#abusive story
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When I was a kid, I regularly lost reading privileges for "having an attitude" and "acting out".
It wasn't as simple as being told not to read during other activities- one of the first times it happened, I remember being six years old, watching my stepfather pull fistfuls of books off my bookshelf and throw them to the floor in a heaping mess while I cried and asked him to stop.
It was weird. Every other adult I knew described me as exceptionally well-behaved, but at home, it was the opposite, and it was blamed on "learning bad habits from that shit you're reading".
Because I couldn't read at home, I spent all my free time at school in the library, reading with my friends.
When I grew up and moved away, I realized that my family life was toxic and abusive, and the "attitudes" I was being punished for were standing up for myself, standing up for my younger siblings, and resisting actual, real-life psychological abuse. Because I'd learned from what I'd read that my family wasn't normal, not like my parents said it was, and in my stories, the heroes were the people who spoke out when it was hard to.
It is insane to me that there are students right now who can't access books. It is insane that books are being outlawed. It is perverse that we are stealing away an entire generation's ability to contextualize their lives, to learn about the world around them, to develop critical thinking skills and express themselves and feel connected to the world or escape from it, whatever and whenever and however they need.
That is not how you raise a compassionate, thoughtful, powerful society.
That's how you process cattle.
It's fucking disgusting.
#I know this is old news but Jesus#Every day I hear more about school book bans and I feels less real#Restriction of information is restriction of freedom#People need stories#Even bad stories#Even tragic or problematic ones#We need to set purity culture on fire I'm not kidding#Abuse mention#Abuse tw
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Honestly, there is a certain type of fetishizing of violence that occurs when you are the victim of abuse - wherein people talk directly to you about how much they fantasize about your abuser/s dying and being killed - "all abusers must be killed!" they say.
As a victim of prolonged abuse, I never felt cared for when people indulged that information to me. It often feels like my abuse is being exploited for others to enact their own violent fantasies and secret desires - my abuse means nothing to them in the same way that I didn't matter to my abusers. It's not support - it's just another cycle of violence.
I'm begging people to care more about victims and survivors than they do about retribution of abusers. Nowhere along the way should your focus on the abuser outweigh the people affected by their abuse. If you truly want to support abuse victims and survivors, start with us
#mental health#abuse#abuse recovery#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#i for one find it SO insulting when people take MY abuse story and make it about THEIR homicidal fantasies toward my abusers#let me be selfish and say: let MY experience if abuse be MINE#that's a position i hold for every victim and survivor. it is YOUR story and you at the LEAST deserve to narrate it as YOU see fit#maybe you DO agree and wouldn't care if your abuser/s died. that's not up to us to decide for you though#and you CERTAINLY don't need other people to speak *for* you about how you ought to feel
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the fox god.
a comic about a trickster.
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creative notes:
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all my other comics
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#cw: emotional abuse#cw: gaslighting#cw: animal death#charity - a god whose name was only ever meant to be ironic#i love playing with the concept of religion like this#im not religious at all but i did go to a christian school for twelve years#and i remember learning about the story of abraham. who long story short gets told by god to kill his son to prove his love for god.#and at the veeeery last minute god goes sike! this was a test to see if you'd do it! here's a lamb to slaughter instead#but the whole concept of that exchange in and of itself is so#anyway#one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.#it's just “fox”. which was a small touch to indicate that he never acknowledged cunning's identity outside of being something exploitable.#but for all charity's hidden disdain for cunning#he still stole all his strengths and coveted them. he became known as the fox god.#so maybe some part of cunning survived. despite everything.#“give me your heart.”#“my god. it had always been yours.”#comic art#hearteaters#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics#one more comic to go until im finished with this collection!!
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None of our hands are clean
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled.
I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1. the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “...You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside.
Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY
#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens season 2#good omens 2#GO2#GO2 spoilers#ineffable husbands#not me going to my basically unused sideblog that isn't GO related because I NEED TO YELL THIS SOMEWHERE#I mean outside of the relationship thing there are so many ways#that Nina and Crowley line up and Zira and Maggie#but the girls story isn't about them as people#it's about this relationship the boys are tryna push on them and what that relationship reflects about the boys#anyway I'm on my first rewatch for all the clue I missed#so I imagine I'll only spot more clues to berate myself about as I go#HOW DID I FALL FOR ITTTTTT#I can't believe I was so blind#OFC the Disaster Puppy Lesbian was Crowley#and OFC the Emotionally Abused Tortoise was Aziraphale
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I feel like many people have a fundamental misconception of what unreliable narrator means. It's simply a narrative vehicle not a character flaw or a sign that the character is a bad person. There are also many different types of unreliable narrators in fiction. Being an unreliable narrator doesn't necessarily mean that the character is 'wrong', it definitely doesn't mean that they're wrong about everything even if some aspects in their story are inaccurate, and only some unreliable narrators actively and consciously lie. Stories that have unreliable narrators also tend to deal with perception and memory and they often don't even have one objective truth, just different versions. It reflects real life where we know human memory is highly unreliable and vague and people can interpret same events very differently
#the way some people (usually lestat fans lol) talk about louis being an unreliable narrator has frustrated me#i still insist louis' unreliableness is mostly subtle (passing quickly over things he doesn't want to think about#presenting things that factually happened in a way he can build a story that makes sense to him#not knowing what lestat is thinking and feeling so interpreting him differently than lestat himself probably would)#rather than he's telling something that didn't really happen or is under armand's mind control or something#like for example i think it's been made very clear all the abuse really happened they're not gonna suddenly pull the rug from under it#if anything i feel lestat is going to turn out to be even worse than louis perceived him when we hear people who are not in love w him lol#keanu.txt
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another natsuri doodle dump
#tw physical abuse#ddlc#yuri ddlc#ddlc natsuki#natsuri#yuri x natsuki#natsuki x yuri#doki doki literature girls#ddlc side stories#waveglox's art#doki doki literature club#doki doki natsuki#doki doki yuri#ddlc spoilers
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There’s a very easy way to get around the fact that Assad is unable to pass for a teeenager if the show wants to adapt TVA and that’s to rely on the theme of unreliable narration. Armand begins retelling his history and according to him, he looked like he was in his early adulthood. No older than twenty four, for sure, but also not any younger than twenty. And then, just when the audience has bought it, just when this version of events has been presented as the truth for long enough, someone questions it. Asks if he really looked like that. Asks if he’s being honest with himself. And for the briefest moment, we flashback to Amadeo, the age he was when Marius first saw him. Beaten, shackled, afraid. And undeniably a child.
#allows you to have a TVA storyline where an age appropriate performer is acting it all out#since we CANNOT have Armand’s story portrayed by an actual child#but you just know Armand imagines himself as an adult. he blames himself. he was grown he had agency#but the truth is he was a child. a child who was abused and assaulted and forced to endure horror on horror#and this way you get the story AND the impact of ‘oh. you were a child. this happened to you and you were a child’#and you know he’s lying but this time it’s sympathetic to him. he lies because he has to#because admitting the truth will just shatter him#and I don’t think it should be Daniel to say ‘that’s not true. is it?’#(personally I think it should be Louis. who knows him so incredibly well. and that can be the place for forgiveness#for a reminder that Armand is horrible because of the horrors. and Louis accepting that and being properly let in for the first time.#77 years but only now and here is when I properly see you. and now we can love each other right.)#iwtv#interview with the vampire#Armand#tva#the vampire armand
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I desperately need a comic or a novel about Noatak after he ran away from home :’( wanna know more about his early life
#my art#tlok#legend of korra#noatak#amon#I keep giving him new outfits cause I can’t decide what design would look the best on him lol#also found THE perfect brush to draw water with :3c#my headcanon is that he started off as a vigilante and fought benders who abused their powers#gonna explore more of the story in my head
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Uhm is Chimmy Changa doing well? Its seems he has started to divert from what changelings are supposed to do and act like is the static not staticing correctly is he become aware that something is wrong?
Diverting? Well we can’t have that!!!!
Don’t worry. I’ve increased the noise since our last interference. If it happens again, we will issue a good reset!! Thank you for your report.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop mrs turner#fop timmy#chimmy changa#timmy turner#mrs turner#tw verbal abuse#tw victim blaming#tw parental abuse#asks#hrm hrm hrm hrmmmmmmmmm#thank god chimmy came back to me in time for me to finish this big update#i think after this there's only 7-8 more updates left#for this specific part of chimmy's story#it might stretch more depending on the asks though#but otherwise the plot moves forward!!!!!!#oh fun fact. i just discovered that not every place clenas out their driveways!#i grew up with my family cleaning out our drive way bcs of car oils#but other places have garages where they store their cars so they dont have to clean the driveway!!!#wacky!!!!!!!!#anyways the turners clean out their driveway pavement bcs theyre classy like that#got the best house in the neighborhood!!!#and on timmy's dime!!!!!!!!!!!!#itty bitties fop au
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on a real note that bit near the end of the video was genuinely haunting. hearing somerton talk about how gay writers are erased from history was one thing (with all the irony being that he stepped on the backs of numerous underpaid, underprivileged and uncredited queer writers to build his youtube channel) but when h revealed it wasn't even somerton's quote in the first place? the worst, most crushing sort of irony. how do you lament about the erasure of gay people and gay writers in history... whilst erasing a gay writer and taking his words as your own?
