#actually twice at the beginning is so lost at the situation and completely at hawks mercy so

[animefansession]

I love how, if you don't know what the anime is about, you'd guess wrongly who the hero and the villain are respectively.

[delimeful]

taking the fall (3)

warnings: imprisonment, interrogation, injury, mild blood, panic and sensory overload, dehumanizing language, ambiguous motives, morally neutral/antagonistic janus, snakes mention

-

His guest wasn’t eating.

Janus cast an irritated glance over to the terrarium, where the only “life” that could be seen was a clump of thick foliage in one corner.

He’d left the old fake plants in there as a taunt, but as soon as the tiny creature had ascertained that there were no snakes in the grass, they’d immediately bundled every bit of shiny plastic greenery into a makeshift nest and hid within it. He supposed he should have expected it, from one as industrious as these tiny folk all seemed to be.

Regardless of his guest’s reticence, he’d been setting small dishes of food in there whenever he himself took his meals, giving them some time to adjust to the reality of their situation. It had been a couple of days, however, and every miniature entree looked entirely untouched.

His prisoner seemed to be on a hunger strike.

It added more evidence to his theory that he was being misled in regards to his guest’s identity. If they were actually a victim in all this, why bother keeping quiet and refusing to give the answers Janus needed? Why go so far as to not even eat, for people who allegedly wouldn’t care if he lived or died?

No, things made much more sense if this was a gambit on the tiny people’s part, one of them volunteering to stay and play sacrificial lamb, distracting him for as long as the others needed. Their terror, their injury, their tiny bitter laugh, it could all be part of a ploy for pity on his end. Get him too invested in a puzzling prisoner while the others escaped.

The thought made his stomach drop unpleasantly. His opponents were exceedingly small, and he was one of the few who knew they existed. If they got away, he’d never see them again.

He couldn’t afford that.

Pushing his chair back, he approached the terrarium, casting an assessing eye over the food set out in it. Some of it could sit out, and had been there overnight, the best time for his guest to eat without risking even seeing Janus. But no. Not a single crumb out of place to indicate that anything had been eaten.

“Still alive?” he asked dryly, rapping a knuckle on the glass once.

There was a long pause, and then one of the leafy stems sticking out from the nest twitched twice. This daily question and response was the only communication he’d had with his guest since that first afternoon, and even this small, silent answer had originally been prompted by a threat of Janus reaching in there and checking himself.

“I notice that you’ve been refusing any sustenance,” he continued idly, and got nothing for his efforts. “Planning to die before you can give up any secrets?”

No response. Janus sighed as though put upon, and slid the terrarium lid halfway off. There were still no meaningful movements from the nest, though it seemed to be subtly trembling. It was impressive that despite the dark clothing that his guest wore, he still couldn’t make out exactly where they were even this close.

With narrowed eyes, he reached in and grabbed a few of the plastic leaves, tugging to pull the construction apart bit by bit.

He only caught the faintest flicker of movement before there was a sudden sharp pain in his index finger, and he yanked his hand back on reflex.

A weight came up with it, putting even more pressure on his wound, and it dropped as soon as his hand was just above the terrarium lid.

Seeing the dark shape attempting to scramble away, his other hand smacked down on top of it automatically, pressing it into the mesh with a small, muffled cry.

He glanced at his hand. There was a plastic thorn hooked in his thumb, the broad end chewed off and the point of it sharpened. His guest had attacked and used him as a makeshift lift in their escape attempt.

“Oh,” he intoned, voice dark. “Seems like you have plenty of energy after all, hm?”

---

Virgil took in short, gasping breaths, barely able to hear whatever threatening thing the human was muttering as pain radiated through his leg.

It let up just slightly as the pressure of the hand on top of him eased, his face no longer pressed into the cold wire netting of the cage’s top. Before he could try and string two thoughts together, the fingers were curling around him like a hawk’s talons, lifting him up and sending another jolt of mind-numbing pain through him. He might have whimpered.

So much for that escape attempt. He’d known it was a long shot, but his options had been limited after realizing that he literally couldn’t stand on the injured leg any more. They’d dwindled further with every day he couldn’t bring himself to crawl over to any food or water. Living outside, he’d survived on very little before, but it was a gamble every time.

He was flipped to face the light, the human’s head in silhouette above him. He couldn't make out it’s words. Everything felt overwhelming, made incomprehensible by the pain and the dark spots in his vision. His face felt hot. Was he bleeding?

Things went blissfully quiet above him, and then he was being moved. He wondered if the human was about to kill him, and the thought sent a much weaker pulse of panic down his spine than usual. He hoped it killed borrowers before feeding them to it’s snakes.

Something soft and dark dropped over him, and he thrashed for a moment before his leg reminded him how awful an idea that was. So he laid still instead, letting his terror shake through him in waves, until he wasn’t completely lost to it anymore.

Slowly, he lifted a hand, feeling at what was draped over him. Cloth, soft in texture and tightly-knit enough that not much light got through. Below him… a warm, living surface.

“Awake?” the human said, voice both closer and quieter than he’d ever heard it.

Another shudder worked through him, and he reached up to press his hands over his face, wishing none of this was real. His eye pigment had run, drying in tracks down his cheeks.

He wouldn’t be able to reapply it. The locket he stored it in was left behind with the rest of his stuff, tucked away into his oversized pack and left at the opening into the human’s home. It had probably already been torn through and picked apart by Mari and the other insiders.

The thought stung, somehow more personal than the nightmare of the situation he was already in.

“I believe I see now why you haven’t eaten,” the human continued with a surprising lack of snark. It must have seen his leg. He felt a little sick just thinking about it.

What had felt like a low-grade fracture through the adrenaline had ended up growing worse and worse without treatment, until the injury was a solid lump of swollen flesh and ugly bruising that twanged with agony at even the slightest shifts. He wondered if the human was going to use it against him. It would make torture exceedingly easy on its part.

“Continue with the silent treatment, and you won’t get any actual treatment,” it said, now sounding exasperated.

After another stretch of silence, the hand beneath him moved and tilted, sliding him off onto a flat surface. Suddenly desperate to know what was going on, Virgil yanked at the cloth, dragging handfuls of it down until he reached an edge and could pull it clear of his eyes.

The light in this room was dimmer, but it still took him a moment to adjust. He wasn’t in a snake tank, but on top of a low table in what looked like a sitting room, if he remembered the human terms right. The human was seated on the couch nearby, looking down at him.

“There you are.”

---

The tiny person shot him a furious glare, rendered mostly ineffective by the dark tear streaks that were still smudged along their face.

Janus wished his earlier reflexes had been a little gentler. He’d had a quite embarrassing moment of panic where he’d thought the grotesque worsening of their leg injury had been caused by his grasp, rather than simple neglect and lack of treatment.

Despite his patience, they didn’t reply, continuing to just stare at him. He stood, ignoring the way it instantly made them begin trembling again.

“I’ll be back in a moment. Feel free to move around and make your injury worse,” he instructed dryly, before turning and going to grab the first aid kit from the bathroom.

His thumb was still sensitive, the injury messily scabbed over with dried blood. He’d pried the thorn out with his teeth easily enough, but with his other hand occupied by a prone tiny person and their hyperventilation fit, he couldn’t properly treat it.

Upon his return, he saw his guest had abandoned his handkerchief and was halfway to the edge of the table. He rolled his eyes, and set the kit down before grabbing them by the shoulders and sliding them back over to the handkerchief.

“I was being sarcastic, you know,” he told them, and opened the kit to start cleaning his undersized injury. “I’ll be very unhappy if my only source of information dies a completely avoidable death for no reason.”

“Yeah, because I sure wouldn’t want to make you unhappy,” his guest bit out, and then looked as though they were deeply and immediately regretting opening their mouth. Janus didn’t know why; he personally took much better to sass than being stabbed.

“So you do know how sarcasm works. Color me impressed.”

The tiny person actually hissed at him, like the world’s most emo kitten.

“Yes, yes, I feel very threatened,” Janus retaliated by prodding them with the edge of an open tube of arnica gel. “Here. For the bruising.”

After another long glare, his guest spoke. “What do you want for it?”

Janus raised an eyebrow. “Couldn’t it be argued that I owe it to you, for allowing the injury to fester while you’re in my care?”

“Your care--!” his guest cut themself off, taking in a deep breath through gritted teeth. “Terrible hosting etiquette aside, you weren’t the one who gave me the injury. Not your concern. So, what do you want?”

Janus wondered absently how tiny people qualified their hosts’ manners. He had certainly already failed by human standards, immediately imprisoning his guest and all, so perhaps it didn’t really matter either way. He wasn’t above taking advantage of a tiny person’s bartering honor system. “Answer three questions.”

“I get to pass on questions I don’t want to answer,” his guest countered quickly, apparently having expected this.

“You get five passes,” Janus allowed. Seeing what they refused to answer would be informative in itself.

“... Fine.” With another glance at their injury, they grabbed the tube sharply enough that they almost overbalanced. “Ask.”

“Where are the others living?” Janus asked, just to set the stakes high.

“Pass,” his guest answered, not even looking up from their task. Janus rolled his eyes.

“Why are you defending them?” he tried.

“I’m not defending them,” they shot back, vitriol thick in their voice. “I just don’t want you to get what you want. That’s one question.”

“Ouch. I’m hurt, really.” Janus tapped his nails along the table idly. “What’s your name and pronouns?”

This did prompt them to look up, face pinching up in confusion. After a moment, they returned to their baseline expression of scowl and retorted, “That’s two questions.”

“It’s one sentence, it counts as one question,” Janus lied smugly. They still looked close to passing, so he gave them a nudge. “Unless you want me to make something up? I’m very creative, I assure you.”

“I use he,” he finally grit out, “and you can call me V.”

“For Vendetta?” Janus mused, and received an utterly baffled look for his wit. “I suppose your movie repertoire isn’t that expansive.”

“Two questions,” V said flatly. “One left.”

“Yes, I can count.” Janus glanced at V’s gel-covered leg. “You have to rub that in for it to work.”

V’s expression flickered to one of despair, but he bit his lip and started to slowly massage the gel in. Janus wondered at how easily he’d believed him.

“What do you call yourselves?”

“Pass.”

“Where did you live?”

“Pass.”

“How do I bait the others out?”

“Pass.”

“Why do you hate me more than the ones who allegedly put you here?”

V’s hand slipped, and he winced and paused for a moment. “... Pass.”

There was certainly a grudge there. Too bad Janus had no idea what it could be about. Oh well.

He set a hand on the table, leaning over V. “When do the others plan to leave? As specific as you can get, please.”

