#after all they were in contact with a lot of people from the inner circle

[undying-love]

Beatles biographers saying totally normal things about John and Paul: A compilation

"‘John always used to say,’ Yoko told me at one point, ‘that no one ever hurt him the way Paul hurt him.’ The words suggested a far deeper emotional attachment between the two than the world ever suspected - they were like those of a spurned lover." -Philip Norman

"No matter how much he loved Yoko, the Gibraltar ceremony seems like something close to an on-the-rebound reaction to the loss of his first great love, Paul McCartney." -Chris Salewicz

"Almost in each other’s face, John and Paul quickly gained an unusual closeness, little or nothing hidden. Paul noticed that ‘John had beautiful hands." -Mark Lewisohn

"With Yoko present, Paul McCartney’s reign as Lennon’s princess was doomed.” -Peter McCabe

"John's in love with Yoko," Paul confessed to a reporter from the 'Evening Standard', "and he's no longer in love with the three of us." But for all intents and purposes, he might as well have been talking about himself." -Bob Spitz

'I thought Paul's was rubbish,' opined Lennon, saying that he preferred George's All Things Must Pass. McCartney studied the article with the morbid fascination of a jilted lover receiving a kiss-off letter. -Howard Sounes

“Lennon could have abandoned the (US) immigration case and returned to Britain, and possibly even to McCartney, but that would have meant accepting that his relationship with Ono was over.”-Peter Dooget

"Theirs was a volatile relationship right up to the end, and was fraught with emotional summits and valleys. While the connection between them was strictly heterosexual, it was deep, passionate, and highly explosive." -Geoffrey Giuliano

"John was insecure, and when he saw Paul he wanted to look cool. He gave up all his friends for Paul. Aunt Mimi recalled that John jumped around the kitchen when he told her about his new friend. She sarcastically said to John that they were like ‘chalk and cheese’ meaning how different they were. And John would start hurling himself around the room shouting ‘Chalk and Cheese!'’ smiling and laughing. He was fucking in love with him, he adored him. She understood he found the partner of his life." -Thomas Rhodes

“The last week in August, Paul McCartney returned to Liverpool, tanned and noticeably slimmer. In addition to starting school, he came back to begin a relationship he seemed destined for: hooking up with John Lennon." -Bob spitz

“Seeing Lennon focus on Ono rather than him [Paul] was as devastating as it would have been for Cynthia Lennon to witness the couple making love.” -Peter Dogget

[daycourtofficial]

Secret exchanges

Summary: a few weeks after the aftermath of Rhys’s banishment, your mate, the new High Lord of the Autumn Court, has a secret meeting with someone from your family.

Author’s note: this is set pretty soon after I am ash from your fire ☺️

Warnings: furthering my sexy Eris agenda by letting him be a smidge cunty

Word count: ~1k

“Shadowsinger.”

“High Lord.”

The titles were exchanged with tense tones as both males look each other over in hopes of finding a nearly fatal wound they could exploit. Coming up short of that, the two watch each other with uncertain gazes, this meeting marking something new.

The Illyrian steps closer, holding out a box in his scarred hands. The new high lord accepts the parcel, looking inside to ensure everything is accounted for. Underneath the lid, the box contains six beautifully decorated mint chocolate cupcakes from the bakery you adore that’s nestled in the heart of Velaris.

“Are condolences in order?”

Eris sneers at Azriel’s taunting tone, snapping the lid to the cupcakes, “only to the foolish noblemen my father made rich. It feels as if everyone in Autumn can breathe properly now that a foul stench has dissipated.”

Males of lesser intelligence could have pieced together the timeline between Rhys banishing you from Night and Eris assassinating Beron within a 24 hour span. Despite his feelings for the red head before him, Azriel was impressed at how swiftly he took the reins.

Azriel inspects the male before him, somehow standing taller than he had previously seen, as if the weight of the world were lifted from his shoulders. His pale skin glowed in the sunlight passing through the trees, and he looked as if the Earth had molded him herself. He almost glowed beneath his skin, as if his veins crackled with pure fire.

Azriel knew Rhys was blowing things out of proportion by banishing you, and Azriel, along with the rest of the inner circle, had no idea how to help you or to let you know that they didn’t care.

Well, they did care. They cared a lot. He and Cassian alone spent several hours sparring trying to work through their rage at the Cauldron’s choice of mate for you.

They weren’t thrilled by this situation, but ultimately they understood that this wasn’t your choice, and while it is your choice now, Azriel of all people couldn’t hate you for trying to make your mating bond work.

He wanted to hate you, though. When he was first told of your banishment, he wanted to destroy your room, destroy any and all memories of this betrayal. He spent days in a fog, running through his meticulous backlog of scheduling to figure out when and how such a ‘relationship’ had occurred.

He had finally left his room in a rage and was on his way to your room when he ran into Nesta, where she practically dragged Azriel by his ear to the training ring. She forced Azriel to spar with her, forcing him to talk about why it hurt so badly.

It would be easy for him to write off your banishment as the right thing to do under the guise of his hatred for Eris. But the real truth, settled deep, deep down in his bones, was that you were the only other member of the family who wasn’t paired off.

He felt less alone when you were around. Not that he had any inclinations towards you. It just didn't feel as crushing with someone else to share the burden. Now with you being gone, albeit not of your own accord, he felt that loneliness seep back in, that deep desire for someone to love him wholly.

But now you’re off, banished not only from your court, but from your family. Rhys had commanded all of them to cease any contact with you directly.

Technically Eris was a workaround.

Azriel could never deny you, especially not when it came to your obsession with the cupcakes he just handed to Eris, the two of you sneaking off on several occasions to satisfy the sweet tooth you shared.

Despite every part of screaming to do so, he couldn’t deny your mate when he came to the shadowsinger, asking for an olive branch.

Azriel cleared his throat, not wanting to spend anymore time with the newly appointed High Lord, but still needing some update on you, “how is she?”

Eris sighed, mulling over how to answer the shadowsinger. His thoughts went to you, and how you always spoke fondly of Azriel. You’d never keep the truth from Azriel, despite keeping the mating bond from him. You hated not telling anyone in your family, a topic of conversation you and Eris constantly circled back to.

“Coping as you would expect,” the new high lords words making Azriel feel worse than he did before. The shadowsinger’s eyes move to the ground, and in a rare move, decides to extend an olive branch of his own.

For you. He would do this for you.

“I don’t agree with Rhys’s actions.”

Eris raises his eyebrows, “ah, so the dogs can disagree with their master.”

Azriel’s snarl causes Eris’s lip to curl in a smirk, but he holds his hands up in surrendor.

“I never expected you or the other one to ever disagree with him, at least never admitting it to me.”

Hazel eyes meet amber, a mask over his features as he slits his eyes in warning.

“Don’t make me regret disagreeing with Rhys.”

Eris’s expression softens at the Illyrian despite the obvious threat lacing his words. He looks down at his fingers, inspecting his nails as if he can't be bothered to look at Azriel anymore.

“If I ever do anything that would make you regret it, you and the other brutes may come and dispose of me yourselves. The honor would belong to you, if she doesn’t wish to collect.”

Azriel turned to leave, but was stopped by Eris’s voice.

“Before you go,” Azriel turned as Eris procured several sealed envelopes with your handwriting on the front.

“I was instructed to leave these with you.”

Azriel grabs the letters from Eris’s hands, as if he would burn them in front of the Shadowsinger, taunting him further with any contact to you.

In his hands lay several letters, each one addressed to a member of your family except for Rhysand.

Eris’s voice chimes back in, “she wanted to write to him. Couldn’t find the words.”

He shrugs, turning his back on the Shadowsinger as he starts walking back through the orchard, flowers blooming all around them.

“Or perhaps she knew he would skin you alive if you delivered it to him before he was ready.”

[inkpot909]

Your Relationship Trope (Bucciarati’s Gang)

↳ Gender Neutral Reader. Takes place after the events of Part 5 in a everyone lives!AU.

A/n: It’s been a while! I had to take some time for personal matters, so sorry for my absence. I wrote something just a tad more breezy to help ease myself back into it; I really missed writing. I hope y’all enjoy!

Warning(s): None.

Giorno Giovanna

-> Love at First Sight

This deeply romantic, cheesy, guy.

Because of how much he prides himself on understanding, and by extension owning, his own thoughts and feelings- he could tell there was something drawing him to you the moment he met you. A gut feeling that he’d really care to know you better; one that he knows better than to ignore.

Good luck trying to hide anything from him yourself, either. He is as good at reading others as he is himself.

Therefore, if you felt immediately drawn to him as well, he’s going to notice. You might not say anything outright or maybe try to bury it deep down… but either way, he can tell.

Not that he minds your affections, of course. Giorno gets into this cheeky habit of dangling the concept of a potential relationship above your head. Just out of reach.

Yes, it’s in part because he wants to tease you. Seeing you grow flustered at his unapologetically forward flirtations… it never gets old.

But Giorno is also a very busy individual.

It’s difficult for him to plan meetups with you, being gone for days on end at times. Even up and leaving at the drop of a hat if the need arises. He takes his position seriously, and has been a rather involved Don since day one.

And Giorno is a sucker for the details, so he won’t make the final push to become official unless it’s the perfect moment.

Luckily for you, he’s a patient guy.

And as mentioned, he can read you like an open book. He knows you’re not looking at other men or women. Keenly aware you’re waiting for him to make some grand gesture.

Some guilt inevitably spawns whenever he gets extra busy, but your happiness at getting to see him again quickly puts those worries to rest for the time being.

All that in due time… after all, if it’s really true love, he is in no desire to rush.

That being said, the people in his inner circle would absolutely like him to rush. Who knows about his feelings for you? Everyone.

That’s not hyperbole, he’s fairly certain everyone around him can tell.

He will never shut up about you. In damn near any situation where it may be appropriate. Not in any situation that it would potentially reach your ears.

Mista himself has commented that he doesn’t know which he would prefer: Giorno before a relationship with you or during. Either way he’s ‘dealing with a lovesick fool.’

Giorno doesn’t care much, already knowing it’s something his closest friends ought to get used to. Confident in himself and what he picks up on.

After all, your smile says what his mind is already thinking.

Bruno Bucciarati

-> Reunited Childhood Friends

Bruno Bucciarati is a man that has stuck with the same haircut and pattern of clothing since he was twelve years old.

Of course he’s still not over you by the time of the inevitable reunion. Like Giorno, he’s definitely a ‘one love’ sort of man.

Getting contacted by you felt like a dream… but it also brought forth initial hesitation.

Due to the specific turn his life took, he had to leave a lot of things behind. Some more regrettable than others… and you were one of his biggest regrets for a long time.

Regardless, his heart won that day- as he agreed to meeting up with you faster than he would care to admit.

The excitement and build up to it after a date was set is a beast in of itself. The prospect of finally seeing you again after all these years fills his chest with a warmth he’s only ever associated with you.

His mind whirls, all his thoughts leading back to the hope that he’ll get to know the person you have matured into.

Your career, hobbies, how your family is doing, the path you’ve been walking down ever since he’d left its course far too long ago… and him praying there’s a distinct lack of a ring on your left hand.

Bruno’s glad to say that his hopes were well-placed. Upon seeing you again, you proved to be just as eager to know how he’s been doing all this time.

Your questions leave him feeling bittersweet; something he knew would happen.

How could he even begin to explain himself? Would he even want to? You deserve more than a short explanation or a lie. But he cannot and will not bring you into gang affairs either. And if he was honest…. where would he even begin?

“I committed murder to protect my father when I was twelve and ended up entangled in gang affairs. Sorry for not giving you a phone call.”

… it needs work, to put it lightly.

He’s not the type to succumb to fear but… it’s difficult not to stress over what you would think of him if he’s completely honest with you. It’s a testament to how deeply special you are to him; hardly ever getting this mentally worked up over anything outside his beloved team.

The push and pull of wanting to be honest with you- yet not wanting to risk putting a target on your back.

Whether it’s due to the years of separation or just the undeserved kindness you offer him, at some point, you admit to only thinking of those old days fondly.

Regardless of being quite startled with his sudden absence in your life, you couldn’t hold it against him. You knew of his parents divorce, and the last thing you had heard, was that Bruno’s father was in the hospital.

At first, he’s just resigns himself into being gratefyl you had it within yourself to forgive him.

But how can he hope to ignore… how lovely of a person you have grown up to be- inside and out. In the long run, it just doesn’t happen. His feelings truly snowballing for the first time in years.

Suddenly, he feels like a foolish child again. Only now, he must be doing something right because you could cause traffic to stop with the way you start to look at him.

There’s a warm nostalgia to you. Someone who knows him; truly knows him. Outside of his work and the contradictions he over for it for years.

And it gets to a point where Bruno resolves he must tell you how he feels. And by then, he won’t dally.

You’re back in his life again, and he’s sure as hell not leaving. Especially not without expressing his feelings.

Only took him short of nine years.

Leone Abbacchio

-> ‘We’re Just Coworkers’

He doesn’t necessarily meet people outside Passione, not one to go out of his way to seek companionship.

He has the team. He has Bucciarati. There isn’t much he wants, or feels like he can, ask for.

It’s because of this that you both are most likely to meet through the organization.

And there’s no doubt that Abbacchio is… apathetic to your position in the gang at first.

Now, he’s not as harsh on you as he was comparatively to Giorno. You’re not a fifteen year old with a savior complex and a tendency to act with a sort of righteous grandeur.

So, in short, you’re already doing great as far as he’s concerned.

Not that he warms up to you quickly; quite the opposite. Weeks will pass before he starts to slowly accept and involve you in any meaningful capacity. A guy like him just needs time to get used to someone so new to him… lots and lots of time.

Once that need has been met, he figures you’re alright.

Not bad company- in or out of Passione business. Far favorable to other people around him, as far as he’s concerned. He finds that you’re much better to converse with than Mista or Fugo.

It’s in his nature to compare a little bit, so when he starts seeing you from a fairer perspective… that’s when a quiet appreciation forms.

Alas, his heart is not as immovable as he likes believing it to be.

Over time, the two of you start to metaphorically lean on one another.

It starts off professionally enough, relying on one another in the heat of battle. Then, it gets to a more personal level- quieter conversations maintained between the two of you beneath the usual noise of the others interacting just a foot or two away.

Still, you two only work together. It’s professional. Without question. At least, that’s the case if Abbacchio or you are asked about it directly.

But the others are oh-so-quick-to-point-out that him letting you crash on his bed during particularly exhausting nights is not exactly platonic behavior. Nor is just how sucked into conversations the two of you get, or how much time you spend one-on-one.

And Abbacchio is nothing if not the type to do the exact opposite of what everyone says.

He’s going to deny it for months. Hell, years if you let him.

Never mind the fact the two of you already act like a couple. Getting ‘mistaken’ as one when going out, regardless if it’s just the two of you or not. Each time, you’re both insistent that you’re merely work friends.

It would be ten times more frustrating if there wasn’t any truth to it that neither of you are prepared to admit to.

It takes a healthy amount of whack cartoonish logic for things to finally fall into place. Being locked in a small room for twenty minutes, or possibly an accidental kiss to the lips… that sort of thing.

Guido Mista

-> Coffee Shop Regular

Mista likes the simple things in life, no doubt.

There’s many ways that fact manifests. One example is that he often wanders around the city in order to check out local businesses. Diners, secondhand stores, and little coffee shops. He knows the area well, and likes sparking up conversations with the people he comes across.

And a cute worker at one of his favorite coffee shops? Makes his day even better, he’d figure.

He was already a regular at your place of employment long before you were hired. Meaning, when he saw a new face behind the counter, he had to offer a hello with a relaxed smile on his face.

And to his credit, it was incredibly easy to like him.

The type of customer who’s always in a decent mood, not too impatient, and always knowing what he wanted to order long before walking in.

Sprinkle in a pleasant ‘hello’ or a lighthearted joke every now and then, and he starts to notice your face brightening every time he enters the shop.

He won’t argue against the idea it fills him with something far deeper than pride.

Beyond finding you initially attractive, he considers you a good worker. He cannot imagine being a barista is always easy, but he’d care to point out that you make it look easy. You know his order by memory after a while, and conversation with you comes naturally.

And soon, the workplace barrier is finally shattered. Happening so casually it was practically thoughtless.

One day, Mista walked into the store just when you were sent on a break. He greeted you as always, and offered to sit with you while you decompressed with a cup of coffee of your own.

That’s when he’d say that something a bit more concrete formed. More real, past the relationship of worker and patron.

And he grows unapologetically forward by then too.

He’s not the type to hit on you at work, but certainly not above blatantly asking for your number after he felt it may be appropriate to do so.

He finds it to be a casual and natural progression, something that is in his nature to embrace.

Like Giorno, though, he’ll drag out the time before asking you out just in order to tease you. He doesn’t automatically figure out that you might be into him, but he’ll get the hint by the time you two start calling one another regularly.

He’s not easily affected by the others teasing him over you, either. He openly admits that he’s into you, why get embarrassed?

Now, if someone makes a comment about it in front of you, then he’ll get flustered. An emotion expressed through frustration and defensiveness.

Regardless of that, it’s such a relaxed progression that at some point he thinks meeting you may have been fate. There’s a ton of coffee shops all around Naples, yet you chose to work at one of the small handful he regularly likes visiting.

If his life is predetermined, like he believes it is, then he’s grateful fate is on his side.

Pannacotta Fugo

-> Friends to Lovers

This man looks at someone with a view on love like Giorno and scoffs with distain.

The notion of ‘love at first sight’ is one that is only entertained by foolish and idealistic individuals, according to Fugo. Rolling his eyes, a scoff escaping his lips… he thinks that mindset is ridiculous and is unafraid to express it.

Hell, romantic relationships aren’t even on his radar in general.

He doesn’t look down on or think negatively of anyone in one, of course. But it’s hardly ever on his mind. Focused on Passione and the team he is proud to be a part of.

And that doesn’t change one bit upon meeting you.

As usual, such a thing doesn’t cross his mind once. The prospect of a potential new ally and friend is the only one he cares to ponder, even if you start off on the right foot. He’s a little distant, but polite and fair enough to give you a chance.

Good thing he did to, as far as hindsight is concerned.

A funny individual and someone who hardly ever makes him want to flip a table? He’s glad to call you his friend once a foundation of trust is established.

If he thinks about it, he’d have to admit to himself there’s something very earnest and warm about the relationship.

You’re a good conversationalist, he respects your intelligence, and even silence around you is comfortable.

More than that, you’re reliable. Stress doesn’t come quite as easy whenever you’re around. And when it does, you understand him. You know just what to say and how to say it. And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to express the same kindness.

He starts thinking of you when you’re not around, especially when he’s alone. Thinking of anything from a fond or humorous memory, or simply the curve of your smile.

Oh… oh no.

Tackling his own growing feelings is a lengthy process. He wasn’t interested in seeking out a partner, but he catches feelings before he even realizes it.

And figuring out your feelings on the matter? Forget it.

He won’t say a thing unless you make a move yourself, too wary to even admit he could realistically do something himself. A fact the others are quite keen on reminding him of.

His insecurity won’t last forever, though.

Being around you is such a joy that it’s hard to get trapped in his own mind in the moment. That smile on your face, and sentences leaving your lips in the familiar tones of your voice…

You are his friend first and foremost; someone he feels he can really talk to and trust.

And that’s why you turn out to be everything he didn’t know he’d ever hope for.

Narancia Ghirga

-> Will They, Won’t They?

Giorno is going to start making Narancia pay for his therapy appointments. Abbacchio once made a sarcastic remark about wanting to start drinking again because of this. Mista has given Narnacia approximately twenty three lectures over the subject. Fugo is pulling his hair out.

And really, who can blame any of them?

Having to watch you and Narancia interact on a regular basis is a frustrating experience- to put it lightly.

That feeling only heightened by the fact that it’s something no one feels as though they can even comment directly on whenever you and Narancia are both around. Simply swallowing any words bubbling to the surface.

All this to say, Narancia falls for you quickly and he falls hard.

At first, there wasn't a single complaint to be had from anyone on the team. On the contrary, the others took the time to hype him up with wide smiles and pats on his back.

Narancia himself is excited to be experiencing something as genuinely sweet and grounded as a crush, and that elation was contagious.

But then a couple weeks pass... then a month... then another month... then another....

If the others were a smidge more invasive, they would've just pushed you two in front of one another yelling 'to just get on with it already' months ago.

Specifically Fugo, who actively lets it get to him in a way that Narancia merely huffs at. Sometimes offering a noncommittal response if he feels it’s necessary.

It doesn't matter how much his former tutor gets on his case, Narancia’s not budging. A light blush present on his face when he insists for the hundredth time that there's no way you could possibly feel the same.

Your own friends go through a very similar situation on the other end of things.

Similarly with someone like Abbacchio, the two of you act like a couple far before anything is set in stone. Unlike him, it's less causal and downright mind-boggling to the people around you.

Your legs lazily draped over his lap, going on drives that last for hours at a time, one barely ever seen without the other, and talking about each other constantly.

The latter became so frequent that Giorno once had to pull Narancia aside and tell him to stop mentioning you at Passione meetings.

Narancia has to bit his lip just to stop himself, but he manages. Much to the Don’s relief- never wanting to have that kind of conversation with a friend again.

Giorno cannot and won't try to control him outside of work, though, so it was merely half the battle.

Not that Narancia particularly minds the others' reactions to it very much.

Months into his affections and he's gotten used to the constant stream of teasing. Besides, he lies to himself figures that maybe they're just jealous. He wouldn’t blame them if that’s the case, finding you as special as any person can be.

Regardless of what anyone says, the sweetness is there.

An amusement to be had over how truly clueless the both of you are, despite interacting with flushed faces and stuttering words. It’s sweet, then annoying to the point where it circles around to being funny.

But you and Narancia retreat into your own little world where all of that melts away. He’s loyal, and since you hold his heart, it would be an understatement to say you’re just important to him.

Who will give in and admit the crush first? It's up in the air.

[faithisyours]

Something to Tell

Azriel x Ace Fem!reader

Summary: You and Azriel are recently mated. You decide to take things slow, but you have something personal to tell Az.

Warnings: coming out, fluff

Word Count: 965

A/N: Sup y’all. Sorry I’ve been absent, a lot of shit happened. Anyways, I really just wrote this one for me. I think the topic of asexuality is really left out of this book series and fandom, understandably so, but I think it would be an interesting subject to discuss, so I’m here to fulfill my own wishes. Given the lore and rules around mates, I don't even know if this could be considered a thing, but I’m gonna try my hardest to make it a thing for my ace baddies out there. IDK if I’m gonna make this a series or not (probably won’t), but maybe see how people like it before making decisions. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to tell me. As always, minors gtfo. Adults, you enjoy!

You’re just finishing up bottling an allergy tonic for your neighbor’s son when the door to your apothecary opens, the bell above ringing out. You know exactly who it is, and you are simultaneously filled with dread and relief. Azriel, your freshly bonded mate, walks into the back room where you are working, his big Illarian boots creaking the floorboards wherever he steps. When you look up to greet him he gives you a soft smile, a smile you return.

You’ve known Azriel for a little over a year now, ever since Mor begged him to come pick up her sleeping tonic from you because she had been busy. But the bond haden’t snapped for either of you until roughly a month ago, when you were out drinking at Rita’s with the inner circle, per Nesta’s invite. Over the years you had grown close with the inner circle, specifically Mor and Nesta. What had started out as small talk when they came to pick up a tonic had blossomed into a beautiful friendship.

But the last thing in the world you had wanted to happen was to form a bond with someone, especially someone as good and sweet and caring as Azriel. Sure, he is beautiful, you of all people can see that, but the physical attraction stops there, like it always does. Emotionally you two are very compatible, sharing similar interests in books, music, and dancing. After the bond had snapped you both decided to take things slowly, moreso for your sake than his. Every day you grow more and more in love with him; you’re just terrified to see the disappointment and confusion in his eyes after you tell him you’re ace.

“Almost ready to go, Love?” Azriel asks, his eyes following the skilled movements of your hands.

“Almost done,” you respond, screwing the cap and writing the label onto the bottle quickly. You buss your wok table, putting away ingredients and empty bottles. You look over everything twice more, checking for anything out of place, but also as a means to stall. You are dreading this conversation.

“Looks good, Love. Want me to grab your coat?” You turn to him, a small smile on your lips, and grab his hand, gently cradling it in yours.

“Actually… Can I talk to you for a minute before we leave? I need to tell you something.”

“Ya, of course,” he squeezes your hand gently, reassuringly. “What’s up?” You take a deep breath and guide him to sit in one of the chairs at your work table, then pull one towards yourself so you're sitting in front of him. You take both his hands in yours. You don’t make eye contact but instead stare at your hands intertwined.

“There’s something I need to tell you about myself and I need you to listen and let me explain before you say anything,” you look up to see him nodding, a look of concern and confusion on his face. The knot in your stomach is twisting. Your anxiety is through the roof, but you take a deep, albeit shaky, breath to steady yourself.

“Okay. I don’t really know how to go about saying this so I’m just gonna say it. I’m asexual, which means I form little to no sexual attraction, in my case none at all, to anyone. Which means the likelihood of me wanting to have sex with you is basically zero. I know it’s kind of a thing for mates to do it all the time, and so I thought since I am the way I am that I would never form a bond with anyone, but I guess I was wrong. And I know you're probably thinking, “well, didn’t the bond snapping make you feel anything like that?” and the answer would be no. Umm…I guess I just want to add and say that I’m not broken, and that life will be a little different with me, and that I know my boundaries, but I’m also willing to try things with you because I love you and trust you… And this doesn’t mean I don't find you attractive, because I do, I think you're really pretty, but it's more in a ‘I want to paint you’ sort of way instead of an ‘I want to fuck you’ sort of way. And I’m rambling so I’m going to stop now.”

Your leg is bouncing up and down, gaze still glued to your entwined hand. A beat of silence passes, and then he squeezes your hands, which in turn makes you look up at him. His eyes are full of understanding and love, emotions you were not expecting to see. You exhale the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, feeling some of your anxiety fade away.

“You think I’m pretty?” he asks, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. You roll your eyes at him, the last of your anxiety washing away. He stands and pulls you up to do the same. He releases one of your hands, using his to brush a rouge strand of hair behind your ear, then pulls you into a tight embrace. You’re taken off guard, but you melt into him, breathing in his crisp, piny scent.

“Thank you for telling me,” he squeezes you tighter. “And I know you said life will be different with you and I want to let you know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you, and I know we can work through any problems we may face. You are perfect. Cauldron boil me if I ever so much as think to change a single thing about you.”

And with that, he releases you from his embrace, you wipe the few tears that had welled at his words, and you go home.

[imagine-that-100]

Chicken Shop Date | Part 9 |

By @imagine-that-100​​ and @alovesreading​​

Description: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Word Count: 38.8k

A/N: SURPRISEEEE!!!! We are so very sorry it's been so long but this is a long chapter so we hope you forgive us! You would have gotten this yesterday but turns out there is a limit on tumblr and we went over it and I wasn't going to post it elsewhere and leave us tumblr lot behind. So sorry for the delay but we're here! This is going to be so so so much fun, we really hope you enjoy it. We adore this chapter and we hope you like it as much as we do. Please let us know what you think, we won't keep you any longer, go enjoy! Thanks so much for reading x

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

| N’s Masterlist | A’s Masterlist |

After the Belfast show, you felt like you were on cloud nine. Matty and you could finally let yourselves be seen together without any worries, and despite not being huge on PDA, it felt so good knowing that you can just be hand in hand with your boyfriend without worrying about being seen by people outside your inner circle. 

The only downside to it all was the fact that the tour was over and you had to go home, only to leave it an hour later. You were not going home with your boyfriend this time, Matty was going back to Manchester with the lads for their Gorilla gig which you were unfortunately missing since your Copenhagen trip was stealing you away for the first three days of the month.

Knowing that you were an hour ahead of him, you made sure to be back from dinner early so that you were in bed and ready to indulge in the madness and properly let yourself react. There was no way you weren’t crying watching the videos people would post. And if you managed to find a livestream like you had for a handful of shows in the US, you knew you’d be an utter mess. 

Seeing the mess of tweets on your timeline had you getting nervous, and instead of letting it all out in the form of multiple distressed tweets, you decided to let it out in the form of a desperate message to your boyfriend: I think you should cancel Gorilla since I won’t be able to attend x

Unfortunately, he didn’t give you the answer you wanted because your phone vibrates less than half a minute later and you can almost hear him giggling as you read his message saying, I’m five minutes away from going on stage baby little bit late for that xx

You can’t stop yourself from scoffing and you know he definitely can picture your reaction when all you reply with is, Don’t care xxx

Matty knows how to get you though, because you bite your tongue when his text comes through and it says, Oh but you do and it’s very cute of you to pretend xxx

The only way you can think of getting him to pity you for missing this is by being entirely honest, so you quickly send, I would have cancelled this trip if I knew when you posted that insta story that it was gonna be a self titled show 😭 xxx

Reading him saying, Don’t worry I’ll play them again for you xxx makes you pout because you want to be in that crowd experiencing it for the first time like everyone else.

It’s not the same but thank you x is your first answer, in instinct, but then you give it a quick thought and your fingers quickly type, But since you so kindly offered I expect to be serenaded, I want candles, I want eye contact, I want my own acoustic set of self titled x

You laugh at yourself like a fool at just the image of that actually happening and so you finish your string of texts by adding, No pressure or anything though xxx

His answer is just, I’ll make a note x and you know exactly the way his face is contorted at his phone, with that smirk that’s almost mocking and his wide eyes framed by lifted brows. 

Thank you xxx you reply, biting your bottom lip, you miss him pathetically so and you wish even harder you were there, not only to experience what’s about to happen but to have him next to you again. After being joined at the hip for a month, it came as a heavy weight on your chest to be away from each other.

That weight gets heavier when you read he’s sent, About to go out baby, hope you’re having a great time with Dimz. Miss you lots, you’re here in spirit xx

Before he goes, you quickly reply, Miss you too!! I suppose I hope it goes amazing 🥺 Don’t fuck the lyrics up you grandad xx

Of course, his response to that is a, I make no promises xx that has you rolling your eyes and chuckling. He follows that with a sweet, I’ll text you after xxx 

Melting further into the bed, you send back a wholehearted, Stop texting me and play the album that made me love your music xx before you go back to Twitter to become part of the collective meltdown.

That last text made it almost impossible for Matty to stop smiling for the whole of the gig. It was an hour and a half of pure joy for him to be playing his first album again in Manchester of all places and he knew that he could come straight back off stage and you would be there for him to talk to about just how much he loved it. 

But the lovely surprise that he got was that his phone had been bombarded with texts already and seeing that they were all from you made him grin like a fool. Even when he opened your messages and he saw the first you send after you bid him goodbye made him laugh out loud. 

I’ve just found a link to a livestream and I can wholeheartedly say: I hate you.

You didn’t tell me you were putting a fucking box out from the self titled era. I hate you.

No. No. No. 

Something inside him aches when he reads another of your first spamming of messages. 

It’s like I’ve travelled back in time to your 2014 show but I’m not there to see it in person like I was back then, what the fuck Matty?!?!?!!!? 

It makes him wish that he found you back then. That you could have been together for so much longer than you currently have been. All he wants is more time with you and he already can’t wait to see you again. Even though you might be a little upset with him after how you’ve described his show. 

This is a cruel form of torture. 

Matty finds himself snorting when he reads one that came in just moments after the last, Why wouldn’t you professionally stream this you twat.

It’s a good idea from you to be fair. It makes him think that he should have actually done it to raise more money for War Child, especially since the whole show was being professionally recorded for the band's sake anyway. 

Before he can scold himself too much he reads your next text which again has the curly haired singer laughing out loud when he sees: I’m crying to fucking MONEY. The hold you have over me is insane. 

He can picture you crying to that song, probably as you try to sing along as well, and the scene he’s got in his head just makes it harder for him to stop laughing. In between giggles and half lidded eyes, he continues reading the following texts.

Did you really just get the lyrics wrong to talk you fucking muppet. It’s the easiest song you have. WHY DO YOU TALK SO LOUD!!! 

He knows for a fact he will hear shit from you on that front because he knows that tonight he was bad with the lyrics. But he will argue that he can’t be expected to remember them all when he’s getting older and he has more banging tunes in his repertoire to remember these days. And he hasn’t listened to self titled properly in full since the album listening party on twitter back in 2020 weeks before Notes came out. 

There must have been a small gap where you actually watched the stream you found, as you don’t send anything about Sex or Chocolate despite them being absolute bangers (if he does say so himself). He has no doubt you were either grinning like a fool as you sang along or probably crying and singing along if your earlier messages were anything to go by. 

Heart Out is still a fuckin bop, it’s awful it’s not on the setlist permanently.

That one has him smiling, but he’s grinning like a fucking moron in response to the next song on the setlist. He can practically hear you saying the following messages he received like you are in the room with him. 

Settle fucking Down. Holy shit Matthew! 

Still remember being so confused when the video to this first came out, I had no fucking clue what was going on but christ it’s such a good song I don’t care. 

Matty can’t help but find that one funny because there was definitely a vision for it that not everyone got but it made sense to him so he just ran with it. But it’s your next few messages that have him shaking his head trying not to grin at his phone like a fool.

You better do that high note!!

Do that fucking high note you slut!!!!

YASSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m crying again. Over a fucking high note. I need mental help. 

If you don’t wanna be with me after this I understand but you needed to know at some point how deep this obsession for your music ran. 

No I can’t handle Robbers right now you dick why would you do this to me?!!!???!

As endearing as he finds the warning of your obsession and his get out of jail free card, it wasn’t as if he didn’t already know what he was in for. You have a tattoo already showcasing that love for his music and he’d seen the way you lit up even during his soundchecks when it was practically just you in the audience and even then you looked like you were having the time of your life listening to his music. 

And it wasn't as if you don’t tell each other you’re obsessed with each other anyway. Matty knows what he’s in for and he’s certain nothing could scare him off at this point. 

Not when all his chest can do is ache with longing to speak to you when he reads your next chunk of messages.

I’m at she way out and I’m still crying 

Play this song more often!

Menswear goddddd!!! 

Did you know I’ve had an amaretto at every wedding I’ve attended in the last ten years because of this song? 

You’ve cost me so much money. And that’s not including your tickets and your merch. 

Matty chuckles at those but even more so when he realises the album must have finished and in response to that you decided to inform him.

I’m depressed now. What are you going to do about it??? 

But clearly you’re cured by the time he starts playing the next song because you’re even virtually singing along and he can practically feel the way you screamed it at your phone as you pressed send. 

SELLING PETROLLLLLLLLL

But then you clearly have a giggle with yourself as immediately after you were scolding him.

Your fave essential oil lmfao 

You’re an idiot for not knowing what an essential oil is.

The singer vaguely remembers the interview you're referencing. The miscommunication with an American somehow got him in the shit with fans at the time and clearly now with you which is almost unfair when the woman interviewing him didn’t even know what petrol was… So much for being a fan of his band when petrol is a literal lyric.

Your next few messages make him smile and his heart skip a beat. He really should have asked you to film yourself reacting to the whole gig because imagining your face when reading each message wasn’t enough.

Happiness slaps every damn time, you put something in that song I swear. 

And he can’t help but smirk at the compliment, and his smirk only gets bigger when he reads the next text. 

Definitely like you better when you take off your clothes 😜 

The heat that rushes through him is exchanged for amusement when his gaze falls on your next text and the laugh that escapes his lips is uncontrollable. 

BE MY MISTAKE AFTER ALL OF THIS ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING!!!!!!!!!

Prepare for a slap the next time I see you. I’m crying again. 

He imagines the slap will be even harder when he reads what you’ve spammed him with barely 15 minutes ago.

NOT ABOUT YOU 

MATTHEW TIMOTHY HEALY 

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

Well the tears are streaming now well done. Hope you're happy.

You can’t leave it there. 

Are you kidding?????? 

Ending on about you?!??!?!?!!! After self-titled in full??!?!?! You’ve murdered a nation.

Hate you x

Matty snorts at that one. He knows you don’t mean it though because your next message is too kind and he can’t stop smiling at his phone.

Christ I hope you left your phone backstage lollll sorryyyyy xxxx 

Message me when you can xx Really proud of you xxx

Reading that makes his heart swell an embarrassing amount. It’s certain he goes all gooey inside, the buzz from getting off stage sweetened by the rush of joy that hearing from you causes him. 

Of course he thanks you and he apologises for upsetting you, and when you tell him not to he just apologises again to get a rise out of you, loving that you’re so easy to wind up. You tell him how much you loved it but you’re more keen to know if he enjoyed it.

He tells you that he did, but it doesn’t put a patch on the banquet records gig where he spotted you in the crowd and he told you that he missed having you there. 

Matty texts you on and off for the next hour, starting off with you telling him that you’d enjoyed the set but obviously he wanted to leave you to your fun with Amelia, so he tried not to bother you too much. And knowing that you were an hour ahead of him in Copenhagen meant that he knew you needed to get some sleep soon. 

That being said he couldn’t deny himself a bit longer talking to you whilst you were still coherent. He wishes he could ring you and hear your voice but people weren’t even leaving him alone to text you. He asked you how your night had been knowing you had your first brand event to be at this evening. 

You tell him how fun it was, and admit that you felt imposter syndrome takeover again but somehow managed to not let that become too unmanageable so it didn’t ruin your night. He could practically picture everything as you explained about how they had everyone congregate for a sit down meal, all of you wearing some of the brands new line of clothes so you could help them promote it, and how it was a lot of fun having free cocktails and food with your best friend and your stylist before coming back a bit early so you could catch the livestream. 

As Matty was chatting to you, he got another text from a number that was yet to be saved to his phone. It was curiosity alone by the image he could see that was attached to it that led him to click on it. And thank Christ he did. 

It turns out Amelia had acquired his phone number, probably from you at some point. But this was the first he was hearing from her and he’s glad he did because she was giving him such glorious content. Opening the text, Matty chuckles when he reads, 

I think I deserve compensation for you and your silly box band for having my best friend like this for the 7474526273743rd time!!!!!!!!!!

And yes she’s drunk

The picture of you that she’s sent makes him giggle. You’re sitting cross-legged on the bed with your laptop just in front of you, in one hand you’re holding an almost empty glass of red wine and the other is wiping away your evident tears from your cheeks. 

Matty giggles seeing that, but his heart goes out to you simultaneously because he of course doesn’t ever want to make you upset. However, Amelia is clearly the one that needs the next text.

I can arrange compensation for you 

Her reply doesn’t even take 10 seconds to come through.

Does that compensation have a first and last name??? Thinking beginning with R and M?????

The singer genuinely has to pause for a second there. That’s again another time someone has started pining for Ross and the maths isn’t quite mathsing in his head. People really like Ross this much?

Regardless, Matty quickly types back, Okay stop thirsting, your best friend is drunk

Her reply is again fast, but this time instead of confusing him it makes him grin like a lunatic, 🙄 Yeah I’m well aware, she can’t stop yapping about you

He feels all fuzzy inside at the mere thought of making you happy when you talk to each other. And the fact you tell your best friend about him just makes him think that he’s doing everything right. He feels like he definitely is, because he’s certain he would have heard from Amelia before now if he hadn’t.

Matty ends up responding cockily, Thought you’d be used to that by now?, before he adds your best friend as a contact and names her Dimz. 

It somehow has gotten worse, Matty reads her reply come through as he’s searching for the chicken emoji to put next to her name.

He can’t help but snort, Who would’ve thought????

After going back to chat to you for a little longer, Matty realises the car that's dropping him off is close to home now, not even two minutes away and when he tells you this, you decide that it’s time to bid each other goodnight. You tell him to send his family your love and you both promise to phone each other when you get up the following morning to properly catch up. 

It’s difficult not to carry on texting you when he makes it inside his childhood home. He’s so used to chatting to you before you go to sleep after the last month of being on tour together that it's a little strange for him. 

He stays awake chatting to his Mum and Lincoln for a little while before he heads upstairs knackered now after a long day of socialising and entertaining. He briefly sends some memes off to the group chat as he gets himself ready for bed before he sees in his notifications centre that he’s missed another text.

It’s from Amelia again and she only sent it 15 minutes ago, so the singer quickly taps on it as he gets himself into bed. 

Had to take her out to console her with her favourite coffee… 

Seeing the photo that she’s sent, Matty genuinely thinks his heart may burst out of his chest. He sends off a gooey response of love heart emojis back but after that he’s transfixed at the sight of you. 

In the picture you're laughing holding your coffee but you’ve managed to somehow get the whipped cream on your nose. The sight is adorable, you’re so cute and you easily have Matty’s heart longing for you, his pulse racing at the thought of being close to you again and making you laugh like that in person. 

It’s probably not good for his heart, getting into a relationship again when he’s due out on such a big world tour. Missing you is going to hurt him more than he could probably cope, but the moments with you are so worth the brief pain of not being with you for a bit. 

Looking at this picture of you, he can’t help but let his imagination run wild. Making you laugh and giggle like this in person on all the dates he’ll take you on in the future. He can picture you holding your drink with a diamond adorning your left ring finger too as you hold up your cup, and he’d take pride in knowing one day soon he’d get to marry the girl he loves.

He loves you.

God, he loves you so damn much. 

And it only dawns on him just how much as he stares at this picture of you giggling with whipped cream smeared on your nose. Obsessed truly isn’t the word anymore, he’s well and truly head over heels for you. 

Matty saves the picture in a heartbeat and quickly makes the picture his lockscreen so he can be reminded just how in love he is everytime he looks at his phone. And Matty falls asleep grinning like an absolute fool at the picture of his girlfriend knowing he’s deeply and madly in love with her. 

~*~*~*~

Your phone rings alive and startles you out of the conversation you were having with Amelia as you waited right by your gate. When you check the screen to see who’s calling, you smile and feel your insides be coated with the familiar warmth that your boyfriend brings to you whenever he’s mentioned, or when something reminds you of him, or he calls or texts you.

“Hey Matty.” You answer quickly, a big grin on your face that he can picture just from the pitch of your voice. 

He matches it, and his smile reaches his eyes as he greets you softly, “Heya baby, how are you doing? Hope you’ve had a nice last morning.” Amelia rolls her eyes and fakes a muted gag before going to her phone when she hears it’s your boyfriend calling you, it makes you snort.

“I’m okay, thank you. And yesss, it’s been good.” Remembering the lovely time you’ve had in Copenhagen makes your smile the tiniest bit bigger but then you remember the time difference and you’re frowning, “But why are you awake so early?” 

It’s merely an hour behind that he’s at but you know he appreciates sleeping in in the morning, just as you do, so you thought he’d still be asleep hence why you’d sent him a quick text that read, At our gate waiting to board! See you soon baby xx which he had yet to reply. 

Your frown dissipates and you’re left smiling like a fool again when his words, laced with sweetness, come to the admission of, “I get to see you in a few hours. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Stop it.” You let out automatically, your cheeks starting to heat up and hurt from how big you’re smiling. 

Matty doesn’t help your case trying to seem cool when he chats back with a smooth, “It’s the truth.” He’d seen your message come through and suddenly the day was perfect already.

You can see him shrugging and offering you one of his nonchalant smiles, and your heart squeezes in your chest picturing him with his face puffy from sleep and his curls messy, tired eyes trying to stay open and that loopy smile he gives you whenever you wake up beside him. 

