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nonbinary-vents · 10 months ago

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So, I have a confession to make

I privately messaged the creator of the post back in early December, detailing the hypocrisy and Jew hatred presented in it. That was the day before they deleted the post (exactly the day after, I messaged them on December 4th and they deleted the post on the 5th), and made the new one that they kept as their pinned for a while. I’d had it written in my notes for a while before then, but I was too nervous to actually send it until I went back into the blog and saw them propping up jvp

When I messaged them, I mentioned some comments from @thisgingerhasnosoul (I’m really sorry for not asking you first, I genuinely have no idea what was going through my head to not do that back then) on why exactly the post was so bad, because her analysis put exactly why it rubbed me the wrong way so much perfectly into words— later I found that the op of the post actually blocked her! So, so much for growing and listening to Jews, I guess

That post is such a fitting representation of November and the hypocrisy that these people had that entire time. Back then, a lot of the ‘punch Nazis’ leftists still considered themselves to be protectors of Jews, instead of what they’re doing now which seems to be… saying Zionists tried to colonise Germany? (A take I’ve seen multiple times now, what has the world become holy shit). But then, once the actual, non fictional Nazis were attracted to their movement and rhetoric, was there any introspection or self reflection as to why they felt so comfortable there? No! It was just not being immune to propaganda, they had nothing to do with the Jew hatred except for not being able to spot the dogwhistles. Nothing else, just a ‘whoops! Accidentally made friends with Nazis for a few hours!’

I’m so tired, dude

I tracked down that post because I've been seeing it cited a lot and it's truly a magnificent case study of zero self-awareness. Reposting it here for posterity so to speak. Emphasis mine.

I have been noodling over posting this for several days but I think it's important for some people to hear.

At a March on Saturday, at a pro Palestine march, my group and I were targeted by by nazis. Not targeted for violence, but targeted for recruitment. They weren't wearing swastikas, they weren't spewing blatant antisemitic hate speech. They seemed like two normal dudes. They marched with us, talked about how awful everything in Palestine was, how we wished world leaders would grow a pair and hold Israel responsible for fucking war crimes, how existing in the world right now was hard. They were empathetic, they were kind, they seemed like genuine good dudes.

Until we passed a synagogue where people were handing our water to marchers. They had signs defending Palestine on their table. But the tone of the conversation changed. These two seemingly normal dudes started talking about how "performative" the gesture felt, that Jewish people should be doing more. That they needed to PROVE it. They started talking about "Zionist" propaganda in the US, about how it was deeply entrenched in capitalism. Things that, on the surface, seemed reasonable but it set off alarm bells in my head.

When I was a kid, I remember getting the speech of "don't repeat anything your uncle or cousin so and so says and don't argue with them. Try to avoid them but if you can't be polite." Because those uncles and cousins said a lot of hateful things about anyone who wasn't like them, but their favorite targets were black people and Jewish people. I would find out as an adult it was because many of those uncles and cousins were in the Klan. When I studied hate symbols for a class in college, I found my self looking at images I'd seen on arms and necks and hands my whole life, because I live in an area of the US where the KKK is still around. And standing in that crowd, listening to these guys talk, i had the most horrible realization I've had in a long time.

We were being fished by Nazis. We were a group of able body, white American leftists. At a march in support of stopping the murder and genocide of Palestinians, these motherfuckers were out here, trying to find people they could get to hate Jewish folks. I wasn't the only one in my group who clocked it, and when we called them on it, the masks came off. They called us a bunch of "Jew loving bitches" before they moved on.

But we're marched with these guys for a couple hours, talked with them, laughed with them, brought them into our circle. For a moment we forgot we also weren't immune to propaganda, we weren't immune to people who make hate sound reasonable and that people like that never start out saying the quiet part out loud, they lean on your anger and your sense of helplessness to move you where they want you. If the last eight years has taught us anything, it's that fascists know how to adjust to the times, to work with what they got, to recruit. They know how to radicalize people, how to weaponize anger and helplessness. And I'm sitting here, every day, seeing posts that sound exactly like these guys did and it worries me.

I know I'm talking to the No Reading Comprehension Website, but I'm begging you guys to develop some now.

You are not immune to propaganda. We are all angry, as we fucking should be. We are watching an entire culture, thousands of lives, whole bloodlines, being wiped out in real time, and for many of us our nations are at best, wringing their hands, and at worst, shipping them weapons, all to protect capitalist greed. It's monstrous, it's disgusting. But look, REALLY LOOK, at the things you are tweeting, sharing, look at the language and how it's used. Take the time to educate yourself about how hate groups use social justice causes and civil unrest to recruit, research the posts your spreading, check your sources. If you are out protesting, be situationally aware, and do not be afraid to clock and call out Nazis. Listen to Jewish people, listen to their concerns, educate yourself on what Zionism and antisemitism actually are and how they can be weaponized. It doesn't feel as good as rage, it doesn't feel as good as having a group you can functionally rail against in a way we can't against a nation a world away, but it's a skill that's going to help you and a lot of other people in the long run.

#seeing this is a blast from the past lol #I don’t think the oop is actively Jew hating #but they’re way too comfortable with their biases #and their ‘why I deleted the post’ post very clearly showed they hadn’t tried to unpack any of that #Jewish stuff #reblog

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ultimateluckystudent-writes · 4 years ago

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On Island Time

Summary: Nagito’s been restless recently. It’s not his fault, but he’ll act like it is. It’s alright though, he’s not alone, even during his alone time.

Word Count: 5K

Warnings: Under-Negotiated Voyeurism, Self-Depricative Thoughts, Dom/Sub Undertones, Guilt, Female Reader, She/Her Pronouns

General Themes/Tags: Masturbation, Voyeurism, Handjob, Praise Kink, Slight Degradation Kink, Slight + Gentle Femdom, Submissive Komaeda, Hung Komaeda, Island Mode AU

Ao3 link

A/N: Starting the blog off with a bang, huh? Whoops I made these tags make it seem like it’s more angsty than it is- it’s not sad I promise promise it’s just that Nagito’s… himself and I’m a freak so… here we are… (Also it’s told from Nagito’s perspective, don’t ask me what I was thinking, you’re too far deep now)

Nagito had just wanted to go to sleep. The day had been tiring, collecting things from the forest until his back ached. He hadn’t had a break in what felt like ages. Every time he felt just tired enough to request a day off… well, she dropped by his room with a good, hot meal and a bright smile that made him feel revitalized enough to wait it out. Sure enough, after a good night’s sleep and breakfast the next morning, he was always ready to go. But he found himself a bit tired of the routine, especially when she didn’t stay afterwards to eat with him, or spend time with him after searching.

He rolled his eyes at himself as he slipped out of his clothes, remaining just in his boxers and white shirt. Who am I kidding? I’m lucky that she’s even kind enough to drop by. No, actually, even that’s too much of a stretch. She just wants to keep the group motivated and searching for materials. Honestly, isn’t that better than her having such terrible taste in companionship? Trying to keep the production and hope of the group up?

He yawned and trudged his way over to turn the lights off before slipping right into bed. He let out a quiet sigh of pleasure at the feeling of the clean, soft sheets against his bare skin, and his head sinking into a soft pillow. The breeze from his open windows blew through the curtains around his bed. He could hear the faint watery noises coming from the pool’s waterfall. As his eyes lowered shut, his mind betrayed him once more, replaying a memory he hadn’t consciously summoned. All at once, he could feel her warm, soft hand brushing against his as they shared the shade under a tree in the park. Oh dear…

The truth was, Nagito wasn’t just tired from the routine, or even the collecting. It was from the time he spent up after a reasonable hour with thoughts of her. He always felt so guilty during, and especially after, but he couldn’t deny himself the bubbly, almost nervous feeling that came with them. It was exhilarating, like taking a plunge down a rollercoaster. And with the way that she treated him, he almost felt like she would be okay with him thinking about her. He shook his head. It’s best not to think anything too foolish.

He tried closing his eyes. She laughed, bright and loud, at a joke he had made. He curled his fingers into the pillow. She waved to him over her shoulder excitedly, a stunning centerpiece in front of the sparkling sea. He pulled the covers up over his shoulders. She leaned against his shoulder, dozing off on the beanbags in the library while they read. He hadn’t even been able to focus enough on his book to get to the next page after that, until she woke up barely in time to make it back for dinner. She didn’t even look embarrassed or ashamed that it was him she’d been snuggling up to. She’d just yawned and stretched and giggled sleepily about how he must have been hot, because he was so red. The flush was from the tingling sensation he felt throughout his whole body while she was pressed up against him, and lasted long after she pulled away.

She made him feel like they were true friends. She made him feel wanted. She made him feel like that mattered. Not for long, of course. I’m gullible, not stupid. Still, every bit of him loved the raw talent that he knew she must have had to be able to do such a feat. He buried his face into the bedding, trying to get ahold of the feeling in his chest, because he knew how the story went. These weren’t the thoughts that had kept him up so late at night. What kept him up was what he started thinking about when the feeling got to be too much and seeped down to his belly, and then even further.

