#addie is a sorority girl

[prophetofthesun]

is it so wrong to draw modern AU fanart of my own comic?

[college-girls-blog]

Addie Fisher & Julia Moses

University of Tennessee, Knoxville (UTK)

Kappa Delta

[headinthxclouds]

Our First Fight

Addie and Jeb have their first big blow out and the rest of the gang has to pretend they’re surprised.

“It’ll be fun I promise.”  

And it was fun once they actually got to the formal, but the lead up had been awful. Having to scramble to get ready because Addie had actually thought Jeb was kidding when he asked. Neither of them screamed ‘formal’ people but it was his first one. The first real thing he got to do that wasn’t a regular party since initiation and he had looked at her with those stupid eyes of his and there was no way that Addie was going to say no. So, she had shoved away her pride and asked Noelle to borrow a dress and the other girls help her get ready. Lord knows she was not equipped to get herself ready. 

Luckily Akarai would be there too and Noelle and Lydia’s sorority was throwing their formal the same night so all of the girls had gotten ready at the sorority house. “You know for someone who is about to look like a total knockout, I don’t know why you look like you’re being walked to the gallows.” Lydia had pointed out as she finished up Addie’s hair. Addie had shrugged it off as nerves but it was more than that. She missed her nights or days with just her and Jeb. Recently it had been event after event or big parties or study groups or group meals. She knew the others would go out on dates, she saw it on social media. Jeb hadn’t seemed to get the hint. It was partly her fault, she hadn’t ever said anything to him explicitly, but also didn’t want to. Why did she have to spell everything out?

Noelle had put her a midnight blue dress that showed off the little curves Addie had perfectly and done her makeup so she was glowing. Jeb had every reason to be blown away when he had seen her, but neither of them had expected Tyler and Elliott, walking up as they were leaving, to comment on it. Addie had blushed and told them to shut up, she barely noticed that Jeb’s hold on her hand got tighter but once the other boys were inside, he had kissed her in a way that was almost possessive. “We don’t have to go to the formal.” She had teased him, but obviously they had gone and Addie just stared up at him on the dance floor. 

Jeb was looking around, people watching but he could feel Addie’s eyes on him. “Not as painful as you thought it was going to be right?” She had to roll her eyes. “I didn’t think it was going to be painful, I just didn’t really think this was my scene.” “Well it’s not mine either.” which Addie had to laugh. “I think it is now, babe, but it’s okay you clean up nice.” Jeb spun her around and in to him, holding her tight. “You look absolutely beautiful.” and Addie believed him, letting him kiss her as he had outside the sorority earlier in the night, thinking maybe she had been overreacting.

The rest of the night flew by in laughs, kisses and snuck drinks. By the time, the two fell into Addie’s bed they were both wiped out, but neither felt like going to sleep. So after they finished attempting to completely wear the other out, they curled up together, listening to the other breathing in the darkness. “Thanks for coming with me tonight.” Jeb whispered into Addie’s hair, “I know it wasn’t your thing.” Addie kissed wherever she could reach on Jeb, “It was important to you. And it was fun… but maybe tomorrow we can just do our thing?” Jeb nodded. “Just us?” Addie emphasized, but the slow breathing and the loosening of his hand on her arm just told her he hadn’t heard that last bit and Addie drifted off to sleep shortly after. 

The sun seemed to come up earlier than either of them would have preferred, but once it was up so were they. “If I don’t get coffee, pancakes and bacon right now I’m going to die.” Addie groaned, rolling back onto Jeb’s chest where it felt like she had just fallen asleep moments earlier. “Then you’re going to have to get off of me.” Jeb pointed out, not making any effort to move or move Addie. A few kisses and Jeb rolled Addie off and rolled out of bed. The two made quick work of showering and heading into the campus town for breakfast. 

Addie was optimistic. Maybe she had been projecting all of her nerves about the formal onto Jeb. He was clearly obsessed with her and he had promised today could be about them. Maybe, once they had some food in them, they could finally go take a hike around the lake like they had been talking about now that the weather had started to warm up. There was plenty of midterm studying to do, but a few hours of fresh air would actually probably be good for them. 

The day was perfect and it made her even more excited to be out with Jeb for the day. “We could finally go on a hike after breakfast? I doubt anyone will really be out by the lake today with it being the day after all the events being last night?” They both needed to study for midterms but Addie needed the time with Jeb more. He squeezed her hand. “That sounds perfect.” He agreed. Addie let out a sigh of relief. She was going to get her day and they would be right back on track. 

The two entered the local townie diner. It was always packed, but Addie’s prediction seemed to be correct. Most people were laying low. Except for a four top that was full of a group that rarely emerged before noon on a weekend. Noelle and Kai on one side, with Lydia and Ty on the other. Addie held back a grown as they were waved over and the boys added two tables. Addie sat down next to Lydia, across from Jeb. It was just breakfast, honestly it would be nice to hear their gossip from the night before while it was still fresh. 

Thankfully there was plenty so the two were able to keep prying questions about their own night away.  “What are you guys up to the rest of the day?” Lydia asked as they were finishing up final cups of coffees. “Jeb jumped before she had the chance. “We were actually going to go take a hike. Do you guys want to come?” He was like a little puppy just so excited to spend time with as many loved ones as possible. Addie shot a look at Noelle, pleading her to decline which she did with barely a glance at Addie. “No, we’ve been doing a lot of that lately I think we’re just going to study and chill today.” Noelle shot a look at Tyler for good measure who nodded in agreement. Addie let out a small sigh of relief.

It was short lived. “Babe.. they have a point.” He had clearly forgotten about midterms like Addie had guessed and Noelle’s attempt to save her had backed her into a corner. “I know but it won’t be all day. We can study after.” Tyler, bless his soul, picked up right where Addie had left off. “Yeah she’s in good shape! The hike will probably help focus anyway.” It was a little patronizing, feeling like she needed to get permission for the day but she knew he meant well so she let it go. 

Jeb shot a look at Tyler and essentially ignored him. Yeah but don’t you have your English one due first? That’’s going to take you forever.” Addie bristled. “I know how long it’s going to take me.” She had had a learning disability her whole life, she didn’t love being reminded of it like a child. Jeb sighed, “I’m just saying that-” 

“Fine!” Addie cut him off and took the napkin out of her lap, throwing it on the table. “We’ll go study with everyone today that’s fine. I’ll be right back.” Addie, as gracefully as possible, pushed herself off the diner stool and stormed off to the bathroom. The door slammed behind her.

“Dude…” Kai let out a low whistle incase Jeb wasn’t aware that he hadn’t handled the situation well. “Well what the fuck did I do?” He asked, looking back towards the bathroom door that Addie had stormed through. “We just had this whole night together and it was great did I miss something?” All the men at the table turned towards the girls. Finally it was Noelle, of all of them, to speak. “I think.. I think maybe last night was pretty nerve inducing for her and she just wants some normalcy.”  Addie and Noelle weren’t the same, by any stretch of the imagination, but Noelle had been able to feel her nerves and how they had stretched beyond just the night. She knew the feelings of self doubt deeper than she ever would care to admit and she would be damned if anyone - especially a man - was going to cause Addie any more of those feelings than she had on the day to day. 

“What could be normal than this?” Jeb asked, gesturing to the table with all of the friends. No one said anything. Addie didn’t have to voice her concerns for it to be blatant to all of their older friends. Everyone knew everyone’s schedules and they all knew that Addie and Jebs were pretty group centric. “Maybe she wanted some normalcy with just you?” Tyler offered, pretending like Addie hadn’t let slip a frustration earlier in the week. “I mean you guys are really busy all the time?” Jeb probably could have taken that advice from anyone else at the table, but Addie and Tyler had a special bond that he barely understood. He didn’t look to Lydia to be a surrogate sister? Any free time Addie had that was not studying (with Tyler), working, going to class or being with the group went to training with Ty and Elliott. Now, Addie would argue that wasn’t free time, but Jeb’s jealousy couldn’t see that. “Yeah? And whose fault is that? Every free moment she has shes with the two of you ‘training.’ Don’t know why that takes as long as it does every time. It’s weird.” The words had just spilled out of him like vomit and even though he hadn’t said everything he sometimes thought, he said enough. Neither older boy responded because, in a true study of bad timing, Addie had returned and was standing behind Jeb. 

“If you have something you’d like to say, please. Say it.” It was so rage fueled yet collected that Noelle would have stood up and applauded if the situation had not been so uncomfortable. Addie was much more observant than Noelle had ever given her credit for. Lydia held her breath while Tyler looked like he was going to strangle Jeb. Kai just shook his head wondering how he could have so spectacularly failed his younger brother in the ways of dating. Addie stared at Jeb. Tears were threatening, but she absolutely refused to show anyone her crying, especially over a boy. She grabbed her wallet and phone. “Venmo me for the food.” Everyone nodded with not a single intention on actually following through on that request as Addie turned on a heel and walked out of the diner. “Shit. Addie, wait.” Jeb practically knocked his chair over 

Addie did not wait. She would fight with Jeb all day, but she wasn’t going to do it in front of all of their friends and the strangers at their favorite diner. “Addie!” Jeb called again, but Addie kept walking, wanting to be out of sight of their friends windows before losing her temper. Finally she stopped and wheeled around on her boyfriend who almost slammed into her. Like he hadn’t actually expected her to stop. “What? What could you possibly have to say?” Where Noelle’s rage was cold and calculated, Addie’s was fiery and uncontrolled. She had an incredibly impressive temper and little regard for who stood in her way when it was activated. 

Jeb had never had that tempter wielded at him and the look in her face took him a back. Not hatred, never hatred, but a combination of anger and deep hurt. He tried to get his words out. “I shouldn’t have said.. I just meant you three just..” Addie cut him off. “You just accused me, in front of everyone, of cheating on you with not one but two of our best friends with no problem so please spit it out.” 

“I never said that” 

“Don’t play games, I’m not stupid.” Addie’s temper flared a but causing some leaves to flutter off the trees around them. Back in the diner Addie could practically feel Tyler tense. She just prayed he stayed put because she couldn’t think of anything that would make the situation worse. “You knew exactly what you meant even if you didn’t say it.” The insult on her intelligence was not helping the situation and Jeb could actually feel himself sinking into the hole he was digging for himself, but he couldn't stop. If she was going to get all mad and defensive so was he. “Well you are always with one of them, even in your free time you’re with them not me. It’s weird. You don’t see any of the other girls doing that or me spending every waking moment with Akari.” 

“THEY’RE MY FRIENDS!” Addie yelled. That was a weak word, those two were her brothers as much as Rhody. And had the first few times she had spent time with Elliott, had her brain turned to mush? Had her heart pounded and she had actually felt shy? Sure. But none of it had ever been reciprocated seriously and absolutely none of it compared to how Jeb made her feel. “And the girls don’t think it’s weird because their boyfriends make sure that they have quality time so that they can all hang out and no one is jealous.” Another rustle of the trees and Addie took a breath. The worst thing she could do, especially if she wanted to win this fight, was be angry and out of control.” “I have been practically begging you to to spend time with just me for weeks. Last night you promised we’d have a day and now the group wants to have a study party and you’d rather do that and I get pushed to the side?” Addie took another breath. “So I find it weird that you should be so concerned with who I train and study with when you fill my free time with everybody but you.” 

The silence that hung in the air after was thick. While there was a relief that she had laid it all out, Addie almost immediately braced herself for a break up. Maybe the reason she feared was why he hadn’t wanted to spend time with her was real and she had just given him an easy pass to admit it. But Jeb was just staring at her in shock. To be fair, while she had a temper, she had been pretty calm during the school year. Being the odd duck out and feeling unsure had kind of masked the quick anger. But it was back and part of it almost felt like a relief. Like she could still be her old self with the new people in her life and grateful she hadn’t lost the grit that made her her. 

Whatever Jeb fired back at her she could take. 

