#absolutely vile statement to say out loud

[imagionationstation]

Hi! I read your TMNT 2012 separated au that you made with ellestrade and it really gave me brainworms so I wrote a small one-shot for it! The characters kinda ended up writing themselves haha.

anyways, wanted to share it with you and also make sure that you're okay with it. Not sure how you feel about other people taking inspiration from you ideas, so if you would like me to take it down, just let me know!

Thanks for sharing such fun ideas. Here's the post (I've also tagged you in it but sometimes tags are weird and don't always show. Also its on my fandom specific sideblog, but I am the same person haha)

Gotta love those brain worms! (Ironic statement from a 2012 viewpoint, actually-) HOLY CHALUPA, BRAIN WORMS IN THIS AU UNIVERSE, WAIT WAIT ACTUALLY WAIT-

*background rambles and spazzing*

Okay, I’m back.

I’m always a-okay with whatever fan things anyone wants to create with inspiration from something I made or helped make. As long as it isn’t containing some stamp that says “this I deem canon” when neither me (nor my partner) deemed it canon, no one ever has to worry with me getting upset over some story/comic/art.

I’m going to give some thoughts and I want to disclaimer.

When I discuss my thoughts on your POV of events in the AU, I will never, in any way, intend to diss or attack the story. I think the flow was excellent and Raph’s analysis of the events occurring was intriguing. I loved it! And nothing I say will be a statement otherwise.

But, since I have a distinct inability to keep my mouth shut when it comes to turtles and you asked, I have thoughts 🧐

My brain is now turning and ya’ll have to deal.

Characterization:

Donnie: Much distrust. Much sass. A strong sense of duty to defend his brethren turtles who don’t deserve it but he’s doing it anyway.

Very on point. Much approval 👌

Mikey: Could not be more perfect. I love him. Sweet soul ✨

Leo: He’s a bit less… Forceful. Cold and calculating. Than I envision.

I’d imagine that he had to learn to shut feelings down in order to survive. Fidgeting/smiling/visibly hesitating is out of the question. Staying in Shredder’s graces meant learning to play the game. His silence is what earns Raph the ability to be loud. The only times that he’s himself is when him and Raph are alone, outside of the sight of cameras, or when someone in is danger and fear/fury overwhelms all else. He seems bland to outsiders and it takes the Hamato brothers a while to see that that he’s just a scared little boi at heart that’s just trying his best in a cruel world.

He’s also set in his beliefs, so he’s going to assume that they’re being tormented mentally, if not physically. There’s no place in his mind that wonders if they were actually safer elsewhere.

I do like your POV, though. Plenty for me to play with.

Raph:

He’s ABSOLUTELY the first to question the differences between how Shredder treats them and how Splinter treats their brothers. He doesn’t jump the gun, but as devoted as he is, he’s never really liked Shredder. I love the implications that he’s been filing away concerns subconsciously and his brain keeps poking him like “HELLO?!”

He’s very deep. I can’t decide how I feel about that 🤔

Shredder would have wanted to fan that temper into something unforgiving and vile. Or course, that doesn’t mean he stops being a sensitive soul. It could… Have something to do with Shredder manipulating him into being angry when he wills it (basically all the time) and solemn and still when he doesn’t (such as during lectures, punishments, etc).

His brain registers this situation as one where he’s not meant to be loud and angry, and so he’s kinda… Shut down. Sassy, but mellow. Processing. Adapting. Letting what happens happen because he’s not meant to stop it.

It’s a reason that Leo gets so defensive when punishments come into play. It forces Raph to feel small. It make him vulnerable.

HOLY MOTHER OF MUTATIONS- I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW TAKE ON THE AU @ellestrade TELL ME IF I’M ONTO SOMETHING

Anyway, commentary:

“in one of Takeō's strategy books he couldn't care less about”

It’s like Space Heroes. He claims so and YET he read, recalls, AND clearly has DEBATED the passage so I call sus vibes.

I get giddy when I think of Takeō discovering Space Heroes-

“Junkō and Kōta— or Donnie and Mikey, whatever false name they’d been given—”

My brain made connections. I don’t know if it was intended, but I always believe that they knew them by Shredder’s names through the beginning of season one, end of season one/beginning of season two they were associating them as both, and then by the time that the City is under attack, they’ve adapted to using their real names. (But the Saki brothers still keep their Foot names.)

So, now I assume this is somewhere in that middle plot.

Fun little Easter egg~

“Takeō and Akihitō were the offense, and Donnie and Mikey were the defense” “They held their own. In fact, they dominated.”

I’m in love with Raph’s simple acknowledgment of their roles in battle. It’s a very practical outline of exactly how their dynamic on the field plays out and he's so certain of his place.

On the other hand, I’m a bit uncertain about whether they’d dominate. I do believe that they are trained and can hold their own, but I don’t know about them being as impressive as Raph&Leo, simply because Splinter trained them to defend and Shredder trained them to kill. The Hamato brothers haven’t had much time to practice in the offensive, especially since that’s Leo&Raph’s job. (In non-AU canon, they are all offensive/defensive.)

I think Mikey might learn that kinda strength at the farmhouse after being taught by Leo&Raph, and Donnie will step back from that, finally finding his place not as a fighter/leader, but as a scientist.

Definitely an interesting take, tho 🤔

“Only now does he think that, perhaps, there was a reason their master made their primary weapons blunts and not blades.”

I am chewing on this line so hard. It’s so powerful.

I can’t even tell you why. It just is.

“Akihitō knows that Takeō isn’t lying. He’d already tried to take tonight's blame all on his own shoulders, spare Akihitō of the punishment. But Akihitō knows all his tricks and he won’t let his brother suffer alone. Again.”

100% behind Raph learning to butt in when Leo tries to take the fall as they get older and punishments get worse.

“Seeing the situation, the evidence glaring at him, Akihitō cannot deny that this wasn’t exactly a great sell. Takeō and him are tied to the ground, trying to convince these two strangers that they would be safe with them. That their clan would not hurt them while that same clan was just about ready to beat them to a pulp.”

I was thinking the same thing 🤣

Leo, dude, seriously. Look around. Think for a second. You are not selling your point. You are doing the opposite.

In the end, it doesn’t even matter. Sensei will always find them no matter where they run. It was better to follow than be chased.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THESE KIDS THAT THIS IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL MOTIVATED TO STAY WITH DAD BECAUSE HE WILL FORCED YOU TO REMAIN OTHERWISE. BRUH. RED FLAG.

These were Foot Ninja binds made specifically to hold them. Mutant strength and all.

It makes sense that Shredder would make these. But.

But man. He made those. For them.

Takeō tries to take control of the situation again, the bossy oldest sibling coming out in him.

HA. Got him. Leo is Leo in any universe.

“His name is Mikey.” Donnie glares. “The rat is lying and he has—” “Donnie, its fine.”

Absolutely how they view things. Mikey doesn’t care what they think or do as long as no one he cares about is paying the price. Donnie feels it is a manner of principle that they accept logic and truth.

Leo talking over both of them is valid. This kid, I swear.

“Then tell your older brother to shut up about—”

LEO IS IT OFFICIAL YOU HAVE BEEN DISOWNED

“Sounds like a you-problem.” Donnie stands. “Mikey, we saved them. It's time to go.”

Donnie would die for them <3

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he recognizes it. Takeō always knows when to give support. He’s a good brother. He hopes Donnie and Mikey will know that one day too.

OH. OKAY. WELL. 🥺

THOSE FEELS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE-

He loved his big bro sm hjkhkjhkjhjkkjhkjhkjhku

If Akihitō didn’t know any better, he’d say it was longing.

Oh, don’t worry, he is dying to have other people in his life who genuinely care for him, but as long as you guys are with the enemy, you’re a threat to his baby brother and daddy and not to be trusted

And, just maybe, it could be their world too. 

Oh, so that’s what pain feels like. Glad to be reminded.

[secretgamergirl]

On the Vocabulary of Bigots

I would say somewhere around 2.3 times a day on average, I see someone who ostensibly works in political news or with a PhD in sociology or whatever quote a statement from some unrepentant bigot shouting about something like “the W*** media is censoring Govenor Big Oted!” and add a cheery little note that says “no, what people are criticizing Big Oted. His ability to say whatever he wants is completely unimpinged, and you in fact just linked to a televised interview with him in your post. Censorship is when the government passes laws restricting what people can and cannot say, like the new law banning teachers from saying anything at all regarding queer people or the slave trade, which the governor here is being criticized for signing.”

The apparent goal of these sort of posts is to go “ohoho! I have defeated you by pointing out that you are using the word ‘censored’ incorrectly! Surely you will now see the error of your ways and cease using it in the future!” Which they have to know isn’t going to happen, right?

Meanwhile if the bigot being quoted is inclined to reflect on this at all, their thoughts are just going to be “Ha! These idiots still get tripped up when we say ‘censored’ and don’t push back at all!”

See, horrible bigots don’t care at all what you think about them, or how words are normally used. They are motivated purely by a desire to convince everyone they can that everyone who isn’t a bigot is sub-human, and therefore should be treated worse than bigots. They are laser-focused on this. Everything they say and do is attempting to make progress along these lines. This especially includes the vocabulary they use, and the way they use it.

Ideally, bigots would love to just say out loud how much they’d like to beat people to death, using only the most horrifically vile and dehumanizing language to describe the people, and the most vivid and explicitly violent language to explain the specifics. You can see this for yourself if you look at old racist propaganda materials. Once upon a time (and still today if you’re on a sufficiently dedicated hate website) you could get away with depicting various minorities as literal monsters and demons and openly talk about the urgent need to exterminate them all.

You don’t generally see that in public, because if you’re sufficiently clear and articulate with horrifying hate speech, sensible people rightfully see you as an existential threat and react accordingly. So the big game for bigots has always been, “what’s the closest we can say to what we literally mean that the average person will give us the benefit of the doubt on?”

Since I opened with it, let’s start with “free speech/censorship” as bigots use it. Somewhere over the years, bigots got the idea to willfully misread the first amendment of the U.S. constitution as saying that bigots have a constitutional right to say those most absolutely horrific things possible, and that any effort to criticize them for it is against everything the country stands for. This is, of course, totall bullshit. I’m fairly confident everyone in the world understands that this is total bullshit, but the sort of academics I’m criticizing above the fold are entirely too happy to smugly explain how that’s not what the amendment actually says rather than to actually address how hey, we’ve got some unrepentently evil monsters here who ultimately want to murder a bunch of innocent people lying to everyone’s face to try and recruit people into attacking anyone who opposes them.

There’s an extra simple version of this you can teach to less intellectually-minded bigots: “hey anytime anyone pushes back about anything you say just shout ‘free speech!’ or how you’re being censored,” and this worked pretty damn well for a good number of decades, only about now really hitting a point where they’re getting lazy enough in deploying it to be regularly using it in situations the average person is going to notice “wait this is just a euphemism for you wanting to call people slurs,” but we still have the ACLU and EFF being absolute marks and offering to defend absolute hatemongers because they lack the reading comprehension to see that no, nobody is actually defending their first amendment rights here. Once organizations like that clue in and it’s clear the population at large understands that anyone talking about being “censored” just doesn’t want to be criticized, and “free speech” means “I want to use slurs that would clearly violate hate speech regulations” they might finally retire it.

Meanwhile we have the term “political correctness” to describe bigots’ collective frustration with the cycle where they collectively imbue terms with so much raw undeniable hatred that all of society recognizes them as slurs, and they are forced to switch to relatively new slurs people haven’t yet caught onto. Basically, what’s the most horrible thing a bigot might use to describe, say, black people without it being so obvious they’d lose a political campaign for saying it. Perhaps ironically though, “political correctness” itself has kind of reached that level of infamy at this point.

It would be very nice if we could actually reach a point where we all stop playing this game completely, and fully remove unrepentant bigots ability to participate in society, rather than give them infinite chances to focus group a new set of dog whistles and use them unopposed until the next time people catch on. Until we reach a point where people have the stomach for that though, we can at least focus on shortening up the cycles as best we can, and start responding to this crap based on the actual clear meaning of what bigots are saying rather than pretending they’re using words the way a functional member of society would.

“SJW” got a lot of play over the past decade, but I feel like it was decoded pretty quickly. Theoretically there was a brief period where some people might have used it to describe some particular flavor of irritating person, but most people never heard it until straight up neo-nazis pushed it into the mainstream, and it was easy enough to just start explaining “it’s code for Jews.” Certainly helped along by how often they’d give the game away and actually leave the E in.

Presently, bigots are really going hog-wild with the hip new slur “W***.” And I’m genuinely baffled that it’s still managing to fly to any degree. Like with SJW, there was a pretty damn narrow window on when anyone used the term in any context other than as an explicitly hate-filled and dehumanizing slur.

See back in the summer of 2014 there was a particularly horrific incident where an innocent 18 year old was murdered in the middle of the street by a cop, who when questioned on why he shot an unarmed child who was over 20 feet away 12 times, explained that he was a demon with superpowers pulled from various video game and comic book characters who in fact became more powerful when shot repeatedly in the chest.

Local law enforcement, right-wing media figures, and prominent neo-nazi groups fervently backed the legitimacy of this utterly absurd defense. The murderer faced no real consequences, and the understandable protests and memorials were met with a nightmarishly militant police response. This kicked off a lasting public discussion of how yes, police do in fact routinely murder black children without consequence, mostly associated with the better known phrase Black Lives Matter.

However, as efforts to villify anyone uttering that particular set of words never really managed to crack into the mainstream, horrific bigots eventually began to instead create a negative association with the phrase “stay woke” which had a brief stint of popularity among activists as efforts were being made to metaphorically lull people back to sleep with absurd revisionist revisions of what was quite clearly a massive racist murdering a child. This peaked around 2016, when the phrase worked its way into the chorus of Childish Gambino’s Redbone, and it’s around here that bigots began to use “w***” as a slur, first alongside, then replacing “BLM” to... quite frankly, vent their anger over anyone daring to object to racists gunning down innocent black children in the middle of the street, but in a way that they could attempt some plausible deniability that they were in fact perhaps just angry at the vague concept of people “disliking right-wing values.”

For reason of, I assume, being totally checked out on the horrific murder that initially popularized the term, we are presently some 6-ish years into bigots just openly using “w***” as a slur, largely in a general catch-all sense applying to all marginalized people, but primarily targeting anyone opposed to the “right” to shoot black children on sight. I kinda feel like this is a real easy one to bury as the obvious monstrous slur it is. Just any time you see someone bust it out, ask them what the hell whatever subject they’re on about has to do with objecting to police murdering innocent children, and feel free to bust out this here history lesson as they sputter and try to come up with some alternate definition on the spot.

[musingsofarandomgirl]

I want to say something that's been in my mind for years. I've never wanted to call myself a feminist, even if I do stand up when women are treated unfairly. Why ? Because more often than not, women think that feminism is a competition against the opposite gender.

"I can do that better than men."

"This woman won the race over the other guys."

Feminism isn't about who's better than the other. At least it shouldn't be. Skill and talent don't even have anything to do with gender, anyway. I've seen it SO many times that it's sad, really, how feminism is used as tool to spit on the male gender. One time I searched for quotes from feminists, seeking empowering words, and instead I found statements that were downright terrifying and concerning of the person's mental wellbeing, women blatantly admitting to wanting to hurt men, insulting them and saying things that were absolutely foul and vile. I never went looking for feminist quotes again, let me tell you. And these famous, hateful women were the kind of people representing feminism ?

I hope it's gotten better now, but I still see it all the time - women using feminism as a weapon to opress men. Just because women have been opressed since the dawn of time does NOT give them the right to repeat the same experience with the male gender, because that is not fighting for women's rights - it's lowering yourself to the same level as your opressors, creating a vicious cycle serving only to satisfy your own ego. Is that the kind of world we want to create for the future generation, the example we want to set for our children ? Do NOT feed the ideal of sexism.

I also often see feminism confused with arrogance by a lot of "modern" women, nowadays, who refuse to receive help from men to prove they're not weak, that they can open the door on their own and climb counters to get a jar from the highest shelf. I'm sorry, is this what feminism's come to ? Whether you can open a door or reach the top shelf on your own ?

If you're truly a feminist, if you feel strong and confident in your own body...then why do you feel the need to prove it all the time, and repeatedly say it out loud - feeling insulted by simple acts of kindness, or gallantry ? That isn't feminism. It's insecurity disguised by arrogance, and it sets yet another bad precedent. If a person is truly confident in themselves, independent and strong, and they KNOW it, they wouldn't feel the need to say it all the time. They wouldn't care if other people believed it or not, because they know it in their hearts, and the opinion of others don't matter.

Feminism is about standing up to women who are treated unfairly. It's about equality - not competition, who's the best, a battle with the other gender, or whether a woman can do everything on her own. Feminism is about the rights women deserve, the way people see them and treat them.

And the issue isn't with men, because trust me I've encountered women who were sexist with their own gender quite a few times - which is honestly baffling. The issue is with ALL of us, us people as a whole. Women, men, everything in-between, and how we regard one another. Equality will never be achieved if humans always find a way to think themselves superior to something. Whether it's plants, animals, a measly mosquito, one country over another, one race over another, a man of a color and a man of another. Men over women. Women over men.

That is the true source of all our problems. Superiority. Until we find it in ourselves to realize we are no better than the next person in this tiny, tiny fraction of the universe - then we will always repeat the same mistakes, whether it's about racism, sexism, etc.

[luventi]

[ 08 : 00 PM ] GOJO SATORU

“you don’t think i can do it huh?” gojo asks. he’s leaning against the frame of your door with his arms crossed, staring at you through his circular glasses.

you fake mull over his question. turning your head to the side and squinting as if you were thinking long and hard. just so you could meet his eyes and say, “no toru, i do not.” as bluntly as you can.

gojo is exasperated. he’s appalled. beyond disrespected! on the brink of angry tweeting about you on his burner account! and more importantly, he’s hurt. but the twing of pain is short lived.

“what do you mean you don’t think i could be a good boyfriend!” he blurts out in a fit of annoyance, throwing his hands in the air like the idea was so far fetched. “i would be an amazing boyfriend!” gojo exclaims again but more to reassure himself as he moves to sit on your bed, directly next to you.

scooting away from his abnormally long legs you curse yourself and your overwhelming need to always be the one to kick him off his high horse. he shouldn’t have taken you so seriously, now he’s been following you around like a lost puppy waiting for you to take your statement back.

this all started when he was doing his daily activities of flirting and teasing you, right up until you knock his glasses off his stupid face that is. but today was different, satoru felt the need to boast about how perfect you two would be together. going on and on about the way you compliment each other so beautifully. how you would look like a dime on his arm, you almost puked.

sadly, (not really) it backfired on him when you and the rest of the second years agreed he would be a horrible partner to have. an absolute vile boyfriend.

“well for starters you don’t know personal space,” you gesture to his body practically smooshed against yours. “and you’re so full of yourself.” you bitterly add on thinking of all the times he purposely showed you up. more than once embarrassing you in front of the others and your teacher.

gojo scoffs, not thinking that something so insignificant as what you just mentioned contributes to him being a quote on quote “horrible disgusting garbage boyfriend”. those were just attributes that made him, him, right?

leaning in he tries to refute your words but instead takes note of how you awkwardly scoot away, trying but failing to busy yourself by looking around your room. gojo stares at you through the shade of his glasses for a bit, inspecting you from head to toe like a predator checks their prey out. calculating his next move.

“stop staring at me like that you freak.” you mumble in response to his weird behavior. your voice was just loud enough for him to hear you, but still too quiet.

he chuckles at your change of attitude. you see, satoru is perceptive. he’s been taking notice of how you react towards him in private settings.

the way you shy away from his gaze when he playfully backs you up against the vending machines at lunch. how you longingly stare at his lips when he teases you with a kiss. but his absolute favorite is when you slightly lean into his voice whenever he whispers vulgar words in your ear.

he notices it all.

“what if,” he starts backing up to rest both of his arms against your headboard, he looks confident, but in an eerie manner. like right before he gets sent on higher grade missions. you don’t like it.

“i prove to you just how good of a boyfriend i could be, will you believe me then?”

note. my stiny garbage boyfriend indeed <3! please reblog if you enjoyed and dark content blogs/consumers dni! | masterlist.

[1kook]

commercial break ; THREE

this is a netflix & chill drabble kook’s pov during their argument in d&b !

summary; But Jungkook loves the sun. warnings; post-fight, drinking, heart ache :( miscellaneous; everyone say thank u kim namjoon 🤩 word count; 1.5k

notes; a lot of people wanted to know his thoughts during the iconic d&b fight scene so here’s the closure we all needed </3 

He knows he’s said the wrong thing the second the last syllable departs from his lips.

Jungkook doesn’t mean it, that much he knows right away, but even still… there’s a silent moment of shock between the two of you, one where even he is surprised by his own tongue.

You move first, phone whipping across the room.

Now Jungkook has seen a lot of scary things in his life. He’s seen horror movies and walked through a cemetery at night once. He’s come home way past curfew and had to face the wrath of his normally lenient father. He’s sat front row in his first ever college seminar. Yet none of that fear, that anxiety, that dread, compares to the level of emotion he feels wrap around his throat the moment you get up.

“___, wait,” he calls out frantically, hands shaking the further and further you get. He has to tell you he doesn’t mean it, that he would never mean it. But how do you follow up a statement like that? Even when he catches your eyes, beautiful irises colder than the bottom of the ocean, he doesn’t know what to say. He stutters through an excuse he wouldn’t have believed himself and watches you slip further away.

Jungkook can’t let you leave, not when you’re so hurt and he’s so confused, but what else can he say? He doesn’t know, and when you angrily send him back inside he feels every bit the scolded child. Funny how that works.

He calls and calls until he realizes the muted hum from upstairs is the phone you left behind. He’s crazy and in love, desperately scouring through your social media accounts for a sign you’re safe and home. (You were on Twitter three minutes ago, so that’s a relief.) But even then he can’t relax, turning his own words over and over in his head.

Jungkook values a lot of things in your relationship. There’s a beautiful understanding that comes with being in love, a new sense of comfort he’d never felt before. You make him feel warm and in love, keep him grounded when the world threatens to swallow him beneath its surface. You care for him and he for you.

Where those thoughts had come from, he didn’t know. All he knew was that one minute you were picking at the edges of his patience, and the next he was shooting a dagger into your chest.

Self-reflection, Namjoon had always said, the key point to understanding oneself. Usually, that’s followed by some tips on yoga, on calming the mind, but his leg won’t stop bouncing and there’s a boa constrictor wrapped around his throat so that zen mentality will have to wait for now. A harsh exhale, foot thumping against the floor.

Carefully, he unscrambles his thoughts.

There were times you were childish and, for the most part, Jungkook didn’t mind. You brought out the most beautiful things in life with just your laughter alone. You roped him into doing things he never could enjoy growing up, which made him rekindle his love for old hobbies. If sunshine was a person, Jungkook is sure it was you.

You were bright and ever-burning, always with a mission in your head, even if it was something as small as cleaning your windows that day. A star, he thinks, except your smile alone garners the power of ten supernovas combined. The amount of joy and euphoria you’ve brought him this past year was immeasurable. You made him smile, even when you were tired, rising every morning and setting every night dutifully just like the sun.

But too much sunshine could be hot, scorching even.

His mom had mentioned it once, very early into your relationship, how you were a little too childish for Jungkook. He had angrily defended you, stormed out of his parents' house like he was ready to leave them all for you. (Would he? He likes to think so.) But a mother’s advice always haunted one the most.

Yes, your youthful outlook made his life colorful and bright, but there were times he found himself wondering what it would be like to have someone… not as outgoing.

Someone plain and always collected. Someone who would gently remind him of his deadlines, and watch all his favorite documentaries with him. Someone like him, he supposed, who matched his interests perfectly.

It sounds awfully boring.

It sounds terrible to be damned to such a dull life, especially now that he’s had a taste of you. You, who brings laughter and sunshine everywhere you go, his amazing other half. He’d hate it if you always did what he wanted— he loves when you pick at everything he likes because you let him do it back! Jungkook’s head was a never-ending spiral— that much he’s known from a young age. But with you in his life, it became fun and exhilarating. Gone was the dark tunnel and in its place was a twisty slide with loops and turns that defied all laws of gravity. It wasn’t a scary place anymore and it was all because of you.

You, who he might possibly lose forever. His own negligence was to thank, an inability to voice small issues until they piled up and became this big, warped monster that no longer pertained to his original frustrations. It was an ugly thing, so twisted and vile, taking the thoughts he seldom had and weaponizing them against you.

Was that it? Had those mindless thoughts been the root of today’s brash decisions. Jungkook wants to blame it on that, but part of him knows it’s his own inability to share his feelings that led to that spontaneous outburst. There were obviously some things he still needed to work on, but pinning it all on you, his dazzling ray in the sky, was the worst move he could have made. Self-reflection, he repeats to himself.

His heart is still pounding in his ears, drumming obnoxiously loud as if it wants to torture him for his actions. His phone rings across the room and Jungkook lunges for it, hoping and praying it’s you.

It’s not.

It’s just Namjoon calling to wish the two of you a happy anniversary. “You two having fun?” he teases before Jungkook can get so much as a greeting in.

“Hyung,” he chokes out hoarsely, glancing down at the ground. “I-I said something to ___,” he whispers even though there is no one here to hide from but his own crippling thoughts. “And I don’t think she’s coming back.”

His voice cracks a little. He hides it with a gulp so dry it hurts. “What?” Namjoon asks. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook sighs, running a hand over his eyes. “Are you busy right now?”

—

“You need to go to bed,” Namjoon tells him, ambling the two of them up the stairs. Jungkook snorts, sliding against the entire wall on the way up.

“I refuse,” he announces. He has to pause on the next step because he’s pretty sure there’s about four of the same step whirling before his eyes. Beside him, Namjoon sighs. “Hyung, I can’t see.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes, deciding the stairs are too much of a hassle and guiding them back to the living room instead. “Couch,” he informs him before rather carelessly dumping him onto it. “Listen,” he begins, crouching down beside Jungkook. “It’s like, 4 AM… and I have work tomorrow. So I’m going to leave,” he says, slowly pointing in the direction of outside. Jungkook nods, even though Namjoon is definitely pointing upside-down backward. “Okay, JK?”

“That’s me,” he agrees, letting his head slump back against a throw pillow. Namjoon groans.

“That is you,” he concedes. “And you need to sober up before you try talking to ___ again.”

The mere mention of your name turns a switch on inside him. “Can’t,” he whines, features twisting up together. “She hates me. Will cut my balls off.”

