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dykedvonte · 2 months ago

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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces #regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary #but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful #and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to #explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen #in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what #is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit #from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line #in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue #that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t #upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do #something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those #two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example #or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the #fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically #violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out #in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game #but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of #rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se #how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is #concerned about with Jimmy #and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy #instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste #which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab #complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post #on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if #you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make #the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions

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autumnwhistles · 26 days ago

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On c!Martyn and Caring

Martyn and loyalty are two words that, in discussions, tend to go hand-in-hand. Whether it's praising his devotion to Ren or analysing his betrayals, he can never escape that contradiction. Is he loyal, or not?

I think it goes deeper than that. While c!Martyn is full of contradictions, it isn't only loyalty that's at the core. Rather, it's the wider subject of how he interacts with players at all, how close he gets to them, and how he reacts to caring.

It's both a question of how much, and how deeply, and contradictions are found in both aspects. On one hand, Martyn is a very solitary player. CC!Martyn says as much – that he tends to play a solo game, despite having a "person of interest" each time he'll check in on (whose back he has "until [he doesn't], until [his] sword goes in it"). On the other, he's extremely sociable – though he rarely gets close to others, he spends almost all of his time talking to others, joking with them, heading from group to group. On one hand, he's completely focused on self-preservation, willing to backstab and betray at a moment's notice if it suits his game. On the other, he has a capacity for honour and loyalty, and – crucially – losses do affect him deeply. Again, CC!Martyn describes this contradiction very well.

There are always these two conflicting wishes within him – for self-protection (whether from physical or emotional harm), but also despite himself, for care. And two quotes represent the contradiction. One in-universe:

I learned there was nothing in this world for me – nothing but walls, corners, edges. And you know what, you showed me life. As much as I’ve taken it from you, you gave it back to me in buckets’ fulls. - Shortly after Ren's beheading, 3rd LIfe

And one from CC!Martyn:

[Ren's final death in 3rd Life] was the moment that kind of broke character!Martyn and made him more selfish moving forward. - Martyn's post-Limited Life lore stream

A wish, and the consequences of indulging in it. It's a balance he'll have to walk for as long as the games continue.

So, let's explore it.

Pre-Win

It's pretty clear that walls, corners and edges are the only thing Martyn has seen for a long time now. After so many games, so much bloodshed without ever an end in sight – even after winning, nothing changes – it's hard to search for anything else. But back, back before the Red King's rise, seeing the world that way wasn't enough.

3rd Life

Martyn starts, as he always does, as a wanderer. He's a bit of an outsider from the beginning – he's not a Hermit, he was never a member of X-Life or any of Scott's other series, and though he has been in one MCC team with Scott and another with Joel, the people he's truly familiar with (the EVO crew) are by far in the minority. It's only really BigB and Skizz in the same boat.

It's no surprise, then, that he takes the first chance to form an alliance he gets (with members he's all familiar with) – the Blue Sword boys. But though he does think about the alliance far longer than the others do, it's not so much of an emotional commitment. We're still at the stage where he thinks there's "nothing in this world for [him]", after all.

There's another similarity between early game Martyn and the Martyn we're more familiar with: he's focused on survival from the start. He's always worried about Ren being too kind, about Ren spilling secrets. He hides his own resources (eg the Ender chest), he spends most of his time away from Dogwarts, he's ready to leave if Ren doesn't toughen up. In many ways, pre-Red Winter Martyn isn't all too different from post-3rd Life Martyn. He's always been worried about the impacts of others on his game.

What he's not worried about yet is the emotional impact on himself of others dying.

So he indulges in that life Ren has shown him gladly. He gladly takes up the mantle of Hand, of protector, taking no effort to hide his loyalties or to emotionally distance himself, and leaving no contingencies in case things go wrong.

Then, Ren dies.

Only a few metres away from Martyn, but out of his line of sight.

C!Martyn breaks. He'll live with the knowledge of the consequences of caring forever.

And we see this in...

Last Life

Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all? For C!Martyn, it's cleary the latter. And there's one clear change in his alliances this time round that shows this: contingency plans.

Especially at the start, Martyn doesn't tie himself closely to the Southlands. He has options to escape them – Ren especially is an option if things go wrong, and later down the line he forms a whole secret alliance (the Shadow Alliance) as well. Of course, this means he'd have the option to use the Southlands to escape the Shadow Alliance as well, though since the Southlands does considerably worse in every metric, this never really becomes necessary.

He isn't tied as closely to Ren this time, either. Though they are allied, he's completely fine with attacking him in the Battle Royale at the end. Of course they planned to fight if they were the final two in 3rd Life, but there are still two pairs of alliances left – Scott and Pearl, and technically Martyn and Ren – and sticking with his doesn't cross Martyn's mind. Maybe accepting Ren's going to die, helping participate in that himself, is easier than trying to protect him and failing again.

