#because admitting the truth will just shatter him

[laniidae-passerine]

There’s a very easy way to get around the fact that Assad is unable to pass for a teeenager if the show wants to adapt TVA and that’s to rely on the theme of unreliable narration. Armand begins retelling his history and according to him, he looked like he was in his early adulthood. No older than twenty four, for sure, but also not any younger than twenty. And then, just when the audience has bought it, just when this version of events has been presented as the truth for long enough, someone questions it. Asks if he really looked like that. Asks if he’s being honest with himself. And for the briefest moment, we flashback to Amadeo, the age he was when Marius first saw him. Beaten, shackled, afraid. And undeniably a child.

[maxtermind]

absolutely loved ‘baby, would i still be your lover’, everyone single one got me in my feels! i was wondering would you consider doing a part 2? whether it ends in angst or fluff

I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

★ : summary :: when he accidentally insults you during an argument- aftermath ★ : feat :: max verstappen, lewis hamilton, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris ★ : genre :: hurt/comfort, hints of angst ★ : word count :: 4.3k ★ : a/n :: thank you so much for the love on part 1 💓 some of these have open ending so you can pick whether you'd like to forgive them or not as a reader!! feedback is appreciated :)

( part 1 )

Max Verstappen

You sighed as you sat down to have your morning tea as usual, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. As if you hadn't spent all night long getting your phone spammed with calls that you were ignoring.

After mindlessly roaming around for a bit, you eventually decided to crash at your best friend’s place. You lazily waved at her as she frantically got ready to leave for work. However, you were on your tiptoe as soon as the door opened.

A body that was possibly sleeping while leaning against the door fell inside and you heard curses that you were quite too familiar with. Your heart clenched at the sight of your boyfriend - or perhaps now, your ex-boyfriend - on his knees, nursing the wound on his head. The ache of seeing him in pain reignited the anguish you thought you had left behind.

“Okay,” you heard your friend murmur. “I'm gonna let you guys get to it.” She was out the door a second later.

You looked at the closed door instead of the man who was desperately trying to make eye contact with you.

“How long have you…” You trailed off before deciding that you didn't want to know.

“As soon as you turned your phone off, Y/N! I've been here since last night.” "Why?" you choked out, the words barely escaping your lips as tears threatened to overflow. His brows furrowed before he ran his hands over his face and got up to sit right next to you. You saw his hand itching toward yours and instinctively pulled it towards your body. "Because I needed to see you in person, to talk." He took another deep breath and you later realized that he was trying to stop himself from crying. “I realize I messed up, baby. I.. I never should have let you walk out.” But his attempt to mend the shattered pieces of your relationship only served to reopen the wounds, your walls instinctively rising in defense,"Talk? You think a talk is going to fix everything?" Max's eyes were filled with a mix of regret and desperation as he reached out for your hand, his fingers trembling slightly. "No, I don't think a talk will magically fix everything," he admitted, his voice raw with emotion.

"But it's a start. I need you to know that I'm truly sorry for what happened. I hate myself for hurting you, for making you doubt how much you mean to me."

You couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, the pain of the previous night still too fresh in your mind.

“How can I trust you again, Max? How can I be sure that this won't happen again?" Your voice was barely a whisper, filled with the ache of betrayal.

Max's grip on your hand tightened, his eyes pleading for understanding. "I know I've messed up, Y/N. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust. I'll work on my temper, I’ll be better to you, I'll do anything you ask of me. I just need you to give me another chance." “You know you’ve always been the best to me, right? I just can’t believe that instead of talking it out yesterday, you straight up skipped to breaking up wit-” Fresh tears started falling down your cheeks. Max immediately leaned forward to hold you in his arms and you let him because you needed him. But how could you trust him again? How could you be sure that history wouldn't repeat itself? That he won’t throw away your whole relationship just because the anger got a hold of him? As Max held you close, you felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over you. Part of you wanted to push him away, to scream and shout at him for causing you so much pain. But another part of you craved his warmth, his touch, his presence.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Max whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I know I messed up, and I hate myself for it. I never meant to hurt you, I swear."

You buried your face in his chest, the tears soaking through his shirt as you struggled to make sense of your feelings.

“I just don't know if I can do this anymore, Max," you admitted, your voice muffled against him. Max tightened his embrace, his arms wrapping around you protectively. "I understand," he murmured, his voice gentle. His admission eased your thumping heart a bit, you were glad to have him back. The storm within you finding a momentary calm.

"I made you feel like our relationship was disposable, like breaking up was no big deal. But that couldn't be further from the truth. You're the most important person in my life, baby and the thought of losing you terrifies me. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us, to show you just how much you mean to me. I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust if you still want me."

Lewis Hamilton

The weight of Lewis's words hung heavy in the air, suffocating you as you retreated into the sanctuary of your bedroom. Tears streamed down your cheeks unchecked, your heart aching with a pain you couldn't quite comprehend. How had a day that started with such a promise turned into this? You buried your face in your hands, the sting of Lewis's words feeling like acid running through your veins.

Outside the door, the silence was deafening, broken only by the muffled sound of your sobs. Lewis stood frozen in place, his mind racing as he replayed the exchange in his head.

He couldn't believe the words that had escaped his lips, couldn't fathom how he had allowed his frustration to morph into such hurtful remarks.

Minutes stretched into eternity as Lewis grappled with the weight of his actions, the gravity of his words settling like a lead weight in his chest.

He wanted to reach out to you, to apologize and make things right, but his feet remained rooted to the spot, paralyzed by the magnitude of his mistake.

Inside the bedroom, you were consumed by a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Anger, hurt, betrayal - they all swirled together into an ugly monster, threatening to engulf you whole.

How could the man you loved, the man who had always been your rock, turn on you with such venom?

But beneath the anger and hurt, there was a flicker of doubt, a gnawing fear that maybe Lewis's words held a grain of truth. Maybe you were too insecure, too needy, too demanding. Maybe you were asking for too much, expecting him to be there for you when he had his own priorities and responsibilities. Maybe-

The sound of a soft knock on the door snapped you out of your thoughts, and you looked up to see Lewis standing there, his expression wrought with regret and guilt. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the weight of the unspoken apology hanging heavy in the air. Looking at him distraught made your chest feel worse. How could he make you feel ten fold worse than this and not feel a thing? 

"I'm sorry," Lewis finally whispered, his voice barely audible. "I didn't mean what I said. I was out of line, and I know I hurt you. Please, let me make it right." He rushed through the words.

His words pierced through the haze of your pain, and you felt a bit of heaviness leaving your body. He crossed the room in a few strides, dropping to his knees in front of you, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. 

"I don't know what came over me," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion before your boyfriend took your hand away from your face and kissed your cheeks. "I was so caught up in my own frustrations that I lashed out at you, and I hate myself for it. You don't deserve to be treated that way, especially not by me."

You studied his face, searching for any sign of insincerity, but all you saw was genuine remorse and regret. And despite the pain still raw in your chest, you couldn't deny the love you felt for him, the longing to mend what had been broken between you. “You hurt me,” you whispered but didn’t push him away as he laid down with you, holding you close to his chest. Some of your resolve wavering when you felt his fast heartbeat. “I wanted you there so much.” He nodded as he shushed you, his own eyes dropping tears. “I’m so so sorry, baby. I can't even begin to express how deeply I regret the way I acted the whole day, I know you deserve so much more but-” You shifted slightly, knowing all that you wanted right now was comfort, you didn't want to forgive him or minimize the weight of his actions. "I don't know if I can right now," you replied, your voice trembling with the weight of your emotions.

Lewis's eyes brimmed with tears as he whispered, "Please don't shut me out. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

You felt a pang of guilt at the pain evident in his voice. "I just need some time to process everything," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I understand," Lewis replied, his tone filled with sorrow. "But please know that I'm here whenever you're ready to talk."

You nodded, silently acknowledging his words as you allowed yourself to be enveloped in his comforting embrace. 

"I promise to make it up to you," Lewis vowed earnestly, his voice laced with determination. "I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust."

"I want to believe you," you admitted quietly, your heart heavy with uncertainty. Everything was a little too raw right now and your emotions were all over the place.

"I'll spend every moment proving it to you," Lewis declared, his eyes locking with yours in a silent vow.

“I was thoughtless and cruel today, and I never should have let those words leave my lips. You are not insecure, you are strong and resilient, baby. You deserve so much better than the hurtful words I spoke. Please know that I can’t lose you, Y/N. I will work tirelessly to regain your trust and rebuild what I have so carelessly shattered. You mean the world to me, and I will spend every moment striving to be worthy of your love.”

Carlos Sainz

As you sat nervously in your childhood home, the familiar sights and sounds providing little comfort, your mind raced with thoughts of disappointment and hurt.

For the third time, Carlos had failed to join you in meeting your parents, leaving you to face their questioning looks and unspoken concerns alone. You had rehearsed what you would say to them, how you would explain his absence, but each time, the words caught in your throat, choked by a mixture of frustration and sadness. For the past few days since you walked out of your apartment, you had been ignoring Carlos’ attempts to reconcile with you. The calls and texts he spammed you with were ignored and curses left your mouth as soon as your mind went back to the day of the argument, bringing unwanted tears to your eyes.

In the passing, you saw a Ferrari conference being conducted and as much as you wanted to reach out and talk it out with him, your heart did flips that you were sure you should have visited a doctor for.

Your parents, ever perceptive, noticed your unease as you fidgeted with the napkin in your lap, casting worried glances in your direction. You tried to muster a reassuring smile, but it faltered, betraying the turmoil within you.

How could you explain to them that the man you loved couldn't find the time to meet them, despite his promises and assurances? "What's wrong, sweetie?" your mom asked, concern evident in her voice.

You sighed, hesitating for a moment before replying, "It's Carlos... He like…"

Your dad's brow furrowed. "Is everything okay?"

You tried to muster a reassuring smile. "Yeah, he said that he got caught up with work. You know how busy he is with his racing and all..." Your dad’s brows furrowed when you trailed off, about to ask you what exactly you meant but just as you were steeling yourself to broach the subject, the doorbell rang, startling you from your thoughts.

Your heart sank as you realized it was likely a neighbor stopping by to meet you since you don’t visit that often, you stood up to go greet them. But then, to your disbelief, you heard his voice drifting through the door, before you saw your boyfriend standing right behind it. Your head titled in confusion and you drew a breath that took most of the stress from the previous days away from your body.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, his tone apologetic yet determined. Carlos took your hand and kissed it lightly,"Traffic was a nightmare." “What about the conference that you-” “You’re the most important person in my life, Y/N.” He cut you off before pulling you in and walking to the dining room that was in his vision. As if that was the answer to your question.

You turned to face him, your eyes wide with surprise and a flicker of hope. There he was, looking slightly disheveled but undeniably earnest, his gaze that locked on yours was as if it was seeking forgiveness. You could see the sincerity in his eyes, the regret etched in the lines of his face.

Your parents exchanged a glance, their expressions softening as they took in the sight of Carlos standing before them. 

Despite their reservations about his repeated absences, they couldn't deny the genuine affection that Carlos held in his eyes when he looked at you.

Before you could find the words to respond, Carlos took a step forward, his hand reaching out tentatively. "I'm really sorry, both of you," he said, addressing your parents directly.

"I know how important this is to you, and I should have made more of an effort to be here on time."

His words hung in the air, a silent acknowledgment of his shortcomings and a pledge to do better. You felt a surge of emotion welling up inside you, a mixture of relief, gratitude, and a glimmer of renewed faith in your relationship. "Well, we're just glad you could make it," your dad said, offering Carlos a handshake.

"Thank you for coming, Carlos," your mother said, her voice warm yet cautious. "We understand that life gets busy, but it's important to make time for the people who matter most."

Carlos nodded, his expression earnest as he met her gaze. "I couldn't agree more. Family means putting in effort, I promise to make it up to all of you."

As you sat down to dinner, the atmosphere was tinged with a sense of reconciliation and hope. Your hand still intertwined with his as you saw him charm your family. Despite the rocky start, Carlos's presence brought a newfound sense of unity and understanding to the table. And as you shared stories and laughter, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to mend what had seemed irreparably broken.

In that moment, you realized that love wasn't just about grand gestures or sweeping declarations—it was about the everyday moments of connection and compromise, the willingness to forgive and grow together.

And as you looked at Carlos, his eyes filled with determination and affection, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them together, hand in hand.

Charles Leclerc

Charles had apologized right after he had said those words and though you had both fallen back into routine, the underlying bitterness and resentment was still present. You weren’t the one initiating any kind of affection from your side and every time Charles was initiating anything, you half assed your way out of it. Was it childish? Probably. But you were still not comfortable with how easily you had forgiven Charles, burying your hurt just to avoid conflict once again despite knowing deep down that he has hurt you probably more than anyone else ever has. These thoughts were running through your head as you sat beside Charles, your heart still heavy with the weight, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered in the air. Especially because Charles seemed distant, his mind preoccupied with thoughts, that you couldn't help but wonder what exactly they were. Why had he even asked to go on a date today? To break up with you? Suddenly, Pippa appeared, her presence causing the knot to form in your stomach to get tighter. She approached with a confident stride, a charming smile gracing her lips as she greeted Charles with a hug.

"Hey, Charlie!" Pippa exclaimed, her eyes flickering briefly in your direction before returning to Charles. "Long time no see!"

Charles returned her hug, though his embrace seemed somewhat forced. "Hey, Pippa. Yeah, it's been a while." 

You observed their interaction closely, your unease growing with each passing moment. Pippa's presence always seemed to unsettle you, and you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to their friendship than met the eye. Was he gonna break up with you in public and confess his years long feelings for Pippa? Charles glanced at you, his expression softening as he reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I was just out with Y/N today."

You couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth at his actions, his affectionate gesture soothing some of the tension that had been building between you.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N," Pippa said, offering you a friendly smile. "Sorry I didn’t see you next to Charlie."

You returned her smile, though it didn't quite reach your eyes and managed to reply without gagging. "Nice to meet you, Pippa." Charles tightened his grip on your hand, silently reassuring you of his presence and support. "We were just grabbing a coffee," he explained, his gaze flickering between you and Pippa. "Care to join us?"

Pippa hesitated for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly as she glanced at you before turning back to Charles. "Actually, I was hoping we could catch up alone, if that's okay."

You felt a pang of anxiety at her words, a sense of foreboding settling in the pit of your stomach. Despite your reservations, you nodded, forcing a smile as you released Charles's hand. It was better to walk away yourself than to have Charles dismiss you.

"Of course," you said, though your voice sounded strained even to your own ears. "I'll wait for you outside."

Charles shot you an alarmed look as you stood up,”I’ll see you in a few.” Charles’ hand lingered on yours for a moment longer before you reluctantly let go and made your way to the door.

You leaned against your car and enjoyed the wind for a second. You couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the exchange between your boyfriend and his best friend sitting inside.

You were half scared to find them kissing or something but, instead a sense of confusion washed over you as you watched the way Pippa was angrily point a finger at Charles and scream at him.

It was a second later when she stormed out before making her way towards you.

"Is he doing this because of you?!" Pippa's accusatory tone sent a shiver down your spine, her words hitting too close to home.

Before you could even process what was happening, Charles emerged from the cafe, his expression determined as he approached you and Pippa.

"Go home, Pippa," he said firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument as he intertwined his hand with yours.

Pippa's eyes blazed with anger, her fists clenched at her sides as she glared at Charles. "You will regret this, Charles!" she spat before storming off, leaving you both standing there in stunned silence.

Once Pippa was out of sight, you turned to Charles, your heart pounding in your chest. "What was that all about?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly.

Charles sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at you with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry you had to witness that, Y/N. Pippa has been... difficult lately."

You frowned, your mind reeling with confusion and frustration. "Difficult how?"

Charles hesitated for a moment, his gaze searching yours as if trying to find the right words. "She's been pushing boundaries, trying to come between us. But I won't let her." 

"Hey," he continued, taking your hand in his. "I told Pippa that I wouldn't be spending time with her alone anymore. If she can't accept you, then it's better for us to not be friends at all."

You blinked in surprise, a rush of gratitude flooding through you at his words. "Really?"

Charles nodded, squeezing your hand gently. "Really. You're the most important person in my life, and I won't let anyone come between us."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close. "Thank you, Charles. I appreciate you standing up for us."

He smiled softly, squeezing your hand reassuringly. "I'll always stand up for us, Y/N. You mean everything to me."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you threw your arms around him, holding him close. Despite the lingering bitterness and resentment, you couldn't deny the overwhelming love you felt for him in that moment.

Lando Norris

As you stepped out of the taxi, the cool night air enveloped you, offering a moment of respite from the whirlwind of emotions that had engulfed you throughout the evening.

Your heart still felt heavy with the weight of Lando's hurtful words, but beneath the pain, a numbness resided- knowing deep down that you might’ve just broken up with your boyfriend.

Before you could take another step, you heard the sound of hurried footsteps approaching from behind. Turning around, you saw Lando rushing towards you, his eyes filled with remorse and his expression wrought with sorrow. Your hand instinctively went to your chest, trying to calm the rapid beating of your heart.

"Y/N, please wait," he called out, his voice pleading as he reached your side, breathless from his haste.

You pulled your face to meet his eyes, uncertainty and wariness etched into your features as you met his gaze. Part of you yearned to turn away, to shield yourself from the pain of his words, but another part couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, he was sincere in his apology.

"Lando," you said softly, your voice tinged with a mixture of hurt and apprehension. You wanted to say more but the damn ball in your throat stopped you doing so.

He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours as he searched for the right words to express the depth of his regret. "I know I messed up, Y/N. I hurt you, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that."

His words washed over you like a soothing balm, offering a sliver of comfort. But still, you couldn't bring yourself to let go of the hurt that lingered in your heart.

"I should have been there for you tonight, supporting you and showing you how much you mean to me," Lando continued, his voice filled with genuine remorse. "Instead, I let my own selfishness and insecurities get in the way, and for that, I am truly sorry."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened to him, the sincerity in his voice echoing the ache in your own heart. You were sure you’ll regret letting go of this amazing relationship without at least attempting to work on it.

Despite the pain he had caused you, you couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance to rebuild what had been broken.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right away, Y/N," Lando said softly, his hands shaking and showcasing the intensity of his vulnerability.

"I know I have a lot of work to do to earn back your trust and your love. But please, just give me a chance to make things right. I promise to do whatever it takes to show you how much you mean to me, every single day for the rest of my life."

His words hung in the air, heavy with sincerity and remorse, leaving you torn between the desire to hold onto the pain of the past and the hope for a brighter future. As you gazed into his eyes, searching for any hint of insincerity or deceit, all you found was raw honesty and unwavering devotion.

With a heavy heart and a flicker of hope, you reached out to take his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. "I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you just yet, Lando," you whispered, your voice trembling with uncertainty.

Lando takes a step closer, gently cupping your face in his hands. "I'll spend every moment proving I'm worthy of your love, Y/N. Let me show you how much you mean to me, starting from this moment. I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust, even if it means giving you the space you need. Just know that I'm here for you, whenever you're ready."

( writing masterlist \ main masterlist \ drop a request ) ©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.

[greengoblinswifey]

i loved "Shattered" although i would have loved for her to keep the baby and have the same success as in the original ending, would you consider writing something like that? as an alternative ending

Alternative Ending to Shattered— Nicholas Chavez x Actress!Reader

warnings— cheating, mature language, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of unprotected sex, mentions of abortion, happy ending, mentions of birth.

Shattered

When Nicholas told you to get an abortion, you felt a flash of anger surge through you. “No,”you said firmly. “You can’t force me to do that.” Nicholas looked shocked, then furious. “I have a girlfriend, and a kid on the way to raise,” he argued, voice hard and unyielding.

A surge of pain mixed with rage bubbled up in you. “I’m your girlfriend, Nicholas,”you shouted back. “And this is your child. You should be here for us, helping raise them, not running off to hide.”

Without another word, Nicholas stormed out, leaving you sitting there, heart pounding as you clutched your stomach protectively. You weren't showing yet, but the weight of the choice before you felt heavy. “Screw Nicholas”, you thought, wiping a tear from your cheek. “I’ll raise this baby on my own if I have to.”

That night, you lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, your mind spiraling as you weighed your options. If you kept the baby, everything would change. Your career, just beginning to gain traction, would be stalled indefinitely. You’d be a single mother, left alone to care for a child Nicholas had already written off. And as a man, he’d be fine. Even with two babies on the way, he wouldn’t be the one carrying or caring for them.

On the other hand, if you didn’t keep it, you weren’t even sure if you’d get another chance. The thought tore at you, but you knew what the world would say. They’d call you a homewrecker, maybe even try to destroy your reputation, and all without knowing the truth. It would be you, bearing the weight of his lies.

Finally, with a heavy but hopeful heart, you decided that you were going to keep the life growing inside you. Thoughts raced through your mind, layering one worry after another. How would your career hold up with a pregnancy? The industry wasn’t always kind to young actresses, especially not ones who suddenly had a child in the picture. You imagined the directors and producers who’d invested in your rising stardom questioning your ability to maintain the same dedication once you had a baby to care for. The idea of managing both a career and motherhood alone felt overwhelming.

Filming the rest of the season with Nicholas suddenly seemed like an impossible task. Every scene together would remind you of how easily he had turned his back on you both, his other life casting a shadow over every word he’d said to you. But you’d have to keep it together, remain professional, pretending there wasn’t a storm beneath the surface whenever you shared the screen with him.

And then, there was the question you dreaded most: Who’s the baby’s father? Interviews, press conferences, appearances, the media would demand answers eventually. How could you admit the truth? How could you tell the world that you’d trusted him, fallen for him, fucked your co-star raw, and now were left to handle the responsibility alone because he had a life, another girlfriend and another baby, in his hometown? The thought of admitting you’d opened your heart and legs to your co-star, only for him to abandon you, made your stomach twist. You couldn’t bear to let the world see that vulnerable side of you.

But despite it all, you rested your hand on your stomach and felt a strange sense of resolve. This baby was a part of you, forget being a part of him, and you knew you’d find a way to raise them, no matter how many obstacles lay in your path.

The next day on set, you were barely holding it together, trying to keep the morning’s nausea from spilling over into the day's work. Nicholas approached you quietly before filming began, his expression tense.

“So, did you take care of it?” he asked, his voice cold.

You looked him right in the eyes. “No, Nicholas. I’m keeping this baby. That’s final.” You could see the frustration in his face, the way he clenched his jaw, but he didn’t argue. He only nodded, his gaze shifting away.

Soon, you were called onto set to film a scene, and as you moved into the frame, you felt the weight of your reality pressing down. The scene called for a romantic kiss, but as you leaned in, all you could think was, How could he do this to us? Every touch felt hollow, each moment of pretend affection a painful reminder of his betrayal.

Still, you held it together for the rest of the day, determined to protect yourself and, more importantly, the little life growing inside you. You’d give them all the love they need, you thought, so they wouldn’t feel the absence of their father.

As days turned into weeks, filming continued then the season wrapped, and you noticed subtle changes, how your clothes fit a bit more snugly, the quiet flutter in your stomach that grew stronger with time. You poured your focus into auditions for roles scheduled to film after the baby’s birth, crafting a new life plan that prioritized their future as much as your own.

Finally, when you went to the doctor alone, you learned you were having a baby girl. The news was bittersweet. Part of you ached for the weight of responsibility, raising a girl, teaching her strength and self-worth under such circumstances. Yet, you held onto a fierce determination to make the most of it, to show her resilience and love, no matter what lay ahead.

The night of the premiere, you walked onto the red carpet in a breathtaking gown that hugged your figure, showing off a noticeable baby bump. As you made your way through the crowd, congratulations poured in from all directions, and you felt a mixture of pride and nerves. Then you spotted Nicholas, standing nearby with his girlfriend, who was visibly pregnant as well. For a moment, his eyes met yours, and he did a double-take, clearly taken aback by how radiant you looked with your growing belly.

His girlfriend approached you, offering her congratulations with a polite smile, and you returned the sentiment, fully aware of the irony, that you both carried a piece of him, each in your own way. Nicholas lingered close by, watching intently, as if afraid you might reveal something.

As you spoke to the press, questions about your pregnancy inevitably came up. When asked about the father, you simply smiled, deflecting with comments about your happiness and excitement for what lay ahead, both as a mother and in your career. You radiated confidence, making it clear that your future was only beginning.

Later, you received the incredible news that you’d been cast in a new movie, and the production team was willing to accommodate your new role as a mother. Filming was set to begin after you'd had time with your baby, and they even offered a nanny and daycare on set. Knowing this support was there, you accepted the role, feeling your career blossom alongside your journey into motherhood.

When the day finally arrived, you gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl, the spitting image of you. Holding her for the first time, you felt an overwhelming relief that she looked nothing like Nicholas—she was purely yours. Your sister stood by, sharing in the joy, and as you looked down at your daughter, you felt stronger and more certain than ever.

Motherhood suited you well, and as the months passed, so did the fascination with your personal life. Though speculation about the baby’s father lingered, it eventually faded. Fans and the public were captivated by your story, a young mom balancing stardom with raising her baby girl. As offers poured in, it was clear that your future was bright, your daughter by your side as you continued to captivate the world.

Meanwhile, Nicholas seemed to fade from the spotlight, mostly at home with his girlfriend, waiting for their baby. Until, finally, karma came for him, an article revealed that the child he thought was his was actually someone else’s, belonging to a rockstar his girlfriend had left him for. You couldn’t help the satisfaction that spread through you. He’d reaped exactly what he’d sown, and you hadn’t lifted a finger.

The night of the Oscars was monumental. Walking the red carpet, you held your baby girl close, basking in the awe and admiration from all around. When the ceremony began, you took your seat, unaware that Nicholas was there, too, until he approached you during a break, nervously glancing at your daughter.

“She looks just like you,” he said, trying to keep his voice soft.

You looked at him coldly, replying, “Yeah, and I'm fucking grateful for that”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Look, I’m so sorry for everything. I miss you, I really do. I was an idiot. Please, give me another chance.”

You took a steadying breath, keeping your tone calm but firm. “Nicholas, we’re done. The moment you cheated, lied and then told me to abort my child, you lost any future with me.” You glanced down at your daughter who was playing with your hair not sparing her father a glance, feeling the strength in your decision. “If you want to be in her life, that’s up to you. I’d prefer it if you weren’t near us, but I won’t deny you the right.”

He hesitated, his eyes darting away. It was clear he hadn’t come to build a relationship with his daughter, he was more interested in your newfound fame.

“That's what I thought,” you said, voice sharp. “Stay out of our lives. Don’t speak to me again.”

With that, you walked away, feeling lighter than ever. When your name was called for Best Actress, you took the stage, holding the Oscar with pride as the crowd erupted in applause. This was your night, a celebration of everything you’d fought for, a testament to your resilience and talent, with your daughter’s future in your hands.

[amongemeraldclouds]

no take backs

As the earth collapsed around you, your sworn enemy decides to confess his feelings for you with a kiss. So when the world doesn’t end, what happens next?

Jess Mariano x f!Reader

Warning: 18+ only MDNI, fluff, slight angst, unprotected sex, piv, v!fingering, reader has anxiety (only plays a small part in the story), earthquake (no injuries)

Author’s note: Based on this request then I expanded on the concept. This fic is set after he left Stars Hollow.

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Jess Mariano Masterlist | 2.4k words

“Just because I’m letting you drive me home, does not mean we’re friends,” you huffed as you climbed into the passenger seat of Jess Mariano’s beat up car. Vintage, he called it. You’d never admit it, but you found it cute how he was proud of it. To him, it was his key to freedom, going anywhere he wanted whenever he wanted. Except for when nature had other plans.

“Well, a coworker could take his other coworker home, okay?” He said, closing the car door as he slid his keys into the ignition and started up the car. You relent and gave him your address.

It was just your luck that the Earth’s tectonic plates decided to shift in ways that damaged your car, but not your mortal enemy’s. Perhaps it was karma and you were being encouraged to make amends with him in the name of world peace. Try as you might however, the word “peace” and Jess Mariano just did not fit.

It certainly did not feel peaceful being trapped in a car with him. Your cheeks blushed as you remembered how soft his lips felt against yours and the eager way they moved as if it was the final thing he would ever do in his life. And for a few moments back at the publishing house, tucked safely beneath a table while the world shook violently around you, you were both convinced it was your last moments.

It was confusing. The way your heart hammered and you didn’t know if it was from fear of dy*ng or the way his kiss invaded your entire being. From the moans it elicited from your throat, to the air it stole from your lungs, and the butterflies that rushed in your stomach. It was hard to tell if it really was just an earthquake or the mind-shattering truth that your enemy might not actually hate you at all.

Then it was over too soon. The air felt cold without him close to you and he was pulling you up from under the table.

“So we’re just not going to talk about it?” You asked, piercing the awkward silence.

Jess just shrugged and spoke casually, “talk about what?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, of course he wasn’t going to make this easy for you. But he had no right confusing you with a kiss after constantly making your life a waking nightmare.

“Jess, you kissed me,” you deadpan, addressing the elephant in the room. “Coworkers don’t kiss other coworkers.”

“A lapse of judgment in a life-threatening situation,” he dismissed, keeping his eyes straight on the road.

Your mouth curled, the sweet aftertaste of his kisses turning sour. You fumed in silence as you looked outside the window with unfocused eyes. You weren’t sure what you were more upset about: his denial or your disappointment - having to face the horrid fact that you also didn’t hate your enemy.

“Shit, the road’s blocked,” Jess drew you out from the thunder of your thoughts as you looked at the cars lined up ahead. It was like a scene from one of those post-apocalyptic films you’ve seen and dread sank in your chest. Perhaps you should stick to watching cheesy rom coms because this pessimism was not helpful at all.

“Can we go somewhere else?” You whispered softly, anxiety bearing down your chest.

