#accidental urination
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saw a tweet and immediately had this joke in mind
#half life#gman#gordon freeman#gmod#my stuff#shitpost#i had to download a bunch of public bathroom maps for gmod for this dumb joke#also god damn why is it always such a pain to post images on this webbed site. it always throws up errors fucking hell#also also I accidentally made a version of this where it was the pov of gordon pissing in a sink#bc i mistook some dirty sinks in a map for urinals or whatever theyre called#i was wondering why there would be a huge mirror in front of a row of urinals. yea
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finally made it to Spain the last couple of days have been absolute hell I’ve decided after this I’m never leaving my house ever again
#we almost missed our flight today cause my dad accidentally left the pouch with our passports at a restaurant#time zones are fucking me up can��t remember when I got any actual sleep but my body is telling me it’s been a while#HOW DO PPL DO THIS BRUH#good thing is our hotel is fucking amazing thank god#the bathroom has a urinal??!!#and it’s cheaper than some of the shitty ones I’ve been in at the States#insanity
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ONE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS
#DONT ASK ME WHY HES HERE#I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED ON A TRACK AND IT COUNTED IT#msi#mindless self indulgence#euringer#jimmy urine#korn#motionless in white#last fm
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even though i can piss at a urinal, idk why i would. i can't sit down and browse reddit at the urinal. this is my time.
#also i accidentally made eye contact with a dude at the urinal the other day and i think he put a curse on me that threw off my whole week#actually correction#i didn't make eye contact with him#HE made eye contact with ME
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THE NURSE ACCIDENTALLY GOT RID OF THE URINE SAMPLE AODHWJSBDJNWNDJWJ NOW IM GONNA BE HERE EVEN LONGER
#they need a buncha samples bc they wanna make sure its what they think it is#so they want blood urine and a ct scan rn#maybe more idk#i had just gotten to piss and they wanted the urine but the nurse forgot and accidentally got rid of it 😭
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guy walks into the wrong bathroom
#i was thinking “oh its so fun that theres like. many urinals in the womens bathroom. very progressive =w=b.”#but alas. guy walked into the guys bathroom not knowing he did so. whooops#i still use the womens bathroom bc. scared. but also i dont wanna see dick at school please.#but maybe.... i only noticed when i was washing my hands so i dont think id see and penis if i were to use it.#im not going to tho its finee#augh#sillyposting#auughh#its not my first time in a mens toilet i dabbled a little in high school....#but stillll.....#what im stuck up on is the fact that i did so accidentally... thats emberassing.#augh.....
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Finger wounds from this week.
#the first is because I accidentally cut my cuticle with an eyebrow razor and didn’t even realize until I was bleeding#the second is from my sweet darling baby angel kitty#mine#I guess now you can see my exorcist vomit nails AND my unhealthy urine nails#I can’t get a good picture of the second wound it’s actually quite deep lmfao and I got a little skin flap love that for me
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sometimes i think about that tale i heard while at Outdoors Camp in yosemite wherein all of the tents in our campground were set up to have two twin mattresses and one queen sized mattress for two people, housing four people in total. since we all had sleeping bags for the trip it was literally whatever for most people, i shared the queen with one of my friends. however, apparently one group of my male classmates were so No Homo about the whole situation that instead of having two of them share the queen bed they apparently both slept on the floor of that tiny fucking tent?? not even one of you was gonna take the mattress? Good Lord
#ylimespam#this might be an accidental lie or a misremember tbf. could be possible that the floor situation only lasted one night. who knows#there were always rumors going around my elementary school campus [yosemite was in middle school but yknow. same gang of idiots] that#certain water fountains had been used as urinals. never paid attention to those. those were PROBABLY lies most of the time#i hope they were at least. uh. that's not really improtant to this story tho aside from the fact that Kids Lie For Clout
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john doe game headcanons . . . ↷
A/N; i'm actually really sensitive about john doe JHSAJHSAJAS
Pairing; "John Doe" x GN!Reader
CW; Just doe being the weirdo we love / PISSPISSPISS / implied cannibalism? not so much tho / ew stinky gay / sex with a hairball
john doe as a partner.
His love for you is pure, but the lack of understanding in humans makes it complicated, he doesn't know how to express it in a "correct" way.
He has little interest in humans but all his interest in You, do you want to learn to play an instrument? Doe too, he would learn to use a phone to call you although it would be useless since in the end he would follow you to work, he can't stand having you away for even a second!
He tried to eat you (unfortunately not in a sexual way), he wanted to bite, pull your teeth, and tear them out of your cheeks to eat them, you had to use a lot of patience to explain to him that this was painful and you could die
He likes your fluids, your sweat smells so good, it tastes great, your tears, he knows that tears mean something is wrong but he can't help but want to lick them, at least he's like a puppy in that way and that will make you laugh, Doe wants to help! your urine, he will drink it all without a problem, if you are both having a loving session in bed and you want to go to the bathroom, forget it, he will open your legs and help empty your bladder, he loved being your personal toilet, your blood is the sweetest of his paradise, be careful with accidental cuts or his mouth will stick like a leech to your wound
Ideas for romantic activities will probably come from television, be careful what he watches
At this point, Doe lives by and for you, he will adapt to your lifestyle and tastes, although he cannot understand most of them, the idea of "breaking up" does not exist in his head, you can walk away, even stop talking to him and he will continue behind you
But he has feelings, why don't you talk to him anymore? Did he do something wrong? He no longer leaves rats in the kitchen, he no longer tries to make You dinners with raw meat, is that the way he looks? Tell him your standards! Doe will change everything for you, even reality
He can definitely purr, he's more like an old, ugly, stray cat that will rest on your lap, but he's YOUR, old, ugly, stray cat.
He doesn't know how to give compliments, it's more like observations or comments about how you make him feel "You're wearing a big hat!" "A red dress!", "I'm so happy to see you!" but it's adorable that he reminds you that you are his whole life…somehow
It's like having a child at home, in the strangest way possible, he will try to make horrible crafts for you and help with housework without much success.
