#abusive parent mention

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

For the OC meet and greet, I'm going to give you one hell of a challenge >:)

TW | cancer mention, abusive parent mention, past child abuse, brief mention of self harm and suicidal ideation, noncon body modification

I want to know how your characters would handle Luca. They're very small (all of 5'0" and 95lbs on a good day) and are one of the most terrifying whumpers in my cast. White-blond hair, chillingly pale blue eyes. Even though they're pushing 30, they constantly get mistaken as a child by strangers. Their pretty, doll-like features don't help.

They come from my Liliholm and Page universe (superhero whump to anyone unfamiliar), and have the ability to heal almost any wound they themself inflict on another person. Those same powers will heal their own wounds whether they want them to or not. The kicker? All the pain they would go through for their body to heal that wound themself—all those months of aching and misery—still have to be felt in the matter of seconds it takes them to heal. They themself are nigh indestructible. Their employer uses them as a torturer. Not for information, but as punishment for political and social adversaries that step too far out of line. They are very, very good at their job, and very well feared by the people in their circle.

They're abrasive, bitter, and aggressive in just about every sense of the word. They currently only have three people in the world they care about: their partner in crime, Garcia; their "handler", Leon Molinaro, who is responsible for making sure they don't maim anyone their employer wouldn't approve of; and their horribly abusive mother who they're trying to keep alive through her chemo treatments. They can't stand to be touched by anyone, and are VIOLENTLY sex-repulsed. Even the people in their life that they give a shit about are kept at arm's length and then some.

Beneath that surface, you've got someone who has been abused their entire life, is being manipulated by their father-figure employer into believing he actually cares about them, and who has been unsuccessfully suicidal for decades. There's also a particularly nasty little rumor about them—that Luca is actually a eunuch. How that might have happened is anyone's guess, but if it's true, it certainly wasn't voluntary.

In their home universe, the only one brave enough to truly adopt them is Leon. Would anyone in your universe take them on?

Hmmmmm look. Am I on a Hilton kick? Yes I am but ironically enough it’s Hilton’s world that has my healing character (Parker is floating around somewhere). Griffin, Hilton’s Carewhumper, could most likely keep them in line. He’s an undercover agent.

Griffin can read people’s body language and expressions so well it’s practically impossible to lie to him. He also had a shit family so it’s not a world unknown to him.

There’s also Trevor, who is Griffin’s boss (the one griffin is trying to take down). The thing with Trevor is that his touch is addictive. Makes anyone he interacts literally crave his presence and attention. I’m super curious how they would work out if Luca is touch adverse and heals. Would it work? It would not be fun for anyone involved the first time.

Yeah Griffin is Luca’s best bet. He’d likely the be the one with enough personal experience to be able to ignore the agression and get pushed away. He’d have to keep Luca and Hilton COMPLETELY SEPARATED though because holy shit that would be bad. They would hate each other to the bone. Even when they’re older, Hilton “adopts” Parker, my healing OC, and would do everything in his power to keep them away from Luca from fear Parker would end up even more traumatized then they already are. Idk if Luca would even want to interact with them, but Hilton would literally attack if they tried and now there’s a whole new mess lol.

Other than that? I have a weird gut feeling Luca and Tool would get along okay. Can’t put my finger on it but I just feel like they’d find common ground and weirdly get along.

Luca would tear Brody to fucking shreds lmao.

[grapefruitpeelz]

coool cool cool cool. so my dad let my abusive mom know the exact second I got home so she could come and force me to say hello and happy birthday . very sick very fun . anyway this is me encouraging all of u out there to go out and traumatize your abusive parents back by growing as a person

[incognitopolls]

"Abusive" includes forms of abuse like physical, mental, emotional, or any other form.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

Friendly reminder that "I bought you nice things", "I gave you food and a roof over your head" and "I've never hit/physically hurt you" does not justify emotional abuse, neglect or parentification.

And if when being confronted they make you feel guilty and get defensive and passive aggressive saying some variant of "Oh well I must've been such a terrible parent!" and tell you how they bought you nice things for your birthdays and how your basic needs were met, that does not make your feelings and trauma invalid. You're not a bad person or ungrateful for feeling hurt.

