#after I write the home front fic
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for the most part I actually donât see Harry and Draco as being the get married types or at least not the have a wedding types but itâs also fun to just. Have them do it anyway. Weddings are fun and fun to write and read about!
#I wrote a wedding fic once and I kept getting stuck because#I find it rlly hard to imagine Harry having a wedding and not eloping#I feel like he would find getting married in front of his friends to be like tooo embarrassing for words#In my wedding fic they actually have already eloped#Before the fic begins#And Draco tells Harry that he wants to do something beautiful about it and Harry is like okay bet đ©·#I am probably projecting a bit because before I got married I thought it was weird that the convention is to do it in front of everyone#It still does seem like the P-est of pda#Or perhaps the D-est#I cannot vibe with Harry changing his name (in whole or in part) to Malfoy#I feel like Draco barely wants to be a Malfoy himself like it stands for something rotten#I mean I can ALSO see Draco being like well by hook or by crook Iâm going to right this ship#And make the name Malfoy one to be proud of đ
đ»#That makes a lot of sense too#It just doesnât tend to be my personal Draco ya feel?#I also cannot vibe with Draco being on super chummy terms with his parents#I almost always kill Lucius off#Once I had them both disown him#Sometimes itâs just Narcissa who disowns him bc Lucius is dead#Once I had Draco run away from home after a frightening confrontation with his mother#Once I killed off Narcissa and had Lucius in Azkaban (I donât like that bc Azkaban shouldnât exist!!!)#In my wedding fic the story is actually about like. Making your family#So Draco has been semi estranged from his mother and is trying to re-establish friendly contact#So he tells her he got married and sheâs pretty pissed he didnât tell her because itâs embarrassing to be left out of his life#Listen sometimes your parents love you enough to risk their lives for you#But still donât love you enough to accept you for who you are#Those things are not mutually exclusive and I wish we saw more nuance around their relationship#Maybe I should write a fic where Lucius is alive and Draco is trying to be on friendly terms with him#But I think Dracoâs bad feelings about Lucius would have started before the war and be grounded in broader things#Just like how Harryâs trauma starts before the war
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the tiger and his milk! đŻ
in this world, a certain tiger hybrid male keeps a keen eye on a cow hybrid female next door...
warnings; female reader, inaccurate?omegaverse, lactation without pregnancy, animal-human hybrid AU (but theyre more human than animal tbh just imagine them with ears and a tail), heat and rut, breeding, alcohol as aphrodisiac, bullying of the cervix, tit sucking, nipple teasing, biting, dry humping, overstimulation, sexual frustration, neighbours-with-benefits, knotting, f!masturbation, lots of cum, this is straight up just a hxntai oop
word count; 6.5k
dividers by @/saradika-graphics and @/thecutestgrotto
do NOT expect a serious and well-paced writing from this one, i was horny and the end result is just.... this. sorry not sorry, I AM WARNING YALL; this is one degenerate ass fic also forgive me for any inaccuracies in any of the tropes i used, i just cherry picked the parts i wanted and mixed it all together so...
moving to this new neighborhood hasn't been all too easy for you.
being a little low on money aside, there's a certain rambunctious neighbour who won't leave you alone. he playfully terrorises you with threats to eat you up, and makes comments that all go straight to your head, making you feel weak and flustered, leading you to cower beneath him. though you should firmly tell him to cut it out, you struggle to do this when youâre dealing with someone who could be a natural predator of yours, had you been an actual sow and not a hybrid.Â
that, and also-
strangely, there's a part of you that doesn't despise the way he treats you. in fact, when you see his large, brutish hands and the veins that run up his arms, you feel yourself squeezing your thighs together. you brush it off as it being a result of your apparent loneliness and sexual frustration. there's nothing good that'd come out from being with such a discourteous man.
setting that aside... there are numerous other problems that you've been having to deal with, recently.
your breasts have been collecting milk faster, and much more than usual, recently.
even for cow hybrids, milk should only be produced when the female is pregnant, and for only a year or two at most after giving birth. for some unknown reason, you produce it all year round, even without needing to have children. doctor after doctor you've visited, and all they've told you is that you're a strange anomaly. there is nothing you can do about it except extract it every now and then, to relieve the pain and swelling.
tonight, that is what you're planning on busying yourself with, once you get home from your shitty office job.
walking towards your porch with a deep sigh, you hear a deep voice call out to you.
"bad day at work, dollface?" your terrible neighbour-- sukuna, he's called, asks you with a cigarette in his hand dressed in jeans and a black tanktop. his tail swishes playfully behind him.
dollface. one of the few nicknames he uses condescendingly to refer to you. it's either dollface, doll, or sweetheart, and you don't recall ever hearing him actually use your name.
"um, work was alright... thank you for asking. have a good evening."
you like to make things short and stop any further conversation from happening, even though it might come off as a little awkward. one of sukuna's ears flick at your dry response, but he doesn't seem to bother you any further as you hurriedly unlock your front door and head inside.
sukuna drops his cigarette bud on the ground, and puts out the flame by stepping on it. you're not very sociable, as per usual...
but your sweet, passing scent makes for a little growl to rise in the back of his throat. sweet milk. that's what you always smell like. how curious. how tempting.
once you're home, you immediately grab your breastmilk pump that sits beside your sink. it hasn't been too long since you last cleaned it. you unhook your bra, and grimace at the wet stains on it, from leaking bit by bit throughout the day.
you press the pump up against one of your breasts and press the on button. it starts doing it's job. you sigh from relief, and watch as it fills up quite quickly. you wonder what you should do with all of it...
you stop the pump to empty it out into a glass bottle. it's a tedious process. sometimes... sometimes you wish you had a partner who could help you with it. sometimes, you wish someone would latch their mouth on and extract you directly-
what if he-- sukuna- did that for you? forcefully held you down and-
your eyes widen and your tail droops with shock at your own intrusive thoughts. heavens, no! you need to get yourself a partner. it's been too long. you hope you're not heading into heat already? it's not time for that yet, at least not according to your usual cycle. shaking your head as you extract the remnants of the milk from your breasts, you finish up quickly.
at least tomorrow, it will be saturday.
you'd forgotten about how overgrown the grass in your front yard had gotten. so, even though it's a saturday, and despite how you'd love to stay inside with all the curtains shut and doors locked tight... an unpleasant duty calls outside.
but despite the meticulous preparation of lathering enough sunscreen over yourself in protection against the sun's rays - the lawn mower suddenly doesn't want to heed to your calling.
your face scrunches up into a frown. darn thing.
the useless machine splutters and makes an obnoxious noise only in the beginning before giving out, no matter how many times you try to rev it back up again.
"goddamn it. you stupid thing," you mutter under your breath, crouching down to inspect it.
"need help?"
sukuna leans against the fence that is shorter than his own height, watching you with amusement. he'd been observing you for quite a few minutes by now.
"no thank you. i'm quite alright..." you respond without turning back. you know damn well whose voice that belongs to.
but does he listen? of course not! you hear the noise of the man easily bypassing the fence by elegantly hopping over it, before walking over towards you. how funny, even the fence fails to serve it's purpose in this moment.
"like that's believable. you think verbally degrading it will make it work?" sukuna snorts, coming around and shooing you away from the lawn mower.
he gives it a nice big rev, but not much happens. you smile slightly, wondering if he was going to make a fool of himself, after all that big attitude.
sukuna brings his foot against the side of the machine and gives it a hard kick. the sound startles you.
and now it's starting up nicely, and beginning to do it's job.
the man begins to mow your lawn for you, without another word. you stand around, not knowing what to do... your ears flicker as you stare at him doing your job for you. it feels odd. what is he up to?
well... no matter the hidden motive, it's true that he's doing you a huge favour. perhaps you should at least make a cold beverage for him, once he finishes with your yard. after observing him for a while, you head back inside to search for what would serve as an appropriate iced drink.
by the time you've stepped back outside, the yard is cut neatly and sukuna is in the midst of returning your lawn mower to your garage.
you silently hand him over his drink, and he takes it with a smirk.
"it's gone..." he suddenly comments.
"what's gone?" you question, with a raised eyebrow.
"that sweet smell that always surrounds you."
he proceeds to down his drink very quickly, not breaking eye contact with you. then, he starts chewing on the ice, tail swishing mischievously behind him.
"i... don't know what you mean." you cross your arms.
"hmm. playing dumb, i see. that's fine, i suppose."
you stand awkwardly with him in silence, simply listening to him crunching away on the ice. the heat from the sunlight gets more and more unbearable.
"if you're done with your drink... i think i'll start heading back inside now. thank you for your help today," you tell him politely, carefully taking your cup back from his hands.
he makes it seem like he's handing it over to you obediently, but then he tightens his grip against it when you're holding onto the glass, making you stare up at him in confusion. he pulls it back, so that you stumble closer to him.
"just letting you know. if you need any help, you can always ask me."
you're a bit nervous, but you try not to show it. does he know something? how much does he know? you feel your tail cowardly fall in between your legs. sukuna's ears give a light flick, but you don't know what that means.
"...we're neighbours, after all."
you look at him with distrust, holding onto your cup tighter. your gaze is unwavering as you meet his eyes.
"sure. i'll keep that in mind," you respond slowly.
seemingly satisfied, he lets go of your glass.
"thanks for the drink. see you."
it's a short backhanded wave he gives you, before he hops over the fence again. you narrow your eyes. just what kind of fence is this useless? can't even keep away one bad, bad man. you're not sure how much he's caught onto, but you sure hope he stops being interested in you with enough time. he easily sends odd tingles down your spine, and you don't like that one bit.
not at all...
the working part of an office job isn't actually that bad.
it's the people involved around you that makes it a living hell. nothing gets your blood pressure higher than your collusive colleagues and snobby superiors - especially the lazy ones who do everything to shove their workload onto other people.
such people are yet also, annoyingly obsessed with get-togethers and teamwork, which makes you laugh.
today is such an unlucky day, that you've been dragged off to an after-work gathering at some cheap restaurant with your shitty coworkers, all because one of them decided that they needed one.
nothing like being surrounded by a bunch of people that you hate, on a wednesday evening. you have to put on a fake smile, and remain the passive, agreeable coworker in this environment. they coerce you to drink more alcohol. you want to decline, but you feel as though you'll ruin the mood if you turn them down. you down a few pints of beer.
you can feel your breasts leaking again.
just let me go home, you think to yourself, for the fifth time in a row.
your wish is only granted after an hour or two later. you're still sober, maybe a little tipsy, seeing as you can feel the heat in your face from the alcohol. your body is probably not taking it very well today.
the first thing you do when you get home is washing your hands and settling down with your little trusty pump. when you undo your bra, you sigh in relief as your chest feels free. and also...
it's probably the alcohol acting as an aphrodisiac - you're a bit more sensitive tonight. you caress the swell of your breast and groan, your horniness overriding how tired you are. your other hand wanders down your panties, and your ears droop down.
you purse your lips together and let your fingers work against your clit for an orgasm that you know will be unsatisfactory, but you chase after such pleasure regardless. your breaths quicken, and you tilt your head back, closing your eyes. nearly there...
just when you were about to reach your first high of the night, a firm knock is heard from your door. just your luck. a ruined orgasm.
who can it be, at this time of the evening? you throw on a cardigan that just barely covers you up, and boldly stomp towards the door, irritated. you could give this person just about any piece of your mind.
but when you open the door, you're met with your most cunning and bothersome of a neighbour, sukuna. maybe it's because you're hornier than ever right now - you feel as though he looks even...hotter, tonight. his scent makes you dizzy.
sukuna had come by because he needed an ingredient for his dinner.
he wasn't expecting to be met with the eye candy that is your slightly disheveled self, with one hand keeping your loose cardigan together, while you're very obviously braless, judging by your nipples jutting out against the fabric. that, and the thick smell of your arousal that hit him right when the door had opened.
"wh-what do you want?" you ask, a little breathless, trying to keep it together.
sukuna looks down at you, trying to keep himself calm. this seems amusing. he doesn't think he'll be able to stop himself from tenting his pants soon, if he stays around you longer...
"you look like you were busy with something... sorry to interrupt," he voices slyly, his fangs showing when he smiles.
"just... get on with it, please," you frown, your legs squeezing together. you can never tell what he's thinking - whether he knows everything or if he's pretending to know everything.
"nothing much, just ran out of salt at home. could i get some of yours?" sukuna shrugs innocently, holding up his empty salt jar.
"hold on a second."
you turn around to button your cardigan up with a sigh of annoyance, and you tell him to come in while you grab your salt from the kitchen.
once sukuna steps inside, he observes a million details at once. the very first thing he sees is your little pump that you'd forgotten to put away there. there's no way that puny thing is enough for you, is it?
in your kitchen, you grab your jar of salt, and attempt to open the thing - but your arms feel like jelly at the moment. you grit your teeth and try harder, cursing at yourself for shutting it so tight the last time you used it. you begin to strain your arms further. sukuna marvels at this excellent opportunity he is granted.
your feelings of irritation are whisked away when a pair of hands gently land on top of yours, against the jar. his fingertips reach the lid through the gaps between your own fingers. you feel the bigger man's body warmth, when he comes around from behind. it makes you feel so weak. your tail is hanging off to the side, raised high.
sukuna applies a bit of pressure, and the jar comes off easily. you note how warm his large hands feel.
"i came here for the salt, but now i'm thinking maybe i won't need it anymore..." he whispers down at you. your ears can't help but flicker from his voice.
"what... do you mean by that?" you ask, not knowing what to think.
he guides your hands to put the salt down on the counter. and then his body presses up against yours a little harder. you can feel his growing boner against your behind, and you feel lightheaded. sukuna peers down longingly at the exposed side of your neck.
your pheromones mix with his, and his fluffy tail curls around your leg, almost possessively. sukuna's hands are still holding onto yours, and you feel your breaths get more laboured by the tension.
"i promised to lend my help, didn't i? c'mon..." he coaxes, speaking closely so that his breath grazes against the skin of your neck.
you feel yourself starting to sweat a little more - his body heat is just too much. your chest is uncomfortably full, and the thought of someone sucking on your sensitive nipples is enough for you to finally cave in, and play the fool for the night.
you break free from his grasp for a moment, and hesitatingly point to your couch.
"...sit. it's probably easier on the couch," you tell him, not looking his way. and now you're even shoving him towards it, impatiently.
"my, how demanding," he comments teasingly. he knows you purposefully broke the tension - to prevent him from taking the lead. but he obediently takes a seat on your couch. following that, you awkwardly mount him and sit on his lap.
sukuna watches with a softer smirk as you unbutton yourself again, revealing your leaky breasts with a flustered look on your face. sukuna's hit with that familiar sweet scent that's always been floating around you all this time - but now, it's right in front of him, in full force. it makes his mouth water. he was right about you lactating.
"....go ahead," you tell him shamelessly, yet still sorely embarrassed, cheeks feeling so warm that you're concerned you might pass out. "just be gentle," you warn him, looking at him with a little hesitation and pursed lips.
sukuna feels his cock twitch against you, and he wonders if you can feel it too, from the way you're sitting right on it. his own face feels quite flushed - any man would be the same if they were in his position. such a pretty thing in his lap, willingly undoing her buttons for him. he's never seen tits more beautiful than yours.
"hurry-" you breathe out, impatient, and moreover, shy from the way he's shamelessly admiring your face and chest with a dumb smirk plastered on his face.
not even a millisecond after you say it, he puts his searing hot mouth around one of your nipples. your brain ceases to function as a zap runs through your body, and you whine without meaning to, your back arching. though you grab at his shoulder, your other hand claps over your own mouth to muffle your moans.
the suction of his mouth does wonders for pleasure, nothing like the dull feeling that your mechanic pump gives. you hear his throaty growls as he sucks on your nipple, getting a mouthful of the taste of your sweet milk. you shudder on top of him, becoming pliant with his touch.
sukuna bathes in your warmth and the softness of your breasts, enjoying how he is able to breathe in your scent from this close. your milk isn't like anything he's ever had before. not too sweet and yet not bland - a taste that is unique to you...
his other hand squeezes your other nipple, making sure it isn't too lonely from his touch. you jerk your hips against him, whole body twitching from the pleasure, the joy of having your tits milked by someone else rather than yourself. you can't hold your moans back any longer.
"fuck... oh please..." you mumble, feeling your breast being drained of it's milk.
he stops sucking for a moment, and you see the beautiful but subtle blush on his cheeks, as he looks up at you like he's intoxicated. he lets his tongue out and flicks it up and down your erect nipple, rolling it around the areola. it makes you whimper and tremble in his lap.
"don't... tease me..." you say through gritted teeth, frowning at him while he merely chuckles at your reaction.
sukuna attaches his mouth to your other breast, as it's leaking so much - as if to beg him to drain it next.
your cunt is pulsing so bad, and you feel yourself drenching your panties already. you subconsciously grind down against him and his obvious boner, trying to relieve yourself, desperate to reach a proper orgasm this time. both of you are in a lusty haze, unconcentrated eyes, you're lost in pleasure and he's lost in the taste of you, your breast milk dripping down his chin as he messily gulps down with greed.
sukuna also bucks his hips up against you, cock straining in his pants - god, he's so hard that it hurts. when was the last time he's felt such a way? he breathlessly sucks and slurps everything out of you, feeling the milk pass down his throat and into his stomach. he could drink this shit forever.
he wants to cum. he's gonna fucking cum. into his pants no less, like a damn virgin. with the way you're rolling your hips around and grinding down on him like a whore, its only a matter of time.
"haah... sukuna... more- do it more," you plead, relishing in the pleasure of having your tits taken care of, while you get yourself off on his very obvious erection - rubbing your clothed cunt against him. it feels so good on your sensitive clit, you're gonna lose your damn mind.
sukuna doesn't pry his lips away from your nipple, but his hands come off your breasts - you feel his arms wrap around your waist instead, holding you down against him tightly, guiding your hips and helping himself dry hump you harder while his face is still all up in your tits.
your breathing quickens even further, and you grab fistfuls of his shirt on his back, shutting your eyes in anticipation-- before letting your orgasm crash over you completely. you gasp as your clit throbs intensely, and you feel slick leaking all over in your panties as you ride your climax out against sukuna's hard cock, shuddering as you do so.
sukuna groans with his mouth still on your breast, his orgasm coming a little later than yours, dick twitching as rope after rope of his cum soils his boxers, hips bucking up into you without control - it feels so restricted in his shorts, and he desperately wants to take it out. his lips finally leave your swollen nipple with a little pop sound. his large hands come to grope the soft flesh as he comes off his high, a dull throb ringing in his cock, one orgasm being far from enough.
"look at you, rubbing your cunt all over my cock to get yourself off, like a proper slut. aren't you a little too eager?" he teases breathlessly, with a weak smirk on his face.
"you're the one... that came onto me so strongly..." you pant, drunk from the waves of pleasure you just received, and from the endless twitching of sukuna's giant cock... he's still hard.
"just admit that you're perverted. arguably, even worse than what i am," sukuna mocks, pinching at your nipples, making you wince.
"shut up, you."
in the spur of the moment, you lift your hips up slightly to shove your hand down his pants to take his dick out due to irritation. sukuna gives the slightest flinch from the sensation of your hand, grabbing onto his now bare erection.
you begin to fiercely jerk him off with a frown on your face, wanting to punish him for his comments a few seconds ago, knowing he's still sensitive from his recent orgasm.
"fuck-! what're you-" he cuts his own voice off with a choked off gasp due to the tight grip of your hand against his twitching cock. he's back to bucking his hips again as you pump up and down with both hands, his dick already being lathered with his own cum making it easier for you. the noises that come out of him almost fills you with pride - and also surprise. you'd never thought that someone like him would ever moan in this way... you jerk him off faster, and a little harder, being fixated on his pretty looking cock that keeps jumping in your hands.
"shit! that's- enough-" sukuna gasps again, chest heaving and whole body jerking, but oddly, not attempting to stop you at all.
you watch in awe, as his cock spurts out several strings of white cum once again, his head tilted back with deep groans, dick pulsing - your hands keep away from it for the first few seconds just to observe, but then you help to milk it dry, grabbing his base and slowly stroking up and down. he shudders from your touch, and the sight of him being so sorely sensitive makes you feel your heartbeat in your pussy again.
he really does cum a shit ton. it goes for what seems to be like ages, never ending pulses of his cock and rope after rope tainting your hands, and his own stomach. the way he shivers before you, how captivating his groans sound, it all makes you want to do it all over again.
you slowly rub his tip against your palm, playing with his dick as if it were a toy - but this time, he grabs your wrist to stop you.
"enough..." he says with a low voice - and the look that he gives you sends a shiver down your spine.
he's beginning to smell a bit different. its not like before. and it's getting thicker by the second...
"ah, fuck.... i'm in rut," sukuna admits with a scowl, and a flushed face.
the realisation hits you like a truck.
"look at what you've done," sukuna growls as he grabs your hips and pushes you closer towards him, his cock impossibly harder. he's breathing heavily, and you see the precum that's gathering on his tip. he won't be able to hold himself back much longer, and you know it.
and curse the omega in you - you're unable to resist him, and you can feel yourself syncing with his rut, a strange swoop occurring in your stomach. his strong pheromones make you lightheaded and feverish, instigating your submissive side as you become obedient - sitting on his lap with an eager shine in your eyes, breathing heavy from his strong scent and your desire to be dominated.
you want to have your brains fucked out. you can't take it anymore.
as if reading your mind, sukuna lunges forward and practically throws you onto your back on your couch - you let out a yelp and watch as he pulls your shorts and panties down and casts them aside, stripping you completely. you feel so vulnerable, but his intense strength and desperation is only adding to your arousal.
he pushes your knees up and rubs his cock up against your clit, and puckering hole.
"look at all this slick. you want me that bad huh?" sukuna remarks darkly, sweat gathering on his temples.
you grit your teeth, fighting the urge to give him a meek response - having the strange desire to provoke and set him off until the end.
"you're the desperate one here..." you tell him breathlessly, sensing how his dick is practically begging to be inside you, with the way it twitches on your cunt.
your blood runs cold for a second, when you see the way he looks down at you, with a vein popping out on his forehead.
"...maybe i am," he relents, with a low voice, grabbing your face.
and then he leans down to shove his lips against yours, while thrusting his cock into you at the same time.
you whimper into the kiss as his tip hits your womb like nothing. you'd ignored how massive he was at the start, but now it's impossible to brush off.
"t-too big..." you mumble when he breaks away from your lips.
sukuna groans as he drags his cock in and out of your sopping cunt, practically holding him in an iron grip from the suction. your endless amount of slick coats his dick with plenty of lubricant to fuck you more easily.
"you can take it, doll. i'll make you take it..."
his eyes dilate as he begins to piston his hips at a fast but uneven pace, groaning shamelessly as his cock ravishes your pussy by hitting all the right places, heavy balls smacking against your ass with every thrust. the pleasure runs through your veins like electricity, and you feel high off the feeling of someone so big and strong using you like you were his fleshlight - to relieve his rut.
you can barely breathe from the way he pounds you, relentlessly pushing you to the limit, tears forming in your eyes and high pitched moans coming from your throat.
"ohh-! sukuna... oh, please please please..." you plead, almost sobbing.
he responds by leaning down to lather his tongue against your scent glands, sucking on them and rest of the skin on your neck. you shudder and let out another set of whimpers - and sukuna's fangs feel antsy, wanting to sink them into your flesh.
sukuna aims for the sweetness from your breasts, to distract himself. you cry out as he roughly latches onto your nipple and begins to suck as he squeezes your soft flesh. his cock feels like it's about to burst.
when he stimulates your nipples a certain way and his tip grazes your g-spot at the same time, you're hit with an orgasm that makes you squeal and has your cunt fluttering uncontrollably.
his dick gives in to the sudden milkings of your pussy and sukuna pushes his hips to settle himself into you as deep as he can - giving a choked off groan from the sudden climax as his cock swells up inside of you, anchoring itself.
the knowledge of him knotting you doesn't seem to matter as you enjoy the feeling of the warm gush of his cum pouring into your womb, his balls clenching with every rope that spurts out, messily coating your walls with white.
sukuna pants so heavily above you, abs flexing as he continues to orgasm in your warm cunt that still has a dull pulse from your previous climax. he nuzzles into the crook of your neck with a soft growl, and you wrap your arms around his shoulders.
your breathing relaxes as you lay still on the couch while sukuna weighs you down and breeds you properly, consequences be damned. you could try and fight him off, but it's been so long since you've been so sexually satisfied that your logical thinking has turned itself off. all you want to do is enjoy bathing in the pheromones of your alpha and let the heaviness of his large body drape over yours as he pumps you full of his babies.
sukuna is usually very careful about who he's around when he's in a rut - and he's always made sure either he or his partner had some sort of protection on before doing anything. he wouldn't want to go around having kids with the wrong people. it's hard to say whether you're wrong or right for him - he doesn't know much about you to judge yet...
but you make him feel so right.
and he's still fighting off the urge to mark you to make you officially his, with drool beginning to run down his chin. his fangs are making it unbearable; he needs to bite something right now.
"you look restless..." you tell him, getting him to tear his gaze away from your neck, to your face instead.
you pull him in for a messy kiss, slipping your tongue into his mouth. he feels the way you brush over his fangs, paying extra attention to them as you make out with him, and it makes him groan. you must have done this with someone else before. sukuna nips at your tongue and lower lip, doing his best not to break skin - trying to relieve himself of the urge to bite.
the swell of his knot is gradually subsiding, but you know that the night is far from over.
"which way to your bedroom?" sukuna asks after breaking away from your kiss, breathlessly.
"farthest down the corridor, past the kitchen.." you respond, feeling a little needy after he abruptly stopped the kiss like that.
"hold onto me."
he lifts you up easily with his arms, and you wrap your legs around his waist, arms over his shoulders. the display of strength makes your heartbeat quicken.
when you're laid upon the soft mattress of your bed, his lips come crashing down again - while his hips begin to give shallow thrusts, cock still hard and throbbing. sukuna kisses you like he's a man starved, and you feel as though he might actually swallow you up at this rate.
the strong grip on your hips tighten as his pace gets rougher. you have to break away to gasp and moan. every time he jostles your body, you feel his previous heavy load sloshing inside you, and it's getting too much. sukuna doesn't look like he's even entirely here, hips moving mindlessly and drool dripping down his chin - it's a terrifyingly arousing sight.
he tries to come down and kiss you again, but you have to push his face away - you're so out of breath that you're afraid you might pass out if he does that again. it's overwhelming, how his thick cock bullies itself against your walls over and over again.
sukuna doesn't seem too pleased that you're pushing him away; he holds you tighter and he adjusts his hips to fuck you deeper. you mewl loudly, but keep your hand weakly against his face - he doesn't force it away, but lets his tongue droop out, caressing your fingers with it. you feel him bite and suck on your hand as his sharp thrusts produce small bulges in your stomach.
you witness his eyes dilating again, and you swear you see hearts in them this time, your fingers still in his mouth.
his dick feels so, so good in your pussy. your intoxicating smell now surrounds him after coming into your bedroom, and it's driving him insane. he grunts above you, balls feeling heavy, dick pulsing as his tip finds its way knocking on your cervix. there's a thick ring of cream foaming on the base of his cock now, a mixed concoction of both his cum and your slick.
his thrusting gets sloppy and his hips stutter, meaning that he's going to orgasm again. sukuna's eyes roll back, as he messily "kisses" your hand, pushing himself balls deep into you at the final moment.
you arch your back at the sensation of his knot swelling up once again, cumming at this moment. sukuna almost topples over from the tightness, as the walls of your cunt flutter around his knot, effectively squeezing everything out of him.
"f-fu-uuck..." he drones, his voice dragging the curse word out.
you feel him dumping every drop into your poor womb, emptying his balls. you're afraid that you'll get addicted to this "full" feeling, the warmth of his seed filling you up, the way your insides can feel his cock twitch violently with every thick string of cum he shoots out. you never imagined being held down and inseminated would feel this good.
sukuna's eyes are half-lidded, pleasure continuing to run up and down his spine. he pins your wrist down against the bed suddenly, and latches his mouth to one of your breasts - beginning to suck immediately, like he's trying to rehydrate himself with your milk. you shudder. it seems as though he's doing nothing but take, take, and take from your body... not that you'll stop him from doing so.
you run your fingers through his soft hair, catching your breath, slightly trembling each time he sucks a little too hard. shortly after he is seemingly content, he completely collapses his body over yours, face all up in your breasts, purring while his knot still sits inside of you.
you sense that it's only the beginning of a long, long night.
once the sun has rolled into the sky, you finally remember the fact that the weekdays haven't finished yet - and that you're supposed to be getting ready for work right now.
problem is, there's a certain someone clinging to your whole body from behind, still purring against the nape of your neck with a hand lazily groping the flesh of your tit. you can feel his fluffy tail curling around yours, possessively. you're sleepy, and his stupid purring keeps coaxing you to take a nap. he's a lot more docile and softhearted than you imagined. you supposed he'd be out of your house by now.
you reach out and feel around to grab your phone, to give your workplace a call to take the day off. while you're on the phone, sukuna places soft kisses down your back. you hope your boss can't hear the excessive vibration in the background. once you're done with that, you shove your phone under your pillow.
"i need a nap... you can use my shower, or go home, whichever you prefer," you tell him sleepily, shutting your eyes.
"is sleeping next to you also an option?" he asks from behind you, snuggling up closer.
"mm," you reply mindlessly, already dozing off. he slips his arm under your head. admittedly, his arm pillow does feel comfortable.
when you next wake up in a few hours time, you don't know what to feel when you notice that he's still next to you in bed.
"finally awake?"
"yeah... i'm surprised you haven't left," you mumble, following that with a yawn.
"i'm surprised you're not chasing me out," he shoots back.
"what would be the point? i'll see you again the moment i step outside the house."
"i bet you love that. being able to see me all the time," sukuna teases, twirling a strand of your hair with his finger.
"ugh, think what you will," you roll your eyes, trying not to be flustered.
you suddenly realise how thirsty and hungry you are.
"i'm starving... i don't remember what's in the fridge," you mumble to yourself.
"hop in the shower with me and i'll take care of all your meals today," he offers, smirking.
you don't really trust his intentions - especially something as intimate as showering together - but you are famished, and you don't think you will be bothered to cook at all today.
"what meals are we thinking?" you ask, curious.
"hm. well, how about steak?"
"... is that a threat?"
sukuna bursts into laughter.
he informs you that the salt he had originally wanted from you was supposed to be for the steak he was cooking last night. who knew that he'd be having a different kind of steak that evening? you look unamused as he makes the joke between chuckles.
unsurprisingly, you do end up in the shower with him, and again, unsurprisingly, he does pay extra attention to soaping up your tits in particular, and making out with you a little here and there. but as promised, you are rewarded with possibly the best meals you've ever had since you moved to this neighbourhood.
after a bit of conversation, turns out the man is a freelance chef, which is something you would've never guessed. from first glance, he seemed like he could've been part of some gang or a shady underground business.
when you sheepishly apologise for misjudging him based on his looks, sukuna laughs once again, and tells you that he'll forgive you if you let him continue to "help you out" from here onwards...
the rest is in dot points bc im lazy!
originally, i had wanted to make this a bit more toxic but i turned it more wholesome bc i felt like ive already posted toxic stuff before this so haha...
btw you do a few pregnancy checks while sukuna is still there after that night, and it turns out negative. it's a big sigh of relief for you and while it should be the case for sukuna too, since he's never really liked the idea of having kids, for some reason there's the tiniest twinge of disappointment...
anyway - after this, their relationship turns into a weird mix between friends with benefits and ?lovers, semi slow burn
often crashing in each others beds and sharing meals, but also having periods where you won't see one another for a week or so when life gets busy
thing is, you always try and tell yourself that you'll only use him to relieve the swell in your breasts, but it's never the case. things always go out of control and you end up bouncing on his cock without thinking of the consequences.
and he can't stop himself from teasing you everytime, those tits of yours could kill a man, he swears. sukuna gets extremely touchy with them, grazing his fingertips over your nipples, groping you with your shirt still on like a lewd old man, life just feels better when he has your tit in his mouth or hands. it hardly feels like he's actually bullying you when he gets hard like a mf while doing it.
and there are moments where he blurs the line between FWB and becoming something a little more, like when he scents you before you leave his place. "...why're you scenting me?" "why not?"
there is an incident that happens in your house one time, where a huge water leak had happened while you were away at work, drenching the floorboards and things requiring a lot of fixing. you had nowhere else to stay that wasn't either a motel or some cheap sauna so sukuna offered you to sleep at his place for the time being.
it really made things between you two feel a lot more intimate and romantic, a lot of tension, especially when sleeping together without the sex and doing all the chores. both of you felt a little empty when the house maintenance was all done and you had to go back to your own place.
"but there's nowhere for you to sleep except for my bed. i'm not bothered to clean out any of the spare rooms and i don't suppose you want to sleep on the sofa for weeks straight?"
a sly method of getting you to sleep next to him.
also, this man is quite loaded with money. freelance chef popular in demand, but he only takes up jobs that he feels like doing. sometimes he'll leave his house empty for longer times because he's busy, which makes you quite lonely and confused, since he doesn't really explain to you where he's going and why a lot of the time.
when he eventually is back again, he is met with you, holding the scent of some other alpha. he finds himself feeling incredibly upset and possessive, even though he's always deemed relationships to be superficial in his life, because it limits his freedom. but he just feels so deeply unhappy about it that he ends up arguing with you
he knows it shouldn't be something he is entitled to feel angry about when he's not even properly committed to you but it's not like he's ever mingled with other omegas ever since he's met you? it just felt so unfair to him in the moment.
shortly after the argument, you end up confessing you didn't even do anything with the alpha anyway, just a boring date and one quick hug. and sukuna also explains that it was his fault in the first place, leaving and coming back without saying anything. turns out that he sometimes works as a chef in places like hotels and when he's preparing food for companies or people who live a distance away, he just spends the nights somewhere nearby for convenience.
the tension is high after both of you are finished clearing things up, and it eventually leads to sex again. he wants to get rid of that scent ASAP, whether it was from just a hug or not, he needs it GONE. and this time, he properly marks you, sinking his fangs into your scent glands like he's always ached to do.
the night ends with you two officially becoming a couple, finally haha, happy days
the end
Masterlist
#sukuna x reader#jjk x reader#sukuna#jujutsu kaisen x reader#sukuna smut#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x y/n
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⧠Manipulative best friend!Logan with a corruption kink
warnings: smut 18+, this is not a dark fic, Logan isnât truly manipulative but we have a very naive/innocent/inexperienced reader; first time masturbation, JOI, handjob, fingering (in front of a mirror), first kiss, pet names (bub, baby, my girl, good girl), Logan doesnât always fully ask for consent but if he did reader would want it, so those are the type of vibes, Logan takes advantage of the situation but reader is into him too, itâs implied that reader is a mutant too but powers are not specified, mentions of alcohol, reader wears Loganâs (big) shirt, Logan is a bit grossÂ
This kind of got out of hand lmaoo it was just supposed to just be a short concept but I ended up writing 5.5k words lolll. Itâs not a fully fleshed out fic (itâs in full sentences etc but still just kind of loosely written scenes) but I thought Iâd still share <33 (gorgeous divider by @anitalenia <3)
Logan knows he wants you from the moment he meets you. He knows he needs you the second you come to the mansion and join the school. But youâre so shy and nervous that he doesnât want to overwhelm you, so he tells himself heâll wait for a bit and let you get used to your new life here first.Â
What he isnât expecting is that you become really good friends in the meantime. Yes, he still wants to fuck you but he also genuinely enjoys your company and cares about you. Logan has a big, fat crush on you and thereâs not really anything he wonât do in order to be closer to you.
But the problem is that youâre so innocent and he canât tell if itâs an act, if you just donât like talking about sex in front of other people, or if youâre really like this.Â
He hears you talking to Storm and Jean one night and Storm is trying to convince you to get a vibrator and youâre asking âwhat would I need that for? I donât⊠yâknowâ. Storm says âyou donât what? Masturbate?â.
Logan knows exactly what shy expression youâre making even though he canât see you, and youâre all like âoh my god, donât say it that loudâ. And he knows your pretty face must be getting all hot with embarrassment and the thought alone turns Logan on to no end. Itâs quiet for a bit and Logan gathers that Jean reads your mind, and she confirms to Storm that youâre not lying. Â
Logan can only hear the conversation because heâs in the kitchen and youâre all in the room next to it, but some students come in so he canât keep eavesdropping, as much as he wants to. And he knows thereâs no way youâre continuing the conversation if heâs in the room, so he has to give up for the night. He tries to ask Storm the next day about what you said and she just calls him a pervert and says to ask you himself if he wants to know so badly.Â
But thatâs kind of the thing. Heâs become your best friend over the last few months, but there are still some things youâd never tell him just because heâs a guy, even if you donât see him as more than a friend. Yet.
And Logan only gets more desperate when youâre drunk one evening after a girlâs night and youâre knocking at his door. Itâs really late but Logan lets you in of course. Youâre crying a bit and he makes you sit in his bed and takes off your shoes and slides off your jacket while you hiccup something unintelligible.Â
He sits down with you and you can barely focus on what youâre saying, and then you get up mumbling about your uncomfortable tights and your skirt and suddenly youâre in front of him in just a top and panties. Logan has to gulp down a moan as he stares at the flesh of your thighs and the rolls on your belly and all he can think about is devouring you whole â until he hears you mention the conversation with Storm and Jean from the other day, âwait, what was that?â
You pout, âWell I was talking to them and turns out apparently Iâm the only woman in the world that doesnât masturbate andâ and Jean went home to Scott, and Storm went home with someone she met at the bar and Iâve never even done anything with a guy, not even with myself. I just feel left behind.â
And Logan tells you something about how youâre just a late bloomer and thereâs still time, because thatâs what he thinks you want to hear, but you tell him itâs condescending. You donât want to be a late bloomer, you just want to have sex. And ohâ Logan can help you with that.
He has to do his absolute best to keep calm and not mount you immediately, but youâre drunk so thatâs whatâs stopping him. He might manipulate you a little to get what he wants but heâs not that bad. He asks âyou donât like touching yourself?â And you just shrug and say âdunnoâ.Â
âYou never feel an ache between your legs?â Logan asks, keeping so calm itâs painful. And he can practically feel the heat melting off your face at the question as your eyes dart around the room, âI donât know, sometimesâ.
 âAnd you donât touch yourself?â
You shrug again, looking everywhere but at Logan, âI never really know what people mean when they say that. I, like, touch myself and it feels nice but thatâs it.âÂ
Logan smiles, âhow long do you touch yourself for?âÂ
âI donât know, a few seconds.â
And he chuckles and says âitâs normal that you donât get anywhere in a few seconds, bub.âÂ
âOh. I didnât know that,â you manage to meet his eyes briefly but look away again as you sit on your hands shyly.
âYou ever watched porn?â Logan asks and your eyes go wide as if heâs just committed the worst sin known to womankind in front of you and you hug your legs and say ânoo, I would never. Iâm not, like, a pervert.â
Logan laughs, âPorn isnât just for perverts. Thereâs more to it than choking and bondage, thereâs tame stuff.â You just say âwell Iâve never watched any.âÂ
âMaybe you should.â
âMaybe, I donât know.âÂ
He can tell youâre getting a bit ashamed and while he would love to train that shame out of you when it comes to sex, now isnât the time when youâre drunk in his bed at 2AM.Â
âYou wanna go to sleep?â He asks, failing to resist giving a small squeeze to your knee. Your eyes fly to his hand there, gaze lingering on his fingers even as he pulls them away. You nod after a few moments, and Logan reaches out to wipe away the remnants of your tears and says âyou wanna sleep in my bed? We could cuddleâ.Â
You grin like a child whoâs just tried ice cream for the first time at his suggestion and he gives you a bigger shirt of his so you donât have to sleep in that small, tight top youâre wearing. You pull off your top without warning and then heâs looking at you in just your underwear and he feels like heâs died and ascended to heaven even though heâs probably more likely to go to hell with the thoughts heâs having about you right now.Â
You cast a shy glance over your shoulder as you undo your bra and Logan wills himself to shut his eyes, putting his hand over them because he knows otherwise heâd look.
He only wants to fuck you more when he sees you in his shirt though, and heâll definitely have to go to the bathroom to jerk off once youâve fallen asleep. Except that you snuggle against his side so cutely, head resting on his shoulder with a leg thrown over his.Â
Youâre fast asleep before he can even say good night and when he moves to get up you move closer, and now heâs got your plush tits pressed up against his side and your arm over his waist. A tent has formed in his pants and he feels pathetic that heâs measuring the distance between your elbow and his crotch, silently willing you to move just a few inches.Â
Heâs so horny that heâd feel no moral qualms at jerking off right next to you. Heâd cum so quickly with you pressed to his side, but he wouldnât know how to explain it if you woke up. He doesnât want to scare you away. So he pulls away to get up, and you wake up and whine when he stands up, telling you he just has to pee to which you grumble, and you grab his pillow to cuddle with instead.Â
He jerks off shamelessly, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. His spit slicked-palm is starting to get loud as he strokes his cock to thoughts of you, but he doesnât care if you hear. You probably wouldnât know what heâs doing anyway with how innocent you are.Â
He doesnât even have to fantasise about any sexual scenario with you. Thinking about the pretty smile you have whenever you look at him is enough to have his fists drenched in his cum as he jerks himself off with both hands to stroke his entire length.Â
He canât hold back the small moan that spills over his lips when he cums, torn between hoping you heard and hoping you didnât. Logan washes his hands and rejoins you in bed.Â
He takes a moment before he slips under the covers, taking in the sight of you in his bed, imagining youâre his and that itâs the norm for you to sleep together rather than an exception. You stir as the mattress dips with his weight, swapping the pillow of his that was clutched between your arms for his bicep that you hold onto instead. Youâre way too gone to have heard any of what he just did, and for a moment he feels dirty for thinking about you the way that he does.Â
It doesnât last long, of course, as he dreams of you most nights. He canât feel bad about it though â heâll take any dream over one of his nightmares (that he hasnât had since he met you). And if heâs honest it turns him on how innocent and unsuspecting you are of what goes on in his head when he thinks of you.Â
-
You wake up still wrapped around his body the next morning. You have a headache and Logan brings you something to soothe it, offering to massage your stiff neck too. You sigh in bliss as soon as Loganâs hands are on you, and he reminds himself that you must be touch-starved. Youâve never touched yourself, let alone felt the touch of another person that went beyond platonic or familial affection.Â
He revels in the sounds he pulls from you with ease with the most basic massaging technique there is. He never wants to leave. He started off hovering over the back of your thighs, but heâs been making his way forwards and now his crotch is nestled right against the soft swell of your ass. You either donât notice that heâs slowly moved or you donât realise what exactly is pressing into your backside.Â
Itâs obvious that youâre enjoying his hands on the back of your neck and the top of your shoulders; he doubts thereâs anything that could distract you from it. Except if he got hard maybe, but heâs got more self control since he jerked off in the bathroom again after waking up with morning wood and with you by his side, just before he brought you some painkillers.Â
âYouâre so good with your hands, Logan,â you tell him, voice all raspy, and he smirks at the innuendo you donât realise youâre making.Â
âItâs what my girl deserves,â he says, pulling a smile and a hum from your lips.Â
âIâm your girl?â you ask shyly, eyes still closed as his knuckles drag over your skin.Â
âOâcourse you are, bub.â Heâs not sure in what way you interpret the pet name but he can tell you like it, hearing how your heartbeat speeds up just that little bit. You like being his, and he likes that.Â
-
Itâs during a particularly horny evening that Logan comes to your room. Heâs jerked off twice today to pictures of you â pictures heâs snuck over the time heâs known you, you smiling as you laugh at a tv show, stretching on the sofa not realising that heâs got his phone out, or that one photo of you smiling all shyly on the day you first met him and he showed you around the mansion. Jean asked to take a picture to commemorate the day you joined them, and he remembers the way he slid his arm around the back of your waist and you placed your hand shyly on his back, smiling all adorably.Â
Heâs got a picture of you in a bikini from that one time you two went swimming but he keeps that for special occasions. Today was one of those special occasions, and he came all over his phone screen, cursing when he had to clean it afterwards; he even had to get the phone case off and all.Â
But you still wonât leave his head for even just a second, so he decides itâs time for the next step. He doesnât want to overwhelm you with anything, but he also just really wants you. Canât help it. Heâs a selfish man but any man would be if he knew you the way Logan did. He knocks at your door. âYeah?â you call out.Â
You grin when he steps in and closes the door behind himself. You stretch out your arms for a hug to greet him, even though you only saw him a few hours ago. He joins you where youâre sitting on your bed with your laptop. Logan turns the screen towards him, hoping to find something naughty but he should have known better. Itâs just some video essay on a topic heâs never even heard of. He shuts the laptop.Â
âYou know, Iâve been thinking,â you tell him, genuinely focussed, âIf Iâm your girl then what are you to me? My boy sounds weird, and my man.. I donât know.â
He almost forgot that he called you his girl to your face, and he smirks when he imagines you thinking about it these past few days. He lies down on his side, invading your space, almost touching you with how close he is next to you.
 âI can be anything you like, bub.âÂ
You shrug shyly, âMaybe youâre just my Logan.âÂ
Heâs surprised at how much that turns him on. You being his, thatâs one thing. But him being yours? Those two things go hand-in-hand, of course, but he thought you were still a long way off from liking him as much as he likes you.Â
It encourages him to ask you what heâs been thinking about for days. He says it casually. âSo, had any success touching yourself?â He uses that tame expression so that youâre less embarrassed.
Still, your eyes widen slightly and you immediately start playing with the hem of your oversized t-shirt. âWhat do you mean?âÂ
âYou know what I mean,â he smirks, âDonât gotta be embarrassed around me. Weâve been over this.â Although, for a second he wonders if you even remember the conversation. You were drunk after all, and he considers feeling bad, but then you smile.Â
âI know, but⊠I havenât tried it since. Iâve thought about it but I still donât know what to do.â Heâs got you right where he wants.Â
âYâknow, I donât mind showing you. You deserve to feel good.âÂ
You look away, âWhat would you even show me? And how? Guys are different down there.â Oh, youâre so innocent. Heâs having so much fun.Â
âI could touch you.â He watches you experience a multitude of emotions as you think about it. Shame, intrigue, resolve.Â
âWouldnât that be weird for you?âÂ
âNot at all, donât worry about me.âÂ
âAre you sure?âÂ
âIâm sure, bub.âÂ
You look around you, putting your laptop and your phone on your nightstand, âWhat do I do?â you ask, playing with the blanket.Â
âIâll just touch you a bit, okay? Just get you used to the feeling,â he tells you, both of you sitting up and he pulls your legs around his waist, gently touching all over your inner thighs, squeezing the flesh.
Youâre already arching your back, scooting closer to him, and he lifts your shirt up over your hip and sees the wet spot on your panties. Heâs not sure if you notice how hard he is under his sweatpants but no one could blame him for that. Youâre getting so worked up and he hasnât even touched you anywhere near your pussy, youâre breathing so heavily and your heart is beating so fast.
âYâwant a kiss, bub?â Logan asks you all sweetly, and you lean in as soon as the words leave his mouth. Your lips on his are messy but eager, and Logan loves that he can feel that itâs your first kiss. You donât know what youâre doing but you need it â need him.Â
But he has to stop at some point because itâs getting harder to not fuck you, so he gently pulls away, and you grin shyly when the kiss is over. Logan leans in one more time for a quick kiss. He pushes you backwards a bit and looks between your spread thighs. Youâre so wet. Youâre squirming under his gaze.
âCan I take these off?â he asks, tugging at the waistband of your panties and your breathing gets shaky when his finger grazes your belly. You bite your lip and nod.
âGood girl,â he says, pulling your underwear down your thighs with one hand, eyes glued to your pussy. Youâre so wet and sticky already, and your pussy looks even better than anything heâs imagined â and heâs imagined it a lot.
He wants nothing more than to fuck you, or eat you out at least, but heâs supposed to be showing you how to masturbate, so he lies down next to you.
âSo, if you were alone, you might touch yourself like this.â He takes his hand between your thighs, softly touching your clit. Youâre leaning into him, head against his shoulder as you watch his big hand between your thighs. It looks so right there. You look to your side and gaze up at Logan, and you canât help but just kiss him again.
And while youâre kissing, Logan puts his palm on your pussy and starts rubbing you a bit rougher, and you become too distracted to keep kissing him.
âYou like when I play with your clit?â he teases you and you nod, hiding your face in his neck. Logan moves down to fuck one of his fingers into you, then two, and youâre whimpering against his warm skin. With his palm still rubbing against your clit, you have your first ever orgasm with Logan and you hold onto him as the pleasure flows through your body.
He keeps going until you put your hand around his wrist to stop him and you shyly smile up at him. âWas that good, bub?âÂ
You answer with a weak âyeahâ, your voice hoarse but youâre smiling and your skin is glowing. Logan pulls his hand away and shows you how your arousal sticks to his fingers, and your eyes search his because youâre not sure if this is a good or bad thing.
Your mouth opens when Logan takes his fingers into his mouth and sucks your taste off them. âTaste so fucking good, baby. You wanna taste yourself?â And he waits patiently until youâve made your mind up but you nod and let him put one of his fingers into your warm, wet mouth. You suck on it for much longer than necessary and Logan tries to save the image in his brain for later.
He holds you for a bit as you comprehend that youâve just had an orgasm for the first time in your life. You shyly thank him before he leaves and he makes you promise that youâll try it again by yourself soon. That was the whole point of this, after all â nothing to do with Logan or anything.
-
Logan thought heâd be satisfied for a bit, but all itâs done is make him even needier for you. Youâre so oblivious to all his flirting, and heâs sure you genuinely thought he just wanted to show you how to masturbate the other day.Â
Of course, he could just ask you out, but itâs more fun this way. He likes watching you figure stuff out. He wonders how long itâll take you to realise that he actually likes you, that teaching you how to jerk off maybe wasnât only in your best interest but in his too.
Heâs a bit pathetic when it comes to you at this point, though. As much as heâs teasing you, itâs also teasing him. Itâs a bit of a low point, but he pretends to be in a bad mood to get your attention.
You come to his room in the late afternoon when you havenât seen him all day, and youâre so kind and so caring and immediately worried when you see him sprawled in bed in his pyjamas that consist of grey sweatpants and a white shirt.
âYou okay? What happened?â you close the door and sit on his bed immediately.
Logan fake sighs, suppressing a smile as he pouts exaggeratedly. âNothing, bub. Donât you worry about me.â He squeezes your knee to reassure you, and he watches you perk up at his touch.
âYou know you can always talk to me,â you smile kindly, and he wants to kiss you so badly. He doesnât usually talk about emotions and feelings all that much, but youâre always trying to get him to open up because itâs good for him, so he knows heâs got you with this.
âIâm just feeling a bit down today. Thatâs all. Donât wanna bother you with my problems.â
âYouâre not bothering me. Iâm always here for you.â
He watches you gnawing on your lip as you think about what to say next, and Logan waits curiously. âHave you uh, jerked off today? I think an orgasm would cheer anyone up, if it feels as good as you made me feel the other day.â
And Loganâs all like âIâve tried but itâs been so long since a woman touched me, and my own hand just isnât doing it for me anymore.â
He gets hard immediately when you perk up, smiling with your sweet expression and saying, âI could help you! I hate seeing you so sadâ.
And Logan pretends, saying âno, bub, Iâd never ask that of you,â but you sit up on your knees and say âI really wouldnât mind! And I owe you for last time anyway.â
âIf youâre really sure?âÂ
You nod sweetly and brush your hair out of your face and ask, âwhere do you want me?â
And even just you asking that is something that will stay in his mind for a long time. He feels like youâd do anything he asked of you right now and itâs already driving him crazy. He says âjust next to me here, bub. Yeah there is fineâ.Â
You lean in to kiss him and he only pulls away out of surprise, and youâre blinking back at him with wide eyes, apologising, âItâs just cause you kissed me last time, I thoughtâ I thought itâs part ofââ
âYeah, baby, it is. Just didnât know if you wanted to kiss me again.â
You give him a cheeky smile and nod, âof course I wanna kiss you. Youâre my best friend. Iâd do anything for youâ.Â
Logan grins and bites his lip and says âme too, bubâ, and leans in and kisses you again, basically attacking you with his mouth. He can tell itâs getting a little much for you with the way heâs eating you alive so he stops himself and asks âwas that too much?âÂ
You shake your head, âjust donât know how to kiss like that yet.â And he likes that. Yet. Maybe he can sneak in some kissing lessons at some point, just to show you how itâs done of course, no other reason.Â
You look down at his lap then and itâs obvious how hard he is. âYâwanna you touch it like this first?â he asks you, grabbing himself over his sweatpants, the outline becoming clearer.
And you nod so eagerly, but get a bit shy when youâre touching his cock, one of your knees pulled up to your chest as you palm him over his sweatpants. âItâs so big,â you marvel, oblivious to how much this is affecting Logan.
âYou wanna see?â
You tell him yes and he pulls the waistband down, and you lean closer when he wraps a hand around his cock, stroking himself just a few times to relieve the pressure.Â
You bring a finger to his mouth like he did for you the other day, and he chuckles, âthat wonât be enough, bubâ. Your cheeks burn when you say âohâ.
âHere,â he moves your hand so your open palm is facing him and he spits into it.
âNow do this,â Logan tells you, taking your hand and wrapping it around his cock, guiding you up and down with your spit-slicked palm. You watch in awe as you jerk him off, his hand never leaving the back of yours.
He could cum immediately like this, but he tries to savour the feeling a bit longer.
âDoes it feel good?â you ask him.
âYeah, doing so well, bub. Think you can do it by yourself?â
You shake your head with a smile. Yes, you could do it by yourself, but you like the feeling of him guiding you, setting the pace and intensity. He grins and continues, squeezing your hand tighter so that your grip on his cock tightens too.
Logan lets you jerk him off a bit longer before he gives in. Heâs proud of you for not pulling away in surprise when he cums, coating your hand and his in his cum as ropes of white shoot over your skin and onto his shirt. He lets go of your hand to pull off his shirt and watches you examine your hand full of Loganâs cum.