Jess looked at you with concern. “Sure, let’s find somewhere we can park until things get better,” he replied with an equally soft tone and you hated it because he knew all about your anxiety and penchant for panic attacks. You didn’t like being weak around him, not if he could be sweet and caring only to take it all back when you’re fine.

He parked the car in between buildings, sheltered from the wails of emergency response vehicles and the rush of people trying to go home. You exhaled after going through rounds of breathing exercises to calm your anxiety.

“My my, a secluded alley. Jess Mariano, whatever do you plan to do with me?” You quipped, mildly accusing him or m*rder when the other meaning dawned on you, something that made you blush. Well, it was too late to back out now.

He smirked, “whose to say you’re not the one who wants to do things with me with that line of questioning, huh?”

“I wouldn’t do anything if I was the only one who liked it,” you hedged. Perhaps life was too short to keep denying your feelings. If there was ever a better time to learn that lesson, it was now. You just needed him to admit he felt it too.

“I don’t like the idea of being k*lled, thanks,” he scoffed as he plastered on a smug smile.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” you looked outside the window, an idea forming in your head.

“It sure is getting hot,” you comment innocently as you undid the top buttons of your blouse. Jess’ eyes followed your movement and you don’t miss the way his breath hitches.

“Better get comfortable, right?” You said, adjusting the car seat to lean back and you felt your blouse open slightly to reveal your cleavage. You were not going to make it easy for him to deny his feelings.

“Stop that,” Jess demanded while his eyes told a different tale of desire and longing.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you replied lazily. Two can play that game.

That’s right Jess, you thought, here’s a dose of your medicine. You continued, “this is much better.” You leaned your head back and stretched on the seat, aware of how your skirt inched up your legs.

You let out a satisfied moan, sighing in pleasure at thoughts of getting comfortable. If by comfort, you meant the satisfaction of derailing Jess’ denial and stubbornness. His eyes traced your legs then followed your chest when they rose and fell with your sigh. 

Jess grunted and you bit back a smile. “Okay, fine. So I kissed you,” he admitted.

You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “You said it meant nothing, so why would it matter?”

“I never said it meant nothing, I said it was a lapse of judgment.”

“There’s a difference?” You raised your eyebrow, challenging him to continue.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he steeled himself. To Jess Mariano, telling the truth meant peeling back the layers of his sarcasm, which was as painful as stripping off his skin.

“You know when they say the world is about to end, you’d think your life flashes before your eyes. But all I could see was you. And it wasn’t just because you were in front of me. God, I closed my eyes, and all I could see was still you. Laughing at your own jokes, greeting everyone with a smile, typing away on your computer. It would be such a shame if I didn’t get to kiss you if that was the last thing I’d ever do, damn it. But then the earthquake stopped and we were fine.”

Your eyebrows creased as you let his words sink in. “Is it really so bad that we survived?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, “I don’t think I could ever survive you. You frustrate me because you’re just so…you! You’re not someone I could just kiss once and get out of my system. I’d always want more and then I’d inevitably screw it up. It was better that you hated me from the start.”

His eyes burned with untold stories of heartbreak and self destruction. Despite all the ways he infuriated you, you wanted nothing more than to hold him. You had a feeling you were just seeing who he truly was beneath his smug smiles and his devil-may-care attitude.

“Jess, I don’t hate you,” you confess. “Don’t just make it one kiss,” you continue, allowing yourself to be just as honest as him. “Have another one, and another, and heck - have all of me!”

He looked at you in disbelief, as if he wished for the stars and he was told he could have the whole damn galaxy. A spark of joy and hope ignited something wild in him that he no longer let himself think of past regrets and mistakes.

He inched towards you, looking into your eyes for permission and you bridged the distance in response, kissing him. It was fiercer than when you both thought you were on the brink of de*th, because this time, it was a celebration of life and the possibilities that lay ahead.

You felt it when he sucked on your bottom lip and you moaned in pleasure, a small sound for all the words you couldn’t say. How all those time spent hating him was just a shield from your admiration of the man who took destiny in his own hands and never let the world define him.

The man who wrote stories and downplayed them through luck and how ink fumes must have altered his publisher’s minds to pick him. He never once acknowledged his talent, but secretly you did with the way you underlined your favorite sentences and re-read his book as if his words could wrap you in a sweet embrace.

He always kept you at an arm’s length and made your life hell, but it was heaven just being beside him. And you never dared to admit it. Until now, when he’s unbuttoning your blouse as he unravels your secrets. His mouth moves to your neck, setting your body on fire.

“Wait, what if someone sees us?” You ask, a wave of sobriety washing over you.

Jess just smirked, his lips pink and swollen, hungry for more of your kisses. “That’s half the fun.”

You rolled your eyes but god - you needed him. “And the other half?” You asked, mirroring his smirk.

“This,” he just says as he resumes your kiss.

It’s agony when you pull away again just to alleviate your anxiety, “can we at least go to the back?” It’s not much, but it’s better than being right by the windshield.

“Spacious,” he nods, moving away so you could climb over to the backseat. You felt the heat of his stare behind you as you settled in. 

He promptly followed suit until your bodies are tangled again with him laying you down the seat, careful so you don’t hit your head. You bring your hand to his stupid hair and run your fingers through it. His hands return to your blouse and your back arches on instinct when he unclasps your bra and he takes a moment to look at you. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes as he squeezes your breast while he licks the other, planting soft tender kisses.

In his car, the sirens and chaos faded. You were consumed by Jess’ touch, both curious and possessive at the same time. His free hand traveling down your leg as he caressed it, slowly making his way to your inner thigh. You can’t help the way you squirmed beneath him as you held your breath in anticipation. In response, you palm his erection beneath his uncomfortably tight jeans and you’re rewarded with a grunt.

He teased you through your panties and you open your legs for him as he moves the thin fabric aside to feel your soft folds. You bite your lip and try to stifle your moan, but Jess brings his mouth to your ear, “I need to hear you, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” You cursed in response, your mind swimming in a haze of euphoria.

His fingers send shockwaves of pleasure as he spreads your liquid heat, exploring your folds and paying attention to which sensations left you whimpering. He exploited them skillfully, rubbing and teasing, eager to make you a moaning mess for him. You gasped when he plunged his fingers inside you and you arched your back, needing him deeper.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me,” he admires as he pumped his fingers in and out. You moved your hips against his hand, needing more of him. He was finally here, doing things you used to just dream about, secrets stashed beneath soft covers in your moonlit bedroom.

“Jess, please. I need to feel all of you,” you begged and his eyes darkened.

“I’m all yours,” he replied as he removed his fingers and cleaned them off with his tongue. “Fuck you taste so good.” 

You helped him free his hard length and you don’t stifle the needy moan that escapes you this time when he fills you up. He takes a few slow movements before building up to a steady pace, the delicious friction making your toes curl. “You feel amazing, Jess,” you tell him.

He kissed you as he rocked his hips into you, a clash of teeth and tongue. There was nothing gentle in the way you moved against each other, it was pure want and longing crashing into each other. It was months of fantasies finally coming true and desires unleashed building in your core.

The car moved along with you, giving you extra leverage to find your rhythm. The irony was not lost on you that as the world shook around you once again, things were falling into place this time.

Filthy, desperate whimpers escaped his lips and you spread your legs wider, needing him deeper inside you. He squeezed your breast in response and teased your taut nipples, eager to worship all of you. You closed your eyes when you felt yourself teetering on the edge.

“Look at me,” Jess tells you instead and so you do. You see the lust and passion in his eyes and it’s enough to unravel you. Little earthquakes of ecstasy erupt through you as you shuddered against him. He increases his pace, eager to coax every last aftershock of your orgasm. It doesn’t take long before you feel his release warming your insides. He rests his head in the crook of your neck as he recovers his breath.

When he pulls out, you swipe his spilled seed from your leg and bring it in your mouth, enjoying the salty taste. “Fuck you’re so hot,” Jess breathes out. 

You grin. “So this happened. You gonna deny it?” You challenged him as he held you.

“Nope,” he said with a grin. “This happened. You’re mine and I’m yours. No take backs.”

“No take backs,” you echoed as you leaned in for another kiss.

It was perfect. The world could end at that moment and you would not mind at all.

Still you were glad to stay alive. Because then, you could always go another round, and another. So it goes.

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Jess Mariano Masterlist

[aquaticmercy]

Waste a Moment / Part 12

Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 

Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum.

Requested by :  @remoony

Word count : 2.8k

Note : Hi all!!! Got a lot of messages and comments in the last couple of days but have been busy so bear with me while I catch up! Please let me know if I miss anyone on the tags!!! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

"Out in the Dark"

Saturday evening.

Hours bled into an endless stream of time after he left, the lock on the door clicking like the final nail in the coffin. You’d felt your world shatter like brittle glass, splintering into a thousand jagged shards, each one a reflection of a future you’d foolishly imagined with him. 

You hadn’t just kicked him out of your home; you’d ripped him out of your life, your heart, leaving behind a cold void of absolutely fucking nothing.

You were starting back at square one. Again.

His voice still lingered, a ghost haunting the room, quiet and pleading, cracking with a fragility you’d never heard before. He’d tried to explain, hoping you might understand. 

But you weren’t going to give him the luxury of hope. Not anymore.

You could still remember how he looked at you then, eyes bottomless blue pit of despairs as he begged you to listen, to hear the truth he was too afraid to voice until it was too late. 

But all you could see was betrayal. 

You sank onto the couch, knees folding beneath you, arms crossing over your chest in a feeble attempt to hold yourself together. Your fingers dug into your sides as if you could press the splintered pieces of yourself back into place. 

Then, a sharp knock disrupted the veneer of calm you’d built around yourself. Startled, a jolt of white-hot fury flared up in you. 

Of course, he’d come back. 

You’d told him to leave, and he hadn’t listened. He never did. Did he think that if he could just say the right thing, everything would be okay?

“I told you to leave!” you yelled, your voice cracking under the strain of false strength.

After a moment’s hesitation, a familiar voice seeped through the door. “It’s me,” You heard through the door, “I… I heard what happened. I thought you might need a friend.”

You froze, the breath catching in your throat. 

It wasn’t Bucky.

It was Yelena.

How dare she show up here, now, pretending to be a friend when she’d known all along? She’d been part of the lie, part of the deception that destroyed the illusion of your waking nightmare. Sure, it explained why she was mad, why she looked like she would’ve killed Bucky if she could— but that was no excuse to be complicit for as long as she had.

“No,” you spat. “You don’t get to show up like everything’s fine. You knew, Yelena. You knew, and you didn’t say a word.”

If she had been hiding this from you, what else was a lie?

The silence was broken only by a weary sigh. “I was going to,” she admitted quietly. “I told him to, but he… he was scared. And I gave him time… I thought it should come from him.”

Her gaze fell to her feet, almost as if she couldn’t bear to look at the door. 

She knew she should have told you. But now, hearing all that joyous life drained from your voice… she wasn’t so sure if she could’ve.

Maybe she didn't tell you because she didn’t want to be the one to see your heart break. Now confronted with this, she realised that maybe all that anger, all that big talk to Bucky was… all a facade.

She started wondering, maybe, deep down, when the time came,— when her ultimatum needed to be fulfilled— if she would have faced you at all. Maybe she had given Bucky a week, more time than he deserved, because she needed time to brace herself for the fallout. And now that the moment was here... she realised she wasn’t ready after all.

She wasn’t ready to see you empty. Hollow. Broken.

Just as she couldn’t see you after your injuries.

In its own twisted way, it was a mercy to her that you didn't let her in, that she couldn't see the state you were in.

You laughed then, a bitter sound that tasted like ash on your tongue. “And look where that got us.”

Yelena leaned on your door, dropping down to the floor. She didn’t care if your neighbours walked on her like this— she just wanted to try to save a sliver of connection, any crumb she would give you.

She only ever wanted you to be happy.

“But it is real,” she insisted, her voice dropping to a whisper. It was a kind of sorrow you hadn’t heard from her before. She’s reverting back to the thick Russian accent, thicker than she’s had for years, in this moment of vulnerability. “The way he feels about you, even when I hated him for not telling you. I could see it in his eyes, in the way he said your name.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. She sounded like she was pleading, begging you to see something you couldn’t, wouldn’t allow yourself to see. 

“I knew he wasn’t kind to you before,” she continued, the words tumbling out. “But I think… I think he loved you then, too. Back then he… he always made sure there was always one of your favourite donuts left in the fridge. He made sure to always buy your favourite tea to stock up the training kitchen. He once asked me what… um… what your favourite flowers were so he could put it in a vase in the common room.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, the memory of his distant, haunted eyes flashing through your mind. 

After your memories were wiped, you spent so many nights staring into his piercing eyes as if it was a never-ending abyss, trying to find a way in, trying to reach the part of him that seemed determined to stay locked away. You’d thought you had. You’d thought you’d finally reached him. 

But you hadn’t. Not even close. 

“I don’t know if I can believe that,” you choked out. “I don’t even know what to believe anymore.”

“I’m not lying.” Yelena’s voice cut through your spiralling thoughts, but you had no reason to believe her. “The Bucky you told me made you feel safe— he’s real. Maybe I... I couldn’t bring myself to shatter the peace you found.”

She remembered all those years spent hoping Natasha was happy, that she was okay, that she was safe. And then, in an instant, all of that hope was stripped away.

Maybe it was the same with you. After your injuries and memory loss, you weren’t just a new beginning for Bucky, but for Yelena, too—an opportunity to feed her saviour complex. Maybe she needed an excuse to protect you from Bucky, who only ever wanted your happiness, too.

Maybe they had both been approaching this all wrong. Maybe she shouldn’t have sparred with him that night, leaving him bruised. Maybe she shouldn’t have antagonised him. Maybe she should have encouraged him, worked with him, instead of standing in his way.

You could feel the anger slipping away from your fingertips. You didn’t want to believe her, didn’t want to let that tiny flicker of hope take root. 

Because if you did, it meant facing the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there was something left to salvage. 

And that took work.

You were exhausted— all you did for months was work and work to get a tiny piece of yourself back. What if you just wanted to let go altogether?

“I should have told you sooner,” Yelena murmured, voice barely a whisper now, “We both should have told you sooner.” 

She never meant for you to find out this way—she had hoped that either she or Bucky could explain the context behind his actions. But now you've seen everything—the raw truth, stripped of memories or emotions to soften the blow. You couldn’t remember what you’d once felt for Bucky, couldn’t fill in the gaps on your own— and wouldn’t listen anymore.

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, hot and stinging as it traced the curve of your cheeks.

After what felt like an eternity, you heard her exhale, a soft, defeated sigh. “I’ll go,” she said quietly. “But… don’t let this destroy you both.”

Sunday.

The next day, Bucky stood outside Happy’s office at the compound, teeth clenched so tightly he could feel the strain in his temples. His body was hot with frustration, bitterness curling through him like smoke from a slow-burning fire that had been left for far too long. 

He hadn’t slept, hadn’t even bothered trying to—every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was you. 

The look on your face, the look of hurt and betrayal. The shock, the disbelief as you told him to leave. For the first time since he’d known you, you felt… small. 

That image had made a home in his mind, festering until he could feel it like a sickness spreading under his skin.

Now, out here in the hallway, he felt he was being torn apart from the inside out. His chest was heavy, his hands shaking with a rage that had no target. Every barrier he’d put up over the years to keep himself calm had crumbled. Now, his mere existence was just a raw, open wound, bleeding fury and self-loathing. 

He hated Happy for showing you the footage. He hated himself for letting it come to this. He hated fucking everything. But more than anything, he hated the truth he was beginning to confront, a splinter that he’d ignored until it was too deep to pull out.

With a deep breath, he pushed open the door, his metal hand slamming against the wood. The loud, brutal sound echoed through the room, and Happy looked up from his tablet. Sam, sitting across from him, raised an eyebrow..

“What the hell were you thinking?” Bucky’s voice was rough, nearly a growl, forcing the words through clenched teeth. “She wasn’t ready for that!”

Happy’s expression tightened as he set down the tablet. Sam turned back, arms folded across his chest, leaned back.

As Bucky's anger burned, he caught the look in Happy’s eyes—a flash of real fear, his line of sight fixed on Bucky’s metal arm with paranoia, shoulders closing in as if bracing for a blow. 

No.

His reaction pulled Bucky back from rage that had consumed him, a cold dread quickly replacing it instead. 

He’d seen that look— that fear— a thousand times as the Winter Soldier. 

On his victims.

He forced himself to breathe, to loosen his fists and soften his stance. He didn’t want anyone to fear him like that ever again. Not now. Not ever.

Especially not Happy, who only meant well. Not Happy, who cared about you. 

“Good morning to you, too, Buck,” Sam replied, tone sharp but calm, cutting through Bucky’s anger like a blade. “Maybe take a second before you start throwing blame around for your mess.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched tighter, a tendon twitching in his knuckles. He forced his gaze back to Happy. “I’m not blaming you,” he said, his voice calmly grating against the words. “But she didn’t need to see that.”

Happy looked down, a small look of misplaced guilt in his eyes. “I… I assumed she knew everything.”

“You can’t just assume these things,” Bucky was trying everything— everything in his power to stop the anger from bubbling.“You can’t just keep this from me.”

Beside them, Sam let out a short, bitter laugh, shaking his head. He looked pointedly at Bucky, an edge of irony in his otherwise cool voice. “You’re one to talk.”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, to defend himself, but Sam raised a hand, silencing him with no room to protest.

“Look, man, I get that you didn’t want to hurt her,” Sam’s tone softened slightly, trying to cut through Bucky’s defences. “But you’ve been handling this wrong from the start.”

“I only wanted to protect her.” Bucky said, his tone tinged with sadness, by a guilt he didn’t want to acknowledge. “She’s been through enough.”

Sam’s expression hardened, the warmth fading from his eyes. “Protect her from what? The truth? From you?”

The words struck Bucky like a punch, leaving him exposed, vulnerable in a way he fucking hated. He knew Sam was right, but admitting that was like swallowing broken glass.

“I was going to tell her,” Bucky muttered, the words weak even to his own ears, flimsy excuses for his failure.

Sam’s gaze sharpened, eyebrows raised in doubt. “Were you?” he asked, voice laced with scepticism. “Or were you just hoping she’d never find out?”

Bucky stared at the floor, words caught in his throat as shame rose like a frostbite nipping on his cheeks. He knew the answer, even if he couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

He had hoped for that once, but that hope had been selfish, born out of a desperation he was too terrified to confront.

“If you love her,” Sam continued, “you’ve got to own up to it.”

“How do I even begin?” Bucky shook his head, hands fisting at his sides as he tried to hold onto the last shreds of his resolve. “I wasn’t in a good place back then. I didn’t know how to… handle things. I didn’t even want to let her in. But now? Now, I—”

Happy interrupted him, a gentle understanding in his voice. “Then tell her that.”

Bucky’s head lowered, eyes fixed on the ground. Sam shook his head, frustration etched deep in his features.

“Come on,” Sam said, voice softer but tainted with disappointment. “You can’t expect her to fill in the blanks. You can’t keep pretending like the past doesn’t matter just because it’s easier for you.”

Bucky’s fists tightened, his frustration slowly bleeding away, leaving behind a hollow space in his chest.

Finally, Bucky looked up, deep lines of exhaustion etched on his forehead. “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, pity in his voice. “That’s not for you to decide.”

It wasn’t just anger anymore. It was an overwhelming regret, a bitter knowledge that he had robbed you of something he himself had fought for— choice. He had taken away your ability to choose for yourself, just as Hydra had taken it from him. They had stripped him of his free will, turned him into a weapon, a shell of a man. And now, unknowingly, in your most vulnerable state he’d done the same to you. 

It almost didn’t matter that he meant well.

He had spent so long trying to protect you from his past, trying to keep you safe from the darkness that lived inside him. But all he’d done was push you closer to his guilt.

He’d let his love for you warp into something possessive— he’d let it twist into the worst kind of love.

Suddenly, a piercing alarm blared throughout the compound. Red emergency lights started flaring as FRIDAY’s voice echoed coldly through the speakers. 

“Intruder detected at Hangar One.”

Bucky’s head snapped up, a sick, sudden dread forming in his gut. He and Sam exchanged a single glance before they broke into a sprint down the hallway. Behind them, Happy picked the tablet back up, “Show me cameras, FRIDAY.”

“Cameras in Hangar One are damaged,” FRIDAY’s voice cut in.

Bucky’s stomach twisted. He knew who it was before he even reached the hangar— knew it with a certainty that terrified him to his core.

They skidded to a stop at the open doors of the hangar just as the quinjet’s engines roared to life, its sleek outline gleaming under the overhead lights. There you were, your hands gripping the controls, eyes fixed on the holographic map.

For one heartbreaking second, you looked up just as Bucky reached the hangar entrance. 

Your eyes met his through the glass, and in that instant, Bucky felt his world collapse. 

The look on your face was one he knew he would never forget: a storm of emotions—hurt, betrayal, sorrow, and the faintest hint of something like goodbye.

He raised a hand as if he could reach you, almost pleading, but you were already looking away, turning back to the controls as if you couldn’t bear to see him one second longer.

“No,” he whispered, voice raw and breaking, the word swallowed by the whine of the engines.

The quinjet began to rise, and for a second, he thought you might stop. That maybe there was still time to make things right, to find the words— that you’d let him explain. But then the jet shimmered, the cloaking system engaged, vanishing into the air.

A haunting  silence filled the hangar as the engines faded to the distance.

Bucky’s arm dropped, his chest feeling like it had been ripped open. He felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder, but it did little to stop the despair clawing through him. 

He had lost you before.

But this time, he was afraid he might have lost you forever.

-to be continued...

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[helioooss]

hard times, part two

synopsis: years after you closed the door on mina, you find each other again.

w/c: 10k+

warnings: very emotional, mentions of death, read at your own risk. i actually cried???

a/n: long wait is over! i won’t be posting for awhile after this. i appreciate all your little messages and i promise i am reading them. <3

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

four years since the scandal that blew up across every headline, the breakup that shattered you from the inside out, and the decision to walk away from your old life in seoul. you had been a music producer once, someone who had built a career alongside some of the biggest names in the industry. that was where you met mina. where you fell in love.

that was another lifetime ago.

now, your days are quieter — simpler. the sound of waves crashing against the shore is a far cry from the constant hum of seoul’s streets, and the steady rhythm of stacking books at the small shop you work at is comforting in a way that music never was after everything fell apart.

in australia, you found solace in routine, in the ordinary. you surf in the mornings and work at the bookstore in the afternoons.

you glance out the window of the shop as the afternoon sun paints golden streaks across the pavement. it’s peaceful here, far from the noise, the cameras, the attention. this life you’ve built for yourself is so far removed from the person you used to be that sometimes it feels like a dream — or perhaps, a carefully constructed escape.

but no matter how far you run, some ghosts never leave.

mina was that ghost.

there isn’t a day that goes by when you don’t think about her, even if it’s just in the smallest, quietest moments. the way she used to hold you close, her smile when it was just the two of you, and how she used to look at you like you were her entire world.

it had been that way for years; you always thought nothing could ever shake it.

then came jeno; a rising star. someone famous and adored, somebody from her world. it was supposed to be a fake relationship — the kind idols are pushed into for publicity, but somewhere along the way, lines blurred. you watched as the person you loved slipped away, piece by piece, until the truth came crashing down.

she fell in love with him. you weren’t enough. that’s what your mind always circled back to in the darkest hours. she chose fame, chose him, over you.

the only option left for you was to leave. not just her, but the entire world that reminded you of her; of what you had and what you lost.

it really wasn’t until a few weeks ago that the past began creeping back into your life. after years of silence, you finally posted a picture on instagram — just a shot of the ocean and a surfboard, nothing significant. you weren’t thinking about who might see it, or what it might stir up. yet somehow, some way, it reached your old friends…the ones you had blocked and unblocked every now and then.

one by one, they knocked on your walls. small at first. jeongyeon commenting on the post using her private account, a simple “living the life i see” followed by a string of heart emojis. then sana, a message asking if you were still in australia and which city. dahyun, always the most straightforward, just sent, it’s been too long. let’s catch up.

uncertainty filled your mind, you weren’t sure how to respond. after all, you cut them off when you left. not because you didn’t care about them, but because staying in touch with anyone from that part of your life hurt too much.

there was something in their messages, something familiar and warm that made you hesitate. four years was a long time, and you missed them. maybe more than you wanted to admit.

so you replied, one by one.

a wine bar somewhere in fitzroy, just a few days before their concert at rod laver arena. they flew you out of brisbane and you almost backed out at the last second, nerves twisting in your stomach as you stood outside hope street radio.

what if things weren’t the same?

after heaving out a sigh, you decided to get it over and done with. however, the moment you stepped inside and saw them all sitting around the table, all your worries evaporated. jeongyeon waved you over, and you couldn’t help but smile at the way she almost knocked over her coffee in her excitement.

you felt like a kid again.

“y/n!” sana’s voice rang out, bright and cheerful, pulling you into a tight hug the moment you reached the table. “it’s been so long!”

you laughed, hugging her back as tzuyu slid over to make room for you. “i know. sorry about that.”

“don’t be,” nayeon said, her voice softer than usual but still carrying that familiar edge of mischief. “we miss you, that’s all.”

a moment of silence settled over the table, the weight of unspoken words filling the air. it wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was a heaviness to it. they all knew what happened, even if you never spoke about it in detail. you didn’t have to. they had been there, watching as everything crumbled.

“so,” jihyo broke the silence with a grin, “what’s australia like? other than the killer spiders and, you know, surfing every day by the looks of you?”

“just make sure you don’t let the barking spiders and drop bears get to you,” you nudged at chaeyoung and she did the same; as if the years hadn’t created mountains between you all.

you chuckled, the tension breaking as you launched into a lighthearted conversation about your new life.

“how did you even get to surfing, like, what?” dahyun asked, a hint of jealousy in her voice. “i’ve never even seen you jump in a pool!”

“ahh, well, it started when my roommates decided to take me beach camping with. we drove around the country just to surf. i eventually picked up the hobby and —“

“the sharks, y/n!” momo chimed in, face frightened and all.

this made you laugh as you shook your head. “honestly, they’re not that bad. we get alerts for them all the time and some are even tagged so we can track them ourselves.”

“what are drop bears?”

the smile on your face disappeared. “they’re the worst, never ever look up when you’re hiking through gumtrees…they spy on their prey real good.”

“there goes my dream of hiking under fifty degree heat in australia,” jeongyeon rolled her eyes. “not.”

the jokes started rolling in, and soon enough, it felt like no time had passed at all. you talked about your friends, your quiet life at the bookstore, the peacefulness of the ocean. they talked about their tour, the chaos of their schedules, the craziness of being in the western spotlight.

but there was one name that none of you mentioned.

mina.

as the hours passed, you found yourself relaxing, giggling with them like you used to, the bond between you all still strong despite the years apart. it was bittersweet, yes, but it was also healing in a way you didn’t expect.

“you should come to the concert,” momo suggested at one point, her eyes bright with excitement. “it’s in two days and we’d love to see you there.”

you hesitated, a frown etched on your face. “i don’t think that’d be a good idea, she will be there.”

“she doesn’t have to know,” sana cut in quickly. “she won’t even notice. she’s been…in her own world lately.”

you glanced between them, the unspoken understanding passing between you all. you weren’t sure if you were ready to face mina again. not after everything. but you missed them. missed the connection you had with them, missed being a part of something bigger than yourself.

“pretty please, y/n?”

“okay,” you finally agreed, earning a round of cheers and laughter from the girls.

it felt right, but underneath it all, there was still that pain, the part that wasn’t sure how you’d handle seeing her again after so long.

meanwhile, not too far away from you, mina sat alone in her hotel room; staring mindlessly at her phone. the girls had all gone out for dinner but she stayed back like she has done for years now — harbouring herself away from everyone day by day.

she had tried so many times to reach out to you. after you left, after everything fell apart, she had tried. your friends and family — they shut her out. they still loved her, they told her as much, but they respected your decision to move on, to start over without her. she couldn’t blame them.

after all, she was the one who ruined everything.

jeno had been a mistake from the start. what was supposed to be a fake relationship, something for the cameras, turned into something that crossed lines mina didn’t even realise she had crossed until it was too late. she thought she could handle both. thought she could keep you and the life she had in the public eye, but it had all fallen apart in her hands.

she had lost you — the only person who ever truly mattered.

and for what? a fleeting moment of fame? a shallow relationship that meant nothing?

she regretted it every day.

the past four years without you had been a blur of schedules and stages, but none of it felt real anymore. without you, she was lost. fame wasn’t worth it without you by her side. none of it was.

and now, as she stared at her phone, scrolling through old messages she never sent, she wondered if you ever thought about her the way she thought about you. probably not. you had moved on, hadn’t you? you were probably happy now, living a life she could never be a part of.

then, a message popped up on her screen. it was from jihyo in their group chat.

and it was about you.

mina’s heart skipped a beat as she read the messages popping up one by one, the words sinking in slowly.

jihyo: we all just met up with y/n…and we all decided you deserved to know that she is okay.

tzuyu: yeah she’s looking real good 😊

momo: extremely good looking and even funnier too minari. aged like fine wine

mina frowned, remembering how her members used to tease her in the same way, any chance they got. she wasn’t annoyed at them, no, she missed it.

you were in australia. you had been here, all this time. and now, you were going to be at the concert.

she dropped her phone, panic setting in. she hadn’t seen you in years. what would she say? how would she even face you after what she did?

her mind raced, and for the first time in years, she felt like she was suffocating under the weight of her own decisions. you were so close, and yet so far away.

before she knew it, her thumb clicked on the call button in their group chat. it rang twice…and nayeon’s voice came out of the other line.

“how?” was the first thing that came out of mina’s lips, equal yelling and trembling at. “why didn’t you tell me? otherwise i would’ve come to dinner!”

