#advertisement for sale a car
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yaknow . ads obviously work, otherwise companies wouldn't put them everywhere, but i wanna know who in the fresh hell is falling for them. i don't think an ad, save for like,,, trailers for movies/games, has Ever worked on me. most of the time when i'm doing something and an ad interrupts me in any way i make a mental note to Not buy that product in the future outta spite.who is out here watching a febreze commercial and going Damn ur right guess im a febreze truther now
#qktalks#i can Sorta understand food commercials cuz it's sometimes hard to lookat the food in the commercial and Not want it#but like.the likelihood of me wanting it so bad that i get up and go to the store for it is like literally 0#and the likelihood of me Remembering that commercial and my craving like a week later when im actually at the store ? like 2%#i REALLY don't understand car commercials#like i get they're prolly targeting a very small audience who actually has enough money for or is actively looking to buy a car#but im just baffled it seems to be working. like they prolly wouldn't make these commercials if they didn't bring in sales#so obviously it's working.why on EARTH is it WORKING#most of them also boast abt acceleration speeds n shit which <3 imo <3 ur STOP speed should be the thing to advertise.#but that's another matter#celebrity commercials too ..... why r u more inclined to buy a coke bc some singer u like was in a coca cola commercial#why r people so obsessed w celebrities .........................ill never get it#anyway uhm . hi.bye
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"Look, I know, just... maybe you can use 'em in some kind of insurance scam."
#animated gif#animated gifs#gif#gifs#old advertisements#old ads#retro#vhs#POS#lemons#garbage#dodge spectrum#dodge sprint#terrible#malaise era#suit and tie#salesman#shitty cars#car sales#80s
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From the car files: cover of the 1955 Oldsmobile sales brochure.
#vintage illustration#vintage advertising#oldsmobile#olds#antique cars#the 50s#the 1950s#50s cars#1955 oldsmobile#1955 olds#oldsmobile cars#vintage brochures#vintage car brochures#1955 oldsmobile sales brochure#classic cars#’55 oldsmobile#’55 olds
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i think it is so silly that discount tires sends me promotional emails and sales. Like what do tey think im going to do? impulse buy tires?
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1959 Mercury Car Commercial
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❛ Tell me about them? ❜
Asks a curious Angela at Lorien, regarding the group.
From: ❝𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞❞ rp meme
“Ah, yes! A splendid array of talents they are, truly.” He began as their attention was fully directed to the other three.
They were stationed at a distance across the way, almost blending in with the throng of partygoers. It was commonplace for Lorien and Mina to be speakers of the group, well versed in the nature of representation - or "reppin'," as the kids say.
Mina, jubilant as ever, fraternized with others that were present as Branson brooded alongside her, briefly glancing over at the two. Sal, though associated, seemed to be in her own world; she wore a smile that felt cryptically aware of many things, however. Including them.
“Our precious little percussionist, warming many a heart with rhythm and revelry - beautifully balanced by the chilling strings of our sullen soul on strings. And the pianist… our pianist, ever the melodic and mysterious mistress.~”
A distinct levity reached his voice at the given subject. There was a sense of enduring pride. His sincerity was tangible.
“Some of Lindblum’s finest, in my humble opinion.” Which wasn’t very humble, but this mattered little.
#🌠 Ashe Anon | RP 🌎#oomerkabaoo#Angela clicked the Lorien ad#Lorien's just a walking talking advertisement#he just gave us a sales pitch on his friends#-slaps all three of them like the hood of a car-#“this baby's packed with talent and friendship!”
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Austin A40 - A50 'Cambridge' : publicity brochure : Austin Motor Company, Longbridge, Birmingham : nd [c.1954] by mikeyashworth Via Flickr: The new Austin A40 and A50 range of saloon cars - known as the Cambridge - were first introduced in September 1954 and replaced the older A40 Somerset. The style seen here, the A50 having the same body design but a newer, larger engine, was in production until the MkII versions with Pinin Farina body design was introduced in 1959. The A40 designation had already been 'swapped' in 1958 when the smaller Cambridge was dropped and the marque given to the new Farina vehicle. The brochure is very lavish in its extent and use of colour and has several of these marvellously evocative illustrations - here the A50 speeding along a seemingly Alpine road with our driver, still wearing his hat, being admired by his passenger. Sadly the artwork does not appear to be credited but it is very much of the 'style' of the period.