Like every night, he was too late.

She stood before him, her bathing suit tight around her form as she stood in front of him. His dick twitched in his underwear. She crossed her legs while focusing one what she was writing down on her clipboard, exposing more of her thighs as her skirt slid up. He flipped onto his back. She tied her shirt up at her waist on a particularly hot day, leaving a tantalizing strip of skin exposed, but only when she raised her arms. Nagito felt guilty, of course, but couldn’t help the desire to watch her even closer that day, enchanted. His hand moved down past his stomach. She bent over to help look for Tanaka’s lost earring, her back arched, and before he could rip his gaze away, caught just a glimpse of her striped panties. The sight made him immediately head back to his cabin, attempting to fight off an erection the whole way there. He finally slipped his hands past his waistband and sighed. He was half-hard already.

I’m hardly even pitiful. Just the thought of her works me into a state like this… that’s not the surprising part, she’s breathtaking, but I manage to disappoint even myself. I’m truly nothing more than a hormonal teenager. How could I ever be enough? How could I even dare to-

He had learned quickly that either set of thoughts wouldn’t go away if he didn’t do anything. At least when he took care of himself quickly he didn’t have to prolong the shame. He sat up and tugged his boxers down. He swallowed hard as the fabric brushed against the sensitive skin of his cock. He pushed the blankets down and pumped some of the lotion on his nightstand into his hand. He didn’t feel like he deserved the pleasure that came alongside it, but it certainly sped up the process, and he’d gotten worried about chafing after the first couple of nights. He wrapped his hand around his shaft and began to stroke, pulling the skin around the pink tip down. He worked slowly at first, simply trying to get fully hard.

It was always easier at the beginning to not picture her. He focused on his body and the feeling and without fail assured himself he could finish without thinking about her. Without fail, he was always calling her name when he made a sticky mess. He told himself this time would be different. He brushed the pad of his thumb against his head and gasped. He reminded himself that he already knew he was a disappointment.

He bit his lip as his strokes sped up. He tried to stay in the moment. To smell the lotion. To lose himself in the undeniable pleasure. To picture his lips brushing against hers- no, no, no! Fuck. How pathetic that y- oh, fuck! He whimpered as the idea of his hands on her made it through his mental barriers, causing his hips to thrust involuntarily upwards. He pictured her taking off her shirt, revealing her gorgeous tits to him. Her straddling him, letting him touch her wherever he pleased. Her trusting him enough to give her the orgasm that she deserved- or, the closest thing Nagito could give to her. Surely you don’t think you could make her feel good? With your disgusting, filthy hands?

The idea felt like cold water running down his spine, and made the fantasies seem much less arousing. He switched his train of thought. He wanted her to kiss his neck, maybe even spare him marks that would last long past when they were finished. He wanted her to pinch and pull at his nipples, giggling at how sensitive he was, but not stopping until he was a whimpering mess. He wanted her to run against his sides and back and make him shake.

He was getting close already, never having much stamina. His heavy breathing turned into whimpers. He wanted her hand instead of his, squeezing the base of his cock just tight enough to make him beg to cum. He wanted her above him, her lips wrapped around him while she fingered his tight hole. His mouth fell open with needy noises, and he knew soon he’d be over the edge. He moaned out her name, the only word his mind was capable of forming. Just the feeling of it on his lips made his toes curl.

What he truly wanted most was for her eyes to be adoring when she looked at him, no matter what she was saying or doing. For her to praise him when he was coming down off of his high. For her to hold him afterwards, and not leave. He cried out, gripping at the sheets with his other hand. He wanted to wake up to her grinding on him, as a show of power, yes, but mostly as a reminder that they were joined, connected- that he was wanted-

“Fuck!”

He didn’t say that.

Nagito’s stomach leapt out of him and he frantically tucked himself back into his underwear, feeling all for the world like he’d been caught. His head whipped back and forth, but he didn’t see anyone in the still, dark night. The clock read almost one am. He couldn’t imagine that anyone was up. So what did I just hear?

He maneuvered his still-hard cock so it was tucked into his waistband and covered by his shirt. He tried not to think about it too hard or be too obviously pink as he walked over to the window where he’d heard the sound. He leaned out to his left and looked all over, but didn’t see anyone. Right as he was about to turn, however, there was a thump and a hiss of pain. He honestly wouldn’t have seen the person in time if they hadn’t fallen, but on the ground holding her slightly skinned shin was the object of his fantasies herself.

Well, I’m fucked.

“Ah, so it was you!” Despite his thoughts, as always, the excitement he felt at seeing her still made him smile. “Are you okay?”

“Haha… yeah… I was just walking by and a gust of wind came and the window flew open and hit me in the head.” She laughed weakly, laced with pain. “Then as I was leaving, I tripped over my shoelaces and skinned my shin and hand.” He assessed the scene. It certainly was more windy than when he’d… started. He supposed he hadn’t noticed the windows, lost in his thoughts. When she moved her hands, he saw her slightly cut up leg and dirty skirt. She was still wearing the same clothes as earlier, piquing Nagito’s interest. As she began to stand, he shook his head and remembered himself.

“Would you like to come in? I’ve got plenty of bandages and knowledge of how to treat small wounds.” What are you doing?! You’re still hard! If she sees you she’s going to think you’re absolutely filthy and a pervert- and she’ll be right! “That is, of course, only if you’re comfortable-”

“Yes, please.” She interrupted, immediately getting back to her feet. She must be scraped up worse than I saw, for her to spend time with me so late at night willingly. She walked off and when he was sure she couldn’t see him, darted over to turn on a lamp and look at himself in the mirror. His still semi-hard cock wasn’t too obvious with it arranged the way he had it, but it was certainly hard to keep it that way. He looked around frantically, almost sighing in relief when he saw his way out. He grabbed his jacket, which draped down much past his hips when he was holding it, and met her at the door. She smiled at him gratefully, though it was a bit strained.

“Is it alright if I sit on the bed?” She asked. He shifted his gaze to it. You know how much you’ll be tempting luck if you let this happen. She’ll be sitting right by the spot where I-

“Of course! Please, make yourself comfortable. I extend my full hospitality to you.” He smiled in a way he hoped was kind instead of terrified and a little bit horny and backed up with the door to let her in and stay out of her sight. He shut the door behind them a little bit harder than he meant to, making him jump. “My apologies! How clumsy of me!”

“It’s alright, I understand. You’re not the only one who’s been clumsy tonight.” She looked around the room. “Thank you so much for letting me in. It’s really nice and clean.”

“Ah, I’m sure you’ve got a much nicer place. It feels quite empty, still.”

“That’s just because you haven’t started making it your own. I can help you pick out some things at the market sometime soon if you’d like.” She offered, so easily, so casually, like the commitment of spending an afternoon with him meant nothing to her. He squeezed his legs together ever-so-slightly.

“Your bandages!” He shook his head and hurried over to the bed, pulling out a couple of packages of different types of adhesive bandages and hand wipes from his jacket. He made sure to lay the jacket over his lap and pulled out a wipe. “Was it both hands?”

“This one got it worse, the other one is pretty much fine.” She showed him the palm of her left hand. The bottom of it, by the wrist, had been scratched up by the gravel. “Oh, I can do it myself-”

“Nonsense!” He blurted, smacking himself internally for how desperate he sounded. “It’s much harder to do with one hand.” He held the underside of her hand with his, trying not to think about how much smaller hers were. He thoroughly cleaned the area and wiped off the bit of dirt left. Even in the wind she was just in, his hands must have felt icy compared to his.

“That one doesn’t need a bandaid, I guess. It looks like it��s stopped bleeding, and I don’t really want one on my palm. If it bothers me later, I can just pick some up from the market. This one though,” she stuck her leg out to look at her shin. It was a much larger and deeper scrape. Nagito winced. Did I cause this just from thinking about her? The window flying open right while she was there was indeed unfortunate. “Is probably gonna need some help.” She giggled. He’d always admired her cheerful attitude in spite of any problems. She’s a bit like… no. Don’t even compare you two. She’s a beautiful paragon of the Ultimates’ hope… you’ve barely even got a ‘talent’.

She turned to place her shin between his thighs, spreading both of their legs in the process. Nagito almost choked. He was frozen for a moment before snapping out of his stupor and nodding dumbly. He grabbed a clean wipe for the next wound, making sure to be gentle. He tried to convince himself it was just because he didn’t want to hurt her, and not because he liked the position. He finally placed the large bandage patch on.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking,” He started, breaking the silence before she inevitably announced she had to go. “What were you doing outside at two am?” She paused in the middle of checking out her leg, the smile on her face dropping just a bit. He could feel her muscles tense. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, no, no, it’s okay.” Despite what she said, Nagito didn’t miss her voice rising an octave, or how she was suddenly very interested in the hem of her skirt. “I was, uh… well, I… fuck.” She twisted the fabric in her hands. “This is, er, harder to say than I even imagined.”

