#about whatever various things i like
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QRE YOU WATCHING COVENANT sorry i just watched it a week ago and it's genuinely the funniest movie ive ever seen. and of course like everything im thinking who's who qsmp-wise but. anyway just saw ur post about davidcest and i forgot it happened it took me totally off guard
okay you know what's funny is my comment about david on walter action wasn't even about the kiss i hadn't gotten there yet it was just about them talking in the most insane homoerotic way possible and i was like okay this is a wild direction to go
i honestly cannot fathom trying to map qsmp characters onto this i don't think it works at all but power to you on that my only input is that whatever is cucurucho is dead dead very dead by the end
it is a really funny movie i think michael fassbender is kind of insane and the entire movie is wild bc like i said it's way more space disaster than sci-fi horror and feels very out of left field in terms of themes (the whole creation thing, the questions of faith vs. science vs. faith in science etc. etc.) but i also think the same was the case with prometheus-- scott was going for something very different with these, which he talked about a lot, making them more centered on the issue of the androids and their place in humanity in this universe and the philosophical implications of them and with the act of creating life generally. and in fairness that latter thing is literally a huge part of the entire series that's why every movie is obsessed with the alien reproductive cycle and how it mirrors the human one, the ship is called mother (or father, in resurrection, but i wont get into all my issues with that movie here), there are like. crazy amounts of pregnant people even aside from xenomorph embryos, the whole design of the aliens coming from h. r. giger, whose whole thing was the eroticism of bodies and machines and combinations of the two. like it makes sense to do a spin-off/prequel series where you talk about the nature of life and tampering with life and where androids lie within that but it is a crazy set of movies and tonally very different to the original especially, even with the stuff with ash.
i know scott didn't direct romulus and that it involves the xenomorphs way more again so i'm interested to see how it ties in with the rest of the series i'm hoping to see it this week and will report back posthaste
#asks#quackitytheduck#also no idea where to put this but the fact that in covenant the aliens are born in cauls is WILDLY interesting to me#its just a fascinating detail i assume it has to do with these being progenitors to the later aliens and being 'more organic'#but yeah on the mapping it onto qs.mp thing i just dont really do that its part of my disliking aus thing#i like the alien series on its own and i like qs.mp on its own i dont really need to combine them and thats how i feel generally atp#about whatever various things i like#but if you want to thats great go for it#alien talk
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Jamie and Roy spending ridiculous amounts of time together and Phoebe knowing about it definitely means that Jamie’s around Phoebe a lot more in the off-season when she’s off school and Roy’s off work but still being Jamie’s personal trainer for free (and she definitely likes bossing Jamie around just as much as Roy does and finds the ridiculous shit Roy makes him do hilarious)
And you know that thing where kids love to randomly go watch this, I can do a somersault or want to see me do a cartwheel? and then you just have to awkwardly stand there and be like wow whether they actually can do them or not (and sometimes several times in a row have to try to think of something new to say the fifth time they do the exact same thing and then look to you for a reaction)
I’m just saying at some point they’re in some park and Phoebe definitely pulls a look how good I’m getting at cart wheels, Uncle Roy! around Jamie at some point and while Roy just stands there like 🧍♂️ and gives compliments that gradually get more and more deadpan and debates turning it into saying how much more impressive that is than anything Jamie’s done all morning but he doesn’t because he’s 90% sure that would just lead to Jamie getting all indignant and competitive and proving he can cartwheel too as if Roy isn’t already annoyingly aware of that from when he was dying trying to keep up with Jamie in Amsterdam while he was cartwheeling and practically skipping