“Pa--,” V cut himself off, and Janus could see the moment he realized he had used up all his get-out-of-questioning-free cards. He patiently waited out the tiny person’s fit of frustration.

“... I don’t know.” Janus’s smug grin dropped, but V continued after a speculative pause. “I don’t think they’ll leave before the season's turning. The spring thaw has been slow this year, and they’re-- not suited for it.”

Janus felt some of the tension drop from his shoulders. The start of summer. He had time, and the advantage of a weather forecast app. That was good news, even if he’d had to wrangle it out of his guest. He had time.

“How interesting,” he said lightly, and capped the gel to put it back in the box. V’s hands were clutching the edge of his coat tightly, as though guilty or angry. Or perhaps just stressed. “Let’s get some food in actual range of you, then, shall we?”

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Lost Part 7

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Link to Part 6

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- smut

_____

“Time to be a good girl…”

You repeated the thought again before stepping into your bedroom. The room was cool and quiet as you waited to see if you could hear the television. Your parents would be so lost in their Christmas specials that they wouldn’t realize their youngest daughter was being ravaged by her boyfriend (whom they thought was a perfect angel).

“Reggie?”

You whispered his name as you went to flip on the light. A hand immediately caught yours as you were turned and pushed against the wall.

“Leave it off, for now.”

Regulus’ voice was calm and cold as he took both of your hands in his and held them over your head.

“You’ve kept me waiting.”

“Yeah, for maybe 10 minutes.”

You replied, sounding a little sassier than planned. Regulus chuckled in the dark before shoving his body against yours.

“I should shut that smart mouth up.”

You bit your lip. He wanted to play his games and tonight you were more than excited about it.

“You said that you had a surprise for me?”

Regulus tilted your face to his. You could see his face in the moonlight. He gave you a little sneer before leaning down. Thinking that you were going to get a kiss, you puckered your lips waiting to feel his mouth on yours. When you didn’t get the sensation that you wanted, your eyes snapped open.

“Only good girls get surprises. You’re being a bit too snarky.”

Regulus replied.

“I was good all night.”

You protested. Regulus finally leaned down to kiss you. You kissed him, perhaps a little too eagerly.

“So why was my brother watching us all night?”

Regulus asked. He had let go of your hands and backed away from you at this point. Walking across the room, he sat down in the armchair in the corner. Regulus put his arms behind his head and stretched his legs out as if he owned the whole damn place.

“I think that he’s concerned about us. He actually asked if we ran off and got married.”

Regulus patted his lap.

“Come here, love.”

You didn’t wait to be told twice before rushing across the room and taking your place on his lap. Regulus was silent for a few moments as you lavished attention on his cheeks and neck.

“What did you tell him?”

“No, of course. I think he is just worried because of your family…”

“I would consider him a fool if he didn’t worry.”

Regulus replied. His left hand gently reached up your leg and stopped at the hem of your dress.

“I remember something about black lace knickers.”

He commented. You quickly jumped off of Regulus’ lap and hastily unzipped your dress. The garment hit the floor leaving you only in the lace thong that you had picked out when shopping with Lily the day before. To your relief, Lily hadn’t asked any questions. Had she noticed, she would probably be “checking up on you” at that very moment.

“They’re new...I bought these yesterday.”

You commented, knowing that you were probably offering information that Regulus didn’t care about. He had flipped the small reading lamp on and was looking you over like a hawk. Those grey eyes studied each and every inch of your body. Tonight, the two of you had more time to do whatever you wanted and he was going to enjoy every moment of it.

“Let me see the back.”

Regulus ordered. You turned, feeling his eyes on your ass.

“I like them. Back on my lap, sweetheart.”

You quickly sat back down as Regulus manhandled you so that your back was against his chest. He reached out and slowly rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. You swallowed back a ball of tension the moment that the dark mark on his arm came into view.

“Be sure to bring these back to school.”

Regulus commented as his left hand began to slide up your body. You gasped as he greedily cupped your breast and tugged at your nipple.

“Hush now. We don’t want mummy and daddy knowing what we are doing in here, do we?”

Regulus whispered in your ear. You frantically shook your head as Regulus nuzzled his face against your neck.

“That’s a good girl. Where do you want me to touch you first?”

You quickly grabbed Regulus’ hand and placed it over your knicker covered mound. He slowly started circling your clit with his middle finger. You pressed your lips together to stop a moan from coming out.

“Keep quiet. You can’t let mum and dad hear.”

You though, trying to keep your moan to a minimum. Regulus dropped his mouth back to your ear as he slid his hand into your knickers.

“Love, you’re so wet. Too bad you can’t moan too loud. I love hearing you cry my name.”

“Reggie, you’re killing me.”

You whimpered. Regulus laughed evilly.

“Poor baby.”

You clenched your eyes closed as his long fingers teased at your entrance. Turning your head, you shoved your lips against his as Regulus pushed two fingers inside. The realization that this was one of the more erotic things that you had ever done hit you like a brick. You were on your lover's lap while he finger fucked you with your parents and sister right down the hall.

Regulus quickly took over control in the hungry french kisses. He knew that if he didn’t keep his mouth on yours, you would be crying his name in no time.

“I’m close.”

You whispered. Regulus gave you a mirthful grin before yanking his hand out of your knickers. Your eyes snapped open as you thought about protesting but stopped yourself.

“That was mean.”

Regulus gave you that sarcastic little sneer that he was so good at.

“Why don’t you go lay down on the bed and I’ll show you what I brought.”

You jumped off of Regulus’ lap and raced to your bed.. Laying down, you looked at Regulus with those “I have been very good” eyes that usually got you what you wanted. Regulus liked to think that he had complete control of the situation when it came to making love like this but you knew that you were the one with control.

Regulus, meanwhile, stood up and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. He tossed it carelessly to the armchair that he had been sitting in.

“Lose the pants too.”

You demanded earning a smile from Regulus.

“Soon.”

Regulus quickly took his place over you on the bed. Placing a knee on either side of your body, he reached to his back pocket and pulled out his school tie. Regulus couldn’t help but smile the moment that the realization clicked in his mind.

“That’s crafty.”

You commented as Regulus took both of your hands and his and raised them above your head. He wrapped the tie around your wrists and headboard.

“This was the surprise?”

You asked. Regulus nodded.

“Yes, try to get out of that.”

You attempted to move your hands but were unable to. Regulus appeared to be thrilled with his handiwork before leaning back. This was just like at school. You wouldn’t be going anywhere that Regulus didn’t want you to.

Meanwhile, you moved your hands again before smiling up at him. It had been a long time since the two of you had done something like this and you were more than thrilled for this to be happening.

“You know that I like this...and the fact you brought your school tie…”

You said fighting the pangs of desire going through your body. Regulus smirked as he stroked his fingers over your breasts and stomach.

“I figured that you would enjoy that detail.”

Regulus slowly moved his position off of you to pull the lace knickers up. Sliding a hand back over your mound, he stroked you for a few moments before releasing the lace material and letting it playfully snap against your body. You squealed at the impact as Regulus shoved his hand over your mouth.

“Love, you’re going to get us in trouble. Hush, now.”

You nodded and placed your hand over Regulus’ taking your time to stroke over each of his fingers. Regulus didn’t move for a moment.

“Good girl.”

He praised before taking his hand away. His grey eyes fell down to your knickers.

“Maybe we should take these off? Ass up, sweetheart.”

Regulus suggested before tugging the fabric over your hips and down your legs. You whimpered realizing that you were totally naked while Regulus still had his dress pants on. Trying to move your hands, the frustration of not being able to touch your lover was beginning to set in. Regulus chuckled, his voice dropping an octave.

“You’re not touching me...might as well get over it. As for me...well, I can do what I want.”

You swallowed back a sigh as Regulus leaned down for a kiss. The kiss was sweetly innocent. His hands, however, was the devious party. Regulus cupped your breasts as he shoved the plump flesh together.

Leaning down, Regulus took your left nipple into his mouth. He nipped at the tender flesh as his right hand continued to tease the right nipple before letting his hand slide down your body. The moment that his hand came into contact with your core, you could have come.

“Don’t think about it.”

Regulus muttered as he kissed the nipple that he had been paying so much attention to. Grey eyes rolled up to yours as he got off of the bed. You bit your lip as Regulus unbuckled his belt and pushed his trousers down his slender hips.

“Would you like a nice blowjob?”

You asked, licking your lips. Regulus smiled and shook his head.

“This is all about you, sugar. Now, I would rather taste those pretty lips.”

Regulus took his place on top of you and came back for another kiss. You sighed as he nibbled on your bottom lip. Right as he was about to start teasing your tongue with his there was a knock at the locked door. Regulus was glaring over his shoulder as your mother’s voice came from the other side.

“Sweetheart, are you still awake?”

Regulus looked down at you with a raised eyebrow. His hair had started to fall into his eyes as he mouthed “answer her.”

“I’m just finishing up a homework assignment and getting changed, mum.”

You choked out as Regulus started rubbing his cock against your clit. It took all that you had to not start moaning as Regulus grinned like the little devil that he was. Your cheeks were blood red as you realized the situation that you were in. Your mother stood on the other side of the door while you were tied to your bed with your boyfriend about to fuck you. Regulus was obviously enjoying himself with the whole thing too.

“Reggie, please.”

You whispered, pleading for him to behave for just a moment. He shook his head before pushing just the tip inside of you. Teasing your entrance, he watched with a devilish little grin as you tried to focus on not moaning while your mother was on the other side of the door.

“Okay, sweetheart. You’re father and I are going to bed. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

You managed to get out. Regulus waited until he heard her footsteps on the stairs before looking back at you smugly.

“Regulus Arcturus Black, you could have gotten us in trouble.”

Regulus quickly shoved the rest of the way in.

“Mummy needs to go away. It's my turn to have you.”

He commented.

“Dirty boy.”

You replied with a smile. The smile alone told Regulus that you weren’t mad. He set a slow steady rhythm. It wasn’t fast enough to make you want to come but enough to set a maddening sensation in your tummy.

“You like it though.”

Regulus groaned. He reached up and undid the tie that held your hands above your head.

“Turn on your stomach.”

Regulus commanded as he pulled out to let you do as you were told. You had barely got situated with your ass when Regulus shoved back in. Leaning down he pressed a kiss to your spine.

“Hold on to the headboard, love.”

You quickly did as you were told. As soon as your hands wrapped around the bars, Regulus increased his speed. You were thankful for your headboard at this point.

“Damn it, I want to make noise.”

Regulus growled. You frantically nodded.

“Me too.”

“I want to make you scream.”

Regulus grunted. You shoved your face into your pillow and screamed as loud as you could.