“Don’t make yourself uncomfortable on my behalf!” He said quickly. “If you don’t want to-”

“Iheardyoutheothernight!” She exclaimed, all at once.

There was a beat where he had no idea what she was saying, much less talking about. Then all of a sudden, he did.

“I… I heard you… s- say my name.”

“I’m so, so, so, deeply sorry-” He bowed deeply, clenching his teeth. She doesn’t want to hear you say her name again! You worthless, disgusting- His thoughts continued to berate him as he focused hard not to bang his head against the wall until he bled out in agony right then and there. “I know I’ve done something absol-”

“Komaeda-kun,” she rested her non-bandaged hand on his shoulder. He jumped a bit at the touch. “I… I- I’ve-been-watching-you-every-night-since-then!”

Another beat.

“What?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m so sorry! Fuck!” Her voice was shaking. “I’m so, so sorry… I just… I couldn’t sleep the other night, so I went to go sit by the pool because I like to put my feet in the water, and, and I passed by your window and…” Her eyes managed to creep their way back onto him. “You… you sounded so pretty.” She bit her thumb hard. His mouth simply sat agape. “I felt so, so, bad, but then you… you said my name. And- well, I thought I’d been caught for a moment, but you weren’t even… looking at me.” Her voice was breathly, lowering with each sentence. “Your eyes were closed. S- so… so I’ve been watching you for the past couple of nights… oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with me?” She wailed and sank off the bed and to the floor in shame, her face in her hands.

“…why did you watch me?”

She looked back up at him, her eyes were now bloodshot. He realized that she had been crying over her guilt. Crying over what she had done to him.

“…you are the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.” She whispered. “Hearing my name… seeing you do that, when I had- when I’d thought of you the same way already,” Nagito’s mouth fell open. “It was like heaven. I thought I was gonna wake up from a dream.” She broke eye contact and began to stand up, because he wasn’t reacting anymore. “I’m sorry, I should go-”

“No!” He shouted, his hand flying out to grab her shoulder. They both looked at each other, terrified and awestruck at once. “You were… here tonight? Doing that? W- watching me?” She studies his face carefully, looking for what he wanted the answer to be, before she hung her head and nodded. The hand still in Nagito’s lap dug his fingers into his leg. “Well… I don’t understand why you would actually want to watch me…” He slid the jacket off of his lap slowly. His hands were visibly trembling. Her eyes were fixated on the motion the whole time, even after he left himself exposed. He leaned back and spread his legs just a bit so she could see the full outline of his erection. “But… you absolutely can, if you’d really like.”

She gasped like she was the one who was on display. He couldn’t believe how hot he felt just thinking about her watching him all that time, all on her own. He couldn’t believe that she was really doing this. He was mostly convinced it was just some sort of joke still. Or that she had heard him and was just taking pity on him. But I’ve always been selfish, so… I might as well enjoy this while I can.

Still, it was hard for even him to deny how hungry her expression was. His cock twitched visibly, making her groan again, which didn’t help him. She rose back onto the bed, her hand smoothly sliding between his thighs. His mouth fell open with an almost imperceptible gasp.

“I mean…” Her voice trembled, even as her motions were so sure. “I’m already here… and I barged in here so late at night, Komaeda-kun…” She murmured right by his ear. He could feel his inhibitions disappearing. Those soft fingers he’d fantasized about all those times were now tracing circles on his skin underneath the fabric of one of the legs of his boxers. “I should… repay you.” Her voice became much more confident with that idea. “Why don’t you let me help? After all, you’ve already given me quite a show…”

“Ah- uh- oh, the bad luck from this is going to take somebody’s life.” He groaned, biting his lip hard in a feeble attempt to not rut into the air. “We musn’t… I shouldn’t…” He whimpered, but as she wrapped a hand around his cock through his boxers and rubbed him up and down, his eyes rolled back and all that fell from his mouth were needy, pathetic noises.

“I wouldn’t, if you didn’t want it so bad.” The accusation and sudden change in attitude made his hand come to his mouth to stifle a moan. “Lift your hips… I wanna feel that gorgeous cock of yours.” He didn’t even register why she was asking this of him before he was doing it. She slid his boxers off- finally- revealing his hard-on. Despite his earlier hesitation, he didn’t mind her seeing all of him. Whatever she wanted to do- degrade him, laugh at him, hit him, or even, and he could barely even hope for this, touch him- he wouldn’t mind at all. He understood that his body was pathetic better than anyone, so nothing she could do would hurt more than he would simply love the attention. That he would love the fact that he’d caused a lapse in judgement big enough to ask him to do this.

“Fuck,” He could feel her voice while pressed so close up against her. “It wasn’t a trick of the light… you… really are big.” Her tone was tinged with a disbelieving laugh.

“Ah, another way the universe enjoys toying with me.” His words were firm but his voice was so breathy. “An… acceptable endowment attached to a lowly thing like myself, with nobody who would want such a thing from me-” He choked as her thumb swiped across his wet, pink tip. He’d been hard for so long without relief that the precum that hadn’t already formed a wet patch on his clothes was gathered at the tip.

“I’m right here, you idiot.” She said fondly. She pulled him into her side to hold him closer. That shocked him more than anything else tonight. He was tense for a moment, confused as to what she was doing, until her hand continued moving over his still lotion-slick cock. He realized that she simply meant to keep him here, so close and vulnerable with her, and it was almost euphoric.

He attempted to keep still so as not to make a move that would- God forbid- make her remember who he was and how filthy a creature she was holding, but the warmth and unfamiliarity of her hand was too much for him. It seemed as though she was admiring his dick, veiny and deeply red as it was. He practically purred as she continued, wrapping his arms around her and holding her through the overwhelming feelings. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, which let her hear every one of his noises.

“Oh, that’s perfect, baby,” She said gently. The praise felt like liquid heat running through his body. “You know exactly how I want you, don’t you? You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” Nagito couldn’t keep quiet when she said that, and a cry that broke off at the end as his hips snapped up unconsciously fell from his mouth. He squeezed her tighter, fingers desperately curling into her clothes. He realized how close he was in such a short amount of time, and what a deplorable thing making her do all the work had been. He let go of her, and attempted to push her away.

“Please, please, you- you must let me please you, too-” He meant for it to be a seductive sort of demand, but it came off instead as a desperate plea. “I- I’m gonna finish-” To his surprise, and slight arousal, she laughed. She grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him back into her with a surprising amount of force.

“I think it’s cute that you think that’s how this works.” She cooed, right by his neck, the sensation sounding a shiver all the way down his spine. How could he do anything but completely melt at that? He groaned loudly in her ear and his full body weight fell onto her at once. His mind was barely keeping itself together as she stroked him so surely from bottom to tip, the slick sounds unheard over his pants and cries. His legs were almost completely draped over hers by this point, shaking and tensing. His boxers had fallen all the way to the floor, leaving him only in his loose shirt on her lap, even as she was still fully clothed. “Oh? Do you enjoy being talked to like that? Like you’re stupid?” She asked, though it was clear she knew the answer.

“Y- yes! Oh, yes, please, I- I’m p- pathetic, worthless, nothing- Ah- oh, yes!” Even he found it disgusting how quickly he had been reduced to this, but it was hard to focus on his usual self-loathing thoughts when she was speeding her hand up and he could smell her shampoo.

“Fuck yes, pathetic, and so, so adorable.” From the way she sounded, it was almost like she was getting off on just watching him and touching him. Maybe she’s a pervert, who likes reducing creeps to where they belong. Even thinking that, however, he couldn’t understand why she had called him ‘adorable’. He couldn’t understand why it was having such a big effect on him. “You’re normally much more talkative than this. I figured you wouldn’t shut up if I put my hands on you. What happened, cat got your tongue?” He could hear the smirk in her voice without looking at her. She was so smug in her power over him- the power she’d obtained so quickly, so easily. It made him feel secure in letting her have it.

“I- I wouldn’t want to ruin this with my words.” He mumbled, hoping she wouldn’t say anything that would require him to think again. He enjoyed feeling like his brain was mush- at least not in the scary sense for once. She didn’t acknowledge it with any noise, but her hand slowed down just enough for him to notice. The familiar, chilly bite of rejection spread through him at once. “Like that, you see? I truly am worthless-”

“Enough.” She snapped, pace quickening to a speed even faster than before. He succumbed to the pleasure almost at once. “You couldn’t ruin how much I’ve wanted you since we met very easily, Nagito-kun. I should have just told you how pretty you sounded instead of teasing you. Ah well, we’ll just get you used to it. Pretty boy.” She kissed his pale shoulder. The affection made his breath hitch, and he was close again so quickly it almost hurt.

