#a.c. freedom cry

[gwen-the-assassin]

So....i am heart broken to see the jackdaw has sunken, but freedom cry takes place the same year that Edward Kenway dies. So, it's kind of fitting I guess... still heart breaking

[amethystpath-writes]

Hola, mademoiselle! Would you mind continuing "Drugged hero" PLEASE?! Danké !

I love that there’s four languages in just three sentences. Amazing.

I need to change the title to Drugged Angel. Oopses. As a pre-cursor...Hunter and Marcy are now going to be considered OCs. This, and the previous one explore the basics of the characters, but I can also do random tropes with them as requested since the basis is Marcy being- cough, cough- tortured. Having said that, heed the tags.

@whatwhumpcomments @daydreamed-snippets-2nd-blog

******

A weight on Marcy’s back woke her. It was an odd sensation, one she hadn’t felt in months, but immediately recognized. It was the weight of her wings. She couldn’t brave opening her eyes and turning her head back.

Tears pricked her eyes, spilling out of the corners and running warm down her cheeks, chin, neck, and into her shirt, which was tight against her throat. If Marcy reached back to feel her wings, she’d feel the fabric of her shirt being pulled back with them. She was thankful, at least, that she wasn’t choking. But maybe she shouldn’t feel thankful for that. Maybe dying was better than…

The realization that Marcy was in Hell struck her like a wave of fire. A cry raised in her throat, but she kept her eyes screwed shut. Opening them meant facing reality. Opening them meant being fully aware of her situation. It meant taking in the bars Hunter always kept her in, and taking in the wings- once white, now a dark grey and leathery with few feathers- on her back, the ones that made her feel so impossibly heavy.

Eventually she would have to open her eyes, but for now Marcy had to tell herself she was dreaming. In her reality, she was laying in a human bed- not an odd nest in a cage- and she had the television on because otherwise her ears rang loudly from the noises of her past. There was a nightlight in her room that would be active despite the tv being one because it was behind her bed, cloaked in shadow if not for its own light. Marcy tried to imagine herself being that little light- one so small, but so capable of staying lit. Darkness used to be a comfort to her because it meant she could admire the glow of her own skin. In the light, there was nothing special; everything looked the same. But in the dark, Marcy’s skin glowed an orange-yellow, and she felt glorious- holy.

Darkness didn’t have the comfort now that it did then. Now it was just a place where Marcy could be found- could be touched- by any beings of the night, since that’s where they manifested. Of course, it was always night at Hunter’s home, and he didn’t mind visitors, especially since it was only ever to see his pet- to see Marcy. Not many demons had succeeded in turning angels into fallen by simply presenting them a choice.

An image of a writhing human flashed across Marcy’s mind.

There was only one. If there had been two or three, she might have been able to redeem herself, but Hunter only gave her one dying human. It didn’t work out quite as Hunter planned. Marcy was supposed to finish the job, and then she’d earn her freedom. Instead, she comforted the human while it died. Marcy should have known it was a trick, then and there, when Hunter still let her go. But as he said, “You could have healed them. You did not. Leave.”

Marcy hadn’t thought twice about leaving when granted her opportunity. She spread her white wings, she glowed, and she was gone.

But then she was falling from the sky, wings useless as her body darted towards the ground. Marcy saw her white wings shrouded with grey tendrils. Even as she fell, she could feel those shadows pushing and pulling her wings, stretching them, and tugging the feathers away before settling. Her wings were grey, and they weren’t like those of a bird anymore. They weren’t like anything known to creation. Marcy’s wings now belonged only to the Fallen. She wasn’t granted access into her holy lands. She was banned.

Becoming one of the Fallen was easier than she anticipated. Marcy didn’t glow quite as much as when she was an angel. And the small amount that she did was a different colour- blue. It allowed her to blend in with the humans. When a human questioned her glow, she said it was ‘glow-in-the-dark paint’ because apparently that was a thing. Either way, Hunter wouldn’t find her. But he did. Marcy didn’t know that the blue glow attracted demons whereas the orange-yellow repelled them. After just a few months, Hunter slipped something into Marcy’s water, and now she was kneeled in a cage with her eyes screwed shut, and her fallen wings permanently sprouted behind her.

Ting. Ting. Ting.