âCan I taste it?â you ask in a quiet voice, and Logan just about gets hard again.
âYeah,â he tells you, but pushes his own fingers into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his two fingers and suck the cum off, and Logan canât help but push them further into your mouth, making you giggle. You pull his hand away after a bit, only to lick your own fingers. He uses the clean part of his shirt to dry your hand off after, and you lie down to cuddle him.
âDo you feel better?â
Logan chuckles, âYeah, bub, I feel better. Thanks.â
âGood,â you grin, proud of yourself. Loganâs proud of you too.
-
Itâs still the same day when you come to his room the next time. You left after a bit to go to sleep, but now there are knocks on Loganâs door that he recognises as yours before you say anything.
You enter his room in your pyjamas â a big shirt â and some fluffy socks, a plushie under your arm. You look so oh so innocent that he almost feels bad for corrupting you. You come in, close the door, and sit on his bed again, legs dangling off the side of it. He could really get used to you being in here.
âCanât sleep?â He asks, but you ignore him, hugging your plushie for comfort.
 âI⊠can you maybeâŠâ you let out a sigh, âI tried to masturbate but I canât do it by myself. Can you show me again?âÂ
Maybe youâre not so innocent anymore. He chuckles and tells you of course, and heâs starting to wonder if youâve caught on to the game that heâs playing, and if youâve joined him, but heâd still bet money that you really are this naive. Logan pulls his full length mirror in front of his bed, not too close, but close enough that you can see yourself in it.Â
He moves to lift your shirt to get your panties off, and his heart skips a beat as heâs greeted by the sight of your bare pussy, already glistening.
âIt was easier to come with them already off,â you say, and he reaaally has to restrain himself so he doesn't bend you over and take you right here.
You drop your stuffed toy to the side of Loganâs bed as he sits you in front of the mirror, getting behind you, putting his legs either side of you.
âGod, youâre so pretty.â He canât stop himself from saying it as he makes you look at yourself in the mirror, legs spread.
âI donât know if I can do this, Logan,â you say, shying away from looking in the mirror.
âYou can do it, bub. I got you, okay?â
Youâve turned around to look at him better, and he chuckles when he gets it.
âIs this what you need?â he asks as he leans in to kiss you, and you moan yes into his mouth. He loves you so fucking much.
His dick is already so hard and heâs not sure if you can feel it pressing into your ass, but either way youâre not complaining. He takes your chin to make you face yourself in the mirror, and he canât get enough of seeing you two in it together â the way heâs sitting behind you like this, imagining other positions you two could be in.
âHere,â he pushes his finger into your mouth, even though youâre already wet enough, watching you suck on it eagerly. His finger stays in your mouth much longer than necessary.
He starts gently rubbing your clit in circles, and you squirm in his arms that are around you, one on your waist, the other between your legs.
âI did that too, but it feels better when you do it,â you mumble after a while, clearly enjoying it but unsure what you were doing wrong when you did it yourself.
âTry it.â Logan takes your hand, and makes you do it yourself. Youâre squirming with him watching you like this, but it is useful to sit in front of the mirror, copying how he played with your pussy just moments ago.
Loganâs not blind to how wet you are, at having him watching and guiding you, and he canât help it as he reaches into his boxers to jerk off. He doesnât get his cock out but heâs not hiding it. You can see the movement of his arm in the mirror and you might even be able to feel it at your back, as Loganâs fist grazes your shirt every now and then as he strokes himself.
But youâre so focussed on looking between your own legs that Logan is genuinely not sure if youâve noticed him jerking off, and the sounds of your wet pussy are louder than his hand on his cock.
âI⊠I canât,â you whine after a bit, taking your hand away from your pussy, but Logan is close, and he wants you to cum too.
He keeps jerking off, and he sees you noticing it, sitting up a bit taller but you donât seem to mind. Youâre smiling, biting your lip.
âYeah, you can, baby. Here, weâll do it together.â He keeps a hand on his cock, reaching around you to put your hand back between your legs, and then he pushes two of his fingers into your pussy, fucking you with them.
âYou close, bub? Iâm close,â he says, and the idea of cumming together with Logan makes your pussy squeeze around his fingers, so you do your best to recreate the pattern on your clit that Logan showed you, rubbing it in circles until you get the right angle.
âGood girl, thatâs it. So tight around my fingers. Come on now.â Loganâs so close he has no idea how heâs still holding off, sloppily jerking his cock with one hand and fucking your pussy with his fingers on the other hand.
You lean your head back, landing on Loganâs shoulder, as your orgasm pulses through you. Logan can feel your pussy spasming around him, and he lets go too, cumming over his hand and his boxers.
Youâre both out of breath for a while after, barely moving.
âYâdid it, bub,â he kisses the top of your head, and you smile at him through the mirror, turning to press a messy kiss to the side of his face. He wonât take that though, so he grabs your face, smearing some of his cum on your cheek, and pulls you to face him for a proper kiss. You smile against his mouth as you make out.
You sleep in his room again that night, but he canât say it feels like you know that he likes you yet. Heâll have fun watching you figure it out soon.
-
⧠reblog and let me know your thoughts for Logan to appear in your dreams tonight <3
#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x you#wolverine x you#wolverine smut#deadpool and wolverine#fem!reader#selfcarecap
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âtis the season || one shot
joel miller x f!reader
nothing new. nothing exciting. just some pwp. major shout out to my very freaky girl @dinandwhiskey, this fic was born due to our 4am conversations about fucking Our Old Man on viagra. and to my fellow ocean unicorn @joeloverture, for the encouragement, always. and to @pedrospatch, for being my eyes, and my biggest cheerleader, you have my heart. anyway â merry christmas eve eve & happy holidays ya filthy animals. may 2025 be ever so kind to you <33
pairing: dbf!joel x reader summary: youâre back in town for christmas, and itâs been months since youâve seen your boyfriend, joel miller. and he decides to make the most of the brief window of time you have together. or, joel fucks you after taking viagra. ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ warnings: [no-outbreak au], implied age gap [no mention of ages but reader is in college], secret established long distance relationship [thatâs a mouth full] [thatâs what she said], drug use, joel miller on viagra is a beast, pet names [baby, darlinâ, sweetheart, kiddo], sexualization of the terms kiddo & old man, [mocking] dirty talk, size kink, praise kink, daddy kink, brief mentions of smut that occurs off page [i.e: face-sitting, fingering, anal play, ass eating/rimming, a reach around handjob, f! & m! receiving oral], softdom!joel, unprotected piv, missionary, mating press, overstimulation [rip our girl sheâs fighting for her life], dacryphilia, finger sucking, biting, smidge of a pain kink, creampie, squirting, joel fucks you while youâre on the phone with your father, mentions of christmas, (2) christmas puns [author apologizes in advance for said puns], probably [most likely] inaccurate and unrealistic descriptions to the effects of viagra [remember, this is fiction!!], omitting a few tags as to avoid spoilers!!, aaaaand lastly, theyâre in love BYE! word count: 3.5k
masterlist || ao3 || follow @joelsdaggerupdates for notifs on when i post my writing!
âJust one more time, sweetheart.â
You donât respond, tongue-tied. The agonizingly slow drag of his cock inside you is too much, your mind is a blur.Â
Joelâs been fucking you for hours. Heâs made you come six times since you practically pranced through his front door. Twice on his face, once on his fingers, and three times on his cock. And now youâre overstimulated â cunt swollen and almost begging for relief â but Joel, driven by your high-pitched moans and strained whimpers, is unable to stop himself, working to make you come just one more fucking time.
Itâs thanks to that stupid little blue pill his buddy slipped him that heâd been able to fuck you for this long.Â
In truth, he doesnât need it. He never needs it. He fucks you perfectly fine without it. But youâre home for the holidays, and you havenât seen him or come successfully on your own since the beginning of the fall term, and Joel wanted to take advantage of that.
Send you back fucked so full oâme youâll feel me in here for weeks, heâd groaned.Â
Your drippy hole stretched out and clamped tight around the thick girth of him. It had been so long, your face contorted at the sharp sting, and a pained hiss escaped through his gritted teeth when he pushed the delicious fat tip of his cock past your puffy folds, splitting you in two.Â
The warm walls of your cunt pulse around his shaft, your clit throbs against the wet thatch of thick hairs stippled gray at his base. Youâre too sensitive, too tender, cunt stinging with every long stroke, but not in the way it makes you want to use your safe word.Â
Itâs just that Joel hasnât let up. Two hours spent making you come and he hasnât let up once. The only time he had given you some semblance of a break was when he got up, turned around, and sat on your face at your plea â your desire to show him how good he had made you feel all those times before.Â
His cock in your hand, weak fist tugging away at his length while you lathed away at the tight little hole in the crease between his ass cheeks. Even then, Joel couldn't help himself; shoved three thick fingers into your puffy pussy â timing the thrust of them to the desperate pumps of your joint fists â jacking his cock in unison while you writhed beneath him, pulling another climax from you.Â
Only when his sweaty thighs quivered around your body, chin tilted towards the ceiling and a stream of profanities poured from his lips, his body curling over yours as hot spurts of his cum painted your soft tummy when he felt your finger slipping past his puckered rim to the knuckle, had he given you a break.Â
âAttagirl, just like that. Pretty little pussyâs gonna cum all over me. Câmon, baby, give it to me,â Joelâs voice is thick with arousal as he rambles above you, his hips expertly rolling into yours, head of his cock nudging that place incompetent college boys have failed to reach.Â
âJoelâfuckâI donât think I canââ You gasp frantically, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, arms wound tight around him.
He smirks with another deliberate roll of his hips. âThought you said you could keep up. Isnât that what you said? âNaw, I reckon you said, Try keeping up, old man, wasnât that it?â He mocks, imitating your words from earlier. Fucking bastard.Â
A whimpering mess, your eyes pinch shut in response.Â
âI canâtââ you croak, fingernails digging into his shoulders.Â
Deft hands brush your hair back from your face. âYou can. I know you can, baby.â His voice softer, barely audible through the wet smack of his balls, smeared in the evidence of your earlier release, firmly slapping against the curve of your ass. The sounds obscenely echoing through the quiet of his bedroom.Â
You whimper and try fruitlessly to nod. He knows you can, and heâs right. Your hips wouldnât be grinding up off the mattress to meet his thrusts. You wouldnât be feeling something roiling low in your belly.
âOne more time, baby. Give me one more nâ Iâll let this sore little pussy rest,â he whispers, lips kissing away your salty tears.Â
You nod eagerly. His hand reaches up to the headboard, fingers curling around it and locking into place, his other removes one of yours from his shoulder, pins it to the pillow above your head. And with his hand clasping your damp palm, fingers squeezing then interlocking with yours, he fucks you harder.Â
The change in pace has tears spilling from your eyes and pooling into the shells of your ears. The wave swells, swells, swells â
Your phone screen lights up the dark room, buzzing on Joelâs nightstand.Â
You freeze, neck craning in the direction of the vibration, eyes squinting and damp lashes fluttering at the bright screen, Dad, it reads.Â
Shit.Â
You gaze back up at Joel, wide-eyed, panic surging in your chest. Joel growls. âDonât answer.âÂ
You donât listen. You know your father, heâll keep calling until you answer. Without saying another word, your hand comes up to the wooden surface in search of your phone. You take a few deep breaths, trying to quell the anxious heat swirling inside you, unplug your phone from the charger, slide a shaky thumb across the screen, and press the phone to the shell of your ear.
âHeyââ You clear your throat awkwardly, âHey, Dad,â your voice breathy, tired.
You unstick your body from Joelâs, your free hand presses to his strong chest, a silent effort to halt his movements.
âKid! Iâm sorry to call you this late, but before you left for Eveâs, I forgot to let you know to be home in time for breakfast.âÂ
Jesus. That couldâve been a text.Â
You sit up, scoot back into the pillows, while Joel sits back on his knees, wincing in unison as his cum-drenched cock slips out of your overflowing slit. Almost instantly, you feel a steady stream of his spend trickle out of your opening. Heâd already managed to fill you to the brim three times tonight.
You fiddle with your bottom lip. âBreakfast? I thought we were just doing dinner.â
âWell, I thought since youâre only in town for a few days, we could go the whole nine yards. I missed our breakfasts together. I enjoy them, kid,â he says softly.Â
Your bleary eyes flick back to Joel. The smug grin that graces his lips and the gleam of something darker in his eyes donât put you at ease. Heâs up to something, as always.Â
You grumble, massaging your forehead. âYeah, sure, Dad. Iâll be home by nine. Listen, I gottaââÂ
âOh! Speakinâ of dinner, I was thinking of inviting Joel over,â your dad says, plainly. Â
Your heart stutters. âJoel? W-Why?â
The corner of Joelâs mouth twitches, dark eyes glimmer with mischief. Two heavy hands find your waist, and heâs sliding you back down towards him. Slow and suspicious, one of his hands finds your knee, and presses it flush to the mattress. You both watch as his other hand cups the back of your other knee, pushing it back down to match the other, exposing you to the sex-tainted air. With his eyes transfixed on the slow trickle of his spend, his hand then wraps around the base of his cock, tip lining up with your aching hole.Â
There it is.Â
âPoor guy has been asking about you, kid.â And Joel glides the head of his cock up and down your puffy seam, collecting your mixed juices on his tip then taps the heavy weight of it on your perked clit twice in quick succession; Joel smirks at the wet smack. You jolt, thighs attempting to clamp shut, his firm grip on your knee tightens, keeping you open for him.Â
You pinch your eyes closed and curse under your breath.Â
âWhat was that, honey?âÂ
Your eyes snap open, and you scramble to recover, âN-nothing, I justââ You clear your throat again. âSorry. What were you saying, Dad?â
Joel chuckles lowly as he leans forward on top of you, pressing his broad frame in on you, your legs instinctively wrap around his waist. Chest to chest, belly to belly, pelvis to pelvis, tacky skin against tacky skin, once again as before. He tucks his face into the crook of your neck, and with his mouth at your other ear, his tongue darts out to lick at the salty droplet there before suckling ever so slightly on your flesh, you bite back a moan.Â
Your dad, oblivious to your current state, continues, âOhâ Joelâs been asking after you. Think heâs getting sick of your old man if Iâm honest. He keeps telling me he misses having you around, always goinâ on about how youâve grown up right before his eyesâŠâ
He can hear him. You know he can by the feel of the corner of his mouth curling up into a grin, teeth grazing your carotid now. He lifts his head, dark gaze meeting yours while his massive hands cup your tits, caressing, squeezing, kneading, while muttering, Goddamn have you grown up.Â
Your cunt flutters around nothing, and you sigh into the phone; your dad doesnât hear it through his rambling. You donât register what heâs chatting away about because then, Joelâs nose nuzzles into your neck, traces a line up, up, up until his tongue snakes out and meets the curve of your earlobe. Licks the meat of it into his mouth and takes it between his teeth, your whimper cuts off into a moan when the bite turns sharp. Â
His fingers fiddle with your nipples. âNaughty little thing,â Joel taunts, warmth of his breath fanning across the hinge of your jaw, âYou liked that?âÂ
You keen and nod, his hand dips south between your bodies, wrapping around the base of his length, notches the too-wide cockhead at your too-small hole. You turn your head, pressing your mouth to the scruff of his beard, muffling the whine he elicits from you.Â
Joel pushes inside, takes a moment, and just to mess with you â he fucks his tip in and out of your drooling hole in small pulses â once, twice, thrice â teasing you, making you moan. He tilts his head, nosing your cheek, breath hot and voice deep, âListen,â he commands.
Absentmindedly, you tilt your phone away from your ear, away from your dadâs mumblings. You strain your ears to obey him. In and out, in and out. The squelch of your sticky wet reverberates  against the four walls of his bedroom as the blunt head of his cock moves in and out.Â
In. And out. Â
âFuck,â you mutter, eyes flitting down to watch his cock impale you.Â
Your dadâs voice cuts in through the fog, redrawing your attention.
âSweetie? You okay? Whatâs wrong?âÂ
Your eyes widen. Shit. âIâmâIâmâfine, Iâ I j-just stubbed my toe. Dad, I really canât tââ You stammer, and Joel chuckles lowly.Â
Your stuttering emboldens him, taking it as an invitation to torture you further, and with his lips against your ear, a breathy moan escapes from his lips as Joel feeds you his cock, slowly working himself back into your spent cunt. So painfully slow that he ensures you feel every ridge and every vein, and in turn, he feels every inch of your warm, velvet walls sucking him in as he eases himself into you. Used cunt clamped tight around him as you welcome him back in â inch by torturous inch.Â
He stills once he reaches resistance, and you bite your bottom lip hard enough that you taste copper, suppressing the moan climbing up your chest as his tip knocks your cervix, heavy balls pressed flush to your ass â finally bottoming out inside you.
He ruts into you once, tip bumps your cervix again â goading you, and you gasp in return, fingernails indenting his shoulder, halfâmoon crescents marking his skin. Beads of sweat roll off his forehead and onto your face, mixing with the warm tears now cascading down your face, and your tongue darts out to taste it. The flavor of him â his sweat, his musk â only feeds the dizzying blur that is your mind. But through the foggy haze and the lewd, wet slap of flesh against flesh, you think you can hear your dad saying, You really need to quit the habit of walking around in the dark, kiddo.
And you think youâre nodding, an endless litany of, yes, yeahâyeah slipping past your lips, as you rush your way through the phone call with your father, uncaring. Only interested in the shifts of Joelâs hips, slowly fucking into you in measured thrusts.
Joel tuts. âSuch a dirty fuckinâ girl, gettinâ off while speakinâ to her daddy.â And your grip in his hair tightens, walls tensing in response. âAttagirl, keep squeezinâ me like that. You gonna show me just how naughty you are for me, hm? Gonna let me have it with him on the phone? Gonna cream all over my cock, naughty girl?â
You nod your head numbly, mouth dry and unable to speak with the tip of his cock prodding at the soft spot inside you on every languid stroke, hips swaying back and forth.
The wave begins to crest, and despite your eager nodding at Joel only a second prior, thereâs no way in hell youâre really going to come on your boyfriendâs cock â your dadâs best friend â while on the phone with your father.Â
Your voice claws its way up your throat, âD-dad, Iâm â mmm â sorry I really have to gâââ You think your thumb presses the red button, but your phone slips from your hand, dropping to the carpet with a muffled thump, and itâs too late to check if youâve fully hung up on him, and frankly, youâre too consumed by your lover to care.Â
Grinning with pride, Joel pulls back, cock halfway out of your pussy and your hands grasp at his shoulders.Â
âJoelâ f-fuckâplease,â you beg, your resolve melting.Â
He clicks his tongue. âNa-uh, try again.âÂ
âD-d-daddyâplease,â you whine.Â
âD-d-daddy,â he mocks above you. âSay it, pretty girl.â He knows, but he wants to hear you say it.Â
âHarder. Please, daddyâIâI wanna come, please, I wanna come,â you mewl, voice all whiny and petulant.
He says nothing. Without pulling out of you, his long fingers wrap around to grip the backs of your knees, pinning your thighs to your chest, knees to your shoulders, feet dangling in the air beside his beautiful head, folding you in half. Then, he moves to plant his feet flat on the mattress, propping himself up, hands on your thighs to steady himself.Â
Youâre already a mewling, writhing mess underneath him as he fucks in and out of your wasted cunt â it doesnât take much longer for you to get there. The air fills with sounds of the headboard hammering against the wall and filthy, sloppy sounds of where you two are connected as he bashes into you with arrant primal vigor.
The new angle has him hitting a point inside you, deeper than you ever thought to exist. And still â the wave doesnât break. With his eyes locked on yours, you know he can tell. He can always tell. Heâs made you scream his name enough times since the beginning of your many clandestine meetings last summer to know when youâre teetering on the edge. In need of more.Â
And for a moment, you think you can see it in him. Hazel eyes practically glint against the pale moonlight that spills into his bedroom. Joel bares his teeth in a cocky grin, his hand releases one of your thighs to cup your face, thumb parting your plush lips when he says, give it to me, kiddo, soak your old manâs cock.Â
Oh fuck.Â
Your eyelids flutter shut, your head falling back onto the pillows, hands clutching and pulling at tufts of his grizzled curls. Lips closing around his thumb wedged in your mouth; licking, sucking, biting into his flesh, as the crest finally breaks and washes over you, taking you under the rogue waves. Â
But Joel still doesnât let up. One more time, my ass.Â
Heâs insatiable. And he shows you just how insatiable he is when his thumb slips from your spit-smeared lips and reaches between your bodies, the pads of his fingers expertly thrum at your sensitive clit.
Your face twinges up at the intense, almost painful pressure as he pinches your clit between his index and middle fingers, hard. The swing of his hips speeds up, cock relentlessly beating your sore cunt. The sight of his girth, disappearing and reappearing as he pounds your pussy at a punishing pace, and his fingers twisting your swollen clit has your belly pulling taut and snapping within the same beat. With a broken shout of his name, you gush around the root of his cock, dripping down his balls. Itâs warm and sticky when it seeps down, past your tight ring of muscle, soaking his blue sheets and turning them the shade of charcoal gray.Â
Joel coaxes you through your seventhâeighth toe-curling orgasm of the night. An endless stream of sweet nothings spills from him â good girl, thatâs it, kiddo. I know, I know, itâs so much, I know â fuckâ such a good fuckinâ girl, as he fucks you through it.Â
Your sloppy cunt clenches around him, and with his cock choked tight, deep within your bruised walls, he follows soon after. Growls raggedly as he unravels, and his own orgasm rolls through him, decking the hall of your weeping cunt with warm, milky ropes of cum for the fourth time tonight.Â
Joel collapses onto your sticky chest, placing open-mouthed kisses to your dampened face â your cheek, your nose, your forehead, while he pumps you full of his seed, abiding by his promise. And when heâs done, his sweaty forehead drops to yours for a moment. The waves now a steady ripple through your body as you come down.
After a moment, he lifts his head, and in retaliation for giving you what was possibly the best fuck of your life while on the phone with your father and nearly exposing your tryst, you bring one of his hands to your face, hollow your cheeks, and suck his thumb while looking up at him with wide and falsely innocent eyes.Â
He licks his lips but manages to pry his post-coital eyes away. Instead, his cum-soaked cock slips out of your tired, leaking cunt. When he leans back, you swallow a moan, catching sight of the aftermath of your many arousals in his pubic hair. Graying curls swimming in a pool of your combined releases that drips down his thighs. A thin strand of your shared pearlescent spend shines in the soft moonlight, stretching from his balls to your folds, still connecting the two of you as he pulls away.Â
Joel misses it, something else pulls his attention. His gaze shifts to the clock beside your head. A hint of a smirk passes over his lips.Â
âYouâre lucky itâs Christmas, darlinâ,â voice low, dangerous.Â
Your head snaps in the same direction. Itâs past midnight. You smirk in turn and pull the comforter up to hide it.
You feel him shift over you, elbow popping loudly as he reaches for what heâs looking for before he moves to sit up beside you, back against the headboard. His hand pulls the comforter back down from your face, and you roll over and sit up on your knees to face him.Â
His other palm opens, wordlessly presenting you with a single twig of some plant. One with moss green, teardropâshaped leaves and plump, round berries, waxy and opaque in color. Â
Mistletoe.
You take the meat of your bottom lip between your teeth, stifling a laugh that threatens to bubble through you. Because of fucking course he would.Â
Though, the soft laugh is short-lived. His broad hand waves the mistletoe over him, but not where it should be. Your gaze follows the movement of his hand, and your mouth falls agape. Your eyes snap back up to Joelâs, and his wicked smirk broadens.
Joel Miller â naked as the day he was born and splayed on top of his messy sheets â dangles the mistletoe over his length, still hard as a rock and stirring in his other hand.
But it doesnât stop there.Â
Beneath the mistletoe rests a lump of bright red and velvety felt; a fluffy white cuff rounds the brim, and a matching fuzzy white bobble hangs at the end of it.Â
A Santa hat perched jauntily on his cock.
You shut your mouth and swallow thickly, already feeling that familiar ache at the apex of your thighs, and you clench around emptiness, a stream of his seed dribbling out of your overstuffed cunt and further soiling his bedding.Â
âBut it ainât a Merry one till you give Santa's big sack a few kisses.â
#non i hope this was freaky enough#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller fic#joel miller one shot#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfiction#dbf!joel#dbf!joel x reader#dbf!joel smut#the last of us fanfiction#tlou fic#tw daddy kink#noelle's workshop
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come back | r.c
summary: you and rafe get into a fight on a night out, when youâre left to find your own way home, you find yourself in a bad position
warnings: drinking, creepy men, i think thatâs about it
wc: 2k
a/n: my first official rafe fic!!! thank you so much to the person who sent in this request, iâm a little rusty but had so much fun writing this! pls send more :) enjoy
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You let out a loud laugh as JJ continued to tell you one of the most ridiculous stories youâve ever heard. Between fits of laughter, you took small sips from your red solo cup. You were starting to feel tipsy, the alcohol coursing through you. It made everything funnier, and you found yourself leaning in towards JJ, unable to control your laughter. You clutched your stomach as he laughed along with you, his own laughter triggered by how much you were laughing. It was always an endless cycle with JJ, when one of you started to laugh, it was over.
âIâm gonna go get another drink,â you hiccuped, as you stared down at the empty cup in your hand.
JJ patted your leg and nodded at you before you stood up, making your way over to the table where the drinks were. The room spun slightly around you as you clumsily poured yourself another drink. You were mixing it yourself, and chuckled at how heavy handed your pour was. You tilted your head back as you took a sip, nodding to yourself in approval.
As you turned around to head back to the couch you were sitting on, you bumped into a familiar chest. You looked up at your boyfriend, smiling drunkenly at him.
âHey! There you are!â you cheered, leaning your head on Rafeâs chest as you inhaled his familiar scent.
âTook you long enough,â he scoffed, stepping to the side and approaching the same table you were just walking away from.
âWhat does that mean?â you asked, furrowing your brows as you took another sip.
âIt means you should probably lay off the liquor and maybe donât hang all over JJ like an idiot,â he retorted, his eyes glued to the table in front of him.
You thought it was hypocritical, him telling you to stop drinking as he poured himself another rum and coke. He drank as much as he wanted, whenever he wanted and you never said a word to him about it. JJ had been your friend since childhood, your family taking him in when he had no one else. You grew up together. Your friendship would always be special.
âYou should lay off the liquor,â you muttered under your breath as you walked away from him, going back towards JJ.
âRunning back to him?â Rafe called out to you.
You turned around, seeing his bright blue eyes darken as he looked at you. His jaw twitched as he clenched it. You knew he was biting his tongue. Holding himself back from saying something he would really regret.
âYou know what Rafe? Youâre childish. JJ is my friend, and you know it. Maybe you should stop drinking and you wouldnât be so fucking delusional,â you bit back.
Rafe rolled his eyes and you walked back over to JJ, plopping on the couch beside him again. He looked concerned as he asked you if everything was okay. You assured him you were perfect, and tapped your cup against his as a cheers.
You ignored Rafe as you saw him walk passed you, not even sparing you a glance. You knew you upset him, and that he was bothered. For once, you didnât care enough to do anything until you got home. You didnât want to cause a scene, and more importantly, wanted to have fun with your friends.
After a few rounds of pong with John B, Pope, JJ, and Kie, the alcohol was really getting to your head. You realized you hadnât seen Rafe since your argument, anXd thought maybe you should look for him.
âIâm gonna get some air and look for Rafe,â you said to your friends, voice raised to be heard over the music. They nodded at you before setting up for another game.
You weaved through drunk, sweaty bodies before stepping outside. You breathed in the fresh air, closing your eyes as everything spun.
âYou should lay off the liquor,â you muttered to yourself as you stumbled down the front steps.
You assumed Rafe would be outside. He usually stepped out for air when things were tense between you. He used it as a way to calm down. You were surprised when you didnât find him.
You glanced down the street full of parked cars. You couldnât spot Rafeâs truck. Did he leave? Would he? You felt tears springing to your eyes, suddenly feeling guilty for what you said to him. You pulled out your phone, calling him. It rang and rang, but eventually left you on voicemail. You shot him a quick text before sitting on the steps, spinning head in your hands.
âHeyâŠâ you heard an unfamiliar voice behind you.
You looked over your shoulder to see someone you didnât recognize. Obviously a kook, based on the polo shirt and khaki pants he had on. You had never seen him at one of these parties before. Or maybe, you just never recognized him.
âHey,â you muttered, pulling out your phone to see if Rafe answered.
âLost your boyfriend?â he asked, sitting down comfortably beside you. You felt yourself slide over, wanting distance from him.
âNo,â you shook your head. âJust waiting for him.â
âDonât think heâs coming back, sweetheart. I saw him get in his truck,â he chuckled. âI could drive you home though.â
âIâm good,â you answered shortly.
You stood up, taking a second to regain your balance. You had to go home. To find Rafe. You realized you didnât have the keys to your place. Rafe had them. You came together and were going to leave together. You guessed youâd just knock until he answered once you got there.
You knew you should tell your friends you were leaving, but in a drunken haze you were too focused to go back inside. Youâd just text them later.
The boy on the stairs was in a conversation with a clone of himself, so you started walking. The cool evening hair sent a slight chill down your spine, your shoulders exposed. You tried to walk as quickly as possible without falling.
When you heard footsteps behind you, you reluctantly decided to look behind you. You were surprised to find the boy from the stairs and his friend walking a few paces behind you.
You felt your heartbeat pick up a bit, your hand clutching your phone tightly, willing Rafe to call. You took a turn, and realized they were not too far behind you. Enough distance to try to make it seem like they werenât following you, but you knew.
You decided youâd take the short cut. You had to go through the woods, but it wasnât too far. The boys behind you wouldnât know the path, even if they saw you turn off. Youâd just run, you thought to yourself.
As you dashed quickly into the woods, your breath was loud in your ears. You were trying not to panic. You would be fine. You heard the footsteps behind you, branches cracking under their feet as their pace picked up. Youâd run as far as you could.
Eventually, you slowed down, catching your breath. You squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to listen for the boys following you. Your heart beat hard in your ears as you took deep breaths. You didnât hear them anymore. You were in the clear.
You pulled your phone out of your pocket and flashed the light, realizing you had no idea where you ended up. You were surrounded by trees, no path in sight.
âFuck,â you whispered.
You started walking where you thought you had come from, hoping to end up back on the path. Youâd tripped over something, landing harshly on the hard ground. You hissed in pain as tears started filling your eyes.
You dialled JJ, thinking maybe you had a better chance of reaching him. No answer. You tried Rafe again, and again, and again.
The third time, he picked up. His voice choppy on the other line because of the bad service.
âRafe?â you cried, overjoyed that he answered. âI need help I-I was walking home and I cut through the woods to get home but Iâm lost.â
âY/N?â Rafe answered. âWhere are you?â
âThe woods, I-I donât know where exactly. Please help me, baby,â you cried.
You couldnât hear his reply as the call dropped. You cursed under your breath again as you began to cry. You didnât even know if Rafe heard you. You felt yourself starting to crash, the adrenaline wearing off and the effects of the alcohol hitting you all at once. You felt your eyes flutter shut, and succumbed to the exhaustion.
You eyes opened again to a faint sound in the distance. You sat up, disoriented, your head pounding behind your eyes. You winced as you tried to figure out how much time had passed.
You heard a voice in the distance, and as it approached you realize they were calling your name.
Rafe.
He came.
âRafe!â you screamed as loud as you could, trying to signal to him where you were.
You heard his footsteps pick up as they got closer, and you kept calling out. Eventually he was in front of you, crouch down as his hands cradled your face.
âBaby, oh my god,â he breathed. âIâve been looking for you, are you okay?â
âIâm sorry I acted like a bitch,â you cried, falling into his chest. âI shouldnât have talked to you like that.â
âShhh I shouldnât have left you there. I was a fucking asshole. Iâm so sorry. What if something happened to you?â he rambled, holding you close.
âThese guys were following me so I cut through the woods. I tried to get away,â you breathed. âI didnât know what else to do.â
âWhat? Who?â he asked angrily.
âDoesnât matter,â you sighed. âI just wanna go home.â
*
Rafe brought you inside and into the bathroom, turning the light on.
âYouâre hurt,â he whispered. There was a cut down your leg, bleeding from when you tripped. You were covered in dirt, leaves, and branches.
âIt doesnât hurt,â you told him.
âFuck,â he breathed. âIâm so sorry baby, I canât say it enough.â
He turned the shower on, the steam starting to fill the room. He helped you gently peel off your clothes and step in, where he joined behind you. He rinsed off all the dirt and blood, and gently massaged your head with shampoo to wash out the dirt. You began uncontrollably sobbing as the warm water fell down your body, and you were so worn out you didnât even know why anymore.
Rafe dressed you into your favorite pyjamas and brought you to bed, tucking you in gently. All while whispering that you were okay, that he was sorry, and that he loved you. He set down a glass of water beside you, urging you to drink it.
âDo you need anything? Are you hungry? Cold?â he asked.
You shook your head, reaching your arms out to him. He fell on the bed beside you as you lay on his chest, his heart beat faster than normal.
âItâs okay, baby,â you whispered to him, your eyes beginning to close. âIâm okay.
âI donât know how I can forgive myself,â he said. âWhat if those guys..â he stopped himself before continuing. He didnât want to voice what he was thinking. It was unimaginable.
âI shouldnât have ignored you, or walked away when you were clearly upset. It was stupid,â you muttered.
âIt doesnât matter,â he whispered. âI was just being jealous and stupid. I overreacted.â
âAs always,â you chuckled, making the corners of his mouth turn up.
He watched as your eyes began closing, your previously stressed out facial expression smoothing out.
âJust rest, baby,â he cooed as he rubbed his hand along your back. âI wonât leave you again.â
You finally gave in to your exhaustion, just happy to be safe and warm in Rafeâs arms. You didnât care about the fight anymore, or anything that happened. All that mattered was you were safe. You were okay.
He came back. He would always come back.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron imagine#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x reader#rafe Cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#jj maybank#obx#obx imagine#outer banks#rafe outer banks
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GOT MILK? | TOJI FUSHIGURO.
đČ àŁȘââĄđ â synopsis. what happens when you invite an unexpected guest into your home? lucky for you, this one cares about your health!
đČ àŁȘââĄđ â cw. fem!reader / milkman!toji, smut, cliche porn trope, size kink, coercion, food play, a bit prey/predator dynamics, 1950s-esque setting, tojiâs huge, unprotected âlove-makingâ, mdni <3.
đČ àŁȘââĄđ â word count. 3.3k
đČ àŁȘââĄđ â dolled up! itâs been a while, hasnât it? iâm so so sorry iâve been away from writing :( but trust me, weâre so back !! this is actually my first full length toji fic n iâm so excited 4 you all to read it . . i wanted to keep it light and cliche for all of our pleasure. this took me about two months to write on n off, but !! if you like this n enjoy it, please comment / reblog ! iâll make you all a glass of seraphâs special milk, thank u ⥠a big shoutout 2 @gh4ul for beta reading ! i love u so muchie!!
fluorescent shimmers of the setting sun pierced through your living room window, beyond pastel curtains, and onto the curvature of your face as if the sun itself used you like its own canvas while you lounged upon the couch. soft murmurs of whichever television show you had fallen asleep watching hummed within the four thin walls of your flat, creating the perfect ambiance for a peaceful late afternoon nap.
it wasnât as though you had done much during the day, aside from indulging in your boredom with the mundane baking of cookies, taking two batches to get right, alongside tidying your room.
although currently, you slept soundly in a way that came off as daunting to others; torso clad in a thin tank top paired with little pink shorts that couldâve been mistaken for underwear by any onlooker, with your hand rested just below your abdomen, chest rising and falling in the most harmonious synchronicity.
vulnerable, like prey unknowing of its predator.
fortunately, the neighborhood you resided in was safe. some sweet suburban city where everyone knew each other more than they knew themselves, and the thought of anything being remotely out of place sent residents into a frenzy. it was innocuous to assume that not much out of the ordinary took place. or that was the case, until â
knock, knock.
âdelivery for y/n?â
stirring in your sleep, you prayed that the owner of the baritone voice that had woken you up was just some figment of your imagination, some effect of unintended lucid dreaming perhaps. yet, upon blinking open unfocused, bleary eyes, and the loud couplet of knocks on the door following soon after, you were pulled out of dreamland and into the vexing reality.
three more firm knocks paired with a gruff tone calling out flatly, âdelivery,â was enough to have your body sashaying involuntarily to your front door.
whoever was outside was insinstently persistent. if they had thought to put even an ounce more strength into those compact knocks, your door would have been long gone by now.
âcoming!â the dulcet tone of your voice was riddled with exhaustion and you were unsure if the sound had resonated with the stranger on the other end, your internal query being answered once the relentless abuse of your front door had ceased.
you had ignored the fabric of your meager top, not quite noticing the way the strap so slightly dropped from your shoulder, leaving such a beautiful expanse of skin exposed to, and for, anyone. swiftly, you had opened the door for your unexpected visitor.
there, stood some dark haired man, taller and bigger than any other man youâve known in the neighborhood. he must have had to be over 6â0, with a stature so broad, chiseling muscles barely hidden underneath the thin fabric of his uniform. his white hat tilted upward, and as your eyes descended, you caught his matching suit worn just a bit too taut. it was as if the first two buttons of his shirt were hanging on for dear life to cover what massive mounds his chest was. not to mention, how his thighs were close to breaking free from their confines.
to the right of the struggling buttons, sat a little pin that read âtoji.â
he didnât put any effort into a friendly introduction, the only hint of expression you could trace was the furrowing of his brows at his forehead as he gave you an unreadable stare.
âwas told to drop this off here.â toji spoke. he held out a small wired basket with two glass jars of white liquid, seeming to be milk. maybe it had been your fuzzy, half-awake mind, and what little thoughts were up there, but you couldnât recall a time where you had placed an order for some strange fluid.
was it a thing the neighborhood would do every once in a while?
as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and gave the handsome stranger a soft pout, you spoke airily. âwhatâs in the jar, sir?â
his demeanor shifted into pure displeasure, not fancying the query your hollow brain came up with. it remained undoubtedly clear that he wasnât the most amiable of folks.
âitâs milk, darling.â
âi didnât order any milk, sorry.â that same pout remained on your lips as you shook your head for the milkman to end a seemingly quick conversation, but just as you were about to close the door back, the pressure of his strong hand against the wood made your attempt futile.
to your surprise, a miniscule smirk was evident on his scarred features. âno?â his narrowed eyes drank you in from the bottom up as if you were lemonade on a scorching summerâs day. those same eyes skillfully darting from the spill of your breasts in your little top, up to your pretty pursed lips and doe-like orbs.
anyone could tell from a mile away what type of girl you were â the type that toji devilishly enjoys.
it wasnât often he was presented with a doll such as yourself. sure, he could pick the mind of others increasingly well, could tell just when someone was planning to set him up (like some sort of off-duty criminal) but with you, it was as though not a thought could be lodged behind vacant eyes. everything about you was pure, untainted.
he stepped closer toward you, his foot conveniently placed between the barrier between your home and the outside. âtry it for yourself. itâs fresh, and organic.â as he spoke, the glint in his deep gray eyes had overturned into a sly darkness. and when you shook your head at his advance, he only scoffed, peering in closer until he fully stepped foot into your abode.
âoh, câmon,â vexation laced his tone. âdonât make my job harder than it already is.â
his hauntingly large frame eclipsed yours, the sun casting a backlit shadow behind his silhouette, like something out of a 50âs horror film. at that moment, you were in no position to deny his simple request.
it was just milk, perhaps he wanted an honest review.
your eyes met his, and you swallowed thickly as you hoped that courage would fill the void in the pit of your stomach. âhow much for a glass?â softly, your question floated in tense air. a smirk upticks on his face as he reaches into the basket, holding up the larger jar of the two settled in the basket.
âfor you, itâs free of charge.â
maybe you shouldâve questioned the insubstantial value, for nothing in this economy was truly ever free.
you take the bottle from him, popping open the lid and taking a sip. the unnerving feeling of greedy eyes caused goosebumps to form over your skin. the liquid certainly had a thicker texture to it, possibly an ode to its organic nature; and as you sipped and sipped, you failed to notice the drippage that rolled amply down the side of your mouth to your chest. toji, however, caught sight of it â because, of course he did.
after you had your sample size, you took a manicured thumb to glossy lips, wiping your bottom lip to collect the remnants before taking your tongue to your thumb to lick up the remains.
in that moment, you reminded him of a kitten, some meek animal vastly trusting of the others in its environment.
his smirk grew wider and he closed the door behind him as he stepped closer, now merely a few inches away from your figure. âoh, but miss,â his voice full with anything but a genuine concern for you, he traced his finger along the trail of milk that lingered at your chest. âyou missed a spot.â
his sudden touch startled you in such a way that shifted your body to jolt once you felt his cool fingertips. that same motion forced you to completely forget about the open jar in your hand, accidentally spilling an even larger amount of milk all over yourself in the process.
drenched in the liquid, your top became practically see-through with only the sight of your pert nipples showing underneath. it's candy for the eye, tojiâs at least.
âyou gonna keep that on, princess? youâll catch a cold.â his voice feigns concernment towards you, as if he pitied the pathetic state he put upon you. in that moment, sheepishness clouds your empty head, and if you could cower away, you would; but instead, you took him up on his suggestion, turning your back to him and doing away with the thin barrier.
âgimme a minute to change.â you shyly said as you looked back at him with a hand barely covering your chest.
how cute you were, so willing to invite a stranger into your home and even strip for him â were you always this welcoming?
before you could scuttle to your room, you felt a firm grip on your arm. toji, now clearly having fun with you, had given you a menacing smirk along with a tsk of his tongue. âyouâre still all wet,â he turned you back around to face him in one swift motion. âlet me clean you off.â his hand slowly trailed up your arm and to the swell of your breasts where he cupped one in his large, calloused palm. the feeling of his rough fingertips over your bare skin caused you to break out in a shudder. âs-sir, i donât think..â
he shushed you the moment his thumb rolled over your hard nipple, milk still dripping down your skin. with one hand, he pulled you in tight by your waist, and with the other, he aided himself in wrapping his lips around your nipple. you could only describe his touch as hungry, rough as if the opportunity to take advantage of your vulnerability would slip away into thin air. he locked steel grey eyes with you as he did so. once he got his fill of toying with your sensitive mounds, he switched his sucking motions into little bites.
his deep groans and your soft whines filled the space instantaneously. heâd rotate from one breast to the other until he felt you growing weak in his hold, the squeeze of your thighs telling him everything he needed to know about your desire. and when he felt satisfied with the level at which he teased you, he unlatched.
it felt as if all air had rushed out of your system from the raspy whines you had let out during his ministrations. you took a moment to catch your breath and regain composure as he stood up tall to his original position.
oddly enough, comfortability grew within you, possibly the adrenaline of a handsome stranger feeding your mind with illicit thoughts. âam i all clean now?â your voice comes out shaky, feeble with lust, and as your eyes scanned his formidable appearance, down to the bulge that left his sheer size to anything but the imagination, you grew greedier.
âsqueaky fucking clean.â his response comes off as a growl. âhow about some real milk as a reward, sweetheart?â
you tilted your head, as a confused puppy would, looking up at him with spacey eyes. âreal milk? i thought i was just drinking it?â he smiled at your perplexity, finding you too cute to let go. âthat milk,â he pointed at the bottle you set on the counter beside you. âisnât as organic as it claims. you need the real thing in ya.â
toji fumbles with his belt buckle, unfastening it until he could comfortably whip his cock out. you had never seen something so large, so girthy that it instilled a blend of fear and excitement within you. âon your knees, pretty thing.â he demanded. âgotta make sure my girl grows big and strong.â
you complied, obviously. when someone as sturdy as him tells you to do something, itâs only natural that you do it.
with your weight now rested on your knees, your job was easy. you wrapped a feeble hand around the base of his cock, mouth agape in bewilderment that he could barely fit in the cusp of your hand. toji let out a hiss under his breath once your hand began to diligently slide up and down his shaft. slick dribbled into the rapture of your enclosed fist from just how turned on he was. as you continued to teasingly pump him, your tongue darted to place gentle kitten licks paired with tender kisses to his angry tip. âyouâre real confident now, arenât ya?â he goads, though not necessarily in a mirthful manner.
a soft pout forms at your lips upon hearing his words, urging you to increase your pace by a minuscule amount. once you had gotten familiar with the monster in your palm, you wrapped your lips around the head, slowly inching yourself down his shaft until your nose met the unruly hairs of his pelvis. he was heavy in your jaw, a telltale sign that youâd end up with a strong ache thatâd take days to soothe; and the throb of his length only led to the gush in your panties.
as you began to bob your head, toji threw his head back, large hands gripping at your jaw to keep you nice and puckered for him. the sensation of his plush tip bullying the back of your throat causes you to moan, a sound, and a feeling, that toji doesn't miss. you pick up your rhythm, but shortly after, toji starts up his; slamming his cock into your unexpecting mouth with no remorse.
rough ministrations urged you to gag until you came to ignore the feeling and focus on his pleasure, innocent and teary eyes showing through a wall of thick lashes up at him. what a cocky bastard.
âcâmon, you can take more, canât ya?â he goads, his vocables resonating in a choppy cadence underneath the guise of his groans. âdontcha want milk?â
the mix of saliva and his precum trailed from your mouth as his heavy balls slammed against your chin. you took notice of how his vigorous pace faltered, signally an orgasm just seconds away.
one thrust. two thrust. three.
heâd managed to hold your face to his pelvis as he fucked through his orgasm, a deep groan bellowing through the air while he painted your throat in his seed.
what a liar. he didnât taste anything like milk.
slowly, he pulls away and spurts the last few drops of cum onto your swollen lips, where he took much needed amusement in your starry eyed gaze.
your heavy pants were like music to his ears, something he wished he could etch into his memory for years to come.
âitâs all messy.â you mewled, licking at the seed that dripped to your lips. his hands were glacial as you felt them on your face while he leaned down to be eye level with you. âoh, i know. lemme take care of that.â he swiped his tongue against your bottom lip, drinking in his own orgasm before taking you into a heated kiss.
it was a brief moment, so brief you were too lightheaded to even realize how he manhandled you into the perfect position â bent over to touch your toes.
he pulled away, roughly tugging at your little shorts until they pooled at your ankles. you felt him slide his cock over your panties just before pushing them to the side to line it up with your slit.
all toji wanted to do in that moment was slide right in, but he knew he couldnât. you just werenât wet enough to handle all of him. and besides, he definitely didnât want to deal with a whining princess suggesting that it âdoesnât fit.â
instead, he slid his sensitive cock between your folds. âgotta get you nice ând ready,â he spoke while reveling in the way that his tip catched at your poor, neglected clit. âfeel flattered, i donât do this for everybody.â
each slide jolted your body as the slightest tinge of pleasure coursed within you. it wasnât enough to get you feeling close, no, but it was ample in gushing more slick from your hole.
ât-toji, sir, please..â you had let out a soft, vexed sigh at the lack of feeling, wiggling your hips to create friction in any type of way.
it reigned pointless, as most things did with toji. he was too busy focused on the sheen covering his cock from just toying with your angelcunt that whatever nonsense you were spouting was irrelevant to him. he continued his motions until the tightening of your core and fluttering of your pussy told him everything he needed to know.
satisfied with the level at which he teased you, he halted. just before you could fucking cum. you let out a frustrated whine that didnât mean much to him, agitated by the loss of sensation.
in mere moments, he was pushing himself past your walls, stretching you out while your little cunt struggled to accommodate his size. âw-what if it doesnât fit..?â you managed to babble out in your pathetic state.
oh, if your nosy neighbors knew that sweet little princess down the street was getting her cunt stretched out by the milkman, they would have a conniption.
toji smirked at your concern, ultimately brushing you off while continuing to urge himself even deeper. âletâs just make it fit then.â
the feeling of being stuffed full was unlike anything youâd experienced in the past. your past partners werenât much to moan at, but toji? he had you grasping at any surface to give you leverage. as soon as he bottomed out, you could feel the tip rubbing so deliciously against the hollow of your cervix, the tinge of pain going unnoticed from how riddled with desire you were for him. with confirmation that he was fully inside, toji began to set a rough pace, strokes deep and firm enough to have you jolting forward with every thrust.
you scrambled to hold onto anything for dear life, afraid that your knees would grow weak and give out underneath your own weight. though, he kept his hands taut at your hips, only speeding up his potent thrusts to taunt you even more for your lack of stability.
fucked dumb within the first few seconds, drool dribbled past your lip, your eyes rolled into the back of your skull as you tried to take everything you were given.
with the intense way your walls were hugging around his cock, he couldnât help but let out something of a deep, guttural groan. you had reached behind you to press a feeble hand to his abdomen, hoping it would ease his ministrations, yet your adorable action only caused the opposite.
he took your wrists in his one hand, pulling you up to hit deeper within your walls. âfuck! âs too d-deep!â you cried out, that familiar coil of pleasure tightening within your being, and to your dismay, he only held you closer against his chest, other hand gripping at your jaw while his cock milked your gspot for all itâs worth.
âtoo deep? this too deep for ya?â toji taunts. âi thought you knew how to take dick, you sure looked like it.â
his grip at your face only tighten an ounce more as he waited for whatever nonsense you could muster out.
âi-i can..! i cân take it!â
only seconds later did your high come crashing down, sending your body into a flutter of shocks. a sensation so perfervid, it had your mind hazy while you creamed all over his cock.
following suit, in a bout of thrusts, toji was painting your insides with his warm wet seed, only pulling out once he felt you go limp in his hold.
âdonât tap out on me now, you havenât even paid for the milk.â
#đšđ”đźđŹđłđ©đčđšđ» đŸđčđ°đ»đŹđș âjujutsu kaisen.#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen#jjk toji#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#toji smut#toji fushiguro smut#toji x reader#toji x reader smut#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro x reader smut#toji x you#toji fushiguro x you#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji jujutsu kaisen#toji jjk#toji fanfic#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jujustu kaisen x you#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x reader smut
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camgirl!reader x sevika
tw. reader and sevika are live, regular au (?? i have no idea how to word it đ) masturbation (reader), strap on, fingering, cunnilingus (giving and receiving), sevika puts you in a headlock, squirting, overstim, sucking the strap
while in college you get a little bored of your mundane life, and with some free time during the night and also in need of some more money you start an only fans account. after growing quite a following you decide to do a raffle to stream with one of your fans to make things more interesting.
a/n: this took so long holy moly. i hope yâall liked this because this is one of my first times writing a full fic <3 like and reblog if ur a real sevika truther :D
with your tripod and camera on your bed infront of you, you moan, âmmmf⊠im so close,â you arch your back off the bed as you press the vibrator harder onto your clit. you spread your legs wider, giving a show to the camera. âfuck- oh my god,â your hips start bucking and you throw your head back, you moan and cry as your orgasm hits you, the painful feeling of overstimulation comes quickly but you keep the vibrator on your pussy and your whole body trembles through your orgasm. panting like a dog, you finally turn off the vibrator and place it to the side.
you lift your shaky body and sit on your knees in front of the camera, putting your hands in your lap to squeeze your breast together. you start to announce the little idea you had. messages are spammed in the chat, asking for you to chose them, that theyâll even send money for you to choose them, and asking about what you mean by this. you only giggle and say, âitâs just a thought you pervs, i thought it might be fun to chose one of you randomly and see if youâd be interested in streaming with me.â
the chat dies down on the questions and you say a few more words to say goodbye, before ending the stream by blowing them a kiss.
after hopping in the shower and getting yourself clean, you change into some comfy pajamas before making a post on your page.
âhi to all my fans! iâm so glad you guys were interested in my proposal, if your in the area dm me for a chance to stream with me ;), i canât wait!â after pressing send you turn your phone off and head to bed, hoping that hopefully this wonât be a mistake, and that whoever you chose isnât entirely horrendous looking.
the next day you check your phone, a couple hundred dmâs are in your inbox. most being people from far away asking if they can fly out but you stick to your word, you find one from an account who sent their address. âletâs see what this person has to offerâ you think to yourself. you text back and forth before ultimately asking for a photo of them holding some id next to them so you know theyâre not lying about their identity.
a while passed before the account responds, there was no indication about who this person might be so your surprised to see a woman, another notifications sends and itâs a photo of her id attached. you look closer at it, her names sevika, sheâs quite a bit older than you, but that didnât bother you. you ponder for a bit, youâve never had sex with a woman, but was not opposed to the idea. but yes, even thought the photo of herself is a bit awkward, even reminding you of a parents facebook photo which makes you laugh to yourself a bit, she is very attractive. and from what you can see she seems quite muscular.
âalrightâ, and you send her an address of a restaurant near both of your homes and tell her to meet you there tomorrow and 4pm.
the next day, you put on a simple going out outfit, nothing to make it obvious your meeting a stranger to fuck her, then head out the door. as you walk to the restaurant you feel butterflies, obviously you had only even been with men, but she was, well, very sexy you thought. the idea excited you but also made you nervous.
as you sat at a table and tell the waitress your waiting for somone, another walks into the restaurant. you miss her face but her hair is tied half up and itâs short, a few inches above her shoulder. sheâs also is very tall. you gulp, from what you remember that looks like her. she scans the restaurant before you make eye contact. she walks over to you and sits across from you.
âyou must be sevika,â you smile, feeling more nervous than you expected to be. when she responds her voice is deep and smooth, her words are almost seductive. compared to your messages and how she talks to you she seems much more ready and nonchalant about this whole situation in real life. everything about her attracts you, âso did you have any ideas of when youâd like to.. ahemâ you try to keep your voice down so no one hears and gets any ideas, â..streamâ.
sevika is lazily leaning back in her char, legs nudged open a bit. she leans over the table, resting her arms on it, âiâm ready whenever you are.â you have no idea if she meant to make you flustered, or tried to make it sound sexy but her words melt you brain almost. you stand quickly and grab her arm, âletâs do it today, letâs do it now!â you squeal out before your dragging her out of the restaurant.
sevika had driven so she directs you to her car, you drive to your house and you walk up the stair together after she grabs a bag out of the back of her car. your whole body is warm and fuzzy with excitement. âi usually wear some lingerie when i start, as you probably know. would you like some or do you want to start naked?â you ask, grabbing a matching to set to change into.
