#actually anon this has been a therapy session in and of its own and it's helped a lot! my therapist was like

[druidwolf21]

Just saw your Lion el Jonson or Sanguinius question and I say just do which ever ones that make you happy.

Also may I request a Twin Sibling Blank/Pariah Reader x Konrad Curze smut or Sandwiched Lorgar x Reader x Mortarion smut, please. The first one can be about after finally bringing peace to Nostramo the two think it's time celebrate by having their first time together and for the second one both Lorgar and Mortarion having been secretly going to therapy sessions with our reader and somehow the both of them find out they are seeing the same therapist and so both wish to be in a relationship together while sharing reader.

Thanks Anon! It's always nice to have a bit of support when you're writing!

And thanks so much for the request!

I would absolutely love to write this for you!

It's probably not what you had in mind, but I still hope you enjoy it

Lorgar/mortarion/therapist (kinda) reader

CW:smut!

@kit-williams @beckyninja @lemon-russ @moodymisty @jaghatai-khock @kit-williams

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Your eyes raised from your work as you heard the door to the office open and close with a quiet click. Laying your cleaning rag aside, you rose to your feet and peered over the desk cautiously, eyes softening as you saw who had entered.

"my lord Aurelian, you gave me a scare, I'm sorry I didn't know you would need this room, I'll finish up and be on my way"

The primarchs stood before you, resplendent in robes of word bearers heraldry, intricate amber threads of holy scripture woven into the flowing silken gambeson. His hard eyes softened as they found your small figure and he wove his way around towards you, seating his large frame on a chaise lounge as he followed your movement with a lilac stare. He patted the cushion next to him and gestured his head.

"actually, I was hoping to find you. join me?" He questioned softly.

You threw a soft smile towards your lord as you perched in the edge of the seat. It was not uncommon for the colchisian to seek out your company and ear. He had found you to be a quiet listener and a sound advisor on matter or a more personal nature. He spent a lot of your time together relaying his childhood on colchis, the abuse at the hands of its priests, and the fervent beliefs that carried him through dark nights. In turn, you provided words of comfort and perspective he had not found anywhere else, easing the burdens on his mind as he listened to your soothing tones.

"of course, my lord, I am at your disposal"

He fidgeted slightly as you sat, his large fingers intertwined together before separating and fiddling with a loose thread on his tunic.

"I have a question I would ask of you, though I beg your answer be of your own thoughts and not one of duty"

Your frowned slightly, brows furrowed as you opened your mouth to speak, before the sound of the door opening again drew your attention.

The soft swishing of robes and the scuffing of boots heralded the arrival of another.

Mortarion, primarch of the death guard cast a long shadow across the room as he glared at you seated beside his brother. His ashen skin almost lucent in the dark light of the study.

"Lorgar" he growled, eyeing the priest suspiciously as he stalked slowly towards the edge of the seat, sea green robes sweeping the floor as positioning himself behind you like a jealous guard dog. "I need this serf, I will return her to you later, should you need her"

Lorgar shook his head, not moving from his seat as he eyed his sibling with equal distrust. "Alas, brother, I have a need of her also." He leaned forward slightly, threading his fingers into a peak. "She has provided comfort to me and I am in need of her perspective"

Mortarion eyebrows shot up towards his brow as he heard his brother's words. "Perspective from a baseline Lorgar? How you have lowered yourself" he sneered, leaning forward, unwilling to admit he has come for the exact same reason.

Lorgar's burnished skin flushed with rage as he purses his lips, biting back a snide he response, he quirked a brow quizzically a the shrouded giant.

"and pray, mighty death guard, what do you seek out the little serf for?"

You raised your hands at the lords, placating their rage with gentle movements as the air between them seemed the crackle with tension.

"my lord please! Do not allow me to be the cause of a petty squabble, I am duty bound to aid however I can, please, I beg you, let us discuss this sensibly! My ear is not so limited I cannot listen to you both"

"but, my lady, I do not just want your ear"

You blinked slowly as Lorgar's hand stroked your thigh, his touch sending goosebumps across your body. You eyes trailed from his grip to meet his face, his eyes dark as he lent down towards you and gently brushed your lips with his own as his other hand slid up your neck to your chin, holding your head up as he pressed into you. You felt yourself go limp in his touch and sighed into his kiss, your own hand moving to cup his cheek as he depends the touch, running his tongue along your lip and humming as you parted them allowing him to taste you.

Your thumb ran across the intricate tattoos on his face as you sucked his tongue, earning a groan from the man and a tight squeeze of your leg at your action. You pulled away from him and smirked slightly, relishing in the way his eyes fluttered open and his lips parted in a pant as you withdrew. Your gaze trailed across his skin, almost bronze under the harsh light and flushed from your touch. His eyes, violet and bright as amethyst, bore into your own as he blinked at you slowly before casting his sight to something behind you. You barely registered a lithe hand grasping your chin before your head was turned and another set of lips smashed forcefully against your own, cold fingers firmly gripping your jaw as his mouth worked against yours. The touch was rough in comparison and you gasped as the new hands roughly handled you, twisting in your hair and tangling in your clothes. Your head was roughly pulled back as mortarion' s burning stare devoured you.

You lent back against the leather sofa, looking between the two men breathlessly.

"my lord, I really don't think this is appropriate, a serf is not... Respectable for a primarch" you finally sighed as you ran your hands through your hair.

Lorgar looked away and rose from his seat, palming his hand across the crown of his head as he spun away from you. The gold ink of his tattoos reflected faintly as he paced backwards and forwards in front of you. Mortarion watched him as he moved before turning his amber gaze back to you, a small grimace creasing his lips.

"I don't care" he hissed. Reaching over he gripped your ankles, sliding you down to sofa length ways with a squeal, your head resting on the arm rest as his large hands moved from your calves upwards, pausing before flipping the fabric of your skirt over your stomach. The pale skin of his face flushed as his eyes wandered from your face, down to your panties, lingering on the dark wet patch discoloring the crotch of the lacy material. He sneered as he ran a finger along the slick material, earning a shuddering gasp from you. "You seem to be enjoying this a lot for something that isn't appropriate" he glanced back to the hulking figure who had stopped wondering to watch your interaction unfold.

"I'm willing to share, but if you're too proper to engage in such things, all the more for me" he ran his tongue along his dry lips and continued to press into your soaked clothed cored with a long callused finger, soaking up the sweet noises you made as he pulled the lace off you and lazily rubbed a circle into your flesh.

Lorgar watched hungrily as mortarion's head dipped between your thighs, he saw the way your body shuddered and your chest heaved as the primarch lapped at your cunt, heard the moans and heavy breaths. Your hands tangled in long hair and pushed mortarion's head down as your hips rise to meet his lips.

Lorgar moved his hand down to his crotch, palming his heavy erection through the material as he watched you squirm, lilac eye almost black from his blow pupils, dilated in arousal. He felt something inside him snap and muttering prayers to the emperor and holy terra he stormed forward, towards the end of the sofa where your head rested.

You looked up through heavy lidded, meeting the starved stare of the urizen before his soft hands gently guided your head backward, bending your neck over the armrest before fumbling with his trousers. You gasp as he released his throbbing cock, the thick member bouncing against his stomach as he pulled it free. He took the base of his shaft in one hand, guiding it into your open mouth and stroking your cheek with his other, muttering scared words, blessing the sanctity of your mouth as he slid himself slowly towards your throat.

Mortarion pulled his head away and admired his work, your cunt twitching and soaked from his touch, before looking up at his brother, smirking as he finally caved and took you. Settling on his knees between your legs and lifting your ass to meet him, He dropped his own bottoms and pulled his dick out, jerking his rough palm along his own length before rubbing the tip against your wet hole and admiring the way your stretched and spasmed to accommodate his size, strong digits leaving bruise in the soft fat of your thighs as he held you still.

You gasped around Lorgar, you thin fingers lashing out and squeezing his strong thighs as you felt mortarion enter you. His girth stretching you to your limit as you tried to cry out, finding your voice caught in your throat as lorgar thrust forward, his tip tickling the back of your throat. You felt your brain melting into hot mush as you were filled, mind blank as the primarchs thrust into you from both ends. Lorgar's heavy balls slapping into the bridge of your nose as he fucked your mouth and you ran your tongue along the hot hard dick in your mouth, tasting precum as you swirled along a vein towards his glans, savoring his stuttered groan as his gentle touch found your breasts, pinching your nipples and twisting them, you hummed, allowing the vibrations to reverberate through your mouth into his sex.

Mortarion suddenly thrust hard, demanding your mind return to him, bending you to his touch as he drove into your wet pussy, his limp hair tickled the flushed skin on your stomach as he leaned over, fucking you as deep as he could, you core warm and wet, tightened and spasmed around him as he rubbed against your G spot with each motion.

"all your advice was just words of temptation" he hissed, pile driving your sopping cunt, spurred on by your muffled cries "whorish words to corrupt us"

Lorgar nodded in agreement, swear glistened from his bald head as he slid relentlessly past your lips. "Do not fear, little one" he grunted, his eyes squeezed shut in concentration "I will drive the holy doctrine deep into you"

You could only close your eyes and cry out in muffled pleasure as the titans used you, your body bouncing between them as they fucked you senseless. The knot in your stomach tightening and snapping free over and over as your orgasm ripped through your body with each thrust.

Lorgar's soft voice reached your ears as his great hand found your throat, tightening around it gently.

"accept this from me, let me fill you," he panted, his movement becoming uncoordinated as he neared his end, you blinked up at him, doe eyes hazy and wet from tears as you lathered your tongue around his tip. He rammed his prick against the back of your throat as he came and you gagged as the salty fluid rushed into your mouth, spilling out from your mouth and dripping down your face as he pulled out panting.

Mortarion followed close behind, cursing at you as he felt your walls flutter around him. "Your cunt pleases me as much as your words" he growled, jerking into your erratically as he drove towards his own high "such a good serf, comforting her lords" your pussy righted at his words and he groaned as he finished, spending himself within you as he shuddered, pumping his seed deep inside.

Pulling out, he spread your lips as he watched his cum leak from you, nodding to himself. Stepping back and tidying himself, he stood beside Lorgar as they both looked down at the mess. You lay twitching and heaving, cum leaking from your face and used whole as you shuddered in pleasured aftershocks.

"we have been blessed this day, death lord" Lorgar sighed, signing an aquilla across his chest as he turned to look at his companion, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps, this is an arrangement that could be... Revisited?"

Mortarion shrugged the hand off, turned back to the door to leave. "That would be amendable" he offered, before swinging the door open and taking his leave.

You turned your head at the sound and watched through glassy eyes as the word bearer gazed down at you.

"we should clean you up and offer our praises to the lords for your service to the imperium"

[ailendolin]

was wondering what your thoughts are on the prank alison played on thomas? Cuz on one hand, yeah, it was wayyyyy more harsh than any of the pranks played on the others and was the only one that was deliberately designed to strike him where it hurts especially since she knows about his history with isabelle

but on the other hand, i think she just likes everyone else more than thomas? and who can blame her when he's been disrespecting her boundaries for years. Kitty can be needy but its different with a younger sister type character who just wants affection vs thomas who has been hitting on her for years even though she's very clearly happily married

im not sure where i stand on this

Thank you for this ask, anon! I've actually been meaning to make a post about the prank in 5x01 so this is the perfect excuse to finally get around to writing it.

But before I do that, I just want to stress that my opinion is just that - an opinion. I've been getting quite a few Thomas asks recently and while I do appreciate that very much because I love to talk about him, my interpretation of his character is just one of many and it's perfectly fine if you or anyone else sees things differently. My take on him doesn't hold more weight than any other.

With that being said, here are my thoughts on the prank and Thomas's vs. Kitty's behaviour - long post incoming:

I'm probably in the minority here but I found Alison’s prank on Thomas downright cruel, especially when you compare it to her other pranks. It wasn't some harmless fun - that prank was designed to hurt him, and I think that crosses a line. Because Thomas, for all his annoying habits, for all his ridiculous love declarations and inability to take a hint, has always backed down when Alison told him to. He hasn't stopped altogether (which technically speaking is partly Alison's own fault because of the, "I could kiss you," line and not just his for lack of trying) but whenever she gets fed up with him, he actually listens and shuts up - which I think is something people often tend to overlook.

