#act sad in front of a camera for 4 mins

[funkylittledemon]

y'all can't do a u turn now and staft supporting watcher unconditionally again plssss 😭😭 that was not a proper solution to this like kudos for rolling back the extremely stupid decision and all but they only rolled it back because of how stupid it was! they're still spending too much money on production & still don't know how to run a buisness this will happen again if y'all dont seperate the ghoul boys from Watcher as a company in ur minds

[hyungieyoongi]

Choices: “Run Away to You” Part 5

“If we start this again, I’m not letting you go. Not this time.”

“Then don’t. Don’t let me go.”

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Former Actress!Reader

Word Count: 2.1K

Genre: Angst + FLUFFY FLUFF (it has been quite the buildup but we are HERE, folks!!!) 

Series Masterlist: Run Away to You

Premise: You ran away from your acting career one year ago, disappearing from the spotlight without a trace. No one from your past life knew where to find you. On the anniversary of your disappearance, your carefully constructed reality is shattered.

Part 4 // Part 6

---

Music blared in your headphones as you wandered around the unfamiliar apartment. Marianne had already dropped off your duffel bag of supplies for your temporary stay here; it was currently waiting to be unpacked, left in the first random bedroom you could find.  

Yoongi had come back to his studio after your talk with Marianne, a member of his team from the label following closely behind him. Because photographers were still swarming outside of your building, the label decided it would be best to put you in an apartment on their premises. While the number of cameras had certainly dwindled since that morning, it was best for you to stay hidden and to keep a low profile.

As Marianne and Yoongi’s staff discussed the details of getting a bag packed on your behalf, Yoongi quietly informed you that the apartment was in the same building as his and the rest of the band’s shared home–the unit the label owned was for staff and security detail who needed to stay close to the members.

You hoped that meant you would have a chance to talk to him again. The two-week time limit that Marianne gave you had already started to tick like a clock in your head.

For now, you were left alone to get settled into your new space with strict instructions to stay offline and only answer the phone for Marianne, Yoongi, or the label. You opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water, singing aloud to one of your favorite songs that had just started playing.

Someone snuck up behind you, but your music was too loud to hear them. You spun around, about to take a sip of water, and flinched, a hand flying to your chest to stop your heart from pounding in surprise at the sight of Yoongi standing in front of you.

“Oh my gosh, Yoongi, you scared the shit out of me,” you exclaimed, pulling the headphones out of your ears. Yoongi laughed, his signature gummy smile making an appearance. You scowled. “Hey, stop laughing at me, you can’t just sneak up on people like that,” you said, feigning annoyance.  

“And you can’t just leave your door unlocked,” Yoongi scolded.

“I thought this building was supposed to be secure,” you countered.

“Still, can never be too careful,” Yoongi said, a mischievous look in his eyes, “anyone could have come in here.”

“Well, I guess I should be glad it’s you that broke in, huh?” you said, slightly taken aback by how flirtatious you sounded. Yoongi’s blush indicated his own surprise at the banter. He averted his eyes for a second, clearing his throat.

“I, um, I actually came by to invite you to dinner later. At the apartment.”

“Dinner? With you and the, uh, rest of the boys?” you asked, trying to stay casual. You had spent a decent amount of time with the members when you and Yoongi were dating a year ago. You couldn’t imagine you were their favorite person for leaving Yoongi the way you did.

“I figured since you were staying here for a while, you all might as well…reconnect,” Yoongi said hesitantly. You couldn’t help but be a little reluctant when you answered.

“Sure, I’ll be there.”

---

Yoongi gave you instructions on which apartment to go to at 8:00 p.m. tonight and then left your apartment for a rehearsal. You had plenty of time to run this night over again in your head, wondering if you were going to be an unwelcome guest. You and Yoongi might have been a secret from the rest of the world, but you were never able to hide from the boys. They had been just as much a part of your life as Yoongi. You had left them, too.

Before you could knock, the door swung open.

“Noona!” Jungkook exclaimed, grabbing you and spinning you around in a hug.

“Hey, Kook, I missed you.”

“We missed you too, especially hyung. I’m glad you’re back,” Jungkook told you with a bunny smile. His hair was dyed purple at the moment, the long length slightly curling at the ends to frame his face. “Come on, we’re all in the kitchen,” Jungkook said, leading you through their large apartment.

“Hey, Y/N, good to see you,” Taehyung said from his spot on the couch in the living room. Jimin waved at you enthusiastically, his eyes going back to the game the two were playing on the TV. You sighed happily, feeling more comfortable with their warm responses to your presence.

You made it to the kitchen, seeing Jin stir something on the stove in front of him. You gave him a shy smile.

“Hi, Jin.”

“Hey, Y/N, glad you could make it,” Jin said, wiping his hands on a towel by the sink before coming around to give you a quick hug.

“Me too.” Jungkook started poking at whatever was on the stove with a spoon, and Jin immediately started fussing at him to stop ruining his culinary creation.

“Y/N?” you heard a deep voice from behind you. Namjoon was looking at you, his hands casually in his pockets, his dimples indenting his cheeks from his smile as you met his eyes.

“Hey there,” you said, giving him a small wave. He let out a loud laugh at your timidness.

“Come here already,” he said, wrapping you snugly into his embrace. You looked over his shoulder, seeing Hoseok leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, his arms crossed against his chest intimidatingly, brows furrowed. You gulped.

Namjoon must have felt you tense in his arms, letting you go with a confused look on his face. He followed your gaze to where Hoseok was standing, and put a reassuring hand on your shoulder, murmuring to you that you should probably go talk to him.

You took a tentative step forward.

“Hello, Hoseok,” you said, the name foreign on your lips. Your friendship with Hoseok had always been full of laughter and sunshine; there was hardly a time you used his full name rather than an affectionate nickname.

“Y/N,” he acknowledged with a nod. Ah, so he was going to be the one who gave you “the talk.”

“Maybe we should go…catch up?” you suggested, glancing behind you at the flurry of movement in the kitchen. Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook were desperately trying to look like they weren’t paying attention to the tense energy radiating between you and Hoseok right now. You wondered briefly where Yoongi was, not having seen him in the apartment yet, but you figured it was best to get this part of the evening out of the way first before you saw him.

Hoseok didn’t say anything, so you took it as an invitation to follow him when he turned on his heel and walked toward a room down the hallway. You closed the door softly behind you, waiting for the harsh words to come out of his mouth.

“I apologize for putting you in this situation. I know this is awkward, to say the least,” you admitted. “I’m sure you aren’t thrilled that I’m here. The past couple of days were a bit of a shock to me, too.” Hoseok took a deep breath, a frown gracing his normally happy features.

“I certainly never expected to see you again, especially when Yoongi came back upset because he talked to you.” You grimaced at the thought of how sad and angry Yoongi must have been to warrant this reaction from his best friend and bandmate. If he was in a similar state to you after your conversation about your past, you knew it had been bad. “The last time he was that upset, it was because you weren’t returning his calls because you dropped off the face of the earth. He said you didn’t even tell him where you went. I stayed up with him at night a lot, you know. Back then. I’ve never seen him like that. I certainly don’t ever want to see him like that again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

You looked down at the ground, your eyes burning.

“Yes,” you breathed. You were so quiet, you wondered if he had heard you at all.

“If you make the choice to come back into his life–into our lives–you have to promise me, you’ll never leave him like that again,” Hoseok said, his voice the most serious you had ever heard it.

“I can’t walk away again, Hoseok. It would hurt me too much,” you made eye contact with Hoseok, his jaw clenched with emotion. “If he wants me to stay, I’ll stay. If he wants me to go, I promise you won’t have to see me or think about me ever again.”

Hoseok visibly deflated in front of you at your confession, his jaw unclenching.

“In that case, welcome back, Y/N.” You almost started crying in relief at his words. You knew that you weren’t going to just go back to how things were with any of the boys right away, but this was a start.

“Thank you, Hobi,” you said, voice cracking with relief. He seemed to relax at the familiar name.

“Now come on, Yoongi won’t be happy that I stole you away,” Hobi said, heading back to the kitchen. The boy in question was sitting on a kitchen stool, looking grumpy.

“Hey, hyung, were you looking for someone?” Hobi said teasingly. Yoongi’s head snapped toward his voice, his face lighting when he saw you.

“You came.”

“You invited me, didn’t you?” you said, walking closer to him, brushing your hand gently against his where it rested on his knee. His fingers instinctively trapped yours.

“Are you two going to sit there and make lovey eyes at each other all night, or can we eat?” Jin teased.

You squeezed Yoongi’s fingers, grateful for how easy it was for the eldest member to break the tension in any situation.

You felt right at home.

---

Your sides hurt from laughing so much at dinner. You had watched and tried to keep up with the boys’ antics, smile never leaving your face, your knee brushing against Yoongi’s more times than you could count.  

Yoongi gallantly walked you back to your own apartment door in the building after you hugged all of the members goodbye, thanking them for dinner. Hobi held you for an extra second longer than the rest, seeming to want to move on from the tense conversation the two of you had earlier. Not that you could blame him for being protective of his best friend and brother.

You and Yoongi stood in front of the open apartment door, and you were trying to figure out how to say goodnight to him. It was late, and the two of you had had an inordinately long day, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to say goodbye to him just yet.

Yoongi beat you to it.

“I’m glad you were able to come to dinner tonight,” Yoongi started. “I know that you’d probably rather be at home instead of having to spend the next couple of nights here though.”

“It’s okay, it’s not so bad,” you caved.

“No?” Yoongi took a step forward, his presence engulfing you. “And why is that?”

