicated than that. Which isn't to say you should just decide randomly, but you don't have to pressure yourself into finding the perfect choice either. You won’t know how it turns out until you're there anyway. So just go for a place with interesting courses or a pretty campus or good financial plans or," he playfully nudged you in the side, "you could also go some place where you already have an ally. My school is pretty good you know?"

“You probably just don’t have friends at college, so you want me around.” You rolled your eyes at him but you did feel a little better. 

“Rude? I so have friends,” he mocked offense, “but I do want you around. Would be great to not have to travel a zillion miles just to annoy you in person.”

“You do know that you were the one who left, right?”

“Fair enough.”

“Why did you go anyway? Why that far?”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that deep. It just seemed like a good path for me. Good chance to leave my comfort zone too.”

“Hm.”

“Why? Did I manage to grab your interest? Are you considering it?”

"Don't get me wrong, I already had it on my radar beforehand," you justified yourself and when you saw his smug grin you quickly added, "because of the courses!"

“Sure, little bug. Or maybe you just really miss me.” 

"Shut up."

“Seriously though,” Kevin went back to a more serious tone, “no matter where you go, it will be fine. You’ll be fine. You don't have to have it all figured out just yet. And you’ll always have me to call when the going gets rough.”

“Thanks, Kev. Really, thank you.”

“Mmh-mmh, not for that,” he hummed, "and by the way, about the other thing you mentioned, I think I have a pretty good idea of who you are. So if you ever need a reminder I could easily make you a list."

"That'd be great, actually," you replied and it sounded less like a joke than you'd intended. Not that it really was one in the first place.

"Hmm, let's see" he hummed, "you're a little stubborn—" "Not true," you pouted and he just raised an eyebrow at you in place of a response. "You're also kind," he continued, "but maybe a bit of a people pleaser." 

"Aren’t you supposed to say nice things here?"

"Oh, I thought you wanted an honest list and not a nice one."

"Fine."

"You're also creative."

"Creative?"

"There’s some crayon drawings on my bedroom wallpaper to prove it,” he grinned and you couldn’t help but smile at the memory—not that you actually remembered drawing the flowers on his wall, you’d been 4 or 5. What you did remember though was the way he hadn’t gotten rid of them, even going so far as to put an empty picture frame around them at some point as if they were actual art and not some childish doodles.

"Fair enough," you chuckled.

"You're also funny. And very cute when you have leaves stuck in your hair," you felt his fingers move through your hair, carefully picking out something that got stuck in it. You wished he knew what that was doing to your heart. 

"And most of all you're a little bug of course." He dropped his hand to your shoulder once he was done, his thumb drawing gentle patterns. "You need to hear more?" 

"No," you shook your head, "it's fine."

"I could go on, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

“Do you feel a little better?”

“Yeah,” you leaned your head against his shoulder, “I do.”

 "That's good." You thought you felt him press a little peck to the crown of your hair before he rested his chin on your head, but maybe it was just your wishful thinking. "That's good," he whispered again.

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[kiidwritings]

so cringe, but i love u <3

chapter 0: prologue

wc; 3,563. tags/warnings; maybe ooc .T4T RAAAGGHHHH!! Trans horangi. Trans könig. 5+1 Things. sorry if könig is ooc. im trying here. also horangi might be ooc. I TRYING. idk i based his AUDHD on mine so :P. same with könig's social anxiety. author is nd. Author is trans. she/he/they könig. transfem könig. im trying my best ;-;. not beta read. events based on stuff in author's real life. lol mention of masturbation. author knows very little german. like the basics of german. thanks duolingo. FART JOKE/MENTION DFHBDGJB. possible grammatical errors

pairing: kim "horangi" hong-jin/könig

READ ON AO3!!

Love is a remarkable thing. Whether platonic or romantic, it’s something that everyone deserves and can really change a person’s character and heal wounds that were never properly treated. Love is expressed in many different ways; cooking for someone, basking in the warmth of another’s touch, or even through the act of lovemaking (or fucking if you’re freaky like that). 

Life isn’t some fictional romantic book with some ridiculous trope like soulmate strings, or love at first sight, you have to learn what love is beneath all the lovey-dovey shit- love was awkward flirting, one-sided infatuation, heartbreak, and realizing some things just don’t work out between people. 

Sometimes it feels like you’ll never find love, no matter how long you wait, it seems like no one has the desire to make you theirs.

To have those little inside jokes that no one else understands.

To be able to sit down and work out problems in a way that leaves both parties satisfied.

To have rubbed off on each other so much that everyone can see that they're yours and you theirs.

To be able to love is a beautiful thing, whether sexual or romantic activities are involved.

So when König first saw Horangi, dressed down in his all-camo attire and sunglasses that just barely made his almond-shaped eyes visible, he couldn’t help but let his nails pick unconsciously at the dead skin along the ridges of his finger beds and begin sweating underneath his hood from the raising temperatures.

Of course, König kept his distance, needing to read him from afar before even thinking about approaching him. His skills were good no doubt about that, KorTac is only filled with the best, but it seemed like König was taking too long because one afternoon, Horangi waltzed up to them and practically demanded a sparing match.

“You’re sparing with me today.”

König blinked, sweat pooling under their mask from both Horangi’s presence and having just beat the shit out of a punching bag (she had a lot of built-up anger that day and not enough sleep, you couldn't blame her!)

“What?”

“Sparing match,” Horangi pointed to the sparing mats, “Now, let’s go.”

He didn’t even wait before walking over to the mats, expecting König to follow him like a trained puppy at his beck and call. If König was none the wiser, maybe they would’ve seen the sway in Horangi's hips, like a cat courting a potential mate.

But deep down, König couldn’t help but be turned on by Horangi’s dominance, and their leg bounced and thumped like an excited bunny.

The more the two were around each other- whether it was for a mission, during a debrief meeting, in the mess hall, in the training rooms, or even after hours when everyone started to retreat back to their dorms, König and Horangi would always make some extra time to see each other.

Maybe Horangi liked the rank imbalance between them, or maybe it was the fact that they were both trans, but it seemed like whatever higher powers had finally answered König’s prays to be loved for once (by someone besides his mom and grandmother- whatta ladies man!) because after many long months of pining for each other, getting flustered over lingering gazes, and landing in awkward positions during sparing (which usually ended up with Horangi knuckles deep in himself), König made the first move.

If she’d told younger her that she made a move on a cocky, badass baddie such as Kim “Horangi” Hong Jin, little Anton would’ve scoffed.

Him? Talking to anyone about romantic interest? Yeah, probably in some other universe where König didn’t feel like the room got ten times hotter whenever anyone even remotely up to his standards stood within a 10-foot radius of him.

But here they were, standing outside Horangi’s door with shien of sweat over their skin, shaky hands, and having had hit his head thrice on the doorways around the base, his mind too clouded by how to even start going about this.

He owed another thanks to whoever was listening to his prayers because despite having not a complete family for the entity of his adolescence, KorTac had definitely filled in the voids he was missing. Asking around for advice was both embarrassing and nerve-racking.

Roze went the straightforward route; go up to Horangi, ask him out, take him to dinner, bring him back to base, fuck him hard and nice, and then ask him out. The euphoria of the moment will help bring out Horangi’s true emotions without the shadow of insecurities. (Maybe it was the fact that Roze was aromantic and didn’t care much for the several steps skipped when someone usually tries to ask someone out.)

Hutch’s advice was much more thought through and less… vulgar . Sure what Roze said about going to dinner would be great- König and Horangi were kind of in the awkward stage of wanting to be with each other- but in the following days after the date, it’d be best to try and keep everything as they were before, and if Horangi’s feelings grew, then she knew it was time to make it official with him.

With his mind still full of insecurities and inexperience, König went and flopped down on his bed, limbs hanging off due to his imposing stature. 

“ Gottverdammt … this shouldn’t be so hard, right?” König muttered to herself as she stared at the painting chipping on her walls. She inwardly cursed herself for not having gotten over her stupid social anxiety and gotten some game back in his youth. (His therapist would’ve shaken his head if he heard him say that.)

Maybe she could think about it over some paperwork, the reports piling up on her already messy desk. Neh, König needed focus to do work, and having his mind also occupied with this whole dating situation would have him staring at the same sentence for half an hour, damn his ADHD. 

Working out always helped relieve stress and it was late, so he’d basically have the whole gym to himself. (They will still never live down accidentally farting while bending down to pick up a weight… ugh .) But König did have paperwork to be done, damn that paperwork, know he’s gonna be thinking about it for the rest of the week, URGH !

Shuffling onto their back, they let out a deep belly sigh. Staring at the semi-stained titles of his dorm ceiling, he thought back to his childhood, memories of brisk early mornings, perfecting his handwriting so his teachers would stop berating him for it, running home to avoid being hit by rocks by kids who never seemed to be in school and helping with as many house chores as needed in order to help his mother who worked relentlessly for her baby’s sake. König smiled, remembering a day when his mother came home, her crooked teeth showing in her big smile, standing on her tiptoes to give Anton a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

<“Mama, you look happy. Did something happen?”> Anton asked as he shifted in the too-small table chair. The already-worn wood creaked under his weight. 

Elena’s lips were cracked, having worked out in the cold from the first light of day to the late dusk hours, but her smile never flattered. 

Anton was her rock and she was his, having stuck through everything in life together. 

When his father left, not needing to be weighed down by the responsibilities of being a father to a baby who would never grow up to be as much a man as he is, she cried and cried to her mother, a strong widow who was more than welcome to take care of her daughter’s pride and joy despite finally feeling her age. 

When Anton went through growth spirit after growth spirit, having to retuck his shirt into his waistbands and feel the breeze on his constant plumbers crack, she took all the old clothes her late father and dead-beat ex-husband left behind, stitching up whatever tears and rips were in the fabrics and sending him off, praising Anton for looking like such a big, strong boy when really, the clothes just made him look like the homeless man he’d see during his bike rides to the overpriced supermarket in the next town over.

<“Oh Anton, my sweet boy,”> She came over, cupping his cheeks riddled with freckles (they were more prominent on colder days), ance, and scars from said ance and placed one of her sloppy, motherly kisses on his forehead. His curly auburn bangs stuck to her lips as she pulled back. 

The sight of his mother’s smile made his hands shake and slap against his thighs with untamed happiness.

<”Go put on something nice. We’ll pick up your grandmother and go out for something to eat. I’ve saved up enough for us.”> Elena’s thick eyelashes were glistening with tears and up close, Anton could see the bags under her hazelnut eyes.

After fancying themselves up and picking up his grandmother, they made the half-hour drive into the city. To regular standards, the restaurant was barely even considered fancy, it was just some family-owned diner with mediocre food and greasy tables, but the sight of the food made Anton enthusiastic while reciting the prayers his grandmother made them say before meals. 

Whilst in the midst of practically shoveling food in his mouth, Anton’s grandmother spoke up. 

<”Enkel (grandson)...?”> She spoke in a weak yet gentle voice. It had lost its verbal liveliness, but only those closest to her could understand when emotions ran high through her words. Anton looked up, his lips coated with the spicy broth from the Potato Gulasch he was practically inhaling, before quickly wiping his mouth with a crumbled napkin. His grandmother taught him better.

<”Has your mind cleared from the last time we talked?”> There was slyness in her tone as Elena raised her eyebrow and finished chewing a particularly chewy piece of beef in her Tafelspitz.

<”Hmm? What’s this about?”> She questioned rightfully so, if there was something bothering her son, she should be the first to know!

Anton blushed and began pushing around the vegetables in his stew. <”I…umm, I wanted to ask out a girl. Remember the one I was paired with for that project?”> 

Elean seemed to perk up even more, playfully bumping shoulders with her son.

<“Wunderbar! (Wonderful!) Oh, my sweet boy!”> She gushed and grinned wildly. In other circumstances, Anton would’ve laughed bashfully and gone pink, but in the middle of a busy restaurant where any of his schoolmates could’ve walked in or been within earshot of this conversation, he ducked his head and mumbled incoherence, embarrassed.

<”Yeah…I just, don’t know how to though. She’s so sweet and pretty I just… she’s too good for me.”>

 Elean blinked at this, her smile gone and looking rather serious as his grandmother shook her head.

<”Enkel, we talked about this. You need to-.”>

<”No girl is too good for my son!”> Anton’s grandmother was cut off by Elean’s sharp words. She was frowning and looked rather upset. Not at Anton himself, but at his mind and his insecurities and the words he dared to utter, belittling himself and his abilities.

<”Whoever this girl is, she’d be lucky to have someone such as yourself, my own flesh and blood, ask her out on a date! Good confessions come from the heart of someone just as good, and if she can’t understand how blessed and pure you are by your words, then she doesn’t deserve shit from you!”> 

Elean’s cheeks were flushed by the time she finished her rant before they got even redder.

<”Ah! Entschuldigung, Mutter! Bist bald! (Excuse me, mother! I’m sorry!)”> She hung her head at her grandmother while Anton just stared at his mother in astonishment. 

Just his mother’s words alone filled him with such… confidence. He felt his hands shake and suddenly his mind cleared with only one thing in mind; asking this girl out.

His grandmother only smiled and let her ankle knock against her daughter’s in a silent acceptance. 

The rest of the dinner went well, Elean even treated them to some desserts. The ride home was filled with comfortable silence and the rumble of Anton’s stomach as it tried to adjust to the spices that laced the Potato Gulasch. 

Anton smiled to himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. The reflection in the mirror was no longer someone he scrunched his face up at, but a young man who was slowly breaking out of his shell, like a caterpillar wiggling its way out of its chrysalis.

With a full stomach and his mother’s words still echoing in his head, Anton nuzzled into his flat pillows, forgetting all his other school troubles and only thinking about the happy-go-lucky brunette who went the extra mile to say hi to him in the halls.

(He also doesn't think he’s ever farted so much in his life. His stomach growled and rolled from the spices that were now coating his insides and attacking his bowels. His asshole was on fire that night.)

It was about 20 minutes before lights out, the usual sounds of the Kortac base were now mellowed down as the night hours passed. 

König balled his thin sheets up in his calloused fists before jerking up in bed, death staring at the hickory door of his room. König wasn’t a pussy, he wasn’t gonna disappoint his mother, and he didn’t his rank as colonel by letting his insecurities get the best of him!

Social anxiety be damned, this mountain of an Austrian man knew how to get shit done when shit needed to be done!

Without a moment’s hesitation, she threw open her door and made her way down the halls of the barracks, getting stares from those who were still up and about. She made a beeline for Horangi’s room and wasted no time giving the door a sturdy three knocks.

“I- just a second!” Horangi’s accented voice was heard through the door along with some rustling. König stood straight and waited for the top of the Korean man’s head to come into view.

Horangi appeared in his doorway wearing some casual attire; a pair of black cargos, a V-necked gray shirt, and a simple black hoodie. His usual pair of sunglasses were nowhere in sight, not even hanging on the collar of his shirt, and his eyes, dark and shimmery like black diamonds, looked up at König with such innocence.

König could tell he wasn’t wearing his binder, not that he made it a habit to look! But when you’re tall enough to see the curve of everyone’s boobs from above, it was sometimes the second thing you noticed about a person.

(Sometimes König wished they had boobs. The mere thought made their face flush and they felt vulnerable even within the walls of her own room. Someday, she’d work up the courage to find a bra that'd fit her chest and cry at the sight of how beautiful his body, which he spent years hating, could be.)

The sight of Horangi made him instinctively hunch his shoulders and swallow hard. König blinked before clearing they spoke, “Ah, good evening, Hor- I mean, Hong-Jin!” 

Hong-Jin made it a point that his callsign was indeed NOT his actual name and that during their casual time together, he preferred that name over Horangi (it especially sounded nice when it came from König’s lips, but he would never say that, no matter how blunt he could be).

“Hello, König. What brings you around this late?” Hong-Jin said as he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and without the playful scrunch of his eyes, König would’ve thought the worst, and all his confidence would’ve gone down the drain. 

König had yet to tell Hong-Jin his real name.

Anton is not a colonel, but a citizen. She was beneath the sniper hood König adorned when on base and during missions. Anton was a mama’s boy who was too big for their own good and although hated their dad, wished he hadn’t left so that they might’ve had some sort of male role to look up to. 

But that was a can of worms she wasn’t ready to open, it’d probably go bad by the time she was ready to even think about cracking open its rusted aluminum top.

König gripped the fabric of his pants to keep them from shaking. “Can I come in? I wanted to…talk…?”

He inwardly cringed as his voice went up an octave as his sentence progressed, but Hong-Jin just smiled, well, König assumed he smiled based on how his eyes squinted (it was hard to see when he had his mask on), and stepped out the way to allow König into his room.

Making sure to duck, König went and sat on the desk chair. They were familiar with the arrangement of Hong-Jin’s room from the number of times the two had hung out in it… as friends of course!

Hong-Jin plopped back down on his bed, there were some stray clothes lying about but otherwise, it was tidy, as tidy as a ‘lived-in’ room could be.

“So what’s up, König? Roze told me you two talked earlier.”

König visibly stiffened, heart stopping for a second before pounding at his rib cage like a rabid animal and it was suddenly 80 degrees under his hood.

(Fahrenheit, of course. I’m American.)

“Really? What…what about?” König squeaked out. (What the hell, König didn’t squeak . He’s a grown-ass dude, the fuck would he be squeaking for?!)

Hong-Jin just shrugged smugly. “I don’t know, you wanna tell me? That was your conversation.” His everyday, average teasing seemed to be too much for poor, little ( NOT little. Remember? This was a middle-aged man we’re talking about.) König.

Their chest puffed and they exhaled loudly, almost unnecessarily loud. With averted eyes and sweaty palms, she spoke up again.

“Y-yeah, I had something to admit.” Hong-Jin blinked and if it hadn’t been for his mask, König would’ve seen the pink flush in his cheeks.

Hong-Jin shuffled on the bed but kept silent, pleading for him to continue.

König let out another sigh again, “I’ve been thinking about this for…some time now. Maybe three months after you transferred to KorTac and since we started really talking to each other,”

Her leg started bouncing and the desk chair let out little squeaks. Hong-Jin didn’t seem to care, listening intently to every word that slipped from König’s mouth.

“And, I’m not sure if it’s too early or if you're completely uninterested feel free to tell me off, but I’d love the opportunity to-.”

“ God yes .”

Kong blinked at the desperation and eagerness that dripped from Horangi’s agreement.

Hong-Jin blinked, his body leaning forward and hands gripping his knees, before leaning back and blushing hard.

Oh, such a pretty pink.

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Well, is ‘Yes’ the answer you were hoping for in response to your question?” Hong-Jin’s voice was a mixture of bashful and smug. 

König crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them the opposite way. “I…umm, well it depends! Can…can I finish my sentence?” König huffed in amusement. 

Hong-Jin nodded, so with a little bit less anxiousness, König spoke up again.

“I wanted to ask if you…umm, well, if you wanted to go out?…with me! Not just like in general, but like ya’ know…-“

“On a date?” Hong-Jin’s voice was now smug and he was definitely smirking under his mask. 

That sly cat…

König just nodded and fidgeted with the drawstring of his sweatpants. “ Ja. Well, I guess I already know your answer ‘cause you just said yes, but I wanted you to actually know what you were agreeing to! I’m not even sure if you like me or not, or just pitying me! Which is completely fine if that’s the-!”

“König…” Hong-Jin’s voice was now soft, a natural rumble from his chest, akin to a noise a tiger would make (haha, see what I did there?).

König just fluttered her eyelashes and swallowed, “Hmm?”

“I would love to go on a date with you. I do like you if that somehow wasn’t clear enough.”

So that’s how it started, two predators- a bear with the heart of a rabbit and a tiger who had a knack for teasing, learning to be soft with each other.

What people don’t realize about going from friends to lovers is how similar the relationship is to the previous friendship. You go about your normal routines with a little bit of PDA and flirting added into it (and a lot of fucking, Horangi’s sex drive was higher than König’s). Soon, you’ll be moving in with each other, spending late mornings in each other’s arms, sharing clothes, and swapping spit.

But like all humans, we have flaws and weaknesses. Whether or not you choose to deal with a partner’s flaws shows more about your character than theirs. And if you're strong enough to stay with someone despite feeling yourself physically recoil at the sight of their icks, then that shows your love and devotion towards them.

But one little ick wouldn’t ruin a relationship, right?

Till death do them part…although, it’d be years before those words would even be muttered.

Feel free to give criticism and feedback via ask, I’d love to know how to get better and to hear what y'all have to say about my writings!

Have a good day/night! :3c - alienkiid

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©kiidwritings 2020 - 2023; all rights to the stories are reserved to @kiidwritings! please do not plagiarize, modify, edit, translate, or repost any of my work!

[rivangel]

Lev, I have been itching to request angst. I’m sorry ok 😭

We know how much Levi is afraid to lose the love of his life in canon world. So Levi break up with his fem s/o , to protect each other from the heartbreak of their death. However, Levi was unaware of her disease. Both of them were a mess after the breakup. Her disease were only known to Erwin and the medics of the Survey Corps. One day, his s/o fained her duties (you can add her duty for example cleaning the hallways). Hange came rushing to Levi about her, he rushed to the infirmary only to learn about her disease.

It’s on your hands, do as you wish.

HI san - thank you for your request (and letting me change some things lol) ! i had a ton of fun with this one, like the words came so easily

i expanded on the world of the Underground a bit + i have my own headcanons about it, so i feel the need to preface that the Underground has 11 distrcts - the lower ones (say 8-11) are much more impoverished / ridden with crime.

seeing how the area is v destitute, i made the way Levi (and everybody) speaks more sloppy/basic. i rly hope you like it :3 and that there are tears

btw, if i could title your request, it'd be 'Thicker than Thieves'

summary: Levi is horrified to lose you, which is precisely why he does so. Little does he know, you don’t have much time left.

content/warnings: terminal illness, (very) protective Levi, bit of a whump, Isabel is cute as always, takes place in the Underground, some tears, angst

wc: 3.5k

“I never want to see you again.”

The word leaves you like a ghost speaks it; between an endless breath that doesn’t quite reach the top of your lungs: “Fuck.”

A single curse isn’t nearly enough to tie up all your feelings in a bow with, but your mind escapes you. It’s all you can think of.

Not enough. It isn't the first time you weren’t enough, whether it be for something or someone—or you might as well think so. Levi left you with no explanation.

Like any other goddamn day, he dropped down from the cobbled bridge overhead—below which you still sit, unfeeling of the gravel digging into your backside, and the stone colored like stained shadows at your back—but he didn’t stay long.

If only he had the gall to tell you he never wants to see you again anywhere besides the place you shared your first kiss.

Plopping down in the muck and gravel and dirt was always asking too much whenever you met up, but he didn’t even lean against the stony wall. He told you, “I have something to tell you,” and then he told you and he wouldn’t answer a thing—and he left you.

Gone, just like that.

“What the fuck?” you hiss. You lurch forward and scrub your face with your scraped palms. They're left trembling and wet with sticky tears. “Fuck.”

What did I do? Was the big question, but only after it became clear he wasn’t joking; as clear as a stupidly clean knife’s edge, which cut just as deep. As ornery as your pride is, if there was a thing you did wrong, or something you said that rubbed him wrong, you would’ve apologized on the spot. That’s precisely what you did anyway: “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. If you’d just talk to me—”

The relationship you and he share (shared) was a flurry of confusing first times for the both of you. You must’ve did something, because if Levi got sick of you and that was it, he wouldn’t have strode away after like he was guilty of some heinous crime.

You can’t remember the last time you ever saw Levi smile—he usually has the emotional propensity of a brick wall—but things seemed good. Years of knowing him convinced you of that. Hell, you met him back when Kenny the Ripper was still around. As shy as he is, too, he buried his hand in your hair and on all accounts was very close to you; you were thicker than thieves.

Maybe it’s for the better, though. Maybe. That suspicion that sprouted in you months ago of being sick has all but grown into a tall, morbid weed.

You’re dying. He didn’t say so like he knew, but even if that’s the case you don’t think you could bring yourself to blame him.

A shred of dark feeling bubbles up in your throat in a manic sob. Then another, and another. At the very least, you wish he told you why.

Days pass, and Levi gets to wishing that he told you why.

The more time he devotes to replaying the whole event in his head, the more rancid the shame that licks at his insides. He owed you that much, but he doesn’t regret doing it, and he’d do it again.

There’s a reason Farlan and Isabel are the only people he considers his friends: they know him like a haunted mansion they don’t dare step into. Meanwhile, you took up residence there and made it a home. If you were forced to leave it—leave him—he would be wrecked.

You came to know him inside and out, and that was a major fucking issue, because he did too. He found refuge in you; that is, if he’s still going along making stupid analogies.

Against his will, Kenny’s lessons still find him every once in a while. He always warned him that if someone gets close enough to slice your throat, they would; on the off-chance they didn't, you’d be so busy protecting their own that a third party would come up and slit your throat for you.

He doesn’t believe a lot of the crap Kenny spewed about anything that didn’t involve fighting, because the guy was no good at it and he even knew that.

But one day, one stupid day when you both landed yourselves in some real trouble, he got to wondering what he’d do if you met some shitty end, and when his breath broke and his heart wobbled, he made a choice.

It’s not like he has his whole life ahead of him, anyway. No one Underground does.

He’s busied himself with numbers in the ledger, and even though Farlan shoots him these looks like he knows, he doesn’t say anything. Isabel has taken to sharpening his knives for him, and cleaning up around the hideout anytime she isn’t pestering them on when they get to use the ODM gear next—but still, she hasn’t said anything.

Levi thinks they both know. Word travels fast no matter how you slice it down here—the Underground is only so big—and they’re your friends, too.

Days and days, shittier and shittier. It’s not like he likes talking much in the first place, but the blind could see that there’s something off about the lines around his eyes, or the way he carries himself like something’s pushing on his shoulders.

Today’s the same, except he’s much quieter than usual because of a dream he had last night. It had your face in it somewhere. It’s not like him, but he wants to remember what this one was about, this time. He’s past the point of feeling pathetic.

One leg crossed over the other, he's running a felt cloth up and down a glinting blade. What Isabel says stops him dead, though; his hand, his thoughts, his blood.

“What’re you talkin’ about?”

Isabel pauses braiding her hair with the tie stretched between three fingers. Both of them are staring at him now, ever so often glancing uneasily between each other.

Levi admits: the question came out harsh even for him, but these two are definitely hiding something.

Farlan quirks his brow, flipping a coin over his fingers. “That leg disease,” he explains. “Summa the guys are callin’ it atrophy now, since it’s becomin' a lot more common—down here at least.”

“Sure.” But he doesn’t give a shit about that part. It’s what Isabel said—“Issa real shame…”—followed by your name. “What’s she got to do with it?”

Isabel visibly deflates. Her braid is left loose and messy from her neglect to tie it up, and the mere sight sours Levi’s mood further.

She’s not scared, though. He knows her, and for some reason, Levi is as scary to her as a teddy bear. She’s relieved.

“See?” She glares daggers at Farlan. “Told you bro’s not mean enough to do it cuzza that. Asshole.”

“Farlan,” Levi snarls.

The man himself looks helplessly between the two of them. What these two discuss in their private time is none of Levi’s business most times, it’s true, but while it has to do with you, that rule doesn’t apply. Maybe he has no right, especially now, but you’ve lived under his skin for too many years for him not to care; he can’t even pretend not to care.

And why wouldn’t you say anything?—The atrophy comes from the lack of sunlight, and it takes a good few months to really sink its claws in. It wouldn’t be like you to ignore something so serious, but he still cares, so even though he did what was best, and it was the best choice–

“Shit, ‘Vi, I don’t know,” Farlan scoffs. “��Cause she wanted to be sure? ‘Cause she was worried how you might react? We figured you knew, since you went and–”

“What I do’s nunna your concern,” Levi cuts in, low and dangerous. “Tell me how long it’s been. When’d she tell you?”

He feels frozen in a block of ice, cold right down to the blood in his veins, but he’s on his feet. As he tucks his knife in his boot, Farlan begrudgingly informs him that you brought it up two months ago, give or take.

He pauses. He can’t tell whether he’s hurt or frenzied or pissed, but he only waits a moment before snatching his cloak off the hanging rack. With it hoisted over his shoulder, he thinks in a string of curses.

Two months alone is bad. It takes longer for some people, depending on whether they’ve seen the sun at all, what they eat, and a slew of other things. What matters the most is he knows for a fact that you were gutter-born, just like him. Already, the odds are stacked against you.

On the inside, he’s busy hating himself around a racing mind when Isabel prefaces that she wants to be helpful before launching into a story: how you had a bad fall not long ago. Rather, you fainted, and she and you were at a tavern deep in the 9th District so it gave her quite the scare–

“She still alive?”

Like a spry bobblehead, Isabel nods. “Last time I saw her was—” she counts on her fingers, “—couple days ‘go.”

“More specific.”

“Three.”

Good.

“I’ll look after things tonight,” Farlan states, like it’s already been decided.

In any other instance it would be, except going looking for you wouldn’t do a damn thing other than cause you more grief. He’s building a different plan in his mind. It’ll be longer than just the night.

Farlan looks incredulous. “A few days? What’s your plan, exactly?”

Levi decides he owes them at least a brief explanation. There’s some guys in the lower districts—garbage street-rat types—but they owe him, and the MP have their snake eyes set on that group in particular for a couple murders of some high-profile people. He can pull some strings and collect the cash rewards. Maybe some blackmail, too.

And for Levi to get done what he might just set out to, he needs to be on his own for this. Farlan spent his glory days in bigger gangs than Levi's, but he’s no killer, and Isabel is Isabel. It’s too dangerous, anyway.

Isabel would normally (immediately) argue against Levi going off on his own no matter what, but maybe there’s a dagger in the way he looks at them, or a dark shadow hanging around him; all she does is mope.

“Trust you, Levi,” Farlan mutters. He slips a deck of cards from his vest. It’s gonna be a long night. “Good luck.”

Isabel gives a small wave. “See you, bro..!”

“Yeah.”

A switchblade in his boot, his hood tucked over his forehead, Levi shuts the door behind him. If he can’t do a single thing right by you again, he can at least make it so you never see him anymore. Thing is, he doesn’t plan on dying in order to make that happen.

A few days later, Levi cringes around the sprain in his wrist, hefts his rucksack further over his shoulder, and shoves aside the board leading into the den you squat in (your fierce independence turned him down every time he offered you a permanent place to stay, but in your defense he only offered once); if you had to find a new place to stay, his friends would’ve said so.

He braces himself for the telltale stench of death, but finds only rotted wood and that same sweet hint of garbage the Underground carries everywhere.

You ought to be here, though. When the atrophy really starts setting in, you can’t get around much. Levi has seen plenty of sorry people slouched dead against this shack or that row of abandoned buildings on the side of the street. Once it finds you, it sinks its claws in.

You better be here.

It took him a week to get it all done—longer than the ‘few days’ he estimated—but it all worked out; or it will for you, anyway.

Your door has almost every hinge rusted into dust (Can’t believe I never fixed that for her), but he knocks anyway; in that special way so you know it’s him.

Nothing happens at first. Time croaks to a stop, and Levi holds his breath, but then your muffled voice finds him through the barrier.

“...Leave.” You sound weary. “I’m sick.”

“I know.”

A pause. “...Fine.”

He jimmies the handle, and limps inside.

“Shit, Lev’.” Your legs feel like barbed wire caked in molasses, but alarm forces you to your feet. “The hell happened to you?”

There’s a fat, ugly bruise on his cheek and a shoddy cast hugging one of his wrists. From what you can see of the thin button-up he has on, something happened to his torso, and it’s been bandaged. It’s the most pathetic you’ve ever seen him (which says something, considering just how long you've known him).

“Nothin’,” he grunts. “Why’re you standing? You’re sick.”