ânaked.â she responds, she watches as you walk to the bathroom to change. you throw a robe out of the bathroom so she can cover herself before you start. you come out in your set, wearing a robe as well. she sits on your bed watching, âlet me set up the camera and then we can begin. did you have anything in mind on what we want to do, what we want to follow?â
âi have ideas for later, but letâs not worry about that now.â
you begin the stream, sevika sits naked on your bed, and you take the robe off infront of the camera. sevika places a hand on your hip guiding you to her lap before you crawl over her. each touch feels like sparks, your already soaked and anticipating whatâs gonna happen. you grab eachother and start kissing, her tongue runs over your lip and your lips crash against each other. you sit down on her lap and slowly move your hips over her muscular thighs, you moan into her mouth. âthatâs a good girl,â she praises, before continuing to kiss you.
she grabs your hips roughly, helping them move back and forth, you arch and moan for her. your chat is going crazy, some even shocked that itâs another woman. she stops your grinding and lifts your hips up a bit before dragging her thick finger up and down your slit. both of you seem like you forgot that your streaming and just enjoy each others bodies. she rubs your clit in circles, making your toes curl. she takes you from on top of her and flips you to face the camera, spreading your legs, the exposing position making you even wetter. she slides your panties to the side so the camera can see your wet cunny, she starts rubbing circles on your clit makes you throw your head back.
she chuckles at you, âdonât make me hold you head up. already so sensitive, huh?â her mocking words make you moan once more, she begins teasing your hole before nudging her index and middle finger into you. her fingers are so thick and long, your already seeing stars, âfuck! yes! right there sevika, oh my god-â you scream out as she adds her ring finger inside. your juices leak all over her lap and hand. your head leans against her and you mewl into her ear, begging to cum. as you finally start to reach your orgasm she pulls out her fingers and slaps your pussy.
âfuck!â you cry out as your body reacts to your ruined orgasm, sevika chuckles. you breathe heavily as sevika manhandles your basically limp body, laying it on the bed, she starts pulling down your panties and the slick dripping between your legs is more visible than ever. you arch your back slightly off the bed and she unclips your bra, she stops what sheâs doing and stares at them. you giggle and canât tell if itâs from embarrassment or because of her expression, like sheâs almost captivated. your breasts fall from the bra and lay prettily on display, which sevika quickly takes advantage of and begins to suck at on of your nipples and knead the other. you let at small moans while kisses litter your tits.
she lifts her head up and smirks âare you ready?â she asks, with having no idea what sheâs talking about, you eagerly nod. she begins moving her body over yours and places her bare pussy on your face, letting down all her weight, then spreading your legs and burrying her face in your own cunt. your almost shocked by this, she starts teasing the tip of her tongue on your clit, before diving it into your hole, tongue fucking you and hitting all the good spots in your pussy. you moan against her cunt and try to copy her actions. you suck her clit and lap your tongue up and down her pussy, you squeeze around her tongue in response to her moaning. itâs low and vibrates through your whole body. itâs not long before you cum because of the previous teasing she had done earlier. you squeeze your legs around her head and buck up, trying to keep up the pace with how your lapping her pussy, but inevitably struggle from how your body is shaking against her face.
sevika places one last sloppy kiss to your clit then raises herself, and grinds against your face until she orgasms, gripping onto your hair. the moans she lets out makes your pussy ache.
while coming down form your high you lay next to each other panting, forgetting about the stream itself. âyou okay, baby?â sevika asks, places kisses on your neck. âmhm,â you mumble, relaxing into the bed as she kisses you. âwell, i think itâs time for what i had planned for earlierâ, she gets up and disappears off camera. across the room she pulls something out of her bag that she had grabbed earlier. she begins to attach something to her hips, and before you know it sheâs standing over you with a strap on.
itâs so thick and long, you gulp. not even with any men had you had to take something for big. âi know your wet enough but, i donât think this isâ sevika lets out a sly smile. her height already towers over you, so even standing and you sitting in the bed has you face to face with it. âsuck it.â she orders and obediently you do. you place your hands around it, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes, and slowly thrust your mouth down onto it. she stares down at you and bites her lip. you bob your head up and down, slowly reaching down with each thrust, your throat adjusts around it and you gag against it and sevika laughs. she places one hand on your head to tug at your hair. once you finally reach down the base she holds your head down. the length makes your eyes tear up as you gag even more.
she pulls your hair back until your off of it and pushes you down to the bed. still grasping your hair she puts your face down into the pillows and keeps your ass up before crawling over you. she has your face infront of the camera and wraps her arm around you. her thick biceps flex as she grabs the strap to line it up at your cunt. she wastes no time pushing it in, when she bottoms out your eyes roll back and without even moving it feels almost heavenly. she starts thrusting slowly before they become almost rapid, her arm squeezes around your throat even more and you moan and gasp. âtaking it like such a good little slut,â she purred. you let out a messy smile and your moans just couldnât stop coming out. they way it felt against your g-spot and pounded into you made your toes curl.
âse-sevika!â you drooled, âiâm gonna cum, please! hah, keep going!â you screamed, sevika took no time and started pounding into you more, her free arm rubbing your clit, fast circles against the puffy aching bud. your body shook and your eyes rolled back into your head, sevika thought they might never go back. you cried out before you finally squirted all over yourself and the bed, the liquid covering your stomach, the sheets and sevikas hand. âholy shitâ sevika gasped at the reaction to your orgasm. your whole body was stiff and shaking, your mouth tried to let out moans but nothing came out as your eyes rolled back as hard as they could. your body went limp onto the bed, sevika pulled out of you, a line of slick breaking as the contact broke. you whined at the sudden emptiness.
she grabs the camera and faces it towards you, she spreads your weak legs showing the amount of cum that had leaked from your hole and everything that had dripped onto the sheets and between your thighs. âtook it like the good slut she is,â she grabbed a handful of your ass and let out a laugh before she abruptly ended the stream.
she threw the camera onto the bed carelessly, then asked, âso, want to meet again next week?â
#sevika arcane smut#sevika smut#sevika arcane x reader#sevika arcane x you#sevika x reader#sevika x you#arcane x reader#arcane smut#sevika x y/n#sevika arcane x y/n#sevika arcane#x reader#arcane x you#arcane x y/n
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(Squid game s2) Can you write a comfort fic about an insecure reader has past trauma and has endured Highschool bullying. When she joins the games and is in the group (Gi-hun, Dae-ho, Jun-hee & others) but once they meet Jun-hee she gets pushed aside and has to join another group in the second game. Feel free to change or add anything, the pairing could be Daeho x reader but itâs up to you <33
Never alone again - Kang Dae-ho / Player 388
Pairing: Kang Dae-ho / Player 388 x Reader
Summary: After seeing you almost die, Dae-ho swore he wouldn't leave your side ever again.
Warnings: Mentions of death/dying, gunshots (typical squid game stuff), other than that it's just fluff, not proof read (english isn't my first language)
Word Count: ~ 1.2k
A/N: hii! tysm for the request and I hope I did it justice.
You believed Gi-hun from the start. You believed he was right, no sane person would just say stuff like that, right? That they kill each player who gets eliminated? He seemed too damn serious for it to be a lie. And lo and behold, he was right. People. Shot dead. Right in front of you. Red-Light-Green-Light was a traumatic experience. You wanted to quit, you wanted to go home, go home and hug your parents and just be grateful to still be alive.
It was like the universe had turned against you. How wasn't everyone scared out of their minds like you? Was money really all that mattered to them? A heated discussion broke out during the first voting, angry voices yelling at each other, accusing Gi-hun of lying. You took all the courage you had left in you to try and stand up for him, at least make it known that you sided with him. Past experiences, especially your school time, usually made it hard for you to speak up, but that shouldn't really be an issue right now â You could end up dead, that's what worried you. After the voting, that didn't go your way at all, Gi-hun showed gratitude for your courage to say something and suggested you'd stick with him from now on.
Added to your group were In-ho, the last player who actually voted 'O', Jung-bae and Dae-ho, who were both former marines. While eating the lunch provided to you by the guards, those two immediately bonded over their former occupation, which you found endearing. Even though you were currently still to shy to join in on their conversations, you were content with just having a group you could stick to â Because you were sure you absolutely wouldn't survive in here alone.
"And, what's your name?" Dae-ho asked, as hd took a seat on the stairs next to you, happily eating his food. When you told him he gasped, almost chocking in the process. "That's my sisters name!" he laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. You just replied with a little "Oh? No way." and then he began rambling about his life, about his four sisters, about how his father sent him to be a marine and so on. He closed his monologue saying "Anyway, that's a really pretty name." and then proceeded to ask you for your leftover food. He made you laugh, which was nice considering you all were stuck in this hellhole.
In Dae-ho's opinion, you two had a lot in common, even if you didn't at all. He suggested you slept in the bed right under his which was.. well, free now after the first game. At night, you couldn't help but overthink your interactions with not only him, but the other three guys, too. They were so nice and welcoming. All of them had a special attribute that will probably be useful in the coming few days.. and you? You had the feeling that you brought nothing to the table.
The next day, a vast majority of the players went into the second game with the impression that this will be Dalgona, like Gi-hun predicted. Apparently not. The female voice over the speakers ordered the players to form groups of five. "Ah, how perfect," In-ho smiled, "guess we'll be a group then." You looked between the men, nodding in agreement and just when you were about to say something-
"Excuse me, are you maybe searching for one more person-?"
"Oh, no I'm sorry, we're actually already five peo-"
"I'm pregnant."
The girl cut Jung-bae off, resting her hands on her pregnant belly. You raised your eyebrows in shock and no one really seemed to know what to do next. Oh, you felt bad for her. She must've been very desperate if she entered the games while being pregnant. You five were just looking at each other confused, until you took a deep breath: "It's okay, I'll find another group. She needs to be with people she can absolutely win with." You looked at the girl and she looked back, slowly giving you a grateful smile. "No it's okay I'll go-" Dae-ho tried to say, but you waved him off, shaking your head.
"Well.. No, you can't just.."
"Dae-ho," In-ho said in a low tone, putting a hand on his shoulder, "she's pregnant." he said, like Dae-ho needed a reminder of what was right in front of him. You weren't that important to the team anyways, and that girl needed your help. So, it was decided, and in the end you did find a team of three players who voted 'X', like you, and one who didn't. You felt fairly safe with these people and even if you didn't, you didn't have much of a choice.
The game was a six-legged pentathlon with five mini games you had to split between each team member to complete. Watching the first few teams go was an absolute adrenaline rush, given the small amount of time of five minutes, the first few players were shot on sight pretty early on. This made you nervous to the point where you could throw up. Your original group was sitting a few meters away from youd current one and you did lock eyes with Dae-ho quite a bit, him giving you reassuring glances or a thumbs up. You mustered up a smile, trying yo calm your thoughts down.
I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this-
Oh but you could. Your team, which came before Gi-hun's, barely made it over the finish line with three seconds to spare, making the crowd of waiting players roar and cheer and yell "Good job!". The most time you lost was at Gonggi, thankfully not your mini game. Being able to beat yours on the first try filled you with the confidence you needed, which was probably the only thing that kept you up on your feet. Speaking of which, the shackles, that bound your left leg together with the player next to you, were taken off of them and you were free to go. Well, back into the dorm area.
Anxiously, you sat on your bed and waited, for your team. Players streamed in, one after the other, just not the ones you were so desperate to see. You were biting your fingernails, your thoughts being flooded with the fear of them all just dying, being left alone to survive this shit.
Suddenly, you heard a voice call out for you. It was Dae-ho (who else?) who basically sprinted to you. Before you could even stand up to reciprocate his hug, he pulled you up into his arms, squeezing the air out if his lungs. "Do you know how scared I was?" he sounded really out of breath. You didn't reply, just hugged him back the best you could and watched Jung-bae laugh to himself, watching the two of you. "I'm so glad you're alive! I'll never let you do that again, okay? Next time, I'll be the one to find another group.. not you okay?" His word vomit just wouldn't stop.
"Let's hope there won't be a next time."
"Obviously there won't be, I won't ever let you leave again."
#squid game#squid game fanfic#squid game season 2#squid game x reader#squid games x reader#squid games#kang dae ho x reader#kang dae ho#dae ho#dae ho x reader#player 388 x reader#player 388
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I need a fic where pregnant reader feels so gross and unattractive but she doesnât realize Soobin is so down bad for pregnant her. Like he goes out of his way to show her just how turned on he is but nothing works, until one day he presses himself against her and it finally clicks for her and she gets the nastiest wetted sex of her life like heâs trying to get her pregnant again like ugh
⧌ đŒ ⧜ ââ GROWING PAINS ă
soobin needs you to know just how much he loves your new bodyă
â⥠pairing ăăchoi soobin x fem!reader ! genre ăăpure smut , fluff ! warning ăăminors do not interact! pregnant!reader , husband!soobin , pregnancy kink , lactation kink , breeding kink , dirty talk , praise kink , sub top!soobin , handjob (m.rec) , oral (f. rec) , mentions of unprotected sex
a/n ăănot proofread ! my first time writing pregnant!reader, so let me know if it sucks! also take a shot every time i use the word ânippleâ lol
⥠âžâž ê° 1.7k ê± â§ ê° m.list ê± â§ ê° reblogs and feedback appreciated! ê±
you had found a lot of solace in baking as of recentâ it was one of the few things you could still do this far along in your pregnancy, big belly and aching joints always getting in the way of everything else. you just couldnât stand the thought of laying around all day, wasting all of your maternity leave doing nothing except waiting for your husband to come home from work. you had to make yourself useful somehow.
you hear the front door open just as you slide your pie into the oven, the soft jingling of keys reaching your ears as your husband drops them in the trinket dish you keep in the hallway. before you can turn to greet him strong arms wrap themselves around your protruding belly, soobinâs tall frame hunched over to bury his face in your neck, plant sweet kisses to your skin.
âiâm home, bunny,â he mumbles against your collarbone, his trail of kisses slowly leading down your shoulder. âhow are my perfect girls doing?â
âhi honey, youâre home early,â you giggle, turning your head to give him a kiss; he hums against your lips, big hands rubbing your belly through the loose dress you wore. he was always extra touchy after getting home from work, but this was odd even for him. he must have had a bad day, you thought. ââm all sore ân tired; the twins woke me up from my nap and i couldnât go back to sleep so i decided to make dessert early so itâll be cooled down by tonight.â
âmm, youâre so good to me. iâm sorry the babies are bothering you, honey,â soobin replied, pressing his body flush against yours. âthe boss let me go early; i finished up that project he wanted done before the deadline, he said i needed to go home and help out my wife. go rest and iâll take care of you, iâve been thinking about you all day, babyâŠ.â
âoh, sweetie⊠well, i wouldnât mind a hand in cleaning up the kitchenââ you start, but stop dead in your tracksâ you can feel soobinâs cock against the swell of your ass, thick and heavy through his slacks. he rocks his hips up against you gently, an almost inaudible whimper falling from the bunny lips he buried in your hair.
âbinnie,â you whimper, arousal pooling in your belly despite your shock, âyouâre hard.â
ââm sorry, bunny,â he groans into your ear, deep and dripping with desire. it knocks the wind out of your lungs, makes you gasp against his lips when he leans in for another, filthier kiss. âyouâre just so sexy, iâve been needing you so bad⊠thinking about your beautiful body all day while trying to get my work done..â
you frown at the words âbeautiful bodyâ, squirming in your husbandâs grip. he notices in an instant, your sweet husband always so perceptive to how you were feeling; whining and pouting those plump bunny lips you adored. âi donât understand why youâre so self conscious⊠god, youâre so perfectâ this is the best youâve ever looked, you look so beautiful carrying my children, baby. it makes me so fucking crazy, you have no ideaâŠâ
âreally..?â you turn to look at him, and his eyes lock with yoursâ the raw hunger you find in his gaze is unlike anything you had ever seen before from your sweet, shy husband.
his hands caressed your tummy and hips, slid up your sides to cup your swollen, sensitive tits, bare underneath your dress. the gentlest squeeze was enough to get you to gasp and moan, your puffy nipples threatening to leak, soobin drinking up your reactions like he wishes to drink your milk. âlet me show you how much i love your body, pleaseâŠâ
âžâž
âbinnie, oh my god, slow down! youâre gonna make me cum again!â you wail, your hands shaking as they tug at the hem of your little dress. you couldnât see your husband over the swell of your belly, but you could feel his lips and tongue hot and heavy against your pussy, sliding up between your pussy lips to swirl around your clit. you were still recovering from the last orgasm he slurped out of you, your pussy drunk husband refusing to let up his onslaught of pleasure even as you cried, begged, and tugged at his hairâ far too soon was that dizzying pleasure building back up in your tummy, your thighs shaking in soobinâs grip as he pushed you further and further to the edge.
âfuck yes, do it, cum for me!â soobin moans with his mouth full, tongue dipping deep into your hole, big hands tightening their grip and tugging you impossibly closer. âcum on my face, baby, please! make a messâ!â
his desperation does you in; you cum again with a sharp cry, your overstimulated little pussy pulsating uncontrollably as soobin eagerly laps up every drop of your release. you soak your thighs, your dress, and the bed underneath youâ and, as soobin presses a kiss to your clit and pulls away from your slippery pussy to shoot you a silly, satisfied smile, you can see that youâve soaked the bottom half of his face as well. it drips from his chin as he crawls up over you, his eyes slowly trailing from your flushed face down to your quivering tits.
and just as he takes in the sight of your heaving chest, his eyes widen and his mouth drops agape. confused, you follow his gaze⊠and take in the sight of two identical wet patches seeping through your white dress, your puffy nipples visible and budding noticeably through the fabric.
you had leaked milk in the midst of your climax.
âoh god,â you whine shamefully, raising your hands to attempt to hide the mess. âiâm so sorry, donât lookââ
soobin grabs your wrists in a rush before you could cover yourself, big brown eyes still glued to your tits. âfuck, bunny..â he marvels, licking his lips, âdid i make you do that? thatâs so sexy, holy shitââ
âs-sexy?â you stammer, shocked at his reaction. soobin nods.
âcan i touch?â he asks in almost a whisper, eyes finally leaving your chest to blink up at you wantonly âplease let me touch you, please..â
a hesitant âokayâŠâ was all that he needed, instantly letting go of your wrists to tug down the top of your dress and take large handfuls of your breasts. more milk leaks out onto his fingers from the rough handling, making him groan deep in his chest as he marvels at the sight of the pearly white droplets cascading down the swell of your tits. your spent, sensitive pussy throbs at the sound, your husband sounding so unbelievably ruined and needy.
âso prettyâŠâ soobin mumbles, wet fingertips beginning to pinch and tweak at your embarrassingly hard nipples. âmy wifeâs so pretty with my babies in her belly. gonna be such a good mommy⊠god bunny, i want to keep you pregnant forever, all full of me, claimed by me, so everyone knows youâre mineâ!â
his fingers tighten harshly around your nipples, the pressure causing your milk to squirt out obscenely; soobin watches in awe, his eyes hazy and unfocused as he pants like a dog, kneads your sensitive swollen tits rougher and rougher. you fist the bedsheets and writhe under his touch, your high-pitched, broken gasps and moans reverberating off the walls of your shared bedroomâ briefly you have half the mind to pray that your neighbors arenât home.
soobin dips his head to nose along the contours of your breast, his hot breath tickling your skin; those spit-slick bunny lips just barely ghost your bud, a jolt of electricity shooting down your spine as his tongue sneaks out to lap the lingering milk off of your skin.
he looks up at you with watery eyes, smirk plastered on his lips at your pathetic whimper. âcan i.. can i have a taste?â he asks quietly, deep voice octaves lower than youâve ever heard it. âlet me taste youâŠplease, baby, i canât take it anymoreâŠâ
you nod desperately, throwing your head back against the pillows, and soobin shoots you a deadly smirk before sealing his lips around your nipple.
he lets out a deep moan as his mouth fills with milk, sucking with a voracious hunger; you cry out in pleasure, letting go of the sheets to grab desperately at his dark hair. you tug mindlessly at the strands as his suction deepens, soobin letting out the prettiest choked whimper that goes straight to your quickly wetting pussy.
he sucks until your tit runs dry, pulling off of your irritated bud with an obscene string of salivaâ wordlessly he moves on to your other neglected nipple, his fingers coming back up to play with the one he released. the combined sensations are almost too much for you, your shaking legs wrapping tight around soobinâs trim waist; you can feel the curve of his rock hard cock grind against your dripping cunt, drenching the thin fabric of his boxers and aiding in the delicious slide of his hot fat shaft against your slit. your pussy suddenly feels so painfully empty, your hips bucking in desperation as soobin empties your other breast of milk. âyou feel what you do to me?â he mumbles against your flesh, hips picking up speed, âfeel how hard you make me?â
the hand you had in soobinâs hair trails down his chest to his straining cock, rubbing his twitching shaft through his boxers; soobin cries out around your nipple, his hips stuttering, and you canât help but giggle as you dip your hand below his waistband.
the tip of his cock throbs an angry red, thick fat shaft slapping wetly against his taut belly. âall this for me?â you purr, gathering the precum dripping from his cockhead to slick up your hand; it only takes a few slow pumps of his cock to get soobin begging, your poor husband wound up and aching for release.
âplease, please baby, let me fuck youâ i gotta fuck you, iâm so hard it hurts,â he whimpers, releasing your tit with a wet pop, âgotta fill you up, put more babies in you⊠gonna be such a happy family..â
what kind of wife would you be to say no?
#txt x reader#soobin x reader#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#txt smut#txt fluff#soobin hard thoughts#soobin hard hours#soobin smut#soobin fluff
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Flashed
Prompt: Itâs too hot to wear clothes at home, so Reader walks around in her underwear. Spencer loses his train of thoughts at the sight.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Rating: mature (18+)
Warnings: light dom/sub dynamic (Dom!Spencer, Sub!Reader if you squint), dirty talking, hair pulling, light impact play, breeding kink, unprotected sexÂ
Words: 5.0k
A.N.: Horny Spencer. Thatâs it. Also, this is the first official Spencer Reid fic I have written since last year. It felt so good to write for him again. Written this with a prompt from the Summer Sunshine challenge by @imagining-in-the-margins. Thank you to @reidselle and @drgenius-reid for beta-reading this fic!
MASTERLIST. REQUEST GUIDELINES. TAGLIST FORM.
When Spencer asked you to move in with him at the end of the year, he was ready to face every challenge that life would throw at him. The first fights over laundry, the first fight over whoever almost set the house on fire, the first fights over the person that was supposed to remake the bed before going to work, the first fights over whoever left the TV on before going to bedâŠÂ
He was prepared for everything.
Spencer learned to cook (he wasnât good at it, but he knew how to turn on the stove and boil some water, at least). He learned how to do laundry. He learned how to clean the floors without you falling on your own ass because he forgot to tell you that the ground was wet.Â
But Spencer wasnât ready for the summer.Â
You moved in with him during the fall season, when it was still cold outside, and it was time to drink hot chocolate in front of the fireplace. You moved in with him when you were still wearing a winter jacket, leather boots and a scarf around your neck. You moved in when the wind was so cold that you could barely keep the window slightly opened in the bathroom after taking a shower to let the steam go out.Â
Spencer wasnât fucking ready for summer.
The hot weather was already taking a toll on his poor body and he hated it. Spencer despised the high temperatures because they made him sweat like a pig and he hated, more than anything, the feel of sweat under his armpits or behind his knees.Â
Normally, before you moved in, Spencer would spend the whole time at home completely naked or wearing only underwear. It wasnât an everyday occurrence, but it happened quite a lot.Â
What was the problem, then?
Spencer used to walk around in his apartment in his underwear when he was alone, but youâre doing it while heâs in the house. He knew you paced around the house that way because you felt comfortable, but still. He was a stupid man, with hormones that rushed through his body like crazy.
You walked around your shared apartment with nothing on but a pair of panties that Spencer always wanted to rip off you and a stupid bra that made your breasts look even more delicious.Â
And the sight had started to take a toll on Spencer for the worst. He was constantly horny, making it difficult for him to focus on simple tasks such as cleaning the whole apartment or doing laundry.Â
He woke up one day and you already were parading yourself in your underwear, which made his morning wood even more difficult to take care of. He came home that same night and you were still in your underwear, which led him to forget he was supposed to grab some dinner with Luke because he ended up taking you against the bedroom door.
Spencer didnât want you to wear clothes if you were too hot, but he also needed to learn how to keep his hands to himself whenever he saw an inch of your naked skin. He felt like a teenager, always eager to touch and ravish what belonged to him.
When Spencer tried to explain the situation to Luke, his colleague laughed right in his face. At first, Spencer was offended.Â
âWhy are you complaining about seeing your girlfriendâs tits? You should be happy she feels comfortable around you.â
And Spencer was happy; he truly was. He was proud to know he made you feel good about yourself and allowed you to walk around the house almost naked, but he also felt like an idiot for getting a boner whenever he thought about coming home and knowing heâd find you dressed like that.Â
Or better, undressed.Â
That night, Spencer couldnât wait to get home and tell you that he had a birthday party to attend next week. It was Penelopeâs birthday and, as every year for the past ten, she had an entire day planned for her and her friends from work. There would be a huge pool party in a small agritourism she rented for the day, followed by a barbecue and a whole garden to explore.Â
Spencer was excited to bring you there.Â
You had been dating for over a year now and you couldnât meet his co-workers and friends because you always had meetings to attend, or shifts that were incompatible with the nights the team hung out all together.Â
âY/N?â Spencer called out when he entered his apartment.Â
The lights in the kitchen were on and he could hear you humming to a song blasting from the speakers.Â
He dropped his bag on the floor and followed the sound of your voice, only to find you in nothing but your underwear. Again. You had your back turned and were swaying your hips to the rhythm of the music, making Spencer smile at the sight. Though the music was loud and almost hurt his ears, he was willing to tolerate the loud volume if it meant he could observe you in your element for hours on end.Â
He was so enamoured with you even though you werenât doing anything in particular. He fell harder for you everyday just watching you exist, breathe and live on your own.
But of course, the romantic thoughts in his head abruptly stopped when you felt his presence in the room and you screamed.
âFuck! What the fuck, Spencer?!â
He didnât want to laugh at your terrified expression, but a chuckle fell from his lips.Â
âDid I scare you?â
You roll your eyes, dropping your apron on the counter. âNo. I screamed because I was learning how to fry scream. Fuck yes, you scared me.â
Spencer walked to the other side of the kitchen counter and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a tight hug. You smelled like apples and he could see them in the corner of his eyes, all peeled up.Â
âHow was work? Did you get your stuff done?â you asked
Spencer nodded his head, kissing your temple without losing his grip on you. âYes. Iâm exhausted, though. I couldnât wait to get home so I could relax and enjoy some time with you.â
You leaned forward, caressing his soft curls. âI bet youâre tired. Youâve been awake since five in the morning.â
As Spencer left the kitchen to get changed, he heard the music turning back on and he smiled. Your footsteps echoed in the room, and he smiled because he knew you were dancing to your favourite songs again. But still, there was a big problem that needed to be solved at that instant.Â
You were still in your underwear and of course, he had noticed that. How couldnât he?Â
Spencer saw you for less than three minutes and yet, the bulge in his trousers made it difficult for him to think straight. He didnât know how it was possible for you to turn him on that much, but you did and it was starting to make things harder for him.
If Spencer brought you to Penelope's birthday party, you were definitely going to wear a bikini. And a bikini is basically the same thing as your underwear⊠which meant one thing.
âOh no.â
âAre you talking to me?â
Spencer turned around, attempting to cover the issue between his thighs with the jacket he brought to work that morning.Â
âUh, no love. No, I was just thinking about⊠something.â
âCare to share?â you asked with an innocent smile.
Spencer knew that smile was actually innocent; you had no ill intentions, but his brain was starting to play games with him. He was so turned on that Spencer thought every little microexpression on your face and every move you made were just actions to tease him and work him up.Â
They were not. Or maybe they were.
âSorry, uh⊠Yeah. Penelope invited me to her birthday party this Saturday.â
Your face enlightened at his words. âOh! Thatâs so nice!â
âShe asked me to bring you, too.âÂ
âI donât like the tone you just used. If you donât want to bring me, thatâsâŠâ
Spencer widened his eyes, realising that his words mightâve sounded rude. âNo! Iâm excited to let you meet all of my friends and co-workers, truly.â
âThen, what is it? I know thereâs something that bothers you.â
You sat on the bed with your legs crossed, waiting for Spencer to continue but, he didnât dare to move. If he placed his jacket on the bed, you wouldâve noticed the painful tent in his trousers. If he didnât move, you wouldâve asked him why he wasnât taking off his clothes and putting on more comfortable ones.
Too many thoughts were running wild through Spencerâs brain and it was difficult for him to gather them all, cast aside the naughty ones and focus on the more normal ones.Â
It was tough not to stare at the curves of your breasts and how he could see the shadow of your nipples hidden behind the fabric of your bra. He has spent so many hours just licking and sucking your skin around your breasts, that he can still taste you on his tongue if he focuses hard enough.Â
âPenelope has rented a whole place for all of us.â
You hummed, tilting your head. âSounds really nice. Is there a swimming pool involved? Is that why youâre worried?â
Spencer bit his bottom lip, forcing himself not to stare at the way your hair fell over your shoulders and covered the laces of your bra. A few days ago, he used his teeth to remove that same bra. It was a struggle not to think about that night, and he pathetically failed.
âIâm sure the place she rented is clean andâŠâ
As you started to speak and comfort Spencer over his fear of germs, his mind wandered elsewhere. You moved to the centre of the bed to be closer to him and laid on it, with your arms behind your head and your body all stretched out.Â
Your bra barely covered your full breasts and your thighs were much more visible, with all the little bruises still peppering your skin. The same bruises he caused two days before. The same bruises you begged him to create on.Â
Spencerâs brain was starting to get even foggier.Â
âAre you even listening to me, love?âÂ
You snapped your fingers in front of his face and Spencer dropped the jacket on the floor, quickly bending over to pick it up. Of course, he was listening to you, but he was just⊠thinking about something else while you were talking.Â
âHm.â
âIâll take that as a no.â
Spencer turned away from you and looked down, frowning. His bulge was still there and getting more painful, but how in the world was he going to face you and ask you if you could help him out? He knew you would, in a heartbeat, but he felt miserable.Â
How could he ask you to stop walking around his place in nothing but your underwear when he wanted to worship your body every hour of every day? How could he deny himself the sight of your stunning body?Â
His eyes went straight to your breasts and of course, you noticed it.Â
âSpencer!â
âHm? Whatâs up?â
âMy God.â - you started to say, sitting up on the bed - âYouâre distracted! You canât even finish a sentence or listen to me.â
Spencer hummed again, forcing his eyes to stay on your face. Unfortunately, they slipped down to your breasts once again - but that time, Spencer didnât deny it. How could he? He had been so obvious since he arrived home, but you thought to yourself that maybe you were imagining things.
Or you were too horny, but you werenât. He was.Â
âIâm sorry, itâs justâŠâ
âYouâve been staring at my breasts since you saw me in the kitchen.â you stated
Spencer sighed, turning his back on you again. âIâm sorry. Theyâre distracting.â
âLook at me, love.â
He lingered for a few seconds, covering his face with both hands. He didnât want to turn around because he knew you wouldâve teased him for hours on end, but it truly wasnât his fault. It was his brain that tricked him into staring at your boobs and remembering all the things he did to you the night before and all the other days.Â
It wasnât his fault he had an eidetic memory and he could replay all your moments of intimacy together each time he wanted. How you looked when he kissed your neck, how you moaned when his tongue swirled around your nipplesâŠ
âYou can look at them whenever you want, you know.â - you tapped his shoulder, kneeling behind him on the bed - âIâm your girlfriend, arenât I?â
âThatâs not the point, Y/N.â - Spencer replied, forcing himself to turn around - âYouâre so distracting, I can barely think when youâre there⊠dressed up like that.â
You raised your brows. âDo you want me to change?â
âNo!â - he exclaimed, before clearing his throat - âI mean⊠maybe. I donât know, but I canât keep getting hard because youâre half-naked.â
âWhatâs wrong with being attracted to me, love?â you asked with your arms crossed.
âThereâs nothing wrong with that, you know, but itâs hard to be around you when all I think about is how I want to justâŠâ - he took a deep breath before shaking his head - âI need to behave, Iâm sorry.â
There was a moment of silence where you pondered over his words. He seemed so miserable and all because he was so attracted to you that he could barely think, that he could barely remember that he had other things to do other than you.Â
That felt incredibly hot.Â
Leaning forward, you placed a hand on his hip. âI want to hear what youâre thinking about right now.â
Spencer shook his head, covering your hand with his. âItâs too early.â
âItâs never too early to make love to your partner, Spencer.â
You were right, he knew that, but he also knew that if he kissed you and took you right there, he wouldâve spent the whole night just trying to do it over and over until you were too tired to move or to keep your eyes open.Â
Spencer sighed and looked down at you. âYou drive me crazy.â
âAnd whatâs the harm in that, love?â you asked innocentlyÂ
He moved his hands under your neck and forced you to look at him, gripping your chin with his fingertips. You went quiet, trying to decipher the expression on his face, though the tight grip was already a good hint of what he was thinking about. Â
âNo harm.â
âExactly, so⊠Whatâs stopping you?â
Spencer knew nothing was stopping him from pressing your body onto the mattress and pounding into you. He had every right to do so because he knew you wanted it as much as he did, but still. There was an issue to fix and he refused to let his hormones get in the way, once again.Â
But maybe just this time, Spencer thought.
You leaned your head against his palm, and closed your eyes when his fingers brushed over your cheek. He could look at you for hours, admiring how you basked in the sweetness of his touch that you found so comforting.Â
âNothingâs stopping me.â
You sighed, running your hands over his chest. âGood.â
Spencer unbuckled his belt and the metal clanking of it falling onto the floor brought an eager smile to your lips. Of course you smiled, because you were about to get exactly what you wanted since he came home.Â
Little minx, Spencer thought.Â
âYou donât need to hold back from what you truly desire, Spencer.âÂ
He drank up your words like they were the sweetest honey and he sighed. You were right; he didnât need to stop himself from putting his hands over you if you wanted to be touched as well, but still.
âIf you want to rip my underwear off me, you can do it.â - you muttered, slowly opening the buttons of his shirt - âIf you want to fuck me like this, while Iâm almost naked and youâre still dressed, you can do it.â
Spencer watched as your skilled fingers pushed his shirt off his shoulder and sighed, because there was nothing else he could do or say at that moment. You had him wrapped around your tiny finger and you knew it, which was why he loved you so much. You couldâve snapped your fingers and he wouldâve dropped to his knees for you.Â
âI just.. I just need to have you. At all times.â
âYou can.â - you replied with no hesitation, only firmness in your voice - âI am here for your pleasure. Always.â
Spencer released a long sigh. âI know. Iâm so lucky.â
Pushing his trousers down his legs to reveal his soft skin, you looked up at him with your lips turned into a wicked grin. You could see the emotions rapidly changing behind those eyes: lust, frustration, love, annoyance and desire. That was exactly what you wanted: you craved to drive Spencer crazy and you needed him to lose his mind over you.Â
It made you feel powerful.
âYouâre so pretty when youâre desperate for me.â you saidÂ
Spencer leaned into your touch when you reached out for his face. âSo are you, princess.â
But the tender moment was gone as fast it came, because there was no time to be nice to one another. Spencer wanted to wreck you and you wanted him to do as he pleased; you wanted the pleasure to consume him, and so it did.
Spencer kissed you for the first time since he came home and, of course, he had no time to be nice. His tongue pushed into your mouth without warning, but you let it as you laid down on the bed with the man on top of you. The kiss expressed all the frustration that had built within him ever since he came home and found you in the kitchen, wiggling your ass to the music and singing at the top of your lungs.Â
His teeth dug into the soft flesh of your bottom lip and you whined, almost tasting blood on your tongue.Â
âLet me be rough tonight.â
You grabbed him by the chin, staring right into those honey-coloured eyes. âPerhaps I was not clear with my words a moment ago, Spencer. I want you to do whatever you want to me.â
Spencer groaned at your words and pushed any rational thought out of his mind, allowing the frustration and profound desire felt for you to drive him. His pupils were blown wide with unbridled lust making you shiver, bringing the heat between your thighs where you so desperately wanted to be touched.Â
Spencer kissed your mouth before moving down to your throat, attacking it with bites and gentle licks that made you whimper.Â
âIâm going to ravish you tonight, my princess.â - Spencer whispered to your ear, running his hands all over your breasts - âAnd youâre going to take my cock like the good girl I know you are for me, yeah?â
âYes. Yes, love.â
He moved his hands to your face, kissing the tip of your nose. âHands and knees.â
You scrambled to turn around, struggling to move as his arms didnât give you as much space as you needed. Spencer, ever so helpful, pulled your hips up when you managed to roll on your tummy.Â
âGood girl, thatâs it.â
You could feel his cock against your ass when he leaned forward to bite your shoulder and you moaned, closing your eyes. His nails dug into the soft flesh of your back, dragging your panties down your thighs before throwing them on the floor.Â
Spencerâs mouth wandered down your neck, leaving a trace of kisses that started from your right shoulder and went down to your ass. He nibbled at the soft skin right below it before biting down, hard enough to draw blood. You yelped at the feeling, but didnât complain as your hands scratched the blanket.Â
Spencer pulled away for a second and traced the small wound with the tip of his index, earning a hiss from you. It hurt, but you wanted it to hurt - you promised youâd bleed for him, and bleed you did.Â
âGood girl. So pretty for me.â - Spencer whispered, but you were more focused on the sound of a bottle of lube being opened - âIâm sorry, Iâm so impatient to have you. I wish we could take this slow, but I canât.â
âItâs okay, I know youâre desperate.â - you mumbled, moaning softly when his fingers breached your entrance - âItâs fucking cold.â
He chuckled at your reaction, smearing the lube all over your already wet slit. âOopsâ
When you were ready, Spencer found no resistance as he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside of you. He watched the way your walls welcomed him in and revelled in the sweetness of your whimpers and whines when you felt him. Spencer waited, watching you as you struggled to stay still for him.Â
âPlease, just⊠Get inside, for fuckâs sake.â
âOh? Wanna take it all at once, my princess?â - Spencer asked, running his left hand through your hair - âAre you desperate for my cock? Then, fucking have it.â
In one hard thrust, Spencer bottomed out inside of you and you fell on the bed with your face in the pillow. You trembled when you finally felt every inch of his cock inside of you and you thought you were ready to fall off the edge in less than a minute.Â
You were desperate for him every single time you had the chance to make love to him.
âTake it, princess. You wanted it and now you have it.â
Spencer watched you as you arched your back, tightening your grip on the bed sheets. A chorus of curses and moans flows from your lips as you try to get back on your knees, but his thrusts are too quick and harsh to let you get in position. So, again, you fell down with your face in the pillow.Â
The pleasure quickly expanded through your body as Spencer never slowed down the pace of his thrusts, basking in the gentle sounds of your moans. His right hand travelled down to reach your ass, and before you felt it, you heard it - there was a brief moment of silence, followed by a loud smack and then a deep heat diffusing over your skin.Â
It had been so long since he spanked you, but with that position, you couldnât blame him.
The sensation heightened the pleasure within you.Â
âOh, fuck!â
Spencer moved both his hands on each side of your head and leaned forward, keeping his thrusts quick and regular. You could feel his body tense each time you tried to push back into him, to fuck yourself onto his cock.Â
You were already close, desperate to ride that delicious end.Â
âPlease, more.â - you cried out again - âPlease, Iâm close.â
âDonât you dare.â - he bit your earlobe - âDonât you fucking dare come on my cock now.â
You whined at his order, not sure how you would be able to hold it and be a good girl for him. It wasnât easy to hold an orgasm, especially if Spencer never stopped fucking into you with all the energy he had in his body. You were so close, you were right there but Spencer stopped his movements - and suddenly, you felt a warm tear slip down your cheek.
A single tear of frustration.Â
Spencer forced you on your back, pushing you onto the mattress before sliding his cock back inside of you.Â
âI want to see your pretty face when you come, princess.â - Spencer whispered, lifting your right leg and wrapping it around his own waist - âI want you to look at me as you come undone on my cock.â
His pace is as rough as before and you felt more tears spill from your eyes. Your hands quickly went behind his neck as you rolled your hips, a pathetic attempt at fucking yourself back onto his cock to feel more and more.Â
You couldnât form a coherent sentence. The only word that fell from your lips was a strained âyesâ that echoed in the room, encouraging Spencer to go harder and faster, to tear you down piece by piece.
And he looked fucking stunning as he did so.Â
His lean body, his muscles were tense, a single strand of hair falling over his forehead and his tongue poking out in concentration⊠You wanted to get those details tattooed on your brain, on your body, every-fucking-where.Â
âSuch a good girl for me, huh? My pretty princess.â - Spencer whispered, looking down at you - âAlways welcoming me with nothing on, knowing how crazy that makes me.â
Your lips opened slightly, more whimpers flowing from them.Â
âDo you know how difficult it is to get out of here and not remember all the times Iâve fucked you against the door?â he said, his voice rough.
You shook your head, not sure if you understood what he said.Â
âFuck, you make me so horny. I fucking love your body.â - he mumbled, pressing his forehead to yours - âI always think about it and then I see dressed like that⊠Itâs like youâre always begging me to bend you over and fuck your pretty cunt.â
Youâve always loved his dirty mouth, but that day it felt deliciously perfect. His thrusts were rough and faltering, which meant he was close to his orgasm too - you almost forgot you were close, totally enamoured by him and the way he spoke about you. Â
âMy slutty princess.â
You nodded with a smile, drunk on your lust for him. âAll yours to use and destroy.â
You felt the pleasure built up again right behind your belly button and you knew you were close again. Spencer mustâve noticed it because he kept his pace quick, never changing the angle because he felt you clench hard around him each time he bottomed out. Your thighs were shaking around his waist and he could feel your heartbeat quickening under his fingertips.Â
âMy good girl.â - he mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment - âI can feel youâre close. Do you want to come on my cock, princess?â
He didnât need a verbal answer, because soon your cries of pleasure were enough. You widened your eyes and threw your head back onto the pillow, crying out his name over and over as your nails dug into his shoulders. He could feel his skin breaking under your nails but he didnât care.Â
Spencer was too enamoured with you to realise how painful your grip was.Â
âThatâs it, gorgeous. You did so well.â he rewarded you with a kiss on the lipsÂ
You barely felt it, drunk on the pleasure that he fed you. Your whole body was shuddering as Spencer helped you ride out your orgasm, but the more he thrusted, the more pain you felt stabbing you. You didnât complain, though.Â
You wanted it, you needed it and so did he.Â
âDoes this pretty princess want my cum deep inside of her, hm?â Spencer asked
You werenât sure he heard you, but you managed to choke out: âYes. Please, please, fucking do it. Please.â
A few thrusts later, Spencer granted you your wish. His warmth flooded you from the inside as he watched the way his body become one with yours, shivering with pleasure. His right hand pressed down hard below your belly button and you winced, feeling his seed run deep if that was even possible.Â
It felt so incredibly good you could almost come again.Â
âAh, that felt fucking perfect.â
You closed your arms around his neck and caged him against your body, so that he wouldnât be able to run away. Not that he wanted to, of course, but.Â
Spencer didnât move for at least five good minutes, struggling to catch his own breath while you stared at the bedroom ceiling with a grin on your face. You were deeply satisfied with yourself and you were sure Spencer was content, as well - though the conversation between you wasnât over.Â
You knew that not putting on clothes wouldâve distracted him and maybe that was exactly why you never put them on when he was around in your shared apartment. It was fun to see him struggling between staring at your breasts or at your thighs, or forgetting that he had to hang out with his colleagues because he was too busy burying his face in your cunt or fucking you against a window.Â
It felt good to be desired, and it felt even better knowing that it was the only thing Spencer was able to think about when he was away from you.Â
âYou have to stop walking around our place naked.â
You put a hand on his chest, gently pushing him upward. Spencer was still lying between your legs, but he was staring at you.Â
âNaked? I am always wearing my underwear.â you statedÂ
Spencer bumped the tip of his nose against yours. âWhich is dangerously distracting, Y/N.â
âOh, youâre using my name in a conversation.â
âIâm being serious, princess. I canât get a boner whenever Iâm near you.â - he explained, pressing a kiss on your jaw - âBelieve me, I appreciate the sight but⊠My brain needs some rest. And so does my penis.â
âOkay, alright. Iâll do my best to keep my clothes on.â - I decided to give in - âAfter six weeks of pure hell, I think you deserve a break.â
Spencer kissed your cheek, before biting it softly. âI appreciate it, my princess.â
âBut that doesnât mean I wonât do it occasionally just to drive you crazy.â you warned himÂ
âOh, Iâm fine with that.â - he said, rolling off your body - âBut give me a heads up before doing it, okay? I wouldnât want to come home with Luke and find you in your underwear.â
âWell⊠it could be fun. Maybe heâd like to joinâŠâ
Spencer covered your mouth with hisâ before you could finish your sentence, but the kiss was interrupted by your loud laugh echoing through the walls.Â
âAlright, Luke will never see me like this.â - you gave him a peck on the lips, pushing him off you before he could spread your legs again - âThis sight is for your eyes only.â
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#spencer reid#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid smut fanfic#spencer reid imagines#spencer reid smut imagines#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x female reader#criminal minds fics#criminal minds fanfics#doctor spencer reid smut
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thinking about older brotherâs best friend!max who takes little innocent virgin you home after you got too drunk at a party. you trust him so much and heâs sooo dreamy but you canât figure out how you ended up in his lap with his fingers up your miniskirt, other hand locked around your neck and skimpy lace thong stuffed in your mouth. but you donât want to annoy him when heâs finally paying attention to you, so you furiously nod and drool when he tells you to be his good girl, his stupid little slut, and bullies his big, aching cock into your pussy. itâs soo wet and sticky but it doesnât matter cause maxie promised he was wearing a condomâŠright? Right?
thank you so much for sending this to me! this is a crazy ass prompt and i love it. thank you so much! and for the people at home, send me your shit! i love insane prompts to write! give them to me, i need to write! i went with the tried and trued method of a leclerc!reader so add a little extra zest to it. i changed a few things around so i hope that's okay, all the pieces are still there just a few tweaks!! i hope you enjoy <3
max verstappen
cw: smut/pwp, leclerc!reader, drunk sex, dubious consent, lying, unprotected sex, size difference/kink, crybaby!reader, dark-ish fic, missionary position, fingering, (slight) choking, (technical) virgin!reader, filth(!!!)
"thank you so much for doing this. i told her not to go out tonight because i was out of town and couldn't get her if she needed help. you're a big help, mate. i owe you." charles' voice was clear on the other end of the phone.
max was grabbing his keys, "you owe me nothing, charles. i'm happy to help. wasn't up to much else tonight." he got his shoes on and headed out the door, "i'll let you know when i get her." then hung up the phone.
he got in his car and drove to the club you were supposed to be. max had known you for about as long as he had known charles, you were the curious little thing that liked being around your brother. you were close in age, but max hadn't seen you in years.
charles said that university had prevented you from ever really hanging around as much as you used to. which was a shame because max always thought you were cute, even if you were a little bit a cry baby.
he pulled up to the address of where you were supposed to be and got out of the car. it was late into the evening and there were a few people outside. the sight of him turned a few heads and some whispers. but he had to pick you out of the crowd.
he leaned against the car and did the tried and true method of finding a leclerc. he cupped his hands around his mouth and said, "hey! leclerc!"
and then as it had worked a million times with charles over the years, your voice rang out, "holy shit, max! what are you doing here?" and you got out of the crowd in front of the club.
that was when max's heart stopped.
he remembered you in your high school uniform and baggy t-shirts with various bands on them. he remembered when you had braces and that bad haircut in tenth year. but, now, are a twenty-something year old woman, you were beautiful.
you practically stumbled over to him, you tripped over the curb and against his chest. but you clung to the front of his t-shirt, "oh my god, it's you!" you howled laughter, "where's charlie?"
max steadied you back on your feet and looked over you to see the other people who were murmuring. he looked down at you, his hands still on your shoulders, "i'm going to take you back to my place tonight." even though charles said to bring you back to his place, there would be a slight detour.
plus, what if something happened? max needed to protect you, or at least he had self appointed himself with the role.
"god, i haven't seen you in like what, five years? still got those chubby cheeks though." you giggled drunkenly as you pinched at his face.
max could feel the heat rise in his face, didn't help that your plump breasts were pressed against him and he got a good view of your cleavage. he said to you, "c'mon, let's get out of here." he gave you a smile, "i think we're turning too many heads."
you nodded innocently before max helped you into the car. even going as far as to buckle to you in and closing the door. as he rounded the car he exhaled deeply, this was not what he was expecting.
you looked at him and giggled, "holy shit, it's actually you. why are you picking me up? i called charlie?"
max sighed and buckled himself in, he patted your knee, "how much have you had to drink? your brother is out of the country for most of the summer break."
a few seconds ticked by before you made an 'o' shape with your mouth, you snapped your fingers and pointed to max, "i was supposed to call lorenzo!"
max's eyebrows knitted together, "how much have you had to drink?"
you shrugged, "i don't know. there was this nice guy who kept buying me drinks and he was like super nice. but then, my friends kinda got me away from him and told me to call my brother and i said, 'which one?', because you know. i have three brothers and i don't very well want arthur to see me THIS drunk so i called charles... but i wasn't supposed to call charles, i was supposed to call lorenzo."
max wanted to kiss you really badly at that moment. and when he squeezed your thigh for reassurance, you moaned. then max's brain went silent for a moment.
you looked at each other and you felt the heat rise in your cheeks as you said, "sorry.... over sensitive." you licked your lips, "you can still hold my thigh if you want."
this was going to be a long night, and max wanted to see how deep this could go. after all, you both had about five years to make up.
"i hate being this drunk." you whined, as you padded across his home. you were out of the skimpy dress you wore to the club, much to max's pleasure. you looked better in no bra, one of his t-shirts and his socks that you pulled as high as they could go, "i wish i could stop being drunk the moment i got home."
he was on the couch, a glass of water and some tylonel was on the table. he patted his thigh and suggested, "i think i know something that can help." his brain had been trying to think of a clever way to get you closer to him, but you were too easy.
"water and rest?" you asked as you got closer to him. your arms across your chest.
he leaned back into the sofa a little and said, "no. why don't you come here to find out?" he could tell in the slight wave of your stance that you were still quite drunk. he chuckled as he watched you come over to him, were all leclercs curious like cats?
you perched yourself on his thigh and he pulled you into his lap. being so close to you made his cock throb in his jeans. you yelped and admitted, "i'm a virgin!"
"what?"
you looked at him so innocently it almost broke the driver's brain in half. you had your hands up near your face and your bottom lip was wobbling, "i've... i've never had sex before. i mean... i technically let a guy finger me." you swallowed, not knowing why you were admitting this, "but.. but he didn't even make me cum, i lied to him and faked it."
max's hungry gaze remained on you, "so... so no one's actually... had sex with you."
you looked like you were going to cry. you were in your twenties and a virgin (he wasn't going to acknowledge the curl of jealousy in his gut at the thought of some loser at your school poorly trying to finger you). that had all the lights going off in max's brain.
leclerc's little sister was a virgin, drunk and on the verge of tears in max's condo. shivering like a leaf. max never thought of himself in terms of animals, but at moment he felt like a big scary lion. and you a poor little deer. the signature leclerc doe eyes only added to his point.
"it's alright." he said, "how about this, you let me finger you properly. i don't think your technical first time should've been spent with you faking an orgasm."
you had to admit, you had feelings for max. when you were younger and your brother would race him, you'd follow him around afterwards asking about max. it annoyed the hell out of your brother.
even the guy who fingered you was almost an exact fit to max, the blond-brown hair, blue eyes and a big nose. but it didn't quite cut it. max had been the subject of your fantasies for years now.
you blushed, "i mean... i don't want to force you or anything. i don't want it to be a pity fuck."
he laughed and curled a strong arm around you, "no, no, not you. to make you cum would be an honour." catch more flies with honey than vinegar. catch the pretty sister of a fellow driver with soft words.
he got your panties off with a little help and put them in your mouth. the sight of your mouth full of your lacy thong made all the blood in his body pool into his cock. he brushed your cheek and chuckled at your lack of resistance, "aw, does someone like to be roughed up? i bet you're just so used to everyone treating you like glass. the only daughter." he cupped your pussy with his wide hand, "how would charles feel about this? or lorenzo? they'd have my head." he kissed at your neck.
you whined, liquor swam in your head still as you squirmed a little, "don't talk about my brothers while you're fingering me." you tried to say around the panties in your mouth.
max grazed his fingers across your pussy, "alright, alright." his breath was hot in your ear as his other hand came and was placed around your throat. he shuddered a little, oh you were just a perfect fit weren't you?
now max really had to make sure that you weren't going to run off to your private university and fooled around with other boys.
maybe a baby would have to do.
he held you close to him by the throat and played with your pussy. soon he sank two digits into you and you whined around the panties in your mouth. you felt a hot flash go through you.
this was totally different, you felt the pleasure bloom in your gut as he roughly fingered you. you held onto his wrists, but remained pressed to him as he occasionally rubbed his clothed erection against your backside.
"oh, you're beautiful." he said softly, "you are so painfully beautiful. i'm surprised you haven't made yourself a whore at school. why? scared that your brothers would kill whoever touched their sister?" he kissed your cheek as he heard your whimper.
your body felt loose and your brain felt like it was working overtime. it was beyond adorable, the little cry baby with tears in her eyes. don't worry, max will make it all better.
"but you don't want anyone else, do you? you wanna be my good girl? you know so little about sex, poor thing. but don't worry, i'll make you a nice little whore for my cock." he pressed on your throat a little harder as he really started to work his fingers inside of you.
you didn't know what to think, everything around you felt oppressive but the liquor and lust short-wired your brain. you nodded and tried to speak around the fabric in your mouth, but it all came out like a jumbled mess.
max could feel the heat rise in his body, his cock grew more stiff. he liked the sight of this. you in his clothes, letting him explore your body. you were untouched territory. all for max's taking.
you wanted to cover your face from the embarrassment of being finger-fucked by your crush. but max squeezed your throat a little tighter.