Marcy jumped at every sound, taking ragged breaths. It’s a flagpole. I’m in bed and- and someone put a flag up. It’s just metal hitting metal. Not a tail on a cage.

A hand brushed her wings and she felt what few feathers there were still attached to the top bristling. A breeze. The A.C. must have kicked on.

A fist clenched around her two wings, tightening, tightening- she pulled them away, both of them, as she found they were pinned together by something. Her eyes opened, but she casted her gaze to her knees while she sat knelt in the twig and mud nest. She hated this nest.

“There she is, my pretty bird.” Hunter’s hand found her wings again and this time she knew not to pull away.

Marcy opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. It was pointless to say she wasn’t an angel. To a demon, she’d always be considered one. Even if she became a demon herself, they’d always value her as being a pet from the holy lands. The demons loved to acknowledge they made something so pure fall from grace.

“You shy away from me again. You didn’t miss my little touches?”

She remained still but took notice of the light illuminating her cage. Hunter only ever used a light when he wanted Marcy for himself. When the light was off, the other demons swarmed in. Marcy swallowed. “You said you would let me go, Hunteriaysa.”

“Using my full name? You’re hopeful, today, aren’t you?”

“I-” Marcy shook her head, finally looking up and over her shoulder. She could barely see the shadowy figure which was Hunter beyond her wings. But she did see the claws, could see how they barely missed touching the flesh of her wings. “You said you would let me go,” Marcy repeated.

Hunter laughed, and his claws finally skimmed Marcy’s left wing. She whined, but otherwise did nothing as he began to speak. “And I did. You didn’t think it was permanent, did you? Certainly, after you created your own option when given mine, you knew I’d come after you again. There are no loopholes in my deals, and every time you try to find one, you’ll be punished for it. This was your warning.”

This time, Marcy did rip away from the demon’s grasp, and in the process his claws left red gashes. Hopefully, it would scar, Marcy thought. Hopefully, she could make herself less beautiful to the demon, to Hunteriaysa. “I have fallen because of what I did under your demand, and that wasn’t punishment enough for you? I can’t go home, Hunteriaysa.”

“One, it wasn’t a demand. You chose freedom over a human’s life. According to the committee of the holy lands, you deserved your fall.” Ting, ting, ting. Hunter’s tail clanked against the cage as he rounded to the front, where Marcy began looking. She looked down when he came in front of her, looked down at his clawed feet- like a gargoyle’s. “Two, if you call me by my full name again, I will rip those precious feathers out from the tops of your wings. Once a week. I know they grow back.”

She couldn’t let him do that. It wouldn’t make her fall anymore- she’d already done that- and it wouldn’t turn her into a demon, but the feathers that remained were to serve as a reminder to former angels of their fall. Though one of the Fallen couldn’t technically fall again, they’d feel the pain of landing each time a feather was ripped out. Demons were happy to pull them, all angels and fallen knew.

If Marcy could have tucked her wings, she would have done so now. Better yet, if she could hide them, she would. “Don’t you remember being holy, Hun-Hunter?”

“We all do, but you know what I remember more than that?” Hunter reached into the pockets of his white trousers- which contrasted greatly against his midnight skin- and pulled out a key.

Marcy hated that key. She stood on wobbly legs that barely had feeling and backed up against the opposite end of her cage. She suddenly felt very hot, but her skin was riddled with goosebumps. Her breaths were deep, but they didn’t feel like they were reaching her lungs. The panic Hunter sent her in was uncontrollable, especially as he threatened to pluck her feathers, though in truth, she would have been panicked before the threat. He was a demon, and he acted like one for as long as he had captured her.

“Don’t,” Marcy whispered as Hunter opened the door. He kept it wide open as he stepped in; he always did this to give his bird a false hope of escape. She utilized the opportunity twice, both times ending in her own bloody skinned- and screaming humans to top it off. “Hunter, please. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t said what it was he thought of, but Marcy knew. Hunter dangled it over her head like fresh meat over a weak lion- tauntingly.

He stepped closer and Marcy’s hands found themselves wrapped around the bars behind her, clenched. Her wings passed through, out of reach from the demon stepping towards her.