But obviously Roy not saying anything doesn’t matter anyway and Jamie turns it into being like watch this to Phoebe and cartwheeling too and turning to Roy after like well go on, tell me how good I am at that too
Roy deadpans somehow it’s far less impressive watching a grown man cartwheel for attention. It’s just sad, really
But Jamie isn’t offended at all and just shoots Roy an obnoxious smirk and insists you’re just saying that because you know you couldn’t do one. Even trying would probably end with you needing a hip replacement or something
But before Roy can even properly argue or say something bitchy back, Jamie’s turning back to Phoebe with a how about this then? But even though it’s her he asks, it’s Roy he looks to the moment he finishes running a few steps and doing a one-handed cartwheel
And Jamie’s like well now are you impressed??? And god, Roy resents that he is and he could make a dig about how useless of a skill it was as an adult and how that wouldn’t accomplish anything on the pitch and he’d just look like one of the kids that picks flowers on the pitch instead of playing or even paying attention to where the ball is, but instead he rolls his eyes and says yeah okay
And Jamie beams but he doesn’t have time to properly gloat and give Roy shit because Phoebe’s already bossing him around telling him that he has to teach her how to do that too
#I’ve been debating putting this in one of my fics for months and still may#Meanwhile if Keeley saw Jamie cartwheel for attention and praise she’d be like I never know what to do when a grown man does a cartwheel in#front of me…#Keeley would be underwhelmed watching Jamie do a cartwheel but also 100% would attempt one and join in if Phoebe asked her to#Phoebe definitely got into football because of Roy#But I could also see her getting into gymnastics too because of Jamie indulging her and being just as eager to do the same little kid tricks#And then she sees someone else on the team do a flip showing off and them all arguing over whether they could do a flip too if they tried#And attempting with various results and she’s like well I want to be able to do a flip too and talks her mom#into signing her up for gymnastics and then talks Jamie’s ear off about her gymnastics class and the little kid tea from it because he’s#sure to match her energy and buy into it like he always does#Roy Kent#Jamie Tartt#Phoebe O’Sullivan#Ted Lasso#RoyJamie#Mine#I don’t have the energy or brainpower to reread this as usual so enjoy the typos and whatever autocorrect changes things too 😂
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I love goofy jason
there needs to be more jason talkin like a gen z and having a board w red string for his plans and photoshopping joker into various death scenarios. i need jason to have a batman plushie he tortures to cope w his rage. tim breaks into his house and opens the closet door just to discover like 100 pictures of robin with indechiperable rambles on them and random stickers everywhere.
he should have a poster of black mask with a badly drawn on moustache and top hat on his wall. do you get me??
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#like okay the angst and the sad is all well and good i love it#but there's not enough crack to balance it out#sorry im just reading#Jason Todd's guide to finding out if your dad's been replaced by profoundalpacakitten#rn and i feel like this is the missing piece from my Jason Todd experience#''Jason’s putting the final touches to his 5D chess mind game thing designed to give Bruce his comeuppance''#amazing. tell me more#im especially attached to the batman plushie idea#when he's in a bad mood but cant (for various reasons) get more explosive about it (literally) he copes by torturing a basicass batman plus#uses ketchup to make it look like its bleeding. drowns it in the sink. hangs it with a blanket from a cabinet door.#pulls a gun on it. do you get me#i think my babygirl should get to be insane in way more funny ways than just blowing people up and whatever
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seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.
the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.
