#access to so i had to walk all the way back to campus & treated myself to a yummy horchata hehehe

[freesomebodybyluna]

Diary time!!!

[cactus-stories]

Can you please write some headcannons of the Obey Me boys with a disabled MC that needs help getting dressed/eating/ect? Preferably with the brothers, but if you add Simeon and Barbatos that'd be pretty rad! I really like your writing! :))

Lucifer + Simeon + Barbatos with a disabled MC

Hey bb, thanks for the request! I myself am not disabled per say but I do have some health issues that used to make it impossible for me to do almost anything with my hands, so this one, even if not exactly the same situation, hits close to home, so I'll do my best!! I hope you enjoy it ^^

°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°•☆•°

LUCIFER:

In the beggining, he used to question if you were the best choice for the exchange program. It's nothing against you, but he did bring it up to Diavolo! Do they have the needed resources to keep you here? Who would be your caretaker when needed? My man is bringing up everything that could go wrong.

But once he laid his eyes on you, and you noticed how you smiled back sweetly, ignoring the fact that most of the school didn't have ramps, or how most of the teachers had no idea how to deal with your disability, he decided to GET TO WORK.

Lucifer brought up any difficulties you could be having with Diavolo, be it giving you extra time on tests, making sure you could move around the campus freely, keeping anyone they didn't trust away from you. You could complain about the most minor thing and he'd be bringing it up with the school council in a heartbeat.

Despite the pile of work he already has, he decided to be your primary caregiver, helping you get dressed in the mornings, making sure you packed your lunch and had a healthy breakfast, he'd even stay at some of your classes to check how the teachers were treating you and how you were holding up!

The sense of pride he gets when he takes care of you gives him an ego boost like nothing else. He'd offer you a space in his study so you can do your homework as you guys chat, him stopping his paperwork to help you out whenever needed, sharing snacks and just enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of it all.

He finds your conversations to be the most enjoyable, always listening to your advice and earning to know your opinion on any topics he can think of.

OK SO I AM SO SORRY BUT MY TUMBLR CRASHED AND I LOST THE WHOLE BROTHERS THING LMAO I am not in a good place to write it all over again and I don't remember everything SO I'm doing Simeon and Barbatos instead B) plz keep in mind that I've never written for them tho

SIMEON:

Diavolo and Lucifer decided that it would be better to place you on Purgatory Hall, since they have more space there, and also more free time, since the ones living there aren't part of he school counsil.

Simeon instantly decided to take you under his wing, your room right next to his, and he has no problem taking care of anything you'd need. Clothes? He can do it easily, he used to dress Luke up all the time! Helping you eat? Sure, he'd love to!

He's, quite literally, an absolute angel, helping you with cooking duty, walking to and from school right at your side, pairing up with you on projects so he can make sure it'll go smoothly. With him making the physical part and your brains, you guys are sure to get an A+.

Luke absolutely loves you too, which makes him a package deal, if Simeon is helping you wih something, like eating or cleaning your room, he's right next to him, asking how he can help, distracting you when you get frustrated, and even giving you extra blessings so you'll have a good day!

Purgatory House is a lively place, and Simeon makes sure to make it accessible to you the best way he can! Ramps, rails, open spaces if you need a wheelchair to get by, he's even got Luke and Solomon to reorganize the furniture so you'd be more comfortable getting to places.

Sometimes he shows you his writting, asking if you can proofread it for him. He takes your ideas into consideration and absolutely trusts you to be honest if you don't like something. Would probably add some characters with disabilities and go to you for advice on how to write them properly.

BARBATOS:

Oh, sweetheart, taking care of people is, quite literally, his job. He was really interested in spending time with the human transfer student, so imagine his surprise when Diavolo appointed him to take care of you.

Would do his best to accomodate to your needs, his room is full of stairs, so you guys usually don't hang out there that much. He probably has experience dressing people, working for royalty and such, so he does it fairly quickly.

When he's off work, you guys have some nice afternoon tea, trying a different one every time and pairing them with nice pastries made by yours truly. He explains to you how he makes each and every one of them, asking what you think of them and taking mental notes of what you like.

Speaking of pastries, Barbatos loves having you around while he's cooking. You guys can talk for hours and you find out your sense of humour is pretty simmilar, which makes you one of the few people in Devildom that knows how to make Barbatos laugh.

If you're ever self-conscious about your situation, Barbatos will quite plainly remind you of who he works for. "Trust me, MC, you're the easiest person I have to deal with by far". If it doesn't make you smile, then he makes sure to sprinkle in a few embarassing stories from when Diavolo was younger, his cooking classes with Luke and the many shenanigans Beel gets himself into just for a bit of his food.

A 10/10 caretaker overall, probably the best one in the whole Devildom.

[tradgicworks]

Heartfelt: P-2 Heavy Meddle

Anna Hjarta finds herself as the sole witness of a strange disappearance. She decides to help find the missing student, despite how much her academy wants to keep it a secret.

WORD COUNT - 6030

Fast paced heavy metal music blared out of Anna’s headphones. Her short dirty-blonde hair bobbed up and down to the fast paced rhythm. Her grey-blue colored eyes scanned the floor as she picked up any trash that was left behind. She brushed her bangs out of her face revealing a faint scar that ran from her left cheekbone all the way through her left brow. Her music was interrupted by the ringtone of her phone. She tapped her phone and answered the call.

“Yeah?” Anna asked as she continued picking up trash.

“Hey, Anna,” Another volunteer’s voice responded. “I finished up where I’m at. Everyone else is done too, we’re gonna head back for today.”

“Cool. I got the keys with me, I’ll finish here then head back myself. You guys have a good night.”

“Don’t overdo it Anna. Goodnight,” The volunteer said before hanging up the phone.

Her music roared back to life. Anna sighed as she looked at her nearly full trash bag. She pulled down her headphones and turned them off. She laid the bag on the floor and swept the remaining bits of trash into the bag with her leg. She tied the bag up and carried it to the dump.

Despite the academy’s strict rules, disobedience was inevitable- especially the week before winter break. For some reason or another, the academy had a policy of having Juniors and Seniors take their finals early. This was done in order to “encourage the active pursuit of future academic endeavors”. Most students took it as a chance to apply to college, scholarships, or internships. While others treated it as an early vacation or an excuse to party in secret. The abandoned auditorium especially was a hotspot for delinquents. Due to the lack of manpower the academy could not afford to routinely survey the theater during the last week of classes, their focus was on finishing up the preparations for the graduation ceremony after all. As such the troublemakers rebelled in relative comfort, often leaving huge messes. Ultimately, it would be up to the older students to take it upon themselves to volunteer and clean up the mess. Anna Hjarta included.

Anna heaved the trash bag into the dumpster and shut it closed. She took off her work-gloves with a satisfied look. Thunder faintly growled behind her. The sound of rain wafted into her ears.

“Mph,” She thought to herself as she checked her backpack. “I forgot my umbrella.”

Anna stuffed her headphones and gloves back into her bag. She glanced outside through a dirty window. The light of the campus walkway was barely visible through all the rain. Anna frowned and flipped a switch on the wall. The work lights that lined the halls of the auditorium blinked into darkness. Her body froze as she heard a shrill scream echo through the pitch black halls.

“Is someone there?” Anna called out in a hush tone.

She was met with silence.

The muffled sounds of teary cries for help crawled into her ears as she waited for a reply. She flipped the lights back on and ran towards the sound.

“Are you okay?!” She yelled out while trying to find the source of the struggle.

One last shriek rang out before being snuffed short. Anna found herself at the doors of the theater. She tried to open them but felt a strange resistance hold them shut. She slammed against them until they finally swung open. She shook her phone and its flashlight turned on. She found herself in the empty theater, the draped curtains fluttering softly. She surveyed the room in confusion and let out a deep sigh after searching for a few moments.

“I need more sleep,” She muttered.

Anna turned around and began to head back towards the dorms. Her shoe kicked against something and sent it gliding across the floor. She flashed her light at it and noticed a sparkle in the corner of her eye. She walked towards it and picked it up. In her fingers was a small golden bangle bracelet.

“Devoted to our pride and joy, Sophie,” Anna read out the cursive that was written across the back of the bracelet.

. . .

Anna flinched awake to the blare of her phone’s alarm. She sat up and looked at her surroundings groggily. Articles of old clothes laid scattered all across the floor. Her desk was stacked high with medical textbooks- some open, almost all riddled with sticky notes. Her bag hung from the door knob with Sophie’s bracelet attached to it by the zipper.

Anna slowly got out of bed. She walked to the bathroom and began to brush her teeth. When she finished she rinsed out her mouth and splashed some water on her face. She looked in the mirror, her scar had become an ugly streak that burned through her face. She traced it lightly with her fingers and frowned. She pulled out a small makeup bag from underneath her vanity. Layer after layer, she applied makeup on her scar until it returned to the faint seam that it was before. She gave a slight smile as she observed her handiwork. The academy’s morning announcements buzzed to life as she finished up.

“Good Morning, students,” Dr. Ward’s, the headmaster, soothing voice called out. “Yesterday’s rain proved to be heavier than was originally forecasted. Be careful when going between classes as staff have reported significant amounts of mud from the downpour. Furthermore, yesterday also marked the most amount of curfew violations in the academy’s history. A fact that brings me much disappointment. The students who violated the curfew will be called to my office to receive a punishment. You know who you are and you will be contacted privately. Let this serve as a reminder to the rest of the student body that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated again. Now, for today’s agenda…” Dr. Ward began reading out the remainder of the dull announcements.

Anna put away her makeup bag. Her phone began to buzz. She picked it up and read the screen.

“Anna Hjarta. Please report to Dr. Ward’s office at-” Anna raised a brow.

She threw on the cleanest uniform she could find and grabbed her bag as she walked out the door.

. . .

The headmaster’s office was built at the highest point of the campus. Curved stairs lead up to the main entrance. A ramp sloped downwards and cut through the middle of the stairs, allowing access into the library on the bottom floor. Colorful flowers and well maintained shrubs all sprinkled with water droplets from the rain decorated the entrance. Anna made her way to the headmaster's office.

“Excuse me,” She said as she walked inside.

Dr. Ward’s office was incredibly organized. Her large desk was filled with papers- all stacked into neat piles. Two bookshelves filled with all sorts of books, awards, and gifts stood behind her. On the wall was a display case with a beautiful ceremonial dagger stored inside. Behind her was a large window that allowed for a majestic view of the entire campus.

“Anna,” Dr. Ward smiled. “Have a seat.”

“You wanted to see me?” Anna said as she sat down.

“Yes, I did. I wanted to see you and Eva,” Dr. Ward gestured at Eva who sat in the chair next to Anna.

Dr. Ward sat down and opened her laptop. The door to her office swung open and a tall warden walked in with a cup of coffee.

“Thank you, Caroline,” Dr. Ward smiled as she set down the cup.

Caroline replied with a curt nod. Her green eyes were locked into a permanent glare. Her brunette hair was tied into a tight bun. She wore the Warden's uniform which consisted of combat boots, neatly pressed pants, a long sleeved button up shirt with a tie, and a blocky hat. Caroline specifically, wore a small badge and a large coat over her shoulders like a cloak as an imposing way of signifying her position of authority amongst the Wardens.

“I have been informed that both of you entered the dorms after the curfew, is that correct?” Dr. Ward asked while quickly typing.

“That’s correct,” Anna said casually.

“Yup,” Eva clicked her tongue.

“Hmm,” Dr. Ward glanced at the two before continuing to type. “Would you mind enlightening me over why you entered the dorms so late?”

“Lost track of time,” Eva said.

“I was helping clean up the auditorium, my group was scheduled for yesterday and I stayed after to finish up. I ended up getting caught in the rain though,” Anna explained.

“I see,” Dr. Ward said as she typed. "Was there anyone else with you, Anna?"

“There shouldn't have been, everyone else went back early. I only stayed after because I had the keys.”

“Did you notice anything strange on your way back?" Dr. Ward asked.

“What do you mean by strange...?” Anna asked slowly.

“Yesterday there was some unexpected interference with the academy’s security system. Given how many students disobeyed the curfew, I wanted to make sure that no one was up to any mischief while some of the cameras were offline,” Dr. Ward drank from her coffee.

“No, not really. I mean I can’t even think of anyone crazy enough to be out in that rain on purpose,” Anna shrugged.

“You can never be too sure,” Dr. Ward pushed up her glasses.

“Well, actually, there was one thing,” Anna grabbed the bangle bracelet from her bag and held it towards Dr. Ward. “I found this.”

Dr. Ward grabbed it and investigated it. Her face tensed slightly as she read the back of it. She handed it to Caroline who didn’t react.

“Where did you find this?” Dr. Ward glanced up at Anna with a smile, but her eyes turned cold and empty.

Both Anna and Eva shifted uncomfortably at the unusual look in Dr. Ward’s eyes.

“The theater,” Anna replied.

Dr. Ward glanced at Caroline who quickly nodded in reply and walked out of the office.

“Something wrong?” Eva asked with slight meekness.

Dr. Ward’s eyes brightened to her usual comforting shine. “No, nothing is wrong. I am just upset that your more rebellious peers are still using the auditorium irresponsibly. Especially when we both know that they could be doing so much better.”

“I see,” Eva awkwardly replied.

Dr. Ward took a deep breath.

“Thank you ladies for providing some insight into what happened during the storm. Regardless of your intentions, the fact remains that both of you disobeyed the curfew. As such, you will be penalized. The school adheres to its strict guidelines after all and they must be enforced indiscriminately,” Dr. Ward took out two forms and began filling them out quickly.

“What do we have to do?” Anna asked.

“The two of you will be working as receptionists at the freshmen dorms,” Dr. Ward handed a filled out form to Anna and Eva each. “Take these to the front office of the dorm. They’ll give you everything you need and tell you what to do from there. You may leave now,” Dr. Ward instructed before returning her attention to work.

Anna and Eva walked towards the door.

“Oh, and one more thing,” Dr. Ward called out to them as they opened the door. “Try not to get into any more trouble,” She said with a gentle smile.

. . .

Anna’s gaze lingered on the empty hallways. She leaned over the receptionist counter, her cheek resting in her palm. Eva, who sat beside her, groaned and put her feet up on the counter. Anna glanced at her with annoyance.

“Stop that,” Anna said.

“What? My shoes aren’t dirty,” Eva replied.

Dried up mud crumbled onto the counter.

“Not that dirty at least,” Eva yawned.

“It’s just rude to the janitors who have to clean that up,” Anna’s gaze hardened.

“Sheesh, calm down. A little dirt won’t kill anyone. What are you some sort of neat freak?” Eva replied matter-of-factly.

“No,” Anna looked at Eva in her eyes. “I just don’t like dirt.”

Eva put her feet down and sat up straight.

“What do you mean by that?” Her eyes narrowed.

The two stared at each other. Anna grabbed a napkin and cleaned the dirt off of the counter.

“What else would it mean?” She glanced at Eva’s shoes.

“Fine, my bad for bringing in dirty shoes,” Eva took her shoes off the counter. “Sue me.”

“Thank you,” Anna nodded curtly before kneeling down to clean up the dirt.

“You’re a real bleeding heart you know,” Eva commented looking down at her.

Anna didn’t respond, she simply continued until the mess was clean.

Eva looked at her for a few moments before she gave up and went back to playing on her phone.

Anna crumbed up the napkin and threw it into a trashcan. The sound of loud banging erupted from the front doors as it fell in.

“Let me in!” A desperate voice yelled from outside.

“She’s going to break the freaking doors-” Eva growled and stood up.

She quickly walked towards the doors and swung them open just as Gwyneth was about to knock again.

“What are you doing?” Eva grit her teeth.

“Thank you-!” Gwyneth barely got the words in before trying to push her way into the dorms.

“What are you doing?!” Eva roared and shoved her back outside.

“Please- Y-You don’t understand. I need to get in I-” Gwyneth choked on her words. “Please, please, just let me in!”

“No way, you psycho!” Eva barred her from entering.

“Calm down, you’re hurting her,” Anna ran beside her and tugged on her shoulder.

“The hell I am! I’m just stopping her from getting through the door-'' Eva glanced at Gwyneth’s face. “Oh, it's you.”

Eva looked at Gwyneth’s wrists, faint bruise marks were beginning to form.

“Oh,” Eva’s frown grew annoyed.

“That’s why I told you to relax,” Anna pulled Eva behind her and looked at Gwyneth.

“Please let me in!” Gwyneth pleaded.

“Sure,” Anna grabbed her wrists gently. “But first we’re going to take care of this.”

“There’s no time I really have to-” Gwyneth said in between panicked breaths.

“There’s no option, either you come in and I help with the bruising or you don’t come in at all,” Anna gave her a stern look.

“O-Okay, but please hurry!” Gwyneth’s breathing relaxed before she exclaimed.

“I will,” Anna led her inside and behind the receptionist desk.

“Are you crazy? You’re going to take the person who tried to break into the dorms seriously?” Eva exclaimed.

“She wouldn’t be this panicked if it wasn’t for a good reason,” Anna sat Gwyneth down and looked for a first aid kit.

“Wow, I was spot on about that bleeding heart thing huh?” Eva groaned. “What if she’s here to cause trouble or stalk some helpless freshman girl?”

“You really think poorly of people you know,” Anna commented as she prepared an ice bag.

“I’m realistic,” Eva huffed.

“You’re paranoid. All I see is someone in need,” Anna kneeled in front of Gwyneth and pressed the ice bag against her wrist.

“And that’s all you need to be at their beck and call?” Eva sneered.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Anna glared at her.

Eva could only reply with an equally furious look.

“I-I’m not here to hurt anyone,” Gwyneth said meekly. “I’m here to- ah” She squeaked as Anna moved the ice bag to her other wrist.

“I’m worried about my friend, her name is Sophie,” Gwyneth said.

Eva tensed a little upon hearing Sophie’s name.

“What about your friend?” Eva grunted.

“I think she’s in trouble.” Gwyneth said sheepishly.

“No way,” Eva waved her hand dismissively. “The academy’s got security like a prison. If she was in trouble she would have been helped out by one of the Wardens.”

“I know, but I’ve called her so many times and she hasn’t responded once. She didn’t show up to our breakfast meet up and last night she seemed really worried about something,” Gwyneth said, her words growing more frantic.

“Well, maybe you’re just overthinking it,” Eva said apathetically.

“What’s your problem?” Anna glanced at her in a mix of anger and shock.

She turned towards Gwyneth and started wrapping bandages around her wrists. “Why are you so sure she’s in trouble?” Anna asked calmly.

“Sophie’s not like this. She always answers her calls, she's a polite and cheery person. She’s full of optimism and hope and she always does her best to help others. I’ve never seen her act so depressed before, so… docile. I just know something is wrong, it just doesn’t add up...” Gwyneth gazed at the floor.

“Pfft, talk about working off hunches,” Eva muttered.

“I agree,” Anna said as she finished tying her bandages.

“You do?!” Gwyneth and Eva said in unison, relief and surprise in their voice respectively.

“You know the people close to you better than I do. If you really think something is wrong, you should do something about it before you regret not doing anything at all,” Anna stood up and held out her hand. “And I’ll be here to help.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you soooooo much!” Gwyneth leaped up and hugged Anna tightly.

“Woah, okay, okay, I’m just glad I can help,” Anna chuckled. “She’s really soft.” She said towards Eva.

“And I care why?” Eva shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re helping her. What do you even want Gwy- uh... Girl?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Gwyneth let go of Anna. “My name’s Gwyneth, I’m a Sophomore.”

“I’m Anna, a Junior,” Anna replied.

“Eva, same,” Eva mumbled. “So what do you want?”

“I-” Gwyneth paused. “I was planning on visiting Sophie’s room and checking up on her.”

“What floor is she on?” Anna asked.

“Third floor, room 309,” Gwyneth replied.

“Cool, let’s go,” Anna grabbed the master key from behind the counter and headed up the stairs. “You coming, Grinch?” She asked Eva as she stopped on the first step.

“Screw you,” Eva spat before following suit.

. . .

The freshmen dorms were not the nicest on campus, mostly due to how old the building itself was. The steps led up to a view of the many hallways on each floor. Rows and rows of evenly spaced doors lined the walls. Occasional break and study rooms broke the monotony of the layout. Framed paintings of previous headmasters and photographs of the academy’s history dotted the free spaces on the wall. On the opposite end, stood an identical set of stairs leading into the floor below. Anna, Eva, and Gwyneth stepped into the third floor. Gwyneth walked ahead of them and led them to Sophie’s dorm.