“mina, please be calmer,” nayeon sighed. “we’re on our way back to the hotel now.”

mina’s fingers shook, anxiety rushing through every vein in her body. “where…where is she?”

“she’s staying at a hotel not too far from the city, we had to fly her out from the gold coast where she actually lives.”

“does she hate me still? does she know i’ve been looking for her everywhere?”

there was stunned silence from the other end, each of the girls not knowing what to say to mina.

“i…” jihyo began, but paused. “we will come to your room in a few minutes, okay? and y/n bought tim tams for you and thinks you might like it.”

mina smiled, her chest feeling warm. at least you remembered, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to face the consequences of what she had done.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the night of the concert arrived, and you stood at the edge of the crowd with one of your friends, taylor, by your side. the energy in the arena was electric, fans cheering and chanting as the lights dimmed and the music began. some even recognised you from back in the days.

taylor nudged you, a grin on her face as she said, “didn’t realise they were this popular.”

you laughed, but it was strained. “trust me, it can get worst than this.”

“and you used to produce for and are friends with these girls?” taylor raised an eyebrow. “who would’ve fucking thought, hey?”

“yep,” you responded, dragging the ‘p’. “eventually, you’re going to find out things about me, so be prepared.”

she said something else, but your thoughts were elsewhere. you scanned the stage, searching for familiar faces, but part of you hoped you wouldn’t see her.

and then, the lights hit the stage, and there she was.

mina.

your breath caught in your throat as you saw her for the first time in four years. she looked different, yet the same. her hair was longer, her expression more guarded; the only thing left was that same spark in her eyes. the one you used to know so well.

when her eyes swept over the crowd, there was a flicker of panic. like she was searching for something — or someone.

you hadn’t prepared yourself to feel all of this again — the rush of memories, the hurt, the betrayal, and something deeper that you thought had disappeared over time.

seeing mina in person, after all these years, was like reopening a wound you thought had healed.

taylor watched you from the corner of her eye, concern flickering across her face, but she didn’t say anything. she didn’t know the whole story, and you weren’t sure you could tell her even if you tried.

on stage, mina moved like she always had —graceful, confident, yet something was off. she kept glancing into the crowd, her eyes scanning over the fans with an almost frantic energy. it was like she was looking for someone. you swallowed hard, forcing yourself to stay still, but your heart was racing in your chest.

and then, for just a split second, her eyes landed on you.

she froze.

you saw the way her expression changed, how her face paled as if she had seen a ghost. it was like time stopped for both of you. the cheers of the crowd faded into the background, and all you could focus on was the look of shock — and something else in her eyes; regret?

you didn’t know what to feel. a part of you wanted to turn around and leave, to run from the confrontation you knew was coming. but another part of you, the part that still remembered how it felt to love her, couldn’t look away.

before you could make a decision, the other girls must have noticed.

jeongyeon and sana exchanged glances, and you saw them subtly maneuvering mina away from the edge of the stage, trying to shield her from the crowd — and from you. they knew. they knew this was too much for her, that seeing you after all this time was breaking her composure.

you felt a pang of guilt. you hadn’t come here to make her uncomfortable. you came to see your old friends, to support them, not to stir up old wounds. but mina…mina was unraveling right in front of you.

taylor leaned in closer, her voice low so as not to disturb the people around you. “is everything okay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost and that pretty girl does too.”

you forced a smile, shaking your head. “i’m fine. just…memories…she’s my ex-girlfriend.”

she didn’t press further, and you were grateful for that. but the tension in your body didn’t ease as the concert went on. every time mina moved, you could feel her glancing in your direction, her discomfort radiating across the stage.

“she must be in love with you still, huh?” taylor nudged your arm gently, trying to lighten up the mood.

“maybe.”

she was barely performing anymore, just going through the motions as her eyes searched for you in the sea of faces. every time she found you, her expression tightened.

it was the weight of four years without closure crashing down on her.

by the end of the concert, you felt emotionally drained. you hadn’t expected it to hit you this hard. as the final song “move” played and the lights dimmed, you considered slipping out before anyone had a chance to come, to avoid the inevitable confrontation.

before you could move, their managers, the ones that were always friendly with you, were suddenly at your side; ushering you towards the back entrance with smiles that didn’t quite reach their eyes.

taylor shot you a questioning look, but you just waved her off. “i’ll explain later,” you mumbled. “this is complicated.”

she shrugged, clearly confused, but didn’t ask any more questions. “i’d rather meet you outside, at a pub, then. take your time, i don’t wanna impose.”

“are you sure you don’t wanna join me?”

“i’m sure, mate,” she smiled, giving you a thumbs up. “too big for my little world, y’know?”

you nodded, your heart racing, and followed them without protest.

as you were led backstage, the weight of everything you’d been avoiding for four years pressed down on you. this used to be your world, ran these shows like a maniac. you hadn’t wanted to come back to this, not after what she did.

yet now that you were here, you couldn’t stop the flood of emotions that threatened to drown you.

the hallway backstage was buzzing with activity —managers and staff moving around in a whirlwind of post-concert chaos. all of that blurred into the background as tzuyu appeared out of a room and guided you to a quieter area, away from the noise with only just her.

“she saw you,” tzuyu said quietly once you were alone, her eyes full of concern. “she hasn’t been the same all night.”

you swallowed hard, feeling the guilt gnaw at you again. “i didn’t mean for this to happen. i didn’t even know if i should come.”

tzuyu sighed softly. “you know how much you mean to her, right? even after everything?”

you looked away, the ache in your chest growing. “then why did she hurt me?”

“it was a mistake,” tzuyu said, her voice gentle but firm. “a stupid, terrible mistake. but it wasn’t because she didn’t love you.”

you didn’t know how to respond to that. for so long, you had convinced yourself that mina had chosen jeno because you weren’t enough. that you, the quiet producer working behind the scenes, could never compete with someone famous, someone who could give her everything.

it had been the root of your insecurity, the thing that haunted you long after you left.

before you could say anything else, the door to the room opened, and there she was.

mina — she sitting on the couch with her head down her palms, surrounded by all the other girls.

she looked fragile, more so than you had ever seen her. the confidence she usually carried on stage was gone, replaced by an overwhelming sadness. the moment she looked up at you, her bloodshot eyes were wide, it was like she couldn’t breathe.

“y/n,” her voice was barely a whisper, but it sent a jolt through you. hearing her say your name in the tone after all these years felt like a punch to the gut.

you stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do. all the anger, the hurt, the longing — it all surged up at once, and you didn’t know how to handle it.

mina took a tentative step forward, her eyes pleading you to say something, anything.

and you couldn’t.

you could feel the other girls staring, their presence a quiet reminder that this moment was fragile. the air between you and mina was thick with everything unsaid.

“i…i didn’t know you would be here,” mina stammered, her voice shaking. “i didn’t think i’d ever see you again.”

“i didn’t plan on it,” you finally managed to say, your voice hoarse. “i came to see them. not you.”

mina flinched, but she didn’t back away. instead, she took another step forward, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “i’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “for everything, for hurting you, for…for losing you like that.”

you shook your head, trying to keep your emotions in check. “it’s been four years, mina. four years since you left me for someone else. what more could you want from me?”

“i know,” mina chocked out, hands trembling. “i know. and i hate myself for it every day.”

“that mistake cost me everything,” you said, your voice hardening — cold and detached. “i loved you all those years and i still wasn’t enough for you.”

“no,” mina said quickly, her eyes wide with desperation. “you were always enough. more than enough. i got caught up in the fame, in everything i thought i needed and now i know none of it mattered. we had dreams of our future together, y/n, i worked hard so we could achieve it…and i messed up real bad, blinded.”

the words hung in the air, heavy and raw. you wanted to believe her. god, you wanted to believe her, but the hurt was still there. and painful.

“you have no idea what these past four years have been like for me,” your voice trembled, only noticing that you were both alone together. “i rebuilt my life from nothing. i tried to forget you. but every time i think i’ve moved on, something reminds me of you.”

mina’s face crumpled, and she took another step closer, until she was right in front of you. “please,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “please don’t shut me out again. i know i don’t deserve it, but i want to make things right. i need you, y/n. i’ve always needed you.”

you looked at her, really looked at her, and for the first time in years, you saw the vulnerability in her eyes. she wasn’t the mina on stage, the idol who commanded the attention of millions. she was just the girl you fell in love with all those years ago, the one who used to hold your hand and share secrets and breathless kisses in the dark.

but could you trust her again?

before you could answer, jihyo stepped into the room, gently placing a hand on mina’s shoulder. “let’s give it some time,” she said softly. “y/n’s been through a lot. this isn’t something that can be fixed overnight.

mina nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks as she took a step back. “i understand,” she whispered. “but i won’t give up. not on you.”

with that, she turned and left the room, leaving you standing there with the rest of the girls, your heart heavy with everything that had just happened.

you didn’t know what the future held. you didn’t know if you could ever forgive mina for what she did.

as you stood there, watching the door close behind her, you learned that a part of you, no matter how small, wanted to try.

the following months were a blur. after that night at the concert, mina tried reaching out to you in every way possible — texts, calls, even showing up at the bookstore where you worked. you ignored her, still unsure if you were ready to let her back into your life. every time you saw her name flash on your phone, your heart clenched, but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond.

eventually, mina’s messages became less frequent, though you knew from the other twice members that she was struggling, bad. they told you about her anxiety, how she was barely able to perform anymore, how the weight of losing you was crushing her. part of you felt guilty, but another part of you knew that she needed to face the consequences of her actions.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it wasn’t until mina made a public announcement that everything changed.

you were stunned.

the day of mina’s public press conference arrived like a storm, unexpected and impossible to ignore. you hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t even heard rumours about it until you stumbled upon a news headline on your phone while you were on a break at the bookstore.

“mina myoui of twice speaks out in emotional press conference: ‘i lost the love of my life because of my own mistakes.’”

your heart dropped. your hands shook as you clicked the link, the video starting almost instantly.

there she was, standing behind a podium, dressed simply in black, her face pale and drawn. cameras flashed incessantly, the noise of the reporters’ murmurs filled the room as she stood there, clearly struggling to keep her composure.

you hadn’t seen her like this before — not in all the years you were together, not in the countless press events she’d attended as an idol. this was different. this was raw.

as you watched, you could almost feel the vulnerability radiating off of her, like she was standing there with her heart in her hands, baring it for the rest of the world to see.

“thank you all for being here,” mina began, her voice shaky but resolute. she clutched the edges of the podium as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. “there is something i need to say. something i’ve needed to say for a long time.”

she took a deep breath, and in that moment, you could see the weight of everything she had carried for years. all the pain, the regret, the guilt; it was written on her face, in the way her shoulders slumped, in the tremble of her voice.

“i’ve made many mistakes in my life, and the biggest one of all was losing someone i loved more than anything. i’ve stayed silent about it for a long time, out of respect for them, and because…because i didn’t know how to face the truth.”

the room fell silent. even the reporters, always hungry for a story, seemed to sense the gravity of what she was about to say.

“i was in a relationship,” mina continued, her voice cracking slightly. “a relationship that i cherished more than anything in this world. you all would have known her as y/n.”

your breath caught in your throat as you listened, the words cutting deep. this wasn’t the mina the world was used to seeing. this wasn’t the idol, the face on billboards — this was the real mina: vulnerable, scared and desperate to make amends.

“my y/n,” she said softly, the name falling from her lips like a confession. “she was everything to me, she loved me when i was just mina, not an idol, not a public figure, just me. we were just kids.”

there was a collective gasp from the room, the reporters scribbling furiously in their notebooks, but mina didn’t stop. her eyes were red, tears shimmering at the edges, but she pressed on.

“i hurt her bad,” she added, her voice barely above a whisper now, but it was clear, unflinching. “it was a stupid, selfish mistake, and i’ve regretted it every single day since.”

the cameras zoomed in on her face, capturing every tear that slipped down her cheeks. you could see the pain etched into every line, the desperation in her eyes as she looked directly into the camera, as if she were speaking to you and only you.

“but i let the pressures of this industry, the expectations, get to me. i thought i needed to be someone else to survive in this world, and in the process, i lost the one person who truly mattered.”

you felt your chest tighten as you watched her fall apart in front of the world. it wasn’t just an apology; it was a public plea, a desperate attempt to reach you, wherever you were. and it was working. despite everything, you couldn’t stop the wave of emotion that crashed over you as you listened to her words.

she paused, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, but the tears kept coming.

“i need you to know that i haven’t stopped thinking about you. i haven’t stopped loving you. not for a single day. and if i could go back and change everything, i would. if i could give up this life, this fame, this career, to have you back, i would do it in a heartbeat.”

the silence in the room was deafening. even the reporters seemed to be holding their breath, captivated by the rawness of her confession.

mina took a shaky breath and looked down at her hands, her voice breaking completely as she spoke the next words. “i’ve been lost without you but i don’t expect you to forgive me,” she said, her voice barely audible now. “i don’t expect you to even want to see me again. but i had to say this. i had to let the world know what i did, and how much i regret it. because you deserve to know how much i loved you. how much i still love you.”

there was a long pause, and for a moment, it seemed like she was going to break down completely. then she straightened up, her eyes red and swollen, but resolute.

“i’m taking a break from everything,” she added quietly. “i need time to reflect, to heal, and to figure out who i am without all of this. i’ve been relieved all of my duties from twice, i need to find myself again and i hope you can all understand.”

the room was still. no one dared speak. no one dared interrupt the moment.

mina glanced down at the podium, her hands shaking slightly as she folded the piece of paper in front of her, though she hadn’t read from it once. then she looked back up at the camera, her expression full of sorrow, but also a kind of hope.

“y/n,” she whispered, her voice barely a breath, “if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, i’ll be waiting.”

and with that, she stepped away from the podium, leaving the room in stunned silence. the cameras continued to flash, the reporters murmured amongst themselves, but mina didn’t look back. she walked out of the room, her shoulders slumped, her heart laid bare for the world to see.

“what the fuck,” you mumbled to yourself, messages from everyone slowly flooding in.

years were spent building a life away from her, convincing yourself that you were over it, but now, after hearing her speak, after seeing the depth of her pain, you weren’t so sure.

you had loved her. and a part of you still did.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

over the next few days, the media exploded with the news of mina’s press conference. it was everywhere: on social media, in magazines, in every corner of the internet.

and amidst all the chaos, amidst all the noise, you found yourself replaying her words in your head over and over again.

she was stepping away. from everything.

because of you.

you hadn’t responded to her messages, her calls, or her letters for so long. you had kept her at arm’s length, refusing to let her back in after the way she hurt you. now, after seeing her like that; vulnerable, so broken — you wondered if you had been holding on to your anger for too long.

could you really spend the rest of your life shutting her out?

one day, as you sat in the bookstore, staring blankly at the stack of books in front of you, taylor came up to you with a hesitant look on her face.

“you okay?” she asked, her voice gentle. “you’ve been… kind of out of it since that whole press thing with, uh, you know…her.”

you sighed, rubbing a hand over your face. “i don’t know, taylor. i really don’t know.”

taylor paused, then handed you another envelope. “this came for you today. from japan again.”

it was from mina. you didn’t even need to open it to know. she had been sending them regularly now, each one more heartfelt than the last, each one filled with the same desperation and regret you had seen at the press conference.

you knew what she was asking for. forgiveness. a second chance.

but could you give it to her?

you hesitated for a long moment, then finally tore open the envelope, your hands shaking slightly as you unfolded the letter.

it was long, full of apologies and regrets, but it was also full of memories. mina wrote about the life she had imagined for the two of you, the life she had lost because of her mistakes. she wrote about how she was living in a small cabin in kyoto, trying to find herself again, and how she wished you could see the beauty of the place with her.

she had changed. she wasn’t the same person who had broken your heart all those years ago.

for weeks, the letters kept coming, each one more heartfelt than the last. mina poured her heart out on paper, describing her days in kyoto, the simple life she had built for herself away from the spotlight. she wrote about how much she had grown, how she had learned from her mistakes, and how much she still loved you.

“do you think you could forgive her?” taylor asked one day, her feet up on the register and fingers greased with butter from the fairy bread in her hand. “like i don’t know man, she seems pretty genuine about all this.”

“she has changed,” you mumbled, folding the piece of paper gently into a box filled with her letters.

and just maybe, you weren’t the same person either. by the time you finished reading her last letter. your decision was made.

you stared down at the blank paper in front of you, the pen heavy in your hand. for a long time, you just sat there, unsure of how to even begin. every time you thought of mina, it was like two opposing forces collided within you: one pulling you toward her, remembering the love you had, and the other pulling you away, reminding you of the pain she had caused.

and yet, despite the weight of it all, you found your hand moving almost on its own, words spilling onto the page.

dear mina,

i’m not sure where to start. i don’t even know if i should be writing this. it’s been four years and i thought i had moved on. but then you went and did something like that, something i never expected.

you paused, biting your lip as you stared at the words. it felt like you were pouring your heart out onto the page, but it also felt vulnerable in a way you hadn’t allowed yourself to be in a long time.

you continued writing, the words coming easier now.

i watched your press conference. i saw you standing there, telling the world about us. you have no idea how hard that was for me, hearing you talk about what we had, what we lost. for a long time, i thought i’d never be able to forgive you for what you did. when you cheated, it broke something in me that i didn’t think could ever be fixed.

now, after seeing you like that, after reading your letters…i don’t know, minari. i don’t know what to think anymore.

you sat back for a moment, rereading what you had written. it was honest, raw, and for the first time in years, you allowed yourself to confront the emotions you had buried.

i can see that you’ve changed. i can see that you regret what happened. and maybe i’ve changed too. maybe i’m finally ready to let go of the anger.

you hesitated, your pen hovering over the paper. maybe. the word felt heavy, unsure. but wasn’t that the truth? you didn’t know if you were ready to forgive her completely, however, you were ready to start, and that was something.

i don’t know if i’m ready to forgive you, not completely, you wrote, the words feeling like a relief as they left the tip of your pen. but i’m willing to talk. i’m willing to hear you out, to see if there’s something left between us. i think we both owe it to ourselves to figure that out.

you paused again, your heart pounding as you realized what you were about to do. this was the first real step toward letting her back into your life, and it scared you.

so, if you’re serious about this — about us — then i’m willing to try again.

sincerely, y/n.

you stared at the letter for a long time after you finished writing, the words on the page blurring as you thought about everything that had led you to this moment. you had spent years running from your feelings, building walls to protect yourself, but maybe it was time to stop running. maybe it was time to face the love you had lost and see if it could be rebuilt.

the next day, you mailed the letter.

weeks passed after you sent the letter, and for a while, there was nothing but silence. part of you had expected that — after all, mina had disappeared from the public eye, taking a hiatus to heal, just like she said she would. you wondered if she had received your letter, if she was still in that cabin in kyoto, waiting for your response.

“how are things with mina?” your dad casually brought her up over the phone, the air filling with tension.

“uh, yeah, i don’t really know,” you spun your fork around. “we’re sort of talking.”

“that girl loves you with all her life,” he sighed. “it was a shame to see her go.”

“i know.”

“forgive her, y/n!” your mum’s voice rung from the line, albeit a bit distant. she must’ve been in the kitchen. “love is all about hurting, if it finds its way back to you, don’t close your door to it.”

then, one day, you received a letter back.

your heart pounded as you opened it, mina’s familiar handwriting scrawled across the page. you sat down at your small kitchen table, hands trembling slightly as you began to read.

dear y/n,

thank you. thank you for writing back, and thank you for giving me a chance, even if it’s just to talk. when i received your letter, i couldn’t stop crying. i know that i don’t deserve your forgiveness, and i wasn’t sure if you would ever want to speak to me again, but knowing that you’re willing to at least try…it means everything to me.

i understand that you’re not ready to forgive me yet, and i don’t expect you to be. i know i hurt you deeply, and it’s going to take time. but i promise, y/n, i’m not the same person i was back then. i’ve had a lot of time to reflect on who i am, on what i want out of life, and more than anything, i want to be the person you fell in love with again.

i’m still in kyoto, living a quiet life in the cabin. it’s peaceful here, in a way i’ve never experienced before. sometimes, i walk through the cherry blossom trees, and i think about what it would be like if you were here with me, seeing the beauty of this place.

i know i have a long way to go to prove myself to you, but i’m willing to do whatever it takes. i’ve been thinking about the life we could have together — the one we dreamed of. i want us to have a future again.

but i also know that i have to earn it. so, i’ll wait. as long as it takes, i’ll wait.

with all my love, mina.

her letter rest in your lap, it smelt just like her. they all do. your mind was swirling with thoughts and emotions. it felt surreal, hearing from her again, reading her words, feeling the sincerity behind them.

and in that fleeting moment, you realised something. you wanted that future too.

over the next few months, you and mina exchanged letters regularly. they were long, filled with memories, apologies, and hopes for the future.

she wrote about her days in kyoto, about the small joys she found in the quiet life she was leading, about how she was rediscovering who she was outside of the idol world. you wrote back, telling her about your life in australia, about taylor, about the bookstore and the ocean that had become your refuge.

slowly, the walls between you began to crumble.

and then, one day, you made a decision.

you booked a flight to kyoto.

the air in kyoto was crisp and cool as you stepped off the plane, the cherry blossoms in full bloom as you made your way through the city. it had been years since you had been in japan, and the familiarity of it felt strange, almost foreign after the life you had built in australia. there was something comforting about it too, something that made your heart beat faster as you thought about what was waiting for you.

mina.

you hadn’t told her you were coming. you wanted it to be a surprise, and you weren’t even sure what you were going to say when you saw her. after months of letters, after all the words and apologies and hopes shared between the two of you, you knew one thing for sure:

you had to see her.

you followed the directions she had given you in one of her letters, winding through narrow streets and past beautiful gardens until you reached a small cabin nestled at the edge of a quiet grove of cherry trees. the sight of it took your breath away.

simple, unassuming, but surrounded by a beauty that seemed almost unreal.

for a moment, you just stood there, staring at the cabin, your heart pounding in your chest. this was it.

you took a deep breath, then walked up to the door and knocked.

there was a long pause, and for a minute, you wondered if she was even home. then, the door opened, and there she was.

she looked different, yet the same. her hair was longer, pulled back into a loose ponytail, and she was dressed simply in a cream sweater and black joggers. but it was her eyes that caught you—the same eyes you had fallen in love with all those years ago, filled with shock, hope, and something else…something you hadn’t seen in a long time.

“y/n?” her voice was soft, disbelieving, as if she couldn’t believe you were standing there in front of her.

you swallowed hard, your heart racing as you looked at her, taking in every detail. “hi, mina.”

for a long moment, neither of you moved. you just stood there, staring at each other, the weight of everything that had happened hanging in the air between you. and then, before you could say anything else, mina stepped forward and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into a tight, desperate embrace.

you hesitated for a second, your body stiff with the shock of it all, but then you melted into her embrace, your arms wrapping around her in return.

like coming home after being lost for so long.

“i’m sorry,” mina whispered against your shoulder, her voice breaking. “i’m so sorry.”

you closed your eyes, holding her tighter. “i know.”

you stood there for what felt like an eternity, holding each other as the cherry blossoms fell gently around you, the weight of the past slowly lifting.

you were ready to find your way back to each other.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

over the next few years, you and mina rebuilt what had been broken. it wasn’t easy — there were still moments of hurt, moments when the past threatened to resurface, but you both worked through it.

you travelled together, exploring the places you had always dreamed of visiting. you laughed and cried together, and found joy in the simple moments of life.

one day, in a quiet moment under the cherry blossom trees, mina got down on one knee and asked you to marry her.

you said yes.

the wedding was small, private, just the two of you and a handful of close friends. it wasn’t the grand, public affair that mina’s life had once been filled with: it was quiet, intimate, and full of love.

“mrs and mrs myoi!” all your friends cheered, the ones who have been there throughout your journey, throwing petals of flowers at you.

“i can’t believe you’re actually married,” rosé cries alongside jennie, them pushing each other playfully in the crowd. “i hope i’m not next.”

you laughed and as you stood there, hand in hand with the woman you had once thought you had lost forever, you realised that you had both found your way back to where you belonged.

together.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the soft glow of the morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm haze over the room. you sat on the edge of the bed, exhaustion etched into every part of your body, but there was an undeniable peace that had settled over you. next to you, mina lay with her head against the pillow, her hair tousled, eyes soft as they gazed at the tiny bundle in your arms.

in your lap, wrapped in a light blue blanket, was your son.

he was small, delicate, his tiny fingers curled around your thumb as he slept soundly, oblivious to the world around him. his dark hair, still wispy, stuck out at odd angles, and you couldn’t stop staring at him.

mina shifted beside you, reaching out to gently stroke his cheek with the pad of her finger, her eyes filled with wonder and something deeper. “he’s so beautiful,” she whispered, her voice full of emotion. “i think he’s going to have those striking eyes of yours.”

you smiled, feeling a swell of pride and love in your chest. “yeah, he really is.”

the two of you sat in silence for a moment, just taking in the sight of your son, feeling the enormity of the moment settle over you. it had been a long journey to get here, but now, sitting here with the love of your life and your first child, it all felt worth it.

mina leaned her head against your shoulder, her eyes never leaving the baby’s face. “what should we call him?”

you had talked about names for months, tossing ideas back and forth, but now that he was here, the name you both loved most seemed to fit perfectly. even the girls had their input, but you put a halt to it when jeongyeon suggested bob.

“yuto,” you said softly, the name feeling right on your tongue. “what do you think?”

mina smiled, her eyes shining with tears. “yuto,” she repeated, testing it out. “it’s perfect.”

yuto stirred in your arms, his tiny face scrunching up for a moment before he settled back into sleep. you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, feeling the overwhelming love you had for him already.

mina wrapped her arm around you, pulling you closer, and the two of you sat there in the quiet of the morning, holding the newest member of your family. yuto was yours — yours and mina’s — a symbol of everything you had been through, of the love you had fought so hard to rebuild.

“welcome to the world, yuto,” mina whispered softly, her voice full of love.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the house in australia was quiet, except for the gentle rustling of leaves outside and the occasional sound of the ocean in the distance. it had been their home for decades, a place filled with laughter, love, and memories that spanned a lifetime. the walls were lined with photos, capturing every stage of their journey together —the wedding, the birth of their children, and moments spent with friends who had become family.

yuto, their eldest, a kind and thoughtful person who had followed in your footsteps, becoming a producer in his own right, though he chose to stay out of the limelight. he had his mother’s calm demeanor, often the one to bring peace during any family chaos.

their second child, a daughter named haruka, was full of fire and creativity. she had her own art gallery in melbourne and was known for her bold, expressive paintings that often captured the vibrant landscapes of australia. haruka was fierce, protective, and carried the weight of being a middle child with grace, always looking out for her siblings.

next came their son akira, who had inherited your grace and sense of purpose. akira was a dancer, like his mother once was and he traveled the world performing in renowned dance companies. he had a quiet intensity about him, thoughtful and introspective, yet he was always the first to call when something important happened, making sure the family stayed connected despite the miles between them.

the youngest, hana, was the baby of the family. she was gentle and soft-spoken, often the quiet observer in a room, but her empathy and kindness shone through in everything she did. hana worked as a therapist, helping children and families navigate difficult moments, and she was adored by her nieces and nephews for her gentle, nurturing nature.

you and mina had watched your children grow into adults with pride, and though the years had weathered your bodies, the love you shared remained as strong as ever. you were in your early 80s now, both of you moving slower than you used to, but still finding joy in the simple moments; like the quiet sunday mornings where you’d sit together, sipping tea and watching the world wake up.

it was during one of those mornings, the sun just starting to filter through the curtains, that you and mina found yourselves reminiscing about the old days.

“do you ever think about the girls?” mina asked softly, her hand resting on yours, her touch still as warm as ever.

you nodded, your thoughts drifting back to the early days of your life together, back when twice had been at the height of their fame. “i do,” you said, your voice quiet with the weight of memories. “it feels like a lifetime ago.”

she sighed, her gaze distant as she thought of her old friends. “chaeyoung and dahyun…” she trailed off, her voice breaking slightly.

they had passed years ago, both gone too soon. chaeyoung’s death had hit the hardest —unexpected and sudden, a loss that none of you had been prepared for. dahyun had followed a few years later, her health declining steadily after a battle with illness. the grief had been heavy, but the bond between the remaining members of twice had only grown stronger with time, even as life took them in different directions.

“and tzuyu,” you added, feeling the familiar ache in your chest. tzuyu had lived a long, full life, but her passing had left a hole in all of you. “she was the last to go, wasn’t she?”

mina nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “and nayeon,” she said quietly. “she’s not doing well. i’m afraid she won’t make it next christmas.”

you knew. nayeon had been in and out of the hospital for years now, her health fragile, and though you both tried to stay in touch, it was difficult. the distance, both physical and emotional, had grown over the years.

but the love was still there, a bond that time couldn’t break

“we had a good life,” mina whispered, leaning her head against your shoulder. “didn’t we?”

you smiled, your heart full. “the best,” you agreed. “we’ve been through so much, but we made it through together. and our children and grandchildren, minari, they are beautiful.”

she smiled, her eyes closing as she let out a contented sigh. “i love you forever, y/n, in every lifetime, i’m certain i’m yours.”