“N- nooo-” He meant it to come out as a serious rebuttal, but by the time it escaped his mouth and reached her ears, it was a petulant whine. It only made her laugh at him more. He couldn’t take the addictive mix of humiliation, pride, and pleasure much longer. His thighs trembled. His chest heaved from his panting. His stream of drool was beginning to run down her shoulder, but he hadn’t even noticed. He knew the sensation of his orgasm building well, but never this intensely, never this good.

“Th- thank you!” He cried, his head thrown back. He rocked his hips back and forth on her, more like he was grinding down then thrusting up. “Thank you, thank you, thank you- oh!” His hands tangled into her hair as he came, forehead pressed up against hers and moaning with abandon right against her face. The feeling was intense, wracking through his delicate frame as he shook against her. She continued holding him tightly, half-afraid he’d toss himself off the bed with all the writhing he was doing.

Thick ropes of cum covered their thighs and her hand as she continued stroking him through it, watching him in fascination that he missed. It was over too soon for his liking, and her hand felt more uncomfortable than he wanted it to. He grunted in displeasure and she removed her hand, letting him release his final, shaky breath that kept him tense. She held up her hand in the light. She was shaking and panting like she was the one who had just come. She slowly brought her hand to her lips, flicking her tongue out to taste it.

“D- don’t.” He protested, weakly beginning to stir again. “I’m filthy-”

“Shh…” She played with the ends of his hair with her clean hand. He couldn’t argue. “Do you have a towel or anything around here-”

“I’ll get it.” He shook his head and got up, grabbing the tissues from his nightstand. He surveyed the mess he’d made. “Ah… I’m so sorry, I should have warned you before-”

“You don’t have to apologize for finishing, Nagito-kun. It’s alright if I call you that, right? I mean… we kind of just…” She didn’t know what to finish that with as he wiped up her thighs and then his.

“Of course you can. You can call me anything you’d like.”

There was something empty in his voice, though. There was something empty in the room. Now that they weren’t directly occupied, the full weight of what they’d done was sinking in.

“I gotta go take a shower now. You probably should, too.” She chuckled half-heartedly. She slid off the bed and made her way to the door. They never ended up locking it. “Hey, Nagito-kun?”

She’s going to say ‘I don’t ever wanna see you again. You disgust me. Never talk about this night again. How could you do this to me-’

“Yes?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” With that, she slid out of the cabin and into the night, leaving him staring at a doorway, the curtains blowing in and out.

*****

A/N: This was originally planned to have multiple chapters of being horny w femdom energy, and the motivation is still There in me somewhere. so if you’ve got any ideas/weird kinks feel free to toss em at me I would love them

ALSO!!!!! Because she gave me permission to tag her: @nagito-kissmaeda

I look up to her so much as a writer (I just realized she wrote like… H A L F of my bookmarked Nagito fics on ao3. like actually. I was gonna list out my faves before I went through them and realized oh. they were all of my favs. but she just recently posted this degradation fic that was,,, so good. also apparently the only one I HAVEN’T read by her is one about Nagito being mean to himself while masturbating to the reader?? so like, same hat. please can we be friends I’ll literally discuss your interpretations of Nagito at any moment)

#danganronpa #dr2 #nagito komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #on island time #i accidentally posted this to the wrong blog at first. whoops #bunnywrites

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allmyhomieshateadam · 4 years ago

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Catboy reki for your troubles

#sk8 the infinity #reki kyan #sk8 anime #renga #sk8 #I accidentally posted this to the wrong blog the first time. whoops

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laqueus · 6 years ago

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1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Clerith Moodboard: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” x

#Clerith #Cleris #I accidentally posted this to the wrong blog first time around whoops #I've never made a moodboard before #but this was really fun to do!#Moodboard

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kiwicaitlin · 7 years ago

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Hiiii I was tagged by @suchfestiveverywow to post my favourite selfies of 2017 yay

(I take like 0 selfies so these were basically the only ones I could find and then I took the last one just now so I had more)

Idk who wants to post selfies but I’ll tag the people from the vvo team because yeah

#I accidentally posted this on the wrong blog the first time whoOPS #idek if any of them are following my main tbh #me #about me #tagged

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frestoniia · 2 years ago

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What kind of advice would you give to first-time rp'ers on tumblr?

▹ Okay so full disclosure, there are probably people way more qualified to give this sort of advice than I am. I'm really kinda just makin this shit up as I go tbh. For general RP etiquette, I'd recommend reading this post here, since it explains the most important things a lot better than I could.

That being said, a lot of these are gonna boil down to mostly a personal preference, but I still think they're a good rule of thumb for most people to keep in mind, especially newbies.

Accessibility over Aesthetics. Now, 'accessibility' means different things to different people, so I'm not gonna pretend that there's a one-size-fits-all solution to this conundrum. However, when setting up your blog, it's important that everything is easy to find and easy to read. I'm not saying you shouldn't use fancy graphics or small fonts-- trust me, I totally get wanting everything to look aesthetically pleasing. But it's an rp blog, not a scavenger hunt. I find that having a mobile-friendly alternative to your important pages is a good compromise in this regard.

Try to make your rules clear and concise. By all means, elaborate on your rules as much as you need to. However, in my experience, people rarely read through the entirety of someone's rules page the first time, especially if it's super lengthy. I'm not saying long rules pages are bad, but I do think that being brief, yet comprehensive is a good way to ensure no important points are glossed over.

Try to have your pages set up before you start following people. This is really more of a personal preference, I think. Before I decide to follow a blog, I always make sure to read their pages (whether they're an oc or a canon character). But if there are no pages for me to read, not only will I not follow, but I'm definitely not gonna remember to go back and check again later. I'm not saying everything has to be 100% finished, but having the general information available from the get-go would be ideal.

Don't be pushy. I understand it can be disheartening when people won't follow you back, or don't show as much enthusiasm as you do. Trust me, I get it. And I know it's a lot easier to say 'just don't take it personally' than it is to actually not take it personally. But you won't be doing yourself any favors by pestering people or getting on their case about it. Don't unfollow and then re-follow to try and get their attention (admittedly I've done this in the past, but those were all accidents. My memory is just Bad and I sometimes forget whether or not I've already followed someone whoops), and accept that not everyone is going to want to write with you. Nor are you obligated to write with anyone you don't want to.

Don't be afraid to unfollow/block people. For any reason. Personally, I soft-block whenever I want to actually unfollow a mutual (blocking and then quickly un-blocking them so they're no longer following my blog), that way they know it was intentional. Goodness knows I've accidentally unfollowed people when I didn't mean to, thanks to tumblr's shitty layout. But yeah, you're allowed to block and/or unfollow people, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Yes, it sucks when it happens to you, and it can leave you wondering what you did wrong. But the sooner you remember that we're all losers writing on the internet for fun and none of this shit actually matters, the happier you will be.

#|| these are just the things i could think of at the top of my head agsdh but i hope this is at least somewhat helpful!#|| i dont think any of these are exactly 'hot takes' or anything but yeee #𝐎𝐎𝐂 ◞ ✧ pay no attention to the goblin behind the curtain

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big-ol-gay-disaster · 7 years ago

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Late night All Might!

#I accidentally posted to the wrong blog again #whoops #anyway this is the first time I've drawn him!#toshinori yagi #yagi toshinori #all might #plus ultra #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #fanart #my art

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derivativealigner · 4 years ago

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Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he��s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

#south park #sp rewatch #i made way too many notes #kenny used to get dialog in almost every episode #poor kenny #he really gets shafted later

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3amcappuccino · 4 years ago

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Friendly reminder this is an mmd model/pmx model

“The world adores me!”

Asmodeus, avatar of pain and suffering. just kidding >:0. The amount of struggles I went with Asmo??? Way too much. I was gonna release her two days ago, for my birthday lmao, but noooooo I had to add 69 morphs because haha 69. I was also very busy with life and stuff but now I have even less time to work on the next one,,, Basically I lost my mind with Asmo and she might be a bit glitchy. It was my first time actually making coat physics so I hope it’s not too bad (I mean it doesn’t look half bad...). The pass is different this time around and you need to go through ladies night’s tumblr to find Asmo’s cup size. hah. don’t ask. The amount of times I uploaded the file on mediafire because I would always see something that bothered me was so much that I decided to take the time to also make the hands similar to TDA, YYB etc. please send help.

I wish I was a confident queen like Asmo...

I don’t want to write this anymore but I’ll feel bad if I write something bad for Asmo since I love them a lot. Fun Fact: I write these normally when I don’t even have a preview of the model so I just put on a random image that I have saved and sometimes I’ll think that I would accidentally post the post with the wrong image and disown myself.

