#abuse ref cw

[invalidos-art]

redesigned an oc I've had for a while! meet Korihas, a fox taur assassin with pretty strong ice abilities

some additional lore below the cut (cw for mentions of abuse and human experimentation past there)

Korihas has powerful ice abilities… but using them has the potential to injure or even kill it. its body can't handle such power, as its tails were stitched on by its father, the CEO of a weapons manufacturing and defense company, aiming to create the perfect fighter.

Korihas is now a vigilante on the streets, seeking to take revenge on both its father and the many rich people that have wronged others through their hoarding of wealth.

[triangle-strategy-notes]

Gustadolph, Thalas, and Erika Concept Art

Concept/reference art for Gustadolph, Erika, and Thalas! Translation notes and image id under the cut.

Translation notes:

"Will you kindly keep your illegitmate hands off of me?!" was probably more directly translated like, "You're a bastard, stop existing in my vicinity." But it was a question and also used some polite language, so I changed the wording around a little to suit that.

"Hair tufts, eyes, and lips are all in the same place" was one I felt pretty uncertain about and ended up going a lot off of context. It definitely seemed to be saying something about hair, and was probably saying something about lips and eyes, but there might have been something about eyebrows or something else in there too.

"Wham" was a mimetic word that meant something more like "violent; holding nothing back."

Image ID:

[id: The first two out of the five images are the full Japanese pages of concept art for Gustadolph, Thalas, and Erika. The first page has their official canon portraits. In the third image, which is a translation of the notes on the first, there is an illustrator's note that reads, "Gustadolph is a beautiful yet terrifying man with long, silver hair. Personally, I find that his design puts me at ease since he has more of a restrained royal look instead of the typical stylish villain look. (Tatsuaki Urushihara)" and another illustrator's note that reads, "I remember thinking the three Aesfrost siblings were spot on from the first rough draft. Erika has a cat-like quality to her. (Yasuaki Arai)"

The fourth and fifth image are translations of the second page. The top half of the page is titled "Commander of Country B" and has several images of Gustadolph. One has a caption pointing to his ruff collar that says, "bird feathers." Another two notes next to his face read, "He's beautiful but rather cold…" and "He's overflowing with dangerous charisma." The second half of the page has pictures of Thalas and Erika. It's titled "Commander of Country B's Younger Sister and Brother". There is a drawing of Erika having thrown Frederica to the floor. Erika's dialogue reads, "Will you kindly get your illegitimate hands off of me?!" and there is a note next to Frederica that reads, "Liberty gets hit and falls down." In another drawing Thalas is holding a sword, both he and the sword spattered with blood. His dialogue reads, "I suppose even the lowly masses have some red blood in their veins…" There is a note between the two of them that reads, "The character sheet said they were an unlikely duo, but since I had already done 'Consortium Merchants' and 'C1 and C2 House Heads,' I decided to draw them as twins." Another note between mirroring portraits of Thalas and Erika's reads, "Hair tufts, eyes, and lips are all in the same place." There are also some small copies of the word "whisper" between them. There is an illustrator's note at the bottom that reads, "Erika and Thalas's setting and plotline never changed much, and even in the trial version they had a nice, simple bully feel to them that made them easy to design. (Tatsuaki Urushihara)" /end id]

[nutklcker]

hii (its the host and Hollie) maybe if you would would you be willing to draw Cap ...? :o) It'sjust a little creature. mechanical in nature

please :o0

I have no idea how to draw baggy clothes but I hada great time anyways :3

Love this creature, I think about it so hard

[dead-dove-orchid]

Venison!! The creachure ever!! Respost cuz I had listed his height as 1.52cm and NOBODY TOLD ME ??

[buriedinleather]

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to? (@ König)

[ content warning : reference to child abuse, reference to medical gaslighting, reference to child neglect ]

König tries his best to mask and that includes his emotional outbursts, but when he is caught in meltdown anger often goes hand in hand. When he is overstimulated, having a panic attack, or an outright PTSD episode his predominant symptoms often present as irritability or outright anger right alongside the fear/anxiousness.

As a small child, König would often take that anger out on others. A good example is being overstimulated and a child touching him without asking, so he hits them and yells as a response. Much of this behavior was modeled in his childhood home, so he was often confused about why he was in trouble when this was acceptable behavior inside of his household. ( For adults, anyways. )

Being undiagnosed, König was often labeled as defiant, flighty, and even lazy despite his monumental effort to 'be normal'. Not receiving any sort of occupational or talk therapy until his mid-teens, set him back immensely. Though he did receive basic anger management therapy from school as a small child, it did little more than teach him how to mask his symptoms.

Now, as an adult, his anger often manifests as self-hatred or outright self-harm. König has a hard time telling the difference between meltdown or anger toward another ( justified or not ), so when he feels manipulated or hurt he often runs away. This can be quite anxiety-inducing for some folks.

König's initial gut instinct is to hide so people do not have to see him be angry or have meltdowns or panic attacks. He will hit himself, and verbally degrade himself, and it sometimes continues to the point where he seriously injures himself. For someone not well versed in cPTSD that's comorbid alongside autism and adhd, this could be a very confusing and distressing thing to witness. König is aware of this, of course, hence the hiding - though he's not always successful.

The irony of this is that he was so heavily medicated as a child, at points, that even his own strong emotions can be overstimulating for him. Can anger him. It's a horrible loop that he's only just now starting to learn to process in a healthy way - he was set up for absolute failure as a child.

[merridelicious]

reblogging again to add a personal touch to this piece, because my story may resonate with others—

it was hard to see when i was already in deep. i won’t say in deep love, because in retrospect, it wasn’t love—that came later, with someone else. but in deep like. in deep like and at that point i was coming over twice, three times a week, turning essays in late and canceling plans with friends to hang out with him. and not once did i question the normalcy of that, until a friend of mine I’m still in touch with said, he reminds me of my abusive ex.

and no, he didn’t get me flowers either. i was annoyingly cool. he did not get me flowers and he would not let me meet his mother or talk to her and he ended up breaking up with me over text. during get togethers with mutual friends he’d talk over me, or kiss me to shut me up. he took my virginity but never once got his hands close to my heart, and thank the stars for that. and i look back and say, he didn’t deserve me, and to this day, the friend that warned me has also cut off contact with my ex and the friend group my ex ended up single-handedly tearing apart.

so no, you won’t see it in the moment, and if you’re on the other end of this, and your friend wants to tell you something but isn’t sure, because they might ruin it—they might see something you didn’t. something worth running from. please listen. please let them hold your hand and tell you.

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[inkyara]

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE

NAME:  Shin Tsukimi NICKNAME(S): Beanie-Man, Shinnie (Give him moar) (ALIAS): Sou Hiyori, SouSA, 1ojuugoya, and CARA5.

AGE: 22 SPECIES: Human PRONOUN: He/Him

ORIENTATION: Bisexual (to Kanna's surprise, he likes women as a treat) ZODIAC: Taurus MORAL ALIGNMENT: True Neutral

ABILITIES/POWERS: Hacking, computer engineering, calculating and manipulating situations to his benefit through sheer desperate improv, etc.

INTERESTS: Programming, video games, botany, sewing, and music. FEARS: Having his pictures taken or hung up for all to see, overly friendly people, Sou Hiyori and anybody that reminds him of him even slightly, himself, dying a slow and humiliating death, etc. GUILTY PLEASURES: White lies to hide his weaknesses, anime robot figurines, kitty cat plushies, and his cozy warm bed. SPOKEN LANGUAGES: Japanese and English.

PROFESSION: Self-employed freelancer.

BODY TYPE: Ectomorph (he's so tiny, be gentle) HEIGHT: 167cm (5'6'')

COLORS: Blue, purple, and green. DRINKS:  Water, coffee, and tea.

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES: Yes, but only with a straw so he can chew and sippy a little bit carefully. He also blows bubbles into it when nobody is looking. SMOKES:  No, but he's tried smoking before. DRIVERS LICENSE:  Yes, but he prefers to convene via train.

EVER BEEN ARRESTED: No. Asunaro kept him right where they wanted him; imprisoned under his bond with Sou.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

The worse part is i can’t escape it. Even when it’s just a video they’re standing side by side or nm beating killers ass there’s always someone whispering “toxic relationship i love toxic relationships” “killermare woo woo” and its just like

strange how thinking about killermare genuinely ruins my mood

[styllwaters]

351 / GAZI-MIAH

At last this monster of a ref is finished. Introducing the first canon Knight character for Vivere 44!

