#absolutely no one asked for these but im gay and i wanted a hot cop gf in a domestic setting

[jackofsometrade]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt. 9:

season 3, episode 1, “Ride”:

- here we go season three‼️‼️

- give me some gay shit

- i just SMASHED an angel heart and an iced coffee so i am ready to go

- i do recall this episode being very gay in a very Gatsby way so i’m feeling excited

- i love rich people they’re so terrible

- winnie not saying “come home safe” to thursday because they’re all still shook up over what happened

- thursday assuming jakes would be the person to see morse

- “not since he got out.”

- ^jakes picked morse up from prison and also visited him in prison confirmed

- this whole episode proved that morse was well liked even though he doesn’t like being around people

- people. like. him.

- he’s a loner because he chooses to be. because HE thinks there’s something wrong with him

- they were not subtle with their plagiarism of Gatsby and i respect them for it

- going all in on the dark academia vibe

- thursday misses morse so much im SICK

- morse got invited to a party which means the gay stuff is gonna start happening

- monica deserved better ‼️‼️

- “he doesn’t want to be found”

- do you mean physically or spiritually queen?

- morse walking through this party has me cackling he’s so buttoned up

- roddy is gay for bixby

- i have 0 proof i’m going on vibes alone from a 0.2 second interaction

- thursday is wild for just breaking into morse’s house and waiting

- morse is absolutely gorgeous in maroon

- the way morse is so obviously trying to flirt with bixby and is confused when he doesn’t flirt back

- “and what’s the truth of you?”

- king CALM DOWN

- morse looks at bixby like hes another mystery to solve which means he is immediately obsessive and attached

- “you hardly know me!” “gamblers instinct”

- this translates directly to “ur hot”

- morse taking on bixby’s mentality to decide how to approach his life is so…

- “how was it?”

- strange i need you to reconsider the questions you ask

- he was a COP in PRISON

- this woman is awfully quick to assume morse is attracted to her

- the way he’s so uncomfy 😭😭

- given that jakes is the one who went to go see him in prison and given that he is clearly upset that morse is gone and given that he thinks he won’t be coming back…

- jakes is the only one who knows what morse went through in prison

- he knows!

- and he’s mad morse isn’t coming back

- “i wouldn’t hold your breath”

- he’s mad

- i need answers ‼️

- morse looks jealous asf that bixby’s attention is tacked onto Kay instead of him

- it is so unfair that both Kay AND bixby are using morse to get to each other

- like literally using him and for what

- “are you falling in love with me? men do.” “i can see how that might happen.” “then why don’t you kiss me?”

- i fucking HATE these manic pixie dream girls in the sort of episode

- like shut up

- no girl acts like this

- immediately jumping to his boyfriends protection 🙄🙄

- munch.

- “bix, you could have any woman in the world.”

- and then IMMEDIATELY looking ashamed for having said it

- he is basically saying “you could have anyone. you could have me. so why her?”

- them on the dock together is so intimate

- you can tell they feel it’s the last they’ll see of each other

- even though they don’t know why

- a romantic opera playing during this scene (depicting a forlorn man finding his lover dead)

- jakes being the only person to try and talk to him after he finds bixby 🥲

- morse trying to express to thursday why he feels like he doesn’t wanna come back and thursday being like “stop being a pussy and get used to it” is so insane

- bright is doing his absolute best to apologize and i gotta respect him for it

- my mom giggles every time thursday speaks (she has 0 clue what’s going on idk why she’s watching w me)

- morse opening up about prison makes me 🫤

- he didn’t know whether thursday was alive or not for so long 🫤🫤

- rich people in this time period really just stood around in silence drinking and smoking and thats all

- wish i was them

- ope nvm they also got abused by their husbands i do not wanna be them

- thursday WOULD love magic shows

- he is that bitch

- after morse got shot he reacted poorly to everything from a door slamming to a car backfiring; thursday gets shot and he lets a magician fully point a gun at him and fire for FUN

- heroin feels like such a random tie in to this episode

- like it makes sense in the plot but why

- morse is awfully quick to defend bixby despite not knowing him at all

- little bit 💅

- i know he met bixby in a vulnerable state and was glad to have that sort of attention but he is soooo determined to prove bixby is a good person despite FULLY knowing it isn’t true

- which is insane

- and gay

- you gotta be some kind of freak to have a portrait of someone you have no official attachments to hanging above your bed

- i know kay is supposed to be a sort of rattled and traumatized character but i don’t like the way they wrote her at all

- her entire character feels misogynistic

- even my mom doesn’t like it and that’s telling

- “bixby” being alive is so fucking funny to me

- gay people don’t die ‼️

- roddy deserved better! he was j a lil gay guy there was no need for all this hatred

- morse and jakes are so cold with each other this episode i hate it

- i know we don’t get to know anything about jakes as a person in this show but listen

- i feel like he’s intentionally really closed off and defensive and that’s why he’s especially defensive to morse

- morse is able to figure people out so easily and jakes knows that and he doesn’t like it

- he doesn’t want to be figured out

- so it makes sense that he would be particularly cold to morse (especially given that morse is presumably the only one who knows about his Blenheim Vale background)

- jakes just appearing in the shadows while morse is talking

- like what r u doing babe??

- this man killing his son after everything gets found out is so??

- and not a single person did anything about it

- jakes 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

- finding out where the coin flip thing came from is fucking sickening

- i will say that i enjoy the notion that morse falls in love really easily and that BECAUSE of that he’s a loner

- also the camera lingering on bixby’s face and morse just staring after they lead you to think he’s watching the film for kay???? that’s queer cinema

- “bixby didn’t belong in their world anymore than i do. did. i wanted to tell him that the last night i saw him. he was better than that.”