“I hope you went to sleep early then.” You bargain for that, trying to feel less bad about him being up this early to check on you, or worse woken up by your text.

He hums softly in confirmation, “Accidentally did actually, weed knocked me out.” 

“Well I’m glad you got some sleep at least, but don’t wake up on my account.” He’s your boyfriend and all but you were still going to text him when you were boarding and when you landed so that he wouldn’t worry, he really didn’t need to cut his sleep short for you.

“Hush now,” He waves you off lightheartedly, “What’s your flight number and what time are you due back?”

“Due in at Heathrow at 11:25am,” You reply easily but a thought sparks in your mind and you giggle to yourself before you correct your actions, “One sec, let me actually send you a pic of the board because I know you’ll forget.”

“Okay, thank you baby.” He finds himself stupidly swooning over how easy it has been for you to pick up on his habits, the good and the bad. “I’ll pick you and Dimz up - and if it’s okay with you after we’ve dropped Dimz off we can head back to yours?”

His suggestion warms your heart but you really don’t want to be a burden so you easily reply, “You don’t have to get us, Matty, it’s okay. We can get a taxi.”

“No, I want to and I want to see you.” It’s not like he was asking if he should pick you up, he already was going to do that. He was just trying to suggest you two go back to your flat considering how much comfort that would bring compared to going back to his house after a month away from home. “Dimz too, obviously, but I wanna see you and I bet you are dying to sleep in your own bed again after a month away.”

“God, I really am.” Just picturing falling back into your own bed sounds so heavenly, your words come out in a softened moan that amuses him, and it’s when you add, “Might be more excited for that than to see you.” that he actually giggles.

“Oh, I see how it is.” 

“I’m joking, I’m joking.” You quickly say to take it back but Matty knows you actually meant it and he finds it so endearing. 

“You’re not and that’s fine.” He corrects you and the giggle that accompanies it soothes you that he can read you so easily.

With a sigh, you let out, “You know me scarily well.”

And it has him proudly adding, “Well you are my girlfriend. I intend to find every last detail about you, and you loving your sleep seems like a big part of your day.”

“Yep, now you know why your date was at two o’clock.” It’s probably the time of the day that has you admitting that, even though you know it might’ve been embarrassing to admit that before, it feels right to just share your train of thought back then. 

He hums softly, taking a few seconds to do a bit of maths in his head about how your day must’ve been leading up to the date, “Still must have got up pretty early if you got up and did your make up and trekked it all the way from Brixton to over my way and to set up and everything by two.” His brows raised when he reached his conclusion, knowing the effort it must’ve taken for you to wake up that early for it all, “You must’ve got up at like ten, maybe nine and that’s early for you.”

“I actually couldn’t sleep properly the night before our date so I think I got up around six.” It's almost like in a whisper that you admit that, and you giggle at the soft gasp he lets out.

“Six o’clock?! Wow baby you really must’ve been tired that day.” 

He hears you hesitate when you think back to that day, only being able to remember how it all started and your heart grows in size in your chest, “Nothing you didn’t wake me up from when you asked for that fucking kiss.”

“Hey, if I hadn't asked for that kiss then we wouldn’t be talking right now.” He quips back in a heartbeat, and he takes a moment to think back to that day with pride and so much appreciation for everything you’ve shared of yourself with him since then.

“Never said I didn’t appreciate the kiss.” It’s the first thing you say, just to clear up because there’s not one kiss of his that you’d never appreciate. And then you continue, “I just preferred the one outside where there weren’t any cameras or anyone else watching me kiss the guy who was my lockscreen for almost five years.”

Matty smirks when he hears that, but he plays on the past tense of your statement to tease you, “I best be your lockscreen again.” 

“My lockscreen is actually a picture of Ross from the gorilla gig.” You quickly reply, lying with ease to taunt him back.

And you have to bite your bottom lip to swallow a laugh when his voice drops to an unimpressed tone when he says, “You better be joking.”

You don’t relent in your effort to give him a taste of his own medicine and, nonchalantly, continue adding to your bluff, “Nope, he looked so good.” 

The only answer your boyfriend can give you is an ultimatum that makes you laugh, “You have until you get home to change it.”

But you play into his petition by asking him, “What would you prefer it to be?”

“I don’t know, a picture of us maybe or just one of me.” You shake your head and roll your eyes to yourself when he says that, knowing that if he was beside you and he’d seen Ross as your lockscreen, he would’ve taken multiple selfies in that very moment and chosen his favourite to replace his best friend.

You hum as if you’re deliberating whether or not that being a good call, eventually you come back to him with, “Ames will call me a simp.”

To which he wastes no time to answer, firm conviction when he says, “And you are one. You’re obsessed with me, remember?” 

“Mmm yeah, I guess I am.” You give into him, this game that you always get in with him giving you an endless rumble of butterflies in your belly that makes you wanna giggle. “Guess I’ll change it.” You end up giving in, a tone in your voice that tells him you’re being kind making that decision.

He overlooks the sassiness in your voice to comment, “Good because you’ve been my home and lockscreen for a while.” knowing that it would bring you out of your jokey state. 

Though, you still are in it because you chuckle and reply to that with a mocking, “Lucky you getting to see my ugly mug every time you’re on your phone.”

“Shut up.” He calls you out almost hissing under his breath, “You’re gorgeous. You’re everything.” There’s something laced around the last word he lets out and Amelia finally lifts her head up when she sees you dramatically letting your head fall back on the seat and you clearly flustered at whatever your boyfriend has just said. She squints when she sees the glimmering of your eyes being a product of the tears starting to pool in your eyes. 

Matty hears you sigh heavily and he’s the one to melt completely when you say, “Don’t make me cry this early in the morning, Matty.” A call for him to have mercy on your heart. You can’t believe he has you acting like this in the morning in the middle of the airport.

Amelia takes the chance to chip into the conversation, even though she can’t hear Matty, and she leans into your side so she can loudly say into the speakers of your phone, “Please don’t. You know what she’s like when she’s overtired.”

You roll your eyes at your best friend but she flips you off as she sits back straight, not managing to listen to Matty replying with a, “I do, indeed.” followed by him talking to you directly afterwards, “You best sleep on the plane, baby.” 

“I’ll try.” You halfheartedly promise. It’s only a 2 hour flight back so you don’t know if you’ll be able to catch sleep that quickly after boarding, and if you do, you’re afraid you’ll wake up all grumpy from only getting a fleeting rest.

“Okay, I’ll let you go now then.” Matty offers you softly, and knowing then that you’re so soon due back beside him makes his heart squeeze in his chest, “Can’t wait to see you soon baby, I’ve missed you.”

This time, you just can’t hold in your stupid little giggles and they slip through as you reciprocate, “Me too. See you soon, baby.”

Every minute that passed after the call ended felt infinite to Matty. It was like the seconds elongated cruelly and he couldn’t stop fidgeting around his house whilst he waited for the clock to strike a time that was logical for him to set off to get you and Amelia. 

It got even worse when he got there and he waited outside with a cigarette between his lips, hoping that every drag would soothe him while he eagerly waited for you to walk out. Hoodie up to hide his curls and sunglasses on the bridge of his nose to not garner any attention. Thank god it worked because everyone seemed to pass by completely ignoring him and he could peacefully settle where he was standing for a bit. The relief Matty felt when he watched your plane land on the tracker though was like nothing else, it would only be a short while before he got to be with you again. 

The feeling that washes over you when you walk out of the arrivals doors and Matty sees you is indescribable. The smirk he offers you makes the feeling increase tenfold inside you and fills you with warmth when he walks closer to you and Amelia and you hear him greet you with a cheeky, “Hello you.” over the noise of your cases rolling on the pavement beside you.

“Hiya baby.” You greet back with a loopy smile on your face, you feel your face heat up and the tips of your fingers tingle with the need to trap him in a tight hug.

“Dimz.” Matty says to your best friend who’s smiling beside you, a tilt of his chin in acknowledgement.

“Hello Matthew.” Amelia replies and she comically and dramatically runs to hug your boyfriend before you can.

You watch her case roll away slightly as she lets go of it and you hear the soft ‘oof’ Matty lets out when Amelia crashes on his chest but he still wraps his arms around her shoulders and sweetly clutches her to him. He keeps his eyes open and his smirk is still stuck on his face as he embraces your best friend so you slowly finish walking up to them and say, “Alright then, I see how it is.”

A giggle escapes you when he reaches one of his arms out and grabs your wrist to pull you in and includes you in the hug with a breathy “Get in here.” that he says in between a chuckle. You find yourself letting go of your case too and wrapping your arms around the two people in front of you.

Being so close to him, you can smell his scent again and you’ve never been more relieved to be drowning in the smell of cigarettes mixed with a hint of weed and his aftershave. It lights up your face, your grin only getting bigger when you’re met with his face merely inches away from yours, “Hi.” 

“Hi.” Matty says back and he leans over Amelia’s shoulder to close the distance and trap your lips in a quick kiss. 

You only get to relish in the feeling of his lips on yours again for a split second because when you lean back and your lips separate with a soft smack, Amelia is pushing herself away from you both and dramatically gagging. 

She scowls jokingly at you two, and acts like she’s fed up with the PDA, “You’re sickly cute, it’s annoying.” You know she’s joking and it makes you snort in laughter, Matty only smirks harder beside you as he snakes his arm around your waist and pulls you in close to his side.

Welcoming the feeling of his body melting against yours, you let your head fall on his shoulder and pucker your lips to drop a chaste kiss on his jaw just before he says, “Lucky I’m dropping you off at home Dimz, because it’s only gonna get worse.”

Amelia sighs but she sees on your face how hard you’re trying not to actually throw yourself on your boyfriend, so she calls Matty out to taunt you, “Hug your girlfriend properly, she’s missed you.”

Matty coos and, pressing his lips to your forehead, his lips brush against your skin when he asks, “You missed me baby?”

You feel your face heat up thanks to Amelia so easily exposing you but you know you can’t play it cool and try to hide it from your boyfriend so you pathetically mumble, “Always.” in response.

Just hearing the subtle despair seeping through your voice makes him quickly turn on his heels to properly crush you in a hug that you two so desperately had been needing. Your arms wrap around his neck and his go around your waist, fingers digging into your flesh as if he was preventing anyone coming and snatching you away from him. 

It’s clear what it is and you feel it just the same, your fingers coming up the back of his neck and you feel the goosebumps rising on his skin before your fingers get lost in his curls and you hum in bliss when having that feeling back. Barely a few days had gone by since you last saw him but god did you miss him. Your nose brushes the stubble growing on his face, and you feel his lips brushing the skin of your neck almost teasingly before he leaves a trail of pecks up your neck until he reaches your ear. You inhale deeply at the tingles that rush down your spine, thinking about how you don’t want to be anywhere else but here. In his arms. For as long as you can.

“Did you sleep on the plane?” He whispers in your ear and you have no idea if you want to laugh or cry at the fact that he knows just what to ask.

Sheepishly, you shake your head and mumble, “Nope…” 

And with that answer, Matty slowly pulls back to look at you and, as if it is the only important thing in the world, he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear and says, “God, let’s get you home to bed.”

~*~*~*~

Dropping your best friend off was quick and easy, and it left you and Matty to enjoy the rest of the trip back to yours. He left your heart warm even in the quiet moments when he did nothing but hum along to the tunes the radio was playing and rest his warm hand on your thigh. It’s silly how such small details could make you so happy but by god you really are.

The second your flat's door is unlocked, you come in followed by Matty and you all but run to your room. Dropping your stuff by the threshold of your room, you go straight to the bathroom and take a much needed shower. It feels so nice being back home and feeling the warm water rain down on you in the comfort of your own space is so soothing.  

When you come out, you find your boyfriend already waiting for you to get in bed so you quickly change into an oversized top (which is definitely Matty’s) and a pair of joggers (which you also stole from him), and blow dry your hair in a hurry to finally throw yourself in bed with him five minutes later. 

The moan of pleasure you let out at the comfort of your own mattress and being wrapped in your boyfriend's arms makes Matty chuckle. 

“This is heavenly.” You mumble against his chest, which is bare since he shed himself of it as well as his hoodie, and he clutches you even tighter to him.

“I know.” Matty agrees, letting his head rest atop of yours and he leaves a kiss there before whispering, “Finally.”

The breath of relief he lets out matches yours, and you let your eyes flutter close as a smile breaks out on your face. It just feels so right and you feel the way you just melt into the bed and his hold. The heat he exudes so familiar and just what you’d been craving all along. 

You’ve got no grasp on time or reality when you peel your eyes open again. The only thing you know is that you had squirmed in your place and subconsciously wanted to nuzzle into your boyfriend’s neck only to find your cheek squished against your pillow and the other half of the bed empty. 

Blinking your eyes repeatedly, it takes you about half a minute to come to your senses and sit up to look around your room. It’s when you’re squinting to see if his hoodie is still on the floor where he dropped it earlier that you hear a sound coming from your kitchen and you spring up quickly to head over there. Of course, not before snatching his hoodie from the floor and putting it on you, letting the fabric swallow you comfortably. 

Your bare feet softly and quietly pad through the hallway until you get to the kitchen and there you find him, with his shirt back on (unfortunately) and his back to you as he stirs something in a pot. The smell of cooked chicken fills the room and when you walk up to him and snake your arms around his waist from behind, you can see he’s made chicken alfredo. 

He tenses up for a second before he relaxes again and it makes you giggle before you compliment, “Oooo… Looks delicious, baby.” It also smells delicious and you’re bathed in this warm feeling that makes you wanna kiss him all over, so you leave a trail of kisses from his shoulder going up his neck until you go on your tiptoes to smack the last one on his cheek. “Thank you.”

Matty hums in response, that smile of his tugging at the corners of his mouth and it makes you smile just as big. He lets his head tilt to the side so it knocks into yours and he can’t help but feel all gooey inside when you hug him that bit tighter.

He turns off the hob and allows himself to glance at you as you walk over to the fridge. When you open it, you let out a soft gasp seeing it far different from how you left it back at the start of the year when he convinced you to join him on tour. It’s full, you giggle like an idiot when you see the cans of Tango lined up on one of the shelves and in the freezer you can see he’s gotten you a few tubs of your favourite ice cream.

“Thought I’d go to the shops for you whilst you rested.” Matty comments sweetly and a bit shyly. 

In an instant, you’re almost leaping towards him and crushing him in a hug. A hug that lasts a mere few seconds because you pull back and cup his face with your hands to trap him in a dizzying kiss that he welcomes gracefully. His hands coming to cup your arse and squeezing it makes you laugh so you break the kiss, and he takes advantage of the way you throw your head back in laughter to drop a bunch of kisses up your exposed throat. 

One last peck is left on your lips before your boyfriend pats your arse and instructs, “Take a seat for me, baby. Food is ready.”

The grin on your face grows even more and the apples of your cheeks start to hurt when you occupy one of the chairs in your kitchen. You watch attentively as he walks around the place so smoothly. He gets a pair of plates and then walks over to the fridge to get you a can of Tango, cracking it open before setting it in front of you and he doesn’t pass the opportunity of getting another kiss from you after you thank him for the drink.

His tongue sticks out slightly as he plates his creation and you bite your bottom lip as to not giggle when you see him puff his chest out at the sight of what he’s made for you. Matty gets cutlery for the both of you and brings the two plates over to the table. 

“Thank you baby.” You say sweetly when he places the plate in front of you, carefully getting the fork and knife from him and you wait until he settles on his own seat before digging in. 

Your eyes roll back and you let out a moan at the taste of the first forkful of pasta you get, and the pride in his face makes him look absolutely stunning. With a hand over your mouth, you swallow and let him know just how delicious it is, “This is so fucking good.”

Matty hums proudly and he digs in himself. He feels your gaze on him, waiting for him to agree on how good he’s done and when he swallows the bite he’s taken, he matches your smile, “I did pretty fucking good, didn’t I?”

The laugh that elicits from you is music to your boyfriend’s ears and he’s beaming at you as you say, “You really did.”

After that, you fall into conversation and, despite being at yours and the setting being so mundane, you find yourself thinking about how much this feels like a date and you fucking love it. 

You love being like this with him and finding the different aspects of him, and getting a taste of the sweet things he does for you makes your heart swell in your chest. Especially when he tells you just what he got you from the shops and you want to throw yourself at him and kiss every inch of his face when he tells you that you’d yet to see he’d gotten your favourite snacks. 

Time continues to pass as you talk about everything and nothing, gossiping and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. The more the clock ticks, the more you find yourself thinking about how you could get used to having this forever. And it’s not as terrifying as it might’ve been before, now it’s exciting and it’s almost like you’re impatient for the rest that’s to come. 

It's warm and tender talking to him, and the both of you seem to not be able to stray too far from physical contact either because your legs are hooked around each other underneath the table and you're holding each other's hand across the table. At one point you can’t not take a picture of his hand beside his drink that he was clearly finished with because he put his fag dimp in it. You can’t really believe that the man with dad tattooed on his wrist is actually your boyfriend now, it still shocks you when you think about how long you’ve admired this man from afar and now he’s all yours. 

When you’re done eating, Matty suggests going out for a walk, thinking you might want some fresh air and maybe let out some of the energy you might now have after the rest you got. But it’s cold outside and, despite him mentioning that he has a spliff to share, you don’t wanna leave this bubble that you’re in with him. So you shrug it off and instead mention how you don’t mind smoking weed inside and it becomes a plan then, going back to your room and getting high together in bed. 

Considering he’s cooked for you and done your shopping, you offer to take care of the dishes and he reluctantly lets you while he cleans the table and gets you two the snacks you want to take with you. Once you do your bit and put everything in the dishwasher, you and Matty head back into your room. You’re both just feeling overly affectionate and cuddly with each other so it’s no surprise when you end up in each other's arms again. This time though, you don’t end up falling asleep, no instead you end up chatting each other's ears off. 

At some point, you’re not really sure how long passed before you got up and took the both of you a drink. But when you come back, instead of lying down beside him again, you lie across your bed and rest your head at the bottom of his stomach. 

“Tell me something I don’t know about you yet?” His words are just as delicate as his touch, his right hand, with which he’d just lit the spliff alive a minute ago, threaded through your hair and softly brushed it back and over his stomach. 

You let the drag you’d taken relax you even further by letting your eyes flutter close but you still enthusiastically try to get more of what he’s saying, “Oooo… like what?”

His sharp inhale reaches your ears and you smell the smoke lingering in the air as he throws a bunch of questions out, “Anything? What was your first pet called? Your first job? What crazy stuff did you and Amelia get up to in high school?” 

Pinning each question inside your mind, you open your eyes and reach up your hand for the joint, bringing it to your lips leisurely and taking a slow drag. You let it swirl inside your mouth and down the back of your throat for a few seconds before exhaling the smoke upwards, a blanket of bliss brought by the weed enveloping you nicely and it makes you smile as you answer, “First pets were goldfish I proudly won at a fair when I was little and I called them both Tom and Jerry.”

A short, but amused, “Nice.” is what you get from Matty and it makes you giggle, you pass him the spliff back and let your hands clasp together over your stomach.

You still show your pride at the chosen names for your (now very dead) goldfish, being smug when adding, “I know right. I loved that programme as a kid.” 

Matty hums in agreement, “It was a gooden.”

And then you remember the rest of the questions so you continue answering with ease, “My first job was in a cafe. Worked way too young.” He feels you shake your head on his stomach, your hair tickling his skin that’s showing as his shirt ridden up. “I worked cash in hand at fifteen so not even allowed to legally work. I stayed there for a while until I was eighteen then I went and worked in a bar but I hated it and I quit after three weeks by handing my boss a post it note that read ‘I quit’ with a little smiley face on it.”

A soft gasp comes from your boyfriend and it makes your smirk bigger, “No you didn’t…”

“I did.” You assure, proudly. You’d never been prouder of yourself than back then, and it had been so relieving to gain the courage and finally make that decision because that job made you absolutely miserable.

Matty chortles at the joy on your face when recounting the story but he’s still curious, “You’re so funny, what did your boss say? What did they do?” 

You shrug nonchalantly, much different to how you felt back then, and answered his questions, “They knew I hated it but they were very kind to me and took it and let me leave without giving notice.”

“That’s nice of them.” He points out, elated for your past self having had an easy time with that situation.

With a nod, you agree, “Yeah they were really nice.” You watch as he takes another drag of the joint, and after flicking the ashes on the ashtray he had placed on your bedside table, he hands it to you just as you’re trying to think of the answer to his last question.

“As far as crazy shit me and Ames got up to, it wasn’t interesting.” There’s no insanely crazy and out of hand story that comes to your mind, and you have to remain in silence and think about it really hard to remember something slightly crazy in your boyfriend’s standards. Inhaling a bit of smoke clears your memories up and you smile thinking about a memory that was now incredibly funny to you, “There was a house party once that ended up with flashing blue lights and everyone had to run home before we got caught underaged drinking.”

Curiosity shines on his face, he perks up atop of your pillows and rushes you to continue with an eager, “Do tell.”

You chuckle at his impatience and get right into your story, “We were at our friends house, I’d say we were fifteen, maybe sixteen, and it was a really good party, I think it was just for the girl’s birthday or whatever but that doesn’t really matter. It ended in disaster though when one of the girls who clearly couldn’t handle her alcohol tripped and went head first through the glass sliding doors.”

His loud gasp and the quick, “No.” that he let out in response makes you laugh even harder, squirming on his stomach and making him smile at the way your hair tickles his sides.

With a nod and taunting wide eyes, you continue after taking another drag before handing the spliff back to him, “Yes, and it was all Amelia's fault. Because this lightweight had spotted Ames having her first kiss outside and she ran to tell us and as she was running back to the back door she tripped and went straight through it. Turns out Amelia and this lad obviously closed the door so they could have some privacy but that turned into a scene from Casualty and I had to deal with a fuming best friend because she had her first kiss ruined and we all had to run home.”

“How selfish of the girl to purposely ruinthat for her.” Matty chuckles sarcastically, your head rising and falling a little as he laughs picturing your best friend being selfishly fuming.

You play along, holding your giggle but Matty can see and hear just how big your smile is, “I know right.”

“What were you doing as she was kissing her man?” Your boyfriend asks curiously, spliff held right by his parted lips but not closing around the filter just yet because his inquiries were more important to let out than taking a puff, “Who were you kissing?”

“Oh no I was inside talking to our friend’s Mum eating pizza.” You snort out in laughter faintly remembering that happening, but despite the weed making everything feel light and feathery, your amusement is still brief and the corners of your lips fall to turn your smile into a flat line, “I didn’t have my first kiss until I was nineteen.”

“Nineteen?” Matty’s eyes go a little wide in surprise, “Really?” He’s just a little confused because you’re so beautiful, and Amelia has shown him pictures of you when you were younger and you were just as pretty back then. How no one would have snapped you up he really doesn’t understand. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. 

“Yep,” You sigh, thinking back to it, “Perks of spending most of my teens struggling to figure out if I really liked boys and girls, and worrying that if I was ever caught kissing a girl someone would tell on me and I’d have to come out before I even truly figured it out myself.”

He has to take a few seconds to process what you’ve just said and his heart squeezes in his chest when thinking about you feeling trapped in such a dilemma when being your true self should’ve been always the obvious choice. He gets it though, it’s all easier said than done so he nods with a soft smile on his face as he looks down at you, “Completely fair enough baby.”

It wasn’t your intention to make things serious all of the sudden, though you know it is a piece of information that your boyfriend should know to know you even better, but you find yourself coming back around to what had come up before your bisexual trauma piece and you smirk as you carefully pick your words to get his curiosity rising once more, “Funny story, my first kiss was your fault.”

He frowns a little, “My fault?”

“Yep, it happened at your show.” You explain and chuckle seeing Matty looks absolutely dumbfounded. He makes you chuckle as you continue, “Yeah so there was a cute guy as I was in the pit for your show and we were chatting and flirting a little as we were waiting for you to come on.”

You make sure to turn your head to the side to look him straight in the eye when you get to the interesting part, wanting to perfectly see his reaction to the story, “Then you came out and everything was fine, I was loving it. And I think it was before you performed Sex you said ‘if you wanna get off with someone whilst you're here, this is your moment’ and once you’d started we sorta looked at each other all coyly before he kissed me. Was amazing, so yeah thank you for that.”

There’s a long few beats of silence that go by and you're left holding your breath and pressing your lips together not to burst out laughing. The only noise you hear is the burning of the spliff as he takes a long drag, his cheeks hollowing and a frown on his face when he holds the smoke in the back of his throat for a few seconds before exhaling. He then breaks the silence by letting out a mumbled, “I have no words.” that let his disbelief shine through pretty obviously.

“Shut up.” You say in between giggles, you shake from the laughter over him and your cheek is left pressed over his We Are Kings tattoo, which is peeking from the bottom of his shirt, the hair that adorns his lower stomach tickling your skin.

It’s almost like your boyfriend can’t stop himself when he quickly follows up with an important question, “Did you get with him?”

To his relief, you shake your head and shrug nonchalantly, clearly showing how little you actually cared about it other than the experience having been fun and very on brand for you. “Nope, never saw him again after that night. Never even caught his name.”

Almost like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, Matty sighs, but he still frowns as he admits the burning feeling scorching his insides and leaving a slight bitter taste in his mouth, “I feel like I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am?”

You can’t take him seriously though, so you cackle loudly, letting your head turn back so you lie there facing up to the ceiling. Only once you managed to control your laughter, you poke him on his side and call out a mocking, “Oh shut up.” before plucking the joint from his fingers and bringing it to your lips. 

The next few minutes are spent leisurely smoking after having fallen in a comfortable silence. The smoke lingering in the air over you like a warm fog that only had you two sinking further into the mattress, the warmth that your skin touching exudes is heightened under the influence of the weed, and the feeling of his fingers carefully brushing through your hair makes you hum in utter bliss. 

Like a film reel, you watch the day back and when you come back around to the stories you’ve just shared with him, your eyes go wide as your curiosity shocks you back to life like a bolt of electricity.

“What about you? What was your craziest house party? Did Denise ever tell you off for any?” The words come from your mouth in a hurry, stumbling behind the other and he flinches at the way you quickly shift in your place, startling him as he had his eyes closed and was relishing in the quiet that had drowned the room.

Matty blinks a few times before managing to realise what you’ve just asked, and he clears his throat before he can mindlessly say, “She was okay when it came to parties to be honest-” He cut himself off when a memory came rushing to the forefront of his mind and his eyes go wide when remembering what had happened, “Oh my god…” He mutters first and then he’s carefully recounting, “There was a time I got caught when she went on holiday.”

You’re definitely intrigued by his reaction, but you expect a wild story if it comes from Matty. You knew how much of a little shit he had been in his teenage years from interviews and stories you’d heard so far but getting to hear a new story excited you almost childishly, “Oh yeah?”

What you weren’t expecting was for him to follow up with, “Yeah, but I got caught two years after it happened.”

Matty sees your mouth open agape at the detail, your brain a mush trying to sort out the chances of that happening but you can’t so you quickly ask, “What? How?”

“It’s the stupidest story. Doesn’t even sound real but I swear it is.” He says as a preface and you become more intrigued by the second.

A loopy smile shows on his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges and his voice sounds amused like he’s holding back a laugh as he narrates, “I threw a party when I was seventeen when my Mum and Dad had gone away on holiday and they had this jeep they would never let me drive because I didn’t have a licence. So this party I decided, you know what imma drive this fucker while they can’t stop me.”

You can’t help but cackle at the way he talks about his defiance, it’s contagious as he chuckles along with you before he continues, “There were a few of us at this party right, they were all cheering me on except for Hann.” 

You almost want to coo at the mention of Adam being the only one to properly use his brain, “Of course, because he’s sensible.”

But your boyfriend scoffs loudly and refutes your point, “He was a fucking bore and a cock block.”

Another loud cackle slips past your lips, a smile appearing on his face despite his efforts to appear serious about the matter. He has to press his lips together not to giggle at the mischievous smirk that shows on your face before you say, “Matty, you shagged his cousin. He can't be that good at cockblocking.” 

Matty snorts at that, knowing Adam’s blessing meant nothing to him at one point in time when he was horrendously head over heels for his cousin. Matty just laughs, “Flo just couldn’t resist in the end, okay?” 

“Yeah,” You roll your eyes, knowing exactly what happened between him and Flo and that was certainly not the case. Sarcasm and disbelief is thick in your voice when you add, “I’m sure.” 

“Hey!” Matty frowns down at you, offended that you don’t think he’s irresistible. 

“I’m kidding,” You chuckle, taking the blunt off him and taking a puff before you prompt him to, “Carry on.”

“Right so, Adam was the only one to be like ‘no, don’t do it’ but of course I went and did it anyway.” Matty explains twirling a strand of your hair around his fingers, “Me, George, Ross and our mate Pete in the Jeep. Hann stayed at the house because he was a boring prick.”

You scoff at that, shaking your head as you declare under your breath, “So nasty.” 

Electing to ignore that comment, your boyfriend continues, “And we drove to the field just across from mine, opened the gate and started leathering it around this field doing skids and stuff. Then we got to the gate for the next field across and George got out and opened it for us and we went about in there too. But then we realised our mistake.”

For some reason you find yourself smiling in anticipation at that comment since you know it means that’s when the trouble started, and you look at him as you take another drag as he carries on to tell you the full story.

“There were horses in that field, so after we realised we headed back to the first field but George didn’t get back out and shut the gate and we spooked them too, so after we’d done more skids and turned back to close the gate, the horses had come into that field.”

As you laugh, the smoke comes out of your mouth too, making Matty watch you as you declare, “You idiots.” 

“No, what made us idiots was thinking we could on our feet herd up the horses getting them back into the other field.” The beginning of an embarrassed smile makes its way onto his lips now. He almost doesn't want to tell you, but he knows it’ll be worth it when he hears you laugh again if he does. 

Matty takes your offer of having the blunt back and he explains before he has another puff, “We did that for about half an hour and it was raining at that point and we were getting muddy. We went back to the car defeated but then because of the skids and the rain the Jeep got stuck in the mud and we were stuck.”

You can’t help the gasp that leaves you, “Nooo, what did you do?”

“We had to walk back over to the house and had to get Hann to help us.” Matty sighs remembering just how much shit Adam gave him that day, how he told him multiple times it would be a bad idea and he wouldn’t let him forget he was right.  

“Long story short, Hann made me call the farmer the next day and he towed it out. Then Hann, being the only one old enough to drive, had to take it to the car wash for us and we had it deep cleaned and he drove it back to its spot on the drive. And thankfully when Mum and Dad came back they never noticed.”

You laugh practically being able to hear in your head the way Adam had told him off for his silly activities. After being on tour with them and getting such a better insight to their whole dynamic you just know Adam wouldn’t have let Matty get away with random shit he pulled as a teenager, and that’s hilarious to you, the thought of Matty being scared of cute little Adam Hann. 

Matty can’t help but smile at the way you're giggling. God he actually loves you so much he thinks his heart just beats for you, his heart racing getting faster at the sight of you all happy and hearing your loud laugh. 

Your giggles die down but you can’t keep the smile from your face. You’re too happy right now, everything about this evening has been the best and you’ve loved this story so much. Hearing even the tiniest thing about his past makes you so happy, like you’ve got to know him even better and on a deeper level. It warms your heart massively. 

“Wait,” You pause for a second, remembering how the conversation started out, “You said she caught you two years after it happened? How? Did the farmer tell your Mum and Dad?” 

“No, it's worse.” Matty signs, not believing he’s about to admit, “A fucking areal photographer knocked on our door two years later and showed Mum the pictures he took years ago and the fucking Jeep was in the middle of the field with horses around it. I got bollocked. Me and Flo were upstairs in my room and we just heard a booming ‘Matthew!’ from downstairs.”

You let out a little giggle, unable to help yourself, and it warms Matty’s heart as he plays with your hair. You have to ask him, “Did you shit yourself?”

“Big time.” Matty smiles, “No clue what it was about until I saw the pictures and then I just had to accept my fate.”

“I bet Flo was pissing herself.” You look at him as you say that and you already know the answer from the look on his face. 

“She was. She bullied me relentlessly after it happened, especially since we never told her about that one.” He tells you as he stubs out the last of the blunt and waits for the drug to take full effect. 

You hum, “She wasn’t at the party?”

“No, she only came over from Sheffield in the summer and it was maybe like March when we did that.” Matty tells you, “She wouldn’t have condoned it anyway she’d have stopped us like her cousin tried to do.”

You accidentally cackle once more, entirely amused at the fact that he got caught the way he did. It’s so fucking funny to you, your uncontrollable laughter starts again, “I can’t believe you got caught two years later.”

Matty can’t help but join your giggles, “Me neither.”

A sigh comes from you when you manage to calm back down, and then you’re calling him out further, “And you all thinking you were cowboys and could get the horses back.”

He scoffs, offended, before he’s correcting you, “Hey, I look good in cowboy gear.” 

You make a hesitant noise, letting the seconds drag and making a show of acting like you’re really weighing his words. His mouth hangs open as he watches you and you have to bite your tongue not to laugh again before you conclude, “Now, maybe.”

Both of you end up quietly giggling, but then Matty tries to tickle you and you plead for him to stop, absolutely hating being tickled. Before you’ve let it slide but this time you fight back, managing to get enough distance between you so you can try and pin him down but as you know you’re going to fail you end up just leaning down to gently bite his bicep. 

With that, Matty stops in a little bit of shock. You look up at him, trying not to smile but failing miserably. Your boyfriend is struggling to keep his smile away as he asks, “Did you just bite me?” 

You completely fail not to grin, it being too funny to not, and you just shrug, “Maybe.” before letting him go and falling to the mattress just beside him. 

You turn on your side so you’re facing him and your boyfriend mirrors you, both of your heads sharing a pillow and you’re hopelessly grinning at each other. 

“Hey.” You start by saying, stupidly really, just as much as the grin on your face while you take in every little detail on his pretty face.

“Hi.” Matty says back, flashing you that crooked smile you adore so much.

Your heart swells in your chest as you grow nervous at what you’re about to ask, “I have a question for you.”

He nods and then prompts you to, “Go on.”

It’s stupid how you have to take a deep breath before you can ask him, “Will you be my date to our Valentine’s party?” 

Matty is your boyfriend and you don't need to be worried about him turning you down but you still grow even more nervous when he frowns in confusion and says, “Valentine's party?”

“Yeah we’ve done one for the last few years but this year it’s all about Amelia because I’m not single anymore.” You explain easily, wanting to hide your face behind your hands by the end though, because his smile turned into a smirk that made your cheeks heat up.

His hand reaches out for yours, intertwining your fingers and bringing your joint hands up to his mouth. He drops a peck on the back of your hand and his lips brush against your skin when he replies, “I would love to come, when is it?”

“The evening of the ninth?” Your answer sounds more like a question since you know he’s due to go to New York tomorrow, unsure of when exactly he’s coming back.

But to your relief, he clears it up for you, “I get home early on the ninth so yes, I’d love to come. I could come straight here so I could get ready with you?”

“Sounds perfect.” You state with a loopy smile coming back to your face now that you’ve got that sorted out. 

Matty can see you getting lost in your thoughts and he would let you so he can admire every bit of you as you do, but he has an inquiry of his own so he drops a few kisses on the back of your hand to catch your attention and when he sees your eyes widening slightly and focus back on him, he starts, “I have a question for you now.”

“Go on.” You say with a cheeky smile, copying his same words.

“Will you come to the Brits with me?” Your boyfriend asks, breathy words like he’s doing it just as a joke. 

He was so sure you’d say yes so it’s a complete and utter shock when you mutter a quick, “No.”

His brows shoot up and his eyes widen, he actually retracts and there’s a distance between you to accentuate his shock at your reply. His words come out filled with despair and confusion, “No? Why not?”

You want to laugh but manage to hold it back as you explain, “Because I’m already attending and interviewing.” 

Once you clear that up, relief washes over him and you feel him go from tense to letting his shoulders relax and melt back down on the mattress. It’s like a flip has been switched, his eyes grow a little dark and mischief is written all over his face, “Are you now?”

“Don’t get excited, you will be getting ignored.” Is your warning to him since you can almost see inside his mind and know that he’s planning to pull a number on you on that red carpet.

His answer is a simple, “No.” that you have to fight against yourself not to giggle about. 

You clear your throat, willing your amusement away before getting serious again and chatting back, “Yes. You’ll be treated like any other regular attendee.”

His exaggerated offended face is back on, jaw dropped and a frown to accentuate the way he says, “You could never. I’m your boyfriend.”

It’s your time to play with him, so you smirk and challenge with a cheeky, “Watch me.”

At this point, Matty knows you don’t play about when it comes to your job so he sighs, dropping his facade to actually find a way to work out how to have you with him that award night. “Well can you at the very least sit with me? Be my date at the table?”

You want to agree to at least that, but you have to ask, “What about Ames?” because you’re not leaving your best friend to fend for herself. 

“Dimz is more than welcome to join.” Matty smiles, not thinking for a second that Amelia wouldn’t be joining you, “There'll be plenty of room.”

Your smile is huge knowing you’re going to accept his offer, but you hum for a few seconds as if you’re weighing your options. But of course you end up accepting, “Okay then.”

Matty chuckles at your fake deliberation, and he leans in to quickly kiss you sweetly. After he does, he stays close and mumbles against your lips, his grin still huge, “Can’t wait for you to interview me again and for your facade to fail.”

“I will not break.” You pull back just enough so he can tell you’re serious when you demand, “You’re not allowed to flirt with me. I’m only allowed to awkwardly flirt with you.”

It’s Matty’s turn now to hum as if he’s thinking about it, but then leaving you with a rather threatening, “We shall see.”

“Matthew.” You raise your eyebrows, warning him.

But he just comes back with a playful, “Y/N.” that matches your demanding tone.

Leaving you no time to argue, Matty leans the short distance forward and attaches his lips to your own again. 

It’s slow and delicate, soft inhales coming from the both of you as your lips move in sync like you’ve got all the time in the world. The weed has lulled your senses and you find yourselves giggling in between kisses, lips smacking and smiling against each other’s mouth before going back in. 

His hand, which had been resting on your waist, easily trails a steady path up your body as his mouth continues moving against yours. The warm touch leaves goosebumps in its wake until he cups your jaw, wanting to keep you in place whilst he props himself up on his elbow and starts lifting himself up to hover over you. 

Once he’s on top of you, the curls you adore so much brush against your forehead once and your hands quickly move to the back of his neck and up into the locks so you can dig your fingers in and pull them however you please. 

Your fingers buzz with this energy like just brushing his skin erupts a sizzling electricity in between you two that has you feeling elated. He moans when you pull harder on his hair and your mouth parts wider to let out a whimper that he swallows. He tastes like the smoke you just shared, and it’s so inherently him it just makes you even dizzier. 

You love it so much, you start mumbling your sweet thoughts against his mouth. It’s a struggle to understand but it’s an even bigger struggle to stop kissing, the desperate urge to say what you’re thinking makes you pull harder so you can break the kiss. He groans at the sting of it but his heart soars in his chest when you let out a breathy, “Obsessed with you.” 

Matty barely manages to reciprocate with a rushed, “Me too.” before he dives back onto your mouth. It’s desperate when your lips crash together again but he melts into the same deliberate pace he’d set before when your tongues meet. 

At this very moment, you’re entirely his. Every single one of your senses are completely captivated by Matty, your sight, smell, hearing and taste bleeds into one and it’s all him. The man you adore so much, who makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world and feel like you’re being worshipped. 

Everything about him consumes you, and you’re almost too busy realising how lucky you are to notice that his knee has come to rest between your legs until you roll your hips and the sudden friction against your clit makes you gasp. Pleasure overtakes you and your hips start grinding against him without you really thinking about it, the feeling so good that you’re whimpering and moaning into the kiss. Matty groans, feeling himself getting hard just from the sweet sounds you’re making and the way your pace picks up as you try to get off on his thigh.

“Fuck.” He curses under his breath, looking down and catching the erratic movements of your hips. His mouth dips down to your neck, starting to kiss and suck on your sensitive skin, only making your mouth hang open even wider and your throat drying as you continuously gasp.

Your hands fall down his neck and onto his shoulders, wanting to pull him closer to you, but when you dig your nails onto them and you feel the fabric of his shirt covering it, you’re whining out your instructions, “Take your clothes off.”

He chuckles, playfully digging his teeth on the side of your neck before lifting his head up to chat back, “You’ve got too many clothes on.” You’re the one wearing a hoodie over your shirt after all, so you win him over by a piece of clothing.

“Take them off me then.” You challenge him and the look on your face is enough to have him smirking. 

Your pupils are blown out in lust, chest heaving as you try to regain composure but he still takes the chance to taunt you by simply calling you, “Lazy.”

“I’m sleepy.” Is what you counter with, partially true since the spliff has made you sleepy but it’s mostly his presence and touch which has you dizzy and loopy out of your mind. Matty has you dazed and you’ve got no problem giving yourself up to his mercy at the moment, you just want him in any way he’d allow.

But of course, when Matty hears this he has to stop, his expression softening when your words reach his ears, his lips falling in a sweet pout of understanding, “Are you? Should we just go to sleep then, baby?”

A stern, “No.” quickly leaves your lips, and you add a shake of your head just in case. 

He’s still wary, his hand coming up to softly brush the skin of your cheek, “You sure?”

There is no doubt in your mind and you nod gently, a dopey smile on your lips as you tell him, “I want you.”

The smirk that pulls at the corners of his mouth makes you wanna roll your eyes and groan in pleasure, he looks so fucking good above you with unruly curls falling around his face like a halo, his eyes darkened by need and his lips pink, swollen and wet from all the kisses you’ve shared.

Mischievously, he dips down until your noses brush and his lips move tauntingly against yours in a ghostly but deadly touch when he asks, “Do you now?”

It’s easy to say, “I always do.” in admission when you’re wet and throbbing for him already. 

“Simp.” He quips, pushing himself up the bed so he can kneel on the mattress as he takes his top off. He comes back down with a smirk growing on his face, and when he’s merely an inch away from your face, he lets out a chuckle that hits your parted mouth.

Raising a brow, you take the chance to tease him back, playfully correcting his word choice, “Horny, more like.” Emphasising it by letting your eyes shamelessly go down his naked chest and taking in every inch of his skin, the sight just makes your mouth water and your brain fill with the most sinful thoughts so you catch your bottom lip between your teeth to muffle a moan.

With a shake of his head, your boyfriend resumes his attack on your lips, both of you giggling as he does. Soon the giggles die though when his fingers become more intent with their hold on your jaw, making you moan in response but when you go to continue relishing on that delicious friction you’ve created by rolling your hips on his thigh, you find he’s purposely moved his leg away. 

You whimper at the loss, almost like the start of a tantrum and he knows exactly why that is. The smirk that breaks on his face makes it impossible to continue kissing, yet you’re still desperately leaving wet kisses on his lips, before guiding them down his jaw and neck.

Your focus has been entirely taken by wanting to mark him up, to hear those addictive moans of his, to feel him shudder when you get to that sweet spot at the bottom of his throat; but you’re completely distracted from your task when his hand snakes down your body, into your joggers and he feels how wet he’s already made you. 

Mewling against his lips as he starts drawing circles on your clit through your soaked underwear, your small begs are thankfully heard. Your boyfriend moves the material that's separating him from you to the side and teases your clit again. 

You choke on your breath, the pleasure feeling more intense with your muscles relaxed and mind numbed from the weed combined with you not having been with him in a week. It’s all a little much, yet you need more.  