Asmo best girl

Oi @midnight-moodlet here’s ya girl

Stupid circle eye morph thing is dumb I don't think I'm ever gonna do it again

I DON’T WANT TO POSE HANDS EVER AGAIN

Scarf clips like crazy but when I tried to fix it I accidentally exploded the model so I’ll fix that at a later date. There is also I believe a normal issue with the coat but I’ll also try to fix it at a later date because I don’t want to delay her further...

I’m so dumb cause I closed my tab while writing so it didn’t save so I needed to write everything again, more time lost...

The design belongs to @boxbusiness and there is an ask blog with the name @obeyme-ladiesnight if you're curious

Details and download under cut!

C R E D I T S F O R P R E V I E W

Asmodeus by 3AM Cappuccino (still me!)

Stage by 小怪物爱吃柚子

Effects by:

⇒ Ray-cast by Rui

⇒ KiraKira sparkle by chestnutscoop and BeammanP

⇒ FXAA by Rui

⇒ Light-Bloom by Rui (I’m not even sure if I used this the program closed itself...

⇒ Filmgrain by Rui

S I M P L E E X T R A S/C H A N G E S

Replaced facial morphs

Added basic facial morphs found in TDA models and YYB

⇒ Morph inspirations did come from TDA models so you can use the model in multiple expressive motions!

Asmo has 69 morphs, lmao I wanted to add enough and do a little gift for you guys with more morphs

Extra facial morphs (like tears, heart eyes, etc.)

C R E D I T S F O R M O D E L

Body, face, top and Accesories by Vroid and 3AMCappuccino

Jacket made by SumireHaikuXNA and PeachMilk3D (It's heavily edited as you can tell)

Shorts made by Tehrainbowllama

Spas by AceYoen and Vroid

R U L E S

Credit 3AMCappuccino when using

Don't claim it's yours.

Don't redistribute

Tag me when using (Optional but I'll still love to see what you did!)

P R O H I B I T E D X

Don't claim as your own

Don't sell or trade the model

Don't take the body and head swap

A C C E P T A B L E ✓

Editing is fine

(the model can clip and glitch sometimes so if you can fix it, contact me so I can update the link and I can credit you as well!)

Taking parts is good but ask first

⇒ When taking parts from the other credited, take the original, not my edited version, (I can give guidance though)

⇒ Another exception would be the earrings and scarf that was made by me, so instead ask me first before taking if you want be the earrings and/or scarf (p.s. don't take the earrings they are super heavy whoops, took them from another one of my models yet here I am without decimating)

V I D E O P R E V I E W

D O W N L O A D

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angryschnauzer · 3 years ago

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Hi there, I've been silently following you, for 5 years now I think. The times i commented i can count on 1 hand. I'd often delete my account again to come back a few weeks later using another name. The first thing I'd do was find you and add you again. Usually I'm too shy to join in to something, in a conversation or just comment on something, always afraid to say the wrong or stupid things (english isnt my native language) or accidentally insult someone. But today i stood up and i really felt like telling you how much i appreciate you and your blog. It makes me smile and makes me feel I'm allowed to be part of something. Thank you for that! There's 1 other thing i need to shout out and i have no idea where else to do it. You completely dragged me into this Henry Cavill madness a while back... and now i finally watched Sand Castle... Captain Syverson... there's no way back now, i fell down the Captain Sy hole... this man does things to me. Sorry for the long post and the chaotic ramblings, but you brought in Sy and now i cant stay silent. I just had to tell you!

Shout it from the rooftops you funky little cupcake!

But honestly, i love you lurkers. You make tumblr what it is. Just the little people peeping around the corner at the batshit crazy posts i put up, giggling, then going about your day. Sometimes you'll be like 'okay, definitely not opening that door again' and then a week later at 2am holding a block of cheese and wearing your banana print onesie you're back at the door to my blog, peeking at the all new batshit crazy posts i'm putting out.

But in all seriousness, welcome back. Please never feel that you'll say the wrong thing. I've had many friends and mutuals and followers whose first language is not english, i can pick up when someone writes something as your dialect will come out in your text. If you feel you want to yell or shout or whoop cries of joy on my posts, feel free to.

And yeah, Sy's a beast. And you want to know a secret?

I've never seen Sand Castle

syverson

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mercurial-madhouse · 4 years ago

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About someone named M

@zannithinks and @pocketsunshineharry thank you for the fun asks, my loves!!

💥 why did you choose your url? I’m a Gemini, ruled by Mercury, and let me tell you, this mind is nothing but a madhouse. So I’m very mercurial and living in a madhouse. And I liked the ring to it. It’s beautiful alliteration and this writer is so down for that.

💥 any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them. None! Just this one! Oh gods, can you imagine if I had more than one? I’d implode.

💥 how long have you been on tumblr? Less than a year! I’m pretty sure I signed up sometime last August.

💥 do you have a queue tag? There’s one I have but it became a tag accidentally. Something like “oh hey, look at me remembering I have a queue!”

💥 why did you start your blog in the first place? A fellow author friend, @louloubabys1992 and I struck up a friendship over one of her fics and she drew me in to the fanfic side of tumblr. To be honest, I’m a bit of a mercurial magpie too, so all the pretty images (moodboards or otherwise) was enough to make me starry-eyed.

💥 why did you choose your icon/pfp? Welp. First off, it’s Louis. Can’t go wrong with such beauty. But I smile every time I see this photo of him so I like to think whenever people see my tumblr, they smile from the picture too! And, to be honest, this is usually how I’m feeling or the reaction I’ve got. It’s just perfect.

💥 why did you choose your header? I mean, I made it. I guess the trio of Louis like a movie reel just spoke to me at the time. I was going for a minimalist style that matched the theme of the blog.

💥 what’s your post with the most notes? I’m pretty sure it’s still my fic post for Three Days in February!

💥 how many mutuals do you have? How do you even check that?

💥 how many followers do you have? One. My beautiful goober of a puppy follows me everywhere because we have an unhealthily co-dependent relationship.

💥 how many people do you follow? This is a tricky question. I’ve got this weird quirk where I don’t scroll tumblr. Ever. I love everyone’s creative posts and am so excited to reblog them all, but they have to be sent to me. So I forget to follow people even though I consider someone my mutual as soon as we’ve interacted in some way!

💥 have you ever made a shitpost? Don’t think so!

💥 how often do you use tumblr each day? For scrolling, never. I sometimes go a couple days not touching tumblr and then a day where I’m creating posts or reblogging things or answering asks and taking several hours. I am... mercurial. XD

💥 did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? Nope! Only joy and happy on this blog!

💥 how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? Never seen one before. I expect if it’s like those email chains my immediate reaction would be ‘nope’. XD

💥 do you like tag games? Love tag games!

💥 do you like ask games? Love ask games even more! They’re so much fun!

💥 which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? Honestly, everyone is tumblr famous to me. I’m a tumblr toddler! Anyone who has chosen to interact with me sends my heart soaring. There are a couple people who don’t want to interact with me and my first thought was that I’m not famous enough for them. Whoops.

💥 do you have a crush on a mutual? I’ve got writing crushes on all my author friends! The genius! The talent! The brilliance! Be still my heart!

💥 tags?

Ah! Everyone who sees this? @theisolatedlily @louloubabys1992 @reminiscingintherain @larryyouknow @lululawrence @allwaswell16 @birdstattoo ??? Please feel free to ignore of course!

@makethebestofwhatyouget @solvetheminourdreams @brightgolden and @haztobegood Zanni already tagged you but YOU BETTER SHARE WITH ME TOO. Pleeeeeease!

GRATUITOUS LOUIS!GIF TIME!!!

#ask meme #\o/#so much fun!

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breadthecat · 4 years ago

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All of MY kindergarten AUs

Here is a thorough list of all of my kindergarten aus. I tried to order them in a mix of most popular and most detailed. As gamer is sorta popular, however it’s not as fleshed out as some of my other aus. Many of the aus on the top have a lot more to them. Also, please don’t copy them, I put a lot of time into these (It’s chill if it’s a similar concept but don’t just rip entire specific details straight from my aus).

Watch, I probably still forgot some. There’s 17 in all.

—

Teen Punk - an au where Felix and Lily go through a punk phase in high school, at the surface level. The au spans much further then that, however, even post college years. Lily remembers the resets, which really fucks up her life and perspective of everything, the root of her hatred of Nugget and Protag. Ted and Felix actually get along because they grow out of that phase in late elementary school/early middle school. It’s the token Lily x Felix au, and it’s co-created by @randomguygoesviral . That being said, it’s a lot angstier then it first seems :)

Teen Punk Spin-off - an alternate universe where the high school functions similarly to the Kindergarten game. Meaning the protag has a route where he kills Lily and Felix. He kills Lily by tricking her into a room with toxic gas. After lily dies, Felix rushes in an refuses to leave her, eventually succumbing to the gas as well. Despite that brief description, it’s a really hard route to complete and doesn’t feel very rewarding when you do.

