#about to off myself bye!
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Just roll out into the water, right? Roll out into the water just like all these other motherfuckers around here trying to drown their sorrow.
Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.
Y Tu Mamá También (2001) dir. Alfonso Cuarón Moonlight (2016) dir. Barry Jenkins
#filmgifs#filmedit#y tu mamá también#moonlight#moonlightedit#y tu mamá también edit#y tu mama tambien#ggbedit#gael garcía bernal#gael garcia bernal#diego luna#maribel verdú#trevante rhodes#andré holland#mahershala ali#my gifs#*#about to off myself bye!
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the picnic table scene
#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that#but FUCK was i writing this morning#man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit#this fic might get done after all...#i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS;#THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE#YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH#ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed#absolutely unprompted#throwing myself to the ground and howling#who do i need to BITE#oh 7 am me we're really in it now#literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up#if that was something i could do lmao#fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing#anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane#which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3#slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown
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I have 5 different fic ideas writing down in my phone memo. They all came to me in the space of a week.
I think I'm cursed with ideas and no time to explore them.
#inspiration is amazing#and everybody knows those two idiots in love inspire me a lot#but I have no fucking time for all of this#I wish I could write about them more#I wish I could draw them too#I started a kind of comic book drawing with them#I'd like to draw something for every fic I wrote#like bits of dialogue or just one drawing to set the tone of the fic#we should just be allowed to take a day off when inspiration is there#or just say to your boss#inspiration is there I have to go bye and just take off#but right now I think I need at least a whole week#where like I see nobody and just expresses myself through art#I don't know#they make me sick#with inspiration I guess#and when you're sick#well you just have to stay home you know#so I should be able to#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#writing fanfiction#I wish I had more time to do that actually#my personal experience with destiel#my destiel fanfic
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thinkin about the deweys . as always
#there is this trend i have noticed within myself#where whenever it hits finals season i want to avoid doing my finals so so so bad#that i just start coming up with the most unhinged depressing fic concepts ever known by man#today's is a post-trade queer isolation fic centered on the way things weren't perfect in minnesota not by far#but at least connor was a little sure -- a bit mind you nothing crazy or anything#but a little sure that if his teammates didn't already know what was going on with brandon they'd just accepted a certain level of#Weirdness#that gave them a pretty long leash re: what they could get away with without being noticed or ostracized#but now he's on the leafs and he's running into all these new issues he never had to worry about before#they want to know why he's on his phone all the time. they want to know if he has a girlfriend. they want to know about brandon#but not like that of course why would they have any reason to think it was like that. and even if they did think it was like that --#connor has enough to worry about already without being on sheldon keefe's or auston matthews' or whoever's shitlist for being queer#or for that matter the toronto media's shitlist. and to top it all off he and brandon aren't even in the same country anymore.#not even in the same CONFERENCE#fuck.#bees speaks#ok bye im gonna go stare at this stupid poem for a while#rpf talk#2126
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make your mean spirited jokes about men all you want but byeeeeeeeeee
#dont expect me to want to stick around and be ok w hearing it. im tired. idc anymore.#im over here trying to feel euphoria about myself and everyone else is trying to make me feel like shit about wanting to be a guy#so for my own mental health im peacing out.#i think ppl really underestimate the negative impact hearing 'men are trash' repeated over and over and over again has on trans guys#when a message is repeated enough to you you start to believe its true or at least pretend to to not upset the people around you even tho#it hurts so fucking badly to hear- that the kind of person you are is just irredeemable trash.#thanks. bye. fuck off and out of here.#like this was the website that was all 'we dont need men anymore genocide men' like i remember reading that shit ok. im tired. im over it.#im worn with enough experience with this kind of shit that i dont want to be around it anymore.#and no the 'genocide men' shit wasnt a joke. it was a serious consideration on a post about the possibility of conceiving children#through bone marrow.#I Dont actually have to hangout w you if i constantly feel like you're shitting on me
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I love ur blog bro Sendou is like my favorite character he’s criminally underrated
HE IS AND IT'S SO DEVASTATING
I think its mainly because Aiku is often the main focus and Sendou only ever appears alongside him. So as a consequence it ends up being his most popular ship and sidelines him as a companion piece to Aiku. He's such a cutie though with so much potential I can't help but love him.