And you’re glad you’ve reached the point where you don’t even have to ask for what you want, he already knows. It’s sweet relief when after a minute Matty drops his hand and sinks two fingers inside you, euphoria taking over, the stretch so sweet you roll your hips trying to get more.

A loud moan gets stuck in your throat, your head thrown back and your mouth agape, your eyes rolling back into your head and your back arching when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot perfectly, “F-fuckkk, Matty.”

“Right there baby?” He asks breathlessly, his own mouth opening agape just watching as you begin to crumble beneath him.

You hum, your eyes shutting tight and biting your lip as he starts picking up the pace. Your voice all pleasure stricken and raspy, “Oh fuck- Yes. Feels so good, baby.” 

Your arm wraps around his neck, nails digging in the flesh of his shoulder to keep him right there, not that he was going to move when he had you becoming a mess for him like that.

Matty leaves a trail of open mouthed kisses down the side of your neck, wishing he had taken off your hoodie to bite and suck and lick your tits, he could see your chest heaving and sweat coating your forehead, hair sticking to it as you gasp in pleasure.

“So fucking pretty, sound so sweet for me baby.” He mumbles in your ear, his hot breath making you shiver and clench around his skilled fingers. His voice still low as he praises,  “You like that? My sweet, gorgeous girl.”

There’s no shame in you that could have you denying that, you nod and it’s almost missable if it wasn’t for your soft hum of confirmation. Matty smiles, kissing you sweetly again as he presses the heel of his palm against your clit, sparking the pleasure that runs up your spine.

You’re drenching his hand already, the coil in your lower stomach tightening with each stroke of his calloused fingers. It’s not long that you've been together, but he already knows you so well, easily having you falling apart for him in just a few minutes. 

Stretching you out further, he adds a third finger and this time, your loud cries of pleasure come out of you with ease. It makes kissing him impossible, when so overcome with the euphoria running through your body, making you buzz with ecstasy, all you can do is whine for him.

Matty’s hot breath mixes with yours, your parted mouths right next to each other, your half lidded eyes trying to stay open so you can hold his gaze as you grow closer to your orgasm. A buildup that only gets more intense when he starts rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb as he continues pumping his fingers in and out of your cunt. 

“Baby you’re so wet for me. Makes me wanna taste you.” He whines, sharing his lustful thoughts with you, his lips pressing kisses at the edge of your parted mouth. You whimper in response, almost drooling in pleasure at the thought of that tongue of his dipping into your cunt and flicking your clit until you cum all over his face. “Gonna make you cum on my fingers first though. You’re so fucking good to me, you deserve to cum on them, no?”

“Yes.” You pant out desperately, licking your lips and nodding your head to agree with him. Tugging on his curls harder, you quietly plead, “Please baby. Feels so good.”

He hums and smiles to himself, his hips grinding softly against your thigh in an attempt to relieve himself as you’ve made him so hard. He finds his search for relief through you though, needing to make you feel every ounce of pleasure before he gets any. He kisses down your jaw, and hums into your ear, “I know, baby. You’re gonna cum, yeah? Gonna be a good girl and cum for me?”

Your walls clench around him as he continues with his filthy words, nodding to say that you will, silently promising to do nothing but be good for him. He can feel you so close to the edge and he will not stop until he has you convulsing beneath him, he whispers, “Drench my hand baby.”

You mewl as you start rocking your hips more intently, meeting him in the middle, fucking yourself on his fingers and your legs begin shaking as you near your climax. The filthy whispers coming from your boyfriend only pushing you closer and closer to your inevitable release. 

It’s not long before you’re letting yourself fall over the edge and fall apart beneath him entirely. Your brows furrow and your lips part to let out the prettiest moans he swears he’s ever heard, your back arching and making your chest press flush with his so he can feel your pebbled nipples through the fabric of your hoodie. Your legs shake and close to trap his hand there, but he uses his legs to keep you spread apart so he can ride your orgasm out. 

Blood rushes down to Matty’s cock, as if getting harder was even possible, but he moans back at the feeling and the sight and the way you entirely come to take over his senses. A warmth coats his insides and he can so easily pinpoint the feeling as it contrasts yet compliments the hunger and the need for you that burns within him.

When you fall limp on the mattress after properly coming down from your high, your boyfriend brings his slick coated fingers up to his mouth and lets out a low, pornographic moan when he tastes you. He does his best to clean his fingers up with his tongue, not wanting to waste a drop of your arousal and all he can think about is how he wants more. He needs more.

But first, he takes on the task of ridding you of your clothes. You’re sweating and there’s a hint of discomfort in your face that he attributes to feeling too hot so he takes your hoodie off first, throwing it somewhere behind him and then he moves back to peel your joggers from you.

The sight of your ruined underwear makes his mouth water, wanting nothing more than to taste you properly again. He dips down and starts kissing up your thighs, drinking in the way your legs continue to shake with his ghostly touch. Every exhale that hits your skin makes you shiver and the tingles that run up your spine from his proximity now that you’re so sensitive makes him want to push yourself over the edge again. 

So much so that when Matty gets closer to your cunt, he asks, “Can I have a taste, baby?” 

He’s almost hurt when you shake your head no and pull his hair to bring him back up to your face. Moving back up, you see he’s frowning like he’s despaired over the denied opportunity to eat you out and have more of your taste on his tongue. 

It makes you giggle, in return breaking his pout, and you cup his face carefully and you pull him in for a kiss that just screams thank you before you demand, “I need you to fuck me.”

The tone in which you say it makes it sound like a plea and Matty groans longingly hearing your wishes. There’s nothing he’d ever deny you, ever. And if you’re to ask for anything, he’d give you only the best. 

And so he’s intent with the way he kisses you. His tongue meets yours instantly and makes you loudly mewl when you taste yourself on it. His fingers digging in the flesh of your waist whilst his other hand comes to wrap around your neck, keeping you in place and eliciting more moans out of your when he presses on the sides so he’s deliciously choking you. 

You’re so sensitive though, you don’t think you can take any more without him being buried deep inside you so the moment he breaks the kiss and pulls back for oxygen, you beg, “Baby please, I need you.” Your hands cup his face with desperation that seeps through your pores, you whine, “Need you please, baby please.”

The guttural groan that rumbles from his chest and up his throat makes you clench around nothing. His lips come back on yours with force, it just screams passion and need, desperation to translate every feeling rushing through him in a way that you can understand without having to say those words he so badly wants to utter.

“My baby’s so fucking good, she says please.” He praises, his hand falling from your neck to join the other one on your waist and lifting your top up and off you so he can have you on show for him. “My baby’s so fucking beautiful and she’s all mine.”

His hot mouth instantly catches one of your nipples, your back arches in pleasure. One of your hands cradles the back of his head to keep him there as he sucks and flicks on your nipple, biting it before moving onto the next one, leaving you a moaning mess beneath him. Your other hand has a white knuckle grip on the sheets beside you, as you writhe under him becoming wetter than you already were after your orgasm and sending you into a frenzy as you feel your oversensitive self start going in the direction of another orgasm. 

It isn’t only his mouth and his touch that’s ruining you, it’s those words of his leaving you dizzy. You had no idea it could get better than before but right now it’s proving that wrong and you don’t know how to gather your bearings when it comes to it. So you let yourself go, of your fears and any inhibitions. 

“Baby, I need you.” You beg in between pants, “Please. You.” You don’t think you’d ever need anybody else. It’s him, and it’ll always be. You’re sure of it.

In a haste to prove that your wish is his command, Matty lets go of the skin he was attacking with a pop, licking it as if to soothe the abuse that is probably going to end up in a bruise. He starts a wake of kisses up your chest and neck until he finds your lips again and he kisses you with a sense of devotion that could make you shed tears. It’s reciprocated and he knows, in the way you hold him and how your body responds to him, the way you take your time and indulge in the feeling, the way your eyes flutter close and you sigh in utter bliss when he holds you. 

When Matty breaks the kiss so he can shed himself of his last piece of clothing, he watches as your eyes shine with adoration and he swears his heart explodes in his chest. His heartbeat is erratic and a mess, entirely out of control under your spell, just like he is as you’ve bewitched him, body and soul. All he can see, hear, breathe or feel is you and he finds that being entirely drunk on you is nothing but a dream. A dream he wishes to never wake up from. He loves you so so much. 

“Gonna make you feel so good, baby.” He promises as he hovers over you again, his joggers now discarded somewhere in the room. He’s propped himself up with his forearm pressed on the mattress and his other hand comes to wrap around his length, bringing it to meet your core and rubbing the tip of his cock up and down your folds. “My baby deserves it, yeah? Always so good to me.”

He watches as the precum on the tip of his cock mixes with your arousal and the sight is so lewd he could bust right then and there. But you snap him out of his trance, feeling like he’s doing this to taunt you, “Matty- Baby, please.”

There’s no actual worded answer, since he just captures you in another kiss but it is brief for when he lines himself up and starts sinking into you, your mouths go slack and you can’t do much more than moan into each other’s mouths. Matty goes slowly until he bottoms out and when you’re filled to the brim of him, you let out a shaky breath. 

Brushing the curls that are sticking to his sweaty forehead with a loopy smile, “Move baby, please. Need you.”

You’re still so sensitive and he can see it from the way your legs tremble around his hips, and he can feel it from the way you’re clenching around him. He doesn’t know if he’s gonna last if you keep talking like that, definitely not if you’re squeezing him like that and if you start drowning the room with those pretty sounds of yours. But god does he want to give it to you nice and slow, so you can feel every bit of each other, so you can savour every second and engrave it in your minds to never leave your memories. 

“Perfect for me.” Matty mumbles as he draws his hips back slowly, until it’s only the tip that’s inside you, just to fill you to the hilt steadily again. “Like you were fucking made for me baby.” He sets the pace, slow but delicious and your moans mix in the most gorgeously pornographic harmony. 

You can feel every vein and ridge, how he stretches you out and drags in and out is heavenly. He groans and moans with every thrust and when you start meeting him in the middle with the roll of your own hips, you both melt into absolute messes. 

“Fuck, Matty.” A mewl leaves you, eyes rolling back in pleasure when he picks up the pace just slightly and hits that spot over and over, “Don’t stop baby. Just like that.”

“Right there?” He asks thrusting deliberately again and when you loudly moan in response, he sighs in bliss, “My girl. All mine. My perfect girl.”

The room is charged with this sense of worship that speaks for the both of you, bringing you closer without a need to use words. In the air, a hint of smoke still lingers but it’s lost and faint in between the aroma of sex, the sounds you’re making and the creak of the springs of your bed. 

Your bodies stick together thanks to the sweat that coats them, the warmth that exudes out of your pores enveloping you together in the most staggering way, almost on the brink of being entirely overwhelming but not being suffocating, more like captivating in the way you’d only dreamed of finding. 

You feel complete, as if you two were meant to fit together and there’s nothing that has ever felt more right. The way his hips snap against yours, the sound of the faint slap of your skin when they meet, your fingers tangled in his curls, him hiding in the crook of your neck, being so close to each other you feel the beating of your hearts and knowing it’s just right when they sync. 

“Baby, I-.” You try to warn in between moans, your ankles wrapping around his lower back to keep him right there where he is.

Your boyfriend has no intention of moving though, being so close to the edge himself, “Me too baby. Fuck.” 

“Need you.” You beg. It’s all you want, all you need. You have to feel him all over you, within you in every sense, just like he already is.

He shudders at your petition, not knowing how much longer he can last with that image in his head. His brows scrunch up as he tries to hold out for longer. His slow but hard pace doesn’t falter for a second, to give you what you want, to make your wishes come true and to have you cum with him because he can’t hold out any longer. 

He groans, sweet nothings being drowned by the sound of your hips meeting, “Gonna give you all you ask for. Always.”

Matty’s hand moves under your thigh, moving it higher, opening you up more to him so his pelvis hits your clit and you jolt at the friction, and it only adds to make your approaching orgasm come faster and harder. Your back arches and you loudly moan in his ear as you cum, all you see is white and you can hear his moans far away like your soul has just exited your body. 

“Oh fuck, baby!” His hips stutter as he cums, but he makes himself continue as he spills inside you, needing to give you all he can so you can ride out your orgasms. He wants to give you his all, his absolute best. 

It hits him again all at once when he opens his eyes and sees you blissed out below him. He loves you so much, his heart beats entirely for you. Selfishly he wishes that all your smiles belong to him like this one does when you open your eyes and see him grinning at you. 

He can’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss you sweetly, hoping that you can somehow understand the I love you he’s trying to say without actually telling you. He’s half sure you somehow understand and he’s happy with that for now so after another peck he lets himself fall limp over you, hiding himself into you when you start blinking your eyes open again.

Nothing is said afterwards, everything being spoken through with actions. His lips leaving sweet kisses on your chest and his fingers drawing faint circles on the sides of your waist. Your fingers brushing his hair back and off his forehead, nails scratching softly at his scalp and making him sigh in content.

It feels like every piece has fallen into place then and you know in your heart what that means. Your brain is fuzzy and you feel the best you’ve ever have, so the smile on your face is inevitable. You wish you could just bottle up the feeling in this very moment and cherish it forever, take a sip of it whenever you’re away from Matty because you know you’ll need it in the future. 

However, you push those thoughts away, focusing on how perfect it feels to be held and cherished by him right now. Enjoying every second of this feeling that you know so well which you’ve finally uncovered with him.

A few minutes of silence go by, the only thing you hear is your settling heartbeat in your ears and you know Matty can hear it too, but you don’t mind. You hope he hears what he’s made of you, a fool for him and only him and you know you’d proudly admit it if anyone were to ask.

The feeling becomes even more prominent when he picks his head up and looks up at you with a loopy smile, one that you mirror before you even get a chance to hear him ask, “How does a shower and facemasks sound?”

“Sounds perfect.” You giggle, god this man knows the way to your heart, “Deal.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

There’s a chill in the air when you wake up, one that makes you want to sink back into your bed and never re-emerge. Half asleep, you turn over and pull your blanket and duvet further up so it covers your shoulders hoping to find refuge in the warmth you’ve created, but as you move, you’re pleasantly reminded you’re not the only one occupying your bed. 

Even in his sleep Matty adjusts himself to have you next to him, needing you as close as possible. And it’s when you feel his arm wrap around your waist and pull you that bit closer that you blink your eyes open just to see if he’s woken up yet, not wanting to miss a second with him remembering he was going away today. 

But he’s right there, next to you in bed with no intention of leaving anytime soon. His fingers digging into your waist as he holds you closer even in his sleep; not even deep in his slumber does he risk you getting away from his hold. 

Seeing him so peaceful, lying beside you with his mouth parted as he softly exhales and his curls spilled over the cotton of the pillow case, you feel your heart squeeze in your chest. In the silence of the room, you find yourself holding your breath like your shaky exhales could disrupt the notion that just became crystal clear: you love him. 

You deeply do, and it’s a love so easy that it just adds to the things that complete you. The way you love an iced coffee regardless of the weather, even if you scold yourself when your fingers go numb as you walk back home or to the office but your heart feels full at the taste of the cold bitterness running down your throat. The way you love listening to rain hit your windows when you’re hiding under your blankets in the warmth of your home. 

He’s become home. Possibly the most important part of it. Somebody you can be entirely yourself with, who seems to cherish you the way you dreamed of someone doing as a kid. Matty’s the one who’s made you believe that love is possible again, something you don’t have to be so scared of anymore. 

It’s strange, recognising the feeling you’d previously lost all hope of experiencing again after making peace with the fact that love was never destined for you. But now it’s resurfaced, and this time it's more intense, so much more overwhelmingly strong than it ever was years ago.  

It’s so relieving knowing that you can have it back and with him but it also terrifies you when the feeling is a bitter reminder of how it had escaped your grasp so long ago, entirely against your will, by someone else’s hand. It’s not like you’re expecting Matty to be reckless with your heart, but experience has led you to be wary and despite wanting so badly to freefall into it all blindly and just driven by the fact that you know you love him, you owe it to yourself to tread these waters carefully. 

You promise yourself that you’ll keep it to yourself for a while, make sure that this isn’t just a honeymoon phase with someone you really like and that you’re not just getting ahead of yourself. It’s difficult since after last night you know it all meant something more, maybe you just want that confirmation from Matty first. 

So you’ll let yourself feel it, protecting your heart a little by keeping silent, but you hope you can tell him in every way other than verbally. You love him so much. You haven’t been this happy in a long time. 

You know it’s a little selfish of you, but after realising you don’t want to waste another second of your time with him or not. You want to see his gorgeous brown eyes again, see that goofy smile you love so much and have him hold you like he never wants to let you go. 

So you don’t give it a second thought when you lean in to him and peck his lips a few times. And because that’s nowhere near enough, you start pecking his whole face in an attempt to wake him up and it takes no time at all. 

Not even a minute goes by until he’s tiredly blinking his eyes open, but even then you don’t stop your small attack. Not until that adorable grin takes over his face and he starts lowly chuckling, gently stroking the skin he’s found available to him on your waist. 

He looks as happy as you feel, your heart so full that seeing him like this makes you think you could melt. Something that you practically do when Matty puckers his lips and you give into the desire to have your lips against his again. 

It's slow and drawn out, but you would have him no other way. Kissing the man you love in bed fairly early on a Sunday morning, it’s everything you could ever want. If you’d have told your past self last year that this would be your future you’d have called yourself crazy, but you’re so beyond glad it’s real. 

You’re in love. And the man who owns your heart pulls you closer into his body where you bury yourself into his neck and wrap your arms around him. Both of you lie there quietly for a while longer pretending there’s no rush at all and you have all the time in the world to stay cosied up to the person you love more than anything. 

~*~*~*~

When you eventually get up, you both decide it’s a cereal in bed sort of morning, both of you opting for coco pops and a long cuddle after you finish. It feels bittersweet for both of you knowing he’s going which is quite sad of you both considering he’s only spending three full days away. 

As you’re both dressing for the day, you offer to drive him to the airport but despite wanting you with him until the last possible second, he planned on leaving his car there until his early arrival to get him back home faster on Thursday, and eventually back to you in time to get ready for your party. This gives you some time to think about something, which ends up with you pathetically overthinking about a little thing that you really shouldn’t be worried about. 

Yes it was too soon to tell him that you loved him, but giving him keys to your flat you thought was a small gesture to let him know that you trusted him enough that you want him to come and go as he pleases. Of course you would want that, you just didn’t know how to bring it up, so you put it off until the last possible second. 

“Matty, before you go…” You stop him before he has a chance to collect his bag. 

“Yeah?” He smiles, definitely glad that you’ve stopped him from leaving. He’ll take anything to stay around you for a little while longer. 

“Last night you said that you were due in early on the ninth?” You double check, your anxiety peaking making you not quite believe your memory. 

“Yeah,” He nods, “I think at like 3am.”

“I- I just wanted to,” You stumble on your words, before you take a deep breath and bite the bullet, “Well I wanted you to have these.” At that you dig into your pocket and pull out your spare set of keys and hold between the both of you. You can’t quite decipher the look on Matty’s face so you drop your gaze and play with the keys as you ramble.

“So you can let yourself in and, you know, come and go as you please. If you want them anyway.” Overthinking, you panic a little thinking he may believe you’re being selfish, “And I’m not giving you them so I don’t have to wake up to come and let you in- I just-” Pausing, you close your eyes for a second and after a deep breath you relax enough to say your simple truth, “Yeah, I just wanted you to have them.”

That was just about the cutest thing Matty has ever seen. Still avoiding his eye contact you don’t see how he’s started grinning like a fool. God he loves you so damn much, he wishes he could tell you already. 

Your boyfriend steps forward and gently grabs both sides of your face tilting your head up so he can see your pretty eyes again. When he does, his thumbs caress your cheeks as he grins, “You’re so damn cute, baby.” 

“I’m not,” You press your palm against your forehead, close your eyes and whisper, “That was so awkward, I’m sorry.”

“You're not awkward.” He giggles, wrapping his arms around your waist, trapping you in a hug, “You're adorable being all nervous.”

“Don’t embarrass me before you leave.” You mumble as you hide yourself into his neck, your arms wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly. 

“I’m not,” He grins, kissing the side of your head, “I just love it.” I love you. It’s all he wants to tell you. 

That statement has you chuckling, knowing just how much he likes to make you feel all flustered. But you can’t help but whine a little, “I feel like we've done things so backwards.”

Matty’s eyebrows pinch together a little, pulling back from the hug just enough to look at you curiously, “How'd you mean?”

“We’ve lived together for almost a month and now I'm nervous to give you a key to my flat,” Not to mention I’m in love with you is on the tip of your tongue, “It's weird.”

“We’re weird.” Matty grins, pulling you against him a little more and kissing you sweetly after he says, “Doesn’t mean I don’t love what we have any less.”

Your heart thuds twice as fast hearing him say that. It makes you want to tell him that your heart is well and truly in the palm of his hands. That you’re his, that he’s it for you. That you love him. 

But it's far too soon. Far too risky.

Matty graciously accepts the keys you once again offer him, and he quickly adds them to his own keyring as he teases, “Thank you for giving me them, baby. I promise I won’t sell them on the black market and leak your address.”

That has you giggling but you play along and nod sincerely, “Thank you. Appreciate that.”

Matty chuckles again, pocketing the keys again and wrapping you in another big hug. He squeezes you tight as he declares, “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more.” You mumble into his shoulder, holding him even tighter not wanting him to go.

It's pathetic of you considering these goodbyes will probably be the easiest you face. Him only being gone for a few days instead of a few months at a time which you’re aware you’ll one day have to face. Today just feels that little bit more challenging because you’ve realised just how much he means to you and you’re scared to let him go. All you want is to wrap yourself up in bed with him again. 

“Doubt it.” Matty hums, knowing there’s certainly no way that’s possible. 

“We’re so soppy.” You giggle a little before scorning yourself, “Who have I become?” 

“A simp.” Matty declares, looking at you with a cheeky knowing grin, “But you've always been one of those for me, haven’t you?” 

Gasping, you grab his hands to try and pry him off your waist as you scorn him, “You know too much, get outttt!”

“But I don’t want to.” Matty whines, tightening his grip so you can’t get away and he’s pleased when you relent and let him keep ahold of you. He buries his head into your neck as he says, “I’ll cancel on Jack and stay right here.”

As much as you would absolutely love for him to stay here and kiss your neck until he’s bruised your skin, you don’t let him cancel his plans. Your fingers wind up in his curls and you tug a little on them so he shows his face as you try and make him feel better about his trip, “You’ll be back before you know it, and I’m only ever on the other end of the phone.”

“Promise you’ll answer?” Matty puts his best puppy dog eyes on for that question. 

You grin, “Always.” As if you’d ever ignore him. 

“Unless you’re asleep.” Matty adds, knowing you far too well.

But even so, you’d give up sleep to talk to the man you love. But of course you need to keep his ego under control so you don’t let him know that just yet. 

“Unless I’m asleep.” You grin, happily playing with the curls at the nape of his neck as you grin, “I’ve trained you so well. Such a good boy.”

Matty squeezes you tighter hearing that, a physical and verbal warning, “Don’t say that or we'll be going right back into your room.”

And as much as you would absolutely love to have him begging for you to praise him back in your bedroom, you’re all too aware he has to be on a plane in the next few hours. 

“Let’s not think about that before you're racing to catch your flight.” You chuckle, trying your best now to get him excited, “Come on, you've not seen Jack in ages, you'll love it once you're out there.”

“I suppose.” Matty sighs, but he has to stop himself from carrying on to sincerely say but not as much as I love being with you.

You hum and smile knowing you’re right and you adore the way Matty doesn’t seem to be able to stop himself from stealing a kiss and then planting so many more all over your face until you’re giggling like a schoolgirl. Hearing your laugh is one of his favourite sounds on the planet, and he’s glad he’s got to experience it one more time before he goes. 

Once the attack of kisses ceased, you go on your tiptoes to trap him in a proper one. A kiss to express what you can’t quite let yourself say yet but you hope he feels regardless. It’s sweet, certainly loving, and you adore the way you both melt into each other and drag it out not really wanting it to ever be over with. 

Unfortunately, it does end with Matty saying a bittersweet, “I’ll see you soon.” 

“Have a safe flight.” You smile, reluctantly slipping out of his grasp to get one of his bags for him, “Please text me when you’re boarding and when you get there.” 

“As soon as I’m downstairs I’ll be texting you, baby.” Matty smiles, “Don’t have to worry about that.”

For a minute you say that you’ll come down to see him off but he makes you stay put, not wanting you to get cold. That and he’s sure it’ll be easier to drive away from you if you’re not actually waving him off. 

After collecting his bags, and both stand at your open door, you whisper, “See you soon.” not wanting to actually say goodbye at all. Thankfully, you manage to steal one last kiss which your boyfriend is more than pleased about, despite it being that little bit harder to go. 

“See you soon baby.” He just about whispers against your lips before he pulls away and he heads out of your flat towards the stairs. 

Of course, you play the lovesick housewife for a second, watching as he leaves at your door. It’s simpy of you, yes, but you’re in love and you don’t even feel a little shy about it when he catches you. Matty glances back just before he’s out of your line of sight, and he blows a kiss at you which you catch and blow one right back to him with a little wave. 

The I love you’s stuck in each of your throats, neither daring to utter the words as you disappear from the other’s view.

~*~*~*~ 9th February 2023 ~*~*~*~

In the short time you were away from each other, rarely did you feel out of contact considering there was an ocean and a five hour time difference between you. Truthfully, you felt closer to Matty than ever. 

With nothing to do at home other than prep for the Brits, which at this point you’ve met most of the attendees at various events now, making your research light work, you’ve spent most of your time messaging or Facetiming your boyfriend. 

Daily pictures were sent of you both in your various get ups, Matty demanding ones from you even if it was the same joggers as the day before just because he wanted to see you. And when he sent you the multiple options he had to wear, asking you to please help him choose, you were more helpful about taking the piss about him packing so many clothes for a three day trip to New York. 

Matty would surprise you with pictures of random places around New York, ones he stumbled upon on his walks around the city, which were always accompanied by some text along the lines of Doesn’t this place look sick?! Saving it so we can come here next time we’re in New York xxxx

He was making it so hard for you not to call him just to yell I love you!!! 

Before you knew it, the days had passed by and he was at the airport waiting for his plane home. Something which you pretended not to be too excited about despite knowing you were about to get the man you love back. 

Sleep didn’t come easily to you that night, like it did most other nights. No, instead you were restless, tossing and turning all night, probably a little too excited that you were getting your man back. You thought sleep would help pass the time faster but instead it dragged it out, made the wait so much more antagonising. 

You think it might have been around 2am when you eventually got to sleep, which is painfully close to the time he was due to land which in the morning you would scold yourself for not managing to stay up for. But it would not matter soon, when he’d open your door with that key you gave him before leaving and he’d come to be the best interruption to your sleep.

Matty didn’t hesitate for a second to drive to your flat from the airport, wanting nothing more than to curl up next to you in bed and stay there for as long as possible. The drive felt longer with how tired he was, despite sleeping on the plane, but thankfully the 50 minute drive he managed to do in 35 thanks to the lack of traffic and breaking a few speed limits. 

A massive smile made its way onto his face as he pulled his keys from the ignition and saw the ones that would allow him into your home. He felt so lucky, it made him want to get you a key cut to his at the earliest opportunity. He’s a little disappointed in himself that he didn’t think of exchanging keys before you did. 

Despite practically running up the stairs to your floor when he opens the building with the fob, he’s extremely quiet when he opens your front door. He’s not surprised when everything is dark and silent in your living room, he expects nothing less than you being fast asleep in bed which when he finds is true, his heart soars.

Matty finds you all cosy in bed, entirely passed out, your heated blanket that he got you for Christmas wrapped up around you and he can’t help but grin at the sight of you. He’s so happy to be back but he can’t help but quickly and gently brush the few strands of hair that are over your forehead away so he can place a kiss there. 

He’s thankful when he doesn’t wake you up, knowing too well what you’re like without proper sleep. Not wasting more time, Matty strips himself down to his boxers and gently pulls the covers back and slowly eases himself down onto the bed in hopes of not waking you. 

However, the cold air hitting your skin must have made you stir because before Matty even has the chance to pull the covers up over him or turn towards you, he hears a tired but heartfelt, “You came.”

He could cry hearing how surprised you sounded, as if he wouldn’t come when he’d already promised. Matty grins as he shuffles closer to you, raising his arm as he sees you moving to him so he can cuddle you properly, saying, “Of course I did baby, you asked me to.”

Of course you come and steal a kiss, finding his lips surprisingly easily considering your eyes are closed and you’re still half asleep, and Matty would chuckle if he didn’t find you so damn adorable. Even more so when you practically lie on top of him, hiding yourself into his neck and declaring a mumbled, “Missed you.”

“Missed you so much more.” He whispers, pulling the covers up for you more so you don’t get cold, “Go back to sleep.”

He feels you hum against his neck, entirely satisfied with that instruction, and he’s sure there’s a faint smile on your lips as you mumble, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Matty’s sure his heart leaps from his chest hearing that. It certainly beats faster and he can’t help but hug you closer and kiss the top of your head, “Me too baby, so much.”

It’s about 20 minutes before your boyfriend’s eyes start closing, but by then you’re long gone, back into the deep sleep he disturbed you from. So Matty thinks it’s safe enough for him to whisper, “I love you.” to the girl of his dreams. 

~*~*~*~

“You’re so pretty.” It falls from Matty’s lips for at least the third time in the past hour as he sits on the toilet seat lid and watches as you do your make up. 

His words never fail to make you smile like a fool, so you stop doing your eyebrows to grin at him through the mirror, “You’re too cute.” 

“No, I’m being serious, you're so stunning.” He insists, his curls bounce softly as he shakes his head in disbelief of your beauty.

Rolling your eyes, you sigh. It’s unfair how much of an effect he has on you, your stomach flips and your chest tightens at the amount of love you feel for him. “Stop making me flustered.” Is what you mumble before going back to stare at yourself to continue your makeup.

Matty is ready to go after he had taken a shower and put on a suit that had you biting your bottom lip when he walked back into the bathroom as you did your hair. So he’s patiently waiting for you to finish getting ready, just staring at you in awe and completely in love. 

At first, he had been on his phone as you loosely curled the ends of your hair but when you started doing your makeup, he quickly forgot about the device to gawk at you. After audibly voicing just how gorgeous you were and you jokingly asked for him to stop making you flush, he kept quiet and stuck to just drinking in every little thing you did. Like the way you softly and precisely apply your eyeshadow, how you hold your breath and lean in closer to the mirror as you apply eyeliner to your waterline, how you cock your head to the side to make sure you’ve done a good job with your highlighter. 

But soon a soft frown appears on your face and before he can ask about it, you’re the one to say, “Can you help me please?”

“With what baby?” Matty replies softly, quickly rising from his place to walk towards you.

Your boyfriend walks up until his chest is pressed against your back and he drops a little kiss on your shoulder, attentively listening as you explain, “You used to do really good smudged smokey eyeliner and I want a bit of that but I can’t do it.”

Another peck is pressed on the skin of your shoulder and then you feel the vibration of his understanding hum. He straightens up to look at you through the mirror and asks, “Do you have any vaseline?”

You break eye contact to drop your gaze on the mess you’ve made by the sink, “I think so… here.” 

Handing him the small container, he takes a short step back and wraps his hand around your waist to turn you around to face him. He’s so smooth with his actions and he knows it, a smirk plastered on his face when you come face to face with him, one that you kiss away with a short peck before hurrying him to work his magic. You’ve already put the eyeliner on but trying to smudge it out with your brush like you thought was the way to do it hadn’t worked so you’re just waiting for your boyfriend to do what he used to do for his own eyeliner back in the day.

Matty opens the lid and dips his finger slowly to gather enough for both of your eyes. Your eyes flutter close when his finger comes up to coat your eyelids with a bit of vaseline to rub on your eyeliner. He smiles feeling your hands clutching softly onto his waist, your fingers tapping his clothed skin in a rhythm that he can’t recognise. 

It takes about a minute or two for him to be satisfied with his work, and you smile when hearing him mumble to himself as he rubs delicately but precisely, trying his best to make both eyes look as similar as possible. 

At the loss of his touch on your eyelids and the silence that envelops you, you open your eyes slowly and meet with your boyfriend flashing you the sweetest of smiles. 

“Bit too much, here,” Matty uses the excess on his finger to run it along your lips, smoothing them for you and he smiles when they have a pretty shine to them and his job is done. 

It takes everything in you not to smile as he does it. But he can see the smile in your eyes as he watches you press your lips together to make sure they’re evenly coated. Your boyfriend grins, “Gorgeous.” before quickly dipping down and pecking your lips. 

“Thank you, baby.” You say before turning around to see yourself again, and to say you’re amazed with how well he did was an understatement.

Your mouth falls open in awe of how good it looks, and the giddiness inside you translates into a loud gasp as you smooth a few strands of hair off your face, “It looks so good!” 

Matty smiles bright and proud behind you, his hands on your waist squeeze there a little before he reiterates, “Look stunning baby.”

With the heat that rushes up to your cheeks, you’re not sure you’d need to apply any blush but you still do, and after applying mascara on, you’re ready to put on your party clothes.

Amelia and you had planned your outfits to be entirely Valentine’s day related, so while she was wearing a dress with hearts that looked like little balloons, you had decided to go for a little red number which consisted of a red corset and mini skirt. You had little white wings to go with it and knee high stockings that would be clipped to some garter belt suspenders to make your cupid look sexy.

Looking at your reflection in the full body length mirror in the corner of your room, you know you look hot but your boyfriend is staring at you like you’ve handed him the moon and the stars. Matty is shamelessly letting his gaze run up and down your figure, biting his bottom lip as if containing every sinful thought he’s having about you. 

You’re fully expecting some lewd comment to come from him with the way he’s looking at you, eyes dark with lust and hunger that make your insides melt in a familiar heat that has you excited to come back home already. Yet, what he says is a generous, “Want me to clip these for you?” pointing at the suspenders still unclipped over your thighs.

“Please.” Your nod is eager, matching the desperation underlying his words.

You have to suppress a laugh at the speed in which he leans forward as he’s sitting on the edge of your bed and starts clipping the suspenders to the top of your stockings. 

He does the leg closest to him first, keeping his touch slow and ghostly, making goosebumps erupt in your skin and tingles to run up your inner thighs and almost causing you to shiver. But to clip the ones on your other leg, he gets up from his seat only to kneel in front of you, making a show of looking up at you through his lashes as he blindly clips the one on the back of your thigh. 

Raising your brows at him, your tongue pokes out to lick at your lips and when the first clasp is done, he moves his hands slowly towards the front of your thighs earning a smirk from you. This time he has to look down to clip it, but when he’s done, his fingers dig harshly into your skin for a quick second before he groans, “God, you’re so hot.”

Before you can even register his words, which almost sounded like a moan, he dips his head into your leg and bites the flesh of your thigh. His teeth sink into your skin with a force that makes pleasure rush up your spine and you choke out a gasp. Matty hears you and you feel him chuckle against your skin, your words have completely died on your tongue so he drops a kiss over the bite mark he left and slowly lifts himself up to stand up in front of you. 

The corners of his mouth are lifted into a devilish grin that you know is only promising of trouble. The way he raises his brows expectantly is enough to snap you out of your trance and that’s when you scorn him, “What did I say about not making me flustered?”

If you had known what he’s about to say, you wouldn’t have asked. “I’ll stop as long as you’re fully aware I’m fucking you in these when we get home.”

Your jaw clenches in an attempt to stop it from dropping at his words, “You’re no help.”

Your boyfriend doesn’t say a thing, his hands go from your waist to the bottom of your skirt to adjust it merely an inch, but when he says “Turn around.” you still obediently listen.

Matty does the same when your back is to him, pulling your skirt in perfect place before dropping a trail of kisses from your shoulder up your neck until he reaches your ear and whispers, “All done.”

“Thank you.” You shiver against his chest, actually thinking about fully missing the party just to indulge in his touch and his kisses and that promise (more like a statement) he made just a few seconds ago.

“Anytime baby.” Matty grins at you, and just as you’re about to move to look into the mirror again, a hard slap to your arse stops you in your tracks. You gasp and look back at your boyfriend who’s grin has only got bigger.  

Before you can even get any words out, he defends himself, “You can scold me all you want, but you enjoyed it.” 

His teasing words have you speechless, and after not having a single comeback to throw his way you bite your tongue and carry on getting ready. Your stylist, Chloe, Facetime’s you at one point when you tell her that you’re ready once you have your ‘solemate’ Lamoda heels on which you adore because the base of them is a red love heart.

Thankfully Chloe approves of how both you and Matty look together and she even applauds Matty’s handy work with your smudged eyeliner. So much you know he’s going to give her a hug later to thank her, and now you’re just waiting for the chicken nuggets you put in the oven (yes, you’re self aware that that’s predictable and cheesy of you - Matty has already laughed at you for it) to be cooked before you book yourselves a taxi so you get there earlier than everyone else. 

As you wait, you make some final touches to yourselves before you ask Matty to take some pictures of you. He happily does and makes you giggle as he turns it into a full photoshoot. 

He makes you lie down on your bed, standing on your stool to get a good angle and he has an absolute ball directing you into positions he wants. At one point you get a little too into it trying to tease him and he tells you to stop before he ruins your makeup, which with his skills you have no doubt he would do. 

After that threat you end up taking cute couple pictures, a few with your Polaroid and film camera before you get as many as you like on your phones. Your selfies are adorable, you’re being unable to stop yourself from changing your lock screen immediately to the picture of you both smiling at your phone but Matty’s chin is resting on your shoulder, his grin is all gooey, and his mop of curls is messy and unruly just the way you love it. 

You adore the picture just as much as you love the man in it. Even a quick glance at it reminds you of the way he squeezed you so tightly from behind as you took the picture. He melts your heart entirely. 

As you’re thinking about which picture to post on your story, your boyfriend is being vain for a moment and taking his own mirror selfies to send to the boys. But once he sends it off and gets bullied for being a simp for you he pockets his phone and focuses on himself in the mirror. 

You don’t mind your view at all, you watch as your boyfriend moves his curls a few times trying to get it into the place he deems fit. He sighs, settling for what he thinks is mediocre, and he glances at you as he tells you, “I know your thoughts already but I really wanna gel my hair back right now.”

“No,” Your face falls entirely, not wanting to see that mop of curls scraped back, “Definitely not.”

“But why?” He whines, coming back up to you, pulling you into him in hopes proximity will persuade you, “Don’t you think I look good?”

“Matthew,” You sigh, fixing his tie so it’s a little more in line with his top button, “In that suit you’d look like Patrick Bateman if you gelled your hair.”

You were hoping that your statement would deter him from that cursed hair gel, but you watch as his eyes light up, and immediately you know you’ve said the wrong thing. The smile that grows on Matty’s lips is almost like he’s been told he’s won the Euro Millions, and although you adore it when he smiles, you hate that Patrick Bateman of all people has brought that to his face.

At the same time you say, “No.” Matty excitedly nods, “Yes.”

“Matty, no.” You say louder, as he practically vibrates in your arms. 

He excitedly grins, “I would look so fucking good as Patrick Bateman.”

“Yeah you would,” You admit, raising your eyebrows as you say, “But not at my fucking Valentine’s party.” 

Matty chuckles, pulling you firmly against him by his hand on the small of your back, and he smirks as he says in a low tone, “Halloween this year is sorted.”

You tut at that, narrowing your eyes slightly, sarcasm thick in your voice, “Oh, such a great couples costume.”

Your boyfriend grins now, cooing, “Awhhhh, you wanna do a couples costume.”

And it’s not just because you want to dress up together as a couple that makes him feel all gooey inside, it's the fact that Halloween is months from now and you still picture yourself with him. It makes him feel all tingly inside, and he’s so happy that by the time the both of you get to October 31st he will definitely be allowing himself to declare that he loves you openly and proudly. 

“Yeah well,” You sigh, grinning though as you say, “Guess I’ll have to ask Ross to do a couples costume now.”

Matty’s jaw falls at that, eyes narrowing in an instant as he tells you, “No.”

“Well then,” You chuckle, “No Bateman for you.”

“We shall see.” Your boyfriend smiles, looking into your gorgeous eyes that stand out even more now he’s done your eyeliner. 

He can’t help but lean in to kiss you, loving nothing more than you being in his arms and his lips against your own. He hopes he can feel how much he loves you, how content he is with you having his heart in the palm of your hands. 

And seeing your goofy smile when you both pull away from the kiss hits him like he’s just realised his feelings all over again. God, he loves you so fucking much.

Matty watches as you press your lips together for a second before you inevitably ask, “Can I please put some eyeliner on you?”

“So it’s a no to Bateman but a yes to emo me at your party?” Matty can’t help but teasingly ask.

It’s somewhere between embarrassment and shame that you find yourself hating to admit, “You looked fit as fuck with it on back in the day.”

It takes everything in him not to laugh, knowing that you still can’t quite stop getting too in your head about it when he reminds you of your obsession with him. He goes easy on you, just grinning at you before he kisses you once more. 

“Yeah come on then baby,” Matty chuckles, pulling you back into the bathroom so you can do his makeup in better lighting, “Lets make your dreams come true.”

You follow obediently, but not before half heartedly saying under your breath, “Arsehole.”

~*~*~*~

The moment you step foot in the venue, you’re blown away seeing your and Amelia’s vision come to life perfectly. Heart balloons take over every inch of the ceiling by the main entrance to the cafe, the strings attached to them come draping down like a curtain that you have to walk through to get to the main event. A few mirrorballs hiding in between the balloons, glistening in the lights and bathing the place with shimmer.

To your left you see the big red letterbox that you hoped your guests would actually interact with like Amelia and you had envisioned when you came up with the idea of having it at the party.

The bar is filled with spirits and mixers and you can see the coasters you’d made for the party all waiting to be used right by the endless amounts of Ciroc vodka bottles that you’d been sent after the brand had wanted to be part of your little soiree, all of them decorated with red, white and pink hearts and the name of your event on the side. 

There is a big square table with a blue velvet cloth where the big ice sculpture resides: it’s a giant heart with an arrow going through it, with ‘Amelia’s Valentines Affair’ written on it. That was the name of the event as you had thought, since you were no longer single, it would be only appropriate to make this party along with the holiday all about Amelia and play onto the fact that she was still looking for the one as she did when she went on your chicken shop dates. 

Naturally, your best friend had loved the idea of being the main focus of it all so even the photobooth that you had at the back of the cafe, hidden away in a corner, had been branded as ‘Amelia’s Valentines Affair’. 

It had been so much fun coming up with the names of the drinks for the party, and choosing the catering menu, as well as cake tasting for the triple tier cake that was hidden away in the kitchen of the cafe but for which you were so excited to bring out and share with everyone who would attend.

When Amelia comes out of the kitchen and sees you two, she runs to envelope the both of you in a hug. Instantly, you and your best friend start screeching like schoolgirls just because of how excited you are for the evening, and thankfully you don’t have to wait long because it’s merely fifteen minutes later that the first bunch of guests walk through the doors of the cafe. 

With the DJ playing good tunes that had everyone dancing as they sipped on their themed cocktails, sneaking away to the photobooth, taking shots of vodka out of the ice sculpture and taking loads of pictures and videos on your phone, the night slipped away. 

Before you know it, the gorgeous cake is being brought out by your best friend and she gets a microphone that she taps three times before she speaks into it. 