He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You felt your knees start to buckle before you caught yourself. He leaned into you, his breath fanning out across your lips. Your eyes fluttered at the feeling. He was mere inches away from connecting his lips to yours.  

“You,” you whispered. You waited, expecting to feel his lips on yours, but he pulled back at the last second.

“I should warn you, Y/N–if we start this again, I’m not letting you go. Not this time.”

The fear of being featured on the Twitter trending page and having your picture splashed on magazine covers seemed to take over your mind at the implication of his words. You decided to shove them aside, focusing instead on the man who occupied your thoughts for the past year.

“Then don’t,” you finally said. “Don’t let me go.”

His lips connected with yours, hands finding purchase on your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers slipping into his soft, dark hair. He walked you backward into the apartment, closing the door behind him. Once you heard the click of the door, you knew you had solidified your choice.

You chose him.

Part 4 // Part 6

---

Taglist: @loveyoongles​ @agustd-2020​ @delacyrose224​ @sunshinejunghoseokie​ @jinsearthh​ @alpacaparkaseok​ @sheebaba​ @diamonddia-mond​ @dearyoongii​ @tarahardcore​ @kawaiiixchan

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[lgcyuan]

𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝟎𝟎𝟗;  𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐎.

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘,  BAEKHYUN’s MONOLOGUE�� /  이유안— 𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 /  1:47-3:07, THEN 4:13-4:30  /  1 MIN, 37 SEC !!

although the world of entertainment is still rather new to him, there’s something about acting that lee yuan has sunk his teeth into. out of everything that legacy entertainment has to offer to their prospective talents, it’s the one thing that he’s been able to get a firm grip on. singing and rapping don’t make any sense to him, and while he’s not a terrible dancer naturally, he’s nowhere near the level of some of the others who’ve been doing so for many years. that, and well, it’s difficult for him to pick up choreography at quick speeds, and that alone is incredibly discouraging in practice. however, being that he had to don a mask throughout all of his childhood, stepping into the shoes of someone else comes easily to him. it sounds sad, but he’s glad that he’s able to use this “ skill ” to his benefit nowadays.

being the golden child that his parents always dreamed of was a role that was sadly forced upon him, but luckily for him, he performed it with precision and ease — knowing just what to say and when to say it; knowing when to smile or cry to elicit certain reactions from his mom and dad; duping them into thinking that he was interested in the life they had planned out for him for years until he broke their hearts by following in his brother’s footsteps; which was their worst nightmare.

without exactly realizing it, yuan’s been an actor-in-training since he was old enough to form his own sentences, so when an acting opportunity rolls his way despite no longer being a débuted actor in the company, he jumps at it with vigor and drive; wanting — no, needing — to succeed in order to prove to his seniors that he’s capable of focusing, working hard, and delivering solid performances. maybe that’ll be enough for them to loosen the reins they have on him. he can only hope that it’s sufficient. he’s being driven crazy due the solitude he’s been placed in.

though, during said solitude, he’s been memorizing monologues for fun. he genuinely thought he wouldn’t need to use them for a long time, but much to his delight, he’s been proven wrong. now, he stands in front of the camera in anticipation of recording his take; running through his lines internally — words flowing how he learned them. it’s important for him to show off crisp enunciation, as well as a diverse range of emotions, throughout the piece. there’s nothing he’d loathe more than coming across one note. if he’s being frank, it’s pretty easy to do that in this particular clip. it’s from one of the first dramas he considered a favorite, and it’s gratifying to him that he’’ll be performing it now that he’s roughly the same age as the character in the show.

when the time comes to start, he watches as the camera operator raises his hand and does a silent countdown, and in those three seconds, yuan takes a deep breath, and dives right in the second he’s given the green light. “ hi, i’m lee yuan — a trainee within legacy entertainment. today, i will be performing hwang baekhyun’s monologue from ‘ master of study ’ episode two. thank you for your time and consideration, and please anticipate more from me in the future !! ” with that, he bows at a perfect ninety-degree angle, and when he rises back up, he’s already in character; unveiling a totally new expression from before. one that’s smug; angry.

“ 개 폼은. 죽을 힘 다해 공부하면 서울대에 가 ?? 룰을 만드는 사람이 되라고. 그딴 거 누가 몰라서 안 해 ?? 똥통 학교 다닌다고 우리가 그런 것도 모를 줄 알아 ?!! ”

the conviction in his voice is strong; it quivers with a soft passion and the last sentence is a resounding boom. he pauses, changing beat and tone to match the mood of the monologue; trying not to copy the original actor’s portrayal.

“ 우리 학교 애들이 어떤 애들인지 알아 ?? 양쪽 부모 온전히 있는 애들, 반도 안 돼. 학교 땡 끝나면, 알바하러 돌아다니는 놈들 천지야. 지 용돈이라도 벌어야 되거든. 그렇다고, 부모님 둘 다 있는 놈들은 쫌 난가 ?? ”

this portion tugs at his heartstrings, and he uses the emotion to add layers of wistfulness and melancholy to his delivery; softening his speech as he describes, wholly in character, the dire circumstances of the students at the school they attend.

“ 먹고 살기 바빠서, 맨날 자는 얼굴밖에 못 봐. 아님, 허구 헌 날 술에 쩔어서 맛 열라 나가 계시거나. 쫌 살면서 엄마차 타고 멀리서 원정 오는 놈들도 있지. 내신 등급이나 잘 받아 보겠다고! 아님... 집에서 내 논 자식이거나! 이런 놈들한테 뭐 ?? 서울대를 가라고? 뭐 어디랑 내기라도 하셨나 ?? 애들 한 놈 당 얼마씩 받기로 했어?뭐, 카메라 숨겨 놨어 ?? ”

in the actual scene itself, the other character counters him, but being that he’s transformed this into a solo display, he takes another pause; recalling the lines given by the lawyer in the drama to fuel his reaction. there’s a wrath that bubbles within his abdomen — one he knows he’ll have to tend to later — and his blood boils in his veins; doing his best at capturing what baekhyun was going through in that moment while also keeping in mind what transpired in episode one to add depth. he also infuses some of the anger he feels towards his own company for keeping him away from aiden for so long; aiming at making it feel as real as possible with his own touch.

“ 이씨 누가 겁먹는 대 ?! 그러니까 내 말은! 잘 알지도 못 하면서 함부로 지껄이지 말라는 거야 !! 그렇게 할 말이 많으면 국회 앞으로 가든가 !! 찌질한 변호사 생활 쪽팔리니까 애들 미끼로 시선 끌려고 하지 말고, 우리 학교에서 꺼져 !! ”

he sees red, and his lips tremble with rage; hands shaking at the amount of adrenaline that’s zooming through him as he hollers out the last bit with desperation and fury; going big for the finish. it takes him a second to cool down once he’s done, and after a long sigh, he bows yet again; a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he erects his posture to face the camera; transitioning back to himself gradually. “ thank you again !! ” yuan concludes, then leans against the wall behind him; exhausted.

[linane-art]

Wales Comic Con - Saturday

My experiences after the first day of the Con under the cut:

Dean 1

(In the autographs section. Dean only ever seems to have a short queue, 4-5 people, which I find sad, but understandable, considering the amount of Doctor Who and Good Omens craziness going on)

Me: I don't actually want anything, but I wanted to give you a gift.

Dean: Oh, is it from Santa? (Gift bag says 'special delivery from Santa')

Me: No, I'm afraid in this case it's just from me.

Dean: Oh, okay, what is it?

Me: Well, I understand you've just had a little one, who you've waited for for a very long time. So I made you a baby blanket!

Dean: Oh, a baby blanket?

Me: Well, it kept growing, so it's actually more like a toddler blanket now.

Dean: A baby blanket is actually really useful! Coz what we do is we chuck a blanket outside onto the grass and she likes playing out there. So blankets are good!

Me: Great! But presumably you're going back on a plane, right?

Dean: Yes.

Me: So is this going to be a problem? Because it's bulky and heavy? Because if yes, I'm perfectly happy to mail it to your agent or wherever else you like.

Dean: Well, actually that would be good, because I pretty much didn't bring any luggage with me. But now I feel bad about causing you an extra cost!

Me: No, it's no problem at all! I'll get it sent! To your agent? The address on the internet?

Dean: Yeah, the NZ one. Well, at least let me get you an autograph!

Me: No, I don't really need one...

Dean: Come on, on the house!

Me: Okay, go on then.

Dean: *Scribbles an autograph*

Me: And then I also brought something extra... *Pulls out 3 mini bottle Welsh whiskey sampler set* I figured you might need sleeping aids these days.

Dean: What is it? *Eyes it*

Assistant: Ooooooh, that's the good stuff, you want that! It's Welsh whiskey!

Dean: But I can't take that on the plane!

Assistant: Drink it tonight!

Dean: Oh yeah! That'll be for tonight with Aidan then! Thanks! *Keeps the set, puts it to one side*

Me: Awesome! Well, hope you'll enjoy it, and I'll get the baby blanket sent! I think it should even get there before Christmas!

Dean: Appreciate it! Seeya!

(Dean is very Kiwi about everything. Practical, cool, focussed. I think I built myself up too much with my blanket...)

---

Aidan 1

Aidan: Hi, how are ya? How you doing? *Shakes hands with me*

Me: I'm good! You must be really bored by now of saying 'hi, how are you' to people!

Aidan: Nah, it's always great meeting new people, I enjoy it! *Lean back, stretch, ARMS*

Me: *gathering my wits about me* Well I'm after an autograph, but I also come bearing gifts! *Proceeds to explain the details of the autograph*

Aidan: *scribbling* Did you say you came bearing gifts?

Me: I did! I got you some mince pies -

Aidan: Mince pies? Nice...