You scoff and carry yourself over to him. He clearly has no idea what to make of you, until you scoop his chin up with one finger to take a look at the bruise. He glares daggers, but doesn’t move.

“You are so full of shit.”

Your tone carries nothing, though, not even pity. Maybe it’s because he’s back after he was the one who never wanted to see your face again; could be, you’re exhausted; or it’s your legs and the fact that you’re dying.

He bats your hand away and trudges over to a rickety excuse for an old oak table. There’s a bag hefted on his back, which he drops down. Your frown deepens.

“And you’re limping?”

“Fell.”

You don’t believe him—in the broadest sense, you don’t believe him. For as long as you’ve known him, there’s never been a fight he hasn’t won; never been jumped, never laid in the street half-dead or high on junk.

If Levi is going to be vague—when it comes to troubles of his own, he always is—you’re not going to waste energy and likely run him off by pressing for answers. There must’ve been a ton of them, and they must’ve been smart; he must’ve worked alone, and halfway through, that contraption he uses to fly broke down. Only the worst-case scenario would’ve left him like this.

“What’d you bring?”

“Sit down,” he turns and leans against the table, “or not. You got a ride comin’ in a few minutes, but you don’t look like hot shit yourself.”

You’re pissed now. Though lead runs in your veins down there, you stubbornly copy him by crossing your arms. You demand to know just what the hell he means, what happened, what he brought, and whether he showed up to your door one more time just to spite you, or what—

Darkness eats at the edges of your vision, and you lose that train of thought. You’re just so tired. You seek help from the wall to stay standing, but you don’t even make it that far before an arm much stronger than your own loops around your waist.

Maybe he isn’t perfectly big in terms of men, but Levi drags you along perfectly fine on his own, all the while grumbling things you can’t hear—partly because you’re on the verge of some dark, dreamless sleep.

“Look, you’re gonna be fine,” he’s saying. You think so, but his voice is warbling in and out. You feel yourself touch down on a bench, located not too far from that rucksack he brought with him.

You shake your head, blinking hard to rid your vision of static. “What're you sayin’...?”

“Why’re you cryin’? I said you’re gonna be fine. I—” he sighs, “—I’m not good at these types of things. S’why I didn’t explain. I got you a hospital stay. It’s not Sina, but it’s the best I could do. They’ll fix your legs. You’ll be fine.”

The words come in a flurry. You wrench your eyes open and smear the wetness off your cheeks. “You did what?”

He kneels before you quite earnestly, one hand rubbing your knee, because it’s shaking, and won’t quit. While it’s damn-near impossible to tell when he’s joking most times, you don’t think that’s the case. His lips are pressed into a thin line, and his eyes are glossy.

He swallows. “The bag has extra shit in it you’ll need to survive. Don’t lose it, and don’t get it stolen.”

Rapidly, you shake your head. It’s shock, full-blown; you must look like a dunce. Your train of thought runs a bright white blank. “For me? Why?”

His lips twitch. “Dumbass question.”

Incredulously, you snort.

“Can’t you just thank me or somethin’?” The sarcasm is thick. “Do somethin’ besides shake your head like you’re gonna say no when it’s already been paid for.”

Reality hits you like a fat bullet. Your hand falls over his and you scoop up his chin again. Again, he doesn’t fight you, but this time you feel everything.

You need to know, “What about you? You and Izzy and Farlan deserve to get up there more than me. I can’t even come back if I get better,” you shake your head, “The stairs are too expensive.”

“I made a choice,” he murmurs, voice like gravel.

“Th-Then…”

Abruptly, he takes the hand you have propped beneath his chin (struggling not to wince) and plants it down. You hold each other’s hands. This is goodbye, or it must be, but he just can’t say it. You can’t say it, either.

He doesn’t look at you. “You got a chance to live now. I’ll be fine, and they’ll be fine ‘cause I’m looking after ‘em. Get better, find a job, but get the hell outta Sina, and—”

“Levi.”

“—a-and don’t ever come back here. Else it was a total waste of my fuckin’ time.”

You lean forward. “You’re this fucked up ’cause of me?”

He swallows hard, and squeezes your hand. “You deaf? I said I’ll be fine.” And he tries his damndest to mean that.

You squeeze back, as if you mean to break it. Gods, you’re fucking horrified. You’ve never loved a person more in your whole life. If you told him that now—if you even tried to pat him on the head and thank him—you wouldn’t be able to bear leaving. You’re paralyzed where you sit.

“Okay,” you whisper. Rapidly, you blink blurriness from your vision. This could be the last time you ever see him. Those words claw at your tongue. “You find a way out too.”

That’s a promise he can’t make. He looks away instead, but then his head shoots up.

“Carriage,” he tells you.

You hear it too. You swallow your tears. “Levi. I—Thank you. Thank you.”

Curtly, he nods. It’s easy to tell, he’s trying to be like a brick wall, but his eyes look like glass shards. He rises to his feet, and brings you along with him; arm tight around your waist, yours draped over his shoulders. He doesn't forget the rucksack.

Outside, the stagecoach opens the door for you. The interior doesn’t look too shabby. Whenever you’re ready, is what the man tells you, but you don’t think you ever will be.

Levi helps you inside.

“I’ll see you later,” you tell him, but it sounds more like a hiss and it feels more like you’re lying.

Once you’re situated in the seat, he nods again.

“Yeah.” His voice breaks. “See you.”

He knocks the door shut, the stagecoach snaps a whip, and the last you see of him is his retreating form when you wrench your face close to the glass and look back. That’s it, then. Just like that.

If you take a single moment to be in solitude with your thoughts—not at all unlike how you’ve spent the last week, save for that visit from Isabel—you’ll break. At your side is the rucksack, which you drag into your lap and start to root through. You wonder what he thought you needed.

There’s the necessities—some clothes, a hairbrush, toothpaste—and things only Levi would deem necessary: clean handkerchiefs, a tiny bottle of mouthwash, a lockpick, knife, nail file…

You smile, but for some reason the tightness in your throat grows tighter and burns like fire. In one of the side pockets, you find a rigid card—meaning it was expensive. You handle it like a fine feather.

Almost completely filling one side is a charcoal sketch. It’s shaded, and full of four portrait-style drawings of everyone—even yourself. Levi’s crossed arms, Isabel’s two thumbs up.

It’s familiar, somehow. You realize someone, likely Farlan, took that stupid doodle you made once and used it as a guide. It’s incredible.

Your fingers shake as you turn it over. Nine words, two little sentences. It’s Levi’s small, janky handwriting.

I had Farlan draw this for you. Be safe.

What did he say back then?: “The bag has extra shit in it you’ll need to survive.”

You choke on a sob, and finally, tears spill down your cheeks. Even if you never see those three again, at least you have this, and you’ll do your damndest to make Levi’s sacrifice worth it.

You have to. You must.

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Aim For The Heart | Chapter 16: Heartstrings

Pairing: hitman!jungkook x female reader

Genre: romance, drama, angst, fluff

WC: 7.3k

Warnings for this chapter: strong language, teenage heartbreak :(, two bumbling fools that are emotionally constipated, I think that’s it

summary; Jeon Jungkook is an infamous hitman, known for his inability to fail at whatever job is thrown his way. At least, up until now. Y/n, a kind-hearted and full of life teacher, is his newest target. Jeon isn’t sure who would put a hit on this seemingly innocent girl, but fortunately, that isn’t his problem. All he has to do is pull the trigger.

Previous > Next

6 years ago:

"Mina, I'm so nervous!"

Mina laughs lightly at the way you bounce up and down on your bed, "It'll be fine, ____! He'll totally like you back, girl don't even worry about it!"

You let out a nervous giggle as you jump off your bed and run to your closet, "What should I wear?" 

"____, you literally have a school uniform," Mina laughs again. 

You turn and pout at her, "Heyy, I know that! I was asking which one I should wear, the burgundy socks or the white ones? Tie or no tie? Blazer or no blazer? Long-sleeved or short?"

Mina shakes her head in amusement, "You're cute and he'll think so no matter what you wear," She rubs her chin in thought, "But definitely the white socks, the burgundy tie with the grey sweater vest instead of the blazer, and long sleeves."

You do a little dancy dance of excitement before grabbing the decided clothes out of your closet and hurrying to pull them on. Mina is already dressed in her uniform, waiting patiently as she sits on your bed. 

When you're all ready to go, you grab the little box on your bedside table and run out of your room, causing Mina to stumble after you. 

_______

By the time lunch rolls around, you're buzzing with excitement at the prospect of getting to see him. 

Not to mention being able to finally tell him how you feel. 

Mina is by your side the whole way to your locker as you grab the little box out. 

She nudges your shoulder as you two walk to the cafeteria, "You can do this, ____."

You nod, your tummy all in knots to the point that you're not sure if you'll even be able to eat. 

Despite that, you finish everything on your tray while your legs bounce in anticipation. 

Once you two make your way outside to the field, you are trying your hardest not to hightail it back inside. Mina holds your arm though, preventing you from doing so. 

"You can't back out now, babe."

Mina's words terrify you but you know she's telling the truth, you can't just go on without at least trying. 

A bunch of kids are milling around outside, some of the boys showing off to the girls as they size how tall they are compared to each other.

Then you see him, in all his glory. 

He's standing in the field with a few other boys from his class, chatting. 

His dark blonde hair glistens in the sunlight as he laughs at something one of his friends said. 

You feel your heart leap to your throat and you freeze, "I- I can't..."

"____," Mina turns to you, placing her hands on your shoulders, "I am not about to let you give up now, not right before you do it! Just go over there. If you can't speak, then just hand it to him, simple as that. He'll understand when he opens it anyway."

You nod stiffly, "What about his friends?" Your voice shakes, "I'm scared to do it in front of them."

Mina nods, "I got this." 

You're about to protest but she's gone, already marching her way over to them. 

You watch in embarrassment as Mina taps one of the boys on the shoulder. He turns and smiles when he sees her. Mina is gorgeous, of course he'd smile when she spoke to him. 

You're really her only friend, as she is yours, but the boys are constantly swarming around her nonetheless. 

You start to feel self-conscious when you see the boy making your heart thump heavily look at Mina and smile brightly. 

Shoot, what if he likes her?

You can't compare to her. 

Besides, she's your best friend, you'd give him up for her if she wanted him.

You'd do anything for her. 

You snap out of it when you see Mina leading the two boys that were with him away, then she gestures at you behind her back. 

You force your feet to move as you hurry over to him before he moves on to talk with someone else. 

Just as he's turning, you're coming up. 

He almost bumps into you, a surprised gasp slipping from his lips as he notices you. 

"Oh, sorry! I didn't see you there."

You smile crookedly, "It's- It's fine!" You squeak out. 

His smile widens as he looks at you, "You're ____, right? Tenth grade?" 

You nod like a darn bobblehead, your words suddenly stuck in your throat. 

He's so handsome. 

And cute. 

And sweet. 

And thoughtful.

And-

"I'm Jimin," He reaches a hand out to you, "It's nice to officially meet you."

You take his hand, letting him shake it as his bright smile continues to beam. 

"I know, um," You need to get it together, "You're in eleventh."

He nods, "Yes, only one and a half years left of these ridiculous uniforms," He chuckles. 

You nod stupidly, "Uh, yeah," A nervous laugh slips from your mouth.

Just do it, rip it off like a band-aid.

"I uh- I have something for you."

He looks at you with curiosity, his pretty eyes glancing down to the box in your hands. 

Then his smile fades. 

Your heart stops in your chest when you see the look of recognition on his face. 

He's been confessed to before, of course he has. 

Your shoulders slump. 

You just want the ground to open up and swallow you. 

He looks back up at you and gives you a gentle smile. 

The smile of rejection. 

"____, you're really sweet-"

Oh, no. 

"I would say yes in a heartbeat, really. You're different from the other girls here, you care about people, I can tell. I've seen it-"

"But?" Your voice comes out as a whisper.

His smile turns sad, "But there's a girl I like already. I'm sorry, ____."

It feels like someone just tore out your heart and stomped it into the ground. 

You don't say anything. 

You can't. 

It hurts too much. 

You just open the box and pull out the note, tucking it into your palm before closing the box again and handing it to him. 

Jimin takes it reluctantly, still watching you carefully, his eyes sad and regretful.

"____-"

"I hope you like the cookies," You smile at him, finally meeting his eyes, "Just think of it as a friendship gift, nothing more."

Jimin nods, still looking guilty as hell. 

"I hope it works out for you Jimin, I really do."

"Thank you, ____."

Then you turn and walk away, pieces of your heart falling behind you with each step you take. 

A minute later you hear Mina calling to you, but you don't stop. 

You hurry inside and to the locker rooms. 

You're hiding in a stall when you hear the door to the girls' locker room open and Mina's voice call out, "____, are you in here?"

You don't answer and a moment later the door shuts, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You curl up, pulling your knees to your chest as the tears finally come.

You wish you could just disappear. 

The thought that you need to see him the rest of this school year and the next before he leaves is sickening. 

Your heart has never hurt more than it does now, it feels like a bunch of swords are impaling it over and over again. 

Fourth grade. 

You had liked him since you were in fourth grade, he was in sixth. 

It was the day that you had tripped and spilled your lunch tray all over yourself. 

This angel had appeared, pulling you to your feet with the brightest smile you'd ever seen. He had taken you to get another uniform in the office and even got you another tray of food. 

He only ever said hello in passing after that, but you were infatuated. 

You thought you had loved him. 

Another sob cuts through the silence in the locker room as you realize you don't want it anymore.

You hope you never fall for anyone again. 

Love is just a terrible joke, made to hurt the weakest, the ones that fall for it.

________________

"____?" 

The handsome man standing before you makes your heart lurch.

What kind of joke is this?

You take a step back and clear your throat, "P-P-Park J-Jimin?"

His smile returns as he lets out a small laugh of disbelief, "You remember me?"

You nod reluctantly. 

Jimin looks into your eyes just like he did that one day in elementary school, an angel appearing out of nowhere to save you. 

"But, how?" He asks, clearly bewildered, "After the accident, you never..."

You suddenly realize you're standing there like an idiot, so you open the door wider and gesture for him to come in. 

He walks in and sets the pizza you ordered on your kitchen table. 

"D-Do you have t-t-time to talk?" You ask bravely. 

Jimin nods, "Of course."

You two end up on the couch, an awkward silence falling around you. 

You can't look him in the eyes because every time you do, he's just staring at you like you're the lost puppy he'd been looking for for years. 

"It's been so long," Jimin says quietly, "It's been like six years since we actually spoke."

You nod, "The d-d-day you rejected me." 

When you look up at him he looks heartbroken, so you give him a small smile, "I'm j-just giving you a hard t-t-time."

Jimin nods sadly, "I'm so confused. I just- I thought you had forgotten me after you were in the hospital..."

You say nothing so he continues, "No, you did. You did forget about me, I tried talking to you and-"

"I know," You whisper, "I'm s-s-sorry Jimin, but I lied."

That makes him freeze.

"You and M-Mina were the only two I r-r-really remembered."

It's silent for a minute, then he whispers, hurt, "But why?"

You look back at him, "It h-h-hurt too much to talk to y-you. I'm sorry."

Jimin nods sadly, "Don't apologize, I understand. But, how did you remember me?"

You laugh, embarrassed, "I had k-kind of been in l-l-love with you since elementary s-school."

Jimin's eyes bulge out of his head, "What?"

"Yeah, since w-we met. After you had h-h-helped me clean the mess I made." Jimin looks lost for a minute, then his eyes light up with recognition, "Oh! Oh, really?"

You nod, another laugh slipping out. 

"So, you didn't lose your memory of me...because you still had your memories from elementary school?"

Another nod.

"But then, how did you remember me rejecting you?" The words taste bitter in his mouth.

You shrug, "I don't know, I j-j-just did. A few th-things came b-back to me after leaving the h-hospital."

"I'm sorry that had to be one of them," Jimin whispers. 

"It's o-okay, you had n-no obligation to like me b-back," You take a deep breath, already feeling better after getting that off your chest, "Whatever h-happened to the girl y-y-you had liked? Did you a-ask her out?" 

Jimin nods with a sad smile, "Yeah."

"A-And?"

"We dated until college...then I found out she cheated on me and we broke up."

Your heart breaks at that, "J-Jimin, I'm so-sorry."

"Don't be, it was for the best."

You sit in more silence for a bit, but this time it feels more comfortable. 

Then Jimin speaks up again, "So what are you up to these days, ____? Any special man in your life?" He wiggles his eyebrows at you jokingly. 

You laugh, "I am a k-k-kindergarten t-teacher."

Jimin's eyes light up, "Really? Congratulations, ____. You seriously deserve it."

"Th-Thank you. And w-what about you?"

Jimin sighs and gestures at his outfit, "Clearly I'm not as successful as you," You laugh and shake your head as he continues, "I'm just working this delivery job until I get my foot in the door for some journalist positions."

Your eyes grow wide, "R-Really?"

He nods, "I've always wanted to be a reporter, a journalist, something like that. It's a lot harder than it looks though."

You nod, "W-Well I'm rooting for y-you."

"Thank you," He smiles warmly at you, "You were always the sweetest."

You blush at that and Jimin continues, "You never answered my previous question," He squints at you playfully as he points at you, "Any special guys?"

You're about to shake your head, then Jungkook pops into your brain. 

His dark eyes penetrating your thoughts, his rosebud lips sneaking into your mind. 

Jimin sees you hesitate and a knowing smile grows on his face, "Ah-ha! There is someone!"

You look at him, blushing profusely, "Th-There isn't-"

"Liar!" Jimin cackles, clapping his hands, "You are so in love!"

His words startle you, "I'm n-not! It isn't l-like that."

Jimin wipes at the gleeful tears in his eyes as he leans closer to you, inspecting your face carefully. 

"I know that look, ____. You're smitten."

You splutter, "I-I-I am n-not smitten!"

Jimin smirks at you and you fight the urge to smack him.

Then he glances around your living room, "It's beautiful in here, did you decorate it yourself?"

You nod proudly, glad he's changed the subject. 

You two make small talk for a few more minutes, just catching up on life. 

Then Jimin looks at his watch, "Shit, I gotta go. Bossman will be livid with me for taking so long," He stands up and you follow him to the door. 

"Thanks for having me, ____. It was wonderful to catch up with you."

You smile brightly, "I'm s-s-so glad that we were able to m-meet again."

Jimin gives you one last smile as he walks out the door, but before you can close it, he turns around, "Do you..."

You raise an eyebrow in question. 

"Do you think we could meet up again sometime? Grab a coffee or something?"

You nod happily, "I w-w-would love that."

You end up exchanging numbers before he hurries on his way. 

Closing the door, a huge smile spreads on your face. 

Park Jimin. 

Your first love. 

Delivering a pizza to your door. 

Who would've thought?

After a moment to process, you start to giggle uncontrollably. 

What the heck just happened?

_____________

Jungkook is jogging up the stairs leading to your apartment when a pizza delivery guy comes down at the same time. 

He smiles at Jungkook and moves past him. 

Thinking nothing of it, Jungkook hurries to your door and knocks three times, waiting anxiously. 

The door opens rather quickly like you'd been standing there. 

"Ji- oh..."

Your eyes are wide as you stare at Jungkook.

He gives you a small smile, "Um, hi."

He sees you swallow thickly as you observe him, it takes you a minute to respond.

"H-Hi."

Jungkook bites his lip, not sure how to go about saying what he wants to say next. 

"W-What are y-you doing here?" You beat him to it. 

The way you say it makes his stomach turn a little. 

When he doesn't respond, you sigh and reach up to rub your tired eyes, "J-Jungkook..."

He wishes he could say something, anything. 

But it's like every single word he's ever known is suddenly gone out of his brain and he knows nothing. 

You look so sleepy, the events from the past week are probably weighing on you right now.

Jungkook thinks as his gaze drifts over your exhausted face, his heart pulling apart in his chest as Mina's story comes barreling back into his mind. 

After another beat of silence, Jungkook finally finds his voice and you decide to be honest with him at the same time. 

"____, will you go somewhere with me-"

"J-Jungkook I'm t-tired of th-this-"

You both shut up and look at the other. 

Jungkook's heart sinks in his chest at your words. 

Your own heart feels like someone is poking at it with a sharp stick. 

"What?" Jungkook whispers.

You cover your face with your hands, "I- I j-just..."

"Can I come in? Please?" Jungkook asks hopefully, wanting to correct things before shit hits the fan.

You nod and open the door wider for him to slip inside. 

He immediately notices the pizza box on the table and his mind wanders back to the guy passing him earlier. He lets it go as he stands there, waiting for you to shut the door. 

You do, then you walk over to the couch and plop down, curling your legs up and tucking them near you as you grab a pillow and hold it tightly to your chest. 

Jungkook takes a few very deep and very calming breaths before walking over to the couch to sit down. 

He needs to just keep breathing, or else he'll mess shit up again with his stupidity. 

You fidget quietly as Jungkook stares at the Barbie movies in the glass cabinet under the TV. He doesn't know why he can't seem to look away from them. 

"She just finds comfort in things like coloring, watching movies, eating sweets. Her brain was damaged, badly. But it's gotten so much better since then, she's made so much progress. She might act like a kid sometimes, but she isn't one and doesn’t think she is. ____ was innocent before and she's innocent now-"

Jungkook's breath hitches as he remembers Mina's words. 

"Did y-you speak t-to M-Mina?" 

Jungkook turns to you when you speak up quietly, noticing the way you won't even look at him. Your eyes are locked on the pillow in front of you as you pick at the loose threads. 

"Yeah," He mumbles back. 

You finally raise your eyes to his, "I- I think you sh-should leave."

Jungkook's heart stutters painfully. 

"____, I need to talk to you."

"A-About what?"

"I-..." What does he say? He needs to get you out of here, he's run out of time, "I know this sounds dumb, but would you go somewhere with me? Just for a little bit."

You just stare at him, your eyes reflecting a pain he's never seen in you before, even after he was horrible to you in the rain, even after his dumb ass forced you to go home and ruined your day. 

This pain is a first. 

He shifts his body towards you more, "____, what's going on? Are you oka-"

"No."

He freezes, his mind short-circuiting at your bitter response. 

"No, I'm n-not. I'm n-n-not okay."

You can see the way his eyes flicker back and forth between yours and it makes your heart race. 

You can't handle this. 

You don't like pain, you don't like it. 

You always run from it. 

Maybe you are just a child. 

More reason to put an end to this anyway. 

The insecurities swarming your head finally come out, in an angry huff of air, startling Jungkook when you stand up abruptly, still gripping the pillow. 

"I n-n-need you to leave."

Jungkook stands up too, his tall frame looming over you and making you look down at the ground.

"I can't," He mutters.

Your eyes trail up to his, anger burning in them. 

Why is life so unfair?

Why can't someone just like you, for you? 

Why does reality always have to come and bite you in the butt?

"Go to M-Mina," You seethe. 

Jungkook looks at you like you're crazy, his mind going in circles trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about.

"____, what?"

"You h-h-heard me," You swallow the lump in your throat. 

Curse this stupid stutter. 

You can't even tell someone something and be taken seriously. 

Jungkook shakes his head slowly, his confused gaze locked on your angered one. 

"Why would I want to go to her?"

You scoff, making Jungkook take a step back to observe you in disbelief. 

What happened to you?

Were you really that mad about him asking you for her number? He didn't need it because he liked that brat, he needed it because he needs to save you. 

But you don't know that. 

How could he expect you to?

"Just...get o-out," Your voice is thick with tears. 

Jungkook shakes his head again and takes a step towards you, his hand stretched out. 

But you step back, away from him. 

"Stop h-h-hurting me!" You suddenly raise your voice. It isn't anywhere near a yell but it shocks him enough. You never raise your voice...

"I'm sorry-"

You close your eyes and take a long breath as if to calm yourself down. 

"I kn-know you like M-Mina. Don't m-make me hurt anymore by h-having to let go while y-y-you're standing right in f-front of me!"

Jungkook steps forward and grabs your hand, but you don't open your eyes. 

You dare not look at him. 

Not ever again. 

Or you'll break. 

You love Mina more than anything, you'd do anything for her. 

That's why she was always pushing you away from Jungkook. 

She likes him. 

And of course, he likes her back.

The pain in your heart is causing your breath to shorten. 

If you look at him now, you won't have the strength to give him up for her. 

"____, I swear I don't like her-"

It isn't true.

"I just needed to ask her something!"

Stop trying to spare me the pain, just leave me alone. 

"____, please look at me," Jungkook pleads. 

No. 

You shake your head, keeping your eyes closed tight. 

Jungkook sighs in exasperation, "I had to ask her about your accident!!"

At that, your watery eyes slowly open. 

Jungkook breathes a sigh of relief when he sees your beautiful eyes land on him. 

Then you take your hand out of his and he feels his next breath stutter.

"What?" You whisper. 

The words get caught in his throat for a second before he's able to shove them out, "I had to ask her about Kihyun, and the accident...I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I swear ____, I don't like her like that. Hell, I don't like her at all! Not to mention she hates my guts!"

Your jaw clenches and Jungkook wants to just beg you to listen to him, to please not be mad and just listen to him. 

"I w-was in a c-c-car accident..."

Jungkook does a double-take at your words. 

"What d-d-d-does that have t-to do with you or Kihyun? How is th-that any of your business?!"

Jungkook just stares at you as your face turns red, "I w-want you to leave me alone p-please. Stop playing w-with my h-heart and running out on m-me."

Jungkook feels like he's about to explode. 

With anger, sadness, regret, and this weird protective stuffy feeling he gets when he's around you.

"I'm sorry-"

"And I f-forgave you."

He flinches at that. 

"But an empty a-apology means n-nothing, J-Jungkook."

"It-...It isn't empty. ____, I know I'm stupid, I'm a grade A idiot! A fucking moron! But I never meant to hurt you by running out, I just- I panicked..." He's fumbling over his words, not even understanding what he's trying to say at this moment. 

"W-Why would you g-go behind my back to t-talk about me?! Why not j-just come to me??"

"I didn't think you-"

"Didn't think I r-remembered it?"

Your voice is bitter, laced with hurt. 

Jungkook nods slowly. 

You scoff, "Y-You're right, I d-d-don't. I had to rely on M-Mina to tell me that m-my family died in a c-c-car crash and I w-was the only one that survived."

His chest hurts. 

"Did y-you want to m-make fun of m-me? Figure out exactly w-why I sp-sp-speak like a fr-freak? Why everyone t-t-treats me like a ch-child?"

Jungkook's brows furrow, "Why on earth would you ever think something like that?"

"B-Because I'm n-not like you, J-Jungkook. You c-could get any g-g-girl that you want, but I w-was stupid enough to th-think it would be-...never m-mind."

Jungkook's brain is racing, he has no idea what you're getting at. 

He doesn't understand what the hell girls are thinking or trying to say. 

He knows he's an idiot, he doesn't know how to fix that. 

But he needs to fix this. 

And quickly. 

He steps forward to grab your hands again, but this time you don't pull away, "____, I never meant to make you think I was using you to get to Mina if that's how you feel. I wasn't. I needed Mina to tell me because I was worried about you, I swear," His voice is firm. 

You look at him, unsure. 

Jungkook sighs, "I didn't go to you because I thought that you wouldn't remember, but more so because I didn't want to hurt you further if you did. I didn't want to stir up anything that you'd want to put away. I realize now that that was shitty of me to go behind your back, I should've come to you first, it was your story to tell. I'm sorry."

You blink, taken aback by how honest and sincere he seems right now. 

You'd been hurting from all the running away and ignoring you and all that he's been doing recently. 

This is the first time it feels like he's actually taking you seriously. 

You bring your eyes up to his, "I'm s-s-sorry for lashing o-out. I have f-f-feelings like every-yone else and I w-was hurt."

Jungkook nods, "It's okay, I'm sorry too." His deep brown eyes search yours carefully as you continue, "You c-c-can like Mina, I-I-I underst-stand. She's b-beautiful..."

Jungkook takes you by surprise when he starts to chuckle. You look at him curiously, "W-Why are you l-l-laughing?"

Jungkook gently lets go of your hands, making you miss the warmth of them instantly. 

He brings his hands up to run through his hair, "I can't believe you think I'd fall for Mina."

You scowl, "Why w-wouldn't you?"

Jungkook lets out an amused scoff, "She's not my type."

"Oh, y-yeah? What i-is your type then?" 

He looks at you and you make eye contact for a second before your gaze darts away. Jungkook keeps his eyes on you for a moment longer. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Jungkook says teasingly, noting that your cheeks turn pink as you shake your head in denial, "I d-d-don't care."

He laughs lightly and you feel your heart lift in your chest. 

A minute passes in silence as the two of you try to think of what to say next.

You're a bit embarrassed about your outburst, but you know he understands. 

You were valid in your feelings and he seems genuinely sorry for everything.

Jungkook's head is in a completely different place, trying to go about how to ask you to leave Seoul with him. 

This is ridiculous, you'll never agree.

You watch as Jungkook's eyes dart around the room as if he's trying to figure something out. 

"Y-You okay?" You ask, a bit worried. 

Jungkook looks up, his eyes finding yours. 

Just do it, Jeon. 

Don't be a wuss.

"Will you leave Seoul with me?"

He blurts it out, figuring he'll chicken out if he doesn't. 

Your eyes widen and you're shocked into silence for a good minute. 

When the initial shock leaves you, you blink a few times. 

Jungkook just stands there stupidly. 

"Um..."

He winces at your hesitation although it was inevitable. 

"...w-why?"

Damn it, he knew you'd ask, you'd be stupid not to. 

He needs to make something up, fast. 

"This- this seems like the worst timing possible... But I was...invited to uhm, to a thing, a thing in uhm, in Busan. It's like uh, a uh, a school reunion? Thing? Kind of? It's uh...."

Fuck he's a bumbling idiot. 

Before he can make a bigger fool out of himself, you burst into laughter. 

His chest feels lighter at the sound.

Well, at least he made you laugh...

You wipe at your eyes as you double over in laughter, a good contrast to what you were doing a little while ago, so he'll take it. 

Jungkook just stands there, his arms crossed over his broad chest as he watches you make fun of him. 

When you finally catch your breath, you look at him to see him scowling darkly. 

You feel like it would scare anyone else, but it doesn't scare you. 

You poke at his chest, the last of the giggles leaving your lips. 

Jungkook stiffens when you touch him, but he will not let you know that your touch affects him. 

"Are you finished?" He asks, trying to appear unamused. 

You nod, still wiping away the tears of mirth from your eyes. 

"So, w-what you're tr-trying to say is, you want me to go to B-Busan with you for a school r-r-reunion?"

He nods in embarrassment at the silly lie. 

You laugh again, "Well, w-why didn't y-you just say that? I'd l-love to g-g-go with you!"

Well...that was easy. 

Jungkook bites back a smile at the way you shake your head and giggle at him. 

"W-When is it?"

"We'd have to leave tonight...like, you should pack now."

"Oh," You look at him in surprise, "Oh, um. O-Okay...how long w-will we be gone?"

The ridiculous contrast to what was happening a few minutes ago and now is going to give you whiplash. A moment ago you were yelling at him to stop hurting you and now you're agreeing to go to Busan with him... 

What kind of a day was this?

"Uh, I'm not sure, I was hoping to just spend some time there and go sightseeing, maybe?" Jungkook answers your question awkwardly. 

Your warm smile makes him swallow painfully, "I w-would love that. School d-doesn't start for an-another three weeks."

"Perfect," Jungkook nods, "Then it's settled, go pack."

You shriek in excitement and hurry to the back with a little skip to your step, "V-Vacation!"

Jungkook lets out a long breath, his heart skipping a beat at the happy humming floating from your room. 

Thank goodness he was successful in that. 

But what makes him feel even better, is the fact that your beautiful smile is back. 