351 is a mountain Knight from Ferhaht, though their host is part Fejga; hence the brown fur and stocky build. They act as the secondary antagonist in parts 1 and 2 of the story. In part 3, the final 'season', they feature as a protagonist. 351 starts out as a ruthless, aggressive soldier working for Genizix, intent on completing the mission assigned to them. Under the direction of their officer, 909, 351 has been dispatched to quickly and efficiently eliminate targets who threaten to expose the company's activities in the Zhagaviit galaxy.

Eventually they come to realise that they are being manipulated by both the weapons company and their abusive superior, and in part 2 351 challenges 909. Their fight results in 351 gaining an array of scars and a terrifying near-death experience, and though they survive, they are permanently mentally separated. Unable to go into the Trance which binds the consciousnesses of the Helmet and the Host, they must learn how to work together as two people again. 351 escapes to their homeplanet of Ettera, surviving in the wild as they race against time to deliver an important message and rediscover who they are. During part 3, they discard their identification number and take on a new name, Gazi-miah.

More in-depth lore, facts, and extra art below the cut!

BACKSTORY

[cw: abuse, drug use, general dark themes]

351 was always told that they were born in Genizix like 909, though this is not the case at all. 351 had a life before they were turned into a killing machine, living on the Ihmna Stretch with their Ferhahti order. Their life was upturned on the day of their scouting Expedition, a journey that all Knight squires must take on before they can become full soldiers (More on Knight social structure here). They were tasked to deliver a message to an allied order along with two other temporary scouts. Upon arrival, however, instead of friendly greetings they were met with a chilling scene - the order was being attacked by another, the two groups set against each other in a fearsome battle. The fight was secretly orchestrated by Genizix in a plot to evaluate the strongest soldiers to recruit to their cause, unbeknownst to anyone but them. Feeling that it was necessary to aid their allies, 351 and their peers rushed into battle. They fought fiercely, but the young Knights were up against fully-fledged soldiers and 351's companions perished. 351 themselves was severely injured, and in the aftermath, blacked out - but not before catching a glimpse of strange figures.

When they awoke, they were not on Ettera any more; rather an unfamiliar place with black walls and machines. They could barely remember anything from the night before; and slowly the rest of their memories on their homeplanet receded as Genizix toxins that they were injected with took effect. Later, 351 would be introduced to 909, an experienced Knight officer with an extensive history of working for Genizix, and placed in their unit. They were assigned a number for a name and moulded into the perfect killing machine. 909 fed 351 a constant stream of lies about where they came from, and like all soldiers recruited into the system, promised that in fighting for the company they had a chance to participate in something greater than themselves; to see the real universe outside of Zhagaviit. But 351 was driven more by fear than the potential for glory. They had seen what happened to those who disobeyed the higher-ups, and what could happen to them if they did not complete the missions.

909 stripped 351 of their individuality and left nothing but brute force and a desire to please. What the agent feared more even than Genizix was invoking 909's anger, so they pushed themselves to do any dirty work asked of them. The organisation became their whole world, their 'family', and 909 made sure they could never leave their clutches - manipulating them, threatening them and twisting their worldview. The process was sped up by specialised toxins designed by Genizix intended to distort perception and slow brain activity, inducing a dreamlike state. On Knights, this had the effect of triggering and enhancing the Trance, making it incredibly difficult for one to mentally separate the helmet from the host. With time 351 came to believe that they were one person, and they had no reason to think otherwise as their exposure to information was carefully controlled. 351 was conditioned to see their targets as non-sophont and they were rewarded for using cruel tactics. The more time they spent with 909, the more they began to lose their sense of self entirely until they were nothing but a weapon. Such is the fate of most soldiers who have wound up working for Genizix.

Despite the deep emotional (and physical) scarring and conditioning, during the events of Vivere 44 seeds of doubt are planted in 351's minds. These would only germinate further as they gain more clarity of their situation. Standing up to 909 was the first step they took towards breaking free of their chains, although it came with a cost. 351's host was physically Separated from their helmet in the fight, an injury which in most cases is lethal. They were repaired by a scientist who stitched them back together and managed to salvage a sliver of the bond which connected their minds. 351 could never enter the Trance again, though the helmet and host could still exchange thoughts between each other. As they were two separate entities now, the helmet guides the blind host with directions.

Instructed by the scientist (an Arrow named Nimbus, who will be introduced later) 351 left the facility on a new mission - to deliver an urgent message to Jes-ren, a Kaata Plains Knight living on a Ranch on Ettera. They traversed the land they once called home, now unfamiliar to them, relearning how to work together as a pair that might as well be complete strangers to each other. They recover their memories; or at the very least parts of it, as they cannot remember their original name. However, they gain a new one; Gazitkaar-Miahlad [meaning: lost messenger / returned to us].

The road is long and tremendously difficult; Gazi-miah struggles to unlearn years of aggression, addiction and lies, all the while carrying immense trauma. They eventually find peace, and settle down with Jes-ren in Kaat following the climax.

PERSONALITY

During their time at Genizix, agent 351 picked up on a lot of nasty habits and traits from 909 who brought out their worst attributes. They became merciless, taught to discard feelings and remorse. 351 was not afraid to make a show of their strength, and at times was needlessly cruel and taunting. The toxins affecting their nervous system tended to spur on their host's prey drive to a concerning degree, and a part of them enjoyed the power trip they got from hunting down targets. Though everything they did, they did for 909's approval - and to avoid getting disposed of by Genizix.

When their host and helmet were Separated, and the effects of the toxins wore off, gradually their aggressive attributes took a backseat as they grappled with their new situation. With great effort they gain an understanding of both the horrors they went through and the atrocities they committed for the sake of a corrupted system.

Once they escape Genizix's hold, it becomes clear that 351 is incredibly socially inept and any interaction that isn't violence or taking orders is new territory for them. Freedom and agency are difficult concepts for them to grasp, but with the aid of others around them they begin to adjust to their new life.

The helmet, Miahlad (my-a-lad) is the more practical of the two. He has one goal in mind; keeping the both of them safe. Miah is resourceful and smart, though when it comes to social interaction he's just as clueless as his host. This doesn't stop him from offering advice via their mind-link. He is firm, distrustful, and judgemental, but cares deeply for Gazitkaar even if he won't say it. At first he is reluctant to uncover the truth in fear that it will harm them both, preferring to stick to familiar ground. Despite his realistic worldview, more than once he considers going back to Genizix due to the simple fact that it's all they've ever known - even if it hurt them. As a helmet he cannot speak out loud but relearns sign language to communicate with other knights.

The host, Gazitkaar (gaz-it-car) is constantly questioning everything. She is less focused on the personal safety and wellbeing of the Knight body and more concerned with the wider truth, always seeking to know more. Gazi is not one to back down from a challenge, whether it be traversing dangerous territory or mastering a new skill. But like Miah, she is averse to touch, and will bite if boundaries are pushed far enough. She is more open to listening than her helmet, and is a fast learner. Though she is more adaptable than Miah, her curiosity can sometimes go unchecked and lead them into trouble.

EXTRAS

They are 37 years old and tower over everyone, including other Knights. Their prescence could fill a whole room.

The engraved bone necklace was given to them by a Polar Knight commander from Ehtte Thannoeh where they first landed on Ettera. The carving depicts an Aikka deity whose horn always points northwards, and is said to watch over lost travelers from the northern lights.

Gazi-miah's piercings were put in by the scientist Nimbus, intended to firmly fix the helmet to the host.

As a Genizix agent their build is very toned and muscular due to their intense training and strength-enhancing substances which also speed up wound recovery. Such a lifestyle was placing immense stress on their body, and as they spent more time on Ettera they gained more weight and adopted a healthier diet.

Their build and design is inspired by bulls and rottweilers.

Their fur is spiky due to chemicals and unnatural cleaning products resulting in an unpleasant, rough texture. In the future it becomes softer thanks to proper grooming.

Here's some of the first concept art I have of them (and also showcases their pelt colours better)

Aaand a simplified version of the ref without all the notes for your viewing pleasure.