Me: - And then there's this... *Pulls out 3 mini bottle Welsh whiskey sampler set*

Aidan: *helps me pull it out* Ooooooh!

Me: I thought with you being Irish you might want to compare and contrast...

Aidan: *opening the box, smiling*

Me: Or perhaps you might want to share it with Dean tonight, because Dean has had his own supply -

Aidan: Tonight?! *Comparing the bottles, picks one, opens*

Me: Oh! You wanted to try -

Aidan: *Lifts the lift of his coffee cup to the side, starts pouring the whiskey, looking happier by the minute -*

Aidan: *- and pouring*

Aidan: *- and pouring*

Aidan: *until the bottle is empty. Stashes it under the table. Takes a sizeable sip, little tasting, face lights up like the sun*

Aidan: Oh yeah!

Nearby people: *giggles*

Me: Right.

Aidan: Thank you so much, that's great!

Me: No problem! Glad you like it! Thank you so much for coming despite your schedule changes and not canceling on us!

Aidan: No, it's a pleasure! Thank you and take care now! Have a great Con!

(Aidan is very warm and genuine. What you see on the screen is exactly what you get in real life. I think he doesn't so much act as he just wanders in front of the camera and delivers lines, as himself, whilst looking pretty. I have seen the staff ask him to go quicker, coz the queue was slow. He said: "I'm going exactly as fast as I want to be going". Everybody got 3-5 mins conversation with him, a handshake or a hug and an authentic interaction. Aidan was meant to be there 12-3. He was still there around 5 from what I've seen.)

---

Dean 2:

Me: Hi, me again! This time on business!

Dean: Oh, hello!

Me: *Explains details of an autograph I need*

Dean: *Proceeds to scribble an autograph*

Aidan: *Shouting from the next table* Hey, Dean!

Dean: *Eyes him*

Aidan: *Pulling out a giant bottle of some alcohol someone gave him in a brown paper bag, looking positively gleeful*

Dean: *Automatically reaches for his little whiskey set* I got some too!

Me: I feel out-done now! Next time you're getting a bigger bottle!

Dean: *laughs*

---

Other things I've seen:

Aidan making a little scrap paper ball and tossing it at Dean to get his attention

Dean picking up a BB Gandalf and hoisting him on his hip for a photo. (BB Gandalf was reaching up maybe to my hip, including the entire height of his sizeable pointy hat)

(To the photographer after his first photo op shot) Dean saying: "Let me see, I want to check how I look!" while tossing back his imaginary hair and combing through it with his hand.

I've also seen a lot of big stars and other stars to the tune of: "and who are you and what have I seen you in again?!"

I've met up with @durincrafts @chelidona @silva-13 and @zulfiya-the-warrior-princess​ and had a lovely meal and a catch-up - great meeting you girls!

AND HELD AND PETTED AN ACTUAL LIVE OWL, HOW COOL IS THAT?!

12/10 would recommend! Loved it! So, so tired! Can't wait for tomorrow!

I leave you with this: pictured below is my best friend @wyvernchick and her cute little owl. ...AND THEN THERE'S MY PSYCHO BIRD...

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

if i hear even one person say how thought provoking, "hilarious", or "good" quentin tarantino's once upon a time in hollywood was, i will literally flip this motherfucking virtual table right out the window.

it was shit. the acting was fantastic (apart from the scene at the very end).

but other than that, there was NO story, there were SEVERAL plotlines left untied, the plotlines that were important didn't even make an appearance until the last 20 min of the 3 fucking hour film, and the most "hilarious" scene? was actually just making fun of a depressed alcoholic creative person as he had a meltdown in his trailer (i literally cried during this scene. and not tears of laughter. because this scene was so fucking sad but everyone was laughing at him which just made it that much more sad. i think every depressed creative person can relate to me when i say that years of mental anguish over not being good enough and embarrassing myself in front of people and wanting to end my own life because i wasn't good at anything, all just came flooding back to me. and people were laughing, which was just a delightful reflection of the modern world).

oh yeah, and did i forget to mention that tarantino seemed to imply that it was sharon tate's own fault for getting murdered? because she "had a type" which was apparently "short dark haired dudes who looked like they could be 12 years old" or some messed up shit like that. and apparently that "type" fit the profile for charles manson, who, in a scene during the film, showed up to her house one afternoon. sharon tate proceeded to make eyes at manson's character from her front porch step. THAT plotline was never mentioned again, but we seem to get the gist of what good ol' Q thinks about that when tied in with what happened in real life.

also a whole fucking scene thrown in there about underage girls wanting to be fucked by old ass men who pick them up on the side of the road as they're hitch hiking, and that they "don't care that they're not old enough" because "i think both you and i know that i'm old enough to fuck you". this was all said by this underage teenage girl, by the way, who got picked up off the side of the road by brad pitt's character- the brooding machismo guy who can kick anybody's ass, even when tripping balls deep in acid, who every male in the audience obviously wants to either project themselves onto or aspires to be, even though the dude allegedly murdered his wife and got away with it.

now the reason for murdering his wife? all explained in one very short scene where she has about 3 lines of dialogue verbally demeaning him. i think the worst thing she says (holding a bloody mary and clearly drunk while she says it btw) is that he's a loser and everyone was right about him. then she tells him she wants to fight. and the scene cuts off but, well, i think we can all guess what happened. now, i don't think she should've called him a loser. but he also shouldn't have fucking murdered her for calling him a loser you complete psychopath.

yeah. it was fucked. and the end scene? yikes. maya hawke was the only redeeming factor of the last 20 minutes, but stranger things fans don't go seeing this movie for her. she's in it for all of 3 minutes and has maybe 4 lines.

the whole thing just seemed like some overhyped masturbatory excuse to write about a cult murder, shoot some scenes with old cameras/film, and use a flamethrower. admittedly the flamethrower was cool. the rest of it and quentin tarantino can eat my bloody ass after i've digested that shitshow.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I ripped up my pop-up laundry basket because I was so pissed that somebody or even the delivery stole my 2 boxes of pizza and the cheese bread off of our front porch and I paid dominos $30 for it.

I had to call them to see if he dropped it off at the wrong house or just didn't pay attention. Cause I came downstairs to check at 4:55 and nothing was there, then I went back outside at 5:00, still nothing....opposite to what my dominos tracker said.

And I bought this fucking pizza to make my day because I was so tired, depressed, and sick of being reminded of Jay while watching porn, changing videos that it made me cry because of how she used to sexually reject in the middle of us having sex and then would tell Ayunna to do my work just because I made one mistake or just really wanted to just sit there and watch. I don't understand what made her so non-interactive with me sexually even though she was the one who always initiated. And she acted like she hated the idea of me even touching in any kind of way without her permission, but it was okay if she touched me innappropiately or harassed me at their place?

She's a sicko, a sicko psycho.

And mom, not even giving a fuck that someone stole the food I was finna share pissed me off even further. She goes, "well, at least it will help you save money. You don't need to be buying no food anyway."

Bitch stfu.

And then Dominos actually thinking I'm the one lying about this. We've ordered food and bought pizza from them for years and this is the 1st time that we've ever got our delivery food stolen. Like wtffffff.

And mom knows good and damn well if I would have said that to her if one of her Amazon Packages got stolen, she would have cussed me out or told me to shut up.

She so fucking rude and I really don't wanna move out to no bummy ass looking apartment when I move out, just because the prices are so fucking in the area I'm trying to move into.

I don't wanna move to a different city with the same issue? Bitch if somebody steal anything from me, packages, mail, food, I pop the fuck off and mom was so nonchalant and passive about it, even when I asked her to check the ring camera to see if anyone took it.

It don't add up to me how there was barely anyone outside and the one day I order pizza because I feel unhappy, I get this fucking news and that bitches mouth.

Dominos gave me partial money back and kept the $4 tip. I'm still pissed because I don't believe or understand how can my food get stolen less than 5 min from what it said on the app, unless he arrived earlier than what it said 🤔

And nobody told me what time he came. He didn't even ask me was I alright. Talking about "well believe you this time. But we're not coming back."

Like WTFFF I GOT MY PIZZA TOOK AND NOW YOU WANNA BE A SMARTASS ABOUT ME STILL EVEN WANTING TO ORDER MORE

FUCK YOU, FUCK MOMS SARCASTIC, EGOMANIAC MOUTH, FUCK THIS HOUSE, FUCK THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, AND FUCK THIS PTSD THAT STOPS ME FROM ENJOYING PORN AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN.

IM TIRED OF THIS FUCKING JOB MARKET THATS SO DAMN CRITICAL IN JOB EXPERIENCE AND PROGRAMS.

BITCH IF I GOT 6YRS EXPERIENCE AND I GOT MY BACHELOR’S WTFFFFF IS GOING ON IN HR

THEY ACT LIKE 6YRS AINT WORTH SHIT IF YOU DONT HAVE EXACTLY TO THE FUCKING T OF WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

AND MOM AND DAD THINKS ITS SO FUCKING EASY FOR ME TO JUST APPLY AND WAIT FOR ANOTHER FUCKING JOB, ONLY FOR THEIR PRIVILEGED, SUPPRESSING, CORPORATE ASSES TO TELL ME NO.

IVE BEEN WAITTTTTING SINCE JANNUUUUUUAAAARRRRRYYYYYYYT MMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFF

SO HOW THE FUCK YOU SAY I CAN JUST APPLY HERE AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE IN FUCKING WACKED OUT MICHIGAN WITHOUT SOMEBODY SAYING "WE FOUND BETTER, QUALIFIED CANDIDATES"

Like as if my own life history on this fucking resume doesn't mean shit to them. Makes me think I went to school and did dual enrollment to get out quicker, for nothing 🙃

Wtf is wrong with this world. It's exactly why I say fuck Michigan economy. Now I gotta work factory just to even save up for a car, rent is high af, student loans finna come find my ass, and I don't have a girlfriend because I'm trying to wait till I have an affordable apartment and a car that won't break down on me on the highway in the middle of us driving to Vancouver.