#Mike Ashworth Collection#advert#advertising#graphic design#illustration#folder#publicity#car sales brochure#c.1954#Austin A40#Austin A50 Cambridge#Austin Motor Company#BMC#British Motor Corporation#Birmingham#Longbridge#1954#flickr
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he's trying his best 🎈 pixelated flying pika rearview mirror accessory
♡ shops & socials ♡
#pokemon#pokémon#pokemon community#anime#pikachu#pika pika#car accessories#accessories#pixel art#pixel aesthetic#flying pikachu#for sale#etsy#ebay#90s#2000s#retro#retro gaming#gaming#video games#manga#aesthetic#fyp#cosplay#charizard#fandom#pop culture#pkmn#advertising#japan
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Possibly a controversial opinion but Ads being unavoidable by unskippable ads at the start of videos or taking up 3/4ths of a page of an news article you're trying to read is abhorrent and fucking sucks but I will never give shit to some small youtuber/streamer using up a minute of time to talk about a sponser that will pay them a whole whopping ✨$50 usd✨so they can have gas money this month
No Idgaf about the thing being advertised and its annoying as fuck to have shit constantly shoved in your face all the time 'buy this' 'buy that' 'consume this' 'buy right now big sale give us your money' 'consume capitalism catastrophe'
but I'd rather some creator get the advertisement money to help pay the bills rather than the sponser company spending that money for slots on a news website thus just giving that money to another big company and having loud ass ad videos play audio in the corner of a screen with an 'X' mark so faint it's almost impossible to turn off without muting the tab while I'm trying to read about medieval wheelchairs.
The car salesman would probably not advertise the cars if it didn't help pay the bills and the youtuber would not advertsie the goofy ass adam and eve sponsership if it didn't help pay the bills also. anyway i love ad blocker. This rant is brought to you by: a mean comment left on a youtube channel about craft tutorials mad that she had a 30 second sponsor.
#basically: i hate ads but i will not give shit to anyone doing what they gotta do#my brother in christ we are in the same tax bracket#sara shush
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Buy and sell your car easily with a vehicles classified advertisement in newspapers!
#Vehicles advertisements#Vehicles ads in newspapers#Vehicles advertisement#Vehicles ad in newspaper online#ad Vehicles#ad for Vehicles#best newspaper for Vehicles ad#advertisement for sale of vehicle#car sale advertisement in newspaper
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Selling cars in the 70s was different.
#animated gif#animated gifs#gif#gifs#old advertisements#old ads#retro#vhs#70s#Cal Worthington#Tiger#elephant#white suit#car sales
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Your car spies on you and rats you out to insurance companies
I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me TOMORROW (Mar 13) in SAN FRANCISCO with ROBIN SLOAN, then Toronto, NYC, Anaheim, and more!
Another characteristically brilliant Kashmir Hill story for The New York Times reveals another characteristically terrible fact about modern life: your car secretly records fine-grained telemetry about your driving and sells it to data-brokers, who sell it to insurers, who use it as a pretext to gouge you on premiums:
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/11/technology/carmakers-driver-tracking-insurance.html
Almost every car manufacturer does this: Hyundai, Nissan, Ford, Chrysler, etc etc:
https://www.repairerdrivennews.com/2020/09/09/ford-state-farm-ford-metromile-honda-verisk-among-insurer-oem-telematics-connections/
This is true whether you own or lease the car, and it's separate from the "black box" your insurer might have offered to you in exchange for a discount on your premiums. In other words, even if you say no to the insurer's carrot – a surveillance-based discount – they've got a stick in reserve: buying your nonconsensually harvested data on the open market.
I've always hated that saying, "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product," the reason being that it posits decent treatment as a customer reward program, like the little ramekin warm nuts first class passengers get before takeoff. Companies don't treat you well when you pay them. Companies treat you well when they fear the consequences of treating you badly.
Take Apple. The company offers Ios users a one-tap opt-out from commercial surveillance, and more than 96% of users opted out. Presumably, the other 4% were either confused or on Facebook's payroll. Apple – and its army of cultists – insist that this proves that our world's woes can be traced to cheapskate "consumers" who expected to get something for nothing by using advertising-supported products.
But here's the kicker: right after Apple blocked all its rivals from spying on its customers, it began secretly spying on those customers! Apple has a rival surveillance ad network, and even if you opt out of commercial surveillance on your Iphone, Apple still secretly spies on you and uses the data to target you for ads:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar
Even if you're paying for the product, you're still the product – provided the company can get away with treating you as the product. Apple can absolutely get away with treating you as the product, because it lacks the historical constraints that prevented Apple – and other companies – from treating you as the product.