#gav gab#sex ment#there's a running thread in the L2L cinematic universe shower sex fic#about consent and checking in and like. being cautious and careful and Aware of the other party#and whether they want to be doing what they're doing#and it is there for a reason and it is extremely meaningful to the context of what's happening#and if i see one more post mocking the entire concept of addressing consent in a fic#i am gonna heap my lid#i really do think 'consent posturing' is one of the most enraging phrases i've ever seen online tbh#and there's some stiff competition#like. wrow. lot going on THERE.#i just hate that i'm so anxious about this part of this fic#i mean im anxious about the whole thing for various reasons but#seeing those posts some of which have been reblogged by people whose opinions i do respect#has made me really embarrassed and worried about honestly one of the most Meaningful parts of this fic#and i feel like i need to pre-emptively go on the defensive or else people will think it's Bad and Stupid and He Would Not Fucking Say That#etc etc etc#like i have to pre-emptively defend myself against accusations of bad writing#and i know the answer is just to care less about Posts On Line but i would like to cordially suggest perhaps the answer is also#stop being an asshole about a preference and asserting it like it is not in fact a preference#but is instead you speaking some kind of Good Take onto the stupid brain rotted puriteen masses or whatever#i am doing better about not letting the ocd win and caring less about Posts#whatever it may appear lmao i Am doing better with that#but that doesn't mean those posts arent still mean and shitty#and generalizing a lot of weird shit into things like#'establishing consent in a sex scene' which apparently is Inherently Boring And Annoying
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oh no
#not a poll#thinking about my program again... what if i hypothetically rewrote large sections of it to hypothetically allow a particular matchup#with an arbitrary amount of competitors. and i added a propaganda “”“shader”“” system that applies simple changes to propaganda#(like uwufying it or stealing it or making it all blue or whatever)#and i implemented logic for ties that did various things based on what setting you have chosen.#and what if i made the editing competitor data in the program section actually good this time?#and what if i added support for rich text (or really any sort of content block) in propaganda?#and forget rewriting sections of code to handle arbitrary numbers of competitors per matchup.#what if i made the program stop making you have 2 per competition and have 3 or 4 (and deal with byes effectively in that case too)?#what if i finally got around to adding support for double elimination tournaments? what if i added support for round robin?#and WHAT IF i finally got aroundto making round 0 render the byed competitors in their round 1 places this time?
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yknow i understand that the memes are Not That Deep and it is fun to make jokes and relating w/others about like "oh no i started another wip when i have 90000 other wips im neglecting!!! i had another idea when i should be working on the projects i already have!!!" and i get that it is a good habit to like, finish what you start and the want to see things through and such. like shore i relate 2 these too. but ☝️! i must ask. is it really so bad to have many ideas. is it really so bad to have several idea pools to bounce back and forth from when perhapeth you get stuck on the current one youre on and wanna mix it up a little. IS IT SO WRONG to not finish a wip. must everything be a completed project that is pretty and cleaned up and perfectly done?! i do know, as i said, that it is Not That Deep. but also i do worry that perhaps for some people, it Is That Deep. i would personally like to reject the concept that all ideas must be completed start to finish in a nice little order otherwise it's "not right" or whatever. sometimes you start something and it doesnt really go anywhere! that's fine. sometimes you put it away for a few days or weeks or months or years and then you come back to it later!! whats wrong w/that. who is putting deadlines on these things, if they are in fact hobbies. business is i guess another story but im not TALKING about business. i am talking about fun teehee hobby time. cutting away imaginary rules and putting false pressures and having FUN why is it so SHAMEFUL to have many ideas and working on them as you GO!!!! be free. do whatever u want FOREVER!!!!!!!
#this sounds like im making an announcement. im not announcing shit im just babbling in a big run on paragraph lol#i think sometimes you hit a point where like#u see a hashtag relatable meme so many times that it is like yknow what. maybe this ISNT relatable to me anymore actually.#also i did not even see a meme about this at all today or even recently#i was just thinking about my various crochet projects as i was working on one and daydreaming about my various fics in progress#and the new idea i had for a fic / the new pattern i looked up earlier#because i LIKE having many things to work on at once#it keeps my momentum going#who give a shit if it's not organized or efficient or whatever the point is supposed to be#no imaginary rules in my HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway. not saying the memes r a crime or anything LOL i dont really care ppl can do wahtever they want#but ya know. sometimes things start as a light joke and then they snowball Very Quickly#or maybe that is something more telling about my personality LOL#n e way. many have said i am probs undiagnosed ADHD and i do think id explode if i tried to limit myself to finishing one thing at a time#brain gets stuck on one thing and needs to fly around for a while to look at other things!! do not cage my bird.#okay bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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On the string propaganda
Heeellll yeah
Bestie is an entire PLACE
I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.
No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.
I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?
You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.