“We’re here,” Anna stated as they stood in front of room 309.

Gwyneth stepped forward and knocked on the door.

“Sophie, are you there? It’s me, Gwen,” She called out.

There was no reply.

“Sophie?” She knocked again.

“She’s probably just asleep,” Eva commented.

“At six in the evening?” Anna raised a brow.

“You’d be surprised at how many people hit the hay early,” Eva yawned.

“She’s not answering,” Gwyneth turned towards them.

“Hmm, let me try,” Anna knocked on the door a little rougher than Gwyneth. “Sophie, are you in there?”

The door creaked open on her last knock.

“You broke it,” Eva scoffed.

“It just happened on its own,” Anna replied with a tinge of panic.

“Well, no use crying over it now,” Eva swung open the door and gestured for them to walk in. “After ya’ll.”

They all entered the room. Eva flicked on the light switch and the ceiling lamp hummed to a faint light. Comfy looking bed sheets sat as a messy pile on an unmade bed. The cabinets held half open drawers filled with thrown-about clothes. Makeup, perfume, accessories, and other knick-knacks once neatly organized on the shelves laid scattered across the floor. A torn apart sheet music book with ripped out pages leaned limply against a violin. Gwyneth’s gaze lingered on a corkboard that hung above her drawer. Pictures of Gwyneth and Sophie spending time together were pinned on to it. Dumb drawings that Gwyneth made in a silly attempt of explaining some of her favorite controversies were displayed like badges of honor. The letter she wrote for Sophie’s birthday was neatly held by tiny styrofoam stars. A calendar filled with pretty handwritten notes was to the left of all of that. “Dinner with Gwyneth, yay!” was circled in red marker.

“What a mess,” Eva murmured.

“It looks like someone tore up the place,” Anna said quietly.

“Sophie…” Gwyneth whimpered as she walked to the corkboard and traced her fingers over the memorabilia.

“We need to report this to the principal,” Anna said as she glanced at Gwyneth’s worried face.

“Agreed, the way this room is torn up is way too sketchy,” Eva let out a deep sigh. “The academy seems to be slipping in more ways than one.”

“That’s ominous,” Anna commented.

“Just saying, the schools vow of security ain’t looking so secure right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are other dorms where just about anybody can break into them,” Eva opened the closet. “We could have a real case for false advertising on our hands-” Eva’s words were snuffed into violent chokes.

A woman stepped out of the closet. Her dark gray colored eyes shone with a strange intensity. She held Eva by the neck, nearly lifting her off the ground. Gwyneth shrieked as she grabbed something to defend herself with. Anna hopped over the bed and slammed herself against the woman. The woman grunted in pain as she let go of Eva and struggled to keep her balance. Eva coughed in heavy breaths. The woman took a step forward ready to attack Anna, only to have a stapler thrown against her face by Gwyneth.

“You. Effing. Creep,” Eva yelled in a horse voice.

Eva kicked at the woman’s legs before she could retaliate and tripped her onto the ground. The woman fell with a hearty thud and her body went limp. Eva raised her foot to stomp her face but was stopped by Anna’s hand.

“What are you doing?! You’re going to kill her!” Anna screamed.

“Oh, do not make excuses for the panty stealing weirdo hiding in a sixteen year old’s closet- she deserved this!” Eva yelled back.

“But, she’s already knocked out!” Anna pushed her leg out of the way. “So, we stop!”

“Fine, Goldilocks. Have it your way, but I’m not helping you if she gets up and starts choke slamming you,” Eva rubbed her shin. “Damn, that hurt. Her legs felt like they were made out of steel.”

“W-Who is she anyways and where did you two learn to fight like that?“ Gwyneth asked.

“I kinda just threw myself at her,” Anna said matter-of-factly.

“Kickboxing is a hobby,” Eva replied. “As for the mystery woman…” Eva took out her phone and turned on its flashlight.

The light shone over the face of a Warden. The three of them stared in silence as the realization dawned upon them.

“We are so screwed,” Eva murmured with a deathly serious tone.

“WE KNOCKED A WARDEN UNCONSCIOUS?!” Gwyneth screamed.

“Shut up!” Eva put her hand over Gwyneth’s mouth. “Do you want the whole dorm to know?!”

“I-It’s fine, we can just explain to the principal what happened. T-That this was all just one big misunderstanding,” Anna said in a slightly shaky voice as she sat the Warden up as best as she could

“Oh yeah, sure, and she can kindly explain how many years in prison we’re gonna serve for assaulting a freaking police officer,” Eva gave a panicked chuckle.

“I don’t want to go to jail,” Gwyneth whimpered.

“No effing dur, girly,” Eva commented.

“Calm down, both of you. Worse comes to worst I can just-” Anna started before being cut off by the sound of a radio.

“Warden 06, can you hear me?” A staticky voice called from the Warden’s breast pocket.

Anna, Eva, and Gwyneth looked at each other. Gwyneth gestured to Anna to give her the radio. Anna tossed into her hands and she began to fiddle with it. After a few seconds she held the button to reply. White noise poured out of the radio.

“Warden 06, there seems to be some interference on your end. Do you read me?” The voice asked again.

Gwyneth tilted the radio downwards. The white noise became more chaotic.

“Warden 06, do you read-” The voice got cut off before changing into a deeper, colder, voice. “Warden 06, you are to cease your search of the target’s dorm. We have narrowed down the location of Sophie Dives to the auditorium. Rendezvous there ASAP. Failure to do so will be met with severe punishment.”

The radio went completely silent. Gwyneth took out the batteries and took a shaky breath.

“Sophie’s in the auditorium?” Gwyneth whispered.

“From the sound of it, it looks like they were trying to keep it a secret too,” Eva commented.

“I knew it,” Anna muttered.

“What?” Gwyneth asked.

“Last night, when I was cleaning up the auditorium I heard a scream. I tried to follow it, but by the time I got to the theater all I found was a bracelet with Sophie’s name on the back of it,” Anna stood up. “I think something happened to her.”

“Why didn’t you bring this up before?” Gwyneth frowned.

“Because I thought it was just a coincidence,“ Anna’s face softened. “We have to tell Dr. Ward, if she knows that the Warden’s are acting out of line she might be able to stop them.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but the Warden’s are on the CCPD’s payroll- not the headmaster’s. I doubt they give two craps about what she wants,” Eva said.

“What other option do we have then?” Anna asked.

“We have to go and help her ourselves,” Gwyneth said with a serious tone.

“Are you crazy? She’s being hunted down by the Wardens right now, y’know like actual highly trained cops. On top of that, they’re on high alert, if they find us they’ll rip us to shreds,” Eva furrowed her brow.

“Not exactly,” Gwyneth turned towards her. “I’ve heard rumors that because of all the curfew violations yesterday the headmaster is pissed off at all the Wardens. She wants to make sure that not a single student misses it tonight. Me thinks- I think that they won’t head to the auditorium until after curfew. It gives us some time to break in.”

“You really believe those stupid overblown rumors? Give me a break, they’ll have Wardens posted all over the auditorium,” Eva groaned.

Anna walked to the curtains and opened them up. A view of the auditorium bathed in the light of the setting sun appeared with not a single soul in sight.

“Are you sure about that?” Anna said with a tiny jeer.

“Screw you,” Eva looked away and scratched her head.

“We don't have much time," Anna looked at her phone. "Curfews in three hours. If we're going to help Sophie, we should move now."

"You're still going to help?" Gwyneth asked.

"Of course, it doesn't sit well with me to stay still when someone needs help. Besides, who knows what the Wardens will do to her if one of them was ready to strangle us to death," Anna explained.

"Thank you," Gwyneth said quietly

Anna and Gwyneth looked at Eva who thought in silence. After a few moments she spoke.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that she's in danger, but yeah, the sooner we find her the better," Eva said curtly.

"I really thought you would say no," Gwyneth said with a slightly stunned face.

"Don't act like you know how I think," Eva scoffed.

"Well, we better head out then. Let's go close up the receptionist's booth first," Anna said as she walked out of the dorm.

"Ever the worrywart," Eva grumbled.

. . .

Day began to bleed into night by the time they arrived at the auditorium. The weathered down entrance was chained and locked shut by a simple key lock.

“They locked it,” Anna stated bluntly.

“I guess this really means that Sophie is in here,” Gwyneth said with a worried face.

“Well she won’t be trapped here for long,” Eva said as she took out some of the bobby pins that held up her hair and kneeled beside the floor.

“What are you doing?” Gwyneth asked.

“Picking the lock, duh,” Eva replied as she started unlocking the door and blew some of her loose hair out of her face.

“Where did you learn that?” Anna asked.

“Would you believe me if I said daycare?” Eva turned around with a smirk as the lock clicked open. “We’re in.”

“Follow me,” Anna walked into the auditorium and towards the theater.

The work lights from the day before stood in the exact same spot. Anna turned them on, lighting the auditorium with a musty light. The three walked at a brisk pace while still scanning each room they came across, before turning towards the theater. Anna opened the door and looked at the rows of dimly lit seats.

“The only place I didn’t check yesterday was backstage,” Anna said as she made her way down the stairs and climbed onto the stage.

“This place gives me the creeps,” Eva muttered as she read the scratches on the podium.

Anna walked in between the curtains and into the dark backstage. She turned on her flashlight. Old props and backgrounds littered the floor. Rusting clothing racks filled with forgotten costumes loitered throughout the backstage. A large grandfather clock leaned against boxes stacked up high. The word “John” was painted onto it, it’s time was stuck at 3:13 PM.

“Wow, it's a whole lot of nothing,” Eva said loudly as she leaned against the grandfather clock.

“We at least have to try to look for her,” Anna said as she started searching the mess.

“But, there really is nothing here, Anna,” Gwyneth said sadly.

“We don’t have much time left either,” Eva glanced at her watch. “We should just head back and try again tomorrow before they catch us and we can’t try at all,” She looked at Anna, her long hair fluttering slightly in a soft breeze.

“Yeah... good idea,” Anna said with a slightly dejected tone before turning towards Eva. “What’s wrong with your hair?” Anna asked suddenly.

“What? I was too lazy to tie it back up after picking the lock,” Eva replied dismissively.

“No, why is it moving,” Anna asked again before walking towards the grandfather clock herself.

She felt around it looking for the source of the breeze. Eventually she found a small crack in the wall. Cold air trickled out of it slowly.

“Help me move this thing,” Anna said towards Eva and Gwyneth as she started trying to move the grandfather clock out of the way.

“This is heavy,” Gwyneth panted as she pushed as hard as she could.

“Just push,” Eva commented as she led the clock onto the floor. “Now what?” Eva asked Anna.

Anna picked up a broken off leg of a chair from the floor and smashed it against the crack. The wall crumbed into wet clumps of drywall that revealed the entrance to a tunnel.

“A tunnel?” Anna murmured.

“You are amazing at breaking things, y’know that,” Eva said blankly.

“D-Do you think that Sophie could be in there?” Anxiety lumped in Gwyneth’s voice.

“If this was a horror movie, sure, but to me that just looks like an effing death trap,” Eva shifted uncomfortably.

“We have to check,” Anna took a deep breath before stepping inside.

“Are you crazy?!” Eva grabbed her arm. “We have no idea where that leads, if there’s anything even in there or if there’s even a way out.”

“Where else could she be if the Wardens couldn’t even find her?” Anna tugged her arm away from Eva’s grasp.

“I don’t know, but I’m not gonna risk my life to find out,” Eva crossed her arms.

Anna’s breaths stiffened. She glared at Eva who returned the gesture.

“I-” Anna opened her mouth before being interrupted by the muffled echo of classical music.

“Nocturne op.9 No.2, Sophie’s favorite song. She set it as her ringtone…” Anna and Eva turned to face Gwyneth.

She clutched her phone close to her, she had dialed Sophie’s number while they were arguing.

Eva looked into the tunnel. Its jagged walls seemed like they were cut into the building itself. Drops of a mysterious liquid fell onto the floor with an unnerving pitter-patter. The end of the tunnel remained a mystery as it curved into an unknown depth.

“Still not doing it,” Eva swallowed nervously.

“Fine, you can stay out here. I’m going,” Anna steeled herself as she turned on her flashlight.

“Me too-” Gwyneth said as she took a step forward.

Her voice skipped into a shriek of terror. Anna and Eva turned around to see Caroline holding Gwyneth up by her hair.

“Warden 06 was right, there were some rats in the theater after all,” Caroline leered.

Anna sprinted past Eva and tried to help Gwyneth only to get kicked in the stomach. She fell onto the floor and curled up into a ball as she clutched her burning stomach.

“Let me go!” Gwyneth shrieked and tried to kick herself free.

Caroline swiftly jabbed her in the abdomen before dropping her. Gwyneth gasped as air escaped her lungs.

“And you?” Caroline turned towards Eva, her eyes glowing an ethereal dark green.

Eva looked at Anna and Gwyneth whimpering on the floor. Her face hardened.

“They didn’t deserve that,” Eva grit her teeth as she raised her fists.

“Hmm,” Caroline stepped over the two and towards Eva with her hands behind her back. “But Miss Sophie did?”

“Don’t act like you know everything, you crap shoveling pig!” Eva yelled as she jabbed at Caroline.

Caroline caught her first and pulled her close before headbutting her. The strength of the blow forced Eva onto her knees.

“Oh, Eva,” Caroline said in a condescending tone and got closer to her. “We know everything,” She whispered.

Caroline pulled back her fist. Eva sluggishly looked upwards, unable to move. She closed her eyes as Caroline swung at her face.

"You’re not hurting her anymore," Anna's shaky voice said.

Eva opened her eyes to see Anna holding Caroline's shoulder back to stop her from punching her.

"How persistent," Caroline said in an unamused tone as she elbowed Anna in her side.

To her surprise Anna didn't budge.

"You have no idea," Anna grunted as she stomped on the back of Caroline's knee.

Caroline hollorred in pain as she crumbled onto her knees.

"Take Gwyneth into the tunnel!" Anna screamed, struggling to hold Caroline down.

Eva looked at Anna stunned at how much she was fighting back. She groggily stood onto her feet.

"Hurry up and go!" Anna yelled again.

Eva's face burned into a furious frown. She closed her fist and grit her teeth before punching Caroline’s face with the full force of her body.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Eva roared as her fist collided with Caroline.

Anna let go of Caroline with barely enough time to evade the blow. Caroline held her bloodied nose as she struggled to move.

"Come on, Goldilocks," Eva said as she leaned Gwyneth on her shoulder.

Anna quickly grabbed Gwyneth's other shoulder. The two limped into the tunnel as fast as they could. Waves of frigid air poured out of the cracks of the tunnel as it curved deeper and deeper into darkness. The ground under their feet morphed from concrete to something squishy and wet. A sense of dread creeped down Anna's neck as the air became thinner. Sophie's ringtone distorted and echoed into noise before suddenly extinguishing into a deafening silence.

"Eva, can you see anything?" Anna asked loudly, her voice reverberating in her ears.

"I can't see shi-" Eva yelled in reply before suddenly screaming out of panic.

Anna felt the ground underneath her crumble into nothing. Her screams echoed endlessly as she plunged into absolute darkness.

[dragon-fics]

DOS: Scaly Little Bundle (Pet Dragon X Reader)

Chapter summary: You're a university student who's studying magic. You've been feeling pretty lonely since you've moved into your new apartment and so you thought you should get yourself a pet, a magical pet if you will.

The video that inspired this

(T/O/J)= Type Of Jacket (leather, fleece, denim etc)

(F/D)= Favourite Drink

(F/C)= Favourite Colour

(T/O/D)= Type Of Dragon (fire, ice, air/wind, water, earth, star, sun, moon, mudwing, sandwing, rainwing, Nightwing etc.)

(D/N)= Dragon Name

I've been feeling rather lonely since I've moved into my new apartment. And since I'm studying magic in my new university, I was thinking of adopting a magical creature, though of what type, I wasn't sure. So, I did some research on where best to go. And it turned out that there was a special pet shop about an hour away from where I lived. And so, I planned my trip to Lighthallow, the town with the pet shop in it, carefully, so I could travel to and from Lighthallow in good time... and so I didn't get lost.

My morning started with a bus ride to the nearest train station. Once I was there, I bought myself a return ticket and waited for my train. The sun shone brightly that morning as I waited on the platform. It warmed my face and skin as the cool breeze pulled at my (T/O/J) jacket. I pulled out my phone and had a look at the screenshot I had taken from the website of the pet shop. Its primary colours were black and violet. Its text was white. To the sides of the article, there were pictures of scaled eggs; eggs with flame-like markings on their shells; paw prints; and what looked to be a scrap of scales--perhaps fish scales; all the pictures were white. At the very top, there was a feathered wing, and a scaled wing, side by side as if they were part of the same creature. I was about to have another read through my screenshots when my train pulled up. I tucked away my phone and walked on to the train after it stopped.

Our trains are steam trains that spew out a glittery water vapour and the odd bubble or two. The carriages were also vintage-style. Most of the carriages were open carriages with broad seats on either side of the aisle that could fit two people comfortably. This morning's riders were mainly commuters, heading for work; the schools haven't started up yet so I would have guessed they were heading for work in their formal clothing. I sat down in one coach, laying my satchel on my lap. 

The train ride to Lighthallow was just under an hour long. I walked off of the train and sat in the train station. The light buzz of the air conditioning units filled the station. I looked at my phone and opened my digital map. I searched for the pet shop and it gave me directions. I sighed, disappointed; the shop was still far away. I rose to my feet and walked out of the station, conveniently there was a bus stop right outside of the train station. I glanced at the timetable; I had ten minutes until the next bus arrived. 

So, I went back inside to get myself a(n) (F/D). I waited inside the cool train station, looking up at one of the mainly LED filled screens in the station. This one told the people inside what bus would be outside soon, and mine was next. When the bus was about a hundred meters away, the board would say that the bus was outside, so you didn't have to stay in the freezing cold, or in today's case, the boiling heat. As soon as the screen said mine was here, I headed out and got my change ready for the bus. As I arrived at the edge of the concrete path, the bus pulled up.

After three stops, my stop was next. A few people got off on the same stop as me. I looked at my phone again, checking the map. I followed it until I stood in front of the shop. I looked up from my phone. The name of the shop was Magical Companions, written in white cursive font on the same black and violet background as the website. I tucked away my phone in my trouser pocket and walked inside. The door hit a bell on the ceiling as I entered the shop. The smell of animal food hit me before I saw anything. I walked inside the warmly lit shop. 

I looked around. In the middle of the room, there was a wire cage in the middle of the room, which was about 5 foot by 5 foot and it was about a meter off the ground. Inside the cage were four cosmic wolf pups. They were cyan, navy and white or magenta, black and white. One pup stood on its hind legs leaned on the wire cage. The pup barked twice, and the other three flashed white and teleported beside its sibling.

On the left side of the room, there were water tanks with tiny kraken the size of small octopi, hippocampus the size of small koi fish and sea serpents the size of eels. On the right side of the room, there were small wire cages with manticores the size of cats, jackalope and wolpertinger the size of rabbits, miniature amphitheres the size of bearded dragons, and miniature gryphons and hippogryphs the size of large house cats. Behind the cosmic wolf pups, there was another wire cage that held two hydras the size of collies, and another with three tiny qilins. At the very back, there was the shop counter, which had faded from a deep coffee to a pale beige in the middle. Under the counter, there were the scaled eggs and the flame-eggs from the website pictures. 

I lingered by the counter for a moment before turning around. One of the qilins cooed up at me. I petted it and then one hydra made a sound at me. I looked at the cage. One head of one hydra snapped its mouth shut at me, another head gurgled at me. It was a cute sound, so I gave it a pat too.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," came a voice. I jumped and spun around. There was a woman behind the counter with long, curly red hair dressed in earthy colours. On the counter, there was a miniature gryphon. "Y'know, with more than one head, they're hard to predict and they have more teeth to bite you with." I nodded quietly and came closer to the counter. "My name is Shela. What can I help you with today?" She asked, smiling brightly across the counter. 

"Well, I'm looking for a pet," I say. The miniature gryphon came closer to me, its black fur and feathers rubbed against my skin softly. Shela's smile got bigger.