__________

"Sh-Should I tell Mina?"

Jungkook's grip tenses on the wheel at your words. 

He isn't sure why, but he doesn't want Mina to know where the two of you are going. 

"Nah, I already told her I was going to ask you to come with me. She knows," Jungkook prays that you'll fall for it, biting his lip harshly. 

"Oh," You squeak from the passenger seat. 

He swallows his heart that leapt to his throat at the adorable sound.

You look out the side window, watching as the sun starts to set, your head leaning against the glass. 

"How l-long will it t-t-take us to get there?" You ask quietly, your eyes still glued to the beautiful colors running across the sky. 

Jungkook glances at his phone where the directions are. 

"Mm, since there's hardly any traffic, hopefully four hours?" 

Your eyes widen a little and you make a small sound of acknowledgment. 

"Hm, ok."

Jungkook drags his eyes back to the road, telling himself that he's not allowed to look at you the whole way lest he get distracted and crash the car like a fool.

Jungkook has some soft music playing in the background, making you smile softly to yourself. You didn't think him the type of person to listen to classical instrumental music, but it's nice and relaxing, especially for how tired you are. 

An hour into the drive, you feel your eyes getting extremely heavy. You keep blinking them rapidly to keep yourself awake, but every time you blink it gets harder and harder to open them again. 

Jungkook, as well as he had done the first hour, fails his own rule as he glances at you. 

He had noticed the way you were shifting and jerking around for the past few minutes. 

"Hey, you okay?" Jungkook asks gently before returning his gaze to the road. 

You nod sleepily, a tiny yawn slipping out of you. 

"J-Just a little s-sleepy is all."

A soft smile appears on Jungkook's face and you feel your chest warm at the sight. You can't stop staring at his side profile, the line of his jaw, and his adorably big nose, even his lashes are long and beautiful. 

"You can take a nap you know-"

"Nooo, no no," You wave a hand in the air dismissively, "I'm n-not tired at all!"

Jungkook stifles a laugh at you contradicting yourself within thirty seconds. 

He nods, "Okay, then you don't have to take a nap."

You smile drowsily, appearing almost drunk in a way. 

Jungkook glances at you again. 

Drunk from exhaustion, you most certainly are. 

What a rollercoaster of a day.

He sighs, a gentle sound as he turns back to keep his eyes forward, "You look really sleepy."

"Y-You look really p-pretty..." 

Jungkook, startled at your words, looks at you with wide eyes, "Huh?"

No one has ever called him pretty before...

You have an elbow against the console, your chin in your hand as you gaze up at him dreamily. 

"I'm s-s-sorry I said all th-that mean st-stuff back at my apartment," You whisper, lips turning down into a pout. 

Jungkook fidgets, "It's fine, ____. I deserved to get snapped at."

You shake your head, "Noooo," You say cutely, smacking your lips, "Nooo, you d-deserve th-the whooooooole world!" You gesture out, almost smacking him in the face. 

Jungkook chuckles. 

You're just tired yet you act like you've been drinking nonstop.

"You, J-Jungkook, you d-deserve to a...a? A h-hug."

He feels a pinching in his chest at your words.

"Thanks, ____." 

You nod, your head lolling to the side as you start to drift off to sleep again, then you jerk suddenly as you remember something. 

"M-My first love!"

Jungkook looks at you, bewildered.

"He-...b-brought it to me..."

Jungkook arches an eyebrow at you, "Who brought what to you, ____?"

"An angel brought m-me food t-today!"

Jungkook nods along with your nonsensical rambling, "That's cool," He muses as he passes a car on the highway.

"Yeahh..." 

After that, you fall silent. 

He glances over at you after you haven't spoken for a few minutes, to see your head resting against the seat, your mouth open slightly as you sleep soundly. 

He fights the smile that's creeping its way onto his face, trying as hard as he can to pay attention to the road. 

Jungkook reaches up a hand and slaps it across his face, harder than he had meant to. 

He winces in pain, but at least it got him to think straight. 

Jungkook keeps his eyes on the road (mostly) the rest of the way. 

It's kind of lonely with you sleeping beside him, but he doesn't really mind.

  It's around one in the morning when Jungkook gently shakes your shoulder. 

You stir, your eyes opening into little slits as you look around in confusion. 

"W-Where am I?" You ask, mumbling almost incoherently. 

"We're here, ____. We're in Busan," Jungkook says softly, his hand still on your shoulder. 

Once you're able to open your eyes all the way, you see the inside of Jungkook's car, then you turn your head to the right to see him standing outside your door, holding it open as he smiles at you. 

"Oh," You say in surprise, "I f-forgot we were on v-vacation."

Jungkook chuckles at that, "Come on, ____. Let's get you to bed."

He reaches around you to unbuckle your seat belt, then you watch quietly as he grabs your purse and slings it over his shoulder. 

Next, he grabs your hand and helps you out of the car. 

You take in the sight of a small motel, very simple, very dark, and very very cute. 

Jungkook watches your eyes light up at the place you'll be staying tonight. 

"It's s-so cute," You whisper sleepily. 

Jungkook shrugs, "I've never considered a motel to be cute before, but it's decent."

You keep a hold of his hand as you climb out of the car, then you shyly let go and follow him to the trunk where he pulls out both of your suitcases. 

"I can c-carry something," You offer as you see him start moving with both of the cases to the front of the motel. 

Jungkook shakes his head, his floofy brown hair flopping about, "I'm all good."

You bite back a laugh at the sight of him wheeling two suitcases with a purse slung over his arm, then you hurry to catch up to him. 

Inside, there's a very small old man at the front desk, reading a newspaper. 

He looks up when you and Jungkook walk in. 

A friendly smile graces his features as he sets the paper down, "Hello there, how can I help you?"

"Hi," Jungkook clears his throat, "I called about two rooms earlier today...well, I guess it was technically yesterday..."

The man nods and grabs this little notebook, "Perfect! Name?"

"Uhm...Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook,” He says lowly. 

Ohhhh, Jeon?

Even his last name suits him. 

You see him fidgeting a little as the older man flips through the notebook, "Ah yes! Right here."

Then he turns to grab a key out of a little cabinet, "Your rooms will be one twenty-three and one twenty-two-"

He pauses, his hand freezing over an empty cubby in the cabinet. 

"Uhm...one moment."

He shuffles behind a little curtain leading to a different room. 

Jungkook looks back at you with a puzzled expression and you shrug, you don't have any idea what's going on either. 

A minute later the man comes out with a regretful look on his face. 

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Jeon. It would appear as though someone accidentally gave your rooms away without looking at the reservations," The man looks terribly guilty. 

Jungkook bites his lip, "Uhm, alright, well can I get two other rooms then?"

The man nods quickly and ruffles through his notebook, then he looks at Jungkook again. 

"We only have one room available. I sincerely apologize, this was my mistake-"

"Don't worry about it," Jungkook gives him a tight-lipped smile, "We'll take it. Thank you."

After getting your key, you and Jungkook walk out to find your room, not speaking until you get there. 

Once Jungkook unlocks the door and opens it for you, he gives you an embarrassed smile, "Sorry, ____. I would take us somewhere else but it's late and-...I'll sleep on the floor."

You turn to him, "D-Don't be silly. We'll both sl-sleep on a bed."

He looks at you, bewildered, then his gaze follows your outstretched arm as you point at the bed. 

Or...

The beds. 

AH! A MIRACLE!

Jungkook sighs in relief, letting the door close behind him as he sets your suitcases to the side. 

"Well this isn't so bad," He says as he looks around the room, taking in the twin beds with satisfaction. 

Then he looks at you to see you gazing around in wonder, gently touching the bed and making your way over to the bathroom to peek your head inside. 

When you turn back to him, your eyes are lit up like stars in the night sky. 

"It's b-beautiful!" 

Jungkook does one more look over.

There are twin beds with white covers and pillows, a nightstand between them and  TV on a desk in front along with a coffee machine and glass mugs. 

Meh, it's not a crappy place, he's been in far worse, but he's also been in far better. 

Then something clicks and he looks at you again, "Wait, have you never been to a hotel- or- a motel before?"

You shake your head, your innocent eyes never leaving his. 

Jungkook lets out a short laugh of disbelief, "Huh."

You walk over to your suitcase and grab it, pulling it with you to the bathroom, "I'm g-going to change."

"Uh-huh," Jungkook says, still trying to process the fact that you've never stayed in a place like this before. 

When he hears the bathroom door close, he walks over to his suitcase and opens it up, grabbing out a t-shirt and some pajama shorts. 

He makes quick work of changing, then he settles on the left bed, a groan leaving his lips as he lays back. 

A moment later, the door to the bathroom opens and Jungkook sees you walk out shyly, a simple lilac nightgown draping around your frame. 

He looks away quickly, fixing his gaze on the black screen of the television positioned in front of the twin beds. 

You hurry over and climb into the bed on the right, slipping underneath the covers and sighing happily. 

"Th-These beds are s-so comfy!"

Jungkook hums in response, his eyes still glued to the TV even though it's off.

You pull the covers up to your chin and close your eyes, letting out a tiny yawn. 

At the sound, Jungkook's resolution crumbles and he glances over at you. 

The way your eyelids flutter and your lips part slightly as you breathe makes his heart beat rapidly. 

Suddenly, your eyes pop open and you're staring right back at him.

He was so startled when it happened that he didn't even look away, instead, his gaze stays locked on yours, eyes wide. 

It feels like an eternity passes as the two of you just stare at each other, but it's really only a few seconds. 

Long enough for Jungkook's heart to be in his throat and your tummy to start tickling. 

Then you whisper, "I w-was just going to a-ask you to turn out the l-light."

A choked breath escapes Jungkook as he snaps his gaze away from yours. 

"Oh, yeah sure." 

Without looking at you, he reaches over to the table between your beds and flips the light off. 

It's silent for a little bit, then Jungkook hears you whisper in the darkness, "I'm sorry a-about earlier."

"You already apologized, and I told you there was no need to."

You sigh and shift onto your back, "When is th-the school reunion?"

Jungkook internally groans, "It's in a few days."

"W-Why did we have t-to leave so quickly?"

Jungkook moves to his right side, so he's facing you in the darkness, but he can't make you out. 

"I wanted to be sure we got a place to stay before it all filled up."

"Ah, okay."

Fuck, he hates lying to you so easily. 

The fact that you have full trust in him is making him sick to his stomach. 

But at least he got you here. 

He's gotten you out of Seoul. 

That buys him a bit more time to figure out who the hell placed the hit on you. 

Then he'll take matters into his own hands. 

After a few minutes, Jungkook is sure you've fallen asleep again, so it takes him by surprise when you speak up. 

"What is y-your favorite flower?"

"Uhm, I'm not sure...I don't know that many flowers," Jungkook replies, his eyes still closed. 

You giggle, "My f-favorite is the a-almond flower."

Jungkook nods thoughtfully, then he realizes that you can't see him so he clears his throat, "Ah, what does that one look like?"

"It's little and w-white with a h-hint of pink in the middle. V-Very cute."

Jungkook smiles, "Sounds very fitting for you."

Your cheeks heat up as you cuddle more into the covers, "Do y-you want to know th-the meaning of it?" You whisper. 

He finally opens his eyes, but all he can see is darkness, "Sure."

He suddenly remembers your letter to him after you visited the field of dandelions. 

What did you say the dandelion represented again? Oh yeah, hope and happiness...or something like that...

"It m-means h-hope and renewal."

Jungkook hears you shifting a little to get comfortable. 

"That's nice," He says gently, "I guess the little simple ones tend to represent hope, huh?"

You positively beam, realizing that he must have remembered your letter to him about the dandelion. 

"I g-guess so."

Jungkook turns onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. 

Before he can back out, he asks, "What does the lotus flower represent?"

"Is th-that your f-favorite?"

Jungkook blinks a few times before answering you, "It was my mother's."

You sit up and look over at him curiously, wondering if something had happened to her with the way his voice sounded and the fact that he used past tense. 

"Oh...w-well I happen t-to know that one," You lay back down, "It m-means enlightenment and r-rebirth."

Huh. 

How ironic.

"Ah," Is all he says. 

You lay there in silence for a little bit, then you remember something that you had wanted to tell him. 

"Oh y-yeah, I had the w-weirdest dream the other day."

"Mm? What was it?" 

"I w-was laying in a f-field of flowers. Purple f-flowers-"

Jungkook's brain suddenly snaps to attention at your words, "What did they look like?" He asks abruptly, interrupting you. 

"Uh, they w-were some of m-my favorite flowers, they're c-called Agapanthus."

"Agapi- what?" Jungkook asks, face scrunched in confusion. 

You laugh and blindly reach for your phone on the nightstand. 

Jungkook looks over to see a blue light illuminating your face as you look at your phone and his breath gets caught in his throat. 

Fuck.

Don't be stupid, Jungkook. 

He looks away quickly.

"H-Here," You stand up and waddle over to his bed, plopping yourself down on the side of it and jostling him a bit. Jungkook swallows thickly at the close proximity all of the sudden. 

You hold your phone close to his face, watching as he squints at the picture of the flower you were talking about. 

"A-Agapanthus," You state again, smiling. 

But Jungkook barely hears you, he's frozen, staring at the picture in your hand.

That's the flower that was in his dream the other day. 

The field was full of them. 

"Anyw-way, I w-was lying there. It w-was so vivid. Th-Then I realized I was h-holding someone's hand-"

Jungkook can't tear his eyes away from your phone, his heartbeat increasing the more of your story you tell. 

"I c-could tell it w-was a guy's hand, b-but I couldn't turn my head to see who it was."

His eyes finally drift from your phone up to your face where you're sporting a faint pout. 

He doesn't know what possesses him to ask, all he registers are the shaky words suddenly coming from his mouth, "What's the meaning of this flower?"

Your gaze shifts to his and you smile softly, "L-Love."

__________________________________

a/n: jk is a damned fool, who’s with me.

Tag list; @hopekookies @moonchild1 @barbellastyles98 @teresaisla @ggukkieland @mwitsmejk @scuzmunkie @jaebeomsblackgf @sugaslittlekookies @moon-asia @bangtannie7 @yoonchrisgull @njkbangtan @higashikatasgf @jksbbyfacebunny @sweetonkookieandtae @voidswan-recs @sadxaries @bts-junseagull @jinfused @taehyungiev13 @gaeguuliii @kimnamjoonluvbot @jungkooook @mutterseelenalleinn @surilirani @patpus @yukiehyukie @crypticsabbat @ohyeahjk @steffiiirose @the-falling-star @telepathytae @erenkook ​ 

[hxt1b]

Why Can’t We? - Extended

Masterlist 

Jaehyun x Reader 

WC: 4.2k 

Genre: Angst (YouTuber Reader x Idol Jaehyun)

Warning: Smut and Swearing 

Original Post: Why Can’t We?

A/N: Hey thank you so much for the love on the original little blurb I wrote. I decided to write an extended version of it for you guys. I hope you like it! If you haven’t read the original I’ve linked it. This is sort of a part two but you could read this without reading the blurb as well hence why I don’t think it fits to call it a part two. Again the grammar may be iffy, I tried my best but things probably still slipped through, regardless I hope you guys like this. Let me know your thoughts. And if anyone wants to send me any requests you can go do that here. I appreciate them and will get to them as soon as I can!

You were slumped over your desk, staring at the work you had in front of you. Your business partner/ best friend was expecting this to be done by the end of the night. The video needed to be out by eight pm. It was already seven, you couldn’t focus though and you knew that if you called her and just explained to her that you fucked up. That you did the one thing you shouldn’t have. That you slept with Jaehyun. She’d help you. But you couldn’t process the fact yourself, you couldn’t process the emotions that were still running through you. You couldn’t believe that you ran. Yet you knew there was no other option. You knew how you felt about him, and Jaehyun never made any move to hide his feelings. Not from you. 

But it wouldn’t work and you knew that, you were so wrapped up in your YouTube channel and all the other opportunities that were coming your way, and he was… well he was Jung Jaehyun. You couldn’t see yourself by his side. Not with how much you’d have to hide it, not with all his fans. They’d find out, your whole life was on the internet, his was too. It wouldn’t work, it would only lead to more heartbreak. Heartbreak at a greater scale one that you could not take. 

You held yourself back as much as you could but last night you couldn’t. Not with the way he looked at you, his eyes showing every emotion he had inside him, not with the way  his mouth felt against yours, the way his hands moved against your skin. You could still feel his breath on your skin. 

A shiver ran down your spine and you were brought back to the computer in front of you. A video of you and your best friend staring back at you. You’d only edited the first four minutes, there was two hours' worth of footage waiting for you. 

Sighing you grabbed your phone, biting your lip you kept yourself from looking at the missed calls you had from him and messages he had sent you. You ignored the burning in you to open them, to reply, to call him back. Instead, you called your friend. 

Her happy voice coming through after the first ring. 

“Hey, dude what’s up?”  

“So listen, I uh I’m gonna need another hour to edit that video it’ll be a little late is that okay?” You said, your voice slightly shaking. 

“Yeah yeah, that's fine.” Her voice fell to a concerned tone, “Is everything okay?” 

“Sorry, yeah I just haven’t been having the best day ya know.” You ran your finger along the side of your desk as you spoke to her. Your mind wandering back to Jaehyun. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked. 

“No there’s nothing to talk about just one of those slow and tiring days.” You lied. She hummed on the other side of the line dropping the topic. 

“Take your time with the video’s its fine if it goes up late we can put it up tomorrow too. Just send out a tweet.” You nodded even though she couldn’t see you. 

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you.” 

Hanging up you opened your Twitter app. Quickly typing out the tweet. You scrolled through your feed as your tweet blew up, you weren’t huge on YouTube but you had a decent amount of subscribers that your posting schedule mattered. 

Minutes ticked by as you liked and replied to some tweets that came your way. But scrolling came to be a mistake. A thread about Jaehyun appeared on your feed and you couldn’t help but open it, your heart aching as the thread appreciated Jaehyun dimples. You loved his dimples as much as anyone else. The difference was that you had a front seat to him. You’d poked your finger into those dimples so many times over the span of time that you and Jaehyun had known each other. 

Quickly closing the app you came face to face again with all the notifications regarding him. Blinking as your eyes stung you bit your lip again. There was only one option in your head again, you couldn’t handle the ache that your heart felt right now imagine if it was on a grander scale. You had to stop this now. 

Opening his contact information on your phone you blocked his number, and on Instagram and every other platform he could contact you. Your vision blurred and your headached as you put your phone back down on your desk. 

You couldn’t edit the video today anyway. Getting up from your desk chair you made your way to your bed and buried yourself under your blankets as a few tears slipped down your cheek. 

Two weeks passed and Jaehyun was a mess, his head was somewhere else constantly, he couldn’t focus on his work. He couldn’t think straight. He just moved from day to day as he became more and more numb. He’d called you, texted you but you hadn’t returned anything. Short of going to your apartment, he’d done everything he could, and that was something he wasn’t going to do. Not after you blocked him. 

He dropped his head into the palms of his hands, the bitter pain of the action hitting him again. You’d actually blocked him. The tears gathered in the corners of his eyes again but he blinked them away. But it all hurt, everything hurt. His head hurt from the anger he felt towards you, yet his heart ached for you. The fight in him tired him out daily. The other boys were noticing, Johnny had tried to talk to him about it but Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. 

She fucked me and left, oh and while she left she ripped my heart out and stomped on it because there is no way she doesn’t know that I love her. 

Jaehyun knew you were cautious, he could sense your fear. But when you slept together that day he’d hoped you’d forget it, that you’d understand that it could work. That with you he’d make it work. He’d hoped that you’d see it. But clearly, you hadn’t. 

You hadn’t even given it a chance. 

You saw him everywhere all of sudden. You blocked him but you still saw him everywhere. It had been a month since you’d last seen him and noting was easier. You’d lied to yourself then and you would lie to yourself now. Because this was for the best.  

You sighed again as another clip of Jaehyun popped up in your Instagram feed. They’d just had another comeback and it was shaping into your biggest nightmare very fast. Scrolling again you came across a clip from a recent interview. He was smiling and laughing with Jungwoo. His dimples showing up as he threw his head back and laughed at something Jungwoo had said to him. Another sigh slipped out your lips as you scrolled again. 

“Oh, my fuck. I swear Y/N if you fucking sigh again I’ll knock you out into next week.” Your best friend was staring at you from where she stood setting up the camera for today's shoot. 

“What is even wrong with you. For the past month, you’ve been sad and angry and you constantly don’t want to talk about it and I respected that but today I’ve had enough.” Her hands had moved to her hips as she glared down at you. 

Looking away from her you ran your tongue over your drying lips. 

“Talk to me Y/N.” She demanded and before you knew it everything spilled out. From the day you met Jaehyun nine months ago, to all the flirting. You told her about all the dates you’d gone on, you even told her how you insisted on calling them friend dates. Watched movies in his room, kicking Jungwoo out so that it would be just the two of you. Making cakes in his kitchen and doing the most cliche things while making them. You told her all of it, how you slept with him and blocked him because you were scared. Obviously, she knew of Jaehyun she’d even met him on many occasions but she didn’t know the details, because for some reason your brain had told you that if your best friend knew them. That if you spoke of the events that the feelings would become real, that it would all become real. 

“You're scared?” She questioned her face contorting into an expression bordering on disgust. “Scared. You?” She was sitting beside you a scowl embedded into her face. 

“Dude, we don’t scare. We meet shit head-on. Our channel is thriving because we didn’t give in to the fear that we would fail. We got where we are with that practice. We don’t fear shit. Especially not the complicated shit because we always make it work we always try.”  

She didn’t even blink as she spoke, you knew she was right, but it was easier said than done wasn’t it? But she was right you didn’t fear failure with your work and it paid off and you loved it. 

“But it’s so much more complicated now. I don’t think I can fix this.” 

“You have to try. Because I can’t stand this behaviour anymore. Fix it, babe, at least try and if it doesn’t work I’ll be here and we’ll move past it.” You nodded as she spoke. Glad that she was your best friend. 

“So I should go talk to him? Apologize? Tell him what was going on in my head?” 

“Yeah, dude just talk to him.” She looked at you expectantly as she got up and went back to fixing the camera angle. 

“Okay can you set up the mic’s now, you can talk to him after we film. Now help me.” 

Three hours later you were dragging your feet towards his dorm. You’d planned out what to say and how to say it, after you filmed, in your mirror. Your best friend giving you the thumbs up when you left. 

Looking up as you neared the dorm, the air left your lungs. There he was walking towards you, smiling down at a beautiful girl. He looked happy. You watched them as they walked slowly talking about god knows what, your hands fisted at your side as she laughed at something he said. Your insides turned and you felt like you were gonna puke. But you had no right. You were the one who left, you uncurled your hand as your eyes began to sting. 

What did you think was going to happen? That you’d leave him and he’d sit around waiting for you. That when you walked into his dorm today he’d take you back with open arms like you hadn’t left his bed and then blocked him on everything. You shook your head blinking back the tears.  

You bit your lip and looked away from them. There was no way back into his life and it was clear and it was your fault., but you had to look at him again. Just one last time. Just to see that smile, those dimples one last time in person even if you weren’t the one he was smiling at. 

Turning your head back to him your entire body froze. He was already looking at you. Stopped a few feet back from the entrance of the dorm. The girl digging around her bag for something. Your heart thumped in your chest, your blood flowing fast, the rush of it the only sound in your ears. 

Your eyes stung again, you couldn’t cry. Not here. Turning away from him you walked away quickly. You needed to get away fast, he shouldn’t have seen you. You felt selfish that you’d stood there that long, that you’d tried to steal that last glance. You should have walked away sooner. The tears slipped down your cheeks, leaving cold wet trails in their wake. 

A hand grabbed your wrist, whipping you around. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t. His hand tightened around your wrist. 

“So you’re gonna run away again?” You didn’t say anything back. What would you even say because the truth was yes. Yes, you were. He scoffed and dropped your hand, taking a step away from you. 

“You're with a girl, you’re happy I don’t want to intrude.” You still weren’t looking at him, keeping your eyes trained on the ground to your left. 

“Look at me.” He said his voice even. You refused. 

“Look at me!” His tone was harsher, slowly you turned your head to him your eyes taking in his face, from far he had looked like the perfect Jaehyun you always saw, but up close you could see the slight darkness under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, the sadness in his eyes as yours finally locked onto them. “Do I look happy to you? That girl is my cousin.” You stayed silent not knowing what to say. 

He let out a humourless laugh, “You don’t have anything to say. Why am I shocked?” He ran his hand through his hair and took a step towards you. 

“Fine then let me talk. Let me tell you about how you fucked me up, how for the past month I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong to have you block me, to have you kick me out of your life so easily. What did I do that was so wrong.” His voice broke on the last word as tears began to trail down his face. You were frozen in your spot, your hands shaking at your side. 

Everything that you’d wanted to say, everything you’d thought to say out your head. You watched as he broke down in front of you, your heartbreaking with each tear that ran down his cheek. Slowly you raised your hand taking a step closer to him, you hesitated only for a second before pulling him to you. 

“Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one that fucked up. I'm the one that ran away, and I’m the one that is so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything Jaehyun.” His arms wrapped around your body pulling you into him, his hands fisting at the back fabric of your coat. 

“I was scared, scared about everything. Scared that it would all only hurt us more in the end. I was trying to make it easier.” This time your voice cracked as you began to cry. His arms tightened around you. 

“I'm so sorry, I’m so stupid. I ran away and I’m so sorry.” It was hard for you to talk through your tears. You tried to calm down by taking in breaths of air. You needed to stop crying. “Please forgive me.” 

You looked up at him, his eyes were red from his tears that had stopped. His eyes softened as they took in your face. He didn’t say anything to you just moved his face to yours, softly pressing his lips against yours. 

“Let me make it up to you.” You said pulling away from his lips. 

You pulled him into your apartment, taking your coat off and throwing it onto your couch. Prompting him to do the same. You grabbed his hand once his coat was off and pulled him into your bedroom. Your mouth returning to his as soon as you closed the door. The kiss was slow and soft, both of you taking each other in. Pulling away from him you looked at his face, his brown eyes dark you were sure you reflected the same desire back to him that you saw. Pressing your lips back to his you let your hands trail down his chest as his stayed planted on your waist. Weaving your hand under his shirt you raked your cold fingers ups his abs earning a shiver from him. You smiled pulling away from him and pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it aside. 

Your breath hitched as you took in the sight of his bare torso, pressing yourself back to him you pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his jaw, softly sinking your teeth into the same spot before sucking the skin into your mouth. Jaehyun moaned, his hands moving up the back of your t-shirt pulling you against him. You could feel his member hard and pressed against you in-between the both of you. 

Licking the spot to soothe the sting you pressed a kiss to the slowly darkening mark, before moving further down. You kissed down his chest, softly pressing your lips against his hot skin. You marvelled in the way his breathing became shallow as you moved onto your knees. Hooking your fingers into the buttons of his jeans you undid them pulled them down along with his boxers. You pushed him back towards your bed letting him step out the articles of clothing and sit down as you slowly wrapped your hand around his throbbing cock. He was already so hard. You looked up at him as you slowly moved your hand down before licking the tip, wiping away the moisture that had gathered there. 

He groaned at your action, his eyes locked with yours as you made your way down his dick kissing down the underside towards his balls before sticking your tongue out and licking back up to his tip. His cock twitched in your hand as you wrapped your lips around his head. One of his hands twisted into the back of your hair softly grabbing your locks. 

Jaehyun’s head fell back as you moved him further into your mouth, you went slow letting yourself feel each vein with your tongue as you fit him into your mouth. Soft moans spilled from him, flowing towards you as you begin to move him in and out of your mouth, using your hand to massage the rest of him that you couldn’t fit into your mouth. 

A soft growl fell from his lips as he pulled you off him. 

“You can finish that some other time.” He said, yanking you up into his lap you straddled him, as he kissed you roughly his tongue entering your mouth and quickly meeting yours. You moaned into him as his hands moved under your shirt one hand unclasping your bra. 

“Fuck.” he cursed pulling away from you before pulling your shirt off and throwing it across the room. He tangled his hand in the hair at the back of your head again pulling you towards him to press his mouth to yours as you let your bra fall off and tossed it onto the ground. The thumb of his other hand drawing circles at your hip. 

He stood up taking you with him, not breaking the kiss as he did. You groaned as his dick pressed against your clothed core, causing heat to rush through you. He tossed you onto the bed before quickly following you. 

“I’m so fucked.” He said before pressing his lips into your neck, sucking the skin as you had done before on him. You moaned letting your hand fly to the back of his head as he moved down towards your chest, leaving open-mouthed kissed until he got your breast.

He lifted his head from you and stared at you, his eyes almost black with lust. Your breathing was laboured as he smirked at you before returning his mouth to your nipple. He harshly sucked it into his mouth pulling it up between his teeth. You let out a breathy moan, his name flowing out of your mouth, as your chest arched off the bed following his mouth. He laughed before letting your nipple pop out of his mouth and pushed up you back into the mattress before kissing over to your other breast copying his action before moving his kisses down your stomach. 

You writhed under him as his mouth got closer to where you wanted him. Hooking his fingers into your legging he pulled them down leaving you in only your panties. He looked up at you before looking back down at your covered core. Your cheeks reddened as he smiled. 

“Your so wet baby, you soaked through your panties.” His voice was thick with lust, his face showing on full display his desire for you. 

“For you,” you panted back, as he pressed a finger to you over your panties. 

“For me.” He whispered to himself before pulling your underwear down. He hovered his face over your clit, you could feel his breath teasing you. Bucking your hips towards him wanting him to do something already. You snaked your hand down to his hair. 

“Please.” You whined pushing yourself up towards him again. He chuckled, taking your hand from his hair. He held it at your stomach pushing you down back to the bed before he ran his tongue up your slit. Your eyes closed shut as your loud moans filled the room. He repeated the action before taking your clit into his mouth sucking on the swollen nub.  

“Jaehyun.” You whined moving your other hand to his hair only for him to grab it and hold it down next to your other one. You whined trying to move your hips but being unable to as he held you down. You couldn’t take it anymore. You needed him now. 

“Baby please, you can finish that some other time.” You said stealing his words from earlier. “I need you.” He pulled back from you, his mouth covered in you. He let go of your hands letting you loop them around his neck as you pulled him back up to you. Immediately pressing your lips against his in a heated kiss, you tasted yourself on his tongue. 

A deep moan fell from your lips as he slipped his cock between your folds slowly moving so that the tip was hitting your clit. His hand wrapped around your head weaving into the hair at the top as the other one knotted into the sheets next to your head. 

He pressed his forehead against yours closing his eyes as he continued to repeat his action savouring the breathy moans that fell from your open mouth. 

“Please.” You whined when you had as much as you could take, “I need you. Please.”  You begged.  

His breathing mirrored your own, harsh shared breaths as he lined himself up at your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. Your eyes fell shut at the stretch, you clenched around him as he took his time sliding into you taking in the feeling of your tight walls around him. 

“Fuck,” He muttered against your mouth followed by a soft moan as he bottomed out. You both breathed heavily as he stayed still, agonizing seconds passed before he pulled back again before spanning his hips back to you. Your head twisted to the side as he picked up his pace. He bit into the soft skin of your jaw as he moved in and out of you. 

The sound of his skin slapping against yours filled the room along with your moans, overwhelming your mind as he fucked you into a daze. You drowned in your head with every snap of his hips, you could feel him hitting your g-spot with each thrust pushing you closer you climax. 

Sweat dotted his forehead as his thrusts sped up, throwing you off the edge into the depths. Your back arched off the bed, your chest pressing against his as he took your lips up with his swiping his tongue against yours mirroring the action of his hips as he thrust into you harsher chasing after his release. You moaned his name but it sounded far off to your ears as you shook underneath him. Your walls clenching around his cock, finally his dick twitched and he came spilling himself into you. A loud moan leaving him followed by heavy breathing as he looked down at you. He let his head fall into the crook of your neck as you both came down from your highs. 