“i love you too, my darling,” you whispered, your voice filled with all the love you had carried for her over the decades.

the two of you sat there for a while longer, the silence between you comfortable, the weight of the years resting gently on your shoulders.

when you woke up the next morning, the room was still.

mina didn’t wake.

you stared at her peaceful face, your heart breaking as you realised she left in her sleep. she looked so serene, as if she had simply drifted away, leaving behind nothing but the memory of her warmth.

the tears came before you could stop them, your chest tightening with grief so profound it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

your children came quickly, each of them devastated by the loss of their mother. yuto, always the calm one, held you close, his own grief hidden behind the mask of strength he wore for the rest of the family. haruka sobbed openly, her fiery nature unable to be contained in the face of such a loss. akira was silent, his face pale and drawn, while hana cried quietly, her hand clasped tightly in yours as you all tried to process the reality of a world without mina.

the remaining members of twice arrived shortly after, their faces etched with the same grief you felt. nayeon, despite her frail health, had insisted on being there, leaning heavily on jeongyeon for support. jeongyeon’s face was a mask of sorrow, her strong shoulders carrying not only her grief but that of those around her. momo remained quiet, she had always been close to mina, her hands were clasped and her lips trembled as she tried to hold back her tears. sana leaned against momo, her arms wrapped around her in comfort, and yet her own grief threatened to overwhelm her. and lastly…jihyo, the one who had organised the funeral and made sure it would be perfect for your wife, her usual composure cracking from the weight of losing mina.

they held a small, private funeral for mina, just family and her closest friends. it was simple, just like she would have wanted. the ceremony was filled with bittersweet memories, with stories of her laughter, her grace, her kindness. everyone spoke of how beautiful she was, inside and out, and how deeply she had touched their lives.

as you sat there, listening to the stories being shared, the grief felt overwhelming. it wasn’t just that you had lost your partner, your soulmate.

it was that an era had ended. the life you had built together, the memories you had shared, felt so fragile now.

“she was everything to me,” you whispered, your voice breaking as you spoke to those gathered around you. “i don’t know how to live without her.”

but the truth was, you didn’t have to.

because not even a week after mina’s passing, you went to bed one night and never woke up.

when your children found you, there was no shock, no surprise. there was only peace. they knew, as did the remaining members of twice, that you and mina were always meant to be together, in life and in death.

your passing was marked by another quiet funeral, this time with even more tears but also a sense of comfort. your children, yuto, haruka, akira, and hana, stood together, knowing that the love you and mina shared would live on in them. the twice members gathered again, this time to say goodbye to both of you, their tears mingling with soft laughter as they shared stories of the lives you had lived.

“they were always together,” nayeon uttered, her voice hoarse from crying. “it’s only fitting that they left together too.”

jeongyeon nodded, wiping at her eyes. “they lived a beautiful life. they were happy.”

“they had each other,” sana added softly, her voice filled with emotion.

and in the end, that was all that mattered.

you and mina, after decades of love, pain, joy, and sorrow, had found your way back to each other in the most permanent way possible.

and now, in whatever came next, you were together once again.

because that’s how it had always been, and that’s how it always would be.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the end

[latin5mamii]

Pretending - Jude Bellingham

Warnings: none, maybe a bit smut (?)

Summary: Why moving on needs to be so hard?

Author's note: i don't know about this...let me know if you like it! masterlist

Genre: reader x Ex!JudeBellingham (wordcount: 1425)

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

I could hardly believe my eyes.

Just when I thought I’d moved on, ready to start a new chapter and forget about him, there he was, looking like an angel descended to earth, a living Michelangelo masterpiece.

Was it the alcohol, or had he always been like this?

The sad truth was that I missed him more than I was willing to admit, and deep down, I hoped he missed me too.

When his eyes met mine, panic surged through me. I quickly turned away, pretending I hadn’t noticed him, as if that could somehow shield me from the storm of emotions brewing inside. I was terrified to face him, to meet his gaze, to exchange even a simple hello.

If I had truly moved on, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. No nervous fluttering in my stomach, no racing thoughts. But let’s be honest, this wasn’t just anyone. This was Jude Bellingham.

I could pretend I only noticed some of his teammates, but that would be a lie. He was surrounded by girls, their eager eyes betraying their desperation. Not that he paid them much attention, but they were ready to do anything to get close to him.

Before I met him, I had never been a jealous person, but what I loved most about him was his loyalty. Now, even though our relationship was over and I should have moved on, a pang hit my heart.

I had sworn to my friends that I wouldn’t fall for him again, no matter what. At the time, it seemed easy enough. I was confident, even defiant. But then I saw him, and all the walls I’d built crumbled in an instant. The progress I’d made was undone with a single glance.

“Show that you’ve moved on, you’re a fuckin’ independent girl.”

“He’s such a loser thinking he can get you back.”

What they didn’t know was that if I could, I would have jumped into his arms the moment I walked into the place. But I couldn’t. Maybe because my ego is as high as a mountain, and I’ve always followed this fundamental rule: Don’t go back to your exes.

Little did I know that soon this rule was going to be forgotten.

With my back still turned to him, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Before turning around, I tried to imagine who it could be. I hoped with all my heart that it was him, but all my hopes were shattered the moment I turned around.

There stood a man, visibly older than me, with a dazzling smile as he offered me his hand.

“Would you like to dance?”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Jude has always been the jealous type, the kind of guy who feels the need to protect his territory. And I loved that protective side of him to death.

Ever since that guy asked me to dance, Jude hasn’t been able to take his eyes off me. I smiled slightly to myself because I knew the effect I had on him. I could see that irritated expression of his, the one that said, “I don’t like what I’m watching,” and butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the thought that maybe, just maybe, he still wanted me.

The guy had gone to get drinks, and while I was waiting, I heard a voice behind me, a voice too familiar to ignore.

“Were you trying to catch my attention? ‘Cause you did.”

My heart skipped a beat as I turned slowly, almost afraid of what I might find. There he was, closer than I expected, his eyes locked onto mine.

“I’m just trying to move on, like you should too,” I lied, my voice barely steady.

“Oh, sure you are,” Jude replied, his tone laced with sarcasm, but his eyes told a different story. They were searching mine, as if trying to find some truth behind my words.

“I saw how you were looking at me before, pretending not to notice,” he continued, stepping closer, my hands trembling harder than before.

“And I saw how you looked at me,” I shot back, my breath catching in my throat.

He smirked, the kind of smirk that made my knees weak. “So, what now? We keep pretending? Or are we going to talk about the fact that neither of us has moved on?”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew this night was going to be a long one.

His eyes and that little smirk. My heart was beating faster than it should have. Why was moving on so hard? My desire to jump into his arms was stronger than ever.

“Stop looking at me like that,” his voice pulled me back to reality. His gaze flickered away, a lazy smile tugging at his lips as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Like what?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “Like you always did before.” He hesitated, then continued, “I miss you so fuckin’ much.”

His words hung in the air between us, the kind of tension that made it hard to breathe. “I miss you so fuckin’ much,” he repeated, his voice rough, as if the confession had taken everything out of him. His eyes, dark and intense, locked onto mine, searching for any hint of what I might be feeling.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the words caught in my throat. It was impossible to think straight with him standing so close, looking at me like I was the only person in the room.

“Tell me you don’t miss me,” he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur, “and I’ll walk away right now. But if you do, even a little…” He trailed off, his gaze flickering down to my lips before meeting my eyes again. “Then let’s stop pretending.”

My heart pounded in my chest. I wanted to deny it, to tell him that I didn’t miss him, that I was perfectly fine on my own. But you know what the truth was.

“You’re making this really hard,” I finally managed to say, my voice shaky but laced with the frustration of someone who was desperately trying to hold it together.

He reached out, his fingers lightly tracing the curve of my jaw, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed the gap between us, his lips brushing against my ear as he spoke, each word sending butterflies to my stomach. "I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes. You can't hide from me, not now."

He pressed a soft kiss on my jaw, making me grip the bottom of his shirt. His hand then took my wrist, a grip much stronger and demanding. His fingers intertwined with mine.

I timidly sought his eyes, which immediately met my gaze.

“Am I going to regret this?” Words came out in a whisper. Enough to be heard but not enough to hide myself from him. I could never.

“Not if you want to.”

And there it was. In that moment, I was fucked.

I pulled him by his shirt to bring my lips closer to his, first just brushing against them, then Jude's hand slid around my hips, pulling me closer as his lips finally moved against mine with a fervor that took my breath away. I responded eagerly, wrapping my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss with a hunger that matched his own.

As his kisses traveled from my lips to my neck, the sensation of his warm breath and soft, tantalizing kisses made it hard to think. His lips brushed against my collarbone, moving lower, each kiss sending shivers down my spine, like always.

“I think we should take this to my place, yeah?”

[steveseddie]

my heart burns there too

steddie | rating: t | wc: 4,7k | cw: none | tags: misunderstandings, light angst, pining, eddie jumps into some crazy ass conclusions, but it’s all good in the end

for @steddie-spooktober day eight, prompt “bonfire”

read on ao3 here

The bonfire is Robin’s idea, but Steve is who extends the invitation to Eddie when he stops by Family Video one day.

“A bonfire? Won’t that get us arrested?” He asks, leaning on the counter and watching Steve operate the tape rewinder with a bored expression.

“Nah, man,” Steve says with a shrug. “Hopper is Chief again and you’d be surprised by how easy it is to get him off your back if you play the ‘I fought monsters with your kid’ card.”

Eddie lets out a snort. “Wish I had that all those times that he picked me up for dealing.”

Steve sniggers. The tape rewinder makes a loud clicking sound, signaling that it’s finished, and Steve removes the tape, putting it back in its case before rewinding a new one. “So are you in?”

“Sure,” Eddie says, never one to turn down the opportunity to spend time with Steve— and Robin, of course. “But I’m not holding hands with you and Buckley and singing Kumbaya.”

For some reason, that makes Steve blush. He ducks his head, fiddling with another tape. “Um, well, it’s not just us, Nance is coming too.”

Ah, Eddie thinks, now the blush makes more sense.

He tries not to let his disappointment show. He doesn’t want Steve to think he has anything against Nancy because the truth is that he doesn’t. Nancy is great— she’s nice, she’s smart and she’s fucking badass. He wasn’t lying during that Spring Break from Hell when he told Steve that he should win her back, Wheeler is a fucking catch. Even Eddie, gay as fuck as he is, can see it.

Only now things are different. Not the fact that Nancy is a catch, she still is. But now she’s single, and she and Steve have been inseparable since she ended things with Jonathan.

Oh, and now Eddie is stupidly and hopelessly in love with Steve so he’s just waiting for the day when they finally announce that they’re back together and break Eddie’s heart.

He doesn’t know what they’re waiting for and he kinda wishes they would just get the fuck on with it. At least then, Eddie could stomp down any hope of anything ever happening between him and Steve. Right now they’re in a weird limbo where some days Eddie will catch Steve’s gaze flickering down to his lips or he’ll feel his touches linger a little too long and he’ll think maybe, but then he’ll walk into Steve’s kitchen to find Nancy and Steve whispering with their heads pushed together only for them to break apart and go quiet the moment they see him or he’ll try to make plans with Steve only to watch him fumble for an excuse before admitting he’s hanging out with Nancy. And every time his heart shatters a little, so better to just rip the bandage off once and for all.

“Eds?”

Steve’s voice snaps Eddie out of his thoughts and he realizes that he fell uncharacteristically quiet at the mention of Nancy. So much for acting like he doesn’t have a problem with her. Goddammit.

He plasters a smile on his face. “Wheeler is coming, you say? Great! The more the merrier!” He says, hoping it sounds convincing enough. “Should I bring something? Lighter fluid? Marshmallows? Child sacrifices?”

A woman standing to the side of the counter, letting the kid in her arms pick something from the candy display gasps audibly, scowling at Eddie and switching the toddler from one arm to the other, further away from him.

Whoops.

Steve gives him a look— why are you like this? it says. Eddie shrugs.

“Just bring drinks, okay?” Steve whispers to him after giving the woman a placating smile.

“Sure thing, big boy,” he says, delighting in the baffled little pout Steve makes every time Eddie calls him that. “Anything else?”

“Well,” Steve purses his lips, thinking. “I’ve got everything we need for the bonfire, Rob is bringing the music and Nance is in charge of the snacks.”

“Tell her I want s’mores.”

“She’s way ahead of you, man,” Steve says with a chuckle. Eddie’s eye twitches— of course perfect Nancy already picked the perfect snacks.

Nancy isn’t your problem, Eddie reminds himself, the problem is that Steve’s straight and still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, and frankly, out of your league.

He sighs. “Sweet, I’ll see you and the ladies on Friday then.”

“Oh, you’re leaving already?” Steve asks, sounding almost disappointed. Other than the woman and her child, the store is empty and has been for the entire time Eddie has been here. He’s probably dreading being alone for the rest of a slow shift.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Eddie says, “I promised Red I’d drive her to the skatepark and if I’m late to pick her up, she’ll beat me to death with her skateboard and I’m too pretty to die.”

Steve smiles at him, that little lopsided smile that Eddie likes to believe is reserved just for him. He’s never seen him smile like that at anyone else— fond, amused, endeared. “Yeah, you are,” he says and winks.

Eddie’s breath hitches, his traitorous heart thinks maybe but his brain stomps down that hope real quick.

“Careful, Stevie, or Wheeler might get jealous,” he jokes but it doesn’t come out as lighthearted as he wishes.

Steve’s eyebrows furrow but before he can say anything else, a group of kids comes barrelling through the door followed by an exhausted parent and they all walk up to the counter to ask Steve for recommendations for their movie night.

Eddie quietly slips away from the counter, giving Steve a lazy salute and getting a finger wiggle in return before the kids loudly demand his attention.

Six little nuggets, Eddie thinks, recalling a conversation between Steve and Nancy that he wasn’t supposed to hear.

His heart breaks a little more. He wonders how long it’ll take before it shatters completely.

***

To no one’s surprise, Eddie is the last one to arrive at the bonfire.

He parks his van between Steve’s car and Nancy’s station wagon at the spot Steve circled on a map when he gave Eddie directions. After swinging his guitar over his shoulder and grabbing the cooler filled with sodas and beer, he follows the smell of smoke and the sound of Buckley’s boombox through the woods.

He spots Robin first— feeding dry leaves and twigs into the fire and singing along to some pop song Eddie doesn’t recognize.

Eddie whistles appreciatively. “That’s one impressive fire, Birdie!”

Robin jumps, dropping the leaves and the twigs to the ground with a startled yelp. When she spots Eddie, her face breaks into a big grin and she clumsily steps over the logs arranged around the bonfire to hug him as best as she can with the cooler between them and Eddie’s guitar on his back.

“You made it! And you brought your guitar!” She says, bouncing on her feet with excitement.

“Yup, there’s no way I’m letting you make my ears bleed by listening to pop tunes all night,” he teases and gets a light punch on his arm for it.

“I didn’t know you could play metal with just an acoustic.”

“Metal isn’t all I know, Birdie, I have hidden depths,” he says, thinking about all the country and folk songs he knows thanks to Wayne.

Robin cackles. “Sure you do, Munson.”

He sticks his tongue out at her and then glances around, looking for Steve and Nancy but they’re nowhere to be seen.

“They’re picking up more wood,” Robin says when she notices him looking. “They should be back soon.”

Unless they got distracted making out, Eddie thinks, biting down on his tongue to not let the bitter comment slip past his lips.

As if on cue, they hear leaves rustling and then Nancy and Steve step out from the treeline. Steve is carrying the wood and Eddie gets to enjoy the way his biceps bulge from the weight before his eyes zero in on Nancy’s tiny hand wrapped around Steve’s arm. They’re in deep conversation, Steve listening intently and nodding as Nancy speaks to him with a soft voice, her hand never leaving his arm. They don’t even notice he’s there until Robin points it out.

“Hey! Look who’s here!” She says, oblivious to the downward turn of Eddie’s mouth.

Both Nancy and Steve’s heads snap in their direction and Eddie tries really hard to school his features into something casual and less green-eyed monster.

Nancy’s hand falls from Steve’s arm and the pile of wood he’s carrying falters a little before Steve hoists it up again, biceps flexing. Eddie tears his eyes from his arms to look at his face, expecting him to look like he just spent the last ten minutes making out with Nancy or like he just got caught red-handed but instead, he’s grinning widely at Eddie, eyes twinkling under the moonlight.

“Hey, Eds!” He says, attempting to wave with his elbow but giving up when a piece of wood falls to the ground, his cheeks pinking up in embarrassment. “Shit, Nance, can you—” he starts but Nancy is already picking it up and placing it back on the top of the pile. “Thanks.”

Eddie carelessly drops the cooler in front of him. “Hey, Stevie. Hey, Wheeler,” he says, sweeping down in an over dramatic bow. “I come bearing drinks.”

Robin whoops, throwing the lid open and grabbing a wine cooler while Nancy picks up a beer.

Steve forgoes the cooler, dropping the wood on the ground next to it and walking around it to pull Eddie into a hug.

It takes him a little by surprise but he recovers quickly, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist. “Hey, sweetheart,” he whispers against Steve's neck, feeling him shudder, probably from the cold. He's only wearing a polo shirt, and despite the fire burning next to them, Eddie feels a slight chill in the air even though his jacket. “You smell like smoke.”

Steve snorts. “Oh, so I smell like you?”

It’s Eddie’s turn to shudder as his brain provides a handful of other reasons why Steve would smell like him. He tells his lizard brain to cool it and pulls back. “Yup, exactly! And you should know the smell is a bitch to get rid of.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Steve says, shrugging. With a wink, he adds, “I like it.”

Which to Eddie sounds flirty and a lot like ‘I like the way you smell’ and it takes his brain a moment to recover from that, but he does it just in time to catch the beer Steve tosses at him, even if he fumbles with it at first.

“You did a good job with the fire, Stevie,” he says, expertly popping the bottle open and gulping half of it down.

He catches Steve watching his throat as he drinks and the way he gives a little shake of his head before glancing at the bonfire. “You only say that because you didn’t see my first two failed attempts,” he chuckles. “It was actually Nancy who got it going.”

Eddie’s grip on the bottle tightens. “What would we do without her?” He says, voice a little clipped.

Steve’s smile falters but luckily doesn’t ask what Eddie’s problem is. “So are you gonna play for us?” He asks instead, gesturing at the guitar still hanging from his shoulder.

“Not just yet, Stevie. I was promised snacks, I’m hungry.”

“Me too!” Robin jumps in.

“Oh, the snacks are in the car,” Nancy says, digging through her bag for the keys. “I’ll go get them!”

“It’s okay, Nance. Eddie and I can go,” Steve volunteers, and with a secretive smile, Nancy tosses him the keys.

“Don’t forget you gotta—”

“Jiggle the key to open the trunk, I know,” Steve finishes with a smirk.

Eddie doesn’t realize he’s pouting until Steve points it out. Luckily he thinks it’s because he volunteered Eddie to get the snack too, and not because Steve is finishing Nancy’s sentences. “Stop pouting, Eds, it’s not that far.”

“You only say that because you didn’t have to carry a cooler and a guitar all the way here,” Eddie responds snarkily before setting his beer down on the ground and falling into step next to Steve.

“I’ll do the heavy lifting this time,” Steve smirks.

Eddie squeezes Steve’s arm, feeling the taut muscle underneath. “Seems like you already have, big boy,” he says, his voice coming out lower and flirty now that they left Nancy at the bonfire.

With an undignified yelp, Steve trips over something and Eddie, who hadn’t let go of his arm yet, tightens his grip to keep him on his feet.

“Careful, sweetheart,” Eddie says and Steve curses under his breath. Maybe his foot got caught on a root and he hurt himself— it’s hard to see the ground when all they have is the moonlight filtering through the trees. “You okay?”

“Yup, yeah, thanks, man,” Steve stammers out, giving Eddie a tight smile. “Come on, we don’t want to keep Robin waiting, you know how she gets when she’s hungry.”

Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah, I know. I still have her bite mark on my fucking arm,” he says, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket to point out the fading bruise from their last movie night when the pizza was taking too long to get there and Buckley decided to chump on his arm. “As if getting chumped on by demobats wasn’t enough!”

Steve sniggers. His eyes sparkle with something when he says, “Don’t think I can blame her for wanting a piece of you, though,” matching Eddie’s tone from before— low and flirty.

Eddie’s eyes widen, he stops looking at where he’s going to gawk at Steve and trips on a rock. With no one grabbing his arm, he goes down, landing on his hands and knees.

“Motherfucker,” he curses, his face burning with embarrassment.

“Christ, Eddie,” Steve mutters, hurrying to help him up.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” he laments with a chuckle, brushing off dirt from his pants and his hands.

“You okay?” Steve asks softly and then Eddie feels hands cupping his cheeks and tilting his head up until he meets Steve’s eyes. “You didn’t hit your head?”

Eddie shakes his head no, but the truth is he isn’t exactly sure— maybe he hit his head and now he’s hallucinating how close their faces are or how Steve’s eyes linger a little too long on his lips as they dart over his face, looking for any sign that Eddie hurt himself.

“Um,” Eddie clears his throat which feels a little dry. “We should get those snacks before the girls send a search party after us.”

Steve nods, and after letting his right thumb brush over Eddie’s cheekbone once, he drops his hands from his face.

Heat builds up on Eddie’s face, making his cheeks burn hotter than the bonfire.

They stay like that all the way to Nancy’s car.

***

Back at the bonfire, Robin snatches the marshmallows from Eddie’s arms. “What took you guys so long?” She asks, ripping the bag open and unceremoniously shoving one into her mouth.

“Gee, and they call me feral!” Eddie says and is rewarded by Robin hitting him with the bag of giant marshmallows. It doesn’t hurt, they’re marshmallows, but Eddie is nothing if not dramatic.

He grabs his arm where she hit him and falls to his knees, as if wounded. “This is what I get for braving the woods at night for your snacks, Lady Buckley? The nerve, the ungratefulness! I shall never recover!”

Robin lets out a giggly snort. She offers him a marshmallow on a stick for him to roast as an apology which he graciously accepts.

When he looks up, he finds Steve looking down at him with an amused expression. “Why do you insist on dropping to your knees in the middle of the woods? Your jeans are ripped enough as it is!”

Eddie’s mouth acts faster than his brain, leering at Steve as he says, “You don't like how I look on my knees, sweetheart?”

Steve’s eyes widen almost comically, his cheeks flaring an alarming shade of red. Eddie doesn’t get to enjoy the sight of a flustered Steve for long, his head snapping to his right when there’s a loud gasp that doesn’t come from either of them.

His eyes meet Nancy’s wide ones as they dart from Steve to Eddie to Eddie’s knees and back at Steve, her lips mouthing a silent, “Oh.”

Oh? Eddie thinks, ‘Oh’ what?

She can’t possibly mean— even if Steve said this isn’t the first time Eddie drops to his knees tonight, she can’t possibly think— oh Christ, does she?

Eddie is about to blurt out something along the lines of, ‘I didn’t blow your secret boyfriend in the woods, I just wish I did’ when Nancy’s eyes meet Steve’s and out of the corner of his eye, Eddie sees Steve firmly shake his head. That seems to be enough for Nancy, whose shocked expression melts away as she stands up and joins Robin where she’s roasting her marshmallow.

Eddie sits back on his heels with a sigh.

“You okay?” Steve asks, knocking his Nike against Eddie’s leg.

No, your girlfriend just thought you cheated on her with me! Eddie wants to say. “Yup, come on, let’s make some s’mores,” he says instead, pushing himself off the ground to go sit on one of the logs arranged around the bonfire.

He expects Steve to sit with Nancy, to appease her further but he sits next to Eddie, leaving no space between them despite there being plenty of room.

Eddie doesn’t mind, he loves having Steve close. Still, he can’t help but send surreptitious glances at Nancy every once in a while, averting his eyes when he finds her staring right back a few times.

He stops glancing at her when he gets distracted by Steve eating his s’mores— more specifically by him messily licking his lips and fingers clean. Not even his own marshmallow catching on fire can make Eddie tear his gaze away from Steve’s tongue lapping at the melted chocolate on his fingers, not until Robin screeches and points at the blackened little thing at the end of Eddie’s stick.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Eddie curses as he pulls it out of the fire to blow on it, extinguishing the flames. Next to him, Steve laughs, lips stretched in a smug smile that it’s a little too knowing.

Holding the stick between his legs, Eddie squeezes the marshmallow between the crackers and the chocolate before taking a bite. There’s a slight burnt taste to it but it’s still good, so Eddie eats it enthusiastically.

He can feel Steve’s eyes on him as he does and he considers putting on a show like he did— licking and sucking on his fingers in an obscene way. But before he can, Steve is reaching out and wiping chocolate from Eddie’s bottom lip with his thumb.

Eddie’s breath hitches, his eyes widening.

Red blooms on Steve’s cheeks and he drops his hand to his lap. “Uh, you had chocolate on your lip.”

“Thanks, Stevie,” Eddie mumbles. He jerks his thumb over his shoulder, “I’m gonna— I need a beer.”

He scrambles to his feet, stepping over Steve to get to the cooler. He nearly drops the beer when he looks up and finds Nancy staring at him, lips pursed and a tiny frown between her eyebrows.

Did she see Steve do that? Is she mad? Eddie wonders, averting his eyes and staring at the flames instead.

And more importantly— what the fuck is Steve playing at?

***

Eddie finally gets his answer about an hour later.

The four of them are sitting around the bonfire, drinking beer and talking about everything and nothing. Robin and Nancy are sharing a blanket they grabbed from Steve’s trunk because, despite the fire that’s still burning, the air has only turned colder as the night goes on. Eddie is sharing a log with Steve— or he was until Steve stood up to put on his Members Only jacket and sat down on the ground instead, leaning against Eddie’s leg.

Eddie didn’t question it at first, assuming that Steve wanted to be closer to the fire while still leeching some of Eddie’s body heat, which is fine by him. But then Steve wrapped his arm around Eddie’s calf and dropped his head on Eddie’s thigh, essentially cuddling Eddie’s leg.

That’s also fine with Eddie. At least until Steve’s hand starts rubbing up and down Eddie’s leg, his fingers occasionally coming in contact with bare skin where his jeans ride up and his sock rides down while, at the same time, his hair is tickling Eddie’s skin through the rips in his jeans.

He reaches for Steve’s hair, intending to move it away from his leg but the moment his fingers touch the strands, Steve shudders and melts under the touch. Eddie doesn’t have the heart to push Steve’s head away so he ends up playing with his hair instead, brushing his fingers through the strands.

It’s maddening. All of it— Steve’s head on his lap, his fingers in Steve’s hair and the small noises it drags from him, Steve’s fingers playing with his ankle bracelet and his wiry leg hairs.

Suddenly, Eddie feels hot all over, and it has nothing to do with the flames bathing them in red and yellow and orange. And when Steve tilts his head and kisses Eddie’s knee it feels as if he might burst into flames.

But when he looks up and finds Nancy staring at them with what can only be described as a scowl —a jealous scowl— it’s like being hit in the face with cold water. Cold water and a realization. The realization that Steve might be doing all this to make Nancy jealous.

Eddie doesn’t know why exactly. Maybe he’s ready to go public with their relationship and he’s trying to bait Nancy into accepting. Maybe he’s getting back at her for whatever happened with Jonathan when she was still dating Steve. Maybe it’s just a weird fucking kind of foreplay.

It doesn’t matter what it is, Eddie knows he doesn’t want to be a part of it.

So he pulls his hand away from Steve’s hair, and as carefully as he can, jerks his leg free.

Steve turns his head, looking up at Eddie with big confused eyes. “You okay, Eds?”

“I, um. I need to smoke,” he lies, scrambling to his feet.

Steve looks even more confused at that. “You can do it here, you know? We literally all smell like smoke already,” he says with a chuckle.

But Eddie shakes his head. “No, I- I gotta go, sorry, Steve,” he stammers out, tripping on the log as he hastily heads back to the van.

Without stopping, he digs a cigarette and hiz Zippo from his jacket, lighting it up as he walks. He hears Steve call out for him once, twice then nothing. Eddie pretends it doesn’t hurt that he didn’t come after him but he’s got Nancy, so why would he?

“Goddammit,” Eddie curses, running his hands through his hair with a frustrated groan, lit cigarette dangling from his lips.

It falls on the ground when Eddie lets out a strangled scream as Steve materializes out of fucking nowhere.

He hurriedly snuffs it out as he tries to get his heartbeat under control. “The bonfire wasn’t enough, Harrington?” He scoffs. “Are you trying to get me to start a real fire sneaking up on me like that?”

“I didn’t sneak up. I was calling for you.”

Oh. Eddie might’ve missed that from the blood rushing through his ears. “What do you want?”

“Why are you leaving? What happened?” When Eddie doesn’t answer, Steve’s face scrunches up. “Did I do something?”

Whatever Eddie’s face does at that is answer enough and Steve’s shoulders slump. “Shit, was that too much— I’m sorry, Eddie, I thought—”

“That you could use me to make your girlfriend jealous? Yeah, well, a heads up would’ve been nice,” Eddie says bitterly.

Steve jerks his head back as if he’s been slapped. “What?”

“I’m just saying that I probably would’ve said yes if you asked. At least then I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, y’know?”

“I- I don’t know, Eddie, what are you talking about?”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie asks, “You were trying to make Nancy jealous by being all over me, yeah?”

Steve splutters. “Uh, no?”

Eddie frowns. “So what? You guys are in an open relationship or something?”

“We’re not in any kind of relationship!” Steve says, his voice loud and hysterical at this point.

“Please!” Eddie scoffs. “You two have been inseparable since she and Jonathan broke up! It’s obvious you’re back together!”

“We’re not, Eddie, we’re friends! Yeah, we’re closer than we were before but that’s just because—” he hesitates.

“Because?” Eddie prompts with an impatient hand gesture.

Steve sighs, glances over his shoulder to where Nancy and Robin are and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Oh, what the hell!” He says to himself. “We got closer because we both realized we have a crush on our best friend.”

Eddie’s nose wrinkles. “Buckley?”

“No,” Steve says, dragging a hand down his face. “Well, Nancy does. She has a crush on Robin and I hope she’s telling her right now and that she won’t care that I just outed her to you—” His eyes meet Eddie’s and they’re open, vulnerable, hopeful. “But no, I don’t have a crush on Robin, Eddie, I have a crush on you.”

