#actually posted this on twitter first but it was 7am when i did and i forgot to post it here so uhm | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tirednotflirting · 3 years ago

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i could do without a tan on my left hand where my fourth finger meets my knuckle

hello again i was here approx ten min ago and now i am back. kinda. also jesus that title looks LONG wow

this is not new! this was posted to ao3 a touch under a month ago for my darling @clumsyclifford‘s birthday and i’m just a dummy and never posted it to tumblr. so here i am sdlkfjsdl

i got very VERY emo over my love for bella in the a/n on ao3 so you can read my love letter there hehe. bella, babes, i love you so crazy much and i feel so lucky to know you and to call you a friend. thank you for teaching me how to love the things i create and encourage me to really actually grow as a writer. it’s been a lot of fun and a great deal of the confidence i have in myself now is thanks to the early support i got from people like yourself. hope you have a happy wednesday filled with many cups of tea <3

here this is on ao3 if that’s more ur jam

Love is a mug of tea.

2020, Maryland

Alex loves his kitchen.

He loves the big island right in the center of it and the windows over the sink facing out toward the barn. He loves the random assortment of tea towels his mom gave him when he first moved out, and how they’ve traveled with him to each new home over the years. He loves the fridge with lots of space for pictures of friends and family that greet him each time he walks into the room.

The sun is just rising over the top of the barn. He’s been awake for a little over an hour now. Starting his days in the barn is something he’s grown to love, the early mornings for feeding and greeting his animal friends being the only way he can manage being up before the sun. Once he made it back to the house, he quickly showered before throwing his pajamas back on. There was nowhere else they needed to be today so he figured it appropriate.

He fills and sets his kettle to boil in the corner. The clock on the microwave tells Alex it’s 7AM and he hears the familiar click of the coffee machine starting up. (He had been particularly proud of himself when he figured out how to use that setting.) Alex grabs a couple mugs and drops a tea bag into the one he’s claimed for himself for the morning just as the kettle clicks off. He pours water into the mug and hops up onto the island to wait for the tea to steep.

Alex is scrolling down his Twitter feed a couple minutes later when he hears human footsteps followed by the tapping of the dogs’ nails against the tile. He locks his phone and sets it beside him just in time for Jack to step between Alex’s legs and wrap his arms around his waist. Alex laughs quietly as Jack drops his head to rest against his chest. “Good morning, my love,” Alex greets him in a scratchy voice and runs his fingers through Jack’s bedhead.

Jack hums at the feeling and leans his head back against Alex’s hand. “Hello,” he replies. He sighs and moves to stand straight before leaning in to press a quick kiss to Alex’s lips. Jack smiles lazily and turns to the counter where the coffee machine sits. “Sleep well?”

“Well enough. Was up later than I wanted to be on that call with Mark trying to figure out the plan for next week.”

“You two are always chatty,” Jack says with a smile in his voice while he stirs sugar and milk into his mug. “What time is our flight out tomorrow again?”

Alex slides off the counter to the floor and takes the spot beside Jack, taking the milk carton from him when it’s offered to add to his tea. “Not until the evening. We can probably sleep in a bit, if you want to.”

“I like the way you think,” Jack responds, accepting the milk again when Alex holds it in his direction. He wraps an arm around Alex’s middle to pull him back against chest and presses his lips to Alex’s temple before stepping away to the fridge. Alex feels something pull at the leg of his pajama pants and when he looks down, both of the dogs sit at his feet. He laughs and abandons his mug on the counter to head out of the kitchen towards the back door. Tiny paws click against the wood floor behind him. They race out the door when he finally gets it open.

When he returns to the kitchen, a gentle smile pulls at his lips and he leans against the doorframe for a moment to admire the view. Jack sits in his regular seat at the kitchen island. He’s put his glasses on sometime in the last minute or so since Alex left the room. One hand holds the handle of his coffee mug while the other holds open a novel his mom had sent home with him after he visited her earlier in the week. The sunrise shines through the window over the sink, painting the room in yellow-orange light. It’s a view Alex knows he’s never going to get tired of.

He loves mornings with Jack. When they’re spending their time like this, with their shared early morning routines or deciding who will do what chores around the house that day, it’s easy to imagine spending the rest of his life like this. He can see them, years from now, hosting holiday parties on the farm or arguing over why they should or shouldn’t watch National Treasure 2 for the twelfth time that month, and it takes everything in him not to race back upstairs to grab the ring box he’s got hiding in the back of his closet.

Alex loves his kitchen. Though, as he watches Jack smile down at his novel before pausing to sip from his mug, Alex realizes that the thought of sharing the space with the person he loves has made him love it infinitely more.

“Hey, Jack?”

Jack hums in acknowledgement without looking up from his book.

“Do you want to move in?”

Jack looks up to meet his gaze from across the counter. His brows raise in what is probably surprise and a tiny smile forms across his lips. “Sure.”

“Really?”

Jack folds the corner of the page he’s on before closing it shut. “What? Did you think I’d say no?”

Alex shakes his head with a laugh. “No, I just wasn’t really sure what else to say,” he explains. “I’m just, I don’t know, excited? This is gonna be fun.”

Alex shuffles around the counter into Jack’s open arms that settle around his waist. “It is,” Jack agrees. “Though, I will say, if I’m going to help around the farm more, we’re gonna have to give Milk a talk.”

Alex rolls his eyes and lifts his arms to rest on Jack’s shoulders. “I already told you, the goat is not flirting with you. He bites everyone’s ass.”

“Your goat is trying to steal me away from you.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Thank you.” Jack says, sincerely. A moment later, he cracks and laughs as he tugs Alex in closer. He presses another kiss against his lips. “You realize our mothers are going to start their wedding planning thing again once we tell them about this though, right?”

“Maybe I’ll join them for their brunches this time around,” Alex suggests and lets his forehead rest against Jack’s.

“Sure. Just make sure they’ve got next June blocked off since we’ll be on tour,” Jack replies jokingly before squeezing Alex’s waist to move him aside so he can stand to get more coffee. Alex steals his seat and watches him go through the motions of making his second mug. Without asking, Jack sets the kettle to boil again and pulls the box of Alex’s tea out of the cupboard. The sun has risen more and casts a golden glow on Jack through the window while he rinses his mug. Jack’s always looked his best in the morning, Alex thinks. He considers pulling his phone out to snap a picture, but then he remembers that this exact image isn’t going to be one that’s limited by whatever things might be keeping them stuck in their own homes on opposite sides of the country. That home isn’t going to be a plural for them anymore.

He thinks back to the ring box. Maybe it’s going to need a better hiding spot now.

Jack turns back to Alex, a puzzled look on his face, likely in response to Alex’s lack of a response to his question. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they know.”

“Good,” Jack says with a wink. He reaches across the counter for his book. “Gonna go finish this chapter on the porch. Care to join?”

Alex smiles. “Let me make my tea first, I’ll be out in a few.”

Jack nods. “Good plan. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Jack presses a kiss to his hair when he passes him, and Alex watches him head for the front door from his spot at the island. Even more sunshine greets Jack as he opens the door, the windchime out front twinkling a good morning.

It’s going to be a good day.

Love is hotel sheets and a cup of coffee.

2018, New York, New York

The first time Jack wakes up it’s because he feels a dip in the mattress behind him and a warm arm wrapping back around his middle.

Without opening his eyes, he smiles at the feeling of Alex’s lips pressing against the back of his neck. “Flight was canceled because of the storm,” Alex explains, his voice scratchy with sleep. They were meant to have an early flight off to the next city but it’s an off day anyway so the delay in travel shouldn’t really matter. “We’re booked for another one at like, ten tonight or something.”

He turns in Alex’s arms and lets his eyes flutter open. It’s still really early and the curtains are pulled shut, leaving the room dark like the middle of the night. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust before he can really make out any of his boy’s features. Alex settles onto his back and pulls Jack halfway onto his chest. Jack lifts a hand to hold Alex’s cheek, his thumb brushing along the darker circles below his eyes. They’re only a few days away from a break for a couple weeks, and the little sleep he knows Alex has been allowing himself is starting to show. Jack is looking forward to getting them both back to his place to just sleep for a day or five.

“Sounds like the weather in New York wants you to sleep for a few more hours with your handsome boyfriend, then.”

Jack feels Alex laugh from where his cheek rests against his chest. “The storm knows you're handsome?”

“Of course,” Jack sighs. “It’s a universally known fact.”

“Guess we have to keep sleeping.”

“We do, yes,” Jack agrees. He lifts himself up for a moment to press a kiss to Alex’s jaw, smiling at the feeling of his lashes brushing against Alex’s stubbly cheek. Jack cuddles back against his chest and lets his eyes fall shut as their legs tangle below the sheets. He’s asleep again a moment later.

The next time Jack wakes up, the room is still mostly dark but he’s alone.

A thin stream of light shining through a spot in the curtains and the smell of coffee somewhere in the room tells him that enough time has passed that it’s likely a normal morning hour now. It also tells him that Alex is awake somewhere. Jack sits up slowly in bed and looks around the room, expecting to find Alex sitting in the chair in the corner scrolling through Twitter on his phone or writing at the desk. He frowns when he finds the room empty of his boyfriend until then he hears a sneeze on the other side of the curtain. Laughing quietly to himself, Jack rubs the sleep from his eyes. He turns to get out of the bed and, after spotting the pot of coffee, pours himself a mug.

Growing up, Jack has always hated staying in hotels. The rooms were always too cold, the air conditioner too noisy, the pillows just a bit too fluffy. He often found himself jealous of kids who found hotel rooms to be like a magic place to be because he was always miserable until he could crawl back into his own bed back home.

It was better once they started traveling for band stuff. He started bringing his own pillow (the firmness and familiar scent both providing a sense of comfort). And if he ever forgot it on the bus, Alex's chest was a decent substitute. A bed would never feel cold with Alex the Human Furnace pressed against his back below the sheets. The sound of the air conditioning was easily drowned out when he had the gentle, steady puffs of Alex’s breath against his neck to count instead of sheep.

He crosses the room, pausing for a moment to grab a hoodie and his new book from his carry-on, and pulls away the curtain to step out onto the balcony. Alex turns up from his journal and smiles up at him. He’s still in pajama pants and a long sleeve he likely pulled from Jack’s bag. “Good morning, love.”

Jack leans down to press a kiss to the top of Alex’s head before moving to lean against the railing. “Is it still morning?”

“Well, no,” Alex laughs. “But we’re on tour, so it can be morning if we want it to be.”

Jack looks down onto the street, to all of the tiny people moving from place to place. Everyone in New York always moves quickly, Jack thinks. With purpose. He admires that. “Well, good morning to you too,” he replies. “Why are we out of bed if we don’t have to be in an airport for several more hours?”

“I wanted to watch the city,” Alex explains. He lifts his mug to take another sip before continuing. “We move so fast these days. I miss getting to explore.”

“Hard to explore from this balcony.”

“Rian found some restaurant a few blocks away he wants to do an early dinner at,” Alex says, with a wave of his hand. “We can explore then. We’re resting right now.”

“City does still look pretty from here,” Jack observes. Autumn looks nice on New York, he thinks. The winters are too cold and the summers are too hot. Mid-October, when it’s cool but not cold, when the trees are all a rainbow of oranges and reds, that’s his favorite time to be in the city. From where they sit right now, with the sun shining down to warm them and a cool breeze blowing around the steam rising from his mug, it’s easy to say this might be his favorite morning in the city to date.

“Exactly,” Alex smiles while he watches Jack look out over the railing at the buildings and sky.

“What are you working on?” Jack asks. He takes the seat beside Alex and props his feet up on the chair opposite him.

“Feels like lyrics but I might just be journaling,” Alex replies. “I can’t really tell.”

“What are you writing about?”

“You,” Alex responds without hesitation. A decade ago, if Jack had asked that question, Alex likely would have looked up at him with a blush painted across his cheeks and quickly shut the book closed before saying nothing, just songwriter stuff. They’ve come a long way since then.

“Gonna be our next big hit?” Jack jokes.

“Oh, absolutely,” Alex says with a wink. Alex reaches for Jack’s hand after he sets his mug back down and lifts it to press a kiss against his knuckles. He holds onto Jack’s fingers for a moment longer as he takes a deep breath, the early afternoon sun shining on his face, before he lets go to pick up his pen again.

Jack loves touring. He wants them to keep touring until they’re old and gray and even Zack struggles to run and jump across the stage. He loves traveling and finding new undiscovered corners of the world. He loves how it always feels fresh and new in every place they land. He loves not knowing exactly what’s going to come next.

He spent a long time wondering if he should want to settle down. To find a place to really build a more permanent life for himself at some point. But then he looks across the table at Alex and watches the way he bites at the end of his pen. He watches his eyes light up in joy before the pen falls back to the paper in his journal, the lyrics or story or notes about something scratching their way into the page. Alex reaches again for his mug and pauses his scribbling to take a sip. His eyes meet Jack's gaze and he smiles in his direction before returning to the task at hand.

Maybe settling down doesn’t have to be a place. It can be sharing a bed with the same person even if that bed is a new one each night. It can be a pair of dark brown eyes that for the last 20 years can always find his own, even in the most crowded rooms.

Hotel day or not, Jack knows he can’t spend the whole day throwing heart eyes across the table while Alex works. Over the years, Jack has noticed that Alex is always too nice to ask for alone time while he writes despite everyone knowing he likes it sometimes. He takes the last sip of his coffee and moves to stand.

“Gonna go bug Zack while he works out for awhile,” Jack says, pushing the sliding glass door open. “I’ll come find you in a few hours.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that,” Alex laughs, his eyes squinting up at Jack against the sunlight. “Have fun.”

Jack blows him a kiss before stepping back inside. He digs his slides out of his bag and grabs a key card before wandering out of the room and in the direction of the elevators.

On his trip down to the ground floor, he starts thinking about it again, what settling down would look like for him. He's starting to realize that the struggle there is that he can’t picture a settled future for himself because the only future he sees is about a them rather than a him. No matter where they go, Alex is and always has been home.

And maybe, Jack thinks, it’s as simple as that.

Love is a sweater and sky full of stars.

2012, Middle of Nowhere, Southwest USA

The first time Alex steals a hoodie from Jack is February during their sophomore year of high school. Jack’s parents were out of town visiting his sister so they ended up at his place after band practice. They nicked a couple of beers from the fridge in the garage and spent fifteen minutes debating if they had reorganized the remaining bottles in a way that made it less obvious there might be a couple missing.

It was another fifteen or so minutes of drinking and complaining about algebra exams before Alex shivered in the deck chair he had claimed. Alex never said a word, but Jack must have noticed the goosebumps on his bare arms and wordlessly got up to go inside. A couple minutes later, the confused look on Alex’s face was answered with a navy blue hoodie thrown in his face.

He laughed and thanked Jack before he pulled it over his head. It was soft and warm from being inside. When he pulled the hood up over his hair, he was met with the scent of lavender laundry detergent and the body spray Jack had taken a liking to that winter. Alex would never admit to how he started hating the smell of it a little less when Jack started wearing it.

Alex pulled the sleeves over his hands and shoved them into the hoodie pocket. When he looked back up across the metal patio table, a small smile pulled at Jack’s lips. Alex wasn’t given the time to ask what the look had been for before Jack launched into another story about something that had happened in his chemistry lab earlier that week.

(It’s not until they’re on tour the summer after they graduate that Alex really understands what the look was for. He doesn’t really get it until Jack is kissing him against the bunks, his hands sliding underneath a sweatshirt Alex had pulled from Jack’s suitcase. Though it’s impossible for the meaning to be more obvious when You look cute in my clothes is whispered between their lips. Alex only laughs in response and trips over his own feet dragging Jack towards the back lounge.)

Nearly ten years since that night at Jack’s parents’ place, Alex still finds himself thankful that Jack’s sweaters fit loosely on him and smell like the mixture of fragrances that make up his boy. It’s still the same laundry detergent his mom used in the early 2000s, but the cologne Jack wears now is much nicer than the stuff he used to douse himself in every morning before school. He’s pretty sure it’s the one that Rian bought Jack for Christmas last year. Alex will have to ask him in the morning.