Void Lily - Lily remembers the resets, which wasn’t supposed to happen in her universe. This causes her world to collapse and traps her into a white abyss, the void. She slowly grows distant from her other lily counterparts, seeing herself as a separate entity. She uses a wide verity of names, eventually adopting the name Vivi. She discovers how to communicate and eventually hop worlds(aus). Due to her time in the void, she appears around 12 years old but is closer to 20. She was the first and original void based/“omnipresent” au in the fandom.

(Putting the rest under a read more)

Gamer - Billy, Monty, and Cindy are gamers and are dating. Billy is a fairly popular YouTube gamer known for being soft, a good singing voice, and having bright pink hair. Monty and Cindy eventually get roped in. Lily and Billy are on very bad terms. As implied, it takes place during high school years. Outside of crackships, the plot involves games leaking into reality and getting fun abilities from it. I’ve managed to only barely work on the plot

Affinity - if you have a near death experience but aren’t afraid, there is a chance you can develop a super power. This is what happens to Felix, Ted, Lily, and Billy (and maybe some others). Felix and Ted manage to keep these newfound powers hidden for years before their parents find out and disown them, trying to turn them in for study. They get taken in by Danner (Dadner). Unfortunately they don’t escape forever :)

Worst Heir - (TW SUICIDE) Felix grows up feeling like he’s truly a monster and never has done anything good in his life, and decides to “amend” that. Felix doesn’t pass on as expected, having to watch how devastated Ted is. Also some ghost shenanigans.

Soulless - Everyone is supposed to have a soul, a driving force that keeps them going. Without it, you lack empathy, motivation, and warmth, and can eventually result in death. Around the events of Kindergarten 2, the small flicker of a soul Felix had goes out. This is the cause of his cold nature, and leads to him slowly become ill and almost dying. Ted catches on that something is genuinely wrong but is only able to convince his parents when Felix is on the brink of death.

Chosen Ones - each of the kg characters are drawn to a different magic stone that gives them a special power. The pull of the stone is unbreakable, even to the extent that Carla and Monty inadvertently rob a museum for theirs.

Evil Clone - during Billy’s capture, the principle makes a clone of Billy in order to thwart the protagonist. There’s also made clones of the slime trio, however they are imperfect.

Pkm Blessing - a Pokémon au where legendary Pokémon have the ability to gift a trainer with the ability to understand Pokémon, but they can only choose one. Felix is chosen by Mew. Ted also sorta kinda joins the evil group, whoops

Linked - Agnes gives Ted and Felix a telepathic link to eachother to force them to get along. It works, but also brings a lot of pain.

The Remembrance - everyone suddenly remembers all the past routes and takes it very very poorly. Ted repeatedly pummels Felix to death, Cindy and Monty harassed and kill the Janitor, lily and Billy do not take kindly to the monstermon ending. The slime trio and the hall monitors hide away from the chaos

Split - Felix gets separated from his family at a train station and gets horribly lost. Jerome and his mom take him in. Felix developed pretty severe abandonment issues. kindergarten 2 doesn’t happen. Felix really likes the story of the ugly duckling

Fairytale - all the characters are mythical creatures or based in a fairytale setting. All of them know eachother in some way. Lily, due to her “unladylike” attitude, is cursed by a witch and put into a sleeping beauty esc sleep. Due to a magical link with her twin, Billy also risks falling into a permanent sleep too any time he rests. This au actually has an ask blog that never finished its story, but I posted the entire story line there.

Angel of Death - The monstermon ending backfires and gives lily demonic powers to use for evil.

Spoiled - Felix gives lily lots of gifts and spoils her. Rich kid stuff, but wholesome

Deity - lily and Billy are nature deities. Felix accidentally gets Lily’s attention, and if he’s not careful, she would straight up murder someone for him.

#kindergarten #kindergarten 2 #kindergarten lily #kindergarten Felix #kindergarten game #kindergarten au

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whatyouwantedmetosee · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on some Jack X Joey??

Boy howdy do I have a lot of thoughts!! (I actually love this ship, whoops.)

Disclaimer: a lot of my thoughts are from before the Illusion of Living, but now that I know the IOL stuff, I can’t not factor that in to my thoughts. So, various slight spoilers for the Illusion of Living under the cut!

Secondary Disclaimer: My information about the books is via other people, so I may have slight information wrong. This is a lot of headcanons anyway so please excuse any inaccuracies!

(It’s also honestly a lot of rambling character analysis rather than ship thoughts, so I guess if you want to hear my TED Talk on Jack Fain’s personality that’s in here too.)

SO! Obviously this one isn’t exactly like... an Obvious Pairing. But it’s one I think could, theoretically, be pretty nice.

First off: So like, I’m honestly just, gobsmacked, the amount of fuel for my sorta niche ship that showed up in the Illusion of Living? Joey Drew and Jack Fain have coffee and chat, that’s cUTE??? (Also apparently the audiobook puts weird emphasis on Joey enjoying their... meetings, which IDK, it’s probably intended as a like “haha yeah it’s a work meeting even tho we’re actually just having coffee for most of it” but tOO BAD I MADE IT QUEER NOW.

Anyway, on to actual thoughts, which I have split into mini chapters because I am physically incapable of being succinct:

Part One: The Accidental TED Talk About Jack Fain (Or At Least How I View Him)

A lot of my thoughts on this ship are affected by how I view Jack as a character, I think? I see him as someone who’s soft, and nice, yeah, and overall very chill, but I don’t really see him as a pushover, really? I feel like, Jack’s a character who can tell what people want, and then sorta... gently steer them in a direction, rather than just going with what they want.

So like, with Sammy - Sammy is real direct and blunt and rude, and somehow Jack manages to work with him well. This is actually sorta how I view that one IOL scene where Jack interrupts Joey and Sammy’s Gay Reminiscing:tm: - he sees Sammy getting off track and distracted, and decides to step in to keep things back on topic.

I feel like this probably is also how they’re able to work together so well, because Jack can tell when he needs to step in to keep Sammy on track, while also understanding how Sammy wants him to act and doing what Sammy wants him to do. (And as a side note, I honestly feel like Sammy probably knows this and appreciates it? Helps keep things running smoothly. Probably why he isn’t as much of an ass to Jack as he can be to other people.)

Basically, I see him as having a pretty good skill at like, working out people’s systems, working out how to please them, while also coming to compromises that help him also get his point across.

I also feel like, I’m not sure how much of Jack’s Big Attention Seeking Energy is him, so much as him filling a role to do what needs to be done? I don’t think he necessarily hates it, but like... Working with Sammy, someone has to be doing that role. He knows how to work with people, work an audience, get the attention the duo needs to be successful the way Sammy can’t. (Sammy outright doesn’t want attention, but alas, that doesn’t really pay the bills.)

But then, when you hear about Jack at JDS, he tends to get away from everything and be more chill - and I read that as more like, now that he doesn’t need to draw attention for his job, he’s able to settle down a little in that regard. Writing is a lot different from pleasing a crowd, so he doesn’t need to maintain that persona, and can slip into more comfortable habits, get some more peace as he works on writing.

(Also, wrt the one audiolog he has about not being too bothered about that one award being in Joey’s name - I feel like, if he doesn’t actually want the attention so much, I could see him... like, legitimately just not minding it that much, actually, rather than being passive aggressive about it or anything.)

Anyway!!! Those are my thoughts on Jack, so now we can move onto...

Section B: Jack/Joey? On This Blog??? It’s More Likely Than You Think

So then, with regards to like... shipping with Joey. Note that we’re now sliding into even more headcanon-y territory.

I feel like at the very beginning, Joey probably misreads Jack a lot. He’s still kinda expecting that showy, charismatic, crowd-pleasing persona, the like... what he reads as wanting attention. (Which, true, Jack was seeking that out - because the job required it, not because he, specifically, wanted it.)

So, what he gets is a bit more of a surprise - a bit more chill, calmer. But, he still has that ability to work with people, even though he’s not using it on a crowd.

From the sounds of things in IOL, it seems like, the meeting stuff between Joey and the Music Dept. Boys goes pretty smoothly... but like, I get the impression that later on in the studio’s timeline, things go slightly less well between Sammy and Joey. (Stares at the conspicuous lack of Jack Fain in DCTL. Hm.)

But yeah, I like to imagine, Jack in meetings with Joey and Sammy, helping like... smooth things over more when changes need to be made or the music isn’t working out quite how Joey wants it to. Jack knows enough about Sammy to know how to appeal to his side of things, while also compromising enough with Joey’s side of things, incorporating the changes Joey wants but suggesting ways it could work better, helping tone down Joey’s helpful suggestions that wouldn’t work as well as he thinks they would.

I’m a big fan of the concept of like... Joey originally has a big crush on Sammy, he’s so mysterious, what’s going on in his head, etc. - but then, a lot more slowly, he gets to know Jack better, spends more time with him, slowly works out how Jack actually works. Learns to appreciate that more subdued charisma he has, the way he can tell how people work and work with it.

