#about how i've been meaning to get into more of those bands that are considered maybe among the most influential and sort of classic

[seaofreverie]

I was about to start throwing plates because even though hours have passed, the messages on my deco my tree just wouldn't load and in all honesty I was looking forward to reading those more than getting my christmas presents. But looks like making an account on another sketchy website that was linked on that already also sketchy website did give me access to the messages finally. The only problem is that i can't see who they're from but also they seem to be chronological so I think I can figure it out lol. So after some frustrations i can finally say that i have read them and they were really sweet and nice.... so, thank you friends!!!!! 💝 I hope your holidays were great too. And moral of the story is don't trust random websites like these with something that's sort of personal to you idk

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Who Is My Heart Waiting For? | Jeon Jungkook | One Shot

Summary: Getting closer to one of the staff members on tour didn’t seem like such a bad idea…that is until Jungkook realizes that his feelings for her are more than just platonic. Pairing: Staff f!reader x Rockstar!Jungkook (pov) Word Count: 14k~ (I've legit been working on this since July lol) Warnings: Explicit language but that's it a/n: I made this with Jimin in mind (since it's his song) but no one was really vibing with it (unfortunately) so I figured I'd change it to Jungkook. I hope you guys like it! Inspired by Who by Jimin (Rock Remix)

"Ayo JK!" our keys player Tyler calls out as we all stumble through the green room doors, throughly exhausted after playing our third encore of the night. "Did you see the way that little hottie in the front row was looking at you?" he says, his description of whatever girl he's talking about incredibly vague.

"You'll have to be a little more specific Ty, there were plenty of hotties in the front row" I throw back, rolling my eyes and opening the water bottle one of the staff gave me. "The little blondie in the red dress?" he offers, his description yet still vague helps me sort through the girls that had been screaming our names throughout the show.

"She was practically drooling" he continues poking fun at her and I can't help but want to shift the attention away from her. "I mean I would too if I were her" I say, throwing out a cocky comment like I always do. It's no secret that I know I'm hot and after that concert high it takes a second for me to come back down to earth.

"You're the front man for a reason I guess" our drummer Zach says, sticks still in hand, tapping on whatever surface he can reach. "Don't give him a bigger head than he already has Z" Asher our lead guitarist says, rounding out the rest of our band with Leo our bassist chiming in soon after.

"Gotta give the man some credit though. I think I saw a girl pass out after he made eye contact with her" he teases, leaving Zach clapping me on the back making me stumble from the sheer force of it.

Leo chuckles when he sees the glare I send Zack's way but it's gone when he slumps down on the couch next to him. "Thanks" I grumble while rolling my shoulder, him being the one chuckling now, the intensity he had been using while banging on those drums still in full effect.

"Anyways" Tyler says, bringing the conversation back to where it had started "I bet she's still out there...waiting for you...hoping she'll be your girl for the night" he taunts winking to add fire to flame my protest against the idea.

"You know I don't do that anymore" I mumble, walking over to grab my phone and seeing that Sage is still blowing it up. "Why don't you just block her? She's obviously psycho if she thinks that you're still gonna go back to her after all the shit she put you through" he says, bringing up past memories from my last relationship that I would really rather forget.

"Ty stop" Leo warns, coming to my defense when he sees how tense I've gotten from the way he's been bad mouthing my ex. "Why? We all know she deserves it" he presses, leaving me balling my hands into fists, seriously considering shutting him up but when I turn around Ash's hand is already clamping down on my wrist.

"Just let it go" he mumbles, leaving me relaxing my hands knowing that he's right but I'm still ticked off.

"I need some air" I huff, pulling my wrist out of his grasp and shoving the back door open, leading to the fenced off parking lot behind the venue, a convenient place where I can breathe in the cool night air. 

It's become a routine I'm accustom to whenever Tyler gets on my nerves at this point and after clearing my head for what feels like mere moments I hear footsteps making their way over to me.

"I don't wanna hear it Ash, I'm fine" I sigh, my back resting against the side of the building, head hanging low, focused on the rocks I'm toying with.

"I'm not Ash" the voice says and my head pops up, watching as the familiar form gets closer. "And I didn't come here to lecture you" she says, mirroring my posture and leaning up against the wall beside me.

"Hey Strings" I mumble the name I gave y/n, one of our newish staff members. "You probably heard all that huh?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders. "Not all of it but I'm pretty sure I got the gist of it" she admits, shoving her hands in her hoodie to shield them from the cool breeze that's blown our way.

"You should head back inside. I don't want you to catch a cold" I nod towards the door and she scoffs. "I should be the one saying that to you Mr. Lead Singer. Last time I checked we still have a couple more shows left" she scolds and I chuckle under my breath, shaking my head.

"What happened to not lecturing me?" I raise a brow at her and she crosses her arms, biting her tongue and going back to keeping her promise.

"As long as you're out here, I'm out here" she argues and I mirror her posture.

"Don't come crying to me when you feel like shit in the morning" I say and she scoffs in response "Then you better not come crying to me either" she says and I smile, knowing that she'll be at my mercy if I need her.

"That's your job though isn't it Princess?" I say, my voice dropping and I relish in the reaction she gives me. Her eyes widen a bit but if you blinked you would've missed it and she turns her head to hide the fact that my words effected her.

"Don't call me that" she mumbles and I laugh, bumping my shoulder against her's, "You know I was just teasing you y/n" I say and she shakes her head. "Don't call me that either" she protests and I can't help but want to keep toying with her.

"Why not? That's your name isn't it?" I say, poking her in the side, making her jump and whack my arm without hesitation. "It's Strings, anything else sounds weird coming out of your mouth" she says and I smile.

"I thought you hated that name" I chuckle and she sighs, "It's...grown on me" she mumbles and I hum, content that it seems we've gotten closer.

"Seems like you've gotten a lot better at restringing our guitars though so I might have to come up with a new nickname for you. Perhaps Sticks" I say, tapping my chin and remembering how she dropped a box of Zack's backup drum sticks the other day.

"Strings is just fine since it might as well be carved into my skin from all the times they broke on me" she says in reference to the many many times she had messed up when she started working with us on our last tour.

"I'll never forget the day we met" I say and she cringes, "One hell of a first impression huh?" she scoffs, still embarrassed to this day.

"Well when your first impression of your new crew member is a shy 'Hello' and the next second their thumb is getting sliced open by a rouge guitar string then yeah I guess you could say that's one way to be remembered" I chuckle and she slides down the wall, resting on her heels and curling up into a ball.

"Oh come on it wasn't that bad" I say, crouching down next to her but she shakes her head, "I'm never gonna live that one down huh?" she groans. "Probably not, but it was a great ice breaker...or I guess skin slicer" I say, trying to make a joke out of it but it doesn't go over well when she groans again and refuses to say anything else.

"You're lucky I was able to take you to the hospital since everyone else was busy" I say, my teasing nature with her relentless as always. "I wouldn't call it lucky since I had to listen to your whiney singing the whole way there" she retorts and I gasp, feigning offense but this is the same song and dance we have every time this memory is brought up.

"People would pay to hear this whiney voice sing. Oh right...they do" I retort and she huffs, standing up to lean against the wall again and I follow her in suit.

"You alright though?" she asks and I breathe out, trying to figure out how to keep my temper in check. "I swear that man is more interested in getting me laid than he is in himself" I say and she chuckles, listening wordlessly and waiting for me to get it all off my chest.

"I don't understand why he's so obsessed with the fact that I'm not sleeping around. Sage and I broke up right before we went on tour and all he's been doing is trying to pawn me off to whatever girl he's noticed has got her eye on me. If he doesn't have a girl on his arm yet then he's concerned about getting one under mine" I ramble and she nods along.

"He claims it's gonna help me blow off some steam but the only time I feel the need to do that is when he's ticking me off again" I finish, trying to slow my breathing so I don't get myself too worked up again.

"He's just trying to look out for you but I will admit he's probably not going about it in the healthiest way...but he means well" she tries to remind me and I know she's right, but something about the way he goes about it just rubs me the wrong way. 

"Yeah I know" I mumble running a hand through my hair in an effort to brush off the emotions this whole ordeal is bringing me.

"You wanna get out of here?" she asks making me chuckle. "That's my line" a wicked grin spreading across my lips making her push off the wall and walk away. "Suit yourself" she says, brushing off my teasing as me declining her invitation. 

"Hey wait up! I didn't say no" I protest jogging over to her and draping my arm around her shoulders, leaning on her so she stumbles and tries to push me off.

"You're pushing your luck here" she says but I wrap my other arm around her as well and follow her to the car that's parked next to the tour bus. "Liz gave you the keys?" I ask, surprised that our manager is letting her take the car for a spin.

"Not in so many words. She told me to look after you so I figured I would need a car to do that properly" she relays and when I walk over to the drivers side first and hold out my hand she tosses me the keys.

"If she tries to chew your ass out about it just tell her it was my idea" I say and she rolls her eyes before we both sink down into our seats. "Can't have my favorite staff member getting fired now can I?" I say and she sighs. "Don't let Liz hear you saying that or I'll really get fired" she warns and I turn the key in the ignition to start the car.

"Everyone knows you're my favorite, Strings" I say and she crosses her arms over her chest and slumps down into the seat. I take that as a good reaction since she usually gets shy when I say stuff like this but I'll have mercy on her this time and just enjoy our night together.

"So what's the plan?" I ask, putting the car in reverse before heading to the exit and out onto the street. "Turn left" she says and I smile, "So it's a surprise huh?" I say and she rolls her eyes. "It's more of you don't need to know until we get there, plus it's not anything crazy so don't get your hopes up" so I do as she says and follow her directions that take us to a diner on the other side of town.

"How did you know where this was without looking it up?" I ask, getting out of the car and walking with her to the entrance. "I have my ways" she says and picks up the pace, leaving me walking behind her and watching her make it there before me. 

She's a peculiar one I'll give her that.

"Come on loser let's go! I'm hungry" she calls out and I scoff and jog over to her. "Hungry? From what?" I say and she glares, looking me up and down. "From taking care of you guys all day. What else?". 

I know she works hard but it's fun to tease her like this.

"Sitting back and relaxing while admiring me" I say and she rolls her eyes, so much so that I would be concerned that they would get stuck at the back of her head if she tried to do it again. 

"More like running ramped and being at all of your beck and call. Do you know how difficult it is to take care of five man childs and one very strict overlord?" she scoffs, the last part in reference to our manager.

"Man child?" I say crossing my arms and she nods her head without hesitation. "You sure there's five of them? And all this time thought we were friends" I pout but she doesn't give in.

"What would you call what we're doing right now?" she asks, sitting down at the booth that the waitress leads us to. "A date?" I say with a smirk on my face and she shakes her head and starts looking through the menu.

"More like feeding a whiney hangry baby who needs my help to survive" she say and now I'm the one rolling my eyes. "I swear, your favorite insult is getting a little bit tired isn't it?" I say and she smirks. 

"Well what would you call that thing that you do when you're singing then?" she asks "A cry or sometimes a growl depending on the song" I tease, throwing an arm around the back of the booth leaving her sliding away from me to create some distance but I slide towards her to keep her close against her best efforts.

"Why do you always feel the need to be so close to me?" she grumbles, accepting defeat once we're almost all the way at the other end of the booth with one good scoot, had she taken it leaving her falling on her ass.

"Because I like being close to you. Plus you're always mumbling whenever we're in public places so this is the only way I can hear you" I reply while making excuses and she scoffs, muttering something inaudible under her breath.

"See I couldn't even guess what you could've possibly said" I say to prove my point. "Because it wasn't for your ears dumbass. Now figure out what you're gonna eat before I let you starve" she says, shoving a menu towards me.

I chuckle and flip through it and eventually we're giving the waitress our orders leaving me turning to face Strings once she's gone.

"Why do you always treat me like a nuisance when we're out in public?" I question and she takes a very long sip of her water to avoid answering right away. "Because you are" she answers and pulls her phone out to check a message that just came in and when I see the name 'Alex' pop up on her screen I get a little disheartened for some weird reason.

When she unlocks her phone I catch a quick glimpse of their conversation and it's full of messages planning for them to meet up. "Who's Alex?" I ask and she locks her phone immediately.

"A friend, not that it's any of your business" she replies curtly and her pointed answer kicks me in the gut. "What kind of friend?" I ask, trying to get more information before making assumptions but she gives me nothing.

"Just a friend alright?" she says and takes another drink of water making me let out a sigh, scooting back and giving both of us some air to breathe. She takes it as a chance to respond to the messages and when more come in I catch a hint of a smile and I scoff.

"What?" she asks, clearly confused with my reaction. "Seems like they're a lot more than just a friend from the way you're smiling at their replies" I nod towards her phone and she locks the screen again and places it in her bag.

"Fine, happy?" she says, showing that she'll give me her full attention now in hopes to change the subject and before I have a chance to try the waitress comes back with our food. "Did you two lovebirds need anything else?" the middle aged woman teases, trying to lighten the mood since she can clearly sense the hostility between the two of us.

"Oh we're not toge-" "Could we actually get some hot sauce? My girl loves her food extra spicy" I say, cutting off her denial of our suspected relationship. "Of course" the woman says and takes a bottle from another table and places it right next to Strings. "Just give me a shout if you need anything else" she says and I thank her before she heads off to help another table.

"I don't like hot sauce" Strings says, pushing the bottle away from her and I chuckle, "Yeah I know, but I do" I say and add a few drops on my burger. "You're so weird" she says before popping a fry in her mouth. "At least I don't eat like a child" I retort and she glares at me.

"Chicken strips and fries are the safest option okay? They're hard to fuck up. Unlike the monstrosity of a burger you got. Can you even fit that thing in your mouth?" she asks, watching as I pick it up and smush it down, trying to make it a little easier on myself.

"Only one way to find out" I say, opening wide and doing my best to take a bite but half the topping spill out the other side and she chokes on the water she had been sipping, finding my struggle hilarious. "Yeah yeah laugh it up" I say, rolling my eyes at her and grabbing some napkins for the both of us.

After we both clean up to a certain extent she looks between me and the burger, "You know famous people are supposed to keep up some sort of an image right?" she teases. "Don't remind me" I groan and rest my head against the wall behind us.

"Come here" she says a few seconds later and I look at her questioningly but sit up nonetheless and when I get close enough she grabs my chin and looks at my lips. "What are you do-" I start off but the next second she's placing a damp napkin on the side of my mouth to wipe off whatever sauce that was clearly still on my face.

"Now hurry up and finish eating. Liz will kill me if I'm the one that's keeping you out too late this time, plus I told her I'd bring something back for the rest of the guys too" she informs, tossing the napkin to the side as if that didn't just happen.

I clear my throat and sit back again, eating a fry or two, thankful that my hair is a little longer now otherwise she would've see how red my ears had gotten from something as simple as that.

I stay pretty silent through out the rest of the meal, nodding and humming when a verbal response is somewhat needed since I'm trying to limit the need for me to talk to her after she threw me off like that. Constantly keeping food in my mouth as an excuse to hide my flustered state.

"You're gonna choke if you don't slow down" she says and an image comes to my mind that I would rather not admit leaving me fulfilling her warning and choking on the rest of the burger I had in my mouth.

"I swear it's like you need me to take care of everything at this point" she teases, rolling her eyes at me and giving me the rest of her water so I can clear my throat after half of that bite got lodged in my windpipe.

After getting it all down and being able to breathe again I thank her sheepishly, thoroughly embarrassed with the scene I just caused but luckily the eyes that were watching us were little to none. Our only audience being some men who clearly just got off their overnight shifts and a few drunkards trying to sober up before going home.

"You alright?" she asks after having waved the waitress over to take our to-go order as well as bring over a couple more glasses of water. "Yeah I'm fine, it's just really good" I say, coming up with a subpar excuse and she narrows her eyes at me but takes my word for it.

"Just take smaller bites if you're gonna finish the rest of that, I can't have you throwing up when we get back to the hotel" she warns and I nod my head before taking another bite and making sure to do as she says this time.

"I'm glad you like the food though, I've been here a few times but I've always just ordered the same thing so I was scared that you wouldn't like it. Plus it was the only place around here that was still open so there wasn't really any other option" she admits and when I'm about to ask her why she knows about this place the waitress comes back with the order.

"That was fast" I say and she thanks the waitress before responding to me. "I placed the order a while ago so they were almost done with it and just waiting to box it all up" she says and I nod.

"You know you're really good at this stuff" I compliment and she looks over at me, clearly confused. "Ordering food? It's a pretty simple skill I would think" she says after standing up and grabbing one of the bags but when she tries to grab another I'm quick to carry the rest.

"Well yeah, but like planning things out so that everything is there on time and having back up for everything no matter if it's something like equipment or even a wardrobe change if the guys are being more careless than usual" I say and she nods her head, now understanding a bit more but she just shrugs.

"It's kinda my job to be good at that stuff otherwise I would've gotten fired a long time ago" she says and I shake my head and thank her as she holds the door open for me since I'm the one with my hands completely full otherwise I would argue for it to be the other way around, even though she hates when I do stuff like that.

"I'm here to take care of you and your needs so I'm pretty sure I'll survive if I open the door for you" she would argue but I always win no matter what she says. Although we've come to a compromise with me graciously allowing her to open the car door for herself but even that was a struggle.

"Strings I know you're all independent or whatever but that doesn't mean I can't be a gentleman" I would say when she first started working for us but she would be so against it no matter what.

"Just go live your rockstar life and let me fade into the background alright? I don't need anyone staring at us because you're the one taking care of me" she argues back and although she's right I'm not the kind of guy to let this all go to my head.

Have we had some mishaps because people have seen the two of us alone together? Yes, but that's not something I was ever worried about. 

Well maybe not until tonight...

"Do you know where we're going?" she asks me, referring to the hotel we're staying at but I honestly have no clue so I toss her the keys and get in the passenger seat this time and throughout the whole drive I can't help but steal glances at her.

"What's wrong?" she asks when we hit a red light and I'm shocked that she caught me. 

So much for being sneaky about it. 

"Nothing. Why?" I ask, playing the fool but she doesn't fall for it. "Am I the one with something on my face now?" she chuckles and starts driving again when the light turns green, the roads almost empty making the red lights only last a second.

"No" I say and look out my window so I'm completely turned away from her. "Then why do you keep looking at me?" she asks and when I try to come up with something I luckily find a questions that's been bugging me all night.

"How come you know your way around town already? I mean we haven't had to pull up directions or anything. It's as if you somehow memorized the whole city" I say and she chuckles. "Maybe I did" she teases but I don't believe it for a second. "That's a bit of a stretch even for you Strings" I chuckle and she scoffs at me.

"I thought you said I was good at my job?" she counters but I can't hold my laugh back. "I think I've known you long enough to know that navigation isn't your strong suit" I tease and she shakes her head.

"Remind me to never take you out again" she grumbles and I coo at her. "Aw come on, I'm only joking. You can't just leave me alone to fend for myself with those guys" and she turns into the parking lot and turns off the car once she's parked it around the back next to our bus.

"Aren't you supposed to like your bandmates?" she asks, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the back door to grab some of the food while I do the same with the rest of it. "Of course I like them, but not as much as I like you" I tease and she rolls her eyes at me.

"Sweet talking will get you nowhere Jeon" she says, using my last name to create some playful distance between us. "Aw come on Strings don't call me that...unless you want me to start calling you y/n again?" I taunt and she shakes her head.

"Do and die" she warns and opens the door to the suite a few of the guys are sharing which happens to be where everyone is waiting for us with baited breath from the looks on the guy's faces.

"Where have you guys been? We thought you had left us here to starve" Leo whines, playing it up as if they hadn't already ate the food Strings ordered for them after the show.

"Didn't you guys eat like five pizzas already?" y/n asks placing the food down on the table and stepping back real quick, learning from past experience how they like to pounce whenever there's food around.

"We did but we're growing boys" Tyler says, his face already stuffed with a huge bite of his burger. "You're twenty six" y/n argues and he furrows his brow, "So? I grew five inches the last time I checked my height" he says after swallowing his way too big of bite and drinking one of the sodas that came with their meals.

"That's because the last time you measured yourself before then was when you were sixteen" Zack teases and Ty throws a napkin at him but the smile is wiped off his face once he sees the glare Asher gave him, daring him to throw something again. "Whatever" Tyler mumbles and focuses on eating his food while the rest of the guys pick up the conversation.

"Aren't you guys gonna eat too?" Ash asks but when y/n tries to respond I jump in and hook an arm around her shoulders. "She took me out on a date so we took our sweet time eating together" I say pulling her closer to me when she tries to get away.

"No, I had us eat there since you guys had already devoured all the food I had brought after the show and I was starving and couldn't wait to eat until we came back" she argues while trying to push me and wriggle out of my hold leaving me eventually loosening my grip when she pinches my side.

"Enough, no fighting with the talent. If you wanna fight someone you can fight Zack" Liz scolds while coming out of no where and picking up one of the drinks, absorbed in her phone no doubt checking in with the venue for the next stop on our tour.

"You're only saying that because you know I can't take him huh?" y/n points out and Liz hums in response, grabbing the bag out of my hand that y/n had set aside for her leaving Zack teasing y/n trying to convince her to arm wrestle him or something like that but I leave them behind, opting to follow Liz to see if she knows anything about this 'Alex' character.

"Haven't heard of 'em but from what you've told me it's probably some guy she likes" she offers before taking a bite out of her burger. Looks like all of us were craving burgers tonight but I can't help but notice how unsettled my stomach has been ever since I saw those texts.

"They talked about meeting up though so I'm a little bit confused about that since she's still working for the next few days right?" I ask, having taken note that her days off are usually Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

"She asked to switch her days to tomorrow and Monday. Now that you mention it though she had talked about bringing a friend to the show. I guess you'll figure out who this mysterious Alex is then. Or you could always, ya know, ask her" she says nodding towards where Zack has somehow convinced Tyler to arm wrestle him instead while y/n is on her phone again, trying so hard to ignore them but losing the battle and peering over ever once in a while.

I can't help but shake this weird feeling again and it's driving me nuts. What it could be I have no clue but I decide to just push it aside and head to bed for the night, hoping I can somehow sleep it off.

"I'm heading to bed" I announce to no one in particular but y/n jumps at the chance to follow, her being just as eager to get away from the madness as I am. "Take me with you" she begs and I chuckle and nod, both of us looking over at Liz for approval. "Yeah you're done for the night" she says, waving her off and y/n visibly slumps in relief.

"Just try to keep your phone near you tomorrow. I'll try not to need you bu-" "I'll be there if you need me. Thanks for switching things up for me" y/n says cutting Liz off and she sighs. 

"The fact that you're leaving me with this miserable lot on a show night is inconvenient but you've been working hard so go enjoy your time. We'll still see you at the show though right?" she confirms what we had talked about before and y/n nods.

"I'll put your name down for two tickets at the front" she says leaving y/n thanking her again before the two of us leave, throwing a goodnight over our shoulders on our way out.

"So two tickets huh? You bringing Alex?" I ask, addressing the elephant in the room and she hums, not giving me much to work with so I nod as we make the trek back to our rooms which happen to be right across from each other this time around.

"Are we okay?" I ask, hating the air that's settled between us making her look at me, utterly confused as to why I'm asking this. "Yeah...why wouldn't we be?" and I let out a sigh of relief yet I still don't fully believe her.

"I don't know. I feel like it got a little awkward between us back at the diner so I just wanted to double check" this is weird, I've never cared about stuff like this before. I usually just let the misunderstanding stew until things boil over or we eventually stop caring about it.

But not with her...I need to make sure that everything's alright.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow night yeah?" she asks, cutting the night short as we stop in front of our rooms while she fishes her room key out of her tote bag. I don't want to leave things like this between us. I want to spend more time with her, just to make sure that things really are okay.

"Do you-" I start off, making her turn to face me since she had already turned away to open her door. "Do you think you could introduce me to this Alex guy? Wanna make sure he's alright, you know? Can't have my girl hanging out with a loser now can I?" I tease and she smiles a little wider than I was expecting which somehow confuses me even more.

"I'll introduce you after the show" she agrees and I'm shocked that there's no push back about it. From the way she was responding to me earlier you would think that she wouldn't want to bring him anywhere near me. 

"I'll be the one in the spotlight" I smile and she rolls her eyes, 

"Goodnight Jungkook" she says and disappears into her room before I get a chance to reciprocate her sentiments.

"Goodnight y/n" I mumble, staring at the place she once stood before turning around and getting my key card out to open my room.

"Well that was pathetic" I hear Asher say as he makes his way down the hallway. Did I mention that we're sharing a suite...per usual? "Fuck off Ash" I grumble, opening the door and considering locking it behind me but I don't want y/n to hear us bicker.

"What? I'm just sayin" he holds his hands up in surrender but he's quick to back down since he knows how touchy I can get sometimes, especially after what Tyler pulled earlier tonight. "Yeah well don't" I say, walking through the common room and into mine.

"So who's Alex?" he asks, pushing a bit but I know he's just trying to talk me through all of this since I clearly need to. "Strings says he's a friend or something. She's bringing him to the show tomorrow night but that's all I really know" I say, taking off the rings and the rest of the jewelry I'm still wearing before kicking off my boots and getting a bit more comfortable.

"I thought she said she was single?" Ash says and I come out of my room and lay down on the couch, my mood getting worse and worse as this conversation progresses.

"Yeah I thought so too but she was smiling and giggling at her phone which I've never seen her do before so it makes me wonder..." I say, trailing off as Ash sits on the arm chair next to the couch, the set up to an onlooker resembling some sort of therapy session.

"So you're not gonna tell her?" he asks, his vague question making me sit up just enough the rest on my forearms. "Tell her what?" I ask and he rolls his eyes as if the answer was so obvious. "That you like her?" he says and I sit up completely, looking at him as if he had grown two heads.

"You're joking right?" I scoff and he shrugs his shoulders. "I saw it coming from a mile away dude. I'm surprised you haven't even admitted it to yourself yet" he says, getting up and taking his jacket off, throwing it on the bed and following suit in taking his jewelry and boots off too.

"I don't like her. I mean she's a friend and I like having her around but I do not have feelings for her" I deny, making my stance clear but it takes a lot of effort to actually say that and even when I get it out it feels as though I'm lying to him. I don't like her though...right?

"Whatever you say man" he says turning his shower on and walking back out to talk until the water heats up. "But from what I saw back there" he nods towards the door, the one just on the other side being to y/n's room. "It seems like you were about ready to tell her to not bring that guy to the show tomorrow night" he finishes and I shake my head.

"I think you've been watching too many dramas dude. Y/n and I are just friends, I'm just looking out for her" I explain and I watch as he puts a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "Keep telling yourself that...but don't forget to thank me later when you realize that I'm right" he finishes and heads into the bathroom without another word.

I scoff and head into my room to take a shower as well and wash off all the sweat and smoke that are no doubt stuck to my skin and try to let the memories of everything that had happened after the show wash away. 

The words that Asher said keep echoing in my mind though and I can't shake the fact that maybe he's right, leaving me analyzing and over analyzing everything about y/n and I.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night.

~~~~

"Rise and shine gorgeous" I hear Ash say, turning my lights on and casually tossing a pillow at me. "Fuck off" I groan and he laughs, the same old song and dance every morning that we're on tour. To be honest though, I'd prefer that over Tyler jumping all over my bed like the hyper active knucklehead he is and I especially prefer it over Zack abandoning me and leaving it to Liz to come wake my ass up. 

My ideal wakeup call would be Strings coming to get me but the last time she did I pulled her into bed and she retaliated, kicking and punching me until I let her go. After that there were no more wakeup calls from her, and even if there were she would opt for a tactic similar to Asher. 

"What time is it?" I groan, rolling around to grab my phone but of course it's dead. "It's eleven thirty. We need to leave in thirty minutes so we can head to the venue for rehearsal" he says and I hum in response, rolling out of bed and dragging my feet until I'm dressed and ready to head out.

~~~

"Alright everybody that's a wrap" Liz calls out after we've finished up rehearsal, the staff all clapping politely before heading out, only to return a few hours later for the show. 

We stumble into the green room like we did last night, slumping on the couches and resting after a good two hour rehearsal and my voice is shot to say the least. 

"You gonna be okay tonight?" Liz asks, handing off the hot cup of tea one of the venue staff gave her. "I just need to rest my voice for a while" I say and she places a hand on my shoulder, trusting me and going to address the rest of the guys.

"You guys sounded great today so I think we're all good to go for the show tonight. Anyone got any complaints?" she asks, knowing there's always something someone's gotta say. 

"Yeah, where's y/n?" Tyler asks making my ears perk up even though I know the answer already. "She's taking the day off but she's gonna be at the show tonight" Liz says and the group sighs, making her cross her arms over her chest. 

"Is that a problem?" she cocks her brow, daring someone to say something and the brave soul this time being Leo pipes up. "Well she just usually has all the food ready for us back here when we're done with rehearsals" he says, trailing off when he realizes how stupid his little comment is.

"Food's on it's way children. I swear people would think I starve you from the way that you're all acting" she mutters and pulls out her phone when a notification pops up. "But some of us didn't eat breakfast!" Tyler whines and she holds up her hand to silence him. 

"Not my fault that you slept through it" she finishes and leaves the room when her phone rings, no doubt another person asking her the millions of questions they might have about us and the next stops on our tour.

"Did you guys see y/n before she left this morning?" Leo sighs, slumping back into the couch, this conversation getting a lot more interesting now. 

"No" I respond, needing to know more about it. "She was wearing this flowy dress with her hair and makeup done. She looked...girly" he says and Asher chuckles. "I mean she is a girl" he teases but Leo keeps going. 

"Well yeah I know, but she never dresses like that. As far as I knew her whole wardrobe consisted of converse, jeans, baggy hoodies and our band tshirts. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen her wearing makeup before" he says and I roll my eyes. 

"You obviously don't pay enough attention to her" I mumble and I know I've fucked up as soon as those words left my mouth. "And you do?" Zack asks, clearly way more interested in the conversation than he was moments ago. 

"I mean yeah, cuz we're friends" I say, grabbing a water bottle off the table and chugging half of it and I watch with horror as they exchange knowing glances between each other. "Right... friends" Leo says, clearly unconvinced.

"So you guys really were on a date last night huh?" Tyler asks, clearly getting the memo as to why I've always denied his suggestions of hooking up with some of the girls from our shows. 

At least he'll give up on that mission now but he's got another one in mind without even trying to find it.  

"No, she just took me there so I could get away from your nosy ass for a while" I say to him and he scoffs as if he was offended when he knows damn well what he did.

"Makes a lot of sense now that I think about it. You guys have been getting pretty close this time around. I guess I never really thought that you would be into a girl like her" he continues and the more I come to defend her the more obvious it is to everyone how I feel about her. 

"Oh yeah? And what kind of girl is she?" I say, gearing up to tell him off since she's not here to do it herself. All of us knowing that she wouldn't accept any of our help no matter how stupid he's acting. 

I would say out of all of us the two of them are the one's who have a clearly fabricated sibling rivalry. 

Although everyone of us fights with him every once in awhile. It's never anything deep but he tends to jump at being annoying as hell at any opportunity that arises.   

"Well a little bit more on the boyish side in terms of fashion, up until I saw her this morning. Kind of standoffish at times, nags all of us" He lists off and I honestly can't deny that that's the way she comes off but the fact that it's Tyler talking about her behind her back bugs me. 

"That's because that's her job" I come to her defense which makes all of them smile wider. "Whatever, fuck you guys" I grumble, admitting defeat this time since I want them to stop looking at me like that. 

"So that's why you're stressed about her bringing a date to the show tonight huh?" Leo chimes in and I scoff. "It's not a date, according to her they're just friends" I say, not believing a damn word of it.

"You know this is her hometown right?" Zack chimes in, connecting all the dots now. "It is?" I ask for confirmation just in case they're fucking with me. "You think he would've known that by now" Leo taunts, gaining a glare from me.

"We don't talk about stuff like that" I say, trying to figure out some sort of excuse as to why I haven't bothered to ask her a simple question like that. Makes me feel like shit honestly. Some friend I am. 

"And what do you talk about?" Tyler asks, teasing me again. "Everything...nothing, can we change the subject?" I ask nicely, choosing a different tactic this time but it's no use. 

"You sure you don't like her?" Leo asks leaving me shaking my head.

"Nope" I deny.

"She's just a friend yeah?" Zach chimes in. 

"Yep just a friend" I say getting up to make some more tea to hopefully help me relax after this inquisition.  

"So you wouldn't mind if I asked her ou-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll chop your dick off" I cut off Tyler, surprising even myself with how quickly I responded

"Right, friends" He smirks, satisfied with how he got me to pretty much admit it with the other guys as his witnesses.

"You better make a move dude otherwise when the tour is over and she comes back home she's gonna end up with that Alex guy" Zack says, patting me on the back like he always does and yet I'm still never prepared for it,  stumbling and almost dropping the cup of lukewarm tea I was planning to refresh but honestly all I feel like having now is a stiff drink.

I open the door to the green room and head out with Asher planning to follow after scolding the guys but I bump into the person that was coming in. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close before she falls and as a result we're met with a bunch of 'ooos' and 'awwws' from all the guys but I can't be bothered to shut them up yet.

"I'm sorry I should've paid more attention to where I was going" I apologize to the woman in my arms and it takes me a second to realize that it's y/n. "Strings?" I question and she rolls her eyes, pushing against my chest and stepping back, putting some much needed space between us from her perspective. 

"A girl changes up her appearance for one day and suddenly she's unrecognizable" she mumbles and pushes past me and into the green room with me immediately trailing behind her, forgetting what I had planned to do mere moments ago. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you had the day off" Leo asks the question all of us clearly want the answer to. "Liz told me that one of you guys weren't feeling well and asked me to bring over some cough medicine" she says, holding up the bottle of said medicine. 

"Look at that JK, she came all the way here to give you some medicine so you'll feel better tonight" Leo taunts and I make a motion to show that if he keeps on running his mouth he'll regret it. He's not a vocalist so he wouldn't mind if I knocked a few teeth out of his mouth now would he?

"Of course it's you" she says, turning around and shoving the bottle towards me, clearly in a rush to get out of here. "I told you you were gonna get sick" she scolds, Tyler's description of her coming back to me after witnessing it myself. 

A white flowy dress with a matching white bag and sandals is what I'm met with, a casual but appropriate look for a spring day but she shoves me, stopping me from checking her out as it seems that I had been doing it longer than what would be considered even semi appropriate. 

"Come on Jeon I don't have time for this. Take your medicine and get back to the hotel so you can rest. We can't afford to cancel last minute so hurry up" she says, checking her phone and glancing over at Asher. 

"Can I trust you to make sure he does as he's told?" she asks, one hand on the door already to leave so he nods, assuring her he'll take care of it. "See you at the show" she says over her shoulder to no one in particular as she walks out of the club with all of the guys yelling out their various goodbyes to her.

"What's with her?" Leo asks, all of us caught off guard by her behavior since she's usually not this rough with us, at least not for something like this. She takes on the care giver role when any one of us is sick so this harsh treatment kinda threw all of us for a loop. 

"She's probably just irritated by the fact that Jungkook was clearly undressing her with his eyes" Tyler jabs and I glare, the only sort of response I have the energy to give at the moment with him granting me a sickeningly sweet smile. "Fuck off" I grumble, my frequently used phrase when it comes to him. 

I open up the meds that she gave me and take them real quick, cringing at the disgusting taste making Leo chuckle. "We should probably get you back to the room tho. Doctor's orders and all" Asher says, grabbing his jacket, phone and wallet while doing the same for me. "I feel like shit anyways so there's no point in hanging around here anymore" I grumble and take my jacket from him. 

"You guys are just running away because you're scared of y/n huh?" Tyler taunts and I roll my eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" I grumble and he laughs, leaving me scoffing and walking out to head to the car. 

"You gonna be alright tonight?" Asher asks while we wait for them to bring the car around, him having hung back for a couple of seconds to grab the medicine that I stupidly left on the table back there. "Yeah I just need to lay down" I sigh and slump into the car when Asher grabs the door for me and I give him a small nod in thanks. 

He rounds the car and gets in on the other side and within the next ten or fifteen minutes we're back at the hotel again, trudging through the hallway to our room. 

"You good?" Asher asks again to the point where it's starting to annoy me. "Yes Ash, for the love of God yes I'll be fine" I scold and he holds his hands up. "Alright alright I'll stop. Do you want anything for lunch? I'm gonna check and see if Liz can get one of the staff to get us something. Or we can just order room service?" he offers and I go with my gut on this one. 

"I don't care just get me some chicken soup or something please? I need to get this shit out of my system asap and I don't think I can stomach anything other than that" I say, dragging my feet into my room and tossing my shoes and jacket off before getting in bed. 

"You're really that sick huh?" He asks, leaning against the doorframe and seeing how my state has gotten worse since we left. "Yes I am so can you go order food and leave me alone?" I say and he shakes his head. "I'm sorry I just feel like shit right now" I reiterate and he hums in acknowledgment. "I know" he says and pushes his weight off the frame and turns to leave. 

"Sweet dreams sleeping beauty. I'll wake you up when the food gets here" he says before closing my door behind him and I sigh, happy to be alone so I can pass out for a while...and pass out I do. 

~~~~~

Once we've finished eating and I'm starting to feel better Ash starts talking about y/n again.

"So are you gonna tell her?" he asks after cleaning up. "Tell her what?" I groan, not wanting to suffer through this but knowing that if I at least tell him he can tell the other guys for me so they'll hopefully hop off my dick about this. 

"That you like her" he says and I sigh, the conversation being a twin to the one we had last night. "I don't know" I mumble and he nods his head. "You probably should just in case this whole Alex thing goes any further" he offers up. 

"It just sucks because I'm just barely starting to realize that I like her because I've been put in this situation where I could potentially lose my chance with her if I don't tell her tonight. Who knows, she could've been talking to this guy this whole time and I just assumed that she was single since she's always been so focused on our band and the tour. I mean, I can't even keep a stable relationship going with all the shit we have to do" I say and he sighs.

"That was because of her. Not you" he says, him being the only one I let talk freely about Sage. "I know" I rub my temples, trying to coax this low grade headache away before it gets any worse. "Take the time that you have left to think about it and I'll tell the guys to back off, even if that means putting a muzzle on Tyler" he jokes and I scoff.

"Can't we permanently muzzle him?" I grumble and he laughs. "I'll take it up with Liz. If anything we can get him a shock collar or something and give him a couple volts every time he pisses us off" he offers up and the image alone makes me smile. "Keep the remote far away from me otherwise we might end up with a barbecued bandmate" I joke.

"Noted" he chuckles, "I'm not gonna tell you that you have to tell her but if I were you...I would" he sighs and gets up to finish getting ready to go to. 

Should I really tell her?

~~~~~~

As we make our way through the backdoor of the venue and into the green room again we're given our outfits and the rundown one last time. 

"Okay, everyone know what they need to do?" Liz asks, the staff having joined us for this little pow wow and everyone looks at one another and nods, all of them more or less having an understanding of what's expected of them. 

"Alright guys thank you very much. I need people to double and triple check that the mics and speakers are ready but other than that if you have any questions feel free to ask me or the owner and if you see y/n in the crowd try not to bother her. It's her night off so let's just treat her like a normal ticket holder. Okay?" Liz finishes and the nerves of seeing y/n tonight and potentially telling her how I feel all come back.

"You okay?" Ash asks, having noticed how I've tensed up a bit and I nod, breathing deep and relaxing my body as best as I can. If only it was that easy to relax my mind...

"You guys ready to go? Any last minute wardrobe malfunctions or bathroom breaks?" Liz asks, her tone being a little softer with us this time around since y/n isn't here to ease the burn. "Yeah I think we're good" Zach says, nodding his head after assessing the group for a second and she takes that as her answer, not having time to check up on all of us individually. 

"I've gotta get going but break a leg...not for real this time" she says, backpedaling and narrowing her eyes at Tyler who sheepishly scratches the back of his head. "Got it" he mumbles and after a second or two of her making sure he's understood she's out the door without another word.

"So y/n-" "We're not talking about y/n unless Jungkook brings her up alright?" Asher says, cutting Tyler off before he can say anything to piss me off but everything has got me on edge tonight. "Bu-" "Tyler, leave it alone" Zach warns and the subject is dropped, with Zach's word being law per usual and this time I'm thankful for it.

"Let's just focus on the show like we always do" Asher says, breaking up the tension and reminding us that there are more important things in play here. "Right" Tyler mumbles and soon we're walking on stage. 

The roar of the crowd hitting us like it always does with the high being just as good as it always is but it's paired with something different this time and I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing.

~~~~

As the set plays on I finally catch just a glimpse of her in the crowd, her cheeks flushed and her eyes glassy, the heat and alcohol being the culprit but the smile on her face is so much freer and genuine, a sight I've only seen a few times and when the song we're performing comes to a close I whisper in Ash's ear to see if we could switch things up.

"Do you think we're ready?" I ask, hoping he thinks we are and when he gives the guys a look they all know, all of them passing on the message so we're all in sync. "Yeah we're ready, you sure you wanna play it though?" he asks, hesitant since the crowd reaction to this switch up is unpredictable but I can't shake the feeling that now is the time that this song was made for and so I nod, the guys go quiet waiting for me to introduce this next song.

"So this one isn't something you guys have heard before but it's one that's been stuck in my head since I wrote it" I say and I watch as the crowd all turns to each other, buzzing with excitement of hearing an unreleased track. 

"It's one that's meant a lot to me but I didn't really know why..." I continue and I can tell that they're even more invested now, some of them clearly waiting with bated breath. 

"I know my words seem cryptic but I hope that the right person will understand" I end and the murmurs through out the crowd continue, looking left and right to see who I might be talking about...but now I know, I know who she is.

'We never met but she's all I see at night' I start, the strong chords of the guitars and the crisp beats on the drums add power, the crowd cheering at the opening line already.

'Never met but she's always on my mind'  and as the lyrics continue I see y/n's brows furrow in confusion, knowing that this song wasn't on the setlist, the sound being familiar to her nevertheless.

'Wanna give her the world and so much more' I continue, locking eye contact with her when she realizes my eyes have never left her.

'Who is my heart waiting for'  I sing and the roaring of the crowd brings me back, the first verse drawing my attention back to the fact that I'm still performing. My eyes glance over at her whenever they can and I can see I look of confusion but she sings along and enjoys it with the crowd, not knowing if she's reading my signs correctly. 

I focus back on performing, the excitement and reaction from the crowd being something greater than I've experienced in a while. This being our encore tour with no new songs added but I couldn't hold onto it, not tonight.

'I'll take her places they ain't found yet, I'll put it all on the line'  I continue, my intentions and understanding behind the chance of pursuing her conveyed in the song without me even trying. 

Had I really been writing this about her?

'Is she someone that I see everyday?'  I sing, purposefully looking for her in the crowd but when my eyes land on her I see her looking down at her phone and then looking around, making my heart sink at the thought of her not seeing the importance of this.

'Is she someone a thousand miles away?' I continue, turning my attention back to performing and when the mantra of the song plays all the instruments cut out except for the drums and the rest of the guys direct the crowd to clap along with the beat.

'Who is my heart, heart waiting for?'  is chanted over and over until we finally kick back into the chorus, a high note I've been dying to sing live being something I fall a little short of in hopes of finding her but to the untrained ear being something you couldn't catch.

'Wanna give her the world and so much more' I sing, coming to a close and finally my eyes meet hers again. 

'Who is my heart waiting for?'  I end, the crowd's reaction of jumping and shouting in excitement makes me lose sight of her again showing me that I should really try to focus on the performance but all I want to do is run to her.

I turn back towards the crowd and thank them right along with the rest of the band and luckily we're able to take a break since I managed to time it perfectly with the intermission and as always we all tumble back into the green room. 

We all reach for the waters laid out for us and down them in entirety, the stage lights feeling so much hotter tonight but I know deep down that it was the nerves that got me feeling like this, just the sight of her making my heart race. 

How have things changed so rapidly from me being able to be close to her without a care in the world to me in shambles from just being in her presence. I'm not able to mull over that thought for long as I watch Liz come in behind us. 

"Great first half guys but why the hell didn't you tell me you were playing that song? That's not coming out for weeks!" she says, her half praise, half scolding manner being hard to decipher but when I try to own up to it Tyler takes the blame. 

"It was my idea. I wanted to keep the attention of a girl I saw in the front row that had been making eyes at me" he says, the statement not being true but I'm sure he still did use the opportunity to his advantage. 

"You've got plenty of other songs that make the girls go wild for you so just stick to the setlist next time, got it?" she says, addressing all of us since we all literally played a part in it and so we accept her scolding with promises to never do it again. 

"Anyways Jungkook you've got a visitor" she says and I'm perplexed, her never allowing anyone to come back here especially in the middle of a show but when she opens the door and y/n comes into view I quickly take her hand and pull her outside into that same parking lot we had been in just last night, not wanting an audience for this.

"What are you doing?" she asks, dragging her feet now that we're out, not wanting to be pulled along any more but I want to make sure we're out of earshot, the thought of future teasing being painful enough as it is so I just want some privacy even if it's just for this one moment now. 

"I just wanted to talk...alone" I say and she nods her head but we stand there in silence until both of us try to say something but I encourage her to go first. 

"You guys sound amazing tonight" she says and I wordlessly thank her since I can tell she's got more to say. "That song um...I thought you guys weren't done with it yet" she says, bringing up the obvious elephant in the room and the cause of the tension between us. 

"We are, we just weren't sure if we wanted to release it as a single or as part of the next album. Liz wants to kill us for spoiling it...but it felt like it was something I needed to do" I admit and she nods her head and looks down at her shoes. 

"You said that the song meant a lot to you but you weren't sure why?" she asks, repeating the words I had said on stage and I nod, waiting for her to complete her thought. "So what's changed?" she asks, the opportunity to do what I had planned to being handed to me so after taking a deep breath I finally just go with what feels right. 

"I've never thought of myself as a romantic guy or one that has a way with words but when it comes to song writing things just feel different. That song felt like I was calling out to something...well someone that I didn't have but was longing to meet. Which is pretty obvious from the lyrics huh?" I say, nervously proving my point.

"What I'm trying to say is that I've found my 'Who' so to say, but I'm not sure if it's right of me to say this already since I've only realized recently" I admit and she smiles. 

"Recently being...?" she asks, her tone being laced with amusement. "Yesterday" I answer truthfully and she laughs, confusing me. 

"This isn't funny" I scoff but it only makes her laugh more, the tips of my ears going pink but I can't deny that her laugh is one of my favorite sounds. "I'm sorry I'm sorry, go on" she says, stifling back her laughter and waiting for me to continue. 

"You're insufferable" I huff which only amuses her more. "And yet here you are confessing your love to me" she says, connecting the dots before I have a chance to and I'm left there speechless, neither confirming nor denying her suspicious which makes her start to doubt herself. 

"Unless that's not what you're doing...?" she asks tentatively, disheartened at the thought of misreading all of the signs I sent her. "No, it is" I murmur, making her smile again, my heart skipping a beat like a love sick school boy.

"So you like me?" she asks and I have no choice but to nod my head, still unsure of myself but I needed to admit it. 

"I know it's selfish of me to say this since you have a new guy in your life so if you don't feel the same way I understand" I say, not wanting to pressure her into it, "I just wanted you to know" I whisper and when she tilts her head in confusion I start to second guess myself. 

"New guy?" she asks, scrunching her brows together, the reaction endearing. "Yeah, Alex?" I say tentatively since I feel as though something is definetly wrong here. "Oh! Oh, Alex. Right" she nods her head but I'm still very much confused about her reaction. 

"You should probably come inside" she says nodding towards the building and so I suspiciously follow her, this unknown Alex no doubt waiting inside but when all I see is the addition of another girl inside that the guys are all crowding around I know now that my suspicions were very very wrong.

"Alright guys give her some room" y/n says and pulls the girl away from the very engaging conversation she seemed to be having, granting y/n with a pointed glare but she ignores it. 

"Jungkook meet Alexis" she says and the girl I now know as Alexis cringes. "Ew don't call me by my government name" she protests making y/n shake her head but Alexis, I mean Alex's vibe changes up completely once she addresses me, an almost nervousness taking over her but I guess it kind of is a given when you meet someone famous. 

"Hi Jungkook it's really nice to meet you. Y/n has told me so much about you" she says holding out her hand for me to shake which I do but my eyes are now turned towards y/n who has face palmed at her friends admission. "Oh yeah? Does she talk about me all the time?"

"I mean, well, she might've mentioned you once or twice" Alex quickly backtracks, chuckling nervously when she makes eye contact with y/n as she's giving her a glare that clearly screams 'stop talking' which I can't help but chuckle about. 

"I'm just gonna go over here, um you guys have fun" Alex says and politely excuses herself in favor of going to talk to the guys again who have amusedly been watching our exchange. 

"Once or twice?" I smirk when we're finally back in our own little world. "Shut up" she hisses and punches my arm leaving me wincing in pain. "I didn't know you would get so violent when you're embarrassed" I tease gaining me another punch on the other arm to even it out. 

"Okay okay I'm sorry I give up" I hold my hands up in surrender making her cross her arms over her chest, still not convinced but putting her guard down a little bit nonetheless. 

"So you like me too then huh?" I say unashamedly, the way her friend alone gave a few subtle hints at that making me confident in my perception. "I never said that!" she counters but her defensive nature is adorable at best. 

"You didn't have to" I say and when she tries to punch me again I grab her wrist before she can make contact and bring it up to my lips, placing a kiss on the inside of it, feeling her elevated pulse through her skin.

"I could think of a better way to expel that energy princess so why don't you hold off on that anger until after the show" I tease and from her many blinks and open mouth at my suggestive wording it's apparent that she got the message.

"I could report you for sexual harassment" she says through gritted teeth, her cheeks no doubt heating up in embarrassment. "It's not harassment if you enjoy it" I say placing another kiss on her wrist which she quickly rips out of my grasp making me chuckle. 

"Better get back to the crowd otherwise you won't be able to see my pretty face anymore" I taunt and she scoffs and goes to storm out but stops, stomping over to where Alex and the guys are, ripping her away from them again leaving the boys as the ones protesting this time and seconds later slamming the door behind them.

"So?" Asher asks, the other guys engaging in a conversation that no doubt revolves around Alex making me sigh in thanksgiving, glad I don't have to confront all of them at once. "She hasn't said it...but she basically did" I shrug, acting as if it's no big deal but praying that this show will wrap up sooner rather than later.

"Told you" he says and gives me a friendly punch in the arm. "Yeah yeah I know I should believe you more often" I sigh and rub the area he abused. "So what are you gonna do?" he asks, now bringing the reality of the situation back around. 

"All I know is I don't wanna mess this up" I say and he nods, placing his hand on my shoulder to give me silent encouragement but leaves me with my thoughts a few seconds later leaving me grabbing some water and a shot or two to calm the nerves before we're back on stage.

~~~~

The rest of the show is a blur but thankfully from the crowd's reaction it seems as though they're enjoying it leaving me feeling fulfilled once we wrap up for the night. 

After the crowd has slowly dissipated and I find it safe to go out and walk around I search the venue on the hunt for a certain girl that's been running around my head for the past twenty four hours.

I duck my head into a few unlocked rooms and even some closets but come up empty handed, thankfully not stumbling upon some people hooking up inside of them but who am I to judge?

"Looking for someone?" I hear her playful voice behind me, calming whatever nerves I felt before confronting her after everything that was said...and sung. 

"Maybe" I say, turning around to face her and leaning up against the wall behind me leaving her doing the exact same across from me in this narrow hallway, away from prying eyes. "Just maybe?" she asks and I chuckle. 

"No use looking for someone that I already found" I admit making her bite her bottom lip in a seemingly unnoticeable way unless you were staring at her lips...which I am.

"You guys played a really good show tonight. I'm proud of you...well all of you" she says, backtracking a little in favor of being shy making me smile. "Thanks, means a lot Strings" I say in a huskier voice than I had planned on, her physical reaction quick but noticeable at this proximity. 

"You nervous?" I cock my head leaving her going into a defensive state. "Why would I be nervous?" she asks, looking away and further proving my point, giving me a clear view of the expanse of her neck, temping me oh so innocently to mark her as my own. 

"Oh you know, a fan can get a little intimidated talking to their favorite rockstar" I say, pushing off the wall and taking the few steps that separate us, resting my hand up against the wall, the proximity between us clearly one that would be shared between lovers. 

"You're not just some rockstar" she counters, straightening up her posture and in turn making the space between her lips and mine all the more smaller. "No...I'm not" I say, my eyes shamelessly staring at her lips before dragging them back up to her eyes. 

"Have you thought about what I said?" my warm breath fanning her face making her shiver, goosebumps clearly visible from the sleeveless nature of this now black fitted dress, a dichotomy to the one she wore earlier. 

She hums in acknowledgement, her eyes now the ones flickering down to the way my lips curve around the words making the corner of my mouth turn up.

"And?" I ask, her silence driving me insane, the torture of finishing the show alone making me impatient beyond belief. "And?" she echoes, her coy nature making me chuckle dryly. "You're not gonna say anything?" I ask, my nose nudging against hers, playing a dangerous game before she's even given in. 

"You said I didn't have to" she counters, referring to our previous conversation backstage. "I did, didn't I?" I scoff and she hums again, clearly amused with this push and pull between us. 

"So if I were to want to do this..." I ask, moving impossibly close, to the point of where if I moved my lips ours would surely touch. "Would you stop me?" I ask just above a whisper leaving her eyes fluttering closed and her lips parted slightly giving me my answer. 

"Guess not" I chuckle before pressing my lips against her's in a bruising kiss that leave both of us gasping for breath afterwards. 

"I've been wanting to do that for so fucking long" I murmur against her lips making her smile. "I thought you only just realized you liked me yesterday?" she points out again. 

"Just because I only realized my feeling for you yesterday doesn't mean that I didn't want to kiss you before then" I say making her eyes open up in surprise leaving me chuckling and pushing off the wall, taking her hand in mine and walking towards the venue exit. 

"Wait, where are we going?" she asks, her swollen lips and breathless state making me want to do something that I know I shouldn't making me bite back the original response I had in mind. 

"Back to the hotel" I say, giving the obvious answer and she goes quiet at that, unsure of what exactly lies ahead but her stronger grip on my hand once she's come around to the idea makes me smile. 

~~~~~

I wanna pull that rockstar shit on her. I want to give into those desires that both of us are clearly craving but she's different. She deserves more than just a lust filled first time together, I want to do this right so when I kiss her goodnight and turn to head back to my room she pulls me back with a puzzled look on her face. 

"What are you doing?" she asks, her brows furrowed together in confusion, almost asking if she had done something wrong. I sigh and come back to her, placing my hands on her hips and resting my forehead against her's. 

"I don't wanna go too fast" the admission something I hadn't planned on but the need to quell her worries being more important than my vulnerability. "Why?" she asks, her fingers lacing through my hair to hold me close, making my resolve crumble just a bit. 

"You're worth more than that. You're worth more to me..." I say the last part a little quieter, hoping my genuine intentions comes out from the change in tone. 

"You're too sweet for your own good Jeon" she giggles making me let out a breath, happy that she isn't taking this the wrong way. 

"I may be a rockstar but I'm a romantic at my core" I say just to make her laugh more which works as she decides to burry her face into my neck to stifle her laughter. "Please don't ever say that again" she chuckles, her laughter slowly dying down. 

"Why not?" I ask, my grip on her hips the slightest bit tighter to bring her focus back to me. "Because it's gonna taint your whole discography with cringe, that's why" she teases making me tongue my cheek. 

"You know I have half a mind to put you in your place for that smart mouth of yours" I growl making her shiver at the thought, her lip caught between her teeth again making me drag it down before rubbing my thumb along it, pulling it back when I can see that she's contemplating putting it in her mouth just to egg me on. 

"But I won't" I say and pull away leaving her groaning in frustration, the look on her face priceless. "Come on" she groans further, crossing her arms over her chest making her cleavage look all the more tempting. 

"Let me take you out on a few proper dates first Princess" I chuckle leaving her angrily muttering to herself as she turns to unlock her hotel room. "What was that? Couldn't quite hear you" I taunt, taking a few steps back over to her. 

"I said this was a waste of a dress" she repeats, her angered look adorable. "And why's that sweetheart?" I tilt my head, thoroughly amused by her frustration with me. "Because I hadn't planned on being the one who would take it off tonight" she says and unlocks her door before opening it and slamming it in my face. 

I can't help but smirk at her efforts to get me into bed with her tonight, her embarrassed confession endearing. "Sweet dreams Strings" I say through her door hearing what I can only assume is a pillow hitting it with a soft thud in retaliation. 

"You're gonna have your hands full with that one" Asher says, popping up out of nowhere scaring me half to death. "Don't do that" I growl and push past him into our open hotel room door that he just came out of. "You guys were the one's that were making a lot of noise. I just wanted to come and enjoy the show" he laughs, shaking his head and closing the door behind us.

"Yeah well better get used to hearing some other kinds of noises from us soon enough" I taunt making him cringe at the thought. "Maybe now Liz will finally let me get my own room" he rolls his eyes leaving that as his final goodnight.

I flop down on the couch in our shared living room and stare up at the ceiling, trying to figure out if this was the best plan of action. The ghost of a feeling of her lips on mine and that alluring look she had been giving me after the show makes me grit my teeth, trying to block the memory.

I get a text seconds later though from Strings knocking me out of my train of thought and smashing me into another one when I open the image of her taking a picture of her reflection. Her dress now discarded leaving her bare torso exposed but the picture only affords me an image of her back, the thoughts of what else she's purposefully hiding from me making my pants grow tight. 

'Careful Strings' is all I manage to type out, my willpower waining as seconds pass waiting for her response. 

'You knew from the beginning I was never a careful one'  she sends putting a new connotation on the name 'Strings'.

'I'm really trying to be a gentleman right now but you're testing my patience' I respond, getting up and pacing back and forth, weighing the pros and cons of what might come of this if I give in. 

'I never asked you to be a gentleman' she replies making me groan in frustration, her tactics of temptation were not ones I had expected to have this big of a pull on me. 

'Be a good girl Strings and let me treat you right. You'll get what you want. Just wanna take my time with you' I send back, hoping that'll keep her at bay and for the moment it does but when I try to stand up and get ready to pass out she's sending me another message that makes me chuckle.

'Can you at least come over here so we can kiss for a little bit? :(' she's fucking adorable. A temptress but adorable nonetheless.

'No Strings, we both know that it won't end in just kissing' I send back and she just replies with an angry face as expected. 

'Goodnight Princess x' I send back and lock my phone, tossing it on my bed and getting out of these clothes so I can take a shower, smiling to myself and thinking about seeing her again.

I want to do right by her and no matter how sulky she might get but we both know that 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' or whatever that Shakespeare dude said. 

In this case meaning I want her to be putty in my hands and begging for it by the time I give in. 

'Just a couple of dates Jungkook. You can wait that long' I coach myself after a notification pops up telling me she sent me some more pictures but it leaves me debating on if I should or shouldn't look but I ultimately lose the battle and open our conversation. 

My fingers tighten around my phone as she sends me more pictures, still not completely nude but close enough to make my dick rival the wants in my brain, almost tipping me over the edge.

'Behave!' is all I manage to get out before I strip my clothes off and get in the shower, leaving my phone behind but the images of her imprinted on my mind are enough to make this shower a lot longer than intended.

I guess Asher is right, I really am gonna have my hands full. 

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @coralmusicblaze @whoa-jo @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater Taglist continued in the comments 💜

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[l1v1ngd3dgrrl]

Tulpar crew: Least to most likely to have an Alternative (Goth) Partner. [HC's]

AN: No one asked for this, this is purely my thoughts alone. (And yes when i said all I mean ALL...Minus Polle duh.) Please behave yourselves I'm BEGGING you

CW(S): Slight UNINTENTIONAL fetishization of Goth women (it's brief and no it's not Jimmy's doing. It's a reference to a meme, it'll make sense when you read it.)

MDNI banner: cafekitsune

Curly [Least]

I can hear your gasps behind the screen (I'm sorry!)

He doesn't mean it maliciously! I feel like he wouldn't like..Actively seek out a goth BUT he would date (and or marry) one if the chance presents itself.

doesn't really get the fashion aspect, but does like some bands (I can see him liking some of The Cure)

Swansea

Have zero clue when this man was born, or when Mouthwashing takes place. All I know is he's old (not like super old but old y'know)

..I don't think he's ever met a goth? Maybe like once and they were someone younger than him.

Finds the more 'traditional' goth looks annoying in a sense. Whaddya mean you did all that for some fashion?

Another person I can see liking very few goth bands..maybe a song or two. He can't tell you the name of the songs or what bands it is, but if you put on a song that he likes he'll kind of bop his head to it.

Daisuke

Honestly It's hard to pin point his type, based on in game dialogue he likes hot women (who doesn't) and since ones definition of hot varies who knows what he's into.

now me personally... I see him as a straight man BUT for the sake of this list he plays for all teams m'kay?

Similar to Curly I don't think he actively seeks out Goths, but if you two get along and you happen to be goth then yeah.

Would be the type to post "Need me a big tiddy goth gf" as a JOKE, he's joking i swear guys pLEASE. (you cannot tell me that he wouldn't have some stupid shitpost account on instagram or something.)

If it upset you he's taking it down and apologizing over and over and over.

If you think it's funny it becomes a joke between you two.

He canonically likes thrifting so he'd be down to help you find new pieces for your wardrobe (we love a supportive man)

Jimmy

Hear me out-

He does kind of view you as like an accessory, or like a trophy. if you don't dress 'goth' all the time he will view you as fake and not 'goth enough.'

HOWEVER, I do see him having some base knowledge about Alternative subcultures. (I saw a headcannon from curly-my-beloved and that's what made me think about putting him here)

During his high school years he probably considered himself Punk or something. Maybe had one Goth gf that dumped him in a really really messy breakup.

Unironically He would be the fucker to see someone wearing a band shirt and go "name 3 songs" or give you a pop quiz about the band, and call you a poser or fake fan.

I can see him liking some Type o negative, but he strikes me as a metal guy. Metallica/ Rob Zombie maybe? (Every man I've had the misfortune of crossing paths with who was obsessed with either have been the most insufferable dickheads to walk this earth. don't get me started ughh.)

Anya

Firm believer that Anya is one of those goths who doesn't dress goth at all, but her entire playlist says otherwise.

Once in a blue moon she'll get all gothed up but with how busy she is with work and med school she doesn't have time for it.

I can totally see her being the most likely to have a goth partner.

You two share music recommendations often, and sometimes you get into squabbles about what band is considered goth or not. (with love of course)

she KNOWSS her subculture history. Ask her any question about the subculture and she's gonna give you a whole presentation on it.

[goatcheesecak3]

How about Adam x reader who were dating before the trap, maybe got into a fight, but Adam lives because that’s definitely what happened and they find each other.

Also ur NSFW hcs were good so feel free to sprinkle some spice if you see fit :)

Lost and found

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x gn!reader

Fic type: angst, fluff

Warnings: missing person, medically induced coma

A/n: hello!! Thank you for your request, it was such a cute idea!! There's no nsfw because I couldn't find a way for it to fit into this story, but while we're on the topic I just wanna give a message to anyone who saw my Adam nsfw hcs!! I originally posted the unfinished version by accident, but I've gone back and added more to them since! So make sure you're all caught up on those, in my very biased opinion they're extremely canon teehee :^) all can be found in my masterlist as usual

You and Adam had dated for two years before finally ending it about a month ago. The relationship was tumultuous to say the least, epic highs followed by epic lows. Being with Adam could be so wonderful at times, the way he kissed you like you were the only person in the world, the way he would have you folded in on yourself laughing. Your memory was filled with long nights spent talking and falling deeper and deeper in love. Adam was good with his words, which was a blessing and a curse- he could make your heart flutter just as easily as he could crush it. Arguments were frequent, and volatile, he always took things too far. Deciding that this was no way to live, with heavy hearts, the two of you called it quits.

You'd heard around from mutual acquaintances that he'd gotten into a pretty rough spot after the breakup, apparently he'd become some kind of stalker for hire? Like a private investigator but with absolutely no credentials or regard for his or anyone else's safety. It didn't exactly surprise you that he'd gone into a somewhat shady line of work, considering his lack of high school diploma there weren't really many options for him, you wished you could help, but you'd both agreed to keep your distance and move on.

One day however, you couldn't help but break the promise you'd made to yourself, and you asked about him. You'd run into his best friend, Scott at a video store, and despite all your restraint, the words tumbled out of your mouth:

"How's Adam been lately?"

"Pfft how should I know? I haven't spoken to that asshole since he totally bailed on my band photoshoot" Scott scoffed, rolling his eyes disinterestedly.

It wasn't like Adam to turn down paid work of any kind, so you decided to pry deeper,

"What do you mean? He just didn't show up?"

"Yeah, no call, no nothing. He hasn't spoken to anyone. Probably thinks he's too good for me and the guys now with his investigator bullshit, but lemme tell y-"

"Wait, he's actually doing that?! That's so dangerous, you don't think he's gotten himself into trouble do you?"

"I don't know, I got my own shit to worry about. Besides, no one bails on me and gets my sympathy. Scott Tibbs don't chase, baby." He said, all too loudly. You could practically see his ego bulging out of his head.

As you left the video store, the interaction played on your mind. After you and Adam had broken up, Scott was pretty much the only person in his life, and he didn't seem to give two hoots about Adam's wellbeing. Essentially, there wasn't a single person on earth who'd heard anything from Adam in the last week, and no one seemed to be trying to find him. You knew his family were estranged, and pretty much everyone else in his life were all acquaintances at best. If he was in trouble, it was up to you to help.

You headed to his apartment, just to see if he was home. Best case scenario he was, and you got some of your cds back, worst case.. well, you didn't wanna think about that.

You crept up the creaky mildewy staircase of his apartment complex until you reached his floor. Something in your gut felt wrong as you got closer to his door, something that you couldn't quite understand. It wasn't fear, it was overwhelming dread. You always thought there was a big difference between those two feelings; fear was wondering if something bad would happen, and dread was knowing in your heart that it would.

You knocked on his door and waited a beat. Nothing. For whatever reason, a voice in your head told you to try the door handle, and to your surprise, it was unlocked. Adam's apartment looked frozen in time, a half eaten bowl of mouldy noodles sat on his coffee table, an empty beer bottle next to it. Everything looked untouched. That was until your eyes made their way to the floor next to his closet- his camera. Smashed to pieces, and left strewn all over the floor. Your eyes darted up toward his redroom, which appeared to have been ransacked.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. You repeated over and over in your head like a mantra.

Your first thought was that someone he'd been stalking had caught him, followed him home to destroy any damning evidence, then deal with Adam.

Panic set in at this moment, as you rushed through his apartment, desperately hoping he was just passed out somewhere.

"Adam?! Adam?!" You cried out, to no avail.

Of course, the second you had regained enough composure to remember to do so, you called the police and filed a missing person's report. The next few days were filled with police interviews, cutting out and sticking the few pictures of Adam you had onto missing person's posters and plastering them all over the city. You handed them out to anyone who would take them, you gave them to all the venues and corner shops that Adam often went to, and you hounded the police relentlessly.

Sure, Adam was your ex, but my god how you had loved him, how you still loved him. You were the only person in his life who loved him, and you refused to give up.

After 6 never ending days, your phone rang. It was a call from the police.

"We've found a young man fitting Adam's description on the outskirts of the city. He's currently in the hospital in a medically induced coma while the staff tend to his injuries. As he is unable to identify himself at this time, we would greatly appreciate it if you could come down and identify him for us" the voice from the phone said.

This was like music to your ears, you tried not to get your hopes up, but you just knew it was him. It had to be, you could feel it in your heart.

As you stood by the bed of the man, you fell to your knees and wept. He was far skinner, his skin pale and almost translucent, his hair tangled and dirty- but there was no doubt about it, that was your Adam.

"That's him! That's my baby! Oh my god, that's my Adam!" You sobbed, clutching into the police office for support. He looked happy for you.

...

After a few days, Adam woke up. He was by no means in good shape, but he was alert, he was safe, and he was asking for you. He'd had to speak to police before he could have any visitors, but they'd assured him that you had done a great deal to help them find him, and he was touched.

"I thought I was gonna die in that room.."

"You probably would have, if y/n hadn't tried to find you"

"No one else reported me?"

The cop shook his head solemnly.

"Damn... I gotta see her, i- I gotta thank her,  i-"

He rambled like this for a while, until he was assured that you were able to come visit him.

...

"Hey, sugar" Adam smiled cockily, despite how weak he was.

You approached the chair next to his bed and reached down to stroke his face lovingly.

"That didn't sound very ex boyfriend of you" You teased.

"Aw come onnnn, I nearly die and you still don't want me back?" He whined, giving you a playful pout.

You chuckled and kissed his forehead,

"I basically saved your life, don't get greedy"

Adam's eyes narrowed, and he looked uncertain, "wait.. are you saying you actually don't wanna get back together?"

You rolled your eyes and pinched his cheek,

"Of course not dummy, I just like watching you squirm"

Adam mustered all of his strength to lift his arms and place his hands on your cheeks, pulling your face towards his.

"You're such a bitch" he mumbled against your lips with a smile

"You're a bitch" you giggled back.

The playful teasing went on for a while, until you were sat in a love filled silence, just holding eachother's hands. Adam was the first to break the silence.

"I'm a changed man, you know, y/n"

"Huh?"

"While I was in that room, you were all I could think about. I kept thinking about all the times I hurt you and I knew I needed to make it right. I made a vow to myself that i was gonna get out of there, and I was gonna get you back... and I was gonna love you the way you deserve to be loved. I'm gonna do that, y/n. I'm gonna prove I deserve to be with you, even if it takes a lifetime... which it probably will now that you basically saved my life"

"Yeah, it's gonna be pretty difficult to level that playing field" you smiled jokingly.

"I mean it, y/n," Adam said, his voice serious, "I promise I'm going to devote the rest of my life to loving you, it's the least I could do".

And several happy years later, he's kept that promise.

[hermitw]

Ainu appearance in JJK - Sukuna, tattoos, and the Inumaki clan (and Yaga Masamichi & bears)

A bit of background before we get more into it:

The Ainu (“human” or “people”) are an indigenous people in Japan native to the regions of Hokkaidō, Northern Tōhoku, and Karafuto, among others. As part of their ancestral tradition, Ainu women had the custom of getting tattoos on their bodies, including their lips. For the Ainu, the tattoo was perceived as a symbol of beauty, a talisman and an indispensable tool to prepare their body for after death. However, the traditional tattoo was legally prohibited by the Japanese government in 1871, in an attempt to force Ainu to follow a “Japanese lifestyle”. As the result, Ainu women reduced the use of tattoos on their bodies, progressively changing their concept of beauty and losing an important part of their ancestral tradition. 

https://dajf.org.uk/event/the-meaning-of-tattoos-for-ainu-women

…the Ainu people were stripped of their land, customs, and language in hopes that they would assimilate to Japanese culture. It wasn't until 1997 that this law was lifted and the Ainu people were allowed to practice their own customs again, but by that time, much of the damage was done. 

https://www.tofugu.com/japan/ainu-japan/

I am building off of this analysis about Sukuna's tattoos which I'd read before but just recently watched the linked yt vid and I'm 

Going insane bc the Ainu tattoo process involves slicing and burning (Sukuna's CT…) 

And the style looks a lot like sukuna's... in color, thickness, geometry... The focus of bands and circles, on the face and arms...

There is also resemblance to inumaki's marks. I wonder if that clan is related... Along with Sukuna, Wasuke (grandpa) and Yuuji Itadori, (and Heian Uraume) their hair is thick, wavy, above the shoulder, and lighter in color. I don't think we ever see Toge write - his preference for speaking could be another hint, with the Ainu language being spoken.

For the sake of staying focused and not spreading misinformation (iirc cursed speech users are supposed to be killed as soon as they're noticed), for now I'm thinking that the inumaki clan assimilated into Japanese culture, possibly hiding, denying, or forgetting their background - but most likely forced into submitting to jujutsu headquarters, who fear the inumaki clan, instead of considering them as one of the major 3. (the Ainu were not legally recognized as a people until 2018, so their rejection from jujutsu politics just seems to fit).

I've only found this photo of Sukuna's outfit irl (innate domain), but pretty much every Ainu character has the same piece in Golden Kamuy - and the colors are the same.

The Ainu language being polysynthetic makes it even more convincing that Sukuna intentionally addressed Gojo as husband.  

I wonder if sukuna preferred to use their CT for more peaceful, creative purposes (there were all those comments about slicing fish, the malevolent kitchen, not to mention their interest in flowers and poetry etc etc). 

The tattoos could have significance in preparing the body for death - which feels relevant, considering how they always show in any form Sukuna takes, and at times when Yuuji is still fronting (after eating a finger). 

They could be symbols of beauty, or coming of age. 

To go along with the trans Sukuna evidence - Ainu men grew beards, and the women got tattoos. 

The use of tattoos as a talisman is interesting - the way that Geto saw Gojo as his talisman, that Sukuna said “love is worthless”, the way that some of them look like eyes - which would give sukuna six eyes (and convinced me that jjk would end with Gojokuna). I wonder if it was partially out of hypervigilance, or to enhance observation - Sukuna's edge was the ability to analyze and adapt faster than anyone else.

They might have been a method of protection from trafficking. There is some historical evidence of enslavement. Forced assimilation and relocation certainly happened during Sukuna's lifetime.

The Ainu people were from the northeast island.

Iirc, Heian events of jjk were around Kyoto (I'll have to read again so pls correct me here) - or at least, Sukuna's appearances are not in Hokkaido, but further west.

As a side note, it was the northeast part of the sea where Momotaro was going to fight demons, which kenjaku (who I blame for history remembering sukuna as a demon) and Gojo (who always wanted to fight sukuna) mentioned… Idk if this has any connection, but I think about it (the theme of momotaro vs momotetsu, mainly).  

This mentions a means of preventing evil spirits from entering the body through the mouth. The same source has a historical timeline, up until today (which is interesting and worth reading):

I'll add this screenshot if you want a bit more Heian context:

Since their tattoos were criminalized in the Meiji era, we know less about the practice and significance now. There could have been a lot of style evolution over the hundreds of years since the Heian era. 

Some part of me wonder if Sukuna's tattoos were originally the bands with space in between (one more reason to prefer megkuna over true form), but were filled in later as a mark of ownership. Uro isn't a perfect reference with her CT, but she is always wearing that choker, which feels similar. Idk, the solid ones around true form Sukuna's wrists and ankles read like shackles to me. 

We know from that brief moment in JJK0 that Ainu sorcerers exist in-universe, and it sounds like they work separately from jujutsu headquarters - only contacted as a last resort. We don't get to know what their CTs are like, but I reread JJK0 looking for anyone with a burning or slicing CT during the parade. It doesn't look like the Ainu Jujutsu Society showed up, but there wasn't much in the manga compared to the movie.

This instrument (tonkuri) looks So Familiar (it sounds rly cool, the artist has more chill & acoustic music out also on bandcamp, soundcloud etc), I swear it was shown in the manga. (one more thing to look for on read 4… if anyone finds this, or has anything to correct or elaborate on, please go ahead). 

https://youtu.be/TI6nMOi0IoQ

Additional thoughts are the way that Sukuna's talk about the fish, slicing, mincing, plant identification etc etc it just. Idk if I'm reading too much into this but looking up Ainu foods are like??? Ok I see what you did gege.

Also, from the yt vid that drove me to look into this - Mayunkiki's introduction.

My name is Mayun Kiki. Mayun refers to the clanking sound of metal in Ainu, which is thought to be a noble sound in our culture.

Kiki means "scratching everywhere" and I was given this name as I have a habit of scratching myself.

The clanking sound of metal being noble...

And thank you to @thepersonperson for giving me so much to think about in all those meta analysis posts

Eta; Masamichi Yaga and bears (Panda)

The Ainu people worshipped bears, and at times sacrificed them to release the spirit. But first, the young bear is raised almost like a human child.

While Yaga has made a wide range of creatures, it is interesting that Panda is always sacrificing himself without hesitation, and that Yuuji spent the most time with the bear (i thought the green one, Kathy, is based on the Kappa).

So I can't say anything with certainty, but Yaga also has thick hair and deep-set eyes, and facial hair so... The way he worked with the bear spirit and raised Panda as his own child,, it's there right?

And in jjk0, Yaga made the call to contact the Ainu sorcerers - this is the only time we hear that name in the series (at least in the manga, I haven't finished the light novels yet).

One way that the Ainu were similar to the Japanese is in the way of religion. The Ainu, just like the Japanese people, were animists and believed that all things are inhabited by spirits known as kamuy. While there are many gods in Ainu belief, one of the most important is known as Kim-un Kamuy, or the god of bears and the mountains. All animals are thought to be the manifestations of gods on Earth in Ainu culture, however, the bear is believed to be the head of gods and is therefore known as kamuy, or "God."

Yaga being, by far, the leading expert on cursed corpse sorcery...

Traditionally, the Ainu sacrificed bears in order to release the kamuy within them to the spirit world. One tradition, called lotame, involves the raising of a young bear cub as if it were an Ainu child and then sacrificing once it has come of age.

Tell me this is not about Panda.

[snek-panini]

I actually didn't mean to let nearly two weeks go by since my last bookbinding post, but somehow time has just slipped away from me till now. For today we have a pretty simple one, though:

This is Postcards from Paris, by ghostrat, a story that I asked to bind way back at the beginning of May. It's a Good Omens human au, involving letters received by an unintended recipient and a long sequence of getting to know one another via writing. I love epistolary stories and wish they were more common both in and out of fandom, and this one's really soft. Like the whole last chapter makes me feel all rosy and warm. Go read it if you haven't, it's wonderful.

More photos and such under the cut!

The cover up there is chocolate lineco book cloth with blue metallic htv. Like with many of my small-sized binds, I tried to not buy anything specific to this one and instead make something coherent from what's already on hand, and that philosophy lent itself well here. The story's about getting to know someone with only the verbal impression of them, not even their voice but just the words they choose and their handwriting, and has a lovely feeling of being overwhelmed by their physicality when you finally meet in person, and I think the stripped-down feeling of the bind fits that theme. It's deceptively simple, and you won't realize how deeply you're in love with the story until after you've read it.

Top view, with blue ribbon bookmark, and slate-blue plain cardstock endpapers. I'm pleasantly surprised by how well all the blues match, considering the htv was bought for another project, the endpapers were bought in a multi-pack for another different project, and the ribbon probably was cut from the shoulder of a fancy shirt. I really would have liked to do custom blue-and-brown end bands, but at barely 80 pages the book's too short for that so it's got premade ones in black and white. The front hinge wouldn't behave when I cased it, so it's got that weird wiggly part and I don't know why. I've used this cardstock for endpapers before and never had that issue, so it's a bit of a mystery.

Interior photos. The stripped-down, simple philosophy persists. About the only theming I did was to choose a handwriting font for the larger text, which seemed appropriate for a story told in postcards.

Random interior of typeset. This thing has so many scene breaks, my god. I sincerely thought about picking two handwriting fonts and putting all the postcards in those. They would have been opposing ones so you could tell who was writing without the scene break lines, but it was too difficult to read at this font size and looked kind of messy, so I didn't. I always size down the font a little for quartos, because the full-size one I use for folios looks weird on a half-size page, but this is the only time I've found that decision working against me.

And that's that! As always, I hope I did the story justice with this bind. The designs feel right when I make them, and I hope others agree. I've still got two more books to post from this late spring batch, so those'll be up over the next week or two.

[moonyasnow]

🕯️✨~ HAPPY LUCIA ~✨🕯️

So if you didn't know, today, December 13th, is a Swedish holiday called 'Lucia'. It's dedicated to a saint, here known as Saint Lucia/Sankta Lucia, but in other parts of the world she's more well-known as Saint Lucy.

Christmas in general (called 'Jul' in Swedish, pronounced like 'Yule' just with less emphasis on the L sound) is quite a big deal here in Sweden. I've always joked that's because with how harsh and cold and dark the winters can be, people needed SOMETHING to look forward to. And Lucia is one example of that!

The general theme is that one person will be chosen to play Lucia, and then others are chosen for the other roles in the 'Lucia Train' as it's called, and those people will all practice songs which they'll then sing as they walk in procession to a pre-decided place, where they'll then stand and sing the rest of the songs.

The tradition started in the more Western parts of Sweden in the 1800s, with one of the very earliest Lucia celebrations dating to the year 1764 in a place a bit outside of a city known as 'Skövde'.

At first, when most people in Sweden were still farmers with their own farms, it started out as a day where the children of a family would put on the crown of candles you can see being worn by Lisle, here playing the role of 'Lucia' herself, and wake up early to give the parents breakfast in bed.

That's why almost all of them are wearing nightgowns! Since that's what the kids would have been wearing in the morning.

Sweden only adopted the Gregorian calendar in the 1700s, and before that time, still using the Julian calendar, December 13th was the darkest day of the year; in the Gregorian it's December 22nd. And so since a saint, or as we call them here in Sweden 'Helgon', also happened to be venerated on the same day, it just made sense to celebrate the coming of brighter times.

And December 13th was, in the old Norse 'Asa' religion (or 'Asatron'), that is to say the one including the Nordic gods like Odin (Oden) Thor and Loki (Loke), a dangerous night due to the darkness; a night where it was believed evil supernatural forces were out and about. And so All the lit candles in the celebration was also considered a way of protecting against it. And it was a feast day, meaning people got to eat more than usual.

I could go into more detail, but then we'd be here all day ;^^

So here's a link if you want to read more!

And here's one for the Swedish version which does include way more detail on the history, just be aware you'd need to use google's auto-translator, and a few words might not make complete sense.

Parts of the Lucia Train:

The first in the Lucia Train is, of course, Lucia. She can be recognized by the wreath crown adorned with candles that she wears. When kids do it, the crown is fake and made of plastic, with battery-driven lights, but when Lucia is done in Churches, the Lucia still has live candles in her wreath crown.

Lisle's head is not angled in a good way for this; if you were to copy his posture, you'd have candle wax in your hair very quickly.

It's also said the red band around Lucia's waist is supposed to represent her martyrdom.

There's a bit of a stereotype that only the popular girls get picked to be Lucia; kinda like how in places that have proms, only the popular girl becomes Prom Queen. It's basically always someone with long hair, too; usually long blonde hair.

In Swedish, it's pronounced: Loo - see - ah

The three behind Lucia in the train are called 'Tärnor', and it translates to something like 'maids/maidens'. They wear glitter in their hair, at least in the modern day, and instead of red bands they're supposed to wear glitter bands. But I forgot that when making Irina and then just settled on a 'fuck it, we ball' approach.

They carry a single candle in their hand. Sometimes, both Lucia and Tärnor can be at risk of passing out while singing, since the candles and singing both require so much oxygen, and the candles are so close to their mouth and nose.

Victor and Veronica here are dressed as Stjärngossar (1 Stjärngosse, many Stjärngossar) who are supposed to represent the three wise men in the Biblical story of Jesus' birth.

Pronounced: sch - ae - rn - goh - ss - é

And Tomoe and Spike are just dressed as a gingerbread woman (Pepparkaksgumma) and a Tomte

The Tomte was originally a 'väsen' (basically something that exists which is not human and could bring you harm, or be good to you, often depending on how you treated them. Many cultures around the world have similar concepts. A little bit like the Japanese 'yokai', or Celtic 'fae') a little guy who lived somewhere on the farm, like in the roof for example, and helped around the farm. So long as you left a bowl of porridge on the doorstep for him!

Although the modern concept of the 'Tomte' has basically just been mashed together with Santa Claus, and nowadays you say 'Gårdstomte' (something like 'estate tomte') if you're referring to the old variation of Tomte.

Gingerbread people and santa claus are obviously not part of the original Lucia train. But nowadays people like to dress up as them too, especially in kids' Lucia trains.

Pe - ppar - kahks - goo - ma

Or, for the masculine variant: Pe - ppar - kahks - goo - bbé

And Tom - teh

Songs:

Here are just a few of the songs you'd hear a Lucia train sing! My own personal favorites, mostly. But I do have links to the albums I got them from!

Album

Album

The 'Staffan' here, refers to Saint Stephen. A lot of saint have different names in Swedish.

Album

Also please listen to more songs by Tommy Körberg! He is definitely one of my favorite Swedish artists! My favorite song by him ever is 'Stad i Ljus' (city in light)

I really wanted to share this aspect of my culture with people today, because I really love it, and I hope you found it interesting!

And once again, have a happy Lucia! ^^

So, as we say in Swedish...

@another-random-paradise @thehollowwriter @faefum @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @beneathsakurashade

@nyx-of-night @theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @screamintoad

@gingacat @buttholesparkles @angelwishess @scint1llat3 @gimmeurmoneyagh

[goodluckclove]

Stop Calling Yourself an Aspiring Author: A Proposition

So this post is dedicated to @dreambigdreamz, who asked me a question about when you can stop calling yourself an aspiring author. I had to wait until I could go to sleep to properly answer, because this is going to be a long one, probably. I'm actually doing this before I get to work for the day, because if I could get one goddamned person to stop labeling themselves like this I will feel success for at least three days.

It's a question for new writers - the difference between a writer and an author. If you Google the difference it appears there are two camps:

Writer and author are synonyms

You are only an author if you publish your work/write as a career

This is odd to me already. It's odd and it's immediately gatekeep-y, and it's so fucking surreal that ours is the only artistic field that has this strange distinction. For most other outlets there's still a separation between hobbyist and professional, but that's considered optional as far as I've seen.

Someone who paints or does digital art isn't likely to call themselves a hobbyist artist, even if they aren't doing it as their main source of income. They're just an artist.

If someone practices the piano but isn't actively in a performing band or symphony, they probably don't call themselves an aspiring pianist. They're already doing it. They're a pianist.

I briefly considered cook versus chef, but in that context cook doesn't necessarily mean amateur. There are line cooks and prep cooks and fry cooks and sauté cooks who work professionally. I have the qualifications of a prep or line cook, but I'm currently only cooking meals at home. So does that mean I'm an aspiring cook? That's weird. That doesn't sound right.

So by this point it should be clear that I find it deeply reductive to say that you can only call yourself an author if you've professionally published a work of writing. Maybe that was the case, like, a hundred years ago? Even then, though, one of the definitions of author is a verb describing the act of writing something. You could author a scientific paper. You could author a poem.

It's 2002. The scope of what it means to publish is infinitely vaster than it was in the days of Virginia Woolf or Ernest Hemingway. You could traditionally publish your novel - that's still an option. But you could also indie-publish. Or self-publish. Or produce your own zines or chapbooks and distribute them online. Or send our newsletters on platforms like Substack. Or serialize through websites like Wattpad, Tapas, Itch.io, Patreon, AO3, or even tumblr.

I never called myself an author, but my reasons have nothing to do with whether or not I've been published. I prefer writer, as it has a more versatile feel that tracks whether I'm working on a novel or a poem or a play. But that's beside the point.

Personally, I'm in the first camp. Writer and author are essentially synonymous, only in my eyes an author is someone who writes fiction or nonfiction prose. That's it. Have you done that? Cool. Good job no longer being "aspiring".

If you have the words aspiring author in your life somewhere, there's a good chance you're actively gatekeeping yourself from feeling good enough to do your own thing. Why not replace it with something like the following?

future bestseller

soon-to-be published

new author/writer

growing author/writer

developing author/writer

practicing author/writer

author/writer in training

just author/writer

If someone does the whole "you're a writer? what have you published?" welcome to the conversation that all writers have to tolerate at some point. People are dumb. People typically don't know our industry and how it functions, and that's fine. Just smile and nod and shrug your way out of the conversation.

Yes, there's infighting within writers who should very much be spending less time arguing who gets to wear the nametag and who doesn't. Those people are lame dipshits who should shut the fuck up and get back to writing. If you have a passion for writing, be it fanfic or scripts or short stories or novels, you are my peer and colleague. I might not like the structure or content of your writing - which is fine, by the way - but I would never even say that you aren't a writer holy shit.

I don't care if you use every genre and trope that I find trite and excessive. If you genuinely care about the stories you tell and you still present yourself as an aspiring author, you have a duty to take yourself more seriously than that.

You are a writer. You are an author. This should not be a question.

We need to move past this and start asking ourselves the real questions that come after you answer "Am I an author". Am I a safe author? Am I an advocate and an ally? Am I a supportive member of the community? Am I still learning? Am I a capable author? Am I adaptable? Am I resourceful? Am I determined?

I'm running out of steam here. I need the writers here, especially the younger writers, to move past this stage of their creative careers as quickly as fucking possible. I was there too. I get it. And I'm telling you it's time to soak the label of aspiring so as to loosen the adhesive, gently peel it off, and throw it in the trash forever. Don't even keep it for sentimental reasons to look back on later.

Toss it. Burn it. Eat it. It is not helping you.

Okay that's all. You should close this now and write three hundred words of whatever the fuck you want. I love you.

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO IT AND SAYING THIS, THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY

that song was a true story and real experience about his relationship with his dad.

this was what he said about it:

"It was how I felt when I was 20 years old trying to communicate with my father. And he was a good dad. But he never hugged me or really cared for me. And I really wanted a hug. And when my dad died I started to hug everybody. I wanted to put that down. “Like Father Like Son.” That you hand down basically what you are. Say you want to hand down good values, think about your life, think about how you’re living. You can only hand down your values. Why hand down someone else’s values?"

would recommend that whole book of love album(or even just about his entire discography) if you like meaningful songs with good messages to them. it's like a concept album about experiences in his life, each song is another step of the journey towards psychological fulfillment, he said. it's worth a listen if you(or anyone) have the time.

he is ALL ABOUT showing love and pointing out the lack of love in the world and trying to encourage more of it and making the most out of life. and i'm fully on board with that.

Please, show the people you love that you care about them as often as you can. 💗

Spend time with the people who love you; do nice things with them, go for walks, talk to them, give them something special, anything meaningful. Don’t over complicated life. Don’t let small things stop you from doing what’s important. Show your appreciation and tell those who do everything for you that you appreciate them and that they are special to you because even if nothing negative has happened between you, you may find when it’s too late:

You Won’t Regret The Things You Did. You’ll Regret The Things You Didn’t Do When You Had The Chance.

Never take the time you have for granted. Never take the time you have with someone for granted. Remember that life is really short and we only truly have time for what we mean to do and what matters. Don’t delay what’s important to you.

[bjtch-craft]

"I'm a Rockstar Babe"

Todd Ingram X Bottom Male! Reader

☆ Summary: [Name] reunites with an old high-school friend turned rockstar things take a turn when they restart their old high-school ways.

☆ NSFW

☆Request: Yes or No

☆ Word count: 2,836

☆Genre: Angst to Smut (Kinda)

☆Warnings: Smut, degradation, manipulation (kinda, tbh I just tried making him cocky but rereading it it sounds like bro is manipulating), Bl♡wjobs, slapping, just douchy rockstar things, spitting (he's one of those ppl)

☆Authors note: Dude, I rewatched the movie and reread the novels, and why is Todd so mf fine like WHAT? And why are there no stories about this man? Anyways enjoy!! (P.s this has been in my drafts for like 2 months now and I've never finished editing it for some reason...)

Also look at the comic version of him like WHAT A CUTIE like yeah sure he's arrogant, narcissistic, uncaring, and may or may not be a pathological liar, and a walking red flag but like that red looking a little orange so??? PRAYING SOME OF YALL READ THIS!!

Did this count as being a groupie? No. It's not like I'm some obsessed super fan like Joseph I mean for fucks sake I knew Todd in high school [Name] thought as he lay on the mattress of the cheap motel room waiting for Todd to get out of the shower.

10:15 P.M. - some time earlier

[Name] was shoved and pushed around by the hundreds of thousands of fans who had gathered to watch the band play. The band in question was none other than The Clash at Demonhead. [Name] new one of the members (while technically two if you count Envy but they didn’t know each other. They were more of acquaintances really.) Todd Ingram who he was close friends with. Really close.

He'd given him head a couple of times (and slept with him too) but that didn't mean anything to them (yes it did.) it was what Todd considered a "bro-job" whatever the fuck that was. But that's not important (yes it is) what is important is how quickly their friendship ended after he got with Envy. They tried to keep in touch but after the band blew the absolute fuck up he cut ties with him.

Did it hurt? Yes. A lot. But [Name] didn't let it get to him he still supported Todd even if Todd himself didn't know it. [Name] bought every CD, vinyl, and cassette tape, and got tickets to most shows. He even tried to get backstage passes to rekindle his relationship with Todd but the prices were far out of his price range.

There have been times when for a quick second he'd seen Todd after a show or two and waved to him or said a quick word but he didn't recognize him. Which also hurt. How can you not recognize someone you spent almost TEN YEARS of your life with? But [Name] was determined to catch up with his best friend so after pulling a couple of night shifts and saving up some money he... still didn’t have enough.

10: 50 P.M.

"Todd's so hot!"

"Jesus Envys even hotter in person!"

"Why's that chick got a robotic arm?"

These are just some of the things [Name] heard throughout the event which was on the verge of ending.

12:10 A.M. - Later

The concert was over and [Name] pushed and shoved his way out of the venue and quickly rushed towards the back of the building looking for the band.

"Come on please don't tell me I missed them!"

His shoes thudded against the gravel, and as he rounded the corner a gate came into view.

"No. No, no, no, no!"

The gate door was slid open. How safe right?

"Envy? Do you wanna get a bite to eat or something?"

[Name] stopped for a moment as he saw Todd standing there his guitar case in hand talking to Envy. He took a deep breath and stepped through the gates. Fuck?

"T-todd?"

Todd turned to look at him a look of shock and anger upon his face.

"Who the hell let you in" Todd asked as he stepped closer to [Name] his voice coming off as aggressive as his eyes and hair started to glow.

"N-no one the gate was open."

"So you just snuck in?"

"I'm [Name], [First name], [Last name] we went to high school together. Remember?"

Todd's eyes and hair stopped glowing as his hair drifted back down in front of his face.

"You're kidding?!"

Todd dropped his guitar case and ran up to [Name] his tough guy rockstar persona shedding completely. He threw his arms around [Name] and pulled him into his chest. [Name] could feel the heat rising to two places as his face was smushed into Todd's rather large pecs.

"Todd you're squishing me..." [Name] said his voice muffled.

"Sorry!" He pulled away. "Jesus it's been a long time since we've seen each other... I'm a Rockstar!"

"I can see that!"

"Todd, what the fuck is going on," Envy asked?

Todd turned to look at them wrapping his arm around [Name's] waist. "This is [Name] from high school! He's my best friend remember?"

"While to me he looks like a fucking groupie! Let's go" Envy replied.

"I'm not a groupie..."

"Do you think he can come back to the motel with us?"

"No."

"Find some other cheap motel to fuck in," The Bionic arm bitch said.

"He's not a groupie and we're not gonna fuck! He's my friend and I wanna catch up with him!"

"Find. Another. Motel." Envy said the tone of her voice showed her annoyance more than anything.

12:30 A.M.

And they did find a cheap motel in an extremely unsafe part of town. Fits the stereotype, huh? A rockstar takes one of his fans to a cheap rundown-looking motel just to get it in.

[Name] once again was hugging Todd but this time was looking up at him.

"I'm so sorry for ghosting you [Name]."

"It's fine."

Todd's hands traveled down [Name's] back and reached his ass and groped it firmly, making [Name] let out an involuntary yelp. He pushed Todd off of him, causing the blonde boy to let out a laugh.

"What's the matter [Name] just like old times!"

"Todd aren't you dating Envy or something?"

He shifted his weight on his feet annoyingly.

"I'm a Rockstar babe we don't date," Todd said cockily.

"Oh?"

"I'm gonna hop in the shower. I know I reek of sweat... care to join me?"

"Smooth Todd.... real smooth."

He winked at [Name] and waltzed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. After a minute or two he heard the shower go on.

Did this count as being a groupie? No. It's not like I'm some obsessed super fan like Joseph I mean for fucks sake I knew Todd in high school [Name] thought as he lay on the mattress of the cheap motel room waiting for Todd to get out of the shower.

"Do I wanna do this... again?"

The first time [Name] and Todd ever did anything together was on his eighteenth birthday. They were both unbelievably drunk, and both were bored lying on Todd's bed in silence. One of them now and then would say something, and they would have a short conversation.

"H-heyyy~ [Name] can I ask you for a favor," Todd asked his words coming out slurred.

"Yeah- hic! What'sss ~'s up?"

"Do you think you could um... s-suck me off?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm one drunk! And two horny as fuck~! So can you?"

"You know what fuck it! You are my best friend!"

[Name] slid his basketball shorts off and then his boxers and grabbed at his length.

"I've never done this before so um... bear with me~."

Todd nodded his head a goofy grin on his face. "Do it as if someone's doing yours."

[Name] took him into his mouth slowly going down inch by inch the girth was almost too much to handle. Almost.

But that was years ago. They were two dumb eighteen-year-olds who were just helping each other out. But [Name] didn't feel that way anymore... but reminiscing on their old days made [Name] slowly begin to get hard in the shorts Todd had given him.

[Name] rubbed himself through the fabric and pushed down on it, making him release a soft moan. He needed Todd he didn't realize how badly he did until right then and there. The door opened to the bathroom, and [Name] quickly through the blanket over his lap.

Todd walked out with just a towel around his waist, his bulge catching [Names] eye as well as his body, which was still wet and glistened in the light.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting another pair of boxers, I forgot to bring them into the shower..." Todd looked at [Name] and noticed the tent that was forming underneath the blanket. "Aw, are you happy to see me like this again, baby?"

"What! No!"

"Come on..." He said huskily. The cockiness was back. "I heard you moan... were you thinking of the times I fucked you? The times you begged me to fill you up? The times I came on that pretty face of yours?"

[Name] could feel his cock growing harder with each question.

"N-no" [Name] whimpered out.

Todd walked to the side of the bed grabbed [Name's] hand and placed it on his groin.

"You miss my fat cock don't you," He asked his voice sounding oddly humiliating.

"I don't have to say anything."

Todd started to move his hips grinding his bulge against the palm of [Names] hand.

"Todd we can't... you have a girlfriend."

"I told you we rockstars don't really - truly date, and if anything, it's just another bro-job, remember?"

[Name] pulled his hand away and sat up and using both hands opened Todd's towel up causing his cock to pop out and slap against his happy trail.

"Fuck~," [Name] whispered out.

[Name] reached out and pumped his cock twice.

"Yeah that's it~ I know you fucking missed it haven't you?"

[Name] let go of Todd's cock and adjusted his position so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Todd backed up a little.

"Please don't like- hurt me that much. Please?"

Todd chuckled and ran his hand through his wet hair.

"You sweet dumb thing, you know I can't promise that."

[Name] grabbed Todd's cock once more and spat on it and stroked him off spreading the saliva over his cock.

"I haven't done this in a long time... so I'm a little rusty."

Todd smiled down at him. The grin was a mixture of amusement and humiliation.

[Name] placed the tip on his tongue and licked it gently before wrapping his lips around it and slowly going down on it.

[Name] couldn't lie he truly did miss this. Not only did he enjoy it, but it honestly made them closer as friends.

[Name] gagged on the base as he looked up at Todd with tearful eyes.

"Aww you look so cute with my big cock in your mouth," Todd said softly his voice coated in lust as he gently patted [Name's] cheek.

[Name] began to slowly come off his cock before Todd placed a hand on the back of his skull and slammed him back down causing him to gag and for drool to pour out of the sides of his mouth.

"Mmm-hmm-agh." [Name] groaned out.

Todd pulled his cock out of the boy's mouth and slapped it on either side of the guy's cheek.

"You took it so well [Name]~."

[Name] looked up at Todd with innocent eyes, his tongue sticking out a little as he gasped for air.

"Jesus you look so fucking gorgeous."

"I-I think you bruised the back of my throat!"

Todd grabs [Names] chin as he angles his head straight aligning his cock with [Names] lips.

Todd spat on his cock (and on [Names] face) and slammed it down [Names] throat before pulling out. [Name] stuck out his tongue and licked a stripe down his cock.

"You're such a fucking slut baby. I bet you've been craving my cock since you heard about our band haven't you?"

[Name] nodded his head embarrassingly. Todd placed a hand on the back of [Names] head and leaned in, planting a kiss on his lips as his hands traveled down his body. His hands reached the bottom of the boy's shirt and began to pull it up over his head, breaking the kiss in the process.

Todd pushes [Name] down onto the bed by his chest and crawls on top of him, attacking his neck, causing [name] to let out a soft moan. Todd kisses down his neck while unbuckling [Names] belt and gently pulls them off along with his boxers.

"I don't reckon you have a condom do you?"

"I have one in my wallet in my left pocket," [Name] says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Todd grabs [Names] jeans off the floor and pulls out the condom from the wallet before discarding them back onto the floor.

Todd rips the wrapping of the condom off with his teeth and slides the rubber on. He places [names] legs on his shoulders and lines himself up at his entrance.

[Name] squeezes his eyes shut as Todd pushes himself into him. A sudden wave of pain and pleasure washes over him, causing him to grab onto the sheets, twisting them in his hands. A soft whimper escapes his lips as Todd continues to push deeper into him.

"Shit- Todd, you're so fucking- ngh~ big!" [Name] whimpered out, causing Todd to look down at him with a cocky grin.

Todd had pushed himself into the other boy and slowly began to pull back out, only to slam back into him, which earned him a low groan.

"Does that feel good?"

[Name] nodded his head and let out a whimper. Todd began to rock his hips in and out of him, the tip occasionally brushing against his prostate. His thirst got faster and quicker he reached down and grabbed [Name's] hands and placed them above his head.

Todd began pounding into [Name]. The sound of skin against skin filled the room as well as screams of pleasure from both boys.

"Ugh~ F-fuck! You're going to har-!" [Name] wasn't able to finish his sentence as Todd delivered a gentle (but still hard) slap across his face.

"Don't tell me what the fuck to do!" Todd growled out.

[Names] cock twitched as pre-cum drizzled down his cock causing a moan to escape from his lips.

"Don't tell me you're into this shit you slut?"

"S-s-shut up Todd~"

Todd smirked and began rocking his hips.

"How bad do you want it?"

"W-what?" [Name] stuttered.

"I can pull out right now and leave and not let you finish you."

"Please don't~ I'll do anything!"

"Then admit it.'

"What?"

"Admit you're a filthy whore" Todd said his voice thick with lust.

"I'm not going to- ah~!"

Todd pulled out of [Name] leaving him feeling empty and somehow even more fucking desperate.

"Todd please" [Name] begged.

"Then say it."

"I-I’m a whore okay? Is that what you want to hear from me? I'm a fucking slut for you okay?!"

Todd looked down at [Name] with a cocky grin.

"Good boy."

Todd leaned back over [Name] and placed a soft kiss on his lips before pushing himself back into him. He wrapped his hand around [Name's] throat and began pounding into him. The sounds of skin against skin filled the room once again.

Todd raised his hand and brought it across [Names] face with enough power to cause a sting of pain leading [Name] to let out a dry moan.

"I can't believe your into this shit!" Todd said with a cheesy grin.

"Shut up!" The boy underneath him whined out.

Todd smirked and removed his hand from [Names] neck and grabbed him by the waist and slowed his thrusts.

"What are you- agh~!"

Todd pulled [Name] into him driving his cock deeper into him pushing past his prostate. [Names] jaw dropped as the sudden feeling causing a high pitched moan to erupt from his throat. Todd took this opportunity and grabbed his jaw holding it open and dipped his thumb into his mouth.

"Don't close your mouth got that?"

[Name] replied with a whimper as Todd's thurst became annoyingly slow as a string of spit slowly began to fall from his lips and landed in [Names] mouth.

[Named] closed his mouth after Todd gave him a look that practically yelled at him, too swallow. Todd's slow thrust became faster and faster. Todd wrapped his hand around [Name's] dick and began jerking him off as [Name] placed his palm at the back of Todd's head.

"I'm so close!" Todd groaned out as his rhythm began to go out of sync.

His movements became harder and harder as he felt himself getting closer and closer to finishing.

"W-where- fuck~ where do you want it?" He moaned out.

"On me..."

Todd placed a hand behind [Names] head as his thurst became sloppy he spat once again at [Name] the salvia covering his face before pulling out and jerking himself off.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

With one final moan ropes of cum erupted from his cock covering [Names] body in white ropes. Todd pumped [Name's] cock for a minute before he came their cum mixing on his stomach. Todd scooped up some of his cum off of the boy's body with his index finger and popped it into [Names] mouth.

"How's it taste?"

"Salty... can you get me a towel?"

1:35 AM

[Name] lay on the cheap hotel's mattress, his head on Todd's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Hey, have you ever thought of being a roadie?'

"A what?"

"A roadie helps the band set up... you could be one for us so we could keep in touch and..." He wrapped his hand around [Names] body and groped his ass "Have some more time to ourselves."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS MAN IS SO FINE ARGH. I NEED HIM SO BAD LIKE I WANT HIM TO FULLY REARRANGE MY INSIDES.

Authors note!!

Again, sorry for the break. School is still once again kicking my ass :) I do plan on writing more over Christmas break, but I do have like half-written stories in my drafts, so here are some of them. (Some of them have titles, but they are to be determined, so kill me or wtv) .

Darry Jenner x Male reader (Fluff)

Miguel Ohara x Male reader (Smut)

Chad Meeks x Male reader (TBD)

Simon Kalivoda x Male reader (Fluff)

[moonfoxgazer]

It could be considered sad, perhaps, how things must happen for things to continue on the correct path, consider how it could be comparable to that of the work of a ranch-hand as they guide the herd towards the best pastures. Occasionally they must make a difficult decision which may or may not require a sacrifice, some of the herd may not make it, but ultimately it is for the best possible outcome for the whole.

*insert that one song with tears falling down at the party and being the saddest baby in the room* I've been playing with the whole cowboy Danny Phantom idea for awhile now. If ya'll are curious about designs and meaning feel free to read below. Don't fret, I have more cowboy stuff stewing in the stock pot, but the potatoes aren't soft enough yet so ya'll have to wait a bit more.

For Danno So design choices are taking Southwestern outfitting and combining it a little with the Ghost King stuff too, such as the Crown of Fire becoming akin to a hat band (which nicer hat bands and sometimes feathers are often earned within ranch-hand and rodeo cultures) and then the Ring of Rage becomes the Bolo of Rage, heh. And naturally the kiddo's insignia becomes a belt buckle because those are earned for sure and usually goes with the outfit. Now for CW

I based a lot of his design off more outrider/ outlaw designs while keeping the feeling of his original outfit. So his cloak remained but shorter and a little more ragged, which many travelers back then would have some sort of cloak or coat, depending on region, money and circumstance, fighters usually went with looser clothing so it was easier to move and access weapons. Of course you have the bandolier, which was used mostly to carry more ammo. The rifle CW is carrying is loosely based off a Winchester Model 1873 Smoothbore Rifle, which was a common rifle type in the late 1800s. Of course I had to reference the medallions with an engraving in the butt of the rifle, which carvings and decorations on firearms were common during the time, with many carving the decorations themselves during downtime, and well, we know how CW is about his branding. The last bit that really could stand out is his belt buckle, which is of course decorative and based off Dine Silver and Turquoise jewelry with a common blossom pattern in the center. Being from the southwest, there's a lot of things about life out here, both in the past and present that require sacrifice and that's something that resonates a lot with DP honestly. It's a theme I like playing with a bit when it comes to the idea of the southwest. It's why Danny looks melancholy and withdrawn here and CW in his typical aloof nature is more, neutral. If ya'll read through all this, congrats, you didn't get caught in a cactus, ya'll are awesome.

[thegreatmatpi]

since i got into bandori i've been thinking a lot about the instruments that the girls use, especially the drummers, and one thing that always kinda felt off is that maya has an acoustic kit in canon but pasupare plays a bunch of songs with electronic drum sounds. and i don't know why it took me 5 years to consider the fact that she could have turned the acoustic kit into an electric one.

so most of the bandori drummers have very high end kits. notably ako and masuki, but saya's, tomoe's, tsukushi's, taki's, and nyamu's kits are all at the upper echelon of their respective brands. kanon and maya are the only two that have tama kits, which are already known for being among the more affordable brands, but their kits are the only ones that don't break the $1000 mark. for kanon this makes sense, kind of. she had bought the drum set just to try it out, and the imperialstar from tama is the perfect beginner kit. tama sells it as a complete set with cymbals, hardware, and accessories rather than just the drums. since kokoro stopped her from returning it, it makes sense that she played with hello happy world using that kit. now this also raises the question of why the tsurumaki family didn't upgrade it while they also bought kaoru that guitar, but my best guess is she got nicer cymbals and drumheads, as well as proper maintenance for that kit, because it still is a good sounding kit if you take care of it.

anyway getting back to maya's kit, it is a little strange how the biggest gearhead has a relatively cheap kit. it's nicer than kanon's for sure, but it's by no means one of their flagship kits or even one that's still on the market. and then it hit me. she actually turned her drum kit into an electric kit. first let's talk about how electric kits work. it's all a series of pads connected to a module that detects when a certain pad is hit and plays the correct sound either to your headphones or some other output like a speaker or recording interface. each pad has a trigger inside it that detects when the pad has been hit. and for a lot of higher end electronic kits that look like acoustic kits, like the higher end roland and alesis kits, these triggers are meant to mimic the response of an actual drum. you can also buy the triggers on their own, which leads me to believe that's how maya has her kit set up.

there are a few different kinds of triggers that you can use, but you can probably characterize them best by external and internal. external drum triggers you can just slap onto any drum and plug it into a module. it's a common practice especially with kick drums if you want to change the sound of the drums in the middle of a set without going through the motions of changing a drumhead or a pedal. you even see these in the bandori live performances: i know that ako's and masking's kit both use them, and that gives me enough reason to believe that the rest of the live bands do it too. but there's a limitation to this. these triggers can really only detect when the drum is hit and how hard it's been hit, leaving out the crucial detail of where the drum was hit. with kick drums, the pedal is hitting the exact same spot every time, so this isn't an issue. however, if you want to do this for your whole drum set, you need something else.

this is where those internal triggers come into play. instead of just putting these on a drum, you need to install these underneath the drum head, and they're meant for playing purely electronically, so you typically use a quiet mesh head rather than the typical mylar head. there are internal triggers that operate exactly like the external ones, but there are also fancier ones that instead of sensing the impacts from the edge of the drumhead, sense them from the middle of the head. this allows the sensor to also relay information regarding the location of the hit, which allows the module to modify the sound even further, giving a much more realistic feel.

anyway thank you for listening to me ramble on about bandori instruments for much longer than i had intended, and i would love to hear any instrument headcanons y'all have!!

[3600frames]

Would you also consider looking over beika tweets for any new insights or maybe things the translation looks over?

[edit: made an easier-to-read version of my edits here]

ok this started getting MUCH longer than i expected so i'll put everything but the first one under the cut.

[...]and then after a little while, he told me that he had debuted with a band[...]

When I first read this and checked the JP text it seemed right but I’d also been looking for as many JP reactions to the booklet as I could possibly find and not a single one brought up anything akin to that… so checking the specific phrasing in the JP again

しばらくしてバンドデビューしたからっていうんで

The literal information being communicated being “band debut-did”, ending with a quoting particle (って) and “to say” (いう). “って言う” being a way of directly quoting a statement... when written in using the 言 kanji. When spelled only in hiragana (っていう), it can gain an alternate meaning of quoting hearsay (explained here, using the more formal と form). So with this definition, it’d be more like

[...]and then some time later, I heard about how he’d debuted with a band[...]

There’s a part of me that wondered if it’s supposed to be ambiguous, but there’s the fact I haven’t seen a single native speaker read it like that, and how it seems you only use the 言 for something Actually Said, and the fuller tweet in context:

ハイカラ行くって言いだして行って、しばらくしてバンドデビューしたからっていうんで

言 IS used for the “I’m going to Inkopolis” statement, which makes that seem like a direct quote, contrasting with the “[the band debut]” being something only heard about...I think.

オマージュじゃんてよく言われるけど、あんたらの曲ならこれぐらいカッコよくできますけど？ていうかこっちのほうが300倍よくね？って言ってるだけで、オマージュとかそういうのじゃねーから

Well, people often say it's a homage to their song, but any of you guys would be able to make a song that's just as cool. I mean our song is this one 300 times better, right? Just wanted to make it clear that we're not trying to pay homage to it or anything like that.

→ I get a lot of people thinking it’s an homage, but just for the record, I was only trying to express, like “If it’s you lots’ “music” we’re talking about, then obviously we could make it SO much cooler, y’know. I mean like, our version is 300 times better, right?”. That’s all. It wasn’t meant as a damn homage.

Okay I assume the “あんたらの曲なら” is what got interpreted as “any of you guys would be able to[...]” but I absolutely think it’s “snidely referring to the original song in a way that implies it has much room for improvement”. Also wanted to emphasize the “じゃねーから” at the end.

今のハイカラはスカしすぎてると思う。ただ、ちょっと昔だけど、フロムボトムは面白いかな。

I think the Inkopolis scene is too pretentious, but Bottom Feeders are pretty cool even though it's been a while since I've listened to them.

→ I think the Inkopolis scene has become way too pretentious. However, I know they’re kinda old news now, but those Bottom Feeder guys are pretty cool.

The JP had the interesting specification of that “pretentious” comment being made about the Inkopolis of now (今のハイカラ). Also, the ちょっと(a bit) 昔 comment was very much directed at Bottom Feeders, which on the JP side was very much seen as an audacious way to refer to presumably still-active artists. (...and that immediately being followed with courting a collab with someone of Finn’s temperament, the response was mostly along the lines of “oh you’re gonna get your ass whooped for that.”)

C-sideで、きかせてやりたいんだよ。バンカラだろうがハイカラだろうが、このごちゃまぜの時代に鳴り響く、ほんとに��ュアな音

I'd like to play songs for everyone. No matter if they're from the Splatlands or Inkopolis, I want to create really fresh tunes that make people feel at home in this era of chaos.

→I want to play along with the rest of C-Side so you all can hear it. This truly pure sound that'll reverberate throughout this era of chaos, no matter whether it's the Splatlands or Inkopolis.

pure sound(?).

Fun JP-specific quirks that may give insights:

1) The overall speech patterns are very informal/colloquial (even more so while drunk), except for the “Now or Never is a C-Side original” statement which suddenly ends with the formal sentence ender です/desu.

Now or NeverはC-Sideのオリジナルです。 

2) I said in an earlier post that Beika uses ore in kanji which is true but specifically during the drunk-tweeting they use it in hiragana for it instead (おれ同中だから)... which doesn’t seem intentional on their part on both a consistency level and hiragana-ore being this kinda paradoxical thing where softness of using hiragana clashes with the tougher image of ore. So what I think happened is that they drunkenly didn’t bother/forgot to hit the input that turns it into kanji. Very specific I know.

3) The word they use to collectively refer to Squid Squad is 連中(renchuu) which is a very fun word where the connotations drastically change depending on who you’re using it for (very derogatory here).

4) I get why this didn’t get TL’d because both the dialogue and song name being the same syllabary lessens the impact, but it’s very funny to be so smug about typing out the whole song name after not remembering (or pretending not to) their band name multiple times…

じゃなんで連中のSplattack（合ってる？笑をC-Sideでカバーしたの、

…while also forgetting to close the bracket.

So, you’re probably wondering why we covered that Splattack (did I get it in one? LMAO song of theirs.

(also you forgot the exclamation mark so no you didn’t)

5) Definitely a case of “this works more naturally in JP”:

Oh, their music? Well, I guess it's not as bad as it used to be.

The ? in the JP doesn’t explicitly end the sentence in the JP (あいつらの音？は前よりマシ) so it could also be read with the connotation of:

Oh, well, I guess their music(?) isn’t as bad as it used to be.

Whatever That Means. Also the TL of it is good I just wanted to mention the “compliment” used is マシ, which has the implication of the less bad out of two undesirable options lol.

[traintrainingmontage]

I can't believe I wasn't already following you, that's mad! Well, I've changed that now. As an idea, maybe Sir Handel and peter Sam listening to Duke's stories?

Hahahahaha, thank you, Val!! ✨️ And YES, I can do that! Sir Handel and Peter Sam may love stories, especially their Granpuff's, but perhaps not all of Duke's stories are meant for them to hear...

(Want to submit a prompt of your own? Details here!)

Duke arriving on the Skarloey Railway after so many years of being a less-than-willing bergentrückung was a cause for celebration. Sir Handel and Peter Sam had been ecstatic to see their Granpuff again, and even though it was a little odd becoming reacquainted after how many years they'd been apart, the warmth of his smile and his joy at seeing them brought them both a nostalgia and a comfort they hadn't known they'd wanted until just then. However, the two now had their own stories to share, proof of their own growth since joining the railway, and the laughter that arose from those long nights was music to the ears of every engine in the shed (even Duncan, although he would never admit it).

As such, one quiet evening about a month after Duke had officially begun working on the railway, Peter Sam and Sir Handel found themselves simmering comfortably in their berths near the left side of the shed, waiting for him to come back. Their crews had gone to speak to the manager, so they had a little bit of steam left in them still, and the two of them were using it to stretch their wheels and get comfortable. They even had the gift of a relatively empty shed as the rest of their band of brothers were still out and about.

"Oooooh, I hope we can get some good tales out of Granpuff tonight," Peter Sam giggled, a slight note of tiredness in his voice from a day full of work well done, but even that wasn't enough to dampen his enthusiasm. "It's been so nice hearing his stories again."

"I know what you mean," Sir Handel grinned back, in an equally good mood. His disposition had improved considerably with Duke around, to the point that the others had taken to teasingly (albeit kindly) commenting on it. "That said," he mused, his good cheer giving way to something more pensive, "do you feel as though he's still treating us like we're new builds?"

"Mmm... a little bit, I suppose," Peter Sam considered, "but I don't know that I mind too much. It's how he's always acted around us."

"Well, I don't like it," Sir Handel pouted. "We're respectable engines now, and he should respect us as such!"

"Just give him time," Peter Sam soothed. "He hasn't seen us in so long, and he's missed so much. We might be the only ones who can give him any sense of being grounded."

After a few more minutes, the two little engines spied a familiar shape pulling into the yard. Peter Sam was about to whistle a greeting, when all of a sudden, the other engine turned and headed for a siding next to the shed, seemingly the one just outside. "Wasn't that Granpuff?" Sir Handel hedged, somewhat unsure if his eyes were playing tricks; after all, Duke always whistled when he came in.

"I think so...?" Peter Sam murmured, just as confused. Adding to their confusion was the sudden appearance of another engine, who gave a quick peep peep! of greeting before following Duke. Soon after, four vaguely human shapes left from that same direction, also heading for the office. "That was Rheneas," Peter Sam observed, "and those people were his and Duke's crews." His brows furrowed in thought. "I wonder what they're doing over there..."

"...I'm going to go find out," Sir Handel replied, his lips pressed into a thin, determined line. "C'mon, Peter Sam. Let's go."

"Wait, what?" the other engine blurted, eyes going comically wide at the absurd suggestion. "But... no! Sir Handel, that's eaves... ease... um... easydropping! We can't do that!"

"And why not?" Sir Handel retorted hotly, already calling upon what steam he had left to inch his way forward, trying to get close enough to listen in on the elders' conversation. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it's got to be interesting! Besides, we're not new builds anymore; even Granpuff has to see that. We deserve to know if something's going on."

"Mmm... alright. But if we get caught, I'm blaming you."

Without further ado, the two crept forward, hoping that the ambient noise of the yard would cover up their approach. Finally, the two managed to get into a decent position, where they could vaguely make out Rheneas and Duke staring out into the darkling sky.

"--But that's just it, Rheneas," Duke hummed pensively. "They've grown up so much, and yet, there's so much I don't want to tell them. Do they even remember the worst of the old days?

"They look at me and see the nostalgia, the times that I came through for them, but I fear that if I tell them what really happened, they'll remember all of the terrible times, the ones that they've blocked out. How could I do that to them?"

"Well, I can't say that I've been in your wheels," Rheneas replied somberly, "but they're both good engines. Sir Handel especially has grown up a lot. You've heard it in their stories, haven't you? They can look back at their own failings and see the humor in them, instead of being embarrassed. It's not my place to say, but keeping it from them instead of letting them work through it with your support might not be a decision for you to make."

"...

"...Let me tell you a story, Rheneas," Duke began, a weariness in his tone that Peter Sam and Sir Handel had never heard before, not in all of their years of working with their Granpuff. "Back on the Mid-Sodor, there were a few of us working the line. Our No. 5 was a good sort, but he could be... foolish.

"One day, he made a mistake. He was to pull an enthusiast train, but left behind a coach. Notably, this was a coach for highly important guests. I ended up pulling the coach myself and it was rebranded as a Special, but the manager knew the truth. He punished him terribly by..." Duke paused a moment, and while his granchuffs couldn't see his expression, the sorrow in his voice couldn't be denied. "...They splashed him with industrial acid. His screams rang in my ears for days."

Peter Sam's eyes flitted over to Sir Handel, who was staring at Duke and Rheneas with disbelief before his gaze slid back to meet Peter Sam's. "Do you remember that?" he mouthed, and Peter Sam's face seemed to crumple in on itself.

"Not at all."

However, their attention quickly returned to the two older engines as the conversation resumed. "Is it right?" Duke asked plaintively. "Is it right to afflict that upon them? I can see how much they've grown, but is it fair to remind them of the horrors they don't remember?"

"I'm afraid I don't have an answer," Rheneas sighed, "but again, it may not be up to you. After all... most stories, whether you like it or not, tend to attract an audience."

"What do you--" At Rheneas' words, Duke instinctively turned to look around, only for his gaze to land on his two granchuffs.

Three sets of eyes widened in horror, followed by an extended silence. None of the engines seemed to know where to start, the quiet almost suffocating in its entirety.

However, after a long moment, Rheneas sighed and let out a long whistle. The sound of footsteps soon echoed from behind them, and eight confused humans suddenly assembled before the engines. Before any of them could even begin to ask what was wrong, the older engine began: "Please put me up, and let Peter Sam and Sir Handel sit with Duke. They have some things to talk about."

The various engine crews shared some glances, but did as they were asked, and soon enough, Duke was flanked by his granchuffs, all of them settled on the sidings with a promise from their crews that they would be back soon.

Finally alone, the three ex-Mid Sodor engines looked out upon the expansive sky, now featuring a shining moon attended to by a number of glittering stars. It was beautiful, certainly, but the feeling was rather diminished by the growing shadow of awkwardness between them. At long last, it was Sir Handel who broke the silence. "Granpuff... please tell us. Please tell us the stories you couldn't tell us before."

His demeanor, usually so insistent, was instead respectful in its softness, his words a quiet request rather than an imperious demand. On Duke's other side, Peter Sam let out a quiet noise of agreement. "Yes, please. We can handle it."

Duke said nothing for a few moments, but finally, a tremulous voice escaped him. "I shouldn't be surprised that you both were listening in, but... are you sure? Are you sure that you want to know? There are so many things better off forgotten. I didn't want to tell you for your sakes, certainly, but also, perhaps... for mine."

Sir Handel, earlier so full of conviction, suddenly found himself faltering, but he felt obligated to answer the question anyway. "We've... we've grown up, Granpuff. We've learned so much here. And if there's anything I've learned, it's that forgetting only makes things worse. If you forget, nothing is learned."

"He's right," Peter Sam chimed in. "We know how much you love us, Granpuff, but neither of us remembered what you told Rheneas. Even so... I think we should know. We can't run away from that which scares us."

The silence continued when suddenly, Duke seemed to shiver, and a single, crystalline tear dripped down his cheek. "Oh, my boys... when did you two grow up so well?"

Gentle chuckles escaped his granchuffs as they stared at him affectionately, and at last, Peter Sam asked the most important question. "Granpuff... won't you tell us a story?"

Duke let out a shaky sigh, but managed to crack a tired smile. "Alright, alright. They won't all be nice, but... perhaps they're still worth telling."

[tricoufamily]

i come to you as an absent mutual to get your top of 2024 media! movies, shows, books, you name it! biggest flops/what surprised you? need to know it all! assuming the penguin is up there (condolences about the batman 2 postponement. keeping you in my thoughts..)

hello!!!!! and happy belated birthday!!!!!!!!! <3333

2024 was the craziest year of my life (in a good way (mostly)) do i even know what happened in 2024 vs what happened 10 years ago because that's how long it felt let's find out

(yes the batman 2 postponement i am in mourning.....they want me gone)

yes OF COURSE we have to talk about the penguin can i talk about the penguin please i've been dying to talk about the penguin all day. no but it turned out so much better than i thought it was going to omg i was getting nervous about it, considering matt reeves wasn't super involved, and some of the trailers were edited really badly (seriously who was in charge of those....). if that script had been bad it would have been the end for me.....but it was great so we've never been more back!!!! even though the finale left me feeling like shit for like 15 hours after (it was good......but......wow......ok........)

i saw the tv glow. i literally had to go on an hour long walk outside at midnight after i watched that movie. that's all i have to say.

well no actually one thing to say let's throw in the soundtrack too for good measure claw machine and taper my beloved

big surprise in french exit by patrick dewitt, my favorite book i read in 2024!!! not my usual type of book at all like i love pain and misery, what do you mean my favorite book of the year was funny??? still working through all of his other books (someone tell me to stop buying new books though....)

late entry with the band telever because they are insanely underrated. anyone who likes shoegaze you GOTTA listen to them this is my favorite song by them please it only has 6000 streams you'll like it i swear

also listen i know everyone liked nosferatu. the lighthouse is my third favorite movie of all time. and nosferatu (1922) is my second favorite movie of all time. it did not do it for me. i'll never be happy again

i DID get to see the 1922 nosferatu in theaters for the first time in october though and that was magical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but the actual biggest flop of the year was me months january to may

but the biggest comeback of the year was me months june to december let's go boys

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

The Language of Fear by Del James - Introduction

Axl Rose (left) and Del James (right) 1988. Not only is James an author, he’s also GNR’s unofficial Road Manager and has been with the band for 35 years.

I called Del James around the time that our album The Spaghetti Incident was coming out and wanted to see if he had any ideas for a video for the song Ain’t It Fun. We rapped for a while about the song - it's a cover of a song originally done by the Dead Boys, which has a very desperate feel to it. Toward the end of our conversation, Del said that he saw it "dark, dreary, and addicted."

"Isn't that how you see everything?" I replied, half-joking.

In your hands is Del's first published work of fiction, The Language of Fear. After you've read a few stories, you'll know what I mean. In these stories there's a real sense of the damage that can be done whenever an individual takes things too far. There's healthy doses of extreme violence, perversions, insecurities, addictions, infidelities, and other themes regarding the darker side of human nature. He paints a very vivid picture of people going down the tubes and spares no expense when it comes to using red. There's a real depth there, and he enjoys exploring it. Del's the guy who calls me after writing something particularly disturbing and says, "I'm going to Hell" and then reads or faxes me what he's written.

Personally, I think he just likes to scare the Hell out of himself. The Language of Fear is very up-to-date, modern fiction by someone who started this type of writing for fun. He likes to confront taboo issues, and since he's an avid horror fan, there's more of an understanding of what young horror fans enjoy and want. It gives a taste of all kinds of different areas of life and things to avoid.

He writes about subjects, no matter how dark, that interest him. There's also a sense of rock 'n' roll in these stories because when he started writing them - and some of them, like "The Nerve" and "Mindwarp," had rough first drafts written in '86 - we were all involved in the rock 'n' roll club circuit and living on the streets. Back then, we were all definitely romanced by the darker side of life. We were all trying to get somewhere while having fun with all the wildness. We got through those experiences, and we're lucky we survived the lessons with only the amount of scars that we have.

A lot of Del's insight comes from his personal experiences, taking them even further in a fictional form. These stories tap into the self-destructive side of things that have actually helped me not be self-destructive. While some of these stories are just horror-for-fun type stories, others were inspired by real-life personal situations. He'd express his feelings and emotions through horror stories because there were a lot of times when we didn't realize how scary our real lives were.

Del's writing is a way he's dealt with his own personal emotional developments, battles with substances and decadence, and then adding a horror slant. Del's been turned on by things that weren't necessarily good for him, but the birth of his two daughters has helped him deal with that and now he steers clear of those things, except in his stories. I've watched him battle with alcohol and drugs, and I've also seen him become a father and the love for those babies and the desire for them to live happy, successful lives has overtaken his self-destructiveness.

Back when we first met in the summer of ‘85, food, shelter, and relief from boredom constituted survival. Del has always been the one to find something to entertain himself faster than anyone else, whether it's a hockey game, horror movies, a video game, or The Simpsons. It's amazing to me that considering the self-destructive nature in each of us, our relationship helps us avoid self-destruction.

There are a lot of times when Del helps me work through something that is emotionally too huge for me to deal with. That helps me to not self-destruct and in the process take GN'R or anything down with me. He's always talking me out of stupid shit that I really wouldn't want to do but I think about doing because I'm frustrated, hurt, angry, or embarrassed. We've both saved each other's lives a few times. Back when we had no clue of what the other one was going to do in life and whether or not we were going to succeed, we still had respect for each other.

Now we help inspire that success in each other, and with the successes in each other's lives there's been a sense of compassion for whatever the other guy is going through. We value each other's opinions and have found a way so that our lives work together. If I need Del, he's going to be there for me, and if he needs me, I'm going to be there for him. He treats people the way he would want them to treat him and a lot of people aren't like that. That's who Del is.

Del is also the guy who called me and said, "I just wrote my best friend's death." For me, the short story "Without You” helped me focus on what could happen in my life and sometimes what was happening. Although Del was being inspired by situations that were going on in my life, it was his way of helping me acknowledge and deal with a painful situation. It stopped me at different times from going too far. When people are looking for their own identity and things aren't going well, they'll settle for being the bad guy or the loser and create an identity that way.

Although the story "Without You" was written before our first album (‘87), the video for the song November Rain (‘92), where you see Del's name at the end of it is just a piece of "Without You." Things that were predicted in the story actually happened in my life. The goals set before GN'R's first album came out were to get to the levels of success described in "Without You.” It's the ultimate rock 'n' roll/self-destructive fantasy.

In the story, Mayne Mann writes a song called Without You, and around this time I started writing Estranged. I remember calling Del after finishing Estranged and going, "I wrote that song," meaning a song that means so much to me, the way Without You does to Mayne. I also would end up being haunted by that song as Mayne is.

I think it's amazing that the female character, Elizabeth, is the good character, and yet she gets the last word in (don't worry - I won't give it away) by doing something knowing it'll severely fuck Mayne up. I think there was some spite in there, and there's a lot of self-blame in the story on the part of the rocker. Everything is Mayne's fault and he flips out, which is something that I can relate to. There's a lot of personal pain on Mayne's behalf regarding why he can't get a certain love to work.

For years, we've been thinking about making either videos or a full-length movie based on "Without You," and that kept me focused on not wanting to become the character, Mayne, although I basically was that person. There were things involved in the character that had a lot of elements of Del as well as a lot of elements of me. November Rain is actually the set up for the short story rather than for the Estranged video. We were going to try to bring out more of the "Without You" story and elements in Estranged, but Stephanie Seymour had other plans so we had to change ours. The story actually helped me for a long time, and I would have loved to have filmed it, but right now it's better for me to evolve and transcend the close similarity to my life and let the story live its own life.

At one point, Andy Morahan, who directed November Rain, and I were asked to do an episode of Tales from the Crypt, so I asked Del to write the script, based on one of his stories. It would have given me an opportunity to do something that interests me - act. It would've given Del an opportunity to do something he wants to (and will) do, which is write for the screen. And it would've given Andy an opportunity to film it.

Del didn't feel he necessarily had the right story for Tales from the Crypt, so he wrote a short story called "The Immortals," which I thought would've been cool to adapt, but then we found out they had to base their episodes on existing comics books. It never came to pass, but the story exists. When I think back about the Tales from the Crypt, Del's story was really exciting, and that's what it was all about: trying to figure out how to film that. Any story of Del's that gets adapted into a screenplay is going to be intense, especially if he's involved.

Del has a personal knowledge about most of the situations he writes about, and he has a love of the gutter from having been there. The short story called "Bloodlust" has a pretty vivid fight that you won't easily forget. "Adult Nature Material" was actually a sick idea of mine. I don't want to give too much away, but at the time he wrote it, Del was working in a porno theater and that's where the story takes place.

"Saltwater and Blood" is something close to Del's heart, since he is an avid opponent of gill net fishing. What I enjoyed most about that story was the description of the main character's fear and desperation as he's trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind.

Del is constantly exploring his own mind, and I'm always blown away when I read something he's written and realize how much thinking Del does about what goes on in other people's lives underneath the surface. He asks the questions most people don't like to think about, and he will always push certain boundaries. I've watched Del grow as an individual through his writing while constantly pushing his mind. There's a delicate balance of sympathy and disgust for the evil that makes each story interesting and different.

Personally, one of my favorite horror books - and I haven't really read that many in quite a while - was Stephen King's Night Shift. I'm not claiming to be a horror expert, but that book was a helluva lot of fun, and so is The Language of Fear. Years ago, I believed Del had a special talent, and after I'd finish reading one of his stories I'd be like, "Hey, are you going to get on this?" and try to motivate him to take it seriously.

Well, he did and I've had a blast with these stories, and in my opinion, The Language of Fear is the start of Del James's career as a fiction/horror writer. Be ready for some raw and emotionally disturbing horror.

Sincerely,

W. Axl Rose

November 21, 1993

Without You