“Well, that works...could be better though…”

Twenty minutes later, you lay snuggled against Regulus’ chest. His long fingers stroked through your hair as he waited for your breathing to return to normal.

“Maybe the next time we meet up to have sex, if we aren’t back at school, we can sneak off to a hotel or something.”

You suggested. Regulus smiled.

“We could always go to one of my family's estates? We aren’t using all of them at the same time. Besides...we could play house and see what it’s going to be like eventually.”

You smiled against his chest.

“That would be nice.”

Over the next week, Regulus would sneak out to come to see you as much as he could. This morning in particular, the two of you sat at a small cafe in London. You sat snuggled against Regulus’ side as the two of you sat quietly whispering to each other.

“So you really meant it? We are going to be open about being boyfriend and girlfriend at school? What if it gets back to your parents?”

You questioned as Regulus took a sip of the tea in front of him. Putting the cup down, he turned his attention back to you. He was thankful that the little cafe was drafty. This provided all of the more excuse for you to be as close to him as possible.

“Don’t worry about my family. If anyone says anything either Evan or myself will take care of whoever it is.”

You were surprised. Evan Rosier was okay with Regulus dating you...a muggle-born? What was this world coming to? Better yet, what did Regulus threaten Evan with to make his best friend okay with this?

“Reggie, how is Evan okay with us as a couple?”

Regulus shrugged.

“I think he was sick of me being a miserable bastard. Plus the whole Slytherins adoring Hufflpuffs seems to actually be a thing. Evan may be a difficult and disagreeable dick at times but he actually cares about my happiness...you make me happy so Evan is looking the other way. If he suddenly decides our being together is a problem...well, it won’t end great for him.”

You snuggled your face against his shoulder as the door to the cafe opened and closed.

“Regulus?”

Both Regulus and yourself looked up to see none other than Orion Black looking down at you...

_______

@amelie-black

@realgaytrash

@truly-insatiable

@nikki-sixx-is-daddy

@swinginsoulbailiffrascal

@velveteencurls

@kitkatkl

@bisou-doux

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@hankypranky

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@summer-novak

@li0nh34rt

@tas898

@marichromatic

@maggioli-m

@stuckinsaudi1

@knight-of-gleefulness

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@shaylybaby2032

@emiwrites3reads

@untoldshortsofthefandoms

@sprnaturallover

@shitfaceddaniel

@spiderxalmighty

@wontlookaway

@mycuddlycorner

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Series Review Pt. 2/3

Part One

Part Three

Continuing the trend, lots to read under the cut.

In part one we established that the central conflict of the series as a whole is not so much a black and white “good guys side vs bad guys side” but of a much more complex societal problem stemming from individual choices and series of choices made by individual people and the impact those choices have on others. This is the heart of the current conflict between Hawks and Twice.

Twice and Hawks share many things in common and have been shown to develop a genuine friendship in their shared time in the PLF. This, however, has not changed the fact that they are still functioning from opposite sides of the central conflict - at least the institutional facet of it. Each of them has taken up a position fundamentally opposed to the other in attempts to bring about their prospective “big picture” futures, but that comes with the added emotional baggage each carries from the events that have happened to them in their respective pasts.

The visual direction of the scene enforces this concept. Each one is seeing the other literally from a different angle and in a different light. Twice is on the ground prone in a room where the only exit is blocked while Hawks stands alert and at attention over him, obscuring the only source of light entering the room. 

From Twice’s perspective Hawks’ face is obscured- the harsh light from behind casting a dark shadow across any features that would clue him into what Hawks is feeling - and he has to use the context clues he has available (posture, words, immediate events) through tears and adrenaline to interpret how to respond to Hawks. He’s been so suddenly thrust into this situation he literally and metaphorically can’t properly tell which way is up from where he lies. (Note how Hawks’ silhouette is sideways and looming over him in the same direction as Twice would be seeing from his place on the ground on page 13.)

From Hawks’ perspective Twice is knocked off balance and panicking like a cornered animal, completely unaware of the larger situation at hand and how they arrived here. When the perspective of the camera shifts and we can see his face again for the first time we get a completely different picture of what’s going on. Importantly, we can see in the change in perspective a closeup (usually used to highlight the key emotion) of Hawks’ face, complete with a somber and compassionate gaze that Twice is incapable of discerning right now.

Read this section through again twice. The first time use only the frame from Twice’s perspective and the second time read it with Hawks’. This is something I’m actually intrigued to see the anime handle because depending how deep the divergence in perspective goes, even the vocal performance may be different depending on the camera angle.

Twice sees a sociopathic, unempathetic monster who has used, abused, and thrown away his sincere offer of friendship to get what he wants and then has the audacity to try to convince him to play the fool again to get Twice to betray his friends for an easy way out. Hawks sees a person who feels betrayed and scared so Hawks is trying sincerely to explain to him what has been going on in order to be transparent because that’s the only way he can think to communicate the fact that he still values Twice, ending on the note that he believes that while Twice has crimes to answer for, he is still a good person who deserves to have a real shot at a happy life and that Hawks is personally invested in making that a reality if he’s willing to take the offer and trust him.

Hawks is operating as an enforcing tool of the law, but while he believes that law is set in place for general stability and safety it takes a human to human connection and cooperation to save someone to whom the law is blind. On page 16 when he says, “I don’t want to fight you, Bubaigawara!” he’s identifying with him not as the villain Twice, but as a person with an identity and will separate from the personae he’s crafted for himself over the years. Hawks would probably use his own real name to try to hammer this point home if there was a way to naturally do it. If Bubaigawara continues to resist and fight Hawks cannot make the case to others that he deserves a second chance. 

The exact memory that comes to Hawks’ mind is Twice’s words, “Anyone who helps his friends can’t be all bad.” Hawks is trying to say in this scene, “I’m your friend! I’m trying to help you! I know you see me as the bad guy, but I want to be your hero so please let me save you the only way I know how! Please trust me!”

He needs the cooperation, but Twice resists and Hawks has no other choice but to operate as law enforcement for the sake of the greater good. Twice has chosen to be a “villain,” so Hawks has to be a “hero.” All those feathers were for Twice in the case Hawks needed them, and now Hawks has to subdue the Sad Man’s Parade alone as well as Dabi whom neither knows is on the way.

That’s the bad news, but the good news is that hope is not lost. 

This is where I repeat my mantra of “we won’t know specific, individual fates until they happen." However, I think there are notable observations to keep in mind as we watch these final battles unfold.

Coming off of the discussion with Twice and Hawks, many including myself (and arguably even Twice) have gotten hung up on whether Hawks will choose to join the League eventually. Where we are now, I think it’s become a moot point almost not worth discussion anymore. If he does, we’ll see it soon; but Hawks seems to recognize that as long as the core complaints of the individual League members - and any of their sympathizers, for that matter - are not directly addressed, some other criminal force will come alongside and clash with them continuing the cycle of bloodshed and violence as influential leaders focus on gaining power until they are absorbed or achieve their end goal of complete anarchy and societal destruction. (Remember, he’s been following the League and their movements at least as far back as Kamino.) We saw it with the MLA, we saw it with the Shie Hassaikai, and even with Stain - along with the League of Villains, it began with a guerrilla group of revolutionists seeking to right a societal injustice; but if and when a separate opposing force of revolutionist outsiders cannot agree with them a battle ensues until one is subjugated and the strength of the loser is granted to the victor. Until the underlying issues are addressed, this cycle will only continue.

This is also to bring up the fact that the League of Villains is genuinely strong in terms of interpersonal loyalty but as an organization with foundational core values and a unified end goal has been fractured and shaky since the beginning. We saw those particular cracks most prominently just before the fight with Gigantomachia when lack of outer conflict began to highlight the inherent lack of unity in the LoV, only to be interrupted once again when some outside force stirred up a reason for them to work together for survival. Remember, all of the current members of the League of Villains were initially attracted and recruited because Shigaraki falsely appropriated Stain’s ideology. Dabi has stated he wants a world where heroes are obligated to their families first and that thinking of the misery he’s left the survivors of killed heroes “drives him crazy.” Toga wants a world where she has a network of unconditional support without feeling repressed. Twice wants a world in which he can trust others and be trusted and useful despite his bad luck and occasional mistakes. Spinner has clarified he needs a cause to believe in and fight for that supports outcasts like him, and Mr. Compress’s reasons for joining the League are simply to challenge the current status quo instead of mindlessly embracing it.

Shigaraki’s nihilistic dystopia of “burn everything to the ground” is not necessary to achieve any of these goals, and if enough confidence in alternative solutions and doubts in Shiguraki’s loyalty grows in the minds of each member of the League it could genuinely fall apart at the seams, though that isn’t to say that the League isn’t an incredibly tight knit and loyal group - quite the opposite, they’ve constantly shown to be willing to risk life and limb for each others’ sake - just that they’re more concerned with tearing down the current order than restructuring a cohesive new one. However, if the context around their unity has genuinely shifted to center around Shigaraki himself as a symbolic leader as it's been implied since the fight with Gigantomachia and the MLA, this will be clarified very quickly.

Even for most other villains we’ve encountered through the series this violence-first upheaval of society is not necessary to realize most of their goals. Gentle Criminal sought to shake up heroes’ apathy and overconfidence in their strength - La Brava following him closely because of her unwavering loyalty to him as a person - and even Stain was not opposed to the concept of heroes, just an institution of heroism that breeds greed and apathy instead of elevating the ideals of heroism. 

There have been exceptions like the Shie Hassaikai (who sought a complete erasure of quirks from the human genome) and the initial ideology of the Meta Liberation Army (a world ruled by the strong with completely unimpeded use of quirks) that would have required an entire shift in society on a cultural, governmental, legislative, and economic level; but for most the heart of their issues with society is an issue of the heart - that is, a cultural shift is necessary first and foremost to alleviate the problems each of these criticisms address.

This drastic but necessary change has been difficult to achieve up until this point because most of the mouthpieces for these cultural criticisms are either not weighty enough to carry traction without the threat of violence or are held by those motivated by personal vengeance who are not guaranteed to sit and talk  about peaceful options even if the opportunity was presented to them. The “outsiders” are so deeply ostracized in the current social and political climate that they can’t get a word in edgewise to those “inside” who go mostly unaffected by the shortcomings the outcasts are attempting to bring to light. This is where the series’ proposed solution enters the stage.

[vgckwb]

ML: Chasing Shadows (A Fan Supplemental) Chapter 3: A Jealous Bug. A Clumsy Cat.

Marinette was having another one of her Cat Noir dreams. She fell asleep during a break. Everyone seemed to understand her new sleep routine at this point and didn’t question her on it. At least if it was during break she wouldn’t get chastised for sleeping in class.