Namjoon goes to protest but eventually stops himself. “Yeah, well. Probably.” Jungkook wails at his friend’s poor attempt at consoling him. “Sleep a little and then head over to hers, okay?” He pats him on the cheek once before finally making his exit.

Jungkook can’t believe this. How embarrassing. If you saw him right now, you’d clown him for getting this drunk off wine. But he truly understands it now. It was the devil’s drink, so sweet and cooling only to suddenly slap him across the face with his own insobriety. Oh, his head was going to ache badly later.

Well, that was a problem for later’s Jungkook, he decides as he slinks off the couch and back into the kitchen. There’s a new box of cherry vodka he’d bought just for tonight—or last night, technically—because he knows it’s your favorite. And well. He misses you so much he’ll do anything to feel close to you again.

He’s not sure how long he sits on the floor, swing after swing going down his throat until he’s got three extra fingers and a new middle name. Just that when the sun finally filters through, so warm and bright, he finds himself missing you again. His feet take him out the door before he can think twice.

The morning rays bring with them a wicked headache that almost has Jungkook throwing up into his bushes. Part of him, the last droplet of reason, tells him he should change. He’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday and they reek. Furthermore, the sun is hellbent on soaking up every inch of his black clothing.  

He should change if he doesn’t want to suffocate in this heat, under this blazing sun in the sky.

But Jungkook loves the sun.

He walks on.

—

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[andromedasummer]

Fingers crossed that he's not far right though. I came into watching racing in general and fe in particular from a sport where that unfortunately is a very common occurrence so like. Sadly, people being careless somehow hurts less (there's some hope still that, you know. Personal growth etc) than people being actively, consciously, purposefully aggressive and vile. I'm absolutely not saying that it's not hugely disappointing and generally a dangerous outlook to have, as you've said, that what happens to others doesn't concern them, but I hope you get what I mean.

when you watch sports you get attached to people and you want to believe in your heart that theyre a good person. so of course it's heartbreaking when they share views that not only reject that completely, but could also go against your safety if you're a minority.

god knows what happened in portugal 2020 practise was the start of my disconnection from f1. ultimately, no one in the sport stood up and could give a definite condemning statement on what max said. lots of hemming and hawing from pundits at best, comments of "we've all said things in the car" at worst. it breaks the illusion of it being something fun and disconnected from the real world. its now very connected, connected to the continuation of harmful views that affect many people, views that affected me.

because those people could have those views and be unaffected by the following wave of prejudice fueled by their statements or lackthereof. leaving a very loud space of ambiguity thats clearly been left for the comfort of some fans while throwing others under the bus.

it sucks and its why i much prefer to watch other motorsports now. i dont have to be pulled out of my enjoyment by a commentator saying something sexist or vaguely racist accusations made from staff in different teams. like you mentioned with fe, theres clear left-wing ideals tied into the sport that show a thread that connects the drivers (for whom the series matters) and these ideas. alexander sims being explicitly left-wing. venturi's progress pride flag (when they could have gone with the rainbow flag they made an effort to include trans people and poc). partnering with charlie martin. envision tried to support autistic people but, unfortunately, went with autism speaks. (attempt was made but do better next time PLEASE)

even with the odd right-wing moron (di grassi) the sport is clearly made with all people in mind. with the environment in mind. with electric road cars and a better future in mind. its really, really relieving to see after so much apathy.

[justcourttee]

Call It What You Want-One Shot Song Prompt

So, I recently saw @marimacaron​ post this song prompt fic for daminette and I absolutely loved it and knew I had to try and write it! I hope it’s close to what you imagined :)

Marinette’s eyes fell to the glittering rock on her left hand, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she hit post on her computer. Within seconds, hundreds of comments and likes flooded her Instagram from fans and friends alike, most wishing her well for her engagement, a few earning a chuckle at their distress that she was now ‘off the market’.

She reached forward to shut her laptop when one comment in particular caught her eye.

@alyabloglyfe: Why are you still vying for attention? We all know @queenlyla is engaged to Damian Wayne, I mean, why would he be interested in a liar and bully like you?

Already, twenty fans were fighting the girl’s comment, dissing Alya and defending Marinette’s honor, but it didn’t seem to help the punch to the gut she was experiencing. Her fingers lingered over the keyboard, the room seeming to blur around her.

All of a sudden, she felt fifteen again, trapped in her bedroom only being able to scroll through the hate mail that flooded her inbox from all of her former friends. She thought that begging her parents to allow her to pull out of school and switch to an online platform would deter them from attacking her so often, but it only made things worse as they became more confident and vile in their bullying as they could hide behind a screen.

Every night, Marinette would cry herself to sleep wondering what she did so wrong to deserve all of this until one day she decided it would be enough. She deleted all of her social media, even taking down her MDC commissions page, asking her clients to meet her in person or via phone call to schedule fittings and commissions. And it worked, at least for a little while, until they started to vandalize her parent’s bakery, breaking windows and spray painting signs, the cops never seeming to catch them.

Her fingers tapped out the first sentence of her response, her eyes absentmindedly glazed over as she wrote a paragraph, then two, all directed to Alya. She was about to hit send when she felt a pair of arms snake around her shoulders, warm breath tickling the back of her ears.

“How’d your fans take the news?” his deep voice felt like a lifeline as she slammed her laptop shut, blinking away the empty feeling Alya had brought.

He let out a low whistle as he unwinded himself, allowing her to stand up from the desk and fall into his outstretched arms.

“That good, huh?”

She forced out a dry laugh as she buried her face into his chest.

“Just a few people upset that I’m officially a taken woman.”

It was his turn to laugh as she pulled back, taking in the sight of his carefree face. It was always so beautiful, so much peace that he held, all reserved for her.

“Do you have any plans tonight? You know Richard will want to host an exaggerant engagement feast.” He rolled his eyes, but his smile gave him away. She knew he secretly loved being the center of attention, especially when it came to his family.

“I’ll make sure to have everything done by 5 today, promise.”

Ducking under his arms, she slung her purse over her head, making a beeline for the door.

“Do you need Alfred to escort you?” he called after her retreating figure but it was too late, she was gone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Exiting the fabric store, Marinette made her way down Gotham’s winding streets, her head in another place as she tried to recall anything she could’ve missed.

“This is why you should’ve brought your list with you Marinette!” Tikki popped their head out of her purse, their arms crossed in a scolding manner.

“I would have Tikki, but you know how overprotective he is. He would’ve insisted I waited for Alfred to come down to the apartment to drive me and no offense to Alfred, but sometimes a girl just wants to be alone.”

Her pace slowed as a familiar landscape came into her sight.

“Oh wow Tikki, I haven’t been here in almost three years.” her voice trailed off as she scanned over the construction crew working on the new gymnasium.

“Gotham Academy! This is where you transferred to right?”

She didn’t answer the small God as she took a step forward, placing a hand on the elegant banisters leading up the school stairs. The fresh scent of cleaning supplies filled her nostrils as she closed her eyes, her mind falling back to the comment from earlier.

She was only sixteen when her parents allowed her to transfer. It was in both of their best interests as they couldn’t afford to keep repairing the bakery her former friends destroyed. She was a mere shell of a person when she entered those doors for the first time. She had already decided that she wasn’t going to make any friends this time around, after all, no friends meant no one to stab her in the back, as they all do eventually.

But then something strange happened. The student who was assigned to show her around for the first week was just as cold and calculated. His thorns were just as sharp as hers, neither opening up much to the other. She had planned for warm and inviting, the fake friends trying to pry her open, but she hadn’t planned for someone to hold her attention, someone as cold as her.

One week turned into two, and then a month passed and she dared to consider him her friend.

“Marinette? Marinette? Are you still in there?”

She slowly opened her eyes to a concerned kwami, Tikki’s small hands shaking her nose to the best of their ability.

“I’m fine Tikki, just a bit of reminiscing I suppose.”

Continuing again, Marinette soon found herself in front of her studio. The little bell rang through the place as ten heads popped up, all wearing bright smiles. Unique almost tackled her in a hug before the door had even closed.

“Marinette! We were so excited when you posted this morning! It was sooo hard keeping your relationship a secret when customers asked!”

Hannah and Brooke nodded in agreement as the girls all left their work stations to admire her ring.

“Can we help you design your wedding dress?” Hannah clasped her hands together, earning a chorus of please’s throughout the room.

Marinette chuckled as she brought the women into a big group hug.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, enough small talk, let’s get down to business, anything new?”

It was as if someone switched a flip in the room, the girls jumping from excited to serious as they all handed in folders, giving her a brief of each new commission. It was going to be a long day of work, certainly. . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . Her keys jiggled in the apartment lock as she practically fell in, all of her energy drained.

“Damian? Do we have any coffee?”

She didn’t hear an answer as she reached for the cupboard, bringing down her favorite mug. Damian had given it to her a month into them dating. Her fingers absentmindedly reached to her neck where a small D sat on an elegant gold chain.

“I don’t understand Mari-san. You wearing his initial is a statement that he owns you. How is that romantic?”

She adjusted her phone to give Kagami a better look at the necklace, smiling softly as she held the D between two fingers.

“Because Kagami it’s not like that, I don’t wear it cause he ‘owns me’. I wear it because for the first time in a while, I really feel like someone really knows me, ya feel?”

“I do not ‘feel’ but if you are happy, then it is an acceptable gift, as is the coffee mug with the picture of you two.”

The whistle from the coffee machine drew her attention back to the present as Tikki flashed her a smile from where they sat on the Keurig.

“Thank you Tikki. I’m going to need this,” she held up her steaming mug, a tired smile flashing gratefully at the God.

Downing the cup, she placed it in the sink before pulling out her phone seeing three missed texts from Damian stating he would be home soon.

“Well Tikki, at least I’m not the one running late for once.” The two shared a small laugh before they headed towards her bedroom to get dressed for the night. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Damian squeezed her hand tightly as they made their way through Wayne Manner’s garden.

“There could be a small thousand here tonight, are you ready for that Mrs Wayne?”

His smile was blinding as her heart beat rapidly at the sound of him calling her by his last name.

“I most certainly am Mr. Wayne.”

As they rounded the corner to the back of the gardens, Marinette couldn’t help but laugh at the number of people Dick had invited. Loud cheers erupted from every inch of the yard causing her entire face to flash red.

“I might’ve underestimated, I’d say at least three thousand.”

He squeezed her hand once more before he was pulled off into the crowd. She smiled at the genuine fear crossing his face as people began berating him about children so soon.

“Well, well, well, a beautiful woman in distress. Please allow me to be your stand in to ward off the power hungry tonight.”

Jason slung his arm over her shoulders earning a laugh from the smaller girl.

“I am eternally grateful for your services Monsieur Todd.”

They chatted lightly as he led her back to where her future family all stood, all practically vibrating from excitement, even Bruce.

“Mari! I’m so excited! I really thought he was going to force me to hold this a secret for forever.”

Dick pulled her into a bone crushing hug, only pulling back when Barbara and Stephanie forced him to. They each took their turns expressing their excitement for the wedding, Tim even going as far as to say he never thought it would happen.

“What? We were all thinking it! Demon spawn? Happy and smiling all the time? It’s scary!” he shuddered sending another round of laughter throughout the group.

Marinette brought up her phone, snapping a picture, posting it immediately to her Insta.

@mdcdesigns: So excited to officially be a part of this family. (not that I haven’t considered them family for years now :))

She was about to slide her phone back into her purse when something caught her attention. Almost instantly, a private message from Alya sat in her inbox. She wanted to ignore it, but the curiosity was eating her up.

@alyabloglyfe: Soo what?You don’t post for months and all of a sudden you show up with a double post about a supposed engagement to Damian Wayne?

What is this?

A publicity stunt?

A desperate cry to try and hurt Lyla even after all these years?

I demand an answer ‘bestie’

Her heart beat clenched at the last message as she felt the tears trying to pool in her eyes. So many years had passed and Alya still believed her to be the liar and failure that Lila painted her out to be.

She wanted to respond to the messages, but she wasn’t even sure what to say. Her fingers lingered over her keyboard as she looked up, trying to collect her thoughts. Then she saw him. His calm smile, his shining green eyes, the love radiating from him all directed to her. His eyes met hers as he excused himself from the person he was talking to.

“Are you alright habibti?”

His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her into his side. It was as if everything faded away, the only thing she could see was him. Standing on her tiptoes, she gently placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m doing better than I ever was.”

He smiled, seemingly satisfied with her answer as she unlocked her phone once more, her fingers moving quickly across the keyboard.

@mdcdesigns: Alya, I don’t need this from you or Lila anymore. I have a world famous business, 1.3 million followers and fans, a loving new family and a fiance who loves me like I’m brand new despite the damage you put me through.

You don’t really want to know what I call this, because you’ll only distort it to fit your fantasy that Lila painted for you so you know what?

Call it what you want :)

She moved to the top of the screen, blocking her old friend without a second thought. After all, she had her new life and it had no room for the past to ruin that. Raising her glass, she leaned forward to clink it with the rest, a new sense of relief flowing through her.

“To Damian, for finally proposing before I had to.”

They all cheered to his mock protests as they brought their flutes to their lips, celebrating the next chapter in their lives, not a single worry filling the space, only love.

Permanent Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ash-amg @rebecarojas07

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 163 - In The Trenches

Jon: You could see that tower from anywhere on Earth. And it can see you. And if you walk towards it, eventually you’ll get there. But you have to go through everything in between. Martin: You're being ominous again. Jon: Sorry. Sorry.

Okay, this made me chuckle. Martin's fighting a losing battle, though. I mean, "ominous" is basically one of Jon's main personality traits at this point.

[Low bagpipe music and sounds of explosions in the background] Martin (quietly): Jon, I'm scared. Jon: (also quietly): Yes. That's the idea. [Tape clicks off] [Tape clicks on] [VERY LOUD BAGPIPE MUSIC, EXPLOSIONS AND GUNSHOTS EVERYWHERE, ABSOLUTE FUCKING MAYHEM AND SOUNDS OF JON AND MARTIN RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES]

I really like the soundscaping in this episode (the bagpipe music over everything, especially. I've said this about half a dozen times now but I find the Slaughter-music connection very intriguing).

It is a butchered border, a thin and punctured membrane between the unending meat grinder and the terrified victims it longs for. - Jon

It's notable that this episode really plays with sounds to evoke violence - not just the background noise, but the writing, the way that Jon says these words - the Bs in "butchered border" and the P in "punctured" hit like gunshots.

Ishaan remembers the recruiters. He was promised valor, and camaraderie, and the chance to be part of something meaningful. He knew that part had been a lie, but then – so was the choice. His alternative was stagnant poverty, and that was really no choice at all.

In season 5, TMA really goes from being occasionally and fairly subtly political to "We have opinions and we will let you hear them". Given that I happen to share those opinions and that they are integrated in a skillful way that works with the story rather than pausing it in its tracks and doesn't break immersion, I consider that an advantage, though.

Sometimes, in the distance, Hasana can even see an enemy triage tent, almost identical in appearance to her own. She can only imagine the atrocities that must take place inside.

Okay, this episode isn't exactly SUBTLE about the whole "the enemy is monstrous, not like our heroic ... waaaait a minute" thing, but I still appreciate the way it's done here, with these lines following a long, lovingly detailed, absolutely horrific description of the gruesome scenes in Hasana's own triage tent.

He runs almost headfirst into a portly man in a tailored suit with a blood-red flower on his lapel. (...) “Good lad,” he says. “Good lad. Heroes one and all. A noble sacrifice.” Alexei starts to speak, to say he doesn’t want to be a hero; he doesn’t want to be a sacrifice; he wants to go home. But the man with the flower reaches his hand into the soldier’s chest, and with a single, jolly motion, plucks out Alexei’s heart and places it in his wallet.

Again, not subtle, but I fucking GASPED at the red poppy reference, the hint at how what is supposed to be rememberance is misused for more war propaganda.

Next to his bleeding corpse, Charlie wakes from what passes for sleep in this place.

I already assumed that when people die in the Slaughter's domain, they don't actually die-die because that would be a release from the horror, but this explicit confirmation still made me go "Oh shit."

My impression of this episode

This is poetry. Horrifying, horrifying poetry. Made better by the fact that this is the first domain we see in detail, so this is an entirely NEW style of statement. I was pretty impressed after my first listen.

Favourite quotes (that I don't have commentary for, the rest is up there with commentary)

But there is no mercy for deserters here. On one side of the trench the hungry guns of the vile enemy wait. And on the other, the just guns of heroes will cut you down no slower, save perhaps a breath to call you coward.

[geraltcirilla]

What did Jenny Nicholson do to John Boyega? Genuinely curious, it's the first time I'm hearing of this and would love to know so I can stop paying her any attention if she doesn't deserve it

Disclaimer before I get started: I’m a white woman and this topic is about racism perpetuated by white woman so please keep that in mind as you read. I’m gonna do my absolute best to echo what I’ve seen black people say about this situation and this type of covert racism but I am not black so they get final say on this topic.

This is not an easy thing to explain in it’s entirety because it happened about a year ago on Twitter and Jenny deleted a lot of Tweets after the fact because she’s a spineless coward. I’m going to do my best to remember and I’ll include any receipts I can find, which unfortunately will be limited to what people saved at the time. :(

This all started because John made a joke about Rey and Finn having sex on Twitter.

It was a harmless silly joke. And it was not about Reylo. But Reylos took it upon themselves to be personally offended and absolutely LOST it at him, calling him a misogynist, saying his statement was sexist, and sending him a slew of harassment, hate, and racism.

Now there’s a lot of hypocrisy going into this controversy because Reylos are notorious for sexualizing Rey often to disgusting degrees, like demanding the actual Star Wars movies be more explicit, saying light sabers are phallic symbols, accusing JJ Abrams of wanting Rey to stay his pure virginal Mary Sue, etc. (I’m not gonna bother providing receipts on this, just search the Reylo hashtags on Tumblr or Twitter, or check out the Twitter @ShitReylosSay). Let me make it clear that sexually explicit =/= sexist, and John’s statement was not sexist. Period. At the end of the day I think they were just looking for an excuse to attack John. Because he cannot breath without people attacking him.

Well John noticed right away it was Reylos going at him so he took the opportunity to drag Reylo.

Was he being a petty? Of course he was, but he had EVERY RIGHT TO after the endless racism he has endured from the Star Wars fandom. People are always applauding white actors like Robert Pattinson and Jacob Elordi for shitting on shows, movies, or fandoms related to their work. But when John does it suddenly he’s “unprofessional”?

John eventually started replying to some of the Tweets being sent at him.

They were all along this vein where a person was being outright hostile and vile, so yeah, he had every right to respond.

This all culminated in him picking out a bunch of hateful Tweets being thrown his way and posting this video to Instagram.

Well this triggered Reylos even more so they shifted tactics and took the whole white feminist approach that he was “attacking SHIPPING CULTURE which is majorly made up of WOMEN so he’s a MISOGYNIST”. They wrote these long essays and Twitter threads about how John was spreading harmful messages etc. But he wasn’t attacking shipping culture, he was attacking Reylo. Because it’s vile and abusive and he was no longer contractually obligated to endure it. And honestly? His tweet was mild at best. 

But please remember all this started because John made a joke that Rey and Finn ended up together. HE DID NOT START ON REYLO. THEY STARTED ON HIM. Everything that happened was reactionary on his part. We as a society refuse to let black people defend themselves and it’s fucked up and racist.

One of these pseudo-intellectuals spreading the whole “John is a misogynist and Reylo shippers are his VICTIMS uwu” narrative was none other than Jenny Nicholson.

Just so you know the “inbreds” comment was photoshopped by a white fan, not that Jenny would tell her incredibly large audience this to prevent spreading further slander about John.

A lot of people started replying to Jenny telling her why SHE as a WHITE WOMAN framing herself and other Reylos as the VICTIM of John, a BLACK MAN who did absolutely nothing to her or anyone besides not like Reylo and defend himself against online harassment and bullying, was racist.

And you know what she did? She blocked them all.

And to this day she continues to block anyone who brings it up because she’s a spineless coward who can’t be bothered to own up to her racist slip-ups.

Some of these people were being mean, but most were not. Some were nicer than she deserved. She still blocked them. She didn’t want to see any form of criticism (constructive or not) sent her way.

She even had the nerve to go at John AGAIN during the BLM protests after George Floyd was murdered because she has no fucking clue how to read a room. This was her bringing back her distasteful dislike of John DURING THE BLM MOVEMENT when John made that emotional speech in London’s Hyde Park. This was not the time or place but she can’t seem to help herself.

As a white woman with respect, authority, and a large audience, who viewed as an “intellect” on online spaces so her opinion is taken more seriously thank others, the things she says matter and impact a large group of people. She used her whiteness and her woman-ness to frame herself and other white women as John’s victim when she was not, because she knew it would be easy and she would get away with it. And she did and she has. As one person in the screencaps above tweeted so gracefully, she “participated in the fandom dogpile of John” when he had done nothing wrong except exist and have opinions.

Jenny is your classic example of a performative ally and she accidently showed her true colors. I no longer trust any white female video essayist who ship Reylo and are friends with Jenny because you know they all silently agree with what she was stupid enough to say out loud. This means Lindsay Ellis as well.

I believe the reason she refuses to acknowledge this situation is because she would be forced to either apologize or confess she still stands by what she said. And based off her vague-tweeting the situation as recent as June of 2020 I feel safe saying she still believes she was in the right.

The receipts I offered are only a small part of a much larger jumbled mess. I didn’t include everything there was but even this small amount is pretty damning.

[rosaetae]

stay warm this winter— three

☇ “And do me a favor. Stay warm this winter. xx.”

part one / part two / part three

➣ pairing: reader x hoseok

➣ genre: exes2enemies2lovers!au, angst, CEO!hoseok

➣ word count: 10.9k words

➣ a/n: hello darlings. thank you for reading this three-part series! it means the world to me that a lot of you found this story so invigorating and worth the read. i know you’ve been anticipating this part and i apologize on my end because i really did have trouble trying to complete the end of their chapter. i do hope you enjoy this last bit and i hope you all are doing well during this time. i hope you guys are safe and staying the fuck inside :D 

➣ summary: when a young ceo arrives in the area one winter day, everyone is falling in love with him and his charm. and quite ironically for you, you’ve already fell down that hole before.

Hoseok doesn't know how to tell you.

The night he was formally accepting the position that he has worked so hard for, he loved making eye contact with you during his thank you. The irony of the whole situation in itself was laughable from afar— if one knew that him accepting the position meant leaving and you standing in the crowd all oblivious to the entirety of the acceptance, one would snicker or stifle a laugh at the adoring look that you gave him and the one that he returned. Albeit the irony, Hoseok would rather catch the look of you in a sea of thousands.

Perhaps, it is his fault for letting himself carelessly onto you— but as always, you have this odd energy that always and successfully pulls him towards you no matter what stands in the way, however, he can't make that an excuse for not telling you what he's always known. A sorry excuse that would be.

Though, he will not deny that every time he sees you, words are physically pulled straight from his mouth and there are no thoughts left in his head— hell, when it comes to you, he can't think in a straight line. If his thoughts took a sobriety test, it is no doubt that he would not pass it, as the very sole thought of your name or the image of your face has him drunk, intoxicated, higher than under influence in the world. A burning star, a reckless wildfire, he has a flaming urge to hold you— to let the pads of his thumb caress your cheek, to feel your chest rise and fall against his, and to never let go of you. His star. His wildfire.

He, admittedly, knew that there was no absolute way for him to tell you without breaking your heart.

Scratch that.

He knew that there no absolute way for him to tell you without breaking his heart.

He knows this.

He knows that each second that he puts it off to the side, the longer he would lose you forever. A bottle in the ocean, unsure of where it goes. He knows that there truly is no easy way to tell you. Words aren't as easy to come by when it comes to you— you aren't the press waiting for one wrong thing to say or an ambassador waiting to be impressed. No, no, no, you are someone who deserves heart-engraved words. He knows that you don't make it easy either. From the way your eyes light up when you see him or the way you smile— and god, was it hard to see that smile again, especially the smile that was honourably earned by him. The rarity of the curls of your lips and the ivory pearls strung beneath your nose that make an appearance due to him is a privilege, one that he is greatly proud to announce.

Hoseok knows this, but he, being completely blindsided (because who could think properly when it comes to you), chooses not to.

And here you are— you don't know how to bring it up.

Having told the rather big news that only seemed so big to you (and only you), you knew that if you brought it up, you risk losing him again.

Simple as that.

It is an inevitable— one that circles your mind more than you realize, but it can never be brought up when your eyes meet his or his presence lingers in the same room; he, in more ways than one, makes you crazy.

Hoseok always made you crazy— the biggest tease you've ever met and the biggest sweetheart you managed to fall in love with... and to leave.

Maybe that is why you refuse to bring it up or to even mention it. He doesn't know that you know, but he sure as hell knew he was going to leave in the first place. Even this, you are so frightened of losing him again. To have to deal with saying goodbye and not knowing when to see him again— all over again—, you will not be able to bare it. At least, not when you were ready this time.

You will admit, before you were told about him moving back to Brandmont, your hopeless romantic side got the best of you and thought that maybe this was the time you both were meant to be. Maybe because he finally knew why you left in the first place, or that you were emotionally and financially stable, or that you were letting yourself fall in love with him all over again.

And that's why it is so hard to bring it up.

If you do, you are bound to lose him again. Gripping onto sand, letting the bits slip and slip and slip from your hands. 

You are bound to let your heart break once again.

Every Wednesday and Friday, you look forward to your lunch break. Before, it's never been a big deal, but once the hand hits 1:00 PM, your heart jumps, and you're immediately taking your keys to drive to the place you previously called to pick up the food you called in for.

The best part— Allen seems more peachy each day you show up and force him to chug down a new drink you get for him.

"Allen! This one's a peach mango smoothie."

"I hope you like green tea lattes because apparently this one is the best in town."

"I know, Allen, I'm amazing. I got you a power smoothie and you don't even have to thank me."

Maybe you tease him a lot, but it's what proves to you that he is capable of holding some sort of personality in the workplace. Besides, it's not like he can say no to a free drink.

In the past, when you would visit, the sole thought of Hoseok moving to Brandmont flies over your head each time you take a step into his office with his lunch. It's as if seeing his grin when he notices it's you who enters his office washes away all of the worries that has you worked up.

It's different than how he, before, wouldn't even dare spare a glance at you. As if you were something so vile that is worth saving his eyesight for. The first time you saw him again, you almost couldn't breathe or even register in that moment that it was him right in front of you. Hell, when you stepped forward he retracted so fast, it was as if you spit hellfire in his face.