- morse convincing himself he could have saved bixby if he told them that neither of them belonged in that world

- because he thinks bixby would have gone with him

- like??

- “there’s no real magic in the world. only love. the rest is just smoke and mirrors.”

- him saying that all that was real between them was the love 🫤🫤🫤

- 10/10 for gay this episode

[detroitbecomeyandere]

Yandere!Tina Chen Headcannons!

Cannot, for the life of her, cook anything that didn’t previously come out of a frozen prepackaged container. She does try to make you a nice homemade dinner once or twice, but after her last attempt ruined two of her stovetop burners she decided it was just easier to pick up something after her shift every night

Tragically allergic to cats, however she’s still the happy owner of a retired police dog. Not only does this sweet puppy keep you company while she’s at work, but it’s also been trained for the past decade to take down perps trying to flee the scene, including when lovely little “partners” such as yourself try to shimmy out the window. A win-win for everyone

While her place may not be a complete disaster, unlike some other bachelor detective whose name rhymes with ‘weed’, she’s not exactly a homemaker either. The easiest way to butter her up the second she comes home is to have even just a couple rooms tidier than they were before. She’ll try to keep it as neat as possible since you “worked so hard” but don’t expect that to last more than two weeks

If she ever talks about work, it’s either about her coworkers or her more mundane cases of the day. She never wants to talk about any of the more exciting adventures of car chases or standoffs or hostages because she doesn’t want you to worry about her. Whether you actually care if she gets hurt on the job or not is better left unsaid

She doesn’t really like talking about problems, which includes the whole issue of you being forcefully kept locked up in her home because of some weird obsession with you. In her mind, if you don’t talk about it then it’s not a problem. You’re not a prisoner to a crooked cop with an infatuation, you’re just a quiet homebody who loves her just as much as she adores you

Any and all pleas fall on deaf ears with her because if she ignores it long enough then it’ll eventually stop, and if she re-enforces her love enough times maybe you’ll finally start believing it to be real. Sometimes you can see the flicker of hurt on her face when you scream that you despise her and strangely enough those are the times you feel the most regret for upsetting her

Is actually a very chill girlfriend, one anybody other than you would be pretty lucky to have. Sometimes you even forget you’re not in this “relationship” willingly, it’s just so easy to fall into her routine of sweatpants and movie marathon cuddles on the couch every time she has a day off

Don’t mistake her laidback nature for being a pushover, she’s got years on the force for a reason. If she can take a 6’5” man pushing 250lbs high on red ice with nothing but her strength and a measly baton, then she can most certainly bodyslam your ass into the wall before you even manage to pry the window latch up. You thought house arrest was bad, try dealing with it while being handcuffed to the bathroom radiator for the next month

Gavin likes to tease her for being pussywhipped as she no longer goes to bars with him after work as frequently as she did prior. Of course, he has no idea it’s because she has to make sure you didn’t figure out the door passcode yet or tried to hurt yourself with the kitchen knives again, but he doesn’t have to know that

Loves running her hand through your hair no matter what. In bed, on the couch, fresh out of the shower, you name it. Sometimes she tries to style it, but the best she can do is a french braid if you’re willing to sit still long enough

She doesn’t want to hurt you, she’s seen enough calls between partners who go too far when they feel the need to “discipline” the other, but there are times when it’s a necessary evil. She might be small, but she’s definitely well built and will have no problem pinning her arm across your throat until you settle down long enough for her to drag you back to your room for punishment

-Mod Barbie

[littlebabycrybtch]

i dont wanna ruin ppls fun or w/e but i just,,,,,,, anybody else honestly getting tired of seeing character coding essays. bc like. ppl will write some analysis on how a character is ‘coded’ as a minority and then their examples literally just boil down to 100% personal headcanons revolving around stereotypes, baiting, or just literally making something out of nothing. like. i am not personally gonna Celebrate that?? and im not gonna give some random privileged creator my praise for any one of those things???

idk hot take but.... imo? coding isnt. even good. its not a diversity positive thing to ‘’’code’’’ a character. frankly most of the time a character isnt even fucking coded as anything, but even when thats truly the case, its not rly. representation. its half assed, its a cop out decision. it should be like. a last resort for when you Cant represent a trait, like if ur fighting censorship or smth. otherwise................ whats the point of it dude. im rly not trying to be black or white abt it but. minority rep is not the place for requiring ‘analysis’. just represent the fucking trait. if you want people to think your character is a certain thing... blatantly make them the thing. you dont make majorities play guessing games with their rep, why should i let you play me like that. i dont want your symbolism or ‘’’’’’coding’’’’’’. to me its insulting, demeaning, and does nothing for me. and thats just talking about when coding posts end up being Reasonable, 9 times out of 10... its downright eyeroll worthy. now ofc, however you choose to relate to characters is 100% fine, and you viewing their traits as relatable to your through your own minority lens is valid analysis! but its kinda inexcusable to ignore the social harm it causes to just. literally out loud pretend that blatantly coincidental or even Malicious character choices are actually intentional, and that this vague intention would mean anything truly progressive anyways, especially when once again, most of these ‘coding’ essays are written about stereotypes and baiting. coding at this point seems to be just... a fancy word for ‘a headcanon with a little extra analysis to fantasize that this was the truth all along, yaaay everybody agree with me’.