If you demand sex, Doe would probably do his best to make a nice cock, just for you, or a pussy depending on what you like, he will be submissive but if you ask him to take control he will try
And that will probably be the messiest and hardest sex you've ever had in your life, Doe always adores you like it's your last day on earth so in a sexual sphere it would be ten times worse
If you put on a movie at night, he will fall asleep halfway through, no exceptions, the sound of the television and your smell will be enough
Doe would definitely kill for you, he doesn't understand jokes so please don't say "Ugh I hate that guy, I hope he's dead" because yes, the guy will be dead.
In case You doesn't like the smelly boy, Doe will try to take showers regularly, at least to not smell like something out of the sewer, the pain doesn't matter if it's about you
Loves physical contact and quality time
Surprisingly, Doe has a driver's license, he would be your personal chauffeur, you may think it's an adorable gesture but he just wants to be sure where you are at every hour of the day… and help, of course.
Aside from adoring you, Doe actually has his own tastes and hobbies, he HAS feelings! He has tried knitting since the technology is very confusing, he really is like an old man
He tries to have a good relationship with your friends and family, if you have a big family he will probably feel overwhelmed but that doesn't mean he will stop trying to show that he loves you and wants to be with you.
Your younger nephews love it, they think of Doe as a weird-looking uncle who lets them play with his hair
Doe shirt always has hearts when he looks at You.
♡
#nb reader#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#john doe#john doe game#john doe x reader#john doe x you#headcanons#writers on tumblr#john doe game headcanons#john doe visual novel#yandere visual novel#yandere x reader#yandere#smut#gn reader
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so the game My Long Drive (on sale now, incidentally) is a post-apocalyptic survival game where you drive a car down a long road, encountering various structures and hazards on your way.
And the game has "liquid container" mechanics, where you can pour water/gas/diesel/oil/blood/alcohol/urine from a bucket into a bottle or a car's radiator or drum or whatever and vice versa.
But there's a weird behavior in the game that seems to be caused by implementing paint (which you can use to recolor your car) as a liquid: You can refill a can of a paint, but what happens makes no sense.
You take a 1 liter can of Red Paint and pour in a drum. You have 1 liter of Red Paint.
You take a 1 liter can of Blue Paint and pour it in the drum.
Expected: You have 2 liters of badly mixed Red-Purple-Blue paint.
Observed: You have 2 liters of Red Paint.
You can refill paint cans with other paint cans, and what color the second paint can is DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL!
That's hilarious. I'm sure they implemented this accidentally and then left it in as an amusing bit of game quirkiness (it's that kind of simulator).
But don't worry: I made it work.
See, there's another liquid where you if you have 2 liters of it and you add 1 liter of water, you end up with 3 liters of it, not 2 liters of it and 1 liter of water slowly mixing:
Holy water!
It's true (at least in some varieties of Christianity): If you take holy water and add regular water to it, you get more holy water, not diluted holy water. It's indilutable!
So you then just need to figure out how to make Holy Paint. Clearly in the apocalyptic 1970s setting of The Long Drive, some enterprising young pope invented Holy Paint, which can't be diluted. So if you start running out of Red Paint, just add some spare Blue Paint, and now you've got twice as much Red Paint.
(Yes I know I marked the Blue Paint in Green, but that's a hilarious mistake so I'm not gonna fix it)
I wonder if you'd have to set up multiple varieties of catholicism, one for each color of paint? That'd be annoying.
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Everflow - Everglow Yiren
Blah blah blah something something something hello! That's all you understood from the words coming out of the MC's mouth. What did your publication want from this? You're not going to complain, because hey, free business trip, but what was the point of sending someone who barely understood the language? You mingle around, not recognizing any of your fellow colleagues, but you do notice someone.
"Hello, you're here by yourself too?"
"No I'm— I mean yes, unfortunately." Said someone is dressed in a tiny black dress, tapping on her phone in a secluded corner all by herself. She gives you a lookover, before putting her phone back into her purse. "You're here alone too?"
"Yes. You're here for the event too?"
"Yes, work. You?"
"Same." You try to think what job would allow her to come to an event like this dressed like that, but she interrupts you with a question.
"Boring isn't it? How about we have some fun before the event starts?"
"What do you have in mind?" She grabs your wrist and pulls you in.
"Wrong question, you should be asking me." Her breath tickles your ear. "What will I get in you?"
You are left contemplating the correct question as she leads you away into a thankfully unoccupied bathroom. You press her against the sink, kissing a complete stranger just minutes, if not seconds ago. Your lips drift away from hers, moving down her chin, only for her to pull away slightly.
"No marks, and no time." The young woman answers the question for you, her hands going to your trousers to unbuckle them. She takes off her panties and hikes up her tight dress best she can. "Just pull out." With a hiss through gritted teeth you push into her.
"Oh, oh fuck you're big!" Your ego stroked by her words and tightness around you, you start slowly, easing in and out of her. But it doesn't last for long as she's begging you to get her off, adding a lot of wetness to your connection.
"More please, faster, faster!" Your lady friend braces herself against the sinktop, nails almost breaking as she grips the cold marble. With how big you are she can feel every vein and texture of your tool inside her, and it feels so fucking good. The pleasure builds up too quickly, and she has to bite her lip to stifle a scream. "MMMMMMPH!" She bites the back of her hand and muffles it best she can. The lights in the bathroom are blurry and spinning when she opens her eyes again.
"Yiren? Yiren are you there?"
"Oh shit, I have to go!" To your bewilderment your short-lived fling pushes you away, quickly pulling her dress back down before leaving you in the lurch. Your dick is no more than a panty holder, the two things left dangling in the bathroom. You quickly grab her underwear off the countertop, and briefly deliberate finishing yourself; you decide not to once you look around and find no urinals in the bathroom. You zip up best you can, groaning at the tightness of your crotch area and dampness of your trousers—she had squirted all over you and you're still hard.
"Please welcome to the stage, Everglow's Yiren!" You are left dumbfounded as you watch the woman you were several inches in earlier walk on stage, going commando unbeknownst to everyone else in the audience.