And now, you see him with each living minute you can and when you do, he doesn't sneer away or avoid eye contact. He'd raise his eyes stiffly, and when his eyes focus on yours and comprehend that it's you in living form standing in front of him, you would notice that his shoulders immediately relax, and occasionally, a smile would grow on his face.

One day, Hoseok was in a middle of a meeting and instead of waiting in his office for him to come in, you sit in front of Allen's desk, a smile on your face as you place his random concoction in front of him. You got him another green tea latte, iced, because it was surprisingly warm that day.

"Are you here to bother me?" Allen presses, his eyes not tearing away from his computer as you shrug, sipping at your own coffee you had the luxury to buy yourself.

"As always," you quirk, throwing a wink at him as he lets out a dreadful sigh that leads to release a tiny laugh, amused by how annoyed he is with you. "You love it when I talk to you, admit it. I'm your only friend in this building."

He lets out a slight offended gasp. "I have other friends, too."

"Your computer doesn't count."

There, he lets out a chuckle, shaking his head before he gives you a look. "Don't you have a lap to sit on?"

And with that, you're laughing, gaping at how bluntly he let that roll of his tongue, and it seems that your laugh triggered him to laugh, and now you two were bathing in fits of loud chuckles that echoed in the room and probably annoyed other employees.

"Allen."

The respectable noise of what is Jung Hoseok's voice rang true enough to stop the laughter that elicited from you and Allen's throat. The way the silence preceded was different amongst you both, in which Allen immediately shut his mouth whereas you still had an amused grin on your face as your chuckles simply fades out into a decrescendo. You turn your head to face him, watching at his hard features flickers from you and Allen. When you glance at Allen, his head is dropped to his keyboard, making you roll your eyes at Hoseok.

"In my office, ___," he speaks as if a father scolding his child. You roll your eyes at the gravity of his command.

You grab the food that you set on the chair next to you and the cupholder, you leaning in quietly to Allen. "I got this."

He doesn't say a word as you trail behind Hoseok, him opening his door, and leaving his hand flat on it for you to enter. Your arm brushes his torso, but you ignore such contact.

If there was anything you can do, it was not to shine a fearful eye towards Hoseok, even when he is the most intimidating person in the room.

Once the door closes and you've set his lunch on his desk, you turn around to face him, raising an eyebrow. It was as if once the door closed, his previous demeanor completely disappeared because now there's a small smile on his face, completely distinct from his hard gaze towards you and Allen.

"Really?"

He mindlessly approaches his lunch, taking it out of the bag along with the forks and napkins.

"Hoseok," you begin, crossing your arms sternly at him. Never mind his statement, you were more concerned about your new-becoming friend that just so happens to tremble under this man's gaze.

"Hm?"

You scoff, narrowing your eyes at how different he easily can be. "Hoseok, you've got to stop treating Allen like that."

"What do you mean?" To that, you roll your eyes.

"The boy can't even rack up the nerve to look you in the eye," you tell him as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. "He cares about his job— do I have tell you again?"

"___," he stops, placing the plastic fork on top of the take-out box. "There's a way things work under this building, and Allen is my—"

"He's your personal assistant," you finish, dragging out the last part as if he was your own mother lecturing you. "I'm not saying be besties and drink beers with the guy, I'm telling you to stop treating him like you're about to fire him and ruin him for life. It's like he can't even enjoy one little moment such as having small talk with me or even drink a smoothie that I bought for him."

Then you pause. A dramatic one that catches his attention, causing him to look up, an eyebrow arched.

"You're jealous," you conclude.

The sheer incredulousness forming on his face in reaction to your wild accusation allows him open his mouth and close it immediately after, struck with complete awe at your insane conclusion. However, you don't let his words come out of his mouth as you open yours.

"Nuh-uh, you don't get to give me a reason because whatever excuse that comes out of your mouth doesn't matter since you're treating your one and only loyal personal assistant like complete shit." Shaking your head hastily, you wave a hand, dismissing Hoseok's next words. "You know, you're lucky you have a personal assistant. If I had one, I wouldn't be taking advantage of them and then kick em' to the curb."

"___, why would I be jealous?"

"Maybe because I actually like talking to him more than you?" You threw that in there to purposely tease him, amusement purely being evident in your tone, but by the way his face hardened and his eyebrow was raised, the road didn't exactly go both ways. "I was kidding—"

"I have a reputation to uphold, and I won't let that slip just for anyone," he interrupts, causing you to pinch your lips back into your mouth. You wanted to reply with: "You did for me", but decided against it as he continues to speak. "Besides, I have you way head over heels for me to even think that's a possible reason."

Hearing his former, you blantently blink at his words, shaking your head slightly. "Woah there, big guy." You scoff lightly at his cocky remark and the expanse of how big his ego was growing right before your eyes. "What was that? You become "boss man" for nearly a week and now you're thinking you got the biggest dick in the room?"

He lowly laughs, standing up and circling around his desk to lean against it, shoving his hands into his pockets. "More like I've noticed you warming up to me. I know you don't drop off lunch for just anyone."

Hoseok's words confuse you, but all you could do was respond with a defensive riposte. "That doesn't mean—"

"Keep denying it all you want," he cuts you off, knowing that he caught you sheepishly flustered. The words are trapped in your throat before he looks at you with a smile. "But know that the feeling is just as mutual."

You stare in silence. "What?"

"It takes two to tango," he smirks. "May I remind you that I don't make dinner for just anyone, ___."

His statement makes your heart skip a beat. You weren't sure if it was because he found out that you barely make yourself dinner the night he found out everything, but he did make an effort to show up at your doorstep after your shift at times with a bag full of groceries.

The first night he showed up after that night, you had just gotten out of the shower when he rang the doorbell. At first, to have him see you in your pajamas and wet hair, you were confused about his whereabouts being anywhere near you after your shift right before he asked to make you dinner. The question was straightforward, but it did take you aback before you ultimately agreed.

He made snarky comments about your pajamas while you watched him cook in the kitchen, offering him a variety of drinks as you felt bad that you had nothing to really serve him as a decent person who has a guest in their house, but he didn't really seem to care as he settled for water and focused on making curry that night.

From then on, it wasn't the last time you'd find him at your front step after you showered.

"So what I'm hearing is," you begin, walking towards him to forwardly taunt him. "You're crazy for me, Jung Hoseok."

You walk close enough to place your hands on his shoulders, an action that causes him to raise his eyebrows at your sudden movement, but it also had him automatically planting his hands to your hips.

There's an attraction between you two that even he can feel. It could be that your thoughts remained of him, filling your mind of that moment when he planted his lips on yours right in front of your mother and of course, you'd be lying if you said that you didn't want that moment to happen again.

"Hm, but not as crazy as you are for me," he lowly muses, purposely bringing you closer with a simple pull of your hips.

"Want to bet that?"

"Surely, you'll lose," he says, a smirk pulling on his face. You shoot him a look, challenging him before you're noticing that the space between you two had gotten extremely small.

Time is slower in your head, more anticipation than when he last caught you by utter surprise and kissed you right on the spot (in front of your mother). But this time— this moment— was achingly painful as you hoped silently he would pull back, but rather be the one to—

Your body acts to its own accord, bringing your lips onto his with. It was more gentle, something that was distinct from the way he smashed his lips onto yours, but you also don't miss the way he sighs into it, as if he had been widely anticipating it as you are, admittedly, enjoying the moment just as much.

Unsure why, but that kiss brought more nostalgia than when he very first placed his lips on yours. It reminds you of the very beginning when he kissed you when dropping you off home. That one was soft and tender— innocent. It wasn't like this where each second and each movement got more intense as if you both received rain after a drought.

Deciding to dwell in deeper, you trail your kisses from his lips to his jaw to his neck, lips pressing gently onto his skin, one that makes him release a slight groan from his mouth, causing you to smirk. You tease him a bit more, bringing yourself closer to his body while he allows you, wrapping his arms tighter around your waist.

And just before anything gets too out of hand, you pull away, a satisfied smirk pulling at your lips as you look at your artwork before you.

He looks bewildered, eyes slightly in a daze, but more worried if he did something wrong. His lips were plump and pouted from the absence of you. However, seeing your smug look as you bite down at your lip amusedly, he narrows his eyes.

"I have to get back to work," you mutter quietly, before he pulls you in again, discarding your priority. However, teasing him further, you pull back, placing your palm against his chest as a smile stretches on your face. "Your food is going to get cold."

To that, he rolls his eyes. "Tease."

"Mhm," you smirk before you feel his hands let go your body, already missing his hands on you as you took a step back, patting his chest. "Still want to bet that I'm crazy for you, Hoseok?"

He scoffs half-heartedly. "I'll give you this round."

You smile in return before you grab your bag that you placed on one of his chair before leaning in to sneak a swift peck on his cheek. His smirk enlarges a bit as you head towards his door.

Throwing a glance at him over your shoulder as you turn the knob, you notice that he's watching you with a look that nearly looks content.

"Be nice to Allen!" You call out before completely disappearing out of his office.

Yana, being the ever so concerned, makes a sudden appearance in your office right as you were getting ready to leave that night.

Her presence makes you jump, you quickly chuckling sheepishly at the realization that it was your friend. Your hand immediately slapped over your heart, you shaking your head hastily to calm yourself down while she comfortably smiles at you.

"Hi," you breathe out, regaining your steady breathing. "I was just about ready to go home. What's up?"

"Nothing much," she answers, closing the door behind her. "Just, uhm... I heard from a certain birdie that Hoseok is leaving."

Yana's attentive eyes probably doesn't miss the way you pause for a mere moment. She's usually a hawk to body language, but you try to cover it up by continuing to shove your laptop into your bag. "Did you?"

"Yes," she nods slowly. There's also a pause in between that and her next sentence, careful with her next words as if she were treading through dangerous waters. "Three weeks to be exact."

"Hm," was all you manage to say.

She probably notices how you're avoiding eye contact, and it doesn’t take her long to connect two and two together. "You know, don't you?"

Refusing to say a word towards her presumption, you grab the handles of your bag, avoiding her eyes that she wanted you to look at. "___."

"What?" You may have came off a bit more aggravated than you let yourself out to be, but you sincerely did not want to talk about it with anyone, including Yana.

"Have you guys talked about it?"

You blink at her blankly. Your blank stare causes her to make a face, pressing you to continue. "___—"

"No," you snap. "We haven't talked about it— he doesn't know that I know."

"And why not?"

"I don't know."

"Well, why haven't you addressed it?"

"I don't know!" You exasperate, setting your bag down. "I don't know why he hasn't said anything and I don't know why I haven't said anything either, but I do know that I don't want to talk about it, but I have to— we have to, I know— but I can't, okay? I can't bring myself to bare that conversation again—"

"___."

"I just got him back, Yana," you breathe out. Legs were so numb, you were so close to collapsing on the floor. "For a split second, I just want it to be fine. Where I can actually figure out where Hoseok and I are going, but it just sucks, because when things are going fine, the world just turns its back and now I am stuck in this... limbo again."

She stares at you, probably confused to see this foreign person that stands in front of her. It is true that you were never like this with just anyone in your life and you sure as hell didn't think you would be, but this wasn't just anyone.

"You are so in love, you moron. Nadine is going to freak," she tries to lighten up the mood, pointing out something that is nostalgic but nearly unfamiliar as it processes in your mind. To her joke, you let out a light-hearted, yet defeated scoff, shaking your head.

"If I bring it up, Yana... I already know where it's going to end."

She lets out a sigh. "Even then, you have to talk to him sooner or later."

"If I do, I'll lose him again."

"You don't know that. It will kill you more inside knowing that you're just waiting for a goodbye. If you talk to him soon, it doesn't have to be that way."

"It will be that way."

Yana inhales sharply before smiling up at you. "Tristian and I had conflicts back in our earlier years, mainly because of our careers. We weren't always together." She dismissed the look you shot at her, you completely unaware to such story. "Wrong timing does exist in this forsaken world, but if the love is there, if it's strong enough, you two will cross paths again."

Her last part lingers in the air for you. Adamancy is what's keeping it from letting it rest easy on your chest even when your mind is fighting to accept it. The logical part of you is yelling and begging to accept that you and Hoseok aren't meant to be, but the irrational part of you is louder. It's telling you that maybe Hoseok will change his mind and stay, or maybe that you could move to Brandmont with him— but these possibilities absurd and reckless.

The internal battle drains your through process, causing you to let out another sigh, one that you felt like you held in for awhile.

"Why is it that when we're so close, absolutely nothing goes right?"

Yana watches you, empathetically, knowing that the one thing going good for you was turning upside down. "It's never easy trying to be with someone you love."

And as much as you hate it, she's right: it never is.

Beau has recently been baffled by your presence the minute you step into the café, and that's due to the fact that you never really give a forewarning.

The times you would show up with your mother, it was always early in the morning where the sun just barely peeked from the ocean and Beau would have your mother's coffee on the table just where you both would sit, perfectly overlooking the view.

The last time you visited Kona before moving to Trinity, Beau was sad to hear, but like him and his sunshine-like persona, he has always responded with, "Kona will always be here" and bid you the best of luck. Be it in college and in life. Maybe that's why you were so fond with Beau and Kona— they would always be there waiting for you. When you came back from Trinity, of course it was like you to visit it— even with your mother. She didn't recognize the atmosphere, nor the sunrise you've watched plenty of times, nor Beau, but she did like the taste of the coffee she usually orders.

Today, you show up at a decent time in the morning where it was decently busy inside with your mother.

"Well, well. If it isn't two lovely faces." Beau was in the midst of pouring coffee for someone on the bar as he greeted you both. Your mother, having no recollection of this foreign place, stays silent beside you, but smiling for her, you cheerily wave at Beau who politely waves back.

"Do I know him?" She whispers beside you. Her voice is small and curious, as if there's this remnant of her that answers for her 'yes', but it was gone with the wind along with many fragments of her memories.

"Yes," you respond before you carefully lead her to a booth, somewhere more comfortable than a stool at a bar. It may feel different for you, but to her, this is practically her first time.

Beau doesn't need to walk over to your table to grab your orders, but with one simple glance from you, he figures it's the usual, one that begins with the signature coffee that you and your mother both love.

Your mother's fairly quiet, pointing out things aloud such as the interior design of the café or even the smell that bounces off the wall to somehow start or maintain a conversation. And usually, you tune it out, nodding with every observant statement she makes, but this time around was different. You listen intently.

"The lighting is just right for a café."

"That's nice. They have a patio."

"It smells warm."

Beau drops by, setting down the coffee in front of you both gently and flashes you a smile. It's slightly sympathetic, but Beau knows how much you've been through with your mother.

When he leaves, she's quiet, stirring her coffee with the spoon. You watch silently, your eyes following the spoon that clinks onto the brim every now and then.

"Mom, did you ever think that Hoseok and I could've worked if I had just told him?"

She doesn't respond, but she does look up at you. You always hated when she met your eyes because you forget that there's not much life in them— it's devoid of all memories and recognition pertained to you.

She would blink, and you wish that with each blink that a piece of her would come back, but to your misfortune, it never does.

Inhaling, you relax your shoulders. "I'd be a liar if I said I don't always think about it, because I do. I think about how easy it was for me to leave and how easy it was for him to let me— but I needed him to."

Not a call or a text message from him after you had left his apartment— not one single notification. It killed you at how easy it was for him to let you say goodbye and leave his apartment without putting up a fight or not even just one question of why or when.

"And just when I was in a moment of peril and complete doubt, and I've entirely given up hope, he runs after me."

Perhaps it was the worst timing of it all. Sadness took over you in one gulp the minute you entered a new foreign place of what was to be your home for the next few years and it had been a week of adjustment. The bar had saved you from that week of pure misery and it just so happened you took a souvenir home that night.

You remember something was ringing that morning, and it wasn't your hungover consciousness that made you think you were hearing that, but it was real, loud, and piercing through your skull mercilessly. Stumbling over blurry lines that weren't originally there, you manage towards the front door, fingers fumbling with the lock, unsure and completely foreign to the new lock.

Deciding to open it without looking at who it may be was the first rookie mistake, the next was opening it while the only shred of clothing you had was a t-shirt that barely covered your behind, and finally, it was letting your so-called souvenir of the night walk out of the bedroom in plain sight of your guest at the door.

It takes your slow mind awhile to realize that Hoseok, the man you drank to forget about the night prior, is in front of you. You watched, in slow motion, how his eyes turned from hope to betrayal in a speechless movement. His eyes flicker from yours to the man behind you attempting to put on his pants in a hasty fashion. It was that look on his face that—

"— I knew then that I'd lose him. I lost him once, but that moment was just a cherry on top of 'forever'."

You try to make light of your story, of that situation, but it's hard to when it, admittedly, elicits a sharp pain somewhere on your body.

"I was so happy to see him again," you bite your tongue. "He was bitter for awhile, which is— you know— understandable. But you know how there's always that silver lining in dire situations?" You smile, tapping your finger at your mug, thinking about the banana nut muffin. Sweet banana, soft enough to melt in the mouth complemented with chunks of walnuts compiled into one delicacy that was good enough to share. How a simple gesture could mark itself onto your brain.

"We had that."

You roll your lips inwards before inhaling sharply.

"Mom, I don't want to lose him. I've lost so much in my life and for once, he is the one thing I don't want to lose." As she stares into your eyes as if a stranger, you wipe your tears sloppily with the back of your hand, knowing very well that you lost her. "I love him, Mom. I don't think I can ever love anyone else but him because he's all I've ever known— and god, it's like the world is spinning uncontrollably and I can't breathe." You didn't realize that the journey of the bottom of your palms reach up to your glass eyes, your mother catches them halfway through, encasing her warm hand over yours.

"It's okay," she coaxes you, innocent eyes staring right at you. "Breathe."

Most times when you would go to your mother, she always had the right thing to say. It would come off as a litany or even a full-proof speech from the bottom of her endearing heart. But as you look at her concerned, yet confused eyes, her thumb rubbing gently just over your skin, you realized that though it is not a speech or a run-on list, it was all you needed to hear from her right now.

And who were you kidding? Hoseok was the sun and you were the moon, there have been plenty of stories and tales of how the sun and moon can never, ever be together— just as there is no way that you could ever be with him. Not in this realm, at least.

One dreary day when you drop off food once again, your timing wasn't as impeccable as before because Allen needs him for an urgent meeting.

Hoseok flashes an apologetic look at you prior, but you shake your head, silently telling him that it was absolutely not a big deal and you assured him you'd be right there when he gets back as he gets up to walk out of his office. Allen gives Hoseok a knowing nod as he walks past him, but as you watch him leave to the board room where you once barged into during a very important meeting, you notice that Allen doesn't follow or scurry after him.

Instead, he turns to you, meeting your eyes before just striding over towards you. You were in the midst of eating your salad, sheepishly wiping away the dressing on your lip as you offer him a smile. "What's up?"

He, as bland as he can be, doesn't give you an answer, but what concerns you is that he sucks in a sharp breath, as if he was going to say something that would hurt you. Before you repeat your question, he's pulling something out of his back pocket.

There in front of you, he holds out a folded piece of paper. There were indents, as if it were crumpled prior, but seeing how it was chosen to be folded, it increased your curiosity. You look up at Allen, an amused smile on your lips to lighten up the mood. "Is this your way of confessing your undying love to me, Allen?"

Allen rolls his eyes at your way to ruin an ever so serious moment easily, shoving the paper in your face until you took it in your hands. "No. This is from Hoseok."

The first thing that pops into your head is the entire ordeal of him moving to Brandmont.

It makes your face fall, knowing that you don't even need to read the letter to know what it's about. Allen's expression lowers as well, noticing how quick your amused smile had broken so fast when Hoseok's name came out of his mouth.

"I'm sure you know," he begins, your eyes falling down to your lap of where the paper you held hovered over. It really doesn't take a genius to figure out that the piece of letter addresses what has been spinning in your head and keeping you up at night restless. "You always come by and you look like you're thinking of ways to bring it up, but you never do."

Allen presses his lips into a thin line, but your mouth is shut. You didn't think it was obvious to him. You're blinking, unsure of how to respond because in your hand is a letter that addresses everything that has been running endless miles in your mind and in a moment, you're going to read it.

"It's not his first letter. He wrote a bunch, but I don't think he can find a a right way to tell you, but I guess that one was his best bet because I found it in one of his folders and I know that he can't say it. Not to your face, at least. I know I shouldn't be tampering with mail, but it was on his desk and you deserve to have some sort of closure— to talk to him about it."

It takes you a moment, but as you look up to meet his eyes, you smile, thinking about how he didn't have to do this for you, but he did. "Thank you, Allen."

"Anytime," he responds before he takes that moment to leave, leaving you in Hoseok's office with a letter that would address everything in your hand.

___,

This isn't my ideal goodbye to you.

I had it in my head. I planned it in bed and rehearsed every line knowing very well that I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I have to break your heart the next day.

It'd start off as coming over to your apartment, and you'd be fresh out of the shower because I know you usually like to shower after you get home from work— which you were. I usually would come to make dinner for us, but I hadn't planned to that night. Then you'd smile at me and I'd think about ripping the bandage off just like that at that moment, but I knew your smile would be too much to bare at the moment, because it took awhile to see that smile again.

Then I hit the restart button. You'd get out of the shower and I'll be there to give you a kiss and take a whiff of your shampoo. This time, I planned to make dinner that night— probably one of your favorite dishes. Before cooking, I'd hold you and you'd ask me how was work and then I'd tell you about my day, while I ask about yours— but I knew that hearing your voice would be something I'd miss so much and I wouldn't be able to even ease my way into what I had to tell you.

The point is— there is no good or right way of saying goodbye to you.

And for one, I don't write letters, and I also don't send long text messages or long voicemails for you to decide whether to delete it or to keep it, so I thought I'd settle for a letter.

I hope you aren't too mad at me for leaving. It's true, I came here for the hotel and only the hotel, until I ran into you. I nearly wanted to toss myself out of that building the minute I saw you in front of me.

Then I noticed you hadn't changed. Not one bit.

You had a smile still of gold, one that could easily steal hearts because I know it stole mine. You are still as stubborn as before, one that speaks her mind and what is right. You drink the same exact coffee and eat the exact same fruit. And out of everything that could have changed, the only thing constant was that you still managed to believe in me.

I think that's why I can't say a proper goodbye. It'd be too hard to be apart from you again. And as much as I want to, I can't stay— not when I have a company that depends on me.

I have loved you since the beginning, and you made me realize that I still love you now.

So I hope that when you read this, you'll understand.

And do me a favor. Stay warm this winter. xx.

Hoseok

The water is gentle. Calm and serene as you let it tickle your limbs, carrying you away further and further without even a single doubt in your senseless mind and if you close your eyes, you'll forget how far away you're being drifted away from shore.

Hoseok is not only the sun that kisses your skin, he is also the water that engulfs you.

This is how easy it was for you to get carried away.

There are red flags and warnings that were given on a platter to you, right under your puny nose, yet you still dared to swim. It's ignorance dressed in bliss, and unknowingly enough, you are reaching the deep end— going deeper and deeper without a single thought because you've swam enough times to know how it feels when the water embraces you that you subconsciously tell yourself that this time is no different.

First, the water is gentle, as you know it to be. It's gentle enough to let you swim afloat, fooling you into thinking that it will keep you safe, but beneath the surface is the inevitable, the unknown. Yet, you still manage to swim in it, even though it will lead you to your death. You've spent more time with him more than you can count on your own hands and each time, you have been acting like you don't know a single thing. You don't think you made it obvious that you know, but you never bring it up.

The water grew unsteady each time it grew closer and closer to the inevitable day he would leave, and you allow it to toss and turn you as you don't spare yourself to open your mouth about the elephant in the rom.

But a rogue wave came over that night— the night before the goodbye.

"How would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

The question was abrupt. The question itself makes you freeze in place as you fumble with the bag of his lunch break food.

"___," he speaks to grab your attention that was still trying to think of an answer to his question. "Is that a yes?"

"Tomorrow night?" You spoke, blinking at him. He nods, awaiting your answer. You roll your lips inwards inside your mouth before looking down at the floor, your next words nearly cracking as they come out of your throat. "The night before you leave?" The words probably shook him up as bad as you let yourself say it because he's staring at you, unsure of what to say. Blank, empty, lost— you fill in the spaces for him. "I know that you're leaving."

"How long?" He frowns, furrowing his eyebrows, but his stare nonetheless hard. Like a shift, you were faced with the Hoseok who firstly threatened to kick you out after seeing you for the first time. "How long did you know?"

"Haein let it slip at the conference night."

The conference night was only a few weeks or more back, but it feels like it was just yesterday you nearly stumbled backwards hearing that Hoseok was moving back to Brandmont. You were applauding for the man you so much adored only to realize that he was leaving.

Hoseok remains silent, probably trying hard to think of a method to calm your frazzled nerves that he can probably sense are bursting through the walls. He, instead, takes a step forward.

"And we weren't ever going to talk about this?" You breathlessly snap, your voice cracking. Rogue wave. "You were going to wait until the night before to just what? Woo me over and give me one last kiss before you slip the letter in my bag and disappear?"

"Letter? Wait, ___, how—"

"I know about the letter. The one you were going to give me before you left," you answer for him. Pulled under. "It doesn't matter how, but it matters that you'd rather leave me a damn letter instead of just telling me." Trying to stay calm and collected is just as hard as taming the waters, and you're not sure why it's suddenly so hard when you've worked with clients brooding enough to make your ears steam, but this was a whole different territory. Sadly, one that was familiar.

"I wanted to tell you," he exhales. "I did, I really did. You think it was easy trying to think of words to tell you that I love you and I always have, but I have to leave because of my career?"

Of course, you knew it wasn't easy. You knew that much because you had to do the same. Own personal reasons are always getting in the way, but you out of everyone knows what it's like. A strange wave of deja vu hits you before you meet his eyes— his eyes used to hold so much light before they were shadowed by true fear and sadness.

"For awhile, I couldn't bring myself to tell you, so I wrote so many letters on how to properly say goodbye because the thought of having to break your heart— break my heart— to your face was too unbearable. And even then—"

You let out a scoff. "See, that's the difference between you and me, I at least told you that I was leaving. You weren't. You were going to leave me with a damn letter telling me to 'stay warm this winter' and all that crap— that's not fair."

"I know it's not fair! That's why I was going to tell you tomorrow night," he exhales, running a hand through his hair exasperatingly. "I was going to tell you tomorrow night. I was never going to leave you with that letter because you're right, you deserve at least that— I fucked up, okay? Can you blame me for wanting to spend every second with you instead of dwelling on the sole thought that we have to say goodbye again?" Stress hits him. He can nearly feel the vein in his neck popping as he tries to level his breathing, he is not stable.