#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer#you cant tell me that these massive structures kilometers wide capable of things we cant even image would look at something thats#thats comparable to a speck of dust and be like#yes i would like to rid myself of practically my entire body to be that tiny#this aint no “if i were a supercomputer i'd be sad i couldnt see the sky like i do now”#thats only because you have something to compare it to#if i were to suddenly loose everything to be just some microscopic creature i'd be miserable but only because i know what im loosing#id be loosing the ability to think like i do now id be loosing the ability to enjoy the things i do now#i dont know what life is like as a microscopic creature but i wouldnt be willing to give up my life as i know it now#and i think with iterators are the same#just how different is their life from ours and what things can they see that we are missing out on?#give up everything comfortable and known and for what??#to feel the sun? they absolutely have various temperature sensors#see the sky? those overseers were made to see things those visuals are in 4k#other animal comforts?? what about computer comforts??#what makes a lil creature happy may not necessary make a massive supercomputer happy#sorry big rant in the tags um just wanna say this is no hate to anyone who wants their creatures off the string#these are fictional beings and you do whatever makes you happy take them off the string set them loose yess enjoy little robots running#around be happy i love reading ya alls off the string shenanigans#rain world#iterator#drawins#oc veil of dreams#rw talk#rain world oc#iterator oc
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I feel like genshin's bad writing issues aren't really the same as other gachas just because the structure of the game itself is very different compared to card collection-based ones. It's not really a matter of retconning character development for the sake of sales, there IS absolutely dogshit writing in this game but imo it's not really tied to the gacha itself in the same way because the entire storyline including the characters' individual ones aren't really gated by owning them and the developers are fully aware that the characters will sell themselves regardless of what their story is as long as they're cute anime characters because a significant chunk of the fanbase doesn't even know how to read
#like genshin is very adamant about not revisiting things that already happened if they happened during a limited time event#even if it's integral to the story if you missed out on it you're on your own#so it doesn't have as much of an issue with characters having their personal development erased for the sake of having them repeat the same#realization over and over or whatever#I'm not saying the writing doesn't suffer from having to make the characters marketable (cough cough Ei)#but at least it doesn't really tend to go back on itself and keep the characters' personalities and issues static and boring#🗨️#from what i gathered hoyo's games in general tend to be very story driven regardless of the gacha element#whether the story is well written is a whole different ordeal#but it's very much a major element of the game and not just an afterthought slapped on to better sell the gacha#if anything the gacha can feel kind of slapped on to justify the rest of the game#like the main appeal is very much exploring and learning about the story of the world from different sources including all the various#world quests that aren't even tied to any playable characters so they're entirely like separate from the need to sell you a character#that being said I'm not saying the writing is Good either. just that it's usually internally consistent with itself at least
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That moment when you have to let people be wrong about you because correcting them would make you seem like an unbearable show-off
I was at a bookstore with a friend the other day and I was looking at a book in German that I was interested in buying, but then I saw that it was a translation and had originally been written in French
I commented idly to my friend "Sometimes I don't buy a book because it's a translation and I always prefer to read in the original language when possible" and she said in an agreeing-with-me way, "Yeah it would make more sense to read it in English"
and I realized she assumed I meant English when I said "original language"
but I couldn't bring myself to say "Yeah, or French or Dutch or Spanish or Italian or Portuguese or one of the other languages I read..." because like. who says that kind of thing.