“I’m so fucked,” He whispered to you. “Don’t run away from me again Y/N. I won’t be able to take it again.” He said and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere Jaehyun.” You said stroking his back with your hand. 

“Good because, Y/N, I really like you.” You turned your head to him, his eyes meeting yours as you did. You could see the emotion in his eyes, you could see the truth behind his words, the real words he’d wanted to say. 

“I really like you too, Jaehyun.” You said, also keeping the grander emotion with you. For now. You had plenty of time to say it to him. To hear it from him, because you weren’t going anywhere, but the three words rattled around your brain, your heart your entire being as you looked at him before pressing your lips against his. 

I love you. 

[parkers-gal]

can you do a part 2 to the one where y/n gets diagnosed with a brain tumor & tom stays with her and tries his best to help her through the side effects of chemo (like hair loss, fatigue, insomnia)?

yours

i know this is a peter gif but a bby is sad :(

wc | 1.4k

pairing | tom holland x reader

as mentioned above, there are (somewhat) in-depth mentions of vomiting, fatigue, hair loss, chemotherapy, and general diseases. this is your trigger warning

p.s. didn’t proofread so beware

—

“So… she’s decided already?”

Tom sighs, running a hand through his hair while nodding at his brother’s question. “Yeah… I let her decide on her own.”

“That’s good of you.”

“It’s all I can do,” he deadpans. “I’m so… useless.”

“Tom, you’re here. You’re supporting her. That’s the greatest gift in the world.”

Tom doesn’t waver. “Well it doesn’t feel like a gift.”

The conversation doesn’t go on for much longer. Tom excuses himself and you wake from your afternoon nap, having felt drained from your fourth chemo session already. You’re a lot weaker now, a lot more tired and even more upset — at yourself, the world, and sometimes even Tom. It’s not your fault, though. It never was.

“How’re you feeling, baby?”

“Tired,” you rub your eyes awake. “Hungry.”

“Do you feel like eating?”

You shrug, shoulders sagging while you glance at your fiddling fingers. Tom wills himself not to cry, sighing unsteadily while he places himself next to you on the mattress.

“We’re gonna get through this, y’know.” His arm wraps around your shoulder, bringing you into his embrace. You’re already losing weight and it’s only been a month. He pushes through, though, because you’re pushing too. “We’re gonna make it and- and you’re gonna be okay.”

You nod, wiping away a few fallen tears. “Yeah.”

You spend the rest of the night watching a few of your favorite movies and eating what you can. You laugh, wholeheartedly and genuinely, for the first time in awhile, and it makes Tom’s heart warm from the comfort and familiarity of it all. Peace is present throughout the house as the two of you settle down to sleep. Tom feels at home, with you in his arms, for the first time in a long time.

The peace doesn’t last long, however. You’re awake in the middle of the night, rushing out from under the covers and into the bathroom just in time to let the bile come up and out. It’s another side effect, another symptom, another fucking issue to deal with in this sea of madness. Tom’s by your side in a matter of seconds, rubbing your back and holding your hair while assuring you it’ll be okay. He’s speaking in a hushed tone, doing his best not to overwhelm you. And though you want to cry, you decide that you don’t have the mental capacity to do anything but allow everything to happen. It’s the least you can do.

After drinking some water and brushing your teeth, you settle back under the covers, each of you taking your previous positions. It’s not the same, though, because you both know how this night is going to go.

You’re blinking up at the bare ceiling, tracing the edges of the wall, finding the crevices where the wall meets the ceiling. It’s unbearable, counting for sheep or the stars to bore you to sleep. You don’t want to risk drinking milk or something cliche, and you certainly don’t want to trouble Tom when he deserves a night’s rest after taking care of you. It’s like his career, now, instead of his usual place in front of the camera. You want to feel guilty, but you’re too tired to protest anything. You’re so drained and constantly hungry, yet you’re never able to keep anything down. It’s a trick by god, you’re convinced. It’s so fucked that it feels unreal.

You exhale, almost too loudly, and Tom mirrors your actions. You both know you’re awake.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Tom sighs, frowning even in the dark. “Because you’re not asleep.”

“We’ve been over this,” You don’t bother turning towards him, continuing to stare up at the ceiling in dissatisfaction. “I’m not gonna get much sleep. You know this; you need to get used to sleeping without me.”

“I can’t get used to that,” He reaches out to you but you shoot up, shoving the covers off of you while your feet dangle off the edge of the bed. You’re back-faced to Tom and he sighs again. A hand rubs at your forehead while the other rubs your eyes, trying to fight off the will to cry.

“Y/N…” He scoots over to you, leaning up with his elbow while his nimble fingers run up your forearm all the way to your shoulder. “Talk to me, baby.” You let out a wet breath, an obvious sign that you’re crying. Tom feels his heart break and suddenly he’s reverted to over a month ago, when he’d first lost his grip on you in the fighting sea of heartbreak.

“I’m… a liability, Tom. If I don’t make it, you’re gonna have to get used to doing everything without me. I just want to prepare you fo-”

“No,” he cuts you off with a click of his tongue. “We’re not talking about that. You’re gonna make it, Y/N. I’m not losing you.”

“But what if you do?!” You look at him with such despair in your eyes that Tom can’t help but let a tear fall.

“Then I go with you.”

You laugh dryly, humorlessly. “You and I both know that’s not happening. You need to live past me.”

“You’re not going to die.”

“You don’t know that!” You don’t mean to raise your voice, but it slips out because you’re just so goddamn frustrated. You can’t help but blame yourself — you wanted to be that steady thing in Tom’s life, but you don’t know if you can be that now.

“Y/N/N…” He pulls himself up, sitting next to you on the mattress, covers abandoned. His hair is an arranged mess, voice deep and fresh from sleep. You can see his silhouette, his most defined features through the light of the moon. He drags an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. He’s pulling you close because he doesn’t want to let go; he doesn’t want to lose you.

“You’re going to make it. And,” he sucks in a breath, biting his lip while he tries not to cry. “And we’re gonna get our happy ending. We’re gonna grow old together,” another sniffle, “and be an old married couple that plays bingo and enjoys trivia nights.” He pulls you impossibly closer until you’re forced to rearrange onto his lap. He leans his forehead on the skin beside your shoulder and neck, sniffling and sucking in a sob. “I don’t know what made you think otherwise, but you’re the strongest person I know. You’re-” he hiccups, “You’re gonna fucking make it. We’re gonna make it through this.”

“I pulled out my hair the other day,” You whisper finally, breaking your silence with the beginning of your explanation. “They said it- it’d be a possibility but I didn’t think it’d happen so soon and it did and it-” you inhale shakily. “It made me feel like I’m already dying.”

Tom inhales sharply, caught off guard, and you let a tear fall down your cheek and into his mop of curls that lay below your chin, leaning on your body.

“It made me feel like I’m already… leaving you.”

He remains quiet for a few beats, eyebrows furrowing while he thinks of what to say next. He doesn’t want to face the possibility of losing you. Especially not when the treatment process has just progressed — he hopes you get better results. He hopes for the best because he knows you deserve the best. He doesn’t want to wait for the day where you don’t get what you deserve, because he’s afraid he might lose you then.

“I’m not leaving you. Not through this, not through any sickness or disease. I’m here to stay. I’m yours.”

Your arms wrap around him in a haste to bring him closer. He picks his head up, holding your face in both his palms while you nuzzle further into his hand. He’s so gentle, looking into your eyes as if you could slip from his grip right in this very moment. It shakes you to your core.

Your bottom lip trembles while his thumb traces over it calmly, lovingly. He’s memorizing the details of your face with his touch. He’s regripping his hold on you.

“Yours,” You repeat in a whisper, the cold of the night stopping just for two lovers. “I’m yours.”

[urlocalnctstan]

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚄𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 - 𝙹.𝚂𝙶

• Candy Hearts Collab - @127-mile​

Prompt : “I came to say goodbye.”

Genre : Angst, Fluff, kinda Slow-burnish?, Slice of life, highschool + college AU

Pairing : Sungchan X Reader (Ft. Jeno)

Warning(s) : mentions of bullying and injury (like one scene only), unrequited love, mentions of slight anxiety, hormonal shifts, language, minor character death

Writing nets : @kdiarynet​ @k-dinernet​ @kpopscape​ @czennienet​ @neoturtles​

Taglist : @eh-ovo-nctu​

WC : 9.7k

Summary : What people hated the most is the very word ‘goodbye’. However, it’s the very word that becomes something that you yearn to hear from Sungchan for years.

→ Playlist [recommended]

The sound of the rain was supposed to calm you down, not make you even more anxious and sweaty and you sat with your legs firmly pressed against each other, hoping to fill in the lack of company you were feeling amongst the swarm of people who perhaps shared the same dreams, same aim as yours. Public places as trains, trams, bus stops; you always thought they portrayed as the perfect definition for the word ‘sonder.’ Each individual having a life pretty much as complex as yours — sometimes a little less or sometimes a little more. It fascinated you.

“Do you think the trip is worth it?” Lee Jeno, your best friend of quite a few years puffs his cheeks as he stared dubiously at the red and white poster he held. You took a peek at it, the amount of times Jeno had been pestering you if he should really give up the money he had saved for PS5 as a sacrifice for this trip, it was safe enough for you to say that you had every words printed on it memorized. Well, maybe not every words but the main stuff at least.

“Lee Jeno,” You sharply gawked at the male sitting beside you, earning an ugly grimace from him. “Stop it already. I don’t know about you but I ain’t passing this chance.”

“Wah, what a nice friend I got.” You failed to notice the dramatic eye roll he makes before shoving the poster in his backpack, the one he had been using since the first day you had befriended him. Was it 5 years? 6 years?

“Are we five years or six years?” But I met him on that bookstore down my neighborhood, that was like spring of 2017 and now it’s 2021.

The male let out a snort.  “If I am a five year-old then you are definitely still inside the womb.” Even though he was smiling with that ‘innocent eye smile’ the evil smirk sheathed beneath went unnoticed by you. No sooner had he opened his mouth, a fresh harsh smack landed on his arms that were clad in a filmsy material of cotton and thus a silent yelp of pain escaping from him as he grabbed the area which was starting to sting with each passing second. The smack, albeit meant for him, you were unable to ignore the similar stinging pain in your palm, tears pricking in the corners of your eyes. But you made sure to show absolutely no signs of distress; it was somewhat a matter of childish pride for you.

“Change your career aim from a perfumist to an assassinator will you?” If it were the campus grounds, you two would have already been latched at one another throats; both metaphorically and literally.

“I will gladly not.” You huffed at the male whose eyes held a scornful gaze, now even more annoyed or perhaps, as you would think most of the times, he was just exaggerating. You found yourself mindlessly scrolling through your gallery in search of the recent notes from Mr. Kim’s classes. Until you stumble across something you had been long avoiding, a forlorn fragment from the former days of your high school.

“Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N.”

It was a picture of you smiling way too bright, cheeks and nose flushed red while being squished by the only male in the frame as he pressed a peck against your cheek. His neck was craned to the side, ripe ears clearly visible in the small Polaroid film. As much as you hated to admit, your heart would still make flips and turns whenever you run into something that reminded you of him, your very first love and first heart break—Jung Sungchan.

Jeno was too busy in his dreamland as he dozed off with his head resting peacefully against your shoulder. It was no new news that the lad had been immensely in love with you ever since the first time you saved him from getting bullied back in 9th grade. However, you were always too busy with your academics and extra-curricular activities and thus clearly drawing a line of only being friends. Nothing else. It happened when Jeno had finally mustered up the courage after excelling in his Maths Olympiad, where he made a bet that if he indeed secures a place in the top 5, you have to abide by anything he wishes for. But he wished for your love, something you were not really capable of doing so; especially at that time. You did not have the heart to say no when Jeno jogged up to you, his eyes transforming into crescents as he smiled wide. “I did it!” His words came out rather breathy, possibly because of him running to you, and maybe because how hard he could feel his heart thump against his ribs when he noticed the proud grin on your face. Without wasting any moment further, Jeno lets go of the white banner of achievement he had been holding, his hands now focusing on yours. You could almost feel the slight tremble and the wetness of his sweaty palms, but before you could even say anything he beat to you by saying, “Go out on a date with me. Only one.”

There were numerous times when you felt guilty about turning down Jeno. At times it had you baffled that why a guy like him would ever bother liking you so much. Jeno was incredibly talented; gifted with unfair boon of genius traits in both academics and athletics. His little version of him always demeaned his abilities, often failing to notice that how much more he was rather than just a quiet kid who loved coding and maths. Maybe perhaps that was the very reason for him to face the bullying, at least that’s what you thought when you first noticed him getting cornered by some stupid idiot dipshits from your class during recess. Jeno’s ID card lay discarded on the ground, as Kihyun grabbed its owner by the collar. You could not understand his reason for not fighting back, and thus being a silent spectator was never your thing so you decided to butt in. As much as you equally hated and liked one thing, boys seemed to get kinda wary of your presence. Especially boys like these who were already in the blacklist of the teachers. It did not take them long to pick their asses and run from the site when you glared them with a threatening gaze, a single word from the class president and they would get suspended yet again for the umpteenth time in the year. You crouched down to Jeno’s level, carefully handing him his ID. You did not bother asking him if he was okay, of course he wasn’t. His face showed signs of previous injuries, the purple hues of bruises slightly fading beside his jaws. You still don’t know why but you felt the need to protect him from his solace, thus leading to this inseparable bond of yours.

But that was a version of him that was long forgotten. Jeno had become the star and face of the school in the last years of your highschool. Acing various quiz competitions, Olympiads, getting highest grades, being the captain of the soccer and basketball team; you were sure God really had His favorites.

You were not surprised when Jeno brought you to your usual favourite—candle shop. It was a hidden gem in your hometown, a small secluded shop located just a few miles away from the metropolitan. Not everyone was aware of its existence until that one day you decided to act rebellious for once in your school life. Of course dragging Jeno into this so called rebel act with you. The date was rather casual, just two friends messing around with wax and chemically named perfume essences. The shop was owned by a lady close to your grandma’s age, and it still makes you wonder how on earth was she able to keep up with the hollering you two were making. No matter how much you convinced yourself that maybe you could give the boy a chance, and perhaps feelings might grow on you later on; you could not make yourself cloud your rationality with the uncertain possibilities. You confessed every single thing that had been on your mind and Jeno just calmly listened to everything you uttered. You could clearly see the expression of hurt washing over his face, but he knew you. He knew that once you had made up your mind, there was no going back. The night did not cause any indifference in your friendship; it bloomed with each passing years of your middle school and then highschool. You two had become the infamous bestfriends, the once timid boy then all buff and handsome and the once spotlight lover girl then buried in her textbooks to pass the college entrance exams.

Throughout these years of teen, the candle shop had become a constant place for anything to you both; sadness, comfort or just enjoyable times. Until that one day when you met the grandson of the lady who owned the shop. Make a guess who it was.

When people spoke of their first heartbreak, you always cringed at how they exaggerated. Technically you never experienced one, so it seemed ridiculous to you that how was it possible to a simple break to cause others this much pain. You were shocked, no scratch that. Using fancy words, you were utterly bewildered when you saw the new transfer student—Jung Sungchan was the name, standing on the makeshift podium of your classroom. Thank God the architects decided to stick to keeping the height of the room above eight feet. You had changed drastically, contrasting your previous bubbly persona, you had become more reserved. It was just you being ambitious about something you had grown to like, and after some backstabs from your friends, you did not feel the need to have so many around you. Just Jeno being there for you was more than enough.

It would be a lie if Jeno did not sense the subtle looks you had been sending over to the new guy, but he was in no place to object you. It had only been a few moments of Sungchan’s arrival and Jeno already sensed his position in your life being threatened. He knew you were a saint who always looked out for others, and something about his presence made Jeno feel wary. Jeno did not need any of the privileges he had, all of it he owed to you after all. It was you who brought the best out of him, and in the end if he has them all but not you, it wasn’t clearly worth it to him. You preferred unpredictable things; it was what he learned about you in all your years of friendship. How you would always choose mystery thrillers over typical rom-coms, how you would always vouch for the new dish in the menu every time you both visited the local barbecue house. And he knew it was impossible to be one like that, it was just typical Taurus things (as he would like to blame) that made him too practical, too predictable for you. But, you never thought like that. It was just that even though you wanted to, you couldn’t make yourself grow romantic towards the boy you always shared your oreos and ramen with. He held a dear place in your heart and life.

Sungchan was immediately welcomed to the family, the girls already swooning over his good looks and amazing grades. Plus icing on the top, he was the half-brother of the infamous Jung Yoonoh, the heartthrob of the whole school, from juniors to seniors. While Jaehyun was the typical definition of being that one dude we always see in rom-coms who is loved and admired by all for his too humble personality and ethics, Sungchan on the other hand was more of a quiet one, often too shy properly open up his orginal self around new environment. Despite that, he was naturally amiable just like his brother, a trait that perhaps ran in the Jung household. Unlike Jaehyun who was presumably born with good brains, Sungchan was a hardworking one. Sungchan tried to settle down the queasy feeling he had been feeling ever since he moved back here, now that Jaehyun was always busy in Seoul with his medical degree someone had to look after their aging grandma. Sungchan was never really a part of any group, so leaving behind his school back in the city was not that painful for him. The atmosphere of the whole campus was pretty soothing; the bushes of neatly trimmed trees, big huge playground and the ochre shaded building. He liked all of it, and to top it all the uniform was really his style: solid crème and dark maroon combination.

When Sungchan stood awkwardly in the middle of the classroom, clearly clueless as to where he would be seating since all the seats were occupied, a soft voice called out his name rather eagerly. His eyes scanned for a while until he saw you; dark hair tied up neatly into a ponytail with a pencil in your hand as you waved him to notice the empty seat beside yours. Sungchan smiled at your sweet gesture, his out of place feeling now subsiding into the warmth of the possible blooming friendship.

“Hi there, I am Y/N.” You chirped, wiping your left hand before bringing it out for him to shake. Sungchan froze for a while before he realized what he was supposed to be doing. “Oh! And this is Jeno!” You turned slightly towards your best friend sitting just behind you with his famous eye smile.

“Hello, I am Jung Sungchan.” He returned the gesture shaking both your and Jeno’s hand. Whilst Jeno had the feeling of roughness and athleticism in his, your hands were warm and soft; it felt nice he thought. That was the first impression of yours to him: ball of sunshine. And your impression of him? Reserved and unpredictable; a combination that only meant chaos and imbalance.

Sungchan side-glanced at your fumbling state. Seating next to him you in the front row, you skimmed over your not so pleasant looking notes that you had scribbled anxiously in the prior night. Public speaking had never been a big deal for you once you get adjusted to the audience after going up on stage. However, it is the pre anxiety session that just always riles you up.

“You know,” Your head whipped a bit too fast to your liking at the voice belonging to the only male that sat beside you. “I’ll show you a trick. Here.” Sungchan proceeded to softly place your trembling hands on his, cautiousness apparent with every move he made. Even though you both had been seatmates for the last three months, you never found yourself involved in any sort of skinship with him; something that was really common for you and Jeno. The look of fluster was way too obvious when Sungchan softly rubbed various shapes on the back of your hand with his thumb, you were unsure if he was actually helping you ease from nervousness or just increasing it further. It had quite been a while since you had your hands caged in his, both of you completely unaware of the looks you had been getting from your senior teachers seated in the neighboring row. The moment was cut off when your name was announced from the stage by a senior, requesting your presence to commence your speech. Sungchan slowly lets go of your hands, mumbling a soft ‘best of luck!’ with his hands now fisted as an act of verbal encouragement. You eyes wandered around the crowd for a while before locating your best friend who sat miserably beside the homeroom teacher, really closing to dozing off before noticing your presence and copying Sungchan’s gestures.

The bus paused, Jeno still deep in his slumber despite the harsh jerk of the vehicle stopping in its tracks. You sighed, he must have probably been gaming the whole night with his roommate Donghyuck again. You nudged softly at first, the lack of response later than causing you to shake him vigorously by his toned arms that barely fit in your palms. Jeno instantly sprinted up with wide eyes before softly muttering a curse at your cruel way of waking him up.

“I was definitely right about you being a torturer in your previous life.”

“Sure you were. Get your ass off the bus now.”

You parted your ways with Jeno on the campus ground, him heading to his coding facult while you headed towards the chemistry club room. Apparently a newbie was supposed to come today from the US. It was odd you assumed since US had much better facilities for students majoring in chemistry. You glanced at your figure on your way to the room, wondering if the ripped jeans were a good choice as a first impression. You just disliked the idea of leaving off bad impressions, even if you are never going to meet the person again until your next life. Jaemin, another close friend of both you and Jeno smiled widely at your entrance, waving his hand as he pointed the seat next to him enthusiastically. Jaemin and you were basically clones of each other, the leos inside of you both shinig at its best whenever you two are together.

“I don’t understand why move back here from THE United States.” Jaemin dragged out the word, scoffing silently as he handed you a cup of iced Americano. You were about to sip before pausing. You could not have possibly risked your stomach again after that one fateful day when you tasted ‘his type’ of iced Americano. This dude legit gulped down eight espresso shots with a satisfied hum, horrified looks painted on your and Jeno’s features as you both just stared at him in utter shock.

“Please not the poisonous drink.” You eyed the male suspiciously, who scoffed at the nickname.

“Of couse not little baby.” Jaemin cooed with his lips puckered and an annoying high pitched voice, purposefully pinching your cheeks a bit harder than he usually does.

 “You little moth-”

“Hello guys, I am Sungchan. Nice to meet you all.” Your heart dropped at the familiar tone of voice. He isn’t possibly back again after leaving without any traces, without a single goodbye, is he? You did not dare to look at his figure standing in front of the table, awkwardly shifting in your seat while Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Hello, Sungchan.” Sulli, your senior by 2 years and also the president of the club greeted him warmly. “I hope you like it here because adjusting to a new place might be hard at times. Oh, these are your classmates; Y/N and Jaemin.”

Sungchan immediately looked in your direction at the mention of your name, his eyes equally wide in surprise mirroring your previous reaction.

“Y/N?” He called out in a rather unsure tone, just like his movements the cautiousness was also present there. “It’s been……a while….”

“Yeah, indeed.” You had a visible change in demeanor, Jaemin finally grasping the tense situation before jogging up to the male.

“Hi there, I am Na Jaemin. You can call me Nana if you want.” Jaemin put his hand out as a formality, to which Sungchan politely complied. “There’s a seat there you can sit.” Jaemin was luckily wise enough to occupy the empty seat beside yours without knowing the turn of events. He motioned Sungchan towards the seat diagonal to you, sensing the discomfort in your posture he assumed it was best if Sungchan sat somewhat further.

Concentrating on the yearly planning for the club was harder with his presence; Sungchan unable to hide his obvious lingering gaze on you. Jaemin would cough every now and then, signaling the male to focus on the club president’s instructions instead of you. But as his usual self, Sungchan pretended to not notice the clear hints, continuing keep his eyes locked on yours. You were barely able to note down some important events, knowing that Jaemin certainly cannot be trusted with his short time memory. After that president bids her farewell to everyone present in the room, you take it as your cue to just flee as soon as possible from his reach.

“Y/N, wait!” Sungchan was quick to grab you just as you were about to exit by the door, the sudden halt in movement causing you to stumble back into his embrace awkwardly. You were definitely embarrassed, your back pressed against his chest in a weird manner as you straighten yourself again. You scrunched you nose to hide your embarrassment before asking him.

“What is it now Jung Sungchan?” You were not meaning to snap at him, but the bitter memories of the past seemed to get the best of you.

Sungchan slightly winced at your cold tone, but what else could have expected after all the pain he had caused you. “I…I do..I mean like I..”

“Sungchan, I have my classes. Gather up your thoughts and then talk.” With that you turned on your heels, not even bothering to take your bag that you left on the seat you were prior sitting. Jaemin observed the scene quietly, his minds finally connecting the dots. Jung Sungchan, the boy you would always cry about whenever you got drunk, the boy who left you with nothing but memories of him. Jaemin thought it was best to not let out his inner frustration towards the guy who was now standing motionless in his tracks, lost in his trance as he gaped towards the door you had just left. Jaemin passed by Sungchan without a word, instinctively grabbing your bag as he made his way to his next class.

Sungchan stood dumbfounded, numerous thoughts racing in his mind. Why did I have to be so foolish? He thought. How can I blame her when I was the one who broke the promise first?

 Summer 2017

It was getting pretty boring for you at the library; usually some of the classmates bickering would give you some sort of silent company as you scribble down the notes. But for some unfound reason you seemed to be extremely distracted. You let out a long annoyed huffed, hands stretching in weird directions as you rested your head on the wooden table. It struck your mind there might be butts of nails pointed out and you didn’t want to get yourself a shot of tetanus, so you lazily glided your hands across the surface before returning back to your half laying position. It didn’t take long for you to zone out, mind running through various scenarios of university life, jobs and perhaps marriage? You blushed at the thought, just like any other teen you were also low-key always looking forward to your wedding.

“Are you asleep?” You shot up startled at the sudden voice, eyes immediately widening as you realized the owner. Sungchan had a smile with his lips pressed into a thin line, casually pulling out the empty seat beside yours as he made himself comfortable on it.

“Good to know you’re not. I need your help.” Sungchan wasted no time rummaging out a stack of sheets from his backpack, pressing them against the wood with a loud thump. You slightly winced at the loudness since the library was extra quiet today, the sound thus bouncing off more.

“You know if it’s literature, I suck at it.” Your mind took you back at that one time when you almost got yourself a C on the mentioned subject, chills running down at the memory.

“No, no.” Sungchan waved his hands softly chuckling. “It’s actually chemistry. Judging as a seatmate, I believe it’s your best sport.”

You happily nodded at the male, pleased that you get to help him with something that was under your specialty. Sungchan took a notice of your happy state, equally pleased that it was you that would be helping him.

“Tell me, what can I help you with.” You took the fat book from his hold, skimming over the contents page before highlighting the topics that were extremely important for the semester.

“I think hybridization? I just can’t seem to get how it works!” Sungchan’s voice levitated suddenly out of frustration, momentarily catching you off guard. Sungchan seemed to notice your amused look, shyly rubbing the nape of his neck with a little shrug.

“You know this is the first time I’ve seen you frustrated.” You commented, eyes fixated on the pages even though they were being extremely reluctant to rather focus on the fussy male. “It’s pretty easy you know. Look.” You explained him cautiously and slowly, how the overlapping of the orbitals occurred not realizing the proximity that seemed to lessen drastically. You whipped at his direction to see any signs of confusion, only to be met with a pair of dark orbs that stared at you intently. As embarrassing as it may sound, you gulped loudly. A bit too loud than you had intended to.

Sunghcan took notice of the situation you both blanketed in as a wave of déjà vu washed over him. He cleared his throat loud and awkward, half to lessen the embarrassment you were feeling and to poorly hide his own. You both were looking everywhere but each other, too dumb to maximize the close distance instead of acting like awkward cats.

“What are you both doing?” a deep male voice jerked you back to reality, upon turning you saw it belonged to Jeno. When did he come here?

“She was explaining the hybridization shits.” Sungchan huffed, slowly settling back to his orginal position. “I asked you so many times though…”

“You know chemistry is not my cup of tea.” Jeno shrugged at the male, a lazy smile playing on his face. “You wanna stay for b-ball practice today?”

“Not sure, I’ll see to it mate.” Sungchan did that fist-bump with Jeno, the two casually mingling like old friends as you stared idiotically at the scene unfolding in front of you.

“Since when did you both become Damon and Pythias?”

“Y/N, please not again your alien languages.” Jeno rolled his eyes before taking the seat beside, sandwiching you between both the males. “Since you happen to be tutoring a clown, an addition of another clown won’t do you any harm.” Jeno smiled at you, his doe eyes disappearing in the process.

Sungchan held back his snort, looking over both of you, he was happy. Though he was not as close to you as he had become to Jeno, he still considered you somewhat a close friend of his. Being seatmates with you and Jeno, it was inevitable that he soon became a constant in your life. Did I tell you that the candle shop was owned by his grandma? The shop if anything, had become this secret spot for you three. Study dates, random chills or just lazying around, the candle shop would be the first name that would pop up in your mind. 

With a blink of an eye perhaps junior year passes. Maybe that was how last years of highschool were. At one moment you barely just got promoted to a new class, and at another, you’re yet again getting promoted to higher one. You sat under the dull moonlight, a thin cardigan that was gifted to you by your dearest friend’s grandma. When Sungchan invited you and Jeno at his, his grandma had knitted this cardigan for you and a beanie for Jeno. The gesture was so sweet that it completely melted your heart, she was the living definition of wholesome for you. 

It was maybe that one day when you three decided to stroll the spring fair of your neighborhood, when you both finally came clean to your feelings. Jeno was always the one pointing you out that how you should just be a woman and confess. “It doesn’t always have to be the guy that says I LIKE YOU!” This what we he said before disappearing into the hives of crowds, leaving you waiting for Sungchan at the front of the public toilet he was finishing his business in. Pretty awkward right? Where else does anyone get to see a girl waiting for her crush in front of a public restroom. Sungchan came back outside, shuffling out his handphone before furrowing his brows at the text he just received. You immediately understood it was from Jeno. You had no idea what came over you, it felt like the adrenaline in your system decided to flood your nervous system, not even aware of yourself just launching at the dude with a chaste kiss on his lips. He was completely taken aback by the sudden feeling of your lips on his, it took him a while before responding you back with the same enthusiasm. You broke first from the kiss, not realising your fists crunching his prior perfectly ironed shirt. But he did not mind it all, a shy smile playing on both of your faces. The rest of the night was spent with your hands laced in his, just like another high school sweethearts of the time.

You smiled at the memory. Sungchan had a cigarette lit between the tips of his fingers, the tobacco smoke slowly poking your nose but not strong enough to bother you. With a deep sigh, he took a puff before blowing it own again in the air, a cloud of smog dancing around his figure.

“You should quit it, it’s not healthy.” It had already been a year since you became friends and six months since you became more than it, but there were times like this when you still found yourself nervous and wary whenever you are talking to him. You snuggled yourself into the cardigan, hugging yourself to minimize the tinges of frostbites. Sungchan was considerate of your discomfort, whenever he smoked, he made sure the cigarette was at least 2 feet away from you. 

“Take this.” Sungchan handed you another thick layer of clothing from his bag, his initials “J.SG” written big and bold. Without much thought, you accepted his kindness, and Sungchan had high tolerance to cold anyways unlike you who would shiver to death in the most usual temperatures. You figured Sungchan decided to dodge the topic you brought it, and you figured it would be better to not bring it up for a while.

“Where do you plan on going for college.” Sungchan spoke while rubbing the shortened cigarette on the bricks of the roof, swallowing the remaining water from his bottle throwing a strawberry gum inside his mouth. You figured he was now free from the reek of tobacco as you scoot closer to his form, opening your arms within the jacket for his to snuggle in as well. Just like Jeno, skinship was no new news for you both too, however; it always had your heart racing like crazy. You both remained cozy under the warm embrace of the jacket, and you prayed Sungchan would never listen how your pulse was acting up.

“I don’t know. Perhaps SNU? I mean only if I get accepted...” You trailed off, propping your chin against your bent knees before glancing at the boy. Then it struck you, what made him ask this sudden question, what made him smoke three cigarettes straight despite having yearly break for a whole month. “Will you be going to the US as well?”

“I don’t know...” Sungchan deeply sighed, his lips forming a small pout as he indulged in deep thought. What if he actually happens to leave for America? Your heart clenched at the thought, mimicking his sighs you rested your head against his shoulder. 