A grace period takes place. It's enough time to have the waterworks start working in your eyes. They roll and fall and at this point, you'd rather have steam blow out of your ears in anger, or your face turn red as tomato, but heaven knows that Hoseok is the only person in your universe that can cause the waters in your world to work. You close your heads, inhaling sharply. "So what? 'Goodbye', then? 'Stay warm this winter', then?"

His eyes gaze up towards yours momentarily, but he stays silent. What is there to even say? You knew that he was leaving and you knew what he had to say— hell, you've read that damn letter over and over again trying to convince something to your subconscious. All there really is left to it is the goodbye.

The same excruciating goodbye that you both anticipated but convinced yourself enough that dragging it long enough will make it somehow disappear— but you knew better than to believe in that.

"This isn't how I wanted it to go," he mutters. It was quiet, but it was loud enough for you to hear.

Whirlpool. You're caught in a whirlpool. Spinning and spinning.

Tears pricked and your legs grew numb with each standing second. You aren't sure what the flood of feelings overwhelm you with, but it's enough to know that after a war of water that tugged and pulled, you have lost the losing game, and now you are sinking and sinking with so much of your useless arms trying to reach for the surface.

"___," he croaks, taking a step towards you.

You didn't realize that you hastily back away until you feel your own legs stumbling over itself. Eyes blink up at him, probably red and piercing with tears at the brink of your eyes. You don't ignore how your step back hurt him, a shred of pain slapping across his face.

This wasn't a damn whirlpool, this was a maelstrom and you were in the deep end, and there was no saving you.

"I need air."

As you move past him to the door, you ignore Allen's worried and concerned glance from his desk once you accidentally open the door a little too quick, struggling to get out of the building as fast as you can. You catch his glance for a moment, and he immediately stands from his desk with scrunched eyebrows when he notices that they were glassy, but before he can ask you what happened, you're disappearing and finding your way towards the elevator.

Allen's eyes meet with Hoseok's form through the small opening of his door that separated his office and the rest of the floor for a moment just before the door closed by itself. His hands were fisted, knuckles growing white— in aggravation or in pain, he wasn't sure— before letting himself walk towards his desk where the food you brought him sits, untouched.

At this time, the food you brought him was cold, just like the atmosphere that you left and just like the waters you couldn't escape.

You contemplated of calling in to work the next day and just hiding in the sole comforts of your sheets and letting your pillow soak up your salty tears, letting yourself unravel in the most nauseating and nostalgic way possible because it's not like it's the first time you've done that before— but that's what college ___ would've done and last time you checked, you weren't in college anymore.

But it sure as hell felt like your love life was.

You ended up going to work at the last begging minute, kicking at your sheets and muttering yourself some encouraging words to get your ass up and moving, and you were almost late.

Nadine greets you as usual, but there was an atmosphere that you presented because her face falls in the midst of her greeting. She frowns at you before you raise an eyebrow in question. "Are you sure you're okay to be working today?"

Assuming that Yana probably told Nadine that Hoseok was leaving, you gave her an unconvincing nod. "I'll be fine, Nadine." She gives you one more look before you go up to your office, letting impartial hello's leave your mouth at your coworkers who greeted you until you were sinking down in your seat, letting out a sigh.

For the first few hours of working, you try to distract yourself, hands being busy with your projects that you were determined to finish by the time you left to go back home. But as you pause to give yourself a break, eyes grazing up from your computer, you realize that on your desk was the bamboo tree, green and glorious, standing there. And if inanimate objects obtained human traits, this was one would taunt you, probably probe you to the earth's ends with the pain that is growing inside your chest.

That's when you decide to take your thirty, knowing that it was a risky game to tear your mind away from anywhere but work— your thoughts ready to be on full blast in your head when you decide to lie down.

Yana and Nadine walk into your office not so late after that where you're sprawled on your sofa that you barely ever use, exchanging looks with each other before Nadine decides to give a graceful nudge to your leg that hung over the arm of the furniture.

You groan, their presence irking a random nerve in your body as they bugged you at the worst time. "Leave me alone."

"If you were going to lay around all day during work, you should've called in," Yana points out as you open one eye to peer at her scolding stance before shutting it, bringing an arm to hang loosely over your eyesight.

"I'm on my thirty. Leave me alone."

"___," Nadine sighs next to Yana. She pities you. Reliving your life as a college brat with a college sweetheart to reach the same ending of the novel once again. "Just go home. You're hurting."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, you may seem that way, but you can't work on a broken heart," Nadine throws in. She didn't like scolding, especially to someone so vulnerable and especially to someone like you who has never been in a vulnerable situation like this. It's fascinating in a melancholy way.

"Who said I had a broken heart?" Denial.

"___, did you ever say goodbye to him?"

You hesitate. Maybe if you said 'yes' maybe they'd leave. "No."

"Are you planning to?"

The question makes it hard for you to answer, so instead you stick with silence. Avoidance was a tactic that you try to, and ironically, avoid. Usually, you cross the bridge when you get there, facing all problems head on, but it is so odd how one person can change that— can change your mindset completely.

"You should see him before he leaves."

"It hurts him just as much, ___. It's not an easy thing to do. To say goodbye, that is." Yana clears, reaching over to place her cold hand over your bicep. Her touch is motherly, filled with empathy and comfort. The shoulder to stain your tears with, comfort food prepared for you, words that are always just right. Her touch makes you sigh, prying off your arm from your eyes to stare up into the lit celing. "It's alright to be hurting, but it's not okay to be avoiding it.

"Look, you love him, he loves you, that's enough. I'm not going to sugarcoat it anymore, but ___, understand that you got a whole life ahead of you, and so does he. Think about it: this might not even be the last goodbye, with the way the universe worked with bringing you guys together again? You will most likely see him again, and maybe even have to say goodbye again. Point is, just know that goodbyes don't necessarily mean forever."

"And besides, it is not like you two experienced these goodbyes because you both didn't love each other," Nadine adds in, an attempt at a smile only to fall when she realized the weight of her words. Your eyes flicker from the ceiling to look up at Yana and Nadine who awaits for you to react with expectant eyes.

Nadine takes a step forward to squat next to the sofa, encasing her hand with yours. Her hand was warm and sisterly. Cookie dough ice cream with a lineage of rom coms accompanied by face masks. "You both love each other, you and him have established that. And life is just a cruel ass bitch for tearing you apart, but that shouldn't break you guys. The stronger the pull, stronger the push, right?" Nadine scrunches her nose before shaking her head dismissively. "I don't fucking know, Clarke told me that over the phone— but for now, ___, you have to go and say goodbye. Trust me— trust us on this."

You look at them, eyes flickering from sister to mother, the very two people who have made your life wonderfully sane and insane all at once. They stand before you with encouraging closed lip smiles, one that wasn't urging in rush, but a simple nudge that they so hoped you would take. Your next round of tears prick at your eyes before you're breathing out sharply, "hugs. I want hugs, please."

It's sudden and unlike you, but Nadine and Yana don't hesitate as they lean in, embracing the entirety of your body that slouches on the sofa into their bodies, all of their lovely smells thrashing with each others as you feel them squeeze harder. Laughs ring in the air as your heart becomes full with them in your presence.

They pull back ever so slight, peering over at the streams down your face and your roseate cheeks and nose being the complete epitome of a girl who can't maintain her own raging emotions. It's a sight that is very foreign to them, but it is a sight they are grateful to have seen and you were just as grateful to have them be there.

You wipe t your tears, sheepishly laughing as Nadine grabs the tissue box on the table right next to the sofa. She wiggles the tissue under your nose, a laugh resonating from your throat as you grab it and smile once more at both of them.

"I'll talk to him. Thank you, guys."

Waiting is an anticipation game.

And you hate how it makes you feel. It is like walking down a corridor and each step you take, you realize that it never seems to end, even though you desperately wished it would.

However, once you find the brown mop of hair that belonged to the one person who smelled like a sweet summer day, you immediately stand up from the bench your leg kept anxiously bouncing on, watching as Hoseok exits smoothly out of the building of his own company, a briefcase in hand.

His tracks immediately come to a halt when seeing you.

Your strides carry you enough to where he was able to see that your nose was red and puffy. Surprisingly, your legs didn't buckle under your weight when you meet his gaze. Hoseok's stomach churns as he realizes that you may have been crying all night— or all day.

"I hate goodbyes," you breathe out sharply. Everything starting from your chest was unraveling like a silk red ribbon. "I hate goodbyes with a passion."

He stares at you, eyes softening when you try to take a moment to compose yourself.

"I kept telling myself that I don't— or shouldn't— regret leaving you," you begin. "While part of me think that's true because I had my reasons, the other is completely wrong because you deserved to at least know the real reason why I left. I guess the real reason was buried under my excuses of other reasons that accumulated, but even then— you deserved to know the real reason.

"Saying goodbye to you was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do, Hoseok," you state. "And I was hurt and betrayed because of how easy it was for you to let me. I can't take back time to fix that dreadful day you found me with someone else when you finally made up your mind, but I can only tell you now that I only ever wanted the best for you and that I was never tired of you or us. I was hurt and I did the most dumbest thing that a person can do to swallow their pain.

"I love you and I was so scared of losing you again," you choke out. "And then I realized that there is nothing that I can do because as much as I'd want to fly with you over to Brandmont and witness your greatness beside you, I have greatness of my own here."

"___."

"Maybe it wasn't our time— again. And I was debating if I should even come and say goodbye to you tonight because I hate, absolutely hate, goodbyes," you state, a self-deprecating laugh following after. "I almost didn't because I knew I was going to break my own heart doing so."

"What changed?"

"I didn't come here to say goodbye," you finally state. "I came here to tell you to..."

Hoseok wants to hold you, wrap your body up and buy you a coffee at Kona's to keep you warm. He wants to take your hand and take you home. He wants to wake up in the morning beside you again and relive those memories of when he would kiss your bare shoulder and make you breakfast. Instead, he awaits your answer. "To...?"

"To take care. And that I'll see you later— whenever that'll be."

Your words take him by surprise. They were like the smell after the storm, or a dessert with water— it is what makes his gut drop, but his heart beat. His actions, in turn, take you by surprise because he takes your hand in his, his eyes sticking onto your intertwined digits before looking up at you.

"And that I love you." Finally, you have told him that and it is as if a supernova has swelled because in a complete second, he pull you into an embrace, one hand resting on your head and the other on your back. It is urgent and needy, but it is gentle and sweet. It is the burnt grilled cheese, the chicken parmesan, the banana nut muffin. "Never stopped."

"I'm glad you came," he mutters into your ear, his voice so close you easily make out the tones of his voice. One that you'll miss having near you so dear much. "That you came to see me."

"Do me a favor?" You gulp into his ear, not wanting him to see the way tears have welled up in your eyes to complement your already scarlet tainted nose. "Don't say goodbye." You feel him tense at that, only for you to hold him closer— if that was even possible. "Please."

And like that, he obeys. Not because he wanted to, but because he knew that you are trying your very best to keep your composure— a tactic he knows all too well. "Okay."

You thought that the last time you said goodbye, it wasn't meant to be. Those youthful years of being in love with someone who you even thought to be the one just wasn't meant. And maybe this time around, it wasn't meant to be either. The past recent moments where reliving the nostalgic feelings to blindside you into thinking that he really is the one just wasn't meant. And that's alright.

As Nadine had wisely once said, it wasn't like you both left each other because you didn't love each other— no, you loved him with all your heart. If there is anything you knew, it was just that. And you'd like to assume that it went both ways.

The phone rings on the desk as you put it on speaker, awaiting for the one person you really do hope would answer. Your heart jumps when you hear the sound of the phone being picked up, followed by a hello. "Hi, Allen," you gleam.

The night you clung onto Hoseok with nose stuffy and eyes being pricked like needles with your own damn tears was the last time you saw him. And that's partially because you let it unfold that way and mostly because you knew that if you saw him anytime after that and before he departed, you would've dwelled back into heartbroken college ___. And as much as a big catharsis is necessary in your supposed love story, you like your silk pillows too much to have them ruined by your own torn and raw emotions.

No kiss that night, either. Things like a kiss as bidding a farewell were cheesy and cliché, but in truth, you knew that if you kissed him, if you allowed your lips to perfectly and ineffably mold into his like a clay into a delicate sculpture, the sole reality of your former and present self would wave over you once and for all, and that sculpture you have created would fall down into its demise. Perhaps, it's for the best. Instead, you settle for a cling, embracing him as if he were the last shred of sun you were ever going to have for this long winter just before walking away with your heart weighing heavy in hopes that maybe you'll see him again.

But even as seasons come and go, the sun will always rise again.

You did, however, call Allen the next morning when you woke up, knowing he deserves a goodbye just as well— and one last infamous irritating and witty remark from you. He wasn't very amused that you called him on his cell phone that you probed Hoseok before he left to get, but you knew that under his annoyed tone, he was glad to hear your voice. You bid him farewell, one where you told him you'll miss bringing him drinks to have him try and advised him to not take Hoseok's serious, macho boss-like demeanor seriously. And baffling enough, the feeling is mutual on his end.

The office hasn't said much about your relationship with Hoseok after most of the building has come to live off of the daily juicy gossip between you two, and you assume it's Nadine's doing— probably announcing the sad end of such story that, in retrospect, could've ended perfectly if reality wasn't a harsh bitch.

In a semi-perfect world, you and Hoseok would attempt to keep in touch as much as possible, be it texting or phone calls, but the time zone and him being almighty busy, it didn't fortunately unravel that way for you both. In a semi-perfect world, you'd find yourself swimming in pools of hopeful wishing that maybe, just maybe, he'll call you while you're at work just to hear your voice or you'd send him a text every time you're reminded of him of the bamboo tree he's gifted to you. As much as it would be wonderful to have that split moment, it never happens and it remains in the confinement of your imaginary mind and wishful dreaming.

Undeniably, you still think of him. Is it a crime to think of someone who's all you've ever known? If it were, you wouldn't be too sure how orange would look on you, but you'd risk it all in a heartbeat.

Bright side, spring rolls in pretty quick and the flowers are blooming just nicely with its vibrants and brights greeting you everywhere you look. Yana takes the time to spend a weekend getaway to Cabo with Tristian, wasting no time in throwing her projects on you with ease and Nadine to roll her eyes at the lovesick couple that's her aspirational couple— aside from you and Hoseok, you suppose.

"___, what can I do for you from Brandmont?" He asks, bemused.

There's a smile on your lips as you flippantly play with the corner of the crumpled letter that was odd for you to keep in the first place. "Can you send me Hoseok's new address, please?"

Renewal, they say. The blossoming brings renewal.

Hoseok,

Usually I am the one to send long text messages or leave annoying voicemails, but I thought I'd settle for a letter.

This isn't goodbye.

I think I've spent too much time figuring out how to say goodbye that I realized I should be focusing on what I would say to you when I see you again. Obviously, it's to make up for the time that I barely even said a "hello" and you were ready to kick me out in plain sight. Hopefully, the next time I see you, it's a much more pleasant time than that.

I thought I'd tell you in this letter that I'm grateful.

I'm grateful that I had a second chance with you, even if it was short-lived. Grateful that I was able to give you that closure that college me never gave. Grateful that I was able to believe in love again. And of course, that's thanks to you— don't let that build your ego, it's big enough already.

And though these events have a tendency to unfold like this, I'm grateful that it did and I do sincerely hope you're doing well as the boss man.

Do me a favor. Take care of yourself this spring.

I'll see you later,

___.

[deepdarkdusk]

Of Decay and Shadows

Roscidia ensured that she was not followed to Belore’anthil. Her own personal guard of Shadows had done their rounds and assured her as much. Even so, she had the Sight. And the Sight was blessed upon the early hours of the morning. She had family business to conduct and left a note saying as much. Through, a portal she left. And that portal closed behind her and her Shadows with a fierceness.

Belore’anthil hadn’t changed much. It remained prosperous. At her passing, her people fell to their knees with their foreheads planted against the ground in reverence. To them, her blood was still the absolute and she was the deity of their unholy worship. As was anyone graced with her biological kinship.

Within the halls of Nightrise Hold, she was tended to swiftly. Her Shadows broke away from her to stand guard. She was originally here to see her nephew, however when she entered the throne room, she was greeted with her aunt. Pryliese was not sitting upon the throne, no, she leaned against it. Her Sanguine Ones were posted near, within the rafters. Everywhere. The light was bathed in an eerie red, as the sun beget to bleed through the ruby-tinted stained glass windows. “Ah, Roscidia.” Pryliese cooed, “I am told such wonders about your life from the whispers we share. I was hoping that you would flee here.”

Roscidia stared at her aunt, stared at the plates armor she wore. The hook blade peeking out from behind her back. That was a woman ready to war. Before Roscidia could speak, Pryliese did so again. “Oh, how I wish you would have simply listened to me at the start, your fate would have been different. What are you to do now? Smile as you are shamed and your honor tainted?”

“Silence!” Roscidia hissed. She could feel the pain which horrified her the most bloom within that hollow she possessed for a chest cavity. The wound was fresh, and yet she had to keep looking at it. All eyes were upon her as she forced herself to not give into the grief which threatened to seize her throat and strangle her. “That is not what I’m going to do.” Her voice was animalistic in its rage, and she began to close distance between herself and Pryliese. “I am going to scar this world. I have found new kindred and I will embrace her with ferocity, and I will take back all that is mine. I will take back my shattered fucking dignity, I will take back the blood within my body and I will take my life back. What of you? Are you ready to war over my affairs? Look at you!”

Pryliese pushed away from the throne and met Roscidia half way. Now they stood within arms reach; the Duskborne twins. Yet not twins at all. “Our blood is sacred and has been treated as lowly commoner filth. Yes I intend to war and tear the sinners asunder. You’ve played your game of love and you fucking lost, Roscidia. And now you aren’t only a clown, you’re the entire fucking circus for the world to point and laugh at. If you won’t correct this, then I shall. And I will leave no survivors in my wake.”

“Then you shall have your war alone, Pryliese. Look at you, all ready to bring ruin and destruction. My eyes are open. They are fucking open!” It was as if she commanded something vile within that statement. The second those words left Roscidia’s mouth, darkness overtook the throne room, and both of the women were standing within a sea of stars. It was an illusion, yet it depicted the Sight perfectly. A path of stars gathered around them, and events of the past, present and future played within every single one of them. “I know what I must do. I’ll get no justice by lashing out, I’ll get nothing. Your little war for the sake of saving face would annihilate any chance of retribution I seek for not only myself, but for our family!”

“I am not some second bitch. I am a class fucking act. Let me be a clown, let me be the circus. I will be loud, I will be terrifying. A marvel to behold. And when those approach my tent they will find nothing but murderers inside, dressed as entertainers. And let them be flayed! I sow the fucking seeds here. Let this play out, let me find my own fucking salvation. Because I’m quite tired of being the damsel in distress!” Roscidia’s voice was like a blade which cut through the darkness.

Pryliese watched her niece. Eventually, she placed a plated hand upon Roscidia’s shoulder. “Send your cousin to be your voice, then. Why don’t you hide your time, recuperate. Reconnect with the people who love you dearly. None could ever love a Duskborne, lest they be cut from the same cloth.”

Roscidia fought with herself to not surrender to grief. Oh, how she wanted to. She didn’t know where best to play her vulnerability any longer. And she sunk to the floor, upon her knees, head bent low. She wrapped her arms around herself. She hugged herself, because while she had yet one final friend in this entire wide and wicked world, that friend was not here. The realization that she was likely never loved in the way that she should have been, in the way that she deserved, caused a searing ache that could not be ignored. Yet just as she embraced herself, she embraced this feeling. And she smiled upon it.

“This is a rebirth. All that is mine, I shall take.”

[gloves94]

Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 37

Warnings: 10,000 words Rating: PG-13   Pairings: Zuko/OC  

Sunburn Chapter M A S T E R L I S T My fan fiction M A S T E R L I S T

Aang was missing.

The Avatar had gone missing and Sozin’s comet was only two days away.

There really was no time to lose.

Aang’s friends looked for him everywhere, left, right, north and south of Ember Island but it seemed like he had vanished into thin air. Theories of Aang being kidnapped or running away crossed their minds, but he wouldn’t have abandoned his staff or Appa behind. No signs of struggle supported the theory that he had vanished.

Seeking for leadership the group turned to Zuko who – let’s be real – after years of practice was the most qualified at finding the Avatar. They had left Ember Island some time ago. Ominous clouds flickering with lightning approached from the distance.

“Where is he taking us?” Sokka asked Tsai as the rest of the group sat in Appa’s saddle while Zuko commanded the flying bison. The girl shrugged in return. He had that determined look on his face that she knew meant there was no stopping him now.

“Zuko, I don’t wanna tell you how to do your job,” Sokka began. “But why are we heading towards the Earth Kingdom?”

The group exchanged a look. “There’s no way Aang’s there.”

“Just trust me,” he replied mysteriously glancing over his shoulder.

The red head was presently leaning her head and arms crossed on the edge of the saddle. Her eyes fixed on the back of Zuko’s head. She was so proud of him. She had absolutely complete faith in that he would find Aang before the comet. It was then that she heard a loud coughing someone clearing their throat demanding her attention.

“What?” She rolled her eyes towards Sokka rudely.

“So, you two are back. For good?” He poked nosily. An evil grin on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest eyes narrowing mischievously. She was about to respond when Sokka raised his hand.

“You know what- I don’t want to know. Don’t say it.”

The edge of her eye twitched slightly. There wasnoway.

“What?” She deadpanned.

“No, no.” He said jokingly. “Don’t say it.” He repeated his vile grin stretching further.

“SOKKA I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” She lunged at him grabbing him by the shirt and violently shaking him. Even her brother wasn’t able to hold her back. “YOU SAW US?!” She felt so violated having been caught in such an intimate and PRIVATE moment.

“You two were being so loud! I heard a loud clatter went to check. Saw you two cleaningthe floor.”

Her face resembled more of a beet now. Ughhh how embarrassing. The group couldn’t help but laugh at her mortified expression. Flustered an irritated she turned around and hopped over the saddle and slid down to Appa’s large head bumping into Zuko’s side.

There was loud giggling and sniggering in the back to which she shot a deathly glare at.

“So, where are we going?” She chirped with a smile. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and couldn’t help but smile a little.

“You’ll see.” He responded in an ominous tone.

xxx

Back at the Earth Kingdom, the group approached a familiar looking tavern.

“Wait-“Tsai paused as she stood outside of the familiar building. “Of course!” She slapped her forehead as it hit her now, it made sense for them to come here.

“Now you know why we’re here?” He asked. “Oh! You guys are going to love this!” She said excitedly turning to talk to the group as they walked into the seedy tavern. They all exchanged a confused look. The familiar stench of spilled booze sweat and probably pissed wafted through the air still lingering in the tavern after all this time.

“And what’s there to love about a seedy Earth Kingdom tavern now?” Katara asked eyeing the tavern with a slightly horrified expression.

“June,” Zuko and Tsai said in unison. He pointed a finger across the tavern to the onyx haired woman that was cooly seating down beating a man down with only a kick while enjoying a cup of tea.

“Oh yeah that weird bounty hunter with the giant mole.” Sokka said at the memory of meeting the bounty hunter.

“Mole?” Katara asked. “Her skin is flawless.”

June stood up avoiding an incoming fist ducking and gracefully taking down a man without spilling a single drop of her steaming tea.

“No, she has this giant mole creature that she rides around on.” Sokka continued explaining.

“The Shirshu.” Zuko stated. “It’s the only animal that can track Aang’s scent anywhere in the world. It’s the one shot we have of finding him.” Tsai explained. “Wouldn’t recommend riding in the back of one.” She bellyached remembering the motion sickness stomachache she got that first and last time she rode the beast with Zuko and Iroh.

They all witnessed as June cooly threw her drink up in the air flipped a man on his back and slammed him over a table without breaking a sweat.

“I don’t know who this June lady is, but I like her!” Toph beamed with a wide grin officially joining the June Fanclub.

The group watched as June kicked an empty seat away from a table and took a seat continuing to calmly sip on her tea.

"I remember she helped you attack us!" Sokka said, glancing at Zuko and Tsai accusingly.

"Yep. Back in the good old days." Zuko deadpanned and began walking forward towards June. Tsai was already fangirling at the bounty hunter’s side.

"Oh great," June drawled out sarcastically with zero enthusiasm at the familiar sight of the Fire Nationers approaching her.

“Let me get that for you,” Tsai said politely taking the teacup and re-filling June’s cup. She simply rolled her eyes at the gesture. Turning her attention to Zuko who was standing next to her. "It's Prince Pouty and Fan Girl. Where's your creepy grandpa?"

"He's my Uncle." Zuko corrected her sharply. "And he's not here."

June’s eyes bounced between the two girls that stood on Zuko’s sides.

“Oh hon, you should’ve run.” June said to Tsai shaking her head before taking a sip of her tea. “So, which one of you two is the one with the daddy issues?” June asked her eyes bouncing between both Katara and Tsai. Both girl’s eyes went wide with angry expressions on their faces. Sokka held Katara back. Zuko held the Tsai back while her brother sniggered behind.

“Good to see you worked things out with your girlfriend.” June added with a small smirk before taking another sip of her tea. “Hope I get a wedding invite.”

“Nobodyis getting married!” Tsai protested blushing brightly basically heaving after the double shot kill to her ego. A similar expression on Zuko’s face.

June waved her hand dismissively at them. "Okay, okay, sheesh. I was just teasing…” She took a sip from her beverage. “So, what do you want?"

"I need your help finding the Avatar."

"Hmph." She scoffed and raised her cup to her mouth, "Doesn't sound too fun."

"Does the end of the world sound like more fun?" Zuko demanded stepping forward with a scowl.

xxx

"Nyla." June cooed as she walked towards the shirshu, holding a fresh piece of meat in the air and shaking it enticingly. The shirshu begun salivating greedily at the scent of the raw meat. June tossed the steak up in the air and Nyla caught it eagerly, chewing it loudly. Smiling, June walked up to Nyla and petted its snout, "Who's my little, hmm, Snuffly-Wuffly."

Nyla grunted and jerked his head up, its toxin-coated tongue lashing out and forcing June to step back holding its snout down in a lock.

"Okay, who's got something with the Avatar's scent on it?"

“I have Aang’s staff!” Katara called from the top of Appa’s saddle.

"That'll work." June said, taking the staff from Katara and holding it in front of the shirshu’s nose. Nyla sniffed the glider for a moment gathering its scent then lifted his head and sniffed the air. She began walking around in circles around the group and the its master.