Eddie blinks. Then he blinks again. Then he pinches his arm hard but the world doesn’t fade away, he doesn’t wake up, he’s not dreaming. This is happening.

“Me?” He asks in a small voice. Steve nods. “So all of that— you weren’t making Nancy jealous you were—”

“Making a move on you, yeah,” Steve admits shyly, hanging a hand from his neck.

“Oh,” he says as he recontextualizes everything that has happened in the last couple of hours— hell, in the last couple of weeks. “Oh,” he repeats. “For what it’s worth it would’ve worked. If I wasn’t, you know, an idiot.”

Steve chuckles softly. “Well, good to know.”

Eddie bites his lip and goes on, a little nervous. “Yeah, and since I’m not an idiot anymore, if you wanted to like, make another move right now, I wouldn’t storm off or yell at you or—”

Eddie’s words are cut off by Steve making his move, which consists of him cupping Eddie’s cheeks, guiding his face to his and catching Eddie’s lips in a kiss.

Eddie stands frozen only for a split second before he loops his arms over Steve’s shoulders and kisses him back, feeling a fire bigger than any bonfire they could’ve built blaze wildly in his chest.

Steve dragging his teeth across his bottom lip only fuels the fire and causes Eddie to make a punched-out groaning sound that Steve chases with his tongue, deepening the kiss in a way that makes Eddie’s knees so weak they threaten to give out.

Before they do, causing Eddie to fall on them for a third time that night, Steve slows the kiss down to a full stop, ending it by nuzzling their noses together.

“You still are by the way,” Steve says.

“Huh?”

“An idiot,” he says, kissing the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “I can’t believe you thought I’d use you to make Nancy jealous!”

Eddie groans, dropping his head on Steve’s shoulder, embarrassed. “I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

Steve wraps his arms around him, kissing his hair. “Nope.”

“Yeah, I deserve that,” he says, nuzzling Steve’s neck. He jerks his head back as he thinks of something— “Wait, if Nancy wasn’t jealous then what’s with all the scowls and the glares?”

“Oh, she was jealous. Of me. For making a move on you while all she did was share a blanket with Robin,” Steve says with a laugh.

And Eddie can’t help but giggle at how ridiculous this all is. “Should we make her jealous a little more?” He asks, grabbing Steve’s hand with a wicked grin.

Steve nods, intertwining their fingers together and letting Eddie drag him back towards the bonfire.

***

They find Robin and Nancy making out next to what’s left of the fire, wrapped up in the blanket and each other. Quietly, they make their way back to the cars, climbing into the back of Eddie’s van, kissing until the sun comes up.

[ode2rin]

it has become an awful pattern of habit how much itoshi sae always shows up at your doorstep only when he wants to. 

“don’t go out with oliver.”

and here he was again, like a recurring relapse that happens every single time you thought you’re doing better. the kind that hits when you think you're finally making progress, that momentary flicker of doing better before it all crumbles.

and you were. you’re doing good, doing better, but god, does it hurt like hell when he pulls stunts like this.

it was a relentless tug-of-war, a game he played so unfairly, leaving you with no rules, no defenses. you were damn sick of it. 

“really?” the word escaped as a scoff, a blend of disbelief and irritation coating your voice. “you're showing up to my place at this hour just to say that?” 

a drawn-out exhale left sae's lips at your reaction, the scent of alcohol accompanying it—a scent foreign to the sae you'd known. was he drinking? itoshi sae doesn’t drink – or at least the sae you knew would never let a single drop of alcohol taint his flesh. 

“just don’t. he’ll hurt you.”

a bitter laugh escaped you, “you're one to talk about hurting people, aren't you?”

if you didn't know better, you'd mistake the look he shot you for something resembling an apology mixed with regret. but no, you knew that those eyes can never hold such, not for you, not for anyone.

“news flash, itoshi. you don’t have the right to decide who i can or cannot go out with.” 

“don’t i?” 

his challenge lingered in the air, a question not constrained by words but driven by conflicting wills, a daring meeting of gazes that had been evaded until now.

you're so fucking unfair, itoshi sae.

“leave,” you spat, your grip on the doorknob tightened, fingers almost digging into the cool metal. 

“don’t i, y/n? do i not have a right to you?”

“please, sae. just go,” you murmured, eyes squeezed shut, a trace of tears threatening to break free.

“— because you have all damn rights to me that it fucking terrifies me.” 

and there it was.

the vulnerability he so fiercely and stubbornly concealed, laid bare for you to witness. it slipped out like an admission, raw and unguarded.

sae's insides churned as your gaze bore into him, the intensity of it feeling like a searing heat that left him exposed, his thoughts laid bare. it was as if you were looking at him as if he had grown a second head, an incredulity mirrored in his own disbelief at what he had just blurted.

but it’s the truth, a truth etched not in alcohol-induced haze but in the sobering clarity that you, ever loving you, terrified him. 

“you– you terrify me," his words stumbled out, like he was admitting a secret he never meant to reveal. “you’re the first thought that comes to my mind, and the last one before i sleep. i feel you everywhere, your presence, your absence — it terrifies me, y/n.” 

he ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration that echoed the inner chaos he couldn't quite contain. the sting of alcohol just added to the jumble of thoughts, like mixing a cocktail of emotions he wasn't prepared to deal with. 

sae had never been great with handling drinks, and here he was, wearing his heart on his sleeve, a little more vulnerable than he’d intended. 

after all, a body so foreign to alcohol can only handle so much.

and it's ironic how that also applies to sae's acceptance of your love – like a liquor he's not used to, but still very much would like a taste.

he knew he had absolutely no right to show up here; he had no right to stop you from going out with another man; he had no right to claim a part of you, not after he shattered your heart because he was afraid of his own.

he knew that, but itoshi sae is selfish. he wanted you, terrifyingly so. he hoped — prayed, even—no one will ever have you the same way he does. 

and he meant that in the most selfish way possible. because, time and time again, itoshi sae was selfish, even more so when it came to loving you.

“it terrifies me,” he carried on, a touch firmer this time, his gaze unyielding as it held yours, “how much you consume me, and it frightens me even more how much i would let you.”

“then just let me, you stupid asshole.” 

the words burst out of you, a declaration that felt like a leap of faith. your arms instinctively reached out, embracing him as if to underscore your determination. you had caught his confession like a lifeline, and now it was your turn to throw your heart into the mix.

“and you have all the damn rights to me too,” you murmured against his lips.

the truth is, he doesn't deserve you, not in the slightest. but god, you want him to— so bad. and after hearing what he said, you knew he wanted the same thing too.

you wrap your arms tighter around him, and it's like fitting together two missing pieces. you missed this, missed him. no amount of trying will ever relieve the longing. because truth be told, hearts aren't great at playing hide and seek; that much can be seen from the way you’re both holding on to each other.

“i'll love you slowly, until it's not scary, until you get used to it,” you whispered, forehead pressed against his.

in the quiet space between your whispered words, sae felt the world shift beneath his feet. 

love with you wasn't meant to be frightening. love with you wasn't meant to be all-consuming.

love with you, he realized, only needed to be exactly like this— your fingers against his nape, a smile curving your lips, and the assurance in your gaze that promised better times ahead.

“i’ll get used to it.” maybe the words came off wobbly, but he couldn’t care any less now; it was a promise.

“you better.” you let out a chuckle, genuine this time, and it took just one chuckle for sae to realize that everything will be just fine. 

[extra]:

“sae?”

you pull his attention, sensing his wakefulness from the lingering kisses he peppers on your skin. the same man who laid bare his heart to you was sprawled within your sheets, his breathing gentle against your neck.

though his lips stay sealed, the comforting squeeze of your hand relays that he was listening.

“where did you hear that i’m going out with oliver?”

a brief pause, followed by a scoff. way to ruin a moment, sae’s inner voice grumbles at the timing of your question. why bring up another guy's name now, especially when he's shirtless and right above you? the nerve.

“doesn’t matter.” he dismisses your question. 

yet, there's something oddly satisfying about riling up the usually composed sae, it’s one of your life’s greatest pleasures. and so, you press on, unable to resist the urge to tease. 

“come on, now. i want to know what made my cold and grumpy sae to show up at my door at 2 am, professing that i terrify him,” you pushed, meeting his irritated glare with an arched brow. “— and don’t give me that look. those were your words, not mine!”

tch. he clicks his tongue, fully aware you won't let him live down his confession. “got it from shidou. he told me right before asking me to drink with him.”

as those words escape sae’s lips, you burst into laughter, leaving him to wonder if he broke you with last night's late-night affection.

“what’s so funny?” he raises an eyebrow at your sudden outburst.

“shidou tricked you into drinking with him, love. i turned down oliver without a second thought. we didn't even get close to going on a date,” you playfully reveal, your grin growing. “i kind of mentioned that to shidou. we share gossip occasionally, you know.”

sae froze at what you said, and he didn’t need no damn mirror to see that he was turning red from the embarrassment and realization that he had been lured to drink.

“i’ll kill him.”

“and i’ll thank him.” may shidou get all the dopamine he so cunningly desires. 

note. i also don't know what this is so don't look at me now :P i'm throwing tomatoes at myself

[almostfoxglove]

have Javier and reader ever talked about his relations when he was in Columbia? them being best friends and all. did she laugh it off? did she understand? I'm curious ☺️

HI SWEETHEART this made my day when I got it. I'm so sorry it took a while to answer but I hope you don't mind that I got a little carried away with this one... everything's weird and bad right now so I'm gonna post this and try to get some sleep - I hope you're taking care of yourself <3 thank you soso much for sending this ask, seriously it means the world. ily!! here's some tenderness for you.

javier confesses about colombia

an I'LL CARRY YOU drabble

Explicit (18+) | Javier Peña x f!reader | drabble 1.1k words CW: Allusion to canon-typical violence & trauma and two idiots being sickeningly in love.

You never push back on anything but his blame. 

headcanons and full drabble below the cut!

in ICY, javi leaves to colombia (the first time) at twenty-eight (seen in part II). between that moment and when he returns aged thirty-six (seen in part I), they have no contact because her phone number changes, so when he calls her right after leaving (seen in dark heart), he thinks she's icing him out for good. *sobs gently*

we know he disappears again at the end of part I and doesn't return until he comes home for good at the end of part II. between those two meetings, they also have no contact - so his girl doesn't hear a thing about colombia (and by extension, all his sexual escapades), though she follows the news.

in the year after his return (all of part III) I don't think much of what happened down there comes up. javi's traumatized, still acclimating to civilian life while his girl's engaged *sobs harder*, and I imagine he's scared to admit his role in all the death and violence. if / when she asks, I think he keeps it pretty vague and chooses not to talk about the women he was involved with (they aren't together yet, after all)

POST-FINALE HOWEVER, javi tells her pretty much everything in little chunks at a time, including about all the women he slept with and what he knows of what became of them (I imagine the helena story is an especially tearful / difficult retelling, but it's important to him that she knows the truth). he's pretty terrified it'll scare her off, but I think we know her better than that.

here's a peek at what I imagine part of that conversation looked like <3

It’s the middle of the night and he’s not yet buying it, still has that little wrinkle above his nose that folds when he scowls cutting deep into his brow. Propped against the wall in his little twin bed, when you insist Javier’s dark eyes dodge yours and fall to the hands that knot themselves in his lap, anxious. But anxious is fine—just means he’s talking. Cutting off slabs of those missing years like meat from a bone for you to carry.

You’re grateful to be given anything at all. You know how deep trust like this really goes, unseen but branching. Mycelium underground. 

You never push back on anything but his blame. 

“Baby,” you say softly, and his jaw ticks as the word melts him a touch. 

His chin might flicker briefly like his body longs to cry, but if it does he wrestles it back before meeting you with dark, helpless eyes. “You don’t know,” he says, no cruelty in it. His voice not much more solid than a whisper and slaughtered red by guilt.

“Know you though,” you say.

The sigh that cuts out of him could shatter you. Javier turns to stretch out length-wise on the bed, his socked feet hanging off the end. You moved in weeks ago but haven’t gotten around to upgrading to a bigger mattress and part of you believes—though you’d never say it—that he’s waiting to get through all this first. Like the hurt of him needs to be here to do it: in the bed where you both once were small, held. So you allow it, take turns groaning in the daylight hours about your backs and hips and necks, and at night you hold each other ‘cause you have to, to fit in this little thing. Not that you wouldn’t, anyway. Not that either of you know how to sleep without the weight of the other’s body anymore. 

You always did sleep best beside him.

When he’s settled, you slip down to lie against him, propped up on one elbow with your torso folded over his and one arm draped across his hips. Javier sighs, pleased by the weight of you, and closes his eyes. 

“Was different there,” he says, after a long moment. “M’different now.” 

Outside the crickets are rioting again, ribbiting their threaded symphony. You push the hair back from his face—more pewter than ever but so familiar in its waves and curls—and watch the twitching of his face, all the microscopic ways he wrestles with some unnamed memory. 

You give him his time. All this patient, open air until he swallows and starts to say, “Didn’t do right—” 

It isn’t that his voice cracks, just that it stops all at once like someone’s lifted the needle off a record. Though you don’t know precisely what he’s trying to say, you sense its jagged outline. Can feel the memory slicing him anytime he speaks. Below you, Javier clears his throat. “Didn’t do right by them.”

Deep breath, then you push.

“Did you hurt them,” you ask, your voice quiet but solid, firm.

Though his brows fold low, his eyes stay closed. Swallows again. “No,” he says.

“Did you touch them without their consent,” you go on. “Do anything they didn’t want.”

“No,” Javier replies.

“Were you cruel?”

He shifts, uneasy. Mutters back a weak and whispered, “No.” Sometimes he has trouble with this one and stumbles over the answer, but tonight he’s got it right.

You know all this, of course. You’re not asking for you because you already know the answers—know him, whether he wants to admit it right now or not. Doesn’t matter that he’s different now; so are you. So is everybody. Tragedy doesn’t let a goddamn thing stay the same. And while you’ve always known you’ll never see nor fathom the whole, vicious picture—what living down there through years of violence laid ghost and seed beneath his skin—there’s not a bone in your body that believes him malicious. 

At first he worried, but you don’t care about the bodies he lost himself in. All the women he held and had. Sort of surprised you too, but you didn’t learn of them until after you’d found each other again, for good this time, and so what was there to be afraid of? That there’d been, in the worst of his agony, warm hands and welcome bodies? 

No, you don’t care. Doesn’t matter the number. 

You’re glad that at least for small, clustered minutes, he wasn’t always alone.

“Did you try?” you ask. This is the big one, the one you know hurts most for him to hear. “To help them.”

In the turquoise cover of early night, Javier’s face crumples in. Forehead canyoned by lines, his eyes swallowed by miserable, crinkled Vs. You see no glossy tears slip loose but they must be in there, hidden under his lashes when for so long he holds his breath like he can’t trust his own lungs or own mind. While you wait, you lay one palm in the center of his chest and the shimmer of moonlight winks off your hand, reflected in the flat face of a garnet, making silver of red and pearl. It feels, for the moment it’s bright, a little like having his mother back. Like you can feel her in the room, holding him with you.

Javier’s heart hammers beneath your touch, then his hand bolts up to cover yours as if to keep you there. As if you’d ever pull away. “I—”

You press down gently, give him your warmth, your weight, and his hand tightens in kind.

“I wanted to,” he croaks.

“Did you try?”

And it breaks him, chokes him. One wet sound punches out of his chest but he’s tough, soft bits and all. Something in him’s always just known how to hold on. How to take it, for better or worse. But it’s for the better here, you’re certain. Because he won’t survive believing himself evil—you see that clearly, illuminated like a streetlamp casting gold over a night-dark road. If he doesn’t see that he tried, doesn’t let himself feel it, one of these days the guilt will kill him.

It’s just the one ragged breath, then he pebbles apart perfectly still. Steady, you leaden your weight on his sternum, press down a little harder, and Javier grips your hand with greater need. All his warring goes on quietly, invisible in all but his head.

“M’right here,” you tell him gently.

He nods, his eyes still shut. His breaths slow and agonizing.

“Right here,” you say.

Together you wait for the spell to pass, for the storm to clear, until finally the clouds part over him and he sucks one longer, deeper breath, dragging all the room’s air into his lungs. There it is, there he is, solidifying under your palm. Seaming back together, stained glass made new. 

“I tried,” Javier breathes.

His face unfurls and the deep lines once carved with a knife fall smooth. The wrinkles stay of course, all the evidence of his life, but they’re softer now. You trace the crows feet at the corner of his eyes with your thumb and find his skin hot and damp. 

“I know you did, baby,” you whisper to him. “You tried.”

Suddenly his arms fly up and crush you to his chest—so startled, you yelp and can’t help but chuckle as his grip tightens and tightens. You let him squeeze you, your arms trapped under his, and hum softly when you feel his nose against your hair. Carefully he inhales, then slow he exhales: something he’s picked up in his sessions, attended twice a month. Which is how you know that although he’s fallen silent, he’s busy in his mind reminding himself of frivolities. All the tiny bits he must have missed in those long, distant years he spent away from you, believing you hated him. 

You imagine cut grass and July sunshine, beer bottles ice cold on the porch with his pop,

and rolling cigarettes in the bed of the pickup at sixteen, laughing at the sour clouds choking out of you when you couldn’t hold your smoke,

and birthday parties,

and your hand, at every age, in his.

He knows better now, that you never hated him and never could. Knows too that you’ve loved him all the years he’s loved you and will all the years you have left.

Eventually you feel the air shift as he comes home into his body. With his chest smushed tight against the shell of your ear, you’re half asleep, adrift in the deep throb of his pulse. You feel his mustache, the graze of his lips, and the quiet murmur of his voice calling you another name. New, these last weeks. It still surprises you, the sweetness of mi amor on his tongue, in his mouth.

“Get some sleep,” Javier murmurs as his arms go slack around you without pulling away.

“Only if you do,” you mumble in reply, eyes feathering open just long enough to catch the last of the sky’s deep blue. Then they’re closed again. Everything is warm and black.

“M’right behind you,” he says, and soon you’re both asleep.

dividers by @saradika-graphics <3 tag list below!

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@myownwholewildworld @sunnytuliptime @indiegirlunited @anoverwhelmingdin @pedrospatch

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@whiskeyneat-coffeeblack @missladym1981 @ro-nahime-things @helenanell

[abla-soso]

I keep seeing people describing Aemond's interaction with Aegon as "sadism" but I don't see it at all.

There was no hint of glee or triumph in Aemond's face, body language, voice, or the words he spoke.

What I saw was deep anger and a bit of caution.

He doesn't want Aegon to tell the truth to anyone, so he's willing to lord his power over him to keep him silent.

But mostly he's just boiling with anger.

"You challenged Meleys...it was foolish", preceded by Aemond pushing into Aegon's wounds as a punishment. He wants to drive the point home that he is SO pissed and disappointed in Aegon for "making" him do this.

Enjoying his new position of power seems to pale in comparison to this anger.

He doesn't regret burning and crippling Aegon because he convinced himself that it was a necessary sacrifice (to save Aegon from certain death and to win the battle), but he hates the fact that Aegon's foolish recklessness "forced" his hand.

Aemond sees himself as his family's protector. He believes he's the only one in his family properly equipped to keep them all alive and he's just sort of mitigating whatever losses he thinks are unavoidable. This self-image would shatter if he allowed himself to admit he has utterly ruined his brother for petty revenge. If he allowed himself to feel sad or guilty over what he did to his own brother. So he copes with the only way he knows how: by bottling up the "weak" emotions (guilt, regret, pain, grief, self-doubt) and turning them into righteous anger.

The same anger that compelled him to avenge his wounded pride against Aegon at Rook's Rest is the same anger that allowed him to escape guilt and sadness and put the blame entirely on Aegon. And then he punishes Aegon again because otherwise he might punish himself.

He's a very dangerous character because his severe self-denial makes him unaware of his deeper motivations, and when he's aware of them he excels at rationalizing and justifying them to maintain his desired self-image.

Deep down, I think he can feel the self-deception. It's part of the reason why he needs Aegon to stay quiet and why he feels compelled to pet his head and kiss him gently as a "reward" for playing along and helping him cope with what he did to him. An unconscious part of him sees Aegon's compliance as a form of absolution and he's thankful for it. The kiss is part manipulation and part genuine display of comfort and gratitude. This is why he leaves the council ball in Aegon's hand. His indirect way of saying; "You never wanted this, and when you tried you ruined yourself. Just rest now and let me take care of everything".

He hurts and then mends his brother's wounds, and it's so symbolic of the way he feels for him. It's hate, envy, anger, spite, love, protectiveness, possession, duty, and sacrifice.

It's easier for him to express his twisted affection for Aegon now that he's broken enough to be his clear and undoubted "inferior".

[ssa-dado]

17 - My Decline

Aaron Hotchner x fem!bau!reader Genre: slow burn, fluff, platonic only for the two of them Summary: You return to the BAU after receiving a call from Erin Strauss, informing you of Hotch's suspension and offering you the role of Unit Chief for two weeks. Despite your initial hesitation, you accept. Visiting Aaron Hotchner later, you share a heartfelt conversation, reflecting on your past, and the complexity of balancing personal life and work. As your first case unfolds, you call him after a long night, easing the tension with humor and familiarity. Warnings: Grief, abuse of power, blackmail, Strauss being Strauss Word Count: 9.8k - my fault - I love when they tease each other Dado's Corner: Thank you for sticking with me through that last chapter! Initially, I’d planned to cover the events of 3x2 as well, but as I wrote, I realized that would mean adding another 15k words. I already have a cute scene written where Y/N interacts with the team as Unit Chief on their first case. Would you be interested in reading that in the next chapter, or are you happy with the temporary version of Y/N as Unit Chief with the final scene I included in this part? My inbox, DMs, and comments are open for your thoughts!

masterlist

Every time you returned to Riverhead, it was as though the town held its breath, waiting to pull you back into shadows you had tried so hard to leave behind. Work seemed to find you here with an unyielding persistence, like a ghostly echo refusing to fade.

You’d joke about it sometimes, saying it was your father’s ghost that stirred things up. It was easier to pin it on him than to admit the truth: that you still had never truly left your work behind, not fully.

And perhaps, in some way, he hadn’t either. He’d been a man devoted to his work, and maybe, in the quiet corners of this town, traces of that dedication lingered, like invisible threads stretching from one part of your life to another, reeling you back in whenever you drifted too far.

Today, though, you had hoped for silence, a chance to let the quiet wash over you, to absorb the memories without interruption, like a sponge soaking up all the forgotten echoes of the past. Today, you wanted to sit with the pain, to breathe it in, to feel every bit of it as a way of holding onto something long gone.

Walking in the cemetery felt like slipping back in time, as though you were stepping into a version of yourself you barely recognized. The years had dulled some things but never fully erased them; grief had etched itself into your bones, a quiet companion you’d come to carry with you everywhere.

Grief, in its own way, had become a fragile thread tying you to the memories you didn’t want to lose. Sometimes, you even found yourself grateful for the pain - it was a reminder, the only way of still keeping him close. It was the proof that he had once been here, that his absence now carried meaning.

Just then, your phone buzzed, a shrill interruption that broke through the delicate quiet you’d wrapped around yourself, shattering the stillness you had hoped to preserve.

Of course. The irony wasn’t lost on you.

“Agent Y/L/N?” The voice on the other end was cool and composed, edged with authority. “This is Erin Strauss, Section Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I believe you’re familiar with me.”

You took a steadying breath, straightening your posture instinctively, though the name on the other end of the line tightened something inside you that you had been trying to keep buried. “Yes, Agent Strauss,” you replied, keeping your tone polite, neutral, though the tension was harder to mask than you’d hoped. “It’s a pleasure to finally speak with you.”

But the truth was, the only reason you knew of Erin Strauss was because of the last person you wanted to think of here, in this place where memory was still raw and sacred.

His name rose, unbidden, lingering at the edges of your thoughts like a half-remembered melody.

“Likewise,” she replied, her voice a cold, clinical blade, slicing through the air. There was no pretense of warmth, no room for pleasantries. “I’ll get straight to the point. I trust you’re aware that Agent Hotchner has been suspended pending further investigation into his conduct.”

Agent Hotchner.

Suspended.

The silence that followed was thick, heavy, as if the air itself had turned to lead, pressing down on you. You wanted to ask what had happened, to reach out and tear the answers from her, but you stopped yourself, knew you had no right to know.

Not anymore.

You pressed your fingers to the bridge of your nose, fighting for composure, feeling that old, raw fury clawing its way to the surface. How was it that he could still do this to you? How could he, after all these months, still find his way into the cracks of your life, seeping through like some lingering ghost that refused to be exorcised?

You had thought - foolishly, naively - that you’d finally carved out a life beyond his reach, a place where he could no longer haunt you. And yet here he was, even now, his presence clinging to you, seeping back into your world as if he had never left, pulling you back into a storm you had fought so hard to leave behind.

“I wasn’t aware of it. Not at all,” you replied, keeping your tone even, a carefully crafted mask of neutrality.

But there it was, that flicker of concern, betraying you in ways you thought you’d buried. Even over the line, you could sense Strauss dissecting it, reading into the silence, filing it away as if she could pull apart your thoughts by their lingering echoes.

“Well, he has,” Strauss continued, her voice precise and clinical “Which brings me to the reason I’m calling. I’m offering you the position of Unit Chief for the next two weeks during Agent Hotchner’s suspension. Your experience in behavioral analysis, particularly your work across Europe, has been… noteworthy. I’m sure your unique perspective will be useful to the team during this transitional period.”

There was no warmth in her tone, no real admiration behind the compliment. It was as if she were reciting a list of credentials from a file, rehearsed and impersonal, a courtesy she barely found necessary.

“You’ve clearly kept your skills sharp,” Strauss went on, her voice smooth but with an undercurrent that hinted at a carefully concealed disdain. “Your approach to teaching behavioral analysis is, admittedly, unconventional, but I can appreciate the results. And, of course, I already have proof that you’re capable of handling this role. Your assistance on that active case a few months ago was… impressive, given the circumstances.”

Her voice took on a faint edge, an almost imperceptible shift in tone. “Yes, your input was quite thorough, handling an active case remotely while simultaneously using it as material in your class. Creative, to say the least. Though I imagine that level of multitasking might have had something to do with the procedural lapses that Agent Hotchner is now being scrutinized for.” She let the words linger, a barely disguised dig cloaked in the form of praise.

A surge of guilt twisted in your chest, the memory of that case coming back with a painful clarity. You’d offered to take on the paperwork, had insisted on it, hoping to shield Aaron from the potential fallout.

But of course, he hadn’t let you.

Always so determined to take the brunt, even when he hadn’t put a foot wrong, as if it was some kind of penance he couldn’t quite absolve himself from - he always did that.

Always insisting on being the shield for his team, stepping in to shoulder the blame even when the choices hadn’t been his. It was as though he’d internalized everyone else’s missteps, using them as a way to reinforce some twisted version of leadership, one that blurred the line between loyalty and martyrdom. You’d wanted him to let you handle it, to let you bear the consequences of your own decisions, but he had blocked you at every turn, unwilling to cede even a fraction of control.

Strauss continued, her voice almost syrupy, a layer of falseness woven into her words. “Your ability to work under pressure is something I can certainly appreciate, and I imagine your insight could be… helpful, given the current state of the BAU. This is an opportunity for you to step into a role that aligns perfectly with the skill set you’ve cultivated over the years. After all, that case demonstrated a particular tenacity I’m sure will be invaluable to the team in Agent Hotchner’s absence.”

It was a backhanded compliment, laced with subtle reminders of the position she held over both of you, a demonstration of her power to pull strings and twist the narrative to suit her ends.

She was offering you the role, but not out of genuine respect for your abilities. No, it was simply another move in the game she was playing, a way to manipulate and control the situation, to remind you - and perhaps more importantly, Aaron - that she held the reins, that she could dangle your career, your reputation, like a puppet on a string.

You could feel the trap closing, the subtle manipulation laced within her words. “Agent Strauss, I appreciate the offer,” you replied, choosing a measured tone, “I’m not sure I’m the right fit for the role, especially given that I’ve been out of the field for quite some time. I left the BAU to focus on teaching, as you know. I’m committed to that position now.”

Strauss let out a small, humorless laugh. “That’s precisely why this opportunity is so valuable,” she said, her voice softening with a feigned empathy. “It allows you to step back into the role temporarily, to reconnect with the work you once dedicated yourself to. After all, you spent three years working side by side with Agent Hotchner - 1998 to 2001, wasn’t it? You were twenty-one when you joined. Such dedication at a young age.”

Strauss's words were carefully chosen, her quiet, almost predatory curiosity about your connection with Aaron cutting deeper than you’d expected. It was as though she was testing the boundaries, probing to see how far she could push, each glance sharpened with intention. Her gaze lingered, calculating, always one step ahead, watching every flicker of your reaction, waiting to see what she could draw out and use against you.

“Yes, that’s correct,” you replied cautiously, forcing yourself to keep your tone steady. “We worked together closely during that time.”

“And more closely than most, from what I understand,” Strauss continued, the hint of amusement in her voice unmistakable. “You were quite the team, both in and out of the office. But I find it curious - since you two were such… close friends, I would have expected you to check in on him after all this time. Nearly a year without any contact, if I’m not mistaken? Exactly since that case you had assisted on”

The words hit you like a cold shock, igniting a wave of disgust that you could barely contain. It wasn’t just the invasion of privacy, it was the realization that she had stooped to such unethical tactics. The complete disregard for boundaries, the way she sifted through your personal history as if it were nothing more than a tool for manipulation, made your stomach twist. Your grip tightened around the phone, fingers trembling slightly as you forced yourself to maintain a calm facade, the resentment simmering just below the surface.