The A/C kicks on above where he sits on the tour bus couch, and Alex pulls the sleeves of the sweatshirt he’d stolen out of Jack’s bunk over his hands. He’s having a tea, one of those calming, nighttime ones, in a desperate attempt to settle his mind so he can get some sleep before they’re parked at a new venue in a new city in the morning. The show earlier that night had felt electric, Alex had been more in tune with this crowd than he had in a while. It was a glorious feeling to walk off stage with, but it also meant that the buzz was still tingling a bit just below his skin hours later.

Tea and his journal were his typical go-to choices to relax on a night like this, but unfortunately, his normal methods were failing him. He takes a deep breath, wondering for a moment if he should try out some of those meditation techniques Zack had taught him, and then he feels the bus come to a stop.

He pulls aside one of the curtains to check out where they’re at. Some kind of gas station, it appears. No obvious signs of that much civilization around it, very typical middle of nowhere Arizona (or maybe New Mexico?). He watches their bus driver wander out in front of the bus and shake hands with one of the guys driving the bus some of the other crew are on. Everyone is just stretching their legs, it looks like.

He reaches for his mug to take another sip and frowns down at the ceramic when he realizes it’s empty. Alex considers digging the box of tea out of the crowded kitchen storage for a moment before glancing toward the front of the bus. With a nod to himself, he leaves the mug in the sink and heads up for the door.

They’re in basically the desert and it’s the middle of the night in November, so Alex really has no reason to be surprised by the chill in the air he’s greeted with after stepping out into the lot. He pulls his sleeves back over his palms and walks out further into the lot. Alex hears someone call his name. Across the lot he sees their driver waving. “We’re leaving in thirty. Be back on the bus by then.”

“Got it,” he yells back. And then it’s silent.

That’s always been one of the best things about traveling at night like this. He finds it exciting to really truly be in the middle of nowhere, where he can step out of the bus into stillness, the only sounds being the tiny chirping of bugs or tree branches blowing in the wind. That’s not even his favorite part though. He tips his face up toward the night sky and squeezes his eyes shut to get them more accustomed to the darkness.

No, his favorite part is the stars.

Alex is endlessly grateful for the opportunities they’ve had the last few years to live and work in big, important cities, but he misses the skies he got to call his own out in the suburbs of Baltimore. The light pollution in LA is so bad he can’t see a single star. After about a month out there, he sadly resigned himself to looking up into the sky for the blinking lights of airplanes and just playing pretend.

There’s no need for that out here. The sky above his head here is filled with glittery lights millions of miles away, with giant stars so big he can’t really comprehend their size. It makes him feel kind of small. Alex likes that feeling sometimes. Puts things into perspective, he thinks.

He’s too busy gazing up above his head, trying to find constellations and planets he knows should be visible at this time in the year, that he doesn’t notice the footsteps approaching from behind him. A pair of arms wrap around his waist and he jumps only for a moment before he looks down and recognizes the hands folded over his middle. Jack drops his head to rest on Alex’s shoulder. “Why the fuck are you still awake?” Jack mumbles sleepily against Alex’s neck.

Alex leans back into his chest. “I couldn’t sleep and I felt us stop,” he explains. “I came out to say hello to my friends.”

“You mean the stars?” Jack asks.

“The planets, too. Oh, and the moon.”

“You’ve got quite the posse,” Jack laughs, his lips pressing against the tattoo behind Alex’s ear. “Can I join you?”

“Always,” Alex smiles.

They take a seat on the hard ground and start recapping their day quietly to each other as they face up toward the sky. Despite both of them knowing Alex runs warmer between the two of them, Alex doesn’t say a word when Jack drops an arm around his waist to pull him in closer to his side. Jack starts recounting a dream he was having before he woke up and draws patterns with his fingertip against Alex’s knee. Eventually they grow quiet for a few moments. Before the silence can settle around them too heavily, Jack starts calling out the names of different constellations he can see.

The universe works in funny ways, Alex has always thought. It can spin together new galaxies and expand on and on forever and build up a bright and brilliant sky like the one they’re looking up at right now. But it also made Jack choose to sit at Alex’s lunch table back in the eighth grade and shoved all four of them together on this wild journey and let Jack and Alex fall in love. It’s crazy to Alex that something capable of making and doing such big things would focus any energy on a couple of suburban boys sitting in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere on a punk band tour.

And suddenly, as Alex sits pressed against Jack, watching the person he loves most in the world gaze up at the clear night sky in wonder, his free hand pointing up at all of the constellations Alex had taught him over the years, words start circling around his head. Bits and pieces of lyrics about love and galaxies forming, warm sweaters and cool nights. He blinks away all the words though to let his vision clear. He can write the song another day. Right now, he’d rather focus on the smile pulling across Jack’s cheeks and the way he squeezes Alex’s hand every time he remembers the name of another star in the Little Dipper.

“Alex, was that right?” Jack asks and pulls Alex out of the love drunk headspace he’d been caught up in.

“I love you,” he sighs in response, his mind not able to process any other words. Alex lifts his hand from his lap to cup around Jack’s neck to bring their lips together for a moment. When he pulls away, Alex catches the pale blush on Jack’s cheeks in the light from the parking lot.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” Jack teases with a laugh. “But I love you, too.”

“You were distracting me so I missed whatever you said, but you were probably right. You’ve gotten pretty good at this.”

Jack flashes him a proud smile. “I have a good teacher.”

“Come on, lovebirds. We’ve got a show to get to,” a voice says down to them. Alex looks up at their driver, who laughs at their blushed cheeks before continuing on to the front of the bus.

Jack gets up first and helps Alex to his feet. Their fingers tangle together as they make a sleepy walk back to the bus. “Stay with me tonight?” Jack asks in a whisper once they’re back inside and the ground starts to rumble gently below their feet.

Alex nods and lets Jack guide them toward the bunks. He hits the light switch as he passes it. “You know, if you keep getting taller, one day it’s going to be physically impossible to fit both of us in there.”

“I like a challenge,” Jack whispers back in the dark before dropping into the bunk. Alex follows after and tucks himself into Jack’s side, his head falling to rest in its typical spot on his chest. Alex knows he’ll get too warm in the night and should probably lose the sweatshirt, but the extra layer of Jack relaxes him better than any cup of tea could ever dream of.

“Thanks for stargazing with me,” Alex sighs, the lateness of the hour finally hitting him. Jack reaches down and pulls a blanket over them both.

“Always,” Jack assures him, his arm wrapping around Alex’s waist.

All night long Alex dreams of bright, clear skies full of stars and Jack holding his hand while naming them all.

Love is a thin gold band sitting in a dish beside the sink.

2032, Maryland

They had received the little blue bowl as a fifth anniversary gift from Rian after he had received a call from the two of them at 2AM tipsy and nearly crying because Alex’s wedding band had slipped off while doing the dishes. Rian had been staying at his parents’ place at the time and showed up an hour later, toolbox in hand, to help them find the ring. It’s been another five years since then but it’s still Rian’s favorite story to tell whenever he’s in town and Jack and Alex are hosting a party.

Jack had never had an issue with his ring trying to slip past his knuckle while cleaning up after dinner. But after the scare with Alex’s, he figures there’s no use in testing chance. So after turning on the hot water tap, he places the band into the dish. He sticks his hand under the water and waits for it to warm, knowing it might be a minute or two since he’s pretty sure he heard Alex running the shower a few minutes earlier after returning from the barn.

Married life isn’t what Jack expected it to be. He kind of assumed they would bicker over random tiny things in the way that his parents did. There was a part of him that thought maybe this would be the thing that made him start feeling like an actual grown up, that a ring on his left hand might be the missing piece to the puzzle of feeling like a put together adult. But nothing really changed. They had both been living on the farm during breaks from tour for a couple years by the time Alex finally asked while on a trip to the cabin. So there was no moving around and there really wasn’t a shift in any other part of their lives to work with either. It was like Rian had said during his best man speech: “I mean come on, guys, you’ve basically been married since we graduated high school.”

He had been worried he would be bad at it. Alex had always been better at sitting still than he was. It had been the original reason Jack gravitated toward Alex. No one else had ever known how to calm Jack enough to stop the constant motion in his world for a minute. Guiding words or a hand against his back from Alex had always been the one thing to ground him, whether they were on a long flight or on a stage in front of twenty thousand people. Alex was always the answer.

It doesn’t take long to finish up the dishes. They had cleaned as they went while cooking so it was just a few plates to clear away. After Alex had carried the stack of them to the sink, Jack waved him away in the direction of the living room. Reluctantly, Alex had rolled his eyes and said a quiet thank you before he refilled his wine glass from the bottle in the fridge and wandered out of the room.

Now, Jack turns off the tap and grabs the towel to dry his hands before slipping his ring back. He retrieves his own glass from the dining room and fills it with the white that Alex had picked up for them to try and steps across the hall to join him.

Alex sits curled up in his usual corner of the couch, his glasses slipping toward the end of his nose as he taps against the screen of the tablet in his lap. He scratches at his head in thought and his beanie falls to the cushion behind him. He doesn’t bother reaching for it again. As Jack takes the spot beside him, he smiles at the touch of gray in Alex’s roots that show through the faded purple he’s had for a while. Jack’s been trying to get him to embrace his graceful aging for ages, but he admires Alex’s very punk insistence on hiding the silver hairs below blues and pinks.

“What are you working on?” Jack asks. He lets his head fall to rest against Alex’s shoulder after setting his glass on the coffee table.

“Mark said the Sunday puzzle was fun this week so I’m giving it a shot,” Alex replies without looking up from the screen. “I forget ‘fun’ in his words means really fucking hard, though.”

“He’s a very smart boy,” Jack says, thoughtfully.

“The smartest.”

They sit in silence for a few more minutes while Alex tries out different options for 16 across. Eventually, he sighs and hits the button to lock the screen. He replaces the tablet with his glass of wine, and they adjust so Jack sits between Alex’s legs with his head resting against Alex’s chest. Most evenings end like this these days when they’re not out on tour. It’s Jack’s favorite part of the day. Sometimes they both sit and work through a couple chapters of whatever book they each picked up recently. Sometimes they watch a movie. But they’re always together in this room as the sunset turns to twilight, and it’s something Jack is grateful for.

The dim room lights up bright as lightning flashes outside and a low roll of thunder follows a few moments later. Jack closes his eyes and focuses on the sound of the rain hitting the porch just beyond the window. “Everybody all closed up out of the storm out there?”

“Oh, yeah,” Alex says, pausing to take a sip from his glass. “They went in without any complaint. They must have sensed it coming.”

Jack hums in agreement. Alex grabs Jack’s free hand and brings them up to rest against Jack’s chest. It’s strange, Jack thinks sometimes, how much he’s grown to love the moments of silence with Alex. Growing up, their world had been so loud and busy. He thinks maybe that’s what taught them to so easily find moments of peace with one another. Short moments in venue dressing rooms before they took the stage all around the world and the tour bus back lounge were all they really had. And the buzz of tour never really stops ringing in their ears when they’re out on the road. It’s been a good change though here, that they don’t have so much noise to fight to find moments where they can sit with only the sound of a late summer storm and their own breathing.

It’s nice, Jack thinks, that they’ve really gotten the best of both worlds in that sense. They’re settled down enough that their mothers both still find casual ways to ask about grandchildren at Sunday brunch. But they also still get to go out on the road with Rian and Zack and play loud rock shows to seas of jumping, singing fans. Jack had worried for a while about those two sides coexisting. He’s thankful they’ve managed it so well.

Outside the storm rages on, the wind changing direction and slapping more rain against the window. Every so often, storms like this still set Jack on edge, despite how he’s lived through probably hundreds of them at this point in his life. If the thunder is just a little bit too loud or the lightning too bright, sometimes he swears he can feel the wind shaking the windows. It’s in those moments that Alex will grab his hand like he’s doing now and tap his fingers back and forth against Jack’s knuckles. It’s the same thing he’s done since they were out on Warped Tour at twenty years old, weathering out storms from the bus somewhere in Florida or Chicago. Some things never really change, Jack’s learned over the years.

“We still need to get up early to stop by the farmer’s market for flowers for my parents’ anniversary and that honey your mom wanted,” Alex says as he sits up, signalling for Jack to do the same. He moves to stand and reaches a hand out to Jack. “Want to call it an early night?”

“You read my mind,” Jack says with a yawn as he accepts Alex’s hand.

They wander through the house, hitting light switches as they go and checking to make sure they locked all the doors. The walls they pass are lined with plaques from band things and family photos and art collected over the years. Jack’s always liked how much they have hanging on the walls. He likes that their home tells their story.

They part ways when they make it upstairs to their bedroom, Alex heading for the bathroom and Jack for the closet. Jack changes quickly from the t-shirt he’s been wearing all day into something a bit more soft and worn to sleep in. He wanders back across the room and leans against the doorframe, just watching Alex place his ring into a dish that matches the one downstairs in the kitchen (Rian had bought a matching set because he’s always been the smart one among them) before reaching for his face wash.

Married life isn’t what Jack expected it to be. For most of his life, given the whirlwind that it’s been since they hit the road as teenagers, Jack has never known what to expect with anything. He stopped trying to set expectations for most things a long time ago. He thinks he likes it that way though. He likes not really knowing what comes next. He knows he’ll be happy and he’ll never have to do it alone.

And, as he watches Alex examine the band on his fourth finger missing the rest of the glowy summer tan he gets from hours outside with the horses, he’s pretty sure that’s all that really matters.

#jalex #jalex fic #this is longer for me btw #like 6.5k #so not long compared to most of u dudes but i'm proud of this one lol #again i'm sorry for two back to back fic posts lol #just rlly wanted to update my masterlist #lol

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zirkkun · 4 years ago

Note

Yo you have every right to be upset about things! You're still a person with your own feelings and deserve to be treated kindly. No one should come at you for making things you enjoy or for misunderstandings. I hope things get better for you even if I wasn't here for when all the drama happened (or maybe I was and just wasn't aware of it? I tend to avoid drama as much as possible tbh)

I didn't really post about it much. I think I answered about 4 asks about it (three of them in the same post because i was sure it was the same anon due to the similar string of seemingly continued messages) and the rest I just deleted as soon as they came in, but I got... A lot. A lot of mean things said too. Kinda hurts when you wanted to make something because you knew this work was highly criticized and wanted to let people give it a second chance only to be shot down by the people you were hoping to defend lol

In short, and a lot of it I missed because I was blocked by a lot of people so my friend sent me screencaps; someone took I believe only the old ask box post I had for ULR, which at the time was called "Underlust Rewrite," and was disgusted at the fact that everything was revamped and "made for kids" (because it's not 18+ explicit content, but as I've said before, it's just cause I'm too scared to be horny on main, and I've literally made a whole different biological system for ULR so I can write the necessary story ""sex scenes"" without it being human-like sex or otherwise uncomfortable or too explicit for me to draw, but I still consider it a mature story overall), so they blocked me instantly here and on twitter and then made a callout post on twitter itself. People were telling me originally to stop calling the AU Underlust, and I didn't really get it at first, because like, what's the difference between my spinoff and, say, Underlust Gold, Swapfell Indigo, TS!Underswap, you know, names that have add-ons from the original title to differentiate it but still connect it to the source. So that's what I said, as well as if I removed the Underlust name, it would be considered stealing to me, because I'd be disconnecting it from the source. But apparently, instead, what had been the concern was that it was just being called "Underlust" and the "Rewrite" aspect was implying I was replacing the original story, which like, had never been my intention and I've made a bunch of things with both the ULR and UL cast together and love the idea of Lust and Ace meeting up and just being a disaster duo of not working together at all. I just adore Underlust like it's in my pinned FAQ, Lust's been in my banner for months now, and he's practically my staple pfp character on every account but here atm.