"Hello, I'm Yiren!" She presses her legs together, making sure to not accidentally flash anyone. Her thighs feel uncomfortably wet, but Yiren doesn't have time to consider things while she's on stage, so she focuses on interacting with the MC and the crowd, saying nice things and looking pretty. After her job is complete, Yiren disappears from your sight for a while, but you soon find her trying to find you.
"Hey, do you have my clothing?"
"Your clothing? Miss Yiren, what do you mean?" you ask jokingly, pulling out the thin fabric of Yiren's underwear briefly before she shoves it back in your pocket.
"Not here!"
"I agree, you finished your job on stage, you should finish your other job too. I won't ask you to wash my pants though."
"What?"
"You made a mess all over them, utterly drenched."
"I didn't— I don't, you know, do that."
"My pants and the puddle the poor janitor has to clean later will disagree, but I have more pressing concerns." Yiren blushes, but she doesn't back away from you. She looks around, making sure that the two of you wouldn't be observed leaving the event.
"Fine, I have a room in the hotel, let's go there."
There is more than the two of you in the elevator up, so when Yiren lets you into her room you kick the door closed and wrap your arm around her tiny waist right away.
"You left me really high and dry, well, not dry, but hanging."
"Tch, that's why you're here now no?" Yiren is mildly annoyed at your constant reference to her squirting, and she shuts you up by undoing your trousers. The pretty face on stage doing her job earlier is now a pretty face on her knees doing a blowjob as she pulls your boxers down and pushes her lips over your cock. Yiren clearly wanted to get it over with, and you were edged enough earlier that you give in easily, your knees buckling as she wraps her tongue around your shaft and coaxing your time-delayed release down her throat.
"Looks like you're the only one squirting," she jabs you after wiping her mouth.
"We can go back there and take a look, if you're someone that likes to return to the scene of their 'crime'."
"I-I don't! But I don't squirt either!"
"Prove it, go ahead and touch yourself. It'll give me time to get hard again too." You dangle the (or rather, your) carrot in front of Yiren, and it is enticing—she remembers how good it felt in the bathroom earlier, and she would not mind a round two regardless.
"Fine." You watch Yiren slip out of her little black dress, her pale skin nicely matching the white sheets she gets on. A hand slips between her legs, but she keeps them closed.
"Open your legs, don't want you squirting and then trying to hide it." Yiren glares at you, but her knees part slightly, showing you her finger lightly rubbing her clit. You nod and have her continue, and Yiren's eyes close. Her legs begin to splay open as she continues rubbing herself, but she doesn't speed up, her other hand merely fondling her small breasts as you watch her climb. Her movements are small but practiced, no doubt how she touched herself back at the dorms—she needed to be quiet, to not be noticed, just enough to get her over the edge.
"Mm!" A small squeak, and her legs relax on to the bed. "I— I came, see, no squirting." Yiren cheeks are pink, but she glares at you to prove her point. She had just given herself a "light" orgasm, a "light" on the malatang spiciness scale—just enough to leave her senses tingling, but not nearly satisfying enough. Which is why you were here in the first place.
"If that's how you touch yourself I'm not surprised."
"How dare you— I'd like to see you try!" Yiren tries to be outraged, but her eyes are glued on your recovered hardness.
"Oh I plan to. I'll make sure you can't stop squirting." A warmth goes through her body as you lay a large hand on her hip—you hadn't touched her quite like this, skin-on-skin contact, in the bathroom earlier.
"You can try, but if you don't, and you won't, I'm not going to help get you off again even if I cum."
"You're going to blue ball me again?" you ask even as Yiren unbuttons your shirt. She unconsciously licks her lips as she takes in your naked body.
"Hey, that time was out of my control, unless you wanted us to get caught! But yes, if you really think you can make me do it, you should put something on the line." She draws you in, her lips inches from yours. She smells like strawberry.
"Fine, you should put something on the line too."
"Like what?"
"If I make you squirt, I get to use you until you stop squirting, you don't get to say stop."
"I have—" Yiren stops herself. She had a flight out tomorrow morning, but did she really think it would go that long? No, no it wouldn't. "Never mind, yes, that's fine." She agrees without further thought, pulling you in for a hungry kiss. She wants to get off on you again, and even if she did squirt by some miracle, it'd be a one-off, and she could still ditch you after by faking an orgasm. Yes, that'd be the play. So Yiren lets herself relax the first round, feeling you up with her wandering hands.
"You like what you see?"
"Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have led you to the bathroom earlier."
"I'm glad, let me get started then." Without a further word Yiren feels two fingers on her belly drag themselves down between her legs. They felt huge, each as large as one of the toys she would use occasionally.
"Wait— Ah!" You plunge two fingers into her and start fingerfucking her. Yiren merely rubbed her clit earlier, ramping up the pleasure slowly, and then doing just enough to tip her over. If her masturbation was a "light" orgasm, you want to make this one "explosive". Her head snaps back as you dig around her roughly, feeling for her g-spot, and finding it when she reacts abruptly—a sharp moan, a clench of her walls, and a hand on your arm, trying to ward you off.
No, wait! Everything is happening too fast for Yiren to process—she's being rubbed in an area she never reaches herself, and your thumb is too demanding, pressing and tapping on her clit like an impatient customer demanding a waiter to serve him water. Her hand is on your arm, jerking along with your rough movements, she needs to push you away, yet she can't summon the strength, the fingers inside her feel so good, too good. A warmth floods her body when she senses a fingerpad on her nipple, adding another sensation to her overloaded senses.
"Mmmmmmm!" Yiren snaps, covering her mouth with a raised arm. Yet there's no covering her lower mouth as you remove your fingers, and all the "overload" in Yiren squirts out, spraying your arm with clear slick, her juices served on a platter. She twitches and trembles on the bed, her toned tummy drumming up and down on the bed as she rides out her intense climax. Her vision white and breathing deeply, Yiren takes a while to open her eyes again, and to her dismay she sees your hand, liquid dripping off your fingertips.