“Agent Strauss,” you began, letting a hint of disappointment seep into your voice, as though you were quietly dismayed that she would resort to such tactics. “I’m not entirely sure what you’re implying,” you continued, your tone sharp, “but if you’re asking me to take this position, I’ll need the terms in writing. That is protocol, after all, isn’t it?” You paused just long enough for the question to linger, then pressed on, unwavering. “I expect the details of my transfer and my return to the academy to be formally documented, and I want confirmation that my role at the BAU will be temporary - two weeks, no more, no less.”

A silence stretched between you, taut and heavy, and you could almost feel Strauss weighing your response. Finally, she spoke, her tone hardening. “You’re in no position to negotiate, Agent Y/L/N. This isn’t an offer, it’s an assignment. However, I’ll ensure that the necessary paperwork is sent to you. But let me be perfectly clear, if you’re thinking of refusing, you’d do well to remember that Agent Hotchner’s conduct is under investigation. The future of the BAU depends on a leader who follows the rules.”

Taking a steadying breath, you kept your tone cool, sharp, refusing to let her see the turmoil beneath the surface. “And I’d remind you, Agent Strauss, that if Agent Hotchner’s conduct is under investigation for not following protocol, then my transfer should be treated with the same level of rigor. I expect everything in writing - documented, as per procedure - before I set foot in the BAU. If you’re going to ask me to take on this role, then we’ll do so by the book.”

“Very well,” Strauss replied after a pause, her voice clipped, devoid of any warmth. “You’ll receive the documentation by the end of the day. I trust you’ll be prepared to begin on Monday.” Her words were a sharp dismissal, and before you could respond, the call ended abruptly, leaving you standing there in the cold, the silence almost jarring after her precise, clinical tone.

You turned back to your father’s grave, inhaling deeply, trying to ground yourself in the familiar stillness of this place. For a moment, you let the tension drain away, focusing instead on the steady rhythm of your breath, allowing a semblance of peace to return.

You cast a wry smile at the gravestone, brushing a leaf off its weathered surface. “Why don’t you ever send me calls from people who want to give me a pay raise?” you asked softly, almost imagining his laughter in response. “It’s still related to work, isn’t it?” You chuckled, the sound hollow, an echo lost in the quiet cemetery.

You had hoped, just this once, for a reprieve. Some distance, however brief, from the ghosts of your past life. But once again, work found you here, relentlessly shadowing you as if you’d never truly left it behind.

As you cleared away the dried flowers, a glint of something unusual caught your eye, half-buried in the vase at the base of the grave. Curious, you reached down, brushing off the dust until your fingers closed around a small, familiar object. The shape, the intricate details etched into the tiny replica—it took only a moment for you to recognize it.

The Guggenheim Museum.

You knew, without a doubt, who had placed it here.

Aaron.

A wave of emotion washed over you, and you felt a knot tighten in your throat, the weight of unspoken memories pressing down. He’d never mentioned it, never let on that he came here. But this small, quiet gesture, left behind in honor of your father, told you more than words ever could.

Eight years had passed, yet here it was - a piece of your history together.

Standing here now, holding that miniature Guggenheim, the memories rose up like a wave, crashing over you with a force that left you breathless. You’d spent months convincing yourself that you’d moved on, that you’d left him behind, that the distance you’d put between yourself and those memories was enough to protect you. But the ache was still there, raw and present, an undeniable reminder of what you’d shared.

You drew a shaky breath, closing your eyes as a single tear slipped down your cheek. You hadn’t realized, until now, just how much you had missed him - missed this, the quiet way you understood each other, even in silence.

And as you stood here, you felt something shift, a sense of clarity settling over you like the first light of dawn.

Perhaps it wasn’t the work itself that kept finding you every time you returned to Riverhead, but something else entirely - a reminder of the people who had mattered most, a call to reconcile the pieces of your life that you had so carefully separated.

You didn’t just want Aaron back in your life.

You needed him.

---

Standing outside Aaron’s door, you felt your stomach twist with nervous energy, a knot of tension growing tighter with each passing second. It had taken you over half an hour of pacing through his neighborhood, rehearsing what you would say, before you finally summoned the courage to knock.

You hadn’t called ahead. You hadn’t given him - or anyone - any warning of your visit. The thought of Strauss or someone else tracking the call, or even knowing about this meeting, felt too invasive. This needed to stay between you and Aaron.

The last time you had spoken, everything had fallen apart, like the carefully laid foundations of something important crumbling under the weight of words left unspoken for too long. But today, you needed to clear the air, no matter how painful it might be.

The door opened, and there he was.

Aaron’s eyes widened in brief surprise, his expression quickly shifting into something familiar, something that made your heart ache. You noticed immediately: his hair was cut shorter than usual, almost military in its precision, making him look even more distant. His demeanor was as calm as ever, but there was something about his appearance that hinted at the toll these past weeks had taken on him.

Without a word, he stepped aside, his gesture inviting you in with a quiet familiarity that felt both comforting and strangely tense. You brushed past him, acutely aware of the brief closeness, and the soft click of the door closing seemed almost jarring in the silence that followed. The weight of Strauss’s demands hung between you like an uninvited specter, casting a shadow over the space as you both stood there, each waiting for the other to break the silence.

The tension lingered in the space between you, an almost tangible weight pressing down on each moment of silence. Months had stretched out between you since you’d last stood like this, face to face, and with every glance, every slight shift, you could feel the weight of all the unsaid words hanging in the air. Aaron seemed to feel it too, the way his stance was just a little too stiff, his posture as guarded as his gaze, flickering between anticipation and a quiet wariness, like he was bracing for the inevitable.

“I was about to call you,” Aaron said, his voice cutting through the silence. He didn’t waste time on small talk, didn’t ask why you were here. He simply turned toward the kitchen, reaching for the coffee pot. His movements were fluid, practiced, like this was something you had done a hundred times before.

You watched him for a moment, noticing how the shorter cut of his hair emphasized the sharp angles of his face and the intensity of his gaze. The look suited him in some ways, but there was something about it that felt deliberate - an attempt to regain control, to impose order on his life, especially now that the one thing that had always grounded him had been taken away.

A part of you couldn’t help but miss the way his hair used to fall loosely over his forehead, softer and more human, a subtle reminder of the man who existed outside of his role at the BAU. That version of Aaron – your best friend - seemed farther away now, replaced by someone more rigid, more distanced. He looked like a soldier who had been stripped of his command, and the realization twisted something deep inside you.

You knew he’d been telling people he was grateful for the time with Haley and Jack, and you didn’t doubt that he was. But there was a hollowness in his eyes, a quiet exhaustion that revealed the toll this suspension was taking on him. Without the job, without the structure and purpose that had defined him for so long, he seemed lost, adrift.

You couldn’t help but feel a surge of sympathy for him: this man who had poured so much of himself into his work, only to find himself unmoored, stripped of the very thing that had kept him grounded.

Aaron poured two cups, sliding one across the counter toward you, and for a moment, his eyes met yours, holding your gaze. There was something so automatic about it, as though he remembered the rhythm you used to share and couldn’t help but fall back into it. You wrapped your hands around the warm cup, letting the heat seep into your fingers as you searched for the right words, feeling a sudden need to clarify, to explain.

“I didn’t know you’d heard already,” you murmured, feeling a bit vulnerable, holding the cup like it was an anchor. “Strauss didn’t exactly give me much of a choice.”

He nodded, leaning back against the counter as he studied you, his eyes sharp but gentle. “Garcia mentioned the transfer papers Strauss put in. She told me you’d be taking over for a couple of weeks,” he said, his tone even, measured. “I figured it wasn’t something you’d decided on your own.”

You took a steadying breath, your gaze dropping to the coffee, swirling the liquid in small circles as you spoke. “I need you to know that I never wanted this,” you said, feeling the need to rush through the words, to get them out. “I didn’t ask for this job. I never wanted to take over, not like this. The last thing I want is for you to think I’m some kind of… hypocrite. I said no before, and now here I am, back where I didn’t even want to be.”

Aaron’s eyes softened, and he set his coffee down on the counter, stepping closer, his posture relaxed but attentive. “You don’t have to explain,” he said gently, his voice steady but kind. “I know this wasn’t your choice. Strauss is playing her games, and you’re just caught in the middle.” He paused, his expression softening as he added, “And I never thought you were a hypocrite. I get it," he said, his voice filled with understanding. "Peter wants you to have a life that allows you to be home, to have stability. I understand that more than you know."

He paused, his eyes searching yours, and for a moment, you could see past the exhaustion, past the weight of everything he had been carrying. There was compassion there, a deep empathy that caught you off guard. “You were trying to build something stable, something you could control. That’s not wrong. But Strauss... she doesn’t leave much room for other people’s choices.”

You let out a shaky breath, there was something so grounding in his words, like he could see past everything you were struggling to say, like he understood it all without you needing to explain.

He hesitated, weighing his words carefully before continuing, his tone soft but sure. “I know you didn’t want this job. I know you didn’t ask for it. But, Y/N, you’re more ready for it than you realize.”

 “Aaron, I haven’t been in the field for seven years.” your voice barely above a whisper. “The team… they respect you, Aaron. I’ve seen it. They trust you in a way I don’t think I can live up to.”

His eyes met yours, warm and steady, a quiet assurance radiating from him as he took a step closer. “You’ve been leading for years, Y/N,” he said, his voice steady and comforting. “Just in a different way. I’ve seen your students around you, the way they look up to you. This isn’t that different. You have that same ability, and they’ll see it, just like your students have.” He paused, and the intensity in his gaze deepened, a softness to his expression that made your heart ache. “They’ll trust you because you’ve earned it, Y/N. You’ve always been a natural leader. You’re stronger than you think.”

You felt a flicker of doubt, but his words gave you something to hold onto, a thread of belief that, maybe, you could do this. You gave a small, tentative smile, your voice barely audible. “I hope you’re right, Aaron.”

He held your gaze for a long moment, a warmth in his eyes you hadn’t seen in ages. Then, with a small smile, he softened, almost teasingly, “I’m always right, you know.” But the lightness in his tone faded, replaced by something deeper, more vulnerable. “And I know you’ll do this well. Better than anyone else could. I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t believe it.”

Aaron paused, his expression turning wistful. “You were there for me when I needed someone to remind me of who I was. You’ve done that for everyone around you, always giving so much of yourself. That’s why I trust you with this. I trust you to lead them. Because I know that no matter what, you’ll always find a way to lift people up when they need it most. You did that for me more times than I can count, and you’re going to do it for them.”

A lump formed in your throat, emotion thickening your voice as you replied, “Thank you, Aaron.” The words felt inadequate, a mere echo of the gratitude swelling inside you, but they were all you could manage. Still, the enormity of the role - of stepping into his shoes, even temporarily - was almost overwhelming. The silence between you thickened as you gathered the courage to say the next thing weighing heavily on your mind.

Although his eyes flicked down briefly to your left hand, noticing what wasn’t there. The engagement ring. You saw his gaze, the way he hesitated, the slight furrow of his brow as he registered the absence of the ring. But he didn’t ask. He didn’t push. You noticed, tucking your hand into your lap with a quiet smile.

“You were right about the ring,” you said softly. “It was uncomfortable. So now… I wear it as a necklace.” You pulled the delicate chain from under your collar, the engagement ring hanging there like an afterthought, catching the light. His eyes lingered on it, the slightest tension in his jaw, but he nodded, a silent acknowledgment of what he’d told you all those months ago.

He looked back up, meeting your gaze with a hint of vulnerability you hadn’t seen in years. His voice was gentle when he spoke. “I’m sorry, you know. For everything that happened that night. I shouldn’t have pushed you the way I did. I just…” He trailed off, searching for the right words. “I didn’t know how else to say it.”

You offered him a sad smile. “I’m sorry, too. You were right about a lot of things. I just… wasn’t ready to accept them back then.” You sighed, the weight of your words settling between you. “I shouldn’t have let you walk away like that. Not without trying to make things right.”

He looked at you, his own smile mirroring yours, touched with a sadness that spoke of all the unspoken moments between you. “How did Peter take it?” he asked, his voice gentle, carefully treading into territory he knew was delicate.

You sighed, feeling the tension knotting in your chest again. “Not well,” you admitted, your voice quiet, strained. “We argued… a lot. He wants stability, a family, and I tried to explain that going back to the BAU was only temporary, that it was just for two weeks. But then he just - he snapped. He said I didn’t love him, that I’d never done enough to build a life with him. He’s never been like that before, Aaron. I’ve never seen that side of him.”

Your voice wavered as you continued, the pain of the argument spilling out. “I don’t know how he still doesn’t see everything I’ve given up for him. I left Europe, I left the life I was just starting to love because I thought it was what he wanted, and still… I’m never enough. I can never be enough.”

Aaron’s eyes softened as he listened, his brow furrowed in quiet concern. He stepped a little closer, but didn’t push, didn’t ask for more than you were willing to give. Instead, he let a few seconds of silence settle between you, his gaze steady and full of a quiet understanding.

“You are enough, Y/N,” he said softly, his voice filled with a tenderness that caught you off guard. There was no hesitation in his voice, no doubt. He spoke like it was a truth he'd always known, something he needed you to believe. “I’ve always thought so,” Aaron added quietly, his eyes never leaving yours, the depth of his sincerity almost too much to bear.

You held his gaze, searching for something you hadn’t known you’d been looking for. His words lingered, quiet and sincere, slipping into the hidden spaces within you where you’d kept so much of this buried. You took a breath, reaching into your cardigan pocket, your fingers brushing against the small object you’d carried all the way from Riverhead. With a steady breath, you pulled it out and set it gently on the counter, your hand lingering on the tiny replica for just a moment before withdrawing.

Aaron’s eyes fell to the miniature, widening as he recognized it. When he looked back up, his face softened, surprise mingling with a depth of emotion that you hadn’t expected to see. For a second, he was motionless, the realization settling over him, raw and unguarded.

“Thank you,” you whispered, the words breaking through the silence, fragile but laced with all the meaning you couldn’t put into words. “Thank you for paying your respects to my father. You didn’t have to… you never even met him. But it means more to me than you know.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but for a moment, nothing came out. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and he glanced down, swallowing hard as he brushed a hand quickly across his face. When he finally spoke, his voice trembled, thick with the weight of everything he had never said. “I didn’t think you’d ever find it. Or if you did, I never thought you’d bring it up.”

Aaron's words barely rose above a whisper, yet they weighed heavy in the air between you. "But it felt right. Like the only way I could… honor him, even in some small way. He meant the world to you, and I - I needed to acknowledge that. It was that case, you know? When we stayed awake all night in that library… it’s when I realized that I wanted you in my life. It was my promise to always be there by your side, because he couldn’t anymore. That’s why I left it there.”

His words lingered in the air, wrapping around you like tendrils of unspoken emotion, thick and charged. And before you had a chance to gather a response, Aaron stepped forward, reaching out with a suddenness that took your breath away. In an instant, he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms enveloping you with a tenderness you hadn’t expected, a tenderness that felt as real and grounding as the earth beneath your feet.

It was rare, this openness from him. All the few times you’d hugged before, it had always been you - arms outstretched, drawing him into a space he hadn’t often allowed himself. But now, it was his embrace wrapping around you, holding on like he was silently declaring something he hadn’t yet found the words for.

You could feel the solid strength of his chest against you, steady and warm, and for a moment, you let yourself fall into the closeness, let your chin rest just above his shoulder as you exhaled, melting into the comfort of him.

His hand found its way to the back of your neck, gentle yet firm, grounding you further. He held you as if he were memorizing the feel of you, as if he needed this connection as much as you did. And in that closeness, your senses were awash with the scent of him, a quiet, earthy warmth that rose around you.

Together, your scents created something unexpected, like stumbling upon a rose bush hidden deep within a dense forest, the fresh bloom intertwining with the quiet strength of the woods around it. The combined warmth was heady, almost tangible, filling the air with a fragrance that felt at once familiar and new, as though it had always been waiting to be discovered.

“I’ve missed you,” Aaron whispered, his breath warm against your ear, sending a gentle shiver through you - not from the chill, but from the tenderness wrapped around his words. His voice held a softness that cracked open something deep inside, making you feel, perhaps for the first time, the full weight of the time and distance that had stood between you. It was as if, in that quiet admission, all the years apart came rushing back, each one settling around you, filling the space with an undeniable, aching presence.

You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink further into the warmth of his embrace, tightening your hold on him as though anchoring yourself to this moment,

To him.

“I’ve missed you too,” you murmured, the words catching slightly in your throat.

For a while, neither of you moved.

You simply held on, breathing in the mingling scents, letting the silence settle around you like a blanket, thick and comforting. It felt like you were standing outside of time, wrapped up in the solace of his arms, the weight of the months and unspoken words slipping away.

His hand traced slow, steady patterns across your back, the rhythmic motion grounding you in a way that made you feel like you had finally come home. There was no rush, no urgency - only the quiet presence of the two of you, finding a calm within each other that neither of you had felt in so long.

Eventually, he pulled back just enough to look down at you, his hands lingering on your shoulders, his eyes soft and searching. His gaze held yours, steady and tender, like he was trying to etch this moment into memory. There was an understanding there, a quiet reassurance that reached places you’d hidden away, his eyes filled with a warmth that made you feel safe, seen, and understood.

You didn’t need words to fill the space between you, because everything you’d been longing to say had already been spoken, carried in the warmth of his arms, in the softness of his gaze.

“Actually, I have something else to ask you, I have a deal for you” he began, his voice carrying a warmth that made your chest tighten. He gave a small, tentative smile, and you could tell by the way he looked at you that this was important.

You raised an eyebrow, your curiosity piqued. “Another deal? You know, the last one didn’t exactly end well,” you teased, trying to lighten the moment, though your heart raced a little at what he might say next.

Aaron’s chuckle was rich and warm, filling the space between you and wrapping around you like a familiar blanket. “Well, that’s because you made the deal,” he replied, eyes twinkling with just a touch of mischief. “This time, it’s my turn.”

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms as you met his gaze, feigning a look of skepticism. “Oh, is it?” you asked, tilting your head slightly, a playful smile dancing on your lips. “Go ahead, Hotchner. Let’s hear this all-important deal of yours.”

He leaned forward, his expression shifting to something a little more serious. “I have this… arrangement with the team,” he started, his tone quieter. “After each case, I fill in some of their reports - the less critical stuff, like case summaries, time logs, expense forms. That way, they can focus on the work that really matters, and when they get back, they’re not bogged down by paperwork.”

You felt a surge of warmth blossom in your chest, and your heart swelled as you listened. It was so undeniably Aaron, always thinking of others, taking on the less glamorous parts of the job so his team wouldn’t have to. “You’re incredible, you know that?” you said softly, the admiration in your voice clear. “All these little things you do for them… they have no idea, do they?”

He shrugged, giving you a small, modest smile. “They don’t need to know. They’re busy enough as it is,” he replied, his voice steady. “But with me gone, I need someone I trust to handle it. Just for these two weeks. I’d ask that you keep it between us, though,” he added, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “The last thing I want is for them to realize those reports even exist. They’re the kind of forms that can eat up hours, and I don’t want anyone else spending their time on them.”

You nodded, understanding both the significance of the task and the trust he was placing in you. “Of course, I’ll do it,” you replied without hesitation. “You don’t have to offer me anything in return, Aaron. I’d be happy to help you with this.”

But he shook his head, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “No, I don’t think you understand. I’m asking you to do something major,” he teased, his voice lightening as he leaned back, crossing his arms. “I know how it feels to come back after a rough case, only to stay even later to handle things that technically aren’t your responsibility. So, let’s make this interesting.”

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow, mirroring his stance, a smile beginning to form as you sensed where he was headed.

“Yes, here’s the deal,” he replied, his eyes gleaming with a familiar spark. “If you agree to handle these reports in absolute secrecy, and you pull it off without the team ever suspecting a thing, I’ll owe you a favor. You get one pass, redeemable whenever you want… and I’ll play something for you. On the guitar.”

You blinked, a warm smile spreading across your face as his words sank in. Memories of your first case together surfaced, and you were suddenly back on that train, laughing as he’d reluctantly admitted he could play. You’d been curious then, teasing him, trying to get him to prove it. But he’d kept that part of himself hidden, reluctant to share it. And now, all these years later, he was finally willing to let you in.

“You’re serious?” you asked softly, your smile widening as you searched his face for confirmation. “You’d actually let me hear you play?”

He nodded, his expression earnest, a gentle warmth in his gaze that made your heart flutter. “Yes. Just this once.”

You laughed, shaking your head, the warmth in your chest growing. “Aaron, I would’ve done this even without the offer. You didn’t need to put anything on the line. But now that you’ve offered… I’m holding you to it,” you replied, your tone both lighthearted and sincere.

He smiled, and you saw the corners of his eyes crinkle as he extended his hand, his voice taking on a formal tone. “Deal,” he said, as if it were a high-stakes negotiation.

You squeezed his hand gently, savoring the warmth and solidity of his grasp, letting the moment stretch a little longer than necessary. “You know, lawyers… always making deals,” you quipped, a mischievous sparkle in your eyes.

He chuckled softly, his hand still warm in yours. “We just like to cover our bases,” he replied, a playful tone weaving through his words. His gaze softened as he added, “Besides, I had to make it worth your while. You’ll understand after you get through a few of those reports. And if you ever need anything, you know I’m only one call away.”

You let out a small laugh, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you replied, “Oh, I’m sure I’ll manage. You, on the other hand, should try enjoying this break. Spend some time with Haley and Jack; you’ve earned it, and they’ll love having you around more.” Your tone grew softer, more sincere. “I know how hard it is for you to let go, even for a little while. But you deserve this, Aaron. And I promise, everything’s going to be fine.”

He looked down, a hint of a smile lingering on his lips, but you could see the tension in his eyes, the weight he carried so silently. You held his gaze, your tone shifting back to seriousness as you continued, “The investigation will be over before you know it. They’ll see the truth of how much you care about your team and the dedication you put into your work. You’re the best person for this job, Aaron. Nobody else could lead the team the way you do. Two weeks will fly by, and when it’s over, everything will be back to normal.”

You paused, a small grin breaking through the seriousness as you added, “Though I can’t promise the team won’t be quoting Plato and Nietzsche by the time you come back. They might even learn a thing or two about Socrates if they’re lucky.”

He let out a laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing as he shook his head, mock exasperation coloring his expression. “Oh, great. Because that’s exactly what they need - an impromptu Philosophy 101 seminar in the middle of a case. I can already imagine the look on Morgan’s face when he tries to decipher why you’re discussing the allegory of the cave while tracking a suspect.”

“Well, consider it an upgrade,” you replied, matching his tone, “just expanding the minds of tomorrow, one Socratic method at a time. Plus, if anything, they’ll come to appreciate your much more straightforward, no-nonsense approach even more.”

He let out a sigh, feigning defeat. “Touché,” he replied, chuckling, then gave you a teasing look. “Just don’t go turning the team into a bunch of philosophical skeptics, alright? I think I’d prefer them grounded in reality.”

You grinned, unable to hold back a laugh. “You have my word,” you replied, though a mischievous glint lingered in your eyes. “No deep-dive existential debates while they’re on the clock… well, unless it’s really necessary.”

He chuckled softly, but there was a warmth in his gaze that lingered. “Thank you,” he said after a moment, his voice quiet but full of something deeper, a sincere gratitude that reached beyond words. “For the reassurance. I don’t know how you do it, but you always seem to know exactly what to say.”

You felt a gentle tug in your chest, a familiar sense of understanding between you that had always been there, even through the silences and the distance. “I guess it’s part of the job,” you teased lightly, your smile softening. “Reading people.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow, smirking as he shook his head. “Don’t go thinking you’ve got me all figured out now,” he replied, the hint of challenge in his voice playful but with an undeniable warmth behind it.

“Oh, I already have,” you shot back, a spark of playful defiance in your tone, though your eyes stayed warm and full of affection. “And don’t lie to my face, Aaron, saying you can’t read me like an open book. We both know you can.”

His smirk turned softer, his eyes softening as he looked at you. “Let’s not go there,” he said gently, the edge of a smile still tugging at his lips. Then, his voice dropped to something more serious, more intimate, as he added, “Just... take care of them. And of yourself, alright?”

His words held more than just the usual weight of concern; there was something else there, a quiet plea, a tenderness that went beyond the job. You nodded, feeling your heart swell in your chest as the moment stretched between you, full of unspoken things, and yet, for once, you didn’t need words to fill the space.

“I will,” you promised, your voice soft but full of certainty. “And Aaron... take care of yourself, too. You’ve been carrying a lot for a long time.”

His gaze met yours, full of unspoken understanding. He nodded, his eyes holding yours for just a moment longer before he finally said, “I will.”

---

It was just after 5 a.m. in Newport, and the town lay cloaked in a thick layer of early morning fog, everything still and untouched by the first light. You were perched on the edge of your hotel bed, mind racing despite the weight of exhaustion pressing down on you, every muscle still tense from your very first day as Unit Chief.

You hadn’t been in the room more than half an hour, but the adrenaline still pulsed faintly in your veins, keeping sleep at bay. Without thinking too much about it, you reached for your phone, scrolling to Aaron’s number. You knew he was awake - 8 a.m. in D.C. was a sure bet that he’d already be up, probably with a cup of coffee in hand, well into his morning routine.

You dialed his number, the soft ring cutting through the silence of your dim room. There was a flicker of hesitation as you listened to the tone. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to call him, maybe he wouldn’t want to hear about this. But then, on the third ring, his familiar voice answered, warm and steady, as if he’d been expecting you.

“Hey,” he said, his voice carrying that calm, reassuring tone that had always grounded you. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping by now?”

You let out a soft, tired laugh, leaning back against the cool headboard, the weight of the day pressing against your chest. “You sound way too rested for me to take that seriously,” you teased, a smirk tugging at the corner of your mouth.

He chuckled, the sound low and comforting. “That’s because I am. I take it you’ve been up all night?”

“Yeah,” you admitted with a sigh, the fatigue settling deeper into your bones. “Barely just got in. The team isn’t too thrilled about the all-nighter either.”

There was a brief pause on the other end, then Aaron’s voice softened, concern threading through. “That sounds rough, especially for your first case as Unit Chief. How’s the team holding up?”

You let out a small, weary laugh, running a hand through your hair in an attempt to ease the exhaustion that clung to every muscle. “They’re managing… but they’ve been finding ways to keep themselves entertained, despite the long hours. Apparently, it’s become a bit of a game for them to list all the ways you and I are, apparently, identical.”

Aaron chuckled softly, and you could practically hear the small, amused smile tugging at his lips. “Oh? I can’t imagine what they’ve come up with.”

You shook your head, a grin creeping up despite the exhaustion. “Neither can I, honestly. But they seem to think the list is long. According to them, we’ve both got the same head tilt when we’re staring at a board for too long. They swear it’s ‘uncanny’ as Prentiss eloquently said.”

“Clearly, they’re imagining things,” he replied, his tone light but still carrying a touch of disbelief. “But I’m pretty sure I picked up that head tilt from you, though. I didn’t do that before we started working together, but if I do it, it’s definitely different from yours. No way they’re the same.”

You raised an eyebrow, chuckling softly, finding comfort in the easy back-and-forth. “Right, so any similarities we have are because you’ve been subconsciously imitating me? Oh, and they also pointed out that we both cross our arms the same way when we’re staring at the whiteboard. That one really got them going.”

“Now that can’t be true,” Aaron shot back, though you could hear the playful disbelief in his voice. “I’ve been crossing my arms like that since law school. That’s my signature move, you know.”

“Oh, no,” you said, the grin widening on your face. “I’ll have you know I was crossing my arms long before you ever knew me. If anything, you’re the one who picked it up from me. I don’t remember you doing it back when we were first working together.”

He scoffed, though the smile behind his words was unmistakable. “So now we’re claiming that all our mannerisms are one-sided? Right, of course, it’s me copying you, not the other way around.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you stretched out on the bed, feeling the tension begin to slip away. “Well, maybe we’re more alike than we think,” you teased lightly. “Apparently, that’s the team’s conclusion. They even said we tilt our heads the same way when we’re deep in thought.”

He chuckled again, the sound warm and rich. “They’re reaching now. But you should count yourself lucky, though—at least they didn’t say you have the same stare as me.”

You let out a mock sigh of relief, your voice tinged with amusement. “Oh, thank God. If they said that, I’d have to be concerned. Your stare is… terrifying, to say the least. If I ever start channeling that, then we’re in real trouble.”

Aaron laughed softly. “Well, as long as you’re not giving them my patented death stare, I think you’re safe.”

“Honestly, though,” you continued, still smiling, “as long as they didn’t say I had the same look as you, I’ll let it slide. We’re allowed to have a few shared habits, right? It’s bound to happen after all these years.”

“Shared habits,” Aaron repeated, his tone mock-serious now. “Alright, I’ll let them have that one. But I’m still holding onto the fact that the move of crossing the arms is mine.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, your chest lighter than it had been all day. “Sure, Aaron. You keep telling yourself that.”

“But if they think we’re so alike, then I’m guessing you haven’t bored them with your philosophy speeches yet.”  he replied, the warmth in his voice unmistakable.

You laughed, the sound surprising you with how much lighter you felt already. “Oh, no. I’ve been ‘holding back’ - mostly because someone,” you said, your tone laced with mock offense, “strongly suggested I avoid doing so.”

Aaron chuckled, his laugh rich and deep, filling the quiet space of your room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, really?” you said, arching an eyebrow even though he couldn’t see it. “Because if I remember correctly, someone told me, and I quote, ‘Because that’s exactly what they need - an impromptu Philosophy 101 seminar in the middle of a case. I can already imagine Morgan’s face when you start discussing the Allegory of the Cave while tracking a suspect.’”

He laughed again, the sound so genuine that it warmed you. “Well, I stand by that. Could you imagine the looks on their faces?”

“I think they’d survive,” you teased. “But for the record, I have been holding back - thanks to your recommendation, of course.”