“Hello everyone! Thank you so much for coming and celebrating Valentine’s day with us!” Claps and cheers erupt in the room, wolf whistles that Amelia entertained by flipping her hair and fanning herself like the attention was making her flustered, “Thank you, thank you. I hope you’ve had a lovely time! I was hoping to find the one for me here, but it seems I’m still stuck third wheeling for this hot Cupid that was rudely stolen from me.” Your best friend rolls her eyes playfully while pointing at you and Matty. A chorus of laughter comes from the crowd, your own giggles getting lost in the sea of chuckles. 

Your boyfriend’s hand comes to squeeze your waist and you get all flustered at the attention you’ve got on you two after your best friend’s words. So many people had come up to you and Matty tonight, completely surprised to see you kissing and dancing, admitting that they thought it was a joke for the sake of the date you’d put out with him or something like Aitch and Amelia’s situation.

It would be an understatement to say it hadn’t filled you with a sense of pride to admit that you were in fact together and not for show, your heart bursting at its seams when Matty would smirk and look at you for a second before looking back at whoever was in front of you and saying, “Got incredibly lucky, didn’t I? Can’t believe she’s mine.”

Amelia’s hand waving in the air, as if dismissing your poor job as Cupid, and continuing her speech is what brings you out of your trance. “It’s okay, this just means I can keep taking hot dates to the chicken shops and it’s good that’s my favourite thing! Erm, yeah, that’s all. Thank you all for coming and, what did Marie Antoinette say? Let them eat cake!” 

The music resumes right after that, but a crowd gathers around the table as you and Amelia do the honours of cutting the cake. You two feed each other the first piece and end up laughing uncontrollably when you smudge a bit of frosting on each other’s faces. Soon after, you start handing out pieces for everyone to enjoy the delicious dessert and end the night in the best way. 

When you finally get home and take your heels off, your shoulders hang in relief. Matty scoops you up in his arms the second his own shoes are off, and he all but runs into your room, dropping you on top of your bed softly only to pounce on your lips with a delicious desperation that you welcome eagerly and match with ease.

The second the kiss breaks for you to take a breath, you quickly mumble, “Wait.” making him get off you and going back out your room to get your bag. 

Ever since you’d gone into the photobooth for the first time tonight, you’d wanted to go back home and put up the strips of pictures you took beside the pictures you already have littered around your room. 

Matty watches from your bed as you put the photobooth pictures up, and a huge smile breaks on his face when he sees you take a step back after you’re pleased with the set up and sigh in content at the moments captured in the printed strips. He pushes himself off your bed, taking two short steps towards you until he’s pressed flush against your back, dipping his head to attack your neck with kisses that you encourage as you tilt your head to the opposite side to allow him more space to burn with those lips of his.

A day celebrating love with you couldn’t be complete without properly worshipping you, hoping the kisses he leaves all over you skin as he sinks down to his knees in front of you are enough for you to know he loves you, he adores you, he would do anything for you. 

His mouth is tantalising as it roams your body, as well as his touch and the force in which his fingers dig into your waist when he guides you back on the bed where he makes you lie on your back for him. 

It doesn’t take long for your legs to be thrown over his shoulders, for his lips to leave a fiery trail of kisses up your inner thighs and make you a mess of desire, throbbing and aching just for him. 

Those three words itch on his tongue, begging to be left out, to let you hear them loud and proud but he swallows them the same way he swallows your moans when he traps you in yet another hungry kiss after he’s run up your body with his lips.

And you surely almost let the words slip when he brings you the most delicious pleasure and release over and over again, so intent and attentive to every one of your needs. Every sound you make only pushes him to get more out of you until tears run down your cheeks from overstimulation, ones that he kisses away so delicately your mind is spinning from the combination of it all.

There’s passion and hunger, desperation and lust; but there’s softness and intention, an attentiveness that could make you cry just by thinking about it all over again, and love, so much of it that has you drunker than any alcohol could ever have you.  

The smiles on your faces don’t leave you when you fall asleep in each other’s arms, your holds so tight as if there was any way of being snatched away from each other, your legs tangled too just in case. 

And you dream of each other because there’s not enough time in the day to spend together, your subconscious incapable of more, replete with each other. And you wouldn’t dare ask to have it another way ever again, not in this lifetime or the ones to come next.

~*~*~*~ 11th February 2023 ~*~*~*~

“Hi.” Charli says once she’s in front of you both with a microphone in hand.

You and Amelia wear the biggest smiles seeing the singer, she looks absolutely stunning and you know you’ll gush about it once the interview is over. The white sheer dress she wears hides nothing and you can only be in absolute awe of her confidence because you would never. A true legend and icon is Miss Charli XCX. 

“How are you?” Amelia beats you to ask.

“I’m good. I’m so excited because I'm here to win an EGOT tonight.” Charli smiles brightly and you have to bite your tongue not to giggle. She continues with her EGOT talk saying,  “I’ve won none…” 

It takes everything in you and your best friend to not burst out laughing when she says that.

“Yet.” The three of you say at the same time and smile at each other. 

You’re quick to put in your two cents about it, “But that’s- because there's a conspiracy against you!”

And you’re glad Charli agrees with ease, “I’m- There is! That’s actually true.”

But you wave her off like she has nothing to worry about, “And it's fine because I've brought my sledgehammer because I know you love… blood.”

Amelia can’t help the cackle she lets out after the second of silence passes after your words, laughter in which Charli joins with the same enthusiasm and you end up giggling like an idiot too. You love the popstar possibly too much, and after spending downtime with her on the boy’s UK tour you’ve never felt so close to her, it is truly no hardship at all to have this interview, after all it's more of a fun conversation.

Once you’ve gained back your composure, Amelia, looking lovely in her Union Jack dress, is the one to get things back on track, “Do you think an award show is a good place to fall in love?”

“Yes!” Charli doesn’t waste a second to answer and there’s a hint of a smirk on her face when she looks at your best friend and states, “And actually I think there is a real chance with you and Andrew Garfield.”

You hum and nod, completely on Charli’s side about it and so the singer adds, “It’s real, like I'm just like shipping it.” 

Before you can audibly agree and tease your best friend for the camera, Amelia looks at it and clarifies with that awkward look on her face she plays off so well, “I just wanna say that Andrew Garfield is not nominated for a Brit Award.” You see members of your crew laughing at that, and it takes everything in you to maintain your little persona. 

“Well, you should’ve brought him as your date.” Charli raises her brows as if scolding Amelia for that.

Amelia scrambles for an answer, mouth opening and closing as she struggles to find her words and the only excuse she can eventually find is, “I don’t have his number.”

The popstar gasps at the information but you’re quick to put your best friend on full blast, “We do have his manager’s number…”

That earns a scoff from Charli, she rolls her eyes and shakes her head, “Girl, you need to lock. That. Down. Immediately.”

“I agree.” You nod with a ‘told you so’ expression on your face that your best friend sighs about.

There isn’t another chance to continue teasing your best friend for she resumes the interview, introducing one of the things you’d planned for when it was Charli’s turn to show up on the red carpet with you two, “We actually got you a present.”

“Really?” The singer asks, puzzled by what of all the things you’ve got behind you on the shelves could it be.

“Yeah.” You nod as Amelia goes to retrieve the canned cocktail you’d picked out for her, a passion fruit martini sounded very Charli to you two.

“This is very me.” Charli says as she cracks the can open, holding it out, away from her gorgeous dress, you and Amelia grin at each other before flashing your smiles at the singer.

“Oooo, it’s fizzy that, isn’t it?” Charli says at the same time Amelia deadpans, “Oh my god.”

Taking a sip, both of you watch her intently to get her reaction and as Amelia hands her the mic back so that Charli can tell you, “Well, it's very warm.”

You press your lips together not to laugh, and Amelia stays silent for a split second before just offering her a meek, “Sorry.”

Charli still takes another sip of the drink, because it tastes really good despite it very much not being the ideal temperature. But then her eyes fall behind you to the trinkets you have lined up which somehow make sense to bring to the Brits’ red carpet, and that’s when she sees them.

Pointing behind you, Charli grins, “I love this! ‘I hate Matty Healy’ but I love him, but it’s like quite-”

Amelia reaches behind you to grab one for the pop icon, and she holds it out for her to reveal the full top. “That’s something I made.” Amelia announces, awkwardly smiling between Charli and the camera. 

“Did you?” The singer asks with a smirk, she stares at you as soon as Amelia nods and confirms with a quick and proud, “Yeah.”

“You seen him yet?” Charli is so amused by the way you’re avoiding eye contact by staring at the display of ‘I Hate Matty Healy’ tops.

To your left you hear your best friend reply, “No, he’s avoiding me.” and the soft, “Ahhh.” that Charli lets out, like she understands the situation.

But of course the singer wasn’t going to let the opportunity to tease you pass too easily, “I’m sure with your best mate around he’s bound to find a way to get over here.” A big smirk tugs at the corners of her lips, “Didn’t leave her alone for two seconds on tour.”

That’s enough to have you turning your head back to face her, a scoff escaping your lips before you quip back, “You act like you weren’t attached to George’s hip.”

“Oh yes, I was.” She says back as she flips her long hair behind her shoulder, “I’m a proud groupie, I will admit that.” 

Fortunately, she gets distracted by taking the top from Amelia and admiring the printed hate message on the front of the white top. She chuckles, “I might have to put this on if my nipples aren’t allowed on the cameras.”

You still shouldn’t have let your guard down that easily, because when she cheekily adds, “Do you sleep in one of these Y/N/N?” you’re fully taken by surprise.

Your jaw falls and Amelia snorts in laughter, which turns into a cackle when all you manage to answer is an out of character, “Get fucked.”

You know you should’ve been more careful when choosing your words when Charli turns them against you by quipping back with, “You keep one on when you’re doing that too?”

The loud gasp that comes from you is enough to send the two girls beside you into a fit of loud laughter. They’re so amused by it all that they completely ignore you as you scold the singer, “Charlotte!” 

Even your crew is laughing at you, so you have no backup from anyone. Jokes on them though, this will be getting taken out of the final edit. 

“Oh you’re going to fucking die when he comes over, he’s not going to play along.” The singer warns you when she stops laughing, patting under her eyes softly to make sure the tears that lined her eyes from laughter haven’t messed anything up.

You roll your eyes, “He’s getting no interaction.” And you really have to hold back from crossing your arms and stomping your feet like a child so she knows you’re serious when you say, “Can we get back to our interview please, bitch?”

She’s insufferable though, your tone only amusing her further so she plays on it by calling you out, “Oh, she's getting feisty.” 

With another sigh, you put on a bright smile again, ignoring the way Amelia and Charli snigger as you go up to the display behind you and grab something. “And to leave, I’ve just got some poppers.” You show it to Charli and the camera, an awkward but oddly proud smile on your face at the pun you know the singer and her fans will get when they watch the interview.

“Oh, oh fun. Fun.” Charli says with faux excitement, seeing the party popper in your hand. 

It gets even more awkward when you announce, “Which I will pop.” as you stare right into the camera, Amelia grabs the party popper you’re handing her and she does the same as you with her own awkward smile stuck on her face.

Charli nods and mirrors you and Amelia, “Okay.”

Your last frame with Charli is of the three of you smiling at camera as you and Amelia pop the party poppers, while Charli holds up her new top. It’s so underwhelming and the silence around you makes it so much funnier, you really try hard not to break character and ruin the shot. 

When the tiny confetti hits the floor, you and Amelia break the scene, turning to Charli and hugging her while thanking her for coming over. The two of you shower her in compliments which she gives back to you, she even makes you and Amelia twirl in your places to show her every bit of your dresses and you blush when she says she’ll be stealing you from Matty later. 

Sadly, her team tells her she needs to go, and after a promise of seeing the two of you inside when you eventually get to the table you’re all sharing, she sing-songs, “I love youuuu!”

You wave at her as she starts walking away, matching the tone she used to reciprocate the farewell, “Mmm love you too!”

A soft frown appears on her face as she points a warning finger, “Don’t flirt too hard with my boyfriend, I’ll cut you both!”

And as payback for all the teasing she put you through earlier, you sing-song back with the fakest smile, “No promises!”   

Charli flips you off behind her back and the last she hears before disappearing to the next media section of the carpet is your loud laughter. And your night continues on. 

This red carpet is particularly tricky, your little set being in the corner after the actual carpet where the celebs were getting photographed and where Roman Kemp and the other presenters were doing their bit for the livestream, but before the attendees made their way into the O2. So by the time people were passing you, it felt like they were mostly in a rush to get inside.

You got lucky with Charli, she knew you were going to be there because Matty had told her as she was getting ready with the boys. And you’re glad she came over because you truly felt at ease in your job for the night now. 

Before the queen of pop, you had the lovely band Flo and the girls were troopers, playing up to yours and Amelia's antics with shitty karaoke microphones you brought along. Kim Petras came over and showed you both some of her dance moves that she’ll be doing in her performance later on that you and your best friend embarrassingly mimicked.

In a weird and unexpected turn, Declan Rice made an appearance which was confusing at the music awards ceremony to have a footballer there. But you made the most of it and kindly offered the West Ham player a Manchester United mug which he unsurprisingly turned down but you got the best kick out of it. You might even offer it to Matty later to get him scowling at you. 

And after you interviewed the lovely Greg James, that was when Charli wondered over and you got bullied. Alas, the rest of the night must go on and now you are feeling fabulous. 

Aitch came next and you really don't know how you and Amelia kept it together when she offered him his fake box of belongings back. But despite the jokes that fired between the three of you there was a genuine sincerity there when you wished him luck this evening, and you had a little giggle with him after he handed the microphone back to your crew. 

Some guests tonight weren’t doing press, which was a little upsetting, but you both took it on the chin when you were denied interviews. However, a moment tonight that melted both yours and Amelia’s heart was when Ed Sheeran caught your line of sight and you waved at him. Despite his team telling you that he was strictly not doing press, he came over anyway, not for a recorded interview but for a friendly chat where he hugged you upon greeting you and chatted with you for at least five minutes. 

It was really nice, it made the both of you feel like you belong here a little more, and that you’re not fish out of water. You deserve to be here just as much as the journalists on the other carpet. 

Afterwards, comes people like Stormzy, Shania Twain, Jessie J, David Guetta, and you just interviewed Wet Leg when you spot a few familiar faces, but because you’d class one of them as your friend now you shout her name as she walks past. “Flo!” You shout across to her.

You smile when you see her head whip to the side in search of who shouted her name, and a second later when you move from yours and Amelia's little spot over to the edge of your area and wave does she spot you. And when she does she gasps and waves, which melts your heart entirely. The artist makes her way over to you, looking just as stunning as she always does. As soon as she’s close enough, she has a bright grin on her face as she says an excited, “Hey!” 

“Oh my,” She gasps as she stops in front of you and Amelia joins you at your side, “You two look gorgeous!”

You blush because a compliment from her means the world to you, but seeing her dress you can’t help but coo, “No, oh my god! You look amazing!” And she really does. Tonight, Flo is wearing a gorgeous lavender dress that flows gorgeously down to the ground and pools at her feet.

It’s a beautifully made dress, such a stunning shade of lavender that compliments her skin tone well, made from either chiffon or organza with ruching on the bust and thick ruched straps that hold the dress on her shoulders. The detailing just below her breasts makes the rest of the fabric drape down her body in the way you’d expect a disney princess’ too, and you also note that it cleverly hides her growing baby bump.

As she smiles, thanking you for your compliment, before you asks quietly, “How’s baby Turner doing?”

“They’re doing fineee…” Flo grins, running a hand over her stomach so the flowy material will reveal her bump outline to you and you can’t help but pull her in for a hug when you see how big she's getting.

“Don’t suppose,” You start once you let her go, grinning as you cheekily push your luck, “We can pull you for an interview…?”

“No,” She laughs, shaking her head slightly, “You don’t want me, but I’ll make the Monkeys come on for you.”

“They’re actually coming?” Your eyes go a little wide, Amelia’s too because you both knew they were invited but you never for a second thought they would actually show themselves, “I thought you were coming to sit with The 1975 boys.”

“No, believe me,” She laughs, shaking her head, “I wouldn’t have come to another of these if I wasn’t married to someone up for an award. Not after the last time.”

You’re smirking, about to respond with something witty about that night you remember so fondly watching at home on TV back in 2017. However, your friend's name rings out across the room. 

“Flo!” You all hear a male voice shout from not too far away.

Turning the three of you see none other than Harry Styles walking his way over. And you’re half sure your heart falls into your stomach, Amelia’s probably too, but thankfully his eyes are mostly focused on Flo.  

“Hey Florence,” You and Amelia watch as Harry reaches for the artist, “How are you?”

“Harry, hey!” Flo grins up at him, with a hint of something in her eyes that you can’t quite pinpoint. But you’re too focused on the conversation to dwell on that at the moment. The artist grins and hugs him, “I’m good, thank you. How are you?” 

“Great, thank you.” Harry grins, the black suit doing the man such justice, he almost looks like a god despite the huge flower adorning his chest. He pulls her into a massive hug as if they’re been friends for years, “It’s so good to see you.”  

Am I missing something? You can’t help but ask yourself. You’re more than certain though that Matty has never mentioned Flo being aquaintances or better yet friends with Harry fucking Styles. You’ll be having words with him for that later.  

“God, how long has it been?” Harry thinks out loud, still looking as charming as ever, his eyes never leaving hers. It really makes you feel like you’re intruding on something you shouldn’t be. He wonders, “Five years?”

“Six, wasn’t it?” Flo corrects him, still asking despite her clearly knowing, “2016?”

“Right.” You spot the singer almost smirking down at the artist, “The last I saw you was Jamaica, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, Jamaica.” She nods confirming and you’re almost sure you see a little embarrassed blush creep onto her cheeks. Flo continues, “Lots has happened since then. Congratulations on your albums, they’ve been amazing. I’m excited for the new one.”

As are you and Amelia. Never in your life have you screamed as hard as when you got your tickets to Love On Tour for one of the nights at Wembley. Except when you got your At Their Very Best tickets… of course. 

“Thank you, but I believe you deserve the congratulations, you’re married to Alex now, right?” The singer asks and the artist happily nods, her love for her husband shining through her eyes as she confirms Harry's thoughts. When she does, his smile is huge, “That’s amazing! I'm so happy for you both.”

“Thank you, got a little more to celebrate now too.” Flo holds her hand subtly against her stomach to tell him without actually having to explain aloud. “If you know what I mean.”

And of course he does. The genuine joy for her that seeps onto his face makes you want to melt when he pulls her into another hug. You and your best friend hear him say, “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thank you Harry.” Flo grins, as she pulls away from the hug, but she then turns to you and your best friend, introducing you with ease, “Have you met Y/N and Amelia before? They’re trying to get me to a chicken shop but I think you’d be more who they’re trying to recruit.”

“Hey,” You chuckle, raising your eyebrows at her, “You promised me that date!”

“You’ll get it, my love. I’m going to send Alex and the lads over to you and I’ll see you in there.” She promises, quickly hugging the both of you before she embraces the popstar once again, “It was lovely to see you again Harry.”

“The pleasure’s been all mine, Flo.” He kisses her cheek, lucky bitch. “See you soon.” He waves her off as she wanders back over to where you now see the Monkeys' other wives are standing waiting for her before they head inside. 

But who really cares about them when you have Harry fucking Styles standing in front of you, looking you dead in the eye. You’re sure you could pass out at a moment's notice. You’d already been told that he wasn’t doing press, that pretty much no one would get any interaction from him as he would be surrounded by security when he wasn’t on the carpet for pictures. And he was, until he spotted Flo as a familiar face, and now he’s here talking to you and your best friend. And your inner 16 year old self might just pass out. 

“Nice to meet the both of you.” Harry smiles at Amelia and then yourself before he leans forward to kiss each of your cheeks. Immediately, the subtle hints of vanilla, ginger, and woody scent fills your senses, Christ he smells so nice. You’re also never washing your cheek again. And you’re sure your eyes go wide when he says, “I'm a huge fan of the show.”

“You’ve seen the show?” Amelia beats you to ask. And it’s funny, you glance at her and her eyes are just as wide as yours were. Pull yourself together Y/N/N. You weren’t this bad meeting the man you're in love with.

“Of course. I love what you do so much.” Harry makes both of your days when he says, “I think you’re both the best people doing interviews right now.” 

Amelia’s a little lost for words so she’s happy when you manage to get out, “Thank you so much.”

“It’s so impressive and you’re both so funny.” His smile is just as charming as he is, “I love watching your dates.”

Harry Styles loves watching your dates AHHHHHHHHHH!

“Funny you should say that,” Amelia gets her barings back and charismatically chips back in, “Because we love your music and think you should come on a Chicken Shop Date with us.”

Harry smiles at that, expecting nothing less from you gorgeous, talented women, “When the time is right, I’m all yours.”

You smile, appreciating that a lot, but you promise him, “We’ll hold you to that.”

This time he grins at you, “I don’t doubt you will.”

“We’re seeing you at Wembley in June.” Amelia tells him, letting her excitement shine through a little, which you don’t entirely blame her for. His music means a lot to the both of you. 

“Oh,” He smiles brightly, “It’ll be lovely to have you there.” 

You tell him truthfully, “We’re really excited.” But you won’t forgive yourself if you don’t casually plead, “Please play Only Angel again.” needing to hear that song live.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Harry grins before he gets ushered on by his security. 

Instead of following their orders blindly though, he turns back to the both of you with an apologetic look before grasping both yours and your best friend's hand and giving it a tight squeeze as he sincerely says, “Thank you both so much. Sorry I can’t chat for longer, but I’ll see you in there.”

And he takes your breath away when he kisses the top of both of your hands like prince charming, “It was lovely to meet you both.”

You and your best friend just about get your good lucks and goodbyes out as Harry starts being lead through into the main arena, and as soon as he’s out of sight you turn to each other, wide eyed and say, “What the fuck just happened?!” and, “Oh my fucking god!!” at the same time. 

Even when you turn back to your crew, they’re shocked by the encounter too, all not quite believing their eyes. It takes you all a good 5 minutes to recover before you get back into the swing of things. 

A few more celebs make their way over to you, but nothing sparked joy like catching the eyes of Alex Turner, who despite being on a red carpet, smiled at you and looked like he was (dare you say) excited for an interview. 

“Hello, hello, hello.” You greet the band as they walk up to you, all of them slowly walking into your little corner. Matt and Alex are the ones who have a microphone in hand while Nick and Jamie have their arms behind their backs but kind smiles on their faces.

Amelia beams at them all and greets the drummer, who she’d interviewed when you both were at Reading Fest, “Matt, lovely to see you again.”

“And you Amelia, Y/N.” Matt acknowledges the both of you with a smile and a nod of his head.

“How’ve you been boys?” You ask first to get them all talking, making them feel comfortable with you and Amelia before actually heavily putting on your characters for the interview.

It’s no surprise that you end up bringing up their new album The Car and you’re lucky you and Amelia are good at improvising because you hadn’t planned for these men to be here at all. Thankfully it paid off quite well and you both start rounding off their interview after a few minutes of you both making them laugh.

“Careful when you go inside, Charli XCX is in there.” Amelia begins and after a brief second adds, “She’s got a thing for cars.”

There’s a dazed look from the Monkeys so you deliver another punchline, “Yeah, if she gets her hands on your car she’ll crash it.”

Alex snorts at that, clearly understanding the reference to her album, no doubt thanks to Flo’s influence. The others laugh along, you hope understanding but you remember you have one more trick up your sleeve that will make the band, and you’re sure anyone who knows the history, giggle too. 

“Oh Al,” You turn to grab one of the t-shirts from the display behind you and hand it over to Alex with a subtle smirk, “Think this top is right up your street.”

He takes it and unrolls it, a chuckle making him shake when he reads, ‘I Hate Matty Healy’ printed on the front and he holds it up over his chest, looks at you two, hand on his hip as if modelling it. 

Amelia nods, “Suits you actually.” as you try to keep a straight face.

“Very fitting.” The singer nods as he mumbles into the microphone, before perking up when seeing there’s more of them displayed behind you. “Can I take one for Flo too? I think she’ll like it.” 

“Course.” You smile brightly, turning back around to get another. 

But when you hand Alex the top, Matt brings the mic up to his lips to ask, “You got any more?” 

Amelia raises her brows and asks rather amused, “You all want one?” and when the rest of the band nods, you can’t help but chuckle to yourself.

“Makes sense because they’re up for the same award as you.” You quip back, giving them a perfect idea for when to wear them, “If they win we will put the tops on for you. Rep the brand.”

Alex hums into the mic softly and nods before mumbling, “Shall hold you up to that.” 

You take that as a sign to end your segment with the band there and you bid them farewell with smiles and keeping up your awkward facades, asking them for a date when they leave your sight and making it an underwhelming moment for the sake of the interview. Amelia giggles as she lets her mic fall away from her lips and you giggle with her, a rush of joy running through your veins as you know the carpet is drawing to a close and the awards ceremony is nearing meaning that you’re so close to have accomplished yet another insane goal in your careers once this is over. You quickly reset your set with new ‘I Hate Matty Healy’ tops knowing it can’t be long now until your boys are due over.

You get a few more guests before the band you’ve dedicated so many years of your life to and who hold your heart (now even more so) in their hands appears in your peripherals, and you try not to look startled as you watch the four men walking your way. 

“Oh god…” You hold your breath knowing this is where things are going to get tricky for you. 

Amelia smirks, “This is gonna be good.” knowing that your boyfriend will have nothing good in mind once he gets to see you.

And he already has.

“Fucking hell.” Matty curses under his breath when you come into his view.

During your FaceTime earlier as you were both getting ready in your respective hotel rooms, you didn’t show him your dress, he only saw you getting your makeup done and he told you that you looked beautiful but then you told him he could wait to see your dress. And fucking hell, he wishes that someone would have forewarned him, his dick is already twitching just looking at you. 

You’re wearing a black dress that starts as a tight corset which dramatically emphasises your boobs. But the long skirt that runs down and reaches your heels only covers one of your legs, leaving the other on show, letting everyone see the stockings and suspenders you’re wearing.

Matty’s chest flares with want and need as he can’t take his eyes from you as your team hand him and George the microphones before all of them make their way in shot. And their order ends up being Ross, George, Adam, and then Matty, which you’re thankful for because your boyfriend is furthest away from you with his wandering eyes. 

As the other boys take in your set, Amelia can’t get the grin off her face as she notices Matty can’t take his eyes off you. She grabs the rest of their attention as she knowingly smiles, “Well, hello.” 

“Fancy seeing you here.” You chip in, looking at the stunning men in front of you.

Ross, Adam, and Matty all wear black suits with white shirts, bowties adorning their necks, while George with his freshly bleached hair looks amazing with his black silk shirt open, showing more of his chest and a stunning chain around his neck. Even yellow tinted glasses make him look like the star of the band, something that you’ll make sure you tell him in front of your boyfriend later.

In fact, what's stopping you right now? 

“If I didn’t know better,” You grin, “I’d think you’re the frontman, George. You’re looking very dapper.”

“Really?” The drummer smirks as he asks, catching the look on Matty’s face when he quickly glances around to the rest of them.

“Thinking I should’ve asked you on a date back then.” You clearly flirt but your awkward persona comes into play like the guys had been expecting since they walked over to you and Amelia.

Matty scoffs, “You’re all chat, you said the same thing about Ross.”

With a roll of your eyes, you continue playing into your joke, “Well, maybe I want them both.”

“No double date?” Amelia asks, trying to hide her smirk behind a puzzled look like the possibility of her joining you on a date with Ross and George was more important than wanting to laugh over the clear taunting aimed at your boyfriend.

When Amelia sees you shrugging, she scoffs and turns to the camera to call you out in the meekest tone, “She’s so selfish.”

“Three nominations boys, how are you feeling?” You ask, completely changing the topic of conversation in hopes that if you continue flirting here and there as the interview continues, you’d get some good reactions for the video from your boyfriend. You already can’t wait to edit all of this together.

“Very grateful.” Adam says humbly after George puts the mic close to his mouth as he sees him nod and mumble beside him.

Amelia is the one to turn to them and let them know of the plan you’d played about with the band that had just been in their places a few minutes before, “Just gotta warn you that if you win, we’ve started a new movement with Arctic Monkeys.”

“With the Monkeys?” Ross asks with a half grin on his face, like he’s suspicious of what you’ve been plotting with the band.

Almost immediately after, Matty asks, “And what would that be?”

But he gets no sign of an answer when you shrug nonchalantly, keeping your face blank and making them even more curious with a tantalising, “If I tell, the surprise would be ruined, no?” 

Matty goes to ask but you tut, “You’ll just have to win and see what happens.”

“Are you feeling lucky? I brought my lucky egg, you can rub it so you can find out.” Amelia says, always comically eager to have people rubbing on the lucky egg she brings to red carpets. She turns to grab it from the shelf just behind the bassist, and you really have to stop yourself from giggling at the way she proudly holds the egg up. It’s genuinely like watching someone care for a baby the way your best friend coos over this egg.

“How many people have rubbed this egg?” Ross asks, an eyebrow raised and his dimples showing faintly beneath his beard due to the smirk that breaks on his face. God, you wish Ross would look at you the way he’s looking at Amelia right now.

And you wish you could be as cool about it as she is, keeping her smirk soft and her shrug indifferent as she replies factually, “Most of Hollywood’s walk of fame.”

“So we’re the best?” Matty asks rhetorically, grinning, “I see.”

“If you do say so yourself.” You say with the hint of a smile on your lips, looking your boyfriend in the eye properly for the first time tonight. 

He looks so fucking good, and the lust in his eyes is so easy for you to spot. It makes you want to clench your thighs together, so you look away from him, back to Adam to maintain your on screen persona. You can do this Y/N. You can do this.

As difficult as it is ignoring the man you love, you push on for the sake of the bit. Amelia puts her egg down as you take the lead on your next question.

“You've been coming to the Brits since 2016 and you’ve won at least one award every year you’ve been.” You state the fact, giving way to the beginning of a bit that you hope gives you the reactions you were anticipating when you wrote it down with your best friend.

“Yes.” George and Adam confirm proudly.

Ross teases with a playful, “You’ve done your homework.”

To that Matty smirks, finding the perfect opportunity to pick on you, “With how obsessed she is with us, I doubt she even had to google that.”

You have to bite your tongue to backchat, sticking to finishing your joke as originally planned, putting on a pout as you fake pity for them when you say, “Be a bit embarrassing if you don't win something tonight, wouldn't it?”

A loud scoff comes from your boyfriend, whilst Adam and Ross giggle and George clicks his tongue softly before scolding you, “We won’t win with that attitude.”

“Ah, true forgot you were up against Harry Styles, sorry.” You wince sarcastically and deem it, “No chance there now.” before you give them whiplash again by randomly asking, “So who was your favourite member of One Direction?” 

They chuckle at the sudden ridiculous question, and you have to press your lips together not to cackle at the sound of George’s laughter mixing with the giggles coming from the rest of the boys. Amelia is the one who continues on the topic by warning them, “You better say Harry or I’ll tell on you when we go inside.”

Comically, they play on the joke and all of them start nodding feigning honesty when they start saying, “Oh yes, definitely Harry.” at different times, repeating their words as they look into the camera so it sounds and looks chaotic. 

“That’s right.” Amelia hums in approval, looking at the camera for a split second before turning back to the band with a new question, “Do you guys have any award show rituals? That you do to bring you luck?”

“Other than rubbing your egg?” Ross asks with an incredulous look on his face, it’s almost as if he’s holding back from laughing.

You sigh like the lack of answers is annoying you and roll your eyes to say, “Yes, other than rubbing Amelia's egg.”

To your dismay they shake their heads and all you do is give the camera a look of exasperation, Amelia is the one who makes you look back at them for she looks straight into Ross’ eyes and firmly replies, “Then I think you really should rub my egg.” She grabs it again and without hesitation offers it up to Ross with hopeful eyes. Something which you all end up laughing at.

Matty sees the way Amelia is looking at Ross and he makes a mental note to keep an eye out about it inside the venue. He knows you’re flirting with the bassist for the bit, and though he’s not the biggest fan of that, it’s keeping him the slightest bit amused; but Amelia is fully gawking at him and it almost seems like she keeps scooting closer to him as you all laugh. 

So instead of keeping the teasing for later, Matty starts taunting your best friend right then, “Sounding a little desperate there, Amelia.”

Your best friend surprises him when she goes from eye fucking Ross to glaring at him in a split second, spouting a stern, “Not more than you look.” towards him because she’s seen just how badly your boyfriend can’t keep his eyes away from your figure and how everything he wants to do to you is written all over his face.

Matty’s jaw drops at her words as the other three boys loudly snort at her publicly outing him, but before they can start bickering, you tut and call them out, “Okay pipe down, no cat fights on the red carpet please.” 

George and Ross can’t help their chuckles, Adam’s head hangs as he shakes his head trying to hide the amused grin on his face but his shoulders shake in silent laughter. Matty’s eyes flick from the fake little stare down with Amelia to you where he loses his breath all over again and he can’t help but look you up and down again. You’re so fucking hot.

Before you can break character, you bring up another question you had prepared, “Any collabs you’re looking to secure tonight?”

A chorus of thinking hum sounds come from your left and as Amelia abandons her lucky egg again, George is the first to break the silence as he honestly replies, “Not that we’ve thought of…”

Ross turns to you and Amelia to genuinely try to answer your question by asking first, “Who’s here tonight?”

But before anyone can give a genuine answer, your boyfriend is back to taunting Amelia by saying, “Maybe Aitch, you know. Just to get the group back together.”

You have to give your best friend props for she easily avoids Matty’s comment and acts entirely unaffected. She puts on a pout and there’s fake pity in her voice when she counters with, “Oh no, I’ve literally just given him his stuff back, that’d be awkward.” 

Turning to look at your best friend, you give her a look that you hope she reads because this could be fucking hilarious. You tap your chin with your finger and hum loudly for a few seconds, an exaggeration of thinking of something, before you start talking again, “You need someone that fits your vibes, you know. Someone that compliments you perfectly.”

“Oh, I know,” Amelia grins, offering, “Yungblud.”

It takes everything in you not to burst out laughing when you see your boyfriend’s face drop into an unimpressed look before he rubs his temple like he’s getting a headache from the mere mention of the name and curses under his breath, “Fucks sakes.”

Your blood rushes with excitement when you know exactly what to add to make this even funnier, “If my opinion counts for anything… I reckon it’d be the morally obvious thing to do.”

Knowing exactly what you’re referring to, George and Ross burst out laughing and they turn to see a smirking Matty that’s holding back his own laughter at what he admits was a good joke. You and Amelia, just like Adam, are trying not to laugh but the amused smirks on your faces give you away. It’s so hard not to laugh when George keeps giggling. 

Amelia manages to compose herself before you, but she completely makes your breath hitch when she turns to your boyfriend and asks, “Planning on kissing any fans at the after party?”

“Just the one.” Matty cheekily replies, a smirk on his face when his gaze falls on you with a hungry look on his face that threatens you to lose your composure. He shrugs nonchalantly as he adds, “Might take her to a chicken shop on the way home…”

You purse your lips as you hum, taking in what he’s saying but acting a fool, pretending not to get the hint and stating, “Lucky one.” with your brows raised in challenge. But Matty notes the hint of jealousy in your voice.

Of course, he wasn’t gonna give it to you easily, not when you’ve been teasing him and flirting with his best mates when you look like that tonight. “Wish I was taking you?” He asks, a challenging look of his own on his face. It only encourages you to play dirtier. 

“Wish Ross was taking me.” You quip back, biting your bottom lip when you see him clenching his jaw at the ease of your answer.

And thank god for Ross knowing exactly what you’re trying to do because he adds more fuel to the fire, asking with a raised eyebrow and a sultry tone, “In more ways than one?”

Even knowing that it’s just a joke, the bassist’s voice manages to get you flustered and Matty seethes seeing the effect Ross has on you even though it’s not that noticeable as you confidently reply, “Many more.”

For the sake of the bit (definitely not driven by the need to stop this and have Ross’ attention back on her), your best friend adds her two cents into the conversation, “But you gotta go on a chicken shop date first.”

“Is that a requirement?” Ross questions her with a brow raised.

“Yes.” Amelia says at the same time as you say, “No.”

Ross presses his lips together when the two of you frown at each other, trying not to laugh as he asks again, “So yes or no?”

“Yes.” Amelia says again and you gasp at her response, almost whining when you go against her words again, “No, she’s trying to sabotage me.”

“She’s dramatic.” Amelia sighs and rolls her eyes at the camera, another gasp coming from you when Matty mumbles a, “Yes.” into the mic.

Narrowing your eyes at your boyfriend for a few seconds, you turn to Amelia and say, “You wanna know drama? There’s drama?” You point an accusing finger Matty’s way and he of course feigns innocence. 

“Me?” He asks in a gasp, “Not me.” But Adam, George and Ross easily agree with you, nodding and concurring that your boyfriend is indeed a drama queen. 

“Without me your lives would be so boring.” The curly headed singer at the edge of the group says, an offended frown on his face that makes you want to laugh.

Ross rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Sure, what would we do without you?” Matty’s mouth falls open at his sarcastic words and Ross puffs his chest out like he’s not taking back what he’s just said. It’s so funny seeing them bicker like children. 

But before you entirely lose grasp on the dynamics of the interviews you usually conduct with Amelia here, you’re the one to ask yet another question. One that was completely improvised but that you hope you can steer into a funny bit. 

“Ross, will you be letting your hair down tonight?” You ask, silently hoping and praying the answer is yes. 

“Depends if we win,” Ross smiles and shrugs, “Could be on the cards.”

“You should, it looks very lucious.” Amelia proudly flirts, “Best hair in the band award would definitely go to you.”

You don’t miss the way the bassists cheeks turn to a hint of pink, and you’re half jealous that Amelia's gotten that reaction out of him. You can’t help but watch them like a TV show as you hear Matty scoff under his breath, “I don't think.” and God you hope the microphone picked it up.

“Speaking of,” To add fuel to the fire, you continue to ask the rest of the band with a smirk on your lips, “Quickfire questions for you… Matty’s worst hairstyle, go!”

The way Matty’s face falls is comical. He looks so offended you’ve even asked that, he’s never even heard you talk about his hair in a negative way except for your clear distaste for when he gels it back, hence why he’d left his curls alone tonight, all he’s done is style them a bit. 

“Easy.” George comes in straight off the bat, “When he looked like a mushroom.”

It takes everything in you not to burst out laughing at the comment and the way you see your boyfriend's head snap towards his best friend. The look of betrayal just gets more intense as your bit continues. 

“Ha, yes mushroom and microphone head over here.” Amelia agrees with George in a split second and you nod too, a wicked smirk on your face when you catch the look on your boyfriend’s face as you wish for this to continue.

“No come on, it was when he looked like a pot noodle for a few months. That was dire.” Ross groans at the memory of his blond long curls, shaking his head in disapproval as he makes eye contact with a very offended Matty.

Matty frowns looking at you and Amelia like you’ve just killed his dog as he complains, “This just turned into a slag Matty off fest or…?”

Holding back your smile, you’re thankful that it doesn’t deter the rest of the band from carrying on bullying their friend. In fact, Adam, the absolute legend, goes straight for Matty’s throat. 

“If we’re being real, that mohawk made him look like a brush,” The guitarist tells you, pulling no punches when he adds, “Was ready to sweep the floor with his head.”

The laugh that bubbles through you then is something you can’t hold back, and everyone but Matty joins in with loud cackles that make the scene feel so familiar, you almost forget that you’re at the Brits red carpet and not on the tour bus on the way to some city in the UK.

“Careful he’ll lock you back up in his basement Adam.” Amelia jokes and it makes the guitarist snort at the mention of a joke he’s seen around twitter so often.

Everyone’s attention is back on you when you tut loudly as you shake your head, “These are all very good answers but I'm afraid you’re all wrong. The right answer is clearly that rat tail back in 2020.” You fake a shiver that definitely would’ve ran down your spine if you were to see a picture of that hairstyle again.

Groans break out around the group, everyone nodding and siding with you but what you’re not expecting is for your boyfriend to narrow his eyes at you and threaten, “Carry on and it’ll come back.”

You don’t leave room for that to even become a possibility as you sternly state, “No it won't.”

Matty challenges you with a smirk on his face,“Wanna bet?” 

One that you match when you challenge him back, folding your arms, “Wanna lose a girlfriend?”

“You wouldn’t.” He says breathily, shocked at the way you just threw that out there.

Eyes narrowing again, you nonchalantly shrug and let him know he’s on, “Thin ice tonight.” and he feels the blood rushing through his veins heating up at the way you’re looking him up and down as if sizing him up.

“Why?” He frowns, questioning your words.

You shrug and your tone makes it sound like it’s obvious, “Your hair is styled.”

He scoffs entirely amused and his cheeks heat as he’s fully aware of everyone’s gazes going from him to you like a tennis match, “You expect me to win an award with my hair looking like I’ve just rolled out of bed?”

This is the only time you struggle to find your words, and your answer is so weak that it makes everyone hold back their laughter, “The fans would appreciate it more.”

It’s so transparent, Matty is the one to tease you for everyone with the most sarcastic tone he could muster, “Yeahhhh, the fans.” 

He knows damn well all that’s going through your head is how badly you want to pull on his hair, and he wants that too; for you to pull on his hair as he disappears beneath your skirt and you make a mess of his pretty face as you cum on it.

“Domesticsss.” Amelia sing-songs in the middle of it all, looking into the camera with an expression that will definitely make you burst out laughing when you’re editing this video.

As a joke of wanting to protect her from the bickering between you and your boyfriend, Ross hooks his arm with Amelia’s and pulls her away as they start shuffling towards the side of your interview area so they can escape, “Dimz, come with us.”

Your staring battle with Matty is cut short when you see them walking her past you, you wrap your fingers around her wrist and pull her back towards you, “She’s staying with me.”

Amelia giggles in the middle of the predicament she’s in, but of course Ross lets her go with an exaggerated sigh for the camera and mumbles something into the mic that you don’t catch before he lets Amelia free from his grasp and she happily scoots back closer to you. 

“Okay, that’s it I guess.” Amelia says with an awkward smile on her face, “Off you go.” 

She shoos them away and you wave at them with the same blank expression which makes them all laugh as they start walking in front of you towards your crew.And there’s a bit of relief that floods you when you know their interview is over. 

As you say a very flat, “Byeeeeee…” all you can think of is how glad you are that you didn’t break character and that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be to ignore your boyfriend as much as you tried to.

It’s a relief it ended up being quite funny too and you’re so happy you got all that on camera despite definitely knowing that not everything was going to be in the final cut of the video. You can’t wait to edit all this tomorrow, it’s going to be so much fun. 

“What's all that then?” Ross asks as they’re walking away, finally getting to see the display of tops which slander his best mate that has been hiding behind you the whole time.

You turn slightly and showcase it by extending your hand beside it, “Our display, do you like it?”

Ross laughs and nods his head as he starts being ushered away, “Brilliant,” Is what you hear him say before he walks further behind the cameras. George hands someone beside your camera man his microphone and follows the bassist, not before giggling about the display and Adam does the same before following George’s path.

But of course, once he sees it, Matty can’t leave it looking like that. 

“Here, thank you.” He hurriedly says as he hands the mic back, before turning to you and Amelia and come back in shot to correct your set. He doesn’t hesitate to go behind you to your display while stating confidently, “I’ll fix this for you.”