"don't hide yourself from me, i want to see it all." he pressed a hard kiss onto your shoulder and watched your shudder. your pussy clenched around his fingers which only spurred him to keep bullying them into you.
you whined something around the panties in your mouth and max continued his kisses. you felt amazing on him. he hissed against your back as you hit your climax and whined loudly. you coated his entire hand in your wetness.
max moved you by your neck and kissed you on the cheek, he said, "good girl. see, orgasms aren't that hard." he let go of your throat and took the panties out of your mouth.
you were panting heavily as you said, "holy shit." your heart was hammering and you felt hot all over. you felt his arms around you waist and his mouth in your ear.
"we're not done yet." he said.
before you knew it, you were on max's bed. the shirt you had borrowed was on the floor and your bra was right next to it. when max took off your socks, you whined and he pressed all his weight on top of you. leaving one sock left on you.
he was naked on top of you, his cheeks were pink and he felt hot all over. you could see your eye bug out a little from the sight of his naked body. he pulled away soon after and grabbed you by the hips then rubbed his hard cock against your slick pussy.
"i wish your brother brought you to the track more." he chuckled as he continued to rub up against you, "you would've been so cute hanging around, you were always so curious. but, i don't know if i could contain myself if you were around often."
you blushed, "oh c'mon, stop it, max. you're going to kill me!"
max was over you, "i would never do that. i like you very much alive. you're perfect. i think it would be the best strategy your brother ever did if he had you around the paddock. i'd have to fight off every other driver to get to you."
you admitted, "i'd only want you, max."
max grinned, "is that why you're letting me take your virginity? giving yourself over to me? i bet a part of you wished i showed up, maybe that was all the plan for you." he pressed the tip of his cock up against your entrance, "someone has a crush." he was teasing, but the look on your face showed that he had you all figured out.
you squeaked, "i do! i'm sorry! i've had one for years!" you looked like you were going to cry again.
max almost came from the sight before him, he swallowed to keep himself together as he reached for your face with one hand and looked into your eyes, "you like me."
in your inebriated state you replied, "more like love you."
he chuckled, "really now? after all the times i beat your brother, you had all these feelings for me." he pressed his chest up against you, as he guided his cock into your slick slit.
you clutched onto his shoulders and tried not too tense up too much. this was a wet dream come true. you croaked, "i've always have."
"well, aren't i lucky." he said as he kissed you gently, "taking the virginity of the most beautiful woman i've ever seen." he was a snug fit in you but, he peppered your cheeks with kisses to help relax you. thankfully you were painfully wet.
he felt a curl of possession in his gut. like he needed to have you by his side. it wouldn't be hard to convince charles to let the two of you date, even if he was protective of you. he knew that max was a good man, he'd be a loving, caring boyfriend. maybe even an eventual husband.
he moved his hips slowly, not to push too much on you at once. you were still painfully drunk, all of these were admissions under intoxication. the consent of the situation was murky at best, but the way you looked at he pushed his cock into you excited him.
"do you want this?" he asked.
you nodded, your gaze unfocused, "of course. why, why would you ask that?" you really were so cute. your brain was polluted with liquor and pleasure, maybe he should've put you to bed before this all got out of hand.
but in all fairness, max was a little too far gone. he always held feelings for you, he was just better at covering them up. but, as he thrusted into you, your legs around his waist as he rutted against you. it was like the little flame from his youth came alive into an inferno.
oh, this was the woman he was meant to marry.
he kissed you once more, and picked up the pace. he held your sides, feeling your warmth against him as he felt the intense feelings bloom in your chest. call him an obsessive freak, but he should've known all those years ago.
stupid teen max, look what was right in front of him! you two could've been married by now. had a family and everything. but as he was balls deep inside of you, he believed everything happened for a reason.
you were now in his arms, under him as he moved against you. the blunt end of his cock, hit against the beginning of your cervix. a promise of what was to come. that you'd get nice and pregnant by him.
by the time he was finished with you, you were going to be at least five percent dutch if not more, you two had a whole week together. this was just the start. you two lazily made out.
the lust throbbed in your head as the liquor still coursed through your system. your mouth felt dry but you couldn't do much else but lie under him. his kisses were domineering and strong. his cock was buried up inside of you like it belonged there.
he believed that you two were two halves of a same whole. he wish he had gotten a glimpse of you sooner. seen how much you matured, he melted a little at the feeling of you. beyond perfect for him.
the pleasure was getting to your head, even in your intoxicated state. you clung to him like a life line as he moved against you. your sweet noises and that your eyes were barely open.
"beautiful." he said, "and all mine."
you swallowed, "you're wearing a condom, right?"
he staggered in his pace for a moment, but he gave you best media smile as he lied through his teeth, "of course, can't have any accidents." he kissed you once more. and you just melted into it so easily.
you then let out a sweet noise as you felt orgasm grip you. you panted heavily as the lust flooded your brain. you held onto him tightly as he continued to move against you. this all felt like a dream, and the noises you made as you came had max panting heavily.
"please."
"i need you." you said with tears in your eyes. the orgasm has torn through you and you were left a sputtering, hot mess under him.
he continued to rut against you, his pace was erratic as he moved against you. his heart raced at the sight of you. he was fully gone for you, he wanted you. tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. he wanted his cock buried in your sweet pussy.
it was fine, obviously there was a connection. he just had to seal the deal, and with a few more strokes of his cock. he was putting all of his weight on top of him. he finished inside of you and you made a small pathetic noise.
"fuck." he groaned.
you whined, "please, max."
when he pulled away, he wasn't away long. he soon pulled you in for a searing hot kiss while he let his cock stay inside of you for a moment longer. to feel the closeness. you were a lucky girl, you were now max's newest obsession.
he licked the bead of sweat off your neck, his cock twitched inside of you. perfect.
he curled up beside you soon after, his grip on you was possessive at the least and obsessive at the most. he felt like a lion with prey between its jaws, not biting hard enough to kill it. but just to keep it still. you were a sweet little thing in his arms.
maybe it was smart for you not to be around the track as much because of school, because if max had gotten a glimpse of the little crybaby leclerc all grown up, you two would've already been married by now.
but don't worry, be a good girl and you'll have a pretty ring in your future. the thoughts pooled in max's gut and made his softening cock twitch a little.
before he could go another round with you, you were fast asleep next to him. your soft snoring could be felt in his chest. he may have had to a little lying and manipulating before, but he wasn't going to fuck that sweet cunt while you were asleep.
he wasn't a monster. but that didn't mean he got out of your sleepy grasp and grabbed his phone from his jeans pocket to take some photos. not to share of course, he doesn't share. they'll be for his personal collection when you eventually go limping back to your brother.
come morning you were wrapped up in max's arms. you woke up with a throbbing headache and the sun that came through the window made you want to die. when you tried to wiggle in his grasp, he held on tighter.
he kissed you on the back of the neck, "good morning."
the sound of his low voice was like a shock to your system as you woke up quicker. you looked over your shoulder at him and swallowed. last night was barely pieced together. but you were naked next to him under the covers with one of his cats scratching at the door demanding breakfast.
when you tried to pull away he only pulled you back to him. your back against his broad chest. he said, "you're not getting away that easily." he rested his head on your shoulder, his arms around you tightened.
"what happened last night?" you croaked.
"ah don't worry. just tell your brother your safe and sound. you can stay here until he gets back home." he rubbed his cock up against your behind, "a woman like you shouldn't be alone in a city like this. lots of bad men out there that could hurt you."
"but not you?" you felt something bloom in your chest. the familiar pang from your youth.
he kissed your jaw and said, "of course. i'll always keep you safe." as if his cum wasn't dried to your inner thigh. but don't worry, he'll freshen it up once that pesky headache of yours is gone. after all, your sweet older brother was gone for another week.
-
"you know." charles said sometime later, he was in max's drivers room picking at the food on the table, "i feel like i should kill you for fucking my sister."
max was seated across from him, one leg over the other. he smirked, "and what's stopping you?"
charles shrugged, "i don't have to hear her talk about you all the time. i mean, at least i can vouch for you. you are practically family, better than some random guy that she met at school." he looked at his fellow driver, "will not forgive you for getting her pregnant though. and outside of marriage too. you should've heard our mother when she told her." he rubbed his forehead.
max chuckled, "well that'll be dealt with after the season. it feels wrong scheduling it between races. she deserves a lovely wedding."
"good, good. and i better see my nephew! we live in the same city, you better not lock her away!" charles shook his finger at max.
max laughed, "don't worry don't worry. but i cannot promise that he race for monaco when he grows up." then winked at his fellow driver (and future brother in law).
in the end, max hobbled together a narrative of the night you spent together. which led to a week together, which led to you getting pregnant by him. no one could've suspected that he could ever hurt a hair on your head. he was too in love with you, almost to an obsessive degree. he took your virginity and now you were taking his last name. <3
#bunny writes#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen smut#max smut#max verstappen#mv33 fic#mv33 x reader#mv33#mv1#mv1 x reader#mv1 x you#mv1 smut#mv33 smut#mv33 imagine#mv33 x you#formula 1 smut#formula one smut#formula one imagine#formula one fanfiction#formula 1#formula one#formula racing#formula 1 fanfic#f1 smut#f1 rpf#f1 fic#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1
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mr reca fic where heâs suffering a creative slump due to the lack of good scripts (by his standards) from various screenwriters. he feels himself going positively insane with every script heâs given.
itâs too dull. itâs too predictable. this one has no creative flair whatsoever!! that one just doesnât spark enough imagination!!!
itâs troublesome, really. some think heâs really going through it, while others believe the scripts heâs been given wonât bring him enough money. but really, who cares about monetary value when it is he who cannot even begin to picture himself enjoying the process that comes with each script?
and so that is how he finds himself wandering around aimlessly. sometimes the outdoors is necessary for the mind, and who knows? perhaps he really will find something that will give him a spark. hmm, those trees are looking a little dull. the sky overhead is too cloudy. hm? did he just hear thunderâ
something collides into his chest, a choked âoof!â following soon after. he stumbles backwards a little, papers flying through the air around him. he blinks once, twice, at the sight of you on the ground, muttering something under your breath before a sharp gasp escapes you, hastily scrambling to gather the papers fluttering and strewn around.
one such paper falls into his hands. he glances over its contents, skimming through it as he goes to pass it over to you with an apology at the tip of his tongue, only to freeze.
this⊠this is genius! this is absolutely the pinnacle of writing!! while a little rough around the edges (as drafts usually tend to be), his once clouded mind is now clear, giving way to a blank canvas which slowly depicts the imagery your writing induces. idea after idea pours into his brain as he can visualise exactly what he wants, his body trembling and heart pounding as he insantly fixates on your panicked form still collecting all the fallen papers.
âyes⊠yes! this is what i was looking for! everything about this is pure artistry! the possibilities are endless, the sky is the limit!!â
this is possibly the happiest and freest he has felt in what seems like eons! seriously, compared to those other mind-numbing scripts this truly is the pinnacle of writing itself.
a laugh full of pure, unadulterated glee escapes him, careful not to crinkle the god-sent paper cradled in his palms. âyou! youâre a genius!â
âiâm a whaâŠ?â
he whirls in the direction of the source of the voice, further praises and a proposal for a collaboration on the tip of his tongue, only for his breath to catch in his throat.
you⊠youâre so radiant! even with that disheveled appearance and absolutely adorable confused expression youâre giving him, he never realised such beauty existed! not only does your writing fill him with endless creativity, but his pounding heart, parched throat and warming skin tells him youâre definitely the main character!
but wait! if you were to be the main character, then would that make him the main characterâs love interest? surely he wouldnât have had such a clichĂ© meet-cute like bumping into each other if he wasnât the love interest! but what if there is a second love interest? no, no, he can oust themâŠ
you, on the other hand, believe youâre about to get whiplash instead of the man, baffled at how he instantly switched from a maniac to stark silence to muttering senselessly with a dreamy expression.
well, each to their own. you have more pressing matters, and thatâs to quickly return home and continue fantasising before you forget the idea! but first, you have to get the last piece of paper backâŠ
âum⊠sir? can i have my paper back, please?â
in an instant, he kneels in front of you. now that youâre at eye level, he certainly is very handsome. if you didnât know any better, you would have thought this was some movie or drama plot with him as the main lead! oh, but why is he holding your handsâ
âyes, i will spend the rest of my life with you.â
ââŠwhat?â
tldr; youâre just a silly writer who daydreams far too much for their own good, and somehow managed to bag top-tier director mr reca with the power of said daydreams. (his ever-growing obsession with you is concerning to say the least but, hey! what genius isnât at least a little insane?)
#sophie talks : concepts <3#HE IS JUST A SILLY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH COBGRATS FOR FINALLY BEING REAL AFTER SO LONG MR RECA MY LOVE#i wanna turn this into a long ficâŠ. delusional meets delusionalâŠ.. grrrâŠâŠ#when he sees u for the first time u have the sparkly shoujo filters and everything no i do not make the rules#mr reca x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#mr reca x you#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you
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Mr. Bridgerton and the Baker
Benedict Bridgerton x Reader
Summary: Covered in flour. It is how she usually spent her days, working hard at her family's bakery. She just hadn't expected to have met him in such a state.
Word Count: 11.8k
Warnings: pining, angst, fluff, a small assault (reader gets hit, not by Benedict!), mention of pregnancy (like, literally a line or two),
A/N: Did I write an entire fic barely based on that one scene in Camp Rock where Mitchie is covered in flour? Yes. Do I regret it? No.
With the melting of snow and the promise of new starts, the social season was nearly upon the ton, nearly upon all the potential suitors and debutantesâall waiting with bated breath to secure a match this year. Of course, those in waiting were of high status, usually tied to the aristocracy or drowning in wealth beyond compare.
The others? The ones not blessed with endless funds or pure luck of royal lineage had the privilege, nay, honor to serve those who would be so fortunate. For the many, it included servicing the estatesâbutlers, ladyâs maids, governesses, home chefs and the like. For the patrons on Tilbury Street, it included the less sought after roles, polishers, cobblers, modistes and bakeries. One bakery in particular was the prime choice for the aristocracy, a diamond in the rough as some may say.Â
â
âI just simply donât understand why we cannot have our chefs prepare the pastries for the ball,â Eloise Bridgerton nearly groaned, her arm hooked onto her motherâs. They had been walking up and down Tilbury Street for the better part of twenty minutes, simply enjoying the fresh spring weather. âIâve never known them to make horrid dishes.â
âItâs the first Bridgerton Ball of the season, Eloise,â the dowager viscountess murmured politely. âAlong with it being the first Kate has had the pleasure of hosting, putting an order in here is a fresh foot forward, one thatâll impress our guests.â
Eloise barked back a laugh. âIf it is so important, why is Kate not here to make the order herself?â
âThat, dear sister, is an excellent point.â Following close behind the two Bridgerton ladies was a rather tall shadow, equally as dashing and nearly as cleverâBenedictâthe second eldest son of the Bridgerton brood. âSurely Anthony could spare his wife for one afternoon, I canât imagine it being so difficult to pry them from their bedroomââ
âBenedict Bridgerton!â Violet snapped, turning hot on her heels to face her son. He could only laugh.
âOh Mother, you must relax,â he said lovingly, patting both hands on her shoulders. âYou know better than I that it could have been a far fouler thoughtâwhy, I can easily imagine three other ways I could have expressed my way of thinking.â
âAh, ever the poet, Benedict,â Eloise smiled wryly, pushing her way to the front of their clump. No one had the heart to mention the glaring fact that it was likely she didnât know the way in which they were headed.Â
âThis bakery,â Violet continued half-heartedly. âIs a prestigious supplier for the tonâyou may recall their exquisite cake that we had ordered for Daphneâs wedding.â
Benedict hummed contently. âIt was a good cake,â he practically nodded off at the thought. The decadent sponge nearly brought him to tearsâof course, it could have very well been the relief from undue stress of Daphneâs season altogether, having nearly lost his older brother to an unnecessary duel.
âI think it was far too sweet,â Eloise said, scrunching her nose in distaste. âI had to drink nearly three cups of tea to clear out the sugar on my tongue.â
âAh, but whatâs life without a little bit of sweetness?â Benedict nearly sang.
âPerfectly fulfilling,â his younger sister quipped back.
The dowager viscountess could only sigh, her eyes reaching up to the clouds above. While she loved nothing more than being the mother of all eight of her perfect children, their endless bickering and bantering grew vexing. It merely took the Bridgerton siblings another minute of arguing before stopping in front of a quaint storefrontâthe sickeningly sweet aroma filling the street. âWeâre here.â
âI could have told you as much,â Benedict mumbled, rubbing his temple lightly. âThe scent is⊠overpowering.â If he were lucky, the headache that was quickly forming would dull fast.
âBut Benedict,â Eloise turned hot on her heels. âWhatâs life without a bit of sweetness?â
Violet Bridgerton was quick to catch her second eldest's hand before it met the back of Eloiseâs head. âIf itâs too much for you, dear,â she released her grip. âPlease feel free to wait for us out here. It should only take a moment.â
âLike a âmomentâ at the modiste?â Benedict crossed his arms, his brow nearly touching his hairline. âIf I recall, the last time I accompanied you to the dressmaker, I spent over an hour basking in the summer sun.â
âNothing logical stopped you from coming in,â Eloise drawled. âOf course, if you wanted to managed to stay pleasant with the seamstress, one should have kept it in his trousersââ Â
âWeâll only be a moment,â Violet hushed Eloise quickly, grasping the top of her arm firmly. âThere seems to be little wait. Weâll be on our way shortly.â
He huffed towards the sunâwhile there had been little heat near the start of the English spring, the sun was warm against his skin. Benedict enjoyed being outdoors more often than not, it was usually the reason he accompanied his mother on their errands nearly every other day of the season. That, of course, and the fact it got his worrying mama off of his back to be wed. With Anthony finally securing a match, it was only fitting for Violet Bridgerton to be working her way down her list of endless childrenâhaving only two of eight married off. âIt should only be a moment,â Benedict reassured himself, watching various other families and couples walk by.Â
That is, until he heard a rather loud bang coming from the alley beside him. He should have known betterâhe was taught betterâthan to investigate outlandish sounds, especially in town, but Benedict Bridgerton was nothing if not curious. He peeked around the corner, holding his breath, preparing to be met with a wild animal of some kind. His view was shaky at best, hardly could see a thing around the bricks. If he wanted a better look, heâd have to take a few steps towards the unusual noise.Â
A large white cloud had enveloped the small alley, it was difficult to even see a few meters ahead, let alone what could have caused the loud commotion. Benedict waved his hand through the mysterious fog, trying to clear some air. âHello?â He heard a soft squeak. An animal, it had to have been, Benedict was sure of it now. âIs anyone there?âÂ
A cough rang through the alley, startling him more than rogue vermin could have. The cloud had begun to dissipate, the white settling on the stone street below. Flour, if he had to guess, given the location.
âIâm alright,â a voice murmured quietly, another soft cough following quickly after. The shape of a person came into view, the air finally clearing enough for him to make sense of the scene he came upon. It was one of a woman now covered head to toe in the white powderâshe had no distinguishable features, the flour was caking every bit of her body and dress. Just striking eyes that made Benedictâs heart jump to his throat. âJust⊠made a mess.â
âSo it seems,â Benedict hummed, stepping over a pile of powder to get closer. âDo you require any help?â
âNo, no,â she laughed. âI wouldnât want you to get dirty. I fear Iâve got quite enough of that for the both of us.â
âI donât mind getting dirty,â Benedict said quickly, his tongue moving faster than his brain. âBut⊠yes, I suppose itâd be for the best if I refrained from getting any flour on me. May I ask howâŠ?â
âClumsy,â she uttered simply, the shrug of her shoulders speaking nothing but truth. âI must have the slipperiest fingers in townâI wish I could say this was the first timeâŠâ
âManage to cover yourself in flour often?â Benedictâs lips pulled into a jesting smirk.
âNearly every other day,â the woman sighed. âWeâve grown accustomed to purchasing an extra sack or two just for situations like these."
âI hardly doubt you could be that clumsy,â Benedict laughed, leaning against the stone wall. âBut, I am painting quite the image in my head.â
âOh I do hope Iâm decent in that image, Mr. Bridgerton,â she giggled, curtsying in a near-mocking manner.
âHow do you knowââ
âEveryone knows your family, Mr. Bridgerton, Iâd be a fool to admit I donât know who you areâthough you and your brothers all blur together, so I am merely taking a shot in the dark in which of the four you are.â
âOh?â
She nodded once, a flurry of powder falling from her hair. A muffled shout from the back door startled her, grabbing her attention. âAh,â the woman waved the air in front of her face, âI suppose I should take my leaveâget cleaned up.â
âOf course,â Benedict said simply. âI wonât keep you.â In nearly an instant, the mysterious dusted lady disappeared from view, diving into the back door. He was taken aback by her candidnessâhaving addressed him so forwardly without the pleasantries of a name exchange. âDamn,â he mumbled to himself, kicking residual flour off of his polished shoe, âI never asked for her name.â Would it be too forward to knock on the back door to ask for her? Benedict Bridgerton couldnât wrap his head around the interactionâshe nearly sent him into a tizzy.
âBrother?âÂ
Eloise stood at the end of the alley, clutch in hand, face pinched in confusion.Â
âAh, I suppose youâre finished?â
âHardly,â Eloise scoffed, âMother insisted on doubling the initial order âjust to be safeâ. Sheâll be out in a moment.âÂ
âPerhaps I should go inside to accompany herââ
âAnd leave your unwed sister unchaperoned in this part of town?â Eloise pressed a hand to her brotherâs chest, stopping him dead in his tracks. His eyes danced quickly to the street in the distance, clearly not paying any attention to his sister. âBenedict?â
âHm?â He glanced down. âAh, maybe we should both go back insideââ
âYouâreâŠâ she pushed on him harder, nearly sending him backwards. âActing strange. Not terribly long ago you wanted nothing to do with this place and now, youâre dying to jump into the building that brought you so much strife?â Eloise removed her hand from him, settling it down by her side as she glanced at him up and down. The blues of his outfit were covered slightly in a white powerânot enough to really notice, but enough to give the appearance of filth. âAnd youâre covered in⊠flour?â
âI donât wish to share every moment of my day with you, dear Sister,â Benedict said simply, sighing contently. âMy business is my business.â
âBusiness,â Eloise parroted. âSure.â
Violet Bridgerton had finished the order quickly, mumbling something about the higher prices this time of yearâshe had gotten a good deal regardless. Benedict was hardly listening, for he was already planning his next trip to this very bakery, hoping to meet the girl in flour once more.Â
He never did get the chance, to go back to town. His studies took up most of his free time, any other moment he had was spent with his ever-growing family. Just recently, his sister Daphne brought over her newest additionâanother daughter named Belindaâwho happened to be yet another spitting image of her mother. Benedict had a theory that every new Bridgerton baby will simply just inherit all the Bridgerton features, so far he had been proven correct.Â
âDamn,â Benedict mumbled, violently dabbing a paint brush into his water cup, the colors swirling from the end.
He had been in his studio for the last few hours, mixing endless pigments and oils together, trying to concoct the color in his mindâs eye. It was impossible, he theorized, to create the exact shades and hues of her eyes. It was the most striking thing he remembered about her appearanceâsave for the copious amount of white flour caking her formâand Benedict Bridgerton had come to the conclusion that her eyes were simply forged by God Himself, a color not meant for mortal recreation.
âWhy can I notâŠâ He sighed, slumping back in his stool, paintbrush nearly hitting his trousers. âThis is impossible.â
The grand clock beside the door chimed out. It was nearly time to get ready for Anthony and Kateâs ballâan occasion he was most dreading, save for enjoying the few pastries that came from the quaint bakery down in town. Reluctantly, he began to pry himself from his studio and made his way to the washroom, preparing to soak away any remnants of her.
â
âMother,â (Y/N) chimed out, tying the serving apron to her waist, âI donât see the reason for my attendance this evening. Surely the hosts of the event will have their own serving staff?â
â(Y/N),â her mother exasperated, throwing a towel down. âYour brothers are ill and bedridden and have been the last few days. Your father and I are counting on you to help fulfill the order, my back isnât what it used to be, if you recall.â Â
The girl sighed, her eyes rolling right up to the cracking ceiling. âHow funny, it seems your back flares up nearly in time for deliveries to be made,â the girl mumbled.
âWhat was that?â Her mother turned quickly towards her only daughter. âIâm sure I misheard you.â
âYou must have,â (Y/N) sang. âFor I said Iâm willing to help with the delivery, mother.â
The older woman narrowed her brow. âNever do I hear such sass from the boys⊠Perhaps a bit of manual labor will refocus your priorities.âÂ
âI already agreed,â (Y/N) reiterated. âAs if I had terribly too much of a choiceâŠâ
âNo,â her mother clicked, slapping the a rather large ball of dough that resided on the floured surface. âYou do not. Now come, help your mother roll this out.â
She had gotten ready for the ball in record timeâseeing as how sheâs never gotten ready for one. (Y/N) dug through her motherâs wardrobe, finding an old and somewhat outdated green dress to wear, but it did the trick just fine. It was far nicer than the frocks she had owned anyhow, a light embroidery laced the edges and was sure to be run over by her fingertips endlessly throughout the evening. Â
âThe carriage is here!â Her father couldnât have shouted louder throughout the small flat. Their home resided above the bakery, a quaint little thing with only two bedroomsâ(Y/N) had the pleasure of sleeping in a rather over-glorified closet. If she reached her arms out, sheâd be able to touch two of the walls easily, but like everything in her life, she made do. Unexpected child? Unexpected room.Â
âIâll be right there,â (Y/N) said, tying the now-cleaned apron around her waist, checking herself in the reflection of her water pitcher. âDamned hair,â her fingers moved to tuck a loose ringlet back into positionâshe had spent the better part of the evening trying to style it.Â
âWe need to load the carriage and make way to Bridgerton House,â her father repeated, smoothing his formalwear out. He hardly had the chance to wear it, seeing as situations like this happen only once in a while. âWe must make a good impression, perhaps weâll find more business this evening.â
âThatâll be a blessing,â her mother agreed, heading down the stairs to the bakery. âWe could always use more business and the dowager viscountess is well liked around the ton, surely sheâll have pleasant things to say about our work.â
âI thought we let the pastries âspeak for themselvesâ,â (Y/N) chimed in, carefully picking up a parcel. Her parents simply glared at her, allowing their daughter to silently move along with the loading process.Â
The silence continued throughout the lengthy ride to Bridgerton Houseâthe bakers not uttering a word until disembarking to unload all of the sweets. True to her original thought, the Bridgertons had their staff do the bulk of the unloading, carrying each parcel and box into the grand room that was to be the heart of the ball, all that was left to move was the elegant cake specially ordered by the dowager viscountess.
âDo you need a hand?â
âOh, that would beââ (Y/N) turned around to the mysterious voice, only to find the same Bridgerton boy from earlier in the week standing behind her. âIâMr. Bridgerton, Iâm sure I can find my father to assist, you really donât need toââ
âI insist,â Benedict held up his hand, effectively cutting her off. âI shouldnât allow a lady to carry such a thing on her own, it would be most improper.â
âIâm certainly no lady,â she scoffed, readjusting her apron. âIâm not a part of your âseasonâ or whatever it is you lot do during the spring and summer months.â
Benedict barked out a laugh. âDebuted into the Marriage Mart or not, youâre still a lady and I am ever the gentleman, so please, indulge me.â
A blinding heat flushed across her cheeksâshe was sure it was visible from down the street. (Y/N) stepped to the side to allow Benedict to grab ahold of one side of the tray, her hands curling around the other. âThank you⊠for your help.â
âItâs no bother,â Benedict said truthfully. âIâve been practically bored out of my skull all afternoon, this is truly the highlight of my evening.â
âHelping me carry a cake?â She asked, turning a corner carefully.
âSeeing you again,â he hummed unabashedly, noting the way her grip stiffened. âThough I must say, I think I prefer you without the flour.â
âHow do you know that girl was me? I was covered head to toe.â
âYour eyes,â Benedict said simply. âTheyâre the most expressive and exquisite eyes Iâve had the pleasure of viewing.â
Benedict Bridgerton. The man who made her speechless.
âThat, and I made a bold assumption when I saw you and the pastries arrive this evening.â He laughed lightly, afraid to drop the masterpiece. âI assumed correctly, no?â
âYou,â (Y/N) tried to allow her cheeks to cool before continuing.âWould be correct. Very wise you are, Mr. Bridgerton.â
âBenedict.â
âBenedict,â she repeated softly, twisting herself to set the cake down on the table. âMy apologies.â
The ballroom was grandâmuch nicer than any place sheâd dream of residing inâdelicate decorations hung from the sconces, flowers covered nearly every inch of the free space. It was, in every meaning, elegant. âThis is⊠where you live?â
âAh,â Benedict rubbed the back of his neck. âMy brother has been kind to allow me to stay here since he married, seeing as I only have my own property in the country. But yes, this is one of the homes I grew up in.â
âOne of the homes,â she repeated back to him. âAnd here I thought I was spoiled with my broom closet.â
He turned a vibrant shade of red. âOh! I didn't mean toââ
Her laughter filled the ballroom, the lightness practically lifting Benedict upwards. âI was merely teasing. Iâm well aware of your status and wealth, Mr. BridgertonââÂ
âBenedict.â
âAh! Sorry,â (Y/N) felt the twinge of shame hit her chest, it was small but enough to keep her in line to avoid making the mistake again. âI meant it in jest.â
âFunny girl,â Benedict clicked, waving his finger lightly. âYouâve got quite a sense of humor.â
âGrowing up with nothing more than sacks of flour and parcels of sugar allows one to get creative with her jokes,â she explained carefully, treading lightly as to not make it sound completely miserable. âThough, I think they were a better audience anyhowâŠâ
âYou wound me,â a hand grabbed his heart, knees buckling towards the ground. âOh how the lady wounds me.â
âI believe I told you, Benedict, I certainly am no lady.â
âWell, the lady has neglected to give me her name,â he peeked up from the floorâhaving found quite a cozy position. âSo how else should I address such a fair maiden?â
âFair maiden,â she scoffed playfully, voice barely above a whisper. âCertainly am nothing close to a maiden⊠but, if you must know,â she paused, âmy name is (Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N).â
â(Y/N)âŠâ Benedict repeated it, mostly to himself. He rose from the floor, eyes not leaving her own. âWhat a beautiful name.â
âIâthank you. I suppose you should give my parents such a compliment, though. I am simply the recipient of such a gift.â
âWell, when I ask your parents for permission to court their daughter, Iâll pass the message along.â
She froze.Â
âAh, what was that?â
âI hate to be so bold,â Benedict sighed, shoving a hand into his pocket. âBut I feel the need to let you know of my intentionsâmy interest in you.â
âOh you must be mistaken,â (Y/N) shook her head. âYouâd want nothing to do with a girl like me. Surely there are other women in the ton who strike your fancy?â
âNope,â he said simply. âNot a one. You, on the other hand, with your striking eyes and seemingly endless beauty, piqued my interest. If I may be honest, I havenât stopped thinking about our encounter in the alleyâitâs been on the forefront of my mind for days.â
She blinked, the gears in her head trying to keep up with the words Benedict was speaking. âBut I am not from your world, Benedict. Even if I was interested in pursuing a courtshipââ
âAre you not?â His eyes struck wide open. âIâm quite the catch, you see. Well-bred, scholarly and, if I might say so myself, Iâm quite the talented artist. Easy on the eyes, too.â
âBenedict.â He stopped and looked at the woman. She was practically glowing in the candlelight. âWhile Iâm not saying Iâm⊠not interested, I canât help but feel like you are infatuated with the idea of me and not⊠me.â
âHow do you mean?â
She laughed humorlessly. âYou donât know me, truly. My likes, dislikes, how I take my tea, what weather I fancyââ
âSee,â Benedict grabbed her hand, âI wish to know those things. Is that not the purpose of a courtship?â
âI am not from your world, Benedict. I have priorities, a duty to my family and our businessâI canât spend a moment thinking of the frivolity of a courtship with a man of your status.â
âBut if I were, say, the butcherâs son it would be different?â
âYes,â she removed her hand from his. âOf course it would be. Iâm surprised you havenât thought this through.â
âI have been thinking it through since weâve met,â Benedict nearly spat, feeling anger bubble up in his chest. âI am not the type of man who wishes to court just anyone, you know.â
âSo you wish to court me just because you can? Because how ever could I say no?â
âIâof course not!â
âWeâre perfect strangers who shared a momentâalbeit an endearing oneâout in the middle of an alley. We both cleaned up and went about our lives,â she shook her head. âNothing cosmic or magical about it.â
âI did not expect you to be so against the idea, unless⊠thereâs another man of your affections?â
She groaned, pinching her nose. âNo. No other man. Has a woman ever said no to you before, Mr. Bridgerton?â
He paused, clearly taken aback.
âWell,â she smoothed the tablecloth, the wrinkle in the bottom corner was annoying her, âlet me be the first, then. No, I am not interested in a courtship, nor do I think I have any interest in a courtshipâwith you or anyoneâso do not take it terribly too personally.âÂ
âNever? Donât you plan to have a family of your own?â
âI already have a family,â she said simply. âI have no time for foolish ideas of having an adoring husband, three beautiful babies and a peaceful life out in the country.â
âThat seems awfully specificââ
âNo matter,â she waved. âThank you for your interest, Mr. Bridgerton, I am flattered, truly.â
She walked away, hoping to hide in the carriage the rest of the night. Was she a fool? To turn down a courtship from such a sophisticated and notable man of the ton?
Benedict seemed to think so. True to her comment, he couldnât recall a time in which a woman had rejected his advancesânever in the name of a courtship, this would be his firstâso to watch her walk away stung deeply, like a thorn to his heart. He was genuinely interested in the girl, he knew it. He just needed to prove it to her.
â
Days had passed since the Bridgerton ball and (Y/N) had successfully faked a stomach ache and ârestedâ in the carriage until the night was over and done with. She was busy in the kitchen, working hard on a batch of fresh loaves for the storefront. Flour dusted her apronâthe humor not lost on herâas she thought more and more about Benedictâs proposal.Â
The bell to the shop rang out, her brotherâs voice gave a muffled greeting, nothing out of the ordinary for a regular day at the bakery. It was calming, to work with the dough, taking virtually nothing and creating something delicious was soothing to her soul. She continued to knead the dough, working it like clay against her palms before the door to the back swung wide open.
â(Y/N), I do believe you have a visitor,â Harry, her second eldest brother smirked. He had finally recovered enough to help around the shop again, much to their motherâs delight. âOne of the gentlemen variety, if you must know.â Â
She stopped dead in her tracks.
âDid he give you a name?â
âOnly asked for you,â Harry shrugged. âI figured you mustâve been expecting him,â he walked closer to her, taking over the kneading, âbrought you flowers and looks rather fancy.â
She wiped her hands off on the already soiled apron, clapping her hands once for good measure. âDonât over-work those, Iâll shove your face into the oven.â
Harryâs laugh rang out through the kitchen as she braved the door to the store. She knew it was inevitable, to expect him to come and try to woo her again, though she wasnât expecting it so soon. The door felt rough against her palms, swinging wide open to the storefront. Sure enough, a one Benedict Bridgerton was standing by the counter, eyeing the various loaves on display.Â
âAh, Miss. (Y/L/N),â Benedict said, almost bowing. âIâm delighted you could join me.â
âMr. Bridgerton,â (Y/N) smiled sickeningly sweet, forced beyond all measure. âWhat a⊠surprise.â
âA wonderful one, I presume?â He jested. Her eyes found the colorful bouquet quickly, she was trying her hardest to not make eye contact. It was ornateâfancy, just like her brother saidâdecked out in a healthy mix of wild blooms and expensive looking flowers. âAh! My apologies, these are for you,â Benedict said, lifting the bouquet across the counter.Â
She reluctantly took them, cradling the bunch as if it were a newborn babe. âThank you, Mr. Bridgerton.â
He swallowed thickly at the formality of his name, but bit his tongue. âI must say, you looked exquisite at the ball, but I think your natural element suits you more favorably, why, youâre practically glowing.â Benedict pointed to her floured apron and messy frock, having been in the kitchen all morning. âLess flour than the first time.â
Her grip tightened around the bouquet. âIs there anything I can help you with? Perhaps another order for your mother?â
The man shook his head, laughing lightly. âNo, no order. I just wished to see you.â The bluntness of his answer nearly shocked her, but the effect wore quickly.
âPerhaps I wished the opposite?â
âOh, my dear,â Benedict practically mewled. âIf that were true, you wouldnât have come out here in the first place, now would you?â
Like a gaping trout, she had no reply. Perhaps he was right. She didnât have to come out to the front of the store, the gnawing curiosity got the better of her and practically pulled her through that door.Â
âIf you are here to try to get me to change my mindââ
âI wish to spend the afternoon with you.â
She blinked.
âJust one afternoon, allow me to try and prove how serious I am about courting you,â Benedict said earnestly. âAfter that, if you are still of the same mind, I will never bother you again. You have my word.â
Hesitantly, she lowered the bouquet, her shoulders slumping. She was thinking so hard about his offer, Benedict swore he could see steam rising from her ears. âI⊠cannot just leave the bakery, itâs my familyâs livelihoodââ
âIâll buy the lot,â Benedict said, pressing a handful of coins onto the counter top. âSell me whatever it is you make in a dayâa small price to pay for a moment of your time.â
âYou cannot simply throw your money at things and expect it to always work out for you, Mr. Bridgerton,â she said sternly, eyeing the sack of coins longingly. She would be kidding herself if the offer didnât sound appealing. âI am no woman on the corner, you cannot buy my time.â
âThen consider it a tip,â Benedict hummed, pushing the bag closer to her. âFor your excellent service at the Bridgerton ball. Nothing nefarious, nothing expected of you. Just a man buying some bread.â
âLoads of bread,â (Y/N) mumbled, quickly calculating how many loaves he truly was willing to walk out with. The amount of money was unclear, but if she had to wager, he practically bought out the whole storefront. Her parents would be thrilledâthey could even take a rare day off, just because their daughter spent the afternoon with a practical stranger. âFine. One afternoon.â
The glee that washed across his body did not go unnoticed, he practically lit up the room with his joy.
âYou wonât regret this,â he said seriously. âTrust that my intentions are pure andââ
ââhonest and true,â she droned, finishing his thought. âYes, yes, I understand.â
Benedict nodded. âRight. Well, shall we?â
âWill you allow me a moment to change? I do not think you wish to spend your day with a girl caked in flour.â
âFunny enough, I wouldnât have it any other way,â he grinned. She was unamused. âBut, if you insist.â
It didnât take long for her to clean up, a change in her frock and a readjustment to her hair was all that was needed. She found herself staring in her mirror a bit longer than usual, taking in her features. Could he really be interested in her? He seemed so taken by her looks when she herself considered them⊠so plain. She shook her head, effectively jumping out of her haze and proceeded to head back downstairs to meet her suitor for the afternoon.Â
âPerhaps you were right,â Benedict said softly. âThis may be your best look to date.â
A heat warmed her cheeks and it wasnât the summer sun. âFlattery will get you nowhere, Mr. BridgertonââÂ
âAh!â Benedict waved a finger. âIf we are to spend the afternoon together, I insist you call me by my given name.â
Her lips pressed together in protest. âIf you insistââ
âOh and I do, my darling,â Benedict nearly sang.
âBenedict,â she corrected. âWhat sorts of plans do you have for this afternoon? Surely you did not produce such a grand gesture only to leave our day up to chance.â
âI am feeling quite parched,â Benedict said, almost ignoring her comment. âCare for a spot of tea?â In their walk down the street, he had managed to stop right in front of a quaint little tea shop. She hardly noticed.
âAnd if I do not care for tea?â
âI hear they have excellent scones and biscuits,â Benedict countered. âSurely not sweeter than you, but delicious all the same.â
âSweeter than my scones, you mean?â
Benedict raised a brow, puckering his lips lightly. She heard him correctly the first time. âSo. Tea?â
They sat at a small table near the back of the shop, a hot pot of herbal tea sat between them. It looked entirely domestic, a pot of tea shared between lovers, any onlooker could have deduced as much.
âPass the honey?â (Y/N) pointed to the small jar next to Benedictâs hand. He nodded and pushed it closer to her.
âYou take your tea with honey?â He probed.
âHerbal tea, yes,â she confirmed, stirring a spoonful into her cup. âIf it is black tea, a healthy amount of milk is entirely welcomed in my drink, no sugar.â
âInteresting,â Benedict said, watching her intently stir the honey until it dissolved into the hot liquid. âI prefer plain black tea myself, though occasionally my brother Colin will bring exquisite teas from his travels across the seas.â
âAnd Colin is which brother?â The question slipped out quickly, she hardly noticed she had asked.
âOne of my two younger brothers,â Benedict smiled gently. âNot much younger than I, but I do have a few years on him, not as many as I have on Gregory, of course. Heâs practically the babe of the familyâsave for sweet Hyacinth.â
âEight childrenâŠâ She thought aloud. âWere your parents working towards a record number?â
âI always jest that they wished to complete the entire alphabet,â Benedict mused. âBut, alas, twenty six seems a bit much.â He took a sip of his tea, enjoying the lingering aroma. âSo, you know there are eight of us?â
âEveryone knows your family,â she said simply. âDo not flatter yourself.â
âOf course,â he hummed into his cup, a smile brewing from his lips. âYou have siblings, yes? I believe I met your brother earlier.â
âTwo older brothers,â (Y/N) groaned lightly. âJack and Harry, the latter being the one you met. They are⊠oh how do I put this? Exceptionally irritating.â
Benedict laughed into his drink. âSounds quite a lot like my siblings.â
âMy parents expect Jack to take over the bakery,â she explained quietly, her voice lowering. âBut he has no desire to bake whatsoever. He can hardly make a sponge cake.â
âAnd a sponge cake isâŠ?â
âOne of the most basic cake recipes a baker can learn,â she continued. âI usually end up being the one who pulls the slack Jack creates.â
âAnd Harry?â
âWhen he isnât galavanting across town with the ladies of the night, he is holed up in his room doing Lord knows what. Certainly nothing that helps the family business.â
âYou care a lot about your family and the business,â Benedict said, stating what is clearly the obvious. âSurely your parents see it too?â
âOh no,â she shook her head wildly. âThat is the most asinine part of the ordeal! They simply do not see me as an asset to the bakeryâsomething that should rightfully be mine should the time come.â She sighed, throwing her head into her hands. âBut, I am expected to keep my head down and decorate cakes like a good girl.â
âYou say that as if you are their pet,â Benedict scoffed lightly. âDo they truly expect such obedience from you?â
âI wasnât wanted,â she said simply. âMy parents merely wanted a son to take over the businessâJack, heâs the oldest. Good for nothing, as it turns out. Harry was to have an extra set of hands around the bakery, but now heâs their prodigal child. Me? I was shacked with an over glorified closet for a room because there truly was no space for me.â She sniffled. âAt least they got a decorator out of it.â
Benedict tentatively put his hand on her shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. âYouâre more than a decorator. Surely your parents see that too?â
âTheyâll see some use of me when I get home,â she said into her cup. âSeeing as you bought out our store just to spend a measly few hours with me. Iâm sure that in of itself is worth having an accidental daughter.â
Benedict all but scoffed at this. âYou cannot be serious.â
âNot everyone comes from loving families that wish to do nothing more than pop out babies left and right,â (Y/N) deadpanned, placing her cup back on the table. âIf it were truly up to my parents, they wouldâve stopped after Jack. But, much like the society you come from, an heir and a spare, I suppose.â
âAnd you?â Benedict almost felt afraid to ask.Â
âItâs like you said,â she finished her cup of tea. âI am simply a pet.â
Benedict was never one for fights, but he suddenly had the urge to put his fist through a handful of faces in that moment. âThatâs awful.â It was all he could say.Â
âThatâs life,â she shrugged, picking up a biscuit and examining it closely. Her nose scrunched. âIf you were trying to gain my favor, perhaps you shouldâve taken me somewhere with better biscuits. Itâs insulting to a baker to see such poorly made ones, especially in a place like this.â
He knew she was trying to change the subject. âI shall do better next time.â
âYes, I suppose youââ she stopped. âThat was a rotten trick and you know it.â
âI am certainly no magician, (Y/N),â Benedict finished his tea, hiding the most devilish of smiles from behind the cup. âBut seeing as weâre finished with our pot, perhaps we can take a turn about the park?â
âYouâd risk public outcry and a scandal for being seen with a commoner in the park?â (Y/N) asked, pulling herself from her seat. âWhat would Lady Whistledown say?â
âYou know of Lady Whistledown?â
âEveryone knows of Lady Whistledown,â she scoffs. âI may not have the pleasure to afford her column every time she publishes, but occasionally our regulars will leave their pamphlet for me once theyâre finished.â
âOnly read the good bits, I take it?â
âAs much as I donât understand the world you come from, Benedict, reading Whistledown helps me fill the gaps I am so obviously lacking. Truly, even if I did grow up in your society, I doubt Iâd be able to understand much more than I do now anyway.â
âI reckon youâre right,â Benedict said, a laugh escaping through his nose. âIâm not one for society anywayânever cared much for it.â
âSurely news of this would cause a scandal, though?â
âNews that I am simply walking in the park with a friend? Oh how the newsboys will have trouble selling that story,â Benedict mused, leaning down towards the lady. âPerhaps if we were seen doing something less proper, I suppose. Do you wish to be doing something less proper, (Y/N)?â
She didnât dignify his question with a response, though, the rouge on her cheeks was answer enough.
â
It only took a handful of minutes to walk to the park, the tea shop was so close already. How convenient.
The other ladies in the park, the ones of a more genteel breeding, they were dressed finer than anything (Y/N) could have put on. She felt out of place. She usually did, of course, but something about her outdated frock in contrast to how striking Benedict looked and dressed? It felt rather foolish.Â
Perhaps it was the notoriety of the Bridgerton walking beside her, or the self consciousness of being underdressed enough to catch the eyes of anyone walking past, but it felt like she was a spectacleâsomething in a museum or on display. She was holding bright light, nearly shouting at everyone that she was not enough, not worthy to be in this park, let alone with this man.
âI am tired of walking,â (Y/N) said suddenly.Â
âWe have only just begun,â he laughed. âBut if you require a respiteââ
âLetâs sit,â (Y/N) said just as quickly, practically running to the edge of the pond. Perfectly out of sight to everyone.
âHow secluded,â Benedict mused. âI daresay, I never thought youâd be so agreeableââ
âHush,â (Y/N) admonished, holding a finger up. âI am simply in need of a breakâaway from prying eyes.â
Benedict nodded, not daring to pry further. He watched her slump to the ground, her dress skirt billowing around her like a cloud before settling to the gravity. He continued to stand. âI rather like this park.â
âA park is a park.â
âHave you been before?â
âHere?â She shook her head. âObviously not.â
âMy family, we would come to London during the social season,â Benedict explained. âOur usual residence is out in Kentâanyhow, my father had this spectacular notion to come to the park every week as a family. Looking back, it was probably to save face and show a united Bridgerton front.â
She looked up at Benedict, who was currently plucking a few leaves off of the low hanging branches of the tree. âSounds wise.â
âHe was the wisest,â Benedict agreed. âKeeping the ever-growing number of Bridgerton children entertained became a sport. Anthony, Colin and I were always squabbling, drove my mother rightfully insane, so, my father had a bright idea.â
âPaste your lips together?â She offered.Â
Benedict knelt down, close to the edge of the water. âNo, but I do not doubt that idea crossed their minds,â he laughed, bringing the leaves in his hands to view, âmy father suggested racing.â
âHorse racing?â
He shook his head. âWeâd each pick a leaf and follow it to the other edge of the pondâkept us entertained for hours, running back and forth to reset our leaves and chase them down.â
âSmart man,â she hummed, genuinely impressed by the late viscountâs cleverness.
âSo, pick your contender,â Benedict said softly, displaying the spare leaves like cards in a deck.Â
âYou are serious?â
âDead serious, Iâm afraid,â Benedict clicked, pushing his hand a bit closer to her. âCome on, humor me.â
She looked down at the leaves and back up at Benedict, his blue eyes rivaling the color of the pond. Taking an interest in the middle leafâit was the longest and skinniestâshe plucked it from his fingers. âThis one.â
âExcellent choice,â Benedict said cheerily, dropping the other leaves. âI am more inclined to a smaller oneâseems they move faster down the shore.â
âSize isnât everything, Mr. Bridgerton,â (Y/N) crossed her arms, resting them on her knees. She would never dare to admit it out loud, but she was having a bit of fun.
âAh, perhaps not,â Benedict jested with her, her jab not even shocking him in the slightest. âBut, I reckon it will be a close match regardless.â
After insuring that the lovely lady in his company was watching his movements closely, he set the leaves down on the surface of the water. âFinish line is by that tree over there,â he pointed, finally letting go with his other hand.
âMay the best leaf win,â she giggled. Giggled? Good Lord. A crooked grin cracked on his face, focused too intently at the company rather than the match at hand. âAre you not going to chase them?â
âAnd leave you?â He scoffed. âPerish the thought.â
âI just thought,â her gaze was caught on the leaves, still floating down the edge of the pondâslower than she anticipated, âwell, I suppose I wanted to get the whole picture of your family tradition.â
âShall I run along the coast, then?â Benedict asked playfully, rising back to his feet, thumb pushed towards the water.Â
âOnly to humor me,â she shrugged, not even fighting the smile on her face.Â
âWell, in that case,â Benedict began to remove his jacket, throwing it beside her. With a light jog he caught up to the leaves, they hadnât gone very far anyway, perhaps if it were a windier day heâd have a faster time to keep up with. âYou are in the lead!â He called out.Â
âBrilliant!â Her hands were clasped around her mouth, a cone to help amplify her shout. His smile was like the sun, warm and invitingâshe wished she could spend the day in such a warmth. Benedict practically jumped for joy when the leaves made it to the final stretch, crossing to the rocks on the shore. Nearly falling into the water, he managed to scoop the leaves up and jog back to the woman in the grass. âWell?â
âWell, what?â He asked, nearly out of breath, smile still pulling his lips upward.Â
âThe winner?â
âAh,â he fell to the ground, sitting comfortably next to the bakerâs daughter, pocketing the leaves. âA secret.â
âSo you lost?â
âOh, I assure you, if you won I would be celebrating you until the end of our time together,â Benedict sang. âHoweverâŠâ
âI lost?â She scoffed.Â
âA gentleman is humble in his successes,â he explained carefully. âWe could go again?â
âNo,â she said, humor in her voice. âI think that was more than enough excitement for one afternoon.â
âFor once, we agree,â he said. âMay IâŠ? Could I ask you a question?â
âIf you are proposing marriage, I am afraid Iâll have to declineââ
âNo, no,â he laughed heartily. âNothing of that sort.â
âI suppose I could find it in myself to answer a different question, then.â
âYou were cold to me this morning,â Benedict noted, twirling a blade of grass between his fingers. âBut not on the day we met. What changed?â
She sighed, pulling her knees to her chest, gaze locked out on the now setting sun. âI⊠am not entirely sure.â
âSurely it was not the leavesââ
âThe leaves may have helped,â she admitted. âHumanized you, in a way.â
âWas I inhuman before?â
âNaturally,â she retorted. âI mean, is it not obvious?â
âYou were protecting your feelings,â Benedict finally realized. âAll this time. You did not wish to be hurtâtruly afraid I was merely stringing you along as an elaborate prank or ruse? Is that right?â
âHow could someone like you ever have an interest in a pauper like me? The bakerâs daughter and the son of a viscount?â Tears dotted her eyes, threatening to fall. How she came so close to crying was beyond her. âIt seems implausible.â
Benedict dropped the grass, fully looking at the lady beside him. She had made herself nearly as small as she felt. He had hit the nail on the head. A gust of wind blew by, bringing leaves down from the tree above.Â
âI do not think less of you because of whose daughter you are,â Benedict said softly, removing a stray leaf from her hair. His fingers guided her head towards him, begging for her to look his way. âI care only about you. Getting to know you. Frankly, your father seems like a mostly alright man, but I do not wish to know him the way I wish to know you.â
âYou may wish for that,â she sniffled. âBut what would the rest of your world think? You, trying to court a woman below your statusââ
âThe only people who should be caring so deeply about my potential courtship are my intended and me,â Benedict said sharply. âThe rest of the ton can frankly kiss my rear end.â
This raised a laugh out of her. It was bubbly and pure, almost like the one of a child. âYou truly donât care what people think about you?â
âNo,â he shook his head. âI do not.â
âHow freeing that must be,â she said.Â
âBeing the second son has its perks,â Benedict looked at her, really looked at her. âNo one expects me to be proper all the time. I am given the freedomâfinancially and otherwiseâto do as I please. I do not have to worry about inheriting a title, siring heirs, that is my brotherâs responsibility.â
âWhy me?â
His head quirked. âI do not understand?â
âYou could court any girl of the ton,â she said. âAnd I am sure more than half of them would never turn down a chance to be courted by a Bridgertonââ
âThey wished for the title,â Benedict sighed. âTo be Viscountess Bridgerton, to marry my older brother and have the notoriety. That ship has already sailed, I'm afraid. You are kind in thinking that many women would be after me though.â
âYou are not ugly,â she listed, âyou have a great humor about you, a pleasant demeanor and a kindness in your eyes. The women of the ton must be foolish, then.â
âPerhaps the foolish one is you?â
âI beg your pardon?â
âYou truly think those things about me?â He asked, awaiting a response. Her jaw was slack, clearly not about to give him any sort of confirmation to his question. âI believe your words, I do. But perhaps you should look at yourself with such eyes?â
âI-I donât understandââ
âOur class differences aside,â Benedict said, as if it was easy to just ignore that, âwhile I was taken by your beauty at firstâyour eyes are something the Gods themselves forged in the fires, stars rivaling their shineâit was your continuous personality that kept my attention. Granted, it helped you were once covered head-to-toe in flour, it really brought out your features.â
Her cheeks flared at the recollection of their first meeting. âIt was not my finest moment.â
âAnd you were vulnerable all the same,â he continued. âYou cared not for who I was, yet, you showed an interest in me anyway. You may not agree with that statement, but you and I know it to be true in some shape or form. The only thing that holds you back is this notion on our classesââ
âPerhaps I am interested in you,â (Y/N) cut him off. âPerhaps I wish to be courted by you, attend balls and dress in pretty gowns, drinking expensive drinks and whispering sweet nothings. But that is all that it isâa wish. I know my place in this world, it is a right shame you have such a fantasy about yours.â
â(Y/N)âŠâ
âNo,â she stood up, brushing the blades of grass and leaves off of her skirt. âI hoped that you would understand, Benedict. I agreed to this afternoon because it felt like I had no choice in the matterâyou practically bought my time, after all. What I did not expect,â she hiccuped, âI did not expect that I would enjoy such an afternoon.â
âYou enjoyed yourself,â Benedict rose to his feet, desperate to match her gaze head on. âWhy can you not allow yourself to have that joy? Allow your heart to follow its call?â
âI do not have such liberties to listen to my heart,â (Y/N) said softly. âI must use my head for every choice I make. An afternoon with you allowed my family to have enough money to make it through the end of the season without going hungryââ
âAnd an afternoon with me has brought such happiness to fill your soul for much longerââ
âHappiness has little importance,â she scoffed. âI would rather see my family healthy and surviving than even think about a notion like happiness or joy.â
âYou have said yourself that your family treats you like a pet,â Benedict took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. He neednât explode in the park. âWhy do you care so much about them if they care so little for you?â
âBecause it is all that I know!â The candle had finally reached its end, burning out with a sizzle. âAll I have ever known is my life in the bakery, rising early to make the dough, peddling samples to those walking by and hopingâprayingâthat they step in our store and purchase something. Because a sale of a few loaves of bread or cakes meant we could afford to buy vegetables for a soup, something to eat with our days old bread.â
âIf you were with me, you wouldnât ever need to think about things like that again,â Benedict said, his voice wavering on a whisper. âI could support you, support your family.â
âAnd that is precisely why I do not wish to continue this,â she raised her finger. âI do not need an affluent man to come and save meââ
âBut I could helpââ
âI do not need your help!â
âYou obviously do!â
She took a step back, the tears from before finally reappearing in her eyes. âO-obviously? Because I am of a lower class you believe, in that giant and empty head of yours, that you can simply win my favor by saving me? Offering riches and experiences that I should be grateful and thanking every God that will listen that you are even willing to give me?â
âYou know that is not what I meantââÂ
âYou believe that because you are who you are, and I am who I am, that I couldnât possibly say no to you,â her gaze flicked with anger, a fire looming. âWhile the ladies of the ton have their choices, I do not, so it makes it easy for you to pine over someone who simply has no choice in the matter.â
âNoâ(Y/N)ââ Â
âThis afternoon has been lovely,â (Y/N) spat, looking to the skylineâthe sun had finally set, âbut I am afraid that the afternoon is over. I shall be taking my leave.â
âPlease reconsider,â Benedict begged, willing to try anything to get her to stay. âI wish to know you.â
âA shame, then,â (Y/N) said, turning around. âWishing for something so foolish.â
â
âHer head is in the clouds,â Jack whispered.
