#actually watching the match or refreshing scores

[lettinggolanterns]

The highs and lows of seeing Andrey up in the first set tie break, then seeing that he actually lost the first set but won the second, and then nervously refreshing the score to see that he won the match.

I’m exhausted.

[ceesimz]

Reverie - Part 2

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - part one here

Hey, welcome back for part two :) Thank you so much for the love, this genuinely wouldn't have been posted had it not been for the reaction to the first. Again, more things I wanna mention before reading. This part includes the aftermath of a bad meltdown, but the actual meltdown part is not written in. This was a personal decision because quite honestly there is no way to sum that experience down into a few words, it's impossible. The best example I have seen of a meltdown in the media is the character of Quinni in Heartbreak High on Netflix, if you're interested then you should watch that scene in the first season. I hope you enjoy this second part, thank you for taking the time to read it, let me know what you think :)

Your first Champion’s League game for Barcelona, a group stage game against PSG at home, didn’t quite go as planned.

From the first minute of the game, things weren’t clicking out on the pitch for you. Passes to and from you weren’t connecting, you were losing duels you definitely shouldn’t and you were missing key, game-changing shots. 

Half-time came way too quickly, and to everybody’s frustration, the score was still 0-0. As everyone sat in the changing rooms receiving treatment or refreshing themselves with energy drinks and whatnot, the result wasn’t the thing at the forefront of Ingrid's mind. It was you. She could see defeat written all over you before the match had even concluded. It didn’t bode well what this game was doing to you. Before she could do anything, she was called away for a tactical discussion. Then the break was over and everybody was being ushered back to the pitch, and her opportunity was gone.

Rough challenges, an open goal miss, and a yellow card later, you were done for. Your streak was over, you knew what was coming and there was no way to avoid it.

Nobody heard from you for ten hours, nobody saw you at any point after the game, and quite frankly nobody knew where you were. Ingrid knew though. And if her gut feeling about what had happened was correct, she was going to need back up for this one. She hadn’t dealt with a situation like this for a while now, and she felt a little out of her depth.

“Why didn’t anybody stay with her last night?” Alexia asked with a deep-set frown, rushing to your flat alongside Mapi and Ingrid. “You guys live in the same complex as her, why didn’t you check up on her?”

“I don’t know, Alexia! If I could go back and change it, I would, I swear.” Ingrid replied desperately, looking through her keys to find the one to her old flat. 

“Hey, let’s not argue. She won’t be in any fit state to deal with that, we can hash it out later.” Mapi attempted to de-escalate the situation whilst taking the keys from her girlfriend's shaking hands and quietly unlocking the door.

The thing they'd all been worried about made its presence known immediately. Ingrid’s heart broke, and she’d never regretted a decision more in her life.

By the door, your bag had been thrown haphazardly towards the shoe rack, causing the contents of both items to be strewn across the entryway. As the trio stepped past the mess and entered the main room, their concern doubled. There seemed to be two smashed glasses in the kitchen, one of the framed prints from your lounge wall had fallen down, a plant had been knocked over, yet there was no sign of you. The curtains were drawn, the lights were off, and the flat was deathly silent.

“What do we do?” Alexia questioned quietly, afraid of shattering the calm that had seemingly settled after the storm, and unsure what the best way to go about this was. She'd never really experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree.

“Can you two clean up a bit? She will be in bed, I should go to her first I think.” Ingrid decided as her eyes were glued to your closed bedroom door.

“Of course. If either of you need anything, princesa, just shout for us.” Mapi reminded her, knowing that whatever was in store for her behind your bedroom door could be mentally taxing for her too. She nodded, and at that left the two Spaniards to clean up as she went off to do some damage control.

What greeted her when she entered your room was a sight she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since the several hour journeys the pair of you would make throughout Germany to meet up, not since national camps, not for years. 

Ingrid found you as a disfigured lump under the duvet, the only thing visible being your hair peeking out just slightly. Again, the lights were off and the curtains were drawn, but with it being morning there was enough daylight bleeding through the soft material to let her look around the room. Just like the rest of the flat, it was in a concerning state of disarray. That wasn't at the forefront of her mind though right now though.

“Elskling?” She called out softly, though got no response. Her only option was to step closer, around to the side of the bed you lay on to try and get your attention.

You were lay on your stomach, cheek smushed against the mattress, and most unnervingly of all, your eyes were open and staring straight ahead at the wall in front. The look on your face was hauntingly empty, yet agonised all in one.

“Hey.” Ingrid whispered, kneeling down before you, yet you didn't even acknowledge she was there. 

It was that moment that the defender noticed the tear tracks, the redness to your face, and the internal agony and undertones of fear present in your blood-shot eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat, broken at the sight of you, before gently placing her hand on your back atop the sheets.

“If you can hear me, min engel, just give me a tiny nod at least. That's all I ask.” The relief that flooded her when you did exactly what she said was immense, it filled her from head to toe, so grateful you were at least present in the room now. 

“Thank you, that's all I needed.” She smiled sadly, delicately pushing a few strands of hair out of your face. “I'm going to sit here with you for as long as you need. María and Alexia are here too but they won't come in unless you say otherwise, they are just cleaning up for you. I love you, søster, I am always going to love you no matter what.”

Her words, her compassionate and caring words, broke through the trance you'd been in ever since your explosive meltdown had ended however long ago. Ingrid's unconditional love that she consistently showed towards you made itself known yet again, it being quite possibly the one sole thing that could get through to you in this precarious moment. 

The taller woman panicked the moment she saw you tearing up again, worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then your arm reached out from under the covers and grasped desperately at the hand on your back.

“It's okay, it's okay. I've got you. I'm here, you're safe, and I've got you.” Her free hand came up to wipe the tears that fell silently, the repetitive movement of her thumb across your wet cheeks a comfort you clung onto. Meanwhile, the arm of hers you'd grabbed now had both your arms wrapped around it, eyes scrunched tightly shut to keep the tears at bay as much as possible. 

It wasn't possible though, they were coming out thick and fast with no way of stopping them.

“Let it out, snuppa, you will feel better.”

And let it out you did; all the anger you directed at yourself the second the final whistle blew the day before dissipated, and a fatalistic sadness washed over you. You don't know how long you spent sobbing into the mattress, all you knew was that Ingrid was there and she wasn't leaving. She repeated reassuring words over and over until they finally registered, eventually helping you to calm down.

All that was left was an exhausted, now mindless shell of you, stuttered breaths sounding through the quiet room every so often. Ingrid's hand was tracing light circles on the palm of yours, whilst she was quietly suffering through a numb arm that you held onto still.

“Have you had anything to eat or drink since yesterday?” Ingrid asked, her assumption confirmed by the slight shake of your head. “Can I leave for a few seconds to get you something, or shall I ask one of the girls to do it?”

“Stay.” You could barely get the single word out; your throat was already dry and hurting from the exertion it had experienced in the last twelve hours or so, nevermind the mental challenge it was to speak.

“Alright, I will stay. Is it okay if one of them comes in then?” Another tiny, barely noticeable nod. “I will text them, thank you.”

No more than a few silent minutes later, there was a polite knock on the door, shortly followed by Alexia walking in with a tray in her arms. On it was a glass of water, a variety of snacks, some electrolyte tablets and even a box of tissues. She had really thought of it all.

Alexia’s eyes glanced up to where you were, before turning back to Ingrid with a questioning look in her eyes. Ingrid only shook her head, and Alexia took that as her cue to leave. It was clear, from just one momentary glance, that Ingrid still had more progress to make with you, so Alexia quietly slipped straight back out of the room.

When Ingrid turned back to you, all she saw was the sixteen year old version of you, crying in a hotel room hours from home after being dropped to the bench for an upcoming match. She saw the seventeen year old inside of you, the one that had gotten way past drunk at a party and had collapsed into a blubbering, destroyed mess on your bed after near enough carrying you home. She saw you at twenty, breaking down when she revealed she was moving to Wolfsburg, fumbling through the congratulatory messages whilst trying to come to terms with the fact your best friend was moving to a whole different country, feeling like the world was collapsing around you. You, twenty-three, leaving your last national camp, physically and mentally ruined, unable to talk, body and mind exhausted after a night of tears, frustration, and a soul crushing amount of remorse at the decision you had no choice but to make.

Every version of yourself, past and present, was right there in front of her; every version needing the support she was giving. Every version was still alive in some way, they would never die. With this disorder, things don’t come and go, they’re always there, ready to be triggered at any given moment. She had seen this one and the others a handful of times before, but you’d have them with you for the rest of your life. Your own cross to bear, something she’d never come to experience or understand, but if she can carry the load with you then she’d give up everything else in her life to do so.

“Are you ready to sit up? Ale brought in some stuff for you.” She said, her hand resting on your cheek and caressing it lightly. 

You only shrugged, not quite ready to leave your space yet. If you moved now, you had to face the world again, had to recover from the night’s meltdown and move on. It was daunting, nothing short of terrifying, and the longer you could delay the process, the better.

“The three of us have cleared our day, should you need us. We’ll go at your pace, do things how you want. I’ll be right here.” 

You found solace in Ingrid’s company; having her here meant you could relax and focus on something else other than the noise in your head. Your thoughts were having a whale of a time up there, you couldn’t land on a single one as they were spiralling around too much to pick one out. It was exactly that - just noise. But then you’d avert your eyes slightly to the left and land on a certain dark-haired woman, and everything went silent. Knowing that Alexia and Mapi were just a few metres away behind the door might have made you panic, but you trusted them both and knew that they were equally concerned about you as Ingrid was. As Alexia had told you since one of the first times you spoke to her, she wanted to be a person you felt comfortable with to go to about any problems, and you did trust her. Mapi too, though she came as an unspoken package deal with Ingrid, whether she liked that or not.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, surprising yourself as much as you did Ingrid. She frowned at you, wondering why of all things you could say after the difficult time you’d had in the last day, you chose to apologise.

“Sorry about what? You don’t need to apologise for anything, elskling.” She told you, finally moving her dead arm to hold one of your hands and squeeze it comfortingly.

“Yesterday. The match. Me.” Talking was still hard, but the guilt was monumental.

“The result wasn’t your fault. That’s just how football is sometimes, but we didn’t lose and we still have more group stage games to go. The whole team was off, it wasn’t your fault.” Ingrid reminded you, her eyes wide as she tried to get the message through to you.

“Yellow card.”

“You did get a yellow card, but we all saw the replay afterwards and you got the ball. The referee got it wrong. You also scored our only goal of the game, engel, don’t forget that.” She shuffled a little closer on her knees, placing another kiss to your forehead.

“Suppose so.” You grumbled a minute later, Ingrid smiling in amusement.

“You did so.” She commented, thumb still stroking along the skin of your cheekbone. “Did you have a bad meltdown last night?”

“Mhm.” You hummed dejectedly, overcome with shame and embarrassment at now admitting it to someone. The evidence of it was all around, you knew the trio in your house had seen it all, but there was something gut-wrenching about admitting it aloud.

“Okay. We’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together, don’t worry.” Ingrid stated resolutely, like there was no other option.

With the next thing you said, someone might have to come along and piece Ingrid back together.

“Why do they have to happen, Ingrid? I hate them so fucking much.” 

All your vulnerabilities poured out in two short sentences. Twenty-six years later and the process of a meltdown never got any less demoralising.

“I know, I know.” She moved from her place on the floor and clambered onto the bed behind you, recognising that you had entered a head space where you’d feel comfortable with it now. You confirmed that for her by rolling onto your side, allowing her to shuffle up and hug you tightly back to her chest. “Hey, think of it this way. This is your first one since moving to Spain, that’s amazing! I’m so proud. You’ve handled everything so well, I bet younger you is so proud too.”

Progress wasn’t linear, and it didn’t have the same definition in this case as it did for the majority of the population. Progress meant learning about yourself, learning what harmed you and what you couldn’t deal with, so that you could come up with solutions. There wasn’t a way to grow comfortable with certain things, like restaurants for example, it was about realising what precautions had to be taken beforehand and what support you needed afterwards. Progress was being able to ask people for help, it was having the courage to say no to plans you wouldn’t be able to cope with, it was accepting that yes, you were different, but no, it didn’t make you any less worthy than the next person.