Also, Thomas's 'love' for Alison is a theoretical thing: something for him to fixate on that is safe because he knows nothing will ever come of it. It's why we only ever see him 'fall in love' with living women who are, by nature, out of his reach. Thomas doesn't really want to be with them. It's why he downright panics when Alison seems to return his feelings in 5x01. He likes the idea of taking a walk with her in the gardens and holding her hand; the thought of kissing her under the mistletoe - the romantic ideal of it. But 5x01 makes it quite clear that he never expected it to become real, and that he isn't as keen on physical intimacy as he sometimes pretends either. I don't think he's ready for the vulnerability that comes with loving someone and being loved in return, and him dying alone and unloved plays a huge role in that. Because that's how he ghosts too. And I don't mean that in a romantic way. Thomas isn't particularly close to any of the other ghosts, not like Julian and Robin are, or Fanny and the Captain. He doesn't have a best friend because he's always the butt of the joke and no one takes him seriously or even pretends to like him. Is it really a surprise he clings to a love that is safe because it only exists in his mind?

That doesn't change anything for Alison, of course. But I'll go so far as to say she never even tried to understand him. The way she treated him when he came to her to talk about his death showed that. If she'd been as gentle and understanding and patient with him as she was with the Captain during the therapy session and actually listened and talked to him, the whole 'love' thing could have probably been resolved early on. But as was mentioned here, there are moments when she even encourages his behaviour and seems to miss his attention. That's sending very mixed signal to someone who is desperate for love, and makes her prank even more cruel. Given the circumstances, it's obviously understandable that out of her ghostly family she likes him the least as you mentioned (I think her listing him as a con for staying at Button House is pretty much proof of that) but it just feels like she's never really made an effort when it comes to him and just like the ghosts, never gave him the chance to open up. Instead, she uses his deepest pain against him with her prank, once again not taking the hurt he felt over his death seriously, and that's just not right.

On the matter of Kitty: it's interesting that you use the phrase "disrespecting boundaries" for Thomas and the word "needy" for Kitty because I'd actually say it's the other way around. People always regard Thomas's behaviour as creepy because his love for Alison is (seemingly) of a romantic nature whereas Kitty's love is regarded as sisterly and thus deemed acceptable and even sweet. But I've actually gone through every episode of series 1 once to note down all the times the ghosts cross lines with Alison and you know what? It's Kitty who does it most severely (along with Mary). The most Thomas does is phase through Alison's bedroom wall once without being invited in and looking through the bathroom door while Alison is showering (where the others are present so this was clearly part of the plan to haunt her for which Thomas, predictably, volunteered). Kitty, however? She's in Alison's bed twice and watches her and Mike sleep another time. I don't know about you but I'd rather have someone walk into my bedroom once than wake up with a stranger in my bed or in my room.

But maybe that's just me. So let's take a look at Kitty's 'sisterly' behaviour. The biggest difference between her and Thomas is that Kitty doesn't back down on her own. If it were up to her, Alison's life would revolve her. She doesn't accept that Alison has other friends (the tantrum at the party Alison and Mike threw) or god forbid another sister. She is very vocally against Lucy from the start and only stops when Alison calls her out on it (which parallels 4x02 when Alison told Thomas to stop - though in that case Alison is merely fed up whereas she is actually hurt by Kitty's behaviour). Kitty demands and expects Alison's attention in a way Thomas never has. He's always been content to love her from afar whereas Kitty inserts herself into Alison's life as best as she can and throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way and often manages to guilt-trip Alison into giving in (the phone call at the party).

Kitty's obsessive behaviour got tuned down in later series but it was there and it was not cute. I found it very off-putting, to be honest, and I never understood why people thought it was cute. Obviously, these are just my personal thoughts and feelings on the matter. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this (cue anon hate in 3, 2, 1...) because they love the idea of Kitty as this young, sweet, naive girl. But I think if you're calling Thomas out for his behaviour (which you should because as much as I love him, he shouldn't romance a married woman, no matter the reasons), you shouldn't ignore Kitty's actions just because her love for Alison is platonic rather than romantic. That doesn't make what she does okay.

[seeingivy]

hii ronnie i’m usually a silent reader (ig my introverted-ness transcends realms) but i had to tell you that i love love love your writing sm!!! i have to split this up to really encapsulate my experience on your blog 🙂‍↕️

my first ever interaction with your blog was when your taylor as gojo post came up— specifically king of my heart and speak now … although you’re losing me has to be one of my faves. reading the series as it came out, it was actually mind boggling to me when i realized you also wrote family rules!!

when bsfob sukuna came out i HAD to read it… are u crazy.. i think i’m most attached to him since i now was so active (reading wise) on your blog and really enjoyed each chapter (might’ve shed a tear here and there) the intricacies of everyone’s relationships and their love … im gonna sob.

now.. onto the past THREE days ! i always saw your posts for method acting but never really got around to it, that is, until this week. i started reading it out of wanting a multi-part story and that i knew i’d love your writing as i have so many times before. when i started method acting.. i couldn’t even put my phone down and stayed up the whole night reading half the story and sobbing every chapter (probably beginning at sick with sadness like everyone..) i had never been so hooked at the ending of “historic wins” like wdym they don’t get married and adopt a cat named gerald immediately … WHAT DO YOU MEAN ..this is SICK work. anyways i finished the rest of method acting within the next two days (much to my dismay…) and now im writing this ! i have NOT been the same i don’t think i’ve been so emotional in a while

im so excited to see what you have in store for dream girl, coffee toji and anything else !!! pls don’t ever feel bad about your writing i swear there are too many of us that WILL gobble up anything you throw at us

side note cause i didn’t get to mention him— casual suguru you will ALWAYS be famous 🫂

this whole post might’ve been spurred on by you saying you feel that taylor as gojo doesn’t do as well (interaction wise) and im here to tell You 🫵 to ALWAYS trust in tayppell as gojo anon and ME (and a bajillion others) to have your back !!

oh my goodness!!!! hello my sweet baby <3333

first and foremost, so flattered that you were willing to take the time to get over the nervousness to tell me what you've thought about my writing/blog!!!! I totally get that because...I literally used to be like that...so I literally take it as the biggest compliment that you even took the time to leave this ask

wait this literally gave me the CRAZIEST FLASHBACK. its actually crazy bc family rules and king of my heart...like to this day are some of the most popular pieces that i've ever written...and speak now was LITERALLY the first time I even ever wrote something so those all make me so nostalgic for that time period when i was fighriung out what it was that I liked to write 😭

oh bsfsob sukuna....so insane but I literally pulled up one of the chapters in comments in my therapy session the other day and she was like okay well...if you can write this why can't you understand it and I was like 😃 this is about my boyfriend sukuna girl shut up....but on the real, that fic is/will always be so special to me because there's just so much of me and my own feelings in there that it literally feels like my little baby of hurt feelings that people relate to and get happiness from and its all types of weird and healing and idk

CAT NAMED GERALD IS SO FUNNY FLKDJSALKFDJSLAKF. gerald kills me bc for some reaosn thats the name of the siblings groupchat that I have like we all just named it gerald and now its been like years of that. no because I actually feel that bc I was rereading it the other day to feel somethind and realized how like...I was predicting some stuff that was gonna happen before I wrote it unintentionally...lIKE I WAS UNINTENTIONALLY EASTER EGGING its kind of insane and that fic is just so comprehensive and whole and I love it so much and I don't think i'll be able to write anything as good as that again

you and taypell as gojo anon are my fiercest riders I fear like I think about IT ON THE DAILY. GOJO AS TAYLOR FANS IM TRYING I SWEAR TO GOD

[cakejerry]

im so glad you can be critical of jk without being cruel i see so many ex-jkks turned jimin solos talk about him like he killed jm with hammers or something just bc he isnt publicly hanging out with him as much and the company favors him like its crazyy to mee.. he clearly doesnt have any direction or identity without his group and hes been spiralling ever since and idk maybe bc im a ancient army who died in the trenches in 2018 and now im kinda back from the dead so the image i have of jk is veeery dated.. but like thats still googie hiding behind whatever hes got going on rn they could never make me hate him !! like obviously hes acting like an inmature teenager .. WONDER WHY .. but i also feel for him bc he molded his personality based on what (RM) his fans told him to be and to see him at his big age say that hes still catering to them in terms of how he presents himself is so sad to me... likee no wonder his version of being himself is doing the opposite of what people tell him to be bro is lichrally stuck at 13 .. also maybe its meee hoping for a redemption arc and getting dissapointed every time he says he for the hundredth time that he wants to be c-word but i can kinda see him trying to be self aware and mature but he has no idea how and hes sooo far behind he should have gone through this at 16 or something, he gets a little close to making sense and then he fucks it up by saying the most delusional out of touch sentence ever and then he makes a finger heart or idk pouts and everyone forgets BUT I DONT !! i remember what you said about your PARENTS when i catch youuuu ..its crazy that the most blank canvas member of bts is kinda the most complex one FOR THE WRONG REASONS and ofc i blame rm he goes on and on with his pretentious rants trying to come off as woke and mature do something for once and book him a therapy session !!!

waitt anon you're literally me I also left them in early 2018 and walking back in a few months ago was wild because they actually massacred my boys like what happened...

but like damn i wonder why this boy who got called 'oppa' and sangnamja constantly by 30 year old women when he was half their age ended up like this. it's like he can't fathom the idea of being cool and manly while also being the maknae.. well we can! we been doing it! he needs to catch up tbh

c-word 💀 "he gets a little close to making sense and then he fucks it up by saying the most delusional out of touch sentence ever and then he makes a finger heart or idk pouts" RIGHT ANON LIKE YOU GET ME he's distracting us because what do you mean "armys are the biggest... even more than my parents..." and then backtracking LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN

'blank canvas' member you're so right for that. company favors him because of that and he just follows aimlessly thinking it was his own idea. like idk, if he had even an ounce of flavor or self-identity he could do something actually revolutionary and interesting, like you want a cool image but you debuted in a hoodie and jeans with a radio hit? does he even know what cool means?

'complex for the wrong reasons' you're so right for that please marry me. he's complex in like a metanarrative way. I can't explain it.

rm catching strays I love it. he really acts like he has all the secrets behind their fame figured out too like bro you the translator c'mon THINK!!

[sttoru]

I'm a writer too, and I just have to say: it's just writing, dear. You're just writing some very good silly things and posting it on Tumblr, of all places. It's just some writing, no big deal here. You might feel like it sucks. But honestly? Nobody cares. It's Tumblr. No one has big expectations for anything here, or they shouldn't have, at least.

(By the way, I don’t mean all of this in a bad way. This is just how I, myself, cope when I feel bad about my own writing. I usually minimise it, try to brush it off, and pretend it's nothing. And it actually is.

I usually feel insecure about posting because I feel like nobody is going to read or like my work. And... so what if they don't? I'm already expecting them not to read/like the moment I post something. So, what am I worried about? Worried about them not reading or liking it? When that was precisely what I was expecting to begin with? If you think about it, insecurity makes no sense.