I'll stop here before this post gets insanely long but if you have any questions I shall be delighted to answer!! ;] Thanks for listening to my tedtalk

[tangledinink]

-> 🦢 Swanatello Masterpost

[ that's right-- the au the fandom has for SO LONG been asking for. a rottmnt x swan lake crossover. you guys... you guys were asking for this, right...? ]

cw: themes of memory loss/delusions/unreality, domestic abuse, death, and medical description/discussion/peril.

General Tag!

Intro Post! Before and After Ref! / Ref / Future

Bracelet Math! Timeline! Playlist!

Comics: About The Lake, Guardianship, Curse Reverse, Good Visits, Bad Visits, First Visit, The First Time I Recognized You, Dancing Together, The Research Board, On Pointe, Research Trips, White Chocolate, The Consequences of Our Actions, Tell Me Your Name, Half Blind, Dad!, Happy Birthday, Watch Me!, Wing Language, The Bracelet, SHELLDON, The Lake, Scars, False Memories, The Idea of Home, Influenced, Distance, Dreaming, Confused, Home -> Home, Deadlines, Donatello, The Black Swan, The First Step On A Long Road (That's a Metaphor, Please Don't Try To Get Out Of Bed), Croptop, Welcome Back Mad Dog, Fault, Making Peace, Leftovers, Made With LOVE, Better, Grand Finale

[hiskillingjar]

Do you think you can make more of ren Hana x reader please and keep doing amazing amazing job 

yeah sure.

1300+, hyperfem mc, kind of...au post BTD2 ren where he's trying to be a normal guy and. doesn't work out for him. cw for ref to CNC but we're all freaks here so......

College was supposed to Ren's fresh start.

Well, community college was supposed to be, anyway. A full bank account and a computer full of fake documentation software and malware couldn't get him into a regular school (what with a lack of a GED and all).

So, he had applied to the closest community college with a sob story (something something abusive relationship that forced him to drop out, something something he’s trying to build a life for himself again) and gotten in on a partial scholarship to finish his high school diploma, and to study coding and programming after the fact.

It was good. Or, at least, it was movement to start a new life for himself, a normal life, a life he could be proud of that wasn’t built off of the legacy of-.

Then she happened.

He wasn't going to do this, he had told himself from the beginning. He wasn't going to let himself get caught up in the dazed and familiar spiral of infatuation and dangerous obsession, as he was so prone to do.

She deserved better than that. She was good and he was going to be good, too.

But...he was never that good at controlling himself.

Which was why they were making out in the college library, his hand up her frilly skirt (he was a sucker for that kind of thing and she almost leaned into it) and his tongue down her throat.

She moaned little whimpers against his lips, pressing her fingers in to his hair, her fake acrylic nails occasionally scratching at his scalp and rubbing the base of his ears, making him totally melt against her.

They were decorated with ‘My Melody’ charms this week, the pink matching the pale streaks in her blonde hair.

Like she had been plucked right out of his fantasies and placed in front of him.

Like a steak in front of a starving animal.

“Ah, Ren,” She gasped sweetly, wrenching her lips away from his as his fingers stroked over the front of her underwear. He pressed two of them against the slightly damp fold, and idly circled the plush flesh underneath, feeling the wet fabric cling to her skin. “Mmm…noooo, don’t…”

“You like that?” He whispered, dipping his head down to kiss her neck.

She smelled of perfume and powder foundation, and he was addicted to it.

“Stoooop,” She whined with the slightest pout, pressing her face into his shoulder and gripping his hair a little tighter, pulling a little too hard for it to feel good.

“Ngh,” Ren let out a little grunt, pulling himself away and shaking his head (like a startled animal) before staring at her, his brows knitting together as he drew his fingers back from her panties. “Are you not into this? Should I stop?”

“Huh?” She blinked as he pulled back, her fake lashes fanning against her cheeks, making her eyes look even bigger and doll-like. God, no wonder he was crazy about her. “Oh, no, I’m…really into it, actually.” She admitted shyly.

“But,” He tilted his head with a confused look. “You were telling me to stop…”

“Um…y-yeah,” She giggled, her cheeks flushing a soft pink, matching her blush, as she idly scraped a lock of pink hair behind her ear. “Ah, not to freak you out out or anything, but, mm…I’m kind of into that sort of thing…consensual-non-consent, roleplay…stuff. And, you know, we’ve been seeing each other for a while, so…”

Ren blinked too, his ears tilting back as his expression gave away even more confusion.

"Non-consent? You...think about that stuff?" He asked, idly hooking a fang over his lip and biting down.

"Ah," She shook her head and covered her face to hide a bashful smile. It was a ridiculously adorable gesture. "I-It's not that big of a deal...and a-a lot of girls are into that stuff, more than you think!"

"Isn't that kind of messed up, though?” He continued to press, drawing his hand back from her thigh and letting it trail down to her knee, where her sock was slipping down.

“I mean, I know it's a little messed up, even if it’s not...the real thing," She insisted, her hands back in her lap (like she was chasing after his hand, chasing some way of grounding her body to the Earth) and looking at him, sweet sincerity in her big eyes. "I know it is. But it's like a...reclamation kind of thing, you know?"

Ren frowned.

"Reclamation, wha...?"

"Like, taking bad things that have happened to you and,” She paused, biting her lip to hide a thoughtful frown of her own. “...Putting them in a situation that you have control over. A situation you can stop, if you need to."

"Huh..."

He’d never considered anything like that before.

Ren did know, probably more than most, that there were a lot of…weirdos out there (pot calling the kettle black, he knew), but he hadn’t considered that she might be like that too.

It didn’t make sense to him. She dressed in pink and white, got new nail designs every two weeks, and told him extensively about her plans to program a game about cat sitting when she had finished their course.

Girls like that didn’t have the darkness that he had, did they?

She was his ‘sweet one’, after all, his innocent, little angel, his doll, his Madonna, his-

"Please don't think I'm weird..." She murmured, her smile dropping at little at his extended silence. “I was being a little hasty, I know that. We don't have...I was just trying-"

She was so nervous. She was so worried that showing her darkness was going to scare him off.

If only she knew how often he though the same.

"No, no, I-" Ren cut her off with a slight chuckle, rubbing her knee affectionately. "It's okay," He then said, giving her an encouraging smile (trying not to let it grow into something bigger, scarier, more threatening, more honest). "I...I like it too, I think.” He knew, but he didn’t want to tell her too much. Not yet. “I like that you like it, too. We can keep going."

Her eyes widened a little and that sweet, innocent smile came back to her face.

"Really?" She said, her voice filled with something close to awe.

"Yeah," He dipped his voice down low and moved in closer again, reaching up and wrapping his fingers around her wrists and squeezing tight, keeping them pinned together (in lieu of any bondage) as he gave her a fang filled smirk. "Let's keep going."

She shivered, trying to wrench her wrists away from his grip as he pressed his smirk to her neck for a harsh bite.

“AH!” She gasped, her soft thighs pressing together as he dug his teeth into her skin, bruising her, marking her as his. “No, no…s-stop-“

He paid no attention to her protests (uncaring if they were even real or not) as he dug his teeth in a little harder, feeling the first pinpricks of blood welling against his lips as he reached one hand back up her skirts and began to knead at her panties again.

She was much wetter than she had been before, and he didn’t stop himself from purring lowly in delight.

“Dirty girl,” He murmured hotly, laving his tongue over the bloody bite on her neck. Her cute blouses weren’t going to hide that one, and he struggled to contain his delight about that. “Getting off on this, aren’t you? Me touching you when you don’t want it.”

“Nghh…” She kept twisting in his grip, her bottom lip swelling as she bit down even harder. “I’m not…getting off-“

“Yessss, you are,” He drawled, suddenly pulling the gusset of her panties to the side and pressing his fingers inside of her. Thank god it was late, and the library was empty. “Look at that, angel…I think your body is smarter than your head~”

“Fuck,” She swore, pressing her face into his shoulder again and tensing up even tighter. “T-That’s good…”

“I know,” He crooned, pressing a wet kiss to her cheek and sliding his fingers deeper. “I know it is. Good girl…”

“Just let me take what I want, now…”

[autogeneity]

fascinating emotion.

the 'hot' part is very human: it thinks of the subject individually, with their specific shitty attributes and has many swear words etc for each of them. it has so much to say and do.

the cold side dehumanizes entirely. you are simply an entity that dared to do something Unacceptable and now you are...nothing; you're scum; you're beneath worth or any of my consideration. die.