So, Martyn makes efforts. But, despite this, he does end up getting close with his allies, especially with the Southlanders (excluding Grian) he had so many plans to escape from. He makes a habit of imitating Mumbo's intro at the start of each session; he votes to keep Jimmy in the alliance even after Jimmy had betrayed them by running away with a life they were passing around as a test of loyalty (Martyn's own life, no less). Viewing the world as only walls and corners wasn't enough for him back in 3rd Life, and no matter how reluctantly he tries to always give himself an out if things go wrong, it clearly isn't enough for him here, either – he does start to genuinely involve himself with them, genuinely care for them.

This care works, yet again, to Martyn's own detriment. Though it doesn't cause his death this time, he mourns them enough to hallucinate their presence – and, importantly the 'promise' of bringing them back to life is what the Voice (a mysterious entity that's been talking to him and telling him what to do for most of the season) uses to keep him obedient.

Martyn: And what if I don't like it your way? Voice: Do as we say. Martyn: W-Why should I? Voice: We can bring them back. Martyn: I don't believe you... Voice: We tell no lies Martyn: Fi-Fine! - LL Ep 8 intro, right after the hallucinations (seriously if you haven't watched any of his POV watch these moments). They're not brought back, of course.

He cares! No matter how much he tries to stop, or pretend he doesn't, c!Martyn is someone who cares deeply. That's something often missed in him.

And that's exactly why he takes so many measures against it.

Double Life

Devotion didn't work, and contingencies didn't, either. So, what does Martyn immediately do in Double Life after finding his soulmate? Cut Pearl off, even after both have been similarly abandoned. He can't take that chance again – he's learned twice now that having close bonds with others, whether you intend to turn on them or not, only ever leads to tragedy. He's learned that the hard way.

But... there is still someone Martyn tries to get close to. Cleo. It's the only time we ever see him actively trying to make a connection with someone, and whether tactics played a role in it or not, I think this is for one main reason: as they're soulbound, their lives are linked. For once, there's no risk of your closest friend dying before your eyes. For once, you don't have to plan to betray and escape, because it's not just one person winning the games – it's both of you, together.

And, for once, this works out for him! They don't win, of course – but when it comes down to it, him and Cleo do work together in their final moments. She doesn't turn on Martyn when he attacks Scott, and she fights Pearl with him. For once, he and his ally die together. In fact, this is the only time he arguably lost because he was too distant from others – it was his rejected ally who killed him, and it was him instantly turning on Scott after they were the final four which lead to the fight starting so soon. I do think Pearl and Scott were more likely to win even if Martyn had done things differently – both of them are very good in fights, and though Martyn is too, it's not Cleo's strong suit – but it's an interesting thing to note...

...Not that it changes anything about Martyn's mindset heading into the next game.

Limited Life

Why would Martyn's mindset change? After all, he successfully avoided what hurt the most, and so he instead doubles down. Yes, he's teamed with Scott – and even then, he's alone for the entire first episode, and only goes to Scott in the second after it's clear others have already formed their groups (numbers are a tactical advantage, after all) – but it's never meant to last. He'll protect him while others are standing, but the intention was always to betray him, to kill him eventually, thinking about it at least as early as Episode 4. To Martyn, their alliance is "fleeting and fragile" (linked in the previous clip), and there's even an excitement that comes from thinking about the betrayal. So, when the time comes to do this, he doesn't hesitate – though the Watchers' amplification of emotions did play a role (also in the lore stream), he's quick to turn on him and cut him down, expressing no apparent regret or remorse. Yet again, a success for Martyn!

...The thing is, all this comes at a cost. Those buckets' fulls of life he saw with Ren have emptied long ago, the corners and edges taking up his entire vision. Everyone is a number, a tactic, a liability, and the one who gave him those bucketfulls is fone. And in the end, being successful in his betrayal doesn't even change anything. Though part of his soul is protected from fragmenting (more info on what that means here), he can't know that. He's just thrust into another game with the same players, still missing Ren, to kill once again. He wanted so much for things to be over, to be the last one standing – "none of these niceties, this is a death match for a reason".

But... nothing changes. If surviving doesn't get you anything, and that was your only aim, that was what you gave everything for (alongside avoiding pain)... what, exactly, do you have to live for?

Post-Win

Secret Life

Now, I admit Secret Life came out at a time my interest in the Life Series was at a low, so I haven't actually watched anyone's perspective though (I did watch most of Martyn's, but the closest I got was watching nearly all of Etho's, since this was around the time of Decked Out 2. And I loved watching Etho play Decked Out 2). But there are two things to note with Martyn here. One, he's being a lot more reckless, partly because he's used to relying on hearts returning, but I think it's also because of the win being so inconsequential. Is there a point in spending all that effort surviving till the end?

Two, he's allied with... Jimmy?

If Martyn ends up hurt when his allies die before him, why ally with the player known for dying first?

