#accuse me of being unsympathetic when all i had tried to do was help him

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

i feel like i'm in a weird spot as someone who actually, definitely received abuse from someone who has NPD, but still has some kind of empathy for him, hopes he can get better. But also, it was having that same empathy that made it easy to excuse his harm of me and deepened the trauma bond.

Like i obviously don't think NPD is Selfish Piece of Shit disorder. But he definitely acted like a jackass to me in ways that had lasting consequences. I can very clearly see the path that his low-self-esteem-driven logic takes that makes treating me that way, in his mind. "okay." Especially presently.

I think a lot of victims of this sort of abuse have to believe that the person who abused them is an irredeemable monster, because otherwise they might end up going back to them. It's better for their own mental health in the long run, even if it isn't based in reality. I don't think it's maximally empathetic, but these are people that need to put themselves first. I can tell that my own desire to see him get better, acknowledge the harm that he's done, and make an attempt to rebuild this into a healthy friendship is a) part of the trauma bond and b) is actively hindering my recovery.

I think there may be a slight over-correction, is what I'm saying. There's a lot of unjustified hatred of people with NPD, but there's also victims of abuse that are desperately trying to make sense of what happened to them. Is complicated. There's not going to be a clean cut solution to any of it.

[astriiformes]

One thing I really love about Pentiment is that like. For one thing it's very easy to play a very straightforwardly kind, compassionate, sympathetic Andreas who listens to the concerns his friends in Tassing are voicing and tries his hardest to do right by everyone and volunteers to help people a lot. As someone who always worries games are going to force me into making choices I don't want to (or that certain dialogue options will turn out to be harsher than I expected) it's sort of funny that Pentiment, a game that is about forcing you to make difficult choices, at least always let me feel good about Andreas' internal motivations and relationships with others, even when there were sometimes really upsetting consequences in-game.

(And of course, the idea that he's a good person trying his hardest and yet a lot of things go wrong for him and others over the course of the story is one of the things that sends Andreas spiraling, so this is very much something that's woven into the fabric of the game)

But I know on our first playthrough, we chose some of the background options that felt like they specifically lent themselves to that, which lead to playing a very like...polite, bookworm type Andreas. Who I adored as a character obviously, but figured was very specific to our run.

Anyways, I've enjoyed learning that while there are certainly background and dialogue choices that lead to him being brasher/more abrasive and some decisions that cross a bit of a line for me personally (there are a couple suspects I could never accuse, even with solid evidence and I know it's possible to make him a more unsympathetic to the peasants), even some of the more "unsavory" sounding background options really don't lock you into that at all.

I'm specifically thinking about the Rapscallion background because that's what the streaming gang had me choose but I love that the description for it is like "Andreas does CRIME and gets in FIGHTS"

And then in practice a lot of the options it gives you are like

"I'm going to STEAL MONEY from a wealthy abbey to help the NICE PEASANT FAMILY I'm staying with PAY THEIR TAXES!!"

or "I'm going to THREATEN YOU because you are cruelly and unfairly accusing my good friend the SWEET ELDERLY MONK!!"

And when you pair that with certain actions that he takes regardless because they're baked into like the plot or cutscenes, or certain actions he won't take or people he won't agree with because the game never even gives you the option, plus some of the other most popular dialogue choices it's like

Yeah this man does feel a bit like the antithesis of an edgy protagonist

[theangryman]

externally processing

I have a couple of what the kids call “vocal stims.” I think.

I tried to explain to my ex that I was just wanting affection. When I experience intense feelings I struggle with my ability to communicate them. “Love” is an intense feeling; it is not a feeling I am able to articulate fluently. How do you encapsulate “I want you to hold me so close that our atoms intermingle, leaving some trace of you and I as a part of each other forever. That some of the carbons of me still to this day linger in you, and the bacteria of my belly button are the children of yours?”

I won’t share the words here, because they are still in me. I don’t know if they’ll be safe again; but it’s like holding a sneeze. I know my lover will hear them some day, and I guess I’ll know how safe he is by his reaction.

I think my real curse is that intense emotions take away my facility to communicate. I’m rendered helpless by a world unsympathetic to someone who cannot respond to “why are you crying?” Being accused of being manipulative because I shut down under overwhelming arguments.

“Boy autism” is understood as something that they can’t control. “Girl autism” is not.

The people who have always wanted to hurt me have known that by tormenting me. If I show any sign of emotion, I automatically lose all credibility in the eyes of the external audience.

My ex husband gagged me, tied me to a chair, and beat me. He gagged me because he did not want me to safe word. He was always unhappy that I did not let him beat me as hard as he could. He didn’t do warm ups (until I finally got him to talk to real people kinksters; a conversation burned into my mind: “why will you take the same advice from others that you won’t from me?”)

Did I consent? Yes, I consented to everything at that time. I raised objections and discomforts, but he had counterpoints; he always did.

There are maybe good things I have from that experience. I learned a lot from having to sell my body for textbooks. I’m a lot less ignorant of the world for having slept in my car a couple times. Humble and stronger maybe.

I’d just like to not have to skip the aisle in the supermarket that has honey in it. Complex PTSD a bitch. That’s the only part I think I can place on that one. Maybe I was blindfolded.

It’s funny: he took <12 hours a semester, fucked his way around, didn’t work, and had his whole education funded by his rich family. I helped him research, I helped him get into college, I wrote his final paper. I worked full time and took grad classes.

I took worked full time, often multiple jobs. Survival sex work. Still owe quite a bit. Paid his grandpa rent while basically being his housemaid. (Grandpa gave it back for Christmas once, which was kind admittedly.) I took maximum hours every semester to maximize savings. I volunteered. I served in leadership organizations.

Being AFAB will mean that you have to work 10x as hard, that you can not show any *hint* of vulnerability. “Be a man!” he’d shout at me when I was anxious. He passed his parental t trauma onto me by proxy: lol.

[buffysummers]

Why do you think people dislike/hate Xander's character so much? I think he may be the character who gets the most hate by the fandom not even Spike, The master nor The trio get the amout of cotroversy, criticism ad hate Xander gets

I don't really think The Master or The Trio are significant enough to the show to warrant the same amount of hate as Xander. Like, yes, Warren is the WORST, but he's not in that much of it. Xander is in every single episode of the show (except for one).

I can't speak for other people, but I don't necessarily hate Xander. He definitely grows as the series progresses, and he has some wonderful moments. But he definitely has a lot more shitty, selfish moments than all the other core scoobies. He is extremely petty and jealous. Him choosing to withhold the fact that Willow was working on restoring Angel's soul in "Becoming" was pretty unforgivable to me. Just... how cold and unsympathetic he was to the position Buffy was in. He just expected her to be able to kill Angel in the blink of an eye... He didn't care how deeply traumatic and painful it would be for Buffy to not only kill Angelus, but to kill Angel. He was literally just like: nah fuck that dude he got the girl and I didn't! Who cares if this emotionally devastates Buffy! She had PTSD for MONTHS after killing Angel, and years and years later, it still haunts her.

And the fact that seasons later, Xander is in almost the exact same situation as Buffy was, only this time it's reversed, and he is telling her she shouldn't kill Anya. You wanna know why? Because now this will hurt him, so he no longer cares about the Jenny Calendars of the world that Anya may kill because this time, his heart is on the line. And the Anya thing was even worse because she chose to become a demon again. Angel did NOT choose to lose his soul. So, when Buffy says she has to kill Anya, he attacks her? It's laughable how hypocritical he is in this episode. He lashes out at Buffy, calls her heartless and cold and accuses her of acting all superior and like she's the law? (She is the law tho but he was saying that to be a dick). This is in the final season of the show. So, despite some of Xander's finest moments (ie: picking up Buffy when she was feeling down in "The Freshman," bringing Willow back to herself in "Grave," lifting up Dawn when she feels insignificant in "Potential," and always being the first person to want to help and protect Buffy ["Prophecy Girl" is a great example]) it's kind of hard to overlook the bad things, because they're pretty... well, bad.

Xander's biggest crime according to fandom is simply being a teenage boy living in the '90s. He's misogynistic at times, tries to have his cake and eat it, too (dating Cordelia when he has feelings for both Buffy and Willow, and then later having an affair with Willow) and his masculinity is painfully fragile. I don't tend to hold those things against him as much as others, because I'd say he's a fairly accurate portrayal of a teenage boy, and well, they're kind of the worst.

As for Spike, it definitely isn't up for debate about who has said and done worse things. But Spike is a vampire and the audience expects Spike to behave that way. They also think he's sexy. If people find a character sexy, they can get away with murder, quite literally in Spike’s case. Maybe if Xander were prettier, he'd get more slack. But if he WERE more "conventionally" attractive, or had the bad boy vibe that’s Spike’s signature, his character wouldn't serve its purpose. We wouldn't be able to buy into his insecurities as easily. After all, Xander is Joss's self-insert, and so is Spike, but to a lesser degree.

[doomstypewriter]

Excuse me while I panic

Hello, and welcome back to the sh1tshow. Today's chapter is about betrayal. Actually yes but no, it's about misunderstandings and Roman and Janus kind of talking about the issues between them. Does anything get fully resolved? Of course not. But it's a start.

Also, some quality Janus for all of you moceit shippers.

Word count: 1194 | AO3 | <<Previous

Summary: After seeing Virgil so distraught, Roman decides to confront Janus.

CW: Angst, angry crying, Roman and Janus' issues, screaming, arguing, unsympathetic Janus (from Roman's point of view though, and just at the beginning), unsympathetic Roman (same as before, this is from Janus' point of view), swearing.

Let's accuse the snake of committing heinous crimes

Like a very organised opera dressing room.

That’s how Roman would describe Janus’ room once he rose inside.

“It’d be a pity if you knocked, Roman” Janus acknowledged him without bothering to look.

He was applying some heavy moisturizer to his reptile side. The creme made his scales looked kind of fuzzy and dull. Odd choice.

Janus went still.

“Okay, guess you won’t be leaving”, he said. “What can I be so pleased to help you with, Roman?” Janus finally stared at him.

“Ew, what’s up with your eye?”

His left eye looked glazed over. The pupil a hazy shade of blue, just like the iris. It was as if a semi-opaque layer of greyish blue had been laid onto the cornea.

“I’m shedding. Thanks for asking. I love to show it off. That’s exactly why I keep to myself when it happens. But enough about me, what do you want?”

Roman frowned.

“What are you playing at?”

“I AM shedding. It happens every now and then”.

“No. With Virgil”.

“Ah. Well, you see, I am actually trying to murder him. He spends so much time at those stairs that it’s almost like he’s asking for it”.

For a microsecond, Roman had the nerve to be horrified. Janus rolled his eyes at it.

“I know I’m an excellent liar Roman, but even someone as dim as you cannot believe that I honestly intend to kill Virgil. Among other things, we cannot be killed. Remember how much Remus tries? If it were possible I’d say, by this time, you’d be dead”.

“Then what are you plotting?”

Roman wanted to punch Janus when he heard him laugh. Still, he had sort of promised Virgil not to, so he had to make do by glaring at him and hoping he would magically be set on fire.

“My, my… one wouldn’t tell if you hold me to a high standard or a really low one” Janus wiped the tears from his eyes theatrically. After that, his tone darkened. “Being me, I guess the bar must be on the floor. You make it so easy to step over it to taunt you, dear”.

His fists tightened.

‘Do not punch him’, Roman had to mentally repeat to himself.

He felt mortified when he realised that a part of him felt so angry it made him want to cry. In an attempt to maintain his barely convincing menacing aura, Roman sucked up the tears and tried to sound detached.

“How--How can you be…” so much for keeping his tone unaffected.

The reaction from Janus was hardly distinguishable from surprise, amusement or… yes, guilt, not too much, but present.

“So evil?”

“I’m not” Janus replied categorically, his mocking tone gone.

“Really? Then why do you always have to play with everyone? Why do you always have some secret agenda?”

“I do--”

“Yes you do!” Roman interrupted him, finally tearing up. “Have you any idea what you’re making him go through? Why are you so selfish?!”

Janus tensed up, letting some of the hurt show on his face.

“Being selfish isn’t bad and--”

“It IS bad when you use it as an excuse to ignore that you’re hurting people. Which is exactly what you’re doing right now! No one is asking you to stop thinking about yourself”, Roman began to laugh bitterly, “I don’t even know if you can!

“Oh, right! That’s exactly why I helped you in the first place, Roman! Because I only care about myself! Have you forgotten who was the one who tried to convince everyone to choose the… what was it? Oh, the callback you desperately wanted to go to. After wasting away in a wedding anyone would think you’d see who had your best interests in mind. But I guess--”

“Shut up! I don’t care about the callback! Not… not anymore. At least this isn’t why I came here”.

“Then what do you want from me, Roman? Did you just want to feel morally superior and gloat?”

“I want you to tell me the truth. I’m so tired. Why did you even tell me to pursue Virgil if you hate me? Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?”

After one exasperated sigh, Janus put the creme down.

Meanwhile, Roman massaged his temples.

Seeing Virgil turning into a ball because of how confused and terrified he felt had gotten to him like no other thing.

The circling motions of his fingers came to a sudden halt.

“Patton. Does he know what you’re doing? I-- he trusts you! It’s one thing to have it out for me or be all weird with Virge, but if you even think about hurting him--”

Janus smashed his hands on the dresser.

“I’d never hurt Patton!”

“How can anyone believe what you would or wouldn’t do?!” he mirrored Virgil’s earlier words.

“Let me ask you this instead, how can you be so fucking stupid to think I’d ever do something to harm him?!”

“Because Virgil thought you cared about him and you stabbed him in the back, because I thought you liked me and then you used me! You’re using me right now and I don’t know what for, how can I put it past you to have Patton--”

“I’m not using you! I’m trying to be better because I want Patton to be happy!”

Roman quieted, fully taken aback.

“Wha...what?”

Janus huffed.

“Do you need me to also spell it out for you? I love him”.

His head lowered. Janus clasped his hands together, squeezing, as he brought them to his chest in a gesture that looked almost vulnerable, as if he was trying to push every feeling out of sight.

“He wanted me to apologise. But I don’t feel like I owe you that. After mocking me as you did, I think we’re even. Still… I understood that he wanted us to get along, so I decided I could do something nice for you. But I suppose wanting to fix one of your many oversights”, Janus looked up, “is my most diabolical plan yet. Right?”

“Umm… but you could just use it to get to Virgil…” Roman began to lose his resolve.

“Or I could be using it to also do something for him”, Janus began to say as if talking to a child, “because I never stopped caring about him, and things aren’t black or white as you seem to think, and I want to make Virgil happy too. I know, groundbreaking”.

The prince froze in place.

“But why would it make Virgil happy?”

Janus half-sighed, half-laughed in disbelief.

“For fuck’s sake, Roman. Why do you think?”

“Emm… oh”.

“Why are you still here? Go and talk to him”.

Roman started to head for the door, feeling like bursting at the seams.

“Before you leave, don’t get up to any of your usual nonsense. Use your pretty mouth and talk like an actual human being”.

“Will do!”

The door bashed against the frame as Roman ran out like a headless chicken. Janus ran his hands over his face.

“Now what?” he looked at Roman peeking in again.

“Hmm… thank you, Janus”.

“Love to help, now leave!”

<<Previous | Next>>

Taglist: @itsjust-la-me , @bard-in-blue , @simplestoryteller , @winterwynd , @some-fander , @extraintrovertedalien , @the-sad-strawberry

If anyone wants to be tagged, let it be known, I'd love to tag them, so tell me in the comments.

[mysanderssidessideblog]

A Good Day

Warnings for Sides fading out, major character death, unsympathetic Patton, angst, gaslighting, not a happy ending.  

Written for #UnsympAndAngstSidesBingo

Link to AO3

“I'm very disappointed in you kiddo.”

Janus looked up from his book, frowning.

True, he knew his occasional appearance in the Lightside was not exactly welcome, but he had been slowly trying to help the others acclimatise to his presence by sitting quietly with a book from time to time.

He'd even carefully set out a tea set and biscuits this time, rather than his usual tea for one, making a subtle gesture that he was open to company. So far, none had taken him up on the offer.

Yet, he could not fathom source of Patton's discontent. He was <i>trying</i>, and short of dragging Virgil out by his ear to reluctantly sit with him, he was not sure what more he could do.

“Patton. Will you not join me?”  Janus had learnt that the use of the word 'not' had evolved to ambiguous meaning; 'I could care less' tended to be treated the same as 'I could not care less', even if the wording was inaccurate. As a result, he leaned heavily into the word to help mask his lies.

“No.”

Morality's face, usually lit up with a bright smile, was stern.

Janus pursed his lips, and feigned indifference. “As you like.”

“You had one job, and you have failed.”

That took him aback, Patton not usually so confrontational. lowering his book, Janus schooled his expression into neutrality, opting for addressing the accusation in a calm and civil manner. He inclined his head so that he appeared interested in what Patton had to say, while opening his stance to appear receiving to discussion.

“I am not sure I follow. Please, help me understand.”

“You were to keep the undesirable elements of Thomas hidden, secret. <i>You</i> were supposed to stay away, out of sight, out of mind.”

“Ah.”  Janus straightened, and clutched at his book, trying to hide the hurt from his voice. He had thought he and Patton had reached something of a truce, that Patton had seen that he had some merit in being known, in being active participant in the mindscape.