"Well, you certainly came to the right place!" She said, placing her hands on her hips. "Do you know what type of Magical Companion are you looking for?" She asked. The gryphon on the counter looked up at me and meowed. "Don't listen to Lucifer, he doesn't speak for all gryphons," she said. 

"Well, the thing is, I'm not sure," I say looking around, "they all look so fascinating."

"Well, lucky for you my friend, I am perfectly prepared for this type of dilemma." She turned around and fetched a leather-covered book. She took a loose piece of white paper from the back of the book. "Please fill out this form," she said, taking a black feather from Lucifer's bunch of feathers around his neck, which made me flinch. He hissed at her as she dipped the shaft of the feather into the inkwell beside her. I took the feather and the sheet of paper. The form comprising things like my name, how I'd describe myself in three words, what I wanted from a pet, things like that. I handed Shela back the completed form and the feather. She looked at the form and then to the book in front of her. 

"All right, Mr/Miss (Y/N)," she said, putting down the page and scribbling something on it. "So, I've concluded, that you-- " she pointed her index finger at me with enthusiasm, "--are best suited for a dragon," she said. "of course, we don't keep live dragons here; they're hard to maintain and they don't get on with hydras and they are remarkably clingy." She grabbed a key from a hook behind the counter. "So, I will show you some dragon eggs and then I'll tell you about the dragon inside them," She explained. 

She pulled out four of the scaled eggs from beneath the counter. The dragon eggs were no bigger than newborn kittens. Immediately the (F/C) coloured egg drew my attention. "Do you feel drawn to one?" she asked, noticing my reaction.

"The (F/C) one," I said. 

"Ah, a(n) (T/O/D) dragon," Shela said. She then explained how the dragon's growth cycle would go, how big it would get and when it would access its elemental power. She told me on how best to take care of the dragon egg until it hatched, how to take care of the hatchling, what were the best foods to give it and what type of toys for it to play with--a laser pointer was one of the many suggested. Thankfully, the dragon hatchling wouldn't grow to be that big, only about the size of a house cat.

I left Magical Companions with two bags full to the brim with supplies to take care of the dragon egg and, later, the dragon hatchling. The (F/C) dragon egg was in a small protective box in my satchel. I walked to the bus stop, prepared my change for the bus driver and waited for the bus. I got home in the late afternoon, so I had plenty of time to set up the nest for the dragon egg. 

It took two weeks for the egg to hatch. And the hatchling was the same colour as its egg, (F/C). I called the hatchling (D/N). They were/He/She was just so cute to look at, but if I stared for too long, they/he/she would snap at me--they/he/she doesn't like attention. (D/N)'s nest is right beside my bed, though often enough they/he/she would try to make their/his/her way into my bed. I didn't mind; I liked their/his/her company and feeling their/his/her heat beside me.

(D/N) likes to glide around my apartment from time to time. They/he/she isn't the biggest fan of baths, so I have to feed them/him/her treats while they're/he/she is in the bath, so hopefully they/he/she will get used to baths soon. They/he/she also enjoys meeting my friends when I see them and they/he/she loves to sit on my shoulder as I walk around my apartment or when I walk around the university campus--it's the only place I take them/him/her. They/He/She has picked up on the people I dislike and often enough, while I'm walking around on campus, they/he/she will hiss at those people if they come near me, so that's fun. 

So far (D/N) has been eating lots and has been enjoying life in my apartment. They've/He/She has grown a few inches since they/he/she has hatched. (D/N) is due a checkup with Shela soon so let's hope they/he/she has learnt to play nice and will stay quiet in my bag while we travel back to Lighthallow.

[ericsonclan]

A Spooky Good Time

Summary: The group of friends spend Halloween together enjoying all the candy and movies that come with it.

Notes: This is chapter 19 of the Persona AU if you want to read more or start from the beginning click here

Read on A03:

Clementine couldn’t believe it. She had told her friends about her boyfriend before she had told Lee. Dreading the conversation, she rolled out of bed dragging her feet towards the dining room table.

“Morning. sweetpea,” Lee called out from behind the stove. The smell of bacon wafted through the air.

“Morning, Lee,” Clementine stifled a yawn as she sat down at the table across from her brother. It was only a few moments before a plate of breakfast appeared before her. Eggs, bacon and toast covered her plate. She began to dig in, her fork piling the food into her mouth. Clementine wanted to enjoy every last bite of the food, but her nerves made it hard to do so.

Lee seemed to pick up on it, pausing his eating and looking at his daughter. “Clem, is there something on your mind?” he asked, looking over at her with concern.

Clementine placed down her fork.She should just go for it.“There’s something that I need to tell you…” Clementine took a deep breath. “I’m dating someone. His name is Louis. You've seen him a few times when he’s dropped by.”

AJ looked up from his plate.“The guy with that big spider hair?”

Clementine chuckled, “It’s called dreadlocks,”

She turned her attention away from her brother, glancing over at Lee who seemed deep in thought. Slowly he lifted up his coffee. “I’m glad for you. He seems like a good kid,”

Her nervous expression was changed to one of shock at his words. She reached over for her orange juice, taking a long sip from it. He lifted the cup to his mouth, muffling his words. “ I’m seeing someone too.”

Clementine choked on her orange juice, hitting her chest a few times before she could give a response. “What the hell, Lee! When were you going to tell me?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” He gave a stern look back, but his eyes seemed playful.

“Well, who is she?” Clementine asked, leaning forward in her chair.

“Her name is Carley Porter. She’s a news reporter who was doing a piece on the university and we sort of just hit it off.” A gentle smile appeared on his lips at the memory.

Wait, I’ve heard that name before…

She was the reporter on the news station that had covered the first two cases that Clementine and her friends had been involved in.

“Hit it off?’ AJ asked, confusion overtaking his features. The eggs on his fork slipped off and landed on his plate.

“It’s a phrase that means you immediately get along with them,” Clementine responded, looking towards her father for further clarity.

“Well, I guess it makes sense that we did get along so well,” Lee started. “She reports the news of today, I report the news of the past. It just works.”

Clementine’s head was still trying to process all that just happened when her phone suddenly buzzed. Looking down, she noticed it was two texts from Louis to different group chats.

“Is that him?” Lee asked with a teasing smile. Clementine felt her face slightly blush at the words.

“I’m done, I’ll see you later after classes.” She slipped out before either of them could reply. Her class didn’t start for a while so she had time to check what Louis had sent.

L: Hey there! So thanks to the brilliance of Aasim and myself we came up with the wise idea to start two Discord servers. One will be for persona topics only and the other will be just for the daily chats with all you lovely people that we all enjoy so much.

Below his text was the link to get access to the server. Clementine switched to the second text and realized the reason for two servers Prisha was added to this group text. A warm smile covered her face; she was glad that they had thought to add her. It meant that they could still include her without worrying about spilling their secret. Quickly making a Discord account, she paused. What should her username be?

A proud smile pulled on the corners of her lips as she entered the answer. After a few minutes the two servers were added and she entered the non-persona one, fittingly named Team Fun. Entering the basic channel, she saw that she wasn’t the first one to arrive.

Sing-us-a-song: Welcome to Team Fun!

Knife2meetU: Why is it called team fun?

Aasim: I couldn’t come up with anything better so Louis named it.

Bro: I like it.

OrangeuGlad: wait we should do introductions. This is Clementine.

Sing-us-a-song: That’s a good idea! This is Louis. Love the username Clem.

Knife2meetU: Violet

OrangeuGlad: Thanks

Aasim: I’ll add an introduction channel to be safe in case we forget. So be sure to add your info.

Sing-us-a-song: Who’s Bro?

Bro: It’s Brody. I tried to add my full name cause I couldn’t think of a username but I forgot the last two letters and by then it was too late.

Aasim: You can change it.

Sing-us-a-song: No don’t! Your username is good

OrangeuGlad: I need to go - have class.

Clementine closed the app on her phone. Her class was all the way across campus so she needed to leave now if she was going to be on time. Her classes were just the same old same old. A very long lecture filled with lots and lots of notes that she had to take, causing her hand to cramp up. As soon as she had a break she opened up the Discord again. Nothing much had been added since she left, just the others saying they needed to go too. It had only got interesting within the last half hour.

Sing-us-a-song: You ever just smell your finger and it stinks but you don’t know from what?

Knife2meetU: Louis Shut In class

Sing-us-a-song: well sorry that I had an important question to ask.

With that Clementine put away her phone. She was planning to meet with her professor soon. The rest of the day went by about as slowly as the first half. It seemed everyone was busy today so when her classes were done she went back home. Kicking off her shoes, she hopped up the stairs entering her bedroom and lying on the bed. Wonder if anything else was said in the chat.

It wasn’t much added to the chat, just a single message.

Prishafacie: Thank you for letting me join.

Clementine looked at the username. Prishafacie? Knowing Prisha, it was some smart play on words. Soon more messages appeared.

Bro: Prisha!! Glad you joined

Sing-us-a-song: it wouldn’t be the same without you.

OrangeuGlad: welcome to Team Fun

Sing-us-a-song: ^^^

Prishafacie: Thanks, everyone.

Knife2meetU: I hate everything.

Bro: bad day?

Sing-us-a-song: well fear not I have a solution.

Aasim: Oh no.

Sing-us-a-song: why don’t we all get together for Halloween and throw a party? We never celebrated all our work on the investigation.

Prishafacie: But our investigation was a bust.

Bro: doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate

Sing-us-a-song: hear hear

An image appeared on the chat that Louis shared. It was the Ericson University newspaper. The front page held the story of Professor Weathers’ arrest.

We were right on the money

Knife2meetU: where would we meet?

OrangeuGlad: I can check with Lee and see if he’d let us have it here.

Clementine ran down the stairs, searching around for Lee. Her eyes soon found him on the couch.

“Hey Lee, can I have a few friends over on Halloween after trick or treating with AJ?”

“Sure, that’s fine with me. Will your boyfriend be coming?”

She couldn’t see his face, but she knew he had a teasing smile on it.

“Yes.”

“Alright then,”

Clementine took out her phone again, heading back up to her room.

OrangeuGlad: He says it’s fine but we have to do it at 8 Promised AJ that we would go trick or treating first

Aasim: Works for me.

Knife2meetU: same here

Prishafacie: For me as well.

Bro: 8 works

Sing-us-a song: well then all we need to do is figure out the movie and we need to get some snacks and candy

Bro: I can get the snacks and candy

Aasim: Get candy corn.

Knife2meetU: don’t

Aasim: I want it.

Bro: I can get some for you Aasim

Sing-us-a-song: Now onto movies

Bro: can we watch It’s the great pumpkin, Charlie Brown?

Aasim: Thanks I’m fine with that choice.

Knife2meetU: what about a horror movie?

Sing-us-a-song: i don’t know

Prishafacie: I’m down for a horror movie.

OrangeuGlad: just bring both and we can decide when we’re together.

Sing-us-a-song: sounds like a plan.

Bro: Ok send me some different snacks you guys want.

Brody looked down at the different answers her friends had sent. There sure was a lot of variety here. She pushed open the door to the convenience store, her attention still on her phone.

“Hey, Brody.” She looked up to see Mitch, a friendly smile on his face.

“Hey, Mitch,” A warm smile overtook her face as soon as she saw him.

“What are you getting today?”

“Just some snacks and candy for the Halloween party that my friends and I are having.”

Mitch nodded. “Sounds fun.”

“You got any plans for Halloween?” Brody asked from one of the aisles, grabbing snacks from different shelves.

“Just some trick or treating with my brother.” Mitch replied. Brody leaned out from the aisle to look at him.

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah, his name’s Willy. He’s twelve so all he wants to do for Halloween is go trick or treating and pig out on candy.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Brody walked forward, her arms filled with different snacks and candies.

Mitch started to process the different items, stopping when he got to the candy corn.“You like candy corn?” His nose scrunched up with a mixture of disgust and confusion.

“Nope, can’t stand the stuff. But my friend likes it.” Brody responded, grabbing out her wallet to get ready to pay.

“Neither can I. It’s just so fucking nasty. It really is the ass of Halloween candy.”

Brody laughed at Mitch’s words, which caused a smile to form on his face. After a few more items the order was processed, and with a few bills exchanged Brody lifted up the bag of snacks. “Enjoy your Halloween.” Mitch called out to her.

“Thanks! You too.”

Brody looked down at the assortment of treats she had gotten, an excited smile appearing on her face. She couldn’t wait for Halloween.

----

Clementine shifted in her Halloween costume. She had promised to dress up with AJ which she was happy to do. It was just that the outfit was a bit itchy. She was going as Calypso Cauliflower to match her brother’s theme.

“Ta-da!” AJ jumped out of his bedroom, proudly displaying his outfit. He had decided to go as his favorite character of all time: Disco Broccoli. His eyes were covered with the signature purple sunglasses. His white disco outfit shone as a gold chain dangled on his neck. He really wanted to go all out this year so he had come up with the brilliant idea to dye his hair green. It was temporary dye, but there was still the chance that his hair would stay that color for a few days afterward. With the shape of his afro he really did look like Disco Broccoli.

“You look great, AJ!”

AJ struck a disco pose dramatically. “You ready?” he asked excitedly, swinging his candy container back and forth.

“I was born ready!” Clementine grabbed her brother’s hand and headed towards the door. She turned her head back around her shoulder. “We’re heading out!”

“Ok, have fun!” Lee’s voice rang out from his office.

With that the brother-sister team was off walking around their neighborhood. AJ’s eyes lit up every time they got to a new house.

“Come on, Clem!” He pulled on her arm, making his way towards the next door.

“Slow down, kiddo.” Clementine tried to keep up, smiling at the pure joy on her brother’s face. AJ reached forward, knocking on the door. He impatiently swayed back and forth as he waited for someone to answer the door. It only took a moment for a person to show up at the door.

“Well, hi there! What are you dressed up as?” a kind lady asked, reaching inside to grab the candy bowl she had prepared for the trick or treaters.

“I’m Disco Broccoli!” AJ declared proudly, displaying his best disco move. He quickly gestured over to Clementine. “Clem is Calypso Cauliflower.

“Silly me, I should’ve known,” the lady chuckled. “Take as much as you like.” She held out the candy bowl which AJ and Clementine took generous amounts from, thanking the lady before heading to the next house. After a couple more houses the duo realized that their time was up. Grabbing a hold of AJ’s hand, Clementine headed back to her house, excited for the Halloween party that was soon to come.

Luckily she had timed it out right and had left enough time for herself to change and make the living room look decent for her friends. Soon a knock on the door came.

“Coming!” Clementine shouted, running towards the front door and opening it.

Louis and Violet stood in the front of the group, the rest peeking out their heads from behind.

“We have arrived,” Louis exclaimed with his classic charming smile. “With us we carry the delicious treats for this spooky night!” The group slowly shuffled in. Clementine grabbed the bags from the group, making her way to get some bowls from the kitchen.

“Thanks, Brody.”

“No problem.” Brody made her way to the kitchen. “Do you need any help?”

“Yeah, actually. Can you help pop some popcorn? It should be up in the lower cabinet by the fridge.”

Brody nodded, quickly fulfilling her given task.

“So what movie are we watching?” Louis asked, sitting down on the couch.

“I brought Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Violet replied, simply placing the DVD on the couch.

Louis looked warily at it. It was pretty clear horror wasn’t for him.

“My DVD is in my bag.” Brody called from the kitchen.

“We have time for both if you want?” Clementine offered to which the group agreed almost immediately.

“I think we should start with horror.” Violet added.

“Sounds good to me.” Prisha stood beside her.

“Okay, maybe it would be good to get it over with first.” Louis gave a sigh. He walked forward, grabbing the DVD and heading towards the TV. “Vi, help me set this up while Clem and Brody get the snacks ready.”

Violet followed her friend.

“I’m not sure I’ve properly introduced myself.” Aasim walked over to Prisha. “I’m Aasim,” He offered his hand which she accepted, giving it a firm shake.

“Prisha.”

“I saw on the intro channel that you’re a law major. That’s really interesting. What made you choose that career path?”

Prisha’s expression changed to an excited one as she answered his question.The two soon got wrapped up in their conversation, each of them interested in what the other had to say.

“Popcorn’s ready.” Brody placed two bowls in front of the group. Clementine was close behind, placing down the bowls of candy. A small bowl filled with candy corn was beside them.

“You got the movie set up?” Clementine asked as she watched her two friends work together.

“Yep, just about.” Louis replied, standing up and grabbing the remote control.

With a few clicks the movie began. Brody made her way over to one of the couches, joining Aasim who was already there with his candy corn. Clementine had settled down on the other couch which Louis soon joined, sitting beside her. Prisha sat on the other side of the couch while Violet sat next to her on the arm of the couch. The lights were off and the snacks were distributed. It only took a few moments to make it abundantly clear who enjoyed horror and who didn't. Brody tried to not get overwhelmed by the death scenes, averting her eyes when they happened. Aasim tried to help her by whispering different facts about the history behind the film which actually did help her calm down a bit.

On the other hand Violet seemed to enjoy the movie, tossing popcorn in her mouth casually when the massacre started. Prisha didn’t seem fazed by it either. Instead most of her focus seemed to be on Violet. Her hand slowly made its way over to Violet’s, brushing against it. Violet seemed shocked for a moment before accepting Prisha’s hand. She was glad that it was so dark in the room so the others couldn’t see the slight blush forming on her face.

Clementine also seemed to enjoy the film, but not because of the plot. Instead it was because of Louis. He really couldn’t handle horror so he ended up curling up in her arms. He would try to make some sort of funny commentary to cope with the scarier moments, giving quippy one-liners from the safety of Clementine’s arms. She felt his warmth against her. A warm fuzzy feeling enveloped her body as she looked down at her boyfriend. She didn’t mind this arrangement. In fact she hoped that the movie would somehow drag on so she could enjoy this moment.

Her eyes were suddenly drawn away from the screen however when she noticed Lee standing in the kitchen. He had a playful smile on his lips as he motioned towards Louis. Clementine’s arms were protectively around him as he continued to try and watch the movie. Lee raised a thumbs up to his daughter. Clementine felt her face grow hot while she tried to focus back on the film.

“That was awesome.” Violet commented, grabbing some more candy as the end credits rolled on the screen.

“Funny, you and I pronounce ‘terrifying’ differently.” Louis mumbled, freeing himself from Clementine’s arms to put in the second movie. Within a few minutes the title screen was on the TV.

Brody shifted on the couch, a child-like joy appearing in her eyes when the movie started. She must’ve seen this movie countless times with how frequently she said the lines word for word as the scenes happened. The group looked over at her with smiles on their faces, happy to see her having a good time. It wasn’t long before Brody’s line for line commentary stopped though, her shoulders slumping while her head fell back. The slow rising and falling of her chest indicated that she had fallen asleep. Aasim made sure not to move too much so he wouldn’t wake her up. After a while Lee made his way into the room.

“Hi there. I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Lee.”

The group looked over, quickly returning their introductions.

“It’s nice to meet some more of Clem’s friends. She always talks about you.”

Clementine awkwardly shifted from her spot in Louis’ arms.

“Look at you guys, six friends that make up three couples."

The mood instantly changed in the room. Louis and Clem looked at each other with awkward smiles on their faces. Meanwhile Prisha and Violet were both overwhelmed by Lee’s assumption, their faces both turned away to hide their blushes. Their hands were still intertwined. But the most shocking response was Aasim’s. He was in the middle of eating some candy corn when Lee suggested that he and Brody were a couple to which he inhaled the candy corn wrong, causing him to choke. Brody’s eyes fluttered open, widening when she saw her friend struggling to breathe. With a few strong whacks to the back Aasim coughed up the candy corn which went flying and landed by Lee’s feet.

“I’m sorry if I misspoke! Let me grab you some water.” Lee ran into the kitchen, pulling down one of the cups.

“That’s the price to pay for eating candy corn.” Louis shook his head in mock sadness.

Aasim glared over at him. “Don’t blame this on the candy corn.”

Lee soon returned and handed the glass of water to Aasim who accepted it gratefully. “Well, I better leave you kids to it.” Lee gave an apologetic smile before returning into his study.

The rest of the movie passed by in no time.

“I love that movie.” Brody stood up, stretching out her arms.

“It really is a classic.” Louis agreed.

The rest of the group slowly got up to their feet, each of them tired after the two movies but also sad that the party was over.