With a speed that makes you want to laugh, he plucks the top that’s folded to show the ‘Hate’ so that it shows ‘Healy’ instead and places it under the one that says ‘Matty’, leaving your display to just say ‘I (blank) Matty Healy’. 

You and Amelia watch expectantly as he reaches for another place on the shelves, grabbing something you don’t really notice before going back behind you and it’s when he places it in the empty spot that you realise what he’s done. 

Matty has put a pair of heart shaped sunglasses in between the ‘I’ and ‘Matty’, leaving your display to say ‘I heart Matty Healy’ in an improvised attempt.

He gives himself a second to look at his creation proudly, turning to the camera and giving it a thumbs up before dashing away from the place you and Amelia take on the red carpet. 

“Of course.” You scoff into the microphone, both you and your best friend shaking your head as if disapproving the whole thing.  

Amelia makes her joke audible by saying, “He can keep lying to himself.” right after. 

But you can’t go along with the joke at your boyfriend’s expense because he comes back in a hurry.

“Now what?” You quickly ask, sighing like you’re exasperated by his return.

But you’re not expecting what he’s about to do when he snatches the microphone from your hands and breathily says, “Forgot this.” into it before handing it blindly to Amelia. 

In a split second he’s wrapping an arm around your waist and cupping your face with his other hand, catching your lips in a hungry kiss and he dips forward so your arms fly around his neck, he swallows the small shriek that falls from your lips.

Everything escapes you when his lips are on yours. Suddenly, the only thing that you know is that your boyfriend has you clutched tight against him and his mouth is moving eagerly with yours, his tongue teasing your bottom lip and you part your mouth to welcome him without even thinking that this is all happening in front of the cameras which are still rolling.

You don’t even hear the surprised, “Oh!” that Amelia lets out as your kiss grows hotter in a matter of seconds, but before it can all come back to you, Matty lifts and twists you to stand back up straight and pulls back. The smack of your mouths separating pierces the silence that has fallen around you, and he drops one last peck on your lips before he runs away once again, leaving you no time to even question what’s happened. 

Amelia pushes the mic into your hands, seeing that you’re too busy being dumbstruck after that steamy kiss to continue your job for the night. The feel of the mic between your fingers brings you back halfway, your gaze moving slowly from your smirking best friend to the camera where your cameraman behind it can’t help but laugh when you’re just blinking at the lenses like a fool for a good minute.

“Ermm… I think we can say tonight has left us speechless.” Amelia quips to the camera before elbowing you to snap out of your trance. 

Jesus Christ, your boyfriend is gonna be the death of you.

~*~*~*~

“Hey baby.” Matty greets you with a smirk, he can’t help but gawk at you all over again and his teeth sink on his bottom lip when he sees those stockings and garters you have under your stunning dress. He can’t wait to go home, after party be damned. 

“How’d it go?” He asks wholeheartedly when you take a seat beside him, his hand instantly coming over your exposed thigh to rub circles on your skin.

You scoff when he acts as if he hadn’t ruined your facade when he pulled that little stunt on you earlier, “Went great other than you embarrassing me.” 

“You loved it.” Your boyfriend rolls his eyes and refutes you with ease, smirking as he states, “The romantic in you wanted to be swept off your feet tonight.” He leans in closer to you and starts kissing from your cheek down your jaw until he reaches your neck and there he nuzzles his face into it, his curls tickling you and making you inevitably erupt in giggles. 

Proud of his effect on you, he leans back slightly and steals a kiss that you just can’t deny because you’ve been thinking of that mouth since he shocked you with that kiss as he was leaving the red carpet.

He’s got you dizzy even before you take a sip of alcohol, and your skin lights up in flames from his fingers tightly clutching your neck. You can’t help but be the one to deepen the kiss, to let him know you feel just the same need as him and even considering skipping the after party entirely just to have him the way you want all night and at the earliest convenience.

But when you pull back and he catches your bottom lip between his teeth, you know that he’s got no issues trying to have you even earlier. Right now. His hand slowly falls from your neck, down your shoulder and arm until he can intertwine your fingers together.

You clench your thighs taking in the lust that has blown his pupils, the way his tongue licks at his lips like he’s indulging in the taste of your mouth even after your lips have separated. He’s eating you up with his eyes and you know him so well, you can almost hear him saying all that he wants to do with you, especially in this dress.  

“Don’t even think about it Healy, I gotta give this dress back when the event is over.” You rest your finger over his lips and warn him with a smirk that you can’t hold back. 

“But-” He fights immediately, his hand squeezing yours like it can help convince you otherwise.

You tut, “No. This is archive Vivienne Westwood and so is Amelia’s. Imagine how much I’d have to pay if I even spill a drink on it.” You tell him as you move your hand away from his lips.

“I don’t care, I can pay.” Matty says easily, rolling his eyes and smirking like he finds your concern over its cost funny or even endearing.

“Sure you can.” You sarcastically reply, a chuckle falling from your lips.

Your amusement dies when he leans back in and his lips brush yours when he starts saying, “There’s no amount of money I wouldn’t be willing to spend on you, baby.” He only leans back a few inches to look you up and down, his eyes almost rolling back in pleasure and a groan rumbling through his chest when he has an eyeful of your cleavage. “Especially not if it means I get to taste you under the skirt of this pretty dress when you look like this.”

Before your boyfriend has a chance to laugh at the way you choke on your breath when he says that, his attention is taken by a familiar face. And you must admit, you're thankful for the distraction, because you think you’d be willing to let him take you somewhere in this huge venue and have his way with you after that comment. 

Alex Turner says hello to the table and eventually stops beside Matty where they hug again and just like you, Matty was surprised to see him here. He asks about where they’re seated and of course about Flo, and when he points out the table, not too far from your own at all, your previous interaction with the artist comes back to the forefront of your mind.

Matty waves over at Flo when Alex points out their table which is diagonal and just a table further in front of yours. You smile brightly back over to her, but then you remember who she introduced you to and you immediately go serious again when you turn to your curly haired brunette.

“You didn’t tell me that Flo knew Harry Styles.” You halfheartedly punch your boyfriend's arm.

“She doesn’t really…” Matty trails off, rubbing his arm and looks at Alex for confirmation of that and he nods, which confuses you even more.

You have to ask, “She met him here with you, right?”

You remember those Brits very well. It’s hard to forget the ‘that rock n’ roll ey’ speech and the shock of seeing who you thought was Matty's girlfriend kiss Alex Turner on TV.

“Yeah, 2014 Brits and I think that’s it.” Alex nods, entirely sure of himself as he has never recalled his wife mentioning that she’d met the popstar after then. 

But you’re not having it. 

Just as George comes up and says hello to Alex too, you think back to the encounter that you witnessed not long ago and tell them what happened. That’s not something you’d blush because of one previous interaction. 

“No, she blushed when he spoke to her. They definitely know each other.” Your eyes are wide and your tone entirely confident when you tell them. Perplexed and confused is the only way you’re able to describe their faces. You continue to tell the three men, “They talked to each other like they actually knew each other. Said that they last saw each other in 2016. In Jamaica.”

At that you watch both lead singers' faces fall entirely, and for a split second you're left wondering what you said wrong as they both gormlessly look at you.

The drummer tunes into the conversation, his eyes wide and shocked, “Did you just say Jamaica?”

You nod, confirming what you heard of the earlier conversation and the three men all look between each other and a few scoffs manage to escape from their lips. What the fuck is going on? You can’t help but think. George, Matty, and Alex all look at each other with their mouths wide and Matty says a quiet, “Surely not.” before Alex’s gaze falls back on you to double check, “Are you sure she said Jamaica?”

“He said Jamaica and she agreed.” You promise them, entirely confident in your response. 

 Alex looks at Matty and almost scoffs,“I can’t fucking believe it.”

Your boyfriend is entirely just lost for words, while George is the one who laughs in disbelief, “I can’t believe we finally know who Jamaica was.” 

“Woah, what?” Your voice raises a little now, a look in your eye that Matty knows means you need to know what's happening. 

Your curly haired brunette finds his voice again, and he’s the one who tells you, “Way back when, Wheels told us all that she signed an NDA on her holiday to Jamaica because she had fun with a celebrity she couldn’t name. And she’s never once told us who it was and now you’ve spilled the beans.”

No. Fucking. Way.

“You mean that Flo and Harry Styles have…?” You trail off, keeping your voice low, not quite believing what you’re actually alluding to. 

Surely not. Surely there’s not a woman alive who can be that fucking lucky. But all three men nod, still looking dazed. Your jaw falls and all you can think is, that woman is living her best fucking life. 

“You’re kidding.” You say, hoping you’re misunderstanding because you’re about to lose your shit.

“We’re not.” Alex tells you and it’s only then that you fully believe and process what you’re hearing. You hand flies over your mouth, “Fuck off.”

And you don’t even hesitate to start walking over to her, and you do so like you’re on a mission. Which you guess you are, a recon mission most definitely. 

“Florence. Turner.” You say in what you can only describe as a teacher's voice, and you sit beside her in Alex’s seat as you scorn her as quietly as you can, “You lucky little bitch, I want to be you. You lucky cow!”

She looks appropriately confused considering you’ve given her no context for your outburst. She chuckles, “What’s all this?”

“Alex Turner. Matty Healy. Harry fucking Styles!” You hold up a finger for each of the men she’s had sex with.“Florence, how do you get these men?!”

“Shhhhh!” Her eyes go wide, and panic is clear to see in her eyes as she whisper shouts at you, “How do you know about that?!”

“I asked the guys how you knew Harry so well and they were confused saying you didn’t. But you were blushing so hard back there so I-”

“I didn’t blush.” She interrupts, entirely adamant that she didn’t but you know better. 

And you don’t blame her for blushing. If you’d fucked Harry Styles years ago and the first time you were seeing him since was at an awards show, married, and pregnant, you’d be blushing too.

“Hun,” You give her a look of disbelief, telling her honestly, “You went as red as a tomato when Jamaica was mentioned.”

“Oh god,” Her hands fly to her temples, eyes wide and then she looks at you dead in the eye. She glances over at the 1975 table where her husband also is, but she turns back to look at you before she even gets to see them. Flo has to ask, “They all know?”

You press your lips together, feeling bad you accidentally split her secret to some of her closest friends, her ex, and her husband/baby daddy. “I’m sorry,” You apologise, but she waves you off, not offended that you’ve let it slip, she’s just mortified that something else related to who she's slept with has come to light at yet another Brit Awards. 

Flo can’t help but think, At least I’ll have the baby as my excuse never to come to another.

Interrupting her thought process though, you can’t help but ask, “On a serious note, is Watermelon Sugar about you?”

“Y/N/N,” Her eyes soften and she sounds as if she's trying not to laugh when she grabs a hold of your hand and starts, “I love you but-”

“No buts!” You stop her, this is serious and there’s no way you’ll be able to function for the rest of the night without getting some clarity. “It’s about you, isn’t it?”

“I’m fairly certain I’m not the only person he’s gone down on in the last six years.” She explains slowly like she was trying to make a child understand how time works.

But you’re far too gone in shock and you can’t help but chat back, “The song came out in 2019. That's enough time to have a song written about you.” A few beats of silence pass since she doesn’t answer and you’re left trying to get a grasp of what you’ve just discovered, “Can’t believe Harry fucking Styles has gone down on you.” 

Flo blushes again, but instead of turning into a stuttering mess, she owns it and coyly smirks at you, “He did more than that.”

Your jaw falls again, “I’m so jealous!”

She can’t help but laugh at that, but she shakes her head and rests her hand on your thigh, “Love, you don’t have to be jealous, Matty's tongue is just as good.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Ah, no buts.” Flo interrupts, not letting you go down that route when she knows just how lucky you are. But she can understand the shock and the need to know, so she promises you, “I’ll tell you all about Jamaica when we’re not about to be on TV, okay?”

You hold out your little finger, wanting her to pinky swear, and it may be childish of you but you think your blossoming friendship can handle it. The gesture seems to light up the artist's eyes because she doesn’t hesitate to hook her pinky around yours, a silent promise confirmed between you. Your little moment ends up being interrupted by a husband with a knowing look in his eye. Alex shakes his head at his wife in fake disappointment, “I can’t believe you.” He looks down and takes his wife’s free hand, “All this time and it was that obvious.”

Clearly past the point of being embarrassed, Flo just shrugs and smirks at her husband, “Sorry Shakespeare.” 

“Is that the reason why you wanted to come back this year, Angel?” You watch as Alex teases her when she stands up and wraps her arms around his neck as his wrap around her waist. His smirk is huge as he presses on, “Being that your fling is up for four awards.”

“You’re up for two.” She reminds him, her fingers deftly brushing his hair from his face. 

“Two that we won't win.” Alex hums, and you can’t help but see just how enamoured he is by her. 

He looks at her as if she’s the only person in the room. As if her smile lights up the entire universe and they’re the only two that matter. She’s his entire world, and it’s so clear to see. 

“Love you all the same.” Flo grins, her fingers routing into her husband's hair. 

His whole face lights up as if it’s the first time he’s hearing her tell him. And he doesn’t hesitate for a second to tell her, “Love you more Angel.” And he leans in to kiss his stunning wife. 

They are somehow cuter than Adam and Carly, and George and Charli. They are the epitome of couple goals and it’s making you long for your boyfriend. 

So before they have a chance to fully immerse themselves into their kiss, you quickly stand and ruin their moment. 

“You’re both disgustingly cute,” You tell them and they don’t for a second look like they mind the halfhearted insult. All Flo does is hug her husband closer and melt into his arms when he kisses her temple as she looks to you. 

You bid the couple farewell when you say, “I’ll see you at the afterparty,” but you look at the artist as you remind her of her promise, “Where we will be having a conversation.”

You turn to start heading back until you hear Flo tease you, “If Matty doesn’t take you straight home to get you out of that dress.”

“He’s already been told no.” You chuckle but you’re getting flustered all over again when remembering his words from just before this whole Jamaica thing had been brought to light.

Flo notices the way you take a deep breath and how it hitches in your throat, and she can’t help but find it funny. She can see it wouldn’t take much to persuade you, so she teases you further, “It’s never stopped him beforeeee.”

Knowing she’s talking from past experience has you losing your mind. Clearly, you’re going to be in for a night to remember when you get back home. But before you give her the chance to catch you flushing over your boyfriend and his horniness, you note that Alex is frowning at his wife after that comment which you can’t help but find funny considering the long history. 

You point at her and playfully sing-song, “I think you’re on thin ice.” as you nod to her husband. You hear her laughing as you turn back and retreat back to your table, where your boyfriend is waiting for you eagerly with a huge grin and his arm over the back of your chair. 

The night grows more and more entertaining as time goes on. The performances are amazing and the speeches make you giggle, as well as the interviews around the place that are fucking hilarious thanks to the Brits feeding alcohol to celebrities all night without being frugal with it. The absolute chaos the Brits bring is just so refreshing compared to American awards. 

All of which Charli has been capturing on her digital camera, the one you have been handed multiple times tonight to capture pictures of everyone around the table. Charli has taken so many of you and Matty, you and Amelia and many selfies that have had the boys creasing all night. You cannot wait to post them on your Instagram when Charli sends them to you next week. 

It was sad seeing both the 1975 and the Monkeys not taking the trophies home but you definitely gasped and yelled when Wet Leg won and they recited Alex’s infamous rock and roll speech from 2014. You started cackling more at it when you saw Flo cry laughing at it and cheering them on all while taking the piss out of her husband even more.

By the time Selin Hizli and Daisy May Cooper made it up on the stage and presented the nominees for Best Rock / Alternative Act, you’re messing about with everyone on the table. You, of course, cheer loudly when the nominees are shown and the two bands you’re rooting for flash on the screen but you’re not expecting either of them to win solely from how the night has gone so far. 

So when the envelope is opened and the winner is announced and you hear a loud, “The 1975!” you rise from your seat like the whole table does and throw yourself into your boyfriend’s arms. It’s a quick embrace as the room erupts in cheers, but you can’t help but cup Matty’s face softly and pull him in for a short sweet kiss followed by, “Congratulations, baby.” before you hug George and Adam. 

Ross is the furthest away so you manage to just blow him a kiss, but your boyfriend steals one more from you before he and the boys head to the stage to accept their award.

You can’t help but grin watching Flo stand up to hug the boys as they walk past. But you let out a loud cackle when Matty pulls back from the hug and cups her face and pretends to go in for a proper kiss, making Flo squeal and slap your boyfriend’s arm playfully. 

Adding to taunting Flo’s Brit experiences makes everyone laugh and when Matty waves the joke off and kisses her cheek instead she accepts it and moves him on so she can hug Ross. Despite that though you see Matty lean down and whisper into Alex’s ear, and when the singer laughs at whatever your boyfriend says it makes their table burst out laughing when Matty kisses Alex’s cheek with as much emphasis as he did Flo’s. 

As you turn to hold Charli while you watch the boys hug the actresses on stage, you glance back at Flo and Alex and cackle when Florence unfolds the top and puts it over her chest and sticks her tongue out at you. ‘I hate Matty Healy’ proudly being waved for all to see. 

Charli turns to see it too and laughs with you, catching Amelia and Carly’s attention who also join in the giggles. You, Charli, and Amelia grab yours from where you put them near the centre of the table and hold yours up to your chests too so you stand in alliance with the Monkeys like you promised. 

People around you laugh, and Carly takes a picture of the three of you like that, reminding you that you have to get a picture of the three of you and Florence in your tops before you leave. Looking back at the Monkeys table, you blow Flo a kiss that she reciprocates and Alex laughs as he shakes his head at his wife. 

Your attention goes back to the stage when you hear your boyfriend start talking and you put the top back on the table as tears well up in your eyes at the sight. You’re so fucking proud of him and the boys, all of them incredibly talented gifting everyone their art wholeheartedly every time without fail, their passion for what they do seeping through every song they make and that’s what you’ve always adored about them.

Your chest swells with pride and your eyes are teary, you manage to grab your phone and start recording as they get off stage and come back to the table. 

Matty hadn’t been able to tear his gaze off you when he was up there and he still isn’t able to stop looking at you, beaming at him with those eyes of yours gleaming under the lights. 

Oxygen escapes him all over again when all of you come back into view, and he’s so glad you’re still recording because he knows you’ll have captured the way you turn him entirely stupid at the mere sight of you. That gorgeous face of yours that he wants to kiss until you push him away, that neck that he’s dying to mark up, that body that makes him lose control of any logic, those arms and hands that hold him the way he’s been craving his whole life. 

He loves you so fucking much, his chest tightens at the thought of telling you right now. 

But before he can even open his mouth, you’re throwing yourself on his arms again and pouncing on his lips without a second to doubt your actions.

Your arms wrap around his neck and his wrap around your waist, the kiss tastes salty from the stray tears that have finally managed to run down your cheek and sweet like all the wine you’ve drank tonight. 

Despite the very large crowd you’ve got around you, you haven’t got it in you to hide away from the PDA this time. You kiss each other slowly and tenderly, like you have all the time in the world. 

And well, you do because Matty can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather than with you. Holding you like this, kissing you like this, sharing his proudest moments with you just like he has shared his struggles with you. 

He fucking loves you, adores you with all he has and nothing’s ever felt so right.

“I adore you.” He mumbles into your lips when he breaks the kiss, your chests rising and falling in rhythm as you take deep breaths.

“Adore you too.” You say back with a massive smile before catching his lips again.  Matty’s heart feels like it’s about to burst at its seams, and it’s nothing to do with the award that he won only two minutes ago. He’s got you and he knows that having you by his side will forever be more than enough. Nothing and no one can compare and he’s certain not a single thing could make him happier. He loves you so so much, all he can do is hope that when he says it, you will make his dreams come true by saying those three words back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: We really hope you enjoyed this one! So sorry it took so long, we promise that it won't take that long for the next one. Can't believe we're coming to the end of this fic, we'll be getting emotional over it soon ahaha. Thank you so much for baring with us and for reading. Please let us know what you thought and we hope you loved it xx

P.S: NRIACC girlies, hope you enjoyed this one too xoxoxoxox 

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[kaimxri]

Means To an End (pt III)

Lucien x Reader (she/her)

Part I Part II

Warnings: none????

Wordcount: 3K (consistency babyyyy)

A/N: I saw a tiktok this morning of Az and now it is time for him to make ammends:) he needs to go back into the good books i think! also, sorry if this seems a bit rushed! i had a headache from Y/N's pov onwards so...... but i hope you enjoy nevertheless!

Azriel

The sound of the door slamming wakes me from my slumber. My shadows brush against me, whispers of ‘gone’ ‘what did you do’ and ‘messed up’ scratch against my ear, dragging me to my senses. I raise up to a seated position and notice there is a change in atmosphere. Something feels wrong.

I grab truth-teller from my nightstand and sneak from my chambers. No unusual or suspicious sounds reach my ear, nor do my shadows report any misplaced signs of intrusion. I keep my heckles raised despite the evidence pointing to my family not being in harm’s way. The stairs barely make a sound underneath my silent footfall. Years upon years of practice perfecting my gait, keeping me hidden amongst the shadows. There are still no signs of harm in the downstairs area. I relax my stance, until my shadows report back to me.

‘Table’

‘Letter’

‘Front door’

I listen to my shadows and head for where they directed me. Just as they had said, there was a letter sitting by the door. Recognising the handwriting to be Y/N’s, my brow furrows as my hand reaches for the paper. As my eyes glance at the writing, I am filled with confusion.

‘Inner Circle,

I am writing to inform you all that I am leaving to another court. Please, do not look for me. I am safe and cared for.

I am sure you all know why I am leaving, and if you do not know then that is down to you. This break is what I need to build myself up and get a handle on my emotions. I am unsure as to whether this move will be a permanent one.

I will be in contact when I am ready.

Thank you for everything,

Y/N’

She has left? I had not noticed anything different about her in the past few weeks that showed she was in pain. Moments from the times we shared together came rushing through my mind. I spend a while scouring through each image, trying to decipher her emotions. But nothing comes through. My self-investigation is broken by Elain’s voice.

“Did you hear, Azriel?” Her smile shows whatever she had to tell me had made her ecstatic.

“Yes, I just saw. Y/N is go-“

“Lucien rejected the bon-“

We speak over each other. Lucien had rejected the bond? Why would he do such a thing… He loved Elain a lot. This morning is just filled with confusion.

“Of course she’s gone,” Elain scoffs, “She had to take my mate just because the man she loves would rather spend his time with me. It is not my fault that she does not put herself out there. Gods, I knew when Lucien broke the bond that he was not thinking clearly. Now I know his thoughts were clouded with that… female.”

“Wait, what do you mean the man she loves?”

“You, of course,” She looks at me with confusion, “Please do not tell me you have not seen her pining after you for nearly a year now? Gods Azriel, she was not exactly subtle. But she doesn’t matter anymore, nor does Lucien! Sure, they may have run off together but at least we now have the chance to try with each other. That I am grateful for.”

My mind runs with all the information being thrown at me. I am still clutching onto Y/N’s letter in a tight fist. Looking down at the paper for a moment, realisation rushes over me.

“She loved me, and she’s run away with Lucien? This does not make sense Elain. Why would she not talk to me in the first place?”

“Please do not tell me you are truly this dull, Azriel. We clearly like each other, do we not? She obviously realised that you did not return her feelings and let them fester. She should have just taken her frustrations out on some other male... Well I guess in a way she has, right? On my mate of all people.”

Elain’s words shock me. How could anyone speak so callously about another. Of course, I have feelings for Elain. How could I not? But my heart has been split in two since the moment she was made by the cauldron. Y/N had made it very clear that our arrangement was strictly physical. Perhaps my avoidance of her is what pushed her away, but I only did so to spare my own heart from being broken by the female who has held my affections for years.

Suddenly I am filled with guilt on how I treated Y/N on nights we spent together. Calling another’s name, leaving her before our hearts had chance to rest and acting as if she meant nothing to me. When she meant everything. If I had known of her feelings for me, this would never have happened. She would be here.

“We must find her. I return her feelings, Elain. Of course, I have feelings for you. But they do not compare to those I have for Y/N. Please, Elain. Help me find them. Maybe there is still a chance for yourself and Lucien? There is nothing like the soul-twined bond, and I cannot give that to you.”

She looks at me confused, as if I had just spoken pure gibberish. Oh gods, what have I done? Who have I become? I do not wish to hurt anyone, but it seems too late for that. I need to make amends.

“Do not be ridiculous. What I feel for you does not compare to the feelings I have for Lucien either Azriel. Why should I give you up only to suffer in a loveless mating bond?”

“Because Lucien has made himself suffer for you, no? He gave you what you wanted. Him to give you what you think would make you truly happy. Are you, Elain? Are you truly happy? Because I am not. I cannot help but to think of what would happen if we were together. This is just passing infatuation. I have loved Y/N for years, can you not see? Lucien loved you, and you did not give him the time of day. He is an honourable male, if you just gave him a chance you would see.”

Panic begins to raise in my chest. Sweat beads on my forehead as my hands begin to tremble. Needing to let out my nervous energy, I begin to pace back and forth. Bringing my hands up to tug at my hair, the sight of Y/N’s note sends more panic through my being. She’s gone. She’s truly gone. And it is my fault.

“No, Azriel. I cannot see. I am happy with my situation, and I am happy with you. Let’s just try, see what we make of ourselves? Together.”

“Oh, give it a rest Elain,” I all but scream at her, “I am not going to be yours. I’ve fucked up. There will be no us. Even if I cannot bring Y/N back, I will not be moving forward with you. I am a selfish male who only hurts those around him.” Sobs wrack through my body, rendering my speech broken, “I am but nothing but what others see. I hurt people, even when I am not trying.”

“That is simply not tru-“

“Then why is she not here, Elain?” I throw the letter at her chest, “Do not speak to me for a while.”

Lucien

I leave Y/N alone for the night. My actions scared her, brought her back to the memories she came to bury. Blame lies solely with me. I was overtaken by my emerging feelings for her that I did not stop to consider how she feels at this moment. Despite my newly developing feelings for the beautiful woman, it is too early for her and myself to act on any hidden desires either of us hold. Although I am sure my feelings for her are true and not rebounded feelings from my rejected mate.

When the sun arises, so do I. My sleep was restless, and my eyes feel heavy, but the need to explain myself outweighed anything else. It was not as if I could remain resting when the sight of Y/N’s eyes swimming with tears clouded my mind every time I shut my own. Without stopping to change out of my sleeping clothes, I move over to Y/N’s side of the living area. My hand hovers over her door for a few minutes, considering what I was going to say. I don’t have a chance to think for much longer as Y/N swings her door open by herself. My anxiety alleviates slightly at the sight of her teasing smirk.

“I could hear your inner turmoil through the door, Lucien.”

“You are very humorous in the morning, Y/N. Tell me, how long were you sitting on that line for?”

“Since I heard you tossing and turning all the way over in your bedroom. Whatever you wish to say, forget it. We can forget what happened last night, it is alright.”

“But it is not alright. I am very sorry for my actions. I’m not quite sure what came over me. I was just confused and there were a lot of emotions. But, Y/N, trust me when I say I was not thinking of Elain in that moment,” I take a deep breathe to steady my words, “I seem to have come across some… underlying feelings for you. Now that I no longer have the cloud of the bond blurring my vision, it seems they have decided now to come to the surface. But I am not going to act on them as neither of us are ready for romance at the moment. I wish to remain your friend; I wish to be there for you when it all gets too much. I wish for you to trust me.”

Y/N seems taken aback by my admission. As if she did not think I would admit that my emotions were fuelled by passion for her, not Elain.

“Lucien, of course I trust you. You will always be my friend too. It was just a bit of an overwhelming day, I understand.” Her forgiveness makes me feel lighter, like the burden of this incident were physically weighing me down. “But you are not going to act on your feelings? That is a shame. Though, you are right. It is too soon for us to explore any other relationships. I will see you at breakfast, Luc.”

“Now, hold on. Don’t close that door again. Would you like me to act on my feelings some day?”

“I wouldn’t say no.”

Y/N

I close the door on Lucien’s shocked face. Perhaps I was being too forward, but why should I hold back on flirting a bit? Even if I am not yet ready for a relationship at the moment, there is no harm in flirting with a handsome male. Let alone one that admits to having feelings towards me.

Oh my gods, someone has feelings for me.

A grin spreads across my face. I had never considered Lucien to be a romantic partner. Now that I have been presented with his own emotions, it seems that I have yet to discover what hides underneath my own sheltered feelings. Especially now that I am not being clouded with thoughts of the shadow singer.

Breakfast that morning is delightful. Lucien and I decided to spend the day in the village that surrounds the palace. Helion had said he would have loved to have joined us, but alas the High Lord’s duties stole him from our presence.

I meet Lucien in the grand foyer. He looks incredibly dazzling in a white shirt and a green vest. His wild red hair has been tamed into a singular braid stretching down his back. Our eyes meet as he quirks a brow.

“Going somewhere, my lady?”

“Ah yes, my lord. I am to visit the nearby village.”

“Shall I accompany you my dear?”

“If you must.”

We share a giggle at our easy rapport.

Lucien and I are too invested in our conversation that we fail to notice the village grow closer. Although we are good friends, I had not yet noticed how truly easy he is to talk to. I had known him since his stay at The Spring Court. Being the previous emissary to The Night Court, I made it a point o get to know the others that serve as messengers for the other courts. Out of all the other emissaries, Lucien was the only one to become a friend. It was only with the burden of unrequited love that we began to drift apart.

We walk together down through the lanes of the quaint village. Glancing at all the stores lining the streets. There are many art stores, reminding me of my friend Feyre. I did feel bad for leaving without more of an explanation, but I knew if I had said anything more my friends would try to hold me back from leaving.

Our strolling comes to a brief pause as we reach a jewellery store. A deep blue gem glaring back at me through the window.

“How are you holding up?” Lucien asks me, breaking our comfortable silence.

“A lot better than I thought I would be,” I respond truthfully, “I almost think that being in his presence was making my feelings stronger than they originally were. Sure, I still have some semblance of love for Azriel. But it is not the very thing that powers my body anymore. I feel like I am no longer under cupid’s control. And yourself?”

“That is good to hear. I am partly the same. The more I think of Elain, the less I think I truly loved her. If it weren’t for the bond, I would not have looked at her as more of a friend. It feels like my emotions were crafted. Like they weren’t truly mine. This break will be good for us, but I must ask. Do you see this as a permanent solution?”

His question leaves me stumped. I hadn’t thought about the length of my stay in The Day Court. Though with every passing minute that I spend here, the more I’m certain that this is where I wish to be.

“Well, I guess I will see how I feel in a few months’ time. Helion has been gracious enough to extend this visit for as long as we wish, but I would hate to take advantage of our friend. Though, if I am to stay for a while, I should probably look for a job here. I would hate to take advantage of such a kind man. How long would you like to stay?”

“I am sure Helion would hate to think you feel as if you are taking advantage of him. I’ve not spent much time with him, but I can already see his friends mean a lot to him. He very likely enjoys your company here too. I have also been thinking about how long I would like to stay. I believe that depends on what I find out about how, or if, I am related to Helion.”

“Ah, so you have heard the rumours then?”

“Of course. They are hard to ignore. I could always see how different I was from my brothers. They all treated me like a stranger because of our differences. Although, not Eris. He is not like the others describe him. He has his reasons for how he treated Morrigan. But that is besides the point. I wish to explore the relationship between Helion and my mother as well. I guess if it turns out I am Helion’s son, I shall be staying… if he will have me.”

“He will have you, Lucien. I just know it. He already loves you, son or not. Come, let us head back to the palace. Maybe we can ask around and see what we find out?”

Leaving the jewellery store behind, we head back to the palace. On our journey back we notice more than we did on the way there. The cute little stone schoolyard is the first to steal our attention. Squeals of delight and playful giggling make my heart feel lighter.

A little boy and a little girl rush past us. They were holding hands, shouting ‘I love you!’ to each other. Lucien and I share a shy glance before continuing our journey back home.

The palace is empty when we arrive, ruining our plans to investigate the rumours on Lucien’s parentage. Helion was not set to arrive back home until the evening, so we decide to spend the remaining few hours reading yet again. If this what a life free of Azriel looks like, then I have truly been missing out.

“I am going to change into something more comfortable. This dress, although pretty, is dangerously tight!”

“Aw did you get dressed up for me dear Y/N? How sweet.” Lucien teases. We stay in our comfortable silence for a while more, simply admiring the other. How had I truly missed out on how beautiful this male was? I must have been completely blinded by my own infatuation.

It is hard not to miss the look in Lucien’s eyes. That of longing, happiness and something else. I think back on the day we shared, when I am struck by a question that I had stuck in my head since I met Lucien at the door this morning.

“Was this a date Lucien?”

“Perhaps it was?”

“Then maybe you should walk me to my door?”

“I would love nothing more”.

He guides me up the golden stairs, down the winding hallway, through our warm shared space and to my own large doors. Our positioning reminds me of the night before. Of our heartfelt talk that led to Lucien kissing me…

“Are you going to kiss me again, Lucien?”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Maybe on our second date?”

“Ah, so this was a date then.”

“I’ll see you later, Lucien.”

I leave him with a flirtatious smile. I hadn’t felt like this since I first stated to sleep with Azr- No. I will not compare how I feel for Lucien to how I felt with Azriel.

This is new. This is real.

[jungmeowz]

⋆˚࿔ in every timeline; i love you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

summary: in each timeline you’re always going to love park sunghoon, but in each timeline does he love you too?

pairing: park sunghoon x y/n; ft. Sim Jaeyun

genre: angst, fluff... happy ending!

tw; pregnancy , death jokes, depression, mental health, etc… I might miss some, to be warned!

wc: 7.4k!

⋆˚࿔ in every timeline; i love you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ masterlist

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ ° ᡣ𐭩 . °

a/n; i apologize for the longest update... things have been hectic for me... but finally this is here! The second route... i hope you enjoy!! tysm for reading!

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pls read prologue in order to understand this route

prologue

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Full circle; it was fate

After your break up with Sunghoon, you were a disaster, you cried a lot, more than you would like, but it didn’t help that your hormones were also messing with you because you were pregnant. There were many moments you wanted to spiral and drink but you knew better, and there were times you wanted to quit and give up on yourself but you really knew better and didn’t want to harm the baby. After many countless days of thinking, you decided to keep the baby because you couldn’t bear to abort it, nor could you bear to give it away. Your decision was to keep it, but to not tell Sunghoon, you were planning to keep this a secret away from him, there were times you felt bad and felt like you should’ve told him, but even when you felt like that, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him.

You kept in touch with Dr.Choi and would go do your daily check-ups with him and he was very supportive with your whole process, the first time you came for your check-up he did ask you about your significant other and was wondering if there would be a dad in the baby’s life, you shook your head in response. He frowned but also reassured you that it’s okay and that if there was anything that you needed from him he would be there. You smiled and thanked him for his help and told him that you were going to probably leave town when you were gonna get bigger and it was going to be noticeable that you were pregnant, he then recommended some doctors you could visit to help with your pregnancy. 

In the end you never told anyone that you were pregnant, you left school without saying anything and you left your family as well. You never told anyone about the baby, nor did you want to. You instead cut contact with everyone, changed your number and made sure there wasn’t any way people could contact you except for Dr. Choi because he was the only one you could trust. 

In the beginning when you moved away to a little town, things were overwhelming, you needed to find a place to stay that was decent enough for you and the baby, you needed to find a decent job that would help pay expenses. Initially you were really off by yourself and you really didn’t know if you could handle it or not, but you wanted to do everything you can for this baby. Even though you were still fighting your inner demons you really cared a lot about this baby and you wanted to do as much as you can for the baby. Of course, there were still moments you thought about Sunghoon and cried about him, and it’s not like you never stopped loving him, you still loved him alot, but there were other things you were too focused on to think about, but you realized all the love you had for Sunghoon it was never going to go away, especially when you were going to have his child, this was the only thing that kept you connected to Sunghoon and it was something you were okay with, because it wasn’t like he was ever going to find out. 

Time-Skip…

After a couple weeks, you were finally able to settle down and in, you were able to find a place that was decent enough for yourself and the baby, and you were lucky enough to find a job where the owners were very thoughtful and considerate of your situation. They were like a second family to you, they made sure if you were okay, and would ask if there was anything that you needed, and made sure to feed you. You felt really lucky being in this little town and you felt glad that when the baby was born they would be living in a healthy and loving environment. 

It was the week you would be able to find out the gender of your baby and you were nervous, to be honest you really wanted a girl, you’ve always wanted a girl, but if the baby was a boy, it didn’t matter to you. Regardless you were going to love this baby with your whole heart and give it your all. You were heading to your doctor's appointment and as you walked in you saw Dr. Choi standing at the door, you smiled and waved to him, and he waved back. You asked him what he was doing here and he replied to you saying that he also wanted to be here and see the gender of the baby but also wanted to make sure things were okay. You smiled and nodded, and as you’re laying down and the doctor is looking, he reveals to you that it’s a girl! You’re crying with joy and your face is full of tears, both of the doctors congratulate you and you thanked them. 

More time-skip… 

A couple months have passed and you’re close to your due date, things around the town have become a little hectic, along the way you’ve met amazing people who have helped and supported you and your needs as it was getting harder and harder for you to move around and do things. Occasionally you would think about your old life, your friends and family but you tried really hard not to think about it too much because most of the time you would end up having a mental breakdown, and it didn’t help that you were still hung-up on Sunghoon. There were many times you would think about him, and hoped he was doing well and he was happy but then you would brush it off because there were other things you had to focus on. 

During your pregnancy, you met this guy and at first you thought he was weirdo because during your daily walks in the morning you would always see him walk his dog in the morning and he would always talk to his dog like it was his girlfriend or something. Occasionally you would give him a weird look, but he would wave to you and smile like he was just a normal guy.

It wasn’t until one day you decided to take a break from your walk and sat down trying to catch a breather, you saw him walking and accidently made eye contact with him, his dog saw you and started to get distracted and ran over towards you wanting to sniff you and be petted. Gradually he ended up being pulled by his dog, but you didn’t care, you just wanted to pet the dog. 

“Sorry about that, she’s really friendly and I guess she’s taken a liking to you,” he said.

“It’s okay,” you smiled. “I don’t mind,” 

“My name's Jaeyun by the way, but you can call me Jake,” he smiled. 

“I’m y/n,” you replied. 

“I see that you’re slowly getting bigger, may I ask the gender?” Jake asked. 

“It’s a girl,” you smiled as you rubbed your belly. 

“That’s nice to hear!” he replied. “By the way, I noticed you were by yourself, is there anyone with you to help out?”

“No, it’s just me, but I think everything will be okay. I’ll make sure of it,” you laughed. 

“Well, if you ever need anything just let me know. I’m actually down the street, and if you ever want to pet Layla or see her, you’re more than welcome too!” 

“Thanks for the offer, but are you sure you want me around?” you joked. 

“I don’t see why not?” he questioned. 

“Are you sure you want a pregnant girl around you,” you chuckled. “I don’t want to scare your chances of getting a girlfriend, or be a problem to your girlfriend,” 

“Well for one, I don’t even have one, so don’t even worry about it,”

“Right, because your dog is the girlfriend,” 

“Very funny, I’ll have you know, Layla is just like my baby okay,” 

“I don’t know man,” you joked. “Everytime I do my daily walks, I always see you talk to her as if she’s like the love of your life,”

“Okay and? I’m a lover dog boy, what can I say,” 

You laughed at his comment, it’s been awhile since you’ve laughed like this. 

“You know, I’m a stranger and all, but you should laugh more. I don’t really ever see you laugh, but it suits you,” 

“Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve laughed,” 

“Well with me around, you’ll be laughing a lot more,”

“Thanks, but if this is you’re way trying to flirt with me, it ain’t going to happen”

“Awh man, I didn’t even get the chance to even ask her out,” he said to his dog. “I’m kidding, believe me, I’m not that kind of guy,” 

“I just had to lay it out there, just in case,”

“I get it, and it’s understandable,”

There was a bit of a silence in the conversation, but it didn’t bother you. In a way the silence was comforting but you could tell on the look on his face he wanted to continue the conversation. It seemed like he was hesitant to speak as if he was afraid it could set you off, but you sat there and waited for him to speak.

“So are you really alone here in this town?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah, I left town and cut contact with everyone,” you replied. 

“Why?” 

You were silent for a couple of seconds, debating and thinking whether you should’ve told him about your situation. 

“Sorry, if that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer,” 

“It’s okay, to be honest… I’m not the best person when it comes to dealing my problems,”

“What does that mean?” 

“I’m a runner,” you laughed. 

“Don’t tell me you’re a criminal that’s on the run,”

“Very funny, no. I just tend to run away from my problems,”

“It’s understandable, we all have those moments,”

“Yeah, but it’s really bad for me, hence why I’m here,”

“So nobody knows where you are?”

“Nope,”

“You must’ve been lonely,”

“Not really. I’m kinda used to it,” you shrugged. 

“But still, you’ve been all alone this whole time. Are you okay?”

It had been a while since you’ve talked to someone, let alone it’s been a while since someone asked you if you were okay. You forgot this feeling, that there was someone that cared. You were so used to being alone, forgetting those questions exist, you were starting to get teary. 

“I’m sorry!” he panicked. 

“It’s okay… It's just been awhile since someone asked me if I was okay. The words feel foreign” you laughed as you wiped the tears away. “I think I’m okay…Well, not really, but I know eventually I will be okay,”

“You know in this town, no one is really alone, but I’ll always be here, if you ever need anything,” he reassured. 

“Thanks,” you smiled. 

“So… I’m also assuming the father doesn’t know?” he asked as he pointed to your belly. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t. I don’t really plan on telling him either,” 

“How come?”

“Back then… he really seemed relieved when I lied to him about not being pregnant. So I just assumed,” 

“Wow, what a jerk,”

You laughed at his comment, and rubbed your belly out of comfort.

“Not really. He’s actually a good person. I’m not, unfortunately. Back then maybe I shouldn’t have lied, but I was scared. Everything he said, he wasn’t wrong at the time, but I’m also sure he was also scared too,”

“I think you’re a good person,”

“Not really. I mean he broke up with me when I kept pushing him away”

“I think he should’ve fought for you and stayed with you still,”

“He could’ve… but you know, I should’ve communicated and not run away from my problems either,” 

“Do you still think about him?”

“I try not to, but when you’re carrying his child… It’s hard sometimes,”

“What about loving him? Do you still love him?”

It was another foreign sentence to your ears. You’ve only ever encountered those things through your mind. So hearing those words out loud while being asked made you go into a deep thought. Truth be told, even if you thought about those things, it’s not like you spent hours thinking about it. You’ve always tried avoiding those thoughts and if they came you would try to move on from it as fast as you could. 

“Yeah… I do love him alot, and I think I’m always going to love him. He’s the love of my life. In every timeline there is, I think I’ll always love him. He’s my first love, my first for everything, but you know sometimes loving wasn’t going to be enough for us to be together,”

“Maybe you loved too hard, and he didn’t,” 

“No, he definitely had a lot of love. But it’s me, I’m the culprit. I pushed him away,”

“Why? Why would you do that if you loved him so much?”

“Just because I love him, it never meant to me that I deserved him back then and now. I think he deserves someone better than me,”

“But did he ever say that to you? That he deserves someone better than you?” 