“I believe we agreed that repression was not of benefit. That I could keep things hidden, but it would be best for Thomas to be more self-aware, to learn that he had sides to him that were not always...”  Janus struggled for an appropriate word, “...good.” he finished lamely.

It was hard to argue with Morality; he held great power and influence, and his view of the world was parsed down into good and evil. Janus sought to teach him of the deeper complexities, but Patton was reluctant to even consider than lying could have small benefit in theory, so the idea of applying small untruths to day to day happenings was unthinkable to him.

“It is not working. Thomas is more stressed than ever with so many conflicting opinions, and then there is Remus! He is disgusting, and vile, and Thomas does not need him and his corrupting presence!”

 “And don't think I have not noticed Logan's more regular angry outbursts. The influence of the dark sides has gotten out of hand, and must be corrected.”

Janus was glad of his gloves that hid how white his knuckles had turned with how tightly he held the book.  He swallowed nervously.

“Patton, I understand that this is a time of change, and that change can be daunting, even uncomfortable. However, change is important for growth, for improved insight. This will help Thomas become a better person, eventually.”

“Thomas was already perfect before the dark sides came along! Things were better before!”

Patton's face then broke into a smile.

Janus did not like that smile, not in the slightest.

“Maybe that is answer.....”

He was about to get to his feet, about to retreat, when Patton walked towards him.

“You could not keep the dark contained.” he said, as the air around them grew dense. Janus felt uneasy, as Patton's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. “So I guess it's a father's duty to step in when a Kiddo has failed....”

Janus did try to get up then, but found himself held down by Patton by a hand upon his shoulder, surprisingly strong.

“You'll help me, won't you Kiddo? Help me fix up your little mistake...?”

“I don't understand Patton, what are you talking about?”

“You, and Remus, all the dark sides, are a bad influence on Thomas.”  Patton then stretched his lips  wider, his face a rictus parody of a smile, “It's high time someone did something about that....”

Janus shook his head. “Patton, you cannot just deny that Thomas has dark sides to him, same as everyone! We are just as much a part of him as you are!” he lifted his hand, tried to push Patton from him. He could not make Patton's hand budge at all.

“Thomas needs us. Needs all of us!”

Patton's grip shifted, instead of holding Janus down, curling his fingers past the fabric and into the flesh underneath, so tight Janus felt like Patton was reaching to leave fingerprints upon his bones.

“No. Thomas needs to be good.” Patton gave a short nod to himself. “Thomas will be good.”

Janus cried out, in pain, in fear.

“Let me go!”

“I can't do that Kiddo. See, if I'm gonna make everything right again, I'll need to borrow just a tiny bit of your power.”

“You can hide things, and I have high influence over nostalgia and memories. I think that if we really put our minds to it and work together, we can hide the memories of the dark sides so deep that they will never be thought of again!”

“Patton, Thomas needs all aspects of him. He needs to understand that others have the capacity to lie so he is not taken advantage of. He needs the ability to get angry when things are not right so he can sort it out.” “He even needs Remus, the core of his jokes that are a little crude, a little naughty....” “You cannot just.... delete those vital pieces of him; that way lies madness!”

“You are one to talk about lies mister!”

“OK, OK, I have lied, and will likely do so again, but you have been told that repression doesn't work... that didn't come from me, but Logan. And you trust Logan, right?”

Patton tipped his head, thoughtful.

“Hmm. Good point.”

Janus sagged slightly, relieved he had managed to get through to Morality.

“I guess we'll just have to remove the the dark sides entirely!” he said brightly.

Janus froze, unbelieving. If it had been anyone other than Patton, he'd have accused them of a off-tone joke..... but Patton wasn't lying.

“I will help you!” he snarled, shaking his head, the lie unsubtle and obvious.

Tutting, Patton looked down.

“If you are not part of the solution, then it seems to me you are part of the problem...”

Patton's hand clawed, and Janus felt something creak within his shoulder.

He felt Patton tug at his influence, and thrashed and fought to keep what he was whole. He hissed and bore his teeth as if he might bite.

The hand across his throat stilled him, surprised, shocked that Patton would do such a thing.

“Stop fighting me, I know what's best for Thomas.”

“I will not help you destroy the dark sides!”

Patton's grip, both on shoulder and throat tightened in irritation. Janus struggle to fight back, to even draw breath, but Morality held much more sway than he did, and he could not break free.

He struggled, cursing himself for dismissing Patton as native and weak. Janus knew he was merely stalling for time, that Patton would eventually win. There was a small hope that one of the others might happen upon them and intervene, but he was not well liked, and he did not trust that another side would not work with Patton against him.

Patton looked down over his glasses, considering, and Janus desperately tried to stop Patton from draining his power, his essence.

Patton's grip round his throat relaxed, and Janus drew desperate and painful breath.

It took him a moment to realise that Patton was stroking against the side of his neck, affectionately. “You have an affinity for self-preservation, yes? Give me your power, willingly, and I shall let you survive.”

His mismatched eyes widened as Janus took in how very serious and set on this course of action Patton was.

Terror gripped him as the fingers round his neck tightened again, and he feared for his life.

A better side would have stood up for what was right.

A stronger side would have fought harder.

A clever side would have found the words to make Patton reconsider.

But Janus was a selfish side.

Weakly, he nodded.

Janus tried to cry out as Patton syphoned his strength and his power, but he could only hiss which what remained of his breath. His gloves and cape leached their colour, turning dull and grey as Patton stole from him.

He did not hold out much hope that Patton would ever return what he had taken.

When it was done, Patton released Janus, standing tall and confident, radiating energy.

“You made the right choice. Well done kiddo.”

Janus, sagged in the chair, tired. He managed to bring his head up to look at Patton.  

“Patton, wait...” he managed to say, each word needing so much effort to utter than before, lie or not, “Please take a moment to think.. to reflect... You would be interfering beyond your realm of expertise. Do not do this!”

“Oh my silly little snake!” Patton leaned down to plant a fond kiss upon Janus's forehead.  “It's already done!”

“What? No!” Janus clutched at the chair, as if it might hold him steady against this new revelation.

“All those nasty bits that Thomas doesn't need are already disappearing from thought. If you wanted to say your goodbyes, I would hurry. They are fading fast.”

One thought came to mind.

“Remusssss!”  he hissed, and with a lurch, Janus swung himself downwards, sinking through the floor.

He landed in a landscape in disarray, the features of the darkside twisting and fragmenting, everything coming apart.

Remus was there, trying to shore up a crack in the wall with what looked like a mix of blood and cement.

“Snake-butt! Something's happening. Something's wrong!” he hollered over the low groan of the mindscape rejecting the dark.

Janus looked about in despair, only to see Remus staring at him, the crack beyond repair and stretching out. Horrifically, Janus could see the crack behind Remus, as the darker creativity grew translucent and hazy.

  “My head feels fuzzy like mould on a birthday cake, and what's up with you? You've gone all grey.”

“It's Patton, he is not unmaking the dark side!”  even in desperate times, Janus could not speak truthfully.

“What does that even mean?!”

Remus's voice was strange, softer as if he was shouting from a distance, but that did not hide the fact that he was scared. Janus could not ever recall Remus sounding scared.

Janus looked to him, halfway transparent and afraid, and the surrounding walls crumbling apart.

 He forced a smile.

“Everything will be all right.” he lied, as he reached over and wrapped his arms round Remus, so the other would not see the tears in his eyes.

The sounds of unmaking crescendoed about them, and then, grew quiet.

Remus, and the darkside, and all that it contained faded to black... no, not black.....

Nothingness.

*********

Janus had had to claw his way back from the nothingness, drawing on what little power he had left.

He shouldn't have made it, should have faded out with the rest, but Morality's promise of his own unworthy survival held true.

The effort of returning to the lightside caused him to stumble, and he landed gracelessly in the common area.

Logan, writing down something in a note book, looked up. He gave curt nod.

“Janus.” he acknowledged, and then returned to his writing.

“Logan!” Janus hissed out, struggling to his feet.

Logan looked again, and adjusted his glasses at the sight of Janus bereft of his usual colouration.

“You have a new outfit. It is... monochromatic.”

“Do not summon the others. It's not important!”

Logan frowned, “If it is of such little import, then why can you not do it?”

Hands clenched weakly at his sides, Janus swayed where he stood.

“I can!” he lied, and then cursed himself for not speaking clearly as Logan stood back expectantly.

It did not take long for Logan to realise that Janus was making no move to call the others to them.

“Oh. You are lying.” Logan's lips tightened, “Very well.”

Roman rose with a flourish, and Virgil popped up sitting on the stairs.

“Patton has not done something terrible!” Janus started, then caught himself. He took a breath.

“Patton has done something terrible. He has destroyed the darkside, and all those still connected to it.”

Virgil frowned in thought, “I thought I felt something weird... ”

“Or it could have just been your usual constant worry of something about to go wrong.” Logan reminded, to which Virgil gave reluctant nod.

“Even if that were true, which I very much doubt it is coming from you, then why are you still here?” Roman asked, sceptical.

“I....” Janus swallowed his pride and spoke aloud his grievous mistake. “I made a deal with him to survive.”

“but he took my power, and used it to unmake the darkside!”

“Patton wouldn't do something like that.” Roman said confidently.

“Patton wouldn't do something like what?”

Janus pulled back as Patton approached, smiling cheerfully.

“Janus thinks you have done something bad.” Logan explained.

“Are you sure you didn't mishear him that I've done something 'Dad'?”

Janus snarled.

“You destroyed them, all the dark sides! Pieces of Thomas, ripped apart and gone!”

Patton laughed, “As if I would do anything to hurt dear Thomas!

Roman and Logan nodded with Patton, that of the two, Patton was far more trust-worthy than Deceit.

“Anyway, Thomas doesn't have dark sides, save for you....” Janus did not like the way Patton looked at him, as if he was nothing but another problem that needed 'fixing'. He shuddered.

Patton continued, “But don't worry, we'll all help you find your place and learn to be good! Just like Virgil!”

Virgil gave an uncomfortable shrug at being pointed out.

Janus turned to Roman, desperate, “Roman, your twin! He is... he is gone Roman!! Patton killed him!”

“My brother?” Roman frowned, and reached to the back of his head to rub against a fragment of a memory.

He looked to Patton for guidance, deeply confused.

“Don't be silly, you don't have a brother.”

Roman's hand dropped, and he shrugged at Janus. “I don't even have a brother. Don't speak such lies Snake!”

“You did! His name is... is... was.....”

Janus's eyes widened in horror, as he could not bring the name to mind.... nor the face....

 Patton had not just destroyed the dark sides, but he had erased even the memories of them. How could Janus convince them of Patton's misdeed, when he had cleared every scrap of evidence from the mindscape?

How long before Janus himself forgot what Patton had done?

He lunged then at Patton, furious. He was stopped by Logan's arm easily blocking him and pushing him to the side.

Patton folded his arms, face full of fake concern.

“I was merciful before, but I think you need a time out Janus. Go to your room. In fact, I think it would be for the best if you were to stay there for the time being, and stop telling such terrible lies.”

“Roman, be a dear and take Janus to his room for me.”

“Sure thing Pat!”

As Janus let himself be led away, disbelieved and defeated, and destined to forget what he was and be moulded into whatever Patton deemed acceptable form of Deceit, Janus heard Patton address the other sides.

“Oh Kiddos, I'm just so happy! I have a feeling today is going to be a <i>good</i> day!”

[unsymp-sides-content]

Okay, I know I said I'd write down toxic Prinxiety a week ago but in my entire defense, school hard.

It's here now though and I hope you guys enjoy

Characters: Roman, Virgil

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Abusive relationship, yelling, emotional abuse, swearing (very little), unsympathetic Virgil

Could something really be called a fight if it was completely one sided? Fights were two sides both attacking each other with whatever amount of force they saw fit. Fights were the battles he fought in the Imagination against the dragon witch or the manticore chimera. Fights were him and Logan trading insults back and forth until one of them finally snapped or went too far or someone else stepped in. Fights were not your boyfriend yelling at you about how useless you were while you tried to get him to calm down because it was two in the morning and you didn't want to wake anyone. Roman wasn't sure what exactly that was and he didn't really want to think about it.

He didn't even know what he'd done wrong. Sure, Virgil had seemed quieter than usual all day, but that wasn't exactly rare. Sometimes he had bad days and when that happened, they'd end up either cuddling and watching movies or Roman would give the other side some space until he felt better.

Today was the second. Or at least, Roman had thought it was. When he'd tried asking Virgil what was wrong or if he could do anything to help, he'd gotten hissed at, which was usually a sign to leave him alone. So, Roman had busied himself with his projects, going to his room to work on his latest painting. He'd gotten caught up in the work and lost track of time and by the time he'd finally come out of his room, it was late at night. He'd gotten himself something to eat before going to Virgil's room and knocking softly. And that was when everything started to go wrong.

Virgil had glared at him as he opened the door, blocking Roman from coming in. "Finally decided to care, have we?"

Roman took a small step back at the anger in his voice. "Virgil, what-"

"The entire day, Princey. You ignored me for the entire fucking day, and now you finally decide to come talk to me"

"I- I thought you wanted to be left alone-! You hissed at me when I tried talking to you!" This was apparently the wrong thing to say.

Virgil's glare sharpened and he took a step forward. "So you're saying this is my fault."

"No, I just-"

"No no, let's blame me for everything that fucking goes wrong, huh? It's not like you've had a problem doing that in the past!" Virgil was shouting by this point. Roman tried cutting in again, to defend himself but Virgil clearly had no intention of stopping.

Roman glanced back down the hall but no one else seemed to have heard this yet and he was glad for that. He didn't need them here, especially since he was sure they'd just side with Virgil. One person at a time yelling at him was enough.

He wasn't sure how long Virgil was shouting for before he finally stopped. For a few seconds they stared at each other. Virgil was breathing hard and Roman felt as though he was frozen in place. Then, Virgil slammed the door shut. Roman stayed there for another few seconds before slowly going back to his room, shaking slightly.

The next morning, Roman considered just staying in his room. He'd barely gotten any sleep and he was still shaken from what had happened with Virgil. But princes didn't hide from their problems and so he forced himself to get dressed and head downstairs. Virgil was the only one at the dining table when he arrived and he wasn't sure whether he was nervous at the idea of being alone with him again or relieved that they'd have some privacy to discuss what had happened.

Virgil took his earbuds out as Roman entered, not meeting his eyes. For a moment, they were both completely silent. And then Virgil mumbled something about how he'd been having a really bad day and had been feeling more anxious than usual. And that was it. It wasn't actually an apology, but it was as close as Virgil ever got to giving one so Roman decided to take it. After all, it wasn't like he'd never done things he regretted. Virgil still loved him and he still loved Virgil and it had just been one incident. Everything was totally fine between them.

Except that it wasn't.

Because now, Roman started feeling a little more on edge around Virgil. And that meant he started…. noticing things. Like the way Virgil never helped with lunch or dinner or even breakfast. Which felt a little unfair sometimes but Roman told himself it was only because he was the better cook. And the fact that Virgil was always a little too harsh with his insults while half the time, Roman wasn't even able to use simple nicknames without being accused of bullying. But he told himself that was fine too because that was just Virgil's sense of humor. He chose to ignore the fact that he'd asked Virgil to stop multiple times and each time the other had responded by laughing and telling Roman he was being too sensitive.

But Roman kept telling himself that it wasn't a big deal. He kept telling himself that everything was fine between him and Virgil. That he didn't have anything to worry about. And he'd started to believe it too. At least until the next time things went wrong.

This time it had been him spending too much time talking to Logan. Virgil had been sitting on the bed, staring at the wall when he'd come in. As soon as he'd started to ask what was wrong, Virgil had accused him of wanting to cheat. He'd started talking about how Roman spent too much time with the others. About how it seemed like he didn't even care about Virgil anymore. And maybe Roman should have said something, pointed out how he spent nearly all his free time with Virgil or how he was allowed to have other friends. But Virgil was nearly in tears at this point, so he pushed those feelings away, sat down next to him, and stayed there until the other side calmed down.

The next day, Virgil told him he'd been having a bad day again. He told Roman about how insecure he felt and Roman told him it was fine. That he understood and didn't blame Virgil and he still loved him and everything was okay.

But he did stop talking to the others as much.

And so it continued. Virgil would get angry or jealous or Roman would do something wrong, though he was never quite able to figure out what. And Virgil would yell or cry or, on a few occasions, throw things. And Roman would apologize and clean up the mess and the next day everything would be fine.

If Roman was being honest with himself, he'd known for a while that things weren't going to get better. But he'd been doing his best to ignore it, to tell himself everything would be fine again because that was what he did. He was the embodiment of hopes and dreams and if he wasn't going to be optimistic, who was?

But despite what the others might think, Roman wasn't an idiot. And he could only ignore the truth for so long. It started out the same way it always did; with something small. In this case, Roman knocking over some of Virgil's make-up as he looked at the things on his dresser.

And that was all it took for Virgil to snap at him and jump into a tirade about how careless Roman was. It was one he'd heard before, many times, and he found himself tuning it out without even meaning to. After all, he could only listen to the same things so many times before they started to lose impact. He knew what Virgil was saying. He knew about how long it would be before Virgil finally ran out of energy and just kicked him out of his room. He knew that in the morning, Virgil would give a halfhearted excuse that they would both pretend qualified as an apology even though they knew it didn't. He knew it would happen again, no matter how much he tried to tell himself it wouldn't.