She was dreaming that she, as Ladybug, and Cat Noir were sitting on a beach. It was just the two of them as far as the eye could see. In one hand, they each had a tropical drink. They were using their other hand to hold hands across chairs. The ocean breeze. The nice sunset. The crashing of the waves. It was paradise.

Someone who wasn’t in paradise was Rose. Rose was working on lyrics for Kitty Section’s newest song. She was having trouble though. The melody was clear and perfect. She knew how it made her feel. And yet, she couldn’t write a single word.

Rose was losing sleep over this. She could form each note perfectly. She could tell what the music was wanting her to say. She just couldn’t say any of it. She sighed. This wouldn’t be as bad if Juleka wasn’t sick. Juleka was Rose’s muse, for lack of a better term. For some reason, she would inspire Rose’s disorganization into words that made sense.

Rose took out a keychain Juleka made for her and looked at it for inspiration. Things were coming up, but not with the clarity of what Juleka normally made up.

“Well well” Hawk Moth said from his lair. “A struggling artist burning the midnight oil only to come up with nothing! How very tragic! Go, my little akuma, and evilize her!”

The akuma flew into the keychain. “Z Catcher! I am Hawk Moth! Having trouble falling asleep? I’m giving you the power to take sleep from others. Although that’s not all you need to take! I need Ladybug and Cat Noir’s miraculous as well!”

“Of course, Hawk Moth!” Rose said. She started to morph. Everyone in the classroom began to leave. Adrien had to wake Marinette up a little before Marinette realized what was going on. To be fair, there were some tremors in her beach dream, which did help wake her up.

She eventually broke off from everyone to transform into Ladybug and start dealing with Z Catcher. She looked the monster over. It was a giant pink creature that looked hazy and had bags under its eyes.  She had a keychain wrapped around her wrist. “I bet that’s where the akuma is!” Ladybug said. She needed to get in further to assess the situation more.

She swung in to get more details, but the akuma swung at her. She didn’t want to get hit, so she dodged. Z Catcher hit someone else, causing them to go into a sleep-deprived panic state. “Well, this is bad.”

“M’Lady!” Cat Noir yelled, extending his bo to her. She grabbed on and got whisked away. Z Catcher followed the two heroes outside.

Ladybug was happy to see Cat Noir as usual. Sure, he wasn’t there in the way she was getting used to, but he was at least real. She smiled for a second. Then the imminent damage caused by this sleep-deprived akuma caused it to snap back into reality. She realized the faster she got this done, the faster that she can go back to seeing Cat Noir in not life or death scenarios.

Unfortunately, the realization seemed to be lost on Cat Noir. I mean, of course it would be. It’s not like he knew. But Ladybug found him distracted somewhat. Sure, she wasn’t all there either, but she was at least focused enough not to get hit. She dodged out of the way of an incoming strike. She noticed her partner didn’t do the same, so she had to save him.

“Cat!” Ladybug’s voice startled Cat out of his sluggish daze. Cat Noir blinked and dangled around, now seeming to realize the situation he was in. He smiled in an attempt to charm her, and while it was more charming than it had ever been, it only just upset Ladybug furthe. What if she never got to see that charming smile again? She didn’t want to risk that.

She remained calm. Well, as calm as you could be in a situation like this. She looked at her partner and said “What is up with you?! You need to pay attention. This isn’t exactly an easy akuma, you know!” Cat’s ears flattened guiltily but before he could respond, Ladybug cut him off. “Nevermind. We need an advantage, so let me just call for a lucky charm.”

Suiting action to word, Ladybug unwrapped Cat Noir, letting him drop to the roof below hers as she flung her yo-yo into the air. She called out her signature “Lucky Charm!” When the mirror dropped into her hands, Ladybug glanced down at it before looking around anxiously.

“Ladybug? What do you need?” Cat asked. Ladybug frowned at him unhappily. Ladybug turned her attention to the mirror itself. It had the same pattern she usually used in her designs.

It couldn’t be...could it? She thought to herself.“I have to go. Keep this mirror safe for me, okay Chaton?” Ladybug tossed the mirror to him, and rapidly disappeared into the nearby alleys. Marinette let her transformation run out. “Here Tikki!” she said, handing her a macaroon. Tikki munched down on the treat. Marinette took a deep breath and walked over to face Z Catcher.

Once spotted, she demanded “MARINETTE!! GIVE ME YOUR SLEEP!” Marinette was afraid, no doubt, but she began reasoning with the akuma, trying to get them to sleep.

The plan was working until Marinette heard something. She turned around to see Cat Noir charging after her with the mirror in tow. Marinette glanced at him, and her beautiful blue eyes widened in alarm. Cat tried to slow down as he realized the akuma wasn’t attacking Marinette, but was unable to stop. He collided into his princess with a quiet “Oomph!”

Cat Noir easily dropped the mirror to cradle Marinette’s head in his arms as they fell, protectively rolling around her and hearing the mirror break behind them. Marinette grumbled wordlessly as she squirmed in his overly tight embrace. What is this? Is this another dream? No. It can’t be. I’m not Ladybug. But still… This is weird. And also...pleasing? NO! NOT NOW! I need to get out! Despite her silent admonishment to let go, Cat held tighter to her.

“What are you doing here?” Cat Noir hissed as he leaned his head back to glare at her. “You should be safely away from here! What were you thinking?” Marinette blinked at him before frowning with narrowed, accusing eyes. Despite his righteous anger, Cat could feel his ears flatten in guilt for upsetting her.

“I need to be here!” Marinette whispered. “Ladybug got me. The akuma is just sleep deprived. If we can get them to relax, it should distract the akuma long enough for you to break the keychain. And I can take care of myself!” Marinette quietly asserted. Cat wavered between admiration and concern.

“I know you can take care of yourself, Purrincess, but you shouldn’t have to. That’s my job! I’m here to protect you!” Cat’s hands gripped Marinette’s shoulders tightly, and Marinette resisted the urge to completely melt in his arms.

Not now! she reminded herself. The akuma growled and they both looked over their shoulders. “That isn’t good.” Marinette mumbled. The akuma was beginning to glow. As they watched, the akuma hit a random civilian who immediately straightened up in a frenzy. As the civilian raced away to cause chaos, Cat Noir and Marinette winced at the akuma’s peaceful expression.

“It’s stealing everyone’s sleep, making them sleep-deprived and crazy.” Cat explained. “I can’t let you get hit, Purrincess, you’re too important to me.” Marinette squeaked as Cat scooped her into his arms. As he braced himself to run away and ignore Marinette’s attempts to make him let go, they heard a crunch, followed by a whimper.

The akuma had stepped on the glass from the mirror and was now sitting on the ground, sobbing about their foot hurting. Despite the butterfly mask over their eyes, they continued to cry and clutch their foot. Marinette and Cat stared for a moment before Marinette struggled free of Cat Noir’s hold and poked him, silently gesturing for him to take over. Well, that’s one way to do it, I guess...

Once Cat nodded, Marinette immediately ran ‘to get Ladybug’. “Stupid cat. He’s lucky that this all worked out. But he seems to be off of his game at the moment. I should ask him about that when we have time.”

Once she was hidden, she called “Tikki! Spots on!” and transformed back into Ladybug. She returned to see Cat Noir did what he was supposed to for once in this mission. Well, twice, actually she thought. He did save me initially. Ladybug’s yo-yo spun around and snagged the butterfly. With the miraculous cure performed, Cat bumped Ladybug’s fist with a relieved sigh.

“Cat, I don’t know what’s up with you, but you need to get your head out of the clouds during akuma attacks, kitty. We’re gonna end up in a real bind eventually.” Ladybug chastised him. Cat grimaced at her.

“Sorry, Milady. I’ll do my best. I’ve just had some issues lately with showing my friend how compatible we are.” Ladybug gaped at him until the beep of his miraculous distracted them both. “Oops! I need to find Marinette! Catch you later, Milady!”

“WAIT!” Ladybug shouted. It was too late. Cat Noir raced off to find Marinette. “She’s safe…” She knew her words couldn’t reach him at this point. He was long gone. Ladybug could have followed him, but since he was running out of charge, she’d run the risk of figuring out who  he was.

She turned to Rose and asked her if she was alright. Rose nodded and explained what happened. Ladybug smiled and said “Why don’t you try messaging her? It might help.”

Rose smiled. “Thanks Ladybug. I’ll see if that works.” She headed back to school, texting Juleka. To her delight, she got a reply.

Ladybug decided to follow suit. On her way back, she pondered about what Cat Noir said. “His friend? Compatible? Does he mean that person he mentioned earlier? Does that mean it’s working?” Ladybug smiled. “Maybe he’ll start flirting with me a little less.” Ladybug sounded cheerful, but in her heart, she knew she would miss it. She only would admit to missing it a little, but thanks to recent events, she knew she was going to miss it more.

She decided to go to the library to work on some homework to try and put all of that stuff out of her head. In the end though, she kept thinking about Cat Noir. His mistakes today. Him “rescuing” her. His compatible friend. It was a lot to take in.

Soon enough, she passed out. With all this thought about Cat Noir, she thought she’d get a good dream right away. Nope. Instead, Ladybug and Hawk Moth were facing off, as Paris was in embers. Instead of getting all wordy, Hawk Moth just said “You can’t save them all.”

“What?” Ladybug said. Hawk Moth kept repeating those words. They hurt more than anything Hawk Moth could say to her regularly. “Please...Stop…” The world then became pleasant. Ladybug was surrounded by fire and Hawk Moth. Instead,she was at the park by her house. She sat down on a bench to relax.

“Hey” Cat Noir said. Ladybug turned around shocked to see her partner sitting on the bench with her.

“Cat Noir…” she said.

“You know it,” he said with his familiar attitude.

Ladybug smiled. “I’m glad you’re here… Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, bugaboo!” he said gleefully.

Ladybug blushed. “Well, you know how I told you I liked this other boy?” Cat Noir nodded. “Well, lately it seems I might be falling for you as well. But you told me you kind of liked this other girl. And that’s great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just I don't know how to feel. I can’t decide between you two…”

Cat Noir smiled. “You don’t have to Marinette,” he said. Ladybug looked up. How did he know her secret? “Plagg! Claws in!”

Marinette was even more surprised. “ADRIEN?!”

“Hey Marinette,” Adrien said. “Now you don’t have to decide.” Ladybug stammered in confusion. Adrien grabbed her. “It’s OK. We can be together now.” Ladybug didn’t know what to make of the situation. She eventually gave up trying to figure it out and let herself enjoy this blissful moment.

However, like all these dreams, they had to come to an end. She opened her eyes, not expecting Adrien to still be there. When he was, she let out “A…drien?” What is going on? She thought.