+You are popular. Maybe not as popular as some others. But you have more than 2000 followers, correct? Imagine a room in which you expose your writing. There are people who come and go, leaving notes on your things (that have a lot of notes, from what I have seen). Some of these people decide to stay inside the room. There are two thousand people who chose to stay in the room and support you. That's actually a lot of people, isn't it? And I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be there if your writing was bad.)

anon im gonna have to tell u here … ☝🏽 u seem like a very healthy person bcs ur coping mechanism and thoughts on this are what i strive to have sobsobsob. . . ik its simply silly little ideas of mine that i publish on a random app, its just that i have anxiety / am anxious about the smallest of things and stress very easily ,, even abt things that dont matter at all (ex. tumblr fics) like i tell my brain repeatedly ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS !!!!! (sometimes it works ngl and i just laugh at myself) but sometimes it still wont listen 😞

as for interactions, most of the time i dont mind if my works get little to no interactions (unless i spent like 4+ hours on a reaaally long fic and get 0 feedback like !!! i wanna improve & know whats good and what not bcs writing has been one of my biggest hobbies since i was very young :<) — what bothers me most is that my english doesn’t make sense sometimes. or if i use a word twice in one sentence. or if i misspell a word and it makes me look dumb— but then again like u said !! so what if people read those mistakes? unfortunately, my anxiety always has me in a chokehold . i try to not take my insecurities seriously and downplay it most of the time but it just comes back again and again,, basically a never ending loop ARUGHH

lastly.. yeah, im gonna try & do what you said and just hope my anxiety reduces with time !

this felt like a v refreshing therapy session, thank u anon ilysm u r an angel :3 hope u have the best day of ur life forever & pls stay hydrated !

[ginnsbaker]

Hi i found it and it was everything omg I don’t even know where to start i have so much to say and not enough brain cells to word it 😂

The first thing isn’t actually about the recent chapter but what other anons have been saying that i actually think is pretty interesting. Would we feel differently if the roles were reversed? It’s honestly hard to say because I did think about whether im sympathetic just because its wanda, and so i reread the whole thing without wandas name and still feel the same way. I don’t think i am sympathetic just because its wanda but rather the way you wrote the character, which ultimately is a testament to your immense talent. I always thought i would never be able to forgive a cheater and your book has made me reconsider everything in a new light. In fact I actually had a therapy session about the fact my ex cheated on me recently and after talking it out i kinda think that had she not have done worse stuff not regretted what she did and just generally ended up being a shitty person once i lost the rosé tinted glasses but im not entirely sure i would’ve left her which is weird to think about cos I don’t condone cheating and always thought I’d never forgive one but love makes us work is strange ways so what i think I’m trying to say is that decision wasnt as black or white as I expected it to be and so i do see readers trouble(although the situation is way different because wanda is regretful about what she did and feels guilt)

I love love love the fact that wanda wasn’t going to text reader which sounds weird cos I’m very clearly a wanda endgame person BUT i have a reason. When my grandmother died earlier this year it was obviously a very emotional and hard time and what made it way worse is the fact the previously mentioned ex messaged me to give her condolences. Now i know the situations are different reader and wanda were civil and me and my ex hadn’t spoke in over a year but it just made everything so much worse for me and to this day I can’t fathom why she thought it was appropriate. Thats kind of why im glad wanda was mature enough to try consider if it was appropriate or not or would it do more harm just a nice little considerate thing from her. It was also really sweet that she celebrated readers birthday in her own way because its still probably an important day for her so baking the cake was really sweet. I kinda wonder if reader will find out about that, maybe overhear something at the cafe because people want it on the menu.

This is super long already and I haven’t really got into the chapter so if its okay with you im gonna send the rest in another ask :)

-🧃

Oh, thank you if you think that you'd still forgive the character in Wanda's place if it were written like that :)

Shit, sorry about that ex of yours. Cheating is so ugly, I want to punch it in the face, but Yeah, same, i used to think cheating is a deal breaker, but the older i get, the more i realize it's quite complicated especially if you've invested 10 years into someone already.

Thank you so much for sticking with the story and for always sending in your thoughts. I don't care how long they are, just keep them coming :)

[smoosnoom]

Lately I've been having a hard time writing anything. I keep having ideas that I think are good then I sike myself out and go "Oh, someone else has probably already written that," which is weird, cause I'd read 500 fics of the same ship in the same coffeeshop!au and not even bat an eye. I don't care if I've read the same trope or setting or idea over and over (I like it, actually) but when I'm the one writing I feel like I have to do something totally unique and I think it's cause I'm worried of being compared to other better writers who just... write better (<- exhibit A) OR worse, accidentally plagiarize someone? Like without remembering that, oh I've already read this before this isn't an original thought at all?? But if it's an idea that hasn't been done before there's nothing to compare. Right. So. Therapy session over.

Do you ever worry about writing something that's already been written? Do you ever check AO3 tags to see if somethings been done before/too much/not enough, etc.? Or are you excited to write something that's been done and put your own spin on it?

Maybe I should do the complete opposite and find the most overpopulated tag and write that so it gets drowned in the others and then there's too many to compare! That's like.. can't beat 'em join 'em or smthin. Yeah.

UUUGH MOOON I knooooow all my ideas are unoriginal but so is everyone else's 1!! And everyone's basic and just wants to see two losers in love hold hands so I should just get over it !! Like I know this objectively but how do I make me feel it SUBJECTIVELY !!

idk, Moon. Today's just not that day u kno

ok . anon . i need u to look me in my eyes 👁👁 and please listen carefully to what im abt to say to u .

Everything Ever Has Already Been Written .

like every trope ever and every idea ever and every dynamic ever and every character ever and everything literally ever .

but uknow what hasnt been written ! these tropes ! by You !!!!!!

the way u write it is what makes it entirely unique . i absolutely worry about the things i write and if theyre even like . special in their way at all or if they even stand out in any possible manner but if u arent word-for-word copying something someone else has written, then yes !!! it will stand out !!!!! itll be something special and unique because its never been written the way u will !!!! that is literally it

so yea if u are worrying so much about the things ur writing and if theyve already been written then yes probably ! humans can only be so imaginative when it comes to tropes and stories but the way u write it and ur narration and turn of phrases and metaphors and adjective and dialogue have never been written the way u will, and thats what makes it good and great and amazing ! thats why people eat up the same au five hundred times !!!!! thats why people will eat up UR writing !!!!! ur going to do it in a way that just gets people going Oh my go d . u know what i mean ?

so yes i worry and i check and i feel absolutely terrible about it . but if i dont and i just feel great about writing Something at alll then it always turns out 1000% better because im not upset abt it ! readers can sometimes tell ur enthusiasm and passion being put into a work, and i think its best if u let it all go and write what ur heart is calling to . that by itself will make it all the special u need it to be

or dont idk im just . trying my best and sometimes it works out ! do what u want write what makes u proud eat what makes u full !!!!! and if u ever need someone to just . hit u with a hammer and let uknow that whatever ur writing is great and fantastic then I Am Here !

today has potential to get better ! tomorrow is on its way with a new beginning !!! u have me cheering u on !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 good luck !!!!!!!!!

[darlington-v]

HELLO YES IS ONE OF(?) THE FELLOW TRANSMASC BEEDUO ENJOYERS, RESPONDING AFTER A MULTIDAY DELAY.

CANT BELIVE THAT HANDHOLDING SHIT.

As someone else who has (on a certain level) like, made that connection, of someone I can be very affectionate with, but am still in the gender closet with for various reasons. I can absolutely understand your impulse and the preassure... a lot of my hesitation is based around a fear of going against some kind of perceived "ground work" in that relationship. And then I get frustrated because in this relationship and others i just would not have to think so much about this and how I present myself if I had just been born a cisguy. I am also just yearning for bro friendships where I'm just perceived as a dude from the get-go, even if I end up acting ""feminin"" or some shit.

But when I think about all the relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to have "skipped over" any of them, even if I wasn't, or didn't start by presenting my truly authentic self. I can't bring myself to regret or fully resent any of those connections, even if in my heart I can't always regard them as 100% "valid" or "genuine" in the context of how I know I was/am perceived and how I present. I dunno, I hope that makes sense, and helps in some way... I guess what im trying to say is, even if I have wishes and yearnings of how things could be different, I still am happy to have had the relationships I've had.... and I know ill just keep meeting new folks and either things will work out or they wont, and that'll be ultimatly for the best...

But hughu its also kinda silly when I think about it, that some internet dudes make me confront and think about all this shit. But it also does make sense too.

I don't know its very hard to explain, feel free to just ignore all this.

yes!!!! i TOTALLY understand this!

it's really frustrating because i would love to seek out other communities and environments that may lead into relationships similar to that of like??? SAME AFFECTION????? but im afraid to put myself out ANYWHERE new because i don't want to be perceived as like... woman-lite or anything. i don't want anyone to have to rethink how they perceive me i just wanted to present in the way that i feel.

similarly to what you said, i don't want to build something on "ground-work" i know i'll have to break down and like. make the REAL ground work pretty much?

and yeah! same! i get frustrated as well because it would just be much easier to deal w/ if i was just. cis. but i don't dwell on that too much, luckily

however i still run into the same issue: (more long winded venty shit below, ur invited to me being extremely vulnerable on the internet have fun)

how can i deal with this and make this easier for myself? is it... achievable even? like! yeah! how can i simply start new relationships with this... pre-established certainty of "that is a Boy! a BONAFIDE boy!" like... not even cis but just.

i struggle with the idea that most people who aren't trans will like... not... TRULY respect my identity? like behind closed doors. which is something i know a lot of trans people struggle with and honestly that is... our own issue in regards to trust. if no one throws and red flags that they don't actually respect your identity, then you really just have to trust that they do.

it's just... honestly putting conditions on like. your trust i guess. PERSONALLY. like im putting conditions on myself such as: if i present masculine then people will respect my identity and assimilate to how i identify, even if i don't present that yet.

which... usually isn't the case? people may take longer to assimilate but if someone is going to respect you, you can usually tell. or i feel like i can.

however. i guess. i want to shortcut the assimilation? but it's unfair to me to just put myself on hold until i don't need to ask people to like. REALLY understand liek HEY. THAT PITCHY MOTHERFUCKER IS A DUDE. because it's hard. and i, in my tiny pea brain, feel like a shortcut would just already be presenting male boy man MASCULINE. however, like i said, it's unfair for me to put that on myself bc that's a LONG time to wait!! that's coming out, getting a new wardrobe, and ALSO getting HRT!! that doesn't just happen in one day.

i explained to some friends that like. sometimes i wish i could just present a certain way and then no one could really ever know me intimately.

and it's definitely not that im... ASHAMED of being trans!! it's very nice and cool! however i feel sad that like... we're still adjusting as a society in terms of like... gender i guess? like... i do not want to be seen as woman-lite by anyone. in any degree. and sometimes you need a deeper understanding of gender to get past like... the weird like. ok he's... he's boy but like kinda not boy??

IT'S JUST. MMM. BEING PERCEIVED AND NOT INTERPRETTED CORRECTLY IS VERY TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT AND UR RIGHT BEING CIS WOULD BE EASIER, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BE CIS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMULATE CISNESS WHILST REMAINING QUEER WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.

however same!!! the relationships i have now i love and i care very deeply about and i feel that like... even though they've known me before i was like "ok masc and he/they" and shit like that, i do feel like they understand like

*points* boy!!

however when it comes to strangers it's so... scary. and like IDK. ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS BEFORE. AND IT'S WHY I WANT TO LIKE? EXPLORE THE COMMUNITY FOR OLDER TRANS PEOPLE. LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS???? how can you just BE OKAY when like... introducing yourself to strangers.

how can you just let... strangers in?

which is also *THROWS THINGS* THE WORST PART!!! I WANT TO BE A CONTENT CREATOR BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!! I WANT MY VIEWERS TO GO BOY BOY BUT THEY WONT BECAUSE I HAVE NO FORM OF PRESENTATION BESIDE A PERSONA AND A VOICE AND MY VOICE IS PITCHY!!! ITS SO HIGH AND PITCHY!!!

and it's frustrating!! because i don't want an audience who doesn't like understand BOY!!! NOT WOMAN-LITE!!!!!!! NOT WOMAN GOING THRU PHASE!!!!!

BOYYYYY!!!!!

TLDR;

being trans is hard and i just don't want to be seen as woman-lite. i want to bee seen as like cis boy but trans. like i think i'd take more kindly to someone being like "omg i didn't even know you were trans!" to like someone infantilizing me and calling me a sweet little boy bean. and thats a lot easier between close friends! even though they have heard my voice and they've listened to me talk about being trans! they understand. and strangers?? have the potential to not. like they might? but what if they dont... and that's. Scary.

[phoneybeatlemania]

I’ve been doubting if Paul truly loved John recently. Like maybe he’s just saying he did or convincing himself he did. This has been troubling me so could you try and convince me otherwise?