Driving school is only $500. But in order for me to save up for a car, I gotta stay in a $600 or less place cause otherwise imma have to wait a whole entire year to save up for a car, the insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs by the end of next year...so no...fuck that.

With this fucking salary, I'm basically feel like shit because my own fucking friend who's middle class and actually stayed longer to get her masters after I graduated....is already banking a better job, work from home, and I hate complaining to Her about my worries.

And she's the one that inspired me to even go back for the masters. Because they treat you like secondhand condom shit just for having a Bachelor’s. Like it ain't good enough no more. Then when you try to apply to places for the experience that you needed to work another job that denied you, you still get denied by them too because they said your major doesn't match and why you wanna work here if you studied this?

CAUSE YALLL AINT GOT NO JOBS FOR WTF I STUDIED STOP READING FUCKING EVERYTHING SUSAN. I AINT GOT TIME TO EVEN ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT THAT

it's like they really don't care in the 1st place, they just wanna know if you qualify and half the time I be lying about why I wAnNA wOrK hErE because yall cats read into people shit and judge them for just trying to make a living just to even have a place to stay and eat healthy food so a bitch can find better partners than the fuckbois and users on tinder.

I'm soooooo damn tired of being judged, mocked, criticized, and being rejected. And then the past mocking me about old rejections that I'm still waiiiiittttttiiingggggg for me to heal from. A year or nor, my heart still feels like it's January, thinking about everything and why did I block Jay when they reached out?

I was afraid that she would have just lied to me again, pushed me away even harder because I had already left, and then blocked me after. When I'm the one who chose to leave, I'm the one who is hurt, why did they always make it seem like my pain came last to their pain. Like it was always about serving them, doing what they said, what they wanted just because they were the couple, and took over every God Damn thing, and kept pushing me away, neglecting my emotions, manipulating and etc.

I don't even wanna talk about the same shit that happened anymore. But my brain does, my heart does. Because I remember everything. My heart can't make the pain go away, but I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of crying about it and I hate that people in this house can trigger my actions to tear up shit, scream at the top of my lungs like a damn scarecrow on DragonBall Z, I'm tired of mom triggering me to think she hates my actions and the way that I think say or do something she doesn't agree about or care about, so she comments on everything little thing she despises.

When I'm already struggling to be happy. She does not give a fuck. And I bet if I told her I was feeling suicidal holding that wire from the laundry basket in my hand, feeling manic so I strangled my palms, my knuckles, and squeezed the crap out of that wire hoping it would make me forget about ripping up that piece of shit hamper, and make the irritation, that need to strangle somebody, something to make this itch go away to attack my mother with my words and tell her TO HURT HER OWN GOD DAMN FEELINGS INSTEAD OF KEEP HURTING MINE, YOU ARROGANT, COCKY ASS SON OF A BITCH AND I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO TO ME. PIERCING IN MY FUCKING BACK, THE DRY ASS, PETTY ASS RESPONSES TO WHEN IM GOING THROUGH SHIT.

BUT LET ME SAY ONE LITTLE THING ABOUT YOU OR EVEN TALK ABOUT GRANDMA YO ASS ACT LIKE I JUST SINNED AND CURSED YO NAME OUT.

SO YOU GET A HISSY FIT AND TELL ME STOP TALKING OR TO SHUT UP.

QUIT TELLING ME TO SHUT UP HOE

I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO BUT HERE AND IM NOT FINNA SUFFER THROUGH THIS BY MYSELF. IM BUYING ME SOME FUCKING PIZZA AND YOU WILL NOT DRIVE MY ASS CRAZY AGAIN.

I'm sick of the ptsd episodes and I'm sick of waiting on other people to give me what I need, so if she got something to say about it, imma let her fucking have it. Cause I'm sick and tired of holding my mouth for her, and her ordering me to shut up, while she gets to sat however she fucking feels about each and little she feels the need to pick at.

Let her country, dumbass catch this heat. Imma bounce it right back to her and she ain't gonna like it. And I don't care if she wants me to just tolerate it anymore, she gon end up dead in her heart too if ever tried to kill me like she did that night in March. She showed no mercy, no remorse, and no she had not stood by her promise to make our relationship work as mother and daughter. She just said that so she didn't have to feel like a dick for her own daughter leaving her out the picture by going to her other mother, the one who understood her sensitivities and actually listened to my needs.

And that was Grandma Clara Jamison.

I hate to say it but, God why? Why did both of my grandma's have to fade. My other grandma don't even remember who I am. And If I talk to my own mom, about her mom, and say that she won't care to comfort me at all. She'll just angry that I made her feel bad because of my emotional response.

So I don't tell her anything. Cause my mom reminds me of how the terrible twins responded to me about being too sensitive, too emotional, to where they even blocked me and abandoned me. Made me suffer alone.

Just like my own mother is doing now, and it's driving my ass crazy. That she's them. Not my ex, but a narcissistic asshole, the bipolar freak who flips out and I can't come to her when I'm in pain, sadness, depression, or grief, anger even.

Because she ridicules me for having a strong feeling about something that doesn't matter. So she talks shit, goes away, or pushes me away when I try telling her in my most vulnerable state.

Which is when I'm crying or about to cry. I can't even come to my own mother about giving up and moving away to the mountains or a cabin or just committing suicide with pain pills. But she doesn't think about that. She doesn't think that her constant neglecting me, is showing me, I can't trust her.

And that's exactly how I did Jay, and walked away.

I'm there for you, but you're not there for me?

I'm out.

And I'm tired of just giving and getting hurt in return because you don't care about the situation that I'm in, nor do you care to listen.

So don't get all I'm ready to come whoop yo.ass or call the police on me again, just because I didn't answer my phone. You hurt me momma, repeatedly and you show out every so.often and I'm tired of getting disappointed and crying by myself because you don't come check on me when I isolate myself from you in the house. My back hurts everytime she does that, cause she triggers a memory that I can't forget.

I could have hit my head, got a concussion, or even broke my neck if I didn't catch my fall and pushed you back, because you decides that night Kylee doesn't get to talk. You came at me yelling and pushing and thought that I would just take that fall down those metal basement steps for you and that everything would go back to normal the next day?

Like that fight you had with Dad just last week where you punched him in his nose, screaming and cussing at him over you being in pain and him not showing you enough care. So you hit him anyway, then he puts you in chokehold and me and my sisters are supposed to just forget that anything happened???

We have to process all the crazy, toxic shit yall do to us or in front of us BY OURRRSEELLLVESSSS

My lil sister is 18 and was trying to stop a 6'1 grown man from beating yo.ass up. And on top of that, the same grown man was pushing me back too on my own chest.

But we're supposed to just go back to normal, assemble the stage, make yall two feel happy after yall so called talked it our when literally 3 days ago, yall slept in different places, dad at his dead moms house in grand Rapids, you at a hotel.room for a different night, and him on the couch after he came back.

Whyyy the fuck are yall so damn passive about this shit, but if I bring it up or even ask about Grandma, my ass get handed to.

He's not fine. Yall are not okay. It shouldn't be imma put my hands on you just because you pissed me off and you're supposed to love me tomorrow, no matter how much I scar you or hurt your face.

Like brainwashing, forced brainwashing to accept that shit is okay. as long as i never say anything about it, I'm not in trouble or receive neglect.

Yall are the most manipulative people I ever met. And Dominos I want my $4 back too mf. Tip should come back too.

[feathermark-blog]

Chapter One

6 months past after Jungkook broke it off with his 4 year boyfriend, Taehyung. He wasn't sad but he wasn't happy either. The emotions that he was feeling now was just normal. It made him rethink about the feelings he had for Taehyung. Maybe it was a sign that he already moved on. Maybe.

Ever since he assigned Hoseok to be Mr. Min's secretary, he was in need of a new one. Hoseok served as Jungkook's personal secretary for 3 years. Hoseok got to attend parties and meetings Jungkook had during those years. He even has free passes to go to Jungkook's house. Which may be the reason on why Taehyung and Hoseok had a thing.

Taehyung was a college student who was in the verge of graduating when he met Jungkook. They have been together for 3 years before Taehyung and Hoseok started feeling something for each other. Taehyung rarely goes out and if he does, he would just go to the coffee shop or the office. Ever since Taehyung graduated, Jungkook offered him a job at his own company. It was to keep an eye on him and also spend time with him. But it turns out to be a way for Taehyung to fall for someone else.

Jungkook saw the signs. He definitely saw what was happening between Taehyung and Hoseok but he chose to ignore it due to the fact that he trust Taehyung and Hoseok. But all that trust broke when Jungkook went to Taiwan for a business meeting. That was when something happened between Taehyung and Hoseok and Jungkook was there watching everything.

Jungkook knew something was going on but he didn't have any evidence to confront Taehyung about it. He placed security cameras all over the house and watched what was happening 24/7. Jungkook didn't have Hoseok with him when he went to Taiwan. His reason for not being able to join Jungkook was that his mother in Gwangju was sick and that he had to take care of her.

Jungkook knew something didn't add up so he allowed Hoseok to go back to Gwangju and personally bought him a train ticket. Hoseok was scheduled to board the train one hour before Jungkook's flight to Taiwan which made it hard for Hoseok to escape. Jungkook even drove Hoseok to the Train Station and watched as the train sets its course to Gwangju. The minute the train stopped on the way, Hoseok got off the train and bought a ticket back to Seoul. Jungkook knew all of that.