in other words.... if you try to tell me one more time about how this quirky character is autism coded, or this male character who one time said he doesnt like sports is gay coded, i am gonna fucking scream. lmao dude. no they arent. thats not real. they arent for me. they dont represent me. they were probably written by an abled cishet who isnt thinking about me at all, so im sorry, but its just too much to ask for me to pretend with you. i refuse to lower my standards that fucking far. i will Not clap for that, i will Not fake that this means anything to me just bc you want me to. and if its actually supposed to be that way, well tbh the concept would probably offend me bc based on the points given it sounds like absolute garbage rep anyways. smh. like its fine when you see stuff that way, but thats a fuckign HEADCANON ok, stop using stereotypes and baiting as examples of ANYTHING positive or realistic, and pls just go back to writing HEADCANON analysis essays instead of implying this sort of shit is intentional and progressive, unless you have CLEAR evidence thats fucking real and makes sense!! im sorry to be harsh but it makes me wanna pull my hair out lmao. idk, have fun, but pls stop and think about how it affects other minorities (and if you’re one, remember the people in your group besides yourself) when you leap from ‘this is what i think for self related reasons’, and ‘this is what i am going to publicly claim is the truth’. theres a big difference in headcanon vs coding conversations, and the problem is its way more harmful if you fuck ‘coding’ up the way a Lot of people have been.

[sydmarch]

15

what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you? 

ok SO i’ve definitely told this story before on here it’s a long one so i’ll do my best to trim it down

like 5ish years ago i was walking to the train afetr doing some shopping and this guy around my age stops me to say something about my outfit idr. it’s mid summer so very hot & this dude is wearing teal eye makeup, platform sneakers. no shirt, and shorts made out of a hospital gown. we start talking abt fashion & stuff and he asks if i’ve ever been to this trendy thrift store that’s nearby & i say i haven’t so hes like wanna go shop? sicne i was lowkey goign through a crisis in my life at the time being a recent graduate w no job & no idea what i was doing w my lfie i was like fuck it so we went

in the thrift store we both picked out some stuff & while i was trying thigns on he was like lemme see so he came into the dressing room (i was like ok sure bcus he was extremely gay) but the employees were like hey you can’t do that. also you’re not wearing a shirt so you need to leave & i was like ugh just borrow mine (since i was wearing a shirt i had tried on) so he puts it on & they kick him out anyway so im like COOL and had to buy a shirt in my bra so they could ring it up and the cashier was this absolutely beautiful girl so i was like ok. great.

anyway i go outside & find him and im like gmme my shirt back you can wear this dress i bought so he puts it on & we wander around a bit more then randomly pick up these two other girls we meet on the street who need to go to the garment district to buy some stuff so we all get in a cab and go.

once we get there we go into this wig store and are like looking around but when they won’t sell this dude (idk why i havent said his name eyt its matteo) a wig for a discount he FLIPS OUT like throwing thigns around so we all leave. shortly after that the two girls manage to dip & im thinking yeah i should try and dip too this dude’s unhinged... but there wasn’t really an opportunity to leave bcus it was just us & i didnt want him to turn on me

so he suggests let’s go to (other thrift store that’s like 5 blocks from where we were at that point) and im thinking perfect i’ll get him to go in a fitting room then run for my life. on the ay there he’s like saying crazy shit to random people, steals someones cigarette that they were smoking, steals water bottles, etc. at one point he goes to cross the street when we didn’t have the right of way nd this taxi starts honking at him so he tosses his purse to me and JUMPS ONTO THE HOOD of the taxi and is like you wanna go so bad bitch go and the cab driver takes off. with him on the hood.

since im holding his purse im like fuck i guess i have to follow this cab and give it back??? so im chasing this taxi like oh my god. and these andom teens are like yo omg is that your friend he’s awesome! im like what’s happening. he gets down off the taxi and is all huffy and im like oh my gooood ok just get to the store.....

but on our way he starts talking to some lady outside an office building and follows her inside i’m just standing near the revolving doors watching as he tried to egt in the elevator w her and shes like i need to go teach a class you cant come wtf... and hes tugging on her umbrella and she’s yelling “stop this was a gift from my dead mother” and security escorts him out and looking back i couldve ran then but i was too invested. what could possibly be next.

we start walking towards the thrift store & when walking apst this outdoor seating area he steals a glass off someones table so a waiter comes over & like throws him onto the ground and they fight a bit and matteo is like i want the police. im like you absolutely do not youre going to get arrested. of course there’s a cop just like hanging around on a nearby corner so he goes over to him and is telling him abt the waiter and the cop is like ill call a patrol car over go wit by the restaurant.

the restaurant is right by the office building umbrella lady was in so of course as we’re walking back in tatdirection she’s elaving the building and sees us and runs over to matteo freaking out, the waiter omes over and starts yelling too, and then i swear to god a car pulls up and its the CAB HE JUMPED ON and the driver gets out and starts yelling at him. finally the cops show up and everyone’s yelling and matteo is going on this rant like you’re all evil!!! and they cuff him and the cab driver’s like how can you be friends w someone like that im like im not he’s like i saw you with 4him im like we just met!!! im in over my head!!!

the cops were asking me a few questions like did you see him take anything im like no. heyre like you can tell us you won’t get in trouble im like FOR REAL NO lmao like he could’ve been on something but i didnt see him do anything. anyway can i get my dress back. theyre like didnt you say you mt him today im like yeah. theyre like why is he wearing your dress im like i loaned it to him at the thrift store can i get it back. they took my number down but never called me about the dress it was only $5 but still

[turtle-steverogers]

Not Guilty- 2

murder mystery’s back! im having too much fun with this story guys

Link to chap 1 in case you need it

warnings: albert being a human disaster, abuse of the word ‘milk’

ship: ralbert, platonic spalbert

word count: 1680

editing: lmaoooo no

Chap 2

When Albert gets to the precinct the next morning, he’s wary to find a wrapped parcel on his desk that looks suspiciously like a sandwich.  He pokes at it, frowning when he sees a singular smiley face drawn on the underside in black sharpie.