You had made progress, but not the textbook definition of it. Autism took everything about the allistic world and re-defined it for itself.

“Thank you.” You said, voice cracking a little as you did so, a slither of a smile on your face when Ingrid kissed the back of your neck. “Love you, Ingrid.”

The defender felt as if her heart had burst upon hearing those two words. But with the swell of joy that filled her chest, quickly came the crushing sense of regret from earlier.

“I love you too. I'm sorry for not being here last night. I could have helped, or just been with you, and I didn't. I'm sorry for that.” 

Her apology tugged at your heart; you didn't blame her, not one bit. 99% of the time, there was no stopping these things, no matter what you tried or who you were with.

“It's okay. Thank you for being here now.” 

Ingrid nestled in closer at that, and the strength of her hug was the exact kind of pressure needed for the remnants of the dark cloud that had hung over you for a while to finally drift away. The pair of you stayed that way for a while, both more than happy to relish in the peace that had settled, but when there are two antsy women only a few feet behind the door, a disruption is inevitable.

“Can they come in? They’re both worried and will just want to see you're okay.” Ingrid asked quietly after one of them had knocked on the door. You nodded sheepishly, so Ingrid called them in.

“How are things going in here?” Mapi asked carefully, smiling at her girlfriend who gave her a reassuring nod.

“Good. We’re doing okay now.” Ingrid answered honestly, feeling just as relieved as the two Spaniards at the door looked.

“You guys can come in instead of hanging around by the door.” You told them, Ingrid stifling her laughter behind you.

“You two look cosy. Let me join, I'm jealous.” Mapi grinned, dramatically diving onto the bed and sighing contently as she threw an arm around Ingrid's waist.

Alexia was still lingering awkwardly at the door as three of you lay in one double bed, thinking that she didn't want to intrude on a friendship that had been around far longer than she'd known you. But, as you had done for months now, you continued to surprise her.

“Come lay here, Ale.” You waved her over and pointed for her to lay beside the bed on the ground.

Ale. Sure, everybody called her that, but today was the first time you called her that.

She came over in a heartbeat, probably too eager, but she immediately got down and laid on her back beside you. You looked down at her with a shy smile, red eyes and all, and she returned it instantly with pink cheeks.

“Have you eaten yet?” She whispered, looking at the untouched tray of goods next to her. As you shook your head, she reached to grab the paper bag of bakery-bought cookies she had found in your kitchen and opened them, before taking one out and breaking a bit off to give to you. “Cookies for breakfast.”

“Cookies for breakfast.” You gladly took it and ate it, all whilst smiling down at the woman on the floor.

Alexia Putellas, your captain, a World Cup winner, voted best player in the world numerous times, laying on the floor of your apartment just for you. Playing for this team, in this city, was still such a perplexing situation, though fortunately for all the right reasons.

The rest of the day was spent with Mapi and Ingrid as you had told Alexia to go to her family dinner she had initially cancelled. She was reluctant to do so, but eventually she agreed and you were left with Ingrid and her hyperactive counterpart. They kept you distracted enough throughout the day, going for a walk with you, watching a movie with you, even inviting you back to their apartment for dinner where you spent the majority of the time with Bagheera on your lap. Mapi made digs at the fact her cat loved you more than her, and you just sat there with a grin on your face, knowing it was true and revelling in it. 

At the end of the night, you insisted on going back to your own flat after telling the pair of them you were tired of third-wheeling. With tight hugs from them both and one last gloat from you as Bagheera followed you to the door, you left them and made the very short journey back home. You had unknowingly left your phone there, and as you checked it for the first time in a couple hours, there was a surprise waiting for you on it.

Alexia: Would you like to get breakfast with me tomorrow? 

Alexia: I can meet you at your apartment and we can walk somewhere of your choice

Alexia: But if you don't want to, that’s okay!

Her nervousness radiated through the phone with her slight spam of texts, and you couldn’t help but smile at how endearing it was. As if you could ever say no to that. Even if it was a last minute change of plan, all you were going to do tomorrow was maybe go on a run or go to the gym before staying home all day. This was a welcome surprise.

Sticking true to her word, she showed up at 9am on the dot. Anyone would assume it was the middle of winter in Norway with the way she was dressed, when it was just a rainy day in Barcelona. But she was there, a shy smile on her face that was very uncharacteristic for her as she handed you one of the two umbrellas she had in her hands.

“I do have my own umbrella here, Ale.” You teased her, though you took it and closed the door behind you. When you turned back, there was a red shade to her cheeks.

“Well, good morning to you too.” She grumbled, trying to act grumpy but the smile on her face forced its way through sooner than she wanted. As soon as it did, she drew you in for one of those hugs that you may or may not think about more often than you'd admit.

You both easily fell into step after that, heading towards a quiet little cafe you had frequented since your first week in Barcelona. It was a short walk from your apartment, but that didn’t stop the grumbled complaints from Alexia about the weather the whole way, though by the time you arrived you were quite sure she was doing it just to hear you laugh. Again, it surprised you just how naturally conversation flowed between you both. There was no awkwardness, no nerves, just unfiltered joy spilling from the both of you. It hit you then. You were just being yourself around her. And that’s why it felt so good.

There was no reason to mask around Alexia; you felt safe around her. You could do or say anything, and most likely she would just smile right back at you. She’d seen most versions of you by now, and yet here she still was, inviting you out for breakfast even if it did rain on her parade. She had seen you at your happiest in your first game for the team when she came sprinting over, leading the charge for her teammates to celebrate with you. She saw you yesterday morning after a night of horror, eyes red and puffy, wrapped up unmoving in bed, and she lay on the floor beside you still with a smile on her face. You had already let her in more than some of the people you were closest with back in Germany and her opinion never faltered. 

After finding a table, beside the window of course, Alexia went off to order for the pair of you. Though, when she came back, there was a surprise on your plate.

“Why’d you get me this?” You asked shyly.

“Because it is your… your comfort food, right? I thought you would like it.” She shrugged the gesture off, sitting down across from you like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean everything to you. It wasn’t the cookie itself that had your heart racing, it was the thought behind it that topped your heart back up with the love it needed after the past thirty-six hours.

“They are, but you didn’t have to do this for me. Thank you.” You said, hiding your smile by taking a drink of the hot cocoa you had chosen.

“Eh, it’s nothing. Have you ever tried this?” She gestured to her choice of meal, one of her favourites. “Pa amb tomàquet.”

“I don’t like tomatoes.” 

“Oh no, cariño.” Alexia muttered after a few quiet moments, shaking her head and dropping her cutlery. “No, no, no.”

“What?” You said in amusement, entertained by her dramatics.

“You just stamped on my culture. You broke my heart.”

“I broke your heart, did I?” You said with a smirk. “You broke my heart when you complained about the rain the whole way here.”

“How can anyone like rain? It is sad and boring.” She argued in mock outrage, though of course she can’t last a second around you without smiling.

“The rain reminds me of home.” You revealed sheepishly. Alexia’s shoulders dropped and her face softened instantly. “Both Norway and Germany, actually.”

“No, I understand. I get it. I never thought about it like that but I understand.” She told you, watching as you nodded and looked out the window. “Do you get homesick?”

“Sometimes.” You admitted in a whisper a minute later, only to clear your throat and turn your attention back to your food and start eating.

“You… you never speak Norwegian with Ingrid.” She stated, though it was clearly more of a question.

“Uh, nope. I find it hard to learn new languages, so when I learnt English and moved to Germany, it was like it became my first language. I can speak Norwegian still, obviously, and I would love to learn Spanish and Catalan but it’s just really tiring switching between languages. Mentally tiring, that is. I never learnt German other than a few basic phrases. It’s just too much to process if that makes sense.” 

You stumbled your way through an explanation of a minor secret you’d been a little shameful of for a while now. It was common courtesy to learn and understand the language of a new country, as well as immersing yourself in that and the culture, but it was something you had always struggled with. Admitting that to someone like Alexia was slightly terrifying.

“That’s okay, a lot of people here speak English so you don’t need to worry about learning the languages. But if you ever want some lessons, if or when you are ready, I could help. Or Aitana, or Jana, or someone else.” 

It was suggestions like that, easy solutions that were offered with no second thought, that made Alexia so endearing.

There was one thought that was ever-present in the back of your mind though, it had been for a while, but the meltdown brought it on even stronger. Once the pair of you had finished your meals and were merely just enjoying each other’s company, it came out before you could stop it.

“Do you think I’m doing well here?”

Alexia paused for a moment to think carefully, before placing her cup down and smiling over at you.

“I do. You want to know what I think?” You nodded with no hesitation. “I remember watching you play against us in the Champion’s League last year, you really caused us a lot of problems. And then I heard the coaches say they were thinking of signing you, and I really wanted you to come because I know you would flourish here. Our play style suits you well, and you are an amazing striker. Your positioning, your creativity, awareness, you are a well-rounded attacker. And outside of the pitch, well… the team is much better off with you here.”

“What do you mean?” You said, almost in a whisper.

“You are just a happy person. The happiest person in the changing room. Any one of us could be having a bad day, but then you are there with your smile and your cheeriness and it really lifts us all up.”

Dumb-founded. That's all you felt in that moment. 

Perhaps your face may not show that considering there was a thoughtful frown on your face as you processed the words nobody had ever said to you before, but then the slight shock wore off and… nope, still dumb-founded.

“Really?” You had to double check, because is that honestly what other people thought of you?

“Yes. It's the truth. Ingrid said she has never seen you bond like this with a team before. Believe me when I say you fit in, everybody loves you. We can't imagine what it's like to not have you now.” 

Well. You just might have to start believing that. What choice were you left with otherwise?

—

Something snapped inside of you after that day. A new problem had formed, one you couldn’t have expected at all. Had you dealt with a similar situation in the past? Yes. But those were much more convenient occasions. This one couldn’t be more inconvenient if you tried.

You couldn’t talk to Mapi about it, or Ingrid, or Alexia. Definitely not Alexia. 

It’s just a crush. You could get over a crush. 

Of course you fall for the first person who showed you a bit of humanity. What’s not to like about Alexia?

She lets you ramble to her when you want to, she sits in silence with you when you need it. During briefings at training, she’ll hand over a pack of chewing gum as she knows it helps you to concentrate or, even in some situations outside of training, she takes her rings off and lets you wear them so you can fidget with them instead of your bad habits of skin picking. She’s seen you very close to your worst, and she’s seen you at your best. She gives you her sunglasses whenever a place is too bright, not just because of the sun as it can be any kind of light, and she lets you squeeze her hand to death during take-offs and landings on planes whilst travelling for away games.

Maybe, maybe, it was a tad more than a crush. It’s not your fault though! She chose to act this way, she had inserted herself right into your life the moment she met you, so… what else were you supposed to do?

Oh boy. 

“Frido! I need your help!” You said in an urgent, hushed whisper. The unsuspecting Swede was just walking to her car after training when you called her name from the window of your own vehicle.

“Everything okay?” She checked with a concerned scowl to her eyebrows, coming over in an instant.

“Yes! Well, no, but yes, but- just get in the car please.” 

With a humoured smile, Frido headed around to the passenger side and hopped in, turning to you with an open expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit agitated.” She probed once more. Being long-time friends with Ingrid meant you had obviously come to know Frido well too, and she was part of the group you found yourself in at Barcelona, with Aitana and Esmee also. Esmee was the person you sat with on the coach most of the time, you both gave each other the calmness needed after a game… but that was when you weren't with Alexia, of course.

“Yes, I am just screwed, Frido. So screwed.” You groaned, clutching the steering wheel tightly and dropping your forehead to rest on it.

“Why?” 

“I shouldn’t tell anyone but it’s going to explode out of me if I don't talk about it soon. And I can’t tell Ingrid or Mapi, so here we are.” Then you slumped back against your chair, a frustrated sigh leaving you as you crossed your arms.