Again, part of it may be tactics. Martyn nearly always spends the first episode wandering instead of immediately forming alliances, so he tends to team up with whoever's in a similar boat. But still – why pick the person known for permadying first? The person who Martyn had already been hurt by the death of once, in Last Life?

Maybe he's confident after Double Life and Limited Life. Maybe he thinks he's successfully managed to tread the line between 'useful ally' and 'friend you actually care about', and will be successful again. Maybe because Jimmy is so consistently first out, him dying early is more of an inevitability than a possibility (in Martyn's mind) – it won't come as a shock, and Martyn can be prepared. Maybe the fact that Jimmy did die that way in Last Life makes his inevitable death less impactful this time round.

Maybe it's also because he now knows winning gets you nothing, and he'd like to see those bucketfulls again.

Though it often doesn't show in the Life series itself, Jimmy is probably the closest person to him after Ren. For Martyn, the Life series is a direct continuation of EVO – a very long-running series in which his closest bond was with Jimmy, going through it all as a duo. He does express a wish to get close to him in 3rd Life because of this, but after Jimmy rejects him for Scott, Martyn stops bringing it up.

But they're close to each other, and met each other in a context other than the death games. Maybe this alliance is a way of trying to find that life again. I wish I'd followed the series closely enough at the time to see if it was successful, and I'll find out soon enough.

...Whatever the motivation, though, Martyn is there again when he dies (even after he's not the first out). And no matter how careful he might've been being, no matter how successfully he treaded the line the two times before – once again, it hurts.

"These idiots are just laughing. They have absolutely no idea … what they just unleashed. The hound of hell is coming. There will no bark. Only BITE." - Martyn internally, at the end of Episode 6.

So you'd think that after this, Martyn reverts to keeping his distance, right? He tried something and it didn't work, so he dials it all the way back?

In another world, maybe that would've happened. The thing is, there's one difference.

Ren.

Wild Life

This is the first season since Double Life where he spent the first session with someone else, and the first season ever where he goes with that person immediately and then sticks in an alliance with them until the very end. For once, it's a conscious and immediate choice to stick with one person (one not lifebound to him) – Ren's been gone too long, so die first or not, it doesn't matter.

Maybe that isn't the whole story, though. Because the recklessness, worse than ever, continues.

...Let's take a break, and remind ourselves of 3rd Life. Martyn was one of the last Greens, only dying in session seven, and was the second-last player on Green if we exclude BigB, who wasn't physically there in session 7 and so couldn't die (only Impulse outlived him). Let's remind ourselves of Last Life, which is even more impressive – he died for the first time in session 8, after half the server had been eliminated, and was the last Yellow standing. Even then, he successfully managed to hide for a long time, only dying because he got sick of knowing he was always being hunted and decided to mark his location to the Reds with lava to go out in a final stand, coming third overall. In Double Life, we have the same pattern – though he and Cleo went to Yellow after Martyn miscalculated when pushing her on a cliff, the pair were once again the last Yellows, and Martyn once again came third. He's actually the only player in Double Life who didn't die himself once (...though that's on a technicality, since he was directly behind his and Cleo's first deaths). In Limited Life, though he had a rough start, he won.

If pre-win Martyn is good at one thing, it's survival.

But after?

We've already talked about Secret Life, but Wild Life takes this newfound recklessness to the extreme. This isn't about placement – it certainly impacts it, but his last two deaths especially were caused by something else (...sort of) – but about the way his life is treated as an afterthought, completely secondary to the antics he wants to do in that moment. He comes across a wheat farm people are saying is trapped, and the first thing he does is pick a piece of wheat, stand on it and break it, to see if that's the one that explodes (none do, but he does this multiple times!). He starts a game of chicken under a ledge people are actively throwing TNT minecarts off of, involving himself in every round. He drops down to Yellow due to flicking a suspicious trapdoor in the middle of someone's base (because he was "bored")... and his immediate reaction to this is "okay, good"??? Though that may be because he can use the death to guilt trip others for resources, or to distract people so Skizz could try to get some kills (as he was trying to before), it still shows that he values his life very little. He's killed by Pearl because he turns his back to a player with a grudge against him (Martyn just blew up her entire team barring her), who'd already placed down an End Crystal (which was then destroyed by Martyn's bow) in the same interaction. He volunteers himself for a plan (by Grian) which involves him definitely dying and turning Red – Grian's pitch is "is anyone up for a massive sacrifice mission?" – due to being the distraction keeping everyone in place while Grian shoots an End Crystal at the place Martyn has gathered them. He does ask Ren if it's okay with him (clipped there tooo) before agreeing, but that's the only consideration he takes. With his first death to Scar, there wasn't much indication Martyn would be suddenly pushed off, so I'll let it slide (Scar was still Red, though). Scar attacking him the final time was similar... but it should be noted that Martyn died to his own creeper, saying "I at least thought we would both go out together" as a response (though he did die this way back in Last Life too, with an End Crystal instead). This is not someone who's okay. And Ren does pick up on this – not that it does anything in the end.