I've felt the latter a very rare number of times in my life, and I think remember each vividly:

towards S, when he kept me from leaving a hotel room after he'd done other shitty things

towards my father, when he scared and humiliated my little brother until he pissed himself, and seemed amused and pleased about this

towards a teacher, when she called in my parents to tell them about my self-harm and things I'd admitted to her in confidence, and also apparently decided to tell the entire staff about it

...now, apparently?

the awareness of someone having power over my life that they can and will wield, even arbitrarily, fills me in equal parts with an impotent yet frantic (lowkey panicky) rage, and an ice-cold hatred in my veins. I think this is the state people commit murder from

[miaurri]

I can finally drop her ref and add her backstory 😭 I made a post on insta with her lore but it's extremely water down so I might as well make a full post about it

CW// Animal death, Domestic Abuse, Grooming, Self Harm and Attempted SA

Kayo was born the first day of spring, a new beginning for her mother and father but over time she didn't came out "right" physically. She was beautiful no doubt about it but with such an odd looking eye she was almost incomplete.

Though despite this her family continued to raise her till she later on has a brother. They plan on raising him to become a samurai and bring wealth into the family home but Kayo insisit she can as well. Most of Kayo's early childhood was spent on taking care of the farm and help watching over her brother who was slowly getting ill. She was annoyed with him, not only for stealing the attention away from her family but as a "hindrance" to the family

As winter slowly arrived his condition had gotten worse and their money had gotten low. Nightly her parents argued on the money problem which lead to violence she'd witness, but Kayo wanted to show her family that she was able to provide as well. Unknowingly she went into the fields to look for some plants to use for medication and saw red spider lillies, entranced by then she grabbed a handful before sneaking back into the home as everyone went to sleep. Kayo proceeded to make a herb tea made out of the plants and gave them to her brother.

Even if she didn't like him she was willing to try and help her family out by watching after him. But no matter how many times she tried his condition had gotten worse, more and more Kayo started adding anything to make his medication work till she gave him all the remaining spider lillies she could find and made him drink it all that night. The next morning wasn't a pleasant one as her brother's body was layed cold. His face went purple and blood was left on his lips as Kayo's mother discover the dead body of her son and her daughter with a cup layed next to her her mother assumed that Kayo had intentionally poisoned her brother

Struck with grief and anger her mother shoved Kayo away from her brother as she cried and cradle his body. From then there her family had became worse. Her mother would always have bruises and was shaking in fear at any sign of touch. Kayo became distant but the guilt of upsetting her mother weighed more as Kayo told her she was willing to do anything to see her happy again.

That night Kayo's mother held her daughter for the last time. Not saying a word as by the next morning Kayo's mother lead her to a strange place. It was definitely more busier than their small village and everyone work nice clothing compare to the rags that they often wore. Kayo stopped by at a building and spoke to a strange man. Kayo felt nervous as she saw the man's eyes leering at her, she didn't understand what had happened but saw the man grabbing Kayo by her arm as he lead her further into the town.

As Kayo panicked she looked back at her mother who was walking away with a small bag of coins hand. Kayo was left to the hands of whoever now as she walked through the crowd of people. She finds herself heading into a tall building as the man lead her into a room, Kayo looking back immediately as soon as the paper door was slammed closed. But instead of something scary awaiting for her, there was a woman. She worn a ray of colorful kimonos that complimented her complexion well. Kayo was told that she'll be working with her as her Kamuro, her servant, but that for now on she'll be under her care

It didn't matter if she was only being nice, or that she perhaps pitied the child Kayo was happy someone was willing to take care of her. She had introduced herself as Fujinami and promised Kayo she'll never leave her side until she was ready. Hence that day Kayo was now renamed to the one we all now know her as. Her weeks with her were slow as she was just getting familiar to the environment she was in. Though she was well equipped with house keeping skills she was lacking a bit with grace and femmeninity.

Fujinami teaches her that in this industry that playing nice was an act, she was performing essentially but it made people happy. Though Kayo didn't seem as interested in playing pretend as she had more focus on being free and running around the house. Especially when one of Fujinami's client had been introduced to Kayo as he waited to see her. Isamu was a popular teacher at a dojo not too far from the district, but he had never met a young girl who was addamit on learning the skills of his craft, not even his younger students showed that much passion which intrigued him.

Kayo was a young spirit. High in energy despite her circumstances and loved playing games with anyone who was willing. It didn't take long for Isamu to start growing a fondness with her and even sharing a bit about himself. He was aware how odd it was for a girl like her to enjoy typically masculine things but even he admits he was like her growing up. He told her stories of him and his mother taking care of the flowers in their home and always enjoying them bloom at the first sight of spring, it was a long process and some don't even bloom in time but he'd personally think that's there's beauty of it.

As Kayo gotten older she'd completely forgotten her old life and now embraced her new one. She even made a friend with a boy from another house named Shotaro. The two would often spar and walk around the town, if they're lucky they could even buy some sweets with the small amount of money they were given. But not everything was great as with each winter's passing Kayo was slowly not forming into the image Fujinami wanted, eventually Kayo will be on her own and if she didn't start becoming the "perfect woman" she'll be left broke and dead.

Fujinami kept insisting that Kayo should start things more seriously as with the lack of skills Kayo was showing was getting worse. Fujinami explained that if she kept practicing and playing up this idea of beauty that one day a man will buy her out and she can finally escape the district on her own. But Kayo kept on failing, she was vulgar with her words, couldn't do flower erranging or even playing most of the instruments given to the house. All she could really do is fight but that's it

Stressed, Fujinami left Kayo to clear her head as she gotten ready to see her next client. Kayo feeling guilty for the lack of consideration wanted to do something for her. But as she's seen growing up, words mean nothing. They're fake and empty and only true dedication is necessary. She's heard from some of the women that there were times that the Oirans would send letters containing a piece of their finger, but usually it's never theirs. Maybe she couldn't get a finger... but she can do something better

Kayo had practiced once again as she was cleaned the table of the spilt sake as a sudden noise comes from the window. She looked down from the window and saw an injured bird on the ground limping. Feeling pity she took the animal in as she grabbed a cloth and scissors to wrap it's wings. But as she stared down at the helpless bird something overcame her, instead as the bird was flapping it's wing suddenly Kayo pierced into the flesh of the bird causing it to holler out in pain. When Kayo managed to rip off a chunk of it's broken wing Fujinami already came upstairs to see the commotion Kayo with glee presented her the bird, her hands coated in blood as she happily talked about how she was sorry for not practicing hard enough but she promised that she'll be good this time around. Disgusted at the bloody sight and the smell Fujinami ran off from Kayo causing her to follow her behind. Confused and worried she clung onto her begging for forgiveness before being shoved by her. Fujinami being scared of what Kayo is capable of shouts that she had wished she had been born a normal girl and not some animal. Struck by those words Kayo watched as she ran away from her as weeks passed and Kayo became completely focus on being more feminine.

If anything what she desired most was her approval, for that happiness she once had to still remain as she continued to perfect her craft. By the time she was old enough to "graduate" she had already perfected the image that was put upon her. Her vulgar language now light and flowery, she was gentle and graceful. Kayo hoped that Fujinami would see her growing into the woman she wanted her to be but alas, she was nowhere in sight. Thats when she heard that since she was old enough to work on her own Fujinami was no longer obligated to take care of her. As her graduation week came, she had herself presented to a crowd of people along the street. She kept a smile but deep down was distraught that she couldn't even be there to say goodbye. Each day she worn a new kimono and her hair was adorned with gold. But no amount of riches could fulfill that void in her heart, Kayo wept. Quietly at first before she had a meltdown as she trashed everything in her room. Stripping herself off of her kimono and hair piece she couldn't bare herself being parted from Fujinami. She was once again all alone. But as she cried a door opened and leaping from the floor begged Fujinami to forgive her and to take her with her. Unfortunately for her a old woman came to say someone had already bought her out for the night, her first customer. Kayo had to be as presentable as she could be but Kayo's heart grew heavy once she waited for her first client. But that feeling would only grow as she looked up and saw Isamu of all people coming to see her.