“Well, we should probably head out.” Louis took out his car keys. The four of them made their way to the front door.

“This was really fun,” Brody turned back to look at Clementine “I can’t wait for the next party.'

“I’m sure with our group it won’t be long until the next one.”

“Thanks for inviting me tonight.” Prisha looked up at the group. “It really means a lot."

The group all shared a warm smile.

“We really should go.” Aasim commented from the front door.

“Yeah, we have class tomorrow.” Brody added.

Violet let out a frustrated groan.

“Alright, alright.” Louis leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss on Clem’s cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” Clementine waved to her friends as they left, shutting the front door behind them. She walked up to her bedroom, falling backwards onto her bed. A huge grin overtook her face. To think that she would have this amazing of a group of friends, that she would have such a sweet boyfriend… she couldn’t believe it but she couldn’t be happier.

[patchwork-panda]

If A Moment Is All We Are (30/?)

AO3 link: HERE

OP theme: HERE

“Ah, Kusunoki-san!”

I turned my attention away from my computer and looked up to see Atsushi and Kyouka arriving at our shared work area. I’d finished cleaning myself up a little and had changed into the spare clothing I’d kept in my locker and was now poring over emails before I went out for the day.

“Good morning!” Atsushi called, smiling brightly.

He dropped his bag on his desk as Kyouka quietly bobbed her head in a tiny bow behind him. I grinned and waved, my eyes on them but my mind still on Kunikida’s smile.

“Good morning Atsushi-kun, Kyouka-chan!”

I gestured to the plastic bag on my desk.

“Want some bread? The manager gave me extra, so I’ve got a few too many...”

Atsushi’s golden eyes went wide.

“Really? Can we?” he exclaimed as Kyouka immediately zipped over to my side and reached into the bag.

“Uh-huh! There’s tea and coffee too. Help yourselves.”

“Thanks!!”

As Kyouka went back to her desk, already munching on a freshly opened strawberry roll, Atsushi took his time and hung around, picking through the bag for tea.

“You look like you’re in a good mood this morning!” he said, his eyes sparkling. “Did something good happen earlier?”

“Ah, sort of?”

I fidgeted a little in my seat, my face growing warmer as I thought about the training session with Kunikida this morning.

“Yeah? Do tell.”

Without warning, a bandaged hand dropped down from above and plunged into the bag of treats I’d brought for the office.

“Oh! You’ve got ramen in here!” Dazai exclaimed, looking excited. “And it’s crab flavored, too! Don’t mind if I do.”

“Hey!”

I reached up to snatch it back but I was a second too slow.

“That’s my lunch—”

“Hmm? Instant ramen? But I thought Kunikiiiiida-kun wanted you to eat more vegetables,” Dazai said, tossing the cup of noodles up and down in the air.

“What’s it to you? Give that back!” I snapped, snatching the cup of noodles from him mid-toss.

But as I returned my attention to my computer, I felt a weight settling in near my elbow and looked back up to see Dazai actually sitting on my desk.

“You never answered my question,” he said.

His expression was suddenly gleeful, curious. He clapped his half-bandaged hands together and wiggled around in front of me like an excited schoolgirl.

“What did you and Kunikida-kun do this morning for your first time together? Did he go at it one-hundred percent? Did he pin you to the ground?”

“Dazai-san!!”

I flushed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a piece of bread fall out of Kyouka’s mouth. Atsushi was suddenly choking on his tea.

“What kind of question is—”

“What are you doing sitting on Kusunoki’s desk, Dazai?”

I snapped my head around so fast I nearly got whiplash. The tall blonde detective had appeared just in time and for some reason, Dazai suddenly looked more gleeful than ever.

“Hey, Kunikiiiida-kun!”

Dazai hopped off my desk at once, a grin so wide it could only be described as manic stretching across his face. He skipped around my chair and threw one bandaged arm around Kunikida’s shoulders, forcing the taller man to duck down to his level.

“Perfect timing! I have a question I need to ask you!”

Kunikida sighed, looking irritated but resigned.

“What is it, Dazai-san.”

Dazai’s dark eyes glinted with mischief.

“Did you like the way she fought?”

Kunikida stared.

“Huh—?”

Something clattered to the ground and as one, Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi and I turned to Kyouka, who’d knocked over her empty bottle of juice and was now pulling her kodachi out of her kimono.

“I can’t believe,” she said hollowly, the light fading from her ice-blue eyes, “that I thought Kunikida-san was an honest, upstanding person...”

Blood lust radiated off every inch of her tiny frame. The blade of her kodachi gleamed vividly in the light.

“But it looks like a man is just a man after all. Let me teach him a lesson for you, Kusunoki-san.”

“Wait! Kyouka-chan!” I cried, throwing myself between them as Kyouka advanced on Kunikida (who was hastily ripping a page out of his notebook) with her weapon drawn.

“This was a misunderstanding! Kunikida-san was teaching me self-defense. It was just a training session, that’s all, I swear!”

The tiny assassin hesitated, her weapon faltering in her hand.

“Really? But Dazai-san said—”

“Don’t listen to him!” I groaned as Atsushi nodded fervently and Kunikida slowly put his notebook away. “He was just trying to cause trouble so that...”

I trailed off and glanced at my desk, where the bag of ramen and snacks had suddenly disappeared along with any trace of the bandaged maniac.

“So that he could steal the rest of the food,” Atsushi sighed, slapping his palm against his face.

Seething, I hurled my notebook at the ground.

“Dazai-saaaaaan!!”

***

In the end, I never managed to hunt down Dazai or my lunch...

I sighed and hiked my bag a little higher over my shoulder, trying not to think about the horrifyingly suggestive questions Dazai had asked me and Kunikida and the way Kyouka had reacted.

Dazai, that asshole... all that just so he could steal my ramen.

I briefly thought about putting my lunch tab on him before coming to the conclusion that if I did, I’d only be adding to poor Shimeko’s worries. According to her, Dazai hadn’t paid back his tab at the Uzumaki Cafe for nearly eight months now...

Pausing to check the map on my phone, I glanced up and examined my surroundings.

Nomura said the university’s history department should be located somewhere around here, but...

I spun in a circle, looking around at the tree-lined streets and sighed.

Thanks to all the heavy greenery, it was hard to see the buildings, much less the tiny lettering embossed next to the entrances. If the map was correct, I needed to take a left here and head deeper into the campus if I wanted to reach the main library.

Shrugging, I stuck my phone back into my pocket and went left.

Right now, I knew pretty much nothing about the mysterious “Kei.” I didn’t know when he’d died, whether he’d actually killed himself, or if “Kei” even was his real name. If I wanted to get that police report, to check if Nomura had a good reason to be suspicious, then I’d need to learn Kei’s full name. And the only real lead I had so far was Kei’s connection to Professor Shin Matsuyama...

So I came here, to Nomura’s university, hoping I could find some more information on Professor Matsuyama at the history department’s library. I’d spent a couple hours doing some digging online but the professor was either highly secretive or not very well-known. If his research was on the obscure side, then there would be no way of accessing it outside the university. Moreover...

I opened my notebook, where I’d stashed some printouts before I’d gone out.

Apparently Professor Matsuyama had been a student here at the university before deciding to teach at the history department. If Nomura’s memory was correct, the professor looked to be around our age in the photograph he kept in his office. And if that was true...

I stopped before the nearest building on my right, a squat, white-tiled structure marked, “World History Department,” by a tarnished copper plaque.

...Then it was quite possible that Kei had been a student here as well.

I checked the map again and made a face.

Great. Low signal. Must be the trees...

I pressed refresh on my maps icon and waited. But even though the seconds dragged on and on, the three dots in the middle of my screen refused to fade away. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my pocket.

Guess I’ll have to ask for directions...

Unfortunately, no sooner had I picked up my feet and turned to the left than I walked right into someone mid-stride. Or rather, someone walked right into me.

“Ack—!”

I was on the ground before I even knew what hit me, my bag scuffing heavily against the ground and my butt bruising painfully beneath me. I heard the rapid clicking of thick, chunky heels hitting the pavement as the person who’d bumped into me came rushing over.

“Oh my goodness!” a woman exclaimed, her voice sounding strangely nasal and muffled. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there.”

She knelt down at my side, folding her long, cream-colored dress beneath her legs, her light, airy clothing rustling softly as she moved.

“Are you alright?”

A pale, delicate-looking hand stretched out towards me and I looked up to see an elegant, well-dressed woman in her late thirties kneeling beside me in the dirt. She was fairly tall and slender, with long, wavy hair the color of desert sand and long lashes that curled beautifully over large, expressive dark-brown eyes. There was a strange red mark over her nose and a very thick book under her arm. As I took her hand and allowed her to pull me to my feet, I realized her voice had sounded muffled earlier because she’d been reading her book as she walked and had hit herself in the face with it when she bumped into me. However, even with the red mark over her nose, she was still very pretty.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled.

I took a moment to keep my Ability suppressed before rising to my feet.

“Thanks.”

The woman’s dark brows knitted together as she studied my face.

“Are you sure?” she asked, searching me for any sign of injury. “There’s a clinic on campus for injured students if you need any sort of treatment.”

“I’m sure,” I insisted, brushing off my clothes. “Really. I’m fine.”

“What a relief,” the woman sighed, her hand flying to her chest. “To think I could’ve hurt a student—and during exam week, no less!”

She sighed heavily, hanging her head.

“All because I had my nose in yet another book.”

“It must be a really nice book,” I said, smiling slightly.

“Oh, it is!” she gushed, flipping it over so that I could see the cover.

“...D. Keene?”

I squinted at it.

I’d never heard of this author before...

“He studies Japanese literature,” the woman said, “specifically modern Japanese literature. It’s a paperback version of one of the required reading books for the history students.”

She laughed a little as she tucked it back under her arm.

“I know it’s not the sort of book people find so fascinating that they can’t put it down but, well...”

She made a sort-of shrugging motion, her smile turning shy.

“I’m still really happy my husband is letting me borrow it for so long. Most people aren’t allowed to take university library books off campus but...”

Her eyes sparkled and I was once again struck by just how pretty she was.

“I suppose they make exceptions when you’re married to one of the faculty members.”

I studied her.

The wife of a faculty member... with special access to the history department library... It couldn’t be...

Could it?

“Which... professor are you married to?” I asked.

The elegant woman beamed at me.

“Professor Matsuyama Shin,” she said. “He teaches modern Japanese history here.”

She bobbed her head in a quick bow and I rushed to do the same.

“My name is Matsuyama Natsuki. Are you one of his students, perhaps?”

I shook my head.

“I’m actually not,” I admitted, surprising Natsuki. “But my friend, Nomura-kun, is and—”

Natsuki’s eyes widened.

“You’re one of Nomura-kun’s friends?” she asked, bringing her fingers to her lips.

I was taken aback.

“You know him?”

“Of course I know him,” Natsuki said, covering up a small laugh. “In fact, he’s very close to my husband. To be honest with you, he’s almost like a son to us. Such a kind, well-mannered boy...”

She studied me, her smile softening.

“I’m glad to see he’s making friends his own age. He comes over to the house so often that I was starting to worry he didn’t have any...”

“I see...” I said, suddenly feeling awkward.

Friends... huh?

Something about her words nagged at me, making me feel like I was forgetting something—something important in regards to Professor Matsuyama...

“...He keeps staring at this picture in his office and talking to it... When I asked him who was in this picture, he answered, ‘Natsuki and Kei...’”

I gasped.

That’s right...!

If Natsuki and Kei were both in the picture with the professor, then that meant Natsuki might know Kei. Maybe I could ask Natsuki for Kei’s full name so I could go and get that police report I needed.

But there was just one small problem with that...

I chewed my lip.

Thanks to Dazai’s meddling, I’d missed a tiny, but important detail on the first page of the case briefing. Due to the sensitive nature of the case, Nomura had requested that I try not to let any of the professor’s close friends or family know exactly what I was investigating. Made sense considering I was looking into a potential murder...

I studied the kind, friendly woman standing in front of me.

And now that I’d met Natsuki, I completely understood why. If I let the wrong thing slip, the results would be disastrous. If Nomura’s suspicions proved wrong, then I could potentially be wrecking Natsuki’s marriage for no reason. And if he was right...

I shuddered slightly.

I didn’t even want to think about what I’d have to do if he was right...

“Are you okay?” Natsuki asked, her pale brows furrowing together. “Are you cold? I could let you into a building to wait for Nomura-kun, if you’re here to meet with him.”

“Oh, no, I’m fine!” I said quickly, trying to put the smile back on my face. “Just... thinking about things...”

Natsuki blinked at me.

“Things...?”

I wasn’t going to have an opportunity like this again. I needed to ask her about Kei... but how was I going to do that without raising suspicion?

Okay, think... What would your mentors do here?

What would Kunikida do?

“Y-yeah, you know, exams, projects...” I trailed off.

Kunikida would probably go for the direct approach. He’d just ask her point blank if she knew someone by the name of “Kei,” and then prepare some way to deal with the consequences if things went south.

I crossed my arms and looked down.

No, that wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t come up with a contingency plan as fast as Kunikida could and I really wanted to spare Natsuki as much as possible.

Which meant I’d have to lie to her.

Lie... so that I could protect her...

At once, the memory came flooding back.

“I checked in with Yamazaki-san a few days ago...”

Dazai’s smile was gentle, his chocolate-brown eyes warm.

“She’s doing well... and she said to tell you ‘hi...’”

And just like that, I was back in the conference room again, sitting in a warm, well-lit room with papers scattered all around me and Dazai’s hand slowly drifting towards mine.

My arms unfurled from around my body. My hand twitched upwards; I was already reaching back. But when I lifted my head and glanced back up at the tree-lined path, it was Natsuki, and not Dazai, who was standing there before me.

I put my hand back down.

Dazai-san... Was this why he lied to me that day in the conference room...? To try to spare me the pain that he knew the truth would inevitably bring...?

My hand closed into a fist. I found myself biting the inside of my cheek.

Is this what I would have to do...?

Natsuki chuckled. She didn’t seem to have noticed a thing.

“Ah, I see,” she murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes, you must have a lot on your mind right now. It’s always a busy time for students, isn’t it? No matter what the season or what you’re studying...”

I nodded, a small smile creeping back onto my face as the gears began to turn.

“That’s very true,” I said, the smile on my face stretching wide. “You’d think I wouldn’t be so stressed, being just a simple art student.”

Think like Dazai. Do what he would do...

I took my phone out and flipped through my gallery. I came to the pictures of Minato Mirai and flipped the phone around so I could show them off.

Mix the truth with lies. Layer them so that it’s harder to tell where one starts and the other begins... Make it so that you can’t tell the difference between them yourself...

“I actually came out here,” I said slowly, “to take some reference pictures of the scenery. Nomura-kun said this part of campus was really nice at this time of year so I thought I’d come check it out.”

“Oh, I see!” Natsuki gasped, leaning in to take a closer look at the photos. “You’re very talented, aren’t you? Um...”

“Kusunoki,” I said, inclining my head in a slight bow.

I felt my smile soften on its own.

“My name is Kusunoki Kyou. Thank you, Matsuyama-san.”

“Just telling the truth,” Natsuki said warmly, straightening back up. “If you want to take some more pictures, you should probably head a little deeper into campus, get closer to the library. There’s a wide field out that way and a small student garden beyond that as well.”

“That sounds great,” I agreed. “But the thing is, I’m not just looking for scenery today... I’m looking for models too.”

Natsuki’s deep brown eyes went wide.

“Models?” she repeated, her hand automatically going to her hair.

I watched as she began smoothing down the wildest of her curls.

“Yeah.”

I nodded and pulled out my phone, scrolling through the apps as if I were looking to open an email or memo.

“I was asked to draw a group portrait of three adults between the ages of thirty and fifty,” I said. “The teacher specifically told us not to ask other students to sit for us because they want us to get used to drawing people all ages and body types.”

I fidgeted a little, trying not to cringe as I thought about how Dazai might ask her to sit for a drawing. He’d probably flirt with her in some grandiose, over-the-top way and then ask her to commit double suicide with him, that maniac...

No, I had a better idea...

“If you don’t mind my saying so,” I mumbled, looking away. “You seem very nice and... I feel comfortable asking you this since you also know Nomura-kun.”

I glanced back up.

“Would you mind letting me draw you and your husband?”

“Not at all!” Natsuki exclaimed, looking flattered. “But I thought you needed three people?”

I nodded again.

“Yes, I do. Do you or your husband happen to have a friend who wouldn’t mind coming over to the campus park for an hour or two? Someone around your age?”

“Ah...”

At this, Natsuki grew quiet. She lowered her eyes.

“About that...”

A shadow crossed her beautiful face and she smiled.

“It’s funny that you should make such a request, Kusunoki-san,” she said, her smile growing wistful. “I actually know just the man to ask.”

I balked.

“Y-you do?”

“Yes.”

Her dark brown eyes flitted back up towards mine.

“But sadly...”

Her lips twitched, as if she was holding something back, something that looked an awful lot like tears. I felt my stomach clenching tightly as I saw the look on her face.

“I cannot ask him to meet with you. You see...”

She closed her eyes and sighed.

“He is no longer with us.”

“I... I see...”

Oh no...

Guilt flooded through my body. I felt the knot in my stomach tightening as Natsuki heaved a breathless sigh and stared up at the leaves that were beginning to rustle overhead. Her eyes seemed to shine with tears...

“I’m so sorry, Matsuyama-san,” I stammered, fidgeting in my bag for my handkerchief. “I shouldn’t have asked—! I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s okay,” Natsuki said graciously, her gaze still firmly fixed on the swaying branches above us. “You couldn’t have known.”

Her eyes met mine at last.

“How could you have? When we’ve only just met?”

Yes, how indeed? I thought with another stab of guilt as I pulled the handkerchief out at last.

But I offered it to her, Natsuki waved it away, her smile more gracious than ever.

“I’m alright, thank you,” she said, looking touched. “It’s very sweet of you to be so concerned about a complete stranger like me, Kusunoki-san. Your friends must be very fortunate indeed.”

This time, it was my turn to look away.

Friends...

I’d cut off contact with everyone I knew when I’d become a shut-in all those months ago. Now, the only people I was close with were my coworkers at the ADA. But did they think of me as a friend as well...?

“I... I guess so,” I mumbled, unable to meet her eyes.

Natsuki chuckled, prompting me to look back up.

“You seem easy to talk to, Kusunoki-san,” Natsuki said, tucking her hair back behind her ears as the wind began to pick up once again. “Like a good listener... Perhaps I could tell you about him one day...”

My mouth was as dry as cotton. I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears.

I felt my lips slowly forming the words.

“Tell me about... who?”

Natsuki smiled.

“Kei.”

The wind began to howl. I clutched my jacket to my body as it tore through the tree-lined path. Leaves and dust and gravel scattered everywhere and I opened my eyes just in time to see a deluge of leaves descend from the heavens in a shower of glittering gold and green. Natsuki looked back at me through the storm.

“Our dearly departed friend Masaoka Kei...”

[strawnarrries]

Stuck

Summary: You get stuck in an elevator with your least favorite person on campus.

Requested: yup

POV: 1st

Warning(s): oral sex and intercourse 

I took a deep and readjusted my bag on my shoulder as I pressed the circular button to the elevator, waiting patiently for it to arrive. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, about 9:30 AM. I had a history test on Monday so I decided that I was going to go down to my favorite local coffee shop and study there. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open revealing Niall, probably my least favorite person on campus. I internally sighed and walked into the elevator, standing on the opposite side as him.

"Is this?" he trailed, peaking at the hallway the elevator stopped at, "No, needa go down one more." 

"You goin' t' 1?" I asked, pressing on the first-floor button.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Me too." 

I hated Niall. He was the campus's known fuckboy. He was so hot, but he was such a player. We've talked a couple of times but only with school-related stuff. I was glad he didn't give me the attention most girls got. I always hear stories about him and I see the way he treats girls. It is disgusting and disrespectful. He's a sweet talker and every girl falls for a sweet talker. He'll lead them on and eventually get them into his bed before never speaking to them again.  Oh, and don't even get me started on how cocky he is. 

I really didn't want to be alone in this elevator with him but I just hoped and prayed that he wouldn't speak to me and the ride would go by fast. The elevator dinged before it began to move down, my tummy slightly dropping at the sudden movement. I stared at the floor numbers dropping, praying for them to speed up. All of a sudden, there was a loud crash and the whole elevator shook slightly, causing both of us to grab onto the railing that lined the room immediately. The shaking wasn't enough to make us lose our balance, but it sure did startle us.