Hiya anon! As a firm believer that Paul did love John (regardless of how one interprets the nature of that love), Im very happy to have a go at convincing you otherwise! Not sure if I’ll be able to, but I hope this post will come as some assistance.

Its a little hard to tackle your question given that Im not sure what’s swayed you to believe that Paul only pretends to himself/the public that he loved John—perhaps its just a vibe you get from him, perhaps there’s more reasoning behind it etc.—but here are some things that convince me of his authenticity:

Firstly, there’s the actual breakdown of the relationship between the two. Paul was clearly heartbroken by the bands breakup, and to me, this speaks to someone being personally affected. Its not just that his groups broken up and he’s lost and doesn’t know which direction his life’s about to take, but even more-so in my opinion, its that he’s lost a close friend. He’s been pushed away and out of someones life, and seemingly he can’t understand why that is; he’s unsure what exactly went wrong (“what petty crime was I found guilty of?”). One of my favourite passages written on the Beatles comes from Mark Hertgaards biography, where he writes about The Long And Winding Road, and I’d like to share it cause I always find it rather moving:

…unlike his earlier songwriting persona, McCartney now seemed to accept that life did not always get better. What’s more, his lyrics again seemed to invite the speculation that he was, at least in part, singing to John. “You left me standing here / A long, long time ago” went one especially wounded line. Even more plaintive was the plea, “Don’t leave me waiting here.” But if one listened very carefully to that line, it seemed to be followed by Paul singing in the background, “It’s too late,” an apparent acknowledgment that he and John could never return to the miraculous state of grace they had shared for so many years. […] the dream was ending by then, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put it back together again. — A Day in the Life: the music and artistry of the Beatles by Mark Hertsgaard

But then there’s Pauls own commentary on the subject. The breakup took an emotional-toll on him, evidenced by the depression that ensued for him in 1969:

[The band] mattered plenty to McCartney. He and Linda went off to a farm in Campbeltown, Scotland, where McCartney drank too much, slept late into the afternoons, and then drank some more. He’d always enjoyed a drink or a joint. […] But now, he said, “there was no reason to stop.” He was depressed. “The job was gone, and it was more than the job, obviously—it was the Beatles, the music, my musical life, my collaborator,” he told me. “It was this idea of ‘What do I do now?’ ” — “Paul McCartney Doesn’t Really Want to Stop the Show” by David Remnick for The New Yorker (11 October 2021) via @thecoleopterawithana (x)

—

McCartney has since admitted that he “almost” had a nervous breakdown in the period when it became clear to him that The Beatles were collapsing. From the outside, there appears to have been no "almost" about it. Paul's sleepless nights were spent shaking with anxiety, while his days, which he was finding harder and harder to face, were characterised by morning drinking sessions and self-sedation with marijuana. And so, for him, the beginning of the home sessions for what would become McCartney were essentiallv music as therapy.

“Yeah, I think you're right,” he says today. “It got very heavy. It had been so painful, emotionally, to be splitting up with your mates…” — Paul McCartney via Mojo: The Collectors Series: Paul McCartney, 2021

At other times, he also makes note of how difficult that breakup was for him in likening it to a divorce, of which he’s hesitant to speak about because these things hurt. It wasn't a nice period of his life, and understandably he's reluctant to focus-in too on the times where his relationship with John was fraught with conflicts:

“I always liken [the breakup] to like a divorce, y’know, and you uh…somebody wants to talk about your ex wife and stuff and you don’t wanna talk about it, you wanna take your head somewhere else, cause its been— its painful. It’s pretty painful that, y’know as I say, just the rug being pulled from underneath you. — Paul McCartney on The Today Show, c. 1984 (x)

—

‘It’s just like divorce. It’s that you were so close and so in love that if anyone decides to start talking dirty—great, then Pandora’s box is open. That’s what happened with us. In the end it was like, “Oh, you want to know the truth about him? Right, I’ll tell you.

Obviously, I go over this ground in my mind. I was one of the biggest friends in [John’s] life, one of the closest people to him. I can’t claim to be the closest, although it’s possible. It’s contentious, but I wouldn’t…I don’t need that credit. But I was certainly among the three or four people who were closest to him in his life, I would have thought, and obviously it was very hurtful. […] Actually it was really nice [that] after John died, Yoko was quite kind in telling me that he did really love me. Because it looked like he didn’t.’ — Paul McCartney, interview w/ Anthony DeCurtis for Rolling Stone: The Paul McCartney interview. (November 5th, 1987) via @amoralto (x)

Then there’s his attempts to reconcile with John across the years. It doesn’t seem to me that Paul was only attempting these reconciliations with John with for the purposes of reuniting the band, because he appeared to be doing fine with Wings and his solo career, plus the issue with the group back together wasn’t just between him and John.

So when he’s reaching out to John in the 70s, trying to make amends with him, I doubt it was with the sole intent of Reliving The Glory Days. I think he just cared for John and valued their relationship—and although things were never going to be the same as they were in the 60s, that doesn’t mean they had to go no-contact. Here’s some extracts where he talks about that love he had for John:

“…And then with ‘Dear Friend’, that’s sort of me talking to John after we’d had all the sort of disputes about The Beatles break up. I find it very emotional when I listen to it now. I have to sort of choke it back. I’m not going to cry in front of all you lot though! [Paul gestures to the five of us in the room sitting on the edge of our seats, captivated by the story!] But, for me, it is a bit like that. I remember when I heard the song recently, listening to the roughs [remastering works-in-progress] in the car. And I thought, ‘Oh God’. That lyric: ‘Really truly, young and newly wed’. Listening to that was like, ‘Oh my God, it’s true!’ I’m trying to say to John, ‘Look, you know, it’s all cool. Have a glass of wine. Let’s be cool.’ And luckily we did get it back together, which was like a great source of joy because it would have been terrible if he’d been killed as things were at that point and I’d never got to straighten it out with him. This was me reaching out. So, I think it’s very powerful in some very simple way. But it was certainly heartfelt.” — Paul McCartney on Dear Friend, You Gave Me The Answer - Celebrating 50 years of Wings and ‘Wild Life’ (c. 2018) (x)

—

Well, I’m sure Brian was in love with John, I’m sure that’s absolutely right. I mean, everyone was in love with John; John was lovable, John was a very lovable guy. — Paul McCartney via Linda McCartney: A Portrait by Danny Fields (2000)

—

Sitting beside him on stage, Muldoon suggested to McCartney that what came across in their conversations, despite the occasional “wobble” in the relationship, was McCartney’s love for Lennon. “It’s very true,” said McCartney. “You say that I loved him and as 17-year-old Liverpool kids you could never say that. It just wasn’t done. So I never really said, ‘John, love you mate’ I never got around to it so now it’s great to realise how much I love this man.” — Roisin Ingle, ‘Paul McCartney on loving John Lennon, the Beatles break-up and his Irish family’, The Irish Times, 2021 (x)

But then what sticks out in my mind the most about Pauls relationship with John, is the amount of sympathy Paul had (and still has) for him. Of course there’s things John said or did that hurt him, but he still retains a level of understanding of both who John fundamentally was as a person, and what drove John to do those hurtful things:

I always find myself wanting to excuse John’s behaviour, just because I loved him. It’s like a child, sure he’s a naughty child, but don’t you call my child naughty. Even if it’s me he’s shitting on, don’t you call him naughty. That’s how I felt about this and still do. I don’t have any grudge whatsoever against John. I think he was a sod to hurt me. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and because we had been so intimate he knew what would hurt me and he used it to great effect. I thought, Keep your head down and time will tell. And it did, because in the Imagine film, he says it was really all about himself. — Paul McCartney via Many Years From Now by Barry Miles (x)

This extract from Miles’ biography has always been, and always will be, one of my favourite quotes from Paul. He recognises here that in the past, John did do a lot of hurtful things and did do wrong by him at times. But it’s not an attempted character assassination, because he’s not saying these things with the sole motivation to damage Johns image—he’s saying them because they’re apart of the reality of their relationship. It wasn’t always perfect, and the two by all means had their downfalls, but it was still always underpinned by an affection. 

Whether Paul recognises the severity of Johns mental illness issues is subject to question, but I think he’s made it abundantly clear over the years that he does recognise that John was somebody who was hurting. He was struggling, he was insecure, and that drove him to behave in a way that could be described guarded—but Paul isn’t without sympathy for him. He recognises these issues John had, and it seems he’s been able to reconcile the ways in which these issues often manifested themselves in Johns relationships—through hostility, acerbic wit etc.—with his acceptance that beneath it all, John did care for him.

Within this need to know that he was in fact loved by John, I think we can draw that its a matter of importance because when we love someone else, we want that sentiment to be returned; to love and to be loved:

John had a lot to guard against and it formed his personality; he was a very guarded person. I think that was the balance between us: John was caustic and witty out of necessity and, underneath, quite a warm character when you got to know him. I was the opposite, easygoing, friendly, no necessity to be caustic or biting or acerbic but I could be tough if I needed to be…The partnership, the mix was incredible. We both had submerged qualities that we each saw and knew. We would] never have stood each other for all that time if we'd just been one-dimensional. —Paul McCartney via Many Years From Now by Barry Miles

—

‘When we were younger, we used to swear a lot more…I’ve still had periods when I’ve sworn…It’s bravado, trying to be cool, man. John always had a lot of that bluster, though. It was his shield against life.

He’d say, “My dad left home when I was three, and my mother got run over and killed by an off-duty policeman outside the house, and my Uncle George died. Yeah, I’m bitter.” He told me once he thought he was a curse on the male line of the family because his dad had run away, and then he went to live with Auntie Mimi and Uncle George. Then George, whom he’d really liked, died. His mum was run over after she’d visited him, while walking to the bus stop down the street where he lived. He idolised her. Just having to accommodate all that would make you want to put up a few defences. The point is that most people don’t tend to show their emotions unless they are in private, but deep down, people are emotional, and all I’m really saying in this song is, “Love isn’t silly at all.”’ — Paul McCartney on Silly Love Songs in The Lyrics, 2021 (x)

—

‘[Sarcastically] “you know, Lennon was the hardest sort of guy” John was not hard. John was a baby. A lovely little baby, John was. […] John had one of the biggest fronts—but then if you look at Johns history, father leaving home at three et cetera, this is a boy growing up on his own, so many insecurities, I can totally sympathise. Particularly now at this age, now that I’ve got kids and I can see what kind of stuff does to kids, boy can I see what it did to John.’ — Paul McCartney on NBC today via @sgt-paul (x)

—

‘I mean a song like ‘Help!’, I remember sitting down and writing this with John, and he’d come up with the uh…“when I was younger, so much younger…” and I suddenly realised ‘okay, so we’re talking about an insecurity thing—but this is great, it’s a song!’. And once we’d finished it we were very happy with it, but it was only later when I thought ‘wow, you know what, that was a real cry for help. He really meant it.’ And there were so many things like that about Johns life that, you know I could really sympathise with.’ — Paul McCartney in interview with Howard Stern, 2020 (x) 

—

John was going through a lot of pain when he said a lot of that stuff, and he felt that we were being vindictive towards him and Yoko. […] But we were actually quite supportive. Not supportive enough, you know; it would have been nice to have been really supportive because then we could look back and say, Weren’t we really terrific? But looking back on it, I think we were OK. We were never really that mean to them, but I think a lot of the time John suspected meanness where it wasn’t really there.  — Paul McCartney in interview w/ Chris Salewicz, 1986 (x)

—

That was John; just a jealous guy. He was a paranoid guy. And he was into drugs…heavy. He was into heroin, the extent of which I hadn’t realised till just now.

It’s all starting to click a bit in my brain. I just figured, “Oh, there’s John, my buddy, and he’s turning on me.” He once said to me, “Oh, they’re all on the McCartney bandwagon.” Things like that were hurting him, and looking back on it now I just think that it’s a bit sad really.