As I described in my McLuhan lecture on enshittification, tech firms can be constrained by four forces:
I. Competition
II. Regulation
III. Self-help
IV. Labor
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle/#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel
When companies have real competitors – when a sector is composed of dozens or hundreds of roughly evenly matched firms – they have to worry that a maltreated customer might move to a rival. 40 years of antitrust neglect means that corporations were able to buy their way to dominance with predatory mergers and pricing, producing today's inbred, Habsburg capitalism. Apple and Google are a mobile duopoly, Google is a search monopoly, etc. It's not just tech! Every sector looks like this:
https://www.openmarketsinstitute.org/learn/monopoly-by-the-numbers
Eliminating competition doesn't just deprive customers of alternatives, it also empowers corporations. Liberated from "wasteful competition," companies in concentrated industries can extract massive profits. Think of how both Apple and Google have "competitively" arrived at the same 30% app tax on app sales and transactions, a rate that's more than 1,000% higher than the transaction fees extracted by the (bloated, price-gouging) credit-card sector:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/07/curatorial-vig/#app-tax
But cartels' power goes beyond the size of their warchest. The real source of a cartel's power is the ease with which a small number of companies can arrive at – and stick to – a common lobbying position. That's where "regulatory capture" comes in: the mobile duopoly has an easier time of capturing its regulators because two companies have an easy time agreeing on how to spend their app-tax billions:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/
Apple – and Google, and Facebook, and your car company – can violate your privacy because they aren't constrained regulation, just as Uber can violate its drivers' labor rights and Amazon can violate your consumer rights. The tech cartels have captured their regulators and convinced them that the law doesn't apply if it's being broken via an app:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/18/cursed-are-the-sausagemakers/#how-the-parties-get-to-yes
In other words, Apple can spy on you because it's allowed to spy on you. America's last consumer privacy law was passed in 1988, and it bans video-store clerks from leaking your VHS rental history. Congress has taken no action on consumer privacy since the Reagan years:
https://www.eff.org/tags/video-privacy-protection-act
But tech has some special enshittification-resistant characteristics. The most important of these is interoperability: the fact that computers are universal digital machines that can run any program. HP can design a printer that rejects third-party ink and charge $10,000/gallon for its own colored water, but someone else can write a program that lets you jailbreak your printer so that it accepts any ink cartridge:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer
Tech companies that contemplated enshittifying their products always had to watch over their shoulders for a rival that might offer a disenshittification tool and use that as a wedge between the company and its customers. If you make your website's ads 20% more obnoxious in anticipation of a 2% increase in gross margins, you have to consider the possibility that 40% of your users will google "how do I block ads?" Because the revenue from a user who blocks ads doesn't stay at 100% of the current levels – it drops to zero, forever (no user ever googles "how do I stop blocking ads?").
The majority of web users are running an ad-blocker:
https://doc.searls.com/2023/11/11/how-is-the-worlds-biggest-boycott-doing/
Web operators made them an offer ("free website in exchange for unlimited surveillance and unfettered intrusions") and they made a counteroffer ("how about 'nah'?"):
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah
Here's the thing: reverse-engineering an app – or any other IP-encumbered technology – is a legal minefield. Just decompiling an app exposes you to felony prosecution: a five year sentence and a $500k fine for violating Section 1201 of the DMCA. But it's not just the DMCA – modern products are surrounded with high-tech tripwires that allow companies to invoke IP law to prevent competitors from augmenting, recongifuring or adapting their products. When a business says it has "IP," it means that it has arranged its legal affairs to allow it to invoke the power of the state to control its customers, critics and competitors:
https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/
An "app" is just a web-page skinned in enough IP to make it a crime to add an ad-blocker to it. This is what Jay Freeman calls "felony contempt of business model" and it's everywhere. When companies don't have to worry about users deploying self-help measures to disenshittify their products, they are freed from the constraint that prevents them indulging the impulse to shift value from their customers to themselves.
Apple owes its existence to interoperability – its ability to clone Microsoft Office's file formats for Pages, Numbers and Keynote, which saved the company in the early 2000s – and ever since, it has devoted its existence to making sure no one ever does to Apple what Apple did to Microsoft:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/adversarial-interoperability-reviving-elegant-weapon-more-civilized-age-slay
Regulatory capture cuts both ways: it's not just about powerful corporations being free to flout the law, it's also about their ability to enlist the law to punish competitors that might constrain their plans for exploiting their workers, customers, suppliers or other stakeholders.
The final historical constraint on tech companies was their own workers. Tech has very low union-density, but that's in part because individual tech workers enjoyed so much bargaining power due to their scarcity. This is why their bosses pampered them with whimsical campuses filled with gourmet cafeterias, fancy gyms and free massages: it allowed tech companies to convince tech workers to work like government mules by flattering them that they were partners on a mission to bring the world to its digital future:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/10/the-proletarianization-of-tech-workers/
For tech bosses, this gambit worked well, but failed badly. On the one hand, they were able to get otherwise powerful workers to consent to being "extremely hardcore" by invoking Fobazi Ettarh's spirit of "vocational awe":
https://www.inthelibrarywiththeleadpipe.org/2018/vocational-awe/
On the other hand, when you motivate your workers by appealing to their sense of mission, the downside is that they feel a sense of mission. That means that when you demand that a tech worker enshittifies something they missed their mother's funeral to deliver, they will experience a profound sense of moral injury and refuse, and that worker's bargaining power means that they can make it stick.