“Good morning, princess?” Adrien quietly cooed. Marinette blinked at him with a sweet smile before her eyes slowly cleared of their sleepiness. As her eyes widened in alarm, Adrien dropped his hand to his side and smiled innocently at her.

“What’s happen-ning?” Marinette stuttered, completely flummoxed. Adrien winced a little at the beginning of her stutter. Adrien reassuringly smiled down at her and firmly placed his twitching hands under his legs.

“Nothing, Marinette. I just found you sleeping, and decided we should have a talk. Do you have time?” Adrien asked gently. He spoke in the softest, most soothing voice he could manage. Despite his attempts, Marinette shot up with alarm.

“What did I do? Did I do something? Go odd, I did!” Marinette squeaked. This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad...

“You haven’t done anything bad. I just thought we should talk if you don’t mind. Do you?” Adrien asked again. With Adrien quietly smiling and waiting for Marinette to get control of herself, it wasn’t long before Marinette calmed down.

“Sorry, Dadrien! A! Adrien! Sorry. What did you want to talk about?” Marinette smiled back at Adrien and she relaxed a little bit.

Adrien glanced around a little bit and then asked “You know how you’ve started napping lately?” Marinette blinked and nodded, her smile fading a bit in confusion. “Do you remember anything about them? Maybe something in particular?” Adrien fished for information. Marinette frowned at him, obviously confused.

Marinette was confused, but was glad Adrien was asking about her in some capacity. She decided to give him an answer. “Well, I always seem to feel particularly safe and protected when I sleep at school and at home.” Marinette admitted. “I tried napping in the park a couple of times, but woke up very quickly, and didn’t feel rested at all.” Marinette glanced at his rising shoulders and alarmed expression with confusion. “Why?”

“Well,” Adrien hedged. “When you sleep, you see,” Adrien trailed off. However, Marinette heard what Adrien tried saying to himself. “How do I say that you keep rolling right into my arms and cuddling into me so sweetly that I can’t keep my hands to myself? Sleeping with you has been amazing.” Adrien frowned thoughtfully and sighed. He was like that for a bit, but then he began blinking at Marinette, who had froze. He noted her frozen expression and tilted his head.

Did I hear that right?

“What?” He asked her. Marinette opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Adrien frowned.

He’s been cuddling me?

“Marinette?” He questioned. Marinette licked her lips, and Adrien found his eyes following the movement with intense concentration.

Wait, but that means...“I’ve been,” Marinette’s soft voice faltered briefly. “S-Sleeping with you?” Adrien’s eyes widened.

OMAKE:

One night, Plagg managed to de-transform. “The only thing I don’t like about this hurricane of poor decision making is the fact that I lose sleep out of it.” He looked around and found Tikki. “Well, let’s see what he finds so interesting about this.” He flew over and cuddled next to her.

Before he could fall asleep, Tikki woke up. Well, sort of. “Plagg…” she said in a half tired state. “What are you doing here?”

Plagg was puzzled. He wasn’t exactly sure how to answer this. He opted to say “Would you believe me if I said it was to see you, my dear?”

Tikki was too tired to pretend to play along. “What are you doing?”

Plagg seemed worried. “I’M not doing anything.”

Tikki looked on, disinterested in his protests. She was still too tired to do much about it. “Well, whatever it is, please don’t disturbed my chosen, will you?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Plagg said. The look on her face before she fell back to sleep told him that was the first thing she believed from him. Plagg snuggled next to her and assessed the situation further. He whispered “One of these days, he needs to tell her. If it just so happens that I do something to push that along, then so be it.” He smiled. “Although, I will admit, Adrien is totally right about this cuddling thing.” He snuggled next to Tikki and fell asleep gently.

[crazyrandomfucker]

Marichat May Day 22: Kiss

Summary:

As spring comes and the cat lazes around a certain bakers' daughter, magic and romance will spur when less expected.

--------------------

After some months of continuous autum and winter-themed akuma attacks, Chat Noir can happily say that he's very glad that spring would be comingin a motnh and a half, specially since Hawk Moth has been laying low for quite some time. Since Ladybug and Lordbug become quite more active as spring comes, they decided to handle the patrols by themselves to get rid of the extra energy that they end up with. Because of that, the cats now have some more free time and spend it visiting different people across Paris, visiting people in the hospitals and simply lazying around prepared to take any akuma that appears, but without doing the patrols. While Kitty prefers to laze around Arc de Triomphe where she can secretly spy Marin designing outdoors, Chat Noir prefers to laze around the bakery, usually getting in Marinette's alcony to talk with her and help her with anything he can do.

After several days of being visited by Chat noir, Marinette started to prepare by herself little snacks they could eat while they talk. At the same time, Chat Noir began to consider to bring some gifts from time to time as a thanks for the company. Knowing that Marinette liked to tend on her flower pots, Chat went out of his way and bought her a pot and the seedlings of pink and white dahlias for Marinette to grow, thinking that maybe they culd see them blooming in summer together. When both of them put into practice their ideas, they thanked the other's appreciation and attention happily. Chat Noir was delighted with Marinette's snacks and Marinette couldn't wait to see what fllowers would bloom from the pot that Chat had bought for her.

Slowly but surely, Chat's visits became longer and longer as the feelings of the teens deepened and deepened, to the point that Chat Noir and MArinette knew completely that hey loved the other with their whole heart, but given that none of them wanted to ruin their friendship in fear of a rejection after confessing, they did nothing and simply suffered in silence as they grew fonder for eachother.It didn't help that apparently Kitty Noire and Marin had become a couple nor that they were lowkey pressuring their respective twin to get some courage and confess. Both Marinette and Chat were at a loss of words whenever they actually tried confessing and they became very flustered about it, so they tried to avoid awkward situations.

However, when spring actually started, something changed inside of them. their longing for each other began to get less and less bearable as their approaches for the other grew more and more daring, even if ti was at baby steps. Finally, one day finally happened. Marinette was tending her flowers as usual, with two cups of tea and some cookies for her to enjoy with Chat Noir. This time thought, Chat Noir failed to do his usual perfect landing in Marinette's handrail as he slipped on said handrail and fall on top of Marinette, both falling to the floor and getting wet with the remaining water from Marinette's watering can. When they opened their eyes, their faces were just some milimeters apart from the other's.

Chat Noir audiably gulped as Marinette bit her lip, both trying to resist their urge to step up and kiss the other senseless. Blushing and nervous, Chat Noir tried to get up and check if he had somehow hurt Marinette, but as he was moving his feet to stand up, he slipped again and fall on Marinette again. This time thought, there was no separation between their faces. they were innocently and accidentally kissing and, even if they enjoyed it, they wer both too nervous to realize that the other liked it and got quickly seprated. Both blushing and in a sort of mixed state between euphoria and embarrassement, they sat down without looking directly at the other, thinking on what could they sy about what just happened. But as htey tried to say something to the other at the same time, both of them began to sneeze, Chat Noir sneezing incontrollably. Worried about the other, they got inside and dried themselves with towels.

After drying himself, Chat Noir kept sneezing without any signs of stopping and Marinette realized that he had tangled on his hair a pigeon feather. She giggled as she removed the feather, remembering about his feathery allergy and his usual combats again Mr. Pigeon. Marinette's sweet voice giggling was enough to melt Chat Noir, tearing apart his rationality and making him forget completely that he was going to apollogize for falling twice on Marinette and accidentally kissing her in the process. At the same time, his star-strucked expression made Marinette tenderly smile as she fondly got lost on his facial features, also forgetting about whatever she was going to say.

After that day, Chat Noir was careful when landing and no longer tried to land on the handrail, instead, he opted for landing right next to Marinette. Even if his usal visits didn't stopped, He and MArinette felt like they were moths apart from one another instead of days. They longed for the other whenever they weren't near; and when they were, they felt nervous and shy around eachother. Thus, they kept spiraling and spiraling around eachother, making their poor kwamis and respective twins go absolutely crazy with all their nonsense and fear of rejection.

As sprig went on, They kept growing closer and closer physically, but emotionally they were lost in a maze of love, fear, puns and teasing. It was quite normal to see Chat Noir relaxing on Mari's lap while she was petting him, making him purr happily and melt into a puddle of goo. It was also usual to see them with no space in between, playing videogames together or simply relaxing in Marinette's balcony while drinking some tea and snacking. In just a blink, their spring days passed by as their feelings grew to the infinite and beyond, cuddling, petting, having sleepovers, purring, playing games and simply being around eachother, making harder and harder to either spend time together or spend it without the other.

However, just as spring faded and summer took over, Chat's gift bloomed splendorus and beautiful in frnt of the eyes of the teens, who were casually drinking a refreshing cold juice to beat the unbearable warmth of summer when the flowers decided to bloom in their full apogee, leaving Marinette and Chat Noir marveled by the beauty. With just a single look, Marinette recognized perfectly the flowers as dahlias and hugged Chat Noir happily, who blushed as he internally celebrated his good choice in flowers.

"Do you know what this flowers means?" asks Marinette suddenly with her phone on her hand.

"Of course, I asked the florist about their meaning in flower language" says Chat proudly. "White dahlias represent purity and innocence, just like you Princess. Meanwhile, pink dahlias represent kindnes and grace, and who is more graceful and kind than you? I can't think of anyone besides Ladybug perhaps, but I think you're tied".

"Is that so?" says Marinette smiling happily with a faint blush dusting her cheeks. "I'm happy for the flowers Chat thank you a lot".

"I'm glad you liked them. It seems that my eye and the expert opinion of the florsit hit the bullseye this time" says Chat Noir smirking proudly.

"Pffft, for sure Chat Noir. Still, thank you for thinking about such flowers when you thought of me, I loved all the compliments" says Marinette confidently as she gathers some courage, stands on her toes and gives Chat a kiss on the lips. "I specially loved the second meaning of the pink dahlias".

Ah- I- Uh- Second meaning?" says Chat dumbfounded as Marinette giggles and heads inside to tell her parents about the flowers.

Chat Noir opens the interactive screen of his baton and searches over the internet what is the meaning of pink dahlias. Minutes later, he finds out that, even if they doo represet kindness and grace, pink dahlias are commonly recommended as the perfect flower to gift for your loved ones that's used to say that the reciever of the flower is someone irreplaceable in the heart of the one giving the flowers. Chat Noir blushes as he begins to overthink about what Marinette thought of that, worrying all over nothing as he forgets the fact that she wilingly kissed him after discovering the meaning of pink dahlias. Luckily, Plagg manages to somehow bring up that memory into Adrien's brain and he suddenly stops fretting all over the place. Seconds later, he darts inside the building to go for Marinette. However, Marin finds him first and pushes him into his room, closing the door behind him.