âNo, I reckon her head is in the dough,â Harry mumbled back to his brother.Â
âI can hear you, you know,â (Y/N) ground out, working hard on a rather unruly clump of dough that simply would not cooperate. âAnd if I can hear you, you are close enough to be helping.â
âBut that is so exhausting," Harry groaned, leaning against the countertop. âBesides, how are you ever going to impress your betrothed if you do not keep such toned arms?â
She threw the dough against the counterâhard. âHe is not my betrothed.â
âBut you wish for him to be, no?â Jack giggled, playing with a few burnt bunsâa mishap of his own creation.
âI say, Sister,â Harry said. âWhy do you not pursue that Bridgerton? He clearly is interested in you, or, have you forgotten all of the flowers he has sent?â
The front of the shop was practically a floristâs dreamâcovering every free inch of counter space with beautiful bouquets. Her mother simply refused to throw out such lovely blooms, even going so far as to fish the first one out of the trash after her daughter made quick work to dispose of it. âHow could I possibly forget about the man who continuously flaunts his wealth to get what he wants?â
âHe wants you, surely that is not lost on you?â
âOf course not,â she continued to knead, a few hairs falling into her face. âBut he is so insistent on getting me to agree to his whims simply becauseââ
âHe has money, (Y/N),â Jack scoffed. âGood money. Christ, you spent half of a day with him a few weeks ago and we were able to finally purchase meat for dinner. Imagine if you married himââ
âSo you want your sister to be married off for your own financial gain?â
âWhat else would you marry for?â Harry laughed. âLove?â
She stopped kneading. âWhy do you not go and try to marry a wealthy lady, then? Hm? Surely a woman of genteel breeding would be much taken by the idea of a rugged bakerââ
âThat Bridgerton is already interested,â Harry shrugged. âAt the very least, if you end up with child he would provide enough fundsââ
âFirst you wish to marry me off, now you wish for me to have his bastard?â She couldnât help but laugh, ignoring her hard work on the counter. âWhy can I not make my own choice? I do not wish to be with Mr. Bridgerton, I wish to stay here at the bakery.â
âFucking stupid,â Jack scoffed. âIf I were in your shoes, I would let the gentleman pay for anything my heart desiresâforget about this wretched place and move on with my life.â
âAnd abandon our legacy?â
âYou mean my legacy,â Jack corrected. âI am to inherit the bakery, it is my birthright. You? I suppose I will allow you to continue your grunt work hereââÂ
âWho else will do the baking?â Her voice rang throughout the kitchen. âMother and Father are nearing the end of their career, both becoming too frail to continue with the rigorous task of this place. I am the only oneâthe only competent member of this family who can keep this shit afloat! And you want me to just⊠give that up?â
Jack stood a little straighter. âIt was never your place.â
âHarry is set to inherit the bakery now, you know it. Yet someone had to fill the shoes of the family fuck-up instead, no?âÂ
It was a sharp pain, suddenly and all at once against her cheek. It took her only half a second later to realize what had happened, her other brotherâs face was only a confirmation on the fact.
âJack, what the hell?!â Harry practically screamed. âYou hit her?â
âShe insulted me!â
âYou deserved it,â Harry said, pushing his older brother back. âShe only spoke the truthââ
âSo I am allowed to be walked over by my baby sister?â Jack scoffed, pushing Harry back. âA woman? No fucking chance, mate.â
Her hand had covered her cheek, already feeling warm to the touch. Everything was too much, too loud, too bright. She had to get out of there, had to forget all about the dough on the counter, forgetting all about the brother who had just smacked her silly. The back door wasnât lockedâno surprise as Jack was the last one to use itâmaking it easy for her to push into the alleyway and into the rain.Â
Rain.Â
Pelting like bullets, the wet drenched her clothing in a mere instant, making it harder to escape. Where had she planned to run anyway? She had nowhere to go, her entire world was contained to the four walls of the bakery, never daring to explore the rest of it, not when her world was already so encompassing, so inviting.Â
In theory, anyway, it seemed.
So, she ran. A mix of running and walking, she kept moving forward. By the time she left her part of town, she knew her brothers would not bother coming for her. The rain alone was a deterrent, even Harry, the one who loved her more, wouldnât dare to brave the elements just to reel his sisterâs whims in.Â
A splotch of purple entered her vision. How long had she been moving? Did she even expect to come here? Did her subconscious send her in this direction for a reason?
She knocked on the bright door before she could find out.
âGood evening, maâam,â a butter said politely. âWhat business do you have?â
âI am here to call upon Benedict Bridgerton.â
â
His quill had soaked the parchment below with ink, having left the tip upon it for far too long. He had been lost in thought, contemplative, especially the last few weeks. Benedict knew he had hurt her, had insulted her very being, yet he still tried. Every other day heâd send a fresh bouquet to the bakery, a new poem attached to the stems. Perhaps she read them? He knew it was more likely that she burned them, in the ovens or otherwise.Â
At the very least, he knew that the blooms were being displayed at the shop. Hope. That is what it had given him.
âMr. Bridgerton, you have a caller,â a butler knocked, opening his door a crack wider.
âA caller? In this weather?â
âShe seemed rather insistent,â the butler shrugged. âShe is waiting in the drawing roomâI already sent for tea and towels for the lady.â
âA lady is here to see me?â Benedict quirked his brow.
âA Miss. (Y/L/N),â the butler said. âNo calling card, soaked to the bone and she seemed a bit⊠out of sorts.â
Benedict had already risen from his desk, practically pushing past the staff member to reach the stairs. Missing a step or two, he made it to the drawing room and shoved the door open. In the center of the blue room was (Y/N), dripping onto the wooden floor, shaking like a leaf.
â(Y/N)âŠâÂ
âI-I had nowhere else to go,â she began to explain. âI did not even realize I was here until I knocked on the door. It was foolishââ
âNo,â Benedict shook his head, reaching to take her hand in his own. âIt is quite alright. You are more than welcome to be here.â
His hands were warm, or perhaps she was just that cold, making them feel like a fire. âI am so sorry, Benedict.â
âFor what?â He asked genuinely.Â
âEverything?â She offered. âI-I am not sure of what, exactly, but I feel that I need to apologize.â
âYou neednât apologize for anything,â he said. âNot with me, not ever.â
She looked up at the ceiling, afraid to make contact with his blue stare. âI needed to get away. My brother heâJack hit me.â
Benedict froze, his entire body went rigid. âIâll kill him.â
âI suppose I deserved it,â she shrugged, now looking at the ground. âTalking back to him, assuming things that could never beââÂ
âA man has assaulted you,â Benedict squeezed her hand tighter. âBrother or not, he put his hands on you. You did nothing of the sort to deserve such a thing.â
âI donât think I can go back there,â (Y/N) said softly. âPerhaps this was just the moment that gave me clarity. Opened my eyes, so to speak.â
Benedict took a good look at her face, red and splotchy, whether it was from the smack or the tears, he could not tell. âTea is on the way, I shall request a cold compress for your cheekââ
âI do not wish to impose.â
âYou shall wish for nothing here,â Benedict said quietly, firmly. âYou will stay until the rain lets up, or, you provide me with a suggestible plan for your next steps.â
âI cannot go back,â she finally looked up at Benedict. âAs much as I would like to, I simply cannot.â
âIf you do not want to go back, I will support you. If you want to leave town, the country even, I will support you,â he said seriously. âPlease allow me to support you.â
âI could never ask you for thatââ
âYou are not asking, I am offering,â he clarified.Â
âBenedictâŠâ
The rain seemed to lessen, if the pelting against the window had anything to say about it. The noise had dimmed, not as violent as before. âTo know that you are safe, that you are cared for, that is all I care about.â
So, in the center of the blue Bridgerton drawing room, soaked to the bone and dripping all over the floor, she kissed him. It was a sudden thing, pulling him down towards her lips, the contact much quicker than she had expected. He returned the favor in kind, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight, kissing her in a way he had yet to truly experience.Â
If his hands were like a fire, his lips were an inferno. Fighting for dominance, it was all encompassing. How had she gone so long without a feeling such as this? The burn was coming from inside, not a superficial one atop her skin as she was quite used to, but this burn, this feeling, she could find herself craving this.Â
âI-I am sorryââ she pulled away.
âNever be sorry,â Benedict shook his head. âNot for that, not ever.â
âI should not have done thatâŠâ
âNo,â he agreed, a chuckle leaving his lips, âbut how exhilarating it felt, regardless.â
His thumb ran lazy circles on her jaw. She leaned into the touch. âI do not know what to do, where to goâŠâ
âBut you cannot stay hereâŠ?â
She smiled sadly. âYou know me scarily well, Benedict.â
He thought for a moment. âSo⊠leave.â
âExcuse me?â
âLeave town, leave the countryââ
âI do not have the means to do such a silly thing.â
âI will pay your way.â
She scoffed, trying to pull out of his embrace. He wouldnât release his grip. âBenedictâŠâ
âI told you, I wish to support you. Emotionally, financially, I want to be there for you,â Benedict said. âEven if we are notâif you do not want to be together romantically, I want to ensure your safety and your health, your well-being. A friend.â
She tried to find the lie in his eyes, in his tone. Coming up empty, she had no excuse to not believe him.Â
âFrance,â he said, as if struck by lightning.
âFrance?â
âI hear only the expert bakers study in FranceâI have no doubts you could go to learn,â he explained. âI could pay for your travel, housing, you name it. Ask for it, and it is yours.â
âI doubt anyone would want to teach a woman, no matter how lovely a thought it might be.â
âI have a cousin,â Benedict explained. âHer and her husband own a cafĂ©âI am quite certain that they would love to hire an expert baker to add to their inventory and menu. You could earn your own income, make your own way. A fresh start.â
âA fresh startâŠâ she repeated. âThat sounds too good to be true.â
âI shall write to her in the morning,â Benedict said, holding her hands again.Â
âAnd youâŠ?â
âI will only come with you if you want me to join,â Benedict said slowly. âI will not trap you. I want your happiness, your freedom.â
She nodded, understanding.
âI think France sounds nice,â she smiled. âWill you write to me?â
âEvery chance I get.â
âEven if you are vexed with me?â
âEspecially if I am vexed with you.â
She kissed his lips again, sweeter and softer than the first time.
âSounds perfect.â
â
A year. An entire year had passed and she couldnât recall a happier time in her life. The only time that something could have rivaled it was a visit to a tea shop followed by a respite by a pondâin handsome company all the while.Â
They kept correspondence, just like they promised. Every week came a new letter, a new story to be told by the poetic Benedict Bridgerton. She tried to rival his words, explaining every detail about France, about her new life, but something was nagging. She missed him. They had grown close over the correspondence, leaving her heart wanting more. But, she knew when she left for France it was to fulfill her dreams, leaving a foolish notion like love on the back burner.
â(Y/N),â Marie, the Bridgerton cousin, called out behind her. âWe are in need of more buns.â
âI just restocked the buns,â (Y/N) giggled, turning to the blonde. âWhat? Has someone mysteriously bought the lot?â
âOui,â Marie said with a jest, heading into the storage room, âperhaps you should go bring more out?â
âYou are in luck, the last batch just finished resting from the oven,â she said, carrying a tray on her shoulder, âI will bring them out with haste.â
âI am sure he will appreciate it.â
(Y/N) faltered, hand already pressed to the door leading to the front shop. A tingle ran through her spine, her heart picking up to a freeing flutter.Â
Could it be?
âYou know, I would buy your entire stock,â the man hummed, looking thoughtfully into the display case, âbut I fear I would be recreating a rather taxing memory for the both of us.â
âBenedict,â she gasped, nearly dropping her tray.Â
âYou look radiant,â he mused, that wicked grin of his breaking on his face. âMuch like the first time I saw youâcovered in flour.â
âI am in my element,â (Y/N) said sweetly, âjust as you would expect.â She had noticed that Marie and her husband were not in the cafĂ©, the sign flipped to close. âYou planned this.â
âDo you insinuate that I bribed my distant cousin to close her cafĂ© to give you the day off, travel all the way to France, hoping I could spend the day with you?â Benedict scoffed playfully. âYou truly do not know me at all.â
âI do not think Marie would take a bribe,â (Y/N) said slyly, knowing how much of a champion the cousin had been for the baker and viscountâs son to get together.
âShe refused payment,â he admitted, agreeing with her notion. âBut, was ever eager to see you get out of the kitchen and enjoy yourself.â
âYou hadnât written to me in two weeks,â (Y/N) said, walking around the counter. âI was worried.â
âI needed to refrain from our correspondence, I fear I would have let the surprise slip otherwise.â
âSmart man,â she hummed.
âI am known to be smart occasionally,â he shrugged.
âWhat are you doing here?â She finally asked. âN-not that I am not happy to see you, of course, but as you had said, this is a surprise.â
âI came to study art,â Benedict said, a hand in his coat pocket. âI felt that if I truly wanted to learn the craft, I needed to learn from the mastersâmany of their works are housed here in France. I even began to rent a little home in town, finding the need to stay a while.â
âThat is the only reason?â
Benedictâs gaze softened. âOf course it is not the only reason.â
Her heart fluttered again.
âIt is only fair that I try this again, correctly and without the prying eyes of society, this time,â Benedict said, clearing his throat and spinning around.
âCorrectly?â She giggled, watching him twirl to face the door.
âAh, good morning miss!â Benedict said, turning back to face (Y/N). âI must say, you look ever-so-prettyâtell me, do all bakers have a beauty such as your own?â
âI would wager no,â she said, trying to keep serious. âMost of the bakers around here are men.â
âShame. Might I learn your name? It seems only fairâI fear I might just die if I do not know the sweet sound of it.â
â(Y/N),â she sang. âMy name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N).â
âBenedict Bridgerton,â he stretched out his hand, reaching for her own. She allowed him to take it, a soft kiss was placed on the back of her cracked handâa working hand, one that she was proud to have.Â
âYou are very charming, Mr. Bridgerton,â she hummed, looking deeply into his blue eyes. âPleased to make your company.â
âI assure you, I am more pleased to be in yours,â Benedict insisted, kissing her hand again. âTell me, do you have plans this afternoon?â
âIt seems my schedule has cleared up,â she looked to the sign on the door and sighed. âWhy? Do you have any suggestions on how I should spend it?â
âMight we take a turn around the park? A friend of mine has written to me about just how lovely one nearby is, I reckon I would like to see it for myself.â
She smiled brightly at him, as if he held the world in his hands. Instead, he held two leaves between his fingersâbrown and cracked, but clearly treated with such care. They had been the same ones from their time at the park the first go around, she was nearly certain. Why else would he bring dead leaves with him?
"Leaves?"
"You see, my family, we have this tradition of racing with leavesâI would very much like to share it with you. These two in particular seem to be very lucky, thought it would be best to bring them along."
His smile melted her heart, endearing and thoughtful in the same breath. She could get used to a smile like that.
âWell⊠what are we waiting for, Mr. Bridgerton?â
#benedict bridgerton#bridgerton#benedict bridgerton x reader#bridgerton x reader#bridgerton imagines#this is a doozy and i am sorry#but only a little bit!!!
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cold hands - psh (m)
this work contains smut - minors please do not interact
pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader
synopsis. plot plot plot what is a plot when you can just have vibes and a vague narrative direction... if you MUST know you go to your brother's hockey team back-to-uni party accidentally matching one of the members with your cowgirl barbie costume. hopelessly romantic sunghoon sees this as a sign that the two of you are meant to be together, but you're impossible to read and soon the two of you settle on an ambiguous secret friends with benefits relationship. unfortunately, conflict ensues.
genre. strangers to friends to fwb to lovers..?? its not an asahicore fic if it doesnt have fluff angst AND smut, brothers best friend, jock x nerd type vibe, slight miscommunication put your pitchforks away and hear me out pls it works out i promise, reader has ISSUES đ loser loverboy sunghoon, its mostly in his pov, i know nothing about ice hockey
word count. 39.5k đ
a/n. inspired by @moonlighthoon's request for the 1k trope event! sorry it took ages to write but i hope you like it and that i met ur expectations!!!! hope everyone else enjoys it too, this is the longest fic ive ever written and im quite proud of it, pls pls pls let me know what u thought <333 shoutout to @zreamy .. good luck with your studies, thank u for beta reading and making this fic exponentially better as u always do âïž credit to @/plutism for the dividers :)
Some men never think of it. You did. Youâd come along And say youâd nearly brought me flowers But something had gone wrong.
The shop was closed. Or you had doubts - The sort that minds like ours Dream up incessantly. You thought I might not want your flowers.
It made me smile and hug you then. Now I can only smile. But, look, the flowers you nearly brought Have lasted all this while. - Wendy Cope, Flowers
When Sunghoon falls in love, it usually goes as quickly as it came.
Just to name a few:
There had been Ahn Yujin, whose family had moved next to his when he was twelve, and whose dog got on perfectly with his. His crush on the cute girl next door grew with every walk the four of them took but disappeared the second she ditched him to walk home from school with Na Jaemin.Â
A few years later, there had been Bae Sumin, who sat in front of him and always had her hair up in a ponytail he found exceedingly pretty. An appointment at the hairdresser was enough for him to stop liking her, as if his interest in her had been laying in the ten centimeters of hair she had cut off.Â
In his junior year of high school, there had been Kim Yerim, a college student that tutored him in Math and English. She was three years older, but that didnât deter himâwhat did was the fact that she was dating a college graduate. She showed him a picture once, and the guy had biceps probably twice the size of Sunghoonâs. He thought it was safer to give up on her than to fight such a bulky guy five years his senior.Â
The first time it stuck was during his first year of college. She was his coachâs daughter and he liked the way she would smile at him when she came to watch their practice. Sunghoon didnât like to think about her, mainly because even after she broke his heart, for a while there, he continued to love her.Â
So, when he first spots you from across the room at the Welcome Back costume party thrown by his hockey team, unintentionally the Cowboy Barbie to his Cowboy Ken, he tries not to read too much into it. Barbie was a hit this summer, itâs an easy and topical costume, of course thereâs a pretty girl wearing the same bright pink cowboy hat he is. It doesnât mean sheâs the love of his life.
Right?
He knows you from the pictures that littered the walls of Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewonâs apartment last year, from Instagram posts, both yours and your friendsâ, from your video calls with Jake, who dragged him into the cameraâs view. Say hi to my sister, heâd insist, like Sunghoon was a child who didnât want to greet his great-great-aunt. Heâd dip in to say hi as requested, ask how you were, and mumble me too like a fool when you said you heard so much about him and were excited to meet him in real life.Â
These are the things Sunghoon knows about you: Jakeâs older sister by a year, currently on a year abroad in Rome, studies something fancy like Classics, which he hadnât known people still did in the twenty-first century, deep attachment to Stardew Valley in first year, rarely seen with the same man twice, very pretty. Absurdly so. Heâs also weirdly obsessed over the texts youâve sent to the group chat he was added to at the beginning of last yearâscarce, short, elusive. Never more than two sentences, and always long after the conversation was over. But sometimes youâd send photos and videos out of nowhere, of your adventures or of funny things you saw online, and he always hearted them. He even replied to it sometimes (brave hahas or thatâs so cool!s), in hopes that it would make you like him, would make you think, he gets me.Â
The two of you have never formally yet because you left for Italy the year he started university. Heâs been nervous about meeting you since the first time the group told him about you.Â
Now that he is about to, he can hear his heart thumping so loudly in his ears, it drowns out the bass of the music. Heâs glad he gets to see you before having to talk to youâheâs not sure he could take in your presence and form coherent words at the same time. He watches you laugh with your friends, the smile lines that form like dimples around your mouth, the strands of hair you keep tucking behind your ear. Then someone joins your groupâexcept itâs not just someone, itâs Minjeong, her denim jacket so often worn he recognises her from the back, and he realizes the people youâre with have been Chaewon and Yunjin this whole time. The three of them have been banging on about you all year, even more so due to the fact that their replacement flatmate was dreadful, a Spanish girl who only hung out with other Spanish exchange students and looked the girls up and down when they tried to invite her out somewhere.
You turn towards Minjeong, and before he knows it, heâs in your line of sight, and your eyes meet. Confusion, then a flash of recognition goes through your eyes. He had been resting his elbow on a countertop, cider bottle in hand and watching you, he realizes, not unlike a creep, but now he stands up straight and looks around him as if you hadnât just caught him staring. Before he can find a way out, Jake appears by his side and throws an arm around his shoulders, guiding him into the throng of party-goers and, coincidentally, closer to you.
âDude, youâll never guess what.â
âWhat?â Sunghoon says, tone coming out more irritated than he means it to. Heâs just had to give up on making a good first impression on you, and he doesnât even have the time to think of a way to redeem himself. When he dares to look back at you, your eyes are already on him, a small smile on your lips. You probably hate him already.
âMy sister is dressed just like you. If I didnât know any better, Iâd think you guys came together or something. Hey, guys!â Jake calls out, and all of a sudden, itâs not just your eyes on him, itâs everyoneâs. Well, to be fair, theyâre also looking at Jake. But youâre only looking at Sunghoon, and he canât look away from you either, canât even manage the politeness to hug everyone in greeting like Jake is doing now. He watches as your eyes rake over his figure, taking him in, assessing him, and he suddenly feels awkward in his costume that matches yours, like heâs somehow overstepped a boundary, like you might think heâs asked around about your costume, found out you were going as Barbie and decided to match you so youâd think the two of you were meant together, like he had two minutes ago, and come to the fairly reasonable decision that he was the weirdest man on Earth. But then you meet his eyes, smile a kind, genuine smile, and his whole body relaxes.Â
âHey, Hoon!â Chaewon calls, arms open wide. He remembers himself and hugs everyone, even you, and he has to pretend like this is completely fine and normal, like his hands arenât practically shaking as his arms circle your shoulders in a two-second embrace.Â
You squeeze one of his shoulders, and keeping his countenance is a Herculean task. He feels like those people centuries ago who passed out at the sight of a ladyâs ankle. âItâs so nice to finally meet you,â you say, peering at him over the rim of your red cup. âIâve heard so much about you.â
Sunghoon feels the blush growing on his face; he wasnât expecting so much of your attention so quickly. He takes a swig of his lukewarm cider, hoping if he seems drunk, it might explain his redness. âGood things, I hope,â he says, aware of the unoriginality but unable to come up with anything better.
âOh, donât worry, theyâve made you out to be a saint.â Youâve not once broken eye contact or stopped smilingâit should intimidate him, but instead, it makes Sunghoon feel like youâve known each other for ages and that this isnât your first conversation at all. He finds himself able to relax into a smile, and manages to meet your eyes for more than three seconds at a time.
âYou donât believe them?â
You pause, gaze zeroing in on him even more intensely than previously, smile turning smirk-like. Sunghoonâs heart skips a beat. Okay, maybe heâs not that relaxed. âI donât know you well enough to make up my mind yet. But weâll be seeing plenty of each other from now on, wonât we?â
This is exactly what Sunghoon has been warned about. You at parties, the way you look at guys, the way you talk to them. Sunghoon has been the audience of more than one recreation of such a scene, Yunjin pretending to be you, Chaewon pretending to be your âvictim,â as the others liked to call them. Because once you had set your eyes on a man, he had little chance of making it out. Jay prides himself as being the only survivor, although he has to admit itâs only because Jake interrupted your conversation, telling him, âI see youâve met my sister.â And Jay was not the kind of person that got off with their friendsâ siblings, especially since his and Jakeâs friendship was only a week long at that point, and he didnât want to ruin the atmosphere in their dorm for the rest of the year just because his dick had gotten the best of him. His words. Whenever they were all hanging out together and they called you, one of the girls would inevitably ask if you had âturned any Italian boys into menâ or if you had been âterrorizing the good men of Rome recently.â You would either roll your eyes or say this was not a conversation to be had in front of your brother.
Sunghoon had been sure they were exaggeratingâit takes two to tango, as they say, and it wasnât like you ensnared innocent men into your trap. They had to be willing, to want something from you just as much as you wanted something from them. Heâd also gotten them to admit it wasnât that frequent, that you werenât looking for a new prey every party, just once in a while when you found someone you liked. (Heâd been very quiet when Jay asked why he was trying so hard to defend you.)
But now that he is on the receiving end of your alluring smiles, he starts to understand how one could fall for you without meaning to. He knows he canât â Jake probably wouldnât take to it kindly, and he didnât want to spoil the dynamic of his best group of friends at uni â but he has a feeling that ten minutes of talking to you would be enough to shake his resolve.
âOh, yeah, Iâm sure we will. Jake said you studied a lot, but Iâm sure weâll get to hang out. All of us, I mean,â he quickly adds, lest you think heâs already asking you to hang out one-on-one. Sunghoon would not be that forward.
âOf course. I have to see if you did a good enough job replacing me for a year.â Sunghoonâs eyes widen, and before he can blurt out something weirdly laudatory like âI could never replace you, I would never even try, I donât know you but youâre clearly far superior to me in every aspect and I could never even claim to fill your spot,â you giggle and tell him itâs just a joke. âIf anything, Iâm happy Jake has managed to make a new friend that he didnât meet through me, that loser,â you say, and together, you laugh at Jakeâs loserness, a topic that will never fail to amuse Sunghoon, although heâs not faring much better in that department.Â
âLike, look at him right now,â you say, jerking your head in Jakeâs general direction, somewhere behind Sunghoonâs shoulderâand thatâs when he realizes that itâs just the two of you standing there, the others gone without him even noticing. Sunghoon turns around, finding the girls, Jay, and a bunch of other people he vaguely recognizes huddled around Jake. They all start chanting his name as he gulps down a giant red cup of beer, then raises the empty cup over his head in victory and crumples it, beaming at the people around him.Â
âWhat is he doing?â Sunghoon asks, laughing at his friend.
âJay called him over for a beer-off,â you explain. After a beat, you ask, âYou didnât notice?â
The implications are clear in your tone and in your eyes. In the smile playing on your lips, just shy of being a smirk. You didnât notice because of me, is what youâre really telling Sunghoonâat least, thatâs the impression heâs getting. And youâd be right. He was too busy talking to you and trying his best not to make a fool of himself to notice his friends leaving, too engrossed with you to register the sudden disappearance of four people. Across the room, where people have shifted their attention to yet another hockey player downing a sizable amount of beer, he catches Chaewonâs eyes, and she winks at him. Of courseâleave it to Chaewon, to whom Sunghoon once made the mistake of drunkenly rambling about how pretty you looked in your Instagram posts last year, to give you and Sunghoon some time alone, âto get to know each other properly,â she would probably say. Although he isnât sure that small talk over 2000s music counts as getting to know someone. According to the others, she and Yunjin started dating a month into their second year, so Chaewon has proclaimed herself as the goddess of dating and is now always trying to set people up. Sunghoon thinks sheâs just living vicariously through her friends now that she has a Mrs. at home.
Because the filter usually at work between the part of Sunghoonâs brain where sentences are formed and his mouth is apparently on leave today, he says, âI do have a pretty distracting sight in front of me.â Heâs immediately both mortified and impressed by this sudden bout of confidence, but then you look down and giggle, actually giggle, the sweetest sound heâs ever heard, and only pride remains.Â
âSo, Ken?â you ask, a cute attempt to change the subject, taking the fabric of the pink bandana around his neck between your fingers. Sunghoon wonders if youâre going to yank him down to your level, and he thinks he wouldnât have much of a problem with that.Â
He realizes that even though you should technically know each otherâs names, you havenât actually exchanged them, so in a confused but correcting tone, he says, âUm, Sunghoon.â He only belatedly realizes that you hadnât gotten his name wrong, you were just making a comment on his costume, which he had completely forgotten he was wearing in the first place. Just as heâs about to backtrack and salvage what he can of the situation, you burst into laughter, hand leaving his bandana to cover your mouth as he hides his face behind his own hands, laughing along with you despite himself.Â
âI know your name is Sunghoon!â you exclaim. The gratification of hearing you say his name takes away some of his embarrassment. âIâm Y/N, by the way. Not Barbie.â
Sunghoon nods. âGood to know.â
The laughter gradually dies down, but your smile stays the same; wide, bright, a smile that exposes your teeth and turns your eyes into crescents. Sunghoon canât look away. Heâs awash with nerves, your gaze simultaneously planting his feet to the ground like theyâre full of lead and making him light-headed. His heart is beating so fast, he can barely feel it anymore.Â
The two of you stand there, looking and smiling at each other, like in a clichĂ© movie scene where everyone else at the party seems to fade into the background. He has no idea how much time has passed when you break the silence. âIt really is nice to finally meet you,â you say, repeating your statement from earlier, as though you mean it more now.Â
âIt is,â Sunghoon simply replies, because he doesnât know how else to express the relief of seeing you in the flesh after hearing about you and looking at a digital version of you for a year. The relief, but also the anticipation of what is to come now that he knows he likes you even more now that heâs actually seen you. And improbable as it sounds, you might even feel the same.
Sunghoon can already feel it. The beginning of something.
You nod towards his now empty cup. âWant a refill?â
Together, you make your way through the crowd of increasingly drunk students until you reach the kitchen, where the countertops overflow with open bottles of liquor of all sorts and paper plates with half-eaten pizza slices on them. He watches your every move as you find a cold bottle of beer in the fridge, a bottle of strawberry syrup in a random cupboard that you had to know was there, and a half-empty discarded bottle of lemonade on the counter. You ask him to tell you about last year, everything you missed out on, and so he does. He knows youâve probably heard it all from the others before, but you still laugh and gasp like itâs the first time youâre hearing about any of it, all the hockey games they won, Jay getting food poisoning from the sketchy pizzeria he kept eating at, Yunjin almost getting into a fistfight with a man twice her size who was flirting with Chaewon.Â
You assemble two drinks and hand him one of them. When he takes a sip, his eyes widen at the refreshing and sweet taste. âGood, right?â you say. âI discovered it on a trip to France last summer.â
âThank God for France. I think thatâs the first time Iâve ever enjoyed drinking beer,â he says.
âThatâs probably because you canât taste the beer at all.â
Sunghoon smiles. âProbably, yeah.â
You turn around, lower back against the counter, and take in the current kitchen population. âWe really werenât very original with our costumes tonight.â Sunghoon, who had not taken his eyes off of you this entire time, follows your gaze. He counts five partygoers dressed in some version of Barbie or Ken, and thatâs just the kitchen. He doesnât blame themâthe fact that so many people came dressed in costumes at all impresses him, especially for a party on the 10th of September and not the 31st of October. The social committee of the hockey team just seems to really love themed and dress-up parties.
He chuckles, then takes a sip of his drink. Itâs really nice. âYeah, but we look the best.â
Your head whips towards him, eyes glinting with something that makes Sunghoon smile, even though he doesnât know what youâre thinking. âShould we enter the coupleâs costume contest?â you ask.
At the mention of couple, his eyes widen, his brain tricking him into thinking youâve asked him out for a second. But when what you actually meant dawns on him, the first thing to come out of his mouth is, âThereâs a coupleâs costume contest?!â
âMh-hm. The sign-up sheet should be around here.âÂ
For what feels like the millionth time since heâs started talking to you, his face heats up. âAre non-couples allowed to enter?â
âWeâre Barbie and Ken. Iâd say thatâs enough of a couple, donât you think?âÂ
Right. Because he had been thinking of Sunghoon and Y/N, while you obviously meant Barbie and Ken. In the contest, it doesnât actually matter whether the contestants are dating in real lifeâit matters that their costumes match. Sunghoon knows that. He just needed a second.
He grins, deep dimples punctuating his cheeks. âOkay, letâs do it.â
Armed with your drinks, you walk around the kitchen in search of the sign-up sheet. You find it on a wall next to the dining table, which has been turned into a beer pong table for tonightâs festivities, and the sheet is almost filled with names already. Sunghoon can only hope that by midnight, when the contest is set to take place, most participants will have had too much to drink to remember it. You write your names on the list, and Sunghoon likes seeing his name in your handwriting so much he almost wants to take a picture.
âThere you guys are!â
You both turn around to find Jake stumbling towards you, clearly more intoxicated than when he had left you half-an-hour ago. He rests his arms on your shoulders, forcing Sunghoon down to his height and making you stumble forwards from the sudden added weight. âIâve been looking all over for you- Youâre entering the contest?!â
For a split second, Sunghoon is scared heâs going to get scolded by Jake for trying to hit on his sister, but surprisingly, itâs you he narrows his eyes at. âY/N, what are you roping my little Hoonie into?â
Sunghoon groans, face perpetually red at this point. Leave it to Jake to make him seem like a total loser.Â
You frown at your brother. âIâm not roping your little Hoonie into anything.â Sunghoon wants to bury himself alive. âWe agreed on doing it together. Right?â you ask, turning towards Sunghoon and batting your eyelashes at him. It makes him feel a bit better.
He turns back to Jake. âRight. Weâre just joining forces to crush the competition.â
Jake scoffs. âAs if.â He snatches the pen from your hands and underlines his name as well as Kazuhaâs, the girl he came with tonight, three thick black lines that almost erases the names underneath them. âYou canât beat the hockey player and cheerleader combo.â
âThose arenât even costumes, you guys are a hockey player and a cheerleader,â you protest.
âSo?â Jake simply retorts, more attitude in his tone than he would have were he sober.
âSo, that defeats the whole purpose of a costume contest.â
Jake knocks on your cowboy hat, and you immediately put it back in place, glaring at him. âAs if Barbie was the greatest costume ever. Whatever, letâs just play beer pong so I can defeat you guys twice in one night.â
âYouâre on, Sim.â
âYouâre going down, Sim.â
Sunghoon had just been watching your back-and-forth amusedly when you grab his hand, leading him to the side of the table opposite Jake. His fingers tingle under your touch, but just like that, itâs gone. Heâd rather keep on holding your hand than play this stupid game, but he isnât opposed to taking Jakeâs ego down a notch, either. The boy can barely stand straight, anyway, so it probably wonât be a very tough match.
Some guy he doesnât recognize in a striped black-and-white referee t-shirt fills most cups with beer and a couple on each side with shots of vodkaâheâs so earnest, Sunghoon isnât sure whether heâs just taking his costume-slash-role very seriously or if he has genuinely been hired to look over the beer pong matches of the night. Some order in the brutish world of college parties, Sunghoon guesses.
Minjeong, Yunjin, Chaewon and Jay appear then, exchanging a quick look at the sight of you and Sunghoon together. The two former join your team, while the two latter join Jakeâs, as well as other people that Sunghoon vaguely recognizes from other parties. But by the simple action of getting behind him, they become his most trusted allies for at least this part of the night.
Youâre a terrible shot, but Sunghoon makes up for it by scoring almost every round. In his defense, he only misses when you come up close to him and whisper in his ear which cup he should go for. Your breath tickles his (oddly sensitive) ears and the combined scents of the strawberry and lemonade on your tongue and your delicate perfume make his head spin. He can barely think straight, so his aim is naturally thrown offâother than that, he makes Jay drink a healthy amount of beer. He almost feels bad for his friend, but heâd arrived late at the party and needed to quickly catch up with everyoneâs level of ebriety anyway.
When the opposite team is down to their last cup, a lightning bolt of luck strikes you, and your ball disappears straight into the vodka-filled cup that Jake now has the honor of downing.Â
Sunghoon gives you no time to celebrate, to gloatingly pump your fists in the air and point a mocking finger at your brother, because as soon as you make the shot, he wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you off the ground. When youâre on your feet again, you spin around to find a proud-looking Sunghoon beaming down at you. You burst into giggles and high-five him, your palms perfectly clapping against each other, and he threads your fingers together. A current of electricity rushes through him, and for a second, he swears itâs just the two of you in this packed room.
The moment is cut short by the loud cheers of the others on your team as they shake your shoulders and raise their hands for you to high-five them too. Minjeong flips the other team off and Yunjin has to go hug Chaewon and reassure her itâs nothing personal. Itâs really quite easy to make college students happyâor devastated.Â
You raise your eyebrows at Jake, whoâs busy glaring at you instead of accepting his defeat and taking his shot. With a begrudging sigh, he tips his head back and drinks the vodka in one gulp, the cheers doubling in volume when his face scrunches at the bitter taste of the liquor.
âDonât act so proud,â he scolds you. âSunghoon carried your team.â
âMaybe, but she made us win in the end,â Sunghoon retorts, putting an arm around your shoulder.Â
Jake scoffs, frowning at Sunghoonâs hand placement before eye-rolling his gaze away. âWhatever.â He slides his phone out of his back pocket and smiles as he shows the two of you his screen. âWould you look at the time? The contest is starting soon.â Then, with an accusatory finger pointed at you, adds, âYou may have won this battle, but Iâm winning the war.â
He stomps away, presumably to find Kazuha before the contest starts, and itâs your turn to eye-roll at his dramatics. You grab Sunghoonâs hand that hangs off of your shoulders, and together, make your way through the crowd again to the garage, where the contest is taking place. All the alcohol heâs been drinking has definitely started kicking in by now, and he finds himself giggling at nothing with you.
When you reach the threshold, still hand in hand, Sunghoon stops so abruptly behind you that you almost stumble. You look back at him, then follow his gaze towards the garage and the sheer amount of people in there. Worriedly, his eyes take in every single one of the contenders. You let go of his hand and stand in front of him, placing your hands on his shoulders and putting on a determined expression. Youâd almost look like a parent reassuring their kid before their first day of kindergarten if you werenât so much shorter than him. âDonât even worry about them, Sunghoon. We look better than anyone here.â
His eyebrows crease. âThereâs like, three other Barbie-Ken couples here. Some of these costumes are so original. And do you see their makeup? Is that even possible?â he asks, staring at a couple in scarily realistic cosplay of Simon and Jeanette from Alvin and the Chipmunks, fur and all. He canât look at them for too long without getting chills.
You shake your head. âAlmost everyone here is either a hockey player or a⊠hockey-affiliated person. Youâre the beloved and talented defenseman of the team and Iâm the star playerâs sister. Theyâll love us,â you say with a smile, watching the worry dissipate from his features.
âWeâre like nepo babies,â he whispers. His lips break into a grin when your eyebrows furrow in confusion. âI donât know how nepotism works,â he admits, smiling wider when you burst into laughter. âHow do you know if Iâm talented, anyway? You havenât seen me play yet.â
Your eyes rake him up and down appreciatively. âI took a wild guess.â
Not unlike a cartoon character, Sunghoon audibly gulps. As a hockey player since his most tender age, and dare he say, a pretty good-looking guy, he is used to girls flirting with him, and he is even hit sometimes by the occasional lightning strike of confidence that allows him to flirt back (he still canât believe he managed to call you âa distracting sightâ without spontaneously combusting). But thereâs something in your eyes, in your smile, in the way you talkâsomething about you that has his breath hitching and his heart racing. He doesnât know if he wants to run away and hide in a corner or kiss you right then and there.
Heeseung, the captain of the hockey team, announces into a microphone (which Sunghoon wonders where they got the money for) that the contest will start now, so he can neither kiss you nor run away. Instead, he follows you to the side of the room where all the contestants, including Jake and Kazuha, wait for their names to be called out. There are so many participants, it takes way longer than Sunghoon would like for the two of you to step onto the makeshift stage. Judging by the looks on the audienceâs faces, everyone is surprised to see you and Sunghoon togetherâthe hockey community at your university may be big, but everyone knows everyone, and gossip travels fast. No one had seen you and Sunghoon together before, for the obvious reason that you hadnât even met before tonight. But you could be sure that by tomorrow, as silly as it sounds, word will have gone around that you and Sunghoon had participated in a couple costume contest together.Â
At least, you give them something of substance to talk aboutâas you and Sunghoon pose on stage, wearing your brightest smiles to please the crowd, you stand on your toes and press a kiss to Sunghoonâs cheek. Sunghoonâs eyes burn a hole in the side of your face but you just watch as the audience of drunken 20-somethings goes wild over something as simple as a peck on the cheek. Jake is the only one booing.Â
Sunghoon is still in shock when the next couple is called forward and you have to step off. His cheeks are redder than before and he canât quite meet your eyes. Apparently, he also goes wild over something as simple as a peck on the cheek. You nudge his shoulder. âSee, I told you theyâd like us.âÂ
He feels like a fourteen-year-old for it, but Sunghoon canât stop thinking about your soft lips against his cheek, so much so that he barely says a word as the three judges deliberate. If you notice the sudden change in his behavior, you donât comment on it, perhaps chalking it up to nerves. Heâs glad for itâhe doesnât know if he could handle being teased about it, especially from you. Although heâs not sure he wants you to think heâs the kind to stress over a last-minute Halloween costume contest.Â
In the end, you donât win. He suspects it was a rigged contest all along: the couple in the unimpressive Edward and Bella costume are friends with one of the judges, probably leading to their anticlimactic victory. At least it isnât Simon and Jeannette who win, or Kazuha and Jake, even less original than the winners. Anyway, Sunghoon couldnât care any less. With your hand in his as you walk back to the main room in search of your other friends, he feels like the biggest victor of the night. He doesnât even mind it when his teammates tease him about his costume and how good the two of you look togetherâthe smile you shoot him makes putting up with it worth it. He tries to think straight, but between the alcohol and your proximity, he feels like youâve cast a spell on him.
Jake stumbles into your group, three drinks drunker than when Sunghoon last saw him, enthusiastically reporting that a game of spin the bottle is about to start in one of the rooms upstairs, because what every college party needs is a middle-school game to shake things up. None of the guys seem particularly interested until Jake reveals that the cheerleaders are playing.Â
Sunghoon looks down at you, laughing when he sees your mildly disgusted moue. âDonât feel like playing?â
âNot really, no.â Your eyes linger on his face. âThereâs only one person here I want to kiss, anyway.â
All capacity for thought leaves Sunghoonâs brain. He just stares back at you blankly, lips slightly agape, willing himself to say something but also terrified that whatever leaves his mouth might make him seem like the biggest loser ever.Â
You couldnât possibly mean himâbut did you? Was he the person you wanted to kiss?
As these questions resound through his head, your gaze drops to his lips. Thereâs his answer.Â
His heart beating wildly in its cage, Sunghoon decides to do one smart thing tonight and leans in, slowly but surely closing the gap between the two of you. Then a sudden vibration in the back pocket of his jeans zaps through him like lightning and he jumps back, as if startled out of the trance you had put him in. Shame flooding his cheeks, he checks his phone; itâs the stupid alarm he set himself earlier to make sure he doesnât get home too late. Midnight, Cinderella-style.Â
You scratch the back of your neck as your eyes dart around the room. For the first time tonight, you look embarrassedâSunghoon is in disbelief at how pretty you look even then. âI, um,â he starts, clears his throat. âI have this thing tomorrow morning, so I canât stay too longâŠâ he says guiltily.
He doesnât want to get his hopes up, but he swears that what he sees on your face is disappointment. It makes him want to take it all back, to stay here with you for as long as you want and forget about tomorrow morning.Â
âOh, right,â you say, nodding. âThatâs fine. What thing?â
âOh.â Sunghoon turns an impossibly deeper shade of red, further resembling the strawberry syrup the more he gets himself in these embarrassing situations with you. âJust⊠choir. I go to choir on Saturday mornings.â He looks down at his feet like heâs just revealed a secret, shameful part of himself.
You burst into laughter, and Sunghoon is scared for a second that youâre making fun of him, and his feelings are a lot more hurt than they should be by someone he just met. Although, to be fair, you donât feel like someone he just met.
âThatâs so cool! It must be such a nice change from all the dudes on the hockey team,â you say, a sweet, curious smile on your lips. Like you mean what you say. Like you might want to know more.
Sunghoon thinks he just fell in love.
He chuckles. âYeah. Definitely a nice change. As much as I love hockey, itâs nice to do something calmer, you know. And I like singing. And the cakes the local grandmas bring.â
âSo thatâs what itâs all about, really.â
âYep, you caught me.â Sunghoon still feels the almost-kiss lingering, a tension between the two of you that has him on edge. He feels like heâs just missed his bus because it left a minute earlier than planned. The opportunity is gone, and he would definitely mess everything up, trying to kiss you now. So instead, he decides to leave. Whatever must happen, will happen, even if itâs not tonight. You have the same friendsâthis is definitely not the last time you will see each other. âWell, I should probably head. I have to be up at eight tomorrow.â
âOh, wow. The choir grandmas donât play around.â
âThey really donât.â
âWell, see you around then,â you say, a clumsy laugh falling from your lips as you wrap your arms around Sunghoonâs neck, bringing him into a tight but short hug. You also smell good, he notes to himself. Of course you do.
âSee you, Y/N.â Just as heâs about to turn away, you wrap your hand around his wrist.
âWait. Sunghoon?â Heâs only half-surprised at the immense relief he feels to hear his name on your lips. Like you, too, didnât want to part with him just yet.
âYeah?â he says, wishing the hope and anticipation arenât too obvious on his face.
âWhereâs that choir of yours?â
--
When Sunghoon arrives at his neighborhoodâs community center, ten minutes before nine a.m., youâre already there. Despite the seven hours of sleep under his belt, he feels like he couldâve done with three more, and the singular cup of instant black coffee he had for breakfast was both atrocious and useless. But your smile has the restorative effect of two Red Bulls and a power nap. You look surprisingly bright, like you either managed to get a very good nightâs sleep or are just the biggest morning person to ever exist.
He hugs you when he reaches you on the sidewalk, tighter than he probably should, but you return it. You smell like fresh soap and sugar. The two of you exchange quick greetings before he leads you inside the center.Â
âI made some cookies as well.â You point to your tote bag and Sunghoonâs jaw slackens.
âYou had time to bake?âÂ
âKazuha made me take JĂ€gerbombs, so I felt crazy when I got home. I thought it wouldnât be fair on the old ladies if they did all the work.â
Sunghoon laughs. âTheyâre going to love you.â
You follow Sunghoon up two flights of stairs and into a spacious room with a wooden stage. Thereâs a snacks table on one side of the room that is almost fully decked with plates and tupperwares of all sorts, and although their contents remain covered by tin foil or lids, the coffee and hot water pots are free to use. Most of the chairs are stacked on each side of the room but a few have been put in the middle, the grandmas sitting and chatting there waving at Sunghoon as the two of you walk in. There are about fifteen people in the room so far, most of them older ladies, but not only. Thereâs a dad that came with his daughter, a couple of teenagers, and a few other adults. Itâs quite an eclectic mix, and Sunghoon loves it.
Minjeong is here, too, which Sunghoon realizes he forgot to say until he sees the sheer confusion of finding someone you know in an unexpected place on both of your faces. She walks towards you, suspicious eyes darting between you two.
âHey,â she says only to Sunghoon before turning to you, arms crossed over her chest. âAnd what are you doing here?â
âHi, Minjeong, so nice to see you too!â
âI invited Y/N,â Sunghoon says quickly, although you did technically invite yourself. For some reason, he feels the need to defend you, even though he knows you and Minjeong have been friends for years now, and Minjeong is just always this blunt.
âI didnât know this was the choir you went to,â you say to Minjeong.
âOh, this?â She looks around the room. âItâs only the choir Iâve been going to since I was a kid. Youâd know that if today wasnât the first day you showed interest in it, ever.â
âI came to your concerts!â
One of the old ladies calls Sunghoonâs name from the snack table, and he is glad for the diversion. âRight. Iâll let you guys talk this out.â A hand on your shoulder, he smiles down at you. âIâm gonna say hi to the ladies over there. Be back in a minute.â He shoots Minjeong a look as if to say, Be normal.Â
As he approaches the small group, one of them asks very loudly if youâre his girlfriend. They all burst into giggles, blushing and eager-eyed like theyâre sixteen rather than sixty. Sunghoon would be endeared if you didnât look so alarmed and Minjeong so horrified, both of you looking at him before turning back to each other and getting into a very heated and secretive discussion. He is bombarded with a hundred questions: what your name is, where youâre from, how did the two of you meet, are you together? No? But youâre so pretty! And heâs such a nice boy! He answers all of their queries to the best of his ability while checking that your conversation with Minjeong hasnât turned physicalâyour arms are now also crossed over your chest, and you look annoyed while she looks like sheâs accusing you of something, but at least, punches arenât being thrown.Â
Thankfully, itâs only a couple more minutes until the conductor calls for everyone to gather on stage, and a weight is lifted off of Sunghoonâs shoulders once the ladiesâ collective attention is no longer on him. He isnât sure where they came from, or why theyâve decided to make the choir rehearsal their hang-out spot, but there is always a group of women who sit there and knit while chatting quietly or listening to the songs, and they are sometimes joined by children whose parents are part of the choir but donât want to sing themselves and apparently have nowhere else to go. Sunghoon had been so excited at the prospect of having you come see him that he hadnât thought of how boring this might be for you, sitting with sixty-year-olds for two hours, listening to an amateur choir go through scales and sing corny romance balladsâtheyâre rehearsing for a wedding theyâve been hired to sing at. But as the minutes go by, his worry dissipates when the delighted smile on your face hardly falters. He canât imagine that his choir is that good, but you genuinely look like youâre having a nice time, and it makes Sunghoon stand a little taller, sing a little louder. Your eyes are on him for most of the time, and he blushes every time your gazes meet, but he still canât keep himself from looking away from the conductor to check on you every few seconds.  Â
Once rehearsal is over, everyone gathers around the refreshments table. When you tell Sunghoon that he looked good out there, he stuffs his mouth with banana bread to stop himself from blurting out something stupid. Your cookies are a hit, and so is everything elseâSunghoon would be more than happy to watch you eat as many baked goods as you possibly can and chat with the grandmas, but he has something to ask you. Without thinking much, he wraps his fingers around your wrist, gently pulling you away from the table and towards him. The question that was at the tip of his tongue fades as soon as you meet his eyes, looking up at him like a deer caught in headlights, cheeks stuffed with brownie. Youâre so cute that words fail him for a second, and when he notices the proximity between the two of you, takes a small, bashful step backwards. You glance at his hand still around your wrist, and he withdraws it like heâs suddenly been burned.Â
A playful smile grows on your lips. âEverything alright?â
He scratches the back of his head. âYeah, yeah, everythingâs fine. I just, um, well. Thereâs a bus that takes us from right across the street directly to the beach, if youâre, um, if youâre interested. In going. With me. If you want.â
Your eyebrows cock in surprise, and Sunghoon thinks heâs messed it all up. You shoot Minjeong a quick, worried glance, then seem to think for a second. But when you look back to him, your smile is soft. âThat sounds nice.â
An hour later, youâre running around together on the beachâor rather, Sunghoon is running around, and after five minutes of watching him with a smile on your face, heâs convinced you to run around with him. Youâve both long discarded your shoes and socks, jeans scrunched up to your mid-calves, grins so wide, your cheeks start to hurt. The wet sand is hard under your feet and the water cold against your skin. Sunghoonâs t-shirt sticks everywhere you sprayed water on him, and he knows putting his shoes on later will be a whole ordeal, but it doesnât bother him. Even the gray September sky feels brighter because youâre standing with him underneath it.Â
The water-splashing battle quickly has you both out of breath, and Sunghoon is ready to call a truce when you spot something behind him, gasping and running towards it. He turns around to find you picking up a bunch of sandcastle-building toys that mustâve been left behind by some kids. âI havenât built a sandcastle in such a long time, this is so exciting,â you say, excitement written all over your face.Â
As much as he loves seeing the glint of childish amusement in your eyes, Sunghoon keeps looking around in case the owners of these toys might appear out of thin air. âI feel like thereâs something immoral about this,â he says, and you stop stacking sand into one of the toys to look at him with a confused frown. âArenât we technically stealing from some kids?â
âSunghoon. If those kids really cared about these plastic toys, they wouldnât have left them here.â
âWhat if they come back for them?â
âThen weâll give them back. Weâre not monsters.â Thatâs all it takes for Sunghoon to give in. He helps dig trenches around the towers you build, carving out small windows on them and apologizing profusely when he accidentally pokes too hard into one of them, destroying half of it.Â
The second he notices you shivering, Sunghoon is on his feet, unwrapping the scarf around his neck and laying it like a blanket over your shoulders. âIâm going to get us something warm to drink. Iâll be back in a minute!â he announces before you can even protest, and practically runs to the nearest cafĂ©.Â
He only leaves you and the slightly pathetic-looking sandcastle alone for a minute, quickly coming back with two take-away cups of milky Earl Grey tea and a brownie that he couldnât help himself from buying. The moan you let out when you bite into it, gooey, sweet chocolate sticking to your teeth, goes straight down Sunghoonâs spine, but he tries not to let his thoughts get too carried away.