The shirshu walked back towards June and lowered its snout to the ground before laying down and covering its snout with its paws quietly growling as it gently rubbed it.

The group eyed the creature with a puzzling look.

"Well what does that mean?" Zuko asked crossing his arms.

"It means your friend's gone." June replied matter-of-factly, kneeling beside her pet scratching behind its ears in an attempt to comfort the beast.

"We know he's gone." Toph said dryly placing her hands on her hips. "That's why we're trying to find him." She said matter of factly.

"No, I mean he's gonegone." June clarified standing up and facing the group. "He doesn't exist."

The Avatar gang all exchanged concerned looks. Grim expressions on all of their serious faces.

“But that’s impossible.” Mecha cried out in disbelief.

"What do you mean Aang doesn't exist?" Sokka asked in exasperation. There was some hesitation on his voice "Do you mean he's...you know, dead?" He asked tentatively.

"No, we could find him if he was dead. It's a real head-scratcher." June said, shrugging.

"Helpful.Realhelpful." Toph scowled withdrawing her application from the June fanclub.

“So, what are we going to do now?” Tsai asked suddenly feeling that stressful sensation knot in her back shoulder’s again.

“Guess we’ll just have to off the Fire Lord ourselves,” Sokka said dropping his arms to the side.

“What are you nuts?” She looked at him with a bewildered expression. “What?” He shrugged his arms up. “It might even be easier this way since you’re not opposed to you know- taking care of him?”

“Ha!” She couldn’t help but laugh. “Really funny Sokka. Did you guys hear that?”

She looked up and to her surprise saw that nobody was laughing. Everyone was staring at her with a dead serious expression. She felt the blood drain from her face. “Why are you all staring at me like that?”

“You have been the only one to ever strike him and live to tell the tale.” Katara said quietly. “And the fire won’t be an issue.” Suki added.

“Which is a huge advantage.”  Sokka backed up her statement. “We’ll have your back.” Her brother said with a smile.

She looked at them with a horrified look on her face. This wasn’t her destiny. “No, you guys,” She shook her head feebly. “There has to be another way. If Aang’s not in the world- maybe- just maybe- what if he went into the Spirit World. Corporally in body and spirit with Momo?”

“Is that even possible?” Katara asked.

The group shared all shared a shrug giving each other puzzling looks.

“I’ve never connected to the Spirit World, but maybe I could try it? Find Aang bring him back?” She suggested.

“Well if you’re going to do it, you best do it fast,” her brother let out a low whistle and shook his head. “If you don’t want to off the Fire Lord thenI will!”

She turned to look at Zuko with a pleading look in her eyes. There had to be somebody else.

“Well,” June mused arching her eyebrows at the group. “It’s been real.” She said raising her hand up dismissively. Turning to mount her beast. “See ya.”

"Wait." Zuko called out, walking to the front of the group. "I have another idea. There's only one other person in this world who can help us face the Fire Lord." He faced June and held his hand out for her to wait, "I'll be right back with a smell sample."

They all eyed him curiously as he quickly climbed into Appa’s saddle and climbed back down holding a smelly sandal. The stench immediately attracting several flies which started buzzing around it.

"You saved your uncle's sweaty sandal? Ugh." Sokka asked in disbelief, pinching his nose and cringing at the strong scent. Suki, Mecha and Katara’s expressions of disgust mirrored Sokka’s.  

“Iroh does have a terribly strong body odor,” Tsai sighed.

"I think it's kind of sweet." Toph retorted with a sincere smile crossing her arms.

June was taken aback and gasped when Nyla suddenly lunged forward sniffing the sandal that Zuko was holding. She gasped in surprise and held on tightly to the shirshu’s reins as Nyla ducked furiously sniffing Iroh’s sandal.

"Let's do this." June said determinedly and tugged on Nyla’s reins as her beast ran madly desperately trying to find its target vanishing into the dark forest.

“Hey! Wait up!” Zuko shouted. The group quickly ran towards Appa and climbed on the flying bison ready to follow June. Appa flying into the air hot on Nyla’s trail.

The beast ran all through the night until dawn with Appa soaring after it. The teens all took turns between commanding Appa and sleeping. Nobody said much as they continued in their pursuit. Solemn expressions on everybody’s faces as the grim reality of Sozin’s comet arriving tomorrow dawned on them.

“Hey,” Zuko who was wide awake suddenly whispered to Tsai who was dazing off head on his shoulder. “Hm?” She grumbled sleepily. Toph was asleep on the other side of the saddle, Mecha a little next to her, Suki and Sokka in a similar position to them on the other side of the saddle.

“Do you remember the last time we rode the shirshu?” He said against her ear careful not to wake anybody else. “Don’t remind me.” She groaned at the unpleasant memory still with her eyes closed hugging his arm.

“Where…” He let out a small chuckle. “Where you holding on to me because you were sick or because of another reason?”

She opened her eyes suddenly feeling more awake than asleep and glared at him the slightest of smiles growing on her face.

“If I remember correctly,” She said removing her arms from his and slightly inching away from him. “Somebodywould’ve preferred if I fell off the shirshu that day.” She teased remembering how adamant he had been to her letting him go that day. He let out a humorous huff and wrapped both of his arms around again her pulling her close to him.

Both enjoyed the short-lived moment before reality hit both of them.

“Zuko, what are we going to do?” She asked looking at him with a worried expression. “What if we don’t find your Uncle?”

He wanted to insist that they would find him, that everything was going to be okay in the end, but there was so much uncertainty and ambiguity around them with the comet arriving in less than a day.

“We’ll figure it out.” He took her face in his hands. “We always do.” He hugged her.

“Zuko, if we don’t find Aang… What’s going to happen?” She held on to him tightly. Fear in her voice. Unsure of what to say he simply stroked the back of her head. “I’m going to try and enter the Spirit World tonight. See if I can find Aang.”

“We’ll find them.” He repeatedly soothingly.

Moments later they arrived to their destination. It was still nightfall. Great now an entire day had been wasted trying to find Iroh.

Days until the end of the world: 1. Nyla stopped on a gaping area of the outer wall of Ba Sing Se which divided it from the rest of the Earth Kingdom. The beast dug and pawed at the wall indicating that Iroh lay somewhere beyond it.

“We’re going to Ba Sing Se?” Sokka asked as Appa landed near the twitching shirshu.

"You uncle's somewhere beyond the wall." June stated as the Nyla stopped scratching the ground. "Nyla's getting twitch so he can't be too far." She looked up at the group. "Good luck." She said sincerely before pulling on the reins and riding away into the far away hills.

"It's been a long day. Let's camp and start our search again at dawn."

Xxx

It had all happened so fast.

"Wake up, you guys!" Toph called out in the middle of the night waking everyone only to witness a ring of fire surrounding them.

“There!” Toph shouted to an opening in the wall. There was no time to ask questions. No time to stop and look around and wonder what the hell was happening. There was no room to run to, no time to escape as four elderly men wearing fine robes colored in shades of blue and white stepped forward.

Master Piandao, Jeong Jeong, Master Pakku and King Bumi. All of them people whom the Fire Nationers had never met before.

"Well, look who's here!" Bumi exclaimed as he threw his arms out from under his robe, snorting and laughing in a maniacal fashion.

Katara sighed in relief as a a wide smile grew on her and her brother’s face. The rest of the group starred at them perplexed.

"Uh... What's going on?" Toph asked in confusion, "We're surrounded by old people."

"Not just any old people. These are great masters and friends of ours." Katara explained excitedly as she walked towards the four men and stopped in front of Pakku, bowing respectfully to her former master.

"So wait, how do you all know each other?" Mecha asked after the touching the Water Tribe sibling’s touching reunion with their new grandfather. He pointed at the four men in confusion.

"All old people know each other." Bumi joked and Piandao smiled at the boy from the colonies. The old king snorted and laughed as he asked. "Don't you know that?" He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You must be Sencha’s” One of them spoke eyeing the scarred teen before him.

Tsai pushed forward becoming entranced by the mentioning of her grandfather. Coming all the way to the front facing the elders. “You knew our grandpa?”

“Weren’t you listening Apple Hair? All old people know each other.” Bumi cackled once again finishing off with a snort.

“Yes, Sun Spirit.” Piandao responded calmly addressing the spirit that lived in her. She blinked twice taken aback by the knowledge the masters held.

"We're all part of the same ancient secret society." Piandao explained when his friend didn't continue. "A group that transcends the division of the four nations. Your grandfather was a part of our group as well. I lament his passing."

“Of course!” She said and dug into her her pocket to fish out the White Lotus Pai Sho piece that Iroh had given to her what seemed to be ages ago. Pai Sho is Afterall more than just a game.  “The Order of the White Lotus.” Both her and Zuko said in unison smiles of amazement on both of their faces.

"That's the one!" Bumi said comically bouncing in front of the other masters and raising a finger in the air,

"The White Lotus has always been about philosophy, and beauty, and truth." Jeong Jeong stated. "About a month ago, a call went out that we were needed for something important."

"It came from a Grand Lotus." Pakku said, taking over the anecdote from Jeong Jeong. He looked over at the Fire Nation’s former prince, "Your uncle, Iroh of the Fire Nation."

"Well that's who we're looking for." Toph said excitedly from behind Zuko.

"Then we will take you to him." Piandao said nodding his head slightly.

Tsai noticed how Zuko’s eyes softened at the mention of his uncle. They had finally found him. There was some hope after all.

"Wait! Someone's missing from your group. Someone very important." Bumi declared as he abruptly shoved the masters apart and walked towards the group. "Where's Momo!?"

"Uh..." Sokka cleared his throat, leaning as far back as he could when Bumi pressed his face against his, "He's gone. And so is Aang."

"Oh well, so long as they have each other, I'm sure we have nothing to worry about." Bumi stated calmly stepping back and patting his shoulder forcefully making Sokka bend forward. "Let's go!" Bumi cackled like a maniac as he slammed his fist against the ground making a tall stalagmite of rocks rise from the ground which propelled him over the wall of Ba Sing Se. The other masters shared an exasperated expression.

“Is he… Is he always like this?”

 Xxx

The group was being led down a rocky path that would lead to the Order of the White Lotus’ campgrounds. The group followed behind Bumi, Appa tailing behind them.

"So, Bumi," Sokka began as he walked carefully behind the king. "How did you end up escaping your imprisonment in Omashu?"

"Escape? I didn't escape. Everybody elseescaped!" Bumi exclaimed before throwing his arms into the air. "There I was, back in Omashu, waiting for justthe right moment. I didn't know what or when, but I knew I'd know it when I knew it."

Tsai topped in her tracks a obscure expression on her face. “You waited for the eclipse, didn’t you?” Her brother looked at her with a concerned look.

Bumi cackled and nodded rapidly, a maniacally grin on his face as he remembered how he took back his kingdom after being locked up in a metal box for months.

"Wow." Suki stared in amazement after Bumi had finished sharing his story. "You took back your whole city all by yourself!"

Bumi grinned proudly then glanced over his shoulder, "So what about you guys? Did you do anything interesting on the day of the eclipse?"

The group all exchanged a look.

"Nah." Zuko replied nonchalantly. “No, not really.” Sokka added. Mecha grimaced looking down at his scarred body. Tsai resisted the urge to face palm.

They approached a high hill and looked below from the incline to see dozens of small tents all pitched together at the bottom of rocky terrain. Odd dim lights illuminated parts of the camp. “Well, here we are! Welcome to old people camp.” Bumi said as he lowered a wall made of rock and waved his hand towards the camp.

The group stepped forward following behind the masters, but Zuko lingered behind his eyes scanning the crowd looking for any sign of his lost uncle.

"…Where? Where is he?" He asked stopping in his tracks.

Piandao, the swords master, stopped and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Your uncle is in there, Prince Zuko.” He responded pointing to a large tent at the end of the campsite.

Zuko felt his stomach flipping with unease. His last memories of his betrayal to his uncle, the only man who had ever cared about him, still prodding him like a fresh wound. Part of him had been dreading this moment. He looked down in shame averting his eyes from the tent. He felt the sword master walk away. He stood alone in the camp soaking in the memory of the most dishonorable and treacherous thing he had ever done. Why would his uncle ever forgive him?

He wasn’t worthy of a single ounce of sympathy.

“Come on!” He felt a hand hold his. “Let’s go see Uncle Iroh!”

He looked up and saw the girl from the colonies standing before him beaming with excitement. She was dying to see Iroh. She turned guiding him towards the tent, yet he couldn’t bring his feet to move stopping just a couple of feet outside the tent.

“What’s wrong?” She turned. “Don’t you want to see your uncle?” She asked softly dropping his hand.

Maybe he wasn’t alone, but he was still undeserving.

Of everything.

After all his cruel father never missed a moment to remind him, he had been lucky to have ever been born. His own father had hideously scarred him when he had groveled for his forgiveness only as a thirteen-year-old boy. Why would his uncle be any different?

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Insecurity and fear pricked him. Again, he lowered his head, his hands dropping to his sides as he deflated.

“Why wouldn’t he want to see you?”  

“Why would he?”

She remained silent. She wasn’t sure what she was waiting for but speaking felt wrong.

“My Uncle hates me, I know it.” He said with certainty. His eyes glued to the ground avoiding her prying worried ones. “He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?"

She could’ve reassured him a thousand times that Iroh did not hate him. However, that wouldn’t have solved anything. She doubted if he would even believe her.

“I know you’re sorry and I think the most important part is that you’ve grown from your mistakes. Right?”

“I’m more sorry than I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”

“Then he’ll forgive you,” she stated. He looked up and saw her smiling sympathetically at him. “I know I did.”

He didn’t deserve his uncle or her.

She gave his arm one last squeeze while saying something about getting dinner. At this point he wasn’t listening. He clung to her hand, holding her in place.

“Thank you.” He said softly.

She left. He stood outside of his uncle’s tent wounds of regret and scars of shame holding him back. He stood outside with his head lowered, eyes glued to the ground like a coward.

He had to do it.

He let out a heavy sigh pausing in front of the tent flaps that were marked with the White Lotus symbol. It took courage he didn’t have to open the tent’s flap and step in.

"Uncle..."

Zuko was greeted by a familiar loud snoring as he stepped in and looked up. His uncle was heavily sleeping on the other sound of the tent. He couldn’t help but smile affectionately and walk further into the tent. He took a seat bending his knees underneath his body as he waited next to his uncle’s sleeping mat for him to awake.

He knelt with his head lowered listening to his uncle’s snores. Snores he never thought he would one day miss. It was pretty late; he didn’t think his uncle would wake up at this time of night. It was then that the snoring ceased. He raised his head slightly and his breath hitched in his throat when he realized his uncle awoke. He felt his chest swell with overwhelming emotion.

Iroh awoke when he felt a strong presence in the room. He sat up and stretched his aching muscles. Sensing the presence behind him, he turned slightly and from the corner of his eyes caught sight of a familiar face sitting behind him. He straightened up his back and remained silent.

Zuko felt his heart fall when his uncle kept his back turned to him. He swallowed the knot that had formed on his throat as he attempted to find the voice that he had lost.

“Uncle, I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me.” He paused for a moment and closed his eyes fighting back the tears that had been welling in his eyes. His voice cracked with emotion as he continued. "But I want you to know, I'm so, so sorry, Uncle.” “I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did." He shook his head as the tear that brimmed in his eyes overflowed, sliding down his face. "I don't know how I can ever make it up to you, but I-"

He was cut off. He didn’t see his uncle turn and grab him by the sleeve yanking him forward for an embrace into his arms. He hugged him tightly. Tears slid down his face, the man couldn’t help but smile as he held his lost nephew in his arms.

“How can you forgive me so easily?" Zuko asked weakly as he returned the embrace. He was stunned by his uncle’s reaction. "I thought you would be furious with me."

"I was never angry with you.” Iroh explained his voice gentle. He brought his hand up to the back of his nephew’s head and hugged him tighter. "I was sad, because I was afraid, you'd lost your way."

Zuko closed his eyes and pressed his wet face against his uncle’s shoulder. “I did lose my way.” He murmured quietly; his words still weighted with shame.

Iroh removed himself from his nephew and held him at an arm’s length both of his hands on his shoulders as he looked at the man his nephew he had become with pride. “But you found it again…" He praised with a smile.  "And you did it by yourself. I am so happy you found your way here."

Both exchanged a smile. Iroh hugged him again and Zuko chuckled lightly. "It wasn't that hard, Uncle. You have a pretty strong scent."

Zuko didn’t know how long they embraced for.

“Midnight cup of tea?” The tent’s flap opened, and Tsai stopped dead in her tracks when she caught the deeply intimate scene between the two men. She didn’t want to interrupt such an important event. “Oh, uh- I’ll come back later,” she stammered awkwardly before retreating still holding the tray she was holding with tea and some bowls with dry noodles.

“Tsai!” Iroh greeted her cheerily happy to see the girl once again. He stood up. She looked around the room and placed the tray down on the closest table before embracing him “You did beautifully child.” “It’s so good to see you Iroh.” He hugged her back.

Zuko watched the interaction between the two still with watery eyes. This was his family now. The three of them were back together reunited.

“I hope my nephew didn’t bring you much trouble,” Iroh chuckled slightly. “Nothing I can’t handle,” she flashed him a cheesy grin. It was then that she got something out of her pocket. “Here,” she placed the White Lotus chip on his hand. “You’ll need this for the next time we play Pai Sho.” He couldn’t help but grin back.

Moments later the three sat on the carpet. Iroh enjoying a well brewed cup of lychee tea the two teens before him had their dinner. This meeting was nice, it felt extremely nostalgic, it was what the three of them had been missing.

“Iroh,” Tsai suddenly asked him. “What do you know about the Spirit World?

Iroh lowered his cup of tea and looked at her his lips drawn into a thin line.

“The Spirit World is a world filled with a vast range of immortal supernatural entities and more than often embody different aspects of life and nature.” He began. “I take it you’ve discovered your inner light. The truth about your spirit as being the one of light, fire and most important of all life. The Sun.”

She nodded. Both her eyes and Zuko’s looking at his uncle attentively.

“I’m going there tonight. To try and find Aang.”

Iroh stroked his beard seriously and closed his eyes for a second.

“It is extremely difficult for any human other than the Avatar, who is the bridge between these two worlds, to enter into the Spirit Realm. If you do it will require extreme concentration and you must be wary of your surrounding at all times. Remember, this is very important. There are good spirits yes, like the sun and the moon, but there are also dangerous ones. They will test and try and trick you Tsai.”

She lowered her head nodding in understanding.

“Iroh…” She began softly. “Why me? What is my purpose?”

“That I do not know the answer to.” He sighed.

Zuko placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She raised her head nodding with a determined look on her face.

She had never done it but this time she had to. There was no excuse.

The trio finished their dinner and now Iroh and Zuko knelt on one side of the room. Tsai sat across them with two lit candles at her sides. Her legs were crossed under her body, eyes closed as she attempted the meditation, she had been practiced countless of times. She focused on positive emotions and on her breathing as she sought for some clarity.

“I’m glad you two made up, nephew.” Iroh whispered to Zuko. “How did you get her to forgive you? You know a woman’s heart is like glass, fragile but strong. Once damaged the-“

“I’m still in the room!” The girl snapped becoming a little flustered.

Iroh flashed her a nervous grin. Zuko face palmed embarrassed by his uncle. He would’ve never admitted it out loud, but he had missed this dearly.  

“This isn’t working,” her deflated in defeat, her shoulders dropping as she slouched.

“Stand up straight.” Iroh said in a slightly stern tone. A tone that reminded Tsai of her over-bearing mother. She did as she told. “If you want to reach the Spirit World and maybefind the Avatar you have to do this.” He instructed. “You can’t give up.” Zuko added.

It was late. The three of them had to rest. The comet would arrive later today. She couldn’t keep them up like this. Regaining her focus, sitting up with her shoulders up and back straight. She inhaled a deep breath and awoke in a different world.

“W-Where did she go?!” Zuko shouted in panic rising to his feet walking over to where the girl had been standing a minute ago.

How had she vanished just like that?

“She succeeded. She’s in the Spirit World now.” Iroh said wisely. “When will she be back?” He asked frantically turning to face his uncle. Iroh shrugged lightly and raised his shoulders. “Soon, hopefully.”

Zuko was officially freaking out. How was he supposed to get any sleep with both Tsai and Aang missing when the comet would be arriving in just a couple of hours?

“So,”Iroh began. An impish grin stretching on his aged face. “How’d you get her to forgive you? Did you follow my advice?” He said letting out a coarse chuckle.

“UNCLE!” The flustered teen protested.

Xxx

Tsai screamed uncontrollably as she free fell suddenly appearing in a night sky. She flailed her arms and legs, tears escaping her eyes due to the harsh wind that hurt them.

She braced for impact and landed on a large tree, then a branch and then ungracefully landed on the ground with a loud thud.

“Ugh…”She groaned painfully after being hit in the gut by spirits know how many branches and then slapping against the ground. It took her a moment to come to her feet and dust herself off. Immediately she shrunk as she looked at her terrifying surroundings. All of the trees that surrounded her in this forest had menacing faces that all seemed to look down on her.

“I can’t believe I actually made it to the Spirit World…” She said in awe, her voice trembling as she retreated. She played with her sun stone necklace anxiously.

“Hey! Watch it!” A man’s voice said.

She felt a chill run down her spine and slowly turned but didn’t see anyone. It seemed like she had bumped into a large mushroom that glowed in varying rainbow hues. She sighed hoping to ease her jumping nerves and lay her hands-on top of the mushroom using it to brace herself and take in a deep breath.

“I said- Watch it Red!” There it was that voice again. Looking down she realized it was the mushroom – speaking.

“Ah!!! Talking mushroom!” She leapt back falling on her behind crawling away from the mushroom. “Who do you think you are? Falling in-“ She wasn’t going to stick around and be scolded by a giant talking fungi. Screaming like a mad woman she ran away from the shroom shouting for the missing Avatar.

“Aang!!!” She shouted panic ringing through her voice. She did this for some time ducking at night birds that attacked her pulling on her clothes and her hair until she was simply walking exhausted. It seemed like she had been going around in circles. “Aang…” She called weakly now walking in circles.

“I’m pretty sure I’m walking around in circles,” She said out loud to herself. “That’s the same mushroom from earlier.”

“No, I’m not.” The mushroom spoke. She wasn’t fazed by it anymore.

She rolled her eyes irritated of this. She really didn’t have any more time to lose. Not that she knew how time moved in this realm. What would Iroh do? What would Zuko do? I mean he was the true master at finding the Avatar.

“Listen here fungus.” She said standing her ground. “I’m looking for a friend. He’s a boy about yei tall?” She pointed with her hand even though the mushroom did not have any eyes to see. “Bald? Has a blue arrow tattooed on his forehead?”

“Nope, haven’t seen him.” The shroom spoke back dismissively.

With hands on her waist she let out a frustrated sigh. She had already wasted enough time running in circles.

“I can help you with that cherub.” She heard a voice say. Again, she turned around looking for the source of this. This voice was nasal, shrill, it almost reminded her of Azula’s. It sent chills down her spine. It was then that she looked up and saw two massive yellow eyes staring down at her. The eyes closed and the massive creature fluttered down landing before her. The standing creature was larger than her and covered with dark fur. It’s two golden insects like eyes starred at her and it’s bat like wings remained sprawled out where two massive markings that resembled eyes seemed to be fixed on her. It was a batterfly. She knew that flutter bats, pollinating mammals, existed but this looked more to be a batterfly a hybrid of a bat and butterfly. It opened its small mouth the creature salivating as its fangs kept its mouth ajar. Uh-Oh… There was something about this creature that gave her a terrible feeling.

“I’ve been watching you.” The creature spoke.

“Who are you? Whatare you?” She asked raising her arms fearfully, stepping back defensively.

“Don’t be shy human.” The creature said advancing stretching out a wing to prevent her from escaping. She eyed the creature’s mouth with nervous unease.

“Think of me as a mere creature of the night. A silent observer. I have been watching you…” The creature cocked its head to the side still salivating. Something about this creature made her skin crawl. “I can help you. I saw your friend, this Aang… Bald, blue arrow, the Air Nomad, right?”

“Yeah!” She exclaimed excitedly. “That’s him!”

“Yes…” The batterfly drawled out slowly before slurping its own secretions. “I know just where he is. I’ll take you to him cherub. If you just get closer… Climb on my back. I’ll- yes – I’ll take you to him.”

She stepped back nervously looking up at the creature.

“You can just… Tell me where he is. Is that okay? I don’t want to be a bother-“ She inched back further and further until she once again bumped into the talking mushroom.

The batterfly became more agitated. It’s began slurping harder. Saliva soaking its front fur coat as it inched closer.

“Climb on my back. Come on. Just get closer- a little closer-“

Her eyes were frozen as she looked at the creature before her petrified. How did one fight a creature like this off? Her eyes darted around the space as she thought of an exit. “Closer!” Was the last thing she heard the creature hiss loudly. She raised her hands over her face crossing them in a defensive matter when she heard a loud hiss.

A bright light made her come to her senses. She saw the batterfly blinded by the light screech as it flew away hitting several trees and branches as it flew away. She stood in shock heaving with her heart on her throat. She guessed this is what Iroh had meant by saying they were dangerous spirits in the Spirit World.

She looked at her hands and realized she was glowing. Somehow, she had instinctually gone into the Sun State mode. She illuminated the room and noticed a translucent almost red string attached to her chest; her eyes followed the string which lead to-

“A lizard?”She deadpanned. She looked down and a couple of feet away from her stood what looked like a foot-tall red lizard with dragon features.

“Move your bum out of my face Red!”

“Oh, sorry,” She apologized to the talking mushroom and stepped away feeling rather foolish for a) apologizing to a talking mushroom b) did the creature even have a face? Shaking her head she returned her attention to the red lizard before her as the light around them dimmed until they were once again surrounding by darkness without the exception of the glowing mushroom.

“Are you stupid or just plain dumb?” It scolded. The way it spoke it reminded her of Sokka’s voice and tone.

“Excuse me?” She glared at the creature running out of patience. “I will notbe harassed by a talking mushroom, a- whatever that was and now insulted by a talking lizard.”

“Look who’s talking about harassment!” The mushroom below her spoke. This was officially insane. She heard the lizard continue to speak but wasn’t listening. “Watch it. Or I’ll step on you!” She threatened raising up a foot glaring down at the creature. She had had officially enough of the Spirit World ready to go back to reality any second now.