"So, did you finally realized?" asks Marin standing in front of the door, blocking it.

"I- Uh- Wat?" asks Chat Noir confused.

"Marinette feelings. Did you FINALLY realized what your sister and I have been trying to tell you for three months almost?" asks Marin, emphazising the finally a lot.

"Yes, I did. Thank you for worrying and for bearing with my stupid ass" says Chat a bit nervous, desperate to find Marinette and answe to the chaste kiss she gave him minutes ago. "Can I o to talk with Marinette now? Pretty please?"

"I should make you wait three months to see what it felt for us the spectators of your so dorky romance, but it's fine, I'll let you pass" says Marin stepping aside. "But you may want to avoid kissing her right away, your sister and mine are talking right now in the living room. In front of my parents. In front of your soon to be in-laws".

"Gee, thanks for the pressure Marin, I definitely need more of it!" says Chat Noir sarcastically.

"Consider it revenge for making us wait" says Marin with a wink.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm stupid. I know" says Chat crossing the door. "I'll buy you chili pepper pots as an apollogy. Wish me luck for now thought".

Chat Noir went downstairs and found Marinette tlking with Kitty Noire in the living room just as Marin had told him. After mentally thanking Marin for easing his search, Chat Noir stepped in, greeted Tom and Sabine and look into Marinette eyes. She looked at him and a shadow of blush appeared on her cheeks while a big grin appeared in her lips. Kitty instantly knew who was behind her and turned to her brother with a big full smirk on her lips and a knowing look on her eyes. Chat Noir politely asked Marinette to talk for a bit in private an Marinette slowly stood up and went with him, not being in any hurry and killing Chat's patience in the process. Once they are inside Marinette's bedroom, Chat Noir puts his hand on the wall, trapping Marinette between the wal and his body like he had seen countless times in anime.

"Marinette. I love you" says Chat Noir. Simple but precise, even if the ball of nerves on his stomach wanted to make him cry and shout nonsense.

"Finally. I was waiting for those words" says Marinette as she puts her hands around Chat's neck ad gets closer to him.

"This time thought, Chat Noir doesn't let's her take the initiative and pushes himself forward, kissing Marinette clumsily and slowly, making him feel more embarrassed and awkward than anything.

"That was cute Chat, but maybe you shouldn't rush it so much" says Marinette booping his nose.

"Sorry, it's my first time kissing someone conciously and voluntarily" says Chat rubbing the back of his head. "Would you- Would you like to help me practice?"

"Yes" says Marinette as she stands on her toes and kisses him.

Chat Noir lowers his back to meetwith Marinette in a more comfortable possition for her, holding her back with his arm as they slightly bend over it as they kissed. This time, while the kiss was still a bit clumsy because Chat was trying to adjust himself to it, it felt more sweet and loveable than embarrassing or awkward. They pulled apart to get some ir, but as soon as they had recovered their breath, they kissed again, now kissin eachother with more confidence and no fear, adjsting perfectly to the other as if they had been kissing their whole life. This time, all thoughts of embarrassement were instantly rplaced y passion, longing an nothing more than raw and pure love.

After kisssing a lot for quite some time, Marinette and Chat Noir felt ecstasic and over the moon, sitting next to eachother on Marinette's lounge chair. They looked at eachother as if nothing else existed in the world, forgetting about everything else other than themselves. Because of that, they didn't notice how they spent an entire hour simply looking into eachother. But since there were no interruptions, the silence naturally broke when Marinette decided to talk.

"I'm happy that you gave me those flowers Chat, but I'm more happy that I gathered up courage and kissed you" says Marinette as they held hands.

"Me too" agrees Chat noir. "I would never had the galls to step up and confess if you hadn't kissed me first".

"I wouldn't have if you didn't bought me those dahlias" says Marinette. "It was the second message that gave me thelittle push to kiss you".

"I've never been happier of not knowing something" says Chat Noir.

"I think that the florist did know about it and gave them to you to help you a bit" says Marinette giggling.

"Well, it seems that I'll have to visit that florist and give him a big tip next time I buy you something" says Chat Noir. "Do you think that buyig him a car would be too much?" says jokingly.

"Oh no, of course not, you shuld add a house in there" says Marinette sassily as she smiles happily.

"True, nothing is enough to thanks him for helping me to confess my undying love for you" says Chat, now being fully dramatic as he sports his usual smirk on his face.

"Maybe I should bake him a cake too" proposes Marinette having fun.

"Sure! Maybe I could convince Ladybug, Lordbug and my sister to go to his shop and promote it all across Paris" says Chat Noir.

"Definitely! They will accept instantly!" says Marinette now giggling.

They continued proposing wild and crazy ideas on how to thanks the misterious match-maker florist, having fun ad laughing as they enjoyed some time together, this time without any feelings hidden or faceades between them. Not much later, they were called for dinner and they announced their relationship to the family, with less surprised people that they expected...

[cryokinesisandlight]

Maybe if I skip Dinner (14)

previous  ╎  next

pairings: xiuchen and baekyeol. xiumin and baekhyun centric, though.

genre: angst

rating: nc-17

warnings: eating disorders (bulimia and anorexia), self-harm, self-hatred, maybe more to come.

please take care of yourself if you choose to read.

Baekhyun doesn't know how long it's been. He's not even sure of whose chest he's buried in but now that he's beginning to finally get a little more conscious, he's also painfully aware of the fact that he's actually with someone. That someone saw, that someone heard. That he can never vomit again, that he probably can't ever shower with the door unlocked or maybe even closed. He'll be watched like a hawk and he can't stand the feeling. 

That's gross. He doesn't want to be looked at with pity and he doesn't need surveillance. He's an adult, a grown up. He can deal with all this himself. It's all his fault to begin with so the rest of them shouldn't be a part of this. 

Baekhyun pulls away from the chest he's been crying into and stares at Chanyeol's messy dark hair, his eyes that do nothing to hide the worry and his tear-stained shirt. 

Chanyeol doesn't say anything but Baekhyun isn't going to be the one who starts their conversation. In fact, Baekhyun doesn't think they have anything to talk about if he has to be completely honest.

A weird sort of anger finds it way through Baekhyun's body and settles in his mind. It's not really logical at all, but he can't help it. It's all Chanyeol's fault. Chanyeol who told the doctor the lies about his body, Chanyeol who told everybody else, Chanyeol who in the first place even suggested he'd take him to the hospital for his esophagitis. 

It may be Baekhyun's mess, but it's no doubt Chanyeol's fault that he's been crying right now. Baekhyun could have fixed it. When he'd gotten pretty, when he'd gotten beautiful and skinny and perfect he would have fixed this mess. He doesn't need Chanyeol or Joonmyun or anyone else in EXO to worry about him. 

So he sends Chanyeol the deadliest glare he can think of and pushes away from him. Chanyeol is much stronger though and doesn't let go of Baekhyun. It only has the smaller man even angrier.

"Let me go!” he snarls and Chanyeol shakes his head. Baekhyun continues trying to get away and when he gives up on the physical fight, he sends Chanyeol another glare. “I hate you, let me go,” he says instead in a calm voice and the hurt that flashes through Chanyeol's eyes and the way that his grip loosens a little is enough for Baekhyun to pull away and get up on shaky legs. 

Baekhyun means every word he's said. He hates Chanyeol with everything he has right now. He hates Chanyeol for creating more troubles than solutions, he hates Chanyeol for worrying, he hates Chanyeol for being oh-so-perfect. 

Baekhyun leaves the bathroom without another word and without sparing the taller male on the floor a second glance.

When he meets eyes with Jongdae, he sends the other such a murderous glare that he could rival Kyungsoo's. Locked inside his bedroom once again, he drags his fingers over the red lines on his thigh, presses fingers into the new cuts only to make it hurt a little more, only to get a little better. 

Because although Chanyeol holds the fault for making all of his mental mess visible, Baekhyun can't help himself when he comes back to hate himself over and over again. It is his own mental mess after all.

☆★☆

One deep breath is all it takes before Minseok steps onto the scale. The numbers count his worth while the mirror in front of him reflects lies and when the scale stop at 52.0 kg exactly Minseok stares in disgust. Not good enough. Embarrassment of his weight crawls along his skin and voices in his mind directs his attention back to the 52 that he shouldn't weigh. 

He's not good enough to be here, that much is obvious. He must have slacked earlier, he must have done something wrong. He wasn't good enough at playing the game.

Minseok feels the tears that roll down his cheeks when he steps off the scale and determinedly wipes them away with a finger. He can do better, he will do better. He had been so good, counting calories, dancing, singing. Losing weight. But he needs more, 52 will never be enough. 

Minseok bets Baekhyun weighs 45 by now. Just like how Sehun is probably only 42. Sehun is so skinny, maybe he's below 40. The feeling of his heart crumbling overwhelms him for a moment when he puts the scale away and gets dressed again. The long-sleeved shirt and the warm sweater over. 

The tea on his nightstand is getting colder but Minseok doesn't feel like drinking it. He knows he should, he still hasn't gotten anything in his stomach today but it's only 5 pm and he'll eat dinner with the others (or at least let them see him in the kitchen) around 6 pm and then he'll stop eating after 7 pm because he can't eat after 7 pm, it's against the rules.

To be honest, Minseok would have wished they had a schedule now but after Baekhyun had gotten his esophagitis a few days earlier the company had decided that maybe it was on time to give them just a little time off – a little time off that Minseok doesn't appreciate. 

On schedule it's easy to avoid eating, it's easy to pretend to sneak a few bites and then leave again, it's easy to forget the lunch box or to schedule things around meal times. It's easy to put up the facade of Xiumin. 

Time off only means time for self-hatred and self-loathing and Minseok could be without.

It's not to say that he doesn't hate himself on schedules, of course, he does. He hates watching the others and knowing how much he lacks before he can get even close to their level of professionalism, but it's easier to ignore on stage or behind a camera. 

He reaches towards his cigarettes hidden in the jacket that is slung over the chair and when he finds the packet he realizes with annoyance that it's empty. Minseok sighs as he gets up and crumbles the empty cigarette pack back into his pocket as he slings his jacket over his shoulders. He'll buy a new pack then. Maybe it's the best way to spend the hour until dinner.

Minseok doesn't get very far before he's stopped by a sight that has him slightly confused. Chanyeol is hunched over in the couch, face hidden in his hands as his elbows rest on his knees. Minseok blinks twice until he realizes the taller man is crying. 

Then he realizes the hand patting Chanyeol's shoulder. His first thought is that it is Baekhyun but then he recognizes Kyungsoo on his other side. Minseok silently slinks behind the door and peeks out at the sight in the living room.