Or at least, it did. In this era of mass tech layoffs, when Google can fire 12,000 workers after a $80b stock buyback that would have paid their wages for the next 27 years, tech workers are learning that the answer to "I won't do this and you can't make me" is "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out" (AKA "sharpen your blades boys"):
https://techcrunch.com/2022/09/29/elon-musk-texts-discovery-twitter/
With competition, regulation, self-help and labor cleared away, tech firms – and firms that have wrapped their products around the pluripotently malleable core of digital tech, including automotive makers – are no longer constrained from enshittifying their products.
And that's why your car manufacturer has chosen to spy on you and sell your private information to data-brokers and anyone else who wants it. Not because you didn't pay for the product, so you're the product. It's because they can get away with it.
Cars are enshittified. The dozens of chips that auto makers have shoveled into their car design are only incidentally related to delivering a better product. The primary use for those chips is autoenshittification – access to legal strictures ("IP") that allows them to block modifications and repairs that would interfere with the unfettered abuse of their own customers:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon
The fact that it's a felony to reverse-engineer and modify a car's software opens the floodgates to all kinds of shitty scams. Remember when Bay Staters were voting on a ballot measure to impose right-to-repair obligations on automakers in Massachusetts? The only reason they needed to have the law intervene to make right-to-repair viable is that Big Car has figured out that if it encrypts its diagnostic messages, it can felonize third-party diagnosis of a car, because decrypting the messages violates the DMCA:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2013/11/drm-cars-will-drive-consumers-crazy
Big Car figured out that VIN locking – DRM for engine components and subassemblies – can felonize the production and the installation of third-party spare parts:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/
The fact that you can't legally modify your car means that automakers can go back to their pre-2008 ways, when they transformed themselves into unregulated banks that incidentally manufactured the cars they sold subprime loans for. Subprime auto loans – over $1t worth! – absolutely relies on the fact that borrowers' cars can be remotely controlled by lenders. Miss a payment and your car's stereo turns itself on and blares threatening messages at top volume, which you can't turn off. Break the lease agreement that says you won't drive your car over the county line and it will immobilize itself. Try to change any of this software and you'll commit a felony under Section 1201 of the DMCA:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/02/innovation-unlocks-markets/#digital-arm-breakers
Tesla, naturally, has the most advanced anti-features. Long before BMW tried to rent you your seat-heater and Mercedes tried to sell you a monthly subscription to your accelerator pedal, Teslas were demon-haunted nightmare cars. Miss a Tesla payment and the car will immobilize itself and lock you out until the repo man arrives, then it will blare its horn and back itself out of its parking spot. If you "buy" the right to fully charge your car's battery or use the features it came with, you don't own them – they're repossessed when your car changes hands, meaning you get less money on the used market because your car's next owner has to buy these features all over again:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world
And all this DRM allows your car maker to install spyware that you're not allowed to remove. They really tipped their hand on this when the R2R ballot measure was steaming towards an 80% victory, with wall-to-wall scare ads that revealed that your car collects so much information about you that allowing third parties to access it could lead to your murder (no, really!):
https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms
That's why your car spies on you. Because it can. Because the company that made it lacks constraint, be it market-based, legal, technological or its own workforce's ethics.
One common critique of my enshittification hypothesis is that this is "kind of sensible and normal" because "there’s something off in the consumer mindset that we’ve come to believe that the internet should provide us with amazing products, which bring us joy and happiness and we spend hours of the day on, and should ask nothing back in return":
https://freakonomics.com/podcast/how-to-have-great-conversations/
What this criticism misses is that this isn't the companies bargaining to shift some value from us to them. Enshittification happens when a company can seize all that value, without having to bargain, exploiting law and technology and market power over buyers and sellers to unilaterally alter the way the products and services we rely on work.
A company that doesn't have to fear competitors, regulators, jailbreaking or workers' refusal to enshittify its products doesn't have to bargain, it can take. It's the first lesson they teach you in the Darth Vader MBA: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further":
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure
Your car spying on you isn't down to your belief that your carmaker "should provide you with amazing products, which brings your joy and happiness you spend hours of the day on, and should ask nothing back in return." It's not because you didn't pay for the product, so now you're the product. It's because they can get away with it.