“No, but I don’t think him saying I deserved him was going to be enough for me to stop thinking like that,” 

“And why not?”

“Because these are my inner demons fighting. He can’t fight them if they’re my problems,”

“It doesn’t mean he can’t help you,”

“But I don’t want his help, this is something I wanted to solve and fix,”

“That’s very stubborn of you, but you know it’s not always bad to accept help,”

“You’re not wrong, but I just couldn’t let him help me on this one,” 

“So what happens if you ever run into him and he sees you with her,” 

“I don’t know, I never really thought about it,” you shrugged. “Besides, I don’t think I’ll run into him anyways,”

“You never know,”

“Then I guess… I would try to hide? And probably avoid him?”

“Even if you saw him? You wouldn’t tell him?”

“I can’t. Can you imagine? There are things he doesn’t need to know, and in this case… I really don’t think he should know about this,” 

“But… he’ll eventually figure it out. I mean it’s his daughter after all,”

“In the far future he’ll probably learn, but right now he won’t and that’s all that matters right now. That’s a future problem that will probably bite me in the ass, but I don’t care right now,”

Jake looked at you and sighed and shrugged it off. You knew he was trying to help you, but despite sensing the help you really didn’t want it. He didn’t try to pick a fight, you could tell he knew better not to pick a fight with a pregnant girl that was close to her due date. There was a brief moment of silence, until you realized you both spent a lot of time talking to each other. You took a deep breath and bent down to pet his dog one last time and stood up. 

“Thanks for talking with me. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to someone like this, in a way it was comforting,” you smiled. 

“Hey, anytime. If you need anything, I’m just down the street. I should also get going, but it was nice to talk to you and meet you!” Jake said. 

“I’ll see you around!” you waved. 

“Feel free visit Layla! Also more then welcome to bring the little one, when she’s born,”

“We’ll see, but thank you Jake,” 

Three months later; baby is born

Ever since your conversation with Jake, the both of you became close, and he helped you out with everything. At first you were scared that things between you guys would become complicated just because you were scared of maybe falling in love with him, or he would fall in love with you, but in the end it worked out well for you. In the end you viewed him as an older brother and he viewed you as a little sister which you were thankful for. You were very much thankful for Jake, and for all the times he came by with his dog, or to help you out with chores, you were thankful to have someone around during these times, because honestly you didn’t think you could handle it towards the end. 

Thankfully your baby was delivered safely and she was healthy as ever, there were many tears when she was born, you were overwhelmed with the feeling because you waited so long for her to come, but also mortified how to be able to take care of her, but you wanted to believe you could, and you were confident in one thing only and it was to show her how much you loved her. Realistically when she was born you didn’t know how to name her, there were a few names you thought of but you were still confused, you felt guilty naming her knowing Sunghoon wouldn’t know about this, and he wouldn’t have a say, so you wanted the name to be perfect. In the end you named her Aera. 

Three months have passed and Aera was now three months old, needless to say you knew taking care of a baby was hard, but you didn’t know to what extent it would be hard. There were many moments you were fatigue and exhausted and you were so thankful there were moments Jake would be there to help you out. He would come by to visit and say hello and make sure everything was okay, truth be told you knew he wanted to stop by just to see Aera. 

When Aera was born, aside from you, he was the next person who held her, he looked so excited and happy to hold her it did bring a smile to your face, but in your heart you felt a little bit sad and wished it was Sunghoon who held her second but that was impossible, but you were glad that if it wasn’t Sunghoon, it was at least someone you knew you could trust. 

Initially when Aera was born, you barely had time to go out, something that you missed was your daily walks. You wanted to take Aera on daily walks but you were scared she would get sick or not enjoy walks, so you never bothered trying. It wasn’t until Jake managed to convince you and you finally caved in. A sense of relief left your body when you realized Aera really enjoyed being outside and enjoyed the walking, and ever since then you incorporated daily walks back into your routine. 

It was normal day where it was time for your daily walk, usually on your walks it was just you and Aera, but today you invited Jake and his dog along with your walk, he was kinda shocked you invited him because he knew how much you liked your alone time with Aera despite spending most of your day with her at home. But there was something different spending time with Aera while walking outside and being one with nature. 

“How’s Aera today?” Jake asked. 

“She’s good, you know I’ve always read my fair share of stories of how it’s really hard to take care of babies, or some babies are really hard to take care of, but with Aera she’s perfect. She never cries, and when she does it’s just because she’s hungry or her diaper is making her uncomfortable, but other than that she’s perfectly fine. I’m so blessed she’s so easy to take care of, but I’m so blessed that she’s my baby, I love her so much,” you replied. 

“I’m glad! I know you were scared in the beginning, but I’m glad Aera isn’t a stinker! Could you imagine,” Jake laughed. 

“Even if she was, I still would love her, but I probably would lose my mind if she was a stinker,”

As you and Jake were walking, you guys were just talking about your guys life and Aera’s future. And slowly you noticed Aera started to drift off to sleep when you were pushing the stroller, as the both of you were walking you realized you needed to make a quick stop at the store to buy some baby essentials for Aera. You asked Jake if he could watch Aera really quickly as you could get the essentials you needed. He nodded and stood there as you left running quickly to get the essentials you needed. 

Sunghoon’s P.O.V

It had been a while since I took a vacation, to be honest I didn’t want to go anywhere loud, so I looked into some places that seemed quiet and relaxing. To my surprise I was able to find a quiet small village that seemed peaceful, so I decided to take the initiative to head over there. As I was walking around the area, I couldn’t help but feel at ease, it was so quiet and peaceful, it made me realize that I definitely prefer this kind of area then a loud city place. I was set on trying to find a place to stay since it was sort of a last minute place, as I was walking around I saw a familiar face, it was Jake! A childhood friend that I haven’t seen in literal ages, the last time I saw him was when we were eight, and I had to move due to family reasons. I made my way walking towards him and as I got closer to him I noticed he was holding on to a stroller rocking it back and forth. I didn’t realize Jake already had a kid and was married, I wondered. As I got closer I called out his name and he turned around and saw me calling his name, he squinted to try to see who was calling his name, and then I saw his eyes widened as he realized that it was me. 

“Sunghoon!!!” he waved eagerly. “It’s been so long! It’s so nice to see you!”

“Jake!! It’s so nice to see you. I didn’t realize you would be here,” I replied.

When I got closer to Jake, we both opened our arms wide and gave each other a long reunion hug, because it had been ages since we’ve seen each other. When we finished hugging, I looked at him and then I looked at the baby. She looked so cute and precious that I was awed. 

“I didn’t realize you had a kid,” I said. “She’s very cute!”

“Oh! She’s not mine… She’s my friend, I’m actually just watching her because she needed to make a quick errand,” he replied. 

“Oh so girlfriend?” I asked. 

“Nah, it’s not like that. She’s a very good friend, she’s like a little sister to me, we were just walking and she realized she needed to make a quick stop, she didn’t want to bring Aera in because she was scared it would wake her up,”

“I see! Her name is Aera? That’s a very cute name for a very cute baby,” I smiled. 

“She’s honestly the cutest and the sweetest, I’m glad she’s not giving y/n a hard time,” 

My body froze, surely it wasn’t the same y/n I was thinking of, but then again it’s been literal months since I’ve heard from her, or seen her. When we broke up, it was super hard to get over it, and needless to say, I’m not exactly over her, but that's beside the point. She stopped showing up to school one day, and never came back. I tried asking her friends, but her friends knew nothing either, that’s when I realized she cut contact with everyone and disappeared. I even tried looking for her but there was no trace of her, so I felt like I had to give up. When it came to y/n, I knew she liked running away from her problems, but I didn’t know it would ever reach this extent. It made me really sad and it broke my heart, but by then when I figured out she was gone, there was nothing I could do. 

“Hey! Sorry for the wait up! The line was long,” she said. 

My ears perked up, and when I saw her talking to Jake, I realized it was indeed the one and only y/n. 

“No problem! Aera is still asleep anyways so it’s okay. Oh! This is Sunghoon by the way, we’re childhood friends!” Jake said.

I looked at her and her eyes widened and she stayed silent and didn’t say anything, I was so caught off guard that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, and as I was about to say something she cut me off. 

“Oh… It’s nice to meet you, I actually have to get going! I’ll see you around Jake!” She said, 

“Wait, let us walk you home at least?” he asked. 

“No, it’s okay. You and Sunghoon should catch up, besides Aera is sleeping, I should take her home so she’s more comfortable,” she replied. 

“Okay, well let me know if you need anything!” Jake said.

I felt hurt and sad, she pretended she didn’t know me and tried to leave as fast as she could, it’s no surprise she would try to run away from me, but the fact she acted like we didn’t know each other really hurt. She was my first love, she’s still someone I’m in love with, how could she do that to me. More importantly… Was that her baby? Who’s the dad? Is that why she left and disappeared, she went and eloped? I stood there in shock until Jake looked at me trying to call out my name. 

“Hello? Sunghoon? Are you there?” Jake asked. “Why didn’t you greet her? You know she’s actually a really nice person”

“How do you exactly know her?” I asked. 

“Oh we met a couple months ago, she moved here not too long ago,” he replied. 

“Did she move here with someone?” 

“Why are you interested in her?” he joked. “No, she came here all by herself,”

“Wait… so is Aera not her baby?”

“No, Aera is her baby. She came to this town when she was pregnant, and gave birth to Aera in this town. She told me she cut contact with everyone before coming here. She wanted a fresh start with Aera“

“Where’s the dad?”

“There’s no dad… she never told him. She left and kept it a secret,” he replied. “So like… are you interested in her or something? Why do you keep asking about her?” 

“And if I was, what about it?” I answered. 

“Well good luck, she’s turned down so many guys, despite having a baby, you would be shocked how many guys have asked her out on dates,” he chuckled. 

“Any particular reason?”

“The main reason is probably because she wants to focus on Aera, but I think truthfully speaking, I don’t think she’s over her ex. She doesn’t talk about him much, but for all the times we’ve talked about him, anyone could tell she wasn’t over him, but I mean Aera is her ex’s baby, so in a way… That doesn’t help either,” 

My eyes widened, it finally clicked to me why she pushed me away, why she left, why she cut contact with everyone, it was because of me, it was because she lied to me. She lied about her pregnancy. I was filled with anger and rage, how could she lie to me? How could she not tell me? I would’ve stayed, I would’ve helped. There were so many questions running through my head, but the conclusion was I needed to talk to her. 

“Jake, where does she live?” I asked angrily. 

“Woah dude, why are you angry,” he asked. “What’s going on?”

“Because I just realized that Aera is my kid, and she lied to me,” 

Jake’s mouth dropped and he then immediately covered his mouth in shock and then he looked at you and pointed. 

“You’re the ex????” He asked. “Then why did she act like she didn’t know you,”

“Because she’s running away from her problems, that’s y/n for her. I know her like a book,” I replied. 

“So you’re her first love, you know it makes sense why Aera kinda looks like you,” 

“As much as that’s nice to hear, it’s not the time to think about that. I need to talk to her, show me where she lives,” 

“What if she doesn’t want to talk to you Sunghoon,”

“She has too! She literally hid a whole baby from me???”

“Okay, but she has her reasons,” 

“And? Her reasons are not excuses. This is the baby we’re talking about, my baby!”

“Sunghoon, I get it you’re mad, but calm down before talking to her. I mean you saw Aera, she’s asleep, what if you barge in and wake her up,” 

“Fine, I’ll calm down. But you still have to show me her place,” I replied. “I’ll calm down as we’re walking to her place. I promise.” 

Jake looked at me with uncertainty, but I looked at him and he gave in and put his hands up and surrendered. He sighed and started walking towards the path that would lead us back to her house. As we were walking, there were so many thoughts running through my head. Truthfully, I wanted to lash out on her, but Jake was right. I really didn’t want to wake up Aera if it was the case she was sleeping, but I also didn’t want Aera to see me, or hear me yell at y/n either. In time, the walk to her place was quite a while, which did give me time to take a breather and calm down, and as we arrived at her door, Jake looked at me and he sighed. 

“I know you’re angry and have the right to be, but please be easy on her. Things haven’t been easy for her as well. I know it was wrong of her to keep this a secret because even though I tried to convince her, she really couldn’t bring herself to tell you,” Jake said. 

All I could do was nod and look at him, he pats on the shoulder and walks away, I watched him walk down another path assuming it was back to his house and when he disappeared out of sight, I looked back at her door and heavily sighed and knocked. 

y/n p.o.v

Honestly when seeing Sunghoon you were in shock, never in a million years would you think you would see Sunghoon so soon. Let alone, you really thought you would have to face him when Aera would be way much older, but she was only three months. When you saw Sunghoon you didn’t know how to respond, you panicked and acted like you didn’t know him, and before he could say anything, you tried to leave as fast as you could so you wouldn’t have to deal with the problem, but you were also mortified if he figured out that Aera was his baby. 

On your way back to your house, you safely put Aera on her bed watching her sleep soundly, she really was your pride and joy, it always amazed you how she had the majority of Sunghoon’s features especially the mole placements on her face. You weren’t going to lie, everytime you saw Aera, there were times you got sad because how much she reminded you of Sunghoon, but you didn’t want to be sad around Aera, and you also didn’t want use Aera as the reason to be sad and blame her, it wasn’t her fault she looked like Sunghoon, after all Aera is Sunghoon’s baby. You truly loved Aera with all your heart and it was something that was never going to change. As you watched her soundly asleep you heard the doorbell ring, you really didn’t think twice who would be at your door, so you opened it without hesitation. 

It was an instant regret when you realized that it was Sunghoon at your door, your eyes widened and you quickly tried closing the door on him, but he was faster than you and stopped the door from closing. 

“We need to talk, and I will not take no for an answer,” he said sternly. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you replied. 

“y/n I’m not dumb. I know Aera is my daughter," he said. “I’m mad but I won’t raise my voice, I just want to talk,” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Sunghoon. Aera’s not your baby, so don’t even worry about it,” 

“Stop lying, Jake told me everything, and I connected the dots, let alone I saw her myself, and she literally has some of my features!”

You sighed in defeat and opened the door widely motioning him to come in, he looked at you and around the place, you closed the door and guided him into the living room where the couch was and gestured him to sit down. 

“Aera is sleeping, so if we’re going to talk, let’s talk in a normal voice, no yelling. I know you’re angry, but for the sake of Aera don’t yell and wake her up,” you said. 

“Okay, first off. How could you hide this from me?” Sunghoon asked. “Did you think I was never going to find out?”

“I didn’t think you would find out this quickly, I knew it would eventually happen… but I assumed probably when she was older and would be curious about you,” You replied while avoiding eye contact with him and looking down towards the floor.

“And what if she wasn’t curious about me? You were just going to continue keeping me in the dark?”

“And so what if that was the plan, why would it matter to you, it’s not like you were going to find out if I kept it as a secret,” 

“Because it’s my kid! It’s my baby too!” he said angrily.

You looked at him taken back by his tone, he didn’t yell but you could tell his tone was furious at you for hiding something like this from him, you knew he had the right to be upset but you never saw him like this, and before you could reply you looked at him and there were tears in his eyes. It’s rare to see Sunghoon cry, but when he cries you know he can’t stop crying, and he's deeply hurt. It’s been a while since you’ve seen Sunghoon, let alone, it’s been a long long time seeing him cry and it really did break your heart, you could feel the tears come up, but tried to push them down, because you knew you had no right to cry in this position. 

“I’m so hurt, you don’t even understand how much this hurts. How could you lie to me? How could you leave me in the dark like this? If I had known, I would’ve stayed, I would’ve fought for us. Why would you lie and run away from me? If you didn’t want to be with me, you could’ve just told me, why lie?” he cried. 

“Sunghoon…  How could I not lie to you? When I did, you felt so relieved that I wasn’t pregnant, you felt so glad, how could I tell you then? You said it yourself that there was no way we were going to be able to support the baby, so how could I not lie?”

“That’s the issue! It’s the fact that you still managed to support the baby without me, it’s the fact that I couldn’t be there to support you, and you had to deal with all of this by yourself. What happened to being a team? What happened to just you and me, and no one else?” 

“How… How can you stand here and still worry about me despite everything that I just hid from you? How can you be so focused on this when you should be yelling at me for everything I’ve done,”

“Because I still love you! I’m still in love with you! I never stopped loving you y/n. I’m so mad at the fact that you went through all of this alone, without me, because I would’ve been here if I knew. I would’ve dropped everything just for us to go through this together, but the fact that you had to deal with this all alone? For christ sake, you left your old life just for my sake? You don’t think that hurts me? It’s like basically saying I’m the reason your life is ruined and you had to run away,”

“Don’t say it like that. Being pregnant with Aera did not ruin my life, I made the decision to leave on my own accord, I kept Aera and lied to you because I wanted too, it was based on my decisions and thoughts,” 

“That’s also another problem, you made the decisions all by yourself, you jumped into conclusion that these would be the best decisions without even asking me for my input? You were carrying my baby? I should have a say in this, shouldn’t I?”

He was right, he was always right, you knew he was right which is why you couldn’t even bring yourself to respond. He looked at you with teary eyes, and shook his head in disbelief. You didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t something you had prepared, this wasn’t something you had planned to happen, but it did. You felt guilty and ashamed and didn’t know what to do, you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him anymore because you were scared. 

“I’m sorry,” You apologized. “I’m sorry for hiding this from you. I just really thought you didn’t want to have a baby in your life, and you sounded so relieved when I lied. I panicked and didn’t know what to do. I ran away like a coward because it’s the only way I know how to solve my problems. I should’ve known better, but I didn't want to. You’re right, you’re always right, I should’ve told you, I should’ve communicated, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a terrible person, I’m sorry for making decisions without you, I’m sorry for everything,” 

Tears were flowing out of your eyes and everything that was pent up for the last couple of months had been catching up to you, you tried really hard not to cry, but after apologizing so many times for so many things, you couldn’t help but cry.

“Don’t cry, I don’t think you’re a terrible person, I think you’re terrible for hiding this from me and trying to keep it as a secret, but I don’t think you’re a terrible person. I’m just really hurt, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, because I know you like a book, you have your reasons but regardless I’m just still hurt by this all. I just wished you told me about this, I really would’ve stayed and supported us. I’m just so hurt, mad, and sad that you had to deal with this all by yourself. I really can’t imagine how you were able to do this all by yourself,”

“You can’t say that to me Sunghoon, how can you still be so caring after all of this, I don’t deserve you or this,”

“But you don’t get to decide that. y/n when are you going to realize who I deserve, and who I want to be with, and who makes me happy, etc. It’s me who gets to decide that, and my decision has always been you, and it’s never changed. I may be mad and upset for everything that’s been going on, but it hasn’t made me stopped loving you,”

“But what’s so great about me, how can you still love me after everything that has happened,”

“I don’t think you understand, and maybe you won’t ever but I think you’re an amazing, strong, talented girl. You managed to take care of a baby all by yourself, you left home and started a new life, I know it wasn’t easy to do all of these things but it really shows how much of strong person you are, and Aera is lucky to have you as a mom,”

“I’m sorry, to be honest, I don���t know how I did it, it was really lonely being here, during my months being pregnant, I was all alone, occasionally the elderly's would come by and help out, and Jake would come visit, but truthfully speaking it was really lonely here, but when Aera was born it wasn’t so lonely. She’s my pride and joy and I love her so much,”

There was a pause in your sentence, you debated whether you should be honest with your feelings or keep it as a secret, but at this point you knew better especially if Sunghoon was right in front of you. 

“I love you Sunghoon, I also never stopped loving you, I’ve always thought about it, but in every timeline there is I think I knew I was always going to love you, but I was never sure you would feel the same way. You were and still are my first love, and I wouldn’t change it for the world,” 

“y/n, I don’t think you get it, I'm in love with you, and I was always so sure that I was always going to love you no matter what. In every timeline there is, I think we were destined to be together, like it was fate,” 

You wiped your tears aways and smiled at him, he looks at you and gives you a warm smile, he stands up and opens his arms, you walk to him and he embraces you in a hug. The same scent that has never changed, the warm comforting embrace that felt like home to you, this was something you missed and longed for. You snuggle into his chest for a little bit more and then look up towards him and he looks down at you. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. 

You nod and he leans in on the kiss and lays his lips onto yours. It’s like nothing has ever changed, the same spark in your heart, the pit of butterflies you get when his lips are on yours, you can feel him smiling as he kisses you and you pull back wanting to catch your breath, he tries to lean in for another kiss but Aera interrupts you with her crying. 

“It’s Aera, I think she’s awake,” you said. 

He looks at you and nods, he’s hesitant to ask but he still asks you anyways. 

“Can I see her… and hold her?” he asks shyly. 

“Yeah, here follow me,” you answered. 

You grab his hand and take him to your room where Aera is, she’s crying but when you walk towards her with Sunghoon, she sees the both of you and stops crying, you smile at her and pick her up. Sunghoon looks at you and then at Aera, feeling really nervous, and you tell him to put his arms out to hold her, he panics and quickly puts his arms out, you show him how to hold her and before you know she close to his chest and he has a full view of her face close to him. 

“Hi Aera, I know I’m late, but it’s nice to meet you,” Sunghoon smiled. 

You look at Sunghoon who’s carrying Aera carefully and you can’t help but smile, never in a million years would you ever think this would happen, it’s something you never would’ve imagined because it seemed too good to be true, but the feeling was so overwhelming you couldn't help but cry. Sunghoon heard the small sniffles and looked at you. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“Nothing, I never thought this would happen, and I never thought it would make me so happy,” you sniffled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry, I’m just really happy,”

He smiles at you and then he looks at Aera again, but this time when Sunghoon smiles at Aera she smiles back at him and he’s filled with joy. 

“y/n did you see that, she smiled at me!” he said. “I think she knows who I am!”

“Maybe she does,” you replied. “It seems like we ended up in a full circle, maybe you are right, maybe this was fate,” 

a/n; tysm for reading if you made it this far... this was really hard for me to write in a way but I also did enjoy writing this route alot!!

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ ° ᡣ𐭩 . °

[nottyourlover]

Broken Bonds - ch 2

a/n: prolly 4 ch's now :) sorry this took 800 years i kinda put off writing this bc i didnt want to disappoint but here it is.

ALSO SORRY THERE WILL MOST LIKELY BE ~7 WEEKS OF HIATUS AFTER THIS.

series summary: as azriel leaves for a long mission in vallahan, you find that clinging onto old bonds does nothing to heal them.

contains: angst, still mental health themes, pregnant y/n, off-page death, language. slowburn ???????

word count: 8506 (oh gosh)

ch 1 // ch 3

***

Many weeks passed, and with each day, the void left by Azriel's absence grew wider, but luckily you found yourself surrounded with some of the best people in the world, you thought. As always, Feyre was wonderful; she helped you get out of bed, she re-ignited your passions. She listened to you vent about your relationship, gave you advice and she constantly surprised you, always with a little gift from a new store in The Rainbow. However, one of the best surprises you received didn't come from Feyre.

About two weeks after Azriel's departure you had received a letter from your childhood friend Aiden and his now fiance, Malakai. You couldn't believe it, because it had been centuries since you'd seen Aiden, let alone been contacted by him, but on the other hand you saw Malakai weekly. He was Cassian's right-hand man, and you learnt from him after the wedding that Aiden had become a healer who travelled around Prythian, practicing in all the courts. Their jobs were different in every way, but they complemented each other perfectly.

It was unexpected, the letter, but you couldn't have been happier to hear from them, especially because the envelope held an invitation their wedding.

The wedding was a modest celebration, but all the Inner Court members attended to show their support for the happy couple. Kai had known Cassian, Rhys and Azriel for years, since training together for the Blood Rite, and had stayed in touch for centuries after. He was now Cassian's Lieutenant General who commanded the Night Court's forces where Cassian was otherwise preoccupied with Inner Circle business. You knew him from the occasional training session, and you were glad that the two of you had gotten a lot closer after the wedding. He had become fast friends with the rest of the Inner Circle, and after the wedding Aiden also befriended them. It was almost laughable how you had managed to miss that the male Kai talked so fondly about, the healer that had stolen his heart, was your friend. Your Aiden.

Even if the last few months of your own life were less than ideal, the newly-wed couple had become your rocks, and you knew they would eventually become amazing parents since they were so doting towards you and your baby.

You were still early in your pregnancy but careful nonetheless. Although you still planned to work for as long as you could in an attempt to maintain some sense of normalcy, you quickly realised that it was going to be somewhat of a struggle hiding your pregnancy from the rest of the Inner Circle for any longer. Training was not any easier as no one suspected anything, and Mor and Cass still held their monthly game nights when they drank like there was no tomorrow.

Under Feyre's insistence, you had lessened your field work and so majority of your days consisted of writing letters to the other High Lords and leaders in attempt to strengthen alliances and unite the various factions within Prythian, hoping that it would create a better world for your child to grow up in. Due to past efforts, relations with the Day, Dawn, Summer and Winter courts were strong, and you were certain you had their support. The Spring Court with Tamlin, and Autumn with Beron were other matters, however. Perhaps you would ask Feyre to use her sway with Lucien who could convince Tamlin to at least reply to one of your letters, but you had recently heard Lucian say that he had not visited Spring in a long while, instead opting to stay with the Band of Exiles. Then you thought about High Lord Beron. He was a grumpy, disagreeable High Lord, and also a problem for another day, you had finally decided.

The first week and a half after Azriel's departure, you had rarely gotten out of bed, even when Feyre had tempted you with tarts. You felt bad that Cassian looked so regretful when he couldn't cheer you up when you neglected morning trainings those first few weeks. He thought it was because you were missing Azriel, and you were, but even more so, you were worrying over your pregnancy. When Feyre had finally managed to get you out of the house, the two of you mainly walked up and down The Rainbow, visiting the old bookstores and trying all the new bakeries.

Aiden was staying in Velaris for his honeymoon, but he still insisted on working, the kind male he was. You found happiness in visiting his healing clinic, helping him organise records and patient data. Listening to stories of his travels had inspired you like nothing else could. He told you about the catacombs under the Dawn Court, the unique architecture and history of Day.

His stories made you miss your mate, of the adventures the two of you had planned for the future, but you vowed that one day you'd travel with Azriel again. You tugged on the bond softly, something you had been doing since he left to feel connected. You weren't even sure if he could feel it though, since he never 'replied'.

Over the course of around two and a half months, you started to feel lighter. When you thought of your mate's return you started to feel optimistic. Maybe a break was the right decision, no matter how unplanned it initially was.

***

You had been spending most of your Sundays in Aiden's clinic, him helping with the pregnancy and keeping you company. You were browsing his bookshelves when you stumbled upon a book about Illyrian anatomy. It hadn't fully dawned on you yet that the child you were bringing into this world was likely going to come out with wings, but Aiden assured you the birth was not going to be too difficult seeing that you were half-Illyrian yourself. Your father had been an awful person, but at least he gave you the gift that would allow you to start a family with the one that you loved.

Obviously, a lot of trauma and pain occurred at a health clinic, but there was lots of warmth and beauty too, and it was becoming more apparent to you than ever. The young fae that lived in Velaris would occasionally come knocking to sell their sweets, or on quiet afternoons, Aiden would seek them out and give them some harmless (but hilarious) potions that would do crazy things, like temporarily turn their bodies invisible, colour their hair an electric blue, or even make them grow scales. Aiden was the finest healer in Prythian, and you were disappointed he could not stay for much longer than his honeymoon period before he needed to return to the road.

One such Sunday, the 12th week of your pregnancy had finally arrived. You were looking at your reflection in the full-length mirror, hand on your stomach.

You were showing. This was real.

You admired the swell of your stomach under the light, flowing dress. You looked... healthy. Glowing, even. Your features were not so hollowed out anymore, your cheeks fuller and eyes brighter, filled with shine. You felt better than ever.

But it was heartbreaking that your mate's absence had caused this, in a roundabout way. You closed your eyes, taking in this special moment. You reached to tug on the bond, and you swore you felt a glimmer of warmth before the string in your mind felt cold once more.

Aiden's voice dragged you out of your haze. "Y/n, are you ready to do the scan?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

An "ultrasound" is what Aiden had called it. On his travels to the mortal lands, he had studied in the most advanced medical institutions on offer and was bringing this human technology to Faerie. This ultrasound was supposedly a sort of test they did on mortals with child, to verify the health and gender of the baby, and he was going to perform one on you today with the help of some of his healer magic to help.

"Just lay back on here, your dress should be stretchy enough for you to just lift it up..." Aiden trailed off as he fiddled with a tub of gel and a weird device, he explained he was going to lightly put on your stomach.

"In the Mortal Lands, they have these screens that show the mother the baby, but since I couldn't lug back a large computer, I'll compensate with a simple incantation. Unfortunately, this does mean you won't be able to keep any physical images of your baby."

You frowned slightly. You didn't even know it was on the table, to keep pictures of the little one growing inside you. You sighed a little as you readjusted the pillow and Aiden got to cleaning up. They would've been nice for Azriel to see, you supposed.

"Oh. That's okay, there's nothing you can do about it," is what you settled on saying. It had been centuries since the you had seen Aiden again, and after being somewhat abruptly pushed into each other's lives again... it was awkward, sometimes.

"I trust you," you added, "But exactly how many times has this magic-and-mortal-device combination been used for ultrasounds?"

Aiden flashed you the same boyish grin that got the two of you out of trouble when you were younger and given that your mother was... well, who she was, that was a difficult feat indeed. It was one of the reasons you had stuck with the slightly infuriating male who stood before you today; he would always protect you. Of course, this was until you had lost touch. "Well..." he pretended to do a thinking pose. You hoped he was joking.

You narrowed your eyes at him, but you doubted he could even see you. "Aiden? This is safe, right?"

"Just kidding, y/n. Of course, it is safe for use and has been trialed numerous times."

"Not funny." You muttered to yourself.

Under Aiden's instruction, you lifted up your dress until it was just under your bust. The masses of fabric were somewhat blocking your vision, but even so, you lifted your neck slightly to try see what Aiden was doing.

"It's interesting how mortals compensate for not having magic, this gel is especially interesting," he mused. He had become such an intellect, always curious and ready to learn. You were somewhat shocked to see what he'd made of himself, so different from that class clown you used to know.

You couldn't do more than make what hopefully came out as a sound of interest, as you weren't really able to see what "gel" your friend was even referring to.

"This might feel a bit cold," Aiden said, before he applied a thin layer of a wet, smooth mixture to your stomach. "It'll help this little machine to see your womb."

"Sure," you reply. What else could be said?

"Oh! Wait." You add abruptly. Aiden stopped his movements instantly. "I... don't want to know the gender." You finished, chewing your lip slightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yet. I mean, yes. I don't want to know yet. I'll find out when everyone else does, whenever that is."

Aiden sent you a confident smile. "Okay, y/n/n."

After that, he seemed to sense your nervousness, and so after the gel was applied, Aiden placed a comforting hand on yours, which were busy pulling at the seams of your dress. The clothing suddenly felt too thick, and the breezy material no longer cooled your skin, but instead made it itch, and the back of your neck felt hot. He changed the positioning of your bed with a small flick of his wrist, in a swift motion. Slowly, your upper body rose to a sitting position while your legs stayed flat. This way, you could see what was happening.

Then you heard it, and suddenly, there was too much to say.

Unmistakably, there was thumping. Muffled thumping that seemed to echo around the room.

Aiden had big grin on his face. He met your eyes only for a moment before returning to the task literally in front of him. You realised he was concentrating hard on a small floating projection, a clear screen that showed all sorts of charts and figures. In the center of the clear screen there was a black rectangle that had something moving in it. Different shades of greys and white danced across the screen in pixelated motions but they all moved together, as if they were forming something whole.

"Is that...?" you asked softly. You couldn't get the words out, because your heart was in your throat. It was difficult to see, from the weird angle that you observed the screen in, but it couldn't have been anything else.

Just like when you were kids, he read your mind.

"Yes, y/n," he breathed softly. His fingers floated across the keyboard on the bedside table. which you suspected was somehow connected to Aiden's magical projection.

The perfect mix of fae magic and mortal engineering.

At last, Aiden spoke.

"That's the heartbeat."

***

It had been 2 weeks since that first ultrasound, and you were talking with Feyre about breaking the news to the rest of your friends. The two of you were sitting in the courtyard, the late afternoon sun casting its warm, friendly glow. You marveled at the beauty of the gardens a "Oh, I'm so excited for you! Your baby is going to be spoiled like crazy," your friend exclaimed fondly, a big grin on her face.

Hearing Feyre's enthusiasm calmed your nerves immensely, and you reached for your High Lady's hand. "I wish Az was here," you admitted, "if he was, I'd do something bigger. I think I'm just going to tell everyone at dinner."

Feyre's glance softened at the mention of your mate. "That sounds good, but y/n, I hate to mention this now but when are you going to tell Azriel?"

You bit your lip, averting eye contact. "I'm not sure, actually. Whenever's best, I suppose."

"You can be honest with me, y/n/n. I just think you should tell him."

"Of course I'm going to tell him."

"But your baby's going to be born before he gets back, surely you're not going to have him come home blind-" Feyre said insistently.

You started to get a little annoyed. "I will tell him, Feyre. He will not 'come home blind'."

But were you sure? Would Azriel even reply to your letters? Would he care enough to write more than his usual 5 sentences? A pain ran through your heart as you recalled the last time you wrote was about a month ago. He hadn't replied. You didn't want him to be distracted on the mission, or worse, hurt himself because he was worrying.

Feyre could read your expression. "Are you really thinking about lying to your mate? About your child. His child, y/n. It's Azriel's too."

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. "Gods, Feyre. You think I don't know that? Stop pushing this, it's my decision and if I want to leave it until he comes back... then that's on me." But deep down you knew she was right.

Your words just hung between you as the conversation ended. You didn't believe what you just said, and by the silence that fell, you could tell Feyre didn't either.

The two of you sat in your respective chairs and avoided eye contact, Feyre was fiddling with the sash on her dress, and you were looking into the sky, eyes squinting as you immediately regretted staring straight into the sun.

"Feyre, darling?" called Rhys' smooth voice. You glanced at your wristwatch, which indicated Feyre and Rhys' meeting was about to start. You sighed a little; you would have to apologise later.

"Here, Rhys!" Feyre quickly gathered her things but put a comforting hand on your shoulder as she passed. "Bye, y/n."

Then Rhys whisked Feyre away, leaving you alone in the courtyard.

You didn't want to keep sitting in the courtyard rethinking your conversation with Feyre. Or perhaps was it an argument? You quickly left the gardens as soon as the sun started setting, in hopes you would bump into another one of your friends. You walked towards the door to the main house and luckily, the moment you turned around after closing the door, there was Kai, gathering some items in a satchel, looking like he was about to leave.

You wondered if you should bother him as he looked busy, but before you could sneak off, it seemed that Kai used his big-brother senses because he turned around and spotted you.

"Y/n! My favourite person." He beamed, tucking strands of his golden hair behind his ears.

"I think Aiden might take some offense to that statement." You approached him smiling, yet slightly embarrassed he had almost caught you jumping over a couch.

"I'm sure he agrees with my sentiment." Your friend smiled.

"Going somewhere?"

"Just off to the Night Markets to buy a sheath for Aiden's present. It's a dagger, from my last mission overseas," He cocked his head slightly, as if trying to see if you were okay. "Would you like to join me?" Kai broke into a beaming smile. "We can get ice-cream."

You couldn't help grin as his words lit you up. The two of you used to always get ice-cream together, it was your thing. The ice-cream stores in Velaris changed their flavours daily, always a mix of aromatic spices and exotic fruits that somehow blended perfectly together. It was well-known amongst all your friends that Night Court ice-cream was one of your favourite things, and almost every birthday you got a tub of your favourite flavour, whatever it was. It reminded you of happier days, and some of your favourite memories consisted of you, laughing along with Kai over large cones of the sweet, icy treat.

"Really? I'd love to!" This is exactly what you needed to help you take your mind off your disagreement with Feyre. "I hope I'm not intruding though."

"You could never intrude. Besides, I could use another set of eyes. You've seen my wardrobe; I don't exactly choose the most stylish things." He bumped your shoulder affectionately.

You snickered. "That I have. Then you're lucky I took pity on you and offered my services to you."

Ever the drama queen, Kai lowered himself into a deep bow, "I thank you then, y/n."

Being with Kai had lifted your mood almost instantly. You had confided in him through your highs and lows, and when you had shown such intimate parts of yourself to another, it was easy to settle into comfortable companionship. He was like an older brother to you, one of your closest friends.

You watched Velaris' bustling marketplaces in awe as Kai soared through the air, his wings flapping. It had been a while since you had come out to see the signature Night Markets, but it was just as breathtaking as you remembered. There were crowds everywhere, and each store had twinkling lights. It was dark now, the light from each stall was illuminating the air around it, the mountains were shining a soft white from the snow, and you felt like you had returned home to the familiar sights, sounds and smells.

Kai led you to a few shops, and gods, it was lucky you were there. Somehow, he managed to pick out some of the strangest, weirdest designs that there were. It took almost 20 minutes of convincing before Kai discarded a sheath that was covered in ridiculous dyed fur that also had googly eyes stuck to the front, with eyebrows that jiggled when you removed the dagger.

"It's like an adorable fluffy animal!" He exclaimed.

"Kai, no. It looks like a mutilated toy rodent. I think I see bugs moving in the fur, and it smells like Cassian after training."

Kai whistled. "Harsh critic."

You shrugged, looping your arm through his to drag him back through the door. "I just saved your marriage, my friend."

Eventually you two of you picked a simple design. A sleek black design with silver buckles that was functional enough to store a pen or two, as well. Perfect for Aiden. Knowing him, he probably would use the sheath to store some of his equipment for operations, and the like.

"Thanks for helping me tonight," Kai smiled. "I owe you one."

"Don't mention it. All you ever need to owe me is some ice-cream." You almost jumped when you saw the old gelateria where the two of you frequented decades ago. Had it really been decades?

Kai seemed to be thinking the same thing because the moment the two of you sat down, he smiled, wistfully asking, "Do you remember the last time we came here?"

You hummed in thought, trying to come up with an answer. "I don't think I do. Must've been to celebrate something?"

Kai grinned. "No, not to celebrate. I remember," he started.

"Shocking how someone so old has a better memory than me." you smirked.

"Hush, y/n/n. Surely you remember, as it concerns your favourite person."

"My favourite person? So, not you then," you laughed.

"I'm wounded." Kai replied, deadpan. "No, anyway. I mean Azriel. You came to me after a big fight with Azzy."

You opened your mouth in shock. "I can't believe you still remember that!"

"Well, hard to forget," he said, dryly. "I had never seen you so upset." His expression turned pensive and worried, as if he was sensing the truth in your expression, which had turned from shocked to anxious with one sentence. He was sensing that maybe you weren't letting on exactly how saddened you were regarding the situation with Azriel. Of course, only Feyre and Aiden knew you were with child, and this factor contributed greatly.

"You know, because now you two are doing a lot more than just argue..." Malakai tried to lighten the mood, and for a second it worked. Then he did that stupid thing that mortals do; he made a "kissy face"... and then some.

Your eyes widened, but you had a big grin on your face. "Gods, Malakai! You did not just do that in public!" but your friend just smirked, innocently shrugging his shoulders. You wouldn't stay mad at him anyway. Never could.

The two of you finished your cones in silence.

"Let's walk around for a bit," Kai said, wiping his hands with a napkin.

"Okay, sure."

You and Kai walked behind the bustling marketplace to a lone bench where the two of you used to come all the time. It was your spot.

"I do have something to tell you, though."

"Oh yeah?" Kai looked as if he was trying to guess your news.

You took a breath in to steady yourself. "I'm telling you before most of the others... because I trust you. And I love you, you've always been..." another small inhale. "Maybe you can help me figure out what to do."

Kai swiveled so he was facing you more. "Of course," he smiled. "You know I'd do anything for you."

You smiled gratefully. "You may know that Azriel didn't really leave me on the best terms... Well, uh, he didn't leave me, specifically, you know, but I just mean that we'd argued before he left." You rambled. "A lot, actually. We argued a lot."

Kai put a comforting hand on your arm. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready," he said gently, kindly.

Kai kindness overwhelmed you, but lately it had felt like Feyre was treating you a bit like a broken doll, and she was just waiting for you to finally crack. Being doted on wasn't a bad thing, but it felt suffocating especially now, and you felt Feyre's time was wasted when you realised that only one thing would make you feel better about this situation, you were too much a coward to do. It should've been easy, telling Azriel he was going to be a father. You were good at writing, letters especially. So why couldn't you tell Azriel?

Everything is just more complicated when love is involved.

You cleared your throat. "Sorry. I'm fine. I'm ready to talk about it, I promise."

"Okay," Kai nodded. "No pressure."

"I'mfourteenweekspregnantandAzrieldoesn'tknow." The words spilled out like a waterfall. A small brook, perhaps. All in one motion but in a low whisper. There was no going back now, but it seemed Kai hadn't heard your jumble of words.

"You're... what?"

"Pregnant. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and Az- Azriel doesn't know." you were dangerously close to tears, but you felt a million times better now that you had told someone else.

Kai was silent for a dangerously long time. Then his mouth curved into a small grin. "Wow, y/n. I'm so happy for you!" and then he clarified, upon seeing your slightly startled expression. "I know you've been wanting to start a family for a while now, and you're the most deserving person to have your dream come true." He took a deep breath in. "I'll admit it's difficult that Azriel doesn't know, but you're strong, and we can work through this together."

You had started to cry. "S-sorry, I'm happy too, I- I don't know what to do. I've been k-keeping it from you for so long, and I just don't know what to do." Your voice broke.

"You don't need to apologise, I get it. It's going to be difficult, y/n, but you don't need to do it alone."

"You've kept a pregnancy from Aiden before?" you sniffed.

He smiled softly, wiping a trickling tear. "No, but I know relationships take work. What you and Az are going through is only natural, and you're both the strongest people I know. I see the bond you two have, and it's like no other I've seen." He stretched over the table to wipe away a tear falling down your cheek. "It's beautiful, y/n. I know you, and I know Az. He will support you, and whatever you choose, so will I."

You sniffed again, wiping away more tears. Gods, there were a lot of tears on your face. Kai pulled a large, thick handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to you.

"Aiden makes me carry it around, the massive thing. A real inconvenience. However, I've been told it makes an excellent torniquet." the warrior shrugged.

You managed a laugh. "Thanks."

Kai's expression softened. "Are you happy?"

His question caught you by surprise. "I've been processing these part few weeks. We were fighting because just noticed Azriel got increasingly unenthusiastic about our dates. About me," you felt the lump in your throat as you spilled your heart out. "S-sometimes I feel the b-bond go cold. Since he's been gone I can barely feel it, Malakai. I have to reach oh-so-far for something that should be permanent. Something that should be natural, and easy."

Kai wrapped you up in a hug, and you rested your head on his shoulder.

You took a pause. "But am I happy? I think so. If I can work this out with Az, then I will be. Really happy." You smiled slightly at the thought.

Kai nodded knowingly.

"Looks like you've only gotten wiser with age," you noted, slightly sad. Where'd all the time gone?"

"I guess we've both just gotten busier these past few centuries. You were sorting out your... confusing friendship with Azriel," you let out a laugh at that. Confusing was certaintly one word you could use to describe the relationship you and Az had before mating. Kai continued. "Well, and then you found out you were mates, but I was busy training here while trying to keep my relationship from my parents."