"What was that?" I asked, eyes wide as I stared at him. 

"I dunno, but it doesn't feel like we're movin' anymore," he replied. 

"Great," I chuckled sarcastically, "So we're stuck in here?" 

"I think," he hummed, pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing quickly on it before humming, "I don't have service."

Immediately, I dug into my back and pulled out my phone, seeing that the top left corner of my screen read no service before I murmured, "I don't either."  

"Uhh," he hummed, taking a step towards all of the buttons on the left side of the elevator before pressing one of the bottom ones, "We can call someone."  

Nothing happened after the first time he pressed the call button, so he pressed it a couple more times and finally, we heard a muffled voice through the tiny speaker looking thing next to the call button. 

"Hey, uh, I t'ink we're stuck in da elevator, t'ink it stopped movin'," Niall responded. 

"Okay, what happened?" the lady on the other end asked. 

"Dere was like a loud crash and den it shook a liddle." 

"Okay, we'll get some people out there. Jus' hang tight for a liddle bit." 

"T'anks." he replied before leaning back against the railing again. 

I was pissed. Of course, all the people to be stuck in an elevator with and I get Niall. I just prayed that we wouldn't be in here long and that he wouldn't talk to me at all. I let my head gently fall against the wall, taking a deep breath in and out, preparing myself for a long next couple of hours. I glanced up at him and saw him hang his head low, staring at the ground we stood on, licking his lips. Minutes passed and the awkward tension in the room just kept building and building.

"Sooo, how are ya?" he chuckled awkwardly. 

"Was doin' fine 'til now," I giggled softly. I hated him but I wasn't going to be rude to him. 

"Me too," he giggled back, flashing me his pearly white teeth. 

There were a couple seconds of silence because neither of us knew what to say. I just hoped that he didn't keep talking to me but I really did not want to talk to him. 

"So, where were ya headin'?" he asked.

"I was gonna go down t' that coffee shop down the street an' study fer my history test on Monday but I needed t' pick up my book because I left it in the library yesterday."  

"Ah, I've definitely done dat more den a couple o' times," he chuckled softly, "Did it more den once in one week. Marxson was pissed." 

"Oh, that's not good," I giggled. 

The conversation kept trailing onto new topics and I was surprised at how sweet and funny he was. I had my guard up because I know Niall and I know what he does. But I was seeing a side of him that I never knew he had. He was very interested in me. Unlike many dates that I've been on with guys, not that this was a date, Niall asked me questions instead of just talking about himself the whole time. It shocked me because, after all of the stories I've heard about him and how I've seen him talk to girls, I would have never guessed he was this thoughtful and this funny. 

I began to butterflies in my tummy as we talked. He was so cute and so sweet. No wonder he gets all the girls. I couldn't believe the things my mind was wandering to. My mind was swirling with thoughts as I glanced down at his lips, watching him talk. I wanted to kiss him and feel his lips against mine. My heart was racing and my mind was tipsy on him. The conversation began to die down and there were a couple minutes of silence and staring down at feet before I heard him speak up.

"I see ya lookin' at me lips, (Y/N)," his voice dropped an octave and his usual, gorgeous, sea blue eyes were overtaken by a thick layer of lust.  

My heart began profusely beating out of my chest, my cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. I was speechless. I didn't know how to react or what was going to happen next. I didn't know what was happening to me. Never in a million years did I think I would have these feelings for Niall Horan, my least favorite person on campus. I so badly wanted to feel those soft, pink, plump lips molded with mine. I wanted to feel his tongue explore my mouth, exalting his dominance over me. I wanted to feel his calloused hands caress my body, feeling every single inch of it. I wanted it all. 

"Know ya wanna kiss me," he whispered as he stepped closer to me, his lips only inches from mine. 

I took in a shaky breath, not knowing what to do. I felt his big hands firmly grasp my hips before he closed his eyes and leaned in. His lips molded with mine and I could hear my heart beating and imaginary fireworks shoot above our heads. I slowly wrapped my hands around his waist, gripping on his shirt as his lips began to move in sync with mine. My wishes came true once his tongue ran left and right against my bottom lip. I parted my lips slightly and granted him access. He explored my mouth, his tongue playing games with mine. His hands began to roam by back, slipping his cold hands under my light pink, Adidas shirt and feeling the soft skin, sending visible chills up my spine. He smirked lightly against my lips, absolutely loving the effect he had on me. 

He pulled me closer into him, pressing my chest against his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with the soft hairs at the nape of it with my fingertips. I hummed against his lips, feeling my tummy twist and my panties dampen. He moved his hands south, cupping my bum over the fabric of my black leggings. He squeezed my skin before pulling back and giving it a good smack. I involuntarily whimpered against his lips, melting into him. He began massaging it, soothing the stinging area. 

"Mm," he hummed, grabbing my wrist and bringing it lower to cup his bulge over his jeans, "Ya feel dat? You did dat." 

I squeezed him slightly, biting my lip as I watched and felt him grow in my hand. Massaging him gently, I bit my lip and looked back up at him. He cupped my jaw and attached our lips again. He trailed his kisses down my neck, nipping and sucking the skin. I let my head fall back, giving him more access. His hands landed on my waist, gripping firmly. He trailed his kisses down until he reached the collar of my tshirt. He grabbed onto the hem of my shirt, lifting it up until it revealed my breasts. The black bra I was wearing cupped my breasts nicely, accentuating the curve of them. I was just glad I chose to wear this bra instead of one of my old, ratty ones. He cupped them in his hand before pulling it down and pulling out my breasts. The bra awkwardly set below my breasts, but he had access to them. 

Cupping both of them in his big hands, he flicked his thumbs over my nipple, feeling them harden under his touch. He dipped his head down and attached his lips to the swell of my breasts, sucking and nipping to leave marks for later. He sucked one of my nipples past his lips, flicking his tongue over the bud. I let out a breathy moan of satisfaction, letting him know I liked it. I threaded my fingers through his soft, brunette locks, letting my nails gently scratch his scalp. I whimpered when he nipped at my nipple before he moved onto the other breast, giving it the same amount of attention. 

He kissed back up my neck, reaching my lips and licking into my mouth. I hummed against his lips, slipping my hands up his shirt and feeling his hairy chest, my nails gently scratching up and down. He pulled me into him again and I felt his hardening member against my inner thigh. I started subtly grinding into him, my clit beginning to pulse with desperation. 

"Get on yer knees," he demanded, "Want those sexy lips around me." 

He took a small step back and placed his hands on the metal railing, giving his body support as he rested against the wall. I readjusted my bra and my shirt before I did as I was told and trailed down his body until I was on my knees, face to face with the huge bulge in his pants. I placed my hands on his hips and leaned over, pressing forceful kisses to his bulge over the fabric of his jeans. I looked up at him through my lashes our eyes immediately making contact. He licked his suddenly dry lips as he watched me. I unbuttoned his pants and pulled his zipper down, giving a little bit of relief. I slipped my light purple fingernails past the hem of his jeans around his hips, pushing them down his hairy legs and allowing them to pool at his feet. 

His black boxer briefs hugged his thighs, and fit perfectly around his waist, accentuating his throbbing member. I palmed him over his briefs, massaging him gently. I used my free hand to slightly lift up his shirt, leaning in and pressing my lips to the skin just above the hem of his briefs. His breath began to get uneven as he got antsier, needing some relief. I slipped my fingers past the elastic band of his briefs, sliding them down his legs and allowing them to pool with his jeans. His hardening member was exposed to the cool air around us, causing him to sigh softly. 

I licked up his shaft a couple of times, before wrapping my palm around him, using my saliva as lubricant. His swollen red tip peaked out from his foreskin and that's when I slipped his head past my lips, sucking away the salty precum that was oozing from his slit. My hand slowly pumped him up and down while my tongue swirled against the underside of his tip, looking up at him with innocent eyes. 

"Dammit, don't fuckin' tease," he groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall, his eyes fluttering shut.

Obeying his orders, I chuckled softly before lowering my mouth onto him, beginning to bob my head up and down. I hollowed out my cheeks and he jutted his hips forward, his tip hitting the back of my throat. I hummed against him, the vibrations from my voice sending him into a moaning mess. 

"Fuck yeah, ya like dat? Like havin' me big cock in yer mouth, hmm? God, dat feels good," he hummed.

"Mhm, taste so good," I murmured. 

Groans, hisses, and profanities spilled from his lips, boosting my confidence. With my right hand pumping what wasn't in my mouth, I used my free hand to cup his balls, massaging them gently. Reaching down he threaded his fingers through my hair before collecting all of it into his palms and pulling it up into a ponytail so he could have a better view of me. 

I looked up at him and our eyes locked. God, he was gorgeous. His eyebrows were furrowed together and his plump, pink lips were parted, filthy words and beautiful sounds escaping them. His scruff defined his jaw perfectly, sweat beading at his temples. He still had his shirt on, but I could still see the way his muscles tensed every time I did something he particularly liked. 

"Take it deepe-" he hummed and I relaxed my throat before nuzzling my face into his trimmed patch of hairs as he hummed, "Ah dere ya go, fuck me." 

My eyes watered and my throat closed as I gagged on him, my instinctive reaction kicking in and causing me to pull up off of him. He immediately let go of my hair and grabbed onto my head, pushing me back down onto him, "No. Ya can't stop 'til I say so, fuuckk." 

I whimpered and looked up at him innocently through watery eyes, watching as his face contorted with pleasure and his grip on my hair tightened. I continued to gag on him, my eyes spilling with water. I did my best to relax my throat and breathe through my nose, my grip on his thighs tight. As uncomfortable as I was, his moans were like music to my ears, making everything so worth it. I loved the fact that it was me making him moan like that and it was my mouth that was making him feel so good.

He let go of my head and I took that as a green light to give myself a break. I came off of him with a soft pop and a string of arousal and saliva coating him. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and blinked away the tears in my eyes. I cupped his balls, massaging them gently as I took him in my mouth again, sucking and swirling my tongue all around him. I could feel him throbbing against my tongue and I knew his orgasm was just around the corner.

"Mm stop, wanna cum in ya," he whined. 

Coming off of him with a soft pop, I pressed a couple of kisses up and down his shaft before he gently grabbed my arms and pulled me up. I stood back up on my feet, my knees silently thanking me for the relief. 

"Jesus, yer fuckin' good at dat." 

I stood face to face with him before I wrapped my arms around his neck and licked into his mouth, letting him taste himself on my tongue. His dominant side took over again and his tongue began to battle with mine. His hands slipped past my leggings, cupping my bum over the fabric of my panties. He pushed my leggings down my legs, letting them pool at my feet. I slipped off my flip flops and stepped out of my leggings. Usually, I would never be barefoot anywhere in public but at this point, I didn't care at all. I just needed a release. 

His right hand grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the wall above my head. His left hand slipped towards the front and landed on my clit before rubbing it in circles over the soft fabric. I whimpered when he dropped his head into the curve of my neck, nipping at my soft skin. Reaching down with both hands, he pushed my pink panties down my legs before I stepped out of them, leaving them with my leggings. His hands trailed down to the back of my thighs, tugging me upward. I jumped up onto his waist and he pressed my back against the wall of the elevator, growling into my mouth, "Ready fer me t' fuck ya? Have ya cummin' all over me big cock?" 

I melted into him, my eyes fluttering shut and my head falling against the elevator wall as I whined impatiently before he hummed, "Gonna answer me or am I gonna haveta punish ya?" 

"Niall, please, I need you. I wanna feel ya in my stomach," I whimpered. 

He lifted me up slightly, lining his swollen tip up with my dripping entrance. He slammed into me and we moaned out with pleasure, grabbing onto the railing. He found a steady pace and moved in and out of me, hitting my spot with every hard thrust. The only sounds that filled the small room were my moans, his hisses, and the soft sound of skin slapping. I felt the knot in my stomach begin to tighten before the elevator shook again and carefully began to move down. 

"Shit!" he cursed, letting me down onto my feet again. 

We both quickly began to get dressed again, knowing someone had finally rescued us and neither of us wanted them to catch us snagging against the elevator wall. We both managed to get dressed and make ourselves look like we didn't just fuck each other before the doors slid open and revealed a couple of construction workers. The workers cheered at their success before asking if we were okay. After we both replied with a "yes", I grabbed my bag and we thanked them before making our way out of the elevator. 

"Why don'tcha come t' my place an' we can finish what we started, yeah?"

[itwasnobodysbuiness]

Yesterday a rapist died

I found out last night that a rapist was killed. He was not murdered but died in a motorcycle accident. I was 19 at the time I encountered this individual. I was in my first year of college living on campus about 45 min away from my hometown. This meant I had way too much access to my old friends and life and often tried to merge my old world into my new; which never seemed to go over well. One of these nights I got the grand idea to throw a little hotel party for my new friends from school and old ones from back home. It was a night I was very excited for; having both of my worlds collide and let loose a little. No one had space for the get together that weekend so we decided to rent a room. I was working and making ok money for a college kid; I had always worked a lot as a teenager being the kid of a single parent. I had the funds to front the cost of a small party but being only 19 at the time I was not old enough to sign for the room or purchase alcohol. I reached out to one of my old friends and current boyfriend from back home and they dropped the name of a local guy; let’s call him Tom from around town a few years older. If I invite him and he can bring a friend he’d be glad to purchase the room and liquor in his own name for a small cut and free booze. I didn’t think twice about this as this was kind of the norm for teens trying to party when they are not quite old enough to party. The Party was going well and everyone seemed to be having a great time getting a little too loaded and letting off some steam. My boyfriend at the time was working early the next morning and only stayed a short while. He knew I was with people who all cared about me so leaving me there was nothing for him to have concern for. My boyfriend at the time was very caring and always good to me. Unfortunately at this time in our relationship I was also seeing my ex high school boyfriend. This ex had broken my heart and in my young mind messing with his feelings somehow made me feel like I'd gained some of the power I’d lost when he crushed my heart. A very unhealthy and unfair healing process to all involved. I digress.

It was late in the evening and my college friends left first. Others trickled out and the only few left in the room were myself and my friend who’d struck out that night and … Tom who’d purchased the alcohol for me along with a friend of his unknown to me. I’d made several remarks about how it was ‘time to go’ and ‘call it a night’....how I ‘ had to get to sleep’ , but Tom and his friend didn’t seem to want to leave. He made remarks about the room being technically in his name, and that he would leave soon. My friend with me had passed out cold in one of the double beds and I'd planned to sleep on the other bed. I had definitely had too much to drink and became sick. I now know this was why Tom and his friend decided to hang back when the party had ended. I had completely blacked out for some time. I came to on the floor of the hotel bathroom with the room spinning. This is a situation plenty of kids in college experience. I was feeling grateful for the cold floor on my hot skin. I remember feeling someone holding me tenderly and I felt comforted. The hair was being brushed out of my face and this person pulled me into their chest and cradled me. I felt comforted, not afraid for this brief moment. It took a moment for me to realize my boyfriend was not with me and had gone home hours before. This person I had awoken to was Tom. I do not remember much of this night but I remember Tom’s voice in my ear. I remember the feeling of his chest warm and firm against my back. I remember his hands on my body, all over my body. I remember his mouth on my neck, and the whispers…..Tom liked to talk even if I couldn’t talk back. Like watching a movie if yourself it all moves in slow motion. I remember feeling fear, panic, and then an eerily calm feeling that I had to be strong. I had to find the strength to say or do something to get Tom to leave. 

I have zero memory of the following events. My friends from home met at the home of another local guy close to our age to cap off their night. The girlfriend of this guy inquired about Tom and asked if he'd left with the rest of them. When she’d found out I was basically alone in the room with Tom she encouraged my friends to return to the hotel as she’d heard Tom was found alone in the room of a young girl passed out at another party just weeks before. Someone woke my boyfriend at the time and this girlfriend led the charge of people who would attempt to come to my rescue. The group later told me when they returned to the hotel, both my vehicle and Tom’s were still outside of the room. They said they banged on the door and yelled my name and asked Tom to open the door. When they received no response they attempted to contact hotel management to open the door but they refused and asked the group to leave. 

I have no memory of my attempted rescue. I remember it being hard to speak but using every ounce of my ability to stay lucid to remind Tom that it would be bad for him to hurt me. That my friends and boyfriend would come for me, and that he would regret touching me. Tom's low whisper was angry and cold. I remember him whispering how ‘ MY boyfriend had left me there alone’ how I was ‘ ungrateful’ and ‘asking for it all night’ . ‘ No one would believe me’ and ‘think I'd actually slept with my friend who was passed out in the other bed’. I remember wanting to call out for help but being worried Tom may hurt my friend; afterall there were two of Tom. 

I don't remember what spooked Tom but I remember hearing the door open and close and him pacing back and forth outside the bathroom and all of a sudden being out of sight. I remember breathing deep and walking to the second bed while my friend was still out cold in the first one unaware of what had transpired as well. The rest is black; a dead space in time that I lost. When I woke I was in the bed with my friend and my pants were undone. I knew I didn't belong there. 

I got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to clean up and remember feeling better than I deserved to after drinking so much. My phone had been powered off some time the night before and when I powered it on there were a ton of messages from my friends. I knew my Ex would be arriving soon to pick up our friend and would make a pass at me. I knew this was coming. I knew something was not right. I decided to pretend I was invincible….to fake it till I made it. I was strong, and I was going to pretend the previous night never happened. Afterall I didn't really know what happened. It wasn't until my ex arrived and had his hands on me that I knew; I knew my body didn't feel incontrol. I knew my body felt dirty and unsafe. I told him I did not feel well and pulled away. I never explained the night before to him. I felt like this was punishment for how poorly I'd treated my boyfriend who was never anything but magically sweet to me. Though the following hours to come would test this. 

I began returning calls and headed to the home of the girlfriend who started my search party with my best friend at the time. My boyfriend was not returning my calls at this time and I was trying to put the pieces of the night together. The girlfriend immediately knew something was not right and informed me of their rescue mission the precious night. I found out the hotel had threatened to call the police after they beat on the door of the room a second time. I found out when they returned later Tom’s car was gone, and heard the story of the victim before me. I said I only remember bits and pieces but they just did not fit together. 

My boyfriend finally returned my call. He asked me if I’d slept with Tom, and said he didn't understand why I wouldn't have answered the door for him or my friends. I tried to explain what I did know; and what I didn't know. I wasn’t sure if anyone other than the girlfriend actually believed me. I felt so alone, and so ashamed. The events that transpired after are not important. This situation set in motion a spiral of trouble for several of those I love as well as myself. I have friends for life because of this moment, but I learned I had to forgive myself for this moment in time as well. I thought I had. I felt over the hotel and Tom after all that transpired. It  was not a trigger to talk about it in later years if ever the ‘ me too’ stories came up. It was not until I saw a social media post with Tom’s face that I realized this even is a part of my past; a part of what shapes me as a person. ‘R.I.P.  Tom’ was the title of the post. Tom passed away after living to become a middle aged adult man. Tom had moved away and was never brought up after all of the events following the hotel unraveled. I still remember being helpless on the floor of that hotel room. I remember trying to talk Tom down while he mocked me. I remember Tom. It does not matter if everyone believed me. What matters is that I didn't keep your secrets. I was cared about. I was not perfect but I did not deserve that. No one does. ‘R.I.P. Tom’; looks like you will be missed. I know I am not the only one who felt like a helpless girl; even as a grown woman all over again that day Tom passed. I don't wish anything for Tom; I don't wish peace or forgiveness… I wish nothing for Tom. I wish peace for those who hurt because someone else feels entitled to their bodies. I wish peace for those who struggle to forgive themselves because none of us are perfect. That's what I wish. 

[fansie-on-a-mission]

Catharsis

hey guys so this isn’t gonna be about Newsies and it’s gonna get a bit personal, so if you don’t wanna see that feel free to scroll past, but I really just needed somewhere to get stuff off my chest right now. Also this is gonna be very long and emotional, so strap in, because we’re about to take a deep dive into nostalgia and my fragile emotional state.

so I am a senior this year (yay class of 2020) and I have been in band/drumline for 3 years while in high school. Obviously my year ended abruptly due to COVID, and i hadn’t been able to say a proper goodbye to any of my instructors and band mates, which just really sucks.