And then, it’s just nice to imagine a nicer more chill Joey ship. Have some nice meetings, get coffee together, casually make out in Joey’s office. That’s some good content.

(It also works nicely because I feel like... IDK, I don’t think Jack would just put up with Joey’s Being Joey, I don’t think he’s that much of a pushover. So like, IDK, in this scenario Joey learns to be a bit less of a jerk, maybe things don’t go so bad. Or, I mean. Stares some more at the conspicuous lack of Jack Fain in DCTL. Hmmmmm.)

...

Also like, this is also good opportunity for a Joey/Sammy/Jack OT3, give Joey the best of both worlds. Jack cares a lot about Sammy, Joey is infatuated with Sammy and slowly grows to understand Jack, Jack helps Sammy and Joey clash slightly less and work together better, etc. It’s a different ship, but also good.

Act III: Okay But What If I Added Some Angst? Eh? Any Takers???

So, first up, consider: this very good post of Jack Fain thoughts by @inkyvendingmachine. Now hear me out:

Jack Fain, who (through whatever nonsense) ended up with his office nice and tucked away in the sewers where he has some peace and quiet. Due to Some Reason, be it poor memory on Joey’s part or unclear instruction when he demanded that the Ink Demon be locked up...

The Ink Demon gets locked away in the Infirmary... but, unbeknownst to Joey, Jack is still in there. Things don’t go well. Joey realises, and...

Well.

Add in some previous Jack/Joey shipping, and Joey suddenly realising what he’s caused, unintentionally or no. Lead that into either Joey losing it and turning to his weird ink nonsense, or Joey going further than he meant in attempt to somehow reverse what he did.

Throw in some additional: Jack is no longer there to help balance out Joey’s Joeyness. He’s also no longer there to help out with Sammy and Joey interactions - a Sammy who can tell something’s happened with Jack, but Joey sure isn’t going to just tell him what happened, and that certainly isn’t helping things here.

...

maybe i put something like that in my requirement au. just a little. its fine. i lov to cause myself pain

#batim #bendy and the ink machine #mochi writes #mochi replies #anon #bendy: the illusion of living spoilers #jack fain #joey drew #jack/joey #batim requirement au #through technicality #my condolences to anyone who reads this essay i wrote #a lot of this is probably headcanon territory whoops #im not sorry #also apologies for any typos or anything its 4:20- oh hey blaze it- its 4:20 and im too tired rn to proofread #mochi ships

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sibyl-of-space · 4 years ago

Text

Do you ever set out to write a blog post about why you like OoT3D so much and accidentally write a stupidly long think piece about your feelings on growing up? well i did. Behold,

A word of warning: this piece starts off on a heck of a tangent getting into my personal history with the game, as I don't think it's possible to talk about how I feel about it without that context. This isn't a review so much as an essay, and it's as far from impartial as one can get. I don't think I would be very good at writing an impartial review if I tried. So I didn't try.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is one of the first video games I recall finishing on my own as a child. I grew up with two older siblings and would often play multiplayer games with them, or start (and not actually finish) other single-player games; generally if anyone actually BEAT a game it was one of the older siblings, and I would be either spectator or 2nd player. Which I thoroughly enjoyed, but taking the agency of gaming into my own hands was an experience of its own, and for that reason Ocarina of Time was very special to me.

As a child with undiagnosed ADHD I relied on familiarity for comfort. I only played this game in the first place because I'd seen my sibling do it first, and after I did beat it once, I kept coming back to it because I recognized it. I played it over, and over, and over. I talked to the same NPC's each time until I had most of their dialogue memorized. I put off the same dungeons I didn't like by doing the same sidequests. I jumped off random cliffs and tried to get the camera to look through walls when I got bored of the game, because it was familiar and I liked it, but I was tired of playing it properly. My brain became its own personalized wiki around the pieces of this game I knew... not that "game wikis" existed at the time.

Playing it in this particular way, I had a very specific opinion of it.

It was my first Zelda, so to me, it defined what "Zelda" was. Zelda was a set of goalposts provided that I was free to follow or ignore as I saw fit. Zelda was being Blank Slate McProtag with a grand, magical destiny to claim, not a grounded character with a personal story to tell. Zelda was using the power of music and a Big F*cking Sword to smite evil and save the world. Zelda was growing from fairy boy to Hero of Time and riding around a big field on a horse. Zelda had a lot of NPC's telling me what to do, and Zelda let me just completely ignore all of them until I felt like following directions.

And I spent a lot of my time completely ignoring directions. I didn't actually like any of the dungeons. I just hated some more than others. I hated the water temple because it was confusing to me and it was very punishing if you make a misstep (whoops, shouldn't have raised the water level? time to re-change it 2 more times to fix that). I hated the shadow temple because it was scary (DISEMBODIED HANDS FALLING FROM THE CEILING THIS IS THE MOST TERRIFYING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF VIDEO GAMES). I could easily list dozens of things that I hated about every dungeon. So I never went straight to them when I was supposed to.

Dungeons--you know, the bulk of the gameplay in an action-adventure game--were these annoying things I had to trudge through to play the game, and it was the game that I liked. Which sounds counter-intuitive as an adult, but it was absolutely how I felt as a child.

But, begrudgingly, I did them anyway... sooner or later. I did the water temple because I felt sad for the Zoras frozen in ice and wanted to save them. I did the fire temple because I felt sad for the imprisoned Gorons and wanted to save them. I did the shadow temple because I missed the music in Kakariko Village and the rain felt depressing. The game told me what was wrong, and what I had to do to fix it, so I eventually did the dungeons I hated because there were fictional people counting on me.

(I also did a lot of NOT fixing things, and instead picking up random rocks on the overworld looking for grottos, and throwing bombs at random walls, and harassing cuccos from my invincible horse. Don't get me wrong, the people could wait, it's not like the game punishes you for taking your sweet time. But... well, at some point I would get bored of my procrastination, and do what I had to do to save the world or whatever.)

It's entirely possible that this game was my Favorite Zelda for a very long time simply because it was the first one I played. My inclination toward the familiar was an ENORMOUS bias in its favor, so other Zeldas that were different in... virtually any respect, were obviously worse and un-Zelda-like.

But there were definitely things I loved about it, things that made it my favorite, other than its familiarity. Maybe this game shaped my tastes to suit it; maybe I was drawn to it because of these preferences. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. Whatever the case, I played the game repeatedly for years despite hating its dungeons because there was so much else about it I was wholly obsessed with.

I loved the way it brought attention to its music. I was already taking music lessons from a young age so I was developing an ear for it, and being able to hear the link (lololol) between "Saria's Song" and the background music you hear in the Lost Woods... it gave that music a very special identity, a context and meaning. These melodies were simple for my young ear to reproduce on cello or piano if I wanted to, and I could even play them in the game on its own digital instrument. (Don't tell my cello teacher this, but I probably spent significantly longer learning how to tilt the control stick to play songs on the virtual ocarina than I spent practicing cello scales.)

A decade or so later, I gained the vocabulary to describe what I loved so much about the music in Ocarina of Time. The term is "diegetic music," music that is audible and perceivable as music within the context of a work. This game gave me a magical musical instrument and let me use the power of music to do magical things. I was a magical musician in this game! AND I had a sword!!! Literally the perfect video game.

It was more than just the music, of course. I loved the visuals as well. I would sit in the middle of Lon Lon Ranch in first-person view staring at Malon for hours so I could draw her and her stupid hairline on binder paper leftover from school. (I would sing along to her awful voice, too, but only when no one was around to overhear.) I liked the interesting patterns at the hem of her dress, the design on the panel hanging from her belt as an adult. After obtaining a spiritual stone or a temple medallion I would leave it on screen, with Link standing there holding it up long enough for his arms to get quite tired, so I could trace down its design. I took personal offense when people drew the Kokiri Emerald backwards. I felt like a genius when I realized the pattern on the back of the Deku Shield matched the golden part of the emerald. The game had an entire language of images that I was completely enamored with, and it was all so bright and colorful.

I guess I liked the story, too? It's hard to say definitively because I don't have any specific memories about that. I definitely enjoyed the writing, though. I liked the unique dialogue telling me about the relationship between the bald guy, the carpenter, the potion grandma, and the cucco lady ("her name is NOT Anju, she's DIFFERENT from the character in Majora's Mask, YOU WOULDN'T CALL MALON "CREMIA" - me). I liked talking to people and learning about the world. It gave me the chance to feel like I was really experiencing a whole, more fantastic world than the real one, where magic is real and a horse teleports to you if you play a song on your magic wind instrument. Among other things.