 “Hey, uh, Spot?” He calls, looking up when he hears his partner’s chair roll out from his desk and subsequently poke his head around the low wooden wall that separates their cubicles.

“Yes, honeycakes?” Spot’s expression is the face of innocence and Albert’s stomach churns.

“Did you-” He stumbles, gesturing to the presumed sandwich, “Is this for me?”

“It’s on your desk, isn’t it?” Spot smiles, rolling back into his cubicle.

Albert sighs, taking off his messenger bag and jacket and sitting heavily in his desk chair.  He cautiously unwraps the white paper to find a loaded meatball sub sitting in the middle of a napkin.  There’s a sticky note placed delicately on the fluffy white bread and Albert plucks it up, squinting at the words:

Sorry you didn’t finish your sandwich xoxo Spottie

He laughs probably too loud and sticks the sticky note on his desktop, right next to the note from Jack that reads: ‘I’m sorry for stealing your pants, I had brains on mine’ after Jack had taken his extra pair of slacks from his locker when his got spoiled at a crime scene.

He takes a bite of the sandwich, pleased to find that he can still stomach his favorite Gianno’s special after yesterday’s events.  As he chews, careful not to get any tomato sauce on his shirt, he plucks a sticky note from his own pad and scrawls out: Thanks, Pop Spotcket.  Love u, dear xoxo and tosses it over to Spot.

A moment later, Spot snorts indignantly, “‘Pop Spotcket’? Really? Does anyone actually use those anymore?  The only person I know who has one is my niece and she’s eleven.”

Albert rolls his chair so he’s in Spot’s cubicle, sandwich still in hand, “I have one, asshole.  They’re useful.  Anyway, thanks for the sandwich.  How’s it looking at Gianno’s?”

Spot sighs wearily, placing a stack of papers down and turning from his computer to look at Albert, “Eh.  They’re closed today.  I stopped by this morning to pick up some evidence left at the crime scene and one of the waiters asked if I wanted anything and I remembered that you didn’t get to finish your lunch yesterday so…”

“Thanks, man,” Albert says, mouth full.  Spot wrinkles his nose and tells him not to speak with food in his mouth.  Albert rolls his eyes, “Anyway, evidence?  What’s new?”

“Nothing really,” Spot says, “Just Wiesel’s receipt from his last meal.  Wasn’t really much on it, but it gave us a sure timestamp that lines up with our original record, so at least that’s set.”

“Good,” Albert shoves the last bit of sandwich into his mouth, licking his fingers.

“Yeah.  Saw our boy there, though.”

Albert raises his eyebrows, “Higgins?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s he?”

Spot shrugs, “Didn’t talk to him.  Kid looked like shit.  Well, more shitty than yesterday if that’s somehow possible.  Kept sending cute little glares my way, fucking ray of sunshine, that one.”

“Christ,” Albert grimaces, “I’m convinced he’s a player in this debacle somehow.  I mean, he seemed genuinely surprised when he found out the vic was Wiesel, but too many strings lead to connections on his end.”

“Yeah,” Spot agrees, “I dunno, I say we dig a little into Wiesel’s other relations as well.  I feel like there’s a gap here somewhere.”

“Toxicology came back,” Albert says after a pause.

Spot looks at him, eyebrows raised, “And?”

“Sarin poison in the blood.  Stab wounds were post-mortem.  Someone wanted this shit to look messier than it is.”

“Interesting.  I wonder who’d go through the trouble of poisoning, then following up with a physical attack.  ‘Specially in a public place.  S’kinda risky.”

“That’s what I was thinking, but whoever it was, clearly knew what they were doing.”

“Clearly…”

XXX

Albert never understood why there was such a wide variety of milks in the world.  And why, in this moment, he can’t find any simple fucking 2%.  

He scans over the selection again, bypassing the almond and oat milks and skimming over the fritzy lactose free shit.  There’s strawberry milk and chocolate milk on display and even horrifyingly enough, mint milk, but no fucking 2%.  It’s not even like this fucking bodega is big enough to warrant having so many milks. 

He just wants some damn normal person milk!

“Excuse me, detective.” 

Albert doesn’t startle.  He doesn’t.  He’s a trained law enforcement officer and detective.  People like him don’t fucking startle.  But, he is on high, professional alert when he turns around to see Antonio Fucking Higgins standing behind him, eyebrows raised in what’s probably amusement and hands shoved in his pockets.

Albert makes a strangled noise, eyes working on their own accord as they trail down Higgins’ body.  He’s sweaty, looking like he just came from some sort of workout, and a pair of tight adidas running pants hug his legs in all the right places.  He’s in a tank top today, somehow doing his arms more justice than the grey shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.  A hat sits backwards on his head, doing little to tame the curls that are trying to sneak out of the stupid hole where the strap meets the fabric.  He looks hot and it’s unfair and Albert’s never been ashamed of his sexuality, but right now he’s wishing that he could reign in his gay ass a little bit because aside from the fact that Higgins is a bit of a prick, he’s also a suspect and that’s, like, number one in the Book of Nope for cops of any kind.