Kayo was conflicted, but she hoped that he was only there so he could buy her contract and let her live with him. She had decided to speak with him more formally as she poured him sake, but despite the circumstance that they're in Kayo smiled as she spoke fondly about how at least if there was one more figure in her life to trust it would be him. But as entertaining it was for him watching Kayo fumble with her words. He told her that he was only here for one thing most of all. After all, he said, "He enjoyed watching the flowers bloom in spring" and Kayo was simply a flower that was late to bloom. Kayo's face grew pale as he reached closer to her. "Sometimes you have to open the flower yourself to see it's true beauty" was the only words she could make out as she stood still, her body frozen as the image of what was the friendly man who took her under his wing became monstrous, almost unrecognizable. But Kayo wanting to play this role for Fujinami lets him get closer. But she was scared, afraid of what he can do to her that her body broke from it's spell as she grabbed her hairpiece and pierced his eye. Causing him to fall back as Kayo fought him off from trying to get to her. Kayo had lunged forward to him as she stabbed him multiple times. Blood soaking her soft orange kimono as she now stood in a puddle of blood. She could hear the sounds of the people downstairs celebrating and laughing as she processed what had happened. She realized now that staying her would mean a fate worse than death. And Kayo knew what she had done was wrong as she stormed out of the room. Bloody footprints following her as she ran out of the house causing on lookers to look in horror of the bloody mess she was. Kayo will escape the district even if it killed her. She didn't care her feet were burning against the ground or how dirty her garments were She felt more free than ever before and like an animal escaping from its home. She was no longer a house pet but a run away. But as her small foot can lead her she went into hiding. Slowly as she had gotten older she'd realized how poorly her body reacted to pain. Each day now she inflicted harm onto her body for her to handle the pain as cuts varied from small to deep until she could barely flinch from the pain. She started out rough though as all of her kills for hire only gave her scraps. But it was enough for her to go by. Luckily present to the story she had now perfected her skills, the thing that once brought fear into people she knew was now a necessary for her to survive. She had finally took care of herself and was now even able to afford some small goods like a beni that she cherished. Even though she knew there was no way someone would see her as a wife she still dreamed of someone accepting her the way she is. Everything was back to normal, as normal as things could be until one day she was sent a hit. A samurai who cut through a dojo but as well as the four fang, though she was tempted to decline once she heard how much she was getting paid for the hit suddenly changed her mind. Now finding herself walking along the snow path alone. She finds the calmness of the winter snow appealing but like a storm, she locked eyes with him- The rest you can figure out what happened :3

[rubra-wav]

Snap (part 2) - Honesty

Snap (Part 1) - Deception

A/N: Listen man, I wish I could just say that Vox would just accept 'I love you' with his secret situationship he's terrified of losing and just say it back, fluff instantly ensuing, but we all know that would not be accurate at all.

Ow.

Td;lr for this one for the people who don't wanna read the actual smut - reader who's in a secretly mutually requited situationship with him catches Vox looking at them through cameras and decides to 'punish' him for it. In the end, though, the reader ends up accidentally telling them they love him. This fic ensues. Also, flower symbolism <3

Cw: rating 18+ (there's no smut, but it's part 2 of smut, so yeah), Vox is insecure and delulu as hell, reference to staticmoth/toxic/abusive relationship stuff, angsty asf, ref to physical abuse, miscommunication, hella infuriating - we get there eventually though, gn reader

There was one unbending, unspoken rule between the two of you ; that even with how obviously attracted to one another you were, you would never attempt to push it further.

You had your life, and Vox had his. His image being the clearly most important thing to him that trumped whatever you two had.

Even if your attraction to one-another became far more than just physical, you'd never push it further than friends with benefits for fear of it being unrequited and ruining everything the two of you had.

'I love you.' Spoken hazily, without a second thought however, changed that completely.

It broke all of what your relationship was fundamentally built upon; that being hiding your true feelings beyond what was physical for one another.

'I love you', spoken in your bedroom, under the eyes of the wilting red flowers that had now exposed not one but two deceptions, ruined everything you had going.

Or at least, that's what it initially seemed like.

Vox felt his heart go crazy at the words you'd just spoken, him feeling even more over the moon then he already did that you weren't going to kick him to the curb.

But then his heart dropped again as he realised what must have been really happening.

His face burnt with anger as you said those words, him sitting up and pushing you off of him.

"Do not say that to me." He growled out, standing up and moving awkwardly with what had just transpired to go put his clothes back on to go leave.

He'd done this before, and he really thought that this would be different, that his feelings for you wouldn't be played with like his were constantly his in his situationship with Val.

But here you were, telling him you loved him after fucking him and only after fucking just like he did.

How long would it take for you to start starting undesireable fights with him for no reason?

How long would it also take for the security you provided to be ripped away from him?

How long would it take until you moved on to find someone else because he wasn't enough for you.

How long would it take before he's always option 2 whenever that other person you want isn't available? When he's always just the afterthought and nothing more.

Your eyes widened in shock, and a wave of pain and regret washed over you. You didn't see the real reason he was flipping out, just seeing the man you loved telling you not to express that to him. Just saw your worst fears being confirmed.

You didn't have the guts to pry further to find the true root with your own hurt, unable to take his response as anything but bitter rejection of your feelings.

Vox didn't see the way you crumpled, expression fucking ruined behind him as unshed tears made your eyes hazy. "Right.. sorry." You apologised quietly to receive no response but him letting out a sound that expressed clear disappointment as he left your room without another glance towards you.

As Vox reached for the door, though, now out of eyeshot of you, he hesitated for a second. Tears once again formed in his eyes for what's the umpteenth time tonight.

His hand hovered above the doorknob as he considered a different thought process. Maybe you were actually being serious. Maybe this was real.

He grit his teeth, shaking his head and taking the only light in the house with himself as he left with bitter pain in his chest. He would not allow himself to have another Val in his life.

The door shut behind him with a sound that weighed heavy on your shoulders as the house became completely and utterly silent.

You sat with your head between your knees on your bed, feeling a mixture of sadness and anger forming a truly disgusting concoction of emotions inside of you.

You'd discovered he'd been doing this greatly violating thing and had given him a second chance, only for him to walk out on you because you told him you loved him? Of fucking course. It wasn't even surprising at this point. It was Vox.

You shook your head as you laid down on your bed, looking at the ceiling as tears blurred your already shit vision in the darkness, your heart in a million pieces.

Just what had you been expecting exactly? It was clear that the only person he had eyes for was Valentino, even if the piece of shit was a horrible boyfriend through and through. You'd been there many a time after their fights for him only to come crawling right back to the fucker.

Of course, he'd walk out on his side piece telling them they loved him. Your strange situationship with one another was never going to ever be anything but second to his real love; an abusive asshole who didn't love him and only showed up again when he got bored of his other toys.

You blinked into the darkness as you tiredly leaned over to the light on your bedside table, feeling for it and flicking the switch.

It didn't come on as it clicked.

Of course he'd caused the damn lights to break.

You growled in annoyance, turning over onto your side and curling up in a ball.

You'd fallen for such a piece of shit and allowed all that was good with him to slip away in one stupid moment of peace with him after a hell of a lot of pent up anger towards him.

It was stupid, really, that you'd be so upset over what was so obviously going to happen from the get-go.

It still hurt, though. So fucking much.

-

The next week was hard, to say the very least. In the whole fiasco with punishing Vox, he'd fried your phone as well as your lights so you now didn't have one.

He usually supplied you with new ones when this happened, but obviously, no Vox around meant no new phone.

His lack of effort to attempt to contact you pissed you off frankly. You repeatedly attempted to try and speak with him in person, but you just kept getting told to leave by his staff.

Your relationship wasn't exactly public, and you were sure he'd blow up rather than go silent on you if you told them you were together to try to get him to come out of hiding from you like a little bitch, so you just let bygones be bygones for now.

The man child could come crawling back to you whenever he got sick of whatever (you expected at least) he had going on with Val again, you weren't going to let any of this bullshit slide though even if he came back on his knees beggin for forgiveness. (Something that would, of course, never happen. Vox didn't do apologies. Not real ones at least.)

You were frankly done as fuck with him and his constant unending string of bullshit he refused to take responsibility for.

Your anger just worsened the longer he was absent. You almost wanted the thought that he was done with you this time to be true, despite the stupid fucking part of you that wanted him to come back.

Under all this bullshit and masks he wore; he was so different. You wished you could just be with that part of him, the real parts he hesitated each time to show to you because it was imperfect and a fucking mess. But of course, that would never happen. It was truly a fantasy.