I’m sure all of you in the arts are struggling with me right now because we never got out final performances and bows, but it kind of just hit me again today when I was able to return to the band room one last time. We were finally allowed to go back to pick up anything we left behind and drop off anything I needed to return and walking into that band room for the last time was like such a slap in the face. 

I loved band, even though it was so much work and often caused me to have mental breakdowns when I got especially busy with school, but having to face the band room one last time really just hurt deep down.

My school is under construction right now, so there was random boxes and debris everywhere. There was a thick coat of dust covering everything, Even the lights were no longer operational so everything was dark. It was horrible to see the room I spent so much time in so different from how it had always been. The band room had always been a safe place for me and today it just looked empty and distant, not welcoming like it used to.

I played marimba, and it was honestly heartbreaking to walk in and see my instrument neglected and covered in dust and knowing that I would never be able to play again. My instrument was safely pushed up against the wall, and as I pulled it out to access it there was so much dust and so many cobwebs connected to it and my heart sank at that.

I was never a particularly good player. I joined sophomore year with no experience playing mallet instruments, unlike everyone else. Heck, I couldn’t even hold a mallet properly when I started. Because of this, I always felt I was behind the others in skill. I started on the glockenspiel, a dinky and obnoxiously loud instrument before being promoted to vibraphone next year. Finally senior year I was placed on marimba. Until the beginning of 2020, I still felt like I was a fraud and didn’t deserve to be in the marimba section, because that required the most skill. I was finally beginning to accept myself this year after all my hard work, and now i will never get to perform again.

My drumline was doing amazing as well in competitions this year. Drumline is extremely competitive where I live, and there are about 50 other schools total in our division, so it is extremely hard to get ahead. This year, against all odds, my school was doing flawlessly: at the few competitions we had we were able to get first at every single one. We were destined for greatness this year, as cheesy as that sounds. Our instructors even told us when our season ended that the people who run SCPA, the business that runs drumline competitions where I live, was going to vote to see if they should boost us up a division because of how good we were doing. Knowing all of this, it is heartbreaking still to think of what could have been. 

We were told on our second to last day of school, unknown to us at the time, that our season was cancelled and I remember bursting into tears in the middle of my graphic design class right before the period ended. I Immediately called my mom to pick me up and take me home because of how upset I was. I swear my teacher thought I was insane, and the incoming class just kept staring at me as they shuffled into the room, but I was too distraught at that point to care. I don’t think I truly realized how much I would miss band until that moment

I didn’t even get to truly say goodbye to my instructors. They were all at the school today when I dropped by, but the construction going on didn’t allow us to linger, which was probably good because if i had to say goodbye then I probably would have cried then instead of right now as I write this. We got a new band director this year after our old coach quit unexpectedly - and good riddance because she was a horrible teacher - and he truly made my last year the best year I could have asked for. He was so dedicated and caring - he even took the time to learn about my hobby as an aerialist and even came to one of my performances on the weekend to support me - and I will be forever grateful for the experience he gave me for my last year. I never got to say a final goodbye to my two drumline coaches, who I have had for my three years I was in band. They were so funny and kind, and didn’t just treat us like students, but friends as well. Despite me not knowing anything when I joined, they supported me and enabled me to become the musician I am today. I will never get any of them to sign my yearbook, I will never get a final performance to show them what an amazing musician I have become over the years, and I will never get to truly thank them for what they did for me. All of that is just gone.

I’m looking back on all the positive memories I had with band. I think of long hours of practice where I was able to just talk with the friends I made about similar interests (they definitely heard me rant about Newsies, and I even got one guy on my team who hates musicals to watch it and he said he enjoyed it, so score!). I think of times where we would take a picture on the bus before every comp to remember the moment. We talked about music for hours, bonding over the different parts that made us struggle or feel a certain way. I think of band camp and fun competitions we would hold to try and find out which section was superior. I think of all the inside jokes we have. I think of all the stuffed animals my front ensemble keeps in our mallet pockets: each person had a little something on their instrument to personalize it. I think of the joy of winning at comp and talking and singing along horribly on the bus ride home. I think of that amazing feeling after a performance knowing that we did our best and are proud of what we have accomplished

I’m even looking back on the horrible memories I have for drumline and now look back on them fondly. I hated 9 hour practices each time we had a day off from school, practicing for hours in the rain in the winter, and having to get up early for competitions. I hated pushing my marimba around campus up a steep ramp to set up for practice, because god knows that thing weighs twice my weight and is twice as big as me (I am a skinny, 95 pound, 5 foot tall 18 year old. yeah I’m super small) I had blisters forming all over my hands from holding to mallets to the point where my skin would peel and bleed and I would have to keep playing through the pain. Our band, except for the drumline - and no, I am not biased everyone not in band thought this too - wasn’t even that good. during marching season we did adequate at best and sometimes walking by the band room was like hearing nails on a chalkboard with how they were playing. Despite all these negative thoughts I had about my band experience, I would honestly do anything to go back and experience all of that one last time.

Band has been a huge part of my life for the past three years, and I will always feel connected to the activity. I can’t wait to go back next year and watch my younger teammates perform their new show and see how they have grown and change, and I will continue to support them as much as I can through fundraisers and donations If I can. I realized today that I will never step into the band room as a student and performer again.

Anyway, if you actually stuck through this, props to you because i am finally done. I physically cannot write anymore because I cannot see anymore due to the tears in my eyes. I was super upset when school and drumline was cancelled officially over 2 months ago now, but this little nostalgia just brought back all of my emotions. And I have to do it all again on Thursday when I make my final visit on campus to return books, clear out my locker, and get my cap and gown. Fun. Thanks for letting me rant.

[bloodydamnit]

You went to MICA, right? I’m currently going there and it’s good (stressful as fuck, but good) and I wanna know; what did you hate and what did you love about it? (Oh my god I sound like those end of year surveys they give you)

Hello there!!! Omfg I’m literally on campus right now for pride!!! LOL just got myself a smoky burger from OTH what what. okay okay okay good questions. 

MICA has changed quite a bit since I was there. Like, my freshman year was fucking lit. If you take the shuttle and get Mr. Robert or Ms. Yvette, ask them about the nudists. Shit was wild. 

Our freshman/foundation year was different in general too? Like

Okay. So. lol. Our classes were:

Elements of Visual Thinking - Which was a chance to explore concepts, mediums, learning how to properly critique, etc. 

Critical Thinking - Which was just critical theory, but more on your own practice I guess? I don’t really know how to explain it. 

EMAC - Which was exploring different forms of digital media and how to use them (Premier, Photoshop, Audacity, recording devices, etc)

Sculptural Forms - Which was a chance for you to explore 3d media. So it was held in what used to be 15/15 and it was woodshop, plaster, 3d printing, and cardboard. 

Then, this is where I get pissed off and seriously fucking angry about this change. 

But we USED to have Painting and Drawing. Now, if you got a 5 in AP art, you gained an extra credit and could skip Drawing/Painting 1. HAH. IMAGINE THAT. HAVING A PAINTING AND DRAWING CLASS AS A FOUNDATION FOR YOUR ART. BECAUSE IT’S KIND OF NECESSARY. 

can you tell im a bit fucking salty?

They were separate classes and I think, they were extremely fucking important to the development of not only my art but my peers. For example, I fucking hated painting when I went to MICA. Literally fucking refused to touch the medium. 

I went to my first class with Latoya Hobbs, tried oil paint, and everything fucking changed. I was a GD major (or that was my plan) and I immediately switched to Painting and I never looked back. 

Unfortunately, yall don’t have that opportunity anymore. Especially since when you choose your major, you tend to stick with those classes. Which really fucking sucks, because you can tell the variety of art has gone down since this change happened. And I think that’s the thing that I dislike about MICA NOW the most. I had the chance to take things, was required to take them, and then I knew how to do a variety of things BECAUSE of those changes. And from what I understand, you don’t have those opportunities anymore. Which really fucking sucks. Because you also miss out on the amazing fucking professors in other majors as well. For example, Karen Warshal. I HIGHLY recommend taking her Portrait class and her Anatomy class. I swear to god, those were the best, more useful classes I’ve ever taken. Is she crazy? A bit. But she’s the most genuine, caring, supportive, and one of the hardest professors I’ve ever had. And thats what you WANT. You don’t want someone to butter you up, tell you your art is poppin when it’s not, and to try and let you off easy because you look upset. Karen tells you how it fucking is and that’s so god damn important. no matter what major you are, TAKE HER FUCKING CLASSES. They’re important and they’re necessary to your development as an artist. Even if you’re not into figural art. - also she makes food and brings it in. and if you’re sick she might make you chicken noodle soup. shout out to karen

Honestly, Karen was probably one of my favorite things about MICA. Along with Mark Karnes,  TONY FUCKING SHORE. LISTEN. YOU NEED TO TAKE A CLASS WITH TONY SHORE (PAINTING). I think he might be doing a class on race (which haha he knows hes white as fuck) and i think it will be fantastic. so keep an eye out, AND RUTH TOULSON THE ANTHROPOLOGY TEACHER. IT MIGHT STILL BE A REQUIREMENT. HER CLASSES HAVE AN 80+ WAITLIST. IF YOU GET ON. ITS SO WORTH IT FUCKING TRUST ME. SHES OUT OF THIS FUCKING WORLD. PAUL LONG, HE’S AN ACADEMIC TEACHER (TEACHES POETRY AND SOME OTHER SHIT. HE’S GREAT. BRINGS SNACKS EVERY DAY), and others?? if you want to know more, please message me and i’ll give you them!

Anyway, I havent really answered your question!

Dislike:Housing situation fucking sucked. getting a room was fucking ridiculous. They ran out of room for us because they started accepting more (this happened when sophomore housing was required. My year was the first year that went into effect and they had to buy out bolton hill apartments. people had to break leases, etc. it was fucking ridiculous). 

The MICA store is eh? It used really good and held in dolphin. But it was literally falling apart. Now its too.. idk. It’s fine. I prefer artists and craftsmen. 

Access to studios and equipment is eh too. Because of time constraints. 

How the student body treats the fucking faculty is DISGUSTING. One girl literally called one of the sweetest security guards the ‘help’. Ms. Gloria (senior in security) is fantastic, Officer Green is everything, Ms. Yvette is so fucking sweet, and Mr. Robert makes my heart sing. 

The student body in general LOLOLOLOLOL. ‘Surround yourself with good juju’ - Former MICA Grad (my best friend) The fucking student body mica page is a fucking dumpster fire lol. 

I don’t like how white MICA is and how entitled a good part of the student body is. The amount of entitlement is fucking ridiculous. And the amount of ignorance is astounding. Also the obviousness to what fucking city you're in, is so wild i cant fucking even. Like. MICA is deceptively beautiful (the MICA bubble). Which is why it is high in crime lol. Just be alert and don’t be a god damned dumbass walking around at 3 am with your fucking headphones in, smoking a cigarette, and acting like you’re fucking immune to being mugged. Just saying. Take the shuttles and you’ll most likely be gucci. 

I don’t like how MICA spends its money (our money). And what they choose to invest in - like buying random fucking buildings and not telling the students what it’s for, and fucking raising the price of tuition and living in order to compensate. 

The total and utter lack of transparency, etc. It felt eehhhh I don’t know how to explain it. 

NOW. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A LOT AND THAT IM JUST SHITTING ON MICA. BUT MY MICA EXPERIENCE WAS THE BEST OF MY LIFE. I LEARNED SO MUCH. AND I FIND WHAT I LEARNED THERE TO BE INVALUABLE (except for the fact that I’m 56k in debt. just saying)

But really. I loved MICA. I wish I could go back. I met so many amazing people, made great connections, and I don’t think I would have had the same love at any other art school. (I have friends in SAIC, Pratt, Parsons, FIT, SVA, RISD - they all complain about the same things. they in the grand scheme of things, are material. Which important because, hah, money. But, material nonetheless. If you have the means, I don’t think these things I explained are deal breakers)

Now what I loved about MICA. Because honey. I fucking LOVED MICA:

When I was touring schools, I was kind of eh about them? Not in the sense that I wouldn’t have a good time or be ungrateful, but I didn’t get that feeling. Does that make sense? For example, I took a tour at SVA and I have very very strong opinions about SVA, I had no feeling. When I stepped on MICA’s campus, that was fucking it for me. Not only was I comfortable there, but the professors that were at the tour, made it their duty and went out of their way to make myself and the other potential students feel welcome. They were personable, they were kind and welcoming, they were warm, and that continued even after I decided MICA was the place for me. 

My class at least, had no drama lololol. Again, my freshman year was a hell of a lot of fucking fun. We didn’t have any big racist shit going on like other years (ahem ahem 2018, 2019). INSTEAD, we had the nudists, we had carrot videos (ask around about that), it kind of felt less cliquey? Because everyone was generally interested in being friends? Idk. Like we definitely had groups and they became more evident as majors really clicked in, but in the beginning, everyone was pretty much together (this was the first year that the grill opened and leake was a thing. So we were all figuring out the dorms together). I mean we had drama but it wasn’t... idk. It wasn’t like mica student body (maybe its because we didnt have that to fuck shit up lolol). 

On The Hill was my shit. Still my shit. I fucking love on the hill with a fucking passion. Pom Iced Teas, where you at. The neighborhood in general was really nice. Baltimore is one of my favorite cities and the stigma of it will be broken as soon as you start exploring it. HOWEVER, BE FUCKING SMART. DONT BE A FUCKING IDIOT. IF YOU DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE SOMEWHERE, YEET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. TRAVEL WITH OTHERS. DON’T BE THOSE DUMB ASS WHITE GIRLS FROM RURAL FUCKING TOWNS THAT THINK THEY CAN WALK AROUND AT 4 AM OR JUST WHEN IT’S DARK OUT, ALONE, AND BE OKAY. TAKE. THE FUCKING. SHUTTLE. 

The studio spaces were really nice so as they’re taken care of. the equipment is really nice. take advantage of it while you can. because once you’re out of school. hah. you’re screwed. 

Networking was nice. 

Being close to the Walters was amazing and the ability to go to DC for the day only spending 8$ on the Marc train to get there was amazing. Having Penn right on campus. 

Again, the professors were in majority, fucking amazing. 

Some professors had classes outside of MICA (karen has model drawing classes at her studio) take them! They’re really worth it!

I actually didnt mind the dorms. 10x better than most colleges. 

Accessibility was amazing. Especially since its not a closed campus, but everything is in one place. That’s not the case with a lot of Art colleges. 

And most of all, I just loved being there. I loved learning. I loved the people. I loved baltimore, i loved the professors. MICA 10000% shaped how I am as an artist in the best way and I think it’s an amazing place to be despite the downfalls. 

Don’t take everything I said as gospel. like I said, these are just my experiences as well as a few of my friends in the same fine arts department. The others, I’m not sure about. But yeah. I hope this helps! You can always message me and I’d be happy to refer you to classes, professors, etc. Good luck with next year!

[folerdetdufoler]

saturday morning was cloudy. the whole day was cloudy, but to start, i woke up to a sunrise that didn’t exist. so i ate breakfast and went back to sleep (if i had to define what a vacation was, it would have to include that activity: going back to sleep). then i went to meet nadège, jenn, and haidee at their flat.

i’ve always stayed in a hotel when i’ve visited, specifically the hotel. part of it is because i know how the hotel works, and i heavily weight the value of the familiar. it also was part of the rewards program with sas. it isn’t anymore, and i think they’re going to be doing construction next year, so i’m starting to consider different options for stays for my next trip. i’ll probably stick to a hotel because i heavily weight the existence of room service too, but now it doesn’t have to be the radisson blu. i’ve ridden that elevator enough times.

but uh, the point of this consideration is because they were staying in a really nice flat, which was like an extended stay suite but through airbnb. i was super anxious about using airbnb last summer because it was someone’s home, but this flat was not that, which was appealing to me. i would have to pack much less if i were to go the walk-up route though. um, so i met them there and we walked to get kabobs. jenn had to catch a flight that afternoon but she hadn’t gotten her kabob fix yet, so it was a necessary spot. we met jenni’s group there and then walked down to the river for a moment to eat and chat. nadège and i kept walking along the river since we weren’t eating, and we had a chance to talk through some of the stuff that was bothering me from the day before.

it was really helpful to have that chance, both to let me express myself as well as hear her perspective. most of the time, even though i’m constantly keeping up with people on my dashboard, i’m still very much in my own head about it all. i’m not using a soundboard, just letting my own opinion boil up until it causes problems, spilling negativity into other people’s lives. this has been happening more often, probably because i’m talking to fewer and fewer people as the fandom shrinks and i get more stubborn, so i really appreciated this chance to both be very much in the fandom (in oslo, with human beings) as well as take a step back from it. i still need to work on how i balance my sense of self that i get from the internet with how i express myself in person, and it seems like that just means i need to take a walk and talk to someone. like, every day.

anyway, that’s what we did, going down to the dick swan and back, visiting the barely-canon tree and syng. when we got back to the girls we figured out where we were going next, and we broke up for the afternoon.

a couple of days ago jasmine and silvia had mentioned the nrk studio tour as a thing to do, and i impulse bought (is there any other way?) a ticket for saturday. nadège and haidee were interested in going, so we decided to press our luck and head over to the office to see if we could squeeze two more people onto the tour (it was listed as sold out for saturday when they checked). taru gave us helpful tips for getting to the office but between my struggle with google maps and the front door, we were still too late. the guide was nice enough to come to the front and answer some questions though, so we just went back to the website and bought tickets for sunday instead.

by then the clouds were releasing a week’s worth of weather, and we were all the way out in marienlyst with a couple of hours to kill. so we went through our lists of things we wanted to see, if there were any sites left that hadn’t been toured even though we’ve all been to oslo a few times at this point. and there were! we were actually kind of close to the university campus where parts of “all stories are echoes” are set, so nadège wanted to find an important statue from the fic. she and haidee had read it, and while we walked to campus they did a recap for me, so i would understand the significance of the statue.

at that point it was raining heavily and we were lost but i didn’t really mind it because we were just walking and talking. there was a general goal that we were trying to achieve, but it felt very relaxed, and it was fun listening to all of the things that really excited them about the stories they read. after all this time i don’t think i ever did that, like really find out what attracted them to this fandom, so it was a fun and enlightening conversation. it also passed the time well, as we were walking through the campus and then trying to find a bus back to sentrum.

oh wait, not sentrum. next we looked up kjærlighetskarusellen, because that post about it from the header had recently circulated, and it was another canon detail that sort of defined these trips that we take. we come to oslo because we are fans of a show that is set here, and we love it so much that we seek out every little detail in appreciation. that love has grown to encompass the whole city, so we were looking for this show detail as well as monument to the city’s history and its relationship with homosexuality. we lingered outside of it for a bit, because there was a man actually using it as a urinal, and then we snapped our photos once the coast was clear. now i am no stranger to being creepy but that was probably a top five moment for me, taking a picture of a public urinal. i loudly talked about how it was a cultural heritage site as if that would convince random people passing by that i was truly interested in the city’s sanitation efforts instead of, like, men peeing. for the record i’m not particularly interested in either.

then we went back to the flat for a bathroom break, and on to eat waffles. oh boy! i was excited because i had never had one before. i was still shy in terms of trying one, and chose the nugatti topping instead of the jam & brown cheese classic (pictured is haidee’s waffle). mine was super sweet and...gummy? like the hazelnut paste and the soft waffle was just cement in my mouth, and i got a work out just trying to clean off my teeth with my tongue. but it was delicious. i’d probably eat one every day if i had daily access to haralds.

after our waffle we went to meet jasmine and silvia. we shared a pizza for a late lunch/early dinner, and then went back to the hotel so i could change out of my wet clothes. we recapped each other’s dramas and activities from earlier in the day, and talked about fandom and the internet and how people change, if they do. at this point we’ve known each other for at least a year, if not longer, and it’s interesting to see how we, and the rest of the fandom, have evolved as the show has faded into the distance.

some of the stuff we talked about got intense, or we got wrapped up in drama (what else is new), and we had to take a break by watching the bloopers. that was an instant mood lift, and fun to do with people in the same room. everything was a little bit funnier or cuter or sillier when i could hear everyone else laughing at the show too. someday i’d love to rent out a cinema theatre and project season three for a marathon viewing (with bathroom breaks) for a group of fans. maybe for a seven-year anniversary, when you could time it so it would play on a friday evening, and at exactly 21:21 in real time you’d watch isak walk across the courtyard at school to save the man of his dreams.