"You squirted."
"J-Just this once." You took that as a challenge.
Not what I meant! Yiren throws her head back again as you bury your head between her legs, your tongue an utterly foreign and delightful muscle against her wetness. Your tongue wriggles past her lips, and Yiren has to plant her hand over your head. Presumably she wants you to stop moving, to give her time to recover, but all that happens is her tensing up, forcing your head harder against her pussy. Your arms hook around her thighs, and you continue to eat her out even as her hips move every which way. All the movement makes you bump against her clit repeatedly, and soon, rather than trying to get away from you, Yiren's just rotating her hips without purpose, grinding her crotch against your face as she chases her orgasm.
Fuck, why does it feel so good?! She bemoans the pleasure. Your teeth grazes against her swollen clit, and Yiren yells. When you wrap your lips around the nub and suck, Yiren screams, a surge of lightning going up her spine before rushing out of her pussy, splashing her juices all over your chin. You quickly place your mouth over her pussy to drink up the rest of it, making a point of wiping your mouth when she has her eyes open again.
"You taste delicious."
"S-Shut up. When are you going to fuck me hmm? You won't get to get off if I don't squirt the next time." Yiren sees you smile, and you silently get up to move her around the bed. She finds herself facing the mirror, and before she knows it you're behind her, her back pressed against your chest. She had prepared herself to get on all fours, but to her surprise you've made her sit and pushed her legs open, your own legs keeping her spread lewdly. Your head dips to her ear, and she shivers against you when you whisper.
"I'm not worried. Besides, I thought you might want to watch yourself squirt. Maybe then you'll admit it."
With your legs locking hers in place, Yiren watches your hand go down her body. She keels against you when you slide two fingers into her once more. This time thankfully you don't focus on her g-spot, drawing your digits out soon after. Maybe I can— Yiren yelps as you slam your fingers back in, and with your body bracing Yiren, she can't back away, it just makes your fingers get even deeper into her. I can't, I can't! Your palm strikes against her clit every time you thrust your fingers into her. She's already close again, and even Yiren knows she's going to squirt.
"Look in the mirror." Yiren forces her eyes open, and you hook her own legs a little further back, spreading her out even more. Her glossy eyes watch your hand go even faster in and out of her, there's no way she can stay watching it—
"Nngaaah!" A wild yell escapes her, her mind on a different plane of reality as she watches herself through the mirror. The Yiren in the mirror throws her hips off the bed as the hand pulls back, and it is a gush of juice that explodes out of her pussy. Not just a singular gush too—over and over Yiren bucks her hips off the bed, each firing off their own jet of squirt. The lithe girl is trembling and sweating, the sheets beneath her soaked with all kinds of fluids.
"God you're such a perfect squirter..." your whispers rouse Yiren from her stupor, and she sees herself in the mirror, droplets of her own girlcum splattered across the face looking back.
I-I'm not a squirter! Am I? Doubt sets in on Yiren. And your sinful words don't help at all.
"You've been holding back on yourself, holding back on me, this whole time. You should see yourself squirt again."
"N-No, I don't want to, don't want to watch!" You grin and push Yiren's legs together, before hooking your arm under her legs and pulling them up. Her back pressed against you, you pull her legs towards her chest, folding Yiren in half, and now she's staring at her knees instead of the mirror.
"Fine, just listen then." In the folded position Yiren can barely catch her breath as you strum on her clit, and in her overstimulated state she wails before going silent in orgasm. She squirts once more, and despite being unable to see the mirror, Yiren hears the spray land heavily on the mirror, each drop a thunder in her ears.
"Did you squirt then?" you ask her, and she blushes and tries to shy away from you.
"Yes."
"Are you a squirter?"
"N-No."
"Not admitting it yet?" You release your hold on her, letting her flop on to the bed as you roll on top of her. "I am going to fuck you now."
"No!" She pushes you away in a hurry. "I mean, let me be on top."
"If you want." You get on your back, and Yiren clambers on top of you. Gone is her prettily coiffed hair and makeup, replaced with a disheveled, sweaty, and drained look. She has been pushed to her limits tonight, the pleasure and forbidden sensation of squirting driving her insane, yet she's desirous for more. Any idea of faking an orgasm to just get out of the deal is gone from her head—she wants to cum, and she wants to not squirt to prove a pointless point.
Even after all of your handiwork on her pussy, it still doesn't compare to how full you feel inside her, and Yiren moans deliriously as she hilts herself on you. This is it! She cries in her head, immediately beginning to grind her hips on you.
"You like my cock don't you?"
"I, uhhnngh, I love it!" Her hands are on your chest, and she squeezes your pecs as she grinds. Yiren's head is spinning as the pleasure she had felt in the bathroom quickie earlier returns, your shaft rubbing all the right spots along her drenched walls. But I can't squirt! She forces herself to slow down her movements, denying herself some of the pleasure, to hopefully bring herself to a small orgasm rather than another wet one.
You see through her thoughts immediately as she shuts her eyes, brows furrowed in concentration.
"Why are you going slow Yiren?"
"You know why, damn it!"
"Is that why you wanted to be on top? So you can control the pace?"
"Yes, oh fuck!" she whines as she unfortunately finds the perfect angle to fuck herself on you.
"You do know that I can just hold you there and thrust upwards right? I can make you squirt all over my cock whenever—" You put one hand on her waist. "I—" You put your other hand on her waist, and Yiren freezes, as if waiting for you to just do as you say, to just ruin her with another squirting orgasm. "Want, but I won't." You let go of her, and Yiren's too stunned to speak momentarily. You smirk at her undulating body though, unconsciously beginning to move in circles again.
"W-Why did you st— Why not?"
"I want you to make yourself squirt. I can make you do it anytime, but can you?"
"I don't want to! I won't!"
"Are you sure? I can feel you clenching around me, are you thinking about how it would feel when you squirt again? Thinking about how I would do it?"
"No!"
"I would grab your tiny little waist, and then I would jam you down as I thrust up, god I would get so deep in you. You squirted before in the bathroom, there's no way you won't squirt again."