“You know,” You stared at the sky, it was dark and clear with no signs of stars. The feeling was unsettling. “Wherever you go, we’ll always be there for you.” Your eyes shifted to the illuminating lights from numerous buildings that replaced the absence of the twinkling stars in the sky. The ominous feeling soon dissipated into relief. It was as if the universe telling you, we just have to look out for the good sides instead of dwelling on the bad. 

“I know.” Sungchan smiled, one that was both happy and sad. He rested his head on yours, joining your company of gazing at the scenery. “I know.”

“Just...” there was hesitation laced in your tone, Sungchan was quick to notice it as he looked at you, nodding for you to continue. “Please don’t leave...not without a goodbye. Promise me that.”

“I promise you.” Sungchan held your cold hands in his warmer ones, a firm assurance making your heart swell in both hurt and adoration as you kissed him again.

You both never really made it official, despite the kiss at the fair. It was perhaps the uncertainty that held you both back. Sungchan’s future was not in his hands but his family’s; just like his brother, he is supposed to make his family shine bright. It was one of the major reasons why his parents let both the brothers two years of freedom on their remaining bits of high school. ‘All parents want the best for their kids,’ that’s what you would always say to him whenever you meet him at his roof; him smoking while you offered his physical comfort.

The senior year passed within a whim, the fright of entering into adulthood descending upon all the students as they remained buried in their textbooks. Maybe it wasn’t the case for everyone, but it did apply to you and your friends. You remained occupied with you daily extra classes for chemistry while Sungchan had biology and Jeno had mathematics. You three would meet up in periodic breaks, catching up with small talks before returning back to your respective schedules. It was nothing but hectic, and soon, the candle shop returned back to being just another isolated shop in your hometown.

Graduation day was filled with smiles and congratulatory phrases from different individuals, throwing your grad caps in the air felt like as if you were throwing away a significant part of your life, ready to embrace a new version of you. All the parents stood their with proud grins, delighted at their children’s achievement to their dreams.

“Congratulations!” You chirped, receiving bone crushing hugs from both your males before an elderly voice called for you.

“Y/N! Jeno! Sungchan!” It was your mom, waving excitedly to grab you and the males’ attention. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” You all resonated together, happy and delighted.

A series of furious knocks jolted you awake from your sleep. You figured it might have been your younger brother, probably wanting your help in his homework.

“I swear to god Y/b/n!” You let out an ear piercing shout, groggily rubbing your eyes from deep slumber.

“It’s me. Jeno.” You heard how breathy his voice sounded, it was coated with urgency and hurt. You heart dropped but you prayed to the Heavens and God, you prayed that it should not be the very thing that you had been dreading so much. You shot up from your bed, not even bothering to make yourself look presentable before whipping the door open to meet with an equally dazed and riled Jeno.

“It’s Sungchan. He...” Jeno beathed out a deep sigh, before handing you a lilac envelope, the initials J.SG written in bold. You failed to feel the tears pooling up, threatening to fall anytime. Jeno glanced over you sympathetically, with shaky trembling hands, you took the the paper. 

You don’t bother to closer the door, Jeno soon taking his leave as he thought it would be best to give you some space to absorb it all in. The tears had started to stream uncontrollably when you saw the picture that came with the letter. It was one of the many pictures that you took on the night of the fair; the day you had confessed, the you had your first kiss. It was a polaroid of you holding him lovingly in an embrace, him shyly placing a kiss on your cheeks with the words ‘Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N’ scribbled on the white frame. Your hands fished for your cellphone, frantically dialing his number as you waited for him to pick up, hoping that he’ll soothe your anxiety by saying he did not leave, that he was still in town and you were just being delusional.

But every time you dialed his contact, you were being forwarded to the monotonous tone saying that the number was currently unreachable. Your chest squeezed in pain, he had promised you. He promised you that he will come for a goodbye at least. He had promised you that he would never leave you clueless and hurting. All you ever asked for him, was just a goodbye; perhaps a source assurance for you to wait for his return. 

You wiped the tears with the edge of your sleeves, opening the the piece of folded paper.

‘Dear lovely Y/N,

You might resent me when you receive this letter, and I certainly don’t blame you for that. I am not the best with words, I am clumsy and unexpressive but I hope that this piece of scribblings makes you understand all my feelings, my thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me from the day I first saw you.

You know I that I am very much aware that I do....hold some handsome genes.’ You couldn’t help but snicker at this. 

‘However, unlike all, as typical as it may sound, you stood out. You lazily laid sprawling across your desk in deep slumber, completely unaware of the chaos of classroom. I wish I was that carefree like you, indulged in her own world and comfort bubble. It attracted me a lot.’ You got up from the floor, eyes still glued to the piece of paper as you shut your door locked. Your hands still went to dial his contact, but only to be forwarded to that damned robotic voice.

‘I wanted to be like you, not bothered by the constant pressures of coming from a prestigious family. Did I ever tell you my dad is the Director of Myeongsu Hospital?’ You gasped at the sudden information. His dad was the director of the one of the most prestigious and renowned hospitals of South Korea. It was too overwhelming for you to process, but you still found yourself continuing. 

‘It was inevitable for me to act like just another teenager, not for me but for my brother too. I always blamed him for being so selfish when he just left me alone when he came to grandma, I failed to realize that it was some sort of comfort gift from our parents so that we’ll devote ourselves to build the family’s name for the rest of our lives. 

Even though I wanna blame them, I don’t think I can because they had the same fate. It comes with a price when you’re born with a silver spoon, and I guess I had to pay mine when I left your doorstep last night. I...I was a coward. I know I should have just come up, hug you and kiss you for the last time. But I just couldn’t. I was too scared.

I was scared that the moment I’ll see you, my guards will crash down. These two days were really hectic for me, I made up excuses when you invited me at yours because I was afraid of losing my balance. I knew that only a glance at you would be enough to make me change my mind and revolt against my parents, my fate. And you have no idea how much I wanted to do so, you have no idea how I’ve spent endless of sleepless night where it is the only thing that would run on my mind. But you tell me, would it be really worth it? I did not want you spending the rest of your lives with swarming paps and reporters, publishing reports and articles of how you managed to tarnish the heir-in-line of the prestigious hospital. No I could never do to that someone I love so dearly. I could never in a thousand years do that. 

You know every time I picture you in your grown-up self, I can only see a strong and confident woman thriving in her career, a woman that is so powerful but still has a heart of gold. I know that you’ll be an amazing person, inside and out. I wasn’t really planning to express my love and admiration for you like this, I hoped to do it in person, but perhaps, maybe that’s how the stars planned it out for us. Fate is extra cruel in my case don’t you think? 

It would be extremely selfish of me to ask you to wait; I am not even sure if I would ever return because my father would be opening another branch in US. And well, I am not sure what plans he has for me.

So please, if you ever find it in your heart, I hope you will forgive me. And even if you don’t, please don’t ever feel guilty about it. You have all the right to do so and I most certainly deserve your hatred. I love you so much, Y/N. You’re my first kiss, my first love, and you’ll  always hold this irreplaceable place in my heart. 

With Love,

Jung Sungchan.

You felt your world crashing down, a part of you wished that this letter never ended. The only remain from him had also come to an end, and you were not sure how you would be able to cope with his absence for the next years of your life.

Present

“Sungchan is back?” Jeno widened his eyes in shock, the information seemingly unbelievable to him. “He really is?”

“Yes.” You monotonously replied, numerous thoughts battling at the back of your head. Jaemin cleared his throat, a sign for Jeno to not bring up the topic for a while. Jeno eyed the male in confusion before finally getting the hint.

“You’re lucky you don’t get to have Mr.Suh’s classes, he’s just hot and it’s frustrating. And that’s coming from a straight dude like me.” Jeno slurped on his smoothie loud and sound, probably to annoy the other male as he was well aware his distaste to people making sounds while eating.

“Y/N.” a voiced called out from behind, and you instantly knew who it belonged to. 

“Sungchan. Oh my god!” Jeno shot up from his seat, immediately embracing the old face from his past. “How have you been man? You just disappeared...”

“I am so sorry.” Sungchan looked at Jeno with pleading eyes. “I know I have absolutely no excuse for my act and I am just so sorry, Jeno and Y/N.” Sungchan looked at Jeno who silently urged him to talk to you.

“Y/N, please talk to me. I don’t expect your forgiveness but please. Atleast curse me, hit me just do anything. Please.”

You whipped your head to find Sungchan crouching down to match your seat level, a sigh escaping from you as you stood straight from your seat. 

“Guys, I’ll be back.” You gripped his hands before dragging him alongside the canteen corridor.

Jaemin looked over his friend who stood staring at the way you just took. And expressionless look was painted on his features, causing Jaemin to shake his head and sigh. “You know man,” Jeno changed his attention to the male speaking, fixing his glasses. “If I were you, I would have just held her back. You’re extremely strong, I could have never done that.” With that Jaemin patted his friend’s back, a silent assurance that if he needed a shoulder to cry or to simply lean on for comfort, he’ll be there for him.

A mixture of feelings were erupting inside you, you were furious but happy. Sad but grateful. You scanned the halls for signs of any empty classroom and upon finding one you just shoved the male inside it.

“What’s so funny about messing with my feelings?” You already tears welling up, your vision blurry as you sharply glance at the male with a frown on his face.

“Y/N, I would nev-”

“You left me,” you utterly hated at how pathetic you sounded at the moment, harshly wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks. “You promised me that you won’t leave without showing up one last time, but you did. You fucking did.” You knew it was not something under his control, but you couldn’t help but pour your bottled feelings.

“Please...Y/N...listen..to me...Please..” Sungchan lost his composure, his voice breaking as he stepped closer to you. Seeing how you did not flinch at his approach, Sungchan captivated you in his embrace, something that he had been yearning for ever since he parted ways. You felt the wetness of his tears on your head, melting in his longing embrace you found yourself hugging him back. You missed him so much, his scent, warmth, presence. Everything about him drove you crazy, you were still dazed to believe if he was actually back for real or is it just one of your numerous daydreams. 

The rest of the days went as usual, but only with the addition of Sungchan back again in your life. Although you had long forgiven him in his heart, you decided to not vocal it out. As heartless as it may sound, you wanted him to make up for the pain he caused you, and he indeed did. Jaemin was skeptical in the beginning at the idea of another person joining you small group, he had come to liking the idea of you guys as trio and was more comfortable like that. But he saw how your eyes lit up every time you about him when you were newly friends with Jaemin, how Jeno would always drunk talk about the times they passed as seatmates bothering the hell out of you. So Jaemin broke his exterior cold composure on the fourth day, finally accepting the banana milk from the new male as a form of bribe for his addition to the group.

Sungchan worked harder than deities; always making sure to get you Americanos before your classes, taking extra notes for you whenever you felt sick, tolerating your extremely drunk self and even dropping you back at your dorms safely. He had mentioned how he finally mustered up the courage to stand up against his fathers, that he wanted to do something else rather than working in the medical field. Even though he had still yet to decided his desired career, Sungchan decided to just follow his intuitions which ended up him taking chemistry as his major and thus landing in the same institution and same class as yours. And not to mention, he was beyond grateful for it.

A month had passed with his arrival, the awkwardness amongst everyone long gone and forgotten. It was as if he never left you. You were never over him, so his all time sweet gestures was making it harder for you to maintain your cold act.

“I happened to attempt making kimbap? But I am not sure if they are edible..” Sungchan trailed off as he hesitantly hands you the small metal box. You almost laughed at how cute but messy they looked, his failed attempt at giving the rolls eyes and lips with sesame seeds and ketchup was beyond adorable. You took the box from his grasp, a smile playing on your face as you looked at him. Sungchan upon noticing your grin, rubbed the nap of his neck shyly, his ears and cheeks mirror the shade the of the ketchup. You took a bite from one of the many rolls he made, a hum of satisfaction escaping your lips as you relished the tangy sweet taste. It was perfect, just how you preferred it.

“It’s pretty good.” You licked the stain of ketchup from your fingers, failing to notice how the male blushed harder at your subtle act. “We have Mr.Lee’s class, so I believe we should hurry up before it’s too late.”

On the night of the annual university carnival, Sungchan confessed to you. At least not in front of a public washroom this time. With the constant aid of Jeno and Jaemin, Sungchan was able to plan out a pretty dramatic confession for you. You were completely surprised when Jaemin called you out of nowhere, frantically asking for your presence to a specific classroom. You feared if the dork had committed some sort of treason explaining how dramatic he sounded, so you rushed without giving any second thoughts. However, when you saw the trail of roses with candles adorning the edges, you froze. It had the same scent both you and Sungchan had invented; the sweet scent of lily with tinges of tangerine to it.

A flustered looking Sungchan steps out from the dark, his hands rest behind his back as you cautiously scanned your face. When he saw no signs of discomfort, Sungchan slowly jogged to where you stood, his hands holding a bouquet of lilies with a small note on top of it.

“I know I have made tons of mistakes, hurt you so many times. But I still want to test my luck.” Sungchan got down on his knees, holding the bouquet with his head hanging low. “Y/L/N, will you allow me to be your man? Will you be my girlfriend?”

A shit eating grin spread on your face, slightly giggling at how adorable he looked. “I thought you’d never ask.” You took the flowers, a soft smile adorning your lips as you lock eyes with an extremely surprised Sungchan. “Of course Sungchan.”

“Of course? For real?” Sungchan couldn’t believe what just happened, he was half expecting you to flat out reject him at how inconsiderate he had been. But you accepted his apology, accepted his love. Sungchan stood up, his heart squeezing in delight and adoration for you. He cupped your face gently, as if you were a porcelain doll that would just break if not handled carefully. You saw how his eyes shone with love, sparkling brightly on the soft light from the lighted candles and you swore you never felt so much before for anyone else as much as you felt for him. Sungchan closed the proximity, his nose slight touching yours as he rested his forehead against yours, the smiling never for once leaving his face. 

The tension was building up with each passing second, the sounds of your heavy breathing being the only silence breaker. You got impatient, the feeling of his lush lips got you being greedy as you closed the distance standing on your tip-toes, momentarily catching him off the grid before receiving the same attention back. You gripped on his shirt, too unbothered to break the kiss despite losing your breath. He paused for a moment, panting before pulling you back under his spell. The bottled feelings and emotions of longing and pining for each other were poured into the this sweet shared moment of yours. You were grateful that the whole building had no signs of any lurking students and professors, what was supposed to be a innocent make-up kiss soon transformed into a heated one as he held you by your waist, pinning you against the wall with his lips still attached to yours.

You pulled back for the heavy make-out session, almost earning a whine from the male before you soothed him with you words that came next. “I love you.”

 Sungchan felt his already beating heart pick up its pace, becoming hastier that he was low-key afraid if he might face a stroke anytime. With a loving grin, he looked back at you who was still caged in his arms. He tucked the stray of hair brushing across the sides of your face from the soft breeze entering the windows, the illuminating yellow hues from the candles making you look like a dream. A dream that seemed unattainable to him until this very moment.

“I love you so so much. Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself, to allow me to show you my feelings, Y/N.” He was breathless, he felt so many emotions at that moment when you glanced at him loving. He was afraid his pulse might stop any moment, so he kissed you back, but now filled with passion and desire. And let’s just say, one of your fantasies were fulfilled that night.

The news of his grandma passing away came after a few months when you both had officially started dating. Both the Jungs were extremely close to her, so when Jaehyun took her back to Myeongsu Hospital where he was currently the chief of neurology, her condition was inevitable. Jaehyun hoped that maybe she might get to spend more time on earth under his care, but he too was victim in the cruel hands of destiny. Sungchan rushed to your dorm, bloodshot eyes as he told you the news. You found yourself sobbing alongside him, tenderly keeping him embraced in your warmth as you shared his pain. You knew her personally as well, all the moments spent with her were a profound favorite part of teen years. 

“I wanted to meet you before I leave for Seoul. I came to say a goodbye.” Sungchan sniffed, his hands wiping away the streams of water rolling down your face. You smiled at his concern, mimicking his actions you brushed his sweaty bangs away from his forehead before placing a soft peck against it.

“It’s okay. Don’t tell me goodbyes anymore...for I know you’ll always come back to me.”

Epilogue

Sungchan fumbled with his tie nervously, bile reaching up his throat as the worst scenarios flooded his brains. His eyes frantically looked around for help, making a bow-tie was just not his cup of his. A breath of relief escapes his lips when his eyes landed on his closest beloved friend Jeno. Jeno stood leaning against the door frame, an amused grin painting his sharp features as he walked to the struggling male.

“Bro...” Sungchan huffed pleadingly, a pout forming his eyes.

“Yes bro.” Jeno flashed him an eye roll, before having the same eye smile again as he fixed his friend’s tie. After all, it was a big event for him.

To say the least, you looked breathtaking in your white laced gown. The simplicity of the dress made you look more elegant, it enhanced your natural beauty and Sungchan couldn’t just tear his eyes away from your form. It was supposed to be the bride’s day, but to him you shone the brightest.

“You know it’s me getting married, but the new comers might assume it’s you considering how you are gaping at y/n shamelessly.” Jaehyun hissed to his best man, earning a scoff from Sungchan.

“Hyung, let me have my moment! Please.” Sungchan whined but was careful to tone it down, only to receive a slight nudge from the groom who chuckled at his antics. 

The wedding was glamorous, elegant, anything that could be named as a dream wedding. Sungchan remained glued beside you the whole night, a proud grin on his face every time he was asked about the lady whose arms laid locked with his. With a smug look, he would rub on their faces that you were his girlfriend, especially exaggerating to the males who seemed to had their eyes on you. You both enjoyed the silent company of each other, the soothing sounds of the wind replacing the absence of music as Sungchan drove you back to your place, hands still intertwined. When he came in front of your shared apartment, he fidgeted in his seat nervously; fishing out something from his coat. 

You figured it was another one of his endless gifts, so you just smiled with your back resting against the cushion seat of the car. 

“Sungchan, you really need to-”

A throat seering stopped you in the midst of speaking, your eyes widening when you realized what the purple velvet box might contain. Sungchan let out breaths of nervousness, blowing out some air out of his lungs to lessen the feeling of anxiety as he looked at you, eyes as genuine as ever.

“Y/N, I don’t believe in fancy proposals as you know. It is an intimate moment for us so I want it to happen in the presence of only us.” Sungchan stuttered in the middle as he opened the box, revealing an extremely gorgeous but simple plated band with a small stone adorning the top perfectly.

“So will you marry me?”

You stared at the male dumbfounded. Your eyes refused to believe the scene in front of you, hearts doing numerous flips and turns and it was just hard to explain all the feelings you were feeling. Sungchan had always been the one for you, and even though not everyone gets to have a happy ending with their first love, you were beyond grateful that you had happened to fall in the rare probability.

“I...OF COURSE. OF COURSE I WILL.” You yelped in delight, shoving your hand in front of his face as he just laughed while placing the ring on your finger. It fit perfectly. You grabbed him by the collar and kissed him with your overpowering passion and love, not realizing how if continued any longer, you guys might have to pay a fine for parking on the wrong side. So without wasting any time further, you both hauled yourselves to your apartment, refusing to break the contact of your lips molded perfectly together on your way. In short, let’s just say ‘sweet innocent kiss transformed into a heated one’ yet again.

© urlocalnctstan 2021

I went completely overboard with this. I am so sorry if it didn’t turn up as you had expected it to, and honestly I am not completely pleased with it either. I felt like it could’ve been better in terms of expressing emotions. However, improvement is a never ending proccess and im still learning. SO TO WHOEVER WHO HAPPENED TO MAKE THIS TILL HERE. I LOVE YOU SODIJMS YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME. 

Feedbacks and criticisms are always appreciated! Please care to leave them as it may help me potentially grow as a writer. Thank you for sparing your time to read my piece of work.

with love,

Hana.

[for-ests]

Waiting Game: Ban x Reader

Summary: friends with benefits can only drag on for so long when both parties have gotten over their past lovers and are faced with death. (honestly don’t know what this drabble is but enjoy the nymph lore) 

Warnings: smut, mentions and descriptions of death 

Wc: 5, 049

It was entirely impossible to resist Ban’s advances. 

It took all of your willpower to keep your distance, to pretend he was nothing more than a friend, and to pretend that each smile he directed your way didn’t pull violently at your heartstrings. 

Yet, the two of you danced around the thin and dangerous line of friends with benefits. Ban loved another, and so did you. 

The years of pain and suffering you had endured just trying to forget your past lover had worn you down. Your first beloved was dead, leaving a hole in your heart that felt like it would never be repaired. 

Your story was far less epic, and far more grim. You were nothing but a forest Nymph, even if you were designated a princess. That title meant nothing when the kingdom you had been expected to rule was wiped off the map by the Holy Knights. 

You had nothing to run back to. You and your people scattered desolately across the continent, desperate to cling to any prospering landscapes and vegetation. That was where you were strongest, but even then, it wasn’t much. 

That’s why you had immediately devoted yourself to Meliodas’s cause the moment he saved your life. And years later, when Ban found his way back into the group, you felt yourself wanting to devote your heart to him. 

Strangely though, devoting your body was easier at first. Pretending that you could never feel love for a person again was easier. You would lose yourself against Ban’s lips, and find an exhilarating high you had never known before. 

None of the other sins knew about your late night escapades with Ban. Nobody even suspected that you would be interested in him. How could you, a ‘dainty’ and ‘helpless’ Nymph even handle someone as strong and powerful as Ban? 

Truthfully, you had been searching for someone that refused to treat you as if you were fragile. You relished in the toughness of Ban, the complete and utter control he exerted and how he refused to be gentle with you. You were simply attracted to him because he was the only one who put his needs above others. 

That was the only reason, right? 

It was hard to remain neutral about your relationship with the Fox Sin. He would treat you like you were just a hooker who had found your way into his bed at night, but then treat you like the princess you rightfully were in the morning. 

All your life you had been protected, you had been cherished, and you had been taken care of. And Ban, he only took care of himself. At least at the start of his relationship with you. You found immense pleasure in being treated like a rag-doll, you loved the feeling of his fangs scraping your delicate sin. Love bites and bruises were welcomed, as long as they were able to be concealed. 

Your secretive relationship with Ban had been going on for months, and now it was starting to take its toll on you. You were starting to slip up every day, making your concern and feelings for him known to others. 

It had always been hard to face the reality of your situation. But now that you had found a welcoming group with similar goals, you were starting to deeply care for them. When you stood by their side in battle, the constant fear of death weighed down on your shoulders. You weren’t as strong as them, you weren’t nearly prepared enough. You were weak with how much you cared. 

And if they left, you would have nobody. Now, you were vulnerable. 

Especially Ban. Watching him fight that day had brought tears to your eyes. The Holy Knights had been keen on ending your life, yet the Fox Sin had sacrificed himself to save you. Even if he was immortal, the pain he must have felt from the blade piercing his heart was unfathomable. Yet, he had done it with no hesitation for you. 

Every time you closed your eyes, the scene of his potential death seared through the darkness. You could hardly remember what happened after, but you knew you had screamed at the top of your lungs, sprinting towards him in horror, knees buckling underneath you. 

Your comrades had been baffled at your outburst. And you knew if there weren't greater challenges to face, they might have even asked you about it. 

Elizabeth had. She caught you right before you closed your bedroom door. 

“Are you okay, Y/N?” 

Without needing to ask, you knew what she was referring to. You had always kept your cool, you had always been focused in battle no matter whose life was at stake, even your own. Yet your inner turmoil had become too much to conceal. 

The panic that was visible in your eyes had caused Elizabeth to shudder. She recognized the look on your face to resemble her own when it came to Meliodas.

“Yeah, I'm alright.” You managed a smile. 

The princess sighed. “I’m finding that hard to believe.” 

Opening your door further, your shoulders slumped in defeat. “I just had a wakeup call today.” Though your words were short, they came out soft and forthcoming. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Elizabeth tilted her head, fidgeting with her fingers. She was already dressed in her nightgown, all prepared and ready for a peaceful slumber. You knew if you admitted what was racing through your mind, she would also spend all night worrying about it and comforting you. 

Yes, you did. You really wanted to, but fatigue was starting to invade your senses. Your love for Ban could be confessed another night. 

“I do, Elizabeth.” You exhaled in defeat. She had definitely figured you out. “I’ll talk to you about it later… I just need some sleep right now.” 

“I understand-” She reached for your hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

Her kindness astounded you. It astounded you so much that you were left speechless. It reminded you of the kindness your deceased sister used to radiate. The memories overtook you before you could stop them. It had been so long, it had been years since you had felt like this. 

Elizabeth released your hand and gave you a weary smile. She was drained as well. The princess turned slowly, and retreated back to her bedroom. 

“Thank you.” You called after her. The two of you had a lot more in common than you were willing to admit. You were just frightened of the pain you would feel when she was no longer with you. Everyone you had ever cared about had died. One less person to care about would equal one less heartbreak. 

Yet, you were starting to realize your attempt to push others away wasn’t working. Even if you didn't want to care, you still did. There was no escaping that fact. 

“Of course, Y/N.” She whispered, then closed her door. 

The lamp on your bedside table was dim. For a moment, you stood in the middle of your room. You wanted to sleep, you were incredibly drowsy, yet your brain refused to rest like your body so desperately craved. 

You spent a couple minutes reorganizing the few items in your possession. Anything to keep your mind busy, anything to not think about your horrifying past, anything to not think of him. 

Him. Ban’s face flashed through your mind. For the first time, Ban was the only man present. Your cravings for your past lover were starting to diminish. You still missed him more than anything, yet you took comfort in the fact that you might be moving on. 

He would want you to be happy. Even if your happiness was rooted in another man’s presence. 

The clanging of dishes emitted from downstairs, causing you to turn towards the door. The lights from below shone through the wooden panels. Without sparing a second more to think, you reopened your door. The only person awake would be him. 

The other sins had retired to bed, leaving Ban to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Knowing you wouldn't be able to sleep unless you talked to him, you tiptoed down the stairs to join him. Your thoughts were in shambles and you were searching for comfort. Temporary or not, you needed something. And Ban was the only one you were comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. 

“Hey there.” You whispered once you rounded the stairwell and into the restaurant portion of the building. 

Ban glanced over his shoulder and found you waiting patiently. Smirking, he turned to face you fully. “Why are you up? I assume it's not to help me with dishes.” 

Briefly, his eyes lingered on your somewhat exposed body. Your bedtime attire, though loose and comfortable, still managed to accentuate your frame. 

“What if it is?” You teased, lightheartedness filling your tone at the sight of him smiling upon your arrival. He had probably been expecting it, knowing you. 

You had hardly spoken during dinner, all you had mumbled was a thank you before retreating back to your bedroom. Everyone had noticed it was a stark contrast from the heavenly taste his cooking provided, one that you complimented time and time again. 

Ban could tell something was wrong when you still seemed distressed despite a full belly. 

“Then show me, come help.” He turned back around, calling your bluff. 

You obliged without another word. The faucet was streaming with water, and you took charge of drying the dishes after Ban scrubbed them clean. 

Sometimes chores was all it took to silence the calamity of your mind. Even if Ban was part of your distress, you found comfort in his company alone. 

That was what you had sought for, yet now that you were by his side again, you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how to act now that he had seen the desperation in your eyes. 

Did he think you were insane for caring about him? 

The silence between you and the Fox Sin was deafening. You could tell there was a lot on his mind because of the way his eyebrows were narrowed. If it was even possible, the way he scrubbed the excess food off the plates was frustrated in nature. 

Minutes passed, the night stretching on. At this rate you had become too timid to speak, sheepishness gracing your features as you tried to decipher what he was thinking. 

Ban handed you a cooking pot, it was large and bulky, causing your hands to touch his as you took it from his grasp. You could feel his gaze on you finally, the intensity of his eyes seeming to bore holes into your skull, threatening to uncover what you were feeling. 

“What happened to you today?” He asked. 

Sighing, you averted your gaze to the damp towel in your hand. “Nothing Ban, it’s okay.” 

Ban paused until you finished drying off the rest of the dishes. He shut the sink off and wiped his hands clean. 

“You cried.” He said, as if you didn’t know. “You were afraid.” 

It was hard to remember that you had never cried in front of The Sins before. You had been alive for over two hundred years and developed a hardened shell. For decades you hadn’t shed a tear in front of another, yet witnessing Ban risk his life for you caused you to snap. 

“I’m always afraid.” You deflected his attempt once again. 

“You don’t need to be, Y/N.” His voice resembled tenderness, an emotion he rarely displayed. 

Despite the softening of your heart, you glared. “Why?” 

“Because I’ll protect you. I can’t die.” 

Faltering at his bluntness, you turned away. He had to be toying with you, like he always did, like he always had. “You can still leave, Ban. You can still be taken away from me.” 

The anguish in your voice was evident. It was becoming hard to speak, the fear of losing everything you had with him over something as simple as being honest was unbearable. 

Suddenly, Ban grasped your shoulders and forced you to face him. He tilted your chin up, his eyes seeming to burn with a passion that surpassed the normal lust you had become accustomed to. “I wouldn’t leave you.” 

“Am I supposed to believe that?” You tried desperately to fight off his advances. You didn’t know why, you just didn’t want to admit something you would later regret. Ban didn’t care about anyone but himself. That was what it came down to, you didn’t want to fall in love with someone who would never be able to love you back. “All I am to you is sex. That’s how it’s always been and how it will always be. You can spare the theatrics before they suspect it.” 

Now, Ban was starting to unravel the fervent need that had been stirring inside him for months. He wanted you more than anything, he needed you—yet he was fighting against himself. He didn’t deserve you, someone as pure and innocent as yourself had already let him take advantage of your body for far too long. 

Yet Ban couldn’t stop. His selfish nature was overpowering, encouraging him to take your heart as well as make it his own. The Fox Sin wanted you all to himself and wouldn’t be able to handle the repercussions that would follow if your head was turned by another. 

Ban knew he was going to lose you if he didn’t do anything. And the thought of losing you was something he couldn’t bear. There was still so much you had to offer, so much you had to teach him, so much love you were offering with every longing stare and every touch. 

So, he begged. It felt strange to care for someone like this again. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what needed to be said except the obvious truth. “After I took a spear in the chest for you? After you held me in your arms and cried? That’s all you have to say?” 

You couldn’t meet his gaze. Tears were threatening to pour over at this point. 

Why couldn’t you say it? Why couldn’t you come clean? You were not a prideful person, you were always honest and open. Yet still, as the confession perched on the tip of your tongue, you struggled to even breathe. 

After the awkwardness of your previous insult had passed, Ban’s forehead rested against your own, the weight of him sending shivers down to your core. His skin against yours would always be enough, no matter your relationship. Was a wish like that even allowed? Were you allowed to be as greedy as him? 

With a quivering lip, you finally met his gaze. Red hues stared back at you with an unmasked intensity, hands finding their way along your jawline, easily cupping your cheeks in their entirety. He smirked when he realized they were burning. 

This time, you refused to look away. Say it first. You dared, finally coming to realize that he was thinking the exact same thing as you. Be a man and say it first. 

“I love you, Y/N. Is it not obvious?”  

Your eyes widened. The way they had when you watched him stumble to the ground, a spear protruding through his chest, the consequence of caring for someone. Everyone you had ever loved met the same fate. 

Though you suspected he might, hearing him finally admit it was in its own league of shocking. A tear spilled over your eyelid, and as you struggled to think of something to say, you felt it roll down your cheek. Ban moved his thumb and wiped it away. “Say you love me too. I know you do.” His tone rose with conviction, his grip tightening with each second of silence that passed you by. 

“I-I do.” You whimpered, blinking profusely. “I love you too.” 

Immediately, the Fox Sin relaxed against you. Before you could make another move your entire body was embraced, engulfed by his own. 