After 6 days of nothing, the first sign of him showed up finally. A letter to your house saying he wanted to see you to 'talk'.

-

Vox knew damn well he was being completely unfair to you doing this, but he couldn't bring himself to back down and apologise.

He didn't make mistakes.

At least, that's how he liked to act. He'd rather hang onto his bullshit knowing full well it's bullshit until the end of time than ever admit fault.

After the incident, he'd spiralled completely. Privately having an angry breakdown about it, humiliated that he'd let himself fall into yet another Valentino situation.

It was easier to just take it out on you than actually hold himself responsible for shit and do the disgusting, pathetic practice of crawling back to you and apologising.

So even though he knew damn well that either way he was in the wrong, just expecting you had turned out to be another mistake along his path of failed lovers, he went silent on you rather then actually communicating at all. Naturally.

It probably looked to you like he'd run off, not giving a single shit anymore, but that was far as it gets from the truth. It was eating away at him. The rare feeling of genuine regret and guilt for his actions shocked him, and it only grew with each passing day.

He couldn't just let things end like this, he needed some... one last interaction with you before not seeing you again. As much as he had genuine feelings for you, he would not allow what he thought was going on to progress any farther.

As he lay in bed on his back, looking up at his ceiling he heart ached as that stupid goddamn thought entered it again. The idiotic idea that you could be actually telling the truth. He hated how it entered his mind and he had to again and again shoot it down to not fucking kid himself.

You didn't actually love him.

Never in a million years would he actually fall in love with someone and have them feel the exact same.

... right?

He pressed his hands over his eyes as his mandatory 'sleep' mode began to shut him off for the night. Tomorrow he would see you for the last time. Shut down what was happening before it began.

What he thought was happening between the two of you.

-

You almost didn't want to go and actually see him, funnily enough. You'd been trying desperately to go and talk to him for the past week, and it would feel pretty good to know he got stood up.

Not that it was really much of a place to be stood up.

For some reason Vox had told you to meet up with him in a secluded grassy field fairly in the middle of nowhere. To talk without any risk at all of people hearing, you guessed.

Still, it was weird. This was the type of shit murderers did, not your ultra-rich situationship. Whatever.

You forced yourself to keep walking up the hill despite really not wanting to see him. He was standing at the top facing away from you with his hands in his pockets, his face casting blue light down over the immediate grass before him.

As your crunching footsteps echoed out in the mostly silent clearing, he turned around to look down at you.

For agonising seconds, you two just stood there silently, staring at one another. The sound of distant insects, and the slight breeze passing through the leaves of outstretched tree branches the only sound.

He looked perfect as always, but his expression was unsure, hesitant as he looked at you.

Your heart truly fucking ached terribly, and you hated it. You fought the angry tears that you know would start spilling the probably second you heard his voice.

"What is it then." Your voice was quiet, but your words hung as heavy on his shoulders as it could get.

Vox gulped, clearing the lump in his throat, and slipped on a brave face. "I just wanted to see you one last time. I figured it would be shitty of me to.. break up? Over text." He said casually despite the agonising pit that felt like it was consuming him.

You grit your teeth, emotions swelling and bubbling out in a short, humourless bark of laughter. "So that's how it is, huh?" Your voice was thick with the constricting string of strong emotions bubbling up in your chest. You were pissed, the fact he called you out here just to 'break up' with you face to face was an asshole move even for him, sad that you were being told this bullshit, but also just fucking confused under all of that.

Vox would have just left and rode off into the hills and never would do this if he didn't actually give a fuck, so what the hell was happening?

Vox cringed hearing your tone, expression faltering for just a moment before slipping back on. "... yes?" He said it to sound concise, but it came out a question. He cringed inwardly.

You squinted at him, unshed tears making his bright face in comparison to the night all the more blurry with vectors of light messing with you.

His expression was unsure as could be, he wasn't looking you in the eye, and he was fidgeting with his hands. It's like he was expecting something from you. Something bad?

You briefly thought about how you'd seen him acting when he'd come to you after Val had hurt him and broken his screen after he'd gotten snippy with him.

That's when two things hit you like the worlds biggest truck. Why you were so fucking confused and had some nagging thought eating at you that you couldn't properly grasp up until now.

The first; He fucking clearly had feelings for you as well.

The second; He was expecting you to physically lash out at him. Anticipating some sort of Val level breakdown over you.

What the fuck was happening right now?

He would not have come out here if he didn't care at all, and certain times you thought he may have even felt possibly the same way you had.

So why in the fucking world had he stormed out of your house when you told him you had feelings for him as well?

Vox watched your progression of emotions as you didn't respond for a while with confusion, heart beating quick as his tenseness anticipating some massive blow up from you slowly eased off. Your next question caught him all the more off guard.

"Why did you call me out here to talk face to face to break things off?" You asked, brow furrowed and your expression equally confused, trying to read his intentions. You continued, blinking hard to try to clear your wet eyes so you could actually clearly see. One rolled down your cheek in the process, and Vox looked even more startled by it than the question.

"If you don't love me too, even a little bit, then why would you call me out here to break up with me face to face." You demanded an answer more than asked a question, expression hard.

He looked stunned at you, not believing what he was hearing, sputtering before letting out a strangled response. ".. No, you don't." He said.

You arched a brow at him in confusion. "Wha-" he cut you off.

"You don't love me! That was just some bullshit to play with my emotions after we fucked!" Suddenly Vox was angry as all hell, jumping to another assumption as he walked closer to you, towering over you and furious, the sound of electricity crackling loudly as his system begun to get overwhelmed quickly.

"And no-ow you're trying to convince me to not fucking leave!" Vox turned to side, laughing humorlessly and pressing his palm to his head. "God, I was right. You're just like h-i-im!" His words glitched with his overwhelming anger as he looked to the side at you.

You looked at him as everything fell into place, and suddenly, you were also furious. "Oh for fuck sake, Vox!" You yelled, stepping back. "Has all this shit happened because this whole time, all you've been thinking about is Val?" Angry tears welled up in your eyes, and you gripped his face, forcing him to look you straight in the eye as you spoke.

"I am not lying you insecure dumbass!" Vox's anger faltered as he watched your genuinely furious expression, a mess of tears and painful emotions. Not wanting to back down, however, he went to bite back some vile retort that never made it from his lips as you interrupted him.

"I said I love you then because I actually am in love with you! And I have been for ages at this goddamn point!" You let go off his face as his expression flickers to unsureness.

You press your hands into either side of your head as you look to the ground. "I fucking see you walk back to that asshole time and time again and my heart breaks each time because I actually love you and would treat you right like he doesn't!" Your voice cracks as you yell at him.

You don't see him begin flushing darkly and startled, now sparking in an entirely different way, extremely taken aback as he finally began actually listening to the sound of anything but his own voice.

"If you had just communicated like an adult instead of running off like an immature child, none of this would have happened. Do you understand that? Or are you too busy projecting your unresolved bullshit onto me to see that?" You look him in the eye again, your fury fading into severe emotional exhaustion after the past week.

"I hate that I love someone like you." You growled out through clenched teeth before turning away from the man who was stunned into utter silence outside of the occasional zapping sound, and began to walk away, shoulders hunched and fists clenched as you trembled.

Vox stood in place, staring dumbly at your back as you walked away feeling a nauseating pit of guilt eating him alive. He had no idea what the hell to do.

If anyone else had spoken to him that way he'd be utterly furious, compensating for all hurt going on within him, but even he couldn't project that shit onto you after what was so clearly true was spat at him. The extremely ugly truth of this whole situation.

He'd fucked up so goddamn bad, so bad he couldn't even lie to himself on that like usual.

His heart constricted painfully in his chest as he replayed your words again and again in his mind. 'I hate that I love someone like you.'

His mouth opened and shut as he fought to try find his voice again as he began crying, your silhouette making it hurt all the more the further you got away from him.

I hate that I love someone like you.

I hate that I love someone like you.

It stung like hell. Rightfully.

Someone he could have a genuine relationship with. Not some one-sided bullshit. Not some toxic requited relationship with someone who'd act as a doormat to his behaviour. You were slipping through his fingers with every second further he hesitated.

He forced himself to go after you despite how frozen he was, thoughts running a dizzying mess in his mind.

You turned back to him with an expression that was a conflicting mixture of relief and irritation that he was jogging after you.