Jungkook had placed a chip on Hoseok's jacket before his train to Gwangju arrived. Other than that, he had a spy.

The second Jungkook sat down on his seat, his phone started buzzing.

"Boss, he got off" said the man as he followed Hoseok running off, trying to catch the next train to Seoul.

Jungkook balled his fist in anger as he gritted his teeth.

"I will no longer need your services, Mr. An. Thank you for your work" said Jungkook then he hanged up.

When Jungkook arrived in Taiwan before night time. When he arrived at his hotel, he quickly took his laptop out and watched all of the footages the cameras caught.

And there it was.

Taehyung and Hoseok.

A painful memory was all thats left.

Jungkook didn't want to remember it anymore. The more he thinks about it, the more it angers him.

"Mr. Jeon?"

Jungkook raised his eyebrow and turned his chair to take a look at his visitor.

He then saw a man wearing a white polo shirt and dress pants and shoes. He was wearing his company ID and eyeglasses.

"Mr. Han is expecting you now" said the man.

Jungkook smiled at the sight of the man. It was his new personal secretary. He was Jungkook's secretary before but he promoted him to be his PA the second Hoseok packed up all of his things.

"He just arrived from Toronto and he said he has to see you as soon as possible" said the man.

"Can you come here please?" said Jungkook.

"Sir?" said the man. He was surprise at Jungkook's request.

"It won't take long. I would just like to tell you something" said Jungkook.

His smile started growing as the man walks towards him.

"Mr. Jeon, Mr. Han really needs to see you now. He urgently wants to meet you" said the man as he walked up to Jungkook.

Jungkook stood up the second the man was right in front of his desk.

"Mr. Han clearly said that he has some important things he wants to discuss with you" said the man as Jungkook walked towards the man who was clearly worried that Jungkook might not take this meeting seriously. Especially because of the things that happened to him 6 months ago.

Jungkook pressed his lips towards the man's pink ones and wrapped his arms around the man's waist. He wasted no time in initiating the kiss making the man respond.

They fight for dominance as they felt their bodies started to heat with the touch of each other. The man placed his hands behind Jungkook's head and started gripping his hair, pulling him closer to his lips as their kiss fires up.

They pulled away after a minute, trying to catch their breathe. Jungkook smiled at the sight of the man and pecked his lips in return.

"I'll see you later?" said Jungkook as he watch the man continue to breathe heavily.

The man smiled and nodded.

"Yeah" said the man.

"Please be reminded that I want to see a caramel macchiatto in my desk the moment my meeting is over" said Jungkook.

"Yes, Mr. Jeon" said the man.

He pulled away from the man and started walking towards the door. He then stopped with a thought and smiled. He turned around and gave the man a small smile.

"And I also expect a certain someone by the name of Park Jimin inside this office ready to finish what we started" said Jungkook.

The man smiled.

"Certainly, Mr. Jeon" said the man.

"Thank you. You may now go back to your work, Mr. Park" said Jungkook then he walked out of the room, leaving Jimin blushing to himself.

Jimin and Jungkook's relationship started the moment Jungkook started losing some of his business partners. Due to the fact that Taehyung was his source of energy, when they broke up, Jungkook was like a corpse. He wanted nothing to do with anything. Jimin was there. He brought back Jungkook.

Jimin experienced the tough job of being yelled at and be constantly called by the devil named Jungkook for Jimin to do more work than he was supposed to do. Jimin understood Jungkook's situation that's why he never complained.

Jimin was always at Jungkook's house preparing him for a day at work since Jungkook was too lazy to do it himself. He was acting like Taehyung which made Jungkook furious. He wanted nothing to do with Taehyung nor does he want anything to remind him of Taehyung and seeing Jimin take care of him reminded him of Taehyung.

They started dating after Jimin told him off. He needed to fix himself, he knows that but nothing gave him a reason for it. Jimin gave him the reason.

"I know what you're going through. I've been there and i'm still experiencing it up to this day but you should know that you have to fix yourself. You shouldn't let him effect you so much. Everyone in the company needs you, Mr. Jeon" said Jimin as he watched Jungkook look down.

"I need you" said Jimin then Jungkook looked up at him.

Sea (1/__)

[boominlucas]

STUDIO (DRIVE 6)

1  2  3  4  5  6  7

Yoongi’s p.o.v.

Yoongi was finishing up one last beat and taking his headphones off when heard it. Your laugh. He’d recognize it anywhere, it was his favorite sound. Even after all these years, he was still in love with you. He couldn’t lie to himself, you were on his mind every second of every day for the past seven years. Glancing to the photo placed on his desk of the two of you his mind went back to the day that you had taken it…

You had grasped his hand and dragged him out of the coffee shop for what you called a ‘fun day’, but all he could think about was how he was leaving that night. And he didn’t have the guts to tell you. The two of you had stopped by at least three parks so far, and now were going to the movies, but not for the reason he was expecting.

When you saw the photo booth you squealed and dragged him in, “C’mon Yoongs, let’s take some funny pictures.” You told him making him sit down next to you. He snaked his arm around your waist and you threw your arm over his shoulders.

“OH! Do you remember that time that I was trying to swing and you pushed me so hard that I fell off?” you mentioned and started laughing.

Yoongi couldn’t help laughing along with you, “I swear you’re so clumsy sometimes…” he said mid-laughter.

You pressed the button to start the booth, both of you smiling messes.

*flash*

You ruffled his hair, and he scrunched his nose

*flash*

He laughed with his head thrown back, followed by you laughing the same

*flash*

The both of you looked back to the camera, you leaning your head on his shoulder.

*flash*

Yoongi got snapped out of his flashback when he heard the door to the studio opening, “Oh Yoongi! You’re still here, I’d like to introduce you to our new marketing manager.” Namjoon spurted out.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you…. Yoongi? was it?” You smiled politely and bowed, acting as if this was the very first time you had met him.

So many emotions washed over him in that single moment, confusion, guilt, regret, heartbreak, anger, sadness. He couldn’t bring any words to his mouth for a few seconds.

“Uh-uhm yeah, Min Yoongi…that’s me…” He stuttered. Yoongi looked at you almost like he had seen a ghost, his skin going slightly paler and his palms becoming sweaty with the nerves setting in on him.

Namjoon observed him from your side, “You okay man? How long have you been at this? You look sick…” he mentioned.

You looked away from Yoongi and took a step away from Namjoon, carefully removing your hand from his. Yoongi watched your conjoined hands as your fingers slipped out of his leader’s. He shook his head and scratched the back of his neck, “Um, yeah I’m fine. Only been here for a few hours…not long.” He commented and sat back down in his chair, paying more attention to the computer in front of him.

Namjoon and you had sat down on the couch just behind him, and as Namjoon was telling all about their new album, he was looking at the pictures that sat right in his view. He knew why Namjoon was acting that way with you. He didn’t know who you were beside their new marketing manager. He and the rest of the boys had no idea that you were the girl he left behind in Daegu. The love of his life that he left without saying a word.

The girl whose heart was broken by him, and it was only confirmed that he did indeed break your heart when he saw you on the street.

The pain in your eyes when you looked at him, he still hasn’t forgotten that.

He couldn’t.

Not when that same pain looked at him every time he looked in the mirror.

I was originally going to post this in part 5 but decided it needed its own part! enjoy! 

[meepface]

i’m in a mood and i’m bored please ignore

1: Name 

elyse

2: Age

20

3: 3 Fears

settling for less than i deserve or for something i don’t want just because happiness seems too hard or would hurt someone, the ocean, scorpions

4: 3 things I love

making people laugh, holding hands w my girlfriend and walking past another gay couple or someone in a LGBTQ+ related shirt n smilin at each other, when dogs have the lil tiny stump tails and they wag em so fast, when candles smell like christmas

5: 4 turns on

freckles, ambition/drive/passion for something, humility, uhhh also eye contact during sex can also be super hot

6: 4 turns off

apathy, moodiness, arrogance, people who are extremely loud all the time

7: My best friend

i have two and they’re great!! one leaves for japan in two days though and she’ll be gone for a month so that highkey sucks for me but she’s gonna have a blast. n my other best friend is so good to me she always takes care of me n listens to me and the other day she bought me alcohol so that was nice

8: Sexual orientation

bisexual but maybe just gay? idk i would date a boy but prolly wouldn’t fuck a boy ya know but i’d do both with a girl so who knows

9: My best date

this question originally said “my best first date” but most of em have been goin to movies and so i changed it bc my best date just in general was probably when my gf and i went and ate at our favorite place to eat n then we banged in her car in a department store parking lot and then afterwards she was like “wait nobody’s at my house i’m sneakin u over” bc her mom can be a lil weird about me going to her house so i never really do and i had never seen her room so she snuck me over to her house n we cuddled on her bed n she showed me this shoebox she has in her room with every tiny lil gift i’d ever given her in it and it made me cry a little. another nice date was when it was flooding at our university and so they canceled classes and we went to walgreens and bought shirts bc ours were soaked from the rain and i bought socks bc my socks got Wet bc i stepped in a puddle and we just stayed in my car and ate candy in our comfy clothes waitin for the rain to let up and yeah TMI ahead but basically she ended up eating me out for the first time so that was nice lol

10: How tall am I

5′7

11: What do I miss

i dunno i already miss my best friend Kate even tho she doesn’t leave for Japan until Wednesday morning. also i kinda miss how things were before this year bc my life was less chaotic and stressful and sad last year and now i’m in a rut a lil bit

12: What time was I born

uhh 11:30 somethin AM

13: Favorite color

i like cerulean which is sorta like a teal blue and then yellow and then brown and then dark green