“Insolent girl!” The reptile fumed smoke coming out of its nostrils as it slowly grew larger and larger until its body snaked around her in a crescent moon shape. A dragon with scales the color of blood, massive wings, gleaming golden eyes beard and fur stood on all four legs before her. It’s voice now darker, more menacing as it snarled at her. “Out of all of my hosts you have been the biggest of headaches. Brass, impulsive, emotional, insecure- You are an absolute disgrace!”

It took her a moment to put two and two together. Surprised her jaw went slack and the petty insults went completely over her head at the surprise.

“Taiyo Shin,”She gasped. It was the Sun God. “It’s you.” Was all she could manage as she gawked at the massive dragon standing before her.

“What were you thinking? Everybodyknows never to trust the spirits of the night. It would’ve sucked you dry of your blood. Then again, I don’t think anyone would’ve missed you very much.” It scolded coldly glaring at her.

“Hey!” She protested. “It was my only chance at finding Aang. I had to do something.” She huffed. “Also - you and I need to talk.” She stepped forward with an accusing finger. Today would be the day that all of her questions were answered. There was no more time to waste.

“What do you want to know? And no- I do not know your place in the universe.” He let out a throaty chuckle looking at her with what looked like amusement.

She stood tall attempting to look down at the colossal creature. “Why me? And what do you mean I’m your host?” She looked at the spirit before her with large hopeful eyes.

The dragon looked down at her with an irritated look on his face and rested its head on a propped claw.

“You are familiar with our history. Eons ago dragons-“the spirit began dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, yeah- “She waved off dismissively. “Dragons were hunted, so you became human. I know. Whowas the first human that was your host?” She asked exasperatedly.

The dragon closed its eyes and smoke came out of its nostrils.

“The first was a man named Saisho, the rest are all a blur and then there’s you. Also, the first to come to the Spirit World.” The dragon said after a moment. “We came to humans and hid in plain sight amongst the same people that were hunting us. I have been passed from host to host for some generations now. I have witnessed their lives. Seen their joys, felt their pains. The reason we came to be one is unknown to me. I am simply passed from one host to the next. All hosts select their successors. Just as you will one day when the sun sets on your life.”

She listened attentively nodding her head slightly at everything the spirit had to say.

“So..” she began connecting all the dots. “Someone, chose me?” The dragon nodded. “And I will have to do the same- when I die?”

“No,” the dragon said flatly. “You’re not like your friend the Moon Spirit. You are as strong as all of the others that have come before you, you don’t need to leech of my life like your friend did to Tui.” He spoke referring to the Moon Spirit by name. “You are free to choose if you want this life, but remember…”

The dragon began rounding around her snaking her inside of a smaller and smaller circle. “We are fire, energy, and life.”

It stopped next to her resting its monstrous snout next to her. She raised a hand and slowly placed it on its scaly skin taking in the rough texture underneath her fingertips and brushing its golden beard. “Our purpose is to bring life as well as destruction to the worlds and like all things they must be balanced…”

She nodded slowly, finally understanding. “And you’ve been trapped inside humans this whole time?”

“By choice,” the dragon grumbled. “Now, get on my head. I’ve recon we’re running out of time and you still have to find your friend the Avatar.”

She nodded and struggled to climb on the dragon’s large head. It took her a moment to sit at the very front and grab onto both of its massive horns tightly.

“What’s your name anyways? You know, you can come out now right? Dragons are safe, they live in hiding but they are safe. You can live in the Sun Warrior Island, be happy, be with your kind. You know?”

“Call me Huo,” It spoke after a moment. “And I doubt it’d be as interesting.”

Huo didn’t give her a warning before stretching out its wings and lifting up in the skies which were breaking in dawn. She ducked and let out a breathless gasp as the dragon flew. They flew for some time passing glowing clouds as the searched from island to island.

“There,” Huo spoke and she could feel its body rumble when the dragon spoke. She held on tighter as it dove thru the skies to the island below. Landing on a small clearing in the middle of a jungle forest. The ground trembled at the impact.

Aang was sleeping on a small clearing above what appeared to be some ruins. Momo screeched loudly and hid behind Aang who groggily awoke eyes wide at the massive red beast before him. Aang raised a hand ready to bend at the dragon.

“Aang stop!” He heard a familiar voice shout.

The Avatar lowered his hand when he heard her voice. The dragon lowered its head and Tsai stepped down jumping off the side carelessly.

“Aang! I can’t believe I found you!”

They ran towards each other and embraced. Momo chirped and jumped on Aang’s head and then on her shoulder. It was good to see Momo too.

“Aang, I’ve found you. We have to go back!” She said letting go. “We don’t have time. Sozin’s Comet should be here today. I’ll-I’ll help you defeat the Fire Lord. There has to be something we can do. Maybe I can stop the Sun for just a moment?”

“Like all your other ones, that one too, is a terrible idea,” a throaty voice behind her spoke letting out some flames. Aang looked at the dragon behind her with his eyes wide. “Oh, this is Huo. He’s the actual Spirit of the Sun. He lives inside me.” She said casually motioning over her shoulder. After everything she had seen and lived in the past year and more, nothing seemed to surprise her anymore.

“It’s too dangerous Tsai. One lightning hit- We can’t lose you.”

She looked at him hard. Frowning a little. Both of her hands clenched as exasperated balled fists reflected her frustration.

“Doesn’t matter Aang. We’re out of time. I rather be in the real world than in the Spirit World. This place gives me the creeps.” She shrugged looking at her surroundings with unease.

“No,” Aang said stubbornly. “There has to be another way! I feel like there’s more to know. This feels undone.”

“So, you’re not coming back?” She said throwing her arms up in the air angry.

“Go back Tsai. I will return soon. I’m not running away from this.” He reassured her with a serious expression.

She sighed and lowered her head shaking it. She couldn’t believe this. This entire trip to the spiritual world had been for nothing. “Fine,” she sighed in defeat.

“What should I tell the others?” She said returning to climb on Huo’s head.

“That I’ll be back.” Aang said. Momo now sitting on his shoulder. She nodded and rolled her eyes at his response. “Oh,” Aang said as the dragon flapped its large wings getting ready to lift off. “Can you tell Katara than I love her?”

“You can tell her yourself!” She shot him an irritated look. “Let’s go!” She said to the dragon.

Letting out a rumbling roar Huo took off into the air.

“Little harsh?” It spoke to her.

“This entire trip was a waste of time. After looking for Aang for days and finding him he chooses to stay and do who knows what here all because it feels things feel ‘undone’ or whatever that means.” She huffed grumpily.

“Was it?” Huo spoke. “Was it all really for nothing?”

She marinated on the Sun Spirit’s words for a moment. Had this entire trip been in vain? She had accomplished something that not all humans had ever accomplished. Going to the Spirit World in both body and spirit was no small feat. She had also finally come face to face with her true self. She braced herself as the dragon flew higher and higher into the light ready to cross back to reality.

“I guess it wasn’t for nothing…” She said softly, yet loud enough for Huo to hear.

“As long as I am one with you no harm will come to you Tsai of Yu Dao…”

Xxx

The group sat in a circle around the campsite having breakfast. It had been a rough night. Everybody had a long day ahead. Sozin’s Comet would hit the Earth’s atmosphere in mere hours and Aang still wasn’t back. Neither was Tsai who had ventured to look for him in the dead of the night last night.

It was then that a high-pitched noise echoed off into the distance. The teenagers and some of the elders all turned around uneasily looking over their shoulders.

“Anybody hear that?” Toph suddenly said.

It was then that Suki looked up at the sun. She used her hand to shield her eyes from the blinding sunlight.

“Is that… a bird?” She said slowly eyeing an unidentified object that was falling from the sky.

“Is it Aang?!” Katara jumped to her feet looking up.

“That’s my sister!” Mecha shouted after catching a familiar glimpse of red.

“It’s Tsai!” Zuko shouted in panic.

The group could all hear the distant screaming coming closer. Meanwhile The wind whipped against her hair as she free fell down from the sky. She remembered the last words that the Huo had said to her and believed them to be nothing but lies.

“Is she flying?” Toph asked confused.

“Somebody do something!”

Toph couldn’t see. Katara didn’t have enough water to create a massive bubble or something to stop her fall. Suki looked around hoping to make a makeshift trampoline or something. Sokka, Zuko and Mecha ran around in circles hoping to catch her or soften her land. The three eventually bumping into each other and falling back.

They all looked up and heard some loud cackling before seeing Bumi rise high on a massive rock pillar and stretch his arm around catching the girl by her shirt midfall. She hung from his hand lamely, breathlessly, her face white in fear and hair messed up as she caught her breath.

“What were you doing in the sun?” The Crazy King cackled while still holding onto her shirt.

She wanted to respond something clever when she heard a tearing. That... was not good. She let out a scream when her shirt tore revealing the bandeau she wore underneath, and she once again fell luckily crashing on top of the tree boys that had been attempting to catch her. “Thanks for catching me guys,” she sat sitting on top of the three.

“Don’t mention it.” Her brother said gruffly catching the air that had been squashed out of his gut.

“What were you doing up there?” Sokka asked pointing up to the skies as everybody rose to their feet.

“It’s a long story. I’m just glad to be back,” she said sheepishly holding the back of her neck. “I found Aang!” She announced.

It took her some moments to explain to everyone what had happened in the Spirit World and that Aang wasn’t coming until he had fixed his unresolved issues or whatever it was, he still had to do. At some point in between Katara lent her an extra shirt.

"Uncle, you're the only person other than the Avatar who can possibly defeat the Father Lord." Zuko said to Iroh as the group had returned to having breakfast all sitting around in a circle.

“You mean the Fire Lord?” Toph raised a brow and pointed at him with her chopsticks.

"That's what I just said." Zuko snapped and Toph smirked a little before continuing to eat her bowl of rice.

"Hmm..." Iroh hummed thoughtfully.

"We need you to come with us." Zuko pressed unwavering.

Tsai’s eyes were focused on Iroh with a concerned expression.

"No, Zuko." Iroh lowered his chopsticks and shook his head lightly. "It won't turn out well.

"You can beat him." Zuko pressed not being able to come to terms with Iroh’s refusal. He gestured to his friends and then to himself. "And we'll be there to help."

Iroh sighed a long exhausting, draining sigh. "Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don't know that I could."

“Hell, I’ll do it" Mecha shrugged bluntly. “Or my sister. Close your eyes a stab here a stab here. How hard can it be?” He shrugged insensitively earning himself a well-deserved kick from his sister.

“The only way for this war to end correctly without history seeing it as any more senseless violence, a brother killing a brother to grab power, a young man from the colonies seeking revenge,” he rationalized. Iroh looked around at the young adults sitting in a circle before him with a stony serious expression, "The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the Avatar to defeat the Fire Lord."

‘Great and meanwhile Aang is playing ghost back in the Spirit World jungle.’

"And then..." Zuko paused for a moment and turned to look at his uncle with an unsure expression. His eyes filled with hope. "Then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?"

"No." He drawled out slowly. "Someone new must take the throne.” He said turning to face his nephew. “An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor." Iroh smiled genuinely, almost proudly at Zuko. "It has to be you, Prince Zuko."

"Unquestionable honor?" Zuko asked in disbelief lowering his head. A shaken expression on his features.  He shook his head and raised his shoulders in a little shrug, "But I've made so many mistakes."

"Yes, you have." Iroh agreed lightly, "You struggled, you suffered but you have always followed yourown path, you restored your ownhonor. And only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation."

"I'll try, Uncle."

The girl from the colonies appeared distraught and brought her knuckles to her lips appearing deep in thought, her eyes glued to the ground. Her other hand mindlessly reached for his knee in a comforting gesture. His expression was similar, his hand also mindlessly reached for hers.

"Well," Toph drawled out after a moment. "What if Aang doesn't come back?”

“He will,” Tsai spoke. “It’s Aang. We have to believe in him.”

"Sozin's comet is arriving and our destinies are upon us. Aang will face the Fire Lord." Iroh stated calmly. "When I was a boy, I had a vision that I would one day take Ba Sing Se. Only now do I see that my destiny is to take it backfrom the Fire nation so the Earth Kingdom can be free again."

"That's why you gathered the members of the White Lotus!" realization dawned upon Suki and she gestured towards the other members of the White Lotus that were wither sitting or standing around the camp.

"Yes." Iroh agreed with a nod then he addressed his nephew once more, "Zuko, you must return to the Fire Nation so that when the Fire Lord falls, you can assume the throne and restore peace and order." He then frowned. "But Azula will be there, waiting for you." He added distastefully.

"I can handle Azula."

"Not alone. You will need help."

"You're right." Zuko sighed softly then looked over at Katara with a small smirk, "Katara, how would you like to help usput Azula in her place?"

Katara smiled, "It would be my pleasure."

“Tsai?” He squeezed her hand and turned to look at her with a confident smirk. He knew he didn’t have to ask her. But her eyebrows were turned up in worry and she let go of his hand remaining silent. He gave her a confused look.

"What about us?" Sokka asked as he gestured towards himself, then Suki, Toph and Mecha. "What's our destiny today?"

Iroh prodded with a slight grin “What do you think it is?"

"I think that..." Sokka rubbed his chin thoughtfully then smirked triumphantly and slamming his left fist into his right palm, "I think that even if we don’t know when Aang is coming back we need to do everything we can to stop the airship fleet."

"And that means when Aang does face the Fire Lord, we'll be right there if he needs us." Toph added and punched her fists together eager to put the Fire Lord in his place.

“I used to think my destiny was getting my vengeance and destroying the Royal Family,” Mecha began. “But I’ve realized I’ve got to save what’s left of mine. I have to return to the colonies. Take them back from our father who will be there waiting.” He said looking up after a moment his eyes meeting his sister’s aggrieved expression.

“Tsai?” Zuko asked again shaking her shoulder lightly looking at her with concern. “You’re coming with us, right?”

She looked at the group and could feel all of their eyes scrutinizing her odd behaviour.

“I-I don’t know.” She confessed lowering her gaze.

“You’re coming with me, right?” Her brother asked.

“I don’t know.” She repeated again this time louder her tone more aggravated as she shook Zuko’s hand from her body.

“Where do you feel like you need to be?” Iroh asked gently. He lowered his bowl and his hands in his sleeves, despite his gentle tone there was a contrasting hard look on his face.

She didn’t want to say ‘I don’t know’ for the third time in a row. She shrugged uneasily. That forgotten dreadful feeling once again knotting in her stomach making her blood run cold. She hugged her body uncomfortably.

“I just feel like I have to be everywhere and nowhere. I feel like I have to be with Zuko to take down Azula, with Mecha to reclaim the colonies and face our father, with Aang to take down the Fire Lord, with you guys to take down the airship fleet, with Iroh and the rest of the White Lotus to reclaim the Earth Kingdom. I know it doesn’t make sense and I know I’m not the most skilled fighter or the brightest so I wouldn’t make a difference anywhere- but I have this terrible feeling...” She finished explaining a fearful look on her expression.

“You might not be the most skilled or the brightest,” Sokka said. “But you’ve certainly got the most spirit.” He added brightly.

She gave him a flat look; she was being dead serious about this.

“If you don’t want to come back to the colonies Tsai, just say so,” her brother glared at her misunderstanding what she was saying.

“But it’s impossible to be in all of these places at once.” Katara mused looking at her with apprehension.

“Is it?” Iroh stroked his beard thoughtfully.

“’Wouldn’t make a difference?’”Zuko said leaning to her side in disbelief at what she had just said. “Tsai, you’d make all the difference.” He hesitated before placing a tender hand on her upper arm. He paused for a moment. “Wherever it is that you choose to go.” He said in a strained tone.

She looked into his eyes and for a moment forgot that there were others around them. She thought for a moment deciding where it would be the best place to go. Where she was needed the most.

“Okay,” She whispered nodding sadly having made up her decision. “I’ll go to Yu Dao.” She said slowly. Zuko’s expression was unreadable. “Guess I’ll see you after the war?”  She said to him. She had already caused her family enough trouble to last a lifetime. She couldn’t walk out on them now. Not when they needed her the most.

He nodded understandingly respecting her choice.

“Ugh… There goes my breakfast.” Toph gagged interrupting the scene. Those two were just way too damn sentimental.

Iroh couldn’t help but smile a little at the younger girl, “Then let us prepare.”

xxx

Mecha packed up the supplies and weapons he would need on the back of the eel hound. An eel hound was a hybrid reptilian that could be considered one of the fastest creatures on Earth. Capable of climbing and running long distances on land as well as on water.

He noticed his sister was solemnly starring at the back of the prince’s head with what he interpreted as profound sadness.

“Alright,” he said turning to face her with an irate expression on his face. Growing sick of her moping around. He wanted her to come, he needed her to come, but not like this.

“Go,” He said bluntly.

She looked at him confused turning her attention to him.

“Go,” He nudged over his shoulder to Zuko and Katara who were packing to get on Appa. “You’ve been starring at him for almost an hour and haven’t said a single word. I know you want to go with him.”

“Mecha, I can’t. I’ve already- this entire situation. Everything that’s happened to our family. It’s my fault. I have to make things right.” She said feeling guilty as she mounted some supplies on the back of the eel hound. “I’m done making mistakes. I’m going back home with you. We both know its time.” She said sadly.

“A year ago, I told you to go, a year later I am telling you once again: Go.” Her brother said letting out an exhausted sigh and unmounting her stuff throwing it back to her. “It was my fault, I told you to go. Also, nothing I can handle.” He uttered seriously. If he had survived one of Azula’s thunder blasts he could survive anything.

“You can’t take ownership over my mistakes.” She protested.

“Besides,” He pointed a hand at Zuko and Katara ignoring her objections. “I can give you at least twentygood reasons why you should go to the Mainland with them-“

“Alright, go” She challenged narrowing her eyes crossing her arms over her chest.

“Alright,” He repeated in the same tone holding a finger up. “1) If Aang doesn’t come back, you’re the only one that can actuallylay a finger on the Fire Lord. 2) You’ve got to teach Azula a lesson, for the both of us. 3) Look at him, as much as I dislike Prince Ponytail- he needs you,” he admitted in defeat.

She couldn’t help but snigger a little at the nickname.

“He’s grown on you, hasn’t he?” “Shut up.”

“4) Youwantto go.” He sighed dropping his hand as if that was the only thing that mattered.

“I don’t.” She admitted. “I have a terrible feeling about today…”

“Excuses.” He glared unfaltering. “Also,” He said scratching his nose awkwardly before reaching for a scroll from one of his knapsacks. “I need you to do me a favor.” He said handing her the scroll. “Give this to Mai.” He asked a cheesy grin growing on his face.

She couldn’t help but hit his arm with the scroll. His grin only stretched. “The onlyreason you want me to go is so I can deliver a note for you. You selfish prick!” She hit him once again. God, her brother could be such a tool sometimes.

He shrugged in defeat still a lazy smile on his lips.

“Be well Tsai. I’ll see you after the war.” He grinned and hugged her. “Take care Mecha. I’ll see you soon… Hopefully.” She hugged him back tightly. “I’m so proud of you Vice Royal Governor.”

He was about to inquire on why there was such a sadness to her voice when they both turned when they heard a throat being cleared.

Zuko stood looking rather sheepish standing a couple of feet away from the embracing siblings. “I don’t want to interrupt,” he said awkwardly holding the back of his neck. “I just came to say goodbye,” He said tearing his eyes from the scene that felt much more private to him.

He was taken aback when a pair of arms wrapped around his neck in a strong hug that made him take a step back.

“What are you saying goodbye for?” She laughed a little. “I’m going with you!”

“Really?” He asked as a rare smile grew on his face. “I know Azula’s going to be excited to see you,” he teased. She hit his arm playfully. Both turned to face Mecha who was now on top of an eel hound.

“Mecha,” he said respectfully at the older boy.

The young man from the colonies sighed and steered the eel hound towards the couple. Zuko was expecting him to shoot him a jealous sibling death glare or even threaten him.

“Take care of him Tsai,” he said with a small smirk.

“Aren’t you going to threaten me?” Zuko asked in surprise.

“Nope, she’s yourproblem now.” Mecha laughed evilly. His sister shot him a glare. “Good luck,” he winked at them before riding away.

Typical Mecha.

xxx

Zuko sat on Appa's head ready to steer and guide him back to the Fire Nation. Katara and Tsai both sat back in the saddle they looked down at Iroh and the other White Lotus masters who all wished them good luck on their mission.

"So, If I'm to be Fire Lord after the war is over, what are you going to do?" Zuko asked Iroh.

"After I re-conquer Ba Sing Se," Iroh replied with a confident smirk, pulling a white lotus Pai Sho tile from inside his sleeve and flipping it into the air then catching it with the same hand. "I'm going to re-conquer my tea shop and I'm going to play Pai Sho every day."

“That best be an invitation,” Tsai smiled at him leaning over Appa’s saddle. Despite the grin on her face Iroh could sense a lingering cloud of worry.

Zuko smiled slightly at his Uncle.

“I expect you two to come and visit.

Suki, Sokka and Toph were ready across the field looking back at their friends on the back of Appa. Their eyes met and Sokka nodded once. It was time. "Goodbye, General Iroh."

"Goodbye everyone." Iroh responded as he looked at the heroes of tomorrow and closed his eyes for a moment bowing his head, "Today destiny is our friend. I know it." He said confidently.

Xxx

Meanwhile in a distant land…

Fire Lord Ozai stood as the Phoenix King, the ruler of an empire that would rise from the ashes. He stood on top of a hill looking down at the Earth Kingdom’s terrain. Gazing at all the land that would soon be his.

“It’s time for this world to end in fire and for a new world to be born from the ashes.”

The skies cried and darkened with blood as they shifted into an unnatural hue. Wind beat strongly against the mountains and howled.  

Sozin’s Comet had arrived.

xxx

Sunburn Chapter

M A S T E R L I S T

NEXT https://gloves94.tumblr.com/post/623698183927758848/sunburn-prince-zuko-38 PREV https://gloves94.tumblr.com/post/622943347798081536/sunburn-prince-zuko-36

[cornacopicimagines]

fuck you parker │p.p

☆.｡.:*  

paring: peter parker x reader

words: 4.7k

warnings: PURE SMUT, swearing, rough sex?, oral (female recieving)

summary: Something about Peter makes y/n tick, something about y/n makes Peter combust with annoyance but at the same time neither one can deny the sexual tension but both are too prideful to act on it, that is until Peter is fed up and takes his anger out on her in a specific manner.

a/n: i did decide to make Peter & y/n eighteen so that they are of legal age but that doesn't mean everyone else around them is also eighteen.

masterlist

☆.｡.:*  

y/n sat in the cool air-conditioned room of her fourth-period English history class, she smiled contently to herself as she made a mental note that this was one of her very few favourite classes. Not because y/n liked learning about how poetry has evolved but because he wasn't in her class and by him, she means Peter fucking Parker.

The boy got her blood boiling in seconds even without provocation. Every time y/n would see that mop of brown hair she would feel something primal in her to punch his stupid face and Peter felt the exact same way. She wondered if he actually deserved her wrath and insults seeming that all her best friends can say about him are positive comments but then again he was probably putting up a facade around them. y/n forgot when their rivalry started, the only time she can recall starting their arguments was in second grade when Peter beat her in the monthly spelling bee that y/n always won up until then but it probably has been going on ever since the two of them officially met. Ever since then though, the two of them compete whenever they can, y/n would get the best of him and he would lose his shit and then he would beat y/n and then she would lose her shit. It was a constant cycle and a routine that every other student seemed to have memorised along with those two. Sometimes when the pair of them start bickering the teachers would place them at opposite ends of the classroom but that didn't stop glares and snide comments.

Then again, y/n couldn't deny that he was physically good looking. He was really handsome and sometimes she found herself staring at those bulging biceps that would stretch at the sleeves of his tight sweater and imagine what lay under it. y/n would try her best to avert her eyes as hard as she could but sometimes it felt like second nature to let her attention waft over to him even just for a moment. She felt almost ashamed of herself that she thought of him in such lewd ways but it did make for one hell of a session for her when he crossed into her mind and y/n didn't seem like the only one that had the same problem.

Peter was known as the hot nerd, somehow every girl in the school has had an attraction to him whether they acted on it or not or whether it was just acknowledging his features or actually having a romantic or sexual liking to him but every time he was confronted with a pretty girl asking if he was free on Saturday night he would politely decline and walk off as if nothing had happened.

y/n was considered one of the most popular girls in school, she was pretty, smart & had a figure to match, she worked hard and treated everyone with respect and kindness that is except for Peter obviously. y/n didn't really consider herself one of the aforementioned popular girls but she really couldn't care to try and change peoples mind and it did come with its limited perks and of course its downsides. Her looks got her places that they wish they didn't because y/n wanted to show people that she wasn't just an airhead that got advantages just because every guy wanted her to suck their dick and plus it would show Peter that she wasn't the ditz that he likes to call her every so often.

y/n stood at her locker, squished between a bulky footballer trying to get food out of his teeth and what y/n can only describe as a girl who hasn't gone through puberty even though she's seventeen. She shoved her thick textbooks back into her locker before making sure she had all her necessary items for Monday, y/n was looking forward to tonight's plans to lounge about on her couch with her sister and make the most of the valuable time that is a Parent-free weekend. As y/n fixed the stray hairs that fell out of her tight bun she took notice that the two drastically different people that locked her into a human sandwich had left, she wondered why they had rushed off that is until y/n heard the familiar locker be swung open.

"Parker, " she spat, not needing to look at Peter for her to know that it was him on the other end. This was a normal afternoon for the two of them, to bicker while they got their things before refusing to see each other until the inevitable next day.

"y/l/n, " he replied with a low gruff voice, god he sounded hot, she thought. y/n silently thanked whatever God was up there that she was behind this locker door to conceal her faint blush.

"What happen to you, " y/n asked sarcastically, "you sound like absolute shit," she said as she finished playing with the strands of hair.

"Didn't get any sleep, " Peter responded curtly, y/n frowned slightly knowing that he usually bites back but today he sounded tired and aggravated that she was even talking to him.

"Oh what a Greek tragedy," y/n mocked as she finally took her first look at him once she slammed her locker door shut, he looked as bad as he sounded. His hair was messy and ruffled, his skin was red and his right eye seemed to twitch slightly as he glared at her. She wanted to ask him what happen to him but her brain told her mouth to shut up before she could embarrass herself and give more material for Peter to work off when they met again. So, as usual, she went to give him a follow-up retort but was cut short.

"I don't really have the patience for you at the moment y/n, so if you could fuck off that would be fantastic," he snapped as he threw his bag over his shoulder and stomped off. y/n huffed in frustration as she followed his actions and stormed off to a nearby cafe that her friends were meeting up at.