The next words felt like agony for him to say, but despite his ego he forced himself. You had begun to do what no one could - actually started to change him. The thought filled him with a mixture of fear, but also sent warmth flooding through his chest.

"I'm sorry." He said as he caught your hand in his. "I'm sorry I-I..." he trailed off, words catching in his throat as embarrassment clearly burned in his expression.

He forced his red eyes to look into your surprised tired ones though, gulping. It caused his glitching to only worsen, but he kept his eyes on yours anyways.

"I'm sorry that I did-n-n't just talk to you. I sh-should have just. I shouldn't have assumed shit. You aren't Val, it's just hard-" He stopped himself, correcting himself. "It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have done that. Yo-ou-ou-ou-" You took a deep breath through your nose and turned around to face him properly, waiting while he stopped glitching and showcasing a flashing error message enough to get another word out.

His monitor stopped cutting out after a few seconds with a particularly loud zap, red eyes once again looking into yours, a claw coming up to cup your cheek - the gesture causing your expression to once again crumple and start crying despite your smarter parts telling you to not. "You deserved - deserve better than that."

You truly hated that you loved this absolute dumbass. Of all people, why did it have to be the guy who looked like he had a stick being shoved painfully up his ass as he simply said the words 'I'm sorry' after creating this dumpster fire of a situation?

You sighed heavily, leaning into his hand while closing your eyes, it pleasantly cold on your cheek in comparison to your overly warm, puffy face.

Vox grit his teeth, utter humiliation permeating every bit of him.

He couldn't believe he'd ever said such a disgusting thing out loud.

But, the way you leaned into his touch with your eyes fluttering shut made it worth it.

The sound of the surrounding environment filled the air as the warm moment was allowed to sit in peace for a few seconds. Just quiet which washed over you very welcome after everything, and in contrast made Vox all the more antsy.

Vox interrupted everything with an awkward sound clearing his throat, smiling very tensely. "Please tell me I don't have to say sorry again." He half-jokingly (but really more seriously) said.

You slowly opened your eyes again, looking up at him through your lashes. "Mmm. I'm not sure if I quite believe you regret everything yet," you said as if thinking about it. "Maybe if you get down on your knees and grovel a bit, I'll consider it." You smirked teasingly.

Vox let out an irritated huff at the very obvious joking remark but figured it was better he didn't bite back with his usual attitude right now.

You chuckled, and gently gripped either side of his screen as you pulled his face close to yours, very serious now.

"I'll make this clear right now: I do not forgive you. All of this was ridiculous, and your bad actions, which you haven't yet actually acted to remedy, are stacking up. You understand that, right?" He grit his teeth, eyes looking away from you but still slowly nodding begrudgingly. You relaxed a bit, exhaling deeply. "Good." You said, slightly smiling at his pouting expression.

You stood on your tip toes, pressing a kiss on his screen where his cheek should have been. Vox looked back at you, smiling slightly.

"Come on, it's been a week, is that all I get?" He asked, immediately regretting it as you looked annoyed once again.

You shook your head, glaring at him. "Don't push it." You growled, before leaning in and kissing him much more deeply anyways.

Your love was going to be rocky for sure, but as staticky lips moved against yours passionately, you decided that you didn't mind. Whether that would come to be a stupid decision or not, would show itself further down the line. For now, you just wanted to stay in the present.

This part 2 was a long damn time coming goddamn.

I'm gonna be so fr, I was tempted to make this just be angst in the end because oof. But no, I was feeling nice. So you get somewhat actually healing his shitty maladaptive traits Vox.

I'm almost considering making more to this, but also God, there's so much more I'm working on as well 💀 I wish i had more time.

Masterlist

[faetaiity]

my brain somehow decided that I need to use the rest of my active braincells to do this, Hyperfixations are wild when you write, man. I also feel like I need to explain this because I overthink

Basically, what's about to go down in this post: Adult! Platonic/Familial Yandere! 1987, 2003, 2012, Bayverse and Last ronin! TMNT x Male! ROTTMNT! Reader (With slight Familial Yandere! from them for the Rise! Turtles)

the ages are mostly bullshit/made up in this ig except for Ronin! Michelangelo because he's canonically 31 or older

Reader is the same age as ROTTMNT! Michelangelo (Birthyear: 2005)

This is set during 2020, a few months after the Kraang Invasion. (The ROTTMNT ages are color-coded: 17, 16, 16, 15 and 15. every other iteration of the TMNT are implied to be 20-26, with an exception for Ronin! Michelangelo)

Why did I explain the premise? Because I want to make sure you guys understand. THIS. IS. NOT. ROMANTIC. and If I see anyone who adds more to this story or makes jokes about the OLDER turtles being attracted to the reader (Illegal due to Reader being a Minor.) or the ROTTMNT turtles (Illegal due to the Rise! Turtles being minors and being related to them.), you're getting blocked. no questions.

Minor Notes: While this is platonic, I understand if someone misinterprets some of the HC's due to the fact that each family is different with affection, some (like mine) make me feel guilty if I don't cuddle/hug them, some of this is inspired by my own family, Familial yandere writers (or at least me lol) tend to make stories relate to their own experiences with their family, If you read this and complain that it has 'romantic' aspects (which, affection isn't even exclusively romantic what??), I'm going to get a little mad since this is my experience with family, lol.

TW/CW: minor(?) Spoilers for The Last Ronin, Kidnapping, Abuse (Physically and mentally from 'Punishments'), manipulation, guilt tripping, possible gaslighting(?), Implied Murder, Infantilization, Stalking, Mentions of Panic attacks, stress tics (scratching/clawing at the skin), Yandere Behavior, Obsessive/Possessive Behavior, Extreme Overprotective behavior, OOC Older TMNT Iterations (Specifically 1987! and Bayverse!), Forced Affection, Surprise Adoption from the older versions of your best friends, mentions of Scars, missing limbs and Trauma from Rise! Shredder and Rise! Kraang (reader is mentioned to have scars and a missing eye) (Yeah that's long as shit because this post is probably gonna be long as shit)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a scale from 1 to 10 my friends, you're FUCKED /ref

Now I'm gonna start off with you meeting them a specific way and branch out to more options down the line.

Donnie ended up making a machine that COULD send someone or an object across to a separate universe if he was correct.

Unfortunately, you ended up getting sucked up into the Machine-Made portal due to being close to it

To make this easier on my brain, let's say the other iterations of the turtles are already together, through a similar device that was used by the Kraang/Utroms

And your dumbass landed right in the middle of a huge argument between Ronin! Michelangelo and 2003! Raphael

Everyone freezes, including you, they LOOK like your best friends but are clearly not, there's differences between them and your friends, height is a big noticeable difference that tips you off.

Weapons are drawn almost instantaneously, multiple different sets of Katanas, Nun chucks, and Sai's are pointed at you

And oddly, just as quickly as they raised their weapons, they put them back down

In their minds, they quickly draw together than you're unarmed and a lot younger than they are

You get up on your legs, unsure of how to respond to them, you remember the photos of you and your turtles on your phone

You slowly pull out your phone, knowing they could mistake it for a weapon, you scroll through your phone until you find the photo of you, Donnie and Leo in Run of the Mill Pizza, they calm down at the sight of it

They sheathed their weapons, studying your body warily, you feel weirded out at the fact that they haven't said anything; you could understand that behavior from Donnie or Raph, but not the other two

You swallow your nervousness and shakily say "I'm [Y/N]"

You notice one of the Michelangelo's runs right up to you, clearly excited at the Idea of someone from another universe that isn't in theirs

He noticed your eyepatch as soon as he gets up to your face and winces "Jeez, what happened to your eye?" he blurts out, Surprisingly, Leo smacks upside the head, Mikey mutters out a small apology, you laugh softly, not taking offense to it

They all introduce themselves with the year they're from and their age, you immediately notice all of them are adults

They're already wincing at your scars from life-threatening injuries and clearly injured or missing eye, but they just kind of.... freeze when you say "Wow! You guys are a lot older than My versions of y'all!"