And he knew that despite all that, he still wouldn't leave.

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Blind and Naive

(You are here) (Part 2) (Part 3)

TW: Unsympathetic Virgil, Abusive Virgil, Unsympathetic Patton, Unsympathetic Logan? (Not really), Abused Roman, Toxic Prinxiety, Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Fighting, Dismissal of Feelings, Cursing, Manipulation, Belittling, Gaslighting, Guilt-tripping, Body Shaming, Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Anorexia, Self-Deprecation, Negative Body Image, Roman lashes out at Janus, and A LOT of Roman angst

If I missed any, please tell me and I will add it.

Word count: 3970

____

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

The question rings in my ears and I feel my brain desperately trying to think of an answer.

I know I don’t like Virgil, at least not in a romantic sense. But at the same time, I know that if we start dating, most of the fandom will be ecstatic. We are one of the most popular ships in the fandom after all.

Come on Roman, give the fans what they want. How do you expect to be the favorite if you can’t satisfy them or please them because of a selfish reason? And either way, what can go wrong? Maybe you might even fall for Virgil eventually.

I take a deep breath and nod, putting on an excited smile, “Yes!”

____

It had all started okay. We had announced our relationship to the fandom and most of them were happy! Of course, there were the few that didn’t like our relationship and those who were indifferent but that was fine. I even started to grow feelings for Virgil!

Everything was fine…

But then… Something… 

Changed...

____

“Roman! You promised we were going to have a movie night today!”

I look down, the guilt in my chest growing more and more with every second that passes.

“I know... But I really need to finish this script… I’m so sorry Virgil… I promise I will make it up to you...!” My voice is hushed and weak

Suddenly, he starts to cry and I feel my heart sink.

“YOU PROMISED ROMAN! YOU CARE MORE ABOUT A DUMB SCRIPT THAN ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!?” His voice is shaky and filled with hurt.

“No, no, no! T-that’s not it! I promise! I-I j-just-”

He cuts me off with a sharp slap that makes my cheek sting and ache. 

“IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND TREAT ME RIGHT THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD BREAK UP!” He starts crying harder before looking away from me.

I feel tears begin to prick my eyes and my body begin to shake.

“I-I’m s-sorry! P-please d-don’t leave me!”

Please...! I don’t want the fandom to hate me even more...! I don’t want dad to get mad at me...! I don’t want to be alone again...! I d-don’t want to lose you...!

Despite my best efforts, I feel the tears in my eyes begin to spill and roll down my face. 

“We can have movie night! I-I can just do my work another day!” I cringe when I hear the heavy desperation in my voice.

I hear Virgil sigh before he turns to face me. He suddenly isn’t crying anymore and instead he just has an annoyed expression on his face.

“Fine,” His voice is so cold it forces a shiver to run down my spine, “I won’t break up with you. Now shut up and stop crying. You look so fucking pathetic.”

Pathetic...

I go to reply but before I can, I hear Virgil mumble, “So much for being a prince...”

A true prince isn’t a whiny crybaby! Stop being such a little bitch! You were in the wrong, so why are YOU crying!? He had every right to be mad at you!

I quickly wipe my tears away and force myself to calm down, “Sorry...”

He gives me a tight smile, “It’s fine. Now, put the movie on, and let’s cuddle on the couch.”

I smile a little and nod. He sits down on the couch as I put the movie on. Once the movie is on, I sit next to him on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me close, and I can’t help but smile more. 

See, if you’re good, he’ll be nice to you! All you have to do is follow his rules and stay on his good side. How hard can that be...?

____

Virgil looks up at me, a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Are you seriously going to eat all that?” His voice comes out harsh and judgmental.

Disgusting pig...

I look down at my plate and hold back a wince. Now that I was actually paying attention to it, the amount of food on my plate made my stomach turn. 

Are you blind!? Why did you get so much food!? Aren’t you already fat enough!? If you want to be perfect stop being such a pig! How can anyone ever love someone as fat and disgusting as you!? STOP EATING! Fill up on water or something! Count your calories more! YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!

I swallow the lump in my throat and look back up at Virgil, “N-no... I accidentally got too much food... Of course, I wasn’t planning on eating all this...”

Virgil’s expression quickly changes from disgust to anger. He slams his hands on the table as he stands up, the sudden loud noise and movements make me flinch.

“BULLSHIT! DON’T LIE TO ME! WHAT TYPE OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU!? FIRST YOU’RE GREEDY AND THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LIE ABOUT IT!?”

Greedy...

I cover my face with my hands to try and hide the fear in my face, “N-no! I-I swear...! I-I didn’t mean to g-get so much f-food!”

A scoff escapes his lips, “Fine... If you’re not going to tell me the truth then have it your way.”

He stands up and starts walking back to his room.

I reach out to him, “W-wait...” My voice is weak and shaky.

Useless...

He stops but doesn’t bother to glance at me or anything, “You’re sleeping in the basement today. And don’t you dare show yourself until you’ve lost some weight.”

And with that, he leaves.

My shaky knees give out, I fall to the floor, gripping my hair tightly and biting my lip as I try to stop myself from crying.

Don’t you dare cry! Stop being so sensitive! If you weren’t such a fuck up, he wouldn’t have gotten mad at you! Stop being so stupid and do something right for once! You let him down! You should have known better! Go to the basement and start planning your meals...

I slowly stand up and grab my plate, the site of it almost making me puke. I quickly throw away the food in the trash and put the plate in the sink. Then I make my way to the basement.

____

“Roman, stop being so dramatic.”

I flinch a little and keep my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn’t help but fidget with my hands desperately and ineffectively trying to stop my tears.

Dramatic... 

“I-I’m sorry...- I-I just...- Y-you said...-” I trip over my words, the ever-growing lump in my throat not helping to make the situation easier.

He scoffs, “Stop lying, I didn’t even say anything about you.”

I bite my tongue, “B-but you d-did... Y-You said-”

The second I realize what I said I cut myself off. 

Nononononono!!! Y-you idiot! He’s going to get mad at you!

Before I can apologize he walks up to me and pinches my arm, making me grimace.

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANNOYING! IF ANYONE IS A LIAR, IT’S YOU!”

Liar...

I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I wrap my arms around my stomach tightly, “Y-you’re right... I-I’m sorry... Y-you would n-never say that...”

“Whatever,” Virgil steps away from me, “Have you eaten?”

I hug my stomach tighter at the mention of eating and shake my head, unable to force myself to speak.

He walks back over to me and puts a hand on my chin. He lifts my head and has me look at him, a smile on his face.

“Good, I’m glad you’re following the rules. As a reward, we can go cuddle in my room.”

A bright smile creeps into my face. I nod excitedly and we sink down to his room. At first, it was going great, but then, Virgil’s room began to affect me. I was getting more and more anxious but I ignored it.

Don’t ruin this nice moment! You’re always begging for attention, and you finally got it. DON’T MESS IT UP! You’re lucky he even agreed to cuddle after you accused him of lying. 

I stay quiet and just cuddle closer to Virgil, when he holds me closer I almost completely forget about my growing anxiety. 

____

At first, our arguments and insults stayed out of the videos. But soon, they began to leak through

“So do I, but I’m not like THAT.” 

Sorry... I just really like Disney...

“And as usual, you were completely unnecessary.”

Unnecessary....

“Prince, I got to say you do impress me, by being a clueless moron all the time.”

Clueless moron...

“Even Prince knew that.”

I get it... I’m the dumbest...

“Don’t encourage him.”

I’m just trying to do my job... I just want to be listened to...

“If it’s not original, haven’t we all lost?”

I’m trying! It’s harder than you think!

“You tried, you failed.”

Failed... I’m a failure...

“Princey, you are done, give it up!”

NO! I can’t give up! I can’t let him down!

“Princey, you could never let me down,” Thomas said in a sincere voice but I couldn’t help and be skeptical.

“No?” Said Virgil in a surprised and doubtful voice.

He doesn’t believe in me....

“They’re also determined and chivalrous.” Explained Thomas.

“And this is the one Roman thinks he’s in?” Asked Virgil in a fake whisper.

I guess he doesn’t think I’m determined or chivalrous... Am I that delusional to think I am...?

“I’m not evil!” I desperately called out.

“Says who?” Virgil quickly shot back.

E-evil... I can’t be evil... I’m supposed to be good...

“I so liked the original idea that I misinterpreted.”

Is my idea not good enough...?

“I tried to course-correct, but you wouldn’t let me.”

I just wanted a bit of control for once...

“Whatever, you know you screwed it up.”

Like I always do...

“All I’m saying is that you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butt”

I suck at my job... But at least I have Virgil to fix my mistakes...

“Wow, you are, unbelievably extra any chance you get.”

Extra... Always too extra...

“You know Roman, it’s too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin.”

I’m not dumb... I-I’m not...

“It’s a puppet bit, just ignore them.”

Ignore me like always, right...?

“Too bad your “big admission” is dwarfed by your gargantuan failures.”

All I ever do is fail...

“Okay, you can stop.”

I’m just being myself....

“Shut up!”

Sorry...

“Princey, Princey, Princey, so naive.”

Naive...?

“Are you seriously siding with Deceit?”

I’m just trying to give him a chance...

“What are you- the jury decides if he’s guilty!”

So he only cares to correct me...?

____

I can’t take it anymore...! I-it hurt so much...!

I stand in front of my mirror, a feeling of hurt and loneliness corrupting my heart. My eyes are bloodshot red and tears flowed down my face at an alarming rate. My whole body was shaking and my breathes were shaky. 

Ugly! Stupid! Your shoulders aren’t broad enough! Your thighs are too wide! Your stomach is too big! Your neck is too fat! Your arms too heavy! You aren’t perfect enough! You’re still eating too much! Why are you still not good enough?! 

I curl my hands into a fist, my shaking becoming increasingly worse with every passing second. Suddenly, I’m no longer able to look at my own reflection.

Before I knew it, a loud crash filled my ears and I felt my knuckles sting. I looked at the mirror. It was now cracked and bloody. I look down at my knuckles, they were full of blood. 

But to my surprise, the pain felt... 

Good...

It hurts... My knuckles sting and ache... but... I like it... It feels nice... 

____

Eventually, I just gave up.

“Roman! You messed everything up again!”

“Sorry.”

I stopped fighting.

“Stop being dramatic. We all know that you’re just trying to get attention.”

“You’re right. Sorry,” I plastered a smile on my face.

I followed everything he said.

“Can’t you just come up with something good for once!? Stop wasting our time with your useless shitty ideas!”

I nod, “I’ll try harder, I promise.”

I just agreed.

“You’re still not skinny enough. Are you even trying!?”

“I am trying, I’m sorry, I’ll do more.”

I stayed silent and out of the way. I continued to skip meals. I kept self harming. Every day, things got worse and worse. But, at least, I still have Virgil.

____

They told me that if anything is bothering me to reach out. I slowly walk to the couch where Logan and Patton were sitting. I stand a few feet in front of them but neither of them acknowledged me.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat, finally getting their attention.

“Salutations Roman,” Logan said, looking up from his book, “Is there something that you require us for?”

I awkwardly avoid eye contact and mumble, “I, Um... Need to get some things off my chest...”

Logan raises a brow and fully sets his looks down, “Okay?”

While Logan seems to be somewhat interested, Patton just rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but hurry up, I was watching a movie,” Patton’s voice is harsh, making me flinch.

I see Logan give Patton a disappointed and displeased face, but Patton just ignores him.

I take another deep breath.

Just say it... It’s okay... T-they’ll believe me... R-right...?

After a few more seconds of debating with myself, I quietly mutter out, “V-Virgil, h-has b-been v-verbally a-abusing m-me...”

There’s a beat of silence. No longer than a couple of seconds. But, it feels like forever.

“Really Roman?” Patton’s voice cuts through the silence like a sharp knife, his tone annoyed and disappointed.

I put my head down and squeezes my eyes shut, “Y-yes...”

Patton’s sighs heavily and responds in a flat, unamused tone, “Roman, I’m disappointed in you. First, you’re mean to Virgil and now you’re lying about him abusing you!? Aren’t you supposed to be a prince? What type of prince lies about their significant other? Especially after he was was nice enough to forgive you for being so rude and gave you a chance.”

Pain and betrayal hit me like a truck going full speed. 

“I-I’m not l-lying!” I start shaking. I turn to Logan expectantly but to my surprise, he just looks away with a distraught expression on his face.

“Go to your room, Roman,” I don’t turn my attention back to Patton, instead I just start walking away.

As I leave, I hear Patton mumble to himself, “And to think that I labeled him the good one.”

I run to my room, making sure to slam the door as I go in.

They don’t care! They said they cared! They said we were friends! That we had each other’s backs! Was it all a lie!? Am I really that stupid and naive!? Why don’t they love me...? What did I do!?

I flop down on my bed, but I don’t cry, I felt like crying and I wanted to, but I couldn’t. So, I just lay there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb and broken.

____

I’m done! Enough is enough! I can’t do this anymore! They don’t care about me! None of them do! They all hate me! EVEN Thomas hates me now! I was supposed to be his hero! I was supposed to be the good one! 

I grip my sash tightly before ripping it off and tearing it to rags.

I don’t deserve it! Just like I don’t deserve any love and attention! I’m not good enough! I never will be! It isn’t fair!

I take off my prince costume, now only wearing the black shirt I usually wear underneath it. I take the shirt of my costume and quickly rip it up as well.

They chose a liar over me!? Why!? I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself to them! I kill myself to try and come up with creative ideas! I forced myself to change to meet their standards! I tore myself apart to please them!

I fall to the floor in defeat. A feeling of numbness suddenly washing over all my guilt, pain, sadness, and anger. Yet, even when I feel nothing but empty and numb, the tears won’t stop.

I followed Thomas’ request and tried to get rid of Virgil, only to get antagonized and proved wrong. So I tried my hardest to be nice to Virgil yet he is allowed to abuse and insults me all he wants! Then when I try to stand up for myself I get attacked by Thomas, Patton, and the fandom! I tried to be nice to De-Janus to show them I changed, and I’m wrong! So, I try being mean to him like they told me to be, and I’m wrong again! Nothing I ever do is right! Suddenly, Patton can be wrong just like everything we’ve known our whole life!

My wrist hurt, and I feel the blood of my multiple wounds running down my arm. My lungs begin to sting and burn, my throat clamps up keeping any air from reaching my lungs, my chest aches, and I start feeling lightheaded.

I want somebody... Anybody... I just need someone...

But who...? I’m all alone... I have nobody...

...Remus...

____

I stand outside of Remus’ room.

This is a bad idea... What if he laughs at me...!? But... He’s the only person I have left... 

I slowly knock on the door, cursing myself when I see how shaky my hand is.

After what seems like forever, the door opens and Remus looks at me with a shocked and concerned face.

“Roman?! What happened!? You look like shit! Are you okay!?” He slowly takes a step towards me and pulls me into a hug.

The second he hugs me, I fall apart again. 

Chocked sobs shake my body and I cling to Remus, hiding my face in his shoulder. I hear Remus sigh softly and he gently ushers me inside. He leads me to his bed and sits both of us down.

“Shhh, it’s okay Ro. You’re okay, just breathe.” 

I flinch slightly at how gentle and soft Remus’ voice is before nodding slightly. I start taking shaky deep breaths.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I eventually calm down. I slowly pull away from Remus and look down.

“I-I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to just come and burden you after all these years of ignoring you...” Despite how hard I try, my voice stays weak and tiny.

Remus, gently puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, you aren’t burdening me.”

I bite my lip, “A-are you sure...? I-I s-started crying... and b-bothering you with my i-issues...”

Remus hugs me again and softly says, “Roman. You aren’t a burden and you’re not bothering me. Just because you started crying doesn’t mean you have to apologize. It’s okay to cry.”

W-what...? But Virgil always said that I shouldn’t cry...? He says I’m just being annoying and self-centered... W-was he lying..?

I hesitantly nod, hugging Remus back, “Okay...”

Suddenly, I feel someone on the bed shift a bit and my heart sinks. 

S-someone else is here?!

I pull away from the hug and look behind me, not sure what to expect. The face staring back at me immediately makes all my anger come rushing back to me.

“What are you doing here, Snake?” My voice comes out harsher than I expected it to but I can’t be bothered to care.

I see Janus flinch slightly and Remus sighs.

“Ro, that was mean... Apologize to Jan.”

A-apologize... 

My heart drops and it suddenly becomes impossible to breathe. I feel Remus go to pull me into another hug but I push him away and quickly stand up.

“APOLOGIZE!? WHY DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE!?” At this point I’m crying and shaking again, but this time, they’re tears of anger, “AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE TO ME, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD!”

“Roman, I-” Janus starts but I quickly cut him off.

“YOU PRETENDED TO BE PATTON AND HAD ME PRANCE AROUND ON A STAGE, EXPLOITING MY TRUST AND SOMETHING I LOVE! THEN YOU MADE ME THE STUPID JUDGE IN YOUR DUMB TRIAL AND PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND! AND WHEN I DIDN’T AGREE WITH YOU, YOU PUNISHED ME BY HAVING MY BROTHER HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS MORNING STAR! YOU FILLED MY HEAD WITH FAKE COMPLIMENTS, POKING AT MY INSECURITIES AND MY DESPERATION FOR SOME SORT OF PRAISE AND LOVE!” My voice quivers and shakes. 