âGood, right?â he asks, laughing when you nod fervently. When you laugh too, itâs a sound so sweet, it rivals the decadence of the brownie. âI sometimes make the trip all the way here just for this.â
âI thought Iâd be done with sweets after this morning, but this is so good.â
âBetter than Bertaâs banana bread?â
âOh, a hundred percent,â you say, covering your mouth with your hand as you speak. âSorry, Berta. Iâll be thinking about this for the rest of my life.â
Sunghoon hopes youâll remember him as the boy whoâd introduced you to those brownies, if nothing else.
The two of you are silent for a little bit, but itâs a comfortable silenceâsomething Sunghoon didnât know was possible with someone heâd just met. This was something he loved about the sea: it allowed for some quiet. The crashing of the waves against the shore, the calls of the seagulls, the dogs barking after themâit all meant he didnât need to fill the space with needless chatter. He could look out at the peaceful water, you by his side, and just enjoy the moment.
âIâm still so amazed whenever I come to the beach, no matter how many times itâs been.â Sunghoonâs voice is quiet when he speaks, lower than usual. It sounds a lot more intimate than he means it to be. You turn your head to look at him, silently asking him to go on. Thereâs a small smile playing on his lips, a twinkle in his eyes as he watches the water. âThe town I grew up in is right in the middle of the country, so the sea is like, a five-hour drive. There was a lake nearby, but it was nothing compared to this. It might sound silly, but being from somewhere where everyone knows each other, I never realized just how big the world was until I came here and saw the sea for the first time.â
âYouâd never been to the sea before coming here?â you ask, surprise clear in your voice.Â
He shakes his head. âMy hometown isnât far from the mountains, so itâs a huge tourist spot both in the winter and in the summer, which meant my mom had to work even when my sister and I were out of school and could actually go on holiday. Weâd go visit my grandparents and aunts when we found the time, but that was it.â He meets your gaze, a smile playing on his lips at the thought of his hometown and his family. âThis is the furthest Iâve ever been from home.âÂ
The corners of your lips raise into a smile too, matching Sunghoonâs. âAnd how has that been going?â
He sighs. âItâs okay. I miss my mom and sister like crazy, of course, but they FaceTime me so much that I barely notice it. And anyways, itâs also nice to be on my own. Discover another part of myself, and all that.â
âFor sure.âÂ
Thereâs a slight shift in your expression that Sunghoon catches onto, a falter in your smile and a hint of sadness in your eyes. He doesnât want to force a topic that you donât want to talk about, so he just gently eggs you on, in case all you need is a small push.
âWhat about you? I think Jake mentioned you guys growing up around here, only an hour or so away.â
At the mention of your brother, the smile returns to your eyes. You take a deep breath and think for a bit, but eventually, you start talking. Although Sunghoonâs eyes are on you, you keep yours trained on the sea. âYeah, we did. We live just up the coast, so we were always hanging out at the beach. In a way, itâs nice having the sea here as well. Itâs like-I donât know.â
âLike having a piece of home even when youâre away?â
Your gazes meet for just a second, the surprise clear in your eyes, but as quickly as it came, itâs gone, and you turn away from Sunghoon once more. âBasically, yeah.â A sardonic smile appears on your lips. âAlthough the constant reminder isnât always appreciated.âÂ
He tilts his head. When you donât say anything further, he flicks some sand onto your hand and asks you what you mean by that. He looks at you with curiosity and kindness only, eager to know more about you, to let you know that you can open up to him, that he wonât judge you, but careful not to overstep any boundaries either. It seems to work.
âIt might sound stupid, but back home, the beach was a place I could go to when it all was a bit too much, you know? Like an escape from everyday life. Where I could forget about all of the pressure on my shoulders.â Sunghoon hums, and you take another deep breath. âI donât know if you and Jake talk about this sort of thing, but⊠our parents are barely nice when we do well, and pretty awful when we donât reach their expectations. So we were like, constantly having to outdo ourselves just for them to say, âKeep it upâ, or something like that. And if we did something wrong, wellâŠâ
You trail off, but Sunghoon knows what you mean. âYeah, Jake said they barely spoke to him anymore because he decided to play hockey instead of becoming, like, a doctor or something.â
You smile, but itâs humorless. âYep. They send him money, and he comes home for a bit over Christmas and summer break, but thatâs it. Iâve gone home by myself sometimes and they wonât even mention him, itâs insane.â
âHe also doesnât talk about it a lot.â
âI know. Iâm always the one to bring it up. I know itâs a sensitive topic for him, obviously, but I still find it amazing how well he deals with it. But me⊠despite everything, I still need their approval, you know?â you ask, and Sunghoon nods.
âThat makes sense.â
You sigh. âI guess. And Iâm obviously not becoming a doctor like them. Not a medical one, at least. It took a year of convincing them that doing the degree Iâm doing was okay. âCause at the end of the day, itâs still me filling in my university applications, and they canât actually force me to go to medical school, but I still wanted them to be proud of me. Even if I study languages.â Itâs quiet for a few seconds as you both look out at the waves crashing against the shore. When you start talking again, you look down at the sand, picking it up and letting it filter through your fingers. âSo, yeah. Jake got a scholarship here, and I didnât wanna be too far from home, so here we are. Weâre so close to home, the sea I went to when I needed a break in high school and the sea I go to now are one and the same. And now it reminds me of my parents rather than making me forget about them.â
âIâm sorry for bringing you here,â Sunghoon says. âI didnât thinkâŠâ
You cut him off with a smile. âItâs okay. Now Iâve created new memories. Nice ones. And you know⊠wherever I am, itâll be at the back of my mind. Itâs up to me whether I let it affect my life or not.â
âLetting go of these things is never easy,â Sunghoon offers. âYou also canât blame yourself if it does affect you sometimes.â
When you look at Sunghoon, your eyes darting back-and-forth between his like theyâre searching for something there, he feels himself tense up slightly. He canât read you at all, has no idea what youâre thinking even as you smile and say, âYouâre right.â Even as you silently link your pinky with his, gazing down at your hands with a small smile. He hadnât realized how cold his hands were until this small touch, so small yet able to spread warmth throughout his entire body. When he speaks, he canât bring himself to meet your eyesâheâs still so focused on where your hands touch, too aware of the skin of your finger right against his. Such a small, innocent touch. He canât even begin to understand why it means so much to him.
âFor what itâs worth, I think what youâre doing is super cool,â he says. âIâve always been so shit at foreign languages, let alone dead languages. And packing your bags and going abroad for a year, not everybody can do that. Becoming a doctor might be hard, but it also takes a specific kind of person to do what you do. And what Jake does. Itâs all valuable.â
âNow, if you could say that again while I record you to show my parents, please,â you say, making him laugh.
âItâd be my pleasure.â
âWhat about you?â you ask him after a small pause. âI canât be the only one who trauma-dumps on the first date.â
Sunghoonâs breath hitches in his throat. He hadnât even dared entertain the thought that this might be more than a platonic hang-out in case he was crossing a lineâbut youâve just called it a date. With just a few casual words, youâve changed the entire meaning of the hours youâve spent together. He hopes you canât tell how flustered itâs made him.
âWell, thereâs not much trauma to dump, really. Sorry.âÂ
You giggle. âDonât apologize. Thatâs a good thing.â
Now that youâve just opened up about your parents, Sunghoon is scared that telling you about how good of a childhood he had might come off as insensitiveâbut you smile softly at him, holding his hand face-up in yours, tracing the lines of his palm with the tip of a finger, and he starts talking. âSo, it was just me, my older sister and my mom growing up. My dad died when I was 2.â
âOh, Iâm sorry.â
âItâs okay. It is a bit sad that I donât have any memories of him, but everyone who knew him said he was a great guy. And my momâs had this boyfriend since I was like, 10? Heâs the one who got me to start hockey. So it hasnât been that bad.â
âYour mom must be really strong.â
Sunghoon smiles. âShe is. Sheâs amazing. To raise two kids on your own while grieving and not royally fuck up is⊠well, amazing. Sheâs always been so supportive of us, no matter what we wanted to do. My sister did well at school, but I wasnât so good. I never really enjoyed it, but sheâs never made me feel bad about it. She didnât mind that all I wanted to do was hit a puck around.âÂ
âAnd youâre pretty good at hitting that puck around, arenât you?â
âIâm not so bad,â Sunghoon says, chuckling along with you. Heâs about to go on, but he is cut off by a raindrop hitting his hand, then another one; before either of you know it, your clothes are soaked through. Sunghoon takes his denim jacket off, using it as a makeshift umbrella for the both of you as you run towards the nearest awning, shaking with giddy laughter until you forget about the chilly rain and the clothes sticking to your skin. When it doesnât let up for another few minutes, Sunghoon suggests catching the bus back, and you agree.Â
The heating on the bus is set on low, but itâs enough to warm Sunghoon up as soon as he steps onto it. You sit at the back in a corner of your own, multiple rows away from the other people onboard. The two of you are relatively quiet, lost in your own thoughts until Sunghoon, after much internal deliberating, takes one of your hands in his and interlaces your fingers together. You look up at him, but he doesnât return your gaze, eyes fixed on the window to hide his shy smile and the blush slowly staining his cheeks. To his surprise, you squeeze his hand and rest your head on his shoulder. He freezes for a second, unsure how to react to your reciprocated affection, but he makes himself relax into your touch, and starts brushing his thumb back-and-forth on the back of your hand. The sudden storm has made day turn to night a little earlier today, and with the quiet hum of the bus, he finds himself on the edge of sleep for the whole rideâthe only thing keeping him awake is his booming heart.
The bus is nearing his stop when the buzz of his phone in his back pocket jolts him awake. You lift your head from his shoulder, massaging your neck as you fish your phone out of your own pocket. Sunghoon, more intrigued by you than by whoever has texted him, watches as the brightness of your screen makes you wince. Once youâve read the text, you turn towards him, sleepy eyes and sleepy voice as you ask him whether heâs seen âthis,â referring to a text from Chaewon. dinner at our flat tonight!!! come whenever. bring drinks.Â
âOh, I forgot she was doing that tonight,â you say through a yawn.
Sunghoon chuckles. âDo you have enough energy for it?â
âI always have enough energy for Chaewonâs cooking.â
You and Sunghoon make a pit-stop at a grocery store to buy two bottles of white wine and the hummus Chaewon likes, then head to your flat. Naturally, questions are asked when you and Sunghoon arrive at the exact same time, but before Sunghoon can explain that you spent the day together, Minjeongâs head pops out of the kitchen door, and she asks whether you ran into each other downstairs. Chaewon is only looking at the both of you, waiting for an answer, so she doesnât see the very pointed look Minjeong gives you, as if to say Agree with me or else. You quickly glance at Sunghoon then say, âYeah, we just arrived at the same time.â When theyâve both turned away, you tell him in a hushed tone that youâll ask her about it later.Â
The girls are busy in the small kitchen and Chaewon insists that they donât need any more help, so you and Sunghoon bring two chairs by the kitchen door and sit as Yunjin catches the four of you up on the most recent drama in her Law cohort. Jay arrives twenty minutes later, but it isnât another hour before Jake shows up with the excuse that he was taking a nap.
âSomeone would think you donât sleep at night, with the amount of naps you take,â you say.
âOh my God, I miss when you werenât here,â Jake replies, flicking your forehead before promptly plopping himself down on the couch. âI was so hungover when I woke up. I had to sleep it off,â he explains as he grabs four cans of beer from his backpack.Â
Chaewon always makes a point to ask how everyoneâs spent their day, but today, she unfortunately starts with Sunghoon, so he doesnât have any time to come up with anything believable other than the truth, which is exactly what he doesâand when Jay asks, What, to the beach by yourself? under Minjeongâs heavy gaze, he has no choice but to say yes. He isnât sure why itâs such a big deal that you spent the day with him, or why it needs to be kept a secret, but there must be a reason. Heâll find out later. When itâs your turn, you look straight into Sunghoonâs eyes as you say you spent the day at the library but didnât get much work done. Everyone ignores Jake when he exclaims Boring! and Chaewon swiftly moves onto Jay.
But you donât.Â
Your eyes stay on Sunghoon, unflinchingly watching him, expression unreadable, and he finds himself unable to look away, even as he feels his face heat up and his stomach flip. Then you smile, a satisfied smirk like you got what you wanted, and shift your gaze to Jay, whoâs going on and on about the first six episodes of Lost he binge-watched earlier and wondering why nobody had told him about this âmasterpiece of a showâ before. Sunghoon is too busy thinking about the way youâd looked at him and pondering all the reasons for it to listen carefully. He watched Lost when he was fourteen anyway.
All throughout the evening, as the seven of you eat Chaewonâs pasta dish (which she made entirely from scratch, and is probably one of the best things to have ever graced Sunghoonâs taste buds), drink, talk, and afterwards, play card games, every glance between you and Sunghoon feels like a secret conversation that only the two of you are privy to. No one except for Minjeong is aware that you spent the day just the two of you until nowâand even she doesnât know what it is you did. Within a day of knowing each other, you already share memories that are yours and no one elseâs. Sunghoon is giddy with the knowledge, heart skipping every time your eyes meet, no matter how fleetingly. When youâre all saying goodbye, it takes everything in him not to hug you for an awkwardly long time and to tear himself away from you.Â
He can hardly fall asleep that night.
--
For the entirety of the year you were gone, Sunghoon could only nod and smile while the others bemoaned your absence or commented on how much more fun itâd be if you were here (even Jake, after enough wine spritzers, would admit to missing you). He understood that the group dynamics might feel different to them without you around, but this particular set of people was all he knew, so he never minded it. It reminded him of people telling him how sad it mustâve been growing up without a father, trying to be empathetic, when he didnât know how he could miss something he never had.Â
But now that youâre here, he gets it. You add something to the group that he canât quite put his finger on. Itâs in your affectionate gestures towards Chaewon and Yunjin, in your shared sense of humor with Jay (which no one else seems to find funny, save for Sunghoon, sometimes), in your bickering with Minjeong and downright arguing with Jake. Itâs a hackneyed expression, but you do light up a roomâat least in Sunghoonâs opinion, you do. In your presence, everything feels not only more lively, but also more cohesive, like you were the missing piece of a puzzle. Like a historic work of art that has been returned to its rightful owner.Â
Sunghoon just finds himself drawn to you, at times unable to keep his eyes off of you, and the only things keeping him from making a move are his inherent shyness and the eyes of your friends. He doesnât want to mess up the friendship he has with anyone from the group, least of all Jake, just because he canât keep it in his pants. He thought of Yunjin and Chaewon, how their relationship had gone smoothly from the beginning and posed no problem to the dynamic of the group, but he had no idea if this was replicable between you and him at all.
If he had to be honest, a big part of him was also just afraid youâd reject him.
Getting a read on you is hard, which doesnât help. Itâs been three weeks since the gang reunited, since that party where you met. The first semester of his second and your fourth year started a little bit over a week ago; Sunghoon sometimes worries that you think there is some big age gap between you and that you see him as a kid, even though, admittedly, two years is not such a huge difference. In those three weeks, there have been many encounters which could be seen as cases of flirting between the two of youâSunghoon has noticed every single one of them and replayed each an embarrassing amount of times in his head. A hand carefully posited on his shoulder; prolonged eye contact; jokes whispered in his ear at a crowded house party; knees lightly touching at first, then pressed together during movie night. None of it ever fails to make Sunghoonâs heart flutter. You could breathe in his general direction and itâd make his heart beat fast enough to worry a cardiologist, so when you smile at him, itâs a small death every time.
And so he dares hope that his interest isnât one-sidedâalthough most of the time, he is so stuck between thinking none of it means anything and thinking every single thing you do is a sign that you like him, that he rarely knows what to think. And whenever youâve paid him enough attention to make him believe itâs not all in his head, you do something that proves him wrong. Watching you interact with other people, he realizes that you keep good eye contact with everyone and that youâre just as touchy and playful with all of your friends. At parties, you hit it off with new people and catch up with old friends without so much as a hint of awkwardness. He watches as you talk to other guys, the same smile that has been making him weak for the past three weeks, directed towards them and not him. Sunghoon assumes youâre either really nice to everyone and oblivious to the fact that it could be seen as flirting, or you just flirt with everyone.Â
In that sense, the two of you are complete opposites. Sunghoon, whose entire friend group hangs on the fact that he befriended Jay, who knew Jake, who knew you, Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewon. Sunghoon who has spoken to maybe half of his hockey team outside of the locker rooms and the occasional party. Sunghoon who, outside of his usual friend group, has managed to make three other friends on his own in the year heâs been at university, because they had been put in a group project and magically hit it off enough to upgrade from classmates to friends.Â
Then thereâs you, who has to stop every thirty seconds at a party to say hi to someone you know. You, who still keeps in touch with the friends you made in a foreign country, even those who spoke broken English. You, who didnât make Sunghoon feel like his crippling shyness was a problem when you first met.Â
He doesnât understand how everyone who meets you doesnât instantly fall in love.Â
Or maybe they do, and heâs just one of many vying for your heart.Â
Tonight is one of the nights where all he can do is watch from afar as you interact with another man that he desperately wishes was him. With your lower back against the kitchen counter, drink in hand as you laugh with that other guy, eyes never leaving his face, it almost looks like someone has copied your time with Sunghoon at the costume party and pasted it onto this post-hockey game party. All youâre missing is a bright pink cowgirl hat and boots to match.
And yet, itâs his team jacket over your shoulders, his name and number on your back. Sunghoon shouldnât feel nearly as jealous as he does.
So he does what any good friend would do, and blames Jay for reasons completely unwarrantedâeven now, days after receiving his advice, and hours after taking it, Sunghoon still canât help but regret involving him at all.Â
Initially, Sunghoon hadnât wanted to tell anyone about his growing feelings for youâheâd thought that if he pushed them away and kept them to himself, theyâd go away on their own. But clearly, they didnât, seeing as how his stomach always twisted in nervous excitement at the prospect of seeing you and how he could never get through a conversation with you without blushing. So, quicker than heâd like to admit, heâd given in and told Jay about the day youâd spent at the beach and how felt about you now, thinking it was some big shameful secret that would render his friend flabbergasted.Â
That was his first mistake.Â
Jay wasnât impressed. âYeah, itâs been pretty obvious, dude,â heâd said through a mouthful of cheeseburger. It was after hockey practice, and they were sitting in the burger joint near the ice rink that had some of the best student deals in town. Jake was going on a Hinge date, and Sunghoon had lured Jay in with the promise of free food (Jay wanted to go home and game, but all Sunghoon needed to do to convince him was to say âIâll pay for itâ).Â
âObvious? How obvious? Does everyone know? Does Jake know?â Sunghoon asked, growing more agitated by the second.
âJake is possibly the worst room-reader that has ever lived, so no, I donât think heâs caught on. But the rest of us know. I mean, you look at her like a twelve-year-old with a crush on his English teacher,â Jay said, unceremoniously cramming fries into his mouth.
Sunghoon ignored the slightly humiliating remark, still preoccupied by the fact that he hadnât been as discreet as he thought he had. He leant in towards Jay and dropped his voice to a whisper, even though the restaurant was practically empty, save for them and a group of rowdy middle school boys who were definitely not paying attention to them. âDo you think⊠does she know?â
Jay dropped his fist on the table in sudden annoyance, causing Sunghoon to jump back in his seat. âNow youâre acting like a twelve-year-old.â Before Sunghoon could defend himself and argue that heâs being completely rational, Jay launches into a surprisingly moving monologue. âItâs fine if you like her, thereâs nothing to be embarrassed of. Everybody feels attraction towards other people, everybody gets crushes, itâs no big deal. Just talk to her. Worst case scenario, she doesnât feel the same way, and you both move on, because youâre adults.â
Thereâs nothing worse than a friend being right about something you absolutely donât want to hear. Sunghoon did feel like he had been carrying a horrible secret around, but Jay was spot-on: crushes are a very common, very human experience. And yet Sunghoon managed to feel like he was the only one who had ever had to go through this torture. âYou say that like itâs easy,â he said, sulking.
âIt is easy. Youâre making it hard.â
âSo what, your advice is just to confess to her?â
Jay rolled his eyes. âSee? Youâre saying confess like itâs some sin you have to repent for. Yeah, just tell her.â
âJust tell her,â Sunghoon repeated, looking at his friend like he was crazy. Jay just took another bite of his burger.
âYeah, dude. Itâs not even like youâve known each other for a long time, so thereâs no risk of ruining a friendship, or anything.â
âBut do you even know if she feels the same way at all?â
Jay shrugged. âShe hasnât mentioned anything,â he said, and Sunghoonâs heart dropped in disappointment. âBut itâs Y/N, sheâll be cool about it. And who knows, she might actually see something in you, for some godforsaken reason.â
Jay laughed at his own joke, and Sunghoon afforded him a chuckle. They moved on to other topics, but later, as they waited for Jayâs bus to come, he couldnât help himself. âDo you think Jake will mind? If something happens with Y/N and me?â
Jay thought for a second. âI think heâd be more upset with her than with you, what with everything that happened with Heeseung... But knowing him, he probably wonât care as long as you arenât weird in front of him.â He puts a hand on Sunghoonâs shoulder and shakes it gently. âDonât let that stop you from making a move, okay? Youâll cross that bridge when you get to it.â His bus came then, so Sunghoon couldn't ask for more details about this Heeseung situationâhe knew that there had been something between you and him which hadnât ended particularly well, but no one ever really talked about it so he didnât dare bring it up. All he knew was that it had been significant enough for Jay to mention it now, and for Jake to seem bothered every time it was mentioned.
He put all of that out of his head for the time being. In a way, he had just received Jayâs blessing; even if it scared him shitless, he could make a move. Perhaps not something as straightforward as Jay was suggesting, but something, at the very least.Â
The first major hockey game of the season was that coming Friday. Sunghoon had an idea.
The morning of, he shot you a text. He tried to make it sound as nonchalant as he can, so that you wouldnât know he spent close to an hour deleting, writing and pouring over a singular sentence. Can you meet me in front of the locker rooms 30 mins before the game?Â
That was his second mistake.
You replied twenty minutes later, twenty minutes that Sunghoon spent questioning everything that had led up to this moment.
yn.sim iâll be there!!
You even got there five minutes early. He was waiting for you, all decked out in his hockey uniform, save for the gloves and protective headgear. He was anxiously chewing on gum, heart doing somersaults inside his ribcageâa grin found his lips as soon as you appeared around the corner, the sight of you alleviating his nerves for a second, then doubling them when you came close. âHey,â he said, voice soft and slightly trembling.
âHey,â you simply replied, a smile on your face to match his as he took you in his arms. It was a hug that lasted a second longer than it should, but that also ended too early for his liking.
âUm, I only have a second, Coach will be wanting to give one of his pep talks,â he said when you separated. One quick glance back at the locker room doors behind him, then back at you. The tips of his ears burnt, and he couldnât stop his eyes from furtively darting between your face and the floor. But heâd come this far, so he couldnât back out now. He just had to get it over with. âHere,â he blurted out, holding out the letterman jacket he had been hiding behind his back. You grabbed it, eyeing him with amused suspicion at first, but surprise spreaded over your features as you unfurled the jacket.
âYour team jacket?âÂ
He couldnât tell whether you were amazed or horrified. You stared wide-eyed at the jacket, at its dark green sleeves, at the four letters of his last name and the huge number 8 embroidered onto the back. Your surprise faded back into what he thought â what he hoped â was excitement as you looked at him. He scratched the back of his neck, feeling his face flush red. âYeah, I just, you know⊠Itâs the first big game of the year, and I thought itâd bring me good luck if a pretty girl was wearing my nameâŠâ he explained, repeating the words heâd practiced over and over, voice turning into more and more of a mumble as he spoke. He had planned on speaking with more confidence, but now, the fact that he could speak at all felt like a miracle.
A light giggle spilled out of your mouth. Sunghoon immediately took it for mockery and regretted every decision that had led him here. âSorry, it was a silly idea, you donât have to wear it if you donât like it,â he said, reaching for the jacket. But you were quicker than him, hugging the thick bundle of fabric to your chest as you now beamed at him.
âAre you kidding? I love it,â you said, shrugging off your jacket and replacing it with his.
First, relief flooded his body, then pride and excitement â as you spun around and showed the jacket off â at seeing his name on your back, and his attempt at making a move being successful. At least, he thought it was clear what he meant by giving you his jacket to wear at his gameâhe could only hope you understood. âWell⊠Iâm glad.â Your eyes met, and you both chuckled softly, gazes holding each otherâs for a second too long.Â
Two weeks ago, Sunghoon still wouldâve been able to convince himself this was a fluke; that this was just another one of his crushes that a gentle breeze could blow away. Because after all, when Sunghoon fell in love, it usually went as quickly as it came. But at that moment, in front of the locker rooms, his mind solely on you and not the opening game of the season, he realized this was something else entirely. And whatever it was, he hadnât felt it in a good long while.
He was terrifiedâbut infinitely excited, too.
âOkay, I should probably head back in now,â he forced himself to say, but made no move to go.
âOkay.â
He paused. âWill you be cheering me on?â
Your smile widened. âOf course.â
He nodded slowly, upper body starting to turn away but feet still firmly planted on the ground. âOkay.âÂ
Another second passed, and just as he was about to actually walk away, you grabbed his hand. Before he could compute what was happening, you lifted your head and pressed a small kiss to his cheek. His hand was still in yours when you took a step back, and for once, it was you who looked sheepishly at the floor. âFor good luck,â you explained. He had no time to replyâyou were already walking away, only looking back once to wave and shoo him in the direction of the locker room. He chuckled and nodded, but waited until you were out of sight to head back into the locker room.
Inside the locker room, everyone was too focused on getting their head in the game to notice his giddy smile. Your lips had been warm and soft against his cheeks, a welcome repeat of that time at the costume party, but the quickness of it all had only made him want more. From that very first night heâd met you, the question of how your lips would feel on his had scarcely left his mind. This brought him a step closer to getting an answer, but also made his curiosity grow tenfold.
Thankfully, by the time his coach gathered them around for a last minute pep talk, heâd managed to put the distracting thoughts of you out of his head, at least temporarilyâheâd need to play well, for himself and his team mostly, but impressing you was also a priority.Â
As the captain, Heeseung said a few words. He reminded the team of how important this match was and went over the main strategy points. For the time being, Sunghoon was able to forget about his arguably unfounded resentment against the older boy and whatever it was he had to do with you. This was not the time for jealousy over someone he had no right to feel jealous over.Â
A few minutes later, his members and those of the opposing team poured out onto the rink for warm-up. Sunghoon searched the crowd for your faceâwhen he found it, you were already smiling wide and waving at him. His heart did something funny, but Jay punched his shoulder pad and he remembered what he was there for. He could get lost in the eyes of a pretty girl later, specifically when heâd destroyed the other team and shown her how good of a hockey player he was.
Every now and then as he skirted around the rink and did his stretches, he stole glances at you. They didn't last long, because every single time, youâd already be looking, as if your eyes never strayed from him. Knowing you were watching made him nervous at first, but by the end of warm-up, mainly because he didnât have much of a choice, heâd turned those nerves into an ever stronger will to do well.
The moment the referee blew the whistle, and for the hour that followed, Sunghoon was locked in on one thing and one thing only: winning. He was only competitive when it came to hockeyâhe didnât care about dying in an online battle game or losing to Jake at beer pong, but once he was on the rink, he had to win. Pride surged through him and filled every crevice of his aching limbs whenever he or one of his team members scored, and the feeling that came with a victory, with hugging his teammates in celebration or hearing the crowd cheer for them, was like nothing else heâd ever known. The other side of that coin meant that any loss was a tremendous disappointment. Getting beat at an important game could put him in a week-long funk. His sister had once carefully hinted at his self-esteem relying too much on his hockey performance, and although his first reaction had been to dismiss her, he knew she had poked at some truth there. But what could he doâon particularly lonely nights, he truly thought hockey was all he had going for him.Â
To his overthinking nature, becoming so single-minded the second the whistle blows was a relief, a break from the stress of daily life. He didnât have to worry about his next deadline or about what the guys on the team thought of him or about the inevitable phone call to his mom asking for more money for groceries. It was respite from the thoughts surrounding you that plagued him: how you felt about him, how you might react knowing what he felt for you, how Jake might react. Why Minjeong hadnât wanted you to say anything that evening, but why Jay had told him to just go for it. Heeseung, whom he had to respect as the captain and an undeniably talented player, but also as someone who had had something to do with you, whether good or bad. All of it had been wildly bustling around Sunghoonâs mind, but once on the rink, all he had to concern himself with was the puck and getting it in the opposing teamâs goal.Â
And Sunghoon did just thatâhe scored the first goal of the game, another one in the second period, then a third during the eleventh hour, breaking the tie between the two teams. He smiled right at you after each one, just to make sure you had seen everything. He couldnât quite describe how it felt to see you clap and cheer for him, jumping up-and-down, forming a megaphone with your hands around your mouth and yelling, âGo Sunghoon!â all while you wore his jacket. It was a separate kind of pride and satisfaction from the sort heâd get seeing anyone else cheer him on, for sure.Â
The other team put up a good fight, getting in a few goals of their own and protecting their side well, but in the end, thanks to Sunghoonâs goal, it was his team that won. He took his helmet off and got his hair ruffled by half of his team, then shook hands with the other team, trying to contain his boastful smileâsome ice hockey players flew off the handle very quickly, and starting a fight was the last thing he wanted.
Kids and local fans huddled by the barriers on each side of the playerâs tunnel to get an autograph or a picture. People around here were weirdly attached to their university sport teams, and the athletes on teams that did particularly well â namely football and rugby â were sort of local celebrities. Their ice hockey team wasnât quite at that stage yet, but they were placing better nationally with every year, and so the local interest had grown. More kids had started signing up for lessons, and their parents often brought them to home games. As Sunghoon chatted with men twice his age and took selfies with ten-year-olds, he tried to find you in the crowd, to no avail. Heâd been hoping for a thumbs-up from you for a game well played, or even a hug, but you were nowhere in sight.
It wasnât until half-an-hour later, after saying bye to all the fans that had waited after the game for them, listening to Heeseung and their coach congratulate them (but also remind them to not take anything for granted), showering and changing, that he got to check his phone.
chaewon we going k-bbq! u guys played well see u later at da party!!!!
Disappointment only had a second to sink to the bottom of his stomach. Heâd barely finished reading the text when he was hoisted up by the shoulders. Two of his senior teammates, Soobin and Beomgyu, marched him towards the exit. âWe are getting you wasted tonight, Park,â Beomgyu announced, a wide grin on his lips.
âI have a good feeling about this season,â Soobin added. Sunghoon looked back to find Jay and Jake simply shrugging and laughing at him.
Indeed, the second they got to the dorm where tonightâs party would be taking place, a beer was thrusted in his hand. It was only 7 p.m., still light outside, but that didnât stop the team nor their friends that had come to the game. They sipped beer like it was water, so much so that two hours later, when the party started to grow, Sunghoon was already quite inebriated. It didnât help that his cup was never empty for too long, and that he had the reassurance of being in his own dormâit was the closest student building to the ice rink, and so was one of the prime spots for hockey parties. He could get as drunk as he wanted â or as Beomgyu wanted â and still get home in less than a minute.Â
He somehow ended up in the corridor, part of a nonsensical conversation about candle-making with two guys he had recognized from one of his Phys Ed classes but could not for the life of him remember the names of. One had shared that candle-making was a big hobby of his, and it had made Sunghoon and the other unknown man lose their mindsâSunghoon had never realized how curious about candle-making he was, but he couldnât stop asking questions. It sounded great. Maybe heâd have to pick up candle-making, too.Â
Eventually, he headed back to the kitchen for a new drink. For the nth time this evening, he thought of texting you, then immediately thought against it. He wanted to know when youâd get here, but he didnât want you to know that he wanted to knowâalthough as the night deepened and his intoxication rose, he could remember less and less why that would be such a bad thing. He stepped into the kitchen, and going from the brightly-lit corridor to the dark kitchen with flashing neon lights made him so dizzy that he made a beeline for the couch, needing to sit down for a second.
And that was when he saw you.
Lower back against the counter, talking with a guy heâs never seen in his life. You look like youâre having funâsmiling, laughing, keeping eye contact with that guy. Youâre still wearing his jacket. It should probably reassure himâhis name is literally on you, what does it matter that youâre speaking to someone else? But instead, all he can think is that wearing his jacket must mean nothing to you. What was basically a confession from him seems to have fallen on deaf ears.
His friendsâ words over the past year come back to himâhow much you flirt with people, how it wasnât a rare occurrence for you to go home with a guy after a party and never speak of him ever again. Was this what was happening here?
He knows itâs unreasonable, but in his drunken state, he takes it as a betrayal. Like he canât believe you havenât read his mind, figured out how he felt about you, and decided to give special attention to him and him only. Heâs only able to take it for so longâtwo minutes later, he trudges out of the room, walking right past you but not looking your way.
His new mission is to find his friends, but before heâs done much searching, he hears his name being called out. Of course, he recognizes your voice immediately, but he doesnât quite believe it until he looks over his shoulder, and there you are, face glowing and smiling wide. Youâve clearly had a few drinks, but he likes to think youâd be just as happy to see him if you were sober. He turns around to face you, watching as you narrow the distance between the two of you. Heâs not in a much better stateâthe simple thought that you had come after him makes him forget any sort of resentment he held against you a second ago. When you reach him, he holds on to one of your arms, as much an effort to stabilize his swaying body as an excuse to touch you.
âHey,â he simply says. Heâs always at a loss for words around you, so scared heâll say the wrong thing that he ends up barely speaking at all. Heâs only sober enough to know that with all the cheap beer and vodka running through his blood, his odds of making a fool of himself are even bigger.Â
âHey. I was wondering where you were.âÂ
âYouâre the one who came late.â
âI know!â you exclaim. âI wanted to come right away, but Chaewon was hell-bent on getting her Korean barbecue.â
âShe does get cranky when she hasnât had pork belly in a while.â Sunghoon feels like heâs just won the Nobel Prize when you let out a laugh. âWas the food good at least?â
âIt was amazing. So worth getting here late,â you joke.
He rolls his eyes playfully. âI see how it is.â Then, before he can stop himself, he adds, âThen we should go there together next time.âÂ
Your smile changes, turning from cheerful to surprised, but amusedâalmost mischievous. You take a step forward. Sunghoon gulps; the gap between the two of you was narrow to begin with. âAre you asking me out on a date?â
Usually, this type of straight-forwardness would have him stuttering, but drunk Sunghoon is a man sober Sunghoon barely recognizes in the morning. âYeah. I am. Is that okay?â
You nod. âMh-hm.â
âNice. Okay.â For a second, you just look at each other. Another thing about drunk Sunghoon: he doesnât feel like prolonged eye contact will make him spontaneously combust. He actually quite enjoys it. He also stumbles, even when all heâs doing is trying to stand straight. âYouâre still wearing my jacket,â he eventually says, reaching out to take the end of your sleeve between his fingers.
You stretch out your arms and appraise the team jacket as if you only remembered you had it on. âYeah. Itâs comfy.â
âIt looks good. You look good.â
âYouâre not quite sober, are you?â you ask suddenly.Â
âIs it that obvious?â When you nod, he giggles, lowering his head in defeat. âThe guys made me drink so much.â
âYou did score three goals after all. And you looked good doing it.â
At the praise, he stands up to his full height and places his palms behind his head in a victorious pose. âI did, didnât I?â he says, looking off in the distance with a self-assured look that makes you burst into laughter. He drops the confident facade and laughs along with you, until somebody bumps into him and sends him stumbling forwards. If you werenât standing there to catch him, heâd probably have fallen flat on his face. But even though he doesnât fall, he feels all the alcohol catching up to him and threatening to come right back out where it came from. You hold him for a second, and just as you ask him if heâs okay, he says, âI think Iâm gonna throw up.â
You sigh. âOkay. Whereâs your room?âÂ
Arm under his shoulders, you let Sunghoon lean most of his weight on you as you guide him towards the elevator. Itâs just one floor, but you said you didnât want to risk the stairs with him. âHey, who was that guy with you in the kitchen? That guy in the striped shirt? You guys seemed real chummy back thereâŠâ he mumbles as you help him out of the elevator. Even on the verge of sickness, Sunghoon is preoccupied by more important things.
âOh, that was Jaemin.â
âJaemin,â he echoes, more venom in his voice than needed.
You look at him, taking in his disgruntled expression, and chuckle. âYeah, heâs having some problems with his boyfriend. He asked me for advice.â
Sunghoon almost freezes in his tracks, but youâre there to keep him walking towards his room. âOh. He has a boyfriend.â
âYeahâŠâ He can tell you want to tease him about it, but thankfully, you say nothing. Heâs made it clear he had gotten jealous of your gay friendâno need to spell it out in so many words. Once you reach his studio (which heâd stupidly left unlocked), he heads straight for the bathroom, locking himself in, half out of embarrassment, half because he really doesnât want you to see him throw up. Talk about a turn-off. He leans over the toilet bowl, waiting for the vomit to rise, but nothing comes. He waits, and waits, mind completely empty, head spinning even though heâs sitting very still, when suddenly a knock on the door pulls him out of his stupor.
âSunghoon? Itâs been ten minutes. Everything okay?â
He doesnât say anything, just unlocks the door for you. Without realizing, he fell asleep like a bored teenager in math class. âAll right,â he hears you say.
Heâs surprised youâre able to carry him out of the bathroomâif he was a deadweight before, by now, rigor mortis has practically set in. Despite his small student room, crossing it takes you an entire minute, and when you reach his bed, you all but let him flop on the mattress. He doesnât mind. As soon as his body hits the bed, he feels quite snug, curling against his blanket. You start to unbutton his shirt, probably just thinking heâs already fallen asleep and wanting to make him more comfortable, but your fingers freeze when he starts giggling. Shoulders shaking with unbridled laughter, he feels as delighted as a five-year-old who just said a naughty word and made all his drunk relatives laugh at the family dinner.Â
âI know I looked really hot tonight, but can we wait until Iâm sober?â he asks, slurring his words slightly and keeping his eyes shut, despite the shit-eating smirk on his lips. You hit him on the chest but it just makes him laugh more.
âBold of you to assume Iâd still hit when Iâve just had to peel you off your toilet seat.â He lets you finish helping him out of his button-down.Â
âWouldnât you?â he asks. He tries to look at you, but his eyes donât quite open all the way, and they donât focus properly, due to a strong mix of alcohol and inappropriate thoughts. Of you, specifically. His body feels suddenly very heavy, his want for you weighing him down into the mattress. The room is dark, your face illuminated only by the light in the bathroom and the glow of the street lights outside. You always look pretty, but your beauty is especially breath-taking right now, Sunghoon thinks. He wants to reach out and touch your face, wants to trace your jawline and know what your skin would feel like against his fingers. He doesnât realize heâs actually doing it until he hears you inhale shakily.
The expression in your eyes is unreadable, and quickly gone, replaced by an annoyed squint. You grab his wrist gently, setting it back down next to him. âIâm gonna make you some ramen. You need to sober up, and you havenât had dinner, have you?â
Sunghoon shakes his head. He feels rejected, and it makes him inordinately sad.
For five minutes, he watches as you rummage around his cupboards for a pack of ramen, fill a pot with water and bring it to a boil. His thoughts float back to your day at the beach, memories that heâs preciously held onto for the past few weeks. You running around on the sand, opening yourself up to him and letting him open himself up to you, holding his hand on the bus. That day, heâd really thought it would be the beginning of something new; but as time passed, he became less and less sure of himself. Heâs scared it mightâve just been a fluke, and that heâd have to destroy the castle heâd built in his head. Heâs seen you almost every day since, but itâs never been the same. And even if your eyes met unexpectedly sometimes, or if you went out of your way to sit next to him during movie nights, he canât let himself go on with so few signs. Jay was rightâhe had to be clear about his feelings, otherwise this would go on forever. Even if it didnât feel like it, the Earth would continue spinning on its axis if you didnât reciprocate.
âIâve missed you.â
You pause in your movements. âMissed me? But weâve seen each other every day,â you say after a few seconds, still facing away from him. Your voice is softer than heâs heard it before, almost unsure of itself.
âNo,â Sunghoon whines, frowning. He can barely keep his eyes openâhe wishes you could read his mind so he wouldnât have to explain, but alas. âI miss youâthe you from the beach. When it was just me and you. Itâs not the same with the others around.â
Silence falls over the room again. Sunghoon wonders if youâre just going to ignore what he said, until you take a deep breath, and walk back to his bed. You crouch in front of him and take both of his hands in yours. Electricity flows from where your hands touch to the rest of his body. He suddenly feels a lot more awake.
âItâs just the two of us now,â you whisper.Â
Sunghoon nods. âI know. Itâs nice.â
You smile. It might be the alcohol playing tricks on him, but Sunghoon swears thereâs a hint of sadness in your eyes. One of your hands comes up to his hair. You thread your fingers gently through it, pushing it away from his forehead, then bring your hand down to the side of his face, your palm cupping it tenderly. Sunghoon lets himself lean into your warm touch. With his eyes closed, the darkness surrounding him makes this feel like a dreamâhe basks in the moment so as not to let a second of it go to waste.
âDo you wanna do something just us two this week?â you ask softly. His eyes shoot openâhe needs to be sure this is really happening. He nods again, fervently this time, and it makes you chuckle. âOkay.â
âJust us two?âÂ
âJust us two.â
He relaxes once more. He guides your hand towards his mouth and presses his lips against your palm. Something shifts in your eyesâSunghoon thinks the opportunity to finally kiss you has arisen, but as soon as his gaze drops to your lips, youâre back on your feet. âLetâs eat some ramen, shall we?â you ask as you head back towards the kitchen. Sunghoon tries his best (and probably fails) to not let his disappointment show.
Thereâs no dining table to speak of, only a low table near Sunghoonâs bed, on which you set down a wooden board and the steaming pot of spicy noodles. You hand him a pair of chopsticks and a spoon, and tell him to eat. Neither of you say much for a while, and Sunghoon grows redder and redder under your watchful gaze. He asks if you want any a few times, but you always turn him down. The silence quickly gets a little too unbearable for him, and heâs got a question burning the tip of his tongue anyway. Nowâs as good a time as ever to ask it.
âSomethingâs been bugging me recently, actuallyâŠâ You wait for him to go on. âSo, at the costume party, right?â You nod. âYou said there was only one person you wanted to kiss⊠Did you mean me?â
You tilt your head, looking at him like youâre trying to figure out whether heâs joking or not. âYeah, Sunghoon⊠I meant you. Who else?â
Heâs only half-relieved. âSo why wonât you kiss me now?â
To his surprise, you smile. âBecause youâre drunk.â
Confusion fogs Sunghoonâs brain. Is that all youâre worried about? Is his blood alcohol level the only thing stopping you from kissing him? âBut I-Iâm fine. I give you consent to kiss me, Y/N.â Heâs dead serious, so when you laugh, it only frustrates him further.
âFinish your food, Sunghoon. Weâll see about kissing later.â
He sighs. Later he could deal with. âFine. But Iâll hold you to it, okay?â he says, pointing a menacing chopstick at you.
âOkay.â
But Sunghoon canât keep quiet for longâten seconds later, heâs remembered another question heâs been dying to ask. He continues drinking his soup in an attempt to appear nonchalant. âSo what happened between you and Heeseung?â
The question takes you so off-guard, you look like you wouldâve done a spit-take had you been drinking water. âThatâs-you know about that?â
âWell, not much, thatâs why Iâm asking.â
You scoff. âWhy do you want to know? Itâs boring.â
At those words, Sunghoon whips his head up to look at you. âItâs not boring!â he exclaims, perhaps a tad too vigorously. âAnything that has to do with you is interesting to me.â
Finally, the corners of your lips rise. Sunghoon hated the ten seconds in which you werenât smiling. âWell, there isnât much to say, anyway. We had a thing when we were in second year, I caught feelings and wanted more, and he didnât. The end.â
Sunghoon freezes, staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth agape. He then sets his cutlery down neatly next to the pot of ramen and clasps his hands together like heâs in a business meeting. âSo youâre telling me that he had the opportunity to make you his girlfriend and he just⊠didnât?â
You shrug. âBasically, yeah.â
He hits the bedsheets next to him, huffing out in annoyance. âWhat an idiot.â
âHe sure is,â you say. You smile to yourself as you grab Sunghoonâs spoon and try some of the broth. He wonders whether anything lies behind that smile. âBut it happened a while ago. Donât be weird with him on my account. Heâs still your captain.â
Sunghoon thinks for a second. âCan I side-eye him once in a while? Or not pass him the puck during practice?â
âSure,â you reply, laughing. You swiftly move on to other topics as Sunghoon slurps the last of his noodles, asking him about the beginning of the party and just how much his teammates made him drink. Heâs recounting the shot contest they held, which Mark won with an impressive seven shots of tequila in a row â Sunghoon hopes the boy is okay now â when your phones buzz at the same time. Minjeongâs name appears on your screen, Jayâs on his, both asking where you are.
âShould we head back now?â you offer, although Sunghoon, wishfully perhaps, detects a trace of reluctance in your voice. âYou look like youâve sobered up a bit, seeing as youâre able to string more than two sentences together.â
âI wasnât that bad!â
âI shouldâve filmed you.â
Itâs one a.m. when you head back down, and the party is in full swing. Pop music blasts through someoneâs JBL speaker in the shared kitchen, the hallways are more crowded than the subway at rush hour, just as full of hockey fans celebrating their teamâs win as students who just wanted an excuse to party, and every window is open to alleviate some of the stuffiness. They probably have another hour left before the dorm residents who decided not to join in the festivities call campus police on them.
Sunghoon is relieved to find that Jake is off with other team members, reaching levels of drunkenness that will most definitely be regretted in the morning. Technically, he hasnât done anything wrongâhe simply let you nurse him back to sobriety after he almost regurgitated his pre-game protein bar and three beers all over your nice shirt. Chaewon and Yunjin are busy making out in a corner, their lack of decorum only increasing when theyâve been drinking, but Jay and Minjeong eye you suspiciously upon seeing the two of you arrive together. You explain what happened so casually that they donât question it any further.
Chaewon and Yunjin only tear themselves off of each other when a BeyoncĂ© song starts playing, and they drag all four of you to the makeshift dancefloor, which is really just three meters away in the middle of the kitchen. Sunghoon is practically all sobered up by now, but heâs loosened up enough not to feel self-conscious with every step he takes; the fact that you look so happy, dancing with him and laughing at his silly moves, is a considerable bonus. He wonât drink any more, not wanting to risk embarrassing himself further in front of you, and Jay, as the groupâs self-proclaimed health guru, probably had his last beer around nine p.m., but the girls, each of them with a cup of suspicious transparent liquid in hand, are getting drunker by the minuteâand so is Jake, who has now joined you all on the dancefloor, if his inability to stand straight is anything to go by. Sunghoon assumes youâre also done with alcohol for the night, until you turn to him in the middle of a song no one has heard since 2015 and tell him youâre going to get a drink.
âOkay!â he simply answers, and for a good thirty seconds, basks in the blissful satisfaction of knowing he was the one you informed of your whereabouts. That is, until he realizes a minute later that it was probably a covert invitation for him to come along, which he totally missed. But when he looks over at the counter where all the drinks are, his heart dropsâHeeseung is standing in front of you, pouring gin and lemonade into your cup. A flurry of emotions course through Sunghoon, emotions he has no idea what to do with, because heâs not sure theyâre entirely warranted. Heâs angry that Heeseung is talking to you, after what he did, confused that youâd let him; but mostly, heâs jealous. But he knows itâs only because he has no guarantee that you like him, and that you wonât go off with Heeseung, despite having just talked about how you were over him.
Waitâis that really what you said? You told Sunghoon that what happened with Heeseung didnât bother you anymore, which doesnât necessarily mean you wouldnât go back to him, given the chance.Â
Before he can think it over a second time, Sunghoon heads over to where you and Heeseung stand. He places himself right behind you, reaching for a bottle of Coke on your side and pouring himself a drink.
âOh, hey, Hoon,â his team captain says, clearly surprised to see him there and looking so discontented. Sunghoon canât remember whether theyâve ever been close enough for Heeseung to call him by his nickname. âHaving fun?â
âYep,â he curtly replies, avoiding eye contact with either of you and looking out at the crowd of party-goers instead. He can feel your gaze, heavy on his face, can see the knowing smirk slowly rising on your lips. How was it that you could see right through him so easily?
âToo much dancing made you thirsty?â you ask, taking a drink from your cup and hiding your smile behind it.
He glares at you, more annoyed that his attempt at subtly sussing out what you and Heeseung were doing together was shut down so quickly than anything else. âYep,â he repeats.
âYou guys know each other?â the older boy asks, eyes darting between the two of you.
âJake introduced us,â Sunghoon quickly answers. To his surprise, this makes Heeseung chuckle.
âJay, Sunghoon, me⊠Wow, do you meet all your friends through your brother, Y/N?â he asks jokingly. Immediately, so many alarm bells ring in Sunghoonâs headâthe implication that you and Heeseung are friends, the fact that he put himself and Sunghoon in the same bag, and above all, that teasing, almost flirtatious tone of his.Â
Heâs horrified to find you rolling your eyes playfully and saying, âI have other friends, thanks,â in a tone far too similar. At that moment, Minjeong starts yelling about how much she loves everyone in this room but particularly âyou guys,â pointing to Jake, Jay, Minjeong and Chaewon, and âyou guys, too!â screaming over the music as she points to you and Sunghoon.
âThereâs one of them,â you say, half-amused, half-exasperated. âWe should probably go check on her. See you around, Heeseung.â
âRight. See you, Y/N. Sunghoon.âÂ
Back to no-nickname basis, apparently.
Your groupâs indicator of when itâs time to go home is when Minjeong starts one of her âI-love-my-friends-so-muchâ rantsâif sheâs that drunk, everyone else must be wasted. Indeed, Chaewon and Yunjin are holding onto each other to keep themselves from falling down, and Jake is unable to keep his head up. You, Sunghoon and Jay herd your friends outside and wait for Jakeâs Uber, making sure to get him safely inside and to tip the driver generously for his pains. Jay lives nearby yours and the girlsâ flat, and Sunghoon, ever the gentleman, walks you all home.
âJust âcause you and Jay might need a hand getting these three home,â he tells you. Yunjin, Chaewon and Minjeong are currently running around on the road, pointing and laughing at random shop names, and Jay is yelling at them to get back on the sidewalk.
âMh-hm.â
âAnd itâll be good to completely sober up before going to bed.â
âRight.â
Thereâs no use putting up a front with youâheâs an open book and youâre an avid reader. You donât need to say anything to make it clear that you know itâs just an excuse to spend more time with you.
âYou know, I told you not to be weird with Heeseung,â you say, gently punching him in the arm.
âWas I weird?â he asks, knowing fully well he hadnât acted at all like he usually did around his captain.Â
âYou basically only spoke to let Heeseung know weâre friends. You were making yourself all tall and looking mysteriously out into the distance instead of at us.â
âBut I am tall and mysterious,â he says, pride coursing through him as it always does when you laugh at one of his jokes.
âYouâre probably the least mysterious person I know, Hoon.â
Hoon. How much sweeter that name sounds coming from you over anyone else.
âSo you agree that Iâm tall?â
You roll your eyes, but thereâs a grin on your face. A win is a win. âThatâs just a fact.â
Sunghoon smiles victoriously. âIâll take a fact. But Iâm sorry if I was acting weird⊠I just wanted to make sure he wasnât bothering you.â
âHeeseung is always bothering me,â you say with a sigh. âHe comes up to me like this at every party. Heâs just asking how Iâve been, but itâs like heâs sussing out whether or not heâs still got a chance.â
âDo you need me to beat him up? Threaten him? Dox him?â
Even though Sunghoon was only half-joking, you burst out laughing, hard enough for Minjeong to whip around and shout, âWhat are you laughing about?â as if you had offended her personally. At least Jay is there to make her turn around and focus on walking straight.
âI appreciate the offer, but that wonât be needed. I just donât like talking about it, âcause itâs really not that big a deal anymore. It feels like digging up old bones, you know?â
Sunghoon shrugs. âIâd commit grave robbery with you.â
âYou-what?â
âNevermind. We obviously donât have to talk about it, but Iâm curious.â
You sigh. âI guess itâd make sense for you to know about this.â Sunghoon thinks he sees something like panic flash across your features, but itâs so quick and such a rare expression on you that heâs not sure whether he just imagined it. âYou know-just âcause everyone else is aware of it, and everything,â you quickly explain.