14: Do I have a crush

ya i have a gf

15: Favorite quote

“if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”

16: Favorite place

i like to be in my bedroom a lot but there’s also this roof i go to with friends a lot that’s really nice at night and i have so many memories there. it’s a really happy place for me

17: Favorite food

i like japanese food but not the seafood kind

18: Do I use sarcasm

no never

19: What am I listening to right now

praying // kesha

20: First thing I notice in new person

i guess just their general vibe

22: Eye color

very green but they were blue for a good half of my life which is kinda weird bc they’re so green now lmao

23: Hair color

red lmao

24: Favorite style of clothing

idk i go through a million styles in a week but my fave is just a cute oversized shirt n leggings bc it’s comfy and effortless

25: Ever done a prank call?

oh yeah i used to do a ton, i even used to have a character that i’d prank call people with actually. her name was Sonya and she sold breast enhancement cream

27: Meaning behind my URL

that’s actually a secret lmao

28: Favorite movie

the secret life of walter mitty

29: Favorite song

uhh idk but lately i’ve loved do re mi by blackbear 

30: Favorite band

twenty one pilots (can i make it any more obvious that i hate myself), two door cinema club, of monsters and men, the 1975, the wonder years

31: How I feel right now

generally okay?? today was a nice day but i’ve felt sorta sick all day and i haven’t been sleeping enough so that’s making me a big ol emotional baby so i feel like i could have a breakdown at any given minute but for the most part i am good tonight

32: Someone I love

my girlfriend

33: My current relationship status

taken

34: My relationship with my parents

oh i love em to death but sometimes they’re difficult n the two of em weren’t meant to be together honestly so i think they’d be better off n a lot less stressful to be around if they divorced but it’s okay maybe they will work it out

35: Favorite holiday

christmas eve. it’s so much better than christmas day!!!! 

36:Tattoos and piercing i have

i have a sun and moon tattoo on each wrist and the word “lovely” on my left bicep and i’m gonna get more but that’s all for now. n i have three piercings, one on one ear and two on the other. i was supposed to have two on both ears but one got infected and i didn’t know what to do so i took the piercing out and it fucked it up and it closed up so i gotta go get it repierced someday but that’s annoying so i just haven’t bothered yet

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

don’t want anymore piercings after i get that one redone tbh. but i want a pine tree tattoo i think on my ankle and a equals sign tattoo but idk where yet and lil mountains on my shoulders, also a sunflower maybe ??? i’m still tryna figure our which one i wanna get next and where. i also have been thinkin about maaaaaaybe getting the female symbol on my middle finger but idk if i want a hand tattoo ya know

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i really liked this youtuber charlieissocoollike and he did a video about tumblr so i was like ok cool and made one but then i didn’t understand it and never used it and then caitlin one day was talking about tumblr with our friends oliver and jennica and i was like dang i wanna be cool like them so i started using it again and i found their blogs and stalked em for a while 

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

not hate but i’d never speak to him again. doubt he hates me tho

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my gf

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yes

42: When did I last hold hands?

today

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

if i’m trying to look nice 45 mins-1 hour and if i’m not trying to look nice like 20-30 mins

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no but i need to lmao they a lil prickly

45: Where am I right now?

my bed and i am so happy to be here 

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

my gf would be there 100%, if not her then i’d say my friend Stein but she’d prolly be more fucked up honestly. my friend Kate would be there too

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

louuuuuud unless i’m in a weird sad mood then i like it real soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yeah but hopefully i’ll get my fucking act together and move out within a year but i’m still kinda figuring everything out for the time being

49: Am I excited for anything?

idk honestly i have nothing to look forward to coming up anytime soon so that sucks a lot. probably my best friend’s 21st which i think is in a few weeks?? and this music fest a good friend and i are going to at the end of this month

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

yeah my good pal Joe and also my brother and my friend Brendon too but him and i haven’t talked in a while so :/

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

this is emo as shit

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

today i hugged like four people!!!

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i’d be so upset and i’d break up with her and be miserable for a long while after that

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

yeah there’s one

55: What is something I disliked about today?

uhh probably that i was feelin sick and on edge just generally all day. bc it was really puttin a damper on my mood

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

i’d really love to meet Ellen Degeneres

57: What do I think about most?

prolly about how i am a useless dum dum and not to sound edgggyy but i question like....... my purpose too often lately 

58: What’s my strangest talent?

talent? i don’t know her

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

i’m terrified of being vomited on. not vomit in general necessarily but it getting on me is one of the most disgusting things to me lol

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

lil bit of both but i’m better at the behind the camera stuff

61: What was the last lie I told?

told my grandma i was single bc i don’t wanna tell her i am gay n have a girlfriend even though she’d forget in like two minutes lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting but i’m not a big fan of either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes!!!!!!!!!

64: Do I believe in magic?

no

65: Do I believe in luck?

sure

66: What’s the weather like right now?

2 hot

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

milk and honey by rupi kaur

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

tbh i love it

69: Do I have any nicknames?

elly, gaylord, dad, that one ginger

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

probably the one time i fell off my razor scooter while goin speedy down a hill and tryna show off and got scars all over my body

71: Do I spend money or save it?

been tryna save but put me in an h&m or a forever 21 or a thrift shop and it’s all gone. i love clothes that are inexpensive 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

yeah i have an empty victoria’s secret bag on my desk

74: Favorite animal?

i like bunnies and grizzly bears

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to my gf and crying probably lol it was a rough night

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

oooooo i could make a petty joke here but i won’t

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

greek tragedy // the wombats

78: How can you win my heart?

make time for me and show me i’m important to you

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“u know she dead”

80: What is my favorite word?

serendipity

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

i’d probably just start crying and everyone would stop listening

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

yeah one of my cousins murdered someone lol i am pretty sure he’s in jail but i don’t know anything about him or if he’s even still alive honestly

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

idk i’m pretty open

86: What is my current desktop picture?

some mountains lol it’s one of the Apple preset ones

87: Had sex?

yeah

88: Bought condoms?

yeah 

89: Gotten pregnant?

no

90: Failed a class?

nearly but no

91:Kissed a boy?

nah i’ve never wanted to really 

92: Kissed a girl?

yeah

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yeah

94: Had job?

yep i work at a froyo shop

95: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

probably at some point when i was young but not anytime recently

97: Had sex in public?

yeah lol

98: Played on a sports team?

i was on a soccer team for a while as a kid and i hated it

99: Smoked weed?

not yet but i’d like to try it at least one time someday

100: Did drugs?

no and i am not interested in trying any other drugs besides weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?

no

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nah

104: Been overweight?

no

105:Been underweight?

for most of my life i have been lol and i finally got to a healthy weight and now i’m back to being underweight

106: Been to a wedding?

yeah a few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yeah

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yeah but not any time recently bc i don’t have the motivation/attention span to sit through a movie or TV show anymore

109: Been outside my home country?

no but i’d really like to 

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

no and i was invited to one recently but i had work :(

112: Broken a bone?

no

113: Cut myself?

yeah

114: Been to prom?

yeah

115: Been in airplane?

yeah

116: Fly by helicopter?

no but i’d really like to

117: What concerts have I been to?

soooo many. i’ll try and name em. trans siberian orchestra, panic! at the disco, imagine dragons, twenty one pilots, two door cinema club, the weeknd, melanie martinez, catfish and the bottlemen, halsey, of monsters and men, walk the moon, eric clapton, paul mccartney, glass animals, a$ap rocky, drake, the chainsmokers, foo fighters, vance joy, the strumbellas, the front bottoms, kendrick lamar, the wombats, AWOLNATION, ben rector, we the kings, the ready set, the summer set ??? i think there’s some i’m forgetting but that’s most of em. i go to so many. i am also seeing saint motel, cage the elephant, weezer, passion pit, mac miller and MGMT this summer!!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yaaaaa most of my crushes have been n i’m datin a girl so

119: Learned another language?

i took four years of spanish and i’m taking another spanish class in the fall!! i was always real good at it

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no i lost it when i was 19

122: Had oral sex?

yeah

123: Dyed my hair?

nah it’s naturally red and pretty and i don’t really wanna ever dye it. i’m probably gonna dye my eyebrows tho they’re too light and i’m tired of always fillin them in

124: Voted in a presidential election?

yes this last one which was exciting until hilary lost

125: Rode in a police car?

yes

126: Had a surgery?

no

127: Met someone famous?

yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

not like legitimately but yeah i’ve gone through someone’s page out of curiosity before

129: Peed outside?

yeah

130: Been fishing?

yeah it’s sorta boring imo though

131: Helped with charity?

yeah i helped my mom with this organization she was a part of where homeless people could come and paint and make art and i helped her at a few of their shows. it is one of my favorite organizations and i met some really beautiful people there

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah he liked me too but he was figuring things out and later that year came out to me as gay and then like two years later i realized i’m kinda super gay too so it all worked out in the end

133: Broken a mirror?

no

134: What do I want for birthday?

to be with people i love

[some-far-far-away-land]

Chesca’s Current Status

This weekend was amazing and gave me so much happiness, something I feel like I haven’t been in a long time. You know that the rest of this post is gonna explain why lol

So earlier last week I heard that a friend was selling tickets to the Alex Aiono and William Singe concert that I had been eyeing since like I think December or January, whenever they had released their tour dates. I was debating about it but by the time I decided tickets sold out already. So when I heard about my friend selling her ticket, the whole week I thought about it. I told her I’d tell her by Friday night. The week goes by and I was still debating, I was pretty broke and i knew if I went I would spend a lot of money on like getting there and back, and then food, and subway. What actually made me decide was that after class friday Nat Jose and I went for coffee with our old Don and I mentioned I was debating in going to toronto for this concert and Nat was like, “yo, lets go, i need a getaway and celebrate finishing design.” Plus Nellie was throwing a late bday party for Paul Saturday but I knew that Lisa would be there and that Thavi could potentially be there too. I honestly just didn’t want another repeat of gfx. I wouldn’t have been comfortable and I didn’t want that to translate on a celebration. Plus thinking about being in the same room as those two made me really anxious. I mean I know I didn’t do anything wrong but its the bad vibes and negativity I know those two people have for me that would make me uncomfortable. I mean if you had a choice I think you would choose a weekend in toronto by yourself, going on a few dates and going to see one of you favourite Youtube singers live, over a few hours of not knowing how to act around two people who use to be the closest people in your life who have now come to hate you for who know what reasons? 