At this point, I see tears form in the corner of Janus’ eyes, but I continue, mostly because I just NEED to rant.

“YOU USED ME JUST TO GET LISTENED TO! AND I GET IT! IT SUCKS TO BE IGNORED! BUT THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY YOUR SHITTY ACTIONS! LOGAN GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM MANIPULATING OTHERS! I GET IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE ME EXPLOITING OTHERS WEAKNESS! REMUS GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM USING OTHERS! THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO BE LISTENED!” My voice breaks off, unable to continue screaming.

I laugh, the laugh heavily laced with bitterness and sadness, then I crumple to the floor. 

“I-I have a r-right t-to...- T-to...-” I cut myself off and just cry into my hands, going from angry frustrated tears to sorrowful tears.

I hear both of them slowly stand up, Remus takes a knee next to me while Janus sits in front of me. I feel Remus starts to slowly and gently rub my back.

“Roman,” Janus’ voice is soothing and gentle, making me look up at him.

His face is full of guilt and the tears that pricked his eyes a few seconds ago were now slipping down.

“I’m SO sorry,” He continues, “I know what I did is wrong and that it seriously hurt you. I know that a sorry won’t fix the mess I’ve caused. And I know that nothing I do will change the past. But, I really am sorry. You don’t have to forgive me yet, you can forgive me when you are ready. For now, just breathe, everything will be okay.” 

I don’t have the strength to argue, not anymore. All I do is give him a small nod in response and start slowly breathing.

Remus starts slowly breathing with me while Janus whispers reassurance, and it surprising helps, a lot. I continue breathing, and slowly start calming down.

It will be okay...?

____

“How are you feeling Ro?” Remus asks in a gentle calming voice.

I smile a little and quietly mumble, “I feel slightly better. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling softly, “Of course Ro.”

“So,” I turn my attention to Janus, “Do you think you’re ready to tell us what happened?” He keeps his voice super gentle and soothing.

His tone helps keep me calm and I slowly nod, “Yeah...”

They both look at me, and I can’t help but feel a warmth in my heart.

They’re willing to listen to me... They’re actually going to listen... 

I take a deep breath, ready to just get everything off my chest.

____

To be continued.

I finally finished! This took so long, but I really liked it. Also, kinda sucks that this had to come out on Roman’s birthday, but I really didn’t want to post it any later. So, yeah, part 2 will be out soon. Later! 

Tell me if you want to be tagged or removed.

@anti-virgil  @romanvirgil  @yeet-ceit  @nachosforfree  @unsympathetic-virgil @sanders-sides-soap-box   @virgil-negativity  @a-gay-angel @potatsanderssides @sapphire-knight  @a-small-snidget @easterpop-reblogs @nostarsinthedark @itriedandimtired @cemmy @unus-janus

[scenecipriano]

Curse of The Fold (5)

Chapter Five: Haunted

Description: The year was 1692, a time where women, children, and men feared for their lives of possibly being accused of witchcraft. Two men though, don’t allow this mass hysteria to come between them. Even though the madness Janus and Roman manage to keep their relationship a secret…That is until the summer of 1692.“The only thing that could hurt us. Is the curse of the fold.”

Characters: Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders, Remus Sanders, Janus Sanders, Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders, and Thomas Sanders

Relationships: Roman/Janus

TW: Unsympathetic Patton, Unsympathetic Remus, major character death, death by hanging, death by fire, executions, witch trials.

Other(s): Based on Salem Witch Trials and not fully historically accurate.

Chapter TW: attempted drowning, Unsympathetic Remus, forced kissing, non-con touching, knives, and blood 

—————

March 2nd, 1692 Salem Massachusetts

Roman has to get away, the town was becoming too hectic. Two executions back to back happened, one of them a woman in her early thirties and the other a man who was about Roman’s age.

He rushes through the woods, just desperately trying to get away from it all. The death was taking a toll on him, Roman just knew that it was.

“Would you slow down! I can’t keep up!” Virgil yells.

Roman forces himself to come to a halt, he glances back and watches as his skinny friend struggles to catch up, his breath coming out in short puffs.

“Apologies, Virgil… I just need to get away, that town and my father are running me crazy.”

Virgil nods and takes a moment to catch his breath before walking towards Roman, once the two were side by side Virgil gestures for his friend to continue walking at a slower pace.

“I know what you mean… The hangings are haunting me you know, to think I could have been one of them if it hadn’t been for that medicine this witch gave you,” Virgil says as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his black trousers.

Roman glances over and narrows his eyes at Virgil, “For the last time, Janus is not a witch. You can make medicines and not be a witch, Virgil.”

Virgil shrugs and leans his head back, his dark hair tumbling past his shoulders a bit as he closes his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Roman. He better be as nice as you say he is, or I’m not going to like him.”

Roman huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, he doesn’t understand why everyone accuses Janus of being a witch. They must not be horrible accusations seeing as he’s never been tried, or maybe the others were just too scared to pursue him… Even then, Roman knows the man isn’t a witch, witches aren’t real.

‘ Or maybe they are, you’ve said it yourself. You feel an unnatural pull to this man, the way he's singing has you in a sort of trance whenever you hear it.’

Roman shakes the thoughts away, he didn’t fall into a trance whenever he heard Janus’ singing, he just found the man… alluring.  

“I was only five when my father died, and I feel like a part of me lies with him~.”

The two of them stop, Roman can’t help but smile. He gestures for Virgil to stay quiet as he pulls his friend to the sound of the singing.

“With a drink in his hand, he bid the world farewell. Such a waste of life on just a little thrill~.”

The two of them hide behind a set of bushes that were nearby, they peek out and see Janus kneeling by the round lake that was hidden from their original path’s view. The smaller man was gathering the water in buckets, setting them aside as he did.

“In my younger days, I never could find a light to guide my way~.”

Roman sighs softly as he stares at Janus, he could never grow tired of looking at this man. Oh, how Roman wishes to one day wake up next to Janus, to one day hold him tight and never let go.

‘ What the hell are you on about!? You can’t hold a man like that!’

Roman smacks the voice down, he was not about to let his father’s teachings disrupt the pleasant fantasy that he was having.

“Why are we hiding here? I thought you wanted to speak to him,” Virgil hisses.

Roman blinks and looks over to his friend, he sighs and goes back to staring at Janus. He should have told Virgil that he could meet Janus another time.

“I know you’re back there, come out and face me like a man you disgusting cretin,” Janus speaks up, not bothering to turn around.

Roman frowns when he notices how tense Janus looks, ‘ Has something happened to you, my sweet angel?’

Both Roman and Virgil move away from the hiding spot, Virgil jumps back when Janus suddenly turns, a knife held tightly in his left hand as his bicolored eyes regard them coldly. Roman frowns as the fight drains from Janus’s body, his shoulders sagging down, the hand holding the knife up drops to his side.

“Oh… It’s… It’s just you, Roman. Good… Who might you be?” Janus asks as he gestures towards Virgil with his free hand, causing the man to flinch slightly.

When Virgil stays quiet, Roman huffs and nudges him slightly, gesturing for him to speak.

“U-Um… Virgil, Mr. Wi- I-I mean, Janus Delvaux,” he stammers, avoiding eye-contact with Janus in fears of the man possibly hypnotizing him.

Roman feels his heart flutter when Janus lets out a chuckle, he watches as the beauty of a man puts his weapon away. Janus offers Virgil a kind smile as he steps forward, his right hand stretched out for him to shake.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Virgil. Please, just call me Janus or even Dee, it’s what old friends of mine used to call me. Are you the same Virgil that deals with those agonizing fits?”

Virgil hesitantly takes Janus’s hand and gives it a small shake, he glances up and offers him a small smile in return.

“Y-Yes… Thank you, by the way for the medicine. Do I… Have to repay you in any way?”

“Yes, you owe me your firstborn son,” Janus deadpans while staring directly into Virgil’s eyes.

The two friends stare at him in shock before Janus breaks down in hysterics, his laughter was loud and boisterous and honestly, it sounded like music to Roman’s ears.

“I’m kidding! Oh, your faces! Ah… No, Virgil, you don’t owe me anything. If you ever need any more just let Roman know and he can tell me. It’s not hard to make so I always have the needed supplies,” Janus explains as he wipes away an imaginary tear.

Virgil laughs nervously and mumbles a thank you before stepping behind Roman, who rolls his eyes at his friend's unnecessary fear.

Roman offers Janus a small smile.

“Anyway, how can I help you fine gentlemen on this beautiful day? Are you in need of something, or did you just fancy a visit to the old witch of the woods?”

Roman frowns.

“You’re not a witch, I refuse to hear it from everyone else, that includes you too, but no, we don’t need anything. We were just on a stroll and we happened to hear your lovely voice,” Roman replies as he tries his best to give his own version of a sauve smirk.

Janus feels his face heat up as he turns away, he kneels back down and returns to filling his last bucket with water.

“Honest, Roman, you’re such a flatterer. Tell me, Virgil, is he always like this, or am I just a lucky man?”

Virgil snorts and shakes his head, “I suppose you’re lucky because usually it’s his brother that’s trying to lay it on thick.”

Roman can’t help but notice how Janus grows tense at the mention of his brother, he frowns.

“Well… His brother must be the real cock of the town, hm?” Janus asks, his voice was tight.

“You could say that, but, Roman we should get going. We had those errands to run for your father remember?”

Roman huffs and rolls his eyes, he looks back at Janus and smiles when he notices the smaller man staring at him with those mismatched eyes.

“I’ll return later, we can sit and catch up.”

Janus watches silently as the two of them walk away, he lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He turns back to his buckets, these should be enough for his new batches of medicine and a rabbit stew he was planning to cook for supper that night.

“Man, I thought they would never leave!”

Janus tenses up when hears that nasally voice speaks from behind him, he quickly turns around and tries to pull his knife from his pants pocket, only to have the air knocked from his lungs as he’s pushed against a tree.

He grimaces in pain as Remus bangs his left wrist against the tree over and over until he’s forced to drop the knife to the ground.

“There we go! Can’t have you going for a blood sacrifice, now can we?” Remus mocks as he pins Janus’s hands behind his back.

Janus bites back a whimper at the force of which his wrists were being held.

“W-What the hell do you want?” Janus stammers, he mentally curses himself for showing his fear.

Remus hums and tilts his head, a grin breaks out across his face as he leans in close, his lips almost brushing against Janus’s.

“Something I can’t have, daddy always said I was a brat.”

Janus opens his mouth as a means to scream only to have Remus’s tongue shoved down his throat, he squeezes his eyes closed tight and does the only thing he can think of, and that’s to bite down.

Remus pulls back with a yell, blood slipping past his lips, pale green eyes glare at Janus with such an intensity that it causes the smaller man to shudder.

“You’ll fucking pay for that, witch,” Remus hisses as he grabs Janus by his hair causing him to scream out.

“Okay, so maybe he’s not so bad, but that firstborn joke was not funny,” says Virgil as he and Roman make their way back to town.

Roman rolls his eyes and goes to reply, only for a scream to startle them both. He and Virgil turn back and share a look before running towards the scream. They ignore how the low-hanging limbs snatch at them, trying to keep them away from the horrifying sound.

They both come to a stop when they hear the sound of splashing water and sharp gasps for air to their left.

‘ That’s where Janus was!’

Roman is the first to run back to the lake, leaving Virgil there to ponder what was happening before snapping out of it and following his friend.

“Oh, would you look at that! The whore of a witch isn’t fucking sinking, looks like it's the rope for you! Unless you want to make my wound feel better?”

The both of them stop when they hear a familiar nasally voice, the sound of gasping and coughing sounds along with splashing water.

“P-Please, please just leave me alone!” Janus cries.

The sound of water splashing sounds again, accompanied by a scoff.

“Wrong answer, guess I’ll just hold you here until you agree!” Remus exclaims.

Anger courses through Roman as he stomps to where his brother is, he shakes off Virgil when his friend tries to stop him. His anger only burns hotter when he sees the way Janus erratically kicks, hoping to free himself somehow.

Roman rushes over and jerks his brother away, tackling his twin to the ground.

“Ro-Ro! I thought you and Virgie had some errands to run!” Remus exclaims, a bloody grin on his face as he stares up at an irate Roman.

A gasp sounds from behind him as Janus pulls himself up and away from the lake, Roman listens as he struggles to catch his breath, coughing the whole time as he does.

“What the fuck were you doing, Remus? You could have killed him!” Roman yells as he grabs the front of his brother’s shirt.

“It’s what the whore deserves! Besides, why do you care? Unless, you’ve been sneaking around and getting your dick sucked by this pathetic, witch.”

Roman clenches his jaw, his knuckles going white from how tight he was holding onto his brother’s shirt. He wanted to hit him, but Roman knew better. If he were to hit Remus, then he would spin it into something ten times worse to their father, which led Roman onto the man’s bad side.

Roman breathes deeply and stands up, he pulls Remus up as he goes and shoves him towards the direction of the path.

“Get out of here, Remus. Don’t let me catch you around him ever again, you hear me?”

The two brothers stare each other down before the youngest relents with an angry huff, Roman watches as Remus pushes past Virgil.

“I um… I’m going to make sure he actually goes home, you make sure Janus is okay,” says Virgil, his tone meek as he leaves Roman and Janus alone.

The two of them stay silent save for Janus’s labored breathing, Roman sighs and moves to kneel in front of Janus. He gently tilts the smaller man's head back and gazes into his blue and green eyes.

“Are you alright?” Roman asks.

Tears burn in Janus’s eyes, he tries his hardest to keep them at bay only for them to slip past without his permission. A choked sob leaves his shaking form as he throws himself into Roman’s arms.

Roman holds to Janus tightly, ignoring how the water on his body seeped into his clean shirt. Roman cards his hand through the smaller man’s hair and softly shushes him.

“It’s going to be okay… You’re okay, I’ll protect you from him and everyone else…”

‘ I promise…’

---------------

A/N: owo

~TAGLIST~: @imma-potatoo @feminine-femme

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck: My Valentine Ghoul Review aka A Bad Episode Even by Valentine’s Day Episode Standards

Welcome back Darkwings of the Night. It’s time to go back to St. Canard for the very review that got me to finish up my look at the episodes that should’ve lead up to Just Us Justice Ducks and the episode itself last month. While I probably COULD have reviewed this one before finsihing that as continuity’s pretty loose here, I wanted to see Negaduck’s proper introduction first. So was it worth it?

Yeah while I was glad to get one of my retrospectives done and free up some room for other stuff, this episode..was an objective disapointment and might be even worse than “Brush with Oblivion”. If your curious to know why and aren’t already lobbing a harpoon at me for bashing an episode you liked, join me under the cut. 

On PAPER this episode sounded really good. Negaduck trying to seduce Morgana back to crime and in general after Darkwing once again neglected her is not at all a bad premise and the in episode conflict of Darkwing’s obnoxious supscioson of his girlfriend being an ex con, COULD’VE been really interesting. But there’s a reason Could’ve was in all caps folks: This episode is not very well put together and it’s gender politics have aged like fine santa liquor left split in a bathtub surronded by toxic waste for 20 years, and tastes just as bad. Trust me I know. My colon still hasn’t recovered. So let’s get into WHY shall we? 

So we open with a date in a graveyard with Darkwing and Morgana, unsuprisingly though Darkwing isn’t the fondest of their meal which... look like someone scrambled the Star-Spawn of Cthulu. He’s going to be pissed.. especially once I try some. Look i’m very curious and very hungry. 

But things take a turn when Darkwing brings up diamonds, because he’s fully insensitive enough to bring them up in front of his girlfriend. She does take the truth in stride: he’s not proposing he’s simply hung up on a case of diamonds going missing, and no solution and thus might have to cut the date short. She offers to go with him but he shoots her down, saying the last time she helped she turned him into a rutabega.. instead of you know TRAINING her and helping her on her aim.  Then the episode looses me.. and about how long into the episode are we exactly? Not taking the theme song into acount?

Yup. It takes around 2 minutes, with some change. for the episode to become absolutley terrible. But first off Morgana suddenly flies off the table claming he dosen’t trust her for being a former criminal and zaps him in vengance.. which is assualt. Cartoony assault sure but it still hurts and his reactoin is STILL pure feer as he’s turned into some kind of ball... I mean.. it’s not like he can’t fight crime like that. Some of the best have done it. 

But still she goes to physical violence at the drop of a hat this episode and Darkwing seems more than a little afraid of that happening again. Just... wow.  I thought, having finished the Legend of the Three Cablleros, i’d be done with writing so poor a character comes off as a domestic abuser, mental in that case phsyical here, but here we are. Now this is untetional so I don’t blame the writers as much.. but I still heft some blame on them for being SO bad at writing a woman that she can’t get angry without phsyically attacking her partner or grasping the implications there. 

Oh and it gets worse. Yes, it somehow gets worse from “Morgana attacking darkwing for upsetting her”. Darkwing proves to be pretty vile himself, as when Morgana accuses him of not trusting her due to her criminal past.... he says “You know what they say once a crook always a crook. “

My.. fucking.. god.... the show is stacking unfortunate implications on top of itself like lego bricks. And yes attitudes towards prisoners were much worse back then, I get that. Dosen’t make it tolerable to HEAR someone spouting that bullshit, let alone our protaganist. And while it doesn’t make her right to shoot lighting at him, as she does after this or attack him before... it does mean he’s a massive, mentally abusive dick who refuses to trust his partner who reformed FOR HIM, just because she used to do crimes. It takes a special kind of bad writing to screw up so badly that two of your heroes are immensley unikeable in the span of minutes but they did. CONGRADULATIONS DUMBASS!