âSure.â
âI just⊠Iâm sure Heeseung is a nice guy when it comes to other things, but what the girls and I have concluded is that heâs a bit of an attention whore, you know. When it comes to girls. We fooled around for a while, and he never made it official, even when I made it pretty clear that that was what I wanted. But every time we saw each other after that, heâd flirt with me like nothing had happened. I fell for it at first and flirted back, thinking he had changed his mind⊠but he really just wanted to make sure I was still into him.â
âLooking for validation,â Sunghoon says.
âExactly. And when I realized that, I stopped giving it to him. I was getting tired of him anyway, saying the same thing every time. But now, I entertain him for a couple of minutes before I walk away. I shut him down before he gets a chance to do it to me.â
âThatâs smart.â
âI know,â you say, smiling. âI understand the need for validation, but he wonât be getting any from me.â
Jay bravely handles the three drunkards the whole way home, letting you and Sunghoon hang behind and carry on talking. You reach the boyâs apartment first, and yours five minutes later. But when you reach your front door, Minjeong announces she needs to talk to Sunghoon. âPrivately,â she emphasizes.
You give Sunghoon an amused look and shrug as if to say âSheâs your problem now.â He doesnât have time to protest before youâve bid him goodnight and disappeared behind the door, Yunjin and Chaewon in tow, yelling good night at Sunghoon like theyâre not going to see him for months.Â
Minjeong places her palms flat onto Sunghoonâs torso and looks right at himâto the best of her ability, at least, considering sheâs having a hard time focusing her eyes. âSunghoon,â she says gravely.
âMinjeong?â
âListen, thereâs something Iâve been wanting to tell you,â she says, slurring her words. âYou know I love Y/N, sheâs amazingâŠâ
âYeah, she is,â Sunghoon says firmlyâalready, he can tell where this is going, and he doesnât like it.
âBut sheâs not the best with relationships.â
âWhat do you mean?â
Minjeongâs hands drop by her sides and she exhales deeply. âIâve just never seen her in a committed relationship in the-in the almost four years Iâve known her. She never lets things get serious. Sheâs just so afraid of being hurt, Hoon, and I-âÂ
A hiccup escapes Minjeongâs lips as tears start pooling in her eyes. Sunghoon has only ever seen Minjeong cry when drunkâeven movies that had him sobbing barely made her eyes water. Even if she isnât in her right state of mind, he knows it means this must be important to her. He holds her arms and tries to put on the most reassuring tone he can. âBut I wouldnât hurt her.â
âNo, I know that. Iâm scared youâd get hurt. I donât want things to become weird between all of us.â
Sunghoon shakes his head. âMinjeong, what-that wouldnât happen.â
âBut it will!â she exclaimed. âIf something happens with you and her, and it doesnât work out the way you want it to, itâll make things awkward-â
âIf that happens,â he interrupts, âIâll deal with it. I wonât make it your guysâ problem. Y/N and I are adults, okay?â
âYouâre like, nineteenâŠâ
âYeah, whatever. Donât worry about it, okay? Itâll be fine.â He takes a step back and opens the door for her to get in.Â
Sheâs only on the first stair when she turns back around. âBut, Hoon-â she tries, though he cuts her off.
âMinjeong, I promise-â
âJust donât rush into anything, okay?â
âOkay.â
âAnd donât say I didnât warn you.â
âGo inside.âÂ
She complies, giving him one last look before climbing the stairs to her apartment. Sunghoon closes the door behind her, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.
--
Sunghoon is on his way home from hockey practice when his phone buzzes with a text from you.
yn are you still up for doing something this week?
He almost throws his phone in the air in celebration, as if it was a graduation cap. His Sunday was spent going back-and-forth between lapidating himself for his drunken stupidity, memories, rough as stones, hitting him in the face every time he thought of what he said and how he acted, and congratulating himself for having finally made his feelings for you somewhat clearer. Hopefully, you now know he isnât just awkward and silent around new peopleâwell, he is, but itâs worse with you.
She never lets things get serious.
Minjeongâs warnings echo in his head as he types a positive â although not over-enthusiastic, âcause thatâd be uncool â answer, but he dismisses them easily. Perhaps he shouldnât; Sunghoon is, after all, incredibly serious about any and all romantic encounters. The girl at the grocery store who reached for the same red bell pepper as him was the most serious thing to him in the world for a good ten minutes; all of his school crushes were of utmost importance to him, however long they had lasted.
So this? This is capital-s Serious. But therein lies the problem; heâs so serious about you that heâd let you not make it serious. If Minjeong is right, and youâre not planning on taking this nearly as far as he wishes for it to go, he can already tell heâll just let you. Heâll probably be happy you wanted anything to do with him at all.Â
He has ways of reassuring himself, of convincing himself he isnât a totally lost cause. Because when Sunghoon falls in love â and he had an inkling this was what this was â it usually goes as quickly as it came. Whoâs to say this time next week he wonât have completely moved on? Maybe this date that heâs agreed to will go horribly wrong, youâll be rude to the waiter, youâll spill tomato sauce all over your shirt, and the flame in his heart will be put out. Easy as that.
You decide to meet on Wednesday evening, two days from now. Sunghoon suggests a Japanese restaurant he likes, a place he had gone to with his mom and sister when they had dropped him off at university before his first year, and that he knows is nice enough for a date but wonât burn a hole through his wallet.
Seeing you at the library the day before is a real thrill. Nobody but you knows of your plansâat least not until he caves in and tells Jay about it, who congratulates him with a roll of his eyes and a pat on the head. All of your eye contact feels loaded with the kind of complicity that comes with sharing a secret. As much as he would love boasting about it to every soul whoâd listen, this secrecy electrifies himâit binds the two of you with something much more real than before. At least, more real than Sunghoonâs imagination and one-sided feelings. He knows that your text wasnât in any way a confession of your own feelings for him, but itâs a step in the right direction.
In the few hours before your reservation at seven p.m., Sunghoon spends so much time thinking about the date that heâs almost late for it. He thinks about his expectations, then tries to get rid of them; he comes up with ideas of what your expectations might be, remembers Minjeongâs words, dismisses them, remembers them again; he goes through scenarios upon scenarios of everything that might go wrong and everything that might go spectacularly well. He ends up with less than twenty minutes to get ready, but manages to arrive at the restaurant a minute before you.
When he sees you approaching, Sunghoon feels like one of those boys in Disney movies as they watch their girlfriend coming down the stairs in her prom dress. Youâre not wearing an over-the-top poofy purple dress, but the effect is the sameâhis eyes are glued on you with every step you take towards him.
You grab him by the arm and lead him into the restaurant as soon as you reach him. Heâs too busy taking in your appearance to be bothered by it. âDonât look at me like that,â you chide as you wait for waiting staff to seat you. Heâd actually think you were mad at him if it wasnât for the small smile playing on your lips.
âLike what?â
âLike what youâre doing right now! Youâre staring.â
Realization slowly dawns on him; your gazes have made him lose his composure too many times for him not to know what being flustered looks like. Heâd be lying if the fact that it was you in this tight spot and not him didnât heavily stroke his ego.Â
âWhy wouldnât I? You look beautiful,â he says, dropping his voice to a whisper so that the approaching waitress canât hear. Her presence saves you from responding verbally, but as she brings you to your table, you pinch his arm lightly as if to say Be on your best behaviorâalthough Sunghoon would argue this was his best behavior.
You have trouble making up your mind about the foodâyou want to try everything on the menu. Sunghoon tentatively offers to order a bunch of dishes and share them. âItâs what my family always does at the restaurant, just try as much as you want and take the leftovers to go. We never ate out very often because my mom would spend so much money every time,â he recollects, smiling fondly.
âThat actually sounds like a dream. My parents would never do that. It was always just eat what you got, but Iâm unable to look at someone elseâs food and not want to try it. It honestly should just be common practice to share dishes at the restaurant.â
Sunghoon thinks he could get down on one knee right then and there. Whenever they went out to eat, the boys would roll his eyes at him when he stole bites of their food. But youâyouâre like him. He knows heâs prone to over-exaggeration, but he canât help but feel like if you understand each other on this, you must understand each other at a molecular level.
He had expected a level of awkwardness to your date, at least at the beginning â God knows the moments in which he doesnât feel like a mumbling fool in front of you are few and far between â but to his surprise, everything goes smoothly. There is no uncomfortable silence, all his jokes miraculously land, even the lousy ones, and you both laugh and talk and share sushi and pork cutlets like itâs the most natural thing in the world, which perhaps it is. His attempts at flirting are well-received and he only turns violently red twice when you compliment him and smile at him in a particularly pretty way.
Itâs that day at the beach all over again. Always on the same page, you dip in and out of topics with a synergy he has rarely felt before. Sunghoon realizes it must be the presence of others, rather than you yourself, that makes him feel like he canât act the way he wants to around you, makes him so nervous. Save for the moments where you make his heart flutter like a thousand butterfliesâ wings, he actually feels quite at ease with you, all things considered. Of course, he still tries â and fails â to look cool for you, but he knows it comes from a place within himself rather than because you make him feel as though he has to meet a certain standard. Surprisingly, he can be totally himself, and it seems to be enough for you.
He loves his friends. He wouldnât trade them for the world. But heâs not sure he wonât have moments where heâll wish nothing more than for them all to go away and leave the two of you be.
You eat until you canât anymore and are still left with enough food for another full meal. You only let him get the bill once heâs promised that next time will be on you. If it means thereâll be a next time, heâs more than happy with making that promise. The sun has set when you exit the restaurant. Sunghoon shivers as he steps outside, the temperature having gone down by at least four degrees in the last two hours.
You grab his hand; it warms him right up.
Your apartment is a thirty-minute bus ride away, but Sunghoon offers to walk you home. Anything to spend more time with you.
He spends the first few minutes of the walk worrying about his hand, whether itâs too clammy, whether itâs holding yours right, but he eventually relaxes into the touch. When a particularly chilly gust of wind blows, you drop his hand and hold onto his arm instead, inching closer to him for more warmth. He only drank lemonade with his meal, but he feels blissfully light-headed.
Silence only arrives when you reach your doorstep. You stand in front of each other, Sunghoon looking down at his feet, you gazing out at the empty street. He knows this is the moment where he is supposed to kiss you. If there was a step-by-step guide on how to date â there probably is, but Sunghoon hasnât resorted to such loser-like measures yet â this would probably be the moment where it would be written to just kiss her, you idiot. But nerves get the best of him.
At least, youâre there to save the day. You direct your gaze towards him, a bashful smile playing on your lips. âSo⊠are you gonna kiss me now?â you ask, essentially reading his mind.Â
He reacts immediately. âY-yep. Yes. I am.â Heart racing, he takes a step towards you as he rests his hands on your waist. Then he changes his mind, and brings one hand up to your cheek. Thereâs an eyelash that has fallen below your eye; he brushes it out of the way with his thumb before leaning in and pressing his lips against yours.
In all of his late-night scenarios and daydreams of kissing you, he had never imagined something as good as this. You find your rhythm within seconds. Itâs slow, almost hesitant, yet so tender, it makes Sunghoonâs heart ache. As your lips move against each other in perfect sync, as your hands find their way around Sunghoonâs neck, he realizes he should have known â this will not go away as quickly as it came.
Only when you grab a fistful of his hair, making him react viscerally and wrap his arm around your waist to bring you closer to him, does he remember where the two of you are. He leans back, then almost passes out when you chase his lips and press a shorter but just as sweet kiss there. He commits this view to memoryâthe smile on your lips, the glow on your face, the haziness in your eyes.
âDo you wanna come up?â
âYes,â he replies immediately, and it makes you laugh. You grab his hand and lead him up the stairs and into your apartment.
âAre the girls in?â he asks as you lock the front door.
âMinjeong is at karaoke with her school friends, and Yunjin and Chaewon are at a dinner party somewhere.â
âMinjeong karaokes?â
âGet enough G&Ts in her and sheâll do anything.â
You turn on a small lamp in your room and take off your jacket. Sunghoon has been in your apartment before, but never in your roomâat some point, heâll spend an hour observing every photograph and trinket in detail, asking you about every backstory, but right now, heâs got more important things to tend to. His heart beats uncontrollably as you shut the door to your room and walk towards him, eyes gazing deeply into his. The corners of your lips rise when you tug at the bottom of his sweatshirt, a clear indicator that you want it off. He wastes no time in obliging.
The air is buzzing with electricity when your lips find each other again. Youâre both more confident this time around, and so the kiss is deeper, your touches bolder. Everything happens quicklyâone second, youâre standing in the middle of your room; the next, youâre laying on your bed, Sunghoon underneath you.Â
âYou know,â he says between kisses, âIâd really planned on being a gentleman and not going up to your room after the first dateâŠâ
Your lips move from his lips to his jawline, warm and soft against his skin. Sunghoon closes his eyes and lets out a low hum of approval. âIâm glad you changed your mind,â you whisper, lips brushing against his neck as you speak. âAnd since weâre onto confessions, I can finally say Iâve been wanting to do this since we met.â
This information sends his mind reeling. Not once had he been sure of how you felt about him â he even remembers you saying no to a kiss â and here you are, saying youâve been wanting to kiss him since the beginning, just like he had.Â
âYouâre me,â he replies breathlessly.
âHm?â
âI mean, me too.â
You pause your kisses to giggle, a sound so soft and intimate it has Sunghoon melting impossibly more. âYouâre me?â
Unfortunately, he is too preoccupied by you to put a filter between the weird, half-formed thoughts in his brain and the words that leave his mouth. âDonât question it,â he says, a smile audible in his voice, before moving his head and catching your lips. If he couldnât stop himself from saying odd things, he could at least distract you from them.
Sunghoon thinks heâs doing a good job keeping himself together, until you roll your hips against his. Itâs barely anything, but it sends waves of pleasure and anticipation through his body. His grip on your waist tightens, and when you repeat the motion, his hands sneakily find their way down your back and under your dress. Palms splayed against your ass, he brings you down closer to him. The second you moan into the kiss, heâs a goner.Â
After that, it doesnât take long for clothes to be discarded or for curious fingers to find the otherâs waistbands. Your movements are hasty, messyâthe tension that had built up over weeks of pining for you, after getting close to kissing you twice and thinking about it a hundred times more, it all comes crashing down in this moment, as his teeth sink into the flesh of your neck, as your hands pull at strands of his hair, as your bodies gently bump into each other. If someone asked Sunghoon right now how long heâd known you, heâd say years, not mere weeks. It couldnât possibly be real that this much desire had accumulated inside of him â and inside of you, if your broken moans and rapid breathing are anything to go by â in just over a month.Â
He only slows down when he has you naked and heaving underneath him, reminding himself to savor the moment instead of rushing it. His fingertips graze down your sides until they reach between your thighs, and he marvels at the way his touch makes you shiver. His eyes are so wide with amazement at the sight of you that he probably looks like heâs never seen a woman before, but he canïżœïżœt help himselfâhe always thought you were beautiful, but this is something else entirely.Â
His first touch is hesitant, a slow upward motion of his thumb between your folds as if quite literally testing the waters. But it has you arching your back and gripping his bicep, meeting his eyes to silently plead for more. Sunghoon takes that as his green light, thumb circling your clit as his lips continue their work on your neck, on your face, everywhere they can reach. He slips a finger inside of you, then a second one, and when he is satisfied with the state heâs gotten you in, all disheveled and gasping for air, he replaces his fingers with his dick, rock-hard just from seeing and hearing you.
He slowly inches forward until heâs bottomed out, letting you adjust around him. âAll good?â he whispers, lips moving against the shell of your ear.
âNever better,â you whisper back, smiling. You kiss him, and the tenderness of your lips on his, mixed with the feeling of being inside you, has Sunghoonâs heart constricting inside his chest. He starts rocking his hips back-and-forth into you, the side of his face is pressed up against yours, head light from the little oxygen the two of you share. It all feels oddly intimate for a first time, feels more like the kind of sex two people would have after years of knowing each otherâs bodies. He moves like itâs second nature, thrusts deep and slow, trying to reach those spots that have your hands clawing at his back. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, using his free hand to push the hair that sticks to your face with sweat.
You wrap your legs higher around his hips, the shift in angle letting him go deeper. âFuck, right there,â you say, voice strangled. Sunghoon doesnât need to be told twiceâhe picks up his pace, and already within a minute, starts to feel himself reaching his limit. He tries to muffle his groans against your skin, but with the way your hold on him tightens and your moans go higher in pitch, you seem to be just as close as he is. When you do come undone around him, breath hitching in your throat before you release a heavy sigh, he has mere seconds left in him. A few thrusts later, his orgasm finally releases him from the tension that had been twisting his stomach into a knot for the past half-hour. Youâre both spent, but he continues lazily rocking his hips against yours chasing the last remnants of pleasure, wanting to bask in it just a bit longer. He rolls onto his back after sliding out, wrapping his arms around you. You bury your face in the crook of his neck.
His chest rises and falls as his breathing takes its time returning to normal. In a way, heâs almost relieved itâs over, like any longer wouldâve actually taken too much of a toll on him. He likes the comfort he gets from having you in his arms as much as the sex itself. âI didnât know it could feel this good,â he says, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can stop them. He needs more than a few minutes to get his head back on straight and start thinking before he speaks again. You chuckle airily, he chuckles too, and within seconds, youâre both laughing for seemingly no reason. The bliss of such an intense orgasm and the lack of oxygen must have gone to your brain, too.
âMe either,â you say once the laughter dies down. When your lips find his once more, Sunghoon forgets entirely about his exhaustion and feels like he could go for a second round. âShower?â you ask right when he realizes how sticky and smelly he is.
âYes, please.â
He canât keep his hands off of you in the shower, rubbing soap on every square inch of your skin when you could do it perfectly fine yourself, kissing you even when youâve both got foaming cleanser on your faces. The taste of soap in his mouth is worth the giggles he gets out of you.
Sunghoon reaches heaven when you drop to your knees in front of him, water rushing down his back as you take him in your mouth. Heâs eager to return the favor, of course, thumb flicking your clit with a speed and dexterity even he didnât know he was capable of. If you werenât already in the shower, youâd have needed another one.
As soon as your bodies hit the mattress, you both drift off to sleep, limbs wrapping around each other as though they had been separated for too long and finally found each other againânot to let go again.
--
When Sunghoon wakes up, it takes him a few seconds to realize that he hadnât dreamt up last nightâs events. He reaches a hand out hesitantly, still half-asleep and scared that youâll disappear into thin air at the touch of his fingertips. But noâhe feels your skin, warm and soft, and he knows this is real.
Youâre laying on your side, facing away from him, so he has to strain his neck to peek at your face. You look so peaceful as you sleepâhe doesnât want to wake you up, but he canât stop himself from wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing his torso against your back, humming contentedly to himself. He presses a soft, quiet kiss to the top of your head, just because he can.
Outside, clouds part, and a bright ray of sun shines through the window, landing right on your face. Sunghoon watches as you grumble and turn around, burying your face in his chest to avoid the blinding light, but the damage is doneâyouâre awake. He can tell from the drawled-out whine you let out and the way you grab tightly onto his waist, as if it was his fault the sun had decided to shine right on you.Â
He lets you settle in a comfortable position. Stays still as you hike your leg over his legs, then slip it between them instead; as you press your cheek against his chest, then bury your nose in his neck; as you wrap your arm around his waist, then move it to thread your fingers through his hair, until you give up on falling back asleep altogether. âItâs so bright in here,â you mumble in lieu of a good-morning greeting.
You canât see him, so Sunghoon smiles and tightens his grip around youâone arm circling your shoulders, the other, your waist. Skin to skin. âWe forgot to close the blinds yesterday.â
âItâs okay,â you say, sighing. You press a kiss to the base of his neck, right between his collarbones, then lift your face to look at him. âHow are you feeling?â
This is what it feels like to wake up next to her, Sunghoon thinks. Heâd thought about it so many times: what you would look like first thing in the morning, what youâd say to him, what itâd feel like when your eyes met. If youâd be a slow sort of morning person, cuddling in bed with him until the very last possible second, or if youâd be up and about as soon as you woke up. If youâd be grumpy. If youâd want coffee. If you liked morning sex.Â
It seems to be a recurring theme that Sunghoonâs imagination never quite lives up to reality. Your sleepy eyes boring into his, struggling to stay open, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck; your skin, so warm and so soft, your scent, so intoxicating he can barely think straight.
Youâre better than a dream.
âI feel great. Do you feel great?â
âI feel amazing, thank you so much for asking,â you say, burrowing yourself impossibly closer to him.
The two of you stay like this for a while, talking about your plans for the day and begrudging how little you want to go about them. Sunghoon wishes this could go on forever, but then his stomach growls so loudly, his face turns red from embarrassment. He hadnât even noticed how hungry he was.Â
âYouâre me,â you say, laughing, and Sunghoon canât help but join in. âIs it crazy to have last nightâs leftovers for breakfast?â
What Sunghoon hears is that you want him to stay; that you donât want to part ways just yet.
âIf by crazy you mean the best idea ever, then yes.â
âAmazing, because Iâve been thinking about that curry all night.â
âReally? I was thinking about something else,â he says, burrowing his face in your neck and leaving warm kisses there.Â
You hum and lean into his touches, leaning into his touches. Chills run down his spine as your nails graze his sides. âThere mightâve been other things occupying my mind, too.â
And just like that, breakfast is postponed to thirty minutes later.
--
After that night, Sunghoon forgets how to act right.
His mind has never been so singularly taken up by sex in all of his life. It was already preoccupied with you most of the time, but now that it has more material to gnaw on, itâs practically started to eat away at him. It doesnât help that youâve seen each other every day since, or that at every chance you get, you smile knowingly at him or try to get him to play footsies with you. Of course, he loves every bit of attention that he gets from you, but whenever he feels his heart get carried away, Minjeongâs words come back to him in a panic, and he remembers that he has no idea what it is thatâs happening between you and him. You could be stringing him along, for all he knows, or you could be as into him as he is into you and just letting things happen. Unfortunately, just letting things happen was not something Sunghoon was good atâif things werenât written black and white, heâd find a way to overthink even the littlest of details. Like how youâd kissed him for a good five minutes before letting him leave your apartment, otherwise known as the least platonic parting to exist, or conversely, like how youâd sometimes take hours to reply to texts.
If he was already a mumbling fool in front of you before, his condition has only worsened now. He tries his best to be normal and not make you or anyone in the group feel weird, but the fact is that you rocked his world and now he canât look you in the eyes and not remember how it felt when you touched him or the sounds you made or the way you looked. Itâs all playing in a loop in his mind and the only way he knows how to control it is by limiting his interactions with you, which doesnât even work that well.Â
The first couple days, you seem amused by his shyer-than-usual demeanor, but you quickly grow confused more than anything. Sunghoon wonât sit next to you, only speaks to you when necessary, doesnât seek you out outside of a group setting. He tells himself he just needs some more time to be able to be around you casually again, but before that happens, one day at the library, you make a point to ask him if heâll come help you get drinks for everyone from the dispenser machine. He knows itâd be too odd to say no, so he follows you.
He presses the buttons for everyoneâs order (a Sprite for him, Diet Cokes for the girls, a Red Bull for Jake who has a midterm tomorrow and nothing for Jay who only swears by his disgusting herbal infusion) as you lean against the machine, arms crossed over your chest as you stare at him.
He has never felt so awkward in his life.
âSoâŠâ he starts although he has no idea what to sayâhe hopes something will just appear in his mind and that itâll alleviate the tension. However, you seem to have other plans.
âWhat the hell, Sunghoon?â you say, taking him aback. When he glances at you, you donât seem angryâjust genuinely confused. âYouâve been avoiding me like the plague.â
âI havenât!â
âSunghoon,â you say sternly. He gives in right away.
âOkay, Iâm sorry. I just-I didnât know what to do. After we, you knowâŠâ
âAfter we had sex?â you say, then burst into laughter when he looks around the room to make sure no oneâs heard. His cheeks heat up.
âYes, after we had sex,â he whispers.
He pays for the drinks and picks them up. When he looks at you again, your smile has completely died down, and worry has settled into your features. âDo you regret it?â you ask, voice now as low as his. As if it hurts to say the words too loud.
Panic overcomes him, and he almost drops half of the drinks as he shakes his head. âNo, of course not! Iâm really sorry, Y/N, I never meant to be weird about it, I was just trying to wrap my head around everything, and I just⊠Well, I just didnât know what to do. Iâm sorry.â
You nod, taking his words in. âThatâs fine. I get it. I just wanted to say, you know, it doesnât have to change anything. We can still be friends and all. Like you said, it shouldnât make things weird.â
Sunghoonâs stomach drops. He knows youâre trying to make him feel better, but youâve inadvertently said the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear. He doesnât want things to stay the same, or for you to stay friends. For him, things canât go back to normal after that night â whatever normal means for the two of you â and he was foolishly hoping that you felt the same.
But clearly, you want to let the whole thing die and pretend like it never happened. And whether itâs a good thing or not, his feelings for you have grown so much, heâll just let you lead him anywhere. Even if that turns out to be nowhere.Â
So he conjures up the most convincing smile he can, hands you half of the drinks to carry, and says, âYeah, sounds good.â
--
After that conversation, Sunghoon doesnât think anything else will happen between the two of you. You had sex, you talked it out, and thatâs the end of it. But then, it turns out that both of your last midterms are at the same time, in the same building, so you invite him to celebrate with pork belly and some drinks. Sunghoon is finishing his second beer when he starts to feel like heâs on that date again, laughing for no reason, butterflies in his stomach every time his gaze catches yours. You lean on your hand as you listen to him talk about a stupid memory from his childhood and he thinks heâs never seen anyone as pretty as you.Â
The sun has long set when you say, âYou know, itâs Wednesday today.â
Heâs not sure what youâre trying to get at. âYeah?â
âMinjeongâs out at karaoke tonight.â
With these simple words, all the images of you that Sunghoon had finally managed to banish from his mind come flooding back, and he is not even surprised to find himself half-naked in your bed thirty minutes later. So much for staying friendsâone time is one thing, but Sunghoon knows heâll never be normal again after a second time with you.
Itâs not a long time before he finds himself in your room again. Every item of clothing between the two of you is gradually discarded while you kiss, lips growing more impatient with every inch of bare skin uncovered. He reluctantly lets you go when you suddenly giggle and say that you really need to pee, watching as you grab his t-shirt off the floor and put it on, just in case Minjeong comes home. You wear it like itâs yours, like itâs the most natural thing in the world that youâd be wearing his clothes. An indescribable feeling washes over Sunghoon at the sight, so intense he feels tears welling behind his eyes. Like something heâs been yearning for is finally at the grasp of his fingers; like it might slip away at any moment.Â
His feelings mustâve transpired in the way he was looking at youâwhen you meet his eyes, your expression shifts slightly, and you quickly slip out of your room. He tells himself to reel it in. Get it together, he thinks. Or youâll drive her away.Â
A wave of tiredness hits him in the minute that youâre gone, probably due to all that soju and beer. âIâm back,â you whisper, but he doesnât move, only opens his arms wide for you to get back into bed with him. Itâs like a weight is lifted off his heart when he feels you against him again. Youâre back. Your face is fresh, as if youâd splashed it with cold water, but when he slips one of his hands underneath your (his) t-shirt, your skin is still just as warm as before. Far from the fuzzy, tingly feeling he had gotten when youâd woken up together the other morning, now, he feels his desire for you deep in the pit of his stomach. The kind of hunger food couldnât satisfy. âI missed you,â he whispers, voice low and gravelly. He reacts immediately when you squirm against him, tightening his grip around your waist and pulling you to him.
âI was gone two minutes.â
âI mean these past few days. I was starting to think Iâd dreamt you up.â His hand on your lower back sneaks its way up between your bodies until it finds your breasts, cupping one of them with his palm before taking your nipple between his thumb and index, gently twisting. It pulls a half-gasp, half-moan from your throat, and the sound goes straight to his dick. âBut youâre real, arenât you?âÂ
âVery real,â you reply, a tremor in your voice. Heâs barely touching you, and youâre already having trouble breathing. Sunghoon smiles at the idea of him having as much of a hold on you as you do on him.
âGood,â he says, voice so low itâs almost a growl. In one quick sweep, he pushes you down so your back is against the mattress, resting his palms on each side of your head.
Heâs inside you within mere minutes. Heâd wanted to hold back a bit, but you whispering Just put it in after thirty seconds of his fingers loosening you up was enough to convince him. His mind is already fuzzy with remnants of alcohol, and his overwhelming desire for you only makes matters worse. He barely has any control over his movements, rushed and sloppy, but as he drives himself deeper into you, your moans increase in volume. He only later realizes how tight his grip on your hips is when he sees two small bruises forming on the skin there.Â
He comes quickly, probably embarrassingly so, but he canât bring himself to careâheâs got other things on his mind. Heâs not even bothered to discard the condom as he makes his way down your body, lips around your clit before youâve even had the time to register what was happening. You cry out, a sound that Sunghoon works to pry out of you over and over again. Even when your thighs start shaking and you squirm away from him, he doesnât relent. Heâs just as desperate to make you feel good as he was desperate chasing his own pleasure earlier. He hooks his arms around your thighs, bringing you down to him and ensuring that you canât get away. One hand still in his hair, the other clutching the bed sheets, youâve turned your face sideways into the pillow so that your moans come out muffled. He is only satisfied when youâve reached your second orgasm.Â
As your breath slowly returns to normal, Sunghoon makes his way back up your body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. You clear your throat of its dryness and burst into soft, quiet laughter. âWhatâs funny?â Sunghoon murmurs, lips against your neck.Â
âNothing,â you say, still laughing. âThat was just really, really nice.â
Sunghoon smiles. âIâm glad,â he says before kissing you, lips moving slowly against yours.
As he lays against you, the top of his head under your chin and your fingernails grazing along his back, a weird feeling overcomes him. Sunghoon is usually a pine-from-afar sort of guy, with at least five instances of hanging out that could or could not be a date before making things any sort of official. The pining has been a constant with all of his crushes. Heâs gotten to the hanging out stage a couple of times, but the officialising has only happened once. Despite its low success rate, itâs a cycle Sunghoon feels comfortable with, and heâd imagined the rest of his romantic encounters would follow that pattern.Â
But this is completely different. Of the three times you guys have met separately from your friend group, already two times have included sex. This isnât a stage Sunghoon usually reaches before at least a few months and it disorientates him. What does it mean? That you like him so much, you decided to skip all of the steps and jump straight into the thick of it? He is reasonable enough not to delude himself into such a thought. He likes you a lotâthat much he can be sure of. Heâs liked you since the moment he laid eyes on you, even if the reason eludes him. Something in the way you smiled at him, the way you took him in stride as if youâd known him forever. When he thinks back to that party, he canât believe it started out as the two of you being strangers. Even now, feeling your warm skin against his, it feels like a lie that just two months ago he hadnât even met you.Â
What he canât say with total certainty is that you like him the same amount. Or that you like him any amount, really, although in his naivety he doesnât understand how anyone could be this intimate with another person without liking them at least a little bit. And he doesnât just mean the sex. He means this. The silently laying in each otherâs arms, the soft kisses, the caresses wherever hands can reach. Eating post-sex snacks together, laughing as you watch the first episode of each otherâs favorite sitcoms (Brooklyn Nine-Nine for him, Pen15, oddly enough, for you). Falling asleep together, cuddling the entire night then waking up and diving right back into each otherâs embrace.Â
After an entire day spent in rumination, Sunghoonâs still not sure what to make of it all.
All he knows is that when he DMs you that night, asking you how your day went, he goes through every emotion between anxiety, self-hatred and indifference in the five minutes that separate his text from your reply. Heâs never been so happy to hear that someone couldnât concentrate in class because of him.
--
Sunghoon has always been obsessed with the way couples stand together in public.Â
Every time, it takes everything in him not to stare, because he wants to take in every little thing they do. He has that practically everywhere he goes, wanting to stare at people just to see what their deal is, but he is never quite as simultaneously fascinated and envious as when he spots a couple. But he knows staring isnât the socially appropriate thing to do, so he either steals glances or watches for a little bit then pretends they arenât there. He canât help himselfâeven if they arenât holding hands or obnoxiously making out in public, itâs still visible to anyone with eyes that there is something tying these people together. Itâs in the way they stand near each other, their bodies turned inwardly, as though enveloped by a bubble containing just the two of them and no one else; in the way they look at each other, their eyes never straying from the otherâs face as they talk, intimacy showing itself even in a loud, crowded room. Sunghoon craves to find that proximity, to be able to touch and be touched so softly, every graze of a hand purposeful and unconscious at the same time.
Itâs the first of November already. The Weather app, as it tends to do, has deceived you; so instead of a walk on what was supposed to be a sunny day, you find yourselves in a busy cafĂ© near the University, the air outside too chilly even with your scarves and gloves. Youâre waiting for your order at the end of the counter â a mocha for him, an oat flat white for you â when he notices it. Your body is fully facing him, youâre distractedly playing with the hem of his sweatshirt, and youâre not looking at anything but him as you rant about that annoying classmate of yours that goes by a self-made nickname and always talks over the tutor. In this light, the two of you are like the couples heâs always longed to beâthe simple thought makes him want to cry. As more and more often is the case these days, you have no idea what youâre doing to him.
Itâs been around two months since you first met and in that time, although Sunghoon is lucky not to have enough fingers to count the number of times you have seen each other one-on-one, not much has happened. Minjeong, who had understood what was going on the first time she saw the two of you eating leftovers from the Japanese restaurant on the couch at 10 a.m., has grown accustomed to his presence in the apartment and even sometimes sits down to watch a movie with the two of youâa movie that Chaewon would usually have forced you to watch in the living room instead of the privacy of your bedroom, so that everyone could join. Sunghoon is just glad Minjeong has stopped silently scolding him with her eyes every time he comes out of your room. She never mentions that night when she essentially warned him against you after the party.Â
Jake seems to be the only oblivious one in your group. Yunjin and Chaewon have eyes like hawks and horrifyingly vivid imaginations when they put their heads together, so they were probably already making plans for your wedding and fighting for the title of godmother when you and Sunghoon met at the beginning-of-semester party. They cornered him once at a party and forced him to spill the beans and spare no detail, because you apparently were âdenying everything, but we know thereâs something going on.â Jay is still Sunghoonâs go-to person when he needs advice concerning you, although the older boy doesnât understand why it has to be so complicated and always tells him to âjust tell her how you feel,â which Sunghoon will not do unless there is a gun to his head. But Jake just seems happy to see his friend and his sister get along this wellâno matter how many times you wear his jacket at their games or disappear at the same time at the end of parties, he doesnât grow suspicious. If he does, he doesnât mention it to Sunghoon, at least.
Between the two of you, not a word is spoken about the nature of your relationship, which remains unbearingly undefined. For a while, he weakly convinces himself that he doesnât need to have that conversation with you. Heâs young, heâs free, he should be able to enjoy casual sex without putting a label on it. The main problem, though, was that the sex could not be further from casual, at the very least not to Sunghoon.
He has never known anything quite like it. In mere weeks, youâve both mastered the art of pleasuring each other. He understands your body like itâs his, knows what each of the sounds and expressions you make means. He knows where to touch you to have a kiss go from light-hearted to dizzyingly intense, how to move his mouth to have you arching your back and holding onto him for dear life. And youâhe thinks your skin must be laced with cocaine, the way he can never get enough of it.Â
But itâs always the moments afterwards that get him in his head. To him, casual sex means getting dressed the minute itâs over and going off to do other things, which is the absolute opposite of what you do. Whether itâs falling asleep together or spending Sundays in bed, you always stay together afterwards, curled up in each otherâs arms as you talk away the hours, conversations interspersed with slow, lazy kisses. Heâll say things like, âYouâre so pretty,â or âWhy do you smell so good?â because heâs so smitten with you that he can never stop himself from uttering every compliment that flashes through his brain, but the things he really wants to say are harder to speak out loud. Even just a What are we?âthree simple words that he canât bring himself to ask, too scared itâll ruin everything.Â
Arguably worse is that sex isnât even a requirement for when you and Sunghoon see each other. He goes on walks with you whenever youâve spent too much time in the library and need some fresh air. You go shopping with him when his department throws a fundraiser and he needs a formal outfit. He cooks you your favorite meal when your period is particularly nasty. You sneak into the ice rink after his practice and let him âteachâ you how to skate, even though you already learned how with Jake when you were kids. Even mundane moments become fun when spent with you, and you share so many hobbies and interests that you never run out of things to do or talk about.
And yet, it feels like one step forward, two steps back with youâif you let him close one night, youâll run away the next. A week will pass without you seeing each other outside of the library or group hang-outs, and if Sunghoon asks you out, youâll say no, usually blaming the amount of work you have. He gets itâdue to the nature of your degree and your being a fourth-year student, your workload is much heavier than his, with essays, translations and oral presentations due every other week. And thatâs not even including midterms and finals. But still, he doesnât see why you would need to stay at the library for ten hours straight for days on end. Heâd start worrying about your health if you didnât at least relax on weekends.Â
So while Sunghoon wants nothing more than to go all in with you, he senses you holding back. He notices you avoiding eye contact during particularly intimate moments, and when you look at him perhaps too fondly for your liking, you quickly catch yourself and resume your neutral, sometimes almost cold expression. When he tries to broach more personal, sensitive topics, you always find a way to change the subject or turn the conversation towards him before you get too deep.Â
As time passes, and especially as exam season nears, he can tell thereâs something that youâre not telling him about. His suspicions are confirmed when you come back from a weekend at your parentsâ house. Heâs also been away for an out-of-town hockey game, and because he hasnât had much time to text you (and because their team won, so he wants to show off a little), heâs particularly looking forward to seeing you again that Monday. Itâs only been three days since youâve last seen each other, but he misses you like crazy.Â
But the minute youâre back, you bury yourself in work like never before, often waking up at ungodly hours and staying at the library until midnight. More than once, he stays behind with you, long after the others have gone, reminding you gently every hour that it might be time to go home and get some rest. The moments you actually agree are few and far between, and although he sticks it out at first, sleeping with his head on the table until you tell him youâre ready to go, your stubbornness soon starts frustrating him, and he ends up leaving when he gets too tired. He knows this is important to you, but he doesnât understand why you have to go to these lengthsâyouâd still easily be one of the best students in your class without all this exertion. And despite his many attempts, you wonât tell him whatâs wrong, wonât even admit that something is wrongâyou keep repeating that âitâs just what exam season is like.â
When he asks your friends about it, they seem just as confused as he is. One evening when you have plans to order some food and watch a movie at your apartment, he shows up at the agreed time, but youâre nowhere to be found. Thankfully, the girls are there to let him up and not leave him standing outside in the rain. You donât pick up when he calls you and call him back a minute later, apologizing profusely but still saying that thereâs something you really need to finish first. If it was only a one-time thing, it wouldnât make him as angry as it doesâbut this has been going on for almost two weeks now, and Sunghoon is close to boiling point.Â
The fact that itâs been months since your date at the Japanese restaurant, and the only thing that youâve said about what was happening between you and Sunghoon âdidnât have to change anything.â The fact that youâre essentially each otherâs boyfriend and girlfriend without the label or the reassurance that comes with it. The fact that thereâs something clearly bothering you but that you wonât tell him about it. The fact that this something is effectively coming between the two of you. Sunghoon was originally more worried about you than anythingânow that studying has taken obvious precedence over him in your list of priorities, heâd be lying if he said his ego wasnât wounded. He isnât asking to be the number one most important thing in your life, and he knew before even meeting you that high academic performance meant a lot to you, but he likes to think he deserves at least a little bit of your time and attention.Â
Except, does he really? Itâs not like youâre actually dating.
Thereâs a pang in his heart as he remembers this fact that he should never have forgotten in the first place. It hurtsâand so perhaps, heâs less patient than he ought to be.
âWhatever, Y/N. Donât worry about it, just let me know when you have time for something other than getting As.â
He hangs up and meets your flatmatesâ worried eyes.Â
âShe still at the library?â Chaewon asks, tone delicate as if trying not to scare off a wounded animal. Sunghoon nods, a deep sigh escaping his mouth.Â
âShe always studies a lot,â Minjeong starts, âbut this is something else.â
âHave you guys tried saying something?â
The girls nod. âEven Jake has talked to her, but she wonât listen. And he usually always gets to her,â Minjeong says.Â
He goes home soon afterwards and spends the rest of his evening in rumination, torn between his worry and his anger towards youâemotions which only increase as more days pass, and he sees less and less of you. Your behavior was already concerning while preparing for your exams and final assignments, it gets even worse when exams actually do start. He doesnât hear from you for an entire week, and the one time you miraculously agree to a short group hang-out in the form of getting coffee, youâre only half there, physically present but mind far, far away. You barely react when the guys tell you about their victory at the latest hockey gameâwhich you didnât attend, as well as any other game recently.Â
No matter how much he tries to put it out of his mind, to focus on his own exams and hockey games, you stay at the forefront of his thoughts. The hockey team is away for another out-of-town game when he decides to broach the subject with Jake, with whom heâs sharing a room. The entire semester, heâs been careful not to raise Jakeâs suspicions about the two of you, both out of consideration for you, whoâd mentioned you didnât want your brother to know what was going on, and for himself, who would also rather Jake not know, at least not until your relationship became official. Which it never did. But now that all he gets from you is radio silence at a time when youâd usually be an hour into a FaceTime call, he canât help himself.
Jake is just coming out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel, when Sunghoon takes his shot in the dark. âHave you heard from Y/N recently?â he asks as nonchalantly as he can, pretending to not be avidly waiting for his friendâs reaction by keeping his eyes on his phone.
âY/N?â Jake echoes. âNo, not really. Why?â
âJust âcause I havenât seen her around much. Iâm wondering if everythingâs okay.â
âYou mean her staying at the library all day?â Sunghoon nods; Jake sighs. âYeah, sheâll snap out of it soon enough. She gets somewhat like this every time exams come around, but even I have to admit itâs pretty tough this time around. The last time I saw her like this was way back in high school, and thatâs because our parents were watching right over her shoulder. Itâs been better in university thanks to the distance.â
âSo this has to do with your parents?â
âOh, one hundred percent. Sheâs always wanted to do well at school, but she only gets this obsessive when our parents are involved.â
âI guess this did start after that weekend when she went homeâŠâ Sunghoon muses absent-mindedly. It couldâve passed off as an off-hand remark, but Jake pauses in his movements and looks at him warily.
âYeah, she did⊠You noticed that, huh?â
Sunghoon pauses. This whole time, he was sure Jake was oblivious to anything happening between you and himâbut he might have underestimated his friend. Like brother, like sister; he can hardly read either of you when he really needs to. Jake might genuinely be surprised that Sunghoon remembered your whereabouts that weekend, or heâs onto him. âI guess I did,â he finally says, going for as noncommittal an answer as he can.
Jake says nothing for a bit, and Sunghoon thinks heâs managed to get through the conversation without raising too much suspicionâuntil a minute later, when Jake speaks again. âDo you⊠like Y/N?â
Sunghoon freezes, snapping his head towards Jake, whoâs lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. His first instinct is to deny, but thereâs no point pretending anymore. Itâs one thing keeping it from Jakeâlying to him about it is something else entirely. Itâs an uncomfortable conversation, but it must be had. âYeah, I do,â Sunghoon replies, guilt clear in his voice, more because heâs only now admitting it to Jake than because of his feelings themselves.
A shaky breath comes out of Jakeâs mouth, as if this was the exact answer he had dreaded. âRight, okay. Since when?â
âSince I met her, basically.â
Jakeâs head whips towards Sunghoon, and their gazes meet awkwardly. âSince that party in September?â he asks, shock written all over his face. Sunghoon nods, and to his surprise, Jake bursts out laughing. âDonât tell me itâs because you accidentally matched costumes?â
Sunghoon looks away, frowning. âThat mightâve helped things along,â he mumbles, embarrassment washing over him as Jakeâs laughter intensifies. At least he was taking it wellâa bit too well, perhaps.
âYouâre so predictable, man,â Jake says when heâs calmed down, wiping a tear from his eye.Â
âHow did you know, anyway?â
âYouâve been pretty obvious with it recently,â Jake replies after a few seconds. âI could tell you were a bit shy around her at first, and when it got better I just thought youâd become friends or something. But when she showed up with your jacket at every game and you never left her side at parties, I assumed something else was going on. Youâve always been staying behind at the library these days, and I know you donât have that much work.â
Sunghoon chuckles. âI guess I havenât been trying hard to hide it lately.â
âYeah, why would you hide it in the first place? You couldâve just told me.â
âI didnât want to make things weird.â
Jake frowns. âIt wouldnât have been weird. If anything, hiding it makes it weirder.â
âI just thought, if one of my friends had a crush on my sister, Iâd probably rather they hid it. Like, I donât need to know about that,â Sunghoon says, and it makes Jake laugh.
âDude, Y/N and I are only a year apart. Do you know how many guys have come up to me asking me for her number or advice on how to ask her out? Itâs been, like, one every few months since middle school. Guys here especially have no shame telling me how hot they find her.â
Sunghoon makes a face. He doesnât disagree, but heâd never go out of his way to tell your brother how exquisite you looked in certain outfits. âThatâs gross.â
âYeah, it is. But youâre my friend, not some greasy rando, so I trust you. If anything, Iâd probably have to tell her to be nice to you, and not the other way around.â
âYeah, you could say that again,â Sunghoon grumbles, then realizes his mistake immediately, eyes widening.
âWhat do you mean?â Jake asks, sounding genuine at first, but when Sunghoon stays quiet for a couple seconds, debating whether he should just lay the truth bare, Jake sits up on the bed and repeats his question, his tone much warier this time around. Sunghoon glances at him then looks away guiltily.
âWell, to be completely honest⊠Weâve sort of been seeing each other, kind of. But itâs complicated.â
Jake flops back down on his mattress with a grunt. âWho else knows?â he asks, rubbing at his eyes with his hands as if suddenly very exhausted.
âEveryoneâŠâ
âEveryone?!â
âWell, Jay, Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewon.â
âSo everyone.â
âBasically, yeah.â
âGreat.â Jake sighs. âSince when?â
âSince October,â Sunghoon mumbles, feeling guiltier than ever. Heâs belatedly realizing that it wouldâve been much easier to have everything out in the open from the get-go, both with you and with Jake; now heâs both stuck in situationship limbo and has to face the consequences of keeping something this important from one of his closest friends. âAre you upset?â Sunghoon asks, feeling a bit like a ten-year-old.
âKinda, yeah, but more at her than at you. Iâve told her not to go after anyone from the hockey team.â
ââCause of Heeseung?â
âYeah. God, that was messy. He gave her mixed signals for so long, I could barely talk to him without thinking of her crying for so long. And now heâs the one who canât quite look me in the eye,â Jake says, shaking his head at the mere thought of his captain.
âWas it that bad? She made it seem like it wasnât that big of a deal.â
Jake raises his eyebrows. âReally? It upset her for a while though,â he says, then turns his head to look at the ceiling again. âI guess thatâs not so surprising of her. She sometimes likes pretending she doesnât have any emotions, even though Iâm pretty sure she has more than most people.â
âHuh.â That would explain some things, Sunghoon muses. Emotions are not a topic that comes up very often with you, and every time heâs gotten an inkling of them, you seem to shut it all down immediately.
âBut you know, Iâm more surprised than anything. About⊠about it all, really. Not just that youâre only telling me now, but that itâs lasted this long. She must really like you.â
âYou think?â Sunghoon says, his face brightening with hope, the words slipping from him before he can stop them once again. He shrinks when Jake laughs at him.
âLook at you. Down bad, huh?â
âShut up.â
âBut yeah, dude. Iâve told you about this. Iâve never seen her in a relationship, ever. Says she doesnât have the time,â Jake says, air-quoting you. âIâve only had the displeasure of seeing her go home with one-night-stands. You know that since she started college, sheâs had a rule that sheâd only see someone three times and that was it?â
âSeriously?â
âYeah, so she wouldnât catch feelings. Iâm telling you, sheâs crazy. So you must be special.â
Sunghoon canât stop the smile from spreading on his lipsâspecial. But it doesnât make him feel that much better, either. âItâs not like weâre actually dating, so Iâm not sure how special I can beâŠâ
Jakeâs head turns to look at Sunghoon again, but the younger boy keeps his eyes trained on the ceiling fan above him. âWhatâs happening between you guys?â
A blush creeps on Sunghoonâs cheeks. âIs this something you really want to talk about?â
âWell, spare me the gruesome details, please,â Jake says, chuckling, âbut yeah, I would like to know whatâs going on with my best friend and my sister.â
âIâm your best friend?â Sunghoon says, grinning as he meets Jakeâs gaze, who rolls his eyes.
âDonât change the subject.â
âFine.â He sighs. âWell, I didnât think it would happen more than once-â
âWhat would happen more than once?â
Sunghoon pauses. âWell, you knowâŠâ Jake gives him a look as if to say, Well, no, I donât know, so Sunghoon is forced to go on: âSleeping together.â
âYou guys slept together?!â Jake exclaims, sitting up on his bed once again.
âYeah, what did you think?â
âI donât know, just that you were going on dates, hanging out one-on-one, or whateverâŠâ
âWell, we were.â
âUgh, whatever,â Jake says, waving his hand in front of his face like swatting a fly away. âSo, not just once, then?â
âNo. And I thought itâd be a one-time thing, âcause a few days afterwards she said something about it not having to change our friendshipâŠâ
âDamn.â
âYeah. But then it did. Happen again, I mean. And itâs been happening frequently since. But weâre not⊠dating dating. We havenât had that conversation.â
Jake frowns. âWhy not?â
Sunghoon releases a shaky breath. Why not, indeed. ââCause she hasnât mentioned it. And Iâm too scared to do it.â
âWhat are you scared of?â
âThe typical stuff. What we have now⊠itâs not what I want, but itâs managed to not disrupt the group, you know. Iâm scared that if I tell her how I feel, itâll make things awkward between the two of us, and between all of us by extension.â
âWell, it might,â Jake says after thinking for a few seconds. âI wish I could tell you with certainty that sheâll like you back, but I honestly canât. As obvious as you were towards her, she was not giving anything away.â Sunghoon chuckles, more out of self-deprecation than anything. This was not the pep talk he had hoped for. âBut, I can tell you that she wonât be the type to make things awkward. You have nothing to risk by telling her, because in the long run, youâll be better off that way. I know you, Sunghoon. Youâll be miserable if you canât be fully yourself with someone.â
Decidedly, Sunghoonâs friends had a way of telling him the exact opposite of the things he wanted to hear while being completely right. He wishes things with you could stay the same â minus the overworking yourself and ignoring him in the process â and that he wouldnât have to do anything that might make them change. But just as Jake said, heâd also reach a point where he couldnât take it anymoreâa point he was already inching closer and closer to with every passing day. He likes you enough to let you not define the relationship, but he likes you too much to let it go on. He likes you too much to not be able to tell you, and show you, and remind you of it every day. He hated having to hold back, and he hated feeling you holding back. He wanted to give you his all and he wanted all of you, too, not just bite-sized portions of you.
âYouâre right,â he finally says. âI havenât been able to talk to her lately, but Iâll have to tell her soon enough. When her exams are over, I guess.â
Jake sighs. âYeah. I donât know if thereâs any getting through to her right now.â
âSheâs blown me off so many times! I donât know what sheâs doing, spending so many hours in that library. Iâd go insane.â
âSheâs a perfectionist,â Jake says, shaking his head. âIâve talked to her about it. When it comes to school, she needs everything to be as flawless as can be. She spends hours re-reading and editing her work. Itâs not good.â
âNot really, no.â
âBut sheâs only got a week left. Iâll try to convince her not to go home for too long, and itâll be better after the holidays. Then weâll make sure thereâs not a repeat of this next exam season.â
He thinks of Christmas break and of not seeing you for two weeks; of next semester and going through all of this with you a second time. The uncertainty, the fooling around behind your friendsâ backs â although that might not be needed now that Jake is in on it too â Sunghoonâs not sure if he can go through it all again. âYeah, we will.â
--
They lose their game the following day. They had an amazing run, either winning or tying every game so far; this loss is not enough to make them drop significantly in the rankings, but itâs enough to demoralize Sunghoon. It couldnât have come at a worse timeâbetween you and this failed game, his self-esteem is taking a real hit.
He dared hope for some comfort from you once he was back, but in vain. He doesnât know why he imagined your attitude mightâve changed overnight, and when he texts you asking to hang out, the same old sorry I canât atm fills his phone screen. And just like that, as strong as his feelings for you have been all this time, so is his resentmentâunwarranted, perhaps, but he thinks he deserves better than this, and heâs both angry at you for not giving him anything and at himself for letting it happen.
Now, heâs the one who spends hours working himself to the bone in the ice rink, whoâs clearly preoccupied with other things when everyone gets together, and who doesnât even show up to the party the whole group goes to when youâre all done with exams. The last game before winter break is in two days, and he doesnât want to waste a day nursing a hangover when he could be practicing.
That night, he thinks everyone is out at some random club downtown, so he does a double-take when itâs past eleven p.m. and you show up at the rink. Heâs skating laps, practicing his speed and his goal-shooting, only noticing you when youâre standing in the middle of the rink. He almost skates right into you.
âY/N?â he asks, not completely sure youâre not just a figment of his imagination. Heâs so exhausted, he wouldnât be surprised if he were dreaming you up.
âJay texted me.â
âOh. Why?â Heâs out of breath, and the words come out blunter than he intends them to.
âBecause itâs almost midnight and youâre still here,â you reply, crossing your arms over your chest. Thereâs a hint of a smile on your lips, but your eyebrows are furrowed in what looks like worry. Itâs the first time Sunghoonâs seeing you concerned over something other than an assignment.Â
He shrugs and resumes his laps, slower this time, forcing you to keep turning on your feet. âIâm practicing. Thereâs a big game coming up.â
âWhich is exactly why you should be resting, like everyone else on your team right now.â
He resists rolling his eyes. âWhy would I rest when I could be getting better?â
âBecause you need rest as much as you need practice. You wonât be any use on the rink if youâre too tired to play properly.â
âAnd I wonât be any use if I canât shoot properly, either.â
âSunghoon, you need a break. Youâre clearly exhausted-Will you stop it?â you suddenly snap. âIâm trying to talk to you, and Iâm getting dizzy.âÂ
Your small outburst only has him growing more agitated, and even though he does stop, itâs more so you can see the annoyance on his face than anything. âYou know, this is a bit rich coming from you, Y/N.â He knows this is not the right time to bring this upâif he has grievances against you, he shouldnât be bringing them up when heâs already frustrated. Heâs well aware of this, but he canât help himself.