Your smile dropped a little. "But they were at your wedding, are you guys still okay?"

"Thanks for your concern, but we're all good. It's just that when I was younger, I saw how the villagers treated my sister when she confessed to me she favoured females, and word got out. It was a miracle no one blabbed to my parents before she finally told them decades later," he smiled. "I'm lucky my family are so supportive."

"I have a pretty great family too," you squeezed his hand.

The two of you sat in silence for a beat, smiling.

"Wait, before you said '"most" of the others know about your pregnancy. Who else knows?" Kai asked after a moment.

"Well, Madja, obviously, and Feyre and Aiden."

"My Aiden? He kept this from me?" The Lieutenant's eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head. Aiden was definitely about to receive a stern lecture about how his wedding vows promised no lies.

You laughed. "Well, smart guy, your Aiden is a healer, and I couldn't exactly go visit Madja because Rhys is always there on High Lord business, and Cass occasionally brings his soldiers there for checkups, you know this. Besides, Aiden's clinic is more private, and I like getting priority service," you replied, smug.

Kai sighed, "And here I was thinking that I was the only one getting that service. When you think you know someone." he tutted.

"Well, people surprise you." You couldn't help but bitterly think "Just like my mate did."

"But I know your news before Cass?" When you nodded, he did a celebratory fist pump. "I always knew I was your favourite. $5 for me, baby."

"Don't be silly, I love you Illyrian babies all equally. Wait, you guys bet on me?"

Kai snorted, choosing to ignore your latter comment, but the gleam in his bright blue eyes told you all you needed to know.

You just rolled your eyes. "When do you think I should tell the rest of our friends?"

Kai composed himself as he realised you were jumping back to serious conversation. He cleared his throat, and said, "Well, you want to tell them all together, right?"

When you nodded, he continued. "So, logically, unless you want to tell everyone while they're drunk playing board games, or drunk, dancing at Rita's, I'd say your best bet is at our group dinners, but you know, tell them early, so they're not too drunk." He gave a small smile.

"That's what I was thinking. Gods, when's the next dinner again?"

You counted what day of the week it was in your head. If you guys usually gathered for dinner on Fridays, but the Velaris Night Markets occurred on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays... but Thursdays were when Feyre and Rhys had their meetings (which you remembered Feyre had gone to that afternoon), it would mean that the next family dinner was...

"Tomorrow," Kai finished helpfully. "Friday."

"That's soon," you tried not to sound too panicked.

"Luckily you have me to help you then."

***

The Inner Circle sat around the grand dinner table in the beautifully adorned dining room of the Night Court. The soft glow of candlelight danced on their faces, creating an atmosphere of warmth and camaraderie. Feyre and Rhysand were engaged in a lighthearted banter, their eyes filled with affection, while Mor, Amren, and Cassian laughed along, their spirits high. Nesta had her hand on Cassian's shoulder, and Elain was talking with Nuala. Aiden and Kai were sitting across from you, Kai's eyes trying to meet your own. Tonight would be the big night.

As the conversation lulled, your heart pounded in your chest, your hands clammy with nerves. Taking a deep breath, you gathered your courage, your voice slightly shaky but resolute, and cleared your throat to gain everyone's attention. Feyre's eyes met yours with a flash of concern, then understanding. You sent her an unsure smile and nodded slightly, notifying her that you were ready to share the news with your family.

"I... um, I have something important to share with all of you," you began, your eyes flickering with a mix of vulnerability and determination. You looked towards Kai and Aiden; both of them looked ecstatic, and you could tell Kai was reigning in his emotions. The room fell into an expectant silence as every member of the Inner Circle turned their gaze towards you, their expressions a blend of curiosity and concern.

Your eyes darted around the table, locking with each person's gaze, drawing strength from their unwavering support. You continued, "I'm pregnant."

The room erupted in a cacophony of reactions. Cassian's jaw dropped; a half-chewed bite of food forgotten in his mouth. Rhysand, startled by the unexpected news, coughed and choked on his wine, while Feyre, caught between annoyance and concern, hit his shoulder. She caught your eye and sent you a look that apologised for Rhys' behaviour.

"He doesn't mean it like that!" she mouthed. For the first time in your life, you hoped your expression betrayed your thoughts. "I'm sorry", you were trying to convey. "I love you". Feyre nodded once and smiled, and you knew she understood.

Mor was the first one to say something. She let out an excited gasp, clapping her hands together. "Y/n, that's amazing! You're going to be a wonderful mother," she exclaimed, her eyes shining with genuine joy.

You felt everyone else's eyes on you. Amren had narrowed her eyes, and Varian was looking quite uncomfortable. Oh dear.

You felt a bittersweet mixture of relief and apprehension wash over you as you glanced around the table, searching for comfort amidst the tumultuous sea of emotions. Everyone looked pleased though, it seemed the extra 5 seconds of processing time had done wonders. Even Amren had a slight smile on her face now, and Varian looked less... strange.

Rhys, having gathered himself now, spoke next, a beaming smile on his face. "I'm so happy for you, y/n! You and Azriel deserve this. How'd he take the news?"

You hesitated, your eyes dropping to your plate, tracing the intricate patterns etched onto the fine China. You could feel the glances of Feyre, Aiden and Kai on you.

"I... uh.... haven't told him yet," and then there was silence in the room again.

The weight of your words was sinking in for your friends.

"I don't want to get into it now, and- and ruin our evening," you said, voice shaking slightly. Perhaps you'd already ruined the evening, if the heavy silence was any indication. "But we haven't exactly been on the best terms lately. We were fighting all up until he left, and I- I can barely feel the bond anymore. He hasn't written me back in a month.

With that bomb dropped, you looked up to the ceiling, blinking away tears.

"I'm scared."

Cassian, recovering from his initial shock, reached across the table, placing a comforting hand on your trembling one. "We're here for you, y/n," he reassured you, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth. "And when Az comes back, we'll figure it out together. You won't be alone in this. I can't believe it. You're pregnant." He finished with a joyous laugh.

Aiden chimed in, "We love you, y/n. As long as we're here, you don't have to do anything alone."

"You have the best support system possible; one that has been formed through years of hardship. No bond is stronger than this group bond, y/n." Kai continued. "Your pregnancy will be a beautiful thing."

Nesta spoke up next. "You can count on us for anything, y/n/n. I know you must have concerns, but now you don't have to carry them alone." You sent her a grateful smile, to which she returned.

"It'll fly by, the 10 months. Enjoy the process. Plus, you'll look great with the pregnancy glow." Feyre laughed.

Then Elain cleared her throat - daintily, if that was possible. "I'm happy for you too, y/n. Your child is lucky to have you as a mother, and... I know we're not too close, but you can count on me." She smiled; her cheeks rosy as all the attention turned to her.

You were in shock. That was the most you'd ever heard Elain speak, especially in front of everyone. You reached across the table and lightly put your hand on hers.

Surprisingly, Amren said, "You're in capable hands, y/n. It'll be such a joy having another Nyx around." The table chuckled at her sarcasm, but you knew she meant it with no malice.

"That means more than you could know. Thank you, everyone."

"You know how Azriel is. He may draw back, but he is always there for the ones he loves and trust me when I say you're on the top of his list." Mor said. "I don't know how he'll react to the news,"

Your smile dropped a little. Thanks for the confidence boost, Mor.

"But I know that every relationship has its ups and downs. You've been there for him since the day you arrived, and he's been there for you, too. I can promise you that this experience will only help the two of you grow closer." Mor's words were sincere.

As the Inner Circle rallied around you, offering support, reassurance, and a safe space to share your fears and uncertainties, you felt a flicker of hope ignite within you. Even Varian had bowed his head in respect. In that moment, you realized that you were not alone in your journey. With your loved ones by your side, you knew you had the strength and resilience to face whatever lay ahead. When the time came to reveal the news to Azriel, they would help you navigate the delicate path, giving you the support and courage, you needed.

And so, amidst the clinking of cutlery, the sound of Feyre's exasperated sigh as Cerridwen chased after Nyx (who'd run into the room looking for his mother), and the warm laughter that filled the House of Wind's dining room, you embraced the love and acceptance that you had received, finding solace in the knowledge that no matter the challenges you faced, you would never have to face them alone.

You tugged on the bond once again. Once. Twice.

And then you felt it. A pull from Azriel. Stronger than you'd felt in months.

***

"You guys really didn't have to plan all this," you smiled fondly at your friends, who insisted on throwing you a baby shower. Feyre later told you that she spent almost an hour explaining the mortal concept to Amren and Cassian, the latter thinking it was about hygiene. It had almost been 3 weeks since you told your friends at that fateful dinner, and they had embraced your news with love and kindness, just as Aiden, Feyre and Kai all insisted they would.

"Nonsense, y/n. You deserve the best baby bath achievable." Cassian beamed.

"Shower, Cassian." Feyre reminded him.

"I just showered," Cassian rolled his eyes. Nesta slapped his shoulder, and he quickly stopped his jokes when she gave him a kiss. You suppressed a snicker as you watched her. Cassian looked at her so lovingly, and Nesta, however annoyed she may be, always returned that look with equal fierceness.

You looked to your High Lord and Lady. Rhysand was sitting in a plush armchair, and Feyre was perched on his lap, his hand draped across her waist, fingers fiddling with a loose thread on her cream sweater. Nyx's addition to their family had only made them closer, and you could only pray that your little one could provide the same effect.

It was obvious to a total fool that Varian was irrevocably in love with Amren. His gaze was constantly on her, his eyes soft and longing, as if he knew something everyone else didn't. Amren rarely shared personal stories with the Inner Circle, but maybe she'd told the prince of Adriata something she hadn't yet shared with everyone else. You had a feeling Amren was going to find her eternal happiness with him. After all, he was here casually lounging with the Night Court's elite Inner Circle, wasn't he?

Then you looked to the pile of presents that your closest friends had prepared for you. The pink and blue streamers your friends had pinned around the room. Feyre said she was incorporating another tradition into this baby shower, something called a 'gender reveal', that she said was a celebration where loved ones of the mother gathered so she could make the gender of her child known. The room laughed as Rhys recited some adorable thing Nyx had done that morning, and for a second you were just lost in the haze. These wonderful people had chosen to spend time with you, and all vowed to support you.

The baby shower and gender reveal passed in a blur. It was just a mess of happy memories. You opened and accepted everyone's gifts (even the sharp "toy" Amren had gifted for "teething purposes". Perhaps Azriel would like that one.), and Nuala, Cerridwen and Elain had done an amazing job with the cake, which had either pink or blue frosting inside.

Since you wanted Aiden to keep the gender a secret, you had no idea what colour was in the cake either, and you were equal parts excited yet slightly nervous. If you thought hearing your baby's heartbeat made it real, celebrating this moment with your friends made it unreal. This was truly, really, definitely, happening.

You cut into the cake and it was...

"Pink!" you exclaimed. "Pink! She's a girl!"

Your friends whooped and cheered, Feyre rushed up to hug you, and Cassian immediately bobbed down to your stomach.

"A baby girl! Aw," he cooed. "Uncle Cass is going to spoil you!"

You laughed at Cassian, but he had lifted the mood tremendously. You couldn't believe it. You were having a girl, and you knew she would be perfect.

After the celebrations, Kai came and found you flipping through a photo album. It had detailed most of your and Azriel's relationship, and now there was a chapter all about your pregnancy.

"Thinking about him?" Malakai asked.

You smiled sadly, thinking about the huge milestone you had just celebrated without him. "I can't help it. I miss my mate." and sent another tug down the bond.

This time, it wasn't reciprocated. Something felt different, this time. You almost thought you heard a cry of pain.

***

“You know, maybe it would help to get out of here a little,” Cassian said one day at training. You were in the middle of sparring with him and Nesta, sweat dripping down your face, but you could tell they were going easy since the birth of your daughter only 5 weeks prior.

"Yeah, y/n,” Nesta smiled as she thrusted the dagger upward. "No harm in a holiday, you work so hard."

You stopped, mid-jab into where Cassian's shoulder would've been as you considered the idea. You hadn't left the Night Court for leisure in over three decades, and a small part of you did long to explore the other courts. Back when you and Az still talked of the future, the two of you had dreamed of holidaying in all the seven courts.

>>>>

"Do you ever think of the future?" you asked, playing with your mate's hair. Azriel paused his reading and thought.

He hummed softly, replying, "Of course, one with you."

You smiled, hands resuming their tousling of Azriel's hair, "I think one day I would like to travel. See all the places that the stories told me about when I was younger."

"That sounds perfect," Azriel replied, now fully sitting up and facing you. His book was discarded, and his hands were drifting up and down your arms. "I am content everywhere with you, but I hear the Winter and Summer courts are especially beautiful year-round."

You made a noise of happiness. "How much wine do you think we would need to buy Rhys for him to gift us one of his luxurious holiday homes in the Winter Court?"

Azriel's laugh ricocheted through the empty house, "My darling mate, I bet it's more wine than we can afford."

You laughed softly, "Well, I guess we better start saving. When I mend relations with Spring and Autumn, we must visit all the courts! Oh, just imagine it, Az."

Azriel's eyes softened. "Have I ever told you how much I admire you?"

You tilt your head, "You tell me every day, Az, but I think I admire you more." you said in a whisper, as if it were a secret, but how could it ever be, with a mate like Azriel?

Azriel smiled but shook his head. "Your job is amazing, y/n. Co-ordinating all these alliances, responding to our people's concerns and solving their problems. Velaris would really be nowhere without you."

You blush under Azriel's heated gaze, and say, "Well, someone's got to make the bribe money for Rhys' wine."

Azriel laughed deeply, the sound warming your soul. "Well, good thing I make up for my immense lack of income with other skills."

You watched the corner of Azriel's mouth curl up in a smirk. "Wouldn't you agree, my love? Or would you like a reminder?"

>>>>>>>>

When you named your daughter, you cried.

Cerise. Cerise Beatrice Singer.

Beatrice was your mother's name. A mortal name. She was half fae, as her mother was mortal. The courts gossiped for your entire childhood, from when you were six up until at least seventeen. They didn't even stop when she died. Seventeen was the year where you couldn't take it anymore. The year you finally left your 'family' and fled into the centre of Prythian. You travelled around from court to court for 2 years until one day, you arrived in the Night Court.

The people of your old village called her horrible names. They'd hiss at your mother as she walked across the street, throw all sorts of things at her. They were horrified that a mortal walked the streets of Prythian freely, no matter the fact she had never actually been in the Mortal Lands. No matter the fact she grew up the same as them. No matter the fact that she learnt the same faerie customs in the same faerie schools. No matter the fact that she grew up eating faerie food and wearing faerie-produced clothing.

No matter any of that.

Once, there was a rumour that you heard at school. People were saying your mother used witchcraft to lure herself a man "as great as that scum's father". You hid behind a wall, eavesdropping. The voices were muffled, the pitch all weird, but it was clear they were talking about you. Aiden was there with you. When he saw you were on the verge of tears, he told you to cover your ears and he hugged you tight. But even his hugs were never as tight as your mother's.

You are remembering thinking that you had never heard such foul language coming from 11-year-old children. You had dared a peek into the classroom, and when you saw the towering figures huddled, you realised. It was the teachers. The teachers using slurs and the teachers belittling the one woman who actually cared about you. About everything.

Decades from that day you thought of your past. You thought that, maybe it was true that once, your father had felt love for her. Beatrice bore him 4 children, after all. You knew your mother married him soon after meeting, and when she would brush your hair, back when you were young and the world was simple, she would tell you stories about how he courted her. Oh, how he courted her. Before the age of eight you used to wish for a love story like theirs. But as you grew up, it was plain to see that he felt nothing for her. In the end, one of your father's drunken rages had led to her death, and she died protecting you.

She cared for you when no one else did, in your family. Not your older siblings, and certainly not your father.

When you named your daughter, you cried.

Love and passion. That's what her name meant.

You were going to make sure love was all she felt from her family. Cerise was going to grow up with love. You loved her, your true family loved her, and Azriel would love her. You were sure.

Her raven hair was just like his, her eyes were like his too. Sometimes a piercing green, sometimes a calming brown. Beautiful, just like her father. She had your mouth though; Feyre had told you. When she smiled it was like the sun brightening the sky after a storm, and you had never seen anything better. She loved to laugh, her small eyes crinkling at the corners, her nose twitching. She was beautiful.

Cerise, she had wings. Small, baby Illyrian wings, but wings none the less. Wings like Azriel. Not wings like your father, but wings like Azriel. Majestic and powerful, with the ability to give what you had lacked; freedom.

>>>>>>>>

It had almost been 9 months since you told your friends at that fateful dinner, and they had spared no expense, treating you and Cerise like royalty.

Feyre could tell you were drained from your new motherly duties and said she would be happy to take care of your daughter for as long as you needed, but you had refused her offer.

"Oh no, Feyre, that's so kind," you smiled gratefully at your friend. "It's okay though, I will pick a place suitable for the both of us."

You had picked up Cerise from eager Auntie Mor's that morning and had decided. It was time for a holiday.

Feyre's eyes were scanning your face, waiting to pounce on any sign of hesitation. "Besides," you continued. "You have Nyx to think about!"

Upon hearing her son's name, Feyre beamed. "Yes! Oh y/n, I am so excited to have them grow up together." Her eyes softened. "It may seem hard now, but I know you'll be a great mother."

You reached for your friend and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, Feyre. I learn from the best."

When you pulled back Feyre grasped your hands, grinning excitedly. "Now for the fun part. Let's pick a holiday destination; where are we sending you!"

Rhys walked in about an hour after you and Feyre decided to research to find Prythian's best Court for a vacation.

"How about the Day Court?" He suggested. "Helion loves you, and I'm sure both you and your daughter would enjoy the sunshine."

You looked at Feyre who was beaming.

"That sounds perfect."

That's how you ended up holding your daughter, watching as Helion - ever the show-off - had insisted you fly to the Day Court in his finest white carriage, led by the horses with manes of flame. When Rhys had heard about this plan, he just rolled his eyes, telling you that once, he had banned Helion from coming into the Night Court in that carriage, but Helion's loophole was to take you out of the Night Court in it.

"Go easy on the flying, okay? You have a post-partum mother and a baby on board," you said to Helion, only half-joking.

Helion raised one dark eyebrow at you in reply. "Of course. I promise you a mellow ride." He smiled and turned his attention back to his horses. A quick tug on the reigns from Helion, and the three of you were gone.

@ladyescapism 💗💗

edit: I ONLY JUST REALISED I DONT USE READ MORE OMLLLL

edit 2: WEDDING VOWELS LMFAO

[fideidefenswhore]

Hey os it true that Henry Percy used ti be the source of the nasty rumours about Anne Boleyn? Which specific rumours are we talking about? Did Anne or her inner circle know about Percy talking shit abt Anne?

A gentleman told me yesterday that the earl of Northumberland told him that he knew for certain that she had determined to poison the Princess. The Earl may know something of it, from his familiarity and credit with Anne. 

This is often only very briefly mentioned in Tudor biographies, if at all...altogether, it's a strange report. Is Chapuys suggesting that Percy knows Anne is a "poisoner", and yet is still devoted to her (note that it says "his familiarity and credit with Anne"-- not much to suggest contact between them once she's Queen-- not his "past" familiarity and credit with her)? Is he a secret ally to Princess Mary, or is it just that one of the men of his retinue is?

Also worth mentioning the source chain...Chapuys <-- an (unnamed) "gentleman" <-- Henry Percy. Thirdhand, at best.

A year later, we have it that Percy is dismissed as a source by one of Chapuys' trusted informants (Lord Darcy):

He also sent to warn me that perhaps the earl of Northumberland was sending to tell me some things, and that I should consider what was possible but not trust him too much, for he was very light and hasty (par trop legier et brefs).

Yet, in the same month, we have:

I have no doubt he will be delighted to hear that the earl of Northumberland is no longer such a friend of this king and of his ministers as he used to be, for the Earl's physician tells me that his master had lately complained to him of certain wrongs and injuries received at the hands of members of this government, and had declared that those who had so behaved towards him would soon have to repent of their ill-doings. The English people (he added) were so indignant at the oppressions and excessive tyranny they suffered, that the least effort on the part of Your Majesty would be the means of working the King's perdition and ruin. The King, said the Earl, had no other hope at present but the Turk's great military power, in which his friends trusted and glorified, but which after all was a most abominable trust. The Earl went on charging the King's mistress with arrogance and wickedness, saying, among other things, that a few days ago she had heaped more injuries on the duke of Norfolk than on a dog, so much so, that the Duke was obliged to quit the Royal chamber, and that, though finding only in the hall a gentleman to whom he no longer bore affection, such was his anger that he forgot entirely whom he was addressing, and began to complain in the bitterest terms of the said Royal mistress, bestowing on her the most opprobrious epithets, and calling her among other things "grande putain."

Yeah, this is an interesting element about this report about Norfolk (the chain of sources) that's not oft-discussed...why would Percy, exactly, be so offended that Anne had insulted Norfolk? Is it not perhaps a little convenient that the source for her being called a 'grande putain' by a close member of her family is the physician of her ex-flame, rather than, you know...a servant or physician of Norfolk himself (not like Norfolk was such a feminist that it's implausible, per say, but something to consider...)? Imo, this report should be scrutinized more often than it generally is.

See: primer of Anne's relationship with Norfolk, and with Percy.

No idea it the Boleyns knew of Percy's (alleged) animosity and hostility towards Anne in particular (or perhaps the men of her family as well, if the "king's ministers" above includes them); it'd be compelling to find interpretaions of that possiblity in fiction, though. Lots of material to use and avenues to take with it, in my estimation.

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 40 - epilogue

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39

The playback ends. A woman leans over her large metal desk and takes the device, putting it in a strong metal case. It closes with a satisfying click. The woman pressed a button on her desk and the lights in the room dimmed.

"From here on out, this interview is being recorded in a full sensorium. Audio, visual, tactile and spatial recordings are being made. State your legal name and confirm your consent."

"I, Gord Beaverbrook, consent to the recording."

"Are you known by any aliases?"

"None that haven't already passed the Statute of Limitations."

"Thank you Gord, Interview commences." She makes a note on a pad and looks up at Gord. "The recording you heard was a compiled diary from Empress Melody Mullen that started as she departed on FarReach and ended right before she linked over to Sol." The woman busied herself locking the case as she spoke. "Melody's diary coupled with some interviews from residents of the Reach give us a pretty complete view of Melody's time as Empress.

The woman takes out a complicated looking key and opens a drawer in the desk. She puts the case in a drawer, closes and locks it, then turns back to the man in the chair. "You're up to date now. You know what we know. You went out to see her right before the invasion. Anything you care to add?"

Gord leans back and runs his hands through his sandy blond hair. "You should have seen the place Meg, there were 13 million people on that Starbase. They all were happy, healthy, living their lives, loving their Empress."

"And yet, the AI coalition unilaterally decided to assassinate her and remove her from the Sol system by any means necessary. From what I understand, after the anti-nanite gas was deployed you additionally destroyed sixteen Calamity Class super Dreadnoughts." Meg raises an eyebrow.

Meghan Felasheer was the current head of Intelligence for the Outer Planet Alliance. Officially, the OPA is a loose federation of Orbitals, Starbases and scientific research stations and each handles their own day to day operation. But, since first Venus and then Melody started to expand, they have condensed into a much more coherent polity.

With that condensation comes agencies and authorities to help with the operation of said polity. Meghan is the output of this natural process. She does not like her job. Meghan would much rather garden or work in environmental processing or join the Fire Brigade or do anything other than what she's doing now. Still, needs must.

Gord sighs and looks at Meg. This interview was demanded by the OPA after the last of Melody's ships were destroyed and Reach of the Might of Vzzx was linked to Sol. Relations between the AIs and BIs are... strained right now. "Meg, do you know what happened when we recaptured Venus? When we retook Luna?"

"No Gord, tell me what happened when the AIs captured Venus and Luna?" She pointedly did not say 'recaptured.'

"The same thing that happened at every place we took back. They begged us for her return Meg. Begged us." Gord looks haunted. "We had to tell them all the Builders were dead and were never coming back. Meg, there were riots. We quelled the riots and-" Gord sighed. "-lots of innocent people died that didn't have to."

Meghan stares stonily at Gord. "My name is Meghan, Gord." She was on Luna when Melody came. She saw her Empress in person.

Melody's super dreadnoughts caught everyone completely by surprise. Her fleet linked in near Venus, and after a very nominal defense mounted by some tired orbital rear guard, they almost immediately surrendered. Venus was on the brink of starvation anyway, and the Emperor's inner circle saw in Melody a chance of survival. The Emperor suffered an "unfortunate accident" and Melody was contacted. The Emperor was cold and forgotten before Melody even landed in Regantown.

The King is dead, long live the King.

The Mercury Array went just as easily. She didn't even send the whole fleet. Two of her Calamity Class super dreadnoughts linked in near the main offices of the Array and they surrendered. Their first request? Fresh water. Venus hadn't delivered any in months and their recyclers were nearly spent. Everyone had spent the last 4 months there drinking metallic tasting water.

Empress Melody immediately rendered aid. A group of her Builders went down to the array and replaced their water recyclers and brought them gigaliters of water.

Melody spent a month around Venus, visiting all the Floating Cities, using her Voice on the administrators - never the populace - and explaining that they were there to help and give aid however they could. She brought over more Builders and they worked to shore up the cities and make sure all systems were working as they should.

She was loved. She did things their previous Emperor never did. She visited, she spoke with people, she listened.

Only once she was convinced the Floating Cities were in good hands did she set her sites on the domed cities of Luna.

Once again, the moment her fleet linked in, everyone surrendered. Anyone was better than the Venusians, and Melody was gaining a reputation as a just and caring ruler in Sol.

Just like before, she visited all the locations, made a speech, used her voice on the Administrators only and... fixed their problems. Meghan was in the crowd for a speech in the domed city Armstrong. Melody was... radiant. Beautiful, with golden wings and a golden crown, she stood there with her wife Ava and told everyone that things were going to change. Melody would take care of them. She would make sure they weren't forgotten. For people too used to only hearing about what was going on with K'lax and the Independent Starbases and Colony worlds, hearing Melody tell them she was there for them and would look after them? That was worth loyalty to their new Empress.

Earth... was another story.

Earth was very used to people coming to power, making grand proclamations about who was in charge of what and what would or would not change when Empress Melody was in charge. Earth fought back.

It was a bloodbath.

Earth, the Lagrange Orbitals and the stations in LEO formed an uneasy alliance and worked to repel the invaders. Forces that normally were against Venus pivoted immediately to Melody's forces. Being the cradle of Humanity, Earth had people and resources to spare, and they threw them at Melody's empire.

It was then, that everyone saw what Melody's forces would do when pressed. They would hammer an Orbital until it surrendered, then come aboard and Voice everyone - not just the administrators - explain what was happening, that they were in charge and would move on to the next. Empress Melody accepted no compromise, no power sharing, nothing. It would be Empress Melody, or destruction.

Some Orbitals capitulated when this was learned, and some... chose destruction.

With Low Earth Orbit and the Lagrange points captured, Melody gave the planetary forces another change to surrender before orbital bombardment would commence. The deadline passed, and her terrifying Calamity Class super Dreadnoughts Began their work.

The bombardment went on for only two days before Earth surrendered. Millions perished. This time, due to the size and population, Melody did not personally go down and use her Voice. 3 dreadnoughts were left in orbit as a reminder and she continued on. She had planned on coming back after the rest of Sol was captured.

Melody and her fleet and then linked near to Mars and opened a dialog with the OPA. Everyone was tired of war, frightened of Melody or both, and here she comes, fresh off of a successful devastating attack on Earth, the home of Humanity itself.

The OPA was prepared to offer her nominal control as well as recognition and taxes in exchange for safety and support. Everyone was getting ready to sign a treaty.

Then, the AIs came.

Over fifty Starjumpers and easily that many ancillary craft linked in over Mars and immediately starting attacking Melody's new super dreadnoughts. There was no radio contact, no demands of surrender.

If Melody had more ships, she would have won.

As it was, the AIs took terrible losses. Melody's Calamity Class super Dreadnoughts were deadly. They had the power to take on two Starjumpers at once and hold their own.

Centimeter by centimeter the AIs pushed Melody's forces back. The sky behind them littered with the burnt out hulks of Starjumpers and Calamity Class super Dreadnoughts.

It was then that the everyone learned that the AIs had personal wormhole generators. It was long rumored, but the AIs had swore up and down that even though their bodies were powered by the same kind of reactor as their ships that "a personal wormhole generator is a fantasy. Nobody can shrink them down that far."

It was a lie.

The AI troopers would link into Melody's ships and release their anti-nanite gas and link away, without firing a shot.

When people learned about the anti-nanite gas they were horrified.

It was assumed by the Venus, Luna, the OPA and others that the Nanites were sapient. Melody agreed with them and had said how she was treating her Nanites as if they were sapient almost from the beginning. The AIs seemingly didn't care.

The AI's learned about the Nanites from FarReach. Her air was filled with Builder nanomachines. Upon her return, AIs scientists were able to collect, reverse engineer, and develop a disassembly command for them. As they released their anti-nanite gas, the nanites would take themselves apart.

The Builders, who received their augmentations as a result of the Nanites died almost immediately after the gas was released.

As the Builders died, Melody's war of conquest died as well.

Melody fell back, first to Luna, then to Venus and finally back to Reach of the Might of Vzzx, each time inflicting terrible losses on the AIs, but all the while, she was being slowly taken apart by the anti-nanite gas. The AIs had the upper hand now, all they had to do was wait her out.

Six months to the day after she had launched her attack she was killed.

A group of AIs linked into the Reach from a Starjumper that was light-years out of sight, a surprise attack. They released their gas in key locations around the Reach and into the environmental systems.

After a day, they AIs came back with their Starjumper and strode in. The AIs confirmed that Empress Melody Mullen and her wife Ava Williams died in the bath, in her Palace, on Reach of the Might of Vzzx.

With the death of the Builders, and the anti-nanite gas ensuring no more would be created, the AIs had to decide what to do with Reach of the Might of Vzzx. Starjumpers were strapped to the outside, and it, along with the Heinlein and Besmara Shipyards, were linked back to the Sol system. Over AI objections, the OPA took the Reach for their own, and worked with the residents to shore up the Builder systems and install systems that would work without Builder control.

In the Sol system, the AIs were not seen as the rescuing liberators they thought they would be seen as. Everywhere they went, the AIs were asked why was the Empire being destroyed, why were they persecuting Melody, why were they trying to prevent the people from getting the help they need.

Gord looks at Meghan. "Meghan, you have to understand. Melody was too dangerous."

Meghan stared at Gord.

"She was nice, yes, and she took care of her people, yes and the Reach was frankly an amazing place, and we will even admit that she was helping people in Sol, but her power... it was too much."

Meghan stared at Gord.

"All that had to happen was for the next Empress not be as kind or loving as Melody, and you would have been under her heel, forever."

Meghan stared at Gord.

Gord's face screws into a snarl. "We were looking out for all of you! Melody's power was too much. Nobody should be able to give orders that can't be disobeyed. Humanity should not be under the rule of a single person! Did you see Earth? Earth said no and she glassed at least three cities! I know what it looks like." Gord sighed. "Meghan we-"

"Enough." Meghan holds up her hand. "Gord. Who is the leader of the AIs."

Gord looks confused. "We don't have one. We're not a nation."

"Under what banner did the AIs band together to destroy Melody's empire?"

"None. We came together as a group and decided to act."

"Who speaks for the AIs? If not you, then why did you accept our summons?"

Gord crosses his arms. "I am not in charge of the AIs. I'm old. Most AIs respect me and listen to me."

Meghan turns and looks out the window of her office out onto Hyacinth. She looks out at the people walking below, going to work, living their lives, trying to get on without their Empress. She turns back.

Meghan looks through Gord. Her eyes flick and she meets his gaze. "Gord, Do you know what this looks like to us? I mean, really? It looks like you forced us to trade one tyrant who cared about her people, who worked very hard to make sure everyone had what they needed and were taken care of for a different tyrant who only wanted to keep the status quo. You never once asked us if this was what we wanted. You didn't ask, because you were afraid of the answer." As she speaks, Gord looks away.

Meghan looked down at her pad, and flicked to another page. "Gord, do you know what's happening on K'lax?"

Gord looks back and blinks. "No, wha-"

Meghan slams her pad down on the desk. "There's a holy war going on at K'lax right now Gord. The Pro-Empress faction is fighting the Anti-Empress faction. Reports coming back to us are saying it's quite bloody. Both sides have requested human help. There are also reports that the Anti-Empress faction is receiving AI help."

"Gord throws up his hands. "Meghan, we did what we had to do. Even if you don't believe me, even if humanity never believes us, know that we think - no, we know that we are right. We are better off without the Builders, without the Nanites and without Empress Melody and her Voice."

Megan looked at Gord for much longer than was comfortable. Finally, she nodded to herself. She opened a desk drawer and took out a folio. Opening it carefully, she took a paper printout and handed it to Gord.

"What's this?"

"It's an edict. Note the signatories. OPA, High Mars, Luna, and the provisional Venusian government. Due to the 'unfortunate' actions taken by the AI faction against the Empress Melody and her Builders, the AI faction is hereby banned from the Sol system until further notice. Any current AI residents who wish to stay may remain behind, but all Colonial AIs will vacate."

Gord leaned back as if he was slapped. "What?" he whispered. "What about Earth?"

"Earth was not consulted. If they wish to coordinate action they will need to go through Luna. You are no longer welcome in Sol. You took it upon yourselves to remove someone you felt was a danger to you. This is the price you pay for your unilateral actions."

Meghan turned and faced the window. "You and all Colonial AIs within the system have twelve hours to vacate Sol. Any remaining Colonial AI ships will be fired upon by the nearest OPA ship." Turned back and faced Gord. "This interview has finished. The sensorium recording shall be encrypted and uploaded to all relevant parties and shall be seen as binding." She pressed a button on her desk and the lights in the room came up.

Gord stood. There was nothing else to do. "You'll be back. When you're over your snit, and realize we are right and you want to talk again, reach out. We'll be waiting." Without another word, he turned and walked out of the office. The door closed behind him with a soft click.

"Hail Empress Melody the First." A single tear fell from Meghan's cheek, and splashed onto her lap.

Meghan picked up her pad, and quickly sent out a message. From a location on the other side of Hyacinth, a beacon linked away.

Gord strode across the quad of the OPA Administrative offices towards the docking ring. He contacted his ship. "Hat" he said tersely. "We're being kicked out. You scan any friends who need a ride here?"

"Kicked out? I.. No Gord, it's just us."

"Good. Let's delta before they decide to make 12 hours 6."

Gord walked aboard his friend Medicine Hat. He climbed into the old familiar interior and cast his eye around. All around him were mementos of his travels and especially of Canada, where he originally from. Canada, like most countries on Earth is long gone, but he keeps her memory alive.

Gord looks down at a console. "Any AI ships in system? We need to let them know they gotta boogie before the OPA opens fire." He sent a digital copy of the edict to Hat who whistled low when he read it.

"Gord, they're kicking us out? We're being targeted by 3 separate ships. They are all flying OPA colors. Weapons aren't hot, but they're using active pings. They want us to know they see us."

Gord narrows his eyes. They aren't playing. "Colonial AIs are no longer welcome in Sol, yes."

"But... we saved them."

Gord sat in his command chair. It was overstuffed and soft and upholstered in flannel. "They don't see it that way, friend. We acted too late it looks like. Earth understood what was at stake, but the former Venusian territories just saw a nicer version of what they had already."

"I mean, I didn't expect a ticker-tape parade when we were done, but this? This feels too much. What about AI residents? I admit there weren't too many who stayed in Sol after Venus and everything, but there were some."

"They accounted for that. Any permanent AI residents are allowed to stay with full rights and privileges. They just want the 'interlopers' out." Gord sounded sad and bitter when he was explaining to Hat. "Let any of them that we still have numbers for know that heading to Earth is probably a smart idea right now. FarReach really scared us with her report. When I went out, I was concerned but, not really like, worried until she tried to use her Voice on me."

"You said it didn't work though."

"It didn't stick is what I said. It worked for about six hours. Long enough for her to convince me that everything was fine and for us to trade some maple for some tea and for me to leave. I came to my senses right after I linked home. By the time I gave my report, she had linked to Venus and begun. She must have realized it didn't work and that if she didn't go right then we were going to assassinate her."

"But, we weren't going to assassinate her Gord, right?"

Gord sits in the chair, and starts sending the edict to AI ships in system, letting them know it's time to go.

"Gord?"

Gord sighs and leans his head back, staring at the ceiling. "No, she was completely right Hat, that's the bitch of it. We would have had to assassinate her. This was the only way it was going to go down. Our only hope was that we would have to deal with a broken Reach of the Might of Vzzx, but we were too slow. Earth said no, and she started glassing cities. She wasn't going to take any other answer than "All Hail Empress Melody."

"Well what now then Gord? You're still legally a resident of Earth."

Gord sighed. "I am, but I can't say I'm too... excited about the thought of hanging around here right now. We'll obey the edict for now. Let's link to Meíhuā. We haven't been there in a while, I bet some folks will want some maple syrup."

Medicine Hat sighed. "You got it Gord."

****

Near Venus, a message beacon appeared, beamed a message and then destroyed itself. The report was decrypted and read under Regantown.

"Hyacinth reporting."

"And?"

"The edict has been delivered. Gord and the AIs are leaving Sol now."

"Do they suspect anything?"

"No, Helen. Melody's plan worked completely."

Helen Raaden wiped a tear from her eye. "She should have hid with us. She did not need to sacrifice herself."

"She needed it to work Helen. She knew that her body was going to be the only thing that satisfied the AI faction." Um'reli looked up from her chair in the Command Deck of the Lavinia. "the AIs have been given 12 hours to vacate."

Helen leaned back in her chair, exasperated. "I still don't see why it has to be me."

"It was Melody's last wish. She said you would be best able to lead after her."

"We can't be the only Builders left though, can we?"

"You know we are Helen. Omar died when our Dreadnought was caught in the firefight early on over High Mars and the others perished as the anti-nanite gas tore through them. Frankly, I'm surprised that the Reach survived at all." Um'reli sniffs and wipes a tear at the memory. She was onboard Raaden's ship when her ship was taken by surprise and destroyed by the AIs.

Grand Admiral Helen Raaden sighed. "I'm glad it did. If the AI faction had murdered the 13 million people on the Reach, especially all those different sapients who live nowhere else it would have been unforgivable. As it is, everyone in Sol is not a fan of the AIs right now."

Um'reli looked up at her. "What about Earth and the colony worlds?"

"We heard from Parvati and Meíhuā before things fell apart. They had officially recognized the rule of Empress Melody in Sol so long as she wasn't planning on visiting. I can only assume they'll recognize the rule of the next Empress. As for Earth...We'll take care of Earth this time. Did anyone ever hear from K'lax?"

Um'reli's ears flicked frustration. "I heard that there's some kind of civil war going on. The Pro Melody faction against the Anti Melody faction." She turned away. "It's rough right now. She got up from her chair and walked over to Helen. She put her small hand on her shoulder. "I wish Melody was here."

Helen reached up and squeezed her hand on her shoulder. "I know. Me too."

"This won't be as easy as it was the first time."

Helen shrugged. "It will and it won't. We don't have the firepower to back up the words, but most everyone in Sol liked Melody. They'll see us - me - as an extension of that rule. I think it'll work." Helen looked up to the navigation officer. "Take us down. Use the coordinates the Empress gave us."

"Aye, Grand Admiral."

The Vengeance of Lavinia II detached from underneath Regantown where it was hiding and sank into the thick, heavy atmosphere of Venus. As it went lower and lower, the huge Calamity Class super Dreadnought creaked and moaned in protest to the higher pressures. She was well built though, and the atmospheric control surfaces aided in control.

A few hours later they were above the location given to them by Melody before she and Ava linked back to the Reach for their final stand. Slowly the massive ship settled lower and lower until it touched the hot surface of Venus.

"Contact, Grand Admiral. We're down."

Helen nodded. "Thank you. We'll suit up and walk to the coordinates." Um'reli stood from her station and looked at Helen, who also stood to leave.

An Engineering officer looked up. "Please make haste Grand Admiral. We can only stay at this depth for a few hours before we start to take damage."

Helen and Um'reli suited up in special high pressure suits. The Venusians were familiar with going to the surface, and their designs were well tested and safe. Um'reli's suit had to be tweaked a bit for her K'laxi frame, but she was able to work with the printer team to get it fitted. They completed checks and cycled the airlock.

The surface of Venus is intense.

Dark, rocky and windy, it was difficult going even in their suits. After 10 minutes of hiking, they found the wreckage.

Helen and Um'reli looked over the pile of twisted metal towering over them that Melody's coordinates led to.

"This is a Gate?" Helen sounded exasperated over the radio link.

"Melody says it's the Sol Gate. It showed up in her Gate census, so she says it still has power."

"Ugh. Okay then." Helen looked around and saw what could charitably be called the remains of a doorway. "I guess... we'll go in and look."

As they walked in, the howling wind of the Venusian surface quieted. It was still incredibly hot, but at least they didn't have to lean into the wind now.

Um'reli reached out with her Nanites. The feelings she got were very faint but... "I think I can feel it Helen. Try reaching out."

Helen reached out as well and... there, over in the corner. "Yes, I feel it too Um'reli."

They walked over to the corner that they felt, and laying on it's side, with corners chipped but otherwise intact was a directory stone.

Helen looked over at Um'reli "What do I do?"

Um'reli flicked her years in worry, but that was hidden by her helmet. "Melody said to just touch it, and the Nanites will do the rest."

"Well, here goes nothing then." Helen reached out, and with an armored glove, touched the directory stone. There was no flash, no dramatic lighting, no noise, just...

Hi Helen! I'm so glad you made it!

Melody? Aren't you dead?

Yes, I am. But I am also the memory of her that was recorded by the Nanites and uploaded. As long as there is an Empress, I will never truly die. And now, neither will you...

Helen came to on the floor with Um'reli shaking her. "Helen! You gotta get up. I can't carry you myself. It's time to go!"

Helen put an arm up to stop Um'reli. "Ugh. Okay, I'm up, I'm up." She sat up. "How long was I out?

"30 seconds maybe? It wasn't long. You touched the stone and threw your head back and fell over. What happened?"

"I... I talked to Melody, or the memory of her, or something. She said that the Nanites record memories and pass them on to future Empresses."

"So that's it then? You're Empress?"

Helen stood. She - at the same time - felt like herself and also felt different than before.

Oh you're taking to this much easier than Melody did. Good work. She was right, you'll be a great Empress.

She turned to Um'reli. "Yes, I am Empress."

Um'reli bowed low. "Empress. Welcome back."

Helen looked down at Um'reli and for a moment, her perception was felt... down time across as She looked at her subject. This was right. This was how it was supposed to be. Empress Helen Raaden nodded.