Mainly because he still has that optimism for playing Ace that Aiku lost/gave up on in his early years. He's egotistical and in his own head and personally if Blue Lock was started earlier I think he would've thrived. Hell he's thriving right now! He's such a interesting character to nitpick and Im glad he's becoming other peoples favourite too<3 Ive been yelling into a void for way too long lmao
#Sendou Shuto#Blue Lock Sendou#BLLK#Blue Lock#Ask#I'm waiting patiently for his Blue Lock bible entry I want to know more about him#Cut myself off cause I take any chance to talk about him like a fish to bait#k bye
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#the holidays are always a struggle for me but i want everyone to know that despite everything i've been really grateful to be part of#your lives this year#i'm going to write an actual end of year post but i just have met so many lovely people this year#i've reconnected with more#i feel so sick most of the time and i'm trying very hard to get better#and at the risk of sounding pathetic#it's rare that i feel as though i can call a person a friend#i'm quick to close off and i share things about myself to sort of perform vulnerability while never opening up#but i can truly say that i've been thankful for what bg3 has brought me this year#ok bye
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i just wanna make enough money to be able to live in this stupid world. what does that feel so fucking impossible
#HOW DO I GET A JOB THAT PAYS ME REAL MONEY#I'M TIRED OF BEING FUCKING POOR#ok i'll stop now. i'm going to go to the grocery store. maybe going outside will fix me#it also feels so fucking crazy bc i'm better off right now than i have been in the past. i can get takeout! i can get a sandwich!#but i can't live by myself here. i can't afford car payments. i can't rent studio space#whatever. i want things to be different but so does everybody else. i'm not special. no more being MAUDLIN BYE!!!!!!!#chatpost#cant wait to go be stressed about prices at the grocery store too. lol
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something about a carlos who never thought he'd find a love that feels so right and so deep and finally having it and so all he wants now is to spend time is with TK, he wants to do so much with him, he wants to go on adventures and travel the world with the love of his life and he wants to take his time savouring that love and how good it feels 😭
#AND SOMETHING ABOUT HIM JUST ENDING HIS TALK WITH HOW TK IS GONNA MAKE A FANATICS HUSBAND AND KISSING HIM SWEET 😭#flinging myself off the nearest bridge#BYE#911 lone star#911 ls#tk strand#carlos reyes#ronen rubinstein#rafael silva#4x12
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Top ten photos that gave me emotional whiplash
#for context I drew this in middle school in 2019… it was a different time#all I remember about making this was that I thought it was the funniest shit ever and that I didn’t want to take myself too seriously#this is a time capsule image#but looking at it makes me want to explode#that’s all bye im so sorry current BMC fans i was the reason people make fun of us#be more chill#posting this is going to take 50 years off my life bye
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sister saw me wearing the puffer that i use for my daigo cosplay since im cold all the time and sweaters arent enough and she was just like 'i really like it :) you look so. 👊💥' and after going What she was like 'you look real cool :) is what i meant :)' like thank you sister of mine youre too silly for this life
#snap chats#like she punched the air and made a punch sound effect fwrjflkjle#i mean she is not. WRONG with miming that about this jacket so 💀💀💀💀#also funny im wearing my own cross necklace and a black shirt and pants. lmao#also yeah i have two puffers- one's meant for the rain and REALLY cold weather and the second one's just. Casual/Daigo#'why are you like this' cause the other puffer's way too buiky fr casual wear and daigo and the interior isn't black like his is#this one's more slim and has a black interior. which is so funny cause when i was looking for a puffer for daigo years ago#it was impossible finding such a thing specifically but i got bored and decided to look again recently and i found it on the first page#for like. three cents basically too fejLRKjELj so thats cool. cant wait to show it off at animenyc#no im actually so excited bout animenyc ... hopefully i can actually. attend a meetup unlike last time 💀#i also didnt get to go last year so itll be fun going to a con again ..#im just stoked in general bout the small-but-meaningful-edits-to-me ive done to the whole look#s'gonna be fun .. AND im gonna try tweaking my mine one too since i got compelled to do That with all the mine talk lately#idk when id show that one off if ever. UNLUCKY that i hate taking pics of myself no one ever gets to see my cosplays unless its video form#ok im done rambling i have some stuff to do before i take an exam bye
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the greatest struggle of all is believing komaeda would be hypersexual (it makes sense given what we know — i could write up a whole thing on it), but knowing half the fandom portrays him that way — but like. in a way i hate and view as really strange LMAO.
#nsft tw#blushy/drooly komaeda my hated#there are so many characters who have sprites like that and komaeda ain’t one of them#HELL he probably doesn’t blush much at all!!#mr. anemic over here#also pure bottom/submissive komaeda#hate that too#komaeda’s literally known for contradicting himself in almost everything he does#he’s just as likely to fully submit to you as he is to be like— ‘mmm no. i’m just gonna do this myself. bye.’ — or to flip into a dom role#don’t get me started on how servant is treated#ooohh i could pop off about despair komaeda#idk if people are interested in my particular headcanons about all this tho#literally considered makin a sin only blog just so i could scream about this#like RIBSD not even to put threads there just like#pop off#♡₊˚ ☘️・₊✧ » ooc : post ─ 𝘏𝘖𝘓𝘋𝘌𝘙 𝘖𝘍 𝘒𝘖𝘔𝘈𝘌𝘋𝘈 𝘏𝘖𝘛 𝘛𝘈𝘒𝘌𝘚. ❞
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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if i had an allergic reaction again will my friend appear to hold my hand again if i get really drunk again will they carry me home if i'm too sick to get up will she call me at 5 AM to check up again if we've missed a flight and we're stuck in city we weren't meant to be in at 2AM will he tell me about philosophy again if i make bad decisions will she almost slap me in the face and hand me a cigarette again if i feel lost will she share shitty kebab and tell me about her life again will we get to play poker together again
#will he text me for advice about girls again#will she let me walk her home and tell me about her love life again#will she bleach my hair again will she cut my hair again will he teach me about jets and airplanes and the armories in his school again#will she tell me about the bell jar will she write music about me will they braid my hair in a hot summer again#will he walk next to me and tell me about how he wants to become an art curator? will he almost fall into a canal?#will she tell me to bite on a menthol cigarette again#will i get to see them smile again#i know we grow around memories and you never get over a person you lost really you just grow into and around the space they left behind#but theres just a lot of space#will i ever be big enough for everyone i ever loved#carrying memoried is so insane like what a monumental task#(id rather die than not carry them at all though maybe that's the same thing twice)#welcome to london paddington . etc etc#my friend cooked for me when i was too overtaken by heartache to do it myself. yesterday she put a blanket on me without me asking#if i lose her one day how will i carry that#idk how we are capable of this but our capacity for loss is so insane#anyway#time to stop grieving in advance#bye time to get off the train
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listened to american pie while thinking about the league of villains do NOT fucking talk to me
#SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE SAVED THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM EMBODIES SOME FORM OF SOCIETAL FAILING#IT'S NOT EVEN SUBTEXT IT IS THEIR LITERAL ROLE AS CHARACTERS AND YET THEY ARENT SAVED#THEY'RE DEMONISED UNTIL THE END AND THEY'RE DROPPING LIKE FLIES AND I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS#THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE AND IT'S GONNA BE CELEBRATED. KILLING MYSELF#THEY WERE FRIENDS IN SPITE OF IT ALL. THESE PEOPLE WHO REJECTED SOCIETY STILL CRAVED COMMUNITY SO DESPERATELY#THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED AND WE WERE SINGING BYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE- *GUNSHOT* *SCREAMING* *EXPLOSIONS*#TAKE THIS SONG OFF MEEEEEEEEEEE#mha#league of villains#also saw a tiktok yesterday of someone being like 'cannot BELIEVE the todorokis are all focusing on touya rn#when shouto is literally injured' and all the comments were like 'this is why i hate dabi' WHAT IF YOU KILLED YOURSELF#I LOVE SHOUTO BUT FOR ONCE THIS AINT ABOUT HIM!! FUCKING HELL I FEEL LIKE IM YELLING AT A BRICK WALL#'HE'S INJURED' TOUYA JUST BLEW HIMSELF UP AGAIN. I THINK WE HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY HERE
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i just now realized (at 37 years stupid apparently) that my first boyfriends family absolutely knew what we were doing in the basement and i. am. mortified.
#personal#dont be fucking weird about this post#we were legal adults too which makes it worse i think#im gonna throw myself off a bridge now good bye forever
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