“I let you fall,” she said. “I’m sorry. If I could have brought you back, I would, but you know I would have only been casted away with you. But I came to you, Hunteriaysa. I came to you to help, and I wasn’t allowed, but I did because I loved you and I was willing to put my grace at risk for you. You brought me here against my wishes.”

Hunter was a step away- too close, much too close. “You said my name.”

Her eyes widened and she shook her head wildly. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to, Hunter. Hunter. Understand me, please. I loved you, and I came for you. Why do you do this to me?”

“Because…” Hunter brought a hand to his bird’s face, stroking a thumb across her cheekbone gently. She almost nestled into his touch. “You betrayed me. I killed that human to save you from what I am now. You told the council. You damned me.”

She whimpered; eyes closed. “I didn’t want to, Hun- I’m sorry. I’m not meaning to use that name. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” His hand was warm on her cheek and it reminded her of when Hunteriaysa was an angel. He was so sweet, then, so loving and kind, and he loved Marcy more than anything. He protected her against a demon ready to capture her. Hunteriaysa killed a human to protect Marcy…and she turned him in for it out of fear for it being found out and that she might be in trouble for keeping it secret. “I’m sorry. I loved you, though. You have to know that, Hunter.”

His finger turned sharp against her cheek and she gasped, pushing her head back and to the side, her other cheek pressed hard against the bars as she tried to get away. “And what about now, Marsielia? I found you looking for me, and when I brought you back, you tried running away. Tell me, is that how you love?”

Marcy understood now why hearing an angel’s full name was so distasteful to demons- apparently it was to the Fallen, too, as she felt it herself. Her brain was struck like a gong. Her name was as forbidden as she was in the holy lands now. She swallowed, and Hunter dug a claw into her cheek.

“Forgive me,” Marcy whispered. She peered at her old lover with only her eyes, no turning of the head, or else Hunter’s claw might strike bone. “I had been scared. I was selfish, and I should have fallen with you then.”

“Is that truly what you believe?”

Despite the claw, she nodded, not believing she could admit it vocally.

“Then join me. Allow yourself that final plunge into darkness and be one with me.”

Her breath shuddered. “Become a- a demon?”

“Yes.” Hunter’s voice was a smooth hiss. “You’ve already fallen, and you can’t return to the holy lands. Submit to the darkness, Marsielia, and become it. I will forgive you then.”

Her body jolted as he used her name again, his claw pushing in further. “You’ll continue to hurt me if I don’t,” Marcy said. “You don’t love me anymore; you just want your revenge. You have changed entirely.” She nearly dared to speak his own name but remembered his threat.

“Of course, I changed, dear. I was betrayed.” His claws retracted, his fingers brushing over the hole he made in Marcy’s cheek. “I was betrayed by the bird I loved most. Do you understand that your betrayal hurt worse than my fall? I didn’t even flinch when my kind found me, ripped my feathers out over, and over, and over again. It didn’t hurt like what you did to me. I loved you, Marsielia. I fell for you so you wouldn’t be taken and tortured by my kind, and you turned me in.”

He brought a finger to her chin, hooked it, and forced her to look at him. “So, what will it be, Marcy? Will you be with me or should I turn the light out?”

Marcy shook her head. “Don’t. Please don’t. Hunter, you know what they’ll do- what they do every time.”

“Rip out your feathers? Tear your wings? Scratch and prod at you with searing talons? Take your precious lips with their own? It isn’t so bad, is it? It can’t be worse than becoming one of them, right? Like becoming me?”

“You can’t do this. Hunter, please.”

Hunteriaysa took steps back and back until he was grasping the door, watching as Marcy’s face fell deeper into despair and fear. “One day, you’ll submit, and you’ll love me again. And then? You can never betray me again because you have already fallen, and you will have nothing else to lose.” He shut the cage door, locking it with the key before placing it back in his pocket once again. His tail dragged along the floor, and he said, “Until then…I heard some of my kind have begun using their tails as whips. If my visitors tonight don’t, maybe I’ll try it out myself. Or maybe I will do it either way. Goodnight, my love. May your screams derive from Hell- which they will.”

The light turned out, and not a moment later, Marsielia’s skin glowed blue, and she saw the shadows dance with the light. “Hunter!” But Hunter wasn’t there, and the demons were excited to see such pretty white feathers, no matter how few.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Seven

B.C.