They stay quiet for a second before you embarrassedly mumble out: "Oh... I'm sorry, that was rude of me" you avert your eyes

2012! Leo is the first one to speak "No... Offense taken; we were just caught off guard.... how old are you and your versions of us?" "Oh! Well Raph's 17, Leo and Donnie are 16, Me and Mikey are 15"

Silence, before Bayverse! Raphael bursts out laughing "I'M THE OLDEST?!" clearly, he's happy at that, and so are the other Raphs, apparently, since you can see their smirks at their respective Leos, who frown

You nod nervously, his volume scaring you slightly, He noticed you flinching and quiets down

Your age kind of takes a minute for them to process, considering your scars made them assume you're a little older, they end up asking you when you got the scars

"Oh! The giant scar is from the Shredder, the missing eye and the other smaller scars are from the kraang!" you breathed out for a few seconds, calming yourself down from remembering those unhappy situations "I got the big one when I was 13, everything else happened a few months ago."

They all.... look at you in a weird manner, it was a mix of pure anger, pity, and.... self-loathing, oddly enough? "Ah, I'm sorry if I reminded you guys of any..... unhappy situations..." you shyly said, they stayed quiet, feeling uncomfortable with the stares, you changed the subject "I need to be able to get back home! Donnie's probably freaking the absolute fuck out by now"

Ronin! Michelangelo takes initiative to tell you that you are welcome here as long as it takes, the others nod, you thank them all profusely

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It scares all of them over the next few weeks when you'd tell them stories about your adventures, they've come to understand that, well, in a blunt way, you and their younger counterparts clearly aren't able to take care of yourselves

And they've actually come to loathe Rise! Splinter, they've come to understand that their dad wasn't the best, but it makes their blood boil at how badly it can be for you and the Rise! Turtles.

Even they didn't fight the Shredder at that age!

However, they do feel a little better knowing you five defeated him, but not by much considering how close you all were to dying

especially you.

I'm gonna be honest, there is three ways it can go when your friends come to bring you back to your Universe

1: The other iterations come back with you guys, being delusional in the fact that you guys can't take care of yourselves

2: They don't let you go back with them, and they tell the Rise! Turtles to leave (This would be most likely if you share unfavorable stories of the Turtles, while forgetting to add where you guys talk it out or the reason why it happened, they become very attached to you specifically in the few weeks they've known you!)

3: (This is the one we will be explaining in this Post) They keep all of you in the Universe that you fell into. (This is the one most likely to occur due to ROTTMNT! Reader and Turtles are injured severely from the Kraang Invasion)

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It is not a good time for the first few weeks, You and your best friends fight tooth and nail at every point through them keeping you guys

They're beyond delusional, chalking it up to teenage rebellion and the nature of the Rise! Turtles

You five end up being locked up in a room, a few hidden cameras being placed in there

y'all aren't allowed out usually (and NEVER out of the lair) since to the Older! Turtles, you five are ungrateful brats who can't think for themselves

You and Mikey are babied, you two are the youngest and have been through so much!

It's suffocating

They always want to be near you, because in their words "You're the one who needs protection the most"

Donnie is allowed keep his battle shell due to the nature of his species (Also because they don't know about all the weaponry in it)

There isn't much room for escape, almost none, actually

17 Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles guarding the lair, at least 2 home at all times?

yeah, good luck, even Rise! Donnie is stumped.

In order of Importance (Most to Least) It's You and Mikey, Leo, Donnie and then Raph

Donnie and Raph are mostly ignored because they suffered the least number of injuries, and they're the oldest.

Previous Leos don't approve of yours, saying he's not Mature or Serious enough, often taking him for training/sparring

Don't let that fool you, your Leo has come back in worse shape than he was to begin with, often coming back trying to hide his tears, you guys stopped letting him go with them once it was found that his shell was starting to crack more. I wonder why

Donnie comes up with a plan to escape with Raph to regroup and find out how to get back home

and, to their credit, they manage to leave the lair, about 15 minutes later, Ronin! Mikey comes in, once he sees they're gone, he starts breaking objects in the room and yells at You, Mikey and Leo.

The others quickly come in and try to pull Ronin! Mikey away, which he resists until he sees you having a panic attack, Rise! Mikey trying to console you and Rise! Leo in a defensive position, around you

He leaves the room and announces that he's going to find them, some of the other turtles try to get near you to comfort you but Leo isn't letting it happen, he actually tries to attack one of them, making them back off

Oh, Raph and Donnie are fucked, by the way.

Now, Lemme tell you WHY you never want a Yandere! Ronin! Mikey hunting you down

He's the oldest, the most skilled and canonically in the books, the mutagen that is still in his system makes him stronger, bigger and more durable, plus the trauma of losing his brothers has made this situation strike a nerve with him.

he could probably break Rise! Raph's leg

Which he does.

About an hour or two later, he comes back with them, they're both knocked out, Raph's leg is bent unnaturally, and Donnie's Battle shell is ripped to shreds and he has bruises all over him.

Ronin! Mikey comes in and throws them back into the room, Donnie's battle shell in his hands "Found out the main reason why he wanted that damn thing to stay on his back." he stated bluntly, pointing at the drone wings and the spider-like claws, giving it to 2003! Donnie, who marvels at it

You're picked up by one of them, Rise! Leo starts freaking out and trying to get you away from them, until someone else enters the room and keeps him away until you're out

You're placed in a separate room, fearing that they're going to hurt you, you try to cover your head, curling into a fetal position, separation anxiety already kicking in due to the circumstances.

You feel someone rub your back reassuringly, making you cry and hyperventilate more.

"Hey, hey, you're okay, nobody's going to do anything to you" you whimper as you hear 1987! Raph attempt to calm you down

he tells you that you being taken away is the Rise! Turtles' punishment, and that nothing is going to happen to you

"What about My friends?" you sob out, he doesn't respond, he just pulls you close to him and hugs you; you try to pull away only to hear him say "I'm trying to make you feel BETTER, stop resisting! don't you know how much effort we're putting in to help you five out?! To take care of you guys?!" his yelling makes you stiffen, allowing him to pull you back closer to him.

I'm gonna be honest, you get the least severe punishments compared to your turtle friends, you're weak, regardless of if you're human or mutated (Mostly because the mutagen hasn't improved your strength as much as it did theirs yet.), you're WEAK.

They could, especially Ronin! Mikey, end up KILLING you if they gave you the same punishments.

Very few mutations would even get the harsher punishments anyways, all of them being Reptilian or large Mammalians.

Humans, Insect mutants, Bird Mutants and other mutants that could get hurt easier due to their physiology get special treatment.

At worst your punishments leave you with shallow claw marks, maybe a fractured bone or two (This one was unintentional, though, just a testament to how much stronger they are compared to you.), bruises and panic attacks from separation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awfully enough, they try to separate you from your friends on a regular basis

Saying your Raph might get a rage fit and hurt you, or your Mikey accidentally getting too excited and hurting you

Any excuse they can pull out of their ass to keep you away from them

They don't tell them where they keep you, of course

It's mostly in Donnie's lab though, where you spend time with them

Rise! Donnie isn't allowed in there because that's where they keep the Rise! Turtles' mystic weapons (Mainly studying them)

The only reason why you're never permanently kept from the Rise! Turtles is because you have panic attacks from being away from them, the Turtles also get hyper confrontational, even more so than usual when you're gone.

You always get returned by the end of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, let's go onto say that you guys ACTUALLY managed to escape back to your universe through a sheer stroke of luck.

Staying that way is gonna be hard.

Donnie immediately destroys the portal, but that doesn't mean the others can't build their own

Depending on if you move to another part of the sewer again, is how likely you are to stay uncaptured

If you guys stay at the same spot, they'll find y'all in another few months

if y'all move maybe they won't find you guys.

Staying? They're going to find you guys in as little as a few weeks, but they won't immediately grab you guys

They stalk you five, they're delusional and try to rationalize why you five left.

Staying might be the initial response, you five come back down, hoping to see Splinter, but you just see those 17 figures, some covered in blood

"What did you do, WHAT DID YOU DO?!" your Leo would sob out, assuming the worst

All you five get back are cold stares

Instead of taking you back to the other universe, they stay here and keep you locked in your own home.

But they make sure that y'all can't leave for a while.

The turtles get broken bones, and you get a shock collar

If you think they were bad before, you haven't seen shit

They're always around you five now, never letting any of you out of their sight.

It's hell.

It's pure torture.

and they're never letting you guys go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't go into as much detail as I would've liked, maybe this will be like a series idk??

[skelekins]

;3 under cut for just in case

as long as he doesn't like violently yank it and dislocate it he can pull pretty hard

>:O i'll have more kelek shit here soon bc mans rotting my brain