[wilwheaton]

if you know this secret handshake some of us use today, i see you and i’m so sorry.

I don't celebrate Father's Day (or any other Hallmark holiday) for reasons that will not surprise you if you know anything about my life.

But I do celebrate all the other children of fuckers and pieces of shit who survived like I did, who broke the cycle of generational trauma like I and my sister did, whose mothers forced them to praise and worship their abuser "because it's father's day" like mine did, who fucking hate the endless reminders to celebrate the dad we never had (in my case, because he chose not to be a dad to me like he chose to be a dad for my brother. I guess being a bully was more satisfying to him).

I see you, friends. I see you, and I know you see me, and I am both grateful and sad. We know this secret handshake we wish we didn't know. We know a very specific kind of loss that only we know, a type of lingering pain that never really goes away entirely, that can only be reduced to part of the background noise, but can crank itself up to 11 without warning.

I just want you all to know that I see you, and I love you. I know how tough it is, how much it hurts.

I want to specifically make meaningful eye contact with all of my fellow survivors who are also dads, who show up for our kids in spite of the pain and loss. It's such a challenge, and it means so much. We broke the cycle and that is massive. I'm so proud of us.

[furiousgoldfish]

I have an update about this situation, which if you didn't read it, was about me finding out that my parents are searching for me, going door to door and asking people on the street if they know me, even asking with my fake name. They found someone who did know me, and they chatted, and this person later called me and told me what had happened, to which I freaked out, asked them not to share any details about me, and explained that I had ran away due to violence and that I'm terrified of these people.

Now knowing that my parents are out there looking for me, I spent the next few weeks locked in, afraid to go out, only going to work and back, and sometimes disguised so I wouldn't be recognized. I didn't run into anyone on the street, nobody came to my door, I didn't get any other phone calls, so I eventually relaxed and decided that it was okay to be outside, even if they are looking, unless they find me directly where I live, I could easily escape on bike, and they wouldn't know where I went.

The other day I got the phone call from the person who talked to my parents, and they asked me to come over, to be gifted some extra clothing. I was scared, worried that it was a trap, that my parents somehow got this person to cooperate and to bring me to them, but I decided to be brave and go anyway, since the chance of this was very low, and on the phone they reassured me that I could forget that last situation. Still, when I got there I startedly looked around to see if anyone was in there, but it was all empty.

I got some extra details of what happened; it was my mother and a friend looking for me, my father was not present. This person admitted to actually knowing me, and where I live, so my parents know someone who is in contact with me right now. However the person didn't share my address with them, which is why I was still safe.

Then the person revealed they actually got a call from my mother later that day, and they had an argument over the phone. The person repeated what I had told them – that I ran because of violence, because I was forced to work to deserve to eat and sleep there, because of death threats, torture, neglect, and my mother responded angrily 'You don't know what kind of trouble they were causing me!'. Then my mother still tried to convince this person that she cares about me and is worried about me, but the person rebutted with 'you should have cared when they were younger', and when my mother wouldn't stop asking for information, the person said that if she calls again, the police will be called and hung up.

Now this was very interesting to me, firstly my mother getting a police threat upon trying to find me, that is extremely good, satisfying, reassuring, positive, made me so happy. I was in a good mood for the rest of the day just thinking about what kind of reality-check that must have been, to have other people threaten with police and stand in their way of getting to me. I feel it was the first time someone actively protected me and it feels like I've been waiting my whole life for that to happen, and I never thought it would.

Second thing is her 'you don't know what kind of trouble they were causing', because she wasn't even denying the accusations of violence and torture! She blatantly did admit that yes, I had to work to deserve to live as a child, I was beaten, neglected, I was threatened death, I was kept in sub-human conditions, but she just felt it was justified! Because I was 'causing trouble', which is a lie, I did everything she asked me when I was a kid. It's like she still thinks me standing up to her violent abusive husband was 'me causing trouble' excuse me why did you marry that thing, and then never stood up to it? I had more backbone as a child than she has as an adult and this was 'me causing trouble'. I stood up to him because it was the right thing to do, because he was attacking me and my siblings, what do you mean I was causing trouble defending rest of the family from violence and absorbing it so the rest of you wouldn't have to. Ungrateful lying coward.