It took like 3 days for it to actually click what was going on, because once I finally got the chance to have a conversation with someone where they weren't telling me I was the scum of the Earth -- which, honestly, bless the three people I talked to, they were so sweet (which actually included someone from the Japanese side of the fandom whose art I loved too... yeah it got pretty far. Once I sent them a message though it was cleared up quickly and they did post a clarification post about ULR and me, so that was nice to see.) -- I finally got the chance to realize that this was a misunderstanding from the beginning, from both sides, where people coming at me were saying I was doing all of the stuff above and probably more but those stuck the most, while I was confused as to where this information and accusations were coming from and what they were referring to in the first place. They probably never explained it in the anon asks because, well, they probably assumed I knew what I was doing, but when they came at me about something I didn't do with vague context of something I did do, I was very confused, and got really defensive really quickly, and really honestly snapped pretty hard. After my first initial explanation post and people were still trying to tell me to stop ULR/don't call it Underlust/whatever else there was, I just got tired and told people to block me if they didn't like it. But that didn't really stop anyone and honestly made it worse because that's when I started getting really nasty messages. I like... Specifically remember one where someone called me a lowlife and a thief, and that one stuck the most, but I tended to not read through them before deleting them for my own sanity. I actually did this to one of the people who'd later talked to me calmly about it at first too, because I had just woken up, and really didn't want to read an essay lecture on everything everyone's been telling me at the crack of 7am when I was borderline ready to delete my account and start over lol

Some people I do remember were accusing me of trying to censor nsfw content or erase it as well because ULR isn't 18+, and I'm out here on my horny ass like "wh. What are they talking about, where did you get that idea, have you SEEN my ao3 recommended list," /j but in all seriousness I really didn't understand that accusation at all because I've never been against nsfw content in the slightest and lowkey? This is very dumb -- but like, you know how they say when you get hate mail, you know you've made it? Well, for me, my thought has always been, "When there's 18+ fancontent of my OC's, I'll have finally made it." This is... Not a joke, some of my friends think its very weird LMAO oh well. I've been on the internet for far too long at this point -- like, definitely since I was far too young, probably, and being with a family of the next youngest being 12 years older than me, I really dove into stuff pretty quickly I definitely shouldn't have, but hey that's life -- I'm really unfazed by mostly anything now. Hell, me making ULR was honestly half motivated by me wanting to make others more comfortable with this kind of media, discussing sexuality and otherwise sexual-considered topics, without really being embarrassed or bothered by it. Because, people talk about death and killing and whatever other gorey stuff just fine, but the moment sex comes up, people just gasp in awe, y'know? I kind of grew up that way myself but like... ironically, in being more comfortable with my asexuality, I realized that it's honestly not that big of a deal. Sure, we don't need to hear the details of everything. We don't need to hear the details of a murder either. But I will never understand how murder is always the lowest on the "morally wrong list of things to not to" to so many people and that it's fine to mention, but even consider bringing up anything else and it's like, a sin and you're a bad person. Even racism is like, higher up on there for a lot of people, which it's like... this is an issue that needs to be discussed, or it can never be solved. You can't just kick that away and hope it goes away on its own, that's never how it works.

Ah, well, now I've gone off tangent lol. Sorry to make you read a blob of text lmao but having things in a cohesive format of what I've been thinking does feel a bit better. Thank you for the support regardless, and I do want to keep making what I really enjoy, because frankly, I really want to make things that make people take a step back and think for a moment, y'know? Things that invoke like a realization in yourself about something you didn't even know. That's how fiction's always been for me, so I want to give back by making it that way too. ... maybe my horny content is exempt from this however. That's just. Self indulgence LMAO.

Probably helps that I'm actually talking this all out for once, too, since before any of this I tried to keep as much of the situation contained to myself as possible in hopes I could clean it up before it got too bad. That was, in hindsight, probably a terrible idea lol. But I didn't want to be a source of stress for anyone following me or become the new creator-to-defend that like, 50% of people hate and 50% of people love and that you're either on one side or the other and there's no where in between. (I feel like Arin Hanson comes to mind for me every time I think of someone like this.) I know I can't please everyone and I knew internet hate would come eventually, but like, didn't expect it to be over a name or tag choice. I thought that would be a simple enough DM or clearable thing but apparently not, especially since I saw someone a few weeks ago delete their blog over a similar thing (though, the opposite, in a way: posting nsfw in a sfw tag by mistake). It wasn't in the UT fandom so y'all probably weren't following them (tbf I wasn't either, I just witnessed it happen from start to finish), but it was still disheartening.

Anyway, thank you, and sorry to make ya read all of that (if you actually did vahdbs don't blame you if you don't it's a lot of thought dump lmao)💕💕

#zircon answers #anonymous #all this happened like the DAY i got accepted onto the bhc team to and i was like #alright guys am i being kicked out day one lol #like i was expecting the worst from this whole thing #but im still kind of happy with how i worked it out #i really wish more people were like #willing to talk things out rather than just spit in a general direction and hope youll listen #because like even the people i talked to calmly some of them were pretty rude at first! but!#theyre not bad people #they were just scared for their favorite thing #i cant blame them for that and honestly i do consider the hatred justified under the circumstances that they knew #but they were all really nice after we talked things out #and were like 'i hope your series does well' and that really meant a lot honestly #death mention tw//

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thebookofus-depravity · 4 years ago

Text

Skinny Bone Jones

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 coming soon!

9k words

This is my baby Park Jaehyung and an AU in which y’all are dealing with the coronavirus together in LA. Jae grew up with Y/N and you were childhood friends. You stayed close but haven’t seen each other in ages. Now you’re both back.

Teeth rotting fluff, possible smut in future chapters (lets see if I have the balls to post it), Y/N has a strong proclivity for a certain guitarists hands. And honestly, who can blame her? TW: Confrontation with a nasty old ex, Coronavirus, Quarantine, overbearing parents.

...

This fucking sucks.

Closing your laptop, and shoving it off of your lap to the side of your bed, you are struck by exactly how warm the underside of your Netflix Machine was in contrast to the chilly room. Well, 3 hours of To Catch a Predator in, and sure, your old 2011 Dell dinosaur is going to be a little mad at you. I've got to do something today. Anything.

Week 3 of your quarantine is coming to a close and on this breezy LA Thurs-Fri-Turday (who the hell knows anymore) you can feel the last tendrils of your sanity escaping with the setting sun. It just doesn't stop setting. And rising. And setting. And rising. Tortuously slow some days and before you can even get out of bed the next. Not that you get out of bed much.

Alright. That's it. I'm gonna do something. I have to. It's time to make some art, bake some cookies, go for a run, tell someone around me how much I value them, topple the patriarchy. I am going to get up and do something with my life and damned if I get in my own way again. I am unstoppable. I am formidable. I am inevitable.

Rising from your rumpled bed clothes with the steadfastness of a slightly anemic Viking (whoa I’m woozy, I shouldn't have stood up so fast. Shit, when's the last time I ate?) you cross to the large bay window that faces the street. You throw your curtains open, ready to face the day, only to be faced with… stars starting to twinkle at you out of the inky blackness. Dammit. I'm gonna have to defeat systemic oppression tomorrow.

Squinting from behind your glasses, you see that the stars are not stars at all but helicopters blinking down at you. You haven't seen real stars since your trip to Big Sur last summer. Although you moved to LA when you were 7, you have vague recollections of the Korea that you loved as a young child. Your parents had picked up and moved to the States after years of struggling through VISA's and citizenship red tape. Your mom and dad had originally meant to get married and have you in the US. The land of opportunity.

You now chafed slightly under that blanket of opportunity as you are far too aware of the responsibility you have been given to make the absolute most of it. From the ripe old age of 8 you had been conditioned to follow your dreams to their fullest. As long as those dreams were to become a doctor, lawyer, or marry a CEO. Your parents cared about you greatly and you knew that. They only want security for you, happiness comes from security. Now 25, you can't quite remember the last time their overbearing nature had been quite this...potent. You were in your final year of medical school at USC and there was nowhere to run. It was time for you to begin your foray into the 'real world' of residency. The same post-undergrad 'real world' that you had watched all of your non-premed friends crash land into. They had all distanced themselves from you, both figuratively and literally; intentionally and inadvertently. Divorced, Beheaded, Died: Divorced, Beheaded, Survived. You had watched you friends get married, have kids, sabotage marriages, buy houses, do well, do poorly. And here you were in some kind of bubble both safe and isolated from all of the uncertainty beyond the classroom.

Jokes on you, Jessica, now we're all screwed, you find yourself thinking for the upteenth time over the past month. You had been watching the Coronavirus since December and knew exactly what was to come. You did all that you were capable of as a not-quite certified medical professional and tried to convince people of the reality of the threat, convince them not to panic, and to exercise a reasonable level of preparedness. Well, that didn't work. You found yourself sunk into a deep well of frustration and futility at the action and inaction that was being exhibited throughout the States. For the first weeks of quarantine you found yourself glued to your phone, helplessly watching the tragedy unfold and the stupidity that was ensuing. By week 2 your empathy had burnt out and you knew you couldn't watch that world anymore. K-drama's it is. After completely obliterating Crash Landing on You, Itaewon Class, and rewatching Descendants of the Sun for the eighth time just because it's so. damn. cute!, your parents started to get a little concerned.

Your stomach growled and you realize you, in fact, haven't eaten since early this morning. As you consider what the consequences of emerging from your cave of a bedroom might have, you resign yourself. Five minutes later you are hovering in the kitchen with a bowl of leftover whateverthefuck in hand, you turn to see both of your parents at the bar stools staring at you with a look of concern that you haven't seen in years. Shit, I keep forgetting, they think I'm functional. Your parents had shipped you off to Health Careers College Prep school, a boarding school in Sacramento, when you were 16. Upon graduation there with your high school diploma, nurses aid, and dental hygienist's certificates, you immediately started at USC premed. You hadn't lived at home since your Jonas Brother's phase. As much as your parents loved you, they didn't really know you. This had been overwhelmingly obvious when the USC campus closed and you returned home to open arms and your bedroom frozen in the clutches of 2009. Your parents had welcomed you home with tearful hugs and a new gift for your room. I know how much you love that Kevin- boy. And your room is so old. Come. Come. Already wary and wondering who the hell is Kevin? you allowed yourself to be led to your old room and set your bags down with a deadened thump. You tried so hard not to laugh, You really did. They're trying so hard. But like, Where did they even find this monstrosity? You had been staring up at the largest poster of Kevin Jonas that you had ever seen every night for 3 weeks and it was starting to get to you.

Regardless of the decor (purple fuzzy lamp shade included), there were so many parts of living at home that were so foreign to you. Although everything was completely the same, you were worlds different and it was disorienting. Your bed seemed smaller, the walls shorter, the colors dimmer. Everything that made that house your home was still there, only you had changed. It was like you were in a coma and had just woken up, the rest of the world unchanged but with 10 more years under your belt. Your therapist would tell you that you were reverting into a childlike state because of trauma and surroundings. Hush, Mollie, I don't need that right now. I need food.

Food was honestly what was keeping you sane and civil. Your parents own a pho shop just down the street that was still taking carry out and delivery orders for pho, crawfish, whatever they had lying around. You had been helping out in the kitchen and with deliveries since you had been home. As freeing as the drives have been, you really come alive in the kitchen. You had been watching your mom make pho and dumplings for years and although she sent kimchi to your apartment every month or so, you missed your moms cooking. And her kitchen. You immediately took to cooking just like you had when you moved off of USC campus and into an apartment with some friends. You had 12 burners! That all worked! A convection oven! Two of them! Kitchen Aid's! You had no problem opening up shop at 8am every morning to prep the dough and get the stock boiling and all of the other things that her mother and father had been doing for the past 20 years.

Returning to your room after rinsing out your bowl and chopsticks, and exchanging goodnight's with your parents you sit on your bed and tell yourself to go to bed. You have to be up at 7am for the kitchen. You need to chop scallions for the pork and chive dumplings so it has time to coagulate. Come on, Go to bed. No phone. It was a pitiful attempt, really. You had been pulling med-school grade all-nighters since your junior year of high school and nothing was stopping you now. Turning on your side for easy access to your charger, you plug your phone and coast through Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, Tinder for an indeterminate amount of time before your eyes start to get heavy. Instagram was just filled with all of your peers from USC recklessly meeting up with friends for picnics and drives and all of the other things they thought they were free to do because they were young and healthy and beautiful. Fuck off. Youtube provided a lovely escape from the actual outside. Mikey Chen showed you around TaiPei's street food scene, Binging with Babish gave you a new hand pulled noodle recipe to try, Bon Appetit made you glad you weren't Claire Saffitz. Tinder was a joke but an adequately funny one. Instead of your bog standard USC fuckboi's you were able to talk to fuckboi's from Korea, Dubai, Indonesia, Guatemala, Brazil. How fun. You had downloaded it 6 months prior after yet another guy in your department was just 'too busy, i'm sorry' to make the date that you had planned. You generally tried to avoid Twitter as it was just an echo chamber of panic and 24 hour news cycles and didn't do much for your anxiety. See, Mollie? I'm being smart.

You flick open the little bird app and scroll for just a minute. A particular notification picques your attention. Jae tweeted. Well, Day6 tweeted, but we all know who runs their twitter. Your throat tightens with nerves as the post loads. You worry about him more than you'd like to admit but with tours cancelled and travel suspended, you know how hard it can be for people whose livelihoods revolve around entertainment and travel. The post loads and you let out a sigh of relief to see Jae surrounded by his band mates and smiling. Brian starts speaking Korean and delivers his message about their newly acquired tiktok. Brian gestures for Jae to speak and Jae delivers the same message in English. Ah, he went back to blonde. It looks good on him. Wait is he- oh god, he's wearing a crossbody fanny pack. Jae, you're old. Stop. Shifting to get more comfortable, you let the video loop a few times before closing the app. Jae's okay. You roll over onto your side and set your phone to the side. Jae's voice echoes through your ears for the next few minutes but you resolve yourself against it. I'm not getting fucking tiktok. I'm a grown ass woman. That app is for 12 year olds. And Jae. Resolved, you burrow into your Jonas brothers duvet cover for the night.

Sweating and on the verge of tears, you wake with a start. The dream was already slipping from your consciousness with a blessed haste but the uneasy feeling that the nightmare gave you seemed to coat the inside of your skull and taint it's entire contents. A thin light filters through your still open window and your eyes creak open. Morning? Sure, why not? Rolling over, you flick open your phone and are greeted by an all too unfamiliar, 5:17am. It's too damn early. Even for you. You still have an hour or so to kill before you have to get up but you didn't fancy the idea of trying to go back to sleep after that dream. Propping yourself up on a few of the approximately 67 pillows that litter your twin sized bed, you open your phone. 3 new emails from USC congratulating you on your graduation and asking for some documentation of something or another or evaluation of some class you hadn't thought of in weeks. Skip. 2 emails from residencies that you had applied to before the coronavirus urging you to reapply in the fall. Great. You couldn't even bring yourself to feign concern over the missed opportunity. 1 email from Twitter informing you that Jae had tweeted. Again. You follow the link to another video of his side project EaJ. You had been following his new releases and you were surprised by the tenderness and vulnerability that they showed. He was always such a funny guy, it was the only side that he really showed much to the media. Sure, fans got glimpses at concerts, but not many knew just how deep the well ran in that man.

Today's Tuesday, apparently. The next episode of How Did I Get Here? comes out today. I'll have something to listen to while I food prep. You never admitted to yourself how pleased you were when he started the podcast. You missed hearing his voice on a regular basis. Hollered up into your window, whispered between giggles in the back-most church pew, hurled across crowded hallways. Of course, the voice was different than it is now. Pocked by pubescence and the LA accent, you remember a far squeakier Jae. He was the first person you met when you moved into the neighborhood at 7 years old. He was 9 so of course, he took it upon himself to show you exactly where you could and couldn't go and what taco trucks would give out fare for free to little kids on weekends. You remember those years fondly as finally having the big brother you never had. Skinny Bone Jones, you called him. He stood up for you when the kids in middle school called you smelly for bringing kimchi in your lunch. He called you smelly just for being you. He was well liked in school and by extension so were you. You had the cool big brother. You were more than happy to play second fiddle and be his backup. Tagging along to parties, helping him record his yellow post-it note covers on Youtube, letting him know when his hair looked stupid.