#it's odd but i've suddenly been noticing a lot of people underestimating me lately#like i told a friend i was studying compsci/programming#and she started sending me like... links to absolute beginner 'how to start learning to code' resources#which of course is very sweet and i really appreciate her supportiveness!#so i certainly don't want to say 'lol i passed that point 10 years ago but thanks'#or my friends know perfectly well that i'm a language professional and have spent time studying many languages#but somehow they don't seem to make the connection that that translates into having actual abilities?#like i can piece together the meaning of a sentence in russian or chinese and they'll go 'wtf' like i'm a wizard or something#or i've mentioned a few times that i read for fun in various languages but that seems to just go in one ear and out the other for most folk#and they still can't conceive that i would read a WHOLE BOOK in a language that's not german or english#these are just two examples but i've seen it happen with several other things too#and i'm just... not sure how normal people handle this sort of thing?#how do you let your friends know what you're capable of without coming across as an arrogant prick#i'm not seeking approbation and so i don't tend to boast#but i think maybe i err too hard in the opposite direction?#maybe i've been accidentally implying all these years that i'm Very Amateur in all my interests/hobbies#i don't know how to strike a reasonable balance#but it does feel kind of. weirdly alienating. to suddenly realize most of my friends really don't Know me in this way#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant#i guess what annoys me is that i'm very careful not to do this to others#if someone tells me about a certain interest or hobby of theirs i assume by default that they must know So Much about it#and if i dare to send them or suggest them anything i always preface it with 'you probably already know this but...'#or 'this may well be something that's painfully obvious to someone with your expertise but...'#and i would try to never make any statement or suggestion that implies i think they're at a low level in [whatever that thing is]#so it bothers me a bit when other people don't take the same consideration. i guess.#(not enough to do anything about it beyond blogging with mild annoyance. but hey)
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So i made this lil transparent worm-on-a-string Hiccup a while back
Im leaving him here for yall to watch while i go do a Thing
Im sure when i get back he wont be in any precarious situations, or unsavory circumstances, or anything of that ilk
Anyways
Have fun
Ill be back
#httyd books#httyd#book hiccup#how to train your dragon#how to train your dragon books#to be explicitly clear about this post: i am uploading this guy with the idea that someone may copy/paste him into various situations#like historical photos/bowls of soup/over an active volcano whatever#thats why he's transparent so you dont have to photoshop or whatever if ya wanna do it#i also dont expect anyone other than like my friends to do this#because Social Anxiety is a thing and interacting with strangers is Uncomfortable so like not everyone's gonna wanna do it#and thats cool if you just wanna reblog the boy cause you like him without edits or anything#but also anyone can slap this guy into a photo or whatever i dont care#i just wanna see my guy in situations lol#i feel like i had more to say but idk so#im aware this is a long explanation for this but#i like explaining to be clear#recently had a test that had very little instructions and i didnt know what to do so#im also probably just in an extra explaining mood cause of that lol
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2025 reads / storygraph
Love Points To You
YA contemporary coming of age
an artist struggling to get used to the idea of moving in with her new stepmother & stepsister can't wait to go away to art school
when her ipad is destroyed, her rich classmate offers to buy her a replacement in exchange for concept art for an otome game she’s developing, and as they work on the game, they start to fall for each other
while she tries to get used to her new family situation, and the fact that her parents seem to be more invested in her stepsister’s future while ignoring hers
bi ace MC, bi demi LI
#Love Points To You#aroaessidhe 2025 reads#asexual books#sapphic books#demisexual books#I thought this was pretty good overall!#It’s very much a coming of age kind of story with as much focus on her family relationship as the romance which I appreciate.#I like how their romance developed pretty casually into dating rather than being all in love all of a sudden#- and all the moments of bonding over otome games and both being acespec and both speaking Mandarin#I like how the conflicts with her stepsister/art rival/family etc were quite grounded and mostly resolved (semi) maturely#and not all overblown into drama despite Lynda’s petty explosive personality.#( and honestly; love some girls who are kinda petty and pretentious and stubborn and oblivious)#That is - until the end she kinda fucks up with everyone and pretty quickly realises she’s in the wrong; I feel like it was a bit overdone?#I understand why she felt and acted that way but it was all very fast paced and a bit of a contrast to the rest of the book#where things were handled with more nuance and maturity.