The consequences of this spying go much further than mere insurance premium hikes, too. Car telemetry sits at the top of the funnel that the unbelievably sleazy data broker industry uses to collect and sell our data. These are the same companies that sell the fact that you visited an abortion clinic to marketers, bounty hunters, advertisers, or vengeful family members pretending to be one of those:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/07/safegraph-spies-and-lies/#theres-no-i-in-uterus
Decades of pro-monopoly policy led to widespread regulatory capture. Corporate cartels use the monopoly profits they extract from us to pay for regulatory inaction, allowing them to extract more profits.
But when it comes to privacy, that period of unchecked corporate power might be coming to an end. The lack of privacy regulation is at the root of so many problems that a pro-privacy movement has an unstoppable constituency working in its favor.
At EFF, we call this "privacy first." Whether you're worried about grifters targeting vulnerable people with conspiracy theories, or teens being targeted with media that harms their mental health, or Americans being spied on by foreign governments, or cops using commercial surveillance data to round up protesters, or your car selling your data to insurance companies, passing that long-overdue privacy legislation would turn off the taps for the data powering all these harms:
https://www.eff.org/wp/privacy-first-better-way-address-online-harms
Traditional economics fails because it thinks about markets without thinking about power. Monopolies lead to more than market power: they produce regulatory capture, power over workers, and state capture, which felonizes competition through IP law. The story that our problems stem from the fact that we just don't spend enough money, or buy the wrong products, only makes sense if you willfully ignore the power that corporations exert over our lives. It's nice to think that you can shop your way out of a monopoly, because that's a lot easier than voting your way out of a monopoly, but no matter how many times you vote with your wallet, the cartels that control the market will always win:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/05/the-map-is-not-the-territory/#apor-locksmith
Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/12/market-failure/#car-wars
Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg
CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
#pluralistic#if you're not paying for the product you're the product#if you're paying for the product you're the product#cars#automotive#enshittification#technofeudalism#autoenshittification#antifeatures#felony contempt of business model#twiddling#right to repair#privacywashing#apple#lexisnexis#insuretech#surveillance#commercial surveillance#privacy first#data brokers#subprime#kash hill#kashmir hill
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Which one do you want?
Just off a quiet highway somewhere in the Midwest, you might see James advertising my new product. He used to own this car dealership with his wife, but she's long gone. James hasn't thought about her since I pulled out my pendulum and put him in a trance. He just spends his days standing on the side of the road holding up that sign like I told him to.
You can see I marked him at 40 bucks, which is well over what he's worth, but I like to keep him around to advertise and flag down potential customers. His abs are visible even in the rain, and the neon underwear I put him in is sure to catch every driver's eye.
If you pull into my dealership, I'd be happy to show you my selection you can choose from...
Tyler, here, used to be my brother-in-law, but my sister dumped him real fast after she found the guy was a cheater. Since, he wasn't family anymore, I had no reason not to hypnotize every thought out of his head.
She has no idea I did this to her ex, but it won't hurt to have Tyler out of the picture for good. I like to give him a little punch in the gut every time I pass. It's my form of ongoing payback. He only ever reacts with a stifled groan since his mind is mush, but it's still cathartic to see him in pain.
Tyler will probably go fast since he's so traditionally handsome, but the vengeful part of me hopes a more sadistic client will take him off my hands.
Next is Caesar. This guy used to work at the auto garage next door, but when I saw him I knew I had to have him. He put on a real tough guy act when I introduced myself, but a pudgy working man like him should act accordingly in my opinion.
After introducing his gaze to my pendulum, he practically fell into my arms. I had my fun warping Ceasar's personality to be more like that of a submissive dog, but even that got a bit old. Sure, I made him love and cuddle me like the perfect partner, but he tracked mud everywhere and he always seemed to stink.
I hope whoever pays for him doesn't mind always telling the oaf to hose himself down every once in awhile. I suppose they could just use Ceasar for the cheap manual labor and just forget about his hygiene entirely.
This is Mike. He's a real piece of trash. I caught him trying to steal one of my cars in the middle of the night. He sure was shocked when my army of hypnotized hunks ran out and apprehended him, per my command.
He might look mean, but trust me, Mike's been thoroughly hypnotized and broken in just like every other dude on this lot. He wouldn't be standing there holding that 'For Sale' sign all day if he weren't!
Now, I know that his lack of hair might be a turn off for a lot of folks, so I'm willing to go down on the price. 20 dollars is already pretty low, but I want to make sure you all can afford your own hypnotized hunk. It's not like it's too difficult for me to go out and find a couple more idiots to fill their place. Hell, if you really need it, I might sell you a guy for a dollar!
This boy in blue is Lt. O'Riley. I don't know what his full name is. I'm just going off what it says on his badge. Now, I know that hypnotizing an officer of the law is risky, but O'Riley was being a real pain in my neck, always poking his nose in my business.
I hypnotized his partner too.