So yea after a night of drinking and dancing at Phil’s with Nat, Jon, and Jose, which by the way was super fun because of the drunken talks and the company. Nat and I ventured off to Toronto Saturday morning. We went and got Pho in Chinatown, and then went to Eaton’s to shop and pick up some stuff. We ate there and didn’t go to Celene and Abby’s place till around 6pm. Funny story about where we ate for dinner. We went to the like cafeteria type place. I went to the coffee and pastry section since I was still full from Pho. I got an iced latte with a cheesecake. While I was in line, there was a hella rude customer who was on his phone telling the guy behind the counter (who was pretty cute btw) that he wanted more syrup on his waffle. He was also waiting for his drink and when the girl called it out he didn’t think it was his, when it clearly was. When he had left the cute guy behind the counter and another co-worker who I realized were filipino started talking about how rude he was. I listened and laughed cuz I know their struggles too and when the guy gave me my drink i smiled and said Salamat, and he was thrown off by it and he smiled back and I went on my merry way. 

Conversation with Nat was pretty good, we go pretty deep into my stuff, just with dating again and how I had been feeling the past few weeks. After that we went back and I redid my make up and taxied to the venue. I thought I was gonna be late but the show didn’t start till 8pm, line just started to move at 7pm. We get into the venue and its just standing so no seats. Its pretty packed and it was cold in there. I was supposed to meet up with my friend Jezeth but she was in the middle and I couldn’t find her so I just chilled where I was. When alex came out I had an amazing view of him, like most of the people there were girls who were with their girl friends or girls with their boyfriends, plus most of the people were asian so they were all shorter then me all I had to do was tippy toe a bit and I could see alex so well! The girls I ended up standing with and eventually befriending were super fun! They were drinking too so their vibes were legit and we danced and fangirled the whole time together! 

So let me talk about Alex, this man, omg he was so much cuter in person, his smile 10x warmer and his voice.... like fuck me, lol Like I thought that it wouldn’t sound as good as his videos but honestly he sounded exactly the same, even better live actually. I could listen to this man sing and play guitar for hours! I totally jus vibed out during his set, really took in the moment and just enjoyed being in the same space as him. *sigh* his gf is so lucky! lol

So after Alex it was obviously William and I only knew him from the songs he and Alex collabed together on. I honestly was not prepared, like this man, was sooooo good live, like his falsetto is on point, his covers were amazing! I love his style, his r&b swag and even his original songs... man. He got me feeling feels too. A little bit into his set my phone died and I actually am so glad it did. I really jus experienced the night and really enjoyed myself without worrying about getting things on camera. I just lived in the moment. I was just so happy and loving life. Alex ended up coming back later on and they sang the songs they did together and I almost died, like I felt like I went to heaven lol

After the concert, which ended around 10:30pm I decided to walk back, well partially. I had to find a place that was open where I could charge my phone. So I went the Tims on College and Yonge. Stayed there for a bit and then took the street car to Abby’s place. Decided to get BK cuz i was hungry and then waited for Nat to come back since she went to go and hangout with Jack while I was at the concert. When she got back we talked a bit before we went to bed. I let her sleep on the bed and I took the ground, which wasn’t bad actually.

So we wake up and we originally planned on having brunch with Jack and Bri but Jack was too sick and Bri’s schedule was too busy so we went for lunch with Celene, her man, and Abby. The place we went to was near Koreatown and we ate at this cute restaurant that had the best eggs benedict I’ve every had in my life. I go mine with baby spinach and the home fries was covered in this sauce and like i died! The conversation was good too and it was nice hanging out with friends. It was such a beautiful day too! Like the nicest day of the year so far I think. I mean I didn’t wear a coat and walked around the whole day. after lunch nat and i walked around koreatown, got my favourite fish dessert and just chilled. She had a carpool a 5pm since she was having dinner with her roomies so she went back first. I actually had a date for that afternoon but he cancelled saying he had worked out too hard in the morning and pretty much felt sick. I wasn’t too bummed about it since I still got to hangout with my friends and eat good food. We’ve been having good conversations on facebook and he seemed sad we couldn’t hangout, but its okay things happen for a reason.

When nat left I went for a bbt date with this guy I had been talking too for a week now. He was Korean and was actually pretty nice and sweet. Like physically he was okay but conversation was nice and he spoke english pretty well despite only living in Korea until like 4 months ago. He was super sweet and even walked me to my subway. it was cute date, i’d talk to him again lol

I was supposed to meet up with other friends for dinner but they cancelled last minute because something came up. Another guy I’ve been talking to for a week asked if I was free to grab dinner since he wanted to see me while I was still in town. I said yes of course, and we ended up getting dim sum in Chinatown and it was honestly sooooo good! This guy is filipino and he’s one of the ones I enjoy talking to via text all week so i was excited to meet him. He was actually so much better looking in person and his voice, sounds so nice. Like its deep and he has a filipino accent which I didn’t think i’d like but I totally did. Our conversation was so good and i just felt comfortable with him. after dim sum he offered to subway with me all the way to yonge and sheppard. thats like 30 mins on the subway. My carpool was at 10:30 so we went to the meet up spot and the carpool cancels last minute! At first I was annoyed and furious cuz now I’m stuck here till tmrw morning. But what happened after made up for it. 

We subway back to Abby’s place and then we decided that we wanted to walk around for a bit. guys, we ended up walking 3 km together. We went down beverley st. all the way to queen st. down john st., past front st. and all he way down to the harbourfront. We sat by the water for 30 mins, just talking about life, relationships, school, etc. The spontaneous nature of the whole night was something I honestly have never done before. Probably one of the best first dates I’ve had. we ended up walking up spadina from the rogers centre and made a full circle back to Abby’s place. We walked for 3 hrs almost. When we said our goodbyes he hugged me so tight and I was gonna kiss him on the cheek but i ended up giving him a peck on the lips, and then he hugged me again and then this time he kissed me and then just walked away all shy like. It was so cute and like the best way to end my night.

I went to sleep around 2am I think. Woke up at noon, and went and got starbucks with celene and her man. Then took a go train to bramalea and then a bus to kitchener go, then the 8 bus to asian grocery, then walked to campus and made it for the 5pm meeting. We then set up at 6pm for our event, and then EOT was at 7PM-10PM.

So that was my weekend getaway with myself. Honestly I’m so happy I decided to go away, even though now i’m hella broke, it was so worth it. I mean like I finally know what I want to do and what I’m gonna tell my parents my plan is. This weekend gave me motivation to get my shit together and just go after what I want to do and what I want to pursue. I swear I’m meant to live in Toronto and based of the events of this weekend I feel like in my gut its where I’m supposed to be.

I plan on going back in 2 weeks, after I’ve made some money and you know finished school stuff lol

[mumteecorp]

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?” Rachel’s comeback delivery is always great. mumtee.com store is selling this Oh I’m sorry did my back hurt your knife shirt. What’s your favorite one? The “not a big deal” fight was between Ross and Rachel. This happened after they all got back from the beach and Ross and Rachel get back together. They’re laying in bed together and he admits that he didn’t read all 18 pages (front and back!) of that letter she wrote. She gets mad and this fight ensues in her and Monica’s apartment. Monica and Chandler are there and that’s when Chandler comes in with the “I KNEW IT!!!”

Oh I’m sorry did my back hurt your knife shirt, ladies, v-neck t-shirt, tank top, flowy tank

Guys tee

Ladies v-neck

Tank top

Ladies tee

first 637/5000 For the whole situation, Rachel quotes from friends who are coming to me, because it sounds very appropriate. “Oh I’m sorry. Is my back hurting your knife? Or Tak and his supporters should stop acting like they’re victims. Perhaps Tak supporters feel that women are overreacting. In fact, I am sure they do it, because they act like Tak’s remarks ten years ago and should be forgiven easily, while women, who are really sad and suffer hurt, is expected to only faint. Just like some of our previous governments who tried to hide the women of Comfort Women, only use their stories when it is politically convenient.