[…]

I’m beginning to think it wasn’t all my fault. I’m beginning to let myself off a lot of the guilt. I always felt guilty but looking back on it I can say okay, let’s try and outline some things. John was hurt; what was he hurt by? What is the single biggest thing that we can find in all our research that hurt John? And the biggest thing that I can find is that I told the world that the Beatles were finished. I don’t think that’s so hurtful. — Paul McCartney, interview w/ Chris Salewicz for Musician: Tug of war – Paul McCartney wants to lay his demons to rest. (October, 1986) via @amoralto (x)

Now, I can only guess as to why one might think Paul didn’t love John, but perhaps what you’re getting at anon with saying “maybe he’s just saying he did or convincing himself he did”, is that following an untimely death people are expected to express their love of that individual. And even detracting from PR, if someone were close to dies, we’re probably going to want to believe that we did genuinely love and care for them (because no one wants feel like a complete sociopath). Given that Paul has often paired his commentary on his love for John, following his death, with reflections on his inability and regret about not expressing this to him while he had the chance to, it could be suggested that this is largely just a PR-thing (i.e ‘if he loved him so much, why didn’t he didn’t he tell him that when he was alive?’).

But honestly, I very much doubt that’s the case. I can’t speak for Pauls own experiences in friendship, but I know that Ive rarely, if ever, told my friends/family I love them. It’s just not something that comes up regularly, and it's not something Id feel comfortable saying. And I think that’s the case for most people—I mean, it’s easy to miss those opportunities in which we could have told someone we loved them, because we take for granted the belief that they’ll always be here. We assume they’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that and so on. And even when we do say the things we want to say, there’s still the question of whether it came across clearly or sincerely enough.

There was no way Paul could have ever prepared himself for losing John that suddenly (whereas with someone like George, he was at least given time to reconcile). So it doesn’t surprise me that, to this day, he is so emphatic about his affection for John—especially when we account for the assumption people had from things like Lennon Remembers or the Let It Be documentary which suggested there was only ever hostility between them:

"Y’know, as sixteen year old, seventeen year old Liverpool kids, you could never say that—it just wasn’t done. Um, so I never did. I never really just said ‘John, love you man’, y’know, I just never got round to it. So now, it is great to just realise…how much I loved this man." — Paul McCartney discussing The Lyrics w/ Samira Ahmed, 2021 (x)

—

“I never got to straighten things out like I would have liked to. But ah, what I have to take as my consolation–I’ll take anything I can get–…really the biggest consolation was that the last phone call we had together was really good. It was very warm; we were talking about kids, talking about hats, about his Aunt Mimi, and stuff that I could relate to….he was really very warm. And I kind of realised that even if we’d been bitching and stuff in public we still had affection for each other and I was pleased to know that. And I know Yoko later rang me up and said ‘look, you know, he did love you’. [Paul looks pained and fidgets with his ear.] So you know, you grab anything you can get. I know he did (love me); I know he came close to ‘love/hate;’ any strong relationship’s got that in it, I think. It’s a pity; be nice for everything to be wonderful smooth all the time, but it seems to be life, doesn’t it.” — Paul McCartney, c. 1980s, via @maclen100 (x)

The processes of grief and retrospect I think have encouraged him to value smaller details of their time together, aspects which otherwise could have been overlooked in the face of hostility. Despite the conflicts that developed between the two, love and affection was always there at the very core of their relationship. And in the end, that love is paramount to all else. 

— — —

Anyway, I wasn’t sure how to incorporate some extra things I came across while collecting these quotes, but I thought Id just throw in a little bonus for anyone who loves reading up on the happier side to their relationship as much as I do!:

John’s relationship with Paul always seemed warm and genuine during the 1964-66 tours. If there was any resentment simmering between the two in the Beatles’ heyday, it was certainly disguised. But all the time I spent with the boys touring America, I never witnessed anything between the two of them that even bordered on dislike, mistrust, backbiting, or malevolence. In fact, during the last filmed interview that Lennon and McCartney ever gave together, which I had the honor (unknown at the time) of conducting in 1968, the two of them seemed–despite the rumours that were already swirling–committed to each other as musicians and human beings. — Lennon Revealed by Larry Kane

—

“One of the nicest moments I remember from those years was when John said he liked ‘Here, There And Everywhere’ better than any of his songs at the time—there were those little things.” McCartney, after all, possessed the musical capacity to make people’s hearts sing. Lennon would also have relished the chance to thank McCartney for the love within the music which he gave to the world. He may not have conceded as much at the time, but it was also a pleasure for Lennon to hear McCartney sing. — Come Together: Lennon & McCartney in the Seventies by Richard White

—

“I was very good at sarcasm myself. I could really keep up with John then. If I was in a bad enough mood, I was right up there with him. We were terrific then. He could be as wicked as he wanted, and I could be as wicked, too.” — Paul McCartney, Playboy interview, 1984 via @aceonthebase (x)

—

‘No matter what’s happened, even though John’s dead, I don’t feel like we are ever gonna be apart. I think we’re a part of each other’s lives, we’re a part of each other’s karma, man! And, you know, there’s something kind of deeper than all the business troubles we went through. They were real enough! But… nah, I think through all of that stuff, there was always the John who would put down his glasses and he’d say: “It’s only me.” And that was it, I’d know what he meant! ‘Ya, it’s only Johnny! It’s only Lennon, he’s only having a laugh with us, it’s just a joke, really.’ There was always that feeling that at the bottom of things, no matter how bad it got - fights, sort of slanging matches, or anything - we still kinda liked each other. [Here Today starts playing].’ — ‘In My Life: Lennon Remembered’ interview w/ Simon Mayo, 1990 via @pizzaandfairytales (x) (x)

— 

This performance of Here Today sent to me by the wonderful @royaltyisshe64 :)

—

“I didn’t hate John. People said to me when he said those things on his record about me, you must hate him, but I didn’t. I don’t. We were once having a right slagging session and I remember how he took off his granny glasses. I can still see him. He put them down and said, ‘It’s only me, Paul.’ Then he put them back on again, and we continued slagging…That phrase keeps coming back to me all the time. ‘It’s only me.’ It’s became a mantra in my mind.” — Paul McCartney in interview w/ Hunter Davies, 1981 (x)

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii i love your stuff - could u do one where the readers ill but they have stuff to do and tom has to look after her. maybe if they were just friends before too but both pining? thankuuuuuuuuu

should I be writing this instead of revising? clearly fucking not. Did I make this little blurb req ridiculously long purely to procrastinate? Of fucking course.

but also this was v cute! I assumed u meant famous!reader, sorry if that's not what u were after at all anon x

summary: Tom Holland turns into the readers knight in shining armour when they get ill during promo

warnings: fainting / feeling ill

///////////////////

It couldn’t be today. Of all days, why today? You’d been at home for two weeks doing absolutely nothing, before this trip. And yet it’s when your itinerary is packed to the brim, people moving heaven and earth just speak to you. Two weeks of unrelenting press for Marvels next big ensemble movie. 

Your manager was speaking to you, reeling off a run down of todays activities but instead of listening you nodded along blankly - head rather cloudy with this heavy mist that was not shaking off, no matter how hard you tried. 

“You got that Y/n/n?” Lucy pointedly spoke, eyes almost physically knocking you backwards as if her eyeliner was battery rams. Fumbling with your thoughts, your answer wasn’t particularly cohesive earning you just a disappointed head shake. 

“I um… yeh I think. Who-who did you say I was paired up with?” 

“Y/n please for the love of god. Tom, like I said the past fifty times.” And to be fair to Lucy she wasn’t wrong. It was the first major major promo tour for the both of you and after just two days so far - you were both exhausted. She was more than allowed to be a bit short tempered. 

“But we-we hardly know each other? The chemistry won’t be there and-“

“As I said, I tried to re-jig it but Kevin is of the mind that acting is your job.” Her tone was sharp but as she glared across the opposing seats, in the little mini van Marvel had hired for you as transportation, her eyes softened. Lucy had been so wrapped up in her own stress she may have overlooked quite how gingerly you were sitting. By the time she had arrived at the hotel, your stylist had already managed to half save your ghoulish looking face, with sunken under eyes and tired skin, so it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how crap you were feeling.  “Is everything okay with you?” 

It felt pretty puny to say that the jet lag from flying to Tokyo had been weighing you down further than you wanted, or that the local cuisine top chefs had kindly prepared for you last night wasn’t siting well in your stomach. To be honest, even you thought it was just your body being a bit overdramatic. So in response, you put on your best happy-go-lucky face feigning a smile.

“No no I’m fine, just want to give the best interviews I can and you know…. I’m awkward as hell as it is, then pair me with the most talented actor that I share about two minutes of screen time with…it’ll be interesting.” 

The way Lucy reacted with a weird slow nod, eyebrows furrowed, meant it was quite apparent you had perhaps overplayed that one. Had you not been so over the day before it even began, you would’ve tried again to give a more believable act. But as you were, you turned your attention back out to the bustling streets of Tokyo and the high rise buildings bordering each pavement. 

You didnt have a problem with Tom, far from it in fact. Tom was hilarious and the times you had met him, you’d both built up this weird and sarcastic competitiveness with each other. It was a game of who could get the last laugh, each of you pushing each other with the Mickey taking just a little further. Of course, not in a malicious way, just the way you’d both lived pretty similar but parallel careers - when everyone drew comparisons between the both of you, it was nice to make it a joke. 

Like Tom you’d also started out on stage, had a ‘big break’ movie as a kid and then spent your teenage years on and off film sets - till marvel happened. Then everything blew up to epic proportions, changing your life forever. Actually, it was so similar to Tom’s story, plus the fact you were also from the south west of the UK. It was bizarre your paths hadn’t crossed more - He probably could’ve been a useful ally in the the whole ‘becoming famous’ thing. 

And yet, you could probably count on two hands the amount of conversations you’d had with him. 

Now that, that was the issue. Right from the beginning you learn what the press want and when you are publicising a movie you cater into it too. They’d all be asking for the insider scoop on set; what pranks you’d pulled on each other; what was the most annoying thing about each other. Which is hard if you’d only had 5 or 6 days actually on set together. 

By the time the cab had wormed its way through the Tokyo traffic and you arrived at the PR hotel, it was already 9:30 - making you 15 minutes late (blame it on the traffic). Instantly then you were ushered straight to the interview room for the evening, no chance of green room chat or grabbing a drink before. The place was stuffy, everything was draped with black curtains except the poster board that Tom was already sitting infront of. 

He’d scrubbed up well, no doubt about it. He was wearing statement-ish burgundy suit trousers, teamed with a black knitted but collared shirt thing - that was clearly tailor made for the man. As soon as he noticed you scurry into the room, his face broke out into a warm smile, jumping up to greet you in a friendly hug. It was brief, and as you pulled back you accidentally bumped your head on one of the overhanging lights. No doubt someone had spent a ridiculous amount of time configuring them so they were positioned perfectly, which you had just ruined with your big head. 

“Oh shit!” Tom just laughed in response, shaking his head slightly as he lead you the two steps across to your pre-positioned seats. 

“Making an entrance as always I see!”

“Yeh, you know me, a bit of chaos just to keep everyone on their toes.”

“Oh is that why you’re ‘fashionably late’” With a playful wiggle of his eyebrows, you just rolled your eyes, fidgeting on the chair to find a position that didnt aggravate  your stomach so much.

“I’m ready now though! What did I miss? Just having to pretend to be your friend for 15 minutes?” You stressed the words as though the thought of conversation with Tom was the absolute worst thing in the world - which you definetly didnt think. Scowling like you’d insulted his dog Tessa, it was almost visible how the cogs were turning in his head looking for a comeback. Unfortunately for him though, he was quickly shut up but the organiser bringing the first interviewer in . 

For what would, no doubt, be a long day. 

////

Everything had started off so well, the banter was flowing between you and Tom, no major spoilers revealed that meant Marvel would have to make the journalist disappear. It was once you hit an hour of back-to-back interviews that everything started to crack bit. Because yes, it had only been an hour but that was enough to exhaust you on this particular day. When Tom joked around you got slower and slower, similarly the  energy was zapped from your own answers. It’s not very compelling when someone says ‘you have to watch this movie’ in a monotonous voice with sullen eyes. 