#And oh my god if you found out that a potential investor wants you to change the game’s pairing to straight#why would you not think that’s a dealbreaker? like how could you have any other reaction? I know she realises she was wrong to#react that way pretty much immediately but it felt a little too much like it was there to create a conflict rather than being natural#My favourite part of the book was her developing friendship with her stepsister. made me tear up fr#(this also backtracks a little at the end with the final conflict in a way that felt a little overdone but whatever)#I put some specific art opinions and asexual opinions in my storygraph review (in link above) but a main point for each lol:#She has a sticker shop that’s mentioned a few times but no details…. is this via print or demand or is making/sending them herself#because that's a MASSIVE amount of admin that I'd expect to see depicted in some form. i have experience. lol#Generally speaking I liked the depiction of asexuality she already identifies as such and it’s not brought up all the time#but it does effect how she interacts with the world / thinks about people from time to time#- her dad says “even though you're not interested in dating this applies to you too” & she thinks: “I'm asexual not dead"#- which.. oof. unnecessarily arophobic. I know it’s probably unintentional on the author’s part and I’m used to brushing that aside#- because it’s so common in romance books but I’m gonna be honest it soured my opinion on the rest of the book a bit.#it also felt at odds with her otherwise having various anti-amatonormative thoughts and feelings about various things.#that and the slightly too much conflict in the very end i didn't love but everything else about the book i thought was rly good
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attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising
can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible
#getting married is not really a thing id be doing in order to concretize any promise that isn't 'we really really want to keep doing this#and want to experience various economic benefits of that desire and also invite my family to celebrate about how great 🌸 is'#it's not that i don't consider us to have commitments to each other it's just like. the vows would be essentially 'i promise to try to have#continuity of personality with my current self to the extent that that bears on the qualities that make our relationship work well'#i don't know why it bothers me so much. but the idea of idk. promising to always listen to 🌸 or whatever feels genuinely horrible#it's sort of. parodic? either i'm doing it and/or have given good reason to believe i would be receptive to and capable of working toward i#or not. and either way. why are our families watching us reiterate that information.#on the other hand i would REALLY like to get up and give a speech about 🌸's innumerable deeply admirable qualities which strongly#motivate me to continue living with and knowing and supporting them.#so if i do that instead. do you think anyone will like. notice.#box opener#i guess it's good to realize that i have a STRONG IDEOLOGICAL OPPOSITION TO WEDDING VOWS before we're publicly engaged#but also. we are really rejecting a lot of the wedding concept. it's possible this is going to end up being two speeches and a dance party.#a rabbi can stand nearby. for ambiance.
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I always enjoy it when people come up to me while im drawing as long as they're nice about it, and especially kids. And while the last two weeks only seemed to have obnoxious parents (at one point a kid was pointing like 'i want to be able to that!' and their parent replied 'you can't' and i was like ???? Wtf), this week there was a mom and two daughters who were really interested in art and were standing behind me while i sketched for a long while. Neither of the girls could have been much older than 10, and they were super shy, and were asking their mom questions, and i answered one of the questions. And the mom laughed and said 'see, she can hear you, don't be afraid to ask her questions!' and then i turned around and introduced myself a little and explained what i was drawing. And then they just stood and quietly watched me draw for like ten minutes, it was so sweet. 🥹
#Freebooter4ever#Also like....whenever im drawing im usually eavesdropping on various conversations around me#Adults are the funniest to listen to#Kids are mostly running around#And thinking about that lol...i realized what a weird child i was#When from the age of 6 i started going with my grandma to the kubota gardens in seattle#and we would sit and calmly draw or write for hours instead of me needing constant entertainment#I had a moment when i realized that if i had kids there would be no way to know if they would like drawing or if they would#Even be as quiet and calm as i was back then#Its not like i have not thought about having kids and how that would mean my time and choices would no longer be my own#But as i get more and more wistful over wanting kids#I catch myself thinking about stuff like this and realizing ok with a small child i probably wouldnt be able to do this anymore#And then i try to genuinely analyze whether or not i would be willing to give up whatever it is#And to my surprise the answer is usually yes#I find that im not thinking about it in terms of giving things up which is how society or advice books seem to paint it as#But rather adjusting to fit in a different kind of joy#I dunno ignore me im getting sappy over kids again
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watching various posts float past that are just reinforcing my sneaking suspicion that there really is something other people are getting out of art that I just. don't.
like seeing a cool sculpture or painting and, sure, pretty, obviously that took a lot of skill, but: ??? why are you acting like this has Meanings (TM) ??? I thought we were all in agreement that the museum blurb of all the things it makes you Feel was bullshit???