"No, not this time!" Yiren can't see you grin as she begins to lose her mind—she finally admits to squirting in the bathroom earlier.
"And then I would roll you over so I can properly fuck you, and I won't stop until you admit you're a squirter, and then make you squirt again and again."
"I won't say that— mmmm!" As you argue with Yiren her hips begin to move with a mind of their own, moving faster and faster. Her moans rise in pitch as she finds the perfect angle again and again. Stop Yiren, you need to stop! A little inner voice begins to shout, but it is fighting against the tidal roar of another orgasm.
Yiren don't! It is far too late.
"I can't, I'm sorry, NO—" Yiren wails loudly and begins to give in.
Schlick
"What are you sorry about Yiren?"
"I— I'm going to cum!"
Schlick Shlop
"Are you going to squirt on my cock?"
"Mmm, mmm!" She tries to shake her head, but she's bouncing on your cock, and she ends up nodding comically instead.
"Say it!"
Schlick Shlop Shlosh
"I'm— Ohh I'm going to, I'm going to nngh... I'm squirting—" The rest of it devolves into unintelligible groans as Yiren's control is washed away. You have to focus on not cumming with Yiren as she contracts around you, but you still feel your balls get drenched in her warm fluids, and the added squelch you now hear from Yiren's movements finish her original sentence—Yiren has flooded your connection with her juices and squirted all over your cock. You hold Yiren and roll the two of you, switching positions and making the twitching idol squirt a little more in the process.
"You really are a huge squirter aren't you?"
"Don't move, please don't move yet!" Yiren clings on to you, her walls still clenching around you as she rides out the last waves of her peak. "I-I'm a squirter, ok? I admit it."
"Good, then I don't want you to hold back. I'm going to fuck you, and I want you to tell me when you're squirting."
"Mm, ahh!" You start moving as soon as Yiren squeaks her understanding. As if finally unblocked and unchained, she throws her head back, moaning loudly when you thick rod runs itself in and out of her.
It's too good, it's so good— "Ugh I'm cumming!" It only takes a few thrusts for the overstimulated Yiren to cum again, and psshh you pull out, a jet of liquid spraying your stomach. As soon as she's done you plunge back in, pumping Yiren for her next gush.
"Ohhh yes!" Tears leak out from Yiren's eyes as she bucks her hips and squirts again. She can't believe how good it feels to squirt, the warm juices evidence of her own extreme pleasure. How can she ever go back to her feeble masturbation, how can she go "dry" again? She's shouting herself hoarse, but she doesn't even care if the whole floor hears her scream.
"I'm squirting again!"
"You're such a fucking hot squirter," you growl, driving into her faster and harder, chasing your own orgasm as you fuck Yiren to several squirting orgasms, each loudly announced. Your bodies are covered in sweat and slick, droplets of each splattered all over your violent forms.
"Guhnngh!" Yiren's brow contracts as you nudge at her cervix on an extra-deep thrust, and her walls clench around you violently as you nudge her again and again and again. "God— guh, uh, uh, nngh!" She feels your tip press on her womb firmly, and she loses all control.
"FUCK!" You pull out just in time, and your load fires up her body, splattering Yiren all the way to her neck. Yiren's world goes white, just as white as your load covering her while she explodes in her wettest orgasm yet. Her first blast hits you square in the chest, and the following jet sprays cover your entire torso. By the time her hips finally stop bucking, her entire body is flush in exertion and completely limp below you, as if every last bit of strength in her has been expelled in the form of girlcum all over your body.
Not caring about the mess you collapse on top of her, feeling Yiren quivering beneath you. The two of you take long minutes to recover, and you are the first to manage to put together a sentence.
"We should clean up," you whisper. But she shakes her head.
"I-I can't move." Her limbs still feel weak and numb, the pleasure nerves in her head still firing. You half carry and half drag Yiren into the shower, turning the hot water on and letting it wash over the two of you. But you're not done with Yiren yet.
"No..." Yiren feels your hand go between her legs, and she braces herself against the shower wall. A few rubs on her sensitive nub, and a weak flow of slick trickles down her leg before joining the shower water down the drain.
"You can end this now," you whisper in her ear, and Yiren finally realizes what you mean—in the shower she can just lie, say she didn't squirt, and you would end the session. You continue rubbing her slit, feeling Yiren tense in a weak orgasm, and her juices spray over your fingers weakly.
"I-I didn't squirt there." You look Yiren in the eyes, and they are round and tired, eager for rest.
"I see, I failed then. We're done." She slumps against the wall, sliding down to the floor. You sit down next to her, gently shampooing and soaping her up (to small overstimulated whimpers), helping Yiren finally get clean before quickly washing up yourself.
"Can you get up?" Yiren nods, standing up like a baby deer as you hand her a towel and give her a robe after. She hugs you tightly as the two of you exit the bathroom, her head buried in your chest—she's sobbing into it, overcome with emotion at what just happened tonight.
"Yiren?"
"I'm so embarrassed, I don't know what to say."
"I had a wonderful time tonight, thank you. I won't say anything about tonight to anyone."
"Okay, thank you. I umm, I have to leave tomorrow morning."
"So do I, you should rest as much as you can, and drink lots of water."
"Right..." Yiren blushes at the comment, and you feel her get warm against you as the two of you survey the water damage—Yiren has likely soaked the mattress, the sheets clinging to it translucently. "Oh god how am I going to explain this, what if the hotel finds out?"
"They'll keep quiet, that's what they're paid to do. Just say you spilled a pot of water or something and that you're very sorry."
"I'll try that."
"Yes, good. I should go, I'll let you rest." You gently dislodge Yiren from your arm, but she's clingy.
"I-I never felt like that before, it never feels that good."
"I'm glad, now you know what's possible. Next time, you should have a towel when you do it yourself."
"No, I want to see you again." Yiren's eyes are wide and twinkling—she's putting the idol charm on you, the little firecracker you fucked in the bathroom coming back strong.
"Fine, here's my business card. Don't risk it, remember we almost got caught earlier," you remind her.