And so it stayed until Jae actually made it on KPop Star. As much as you loved him, you didn't think he would ACTUALLY make it. Sure, he could sing. He had a beautiful voice but that wasn't enough. The boy danced like a drunk chicken and was 6ft tall and 120lbs soaking wet. He didn't even know Korean. What was he thinking? He was thinking he was going to prove you wrong. And he did. You watched as Skinny Bone Jones transformed into Park Jaehyung with a perfect balance of immense pride and terror. You knew you wouldn't lose your friend entirely but during his trainee days he had very limited access to the outside world, and you just weren't a priority. Honestly, you would've been offended if you had been. He has a mom, dad, an older sister, bandmates, college. It only makes sense that the steady stream of communication turned into a trickle. It wasn't until Every Day6 that you were more of an insistent presence in his life. You burrowed your way back into his inbox with the tenacity of the annoying little sister that you were. You were worried. You watched him on After School Club and in the deluge of content that Day6 was serving their slowly growing fanbase. He looked tired. You once again rekindled your relationship but it was different now. Instead of you leaning on him for social support, you became his confidant. He was struggling. Burnt out, and questioning so many things, he didn't want to go to his bandmates because he didn't want them to worry. His parents would pull him immediately if they knew exactly how rough his condition was, his 'friends' from college had proved fake. He now had Alpha Phi Omega blocked because they wouldn't stop asking for favors: Day6 tickets, Twice merch, Got7 tickets. He felt alone but you reached out and he was able to lean on you. The trials passed and he was happier than ever and Day6's growing popularity meant good things for his lobster funds.

You stayed in contact over the years and shared with each other the going on's of your lives. You had even managed to go to the Gravity World Tour date in LA. Jae got you backstage and you were able to meet the rest of his bandmates that you had heard so much about. It was an act of God that you managed to keep your composure. I mean sure, he's just Jae but you're still backstage at a concert for the first time! Your cheeks still redden when you remember how Jae caught you ogling at YoungK. Heart in your throat, and voice barely above a whisper YoungK had walked directly over to you and asked what you were doing backstage. After a solid 15 seconds of pointing listlessly at your Press badge and making just the strangest of noises that were meant to approximate speech, Jae finally caught wind and rushed over, knocking your sense back into you and introducing you to the members.

Oh! Y/N! It's so nice to finally meet you! Jae talks about you all the time, I'm so glad you were able to make it! Your cheeks inexplicably reddened further to a violent shade of pink but the boys slowly defanged themselves in your mind. They're truly lovely people and you're glad Jae has them. That being said, you still can't quiiiite look Brian in the eyes and Jae thinks it's hilarious.

The Gravity tour feels like ages ago as you shrug on some jeans and a tee shirt for your walk to the shop. August 2019 at the Novo may have only been 8 months ago but it seems like a different reality. The Novo will be closed for the forseeable future and concerts are cancelled. That stings but not as much as the radio silence from Jae. First it was his tour schedule that rendered communication difficult and now the virus. You know he's busy and it's been a weird few months for the entertainment industry, but a 'Hey I'm alive.' would be nice. From his podcasts and twitter you've been able to keep some thread attached but you feel it stretching thin as the months stretch on. You really don't want to be annoying. You're sick of feeling like a fan. Yeah, you support Jae and Day6 and would call yourself a MyDay, but that's not all you are. You know him. You dragged him through the mud when he convinced you to try sledding down a muddy hill on a trash can lid. You set up his camcorder for his covers when he still had that stupid swoopy hair. You posed as his angry girlfriend when a crazy fan wouldn't leave him alone. You're starting to feel like just a fan and not a friend and it's only exacerbated by the glee that you feel when you get the notification from dive studios that How Did I Get Here? has updated. I miss my friend.

Not bothering to flip the sign on the front door from closed to open, you shoulder open the front door of the shop after fumbling with the keys. Tying an apron securely around your waist, and flicking on your noise cancelling headphones to a comforting thrum, you wash your hands and begin to chop the largest pile of scallions you've ever seen. Crunching through the pile, you start Jae's podcast and everything is gone but him. You can almost imagine him in the room with you, perched on the counter talking your ear off about the Mandela effect or how weird elbows are or something equally as ridiculous. Today he's talking about soul mates. As you listen to him joke and banter and pontificate, your eyes well up. It's just the scallions. You know damn well it's only partially the scallions. You miss Jae. And you're in the middle of a pandemic. And your family barely knows you. And you're not sure if you even want to be a pediatric oncologist. Fuck. Jae's words turn into white noise in your ears as you toss your headphones to the side and place the knife on the butchers block, perhaps more aggressively than necessary. You pause the podcast and let yourself sit in the feeling. You're lonely and sad. See Mollie? I'm letting myself feel things. Making room for every emotion. You cast your mind around and recall all of the little wounds that prick a little too deep today. You feel a squeeze in your abdomen and your eyes shoot open wide. Shit, my period. I've got to be PMSing. Even Jae recognized the trend in your emotions before you did. The week before your period, you were notoriously mushy and weepy and indulgent. Well, that's one mystery solved. I'll be okay. Mollie's voice echoed through your brain with her familiar argument that hormones only heighten the emotional distress, not fabricate it. These feelings are valid and aren't fake just because you're hormonal. You steadfastly ignore that point, wipe your eyes, and pull your headphones back on. You finish up the pile of scallions and a few other morning chores before the podcast ends. It's Jae's sign off that sends the bowl of mandu filling that you were holding clattering to the floor. "I'm coming to you from my childhood home, so if the audio is a little finnicky… blame Byron." Jae's home.

…

After sweeping up a pound of pork, beef, mirin, soy sauce, and chives and disposing of it, you stare at your phone- hands shaking slightly. Jae. What the fuck. You rip off your apron and your mind races. Should I call him? Should I go see him? I can’t believe he’s right here. 2 houses down. Fuck. Your rational brain knows that it’s okay to feel excited about Jae being home. But the sneaky little bitch that lives in the back of your brain is telling you that if he wanted to hear from you, he would’ve called. You feel a little bit of yourself fragment at that, but you push it to the side. You open up your phone and slide over to his contact in your phone. What greets you is your last text conversation.

Jae: I’m so glad you had fun, Y/N! But if you ever look at Brian like that again, I might have to put a ban on you at our concerts. His head was way too big.

Y/N: Look at him like what?! I didn’t do anything and you know it!

Jae: Of course you’re didn‘t. You totally weren’t drooling over my bassist.

Y/N: Fuck off.

Jae: Gladly, love. ;)

8 months ago. Sure you’d DM’d quite a bit since then and called a few times. But it just seemed so sparse. You don’t want him to just humor you. You’re an adult and perfectly capable of being alone. You’re not going to text him just yet.

You finish up your morning chores and head back to your house, pausing for perhaps just a little too long in front of the sandstone house with the tan shutters and shoes out front. You knew that house so well. You knew how much weight the tree outside the upstairs bedroom window could hold. You knew where the kimchi refrigerator was tucked away in a back corner of the garage. You knew there was a blonde boy in there that you wanted nothing more than to run inside and get a hug from.

You shower and let the hot water run over you, hoping it will relax the knotted up muscles in your back. It’s not like I can go see him anyway. We’re in quarantine. He probably just got back to LA and just hasn’t gotten the chance to-. You run the same conversation over and over in your head until you can’t take it anymore. You need someone else’s voice in your head. Curling into your covers, you sigh and go to the App Store. A few short minutes later and you hate yourself more than you ever have. Tiktok. Here we go. You watch the video of Day6 introducing themselves to the social networking platform once, twice, three times until your eyes start to ache. All of a sudden you’re met with a new post that pings up. Your breath catches in your throat as you see Jae standing in his living room, attempting to keep up with Amber Liu’s dance challenge. You can’t help but giggle as he flails to the left, to the right, oversized black hoodie always falling into his face. BM would be proud. Express not impress. You find yourself shocked at the weight that he’s gained. He looks healthy and happy. You remember the conversations in middle school about how much he hated being skinny. The evenings in the weight room in high school. Failed doctors appointments. He looked good before but you see that in recent months his chest has been swelling and not just with pride. His shoulders sit a little bit broader than you ever remember in the past and you’re happy for him. Good for you, Jae.

You like the tiktok and let it loop a few more times before sighing heavily and opening your messaging app.

Y/N: I got TikTok for you, ya little shit.

You chuckle but leave the text unsent. You’ll think of something better later. You toss your phone to the side in the face of the mountain of laundry on your bed that needs to be taken care of. As you hang the last of your shirts, your phone pings. You pick it up to a notification from Jae.

Skinny Bone Jones: Language!

Skinny Bone Jones: Do you think Amber approves?

You feel a flare of indignation wash through your limbs at the mention. Apparently it had sent. Oh well. As the thrill of a reply ebbs out of you, it is replaced by a rising indignation. How dare you?! Not tell me you’re in town and pretend like you didn’t?! Really?!

Y/N: I don’t really care what Amber thinks.

Maybe that was a little snippy. You love Amber, truly. But how can he have time for TikTok but not me?

Skinny Bone Jones: Yeah? Do you still care what I think?

Your heart catches in your throat. So he’s caught on that you’re pissed.

Skinny Bone Jones: Y/N, can I call you?

You swipe up to the phone icon and call him on auto pilot. Talk to me, Jae.

“Y/N?” you hear Jae’s voice.

“Jae.” Your voice comes out whispier than you meant it to. You try again.

“Jae! How are you?”

“Oh, y’know, just got off a plane that smelled like bleach and got to my house that isn’t really my house anymore, left my guitar to be sanitized, was “strongly encouraged” to make a TikTok by my company, and then got my head bit off by my best friend. Just quarantine things.” There is a touch of acid in his voice but Jae mostly sounds tired. Your empathy comes surging back and you sigh.

“I’m sorry Jae. I just- I didn’t know you were in town until I listened to your podcast this morning. I was a little hurt that you didn’t call or anything.”

“Look, kid. I just got home. I’m a diva. You know I require at least an 18 hour period of naps and boba to function properly. I’m a KPop Star now.” You laugh at the callback to your irate spiel a few years ago about how fame had changed him and he was a diva and just ‘wasn’t the Jae you knew’ anymore. It wasn’t his fault he was allergic to everything and turned down all of your food suggestions.

“Jae, you’ve been a diva since day one.” You quip back, tension resolving as you fall back into a familiar playful banter.

“And don’t you forget it, Y/N.” There's a slight pause before Jae continues,

“This diva is really sorry he didn’t call you. It’s just been a lot the last few days. The tour just got cancelled. And our album comes out in a few days. Our team has been going crazy trying to figure out how we’re supposed to publicize in this climate and I just-“

“Jae. Chill. When I preordered mine last week, it was the most popular album on the site. It’s gonna sell. Don’t worry too much.” There’s a beat of silence in which you can hear the air whoosh out of Jae’s lungs.

“You-You preordered Demon?” Jae sounds shocked but endeared at your admission and you laugh.

“Of course? I’m really pumped to hear that sexy, soothing voice of Wonpil’s. Maybe I’ll even get a Dowoon photo card this time! I keep getting Jae ones in my other albums and I give them to my little cousin.” This isn’t entirely true. You have 3 of Young K, 2 of Dowoon, and 1 each of Wonpil and Sungjin. You’ve been waiting for a Jae photocard for ages. You would die before you told him that, though.

“You little shit. If you don’t want to see my face, why are you following Day6 on TikTok?” Jae ribs back.

“Brian. Duh. He’s fine as hell.”

“Yah! Haven’t you found a boring ass Orthopedic surgeon or some shit, yet? Why do you have to terrorize me like this?”

“Why? Haven’t you found a Twice member that’ll marry you yet, Skinny Bone Jones?”

“I’ll have you know, I gained 10 pounds the past 8 weeks! I’ll be big as BM soon!” You can picture the expression of childlike pride in his face even if you can’t see it.

“You look really good, Jae. I’m proud of you. You’ve been working really hard.” The sudden sincerity catches the both of you off guard and you clear your throat.

“Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot.” A comfortable silence is followed by a lengthy conversation recounting the previous weeks, the various states of the other members, your own eviction from college, and the status of the shop.

“You know, Y/N, if you or your family need anything I’m more than happy to help. I mean I know how hard it can-“ You cut him off before he can go any further.

“We’re okay Jae, honest. I know you’d be good for it but we don’t need anything right now. Business is good at the pho shop and we’re okay.”

“Okay, okay. Just know I’m here.”

“I mean NOW I do, no thanks to youuu,” you wheedle, whining about his failure to let you know he was in town.

“Come on, Y/N, I said I was sorry!” He laughs but you can hear the desperation of sincerity in his voice.

“I know, Jae. I’m just kidding. I just really missed you.”

“I missed you too Y/N.”

You get off the phone upon the realization that you needed to go to the shop and prep for the dinner deliveries. Sometimes you abhorred that you were “essential”. You run downstairs and tell your parents the good news about Jae and inform them you’ll be back soon.

“I know you’re excited, Y/N, but remember we can’t be going and visiting people like that. Only essential work.” You roll your eyes slightly but assure them that you know. As if you hadn’t been telling them the same thing for weeks. I had to convince you not to go play mahjong in the park, eomma. You might be excited, but you’re not stupid.

You had just started filling the mandu when you hear the bell over the door chime. Pardon me, are you stupid? We've been closed for weeks, why do you think it would be okay to just walk in? You wipe your hands on your apron and start to walk to the counter.

"Hello? I'm sorry, we're only open for call-in deliveries." You round the corner and lift your head from your hands to see the form of the gangliest, tallest, loveliest man you've ever seen in your life.

"Special delivery." Jae remarks smoothly, arms open wide in invitation and head cocked to the side as if he was bracing himself for the crash landing that was to come.

"Jae!" you yell, and launch yourself from behind the counter and into his arms. His arms fold around you and everything else melts away. Your face burrows against his chest and you inhale. He smells like home and cinnamon. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes with the tide of emotions that wash over you. Jae's hand cups the back of your head into him and he hugs you just as tightly as you hug him. You press yourself into him with everything you have and in the deafening silence and warmth all that you can think is I love you.

"Y/N" He whispers, not loosening his grip on you.

"Mmph." you respond weakly.

"My shirt's wet." You jump back from him a bit and see that he's correct. Your eyes are leaking. All over his white shirt. Oops.

"Oh! I'm-I'm sorry." You laugh a bit and swipe at your eyes before patting at his shirt in futility.

"It's okay, love. Come here." He welcomes you back into his arms and you wrap your arms over his neck this time.

"I missed you." You whisper, voice cracking a bit.

"I know you did." You jump back from him. Bitch.

"Hush. I missed you too, you idiot. Why else would I be standing here right now?"

You cast your eyes around in a panic. He's here. He's right here. In the store. Here. He shouldn't be here. He should be in quarantine with his family. You're unessential to him.

Sensing the realization in your eyes, he pushes past you, walking to the back and puts on the latex gloves hidden behind the counter.

"I figured it was about time to get a 'real job' like everyone keeps telling me to." He smiles smugly and picks up the knife to start chopping the bok choy. You stand there in shock for one second, two seconds, three seconds until you realize he’s about to cut his fingers off.

“Jae! Stop!”

“Look, Y/N, I don’t care what you say, I’m going to do this. I want to help. And I’ll be damned if I’m not allowed to see you in the time I’m finally here-“

“No, Jae. Stop. I know I can’t argue with you. I’d be thrilled if you’d work with me. But Brian is gonna kill me if I let you cut your damn hands off.”

“I… what?”

“You’re a guitarist Jae. We can’t have you cutting off your pretty little fingers. And if you keep chopping it like that, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

Jae looks down at his hands and stretches his fingers wide as if considering them for the first time.