Neither of you spoke, both of you wondering if the other was completely over their past lover.  You were, and Ban was too. Neither of you would have confessed a lie and proclaimed it the truth. 

It had already taken so long to get to this point that there was no use to deny it. 

He held onto you until your tears evaporated. Breathing in his scent was enough to pry you from your never-ending thoughts, a scent that was similar to evergreen and hickory. Home. It was your home. 

Eventually, like he always did, Ban pulled away and lifted your chin up with his finger. “You’re mine now.” 

“I always was.” You revealed, trying to hide the desperation that threatened to pour over. Resistance had always coursed through your veins, with everyone and everything, until you had met Ban. It had taken all of your willpower to conceal your feelings until this moment. Every moment you had spent by yourself was spent wondering if you truly loved him. No matter how much you hated it, every time you came to accept that you were. 

And now, all you could think about was consummating this moment with him. You wanted to engrave the yearning you had always felt into his mind, so deeply, so forcefully, that he wouldn’t be able to think of anyone else. 

Ban’s throaty chuckle was heavenly. “Don’t say things like that. You are the most interesting, undecipherable woman I’ve ever met.” 

“Why are you just telling me this now?” You stared up at him with heavy lidded eyes, skin tingling by his proximity alone. 

How could Ban convey the reasonings behind his actions? No one had ever understood his thought process. He hardly did, he would never be able to figure out why he hadn’t told you sooner. The easiest summarization he could think of was that he hadn’t realized his own feelings until it was almost too late. Once he glimpsed the terror in your eyes, when he felt your rejuvenating touch while he was on the verge of death-- was the moment it all made sense. He was fighting for you, instead of him alone. Ban had risked his life for you. 

When the spear plunged deep into his chest, knowing you were safe, tranquility had washed over him. “I had to give my all to make you mine.” The Fox Sin said with the utmost honesty. 

Indirectly referring to your own actions, Ban’s reasonings made complete sense. But now, that didn’t matter. How you came to finally become his was no longer a question now that your wish had come true. 

You loved him. Ban was the reason you were able to love again. 

“Give me the rest.” Your once limp hand balled his shirt into a fist, tugging him down and over you. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, all you could do was show him. You would give him your everything from this moment forward. 

“As you wish.” He smirked, trying to muster up the persona he had presented to you for months, yet his heart had softened, and his movements became tender. Ban wanted to fuck you until you could hardly stand, but this time he would be there to take care of you afterwards. He would wake up in the morning with you in his arms. 

When your lips finally pressed against his, all your previous worries, your fears, and your baggage melted with his touch. Nothing else seemed to matter. 

“I'm going to have you right here, right now. No buts.” He craned his neck down, attacking the sensitive, delicate skin of your neck within the next breath. 

Your head tossed back with a gasp, allowing him direct access to every inch. One arm looped around your waist, while the other took one sweep of the clutter across the wooden bar. Before you could process what was happening, he had swept you off your feet and onto the countertop. “I don’t care if they hear. I don’t care if we get caught.” 

With one swift movement, he gripped the hem of your pajama shirt and tore it in two. 

"Ban! please..." You whimpered as the cold air swirled across your normally covered parts, which were quickly devoured by the burning sensation of his mouth. Immediately you succumbed to the lust and couldn’t muster up a protest about the article of clothing he had just destroyed. 

Quickly, he tugged off your shorts, almost ripping off your panties as well. You gasped, sliding your hands all over his torso, wanting to feel every inch of him. It had been so long, way too long.

You slipped off his shirt before his hands grasped your hips and pulled your bum to the edge of the bar, your lower portion only remaining in place against his body. 

Anticipation was dripping between your thighs as Ban leaned fully over you, flattening your back against the glossed over countertop, kissing you deeper, his tongue swirling forcibly inside your mouth. He fought for dominance, trailing his hands slowly up and down your sides, grasping your skin with need every time a short gasp left your lips.

Begging for more, your legs snaked around his waist, bringing his manhood against your already exposed cunt. He groaned in response, his lips curling against your breasts as he peppered kisses around your hardening buds. 

Ban was never this attentive. He hardly paid attention to foreplay, and now that he finally decided to make it all about your pleasure, he was becoming addicted, knowing if you didn’t stop him he would be able to torture you all night. 

“Now, Ban.” You pleaded, bringing your hand to smooth through his hair, intertwining your fingers through his locks and forcing him to move his face towards your throbbing cunt. 

The Fox Sin removed his lips from your skin to catch his breath, a little surprised himself at how rough and desperate the two of you were acting. His eyes grazed your neck and chest, which were already blossoming red with love bites. 

Ban’s warm skin was burning against yours, hands grasping, jaw clenching, as he paused to take in the moment of you sprawled against the bar’s surface. Your hair fanned out over your shoulders, eyes glimmering with an emotion he would have never expected to be directed his way. "Ban..." You purred, propping yourself up on your elbows so you could watch him satisfy you. To tease the Fox Sin further, one of your hands reached up and began to thumb over your nipple, which was still wet with his saliva. You wanted him inside of you so badly, your thighs twitching with urgency. “Please take me.” 

"God...You're so sexy." He obeyed your command for the first time, swirling his tongue around your entrance until it was drenched with him. You moaned loudly at the sensation of his tongue swirling inside of you, lips sucking and puckering over your cilt, preparing you for his staggering length, a length that would have you begging on your knees within a moment's notice.  

You wanted to be the one to dominate, but the way he had you positioned left no room to protest. With hazy vision and flustered cheeks, all you could think about was him. Heaving out breaths of pleasure from his stimulating actions, you watched Ban slip his belt off, letting his pants fall to the ground and pool around his ankles. Wanting to keep you writhing for more, Ban spread your legs apart and stuck two fingers in, pumping them wildly, while staring deeply into your eyes.

He stroked his length with the other hand, undeniably turned on by the sight of you in such a mess, all for him. Ban could never get tired of the way you squirmed underneath him, begging for more.

"Don’t be too loud." The Fox Sin whispered. 

“I c-can’t promise that...The others might hear-” You tried to protest, until you felt his hands curling around your bum. 

“Shut up-” He demanded, pulling his fingers out and sticking them inside your mouth. Your back arched against the counter, wishing you could hold onto something for support. “You can’t ignore me all day and expect me not to punish you.” 

You nodded in reply as Ban took initiative and curled his hands around your bum until you were utterly submissive in his grip. 

You felt more delicate tonight, your senses heightened from the intensity of the previous battle. Your emotions were also swirling, Ban had been in danger before, and the thought of losing him had somehow shattered your heart to an extent you hadn’t expected to be possible. 

His large, calloused hands took hold of your hips next, steadying your entrance to align with his cock. 

“Be the good girl for me that you always are.” 

Squeezing your eyes shut in obedience, Ban hoisted your legs up farther and around his waist. With a snap of his hips, he was buried deep inside your pussy—only groans of ecstasy leaving his lips at the way your walls held onto him so tightly. 

You arched your back again in response, arms reaching out for something to grab onto, his cock sheathed deeply inside you, past the places his fingers couldn't reach. Just as you began to gasp from the pain of his size, Ban clamped his hand over your mouth and flattened your body against the counter. 

"Mph!" Your cries of pleasure only heard by the man who was causing them. He thrusted in and out quickly, light moans escaping his lips each time he pounded into you.

Your screams were muffled into his hands. "F-fuck... Ban...!" You latched onto him as his thrusts reached deeper, your body shaking from the power. All you could hear was the sound of his skin slapping against yours, remaining quiet, taking all of his strength as each thrust promised him unmatched ecstasy. 

Ban looped one of his arms around your torso and pulled you up towards him. Your lips met him in a kiss, one that was sloppy and rough, but one that sent a wave of burning passion down your spine. 

“I love you…” You whimpered with each gasp. “I love you Ban, only you can make me feel…” 

“I know.” The Fox Sin grunted, sliding you off the bar and into his arms alone. 

You gasped, your eyes squeezing shut from the intense amount of pressure. "Oh my god.." you lamented, grasping his shoulders for support. You sunk down on him until it was painful, until you were full with his twitching length.  

You were dripping, making it easy for Ban to thrust as softly as he could. He gripped your ass, cursing loudly as you bounced on top of his cock. You moaned his name over and over again, a stream of curses following as your body began to tremble on the verge of your inevitable orgasm. 

“That’s it.” Ban encouraged, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “Come all over me like you always want to.” 

His pace gradually gained speed, causing you to lose yourself completely. For support, your arms reached up to curl around his neck, one hand finding basis in his hair and the other digging into his shoulder blade. 

"Ban!" You whimpered loudly, on the verge of screaming out in pleasure, the motion and the length of his cock sheathed inside you becoming too much to handle in the helpless position. 

“I’m cumming…” You threw your head back, choking out the confession as your thighs twitched in response. 

"That’s it… you’re so fucking tight." Ban grunted through clenched teeth, sweat beginning to gather on his forehead from his erratic, yet rhythmic movements. Though you had become limp from your orgasm, he continued his pace, his thrusts became harder and faster, both of your moans mixing in with the others as Ban started to reach his high. "Say my name.." The baritone in his voice sent shivers down your spine.

"Ban!" You whined at the feeling of him so deep inside you, each plunge causing your entire body to bounce violently against him. Barely having time to recover from your last orgasm, you felt yourself climbing higher and higher, your walls tightening. "Ban...oh my god!!" You finally yelled, unable to control yourself from the quick pace, causing you to orgasm once again all over his cock.

“Yeah…Fuck yeah.” The fox sin whispered. “I’m gonna fill you up.” 

“Please…” You begged, somewhat terrified of the repercussions of letting him finally consummate your relationship. Ban had never released inside of you, but at this point, you were physically hurting for his seed. 

“I love you.” Ban moaned, thrusting into you one last time before following through with his promise. You felt his seed shoot through you, causing you to shudder. Your eyes met Ban’s, red eyes rolling back, relief engulfing his expression.

Breathing heavily, Ban set you back against the counter gently. Your legs shook as he slowly pulled his length out, warm liquid immediately dripping from your entrance. A few minutes passed in silence, the two of you reminiscing of the sinful acts that had just taken place.  

Neither of you had to outwardly admit that you had just participated in the best sex of your lives. 

“Sleep with me tonight.” You said, tiredness washing over you within seconds. Sex with Ban had always been quick and secretive. Now, you wanted to wake up next to him and not regret a single thing. You wanted his arms wrapped around you all night, the safest position you could ever hope for. 

Ban bent down and picked up your clothes from the ground. Handing them to you with a smile, he shook his head, managing to laugh. “I was going to whether you asked for it or not.” 

“Oh?” You tilted your head, snatching the garments away from him. The Fox Sin had genuinely smiled. You could only remember him doing so a handful of times, most of them masking an alternative motive. But this one was unmasked, truthful, and loving. 

Without another word between the two of you, Ban whisked you away in his arms and carried you into his bedroom. And from that night onwards, that's where you found yourself every night.

[nightshade-minho]

-Embers- (3)

Warnings: heartbreak, jealousy, anxiety, blood, injury, feelings of depression and extreme sadness, but dw it’s not all angsty! this fic has a lot of fluffy moments + this particular chapter is lowkey felix centric + the rest of skz finally make an appearance.

Wc: 8.5k

He shot awake, groaning.

It was too early.

Minho blinked, eyes desperately running over the familiar room as he slipped out of his dream further. His heart was pounding a mile a minute as he closed them again, desperately trying to forget what he’d just seen.

Nightmares like the one he had last night had been frequent before Jisu showed up in his life. Apparently, now they were back.

He sat up. It was still dark outside, the sun weak and just as tired as he was.

He was about to slide out of bed when a pale arm wrapped itself around his waist, pulling him back a little. He looked to the side, humming and pushing a strand of hair behind his sleepy fiancée’s ear. “Hm?”

“No, Min, stay…” She mumbled in her sleep, making him sigh as he took her hand, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it.

“I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.” He carefully freed himself from her grip, watching as she rolled to the other side, back facing him as she grumbled in her sleep.

Another sigh left his lips.

Minho carefully left the room, after pulling on his clothes hastily. Closing the door behind him softly, he started down the halls, knowing his dad's room was at the other end.

He’d asked to meet him in the morning, causing him to be anxious. What did he want to talk about?

The hallways were depressingly familiar. It felt like he’d been running down them just days ago, holding your hand and giggling at how slippery the floors were after the maids cleaned it.

There it was again. That ever present heartache that never seemed to truly go away. Pain, regret...he hated how much he missed his old life. Despised the way his heart longed for something, or someone he knew was no longer his.

He was deep in his thoughts, when he saw you.

You.

He swore his heart skipped several beats at the sight.

He really didn’t want to run into you first thing in the morning. To be honest, he was way too tired to put on a façade at the moment.

He watched you for a few seconds, wondering what to do. You were standing in front of the window, which was a little too high for you to comfortably look out of. Stood endearingly on your tiptoes, there was a coffee mug in one hand as you observed the sun rising.

He contemplated turning around. He wasn't ready for this, not right now.

Turning his head, he frantically searched the doors lining the hallway for his father’s. There.

Walking quickly, he padded in the opposite direction, pushing open the door and closing it behind him as quietly as possible.

Shit. This definitely wasn't his father's room. In fact, this particular room seemed a little too familiar for comfort. He was just about to turn and get the hell out of there- when he heard your voice.

"M-minho?"

Fuck.

Minho cursed himself, turning around slowly and facing you, avoiding your eyes. He tried his best to keep his face impassive. There was no way he was going to let his emotions show...years of repressing them had taught him well.

"I seem to have lost my way." He muttered, clearing his throat. He stared past you at the wall, determined not to make eye contact.

Eye contact was dangerous.

Minho had always loved your eyes, and had never missed an opportunity to stare into them. He remembered how much you’d squirm when he did that, how red your cheeks would get when he refused to break eye contact. He used to love making you a blushing mess under him.  

Mr. Yang used to call the eyes a ‘window to the soul’. Minho could see where he was coming from. Within your eyes, he could see every tiny emotion, every little thought flitting across your brain. Looking into them was the most intimate act of all to him.

He refused to look into your eyes now because he wasn't ready to see the pain that was inevitably there. He'd already caught a few glimpses of your vulnerable, heartbroken demeanor...and he detested the way the sight made him feel.

That’s your fault, Minho. The reason she looks like she’s lost everything. That’s on you.

Minho knew he wasn't ready- cause he didn’t even need to look at you. The mere thought of you was making his heart almost burst out of his chest. That’s how overwhelming and potent all these fucking feelings were.

But he had to stay cold. Just for a while longer, he reminded himself. The suffering only had to go on for a while longer.

"I was searching for my father." He added after a few seconds of silence.

You nodded, staring at the floor. "His room’s opposite to mine." you mumbled softly, realizing to your horror that tears were already pricking at your eyes.

No. You wouldn't cry. You couldn’t...god, it was so hard to hold them back.

Minho peeked up for a second, regretting it as soon as his eyes landed on you.

He'd never seen you look so tormented.

It was that exact expression you had on right now. The one that had haunted each and every one of his dreams last night...the one he’d caught a glimpse of when Jisu opened the door.

Fuck, he really had to get out of here. Minho knew he couldn't stay in this room for a minute longer, or he might do something that he'd regret.

"Thank you." he walked past you and into the hallway, staring straight ahead. As soon as he walked far enough, he let out the breath he'd been holding.

That was close.

***

You watched as Minho left, sighing and heading over to your wardrobe, desperately trying to ignore your beating heart. You had to focus.

Tomorrow, the first trial would begin. Soon enough, you and the other competitors would have to move to the outskirts near the forest, where you would be staying for the next week, training in preparation for it.

You’d already packed a few outfits as well as some trinkets, your lucky charms. Namely, your mother’s button, your favorite book and a dragon claw necklace Minho had gifted you. You’d hesitated before adding the last one, but had ultimately decided it was still important regardless of the state of your relationship with the person who'd given it to you.

You had to win this thing. Your father was pretty clear- you had to prove everyone wrong and subvert their opinions, or else the consequences would be terrifying. The stakes were high, and so was the amount of stress clogging you up.

It was up to you to restore honor to the Ember name. And in order to do that, you had to get over Minho- although you were pretty sure it would be the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do.

You breathed in deeply, shaking your head and turning around to look at your mirror, observing your reflection. This was it. This was your time, the moment you'd been waiting for. And you had to be ready for it.

So you pushed the despair as deep down as possible, deciding there was a bigger purpose to be fulfilled here. There was no way the pain would go away any time soon...but for now, suppressing it was the way to go.

You walked over to your wardrobe, pulling out thick pants and combat boots, choosing the most fiery red shirt in your closet. Pausing for a second, you stared at your bag before deciding to go get the dragon claw.

You tied it around your neck gently, letting it lie against your skin. Looking over your completed outfit in the mirror, you felt satisfaction coursing you at the reflection that greeted you.

There was a message you were hoping to get across today.

***

You moved across the hall to the dining room, stopping in front of the large doors. Taking in a deep breath, you grabbed the handle. This is it. You can do this.

You exhaled, pushing it open.

You’d never seen so many people in one room before...the table had never been so packed.

There were five participants from each village, and they were elementally varied. This meant that there were about twenty people at the table. Surprisingly, the chiefs and advisors weren’t in the room.

There were a few familiar faces, though. There was Minho, sat between Jisu and Changbin. The latter looked up, scoffing when he saw you before turning back to his food. You sighed. Changbin and you didn’t have much of a good relationship even before his family left your village to join Minho’s, so you hadn’t expected much else.

Looking away, a smile lit up your face when you noticed Mr. Yang’s son, Jeongin, sat next to the empty seat which was supposed to be yours. On the other side of your seat was Felix, who turned around when he noticed you coming. Seeing the two smiling boys made your heart just a little lighter, and you breathed in deeply as you went to take your seat. Maybe this wouldn’t be so nerve-wracking after all.

***

Minho glanced up when he saw you enter, prepared to look away immediately- he couldn’t have Jisu catching him stare- but paused when he saw the dragon claw around your neck. It was the one he’d given you all those years ago, the one he’d found near the lake. You still wear it?

You were smiling at the Terra heir as you sat next to him, turning to smile at Jeongin. Confusion flitted over his features for a second- you didn’t look like you were in pain anymore. In fact, your eyes were filled with joy as Jeongin muttered something that made you and Felix laugh.

“Babe?”

“Wha- huh? Oh-” Minho ripped his eyes away, looking at his fiancée’s suspicious expression.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why would you think it isn’t?”

Jisu frowned, sighing and nodding after a second as she turned back to her food.

Minho swallowed, playing with his fingers as he stared at his lap. He ignored the sounds of more laughter erupting from your side of the table, picking up his fork and stabbing the chicken forcefully.

The table was filled with chatter as the young adults dug into their food. He tried to tune out the noises around him, but it was difficult. Everyone was so intent on befriending each other, that basic etiquette was forgotten.

These friendships would be short lived, though. After today, everyone at this table would have to be enemies, competing in the most important championship to date. There would be no room for amity. Of course, alliances would be formed- but eventually those would be shattered as well, and it would be every person for themselves.

A survival of the fittest, if you will. That’s how it always worked around here...and truth be told, he didn’t see that changing any time soon.

***

You giggled as Jeongin regaled you with yet another joke, slapping his arm as you doubled over in laughter. Minho was forgotten as you laughed along, glad to be in their company.

“Dad hates the jokes I write.” He chuckled. “So I’m glad to see you enjoy them, at least.”

“I do!” You grinned, turning to look at Felix as he nodded. “I like them too. You really should become a comedian or something.”

“Dad says comedy isn’t a suitable career path for Aers.”

“Nonsense Jeongin, I’ll talk some sense into him.” You nodded in determination, making Jeongin chuckle.

“Please do. Sometimes I feel like he loves you more than me.” He shook his head, smiling.

“Well, I know for a fact he does.” You joke, making Jeongin pout teasingly. You made a mental note to visit Mr. Yang when you could, since you hadn’t seen him in a while. He was more of a father figure to you than your actual dad, really.

You sighed and stared at your plate at the thought of your father, spooning the porridge into your mouth as Jeongin turned to his other side, talking to a guy from your village who looked slightly familiar.

"Are you nervous or anything?"

You looked up at Felix. His smile was so…reassuring. It only served to make your heart feel warmer, and you found yourself leaning closer to hear his voice better.

"Kind of? Not that much. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

"Ah...so you're looking forward to the championships? Hm...I guess that's understandable."

You raised an eyebrow at his tone. "Is it not for you?"

"Well..." Felix sighed. "To be honest, both my dragon and I are pacifists. My true passion is gardening, and Flore likes helping me with that..." Felix shrugged. "I’m not really a fan of duels and battles. I'm only participating cause my parents need me to."

"Oh...that’s terrible. Hopefully this whole thing goes well, and you don’t have to participate in anything too grotesque."

"Yeah. I almost wish there were eliminations, it would allow for an easy escape. Just mess up a little, and boom." he chuckled.

You took another spoonful, giggling. "Ah, if only, hm?”

He smiled at you widely, and you returned it. His eyes were looking into yours, his gaze flitting down to your lips for a second.

"You have a bit of porridge there..." he used his thumb to swipe it off, licking it right after and winking at you.

You blushed, taking a napkin to clean your chin further as Felix let out a soft chuckle, tilting his head at you. Ah, he found you so adorable.

The two of you were completely oblivious to Minho's piercing glare from the opposite of the table.

A nudge to his side caused Minho to startle for the second time that morning, looking to the side at Jisu.

"Seriously, what's up with you today? You've been weird since we woke up." She mumbled, glancing over to look at what Minho had been glaring at. She frowned as she watched you and Felix talk, looking back at Minho.

"Nothing.” He insisted. "It's nothing. I'm just sleep deprived, and stressed about having to live in the wilderness, I guess. You know how much I like our comfy bed...although as long as I get to cuddle you, even the tent will be comfortable enough."

Jisu raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Okay, but-”

Suddenly, the big doors opened once more. Everyone at the table looked up as the four chiefs entered, followed by the guards. They all stood with your father in the front, and he cleared his throat, requesting some silence.

It took a few minutes for the chatter to finally clear, and your father stood up straighter as he nodded.

“Good morning. Are you all ready for the championships?”

There was boisterous cheering, fading away when your father raised a hand.

"Well, well...it seems like just yesterday all of you were children, getting matched with their dragons. But now, you’re all grown up, and thus have to go through the trials we all go through. To prove our worth. This is more than just a competition." He reminded firmly.

"It isn’t which village wins that’s important. No, this is a rite of passage for all of you. Prove yourselves to the world."

"We all went through these trials, once. However, they weren’t this dramatized, and definitely wasn’t a competition. However this year, the four villages decided to hold a championship and compete with each other, so as to strengthen bonds and give you all an incentive to improve. This is the first time in centuries that all four villages have convened like this! I know it feels crowded right now, but remember it’s all for your benefit.” Your father nodded. “I hope you all do well. Now, Chief Farran will provide you the information you need to know about the trials.”

Felix’s father moved forward, clearing his throat. “Right, as you all know, there will be three trials in total. The first one will take place tomorrow afternoon. You have until then to prepare. More information about the trial will be provided right before it starts. Now, all twenty of you will be moved to the woods right after this breakfast. All the villagers will be watching, so keep your heads high and carry yourselves with poise.”

There were a few whispers around, understandably nervous ones as well as more confident people who were ready to show themselves off.

You felt like you were stuck between the two, unable to make up your mind. Were the butterflies in your stomach brought on by nervousness or excitement? You weren’t exactly sure.

“Right, you can all get back to your meals, now. We’ll be back in about half an hour to begin the procession.”

Everyone bowed their heads respectfully, resuming their meals as you noticed your father shoot a knowing look at you as he left, glancing between you and Felix. You sighed to yourself, turning back to your plate and finishing off your porridge.

“Hey- Y/n.” You turned to the side, looking at Jeongin as you chewed what was in your mouth. “Hm?”

“We...we have an idea. We talked about this before you showed up…” Jeongin pointed to himself, Felix and the guy next to him. You squinted at him, realizing you’d seen him hanging out with Jeongin before. You were blanking on his name, though.

“Seungmin, tell her.” Ah, that was it.

The man looked at you, moving his seat forward a little to talk to you properly. “Um, it’s really not that big of a deal. Not a huge plan or anything. I was just thinking…” He looked across the table, and you followed his gaze to Minho and Jisu.

“With them being together, I’m pretty sure the participants from their villages will have formed an alliance. So, I think it would be prudent for you and Felix to do the same.”

“Ohh.” You looked at Felix, nodding. “Sure, that actually sounds like it would be good idea.” He grinned in agreement.

“Mhm, I would love to form an alliance with a pretty lady like you~” You blushed at his words as he held his hand out for you to shake.

“Done.”

“We’ll discuss strategies later, how’s that sound?”

“Great.” You felt like you were high in the clouds, one step closer to your goal.

For the remaining time, the four of you talked, swapping a few strategies and stories about your dragons. You hadn’t felt this light in ages, able to shed your worries for a while.

“And that’s how Flore helped me pl-”

The doors were opened again, so suddenly that a few people at the table were startled. Looking up, you realized the chiefs were back, this time with the advisors and wives, as well as a bunch of guards. There was a new man standing in front of them all though, and you recognized him as one of your old professors, Mr. Flint. To your knowledge, he was the one who masterminded the trials.

“Good morning, everyone! I hope you all are full and satisfied. We’re going to move through the village now, a procession of sorts. Don’t be daunted by the amount of people out there, walk elegantly. Your belongings will be given to you once you reach, so don’t worry about that.” He spoke in his high-pitched voice, an almost musical lilt to his tone.

Everyone started finishing up, a few maids entering the room to put away the plates. You caught a glimpse of Sylvia as she came in, giving her a smile.

The girl’s gaze seemed to be fixed on Felix’s face rather than yours, though. You raised an eyebrow, humming to yourself thoughtfully when your train of thought got interrupted by Flint.

“Is everyone ready? We must leave now. Follow me, please.”

The others got up, the room filling with noise once more as the guards ushered you to stand in two lines. You took your place behind Felix and in front of Jeongin.

You were ready for this. You’d never been more ready for anything in your life.

***

Minho swallowed as he followed the line, Jisu in front of him. He watched her ponytail swish side to side mindlessly, drifting back to what had happened this morning as he walked.

There were so many people on either sides of the procession, an abundance of cheering villagers who had left their homes to watch. There was virtually no space between the people, packed together like sardines as they eagerly ran their eyes over the rows of competitors.

It was the perfect opportunity for everyone to size up the participants. Despite being illegal, he knew there would be quite a few people betting on the outcome, hoping to make a quick buck.

‘Minho, you know what you have to do.’

He remembered his father’s words, biting his lip and groaning internally. He didn’t want to obey him, but he had to. He didn’t have any other choice.

He felt like he was thrashing in deep, black water...drowning without any hope of survival. He didn’t know what awaited him within the void, once he inevitably sunk. He felt blind, helpless.

Knowing you were close by only made him feel worse, your presence confusing him even more. Sighing, Minho plunged deeper into his thoughts, the cheering becoming a dull noise in the background as he walked almost mechanically.

That is...until the booing started.

He snapped out of it, looking up in confusion with widened eyes. He looked around, noticing everyone else’s expression mirroring his. Why was there a sudden shift from cheering?

Among them, you were looking around in bewilderment as well. Your eyes finally spotted the people who were booing...and that’s when you realized they were looking right at you.

These people were angry at you.

You frowned as you began to see more and more of those people. There were only a few, but they were loud, holding banners and waving them as they glared.

Your heart dropped as you saw what was written on the banners. "Stick to tradition!" one said. Another said "Ember has crumbled." Yet another one claimed that the championships were showing favoritism to a chief’s daughter.

Most people were cheering...yet your heart still ached at the sight. Yes, your dad had warned you that not everyone would be on board with such an arrangement...it still hurt, though. You already felt unwanted enough.

No. Stay strong. You would prove them wrong...you would show them the bond you and Aeracus shared. Both you and him deserved to be a part of this.

The booing died down as you moved onto a new stretch, filled with more cheering villagers. Felix gave you a sympathetic look, slowing down a little so that he could whisper to you. “Ignore them.” He mumbled. You nodded, blinking hard and trying to stay tough.

A few minutes later, you noticed a little girl on the side, smiling at you, holding up a drawing made up of scribbles. You squinted, recognizing it was you from the hair color and little fire doodles.

Your heart melted at the sight, and you felt a lot better as you blew a kiss to the girl, giggling. There were a lot of people smiling at you in this part of town. You felt relieved, thankful that it was only a small pocket of villagers hating you. The smiles of the people around you lifted your spirits, and you sighed in relief.

The rest of the walk passed relatively quickly. The villagers and houses started thinning out, and soon enough you’d reached the outskirts, the forest in the distance. The campground was already ready, and half the tents were up.

It was so much quieter out here. There weren’t many people living here except for the stable workers, whose cottages were littered on the vast expanse of grass right outside the forest.

Of course, this was home to some very important creatures as well. Deeper into the forest was a large clearing, where the dragon stables were located. Of course, Aeracus was in a different stable further into the woods, along with your father’s dragon. You imagined that he would have company now, what with the other chiefs and their children bringing their dragons as well.

Flint turned around abruptly, coming to a stop and facing everyone, along with the four chiefs.

“This is where you’ll be staying for the next few days. You will train, eat and sleep here. Tomorrow morning there will be a small training session, hosted by yours truly. I will also explain the rules of the first trial at said session.”

Someone raised their hand. It was Changbin.

“Sir, could you give us a hint for the trial? What will be involved?”

Flint shook his head firmly. “All will be explained later. For now, just focus on the people around you.”

Changbin glared, his hand dropping as he grumbled to himself.

“Now, if no one else has any questions…” He paused, raising an eyebrow. After a few seconds of silence, he hummed, clasping his hands together. “We will be taking our leave now. Sirs?”

They left, your father shooting a meaningful look at you once more. You sighed, turning away. The lines disintegrated, everyone milling about and forming little groups almost immediately. Felix came up behind you, his voice extremely close to your ear as you swivelled to face him.

“I love camping.” He said, his hands in his pockets as he looked around, taking in the greenery. “Probably my favorite part out of all this. Hey, let’s go check out our tent?”

“Our tent?”

“Yeah…” Felix turned slightly pink, scratching the back of his neck. “There are two bigger tents, for the heirs. I believe it’s supposed to be Minho and I staying in one and you and Jisu in the other…” He glanced over at Minho and Jisu, his arm wrapped around her waist as they chatted to Changbin and two other men.

“...However, I have a feeling those two wouldn’t appreciate being separated.”

You shrugged. Well, he had a point. And...why not? After all, the tent was big enough for the two of you. It wasn’t scandalous, by any means.

“Sure.” You glanced at the stable workers pitching the heirs’ tents, humming to yourself.

Felix chuckled, nodding. “Hm...so what do you want to do while we wait?”

You thought for a second. You had an idea, but you weren’t so sure about it. 

Fuck it. “Maybe...hm. There’s a lake nearby. Do you want to go there? It’s very pretty, a quiet place to talk. As a Terra, I think you would love it.”

“A lake? Sounds interesting, sure!” Felix sounded eager. You beamed as you took his wrist, leading him off.

Minho watched from the distance as you led Felix in the direction towards a lake he knew all too well. He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

How could you take him to your special place? The thought of you bringing someone else into the space that belonged only to him and you made him burn with anger.

He scrunched his eyes shut, groaning. “Get it together, Minho.” He mumbled to himself intently. Should he slap himself? Would that help? Or maybe he should dunk his head in ice-cold water-

“Minho, I’m worried.”

He blinked, tilting his head at Jisu as he looked back at her. 

“Worried? Why, princess?”