“You can tell me anything, they don’t have to know. Getting it off your chest will help.” Frido smiled reassuringly at you. 

It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell anyone about it. Having someone else know made it a reality, for you right now it was just a thought, a daydream. But telling Frido would turn this stupid delusion into an actual, real problem rather than something you thought about at night. And during the day. Actually, most of the t- it doesn't matter. 

“You must never tell a soul, Frido.” You glared at her in warning, though you trusted her with your life. “And you can't make fun of me or laugh either. It's not funny.”

“Never, snuppa. I promise.” She swore.

Another sigh as your eyes flitted around anxiously, moving from the car beside you, to the sky, to the blonde waiting patiently for you to find the words you need. Maybe the world will be thrown upside down when you tell her, but it's either that or an implosion, so.

“I like Alexia. Really like her. And it's going to ruin my life.” 

It did not feel better saying it out loud.

“Why wou-”

“Because she is the captain! She’s the leader, everyone looks up to her, she's just being a human and now I have a crush on her! That's not fair on her! All she’s doing is just being nice to me, like everyone else on the team, and my stupid brain had to choose her. Of all people in the world, her! It's going to mess everything up, I've just found my place and I'm finally feeling somewhat comfortable here and then this happens and I just- I hate it!”

Your words shocked yourself, even. Apparently it was a much bigger problem than you initially thought. In reality, you should have picked up on that, relationships historically haven't gone well for you. 

Everybody says they don't care that you're autistic until your disability actually debilitates you. One glimpse of it and they’re gone. Then the world has the audacity to label you as someone who is ‘high-functioning’ with ‘low support needs’ just because you can get up in the morning and go to work. That doesn't mean you struggle any less, you’re not ‘mildly autistic’, those struggles are simply just internalised, therefore other people experience your autism mildly. If anything, they should be thanking you. Thanking you for making their life easier by making your own a million times harder.

Should Alexia ever see you during one of your meltdowns, she’d probably run for the hills. Quit her career, change her name, and flee to another country. That’s what most people did.

“Slow down, slow down. Come back to me, you are spiralling.” There were soft hands holding your own now, stopping you from palming them roughly against your arms, something you did in anxious moments like now. Movement helped you process things, it was no wonder you became a footballer.

“I don’t know what to do, Frido, it will ruin everythi-”

“Hey, be quiet for a moment.” She urged gently, and you turned to look at her with panic in your eyes. “This won’t ruin everything, that is just your anxiety talking. You’re allowed to have a crush on someone, skatt, you’re only human. It’s natural.”

“Yes, but it’s not the fact I have a crush, it’s who the crush is.”

“I know.” She paused for a second, figuring out the best way to help you around this. “When you talk to me, who do you see? Do you see Frido, your friend? Or do you see Fridolina Rolfö, the footballer?”

“I see Frido, my friend.” You answered skeptically.

“When you’re with Alexia, do you see her as Ale, your friend? Or do you see Alexia Putellas, your captain?” 

“She’s just Ale, but I don’t-”

“If you see Alexia like that normally, why are you picturing her differently in this case? As if she’s bigger than you and… unobtainable?”

Viewing it from another perspective definitely gave you some clarity. 

…But, after all, she is your captain?

“I don’t want to mess this opportunity up though. I was really worried I wouldn’t like it here, but now I do and I actually already love it more than Germany, but if I ever acted upon my feelings it could fuck it all up. I don’t know if I could handle that.” You said insecurely, chewing on your lower lip to keep the emotions at bay. 

When Frido had been silent for too long, you turned to look at her, only to find she was doing the same thing. As if she was deep in thought. Before you could coax whatever was clearly on the tip of her tongue out of her though, she was speaking.

“I know something that I shouldn’t. I’m going to tell you anyway because I think it will make you feel a lot better.” She began with a shy, yet excited expression to her features.

“What is it?” You prompted.

“Last week, in Seville. I was walking to my hotel room and… Mapi and Ale were ahead of me in the corridor. I don’t think they knew I was there, and I heard them having a conversation just like ours.”

Oh. Oh.

“How sure are you?” Your eyes searched her face, looking for even just an ounce of hesitation that would throw all this out the window for you. But it wasn’t there.

“I’m very sure, snuppa, I heard basically every word.” She said with an almost proud smile. “I don’t think you have to worry about anything. Sounds like Alexia feels the same as you do. And even if I hadn’t overheard that, it’s clear to a lot of us that Alexia felt that way anyway. Think of how much time she has spent with you since you joined. She doesn’t spend that much time with anyone on the team, to be honest.”

That caught your attention. Now that Frido mentions it, Alexia has spent a lot of time with you. There was that morning she took you out for breakfast, something you hadn't ever expected but after it, you wished it would happen every morning. She always chooses to sit next to you at any given point, whether that be in briefings or whilst travelling, as well as opting to partner up with you in training whenever the opportunity arises. She even took time out of her own evening to cook dinner for you and bring it to you once when you told her you had ran out of your meal prep. 

“I guess.” You mumbled with a frown.

“She’s just a girl after all. Like you.”

Once again, the world had decided to show you just how much your life can change with one single conversation.

—

Not that you acted upon anything, of course. Over a month passed by with things staying the same as they had been for a number of weeks before the revelation with Frido. Training, match, recovery day, repeat. Dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment every Thursday if the season schedule allowed it. Morning jogs on days-off, evenings spent basking in the golden glow of a Spanish sunset, some of the best you’d seen. There may have possibly been a few more breakfast outings with Alexia. And perhaps just one movie night. Or was it two? 

Regardless, the one good thing about having the natural ability to mask all the inner turmoil you had was being able to hide your feelings when you were around Alexia. On the other hand, your trait of analysing every detail of your life became a bit too exhausting. You were overthinking all of your actions - every word you said, the way you said it, what your hands were doing, what someone might interpret from your body language, every little thing you did kept you up at night. 

You definitely still liked her, that might… never go away. Those feelings only grew and weighed you down more and more, but you couldn’t distance yourself from her no matter how loud your mind screamed at you to do so. You liked her company, she ranked almost as high as Ingrid on your list of… list of what? People you liked? People you felt safe with? People you didn’t have to mask at all around? People you lov- too early.

There was just so much to think about, and so few solutions. There were literally two; you either tell her, or you pretend it never happened. What the hell were you meant to do with those options? Both were equally as terrifying. As if your fear of the future couldn’t get any deeper, you were now stood at a crossroads. Alexia could become the most important person in your life, or she could just become another person you leave behind in this free-for-all career. She could just slip into the past and become a distant memory. 

Massive leaps of faith still weren’t your thing. The fear of the unknown still ran rampant through your veins, and though you’d become a little more relaxed about certain things over the years, this was absolutely not one of those exceptions. The prospect of it all was just too overwhelming. Truthfully, you really didn’t think you could do this.

However, things all came to a head during the last training session of the year in December. Literally.

“Ale? Are you okay?” You asked in a strangled groan, one of your hands coming up to your head as you squinted through one eye to look for the woman you’d just clashed with.

“Oye, sit down. Ale is fine, you both hit heads though so you need to be checked for a concussion. Lay down.” Mapi demanded just as you got back up onto your knees. 

At that moment, you couldn’t have cared less about whether you had a concussion or not, all you cared for was that Alexia was okay. She was, maybe a black eye and a subsequent bruise to her ego, but she was fine. You had taken the brunt of it, straight to the temple.

You followed Mapi’s instruction and layed back down, your head already starting to throb quite a bit. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by some of the medical staff as they checked you over. Once they decided you were well enough to sit up, they urged you to do so as one of them came to cradle your neck to keep it steady. A bright light was flashed into your eyes, making you flinch, but they decided then that if you did have a concussion, it wasn’t too bad. The decision was made to take both you and Alexia inside as the rest of training went on, so the pair of you walked gingerly to the physio room. 

“You okay?” Alexia murmured quietly as you both trailed behind the physios a little. You ignored the way your heart fluttered when her hand found your forearm briefly, and instead blamed it on your head injury (though it may not be physically possible for those occurrences to be linked.)

“Mhm. Are you? I’m sorry that happened.” You replied. The collision was a bit hazy for you, you couldn’t exactly remember what had happened so if you were at fault, you had to make sure she knew it wasn’t purposeful. She had to know.

“No, no apologies, it’s just football. Happens all the time.” She reassured you, smiling comfortingly down at you as she held the door open for you.

In the room, the team ushered you both onto separate beds, forcing ice packs into your hands as they carried out more cautionary checks. And to add to the guilt you felt, they decided to rule you both out of the game tomorrow as a precaution. Your stomach dropped, dreading Alexia’s reaction. Everyone knew about her mentality, a missed game was a missed opportunity. You weren’t quite sure you could ever look her in the eye again.

The second the physios said you both could leave, you hopped off the bench and went to make a run for it. The sooner you could get home, the better. If you avoided the conversation, you could avoid the whole situation, and hide until the Winter break ended.

“Cariño, wait!” Alexia called out, managing to gently stop you by your wrist before you could flee. You didn’t put up much of a fight, you just sighed and lowered your head. Alexia gestured for the rest of the staff to leave the room for the time being, and that only made matters worse. Not only was she going to trap you in a conversation, there weren’t even any witnesses. “I just want to talk about something. Could you sit down?”

You had no choice but to entertain her.

Reluctantly, you sat back down on the physio bench you were on a moment ago, and copied Alexia’s position. Perched on the edge, legs hanging off the side, except your hands gripped the fabric of it quite a bit tighter.

“Sorry.” You whispered with a chagrined look to your face, eyes trained on the swing of your legs.

“What? Why?” Alexia asked. The confusion in her voice led you to look up at her with your own questioning glance.

“For getting us ruled out. We can’t play tomorrow now.” You told her, your eyes again looking anywhere in the room but at her. Then again, that always happened, no matter the occasion. 

“I told you that wasn’t your fault, you really don’t need to apologise. I’m not mad at you, so you don’t need to feel guilty or anything. We’re both okay, it’s just for our safety.” Alexia reminded softly, but with the head space you were in, you couldn’t believe her words just yet.

“What about the game though?” You uttered in a way akin to that of a down-trodden child, and Alexia could only smile in return at it.

“The team will handle it, they’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything, it’s all out of your control. Chin up.” Alexia said with a coy grin. 

She laughed freely when you physically tilted your head up and squeezed your eyes shut to give a cheesy smile, and the sound of it instantly calmed most of your worries. 

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” 

“Um, no, actually. There’s another thing.” She scratched the back of her neck nervously as she spoke, and just like that your anxiety came rushing back. “I just, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, so please tell me if I am because that’s not what I wan-”

Was she about to say it?

“Say it, Ale. Just say it.” You interrupted, because if she was going to say it, you needed it right now. You couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Right. Well…” There was a bright redness to her cheeks, not just from the head-to-head a while ago. “I, um, I… I like you. Really like you, actually. As in, I want to go on a date with you.” 

She actually said it.

“In a romantic way?” Your deadpan tone didn’t exactly help Alexia’s nerves in that moment.

“Uh, I’m not sure there’s any other kind of date, cariño, so yes, in a romantic way.” She laughed nervously. You were quiet for a few moments as you inwardly controlled your emotions so that you didn’t totally freak out in front of the woman who had just asked you on a date. 

You had to play it cool, right? That’s what everyone always said.

“Sure. When?”

It was comical, really. You’d waited this long for something to finally happen between you both, and now it seemed you couldn’t care any less. If Alexia could see into your brain right now though, it would be total chaos. Like a scene straight out of Inside Out.

“I guess now that we can’t play tomorrow and we are the only ones ruled out, we could go to the game together?” 

That was… actually a much better idea than you thought. Normally, people go on dates to the cinema or to restaurants or whatever other hellish activity neurotypicals chose to do. But a football game was common ground, something that the pair of you could talk about forever, and it was an environment that you were familiar with. That could absolutely work. A dream, actually. 

Still, you had to play it cool.