Higgins is still looking at him, but now there’s a small crease of concern between his eyebrows, “You alright, man?” He asks, “You look kinda like you’re having a heart attack.  Do you have any chest pain?  Your left arm feel numb at all?”

Albert shakes himself, morphing his expression into something he hopes looks less like Gay Panic, “Yeah, sorry, I-” He splutters a bit, then shuts his mouth with a click.  

Higgins scoffs, “I just need milk, man, you mind?”

Albert starts, hastily stepping out from where he was definitely blocking the milk selection and watching as Race grabs a carton of-- fucking 2%.  How did he find it so fast?�� How did Albert not see it?  He’s supposed to be the one trained to look for details others don’t see!

Trying not to flush, Albert reaches out and grabs a carton as well and Higgins looks at him again, laughing, “You were standing here for a long time, dude, I thought you were gonna murder the milk for a second.”

“Couldn’t find the 2%.” Albert mumbles, blushing harder when Higgins laughs louder.

“Real good reconnaissance there, detective.”

When Higgins is laughing, his face changes into something a whole lot more pleasant.  Not that it was ever unpleasant (the dude’s got a jawline of a god), but some of the hardness in his eyes and shadows on his face go away and for just a second, he looks like the 25 year old he’s supposed to be.  It’s nice, Albert thinks, ignoring the way alarm bells are going off in his head.

“Shut up, Higgins, I’m tired.  Some of us have to read about murders all day, so excuse me if my milk finding skills aren’t the most refined.”

Higgins’ face softens and the smile in his eyes turns into something else that Albert doesn’t want to dissect, “Race.”

“What?”

“Higgins is my dad, not me.  And I don’t like the name Antonio very much, so if we’re gonna be talking more, be it over murder or milk, call me Race.”

“Race?”

Higgins--Race--winks, “That’s a story for level five amici.”

“Oh, okay.”

They pause for a moment and even though Albert’s not drunk, his inhibitions seem to flutter away from him against his will as he blurts out, “Drinks sometime? Would- uh- would you wanna get drinks sometime?”

And fuck-fuck- SHIT- what are you doing Dasilva? What the fuck?

Race considers him for a moment, “Not that I wouldn’t hit that,” he nods to Albert’s body and Albert flushes.  Damnit with the flushing!  He’s 26, not some flouncy high schooler, “But I don’t think that’s a good idea, detective.”

Albert nods, “No, yeah, honestly I don’t know why I asked- uh-”

“Relax, don’t have an aneurysm, it’s okay.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“No no, you’re right.  Absolutely.”

There’s another pause, then Race smiles apologetically, “I gotta go get the rest of my groceries.  Take care.”

Albert cringes internally at how fucking painfully awkward this exchange has been, “You too,” he says, watching Race retreat to the wine aisle.  He takes another moment to gather himself, then goes to the checkout line.

XXX

Albert turns up the volume on his TV, pleased with the quiet solitude of his apartment for the night.  He doesn’t love living alone, but it’s been a long couple days and he’s been looking forward to a night to himself since he’d woken up that morning.  Just him, some thai, and the Animal Planet playing reruns of ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ all night.  Fucking self care.

He’s just yelling at some dog owner on the TV for feeding his pug 24 eggs a day and watching as Victoria Stilwell chews out the greasy fucker when his phone rings on the coffee table in front of him. 

Groaning, Albert mutes the show and chugs down a few sips of beer, before picking up the phone and answering with an annoyed, “Someone better be dying.”

There’s silence on the other end and Albert pulls the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID.  It’s Spot.  Shit, someone might actually be dying.”

“Spot?  Everything okay?”

Spot sounds sheepish when he says, “Well no one’s dying, technically…”

“But…”

“There was another murder.”

“Shit.”

-

Race went straight home after the bodega, right? RIGHT!??!? stay tuned ;)

thanks saph for ‘pop spotcket’

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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@bennie-badeend 

@auspicioustarantula 

@faithmil 

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@bxnesof92

@backgroundensemble

@sure-as-a-star

@skybert-daherty 

@eveningpaper

@malex-13

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

@heart-a-n-o-n

@bitching-newsboys

@orollyitsracetrackhiggins

@joshuaburrageenthusiast

@random-superhero-stuff

@awkwardstranger98

@falling-out-trees-101

@modern-race-owns-airpods

@asphodelnerd

@i-dont-do-sadness

@rockyroad236

@sirgrahamcracker

@godhatesjordan

@thats-our-que-boys

@bastille-smedry

@nerdsies

@toss-me-a-pape

@wolfbutterfly42

@revolutioninthesewers

@spot-the-brooklyn-pirate

@aintnosleevesinbrooklyn

@1-800-santa-fe

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 3 (Cont.)

“aight fellas im here for the fortnite session where we droppin boys”

Hibiki shows up, ready to participate in this four player game of sociological tension.

“hope hibiki’s doing okay. im worried about her. ryoko, stop resting your arm on my head.”

“ryoko does as ryoko pleases baby”

Vibrates angstily.

“im missing my wife for this guys please lets just do this”

“wish i had a wife too instead of this vase filled with fucking ashes” SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORP

The squad analyzes the statistics of all Noise outbreaks over the last month to see if there’s a pattern somewhere. Somehow, Hibiki is regarded as an authority on this, despite being just a normal girl.

This is not the face of someone who has a degree in Noisology, let alone even listened to a Noisia album.