“Y/N I swear. If you ever do anything that blatantly stupid ever again,” Steve threatened as you sipped a cup of water.

“Yes, dad,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

Steve glared at you as Natasha muttered angry Russian expletives and you smile a little, “Look, I knew that it was incredibly unlikely I was going to die. It was just going to hurt. A lot. Still hurts actually.”

Natasha scowled as she tucked the blankets around you, “It was still stupid.”

“Oh,” you snort, wincing, “There’s no doubt about that. But It was effective and I had to act fast... That hell-hound had only been topside about 12 hours. And I almost couldn’t stop it... If I’d waited we would have been fucked. And it takes centuries for demons to marshal enough energy to build one up here... So. I’ll take the win.”

Thor was quiet, arms folded where he leaned on the wall. He was glad you were safe. That you were going to make a full recovery. But the image of you in a pool of black blood, bloodied and twitching still made his chest ache. “How did you know I wouldn’t kill you?”  he asked softly. 

“Your less well-documented powers don’t exist in a vacuum, Thor,” you answer, “Terrified Christian monks who wrote down stories had to hear them from somewhere... I needed consecrated ground. Quickly. And to do that I needed to be able to conduct the energy and... I needed to be holding on to direct it where I needed it to go.” Thor moved closer to the bed and pats your cheek, “We thought we lost you for a second, witchling.”

“Nah,” you say, giving him a brave smile. It still felt like you might be dying. It certainly hurt that much. “I’m like a bad habit.”

“Thor isn’t Christian,” Steve said abruptly. 

You shrug, “The Christians don’t hold a monopoly on Holy... The definition is fairly flexible. Thor still has followers, thus where he works a miracle... and this fucking counts because I didn’t know if this was gonna work, there is holy ground.”

Steve frowned but nodded, taking a second to kiss the side of your head, “Still. If you ever do something that stupid ever again I’m gonna make Bucky do your training rounds with you.”

Thor chanced to glance at you and your face betrayed nothing. Only the same mild amusement it had a moment ago. And as for year heartbeat... well. It was still irregular and too fast. Your body on high alert after your Jolt. But a muscle in your throat pulsed just slightly. Just enough to tell him your prey instincts had kicked in, and if you could have done it, you’d be ready to bolt.

The Three of them left shortly after to give you some time to rest and Clint slipped in quietly. 

“Hey, Cupcake,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. Now that your eyes were open and you were sitting up he felt like it was okay. Before “okay” was a horribly abstract concept. 

“Hey, Hawk,” you say, smiling a little. “You okay?” Clint takes a second to look at you. Big luminous eyes and tangled chaotic hair. You look frail and pale... Nat had told him like a sick Victorian Child who wouldn’t make it to Spring. But fuck if you aren’t the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

“Now that I’m seeing you alive?” he said giving you a crooked smile and tucking himself sitting next to you, “I’m great. This might be the best day of my life... I thought you were a goner, babe.”

You rest your head on his shoulder, “There’ll be better days, Clint,” you tell him fondly. 

“Yeah,” he said, “The day they let you out of medical and you meet my dog.”

“YOU GOT A DOG?” you yelp, “Gimme, lemme see the puppy.” You make a sort of vague grabby hands gesture.

“He’s not a puppy. He’s a grumpy mutt I pulled out of an Alley... who then proceeded to steal my pizza and get shot.” he said, “And they told me he can’t be in here.”

“But witches need to commune with nature,” you pout, “And that,” you say pointing at the sad little potted plant in your window sill, “Is NOT nature. It’s plastic!”

Clint chuckles and rests his cheek on your head, “If I get in trouble I’m blaming you.”

“Don’t you usually?” you ask.

“Touche,” Clint conceded getting off the bed. He knew from the jump he couldn’t tell you no. He’d already told Lucky all about you. And as he padded his way into the room and made his way up to the bed, Clint had no regrets. 

Lucky wiggled his way into your arms and accepted all the kisses and cuddles and effusive compliments about what a pretty boy he was. And Clint watched, smiling a little. You glowed. Warmth and light. Compassion. You took in everyone’s flaws and loved them anyway. The way you didn’t think you deserved. And Clint knew. He knew. That he’d never be able to tell you “no” ever again. He also, when he had to half drag Lucky off your bed, was vaguely aware that his dog probably loved you more than him. And Clint had to admit that that was fair. You were definitely nicer to look at. 