but back to saturday. it wasn’t raining, but we took the metro to the park next (baby’s first metro trip!). we were going to meet jenni, taru, and kati, and figure out a good place for jasmine and silvia to hang out outside to listen to karpe. we said our goodbyes at the gate and shifted to the other friend group. i think we were kind of early but there was already a decent crowd going in, and going right for the main stage. i don’t think we bothered with food or drink this time around, mostly because we’d just eaten and it was starting to drizzle, which meant everything would get wet anyway.

jenn mentioned a few times that it was a shame there wasn’t any festival merch to purchase while we were walking around, because we kept seeing all of the volunteers with their t-shirts and bags from previous years. it felt like a missed opportunity. i wondered if it was on purpose, to give more weight to the merch that the volunteers got, as a draw for them to sign up and return to work. limited merch would make that experience more special. but i was wrong, because after jenn had left we finally found out that there was a merch tent with apparel for sale; we just hadn’t found it. so before we joined the crowd for karpe we went up the hill and bought tote bags and socks. i’ll deliver jenn’s tote to her on friday, at the sigrid show. i’m mostly mentioning that here so i don’t forget. i was so excited to find socks because i’m getting used to wearing more funky options (mostly due to haidee’s lovely gifts!) but also because they were um, featured on the festival issue of natt & dag.

we moved closer to the stage, but it was actually the farthest we’d been from it the whole week, simply because the crowd was already packed in. while we waited ronny from nrk p3 walked past, and that was my only celebrity sighting at the whole festival. on thursday i thought i saw axel bøyum walk in front of me, but i’m not sure. it was fast, and i thought i noticed his sharply-angled face and deep eyes, but he was also wearing a hood so i didn’t have much else to compare. he was short though, which also made him stand out to me. anyway, that was the extent of my sightings: 1.5 people. there were others there, of course, because i saw their instagram posts, but i either wasn’t paying attention or wasn’t in the right places to see them. since i myself prefer not to be seen, i tend to treat everyone else the same (at least not on the internet), so i default to ignoring the people around me unless they acknowledge me first. i need your explicit consent before i let myself stare at you.

here’s a brief pause to note how sad i am about heimebane. aaaaaand moving on!

the karpe crowd was huge and...different. saturday had a different vibe in general because it was the weekend, and if someone was going to just pick one day to go to øya this would be that day. also it was raining, so there was this anticipatory buzz that was like, 80% for the show and 20% for getting dry again in a couple of hours. our group kind of slowly shifted and morphed as we were pushed closer to the stage and trying not to lose our footing on the sloped ground. but then the show started and the crowd exploded and you just had to fuckin’ roll with it.

i had to read up on the show afterward to understand some of what magdi and chirag were talking and singing about. despite talking about it with fryd months ago, i didn’t get into their new album like i’d wanted to. so i didn’t understand most of the message in the moment; i was just enjoying the beats and the intensity of everyone else. there was a group of younger guys in front of us who sang every damn word and it was just a really...fulfilling thing to witness? norway came out for norway, and the crowd was exactly what karpe deserved for the show they put on. the guys chatted with nadège and sang at me to get us hyped, and i still felt slightly removed from the crowd but that was okay. i enjoyed this outsider place. i didn’t have to understand or be part of it because it was big enough on its own. i could simply bask in the overflow and dance in the rain.

i knew one song from when i had it on repeat summer 2017, the result of following ashley’s obsession with karpe on tumblr. i also still connected it to skam, from when i was more passionately following the actors’ lives and seeing them go to their concert in oslo, which i think cengiz was also dancing for? these are very weak links but links nonetheless, and it still felt like i was ticking off boxes on my unwritten “experience skam” list. it’s also a testament to how far i’ll twist something to justify it, make it fit my personal narrative. i must still feel guilty about my trips to oslo.

(side note: i’ve been meaning to look this up but i am fascinated by their use of the sas brand in their album and shows, like...they are aggressively shaping the brand and i’m curious as to whether they have permission to do it or if they don’t need it or what level of control the brand has over its use. the relationship between a brand and an artist these days is fucking fascinating, and i’m sort of aware of the rules that we need in america but is it different in other countries? i’m already a fan of sas, in that it’s my airline for my trips to oslo, but would i have been influenced more toward or against it if i were approaching it from a karpe angle, if the duo were introducing me to it? anyway, just some mind wanderings there.)

at the end the crowd was lighting up their cups again. we were surrounded by different people than how we started and couldn’t find the ones we knew. we made the same walk away from the stage, bouncing along with the flow, until we got to the festival sign to catch up with everyone. we took a group pic and said goodnight, not entirely sure what the next day would bring but quite satisfied with the one that had just ended. it was funny how used to the exit walk i’d become, after just a few days, and i felt a little nostalgic about even that, as we did it for the last time. and even though we were all soaked and exhausted, i didn’t feel a particular rush to leave. but it was over. just like that. the volunteers were collecting cups from the crowd as we went, but i took mine home.

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Portions for Foxes

Portions for Foxes - Kidge Month Day 23 Prompt Fill Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Kidge; Implied/Past Jeith and Kacxa Summary: 'Cause you're just damage control For a walking corpse like me, like you Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more.

Everything sucked for Katie Holt. It was her own fault, sure, but it didn’t mean it was any less frustrating.

She pushed herself upright, sitting up and staring at the prone figure beside her. He was lying on his belly, arms stuffed under his pillow, face pressed into the plush bedding. His hair was still mussed up from sleep, the fringes of his bangs falling in dark stripes over his closed eyes. She hugged her knees close to her chest and rested her head against them, watching him as he shifted to nuzzle closer to his pillow, grumbling something into the fabric too quiet to be heard. She couldn’t help but smile a bit, despite herself. He was surprisingly cute, underneath the gruff exterior.

She had learned a great many things about him in the weeks since their little… Whatever it was had started.

She’d been heartbroken and furious and just a little bit tipsy the night it all started, nearly three months ago. Her boyfriend of nearly two years, James Griffin, had broken up with her only one month before, and then found out that night he had already started seeing Ina Leifsdottir, a mutual friend of theirs. And, as if to just rub salt into the wound, she found out that a few of their other mutual friends had known about it before her and never said anything. And so, she decided to go out that night, alone, to a frat party and forget her woes.

And it was there she bumped into Keith Kogane, campus recluse and one of James’ least favorite members of the student body.

They got to chatting, had a couple drinks. He had seemed a bit surprised when she approached him at the table covered in various different types of liquor and asked him to pour her a glass of something strong and blackout worthy.  “Aren’t you Griffin’s girl?” he asked curiously.

“Not anymore, I’m not. Now hurry it up with the drink,” she had barked back impatiently.

She was surprised to find that he seemed to find that reaction amusing enough to fulfill her request, pouring one for each other them He then held his Solo cup up towards her. “To the users and abusers we all have to deal with?” he prompted.

She stared at him for a moment, stunned at this deviate from what the rumors she’d heard told her to expect of him, before chuckling a bit. “Fucking cheers, I’ll drink to that,” she laughed, tapping her cup against his and taking a huge swig. It took all her self-control and pride to not spit it back out with how strong the taste of boozes was.

She spent the rest of that night hovering in the back with him, the two of them making fun of James and some of the other party-goers. She found that he was a lot funnier than people gave him credit for, his dry, blunt delivery leaving her wheezing every time. And she knew it wasn’t just because she had more liquor in her system than she should have. They bailed out to the roof for a bit to star gaze, swapping slurred stories and more saliva than they should have. When campus security showed up to shut the party down, they bailed out the back together, dipped to his apartment, and ended up hooking up on his couch. They had agreed early on that if it happened, it happened. They both wanted to get under James’ skin and, as petty as it was, seemed like a good enough reason.

The next morning, he actually ran down to the convenience store near his apartment to get her some ginger ale and said nothing when she scarfed down four plain slices of his sandwich bread.

“Sorry I wasn’t prepared for this,” he mumbled as she took another swig from her bottle. When all she gave him was a confused glance, he had flushed and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, but… I don’t really do this all that often.”

“The drinking or the hooking up?” she asked bluntly.

She kind of liked how the flush crept all the way to the tips of his ears at her brashness. “Both,” he admitted.

She tilted her head a bit at him, taking another sip of her ginger ale. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a good job. I mean, I don’t do this often myself, so I guess I wouldn’t know, but still,” she rambled, fiddling with the cap of the bottle as she spoke.

He had smiled and leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Well, as long as you’re giving me a passing grade, I’ll take it,” he said.

And, ever since then, they’d fallen into a certain habit.

They hung out sober and got along great, which was nice. Katie still hung out with her old friends, but sometimes it felt hard. Nadia seemed adamant in wanting to pretend all the unpleasantness hadn’t happened at all, try and pretend things were the way they used to be. She would try to get the group together like how it used to be, inviting James and Ina along, and Katie would then have to scramble with finding a way out. Most of the time, those were the nights she’d end up calling Keith up and creeping into his bed with him.

Not that it was a one-way affair. There had been quite a few nights where the shoe had been on the other foot, too.

She appreciated that they felt comfortable enough with each other to essentially use each other that way and not take it personally. Perhaps it was because they treated one another as friends outside of the bedroom and occasionally did things together. Perhaps it was because they didn’t have a prior history before that. Regardless, though, she knew she was going to be sad when things between them ended. A part of her told her to do it sooner rather than later. She could already feel herself catching feelings, and the last thing she needed was another heartache so soon.

He wasn’t anything like any of the other guys she had been interested in before. She was normally attracted to guys like James Griffin; guys that, for the most part, seemed to have a clean appearance and approach to life. They didn’t go getting into trouble, maintained top-ranking grades, always made sure to dot their ‘I’s and cross their ‘T’s. She thought it was a nice balance with her, who had a bad tendency of running her mouth and getting scatterbrained from time to time. They helped to balance her out, to help keep her honest. Meanwhile, Keith was a guy with a past littered with confrontation with the authorities – “It’s all juvenile offenses. And I don’t count’em since they aren’t easily accessible,” – and seemed to occasionally get just as lost as she did once he got distracted by something he found more interesting. He had told her how, while working on a rebuild of a motorcycle, he had actually forgotten about dinner until it was nearly midnight, when he finally finished what he was doing.

She let out a quiet sigh as she reached out, gently tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear. “This is what I get for getting attached to people, huh?” she mumbled to herself.

He shifted and she yanked her hand back to herself, quickly letting her legs drop. He let out a quiet grumble and cracked his eyes open. He then reached up with one hand and rubbed at his eyes. “Mornin’,” he mumbled.

“Morning,”

“How long have you been up?” he asked through another yawn as he pushed himself to sit up as well.

“Not very,” she said with a small shrug. She watched him for a moment before turning to get out of bed. “You hungry?”

“Yeah. You offering to cook for once?” he said teasingly, voice raspy with sleep but perking up slightly at the jest in his tone.

“Only if you got the actually got the stuff for French toast in your fridge,” she teased back.

His violet eyes got wide. “Oh, shit,” he breathed in sleepy delight, “I think I do.”

She laughed as she pulled her panties and sweatpants back on, shaking her head.  She told herself that, at least right now, it was okay to indulge a little.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“He didn’t sleep with her,” she blurted out, staring up at the darkened ceiling of Keith’s bedroom. It had only been about four days since last she’d come by. That night, however, Nadia had tricked her. She had promised that it was just going to be the two of them, Lance and Veronica that night, doing a movie marathon at the McClain residence. Just as the first ten minutes of the film played, though, James and Ina had shown up, bringing cookies and ice cream and wine with them.

Katie had excused herself to the bathroom, snuck out the window, and ducked out to Keith’s. Like usual. She called him first, to make sure it was okay, and he had listened patiently as she rambled about James showing up with his new girlfriend. She hadn’t cried about it, thankfully, but had just been pissed that one of her friends would knowingly lie to her like that. She wasn’t ready to be friends with either of them again, not knowing what she knew. He hadn’t asked her anything when he let her in, just kissed her breathless and stupid as he led her to the back.

But, as they’d laid there and caught their breath, she’d seen the questions he wanted to ask but didn’t. He was so damn respectful of her boundaries and privacy that sometimes it kind of scared her. None of the others had been like that and she found that she liked that much more than she thought reasonable.

And, she realized as the words left her lips, she trusted him with it all.

“He didn’t… technically cheat,” she said more softly, for clarification.

“Define technically,” he scoffed.

“Our relationship… It was struggling for a while before he finally ended it. During last term, I took six classes, and… I passed them all, but it was way too much stress. I was snappy all the time, constantly anxious… James would try to help me, encourage me to take breaks and go do something else, like going out with him, but I was so worried about what it would do to my grades and scholarships… Looking back on it, I must have been a nightmare to deal with,” she admitted.

“Sounds like he couldn't deal with not being your top priority,” Keith scoffed.

“What do you mean?” she asked, shifting to lay on her side and look at him.

“I’m not saying that he shouldn’t have been a priority,” he said evenly, “but he should have also respected that your academics were important. I mean, you’re trying to get your degree so you can have your dream job. Shouldn’t he want to encourage that? I mean, maybe it means you two had to spend some time apart, but there were other ways around it. He could have offered to help you study or something like that.”

She stared at him for a moment before shifting closer, ducker her head to rest against his shoulder. “Is this… Is this okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” He said, moving to gently loop an arm around her waist, his hand stroking along her back.

She closed her eyes and tied to will herself to relax, to enjoy his warmth. To think he’d understood what she’d wanted… He really was going to break her heart.

[jchb32273]

Fictober 2019 - Day 5

Fanfiction - Dragon Age AO3 Link

Still a day late... hope to catch up soon!! Nevertheless, hope you enjoy...