and this I was happy to believe I had in common with everyone else but there's something in a chunk of the anti-ai sneering about how some people approach art that has me. suspicious. that maybe this isn't rhetoric? at least for some people?
but who knows, maybe I say that and, oh, silly, isn't it obvious that it wasn't meant to be literal and was actually code for something else, how embarrassing you took people at their word!
which is to say: art: fuck me, it's like being a 14 year old ace all over again
#seen various people suggesting 'how to get into art' that were basically 'oh see enough of it and eventually something will Strike You'#and mate it's been 30 years of galleries and internet and looking and nothing has yet#some of it's pretty? I like the colours sometimes? some of the depictions are of fun things?#but idk if you want me to get meaning you have to put it in sentences I think#(post also applies to poetry actually)#personal#nah honestly if there are any Art People out there who can put whatever they're on about in words I'd appreciate it
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I was listening to an interview of Gagne's about her sociopathic condition and some of these parts really resonated with Tobias. Like her mentioning she's masking "right now" (during the interview) otherwise she'd be smiling and blinking far less, the story about how as a child she felt a pressure building up in her and when another kid who was sitting next to her annoyed her at the wrong moment she stabbed them and the stabbing made her feel startlingly euphoric, the way she was discussing empathy as something learned from society and intended to gain something from (a dopamine release/good feeling) because she doesn't understand any actions that are done by neurotypicals for no reason, her experience having to mimic her neurotypical sister to fit into society, the relief she felt when she met her husband who didn't shy away from her despite her unburdening herself to him about all of her (the bad, scary & unnerving qualities/actions/etc included)... there are a bunch of differences between her & Tobias' experiences too, obviously, but at least THESE parts were very on the nose. Especially one declaration that stood out to me: "Doing something morally unacceptable was a way to force a pop of color [in my life]" which is exactly why Tobias does anything he does. That pop of color. That derived amusement. The odd joy that follows which is the only thing he can really feel out of the positive cluster of emotions.
#◜✧ . ❪ muse. tobias. ❫#◜✧ . ❪ tobias ; meta. ❫#I like researching about people with aspd (sociopathic aspd in particular... go figure why...) & I think the clearest glimpse I can get#is from mixing the stories of homicidal sociopaths with the stories of everyday sociopaths. which were/are still criminal in Some regard#but who didn't act on their homicidal or aggressive impulses for one reason or another & instead are far more/basically harmless#It's the most likely approach to help me understand the truth behind sociopathy instead of Just basing things off of common knowledge#bc lbr sociopaths aren't exactly portrayed in the greatest way in media! And Tobias doesn't help much considering his whole backstory#and how That has influenced him make him feel closer to the usual sociopaths we can find in media/news than the less harmful ones#but now that he's also... a little less rigid? or a bit more open?? idk how to explain whatever he's got going around Ash.#but yeah whatever That's called. I think I should delve a bit more into the regular sociopaths' lifestyles & belief systems#to gauge what's the shared ground between All sociopaths (what really MAKES them sociopathic) in various 'normal' contexts#I took the PCL test & everything for him he IS 100% a sociopath. The only issue is they tend to be vastly diff from one another#so I'm squinting at all the Shared traits I see in their books/shows/interviews/etc like I'm a clinical psychologist on duty 😭#One day I should write a long ass meta post about Tobias' sociopathic tendencies bc golly gee there's so much to yap about 😮💨#I do think he'll never be fully comfortable w someone who won't accept Every side of him tho. He's fine masking since he's done that#all his life & he sure isn't gonna stop anytime soon but doing that 24/7 can sometimes be pretty damn irritating. sometimes even exhausting#& obviously he sometimes wants to throw the damn facade on the floor and relax even if he can be unsettling as hell during those times#He will never show his 'real self' to sb he doesn't entirely trust btw. Not unless they're abt to die which erm... not ideal circumstances!#so 99.9% of people will never see the REAL Tobias bared naked to his core personality. Most will get some degree of truth mixed in with#a lot of societal bs that's either expected of him or that he wants to do to obtain their trust/friendship/etc. NEVER the full picture!