But what Jeb came up with was just pre disbelief and confusion. “I’m.. But I’m with you every day.” And most nights as well. Addie was the best part of the nights and the best part of any day for him, no matter who was there. He wouldn't want to experience any of their day to day without Addie. He had, wrongly he realized, assumed that they would want to spend their days the same. “You’re with me and everyone else every day.” Addie corrected him. “I just.. I miss my boyfriend… and that boyfriend either doesn’t miss me or… actually and slash or..doesn’t trust me.” Jeb winced. He had never thought that Addie would actually cheat on him, but if she was he knew it would be with one of them. He wasn’t stupid either and the whole thing made him extra on edge. 

Unfortunately again for Jeb, Addie took his silence as agreement. “Yeah.. so maybe you take some time to figure out the answer to those questions and whenever you do, you know where to find me.” The absolute smalled, sleepiest, faintest angel on her shoulder woke up to stop her from tacking on ‘with Elliott’ to the end of her sentence. She just instead turned back to the campus and started her walk back to the dorm. “Addie can you just wait?” Jeb’s thoughts weren’t straight but he did know he didn’t want her to walk away in any way. “Seriously just figure it out” She called back without turning around. The tears were threatening to spill over now that she was walking away and couldn’t look at Jeb any more. 

The diner door opened almost instantly with Kai, Tyler and Noelle tumbling out of it. “Dude!” Tyler smacked Kai in the back of the head. “I slipped. Kai hissed while Noelle ignored both of them and went over to place a hand on Jeb’s shoulder. “That was rough.” but she gave him the smallest reassuring squeeze before heading off after Addie in a way that somehow didn’t give away that they all had heard what had happened.

Jeb turned around with a groan at the older boys behind him. “I don’t want to hear it. He said quietly trying to fish some money out to cover breakfast and escape to somewhere alone. “Neither did we” Tyler pointed out, earning an elbow in the ribs from Kai. “Are you okay?” Kai asked the red head. Jeb couldn’t even answer as he handed over a wad of whatever money he had. “That was fucked.” Tyler pointing out, not bothering to hide the hint of anger in his voice. He pocketed the money and went to catch up with Noelle in hopes that shed would approve him going to talk with Addie too. 

Kai watched them go off with a few choice thoughts of his own, but pushed them aside to focus on his brother. “Dude…” There was plenty more to his speech, but he couldn’t get it out before Jeb was walking away from him with a shake of his head. He needed the foreseeable future to try and figure out he had screwed up so spectacularly.

[meinemung]

It was a dark and muggy night at the frat castle, a stately red brick building surrounding by ancient live oaks and a lawn littered with beer cups. The campus is semi-deserted as it’s the night before a long weekend.

Three college-aged boys, close friends, are in the common area doing bro things. Basically drinking beer and talkin’ sportsball. Close friends since they met at prep school, the trio are tall and generically handsome in a “my dad’s a lawyer” way.

Teddy, the tallest, has his long hairy legs stretched over the couch. He’s shirtless, wearing only his pineapple boxers, a healthy bulge showing through. He’s sipping on a cold one, as are all of the guys.

Christopher, the next tallest, sits next to him. Sandy haired, long-legged, with a ready grin framed by waspy good looks, he has an intense expression on his face as he focuses on the game on the flatscreen.

That leaves us with Harrison. A pre-med, he’s the shortest at six foot even, although if you ask him he’ll say he’s 6’3”. While Teddy and Christopher’s attention is consumed by the video screen, Harrison is leafing nervously through his textbook. As a pre-med, and a chronically neurotic person, he cares about his GPA to the hundreth point.

“Men, you have have got to try this new noot from my stack. It makes addy seems like skittles.” Harrison said enthusiastically, referring to a substance he purchased on the internet that would supposedly boost his cognition.

Christopher and Teddy exchanged a glance. The three were super tight, but Christopher and Teddy had to acknowledge that Harrison said a great deal of eye-roll worthy things.

Teddy belched loudly. “Thanks but no thanks. I have enough Adderall to get me through a million finals. Just read up the WebMD on attention deficit disorder, and my irrresitable heart melting looks at the female doctor sealed the deal.”

Harrison scoffed and made mock vomiting gestures.

Christopher looked concerned. “Teddy, are you sure that stuff doesn’t have any long term effects? I have trouble studying too sometimes, but I just get by with a latte or a Red Bull.”

For a second Christopher kept his concerned look. Looking into each other’s eyes for a second, they burst into laughter. They were at a university with high academic standards, complete with endless finals, theses, and projects. Other more pressing concerns, such as date events with lots of sorority girls in sunddresses, fantasy football, and beer, made it difficult to meet those academic standards, and thus prescription stimulants were ubiquitous.

“That stuff’s way better than any normie drug like Adderall,” Harrison remarked disdainfully. Harrison went on raving about this new substance, about how it upregulated some obscure neurotransmitter, while Christopher and Teddy belched, loud and long, in unison and high-fived each other. Ah, brotherhood.

“It takes a few weeks to take effect. But you know that patience is a virtue… I’ve found myself breezing through tests and not having to hit the books that much. I suppose this will help me with the boards .. and getting the right residency…” Harrison had a far-off expression, no doubt having grand visions of himself as a super moneyed physician.

His reverie was broken by a series of loud barking belches from Teddy. “As of now, it just affords me more quality free time,” Harrison laughs and picks up a controller to join in the game.

But he was excited and could not resist talking more about the substance, and going in depth. Harrison enjoyed sounding smart, and now was a good time to show off all he had learned in Neuropharm 101. Christopher and Teddy were used to such conversations, and they were used to making the “mmms” and “yeahs” that conveyed that you wanted to zone out in a semi-polite way.

But something caught Christopher’s attention.

“Do you think that all our thoughts, our memories, are experiences, are just … neurotransmitters? … chemicals?” Christopher said, taking a deep sip of his brew.

“… Well, yeah. There’s nothing to suggest otherwise,” Harrison said. “Science is just too good at predicting things.”

“I really want to know what chemical is it when you let out a huge belch, or a fart, that you’ve holding in a long time. That’s better than sex. Well maybe not really, depending on who it’s with,” Teddy said grinning and holding up his beer.

Harrison chuckled. “Well… technically it’s not the chemicals themselves that are the specific happy feelings. Dopamine. It’s probably dopamine. But that wasn’t my point. Feelings are a complex emergent property of the topology of the neurons, the pattern of activation gradients, and yes, the specific chemicals in the brain.”

Christopher looked thoughtful. “So everything, the whole world you’ve ever known, can be reduced to the arrangement of matter..? My first kiss, the sadness of our Golden Retriever dying, getting the acceptance letter, our friendship? That’s just … molecules, atoms, particles, whatever sloshing around?”

“Well, I don’t know if we can say definitively. Even if we can scan the brain perfectly to an arbitarily high degree of accuracy, we would have no way to scan what it feels like to be that brain. But yeah, it seems like that’s the most reasonable answer. Because what’s the alternative? There’s some invisible ghost living in your body, controlling your physical body, that will go frolick in paradise with the spirit in the sky after you die?”

“Well, maybe? It seems better than saying we’re just molecules. And both are equally unprovable. As you said yourself, even if you knew and could predict the exact arrangement of atoms that make up my brain, you couldn’t know exactly what it’s like to *be* me.”

“I don’t know about ‘equally unprovable’… But it seems like the better option of the two…”

Teddy looked thoughtful. “You guys remember the Matrix? Maybe everything’s not real. Maybe everything’s an illusion and we’re all in a simulation. That’s the third option.”

Harrison chuckled. “Beer is great, beer is awesome, but you’ve had too much, my friend.”

Christopher laughed. “Maybe we are living in a computer. But doesn’t that just delay the question. We just push things to the more “fundamental” layer of reality, in which this simulation is being run.” He sat up with a renewed focus toward the game, which had reached a pivotal point, and he and Teddy whooped and clapped each other on the back as the opponent’s defense was clobbered.

“Well, technically we’re not the molecules. I guess we can say that “we,” or our consciousnesses, or awareness, what have you, are the emergent properties that arise from these molecules. The aggregation of a large number of simple elements can form systems of unimaginable complexity. The gigantic number of proteins and their diverse behavior comes from simple chemical properties of amino acids which each individually are just simple hydrocarbons. Ant colonies have very complex behaviors that an individual ant just doesn’t. An individual neuron has no consciousness, but arranged in a sufficiently complex way, consciousness arises.”

“Bro, I know what emergent properties are. But that just doesn’t seem like a good enough explanation for me, for why when physical entities, defined solely in terms of numbers like mass, charge, and spin, put together in just the right way, does an entirely new, unmeasurable dimension just *emerge*: That just seems fishy to me, just as fishy as claiming the same god who created the world in seven days hates gay people.”

“Well, most things in science are not obvious. The obvious answer to ‘what caused life’ to early scientists was some invisble vital force, but that was before the process of abiogenesis was discovered. The process of natural selection is less ‘obvious’ than an almighty deity creating us as subjects and playthings. But time after time for disparate phenomena we’ve found natural selection does well in explaining our observations. Therefore we now take it as fact.”

“I don’t have anything against natural selection. It makes complete sense to me. I don’t have anything against the connection of the body and the mind nor neuroscience. What makes no sense is why there has to be something it feels like to be me. I could react to stimuli, do I want I do, get horny, et cetera, without being aware of any of it. Just like how I assume a robot feels - nothing. It’d probably be more efficient to boot if I had no inner life.”

Harrison wrinkled his nose. “Once you get to a certain level of information processing and integration, I assume, it just appears.”

“Do you think supercomputers are conscious?”

“That’s different! Maybe one day… but… Human life is way more complex than some computer. But… I did read something about this. I don’t want to say it since it sounds kinda dumb but maybe… consciousness is an illusion.”

Teddy, who turned out was actually listening after all, laughed whole heartedly. Harrison turned a bit red. “Now hear me out, dude. I think — I think that the brain sort of tricks itself into feeling that all the disparate processing, all of the disparate subsystems, are one continuous consciousness…”

Teddy let out a long belch and whistled. “That’s just a *little* hard to believe, hoss.”

Christopher thought for a second. He didn’t want to reject Harrison’s argument out of hand. But something still seemed a bit off about his line of reasoning. “But… I’m asking why does it feel like anything at all? Uh, doesn’t there need to be *someone* to be fooled by an illusion?”

Harrison grew slightly red. “There just is. We’ll know eventually. Science has not progressed to the point where we can make any firm conclusions yet. I’m sure with more work in the field we will unravel the mystery of the origin on consciousness, qualia, psychedelia, whatever. Science hasn’t failed us thus far…”

Teddy whistled. “Not so sure about that, broski. Science brought us bad tan jobs and TikTok. And Therac-25 and fracking. Anyway, isn’t science about challenging your assumptions? Including that conciousness is an emergent property of matter.”

“Well, what else could consciousness be? If natural selection holds, we must have originated from the non-conscious primordial hydrocarbon soup, which I assume isn’t sentient. And we’ve observed that damaging the brain has major effects on consciuosness. Just cutting a few nerve bundles can change a person’s entire personality…”

“Well, what if there was already primitive sentience in that hydrocarbon soup? What if every single particle in the universe had some degree of sentience?” Teddy said.

Harrison scoffed. “Evidently beer and neuroscience aren’t exactly the best combination. But… Come on now, Teddy. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a carbon atom, and I don’t think it’d be a hoot. And how exactly do the dull experiences of things like molecules come together to form the rich experiences of you and me? That doesn’t get us any closer to a solution.”

“I gotta give it to Harrison for this one,” said Christopher.

Teddy shrugged. “I was just throwing ideas out there. Hey, the game is coming on in ten minutes. Their new starters are going to be crushed!”

The boys chatted enthusiastically about sports, as guys usually do. Teddy gave some interesting insights about the other team’s coaching strategy, while Harrison said some choice words about the rival school, including casting aspersions on its academic quality and on the integrity of its female student populace.