“But I’m already going to the game. And I would have to sit with you anyway. And all you would focus on is the game, it wouldn’t be much of a date.” You were teasing her at this point, whilst also worrying that perhaps you had taken it too far again, but Alexia understood you by now. She’d caught on, and this was her favourite version of you she had seen so far.

“Fine, it doesn’t have to be a date then! You could have just said no instead of breaking my heart!” She argued theatrically, a wave of euphoria rushing through her when you threw your head back and laughed. “How about we go out for food after, that can be our date? We can go to one of the markets and get dinner from a food truck and go on a walk, instead of a restaurant. Does that sound like a better date?”

“Yeah, but I was going to say yes to the football game anyway.” You shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, a hint of a smirk on your face as you stood up to put your ice pack away. Alexia watched you do so with a huge smile on her face at your antics. You turned back to her, a hand on your hip where you stood not too far away from her now. “Dinner still sounds good though.”

“You are so annoying.” Alexia hopped down off of the bench and wandered over to you with a shake of her head, throwing her own ice pack down next to yours. “You know that?”

“It’s a love language. Get used to it.” 

The midfielder chuckled under her breath. Secretly, she hoped she was able to get used to it.

“Wait, what do I have to wear tomorrow?” Your eyes suddenly went wide in panic, staring up at Alexia like she held all the answers in the world.

“Well, it is just a football game and a walk, so whatever you are comfy in. Why?” 

“Because it’s a date, I don’t know what you expect me to wear.” You fretted. It had been a long time since your last date. And this was quite possibly the most important one so far.

“I have no expectations, cariño, just make sure you’re warm and comfortable.” Alexia brushed it off like it was nothing, a notion that silenced all those doubts once again. She had a real habit of doing that.

“Okay.” You nodded. 

You realised your close proximity then, noticing you were both quite close. There was one thing that came to mind, but it was surely too early for that. No matter how much you wanted it. One step at a time. Instead, you shyly held your arms out and looked up at her.

She immediately knew what you were after, and who was she to deny you of that. You melted into her embrace the second she invited you in, finally being able to relish in the comfort her hugs brought without overthinking it.

“You are quite oblivious, you know?” Alexia stated with a smirk to break the silence. 

“Shut up, you’re ruining it.”

—

You couldn’t sleep that night, you were way too excited for your date. You were like a giddy kid at Christmas, the smile didn’t leave your face for more than a second. Ingrid came around that night with the intention of checking up on you, but she never could have predicted what information she was walking back to her apartment with. When she found out, she thought she was excited, but Mapi, well, she was on a whole other level. Long story short, Bagheera didn’t surface from under the sofa until the Spaniard had long gone to bed. 

The game kicked off at 2pm, meaning from the second you woke up at 7am sharp, you had way too much energy. Nervous energy. But there was one thing you noticed immediately. You didn’t feel scared, or anxious, or like you wanted to totally avoid the whole situation altogether. You were excited. You woke up feeling like a normal girl going on a date with someone they liked. 

It was new. Refreshing. You felt light, you can’t remember the last time you felt that way about something that would normally freak you the hell out. Spending time with Alexia didn’t feel like a chore, the way it did sometimes with anyone in your life. Rather than draining your social battery, it stayed at the same level with her. If you were feeling especially burnt out one day, it didn’t seem so sickening to have Alexia’s company there like it was with the thought of anyone else. Your mind was peacefully empty when with her, unlike the fast-paced monologue that ran pretty much all hours of the day, even when you were asleep. 

For once in your life, you were going to be optimistic. Because the woman you were meeting had never given you any reason to be otherwise.

So when she knocked on your apartment door, opting out of firing a text your way to say she had arrived, the surprise of not only her presence but the bouquet in her arms was met with a bright smile from yourself. You immediately took them from her and bounded towards the kitchen area to tuck them safely into a vase. Alexia gazed at you the whole time, feeling her own sense of disbelief at the situation she had found herself in. Never could she have imagined falling for you like she had when she met you for the first time six months ago, but she was happier than ever because of it.

There was a beaming smile of her own on her face, and her eyes crinkled with unfiltered joy when you leaned up to kiss her cheek quickly, before rushing around the flat to get everything you needed. Sunglasses, your coat to go over the matching jumper and joggers you were wearing (Alexia did tell you to dress comfortably, after all), and a cap for good measure. Between you both, there was a distinct difference between the amount of clothing layers, something that made you laugh.

“What are you laughing at?” Alexia grumbled, watching you adjust your hair in the mirror after putting your hat on, huffing when it wasn’t agreeing with you.

“You look like you’re dressed for a Norwegian winter. It’s ten degrees.”

“That is cold for me, cariño.” She chuckled, before moving to stand between you and the mirror, and helping you to sort your hair how you wanted it. You blushed and lowered your hands, looking up at her with a shy smile as she worked. “There. You look cute. Cosy.”

“Thank you.” You hummed, cheeks aching from the intensity of your smile when Alexia took hold of your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You look… warm.”

“Enough with your teasing, let’s go.” Alexia tutted, though she kept your hand in hers as the pair of you left your apartment. It wasn’t until you got to the car that you both reluctantly let go, shooting each other a bashful look before getting into Alexia’s car.

When you arrived at the stadium, both of you spent some time with the team in the locker room, and Alexia addressed them all quickly before you left to find your seats. You had full faith in the team, it was luckily just a league game that most of the younger members of the team would be playing anyway. To be honest, you were quite thankful to not be playing, because it had given way for something better instead.

The majority of the game was spent by both of you talking endlessly about football, both tactical discussions about the game and personal stories for you both. For Alexia, she spoke about how she came to love it so much and how it took her family’s relationship and togetherness to a whole new level. For you, you told her how playing football was the only job you could see yourself succeeding in. The system was routine-based, your work attire was a jersey and shorts, and you were indulging in your special interest everyday of the week. It was an autistic’s person dream to be able to do that, something you were grateful for every time you stepped onto a football pitch. Any other work environment, and you might not have survived. 

Alexia hung onto every word you said, just as you did for her. Learning more about each other was something you both took great interest in, because every detail about your past was how you had become the people you were today. Maybe it was too early to class it as such, but falling in love was a phenomenon that people took for granted nowadays. It’s rare, it’s special, and it’s beautiful. Two people, from entirely different backgrounds, leading unique lives with respective struggles and wins the other hadn’t experienced, only to go on and share every high and low together. Yeah, pretty special in your book. 

With you both being in view of the stadium’s crowd, you were mindful of the watchful eyes around. There was one exception though; during the later stages of the game, the other team had quite a fierce counter attack, something that had both you and Alexia on the edges of your seat. Though, as they neared the goal, the match was the last thing on your mind when Alexia’s hand landed on your knee in anxious anticipation. That hand didn’t move, even when Cata saved the shot with ease. Instead, she just settled back into her seat and turned to you with a deep breath out, the tension leaving her. Then she noticed what she’d done, but before she could retract it, you simply gazed up at her and put your hand on top of hers. 

It remained that way until the whistle blew a few minutes later, when you stood up to make your way down to the rest of the team. You got onto the pitch, Alexia and yourself splitting ways to go and talk to your other teammates. Two familiar faces came bounding over to you and before they even spoke, you could tell what they were going to say just by the smiles tugging at their lips.

“How’s it going?” Mapi asked, poking you in the ribs.

“It’s not gone anywhere yet, we were more focused on the game. But it’s been nice, really nice. It doesn’t feel much different to the other times we’ve hung out, is that good or bad?” You replied with a nervous chuckle, and you got your answer in the form of an excited squeal from Ingrid.

“That’s a good thing! That’s what it was like on our first date, right María?” Mapi nodded enthusiastically, giving you a double thumbs up for extra emphasis. “See! I’m sure you’re doing great, skatt, and I am so happy for you.”

“Me too, preciosa, so happy. Think of the double dates!” Mapi shook your arm vigorously at that, the three of you laughing.

“Let me get through the first one, then I’ll think about it.” That sobered the pair of them up as they nodded in a calmer manner, before they both surged forward to wrap you up in a hug.

“Oh- she’s coming, incoming.” Mapi whispered, pulling away and spinning you around.

“Shall we go, cariño? It might be busy there, so the sooner the better.” 

Just like that, you were being whisked away back into Alexia’s car. She drove to the market, which was decorated for the festive seasons, something you gasped at in awe the second you saw it. Alexia fought off a smile at your reaction which she found much more endearing than she thought she would, and she instantly knew it was a good idea to bring you here. Though you were flying back to Norway in a few days’ time for Christmas back at home, she had a feeling you were a bit more homesick than you were letting on, considering the vast difference in the season between Spain and Norway. Her plan to bring you here, not only for a date, but to cheer you up a bit, was already proving to work.

For a couple hours, you went from stall to stall with a childlike wonder, dragging Alexia along behind you with a tight grip on her hand that you said was just because of the busyness of the area, but both of you revelled in it secretly. That became the truth when you were walking away from the market, slowly heading in the direction of Alexia’s car, until she took you in another direction. Turns out, she was leading you to a beautiful walled garden you had no idea even existed, but the second you saw it you fell in love. Even if it may not have been as stunning as it usually was in the summer, it was still more than enough to capture your attention. 

“This is amazing, Ale, how did you know this was here?” You wondered, head on a swivel looking at each tiny detail, as if there wasn’t enough time in the world to admire its beauty.

One day, in the future, Alexia will reveal that that’s how she feels about you. There are layers to you, and she fears she won’t have enough time in her life to uncover and explore each one. You hold beauty in your physical features, that was the first thing she noticed about you, but it’s the grace of your heart and how you proudly wear it on your sleeve that she adores the most. It's the sparkle in your eyes when you ramble about the things you love most, the unabashed care you treat everyone with, your humour that constantly keeps her on her toes, the purity of your soul and how you have enough unconditional love to give to nearly every being on the planet. There’s plenty to love about you, but that still doesn’t feel like enough for her.

“I have lived here for most of my life, preciosa, I know Barcelona like the back of my hand.” She said, and maybe if you weren’t so oblivious, you might have seen the adoration present in her gaze.

“So you’re saying you know more places like this? And you’ve kept them a secret all this time?”

“Yes, I will show you them all, don’t worry.” She chuckled, slowly walking over to where you were stuck staring at an abundance of pansies in one area of the garden. “Those are Alba’s favourite.” 

“This whole place is my favourite. I love it, thank you for taking me here.” You turned your attention from the flowers and back up to Alexia, who didn’t seem to take any interest in her surroundings. She was just smiling down at you. “What are you smiling at?” 

“Hmm?”

“You’re just standing there, smiling. You haven't even looked around yet. What are you smiling like that for?” You asked in utter confusion. She was genuinely just stood there, perfectly still, seemingly lost in her thoughts, with a soft smile on her face that’s directed solely at you. Instead of answering, she laughs, to your annoyance. 

“I’m just happy, cariño. Happy to be here with you, on a date.” She answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Oh. Okay.” You said, hoping the dim lighting from the street lamp wasn’t enough for Alexia to see the blush on your cheeks. “I’m really happy too. I can’t believe you like me.”

You didn’t really mean to say that, but the words tumbled out of you regardless.

“Why do you say that?” Alexia questioned with a frown, deftly taking hold of your hands.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, looking down as your feet fidgeted on the spot, kicking a stone away from underneath you. “I can be a lot, I guess.”

“Well, luckily for you, I have seen your ‘a lot’ and it’s enough for me. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.” Alexia replied, earnesty clear in her voice. She leaned forward then, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Why do you put yourself down like that?”

“Because I want to be your girlfriend, but I want you to know what you’re getting into.” You told her, taking a slight step back. 

“Loving another human, that’s all I’m getting into.” She took a cautious step closer. “That little voice is taking over, cariño, take a breath with me and know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Trying to calm down is quite hard when there’s a beautiful woman in front of you being so kind that she makes your head spin. Or when she’s giving the softest forehead kisses in all of mankind and holding your hands with a delicateness you’ve never experienced. She’s not just holding your hands right now, she’s got your heart in the palm of her hands.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” You blurted out, sharply stepping back from her again. 