“Pretty?”

You roll your eyes, but unbidden, your eyes are still trained on his hands. They really are pretty.

“Just. Let me show you.” You show him how to tuck his knuckles up against the blade and chop in smooth rocking motions so as not to take off his fingertips.

You work in relative silence for the next hour, packaging meals and portioning combos as your mom and dad peek in and out to pick up the orders. You can feel a warmth flowing through you as you take in your surroundings. The loneliness of the past weeks leeches out of you and dissipates into the warm atmosphere, homey smells, and murmur of conversation. It’s almost as if your limbs wake up bit by bit, like a tree waking up after a long frigid winter. You feel yourself stretch and shine and the bubbles of contentment flow through you. By the time the last combo is out the door, you find it really difficult to take the smile of your face.

Jae seemed to be in the same boat. On more than one occasion you caught him staring at you. Every time you caught him he just shook his head and laughed in that infuriating way of his. But you really couldn’t be irritated at him. It was impossible. He was your happy fairy, even if you wanted to kick him in the shins every two minutes for saying something dumb. Mom and dad said goodnight to Jae in the same way they have been since he was 10. “Tell Mrs.Park I say hello and don’t be a stranger.” Right after they leave and you’re washing the last dish, while Jae sits on the counter telling you about production for Day6’s new album, the phone rings. Before you can tell Jae not to answer it, he’s already taking the man's order. Fine. One more can't hurt. You weren’t anxious to end this day and return to bed alone, so you welcome the post-closing distraction. Cobbling together a plate from the leftovers you were about to bring home, you grab your keys and beckon Jae to follow you.

“No need to bug mom and dad, we can take this one.”

As you walk outside toward where your little yellow bug is parked, you feel Jae move behind you. You can feel his body close to yours and you stiffen instinctually. You’re not used to skinship anymore and you can feel the blood in your veins carbonate as Jae’s breath ghosts across the back of your neck. You stop dead in your tracks, eyes wide, flush creeping up your neck as you feel his hands- those damn hands- ghost along the side of your left arm. You squeak when his fingers brush against the back of your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. Your world spins. Fuck is he holding my hand? Do I want this to happen? He’s so close to me. Can he hear my heartbeat?

“Jae-“ you begin to say, with absolutely no idea as to where the statement would go after.

Luckily you don’t have to think of any sort of decisive move because Jae immediately snatches the keys from your now limp left hand with a cackle, running ahead to the car.

“I’m driving!” You little fucking- oooh!

You’re thankful for the cool evening breeze and dim street lights or you were sure to get a ribbing for the blazing red cheeks that you were sporting. You climb into the passenger's seat with the food on your lap and do your best to sink into invisibility. It doesn’t work. You’re convinced that he can hear your brain jackhammering away at the night's events.

Did I want that to happen? Did that happen? He was so close to me. He felt so warm and the way he touched me. Running your hands over your arm, you could feel his touch like it had raced a burning path down your whole left side. Do I… like Jae?

You glance over at him now and again as he puts the car in drive and begins the route to the destination. Jae, of course, is jabbering away about how everything has changed since he’s been gone and, “Omigod, is that ANOTHER pinkberry?” You find yourself nodding along passively while actively trying to figure out what the hell was going on in your brain. Much like his podcast, his voice became white noise by which you asked yourself questions you weren’t sure you wanted the answers to. Of course I love him. But do I like, like him? Never in your life have you felt more like a horny, confused teenager but as you glance over and watch Jae with one hand on the steering wheel, wind blowing through his hair, you know one thing for sure- Jae isn’t a kid anymore. And he isn’t your brother.

It isn’t until you pull into a neighborhood about 10 minutes later that you remember that you’re here on a delivery. Yanking yourself from your reverie, but with unease still firmly lodged in your thoughts, you address the task at hand.

“Jae, where are we?”

“Uhhhh, 3051 Driver Rd.”

Driver Road. You know this neighborhood but you can’t quite place where. If your previous safari into your possible romantic interest in Jae wasn’t jarring enough, you feel panic rising through your system like so much bile. Why do I know this neighborhood? Jae, unaware of any turmoil on your part, pulls up to the house in question and when your headlights wash over the yard your heart sinks into your throat. You’re going to be sick. 3051 Driver Rd. This is where Sean lives.

You had met Sean Avery in your sophomore year of premed and had fallen head over heels in love with him. He was tall, attractive, ambitious, and he wanted you. You were star struck. It wasn’t until a year of ‘dating’ later that you unearthed the whole messy truth of his long string of side pieces and general douchebaggery. If that wasn’t enough, in the past year you heard the report of him almost catching a case with a high school senior in the area. You knew now that he was nothing but a predator and a coward. You had managed to avoid him since your explosive breakup but now it seemed you had very little choice.

“Sean fucking Avery” you seethe in the seat next to Jae.

“What did he do to you?” Jae asked, taken aback by your sudden vitriol.

“Shit, that wasn’t in my head was it?” Jae laughs a bit but sobers up quickly at your expression.

“Y/N you look really pale, are you okay? I don’t know your history with this guy but hey, you don’t have to deliver this. I’ll do it. Don’t you worry, love.” Jae places his hand on the top of your head and ruffles your hair a bit in an attempt to be comforting. The attempt helped. Your heart pricks up a bit at Jae’s term of endearment but it feels more deadened than it should. You’re sick of feeling like this. Of letting Sean steal your joy from you. It’s been too long for that shit. Pulling yourself together a bit, you shake yourself out of your head and steel yourself.

“No, Jae, I’ve got this.” Jae looks at you with slight concern but shrugs nonetheless.

“Alright, well, I’m going with you okay? This dude really must’ve done a number on you if this is your response. And I’d like to see the bastard.” Jae’s eyes glinted with something dangerous that you’ve never seen in him before and it causes the same fire in you to spark. Let’s do this.

With Jae by your side, you march up to the door with the delivery order and set it on the front steps. The doorbell is deafening in the still night and you have to remind yourself to breathe. You jump as the door swings wide and a pathetic looking man sporting a robe and a beer belly peeks from the inside. All of the breath that had been waiting in your lungs released and you feel your head go a little bit light with the realization that this was the man that you were in love with. 7 years later, gone was the debonair gentleman who could sweep you off your feet. In his stead stood a balding, fat, stiff man in boxers and a moth eaten robe. He grunts in acknowledgment of the presence of other humans but it’s obvious that the Neanderthal hasn’t recognized you. He retrieves his food and goes fumbling in his robe pocket for his wallet. He fishes out a card and hands it to you. You take it from him and process the payment.

Declined.

“Sorry, Sean, your card- it declined.”

He huffs and makes a sound in the back of his throat that you can only describe as gross as you hand it back to him.

“It what!? What do you mean declined?” He stumbles forward a few steps and you automatically flinch backward into Jae. Jae’s hand comes up to your shoulder to ground you, a reminder that he’s still there. Sean’s movement wafts a smell of body odor and brown liquor. He always was a mean drunk. You decide to cut your losses while you can and keep the transaction as minimal as possible. No games.

“Your card, Sean, it declined. Do you have an alternate form of payment?” Sean whips open his wallet and roots around for a minute before retrieving a few crumpled up bills. He extends the cash but before you can swap his card for cash, his arm whips back. Looking at you sideways, suspicion drips from his slurred speech,

“How do you know my name?”

Shit. Fuck. Dammit.

You watch helplessly as the cogs turn in his inebriated brain and recognition washes over his face.

“Y/N! It’s you! What do you want from me now, bitch? Trying to take my money now too? Get out of here!” His voice steadily rises in volume and you can feel the walls of your panic closing in on you. Suddenly Jae steps in front of you, arm outstretched to the belligerent man.

“You’re talking to me now. You’re done with her.” Jae holds himself with a confidence that you had only seen from him onstage.

“Just pay for the food and we’ll be going.”

“And who the fuck are you?” Sean spits back, as if Jae were something distasteful that he had found on the bottom of his shoe.

“I’m Jae. Y/N’s boyfriend. Now I’d really love to take Y/N home tonight before it gets too much later. So if you can just pay for your meal, we’ll get going.”

Sean crumples up the bills and throws it into Jae’s chest.

“Good luck with that bitch, kid. You’re gonna need it.” And with that he retreats inside and slams the door shut behind him.

Jae immediately rushes to your side and wraps you in a big hug. Although similar in mechanics to the hug earlier that day, this one was far different in intent. You could feel it in his soul, that hug was meant to squeeze all of the fragmented pieces of you back together again and hold them until they stuck. You can feel your heartbeat slowing to match his and your breathing slowly regulates.

Mollie is gonna have a lot of fun with this one.

Jae escorts you back to the car and there’s a thick silence that you can’t quite bring yourself to cut as he puts the car into drive. You know he is forming his own story of what happened between you and Sean in his head and you can’t tell if that’s better or worse than just reliving it and telling him the whole story- cops and testifying and court and all.

Once out of the neighborhood, Jae heaves a sigh and chuckles a bit.

“Well he seemed lovely.”

“Uh huh. He’s a real peach.”

Jae looks over at you with an expression of dual concern and amused what-the-fucker-y. Did that really just happen?

There is a beat of silence and solid eye contact before you both start cracking up. Unable to restrain yourself any further, you both dissolve into a kind of healing, deep belly laughter that shakes the entire car. Pulling up to your house, Jae throws the car into park and then turns to face you.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, you know? It’s not my business. You’re my business. But asshats like him aren't. Just that I’m around to keep them away from you.”

You sigh deeply, still recovering from the laugh attack, before giving him a brief bulleted list of the sheer shenanigans that Sean had pulled on you all those years ago. You watched as Jae’s face contorted over the course of the story, hardening into yet another study in fierceness that you were yet to see from him.

“I really am okay, though Jae. He had me pretty fucked up for a little bit but honest, I’m okay. I did the therapy, I fought my battles. I just hadn’t done the last closure step of actually looking him in the eye and saying goodbye and good riddance. And I probably never would’ve if it weren’t for tonight.” You reach out and grab his hand instinctively.

“Thank you, Jae. I really appreciate you doing that with me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“You would’ve gotten your ass handed to you is what you would’ve done.” Jae states, deadpan.

“Jaeee!” You laugh, hitting him on the arm.

“Oh, so now you can throw a punch? Okaaay, nice.” This little shit.

Banter aside, Jae takes the key out of the ignition and gathers his things to get out of the car. As he closes the door, you hear him mutter “You need to pick better guys. You’re too great to end up with someone like that.”

You don’t have any kind of answer to that, but you feel a lightness in your chest as his eyes burn into you. Jae walks you to your front door and all you can hear in your head is an echo of Jae’s declaration of “I’m Jae, Y/N’s boyfriend.” Is that what I want?

You end up at your front door far too soon and the twinkling of the helicopters in the sky signals to you that it’s more than time for Jae to go home. Your heart sinks into your stomach at the thought of him leaving and you inwardly groan.

Jae gives you one last hug goodnight and you know before he even releases you that this isn’t enough. Not even nearly. Your feelings, whatever they may be: love, like, general affection, haven’t been correctly quantified and expressed. This has been the best day you’ve had in months, and he was the deciding factor. You were grateful to have him there on your front door step, in his arms. But maybe, just maybe, if you’re able to express to him exactly how you feel about him in this moment, he’ll be able to help you out and translate exactly what this feeling means for your future together. Without thinking about it too much, you retreat from the hug and angle your face up to his so that your noses are almost touching. You sit like this for just a second. That sickening second that would allow him to retreat and tell you you’re an idiot for even thinking it. But he doesn’t retreat. Instead, your lips are brushing against one another in just the barest of whispers of a kiss. His lips are so soft. It’s over in an instant and as the chilly night air cuts between the two of you, you are all too aware of how disproportionately warm your face and neck have become. You smile up at Jae and he carries a similar, if not slightly more shocked, half smile.

As if reading one another’s minds, you both understand that it’s wise to let one another think about the night's proceedings before any further rash decisions are made. In an attempt to preserve the spell of the night sky and the kiss and the chirping cicadas, neither of you say another word to one another but instead exchange content smiles that convey more than a goodnight ever could. With a slight bow of his head and a glide of his hand down the length of your arm, Jae walks backwards down your front steps and slips into the night, shaking his head slightly, trying and failing to conceal his smile. You watch him from the porch as he skips up to his house, before slipping into the warmth of your own home.

...

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FEEDBACK IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE

#kpop #day6 #day6 jae #park jaehyung #slow burn #fluff #kpop fanfiction #day6 fluff #day6 au #fanfiction #skinny bone jones #friends to lovers

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soysaucevictim · 4 years ago

Text

Week 5.

Jan. 30

I woke up a bit before 1PM today.

Did some dishes before I started on my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ tucked side star plank hold (30″/30″). This was certainly an interesting challenge. One thing that helped my orientation was getting the top leg tucked before fully extending the same side’s arm upwards. I... kinda liked this one.

(After updating/posting last week’s logs...)

Last, Chapter 25 of the AoP. First segment was traveling again, 18TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, and one go.

Workout proper was pretty much pure cardio and a lot of fun. I did it at Level 3, max rest. It went fairly smoothly - though there was one dodgy, but not painful landing on right ankle during one of the side-to-side jumps. I did like the moments where I locked in rhythm to the music I was listening too - that’s always satisfying.

Spent rest of night on a bit of the usual and some writing.

Went to bed obscenely late again, a bit later than yesterday.

Jan. 31

I woke up after 11AM.

One of the first things I got done today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 10 cross body push-ups, done without EC. I SORT of manged EC, but deemed my form too sloppy to earn that. Did not go as deep and low to complete it with optimal form. Did try to get more out of it and compensate a little by doing it again at an incline again my bed. Felt slightly better about the form/loads.

Last, Chapter 26 of the AoP. First segment was more traveling, 42TP. Level 2, as high knees, and split into 12+10+10+10.

Did the workout proper at Level 3 (5 sets; 3x5 pushups + 2x10 squats + 10 jump squats per set), max rest. I chose to step into/out-of planks to dial down the aerobics a bit. Push-ups were so-so. But it was acceptable.

I then got to making today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Cavatappi beef ragù, It was okay. I wound up having to eat most of the leftovers. Might not be high on reprisal list for it.

Did some dishes and did another movie night with a friend. We watched Iron Man 1 & 2, tonight. It was a fun romp.

I did a bit of the usual and some writing, too.

Still got to bed obscenely late, but earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 1

I woke up after 10 AM.

Took a shower, did some laundry, made a phone call to fix my drug plan information (procrastinated on that one, lead to a couple days’ lapsing off my meds this week, bleh), and washed some accessories (face and night masks).

Then I got into today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 80 side leg raises with EC. Dis one side first and then the other here.

Last, Chapter 27 of the AoP. First bit was a very short amount of traveling, just 3TP. Did at Level 2, as high knees, in one go.

Did the workout proper at Level 3, max rest. I’m glad that no matter what level it’s done at, that there was just one plank jump-in per set (at Level 3, I had to do 20 reps of each of everything else for 10 sets.) Doing the cross chops made me almost want to do those with my bokken (but I’m pretty sure I’d bust something in my room... Doing Katana Week again is sounding like a lot of fun, down the line.)

Did most of the usual and a little bit of writing stuff, for rest of night.

I got to bed in the red zone still, but more than an hour earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 2

I woke up after 10AM.

Did some writing, dishes, and played some games of rummy with grandma and Dad. Then I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 split lunges with EC (15/15). Manageable work.

Last, Chapter 28 of the AoP. Look, I was NOT looking forward to doing this. Because balance work - the last set BLIND.

Had one brief drop in my last sighted set - #4 - but I quickly strung together that side’s 10 reps for the balance knee-to-elbow crunches. Set #5 pissed me the fuck off. Managed to string the first side on right foot okay, SECOND side I had to fucking try what felt like over 10 gawd damn times to string it. I HATE blind balance work so fucking much. =_=

But I know in my heart of hearts, that’s more reason to actually practice this skill set. It can be invaluable to try to practice balancing work without visual cues - great for injury prevention especially as one gets older and may experience failing vision and generally worse recovery times from injuries.