So yeah Morgana breaks up with him and he tries to go after her  and Gosalyn, who was there the whole time with eek and squeak,  decides she needs to get the two back together. 

I mean at least Gosalyn MEANS well. As a result despite her helping them not being a good idea, she’s one of the most likeable characters in the episode. At least for now. The most likeable?

Yes. REALLY. Now granted he’s as much of a bastard as always; After seeing Morg’s tantrum he wants to seduce her back to evil to help with his diamond scheme, unsurprisingly he’s the one stealing them and his plan to do so.. is not all that bright as he fakes being good to get into her good graces.. forgetting that he’s going to need to show her he’s bad again for any of his plan to work, as during the climax i’ts revealed he’s using a candy company as a front for diamond smuggling. Now granted that.. is actually really clever as no one’s going to think to check a shipment of choclate boxes for diamonds unless their tipped off and he even mentions starting a candy company earlier, so that being his scheme dosen’t come out of left field and i’ts  a clever misdirect that you’d THINK he was lying about the Candy Company.  But while Negsy doesn’t’t escape the contagious case of stupidity everyone’s got this episode, he’s still entertaining as ever and Jim cummings manages to make saying “Well be the best of pals” pants crappingly terrifiying. So Negaduck is a delight as always even if his plan makes little sense, as his way of going about it is still clever: he fakes being good and both uses this to make darkwing jealous, thus making him seem irational, and to provide a shield and also forces himself on their valentine’s date. He even gets past Morgana rightfully beign supsicous by playing to her past. So yeah not the best plan OVERALL but damn if he still isn’t awesome.  They visit a carnival, ah feels like home, though this one has a freak show where MORGANA feels like she’s home. After trying to fry Darkwing and making him look like the bad guy Negaduck manages to seperate the two in the tunnel of love then use darkwing’s own jackassery against him by claming he left saying once a crook always a crook. He hten.. comes on way too strong, first asking if she’s thought about going back to crime when they get back to her place and then isn’t resceptive when he just tries to fully turn on the charm. Oh and Darkwing walks in and thinks his gilrfriend is cheating despite her not returning Negaducks affections because he’s a douchebag.  Gosalyn is in the house at the same time as after Negaducks earlier deception, Eek and Squeak flew her back to Morgana’s house to use the Necronomiduck, which talks like he just walked out of Beast’s house because of course he does, and gets a love potion.. which they accidently spray on Darkwing instead. So we do get one of the few GOOD parts of the episode where Darkwing acts all buddy buddy to negaduck and Negaduck even gets rid of him just by telling him to go jump off a cliff. And the combination of Drake acting all sachrine again, much like posiduck, and Negaduck’s clear annoyance and confusion is just comedy gold. 

Sadly that ends and Drake returns and a fight breaks out with Morgana accidently freezing darkwing and when trying to freeze negaduck, he simpy reflects it back the obsconds with her ice cube. 

While Gosalyn and co thaw her dad out, Negaduck explains the whole choclate scam and Morgana refuses and they fight, with Negaduck covering her in chocolate.. then darkwing when he shows up as you’d expect. Darkwing however has buzzsaw cufflinks, a wonderful 60′s batman type gag, and saves them both.. btu the love potion ends up on Gosalyn who covers her dad and possible step mom in frosting

Thankfully it wears off fast, and morgana gets the idea to put the love potion, which is air born into the gas gun, finally getting Darkwing to trust her and blasting Negaduck, then suckerpunching him when he gets close. Oh and despite her plan being VERY obvious , Darkwing STILL questions her flirting with the guy. 

So the day is saved and we end with him questioning her order at dinner that night and her .. attacking him. And Gosalyng saying “Well you always hurt the ones you love”

Final Thoughts: .I do not like this episode. I do not like it on a moat, on a boat or with a goat or in any way shape or form even though that breaks the ryhme. Reviewing it only had me finding MORE problems with it. Morgana and Darkwing are so unsympathetic here, with her violence towards him making it seem like “Aw all couples are just the woman chasing the man around with the frying pan.. or lighting bolts in this case” even though that’s sexist as hell at BEST and makes light of domesdtic abuse towards men at worst.  Darkwing gets off no better, being THAT kind of asshole who assumes just because someone used to be a criminal they always will be. Which even in pastiche makes no sense as I can name tons of superheroes, a who USED to be criminals or villians: Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow, Luke Cage (Before becoming a superhero), Scott Lang Ant-Man, Hal Jordan Green Lantern, Cassandra Cain, Simon Baz, Mach 10, Songbird, Quicksilver, Rogue, Wonder Man, and Emma Frost. And that’s not getting into the number of heroes, including many on this list, who went evil fo ra bit and came back from it.. some of whom are on this list. Usually his black and white insanity schick works but the episode does nothing to punish him for it and instead makes Morgana seem just as irrational by attacking him. 

While this episode dosen’t use the love potion badly, thank god, with morgana even calling it a bad idea.. i’ts all I can give it outside of negaduck. The love potion and negaduck gags are both great.. but everything else is just so toxic and odious it makes it very hard to enjoy. And so.. this wins the DUBIOUS honor of being the worst Darkwing Duck episode i’ve seen so far. The plot’s weak, filled with horrible outdated ideas even by the time this was made, and no one is likeable, even Negaduck wears out his once he starts getting a bit too pushy with morgana. All in all a waste of potetial and a good episode. Until the next rainbow, this episode can step on a rusty railroad spike and get tetnus. 

[sweetest-honeybee]

Random ideas, thoughts, headcanons, etc:

Remus probably “kills” Janus a lot. Like I would be surprised if he just always goes up to janus and stabs him, shoots him, or pulls him aside for torture. Like I haven’t seen anyone else think of it, but I mean while they may have some decent relationship, Remus is just uh....Remus.

Speaking of which, Remus is like suuupppeeerrr not sympathetic or empathetic to farther extents than even Logan. Just how he works, he won’t take you seriously if you pour your heart out.

I believe that Virgil doesn’t trust deceit bc that’s how the relationship works naturally. Anxiety and deception only equal trust issues, it’s a normal reaction. Same goes for how he reacts to Remus, he’s scared. With Patton, he’s comforted. With Logan, he’s grounded. I think how they view each other and their relationships just match up with the natural relationship brought on from those two combined ideas.

Roman and Remus don’t have a good relationship and never did like....ever. Even if they were a whole trait fused together as one idea when they were younger. The stark differences and their perceptions or certain ideas I don’t think ever would end in a good relationship. Something I’d like to see in the series is that not everything ends in sunshine and rainbows.

Like not everyone gon like you and that’s okay. I think all of the boys need to relearn that. Virgil and Janus may not ever have a good relationship ever again. The past is the past and whatever Janus did to hurt Virgil happened and Virgil doesn’t forgive him. And probably won’t ever forgive him. Same with the twins.

Logan knows exactly what he deserves but he doesn’t want to force it on everyone unwilling to listen. Stupid idea but I mean I think that’s just his thing.

While they do have a shakey relationship so far, I think Patton will start getting into the habit of defending Janus, even if hesitantly. Accusations of “defending the untrustworthy snake” may make him uncomfortable but after everything in the SVS Redux, I think he’s understanding a lot more than what his used-to-be more closed off perceptions believed in the beginning.

Also I dunno if this needs to be reiterated but like if Thomas views them as a villain, they’ll act like a villain. Janus seemed so ‘unsympathetic’ bc that’s what he was perceived as. Same with Virgil, same with Remus. Sprinkle in some ‘acceptance’ and suddenly they’re less of a villain, more of a minor nuisance at best and just trying to help Thomas out.

The next and final side that’s revealed, the ‘orange side’ if you will, will not be villainous. Hear me out, after what happened with Virgil and understanding Janus and going through the facts about Remus, I think Thomas has a better grip on the fact that everyone is just trying to do their job. They’re not trying to harm him. So I think the final side is going to just stay morally grey like everyone else and not try to act scary but also not necessarily nice.

I mean unless Virgil is a hoe and over reacts again but he should know the guy personally. I think Patton will get into better habits with his reactions to new sides as well 😅 So it’s less of a scare, more of a hesitant curiosity.

Virgil, I think anyways, is beginning to go back to how he acted when he vpfirst appeared just more....secluded I guess? This is just my opinion lol but he seems to be becoming more aggressive, snarky, irritable, and threatening. Naturally, if you have an anxiety disorder, people with anxiety are prone to irritation and aggression, lashing out, the works. So with the recent events, I’m sure he’s getting worse. But he’s gone past that like.....’small anxious stormcloud’ phase that happened kinda before and a bit after Accepting Anxiety and into just to straight up jumping the gun on every idea rather than just....doing what he did before then.

I don’t know how to explain it but there’s that XD

Remus won’t get a redemption and I am extremely happy with that. I feel like if they even tried to do that, he’d probably get mad at them for it. Like he doesn’t strike me to be extremely aggressive but I feel like he knows like he can’t be accepted by Thomas. Like not as your get a front seat and you’re a nice guy now’ kind of redemption. I think he’d hate to know that they want to do that.

Janus is making private amends with Logan. I don’t believe he’ll have a lot of Logan time in an actual video unless it’s a group thing. I think his and Logan’s relationship is quite established. But I mean I still look forward to more Janus and Logan time. Logan hasn’t hardly said much in the last couple vids.

Logan gonna get emotional time in a video focused on him but it’s not gonna be touchy freely talk. I think they’re gonna get to try a new method. Singing, poetry, and sappy conversations aren’t really gonna do much, I don’t think. So they’ll go with like....puzzles or a rap or a quiz or something. Just an idea.

Logan makes for a great ‘Devil’s Advocate’ to be honest. And I find it interesting. He’s very neutral, speaks the facts, doesn’t really pick a side because they both present good arguments. But at the same time, like Virgil has assumed before, Logan can seem like he’s arguing for the opposing side when he’s not. (I do this all the time lol, people think I do that). But I think that’s one of his biggest strengths. He’s honest, he knows what he’s talking about, he’s done research so that he can voice an opinion when need be and when he doesn’t have the facts, he doesn’t speak about it or make an opinion.

Virgil and Roman are probably gonna team up against Janus in a future video and that’s gonna be the point where Virgil is like “well shit lemme tell you the exact thing he did to me to make me not trust him” and there’s like a whole flashback and everything.

On the other hand I’d laugh and simultaneously be so annoyed if Virgil’s reasoning for not trusting Janus the entire time was just “Well he just gives off bad vibes” which tbh I don’t think it too inaccurate XD

I’m probably gonna add to this once in a while. I don’t mind some comments but full on paragraphs talking about how I’m wrong on certain things are just people being shitty so pls don’t do that.

These aren’t set in stone and my views on some of these ideas can change with future events, just depends. So don’t surround my entire perception of the sides on these ideas. I’m not saying Virgil is a bad guy, I’m not saying Remus won’t get a redemption just bc people who say he will are wrong, etc.

These aren’t controversial opinions being used for public argument. Just some thoughts I had and thought I’d give my two cents on what’s been going on so far :) So please don’t say stuff like....”Well ACTUALLY if you look back at the ‘Am I Original’ video you’ll see that-“

Like no, I haven’t watched any of the past vids in a while but that’s not the topic of conversation I’m really going for here XD

Anyways, enough about that, I’ll add some stuff once in a while after more videos come out :D

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 50: Snape's Grudge

Sirius at once lost his feet upon landing and face planted a puddle of foul smelling green sludge. No matter how much he tried to spit it out and wipe his face clean, the mess clung to him. By the time he'd at least cleared it away from his eyes and mouth, he got himself onto all fours and looked around to see what should have been a familiar site.

He was on the very outskirts of Hogsmeade, a place he and his friends frequented far more than the others of Hogwarts and possibly even the villagers themselves. He'd spent more times having adventures in every nook and cranny of this place than even doing homework, if one could believe it. This particular spot, and what it looked down on, meant more to them than words could express. The Shrieking Shack stood in the distance, the measly fence guarding it off, the sheer drop and magic bordering one from going inside through any of the blocked off windows or available door were quite powerful to one who didn't know what they were doing. There was melting snow upon the ground and puddles of mud every few adjacent feet, perfect for a prank to pull or vanish at a moments notice.

His friends were the ones he was having trouble recognizing.

They had not landed near each other at all, but each held the same expression of shock that was quickly growing into something Sirius had no desire to look at. His breaths were coming out in short, sharp little panting gasps, as if he'd broken a rib. He wished the Devil's Snare were strangling him again, or even better, a venomous tentacula. He'd rather be back in a dragon's cave than fight his blurry vision and see what he knew would be there on his real family.

"Sirius, you daft idiot, how is eating mud any solution to this?" Then there was a warm hand thumping him on the back, a kind voice affectionately telling him to stop being stupid, and James' hand hovering in front of his face.

"How the hell are you lot still," words wavered off, Sirius didn't know how any of them could stand to be around him after what they'd just heard. That didn't stop him from clinging to this while he could, taking Prong's hand and only staggering for a few moments before his feet steadied beneath him.

"I don't know what to make of the madness of this future," James brutally told him, expression defensive as he scanned around for the book, but he gave Sirius' hand a reassuring squeeze before dropping it. "I do know it hasn't happened yet though, so would you stop panicking about it every other second please?"

Sirius spat out one last glop of mud and still gave a slight grin. "Yeah, I'll try."

"If you manage it, Moony will owe me three galleons," Peter smirked. "We've a running bet you can't go longer than three days without freaking out over something."

"Define freaking out," Sirius huffed with an exaggerated pout.

"Shouting and your general presence are the commonly accepted terms," Remus shrugged. "He almost won last year actually, until you found out it was Wormtail who ate your Potions homework and our deer friend graciously played partisan and gave me the win."

"Aha!" Said Marauder had wandered off from their babble and managed to spot the book resting in a nearby tree. He scaled it the Muggle way for the onlookers.

"I will never understand those four," Lily muttered, shielding her eyes from the sun and waiting for Potter to fall from the tree any second. Maybe he'd land on his fat head and deflate it a bit. "They really can laugh off anything, even attempted murder on each other."

"The kind of friendship we should all aspire for," Alice shrugged.

Lily flushed slightly in unease, thinking if rolls had been twisted slightly and Sev had ever done anything of this scale to her, she couldn't forgive such a thing. The way he was acting now was inexcusable, and the chapter title Potter declared only promised things weren't going to get much better.

Regulus listened to the school in controlled chaos because of his brother and couldn't decide who he was more impressed with, the Sirius of the future getting in and out of that place undetected after a debauched murder attempt of his best friends kid, or his idiot brother smiling along at the events now. Chest out, hair swept over his shoulder, pride rolling off of him in waves for managing such a stupid move. Would they still be acting like this if that was the end of the story? If Sirius had really killed Potter's kid, would they all go back home and pretend none of it had ever happened?

He wondered, not for the first time, just what their most recent fight had been about. Something equally as bad as nearly getting an innocent killed? How many times would Sirius get away with this before his friends cast him out? Regulus knew, even if Sirius had done all those horrible crimes, at least he'd still forgive his brother. He never did anything without a good reason, and was continuously amazed the three he called his brothers seemed to feel the same. Would his friends do the same if he suddenly told them he was having questions about their future plans?

Frank listened intently to the kids interpretation of why they thought Black hadn't murdered Harry when he had the chance, and didn't take to the idea. If he was mad enough to be breaking into this school at all to exact these plans, surely his way out wasn't on his mind, just the murder itself. So either Sirius wasn't as mad as everyone was saying in this future, or they were still missing something.

He forgot everything else when he heard his poor son was in the most trouble for all this. His indignation at McGonagall's treatment of him grew with his fury, he had half a mind to get up to that castle and tell her off for this the second they got back. As if he was the first child to lose a password or let another student into the dorm, he shouldn't be punished for Black's doings!

When Hagrid's note arrived and they went to visit him, Alice huffed impatiently at those two forgetting about Buckbeak as much as they seemed to everything that wasn't a Firebolt lately. Just because it wasn't their responsibility didn't negate they'd offered to help. She was glad they had Hagrid in their lives all the more when he straightened them out about how they'd been treating Hermione, someone needed to tell them that sooner rather than later.

Hermione threatening to turn around and tell McGonagall about Harry's new found map wasn't garnering much sympathy though.

"What a snobby little brat!" Sirius huffed. "Can you believe this is the same kid who brewed an illegal potion last year."

"She's trying to keep her friend safe," Remus shrugged in some defense. "She's not going about it the right way, but I give her credit for trying." He didn't seem to have convinced any of his friends, but they were also the ones who ran around with a werewolf once a month. Safety wasn't often their first concern.

Alice and Frank were all the more unsympathetic to Harry's wanting to sneak out here again by trying to ditch Neville to do it. It was obvious their son was wanting a friend to be around and Harry was only thinking about what he wanted, couldn't he at least invite Neville along? He wouldn't be like Hermione and go tattling his first chance, of that they were sure.