#it's genuinely unconscionable and its given me a lot to think about#i found somerton through his video essay on killing stalking#one of my favourite psychological horrors#i was overjoyed to find someone who seemed to recognise it for the dark character study of trauma and abuse that it was#and not a love story#now all i want to do is go back to that video and search up the phrases in google#to see who really wrote those words and phrases that got to me so deeply#fuck man . what a disappointment#james somerton#hbomberguy#veetxt
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the attitude of the pjo fandom about tv!gabe is giving me flashbacks to that one ttc scene where percy meets frederick chase and he's like "annabeth told me you were abusive???why dont you look abusive??"
#moral of the story is that abuse comes in diff forms ig#but the parallel was so funny#percy jackson#annabeth chase#pjo#rick riordan#percabeth#pjo fandom#pjo tv show#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo tv series#annabeth percy jackson#heroes of olympus#percy pjo#percy series#percy and annabeth#perseus jackson#annabeth#kronos#titans curse#pjo books#percy jackson fandom
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Criston Cole is a knight of common birth in a medieval, feudalist world who rose to the highest position a knight could hold in the realm, who was pressured into sex with the member of the royal family directly responsible for his position as Kingsguard, resulting in him almost ending his life out of guilt for breaking his vow.
Alicent Hightower is a grown up child bride to an older king who was forced to perform her duties no matter the hour, who visibly disassociated during the act, who never had the luxury of thinking of her own desires at any point in her life, who birthed and raised her babies while still a child herself.
I would ask this show to explore how these two individuals overcame their sexual trauma and ingrained beliefs about duty and sex to start an extremely active sexual relationship but I know deep down that this is as far as the writers want to go with these characters in relation to this pairing:
#I really want to love alicole but the show doesn't#there really is an empowering story for survivors here about finding yourself and pleasure after abuse#but the show is not gonna tell that story#this stuff is just for the shock value and messy drama I know it deep down#hotd critical#alicole#alicent hightower#criston cole
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can i be real with yall i kind of hate fandom assigned siblingisms because often it’s just used as a signifier of closeness rather than an exploration of any of the things that make siblings narratively interesting imo. and i think a lot of that comes down to the fact that people enjoy the fantasy of relationships that are “naturally” eternal, ie, intimacy without having to do The Work. and i will never shame anyone for indulging a fantasy through fiction, this is just not something that really works for me. where siblings become compelling, imo, is within that unique “eternity” (whether societally imposed or genuinely forged in childhood and blood) and its power to trap and hurt. where the people involved don’t do The Work, or The Work they do isn’t enough. they’re tied together but some wounds take a long time to heal—if they ever do. wounds that they share, or wounds that they inflict on each other
#frogs.txt#this is why i fucking love ace attorney btw if you couldn’t tell#and like i knwo i describe it as kind of dour but it doesn’t have to be! i mean thinking about mia and maya—their relationship is filled#with so much heartwarming love but like. the fact of their relationship’s existence under the inherently violent and abusive fey clan#introduces so much complexity to them#and even still it’s not pessimistic at all! i’m not saying i want dark fucked up siblings necessarily. just stories that engage with like.#what it MEANS to be a sibling. what it means to love your sibling. or what it means to resent them or misunderstand them at the same time#siblingisms should be complicating not flattening
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star sailor 🎇
this was drawn a little over 2 weeks ago as i was in the middle of act 2! it's kind of funny in retrospect hahaha i put the star shaped light on sif as a nod to my vague theory that sif had a star for a heart/soul but lost it. Well it wasn't quite right but there was one line of dialogue going towards that direction? a win is a win
#the story with the boat <3333#even after the whole game that kind of stuck w/ me#just a little guy out in the ocean :(#that and how sif just Knew how to fish#i love fishing. i think isat should update with a fishing mechanic.#one of the things i did Every Loop#this was just a quick scribble but#definitely want to do more star map aesthetic stuff w/ sif#abusing the same color palette?#not me... no way... /s#enough tags rambling haha#in stars and time fanart#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#vague spoilers#isat spoilers#just to be safe#isat act 2 spoilers#siffrin fanart#in stars and time siffrin#artilite#artilite art
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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