I think that guy's name was Brooks or something, but he was real ugly. I would've never been able to sell his fat ass, so I had him hand over his police uniform and turned him into my handyman, who's meant to be neither seen nor heard. He wears an old pair of dirty coveralls now and takes care of all the maintenance work. He's probably off scrubbing my housing from top to bottom right now since it's the middle of the day.
You could do that to officer O'Riley too, if you want, or maybe you keep that precious uniform on him. It's up to you.
This last guy is Don, and I know what you're going to say! I'm a little light on product at the moment, but don't worry.
I'm planning on driving into town real soon and restocking. Maybe I'll grab a few more officers this time. The police department is right down the street from that Halloween store. I could grab a couple more cops and put them in some stupid costumes.
Customers love a themed product, right?
Anyways, Don here didn't do anything to piss me off. He actually stopped in after seeing the sign. He wanted to purchase one of my brainless studs and pimp him out to all his friends for cheap cash. I liked the idea, but Don was far too handsome to just walk off my lot.
I offered to give him a tutorial of my hypnosis, and the guy naively agreed. His car has been collecting dust in the back ever since, and he's been added into the lineup of hot men standing for sale.
So, please come by if you're interested in taking any of these guys on a test drive! Let me know which one sparks your interest!
No need to be nervous.....unless you're a handsome man yourself. Then I might just have to use my pendulum on you!
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Simon "Ghost" Riley x plus-sized reader
Description: Car for sale. Serious offers only.
Note: F!reader, allusion to stalking at the end.
Simon had never been fussed with his car. He hardly used it. Over time the missions he went on got longer and longer. The breaks in between shorter and shorter. So why keep it? It was a decent car - low kilometres, the interior mostly still intact despite its age and a presentable exterior. He'd written a short description and uploaded the grainy, too-far zoomed-in images which are halfway covered by Simon's finger. The asking price only being $2500. A quick and easy sell.
A call from Price whisks him away to another far longer-than-preferred mission. Simon promptly forgot about the advertisement until the dust had settled and he was on his way home. He wades through various offers and spam bots, turning his nose up at everyone but one. You.
Your profile says too much about you. You're an open book to him, even through the small pixilated screen. Your gorgeous smile, pretty eyes, soft and round body just begging to be touched by his hands. Your response to the ad was simple and sweet.
Hello! Hope you're doing well. I was wondering if your car was still available?
You had only sent the message a few days ago. He knows he has to act quickly to reel you in. He shoots you a reply - short and sharp. He sends you his address and a time for you to meet. And you. Sweet, innocent you. Happily accepts.
The afternoon couldn't come quicker. It had been months since he had a sweet soft thing in his hands. Pliable. Mouldable. Beautiful. You stand on his doorstep, hand half raised to knock on the door when he opens it. You look even better in real life. He's tall enough to look down at you, eyes immediately drawn to your cleavage. He doesn't linger for too long, instead opting to inspect the rest of you as you happily chatter away. An ass that would fit in his hands plus some. Good for sharing - his mind wanders to Johnny. He'd be able to appreciate you in all your glory. A thought for later.
He turns his attention to the words that spill for your delicious looking lips. "I've been going through a rough patch. So, I was wondering if the price is negotiable..." you innocently ask. Simon tilts his head at you. Poor thing. Down on your luck and desperate. Big wide eyes basically begging him to knock a decent amount of money off the final price.
"No." Simon barks out. He didn't need the money, didn't even want it. But. He wanted to see you beg. Squirm under his harsh gaze. You shift uneasily and bite those pretty lips. "Can I take it for a drive first?" you ask tentatively. Simon shakes his head, "You either take it or leave it.".
You nod quickly, "I..I'll take it." you stammer out. Simon lets out an approving hum, taking the money you practically throw at him. He doesn't either bother to count it, letting you walk away. Soft, grabbable hips swaying and the gentle breeze causes your dress to flutter around you. He's eyes immediately locking on to the back of your tantalising thighs. Thighs he can't wait to have wrapped around his head as he indulges in you. What was that one saying? He hates to let you leave but loves to watch you go.
He watches you bend over as you adjust the driver's seat to your liking. Your dress riding up just enough to show the edges of you lace panties. Pretty girl - wore them just for him.
You get into his car, flashing him a timid smile before making a quick escape. What you failed to notice and he failed to mention was the incredibly small tracker he had implanted deep within the guts of the car. A little treasure hidden away in a place your pretty mind wouldn't think to look. It's little trinket Laswell gifted him.
After all, he wants to keep an eye on you his property.
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Does this makes sense? Hopefully. Drink water and stay gorgeous you beautiful souls. Mwah xx
#simon ghost riley cod#cod mwii#cod mw3#cod modern warfare#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#call of duty
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Tarot Cards as Professions
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Major Arcanas:
The Fool: Work with abroad, connections with imports, language teacher, multinationals, entrepreneur, intern, college student, art major.