As the interviewers were swapping in and out, Tom actually lightly nudged your shoulder.

“Everything alright? We’re trying to sell tickets and you’ve got a face like thunder.”

“Oh no-no sorry I just, I-um.”

“You want some water?” Now looking at your with more concerned eyes, as if he was just nervous he’d actually offended you for calling you a boring bastard. And you would’ve picked up on it and alleviated his concerns, if it weren’t for the fact your eyes were glued on the water bottle he was holding out to you. You were thirsty. You knew that, that wasn’t the conundrum. What you weren’t so sure about was whether your stomach would accept it, or more violently reject it. In a very non ‘we’re-trying-to-sell-a-movie’ style. 

But the lightheaded fogginess in your brain won out, as you nodded jerkily, taking the bottle and taking a little swig - too cautious to take anymore. 

Now concerned with how Tom thought you were being a Debby-downer too, you managed to perk yourself up for the next four interviews. They were easy, asking questions without any activity and though you did rely on Tom beefing out and adding to your answers, it was okay. Then the next interviewer came in, who you recognised as being from the BBC, Ali Plumb, that had interviewed you a number of times. From the way Tom jumped up to give him afirendly bro-hug, you guessed he also was familiar with him. As soon as he took a seat the cameras were already flashing with the red light, demonstrating his 7 minutes had already started. 

“Guys! It’s been a while.” 

“How are you Ali?” You started it off with the pleasantries, Tom echoing, before the speccy dirty-blonde asked his first question. 

“So the last time I spoke to you guys the universe was in chaos, Peter Parkers on the run and Aurora Blake was trying to strip her own powers, so I guess my first question is how are you both doing? We can use this as a therapy session if you guys need.” His very typical nerdy joke made Tom laugh, nodding as he leaned forward and repositioned a bit. 

You didn’t share the same humour though, more focused on this invisible blanket of stuffiness that seemed to have been thrown on top of you. It made you feel groggy, incredibly hot and so unbelievable nauseous. The lights weren’t helping either, it felt like you were pouring with sweat from your forehead. You thought Tom was answering Ali, even if you couldn’t really hear  - everything had merged into a deafening roar. Adrenaline coursed through your veins, unconsciously making you fumble yourself to standing, desperate to get somewhere with fresh air. The last thing you saw before your vision tunnelled into darkness was Tom, reaching out to try and catch you. 

Because next thing you knew, you were on the floor, wires from all the cameras and lights digging into your back as you looked up to see Tom on one side and Lucy on the other - both wearing a similarly panicked expression. You knew you hadn’t been out long, seconds if that, going by the fact everyone else was in the ‘oh my god’ phase of panic. It was a bit weird how calm you where, but then again all your life you’d been the ‘class fainter’. Waking up on the floor was something you were long since used to. 

“Y/n? You awake?” Rather stating the obvious Tom asked the question as you bent your head up - allowing you sight of all the concerned facing oggling you. With a defeated sigh, you flopped your head back. 

“If this is a dream then it’s a real bloody nightmare.” This time Tom didnt seem to appreciate your joke, looking at you without almost dumbfounded eyes, as you blinked repetitively and groaned. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lucy appeared to want to lecture you, which to be honest wasn’t the most time appropriate. You were still on the floor, legs crumpled up under you, so ignored her. Instead you pulled yourself up into a sitting position, taking a moment to blink away the blotchy haze that threatened to takeover your vision once again, whilst the pair above you both cautiously rested their palms on each of your shoulders -trying to be useful. The room still felt cramped and stifling, as everyone around were no doubt looking at you. 

It took a few minutes but your body seemed to get over itself, sitting up normally and trying to make small talk with Ali - who, by the way, was still sat awkwardly in the chair. Still nestled on the floor, your back up against the chair you had been siting on as you raved with Ali of the Harry Potter theatre show. In a natural lull in conversation, Tom perked up - from the door where he’d been muttering with the organiser as Lucy bit her nails nervously. 

“Y/n you need to go home.” 

All of you knew what Tom said was impossible. Not being egotistical, but you were too important. Although you hadn’t been paying masses of attention for Lucy’s run down of your itinerary - you knew it was packed. 

So you just looked up and rolled your eyes at Tom, earning yourself a strong glare, before locking the organiser in eye contact.

“How many have we got till lunch?” 

“Um this gent here” He gesturned toward Ali, who was almost squirming in his seat now “then two more.”  

“And then lunch?” 

“Yes, then you have a personal appearance at a dinner, so transport will be coming to pick you both up.” This poor guy seemed obsessed with the clock and his timetable, looking at your with a mixture of panic and frustration. You should know this stuff, you should’ve listened to Lucy. 

“How fars the drive?” 

“At this time probably an hour and a half.” 

The plan was clear in your head, you’d sort yourself out in the car and be fully fine by the afternoon and evening engagements. Plus you felt almost fine now. So with a sigh, you hauled yourself up onto the chair, patting for Tom to sit back down. 

“It’s half an hour and then I’ll sort myself out at lunch - come on their waiting.” The way Lucy pouted showed she disagreed somewhat, except a stern look kept her from protesting, as Tom walked toward you. 

“Are you sure you don’t loo-“

“Let me stop you before you insult my appearance.” Snickering slightly at his worried face, you laughed it off , knocking his side with a gentle murmur of ‘don’t worry about me’. 

In fact after that little episode you did feel a little recovered, which meant you were properly noticing the change in the boy sat next to you. Throughout the remaining three interviews he’d done a complete 360 from earlier. Rather than trying to get little digs at you, he had become fiercely protective - jumping in if a questions wasn’t particularly appropriate or relevant to the movie ( meaning when an awfully crap man asked what underwear you’d been able to wear in your suit) ; taking the heat of the conversation as well as just watching you like a hawk. Each time you answered his beady brown eyes were watching you from the side, you got the impression it wasn’t only just because of the risk of spoilers. 

Quite remarkably, you survived the rest of the day pretty well, after a power nap in the car on the way over - even if it was a bit difficult when you had your manager watching you like a hawk from the seat across. It was as if Lucy had never seen anyone ill before, she seemed concerned that you were going to spontaneously stop breathing and die at any point. 

Though by the time all the official business at the dinner was done, your body and willpower had reached the end of their tether. You and Tom were both on a round table, surrounded by 6 CEOs and execs of what seemed to be a multimillion pound business enterprise. With the language barrier meaning you had to speak through the two people on the table who were fluent in both japanese and English, the conversation was already pretty jilted. Though to be fair, the six did seem to be enjoying the evening - something you werent able to reciprocate. Thankfully, five minutes after the main course dishes had been collected, Tom spoke up from his position opposite you.

“This has been lovely and we really appreciate your time and generosity but me and Y/n have a really early start tomorrow so I think we should probably get back to the hotel.” You swore in that moment you could’ve kissed him, and it looked like Tom could tell - by the way your shoulders sagged and you let out an exhale of pure relief. Apparently even if you’d managed to convince the hosts you were enjoying the evening, Tom easily saw through the performance. After some hurried goodbyes, Tom led you out of the hall with his hand hovering over your lowerback, trying to make sure your exit was as discreet as possible. 

Away from the bubble of chatter and activity, in the deserted hallway, Tom stopped you - lightly holding both hands on each of your arms. 

“Wheres your team?” 

“Um Luce is back at the hotel, she was trying to see if she could reschedule any of my stuff tomorrow.” You winced at the way he sighed, realising you were all on your own in some random business event hall in Tokyo.

“Harry -my brother- is waiting in the car at the front - is that okay?”

“No Tom, don’t worry abo-“

“Yeh well I am and I think you feel ten times worse than you’re letting on.” He spoke harshly, like a school teacher telling you off - except the hint of a kind smile at the end was a dead giveaway. 

“You sure?” 

With a relieved nod (Tom had thought you might be a bit more stubborn - you obviously were really really ill) he wordlessly shrugged his suit jacket off, wrapping it round your shoulders. He muttered something about not wanting you to catch a chill but to be quite honest you were a bit distracted by the woody cedar smell of Toms aftershave that enveloped your senses. Maybe it wasn’t so bad being fussed on by him? To be fair he wasn’t wrong either, you were in a strapless evening dress - you would’ve preferred to be in joggers, but Marvels press team had other ideas. 

After a quick pit stop at the toilets, the two of you managed to make an unnoticed escape out the building - into a big SUV which had seconds prior pulled up onto the steps. You literally melted into the nearest window seat, body hunching over as you probably crumpled Tom’s jacket beyond belief. 2 seats along from you, a frizzy haired boy gave you a sympathetic smile, which you returned weakly whilst muttering a ‘hi’. Meanwhile, Tom pulled the sliding door shut, sitting across from you. 

“Oh Y/n this is Harry and Harry this is Y/n.” In unison both of you replied with an ‘I know’ eye roll. Your response was somewhat more shocking to both Holland boys, you could tell from the way they had this whole nonverbal conversation with their eyes - they were very clearly brothers. Needing to explain you continued. “I like to keep tabs on my castmates, I’ve seen you on Toms instagram.” That had both boys smirking, Harry presumably just because you knew who he was; Tom more smugly, you’d just given away you slightly stalked him on instagram. 

Silence reigned for a moment, as the driver put his foot down slightly. 

“How you doing?” Tom asked. 

“Mhm…” you thought for a second, how to eloquently describe the sensation. 

“shit.” 

Both boys chuckled a little and even though you had closed your eyes in an attempt to dull the throbbing behind your temples, you could feel the eyes on you. 

“You want the music off?” Harry asked, referring to the indie-rock coming quietly out the speakers of his laptop, which was resting on his lap. With a shake of your head you refused, even if really silence probably would help your head, you were already causing the two Hollands enough trouble - no need to bore them during the journey back into central Tokyo, especially when you weren’t the most enthusiastic company ever. 

Thankfully the music stayed on a low volume, whilst the car seemed to settle into a comfortable silence. With a long exhale you fluttered your eyes open, seeing Tom focused on his phone, before you rested the side of your head against the black-out glass. Taking some relief from the cool glass, you huddled further into the corner of the car against the door.

Floating in the space between sleep and wakefulness, you were kind of aware of your head occasionally bobbing and jerking about - but really didn’t have the energy or willpower to do anything about it. Instead, the thing that perked your attention was hearing some supposed-whispering from inside the body of the car.

“I know she said she didn’t care but she was clearly lying-“ 

“Like you know! You’ve been desperate to try and spend some time with Y/n- maybe you poisoned her just so you could be all knight-in-shini-“

“Turn. The. Music. Off.” Tom sounded scathing now, and with a grumble from your other-side the cheery drum beats ceased.

“Happy now?” …and Harry was sarcastic. 

“Swap places with me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

“Why?”

“So she can lie down.” 

“Well no because you would still be in the way if we swapped.”

“Yeh but she can lie on my lap idiot.”

“She can lie on me.”

“She doesn’t know you!”

“Well for 1, barely ten minutes ago she said she did know me. And 2, she doesn’t know you any better!”

If this was their version of whispering, you would love to hear what volume ‘shouting’ was. There was no reply for a short while, you imagined the two brunettes locked in some intense staring match.The next time Tom spoke he sounded more defeated - almost begging. 

“If I admit you beat me at the driving range the other day will you-” 

“I KNEW IT!” Harry yelped, the volume making you jerk, eyes flying open before reflexively closing because the light was too bright. There was a little mutter of an apology, then silence again. 

Once agin you must’ve drifted off because it felt like absolutely no time had passed when a firm but gently hand on your shoulder nudged you awake. 

Sure enough the boys had swapped position, Tom now sitting along the seat from you, Harry looked a little sulky from across the way. It was Tom who was reaching over, a gentle and peaceful smile on his face.

“You wanna lie down? Don’t want you to strain your neck.” He wasn’t wrong, adding to the throbbing headache, the cloudiness in your brain and the unsettled feeling in your stomach… now your neck hurt. Just bloody great. 