As a result, Martyn goes out before Ren – only his second time dying before an ally (BigB outplaced him in 3rd Life by one), and his first ever time dying before his closest.

And I can't help but think – was this the reason he was being so reckless? I'm sure being restless played a role as well, but if you don't care about getting to the end anymore since nothing awaits you there... the only way to escape the pain of losing an ally is being the one to die first. This way he gets to both genuinely enjoy the time he spends with someone, unafraid of what caring might cause, and to not feel the pain of losing them.

If this were the case, it would be a selfish move. But as we established at the very beginning – Martyn has always been one to protect himself.

Conclusion

What happens when you're trapped in a death game? When you know how everything will end, that those close to you will die; when you know yourself well enough to know you'll be affected? When you try not to care, but something inside you still aches for that little bit more – but also when, ultimately, you're your fist priority?

...In discussions of c!Martyn and loyalty, a thought that's often brought up is that Martyn never really cared about his allies in the first place. He was always planning to betray them to win, after all. Of course, the latter is true – at least before his win. But I think the reason behind it is a little muddled.

Martyn doesn't betray others because he doesn't care.

He betrays them because he knows he will.

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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I'm sorry I let down my guard.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #xiao xingchen #God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish #Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt #and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible #He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.

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world-of-wales · 1 month ago

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❥ 29 NOVEMBER 2024 | The Princess of Wales has penned a message of support in her role as the Royal Patron of the Forward Trust to support Addiction Awareness Week, which begins tomorrow from 30th November to 7th December.

The statement reads -

"As Patron of The Forward Trust, I am delighted to once again support Addiction Awareness Week. It has been heartening to see that progress is still being made to end the stigma surrounding those battling addiction. For too long, many have suffered in silence, harbouring feelings of shame and guilt about their condition, despite their vulnerability. Everyone suffering from addiction is another human being, with a story of their own, which many of us don’t understand or see. It is not our place to judge or criticise, we must take the time to sit by someone’s side, learning the values of love and empathy. Being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, these simple acts of kindness are crucial in breaking down the misunderstandings that so many face. Addiction is not a choice. It is a serious mental health condition that could affect any one of us. By acting with humility and compassion we can all make a difference and support those who are suffering. Many charities up and down the country are guiding individuals and families through the toughest of times. But they cannot do it alone. It is up to each and every one of us to change the way we think about and consider the many people coping with addiction. Because recovery is possible.”

#princesss of wales #the princess of wales #princess catherine #catherine princess of wales #british royal family #british royals #royalty #brf #royals #royal #british royalty #kate middleton #catherine middleton #duchess of cambridge #29112024 #statements #Action On Addiction #Forward Trust #AddictionAwarenessWeek24

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finalgirlsamwinchester · 9 months ago

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realised. dean is the perfect viewer avatar for a horror show. he gets to be both the action hero and the quippy, self-aware wiseguy who knows he's in a horror show. he provides a safe point; a comfortable power fantasy for you to experience a story through. he's ash in the evil dead. he's a gunslinging tough guy, and you get to see those moments where heroism sits on his shoulders like an ill-fitting leather jacket. and even when he gets his turn at being captured and victimised by the narrative, it's filtered through this mythic lens first. he's the tormented hero; tortured by villains, tortured by the constraints of his role. yeah he gets bruised, beaten bloody to a pulp, torn to shreds and killed, but his perception of reality never gets thrown into serious doubt (unless it's played out as a gag). the narrative valorises his sense of right and wrong, because that's what heroic stories do. their heroes provide moral center, regardless of how we might judge them. the lines dividing hero, anti-hero, and villian are paper thin, and dean isn't truly ever allowed to be ambiguous. and the hero always wins in the end, even when he dies.

meanwhile sam is the abject object of the horror show, a character who gets trussed up, chased, tied up, ripped apart, cut into, possessed, exploited, manipulated and psychologically hounded. he's carrie covered in pig's blood. he's the marginal person people are cheering on either to die - or to live past it all. he gets his turn at playing both movie monster and victim, always occupying the liminal space between both. abject horror lives within him. he's violated with demon blood, he consumes demon blood. he hates halloween because he vomited his guts up in front of a room of normal children. he will never get to be normal, he's designated the freak on multiple levels, but most significantly, by the way his narrative frames him. he's living inside a world that is at its core, fundamentally frightening and horrifying - full control over himself and his surroundings is always slipping away, just beyond his reach. his grip on reality and the world around him gets thrown into question by the story consistently. what's right? what's wrong? what's real? what isnt? the narrative punishes him - because that's what happens to you when you're living in a horror. he can never run away from his nightmare reality, it catches up to him like a curse nipping at his heels. the only way out for him is through the punishing fire. in order to survive, he's required to be pushed to the absolute brink of instability; emotionally, physically and mentally. he emerges out the other end, barely holding it together but somehow alive - like the bloody final girl, changed irrevocably by what she's experienced.