She shook her head, not replying as she stared at the ground. She looked saddened. He cursed himself, pressing his lips together. “Jisu…”

He gently grabbed her arms and pulled her in, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Don’t be worried about me, okay?” He swallowed. “I’m perfectly fine, here by your side…” He breathed in.

“I don’t need anyone else.”

***

You swept apart the vines with your hands. Here you were. Excitement filled you as you pulled Felix in, waiting to see his reaction.

“Behold!” You waved your arms dramatically, giggling.

“Wow…” Felix’s mouth turned into a small O, his eyes running over the hidden lake in front of him. He’d never seen anything like it.

“It’s so beautiful, oh my god-” He ran his eyes over the crystal clear lake. It looked almost like glass, almost like he could walk on it if he tried. Hyacinths, water lilies and lotuses were dotted in and around it. The little clearing was closed off from the rest of the forest, large vines and sweeping willows hiding it from view...it was ethereal.

You grinned at his reaction. “It is, isn’t it? I...I spent a lot of time here when I was younger.” You said, going over and sitting down in front of it. You ran your hands over the slightly damp grass, sighing. “It’s been a while. I haven’t come here in ages.”

He sat next to you after a few more minutes admiring the sight in front of him. “Why?” He asked curiously, looking at the lake. He took a stone from his side and threw it in, watching as it sent ripples through the deep turquoise waters.

“Hm.” You changed the subject, not wanting to delve into that just yet. “What do you think tomorrow’s trial will be testing?”

“Ah, I don’t have a clue. The fact that we’ll barely get a day to prepare makes me all the more nervous.” He mumbled, putting his chin in his palm. The lake-side air was fragrant, and served to clear his head.

“I understand...but don’t be too scared, okay? You’ll have a lot of people behind your back. The alliance was a wonderful idea...” You mused, watching as a butterfly perched on Felix’s outstretched finger.

“You’re like some sort of fairytale princess.” You giggled, noticing a tiny bluebird flying closer.

“Animals love me, although it does go both ways.” He laughed. “It’s one of the side effects of being a Terra, I guess.”

“Ah. Being an Ember just means half your own people are scared of you.” You smiled wryly, inhaling as you lay back. Felix watched as you did so, looking conflicted as he wondered what to tell you. After all, there was no point in comforting you when what you’d said was true.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” You interrupted his thoughts, stretching slightly as your eyes fluttered closed. He watched you, smiling as he moved a little closer.

“Use my lap as a pillow.” He said softly, and you obliged. Tired, you felt yourself fall asleep, despite trying not to. Everything just felt so...comfortable. 

Felix tentatively reached down, stroking your hair as carefully as he could.

A few minutes later you were napping soundly, lightly snoring as you nuzzled into him. He felt something inexplicable clutch his heart at the sight of you, scrunching your nose up cutely in your sleep.

Breathing softly, he pulled you closer into his arms, leaning back as he started to feel sleepy himself. It was just so calm, so quiet in that little clearing...and somehow, your presence just made him feel all the more relaxed. 

The heady scent hovering around him made him feel more drowsy. It was probably due to the flowers that were in abundance around him...but he knew part of it was your scent.

Sighing softly, he pressed you closer, inhaling your perfume as he fell asleep.

***

You woke up, blinking sleepily as you observed your surroundings. Somehow, you were back in your tent, huddled up in bed. Someone must have put you here...

Felix. You remembered falling asleep next to him at the lake. Your cheeks flushed at the thought of him caring enough to carry you here without disturbing your sleep.

You slid out of bed slowly, heading to your bag. Humming to yourself, you started unpacking as you looked around. You didn’t want to waste any more time asleep.

It was a beige tent, with a few lanterns lighting it in a warm glow. It looked cozy, spacious and so...romantic. You tried not to think about how Jisu and Minho were currently using a tent much like this one. God knows what they were doing.

As you finished arranging your items, you heard the cloth being moved aside as Felix stepped in, coming up behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you beamed at him.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked, coming closer to you and ruffling your hair. You nodded, feeling a sudden urge to hug him out of nowhere. You remembered how warm and soft he’d felt earlier today...you wanted to feel those arms around you once more.

Controlling yourself, you clasped your hands together as he gently took your hand.

“There’s a bonfire outside, everyone’s sitting around it and getting to know each other better. Come with me?”

Hm. As tempting as that sounded, you reminded yourself that you had a huge day tomorrow. You had to rest up for the big event and preserve as much energy as possible. That is, if you wanted to do this right.

Besides...there was another reason.

You sighed. "Oh. Um, I don't know. You can go on without me, I'll be fine."

Felix sighed, tilting his head. "Pleaaase? It's boring without you."

You raised an eyebrow. "What about Jeongin and Seungmin? And your other friends from your village..."

Felix chuckled. "They want you there too. Please, Y/n?"

The way he was pouting at you made you almost want to give in, but then your brain decided to show you a nasty image of Jisu kissing Minho by the fire, and once again you were determined to stay in your tent.

"I’m sorry, Felix, but....I just don't think I belong there. I don’t know many people…”

“You know me, Jeongin and Seungmin!” He pointed out, throwing your reasoning right back at you.

You groaned. Fuck, there was no avoiding it. You were going to have to tell him the truth.

"Well.” You picked at the fluff of your pillow as you sat down on the edge of your bed. “It’s actually because..." you took in a deep breath, as he looked at you in concern. 

"The Aer heir and the Aqua heiress..."

Felix hummed, nodding. He’d kind of figured it was somehow related to them, considering the way he'd seen you staring at them all dejected.

"Well...it just- I don't know, I can't watch it. You can call me jealous, and you’d be absolutely right. Tears come to my eyes every time I see them, I feel weak and pathetic." You mumble, tugging at your fingers. "And weak is the opposite of what I want to feel right now. I need to feel strong for tomorrow. I can't be thinking about him."

Felix sighed, watching as your bottom lip quivered. He’d heard tales about Minho and you, but the rumors were now confirmed.

"Look...you deserve better."

"Do I?" You didn't know. After all, Minho couldn't be blamed for hating you. You just wished he'd trusted you enough to know better. To know you wouldn’t betray him like that, that you wouldn’t let go without a fight. You'd done everything you could.

"Y/n...please come? I'm here for you. We don't even have to look at them, or even acknowledge his existence." He placed his hand on top of yours. You swallowed, shrugging after a few minutes of thought.

"Ugh. You know what, fine!" You agreed. It would be fine...like Felix said, all you had to do was ignore them.

“Also, if your problem is not knowing enough people...I’ll introduce you to the others from my village as well. How does that sound?”

You sniffed, smiling through your wet eyes as you rubbed them. “Okay…I’d love that.”

“Great.” He grinned and took your hand, lifting you up and leading you out of the tent.

The sky was dark by now, but the light from the tents lit up the landscape. The two of you descended into the space where all the smaller tents were located, and Felix dragged you over to the nearest one.

He pushed aside the curtain, letting you go in first and following.

"This is Chan and Jisung!" Felix introduced, gesturing to the two men sitting on the bed, who looked up as you entered. They had warm smiles on their faces as they turned to you, their faces filled with interest.

“Who do we have here?” Chan asked. His smile was kind, his aura welcoming as he sat up. The man next to him looked a lot more chaotic- his grin was wider, and although he was slimmer, his presence felt larger than life. 

"This is Y/n, don’t pretend you don’t know.” Felix smirked. “Chan's an Aqua, and Jisung's an Ember, like you." He explained, letting go of you as he introduced the two.

Jisung grinned as he stuck his hand out for you to shake. "So you're the Ember heiress. I've heard about you."

"Good things, I hope." You joked as you shook his hand.

He shrugs. "Well...most of them are. There are rumors, but those exist about everyone. In fact-"

"Anyway." Felix cleared his throat. “These two are my closest friends.” He shot a look at Jisung, begging him to behave. “They're also a part of our alliance. I th-"

It was his turn to be interrupted as the curtain was suddenly swished to the side, Jeongin grinning at you. "Hey guys, the campfire's started! Come quick, or you’ll have to sit on the grass."

Chan stood up quickly, followed by Jisung. "Oh, good! I'm starving. See you, Lixie. Y/n, it was nice meeting you! Let’s go eat, now." His stomach growled and he let out a small, apologetic laugh as Jisung snickered. “Let’s just leave.”

They left the tent, offering you smiles before leaving you and Felix alone.

"Hey..." He placed his hands on your shoulders, noticing your nervous expression. "It'll be alright."

You looked back at Felix, breathing in and nodding. Yes, it's gonna be fine...right?

Felix gazed at you, pressing his lips together as he observed your expression morph into one that was calmer. His heart pounded faster at the sight.

His gaze flitted down to your lips for a second. Hm. He inhaled before leaning in just a little, making your heart beat faster. 

Was this happening?

You found yourself staying in place as he did so, almost wanting to lean in just a little more and close the distance between your-

"Why are you guys taking so damn long-" Jeongin appeared from behind the curtain again, Felix pulling away quickly at the sound of his voice.

"Um...did I interrupt anything?" He frowned, looking at the two of you in confusion.  

"Um, no! You d-didn't". You glanced at a very red Felix, taking your hand in his in a stroke of bravery. His palms were warm, soft...and you felt your heart flutter just the tiniest bit as he squeezed your hand.

"Let’s go."

As you walked out, you realized just how majestic the bonfire really was. It was close by, near the mass of tents. 

The flames rose high in the air, sending plumes of smoke up into the atmosphere. You noticed Changbin kneeling near it, his hand hovering over red scales. Ah, he was probably using the extracted dragon scales to make the fire more powerful.

There were smaller tents littered around the fire, and for a second you wished you were in one of them instead. Especially after what had happened in the morning, you somehow didn’t want to be known as a chief’s daughter anymore.

You and Felix went to sit down on the bench next to Chan, internally sighing as you realized Jisu and Minho were sat right across from you. 

To make things worse, she was sitting right on his lap. You felt nauseous all over again...but then it all disappeared, as you felt Felix's fingers wrap around yours once more. Looking up, you blushed slightly, his expression making something in you twist.

"We should play a game!" Jisu announced loudly, bouncing on Minho's lap a little and making him grip her hips to stay in place. She giggled as he did so, looking right at you and smirking.

Whatever. For some reason, right now you found yourself not caring as much as you did before.

"Mhm, great idea, babe." Minho mumbled, looking at you and Felix uncomfortably. Why were the two of you sitting so close to each other? Why the fuck was he holding your hand? He frowned, internally panicking for a second when your eyes suddenly met his.

Fuck- no way he could let you think he'd been staring. Minho quickly averted his eyes, placing his lips on Jisu’s neck and kissing gently. He glanced up momentarily to see if you were still watching. You were.

He decided to up the ante a little bit- he started sucking on the skin, making Jisu jolt in surprise. "M-min..."

"Hey lovebirds, you know there are other people here right?" Jisung shouted out, causing everyone else to laugh.

"Like, get a room." He sniggered.

Yes. You liked Jisung.

A red flush spread across Minho's cheeks, but he just shrugged, burying his nose in her neck and staying like that.

"A-anyway..." she continued, clearing her throat. "I was thinking of a kind of game where we spin something, and the person it points to has to answer a question truthfully?"

Ah yes, you'd heard of this game. Somehow, a bad feeling had already started to settle in your gut, just after listening to her explain the premise of the game.

There were a chorus of nods and agreements. After all, it didn't really matter what the game was. All everyone wanted to do was drink and horse around, before tomorrow when they would inevitably have to be more serious. Jisu nodded at the responses, turning to her side. "Jinnie, can you pass me that?"

A tall, blonde man next to her nodded, passing her the bottle. He was strikingly handsome and also definitely from her village. An Aqua too...he was dressed almost as luxuriously as she was, making you think he was probably the son of one of the advisors.

"Let's start.” Bending over a little, she placed the bottle on the ground, spinning it.

It landed on Seungmin.

“Right…” She placed a hand on her chin, ignoring the way Minho’s hands had tensed slightly.

“What was your most embarrassing moment?” Jisu asked finally, looking at the man expectantly.

“Well...probably that one time I proposed to a dude I barely knew. It was a bet, but still kinda embarrassing. After all, he didn’t know that.” He chuckled, looking pointedly at Minho.

Minho’s eyes widened in recognition. Oh. So that’s why he looked so familiar. Well, he'd badly misread that situation.

“Interesting.” There were a few scattered laughs as the bottle was taken by Changbin, who spun the bottle and landed on a girl from Felix’s village.

The game continued like that, a lot of secrets being revealed, stories of various kinds being told. It was actually quite fun, and having Felix hold your hand did make you a lot more comfortable. You were able to laugh along with everyone else, the mirth in the atmosphere contagious.

That is, until the bottle finally passed into Jisu’s hands once more. You felt a sense of unease return, gripping at you.

She spun it, and you all watched as the bottle turned round and round...finally landing on you.

She sat up, her eyes lighting up as she noticed who it landed on. Rubbing her hands together, she screwed her face up in thought as she prepared a question in her head. There was an unsettling smirk on her face. 

“Hmm...I have a good question for you.” She paused for a second, staring deep into your eyes and making your stomach churn. Something was about to go wrong. You just couldn’t tell what.

“Here it is. Your dragon and your best friend are both in danger. Who do you save?” She asked nonchalantly.

No...

Your eyes bulged out of your head as the words left her mouth, and so did Minho’s. Confused, the others looked at your expressions, shifting uncomfortably as realization dawned on some of them. The rumors had been widespread when it had happened, and you remembered just how horrified you'd felt then.

Terror, icy and unforgiving, was beginning to pierce into your heart. You had to divert the situation before it could go anywhere too unpleasant.

“C-can I have another question?” You mumbled, staring at the ground, ignoring the concerned looks of your new friends.

“No." She pursed her lips  "Why are you scared to answer the question, Y/n?” She grinned widely, ignoring Minho’s sharp warning squeeze. He was starting to feel the dread overcome him as well, and his mind was screaming at him to stop this. But...he just couldn't. He felt so numb.

“I’m...not scared-”

“But that’s exactly what you are. Scared. A fucking coward, isn’t that right? I know you’d-”

“Stop.” You said in a small voice, pulling your hands away from Felix’s and curling them into fists.

“No. Everyone deserves to know.” She was starting to get worked up. “It’s all your fault, everything is. And I want the whole world to-”

“That’s enough!” Minho shouted firmly, moving Jisu off his lap and glaring at her. He'd let it go too far, and he realized that fact in horror. Fuck, why didn't he react earlier? He felt that familiar sinking feeling from before hit him, slamming into him like a hammer.

She shut up immediately, still glaring at you. Minho looked up shakily to see your eyes filled with angry tears, staring right at him as you stood up.

His heart pounding, his voice quivered as he stood up as well, taking a step towards you. “Y/n, please-”

“No.” You held a hand up, bottom lip quivering. “I don’t want to hear it.” You put your head in your hands,  breathing in and out. Calm down, it’s ok-

But it wasn't, was it?

“You’re pathetic.” Jisu hissed. “It’s your fault your dragon’s dead, not M-”

“For the love of god, shut up!” Minho shouted at his fiancée, turning back to you as you shook your head. He felt himself starting to shake uncontrollably at the sight of you, looking absolutely betrayed as you stared at the ground.

“I- I have to...can’t do this..” You muttered, the tears flowing as you turned around, walking away as quickly as you could.

“Y/n, wait-” You heard Felix’s saddened voice calling after you. You ignored it. You could feel all their eyes burning into your back. You just couldn't stay here for a second longer.

You broke into a sprint, running and running as more tears spilled. You ran past the tents, into the forest, as fast as you could. Ran between the trees, your mind all over the place.

Everything was dark. So dark, you could barely see what was in front of you. But you ran anyway, desperately in the direction of the one being who could possibly comfort you right now. 

Somehow, it had also started to rain. A slow drizzle at first...but then the heavens opened up, drenching you.  As if you needed further reminders that the universe hated you.

When you finally reached the clearing housing the stables, you placed your hands on your knees, your chest heaving as you tried to regain your composure.

Calming down just a little bit, you swung open the door and walked into the large stable. Unlike before when there had been only Aeracus and your father’s dragon, now there were more, belonging to the chiefs and the heirs. They were all asleep currently.

The other dragons seemed normal enough, colorful and adorned with finery...except Minho’s and his father’s. You felt that familiar uneasiness fill you when you looked at the sleeping ebony creatures. They just didn't look natural, and definitely didn't look like Aer dragons.

You moved to the very end, rubbing at your eyes as you tried to make sense of what had just transpired. You couldn’t believe any of it.

So that’s what Minho assumed happened. How could he?

Your heart throbbed as you were taken back to that terrible, fateful night. The sheer trepidation and anxiety that had filled you, the overwhelming agony you'd gone through.

Closing your eyes, you inhaled. Stop. Don't take yourself back there, it's not worth it.

Looking up, you let yourself smile sadly as your eyes landed on Aeracus, fast asleep in his stall. You wanted to talk to him...but couldn’t risk waking him up from his slumber. Sighing, you sunk down to the ground instead, resting yourself against a bale of hay.

Bringing your knees up to your chest, you cried into your arms, wishing you could just disappear. Everything was just too much for you to process.

At the moment, you weren't exactly clear on what your goals were anymore. All you knew was you felt embarrassed, hurt and petrified.

Tired, too. Your limbs ached from the run, perspiration dripping from your forehead. There wasn't much else you could do but try to sleep. And so you closed your eyes, trying to clear all the thoughts away.

You were just about slipping into dreamland when suddenly, there was a loud, urgent knock on the door. Your eyes widened in shock, lifting your face from your knees as you stared at the door of the stable.

Who could it possibly be?

You sat up slightly, confused. Rubbing your eyes, you stood up shakily. Was it Felix, finally come to get you? Or Jeongin, perhaps?

Who in their right mind would venture out to you when the downpour was this heavy? You took in an anxious breath, slowly lifting yourself up.

As the knocking continued, you stood up and walked over hastily, deciding to open the door before it could get any louder and cause the dragons to wake.

Your hand closed around the handle, your heart slamming against your ribcage in fear, reminiscent of the raindrops falling against the stable walls.

Finally, you pulled the door open.

Your eyes widened as you stared at the last person you’d expected to see.

There he was, in front of you. His heavy, dazed eyes wildly searched your shocked ones as he tried to move forward. He was out of breath, soaked, distressed and...wounded?

"Minho, you-" Before you could say much more, Minho's eyes shut as he collapsed into your arms.

That was when you properly noticed the blood seeping through his shirt, staining the fabric a deep red. What the fuck-

Minho blinked up at your aghast face, wincing and swallowing as he clutched onto your shirt tightly. "Y-Y/n...please…” He begged, trying to suck in a breath, desperately failing.

“Help.”

[xutokawa]

↬ dance with me | pt. 2

pairing: k.bokuto x fem!reader

genre(s): soulmate!au, soul-crushing angst, some fluff, childhood best friends to lovers

warnings: langauge

wc: 2k

» series masterlist

✧ updates every 1-3 days

a/n: heartbreak ahead!! you have been warned!!

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༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The world slowly shifted into focus as your bleary eyes adjusted to the familiar setting of your room. In all honesty, you didn’t want to get up. The thought of going to the bathroom to search every inch of your body just to confirm Bokuto would never be yours pained you. Rubbing your eyes, you slowly sat up until your eyes locked onto your wrist. 

Confusion clouded your mind as you stared at the thick lines. The two black lines stared back at you. Was this a cruel joke? The two lines were situated in the same spot Bokuto’s were, except you were one line off from matching his. You scoffed as tears welled up in your eyes. 

One line off from being soulmates, huh?

You cursed at the universe for dangling your happiness in front of your face. Tears began streaming down your face as your bedroom door opened, revealing your mother. Her smile immediately fell into a worried look as she took in your state, rushing to your side to cradle you in her arms. You wordlessly showed her your wrist, and she immediately understood. She knew Bokuto’s soulmate mark as he was practically a son to her, but she also knew of your feelings for the owl-haired man. 

“I hate it,” you choked out, “out of all the soulmate marks I could’ve gotten, it had to be one just short of matching his.”

Meeting face to face with Bokuto seemed like the worst possible decision. You attempted to leave for school early, hoping to avoid him on the way and hiding in the library until classes started. That plan went down the drain, however, when you opened your front door to come face to face with Bokuto’s beaming face.

“Happy birthday, y/n!” 

You couldn’t stand it, seeing his blinding smile. Your heart yearned for nothing more than to run into his arms, engulfed by his scent, but the burning on your wrist remained a reminder of what could never be yours. Mustering up the happiest smile you could, you beamed back at him, pushing your tears back, hoping he wouldn’t notice your red eyes. Unfortunately for you, Bokuto’s eyes immediately shifted into concern as he took in your puffy, red eyes. 

“What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” 

Mind reeling into panic, you quickly looked away. There’s no way you could tell him you had been crying about your soulmate mark, so you came up with the quickest lie you could think of.

“I didn’t get a soulmate mark,” you whispered, looking down at your shoes. 

The hug you had been yearning for earlier finally came. Familiar, strong arms tightly wrapped around your body as the wing spiker attempted to console you. You couldn’t help but give in to the tears, the situation being too much to bear. 

“Shh, it’s okay! I’ve heard stories of soulmate marks appearing a little late! Maybe yours will appear tomorrow!” Bokuto tried to comfort you.

Sniffling, you pushed him away to look up at him. His large hands came up to wipe the tears from your cheek. 

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” you offered a small smile. Dread started pooling in your stomach as you realized you had to hide your soulmate mark from Bokuto, unconsciously pulling down the sleeves of your sweater past your fingers. 

Attempting to lighten the situation, Bokuto held out the poorly wrapped gift he presented earlier, “Here’s your long awaited birthday gift!”

You reached out to grab it before the owl-haired boy held it above his head, just out of your reach.

“Nuh uh, I promised Akaashi we would give your birthday gifts together,” Bokuto said with a teasing smirk on his face. Rolling your eyes, you laughed at his ridiculousness as you pushed past him, beginning your trek to school. You walked for a while before turning around calling out to Bokuto. He hadn’t moved from his spot, seemingly deep in thought before you called out to him.

“Hey, owl boy! Hurry up! I want to open my presents!”

Turning around with a grin, he ran after you before falling in step next to you.

  ༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The two of you met up with Akaashi at the school gates. The setter immediately pulled you into a hug, wishing you a happy birthday.

“Thanks, Akaashi,” you smiled at him. The three of you sat at a table in the courtyard. The two boys placed their presents in front of you, and you giggled at the noticeable difference in the wrapping. Akaashi��s present had been neatly placed in a gift bag, tissue paper emerging from the top of the bag. Bokuto’s on the other hand, looked like he crumpled wrapping paper around the object, wrapping tape around the entire present in a spiral. You reached for Akaashi’s gift before Bokuto suddenly shot up.

“Oh, shoot! I forgot coach wanted me to see him before school!” 

The wing spiker hurriedly started for the gym, calling out behind him, “don’t open your gifts yet, y/n! I’ll be right back!”

Both you and Akaashi chuckled at his forgetfulness before you yelled out, “Okay! You better hurry! No promises!”

Once Bokuto was out of earshot, Akaashi turned to you.

“Did something happen between you two?”

You looked up at him in confusion, “What do you mean? Nothing happened.”

“Your eyes are red and Bokuto doesn’t seem as energetic.” The later part of the sentence shocked you. Was Bokuto not as cheerful as he usually was?

“I may have cried this morning,” you sighed as you looked down. Wordlessly, you pulled up your sleeve and showed him your wrist. Akaashi’s eyes widened. He had long known about your feelings for the wing spiker.  

“Why did you cry? Doesn’t this mean you’re soulmates?” Akaashi looked at you with wide eyes, “Why haven’t you told him?”

“Akaashi, are you blind? They’re not the same! It’s so fucking shitty that it’s so close to matching! All it does is taunt me,” you cried out in frustration.

“Y/n, are you serious? I thought you would’ve known this,” Akaashi looked at you puzzled, “yours does match with his!”

You looked at him with a confused gaze, “Stop messing with me, Akaashi. This isn’t funny.”

“Y/n, your soulmate mark completes Bokuto’s.”

Your eyes widened in shock as you froze. Heart hammering, your mind swirled in confusion. How had you not thought of this? Your friend’s soulmate mark worked the same way. The red semi-circle on her pinky finger was completed by her soulmate’s to create a full circle. 

Imagining Bokuto’s soulmate mark, you realized Akaashi was right. The two thick lines on your wrist would perfectly fit between the three on Bokuto’s wrist, forming a black square. 

“Wh-what do I do? I panicked this morning and told him my soulmate mark didn’t show!”

Akaashi let out a sound of surprise, “Really? You panicked so you told him you didn’t have one?”

Sheepishly, you scratched the top of your head as you avoided the setter’s gaze.

“I guess you’ll just have to tell him the truth later,” Akaashi sighed out, “you can’t lie to him about something as important as a soulmate mark.”

You quickly pulled your sleeve back down at the sight of Bokuto jogging back to where you and Akaashi were seated.

“I’m back! Hurry and open your presents,” Bokuto huffed out, unaware of the conversation you and Akaashi had. Staring at him in amazement, you couldn’t wrap your head around him being your soulmate. Unexplainable happiness bubbled in your stomach as a wide smile stretched across your face. Heart soaring, you couldn’t help but throw your arms around Bokuto’s neck. The spiker tensed under your touch, but easily melted into the hug, wrapping his arms around you.

He was yours. Your soulmate.

“What’s this for?” You felt the rumble of Bokuto’s chest as he chuckled.

Pulling back, you stared into his honey eyes. 

“Just because,” you smiled at him. 

“Can you just hurry and open our presents,” Akaashi groaned, rolling his eyes, “class is going to start soon.”

“Okay, okay, I am,” you chuckled as you reached for Akaashi’s present.

Pulling out the tissue paper, you peered into the gift bag, pulling out a gray hoodie. You squealed in excitement as you unfolded the sweatshirt. 

“Akaashi! I can’t believe you got this!”

You had been eyeing the sweater for a while, never pulling the trigger on purchasing it because of the price tag. It was a simple gray sweater with white hearts embroidered above the cuffs. You adored the simplicity of the design.

“Now I don’t have to hear you complain about buying it anymore,” the setter chuckled. 

You wrapped your arms around him with a quick thanks.

“Okay, now open mine!” Bokuto bounced his knees in excitement. 

Pulling the wrapping paper off of his present, you inwardly blushed at the fact that this would be his first gift for you as a soulmate. After struggling through the layer of tape, you finally tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a velvet box. Heart hammering in your chest, you slowly opened the box to reveal a gold necklace. Dangling in the middle was a small diamond shaped pendant. 

“It’s beautiful, Bokuto,” You beamed at him. A relaxed smile spread across his face.

“Thank goodness you like it, I knew you liked simple stuff but I didn’t know if this was too simple,” Bokuto said as he took the box from your hands, “Let me help you.”

Heat rised to your cheeks as you felt Bokuto’s finger brush across the back of your neck, sending tingles down your back. Your hand reached up to hold the pendant as you turned around, smiling at the wing spiker.

“Thank you,” you said, looking into his eyes. Akaashi was right. Undecipherable emotions filled his eyes as he stared back at you. 

Akaashi pulled you out of your thoughts, standing up. 

“Alright, I’m going to head to class,” he said, swinging his bag over his shoulder. Quickly gathering your things, you stand up, waving to him.

“See you at lunch!” you said, starting in the opposite direction, “you coming, Bo?”

Jumping as if he was shocked, Bokuto looked back at you from where he was seated.

“It’s alright, I’ll catch up with you later!”

Shrugging, you brushed it off, replying, “Alright, I’ll see you after class!”

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Sitting through your first class was torture. Your mind ran through a million ways to tell Bokuto about your soulmate mark, before settling on just telling him the entire truth. Coming clean about your previous feelings and explaining everything that happened this morning seemed like the best option. 

As soon as the bell rang, you rushed to find Bokuto in the hallways, finding him almost immediately. 

“Bo! I have to tell you something,” you called out as you walked towards him. 

“That’s perfect! I have something to tell you too,” Bokuto said, pulling you away from the crowded hallways. The two of you went outside, away from your peers. 

“What did you need to tell me?” the owl-haired boy asked. You felt your heart in your throat as you nervously looked down. What if he rejected you as his soulmate? It was rare, but always a possibility. Training your gaze on his wrist, you opened your mouth, ready to tell him the complete truth. 

A hand slipping into Bokuto’s stopped you in your tracks. You watched as perfectly manicured nails threaded between his. Slowly looking up, your eyes met with a familiar face. Glancing back and forth between her face and Bokuto’s avoiding gaze, you stammered out, “Wh-what’s this?”

“I guess I’ll tell you my news first, since we’re all here,” the spiker nervously laughed, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Machi here confessed to me this morning after you left, and obviously, I accepted,” Bokuto said as he raised the hand holding Machi’s between them.

Indescribable pain seared through your chest as you stared at their interlaced fingers. Your mind went blank as you lost feeling in your legs, unsure if you were even standing at this point. Heart shattered into a million pieces, you stared at Bokuto, confusion and hurt clouding your being. You waited for Bokuto to burst out laughing, making fun of you for falling for his prank. You waited, and waited, but the spiker refused to look you in your eye, training his eyes on a spot on the floor. 

It was as if the world fell out from underneath you.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

comment or send me a message to be added to the tag list!

[ginemrys]

dozens of colours of thread

read on AO3

TW: this oneshot mentions suicidal thoughts and goes deep into depression. also brief mentions of parents being ill/dying

Everyone had noticed it, had noticed that James Potter was acting weirdly. He took long walks alone at night, walks that usually led him up to the Astronomy Tower.

WC: 2600

---

The dregs of sadness had started simmering at the end of his fifth year, after he had completely destroyed someone else’s life thanks to his own stupid arrogance. He’d spent most of that summer sulking silently while also trying to hide how he felt from Sirius, who had it a lot worse than him. He’d tried to stay positive for his friend, who had been disowned by his abusive family and moved in with James, because Sirius needed positivity around him.

Sixth year had been rough. The looming war was growing ever closer, tensions were high behind the castle walls. Mary MacDonald had been attacked, as had countless other Gryffindors and muggleborns. Then Sirius had told Snape, told him where to go to find Remus in his werewolf form. James and Snape had both almost died because of what Sirius had done. For weeks it had seemed like James and Remus were finished with Sirius, their conjoined fury pushing him away. It hadn’t been until Lily Evans had spoken to James in a way she’d never done so before, told him to forgive Sirius, told him how much the man he usually called brother was hurting, that James spoke to him again.

Even though Lily had somehow become his friend, James still felt the sadness. Because friendship was all they could ever have. Snape was lurking around what seemed to be every corner when the two of them were together, even if there were others around them. James had been hit with many a curse, his skin needing to be knotted back together thanks to Snape’s horrific dark magic. It was the year that he spent the most time in the hospital wing.

Then came the summer again along with a heavy letter and an even heavier Head Boy badge. Sirius had sworn hands down that it was some kind of mistake and that the badge was meant for Remus. James had even considered writing to Dumbledore to ask if he’d messed something up, but he also knew that the old wizard had an odd sense of humour. So instead he wrote to Lily, telling her that he had received the badge. She’d written back, which helped to alleviate the sadness for a short time as his eyes roamed over her words. She’d also gotten a badge, they’d be working together as Head Boy and Girl, and she also said that she was excited about it, that he would be a good Head Boy. James had smiled at that, smiled until he saw the ‘ your friend ’ as the bottom of the letter. That’s all he would ever be.

Being responsible was difficult with Sirius as his best friend. Because Sirius always wanted to pull some kind of prank or hex some Slytherins. But James couldn’t do that any longer. Seventh year was the first year that James hadn’t received a detention within the first month of being at the school. The sadness was worse now, his parents had caught some rare illness, dragon pox the healers had called it, and so were mostly bedridden. James did his school work on time, patrolled the corridors with Lily, removed points and dished out detentions.