“looking photogenic while this girl describes how these horrible, lovecraftian entities butcher entire populations will look great on my acting resume”

Strained sounds of holding back laughter at this absolute clownery.

*coughs quietly*

Exposition goes on about the UN acknowledging the existence of Noise, but them existing for far longer, existing in myths as demons and monsters of long ago. This makes little sense, but fuck it, just roll with it. They also say the Noise is rare, but this being Symphogear, the Noise will be here forever, until the end of time.

“its like the noise are a metaphor........................”

Hibiki, looking dead inside as the average overnight studying student would, muses whether someone is behind the noise. She also asks if you can hear the sound of one hand clapping.

Tsubasa makes a very relevant observation that the school is smack dab at the center of all these outbreaks. In retrospect, you probably should have asked her first. She points out it may be because someone wants their get their hands on the almost complete relic hidden away in the 2nd Division: Durandal. Why anyone wants an old ass french sword is beyond me.

“yeah i can do exposition too, fuck you”

Finished relics are extremely rare and as a result extremely powerful. Incomplete ones are pretty powerful, but need to be rebuilt a bit.

“i discovered all this, conveniently, as the only person left to do so! totally not suspicious at all.”

“anime plot hurting brain. bullshit levels make think no good.”

“wish i got hired for a macross anime instead, they get to go to space”

“being meguca is suf- wait, im confusing my roles”

The exposition goes on to note that America wants the relic. This is one of the few shows that depicts America in a very serious and antagonistic light. America never cooperates in any useful way except once.

“it should would suck if someone was sending us them noise monster all on purpose-like”

“yeah............! suuuuuure would suck.... mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm...”

Tsubasa and Ogawa quietly plan idol ruminations. This animation used to be far, far worse.

This is the moment where Tsubasa becomes sword-kin. From here on out, she will always refer to herself as a sword. This is law. Literally every single season has this same deal. She believes she is a sword. I know it’s not literal, but I like pretending it is.

Succ Intensifies

“gonna get her number later after the season is over, damn”

Hibiki muses on the nature of war.

“why we gotta fight”

“cause yall suck”

Ryoko then says some very not nice things that we’re just going to walk right around because Ryoko is a little bit of a weirdo and should probably keep her flirting to the short haired lady working on the bridge.

“i will call the cops, lady”

Hibiki starts her next day at school as she spots Tsubasa during her choir class.

“forget my nintendo switch with the latest smash bros game in the classroom goddamnit”

“hibiki please tone down the gay for five seconds while we try to get through this dumb singing class in one piece”

“i smell a homewrecker”

“THE GAY CAN NEVER BE TONED DOWN, IT CAN ONLY BE TONED”

Hibiki is then fed by multiple classmates for this statement.

The Anime Janai crew is fond of Hibiki, much like a group of Lords being fond of the royal court jester. Hibiki clowns it up by working on a report she procrastinated until the very last minute. “Your life sure is an anime!”, one of them says. Hibiki then says, “I wish!”. They smile in unison at the irony.

Look at how they mock the threads of reality. Absolute monsters.

Hibiki nails the report at the skin of her teeth, Miku’s gonna get ready for the meteor shower, everyone’s real fucking happy, the evening looks peaceful, all is well.

“i cant wait to do all these fun things we promised several times over!”

Unfortunately, the worst case scenario happens.

Her tiddies start ringing.

“no.... fuck.... my tiddies... they’re ringing...”

She knows now she cannot go.

In retrospect, she probably could’ve blown them off. I mean, what are they gonna do? Fire her? She’s practically irreplaceable. Alas, her conscience is too strong. The ringing from her tiddies too loud to ignore.

“okay im back for the thing you promised we’d do repeatedly that we planned for a good amount of weeks now”

“...”

“i got fucking ghosted didnt i”

“cannot fucking believe i got ditched on my hot date with hibiki. bet its because her tiddies rang, isnt it. always her and her... GODDAMN tiddies ringing ALL THE TIME. LET ME BE WITH HER... god...”

“bae. im sorry. the tiddies rang. i have no choice.”

Miku tries to keep it together. Neither of them are happy about this state of affairs, and rightfully so, because it’s fucking stupid. Hell, it would have made more sense of Miku knew but still got jealous anyway, because she feels her job is establishing too much distance! And they talk those problems out instead of issues that only arise if everyone’s a goddamn moron about communication!

“but thats the point of the pl-”

NO! IT’S NOT CLEVER! IT’S FRUSTRATING! THERE ARE CLEVER WAYS TO SHOW A LACK OF COMMUNICATION BESIDES A CHAIN OF OBSTACLES TOO STUPID TO EXIST!

Miku takes the whole thing with grace even though I’m absolutely certain she threw her phone at the wall in raw, gay frustration.

Hibiki, understandably, is pretty fucking pissed.

“im gay. im angry, and im gonna fuck yall up for RUINING MY DATE AFTER HAVING FINISHED MY DAMN REPORT”

Hibiki fights the Noise. She’s gotten slightly better at fighting, but for now she’s still sorta trash at it. A grape themed Noise throws bombs and crushed her under rocks from a ceiling.

You’re a student. You’re the lone survivor of a concert that you got flak about for years. You go to an institution for singing with your best friend and basically get shoved into a life of crime fighting unwittingly. Your only teammate hates you and tried to kill you. You don’t get to hang out with your best friend anymore. Your teachers hate you. And you’re losing against the abominations that may have potentially warped your life negatively, forever.

This is probably the pivotal moment where Hibiki fucking snaps and decides she ain’t taking shit anymore. She’s not at her strongest yet, but mentally? She has decided to tell the world to go fuck itself.