#FINALLY releasing this. oof #finalgirlsamwinchester blog thesis statement #i do also think this is where the fundamental tension between how both brothers are treated by the narrative and the audience comes from.#it's interesting that the moment the show swaps into a grand heroic narrative (s4-5) its perspective shifts primarily to dean's #and as the show grew into becoming a primarily action adventure narrative. dean takes center stage! that's his home genre!#sam fades away bc ultimately. the kind of horror he lives in isn't appealing to the Generalist possible audience.#at the end of the day. guy designated as The Freak has less mainstream appeal :((#my meta #j.txt

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doublel27 · 3 months ago

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I thought joong was straight? He is quite into dunk lips but beyond that i thought straight. I don't even read him as bi?

Look, I neither actually know nor care what Joong’s sexual orientation is. That’s between him and whomever he chooses to tell. And most of my Joong knowledge is adjacent to my knowledge of FKT, AouBoom, EarthMix and DaouOffroad because he’s close with all of them. I more know of him then know him, so I could be missing stuff.

I would say, in regards to your ask, Joong doesn’t appear to have the painful knowing that often comes along with growing up queer in a society that doesn’t want you to be that a lot of other queer people use as a tell to identify each other. The thing that makes us, as queer folx, hesitate or get shy when it comes to things straight people wouldn’t think twice of. And while I do use that in my analysis sometimes, I also know members of Gen Z across the world actively work to resist that shyness and that shame that comes with internalized homophobia and honestly the real-world consequences that can come from being proudly out.

What I do know is he is 1000% into the fanservice portion of his job. Now either it’s his job and he’s having the best time being gay for pay, its his job and he’s excellent at pretending to have the best time pretending to be gay, or he is just shamelessly queer and has said fuck the knowing.

This man is out here yelling into full concert audiences “where is my teerak” and when the audience yells back saying SHHH! he didn’t ask for them, he asked for Teerak! He’s hugging and kissing Dunk at every opportunity and posting various shots of Dunk’s bare waist in crop tops during this THK filming area. He strikes me as the kind of man who reads the RPF about himself. In The Heart Killers book fair panel this past week, he talked about his love of reading BL novels and imaging himself and Dunk in the lead roles. Take that for what you will.

He also expressly stated in an interview alongside Dunk this week that he insisted on being paired with a partner the same height as him. Specifically stating, he thinks it’s a stereotype that one member of an imagined pair/branded couple is always bigger than the other and he didn’t want to lean into it. He wanted to go against that narrative.

As @firstkanaphans and @respectthepetty pointed out, he has a shit ton of queer friends and has close relationships with the members of GMM that are most likely to be clocked as queer (whether they are or not is also not expressly public knowledge and some folx that people clock as gay are straight because femme isn’t exclusive to gay men) Which again, either he’s the most down for the cause straight dude that exists or he’s also queer. My stance is considering he and Daou talk about how close they were to starving trying to make their first shot at being idols happen, I hope they’re having the best time in Thai BL fanservice land being shameless and getting that money.

To end, let me paraphrase my beloved Kit Harrington: to believe you can tell the level of queerness someone embodies just by looking at them or listening to their voice or looking at their hobbies, you’ve missed the entire part of Heartstopper.

Which is why I keep all my speculating to mostly private convos and tumblr where I can pretend celebrities don’t live because we’re all mostly anonymous on here and this site is hell to search. Don’t @ folx on Twitter or on their IGs or their TikToks. Don’t try and out people with YouTube videos. Let the Schrödinger’s Gays enjoy their boxes.

I know I have other anons (I see you. I am maybe coming soon) but this required less work on my end to compile my answers.

#joong archen #joongdunk #either he’s getting paid to have a good time or he’s having a good time and the bonus is getting paid #and i honestly hope he’s happy #that’s all i’m saying #jojo also has made statements about wanting to work mostly with queer actors as a queer director because of how hard it is for queer talent #but whatever #double27 talks #anon ask #i know I have other anon asks #i will get to them #this just didn’t require me finding stuff or putting it together #also I worry about joong specifically because of colorism #and I don’t know how Thailand is with Turkish ancestry but I know it’s a huge issue in Europe and European spaces #so I worry #he’s just a giant puppy #his actions live in my favorite category #it’s not not gay

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ddodol · 3 months ago

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reminder that briizes are all that the boys have right now, sm would never push through with their threats of legal action against those hateful people so we have to work extra hard to make sure that the boys hear nothing but words of affection and praise because it's what they deserve ! not just one member but all seven of them deserve love and support!

also just a gentle reminder that the brz community is a mess right now and it might be stressful to read through or deal with. don't feel guilty for taking breaks or not being online for a few days, prioritize yourself!