“I know. You are the strongest person I’ve met, and you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. But who’s to say you can’t have someone by your side anyway?” She smiled like it was nothing. As if her words weren’t everything you’d ever wanted to hear. “Are you scared of me leaving?”

“Yes.” You whispered quietly, swallowing the lump in your throat and growing the confidence to look back up into her eyes.

“I’ve learnt a lot about you these past few months. Not a thing I now know has deterred me from you. I don’t think anything could. All I ask is that you take a chance and let me show you how much I adore and admire you. The feelings, the worries and doubts you have, they go both ways, cariño. I am worried that I might not be good enough for you and that I am not what you need. I am scared that I will get things wrong, and that I-”

You had heard enough, she’d proved her point.

You leant up on the balls of your feet, and kissed her. And she returned it almost instantly. Her hands dropped yours and landed on your hips, steadying you on your tip-toes. Yours wrapped around her neck, drawing her somehow closer. And just like everything had been so far with Alexia, it was easy. It was everything you dreamed of and more. Here, somewhere in Barcelona, not only had you made a life for yourself in just six months, you’d gained a new addition to it too. 

Alexia had taught you a lot in the short time you had known her. But there was one thing that stood out to you; she had unknowingly taught you, just through her actions, that love is accommodation and consideration. It’s knowing what the other needs, and being there when they need it. It won’t be 50/50 everyday, in your case there will be times where it’s 90/10, and there will be occasions that are the same for Alexia. Your struggles don’t define you, and Alexia’s don’t define her. You’re worth it, just as much as she is. Just as much as everybody else.

Just because you’re stuck with a label for the rest of your life, a disability that beats you down when you want anything but that, those don’t mean that everything has to be hard. The truth is, when a genuine connection is found, things can be easy. They can be peaceful. With Alexia, you feel seen, as if you’re being mirrored back to yourself. Now, by loving the right person, you realise that other people shouldn’t always make you feel exhausted, they shouldn’t be the reason why you retreat back into yourself, and most importantly they shouldn't make you feel like you’re impossible to love. 

Life will continue to try and break you down, there’s not a soul on earth that can entirely protect you from that, but having Alexia by your side, just like she said, can lessen the burden. After all, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, and joy shared is joy doubled. You have to live, you have to feel,  you have to love, you have to take risks. Because if you hadn’t done that all along, where would you be now?

[best-underrated-anime]

[Test Poll] Format #3

This is to test what format would be best for the poll posts during the tournament. The media featured won’t be part of the tournament. They’re just shows I recently watched (and are not necessarily underrated), but please vote as if this were the actual tournament. (I wrote some serious propaganda just to make this test realistic, so pleeease.) I will gather some feedback later. You may also leave feedback in the replies of this post.

Best Underrated Anime – Group C Round 1: #C1 vs #C2

#C1: Good guy pulled into soccer “death game,” turns into your worst nightmare

#C2: Depressed genius detective pulled out of slump by naive police officer

Titles, summaries, propagandas, trailers, and poll under the cut!

#C1: Good guy pulled into soccer “death game,” turns into your worst nightmare

Title: Blue Lock / ブルーロック

Genres: Sports, shounen

Trigger warnings: none

Summary

After reflecting on the current state of Japanese soccer, the Japanese Football Association decides to hire the enigmatic and eccentric coach Jinpachi Ego to achieve their dream of winning the World Cup. Believing that Japan has lacked an egoistic striker hungry for goals, Ego initiates the Blue Lock—a prison-like facility where three hundred talented strikers from high schools all over Japan are isolated and pitted against each other. The sole survivor of Blue Lock will earn the right to become the national team’s striker, and those who are defeated shall be banned from joining the team forever.

Selected to join this risky project is Isagi Yoichi, a striker who failed to bring his high school soccer team to the national tournament. After choosing to pass to a teammate who missed instead of scoring on his own, he could not help but wonder if the results would have been different had he been more selfish. Using this golden opportunity given by the Blue Lock Project, Isagi aims to clear his doubts and chase his ultimate desire—to become the greatest striker in the world and lead Japan to World Cup glory.

(taken from MAL)

Propaganda

It’s different from all other sports anime I’ve watched before in that there is no “power of friendship” and “teamwork makes the dream work” bullshit. Blue Lock only cares about one thing, and that is winning. All those inspirational/comforting messages like “at least we had fun together” are dismissed to mere excuses right from the first episode.

Each episode is also full of hype, and there is no telling what will happen next. It subverts a lot of sports anime tropes, especially in the show’s second arc. I also love how it doesn’t follow typical sports anime arcs. They’re technically not in high school, so we don’t have “Nationals” or special training episodes. Just adrenaline-filled matches all the way through—not official matches, but it sure feels like it because of how high the stakes are (if you lose, your dreams are dead).

I especially enjoy seeing Isagi turn into something like a villain once the game starts. He’s so nice and polite off the field, but on the field he’s everybody’s nightmare. It’s also really refreshing to have a shounen protag revel in the act of breaking other people’s dreams.

But hype aside, it also does not lack on the emotional aspect. Characters are forced to break through their limits and let go of what’s important to them in order to move forward. That important thing could be a long-standing belief, an old dream, or even a friend. And the OST of this show really helps drive home the messages it sends. Some scenes would literally have orchestra music playing in the background, and each plot-relevant character also gets their own cool character soundtrack

Lastly, like all other shounen sports anime, expect some homoerotic stuff. You don’t even have to be a shipper to notice it. It’s really obvious in the second arc.

#C2: Depressed genius detective pulled out of slump by naive police officer

(Admin: I could not find a good trailer on youtube with english subs and none of the audio cut out, so I decided to edit the subs in myself…)

Title: Deranged Detective / Ron Kamonohashi’s Forbidden Deductions/ Ron Kamonohashi: Deranged Detective / Kamonohashi Ron no Kindan Suiri / 鴨乃橋ロンの禁断推理

Genres: Comedy, mystery

Trigger Warnings: Just typical tw’s for a crime show… blood. murder, dead bodies, etc., but nothing extreme

Summary

Despite lacking the skills suited for his role on the Metropolitan Police Department investigative team, Isshiki Totomaru wants to solve murders and help people. Following the advice of one of his seniors, he ventures out to enlist the aid of the reclusive Kamonohashi Ron. Five years ago, Ron was the most promising detective from the illustrious Detective Training Academy Blue; yet for reasons unknown to the public, he sank into obscurity.

Totomaru expects a well-dressed, composed man; but what he gets is a messy-haired and uninhibited eccentric. After years in solitude, Ron barely resembles his former self and he refuses to even hear out the detective. However, as quickly as Ron rebuffs, he flips on a dime and dives headfirst into the current serial murder case.

The true reason Ron withdrew from the detective world was not from lack of desire, but rather from something out of his control—and Totomaru might just be the key for his return to his former calling. Together, the wide-eyed officer and deranged detective tackle each mystery that comes their way.

Propaganda

The anime is currently airing with only a few episodes out as of this moment, so my propaganda will be based more on the manga (which is by Akira Amano, the same person who made Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

The first few eps/chapters of Deranged Detective tackles some basic crimes, but later it will get more complex. Episode formulas are like that in Detective Conan, but they’re made more enjoyable with Ron’s eccentricity and the well-balanced comedy.

The plot is nothing mind-blowing, but it’s definitely solid and well-executed. We have this recluse detective who wants to get back to doing detective work, but then we find out that he’s not supposed to be playing detective. It would literally cost him his life if caught in the act. So now we have some tension as well as an overarching mystery—who wants Ron dead and why?

But Deranged Detective isn’t just about the mystery. It’s also about Ron and Toto. It’s about how Ron, who was depressed for five years, regains his life because of Toto. And it’s how Toto will always believe in him despite all doubts against him. Can’t really blame Ron for being so gay for him.

The animation is clean, and the OST is also good. The opening song is by the same band that made the iconic Kekkai Sensen ending song.

If you enjoy gay detectives, you should definitely check this out.

[gemsofgreece]

Η ΦΟΝΙΣΣΑ (The Murderess): A film review

My cinecritic side greets you again! This time I watched The Murderess, (only!) half a year after its release. I had to watch this one because it is based on my favourite Greek book, written by Alexandros Papadiamantis, which is also one of the most acclaimed Greek stories.

I knew that the movie would be underwhelming compared to the book because there was not any chance a movie could match it. Therefore it was unsurprising that I had this watered down response to it. It is a good movie, it has several merits. If you have read the book however, you tend to focus on the drawbacks and those are very prominent.

My biggest issue was the understandable choice to make adjustments to the story, in order to fill it some more, because the original is a short story. Reasonable, yet the adjustments made were in my opinion poorly thought out for several reasons.

PROS:

The cinematography is amazing. I also liked the camera work. Congratulations to Eva Nathena, very neat job. Very haunting atmosphere, great scenery chosen. We need more creative direction in Greek movies, so this was refreshing. However, I have some criticism about it too, below.

The elements of the folk culture and the architecture were beautiful and very interesting. The movie in general is stylized (in an appropiate way) and I have no problem with this at all. Nathena's first profession is actually costume designer, so her attention to detail makes total sense.

The score is imposing and appropriately used.

Karabeti has the leading role. Obviously, the acting is great. I will say that I had imagined Frankogiannou different in my mind, even less refined or, idk less agile?, but that doesn't mean her approach is not valid.

Okay this is silly but it was a long time since I read the book and that moment when Frankogiannou says to her daughter "Σα σ' ακούω, θυγατέρα", a reference to her favourite catchphrase, it brought back the memory I had forgotten and I nearly cheered!

I did not like the liberties taken in the screenplay but I LOVED Maria Protopappa as Frankogiannou's mother. This character does not exist in the book but I don't care, she was amazing. Honestly she doesn't do all that much but her presence, so DORIC so STERN so SCARY. A perfect portayal of an abusive, misogynistic mother. I don't know, she was chilling, unpopular opinion but somehow I liked her more than Karabeti. Of course I acknowledge Karabeti's part was a lot harder.

Protopappa as Frankogiannou's mother, facing the camera.

CONS:

I already praised the cinematography, right? Yes, it was good but I would appreciate it more if the story actually took place in Mani! The story however takes place in Skiathos, not Mani! Whereas the choice to film such a dark story in an ominous place like Mani seems fitting, the true challenge would be to bring it to life in a happy looking place like Skiathos, where it is supposed to have happened after all. In short, the scenery fits the story but it was also a cheap trick to avoid making the direction more challenging. If foreign followers read this, Nathena in short said "I have a very dark movie to direct so I'll shoot it in this place

so I will avoid filming it in its original place which looks like this:"

I mean, the scenery looked awesome but you get what I mean? Moreover, my point is that she removed a lot of the realism from the movie - the scenery looks so gloomy, the people are so pensive, it kind of creates a type of dystopia where the Murderess's tale is just another part of it and not a shocking outlier.

[this paragraph contains spoilers]Which brings me to the second point. For anyone who doesn't know, the Murderess was written in 1903 by Alexandros Papadiamantis, a man, and it is one of the very first feminist literary works quite possibly on an international level. The way the inequality against women is portrayed in the book is so... novel and unique and genius and groundbreaking for its time and even for today, that I loathed to see it getting a coating of the standard contemporary mass feminist perspective. Because on its own, it was in my opinion far more successful and piercing. There are a lot of changes made in the film. Essentially, all men are depicted as straight out monsters and the only man who was probably not a monster, the priest, is blind. Get it? As in, blind to the evilness. That level of symbolism, come on, guys. Too much. Furthermore, the movie makes the whole community of the town in some way or another complicit to what is happening. That was horrible in my opinion. Instead of showing how inequality and hardship created an outlier whose mind got in a really bad place, like Papadiamantis did, the movie just creates a whole society of horror, where most everyone is a criminal. What is this, the Lord of the Flies? Men are viewed as problematic in Papadiamantis' book as well but in a more realistic way, some being absent, some being indifferent husbands, some being lazy, some rejoicing in their gender privilege and living expecting everything from women. But in the movie ALL of them are !Spoiler! kin rapists and kin killers??????The fuck?????? Live your myth in Greece, I suppose. [SPOILER] The incident of female infant killing by poor people who had no money to raise and provide a dowry for their daughters was indeed a phenomenon in Greece and elsewhere before the abolition of this custom (as pointed out in the movie credits), maybe it still is in some countries, but I want to believe that it wasn't happening in the way that it happens in this movie. In the movie this town's people are one step away from hiring her as a professional baby killer. Like, that wasn't how it was happening or how often it was happening. They turned a documented crime of the past into a custom?! A person who was suspected to do that did not casually live amongst the rest with their family as if everything was alright. Which is why it is stupid in the film that even though most everybody has asked her help (apparently in this movie they were giving birth everyday to 58259 girls and 0.1 boys), then everyone turns against her and wants her arrested. In short, she was portrayed almost as a scapegoat and I did not like this. It's like abdicating her a lot from her guilt. She is a tragic character indeed but she is not a scapegoat. And in the book the townfolk had no idea what she was doing until it became obvious.