One of these days, I’ll learn to be less salty about it. Today is not and was not one of those days.

The usual and some writing happened. So did our microwave deciding to die on us (will get a new one to replace it soon).

I got to bed in the red zone still, but about an hour earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 3

I woke up after 10AM.

After a bit of the usual, did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 20 W-extensions with EC. Very doable. Still stuck my desk at least once, but never dropped/stopped for this.

Last, Chapter 29 of the AoP. First part was some travel - 15TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, in one go.

Second part was a very doable cardio workout, done at Level 3 (15 sets, 1′ rest). Enjoyed doing the jumping jacks. Worked up a bit of a sweat, too.

Last part was 100 climbers, specified in one workout. I did this in one go. Pretty manageable work, for current level of fitness.

Spent most of day chatting and the usual. Did make dinner, but I was so out of it due to med lapse that I did document a pretty bad BFRB spell. (Microwave situation not helping matters.)

I managed to get to bed in the yellow zone, tonight. Partly in consideration for me needing to be up earlier enough to prepare for tomorrow’s appointment.

Feb. 4

I woke up after 10AM.

Spent some time logging and preparing notes for my appointment today.

Then, I only got in today’s DD for exercise. 50 plank leg raises with EC. New formatting choice on DAREBEE’s side made me wonder if I should do 25/25 or alternating - chose to do the latter.

Then went to my psych appt. It was kind of a mixed experience that I don’t feel like getting into.

After some of the usual... another family blow-up occurred. I lost all motivation/energy to WO. Yeah, not going to get into it over here... vented on the personal twitter enough.

I got to bed in the green zone. I felt like shit.

Feb. 5

I woke up around 7AM, today,

Had a dental appointment to get to. Which went alright. Nice to swing by the Starbucks afterwards, before getting taken home.

Was exhausted enough by the time I got back to take a nap for a couple hours.

Went into my exercise after that and a small snack.

First, today’s DD. 50 jumping jacks with EC. Very doable work. Would be tempted to do more, but I had a brutal workout ahead of me to be contending with, today.

Last, Chapter 30 of the AoP. First segment of things was traveling again. 57 TP. Done at Level 2 as high knees. Split this into 17+4(10).

Workout proper kicked my ass, but I still managed to get through Level 3. Probably the least fun and most dodgy aspect to it was the jump knee tucks part. I pulled in my planks for transitions with a jump, but mixed it up between stepping/jumping out into planks. Mostly to moderate intensity levels a touch - especially some sources/loads of impact.

Opted to pick the option to continue the story.

After that, made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Za’atar crusted grilling cheese with sumac roasted veggies and couscous. I liked this pretty well, first time I’ve tried sumac before. I’m kind of proud of myself for thinking of cherries/plums when I tasted that spice (as it turned out that those were related fruits.) Probably coulda went a bit easier on the overall oil usage and grilled the cheese at a lower level (to have better integrity).

I spent rest of night on the usual stuff. I got to bed barely into the red zone.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #family shit/#(honestly? most of this week sucked for me... bleh...)

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mavmax · 4 years ago

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Doomsday | Self-Para

When: Last Thursday

Where: Around Santa Monica

Warnings: Panic Attack (no it wasn’t Maverick. DON’T COME FOR ME)

Featuring: Lexa Maxwell

6am - 7am

Thursday started out like every other. Wake up at 6am, head to the gym, workout, head home, hit the showers, and eat breakfast watching TikTok while the news plays quietly in the background. Normally, he didn’t pay attention to the news but his parents, especially his dad was particularly on his ass about hearing about Maxwell Energy’s stock spiking again. With that money, he could use that to anonymously fund his favorite pizzeria. The cogs in his head were slowly beginning to turn as he took another bite of his honey nut cheerios.

8am - 12pm

A fifteen minute drive to UCLA from Pico wasn’t bad around this time of day. Time passed by while listening to his favorite radio show, the talkshow hosts roasting each other and egging on Gossip God as today was the infamous Thirsty Ask Thursday. Many residents of Santa Monica sat at the edge of their seats, but Maverick, personally didn’t care what was said about him. Even the worst of rumors, he’d taken head on with a smile on his face...much to his sisters’ chagrin.

Arriving to class on time was a bonus at least. Sliding into his seat and his glasses resting on his nose. He had zoned out a few times while taking notes, mostly thinking about the weekend. Basketball game Friday, hang out with the boys Friday night. Mom’s chemo was Saturday morning, followed by Maxwell Energy’s congratulatory luncheon for Lexa’s first year as CEO. He had bugged Lexa earlier about throwing a party but she fought back saying she wasn’t going to brag in the middle of a crisis--whatever the hell that meant. Sunday was meant for relaxing, although knowing his parents it would mean brunch with the family before he could actually relax. It was a lot.

The hours seemed to have droned on until his final class from 11-12:30pm, except there was more bustling in the class than usual. Everyone had their laptops out, one side taking notes, the other side anxiously waiting for none other than Gossip God to make his weekly appearance on The Santa Monica Times page. Maverick remained focus on his notes until the green circle began to appear on the right side of everyone’s laptops signifying that Gossip God had been awakened.

There were occasional whispers among students while the professor attempted to teach the best she could, knowing that people would be more focused on gossip than the actual class. Maverick gave his professor props for holding it together, which is why he was hyper-focused on his work until someone nudged him to look on the right hand side on his screen when he suddenly saw pictures of Eric and Soo-Yun plastered all over the site. He could feel his heart drop to the very bit of his stomach.

“Eh, it’s fair game,” Mav whispered with a pout. Everyone around him was rather shocked at his reaction. Not at the fact that he was pouting, but the fact that he wasn’t seething. Raging. Incredibly angry, hurt. Instead, it was just a pout. Like a kid not getting his way at the store because his mom said no. It was simply that.

1pm

Maverick was headed home after grabbing some lunch on the way when his favorite radio station was reporting Gossip God’s Thirsty Ask Thursday posts that were coming up. Some were comical, others were...not. He hoped those people were thick skinned or had one hell of a support system for the shit that was being said. Before he was headed to the exit, his phone began to ring. It was Flo, Lexa’s receptionist.

“Talk to me,” Maverick responded with a smile.

“Mr. Maxwell--I mean--M-Maverick, I-I’m sorry to interrupt you right now, but is there a possibility you can come to the office right now?” Her voice was in a hushed whisper.

“Yeah, what’s up?” He asked.

“Well, um...Miss Maxwell...she--” She trailed off when there was the sound of a loud thud.

“Oh. Say no more. I’m on my way,” Mav added.

“Thank you, please hurry!” She quickly said before hanging up.

Maverick shook his head. He saw this coming a mile away but he had to have a stubborn ass big sister. He had to go in as carefully as he could otherwise he’d probably lose his own head. He shot a text to Izzy to keep her in the loop about everything and warned her to stay her ass off any social media for the next 48 hours with how everything was going.

1:30pm

As he made his way into the office, he practically bounced in, already clearly having gotten over the ordeal that one of his best friends was messing around with his crush, but it was what it was. He was attractive, he was smart, and athletic, he wasn’t going to dwell on that shit and get all bent out of shape, for what? Lexa on the other hand...it went deep for her. She and Eric had this special bond, but...it looks like she was too late, or maybe he wasn’t into her like that and she misread it. On the upside, their dad wasn’t in because it was their mom’s doctor appointment and Lexa’s floor was just her and Flo. Flo wasn’t a snitch, thank god.

Flo’s face brightened up.

“Maverick, how great of you to have made it! Miss Maxwell’s right this way,” She said quickly.

“How’s she doing?” He asked curiously, trying his best to peek through the blinds, to no avail.

“Between being worried about your mother and...whatever was said on Gossip God, badly,” She said with a soft sigh. After Lexa’s revelation, he promised to keep it a secret, but one thing he knew was that this was Lexa’s mania acting up.

“Don’t worry about it. The whole thing’s been pretty stressful, I think Lexa’s just taking on too much, you know?” He added. “Are there any meetings that she needs to attend?” He asked curiously.

Flo looked at her screen and then said, “She’s got a 2:30 and a 4pm. Shall I cancel those for her?”

“I’ll go on her behalf. She’ll have the rest of the day off and tomorrow as well,” He reassured the woman with a smile. Flo nodded, seeming to relax at his reassurance.

He entered his sister’s office to see her with her head down and her phone with a spider-webbed crack. He sighed, shaking his head.

“Lex,” He began carefully. “Hey,” He nudged her and watched as she lifted her head, mascara streaming down her face.

“It hurt that much, didn’t it?”

She shrugged, going to reach for tissues to wipe her eyes.

“I thought I could keep it together with mom and work, then this happened and I couldn’t control the surge of emotion,” She sighed.

“You need a break,” Mav began before Lexa interrupted him with,

“I need to get through the rest of these meetings.”

“Alexandra. You need a break before you implode on yourself. Sometimes all great leaders need a break. You’ve busted ass this past year. You deserve it,” He said with a wry grin. Lexa glared at Mav for a moment before relenting.

“You need a hug?” He offered

“No,” She said with a grin. “But thank you, Maverick. I do need a break. I also need wine.”

“Is it about-”

“We’re not going to even mention it.”

“Bet.”

5pm-7pm

Maverick playing boss for the day was weird. Sure, he knew everything that parents and Lexa had taught him, but it was always weird to sit there and talk to these hot shots and watch them all look at him up and down, surprised to hear him knowing his shit. Hell, it was exhausting. He couldn’t even imagine how Lexa dealt with that shit as a woman.

Finally, he made it home, crashed on his bed as his phone began to blow up between Gossip God alerts and friends reaching out to ask him if he was okay. Frankly, he was fine, despite taking a bit of an L, but you win some and you lose some. After ordering pizza because of the lack of willpower to cook, he scrolled watching some horrible pieces of gossip rolling in about his hyungie, Sunwoo and his friends Kian and Jae-Sang.

“Jesus, GG, can you let up on those three for once?” He mumbled to himself.

To add insult to injury, Ivy, his friend AJ’s sister was also heavily involved, they even threw in AJ and Lydia as well. This Thursday was particularly brutal for a lot of people. All he could hope was that everyone was okay. He wasn’t going to message anyone seeing as how, it was bad enough that their business was aired out for all of Santa Monica to see, but he did want to let everyone know that he would be supportive for them and so, he took to twitter to make known his stance.

@MavMax: My friends names must be candy to @gossipgod, but beware bc those names will rot those pearly whites of yours.

@MavMax: My money’s on Jae-Sang & Kian to whoop @gossipgod #JustSaying

@MavMax: Shout out to the realest ones out here hustling. @gossipgod’s just jealous for wasting his youth on talking shit about his peers.

@MavMax: RT:@AJSiciliani: “All talk no action” @gossipgod

And with that, Maverick left his phone off to the side and tuned into Netflix to watch Bridgerton, and finish up his homework for the rest of the week.

#sp

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wildlyminiaturesandwich · 5 years ago

Note

How did you become an EA Game Changer? What are your responsibilities?

I put in an application the last time they were opened to Tumblr creators. I think back in the day people used to be asked individually, like actually sought out by the CM (Community Manager) but these days you wait for applications to open in your preferred platform and then apply. Then the CM (SimGuruFrost) goes through them all and picks somewhere between 20-40 people to invite all in one big group.

We don’t really have “responsibilities” per se, more like… obligations? No that sounds like we’re forced to do stuff, which isn’t the case. I can’t think of the word at the moment, it’s almost 7am and I haven’t slept yet so my brain is a lil fuzzy. It’ll probably come to me in about an hour when i’m juuuust about to fall asleep lol

I think there are a lot of assumptions about the Game Changer program that are so far off base but that keep being spread around so people assume they’re truth, so I’ll see if I can clear thing up a little. I’m gonna put it under a cut because it might get a little long lol

Basically, to put it as simply as I possibly can, we get early access to upcoming packs in exchange for honest reviews.

Kind of like what publishing companies do when they send out ARCS (Advanced Reader Copies) of their upcoming novels to be published. A lot of companies use this method to not only get feedback on their product but also to create “buzz” about it.

So, to go a little more in depth (or as much as I can without breaking NDA lol), we get early access to upcoming packs a couple days before the pack is released and depending on the pack and how dates line up we get anywhere between 24-48 hours to check out the pack and produce content for our respective medias (YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter, Twitch, the gallery etc) before embargo lifts 24 hours before the game releases and we’re able to share said content.

24-48 hours isn’t a lot of time, especially when you have rl stuff going on like jobs, kids, family etc and we often get quite short notice before early access starts which can make it a bit difficult to schedule everything around that time, so no one is ever under any obligation to produce content if they don’t have the time. If you hear a Game Changer say something like “I have to get this done before embargo” chances are they’re like me and the pressure to produce content is purely coming from themselves lol This time around with Realm of Magic the dates and the patch worked out to where we got four whole days of early access and it was SO nice not to rush to get stuff done!

We’re strictly under NDA (non disclosure agreement) during early access meaning we can’t talk about any of the new content with anyone outside of the network until embargo lifts. If we do, we’ll be removed from the program. Same goes for anything that’s ever said to us by any of the Gurus about new and future content (which doesn’t happen as often as people assume); it’s all strictly under NDA and we’re not allowed to tell anyone about it.

The only thing we’re actually 100% required to do with early access content is mention that the early access opportunity was provided by/made possibly by the program and include the Game Changer logo. For anyone who makes videos, it has to be said and the logo shown within the first 5 seconds of the video, and for us Tumblr people it just has to be said on the first post and the logo shown somewhere on each post thereafter. Pretty easy to remember and not hard to do.

Other than that… the most common misconceptions about the program are:

We’re paid by EA

Nope. The only “payment” we get is game codes in exchange for reviews.

We HAVE to give positive reviews to make EA look good

Nope. Clearly whoever thinks this hasn’t been paying attention ‘cause I don’t know a single one of us that gave Moschino a positive review lol I can only speak for myself here but my reviews are all 100% honest and my own opinions. If I say I liked a pack, it’s because I genuinely liked it, I gain nothing by lying so why bother?

We know about future content well before it’s release (eg, we know all of what’s coming this year)

I WISH! No, listen, this is so not the case. We get told about new packs literally like 24 hours before the official announcement, sometimes not even that, sometimes we find out at exactly the same time as everyone else.

We are actual Game Changers

Nope. The name of the program is actually super misleading because we don’t change the game at all. We have no say whatsoever about what goes into the game (or what gets left out “accidentally”). We can make suggestions directly to the Gurus, we report any bugs we find during early access, but they’re purely just suggestions and the bugs are never fixed before release because there isn’t time. We don’t test the game for EA (lets be honest, if we did, there’d be far less bugs going out in the live version LOL)… we really don’t change the game in any way, shape or form.

That’s about it! Once the new pack is out in the world for everyone to experience, you just got back to your normal activities until the next pack comes out. Some of the Youtube and Twitch Game Changers are lucky enough to be invited to things like SimsCamp, EA Play or launch parties, but Simblr Game Changers never get invited to events so nothing really changes too much for us lol

So yeh! There’s no real “responsibilities” to speak of, it’s pretty much just reviewing packs slightly early, keeping your mouth shut if you’re told about new/future stuff and create what content you can for said stuff when/if you can! So hopefully that cleared some things up 😊

#SandwichAsks #EAGameChangers #TS4RealmOfMagic #Anonymous

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shawnmendesprefs · 5 years ago

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Game on, Mendes (s.m)

Author’s Note: Hiya, this is my first time writing for Shawn and not 5SOS lol so hopefully its not trash and this turns into the first part of many for this little concept. We are happy to take requests on this account or over on 5sauceprefs so don’t be shy ;) Hope you love it! xxx

Summary: you wake up naked in an unfamiliar hotel room, only to realise that you and Shawn have just started a game that you were both set on winning.

Word Count: 1.7k

You opened your eyes to the sun beaming in through your hotel window, your head was pounding and the little alarm clock on the bedside table was telling me that it was only 7am. Why were you even awake?