#if there's talks about pursuing legal action #that's most likely the boys because i know for a fact sm's legal team is non-existent #they don't deserve this shit!#wonbin being forced to make a statement because stupid center 5 won't make official statements to protect them

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l-in-the-light · 4 months ago

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The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Dressrosa (part 6)

Two long posts in one day?? I guess I really wanted to get into "carrying Law like a bag of treasure" mini-arc that badly haha. Love is a hurricane so let's go!

Luffy's back to his "I don't have time for this" antics. He wants to save Torao, there's no time to be idle or to waste, alright!

Luffy's done with being patient and sticking to plans. He was interested in his life to stick to only one plan anyway, which he believes is shattered now. Too bad, Viola. You're just not Law.

Luffy has enough of waiting! Faster, faster! And again, not interested in any other plans, unless they're Law's. (yes, he asks about the plan, but only to complain. He's not gonna listen)

Torao's fine! Luffy looks really happy and he calmed down a bit and does he have a slight blush here or what lol. But like I told you all, he's not interested in listening to plans and idling around. He wants to go, go, go and he isn't even trying to understand what they're waiting for. This is the Luffy we all know, the "before Law" Luffy lol.

To understand why Law says that the alliance is finished, we need to rewind to his fight with Doflamingo. He said that to protect the Strawhats. In case Law gets captured and loses (and he expected to be defeated), cutting his ties with Strawhats should make them all leave the country, right? After all they will have no more business here because the whole alliance was focused on Law's plan, and once that is no longer their business, in Law's mind it means they will leave. After all that's what pirates do. They don't care about countries, old allies etc.

I mean, if it was anyone else than Strawhats, Law would be right, wouldn't he? He just didn't know them well enough yet at this point. He probably thought saving kids at Punk Hazard was just a whim on their part, a precedence, and normally they would only do such things for their friends. And Law isn't their friend, neither is anyone in Dressrosa.

Luffy: Omg Law I missed you so much!

Law: Not this again!

Luffy wastes no time anymore and is so, so happy to be able to rescue Law it's unreal. Meanwhile Law tries to push him away, shocked that he's here.

He tries three different tactics to push Luffy away: 1. You were supposed to take care of the factory, did you do it already? 2. The alliance is no more, scram from here 3. If you rescue me, I will be your enemy!

This is probably The Moment when Trafalgar Law realized Luffy treats him as a friend, someone to risk your life for to help. Law isn't having any of that. Luffy risks his life for friends, and Law wants the exact opposite: protect him no matter what. Those two desires clash here.

Luffy almost fell for it, to be fair. But then decides he will rescue Law no matter what he's saying. He did the same for Ace in Marineford, despite Ace screaming this is not his business, so why would Law's words stop him now?

I love how Luffy calls Law selfish. I mean, he's kinda right about it. Law doesn't take into account Luffy's feelings here. And Luffy also doesn't take Law's feelings into account here. It's a battle of who will rescue the other, lol. They're so hopeless, I swear...

Law's last attempt gets completely ignored. He again is dragged into Luffy's pace here and he knows it. He lost to Luffy, again. Hence why he will allow himself to "get saved" from this moment on, which I think makes Luffy actually happy - after all Ace didn't allow himself to be saved.

And yes, the "I'll kill you" is a lie. All things Ace said at Marineford to keep Luffy away were also lies. Those are all hints for us to connect the dots here. Not that anyone believed Law here anyway lol. There's just no way he would actually harm Luffy after trying to protect him for freaking two arcs now. But he would and will say just about anything, if it has even a slight chance of pushing Luffy away.

Now we have to address the elephant in the room. Does it all mean that Trafalgar Law was suicidal and actually expected Luffy to leave him to die? Well, yes and no. Yes, because he does care for Luffy more than he cares for himself, for multiple reasons (low self-esteem might be one of them actually). Let's not forget Luffy is the life he saved in Marineford. Saving lives means everything to Law.

No, because did you notice Viola magically spawned a key to Law's cuffs? Did you notice how prepared she was in this whole arc, even handing Sanji a map to secret factory, almost like she knew that's exactly the thing they're missing in their plan? Well. I think Law lied and did visit Dressrosa before. And made Viola his secret ally, a great chess piece on the board that's capable of making her own decisions and prepared in case Law needs a backup plan (remember fake cuffs in Punk Hazard? It's the same logic applied here. Law always covers ways to recover from precarious situations/possible emergencies/mistakes). In other words, getting captured by Mingo and rescued with help of his ally, was a part of his backup plan. Yes, he planned his own capture, you heard me right. It wasn't his plan A. Just a backup plan B or C.

You're welcome if that turned your understanding of Dressrosa's plot upside down. I'm always happy to deliver! Oh if you only knew how much of Law's plan was probably obscured from us. Because I don't think Viola is his only secret ally. Ofc you're free not to believe it and just accept the old truth fandom believes in, which is Law being a selfish suicidal idiot. Let's move on for now!