You scoff. âExcuse me?â
âYouâre the one who spends twelve hours a day in the library during exams and does not budge even if I tell you you should go home.â
âThatâs different-â
âHow is it any different?â he interrupts, voice rising. âYou donât listen to me when you overwork yourself. I donât see why I should.â
âSo you realize that youâre overworking yourself?â
âOf course I do! But I have to.â
âNo, you donât-â
âY/N, please. I have to win as much as you have to get the top grades. Is it actually necessary? No, but you know how shit it feels not to.â
âAnd itâs exactly because I know that feeling that Iâm telling you to stop. Youâre just feeding into it.â
âSo are you, staying until 2 a.m. in the library. Youâve never once gone home when I asked you to.â
âAgain, thatâs different-â
âHow?! How is it different? Please enlighten me, âcause theyâre the exact same thing to me.â
You sigh. A sudden sadness appears on your face. Sunghoon is torn between wanting to see this to its end and taking everything heâs said back. But he keeps quiet, and your eyes, when they meet his again, harden. âAre you really gonna make me say it?â
âYes.â
As if you couldnât say your next words while looking at him, you tear your gaze away from his face. âBecause Iâm actually concerned about you, here. The only reason you want me to stop and go home is so we can fuck.â
Sunghoon is so astounded that all words fail himâhe stares at you, mouth wide open like you just shot him. After a few seconds, all heâs able to come up with is an incredulous, âWhat?â His voice is a mere whisper.Â
âYou heard me,â you say coldly.
He closes his mouth and swallows. âSo⊠youâre the one whoâs worried, and Iâm only after sex?â
You glance at him. âYeah.â
A chuckle escapes Sunghoonâs throat, then another, until laughter spills out of him uncontrollably. He feels like the world is upside down. How could you have lived the same thing and come out of it with such different perspectives? Your account of his intentions with you is so ridiculous and unfathomable to him that he canât do anything but laugh.
You seem taken aback at first, but your surprise quickly turns into annoyance. âSomething funny?â
âHilarious, actually,â he says, holding his stomach. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. All he finds at the end of his amusement is anger, bright red and hot. Itâs not an emotion he feels often, its rarity only serving as an intensifierâhe starts making his way out of the rink before it can explode and hit you in its wake. âWell, thatâs convinced me to call it a day. So you got what you came for, I guess.â
His fingers tremble as he undoes the laces on his skates and puts his sneakers on again. You stand by the door of the rink, holding onto the frame as you look at him, that same sad look still on your face. âHoon,â you say, voice weak. What would usually have him melting only has his anger flare harder.
âDonât. For the first time ever, I actually really donât want to talk to you right now.â He stands up, gives you one last harsh look, and turns away. He only halts right before exiting the bleacher area, and after a couple seconds of thinking, turns back around. âOh, but donât worry, Iâll let you know when I want to fuck again. Since thatâs all this is, clearly.â
--
It seemed to you no one thought you were good enough for Sunghoon.
Only Yunjin and Chaewon seemed excited at the prospect of the two of you getting together, or at least getting to know each other, but they were also the type to coo at dogs in the street and tear up at the sight of old people holding hands; Minjeong was apprehensive from the start, and made it clear; Jay was indifferent; Jake was oblivious for a while. Sunghoon wasâŠ
What was Sunghoon?
Someone who had come out of nowhere, shaken up your routine and messed with your head. Thatâs what Sunghoon was. He didnât seem apologetic in the slightest.
Maybe it was your fault for not opening up to the people closest to you and letting them think you were some kind of no-strings-attached one-night-stands-only emotionless maneater who had been single for as long as they had known her, who would be seen with someone new every few months, and never for long, who, as far as the eye could tell, only used men for sex. Maybe it was their fault for never trying to dig deeper.
No, okay, it was definitely your fault.
Based on your conversations with your friends, they thought Heeseung had broken your heart, and you had never bounced back properly. Heâd hurt you so much, you couldnât fathom a real relationship anymoreâyou could only be with someone casually. Which wasnât so far from the truth, but what Heeseung had done was much worse than just breaking your heart. Heâd confirmed what you already knew of yourself: you want too much. You want what you canât have, what you donât deserve.
From the moment you met Park Sunghoon, you knew you didnât deserve someone like him. Minjeong seemed to agree, and when she saw you and him together at choir that Saturday in September, three months ago already, she made sure you knew her thoughts on the matter.
âThis is so⊠unlike you,â was the first thing sheâd said after she pulled you aside.Â
âWhat is?â
âThis,â she repeated, waving her arms around. âBeing here. Coming with him.â She pointed at Sunghoon, whose hair was being ruffled by one grandma and his cheek pulled by another. He kept glancing back worriedly at youâyou liked him so much already. âSee? Youâre smiling at him,â she said, making you realize a sappy smile had started growing on your lips at the sight of him. Your face dropped and you scoffed at the disgust in her voice.
âYeah, some of us like to smile. You wouldnât understand.â
âY/N, you know what Iâm trying to say.â
âI donât think I do, actually.â
She sighed. âYou donât do this. You donât meet a guy and show up to his choir practice the next morning. Whatâs happening?â
You crossed your arms over your chest. Had you known your presence would be questioned like that, you mightâve thought twice about coming. âCanât a girl enjoy a choir without getting interrogated these days?â
âYouâre avoiding my question! Listen, Y/N. Sunghoon is not the kind of guy you usually go for. Heâs-Stop. Donât smile at me like that.â
âIf you like Sunghoon, you can just tell me. You know I wouldnât stoop so low as to go after a guy my best friend likes.â
âSo you are going after him?â
âSo you do like him?â
Minjeong shook her head violently and put her hands on your shoulders, staring into your brain as if trying to make you see some sense. Calmly, she said, âNo, I donât. Sunghoonâs nice, but he is so far from my type. Heâs too⊠nice.â
âYou mean he doesnât wear leather jackets or ride a motorcycle?â
âThat was once. But no, he doesnât do that. And what Iâm trying to tell you is that heâs not your type either.â
âAnd how have you gathered that?â
âBecause so far, youâve only wisely chosen guys who are as detached and emotionally stunted as you.â
âIâm not-â
âBut heâs not like that, Y/N. Heâs the bring-home-to-your-parents-for-Christmas type. Not the hump-and-dump type.â
âIâm starting to get offended by this conversation.â
âAll Iâm saying is, donât go breaking his heart. Or yours, for that matter. It pains me to say but I care about both of you very much and I donât see this going anywhere good.â
You shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Was her opinion of your romantic tendencies â or lack thereof â that bad that she couldnât even recommend you to her friend? You felt like a chastised child whose mom told you you couldnât get the toy you wanted. Despite being well aware that you werenât the most committed when it came to relationships, you still felt like she was going overboard. Just because nothing had stuck so far didnât mean it wouldnât nowâshe was acting like you went around playing with peopleâs feelings for fun.
âJesus, this is my second time seeing him. I just wanna see what his deal is. Iâm not breaking anyoneâs heart, okay?âÂ
The choir conductor had called out for everyone to gather on stage then, and that was the end of that conversation. You still remember how funny of a thing it was, seeing Sunghoon in his nice shirt and trousers, his hair falling into his eyes, singing diligently with the choir, when just the night before he had been playing beer pong dressed as Cowboy Ken. In this new light, you understood why Minjeong was so adamant about him not being your usual type, and why the grandmas were fussing over him. You hadnât known what had pushed you to invite yourself to this rehearsal, and even then as you sat there, you werenât sure what you were doing or why you couldnât stop smiling as you watched Sunghoon sing.Â
Time made things clearer, starting with that afternoon at the beach. The salt in the air that day had clouded your thoughts, covered them with a thin layer so that your usual reluctance to share anything remotely personal had dimmed. Or maybe it had had nothing to do with the air and everything to do with the boy sitting next to you on the sand, the way words came tumbling out of your mouth before you could think about them and were only met with understanding and empathy on his part. For once, you didnât feel the need to guard yourself, to adapt your words and actions to the person in front of you. It was something you didnât know was possible with a near strangerâperhaps because Sunghoon felt nothing like one.
He made you feel things you hadnât felt in a long time; things you had been craving to feel, needed almost as much as oxygen. Being with him felt like breathing again. But you had been underwater so long, being on land again felt foreign, scary, and you couldnât help but dive back into safe waters, coming up for air once in a while.
Whether he had intended to or not, Sunghoon had started to scratch at your surface, until heâd burrowed a small holeâshallow, but enough for cracks to appear, cracks you were quick to put back together as best as you could.
So when his gaze was too tender, his touches too gentle, you bristled. You went away, because you were afraid of what might happen if you stayed. The more you wanted to give him, the less you gave him anything at all. Your own desire overwhelmed you. His letterman jacket was warm around your shoulders, you proudly walked around with the four letters of his last name on your back, but you couldnât get out of your mind how cold it would be if it was one day ripped away from you.Â
You thought of Heeseung, how disillusioned you had been when you thought you had finally met someone who would love you the way you had always yearned to be, only for him to toss you away when you started asking for too much. You thought of your friends in middle school, how it seemed that no friendship could be more wonderful until you overheard them talking about you at a sleepover, about how clingy you were. You thought of your parents, how they had only bestowed kind words upon you when you performed well in your role of perfect daughter, of academically gifted child. How they hadnât even glanced at any of the drawings youâd done of the four of you, mother, father, son and daughter holding hands with a bright yellow sun in the corner of the sky. How they had pushed you away from their bed when you seeked some comfort after a terrible nightmare. How they had never bothered to hide their disappointment when you came home from school with anything less than an A. How they had shunned your brother for not going down the path they had envisioned for him, how hard you had to fight to make them accept yours was not a worthless one.
Even your best friend seemed to think you were unable to receive affection of the likes of Sunghoonâsâbut what you were afraid of was that he wouldnât handle the amount of affection you knew you were able to give. In a way, that was what had drawn you to Sunghoon in the first placeâfrom the moment youâd met him, you had been able to tell there was something of you in him. It seemed to you he had a heart that was overflowing with love, love to give, love to spare on whoever would have it. In his words, you were him. Nevertheless, your fear of getting hurt overrode your desire to feel Sunghoonâs love, and you didnât know whether you would be able to revert to your nature after having spent so much time perfecting your new facade.
You knew what it was like to be cold. And so you prematurely braced yourself for it by pushing away Sunghoonâs warmth. If it was going to happen at some point, like Minjeong had hinted it would, might as well get used to it, right?
Except the cold never came. Sunghoon kept on burning relentlessly, no matter how much wood you fed his fire withâyou could cling to him for nights on end or ignore his texts for days, without fail, heâd welcome you with his usual, unwavering warmth. He allowed you to bask in it, to momentarily let down your defenses. But something always happened to make you raise them back upâMinjeong would eye the two of you suspiciously, Heeseung would post on Instagram (Is one of the girls on slide five his new fling? Are they serious and it wasnât that he wasnât ready for a relationship, itâs that he didnât want one with me?), or your mom would text you to ask you whether everything was okay.
Yet increasingly, you suspected there was something behind Sunghoonâs warmth, something you had missed, something that was tricking you. He looked at you like you had hung the stars in the night sky, yes; in public, a knowing look from you was enough to have his face turn bright red, and in private, one simple touch had his chest heaving, yes; he expressed disappointment every time you turned him down for a hang-out. Your attachment to him grew, and it became harder to put what the two of you had into words.
It wasnât just sexâit couldnât be. It ran deeper than that. You knew what relationships that consisted of just sex were like, and this wasnât that, it was too good, too intimate to be just that. But you werenât a couple, that much was clear. Only four other people were aware something was even going on, your brother not included, and you acted as regular friends in front of everyone. Jake had insisted you didnât fool around with another member of his hockey team because his relationship with Heeseung had already deteriorated enough, he didnât need to be on weird terms with anyone else on your behalf, so you were not keen on letting him know about what you got up to with Sunghoon. Anyway, even if everyone on earth was in on your shenanigans, you and Sunghoon hadnât convened on what it all meant. Who knew what was going on in his head? You were no stranger to how deceitful men could be when they were after certain bodily pleasures. Unless Sunghoon said it in so many words, multiple times, you would not be a hundred percent sure he wasnât only looking to get laid, or wanted someone to act like his girlfriend without the label and the obligations that came with it.
Because you basically were acting like his girlfriend, and he like your boyfriend. You always went to each other. Always, only each other. Whether he needed a second opinion on an outfit, you needed a rant session about your dissertation, either of you a really good orgasm, it was each other you went to.
You waited for him to initiate a conversation about the status of your relationship like one waits for church bells to ring at the turn of the hourâyou knew it was coming, but the sound might be too much to bear. And the longer you had to wait, the more you dreaded it. Because how would you react when the time came? You didnât trust yourself not to run away; neither did Minjeong.
The cold hadnât come yet. You couldnât let yourself feel the warmth unreservedly. It was all unpleasantly lukewarm.
Then you went home for a weekend.
It was a good friend from schoolâs birthday, and despite having spent a lot of time with Sunghoon at the expense of studying, you had done well this semester and thought you deserved a break. After having been away for so long, you had started to underestimate the power of your need for your parentsâ approval over you. One small instance that your brother and many other people wouldâve brushed off easily was enough to set you offâthat same cold look of disappointment when you decided to be honest and told them one of your courses was deadly boring all while being unnecessarily complicated and you had received a low B-grade in it. They barely spoke to you for the rest of the evening.
Exams were a mere few weeks away when you got back. You buried yourself in work, forgot everything and everyone else, even Sunghoon, even yourself.
The cold hadnât come yet, so you sought it out for yourself.
At the same time, you hadnât indulged in enough introspection to realize how frustrated you had been at Sunghoon for not trying to create defined boundaries around your relationship. You were unable to do it yourself, you unrealistically wanted him to do the work for the both of you, you got upset when he didnât. What you were able to do was make up reasons why he wasnât giving you the what are we talkâhe doesnât like you that much, he just wants sex, heâs settling for you until he finds the next best thing, the real thing. This wasnât leading anywhere, so you cut it off before he could.
You set foot in the library at seven thirty a.m. on a Monday and every following day of that week, then the next, then the next. He managed to pull you out every now and thenâyou werenât that strong against his big pleading eyes, his soft messy hair, his warm hands that entirely covered yours.Â
Oftentimes, you were too tired at the end of a long library day to have sex. Sunghoon never held it against youâhe seemed more than happy to cook you dinner, let you fall asleep halfway during a movie you had chosen, and cuddle all night long. But your body burned with resentment at his mere presence in your bed, in your home, in your text messages. Who was he to stop you from studying, from achieving your goals, to distract you from that top grade just so he could get off? Even your friends and brother werenât trying so hard to make you take breaks. The worry that furrowed his eyebrows, which you used to want to see fade away with a caress of your thumb, now infuriated you to no end, it seemed â to you â put-on. He kissed your neck and you wanted to push him away instead of melt into him like you had before.
It was his turn to leave for a weekend for an out-of-town hockey game, and you convinced yourself his absence came as a relief. But on the Sunday evening they got back, as you came out of the library, you spotted your brother waiting right outside of the building.
âWhy is it so hard to reach you?â he said when he saw you in lieu of a greeting. âWhatâs the point of having a phone if you donât even use it? I called you, like, five times.â âIt was on airplane mode.â He rolled his eyes so hard, you could almost hear them moving beneath their lids. âWhat have you done to Sunghoon?â You stopped dead in your tracks. âSunghoon? What about him?â you asked, chest constricting at the mere thought of him and at the implication that something had happened to him, even if you were the cause. He hadnât said it in so many words, but it was clear the truth had been revealed to Jake, and for some reason, it didnât surprise you. You knew they roomed together and assumed Sunghoon mustâve told him. You tried your best to take it in stride. âI thought we said the hockey team was off-limits after Heeseung,â he said sternly. âAlso, Sunghoon, of all people?â he adds before you can say anything. âThatâs like, my bro. And heâs the nicest guy ever. Not the perfect pick for one of your victims, I must say-â âOh, please, heâs not a victim. Heâs a consenting adult.â âThen why is he so upset over you spending more time studying than with him?â âThatâs the male ego for you, Jakey.â Your brother sighed deeply. âHeâs really hurt, Y/N. If you were going to reject him, you couldâve done it nicely.â
You frowned. âWho said anything about rejecting him?â
âYouâve shut him out. Youâve shut all of us out.â Jake was staring at you, trying to get you to look at him, but you kept your gaze on the ground and kicked non-existent pebbles around, hands hiding in your coat pockets. âYou might not have meant it as one, but he took it as a rejection.â
You scoff. âThere was nothing to reject. Itâs not like weâre actually together.â
âYeah, thanks for telling me anything was going on, by the way.â
âIt wasnât any of your business.â
âIt is, âcause it concerns my sister and my best friend.â
âHeâs your best friend?â you echo, a teasing smile on your lips. He rolls his eyes again.
âGod, maybe you guys arenât so bad together after all. But Y/NâIâm serious. You need to do something.â
âWhy canât he?â
âBecause youâre the one whoâs been fucking around.â
Ouch. âYouâve known about this whole thing for what, two days, and youâre already blaming me for the fact that itâs not going perfectly? How little do you think of me?â
âI donât think little of you, Y/N, I just know you have a track record of not being serious about relationships.â
Your body tensed up. Maybe it had been a particularly long day. Maybe it had been a long time coming. Tears well up in your eyesâa sight youâve not let your brother see in many, many years.
âYou know what, fuck this, Jake. Iâm stressed enough as it is. Iâve done my best with what I have, and you donât get to pin this on me. As if I was the only person in that relationship. If Sunghoon has a problem, he can take it up with me directly.â
You walked away. Jake called after you once, and when you didnât come back, caught up with you. âIâm sorry, Y/N. I donât wanna upset you. I just-I hate seeing him hurt, you know? And you too.â
âIâm glad my feelings are of some importance to you.â
âOf course they are,â Jake said, too concerned to detect the sarcasm in your words. âAnd youâre right, Iâve only heard Sunghoonâs side of the story. But it really sounded like-â
âListen, Jakey, I really donât wanna do this right now. Letâs talk about it when exams are over. I canât have anything else taking up mental space. I mixed up my Greek third declension endings earlier.â
âGod forbid.â
After some arguing, Jake let you off the hookââJust for now,â he said. Youâd get him to recount his and Sunghoonâs conversation in excruciating detail later.
You come out of an evening of contemplation resenting Sunghoon for bitching about you to your brother, of all people. As if he had been begging on his hands and knees for your devotion, as if you had been cool-headed and detached and not thinking heâll ask me to be his girlfriend any second now every time you spent time together. You told yourself you were well and truly done with him for the time being. If there was anything to salvage, that was future youâs problem.
But late on Thursday evening, Jay sent you a voice message, something he only did when he was gravely drunk, shouting over loud chatter and rap music that Sunghoon hadnât shown up to a party and was apparently still practicing. Youâd caught wind of their loss at the game, and even though your heart had swollen with concern for Sunghoon, very well aware of how important winning was to him, youâd managed to squash it down. You had bigger fish to fry, namely, an Italian written exam that made up 75% of your overall grade for that course. But after ten minutes of re-reading the same three lines of an article from Republicca, you couldnât get the image of Sunghoon skirting endlessly around the ice rink and potentially hurting himself out of your head. You told yourself you only had this one exam left and plenty of time to revise for it, packed up your things and headed for the rink.
It was past eleven p.m. when you got there. The rest is history.Â
Your grievances came out in an ugly way, but Sunghoonâs refusal to listen to you got the best of your nerves, and although you really did feel that your worry was more genuine than his, you didnât truly believe that all he wanted from you was sexâat least, you hoped it wasnât. It was the first time you ever saw any sort of negative emotion on Sunghoonâs handsome features, be it anger, sadness or pain. It tugged at your heartstrings, made you want to wrap him in your arms and get him away from whatever it was that tugged his eyebrows into a frownâeven if that was you.
Now, as if the water has inched up your ankles and frozen over, your feet stay planted on the ice for a while after heâs stormed off. You donât even realize youâre crying until a hot, salty teardrop falls on your lips.
Your feet regain control of themselves, and they seem to move of their own accord as they guide you right in front of Sunghoonâs dorm room. Youâre barely conscious as your knuckles rasp against the door, and the tears that had fallen back behind your eyes spill out once more as soon as your eyes meet his. Heâs just come out of the shower, a white towel wrapped around his hips, another one that he uses to dry his hair. His movements stop when he realizes whoâs standing at his door, mouth falling slightly agape, chest visibly rising and falling. Heâs so beautiful, you feel your heart breaking all over again.
Sobs pour uncharacteristically out of you, so much so that you have to hide your face behind your eyes. He ushers you in, holds you tight as everything flows out, the stress, the resentment, the loneliness, the longing. How could he be so close yet so far away this whole time? Did he want those miles of distance between you, or had you forced them upon him?
Sunghoon smoothes your hair down and shushes you, telling you itâs okay and that heâs here, voice strangled as if heâs on the verge of crying, too. A part of you still feels angry towards him, but the bigger part of you knows only he can give you the comfort you need.
âI missed you,â you say when youâve calmed down partly. You only realize how true those words are once youâve spoken them. Youâve missed waking up next to him, watching trashy reality TV together, taking coffee breaks that lasted too long in-between study sessions. Youâve missed the scent of his hair, the scent of his skin, youâve missed watching the way his back muscles shift at the slightest of movements, feeling the weight of his head as he lay on your chest. All for a bunch of As you wouldâve gotten without exerting yourself so much anyway.
âI missed you too, baby. Where did you go?â Just like that, you break down again, and he dissolves into apologies. âYouâre here now, itâs all that matters,â he whispers against your hair.
âYou didnât see them, Hoon. You didnât see the way they looked at me,â you say, struggling to speak, unsure youâre even making any sense but unable to stop. âI got As in everything, I worked so hard. Just one B, one week where I had four things due at the same time. Their faces, Hoon, like they were thinking, what was the point of letting me do this degree if I wasnât even going to excel in it?â
âBut you do excel in it, Y/N. Youâre amazing at what you do. And even if you werenât, you love it, and thatâs what matters the most.â
âNot to them, it doesnât.â
âThen forget them.â
âI canât, Hoon,â you say, voice trembling. âI just canât. I need them to be proud of me.â
âIsnât it enough to be proud of yourself?â
âI wish it was.â
âDoes it help if I tell you how proud I am of you and of how hard youâve worked?â
He doesnât see it, your face is still hidden in the crook of his shoulder, but a small smile makes its way to your lips. âA bit.â
âThen Iâll tell you everyday until you donât need their approval anymore. They donât deserve you, Y/N. They donât even see what an amazing, beautiful, smart daughter they have. Or her sort-of-okay brother.â You laugh, and so does he. Sunghoonâs words and soothing touch against your back already alleviate the weight on your heart. âBut I see it.â
You lift your head to look at Sunghoon. His eyes are glassy. âYou see how amazing, beautiful and smart Jake is?â
He laughs again as he tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. âYeah, exactly.â The way he looks at you makes you wish you could go back to the day you met him and right all of your wrongs. No more hiding or running away. You only want to stay under that gaze of his. But sadness soon replaces the joy in his eyes. âYou mean so much more to me than you give yourself credit for, Y/N. This has never been just about sex for me. Not even for a second.â
âNo?â
âNo.â
âThen what has it been about?âÂ
He frowns like a student in an advanced math class whoâs just been asked what three plus three isâisnât it obvious?
âI love you.â
Your eyes dart between his as if searching for any trace of deceit there. Of course, you donât find anyâbecause there hasnât been any since the start. Youâd let your own fears invent things that werenât there. Your lips tremble and you find yourself bawling on his shoulder once more, your tears like a well that digs deeper and deeper so as to never run out of water.
âI hope these are good tears,â Sunghoon says light-heartedly, but you can detect the nervousness behind his words. You nod your head vigorously, willing yourself to say something back, but your tears overflow, make your breath hitch.
âWhy didnât you say anything earlier?â you manage in between sobs.
âI didnât think it was the kind of thing you wanted to hear,â he explains.
âI was waiting for you to say something.â
âI didnât know. I thought I was being obvious enough.â
âYou probably were. I was the one who couldnât see it,â you admit.
âI thought you didnât want me like that.â
âI thought you didnât want me like that.â
Sunghoon chuckles, a sound of relief. âIâve wanted you like that since the start.â
âI think I have too.â
âYou think?â
You lift your head again and when your eyes meet Sunghoonâs, it feels like coming out of your hiding place hours after the round of hide-and-seek was over. He hadnât forgotten to come and find you. He was waiting for you to reveal yourself.
Which goes against the rules of hide-and-seek, but you donât blame him.
You smile; he smiles, deep dimples carving crescents into his cheeks. âI love you, too.â
You hadnât realized how cold your hands were until Sunghoon found them.
--
Everything after that was a blurry mess of tangled limbs, warm kisses, happy tears and relieved laughter.
Your touch had always been intoxicating, but Sunghoon was particularly sensitive to it that night. The mix of not having felt you close in weeks and the heightened emotions driven by your confessions made his skin tingle everywhere it came in contact with yours. Heâd never slept so little without regretting it in the morning.
It goes without saying that most of the night was not spent talking, but you still had things you needed to discuss. The two of you laid out all of your fears, and Sunghoon was immensely relieved to finally get a glimpse into that mind of yours. He made you promise to always tell him what was going on, and he promised you youâd never be too much for him. Always just right.
Now, he gets to wait outside of your exam hall with your favorite flowers in hand, to put his arm around your shoulders during movie nights instead of holding your hand beneath the blanket, to kiss you over the barrier at the end of a hockey game he won. Heeseungâs narrowed eyes at the sight of the two of you is an added bonus.
You text him that youâll hang around the locker rooms after the game so that you can head to the party together. The end of December is nearing and you canât wait for the new year, for twelve whole months of not hiding your feelings for Sunghoon from anyone, not even from yourself, least of all from him. At least, thatâs what you told him in a sappy, drunken voice message at two a.m. the previous night when the girls made you drink a bottle of prosecco to yourselfâtheir way of congratulating you for an arduous but successful exam period.
He steps out of the locker rooms with Jake and Jay. Youâve never looked quite as pretty, face lighting up as you spot the three of them, his jersey on your shoulders. Youâd worn it during your last examââI thought it might bring me luck to wear a pretty boyâs name on my back,â youâd told him, to which heâd replied that it was good practice for when you actually took his last name. Youâd looked away, fighting a smile.
Now your smile is full-blown as you look at him, but the downside of being an official couple is that Jake has now more material to tease the both of you with.
âOh my God, you waited for me, what a sweet sister I have been blessed with!â he exclaims, arms outstretched as he barrels towards you.
âFuck off, Sim,â you say but accept his hug nonetheless. âNice game.â
âI know.â He pulls away and ruffles your hair. Jay nods at you like youâre someone he shared a class with back in second year and not his friend of almost three years.
As if on cue, just as Sunghoon reaches you and envelops you in a hug, Jake turns around and yells loud enough for all the players spilling out of the locker rooms, âAnd donât forget to wear protection! Iâm not ready to be an uncle yet.â
âThatâs disgusting, Jakey,â you yell back, and he smiles proudly. Sunghoon had never thought the day would come where youâd initiate a kiss in a room full of peopleâheâs on cloud nine when you take his head in your hands and press your lips to his, murmuring praises about how well he played.
âIt was all for you, baby,â he says, trying to appear cool even though a blush is creeping up his ears.Â
âNot for the recruiter of the national team?â you asked with a smirk.
He smiles, shrugging. âMaybe a bit for him too. Youâre the one I want to impress.â
âConsider me impressed.â You stand on your tiptoes to kiss him a second time.
You head towards your friends, hands warm against each other.
--
In classic mysterious Jay fashion, he organizes a New Yearâs Eve party that he canât attend himself.
Heâs on holiday in some exotic country halfway across the world with his family, but heâs offered up their house for a celebration and tasked Jake with making sure no one trashes anything.
The party started three hours ago, and youâre sure itâs in full swing by nowâyouâre sure everyone is having a jolly old time, getting drunk enough to welcome the new year with a hangover, searching the crowds of people for the person theyâll want to kiss at midnight. Youâre sure that people are having so much fun that whoever notices your and Sunghoonâs absence might think youâre missing out.
And maybe you areâbut thereâs nowhere youâd rather be than where you are now, straddling your boyfriendâs lap in the backseat of his car. Heâs a little bit tipsy, youâre a little bit tipsy, itâs obvious in the way you kiss each other, messy, impatient, interspersed with giggles and with perhaps too much tongue. Your hands are not much more polite, harshly grabbing at his hair just the way you know he likes it, and neither are his, having snuck their way underneath your black satin dress long ago already.
When Sunghoon pulled you away from the party, youâd appropriately exclaimed, âBut the party?â, to which he replied, âFuck the party.â It wasnât like him to curse, or to have anything but a bashful smile on his lips, like a guilty dog whoâd been caught doing something it knew it shouldnât, even though he was just standing there, so when you see his stoney expression, you think something serious mustâve happened.
The something serious turned out to be âthat guy who was touching your shoulder.â
Clearly, itâd take Sunghoon a little bit more time to be entirely secure in your relationship. In the meantime, you didnât mind letting him fuck his jealousy away.
Although heâd been the one to whisk you away, youâre the one who finds yourself begging for him to speed things up. Your flimsy thong does absolutely nothing, so youâre basically grinding yourself bare against his clothed erectionâand itâs not like the fabric of his suit trousers is very thick, either. A girl can only put up with so much dry humping before having her boyfriendâs dick inside of her goes from being a want to a need.
âNeed you, Hoon,â you coo against the shell of his ear. A few words usually do the trick, but Sunghoon has other plans tonight.
âWhat do you need, baby?â
âYou.â
âIâm right here,â he says, punctuating his words with a squeeze of your ass.
âYou know what I mean,â you say, practically whining.
âIâm not sure I do, actually.â
You pull away and, looking at him directly, say, âGod, Sunghoon. I want you to fuck me.â His shit-eating grin simultaneously makes you roll your eyes and goes straight to your core.
âThat I can do.â
He keeps one hand on your ass as he loosens his tie first, then undoes his belt and trouser buttons. His slacks and underwear pool around his ankles, and all he needs to do is hike your dress up around your hips and push your thong to the side. You wrap a hand around his dick, but your mind is too hazy to do much with itâheâs started rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb, the pressure and speed as perfect as it always is. You let your forehead fall against his shoulders and moan unabashedly, thankful he decided to park the car far enough away from the house.
âYou like it when I touch you like this, baby?â
âI love it, Hoon.â
He hums his approval. âYouâre so perfect. So perfect and so wet for me, isnât that right?â
You start to say âyes,â but you interrupt yourself with a gasp. You hold onto Sunghoonâs arm, feel his muscles move under your palm as he slips two fingers inside of you without warning. âPlease,â you choke out, a tight knot already forming in your stomach.
âPlease what?â
âNeed you. Need your dick, baby.â
He smiles as if endeared, but his words couldnât be more different. âMaybe you shouldâve thought of that before going off with some random guy the one minute I was somewhere else.â
âHeâs just-fuck, Hoon, heâs just a mutual friend of Jay and I. Fuck, right there, baby.â Forming coherent sentences when Sunghoonâs fingers flick against that perfect spot deep inside you again and again is no easy task, but you need to defend yourself.
âRight there?â he echoes, voice a whisper against your ear. When you nod, eyes shut tight, he slips his fingers out. You look at him, betrayed. âThatâs too bad. Why donât you ask him to touch you right there, hm?â
You donât know how much of his jealousy is put-on to get you to beg and how much of it is real. You make a mental note to have a conversation with him about this laterâright now, you donât mind playing along if it means your boyfriend will deign to fuck you. You know he wants to, heâs just making you work harder.
You move your hand up and down along his dick, brush his reddening tip with your palm every now and then. âHe couldnât touch me like you, Hoon.â You lean in and trail kisses along his neck, his jawline, his ears. âCanât fuck me like you, either.â
With exams, hockey matches and any other responsibilities out of the way for winter break, the two of you had had an obscene amount of sex in the past couple of weeks. Youâd done other things, of course, namely having much-needed conversations with each other, your friends, your families. Sunghoonâs mother was overjoyed at the news, glad her âduckling had finally met someoneâ â her words â and his sister kept stealing his phone from him to talk to you when you were on FaceTime. You and Jake had gone home for two days for Christmas, and although Jake had needed to pep talk you into it for over an hour, you managed to tell them that you wouldnât stand for being belittled for your life choices anymore.
But in-between these conversations, you couldnât keep your hands off of each other. Youâve grown more comfortable with each passing day, both of you bolder in vocalizing what you want and how you feel. And so, you quickly found out that your Sunghoon, your shy, sweet Sunghoon, got off like nothing else on salacious words. In line with his possessiveness, he loved hearing about how he and only he could do these things to you; in line with your need for validation, you could practically come from hearing his praises alone.
âThatâs right, baby.â Like the gentleman he is, he fishes out the condom wrapper he had gotten ready from his trouser pocket, tears it open with his mouth and rolls the condom on with one hand, his other one still preoccupied with you. âCome here, my love,â he whispers, his sweet tone worlds away from his previous teasing, almost cocky one. He grabs your hips, guides you closer to him and lines your entrance with the tip of his dick. He lets you go at your own pace, rubs your thighs soothingly as you sink down onto him slowly and adjust to his size. You throw your head back, mind hazy with pleasure as you move your hips back-and-forth against him.
âYou feel so good, baby. Youâre doing so well for me.â His words make you pick up your pace, and you wrap your arms around his neck, fingers grabbing at his hair and sides of your faces pressed against each other as you start lifting your hips and sinking back down. Sunghoonâs hands hold your ass tightly, guiding you up and down. Itâs hot in the car; sweat runs down your hairline and your back, air is running low, the windows are fogging up, but it only adds to the dizzying bliss growing in you. Even the seatbelt receiver digging into your knee doesnât bother you.
âFeels so good, Hoon,â you moan.
âI know, baby.â
Your hours of studying everyday means your thighs arenât the strongestâgood thing for you that your boyfriend has enough stamina and strength for the both of you. As soon as he feels you tiring, your rhythm becoming slower and more irregular, he picks up your slack. One hand on your back, one arm around your waist, he presses you close to him, his hold on you so tight you can barely move. He bucks his hips harshly into yours, faster and faster, making you cry out with every brush of his tip against that spot deep inside of you. Your whole body shakes with pleasure as your moans grow higher and louder, until the tension in your stomach hits its apex and unravels. A gasp leaves your throat as you come around him, but heâs unrelenting, the overstimulation quickly making tears form in your eyes. Strings of curses and praises of how perfect you are spill out of Sunghoonâs mouth disorderly as he reaches his own end.
Together, you take your time catching your breath, his fingers roaming your back while you trail soft kisses all over his face and neck. âMy pretty baby,â he whispers, and it makes your heart swell with so much affection for him that you press your lips to his, shutting him up in case he says something that actually has you exploding.
You wish you could spend some more time just the two of you before returning to the party, but when you check your phone, itâs already five minutes to midnightâhe puts his clothes back on as you fix your hair in a rush, Sunghoon helping you wipe away traces of mascara under your eyes, and together, run back to the living room where everyone has gathered. You find Minjeong, Yunjin, Chaewon and Jake, who has Jay on FaceTime. Itâs only five p.m. where he is.
Everyone counts down from ten together. The first thing you do in the new year is kiss Park Sunghoonâand youâll make sure itâs the last thing you do, too.
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Hi! I couldnât find anything on your pinned regarding if you take requests, so feel free to ignore this is you donât.
Iâve been feeling kind of bummed lately about the lack of love towards us mid-size girlies in fanfics in general. Its hard to feel wanted sometimes if youâre not thin enough or curvy enough. Would mind writing a fic with any member of the CoD 141 that just appreciates their mid-size girl? Thank you đ
simon riley with midsize!reader (I'm so sorry this took so long, but I love this request)
simon riley loves a girl with a bit of weight on her. he'd never understand how you could be so insecure about how your body looked (if you were), especially when you just looked so perfect to him.
your body was a perfect balance in his eyes, plush thighs and tummy that he could bury his face in after he arrived home to you.
when you first asked him to leave the room so you could change, he just gave you a blank stare. he just loved to stare at you (he has a staring problem).
you just look so delectable, he could just eat you up (he does).
but aren't your thighs too big? no, better to crush his head when he's lapping at your sopping pussy.
but aren't you not curvy enough? who needs curves anyways? his eyes are glued to your ass or tits regardless
but your tummy isn't flat? who wants a flat stomach anyways? you have organs, lovie, and he'll gladly rearrange them.
but you're not thin enough? he doesn't care, it just means you're well taken care of, and that's all he wants. more to love, anyways darling.
he can still throw you around without breaking a sweat, toss you over his shoulder with a sharp slap to your ass.
he'll happily fuck you in front of the tall mirror in your bedroom, his chest pressed against your back as he hovers over you. his breath kissing your ear, his voice breathy and deep as he mumbles praises.
his hand is laced through your hair, forcing your eyes to the mirror, his other hand around your neck, fingers creeping up to hold your jaw. red marks and bruises forming all along your neck, trailing down your skin with no pattern. chest bitten and glistening from saliva around your perky buds.
he'd fuck you slow, every praise about your body, your appearance punctuated with a sharp thrust of his cock buried in your weeping pussy. the soft slap of his hips against your ass, your skin rippling from impact, reddening.
come on, lovie, you don't get to come until you're saying positive things. you want to come, don't you?
#ghost call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley fanfiction#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost cod#ghost x you#simon ghost fluff#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost simon riley#ghost smut#ghost mw2#ghost#simon riley imagine#simon riley cod#simon x reader#simon riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#cod x you#cod ghost x reader#ghost cod x reader#simon riley x female reader#simon riley x y/n#simon riley smut#simon riley fluff#simon riley x afab reader#cod x reader
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- My Partner Turned Into A Cat And I Don't Know How To Fix It
ă content; established relationship , fluff , humour , angst if you squint(?) , gn!reader ă
ă characters; aventurine , blade , dr. ratio , jiaoqiu , jing yuan , moze , sunday ă
ă premise; " Your partner has been struck with a curse of some sort which has turned him into a cat, you have no idea how to fix it nor how long it might take. Yet you also cannot help but be rather amused by the situation despite the uncertaintyâŠ" ă
ă note; might make more parts, who knows. also two one-shots/fics between gss chapters? in this writing economy? ă
ă word count; 3.303 | read on ao3 | hsr reader ver | gi ver | gi reader ver ă
Aventurine;
You thought heâd be more agitated than thisâusually Aventurine doesnât stay still for long periods of time, always out and about, as if resting for too long or standing still raises the hairs on his neck as something rapidly approaches from behind him, unseen to anyone else.
 And yet now⊠he sleeps curled on the sofa in his apartment, you continue to scratch your head over the situation and how to fix itâyou tried to ask Dr. Ratio, who youâve only met once by chance with Aventurine, but he seemed knowledgeable, and youâve seen some of his theses cited in arguments onlineâŠ
 But all he replied with to your very concerned and urgent text message from Aventurineâs phone was; âlolâ
 So youâre officially on your own, itâs bad enough that Ratio has rejected your plea for help and now knows about this, if it gets out to Aventurineâs coworkersâŠ
 You sigh and plop yourself down on the sofa next to his curled form, yellow-orange fur swaying at your movements as he doesnât even look up. For a moment, youâre a bit concerned⊠hopefully heâs still breathing.
 Reaching a hand out, one finger pointed straighter than others, Aventurine suddenly looks upâand closes his jaw around your finger. Itâs a gentle hold, not exactly a bite despite the way it looks and the prick of his teeth. You blink at him, he slow blinks at you. âYouâre so sleepy,â you note. Aventurine just licks your finger, letting go of itâthough it was barely a hold.
 After having gotten what seemed to be a long-awaited proper rest over the span of two days, Aventurine seems to spring to life, not in the way heâs zooming all over the oversized apartment or knocking things over, he just seems very excited to see you when you come home from workâyour partner might have turned into a cat for real, but your superior will NOT believe youâhe sits on your thighs whether youâre on the couch, by the dinner table, kneeling to fix something under a shelf, anything.Â
 Heâs usually quite independent, so this somewhat clingy behaviour is surprising, but you donât entirely mind, his fur is very soft.
 Aventurine didnât even make a single sound when you bathed him after accidentally spilling some bolognese sauce on his backâhe was wandering around your feet and nearly tripped you when you turned around.Â
 Perhaps this temporary (hopefully) form has made him more confident in seeking the closeness to you he craves, the need for connection that heâs too reluctant to engage in most times despite being together for so long.Â
Blade;
You squint your eyes open in the darkness of the night, why is it so hard to breathe suddenly? It woke you up, as if there was something hot and heavy on your chest.
 And there is, when your eyes adjust to the darkness, you see large flame-coloured eyes staring at you. Bladeâs pitch black fur blends into the darkness of the night, but his eyes do notâif you didnât know better youâd think there were two eyes floating in front of your face, but the body attached to them is very much standing on your chest.
 â... what?â you mumble sleepily, why is he staring at you like that? He doesnât do this normally⊠you think. Maybe⊠does he?
 No responseâyouâre not sure what to expect, itâs not like he can talk in this form.Â
 He does this every night, to a point youâve started laying on your side so he at least has to stand on the bed. One night, you even reach out and grab him, pulling him into your arms so heâs unable to stand and stare like that. You come out with scratched arms, but it was worth the somewhat peaceful sleep when he finally settles.Â
 It doesnât matter what youâre doing, heâs always been in the corner of your eyes, sometimes waiting for you to finish what youâre doing, sometimes just standing thereânot necessarily even looking at you or engaging with you in any way. He just likes to stand in the same room.Â
 Except now heâs perched on shelves, under sofas or chairs, looming behind a corner so you almost step on him.
 Over time, he becomes a bit restless, but other than hiding away in warm, dark spots⊠but as you settle into bed, heâs always ready and hops onto your stomach as soon as your back hits the mattress.Â
 The other Stellaron Huntersâ reactions range from curious concern to finding it hilarious. Firefly mentioned they have two cat members now, Blade wasnât very happy about it⊠the day after she offhandedly mentioned that she could barely sleep and felt like someone was watching her the entire time. You decided not to mention his habit.Â
 Blade doesnât quite follow you at your heel the entire time⊠but he does always seem to be in the same general area, as he always has. Itâs a bit of a relief, you thought you might get lonely without his constant presence.Â
 He sometimes doesnât run off when you pet him. Sometimes.Â
Dr. Ratio;
Ratio is appalled by this development, he hates it. He doesnât have opposable thumbs, he canât communicate properly, and you wonât stop pinching his ears. Youâre lucky he doesnât bite you.Â
 He, in his infinite wisdom, developed a way for him to communicate with you. He may be a cat now, but his work doesnât have space to halt for even a day! And so itâs up to you to continue it under his guidance, because he will not be seen like this by his assistants.Â
 His way is quite funny, for complex explanations or lengthy dialogue, he will slap his paws on a holo-keyboard to type it out, but otherwise he presses buttons laid out on one of his workbenches for general commands. âWriteâ, âOpen drawerâ, âFetch toolâ (he then vaguely gestures which one), and even âEatâ and âNapâ.
 You asked him if he wanted to add a voice-over to the buttons so you wouldnât just have to listen to a buzzer made to catch your attention, but he just stared at you blankly.
 You pinch and rub his ears, despite protests.
 To ensure subtlety, he demands you carry him in your bag in and out of the lab and past the reception⊠and you canât in good faith deny that itâs adorable to see his head poke out of your bag and squint around to make sure the coast is clear once youâre outside.Â
 Ratio had never imagined to hear as absurd of a suggestion as when you asked him if you should ask any of his Intelligentsia Guild colleagues about this, surely they can put their brains together and come up with a solution?Â
 Absolutely not, he says, by knocking an empty coffee paper cup over.Â
 You caught him staring longingly at his own bathtub and asked if he wanted to take a dip, you can wash him. The idea sounded good⊠until he stuck his purple paw into the soapy water and felt the spine-shattering feeling of his fur sticking together and immediately wriggled so aggressively out of your gripâstartling you of courseâthat you both went tumbling into the water.
 He sat on his bed, towel under his body and over his back with a traumatised expression on his face for about forty eight minutes straight. Not even an offering of some nice cheese from the fridge brought him out of it.Â
Jiaoqiu;
Different from the rest of the cast, Jiaoqiu has found himself in the form of an extremely furry fox, matched exactly to the colour of his hair. Heâs so soft that you canât help but run your fingers through it, messing up the direction of the coat and requiring Jiaoqiu to stand up and shake himself a few times to right it out. It comes to a point he will nip at your fingers if your hand comes too close.
 One afternoon, youâre wondering where he went off toâhe has a chronic tendency to wander off, even in regular foxian formâyou go into the pantry to see his tail swaying excitedly, half of his body disappearing into a woven bag of peanuts. Startled for a moment that he might not be able to digest thatâyouâve never had to take care of an actual fox beforeâyou hurry towards him and pull him out, holding Jiaoqiu up.
 He screams in such a disturbingly human way you almost drop him. Whether the scream was of surprise or protest is hard to tell.
 You stand in front of him, sat on the divan in your home and try to look stern⊠but the smile and closed eyes he makes even in this form is so eerily similar to how he normally would with his usual expression that it almost freaks you out. You shouldnât be surprised, heâs basically just a furry version of himself⊠but itâs too close!Â
 And he got away with it too, damn him.Â
 Despite the pale pink fur, the tip of his tail and ears, his legs and paws are all dark, and you canât help but hold them, stroke through the fur through the change of colour and Jiaoqiuâthough normally not liking his tail or ears to be touched, in this form he seems to accept it⊠he canât lie to you with turning his snout up, you see his tail sway when your hand comes close, despite how he would nip at them beforeâyouâve cracked the code, smooth the fur back down after ruffling it, and itâs acceptable.
 Donât think for a second that youâre safe to indulge in any unhealthy habits or dumb decisions even though his âwarning smileâ is absent, he will bite your pants and pull so hard they might rip. You were about to be roped into some nonsense by Feixiao, seeing the perfect opportunity to borrow you for some âracingâ, when Jiaoqiu comes running at breakneck speed, bites your pants, and effectively drags you away.
 Feixiao just watches with a grin. Good luck next time.
 He sulks a bit about not being able to do his job for such an extended period of time, he has a good sense of responsibility and doesn't like to sway from his sworn duties too much.
 Also, he can tell by the smell alone that the food you make for yourself in the absence of his skilled work is severely lacking in critical ingredients, and is also plated wrong. But thatâs more of a subjective nitpickâmaybe heâs just getting restless.
 He decides to hide one of your shoes and watch in amusement as you search high and low through the house the next morning. Sitting on the carpet with a foxy smile.Â
Jing Yuan;
Jing Yuan is delighted. He plops himself down on you no matter what youâre doing, if there is no surface to curl up, he will lie down by your feet, or anywhere he can be touching you with at least a part of his body.Â
 Raking your hand through his thick fur, you pull your hand back and itâs covered in white hairs, he sheds more than Mimi.
 You vehemently vetoed his decision to rename Mimi to Wave-Treading Snow Lion when it began growing and showing signs of not being a grimalkin like he suspected it was.
 Speaking of Mimi, you walk into the Seat of Divine Foresight and see the two of them splayed out by the massive windows, artificial sunlight bathing them in warmth as Mimi lies on the floor belly up⊠and Jing Yuan lies on Mimiâs belly, his own facing up towards the sun. You donât dare disturb themâmostly because you worry that Mimi will roll over and crush poor Jing Yuan under it.Â
 So you set the documents on his desk slowly and sneak back out, the Cloud Knights always present in the room stand still and try not to do more than whisper between themselves.
 If you thought Jing Yuan was sleepy before, you were in for a surprise. As soon as his hands turned to paws, he was lounging around as lazily as he could get away with, which was infinite in this formâperhaps this was the taste of retirement he needed, and it might convince him to go through with it⊠you hope. For his sake.Â
 Unfortunately, your partner is cursed with a perpetual disturbance of his naps, and a problem comes up in regards to an illegal trade of magically-charged artefactsâone of which having the potential to explode if handled wrong, which could hurt innocents during the exchange. He circles the Seat of Divine Foresight like he would normally in thought⊠except instead of his boots touching the ground in a rhythmic thump, itâs small paws padding on the floor.
 Itâs cuteâbut then again, heâs always cute.
 Thankfully the problem is resolved due to the Cloud Knights having previously acquired knowledge of suspicious movements over the last weeks and are able to intercept the exchange.
 As a reward for his hard work, you make a big bowl of juicy fruits for him to dive intoâthough Mimiâs snout got in before him, and stole about half of it⊠you snooze you lose, dozing general.Â
 Of course, he didnât let you off that easy, cuddles were demanded with headbutts and loud meows of protest if you turned to do anything else, so you were stuck with two cats hogging your attention for the rest of the night, good thing you have two hands to scratch behind both of their ears at the same time.
Moze;
You thought for a moment he didnât actually retain his senses, and had ran off somewhere, you dragged Feixiao with you to search the entirety of the Xianzhou Yaoqing⊠only to return home several hours later, exhausted and disappointed, to see Moze sitting on the kitchen counter with a fish in his mouth, tail swaying contently as he ate it off the bones.
 He would just randomly wander off and return at odd times, once you saw some blood on his paw and worried he had hurt himself, but no matter how you looked or poked and prodded, there was no wound. It must have been the capture of another fish or another⊠because, surely, Feixiao doesnât have him doing work like this?
 You suppose itâs quite a good cover⊠no one would suspect a catâŠ?
 After locking him in your room for the workday to ensure he doesnât go off somewhere, as you had asked an elder of the Alchemy Commission to come over and have a look at him, you came back with the old man to find the room empty.
 Given cat form, Moze has become the perfect escape artistânot that thereâs much anyone can do to hold him down in his normal form.Â
 Try as you might, it becomes somewhat of a game of you trying to keep him in one single place, and him disappearing like a leaf on the wind, only to show up later with a treat⊠usually for himself, but once he brought you a pouch of sesame balls. You hope he paid for it somehow, but you donât hold your breath either.
 He sleeps exclusively by your feet, circles a few times and wriggles into a comfortable position against either leg thatâs closer. You tried to get him to sleep closer to your torso or on your inviting arm, but he always stood up and returned to the spot by your legs after a few minutes.Â
 One time, you were stroking his tail absentmindedly and accidentally pinched it only slightlyâyet he still jumped into the air like you had just stepped on it with a loud yeowl, making you yourself jump as he suddenly sped off across the room and almost slammed himself into the door leading to the study.
 You decided not to play with his tail after that, he even left scratches on the floor with his hurried scuttling across the room.Â
 You spotted Jiaoqiu trying to feed him some of the âconcoctionâ he was making, which Moze sniffed curiously atâbut youâre fairly certain there are not many things in that broth that will settle wellâor at allâin his kitty stomach, and thus you swoop in and feign extreme interest in Jiaoqiuâs dish. Of course, the foxian sees through you easily and smiles widely. âAh, why donât you try it then?â
 You got yourself into this position, and so, you resign yourself to burnt taste buds for the next few hours. Itâs delicious as always, but your poor mouth⊠Moze rubs his furry head against your legs in comfort.Â
Sunday;
He couldnât believe it. Sunday stared at himself in the reflecting mirror of the Astral Expressâ windows for about ten whole minutes after being brought back to it in the state he was in. His ears flatten to his head and he glares at anyone that tries to approach, he doesnât want to interact with anyone like this!
 He flees to his room and stays under the bed for several hours before you manage to lure him out with some delicious smelling grilled fish. Sunday reluctantly pokes his head out to grab itâwhich is when you grab him.Â
 He flails and meows, struggling and squirming as you pick him up and stand⊠only to coo at him and rub his cheeks with your thumbs, musing how cute he is.
 Cute?! This is a horror scenario!Â
 Despite his displeased meowing and nibbling on your fingers when you try to pet him, Sunday eventually gives up when he learns that you just find his struggling adorable. Suddenly your staring when he gets annoyed with small things start to make sense. Like when he hit his head on the ridge of a table after bending under it to fetch a pen he dropped, and the brief surge of frustration and annoyance he feltâonly for you to swoop in to rub his head and see if it hurt.Â
 He sulks the entire time, he doesnât like it one bit.Â
 March asks him if she can put him in outfits like she does with Pom-Pom, and he strategically avoids her for several days. Not a chance.Â
 Thankfully, despite you âtormentingâ him on the first day, Sunday does seek comfort in you⊠youâre warm, and somehow you know exactly where to scratch behind his ears and under his chin where he canât quite reach well enough.Â
 You almost pull him in and rub your face into his furry torso when Sunday kneads at your shirt when you lay down to sleep, but decide that watching him is much cuter. You get such cuteness aggression when he does the smallest things. He purrs when you massage his paws or draw your fingers all the way down his backâand get a fistful of hair while youâre at itâand eventually he starts to do it at the smallest gestures⊠Pom-Pom once brought up concerns to Himeko that they thought that the train might have a problem, some kind of motor malfunction.
 Turns out Sunday was napping in the warm engine room and purring so loudly that when Pom-Pom leaned close to his hiding spot, they thought it was the engine.Â
 He doesnât let anyone pet him properly except you, not because he doesnât trust the rest of the Express membersâtrust is a strong word in any caseâbut because when he closes his eyes in comfort, he wants to open them again and see you stroking through his fur. Nothing personal, though March does take it a bit personally.
#aventurine x reader#aventurine x you#blade x reader#blade x you#dr ratio x reader#dr ratio x you#jiaoqiu x reader#jiaoqiu x you#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x you#moze x reader#moze x you#sunday x reader#sunday x you#hsr#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#my writing#fluff#fics#gn reader#aventurine#dr ratio#blade#jiaoqiu#jing yuan#moze#sunday#honkai star rail
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