And also her saying I was the awful troublemaker doesn't check out with the rest of her story; if I was such a menace why is she out there looking for me? Why is she not blessed that I am gone and she can finally enjoy your life? Would you actively seek out someone you have to control with death threats from how much trouble they're causing to you? The lie is falling apart.

This has me very calmed down and grateful that not all people are cowards and unwilling to stand up to abusers. I've never seen this before, in my experience, people were always ready to bow down to my parents and see me as an ungrateful horrid creature who needs to be put into their place. This person has known me enough to see that I'm honest, fair, hardworking, kind, accommodating, they even told me that they can see there's nothing twisted about me. They understood that my situation is one of a struggle and that I have to work hard to survive, and often expressed that I struggle too much compared to others. And this isn't someone I'm on constant contact with, we talk once a year. I was surprised they picked up on this much.

I'm feeling better about the situation now I understand I was defended, I'm not that afraid anymore. I did get upset that my mother is trying to convince people that I was just so bad I deserved all, but at least not everyone believes it. I mean, it's ridiculous for anyone to believe a child could possibly deserve this, but I know a lot of people who do believe that. I thought everyone would side with my parents forever. Feeling better knowing there's one person who sided with me, when it was crucial for my safety.

[hajihiko]

Family Business

[schnuffel-danny]

trying to do an infographic of my headcanons of Jack/Vlad pre-college 😅

it was Them VS The World for years and then Vlad had to go on and die in a freak accident and ruin everything smh 😒

oops they really are just OCs at this point aren't they....

[neurodivergentaf]

it's so wild when your parent changes when you become an adult. my dad is very cordial and non confrontational - he regularly helps me with adult stuff like changing the oil or providing insurance tips. he's always smiling when i call him on video and providing jokes when i complain about college

when i was a kid, i would have to tiptoe around his anger issues often, sometimes running quietly past his work table until he got his own place completely separate from our family, locked away for days. every so often he would start screaming in the car and trying to hit me or my brother for talking too loud while my mom attempted to calm him down as he swerved on the road. and now he, smiling, helps me with car insurance.

like oh, this is just who you are when you have power over someone, and this is who you are when you dont have power over someone. no wonder you can have a normal life, friends, work while scaring the shit out of your kids and wife. i see it now. i see why no one would have believed me. that, i think, is one of the core fears of trauma - seeing the outside of it from the perspective of other adults that brushed you aside, and understanding. of course, that understanding gives the opposite of solace; it just gives you more grief with nowhere for it to go

[punkstylerecovery]

Generally speaking, your parents often owe you a lot more than you're taught to believe. A lot of people are raised to believe that parents do not really owe you that much beyond food and shelter and that's not true. In fact, you can have parents who give you food, shelter, patience and kindness and STILL deserve more from them.

By being your parents, they've accepted a very special relationship and amount of responsibility for you. Do you know how many people I know whose parents have never genuinely apologized to them? How many people’s parents physically hurt them, how many people’s parents mock their insecurities, how many people’s parents don’t care for their children’s health, how many parents make their children (intentionally or otherwise) want to die? 

And so many people don’t give a fuck. We’re raised in cultures that more often than not treat us to respect our parents in spite of most anything while also teaching everyone that children don’t deserve shit. We’re raised in cultures that more often than not teach us to “respect our parents” in spite of most anything while also teaching everyone that children don’t really deserve shit. It varies but its so common that lots of people don’t even think twice about it. 

But children DO deserve more than they’re generally given. So much more! And so many things that are literally just abusive are considered normal parenting all around the world and that’s vile, especially considering children are the most severely affected by this and have no “societal power” to wield to put a stop to it beyond what they can scramble together through a combination of sheer determination, shock value, strength and fucking luck. 

Not to sound radical, but I think we owe children a fuck ton more than they’re being given now and I think people need to learn so much more about abuse and how that ties into the common underplaying of what we’re owed in parent/child relationships. 