The Magician: Entrepreneur, job that needs skill with the hands (acupuncture, hairdresser, artisan), actor, salesperson, influencer.
The High Priestess: Education, especially children, nutrition, psychology, cook, housewife, food engineering, toy factory, fortuneteller, spiritual advisor, librarian.
The Empress: Management, business administration, foreign trade, secretariat, translation, decoration, stay-at-home mom, model, cook, farmer.
The Emperor: Business administration, work related to areas of technological innovation, the military or sportsmen, CEO, tycoon.
The Hierophant: Philanthropic areas, ONGs, religious work, social work, diplomacy, and a degree, journalism, writer, editor, priest, spiritual guru, politician.
The Lovers: Sales area in any sector, tourism, theater, advertising, the arts in general, porn star, stripper, masseuse.
The Chariot: Activities related to transport, cars, the latest technology, chauffeur, mechanic, athlete.
Strength: Aesthetics, physical education and various body therapies, medicine, zoologist.
The Hermit: Teacher, writer, doctor, antique dealer, restorer, librarian, gardener.
Wheel of Fortune: Financial market, exchange offices, casinos, lottery houses, stock exchanges, and areas related to public relations, hospitality, game show host.
Justice: Public jobs, won through competitions, politics, police, with government positions, in the diplomatic area, law, insurance company worker.
The Hanged Man: Nurse, auditor, inspector, porter, secretariat, general assistants, yoga instructor, prison guard, philanthropist.
Death: Doctor, farmer, geologist, business administrator, gardener, accountant, assassin, death row executioner, surgeon.
Temperance: Working with liquids in general or with what is transported in liquid form such as alcoholic beverages, medicines, juices. chemist, chef, food critic, regional or even international traffic.
The Devil: Does not limit the individual to a professional wing, so he can also go to extremes for the desire he has, such as landlord, drug lord, sex trafficker.
The Tower: Social assistance, humanitarian aid, medicine, firefighter, police officer, construction worker.
The Star: Music, painting, sculpture, poetry, cinema, makeup artist, dressmaker, beautician, agent, promoter, sound artist, astronomer, harpist, dealer, meteorologist.
The Moon: Oceanographers, sailors, fishermen, owners of bars and restaurants or nightclubs, artists in general, medium, hypnotist, psychiatrist.
The Sun: Motivational speaker, entertainer, comedian, social relationships, work with the public, artist in general, member of society.
Judgment: Work done at home, connection with the law, lawyer, judge, work with disabled or people excluded from society, social assistance, board member, executive producer, director.
The World: Pharmacist, massage therapist, scientist, teacher, community leader, religious leader or priest, fashion designer, makeup artist, interior decorator.
Wands:
Creative industries such as advertising, marketing, and graphic design.
Entrepreneurship and starting your own business.
Athletics, sports coaching, or physical training.
Outdoor jobs like park ranger or tour guide.
Event planning or organizing.
Firefighters or rescue workers.
Ace of Wands: Entrepreneur, startup founder, motivational speaker, fitness coach, personal trainer.
Two of Wands: Business strategist, project manager, travel agent, international consultant, import/export specialist.
Three of Wands: Sales representative, marketing manager, e-commerce entrepreneur, market researcher, international trade coordinator.
Four of Wands: Event planner, wedding coordinator, party organizer, festival manager, hospitality industry professional.
Five of Wands: Conflict resolution specialist, mediator, lawyer, debate coach, competitive sports coach.
Six of Wands: Public relations manager, spokesperson, social media influencer, motivational speaker, winning athlete.
Seven of Wands: Defense attorney, human rights activist, political campaigner, advocate, civil liberties lawyer.
Eight of Wands: Courier, delivery driver, airline pilot, travel blogger, expedition guide.
Nine of Wands: Security guard, bodyguard, soldier, endurance athlete, self-defense instructor.
Ten of Wands: Overworked entrepreneur, project manager, event organizer, professional organizer, heavy equipment operator.
Page of Wands: Assistant in a creative field, aspiring artist, intern in a startup, social media coordinator, apprentice.
Knight of Wands: Travel journalist, adventure tour guide, professional athlete, race car driver, stunt performer.
Queen of Wands: CEO, business owner, charismatic leader, life coach, influential speaker.
King of Wands: Executive manager, entrepreneur, leadership coach, consultant, director of a creative agency.
Cups:
Counseling, therapy, or social work.
Hospitality industry, including restaurant management and bartending.
Wedding planner or event coordinator.
Artistic fields like poetry, writing, or acting.
Healing professions such as nursing or holistic therapy.
Psychologist or counselor specializing in emotions and relationships.