James at least got some enjoyment of Harry's time through Hogsmeade now, especially his trip inside Zonko's. Then his son ended up here, on this very spot, and he looked around with fondness as he tried to imagine the scene. Him and a red haired kid instead just having a laugh, or him and a son who looked so much like him but with Lily's eyes as he told of the grand adventures and tails of the Marauders. He glanced at Lily and saw she was merely ignoring them, playing with her hair in agitation and clearly wishing he wasn't out there at all. He sighed and wondered what it would take for her to start daydreaming the same.

Then Malfoy arrived, and while his friends began muttering in frustration for that prat ruining their spot by his mere presence, James had the kind of grin that automatically had Lily narrowing her eyes at him once more for whatever nasty prank he was thinking.

She didn't have to wait long as Potter described the following fight with glee, along with Harry's invisible revenge. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and went as far away from them all as she could, beyond words this child kept resembling his father, always trying to solve every argument with underhanded tactics. She only listened with vague interest as Harry went off same as Malfoy for the castle and was still left wondering how Snape and a grudge of his would be involved even as he appeared and dragged Harry off to his office.

He belittle and accused him, but that was nothing unusual. He even brought up the same thing Dumbledore once had in his own light, about Potter supposedly saving his life, but now sharing more it had been some prank gone wrong. Her eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed suspiciously when exactly this had happened. Surely it wasn't the exact same instance Snape had told her about only last month.

It wasn't until Lupin was called in that she got her first hint of what was coming. She knew Snape's suspicions about him and what the Marauders got up to and still laughed at Sev's crazy ideas, but his reaction to the same man now full grown almost made her want to laugh. If this was the grudge being referred to, it really was a bit pathetic he couldn't let an old schoolboy resentment slide for a fellow college. Lupin was acting the same in this future as he did now really, avoiding everyone given the chance, why did Sev care so much?

She wasn't getting an answer as Lupin talked Snape out of any punishment, but then proceeded to berate Harry himself.

Lily watched from afar as the Marauders shifted with further unease as one of their own invoked Potter's name. Seemed she wasn't the only one unhappy with the way their future friends were acting.

Hermione ended the chapter with the gory announcement Buckbeak's death had been sentenced. If only that were the worst thing going on right now.

[chyuans]

          hello , hello  !   first of all ,  i’m super excited to be here even if i’m like 10 hrs LATE  ( gmt timezone things )  i’m noe ,  a gay  they / them at the age of 19 ,  and this privileged lil disappointment of a jock boy is gonna be filling the position of kong_01 . despite the rumours ?  yuanjun’s actually not nearly as bad as some of the people he’ll be meeting here >:)  but you’ll get to know more about that below  !  if you’d like to plot just light up that HEART , or add me on disc*rd which i’ll give out in im’s , where i’m infinitely faster .  if i’m not gaming .  no tw’s under the cut  .

* backstory. > many people know of yuanjun, but few people truly know him. he's the famous kong families’ son, heir to the kong legacy, now forward position for south korea men’s national hockey team - which brought forth a ton of international fame from back home and amongst hockey lovers worldwide. while his talent is undeniable, he is long overshadowed by his families’ accomplishments, forever reminded that he’d never be the perfect son they’d hoped for, and no one ever lets him forget it.

> being the child of business tycoons who’s art business seemed to never be on the decline, tended to lend itself to an unconventional, pretty lonely childhood. 

> although jun no longer wants to dabble in the stupid shit he probably did as a teen, and escape from their home in a childish fit of rage and make the lives of the various nannies that tended to him while his parents were off being great hell, he still wonders sometimes whether this profession is what he would’ve wanted if he’d just not wanted to spite his parents. he loves hockey - that fact is undeniable. he thanks the nanny who took him there once out of necessity to stop his whining, and he fell in love with it almost instantly. but he also questions whether he gravitated to it because it was something he could throw himself into wholeheartedly to fill a void.

> he's very open to different types of people, and after being scouted at 19 and having a massive shift both in culture and identity as he then begun to travel worldwide, he’s a tiny bit more wordly now than he was back then. he's much more concerned about who you are underneath than superficial appearances, which means developing relationships are few and far between, because a lot of people do approach him because of his fame/fortune. he's unjudgemental to the point where his friends worry about his naivety and how easily he trusts people, but he's absolutely not dumb, just very well versed on telling good people from the bad.

> jun may even come across as naïve, but he's very aware of that perception is nearly important as reality. he's not extroverted in a way that demands conversation, but he knows how to talk to anyone from any background even if its just to maintain pleasantries. after competing in various competitions and versing players from canada to japan, he's become much more sharp and ambitious, a guy who very rarely lets distractions take their course. perhaps it’s with this that his family loathe his choices all the more, with his appetite, he was born with the skills required to run a business - pity he never took to anything of the creative sort.  

> working in a fast, stressful, highly coveted job such as pro-sports is a full time job and then some; jun doesn't spend much time not working on it. outside of his schedule, he likes bettering his stamina at the gym and eating healthy. he likes being surrounded by authentic people or nobody at all. he’s not one for trying new things and having new experiences due to time management, tending to stick to a schedule.

> he gets a lot of bad press though, which is beginning to weigh a little heavy on him. doubly now the murder has people talking. from being accused of performance-enhancing pills, various personality scandals, to being linked with ‘dating’ (see: ruining the image of) idols and chaebol’s alike. right now, he’s currently battling a lot of unwanted publicity because of a misunderstood interaction online against a wealthy sweetheart that went sour. 

> while jun might be generally unsympathetic and analytical when it comes to developing relationships with people that’ll last long-term, he's a bleeding heart when it comes to kids who may have experienced the same lonely upbringing as he did, without the financial gains. right now he spends sunday’s teaching a bunch of local foster home kids how to skate, and is trying to fund a couple of sports scholarships for those who show promise under a fake name, just generally being a good ‘ole guy.

> his family do not approve of his job, ofc. in fact neither of his parents have ever attended any of his matches to this day, and are only on semi-decent terms with him because jun begrudgingly is still tied by name to the business and shows his face at events for all of 30 minutes until he physically can no longer maintain pleasantries. his celebrity image perhaps is one thing they can manipulate, and even then, jun could get into scandals galore and still be doing his job. good press, bad press, it has the kong’s family name at the forefront of peoples’ minds, which always brings forth revenue.  

> pros: could be a lot worse considering his upbringing, collected, and level-headed most of the time. wicked good at sports, and keeps a cool head in a tough situation. ambitious, curious, a little reckless. eager to prove himself, rich? and very endeared to people/places he finds fascinating. which are many. knows where the good, authentic chinese cuisine is. hardworking and very interested in the idea of Progress.

> cons: the most private person alive, will not divulge any palatable information about himself or his feelings. devil's advocate always. will put himself and others at an arm’s length the second he feels (disgusted noises) e-emotions (love, namely). gets bored easily. paranoid, leads with the head more than the heart. friends > > > family. a little self-involved, never fucking sleeps - will be that neighbour you can hear padding around above your apartment at 3.05 am like it’s mid-day, aaaaand Loves Winning Above All Else

* personality & relationships.

> like many others, jun has his fair share of surface-level friends. he’s quick to be interested in people, to get to know them better, but it's difficult for him to get closer than that after a childhood of being picked up and dropped by those who looked over him - which kinda has left him with abandonment issues.

> he’s a curator of neat things that aren’t too overtly complex, and that includes friendships. so if you have something unusual about you, whether it's a talent or a way of thinking, he would be inclined to get to know you better. also, he has a lot of leverage with his job. being friends with a sports star slash million dollar trust fund baby who can get you free shit never hurts, just don’t befriend him for the perks, yanno?

> jun is very dedicated to his vision of things, and can sometimes be very obstinate in the way he a) wants them to be done b) doesn't accept other options, think steve jobs. he's very mercurial and can be nice one minute but isn't afraid to switch to hardass boss to get things done and did.  > he is insanely competitive and his strive is drawn out by always wanting to be on top. truly first child material. that's the kind of guy he is, with standards that do not reflect his passive side too well, which sometimes can get him into some “personality” scandals. he is driven, motivated, always looking for ways to be winning.

> i'm sure someone is bound to hate him, he’s probably got a few accounts online dedicated to a steady stream of shit-talking, given his cutthroat status or holding many hockey cups.

> jun doesn’t think too much about his sexuality - he'd probably best be labelled as pan, but leans towards those who identify as women? because of his current placement in a workspace, and with a cultural identity, that both don’t often lend themselves to lgbtq+ rights, i doubt he’d ever make that public.

> he works amongst some of the fittest people in the world, he knows how to appreciate beautiful bodies, but he's not about to discriminate. he's tragically a committaphobe and isn't interested in anything long-term right now, although i think it'd be funny if someone tried. he's very open for flings and one-night stands and even a friends with benefits sort of set up. 

* wc’s.  >  bring me his baby bro and sis. i command u. i have many thoughts  >  somebody who maybe gets in on his foster-kid situation? idk maybe they have a perception of jun being what he is in the articles they read of him, but they see him and are like <3_<3 he actually real Nice huh. i see this being romantic but it could bloom a really nice, wholesome friendship too. >  enemies. not gonna lie, he doesn’t vibe with rich kids w / a stick up their ass, especially since a lot of the people he works with aren’t from exorbitant families. people who loathe him for declining to take over his families’ business? like the boy can’t even name more than 3 artists off of the top of his head?   > fwb except neither of them know what “just friends” mean.  > i would love if jun had a confidante. a best friend, a partner in crime, a total bromance 'cause i can never get enough of those. whatever label you ‘wanna put on it. wiping up each other’s messes. maybe a Betrayal in the works  > again, gonna be a wc, but i would love a “rival” of jun's on a similar level (or bigger)  that’s entirely fabricated based off of trashy articles or a misunderstood interaction online. bonus points if they’re an absolute sweetheart, well loved by most people, and generally the antithesis of jun with his multiple drug/personality rumours, which in contrast, make him seem like the bad guy. 

> party buddy. this guy hasn’t touched alcohol/cigarettes/any other stimulants since he was underage and wanted to rebel. the word “relax” does not exist in his vocabulary. Help

[gaylotusthatexists]

what about 'hidden scar' with virgil, maybe from a time before he was accepted where he saved the light sides in the mindscape without them knowing and they only just find out now? thank you so much if u do this! :)

hidden past

fandom: sanders sides

pairing: platonic moxiety

prompt: hidden scar

trigger warnings: unsympathetic janus and remus, injury mention, blood mention, crying

word count: 2293

a/n: this is written for the @badthingshappenbingo! this was very fun for me to write honestly, i hope that y’all enjoy~ 

ao3

Virgil stared at himself in the mirror, running his fingers across the scars covering his face. They were worse than usual on that day - usually they weren't so visible, easily covered up by a bit of foundation plus his signature black eyeshadow to cover up the worse bits, around his eyes. But he'd been thinking a lot recently, about back then, and about his place now, and... well, he remembered a lot more about that night, about how-

He didn't want to think about it. Patton had called him down for breakfast five minutes ago, he didn't have time to be thinking about it. He began to apply his foundation again, like he did everyday, and soon got to work on his usual eyeshadow, making it a little darker to make sure the scar was completely covered up. He didn't want Patton to see him like this and freak out. He didn't want to be asked if anything was wrong, or about how he got the scar. He didn't want to risk Patton changing his opinion of Virgil, growing scared of him, sending him right back to where he 'belonged', where he came from.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his own skin.

"You okay, kiddo?" the voice on the other side asked. "You've been in there a while. Your eggs are getting cold."

Virgil breathed in. It was just Patton. How long had he been in the bathroom now? It usually took him ten, fifteen minutes to do his makeup fully, but he was trying some else today to really cover up those scars, and he'd spent a while just staring at himself, trying to calm his nerves before even starting the makeup. He breathed in again. All of this shouldn't be too difficult to explain to Patton. Patton probably wouldn't even ask.

"Kiddo?" Patton said again, and Virgil inwardly cringed for taking so long to think of a reply.

"I'll be out in a moment, Pat," he called, desperately dabbing more foundation onto his skin. It wasn't working - the scars were still visible. A little hidden, and probably invisible if you didn't know they were there, but Virgil didn't want to risk it, couldn't risk it. He could feel himself tearing up now, which didn't help at all, because if he cried properly the makeup would be ruined and the scars would be on full show.

"Alright," Patton said, sounding a little skeptical, "just hurry up, Roman's getting impatient."

Virgil breathed in and out a few times, trying to push his emotions down and pretend that everything was fine. He looked at himself one more time in the mirror. The scars were... mostly hidden. Perhaps visible under certain lights, but as long as the others wouldn't look too closely, things would be fine. He would be fine. He quickly ruffled his hair, fixing his bangs, before packing away his makeup and stepping out the bathroom. Roman immediately rushed past him, locking the bathroom behind him, whilst Virgil slowly make his way down to the kitchen, where Patton was waiting.

"Oh, did you do something new with your makeup?" Patton asked, as he placed a plate in front of Virgil.

After taking a few bites (mostly to delay his response to Patton for as long as possible, he cleared his throat. "Yup. Thought, uh, thought that maybe it'd look cool. I don't know." What he'd really done was add a few lines running down his face, to cover up some of the more prominent scars, but Patton didn't need to know that. "It's not too much, is it?"

"Oh, of course not, kiddo!" Patton exclaimed, sitting down opposite Virgil and beginning to eat breakfast himself. "It looks super cool!"

Virgil gave him a small smile. "Thanks." He turned back to his food. Flashes of that night circled his mind again, and suddenly he didn't have much of an appetite. He pushed his plate away.

Patton frowned. "Are they too cold? I can heat them up for you if you want, or make another plate-"

"No, Pat, it's fine," Virgil said. "Just... not really feeling that hungry."

That didn't seem to make Patton feel any better. "You still need to eat, kiddo! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day-"

"Nah, don't worry Pat, I'll be okay." Virgil stood up. "I can eat at lunch, alright?"

"Alright." Patton shuffled in his seat. "Well, uh, I'm heading down to the market in the Imagination later, you could come with me if you-"

"No thanks, Pat," Virgil said, perhaps a little too harshly.

He hated how blunt he was being, and especially hated the fact that under any other circumstances, Virgil would have gladly accept Patton's offer, which meant that now Patton would definitely know that something was wrong, and he might end up questioning Virgil, and then Virgil would have to explain, and that old wound would be opened up even more, and oh God he could feel himself starting to cry again-

"I'm just gonna head back up to my room," Virgil said, trying to remain as calm as possible, "but I'll see you later, yeah?"

Patton nodded. "Yeah, okay, of course. I'll come check on you before I leave, if you want, just in case you change your mind."

Please don't. "Okay. See you."

He left the kitchen and made his way back up to him room, collapsing onto his bed. It wasn't until his door was closed and he could no longer hear footsteps in the rooms around him that he allowed his tears to pour out, falling onto his pillow. He thought that all of that stuff was behind him, but...

He'd been trying to protect them. The light sides still weren't his friends, not really, but at least if he was there to 'torment' them, he could prevent the others from hurting them even more. Deceit wasn't so bad, Virgil supposed, and Remus was fine sometimes, or would be fine if- if he didn't feel the need to take control.

He couldn't remember which one of them had done this to him. Perhaps it had been all three, each getting their fair share. Virgil had only dared to speak up. The light sides weren't that bad, if they would just drop their act for a while the light sides would probably listen, they would all be able to help Thomas. But he supposed the others didn't want to help, not as much as he did.

Perhaps Virgil was going soft. That's what Deceit always told him. He cared too much about the light sides, about people who didn't give a damn about him. And he wasn't doing anything to help with the 'master plan'. Deceit always accused him of fraternising with the enemy, always implied that Virgil was one of them. He wasn't, of course. At the time, his loyalty would always lie with the dark sides. Not so much anymore, after everything they had put him through, but... In any case, Virgil always wanted to do what was best for Thomas, and if that meant he had to act like a light side, then he would. If it meant he'd have to keep the light sides from getting hurt, he'd protect them at all costs.

So when he had declared it was time for him to step in, of course Virgil had protested. Of course he'd told him to stop, to leave the light sides alone. And of course he had accused Virgil was being one of them - and he wasn't one of them, they all still hated him, but he still felt the need to protect them - but of course when Virgil tried to explain, he had just lashed out. And of course he had called Deceit and Remus, as well, and...

He didn't like to think about it. Didn't like to think about how they'd attempted to hold him back, how he'd screamed and screamed for them to stop, to listen to him. They were supposed to be his friends, his family, and they...

He still remembered the next morning, waking up in the light side's domain just before sunrise, with a banging headache and a soaring pain over his whole face. He remembered rushing to the bathroom and crying when he saw all the cuts across his skin, the black eye and the bruising on his cheek, the blood dripping down his face. He'd cleaned up as best he could, hid away from the others for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months - time had been weird, in that period, hiding from the light sides and being unable to return to the dark sides, placing himself in complete isolation - until he began to look like his normal self again, just... not quite the same. The swelling and the bruising went down, and the bleeding soon stopped, but the scars never faded. And neither did that awful feeling, the constant reminder that he wasn't welcome with the people he'd previously considered to be his closest friends, his only friends.

So he hid the scars. For years and years, every morning he'd have to apply that same makeup, under the guise that he was just doing it to be edgy, and he'd sit through the light sides insults and ignorance, just for a chance of human connection, to pretend that maybe he could have a new family, that... that none of that awful stuff that happened in his past was real. 

It still hurt. The scars, and the dark side's words, and the thought of everything the light sides did to him after, the fact that they didn't even know.