Had you been your normal witty and perceptive self, you might’ve teased Tom as to why him and his brother had done a switch - but everything hurt and all you wanted to do was sleep for a hundered years. So with squinting eyes you jerkily nodded, missing how Tom chuckled to himself. The guy undid your seatbelt, then sat back to let you balance the back of your head on his thigh, looking up at the roof of the SUV. Already your eyes were closed again, you kicked off your slip-on heels and bent your legs up to lean against the backrest - occupying the position you had been sat in before hand. You felt his hands reposition the jacket, pulling it round so it was now like a blanket tucked under your chin. 

To be fair it was much more comfortable than sitting up and you weren’t even aware of how quickly you dropped back into sleep. 

Though it wasn’t quick enough to miss Harry’s very sulky sounding comment, presumably meant only for Tom’s ears. 

“Still think you’re being fucking creepy bro.” 

<33 lemme know what u think! (would make me feel less guilty for not doing all the work I rlly should be doing aha)

tagging : @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove

[twigg96]

Ooh, inspired by the anon who send a request about disability, can I send one in too? How would Dethklok (+Abigail) relate to a friend of the band who is bipolar? Only if you want ofc. Thank you so much!

Hello Anon! Of course I’d love to do your HC request. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to do. I’ve been very busy recently. Ok let’s goo!!

Before I start I’d like to define Bipolar Disorder as described by the Mayo Clinic:

A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. The exact cause of bipolar disorder isn’t known, but a combination of genetics, environment, and altered brain structure and chemistry may play a role.

Bipolar Disorder may cause mood swings to the extremities of Manic highs or Depressed lows that may last weeks or even months when left untreated.

Bipolar Disorder is no laughing matter and is something that even though is the butt of many jokes should be taken very seriously. If someone you know is struggling with BD I suggest seeking medical attention.

Nathan hates confrontation to begin with. But he’d fight with everything he had just to see that his S/O was getting the right treatment for their specific needs even if that means sitting his S/O down themselves and trying to convince them to take their medication or go to their therapy sessions. He loves his partner. He just wants what’s best for them.

Pickles would be more lenient with his partner. He’d let them skip a few therapy sessions if they just wanted to chill with him or even skip their medication if they were on any just so they could smoke with him. But if their mental health ever started to cause problems in their own lives. Pickles wouldn’t be too scared to step in and intervene. He’d insist that they seek help and apologize for allowing them to skip out for however long they did. He’d make up for it by being completely supportive of his partner. He might even stop doing drugs if that’s what his partner needed in that moment.

Murderface wouldn’t understand Bipolar Disorder at first he’d be that guy who’d make jokes at it because he didn’t understand how serious it was. It wouldn’t be until his partner actually sat down and explained to him how offensive and hurtful those jokes could be that he would stop and start advocating for them. He’d even go as far as to start holding fund raisers to try and raise money for its awareness and nonprofits for it.

Toki would learn all he could about Bipolar Disorder. He refused to let his lack of knowledge be what causes his partner any type of pain or discomfort. It’s not as hard for him to learn about as it would be for the others. He’s seeing Twinkletits weekly for his own problems, he just happens to ask questions about Bipolar Disorder while he’s there. Sometimes Twinkletits got upset with him for asking too many questions about Bipolar Disorder and not enough about his own problems so as insensitive to keep learning to manage his own mental health, Twinkletits promised to tell Toki one fact about Bipolar Disorder at the beginning and the end of every session he attended as well as answer one question he may have. Toki agreed. He learned about medication management and that his partner may or may not be on medication but should be supportive either way. Toki was nothing but well versed after a few weeks and while he couldn’t treat his partner he certainly could help much more than he could before.

Skwisgaar understands all about Anxiety and Depression. He has suffered from it before and thus can try and relate to his partner when they are spiraling. He relies on his insomnia to watch over his partner during their longer stretches of Mania or Depression. He likes to watch them and make sure they’re ok for most hours of the day when it gets severe enough. He tries not to micromanage his partner’s mental illness however. If they are on medication he tries his best to watch and see them take it but he doesn’t hassle them if he didn’t see them take it that day. He does however get upset if his partner ever talked about stopping their medication. He’d want to know that his partner talked to their doctor first and got at least two professional opinions before they just quit. But he’d be as supportive as he could be and walk beside them step by step through the process.

Abigail knows exactly what to say exactly when to say it. She is her partner’s voice of reason. She pretends to be cold and heartless but the fact of the matter is she is very kind and heartfelt. She loves her S/O. She wants to keep them happy and safe. If they insist on going shopping while Manic she absolutely insists on going. Not only because she loves to shop but she also slips in gentle words of advice or encouragement so her partner doesn’t blow their paychecks all in one place and instead buys the necessities. She is strict with her partner’s medication management and often will have timers on not only their phone set but hers as well reminding them both that her S/O needs to take medication. She doesn’t want to see her partner get hurt. She loves them too much for that.

[antiloreolympus]

12 Anti LO Asks

1. its victim blaming of hades to tell minthe its HER fault she "couldnt get over him". like? you lied to her! youre the one who blurred the lines to date her! you were just as toxic to her if not more so by controlling where she lives and her job, all while never defending her to your cruel family! you had all the power over her while she had nothing! you dumped her for a 19 year old and dont care she crippled minthe! i wont excuse minthe's actions, but hades is ultimately the worse of the two IMO

2. you know why fans claimed "Minthe should've reacted better"? since the first episode Rachel has been drilling into their heads Minthe is an irredeemable monster, and her not bending over backwards to H/P means she deserves the absolute worst. Minthe reacting how anyone logically would doesn't matter when LO is designed to coddle H/P, and anyone against them must suffer for it, even if the victim to H/P's actions. they never wanted her to be "redeemed", they want her head on a silver platter.

3. i know this is not what she intended bc the only characterization rachel has of hxp is "the best over everything" but uh, does she know having hades control all the petroleum and gasses and whatever else is actively destroying the planet, right? like hes helping the very thing persephone draws her power from and what she's connected to be destroyed to appease hes need for wealth and power. its kinda gross hes being romanticized while he commits horrible acts like this for his bank account.

4. its not impossible to go opposite in their original myth personalities and still have it work. like in hades game, sisyphus is one of the most likable characters, achilles is gentle and kind, ares is calm and rational, etc, but it makes sense within the context of the story. LO in comparison goes "all these loving mothers are evil because i said so! this beloved god is now evil because i said so! minthe is evil because i said so!" and that's about it in terms of logic to these wild changes.

5. I can kinda get behind anon's theory about the flower nymphs looking like P to help her be undetected, the problem is there are also unrelated women in comic who are bright pink and look just like her, with hades even confusing them for her! if i had to bet the only reason they look like that is because rachel just wanted daphne to look like her to hammer home apollo is "obsessed" with P and to fake them as her "real family" over demeter. also just laziness in designing characters in general.

6. its weird hades and persephone are well aware what they're doing is bad even openly admitting it and yet the narrative is so hellbent on excusing their bad actions?? like hades being the major toxic factor in his relationship to minthe, persephone killing people, or hades wanting to bone an eternal 19 year old? like rachel you know thats not how character growth works, right? you cant show they have horrible flaws and leave them to never grow and learn from it, that's not good writing at all.

7. what i also dont get is the hierarchy makes no sense? like zeus is framed as the top god, but that would mean hades cant be the most important man ever so rachel also made him equal rank with zeus (and i guess poseidon too) so?? how does zeus have all that power over them then if theyre all equal? is it because zeus swallowed metis?  also how are the fertility goddess so powerful and rare yet so easily taken down? how are they overpowered and super weak at the same time? i just dont get it.

8. Re reading chapter 144 and other anon is right we do see the pomegranate pin on Hades outfit (so Hades gifts it to her)

But also some things to note

During the makeout session persy begins to disappear in butterfly form and hades is like "no don't leave!" And he grabs her, preventing her from leaving. Which is..kinda Ick considering they were on their way to having (public) sex and he doesn't want her to leave which seems like he's not really respecting her boundaries? (because if she does he'll "be lonely")

The pomegranate pin is Hades' to begin with so technically one of Persephones symbols is not hers (yes I know in the original myth she ate it in the underworld / was forced to eat it but still its supposed to be her symbol)

Hades notes that he "doesn't want to overstep his boundaries as host" because Persephone is a guest (too late for that)

Persephones main concern (after what a week or 2?) after being raped is when Hades wants to stop her reaction is "dont you want me anymore?"

Girl you aren't even dating ...??

Persy's literal one and only concern is that she thinks if she doesnt sleep with Hades right then or when/if he wants to that "she wont be able to give him what hes used to" ... Which is reinforcing that she went to therapy to get "over being blocked" in regards to having sex

Although Hades does mention that she shouldn't feel like she needs to please him and that a kiss can just be a kiss which would be nice

(And yet his thinking of marrying her amd he's known her for 2, 3 weeks? ... And he says "the beginning of a new relationship is exciting and scary" so hes basically indicating thay their dating at this point, I think?)

And later the nymphs in the store are like "do you wanna be the dominatrix of the bedroom?? Buy this lingerie!" And persy does. So??

Meanwhile Demeter is very worried for her daughter who is busy sitting in Hades lap in a pool. 

9. Can we talk about how anons are making fucking flow charts for the LO Timeline cause it's so ridiculously jumbled?

10. im not even against rushed relationships, ive known actual couples who met and were married all within the same year and it worked out great, the difference though is these were people who had their own lives and previous relationships. the issue with LO is RS designed it so Persephone can NEVER have relationships or a life outside of Hades, and if they did get married offscreen, it's framing their marriage in a toxic and unbalanced light. That's not a romance, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

11. i feel like there's a difference between drawing an interesting hooked/aquiline nose versus whatever the hell RS puts on Hades' face. It honestly looks like he's in between morphing into a bird half the time since it just looks like a beak over an actual facial feature.

12. are there shareholders or a board of advisors or something at underworld corp? because if there is id say they have more than enough reason to kick hades out and strip him of his titles/shares because of all the shit he's caused by being guided by his broken pp over thinking with his head. liking dating TWO employees? and getting one of them phsyically crippled by the other bc he can't be honest with either of them and she's a walking time bomb? he's a walking HR nightmare.

[nepenthendline]

S/O that self-harms and has an eating disorder -  Tsukishima, Tendou and Sugawara

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD: SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS

I’m dumb and accidentally posted this half done so thats why the requests are in screenshots 

I’ve added these two requests together as they’re about the same topic. Firstly I just wanted to let anon though that I’m absolutely fine writing about these topics so you don’t need to worry! I will, however, make it extremely clear on these posts about the trigger warnings and I won’t go into intense detail so that it’s more accessible, I hope that’s ok! And thank you for your lovely words! 🥰🥰 I have added trigger warning tags for those who need to blacklist this, but please please let me know if you need me to add any others

I know there are so many people who are struggling with these issues, especially at the moment with covid, I’ve been there too and I’m still dealing with these things myself so I want you to know that if you need to talk to someone, or you’d like an emergency request, then my askbox and messages are always open. You are not alone, you are not ‘strange’ for dealing with these things, and I promise you things will get better, I’m already proud of any progress you have made and you should be too. It’s ok to have worse days and to fall back into negative spaces, you’re human!

Also, these will be following my own mental health hcs of these guys that I’ve already posted so check that out first!