"He'll be alright,” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol says something Minseok can't make out. Then he remembers his conversation with Joonmyun about Baekhyun and Chanyeol mumbles the other is making the rest of them worried. 

Minseok hadn't thought much about Baekhyun and now the pang of guilt for not caring about his band member hits him hard. It's not that Minseok doesn't want to worry about Baekhyun, he's just not worthy of worrying. He's not worthy of being here in the first place and knowing all of them. 

Chanyeol says something again that Minseok can't fully make out but the severity of the situation in front of him makes it pretty clear that Baekhyun has the younger man extremely worried. So Minseok mentally promises himself that he'll never worry his band members. He'll never get as bad as Baekhyun. 

Because he just needs to be skinny, then everything will be good, everything will be perfect.

☆★☆

Baekhyun sits in front of the company dietician two days later. She smiles at him before she turns to her computer and notes down a few things. Baekhyun ignores her. He doesn't belong in her office. 

As much as he earlier longed for a stricter diet, this is not the reason he's here and Baekhyun knows this. He's here because his band members worry about him as if there is something to really worry about – and maybe there is, but it's not his diet. 

Baekhyun eats a lot when he fights the refrigerator but no one is supposed to know because it will gross them out. When she finishes on her computer she turns her attention back to him and Baekhyun leans back in the chair he's sitting in.

"Your band members are worried about your diet,” she says and Baekhyun scoffs in his head. ”They say they saw you self-induce vomiting.” She looks at her notes to see if she got it right and Baekhyun sends her a sad smile.

"I didn't. I was nauseous, I had esophagitis and I had to vomit. I don't know what made them think it was self-induced.” The lie is so smooth, so easy to tell that it almost surprises him as well. 

At the same time, Baekhyun is dead set on this, he's not ill, he never was and he doesn't need them to worry. He's still a little angry at Chanyeol for telling the doctor instead of just going with the esophagitis but he can't really change the past. 

He can do damage control, though, that's the reason he agreed to meet with the dietician in the first place.

"Few members said they saw or heard you vomiting Baekhyun. Are you sure your diet is going all fine? I don't recall putting you on a diet and your file doesn't say so either.” Her words have him pausing for a second. Few members? Few members mean more than one and if it's not only Chanyeol, then who? 

Then he remembers Kyungsoo finding him on the morning he was diagnosed with esophagitis and he guesses the nausea-excuse actually does work this time. Kyungsoo didn't see him force his food up.

"It's all fine, I promise. I guess I've just been a little stressed out from the comeback and that's why I lost a little weight.” She raises an eyebrow at this.

"8 kg.” Baekhyun wants to wince. 8 or 16, what difference does it make when he's still not perfect, still not good enough. He doesn't say this to her because that would immediately alarm her that something is wrong. Baekhyun doesn't want that. He shrugs instead.

"Okay, I lost a lot of weight, but I'm doing fine. I was stressed during comeback, I'll be better now that we have a little time off.” He doesn't mention anything about weight gain but he can see it in her eyes. 

She wants him to gain weight. It's terrifying. The thought of actually eating without vomiting it up again, the thought of actually gaining body fat and looking even worse than he does now. But if he wants to keep her off of his feet, he'll have to agree to it. 

She doesn't say anything as she focuses on her computer, types in a few thing and the printer comes to life two long minutes later.

"Here,” she says as she hands him the paper from the printer. Baekhyun turns it around and looks at a diet plan and shivers a little. He doesn't really like diet plans, never really did, they're such trouble but he knows that Chanyeol will keep his eyes on him and he probably can't hide the diet plan. 

Chanyeol or Joonmyun would call the dietician again if he doesn't bring it back home with him. He smiles when he gets eye contact with the dietician.

"That's all then?” She nods and Baekhyun is out the door as soon as possible. He needs to find a way around the diet plan and the members. He can't stay like this, that's for sure. He needs to get the members off of his back. And maybe the stress-excuse is the right one. That will explain his breakdown a few days ago as well. 

Baekhyun is in an oddly good mood when he leaves the SM building that afternoon.

☆★☆

Minseok hates himself when he wakes up the next morning and feels his intestines protest the lack of nutrients. And it's not just the usual low grumbling or the slight pain that is ever-present. It's not even hunger-pangs. No, it's something much much worse. He's bloated. 

And sure, technically speaking, being a little bloated isn't going to hurt him at all so he shouldn't be so worried about it, but bloating is worse than hunger-pangs and cramps. Bloating makes him feel utterly disgusting and the worst part about bloating is that he can't train it away. Nothing is going to make him feel better. 

He won't be able to really suck in his stomach because muscles can't fight the air in his intestines – and he'll feel fat constantly. He always does, he is fat all the time. But that's not really the point as Minseok tries to fight down the panic attack that is slightly rising in him.

With eyes closed, he starts counting. He counts calories he can eat today. 500 will fight off the bloating but anything above 500 is off-limits. He can't eat more than 500 calories. Hell, he shouldn't be eating 500 at all, not today. He'll go to the gym, train them off if he must. Get down to 250. He can do that. Eat 500, train away 250. That'll leave him with a total of 250 calories for today and he will have fought off his bloating for tomorrow. That has to be good enough. 

Tomorrow he'll eat 100 calories. He can fast as well, he'll get through the 500. His mind is working in cruel ways as it completes his diet for the next week, intricate lies woven into every calorie and fear of gaining weight slowly, but surely overtaking his mind as he goes through everything.

When he gets up and leaves his bedroom, it's to find a diet plan on the refrigerator. It's put up with tape and in the upper left corner is the name 'Byun Baekhyun, EXO'. 

Minseok stares at it for about 30 seconds before he actually understands what he's reading and the amount of calories each day makes him gasp out loud. Joonmyun lifts an eyebrow at him from the kitchen table where he's eating his breakfast.

"Good morning, hyung,” Joonmyun says from his seat and Minseok turns around on his heels and stares at the other, afraid he has been able to look through him. That Joonmyun now suddenly knows what's going on without being told. Quickly he lifts the corners of his lips and smiles to the other man.

"'Morning,” he says and opens the refrigerator. Nothing is safe to eat. It's all going to be way above the 50 calories for breakfast and Minseok can't afford that. So he closes it again and goes to the sink to grab a glass of water. ”Slept well?” he asks and tries to stir conversation away from himself. 

Just as he reaches into the cupboard for a glass he gets the horrifying idea of drinking coffee. Black coffee is 11 calories, it'll fool Joonmyun and he won't seem suspicious to the rest of them when they wake up. So he foregoes the glass and instead find a cup so he can pour himself a cup of coffee.

Joonmyun has gone back to eating his breakfast. Minseok's stomach growls as it is fed liquid. He stares into the black liquid in the cup and sees nothing but disgust. 

He knows today will be a bad day, every day is a bad day these days and it won't lessen his hatred at all. He's still not good enough, definitely not when he's bloated. But at least it's not him eating a frighteningly 2000 calories a day. 

It's not him because nobody knows just how wrong he is. They don't have to know.

[mredwinsmith]

Putting Palestine on the Map

Pilgrimage in the Middle East is normally associated with either Mecca or Jerusalem, so my yearly renewal of faith is a counterintuitive journey. My voyage starts in the Holy Land and ends in Amman, at the Middle East North Africa Club Championships. The annual MENA championships are only 3 years old, and they’re the only ultimate tournament in the entire region. I’ve made the trek to Jordan twice now since moving to Bethlehem, both times as a player and coach with the only frisbee team in the Occupied West Bank of Palestine.

My first time in Amman, for MENA 2016, I walked with the first ever Palestinian frisbee team to Hashemite Plaza. We drilled our decidedly avant-garde version of a vert stack and ripped skip passes off the sunken flagstones, the disc backlit against the dusk by the restored Roman Theater. I climbed up to street level to take a picture and there was a man selling cotton candy while the Palestinians played pick-up. The picture came out grainy and the detail isn’t significant, but I remember how the cotton candy was pink, the way the guy trudged forlorn hawking pink clouds in the twilight as the Palestinians played before a stadium that had been empty for over a thousand years.

Mohammad Roman kicks his leg out on the mark.

The whole scene was enthralling and bizarre, chucking the disc at a 2nd century Roman theater in the Levant, and I thought, “Goddamn, frisbee is a magnificent game.” We lost every game at that tournament, and I got detained by border security for 2 hours and threatened with a lifetime ban from Israel on the way back, but it was still an exhilarating weekend for our team. Most of the Palestinians had never played a full game of ultimate before, had never even thrown a disc outside of the municipal field in their hometown, so the opportunity to play in a tournament with 12 Middle Eastern teams and meet players from over 25 different countries was a paradigm-shattering introduction to global frisbee culture.

The Palestinian team was founded and is largely held together by Daniel Bannoura, a local teacher and entrepreneur who is in some way the original Palestinian ultimate frisbee player. Dan, an amiable scholar who speaks English so well you would think he was from the States, was born in Palestine and picked up ultimate while getting his bachelor’s degree in physics from the University of Florida and his master’s degree in Islamic studies at the University of Chicago. He has received help at some key junctures, particularly in the very beginning from an American player and coach named Ben Spears, but foreigners come and go in the West Bank and the team is by and large a manifestation of Dan’s vision. What Daniel lacks in coaching experience, he makes up for in straight-up perseverance, and his dedication to developing ultimate in Palestine has brought the team a long way since I first met him last September.

I remember that first practice well – it was a ragtag affair. Some people weren’t in good enough shape to run one warm-up lap around the field, most people couldn’t throw a flick, and they were learning force, open side and break side completely backwards. Nobody had ever heard of a stack, in any direction. Despite all that, they had a dedicated core of players showing up every week, playing pick-up and falling in love with ultimate. I had been hoping to find a competitive team to practice with, but the reality was that with the exception of two other expats who occasionally made the trek from Jerusalem, my one year of college club experience made me the most experienced frisbee player in the West Bank. The only tournament I had played in since my freshman year at the University of Delaware was MARS 2016 in Pittsburgh, which is really more of a drunken spikeball and saturnalia-themed camping trip than a serious ultimate tournament. (That is not a criticism of MARS, which I highly recommend to any ultimate player who isn’t a Mormon or a Muslim.)

Koofiya warms up at MENA.