Everyone had noticed it, had noticed that James Potter was acting weirdly. He took long walks alone at night, walks that usually led him up to the Astronomy Tower. He’d stand with his bare toes curling over the edge, a small, minuscule wondering in the back of his mind, how bad could it really be if he let himself fall?

Lily kept smiling at him. She kept finding ways to touch him, whether it be a brush of her hand against his arm or a ruffle of his hair. It confused James to no end. Her smile was always so bright, so beautiful. It was a smile that seemed to be reserved for him, and him alone. But it was also a smile he couldn’t feel he could return, because of the sadness.

James kept the sadness at bay as best as possible around other people, he tried to stay happy, to stay the same positive man he always had been. But it was even harder when Dumbledore asked him to join the Order of the Phoenix, because even though he had said yes before the headmaster could even finish asking, the fear of death still rose up in him.

It was winter before he told anyone. He found himself at the top of the Astronomy Tower once again, his toes frozen in the ice cold air. Not that he noticed the cold. He didn’t realise he was crying until he started sniffing, his sleeve wiping at the tears on his cheeks. He nearly lost his balance and fell when she spoke.

“James? What’s going on with you lately?”

He turned to see her there, her worry for him clear as day on her face. She looked scared, her hand halfway outstretched like she was about to try and grab at his shirt and pull him away from the edge. James suddenly realised what this looked like, what it was. So he stepped away from the ledge, moving back towards sturdier ground.

“Evans… Um… Nothing, I’m okay.” He avoided her eye, staring down at his bare feet.

“Merlin, you look frozen…” Lily whispered, taking a step closer to him. “Why didn’t you wear more layers, James? And shoes?”

“I’m okay.” He repeated.

“No, no you’re not.” She shook her head, taking another step towards him that almost forced him to look at her. “You’re not okay, James, and you haven’t been for a while.”

His lip trembled as he stumbled back, only stopping when he felt the wall behind him. He slid to the ground, his knees tucked against his chest. “How did you find me?” He asked softly, his hands in his hair.

“Well, Remus told me you sneak out of your dormitory most nights, and you seemed so down today I was worried about you.” Lily said, moving to sit next to him. She didn’t sit too close, leaving a couple of inches between them. “You didn’t even see me in the common room as you walked out, so I waited a little while then followed you. It wasn’t like I performed some really difficult magic to scout you out.”

“Right.” James said, rubbing his face with one of his hands. “Well, sorry for worrying you, Evans. But I’m fine, I just like getting some air.”

“Don’t lie to me, James Potter.” Lily snapped, making him start. “You were crying in here before I said anything and you looked like you were going to-”

“Maybe I was.” He interrupted, looking at her. “Maybe I was going to, because everything is so shit right now and maybe I would be better off for it.”

Lily blinked at him, and James could see how deeply his words had affected her. Her eyes welled up, her hands shaking a little where they rested in her lap. “Don’t.” She said after a long pause. “Don’t you dare. You mean too much, James. To everyone around you, to your friends, your family, to me.”

James swallowed deeply then, his hazel eyes widening beneath the wire frames of his glasses. What could she mean? She hated him, sure they’d been getting on better recently, they worked well together and joked together. But she hated him. He meant nothing to her.

Her hand touched his, and she winced. “You’re like ice.” She whispered and soon enough there was a small blue fire burning away in front of them, warmth spreading through his bones. Lily pulled off her jumper and with another flick of her wand it became a blanket. She tried to spread it over both of them, but it wasn’t quite big enough. So Lily shifted closer, their hips meeting and their thighs pressing together.

As numb as James felt in that moment, he had to admit that her body heat felt nice by his, her warmth seeping into his skin. Before he could help it, a tiny sigh of relief escaped him as his fingers started to thaw out beneath the blanket. She must have placed a warming charm on it.

“Talk to me.” Lily said, her voice cutting through the silence after a few short moments.

“I’m just having a rough-” He cut himself off before he could finish, shaking his head. “No… I was going to say month but… Actually, despite what everyone thinks and says, I’ve had a rough few years. But you can stop worrying, Evans.”

“No, I won’t. Because this isn’t you , James.” She spoke up again, her hand finding his beneath the blanket. He kept his eyes fixed on the stone floor in front of him, knowing that if he met her gaze he would never be able to look away. “Sirius told me about your parents, told me everything. He said that you wouldn’t mind if I knew, I hope he was right. My dad- Remember he died, James?”

He looked at her then, his eyes snapping to meet hers. Of course he remembered. She’d raced out of the Great Hall during spring of their fifth year, tears streaming down her face. She’d been gone for a week and for the first time ever Lily Evans had been behind on her homework.

“I know about wanting to keep things private, I know about wanting to pretend everything is fine in front of others before finding a spot to cry in.” Another memory stirred, one of James seeing Lily’s name alone in a classroom on the map, of him seeking her out. Of her telling him to go away before crying against his chest as he held her. Only a few months after that she’d screamed at him after he had been the cause of her biggest heartbreak. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you.”

“Because it’s not just my parents being ill, Evans. It’s everything.” James finally admitted, unsure of whether it was just to her or to himself as well. “Because I know that for years I’ve been everything that would disappoint them, that I’ve hurt people, people I care about a great deal.” He might have imagined it, but her cheeks seemed to turn a little pink at that. “Because there’s arseholes out there that hate people like you, just because of who you are, that no matter what I say or do there’s nothing that can stop them. Because I want to protect muggleborns, protect my friends, protect my family. But at the end of the day I’m just a seventeen year old kid that can do a little transfiguration and can duel. And ride a broom.”

“You’re more than that.” Lily said when he stopped to draw a breath. His words had tumbled out of his mouth after so long of keeping them trapped behind a smile. “James, you’re an incredibly talented wizard. Magic comes so easy to you, I’ve seen you in class. You don’t even need to make notes, you just figure it out so quickly. You’re kind, you’re smart. Sure you’re a little hotheaded and arrogant at times, but you make up for it in the way you treat your friends.” The hand that wasn’t holding his had moved to his cheek, making James’ heart lurch up into his throat. “You care so deeply, I was too stubborn before to see it. It’s shown in the way you ruffle up Remus’ hair when he’s looking peaky, when you help Peter with a spell. When you comfort Sirius after he sees his brother with the Death Eaters.”

“Have you been watching me, Evans?”

“Yes, I have actually. Because you’ve been worrying me for a while, and because you’re my friend. More than that really.” She definitely blushed that time. “Your grief is warranted, your sadness and your doubts are completely valid. But they’re not all that you are. You’re a great man, James Potter, not just a star chaser that can non-verbally transfigure a desk into a pig. “You’re a good friend, a trustworthy one, and Merlin, anyone who has any sense loves you.”

James blinked at her a few times, drinking everything she said in, the fog in his brain starting to disappear at the same rate that the warmth was seeping back into his skin. Maybe she was right, maybe he was more than that.

“I’m not saying you have to wake up tomorrow morning and be happy.” Lily continued, apparently not noticing the effect her words were having on him. “I’m just saying that you have people who care about you, who want to help, who want to burden some of the weight on your shou-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence, her words cut off by James’ lips pressing against her own. His hand dropped hers as he moved to cup her face with each of his hands, pulling her lips to his. He didn’t know what had given him the nerve to do it, maybe the Gryffindor in him had reared its head finally. She was still for a second, her lips frozen against his.

Just as he was doubting his decision, she responded. She moved, her hands sliding up to rest on his chest, fingers clutching at his shirt. She leaned into him, pushing herself up and into his kiss. While James had been attempting to keep the kiss sweet, feeling Lily respond so eagerly set him ablaze.

Though the tips of his fingers were icy on her face, James felt like he was burning up with heat. His tongue slipped along her lower lip, prompting her to open for him, their mouths meeting again and again in a delicious slide of lips and tongue pressing together. One of her hands reached up to his hair, tugging on his soft black curls. James moaned at the feeling, a hand of his own dropping to her waist to pull her impossibly closer.

A small whimper escaped Lily’s lips when he moved away, her lips red, her eyes blown. They were both breathing heavily, their cheeks were flushed.

“I’ve been wanting you to do that for ages.”

“I’ve been wanting to do that for years. Wait, how long is ages?”

Lily’s face somehow got even redder as she looked at him, the tongue that had just been in his mouth darting out to wet her lips.

“Since last year, after the Quidditch final.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. You made me wait, Potter.”

“It won’t happen again.”

Whichever one of them leaned in first, James couldn’t tell. But all he knew was that Lily’s hands were back in hair after she had climbed onto his lap, knocking the blanket away to get closer to him. Her mouth was working on his neck before he managed to say it.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Lily asked between kisses. “For snogging you? Because for that you’re very welcome.”

James grunted when she bit down on his neck softly, his head leaning against the stone wall behind him.

“For saving me. Every night, I was a little closer.” He whispered, his words drawing Lily away from his neck, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones again. “I was so cold for so long, Evans, numb to it all. But you, you came in here with those blazing eyes and your kind soul. And now I’m warm again, I can feel. I’m not completely whole again just yet, but even now, I’m being stitched back together.”

“Then let me keep threading the needle.”

[kitababie]

not you - hanamaki ft. matsukawa

falling for your best friend was painful, at least you had a shoulder to cry on

an // kinda a mess? i wrote this thing at like 1-

genre // angst? fluffy ending, a few suggestive themes but only mentions

wc // 1.5k unedited oops

It hurt to be so close to something but never being able to grasp it, he was so near yet worlds away from you. You’ve known him for so long, standing right next to him knowing that there’s a very thin line you dare not cross.

There were little moments you held on to though, hands grazing each other, eye contact that you knew lasted a few seconds too long, the feeling of his head on your shoulder when he fell asleep during a long bus ride.

Sometimes you forgot he’s not yours, friend dates had become a normal occurrence for the two of you. Of course it comes crashing down around you when he makes a passing remark about this seijoh fangirl, you laugh it off saying she was probably just a fan because the captain.

“Nah she said she comes to see me play, I’m so going to rub this in Issei’s face tomorrow.”

You knew you had no right to be mad about it, you had no claim over him, after all you were just a close friend. That didn’t stop the jealousy from bubbling and the sinking feeling in your stomach. You could feel the solemn look on your face and try your best to smile at the strawberry blonde nonetheless.

“Damn don’t look so sad about it. I’m a catch alright!”

“I was just feeling sorry for this poor girl. I mean she must have a fever or something if she’s got it so bad for you” you try to play it off with banter and a smirk but you knew this would end in heartbreak for you.

“Maybe I can switch our date to a double, that way you can get to know her!”

“O-oh you have a date planned alright?”

He started to talk about her, what class she was in, how smart and determined she was. His eyes didn’t sparkle with delight but it was clear he was happy, and he seemed to be looking forward to something for once. He mentioned something about texting Matsukawa and going to karaoke.

You felt numb but it couldn’t be helped, you knew this day would come. You knew you had to let him go now.

-

Hanamaki looked mildly excited as you two waited at the train station. You were exhausted, you couldn’t really sleep the night before and the bags under your eyes were practically screaming that fact to the world. It doesn’t really matter though, your date was Matsukawa and you had known him almost as long as Hanamaki, he’d seen you look much worse.

You do flush for a moment, finally realizing you were about to go on a date, not just a friend date, with your long time crush’s other best friend. Issei was handsome there was no doubt, he was funny too, but he was Hanamaki.

You sigh as you follow the fall boy on the crowded train, squishing close to him. Why did he have to feel so warm and smell so good? You’d be happy staying like this with him forever, even if he was with someone else you’re just happy to stay by his side, no matter how much it hurts you.

The train ride goes by faster than you wanted. You drained the night ahead of you.

-

You tried to calm your nerves as you walked into the karaoke place, looking only at the ground as Takahiro talked to the man at the front desk. You wanted to make up an excuse right here and now, you didn’t want to face the girl you’ve heard too much about.

Walking to the private room went by in the blink of an eye, you sat in the furthest spot from the door fidgeting with the ends of your sleeves. You eased into some light banter with Hanamaki, conversations with him flowed so naturally. The night might not be so bad…

A lazy knock on the door rang through the room, the door swung open without waiting for a response. Matsukawa waved lightly as he entered, at least he showed up before you had to be a third wheel.

Your eyes locked with the tall brunet’s, a shiver ran down your spine. You’ve never looked at Matsukawa through the lens of romance before, for a moment you forgot about your long time crush sitting right next to you, all you could think about was how captivating Mattsun’s eyes were.

You didn’t notice the side eye Hanamaki had given you before he started some idol chatter with his friend.

By the time Hanamaki’s date showed up you hardly noticed, too deeply engrossed in whatever conversation you and Matsukawa were wrapped up in. You only noticed when the strawberry blonde stood up to greet her with a sly smile. He introduced her, she looked average enough, her cheeks were painted heavily with blush-whether it was makeup or from her ogling he male beside her. You really couldn’t be bothered to care about her name, you waved though, not wanting to seem overly rude.

The night was surprisingly uneventful, the four of you sang and ate, you hardly talked to the girl. She was polite and rather sociable, really you had no reason to dislike her other than your jealousy.

-

Perhaps you should have just confessed your feelings sooner, the awkwardness after your inevitable rejection would eventually pass, honestly it seemed better than the wall you now felt between you and your best friend.

It had been a couple weeks since the double date and since then you noticed the lesser amount of texts and conversations, the way he only glanced at you for short bursts. But he had a girlfriend, of sorts, you never actually heard if they made it official or not.

And you had confided in Matsukawa as of late, you knew it would be wrong to start anything without being transparent about your feelings. The taller boy was understanding, he listened to your rants and worries and provided a shoulder to cry on. He was not into anything too serious, he said he just enjoyed your company. Soon innocent glances and movie nights to distract from the heart ache turned to lingering touches and kisses. You both knew it was nothing but a friends with benefits situation, there was no harm in it. Well there was some harm, it did feel off, trying to forget about Hanamaki while in the arms of his friend and teammate. But it helped ease your pain, at least a little.

-

You could feel a sharp gaze on your neck at lunch, whipping around to tell them off you spurted a bit seeing the familiar mop of pinkish hair. You tug your collar up, cursing Issei for the mark he left a little too high, there was only so much concealer could do after all.

“Finally gettin some huh? Feel sorry for whatever sucker got involved with you” he hadn’t teased you like this in too long, you missed the sound of his voice.

It felt like no time had passed though, the way he’s standing there with a playful smirk he wore. How could he make you feel like this still? How can he jump back into your friendship like he hadn’t spent the last few weeks barely talking to you.

You knew you should tell him off. Or cry, maybe. Anything to express how you missed him. You were more sad about it than anything else, but all you could do was roll your eyes at him. You really couldn’t stay upset at him.

“Why you jealous, my dear Takahiro?” You only really used his first name when teasing him.

Except to fall back into your usual banter you were taken aback by his response, “maybe a little.” He was rubbing his neck and looking away.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Look I know I kinda screwed our friendship, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I miss you and I realized I want more, if you’ll have me”

“What about your ‘girlfriend’?”

“She was nice but...she wasn’t you” he looked sheepish? You’ve never seen him like this.

With a shaky breath you reached for his hands, they were clammy but you paid no mind, only enjoying the sensation of his hands in yours.

You smile up at him before letting out an exasperated sigh “I guess if I have toooo...I’ll be yours. I’m still upset about you ignoring me but maybe a kiss would help…” he pressed his lips gingerly on your lips, pulling away just as fast with a coy look.

“Hey you ignored me too! And I’m not the one with a hickey here” he pouted a little.

“Fair enough, guess I’ll have to tell Issei the bad news” you drop his hands “anyways we should head back to class now.” You laugh lightly, starting to walk away from him as the bell rang.

“Haha yeahh...wait Issei!?”

[jjungkookislife]

Puppy love ║ kth ║ part six: I-I can explain

dog dad!Taehyung x dog groomer!yn

wc: 2k

warnings: cursing, fboy!kook, strained sibling relationship mentions, implications of aroused!kook

a/n: writing in between screenshots

Yoonji sighed, shaking her head as she closed her app.  She didn’t want to be too bummed out over a cute guy she didn’t know, but she wasn’t willing to put her heart on the line if it didn’t work out.  She’d rather feel this slight ache now than a major heartbreak later.  

You were bubbling with excitement as the minutes ticked by and you finished wiping the counter.  You’d be off the clock and able to see Yoonji, Jimin and Yoongi at Kim’s.  

“Finally!” You exclaim as you flip the sign on the front door from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’.  You lock the door before stepping out of the building and straight to your car, hoping nobody stops you to ask for an appointment.  

The second you’re behind the wheel and adjusting your seatbelt, your phone goes off with messages.  You pause, taking your phone out of your bag to check it before you drive off.

You were apprehensive to meet more of Yoongi and Jimin’s friends, not knowing how their personality would mesh with yours.  If you had met them one at a time, like you had with Hoseok, it would be easier on you.  You felt overwhelmed but quickly remembered Yoonji would be there as well and she’d be meeting his friends for the first time. 

The Min twins hadn’t been this close until the past year.  They both had a hard time finding themselves, feeling like they were in each other’s shadow.  That all changed when Yoonji went to school in Busan.  There, nobody knew her as Yoongi’s twin but as just Yoonji.  She liked that, thrived in it and for the first time in her life, she felt like she could be herself and not her brother’s shadow.  

You admired her growth, glad that her self-discovery had made her more confident in herself, and yet she remained your best friend.  The twins were just now melding their friendship, wanting to get back that closeness that they had lost before.  It took effort on both their parts, but Yoonji meeting the rest of Yoongi and Jimin’s friends was a big deal.  The two often kept their worlds separate, but that couldn’t be helped when you were best friends with Yoonji and Jimin, thus bringing in Yoongi into the equation.  

You loved Yoongi though, how could you not?  He was sweet and gentle but wasn’t scared to be honest with you.  He was loyal, immensely talented, and cared about you deeply simply because you were a friend.  

You valued all of their friendships, and you wanted to be able to have fun tonight and put in your best effort in meeting his friends; no matter how nervous it made you.  You found peace knowing Yoongi wouldn’t keep bad company, and with that thought on your mind, you changed your outfit and waltzed out the door to meet your friends. 

Taehyung walked Tannie to the park, holding his leash as Tannie sniffed the surrounding ground.  

Tae wanted to meet up with his friends, but he was in one of those moods where he just wasn’t up to socializing.  He knew if he’d told his friends the truth, they’d understand, but he wasn’t one to make them worry.  Instead, he decided to clear his head by going on a walk with his dog at the park.  He figured the fresh air and Tannie’s excitement would be enough for him to relax and hopefully get out of this mood that weighed heavily on his heart. 

Yoonji was waiting for you outside the restaurant as you walked up. Her face lit up, and she wrapped her arms around you so tight you thought she’d squeeze you out of your dress. 

“I can’t breathe,” you manage to say as you try to hug her back while taking a breath when she eases up on her grip. 

“Sorry!” She’s quick to apologize.  “I’ve missed you!”

“I missed you too!  I hope you weren’t out here too long.” You state, hoping you hadn’t inconvenienced her. 

“Just a minute or two.  Jimin and Yoongi went to greet their friend. Apparently it’s his place.  Or one of them, I should say.”  Yoonji informed you as the two of you walk into the crowded restaurant. 

“Oh? Wow!”  You take in the atmosphere as Yoonji leads you to the back of the restaurant where there’s a large table set up and Yoongi and Jimin wait for the both of you.  You sit beside Jimin, and beside you sits Yoonji, leaving the seat to her left empty.  

“You made it,” Jimin says as he hugs you, kissing your cheek. 

“We’re all back together again,” you grin as you feel slightly at ease to be surrounded by your friends. 

A few minutes after catching up briefly, there’s a loud group entering the restaurant.  It catches your attention and Yoonji’s head whips around to face her brother; a scowl on her face.  

“You didn’t tell me he was coming!”  She hisses at her brother, who shrugs. 

“I didn’t know til last minute.  Taehyung isn’t coming though,” Yoongi says as he grabs his drink and the group of men come closer.  

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he spots Yoonji, looking away, only to realize his friends have filled the remaining seats and the only spot empty is beside her.

Yoonji puts her hand on your thigh, silently asking you what to do.  She had filled you in on her last conversation with him just a few hours ago and you knew the last thing she wanted was to be in the same place as him, much less sitting beside him.  

“Hey guys!” Jimin chirps with a grin and a wave.  Everyone says hi before they’re all staring at you and Yoonji.  Jungkook stares at his lap, his cheeks pink.  

“This is my sister Yoonji and our friend Y/n.”

You wave.  

Namjoon smiles, “so you’re the girl Tae-“

Hoseok elbows him.

You raise your brow, confused.

“The girl he takes his dog too.” Namjoon finishes lamely.  

You nod, “he’s Tannie’s dad?”

“He’ll be bummed he didn’t come tonight,” Seokjin appears with a smile, extending his hand out for you and Yoonji to shake.  

“It’s a pleasure to meet you and Yoonji.  We’ve heard so much about you two.”

“Wish we could say the same,” Yoonji states, glaring at her brother.  Yoongi sighs, “you’ll be fine.  Plus, you’ve got Y/n right there.”

“Y/n?” Jungkook speaks for the first time.  You nodded.  

Jungkook furrows his brows before looking at Hoseok, “isn’t that your girlfriend’s name too?”

Hoseok nods and Jungkook licks his lips, “weird.”

“Ignore him, he doesn’t get out much,” Namjoon says as he pats the seat beside him for Seokjin to sit down for a second.  

“That’s not what I heard,” Yoonji mumbles loud enough for you and Jungkook to hear.  Jungkook’s cheeks turn red along with his ears.  He coughs uncomfortably before he excuses himself. 

“Yoonji!” You hiss the moment he’s gone.  

“What? It’s true.”

You know you won’t get anywhere with her, so you turn to Jimin and talk to him instead.  You didn’t care for rude people, and if Yoonji was going to treat Jungkook like this all night; you wanted no part in it.  Yoonji knew that, so she too, excused herself.  

“I wish Tae had come,” Jimin sighs as you finished the last of your dessert.  

“I’d like to meet him properly sometime.  I like all your friends, even Jungkook that’s been hiding most of the night.”

Jimin chuckles, “he’s not a bad guy, honest.  He just likes to fuck, which isn’t a bad thing, but he’s got a reputation that makes him seem like a fuckboy.  He’s always up front about his intentions.  He never lies to any of his partners about what he wants.”

You nod in understanding.  Jimin plays with the straw in his glass, “however, I’m not messing with Yoonji and Jungkook.  If they like each other or they just want to fuck, they can figure it out on their own.  They’re both adults, and frankly, it’s none of my business where Jungkook puts his dick.”

“Better not be in Yoonji,” Yoongi huffs, but Jimin rolls his eyes and silences him with a kiss. 

“Let her do what she wants.  She knows what’s best for her.”

“I know,” Yoongi sighs dejectedly, curling into his boyfriend's side.  “I just worry about her…”

“She can handle her own.  Come on, let’s go see where she ran off too so we can get you home.”  Jimin helps Yoongi up and you rise from your seat to follow them. 

You linger at the front door, noting the sun is long gone and the darkness of the night has overwhelmed the sky.  You look down the street, giggling when you see a couple kissing quite passionately.  Hands moving up and down the woman’s body while her hands grip the collar of his button-down shirt.  The rest of his shirt is half pulled out of his tight jeans and when his hand comes up to cup her face, you see the tattoos on his hands.  

“Is that Yoonji and Jungkook?!” You gasp, attracting your friends’ attention, now joined by Hoseok and Namjoon.  

“Son of a bitch,” Namjoon huffs, placing a $20 bill in Hoseok’s open palm. 

“I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist her,” Hoseok grins as he pockets the money.  Yoongi shoves them both.  

“When did that happen?” Jimin asks, blinking and rubbing his eyes to make sure he’s seeing correctly.  “She hated him at dinner.”

“And now his tongue is down her throat,” Seokjin chuckles as he joins the group.  

“So who’s gonna go get her?” You ask as you say ‘not it’ right after.  

Unfortunately, Jimin loses and ends up walking toward them, looking over his shoulder every few steps to pout.  He taps Jungkook on the shoulder to get his attention, knowing Yoonji would bite his finger off.  

You can’t hear what he’s saying to them, but when he turns and points at the sizable group, you wave.  Yoonji crosses her arms, shaking her hair out of her face and straightening her outfit.  

She looks at Jungkook, biting her lip.  Jungkook swallows thickly, adjusting his shirt but not tucking it back into his pants.  Jimin shrugs, walking away from them before rejoining the group. 

“What happened?” Hoseok asks when Jimin doesn’t immediately spill. 

“Jungkook is gonna walk her home.  Come on, Min Twin,” Jimin grabs his boyfriend’s hand and leads him away.  You hesitate, taking your phone out to call Yoonji, who is still talking to Jungkook.  

She answers immediately, looking at you. 

“Are you sure you want him to walk you home? I can take you,” you state.  

“Uh… yeah.   It’s not too far from here.  Don’t worry, I’ll text you when I get there.”  Yoonji hangs up, and you receive a text from her with Jungkook’s phone number just in case. 

You nod, waving at the rest of the boys before you get into your car.  They wait for you to drive off before they go their separate ways.  

Taehyung lies on the couch when he gets home, and that’s where Jungkook finds him an hour later after leaving with Yoonji. 

“How was the park?” He asks tentatively. 

Taehyung shrugs, “fine.”

“You missed meeting Y/n.” 

“I’ve met Hoseok’s girlfriend ,” Taehyung answers as he calls for Tannie.  The pup comes running, jumping onto his chest. 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, “no.  Y/n, as in your dream girl Y/n.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen as he sits up with Tannie in his arms, “she was there?!  The love of my life was there?!”

Jungkook nods

“And YOU got to meet her before me?!”

Again, Jungkook nods. 

“That’s not fair!  I didn’t even get her name, and you got to spend time with her and get her name?”

“We told you to go with us,” Jungkook shrugs as he yawns.  Taehyung finally noticed his friend's disheveled appearance. 

“What happened to you?”

“I… met Yoonji.” Jungkook blushes as he unbuttons his shirt.  Pink marks litter his neck and chest. 

“Some meeting,” Tae whistles as Jungkook runs the nape of his neck. 

“Yeah… we’re going out tomorrow.  I’m excited,” Jungkook admits.  Taehyung is glad for his friend. He knew his interest in Yoonji was bigger than anyone else he had ever met, and after she had rejected him, he had been feeling down.  He hopes the date goes well, he likes seeing Jungkook happy.  

puppy love ║ kth

part six: I-I can explain

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masterlist

[nochanchu]

ipso facto, two.

» def. latin by that very fact or act.

pairing: park chanyeol x reader (unnamed oc) genre: fwb + fake dating au, drama, romance, themes of heartbreak and unrequited love (at first) | includes unhealthy relationship dynamics wc: 1,092 description: Park Chanyeol has always made poor decisions, always, maybe—just this once—he has it right this time.

✗ INDEX

On a night approximately two years ago, the roar of Chanyeol’s best friend’s car dies off into a blissful and comfortable silence, taking the crisp heat alongside it as soon he opens his door and lets more of the outside cold seep in. But because she makes no moves to leave yet, he doesn’t either.

From underneath the incandescent light of the overhead lights, her questioning eyes keep him in place and a sense of unease begins to creep back into his system again. He had hoped to leave those thoughts back at his apartment, but it seems like there’s no escaping reality even now.

“This is a terrible idea,” she says, with a frown pressed into her lips. “You and Minju just broke up.”

“I think it’ll be good for me to get wasted,” Chanyeol replies dismissively, and somehow still trying—emphasis on trying—to sound certain that this won’t backfire in his face. Truthfully, he doesn’t know whether it will or it won’t. He’s not going to admit that aloud, nor does he want to.

There have been hits and misses with doing this same thing in the past, but deep inside his gut he feels that smidgen of uncertainty tainting its way all throughout his confidence. He thinks twice about why he’s doing this and what led him here, and the one thought he meant to push out completely seems to rear its ugly head again too.

In thinking through everything else, Chanyeol has to let himself wonder how everything went downhill so fast. He actually felt like things were going well with Minju, that he wasn’t repeating past mistakes by being too boring or too out there, too clingy or not too clingy enough—those sorts of things that often vary from person to person—and he really believed he had it right this time.

They were both Music Production majors who took the introduction class to music theory just as seriously as an upper division course, because it mattered that much. When they were partnered together (thanks to a switch-up) for the final to analyze musicians and what they were doing, they actually enjoyed following the rhythm of percussion, watching guitarists get lost in their solos for a handful of minutes at a time, and noting the techniques from all of the vocalists. What they shared beyond the understanding of theories in that class was this understanding of how music gets you to feel without trying. It made Chanyeol happy to share that with someone.

Sure, he has his best friend, who will hear him out and accompany him to concerts but that wasn’t the same. She’s his best friend, not a lover, and Minju differentiated those relationships.

At least until questions arose and he had to make a choice. He always has to make a choice.

“I think you’re just looking for a rebound,” she points out.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, thinking it best not to, though the offended expression on his face does break her frown into a small smile. He knows she doesn’t want to be too harsh on him, but he doesn’t like that she’s calling him out like this.

The silence proves her point (at least to her) and he hates that he walked right into that one. It’s semi-true, but he wants to keep his expectations low in case nothing happens and he winds up deeper in his own shitty feelings than when he started. “Could you ease up a bit? I am still hurting from all of this,” he points out, albeit weakly against her raised eyebrow.

“I’m all for letting you cry your heart out and binge-watching That 70’s Show to cope, but listening to Baek by going to a bar sounds a lot more like a morning-after regret you’ve exercised way too many times before,” he hesitates to retort, especially when she adds, “Plus, he’s the reason you got with Minju in the first place.”

“I mean it wasn’t like that was a mistake or anything… well, I don’t know. It was and wasn’t, but the prospect of booze on a depressing night sounds like the perfect way to exercise my singledom,” Chanyeol says. He knows she isn’t convinced in the slightest, still stuck on the idea of what could go wrong tonight instead of what could go right. “You’re being too negative,” he frowns, messing with the top of her hair. “Just trust me.”

She snorts, half-heartedly attempting to swat his hand away. “Drunk you should never be trusted. I want your phone before we get in there—”

“Wha—?” The incredulous sound dies out about halfway through his voice. She has such an uncanny way of effectively shutting him up with one all-too-knowing stare.

“—You are unbearably embarrassing as a drunk texter and caller, Chan. Phone. Now.” She sticks her hand out and obtains the plastic device, shoving it into one of the pockets of her never-ending cavern of a purse, and giving a nod. “Alright, you have your fun. We leave at one.”

As soon as they leave the car and enter the bar, Chanyeol takes one drink after another. Each one is even more bitter than the other until they stop coming at some point.

/

Chanyeol finds himself with a pounding headache the following morning, and a phone number scrawled on his forearm.

She has two ibuprofens, a cup of coffee, and some other food laid out just for him. A note scrawled beside his phone gives him some answers, not enough to sate the curiosity of the phone number’s owner that flashes across his mind.

He remembers her very vaguely. He knew he had been drunk and too tired to differentiate between faces, because they all looked like Minju then. Everyone he could speak to, he hoped and wished it was the strawberry blonde that shattered his heart, so he could ask her why she had decided he wasn’t enough. He wanted to know why he was never enough. But then came Dohee, who grinned at him and offered to be his shoulder to cry on when he was sober.

He recalls her being bold and beautiful, daring and carefree, and most of all, new and oh-so-inviting. It’s the first time the chase was taken to him. The kind of chase that he has never dreamt of participating in, because he has always been a runner. Her attention flattered him, reeled him, and made him feel like he was the most special guy in the world—actually, he felt like her whole world.

If only he had known then.