“Oh, I’m sure they appreciate that,” he said, still chuckling. “And for what it’s worth, you’re doing great. I know it’s not easy stepping into this role, especially with a tough case like this right off the bat.”

“Thanks,” you replied softly, letting the warmth of his words sink in, a soothing balm against the exhaustion that clung to your bones. “I really appreciate that. Oh—wait till you hear this; it’ll boost your ego even more. They’ve already given me a nickname, and I think you’re going to get a kick out of it.”

Aaron’s interest was immediate, his tone curious. “Oh? I’m all ears. What’s the nickname?”

You grinned, settling back against the pillows, feeling the slightest bit of amusement cut through the haze of fatigue. “It started with Morgan calling me ‘Teacher,’ which, okay, I get. But by the end of the day, Reid had taken it upon himself to shorten it to ‘Teach.’”

There was a beat of silence before Aaron let out a soft chuckle, the sound low and warm. “Teach, huh? Seems familiar. Five letters, ends in ‘ch’... I see where they’re going with this.”

“Exactly!” you said with a laugh. “It’s like they’re trying to turn me into your clone or something. The moment they found out I was your partner not even a year ago, it was like my identity didn’t even matter. Just ‘Hotch’s partner.’ No individuality whatsoever! All these years, and you never even mentioned me. No wonder they’re treating me like some kind of Hotchner 2.0.”

He chuckled, a little sheepish but amused. “I’ll admit, I’m not big on personal stories with the team. But to be fair, I never thought you’d cross paths with them.”

You smirked, unable to let it go. “If you’d just mentioned me once or twice, they might’ve seen me as an actual person in my own right. Now, I’m ‘Teach,’ forever cemented as the philosophical shadow of Aaron Hotchner.”

“Well, to be fair, you are the Unit Chief now,” he replied, a lightness dancing in his tone. “But hey, that’s not so bad, right? They just see a lot of me in you, which I think is a compliment. You’re still very much yourself, even if they try to categorize you the way they do me.”

“Compliment?” you shot back, feigning offense. “If you want to talk about personal identity, I could launch into a full-blown lecture on the philosophical implications of maintaining one’s unique self in a world that constantly tries to define you, pigeonhole you…” You let the teasing note linger in your voice, leaning right into it.

He let out a loud, exaggerated groan, clearly amused. “Oh, here we go. I knew I walked right into this one.”

“Hey, you brought it up!” you grinned, unable to resist. “Don’t blame me if I start diving into existentialism and the whole ‘self versus society’ thing. I mean, we could be talking Kierkegaard, Sartre…”

Aaron sighed dramatically, but you could hear the affection in his voice, the smile you couldn’t see but could feel through the phone. “And here I thought I was safe from Philosophy 101 tonight.”

“Oh, you’re never safe,” you replied, putting on a mock-serious tone. “Not when you’re the one who kept me a secret for all these years, only to have me emerge as your apparent philosophical twin. Just younger, wittier, and of course, way more intelligent and let’s be honest – more pleasant to talk to. It’s almost poetic, honestly, if you think about it.”

He chuckled, a warm, soft sound that made you smile. “Alright, alright, I’ll take the blame. Though I’d argue I kept you a secret for your own protection.”

“Oh, how noble of you,” you teased, feeling the last bits of tension from the day melting away. You settled back into the bed, glancing at the nightstand where you’d stashed your current read.

He shifted gears then, his voice lightening even more. “So, what’s your reading material tonight? I know you’ve got a book with you. You always do.”

You smiled at the shared tradition between you, that small moment of normalcy amidst the chaos of your jobs. “Oh, I’m reading something fascinating tonight. Surprisingly slim, but technically part of a series.”

He paused for a moment, clearly thinking it over. “Slim and part of a series… Is it one of your philosophy books?”

You laughed, shaking your head even though he couldn’t see you. “Nope, not quite.”

“Then I’m stumped,” he said, sounding genuinely curious. “What is it?”

“Oh, you know, just a real page-turner. Beige cover, simple font, title reads ‘Federal Bureau of Investigation,’ and the author is none other than the illustrious U.S. Department of Justice.” You paused, letting your voice grow overly dramatic. “It’s riveting, Aaron. Really, you’d love it.”

Aaron laughed, a warm, full sound that managed to fill the quiet, early-morning stillness of your hotel room. It was one of those rare laughs that made you feel like you could reach out and touch the warmth in his voice. “You’re reading case files before bed now? Really?”

“Guilty, your honor,” you sighed, letting out an exaggerated breath. “I think it’s fair to say I’m fully immersed in the BAU lifestyle now. Case files as bedtime stories, an absolute treat, right?”

“If you’ve given up your novels for those,” he replied, amusement dancing through his tone, “then I’m genuinely concerned. That’s how you know it’s serious. But… while we’re talking about serious matters,” he continued, a note of curiosity creeping in, “how’s it feel having a whole hotel room to yourself for once? I imagine it’s quite the change from sharing a room with me on those long cases. I bet you’re enjoying the freedom.”

You grinned, settling further back against the pillows, feeling the tension of the day begin to melt away. “Oh, it’s luxurious,” you replied, letting your voice take on a light, teasing quality. “No one rustling around at two in the morning, no one’s phone alarm blaring at ungodly hours, no ‘I need to finish one last report’ moments. I’m living the high life here. All the peace and quiet I could ever dream of.”

“Luxury, huh?” he asked, his voice filled with playful skepticism. “If it’s so wonderful, then why’d you call me?”

You rolled your eyes, your grin widening. “Clearly, I’m still in ‘debrief mode’ and needed someone to unload all these heavy philosophical musings on. And since you’re the lucky recipient, I hope you’re ready for it.” You paused, feigning a haughty sigh. “But honestly, if you’re just going to tease me, I could always hang up, let you get back to whatever it is you do at 8 a.m. And I could probably get some extra sleep, for once.”

Aaron’s laughter softened, settling into something more tender. “No, no, don’t hang up. I’m glad you called, really,” he replied, his tone warm. “Although, I’d feel guilty if you didn’t get some rest. So,” he added, his voice carrying that familiar, gentle authority, “don’t keep me up too long, alright? You should get some sleep too.”

“Sleep?” you repeated, pretending to be horrified. “Who needs it? If I’ve survived this long without it, I’m practically invincible now.”

He chuckled, the sound low and comforting. “Well, invincible or not, try to get at least a few hours. For me, if nothing else. Deal?”

“Fine, fine, deal,” you said, a hint of affection lacing your tone. “Only because you asked so nicely.” Settling deeper into the bed, you felt a little of the day’s weight start to ease. Talking with him, even over the phone, brought a sense of calm that grounded you, and you realized just how much you’d missed the familiarity of it.

“Good,” he replied softly, then, with a teasing edge, he continued, “As you get back to your… gripping reading material, do you want to talk about the case? Or is it still too classified to discuss?”

You laughed, shaking your head, fully aware of how he loved to poke fun at Strauss’s emphasis on protocol. “Well, this case is still ongoing, and we are dealing with classified information here…” you said, adopting a mock-serious tone. “But maybe I could bend the rules just a bit. I could tell you about my very first day, the momentous occasion of ‘Teach’s debut’.”

“Oh, please do,” he replied, clearly amused. “And tell me, is my office still intact? Or have you scattered it with sticky notes and red string?”

“Don’t tempt me, but no, I’ve preserved your precious workspace.” you replied with a chuckle, picturing his face as he visualized the mess you could create. “It all started when…”

---

taglist: @beata1108 ; @cuddleprofiler ; @c-losur3 ; @fangirlunknown ; @kyrathekiller ; @lostinwonderland314 ; @mxblobby ; @prettybaby-reid ; @reidfile ; @royalestrellas ; @ssa-callahan ; @todorokishoe24

[thebiscuitlabryinth]

"...We're two sides of the same coin, aren't we?"

The whispered confession falls clumsily out of Pure Vanilla's mouth, almost dragged out, bitterly sweet and strange on his tongue. The words are addressed to his own stained candy glass visage, spilling tendrils of bright blue light across the Solarium of Unity despite the almost suffocating darkness invading the rest of the space.

He knows this isn't really the Solarium of Unity, and he knows he isn't just speaking to a window. The lurking shadows, thick like molasses and blinking every once in a while, give that away. Even if it didn't, there is a haziness here that exists only in dreams, and a lack of the deep tiredness that has been plaguing him as of late.

"Oh, are you finally ready to admit that?" Sure enough, Shadow Milk Cookie's voice comes from all sides, far too cheerful. The candy glass melts and warps before him, the blues darkening until Shadow Milk stands in his place, far more detailed than the artisan silhouette he replaced. His grin is mocking as he looks down at Pure Vanilla, who cannot help but feel uncomfortable at the sight of their appearances blurring together like that, even though he had been expecting something along those lines. "Too bad though – you can't admit something that's wrong!"

"Huh?" It catches Pure Vanilla by surprise. It had been difficult emotionally, but logically straightforward to admit they were two sides of the same coin. He couldn't imagine how that could be wrong, and acting upon an old habit from his student days, he finds himself frantically unravelling that conclusion in his head again to figure out the issue.

Shadow Milk doesn't give him the chance, tutting as he shakes his head in mock disappointment. "You must have a brain in there, can't you use it?" He laments theatrically, contorting himself into an odd shape against the edge of the window pane. Then, again barreling on before Pure Vanilla can reply, "Look, think of it like this. To say we're two sides of the same coin means that we have similarities, even if we are otherwise opposites. That is true to an extent, but it makes our differences sound way more clear cut than they actually are. It may be easier for you to believe, but we aren't really opposites. That would imply I am not whole, and I can assure you, Soul Jam aside, I am just as I always was!"

Ah, so it's a matter of wording. Pure Vanilla isn't sure why he is entertaining this - no, it's because he doesn't want to give Shadow Milk the satisfaction of turning away from the truth. Even now, Shadow Milk's eyes squint cheekily at him, daring him to try and end the conversation.

"Then... we are made of the same components in a different composition." Pure Vanilla tries, a little frustrated with his own hesitance, but it is difficult to tell how Shadow Milk wants him to answer when he isn't making it blatantly obvious.

"So close!" Shadow Milk sighs dramatically as he snaps his head to the side so sharply it makes Pure Vanilla wince, imagining the cracks that would cause on any other Cookie. "But you're relying on technicalities. It's much simpler than that."

It dawns on Pure Vanilla, then, exactly what Shadow Milk is aiming for, the realisation making his insides crawl. He doesn't have to say it, not really, but he isn't sure what Shadow Milk will do if he doesn't, and he unfortunately doesn't have the ability to wake himself up on command.

So he takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his staff as he says, even less than a whisper yet twice as loud. "We're... We're the same. Is that what you wanted me to say?"

"Ding-ding-ding!" Shadow Milk trills, suddenly reaching through the candy glass to grip the window frame and lurching forward across the threshold, leaving a mess of shattered glass behind his head like a halo. It startles Pure Vanilla, who instinctively shifts his foot back, only to be instantly locked in place as the reaching shadows soldify around his legs, its eyes winking up at him playfully. His grip on his staff tightens, willing it to shed its light, the beginnings of panic stirring within him at the restraint. The staff does, but the shadows seem to eat the light without a problem.

Pure Vanilla is so distracted by the shadows that he doesn't notice Shadow Milk's hands until they grab his face. His heart jumps in alarm, and his eyes dart up to find half of Shadow Milk leaning down out of the window, far too close. He is grinning at him, wide and self-satisfied, and his hands are cold and harsh. "See, I knew you had a working brain! Yes, the right answer is that we are one and the same."

He pinches and pulls at his cheeks, and Pure Vanilla tries to cringe away, tries to manuver his staff between them. It doesn't work, if only because hands emerge from the darkness to anchor his staff too.

"But that isn't true." Pure Vanilla mumbles when he isn't able to wiggle his way out and Shadow Milk still shows no signs of stopping, hoping the argument will make him lose interest in his face. "I admit that there are similarities between us, but we aren't really the same."

Shadow Milk pauses, his grip tightening until it borders on pain, and for a moment, Pure Vanilla thinks he may have miscalculated.

But then Shadow Milk snickers to himself, releasing his face entirely and pulling back, his hands resting lightly over Pure Vanilla's shoulders. The brush of weight keeps Pure Vanilla from relaxing, but it is a bit of added distance, at least.

"Aren't we? Well, you are the biggest liar, so I should have expected you would lie to yourself too." Shadow Milk hums, almost sounding delighted at this turn in conversation. It unnerves Pure Vanilla, because he had assumed his disagreement would annoy him.

Instead, Shadow Milk smirks, his many eyes glinting gleefully at him. "Listen carefully, Vani, because here's the truth." He says, his voice dipping into a wicked purr that seems to shudder through Pure Vanilla's whole body. "All the things you hate that I have done, you have the capability of doing too. After all, you've already used people for your own gain, haven't you?" Shadow Milk leans closer with a condescending lilt to his words, shifting his hands so he can wrap his arms loosely over his shoulders, and Pure Vanilla freezes under the touch. "Oh, I know you think it was necessary, but you still sent those naive, tiny Cookies off to carry out your errands for you, regardless of the dangers. That's only a few steps behind what I've done, you know, making people dance to my tune. The only difference between us is severity and time."

The words sink heavily to Pure Vanilla's stomach, not quite true but not quite not true, and he feels a little lightheaded, fingers twitching against his staff. Maybe it's because of that, or maybe it's because of his discomfort from the close proximity, but he finds himself distracted by the way Shadow Milk is talking. He carries his usual air of showmanship, but it is nowhere near as exaggerated as during his brief takeover of the Faerie Kingdom. With his insistence of specificity, his mention of technicalities, his structured method of explaining things, he almost sounds like a–

"We are the same," Shadow Milk repeats, tilting his head to the side, the glow of his eyes burning holes through Pure Vanilla, "and one day, you'll end up just like me."

A scholar.

That makes sense – at some point, his virtue had been Knowledge, and nobody seeks it out as fervently as a scholar – but it still feels like a surprise. Pure Vanilla had always known that Shadow Milk was different, once, but only in the sense that the fact existed in the back of his mind.

"No rebuttal, hmm? Are you ready to accept that?" Shadow Milk asks smugly, slightly impatient with Pure Vanilla's lack of response, but mostly watching him expectantly, as if waiting for a bomb to go off.

Pure Vanilla has never thought about what Shadow Milk might have been like, before he became like this. There was no reason to even consider it. But now, he can't help but wonder, because while he cannot imagine this chaotic, brutal Beast, this great unknown evil, as anything else – Shadow Milk still carries echoes from a past life that he doesn't seem to notice enough to hide with his lies.

"...If we are the same," Pure Vanilla finally scrapes his thoughts together enough to reply, carefully, "then doesn't that make the opposite possible too? That, one day, you will become like me and return to the light?"

Shadow Milk blinks once, his face falling blank. He blinks again, all of his eyes in quick succession.

And then he throws his head back and laughs, the movement jostling Pure Vanilla in the process with his arms still firmly around his shoulders. It sounds unhinged, ricocheting across the room, but it is openly amused. It makes Pure Vanilla antsy, especially with how it rings in his ears like an explosion from their closeness.

He wonders if Shadow Milk's laugh was different, before everything. It must have been. He wonders what it sounded like, and immediately realises that he's being ridiculous. The realisation that a before exists seems to have opened the floodgates in his mind, and now thoughts of hypotheticals can't help flitting in.

"You say such silly, silly things." Shadow Milk bites out offhandedly as his laughter winds down, the lingering remnants still dancing on his tongue. Without warning, he pulls Pure Vanilla even closer, the darkness that had been keeping him in place swirling and shoving him forward. Pure Vanilla gasps, the sound catching in his throat, and one of his hands fly off his staff to reach for something to steady himself on. It finds an edge of shattered candy glass, flinching back and falling down to scrabble against its smooth, intact surface.

Shadow Milk is giggling at him and Pure Vanilla is mortified, horribly so. They are far, far too close, Shadow Milk's face taking up the near entirety of his vision and their upper bodies almost pressed together. It feels claustrophobic, which should be impossible in such a wide, open space.

Shadow Milk makes matters worse by pressing their foreheads together, the gesture weirdly tender and doing nothing to make Pure Vanilla any calmer. His bright blue eyes look directly through him, dissecting him piece by piece.

"Why don't you cut down the Silver Tree and find out?" Shadow Milk coos, his voice overlapping with the Light of Truth's in a deeply unsettling way. His presence is overwhelming.

Pure Vanilla's eyes flicker downwards to escape his piercing gaze, and finds their chests so close that their Soul Jams are overlapping. Overlapping, and not touching, because Shadow Milk's Soul Jam seems to fizzle out of existence where the other makes contact with it, as if it were an illusion. Behind it is an empty space, black as the abyss. With the way they are lined up now, it is obvious that Pure Vanilla's Soul Jam would fit perfectly into the crevice with a little turning. He knew that already, but it still feels strange to see it.

Pure Vanilla sighs, a long, thin, shuddering sound. "...You didn't truly believe that would work, did you?"

In the edge of his vision, Shadow Milk smiles tauntingly, all teeth, but he doesn't say a word.

And Pure Vanilla wakes up, off kilter, exhausted and oddly cold.

[next]

[moonxknightx]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : SHATTERED REFLECTIONS : :;

╰┈➤ ❝ [PAIRING] ❞ Dark!Toxic!Logan Howlett x F!Reader

・❥・GENRE: Angst

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆FANDOM: X-Men

ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: Violence: Contains descriptions of physical violence and assault, including an assault with claws, Emotional Distress: Deals with themes of heartbreak, emotional manipulation, and the impact of toxic relationships, Adult Themes: Includes mature content related to romantic relationships, jealousy, and emotional trauma, Character Deaths: Implies potential for severe injury, with one character being gravely hurt, Mentions of Y/N

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥SUMMARY: you’re a human working at the X-Mansion who ended things with Logan Howlett after catching him with Jean Grey. Unaware of the truth, you’re forced to confront Logan when his anger and obsession lead him to violently attack your new boyfriend, Mark.

Based on this request.

THE WIND RUSTLED THE LEAVES SURROUNDING THE SPRAWLING X-MANSION, a stark contrast to the tense energy crackling in the air. You pulled your coat tighter, stepping out of your car and making your way toward the grand estate. Working at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters was never boring, especially as one of the few humans on staff. It was a privilege, some might say, to work among mutants and the mighty X-Men, but you weren’t here for privilege. You were here for a fresh start.

It had been years since the breakup with Logan Howlett, and while the scars remained, you had done your best to move on. He was still around, of course. You couldn't exactly escape him in a place like this, but you had mastered the art of avoidance. Besides, the past was the past. Your life wasn’t on hold anymore.

“Hey, you”

You turned at the familiar voice. It was Mark, the guy you had started seeing recently. A friendly smile tugged at your lips as he jogged up to you, carrying his usual easy-going charm.

“Hey,” you greeted him softly. “You didn’t have to come all the way here.”

Mark shrugged. “Thought I’d walk you in. Plus, I didn’t get enough of you last night.”

You chuckled, feeling warmth spread through you, but that small moment of lightheartedness faded as a shadow approached from the front gates.

Logan.

His figure was unmistakable—tall, rugged, broad shoulders, and that untamed edge that always made him stand out. Except this time, his eyes, burning with a feral intensity, were locked on Mark. He barely acknowledged your presence.

"Who's this?" Logan growled, his deep voice sending a chill down your spine.

Your heart skipped, a pit forming in your stomach. You hadn’t told Logan about Mark because… well, there hadn’t been a reason to. But now, standing here, facing him like this, you felt the weight of his presence more than you’d like to admit.

"This is Mark," you replied, trying to keep your tone casual, but Logan's expression remained unreadable, his jaw set tightly. "We're seeing each other."

Logan's eyes flicked over Mark, as if sizing him up, and something primal simmered beneath his gaze. "Seeing each other, huh?" His lips curled into something resembling a sneer. “Doesn’t seem like much.”

“Logan,” you warned, stepping forward slightly. “Don’t.”

Mark, oblivious to the brewing tension, extended his hand toward Logan. “Hey, man, I’ve heard a lot about you—"

But Logan didn’t take the offered hand. His eyes flashed with barely restrained rage, his fists clenching. "I bet you have."

Mark’s brow furrowed, and he pulled his hand back awkwardly. The air around you thickened with unspoken hostility. You stepped between them, your heart racing as memories of the past came flooding back—memories of Logan’s anger, his possessiveness.

"Logan, stop it. This isn’t your business anymore," you said firmly, hoping your words would snap him out of whatever violent spiral he was heading toward.

Logan’s gaze, now locked on you, darkened with something far more painful than anger. “The hell it isn’t,” he spat. “You think you can just move on? After everything?”

Your chest tightened. "It’s been years, Logan. We’re over."

His jaw clenched, and for a moment, you saw a flicker of something deep in his eyes—hurt, betrayal. But then it was gone, replaced by that all-too-familiar fury.

“I didn’t cheat on you,” he said suddenly, his voice low but filled with intensity.

You flinched. The wound from that day was still fresh, still raw. The day you walked into the common room and saw Jean Grey pressed against Logan, her lips on his, and him—God, you thought he was kissing her back. It was the last thing you had seen before walking away. No words, no confrontation, just pain, and silence. You left before he could explain, before you could see how he had pushed Jean away, fury radiating off him like a wildfire.

“I know what I saw, Logan.”

“No. You saw what she wanted you to see,” he growled. “Jean forced herself on me. I didn’t want her.”

You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping you. “That’s convenient, isn’t it? To blame her when she’s not here to defend herself.”

Logan's eyes flared with anger, his claws unsheathing slightly as he took a step toward you. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You never stayed long enough to hear the truth.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to hear it!” you shot back, your own anger rising to meet his. “You think that makes it okay? You think your anger fixes everything, Logan?”

Mark, who had been silent this whole time, stepped in, sensing the escalation. “(Y/N), maybe we should just—”

“No!” Logan snarled, his eyes darting to Mark. “You don’t get to talk here, pretty boy.”

Mark’s face hardened. “Look, man, I don’t want any trouble.”

Logan’s laugh was cold, venomous. “You already found trouble.”

“Logan, enough!” you yelled, stepping between them again. “This is done. We’re done. You need to accept that.”

Logan’s eyes locked onto yours, and for the first time, there was something broken there—something desperate. His voice was low, almost pleading. “I was going to marry you, (Y/N).”

Your breath caught in your throat. It was the first time either of you had mentioned the engagement since the breakup. The ring that had once felt like a promise, like forever, now felt like a distant memory. You blinked away the sudden tears that threatened to spill, shaking your head.

“You can’t keep holding onto that, Logan. It’s over.”

He took another step closer, his eyes blazing with something dark, something dangerous. “It’s not over for me.”

You were about to respond when a sharp movement caught your attention. Logan had lunged forward, grabbing Mark by the collar and yanking him off his feet. A gasp escaped your lips as Mark struggled against the iron grip.

“Logan, no!” you screamed, panic seizing your chest as you tried to pull him off. “Let him go!”

But Logan didn’t budge, his claws extending fully now as he pressed them dangerously close to Mark’s throat. Mark’s eyes widened in fear, his breath coming in short gasps as he tried to speak.

“This guy,” Logan snarled, his voice dripping with venom, “he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Stop!” you yelled again, tears streaming down your face as you pulled at his arm, desperation clawing at your insides. “Please, Logan, don’t do this!”

For a moment, the world seemed to hang in the balance, the weight of your plea hanging in the air between you. Logan’s eyes flicked to you, something unreadable flashing across his face.

Then, slowly, agonizingly, he released Mark, who fell to the ground gasping for breath.

“Get out of here,” Logan spat, his voice shaking with rage. “Before I change my mind.”

Mark scrambled to his feet, grabbing your arm as if to pull you away with him, but you stood frozen, your eyes locked on Logan’s.

“Go,” you whispered to Mark, your voice hollow. “I’ll catch up.”

Mark hesitated, but when you didn’t move, he nodded and stumbled toward the gate.

When he was gone, you turned back to Logan, your heart shattering all over again. “You can’t do this, Logan.”

He didn’t answer, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as he stared at you, his claws retracting slowly. “I can’t lose you,” he finally whispered, the words a broken confession.

You shook your head, wiping the tears from your face. “You already did.”

And with that, you turned and walked away, leaving Logan standing alone in the cold.

~

The days after your confrontation with Logan blurred into a haze of unease. Despite his promise to give you time, his presence weighed heavily on your mind, lurking just beyond the edges of your thoughts. Every glance in the halls, every shared silence during meetings—it all felt charged with a tension you couldn’t shake.

Mark had backed off since that night. You couldn’t blame him. As much as he tried to be supportive, you knew Logan’s threat had shaken him to his core. The encounter had left its mark on you, too. It was clear Logan hadn’t moved on, and you couldn’t ignore the fact that some part of you hadn’t either. But the idea of going back? It scared you.

You stood in front of the X-Mansion’s grand staircase, staring at the students milling about. They were oblivious to the storm that brewed inside the walls of this place, inside your heart. You had work to do—there was always work—but your thoughts were far from your responsibilities.

“(Y/N?)”

A familiar voice snapped you out of your reverie. It was Scott Summers, his presence commanding as always, but his tone carried a gentleness that you hadn’t expected.

“You okay?” he asked, adjusting his visor slightly. “You’ve been… distant lately.”

You hesitated, unsure of how to answer. Scott had always been one of the more perceptive X-Men, but you weren’t ready to unload the entire mess that was your emotional state onto him. He, more than anyone, had a complicated history with Logan—especially when it came to Jean.

“I’m fine,” you said, forcing a smile. “Just a lot on my mind.”

Scott studied you for a moment before nodding slowly. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.” He paused, then added quietly, “Logan’s not easy to deal with. Just… be careful.”

His words hung in the air as he walked away, leaving you to contemplate what "careful" even looked like in a situation like this.

~

That evening, you found yourself wandering outside, the cool air soothing against your skin. The grounds around the mansion were sprawling, and you often came out here to clear your mind. Tonight, though, your thoughts were too tangled to unravel.

As you walked along the wooded path that led to the edge of the property, you heard footsteps behind you. At first, you tensed, but then a familiar scent of whiskey and cigars filled the air.

“Logan,” you said, without turning around.

He stepped into view beside you, silent at first, his eyes scanning the darkened sky as though looking for answers. He didn’t say anything, but the tension between you was palpable, like a rope pulled too tight, threatening to snap.

“Why are you here?” you asked softly, not trusting yourself to look at him.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he muttered, his voice low. “You’re always running away, (Y/N).”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep your emotions in check. “I’m not running. I’m thinking.”

Logan scoffed, a sound filled with bitterness. “Thinking? About what? Him?”

Your heart skipped at the venom in his voice, and you finally turned to face him. His eyes were locked on you, fierce and unyielding, as if the very idea of Mark being in your life was an insult to him.

“This isn’t about Mark,” you shot back. “This is about you, Logan. About us. What we’ve become.”

“And what’s that?” he growled, taking a step closer, his posture tense and coiled, like a predator ready to strike. “What are we now, You tell me.”

You didn’t have an answer. What were you? Ex-lovers? Former fiancés? Two people who couldn’t let go of a future that was never going to happen?

“I don’t know,” you whispered, your voice breaking slightly. “I don’t know anymore.”

Logan’s expression softened for a moment, the anger ebbing away just enough for you to see the pain beneath it. “I never wanted it to be like this,” he murmured, his voice gruff but vulnerable. “I never wanted to lose you.”

Your chest tightened at his words. There was a time when you would have believed him without question, when his love was the only thing that mattered. But now? Now you were caught between what was and what could never be.

“You have to let go, Logan,” you said, your voice shaking as you forced the words out. “We can’t keep doing this.”

Logan’s eyes darkened, his expression hardening again. “I can’t let go,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. “I won’t.”

A cold chill ran down your spine at the intensity in his tone. You had seen Logan angry before, had witnessed the fury of the Wolverine—but this? This was different. It wasn’t just anger. It was obsession.

“You have to,” you whispered, stepping back, putting some distance between you. “This… this isn’t healthy. For either of us.”

Logan’s jaw clenched, and he took another step toward you, closing the distance again. “You think I care about healthy? About what’s good for me?” His voice dropped, the desperation leaking through. “You are all i’ve got.”

Tears stung at your eyes as you looked at him, his face etched with years of pain and regret. You wanted to reach out, to touch him, to comfort him. But you knew that if you did, you’d be pulled back into the same toxic cycle you had worked so hard to escape.

“I can’t be that for you anymore,” you said softly, tears slipping down your cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

Logan’s face twisted with anguish, his hands balling into fists at his sides. For a moment, he looked like he was going to argue, to fight you on it, but then something in him broke. His shoulders sagged, his anger dissipating into something far more heartbreaking.

“Don’t do this,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “Don’t leave me.”

The raw vulnerability in his words nearly shattered your resolve, but you knew that staying would only make things worse. You had to be strong, for both of you.

“I’m not leaving you,” you said, stepping forward and gently placing a hand on his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath your palm, but it was a beat laced with sorrow. “I’m just letting us go.”

Logan’s hand covered yours, holding it against his chest, his gaze locking onto yours. For a moment, neither of you moved, the weight of everything unspoken between you pressing down like a heavy fog.

“I love you,” he said, his voice rough, desperate.

You closed your eyes, the words cutting through you like a blade. “I know.”

And with that, you pulled your hand away, stepping back, the loss already aching in your chest. Logan watched you go, his face a mask of pain, but he didn’t follow. He just stood there, rooted to the spot as you walked away into the night.

~

It wasn’t long after that night when things took a darker turn.

A few days passed, the tension between you and Logan lingering but unspoken. Mark had returned, cautious but understanding. You were trying to rebuild some sense of normalcy, though deep down, you knew it wouldn’t last.

One afternoon, as you were finishing up paperwork in your office, you heard a commotion outside. Raised voices, hurried footsteps. Something was wrong.