I ended up stepping into a coaching role I was woefully underprepared for, and it has turned out to be the most rewarding and perplexing cross-cultural experience I’ve had in Palestine. Nearly every Sunday night for the past year, I’ve been at the municipal field in Beit Sahur, teaching kids how to make upline cuts and trying to hit coaching points in mangled Arabic between drills and during line changes. More often than not, it comes across as impassioned gibberish. The older guys just smile and nod, and the younger kids stop me and very politely say, “Zane, just speak English.” I don’t really know how to coach, but I play the game with passion and bring some fire to the field. I’ve occasionally felt like I overstepped my bounds as a foreigner, pushing the team in a direction it doesn’t want to go in. Just as often I’ve been completely infuriated by the local players, who want to win games but have a complete disdain for discipline and repetition.

During one point at MENA 2017 one of our players told me that the stack doesn’t work for our team, and I told him as the pull floated in that we wouldn’t know if the stack works, since we’ve never actually run it in a game. I’ve gotten frustrated with my own lack of coaching ability or with the team’s lackadaisical attitude to the point that I’ve told Dan that I don’t want to coach any more, on multiple occasions. When I take a breath and a step back, however, the frustration melts away, and I’m left with a sublime appreciation for being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time to help get the Palestinian team off the ground.

Yusif, Baha, and Iskandar pose for the camera.

My second trip to Amman, for MENA 2017, was less surreal but no less enjoyable. Saturday saw me basking on sun-warmed turf, savoring the post-second day ache in my legs and sipping a cold beer during the finals game. It was a perfect day for ultimate, about 70 and sunny with the softest whisper of a breeze, and I simultaneously admired and envied the two teams in the finals for their opportunity to revel in such a moment. The scene would have been familiar to any ultimate player, except the muezzin was wailing its old-world exaltation from the nearby mosque loudspeaker, the beer was Petra Beer (“taste of the rosy city,” the red cursive font of the logo and the syntax of the slogan clearly drawing heavy inspiration from Coors Light) and the two teams in the finals, Wasta and Dubs, were both from the United Arab Emirates. Dubai has a high concentration of both expatriates and wealth, so they tend to field the strongest teams in the region, but Jordan has the largest program, with a good mix of expats and local players. The Palestinian team, rechristened as Koofiya and bolstered by four Mormon free agents who were in town with a Brigham Young religious immersion program, netted its first victory in club competition, and I crossed back into Israel without issue. It was an excellent weekend.

Koofiya huddles.

About a week after this year’s MENA tournament, the Palestinian Flying Disc Association was accepted as the 76th national member association of WFDF. Hearing from Daniel that our scrappy little frisbee community in Palestine had achieved enough critical mass to be accepted as a WFDF member was a moment of pure elation. As a rookie scrounging for field time with Sideshow back in 2011, I could never have told you that a peculiar marriage of interests and a character-defining brand of iconoclastic skepticism would eventually lead me to the unlikeliest frontier of frisbee, helping to establish the sport in the most culturally, politically, and religiously contentious place in the world. I transferred out of Delaware after my freshman year, and the intervening five years took me on a circuitous journey away from high-level ultimate and towards the Middle East, driven primarily by a deep curiosity about the Arab world, a speculative empathy towards the unmentioned culture of a people labeled enemy, and an existential ambivalence about what it really means to be an American. Through a string of seemingly disparate events including a summer language study abroad in Beirut, a year-long stint living and working on a cruise ship and an unlikely friendship with a Catholic brother named Ralph, I stumbled into a unique opportunity to live and volunteer in the West Bank. I have experienced the rhythms of daily life under military occupation, albeit from the privileged perspective of one who gets to leave whenever the oppression becomes too oppressive.

My time in Bethlehem has in many ways proven to be a confounding rather than an elucidating experience, and I’ll return home more cynical than when I left, both about the prospects for an equitable solution to the political situation in Israel and Palestine and the collective nature of humanity in general. That being said, my unique opportunity to bear witness to the beginning of ultimate frisbee in Palestine has been a deeply satisfying manifestation of my initial desire to come to the Middle East and create human relationships, and playing ultimate with Arabs is the only pursuit I’ve found that strikes a balance between an essential need for personal joy and a responsibility to my conscience in a world that seems filled with hate. In the midst of what has turned out to be a quixotic pursuit of truth, it has been gratifying to watch ultimate flourish in Palestine and across the entire Middle East.

Koofiya 2017

The post Putting Palestine on the Map appeared first on Skyd Magazine.

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[thekingofwinterblog]

An Analysis of Dabi - Chapter 266-267

*Mayor Spoliers for MHA chapter 266 below”

Following the events of MHA chapter 267, there have been some debate wheter we should take Dabi on his words, in regards of how little he cared about Dabi and what Hawks did to him.

here ill give my thoughts on it, and break down how dabi acts through the chapter and why.

To begin with, in chapter 267 he attacks indiscriminatly with his fire when attacking Hawk, leading to a situation where he could easily have hit dabi if hawke didnt save him. however, as he himself admits, he fully expected Hawk to save Dabi. Which he does(the irony).

There are essentially two ways of looking at this. either Dabi’s words in the next chapter is reinforced here by the way he attacked and could easily have hit dabi, or he took a calculated risk, and banked on Hawks sacrificing more feathers to save Dabi. in the chapter itself there is nothing to prove this either way, but juding by what happened in the next chapter, im going to say he was banking on the second one.

Now, even with this, it shows that this isnt a traditional friendship, as he was most certainly putting Twice in danger with his actions, showing that he is ruthless when it gets down to it, but i really doubt he thought Twice was in real danger of being left behind, as he clearly understands hawks a lot.

Following up on this, he only attacks Hawks again once Twice jumps out of the way. and again it is possible to debate here, as Hawks is clearly distracted by Twice escape from him, and as such a brilliant time to attack.

Following this, it is dabi who encourages twice to go out and save the day for the league, and as he leaves Dabi gives Twice a highfive for encouragment.

Like all the moments ive discussed so far, there are two interpretations of this scene. Either Dabi is giving his buddy an uncharacteristic show of friendship and encouragement to twice as he’s going out to turn the tide, or he’s just prepping him up to use for his own ends.

following him realised that Hawks was fast enough to exit and attacking twice again from the entrance, Dabi tries one last ditch effort to save Dabi, attacking Hawks both through distracting Hawks and through killing him with fire. 

whatever his feelings, Dabi is clearly giving it his all.

following Twice’s death, Dabi explodes in Anger with a blast of fire so strong it blows up the upper windows in the room they were fighting in, that was on the other side of where the blast was directed. Also, he’s screaming in rage.

followin this little outburst, he begins to really lose it, and starts kicking the tar out of Hawks.

also, ive seen a few different translations of what he says here. in this scan he’s mocking Hawks by sarcasticly calling him out on how he just killed Twice(that entire topic is also delving into the central themes of this series which im not going to cover in this post), while in other translations he just screams “How Dare You Kill Twice!”, which one is correct i dont know, but neither really supports the idea that Twice dying didnt affect him.

Also note that throughout the first part of chapter 267, all of Dabi’s speech bubbles are jagged, rough and all around doing a very good job of showing that what just happened really affected him. he’s yelling, shouting being all around the opposite of the calm seemingly never gives a shit guy Dabi always tries to portray himself as. it is a huge departure from how he’s almost always been throughout most of this story.

following up on that, Hawks tries to call him out how he doesnt look like a guy who’s friend just died.

only for Dabi to immediatly mock/reject that idea by telling Hawks that His tear Glands are burnt up, so he isnt physically capable of crying.

Here Dabi begins to fall back to his defence mechanism. Detachment. he purposfully tries to mentally detacht himself from Twice in order to lessen the hurt. Dabi immediatly tries to fall back to how things were when he first met the league, back when he really didnt give a shit about him. Asserting that he didnt care about twice, twice was just part of his plan, the mission, a pawn to use and nothing more. He goes further along in that path as the chapter proceeds, and he begins to calm down, but at this moment, just after Twice died and Dabi failed to save him, that facade is just words.

This is not the face of a guy who just suffered a setback to his plans. this is the face of a guy, who really, really hurts, and has the source of his hurt firmly planted beneath his boots. 

Twice’s death really hurt Dabi, far more than the man who constantly tells everyone how he doesnt care about anything would ever be willing to addmit. so he tries to go back, back to how it was at the start. anything to stop the hurt.

Dabi tries to be sarcastic here. to make this all another one of his jokes about how he doesnt give a shit about anyone. but the reality is that it really isnt. Twice is dead, his budy just got stabbed through the head because Dabi made a bad tactical assessment.

his assesment that he’s pretty broken up over it is completely honest. He simply tries to say that its not because he actually liked Twice, or the leage for that matter. no, for him the only thing that matters is the mission.

And that might be true going foreward, that Twice’s death will lead him to double down on that mission to really distance himself from his criminal, broken found family.

but for right now, the only thing that matters to him is turning the guy beneath his feet into ashes.

As Hawks begins to speak and ask him who the hell he is, Dabi lets him, instead of just delivering the killing blow and be done with it. why he does so, isnt exactly clear. maybe he wants to jab the knife in by telling Hawks who he is(as if thats a secret at this point. just like tobi, there is only one real candidate at this point), maybe he’s curious what hawks last words will be. maybe he’s just not thinking straight.

However, once Hawks is done, It’s very clear that Dabi has calmed down. his speech bubbles back to normal, and he reinforces what his motives are while going back to the cooky arrogant kung-fu guy he always tries to portray himself as.

In other words, He makes a concious decision to reinforce his own self image of who he is. Stain’s true successor, a man who despises false heroes more than anyone else in the world.

this isnt exclusively a defence mechanism to try and distance himself from the league and Twice in order to not hurt, as its things he truely believes in, but its hard to not say that it’s the main motivator. a return to the simpler times when he was alone, and didnt need to be part of a group. after all, if youre alone, you can never be hurt when something happens to anyone else. kinda like what just happened when his friend just died in front of him.

Dabi desperatly tries to push away the pain of Twice dying, and unlike Toga who’s main motivation is always being honest, Dabi is the exact opposite. ever since joining he’s always been the main arguer against not caring about anyone in the league. howver, as shown back during the city arc, Dabi made the choice to stick by Shigaraki when the going got tough, not leaving behind his comrades when it seemed they were losing.

and finally, trying to reinforce that idea to himself, he prepares to kill hawks while delivering the biggest lie of the chapter. 

Wheter you believe that Dabi is being honest about never caring about anyone in the league, i think we can all agree that The last things he says to Hawks is such a bullshit lie.

this matters to him insanely much, and the only reason he would feel the need to lie about it to a dying man, is if he is trying to convince himself that no, he doesnt care. he doesnt care about anything that just happened.

But actions speaks louder than words, and as we’ve seen this entire chapter, Dabi fucking lost it when Twice died and he twisted the knife in before he landed the killing blow.

Dabi cared about Twice, and he took steps to avenge him by burning his killer to a roasted chicken.