They couldn't know. He couldn't let them know. He had that family now, the friends he always wanted, they were nice to him, but... he was scared. Scared that the moment they saw what he truly looked like, that they found how he'd been lying to them this whole time, things would go right back to the way they were before. Roman would certainly find new ways to insult him, probably slipping right back into his old habits. Logan would probably be unsettled by Virgil's appearance, perhaps refuse to hang out with him as much as he did, stop sitting next to him whilst reading his books, what was usually a silent declaration of his trust and love for Virgil. And Patton... Patton would know. He'd find out about Virgil's past, and- and he'd hate him for it. He'd send him back.

There was a gentle knock on his door. Virgil began to panic. He sat up in his bed, noticing that some of his makeup had come off onto his sheets and the rest had most likely been ruined by his tears. He quickly repositioned himself, hiding under his blanket to prevent the outside world from seeing him like this. Just in case the person came in. He didn't reply to them, but... just in case.

The door slowly opened. Great. The next moment, someone was sat on his bed, gently stroking his shoulder. Virgil tensed up.

"Are you alright, kiddo?"

Oh. It was Patton, again. Of course. Virgil breathed in, desperately trying to think happy thoughts to stop himself from crying but coming up with nothing.

"I'm fine," he said. There was a silent echo to his voice, a little deeper than usual. He did not sound fine.

"Virgil, baby, look at me."

Virgil was silent for a moment, before simply saying, "No." 

"Virgil-"

"I don't want to."

"At least tell me what's wrong-"

"I can't."

"I just want to-"

"I can't!"

He'd sat up now, throwing the covers off him and looking Patton right in the eye. Patton withdrew a little, a... scared expression growing on his face, then a mixture of fear and disgust, and then... confusion, pity. And Virgil realised his mistake. His scars were on show. Silence fell over the room, and in that moment Virgil just wanted to disappear.

"What happened?" Patton finally let out, his voice quiet and timid.

Virgil hunched his shoulder. He looked down, fixing his eyes on his bed. "I..."

"Should we get Logan?" Patton asked, the fear in his eyes quickly fading, to be replaced by concerned. "Those... Those, uh, they look pretty nasty-"

"No." His voice was still deep and echoey and he hated it.

"Breath, Virgil," Patton said, apparently just now beginning to notice the panic settling in Virgil.

Virgil took several deep breaths, trying to get his thoughts straight. Patton stayed with him, quiet, eyes drifting to the side as if he could sense Virgil's discomfort of being looked at. And once Virgil was ready, Patton listened.

"I've had these for years," Virgil said, slowly. "I, uh, didn't want you guys to know in case you freaked out, but, uh..." Virgil found himself telling Patton everything. All about life with the dark sides, and about that night, and about what had happened after when he was with the light sides, and... and everything in between. At several parts, he felt like he should stop, but knew if he did stop he'd never find the courage to speak about it again. And Patton deserved to know. Even if it meant he'd no longer want Virgil around... Virgil didn't want to hide any longer.

When Virgil was done, Patton just looked at him, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Kiddo..."

And then Patton was hugging him, tightly, allowing Virgil to bury his head in his shoulder. Patton was warm, and comfortable, and soon enough all of Virgil's fears from earlier had faded.

"You're safe now, kiddo," Patton said. "We love you. You don't have to hide anything. You're safe."

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hi lol...This was inspired by one of these from a couple of months ago that I just read but sort of turned up to an eleven. A story where James and Remus are being more secretive and like sneaking off just the two of them so Sirius starts thinking they're secretly dating when really Remus is helping James come up with the right way to ask Sirius out? (or something like that) Sirius is hurting but tries to be supportive cause he just wants them to be happy and wants no more secrets

If Sirius was going to use one word to describe his most dominant good quality, he would say it was loyalty. His dominant bad qualities were harder to pin down. Quick to anger and jealousy were certainly up there, and fortunately, the loyalty trumped them out. Mostly. He'd nearly gotten Snape killed by getting too angry too fast, and the loyalty part managed to get him to tell James before he actually died. And right now... he was really hoping the loyalty thin would hold out. Because he was losing his buggering mind right now. 

Remus and James were together. And they hadn't told him. They were keeping it a secret, and they didn't want Sirius to know. There were any number of reasons why that could be, but Sirius's leading hypothesis was that they knew he wouldn't react well. And he wasn't. That he was having a bad reaction to this would prove them right, and he needed to fix that. He might be a complete arse, but he wasn't going to ruin this for them. He was in love with James. So what? James fancied Remus, and Remus fancied him back. Sirius wasn't going to bugger up them being happy because he couldn't deal with a little jealousy. He'd be fine-- and he was going to keep telling himself that until it felt true. 

"Hey, d'you think we could-" Sirius started to ask, but he stopped when James cut him off. 

"Sorry, mate. Me and Remus have to- erm. Study! We need to go study and it's very important, so we'll see you 'round, yeah?" James said, tugging on Remus's sleeve and they beat a hasty exit. 

Peter was a little confused, staring after them. "I thought we were studying." 

"Don't worry about it, Wormtail," Sirius said, ripping his eyes away from the door and back to his parchment. "When they want to tell us what they're up to, they will." 

"Since when are you considerate? Shouldn't we be following them? No secrets between Marauders, mate. We're all in this shite together." 

Sirius blew out a breath and had to concentrate to keep where he was instead of running after them. "Yeah, but I think this is a bit more personal than that. Let's give them some space. They'll tell us when they're ready." 

"You already know, don't you," Peter accused. 

"They didn't tell me, if that's what you're asking." 

"So you know what they're doing?" 

"I have an idea, and I'm not telling you. Did you finish your Charms essay or what?" 

*

"Sirius knows something's going on," James said, looking behind him in worry. 

Remus snorted, completely unsympathetic. "Maybe that's because you said we had to leave to study while we were all doing homework, you pillock." 

"Bugger off. We needed an excuse or we were going to be late." They still needed to change clothes and sneak out of the castle so they could make the appointment at the cake shop, and James had sort of lost track of time surreptitiously watching Sirius while writing his essay. It's not his fault his best mate was so gorgeous, okay? He was allowed to get distracted every now and then. 

"I think you're getting a little too obsessed with this birthday thing." 

"Sirius is only going to have one seventeenth birthday, and it needs to be incredible," James said, swatting Remus upside the head. "With his parents being such shite, he needs to be able to have a good time without focusing on his family not being there for him." 

"Okay, but it's Sirius. How much is he really going to give a shit?" 

"How dare you, Moony. Sirius loves parties!" 

"Yeah, but when has he ever liked celebrating his birthday?" 

James swat his head again, glaring. "We're going to make it so kick arse that he has to enjoy it. Now are you going to help or keep talking about how we're wasting time?" 

"I'll help," Remus rushed to say, but James wasn't fooled into thinking that Moony was suddenly on board; he was here for the cake. 

*

"Hey James?" Sirius asked, chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he stared unseeing at the fire. 

"Yeah?" 

"You can tell me anything. You know that right?" 

"Course," James said, grinning at him. 

"You... like, you don't need to be worried about how I'll react. As long as you're happy, I'm good." 

James was too focused on the butterflies fluttering around his stomach to notice Sirius's weird mood. "Thanks. That's- that's great. I knew you were my best mate for a reason." 

Sirius glanced over at him, mustering up a smile. "'Course there's a reason. I couldn't get everything in my life from my stunning good looks." 

*

James was getting happier, and Sirius was getting better at forcing himself to be happy for them. Remus seemed pretty much the same as he always was, but Remus was a lot better at hiding emotions than the rest of them combined; it's like he wanted to make everyone think he was at the same level of slightly amused at all times.

He could deal with this. James was so bloody happy; Remus was (probably) just as happy; he needed to accept this once and for all. 

*

His birthday was tomorrow. Sirius had never dreaded a day more. The Marauders all tried to make him enjoy his birthday because they thought it was a really buggering important day or some rot, which meant he was going to have to suffer through a dessert and James giving him a present when all he wanted was to turn into Padfoot and not think for a while. 

Maybe that wasn't fair of him. Dessert was always delicious, and it was nice to have a day dedicated to just the four of them instead of worrying about upcoming exams and shite. James always gave him the best presents ever, and it made him all warm and happy to know that James cared enough to pay attention to the little things about him. 

It was going to hurt like hell no matter what happened. Either they did the normal shite and he had to try and wriggle a confession out of his friends because all this hiding-in-the-shadows really wasn't necessary, or they went lighter this year and he spent his time dreaming that James would give him a birthday kiss and beating himself up over it. 

So yeah. He wasn't looking forward to his birthday. 

*

Sirius did his best to avoid any chance at festivities. Only as much as he thought he could get away with without alerting James, though. If he was too obvious about it, James would double down on trying to make sure he had a good day. 

It only bought him a few hours, and James caught up to him in the dormitory a couple hours before lunch. He held up a chocolate cupcake with a single candle in it. The candle was tipped with an unnaturally red fire, clearly magical. James had a wide grin on his face, as he held the cupcake aloft. "I know you wanted some time alone, but c'mon mate, it's time to start celebrating. You have a good time every year." 

That was true, but, "Yeah, I'm not erm in the mood to celebrate. Thanks though." 

"Just one present? It's from Mum and Dad." 

Sirius wanted to say no and go back to moping, but James had this hopeful gleam in his eyes that he couldn't refuse. "Fine." 

James put the cupcake on the bedside table and held out a small box to him. "They wanted to give it to you themselves, but I promised I'd take care of it. No point in waiting until break, y'know?" 

Sirius took the box and flipped the lid open. A watch. It was gorgeous, all shining gold with two different faces-- one to tell time and one that was currently blank, probably for personal customization. There was a note underneath the metal, the parchment sticking out enough that it couldn't be missed. They'd remembered. Sirius had told them when he was- Merlin, maybe twelve?-- that he wanted his watch to be gold but he knew it would be silver because that's what everyone in the Black family did: black and silver were their colours and they weren't going to stray from that, not for him. But Potter-Mum and Potter-Dad had remembered. He'd told them that he wanted a two-face watch, and that's what they'd gotten for him. Sirius snapped the lid back closed. "Thanks." He leaned over and opened one of the drawers in his bedside table, shoved the box in, and slammed it shut. "I'll make sure to write a thank you note. We done now?" 

James didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, his tone was subdued but hopeful. "One more thing? Please?" 

"Fine." 

James picked up the cupcake and held it in front of Sirius's face with a tentative smile. "Here," he said grabbing one of Sirius's hands and pulling it up until he could put the cupcake in it. James put his own hand under his. "Close your eyes." 

Sirius did. It made the warmth of James's hand more obvious, and he hated himself that much more. 

"And think of what you want. If there was one thing you could have today, what would it be?" James paused, then said, "You got it?" 

He did. His self-disgust was mounting, but he had it. If there was one thing he could have today, it would be a kiss from James. It made him feel small and pathetic, but he wanted it. His normal parents hadn't wanted him the way he was; James didn't want him the way he was. This was a fantasy, and in his fantasy, James didn't just love him, he was in love with him. "Yeah," he whispered. 

"Blow." 

Sirius did, and the candle went out with a quick spark as he was opening his eyes again. 

"Now," James said, still smiling because that's what James did-- he smiled-- "what did you wish for?" 

"For you to kiss me." 

James put a hand on one side of Sirius's face and leaned in, gently pressing their lips together. 

Sirius jerked back, but it was several seconds too late. He'd let James lean in, and he'd let him end it before he reacted. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"Kissing you?" 

"You're-" Without thinking, Sirius put his hands on James's chest and pushed, getting some distance between them. "You're dating Remus!" 

"I'm what?" James asked, looking confused. 

"Moony!" 

"Yeah, I know who Remus is, thanks. We're not dating, Sirius. Why'd you think that?" 

"I- you kept sneaking off!" 

James blinked. "And?" 

"And keeping secrets! We don't keep secrets from other Marauders. What else was I supposed to think?" 

"That we were planning your birthday party?" 

"Why wasn't Wormtail invited?" 

"Because Peter can't lie to you for shite, and we wanted it to be a surprise. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise." 

"Oh," Sirius said faintly, because that did sort of make more sense than what he'd been thinking. He glanced down and realised that he'd smashed the cupcake-- candle and all-- into James's shirt. "Erm. Sorry." He gingerly started to pull his hands back, and the cupcake fell to pieces on the duvet. He wiped his hands on it since a glob of frosting had already landed. "I can't believe you kissed me just because it was my birthday wish." 

"That makes it sound like I was coerced. You know- I mean, Sirius, you know how... I feel about you, yeah?" 

"I'm your best mate," Sirius said, nodding. 

James snorted. "Obviously. But like, best mates don't kiss for fun. That's more of a boyfriend thing. So er. I guess what I'm offering is to do the boyfriend thing. With, er, you." 

Sirius looked up at him incredulously. "That is the worst way I have ever been asked out," he declared. Then, because James's shirt was already dirty, he grabbed a fistful and pulled him in for another kiss. 

[sagesparrow394]

The Unconscious

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Intrulogical, Abusive Logicality

Summary: Due to constant abuse from the light sides, every night, Logan journeys to the lake of the unconscious to calm down and take a break. The lake acts like solid ground, and Logan can usually lie on it and relax. However, one day something goes wrong. One day, he falls in. 

Based on a prompt sent to me by @ispeakhalflies

Warning: Unsympathetic and abusive Patton, unsympathetic Virgil and Roman, blood, violence. (let me know if I need to add more)

----------

There were a lot of places in the mindscape that the sides would visit that weren’t part of their main living area. There was the imagination, which was Roman’s main domain outside the living area. There was the names and faces database, which was constantly disorganised. There was the facts and opinions library, where sides often forgot which book belonged where and would place them on the wrongs shelves. And there was the memory vault, which was a space-like room where star-like orbs floated. These orbs were condensed memories that could be accessed and viewed. Patton would spend a lot of time there - being able to choose memories to view was a lot better than his room, where different memories surrounded him all the time. Logan also spent a lot of time there, as he liked the space vibe the room had. He found it calming.

However, there was another place Logan would go when he needed to calm down. Down down, far below any other part of the mindscape, there was a lake. A large still lake, that was a dark navy blue, reflecting the room around it like a mirror. This lake led to the unconscious.

Well, other sides called it the subconscious. However, Logan knew the proper psychoanalytical term was unconscious. ‘Subconscious’ implied it was another plain of consciousness that Thomas was aware of. However, both Thomas was not aware of it and both he and the sides were not aware of what it contained. Therefore it was the unconscious.

All the other sides were terrified of it. It was a deep dark void, after all. None of them wanted to know what led beneath. Because of this and their avoidance of it, it was the perfect place for Logan to come when he needed an escape.

And boy did he need an escape. To him, the ‘light’ side of the mindscape wasn’t all that ‘light’. Roman constantly made fun of Logan because he couldn’t do so to Virgil anymore, and it was a huge kick in the gut every time. Logan knew Roman was insecure and that’s why he did it, but it wasn’t an excuse to be rude.

Virgil always overlooked Logan in favour of Patton and Roman, going to them for comfort, or for just casually spending time. It made Logan feel unwanted. And if Virgil did go to Logan, and Logan said something Virgil didn’t want to hear, Virgil would accuse him of being Deceit and lying. Logan understood it was because of Virgil’s past with Deceit, and the distrust caused by that, but it wasn’t an excuse to be hurtful.

And Patton… Oh, Patton. At first, he had been the one who could actually make Logan happy. They even decided to start a relationship. However, it was after the relationship began that Patton began to show his true colours; he became extremely possessive.

Logan found himself unable to talk to any other side for too long, being dragged away by Patton mid conversation “for cuddles”. The same went for his work. At first, Patton would drag him away only occasionally, so it seemed he was just worried about Logan overworking himself. But then it became more and more often, until Logan was doing practically no work. This meant Thomas had no schedules and procrastinated more, which made Roman and Virgil mad at Logan for ruining Thomas’ creative whimsy and making him anxious.

Despite that, Logan would give in to Patton and let himself be dragged away from work. Why? Because, for the preacher of honesty in Thomas’ head, Patton was an expert manipulator. When Logan did what Patton asked, Patton would reward him with baked goods - most with a Crofters twist to make them irresistible to the logical side. Due to this, Logan found himself obediently following Patton’s commands like a puppy being trained, desperate for the treat he would get if he did so.

Logan didn’t even realise how Patton was conditioning him until he found himself unable to do up the button of his jeans one morning. When trying to connect the dots of how he had gained the weight that caused this, it suddenly occurred to him just how much Patton seemed to feed him, and the circumstances that usually led to said food being given to him. Safe to say, Logan was horrified.

After that, he tried to decline the food when offered. He claimed he was trying to be healthier, in the hopes of not aggravating the moral side. However, Patton would then proceed to “playfully” force-feed Logan, as a way of establishing his power and control. Logan had no choice in even what he ate, let alone anything else.

All this made Logan start escaping to the lake of the unconscious at night more and more.

He’d never enter the lake, of course. He didn’t want to sink into the seemingly bottomless void of the waters. Though, to be fair, he was effectively unable to sink. It acted like solid ground. He would walk across it, and lie down in the middle of the lake, eyes closed and calm for once in his life. It was perfect…

At first he’d only go once a month. Then once a fortnight. Then once a week. Then every two nights. Then he’d spend every night out there, alone and peaceful.

However, one night, it wasn’t so calming.