At least a little touch of the extremely heavy, drool-enducing Skiathian dialect Papadiamantis was known for using was greatly missed. Then again there was nothing from Skiathos in this movie whatsoever. Even the folk attire was not Skiathian. It looked like a mix of Peloponnesian and Roumeliote, totally irrelevant. It wasn't even Maniot, I think.

Too. Many. Symbolic. Scenes. It made sense to add them but I mostly enjoyed only the ones with Protopappa.

The acting of the supporting cast was subpar in my opinion. Not bad necessarily but too theatrical for my taste.

So, with all this in mind but also taking into account that someone may watch it without having read the book first, I give it a 7+/10. If you compare it to the book, it must fall to a 6+/10. My recommendation? Watch the movie if you want but read the book ASAP.

[kuroppiii]

ro lovey !! wanted to get ur opinion on challengers bc i wanna watch it ^3^

sending kisses to my fav film freak <3

my opinion? well..

yes yes and yes but also yes especially bc yes and yes

!! watch it so when you read the next parts of my miya twins series it'll hit harder

( my actual n extended film freak thoughts under the cut lol ദ്ദി（• ˕ •マ.ᐟ )

ok but fr when i walked out the theater (the FIRST time i watched it 🥸), i legitimately thought to myself "cinema is so back"

!!! disclaimer, i was already pretty biased going in bc of a lot of factors:

i've already always loved tennis to begin with

it was directed by the same director of call me by your name (one of my all time favorite movies)

zendaya.

the actor for pat zweig was in emma (2020) (another of my all time favorite movies) and was absolutely hilarious in it

the actor for art has been in some musical theater productions i like (he was the og connor in dear evan hansen and was in disney's west side story adaptation)

BUT EVEN THEN! the movie itself was just so refreshing given major films of the past few years. like it’s simply a good and fun watch. especially for a more “artsy” film that got so much publicity—like saltburn was also very creatively stimulating but to be completely honest… it was lowk kinda boring for like half it’s runtime. 😟

the movie feels a lot like a tennis match actually in that the way the story is told has a lot of back-and-forth, and in how that it's practically watching hot people getting stressed tf out by that for like 2 hours (LMFAO)

and just all the baseline film stuff like the writing and acting and score and cinematography were great, i ate it all up and it was scrumdidddlyumptious

the vibes were so fun to get lost in too: summer, hot, tennis, gay, lots of audacity, lots of drama from that audacity, and just such a roller coaster of emotions where you definitely start thinking these characters need sooo much therapy 👌

but probably the best thing about the film is it's rewatch value!!! bro when i say that's my favorite thing about my favorite films i really mean it. i've watched the movie three times now (😭😭😭), and a lot of people will tell you to rewatch it that amount so you can watch it from the perspectives of the three main characters. but also just a fuckin good time to watch it!

every time i watched it i had a different takeaway or noticed something i didn't before which led me to talk about it with my friends who watched it with me.

and that's why i like film and art so much in the first place!!! because i think those things are really meant to be thought about and shared and talked about and debated over to bring ppl together. so ofc this film did that perfectly and that's why it easily landed a spot in my top five films ever. :)

[syncopatedid]

Got gifted by friends to go watch the fan screening of The First Slam Dunk movie and it was the best present ever! I wasn't even a big fan of the series and had forgotten nearly everything about it going in, so I figured it'd be a good time for a refresher, maybe entertaining enough for a solid 8.5/10? But no! Turns out it exceeded my expectations. 10.1/10!! Heck, it was so good that I found myself thinking the movie trumps the movie of my favourite Kuroko no Basket! Whenever Shohoku made a basket score, the whole theatre (all 1500++ fans and 3 storeys strong) erupted in cheers and applause. Team Shohoku was out in full force at the gallery that day! Few thoughts on movie (bit spoilery but not too much):

I was very surprised to discover that Hanamichi was not the main character in this movie! Instead, this story focused on another member of Shohoku and much of the movie is from his POV. A risky (?) but interesting gamble adopted by the creator, no doubt, but one that paid off handsomely. I said (?), because I did wonder if fans of hot favs Hanamichi and Rukawa might be turned off by the idea of having another member take the spotlight, because they may feel it would steal screen time away from their mains. I suspect that is the reason why the marketing of this movie seems to keep the fact that they're going with another member as mc under wraps. The synopsis I have read for this movie used the synopsis for the Vol. 1 manga, which had little to almost no relevance to the actual movie itself other than the fact that Hanamichi is in it (but it's not even his POV this time)! The promo materials too, felt like they were very intentionally not pushing any one member into the spotlight but rather, promoted them as a team. So naturally, I think most would assume Hanamichi would still be the main POV. But! I don't think it's a deal breaker at all, because not only did the POV from someone else other than Hanamichi give a new perspective to what we already know from the manga/anime, it still retains enough presence of the team and key moments with the other members that call back to the source. I mean... my personal fav was "Specs" back in the day, and they practically benched him for the entire movie and I didn't even miss him that much, ahaha. They did kind of sub him in twice? But we don't even get to see him play. :*) Ultimately, it is Shohoku we are watching in the finals, playing the match of their lives. The reason why I loved this movie and why I didn't feel as much for the original is that as a manga it was a product of its times. It was all shonen all the time, meaning the bulk of the story was getting your feels from the adrenaline, testosterone-filled matches. This movie still had a lot of that for sure, but it had something else which I felt the source was never great at -- a deeper, heartfelt dive into the backstories and motivations of an individual. The "otoko no roman" aspect of the story always felt thin and glossed over quickly in favour of it playing out during the matches, as that was how shonen manga were mostly like at the time. In this movie, however, it switches between the moment in the match and flashbacks to the past. Every personal struggle off the court hurts so much more but it just made his and their achievements all that much sweeter. I must have shed tears at least three times in this movie. There is drama, but all the emotions felt warranted and never hit the point where I thought was pandering or excessive.

Speaking of team matches, it would be remiss of me not to mention the animation choice. I was skeptical when I saw the trailer because it seemed like a weird mix of CGI and traditional drawing and I wasn't sure if I'd take to it, but this movie made it work! The CGI motions were all natural-looking enough, yet had this 2D animation feel to it that I honestly can't tell you where the CGI began or ended except there were probably CGI elements somewhere because of the fluidity of certain moves that I feel only CGI can achieve. It felt as if they had rendered all the motions in CGI, then went back and hand-painted over every CGI frame so it looked like a 2D animation before splicing it all back together again. I liked it a lot, and the style blended well and lends an interesting flavour to the look and feel. The camera angles and the way the final match is animated also really felt like you were watching a real-life NBA match from the spectator gallery! I guess the art style of Inoue sensei always bordered more on realism, but it got me thinking yeah, these guys are how real basketball players feel like! Huge gorillas, towering giants AND pretty bad boys. Go big or go home, as they say! It was a most immersive experience. Anyway, please go watch it if you have the chance! I can’t recommend it enough!

[joyfulpoetryphilosopher]

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Candy Crush Gold Bars Hack Generator 2024 No Survey Without Any Verification.Candy Crush Saga is just as sweet as the delicious treats it features and twice as addictive. It’s one of the best games to play when you’re bored. What started as a basic Bejeweled clone now vies for your attention and money on the internet, Facebook, and your devices.

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f you want to complete the mission quickly, you need a lot of gold bars to buy a power-up item. That’s why I decided to Hack Candy Crush to get free gold bars. Now for you who feel the same as me, use my hack generator without any hesitation. Before going even further, I want to give you some tips for playing this game. I’m sure you don’t know that yet. Hope after reading this one you already know what you need to do to become a badass player in the game. A combo is very important: no doubt game puzzle link need a combo to win many points at once.

When playing this game, to get the highest score, you need to consistently use a combo. It’s very easy to do. You just need to match five candies with the same colors and you will get multiple scores from these five. Clean the candies on the lowest row: do you think this will help you? I’m sure some gamers never care about this one. Just FYI, the lowest row is very important in controlling candy movement from above. So you have to clean some candy you don’t need. Limit your movement: This game has a movement limitation. So before you run out of moves.

You need to think carefully about which sweets can give you an advantage. If you want to earn all three stars, you have to be careful about moving your candies. Be patient: Yes, a game like this requires a lot of concentration. If you can’t focus enough, it will become your main weapon. Yes, we cannot think carefully. Thus, you will be immediately confronted with the game on screen.

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Even though Candy Crush is a fremium, it can turn into one of the most expensive habits you’ll ever have. The developer, King, can support a free-to-play game like this by selling in-app purchases.

If you want to climb to the top of the leaderboards without spending a lot of cash, it’s essential to take advantage of all the Candy Crush cheats, tips, tricks, and advanced strategies available to you, and we’ve pulled them all together right here.

Cheats in Candy Crush

While there are some ways to cheat the system in Candy Crush, it’s imperative to note that services and programs that promise to hack your Candy Crush game or give you free lives, boosters, gold, or anything else, are almost always scams to be avoided.

Never download anything, or sign up for any service from any source that you don’t trust, even if it promises to give you free lives or allow you to skip Candy Crush levels. Even if one of these services did work, King could ban your account if it discovers you are using it, and you would lose all your hard work.

Candy Crush Saga Tips and Tricks

candy crush saga cheats tips and tricks

Natalya Danko / EyeEm / Getty

Candy Crush Saga gets punishingly tricky as you move higher and higher into the levels, and buying boosters can get extremely costly. If you want to make the most of your lives or get some free lives in a pinch, we’ve pulled together some of the best Candy Crush tips and tricks to help you boost your scores.

Start your candy crushing at the bottom. When you create matches near the bottom of the level, you can easily create chain reactions to destroy more pieces and get a bunch of points. Creating matches at the top is unlikely to have this effect.

Don’t follow suggestions blindly. If you don’t make a move for a while, the game will look for a match and then show it to you by making the candies shake. This is useful, especially for younger and newer players, but don’t automatically use these matches. A lot of the time, you’ll be able to find a better match on your own.

Try to think ahead when possible. If you just make every match you can see without thinking, you’ll fail the harder levels. Look at how the candies are laid out and think about the moves you can make to create a situation where you can make a color bomb or get pieces into place to clear jellies or other threats.

Learn how to make, and use special candies. Matching three candies together only clears those candies, but matching four or five creates a special candy. These special candies are the key to beating harder levels.

Look for combos, and use the best ones. Combos, like swiping a color bomb into a striped candy, are extremely powerful. If you can maneuver special candies together, they do a whole lot more good together than they would alone.

Use and make striped candy the right way. Striped candy can have horizontal or vertical stripes. The direction you swipe your finger to create the candy matches the direction of the stripes, and the candy will clear a line horizontally or vertically that matches its stripes.

Prioritize specific threats at each level. Don’t just make any old match you can. If a level has specific threats, like licorice or jelly, then take care of them first. If you don’t, you may run out of moves before you can clear the level. If the level has chocolate, go after that first.

Focus on edge jellies. It’s harder to make matches on the edges, so if you have threats like jellies on the edge of the board, try to clear them first.