L̵̠̖͗ḛ̵̥̟͇̣̟̪̐͌͛̇̐̿͛̀͐̍̈́̽͂̐̌͠͝ͅt̷̬̞͎̱̞̤̯͓͖̭̺͛̅́̓'̷̨̧̞̖̯̏̀̈́̈́s̷̡̢͕̥̦̤̯̜̫̱̰̱͉͚̆̈́́̓͋̈́͂̏͋̏́̃͒̀͘͠͝ ̸̰̲͈̥͚̥̼̤̱̃̒̀͜g̸̨̪͍̱͇̤̰̼͚̰̬͖̪̝̦͑̈́̂̀̾͋̅̎̄̊̍́̑̌̃͛͝o̴͈͓̱̪̬̞̊͊̑̂̚.̵̡̢̠͙̰̘̫̗̾̈́̐͒̀́͋̃̂̕̕͘͝

And that's it! Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. This was a real challenge for me, it was my first time writing long form first person, my first time trying out a YA-ish style of story and my first Villain Perspective.

So yes, Word Of Author, Melody was not the Hero. She thought she was, and she surrounded herself with people that thought she was too. By only (deliberately) including her POV it was tough to tell.

Like at the end of HD, I'm going to take a week or two to rest, and compile this into a single doc and do some first pass editing. The writing really is the fun part, all that other stuff after is less so. Someone needs to hire me a team of editors to take care of that part! :D

I have a few ideas for the next one too. I liked how most of JALF took place only in one location, I might try and narrow focus down even further. Maybe in a single city or something, give it a real cyberpunk vibe. My universe is large enough that there can be all kinds of different settings available to play in.

Thanks again for reading!

[nodawnesperia]

Current Status Report (faction status part 1)

This is probably a set of the last of the worldbuilding posts for now and after this, I might start getting into characters and/or plotlines, but I wanted to record general faction and organization/community lore here. I will try to compare canon and au since y'all seem to enjoy the canon info as well but it might get too long.

Lightbearers

The Lightbearer Temple: The Divine Congregation

Previously: The routine religious affairs are handled by the Divine Congregation. It consists of the Holy Father and Three Cardinals at the top, Lightbearer Priests, Knights of Grace, Ministers of Light, and others. Alongside their religious duties, they also aid the royal family and many of the nobles of the Empire in political and court matters. Currently: The Divine Congregation no longer exists, crushed underfoot by the Hypogean army. Most of the church had either deserted or were captured and imprisoned but some managed to escape and leave with the refugees to help treat them at the Temple of Seers.

The Lightbearer Temple: The Heresy Inquisition

Previously: The most secretive part of the Lightbearer Temple, comprised of the Blademaster Nuns and Protectors of Souls, their one and only job is to hunt down and eliminate evil. Some of them claim to be hearing the voices of the gods while others merely follow the most extreme parts of the doctrine. They answer only to the Holy Father himself and are granted power over the life and death of all followers of the Light. Currently: With the Holy Father dead, the Heresy Inquisition lost a lot of its power and my members were sold out by those in the temple afraid of their influence. The remaining members now use their expertise in stealth and secret contacts and bases to evade capture and quietly attack lone Hypogeans and their supporters.

Imperial Army: The Guardians of the Dawn

Previously: The elite army forces, often referred to as the Empire's Spearhead. It is traditionally led by a senior general from the Rayne family and was founded by the first Lightbearer king, Ancelot. Currently: With the Rayne family out of the picture and Estrilda too young to take over the position, the Guardians of Dawn were forced to enter the battle far from their peak condition. The soldiers fought valiantly but a combination of internal betrayals, power struggles, and a scattered chain of command led to their eventual crushing defeat.

Imperial Army: The Imperial Garrison

Previously: The shield of the Empire, the border guard, the Imperial Garrison is filled with soldiers willing to defend their homeland with their lives. Despite the conflict with the Maulers rising, the Imperial Garrison boasts an impressive record of not giving a single inch. Currently: The Imperial Garrison struggled against the invasion for a long time before King Samuel changed their orders, realizing trying to hold the joint Hypogean and Graveborn forces was impossible in the long run. The Imperial Garrison's new assignment became helping the people of the Empire escape the horrors of war.

Imperial Army: The Royal Garrison

Previously: Protecting not only the royal family but also the royal capital, the Royal Garrison is the Empire's last line of defense and the king's inner circle of highly-trained troops. Currently: With the people of the capital handed into the care of the Imperial Garrison, the Royal Garrison focused solely on protecting the royal family, getting all of them safely into the Temple of Seers. However, as many people keep growing increasingly upset with the current leadership of the remnants of the Empire, even the loyalty of the Royal Garrison is beginning to falter.

Imperial Army: The Royal Artillery

Previously: The rare few dwarves who prefer to work with precision and range formed the Royal Artillery of the Imperial Army. They work as snipers at extremely long range, often striking down enemies before they even know they are under attack. Currently: Having faced the Hypogean army, the Royal Artillery scored many victories but ultimately was defeated once the Hypogean commander Kane entered the fray. Most of the dwarves were captured and sent to work creating machinery for the advancing army.

Order of the Sun: The Astral Academy

Previously: The magic school established by the Order of the Sun has become the premier arcane institution in the Empire. It was created in cooperation with the Wilders, bringing their knowledge of natural magic together with the Lightbearers' tradition of arcane rituals. Currently: After compromising the Society of the Crow, the takeover of the Astral Academy happened seamlessly, plunging the once prestigious institution into little more than a cult center.

The Bounty Guild: The Renegade Brotherhood

Previously: Separate from the mercenaries of the Bounty Guild, the Brotherhood members specialize in hunting the creatures of the night, fighting alone or in small groups. They often get in conflict with the Heresy Inquisition due to the overlap in their work assignments. Currently: Not much has changed for the members of the Brotherhood. While public bounties are virtually non-existent, the Guild functions in secrecy, working as an underground organization that strikes from the shadows. But there are also those who carry out hits for the Hypogeans, not caring which side they fight for so long as they get paid.

The Tulip Poetry Circle

Previously: A social group of bards, poets, musicians, and other word-smithing artists based in Kuilin City, they often host public events that strive to inspire creativity in others. It is led by the king's brother, Prince Lester, together with one of the merchant nobles, Earl Leofric. Currently: A major split happened in the Circle after Prince Lester joined the Hypogean side. While some believe it was one for the safety of his city and continue to support him, others denounce him for being a traitorous coward, the Tulip Poetry Circle didn't survive the schism and no longer exists.

Rustport: The Whispers

Previously: One of the largest gangs in Rustport founded by the dynamic duo of orphaned girls once living in the streets and controlled by the only surviving member. They have a finger in every pie in the city, dealing in everything from information to slave trade Currently: With the Hypogean-Graveborn alliance sweeping through the Lightbearer Empire, an unexpected face appeared in Rustport. Nara, one of the founders of the Whispers who disappeared decades ago, has come back as a Graveborn, reclaiming her spot in the Whispers and helping them rise to the top, controlling the city of Rustport with an iron fist.

Wilders

The Mistletoe Council: The Wilder Council

Previously: Comprised of the Oak Sages, the Mistletoe Council presides over matters of the Wilders, using their knowledge of the forest and its traditions to guide the development of the entire faction. They work closely with the Wind Whisperers, gathering intelligence on the current happenings in all of Esperia. Currently: With the Dark Forest overrun and the Wilders chased out or captured, the Wilder Council is no more. The slow reaction of the Oak Sages is mostly blamed for the lack of effective defense mounted to at least slow down the invaders and most of the Wilders who managed to avoid capture thus far no longer trust the former sages.

The Mistletoe Council: The Whisperers of the Wind

Previously: As the intelligence organization of the Wilders, the Whisperers of the Wind are positioned around all corners of Esperia, passing messages to keep the Wilder Council updated on what is happening. Some of them are also trained to use their skills in combat, instructing small squads of scouts to avoid enemies. Currently: Thanks to their advanced skills of perception, most of the Whisperers of the Wind managed to escape the Hypogeans' clutches and continue to evade them while providing information to their Wilder allies still putting up a fight. Because of this, most of them have large bounties on their heads and even those who aren't sought by name can bring in a good coin to whoever captures them.

The Twilight Scouts and the Thorned Vengeance

Previously: The Dusk Patrollers is a centralized military force consisting of the Forest Hunters and the Twilight Scouts. Of the two groups, the former is the main standing army while the latter is the elite assassin and scouting forces. The Thorned Vengeance is a vigilante organization living on the edges of Wilder society that attacks all those who step foot in the forest without having been born there. They are widely regarded as extremists but many of them have deep-rooted personal reasons for their convictions. Currently: The Dusk Patrollers have never been founded. Instead, the small military group the Wilders kept after the first Hypogean war became known as the Twilight Scouts. However, scouts and assassins alone were not able to protect the Dark Forest and with the failing trust in the Oak Sages, even their fellow Wilders began turning on them. The Thorned Vengeance, on the other hand, gained massive support from the Wilders afraid or struck by the calamity of the Barred Gate breaking. After the fall of Yggdrasil, Thorned Vengeance became the de-facto ruling body of the Wilders, urging every free Wilder to learn how to wield a weapon or use magic.

The Elemental Temples

Previously: Each of the five elemental temples at the Bastion of the Elements houses a number of sages dedicated to studying and harnessing the power of the particular element and is under the protection of one of Esperia's elemental guardians. Currently: With the Bastion in disrepair and the Solaran Furnace laid bare, the sages all fled, died, or converted under the guidance of the elemental guardians. With many of the elemental guardians becoming corrupted, the question of whether elemental magic is safe to use is currently a hot topic of debate among those who still retain their freedom.

Dreamwood

Previously: Dreamwood is the magical divide between the real world and the realm of dreams. Whenever night falls over the Dark Forest, the magic of Dreamwood awakens, bringing forth fantastical and magical creatures and allowing mortals to step foot into the dream world. Currently: After Ezizh took over the dream realm, Dreamwood became a place infinitely more sinister and foreboding. Those who cross the boundary between worlds at night will no longer find themselves surrounded by fairies and magical whimsy but rather plunged into the depths of nightmares that will drive them mad.

Maulers

Chieftain's Peak

Previously: The Grand Chieftain of the Maulers resides atop the craggy mountain known as the Chieftain's Peak. Ascending the mountain is notoriously difficult and only those in the best physical condition are able to climb it without help. The Grand Chieftain is joined by the Blood Guard at the top, overseeing clan disputes and other matters that require careful and wise guidance. Currently: With the mountain peaks being both too obvious a target and too removed from the real battle, the Chieftain's banner now flies side by side with that of the Mauler Bloodclaw on the front lines as well as back at the Temple of Seers. The Blood Guard took up arms to defend the Mauler Enclave while the Grand Chieftain stayed at the temple, devising strategies.

Paragon's Peak

Previously: Home of the Mauler Bloodclaw, the Paragon's Peak boasts fame and respect equal to that of Chieftain's Peak. The Bloodclaw is the mightiest warrior of the Maulers, and someone who personifies the Mauler will to the extreme. Currently: With the constant ongoing battle, Paragon's Peak remains empty, awaiting the return of its master. Brutus the Bloodclaw is on the front lines, leading his people into battle after battle, often with little to no rest in between. Having split the responsibility of leading charge with the Blood Guard, he focuses on repelling the Hypogeans while the Blood Guard fights off the Graveborn.

Temple of the Seers

Previously: Said to be built during the Age of Arcana, the Temple of Seers is a magnificent structure by Dura's Gift regarded by the Maulers as sacred. The numerous engravings on the walls gave birth to the Maulers' special kind of magic, commonly referred to as Voodoo, which draws power from nature and the divine itself and which many scholars consider the purest form of magic currently existing in Esperia. The temple has an elite squad of warriors loyal only to the temple itself and a number of clerics and priests studying ancient magic and serving as religious leaders during numerous annual festivals. Currently: With the war raging on, the Temple of Seers became a safe haven for refugees from all over Esperia. Temple warriors became the last line of defense working side by side with Lightbearers and Wilders to protect those who cannot protect themselves. The priests and clerics became healers and peacemakers. The Grand Chieftain also resides at the temple, penning strategies and meditating in hopes of attaining a divine vision.

The Hooves of Fury

Previously: Thanks to their extraordinary speed and endurance, the centaurs became the Mauler cavalry. Their heavy regiment is known as the Hooves of Fury, generally regarded as the single most powerful cavalry in all of Esperia. Currently: The Hooves of Fury remain mostly undefeated even in the current conflict and are one of the main reasons why the Mauler Enclave hasn't fallen yet. Aside from heavy cavalry duty, the younger centaurs serve as scouts and messengers, delivering orders and instructions swiftly between the warring Maulers and the Temple of Seers or from one regimen to another.

The Exiles

Previously: Exiled for various reasons, those residing in the most inhospitable part of the desert generally do not cooperate with each other and only seek to make their own miserable lives better. Some of them take up work for the Lightbearer Empire to cause trouble to their fellow Maulers while others become bandits roaming the land and ambushing caravans. Currently: With the brunt of the fight happening in the Land of Exiles, simply existing without taking a side is no longer possible. And while an offer was extended to those who fought for their old clans to be allowed back into the Mauler society, many decided to side with the Hypogeans, severing all ties they once had with the rest of their people.

The Queens' League

Previously: Despite their differences, the Sphinx and the Arachin clans formed an alliance, helping each other with their respective issues. The sphinx are cunning experts at arcane magic while the arachin set simple but deadly traps, poisoning their prey with neurotoxins. Being the only two matriarchal clans in the Mauler society is about the only thing they have in common. Currently: While tensions within the alliance rise, both sides realize the importance of keeping the status quo for the sake of their own stability. Due to this, they pretend to be unaware of each other's activities outside of their agreement. The Sphinx provide their assistance from the shadows to the Graveborn while the Arachin supply the Mauler forces with deadly poison to coat their weapons and armor.

Part 2 is coming (hopefully) tomorrow and will focus on the remaining three factions: Graveborn, Celestials, and Hypogeans. It will be far less detailed as most things will remain the same for the Hypogean-Graveborn alliance. As for the Celestials... things will be interesting.

[nikethestatue]

So one thing that is important and never brought up enough is when you just focus on Sarah as a writer and human is that in all of her books, she has NEVER rewritten a losing virginity scene

NEVER

I can’t remember if she explicitly stated somewhere that she won’t, but after 10 years of reading her books that is something she’s never done, which as a romance writer HAS to be intentional. She’s written people fucking in the sky while flying, but the few times someone is losing their virginity it’s always been a fade to black or brief mentions of it but not the actual full scene.

The closest we get is “-and gave him everything she had.” Which was her first published sex scene, and “so Lorcan did.” Both in ToG. Justice for Elorcan😔🙏🏻

I 100% people should respect that authors can have boundaries too, like that can be a heavy topic for people! Especially for women who often have their literal worth tied to their virginity. EVEN IN HER BOOKS Mor and Lysandra 1. suffer consequences for losing it on her own terms or 2. have hers be auctioned off AT 17🤢

She’s a sex positive author, and yes this post sounds like I’m basing a characters worth on if they’ve had sex so I’m sorry I swear that’s not what I’m doing BUT THEY’RE CHARACTERS. SHE MADE UP. Not that being a virgin is a bad thing because it’s not. She just has a pattern for smut and even if we exclude the no virginity scenes I’m so sorry to the other ship BUUUUT having one of the 3 men who are in positions of power and have basically unlimited access to characters who’ve been SA’d, do people really think Sarah would make THAT a foundation of an entire ROMANCE BOOK AS IF THAT’S NOT A COMPLETE ABUSE OF POWER? If Rhys or any member of the inner circle, ESPECIALLY MOR(!) don’t kill Az if he did that, I’m sure his MOTHER or the other priestesses would. Could you imagine being a priestess and finding out your trainer and one of the few men you have contact with is trying to get his dick wet with one of your sisters? How violating that would be, no matter how professional he’d behave like Cassian during training? Thought Cassian and Nesta are a completely different circumstance, even if g and az were mates. They’d lose all of the Valkyrie’s and any sense of safety with the night court.

And to those doubting Elain getting a book, why would Sarah throw in that Elain lost her virginity off page? Entirely pointless, ESPECIALLY for a character viewed as a prude UNLESS she is laying the ground work for her future main character in a series where people fuck. A LOT. That’s literally Sarah’s pattern as a writer, hence one of the reasons we saw Nesta use sex as a coping mechanism and why Cassian didn’t take her v card, which I think started in frost and starlight off page BEFORE Nesta’s book.

Plus homie can’t even stand to visit Illyria bc of how they treat women, how people think Az would go after someone under his care who he literally rescued is genuinely terrifying???

Or that she’d force a Elain to be with a man who makes her uncomfortable no matter how likeable he is because someone/something/a-big-ass-pot decided for her at literally the worst moment in her life? Choice is so important to her as a writer

And again no one’s worth is based on their sexual history, whether it’s consensual or not because only you define yourself, which is one of the main messages she’s always had. And while these are characters are on a page, to whoever reads this you are a real person and your story is worth telling. (I know this is a sensitive topic and I’m trying so hard not to offend anyone and you don’t have to post it I am just so confused. Like yes people who’ve experienced such things like myself can and do still have sex, but if she -the writer- BARELY touches on Rhys’s assault during sex with Feyre, not even his own pov, or Nesta with Tomas or even Lidia, WHY would she go from zero to 10000 and write g’s sex scene who is a virgin.)

Who knows, maybe one day she’d write her story, but I’m sorry to say not starting out without her having sex before it starts.

The funny thing is that she said exactly that--she doesnt write virginity scenes because she doesn't like the power imbalance.

Especially since she tends to have these massive age gaps. But then she always gives actual magical power to the women to balance the age thing out.

I don't know why people don't understand how bad it would look. Especially given Azriel's mother's history, where she had no autonomy, and was made to be a virtual slave to the lord. No one is saying that that's Azriel obviously, but it would be a terrible breach of trust and could only be viewed as predatory. What I don't understand is that the same people screech that Rhys assaulted Feyre UTM (I categorically do not think that he did, but that's beside the point) but at the same time they feel that a Gwynriel relationship would be appropriate. Oh, well what if they are mates! Mate bonds aren't a ticket to do whatever the hell one wants, under any circumstances.

Azriel getting it on with a priestess from the Library is just not appropriate under any conditions. Especially with one who needs to ask Clotho for permission to go to a sleepover with Nesta and Emerie in the same building she lives in.

[itsuki-minamy]

"SIDE GOLD"

CHAPTER 3: OOTONO BENJI (PART 4)

* List of Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Anno

"Kirinoichi" is found, as the name suggests, in the night mist. He could dimly see the stalls with straw mats spread out on the floor, a rarity these days, and people milling around them under the bare hanging light bulbs. The voices that came and went swayed, disconcerting the visitors with an ambiguous sense of distance, as near or far.

In such a city, in a plaza that could be the inner part or the edge, the "Kagirohigumi" and the "Fourth Legal Affairs Office" divided into several groups, surrounding a pot placed on a charcoal brazier. Everyone was dipping their chopsticks into the town's self-proclaimed specialty, "Nan-yara-nabe" (short for "What's on it?"), to replenish their mental and physical fatigue with nabe.

Ootono was in one of these relaxation circles.

Or rather, they were mixed.

The attitude of the people surrounding the pot was completely transparent.

"I became the "King" right after the defeat, when I finished taking care of the remaining business of the General Staff Headquarters. When I was having breakfast, I said to Chika-san who was sitting across from me: "As promised. I survived the war. Let's get married."

Not to mention Nazumi, who talks bluntly as if he's giving a sermon.

"What are you talking about, stupid?"

Unno with a face of chewing bitter bugs that were not in the ingredients of the pot.

"So, did you get it!?"

"Yes, because I promised. It was the best condition for us to survive."

Suwako, who lashed out at the conversation, and Chika, who responded calmly.

"If you don't want to fight, you might eat as well."

"......"

Okuma, who calmly handed over the bowl, paid no attention to the appearance of Ootono, who was covered in bandages. Only Colt received the bowl as it was given to him, it may because he was so depressed that he couldn't even afford to do like as everybody...

(After seeing such a monster, maybe I'm not a big deal.)

Even he looked down on himself, they were all so natural.

Nazumi continued.

"Yes, that kind of consent..."

"It was always exactly the same "yes"."

Chika's correction followed.

"The moment I got permission, I came into contact with that "Slate"."

Unno vomited in a bad mood.

"So what are you talking about? You want me to call you a lucky bastard?"

He looked at Ootono as if he was asking for his consent.

Nazumi also ignored Unno.

"The good is the good... I think that the "explosion of desire to build a new time" that I sustained caused the "Slate" to react. It is also said that the other "Kings" are the reason for his mental image."

He looked at Ootono as if asking for an answer.

Ootono himself did not react to any of them. Or rather, he didn't know how to react and remained silent. Originally, he had no intention of being this close to them, nor did he intend to have a complicated conversation.

Right after he helped them to escape from that "nothing".

Before he knew it, he was able to use the mysterious mist, guiding the group to where "Kirinoichi" was, which he had established nearby.

He would hide them in that hiding place until he was sure the "nothing" that was crawling around was gone. But he had nothing else to do with it.

With that thought in mind, he sat with his back against the city gate post (it was just a wooden stake left in the vacant lot), playing the accordion with a casual look on his face.

"Oh, Ni-san. Thank you for letting our boys escape."

"You are the "King" of the Gray Sword. Nice to meet you."

Ootono, who did not want to reveal his true identity, was shocked, but his legs did not have the strength to immediately escape. All he could do was remain seated and replied with a confused manner.

"Oh, why do you know?"

"Well, somehow."

"That's because everyone is a "King"."

The group that was supposed to let them pass also stopped around the three of them, so he had no choice but to lead them. It was out of desperation that he decided to spend the time waiting around the hot pot together.

As the townspeople prepared the pot, he received an explanation from Nazumi, and learned that he was apparently the "Grey King" Benji Ootono.

However, the impression...

(It's also quite pretentious.)

That's what it meant.

Regardless of the facts, Ootono thought that his capacity (what he could do, what he wanted to do, what he could hold, and what he wanted to retain) was "very small."

Even if he knew it was just a title, it was terrifying. He couldn't even think it was a joke to stand shoulder to shoulder with youngsters who could boast of themselves as "Kings", let alone fight against anything.

For him, the mist was not a weapon of war. All he needed was a modest fence to protect the people who connected their days here in "Kirinoichi".

The young people treated Ootono as something normal.

"What about that "mental image"? It's a story that neither I nor this Ni-san knew about."

"That's not enough, so I'm going to explain. I hope you don't break the story."

He rushed into the refereeing of the gaze.

"Ok, ok, you two."

It wasn't his style at all.

After thinking about it, Ootono rethought:

(Is that so?)

Suddenly, he remembered the old days when his voice and his body bounced, and he felt a pain in his chest.

Instead of a bitter smile, he asked with twitching cheeks.

"I have something to do with it too, you say?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't say it's irrelevant. That monster called "Black Cloak" is based on the same laws as us... it's one of the 'Kings' who was born according to some kind of mental image."

Hearing Nazumi's words, the movement of the chopsticks around the pot stopped for a moment.

Unno snorted and stuck his chopsticks into the pot, and the piece of carrot got caught.

"Eh, is that the same as me? What kind of joke is that?"

Nazumi dipped his chopsticks into the pot and found a piece of corned beef.

"You should also "somehow" understand that your power was absorbed. Judging by the passion in his voice, he also has a will. That... is someone..."

Okuma, who picked up a mochi-like object, and Suwako, who filled her mouth with potatoes, looked at the chief with a grim expression.

"A monster that eats people, is it a person?"

"It's scary that I couldn't put my fists through it."

"Don't worry, I'll beat you next time."

Groundlessly, but firmly, Unno promised.

Next to him, Colt was muttering to himself as he held a bowl that had piled up unnoticed (everyone was pushing stuff they didn't want to eat into the pot) in his hand.

"What we've dabbled in... how far away is the "King"... isn't it beyond human control?"

Chika, who bit into takuan, asked her husband with a sense of crisis.

"In other words, someone started targeting not only Hagure, but also the "King"... Do you have any plans to counter it?"

"No, nothing."

Nazumi reluctantly gave in to his wife, but it's not like there wasn't a plan.

"However, I believe that by exploring the mental image I mentioned earlier, we will be able to identify the characteristics of the "Black Cloak" monster and how to deal with it. So..."Grey King" Benji Ootono."

His gaze turned and he caught Ootono head on.

That force made Benji's big body cringe.

"What...?"

"You were able to lead our retreat. In other words, capture the movement of the "Black Cloak", right? If you don't mind, I'd like you to tell me the reason."

Nazumi took off his cap and bowed his head.

"What? After all you depend on Ni-san for that measures?"

Ootono gently accepted Unno's sarcasm.

"I don't care that much."

"Please."

Saying that, Nazumi took a calm listening stance.

Although he didn't want to follow his example, Unno's sheer interest silenced him.

Everyone's attention was focused on the circle of the pot.

Ootono flinched, his lips cramping as he prefaced.

"Because I'm like this... I can't speak fluently."

This time Chika bowed her head next to Nazumi.

"Take your time."

"......"

Even with such courtesy, Ootono began to speak.

"...This mist is like a part of me. It seems to be a convenient thing that I can sense the movement of the person who entered and confuse them."

Seeing is believing, the mist gathered on the bandaged palm, forming a ball of pure white.

In the air of astonishment, Nazumi analyzed the phenomenon.

"I see... So, the power of the "Grey King" is detection and disturbance?"

"Well, I wonder if that's what it is."

Nodding, Ootono literally scattered the ball in his hand.

"However, it must have been around autumn, on the edge of the mist... ''Musikui'' began to appear. It eats my mist as it passes, leaving holes in it."

"If it's like our "power", it'll eat anything..."

Unno remembered the feeling of being sucked in and clenched his fist.

Ootono nodded again.

"Every time I get bitten on the edge, I run away in a hurry, but... ''Musikui'' writhes all over Tokyo like a snake, so it's really scary to find it again and again."

Then he looked at the two young men.

"But tonight, I felt like a huge mass with great force was flowing into... I think it also felt the two of them collided."

"It tried swallowing us in a big chunk?"

"The first event, that happened today, was a clash between "Kings"...  the time when you woke up as a "King" but no sword appearance was seen, because that was nighttime?"

He slowly nodded three times.

"That's all I can say... Did I help you?"

Nazumi and Chika once again expressed their gratitude with a beautiful bow.

"More than enough information. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Thank you for taking the risk and helping us."

Ootono couldn't take it straight.

"Kindness, no."

He lowered his eyes as if he regretted it.

"What would happen to him if he ate a power as big as you two? I got scared, so I came to check on him. That's all."

Then, Unno spoke with a warm voice of goodwill.

"If that's all, don't bother saying "Come here, run away"."

"......!"

He raised Ootono's line of sight.

His eyes were a little more stern than his voice, but he was still smiling. If the other person hadn't been hurt, he could have hit their back.

Both Suwako and Okuma smiled, bowed their thick bodies, and thanked him.

"Well, actually, I was saved... Thank you."

"Don't forget your kindness."

Finally, after confirming the appearance of his subordinates, including "Ebisu no Kunizo", who seemed to be uncomfortable with other circles, Colt murmured something into his mouth.

Ootono, who couldn't stand the things that sprouted anymore, decided to separate.

"We are fine now... it seems to be gone."

"That's right, Gosso-san!"

"PAHN", making a sound and join his palms together, Unno stood up neatly without regretting any remnants.

Seeing that, the "Kagirohigumi" also left their seats.

In response, Chika said, "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau.".

The Colt team also secretly tried not to stand out.

Finally, Nazumi stood up and handed over a business card.

"With your power, you should be able to deal with it, but if you have any problems, contact the "Fourth Legal Affairs Office" here. If you want, we can put you in public protection, along with the people who live here. Honestly, in a time when that is lurking, it is more dangerous to stay away."

Ootono received the business card, but did not stand up.

"Thank you."

While he was sitting, he slowly shook his head.

"But I... will protect these people who can only stay here."

No one denied the way of life of the "Grey King" there.

The mist melted in the morning sun.

They were released in an unknown open space.

As if waking up from a dream, or having passed through their throats, "Kagirohigumi" and the "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau", who grasped the situation, immediately faced each other as if they were breathing. The "Red King" and the "Blue King" standing in front of each other also collided with each other's gazes.

But it did not lead to a confrontation.

It was a big problem for both sides to lose their tempers in the fog, but in this case, it was because there were people physically getting in the way between the two camps.

It was the Colt group sent from Nanakamado.

The tense tension lasted only a few seconds.

"Give up, don't."

"Ebisu no Kunizo" was the first to raise his voice and sit down.

Then the other people sat down one after another.

"I quit too."

"Oh, that's enough."

"Not worth it."

Some took off their characteristic coats before sitting down, others sat upright as if waiting for an intervention, and others went out into the open. All of them had lost their composure from the night before and have reverted to their original form, the bodyguards who run tricks on the outskirts of the city.

Among them, there was a person who was stunned.

The American who led them was Thomas Colt. The deep, wrinkled smile that still floated on his head gave him the impression that it was just that kind of shape, and he could tell at a glance that it was painful bravado.

Nazumi stepped away from the formation and stepped forward to speak.

"So, I'll take care of you here, ok?"

Colt was facing the day after tomorrow.

"Go ahead, as you wish. The losses due to the inability to counter the "King's" strength are within the assumptions of the plan. Nanakamado will switch to another option."

As he spoke fluently, he shrugged. His expression, particularly stern, was still distorted by the gloomy tone of his voice.

Nazumi guessed, but he didn't say anything and kept talking.

"Do you want me to send you back... to the commander who caused the disturbance, to the intelligence agency?"

"It would be troublesome if I, an American, were detained, right? Nanakamado is now politically cornered and has lost his composure... The "King" that they have been so afraid of for so long that they did not touch him..."

Colt looked at Unno.

"It's completely reckless, to the point of ramming him. On top of that, if they found out that I was also detained by the "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau", it would be a nuisance to everyone and they would pull a lot of desperate tricks."

Unno, who received the gaze from him, caught the gist of the indirect conversation.

Colt wasn't threatening to escape alone.

Rather the opposite...

Thinking about it, Unno took a step closer to the person he was impressed with.

"Even if you go home, you won't be fine, Colt-san."

"Still, I can't help but go home."

His fake smile was mixed with a touch of genuine emotion.

“If someone who faced the situation had to report it in detail and make an appeal… as expected, we shouldn't interfere with the "King". And, above all, the danger of that "Seventh King"."

Seeing how determined he was, Unno smiled at the other person with the same level of depth, but with genuine emotion. He puffed out his chest and said proudly.

"Yes, then do your best."

"Thank you."

Colt put on his dirty floppy hat and gave a little bow.

Nazumi let out a breath.

"I wish you wouldn't decide for the two of us."

Unno looked at the rude person.

"Are you saying that you are against it?"

"No, Nanakamado is more likely to listen to Colt-san's explanation than a warning from us, a hostile organization."

"Then don't be stupid and useless."

"No matter what you do, confirmation is necessary."

Among them, Colt, who had a wry smile on his face, began to walk slowly.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time."

He sent his repentance through his back.

"I return to Nanakamado because, as an American who has awakened to power, I have nowhere to go. Because I work as an intelligence agent there, I am exempt from being mobilized for a spy war against the communist bloc...all my actions are of self-protection."

However, Unno does not tolerate condescension.

He patted his back as he left with a sonorous voice.

"You have a life in front of you to regret or burn it, you can do what you want."

Colt stopped for a moment.

"......"

However, he walked out into the morning sun without looking back.

Lastly, he lightly waved his hand in embarrassment.

A MAN WHO WANTS TO BECOME A CROCODILE.

Oh.

I will become a crocodile.

My mother told me and my brothers.

Crocodiles usually hide in the dark and deep bottom of the water.

Shut up and do nothing.

When it goes down, it floats to the surface and eats things around it.

Anything you can get your hands on.

When it is full, it sinks back to the bottom of the water and sleeps.

Shut up and do nothing.

Don't piss me off

Do not hurt me.

When he gets angry, he rages at the bottom of the water and summons a storm.

They're all screwed.

Due to his tenacity, when he suffers, he goes after the person who hurt him.

From sea to land, anywhere.

Don't piss me off

Do not hurt me.

That's why everyone is afraid to get close.

So I'll turn into a crocodile.

Silently, do nothing, eat your fill.

Additional poem info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wani_(dragon)

[souurcitrus]

Earth-18104 - The Inner Circle

Talking about some of my OCs and one of the important groups of my original Marvel world, as I have wrote a lot about them in my time-line.

The Black Inner Circle is a group or coven created by Elsa Santiago in 1652. At first, Santiago was loyal to the ancient mutant Apocalypse and faithfully followed his teachings and ideals of mutant superiority, believing that mutants (or Enriched) should be above the humans, as they were the first to appear in the world.

The Circle is formed as a cult, all members are mutants, but there are still others such as werewolves and some individuals endowed with magic and special abilities. They are all trained by Santiago and educated in the "ways of Okkara", basically indoctrinated to erroneously follow the ideals of Apocalypse.

The Black Circle is divided between three parts:

• Pawns - the "lower" members do not have a very important role in the coven/clan and serve more as soldiers.

• The Pillars - the five Pillars, who arr mostly children chosen by Santiago for their powerful mutant abilities, as telepaths or carriers of dangerous mutations. They are known for being Santiago's true "children" and can give orders to the Pawns. They are all made immortal by Santiago using Apocalypse's powers.

• First Pillar - Deianeira, the first member of the coven, found by Santiago when she was a child. She is a telepath/empath, she can enter people's minds, but only through eye contact, which is why Elsa makes her wear a band over her eyes or glasses. She is the most loyal among her sisters and follows her mother's orders faithfully.

• Second Pillar - Initially the title belonged to Amélia Smith, a witch trained by Agatha Harkness and member of the Daughters of Liberty. After being expelled from the sisterhood for using black magic, Harkness took her to Santiago and Amélia gained the position, becoming very loyal to Santiago and equally obsessed with Apocalypse and Okkara.

Amélia had a daughter with a mutant, Theodosia Salazar, and tried to use her to gain more power. She died at the hands of her own daughter and her tittle was passed down.

After Amélia, Beatrice Carvalho, known as Lullaby, was chosen as Second Pillar for her ability to control minds with her voice, which sounds like a whisper, hence her codename. Additionally, she can also fly and has a supersonic scream.

She is the shyest among her sisters and the most humble, taking care of the youngest children in the coven.

• Third Pillar - Theodosia Salazar, daughter of the former Second Pillar, she is called Inferno by her sisters because of her power to control fire and suck thermal energy.

Theodosia is brutish and cruel, Santiago always tasks her with heavy work. She was a member of the Avengers and an ally of the X-Men for a time, and they called her Firestarter until they discovered her involvement with the Dark Circle.

• Fourth Pillar - At first Tereza Márquez, known as Sanguinária, was the Fourth Pillar against her will. Santiago has a deep obsession with Márquez because of her fire powers, which she inherited from her ancestor, Etana of Okkara, Apocalypse's right-hand woman.

Tereza is not loyal to the Inner Circle and left the group a long time ago, but Santiago still tries to bring her back.

Santiago had a son for the sole purpose of using his powers, created with the help of Lady Sinister in her laboratory. Despite having her own name, she called her son Praga and gave him the rank of Fourth Pillar.

He is not endowed with a powerful mutation beyond the manipulation of his cells, which allows him to change his physical form; however, he trained in magic and became Master of the Mystic Arts. Like Lullaby, he is quiet and seems to be the least willing to follow Santiago, as he fears her more than anyone else.

He was a member of the Avengers and trained in magic with Scarlet Witch, until the Darkhold incident.

• Fifth Pillar - Umbra does not have a name. She is a teleporter and can move through shadows, which is why she has no face and cannot be seen in the light as it hurts her. She is rarely seen, so Santiago uses her as a spy for his plans. She is the youngest of her siblings.

• The founders -

Elsa Santiago is at the top of the coven, she is called Mother by the members and chooses only those with strong and useful mutations for her. She is over 400 years old and was chosen as Death Knight by Apocalypse, until she betrayed him and sealed him in her sphinx.

Her mutation allows her to steal the abilities of others through consumption and blood. If she consumes a small amount, the mutation she stole will disappear within a few hours or minutes. But if she consumes more, the mutation will be hers completely.

Santiago is very selfish, manipulative and cruel even towards her children, whom she brought close after isolating them and offering them a false sense of belonging and security. She is obsessed with mutant superiority and anyone who is part of her coven she views as her own property.

Selene Essex, Lady Sinistra, is not an official member of the coven, but she and Santiago have been in partnership for many years, ever since Santiago gave Selene immortality. She often uses the lowest members of the coven as experiments, with the Mother's permission.

The Coven has existed for 300 years. They had relations with the Akkaba Clan and followed the same rules as them, however, with the fall of the Clan, the Inner Circle had to hide, having countless sanctuaries connected across the world. The Inner Circle's greatest goal is to bring world conquest to the mutants or bring about the Judgment Day promised by Apocalypse.

[realm-sweet-realm]

What cult tactic would each one use to gain followers. Joey Drew. The plague doctor. And I am William Afton.

Awesome question!

To be clear, I do not think any of this canonically happened, but all of them would make for a not-very-divergent AU.

For Joey Drew, it's obvious. It was the Great Depression. If he were to start a cult, he'd prey on the desperate, who would be abundant at the time.

Once he has them hired, the employees would be subject to many tactics that cults use: sleep deprivation, limited contact with outsiders, and dietary control. Joey canonically encouraged his employees to sleep at the studio and kept Henry from seeing Linda thanks to his heavy workload. Doing this intentionally, with a special emphasis on doing it to those who seem susceptible, along with encouraging his employees to live on a nutrient-deprived diet of bacon soup and vending machine snacks, isn’t that much of a stretch.

So, now your target population is isolated from the outside world, most of their friendships and even relationships being from within the studio. They don't have any of their own time to seek meaning. They're dependent on you for a paycheck during a time when jobs were hard to come by. And they're tired and dazed. It's the perfect time to start bringing a... spiritual element into work. He'd start having mandatory sermons about demon worship and creativity and Bendy, making their labour out to be noble and the studio's creations to be above all else. He'd plaster such messages everywhere in the studio, in every poster and memo. Sure, to some, they're just being dragged to church, but others would fall for it, and Joey would know the difference.

Joey would collect an inner circle of loyal people to do his bidding. If he wants someone specific, he can always spike their coffee with ink. A part of their servitude would be getting sacrifices and participating in rituals, or being sacrificed into ink creatures themselves, but so too would be creating a culture of obedience and fear in the studio, such that not even the most skeptical speaks against the cult.

The Plague Doctor also has a desperate demographic he could exploit: the terminally ill and their loved ones. He could use his followers as proxies to recruit people straight from hospital waiting rooms. In extreme cases, they would kidnap people from hospital beds and bring them to the doctor for supernatural healing in exchange for a period of servitude.

He wouldn't have to explain the zombies, or what "the pestilence" is. His followers would follow him because it's in exchange for life-prolonging treatment. Leave the cult, and you quickly get sick and die.

Most would not believe him, but some would be convinced that a healer so powerful must know what he's talking about when it comes to the pestilence. These would be his inner circle and would clamp down on the disobedient by dragging them to Doc for zombification.

William Afton would take a different approach. As a pillar of his community and a social butterfly, he interacts with all sorts of people, and he's keenly tuned to people who are a lot like him. Scared. Guilty. Filled with terrible urges to commit violent acts. Wanting a way to sate their desires and quell their negative feelings. William would find said people, often at churches or parties, recruit them with the promise of immortality, interactions with others like them, and a goal that allows them to sate their bloodlust. He would hire these people, train them, and elevate them to leadership roles in his company. He would also get on the good side of powerful people such as Hurricane’s mayor so he could have others look the other way on his crimes.

While William would only recruit a small number of people, he would also have his company at his beck and call. They don't know why they're being asked to design the things William asks them to, and the most obviously evil parts of the job are left to the higher-ups.

The cult continued after William's death. They created Glitchtrap so he'd live on in some form, not realizing that William's obsession with immortality was less about avoiding nonexistence and more about not wanting to experience a punishing afterlife. They're still recruiting new members, researching remnant, and concocting new ways to wreak havoc.

[amberablerambles]

🌸It's that time of month!

April is the month of SAAM, SA awareness month. A month pretty important to me because of many reasons I will go over and even how you can hopefully try to prevent it & how you can help a family member or loved one.. So that being said-

tw: Mentions of SA, Forced Incest (unfortunately I'm not joking), Pedophilia, unwanted sexual advances, Stalking.

🌸And a reminder, I am heavily against this shit. I am a victim of all that's listed above ever since age 6. It's been years since my last encounter, so either you can believe me or not, genuinely I don't have much to prove. This is my experience and wanting to put my hand out there and let others know they're not alone.

🌸I have been SAed since I was 6, all through elementary school by three family members. By 2 male cousins (I got lucky I wasn't penetrated), and by my sibling who obviously lived in the same house. In the same room as I was.

🌸They were also kids, does this excuse this however? No. No it does not. Because with each and every instance of each, I was told to not say a word. To pray our sins away.

🌸Also in elementary, even through middle school, apps like Kik- Google plus- anywhere you could chat with a strange was becoming more and more of the norm. I was a child with unlimited internet access and I was preyed upon a lot- even when I was 15.

🌸A lot of people might not know that I have had a romantic relationship with a mun of a Bendy roleplay account- which got rightfully called out on the behavior but of course I was a kid and still was conditioned to think everything was alright.

🌸Then it was a person who was into the same fandoms as me, a 25 year old man. Dating a 15 year old (that being me). Did he get caught? Hell no- and he's even had HISTORY of dating younger teens, because he was still friends with his Ex who was also 15. Who made me, an at the time 15 year old, send n-des. Who sent d-ck picks back and moaning out my preferred name which still fucking haunts me to this day.

🌸People who had no business preying on teens, on children. And Unfortunately when I was in these situations, especially when younger, the world was still figuring out how the hell to protect children like me from predators.

🌸 From them sending us suggestive pictures. Doing suggestive roleplays- it's so terrifying and horrible to remember, and that's why even now I strive to keep my friends who are two, three years younger than me safe. To keep my little cousins safe- because holy shit-

🌸I don't want them to go through what I did.

🌸Of course there were also advances from people like Letecus (woah, name drop), who has sent minors NSFW pictures after claiming to not be a p-dophile.

🌸Unwanted and Sexual advances by Jamie, a person who I thought was a friend that turned out to be a twisted person- and one who was infatuated by me and even when they had partners still decided to try to hit on me

🌸To make me roleplay with them- so desperate to have me for God knows what. And then proceeding to stalk me even when they hit adulthood. Literally a few months ago they tried to add me on discord- and honestly I'm still fucking terrified that they're still stalking my accounts!

🌸I unfortunately have to point out that at a young age this has severely fucked me up: I have trust issues, either I can be very hypersexual or absolutely dreading the thought of even being touched. The mental effects that this shit has on people isn't a joke- it's not even funny to joke about, to write about.

🌸the hots and colds of it all still hasn't left me.

🌸But, how can you help yourself or others when these situations are arising? Oftentimes, the person facing these challenges can have a difficult time reaching out- possibly even finding people to help them.

🌸My best advice is to try to get in contact with authorities, anybody you know that's in your inner circle- if you're the one helping the one being in these situations, you must step up if the authorities won't do anything.

🌸I unfortunately don't know anything about the legal grounds with court hearings, as I never had the funds and was too young to even do much about it, my parents and grandparents never knew. I wish they did but what's done is done.

🌸I only hope that, to anybody reading who could know someone/is in this situation, or wanting to prevent it- will use this as a warning. About how people may act. The possible signs. And who to reach out to if possible.

🌸 Remember to stay safe please- especially nowadays.