Important to remember: this is Law's narration here. After all he's the only one in this group that knows what Doffy's birdcage is, having experienced it before. He has a clear PTSD moment about it and speaks his actual mind here. Which is him being terrified that innocent people will die, all because Law's plan went to shit. He's most likely already blaming himself for that. This is definitely not the result he wanted, which might be one more reason why his original plan was so indirect in dethroning Doflamingo. He was hoping to avoid stuff like this.

Luffy taking care of Law's sword <3 Busy talking with Zoro over some stuff, meanwhile Law pays attention to Doffy's broadcast, because Luffy doesn't. Those two really fill each other's blank spots, and they do so naturally.

First time Law hears that Luffy is now after Doflamingo. He reacts to it, trying to make Luffy understand that it's a dangerous decision, assuming Luffy is just swayed by emotions.

And their wishes clash again. Law tells Luffy it's better to give it up and scramble. Law no longer tries to push Luffy away, he realizes he lost that battle already. But he's still not giving up on keeping Luffy safe. Ironic, considering he's practically helpless and cuffed here (but the key to the cuffs should be nearby). Just moments ago he clearly regretted the fact innocent people got dragged into this deadly game, but here he is trying to downplay it and even disregard it as not important.

Luffy's not having any of that. Either he heard his regret before and connected the dots, or he still deeply believes Law to be a good person. He expects him to want to help this country too. If Luffy doesn't doubt Law even once, no matter what Law has to say about it, why should we? Luffy's usually the best at reading people, their emotions and judging if they're good people or not. I definitely trust him when he calls someone a good person, and i think you all should as well.

What Luffy and Law are actually communicating here is this:

Law: "This is going too far, we should stop. We might lose our lives here" (as in: I don't want you to lose your life here).

Luffy: "This is no time to be worrying about that! We're already dragged in this!" Or even... "I'm not letting you give up everything just to protect my life! I will carry your wish to save Dressrosa!" (but I doubt Law understands it this way)

Of course Law is taken aback here. He doesn't understand why Luffy is so attached to this country already or why he made his final decision already (and we might also question it with him, because we saw how Luffy respected the plan before! Not even Rebecca or fake peace could sway him! And Law apparently was more aware of it than we expected him to be). It was less than a day. He will find out eventually though, because it will keep bugging him and be constantly on his mind, hence his immediate reaction:

And now he finally gets it. Yep, it was because of food. And it will be because of food again in Wano. It's not the full reason, but oh god it is hilarious. Neverending cycle of suffering for Law continues on.

I guess Luffy's deep interest in Law is reciprocated after all. Law is also unusually interested in things concerning Luffy and stuff about Luffy seems to be always on Law's mind.

Law already knows what's gonna happen, just by hearing "the direct one!!" answer. He still is in disbelief.

Neverneding cycle of suffering. No wonder he becomes a zen monk by Wano.

And it continues. He clearly doesn't enjoy the freestyle jumping off the cliff while being at someone else's mercy or being tossed around. Luckily for him, Luffy holds him tight.

Considering how he was just so heavily manhandled, you can't hold it against Law here that he's kinda petty. Also Luffy's panic is adorable, he's like "oh no, I totally messed it up" which he usually wouldn't care much about, but now he's literally carrying Law with him, so it's no longer about his own safety (he doesn't care) but Law's (he cares about that a lot). And can I just point out since Luffy grabbed Law he never lets him go anymore? Yeah, he loses him occassionally, but never lets Zoro carry him even for a second. Nope, Luffy's gonna carry his own treasure the whole way all up to Mingo's castle and no one's gonna put hands on it!

And I believe this to be the reason. Luffy knows that the whole Doflamingo's Family got a beef with Law, but also normal citizens would be trying to get Law, and Law is still wearing seastone cuffs so can't do much. So Luffy takes it upon himself to take care of him now! And he's so overprotective he won't let anyone else do that!

And again, it's mutual. Law, despite his position, will still fret over Luffy's wellbeing all the time. My god, can they just stop being so obvious? Worry for yourself for once, Law!

He worries and worries some more and doesn't even complain when he lands face first on the ground.

Special mention for Luffy caring about innocent people, because this proves to Law that Luffy actually does care deeply about things like that! By Wano Law will accept it as the truth and Luffy's general MO.

I wonder how it felt when Luffy laughed while holding Law on his arm like that. Law must have felt him laughing through the vibrations in his own body. It's just... so casually intimate between them. Of course Law doesn't miss the chance to actually scold them both, because they do attract unneccessary troubles on them and they're already in bad spot. Law's worrying never ends!

I just wanna point it out: Luffy is falling here, but he still holds Law close, refusing to let him go.

This is here just so you can also stare at both of them lying down at the same time, because that's so rare, whenever Luffy's not on guard, Law usually is, but not here. Here they're just both little sheeps and Zoro has to step up his game instead. Maybe on some subconscious level, Law actually feels safe when Luffy carries him, because he felt safe when Corazon carried him forever ago as well.