She knew it was a quick walk to the cafe but it would take her some time to get back home so she whipped out her phone and texted her sister.

Meeting with my friends at the cafe will be home later x - y/n

Okay, having my partner for the school fair over now but we should be done by the time you get home - Terri

Cool, we still up for movie night tonight? - y/n

Nah, going to a party and staying Mia's after - Terri

y/n sighed angrily as she tucked her phone into her back pocket. She knew that she shouldn't let Terri go out to a party tonight and that if she did her parents would scold her but y/n knew if she fought Terri on it she would give her that stupid puppy dog look that y/n would have to say yes to.

Before y/n knew it she walked into the warmth of the cafe, her eyes scanning the small area before locking eyes with her best friend Gwen. y/n gave her a wide smile and skipped over and slipping to a sliver of a spot that Gwen had saved for her.

"Thanks, G," she said as she noticed a small bowl of colourful fruit salad infront of her. y/n didn't mean to let her frown creep up on her but before she could erase it with a smile Gwen took notice.

"Peter again?" Gwen asked through a bite of her food. y/n stared up at her through her long eyelashes and give her an exasperated look, "you know he's not that bad y/n." y/n scoffed at Gwen statement as she forked her food.

"Are we talking about Peter Parker," another girl at the table butted in, her short red hair was curled and her face was blushed at the same hue as her locks, "He's in my gym class and I wish he could live in between my legs," she giggled out as she twirled a piece of hair in between her manicured fingers. The comment almost made y/n choke on her food.

"I thought you weren't into, you know, nerds," Gwen retorted as y/n still stared at the girl in disbelief.

The girl scoffed softly, "Oh I am when they have an eight pack and look like a teenage bad boy waiting to come," she replied as she shoved another mouthful of food down her throat. y/n looked up at the girl with wide eyes, she wanted to protest what the girl had just let slip and tell her that Peter was a vile human but the rising heat in y/n was making her shut you up, causing you to become even more frustrated with your dumb feelings.

"You do realise he's a huge dick," y/n spoke up as she raises her eyebrow at this girl, she really didn't want to start an argument over a boy for what felt like the one-hundredth time that week but she said something to doubt her own flustered mind about Peter. The red-head looked unphased and went to tell y/n off but not before a brunette girl chimed in.

"He's a huge dick with a huge dick," she chuckled slightly, once again y/n felt her face heat up and in anger, y/n shoved her uncontrollably blushing face into her hands.

"I cannot seem to get this into you guys, he's a fucking douche," y/n spat as she starting to get frustrated with her friends' obvious thirst for Peter. Though she deflected all of her friends' comments, y/n's mind agreed with everything they were saying which made her even angry with yourself.

"I want him to get into me," the brunette spoke again, y/n thought her eyes were going to pop out of her socket as she watched her friends snicker at their comments and the reactions that they pulled out of y/n.

"I've lost my appetite," y/n exclaimed as she slung her bag over her should and reached for a ten dollar note and threw it on the table, she wasn't going to sit there and let her so-called friends make fun of her and her feelings.

She stormed out, lucky for her that the cool air seemed to combat the growing blush on her face. In minutes she stood on a crowded train as it shook and rumbling around. Her loud music dimmed slightly, indicating she got a text.

Are you alright? - Gwen

I honestly don't know - y/n

I hate defending them but they were just teasing - Gwen

y/n hesitated to text back for a moment but another ding cuts her out of her trance.

Be honest with me, do you have feelings for him? - Gwen

y/n's fingers hover over her phone's keyboard as she tried to rack her brain for an answer that was honest enough to conceal the rest of the iceberg. She did want to tell Gwen all her problems that she had with her emotions but y/n wasn't ready, she still hadn't even admitted to herself yet.

It's complicated, I despise his guts but I can't help but feel something else - y/n

That's totally fine, just make sure you don't hurt yourself in the process - Gwen

Love ya - y/n

Gwen replied with a simple kiss emoji. y/n didn't know she needed that, she didn't know that she needed that slight realization that maybe there was something there at least on her end and if was just her that she could protect herself.

By the time she had arrived her desired stop and walked to her front door, it had been 30 minutes since she had left in a huff and y/n felt guilt in her. Maybe she shouldn't have left, at least not like that, she was more dignified to be acting like a rash child.

She went through the multiple ways she could have dealt with the situations as she unlocked the front door, the lovely warm air wafted over her features as she shimmed off her coat and threw it on the rack next to her. "Terri, I'm home," she called out, no response. y/n quirked her eyebrow and stopped her movements "Terri?" She questioned as she directed her voice upstairs at Terri's room. For a second time, Terri didn't respond, y/n sighed angrily as she stomped up the stairs. "How many times do I have to tell you," she was no yelling as she swung open Terri's door and saw the very last person she would ever want in her sister's bedroom.

"Oh, y/l/n you're home early," Peter spoke with a wide smirk on his face as pulled the earplugs from his ears and turned around to face her. y/n couldn't see her face but she knew she was red with anger and her eyes were probably trying to jump out of her head.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" she shouted as she literally ran towards him in a fit of rage, Peter continued to sit unphased in the desk chair. "And in my sister's room no less!"

"Calm those lovely tits y/n," Peter laughed her rage off cooly which only made her more furious.

y/n grabbed Peter by the collar of his shirt and brought his co close to her face, she was afraid their lips would touch, "As everyone knows, I'm not dumb so cut the shit," y/n growled "why the fuck are you sitting in my sister's room?"

"I'm her partner for the fair, dipshit," Peter responded with the exact same tone as her, but he stood up from the chair making sure never to pull his face away. y/n stumbled back slightly as Peter grew to tower over her.

"That's a total lie, you just want to get into her pants to piss me off," y/n spat, her anger levels rising the more he open that stupid mouth of his, at the same time y/n tried to control the growing wetness that was slowing forming in between her legs the closer he got to her.

Peter threw his head back in laughter, y/n stared at him in shock. "Ask her yourself sweetheart," he told her, y/n didn't get a chance to retaliate because a familiar voice spoke up from behind her.

"y/n, you're home early," Terri said happily as she walked past her and flopped herself on her queen sized bed. Terri caught sight of y/n's frustrated state, "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" y/n chocked out, her attention drifted from her sister to Peter, "You have Peter motherfucking Parker in our house."

"And?" Terri stared at y/n like nothing was wrong like the air was so thick between y/n and Peter that it was basically a fog. y/n stared at like Terri was the dumbest person in the world and to her, she 100% was.

"Why is he in our house?" she asked with sternness in her voice, her eyes still burned holes into the back of his head.

"Oh, he's my partner for the fair, " Terri smiled sweetly. Peter looked at y/n with a wide smile as he watched her stormed out and slam the door behind her.

☆.｡.:*

y/n sat on her messy bed, her loose hair sprawled out and her mind following the beat of a song. Her eyes glanced up to the clock hanging above her tall desk, it had been an hour and a half since Peter intruded.

She sighed heavily, her toes barely touching the carpeted ground. y/n picked up on a door being slammed, most likely the front door. Before she could rush up and make sure Peter tripped on his way out but a harsh knock came onto her door.

Thinking it was Terri, to let y/n know that Peter had finally gone she didn't think twice for opening the door. y/n eyes met with his once again.

"What the fuck do you want, " y/n spat, her arms folding underneath her chest, causing Peter to take a quick glance down.

"Your sister told me, you're having problems with the calculus homework, " the smug asshole wore a proud smirk as he leant against the doorframe.

"Well she's a liar, " y/n retorted with a soft snort as she rolled her eyes at him. Peter felt the familiar annoyance that always made itself know when she was near him, why does she have to be so fucking hard to work with? he thought.

"Don't be fucking difficult y/n," he grumbled, not really in the mood to fight with her for what felt like the 200th time that very day.

"Don't be a dick Peter," y/n bit back as she too felt the rush of anger swell inside her again.

"Don't be a brat," Peter retorted as he took a step closer to her, his emotions acting quicker than his brain.

"Don't be an asshole," y/n, too, took a step towards him. Their faces incredibly close for both of their liking but both were too worked up to even notice the proximity of their boiling skin.

"Don't be a bitch," Their words now getting more vulgar as the longer this heated argument continued. y/n wanted to slam the door in his face after hat he had just called her but she was not thinking properly, like him being near her caused her reasonable side of her brain to completely out of function.

"Don't be a fucking douche," Her eyes now shooting daggers straight at him, her attention watched intently as his focus drifted from her gaze down to her snarled lips, to her flushed skin and finally to her blatant cleavage that Peter thought was begging for him to play with.

Peter took one last look at her enraged expression and took a chance, "Fuck it," he muttered lowly before he leant forward and encaptured her lips with his in a rough movement. y/n stood there motionless, her eyes wide ad her muscles locking in place. y/n felt her brain scream at her to pull away from him but if she was honest her sexual frustration was telling her to pull him closer and confirm all those comments her friends told her earlier.

So she lifted her arms and draped them over his shoulders, pulling him in tighter in her grip. Her hands played with the soft hairs at the nape of his neck and drew small circles at the tip of his back, moaning slightly every time her nail would rack over a bump indicating a defined muscle. Peter moved into her bedroom, his palms squeezing harshly on her hips as he guided her to the front of her bed.

Peter's fingers starting playing with the waistband of her loose gym shorts, his digits aimlessly wondering over her pelvic bone. y/n palms drifted higher on his scalp, her own fingers were now entangling the wefts of brown curls. She pulled away breathlessly as she quickly undid the small number of buttons on her already half exposed shirt, "This doesn't mean anything Parker," she barked as y/n disregarded the shirt and made work on her pink lace bra, easily letting it fall to the floor.

Peter didn't listen to her at first, too much in awe of her body. Boys always talked about her, about how she looked underneath the clothing, how much would her tits bounce if she was on top, Peter just got validation for all the rumours about her.

"Of course," he complied, as he soon starting stripping, now he was down to his underwear and matched y/n. She stared down at his toned figure, damn it, they were 100% right. "Even though you are incredibly hot, I'm still extremely mad at you," Peter explained, "Get on the bed."

"Excuse me," y/n coughed out to hide her growing want. Peter stared at her like she was dumb.

"I said get on the bed," he repeated, slower this time. y/n obeyed him, crawling onto the bed and giving him a gorgeous view of her ass before she lay flat on the mattress. Peter climbed atop her, he reconnected his lips with hers again as her hands pulled her arms above her head before clamping her wrists down with one of his hands. y/n simply moaned into his mouth, quite happy as she lay underneath his complete unable to do anything. Peter's tongue racked up against her teeth, he pulled his lips away from hers with a soft pop before placing them on her neck biting at the skin. "Is this okay?" Peter asked through long kisses, y/n nodded her head vigorously.

His free hand trailed down, tickling the bare surface of her belly, playing with the lace trimming of her underwear before he reached into her. His digits rubbing her softly, painting figure eights on her clit as he continued to press kisses to her blushed skin. "Please," y/n whimpered as the short jolts of pleasure wasn't cutting it. Peter stared up at her, his face contorting into a growl.

"You're not going to say a fucking word until I tell you," he pulled away from her complete, y/n felt her heart drop but quickly jump into her throat as she felt his literally rip her underwear in two, the ripped material flung onto the floor. y/n almost lept for the sky when she felt him blow cool air onto her folds. "Your voice annoys the hell out of me."

"Could say the same to you," she exclaimed sarcastically as she threw her head back into the pillows. Her comment was met with one harsh slap to the underside of her ass, y/n stared down at him in shock. Peter didn't give her anything as he continued the tease her hole, his fingers dancing over all the areas she needed him.

"Keep your hands there," was the last thing she said before he delved in. His tongue lapped and expertly circled her swollen clit, his fingers slid in and out of her hole slowly but surely, his lips sucked and her folds collecting her wetness. Peter made sure to never get out of sync, when his digits came out her sucked a little hard and when he dug his way back in he curled his finger upwards causing y/n's back to arch.

y/n desperately wanted to touch him, in any way she could, she just needed her hands all over him as he ate her like a full course meal. She hadn't like this in ages, her eyes rolled back into her head, moans pushing themselves to the brink of her tongue and yet it was someone who she despised who was giving her such much satisfaction. Peter glanced up at her and noticed she was in a train of thought and sped up, pumping his fingers faster and harder and he softly nibbled at her bundle of nerves. y/n felt it building up inside her, the tingling sensation at the very pit of her stomach as it became harder for her to contain her breathless whimpers. Peter also took notice to her approaching orgasm and made sure to give her one last finger fuck before he retracted from her.

"Fuck you parker," she growled as y/n watched him fumble around the room. She wasn't completely sure why he was checking her floor but she took this as an opportunity to finish herself off, so she trailed her hands down her sweating body. Before she could give herself the release she needed, Peter's palm came down hard and fast onto her sensitive cunt making y/n entire body spasm with pleasure.

"What did I fucking say," Peter spoke harshly as y/n heard his tear open a condom packet, her eyes still shut from the sudden pleasure. Peter stared down at her, he smiled wickedly to himself. She had her eyes closed and her eyebrows were somehow cutely furrowed, her tits lay against her chest with small beads of sweat adorning her skin. He did this to her, he made her feel good.

Without saying a word to her, Peter quickly slipped on the condom and dived into her. y/n's legs instantly wrapped around his waist as he lay dormant in between her tight walls. Peter wonders how such a sour girl could have the most sweetly divine pussy, but that wasn't his focus now. He pulled out of her slowly before slamming right back into. Each time he did it, Peter quickened it. His knuckles stabilized him but laying on either side of her as he fucked her.

Peter could stay inside her for days, the way she would jump every time their skin met, the way her walls released him at the perfect time before snugging him back as he slid in, it was heaven. "Holy shit," he chanted as Peter tried to keep his rhythm up but sometimes failing miserably with the overload of pleasure he was obtaining. Peter looked up at y/n, he felt the urge to give her permission to speak, to scream his name. "Tell me how good this feels."

"So-so good," y/n stumbled, her mismatched tone connecting with the pounds of his hips.

"You can do better than that," Peter told her as he started to slam harder into her, he knew he was leaving marks and he loved it.

"This feels fucking fantastic," y/n stuttered as she pulled at the sheet of her pillows. Her face tucked into the corner of her elbow as she tried to contain her what she felt as uncontrollable moaning.

"'Atta girl," Peter complimented. y/n felt his dick slid into her tight entrance only to have his balls stain her skin with red marks after he pounded her back into the mattress. Finally, y/n felt her orgasm riding, the beautiful feeling making its presence known to her.

"Peter, I'm gonna cum," She told him through heaves of pornographic moans. Peter nodded his head quickly.

"I know," he sped up again, the only thing you could hear is the sounds of mixed groans and loud whimpers and hot, raw skin slapping against one another, "I am too."

And with that, she came. Her release hitting her like a ton of bricks, she felt her body tense up and her mouth emit a loud scream of Peter's name. Her vision went black momentarily as she felt the wave of pleasure wash over her. Seconds later, Peter released as his head fell into the crook of her neck as he pours into the rubber. Slowly, he slid out of her, their combined juices almost dripping out of her tight hole.

Peter peeled off the condom and threw it in the nearest bin. y/n watches him saunter away from her, she wonders if they'll do this again. They must, that was the best sex she ever had and she doesn't mind staring at a completely nake Peter Parker. "Are we doing this again?" she pipes up, it's worth a shot. Peter swivels around to face her, he genuinely doesn't know how to respond to her question. He is completely down for another session of getting lost in that paradise of a pussy she's got but he knows that she hates his guts and he thinks the worst of her.

"Do you want to do this again?" Peter responds as he collects his clothing from her floor.

"I do, but that's all it can be," y/n told him, pouting slightly as she spots her ripped underwear, they were her favourite. "Beside the next time we fuck, you need to buy me new underwear," she giggled slightly as she snatched her broken underwear and threw it at him.

"Deal y/l/n."

"Deal Parker,"

☆.｡.:*

i'm so sorry, i rushed the last part of the smut

[kweebtrash]

Why Stop Now (M)

Pairing:  JohnnyxYutaxReader

Genre: PWP, One Shot, College Au (barely)

Summary: I literally just wanted to write about getting DP’d hardcore with my bias and wrecker. that’s it. It’s just fucking, short and sweet

Word Count: 4.2k

Features:  blowjob, anal fingering, vaginal fingering, anal, squirting, grinding, a smidge of public sex, a little bit of overstretching, 

A/N: Probs will edit some more later like tomorrow when I’m not so tired.

MasterlIst  Buy me a Ko-Fi    

It was a mistake coming here tonight. I didn’t want to be surrounded by a house full of idiots but I most certainly didn't want to run into my ex. Lucas was currently the bane of my existence after I caught him cheating on me at a party similar to this. The moment I saw him I took to drinking my sorrows away in order to forget. I hoped I looked good enough to ever make him regret being the world's biggest asshole to me. The unfortunate part was that I hadn't really eaten much for a good part of the day and the alcohol hit me harder than I wanted it to. I slowed down and worked through clusters of people to head upstairs and rest in Taeyong's bedroom. I hoped it wasnt occupied with a fucking couple as I didn't need war flashbacks to top off my already sour mood. His room was thankfully barren and I closed the door and set the lock.

The bed looked perfect for me to just take a quiet nap and I shuffled slowly to the mattress before throwing myself across it. I wanted my head to stop spinning a bit so I could start making good decisions. Once I was a bit more sober I would head home instead of wallowing in misery and chatting with guys I had slept with in the past. Almost the entirety of my track record was in attendance here which was the cherry on top of my clusterfuck sundae. There was Taeil from my college writing class, Taeyong, the host of the party, from my media class, Jaehyun from the Student Democrats club, and I was sure my most frequent suitors, Johnny and Yuta were floating around somewhere. All in all I was making mistake after mistake in the grand scheme of things.

I shut my eyes and tried to focus on sleep but the music was still too loud even through the closed door and I could hear voices pouring in from the open window. Those voices sounded way too familiar and I winced the moment I recognized them. I hoped to all hell they didn't notice me in the room as they were sitting on the mid roof right outside of Taeyong's bedroom. I curled up and tried to stay as quiet as possible but my plan failed entirely when I heard my name called out in a weed induced slur.

"Heyyyy baby! What are you doing here?!" Yuta giggled.

"Fuck I haven't seen you in forever!" Johnny added.

I grumbled and squeezed my eyes tighter. "Leave me alone. I hit the bottle too hard and I need to sleep it off for a bit."

"Ooh did you see Lucas downstairs? Is that it?" Yuta asked.

I stayed quiet, refusing to answer. 

"Yup," Johnny said. "Definitely saw Lucas. Come here babe. We'll help you get your mind off it."

"Absolutely not." I said, finally sitting up. "You two are the worst trouble makers of them all. I don't need you trying to play games tonight."

"When have we ever played games?!" Yuta took a long drag from the joint he and Johnny had been sharing. 

"Hmm, let's see, leaving me on read, ghosting me, dumping me out of your room after we were done fucking, being complete fuckboys. The list goes on, truly."

"We're not that bad! Besides...you always come back for more, don't you?" Johnny smirked.

My face flared up instantly at his truth filled statement. Little fucker. "Be quiet." I snapped. "That's not the point."

"Yeah, your point should be coming out here and joining us. The breeze is much better up here and it's not as hot as it is in the house."

Yuta was right. The summer weather had been unforgiving especially when a couple dozen people were crammed in a small two story house. The breeze was coming in nicely through the windows and I contemplated actually going out there in hopes that the air would help clear my head.. I sighed and used the bed for leverage to crawl out the window and sit on the roof area. Yuta passed the blunt to Johnny and I laid back against the paneling, staring down at the mess of people on the lawn.

"We've been people watching all night. That dude on the left has been trying to get in this chicks pants for like an hour now. It ain't gonna happen." Johnny laughed.

"Hmm, he doesn't look like he's got game. I wouldn't sleep with him."

"What he's not your type? I thought you liked big dumb idiots?"

"I mean that's why I fucked you, didn't I?" I smirked at Johnny who glared at me.

Yuta snorted and laid back with me, clasping his hands behind his head. "This party blows. Taeyong's cool and all but something needs to happen."

"What would you even want to happen?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Something. Anything. I could get laid or be at home stuffing my face with frozen burritos and passing the fuck out."

"That sounds so titillating."

Johnny snorted. "Heh, tittle."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, you giant man child."

"Do you wanna hook up?" Yuta asked suddenly. He was never one for subtlety.

"Uh...like right now? I still kinda feel like crap."

"Fucking will help with that. We could all fuck." Johnny propositioned.

"Like a threesome?" I looked between the two of the as they shrugged, playing it off real cool. I blushed hard not knowing how to respond. It wasn't something I really had experience in but Yuta and Johnny were my two favorite people to fuck. Johnny was commanding and a little rough with a secretive soft side that poked through every once in awhile. Yuta was dirty to the core, bending me every which way and unabashed at anything he suggested we do. Things usually ended up messy with him but I never thought about fucking the two together. Having Johnny's thickness invade every inch of me while Yuta fucked me from behind; being so completely stuffed that my stomach would clench and I could feel so whole and perfectly ruined. I bit my lip and pressed my thighs together as scenes began to flourish in my mind.

"Hello?" Yuta snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Did you hear us?

"Huh? Uh...yeah, the hookup. Threesome. Um, I've never had a threesome before." I admitted shyly.

"I had one once but it wasn't that great. Dude was hogging the chick the whole time. So Yuta if you pull that shit I'm dipping out."

"Trust me dude. I've got my own plans. You can do whatever you want to her pus-"

I slapped my hand over his mouth, keeping him from saying that vile word. "We get it. You want to fuck my ass."

"You do that?" Johnny questioned.

I sighed and laid back down. "Only with Yuta. He gets excited over it and we'll…"

"She literally cums so hard when we do it. Don't let her fool you, she's just as big of a slut as I am."

"Shut up, asshole! I am not. Well...maybe a little but you don't have to point it out."

"Alright, let's cut the crap. Threesome of not? It's been awhile since you've gotten fucked, right? You and Lucas broke up like a month or so ago." Johnny said.

"Yeah, don't remind me…"

"Agree to fuck us and we'll make sure we can help you forget." Yuta said.

I sighed and gave in, too easily for my liking but the images I created where already burned into my mind. "Sure, why the fuck not."

Yuta said no more and dove to capture my neck in slow and methodical kisses, nibbling ever once in awhile. Johnny's large hand was working itself over my stomach as he leaned down to capture me in a kiss. His lips were so fucking amazing that sometimes it made my heart ache to have them against me. They were full, soft, and he knew exactly how to work them so I would get wet in an instant. I parted my lips and let his thick tongue creep into my mouth, sucking on my own and making sure I couldn't breathe. His fingers wiggled beneath the hem of my shirt and pushed it upwards to expose my chest to the cool breeze.

"Whoa, wait. We can't do it out here!" I whispered harshly.

"Shhh, it's just the beginning. We'll finish everything inside; we need the room anyway. For now I just want you legs spread open and to see if we can make you squirt off the rooftop." Yuta said deviously.

"D-dont you fucking dare!" My face was red at the thought but it shook me to my core. I ached for them to prove that they could make my body do such things.

"Take them off, Yuta." Johnny commanded. 

Yuta slipped his hand under my skirt to grab a hold of my panties and yank them down. I fumbled to try and keep them on, embarrassed that someone might see us but they got tossed to Johnny who pocketed them with a teasing smile. My legs were forced open then, the front clasp of my bra worked apart, so every tender area was exposed. Johnny latched his lips around my nipple, sucking deeply as his long middle finger trailed up the length of my slit. "She's already starting to get wet."

"Of course she is. Told you she was dirty." Yuta commented.

"If you two don't stop talking I'm going to-" I gasped softly as I felt Johnny push his finger inside me. It was slow and precise, dragging up and down my walls to work me up even more. He went back to teasing my breast while Yuta licked his fingers and set them over my clit. He circled them over the sensitive spot, pairing it with more bites to my neck that flowed down to my chest. I didn't know where to even put my hands at this point and I was already arching slightly against all their teasing. I felt Johnny hook his ankle over mine and nudge my leg to rest between his strong thighs. The center of his jeans pressed against the junction of my knee and thigh and he rocked against me, creating as much friction as possible. He moaned deeply against my chest and I couldn't help how frenzied it made my brain.

Yuta nudged his free hand between us, grabbing a hold on my wrist and guiding me to touch him. My fingers rubbed against the denim, feeling the way he was starting to bulge beneath the fabric. I closed my eyes then, letting my senses get overridden by their exploring hands and tongues. Johnny licked his way up my neck so his lips could rest by my ear. "I know you like getting stretched out but how many fingers do you think we can fit in there before you cum." He whispered in his slightly deepened voice. I turned away from him, trying to hide how embarrassed his words were making me and ended up catching Yuta's lips instead. Johnny chuckled softly as he watched my lips get occupied but someone else and shoved another finger inside me. With how big his hands were just those couple of digits had my entrance already working to accommodate him. 

Yuta scissored my lower lips open while the tip of his middle finger curled little strokes against my clit, leaving me open for more sensitivity. My hips bucked then and I squirmed, trying to move away for a moment to regain my composure. Pressure was building within the pit of my stomach as I could feel that orgasm creeping closer. As I tried to close my free leg, Yuta trapped it between his thighs, mimicking Johnny so I couldn't hide even if I tried. Anyone could look up and see me half naked and getting fingered to all hell and back. I knew they weren't going to let me go until I came. My breath burned in my lungs as I couldn't seem to catch it but I was just able to pant out a little beg. "P-please, m-more."

Yuta's fingers joined Johnny's then, forcing two more into me. While Johnny kept steady thrusts, Yuta curled his fingers in a beckoning motion, trying to dig the harshest reaction out of me. "Touch yourself." He commanded, adding a small nip to the shell of my ear afterward. I took over the attention to my clit while their fingers explored and bodies grinded against my thighs. My lower half trembled with the threat of release and I clamped my lips shut so I wouldn't draw attention from the other partygoers below. Both my nipples were overtaken by their mouths again just as I felt increased attention to a particularly sensitive spot within me. I grabbed at Yuta's hand to make sure he stayed in place and commanded Johnny to go faster. My own fingers increased speed as I heard my wetness echoing into the night. 

My toes were curling within my shoes, my body dipping against the panelling, and suddenly a rush of absolute bliss washed over me. I shuddered hard, my body practically collapsing in on itself as I slapped at their hands to try and remove the intensity. They didn't let up, becoming greedy for the way my body was creating splashes down the rooftop. I finally grabbed their hands and pushed them away to snap my legs shut and breathe. I muttered out curses while Johnny and Yuta were all smiles and cheers, high fiving each other in victory of my glorious and wet defeat.