Don’t move ingredients to the edges. Since it’s harder to make matches on the edges, you should also avoid moving ingredients to the edges. Always leave, or move, ingredients into a column where you will be able to drop them onto a green arrow.

Understand how chocolate works, and deal with it first. Chocolate is a creeping menace that expands to take over more squares each time you make a match anywhere on the board that doesn’t clear chocolate. To clear chocolate, make a match that includes any of the four candies immediately above, below, to the left, or to the right of the chocolate. Use special candies, like color bombs, if you need to.

Look for extra time candies. If you see candies with a +5 icon, try to include them in a match. These are extra time candies, and they show up in timed levels. If you can use one in a match, you get five extra seconds.

Use your boosters sparingly. You will earn boosters as you play, and you can also pay money for them. Save these powerful tools for tough levels, or you won’t have them when you need them.

Reshuffle especially difficult levels. While the layout and goals of a level are set in stone, the positions of individual candies are totally random. If you start a level and don’t like the layout of the candies, you can back out without losing a life if you haven’t made any moves. Start the level again, and you might have better positioning.

Finish levels with extra moves left for more points. If you still have moves left when you finish a level, jelly fish or striped candies will pop up and earn you more points. The more moves, the more chance that this will trigger a massive cascade of extra points.

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SERVER 2🔴 🅶🅾️ 🅷🅴🆁🅴 👉 https://epicplayloft.com/candycrush

f you want to complete the mission quickly, you need a lot of gold bars to buy a power-up item. That’s why I decided to Hack Candy Crush to get free gold bars. Now for you who feel the same as me, use my hack generator without any hesitation. Before going even further, I want to give you some tips for playing this game. I’m sure you don’t know that yet. Hope after reading this one you already know what you need to do to become a badass player in the game. A combo is very important: no doubt game puzzle link need a combo to win many points at once.

When playing this game, to get the highest score, you need to consistently use a combo. It’s very easy to do. You just need to match five candies with the same colors and you will get multiple scores from these five. Clean the candies on the lowest row: do you think this will help you? I’m sure some gamers never care about this one. Just FYI, the lowest row is very important in controlling candy movement from above. So you have to clean some candy you don’t need. Limit your movement: This game has a movement limitation. So before you run out of moves.

You need to think carefully about which sweets can give you an advantage. If you want to earn all three stars, you have to be careful about moving your candies. Be patient: Yes, a game like this requires a lot of concentration. If you can’t focus enough, it will become your main weapon. Yes, we cannot think carefully. Thus, you will be immediately confronted with the game on screen.

This is the tool for you which can generate free tickets without any limit. These are real guys, you can do it every day. But, a warning, for first-time use, don’t use it too much or you will get an error. This one is actually just an extra. This tool is specially designed for people who don’t understand coding at all. With it, you can do coding. Just launch this app and it will do it automatically. Everything in this world is possible guys. This is also only an option. Of course, you can guess from the title of this tool.

Yes, the goal is to protect your entire game account. If we don’t do this, your account will be banned for using illegal access. Yes, if something like this happens, what should you do? Sit back and watch this one. Of course not. I have already prepared a countermeasure if something like this happens for some of you who want to access our generator. The first step is not to panic guys. You just need to refresh your internet connection. By following these steps you will get a new IP address and be able to access the generator.

Even though Candy Crush is a fremium, it can turn into one of the most expensive habits you’ll ever have. The developer, King, can support a free-to-play game like this by selling in-app purchases.

If you want to climb to the top of the leaderboards without spending a lot of cash, it’s essential to take advantage of all the Candy Crush cheats, tips, tricks, and advanced strategies available to you, and we’ve pulled them all together right here.

Cheats in Candy Crush

While there are some ways to cheat the system in Candy Crush, it’s imperative to note that services and programs that promise to hack your Candy Crush game or give you free lives, boosters, gold, or anything else, are almost always scams to be avoided.

Never download anything, or sign up for any service from any source that you don’t trust, even if it promises to give you free lives or allow you to skip Candy Crush levels. Even if one of these services did work, King could ban your account if it discovers you are using it, and you would lose all your hard work.

Candy Crush Saga Tips and Tricks

candy crush saga cheats tips and tricks

Natalya Danko / EyeEm / Getty

Candy Crush Saga gets punishingly tricky as you move higher and higher into the levels, and buying boosters can get extremely costly. If you want to make the most of your lives or get some free lives in a pinch, we’ve pulled together some of the best Candy Crush tips and tricks to help you boost your scores.

Start your candy crushing at the bottom. When you create matches near the bottom of the level, you can easily create chain reactions to destroy more pieces and get a bunch of points. Creating matches at the top is unlikely to have this effect.

Don’t follow suggestions blindly. If you don’t make a move for a while, the game will look for a match and then show it to you by making the candies shake. This is useful, especially for younger and newer players, but don’t automatically use these matches. A lot of the time, you’ll be able to find a better match on your own.

Try to think ahead when possible. If you just make every match you can see without thinking, you’ll fail the harder levels. Look at how the candies are laid out and think about the moves you can make to create a situation where you can make a color bomb or get pieces into place to clear jellies or other threats.

Learn how to make, and use special candies. Matching three candies together only clears those candies, but matching four or five creates a special candy. These special candies are the key to beating harder levels.

Look for combos, and use the best ones. Combos, like swiping a color bomb into a striped candy, are extremely powerful. If you can maneuver special candies together, they do a whole lot more good together than they would alone.

Use and make striped candy the right way. Striped candy can have horizontal or vertical stripes. The direction you swipe your finger to create the candy matches the direction of the stripes, and the candy will clear a line horizontally or vertically that matches its stripes.

Prioritize specific threats at each level. Don’t just make any old match you can. If a level has specific threats, like licorice or jelly, then take care of them first. If you don’t, you may run out of moves before you can clear the level. If the level has chocolate, go after that first.

Focus on edge jellies. It’s harder to make matches on the edges, so if you have threats like jellies on the edge of the board, try to clear them first.

Don’t move ingredients to the edges. Since it’s harder to make matches on the edges, you should also avoid moving ingredients to the edges. Always leave, or move, ingredients into a column where you will be able to drop them onto a green arrow.

Understand how chocolate works, and deal with it first. Chocolate is a creeping menace that expands to take over more squares each time you make a match anywhere on the board that doesn’t clear chocolate. To clear chocolate, make a match that includes any of the four candies immediately above, below, to the left, or to the right of the chocolate. Use special candies, like color bombs, if you need to.

Look for extra time candies. If you see candies with a +5 icon, try to include them in a match. These are extra time candies, and they show up in timed levels. If you can use one in a match, you get five extra seconds.

Use your boosters sparingly. You will earn boosters as you play, and you can also pay money for them. Save these powerful tools for tough levels, or you won’t have them when you need them.

Reshuffle especially difficult levels. While the layout and goals of a level are set in stone, the positions of individual candies are totally random. If you start a level and don’t like the layout of the candies, you can back out without losing a life if you haven’t made any moves. Start the level again, and you might have better positioning.

Finish levels with extra moves left for more points. If you still have moves left when you finish a level, jelly fish or striped candies will pop up and earn you more points. The more moves, the more chance that this will trigger a massive cascade of extra points.

[kdonsetproduction]

THE FAMILY CIRCUS (SHORT FILM)

As we were given homework to watch a short film this week, I chose the film "The Family Circus" by Andrew Fitzgerald. This film was a Christmas film but did not feel like a Christmas film at all, it was actually a Christmas Noir.

The story revolves around a Vietnamese family where the family is trying to cover up a drunken accident. The family is protecting one of their "spoiled son" who could go to jail for the accident as it would be his second DUI in 6 months. Therefore his brother takes up the blame. The first half of the film revolves around them developing a fake story for the accident that they would report. I think the story is so well written especially the first half. The dynamic between the characters works so well and the editing is just brilliant. According to me the strongest point in this film is the screenplay and the acting. Anyways moving forward, the second half is about the family dealing with the police officer who invites himself in their house for using the toilet and ends up staying for pie.

I think the film is brilliantly crafted. The chemistry between the family instantly makes you root for them without knowing any context. However, I was not a huge fan of the score in the film. I just do not think the score actually matches with the film and its pacing. The sound design is brilliant and works very well with the cinematography. I think the director keeps the audience engaged until the end. It is such a refreshing "Christmas film". I really enjoyed it.

[sevenbean]

watching this game sick and in bed is the most chill I've ever been watching an arsenal match. I keep dozing in an d out of medication naps to squint at the score line and refresh my dash. I've achieved zen actually

[clinicsharmartia]

I’m actually so annoyed rn omd so basically I’m going out with my parents and a family friend, we’re going to a local restaurant and I was very excited about it because I haven’t seen him in forever and I’m dying to hear about how him and his husband are doing etc. I’m getting ready and suddenly my friend texts me “r u excited for the game tonight??” And then it sinks in that I might be missing the biggest match this season that involves my club 😭😭😭😭😭 I’m actually going to dieeeee. The reservation is @ 6:30 and the game starts @ 8:00 but like uggggghh what if we’re late coming home and dihfiemekdkdke. I don’t want to be rude and watch it on my phone while we’re out but I also don’t want to keep refreshing the score page. Like seriously worse fucking timing ever known to man I’m actually so upset.

[dailyrugbytoday]

Premiership Rugby 2022: London Irish 29-20 Saracens

New Post has been published on https://thedailyrugby.com/premiership-rugby-2022-london-irish-29-20-saracens/

The Daily Rugby

https://thedailyrugby.com/premiership-rugby-2022-london-irish-29-20-saracens/

Premiership Rugby 2022: London Irish 29-20 Saracens

London Irish survived a spell with just 12 guys at hand Saracens their first Premiership rugby defeat of the campaign in an soaking up contest.

Ollie Hassell-Collins and Chandler Cunningham-South crossed for Irish and Paddy Jackson kicked 19 points, with both facets seeing pink for high tackles. Jackson landed five consequences to punish an indisciplined Sarries and converted each scores as Irish held out. Scrappy Sarries crossed through Kapeli Pifeleti and Sean Maitland.

Exiles captain Adam Coleman went inside the opening 40 while his shoulder related with hooker Tom Woolstencroft’s head, at the same time as Saracens lower back-rower Ben Earl’s failure to wrap and make contact with with the pinnacle saw him also depart in a primary half lasting about an hour.

London Irish director of rugby Declan Kidney told BBC

It was some game to watch, lots of ebbs and flows, what happened there has actually surprised me. We’ve been knocking on the door, but we got a bit of reward tonight.

Woolstencroft turned into compelled off after the heavy blow but after the match director of rugby McCall said he changed into “up and about”. Despite being beaten, Sarries stay 10 points clear at the top as second-placed Sale were beaten at Newcastle.

Saracens director of rugby Mark McCall

Hats off to London Irish, they were by far the better team and deserved their win. We seemed off it from the get-go, never played with the energy and clear minds that we normally do. We seemed rattled and distracted.

Having been narrowly edged out in defeats by Leicester, Exeter, Harlequins and Gloucester by means of less than 5 points, Declan Kidney will were thrilled to look Irish pop out at the proper aspect of the scoreboard.

This was just their 0.33 win of the season, and become the product of large heart and clear up to knock off the league leaders and deny them a dropping-bonus factor of their personal.

SARACENS MEN SUFFERED DEFEAT IN THE GALLAGHER PREMIERSHIP FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS SEASON AFTER THEY WERE BEATEN 29-20 BY LONDON IRISH IN AN EVENTFUL MATCH AT THE GTECH COMMUNITY STADIUM.