But it soon drifted back to the original topic at halftime. Christopher had thought a bit more and his position on the topic had begun to solidify.

“You know, I’ve been thinking, that the only thing we can really be sure of is our own consciousness. We can’t even say for certain other people have minds. All we can know about them is second and third person; while we usually operate under the assumption that there’s a ‘first person’ we can’t really prove it, you know, definitively…” Christopher said thoughtfully, taking a sip of his longneck and scratching the barest hint of stubble on the side of his jaw and burping softly.

Harrison thought for a moment, blowing on his beer bottle casually. “That’s true. I think I said something about that.”

“Wait, there’s more. If something can evolve to respond to its environment, why would it need to feel anything? What effect would it have on its survival?”

“Well, maybe it’s inevitable. Who knows. It’s probably not any one factor, but a whole host of them. I think I read something about this, but the agent needs to represent itself and to manage its attention to prevent from being overloaded by information. I guess it evolved because animals needed a way to represent themselves, and crowd out competing impulses…”

Christopher shrugged. “Maybe. But my goddamn 4Runner has a navigation system and it represents itself with a little arrow icon; I’m not sure whether that has anything to do with you know, being able to have experiences, being able to feel something. And it seems like consciousness may even be maladaptive. If we were all tidy little biological automatons, we wouldn’t feel things like pride, depression, any moral scruples. We wouldn’t be able to stop and ahem, … admire a girl in a nice sunddress. We’d be hunting, fighting, and baby-making machines, and we wouldn’t be aware of any of it. It just seems so unnecessary, this capacity for subjectivity, yet it’s the only thing we really know….”

“So what are you saying? That natural selection is not valid? Are you one of *those* people? I never took you for one of them.”

“No, I definitely think natural selection is a, uh, thing. But I don’t know if it’s the whole story. And I question why you focus so much on matter as a means to explain consciousness.”

“As I’ve said, I’m wouldn’t exactly call myself zealous, but I think it’s better than believing in things like mind-matter duality. And I can’t stand the thought of being with all of those fundie nutters in heaven. Or going to hell for simply enjoying the finer pleasures of life.”

“Are those the only two options for explaining … things? Either we are nothing but matter sloshing around, deluding itself that it has feelings, or a wrathful and capricious god watches and cares about each and every dumb thought? There’s gotta be another option, something better.”

Harrison raised an eyebrow. “Got any other options? I’m listening.”

“Uhh… maybe as Teddy was saying… maybe we are in something like the Matrix…”

“That’s the best you can come up with?” Harrison smirked. “I thought you were a pretty rational guy, Topher.”

“Not the stuff about the aliens stealing our energy. I meant that maybe thought, experience, or some form of mentation is the … I don’t know, fundamental ‘stuff’ of the universe.”

“How does anything get processed … without a computer?”

“Well, first of all you’re assuming that matter creates mind. Isn’t debating that the whole point of this conversation?”

“I meant that information is always about something. If what you’re saying is true and the universe is fundamentally information, information can exist without there being anything the information could possibly be about? Isn’t data always ‘about’ something?”

“Uh, I don’t know if the ‘information’ would need to be ‘about’ something. But that brings up another point: if thoughts are just physical states, how can physical states be *about* anything? A chair, or a mountain, isn’t ‘about’ anything. And there are axioms and theorems in pure math which are not about anything physical.”

Harrison thought for a moment before replying. “We create the meanings. They don’t exist objectively. And I sort of disgree with that. But… I do think that mathematics and music, maybe a sign that …. the objectively measurable world may not be the whole picture…”

“Exactly. Dude, for a time, I was convinced that everything was just chemical, and we were just a speck of dust in the void. But I just don’t get how things like math can be physical. The time we’ve spent together, our friendship. I just don’t believe this is the result of the chance collision of subatomic particles.”

“Yeah… I get where you’re coming from. But I’m not agreeing with you, Christopher. I still believe that there are a ton of unanswered questions that science hasn’t matured enough to tackle. But I do have faith that science will address them anyway.”

“Fair enough.”

“It’s kind of funny.”

“You need a lot of faith to believe that insentient matter comes together and forms *you*: everything you are and will be is matter. Because matter is just a model, a helpful mental tool for explaining what our consciousnesses interacts with. It comes from our minds. The fact is that we only know one thing for certain: it’s our own mind.”

“That faith is justified by results. You know what they say: ‘science flies you to the moon…’”

Christopher’s conviction grew at a fast clip, and he spoke more confidently. “The results come from the scientific method as practiced by a number of individuals. Not some monolithic entity called ‘Science’, and certainly not the unproven ‘we are chemicals bumping together in the void’ shit, which is more dogma than anything. I think there’s sort of a false dichotomy here: either you are a hardcore materialist, or you are a fundamentalist nutjob.”

Harrison laughed. “Fair point. But it isn’t a false dichotomy. You’re forgetting about the new age wackjobs.”

Teddy suddely demonstrated that he was at least paying partial attention to their conversation. “You know how some people have multiple personalities? I think I dated a chick like that once; it was some ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ meets ‘Freaky Friday’ shit. Maybe we’re like multiple personalities, of like the Universe, or whatever.” Teddy piped up after a long period of focus on the game.

“I’m all for microdosing it for nootropic purposes, but taking LSD has never really apppealed that much to me,” Harrison sniffed.

Christopher was tempted to scoff, but bit his lip and thought for a second. “Why would the universe need to split itself into multiple personalities?”

Teddy shrugged. “Maybe it was lonely. You know that by definition, there is nothing else but the universe. Dude, I don’t know.”

Christopher thought for a long time and his eyes lit up as if he come to a fundamental realization, or got possessed. “I get it now. I get it. Everything just makes sense noThere are individualized minds deriving from the universal mind, individual drops from a stream. All so called physical phenomena, including blunt forces and drugs, are within universal mind, which can affect the state of dissociation. That’s why a blow to the head can change your personality…. …. If what I suspect is true, and mental ‘stuff’ is the fundamental ‘stuff’ of the universe, and mentation is fundamental… that means some form of cognition was always present. You see it in the well-behavedness of the universe, unreasonable effectiveness of the mathematical universe, regularities of the stars, whatever. But it was only with the evolution of mankind that the universe gained sufficiently concentrated consciousness to… think about itself, to experience, to love… And science, the practice of science… the universe or God or whatever has all this abstract knowledge, but you need subject object duality in order to appreciate and build on that knowledge, create and test hypotheses, and stuff… And a byproduct of that duality is the capacity to experience more reified and intense sensations and emotions. So we’re here to allow the universe to experience … itself to the fullest, to give it the full gamut of experiences, and to allow it to learn about itself through the self-awareness we provide it. And the learning comes a lot faster because having multiple sub-personalities allows for dialectic, the best way to generate new ideas and thoughts. Because what does a mind do but think? We are each the universe, and our job here is to provide it with experiences and more knowledge. The universe is a mind. What does a mind do but think? And how does it think? Through every one of us.”

Christopher looked surprised, eyes widened, after this dialogue, not knowing whether whether he was a genius, going insane, way too drunk, or all of the above. He snapped out of it after a few seconds of reverie, scratched the side of his jaw and took a deep swig of his beer.

Harrison shook his head. Then he thought for a moment. “I mean that it’s fair to question physicalism, but as a man of science I will not accept any woo woo nonsense. Soon we’ll be talking about the healing energies of Libra crystals.” he said, standing up, showing off his tight swimmer’s build with the hint of a beer tummy. “I need some more beer after that conversation.”

“A man of science? A man of sucking up to the biochem 101 professor in office hours for a rec letter, at least,” Teddy laughed.

Harrison grew red. “Shut up, Theodore! At least I’m not an econ major!” He huffed and stormed out of the room to get another six pack from the cellar. Teddy beamed.

“That’s deep, bro,” Teddy looked at Christopher.

“You didn’t think that I had gone off the deep end or anything?”

“Oh, I definitely did, bro. But I still respect you immensely.”

Christopher paused for a bit. He seemed like he was about to say something to defend his newfound views and then decided against it. He took a swig of his beer: “Hey, that new QB is absolutely going to change the dynamic for us. Going off how the season is going so far, we have a shot at conference champs.”

“Hell yes. That arm. That golden arm. That guy is such a goat. I would marry him. But not really. Because I’m not gay.”

“At least you’d let him live rent free in your house.”

“That at least.”

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, The Twins, Chapter 7

Word Count:  1.7k

Warnings:  angst, mentions death of a parent/being ignored, mentions of trauma

“What do you want, Addy?” She heard the sniffling across the line and suddenly every instinct that she had to protect her twin came back in an instant, “A-addy, are you alright?  What happened?  T-talk to me.”

“Can I come over to your dorm room, Anna?”

“I-I’m at Ari’s, bu-“

“I need to come over.”

“Is everything alright?”

She had hung up before answering, and Arianna shuddered.  Ari, who had heard the concern in his mate’s voice had since stopped working on the paper he was writing and looked back to his mate who had been reading on his bed, “is everything okay, omega?”

“I-I don’t know,” she said quickly, rushing to look out the window.  Sure enough, her twin sister was leaving the sorority house and rushing to the Sigma house, “Is it okay if Addy comes over?  She seemed really upset?”

“Of course,” Ari said in a soft tone.  He stood up from his spot at his desk and rushed to his mate, “d-do you want me to go so th-?”

“No,” she said quickly.  Ari gave her a concerned look and she sighed, “I-I don’t know if I want to be alone with her right now.  She said some pretty nasty things to me about our relationship and I need you…”

“So long as you need me, I’ll be here,” Ari smiled, giving her a soft kiss.  When he broke away, he grabbed her hand, “come on, let’s go get your sister and bring her up here so that the two of you can have some privacy, okay?”

Arianna nodded and her and Ari were quick to head down the stairs.  By the time they reached the door she was knocking on it.  When Arianna opened it, Adriana rushed in and wrapped her arms around her twin sister, sobbing into her shirt.  A few guys were looking at them curiously, but Ari shook his head, and they all cleared out. 

“Come on, let’s get you girls upstairs,” Ari said softly.  Adriana pulled away from her sister momentarily, and looked at him, “is that alright?  It’ll give the two of you some more privacy.”

“Who the hell are you?”

Arianna gave a soft warning growl and Adriana stared at her.

“He’s my mate, Addy,” Arianna informed her, “I was trying to introduce you to him before we mated, but you kept blowing me off.”

“This one is Ari?”

Arianna nodded, quickly tucking herself into her mate’s side, “this is Ari…”

“Wow,” she said slowly, “he’s not half-bad looking, Anna.”

“C-can we get back to why you called?” Arianna asked nervously, trying to change the topic back to her sister after she’d gazed long and hard at her mate.  She started to feel slightly jealous, like she was looking at him for too long.  She instinctively placed tucked herself against Ari and he nuzzled her, knowing she felt anxious.

“Right,” she muttered, seeing that her sister was in distress and she was causing it, “well…I-I need your help, Anna.”

“Okay?” 

“C-can we talk about this somewhere more private, like your mate suggested?”

Arianna nodded, taking her sister by the hand and leading Addy up to Ari’s room.  When they passed the threshold, Addy looked at Ari, “what are you still doing here?”

“Addy…he’s my mate…you came here…I’m not kicking him ou-“

“It’s fine,” Ari said quickly, as he cut Arianna off, “I can go.”

Just as Addy gave a smug smile, Arianna shook her head, “no…he’s my mate…we share everything.  Whatever you want to tell me you can say in front of Ari.”

Anna…”

“Do you want my help or not?”

“Hey…you were there for her, and that’s what you wanted to do,” Ari said comfortingly as the two of them laid in his bed once they got back from her fathers, “you were there for your sister…and honestly, after meeting both her and your father…I’m surprised you didn’t fight me as much about being there for them.  They’re both really rude to you…and sweetie…I think they take advantage of who you are as a person.”