Sighing in frustration, you yanked the big comfy blanket further up your naked body and shut your eyes to try and go back to sleep.

Wait. Why were you naked?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

There are only two possibilities here. One, you got so drunk that you couldn’t be bothered to get changed in to your pyjamas. Which may or may not have happened before. Or two, there is someone else next to you in the bed and you did the naughty. Which, again, may or may not have happened before. Although, if it is one of the two, hopefully its possibility one.

You felt your heart beat start to get faster as you slowly rolled over in the bed, your eyes still closed because you were way too scared to actually look. What if you open your eyes and there is actually someone there? Not to mention how literally screwed you would be if paparazzi caught you and mystery dude together, leaving the after party or even entering the hotel lobby. Everyone knows that if any girl and guy is seen together, they’re automatically a thing so, you know. Your manager would 100% hang you by the ears off a clothes line if you were ever spotted deviating away from your perfect image to the public.

After your internal mental breakdown, you must have stayed as still as you possibly could for what felt like at least 10 minutes before you finally got the courage to quickly open your eyes and reveal the truth of your naked body.

Oh. my. god.

You had done it again. You must have gotten so drunk that you don’t even remember any of the events from the previous night. Well, not much after presenting an award at the EMAS to Shawn Mendes, the absolute dream boat, and then leaving to attend Post Malone’s after party anyway.

I mean, it’s not really your fault that all your favourite people were there and that the cocktails were literally on tap. Strawberry Mojitos, tequila shots, you name it really. Turns out though, that you probably should have toned it down a bit.

There was someone else in the bed.

You couldn’t see much of him except for his dark brown curls and his toned back as he was facing away from you. Your cheeks started to get hot as you realised that you probably had sloppy drunk sex with whoever this mystery guy is. Screaming.

Moving as slow as you could, again, in hopes that you didn’t disturb this guy’s sleep, you sat up so that you could peak over and hopefully recognise his face. His hair was kind of longer on top, his jawline was so sharp it could probably cut you and he was super-hot even when he was fast asleep.

As you moved your face a little closer to his, for whatever reason you deemed appropriate in the moment, you accidentally screamed when his eyes shot open and stared back into yours. Yes, screamed. High-pitched, may have just seen a ghost, screamed.

It was Shawn fucking Mendes. You couldn’t help but mentally high five yourself, you go girl.

Without even thinking, you rolled out of bed and started to pull back on your dress from last night. In the process, you had realised that this was not your hotel room but probably Shawn’s as there was a big black suit case with clothes sprawled everywhere in the corner of the room. Your suitcase was white and your room was SO much messier than this. You’re both totally staying in the same hotel though, thank god because now doing the walk of shame wouldn't be so shameful after all – as long as no one spotted you.

Next to your phone on my nightstand was your clutch and your room key, so you quickly swept them up and made a bee line straight for the door, but of course, the stupid thing had a lock on it.

Fiddling with the turn-style look, you went to yank the door open only to have it slammed shut from behind you.

You turned to see Shawn who was trapping you between him and the door, his hand pressed against the door behind you.

He had a very amused look in his eyes and a stupidly attractive smirk on his face.

You had to remember to close my mouth to stop myself from drooling over his naked torso, his bottom half only covered by a pair of white Calvin Klein’s. You still can’t believe you had sex with this guy, you, the Victoria’s secret model, who actually had a secret now because you had seen the Shawn Mendes naked amongst other things.

Despite being quite proud of yourself, you never do this kind of thing. Sure, it has happened maybe once or twice but usually your schedule is so busy that you don’t even have time to sleep. You’re always travelling for work, and when you’re not on set for a shoot or walking a runway, you’re usually tucked away in a hotel room studying or writing assignments for your university degree. You’ve have been modelling with Victoria’s Secret for two years now, and most recently you’ve scored gigs with Tommy Hilfiger, Chanel, and even Coach. You’re pretty much an angel in the streets, and usually an angel in the sheets. But, as you said before, last night was just too good to pass up.

“Going somewhere, Babe?” Shawn teased, making you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, obviously. Could you maybe step away from the door so I can go back to my room?” you replied which for whatever reason made him laugh a little.

“C’mon babe, at least let me get your number” Shawn winked.

Okay but seriously this guy is so sexy.

“If I give you my number, will you let me leave after that?” you questioned, making him grin as he nodded his head and handed you his phone. You opened up the contacts, typed in your number and saved it in his phone before quickly handing it back to him. Without another word, you opened the door and headed down the hall towards the elevator so you could go die of embarrassment in the comfort of your own hotel room.

“I’ll see you for round two tonight, princess!” you heard Shawn call, just as the elevator door shut.

What the hell have you gotten myself into?

------------------------------------

It has been two days since your little encounter with Shawn and you hadn’t heard anything from him since. He had followed you on Instagram and Twitter but that thankfully went unnoticed by both of your fan bases. There also hasn’t seemed to be any paparazzi shots surface so you’re very grateful for that because as a result, your ears are still intact and your wonderful manager Krystal has no idea.

Admittedly, you did stalk his socials and both of you are still in Spain for the time being. He’s performing here tonight, and you have a shoot with Vogue Spain in the next couple of days before some much needed time off.

You were currently sprawled out on your towel at the beach. The sun was shining down and this dose of vitamin D was exactly what you had been craving. You had your air pods in your ears blasting some Khalid and a fat tub of cut up fruit next to you to snack on because you were literally hungry 100% of the time.

It’s a hard life having what seems like multiple stomachs to fill.

Trying to stop yourself from falling asleep, you rolled over on to your stomach and picked up your phone to reply to some comments on Instagram. Before you clicked on your most recent post, you quickly took a photo of your legs with the beach in the background and uploaded it to your story. It was a beautiful day and your beautiful followers deserved to see your debatably beautiful legs at this beautiful beach.

Clicking on to your activities page, your comments on your most recent post were blowing up. Why is that? The first was just a photo of you on the EMA red carpet, nothing too special. The second photo in the same post was you handing Shawn his award. Both of you with shit eating smiles on your faces. You had also thrown in the cheeky love heart eye emoji with “what a night” as the caption. So maybe you did know what all the commotion was about, but it was just a little flirt. Sue me.

Clicking on the comment section, you couldn’t help but spit out the grape you had just popped in to your mouth after seeing the top comment.

shawnmendes: it wasn’t just the award I scored that night ;)

Okay. It’s official, you were so screwed. And not just literally. Maybe your ears weren’t as safe as you thought they were, Krystal was going to go crazy and you were going to end up on a clothesline in Spain somewhere.

Shawn just pretty much told the whole world about the night you’d spent together and for some reason, after putting the grape you were about to scoff down back in to my mouth, you could not wipe the smile off your face.

You really were trying to keep it cool, act as if him not reaching out wasn’t phasing you but who were you kidding. After you got over your lovely hangover, the night that you and Shawn spent together came flooding back and you’re almost certain that you hadn’t stopped thinking about it since.

After you liked Shawn’s comment on your post, you debated with yourself over whether to actually reply or not. You could already hear the stupid rumours circulating, and you could already quote some of the hate tweets that you’d start to receive.

Fuck it.

Y/Nstagram: @shawnmendes what happened to round two?

Game on, Mendes.

#shawnmendes #shawn #shawnmendesprefs #shawn mendes preferences #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes x reader #shawn fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes blurb #sm #shawn mendes one shot #5sauceprefs #shawn mendes prefs

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caroline18mars · 6 years ago

Text

A Man On Fire - Chapter 44

“Don't ever do this to me again, because I don't know if I would survive” was the last thing she heard him whisper before sleep finally overpowered her, he just heard her sigh the cutest sigh in reply and then seconds later her deep, soft breathing, hopefully that hangover wasn't gonna be too painful in the morning. His eyes became heavy too, finally he could give in to this motherfucker of a jetlag that had been stalking him all evening, his adrenalin constantly pumping through his veins for hours had worn him out completely, she was safe, so was he, he had more than he could've asked for with her head resting on his chest and her body firmly glued to his, his eyes obeyed his mind and fell shut, let go, give in..the moon threw its' mysterious veil over their exhausted bodies at the closing of this weird, dramatic day. Come on, woman, pick up, where the hell are you? Surely that prick must have left hours ago, knowing you, he's probably being carried onto a plane, crippled or kicked black and blue because you're the wildest cat I know. “..'llo?”, what? it was fuckin' 7AM and that nitwit answered her phone with a sleepy voice? Fuckfuckfuck! “Jared?..hey! uhm, I was just checking up on Harper, is she ok? I was so worried about her when you carried her out of the club..” his voice like honeygold syrup while he kicked the wall in frustration. “Sean..just a second” Jared reluctantly pulled his arm from under her but stopped when she started to stir, nonono don't move, only when she was completely still again, he whispered in the phone “Sean, I can't talk right now..she's ok..really..she's sleeping now and I don't want to wake her, I 'll call you later, ok?”. Sean heard the dry click in his ears, what the actual fuck? Oh she's sleeping, blablabla, she's probably exhausted from the hard fucking you gave her, bweeghh, his stomach squeezed uncomfortably together, she was his and he would get her..eventually..one lost battle wouldn't make him lose the war. “Who..phone..what time is it?..owww” Coco put her hands on top of her head and closed her eyes in pain “owww, my head..”, Jared groaned a little, she was awake, that stupid fucker had woken her, “it was Sean..checking up on you..here..” he turned to the nightstand and picked up the glass of water and a tablet. “I thought you might feel like you do this morning, so here, take that and go back to sleep” he handed her some paracetamol and the glass. She pushed the medicine between her lips and quickly swallowed it before she put her head back down on the pillow, “better already” she smiled carefully up at Jared, “good, I'm glad” he slowly twirled a strand of hair between his fingers and let his lips caress her aching forehead. “Will you just..?” her hand reached for his head and pushed it back down on the pillow as well, stop that Leto “thanks, I was getting a bit dizzy”, he shuffled his pillow a little closer until it bumped against hers, “you're..breathtaking” there was such an honesty in his eyes that she almost believed him. “Calm down, Leto, flattery is not gonna get you anywhere..that's not what it's gonna take, that is not what I need” she whispered “I don't need to hear all that beauty bullshit..that would be selling me short, like all I am is a pretty face to you, nothing more..I mean, think about it, just because you're very easy on the eye, doesn't make you any less of a bastard”.

Ok, time to face the music “true..” he squinted his eyes a little, indicating to her that her words made impact “I just can't take back what I said, can I? It was stupid and totally uncalled for, I wish you would believe me..when you put that knife into that painting yesterday, I felt it physically..I know that sounds ridiculous but I think you're the most talented person I've ever met”. Yeah sure, whatever, she rolled her eyes “the most talented person with absolutely no career.. pathetic? Was that the word you used to describe me?” she huffed but he stopped her from rolling over on her back again. “Don't, Harper..come on, you seem to forget that your paintings was what drew me to you, I didn't even know what you looked like and I couldn't care less, I was just so blown away by your work that I just needed to get in touch with you and buy something, which I never received by the way..” he smiled. She shot up and jumped from the bed, rummaging through some paintings and then returned to the bed “here, all yours” she pushed the painting in his hands “nobody else wants them”. He took the painting and shook his head “they just haven't seen it yet, hang on” he put the painting on the nightstand and took a picture, fidgeting around on his phone immediately after, “what are you doing?” she frowned, “I'm showing it to the world” he grinned as he pushed down on the screen “there! On instagram, facebook, and Twitter” he showed the picture to her, “what? But..I don't want..” she stammered, “too late, I'm not deleting it, it's high time the world sees what a talented painter you are..oh look, the first likes are flooding in..soon you'll be the most famous one of us two”. Harper snatched the phone out of his hands, oh god, he was right, that heart thingy popped up every 2 seconds “what the..?” she breathed as he pulled her between his legs, her back resting against his chest “your career is about to skyrocket, that's what” he kissed the side of her head. “How do I know they're doing it for my work and not because you put something on social media?” she didn't understand much of how social media worked, so far she had managed to stay far away from it after all the horror stories about stalking and screenzombies she had heard, artificial friendships, artificial lifestyles, filters, and all that crap. “Well, you can never be a 100% sure I guess, but it's all about the tags right? #artist #painter #art #HarperCocoRobianoDarby “loveofmylife #talentedasfuck #artsavestheworld #girlfriend #love #lover #mywoman” he rattled with a huge smile “look at all those comments! 'wow Jared, she's so talented', 'it's breathtaking, can we see some more work?', 'is it for sale?', 'I have a galery and want to exhibit her work, where can I contact her?”. Dumbfounded she stared at all the messages on the screen as he slowly scrolled through them “I guess you have your answer right there, it's all about you, not about me, you kept your work hidden for far too long” he pushed a kiss in her hair, “huh? You posted it only a couple of minutes ago..so this is social media..it's scary” she stammered while her eyes whizzed over the screen. “No, it's not, it can be fantastic, like right now..in just a few clicks you're famous, people keep asking to see more of your work, look..you keep saying that I'm only trying to flatter you, but this is proof that it's not flattery but the truth, if others are seeing and saying it too”. He felt her go to jelly in his arms while she just stared and stared, “you were right..and your parents are wrong, they always were..wrong not to see and support all that amazing talent their daughter has, wrong because they are too blind and jealous of their own child”.

Harper finally took her eyes off the screen and turned to look at him over her shoulder “and you? What about you?” she whispered, “Me? I was wrong to say all I said about your career, I still don't know why I said it, it must be to do with jealousy as well..jealous because you're gonna have a bigger and better career than I have or could ever have and you did it all with your own talent, which is something I can't always say about myself” his hand caressed her cheek, pushing a kiss on the tip of her nose. What he said about her parents made her pulse race “I want to believe you..I really do, but jealous? My parents? Of me? Why would they be? They're rich diplomats, and their kids need to follow in their footsteps and be all perfect and conservative, not throw some paint around and..”, he immediately stopped her “exactly..but they have no power or control over you, they've probably never had..and that's something they can't stand..I know, because I talked to them after you had left..I called your Dad and..well, I gave them my honest opinion on whose fault it was that there's such bad blood between the two of you”. Harper's eyes grew wide as saucers, had he really done that or was he just saying that to get back into her good books? It wasn't exactly like she could call or contact them and check! “oh..and what did he say?” she raised her eyebrows, “well..ok so I should probably say that I lost my patience and basically called him a cold, heartless idiot if he denies his amazing, talented, wonderful, creative, perfect child just because she follows her dreams and her heart” he scrunched up his nose “I may or may not have said bastard instead of idiot though..hmm, guess that won't score me any points and I can kiss my invitation to the next family barbecue most definitely goodbye, but fuck that! Someone needed to tell him what was up”. He watched her nostrils flare a little while she stared at him with those big, amazing chocolate eyes of hers, oh god no..she wasn't gonna cry, was she? Coco just couldn't hold back any longer and she let her muffled snigger burst out into a hiccuping laughter. She rolled over the mattress clutching her chest “you didn't, you so didn't” she snickered and flapped her eyelashes at him, oh god woman, drive me completely crazy, why don't you? “I did..I'm sorry” there was a sudden shift in energy when her eyes drilled into his looking up at him. “No apologies needed, none whatsoever..” she whispered, he leaned in, he had to, he just was drawn to her like gravity, before she could do or say anything, his lips crashed down on hers.