Oh I’m sorry did my back hurt your knife shirt, sweater, hoodie, and long sleeve

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  Oh I’m sorry did my back hurt your knife shirt "Oh, I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?" Rachel's comeback delivery is always great. mumtee.com store is selling this…

[dreambook06]

Dream from: Jan 27, 2018, 1:00 AM to 9:40 AM

Jee.sus. No. this is so hard to write, it is SO goddamn much!!! WTF! so i will jump all over the place other wise it is too. much. so the longest part of the dream mustve been this wole alternate reality elementary school thing where there was a very ocd neat freak teacher who was like a pompous older woman but later it changed to sra. nelson lol. but she was like rly religious or something or idk like very whatcha call it like she thought pokemon was bad for kids or something idk so she hid all the pkmn stuff in the classroom or limited it or something idk something to do with pkmn somethings paper clipped to the floor then i broke in and puled them up out of the ground bc what she was doing was wrong and unfair to the kids idk exactly what it was. it made sense at the time. (i wasnt part of the classroom idk how i got involved in this all. i think i was present-day me the whole time?but veeeeery alterlate reality-y-nothing like irl at all) so yeah etc etc sO MUCH and then there’s this whole library thing where ... but it was so so much more like not a normal reality looking library it was jjust a single giant wall very flat mixed with theside of a cafeteria and on the wall there was a poster that said “frogger” w a pictute of frogger from ancient shadow and it was like one of those elementary lunch posters yknow like eat ur veggies or whatever and it apparaently was super nostalgic to me so i wanted to steal it lol and  i . did. i ws gonna just take a pic of it but i thought i might as well steal it to have the actual physicl thing in my posession. i took it off the wall and assumed no one would notice idk. this was all after house in the school btw so i went outin the side of the scool -verry unreality you dont understand- and put the rolled up poster behind or under a rock to take home when i left... also i had my ds w/ which was also near the rock and folds of some kind of paper thing but the whole time i was sueeper nervous someoneed find it and steal it. so much more ugh!! but basicallty the main thing was i was stealing back “my” childhood pokemon figures from the school that i’d stolen over the years when i used to go there - stolen from “sra. nelson”’s classroom and they somehow teletoprted out of my room and back tot theschool when they found out they were gone yrs later...etc... so i kept sneaking in and stealing back little by little and sra nelson set up like booby traps and stuff in this weird alternate reality classroom and things hanging from the wall idk. but later too i was i guess stealing pkmn cardswhich were on the thin library bookshelves.. i stolelike 3 of them and it became a huge deal the police were after me tryingto find out who did it so i had to keep sneaking back andreturning them after all but it made me so sad bc those thing were sonostalgic to me. idk soososososososo much more holy heck! there were way more characters it was insaaane!!! but im too awake now to recall and it’s not suuuuper important.. not one of those SUPER insanely unrealitydreams like the one from jan 20. 

so the whole other section of the dream was even more or just as wild... omfg.... gonna skip around a heck ton bc i dont know how it came to be,,,, so.

(ps i think i woke u p  around this part like slightly for 5 seconds to num-nums back side by my face bc she was up on be pillow behind and around my head with her back legs dangling on the side of the 2nd pillow by my face. she mustve just went up there or made some movement)

jeezuz it isSOmuch!!! nvm what i said before this is insalelyyl so osooo much!okay this isnt gonna be in order at all so this is gonna jump out of no where. basically it was this weirdweeriwriwridweirrdweridwerid world weirddddddd world like a weird unreality home a house a roun ish thingand i was thete somehow but also 3-ish year old me was there. and grandma c. and some parent idk. but idk. there was a couch and idk sooo much more a box tv in front of it...i guess i was there bc i was kind of time traveling through my life... but with tons of random stuff mixed together that don’t belong like ... fifer was in that house in this cat bed behind a curtain up high in this cat tree-like pillar... but fifer was dead. the dead body had been sitting in there for like 4 ish years at that point. they thought just putting a curtain over it would preserve the body. and i said that’s not how it works. but they pulled back the curtain (they=??? unreality version of mom?) and revealed fifer there perfectly preserved. then her leg began to move, she was moving, rising, like she was just waking up from a pleasant nap. hopped down the fuzzy beige pillar thing. acting normal.mom was stunned i was in disbelief reality was questioned.. i was like.. how...(also i was like “i thought we buried her in the woods at kc rd?”) was she never really dead and she’s just so so old she can do nothing but stay up there and not move? and every night she came down to eat? idk but mom was crying happily so hard. things were so weird idk idkidkkdkdkdkdkd.... later.... idk i was w/ dad in grandma evie’s alternate reality house kc rd house. everything was blank like no color so i had to use that one gimp tool that “select by color” tool and color the walls irl. like de blob... i didnt complete it. too much work and i didnt know the right colors everything was. i can’t remember the colors of things from old memory. i just used a deeper maroon brown ish color. but then i made my way to one room and idfk what else but it was reminiscent of old dreams big time and somehow the scene and everything shifted to something else and  a different room w/ a little seat thing by a curtained window and for some reason i was mimicking miranda sings voice, i was like ‘”it’s miraaaandaaaa..aa...a” so then jump back to that weird childhood house w/ me age 3 in it (but also me age present day whatever that is was there and it was from that pov this all happened..) so idfk like omg it was jus ttheir everyday life in like 2003 but unreality not not at all how it rly was just so werid in thisweird dome world house place omfg... big rooms weird angles of walls idk!! the whole place was like yellow...the vibe was kind of like this teletubbies thing but not rly it was just so... ugh!!cant xplain. 

anyway idk likegrandma doing dishes, cosette age 3 running around w/ rly curly hair lol......OH HOLY CRAP I REMEMBERED THE VERY EARLY PART OF THE START OF THIS DREAM HOLLLYY CRAP! wait... it’s slipping away.... let me thing...... ugh crap. it’s gone. but i remember like 2 fragments: so i was looking through some like idk videos of old school parties things idk that people recorded idk! like 7th grade and in one of them i was in a group with some other people and... karen! it was like this maze thing in the school idk like a party for fun kind of halloween idk idfk!! too vague to even...but it was weird for 2-3 reasons. 1: karen wasnt at our school in 7th grade. 2: karen and i were acting like BFFS and laughing w each other and playing games and making funny jokes. and 3: i looked like i was 5 years old in the video like a rly blonde and cuter version of 5 yr old me, while karen looked normal, like she was 13. it was rly weird idk but it ws so weird bc karen and i were best friends and while watching i was dumbfounded like i dont remember this at all!! and there were other clips too but idfk!!! idfr!!! (r= remember)

so back to thething... likek.   i was 3 and running around the place, trying to reach up by the dishes on the sink, reaching for a spoon and stuff, grndma or someone came over to me and pointed at the picture on the spoon of a 3d-ish patrick from spongebob coming off the spoon in a transarent squishy texture. and she asked who is this? and i said in a like my 1-1/2 yr old voice “patrick star.” etc it was so random it kept shifting back to the room w/ the dead fifer up there but also w/ the tv down andto the right of it and a our 00s colorful long couch.. grandma told me (apparently they could see me and stuff and it was just normal) to watch after 3yr old me while she did chores or idk.so i did and it was so hilarious the uninhibited things kid-me said. idk an example... but yeah eventually things got even more unreality w more giant rooms we traveled through and stuff al this weird trap door stuff and stuuuffffff. more characters came along idek.... but this now is near the end of the dream which i should’ve written about first bc now i forgot a lot.... so this will jump a lot and make no sense.... but i had my camera and was recording for fun... but the camera had ike 6 mins left on it which was bad. i wanted to record all the adventures that were going on it was crazy! omg.... so freaking much!!! this tiny little rat/frog thing that was on my hand i put it in front of the camera while i was on the couch watching a cartoon (a weird unreality show mix of childhood shows i dont even remember anything about it now frickign) w/ 3 yr old me and took a picture of the frog thing watching the show. and it was a rly good picture like hq and stuff..... later..... well basically the whole living room turned into water like deep water murky too and someone was trying to get across by riding an oxen or something...(oh yea somewhere in this dream there was a thing about me being vegan but i dont rmemeber. mightve been during all the “sra. nelson“craziness) but then the scene shifted to the same thing but aparently there were people filming a scene for a tv show or movie there and they had these scaey weird grotesque looking human things running slowly (bc water) in a circle while in the center there was a cluster of like 5 camels w/ ropes attached which the weird monster people were cirling around.... idfk!!! but the videographers had 360 cameras or whatever. i guess it ws a very dramatic part of the movie where they needed lots of different shots and angles ... and they made me join the people “actors” in the marshy water w/ the ribbon rope thing running slowly in circles almost like 3/4 submerged underwater .. and once they got their footage they packed up and left and there was a scene of them behind the scenes working w/ their footage and it was like rly bad quality i thought w/ like bright green grass and stuff and i was like were those even professional movie quality cameras? so the water draine and everything was back to “normal” 3 rd old me did a lot of more funny things too but idont remmeber... lastly. laaaastly.... the whole dream was pretty different... the house became a giant mario kart wii-esque race track but we were actually in the game bc it wasnt avideo game it was us actually in karts/bikes racing...it was me, some family, some others idk, and karen again. so we raced and it was crazy fun and a very wild fun map omfg... but it wasn all jusr racing it was a weird mix of so much. it went on for forever so many different obstacles and turns and tunnels and roomsand traveling and fun and not all by car. i was recoridng this too. oh yeah there was this one half-black guy who was like martin kinda and he was w/ me (& 3 yr old me?) on thejourney for some of the scenes....... there is sosososo much more to it you dont freaking know and neither do i now!!! forgotten!!! gone forever. oh well. too much to hold onto anyway. but it was so much more childhood stuff and wildness. but the game finished up around the last lap idk... back in race mode and there were these wario stadium-esque walls like a skate board slope ramp thingy... racinb up those,, get the speed boosts ont he ground, crazy,people neck-and neck, karen was like in th place but then she threw some chansey looking egg bomb thingy and hit 2 out of 3 people and they swerved and she raced toward the finish and won and was super happy and i got 6th place and she wanted us to watch the replay it was crazy too idk!!! actually it think we just re-watched the last 30 seconds where she threw the egg bombs and it was an aerial pov and it was hilarious to see the precision as they swerved out of the way and she sped thru the finish line lol.... might bve been some more stuff after this, and there was a shitton of more before all this and in--between. holy hell. but then i woke up and firgot it all. so the end. freakign. need a dream recorded. i swear to god. for real. holy. heck.