Ace of Cups: Therapist, counselor, social worker, holistic healer, emotional support specialist.
Two of Cups: Marriage counselor, matchmaker, relationship coach, wedding planner, love psychic.
Three of Cups: Event organizer, party planner, celebratory event coordinator, community organizer.
Four of Cups: Meditation teacher, mindfulness coach, spiritual counselor, psychologist, therapist.
Five of Cups: Grief counselor, trauma therapist, hospice worker, emotional healing practitioner, bereavement support.
Six of Cups: Child psychologist, teacher, daycare worker, children's book author, pediatric nurse.
Seven of Cups: Creative writer, fantasy novelist, imaginative artist, dream analyst, visionary.
Eight of Cups: Travel blogger, adventure seeker, spiritual pilgrim, explorer, wanderlust photographer.
Nine of Cups: Life coach, happiness consultant, gratitude coach, self-help author, wellness retreat organizer.
Ten of Cups: Family therapist, marriage and family counselor, foster care advocate, wedding planner, family mediator.
Page of Cups: Creative writer, artist in training, intuitive healer, aspiring therapist, dream interpreter.
Knight of Cups: Actor, romantic poet, musician, art therapist, love and relationship coach.
Queen of Cups: Psychic reader, intuitive healer, counselor, compassionate caregiver, therapist.
King of Cups: Therapist, counselor, intuitive mentor, emotional intelligence trainer, psychologist.
Swords:
Legal professions like lawyers, judges, or law enforcement officers.
Journalists, reporters, or investigators.
IT specialists, computer programmers, or hackers.
Teachers or professors specializing in critical thinking or philosophy.
Military or defense-related careers.
Strategic planners or analysts.
Ace of Swords: Lawyer, judge, legal consultant, investigative journalist, strategic planner.
Two of Swords: Mediator, conflict resolution specialist, negotiator, diplomat, relationship counselor.
Three of Swords: Divorce lawyer, grief counselor, trauma therapist, emotional healer, heart surgeon.
Four of Swords: Rest and relaxation specialist, meditation teacher, spiritual retreat organizer, yoga instructor.
Five of Swords: Military strategist, competitive sports coach, lawyer specializing in litigation, debate coach.
Six of Swords: Travel agent, relocation consultant, therapist specializing in transitions, boat captain.
Seven of Swords: Private investigator, spy, intelligence analyst, cybersecurity expert, undercover agent.
Eight of Swords: Social justice lawyer, human rights advocate, disability rights activist, therapist specializing in limiting beliefs.
Nine of Swords: Insomnia specialist, anxiety therapist, nightmare counselor, sleep coach, mental health counselor.
Ten of Swords: Surgeon, coroner, forensic scientist, mortician, grief counselor.
Page of Swords: Researcher, journalist, fact-checker, apprentice in a legal field, investigative reporter.
Knight of Swords: Military officer, police officer, attorney, competitive fencer, conflict resolution specialist.
Queen of Swords: Judge, lawyer, critic, journalist, literary agent.
King of Swords: Judge, attorney, CEO, strategist, military general.
Pentacles:
Financial advisors or investment bankers.
Real estate agents or property developers.
Agriculture, farming, or gardening.
Architects, builders, or construction workers.
Conservationists or environmentalists.
Accountants or bookkeepers.
Ace of Pentacles: Financial advisor, investment banker, wealth manager, entrepreneur, luxury goods retailer.
Two of Pentacles: Financial analyst, accountant, bookkeeper, event planner, stock trader.
Three of Pentacles: Architect, contractor, project manager, teamwork facilitator, craftsman.
Four of Pentacles: Wealth manager, investor, financial planner, asset protection specialist, treasurer.
Five of Pentacles: Social worker, philanthropist, charity organizer, financial counselor, volunteer.
Six of Pentacles: Philanthropist, humanitarian worker, non-profit manager, social worker, charitable fundraiser.
Seven of Pentacles: Gardener, farmer, agricultural consultant, sustainability expert, botanist.
Eight of Pentacles: Craftsperson, artisan, apprentice, skilled tradesperson, technical trainer.
Nine of Pentacles: Luxury brand manager, independent business owner, successful entrepreneur, vineyard owner, art collector.
Ten of Pentacles: Real estate developer, property investor, family business owner, generational wealth manager, financial advisor.
Page of Pentacles: Intern, student, apprentice in a practical field, aspiring entrepreneur, entry-level employee.
Knight of Pentacles: Accountant, financial planner, farmer, skilled tradesperson, meticulous worker.
Queen of Pentacles: CEO, business owner, property developer, hospitality industry entrepreneur, financial advisor.
King of Pentacles: CEO, business mogul, successful investor, high-level executive, financial consultant.
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