"Damn, I didn't think you could actually do it!" Johnny said as excited as a puppy.

"Dude, I told you! That was fucking hot!"

I wanted to ask myself why I put up with their absolutely idiotic tendencies. They were stupid college kids with minds wrapped around partying, getting drunk or high, and getting laid. Nothing remotely appealing about that- then I was harshly reminded why I sought out their company when Johnny's bulge grazed against me again. When I glanced down I could tell that his jeans were trying desperately to keep him contained and he would be growling in my ear at any moment if he didn't get more attention. "We need to get inside." Johnny grunted right on cue. Yuta nodded and crawled up to the open window, tossing himself inside. Johnny and I followed suit and we were a clash of kisses and tongues, pulling off the rest of our clothes until my head was between Johnny's thighs and Yuta had my ass raised.

He shuffled around, rifling through Taeyong's drawers, looking intently for something. I was curious as to what he was doing but still currently occupied by the way Johnny filled my mouth entirely. I swallowed around him and gripped at his base to try and prevent him from thrusting harshly. He was always trying to get me to deep throat him but I couldn't take everything at once. It would usually end in a glaring contest with his hand firmly pushing my hand down until I tapped out. This time he seemed to be a little bit gentle and focused instead on the way my lips looked flowing over his thickness.

Yuta finally came back after a victorious exclamation. He had found whatever he was looking for and finally joined us on the bed. My hole was perfectly presented for him and I felt the familiar chill of lube against me. That must have been what he had been searching for in Taeyong's drawers. I sighed around my mouthful as his fingertip nudged against the barrier, slowly rocking until he poked through. His slender finger was enough to make me whimper and reach back to tap his outer thigh when I needed breaks. He was always good about that and filled our pauses with kisses up my spine or his thumb grazing the entrance of my heat. Eventually he was able to work his knuckle in and get a consistent rhythm going.

I popped off of Johnny when I felt his pre cum splatter across my taste buds, making sure he didn't get too worked up. He fumbled around for his pants that had been discarded on the floor, getting into the pocket of his jeans to pull out a condom. He ripped it open and I helped roll it on, kissing the tip playfully. "Yuta, let her move up to my lap." Johnny demanded.

Yuta scooted us closer so I could straddle Johnny and he could remain behind me to work my ass open. As Johnny slid his cock through my wetness, Yuta started to pry a second finger into me. He added a bit more lube and latched his teeth onto my shoulder, his other hand coming to cup my breast and make small pinches at my nipple. Johnny grabbed onto my hips, lifting me just a bit so I could sink down on his length. I bit down on my lip as soon as I felt that heavy fullness even within my stomach. He let out a moan from deep within his chest, head tossed back against the pillow and lips parted slightly. My bounces were small at first, giving Yuta a pace he could still work with as I desperately needed them both in me at the same time. I wished he could hurry up but patience, time, and dedication were needed for him to fuck me senseless.

The second finger made its way in fully and I felt the slight sting of my muscles trying to accommodate him. I took a few deep breaths, letting him push forward on every exhale. He scissored his fingers little by little, chuckling when he saw me gaped open. My cheeks burned as I knew he loved seeing me spread apart for him. I elbowed him gently, trying to get him to stop as my embarrassment continued. His lips were by my ear whispering the softest of teases. "You look so good like this I couldn't help myself."

"Yeah, we'll save your tired old lines for-" My hand flew to my mouth to cover a harsh gasp that was about to escape. Johnny had bucked his hips particularly hard to gain my attention. His brows were furrowed in irritation and he landed a heavy slap on my ass.

"Less talking, more working." He grunted.

I pouted but rolled my hips, feeling Johnny's cock press against my walls while Yuta curled his fingers deep within me. It was getting easier for him to work me open and the third finger edged in almost seamlessly. With each roll of my hips I was fucking myself back against them, squeezing my eyes shut and trying not to be too loud. I was sure the music would cover me but I didn't need the possibility of Taeyong coming in and see us defiling his bed.

Johnny dug his fingers into my thighs as he increased his pace. Heated skin on skin echoed throughout the room, mixing in with his slightly animalistic grunts and groans. Yuta gently rubbed my ass making my heart race as I knew what was next. "You ready?" He asked with a bit of concern. 

I nodded and turned my head for a kiss, his lips morphing into a smile as soon as we connected. "Dude, slow down a sec." Yuta told Johnny who seemed peeved at the request. He stopped his motions entirely as Yuta bent me over Johnny's torso. I heard the rip of his own condom packet and a few moments later he was lined up against me, thumbs spreading my asscheeks apart. Once his head creeped in past the barrier I buried my face deep into Johnny's neck, whimpering helplessly. 

"You ok?" He asked. I nodded, content that the both of them were showing their soft sides of being concerned for my well-being. It was a breath of fresh air given their usual antics.

"I got her. We've done this before." Yuta reassured the other man. More and more of me was filled, making my legs almost give out from their place over Johnny’s hips. All I could scream was 'oh god' in my head over and over and when Yuta finally was in the three of us groaned at the intense tight feeling surrounding around us.

"Please just fuck me." I said. I didnt want to waste anymore time as I needed my body turned into a pillar of pleasure between them. Yuta was the first to thrust and he grabbed a hold of my arms, pulling them behind me like reins to control his pace. Once Johnny joined in my eyes got lost in the back of my head and I was in a whirlwind of bliss. Each slam of their bodies into me created pressure that sent tingles throughout my entire being. I tried to keep up but it was hard to press into them when my body was getting destroyed. Veins and ridges crept up my walls, dragging through nerves and places I didn't think they could have ever reached. My thighs quaked as weakness set in but my lust wouldn’t be satisfied until I felt the warm heat of their cum inside me.

Johnny gripped my neck gently, nudging his thumb to lift my chin up so our lips could crash together. It was a sloppy mess of tangled breaths and soft groans, our tongues trying to stay melded as he fucked me harder. I clenched around him, bucking slightly when he pushed through the tightness. My second orgasm was approaching way too fast but there was no way to stop it. I pressed my forehead to Johnny, his whisper against my lips now. "Fuck, I wanna come for you."

"Don't say it just do it." I pleaded. 

Suddenly I was yanked back to be pressed against Yuta's chest. "You complained about that other dude hogging chicks and now you’re doing the same thing. Share a little." He chuckled.

"F-fuck you!" Johnny managed to groan out as he started to swell against my tightness.

"Such a cop out, cumming first." Yuta turned my face towards his, getting a taste of my lips again. He was thrusting upwards, getting every inch of him to slam into me relentlessly. He parted from me to replace his tongue with the pads of his index and middle finger. They pressed down on my tongue and I sucked hungrily around them. "You want me to touch you?" He teased. I nodded vigorously. If he added that extra magical sensation to my clit we'd all be a symphony of chaotic messes. He shoved his fingers in deeper, almost touching the back of my throat before teasing the digits back out slowly.

He worked them down between my breasts and towards my stomach until they met my clit and worked steady circles into me. Occasionally, he would tease my entrance, getting his fingertip in besides Johnny's cock and crooking his finger just an inch or so inside me. My eyes squeezed shut as I couldn't help but left let a loud moan run free, practically screaming for him not to stop. Johnny forced through one last sloppy thrust, raising his hips so his cock crashed against the deepest part of me, and spilled all he had within the rubber. I still felt that comforting heat through my lower belly and a smile crossed my lips. God, I needed that again and again. Yuta still was vibrant as ever, continuing to ravish me until my body tensed and flushed with warmth. I clenched my thighs around Johnny’s waist as my next orgasm gushed out, leaving trails across his abs. “F-fuck, s-sorry.” I whispered. He shook his head and sat up, cupping my face to kiss my lips and tired body. I held onto him as I could barely keep up with Yuta though I could feel him ready to lose himself at any moment as well.

“Don’t be sorry. You felt so fucking good.” He purred as he slipped out of me slowly. He gave me a wink as Yuta began his greed tirade of final thrusts, bending me over completely and ramming my ass back against him. Johnny watched us, making sure my head was turned towards him so he could see every expression of pain and pleasure on my face. I curled my fingers around the wrinkled bed sheets whimpering out Yuta’s name. His hips stuttered and his blunt nails dug into my skin as he burst within me, shoving his sheathed released as far down as he could. Johnny laid back and Yuta pulled out, flopping beside me. I could finally give my body the break it deserved as my lustful greed was quelled for now.

“Not gonna lie, I kinda missed that.” Johnny said.

Yuta hummed in agreement which got me thinking. We did all have good chemistry together and it was all for fun and after the hell I went through fun was exactly what I deserved. “Should we do it again? Like hook up? The three of us?” He asked.

“Well we’ve all fucked and then had this threesome so why stop now?”

[deadmomjokes]

I’m in a situation with some friends where a double standard is involved. It’s me, a couple, and other people. But the double standard involves me and the couple. I will say a joke and the boyfriend will call me annoying/stupid or to shut up/go away. Then his girlfriend will say/do the EXACT same thing I did and he will laugh and call her cute and kiss her. I want to bring it up because yeah they are dating but the fact is it’s not fair to treat a friend or someone you care about like that.

double standard anon again. I want to bring it up especially since this has been happening a lot more recently and all of my friends will be going on a trip together, I don’t want to snap and say something I can’t take back I need to approach the situation where I get my point across without crying/sounding bitchy.

___________________________________

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is just a disgusting situation, and you don’t deserve that. What he is doing is horribly toxic, and totally unacceptable. I would be shocked if he didn’t realize what he’s doing, because it sounds absolutely purposeful to me, and I’m so sad and angry on your behalf.

If you are wanting to bring it up, I would suggest starting with the others in the friend group. Maybe try asking them if they’ve noticed it, and let them know how it’s affecting you. If they are unwilling or unable to help you address the problem, or don’t see it as a big deal, my next step on the escalation ladder would be going to the girlfriend rather than the boyfriend, because he is the one saying horrible things to you and it’s more likely that she’s unaware rather than him (it is possible he might not realize it and is in for one heck of a wakeup call, though I’d be really surprised if anyone could be so deeply hurtful and not realize they’re doing it).

I personally find letter or email-writing helpful, especially to say something along the lines of “I’m writing it down because I don’t want to get flustered in the moment, because our friendship is really important to me and I want to make sure I can say this accurately without getting stressed out.” If you’re more comfortable talking out loud, of course, maybe just ask if you could get her to help you with something so you two are alone, and go from there. But I would definitely suggest not going straight to the boyfriend right away without having talked to others involved, because it really seems to me like he’s the main perpetrator/offender here. (And I’m honestly still reeling from how disgustingly obvious and horrible and rude he’s being to you, like dang, dude, that’s awful, and I’m honestly really proud of you for wanting to fix it instead of just wanting to jump to ditching the whole lot of them. That’s a really mature thing for you to do; I’m usually so conflict averse I’d just ghost them and move to canada or something. Not really, but my point is, you’re being so strong and grown-up about this even though the situation is absolutely gross and very hurtful.)

If it comes down to talking to the boyfriend directly, I’d make sure to emphasize that you’re bringing it up because you're invested in this friendship, and you wanted to clear the air directly so that there aren’t hard feelings in the future and you can all continue being friends without anyone feeling uncomfortable.

I know this is the kind of stuff they teach you in elementary school (at least, they did when I was in elementary, we got this lesson 2x a year from the counselor in an attempt to stop kids from beating each other up), but it can be helpful to remember “I statement” communication techniques, both in person and in writing. It’s all to avoid sounding accusatory by putting things in terms of how they affect you, not what the other person is doing. It plays on peoples’ sense of empathy rather than them feeling defensive because their actions are the focus.

So instead of “you’re being unfair, rude, and hurtful,” which, it must be said, is 100% accurate and true, it would be something like, “I feel really unwanted and hated and hurt when this specific situation comes up where I say something, get told I’m being annoying, and then someone else says it and it gets a laugh.” It is also helpful and recommended by communications experts (at least it was back in my day) to state what you’re looking for in terms of resolution, and why you’re engaging in the conversation. So you could add something like “I’m not jealous, just hurt and wondering what’s going on. I want to feel like I can be myself with my friends, and I want to see what we can do to fix this so everyone is comfortable around each other.”

Now, I could see several bad responses on his/their part. One being that “It’s just a joke, lighten up.” At that point, it’s going to be a matter of continuing to express that it’s not something you find funny, that you feel genuinely hurt, and then holding your ground. This may end up in a situation where there is just this awful personality conflict that can’t be gotten over, in which case I am even more sorry because the only real solution for your emotional safety and well being is to no longer engage with them socially, if they’re insistent on continuing this “joke.”

Another possible response that would be absolutely vile but very telling would be that he says he genuinely finds it annoying when you do it but cute when she does it. That is unacceptable as a human being, and especially as a friend, and to me is the death blow for this social relationship. If the other people involved are unwilling to take a stand against that kind of cruelty, or (in the above situation) are unwilling to ensure your comfort in the group, they are not being friends to you.

I hope that this works out in such a way that the conversation goes easily, and that it gets resolved once and for all so that you can feel happy, loved, and welcome in your friend group. I hope this trip goes wonderfully and peacefully.

Feel free to let me know how things progress, and I hope in all these ramblings there was something that might help. If only to know that you’re not being unreasonable or rude, you have a right to feel welcome and unpersecuted in your friend group, and this behavior you’ve been dealing with is definitely unacceptable and cruel. And that you are being a genuinely mature and good person in wanting to address this before you reach your boiling point. You have all my best wishes, especially moving forward, and may something like this never, ever happen again!

[prettyboyspenceee]

Chapter 3 - The dress, the poison and two halves of one confession

A/N: This took me SOOOO long! I’m so sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoy!

Description: Olivia steals a dress, victims of an unsub look strikingly similar to a team member and feelings are shared.

Character Appearances: Olivia Morales, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ” Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan

Disclaimer: I don’t own Criminal Minds, sorry to disappoint! I do own Olivia Morales and other surprise characters.

Word Count: 2,469

Posted: November 8th, 2019

---

Olivia sent a silent prayer and a silent curse to Penelope Garcia as she quickly exited the Thai restaurant. Penelope had set Olivia up with a blind date and it wasn't going well.

Olivia was itching for a case and this one came at the perfect time. 

---

"Mouse! Who's the lucky guy?" Derek exclaimed. 

"It's you, babe," Olivia said with a wink. 

Derek let out a loud laugh that got the attention of the rest of the team. 

As Spencer looked at the flurry of curls rushing to her desk, his eyes almost bugged out of his head. The scarlet red dress fit her in all the right places and Spencer thought she looked stunning. 

"Liv! You stole my dress?" Emily yelled from across the bullpen. 

Olivia let out a childish giggle, "Sorry, Em!"

Penelope walked into the bullpen and quickly rushed to Olivia, bombarding her with questions. 

"Penelope, the guy was an asshole who couldn't deal with the fact that a woman has a life outside the kitchen," Olivia said. Her statement caused everyone to quiet down. 

"Damn," Penelope whispered, "I really thought he was a good one." 

"Don't we all," Olivia said with a sigh.

"Great, you're all here. Hotch wants us in the conference room in five," Rossi announced as he exited his office. 

"Do I have time to change, Rossi?" Olivia asked hopefully. She loved the dress but she didn't feel like it was proper work attire, "I'm freezing."

Rossi shook his head with a small smile, "Sorry, Kiddo. Bossman says it's urgent."

As the rest of the team went up to the conference room, Spencer had an idea. He quickly scrambled through his go-bag to find a sweater. 

"Here, Liv, take this." 

Olivia gave Spencer a bright smile, "Spence, I'm fine. Keep it."

"No, take it. I can see the goosebumps on your arms," Spencer insisted. 

Olivia took the sweater and pulled it over her head, "Reid! This is longer than my dress!" She laughed. 

Spencer shook his head with a smile, "We should get to the conference room before Hotch has our heads," Olivia said.

"Good idea," Spencer nodded as he felt the blood rise to his face. Why did she have to wear that damn dress?

---

"Liv, where did you get that sweater?" JJ asked with a smirk. 

Olivia rolled her eyes, "It's Reid's."

JJ couldn't help but notice the small blush on Spencer's face and Olivia tucking a piece of hair behind her ear 

"Morales, you could’ve changed,” Hotch said with a small smile. 

Olivia let out a small groan, "It doesn't matter now. Where are we going tonight?” 

Penelope cleared her throat and passed around the case files, "Serena Cooper, Savannah Daniel, Georgia Howell, and Nadine Jackson. All Lambertville, New Jersey natives. All were 25-30 years old and their cause of death is still unknown." 

As Penelope pulled up the photos of the victims, the team held a collective breath, all the victims looked like Olivia. 

"Well, that's new!" Olivia said with a light chuckle, she wasn't very good in situations where the attention was all on her.

"Morales, you can sit out of this case," Hotch said.

"No. We owe it to these women and the women who will come after to catch this bastard. I'm not being benched," Olivia said sternly. 

The team looked at Hotch and then Olivia, "Fine. But if you need to sit this one out-"

"I won't." 

---

The team had been on the case for a week and they had nothing to work with.

"We now know that all of these victims were killed by lethal injection of potassium, but we just don't know why," Olivia said. She was tired and frustrated. These victims looked just like her, Olivia felt like she owed it to them to find their killer. 

"Okay, let's run with what we do know," Morgan said firmly, "we know that these women were single, young, and they were last seen at different bars. We know that Morales has no connection to the victims or this town. Due to the nature of these crimes we can say that the unsub is a woman."

It was then when Olivia had an idea, "What if our unsub is a scorned lover?" 

"Olivia's right. The unsub clearly has a pattern and the leading motive of female killers always have some type of love component. She could be using a ruse to make the victims feel safe at a bar and then dose their drinks or food. She could offer to take them home and then dose them," Spencer proposed. 

"Hotch, it makes sense," Emily said. 

"We're going to release the profile but only to local law enforcement. So far our unsub doesn't know that we're here and we can use that to our advantage," Hotch announced. 

---

After the initial release of the profile, the team began to discuss how they would catch this unsub.

"Use me, I fit the unsub's pattern," Olivia proposed. 

"Absolutely not!" Spencer yelled.

"Olivia, it's too risky," JJ said with a frown. 

"It's the only way we are going to catch the unsub! I fit the pattern and she won't pass up this opportunity. The one bar she hasn't hit is Jewels. Morgan, Reid, and JJ can be my backup," Olivia said. She was desperate and this was the only way she could fix this. 

Hotch considered this for a moment, "Fine," he then turned to Morgan, Reid, and JJ, "Do not take your eyes off her all night."

JJ and Morgan nodded while Spencer didn't even look up. 

"Reid?" Hotch said sternly. 

"Okay." 

---

"I hate that you look this good when we're about to take down an unsub," Emily groaned. 

"It's completely unnatural!" JJ agreed. 

Olivia rolled her eyes, "I could say the same for you two."

Olivia, JJ, and Emily were all dressed up so they could blend in with the bar scene. 

"I wonder how the boys are doing?" Olivia wondered. 

"Well, we all know that Spence won't be able to take his eyes off you!" Emily smiled. 

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" JJ said smiling. 

"Hey! What do you mean nothing?" 

"Yo! Let's go!" Derek yelled from outside the ladies' locker room. 

"We're coming!" Emily yelled back. 

As soon as they walked out of the locker room, Derek groaned, "How can Morales look so good when she's about to go take down an unsub." 

"That's what we said!" JJ said in agreement. 

Olivia rolled her eyes once more, "What do you think, Spence?" Emily asked, hoping to get some sort of reaction.

"Uh-um, I-I think you look great," Spencer stuttered out. 

Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Thanks." 

Hotch and Rossi entered the room, "I want you all to listen closely to your assignments. Morgan, Reid, and Morales will be on the floor while Prentiss and JJ will be in the bathroom waiting for Morales and the unsub. Rossi and I will be waiting outside with backup." 

The team nodded. They were ready. 

---

Olivia had been sitting at the bar for what seemed like hours. 

"Morales, I don't think that she's coming," Derek whispered through his coms. 

"No, she's coming."

"Why is a girl like you sitting at this bar all alone? I've been watching you all night and all you've ordered is a club soda with lime. If you stay until last call I could get you something stronger, maybe have a drink together," the bartender said with a wink.

Olivia smiled politely, "Sorry, but I'm waiting for someone." 

As Spencer overheard the conversation, he was tense. Olivia would never go out with a guy like that, he could just tell that the bartender was absolutely vile. 

"Hey, Pretty Boy, are you okay?" Derek asked. 

"I'm fine, Morgan.”

"The way you're clenching your fist is telling me that you're not. Our girl is strong and she's capable of handling that guy," Derek said.

"I know that."

"Well, then why - oh, I see. You're jealous," Derek said with a smirk. 

"No! I'm not!" 

"Yes! You are!" 

"Morgan." 

"I knew it! Pretty Boy has a crush!" 

"Morgan! Stop! Look," Spencer gestured to Olivia and they saw that she was speaking to a woman. 

Spencer quickly alerted the rest of the team. This was it.

---

Olivia knew this was the unsub. She called herself Amy and at first glance, she just seemed like an older woman trying to make sure that young women were staying safe when they were alone. Olivia saw through her facade, she saw the masked hatred in her eyes and she saw her distant body language. Olivia just couldn't figure out why. 

A crash got her attention, Olivia looked to where the sound came from and let out a breath as she realized that a waitress dropped a glass. 

"Oh, hun. You are so tense!" Amy pushed Oliva a new glass of club soda, "Have a drink!" 

Olivia gave her a thin-lipped smile, she knew that if she didn't take the drink, Amy would figure out who she was and blow this entire case. She knew that if she did take the drink, she would be in danger. 

"Liv, don't drink," Olivia heard Spencer say through her com. 

"Morales," Hotch said warningly. 

Another crash got Amy's attention. Olivia used this small window of time to get a napkin and put it in her drink. The napkin would absorb the drink so it would look like she took a sip. Olivia quickly threw the napkin to the ground as Amy turned back around. 

"Thanks. I really needed that," Olivia smiled. 

"No problem," Amy said. 

It wasn't long before Olivia had to act like she was drugged. 

"Hey, Amy, I'm not feeling too good. I'm going to head to the bathroom," Olivia said. She tried to slur her words the best as she could. 

"Oh! Okay! I'll come with!" 

Olivia nodded. She almost had her. 

---

As Olivia stumbled in the bathroom she knew that JJ and Emily were standing on the toilets to avoid being seen. 

"I met my husband in this very bar," Amy said with a sad laugh, "we made out in this very bathroom like we were teenagers. We got married a year later and we were together for 15 years!" 

Olivia giggled, "That's crazy."

Amy let out a sarcastic laugh, "You're right! It was crazy! It got even crazier when he cheated on me with a whore like you." 

"Huh?" Olivia said. She knew that the end of the relationship was the trigger. 

Amy made her way towards Olivia, "Remember that you did this to yourself." 

As soon as Amy pulled out the needle she was pushed against the wall by Olivia and suddenly surrounded by Emily and JJ. 

"Bitch!" Amy screamed. 

"Amy Gardner, you are under arrest," JJ said. She began to read her rights as she led her out of the bathroom. 

Spencer rushed into the bathroom, "Liv! Are you okay?" 

Olivia smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Yeah, Spence. I'm okay." 

Spencer pulled Olivia into a tight hug, "I'm so glad you're okay." 

Emily and Morgan shared a look, something was up. 

--- 

Spencer knew it was girls night so he went home alone after the case. Usually, he didn't mind being alone, but tonight he missed Olivia. 

---

Olivia, Emily, and Penelope were tipsy. JJ, not so much. She decided that someone had to be sober tonight.

"Livvy! What is going on with you and Spencer!" Penelope shrieked. 

"Nothing!" Olivia let out a giggle, "We're just friends." 

"Liv, the way he looks at you is not the same way he looks at me, Em or Penelope," JJ stated. 

"Livvy, that boy loves you," Emily said, her words were beginning to sound slurred. 

"Em, just drop it," Olivia said. 

---

Olivia was uncharacteristically giggly. She was acting extremely loving and JJ was going to use it to her advantage. 

"Liv?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, Jayje?" 

"How do you feel around Spencer?" 

That question got Emily and Penelope's attention, they sat straight up and watched Olivia intently. 

Oliva smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. JJ noted that she did that a lot when she was around Spencer, "My heart races. He makes me feel safe, he makes me feel happy, he makes me feel alive," JJ noticed the blush rising to Olivia's face.

"Go on, Liv," JJ said. 

"He gets me through the day, sometimes he gets me through the night. He's one of my best friends. I don't know what I would do without him." 

"Oh my god," Emily said. 

"Oh, shit," Oliva realized what she had said, "I think I have a crush on Spencer." 

JJ watched as a frantic Olivia paced across Penelope's apartment,  "I can't go back to my apartment. At least not tonight. I'm way too drunk, I'll say something stupid. I need a change of clothes, what am I going to do?" 

JJ stood up and placed a hand on her young coworker's shoulder, "I'll go to your apartment and get you a change of clothes. You have the whole weekend before you have to go back home."

Olivia wrapped JJ in a hug, "Thank you so much." 

Olivia handed JJ her keys. JJ smiled, she had a plan.

---

Spencer heard footsteps coming up the stairs in his hallway and he quickly rushed to greet Olivia. 

"Liv?" Spencer called out.

"Sorry to disappoint, Spence. It's just me," JJ announced. 

"Hey, JJ. Where's Olivia?" 

"She thought she was too drunk to come back so I'm just bringing her back a change of clothes." 

"Oh." 

"I'll be right back," JJ said as she entered her friend's apartment. 

Spencer waited for about 5 minutes before JJ came back out with a small bag filled with comfortable clothes. 

"Hey, Spence, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"How do you feel about Oliva?" 

"I love her, she's a great friend."

"C'mon, Spence. You can tell me anything." 

"What do you want me to tell you?" 

JJ internally groaned, "How do you feel when Oliva walks into a room? How do you feel when she smiles at you or when she falls asleep on your shoulder?" 

Spencer took a deep breath, "When Olivia walks into a room I feel free. When she laughs, I feel like I'm floating and my heart begins to race. When she falls asleep on my shoulder, I feel as if I'm the luckiest guy in the world." 

JJ smiled, "Spence, I think you have a crush on Olivia." 

Spencer's eyes widened, "I think you might be right." 

JJ patted Spencer's shoulder, "Have a goodnight, Spence." 

"Y-yeah. You too," he said as he retreated into his apartment. 

---

Three more victims had turned up in completely different states. All of the victims were missing one pinky.

---

tags: @reid-187​ @queenspencerreid05​