"I will worry about that. It's my neck on the line." You chuckle and shake your head, giving her a goodbye hug and getting a goodbye peck in return.
You return to Korea separately from Yiren, and you don't expect to hear from her for a while—she is an idol after all.
Ding! Or not.
I'm off next Wednesday, can I see you then?
Well, at least that day's weather forecast settled.
Wet.
A/N: I wrote this purely because I wanted to do an "Everglow/flow" pun lol and wanted to use that little black dress pic of hers, thanks for reading!
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Request for the Pro Heroes x child reader
Character(s): Hawks and/or Endeavor (yes I'm giving this man a chance to be a good person)
Prompt: Abandoned nonbinary reader with a Phoenix quirk (wings and fire) and everyone thinks they'll be a Villain because of how hot the reader's fire can burn. Phoenixes in Japan are seen as goddesses. (Reader was originally abandoned for coming out at nonbinary but the deal was sealed when the reader accidentally burned a house down)
-🦦
Thank you so much for your request. I’m so excited since this is my first official request. I already had an idea for a phoenix quirk so I hope you don’t mind that I used it here. I hope you enjoy this story and that it helps you.
Hawks and Endeavor x Phoenix Quirk Child Reader
Reader was 13 when they were found by Hawks and Endeavor
The reader’s mother had an endurance and adaptability quirk that allowed her to change her body to better fit her environment. For example: if the reader’s mother was stuck in the desert, her body would change to allow her to store excess water similar to how a camel does. Or if bullets were fired at her, she could thicken her skin and produce osteoderms (these are the small bone like plates that cover the crocodilian species’s backs)
The reader’s father had a weak heat quirk and could grow sharp feathers from his arms and shoulders.
Their parents were very traditional and strict. Having been a late bloomer was already causing strain on their relationship with their parents.
The reader developed their quirk late at the age of 10. The reader has retractable wings that are covered in specialized feathers. The Primary and Secondary feathers are sharp and resemble blades, these feathers harden after they fully develop. The Primary and Secondary Coverts are hard and sharp at the tips. When the tips of the Coverts rub or strike each other it creates a spark.
Each feather has microscopic holes along the Calamus and a gland beneath the follicle that secretes an Ethanol based, oil-like substance that covers their skin protecting it from the flames but also acting as a fuel. This oil is similar to Bakugou’s nitroglycerin sweat as they both produce more, the hotter they get. (Ethanol burns at an extremely high temperature but is invisible to the naked eye, you won’t know its there until you’re right next to it) The holes allow for the oil to cover the feathers.
Due to their Mother’s endurance quirk, the reader’s body is unaffected by the flames they produce. The reader’s body sweat has a natural cooling effect as well as burn soothing and healing properties. This is how they are not burned by the flames. (The reader has to maintain a healthy hydration and drink lots of water because they are easily susceptible to dehydration)
Due to the reader’s quirk their body is naturally androgynous as they don’t have feminine curves or broad shoulders. The reader is short (5’2, sorry if you’re taller) and has a lighter than average body fat percentage to allow for easier flight. (Reader would most likely have a small penis like appendage to make urinating easier as well as a Cloaca. It’s also possible that reader could change their bodies physiology similar to how frogs can change their genders)
Due to the reader’s late development of a quirk as well as their androgynous appearance, they were seen as a freak and were bullied and shunned by their peers.
At age 12 the other kids around them began puberty and as their peers’s bodies began to change and developed they began to question themselves and eventually came to the conclusion that they were nonbinary.
One night their parents sat the reader down and began to discuss the reader’s appearance and how they needed to change in order to fit into society. Since the reader would have a harder time developing fat and couldn’t change the bone structure of their hips, their parents decided that the reader would be a male.
Their parents told them that they were to start working out and building up muscles to create a more masculine appearance. They began telling them about all the things they would have to change and even suggested drastic measures like surgery or hormone treatments to make them look more masculine.
The reader tried to explain to their parents how they felt and how they didn’t want to do all that stuff but they wouldn’t listen.
Eventually the stress became too much as the reader’s wings sprouted and their feathers naturally created a spark that ignited them. As the situation quickly became more complicated and stressful the reader accidentally bumped into a curtain, lighting it on fire, causing it to quickly grow and spread.
As their parents were shouting at them and their house went up in flames, they couldn’t deal with the stressful situation and flew off into the night sky, leaving their small town and flying far away to were they would discover in the morning to be Kyushu
After being ostracized and shunned for basically their entire life, the reader didn’t have much faith in society. Eventually they saw a news report about their hometown. Their parents claimed that their house was destroyed by a villain and blamed the reader for it, completely ignoring the fact of them being their child. The news showed a blurry picture of the reader that was taken by someone.
Due to the blurriness of the image as well as the reader having not really shown anyone their quirk, they weren’t easily identified. However, the news gave a short description of the reader and advised the public to keep an eye out for them and to alert the authorities should they spot the reader.
Realizing that they had no food, money, shelter or family and fearing being seen as a villain and being put in prison, should they ask for help, the reader decided that they had no other choice but to focus on survival.
2 months had gone by with the reader being homeless and barely scraping by. They had found an abandoned building in the less populated and more industrial area of the city and had created a small living space. They had gathered things that people had thrown away like tattered or stained clothes, old bedding, thrown out area rugs and other soft things that people had thrown away and wouldn’t realize were missing. They created a makeshift nest that made them feel safe
They had resorted to dumpster diving in order to find food and water and refused to pick pocket or steal purses. They didn’t want to do things that would make the accusations of them being a villain, true. This led to them being malnourished and having lost a lot of weight and having an emaciated and boney appearance
Hawks and Endeavor had been working together to capture a group of robbers who had been committing a string of robberies but kept getting away. Earlier in the day, the pair had apprehended and caught the group, but two of the seven had managed to escape and fled.
The robbers fled and hid in an abandoned building and planned to lay low and wait for the chance to escape the city, unaware of the red feather stuck and hidden in one of their hoods.