“I-it wasn’t always like that,” she sighed tearfully, “me and my sister used to be a lot closer…but then when our mom died...things just…changed.”

“Well, I think that we need to do what’s best for the two of us from now on,” he admitted carefully, “and I don’t know that being there for them is part of that.  Not if it leaves you like this, mate.”

“I think you’re right,” she admitted sadly, “But Ari…we really did used to be close.  Despite Addy being a cheerleader, she was always there for me.  She always made sure I was okay…you know…made sure the other kids never bullied me.”

“Up until your mom died?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “My mom was like my best friend…aside from Addy of course.  But once she passed it was like Addy and my dad versus the world.  Suddenly I didn’t matter as much…and everything that I did was wrong…no matter what I did.”

“I’m sorry baby…”

“I’m not,” she muttered as she tucked herself against his chest.  He frowned as she nuzzled his pec, showing him that she needed to feel closer.  Ari pulled off his shirt and she crawled on top of his lap, making sure that her face was nuzzling the broad, bare chest of her mate, “it made me who I am, Ari…I mean, I used to be angry when I was younger…but when you grow up you realize things…and one of the things that I realized is that their way of dealing with it was just by cutting out the traces of her…and she and I always had a special bond…so when she died, they kind of just treated it like part of me did too.”

“It’s not fair to you though, baby.”

“I’m okay Ari…I’ll be okay,” she sighed, as her fingers danced through the fine hairs on his chest, “So long as I have you…that’s all that matters.”

“You always have me, mate.”

“Here.” Adriana looked at her twin sister, before her eyes flickered back to the test that she’d dropped on the bathroom’s counter, “you should probably do it before the guys get here.  That way you know for sure.”

“You really think I could be?”

“Well, you’re having sex….so pregnancy is always an option,” she pointed out.  Adriana frowned and she shook her head, “What, it is?”

“Like you and your mate don’t have sex,” Arianna blushed and Adriana’ brow raised, “don’t tell me you don’t have sex with your mate.  What kind of relationship is that?  Are you sure he even wants you, Anna?”

“I-I don’t,” she admitted nervously as she bit on her bottom lip, “Ari and I have decided that we aren’t going to do that….at least, not until we know each other a lot more…I mean, we know that we are one another’s mates, and that was a good enough reason to mark someone, but you can’t assume that he’ll want to be with me when we-“

“I’ll always want to be with you,” Ari confirmed as he noticed that she had become slightly upset by her sister’s tone when she made the comment that they ‘had to’ have been having sex.  Adriana was quick to grab the test and slide it into her purse as she glared at the intruding alpha.  Arianna blushed and looked away, but he rushed up to her and lifted her face to his own, “hey…don’t ever assume that you aren’t my endgame…because you are, Arianna…you’re my mate.  I marked you because I want a future with you.  I want cubs with you.  I want all of it.  But I wasn’t going to take advantage of you when you went into your breakthrough heat…that’s not what a good alpha does.  A good alpha takes care of his omega and lets her guide the relationship.  You’ve set all the rules, ‘mega.  I just stay respectful and allow you all of the love and freedom you need.”

“You did,” she smiled softly, “you took care of me, alpha.”

“I’ll always take care of you, ‘mega.”

Curtis’ heart stopped as he looked at his mate, “Adriana?”

She looked beyond scared as she looked away from both her father and himself.  Tears threatened to fall down her cheeks as she sniffled, “I-I’m so sorry-I-“

“How could you?” he scolded, tossing the test to the ground, “your mother and I raised you better than this, Adriana!  This.  I would have expected this from your sister.  But you!  Do you know what this means?  Do you know the kind of woman your mother was?  She’d be so disappointed in you!  In all of your choices leading up to this!  And yet, god rest her soul, you go out and disregard everything we’ve ever instilled in you…for what?  For this bear?”

Curtis growled, “don’t you dare talk to my mate like that.”

“I’m her father!” the beta hissed, “who in the hel-“

“I’m her mate,” Curtis growled, cutting the beta off, while projecting his aura so that he would feel his presence even more.  Adriana whimpered and immediately bared her neck in submission, while her father glared at him, before baring his neck ever so slightly, “and she’s pregnant with my cub.  She’s pregnant!  With MY cub!”

“Get out,” her father growled, shaking his head, “I don’t want you in my house!  This is an abomination!”

“We don’t fucking need you,” Curtis growled, reaching out to his mate.  He stopped projecting his aura as he looked at her.  She bit her lip but didn’t move from her spot, “Adriana?”

She looked up at him, and he felt like his heart broke as a few spare tears slipped from his eyes.  He frowned as he realized she thought he was upset with her, “I-I’m sorry.  I-I didn’t-“

“Baby this is great,” Curtis said gleefully as he wrapped his arms around her, “w-we’re gonna have a cub.  You’re going to have my cub, mate!  I’m not mad.  Fuck what your dad says.  How he feels.  I marked you!  I love you!  And that!  In your belly!  That’s OUR cub!  That’s something he can’t have control over.  It’s our baby!”

She lit up as he looked at her, “Y-you’re okay with it?”

“Of course I’m okay with it!” he grinned, his hands falling down to her stomach.  Curtis dropped to his knees and instantly began nuzzling her stomach, “we’re going to be parents…that’s my cub in you, Adriana.”

“Get out!” her father yelled.  Curtis glared at the older man and stood to his full height, angered at the intrusion on what should have been a more special moment.  He held out his hand and she gave him a look before taking it.

“You can go to hell, Dean Smith.”

Chapter 8

Tag List:  @infatuatedjanes, @lohnes16, @dontbescaredtosingalong

[phoebe-delia]

The @drarrymicrofic prompt this week is "Alpha", so here I am, putting my knowledge of Greek life to better use than I ever did in my sorority. CW: underage drinking (according to U.S. law)

Terms: addy=address; fish=freshman; pledge=prospective person entering a frat

This is a Muggle AU. Enjoy!

"Kings of the jungle

You know who we are

Sober, down or drunkle

The pride is never far.

Brothers all the way

The guys I call upon

You all know our name

Gamma Rho Upsilon!"

As they finished the chant, Harry rolled down the window of the pickup as they approached the house. He put on the brakes and picked up his phone, checking the addy one more time.

"Are we here?" Seamus leaned forward and stuck his head between the two front seats to get a closer look.

Harry pulled his phone closer to his chest. "Yeah, this is it."

Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville got out of the car while Harry parked it on the street. He followed them to the door, knocking loudly to be heard over the thumping music.

The door opened, and a boy who looked a little older than them stood on the other side raised an eyebrow. "No girls with you?"

Ron shook his head. "Uh, no?"

The boy huffed. "You got five bucks?"

"Why?" Harry's eyebrows furrowed.

"That's the cover." The boy said, crossing his arms.

Just then, a group of girls came up the walkway, laughing and chattering. The boy in the doorway smiled at them, letting them pass easily before turning back to Harry's friends with a frown.

Seamus scoffed. "You just let them in!"

The boy rolled his eyes. "Yeah. They're girls. What, are you a pledge?"

Harry clenched his jaw. "Yeah, so? We're in Gamma Rho."

The boy just laughed. "This is Sig Lam. Go on, little fish, swim back to your pond." He started to close the door, but Seamus stepped in the way, continuing to argue.

Just then, another boy with white-blonde hair and the deepest gray eyes Harry'd ever seen stepped up, clapping a hand on the first boy's shoulder. "Is there a problem, Blaise?"

"Draco, these Gamma Rho pledges showed up with no cover, no girls, and no alc. So they were just leaving," he said, glaring at Seamus.

Draco smirked, scrutinizing the boys standing outside until his eyes locked with Harry's.

"Oh, Blaise, let's be a bit hospitable. Surely we can make an exception for a few clueless freshmen."

Blaise stared incredulously at Draco for a moment, before looking at Harry, then back to Draco, and rolling his eyes. "Whatever dude. I'm going back to Katie." Blaise walked away in a huff.

Draco stepped aside, letting them through. "Don't invite any more guys, okay?" The other boys nodded quickly.

"Thanks," Harry stopped in front of Draco, his heart racing as he smiled softly.

"What's your name?" Draco asked, his voice low.

"Harry."

"Hmm," Draco said licking his lips. "Would you like a drink, Harry?"

Harry regarded Draco carefully, taking in his outfit consisting of tight black jeans, sheer white button-down undone almost to his navel, and a subtle bit of eyeliner. Draco's eyes flashed and darkened under the attention, and Harry swallowed. "Yeah, thanks."

Draco smirked, pulling Harry gently through the crowd. "Come with me."

[hushedhands]

i dont think ive asked this before but did the secret midnight session party come from pop culture or more of an idea of a college experience? it felt so gilmore girls which is my absolute favorite, i always keep going back to it!

1. Okay I LOVE this because I definitely remember watching Gilmore Girls when I was writing that scene! And I don't think I took anything directly from them in terms of character personalities or things that happened at the party, I think it was just part of the *ambiance* when I was writing, so it's kind of awesome that you can pick that up through osmosis or something. There are parts of Addy's life that I want to feel like a warm teen romcom, and there are parts that need to feel like a high-stakes political drama. That was definitely teen romcom time <3 2. But also that chapter was based on a very real thing that happens at elite universities. Not so much the "secret society" part, but just the part that unlike in high school where cliques ultimately don't matter, cliques at elite universities can really affect how easy it is to get a certain job in the future. If you think about it, it makes sense: people will usually want to work with people they know and like before taking a risk hiring a stranger. So if you want to go to work at a certain business, and the CEO of that business has a kid at school with you, it makes sense to hang out with that kid socially/at parties/in school clubs. It's basically the whole idea behind sororities or fraternities. Like, I could have had Martin just pledge a frat, but I wanted something that felt a little more intimate/magical than just........... a literal frat party 😐

[dateamonster]

super specific I get it if you can't find anything for this lol ▶️ A is driving down the highway, windows down music blasting, and looks over at B who's singing and laughing and dancing and A realizes they're in love with B

May I suggest New Religion by The Heydaze as an example

ohh ok ok i can vibe w this. tbh i already have a few like token roadtrip bonding music picks so lemme see what ive got that fits this tone

1. semi kinda right by one flew west

I’m on the semi kinda right track But I can't see 'round the bend I'll just keep my head on straight Stay true, true to who I am

2. drive slow by ADDIE

And every song reminds me of you I need to know are you feeling it too Drive slow Cause I don't want to go home

3. spaceship by art sorority for girls

You don't have a car, but you don't have to take this So pack yourself a pair of socks and get inside a spaceship

4. i will go anywhere with you by julia nunes

I don't need a bed, no I'm not tired yet So go full speed ahead, we'll end up where we get

5. poison by stick and poke

You and I we've been through this about a hundred times before But we'll make it through the night And make it to the west coast shore

[pearlshop]

dude!!! this is what makes us girls is the best dare me fic i've ever read you got beth and addy's voices down so well i felt like i was watching the show :) i'm not very creative but do you have any dare me headcanons?? or fics you're planning

Aw, thank you so much!

I did want to write a Beth/Addy Sorority AU where Addy is rushing and Beth is an older sorority sister that becomes intensely fixated on her. Addy begrudgingly becomes Beth’s Little and Beth tries to break her during her hazing, until she decides she likes her. Yes, the Big/Little system is as sapphic as it sounds. 

I mostly just want to write about Beth putting Addy through a bunch of humiliating but erotic hazing rituals, and I think I should be allowed to do that.

On headcanons:

Beth has a love for super sour sweets like Toxic Waste and Atomic Warheads. She eats them with a straight face and it freaks Addy out.

She also used to love jawbreakers because she considered them a challenge, but that quickly ended after she nearly broke her jaw and lost a tooth while trying to chomp down on one as a kid.

On the flip side, Addy loves sweets but she rarely eats them. And if she does, it’s because Beth is forcing them on her. 