[tarucore]

screenshotting this one bc I can acknowledge that I’ve got shipper goggles on and op isn’t about that life which is fair but

I feel like batfam fans misunderstand the term parentification a lot and conflate it with Dick filling a parental role for his siblings, which might be part of the “oldest daughter syndrome” that’s so often pinned on him but that isn’t what parentification actually means

If I say that Dick Grayson was parentified, then that isn’t referring to him taking care of his siblings, it refers to the way Bruce treated him. As someone capable of taking care of his emotional needs and not as the child in need of care in the relationship

Parentification is a term that’s been around for decades, and while having to care for younger siblings might be a part of the definition, it focuses mostly on the role reversal of the parent-child dynamic. I’m not going to get into the psychology of it but being parentified has very little to do with if he actually acted as a parent for his siblings and everything to do with if he acted as a parent for Bruce

This is honestly why I prefer the term spouseification, which is less ambiguous than the term parentification and I feel accurately describes their “equal” relationship and the type of emotional abuse that Dick went through

Also from what I’ve read, Dick doesn’t act as a parental figure for any of his siblings except for Damian. While he might have given extra emotional support to Tim due to Bruce being Bruce, Dick still fits solidly into an older brother role. I’m not even going to touch on Dick’s relationship with Jason which is too weak to even be considered fraternal never mind parental

[arcanecalligrapher]

Outrageous and Terrifying

Have you ever had one of those days where the universe just suddenly takes a massive dump on someone you care deeply for who has been struggling through an awful situation?

That was yesterday for us.

Romana is a twenty-one year old computer science student, coming up on two years into her degree. She escaped her abusive, toxic, controlling parents in November 2021 and has been living peacefully, renting on her own for a year now.

Yesterday afternoon, her parents showed up on her doorstep with social workers and a court order for guardianship. They ordered her into their car, and acted like the fact that they hadn't called the cops yet was them being nice. They guilt-tripped her about how much they missed her for the entire ride back to their house, and then the next morning had to be talked down from taking her phone and computer away twice.

That's what guardianship means, y'all, that she's not permitted to make property decisions. She is not permitted to live where she chooses. She is not permitted to talk to who she wishes. If she attempts to make her own decisions, she risks being held in contempt of court.

They did not serve her the required notice, nor did they serve her lawyer notice. Romana and her lawyer were not contacted by mail; were not contacted by email; and were not contacted over the phone, despite all these methods of contact having been given to her parents and their lawyers.

There was no attendable court session, where evidence could presented or witnesses could take the stand. She has not been permitted her right to look a judge in the eye and say "See for yourself. Ask me what you wish. Do I seem like I'm my own person to you?"

This happened because the justice who signed the judgment did so without reading any of it. Justice Smith did not read the application, the responses from Romana's lawyer, the capacity assessment report, or even the text of the draft judgment that was signed. How in the inkstained void does that happen?

Romana is eloquent, intelligent, and a great friend. She's been stripped of nearly every right at a moment's notice due to the selfishness of her parents. Honestly, I don't really feel comfortable referring to them as her parents, as though she were some upstart teenager depending on them for everything.

In the province of Ontario, there are two adults who want to keep a de facto prisoner and discreetly got the state to rubber stamp it. That prisoner is my friend, someone I care about deeply.

Try to imagine how that feels. Please, put yourself in Romana's shoes, trapped in that absurdist nightmare. Please try to imagine a fraction of the frustration dawning on horror, the confusion dawning on fury.

Ontario has given Romana no help to pay legal fees. There's no program that will help cover it, no charity that will pitch in. I should know. I looked. I know that sounds like an insane state of affairs, but we spent weeks looking and found nothing. She's got only the resources of a college student, barely scraping by with the help of friends, her sister, and GoFundMe.

Romana is just a person. And like any person, she just wants to live a life of basic freedom and dignity.

[furiousgoldfish]

my parents: punishing and humiliating me under duress and torture for having any kind of reaction, for crying, for complaining, for getting angry, trying to fight back, breaking down or showing any kind of pain and fear

also my parents: increasingly annoyed when they can't easily get a reaction out of me and stooping to worse and more horrid provocations and violence to still be able to get a reaction

[lulublack90]

Prompt 24 - Kid Fic

@wolfstarmicrofic July 24, word count 975

Part five of werewolf Sirius

CW - Mentions of child abuse (Not described)

Previous part First part

When they’d gotten back to the camp, Greyback had disappeared but a lot of the wolves that had been friendly to him since he got there were now keeping their distance. It was definitely because of what Greyback had said the day before. And then the whole Regulus thing. Regulus's death had been reported in the papers. Sirius had mourned him, but now there was a chance that he was still alive. Sirius slept poorly that night. He dreamed of his brother.