I was engaging with this game more as a multimedia artwork than as a game, but I was having a very good time, so what does it matter if maybe that wasn't supposed to be the point? I loved the music and the visuals and the worldbuilding, and I learned how to play it so I could experience these. That is what I meant, as a kid, when I would say that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time was my favorite Zelda game. I didn't give too much of a hoot about Ganondorf's characterization or the temple design of the Bottom of the Well, I just thought Hyrule seemed pretty dang neat and I wanted to live in it for a while.

Unfortunately, at some point or another, I started to do this very hard thing called Growing Up. I resisted this thing for as long as I could, and to an extent I am still resisting it, but over time it did start winning the battle. As it did so, my perspective on gaming and other media began to evolve.

I won't do a disservice to my younger self by pretending to remember all of my different opinions and the various justifications for them over the course of my life so far. Ocarina of Time fluctuated between my favorite, to my second-favorite just under Majora's Mask, to my favorite, to "I love it but it's not the best", to favorite again, etc. I think it spent most of its time just under Majora's Mask, because there reached a point where I'd played Ocarina of Time so much that no amount of love for its visuals and sound and world could make up for the fact that it was getting stale. Majora's Mask felt much more rewarding for me when I would replay it over and over again and people moved and said different things and time really passed. I wanted a world that felt alive, and there was no question to me that Majora's Mask felt more alive.

So I gradually fell away from Ocarina of Time. I had it basically memorized anyway, and the NPC's never moved like they do in Majora's Mask, so what was the point? When Ocarina of Time 3D came out I was briefly very excited for it, but I wanted it to feel new again so I did a 3-hearts no-lens-of-truth "challenge run" off and on over the course of a few years, and that was as much as I played it again for a long time. Sure, the visuals were nice by comparison, but I still knew the game by heart.

That was in 2015. The next time I picked up Ocarina of Time 3D was last year, in 2020, over 5 years later, and probably double that many since the last time I'd played it all the way through in one go. So at age 27, I played a video game that had been everything to me as a kid, a game that I once knew better than the back of my hand, but now with only a vague recollection of its contents and an entirely different perspective.

It was the freshest eyes I've had on it since the first time I ever played it. It is probably the freshest eyes I'll ever have on it again.

Currently, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (3D) is without a doubt my favorite Legend of Zelda game, and one of my favorite video games I've ever played. This playthrough convinced me. I know that opinion may fluctuate again in the future, but that matters a lot less to me than expressing how much I love it right now, in this moment.

A side-effect of my Growing Up is that I don't get immersed in video game worlds like I used to. I'm unable to pass hours at a time just walking around a fictional town and pretending I live there. I place a lot more weight on gameplay, because if a game isn't fun, I am not going to spend much time playing it. I'm not scared of polygonal hands falling from the ceiling, especially given that they're extremely easy to dodge and easier to kill. Lastly, I've developed a habit of over-analyzing media in a way that prooobably hinges on "total bullsh*t" to others, but is significant to me.

So I was playing Ocarina of Time decidedly differently. I was actually following the directions given to me in the game, taking note of dungeon design elements that impressed or interested me, and deriving my own interpretation of the narrative as conveyed by story, gameplay, music, and visuals. One could probably say I was playing it "as intended" for the first time, but honestly, who even cares about intention.

I found myself really invested in the story. I like how there is a narrative implied for Link, not necessarily through the game telling me about his backstory with X and Y characters (the game tries that with Saria, but it falls a bit flat), but through his growth in terms of capability over the course of the game. Starting out as a kid who can only roll, getting a dinky sword and a shield that burns away, turning into an adult and using a bow with better control than the slingshot, etc until you are obtaining gauntlets that let you suplex massive boulders 20 times your size. I felt like I, as the player, experienced the transition from "I'm playing Adult Link the same as Young Link but taller," to "my moveset is completely different and I'm basically a god now," and it gave me a different kind of immersion from what I experienced when I was a kid. I was immersed in Link's growth because I felt like I transformed from being a kid to a total f*cking badass by the end of the game. I was projecting my own thoughts of whether he is a "child" or "adult" based on my own experiences and thoughts while playing.

And that narrative, that commentary on what it means to be a "child" and grow into an "adult", hits entirely differently when playing a game that I saw one way as a kid and now see another way as an adult. The game was commenting on how different the world looks to a child versus to an adult, and at the same time I'm noticing how different the game itself looks to me now, as an adult, versus when I was a child.

I currently interpret it as one of the most well-told coming of age stories I've ever experienced.

I also have a newfound appreciation for Ocarina of Time's iteration of Zelda, the character. When I was a kid, even though I knew Zelda and Sheik were the same person (sorry for spoilers but it's true), I still didn't really perceive them that way. I didn't even really perceive the adult and young versions of characters as the same person, because they look different and act different. I was a kid, I didn't have life experience and context to think of them in those terms yet.

I do now, and I'd like to go on the record stating Ocarina of Time Zelda is cool as f*ck. She spends 7 years in hiding undergoing secret ninja training, can somehow make an entire orchestra accompany her when she plays harp, has extremely dramatic entrances and exits for literally no reason except for the production of it... by the time the Nocturne of Shadow cutscene comes along there's an interesting and compelling camaraderie between Link and Sheik-Zelda, even though they've only had like 5 cutscenes together where all Sheik does is recite heavily pointed poetry. When Zelda reveals her identity at the end, it's a really powerful moment that sells the same "fate brought us together" feeling you get from the very first meeting with her in the courtyard, and again at the final reunion at the very end.

I'm repeating myself here, but I really have to emphasize: this game is most successful in what it conveys narratively without saying it. Sure, it tries to explain to me that Link is Saria's long time BFF or whatever, but that's mostly offscreen, and when you have Sheik show up and teach you magical songs at key plot beats and then reveal herself to be the princess who has dictated your journey from the start, that relationship starts coming off as a lot more meaningful. No offense Saria. Sorry about your ocarina.

This narrative-via-gameplay that I am probably heavily exaggerating from the text wouldn't be very successful if the gameplay weren't good. Fortunately, I'm quite pleased to announce that the dungeon design in Ocarina of Time (3D) is largely really solid. The Shadow Temple and Ice Cavern are the only real drags, the former because Bottom of the Well already did what it tries to do but better, and the latter because it's just boring bottle management when blue fire could have been so much cooler. Other than that? I had a BLAST. Puzzles are fun and interesting, enemies are diverse to suit their environments, I was totally RPing as mr. hero guy going on an adventure and exploring interesting places with distinct designs and great vibes. Turns out I actually love the water temple! Who knew? (Color-coded doors signaling water level changes helped a LOT.) And collecting magical artifacts along the way was just... fun. No better word for it. The game is fun!

There are, however, two things I completely agree with my younger self on.

The visuals and music in this game. Are awesome.

Ocarina of Time 3D looks, visually, the way I always wanted Ocarina of Time to look on the Nintendo 64. It's the same but more vibrant, rounded, colorful, detailed; but, the same. It's just brought to life. Even as a kid playing the 64 version with nothing to compare it to I wished the models were less pointy and ugly, and now I have a version where it looks the way I always dreamed it could, and I'm never going back. I have visual nitpicks with the 3DS version I can count on one hand and a mountain of things I love about it. The trade-off is nowhere near equal.

As for music? I stand firmly with child-me. Wielding a magic ocarina that you can play whatever you want on is unmatched, and weaving melodies for gameplay purposes that also match iconic BGM pieces is brilliant. I don't spend hours on end playing Rick Astley on it anymore (...but maybe I did spend fifteen minutes or so, for old times' sake), but I am ever a sucker for media in which music is a vessel for magic, especially when I'm allowed to play that music myself.

Everything I now love about this game, all of my take-aways from it, are perfectly encapsulated by the last scene as an adult, after defeating Ganon, when Link and Zelda have a conversation floating in the sky because Magic. (I don't need an explanation for why they're in the sky, they're in the sky because Magic, and because it's a gorgeous setting that fits the mood.) And after an entire game in which the Song of Time is emphasized as an important piece associated with traveling 7 years through time from the Temple of Time, Zelda tells you that she is going to send you back, and brings the ocarina to her lips. Zelda, who taught you the Song of Time in the first place.

And she plays Zelda's Lullaby.

Her performance hesitates, just slightly, before the last couple notes, and she opens her eyes to see you disappear, never to meet again in this future, but perhaps to meet again in another one.

It's absolutely perfect. That musical decision is one I never even noticed as a kid, but it is absolutely everything to me now. I don't necessarily know that I have the words to explain what about it is so perfect to me, other than "literally everything." Ocarina of Time's dynamic between Link and Zelda is simply poetic. It's a dynamic that is less about them feeling like real people and more about this sense that they are part of a greater destiny, two of the most important figures in the universe, souls whose combined story transcends time.

Maybe those kinds of stories aren't as impactful to some. But to me, there is nothing more deserving of a title like "The Legend of Zelda" than a game where, at the end of it, I truly feel as though I've been a part of something legendary.

#ocarina of time #oot3d #analyses

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