Beth seethes for weeks when Addy goes through her growth spurt and is suddenly taller than her - it makes her feel small, and she never feels small next to Addy - until she decides she likes it. She doesn’t mind looking up at Addy as long as she’s looking back.

When Addy first gets her period Beth insists on showing her how to put the tampon in herself. Neither of them think this is weird, though Addy is flushed after and she doesn’t linger on why.

Addy still has that pink camo dog leash that Beth bought her in the book. It sits in the back of her closet in a duffle bag for months. She doesn’t want to think about how Beth might use it on her another way, but she does.

Beth does a lot of vile things to different girls that try to get close to Addy, even before Casey Jaye. Addy just doesn’t know about them because Beth is more cautious about hiding her teeth when she’s younger. She hacks a girl’s pigtail clean off all because she gives Addy an extra cupcake on her birthday. She trips another one who doesn’t do anything at all, except get assigned to be Addy’s partner on a stupid project. 

Addy starts relaxing her hair in the seventh grade. Beth doesn’t say it, but she misses her curls.

*I’ve had an issue with people lifting ideas from my writing so please do not use these for your own works without crediting or asking.

[mspirations]

mSpirations New Year's resolution & January update🥳🎉✨

mSpirations is a one-woman blog, so it will take a while catching up, but with a better organization (which I have had for half a year) it is possible (I hope 🤞)

(please be patient 🙏)

Happy and healthy New Year

So without further ado let's get into it. 👇

New Year's resolution:

Start making sets with Toni Topaz, Sara Lance, Clarke Griffin, Jade West, Nic Nevin

Complete the character of Clara Oswald (from season 8 episode 8 and start season 9)

End Season 2 and 3 (which will start on April 16) with Fallon Carrington and start Season 4 (sets still released on Fridays)

Finish the character of Paige Dineen (from season 4 episode 7)

Do Alicia Clark season 2 (maybe 3)

Continue the character of Kara Danvers, Addy Carver, Daisy Johnson, Jemma Simmons

As for movies:

Make sets with "Avengers" and more specifically with Wanda Maximoff

As soon as I manage to watch "The Suicide Squad 2" and “5 Years Apart” there will be sets with Harley Quinn and Emma (I can’t wait)

Implement Karen (Chloe Bennet) sets from the “Valley Girl”

Figure out Alexandra Daddario's sets in “Texas Chainsaw” and “San Andreas”

Compose the sets of Lucy Hale in “Truth or Dare” and “Fantasy Island” 

Moreover?

I don't know that yet, keep checking to know more. ��

Click "KEEP READING" to know what awaits us in January 

(All posts will be published according to CET starting from 1 p.m. )

.

1 - 30 January

.

Addy Carver (“Z Nation”) -  Fashion

.

Kara Danvers (“Supergirl”) -  Fashion

.

Dark Matter -  Fashion (Old polyvore sets)

.

Movie - “Sorority Row” - Fashion  (7.01 - 28.01)  (Old polyvore sets)

.

Fallon Carrington (”Dynasty) - Fashion

.

FEBRUARY - small change

[xjoiexgabriel]

Welcome Back

Who: Gabriel Beiste & @joieagilbert

When: Oct. 2

Where: Beiste Dorms

What: Gabe and Addison reconnect and Gabe finds out something that will change his life. 

Gabe couldn't believe that Addison was back. It had been over a year since he had seen her and he was excited to see her again. Coming to her place, Gabe knocked and waited for additional to open the door for him.

Addison was nervous to see Gabe, she knew she had to tell him and had managed to avoid this confrontation for half a semester now but no longer could she keep this a secret, it wasn't fair to Gabe to hide this. Telling Gabe would also mean she didn't have to hide it from the rest of the student body, only her very closest friends knew and some days that was hard because all she wanted to do sometimes was talk about her son. Addi gave a big sigh heading to open the door, "Hi Gabe" she smiled, it was so good to see her friend again.

Gabe smiled back to her, pulling the other into a hug. He was so happy to see her once more. "Hey, Addi. Its really nice to see you again, how you been?" Stepping into her place and giving it a glance for a moment. He wasn't sure why she had left but now she was here and he was going to ask her but it felt more right to ease into the topic.

Addi let Gabe pull her into a hug, it felt so good to be back in his arms, she had missed her friend, their friends with benefits thing had been fun but she really did value his friendship the most. "It's so good to see you too Gabe, I've been good- tired but good," She smiled and lead him over to sit where she had a squishy couch and TV set up. "It's not quite the sorority house but you know I really wanted to RA and I got the chance so I had to move here," She shrugged, she missed her sisters at the sorority but this was something that meant a lot to her."How have things been for you? I saw your games you've been kicking ass and taking names."

"I mean, i couldnt think of anyone better to RA in my dad's dorms so I'm good with it." he teased as it was the Beiste Dorms. Sitting with her, he shrugged. "They've been going, had some drama but things are getting better and yeah, still dominating the game and enjoying every moment. But what have you been up to?"

"I'm glad you approve, you know I just want to mother everyone." She teased back. "What kind of drama?" Addi looked at him with worry on her face. She would always worry about her friends, and Gabe had an even more special place in her heart now. "Been trying to get back into the swing of college, last year was kind of crazy, some big stuff happened..." She trailed off not meeting his eyes, unsure how to tell him.

"I know you do and you're very good at it. You're going to be a best mom one day." Gabe nodding with a certainty in his eyes. When she asked about what happened. "I let myself feel for someone and got burned. Doesn't mean I wont let it happen again, just yeah. Gotta learn to know the person better, I guess." he shrugged. "OH? What big stuff?" His brow knitting together a bit.

The playfulness fell from he face at that comment, "I really hope so." Addi bit her lip,  obviously Gabe had managed to hit on one of her biggest worries, was she a good mom to Myles, she wanted to do the best she possibly could for him. "I'm so sorry Gabe, I know you don't fall easily." She leaned over and gave her friend a tight hug. Addi took one of Gabe's hands, focusing all of her attention playing with his fingers between hers, it was an easy comfortable gesture, something she had done a thousand times before and it worked to calm her. "I don't really know how to say this," she closed her eyes,  her stomach was in knots, "after the last time we slept together do you remember the condom broke and I told you not to worry because I had Plan B?" she took a deep breath, focusing on Gabe's face now, "well it didn't work..."

Gabe hugged her back, "I know you are and you're a good friend as well." Pulling from the hug, he felt her playing with his hands. He knew it was a gesture she did when she was nervous. He listened to her talk then his jaw fell open. Did he hear that right? Was she saying what he thought she was? "Okay...so what are you saying, Addi?" His voice light and wondering a lot of things.

Addi was silent for a few moments that felt like an eternity as she wracked her brain for the right words. "Got pregnant Gabe.." She said quietly, reaching for her phone from her pocket and opening up her photo gallery, she had hundreds of photos spanning the less than nine months since Myles was born. She pulled up a photo she had taken at the weekend when she had captured him pulling a face that made him look identical to Gabe, she handed him the phone, still biting her lip nervously, wondering what he was going to say.

Gabe sat there, in a sort of shock. He looked at each photo and the last one told him so much, he knew. That was his child. Taking her phone as she offered it, he looked through them all and felt tears well in his eyes. "Is he...is he here? Can i see him? Whats his name? I'm  a dad?" he chewed his lip a bit.(edited)

Addi silently watched Gabe flick through the photos, she didn't know how she had ever doubted her friend, but she was so relived he wasn't angry at her. "His name is Myles Lucas Beiste, he's going to be nine months old on the eighteenth." She took the phone and scanned through the photos until she found the one of the day he was born, where she was holding Myles in her arms for the first time and showing Gabe. "He's with my parents in Akron, I go home every weekend to be with him until he's old enough to go to the daycare on campus then we will figure something else out so he can be here I miss him a lot but I can't afford my own place." She shrugged, she was used to making the best of any situation and right now having Myles stay with her parents was the best way for her to be able to finish college because she needed to live in the dorms to be able to afford college.

Gabe looked at the picture then looked back to her. "No...he needs to be here. I can help you get a place but Addi, i want him here and I'll help you. We can make this work...he's my child too and he needs to be with us and raised by us not anyone else." He knew he was  quick to jump in but he wasn't ever going to be okay with someone else raising his kid.

"I'm not telling you about him because I want money, Gabe," Addi would admit she was not good at accepting help. "What are we going to do when we have class, or clubs or sports? I'd rather he be with my parents than strangers all day." Addi's voice caught in her throat with a sob. "I want to do the best for him, I want to finish school so I can provide for him not that I don't appreciated all my parents did for me I know they loved me but getting a job at 14 and working through high school was tough I want him to be able to have fun not worry and you know how much becoming a doctor means to me..." Thinking about the future was so overwhelming to Addi.

Gabe shook his head. "Addi I'm doing it because I want to and I'm sorry but we'll make it work. My classes are not normal classes and professors here are more then willing to make things work. I'm not going to agree to this. Addison I have missed 9 months of his life, I missed all the big first in the first year. I'm not missing a moment more. We can do this and he won't be raised by strangers." His tone though told it all, he wouldn't budge on this. "We're getting him this friday and he's staying with us on campus. Also he can go to the daycare now, they can go at 6 weeks old but it wont be needed. Please dont make me miss more time with him. He's going to live with us

Addison sighed, she knew Gabe, she knew once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. "You realize Friday is two days from now and we don't have anything we need here to take care of him. We still have another week of midterms and-" Addi shook her head. She knew keeping this huge secret from Gabe was the worst thing she had done and right now she would do anything to make sure he would be in his sons life.

"My mid terms are over. " Gabe told her. "I finished them this week and yes I know it's not a lot of time but you'd be amazed what Amazon Prime can do. So Friday, we are going to get him. Can you let your parents know to have everything ready for us? " He was set there was no changing his mind. "We will make this work, it will work. "

"Do you still live at the Frat house? I don't want him living at the Frat house Gabe." Addi responded with a worried tone, she was feeling so overwhelmed by Gabe's response but at least he wasn't angry or upset which is what she had been worried about. "I'll call them and we can set it up, but I want both to talk to our professors before then I want to know they will be flexible and supportive with whatever we need, and I'm going to have to figure out something for my RA duties I can't just walk away from that."

"I'm not going to leave the frat and it's not like it was before. I'm the president now. We don't party, we just all hang out. I know what mine will say, there is girl in my classes who brings her child everyday. They don't mind. You figure that out, Addison you have to trust me in all this. You owe me that. "

"I get that it's important to you Gabe, but a Frat house is no place for a baby, this is why he's better at my parents because there are parts of our college life that will be so much harder and we both need to finish school" Addi sighed, there was no way she was giving into this. "I know I owe you, I can't even explain how sorry I am but we have to do this the right way not just leap in blind."

For the first time, Gabe was getting upset now. "Addison. He's coming here. That's it. I'm done doing this, done looking for excuses. He's my son and he will live where I can see him whenever I want and with his parents. My dad did it all by himself with two kids after being abused. You can't guarantee that when you're not there that they're raising him the way you want or they're not talking shit on me. Addison. I'm done. Friday he's coming here. "

Addi looked away from Gabe's face, trying not to let herself get too upset. "Okay we let's try it, if you really think this is the best option and you really think we can do it let's try, but I don't want him near parties or drugs or alcohol and I don't want your flings around him, I don't want people flitting in and out of his life." Addison responded with a firm tone. It wasn't that she thought Gabe would ever be a bad father but she wanted to impress upon him how much he'd have to beware of what he was doing and what was happening around him.