I just love how Luffy realizes what Cavendish is up to and rescues Law. And there we go, the infamous "crewmate" debate. Let's start with Luffy. Many people assume Luffy just lied here to protect Torao, because that's the easiest option. But it doesn't take into account Luffy's personality. Luffy never jokes about crewmate's status and if he calls you one, he actually means it (yes, I do believe he tried to seriously recruit zombie tree and Kinemon's legs. He was so deeply disappointed when he found out Kin's legs aren't a seperate entity!). Luffy means every word he said here and he only voices it outloud exactly because it will help keep Cavendish away from Law. And it's not the first time the "nakama" thing is hinted at:

He says it here as well. "My crew's life is more important than flame-flame fruit". But at this point none of the Strawhats is in any immediate danger. Law though, is, indeed.

But when did Luffy start to think of Law as his crewmate? Punk Hazard? Dressrosa after he saw Law being shot? Well, my personal bet is right after Marineford. Because by rescuing him Law proved to Luffy he's a good person. And that's all Luffy needs to want someone as a crewmate. It does help though that he saw Law fight and must consider him really strong.

There's one interesting thing here though. Usually when Luffy declares someone his crewmate/nakama, he would pursue them no matter what. But in Law's case, he just... waits. Seems he wants Law to be the one to make the final decision, and until he does, Luffy will wait for him forever. You think I'm reaching? Watch till we get to Wano haha.

Funny thing is, Zoro caught up on that before Luffy even put it into words. Let's remind ourselves of Zoro's sword languague in Water 7 for a moment:

He explains he doesn't pick sides and he draws his sword a bit and closes it again ("clicking" it) to make the point. He also gives his friends a choice: they need to decide now whether Robin is an enemy or a crewmate (original uses the nakama word). Now fast forward to Dressrosa:

Zoro does the same gesture from Water 7 and it's meant for Law. He's telling him basically the same message here "choose your side, are you with us (nakama) or against us (enemy)." It's right after Luffy and Law quarrel about fleeing or staying and helping the country. Law is also a swordsman, he most likely understood the message, hence his shocked reaction, because he was faced with an ultimatum from Luffy's wingman.

And what's Law's stance on it? He clearly refused there, right? "I'm not!" but that was before he was ready to give his actual answer, so of course he would be mad, he semi-expected this is Luffy deciding things for him. He realizes just a moment later that it's actually not the case and why Luffy said it, hence he shuts up. He shares his final decision only after Zoro leaves to fight Pica and I bet you anything it was on purpose, he was avoiding giving his actual answer in front of the other. Maybe he just thinks Zoro's crazy and might indeed treat him as an enemy as the result... or maybe, just maybe, he is actually torn. I mean, he's allowed to feel confused, he just evolved from a friend to a crewmate in a matter of one hour or less.

Law's hat is on and so is Luffy's, at the exact same time. Shared solidarity <3

Law isn't often taken aback by Luffy, but here he is. I guess it's the first time he sees Luffy so stupidly stubborn over something and the realization hits him like a truck. Yes, Law, Luffy can be just as stubbornly petty as you, are you up for the competition? Seeing your face I would assume that's a "no" haha. He might later on.

Law: Too close! (he's making a very uncomfortable expression and Jeef is leaning all over him).

Luffy: Hands off and get off!!

It looks like Luffy wants to protect Law, but actually I think he's just trying to literally push the guy off so he can win the petty competition of who reaches Doffy first. I'm sure Law appreciated Luffy pushing the guy off.

But it can be also because Luffy wanted Jeef and Abdullah to get away from his treasure that he tugged on Moocy right behind himself lol.

Should we ask ourselves another question? Why is Law allowing himself to be handled this way? There are actually multiple possible reasons for that: 1. He decided that no matter what Luffy wants he will tag along with it, there's no way he's leaving Luffy alone to face Mingo 2. He actually likes being carried around (we have Corazon to thank for that) 3. He's actually too weak in those cuffs to get himself to that palace. Which would explain why he doesn't even try to sit up while on Moocy or why his guard wasn't on around Cavendish, normally he wouldn't allow himself a mistake like that, no matter how much Luffy manhandled him. Though like I said before, I don't exclude "trust" as the partial reason as well. I just don't think it would be enough to make Law stop fretting and worrying.

The love adventures of Luffy carrying Law around will continue in next part!

#one piece #trafalgar law #luffy #lawlu #lulaw #luffy x law #love is a hurricane #there was a lot of character analysis this time #I'm not taking things at face value in this part #because at face value level there is too many contradictions and nothing makes sense #and Phoenix Wright taught me that pointing out contradictions proves the statement as false!#I'm just following consistently my belief that Law's goal is always protecting Luffy and so far I'm never proven wrong #Law is full of empty threats and lies but his actions always prove he never means them #and no matter what happens he always sticks with Luffy which is why I believe that's where his heart lies in all of this #one piece meta

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