The Daily Rugby News, Scores, Results, Features

All Blacks star Richie Mo’unga officially signs to Japanese club rugby

by debrambuhl on December 26, 2022 at 5:19 pm

All Blacks star Richie Mo’unga is heading to Japanese club rugby after the 2023 Rugby World Cup, signing with Toshiba Brave Lupus. All Blacks playmaker Richie Mo’unga is to join Japanese club Toshiba Brave Lupus from Super Rugby side the Crusaders after next year’s Rugby World Cup. Toshiba announced the move, saying Mo’unga would be joined by Highlanders and

Gallagher Premiership Rugby: Exeter Chiefs 20-15 Bath

by debrambuhl on December 25, 2022 at 4:41 pm

Exeter Chiefs were made to sweat right until the final moments in recording a welcome Christmas Eve Premiership win over Bath at a blustery Sandy Park Sandy Park plays host to Exeter Chiefs v Bath Rugby in Round 13 of the 2022/23 Gallagher Premiership on Christmas Eve. Chiefs come into the match following impressive back-to-back

The best Biggest rugby moments in year of 2022

by debrambuhl on December 24, 2022 at 7:05 am

It was a hell of a rugby year, with loads going on (good, bad, and ugly as hell some of it). We’ve even forgotten a few moments, we bet! So here is a wee refresher of some of the biggest stories of the rugby year. If we’ve missed any, hit us up with your favourites

Not most effective did they’ve the purple card of Coleman, however sin-bins for Rory Jennings and Rob Simmons within minutes of every different at some stage in the second half of saw them go right down to 12 – and in addition they overcame the lack of Will Joseph to injury, which left them a returned brief for much of the sport.

They ruled the set-piece, harrying the traffic’ line-out and forcing a slew of loose-kicks at the scrum, with fly-1/2 Jackson buzzing at the lower back in their supremacy with incisive consists of.

Hassell-Collins’ bump and spin end out huge became the end result of sharp hands at the returned of field function created by using a teasing kick from Ben Loader, while Tom Pearson’s rampaging run past due on set the platform for Cunningham-South to power over.

Yet it was the shielding mind-set, within the face of a few relentless assault, that helped the hosts over the road, and frustrated a Saracens aspect who had won their first nine Premiership games of the season.

Although this changed into their first league sport due to the fact that November, Mark McCall’s Sarries had exceeded their European examinations in opposition to Edinburgh and Lyon in latest weeks.

At Brentford although, the set-piece troubles hurt them, while the stellar back department of Elliot Daly, Owen Farrell and Alex Goode were unable to supply sufficient of a danger while the numerical advantage turned into with them.

Pifeleti ground his way over after an Exiles penalty proficient discipline role just earlier than the destroy, while Daly’s grubber turned into messed up with the aid of Lucio Cinti for Maitland’s rating.

In the stop even though, despite getting inside a score’s attain, Irish stored them at arm’s duration for a valuable victory.

[tamarin7]

godDAMN the UCL today was insane

thoughts from a dumb american

I couldn't watch it live, but the number of times I refreshed live updates and saw another goal here and another one there got me hyped af

Napoli putting 10 past Ajax in 2 matches to make it to the knockout rounds is impressive props to them (plus 1st in Serie A I see you Napoli)

idk much abt atletico or brugge but brugge leading their group and getting the point with 10 men is awesome (again i couldn't watch the games so not sure if either side actually played well)

idk that much abt leverkusen or porto either but porto kinda deconstructed leverkusen from the looks of the scoreline

we all knew bayern was going to win and i love that muller scored bc he's underrated imo (also viktoria plzen put 2 past Bayern 👀)

okkkkk liverpool absolutely smashed, destroyed, carved apart - however you want to say it - rangers and genuinely every time i refreshed, there was a new goal, particularly when salah got his hat trick (fastest in ucl history?) and elliot scored his - the power of Klopp, huh?

Barcelona still have work to do, don't they but the scoreline went back and forth and thank god Barca had Lewa or they would've been embarrassed

Marseille winning vs Sporting is eh i mean im a spurs fan so that spurs-marseille game is looking increasingly important but after sporting's red card(s? -damn) marseille had it covered

and to my beloved spurs i mean...what can i say? Sonny scored 2 (including a beauty of a volley apparently) and Kane could've had to from the penalty spot but blasted one over in the 91st???? Unlike him...and there was a tiny bit of a scare with Eintracht's late goal but they came through to get those points

ummm yeah that's it lol can't wait for MD5

[peachyysugaa]

enhypen members on a café date ☕️♡ requested by anon

– heeseung

what kind of café he takes you to: his local favorite, it's on the cozier or quieter size, which gives him the privacy to spend quality time with you~

the menu: now serving your favorite coffees, teas, and sandwiches! from iced americanos to milk teas (bubbles/boba if you want) to paninis, this café has got all the regulars. what would you like to order? ♥

activities you do: while the two of you should probably go to a gaming café for this, you and heeseung always sit in a more private booth/area side-by-side and play multiplayer games on his switch. if you're not gaming, the two of you casually talk about your days while sipping your drinks, resting your head on his shoulder or working on your respective things, schoolwork maybe for you or producing for heeseung.

short blurb: "heeseung, you let me win." "no, you're just really good at this game, love." (˶◡‿◡) you just laugh and roll your eyes, pinching his cheeks before resting your head on his shoulder in the middle of your favorite booth, in your favorite café that was filled with precious memories.

rest of the members under the cut! <3

what kind of café he takes you to: either the most expensive café ever or the most aesthetic (which tends to be pretty expensive anyway), you already saw this coming because we all on that rich boy!jay agenda.

what kind of café he takes you to: either the most expensive café ever or the most aesthetic (which tends to be pretty expensive anyway), you already saw this coming because we all on that rich boy!jay agenda.

what kind of café he takes you to: either the most expensive café ever or the most aesthetic (which tends to be pretty expensive anyway), you already saw this coming because we all on that rich boy!jay agenda.

the menu: how do you even pronounce most of these drinks? ಠωಥ is that a caviar-flavored drink LOL say sike 🅱ls ‼ ahem, so order something familiar to you or let jay pick something for you (it might be expensive, but that's okay let him spoil you 🥺 you deserve it, king/queen/royalty)

activities you do: jay loves listening to your day, and you love listening to his. he often likes to tell you about new things he's learned, and you watch as his eyes brighten over these, loving every sparkle. with jay, i don't see him going to the same cafés all the time: he likes to explore, so the only thing that's consistent is the amount of quality time you two spend together.

short blurb: "jay..!" "hm? what's up? is something wrong with your drink?" "no, it's just...?" you take a second to think about your phrasing before you answer. "is there supposed to be gold foiling on this?" "oh yeah, it's on trend now, babe. i heard it tastes as expensive as it looks." "and as it costs?" 🤨 "don't worry about it, y/n. this is my treat for you since you've been working harder than usual these days." (۶ •̀ᴗ•́)۶

– jake

what kind of café he takes you to: a dog café, let's be honest he really wants to pet dogs and he would get along so well with them. it's the golden retriever energy 🤩

the menu: aside from dog treats to feed the puppers (not jake), re-energize with refreshing drinks from lemonade to peach tea! the dessert menu also looks enticing, honey brick toast and pancake art shaped like the many dogs that prance around the vicinity.

activities you do: pet and feed the dogs, of course, duh you're at a dog café 🐕 for some reason, they take after jake very well, so well that one is practically attached to the hip with him as he pets it, an australian shepherd. he asks you nicely to take pictures of him with it and you tell on him to layla.

short blurb: "y/n, y/n, look! this one loves me!" "i can see that, jake." "y/n, it's an austalian shepherd, do you think he knows i'm aussie too?" "maybe he does." "take my picture with it?" "oh, so proof for layla that you're cheating on her?" "NOOO LAYLA ㅠㅠ"

– sunghoon

what kind of café he takes you to: a modern chic café. it's got the industrial feel to it and perfectly matches his sophisticated vibes.

the menu: only coffees and plain teas! specializes more in hand brewing coffee and the like. also has some sandwiches or pastries for you to taste.

activities you do: with sunghoon, it's mostly talking. the way you two can talk about anything and everything really makes your relationship so comfortable. you two also watch videos and make side comments here and there together. don't forget to take each other's pictures and selfies together, there is no visual hole here and the setting is perfect, what are you waiting for? 📸

short blurb: "are you getting my good side?" "huh, but every side is your good side." "oh yea, you're right." you shake your head at his way of getting a backhanded compliment and simply snap the picture of him and his coffee. looking at it makes you smile, but he quickly pulls you into his side and holds up his phone. "now time to show off my beautiful s/o."

– sunoo

what kind of café he takes you to: a character café! whether it's kakao or line friends, you two are both there to enjoy the too-cute-to-eat types of food, taking many pictures before savoring it.

the menu: character-themed food and drinks! they're carefully planned out from the ingredients to the witty names, all to match the theme of the café. you order a full course meal with sunoo, sharing your entrees with each other and drinks, so you both have the chance to taste what you can!

activities you do: did you hear me? a full course meal 🗣‼️ you two are eating your weight's worth of food because (1) it's cute and (2) it's expensive! sunoo is a chatterbox, and i just know he scored you two a picture with either one of your favorite characters at a lower price. both of you also take part in any chants cheerfully~

short blurb: "you're as cute as all the characters here, y/nie!" "yah, we're both cuter than all of them, don't lie." "yes, you're right, we would be doing them a favor by taking a picture with one of them." "cheers to us then?" you ask holding your glass already. "cheers~" he replies and clinks yours with his. all of a sudden, your favorite character comes by with your plates of food. enamored, you ask if you and sunoo can take a picture with them, to which the servers agree happily as long as you pay accordingly. the two of you pose to your hearts' content with the cute character. after which, you think sunoo unintentionally charmed the servers to give him a lower price for the photo by signing it and letting them post it somewhere, which you can't help but think is so befitting of him.

– jungwon

what kind of café he takes you to: a cottage-style café or specifically, the sheep café in korea. the latter is actually located in hongdae and literally 2 sheep roam around! (search up thanks nature café) he would just want to touch their fluffy fur 🐑

the menu: very green, as in matcha and mint and pandan and the like. also has some cute garden-themed pastries/drinks like the good ol' throwback, dirt in a cup, (basically some crushed oreos with gummy worms), which jungwon is all over.

activities you do: when one goes to animal cafés, you pet the animals! so pet the sheep you two do, but very cautiously, of course. jungwon tries to ba with them, maybe even asks if they make clothing out of their wool.

short blurb: "do you make anything with their wool?" jungwon suddenly asks the worker nearby. "huh? oh yes, we actually do have some sweaters in store if you would like to see them." "yes please." "alright, one moment please." "wonie, will you actually buy one?" "i mean, yea, who else is able to say that they met the sheep their clothing came from?" it's overly priced, but he buys a scarf anyway and wraps it around the two of you despite it being summertime. "jungwon, it's hot in this!" (/Д`)

– niki

what kind of café he takes you to: manga café or a café with really cool latte art. riki would have fun either way, reading manga together or trying out latte art himself!

the menu: the manga café has all your regulars and even offer comfy snack foods like bungeoppang and ddeokboki! on the other hand, the latte art café really focuses on their art, thanks to the machine that prints out any design you want on top of it (which riki is amazed by).

activities you do: in a manga café, you would have a private room together and just chill and roll around in it. at the latte art café, he's having so much fun seeing all the characters and drawings are put on top, even when they're not his (he orders shin-chan or doraemon). they offer 3d latte art classes and the two of you take one!

short blurb: "y/n, your cat looks funny." "riki, it's deflating :(" "draw the face anyway." "how come yours is so nice?" "oh, i just frothed the milk myself." "what? riki, you are so cool~" he becomes bashful and makes use of his classes by buying the necessary materials to make you different 3d latte arts every day.

a/n: YAYY this was so cute thank you for your request again, anon! <3 i hope you liked it, especially the format hehe

[thundergrace]

wait idk about tennis but i really like serena, if she doesn’t win this, is she still in the competition or is it just over?

I don't either! I only watch her and a few others occasionally.

But, yes, I believe she's done now. I couldn't even actually watch any of these matches. I just had the live score updates. And even I know that last set was incredible because it lasted forever and and they both were just one point away from taking the set for like at least fifteen minutes! I kept refreshing like this cannot be updating in real time lol they must've just been volleying. I'm definitely checking the highlights. She fought until the very end. They can never say she stopped wanting it