"No more flings. I promise you and the boys will all know that the house is a baby safe zone. No drugs or alcohol. Well maybe beer but you know what I mean. " Signing some and running his fingers through his hair. "Thank you for this.... Sorry I got upset. I just... I want to do this right. I want to be a good father for my children and honestly, I'm glad you're his mother. " Taking her hand. "I don't think he could have a better mom. "

"Okay." Addi nodded, breathing a sigh of relief, she was impressed at how quickly Gabe was seeing what he needed to do. She knew he was a good person but most often saw his fun and playful side, a smile grew on her face at how strongly he was fighting for his son. "It's okay Gabe, I'm sorry for keeping this from you, I've just been so scared, this past eighteen months have been so hard for me I didn't know what to do." She squeezed Gabe's hand, "I'm glad your his father, I tell him about you all the time, he's going to love you I know it." Addi gave him a warm smile, leaning her head on his shoulder, happy to have her friend by her side.

[swannscroft]

Gun for Hire OC---> Far Cry 5

Elizabeth (Liz) Palmer “Fights because she can.”

Specialty:  Spy Age:  21 Birthday:  July 10th  Hair:  Blonde Eyes:  Hazel Height:  5’7” Location:  Whitetail Mountains- South of the Stone Ridge Chalet Occupation:  Former college student Backstory:   Liz grew up in Hope County and went to high school there.  She was the 2nd baseman for the Hope County Cougars softball team.  She helped them win the state championship two years in a row.  Despite her Cougars shirt, she fights with The Whitetail Militia.  She is the niece of Eli Palmer.  When she returned to her childhood home for the first time in years, she was captured by the cult. Jacob discovered her relation to Eli and used her against him

Recruitment Mission:  Help Liz blow up the speakers around the Stone Ridge Chalet. ELIMINATE all enemies/ FREE Liz/ TALK to Liz/ FOLLOW Liz/ BLOW UP the speakers (0/5) /TALK to Liz Rewards:   +600 Resistance points/ Liz Palmer added to your roster/ Carry more melee weapons

Special Abilities: MELEE EXPERT- Give her a bat and she’ll knock any Peggies out of the park. - Liz’s weapon of choice is a barbwire baseball bat with screws sticking out of it.  You’ll also be able to get a few extra melee weapons from her if yours run out.  That means more shovels and more dead Peggies. PEGGIE INTEL- Marks all locations of enemy properties on your map. - When active as one of your GFH all the locations of cult properties including; roadblocks, prisoners vans, and supply vehicles are revealed on your map for the specific region you are in.

Relationships:  

Eli- She is very close with her Uncle.  Will do anything he asks.  Even if that sometimes means not fighting if it means that she’s safe.

Wheaty- Is best friends with Wheaty.  They are always hanging out at the Wolf’s Den together and jamming to the best music.

Jess- The archer doesn’t like her.  Jess thinks that she’s just as bad as all the other Peggies.  Jess calls her ‘Jacob’s little bitch’.  The girls will get along if they share a common goal in killing cultists, but that’s about it.

Sharky- He and Liz will argue over which songs to play on the radio.  Sharky wants to play disco, while she prefers classic rock.  Despite their difference in music taste she finds Sharky very amusing.

Adelaide- She absolutely LOVES Adelaide.  Addie thinks of Liz as the daughter she never had and likes Liz better than Hurk Jr.  She and Addie will talk about which of the guys in Hope County are the hottest (and how the Seed bros are the hottest out of all of them.)

Grace- Liz really looks up to Grace and aspires to be like her.  Sometimes she’ll totally fangirl when Grace is around.  Grace finds it flattering but doesn’t see herself as a role model.

Pratt- She dated Staci Pratt for a few months in high school.  Despite their messy break up, she feels terrible that he is under Jacob’s control.

Hurk Jr- Liz totally wants to join Hurk’s Gate but he won’t let her because she isn’t named Hurk.  She told him by that logic he and his father would be the only ones that could join his cult.  

What she thinks of the Seed siblings:

Joseph- She finds his man bun creepy.  She can’t decide if he looks more like a hipster or a cowboy.  She almost accidently ended up in the cult when she was younger.  No one had told her that they were crazy.  Liz had wandered in Joseph’s compound one Sunday morning in high school.  She thought he was a youth pastor.  To her surprise Joseph was indeed not, a youth pastor.

John- Does not like John’s power of yes.  One of her worst fears is ending up in John’s bunker.  Getting her skin cut off isn’t her definition of a ‘good time’.

Jacob- Won’t really tell anyone the truth about what happened while she was with Jacob.  If you ask her about it she’ll dodge the question.  No one knows if he tortured her or something very different.  All everyone knows is that she spent a lot of time with the redhead soldier.  Jacob enjoyed knowing that he had Eli’s niece under his thumb.

Faith- Liz is actually quite fond of Faith.  She feels bad for the girl, knowing that she wasn’t the first girl controlled by Joseph.  Before Joseph had found Rachel, he had picked out Liz as one of the potential candidates for ‘Faith’.  You’ll sometimes see her chitchatting with Faith when she appears.  Liz has wandered into the bliss willingly to try to reason with Faith but the girl is too far gone.

Quotes:

In her recruitment mission- “Thanks for getting me out of that cage.  If I had been there any longer I’d be good as dead.  My name’s Liz.  I’m Eli’s niece.  My Uncle runs the militia up in these mountains.  I didn’t know shit about this Eden’s Gate nonsense before.  I had just gotten home and those fucking cultists nabbed me out on the road. Jacob was ready to write me off as weak, feed me to his judges, until he found out who I was.  He liked having me around, knowing that I was related to Eli.  He kept me in a cage and treated me like I was his pet, called me his ‘little lamb’.  I guess Jacob got tired of my big mouth.  I had outgrown my usefulness to him. He said he’d come back for me when I was nothing but bones.  I’ve gotten real sick of listening to this bastard talk.  Help me take out the speakers around here so I don’t have to listen to him anymore.”

“I’ll put in a good word with Eli for ya’, tell him you’re one of the good ones.  Look Dep, I know you got a lot of skilled people looking to help you but I’d love to fight back.  You and me, we’re gonna shove my bat so far up Jacob’s ass that he’s gonna choke on it.  See you around, Dep.

In Jacob’s region- “Why does everyone think that I fucked Jacob Seed?  I mean sure Jacob’s tall, buff, and okay whatever, he’s a hunk I’ll give him that.  But do you know how old he is?  47.  That’s fucking disgusting.  I ain’t nobody’s sugar baby.  Besides if someone told you were meat every day, you wouldn’t want to fuck them either.”

“I never got to properly thank you for getting me out of there Dep.  Eli’s really the only family I have left.  I’d do anything for him.  Even if that means doing some things that I don’t agree with.”

“I don’t think Jacob realizes that when he tells someone they are meat it has a different connotation when he says it to a woman.  It makes it sound like Jacob’s into some kinky shit.  Not that I would have firsthand experience about that.  Because... I don’t...”

“Truth is, I was really no one before I met Jacob.  I was just a dumb sorority girl.  Eden’s Gate trained me, they showed me how to fight.  Too bad all that training will be used to kill every single last one of them.”

“You’ve met Jacob in person before, right Dep?  He’s one ugly son of a bitch ain’t he?  He looks pretty good without a shirt though... like damn.  Did I just say that out loud?”

In John’s region- “I heard that John tattoos people’s chest then cuts off their skin and calls it ‘atonement’. I call being a perverted little shit.  He probably just kidnaps the pretty women so he can rip their shirts off.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I just waltzed into Joseph’s Compound?  Yeah my dumb ass thought it was just a new church in town.  None of the warning signs in my head were going off.  I just thought ‘hey this church has tv screens for the song lyrics, that’s cool!’  I have a selfie with Joseph Seed somewhere on my phone.  I’m pretty sure I put it on my snapchat story too.”

“If no one else is gonna talk about the elephant in the room, I’m gonna say it.  All of the Seed Brothers are hot as fuck.  Too bad they’re all fucking insane.  Man it is always the crazy ones that get ya’.  Just ask all those women that went home with Ted Bundy.  You can’t.  Because you know…  They’re dead.”

In Faith’s region- “It’s not Faith’s fault that’s she’s crazy.  She wasn’t the first one to be controlled by Joseph.  There were countless girls before her who took on the name Faith.  He even sought me out at one point.  I’m just glad it was her who took the name and not me.”

“Everybody will go on and on about how great the Hope County baseball team is but they sucked ass.  It was the softball team that were the real ball players.  We won two state championships back to back.  I hit the game winning home run for one of them.  But I’m sure Sharky and Hurk will just tell you how fun it was to get hammered at the baseball games.”

“Killing all these angels, I feel just like Rick Grimes!  You don’t watch that show?  When this is all over Dep we’re sitting on my couch and binge watching every episode.  It’s going to be freaking awesome!”

[maggotmouth]

     hullo it nora, back for more mess. this unhinged little nightmare is cecily who i first birthed around 3 years ago and i am so excited to finally be playing her again. feral wolf girl who loves silk babydoll dresses and bubblegum but would also cut your femoral artery if she was bored. is the eptome of that “somethin dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” trope. amma crellin meets harley quinn meets addy hanlon.  ( pinterest )

APP.

( nora. 22. gmt. she / her. ) it might be HER FRESHMAN year but I still think CECILY DE ROSA looks exactly like FREYA MAVOR and sometimes I think the FEMALE is actually them. Of course I’m wrong, as they’re 19 and studying THEATRE while living in FIDELIS here at Lockwood. The GEMINI can be rather PUCKISH and CANDID, but also kind of SELF-CENTRED and HYSTERICAL. Their most played song on Spotify was CELL BLOCK TANGO by CATHERINE ZETA JONES AND THE COMPANY OF CHICAGO, so I think that says a lot.

BACKGROUND.

tw death suicide murder proceed w caution

born as ‘lamia romana’ in italy to catholic parents. her father was a struggling alcoholic and incredibly depressed. when cece was 4, and her brother was 3 her father fed the gas pipe through the back of their car whilst they prepared to go on their family holiday because he knew suicide would leave his wife and children penniless so he decided the most selfless thing would be to take them with him

cecily (lamia) and her brother luc by some miracle survived the accident, but were left orphaned. they were sent to a convent where they were raised by nuns. cece was incredibly religious. it became her whole life. she was devoted to god completely, almost crazed, because in the absence of parents she transferred the need for a guider and protector onto this spiritual other evoked by her religious beliefs.

she always had a strained relationship w her brother because she believed he wasn’t as devoted to catholicism as she was. when she was 13 he claimed that god wasn’t real and that she was a freak, and in a violent rage cecily thrust a crucifix through his throat. it was completely out of character for her. she screamed until her throat went dry. eventually,  when the nuns managed to tear her away from her brother’s body, she was taken to a psychiatric hospital in manhattan where she stayed for two years. driven to madness, she convinced herself that she had been possessed by the devil the moment she killed her brother, and soon she began to accept her fate, as not holy, like she had anticipated, but in fact it’s ungoldy antithesis

when she was released, she was adopted by an american distant aunt and uncle and sent to a manhattan boarding school under the new name ‘cecily de rosa’. see also: st. trinnians. lifted of any religious obligation, cecily grew wild. she delighted in acting up, cheeking her superiors, causing havoc and chaos, terrifying the other girls. sex became her weapon – she would seduce the boys from the local comprehensive and drop them like flies. to her, it was merely a game. 

uses sex as a weapon, a way in which to manipulate men, having filmed sexual liasons with both a former acting coach and a TA to use for the purposes of blackmail. 

 her expulsion from school was threatened after she streaked the school naked and doused in pig blood, but her academic prowess was an asset to the school, so they learnt to put up with her antics. she applied for yale but didn’t get in.

 she atended juliard for a year but was thrown out for indecency

theatre-wise, one of Cecily’s most commendable traits is her sheer tenacity and lack of inhibition – she is willing to do whatever it takes to climb to the top, and kick as many other people down as necessary on her way there. tthis unhinged hunger for success was evidenced when, in her breakout role, cecily played Tamora in Titus Andronicus. feeling the presentation of one of shakespeare’s most terrifying women was ‘pussy-footed’ and dulled down for a male audience, cecily took matters into her own hands, and during the famous banquet scene where Tamora is fed her own sons, she ate a pig’s heart live on stage – receiving both awestruck and horrified press reviews for her performance -- and getting expelled from her drama school. (thats why she is now at lockwood)

she is in a sorority house n the gymnastic squad. she speaks fluently in four languages. the kind f sociopathic lana del rey writes songs about. 