“Sirius, Sirius, where are you?” The worried voice of his little brother cried out in the dark. 

“Hey, hey. Shhhhh, I’m here,” Sirius soothed Regulus, slipping into his bed and cradling him against his chest. Regulus had night terrors almost nightly. Sirius normally got to Regulus’s room quicker, but his mother had punished him that afternoon when he covered for Regulus when he’d dropped a glass at lunchtime. He was so sore that he’d just fallen asleep and was woken by Regulus’s screams. He had to get Regulus to stop quickly or else their mother would come and Sirius would have to listen to Regulus’s screams without being able to help him. 

Regulus was shaking in his arms. Sirius began telling him fairy tales from a muggle book he’d read in the local library. His parents, of course, had no idea he'd even stepped foot in a muggle library, but there were only so many times he could read Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump before he went insane. Tonight’s story was about a mermaid who fell in love with a prince and traded her voice to a sea witch in exchange for legs. It did not have a happy ending, but that was muggles for you.

Regulus had fallen asleep by the end and an exhausted Sirius followed soon after. He slipped out when the birds first started chirping and went back to his own bed. 

“What do you boys have planned today?” Orion asked over the top of his newspaper when they came down for breakfast, already dressed in smart clothing befitting the young heir and his brother of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

“I thought we could go out into the gardens and identify the uses of the magical plants in the greenhouses,” Sirius said as formally as he could. He didn’t care about the plants, he wanted an excuse to be outside all day so he could teach Reggie how to fly. 

“Uh huh,” Orion raised his eyebrow. “No more than five feet off the ground and do not let your mother catch you. Ensure you are back inside and presentable before lunch is served.” Sirius and Regulus wolfed their food down and hurried outside. 

“Are we really going to fly?!” Regulus asked him excitedly. Sirius couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. 

“We are,” Regulus leapt into his arms and hugged him tightly. “You have to listen to everything I say, Reggie, okay?” Regulus dropped his feet back to the floor and nodded his head so hard his curls flew everywhere. “Good. Follow me.” 

Sirius pulled out two brooms from the small broom shed behind the greenhouses. “Okay, so first thing you have to put your hand above the broom and very clearly and confidently say ‘Up’, like this. Up,” He ordered the broom and it shot into his hand. Regulus took a deep breath and copied Sirius’s movements. 

“Up,” He said quietly. The broom didn’t move. He looked at Sirius, his eyes filling with tears. 

“Don’t worry, try again. Just be a bit more confident. You can do it, I believe in you,” Sirius ruffled Regulus’s curls. 

“Up,” Regulus repeated, his voice a little stronger. “Sirius, did you see, did you see? It moved!” The broom had rolled over. 

“Amazing, try again,” Sirius encouraged. It took a few more attempts, but finally, the broom rose to Regulus’s waiting hand.  

“Well done, Reggie. Alright, step number two. Kick off gently from the ground and we’ll hover. Be careful not to kick off too hard, or you’ll rise too high. Copy me,” Sirius barely pushed his feet from the ground and slowly rose until his toes were just brushing the grass. 

Regulus had a death grip on his broom handle, but he copied Sirius exactly and rose to the same height. Being shorter than Sirius, his feet were a bit higher off the ground than his brothers. 

“Wow, that was excellent, Reggie, I’m so proud of you. Right, you’re going to lean forward and follow me. We’ll start with a few circles.” Sirius showed him how to make the broom move, and soon they were racing around the garden having a wonderful time. 

“Boys,” Orion called them in just before lunch. He shook his head when they ran over to him after landing and putting their brooms away. He raised his wand and both boys tensed, but Orion just used Scourgify on their sweaty faces, smoothed their wayward hair and straightened their rumpled clothes. “Hurry up, your mother will be back shortly,” Orion warned, before returning to the house.  

“I love you, Sirius,” Regulus threw his arms around Sirius’s middle. 

“I love you too, Reggie,” Sirius chuckled, stroking his brother’s head. He kept an arm wrapped around him as they went to join their parents for lunch, only letting go when they were outside the dining room.