Hawks and Endeavor gathered the police and their sidekicks and had them surround the area near the building. The plan was to wait for the two villains to feel safe and let their guard down, then Hawks and Endeavor would storm the building, if they tried to flee, they would be caught by their sidekicks.
Using a few feathers to scope out the area and get an idea of the perpetrators positions, Hawks sent feathers into the building and relayed the information to Endeavor
Upon sensing a third body inside the building Hawks was going to tell Enji about it but felt someone grab his feather
Realizing that the element of surprise might no longer be on their side, Hawks alerted Endeavor. Inside the building, the robbers had finally noticed the reader and started to attack them when the reader summoned their wings and began to defend themselves
Since it was nighttime, the reader’s flames were emitting a blue glow similar to Dabi’s flames. Thinking that Dabi was in the building, Hawks and Endeavor rushed into the building only to quickly duck as one the robbers was sent flying over their heads from a strong wind
Using his feathers, Hawks was able to knock out the distracted robber and carry them both outside where the police quickly restrained and arrested them
Inside the building, Endeavor and Hawks had turned their attention to the reader. Upon realizing that the reader was just a kid, Hawks tried to tell them to stand down and stop their quirk. His feathers could sense the reader’s heartbeat, telling him that they were obviously scared.
When the reader tells them that they are unable to control the flames and that their wings secrete Ethanol to fuel them Endeavor is reminded of His first born son’s death
Having been living on the streets, the reader was unable to stay sufficiently hydrated and thus quickly ran out of protective sweat, causing the reader to begin being burnt
Hearing the kid’s screams of pain, Endeavor snapped out of his thoughts and quickly instructed Hawks to grab flame repressing foam from the the fire department and use his feathers to dump it on the reader
After following his instructions, the flames were quickly put out. Endeavor went over to the reader and carefully began to help them clean off the foam as he began to check the reader’s burns. Hawks took the moment to survey their surroundings and found the reader’s nest and realized that the reader was living here
Once the reader is calmed down and retracts their wings, Hawks asks about why the reader, a child, is living in an abandoned building
Fearing their situation but knowing that lying would only worsen their situation, the reader begins to explain their situation, telling the heroes what happened and why they are living here
As the police began to search the area and start to finish up their business there, Endeavor and Hawks both realize that the reader shouldn’t be returned to their parent’s custody but that placing them in the foster system would be bad due to their inability to control their relatively new quirk.
Due to developing their quirk later than others, the reader wasn’t given the same counseling and guidance that people normally get. Endeavor, having seen the reader’s potential as well as hoping to spare them the same fate that took his son, decided to become the reader’s legal guardian. Hawks, having plenty of experience with his wings and feeling a kinship with the reader, decides to become a mentor/older brother/fun uncle figure to the reader
Endeavor takes the reader to his home and has them get settled in.
Endeavor may seem grumpy and unapproachable but the reader quickly grows on him as Enji develops a soft spot for the reader.
Enji tries to teach the reader how to control their flames but is constantly reminded of how he trained his children and worries that the reader will hate him
Eventually Hawks is able to teach the reader to control their flames when he tries to have the reader cook chicken with them. Hawks originally intended it as a joke but Endeavor saw the accidental genius and decided that it was a good idea. Hawks just wanted some chicken
The reader has a tendency to build nests as a result of their father’s side of the family having mostly bird related quirks. One day Enji comes home from patrol to see the reader has built a giant nest in his living room. The reader is sitting in the nest in front of the TV. Hawks walks into the room with popcorn, snacks and drinks. After much convincing, Enji finally agrees to sit with them and watch a movie
Half way through the movie the reader falls asleep and snuggles up to Enji’s side. Wrapping an arm around them, Enji lets them sleep as he realizes how much he’s missed out on with his other kids. It’s at this moment that Enji promises himself and the reader that he’ll be better and that he’ll cherish these small moments
Hawks and Enji don’t care about the reader’s appearance, they understand that their quirk just makes their body different from others and they accept it.
Hawks will often visit the reader and they’ll preen each other’s wings. Hawks likes to make spa days out of this. He’ll take them to a bath house or bring bath salts to them. After relaxing in the bath he’ll either have a masseur give them both massages or they’ll massage each other. After that they’ll both take turns inspecting the other’s wings removing old or damaged feathers, combing the feathers, etc. after that Hawks will do face masks with the reader and basically anything that he can use as an excuse to relax
Overall, the reader is an irreplaceable part of Enji and Hawks’s lives now
I hope you enjoyed this.
#mha x reader#bnha x reader#mha#bnha#bnha x child reader#mha x child reader#endeavor x reader#endeavor#enji todoroki x reader#enji todoroki#platonic#bnha pro heroes#mha pro heroes#mha endeavor#bnha endeavor#mha hawks#bnha hawks#hawks x reader#hawks x child reader#keigo takami x reader#keigo takami#mha takami keigo#bnha keigo#endeavor x child reader#keigo Takami x child reader#x child reader
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incomplete list of excellent canon ofmd scenes/elements to incorporate into your normal-ass modern au fanfic, in no particular order:
ed and stede swapping clothes for no reason within 10 minutes of meeting each other
buttons talking to seagulls
ed quitting his job to be a fisherman and sucking so bad at fishing
calico jack engaging in horrific urinal etiquette as a power move
calico jack peeing on stede as a power move
izzy calling the cops on stede
izzy fully trying to kill stede and thinking ed will just get over this and move on
jim keeping lucius locked in a box for at least a full entire day
jim having the same exact edgy protagonist backstory with the nuns and the revenge quest and everything
ed giving weapons and a bag of cash to some random children
stede lighting a guy on fire and laughing
stede lighting a party on fire and laughing
stede accidentally killing a badminton and not really caring
stede picking up severed human body parts with his bare hands
stede straight-up abandoning his wife and kids in the middle of the night with no warning
stede crashing garlic soup’s first date and starting a fight with zheng
stede losing in a fight with zheng very publicly and very embarrassingly
#ofmd#our flag means death#stede bonnet#stede fucking bonnet#edward teach#ed teach#edward teach born on a beach#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#calico jack#izzy hands#nathaniel buttons#jim jimenez#zheng yi sao#lucius spriggs#txt#mine#og#garlic soup#🔪🍊🐍👑#originally i just wanted to talk abt stede crashing goup’s first date but i got rlly carried away. as you can see
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werewolf bf smelling what he thinks is another werewolf on you so he doubles down on sex to reclaim you
sorry all i can think about is how sometimes people douce a property in wolf urine to keep away foxes and coyotes and stuff and accidentally getting that on you and your werewolf boyfriend losing his fucking mind.