was raised Roman Catholic, and although she is now estranged from religion, it’s still an integral part of her identity. She holds it partially responsible for the need to repress emotion she still experiences. The only time she allows herself to truly feel, without perceiving it as a weakness, is when she’s performing

cecily was raised with dual-nationality and is multi-lingual. Her parents frequently spoke both Italian and English around the house, leading cecily to do the same. She is also somewhat familiar with Latin, having studied it alongside Literature, Contemporary Dance and Theatre at a manhattan-based performing arts boarding school.

ethereal wood elf. plays flute and does ballet. her favourite tv shows are making a murderer and dance moms. she is big on Tchaikovsky and Bukowski. poetry to cecily is soup of the soul, despite the fact that the only things she really feels are apathy and mild disgust. her poems mostly centre around the beauty of violence -- writing about it often prevents her from committing violent acts -- and also her cat.

loves gettin fucked up. always high on sometin -- cocaine, ecstasy, love, her own ego.

had her first taste of alcohol at 15 and has stayed fond of spirits ever since. likes literature of the macabre, isn’t fond of social media, and loves knee high socks and glitter. she bites her nails, will only take cold showers, and doesn’t drink coffee. loves cats. is vegan.

she sleeps like a cat, regularly but short amounts of time, and is usually found awake at night stalking the streets in the pursuit of self-destruction. she views herself as pansexual because she is attracted to people rather than genders but she thinks men are trash. probably biromantic or homoromantic. she loves the chase. she likes meaningless sexual liasons, but if hearts are broken in the process, even better. hearts are breakable and she believes those who have them are foolish.

aesthetic:  peroxide hair in a bathtub, bleach, glittery socks under spaghetti strap heels, silk slip dresses, glitter smeared beneath eyes, split knuckles, nose bleeds, a bubble of blue gum snapped against cherry flavoured lips, orange peel, knee-high socks, tartan two-piece skirt and blazers, kate moss posters ripped out of vogue, littering a bedroom wall, yearbook photos tacked together with red thread, clip in highlights, stick on earrings, french music humming from a crackly gramophone, a hip flask covered with hello kitty stickers

PLOTS.

i currently have NO PLOTS for her so everything is open. if you want a cousin / ex-lover / friend with benefits  / bully, or are dying for a specific connection, let me know or like this post and i will msg you!! LOVE U ALL xoxo

more plots all of these are plagiarised:

“you were drunk and you climbed in through my apartment window and I’m not really sure how you managed it because not only is the fire escape broken but you are really fucking plastered wtf please, teach me your skills?”

“i set your kitchen on fire ‘by accident’ because i hate your guts, and you know it was me but you have no evidence”

“we’re in a breakfast club style all day detention”

“you came over for ‘help studying’ and my roommate came home five minutes after we were done hooking up and you got roped into a conversation about her dogs and everyone is uncomfortable”

“we’re friends but it’s a really toxic relationship made up of trying to one up each other all the time”

“I caught you writing gay porn in the library and now you’re terrified i’ll tell everyone, but really i’m just waiting for the next instalment”

“i asked you to help me sneak my cat into my dorm but we got caught by the janitor and now we’re both in the principal’s office”

“you saw me come back to my apartment covered in blood one night, but you’ve never asked about it because you’re scared that yours might be the next blood i’m covered in”

“you broke into my apartment while I was out for whatever reason and when I came home I knocked you out and now you’re unconscious on my floor and idk what to do?”

“i just decked you in the face because i’m drunk and you were pissing me off but ow my hand really fucking hurts i think i might have broke it and oh look your nose is bleeding and now we’re both sitting awkwardly in the hospital while i glare at you from across the room. but wait are you giving me sex eyes?? stop that i’m supposed to mad at you??”

“you keep dragging suspicious sacks up to and down from your apartment and I don’t know what your deal is or why I still wanna bone you”

“we’re in the same rocky horror troupe”

“i stayed over at your house and woke you up in the middle of the night to have sex while your roommate is asleep and every time, your room mate yells “STOP FUCKING, JESUS CHRIST” right when we’re about to finish”

“we used to have a thing but  now we hate each others guts and can’t be in the same room without yelling at one another”

“i had a drunk one night stand with your brother last year and i threw up in your room, and now we’re in a class together and it’s really awkward.”

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, The Twins, Chapter 6

Word Count:  1.5k

Warnings:  pregnancy, humiliation, badmouthing, degradation, mentions of emotional abuse

“Well, you don’t always have to be such a bitch to me, Addy,” Arianna hissed at her sister as she continued to stare at her phone, waiting on her mate’s word, “Addy…are you even paying attention?”

“God, what, Anna?” she hissed in response as she slammed her phone down on the table, “what is so intense and interesting that you are bugging me?”

Arianna frowned.  She had been proud over the fact that her and Ari had become an official couple and had marked one another.  But she felt a sadness as she looked at her twin.  She lowered the collar of Ari’s hoodie to show her sister the fresh mating mark she’d received from him, “I-I just wanted to tell you that Ari and I had a mating ceremony the other night…I-I tried telling you beforehand, but you weren’t answering my calls.”

Her twin rolled her eyes, lowering the collar on her dress, “yeah, great for you.  Me and Curtis mated weeks ago…was that your big news?  That you finally hooked up with a guy?”

Arianna felt a new wave of sadness creeping up on her as her sister didn’t seem to care, “y-yeah…I just-“

“Well, I have to get back to the sorority and help set up movie night for the sisters…and then tomorrow we have the party at Alpha Chi Rho…I would say that you could come…but you probably wouldn’t be interested now that you’re mated.”

“I’m sure I could talk to Ar-“

“It’s fine,” she said in an annoyed tone, brushing her sister off as she disregarded what she was saying, “isn’t your boyfriend the president of those Sigma weirdos?”

“T-they aren’t weirdos, Addy,” she sighed, “and he’s not just my boyfriend.  Ari is my mate.  We marked each other.  How would you feel if I called Curtis just ‘your boyfriend’ huh?”

Adriana only growled in response at her twin sister. 

“You know what, I’m done,” Arianna sighed, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes, “Ari told me that I should keep trying to talk to you, because you’re my sister, and family means a lot, but you clearly don’t give a damn…your mate made you a complete bitch, Addy…”

Adriana hissed at her sister as she grabbed her purse and walked away from the table. 

“I’ve really got to say that I’m overjoyed that you are with my little girl,” Dean Smith said to Ari.  Ari couldn’t help but beam at Dean Smith as he expressed his happiness over the relationship, “she’s such a good girl.  Always bright and peppy, and willing to help…and your fraternity is always helping out around campus.  I think that it’s such a good match.  If only I could find a good guy for Arianna to make her turn her life around before it’s too late.  Lord knows all she needs is a cub with some loser.”

Ari frowned as he realized that Dean Smith had been talking about his mate’s twin, and not her, “excuse me?”

“Dating that Rho,” he grunted in acknowledgement, “I bet that little slut went out to date him just to get on my nerves.  And the audacity of it is that he’s the exact kind of guy I wouldn’t want either one of my daughters dating, and they know that.  Do you know I had to bribe the high school to keep from getting her expelled?  Blew up a chem lab her freshman year and was caught selling counterfeit scent blockers to omegas in her junior and senior years…she’s always been trouble, that one.”

Ari frowned even more, “I-I didn’t know that.”

“She claimed it was because some alphas tried to make her and her sister date them, but she’s got such a wild imagination,” he grumbled angrily as he seemed to be lost in the memory, “always off doing something with her head in the clouds.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she led them on.”

Ari stifled the growl that was threatening to spill from his throat as the doorbell rang, “let me get that for you, Dean Smith.”

“Let him wait,” he muttered, following the young alpha to the door, “he’s probably just counting the seconds until this is over so the two can defile one another.  I guarantee you that is the only reason he showed up…because both the girls came over earlier together.”

But Ari rushed to the door and opened it.  Sure, enough it was Curtis.  The other alpha frowned upon seeing Ari, “turning into the butler to impress the father-in-law?”

“Just being courteous,” Ari growled, channeling his anger at him.  Curtis pushed past Ari and looked at Dean Smith.  Ari closed the door behind himself, “Dean Smith, I’m sure you remember Curtis.”

“How could I forget,” he mumbled, forcing a smile onto his face, “Mr. Everett, nice of you to stop by tonight.”

“Well, when the mate tells you dinner at the dad’s place,” he chuckled, trying to charm him.  But the Dean only frowned further, “are the girls ready for dinner or-“ 

“They said they’d come down when they were ready,” he said, cutting Curtis off, “until that time I’d like to discuss what your intentions are with my daughters…I understand that both of you marked them already.”

“Well, I fully intend on a future with your daughter,” Curtis said with a smirk, “I’m a senior and I graduate this year with my engineering degree…And I’ve already been promised a spot at Wilford Industries, where I interned last year, and have been working in my free time this year.”

“And I’ve completed two internship summers on Capitol Hill,” Ari said in response, “that was something I wanted to talk to you about at a later date…once I graduate, we’re planning on moving to DC as I’m going to be moving into a full-time position there.  I want to get a few years under my belt, but I plan on running for office and gain a following there.”

“That’s very advantageous,” Dean Smith smiled, looking back to Curtis, “it sounds like both of you have very firm plans set in place.  But I do want to stress that I believe the girls should continue with their education.”

“Yeah…” Curtis trailed off.  Dean smith frowned, sensing that he was not going to encourage his daughter to pursue her education. 

“Well gentlemen, excuse me…I’m going to go check on the girls and see if they are ready and then go to the restroom.  I’ll be back in a moment.”

The men nodded, and Ari looked at Curtis, “he thinks you’re with my mate and I’m with yours.”

Curtis frowned, “why the fuck would he think that?”

“Clearly, he thinks my mate is the subpar twin…”

Curtis chuckled, “well he’s not wrong.  I did get the better girl.”

“You seem to be skipping over the fact that he thinks you’re the subpar mate that’s with her.”

Curtis growled at that, “I’m not subpar in anything…I’m an alpha…and unlike you, Levinson, I know what it means to be an alpha.”

 “WHAT, IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS?”

Both alphas rushed up the stairs to see what was going on.  They were shocked to see Dean Smith standing in front of the nervous tigress twins with a positive pregnancy test in his hands. 

“YOU!” he seethed, growling at Arianna, “this is yours, isn’t it?  You little fucking slut.  I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your legs closed.  But to bring it into this house.  To do-“

“Now wait just a minute!” Ari growled, cutting Dean Smith off.  He reached out to Arianna, and she ran into his arms.  He let his scent wrap around her, in an attempt to calm the crying omega, “I’m not going to let you talk bad about my mate anymore.”

Dean Smith’s eyes widened, “Ari?”

“NO!” he boomed, “Arianna is my mate, and she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.  And after hearing the way you talked about her, it’s no wonder she was so closed off when she met me.  You have no idea the emotional trauma that you put her through, but it ends now.  My mate has done nothing but help the campus, and be a supportive, kind pillar within it.  She volunteers all the time because she wants to, not because I force her to.  And she’s been kind to all the students, shifter and human alike.  She’s even taken a human under her wing that was raped by a shifter in Curtis’ frat and has been counseling her.  And that chemistry project…it’s not a project.  She’s become friends with The Starks and has already secured a position at Stark Industries with Pepper Potts.  They’re working on a top-of-the-line scent blocker that’s going to reinvent the way that designations are treated.  That counterfeit that you were so against, is the formula that’s going to be the new standard.”