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I, uh. Got distracted.

EXHIBIT A:




Oh god these were. Well. The first one I got exactly right, actually! The second one gave me ENDLESS fucking trouble and unfortunately, you can see it's damaged (not in these pics -- I was undoing/redoing So Much). BUT. The important thing (and maybe I'll capture it eventually...?) is that they have a fun dangly effect! They're SUPER CUTE TBH. Made out of jump rings, tiny chain links, and that ball weight thing at the end of an adjustable necklace. All of which, were harvested from necklaces I don't wear anymore/have never worn LMFAOO. I lucked out w the tiny blue beads, I spent forever looking for ANYTHING that would work yesterday, but to no avail. Until I finally found my case of mini mini beads I just couldn't find yesterday LMFAOO (these were the only two like them! Which is also a shame that one did get so damaged, but. What are you gonna do lmfao)
EXHIBIT B:


Not a huge fan of the placement, but. It was a shoddy at home job, anyway (don't pierce your ears at home! 😨😰). These little bead rings are also from a necklace I never ended up wearing, and maybe that's fortunate. They're kinda cheap plastic w paint on em. I imagine, with wear/being pressed against skin, the paint probably would have come off (here's hoping it doesn't here! I feel cheated... but I mean. I don't know why I expected anything different LMFAO). Every time I tried to cut a slot, I just snapped them LMFAOO... they glue back together alright, though. Alls well that ends well! Sharena will have a pair like these too, once her dangly earrings are in!
And. Moe still doesn't have ears, yet. But! Sharena is here to help! 😊



I'm hoping to use these little black beads and layer them in such a way that they look like gauges! I'd prefer to sew them on, ideally. Glue would probably be a last resort... I just don't want to run the risk of losing any parts. At least I have multiple of these ones, but. They're also from a broken bracelet I found on the ground. So. Limited supply.
As for Moe's silver hoops/clickers, I don't want to have Sharena model those. I tried initially, but these (I think they're washers? Also stolen from my dad's stuff) are a lot more heavy duty than a jump ring. I actually scuffed up one of Sharena's ears, trying to fit them on. She's okay, but it was definitely too close for comfort! But that's really good information to have. I think I should insert the earrings to the ears separately, before they're attached to the head. So I have a LOT of room for error and potential destruction LMFAOO 😭🧍 I really like the industrial look the washers give, though! It suits Moe REALLY well tbh, ESPP paired w the angel fangs made out of nails!!!
All in all, I'm EXTREMELY happy w Sharena's dangly earrings! They were really challenging, but sooooooooooo cutes........ I'll def have to like. Post a vid or a gif or something, at a later date (when it's all put together!). And I'm really happy this is the route I chose, for everyone's earrings! LIKE. I had half a thought of using various stitching, which could have been neat too. But. The miniature jewelry............ made out of various beads and chains and objects. Makes me SOOOOO HAPPY. It's just SO fun visually!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 I don't know how well matched it'll look when I have to get to shit like armor and buckles, but. Eh. Fuck around and find out. For now, they're CUTE 😤😤😤😤😤
#diy plush#yes i do feel bad about making little accessories while they're still in larval stage.#but is that going to stop me? NO!!!!!!#in a perfect world sharena would have the teardrop shaped jewelry i draw her with. but unfortunately#i have nothing like that in my collection of Things. and i'm really stubborn about going out LMFAOOOO#and for something like this i'd NEED to see it in person. you know. to get a better feel for it#but these little blue beads work just fine! they're REALLY cute on her too#i'm having an INCREDIBLE amount of fun w these though. like i like making jewerly for myself!#BUT MAKING JEWERLY FOR TINY LITTLE GUYS............... incredible. groundbreaking. why didn't i do this sooner#i espppp just really like repurposing various objects. jewerly that no longer suits me.#whatever trinkets i can get my hands on. it's soooo fun#feels REALLY rewarding too!!!#fe alfonse#sharena#my frwends ...
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