I Might Just Have To Kiss You

~~~~~

Alistair stood at the entrance to the large gymnasium on campus. There was a large fundraiser and donation going on to help the poor of Denerim for the holiday season. Canned and boxed goods, blankets, warm clothing… they were all being sorted and organized by people.

He saw Bull carrying some of the heavier boxes, Dorian by his side as usual. Fenris, Morrigan, Anders, Isabela, and Hawke were all helping to sort clothing for male, female, and child sizes. There were a few other people he knew, Dagna and Sandal, two young dwarves, were folding blankets. At the far end of the gym, Leliana and dorm mother Wynne were both collecting money.

Behind them, clipboard in hand and organizing the whole affair… was Kylara.

Alistair couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Like a thirsty man in a desert, he gazed at her as though she were an oasis filled with fresh water. It had been three weeks since the dinner party at Maric’s and she still had not called or texted him.

I know I said I’d give her time, but this complete radio silence is driving me crazy. He watched her as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and pushed her glasses up with her index finger. Such simple gestures, but they gave him a funny ache in his chest. What is it about her? Why can I not stop thinking about her?

He shifted the large box that he’d been resting on one hip. Guess I should drop off my donations and maybe see if she will be willing to talk to me. No time like the present. He moved the box so that it was now supported by both of his hands and headed into the gym. He approached all three women.

“Afternoon, ladies,” he gave a smile, but when Kylara didn’t look up, it faded a bit. “I, um… have a donation to offer.” Alistair set the box on the ground.

Leliana walked up to him. “Oh, thank you, Alistair.” He could hear her putting emphasis on his name, but Kylara continued to stare at her clipboard. He saw Leli sigh. She then looked through the box. “Why, these clothes look brand new! Are you sure you want to donate these?”

“Yes. I don’t need them. They will better serve those who go without in this cold weather.” He then pulled out his wallet and handed several large bills to Wynne. “Here, I hope this helps as well.”

Wynne counted the amount and gasped. “Well, this is most generous of you, young man. This will benefit many needy people. Thank you very much!”

Alistair continued to stand there in silence, staring at Kylara. Finally, he took those few steps towards her. “Kylara?” He saw her hands tighten on the clipboard. “Do you have a moment?”

“Yes, she does,” Leliana said, taking matters into her own hands. She snapped the clipboard out of my hands. “You’ve been working since early morning. Take a break already.” She then shoved me towards Alistair.

I immediately stumbled and fell forward. Alistair quickly caught me. Then he saw what had caused me to trip. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. Anger bubbled under the surface as he knelt down and carefully began to undo the knots.

“Sera!” Leliana bellowed. An elf with short-cropped hair giggled like mad as she ran out of the gym. “That girl is such a troublemaker!” Leli sighed and asked, “Kylara? Are you all right? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice she’d done that.”

“I’m fine,” I grumbled. “I’m used to this by now.”

Alistair had finished undoing the knots and had retied the laces of my sneakers properly. “But you shouldn’t have to be used to it,” he said. “They shouldn’t treat you this way, especially when you work so hard!”

I looked up at Alistair, my eyes shiny with unshed tears. “What do you want, Alistair? I have a lot of work to do…”

“Please, take a walk with me?” Alistair asked quietly.

“Oh, all right.”

I let him lead me to the back of the gym, where there were several storage closets, small offices, and the entrances to the locker rooms. There, in the dark hallway, he stopped. “I know I said I’d wait for you to call or text me, Kylara, but… three weeks and I hear nothing from you. It’s been driving me crazy.”

“Why?” I murmured. “Is it because I still have your jacket? I have it in the ‘Not To Donate’ box by Wynne…”

“My… oh. No, it isn’t because of that.” He took a deep breath and then said, “It is because I… I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I just stared at him. “Why?” I asked again. “What is so special about me?! I am persona non grata here! I am the butt of everyone’s jokes! They keep telling me I am nothing but a waste of space…”

“And yet here you are, single-handedly organizing this fund-raiser and collection drive for the poor! To me, that speaks of drive, dedication, determination.”

“No one will remember it was me who did all of this. They’ll likely give all the credit to Leliana. She was out there verbally announcing it on the school radio station. I was just the quiet nerd in the background with a clipboard in my hand…”

“Kylara, why do you let them drag you down like this? You know it was you who did all of this. You should have pride in that accomplishment! You are a top student here! I have heard teachers speak very highly of you here on campus. Even my professors are hoping to get you in their classes once you advance! That speaks volumes about the kind of person you really are! You have friends who care too. Cullen, Leliana… even my bandmates all speak highly of you now. It took them a while to warm up to you, yes… but once they got to know you…”

He took a deep breath and then said, “Then there is me. I know there is something special about you… and I… I have come to care for you. A great deal, in fact. You are my friend, but lately… lately, I have started thinking that maybe I want a little more than just friendship…”

Once again, Zevran’s warning popped into my mind and I shivered. Maybe it was because Maric didn’t approve of me… and he used Zevran to try and scare me away? “B-but what about your… father? I know he doesn’t appr- ”

Alistair’s eyes glinted. “I don’t care what he thinks. He may be half of the biological contribution that gave me life, but he didn’t raise me. I was one who took care of myself all of those years… so as far as I am concerned, he doesn’t get any say about this part of my life.”

“But…”

“But nothing. It hurts me to hear you talk down about yourself. I want you to give serious thought about giving me a chance to prove…” he trailed off and briefly looked behind me.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Mistletoe. There, on the door behind you.” I glanced behind me and saw he spoke true. There was a sprig attached to the office door I’d been leaning against. My hair must have been covering it before. Alistair gave me a gentle smile and murmured, “I’ll take that as a sign. I might just have to kiss you now…” He slowly lowered his face down to mine.

I kept thinking that I should move; that I shouldn’t encourage this… but instead, my eyes closed and I waited.

It seemed to take an eternity, but then I felt his lips brush against mine in a feather-light kiss. I felt him pull away and at first, was a little disappointed... but then his lips came back, this time pressing in a bit firmer. Now I gasped a tiny bit and my lips parted, giving him even more access. He took his time, each caress of his mouth against mine making my breath hitch and my heart pound. Never before had anything affected me so profoundly.

After what seemed an eternity, yet was probably no more than a few minutes, he slowly pulled away from me. I felt slightly dizzy and could hardly focus my eyes on his face. He seemed to be feeling something similar because I saw him swallow a couple of times, his Adam's apple bobbing.

Finally, he whispered, “I… hope that wasn’t too soon. Maker’s Breath, but that was… amazing. You are amazing, Kylara.” He brushed his lips against mine one more time. “Now I know I want more… and I hope you will be willing to give us a try.” He took a step back and gently touched the side of my face. “You deserve it.”

We headed back to the main part of the gymnasium. Alistair gave my hand a quick squeeze and quietly said to me, “I have to get going now, but I hope I might hear from you later.” He then reached down and took his tux jacket out of the box I had spoken of.

“Thank you again for your generous donations, young man,” Wynne said.

Alistair nodded. “You are very welcome.” Then he left the gym.

Back in his car, he sat behind the wheel thinking about the soft kiss he’d just shared with Kylara. Heat bloomed in his cheeks and a grin spread on his face. Just then a scent wafted up to his nose. Roses and vanilla. He picked up his tux jacked and sniffed again. It smelled like her. His smile grew even wider.

Just then his phone chirped, indicating a text message. He carefully put his jacket down and got his phone out of his jeans pocket.

It was one word, but it made his heart thump in his chest.

Yes.

[saintmachina]

What were some parts of seminary that you liked, versus ones you didn’t? I’m thinking about my future (read: freaking tf out) and I know I want to study theology in some way, I’m just not sure how exactly, ya feel?

Thanks for the question! Your mileage may vary: I went to a Princeton Seminary, which I would categorize as a theologically/politically moderate, academic, traditional Western-style seminary. Seminary culture varies WIDELY from school to school, so keep that in mind when choosing between, say, a Princeton, which may be a more insular academic community focused on research and internships, and a Fuller, which may be a larger community more integrated with the surrounding city concerned with practical training for missionaries, worship leaders, and Christian artists. This is NOT to say that you can’t learn to be an awesome worship leader at PTS (I know them) or an awesome theology professor at Fuller, but make sure you shop around for your particular cultural, career, and academic needs. 

Things I Loved

The residential experience. Nearly all students at PTS live in beautiful on-campus housing or in apartments specialized for families with children just a few miles away. Living a few minutes walk from the library, my professors’ offices, and the chapel was amazing, especially since students at PTS tend to be sociable with the others who live on their hall. I would often spend my evenings studying with friends in their dorm rooms, and since everyone on campus at any given time tends to eat their meals in the cafeteria together, I formed a strong clique of ten or so people who unpacked my readings + spiritual crises with me at the lunch table. 

Spiritual friendships. I was able to make deeper friends than ever before in my life from a variety of denominational and theological backgrounds. We saw each other through vocational shifts, prayed with each other, administered the Eucharist to each other, celebrated birthdays and ordinations together, and stayed up late into the night when anyone needed us. I would literally drive across the country to bail any of them out of jail at a moment’s notice.  

The emotional crucible. Seminary is bootcamp for the soul. You get exposed to so many new ideas and theologies, learn how to preach, sit at people’s bedside while they’re sick, pull together responses for every new act of violence in the news, and most of the time, are thrust into a leadership role at a church that is either going under and begging you to save them or so large and thriving that it nearly swallows you whole. Nothing will grow you up like that. I have an insane amount of poise now dealing with other people’s crises, rage, or grief, and that wasn’t the case when I matriculated. Pastors are all making it up as we go along, but seminary gives at least the appearance of sage wisdom under pressure. 

Academic engagement with theology. This one seems obvious, but after spending four years in a secular liberal arts university that was tolerant of my enduring interest in religion but didn’t offer me an outlet for it, seminary was balm in Gilead. I loved being able to dig into what I really cared about directly, be that metaphysics, church history, or the Bible as literature, and I thrived being surrounded by other people who cared about it and did the reading and wanted to explore together. 

Freedom to research what I wanted. There are plenty of demanding intro-level courses that throw you to the ground and kick you while you cry into your notecards (New Testament, what’s good) but it was fun being on that ride with the rest of your small cohort, and upper-level classes offered chances to research what you cared about. I got to present research on astrology in the book of Daniel, queer American Muslim communities, IVF treatments and theology in Ghana, overlap in myths about Odin and Jesus, and I did an independent research study linking the emergent church to the spike in Millennials re-discovering the Episcopal and Catholic churches.The library was stuffed to the brim with books I would kill for. What a treat.

The melting pot. PTS DEFINITELY has its ideological and admissions biases but they do work hard to create a diverse student body, and I was close with students from so many different counties, denominations, ethnicities, and political leanings, which was enriching beyond belief. It was one of the big reasons I chose a seminary degree. That said, not all schools skew diverse, and I was very specific about choosing a seminary that was explicitly affirming of women in ministry and the goodness and wholeness of LGBTQ+ folks, so I knew that I would be supported by general school policies. Getting that information up front is important. 

Access to university resources. This one is PTS specific, but I went to a independent seminary closely linked to and basically on the same campus as Princeton University (they were the same school back in the 1800s until an amicable split, but we’re still cozy). This meant that I had access to Princeton U libraries, free events, lectures, and religious life, and I was a member of the Episcopal Church at Princeton U for most of my time at seminary. People bribe admissions officials or work themselves to nervous breakdown to get access to the resources I had at my fingertips, and I don’t take that for granted. 

The aesthetic. If I’m gong to take tens of thousands dollars of loans out for graduate school you bet you’re ass I’m going to be sitting in American Hogwarts while I do it. 

Things I Did Not

The cliquishness. This one is a double-edged sword, because I thrived on having a clique of high-functioning. highly-educated pastors who ate at the same lunch table and gossiped about the same people and showed up to campus parties in a gang, but that’s not always healthy. People tended to fragment off by denomination or where they fall on the liberal-conservative scale, and differences can fester that way. Students of color were often implicitly excluded from certain spaces through this behavior. Humans skew towards tribalism to begin with, but when you put super socially-oriented people with strong beliefs in one space where they have to live on top of each other and are looking for low-effort socializing after a long day in the trauma ward, confessional, or picket line, it gets worse. 

Imposter syndrome. Maybe it’s grad school in general that does this, but I spent most of my degree fighting off the feeling that I was dumb, lazy, not serious enough about my “calling” or my research, and probably a heretic. Part of my character growth came from learning not to give a fuck about what people who didn’t share my passions thought of them, and from realizing that I wasn’t on the ordination or PhD track like most of my peers, and that was okay. So I grew from this, but it stung like hell. I cried a lot.

No handholding. The professors at PTS were, by and large, old school, and they were busy as hell. While there was opportunities for office hours, most engagement with professors came in the performative form of “a question, well, more of a comment really” during lectures. Students, (mostly men, I’m not going to lie to you) scrambling for a good letter of rec for a PhD tended to monopolize whatever time professors had. I can think of exceptions (Ellen Charry was exceptional and made time for me in her home when I was struggling to unpack antisemitic theology) but it was a far cry from the literature department in my undergrad, where professors were accessible and knew me personally as mentors and friends. 

Caregiver burnout. This is my big one, and is the reason I’m still in recoup mode doing the office job thing instead of working in formal ministry. Everyone at my school was a pastor, hospital chaplain, activist, or social worker. We are the people who care so much, and who are constantly doing emotional labor for those around us with no time off and usually, poor personal boundaries. Working in a field where it is your job to hold everyone’s hurt and be the face of God to them while their life falls apart is….hard. It was not unusual for me to work ten hours at Penn on my feet in campus ministry, helping people sort through whether or not they wanted to report their sexual assault, holding mini-interventions about excessive drinking, and scrambling to re-schedule worship night after my volunteer went to the hospital after a suicide attempt, and then ride the train home while my phone blew up with news of a new mass shooting that I would have to help host a candlelight vigil for. You hold your parishioner’s hand while they die in hospice. You watch social services take your client’s children away. You stand still while someone screams at you for being too political in your sermon, or not political enough. You sit down to do the budget only to realize the beloved pastor who just retired had been embezzling. Typical Tuesday. 

A lot of the items on these lists are specific to my temperament and the culture at PTS, but by and large I would say it was an amazing experience well worth my time, effort, and money. I pushed myself academically beyond what I believed I was capable of, made the deepest friends of my life, found a home denomination, learned how to effectively care for others and myself, and was met by God in transformative ways again and again. Someday I may get that ordination or work for a ministry nonprofit again, but I have skills now that no one can take away from me, skills I use every day in some capacity. 

Good luck in your discernment process, and I pray you find yourself in exactly the place you need to be!

[geneseoabroad]

Paris, France- Whitley

1) Why did you decide to Study Abroad? Specifically, what made you choose to go to Paris? 

I wanted to study abroad because I’ve grown up traveling around the United States with my family, and I wanted to broaden my horizons. Coming from a very small town, I never experienced much diversity, and I really wanted to change that while in college. I chose to study in Paris because I have a minor in French, and I wanted to improve my language skills. I also thought the city was the perfect home point in Europe to be able to travel to other countries.

2) What was your favorite part about Paris? 

It’s hard to pick one favorite thing in regard to one of the most beautiful cities in the world. The food was amazing, and I could happily live off of bread and cheese for the rest of my life. I loved the architecture. Around every corner was a new beautiful building. It made me appreciate being more present; I wasn’t on my phone as often because I was too busy admiring the city around me, 

3) Describe a day in the life of a student in Paris? 

Paris universities are different from American universities because students don’t have on- campus housing. That requires daily transportation to classes. Luckily, Paris has one of the best public transportation systems, and it’s very easy to get everywhere, whether it be by train, bus, or bike. Classes were lecture style, with a teacher in the front talking to roughly 60-100 students. I never had homework, my grade was just defined by my final exam and a final paper. After class you’ll find students gathering at the local cafes to sit on the terrace to enjoy an espresso or an aperitif, or find a quiet spot on the Seine to read. As a Parisian student you also get free access to nearly every major museum in the city! 

4) What were your accommodations like? 

I lived in Foyer Des Etudiants, which is similar to an American dorm style building, though I didn’t live on campus, and not everyone went to the same school. Students in this building came from around the world. I lived in a double room, and my roommate was from Lebanon. We each had our own bed, desk, and dresser and closet, and we shared a sink and a mini fridge. Toilets and showers were down the hall, and there was a small kitchen on each floor for students to cook in. My building also had a library free to anyone who lived there, as well as laundry, a piano, and a workout room in the basement. There was also a beautiful balcony on the top floor that had a view of the entire city, where we could sit and watch as the sun sets behind the Eiffel Tower. 

5) Did you do any traveling while abroad in Paris? Where? 

I made it my mission while studying abroad to travel to as many new countries as I could. The amazing thing about Europe is that travel is very easy. Going to a new country is like going to a neighboring state in America; everything is nearby and relatively affordable. While abroad, I traveled to Austria, Slovakia, Germany, Czech Republic, Italy, England, and various parts of Northern and Southern France. Each country was a unique experience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. 

6) What is one thing you wish you could have done differently? 

“Do it. And if you’re scared, do it scared.” During the start of my abroad experience I was very anxious about living on my own in a new country. For the first week or two I would call my parents every day and was too scared to walk farther than the street I lived on. Gradually, I began to walk farther, and discovered the wonderful nooks and crannies of Paris. I wish I had forced myself to go off of my street earlier, because then I could have had more time finding cute cafes or fun bookstores to spend my afternoons in, or a hidden park to sit under the sun with my baguette and a glass of wine. I did it eventually, I only wish I had done it sooner. 

7) What did you enjoy doing in your free time? 

When we didn’t have class, my friends and I would often have picnics in one of Paris’s many parks. We would stop at the nearest Monoprix and purchase a bottle of wine and some cheese, and then stop at a local boulangerie for a fresh baked baguette. We would find a grassy spot to sit, and spend our afternoons laughing and walking the streets of Paris. Other days we would admire the art in the Louvre, or spend hours sitting in front of Monet’s Water Lilies in the Musée de l’Orangerie. When the weather warmed up, we would sit or take walks on the Seine, passing various street artists and musicians. 

8) What is one thing that anyone interested in going to Paris that they should know? 

ALWAYS say “bonjour” when entering. It doesn’t matter where you’re entering: the grocery store, your apartment building, an office, the bus, a café… You always say bonjour when walking into a new place. It is a part of the Parisian culture, and they take it very seriously. Don’t be surprised if someone were to treat you with less respect if you didn’t say bonjour when you walk in. Not doing so is considered rude and is a clear indicator that you are not from Paris, and are not adapting to their culture. 

9) What was something you didn’t expect to experience while abroad in Paris? 

How friendly the Parisian people are. There’s an unfortunate stereotype that Parisians are rude and snobby. This could not be farther from true. Parisians just have a different lifestyle than Americans. They’re much more reserved and focus on one activity at a time whereas in America we have all become experts at multi-tasking. If you make an effort to be friendly with the shop owners and neighbors around you, you hear a lot of amazing stories from people and their travels around the world, and it’s a really special experience. Always be open to new people and experiences. 

10) How has studying abroad impacted your life? 

Studying abroad has made me a more confident person. Previous to this experience I had never traveled alone before. Now I feel more confident in being able to rely on myself. Going to a foreign country can be scary, but it will ultimately be worth it. Going outside of your comfort zone is the best form of personal growth, and you’ll make many new friends along the way. 

11) Would you recommend that other students study abroad in Paris? Why? 

I’m biased but I think everyone should study abroad in Paris. It’s a beautiful city and there’s always something to do. Paris is also perfect for students who aren’t fluent in French. While most people in the city will speak French to you, many people are also fluent in English as a second language. Because the city is so popular for tourists there is a plethora of language specific tours, restaurants, and activities that people can participate in. Paris is also perfect because it’s a central European city, so you can catch a cheap flight to nearly any other European city. And if there isn’t a flight, there are trains and overnight buses. If anything, everyone needs to go to Paris at least once just to try the bread; Once you have a true Parisian baguette with French butter you can never go back to normal bread.

[tetrakys]

Five Songs - Chapter 2: Lips on You

I walked into the bar and right away started to feel overwhelmed and a little insecure. Going dancing alone wasn’t really my thing, I usually preferred to be surrounded by friends and goof around the dancefloor together. This, however, wasn’t one of those nights. 

I was angry, really angry, and needed to let off some steam. I made way in the crowd towards the bar to get some liquid courage. Either the line was shorter than I imagined or the low cut and sheer fabric of my shirt had something to do with it, but the barman served me right away. 

I almost chocked on the shot I was taking because I thought I saw a familiar figure in the corner of my eye. No, no, no… I wasn’t going to allow him to ruin my night again! No, I wasn’t going to turn around and check if that was really him. I wasn’t going to engage him and allow him to treat me like an idiot, I said my piece at the café, I was done!

I took a second shot and made my way towards the dance floor. The area was crowded and the air very hot, I pushed my hair on one shoulder and started swaying my hips to the sound of a rock song I didn’t recognise. It was really dark but sometimes a flash of light showed my surroundings. Many bodies moving, touching, loosing themselves in the rhythm, and I let myself loose too. My brain finally shut up and my movements got more sensual, nothing else existed aside from pure instinct. 

I saw a tall guy approach me with clear intent in his eyes, and I thought that was exactly what I needed, cheap distraction. I didn’t try to stop him when he got close enough to touch me, however something else did. He looked a little scared and raised his hands in a clear yielding gesture, turning on his heels and leaving. I got a pretty good idea of what was going on but decided to ignore anything and anyone who might or might not be behind me and kept dancing. Maroon 5’s “Lips on You” started playing, I closed my eyes and got lost into the music again.

I felt a presence at my back and a soft touch on my elbows. His fingers caressed my arms… slowly… sexually, and I felt a shiver running up my spine. I know I was supposed to stop him, some small part of my brain, the one that was still functioning, was trying to remind me that I was still very mad at him, however I was far too gone, lost to the music and his touch. 

While the words “when I put my lips on you” were playing from the speakers he put his own lips on me, in the hollow of between neck and shoulder. I felt my skin burning where he was leaving small kisses and, despite my resolve, I titled my head to give him better access. His lips slowly travelled the length of my neck until they reached my ear where he whispered “You are too sexy for your own good, I was going to break his face.” I sighed… always so possessive my Castiel.

He put his arms around my waist, caging me in his embrace. I swayed my hips against him and heard a low groan escape his lips, proving that I was affecting him as much as he was doing to me. He put his hands on my hips and started moving against me and I felt exactly how much I was affecting him. I reached behind me, tangled my fingers in his hair and pushed his head lower, towards my face. When his lips where just an inch away from mine I smiled mischievously and, raising on the tips of my feet I said to his ear “I though you didn’t like dancing”.

I felt one of his hands reaching the hem of my shirt, slipping under it. I caught my breath when I felt his fingers caressing my belly and heard him chuckle and whisper “I have always loved you more than I hated anything else”. I went still in his arms, shocked by his words “I’m sorry for tonight, I was an idiot. I saw you alone with him, and I stopped thinking. The truth is… I have not been able to think straight since I saw you at my concert and knew you were back in town. Please forgive me.”

A couple of seconds went by while I stared into nothing trying to make sense of his words. Then, still in his arms, I turned around, tangled both my hands in his hair and pushed his face towards mine. I attacked his lips with my own, hungry, desperate. After a second of frozen surprise he quickly caught up and started kissing me with the same burning desire, his hands under my shirt on my back, pushing my chest towards his. It was like we were trying to make up for four stupid dull years in a single moment, and only the knowledge that we were in a very public place stopped us from going any further. 

I don’t know for how long we went on kissing on that dancefloor, it could have been hours or mere minutes when the music stopped and we noticed the people around us starting to move towards the entrance. I was breathing heavily and my lips felt bruised and raw. I looked him in the eyes for the first time since our fight and I saw him staring at me with that same look I recognised from so many years ago, a teasing, sarcastic and slightly annoyed look that was so typically Castiel but that hid something else when it was directed at me, hunger, desire and… love, simply love. I suddenly got scared. “I… I should go. It’s getting late” and ran towards the exit.

I was running in the streets when I felt him grab my wrist forcing me to turn towards him. I stood there shocked, I knew he could easily catch up with me, but I didn’t think he would do it, it wasn’t like him. “Not so fast little girl, you are not getting rid of me again. I’m not letting you run away a second time.”

I didn’t know what to say “We… we can’t Castiel. I… I can’t do this.” I hid my face in my hands, unable to look at him again.

“Why?” he said softly, such tenderness in his voice, I froze again surprised. He had always been so hot tempered in the past, he had matured so much.

“Our lives… are not compatible. You have your music and soon you’ll be even more famous touring around the country, hundreds of fans throwing themselves at you… you’ll be the one running away, not me.” I felt my eyes start burning all of a sudden, I wasn’t going to cry, never again!

“Little girl… look at me.” He was still soft, but firm, and slightly pissed off, matured or not he was still Castiel. He pushed my hands from my face and forced me to look at him “Do you think I give a shit about any of this? About fame and women? I just want to play my music, and I only see you. It has always been you.”

My voice was shaking when I replied “The first time almost… I am not going to survive a second break up Castiel.”

He pulled one of my hands towards his lips and kissed the centre of my palm. “I am not the same immature 18 years old I was before. Nothing can stop me from getting what I want, and there’s never been anything in my life I have wanted more than you, not even my music.”

I wanted to believe him, so much. But I was too scared to give in. Everything was going too fast, I came back in this town for my studies, my future, I wasn’t going to jeopardise everything for something that had a very high chance of leaving me alone with a broken heart, again.

“Let me go, Castiel… please.” I begged.

“Never” he replied, however he let go of my hand. “But I will let you go home now. You are exhausted after the amazing job you did, I always knew you were talented but you were able to surprise even me tonight.”

I felt flattered but, in a typical Castiel way, he managed to overthrow the compliment with his next few words “You need time to rest and think about me and how much you love me. Your brain is not calibrated to sustain so many emotions in such a short time” he said with a teasing self-assured smile.

I felt some courage get back in me and slightly irritated I said “You are always so sure of yourself Castiel, I never said anything about still loving you or wanting to get back together for all that matter. I have a whole life that doesn’t necessarily involve you.” I turned around, heading towards the entrance of the university campus.

“Sure… and you won’t be dreaming about me tonight and what happened on that dance floor, right?” he said, I could feel the smirk in his tone.

“Correct.” I replied curtly.

“You have always been a poor liar” he teased “I bet you will be tossing and turning in your bed every night until you’ll stop being such a scaredy-cat and run back to me. Don’t worry, little girl, I’m ready to help you with that” he added bragging.

It was just too much “Don’t hold your breath” I said, then added over my shoulder “Actually, yes please hold it” and walked through the dormitory entrance and closed the door in his face.

I thought I had shaken him up, at least a little, but he simply laughed while walking away and said “Game on, little girl.”