Demanding, hot, apologetic, reassuring, this kiss was all of the above but most of all it was..needed, it was time to bury the hatchet, she needed to be with this weirdo, this was THE ONE, she didn't even know what that actually was supposed to feel like, but she just felt it in every fibre of her being. Jared felt her deepen the kiss, thank god, please let this war between her and me be over, I don't want to fight anymore, what she did next, had his skin on fire in a split second. Her hand reached for his face, her warm hand caressing his cheek, only to venture southbound over his chest, their lips still glued together when he felt her hands sneaking into his underwear, cupping the perfect round globes of his butt. Reluctantly he disconnected the kiss and closed his eyes, his face still hovering over hers, “what? What is it?” she tapped the tip of his nose to get his attention, what? He didn't want this? “nothing..it's just..” he didn't even open his eyes, he leaned his head back, “it's just what? Jared” she asked anxiously, goddammit..men! Always so unpredictable. When he felt her shift uncomfortably underneath him, he finally looked at her “I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for yet..I just know that if we keep going like this, I'm not gonna be able to stop..” he breathed. Sweet, stupid, considerate, at times unbearably romantic Jared..”who said anything about stopping? I just want this pent-up frustration and anger fucked out of me, and since I can't do that on my own, you'll need to get to work, Leto, and fast before I change my mind” Harper's hands urgently traced down his shoulders, his chest, his abs, her fingers hooking behind the front of his underwear whilst she bit her lip, and looked up at him with those not so innocent bambi eyes. “God, you're not exactly a hopeless romantic, are you? But that's ok, because I prefer my sex-crazed kitten” he grinned, his mouth got to work and bit her shoulder, pulling the strap of her bra down with his teeth, seconds later his warm, hot tongue circled around her hard nipple, touchdown! God yes! She sighed in bliss while her hands ran through his long hair.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction #fanfic #fic #fanfiction #30 Seconds To Mars #30secondstomars #30 seconds to mars fanfic #a man on fire #chapter 44 #Harper and Jared #Harper Coco #caroline18mars #@callmeasyoulove

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years ago

Text

You & Me - Part Five

3450 words

Callie's POV

Your alarm rang early at 7am, you turned it off and pulled yourself out of bed before making your way to the bathroom to wash and change. You'd decided to take advantage of the gym in your hotel, before grabbing some breakfast and heading to the studio where Niall was due to perform later. He had an interview and performance with Eoghan McDermott which you had to deal with.

The mini bus was due at 9am for you, Martin and the rest of the team.

You ignored the notification for ten missed calls and countless text messages. Choosing to kick the shit out of a punch bag. You were angry with yourself for thinking that you could be anything with Niall.

Seeing Saskia with her arms around Nialls neck and his hands on her, had left you shaking. Not wanting to be seen by him, you had made a quick exit, grabbing a taxi back to the hotel.

You barely paused for breath as you kicked your right leg up high, again and again. Beads of sweat had begun to appear on your forehead and down your neck, your body heating up. After a few more punches you stopped. Catching your breath and taking in the almost empty gym.

You unwrapped the gloves from your hands and wiped your face down with the gym towel. Kicking the crap out of the punching bag always made you feel better. You left the gym feeling a little less stressed about it all.

After you'd showered and packed your small suitcase, you headed down to breakfast. The restaurant was full of crew and some of the band, you greeted them with wide smiles and hellos, before placing your bag down by Martin and heading over to the buffet.

You hadn't realised Niall had arrived until he approached you as you were placing some bread in the toaster.

"Hey, where were you last night?" He whispered.

"Was tired." You replied not bothering to look at him.

"Is everything ok? I tried to call you and I sent a bunch of messages."

"Everything's fine." You replied keeping your voice neutral.

There was a few seconds of silence before you heard Saskia approach you both.

"Ni, it's far too early to come down for breakfast. We should've had breakfast in your room, in bed." She smiled smugly, looking directly at you.

You reached Niall eyes and they were wide with realisation.

"Breakfast?" You queried.

"Yes, we had a late night."

You could've punched that fucking smirk right off her face, but you didnt. You took your toast from the machine and then smiled sweetly before replying.

"Oh I'm sure you did, but what I meant was, I didn't realise you ate like actual proper food. Don't you stick thin models survive on diet coke and thin air?!"

Niall stayed quiet, but his face showed he was shocked by you're outburst.

"Jealous are we?! Bet you'd never be able to get a body like mine?!"

"Not really, I prefer to not look anorexic. And I do love toast!"

And with that you wafted the plate with your toast on in front of her shocked face and walked off. You could hear her having a go at Niall about what you'd said, but to be honest you didn't give a shit. Serves him right.

Niall didn't try approach you again, instead he took Saskia by the arm and practically dragged her out of the restaurant. Taking your seat at the table, you slathered your toast in butter and jam before enjoying every moment of your morning carbs.

No one mentioned your altercation with Niall and Saskia. When you got to the venue you got to work on the set up. Niall was busy doing interviews but you'd seen him trying to make eye contact with you as he walked past you on his way to one of them.

When it came to sound check you made sure that he had no opportunity to talk to you alone. He had messaged you numerous times again but you'd ignored him, not even bothering to read them.

If you were honest, as the day went on you weren't 100% sure anything had happened between them or not. You knew Saskia didn't like you and would do anything to annoy you. However you were still hurt when you saw them together last night. Why hadn't he told you she was coming?

Over the course of the day you went from thinking they'd had raging sex all night to thinking that Saskia was boasting about nothing.

Still, you weren't ready to hear Niall's explanations or excuses.

When the performance was over, Niall went off for another interview and you packed everything up ready for it to head to London. You didn't see him again as he had back to back interviews and you and the crew headed to the airport.

The flight to Stansted was short and within a few hours you were home. Seeing a note from Bex on the kitchen table about how she was working late but would be back by 9:30pm. You unpacked your suitcase, throwing some washing in the machine and running yourself a bubble bath.

Almost 45 minutes had gone by and with your body truly wrinkly from the water, you decided to get out. Wrapping your towel around you, you paused at the sound of someone knocking at your door. You didn't like opening the door this late, even though it was still light out. You weren't expecting anyone so you quietly made your way over to the door and sneaked a look through the peep hole.

It was Niall.

He knocked again and you jumped back at the noise, hoping he didn't hear you gasp with shock.

"Callie, I know you're in there. I saw your balcony door open."

Crap.

Slowly moving away from the door you retreated to the safety of your room. You could hear him asking you to open the door so he could explain everything. You ignored him as you dried yourself off, throwing on some cotton shorts and a top. Taking a seat on the edge of your bed, your mind was running a million miles an hour. Should you let him in? Did you want to hear all the sordid details of last night? Did he deserve the chance to give you an explanation?

Your phone began to ring from your night stand. Nialls name flashing across the screen.

The call ended and you heard him knock again.

"Please Cal, I'm going out of my mind here."

You scoffed at hearing those words. If only he knew how you had been going out of your mind playing over all the scenarios of him and her.

"I'll wait all night if I have to."

You didn't believe him.

Being this pathetic about a guy wasn't something you were use to. You refused to cry about it, however you could feel the tears lingering behind your eyes that you were holding back.

Even though it was a warm evening you climbed under the covers and snuggled up in your safe place. Putting your headphones on and taking your sketch book out, propping it up on your knees.

You didn't know how long you'd been sketching until you saw Bex out of the corner of your eye. Smiling a hello and taking off your headphones you asked her what she had said.

"I said Niall's here."

Your heart sank. She had let him in. He hadn't gone away like you'd thought he would.

You could see the confusion on her face as in to why he was here. And that only got worse when you whispered to her that you didn't want to see him. She looked shocked, you hadn't told her about him yet. She still thought you were just friends and work colleagues.

You shook your head at her expression and held up your hand mouthing the words no.

She knew then that something had happened. You'd been friends long enough to be able to read each other. Her mouth made an oh shape before closing your door and retreating to the living room where you presumed Niall was.

You heard her say that you were sleeping and him saying that was bullshit.

"Please Bex? I really need to see her."

If he did those puppy dog eyes at her she would cave and you knew it. Taking off your head phones completely you laid on your side with your back to the door.

When you heard it open, you just knew it wasn't Bex. God she was such a pushover.

"Cal, please talk to me and let me explain." He pleaded, as he closed the door behind him.

You felt the bed dip as he sat down behind you.

"I didn't know she was going to be there....... She just appeared at the after party........ Nothing happened between us and I don't want it to. I want you Cal ........ I need you. What she said to you this morning about having breakfast in bed, that was just to piss you off. She didn't stay in my room with me."

You stayed silent, listening to his words. Trying to process what he was saying.

"Callie, please." He pleaded. "I don't want to lose you."

You felt him shift and climb under the covers, his chest was flush with your back, his arm crept over your hip and rested on your stomach. Burying his face in your neck, you heard him breathe you in. You didn't respond or acknowledge him at first, a few minutes went by and he remained cuddled up to you, gently kissing your hair, neck and shoulders.

"Callie, please." His voice was getting more pained.

"I saw her all over you at the party." You whispered. "Saw her arms around your neck, so I left."

He let out a massive sigh, almost that he was relieved that you'd finally decided to talk to him.

"If you'd stayed you would've seen me trying to pry her off of me."

You sighed and he pulled you closer to him. You could smell his aftershave, feel his breath on your neck as he snuggled into you.

"She did it deliberately, she posted sneaky hints about where she was. It's all over twitter, tumblr and Instagram. But nothing happened I promise, I'm so sorry that you think it did. Apart from when she turned up at rehearsal that time, I've not seen or spoken to her since I ended things in June. She's text me but I've ignored her."

You really didn't want to forgive him that easily, but if what he was saying was the truth then you needed to. Knowing what a nasty person Saskia was, what he was saying sounded like the truth. But deep down you were hurt by what you'd seen. This was new to you, stuff like this would be never have effected you so much. If this had been Jack, you would've argued with him, had it out with him and somehow resolved it. But your feelings for Niall ran deeper than they had for anyone else before. And right now the fear of that was stopping you from thinking rationally.

"I'm not sure what to think, I need to sleep."

"We can talk when you're ready. Can I stay with you while you fall asleep?" He whispered.

He was still holding you close, his lips close to your ear. Moving your hand down to your stomach to find his, you linked your fingers together, holding his hand close to your chest. You felt him relax and and try and get closer, but he was already holding you as close as he could.

"Don't want anyone else Callie, just want it to be You & Me."

When your alarm woke you the next morning, you realised you were not alone. You had turned around in the night but Niall's grip on you hadn't faltered. Your legs were entangled together and his hand was resting on your bare hip where your top had ridden up.

You slowly reached behind you to turn off your alarm, you knew he would probably wake up and you weren't sure what to say to him. With the alarm turned off, you began to try and gently ease yourself out of his grip. But he pulled you closer, once again burying his face in your neck and hair.

"Not ready to move yet Cal." He mumbled against your neck. "Just five more minutes, maybe ten."

He let out a contented moan.

There were a lot of things to talk about still, but right now lying here with him was the only thing you wanted to do. He was warm and cuddly and you couldn't get enough of him. His lips were placing gentle kiss along your neck and jaw and you let out a long and happy sigh. Reaching your hands up from his waist you ran your fingers through his unruly bed hair.

"Ni........ I have to get up." You whined rather unconvincingly.

"Just a few more minutes, Petal."

"I haven't forgiven you." You said bluntly.

"I know."

His hands had moved around your back and his finger lingered at the top of your shorts, but he didn't move his hand any further.

"Why did you stay?" You whispered, as his mouth still left kisses along your neck.

"Couldn't bare to leave you. You're so cute when you sleep, you snore to."

"I do not snore!"

He paused his kisses and brought his face up to yours.

"Yeah you do! Kind of a low rumble noise."

Your mouth was wide open in shock and massive smile on your face.

"Don't be embarrassed babe, as I said, it's cute."

"It's not cute, because it's not true."

"Whatever you say." He smiled.

He really was adorable in the mornings. His thick wavy hair was a mess, his hooded sleepy eyes barely open. His plump pink lips ............

Before you knew what you were doing, you were tracing your finger across them. He brought them into a pout and kissed your finger.

The smiles were gone from your faces, instead you were both just staring at each other, the connection you had overwhelmed you. Before you could stop yourself, you pressed your lips to his. His body instantly reacted, his hand on your lower back moved you closer to him, before moving it down to hitch your leg across his hip.

Your hands were on his face, in his hair, the desperate need to feel him, taste him. The kiss was intense and you could feel yourself getting dizzy, your senses coming alive. When you paused for breath he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for regret.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, it's only you..... I promise. I've been going crazy without you. It's always been you, always."

And he kissed you again, this time rolling you onto your back, settling himself between your legs. He was hard beneath his shorts, you moaned when he made contact with your centre. You were both becoming frantic, kissing everywhere you could, feeling what skin was exposed. The heat of the quilt that was over you both was stifling, and you moved it down his back as much you could, feeling the slight breeze from your open window.

"Ni?" You moaned as he kissed across your neck and down your chest. "Ni?"

He stopped his kisses and looked up at you.

"Sorry.......I um........sorry." He mumbled nervously as he moved from between your legs and laid next to you.

"I don't want to you to stop, but I have to leave for work in just over an hour. Bex has the car so I have to navigate the tube this morning across the city."

"So, if I were to drive you then we could probably have an extra half hour?!" He replied, smiling.

"Ni." You said laughing and giving his shoulder a gentle shove.

"What? I'm just saying I have my car so can give you a lift and y'know we both need showers."

You looked at him, a cheeky smirk across his face.

"As amazing as that sounds, I doubt Bex would appreciate us hogging the bathroom together! Plus I can't be seen arriving with you."

"Yeah....ok." He sighed sticking his lips out in a pathetic babyish pout. "Just one more kiss before I go though, yeah?"

When you emerged from your bedroom ten minutes later you found Bex sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee in her hand.

"Good Morning! Did you both sleep well?!" She asked with her eyebrows raised.

"Morning Bex, and yes we did thank you." You replied.

"Good good! Kettles just boiled if either of you want a coffee."

"I'm good, I'm going to head off and get showered and changed. Willie will probably wonder where I got to."

"Nah, I told him you were here!"

"Of course you did!" You replied, shaking your head.

She just smiled sweetly.

"I'll walk you out." You said to Niall.

"See you later Bex."

"That you will, Willie is bringing me to your gig tonight. Am looking forward to it."

When you reached the door, he pulled you to him. Your arms instantly wrapped themselves around his neck.

"I'll see you in a bit." He whispered, before kissing you gently.

"Yeah, see you in a bit." You replied before opening the door for him.

With another quick kiss, he was gone.

"Soooo........?" Bex said. "Just friends hey?!"

"I have zero idea what we are if I'm honest." You replied shrugging your shoulders.

"Care to explain what the hell has been happening then? And I want the whole story! With details!"

You really didn't have time for this, you'd got to leave for work. But with Bex telling you she wasn't at work today, and that she could drive you to work. At Willies request she had taken a couple of days off as he had wanted to spend the day with her and head to Niall's gig later. That meant you had time to tell her what had been going on and be in work on time.

You started from the beginning, from when you had walked in on him and Saskia arguing to kissing him at his apartment almost three weeks ago.

"I knew something had happened, you sounded so jittery and flustered on the phone." She said.

Then you told her about him confronting you about that night and how you'd admitted your feelings to him.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" She asked.

"I don't know, just embarrassed to. Was worried he might turn around and go back to her."

"And did he? Is that what you argued about, why I found him sitting on our doorstep last night?"

"I went to the after party in Dublin and she was all over him, so I left."

"And what was his explanation?"

"Said he had no idea she was coming and that he'd struggled to get her off of him. She's posted sneaky shit about it all over social media to."

Bex responded by shaking her head in disgust.

You carried on with the story, including yesterday morning at breakfast. Bex had laughed at how sarcastic you'd been to Saskia. "Thin air and diet coke! That's a good one!"

You took your coffee cup to the sink before turning to Bex with a worried look on your face. "Was I wrong to forgive him?"

"No, from what I gather from Willie, since you started working for him he's been smitten with you. Saskia just won't get the hint. He officially ended things with her months ago. Willie had no clue why he was with her especially when she was so rude to you that time and others close to him. I got the impression from Willie that Niall had told her numerous times he didn't want to see her anymore but that she just kept turning up at the same events as him. She likes the association."

"He said it's always been me. That I'm the one he wants."

"I don't doubt it. He was really upset last night."

"I know he was. Look, don't say anything to anyone please?"

She moved closer and wrapped you up in a hug.

"Of course, you don't even need to ask."

Next part

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/182819967228/you-me-part-six

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