“MY WIFE THINKS IM CHEAAAAAATING, MY TEAMMATE THINKS I SUUUUUUUUUCK, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT”

My, Hibiki, what big fangs you have. All the more to grit your teeth and beat the shit out of things with, I assure you.

Needless to say, even without having the skill, she’s starting to understand and get more comfortable with the full extent of the power her suit provides her.

She’s gotten so mad that even the illustrators are afraid of her.

To note: this isn’t just anime drama silhouette stylization. She is actually physically turning into a red eyed shadow. You’ll know why later down the road.

“YOU WANNA FUCKIN FIGHT ME NOW TSUBASA? HUH? HUH? YOU WANNA FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME?!”

Needless to say, her rampage goes on for a while.

She manages to dispatch all the Noise except for the Grape themed one. Up in the hole it made, she sees the meteor fall from the sky...

Wait, look closer. Is it a bird?

A plane?!

No, it’s...!

“i aint gonna tell her i just did a wish on her”

Sword!

“why the fuck does SHE get jetpacks?!”

Hibiki randomly yells out she wants to protect things too, for absolutely no real reason. Who would even break the ice with that. Hibiki, please.

They sorta stare each other down in a field awkwardly, like a bad high school reunion. But, a mysterious voice breaks out of literally fucking nowhere.

“didnt know they legalized gay marriage in japan already, otherwise id be showing up to this joke of a marriage sooner, you absolute buffoons”

“did this bitch just insinuate id waste my time getting married to this complete idiot, let alone even contemplate getting married in a public park as opposed to having a customized karaoke based marriage in the FUCKING HILTON?!”

“hey time out dont say that shit im already married and my wife already feels enough like im cheating so please keep those comments to yourself okay please”

“eat my ass, nerds. id tell you to come to the park in 15 minutes for an ass kicking...

but we’re already here, now aren’t we?”

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

(1/2) OK SO BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING AT YOUR OLDER STUFF HERE WE GO! so first of all even when i was reading your first fics there was no noticable difference between them and your most recent ones. im sure your writing has improved but it was never bad in the first place. the old fics were just as enjoyable to read. second of all as much as i love laoft the canonverse has a soecial place in my heart and all the fics youve done in that verse just make me smile so great job -🐍💜

(2/3 crap) i love all the ideas youve come up with for both canon verse and the other aus youve done. your cop/mob au? absolutely fantastic. i liked the characterization, the dynamics, a solid au in general. the greek myths au? i definitely cried. beautiful writing as always, soft sides, ive never seen the euricyce myth in a fic before and i LOVED it. blanketverse? one of the first things i read by you and part of what got me shipping logicality. so soft. angst on both sides. terrific. -🐍💜

(3/4 sorryyy) all your oneshots outside of a specific verse are just as good. like that other ask said, silence is fantastic. in general i love the idea of logan shutting up when virgil gets too strong. i loved lovan's awkward attempts to explain things. the things he wanted to say but couldnt had me screaming omg-. miscommunication was just funny and adorable. i loved it. faded with uncertainty was so angsty i loved it! why do asks have a limit ugh -🐍💜(4/4) laSTLY, your fics seem worse to you because youve read them over and over and you know them and your writing and thoughts better than anyone. theyll always seem worse to you because you have an idea and the fic cant match that perfectly. thats ok! reading your fics is a chance for us to experience what you've created. none of us want to judge you. no one comes in wanting to dislike a fic. youll always get our benefit of the doubt and you deserve it -🐍💜

It took me a HOT MINUTE to stop flapping long enough to respond to this oh my goodness this is? so nice??? and youre so nice!!! 

also im HIGHKEY stoked i could encourage more logicality shipping because i’m a sucker for PTA gays in all contexts ever

and also asks have a limit because if i got this all at once im pretty sure i would have LITERALLY burst into flame from the force of my blushing and as it stands i still might

[shutterbughen]

i only shitpost my personal life on this social media so here’s tag thing

200: My crush's name is: Absolutely nobody lol

199: I was born in: 1999

198: I am really: Impulsive

197: My cellphone company is: Metro

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: I’m Bigfoot so 9, sometimes 9 1/2

194: My ring size is: I have no idea

193: My height is: 5'9

192: I am allergic to: bees?

191: My 1st car was: Chrysler seibring

190: My 1st job was: Technically Hardee’s but MJR

189: Last book you read: I can't remember

188: My bed is: Where I take tf out of my depression naps

187: My pet: N/A

185: My favorite shampoo is: OGX

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: Probably fun to break

182: In my pockets: No pants ;)

181: On my calendar: If I had one it would just be work

180: Marriage is: Unlikely

179: Spongebob can: Keep making memes

178: My mom: Better when we’re apart

177: The last three songs I bought were? The last three I DOWNLOADED were Revenge by XXXTentacion, 6 Inch by Beyoncé & The Weeknd, and Self Care by Mac Miller

176: Last YouTube video watched? Joji - rain on me

175: How many cousins do you have? Too many

174: Do you have any siblings? 7

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah but barely

171: Do you play an instrument? I can somewhat play the piano but it’s been a while

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept in kind of late, watched Netflix. Depression days lol

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: I want to

168: Luck: That’d be nice

167: Fate: In a way

166: Yourself: Sometimes

165: Aliens: Absolutely

164: Heaven: Um

163: Hell: Who knows

162: God: I used to

161: Horoscopes: Not really

160: Soul mates: Yeah

159: Ghosts: Yes

158: Gay Marriage: Duhh

157: War: I guess it depends, generally no

156: Orbs: Anythings possible

155: magic: Nah

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Both

153: Drunk or High: Lol

152: Phone or Online: Phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: Doesn’t matter