Sirius woke crying as the dream still played behind his eyes. He and Regulus had been so close when they were young, it was only when he’d left for Hogwarts and made his first-ever friends and been sorted into Gryffindor that they had begun to drift apart, and it had only gotten worse over the years.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll find him,” Remus whispered lovingly into his ear, pulling him closer and lulling him back to sleep. 

Next part

[five-flavor-soup]

I personally think that basing your interpretation of how Ursa treated Azula on Zuko’s memories shown in ‘Zuko Alone’ is kind… incorrect. You can obviously — they’re the only real images of their childhood we get in the cartoon, other than the tiniest of snapshots in sepia — and that’s fine, but for me personally I just don’t think they’re complete enough.

These memories are from Zuko’s perspective. Not Ursa’s, not Azula’s, not Ozai’s or Iroh’s—Zuko’s perspective, his memories. And they’re all about him and Ursa together: every one of these memories have Ursa at their centre. We see her protect him and be kind to him, see her be physically affectionate and gentle, see her encourage him to be kind to himself and to Azula.

They essentially tell us that Zuko is Ursa’s son first, Ozai’s son second. Ozai remains a hovering, intimidating shadow on the sidelines (we still don’t see his face, we don’t see him genuinely interact with his children, and we see him irritating his father while being a very hands-off kinda dad himself) but Ursa is fully present. And ‘Zuko Alone’ is about Zuko trying to figure out who he is: the memories show that he views being his mother’s son as an exceptionally important part of his identity, which means they are about Zuko and his relationship with Ursa alone.

They are not supposed to tell us that Ursa neglected or abused Azula emotionally—that she only focused on protecting Zuko, while leaving Azula to suffer in Ozai’s incapable hands. Sure, we see Ursa scold Zuko for acting like Azula and cuddle him right after, and we see her scold Azula for acting mean and not cuddle her right after, but the key differences here are that Zuko shows guilt after frightening the turtleducks and Azula doubles down on trying to scare Zuko. The behaviour is different and will be, by any halfway decent parent, treated differently. 

I’m absolutely not saying that Azula wasn’t abused, because she 100% was. She was absolutely abused by Ozai, and I’m not ruling out that Ursa didn’t have a hand in how Azula ultimately turned out. But my point here is: these memories are far too limited and narrow for the viewer to properly determine whether Azula was treated incorrectly by Ursa. 

Zuko isn’t going to remember an intimate, lovely moment between Ursa and Azula when all that’s on his mind is his identity, and how it’s entangled with his mother and what she may have sacrificed for him. Additionally, he’s not particularly fond of Azula at this moment in the show (she did kind of kickstart his being a refugee, disregarding how the audience sees this sequence of events having begun), so he’s not going to remember her fondly either. Why would Zuko try to remember Ursa’s relationship with Azula at that point, instead of his own?

(Small tidbit: we also... don't know if Ursa's last words to Azula were 'what is wrong with that child', disregarding the comics which completely ruin azula anyway. Again, the memories are from Zuko's perspective and therefore won't show any private moments between Ursa and Azula. We're not even certain whether Azulon actually ordered Ozai to kill Zuko, or if that is simply what Azula interpreted it as/thought would be funny to say--causing the sequence of events that ultimately put Ozai on the throne. But whatever)

[vikingpoteto]

I've seen people compare Lucas setting up a meeting between Jean and Grayson to Luther bringing Drake to see Andrew, but I don't think that's fair or accurate. I think Lucas parallels Nicky in this situation.

Yes, Lucas had more than enough evidence that Grayson harmed Jean, just like Luther heard from Andrew that Drake was an abuser.

However, Lucas' denial comes from a place of grief. Lucas loved his brother, he couldn’t accept that the person he grew up with became such a monster. Even though Grayson had been violent towards Lucas himself, there is a part of him that refuses to believe Grayson would go that far. Until the last moment, Lucas was telling himself that his brother couldn’t be the villain (even though a part of him suspected the truth, given the fact that he tries to keep the gate closed between them.)

Just like Lucas, Nicky knew it was unlikely his parents were going to accept him but he wanted to try again, unlikely as it may be.

Lucas asking Jean to follow him as a desperate attempt to get his brother back isn't different.