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima is the one who understands this the most

he’s been there, he’s struggled with those things and he is still fighting

if you didn’t tell him upfront about your struggles, he would have easily found out by himself quite quickly

since he has been through it himself, he knows the warning signs to look out for, so when you start covering your arms more often even with the hotter weather, or make a passing comment that you aren’t hungry at meal times, he knows it’s his time to step up as a support system

he isn’t going to be particularly forward about it, he’s not the type to come up to you out of the blue and ask questions because he knows some of them can’t be answered, so he takes things into his own hands

he spends more quiet time with you, just the two of you cuddling in your bed as he brushes his fingers over your body

while it may seem like a usual calming display of affection, he is really searching your body for any marks or wounds that are new

he tries to coax your feelings and worries out of you, telling you that you can trust him and that he isn’t going to run away

he knows that he can’t expect you to open up without him doing so either, so he lays himself out for you

he tells you what he has been through, he shows you the scars on his body, he lets you into his heart and his head so that you know you aren’t alone

once you both spill your stories, you don’t talk about it much after that, you both know what is going on so it’s just a matter of taking care of each other

regarding food, he isn’t going to force you to eat huge meals, because he has a small appetite even when he’s eating perfectly fine

but he is going to try and get you eating little amounts consistently throughout the day

you don’t want to eat a full meal? that’s fine, but he is going to be passing you little snacks every few hours so that you at least have some fuel in your body

he’s a smart guy, he knows how the body functions at its best and he will do his best to teach you too in hopes that knowing what your body needs and how it reacts to certain situations will aid you to treat it better

he’s not going to wrap you up in bubblewrap and shield you from the world either, but he will do his best to make sure that there isn’t anything you can easily hurt yourself with in your reach

he’ll put sharp objects on the top shelves, saying it’s just to piss you off about your height

he also always keeps a first aid kit on him in case of emergencies, something he has gotten into the habit of over the last few years

he’s not going to sit there and tell you everything is going to be perfect or to just ‘get over it’, it’s going to be a long process with both of you learning and fluctuating every day, but you’ll both get there eventually

Tendou:

Tendou is extremely attentive, he knows exactly when your mood has changed or if something is wrong

he’ll leave it for a little while to see if you’ll come to him yourself, but if you don’t, then he’ll start asking questions

they start off as simple, casual questions to check up on you, like ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘how was your day today?’, before they go into specifics if he feels like you aren’t being honest with him

he’s the type of guy that makes ‘jokes’ about his depression, even going as far as joking about suicide or self-harm, and when he notices you flinch ever so slightly at his words, he knew what was going on

he brings it up one day as if talking about the weather while reading manga together

“you’ve been hurting your own body, haven’t you?”

he tries to keep the conversations a light-hearted as possible, saying how you are now ‘scar buddies’ as he lifts up his shorts to show you his thighs

he understands that what he says isn’t really going to do much, but he’s still going to shower you with compliments and affection in the hopes that it brightens your mood and distracts you even a little

distraction is his main way of helping you - if he can keep you busy then there’s less chance of you hurting yourself in his eyes

he’s going to call you over or turn up to your room unannounced with a book in hand to read together, or invite you to cuddle with him as you have an anime binge session, he also wants to make sure you’re getting outside enough so walks to get ice-cream and sit in the park happen frequently

he knows he can’t ‘cure’ you or actually make things better, so he mentions about seeing a therapist if you aren’t already and he will support you every step of the journey if you do decide to seek help

like Tsukishima, he also has a smaller appetite in general so he doesn’t expect you to eat tons

he uses prompts often to try and get you to eat more, such as “babyyyy I’m hungry, let’s go down to the cafeteria together and get some food ok?” or “I bought this jumbo pack of ramen but I can’t eat it all myself, come give me a hand?”

he likes getting you sweet treats too, they often make him feel a little perkier so he hopes they will for you as well

he isn’t going to give them any details, but he will ask his team to keep an eye on you if he isn’t around

he likes to use rating systems with you to determined how you’re doing in the day, whether that be on a scale of 1-10, or texting him a particular emoji that signals if you’re having a bad day

he will never get mad or annoyed at you if you relapse, he understands its a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, but he always reminds you of how far you’ve come and how proud he is

Sugawara:

out of these three boys, Sugawara is the one who understands this the least

he’s never dealt with this issues himself, and he has never been around those who have besides those who struggle with anxiety

even though he can’t empathise, he is naturally an extremely caring person so he wants to do his best to understand

he reads up on self-harm and eating disorders to learn about how they originate, how to notice warning signs and what he can do to help you best

he comes to you a lot as well, asking if there is anything he should know or that he can do for you

while he may not notice these issues themselves straight away, he is always checking up on you in general so he can tell if there is something a little off

it breaks his heart to know that you intentionally harm yourself and it takes him a little while to wrap his head around it

he knows he can’t do much to help the issues you face directly, so he makes sure you are keeping up with more general self-care, such as showering, getting some little exercise everyday, indulging in your hobbies and talking to him and other friends

if you need to rely on him for a little while you’re trying to get back on your feet then that���s fine with him, he is more than happy to remind you to do things to take care of yourself and help you do them too

Sugawara is the most forward when it comes to you getting help from a doctor or therapist

he has a couple serious talks with you about how you need to find a method of battling this, whether that be therapy or medication

as much as he wants to be, he can’t take this away from you

he starts stocking his bag with emergency items too, things like bandages, healing ointment or any safe foods that you can eat

to help your eating, he does his best to make food become part of your regular routine in hopes that it will make eating become more familiar and less daunting

this means regular meal times and creating lists of safe foods with you that you feel you can eat better than others

he will do his best to make sure all your meals have the right nutrients for your body and also recommend you take vitamin supplements daily in case you have a bad eating day and cannot get them through your food

it frustrates him that he can’t do more for you, or that he can’t understand exactly how you feel, but he never shows you that

he will always have his arms open for you if you need support and he will never ever blame you for the struggles you deal with, he reminds you constantly that there will be better days and he is going to be with you through all of them

[ashintheairlikesnow]

To that last anon, I thought you raised some really interesting points, especially on how differently society and fandoms, and by extension the whump community, tend to treat female characters compared to others. I'm kinda biased myself since I've always been drawn to reading and writing male characters (and lately nonbinary and every flavor of trans), but don't often feel a deep connection with woman in fiction. I guess a part of the way Nova is or isn't loved can come from that, but I think a big part of it is mostly from the way she seems "unsafe" to someone who is definitely a fan favorite. She is of course a survivor herself and, like Jameson, deserving of understanding for her mistakes, but maybe the fact the we never had a glimpse inside her head has a lot to do with it. I didn't like Jameson at first and I love him now because we got to understand his thoughts and feelings.

The closest we ever got to Nova was her therapy session (which was still not from her POV) and a couple really short bits way back in the beginning, so maybe that's why she's hard to relate to. But make no mistake, there's a bunch of Nova stans around here, I've seen them lol

About the whole infantilizing Chris thing though, my view as an autistic person is that it's both a complex thing and actually very simple lol. There's definitely an issue irl with babying disabled people and/or seeing us as babies/angels/cinnamon rolls too perfect for this world. BUT, I personally very much do just call every character I love "my child". There are characters ten years older than me (and a couple immortal ones with centuries to spare) that I very much do call my babies and a part of being a very invested fan is usually the whole "they can do no wrong! Murder isn't even that bad!"

So yeah, while the way other characters act around Chris can be discussed as possibly infantilizing sometimes*, I think the way we act about him doesn't have anything to do with his neurotype lol

*(I mentioned in a previous ask that this could be from having met him as a kid and their brains not updating the fact that he's an adult. Or that he needs help and support with some things that make him seem as he's being treated as a child when he's actually just getting the support he needs)

-🍄

Yeah, long before I was specific on Chris's diagnosis, when some of my regular readers were starting to ask me if he was autistic (largely because, in a lot of cases, they were picking up on stuff even I hadn't noticed was working its way into my own work yet!), people were already big Chris fans! He was adored right from his very first appearance.

I also think you really hit on a good point at the end when you note that he appears still very much a teenage boy, and that especially with nonlinear writing, it's easy to just kind of keep seeing him that way. And also, because he IS sunshine boy a lot of the time, it's easy to read that as 'childlike' as compared to the occasional cynicism or anger of the others around him.

I actually love Nova more the more I get to dig around inside her head. I've got some ideas on her brewing, but unfortunately have been far too busy to write much the last week or so! But I like her, and I think she's going to really find herself soon.

She was unsafe to Chris, for sure - but she is ALSO hurting, and badly, trying to find her way out of conditioned behaviors. She's fairly clear even when she assaults Chris that she's acting out the way she was taught to 'fix' the bad mood of the people who are important in the household - originally her Miss, and now Chris, Jake, etc. That mixes with her sort of latent crush on Chris (which is less on Chris and more on the way he seems, to her, like he's come impossibly far from being a pet) and just becomes a very dangerous combination... but not a malevolent one.

Nova is very complex - low-empathy but deeply injured and traumatized, working hard but taking the wrong direction with it at first. She likes the people in the household but hasn't figured out how to act around them quite yet.

She's not a villain, she's just not a perfect victim or survivor, she's a difficult one. So is Jameson. But I see a lot in them both that I love.

[blue-shaded]

Anon from the twink definition discourse here! Long time no see! I noticed some BetterHelp discourse, so, here to spill the tea again (●'◡'●)

Firstly, some general context, articles and links: DiscreetOnlineCouncelling.com - My Beef With BetterHelp, An Insider Review. PatientsLounge.com - My Unbiased BetterHelp Review. Polygon.com - The BetterHelp Scandal Explained. MaastrichtUniversity.nl - How BetterHelp Changed Our Perspective on Influencer Responsibility. Reddit.com - Please Don't Use BetterHelp.

The Core Problems

BetterHelp is only as good as its therapists. When the original concerns were brought to light in 2019, BetterHelp was found severely lacking with its range of therapists and their specialities. Concerns included a disproportionate rate of white to POC therapists, a lack of therapists who are speciality-trained in things such as LGBT+ counselling, race-based counselling, trauma-specific therapy, ect. Users also had complaints that therapists were disorganised, frequently unavailable or weren't providing any resources or beneficial tools for progression.

Next, BetterHelp's data protocols and practises. BetterHelp is American-based and has an opt-out system for data collection and third-party marketing, however this combined with their excessive user data mining, data harvesting, marketing and user tracking practises have raised concerns over confidentiality breaches, immortal use of data collection, ect. BetterHelp is also accused of issues surrounding transparency regarding their data protocols and marketing. Some such concerns included confidential discussions, recorded sessions and data between clients and therapists being harvested for user data which was then sold to third-party vendors who used it for targeted marketing.

Third; pricing. BetterHelp advertises itself as the most affordable on-demand therapy option on the market, however prices start at $60-$90 (£40-£70) per week and are subject to unlimited change based on varying factors such as your location, the therapist you choose, how often you use the service, ect. These prices have been lowered from original quotes extending up to $200 per week. While still cheaper than privatised licensed therapy, these prices are exorbitant for the services and availability the app offers.

BetterHelp is also being accused of purchasing/farming positive reviews, though this is still under investigation. Discrepencies and suspicious activity can be seen on sites such as the BetterHelp UK TrustPilot page, where 5* reviews are flooding in close proximity from accounts with little to no otherwise activity, similar wording, same time stamps, ect. BetterHelp has yet to respond to accusations. (Fun fact: Google was actually proved to be farming its own positive Google Chrome reviews on the Play Store in 2020 after introducing the tab function changes, which saw Chrome's rating flop from 4.2* to 3.1* in a matter of days. Google declined to comment or respond to the evidence and continues to farm fake reviews for various Google products.)

Discussion

Your Anons are a little behind the news in that BetterHelp's lax practises were challenged in 2019, and as such the platform has already undertaken several changes in an attempt to reverse its reputation and public image. This is not to say its perfect, however, as BetterHelp is still being challenged over its confidentiality, suitability and other concerns.

Ultimately BetterHelp is still on the plank, as they say, though it routinely advertises itself as adapting, understanding and changing itself to better understand and fit the needs of its customers. BetterHelp is still ultimately a business model and for-profit organisation, however. I personally cannot see them changing any of their data concerns except for transparency and declaration clarity.

Its also worth noting that Distractible is ultimately managed by QCode/Wood Elf Productions(/Media) and that the parent company is ultimately responsible for sponsorships and partnerships. M/B/W have discussed in a semi-recent episode the realities of their adverts and how they tackle them.

Based on similar case studies, they will receive information packets and staple criteria either directly from the sponsor's PR teams or from QCode/WEP such as 'be sure to include X slogan' or 'state X, Y and Z product specifics' but are largely given free-reign on the scripting for their promotional segments.

I hope this helps to provide some context and insight. For anyone who intends further investigation please account for the fact that there will be discrepancies between 2019 data and 2022 data.

Veeery helpful thankyouu!