150: Blondes or Brunettes: ^

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Summer

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Id like to say night but I’m usually more prone to depression and missing my ex at night, so probably day

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Neither

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Whiteee

140: Mac or PC: Mac

139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops be easier

138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor: Whichever option leads to me not being screwed over, but I’m not picky

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: I don’t know

134: Singing or Dancing: Singing terribly while driving home from work at 3am

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: See above

131: Small town or Big city: I like the vibe of both but I’ve always wanted to live in a big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure but I desperately need a manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: East, although West Coast would be cool too

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: No opinion

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags: I’ve only ever been to Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox I guess

[ Here's What I Think About ]

122: War: No strong opinion

121: George Bush: 9/11

120: Gay Marriage: Well I’m bi so clearly against lol

119: The presidential election: Trump sux

118: Abortion: My body my choice

117: MySpace: That’s how my dad met my step mom

116: Reality TV: Stupid but fun to watch

115: Parents: They screwed me up

114: Back stabbers: See ya

113: Ebay: I used to buy my cosplays on there

112: Sex: Not sure where I stand with that for myself

111: Work: Used to be a chore, but it’s better now. I like working

110: My Neighbors: Loterally no opinion at all

109: Gas Prices: RIP wallet

108: Designer Clothes: Would be cool if I could afford them lol

107: College: Expensive

106: Sports: Not a sports gal

105: My family: My sister is great

104: The future: Horrifying

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: Sort of recently but I don’t remember who

102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: It’s been a while

100: Cried in front of someone: I’m sure I have recently but not sure when

99: Went to a movie theater: Almost everyday

98: Took a vacation: I went to Chicago randomly a couple weeks ago

97: Swam in a pool: Now that I think about it it for a while

96: Changed a diaper: Never

95: Got my nails done: Too long ago

94: Went to a wedding: A couple of years ago

93: Broke a bone: I broke my toe last year

92: Got a peircing: Ears was the first and last

91: Broke the law: Ughhh is a cop asking me this lol

90: Texted: My sister was the last person I texted

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left, I miss my sister but that’s it

87: The last movie I saw: In theaters? Probably Endgame

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Nothing specific but in general getting my shit together

85: The thing im not looking forward to: All the work that comes with getting my shit together

84: People call me: Dani

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Staying vegan

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No

81: My zodiac sign is: Scorpio

80: The first person i talked to today was: My coworker

79: First time you had a crush: on 2nd or 3rd grade to a boy named Tyler

78: The one person who i can't hide things from: Sometimes I feel like the only person I can ever be completely honest with is myself

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Me and my sister both said the exact same thing today

76: Right now I am talking to: Nobody

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully have everything under control, travel, be content on being with myself alone rather than relying on other people to make me happy

74: I have/will get a job: I’m a manager at MJR right now, not sure where I’m going from here

73: Tomorrow: I’m waking up early to go jogging then hopefully getting out and doing something later

72: Today: Go to sleep

71: Next Summer: Nothing planned

70: Next Weekend: Most likely work

69: I have these pets: None

68: The worst sound in the world: Nails scratching paper, also the worst feeling

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

66: People that make you happy: Friends & Sister

65: Last time I cried: It’s been a second, at least a week ago

64: My friends are: Fun

63: My computer is: Broken

62: My School: Hard to bring myself to go to

61: My Car: dirty right now

60: I lose all respect for people who: Constantly change their story and go back on their word

59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame

58: Your hair color is: Brown & blonde

57: TV shows you watch: The Office, Lucifer, Shameless

56: Favorite web site: YouTube I guess

55: Your dream vacation: Bora Bora

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Breakups. Physically probably period cramps

53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat meat anymore, but medium rare when I did

52: My room is: Pretty cluttered

51: My favorite celebrity is: Brendon Urie

50: Where would you like to be: On vacation

49: Do you want children: Nope

48: Ever been in love: Once

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Feeling motivated

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: I’m comfortable being alone right now

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I barely have my week planned

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No

41: Have you pre-named your children: Maybe my future PETS lol

40: Last person I got mad at: Not mad, just annoyed

39: I would like to move to: Seattle

38: I wish I was a professional: Idk

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Used to be Almond Joys

36: Vehicle: Tesla

35: President: Idk

34: State visited: Illinois (mostly for Chicago)

33: Cellphone provider: TMobile

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: Chris Evans I guess

30: Actress: None

29: Singer: The Weeknd or Joji

28: Band: The Neighborhood

27: Clothing store: ZAFUL

26: Grocery store: Kroger

25: TV show: The Office or Hannibal

24: Movie: Captain America Winter Soldier

23: Website: YouTube

22: Animal: Sloth

21: Theme park: I’ve only been to Seaworld and Disney, so Disney I suppose

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: Maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing a baseball game but not on TV

18: Sport to play: None

17: Magazine: No

16: Book: Idk

15: Day of the week: Friday

14: Beach: Never been to one so frequently that I have a favorite

13: Concert attended: Joji

12: Thing to cook: Stir fry

11: Food: Also stir fry

10: Restaurant: Townhouse

9: Radio station: 95.5

8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla

7: Perfume: Don’t have a specific favorite

6: Flower: Sunflower

5: Color: Yellow

4: Talk show host: Idk

3: Comedian: None

2: Dog breed: German Shepherd

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah