#abbey would have been cool as hell too

[freaky-flawless]

Hot take: Rochelle should have been in Jinafire's place in Freaky Fusion.

[jd-loves-fiction]

𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥 (1)

➢  A new ghoul is summoned, they're small and unsure of who they want to be. The ghouls and ghoulettes help them figure it out while bringing them into their loving arms and showing them that no matter what path they choose, they will be loved.

➢ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: poly!nameless ghouls/ghoulettes x OC (Ghoulie)

➢ 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: fluff, smut (with a sprinkle of angst sorry) [series]

➢ 𝖜𝖈: 1.1k

➢ 𝖆/𝖓: 

➢⚠️: nothing in this chapter, besides swearing and vague descriptions of hell??

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 1 - 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

At first there's just pure heat. Nothing coherent, only instincts and pure fucking heat. But that's nothing new for a ghoul in Hell - what comes next, however, is.

Light flashes before the chosen ghoul’s unprepared eyes, followed by a rushing wind all around like her own personal tornado. And in a second there’s cool marble beneath her back and the light has faded to complete, all-encompassing darkness.

Whispers and soft toned speech sounds around the barely conscious ghoul once the horrendous ringing disappears. The poor creature is so drained but she is unable to so much as open her eyes let alone identify how many entities crowd the room or who (what) they are exactly.

And so she has little choice but to lay there and wait for her strength to return or for sleep to claim her mercifully.

It does so eventually, once the onlookers reach an agreement and she's raised into warm, sturdy arms. Resisting sleep after that would be no more than a fool's errand, so she allows it to take her with no complaints as she feels it start to tug at her exhausted– well everything.

Aether feels the vulnerable ghoul relax even further into his arms as he carries them to his room. He hopes his presence might ease their reaction to the new environment.

He still remembers parts of what Hell was like, despite how long it's been since he was summoned. It's hellish to say the least. Unbearably hot and filled with ghouls and wandering human souls. The first of which are everything but gentle or loving or much of anything really. They are no more than feral, scared little creatures, doing their utmost to survive.

There are no rules for ghouls in Hell, just instincts and pure fucking heat.

Compared to all that, the abbey must be the closest thing to Heaven a ghoul will ever get to experience. Despite this, there is no guarantee that the new ghoul will take well to this place, Satan knows Dew was an absolute handful when he was summoned.

Aether is careful with them, gently laying their naked body down on his bed but not yet covering them. The ghoul’s temperature is still far too high and clothes can be extremely irritating, if not painful, to one who’s not used to them.

After confirming that the nameless ghoul won’t be waking up any time soon, Aether gathers a large, cool glass of water and the biggest, softest shirt in his room. Sure, it’ll probably still feel somewhat uncomfortable but he’d rather avoid giving anyone (Swiss) ideas about playing with the new ghoul.

Such considerations inevitably have him thinking about it too as he looks over their barely twitching body. It’s not much different from what is customary of a ghoul to look like. The same pointy ears, same grayish, discolored look to their skin and a dark spaded tail.

But they’re just so tiny. Smaller than Dew! Aether takes a deep breath to will away any and all feelings stirring within his chest because of this information. Not the time.

He already feels like kind of a pervert for staring-- no, observing the newcomer so closely (even if he reasons to himself that he’s just checking for injuries).

Busying his mind with further observation, he finds that this ghoul lacks colored lines across their body which would indicate their element, and that one of their (once again, very small) horns is badly chipped. His heart tugs at the sight, he knows how badly that hurts.

Physically shaking away all previous thoughts of any kind, Aether, slowly, lightly dresses the ghoul in his shirt, before realizing that they’re out so cold only a bomb could wake them. And even then he can’t be sure they would.

Large hand gently resting on the ghoul’s skin, Aether finds its temperature adequate and pulls the covers up, taking mental stock of what he needs to tell the others - who will undoubtedly swarm him with questions that he will probably not be able to answer.

The ghoul is sleeping and with no apparent nightmares, which while unusual for recently summoned ghouls fresh off the fiery pits of Hell itself, is a huge relief. Their horn no longer has a point but other than that they are unscathed, which is also odd for such a lawless, merciless place. He is unable to establish a mental link so he does not know their name or how they’d like to be referred to as. And lastly, he has no clue what their element is.

He’s somewhat disappointed but not knowing much beats having to calm down a bloodlusty, feral ghoul.

Noticing that a strand of long black hair has fallen over their now twitching nose, Aether brushes it out of the way, feeling the heat of their face against his skin and catching himself staring again.

The lights are turned off and the door is closed as softly as possible before Aether loses himself to the point of having the ghoul wake up to him staring at them… that probably would not go well.

He gets no peace, however, as he’s immediately bombarded by the rest of his pack. Bombarded is a strong word for it; they are simply staring him down not so patiently and waiting for him to say something, anything.

“They’re sleeping fine, out like a rock. I didn’t get much else besides that.” He says honestly, watching as the most excited ghouls deflate in disappointment. It’s been awhile, something like many decades, since Sunshine was summoned so Aether doesn’t really blame them for forgetting how the new ghouls tend to be. The most they usually get is a name exhaled just before they pass out.

Swiss, Sunshine, Cumulus and Dew disperse, sitting heavily in various places around the common room. They’ll get over it pretty soon, Aether’s sure of it.

He sits next to Mountain and Rain on the couch with a sigh, “Any injuries we should worry about?” asks the earth ghoul while running his fingers through the water ghoul’s wavy hair.

“A chipped horn and nothing else, weirdly enough.” Mountain nods in response. None of them remembers much of the last summoning, except for the many burns and various injuries littering the newcomer's body.

"When do you think they'll be up?" Rain follows up, faking mild disinterest even though Aether caught his wide gaze the moment he stepped out of his room.

"I really wish I knew, Rainy. I really do." He tells the water ghoul honestly, watching as he nods in understanding.

Nothing else to do but wait.

[iamjucie]

Astarion the Musical

Today, I spent several hours creating a playlist that tells Astarion's story (a version of it) through songs. I want to share the playlist with you, along with this post as a companion to describe the context.

In my mind it plays out like a musical would- context and dialogue happening between musical numbers. I hope you enjoy.

Song explanations:

The Code: Post game Astarion introducing his story to the audience. A synopsis of his story from the POV of the person who lived through it. 

"I, I went to Hell and back To find myself on track I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh Like ammonites I just gave it some time Now I found paradise I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh"

The story starts when he is attacked by the Gur and is approached by Cazador.

The Killing Moon: Cazador turns him into his spawn.

"Under blue moon I saw you So soon you'll take me Up in your arms, too late to beg you Or cancel it, though I know it must be The killing time Unwillingly mine Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him"

Dead Arms & Dead Legs: After he has turned, coming to terms with his new undead self. 

"I have been out walking with these Dead Arms & Dead Legs And the mysteries of the universe are patterned in my head The terrain becomes unbearable - too steep to stick your heel I imagine myself here again in 50 million years I run to the left... I run to the right And all my fears become a life And what is left... and who are you in the end?"

Queer: He is seducing victims and luring them to Cazador using his body and charm.

"Hey boy, take a look at me Let me dirty up your mind I'll strip away your hard veneer And see what I can find The queerest of the queer The strangest of the strange The coldest of the cool The lamest of the lame The numbest of the dumb I hate to see you here You choke behind a smile A fake behind the fear The queerest of the queer"

The Dead Come Talking: Feeling guilt about the victims he led to death. He can't seem to forget them.

"Feel the worms eating holes through my mind Like regrets that'll kill me in time Walking backwards is always a guess Distant faces burn holes in my chest, mm-mm, mm-mm Shadows floating, they're out in the hall They still haunt you long after they're gone Buried in the basement, cold cement Dead come talking, can't put them to rest"

rises the moon: Montage of his life as a slave under Cazador, time passes and his hope for an escape becomes less and less. 

"Days seem sometimes as if they'll never end Sun digs its heels to taunt you But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same Rises the moon Days fade into a watercolour blur Memories swim and haunt you But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke Rises the moon"

Abbey: He is out in the city hunting, daydreaming of freedom. 

"There is a light, I feel it in me But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me There is a dream and it sleeps in me Keeps me awake in the night Crying, "Set me free" And I wake every night Crying, "Set me free" "

Kidnapped by the Nautiloid.  Nautiloid crashes. 

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In!: He wakes up at the crash site and is freaking out. He is in the sun, and not burnt to ash.

"This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this"

Meet Tav.

Survival: He realizes he has an actual chance at freedom now that he met Tav.

"You won't pull ahead I'll keep up the pace And I'll reveal my strength To the whole human race Yes, I am prepared To stay alive I won't forgive, the vengeance is mine And I won't give in Because I choose to thrive Yeah, I'm gonna win!"

Biting Down: Drinks Tav’s blood for the first time. His first time drinking blood from a thinking creature and he realizes why it was kept from him. He feels alive. He feels powerful.

"Skip a hit, don't make a sound (It feels better biting down) Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown (It feels better biting down) Listen to the beats resound (It feels better biting down) It feels better biting down (It feels better biting down)"

Little White Lies: Gaining Tav’s trust, making her fall in love with him for protection.

"Would you leave me for dead, or would you come to my aid? If I don't tell you some pretty words Should it keep you coming my way I never meant to lie, but there are things we do and say to get by Little white lies, a small surprise, how big they grow in size It all starts simple enough Your present is dark because your childhood was rough So you shed your skin and you change your name in the hopes of Putting air in between you and the pain, so grab a mask Fill up a flask, slither like a snake into the mascaraed"

Terrible Thing: Seduces Tav enough for her to sleep with him.

"I know what you're doin' here Made your intentions clear Oh you, you terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Beautiful thing Honey, you're so cold You left me on patrol Lose my self-control with you (when I'm with you) Do things I don't want to do, ooh"

Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!): Feelings for Tav are growing, and the guilt of manipulating her is starting to get to him so he tries to justify his actions.

"It doesn't take a killer to murder It only takes a reason to kill We've all got evidence of innocence, it's "everything's coincidence" The difference twixt fate and free will is whether you're singing Ooh, could you take a look at me? Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad? And now we're singing, ooh Whatever you think of me If you were in my shoes (yes, it's only natural!) You'd walk the same damn miles I do Oh, oh, right!"

Gilded Lily: After Tav does not force him to drink Araj’s blood. He is processing his trauma. He realizes that Tav cares for him more than anyone ever has.

"Haven't I given enough, given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart But I know you'll take me with you We'll live in spaces between walls Every city's got a graveyard The service bought and paid for Now I'm sleeping in the backyard Passing out as night turns into day"

Against the Kitchen Floor: He confesses to Tav that he was originally manipulating her but now has genuine feelings for her. He has never known the feeling of somebody wanting him for more than his body and he doesn't know how to handle it well.

"I don't owe you my heart And I don't owe you my body But you should know that I'm sorry For being careless with you Lord knows I owe you more Than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects Bottom shelf erotic products like me So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arm's length Or hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough Unlikely to be more than just the coal you fail to crush, and I swear, I'm really trying It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me I swear, I'm really trying Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet"

you should see me in a crown: They find out from Raphael what his scars on his back mean, and about the Ritual of Profane Ascension. He is fantasizing about what he would do if he managed to overtake it in private. He wants the power it would grant him.

"You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by You should see me in a crown Your silence is my favorite sound Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by one"

Perhaps Vampire is a Bit Strong But... : Astarion fights and confronts Cazador for the centuries of abuse he put him through. 

"'Cause all you people are vampires And all your stories are stale And though you pretend to stand by us I know you're certain we'll fail I've seen your eyes as they fix on me, full of confusion Your snarl is just so condescending Try to explain that we're onto a win If the fee we are in near recoups what we're spending"

He can choose to complete the ritual in Cazador’s place, or kill him. Tav convinces him to not go through with the ritual, he kills Cazador:

What Was I Made For?: He kills Cazador and doesn’t complete the ritual expecting a sense of relief and gratification but feels nothing. He thought he would feel free without a master to rule over him, but he feels lost.

"What was I made for? Hm 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try I don't know how to feel But someday I might Someday I might"

Two Coffins: He is coming to terms with Tav’s mortality. He is mourning the loss of the opportunity to have her forever by not going through with the ritual.

"Two coffins for sleep One for you one for me We'll get there eventually In the dark of our graves our bodies will decay I wish you'd never change How lucky I ever was to see The way that you smile at me Your little moon face shining bright at me One day soon there'll be nothing left of you and me Two coffins for sleep Two coffins for sleep All the things that I have yet to lose Will someday be gone soon Back into annihilation All things will fade Maybe it's better off that way I wish you'd stay with me"

Rain: For a moment, he regrets not going through with the ritual and feels a slight disdain for Tav for stopping him. This song is when he comes to realize it was the correct choice and is thanking her. He knows that he would have just become just like Cazador, and thanks to her he is breaking the cycle of abuse.

"For so long, I have waited So long that I almost became Just a stoic statue, fit for nobody And I don't wanna get in your way But I finally think I can say That the vicious cycle was over The moment you smiled at me"

My Instincts Are The Enemy: He is confiding in Tav that he wants to be with her forever, but explaining what that means for her. He is tied to the night, and she is tied to him. Is she ok with that?

"I'm paralyzed, engaged in civil war What can I do? Either way, I lose You lose, too Days are nights, and nights are unbearable What can I do? Chained to this mood You're chained to me Keep asking different questions The same answer I receive I need you more than ever To tell me what you've seen"

Sunlight: The Netherbrain is defeated and the tadpoles are gone from their minds. Without the tadpole he is now unable to withstand the sun. He is coping with the lack of sun by replacing it with Tav. From now on she is his sunlight.

"I had been lost to you, sunlight And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight But it is sunlight All the tales the same Told before and told again A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

Fin.

[rains-ritual-sacrifice]

nsfw Rain oneshot, 3705 words (i am new to tumblr and have no clue how to format lol) but enjoy!!! i usually draw instead of write soooo....

The silence of the abbey was nearly deafening, the only sounds being the muffled cicadas, crickets, and katydids out and about for the season, locked outside his windows. A late evening in his room quickly turned into a sleepless night for Rain, who was currently staring at the blank wall as he lay on his side in his roomy bed. The moon was at it's peak, it's cold light shining through his room and casting his lonely shadow along the stone wall. Rain sighed deeply and shifted to lay with his bare back against his sheets.

        What were you up to? Were you still awake too?

        He groaned and buried his face into his hands. You were the only thing he had been able to think about for weeks. Of course his heat had to show up before he could convince himself to move on from pining after you, his confidant, his best goddamn friend. He was used to how his cycle goes, the unbearable urge to hump and fuck until his chest heaved for breaths, his skin slick with his own sweat from the amount of strain his body was under. Rain slid his hands down his face with a sigh. What would your hands feel like on his skin? Cradling his jaw as you leaned in, your scent strong due to his heightened sense of smell, courtesy of his cycle? Would your fingers feel feather-light along his skin? Or would you press your fingers roughly into his jaw and pull him in close? Even that thought was enough for his body to react inappropriately.

        Any sane person would be asleep at this hour, obviously you were in bed. He cursed under his breath, feeling like an absolute pervert. He couldn't help but think of you asleep, hair splayed out on the pillow underneath your head, your lips parted ever-so-slightly as your chest rose and fell with every breath, and your eyes peacefully shut as you dreamed. He'd seen you in the mornings in your sweatpants and oversized shirt (and occasionally short shorts during the warmer months) but he was still left to wonder. Did you really sleep in that? Or were there nights so hot in the abbey that you had no choice but to strip down to your bare skin? The warmer months were perfectly capable of doing that, hell, he himself has slept naked on multiple occasions. Even in this moment the heat was enough for him to just wear boxers, the August humidity and his heat's increase in body temperature were not helping.

        The moonlight would look so beautiful against the curves of your breasts and hips... the valley of your waist... the shine of the saliva on your lips, but you were infinitely more stunning than the glittering reflection. The thought of seeing your naked body in his dark room, only illuminated by the nighttime stars made his body involuntarily shiver. Rain shifted awkwardly in his bed to sit up with his back against the cool wooden headboard of his bed. He was starting to chub up, his half-hard dick pressing on the fabric of his boxers as he continued to fight his lustful thoughts of you, and failing miserably.

          This. These thoughts, as tame as they were, could easily make a ghoul in heat fall to pieces. It didn't take much for Rain to get hard during his cycle, the need to find a mate and breed consumed his thoughts for the days it took to pass, even the smallest things would stir that familiar ache in his core. Little things like the your scent on the breeze as you passed him in the hallways, now stuck in his head for the rest of the day until he was free to hide away in his room for the night, fucking into his hand while pretending it was you.

        He could only imagine the scent of your arousal.

        Sickeningly sweet with that slightly bitter tang that would keep him crawling back on his knees for more. The water ghoul craved that slickness, running his tongue up your inner thigh as you squirmed underneath his touch, quietly pleading for more.         Rain groaned at the sight of his now fully-hard erection. Running a hand through his hair, he snaked the other one down to rest on his abdomen, feeling the heat radiating off of his skin. He could feel his cheeks were flushed as pink as the swollen head of his cock. The strain of his sensitive tip against the fabric of the boxers was almost painful to him, and the idea that it couldn't be you touching him just increased his frustrations. He wanted to lock those thoughts away, he didn't want this sexual obsession of his to create a rift between the two of you. After all, it was you he confided in when you first joined the ministry, he had found someone he could really talk to, share his secrets, spill his guts, dump any of his fears onto without being afraid of being abandoned. He trusted you, supported you, loved you... lusted after you.

        He hadn't even noticed his fingers stroking through the tuft of soft hair trailing up from the waistband of his boxers, inching further and further down. Rain leaned his head back and shut his eyes in an attempt to escape his obscene thoughts. Maybe he could just go to bed instead?

        Of course his head conjured the sight of you between his knees while he lay back on the bed and watched you, your fingers being the ones to trail down his abdomen in a teasing manner. Your beautiful eyes pierced through his soul, he had no clue if he'd be able to look at them while you went down on him with a teasing gaze- the intimacy of that itself had the ghoul almost on edge. Stupid rut. Your hands, warm and soft, as they graze his skin and you lower the waistband of his-

        Rain's eyes snapped open and he shoved his boxers down off his thighs with a low, irritated growl. This was unbearable. He thought back to the idea that maybe you were still awake too. Humans don't experience heats the way ghouls do, sure, but that didn't mean you weren't a sexual being. If you were awake, could you be getting off too? His slender fingers make their way down to the base of his shaft and slowly tease the idea of wrapping around it. His breath hitched and his mind immediately goes back to you, the possibility that you could be doing this to yourself right now as well. What did you think of when you touched yourself? Was this lustful pining a mutual pain or were you better than the absolute creep he was, masturbating to you while you were most likely fast asleep in your bed? He bit the inside of his cheek, enough to draw a metallic taste.

        Did those hours upon hours of deep conversation sit with you the way it did with him? Rain lived for those moments, hearing you talk about literally anything was pure music to his ears. His fondness of you went beyond friendship, but it was also way more than simply wanting sex, he wanted a relationship. He valued you more than he thought you knew, valued every little thing about you. The way your eyes would light up when you spoke of your current interests, the way your sad eyes always sought him out for his comforting hugs when you needed someone, the way your cheeks flushed whenever he gave you the smallest of praise or compliments, it all sent a radiating warmth throughout his chest that lingered for the hours to come. The small splash of color that adorned your cheeks made him feel like he was floating. What pretty shade would they be while you desperately moaned his name from beneath him?

        His fingers gently grazed along his frenulum to the head, the slow, calculated movement causing his dick to twitch impatiently. He let out a shaky breath as his fingertips, calloused from years of playing bass guitar, traced along the slit currently dribbling with the small beads of thick, nearly clear liquid. Rain was quite satisfied with his cock, it wasn't too big- average sized as far as he was aware, had a slight curve, and a visible vein towards the bottom of his shaft that throbbed whenever he pressed against it.

        But would you like it? Would you think it was good enough?

        A small groan escaped his lips, his other hand gripping the sheets beside him. He could see it, your searing gaze as your tongue trace along his cock, stopping to place little kisses as you neared the sensitive tip. Satanas, the hungry look in your eyes as you drooled over the sight of him hard for you. He wasn't one of the tallest ghouls, so being able to look down at you seated between his knees sent a jolt of energy through his core, an intense, powerful energy that the shy little water ghoul was pretty unfamiliar with, but maybe it was just the same effect of his heat like how wanting to breed your tight hole probably was.

        Having kits was never completely out of the question for him, but he didn't particularly want them anytime soon. He'd probably want to settle down and get married before even entertaining the idea. But he was lucky that human and ghoul biology wasn't compatible, because he wanted to fuck all of his cum into you and push any that dripped out of your spent pussy back in with his fingers, slowly fucking it right into you as you whined from the overstimulation of the multiple orgasms he was determined to give you.

        Rain exhaled harshly and shook the thought from his head, it was gross and stupid and he had no clue if this was even something you would ever want. He wished his thoughts of you could just stay platonic, but it would be cruel to deny himself of the pleasures of jerking himself off as he dreamed of you naked in his bed. Maybe he could think of this act as a form of appreciation- for having the same great taste in literature as him, for the way you make him laugh without fail, for the kindness you extended to everyone in the clergy, and for that damn outfit you wore to Aether's birthday party last week. You hadn't worn a bra underneath it, unwilling to ruin the sleek look of a strapless dress, which made your chest softly bounce with each sudden movement and left him able to make out the faint outline of your nipples underneath the ocean-blue fabric. That fucking dress was the real reason he had left so suddenly, not because he had forgotten an appointment, which he quickly made with his junk instead as soon as he was able to. He whimpered quietly as his fingers took the slickness that had been dripping down and used it to easily slide his hand slowly up and down his tense, aching cock.

        Oh, what he'd do to have taken you out to the hallway during that party just to feel you up. Only if you wanted it, of course. He could never let himself do anything you didn't like, he would be eternally grateful to even just kiss you right now. Those beautiful lips that spoke his name. The vanilla lip-balm you carried made your lips look so wonderfully soft, which only made him crave the taste of your lips on his even more. He wanted to grab you by the waist and hold you against him, burying his face in your hair and finally smelling that intoxicating scent that tortured him. He wanted to slide his hands further down to your hips and around to squeeze your ass, relishing the small surprised noise it was sure to bring from you. Maybe you'd have let him eat you out in that hallway, your back pressed against the cool stone wall of the abbey while his face was buried between your trembling thighs. The thought of getting caught was exciting, no? He'd have to move fast, his tongue pressed flat against your wet cunt as he licked up to your clit. It would be so easy to work diligently with the sounds of you trying to muffle your sweet moans through your hand egging him on.

        His strokes were still relatively slow, but he knew he would have to give in eventually. With a soft groan he tilted his head back against the headboard and continued jerking himself off, feeling the soreness in his scrotum grow as he kept himself from going any faster. He wanted that false image of you and him to stay in his head forever, he craved you carnally in a way that made him prefer torturing himself to the image of you in his head rather than giving himself the quick and satisfying release he so desperately needed. Heat or not, it made is impossible to sleep most nights- exactly like tonight.

        Rain desperately wanted you to use him. Anything you wanted, he would do, as long as it pleased you.

        What would you like? Rain longed for you to take his hand and show him exactly that, taking his hands to move them along your body for him to memorize every inch and sweet spot and perfect imperfection. You'd take his hand to your core and manipulate his fingers to stroke yourself, leading them down against your sensitive nub while whimpering softly under your breath the entire time. The thought of you pushing them into your slick hole to finger-fuck you made him absolutely weak. He would spend hours trailing his hands across your naked skin if it meant he could learn how to please you in every way that mattered. He'd honestly beg for you to teach him. As for him? He wouldn't care if you were experienced or not. To him, it only mattered if you cared about him the same way he did for you. Never touched a guy before? He'd probably be the better option out of the other ghouls. Mountain was usually considered 'too big' for most people, Aether could easily get carried away, Swiss was... intense to say the least, and Sodo was an absolute heathen in the sheets. Aurora might be small but she was sometimes too excitable, Cumulus's eagerness could also be overwhelming, and Cirrus actually might've been okay, but Rain's stomach twisted at the thought of any of the other ghouls even coming close enough to touch you. It made him angry.

        What the fuck was that all about? Rain's hand stuttered mid-stroke as he processed his possessive thoughts. He didn't own you, no one did. He let out a frustrated sigh when he realized it one of the countless stupid effects of his heat, it always brought out the most primal ghoul behaviors, making him feel like an animal instead of a civilized creature. The urge to claim you as his mate and keep you from the others, pamper you with a variety of gifts and affection, and stuff you full of his cum to breed you full of his kits was all part of the lovely week and a half he dealt with every few months since adolescence. He should be used to it by now, the grueling days of trying not to get at least half-hard whenever you grazed past him or whenever your fingers touched his for the most mundane of reasons, but he very much wasn't. It was just the other day when he had lost track of the time and accidentally hit your shoulder when he rushed down the hall, knocking your phone from your hand and sending it clattering to the ground. It was fine, but you had both gone after it and he had reached it first so as he handed it back to you, your fingers had momentarily touched his. He could clearly remember the embarrassed flush of your face as he apologized, the way your quiet 'thanks' had been awkward yet so genuine as you quickly kept walking down the hall. Rehearsal could wait, he had decided, as he rushed to the nearest bathroom to take care of the hard-on he now pathetically had over that small interaction.

        His hand picked up the pace and he pretended it was yours.

        Rain wanted to fuck you. He wanted to fuck you so bad it was humiliating. He was done trying to let go of those awful, sinful, whorish thoughts that tainted his mind, fuck it, he just needed to let it all out. His grip firmed around his length and he breathed a shaky exhale.

        It all clouded his mind, the sight of those vanilla lip-balm touched lips, the graze of your hand on his in that hallway, the scent of your shampoo as he walked past you every single day, that stupid goddamn fucking dress he just wanted to tear off of you- it consumed him. He imagined getting you alone and being able to throw you onto his bed and push down that beautiful blue fabric to just below your tits, eagerly leaving sloppy kisses from your neck to your collarbones to the curve of your breasts. The small pleasured sounds would be fucking heaven to his ears. What he'd give to run his tongue across your pert nipples, taking one roughly between his teeth as you cried out.

        But it wasn't enough. He needed to hitch your deliciously revealing dress up your thighs so he could get to your panties, see that tantalizing wet spot growing from between your legs. Your thighs would fit perfectly in his strong hands as his fingers dug into your skin and held you in place so he could take the waistband in his teeth and pulled it down to slowly to savor the sight. Rain doubted he would be able to hold back at that point, greedily pushing you open to taste your wet cunt. He needed more, and he would assume you wanted it too. Your trembling fingers would run through his hair as you pulled his face closer, his tongue harder against your clit, desperate for more stimulation as you were brought closer and closer to the brink. He'd pull away the moment your near-climax panting became too obvious to ignore, letting that wave of pleasure disappear before it could even wash over you yet. You didn't have to worry though, Rain wasn't done with you.

        "Fuck-" He breathed, whining softly at the building in his core. It was sad he couldn't spill it all into you. Breeding you, ugh, what a fucking dream. Yeah, he'd fill you up, unloading creampie after creampie until it seeped from your hole and down your shaking thighs, bent over with your ass in the air. That image, Satanas, made his dick twitch in excited affirmation. He knew it would be pointless to push it all back in with his fingers, he was aware that ghouls and humans couldn't bear offspring anyway, but it filled him with a sense of pride in knowing you were marked as his (In the least-possessive way he could manage right now, of course, while his mind was absorbed by his damned ghoulish biological urges).

        With a heated growl he sat up and pushed himself onto his knees, now leaning forward on his bed as he steadied himself with one hand tangled in his sheets and his throbbing cock in the other. His wrist twisted up and down his length as more precum leaked from the tip onto his hand, not slowing down his satisfying swift pace. His damp hair fell into his eyes, the sweat beading on his forehead as he panted through the feeling of his impending orgasm.

          "Please- please, please, please..." Rain murmured to himself in a near-frantic whisper. "Satan, please, let me cum, I need to cum." His hips jerked involuntarily into his slick palm and he bit back a moan. Why couldn't it be you? He needed it to be your hand around him, not his. Fuck that, he needed it to be your wet cunt squeezing around his cock and milking him dry, orgasm, after orgasm, after fucking orgasm. He whined as his arm fought to continue supporting his weight through the feverish motions of fucking his dick into his firm grasp.

        "That's right... yeah... that's right, just like that-" He continued his frenzied muttering through his soft, desperate moans. He pictured you sat across from him, thrusting your fingers inside yourself as he watched you, your pleasured expressions flushed across your face with your quiet pleas for him to take you. That was enough.

        "I'm gonna fucking cum, fuck, I'm gonna~" The thrusts into his hand grew sloppy, his breathing erratic as his strangled whimpers filled the quiet room.

        Rain cried out your name over and over again as his cock pulsed, spilling ample amounts of his thick release across his sheets. His head felt fuzzy and he cursed out at his lust and now-lessened sexual frustrations that brought him to this point. He leaned back on his knees and brushed his hair from his forehead that was slick from his exertion. He sat, catching his breath for a minute, and looked at the pathetic mess he had made (and would now need to deal with). Being a water ghoul made this process so much... wetter than necessary. Saying he was disappointed in himself would be an understatement. He hated thinking about anyone in those ways, it made him feel dirty, and with you it was so, so much worse. He didn't want to look at his best friend like some fuckable toy, he needed you as more than that, but he certainly wasn't acting that way right now. He grumbled to himself and stared at the sheets. Pathetic.

        The room was quiet again. With a tired sigh he got up to start cleaning up his mess and hopefully get some sleep before he had to relive this scenario all over again tomorrow night. 

[theteasetwrites]

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon | S1E2 Thoughts

⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD ⚠️ do not read below the cut unless you’re okay with spoilers

Positive Thoughts

The opening scenes in Paris at the start of the outbreak? Genuinely got my heart pumping and my adrenaline rushing. I was actually freaked out. I wish TWD would have shown the outbreak actually happening more than they did. It would've been really interesting to see how each character ended up at the quarry, going all the way back to season 1 of TWD, but that's irrelevant lol

Camerawork is crazy good??? I mean, I don't really know anything about cameras but I thought that there were some really cool dynamic shots, especially in the flashbacks.

Isabelle is growing on me a LOT. I am so glad she is turning out to be her own character so far. I mean, I don't completely trust her because I think she definitely has her own agenda (can't really blame her), but I like her character. She hasn't annoyed me once which is crazy because even DARYL has annoyed me a few times in this episode lol

I loved the little detail of Sylvie being at the abbey when Isabelle arrives with Lily. Just a cool little detail where we see a little bit of Sylvie's story, too

The entire concept of Laurent being born to a walker is cool as hell and idc what anyone says. I wonder if him being born to a walker actually has some kind of effect on him. Of course, my first thought goes to maybe he is immune or something, or he carries the cure to the virus in his blood. I am so excited to see how that pans out. Idc if it's "ripping off" TLOU (I don't think it is tbh)

Speaking of Laurent, I have a newfound appreciation for him. He's so cute and sweet, and I felt bad for him when the children were picking on him

Lou's group is SO COOL. I love that they're a little group of children who raised themselves. Kinda reminds me of Jocelyn's kids from season 9 of TWD, but less evil. MUCH less evil. Not evil at all, actually. They remind me of the Lost Boys from the movie Hook, which is based on Peter Pan. That dinner scene was especially reminiscent of that for me

Daryl being undercover as a priest LOLIONGJWKDS

Daryl has some amazing sassy/cute moments in this episode. I think my personal favorite is when he loudly slurps down the soup at the dinner table. I also loved the little detail of Daryl starting to eat before everyone else/before they said grace, signifying how Daryl doesn't really have good table manners (which I love). It's so cute when he starts saying the prayer with food already in his mouth lol

And Norman's acting in this episode was once again so good. There's a scene when they're watching the TV where the camera slowly zooms in on Daryl. His smile begins to fade and you can just see in his eyes how much he misses home, and how much he wishes he could be with his family, even Merle, who he is probably thinking about, too, since he used to watch the show with him.

DARYL USING A MORNINGSTAR DARYL USING A MORNINGSTAR DARYL USING A MORNINGSTAR DARYL USING A MORNINGSTAR DARYL US--

That annoying American was slightly entertaining. Mostly annoying but slightly entertaining as well

Daryl and Laurent are very cute. I love how Daryl sort of relates to him in that they were both outcasts as children

Negative Thoughts

There are a few things Daryl does in this episode that rubbed me the wrong way just a tad bit. Of course I still love him but I just don't understand some of his decisions lol. Like when he let the mule go instead of just getting off his ass and taking out those walkers. He could've done it! Especially with the help of Isabelle and Sylvie. They probably could've taken out that herd without sacrificing the mule. Just kind of a stupid decision imo. Unnecessarily cruel too. I also didn't get why Daryl locked Lou in that shed. Kinda not cool? He could've just said, "hey, you stay back and I'll handle this." I didn't really see the point in having him do that :/ and he lies a lot to Lou and the kids in order to get what he wants. I mean, I get that he doesn't owe anything to these kids, but still... just seems a little callous. It's giving Carol vibes lol. They're basically making Daryl do things the way Carol does them—by lying, manipulating, and being cruel to children. I like Daryl because of his kindness, not this weird deceitfulness that he has going on suddenly. Again, I get that he is in a foreign place and these are all strangers to him so why should he care, but it just really doesn't seem like our Daryl. Other than that, I liked Daryl a lot in this episode, but there were just some little things I didn't vibe with

This episode did seem to veer away from the main plot quite a bit. I wonder if Lou's group will return later to help Daryl and the others in his group, or if they were just a one and done storyline. While I loved this little adventure, it did seem to not really add to the overall arc, and the little scene at the end with Codron walking around the abbey did seem a bit shoehorned just to remind us of the actual plot, but who knows?

Neither Positive Nor Negative Thoughts

So lets talk about the bed scene. Idk. I didn't hate it because I didn't see anything romantic there between Daryl and Isabelle, BUT it was a little like... can't you guys just have there be two beds lol. I really just think it's baiting, once again. I don't feel any romantic connection between them, and I don't think the show is necessarily trying to get that across to us, but I do think that they're like "well if people do think this is a romance, it will get them to continue watching the show and see if they get together!" So basically I think it's just a way to get people interested, but I don't think anything will happen. I think they will stay friends, otherwise it would be very awkward, at least from the way their relationship is so far

That's about all I have to say I think! Thanks for reading my thoughts. Hoping to get Chapter 2 of Begin Again out before the next episode, but no promises <3

[copiousloverofcopia]

I have RISEN from the dead....

Lol just kidding...but----I am here with some new content!!!!

Here is the first chapter of my fairytale level fan fiction for @ashley-ghuleh featuring their OC Marcus and Secondo!!!

Thank you so much Ghestie for the opportunity to bring Marcus to life! I hope you and everyone else enjoys!!!!

The Hell Torn Heart

After a recurring dream leaves Marcus, a half-demon/half-hellhound, dealing with the ghosts of his troubled past and visions of a place he has never been. He is unexpectedly thrust into an unknown world. Guided by a mysterious couple to the Ministry, surrounded by ghouls and siblings of sin. The once outcast struggles with what haunts him and learning to find himself—until he meets Secondo.

Chapter 1: The Dreams

Also available HERE on AO3!

Read below the cut! (Eventually will be NSFW)

They would leave as swiftly as they came. Leaving beads of sweat along Marcus's brow and a cold chill running down his spine. His mind, unraveling night after night with the things that haunted him. The dreams had reared their ugly head once again.  

Last night was different, however, though it had started just the same. Dreams of his father, to Marcus nothing but a glorified sperm donor, who just so happened to impart half his infernal roots. Visions of his cold, intimidating stares and the sting of his hand, thankfully fading as Marcus stirred on his mattress. Its comfort, only one step up from the bare floor. 

Then came the dream of her. Always the same and as haunting as it was emotional. A woman, one he knew only for a short time, but who held his heart for a lifetime—calling out to him from the abyss. Her bright eyes and dark hair, like the mysterious void that was the night sky. Filled with celestial bodies, burning with the fury of creation. She was holding his hand, though it looked quite a bit smaller held in her palm than it truly was now. Marcus, only a young child when he lost her—his mother. 

She showed him a place. One he had never seen before. Built like an old castle and hidden deep within a thick forest of trees. Filled with secrets he could feel, carried on the wind as it swept through his cobalt hair. It was a  vision of grandeur. The massive, arched double doors and stone walls—impressive as they carefully approached. The fascia, all covered in years of history, draped in ivy and sweet smelling bougainvillea.

It was an old Abbey, or at least it appeared so. The steeple, adorned with an inverted cross, with what appeared to be a "G", standing proudly atop the roof. He recognized it instantly as a place of worship, but of what Marcus was unclear. His eyes, crawling over it before staring at the countless stained glass windows that shimmered in the light—beckoning him to continue.

He was in awe of it, feeling it somehow both ominous and inviting. Marcus could feel his mother squeeze his hand when he stopped to take it all in. Urging him to continue when his instinct forced him to stop. Worried about what dangers may lurk beyond the doors that stood before them. Trusting his mother enough to continue on despite his better judgment.

As they reached the stairway, Marcus froze once again. His heart, pounding hard behind his ribs. The mystery felt too great, too heavy as it weighed on his mind. What would happen if he dared to go inside?

"Go on…Marcus…find this place. Be happy." His mother whispered. He began slowly ascending the steps, taking a moment to breathe in the cool air that surrounded him before turning around to find he was alone. Now appearing as the age he was now. His mother, no longer standing behind him when Marcus finally summoned the will to bring his hand to the door. Turning the knob and then, like every time before—waking up.

Just like that, the blast of his alarm hit. Blaring incessantly as Marcus rolled over. Trying desperately to drown out the noise with a pillow pressed firmly over his head. His sensitive ears, ringing no matter how well he tried to muffle the sound.   

"Argh…fucking hell." He whined, rising up and scratching his head. Choosing to sit up and turn off the abomination as he succumbed to his waking. It was already after 4 in the afternoon and his aching head was happy to remind him of the bad decisions made the night before. "Guess it's time to get up." He yawned before managing to drag himself out of bed. 

It had been weeks now since the dreams started again. Each time, slightly different than the last. The dreams of his abusive father, which were thankfully overshadowed by the ones with his mother, filling him with anger and resentment. Replaced each night, when her ghost would visit him, leaving him feeling both broken, and whole all at once. Curious as to why she seemed to be begging him to go inside that place. An old Abbey that he had never even seen before. 

For now he would have to shrug it off. Shaking off the intrusive thoughts that nagged at him as a dog shakes off the water from its coat. He splashed some cold water on his face to help collect himself, grateful that his glamour had managed to hold up so well with his failing mental state. He slapped on a bit of eye liner and ran a comb through his hair before grabbing his cropped leather jacket. Swinging his case, filled with his prized white, heritage guitar, over his shoulder before heading out the door.

He was on his way to a small bar in Berlin, one that had been there long before the wall came down. The Hundekeller, was a small and insignificant place to most, but Marcus knew better. It was here that the most colorful characters humanity had to offer, convened. In this small, somewhat sketchy place Marcus had acquired all manner of interesting encounters. 

Marcus would often recall the time when he met the guy who carried around his pet spider inside his waistcoat pocket. Old Snippet he called him, a big tarantula that had the rest of the patrons keeping their distance. Or the time the long-legged woman, dressed in furs and sequins for days, flirting with him from the other end of the bar turned out to be a former U.S. spy during the war. Regardless of its bizarre and, at times, unsavory surroundings it felt more like home than his flat.

Marcus strolled over at a leisurely pace, passing the bokeh of street lights and cars as he lit up his first cig for the day. Relishing the taste of the sweet tobacco as he drew the smoke into his lungs. He was on his way to spend yet another night playing his guitar, once the paid act had taken their leave of course. Ready to sniff out all the interesting smells he’d encounter. He sat down as usual, inconspicuously in the back of the room and watched as people began filing in.  

The frequenters took their usual spots. The gentleman who always wore a red teddy, hidden under his blazer, sat down at his booth and Fräulein Elsa managed to slide right into her spot—a lone stool at the far end of the bar. All of them, settling in before the show and leaving only a few empty seats, for anyone else curious enough to enter, before the band began to play. This time the band played some sort of whiskey rock. The type that crosses rock with notes of country. Not Marcus’s usual taste, but the sound at least didn’t bother him while he waited. He watched almost in a daze as they performed, song after song. All by himself, as it was every night, until Ash came over to say hi. 

“You know one of these days you’re gonna be up there performing as the headliner, if only you’d give yourself some credit Welpe.” he told him. Leaning back to pop his back and rolling up his sleeves before picking up a crate from the back of the room. 

“Yeah…well I doubt it, old man. I’d hardly call what you all got going on in here “headliners” but whatever you say…not that you care but I also kinda like keeping to myself.” Marcus replied, giving Ash a shit-eating grin before the short, purple-haired man with the faint hint of subtle for a beard, headed back to his station. The bar keep was usually the only one Marcus ever talked to, and quite frankly might have been the only one he’d ever considered a friend. It wasn’t easy with his lineage, trying desperately to maintain his glamour, never allowing anyone too close. Worried that might see him for what he really was, a hound of hell. 

It was his mother’s wish that he grow up to be like them–the humans who had been nothing but kind to her. Unlike his father who had made both their lives miserable from the moment he was knitted within her womb. No—meaningless sex and a few well spread out acquaintances were far more manageable he thought. Refusing to ever be close enough to someone to get hurt again. 

As the night went on, Marcus remained in his thoughts. The traces of his dreams, still lingering in the forefront of his mind and the ache in his chest from the visions of his mother, kept him even more reclusive than usual. Wondering to himself if maybe tonight he should have just  stayed at home. Then, just as he rose from his stool and readied himself to leave he caught wind of it.

A scent unlike anything he’d smelled there before. A scent—like his own. It was metallic with hints of charred wood. Otherworldly, a scent he had worked hard to mask, flooding his nostrils as he scanned the room. His eyes fell over the audience as the band finished playing their last tune. 

“That's weird.” he whispered to himself. Shaking it off, convinced that he’d been imagining things. Before he knew it, it was finally time. The sparsely filled room, emptying to a mere handful of filled seats as he took the stage. Marcus said nothing as he took a short moment to tune his guitar. Strumming until he confirmed the notes hit just right. 

He began his song, nothing award winning, but one he had been tinkering with for some time now. Melodic and moody, he played—closing his eyes to feel the vibrations from it. He had refused to sing, his music serving almost as background noise for those who had found one reason or another to stay at Hundekeller. It wasn’t until he finished his second to last song, opening his eyes to the audience, that he saw them sitting together in the front row. 

There were two of them, a man and a woman. The man, quite bulky and handsome, though he  looked as if he were more than a force to be reckoned with. The woman, curvy with a mess of blonde curly hair atop her head. Radiating sweetness—almost bubbly as she listened to him play. Bouncing around in her chair when Marcus began the next song.

He struggled not to stare. The two mysterious strangers, maintaining eye contact with him, breaking only in moments when they would talk to one another. It left Marcus with an odd feeling burrowing in his gut. Something was different about them, but he couldn't be sure what.

He tried to press on, finding a way to distract himself from them when he happened to catch sight of a photo illuminated on the man’s phone. The image on the screen seared into Marcus’s brain as he watched the man show it to her. It was the building from his dreams. He struggled his way through it and the moment his set was up, he bounded off the stage and into one of the chairs at their table. Mad-looking and wide eyed as the man began to speak.     

“Well hello.” the man laughed, his hand gracing the shoulder of his female companion. 

“I—ah—I.” Marcus stammered, unable to explain himself with any sense of sanity. 

“I think he’s at a loss for words, Aeth.” the woman said, rising up from her chair to find a new seat right next to Marcus. “You alright there?” she asked him. 

“Of course he is, just might not have even seen someone as devastatingly beautiful as you Luss.” Aether mused, eliciting the eyeroll of a century from Cumulus. Marcus sat in silence, almost overwhelmed with the scent he noticed before, trying his best not to drop his glamour and give himself away as he got lost in it. Finally he swallowed back the knot in his throat, trying to gather himself before speaking again. How could it possibly be a coincidence that they smelled the way they did—and more so that they had an image of a place that, until now, had only existed in his dreams. 

“I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me.” Marcus managed to get out, rubbing at the old scar tissue gracing the back of his head. A callback to another night where his mischievousness got the better of him.

“It’s alright doll. I’m Cumulus by the way…but you can call me Luss if you want–and this is Aether.” she told him, taking his hand in hers. She was soft and kind. Marcus was bewitched by her almost instantly. Had he swung that way, she would have definitely been his type. Aether looked over to her, the two of them communicating something between them. Though their lips remained completely sealed. 

“The photo…on your phone…” Marcus started, unable to continue. Struggling to find the words to explain his interest in it. 

“Oh you mean this?” Aether said, showing Marcus the image again. It was of the Abbey from his dreams, though much less secluded looking. The image, filled with nuns and what looked like priests. A sprinkling among them of people who appeared to be wearing masks on the front steps. Their hands held up as if they were waving at them–a friendly hello to their far away friends. Instantly his interest was piqued, even more than before. 

“Where is that?” Marcus asked, watching as both Aether and Cumulus smiled at one another and turning back to him. Aether put his hand on Marcus’s shoulder, winking at him before he would explain. 

“That, my friend, is home.” he told him. 

“It looks so familiar…I think I have been there before.” Marcus continued, staring at the photo until Cumulus managed to recapture his attention. Resting her face on her hand and she continued on talking to him.

“Oh? Well, do you travel around much?” she asked.

“Not really, I have been here most of my life.” Marcus said, nervously chuckling with his words.

“Well now..that is interesting. You see…our home is in Italy. Not sure how you might have seen it if you have never left before, but hey you never know.” Cumulus said, looking over to Aether and giving him a wink. “Anyways… I just have to tell you…ah…” Cumulus began as she waited for him to give her his name.

“Marcus.”

“Ah yes…well Marcus, you have a lot of talent you know.” she continued, “...you play that guitar like a lover. I know a lot of people who could appreciate a talent like that.” 

“Really?” Marcus exclaimed, worried he might have misheard her. Feeling the heat of his anxiety building up inside him.  

“Really… I mean listen kid, I like your style and clearly Luss does too. Maybe you should come see the show our band is doing over at the Olympiastadion in Munich tomorrow night. I think our boss would love to hear you play and maybe we can talk more about the Abbey. What do you say? Entry on us—”

“Wait really?” Marcus asked him, thrilled at the prospect. The anxiety grew as he continued to desperately keep up his appearance. Then he realized something, “hey, isn’t that the Ghost show?” 

“Oh, so you’ve heard of us?” Cumulus asked excitedly. 

“I have…but I will be honest I haven’t listened to anything. Just heard about Ghost in passing. I would still love to come. I have never been to such a big show before…that is iif…if you will still allow me?” Marcus whimpered, hoping his admission hadn’t ruined his chances. 

“No worries…” We will have your tickets waiting for you at the box office kid…see you tomorrow?” Aether asked as he motioned for Cumulus to stand up with him. Grabbing his jacket, and helping her with hers, before they would be headed off. Marcus jumped up from his seat and nodded. The excitement coursed through him as he watched them push in their chairs. Finally now he might have some answers—and even if he didn’t, he might as well at least have a good time. 

“See you there.”

Notes:

The Hundekeller- Hound Cellar 

Fräulein- Unmarried German woman

Puppy-Welpe

Olympiastadion- Concert venue in Munich, Germany

[lidathedefiant]

After much research on the Plan of St. Gall and Benedictine monastic life, I have completed the first floor of the monastery as it would've looked during its height of operations, roughly 200 years, give or take, before Lida et al. find it on their travels. I will be making another floor plan showing it in ruins.

Something to note is that this is where they encounter the terror-feeder, because the Northern Reaches really was the gods' DeviantArt page. Though I modeled this on Christian monastic life, the experiences of these monks are fundamentally different and far less ascetic so I made some fundamental changes.

Let me take you through some of the design choices I made!

Directional focus is the Overlook of the Gods, so southwest. The cathedral points in that direction as do both chapels.

Original Benedictine monasteries had very limited access points to the inner sanctum. I modified this with a few extras, but I still maintained some separation between the acolytes and monks.

Which leads me to the big main storage room. This was actually a surprising distance from the kitchens in the Plan of St. Gall.

The original kitchen had no outside access, iirc, but was separated from the main building by a hallway. I maintained this here, as it was a pragmatic and not religious decision; kitchen fires wiped out a hell of a lot of monasteries and abbeys before they moved the building off. Now they still maintained zero outside kitchen access, condemning anyone trapped in the kitchen to death, but I digress.

Monasteries were fully self-sufficient. This bad boy would’ve had crops and livestock and breweries. I did not want to design all that out because it would be gone by the time Lisa et al. arrive, but I did keep chambers for the brothers-in-service.

This place would have had an old men’s rest home to account for. Remember, part of the reason this monastery is so popular and well-maintained is because there’s too many men born in the Northern Reaches. (Don’t ask me why, I’m working on it.) So they would’ve had services for old impoverished men who couldn’t marry and had no families. I’m giving them three men assigned to the role and then an additional six that are cycled through the ranks to fulfill the mitzvah (for lack of a better word) of caring for others.

I eliminated the Benedictine conversation rooms, as Lida monks are free to talk, but kept the warming room out of practicality. It would be prohibitively costly to maintain fires everywhere. In monasteries that had dormitories, monks typically slept over the warming room, which will happen here. But unlike the ascetic Benedictines, I’ve given the brothers-in-service and others sleeping in beds far from the warming room little furnaces.

The conservatory is also not a traditional Benedictine room. My boyfriend asked the question of whether the era (roughly modeled on the Middle Ages) would’ve had such tech, which is absolutely valid, but the gods gave them a lot of knowledge. Also, greenhouses in general date back to 30 AD, when the Romans did it before it was cool.

Now we get to the big question: what the hell is up with the arcana rooms? Well, I may have jumped the shark. In constructing this on Inkarnate, I saw they had summoning circles, and I wondered, what if they had been practicing forbidden magic? Not magic outlawed by the Magisterium, but the one form of magic outlawed by the gods? What if they had accidentally summoned the terror-feeder from cryo underneath the Overlook of the Gods and this was their downfall?

I don’t have all the answers yet and I have a whole second floor to build before I can demolish it, but it’s interesting to think about and damn this was fun to make.

[dancing-to-architecture]

13 of 1001

Today's album: The Beatles - Abbey Road (1969)

Likely one of, if not THE, most famous album covers of all time.

I know a few songs on here, I never had Abbey Road growing up, so the back half is almost all new to me.

Come Together-

A fuckin classic and a killer opener. I still have no real clue what the hell he means, but why should lyrics get in the way of a damn good song?

Something-

A sweet love song, kinda slow, but it just works so well when the bridge comes in quicker. I always forget how much i like this one.

Maxwell's Silver Hammer-

I knew a guy in college who claimed that this was the only Beatles song he liked.

Kinda wonder what he's up to.

Anyway, it's alright. The synth parts are pretty wild. My favorite Beatles song about a murderer.

Oh! Darling-

Well, i wasn't expecting a doo-wop song to be perfectly honest.

Also wasn't expecting that kind of a growl from John. Gotta say, he put some fuckin blood in this performance, even when he's kinda aping James Brown.

Octopus's Garden-

There's a section of The House on the Rock in Wisconsin with a massive whale in it and all kinds of weird nautical stuff, and there's a little automated orchestra that plays Octopus's Garden. This song always reminds me of that place.

Otherwise, it's kinda goofy and fun. Did Ringo write this one? Feels like a Ringo one.

I Want You (She's So Heavy)-

Oh, that intro is short but it fucks. Oh, yeah, this whole song fucks. Kinda slinky, kinda smoky. Lyrics are... to the point, the guitar work is fuckin solid, that bass line is just *filthy*, and that keyboard player is on fire.

Barely even noticed how long it is, because it just keeps. on. moving. I don't think I've ever heard it before today, but it's going on my Beatles shortlist.

Hahaha fuck it, this song ends NOW.

Here Comes The Sun-

One of my all-time favorite songs. One of the ones that can and will put a smile on my face pretty much no matter what. It's just so unrelentingly positive.

Because-

Acid is one hell of a drug. I like this one, but it's definitely pretty trippy. The synth trumpets, tho.

Also, the lyrics on Spotify add in all the ahh-ahh-ahh's and it just looks hilarious.

You Never Give Me Your Money-

Kinda dig the upbeat but beatdown part after the slower intro. Really cool guitar work in this one.

No idea what the end's about though.

Sun King-

Sloooooooow.

I almost know enough Spanish to understand what he's saying at the end, though he's kinda pronouncing things like it's Italian?

Mean Mr Mustard-

Weird. I'll be honest, i don't really get this one.

Polythene Pam-

This one's saying something, but I'm not quite sure what exactly it is. "Androgyny can be pretty hot", possibly?

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window-

Wait, what the hell is going on here? The last four songs have been like two minutes long, blended into one another almost seamlessly, and they seem to mean very little? Or I'm just not catching it.

Golden Slumbers-

Cute and kinda sweet.

Carry That Weight-

The anthem of childhood trauma, imo. Life is gonna fuck you up and you're just gonna have to deal with it. (You won't always be able to deal with it.)

The End-

Let Ringo cook! It's not gonna be fancy, but it's gonna be solid and consistent. Goddamn human metronome.

Chaos throughout the middle, but a solid truth right at the end.

Her Majesty-

Well, I have no memory of the queen not being vaguely grandmotherly, so this one is just odd to me.

So, i wasn't expecting the back half of this one to be "one long song needlessly broken up into like 12 little constituent songs". King Crimson would have had that be one 20 minute-long song, just saying.

A fairly cute album, all in all (Maxwell aside). I really liked it, but that didn't surprise me too much since i tend to prefer later, more experimental Beatles albums to their earlier, poppier stuff.

Favorite Track: Here Comes The Sun. Forever.

Least Favorite Track: Mean Mr Mustard and She Came In Through The Bathroom Window both kinda feel like they could have been cut and not much would have been lost, unless there's some sort of story linking the second half that i just didn't register.

[leia-doodles]

Yay I’m actually happy to hear that catty does have rolls 🥹 I don’t have her doll but she is definitely up there for some that I want! And yes no one says rainbow high is a plus sized doll brand, an I’m not saying they are but they’re thicker than the thickest MHG3 doll 😭😭. I just wish people would call things as they are, draculaura is pear shaped, I think catty has a more hour glass? I know her upper body is bigger than Dracs(I might be wrong). But I think that would be way more helpful over just saying anything and everything is plus size and should represent all plus size people, but maybe that’s a change the world as a whole has to do and not just one doll Brand 😭

And yeah i personally wouldn’t consider schools out a core refresh type of line personally. I thought about it but I think it’s the different themes of the “rebrand”. Like you said for G3 it seems to just be a design upgrade/ replacement. I often see people wishing for other characters like Twyla or ghoulia to get a refresh doll. Where schools out / new scaremester seemed like new outfits yes but also new characters and their core outfits as well! And Mattel is definitely pulling from its G2 rejects in my opinion. Art style wise and doll release wise idk, it’s just very lack luster. They’ve definitely made a lot of dolls over the past year or two, but there’s hardly any new characters that have been introduced, I feel like the “skulltimate secret” theme they are going for just isn’t landing well in my opinion. I’m also a bit of an art style prude I guess, because I cannot stand the new mixed assets they use, it literally boils my blood sometimes when I see the old box art being used to promote new things. Hell just the art this generation is just very plain and there’s no fun art splashes, just highly rendered full bodies/them sitting idk 😭.

And yeah I do also wish that we got to see Frankie explore their gender more? I know everyone experiences things differently, but I would have liked to see Frankie’s journey to discovering that they’re nonbinary instead of just being born out the womb with it. And I don’t want it to be like in a sad or “realistic” way, I want it to be fun and campy and really corny. They need to introduce the other nonbinary characters STAT😤 we already talked about torelai and clawdeen 😭😭 but Im an avid clawvenus Stan, I need it to happen. Howleen and Venus are cool too I guesssss orz. I honestly wish G3 went a bit bolder with their relationship pairs and mixed a bunch of the cast up like Cleo and Frankie. Because as we said before all the ships are so dry, like let’s add some spice to it or something. Give us draculaura x heath Or abbey idk 😭 like let’s get funky.

And yeah the music videos are the only media that actually correlate to the dolls 😭 I saw the catty one and 👀 catty x Venus? I’m coping but we will see lmao

Monster high G3 rant

Watching the TV series and I’m kind of disappointed.

This will be my second watch of season 1, I’m rewatching after the current season 2 episodes.

the show feels very flat in my opinion. They’ve given the characters a lot of cool traits, but they’re used for like one episode and then never brought up, or they only use one specific trait 24/7. Like Frankie in this generation, they have the ability to electrocute, extend their body parts, and they get visions from the people they’re made out of. Specifically they get visions from this one recurring doctor/ scientist. The idea is cool, but the vision literally is there to give exposition about something conveniently. Like when they are trying to solve the puzzle of clawdeens mom, Frankie’s vision just conveniently tells them what to do and how to do it.

In that same episode, we see manny taur. A Minotaur character. And right away we are just told that he’s good at puzzle solving, and so is draculaura! They’re rivals! But this is the first time I’ve ever seen or heard about draculaura being into puzzles, let alone her one sided rivalry with manny. And as the episode ends, she’s like “well you can be the rightful puzzle master” but it feels so flat. There has been no build up to this moment.

Another example is lagoona. In her designated episode, she is rooting for torelai to win the fear-leading captain over draculaura (another thing that has no build up as to why it’s important to her) lagoona explains that torelai is holding a secret over her head, and if it gets out she will lose her status as the fiercest monster in school. But this is the first time we have heard this!! In previous episodes there’s no mention of her being scary or fierce. Or even her super fast swimming skills. It’s just brought up and glosses over with a “be who you are, it’s okay to like what you want! We all have secrets 🥹” but there’s no real character development.

My last example will be the way draculaura is presented in this series. From what she tells us, she has high standards to live up to as a vampire. She needs to look good for her day so she studies endlessly and is striving for perfection. But she also has a love for witchcraft, which is banned in monster high due to its connections to humans. This can be a cute premise, but they NEVER show draculaura compared to any other vampire to show how she’s supposed to act. They never give us episodes where she blows off her friend’s shenanigans because it makes her look bad, and they never really show her dad being so overbearing. They don’t show us WHY humans are hated. And even though witchcraft is banned, whenever anyone finds out about it they’re just cool with it? No push back or anything. The only character to challenge draculaura was torelai.

This all may be very nitpicky, but MH is a character driven franchise. Character relationships with each other and their surroundings are very important to me. I want to feel the so called pressure these characters are being put under. It doesn’t have to be ultra serious 24/7, but issues get resolved within one episode and then rehashed a few episodes later with no further development. Especially with characters like Cleo and lagoona. They have been benched as side characters in this show, and side characters get much worse treatment.

‘The general episode progression is like this - introduce an issue, introduce a high stakes situation that involves the school, have all or one of the main 3 engage in a sequence of fights against this issue(or rapid solving of said issue through convince) - issue is resolved and lesson is told to viewers-characters reset for the next episode.

I know this is a children’s show, but that doesn’t mean it needs to have bad writing, not all kids are high off cocomelon. Kids deserve good writing in their media!

My next rant will be about clawdeen and her story this generation

[sswissy]

𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | 𝗌𝗐𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅

𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒚𝒏 | 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏

Bellamira was less than pleased having to return back to her duties after spending a few days in the Ghoul's den with Swiss. Apparently Cardi had slipped up even though Rain had made up an excellent cover story with Aether. However Sister Imperator could see right through anything so Cardi wasn't at too much fault here. Bellamira had definitely been slacking off but it was hard to focus on cleaning or assisting new sisters when Swiss was at the peak of his heat. 

Plus Swiss didn't make things easier on her by any means throughout the week. His constant need for attention or to fuck was physically exhausting but Bellamira wasn't going to complain. Being able to spend a few days with her mate was exhilarating. However what Mira wasn't too thrilled about was the constant badgering from the new sister who couldn't quite catch the hint that Swiss wasn't interested. 

It was like the women had a sixth sense when it came to finding where she was in the abbey. Even if Mira wasn't doing something on her usual schedule, she was able to sniff her out somehow. It was honestly completely infuriating to deal with especially when she was trying to rush back to the Ghoul den without being seen by her. Sister Evelyn was making Bellamira reach a breaking point which was extremely difficult but the women knew how to push all the wrong buttons. 

"If Sister Imperator doesn't switch my schedule then there might be another small fire set in the abbey." Bellamira grumbled. She had sought out Cardi for some kind of advice but the man was kicking it into high gear trying to make it to rehearsals. Their work load of paperwork had been quite intense that afternoon with upcoming ritual deadlines and countless other small things to approve for the abbey. 

"Sorella for all that is unholy, please don't set the abbey on fire-" Cardi pleaded, his eyes showing pure alarm in them. Dew would be willing to set anywhere ablaze and if Mira got a hold of him for the suggestion, they would be absolutely screwed. 

"I didn't say I'd set the entire abbey on fire, Cardi." Mira laughed it off. As much as she couldn't stand Sister Evelyn, there was no reason for violence especially if it put the abbey at risk. Just hopefully the woman's curiosities would die out so Mira could get some peace and quiet for once. 

"We're setting the abbey on fire now?" Rain had been rushing like Hell to get to rehearsals until seeing the leisurely stroll from Mira with a panicked Papa. Sister Imperator would cause absolute chaos if things ran late due to the Ghouls but less so if Papa was the reason behind it. 

"Nobody is setting anything on fire-" Cardi groaned. Sometimes having to deal with Mira and Rain's antics were too much when the stress was building up. However Bellamira would argue on that considering she never started too many problems except for teasing the hell out of Cardi as a joke. 

"Sister Bellamira! Wait up-" Mira huffed while crossing her arms. How the hell did she find her at this hour? Usually most of the clergy was eating in the hall, indulging in sin or getting ready to sleep. Rain glanced back seeing Sister Evelyn rushing down the hall to reach the three of them, swerving around a few sister's who were raising an eyebrow in question. 

"Now is the perfect time to kill me-" Bellamira groaned internally before spinning around with a fake smile. As much as it killed her to be kind to this one, she had a reputation to uphold in the clergy. Not that it was a fake persona because Mira really did love the entire abbey but ones like this really just got under her skin. 

"How can I help you, Sister Evelyn?" Mira asked. She had reached her short of breath and fanning herself to cool down. An eyebrow was raised in question from all of them wondering how far this women had gone to hunt down Mira. 

"I was wondering if I could watch rehearsals tonight?" Sister Evelyn asked. The suggestion had most definitely been a long shot considering the clergy was only able to see performances during rituals and or mass. However that didn't seem to stop Sister Evelyn from trying. 

"Unfortunately Sister Imperator likes to keep those private, right Papa?" Bellamira was practically pleading with Cardi to agree except once turning to him, he had completely vanished. Rain was still standing next to her blankly staring at the sister questioning why her interests hadn't died down yet. 

"I was wondering if I could talk to Swiss but if I can't go in, do you mind passing him a message?" Sister Evelyn pouted. Rain grimaced at the sight not fully understanding what this women had thought up in her head. Did she not understand that Bellamira was clearly Swiss' mate? He had seemed to make it pretty obvious at the last mass but yet this girl just didn't give up. 

"And that would be?" Bellamira could feel her anger growing. This hadn't been the first time Evelyn had brought him up. It was smaller things at first like curious little questions about the ghouls but maintaining focus on him. No matter how many times Mira dodge them somehow it made her even more interested. Almost as if her mate had this mysterious aura around him-

"I know a lot of the other sisters have sinned with the others ghouls and I was wondering if he would with me?" Sister Evelyn asked. Rain couldn't help but laugh at the boldness that this women just displayed in front of Swiss' own mate. He turned to look at Bellamira who looked utterly shocked but also growing in irritation. 

"You do realize you're talking about my mate, Sister Evelyn? You really think he's going to fuck you when he has me?" Bellamira hissed. It didn't take long for the other women to grow bright red with embarrassment but the determination in her eyes didn't seem to die down by any means. Which further angered Mira, how can one women be stupid when it came to plain signals? 

"Maybe he'll get bored with you-" Sister Evelyn shrugged. Rain couldn't stop laughing at this point as Bellamira took a step forward and slapped the women across the face. Frankly, Mira was surprised with herself but it could've had to do with the fact Swiss had just mated with her or being in a fog due to his heat. Nobody had ever pissed her off as much as this women did and it had finally reached a breaking point. 

Passing clergy members had hands covering their mouths in pure shock and had already begun gossiping to each other. Rain had finally stopped laughing but was hunched over trying to catch his breath. Bellamira was staring the women down who was clutching onto her cheek in shock. The satisfaction of it all was enough for Mira to feel slightly better after the buildup of stress from when Evelyn would be popping up around every corner badgering her. 

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take care of my mate." Mira turned on her heel as Rain followed closely behind. Sister Evelyn huffed with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks before running off back to the dorms. Both of them glanced at each other chuckling at the situation. Granted it would earn a very stern talking to from Sister Imperator but the whole ordeal was too priceless. It didn't matter if it meant double the chores or even the worse of them because hopefully this meant Sister Evelyn learned a lesson. 

taglist:

@mellie-teh-goblin-queen

@chiggennuggie

@simply-alone-and-sublime

@synestheticbisexual

@sucharide

@babydonkeyfromshrek

@sodomiserswife

@beelze-bob

@yourbeautynevereverscaredme

@bitchimightbe

@bongwaterghoul

@gabrielasilent

@nightshade333

@gaymistakeboi

@lluxbrumalis

@sodbos

@honeylla

note:

I haven't written in forever I know but my life has been quite something lately and the last thing on my mind was writing. But I'm in a very good place right now and I hope to continue writing for y'all.

[delightfullyatomicfest]

A sitcom about The Beatles would be too hard because there would just been too much ridiculous stuff to include:

- John, Paul and George wearing these outfits in Hamburg, thinking they were super cool (finding out the hats were pink and the boots were gold and silver was a great moment in my life).

- Paul living in a tiny bedroom in the attic of the Asher’s house, with his daily commute involving climbing out of the window, shimmying across the ledge and going through all the kooky flats in the adjacent building.

 - Them not turning up to a recording session in Paris and George Martin coming to look for them, only to find them all being served tea by Jane Asher - followed by them all running away from him

 - Every single thing about Magic Alex

 - But especially the moment they all turned up at the Apple building for Get Back and found he’d built a complete disaster of a studio

- Hell’s Angels turning up to the Apple Christmas party, eating all the food and causing absolute chaos

 - John turning up to a meeting and just playing them all a recording of him and Yoko having sex

 - Yoko stealing George’s biscuits (let’s be real, this is the real reason he didn’t want her to play at the Concert for Bangladesh. Never forgive, never forget)

 - Yoko just chilling in bed during the recording of Abbey Road

[osferth]

the haunting of cookham house: chapter 1

summary: In the midst of an exhausting flat search, newlyweds Sophia and Anjali Abbot suddenly inherit a large country house miles away in the serene village of Cookham. It proves to be much more than the couple bargained for, however, when they arrive to find it already occupied... by nine ancient ghosts.

tagging: @lauwrite1225​ @maggiescarborough @morosemagick @solinarimoon @lannisterdaddyissues @firexfate @93xdiagonxalley @aadmelioraa @emilyhufflepufftlk

“Won’t be long now,” murmured Finan.

The laboured breaths of the elderly woman began to slow as the ghosts grouped around her bed watched over almost reverently.

“She had a good life,” Uhtred said quietly.

“At least she’s comfortable,” Sihtric added.

“Yeah, there are worse ways to go,” Osferth pointed out, gesturing to the arrow lodged in his chest. There was a mumbled chorus of assent amongst the ghosts before Hild shushed them all.

“Quiet,” she hissed.

“I think it’s happening,” said Father Beocca. “Look.”

Silence finally fell as a bright light began to emanate from the woman’s body, Beocca making a sign of the cross as her spirit rose up to face them all. “Who are you?” she asked.

Everyone immediately looked toward Uhtred, who for some reason was still considered their unofficial leader despite being… well, dead.

“I was once the lord of the village you call Cookham,” he began ostentatiously, “true Lord of Bebbanburg and a warrior with great reputation, now forced to wander the lands where I was slain as a ghost for all eterni-”

“And she’s gone,” finished Father Pyrlig unceremoniously.

“This always happens,” muttered Uhtred, staring at the patterned wallpaper before him. “I do not understand.”

Pyrlig shrugged. “Yeah, well, the rest of us do.”

“I have always thought not everyone seems to enjoy your speeches as much as you think,” commented Skade, appearing suddenly behind Osferth and making him jump.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that all the time,” he grumbled.

“Oh, honestly!” snapped Hild suddenly, glaring at all of them. “The woman has barely passed on! At the very least, we should show some respect.”

Father Beocca nodded. “The abbess is right. I shall say a prayer for her soul.” He cleared his throat slightly before beginning. “Our Lord in Heaven…”

Finan leaned across to Sihtric. “Bagsie her room,” he whispered over the prayer, to which the Dane only rolled his eyes.

“Amen,” said Beocca finally.

“Amen,” chorused the ghosts, Finan a little louder and later than the rest. With nothing more to add, silence returned for a brief moment until it was broken by Osferth.

“I wonder what’ll happen to this place once she’s taken away.”

Pyrlig looked sideways at him. “Well, I imagine someone else will move in,” he said dryly.

“All of you!” said Hild exasperatedly. “Please! Her body is still warm, for goodnessʼ sake.”

Looking appropriately chastised, Osferth looked down at the floor. “Perhaps one of us should say a few words,” he suggested. 

“I shall do it,” said Uhtred immediately, straightening up. “As the lord of Cookham, I…” 

“And he's off again,” muttered Pyrlig, shaking his head as he left the room. The other ghosts quickly followed suit amid murmurs and eye rolls, although Uhtred did not notice as his speech grew more passionate and heartfelt. 

“Who will be the one to reclaim this as their home?” he sighed finally, looking through the window at the overgrown front garden. 

~~

“Um… let’s take a look at the view, shall we?”

The estate agent led Sophia over to the window with an apologetic look on his face, Anjali trailing slightly behind with about as much enthusiasm as you would expect when buying a cramped, one-bedroom flat in the middle of nowhere. 

Peering over Sophia’s shoulder, she was greeted with the scenic image of a local chip shop sandwiched between a defunct barber shop and a Londis. Just on time, an old poster tacked onto the front door swung off one corner and was quickly carried down the street by a gust of wind.

“Well,” began Sophia uncertainly, “at least we won’t have to go far for groceries. Or fish and chips.”

“I don’t like fish or chips,” Anjali muttered.

Sophia squinted at the shop sign. “They also do kebabs,” she suggested, although she did not sound too keen.

“I’ll leave you two to have a chat in here,” said the estate agent tactfully. “Just give me a shout when you’re ready, alright?”

Anjali watched him disappear into the kitchen before turning to her wife. “I do like kebabs, I s’pose,” she conceded. Sophia smiled slightly, but before she could reply, her phone started buzzing.

“Hang on, I’ll just… hello?”

“Hello, is this Sophia Abbot?” asked a slightly-garbled male voice.

“Speaking,” she replied.

“I’m calling about a house.”

“We’re only looking at flats, we can’t afford to buy a house.”

“This one’s not for sale.”

Sophia frowned. “Well then, why are you calling?” she snapped, ending the call. God. Some estate agents really were the worst-

Her phone buzzed again before she could have a chance to think. Still irritated, she picked it up but did not answer.

“Sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot,” said the same man quickly. “I’m a solicitor at Willard and Phillips and I’m calling to inform you that you have, in fact, inherited a house.”

~~

The moments after that were a blur for Sophia and, after being informed of the news, for Anjali, too. Their estate agent simply seemed relieved to not have to accompany the couple on visits to flats that had, quite frankly, seen better days.

An appointment was scheduled for the very next morning. It all felt wildly surreal to Anjali and particularly Sophia, who was baffled upon being informed that the previous owner of the beautiful Cookham property was actually a distant great-aunt… or something along those lines, anyway. Even the solicitor seemed to be having trouble connecting the two, but as there was no other living relative, the house was legally Sophia’s. 

Unable to contain their excitement, they promptly called off the flat search and decided to move in that same afternoon. Neither of them were familiar with Cookham, but the further they drove through the more they grew to love the village. With its gorgeous landscapes and old-fashioned architecture, Sophia and Anjali felt only enthusiastic to be able to call this place home.

“Feels like we’ve gone back in time, doesn’t it?” Anjali sighed, gazing out of the window.

“Yeah,” smiled Sophia, “it’s nothing like Croydon.”

Anjali consulted her phone, reading through the Wikipedia entry on Cookham. “It’s got a lot of history to it,” she said. “Listen to this: ‘By the 8th century there was an Anglo-Saxon abbey in Cookham and one of the later abbesses was-” sorry, no idea how to pronounce that- ‘widow of King Offa of Mercia.’ It’s still there, I think. We could visit at some point!”

“8th century,” repeated Sophia. “Bloody hell, it’s ancient, isn’t it?”

“Ooh, look: ‘It became the centre of a power struggle between Mercia and Wessex. Later King Alfred made Sashes Island one of his-’ er, berrs? Boors? Dunno- ‘to help defend against Viking invaders.’ This is so cool!”

“Is there anything a bit more recent?” Sophia asked. 

Anjali rolled her eyes, skimming over the rest of the article.

“Nothing interesting… ooh, except,” she snickered, “a ‘Miss Isabella Fleming in 1869, who wanted to stop nude bathing at Odney.’”

Sophia snorted. “What?”

“Yeah, there is zero elaboration on that one.”

“Shame.”

~~

“That yellow wagon’s given me an awful headache,” Finan complained, rubbing his head. 

Brida looked disdainfully at him. “That’s not possible,” she said flatly. “You’re dead. And I believe they called it an ambulance last week.”

“Well, I would’ve had a headache if I was still alive,” muttered Finan. 

Beocca sighed. “I am beginning to miss her already.”

Uhtred nodded, although the other ghosts suspected that had more to do with her being an indirect relative of his rather than him having any actual interest in her as a person. It was taken for granted that he continued to behave as though he still had ownership over the cottage - and indeed the village itself - even if he was because he was physically unable to leave it.

A creak sounded from the far corner of the room suddenly, startling most of the ghosts. Skade looked up from her seat by the table, a vase slightly out of place, as she met them all with narrowed eyes. 

Thoroughly unsettled, Uhtred and all three of his men turned around without a word. Brida shook her head at all of them and marched off to sit beside Skade. Their relationship had been rocky at first, certainly characterised by animosity while they were still alive, but spending over a millennium together had softened it somewhat. It was more to do with the fact that nobody else, other than Hild and sometimes Osferth, tended to visit the lake she haunted. While Brida spent the most time at the lake, Hild had started venturing out to visit every so often, her hatred of the seer lessening as her curiosity grew. Osferth’s visits were still rare, however, given that he remained wracked with guilt. 

“I wonder-”

“Who will come to reclaim this place as their home,” Pyrlig said, interrupting the former Lord of Bebbanburg, “yes, we wonder that too.”

Despite their respect for him, Finan and Osferth snickered.

“Well,” said Hild, “I don’t think we’ll have to wonder for much longer.” She waved all of them over to where she was standing by the window, Brida being the last to get there - the last they looked, Skade remained in her seat.

Standing near the back, Osferth suddenly felt a presence on his left. He jolted upon seeing the seer standing only inches away, smirking. 

“Y’know, I’m beginning to think you enjoy this,” he grumbled.

“Looks a bit like that medical wagon, doesn’t it?” Finan commented, watching the car pull into the driveway.

“Ambulance,” Brida supplied flatly.

“I don’t think that’s an ambulance, Brida,” said Uhtred wisely, blind to the dirty look she gave him.

Hild shushed them as two women climbed out. One was considerably shorter and clad in an oversized jumper and jogging bottoms. Her skin was brown and her hair dark and wavy, curling over her shoulders. The other was slightly taller, dressed in jeans and a lilac knitted jumper. She was dark-skinned and her curly hair was pulled back, away from her face. Her arm was around the other woman’s shoulders as both gazed in awe up at the house.

~~

“I think - this is it!” Sophia announced, slowing down as the car bumped over the gravelled drive. “Oh, wow.”

Parking the car, she turned the ignition off and opened the door to let herself out, taking in the sight of the grand house before them.

“It’s even prettier than in the photos,” Anjali sighed dreamily. “And it’s all ours.”

“I still can’t believe it,” said Sophia, breaking her gaze from the house to look at her wife. 

Anjali beamed, pressing a little kiss to her lips. “Well, shall we?” she said, offering Sophia her arm. Sophia smiled and hooked her arm in Anjali’s, the two of them making their way over to the door. 

As she turned the key in the lock, she felt a strange sensation from above, almost as though she was being watched. 

Anjali shook her arm a little. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said quickly, “it’s nothing.” Shaking her head, she pushed the door open. 

~~

“Did you see that!” Finan exclaimed, watching the young couple before them briefly kiss before disappearing under the doorframe.

“I think we all did,” said Osferth dryly. 

“Times have changed,” Uhtred said thoughtfully. 

Sihtric rolled his eyes. “Have they?” 

He was the only one who noticed the way Brida had begun looking longingly towards Skade, the seer seemingly having tired of tormenting Osferth for once. 

“Well, it’s been a thousand years,” Father Pyrlig pointed out snidely, missing what was going on. “Obviously they have. Jesus.”

Clearly in a rush to get a closer look at the people who had ‘reclaimed his home’, Uhtred quickly left the room - prompting the other ghosts to follow.

“He was never one for patience, was he?” huffed Father Beocca as they descended the stairs. 

Hild raised her eyebrows momentarily. “I’m afraid not.”

~~

“How old did they say the actual house was?” Sophia inquired, peering over Anjali’s shoulder at her phone. 

“Er… oh, yeah, here! It was built in 1808 and renovated in 1953.”

Sophia grinned. “Reckon it’s haunted, then?” 

“Probably,” Anjali said, all-too serious. Out of the two, she was the believer - Sophia was the staunch sceptic. Anything even slightly out of the ordinary terrified Anjali, from flickering lights to objects moving without cause, while Sophia always had a rational explanation handy. Perhaps it was a good thing, then, that this fear did not extend to spiders - those were Sophia’s weakness. 

The chess board was what caught Sophia’s eye first. “This is so cool,” she murmured, leaning over to pick up a pawn. Upon seeing that it was coated in a thin layer of dust, however, she pulled away. As she did so, she felt a strange sensation course across her forearm, almost as though a cold breeze had blown its way over. Ever the sceptic, she assumed there was a window open nearby and thought nothing of it. 

~~

Finan shuddered, backing away from the chess board. “God, I’d forgotten how awful that feels.” 

Pyrlig rolled his eyes from where he was standing a safe distance away.

~~

Just as Anjali was about to collapse onto the couch with the golden-gilded legs she had been eyeing for several minutes, Sophia pulled her away.

“It’s all dusty down here,” she explained, her voice muffled by the hand she was using to cover her nose. “Let’s dump our stuff upstairs and take a look around.”

“Won’t it be dusty upstairs, too?” Anjali dubiously pointed out.

“Nah, they'll have cleaned the bedrooms out at least,” said Sophia, “‘cos the last owner died up there.”

Anjali stared at her. “What?” she exploded. “Which one? I don’t want to sleep in the same room where someone died, what if-”

“It won’t be haunted,” Sophia quickly reassured her, “‘cos we’re not gonna stay in that room, not if it scares you that much. Ghosts aren’t real either way, so... you’ll be alright.”

“Agree to disagree,” mumbled Anjali, letting Sophia lead her upstairs anyway. As she left, she felt the uncomfortable sensation of being watched. It could have been simple paranoia, as Sophia would explain it away as, or it could have been something Anjali did not even want to consider - but either way, she was beginning to understand exactly why old houses gave some people the creeps.

[night-market-if]

156, 151 and 119 for the ask thing ^^

119: Favorite thing about a person: Drive. And I'm not talking about work drive. I'm talking about the drive to just do something. To improve. To experience more. I don't care if you are excited about learning a new stitch in knitting. If it is something you have been obsessively been working towards, hell yeah! I struggle more with people who just accept the status quo of life. I connect and love more with people who are passionate about things. Even if it seems small to others.

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?: The 60's. And in a very obscure way too. I wouldn't want to live in those times because of how women were treated but I am an avid Beatles fan. And we aren't talking the ironic, I have this cool vintage t-shirt, kind of fan. We're talking, I designed an entire trip to Europe so I could go to Abbey Road when they were talking about tearing it down. We're talking I took history classes on their music kind of thing. So while I wouldn't want to live in that time because I fully believe it was problematic, I would love to just go listen to one of their concerts and see the insanity that was Beatlemania.

156: 156: What embarrasses you?: My writing. The amount of people in my life that actually know I am writing this story is incredibly small because I just don't want to share. Oh. And singing. I can talk in public like none other but when I had to sing on stage? NOPE!

[onesweetdreampodcast]

For fun, a micro episode! A reprise of RAM’s critical reception over time. Positive reviews referenced in the episode: Pitchfork “..Paul McCartney's Ram is a domestic-bliss album, one of the weirdest, earthiest, and most honest ever made. What 2012's ears can find is a rock icon inventing an approach to pop music that would eventually become someone else's indie pop.”

ALL MUSIC

“This made Ram an object of scorn and derision upon its release —and for years afterward in fact — but in retrospect it looks like nothing so much as the first indie pop album. Ram has a fuller production yet retained that ramshackle feel, sounding as if it were recorded in a shack out back, not far from the farm where the cover photo of Paulholding the ram by the horns was taken. It's filled with songs that feel tossed off, filled with songs that are cheerfully, incessantly melodic; it turns the monumental symphonic sweep of Abbey Road into a cheeky slice of whimsy on the two-part suite "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey.".All three of these are songs filled with good humor, and their foundation in old-time rock & roll makes it easy to overlook how inventive these productions are, ... These songs may not be self-styled major statements, but they are endearing and enduring, as is RAM itself, which seems like a more unique, exquisite pleasure with each passing year.”

LOUDER THAN WAR

“Cool is the most overrated component of rock roll. It blinds the fools and sends the insecure up grubby back alleys of music taste.  ...Maybe it’s a measure of the times but what people ragged on about Paul at the time was the good bloke/family man/simple things in life/not very rock n roll personae that are now seen as assets and that brings us to Ram.At the time the album was buried by the media but now sounds forward thinking and full of that buoyant pop imagination that the supremely talented Macca seems to effortlessly ooze. With the luxury of history the album now sounds like a decades too early precursor to lo fi indie with all the post late sixties bombast stripped away.Of course this simplicity is deceptive. The precociously brilliant McCartney is playing many instruments and he’s great at anything he picks up, dealing out guitar licks, bass runs or pastoral acoustics with an ease for his perfect pop voice to fly over with those cascading and exquisite melodies.” 

SUPER DELUXE EDITION

“Ram has McCartney’s DNA all over it. It is endlessly melodic … with a maze of musical ideas; vocal harmonies,...and, perhaps uncharacteristically, there is a steeliness of purpose evident.Ram works so well for many reasons. McCartney’s voice is at, or near, its peak – everything sounds completely effortless, including the performance on the throat-shredding ‘Monkberry Moon Delight’, and the whole thing just feels so real. Paul wasn’t struggling for things to write about, whether it be the seemingly constant backbiting with Lennon or his new-found love of family life and spending time with his new wife.” FAR OUT MAGAZINE

‘...You can trace everything from Britpop to pure jangle indie back to this record. What started as a piece of pure pop innovation would provide a sure footing for a host of other groups to spring from … there is no denying that Paul McCartney’s Ram is a seminal moment in musical history.’

50Thirdand3rd

“Paul McCartney has rarely sounded more exuberant than he does on Ram. With Linda’s emotional support, he found his way through the darkness occasioned by the collapse of The Beatles and shed all traces of depression and disorientation that marked his first solo effort. On Ram, he sounds positively thrilled to embark on a new, independent musical adventure, as is evident in the unbridled energy he displays throughout the record and the blessed return of his sense of humor. His melodic gifts remain intact, he sings as well as he ever did and he’s still one hell of a bass player.”

THE QUIETUS

It’s a record by a man and woman unburdened, enjoying the happiest days of their lives. It’s full of hope and honesty and goofing around. Unlike so much music from the era, it wasn’t trying to shift units or promote itself as ‘real’ music. In fact Paul McCartney probably doesn’t give a toss if you like it or not.”

SPECTRUM CULTURE

“...it’s clearer than ever that this is one of the great magical experiences in rock … The key to Ram’s power is the two equal and not-necessarily-distinct modes it toggles between. Domestic life between the album’s credited artists is portrayed with earthy whimsy; the instruments crack and splinter, content that the center will hold. Meanwhile, the material dealing with the meaning of the most coveted Beatle’s decision to settle down with the woman of his dreams is painted in the same grand, sweeping strokes as Sgt. Pepper, Magical Mystery Tour, and the Abbey Road medley: symphonic pop that pines for transcendence.”