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"The ocean is basically all pee," I announce proudly to a packed audience of the United Nations Ocean Conference. They are hanging on my every word, and as well they should. Ever since my brilliant invention to clean the ocean of microplastic (it's free plastic, dude) everyone has been waiting for me to drip my secrets about water in their ears. Little naval joke there.
Seizing the moment, I click to the next slide, which is difficult because it's just the photo album on my phone (I procrastinated until the last minute.) I hold it up, way up, above the podium, but I am pretty sure that at the very least the delegates in the back cannot read the contents of the screen. When I return the phone to my pocket, I realize that I accidentally brushed the screen, and it was showing the esteemed minds of our generation a picture of my cat the entire time. Oops.
"You have to realize," I stumbled over my words quickly, changing the subject, "everyone who pees eventually has that pee end up in the ocean. Rainclouds? Also all pee. Some of it, I believe, is dinosaur pee." That last one is pure conjecture, of course, but I know that I have to give the newspaper journalists something to go on. Tomorrow's New York Times will lead with a picture of my ghoulish face and a headline: "STRANGE MAN SAYS DINOSAUR URINE COULD CHANGE BALANCE OF ELECTION." I am beginning to lose some scientists, however, who are squabbling about each other in the back, angry at some generalization or glib oversimplification I have made. I rushed to correct myself, so as not to lose face in front of these powerful nerds.
"Some of it is also poop," I add. The audience goes wild.
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Developing Powers: Clark Kent X Male Reader
Pronouns: he/him, Reader referred to as ‘boy’ and ‘man’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: M/Mentions of sexual situations, nudity Warnings: Characters are the same age, high school aged characters, awkward teenagers, pillow fights, farm boys being farm boys, showers, cold showers, accidental peeping Tom, mentions of masturbation Summary: Clark’s developing powers complicate things when his best friend stays over the weekend.
Clark’s pillow hits your head and you fall backwards onto his bed with a grunt. Before you can react, he’s on top of you with his hands pressing you down on your chest as he laughs in victory.
“Not fair, Kent.” You huff, struggling to reach for your pillow.
He grins, grabbing your wrist. “You started it.”
A knock prompts you both to look past the foot of Clark’s bed to the door. Pa Kent stands in the doorway, laughing lightly. “You boys are supposed to be in bed, lots of work in the morning.” He looks down at you. “And I won’t have your father thinking I ruined your work ethic, young man.”
Clark moves off of you. “Just messing around, Pa.”
“I know.” He smiles. “But I let him sleep over so you two could get to work early.”
“We’ll go to bed, sir.” You say, sitting up. “Sorry if we were being loud.”
“Just get your showers and get in bed, boys.” He turns to you. “We milk our cattle early, up by four.”
You nod. “Yes, sir.”
Pa Kent gives one last fatherly point before he closes the door and his footsteps creak over the floor towards his and Ma Kent’s room.
Clark tosses you a towel, hitting you square in the head as he giggles. “You can go first.”
You stand, giving his shoulder a light shove as you grab your backpack and disappear into the hall. Clark giggles to himself, just happy Pa agreed to let you stay the night to help with farmwork over the weekend. He flips through his homework packet, trying to find the energy to actually read the questions. He doesn’t. It’s Friday, his best friend is staying over, math homework can wait. He tosses the packet onto his desk, writing a note to do it on Sunday. With any luck, his developing super-speed applies to his math processing too.
When Clark looks up, he nearly jumps out of his skin. He can see you. His x-ray vision has slipped before and he’s been practicing his control on it, but it’s never caused him to glance up and see his best friend naked. Not just naked either, naked with water dripping over your skin and absolutely no limbs obstructing his view of your hanging dick.
Clark’s face turns bright red and he slaps his hands over his eyes. His skin has turned hot and his heart is beating a mile a minute. Sure, he’s been in a locker room with you and you’ve used urinals around each other but he’s never got such a full frontal in his life, there’s always been a wall or arm or folding pants in the way. Clark takes deep breaths, trying not to think, but when he looks back in the direction his eyes peer through without control. His breath hitches, he nearly chokes, watching your hands run over your dick. It's just scrubbing, just washing, but Clark’s mind wanders to images of you alone in your bedroom and he has to bury his face into the pillows of his bed to get his head back.
He’s sweating, face hidden in his pillow as he tries to breathe. He shouldn’t think about his best friend like that, he shouldn’t even be able to see you through the stupid walls. When Clark catches his breath and shifts to sit up, he freezes. The cotton of his boxers rubbing with the rough denim of his jeans, all making sparks of sensitivity shoot down to his toes by shifting against his now hard dick. Clark wants to scream. He just got hard at the mere thought and sight of his best friend touching himself.
The water shuts off and Clark scrambles to grab his stuff, holding it in front of himself as you walk out. His heart skips as you do, your hair still a bit wet and the pajamas clinging to your body from only just being put on.
You stop, looking at him strangely. “Uh, you okay?”
Clark nods, trying to hide his flushed face. “Mhm, yeah, just really need the shower.”
He rushes past you, disappearing into the hall. He closes the bathroom door behind him, breathing heavily as he tries to clear his head again. When the thoughts remain, Clark turns the water on cold and closes his eyes. The water washes over him, helping his erection die down in the icey temperature.
#clark kent#superman#dc comics#clark kent x reader#clark kent x male reader#superman x reader#superman x male reader#dc comics x reader#dc comics x male reader#x reader#x male reader
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