You rushed into the hallway, finding a group of students gathered around. They parted when they saw you, revealing a sight that made your blood run cold.

Mark was lying on the ground, barely conscious, his face bruised and bloodied. His shirt was torn, and there were deep claw marks across his chest. He was gasping for air, his eyes wide with pain.

“Oh my God,” you breathed, rushing to his side. “What happened?”

A nearby student, shaken, spoke up. “It… it was Logan. He went crazy. Attacked him out of nowhere.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach, your mind reeling with shock and disbelief. You had seen Logan angry, but this—this was beyond anything you had imagined.

“Get help,” you barked, panic flooding your veins as you pressed your hands against Mark’s wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. “Get Hank— now!”

As the student ran off, you looked down at Mark, tears blurring your vision. “Mark, stay with me,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “Please, just stay with me.”

But as you spoke, your thoughts drifted to Logan, to the man you once loved—and the monster he had become.

~

The frantic rush to get Mark medical attention was a blur. You barely registered the voices around you—Hank's orders as he examined Mark, the students' whispers, the quiet hum of medical equipment in the mansion’s makeshift infirmary. Your hands were stained with his blood, and your mind could barely keep up with the whirlwind of panic and guilt.

Logan. It always came back to Logan.

You paced outside the infirmary, your heart racing. Mark was stable, but unconscious, with deep wounds that would take time to heal. Hank had assured you that Mark would recover physically, but emotionally? That was a different story.

The mansion was eerily quiet as you waited, the halls seeming emptier than usual, though you knew that wasn’t true. Everyone was avoiding you—or rather, avoiding the fallout. Word traveled fast in the mansion, especially when Logan was involved. His violence wasn’t new, but this? Attacking Mark out of pure jealousy? It crossed a line that even the X-Men wouldn’t tolerate.

The quiet hum of footsteps caught your attention, and you turned to see Charles Xavier rolling down the hallway toward you. His face was unreadable, but there was a sadness in his eyes that cut through the tension.

“(Y/N),” he greeted softly, his voice steady but laced with concern. “I heard about what happened.”

You nodded, unable to trust your voice at first. “Mark… he didn’t deserve that.”

“No, he didn’t,” Charles agreed, stopping in front of you. “Logan has always been a complicated man, but his actions tonight… they cannot be ignored.”

You looked away, the sting of tears threatening to break through again. “What are you going to do?”

Charles was quiet for a moment, considering his words. “I’ve already spoken with Logan. He’s agreed to leave the mansion for a while—at least until we can assess the situation.”

“Leave?” you repeated, disbelief flooding through you. “You’re just… sending him away? What about what he did to Mark? He attacked him, Charles. He could’ve killed him.”

Charles sighed, a heavy sound filled with the weight of decades of making impossible decisions. “Logan isn’t himself right now. His emotional instability is dangerous, yes, but I don’t believe he’s beyond redemption. He needs time, space, and perhaps more help than we can provide here.”

Your chest tightened at his words. Part of you knew Charles was right—Logan wasn’t in control of himself. But that didn’t change the fact that he had hurt someone you cared about. Deep down, you had always known Logan was a ticking time bomb, but you hadn’t expected it to explode like this.

“Where is he now?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“He’s in his room, packing,” Charles said quietly. “He’ll be leaving by morning.”

You nodded, though it didn’t feel like enough. Logan leaving didn’t fix the mess he had made—it didn’t heal Mark or undo the damage he had caused. But it was a start. A temporary solution to a much bigger problem.

“I need to talk to him,” you said, the words coming out before you had fully processed them.

Charles hesitated, his brows furrowing in concern. “Are you sure that’s wise, (Y/N)? Logan is volatile right now, and—”

“I have to,” you interrupted, your voice firmer this time. “I need closure. I need him to understand that this can’t go on.”

Charles studied you for a long moment before nodding. “Very well. Just… be careful.”

You didn’t wait for anything else. You turned and headed toward Logan’s room, your footsteps echoing in the empty halls. Each step felt heavier than the last, your heart pounding in your chest. You knew this confrontation was going to be difficult, but it was necessary. You couldn’t live with this looming over you anymore.

When you reached Logan’s door, it was slightly ajar. The light inside was dim, casting long shadows across the room. You could hear the faint sound of him moving about, packing his things into a worn-out duffel bag.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open fully and stepped inside.

Logan didn’t look up at first. He was hunched over, his hands shoving clothes into the bag with an almost mechanical precision. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched, and the air around him felt thick with barely-contained rage.

“Logan.”

He froze at the sound of your voice, his back still turned to you. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. Then, slowly, he straightened up, his fists tightening at his sides.

“I figured you’d come,” he muttered, his voice rough.

You closed the door behind you, trying to steady your nerves. “What the hell were you thinking?” The words came out sharper than you intended, but the anger bubbling inside you couldn’t be contained any longer.

Logan finally turned to face you, his eyes dark and wild. “What was I thinking? I was thinking I’m sick of watching you run around with that punk.”

“You nearly killed him,” you snapped, your voice trembling with fury. “This isn’t about Mark, Logan. This is about you losing control, again.”

Logan growled low in his throat, taking a step toward you. “I didn’t lose control. I knew exactly what I was doing.”

“That’s even worse,” you shot back, crossing your arms as you glared at him. “You don’t get to hurt people just because you’re angry. You don’t get to—”

“I don’t get to what?” Logan interrupted, his voice rising, the anger spilling out now. “I don’t get to be pissed off that the woman I love is parading around with some other guy? I don’t get to be mad that you’ve replaced me like I’m nothing?”

Your heart clenched at his words, but you refused to back down. “You’re not nothing, Logan. You were never nothing. But this… this isn’t love. This is obsession. And it’s destroying you.”

Logan’s face twisted with a mixture of anger and pain, and for a brief moment, you saw the man you used to know—the one who was capable of love, not just rage.

“You don’t understand,” he muttered, his voice cracking. “I was ready to spend my life with you, sweetheart. I would have done anything for you.”

“I know,” you whispered, your voice softening just a little. “I know, Logan. But that’s not enough anymore. We’re not those people anymore.”

Logan’s fists clenched and unclenched, his entire body tense with barely-restrained fury. “I can’t just walk away, (Y/N). I can’t let you go.”

“You have to,” you said firmly, taking a step closer to him. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to destroy yourself—and everyone around you.”

Logan’s breathing was ragged now, his chest heaving with the effort of holding himself together. He looked at you, and for a moment, you saw the cracks in his armor—the vulnerability, the heartbreak. But then, just as quickly, the anger returned.

“I won’t apologize for what I did to him,” Logan growled, his eyes flashing with defiance. “He was in the way.”

You shook your head, tears stinging your eyes. “You don’t get to decide that, Logan. You don’t get to decide who’s in my life.”

For a long moment, the two of you stood there in silence, the weight of everything that had happened hanging heavy in the air. You could see the internal battle raging inside him—the war between the man you once loved and the beast he had become.

Finally, Logan let out a harsh breath, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I’m leaving,” he said quietly, his voice void of the usual bravado. “But this isn’t over, darlin’. Not by a long shot.”

You swallowed hard, feeling the finality of his words. “I hope you find peace, Logan,” you whispered, barely able to meet his gaze. “For your sake.”

Logan didn’t respond. He just grabbed his duffel bag and walked past you, his presence leaving a cold emptiness in the room.

As the door clicked shut behind him, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders—but the ache in your chest remained.

🏷️: @twinky-wink @fidgetingbee @astarions-girl-dinner @layladestiny8 @birdy-bat-writes @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @boomveronika @wolviesgirl @slowlikehoneyyy @lanabobana @shybluebirdninja @corvusmorte @seamlessepiphany

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[verstappensrealwife]

Cellophane - Charles Leclerc x Reader

angst, fluff.

approx. 1000 words

warnings : I wanted to do a pure angst but i just couldn’t, reader falls over, breakup (beginning) ¿happy? ending I guess. Use of Y/N, Y/L/N.

Can’t decide if I like this but I need to post 🥱

charles leclerc masterlist - here. f1 masterlist - here.

— September, 2023

The hate online isn’t nearly what made your heart into a thousand pieces, it was the lack of support from the one man you wanted support from.

“Why won’t you do this for me?” You asked Charles, a hushed tone of voice. “I- You can’t just ask them to stop?” You were almost begging for him to just… care.

“I can’t!” He shouted back- a harsh contrast to your own tone- “Fuck- You know this! They’re my fans!”

“And them telling me to die is what? Fan behaviour?”

He sat in agonizing silence, every word you spoke cutting deep because he knew you were right. But the thought of admitting it, of crumbling under the weight of his own mistakes, was unbearable. 

So, he clung desperately to his fragile pride, refusing to apologize, even as guilt gnawed at him.

“If you can’t handle it anymore, you…” His voice faltered, the words catching in his throat like shards of glass.

He couldn’t finish, and you could see the unspoken truth hanging between you, heavy and inevitable.

“I should what, Charles?” You demanded, your voice sharp and trembling. “Say it.”

His breath hitched as he forced the words out, each one laced with regret. “We… we shouldn’t be together.”

The confirmation of your darkest suspicions sent a wave of anguish crashing over you. Tears welled in your eyes, and you tipped your head back, desperately fighting them off before regaining just enough composure to meet his gaze.

“You’re a coward, Charles,” you spat, the accusation dripping with bitterness. Without waiting for a response, you spun on your heel, snatching your keys from the table by the door. The slam of the door echoed through the apartment, a final, resounding note to the shattered remains of what once was.

— April, 2024

“Come onnnn, it’ll be fun!” Lily exclaimed dramatically, waving the tickets in your face with a mischievous grin.

“Lily… he’ll be there,” you murmured, the hesitation clear in your voice.

Lily Muni He, your best friend and eternal partner in crime, rolled her eyes playfully. “And so will like ten other single drivers,” she shot back with a smirk, “Plus, a ton of rich, single men,” she added, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

You couldn’t help but laugh, giving her a gentle shove. “Fine, fine, I’ll come,” you groaned, snatching the paddock pass from her hand.

“For you, Lily— not the men!”

Saturday, 25th May 2024

Monte Carlo, Monaco.

The first few days had passed without a glimpse of him, and for that, you were grateful. Today felt promising, the crisp morning air in Monaco filling you with a rare sense of optimism. You decided to start your day with a leisurely walk through the city, a few good hours before qualifying, giving you plenty of time to grab breakfast and soak in the peaceful atmosphere.

But, of course, fate had other plans.

“Leo!” a familiar voice called out, breaking through your thoughts. You turned just in time to see Charles sprinting around the corner, chasing after his little dog, the leash flapping uselessly behind him as Leo seized the opportunity to dart away.

And then, before you could react, Charles collided with you, sending you sprawling onto the pavement with a startled yelp. The impact knocked the breath out of you, and before you could fully process what had happened, you felt a warm, wet tongue eagerly licking your ear and jaw. You couldn’t help but huff out a laugh as you sat up, only to find Leo wagging his tail furiously, clearly pleased with himself.

“I—I am so sorry,” Charles stammered, thrusting his hand out toward you. That’s when you looked up and met his eyes, and the surprise and awkwardness on his face softened a little. “Y/N?”

You hesitated for a moment, then chose to stand up on your own, brushing off the lingering embarrassment. “Charles,” you greeted, your voice tinged with awkwardness.

“S-sorry—he—he just ran off…” Charles fumbled, pointing to Leo, who was still beaming up at you, his tongue lolling out in delight. You noticed the slight stutter in Charles’ voice—something he never did in front of anyone. Then again, you weren’t just anyone.

“It’s fine,” you said, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “Not the first time you’ve embarrassed me.” You teased, watching as Charles forced a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m joking,” you added quickly. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, good!” Charles responded a little too quickly. “I got a dog!” he announced proudly, then blushed as he realized how obvious that was. “But, uh, you can see that.” He laughed, a little sheepish.

“How about you? Boyfriend?” he asked suddenly, the question tumbling out before he could stop it. It was a little inappropriate, but the curiosity—no, the longing—was clear in his eyes.

You offered a shy smile, shaking your head. “No… I did, but we broke up.”

“Oh?” Charles tried to sound casual, though he already knew about your ex—he might have checked your Instagram a few times. “How come?”

You sighed softly, glancing away before quietly admitting, “He wasn’t you…”

A slow, hopeful smile spread across Charles’ face. It might have been a little insensitive to feel happy about your breakup, but he didn’t care. Maybe, just maybe, you still loved him.

“I can be better,” he blurted out, his voice tinged with desperation. “I—please…” He sighed, the words hanging in the air between you.

You looked at him, your heart caught between old memories and new possibilities. “Qualify P1, and I’ll take you up on your offer,” you said, a small smile playing on your lips.

Charles grinned, hope flickering in his eyes. Maybe this time, things could be different.

[dixons-sunshine]

Scooby Snacks with your Whiskey | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

*GIF isn't mine*

Summary: One night when you couldn't sleep, you decided to join Daryl in the guard tower and keep him company. During a game of truth or drink, Daryl unknowingly insulted your favourite childhood cartoon, which resulted in playful arguments, accidentally shattered whiskey bottles and confessions.

Genre: Fluff

Era: Prison, post season 3, pre season 4

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, sexual innuendos but nothing major.

Word count: 3.7k

A/n: This is based off of what Daryl told Beth in s4 episode 12 right before they set the cabin on fire. He was talking about a cartoon about a talking dog, and my mind instantly went to Scooby Doo, and so this fic was born. It's not really good, since I'm still trying to get into the writing momentum, but I hope you enjoy!

Also, my requests are open for any TWD requests if y'all wanna send any!

—

"Hey. Would you mind some company?"

At the sound of your voice, Daryl turned around. He hummed and nodded for you to come closer, to which you complied. You stood beside him in silence, quietly observing the walkers at the fences. Unbeknownst to you, Daryl was stealing glances at you, his hands fidgeting with his crossbow string.

His heart fluttered at the sight of you, a regular thing that happened whenever he was in your general area. You looked up at him with that smile that always made butterflies fly around in his stomach and your eyes always seemed to sparkle brighter than the stars in the night sky, and although Daryl liked the quiet away from everyone, you were one of his only exceptions.

Daryl loved hearing you talk. He loved listening to you talk about your life before and although he wouldn't admit it, he was always captivated by the bedtime stories you told little Judith. The way you changed your voice to match the emotion of the part you were telling, even though Judith didn't understand anyway and would react the same regardless, was enchanting to him. He would listen to you talk for hours if he could.

And above all, he loved your caring yet badass nature. The way you would take down walkers with a skilled ease, and then in the same breath turn to him and check him for any injuries with a concerned look on your face made him feel drawn to you. You actually cared about him, in a way nobody ever had. Daryl didn't believe that anything was perfect, but you were the closest thing to perfect there was.

It also didn't help that you were absolutely breathtaking to him. From the beautiful colour of your eyes to your perfectly plump lips that he's wanted to kiss on more occasions than one. Daryl couldn't define how he felt about you because he never felt this way about anyone before, but he knew his feelings for you ran deeper than what could be described as platonic. And that fact scared him.

A soft sigh from you snapped Daryl from his thoughts. He looked over at you and noticed that you seemed to be deep in thought, a small frown on your face as you kept your eyes trailed on the ground below.

"Penny for yer thoughts?" Daryl prompted, instantly gaining your attention. Your eyes trailed over to him and his heart skipped a beat at the smile you gave him.

"Just thinking," you responded nonchalantly, shaking your head in dismissal. You pushed away from the railing you were leaning over and turned your body fully to look at Daryl.

Daryl hummed softly, his eyes trailing over you before shifting back to look at the fences. "Ya wanna talk 'bout it?" He questioned.

"It's stupid."

"Ain't stupid if it's botherin' ya," he retorted, turning his body to fully face you as well.

You sighed before shaking your head. "It's just... I'm thinking about my mom. The last thing we did before all of this was fight over something stupid and now..." You trailed off, suddenly feeling awkward under the archer's stare.

"Ya think she didn't make it?" He finished for you, giving you a knowing look.

"I know she didn't make it. She was diagnosed with cancer about two weeks before all of this started, and there aren't exactly doctors around who could've helped her," you responded, awkwardly fidgeting with your fingers.

"'M sorry to hear tha'. This world jus' ain't meant for people with sicknesses like tha'," Daryl said, and mentally kicked himself for saying that. There you were, confiding in him over something serious and that's the best he could come up with? He felt like a perfect fool.

However, instead of being angry at him, you looked at him with a small smile, much to his surprise. "Yeah," you started. "I just hope that she didn't suffer. She was a good woman."

"Were ya close?" Daryl asked, his blue eyes meeting your beautiful ones. He hoped that he wasn't prying, but he wanted to know more about you, the woman who haunted his thoughts 24/7.

You nodded. "We were."

"Ya make a lot of good memories with her?"

You laughed lightly, surprising the archer. "What is this, 20 questions?"

Daryl frowned. "What?"

"20 questions," you repeated, noting that your repetition didn't spark recognition in the archer's eyes. "It's a game you play with your friends at parties, sleepovers, you name it. You all take turns asking each other any questions you want."

"Never heard of it," Daryl said, shrugging his shoulders. He felt awkward under your intense stare, your eyes widened with surprise.

You softly gasped in surprise. Then, an idea struck you. "Wait here."

"It's my shift," he stated matter-of-factly. "Ain't goin' nowhere until dawn."

"Perfect."

With one last look at Daryl, you climbed down from the guard tower, excitedly rushing into the cellblock and into your cell. You bent down in front of your bed and retrieved what you were looking for; a bottle of whiskey you found on a run. With a renewed excitement, you gripped the bottle tightly and headed back up to the guard tower, finding Daryl waiting patiently.

Daryl glanced at the bottle in your hand and looked at you questioningly. "Where'd ya find tha'?" He asked, watching you approach with a slight smile on his face. He could practically see your excitement, the big smile on your face infectious.

"On a run a couple of weeks ago. I've been waiting for the right moment to open it, and the right moment has now presented itself," you said, sitting cross-legged on the floor and motioning for Daryl to do the same.

"How so?" He questioned, following your lead by sitting down on the ground in front of you. He kept his eyes trailed on you, watching your every move.

"Well, I was gonna suggest we play 20 questions, but I don't wanna force you into answering a question you don't want to, so we're gonna play truth or drink instead. We ask questions back and forth, and if we don't wanna answer the question that was asked, we drink. It's as simple as that."

"And I dun' got any say in if I wanna play or not?" Daryl asked, a small, teasing smile on his face. His smile turned into something more genuine when you let out a light laugh.

"Nope!" You laughed, opening the bottle and placing it in between the two of you. "You wanna start?"

Daryl hesitated, pursing his lips. "I dun' know wha' to ask."

"Anything. There are no wrong questions," you reassured him, leaning back on the palm of your hands.

"Alrigh'," he drawled, unsure of himself. "Wha' was yer favourite movie before all of this?"

"There you go," you praised him with a smile, making Daryl duck his head as heat flushed his face. "To be honest, I don't really know. I watched a lot of movies, so I don't think I can narrow it down to one. But I have a couple of favourites. The Breakfast Club and Back to the Future are two of them."

Daryl nodded, absentmindedly chewing on his thumbnail. "Now 's yer turn, righ'?" He questioned.

"Yeah," you confirmed. After a couple of beats of silence, you voiced your question. "Who was your first kiss?"

Daryl shifted awkwardly, embarrassment filling his body. "I honestly dun' remember her name. It was some girl in a dive bar Merle used to drag me to. She was drunk and I was helpin' her to her car when she turned around and kissed me."

"How old were you?" You asked, genuinely interested. Daryl rarely talked about his past, so when he did, you ingrained every piece of what he said into your mind.

"Nah, 's my turn to ask the questions. Wait yer turn," he joked, eliciting a laugh from you.

"Touché, Dixon, touché. Ask away."

Daryl chewed on his bottom lip, a habit you noticed he unknowingly did whenever he was thinking. You found it absolutely endearing, but the more you thought about it, the more you realised that you found most things about the archer endearing. The way he fiddled with his bolts whenever he was bored, the way he flicked his hair out of his face with the shake of his head, his small smile—you could go on a rant about his smile, and you have before. Michonne happened to be the victim who was forced to listen to your lovesick rambling in the car on your way back from the same run you'd gotten the whiskey from.

Begrudgingly snapping yourself out of your thoughts, you patiently waited for Daryl to continue the game. Feeling your stare on him, he asked the first thing that popped to mind, and instantly wished he didn't.

"Who was yer first sex partner?"

A nervous laugh bubbled out of you, heat creeping up your cheeks at a rapid pace. Daryl felt his own face flush, feeling stupid for asking the question.

"Sorry. Ya dun' have to answer tha'," he apologised, his eyes darting to the floor.

"No, it's okay. Like I said, no wrong questions. Besides, if I don't answer, I have to drink," you said, trying to compose yourself. You took a deep breath. Of all the things you thought you'd be doing tonight, you didn't think you'd be discussing who your first intimate partner was with the guy you had feelings for. "My highschool boyfriend, senior year."

Daryl nodded and left it at that. He leaned back on his hands, watching you carefully. He was surprised that you'd actually answered the question, given the personal privacy boundaries he pushed. He silently promised himself that whatever personal question you asked him, he would answer.

"What's the most petty fight you've ever gotten into because of Merle?" you questioned, looking at him expectantly.

Daryl stayed quiet for a few moments, thinking hard about his answer. "It was with this one guy. He was Merle's dealer. He was a small, janky white guy. We were over at his house one day, jus' loungin' around and watchin' TV, some stupid kids show playin'. It was barely noon, we were all wasted and Merle was high. Merle decided to take a piss outta the show, and when he started, he wouldn't let up. He never could when he was high."

Daryl stopped for a moment, collecting his thoughts while your gaze remained fixated on him. You seemed genuinely interested in the story, your eyes sparkling with wonder. Your lips were slightly parted and it took everything in Daryl not to act on his urge to kiss your pretty lips.

"It turns out, the cartoon was the guy's favourite show, and he got hella pissed 'bout it. 'M pretty sure Merle didn't know it was the guy's favourite show. I mean, he never saw the guy except when he needed somethin', but tha' didn't matter. The guy punched Merle in the face, and tha's when I got into the fight. 'M on this guy and 'm punchin' him as hard as I can, but then the guy pulls a gun on me, sticks it righ' against my head and threatens to shoot me."

"Oh, god," you murmured, slightly horrified.

"Yeah," Daryl nodded, seemingly unfazed at your reaction. "Tha's when Merle pulls out his gun and points it at the guy. At this point, everyone's yellin', I'm yellin'... I thought I was gonna die tha' day."

"How'd you get out of it?" You asked, bringing your knees up to rest your head on them.

"I didn't. The guy ended up punchin' me in the gut and I puked on the floor. They both started laughin' at me and everythin' was magically over," Daryl said, shaking his head at the memory. "And to think that happened over some dumbass cartoon about a talkin' dog."

You visibly stiffened, and this caught Daryl's attention. "Wha'? Wha's wrong?"

"Talking dog..." You trailed off, your eyebrows furrowing. "Did the dog happen to be a Great Dane? And his owner was this guy in a green shirt and brown pants with messy hair?"

Daryl pursed his lips, thinking for a moment before nodding. "Yeah. There were other people, too. Two women and a guy with an ascot."

"Scooby Doo," you stated plainly, giving the archer a playful glare.

"Wha'?" He asked, confusion evident on his face.

"Scooby Doo," you repeated, waving your hand nonchalantly. "That's the cartoon you were talking about. The cartoon you called dumb."

"Yeah, 's 'cus it was. Can't believe anybody actually liked tha' crap."

"Daryl Dixon, how dare you?" You laughed, your eyes widened in surprise. "Scooby Doo is a national treasure! He was part of my childhood and now you're insulting him? I don't think we can be friends anymore."

Daryl chuckled at you, rolling his eyes at your theatrics. "From wha' I saw, the dog and his owner were cowards. Runnin' away, screamin', from fake ghosts after how many years of encounterin' them and knowin' tha' ghosts aren't real but they still think they are? It's stupid as shit, and I ain't apologising for thinkin' tha'."

"You're a disgrace!" You laughed, trying to sound angry but miserably failing. "You're telling me that, real or not, if a ghost was chasing you that you wouldn't run away?"

"Tha's righ'," he nodded, before gesturing to the walkers down at the fence. "I dun' run away from tha' shit, so I sure as hell wouldn't be runnin' away from fake ass ghosts."

"I can't believe you," you said, shaking your head in mock disappointment. "This is the worst betrayal ever. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget this. We won't be able to go back to being friends because of this. This is terrible."

"Stop," he laughed quietly, his eyes twinkling with a rare occurrence of merriment. "It ain't tha' deep. I jus' dun' like it."

"Clearly you don't like it because you have bad taste," you retorted playfully.

"Well, I like ya, so do I still have bad taste?"

Silence. It was so silent, you could hear a pin drop. Any trace of the former reverie between the two of you disappeared and was instead replaced with an invisible current of electricity between you. Your breath caught in your throat at the sudden revelation from the man, and your heart sped up in your chest. The logical part of your brain told you that he meant it platonically, that he liked you the way he liked Rick or Glenn, but the optimistic part convinced you that he didn't, that your feelings weren't one-sided. That the archer might like you too.

"Probably," you finally responded, feeling your face ablaze with the heat that spread across it.

"Nah, my taste is immaculate," he replied, looking at you carefully, closely monitoring your reactions. Daryl knew that was a risky response, and he was nervous about your reaction, but he hoped for the best.

You gulped nervously. Daryl's response made your stomach do somersaults and your heart pound at the speed of light.

"Yeah? I still think your taste is shit," you finally managed to respond, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. Sometimes you wondered if Daryl knew what effect he had on you. If he knew how many nights dreams of him plagued your mind.

Daryl's chuckle broke the tension between you, and you felt like you could breathe again.

"Whatever ya say." Daryl took the bottle from the middle and took the first swig since the game started. Your eyes drifted to the trickle of whiskey that spilt from the bottle and trickled down his lips and chin, and you had the sudden urge to lean forward and kiss the spill away.

"You don't like Scooby Doo. That automatically means that you have shitty taste," you retorted, your breathing slightly heavier than before.

You leaned forward to take the bottle from him, but he held it out of your reach. You looked at him in confusion but he simply smirked at you, getting up from his position on the ground to stand tall over you.

"Daryl," you warned, laughing as you got up as well. "It's my whiskey. Give it back."

"Nah, I think Imma hold on to it," he said playfully, holding the bottle above his head. He laughed at you when you jumped to try and grab it from his hands.

"Daryl!" You exclaimed with a laugh, trying everything to retrieve the bottle, but to no avail. "Come on, don't be so mean!"

"Ya said I had terrible taste. Well, I like this whiskey, so tha' means it must be terrible as well, since I like it, so ya probably won't like it," he responded playfully, his eyes alight with mischief.

One final jump to grab it proved to be the wrong move. You accidentally slipped when your feet hit the ground, sending you falling onto Daryl. The archer reacted swiftly, dropping the bottle to to catch you with both hands. The bottle shattered on the ground instantly while you and Daryl toppled onto the floor, the force from your fall catching him off guard. Daryl layed flat on his back with you on top of him, his hands still on your waist from when he tried to steady you before you fell.

You looked into Daryl's ocean coloured eyes and felt your heart speed up. Daryl's eyes darted to your lips for a second before going back to your eyes, but you had caught him. In a sudden burst of confidence, you lowered your face and crashed your lips onto his, catching him off guard for the second time that night.

Daryl stiffened for a moment, surprised at the unexpected action from you, but soon relaxed and slowly kissed you back. He brought one of his hands to the back of your head and drew you closer, his lips slowly moving against yours. His other hand hesitantly trailed from your waist to the small of your back, gently moving over the exposed skin from the ride up of your shirt.

The kiss ended too prematurely for your taste, but oxygen was still a necessity. You slowly pulled back, looking into his eyes with surprise and delight. Daryl looked back at you in adoration.

"Wha' was tha' fer?" He whispered breathlessly, his chest heaving slightly.

"Just because," you replied honestly, still baffled at the fact that you had just kissed Daryl, surprised that you had mustered up the courage to do so in a matter of seconds.

"Well, if ya think tha's gonna prove to me tha' my taste is shit, then yer gonna need to try somethin' different. Tha' didn't work. If anythin', it jus' proved to me tha' my taste is amazin'."

You laughed and shook your head. "You talking about me or Scooby Doo?"

Daryl started sitting up, making you slide down his stomach to sit in his lap. "Definitely ya," he responded, wrapping his arms around you.

"So, you like like me, huh, Dixon?" You teased, linking your arms around his neck.

Daryl hummed and gave you a small smirk. "Mhm," he hummed, giving you a soft peck on the lips. "Wish I'd known tha' talkin' shit 'bout some cartoon dog would make this happen. Woulda done it a lot sooner."

"Don't you ever talk shit about that dog in my presence ever again," you warned with a playful glare, eliciting a chuckle from the archer.

"Jus' to be sure, this means somethin', righ'?" He asked, his tone turning serious. A look of doubt spread across his face. "This wasn't jus' a heat of the moment thing for ya?"

You shook your head, bringing one of your hands to cup his cheek. "Did you mean it? That you like me? And I don't mean in a platonic way."

"I did," he confirmed, leaning into your touch.

"That's good," you said with a small, shy smile. "Because I like you too. Even if you have crappy taste."

Daryl's eyes filled with relief and he let out a small laugh before leaning in to kiss you again. The kiss was brief, but it was sweet and tender. When he pulled away, he brought a hand up to push your hair out of your face.

"Never thought this would happen. I thought ya dun' like me like tha'."

You leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "No more of that. I don't plan on letting you go now that I have you, Daryl Dixon. You're stuck with me."

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, 'm stuck." With that, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours in a feverish kiss. He flipped you over so that you were on your back, making you giggle against his lips.

You were definitely thankful for Scooby Doo and that whiskey bottle right now.