RAM ALBUM CLUB:

“I listened properly the next morning, I sat in front of it and played it loud. My god, what a fool I’ve been, what a joy this record is. There’s hardly any of the 12 bar I was expecting and there isn’t a twee moment to be found. I adore the first bars of Too Many People, his beautiful tramp voice over those fab four chords into Pet Sounds snare hits. Honey to my bee. Lyrically he sounds like he’s kicking some demons around, eating apples, settling scores and having a ball doing it. Ram sounds like it was recorded at 9.12am amidst a sea of sunflowers under a hazy sun. It’s high as monkeys, full of itself and oh my, what a fool I’ve been. Ram On sounds like the whole of the Department of Eagles album In Ear Park (which I love) and Uncle Albert is fine as it is, all of it. I’m not that bothered about Eat At Home. The Back Seat Of My Car is like a track off the Beach Boys album Friends except better, much better. It’s one his best songs and I’ve never heard it. Third time, I take it downstairs. I light candles. I dress smart and bring gifts. I’m in love and o’ what a fool I’ve been. I’m uplifted, uploaded and upended. His singing is great, the musicians are right on the money and the sound is perfect (it is a truth that all records made in the early 1970s sound fantastic).”

[fadedelegance]

https://www.insp.com/blog/matt-dillon-miss-kitty-a-dodge-city-love-affair/

I’m cool with them being subtle about it. As a fanfic writer, I love that. Gives me room to play.

They’re my OTP for fucking sure. I love writing them, and James Arness’ & Amanda Blake’s chemistry was off the charts. Matt & Kitty had some great moments. My favorite is “The Bullet”, the season 17 finale. All 3 parts are just so well-written, and Kitty delivers such a beautiful monologue about her and Matt. In my opinion, that should’ve been the series finale. In my head canon, it is: Matt decides that he’s ready to retire after almost losing the ability to walk. He and Kitty retire together, get married, and leave Dodge City. 🥰

What gets me about this article is that Amanda Blake was fired. At least the producer who sacked her admitted he made a mistake. Yeah, you fucking did, pal. I thought she left of her own volition. Clearly not! She just wanted a wardrobe update. Why the fuck not? She hadn’t had one in years. The budget had to be huge for that show! Why would that have been such an inconvenience?

Even if I didn’t ship Matt with Kitty, I would still make these criticisms:

Everything with Mike Yardner and Matt plays out like bad fanfiction, especially the movie where he learns he knocked her up, so they have a daughter…ALL THOSE YEARS AFTER THE FACT. Why wouldn’t she tell him about the baby sooner? Oh, that’s right: because Mike was never meant to be a significant character. It was so obvious that that movie was written years after the Mike episode. SO cringe. UGH. The Gunsmoke films are what Cursed Child is to Harry Potter. Just, dude, I’ve read plenty of fanfics that are FAR better written than that garbage. Everything with Matt & Mike Yardner is right out of a bad fanfiction or a soap opera. All of the Gunsmoke films were completely unnecessary. Sometimes it’s best just to let sleeping dogs lie. And this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I thought the last 3 seasons were superfluous. It’s sad when something genuinely good wears out its welcome because milking the cash cow becomes more important than producing high quality content. (Pirates of the Caribbean, Downton Abbey, & The Office all suffered the same fate, unfortunately.) I also thought “Kitty’s Love Affair” was god awful. I’m so sure Kitty would throw away the love she and Matt had spent years building for some guy she’d known for only a few days. Right. 🙄🙄🙄 And who proposes to someone they’ve known for at most a week? Bro, no one does that! That was such a poorly-written episode. I can not suspend my disbelief that much. Sorry not sorry. For not wanting to mess with romance, some of the writers sure messed with it—and not in a good way. They even said it wasn’t the point of the show, so why have any romance-centered drama? Why not just give little tidbits here and there that Matt and Kitty are together and just leave it at that? Also, I found Mike creepy. She knew Matt couldn’t remember anything, even who he was. It sounds like she took advantage of him. The idea of sleeping with someone with amnesia just doesn’t sit right with me, even if I knew them. Can they truly consent? Also, a character getting amnesia is a common soap opera trope. Why did such a great show like Gunsmoke have to go there? 🙄

Matt & Kitty had some great moments, but too much of the romance drama throughout the show and in the films was just so bad. The secondhand embarrassment was real! They wrote such a beautiful scene in “The Bullet: part 3” and then went and shot it all to hell with some subsequent seriously poor writing. But I agree: Matt & Kitty forever. “The Bullet: part 3” basically showed they were soulmates. Then the cash cow got in the way. As I’ve said with many other fandoms I’m in: thank God for fanfiction!

[ace-trainer-risu]

oh here! i’ll come ask you for book recs lol. do you have any spooky and/or autumn-y book recs? or just your fave books :)

First of all, I'm sorry this took me SO long to answer. I want to say I've been busy but it's just been general [waves hand vaguely] life.

ANYWAY thank you for asking! I actually don't read scary stuff a lot b/c I'm a wimp, but I have a few spooky/autumnal books up my sleeves! Let's see what we've got!!

1) The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

Let me just start by saying that Sarah Waters is one of my absolute favorite authors ever! All her novels are suspenseful, twisty historical novels with great female and queer characters. Although, fair warning, actually The Little Stranger is like her one novel that isn't queer, but it is VERY good. If you read The Little Stranger and like it, please read Fingersmith and/or The Paying Guests.

The Little Stranger is set in the countryside of post-WWII England and follows a mild-mannered doctor as he becomes increasingly involved in the lives of the family living in the local, increasingly decrepit, possibly haunted mansion. Think Downton Abbey but creepy. Strange things keep happening inside the house, from dog bites to mysterious sounds to creepy black spots. Literally just typing that gave me goosebumps. It seems like someone may be out to get the family, but who...or what? Is it simply the ghosts of their own painful memories, or is something more? Sarah Waters is excellent at lush, intricate historical detail, and she leans into that here to create an atmosphere of slowly building dread and horror and mystery.

That being said, as a person who isn't normally a fan of horror, I don't think this book is too scary. It's more of an atmospheric, psychological horror than a jump-scare, bloody horror. It's not a book that will give you nightmares (probably), but you might lie awake thinking about it.

Also. Pro-tip. As a haunted(?) house story, the house is obviously fairly central to the story. Dear fellow Americans, keep in mind that the British refer to the floors of a building differently than us. For Americans, the ground-level floor is called the first floor, the floor above that the second floor, etc. For the British, the ground-level floor is the ground floor, and the floor above that is the first floor, etc. There's all sorts of creepy references to characters hearing noises above them on the first floor, but I was just like, Why are they always in the basement?

2) Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia

This and the above are two very different books, and yet they are both set in the mid-1900s and both are about weird, creepy, maybe-haunted houses. What can I say, I like gothic fiction.

After our heroine, Noemi, receives a bizarre, borderline incoherent letter from her beloved cousin, she sets out to visit her in the literally decaying mansion she resides in with her husband and his new family deep in the countryside of Mexico. All Noemi wants to do is persuade her cousin to come back home with her, but her cousin's new in-laws are very determined not to let that happen...or to let Noemi leave either. Secrets abound in the bizarre house and even creepier nearby cemetery, and soon Noemi finds that she too is suffering from bizarre dreams and visions...although, are they just dreams?

This book is so weird, but in such a good way? I read it for a book club and every week we had increasingly bizarre theories about what was going on, we were googling alchemy and fungi and St George, and some of our theories were even right. Although definitely not all. Another very twisty one that keeps you guessing.

In terms of scariness, interestingly I think there's more overtly creepy and horrifying moments in this novel than The Little Stranger, but I found TLS more overall scary? But that may be because I read it quickly, which I think is the ideal setting for suspenseful stuff, and I read Mexican Gothic over a longer amount of time since it was for a book club. This one does have some more typical horror elements to it, but I don't think it's more creepy than terrifying.

3) The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

I listened to this one as an audiobook and the audiobook is excellent so would recommend that, but have no doubt it would also be great to physically read.

Oh my god this book...it's more thriller than horror, but I think it fits the brief. There were multiple moments listening to this book that I literally gasped or said "OH MY GOD!" out loud, and there are moments which are very creepy and horrifying. There's a particular scene in the backyard... Again, incredibly suspenseful and twisty. And the character development and character psychology is just! really really good! There's also really interesting and knotty feminist stuff which is a lot more complicated and nasty than some of the "girlboss" stuff which is popular right now.

Super minimal summary: All you really need to know is that it is a sci fi novel about a scientific researcher trying to pick up her life after her marriage has imploded, only for everything to go BATSHIT WRONG. Trust me, that's all you need to know, it's better to go into this not knowing what's going to happen or what to expect. I had no clue what this novel was about when I started it, and holy shit. Very good book, absolutely recommend this if you want some super suspenseful, creepy sci fi that will make you say "oh my GOD" repeatedly.

Okay, shifting gears a little now b/c autumn isn't just spooky, it's also cozy and restful and daydreamy!

4) The Thinking Woman's Guide to Real Magic by Emily Croy Barker

This isn't maybe a cozy book per se, but it's a great book to cuddle down with on a dreary day and lose yourself in. If you've ever asked yourself, "What would it be like if you crossed Pride and Prejudice with Howl's Moving Castle except the wizard was way worse but somehow still sexy" - then you should read this book! I actually came across this book b/c I was like, I wanna read a book that's a portal fantasy but for adults, and this book was like OH here's everything you wanted.

It's about a grad student, Nora, who has totally stalled out on her dissertation and is at a shitty wedding when she accidentally wanders through a portal into a beautiful, fantastical fairy world. At first, everything is amazing and literally perfect...but surprise surprise, not all as is it seems, and soon everything goes to, how should I put it, shit. Nora escapes, but rather than returning home, she finds herself trapped in a far more dreary realm. But not one without it's own charms and it's own magic, and Nora finds herself the student-slash-sorta-captive of the crochety, sexy, maybe-killed-his-wife magician Aruendiel* and she begins to learn magic herself.

Unlike the above books, this is not a fast-paced, twisty book, and I think if you go into this expecting high fantasy along the lines of Game of Thrones, you may be disappointed. It's not really a typical high-fantasy novel, it's more of a cross of an 18th/19th century realist novel, a fairy tale, and a fantasy novel. But if you want that, then it's REALLY good! I loved this book! And the magic in it is so cool, something about the way its described feels so visceral and real and like you could really do it if you just tried hard enough. There is a romance and it's totally, intentionally hashtag problematic, but it's very laid back, very slow burn, so I think even if you aren't a person who digs romance you can still enjoy this. If you're looking for a feminist-leaning fantasy novel that you can just sink into and lose yourself in, this is the perfect book. You will long to magically fix broken plates.

5) The Ruthless Lady's Guide to Wizardry by C.M. Waggoner

Honestly I can't even justify why I think this one is an autumn book. It simply is. It's autumn colored in my head. It is the coziest book I have ever read about necromancy and crime. Also I just want to recommend it. This is another one that I listened to as an audiobook and it's also a good audiobook, for those who are interested. But it also means I will not be able to spell absolutely any of the character's names.

This novel follows Delly, an enterprising young scoundrel of a fire witch with a teeny tiny gin habit as she attempts to support herself and her hot-mess of a mom in the roughest neighborhoods of Fantasy-City-That-I-Can't-Remember-The-Name-Of. Lice...gate? When Delly comes across an advertisement for a bodyguarding job for young women for a hefty fee, it seems like the answer to definitely not all but at least some of her problems. She accepts, along with an interesting assortment of other sorcerous young ladies, including a wonderfully bitchy Absentia (my love), a young woman who can turn into a boar, boar girl's necromancer mother, and the very sexy part-troll Winn, who in my imagination looks like Gwendoline Christie and talks like Miranda Hart. Which. Perfect woman. Winn being a fine, wealthy young lady, Delly can't help but think to herself that it wouldn't be such a bad thing if Winn happened to fall in love with her and carried her off to be rich and spoiled the rest of her life.

Of course, things quickly don't go to plan, and soon Delly and her companions find herself caught up in wicked schemes of murder, drugs, and an undead mouse named Buttons who says BONG. I love Buttons SO MUCH.

This book is just a silly romp of a novel which worms into your heart and your brain. It's fun and cute and gay, and also it made me cry. I haven't stopped thinking, "Not quite regulation hammerball" since I listened to it like half a year ago.

Also, while I'm here, this novel is set in the same world as and features a few of the same characters as Unnatural Magic. Which is also a hell of a book. Literally the best bisexual relationship I have ever fuckin read. It's a winter book tho, so I simply can't go into it here.

Aaaaand...that it's! Happy autumnal reading :)