The day had been one of the worst of Logan’s life. Thomas was a week behind for filming, so Roman and Virgil tore into Logan completely. So, Logan went back to his room and started to desperately draw up schedules to fix the mess. Only Patton dragged him away from his desk the minute he sat down, before trying to get him to eat a whole batch of Crofters thumbprint cookies. Logan tried to turn them down, pointing out the fact his shirts were riding up a little at this point, but Patton wouldn’t have it.

So, later, he found himself led in bed, stomach achingly full, which was not helped by Patton hugging him more tightly than should be necessary. He honestly felt on the verge of being sick. However, he did not pull himself from Patton’s grasp, waiting until a sign…

Aha! There it was! Roman and Virgil were calling goodnight to each other, and a moment later there was the sound of their bedroom doors closing. Just to be safe, he waited a minute or so longer, before deciding to make his move.

He moved very gently so as to not disturb Patton as he slipped out of bed. From there, he tiptoed from the room, making sure that the door made no noise as he pulled it slowly closed. Then, he hurried quietly down the hall.

He left the living area, heading all the way to the very back of the mindscape, where a staircase descended. Logan went down, down down down, far beneath, to the very bottom of the mindscape. He pushed open the door at the bottom and there he was.

He stepped into the room, the lake still and glistening in front of him. The air of familiar calm washed over him straight away, causing a smile to tug at his face as he walked to the edge of the water. With that, he gently took a step. He travelled across the water with ease until he reached the centre. There, he led down, sighing as he got comfy on the water. So peaceful…

He lost track of how long he led there. He may have fallen asleep.

Whatever happened, he was jolted back into reality as he was suddenly dropped into the water.

His body immediately tensed up at the shock of plunging into the freezing lake. After snapping out of the shock, he desperately tried to swim back to the surface, feeling water flooding his throat. He was going to drown! No no no no…!

… Wait. Hold on. He could still breathe? Despite being underwater?

“What the…?”

And he could speak? Well… I guess it would make sense the unconscious was no ordinary lake…

He looked up to find the surface getting further and further away, and he went back to trying to swim up. However, as he did so, he seemed to sink faster.

Eventually, the surface couldn’t even be seen. He was surrounded by blackness.

He felt his breathing pick up. How was he going to get out if he couldn’t swim up? Was he going to be stuck here forever?! And if he wasn’t, if he got out far too late, Patton would know he’d snuck off… What would he do? Punish him? Hurt him? Decide to feed him more and more until Logan was too big to move and so could never leave?! CUT HIS LEGS OFF?!

… Wait, what? Why did he think that? Patton was bad, but not that bad. Why had the thought of Patton cutting his legs off occurred to him? It was incredibly illogical for him to think. If anything, that was more in Remus’ domai-

Whaaaaaaat was that?!

Logan froze as he felt something slimy wrap around his ankle. He didn’t want to look down. Nope. Whatever it was, maybe if he just stayed perfectly still it would go away. He just needed to stay cal-

It was wrapping around his other ankle too! Logan couldn’t stop himself from looking down, and immediately paled, any and all colour draining. 

Recently, Logan had watched a documentary about something that honestly scared him a little. So, to be honest, he probably shouldn’t have watched it, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. This documentary had been about creatures that lived at the bottom of the ocean. One creature he had found particularly unnerving was the Bigfin Squid. The name didn’t exactly sound horrifying, but it sure looked it. And along with the knowledge that it is eight meters, or 26ft, in length, Logan had found his new nightmare.

And now, here it was, gripping his ankles in two of its unbelievably long arms. And it was slowly dragging him closer to its open beak.

The scream that forced itself from Logan’s throat was louder than any noise he had made before. He frantically kicked and squirmed until he no longer felt the arms, and then he swam as fast as he possibly could. He didn’t stop until he felt completely physically drained, unable to move anymore.

He gasped for breath, trying to stop himself from sobbing. What was going on? Why was that thing here?! And why couldn’t he get ou-

Logan flinched upon seeing a bright flash and hearing the clap of thunder. No… no no no, not a thunderstorm! Logan would never admit it to anyone else, but he was terrified of thunder and lightning. And now he was caught in the middle of a storm, rain pouring down on him despite already being underwater. He whimpered, curling into a ball as another clap of thunder sounded. Wind, so strong he felt like he would get swept up in it, swirled around him. There was another lightning strike, this one feet away from where he was floating, and he screeched in terror. He curled up even tighter, eyes forced shut, begging for this to be over. Why did he have to fall into the unconscious?!

After ten whole minutes of being caught in the storm, the wind finally settled and the thunder quietened to silence. Logan began to relax, taking deep breaths (‘in for four, hold for seven, out for eight…’) and uncurling.

However, the calm didn’t last long, as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around to face whoever it was, expecting the worst, only to find himself face to face with Roman.

“R-Roman, thank god! You have to get me out of here, I-”

“No. You are staying here in this hell. And you will until you finally learn to actually be fucking productive! Because of you, Thomas hasn’t uploaded a video in months! You always harped on me about not meeting deadlines, and now you’re not even making deadlines to meet! You’re a disgusting hypocrite, and a fucking failure! You deserve to live your life in this terror! And maybe take the time to lose all that weight you’ve put on. When you come back, I don’t want the Fanders thinking I’m friends with a disgusting pig.”

Logan blinked back the tears welling in his eyes as Roman seemed to fade away into the darkness. He didn’t even have time to question it before he was suddenly shoved in the shoulder and forced to turn and face someone else. This time, it was Virgil.

“You’re the worst fucking logic ever, you know that? For someone who’s meant to be grounding and realistic, you’re the most anxiety-inducing liar I’ve ever met. You’re even worse than Deceit! You may as well be a Dark Side with how bad you are to all of us and Thomas! Roman’s right, you need to get your fucking shit together.” He suddenly grabbed Logan by the collar and pulled him close, glaring down at him. “And if you don’t, I meant it back when I said I wouldn’t be afraid to prohibit your breathing.”

Logan’s heart thudded in his chest as Virgil moved his hands to be wrapped around Logan’s throat, slowly squeezing tighter and tighter, until Logan was clawing at the anxious side’s hands, desperate for air.

This was it. He was going to die. He was going to die a horrible failure, never having apologised to Thomas for his horrible work, and stuck in an unhappy relationship.

“GET OFF OF HIM!”

Logan was suddenly pulled from Virgil’s grasp and into a tight hug. An extremely tight one that could only belong to Patton. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or scared.

That question was answered for him when he was slapped across the face.

“Don’t you dare go near either of those two again! Don’t go near anyone!” Patton snarled. “You’re mine, Logan. Not Virgil’s, not Roman’s, not Thomas’. Mine.” His expression softened upon seeing the tears streaming down Logan’s face and the terror etched upon his features. “Oh, don’t be scared. Being mine isn’t a bad thing. I’ll feed you all the delicious Crofters treats you want. I’ll cuddle you aaaall day. You never ever have to work. You’ll be my teddy bear…” He hugged Logan again, but Logan wasn’t comforted at all. In fact, Patton’s words had caused him to cry harder. He wanted to work! He needed to! He didn’t want to spend his whole life as a cuddle toy for Patton!

“In fact… if you’re my little teddy bear, I should do what Andy does to his toys in Toy Story.” Patton pushed Logan back out of the hug before pulling a knife from his pocket. “Mark you so everyone knows who you belong to.”

Before he could even gasp, Logan found his pyjama shirt being pulled up and Patton pressing the blade of the knife against the skin of his stomach. Logan cried in pain as Patton carved line after line into the logical side’s flesh. He begged for someone, anyone, to hear and save him. It felt like hours before Patton stepped back, admiring his handiwork. Logan glanced down, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as he saw the bleeding word ‘Patton’, so deep he knew that the scar would never heal.

“Perfect, LoLo. Now everyone will leave you alone, knowing that you’re mine already. Don’t cry, it’s for the better. Now let’s go to my room. I’ll lock the door so no one can take you away, and so you don’t run off again.” Patton grabbed Logan’s wrist.

And in that moment, something in Logan snapped. For years, he had had to deal with the torture from his fellow ‘light’ sides. But you know what? Enough was fucking enough.

He screamed, but not a terrified scream. It was more of a battle cry. He lifted his legs and kicked Patton square in the jaw. He continued to kick and punch, screaming all the things he’d always wanted to say, but never had the courage to before. He didn’t know how long he was doing so. It could have been five minutes or five hours. All he knew was that, after one last kick, Patton suddenly disappeared, fading into the darkness.

And as he did so, arms wrapped around Logan’s waist. Logan screamed again, thrashing to try and escape from whoever it was’ grasp.

“Hey, hey, Logan, it’s okay! It’s just me! It’s Remus!”

Logan stopped at the familiar, nasally voice, turning to see it was indeed Remus who was holding him. He immediately relaxed, tears of relief brimming.

God, he was crying so much today…

“Jeez, whatever you saw must have really shaken you up… Let’s get you out of here before any other apparitions appear.” Remus kicked his legs, and unlike when Logan tried, easily swam up through the black waters, and it wasn’t long until they broke the surface. Logan coughed up water as Remus continued to rise up so he and the logical side were floating over the surface. The creative side clicked his fingers before lowering down, the surface once again acting like solid ground. “There. You’re okay now. Safe and sound.”

“Th-thank you…” Logan stuttered, trembling a little. However, he paused a moment later, unable to control the questions flooding his mind. “Why were you down there? How come you can control the lake? Why doesn’t… it hurt… anymore…” His last question trailed off so Remus couldn’t even hear it as Logan lifted his shirt. Patton’s name was no longer engraved in his stomach. There wasn’t a drop of blood there, or even any scarring.

“Well, with your first question, I could ask you the same thing. Not many sides like coming in here. But, um, well, you know how Roman has the imagination? Well, the unconscious is basically my equivalent. Roman has Thomas’ fantasies that he willingly and happily thinks about and engages in. I have Thomas’ nightmares and horrors that he doesn’t like to think about and isn’t aware of until I choose to forcibly send one up. That’s why I can control this place. I open it to access when I need to drop in, and close it when I leave.”

“...So that’s why I fell in today? Because you were in there?”

“Yep. Didn’t know you were a frequent visitor, though.”

Logan shrugged, smiling a little. “It’s calming and quiet in here… Well, it is when I’m not falling in.” He paused. “Wait. Patton, Roman and Virgil are down there. I saw them. Th-they’re stuck down there! Oh god, I saw them and left them… Th-they’re going to hate me even more now…! Roman and Virgil are going to scream at me for ages, a-and Patton… Patton’s gonna lock me in his room and never let me leave and hurt me for leaving him tonight twice, and-”

“Logan. Take a deep breath. Focus on my voice. Now, when you saw the three of them, did they float or swim away after, or did they seem to fade into darkness?”

“F-fade. Why?”

“That means they weren’t real, Lo. The unconscious has a defence mechanism where if someone who isn’t me or any of the other Dark Sides enters, it attacks them with their greatest fears.” He paused. “You’re scared of the other light sides… Aren’t they your family? Aren’t you in love with Patton?”

Logan shook his head, feeling the tears welling once again. Ugh, he hated feelings, this needed to stop. “I, um… They don’t really care about me. Roman and Virgil hate me… And Patton, he treats me more like a possession than a partner. He pulls me from my work so he can cuddle me like a teddy bear, hence why Thomas has been procrastinating so much more recently. And you, uh, probably have noticed I’ve put on weight. It’s because Patton decided to psychologically condition me into doing what he wanted by baking me things when I obeyed him. And when I realised and tried to resist, he started force-feeding me instead, like some sick way of establishing his power and dominance.”

“Jesus…” Remus mumbled. “I didn’t know Patton was that bad… Like, rule one of any kink, even feeding, is always get consent first.” He paused. “But if it makes you feel any better, I think you look kinda cute with the extra chub.”

Logan tensed a little, feeling his face flush at this comment. Cute? Really? He’d always thought he looked like a whale. But he was cute?

Apparently his silence made Remus nervous, as the creative side suddenly started rambling. “Sorry, is that, like, a sensitive topic for you? I won’t bring it up again, and I take back the comment if it made you uncomforta-”

“No! It’s okay! It’s just… Patton, despite being the one who did this to me, never called me cute or anything. He never even complimented me at all… Now that I think about it, I don’t think he’s ever told me he loves me.”

Remus bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Logan… I think you should move in with us.”

Logan blinked up at him, eyebrows furrowing. “What?”

“You should live with us Dark Sides. From what I’ve heard, you really need to get out of there. You’re not safe with the others. Roman and Virgil sound like dicks, Patton’s abusing you, and you deserve so much better! I know we don’t have that great a reputation, but I promise with all my cold, rotten, slimy heart that we will treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Please?”

“But… but what if Patton gets mad? What if they all do? What if they come to take me back? What if they hurt you and Deceit and-”

“Trust me, Lo, we won’t let them do that. I mean, you know I’m a pretty good fighter. And it’s still safer for you than staying with them.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to bite his lips and think things over. But as he deliberated, he found Remus was right. He was in danger if he stayed with the others. Not to mention, after his visions in the unconscious, he would likely be in extreme paranoia any time he was near Patton.

“Okay. I’ll join the Dark Sides.”

A grin spread across Remus’ face, and he wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist, lifting him up and spinning with him. “You’re gonna have the best time ever!!! We have weekly horror movie nights, with all the snacks you could want! We host the best Halloween parties, which guarantee sugar highs with the amount of candy there is! And! And and! I’ll turn off the defence mechanism for the unconscious for you so you can visit my kingdom!”

“Your kingdom?”

“Yep! The black fear-inducing lake is just the top, protective layer. Under that lies my kingdom. Come on, I’ll take you there!”

With two clicks of his fingers, one allowing access to Logan and the other opening access to the lake, Remus and Logan plunged back into the water. Logan clung to the other side as they sank deep down through the water, expecting some horror of his to appear. However, it never did.

Then, Logan felt his feet leaving water, and his whole body followed, before slipping out of the liquid and being dropped onto solid ground. Remus landed beside him right after.

“Welcome to my kingdom! You get to view it from the best seat in the house: my very own tower!”

Logan stood up, finding himself standing on the balcony of a tower made of black stone, vines crawling up it and wrapping around the stone balcony banister. He looked out at the surroundings, and was immediately struck at the stark contrast Remus’ kingdom had compared to Roman’s.

The whole place was glum and grim. The sky was grey and cloudy, no sun, moon or stars visible, unlike Roman’s sunny, warm and bright one. Whereas Roman’s villages were filled with villagers singing and dancing, Remus’ were eerily quiet. Roman’s forests were filled with adorable animals and fantastical creatures. Remus’ were dark, and Logan thought he saw Bigfoot roaming around in one of them. As for cryptids and creatures, Cthulhu and the Kraken were off in the distant ocean, looking like they were just chilling and talking.

“So… what do you think?” Remus asked, leaning on the banister.

“I… I love it! Roman’s kingdom is so sweet it’s sickening. Yours… I mean, it has actual cryptids! That’s incredibly fascinating!”

Speaking of cryptids, something suddenly flew up to the balcony. “Hey, Remus!”

“Mothman! How’s it going?” 

“Pretty cool,” Mothman shrugged. “Was wondering if you want to come roam the Dark Forest with me for a bit? I heard some travellers found a bridge in there that, based on the description, sounds like the Goatman bridge.”

“Tempting, but I’ll have to save it for another day. Showing around the newest member of the Dark Sides. This is Logan. Logan, meet Mothman.”

“Nice to meet you!” Mothman took Logan’s hand, shaking it as Logan tried to calm down from his current excitement.

“You too… I, um.. Big fan. Hey, um… could I possibly come with you guys when you go to the Goatman bridge? One of my favourite Buzzfeed Unsolved is the one there…”

“Sure!” Remus grinned, wrapping an arm around Logan’s waist. “But I think we should probably head to bed. I mean, after the stress of tonight, you probably need some shut eye. See ya tomorrow, Mothy.”

“See ya, Remus! Don’t forget, poker with Cthulhu, Kraken, and Bigfoot on Friday!” Mothman flew away as Remus led Logan inside the tower.

Remus stripped off his clothes until he was only wearing his boxers, before climbing into his bed. “I usually sleep in the buff, but I’ll be kind and save you from that visual.”

Logan gave a thankful smile. “So, um, where’s the guest bedroom?”

“Oh, uh, there isn’t one…” Remus chuckled. “Kinda cliché, huh? ‘There’s only one bed’. I, um… you okay with that?”

After a moment, Logan nodded. “Yeah, I think so. As long as you don’t hug me as tightly as Patton used to. It was incredibly uncomfortable.” He climbed in beside Remus.

“Oh? So I can hug you as long as I’m gentle?”

“... Don’t see why not.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Logan pulling him close. He sighed. “Wow… Your chub is cute and soft… I know you didn’t get it in the best way, but have you considered keeping it?”

“Hm… I guess it would make Roman mad to have someone who he associated with be ‘a fat pig’. Well, at least it made the Roman I encountered in the unconscious mad, so I kinda hope that reflects in real Roman. It’ll be funny to see him pissed about something he has no control over.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Remus grinned.

Logan let out a small yawn, curling up to Remus. “Thank you… so so much…”

“It’s nothing, Lo.”

“It’s not nothing. You saved me… And you’re...a much… better partner than… Patton was…” And with that Logan fell asleep.

However, after that sentence, Remus knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

Partner. Logan had called Remus his partner.

Oh.

Oh.

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