“A-Ari, please…let’s just go home,” she begged her mate as she clung to him, “I-I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“We’re going baby,” he said sweetly.  Then he looked back at her father, “you are just a snobby, sniveling beta who’s scared of the amazing person that his daughter is…and I’m not going to let you tear her down.  We don’t need your approval, Dean Smith…”

And with that, Ari and his mate walked out of the Smith household, Arianna having never felt so loved in her life as she watched her mate with intense admiration as he stood up for her.

Chapter  7

Tag List:  @infatuatedjanes, @lohnes16, @dontbescaredtosingalong

[headinthxclouds]

Boy Meets World

ADDIE POV 

Two weeks at college and Addie was not thriving the way that she assumed she would. No she didn’t imagine to become president of a sorority over night or to start off valedictorian, but she had expected to make a friend or two. 

She had had really high hopes for her roommate, and sure Emersyn was nice enough. But she was one of those students who had come with all of her high school friends and they weren’t looking to make new ones. No one was talking to the person who swipes the food cards in the cafeteria line and she would rather die than ever put herself through rush, not that she could afford it if she got in. No, again she stuck trying to make friends like any other new kid at school which was a skill she had never been great at. Ty had been great. While she knew he hadn’t meant to, he had slipped into Rhody’s role in her life very seamlessly. Checked in with her, made sure she had people to sit with if she was alone. At first she thought it was pity, but after a few times she had come to realize no that was just who Ty was. Addie even had, in a moment of desperation, chucked her schedule at him and begged him to tell her everything he knew about the classes and the professors. That was how Kai entered the picture. 

Addie must have looked genuinely terrified or crazy, or a combination of both, when she ran up to Ty in the food court the sunday before the first day of class. He was sitting with the boy she had seen out the window on her move in day, but Addie really really had not cared. She had plopped down and begged for any help. Ty did and then introduced the other boy. Kai. A year older, but they still had their math class together. He was nice too. He seemed to be just as confused that he had made it to college as Addie was and she really appreciated that. With minimal prompting, Kai offered to meet her at class so that they could try to get through it together. They had fit together perfectly. Kai was quiet where Addie was loud, Kai’s notes made sense where Addie’s never did, Addie could ask all questions while Kai could write down the answers. They talked, they hung outside outside of class, campus started to feel less lonely. It was only two friends, but they were better friends than she had ever had before. 

Another two weeks went by. She had met some of Kai’s friends, Emersyn’s friends at least acknowledged her when she came into the room. There was a group of sorority girls that she saw around everywhere, but none of them ever acknowledged her one way or another. Things were slowly moving in the right direction. Until, after a call with Rhody, she remembered at some point she was going to have to take a test in at least one class. That was how college worked. So it was much to her dismay when she checked her syllabi and that multiple were approaching much faster than she had anticipated. That was how Jeb entered the picture. 

JEB POV

College. Was. Awesome. Jeb didn’t get why Kai had downplayed it so much. His classes were really interesting and he was learning a lot with people who also wanted to learn like he did. Everyone had been nice and Jeb had quickly fallen into a little friend group in each class he had. His roommate lived in town so he was gone more often than not, most of the time Jeb felt like he lived in a single. He was thinking more and more about rushing every day and had met guys that actually made it seem like it was a good idea. He knew that Kai would give him shit, but he didn’t care. He was just thankful that Kai was around every day to give him shit about it. 

The year previous, with Kai off at school and Jeb stuck at home, hadn’t been a nightmare like he had expected it to be but it hadn't been ideal either. There was a lot more attention on him than there had ever been before and it wasn’t something he had been the biggest fan of. Of course he missed his mother, but it was nice to be away from all the attention and to have Kai back to being just down the hall. That was how Ty entered the picture. 

Jeb had heard about Ty all throughout the year previous, of course, but it wasn’t like Kai had brought him home for the weekend or anything like that. And when Jeb had come and visited, Kai had made sure that it was brother time so while he had met Ty in passing, he hadn’t really hung around. This year was different. It was clear Kai and Tyler where actual friends, not just class friends or situation friends. Tyler took to Jeb quickly and introduced him to Elliott as well, a connection that was instant and evident to everyone in the group. Everything seemed to be going exactly how he had pictured for his first year of college. He felt like it was too good to be true and Jeb was silently waiting for the other shoe to drop. That was how Addie entered the picture. 

The little group was sitting at a booth in, what had become, their spot in the food court. It wasn’t the most popular so there were always tables big enough for all of them and people tended to leave them alone, even if they started to get a little loud which they tended to do often. Kai and Jeb on one side, Tyler and Elliott on the other, all helping each other as the first round of exams that was coming up. None of them expected an Addie, still in her uniform, to come barreling toward them and plopping at the head of the table. 

“Please tell me you’re going to be here for a while?” She shot at Kai and Tyler, not even noticing the two other men that she did not know at the table. Jeb jumped about a foot as he stared at the woman who looked like she was in the middle of a panic. “Aren’t you working?” Ty asked, trying to figure out where she had come from and how she had managed to get away from the scanners. “I am, they’ll be fine for five minutes. Will you be here for a while?” She turned to Kai since Ty didnt seem to be of much help. He nodded and the woman seemed to let out a sigh of relief. “Okay. I need help when I’m off work.” Kai nodded again. “Well come back when you’re done, we’ll be here but um.. Your line?” She turned around and saw that a very long line had formed in the short time she had run away. “Shit! Okay Um.. I’ll be back in 30.” She took off back  towards her post. “Don’t leave or I’ll cut your dicks off!” She yelled back over her shoulder. 

Jeb sat with his jaw dropped as everyone seemed to go back to work like nothing had happened. He looked at Elliott who didn’t seem confused like he expected and so Jeb finally spoke up. “I’m sorry. Who was that?” Tyler looked back towards the scanners, “Oh that’s Addie. She’s a freshman in my dorm.” Jeb’s eyes practically bugged out of his head as he looked at his brother. “That’s Addie?” He had heard plenty about Addie since the year started. This girl that had started to follow Kai around, but was actually endearing and fun. Kai didn’t mind her company. The way Kai and Ty talked about her, he had expected some nerdy, mousy type. He had not expected this loud, strong, chaotic, beautiful woman to be the person who had taken up such time in his brothers life. “Yeah, that’s Addie. You know her.” Jeb shook his head quickly and looked over towards the line. “No, I’ve never met her. I’ve just heard about her.” The other three exchanged a quick look and Elliott smiled. “Well say hi because I don’t think she’s going anywhere.” 

ADDIE’S POV 

Addie was incredibly thankful to have a job that both gave her money and paid for the majority of her meals. That being said, it took up way more time than she had expected it to when she had signed up and it was cutting into her grades. THe frustration only mounted when she could see all of her friends studying and she couldn’t be a part of it. She had to study with a group or she could not focus at all. Her ADHD wouldn’t allow it and her dyslexia made it so easy to just give up. Addie didn’t think about all of the people in her line that needed to be swiped before she took off to the table in the corner. 

Much to her dismay, Tyler and Kai did not seem to grasp her urgency and it was severely pissing her off. The other two were just staring at her like she had three heads but she didn’t pay them any attention. By the time she got an answer from the older two and  returned to her station, the line was long and everyone was severely pissed off. Her supervisor was walking up just as she was. “I-I’m sorry. I really needed to make sure I still had a study group after this and my friends hadn’t answered their phones so I saw them and I jus-” Addie’s supervisor held up her hand. “Why don’t you get out of here for the day and we’ll discuss this tomorrow.” That didn’t sound good at all. “No, no! I can finish it up!” 

“You’re wasting more of their time. We will talk tomorrow.” Addie knew there was no point in arguing. If she was going to get fired and have to figure out a way to pay for her meals, may as well drag it out one more day. She just nodded and headed to the back lockers to change and grab her things. She changed back into her oversized Ramones tshirt, bike shorts and a baseball cap to make the wavy hair she had from not washing it for a few days look intentional, not gross. Addie had never cared about what she looked like and she didn’t feel like starting now, but she had grown increasingly aware since starting college that that was an unpopular opinion. Another thing to worry about at a later day. She grabbed her backpack and the books that hadn’t fit and hurried back to the table in the corner. 

The group had gone back to studying, seemingly not having seen anything that had happened with her supervisor. “Hey.” She pulled up a chair to the end of the table since it wasn’t like there was any room in the booth for her like there usually was. Kai raised an eyebrow at her. “I thought you said 30 minutes?” Addie shrugged and started to pull out her books. “They cut me early..” Tyler and Kai exchanged a look but neither one said anything. “So here’s the deal I learned that I have a bunch of tests coming up and I kind of forgot about tests because they’re not weekly like high school and I can’t…” She stopped herself, not really feeling like spilling all of her secrets. “I just don’t like tests, I feel like I forget everything when I sit down so I know I already need help but I’m going to need so much help.” 

“I can help.” Addie looked at the boy next to her for the first time. He was cute, he had a sweet look on his face and his red hair was all tussled like he had been running his hair through it all afternoon. “I don’t know you.” It wasn’t rude or judgemental, just a statement of fact really. The red head seemed flustered at the attention and that only annoyed her. She had enough to deal with without some guy who couldn’t get his words out. “I’m Jeb. Kai’s brother.” Something clicked in Addie’s head. This was the kid she had seen the first day she had moved in outside of the dorm. “I know you! I mean.. No I don’t. But i saw you on move in day. I’m Addie.” 

JEB’S POV 

The psychology textbook that usually made so much sense to him just looked like nonsense once Addie ran away again. He knew nothing about the girl, outside of what he had heard from Kai, but after that run in he wanted to know everything. Why hadn’t she looked at him? Why hadn’t Kai ever introduced them? Was Kai interested in Addie? Was Ty interested in Addie? What was Addie even interested in that they thought they had a chance? It was pretty presumptuous of them. He was working himself up that when Addie came back, it ook him a moment to realize it. But she was back and she looked different, but better. More comfortable more at ease. When she looked over at him, his brain went completely blank. By the time Jeb formulated an answer, she looked annoyed. That wasn’t what he wanted. That was the last thing he wanted. 

“You did?” The initial shock of her rudeness disappeared quickly because she seemed, not like she was trying to be rude. She seemed really, really overwhelmed with school which was the one thing that he knew he could help with. And he wanted to. He wanted to so badly. “We must be in the same building then. I don’t know why I haven’t seen you around.” This just warranted a laugh from Tyler. “She’s on floor three, room 302. You’re on floor one and you’re rarely there. It’s not rocket science.” Both Addie and Jeb flushed a little bit, but Addie recovered first. “So.. You can help me? Like actually?” Jeb shrugged. Sure he was great at school, but he didn’t know what Addie was studying or what she was bad at. “I can try.” This time is was Elliott’s turn to laugh. 

“She needs actual help Jeb? Not just you giving tips on how to highlight.” Nobody else probably saw it, but hurt flashed across Addie’s face for the briefest of seconds. Jeb saw it. This was something she was highly sensitive about and although everyone knew that Elliott was joking, it was clear that it wasn’t one that was appreciated by Addie. “Well.. like I said I can try? I mean, I don’t know what classes you have but I’’m good at school so I can at leat try and figure it out? Unless you’d rather have one of them?” He looked at the other three at the table who had suddenly become very engrossed in their own work. Addie looked at them as well. It was clear she was weighing pros and cons to studying with him. There was no way she was as bad as she made herself out to be. Finally, she spoke. “I mean Ty helps with math and I don’t want to mess up something that’s working but for everything else.. I’ll take whoever wants to help me so if you’re offering...” Jeb gave a quick nod. “I am. The tiniest smile cracked across Addie’s face. “Alright then. Thank you.” And the pair went back to their own work, a little less focused on the task at hand, but much more interested in their exams.

@smoothededgesx

[hushedhands]

the more i think about college, the more i think about addy in college in 2019. imagine her as a sorority girl with an instagram flow? imagine her at like a huge state school football game and tailgate? imagine her at Stanford? so many different possibilities and all make me like her even more haha

I love her she deserves this 😍