____________________

A.C.

“Where’s Lucky,” you ask in the quiet on your porch.

“With Nat,” Clint answers smiling a little, “Plane rides freak him out.”

Clint watched the sun sink lower, burning up the atmosphere and turning the sky a flamingo pink. Stars were starting to sparkle on the horizon and the air was getting cooler. Crickets were singing and birds were calling out. It felt nice. Rocking you on the porch swing in the quiet. 

“So,” he asked teasing, “If you don’t have T.V. what do you do out here?”

“This,” you answer, gesturing vaguely. “There’s a pond out back for swimming and my closest neighbor is four miles away... I just. I mean I’m not a total animal. I do have Wifi. But sometimes I just... I can’t take being trapped in anymore.”

Clint makes a soft sound and pulls you closer, “So you wanted freedom.”

“And some time. Time to figure out my next move.”

“Are you coming back?” he asked, his voice so soft that you can hardly hear him.

“I don’t- I’m not- I shouldn’t.” you settle on finally, “We just got the team back in working order... and this. This is the only family I have. I really don’t want to be the one responsible for tearing it apart.”

Clint stops and looks down at you, tilting your chin up carefully, “Babe,” he murmurs, “You did nothing wrong. Not one thing. Barnes did all of this. You were quietly nursing a harmless little crush. And he exploited it. Exploited you.” When you look away, uncertain he sighs, “Look. If it were Nat what would you tell her?”

“Nat would have already killed him,” you point out.

Clint makes a soft exasperated sound, “Fine. Any other woman. Would this be their fault?”

“No but-” you trail off and Clint stops, stroking his thumb against your jaw.

“But what?” he presses.

“They aren’t me,” you say exhaling slowly. 

“What does that mean, baby girl,” he asks.

“I mean I could have influenced him. I could have cast a charm unintentionally and he could have reacted poorly and-”

Clint tries. He wants to hear how you’ve twisted this around in your head to make it all your fault. He wants to know so he can tear it apart. But he can’t. He can’t listen to you justify that level of manipulation. So he kisses you. It’s a soft kiss. The gentlest way he knows to stop you talking. To distract whatever anxious death spiral you’re about to go down to tell yourself that you did this and you deserve it all. 

It’s over before it really starts and Clint is pulling away about to apologize when you sit there blinking at him in shock. “Stop,” he says instead of apologizing. “I know you. You never do anything like that unintentionally. Hell. You never do anything unintentionally. You agonize about people’s feelings for hours before you send a risky text sometimes... Even if you did cast some spell on him, baby it’s the same one you cast on everyone. Just by being you. And being you doesn’t mean that that grumpy fuck gets to abuse you.”

When you start to cry, Clint pulls you into his lap wordlessly and just rocks you. “No one,” he murmurs, “deserves what people have done to you, babe. Not one person.” He doesn’t try to stop it. He just lets you sob, even though every racked stuttering breath makes his chest hurt. He’s seen you a mess before, but not like this. Not this shattered and jagged. This tortured. 

And for once, he doesn’t think a stupid joke and a cupcake is going to make it better. For once, he’s going to have to ride out the storm.

____________

B.C.

Girls' night in the compound meant a lot of things. Mostly, it meant that Tony was working Pepper’s last nerve and had enlisted every last woman she could find to throw a night out on his dime because he’d irritated her. 

But it also meant, of course, that the men in the compound had unexpected free time. Which was both a blessing and a curse as they all sat in the commons trying to decide what movies to watch and what pizza toppings to order. 

They were mid-argument when you came downstairs kitted out for the night. Complete with a corset, black leather skirt, fishnets, and combat boots. You look feral and sexy. Sleek. All smoke and sultry. And that skirt is riding temptingly high on your thigh. For just a half a second, Bucky can’t not stare. 

Until he realizes who you are. 

“You look-” Steve stops. Not sure what to say, looking flustered. You never show that amount of skin if you can help it. 

“Otherworldly and vaguely threatening?” Bruce supplies, as Thor nods in agreement. 

Sam whistles, “Damn,” he says, “Girl where’d you hide that outfit?”

Clint, standing next to Thor makes a sound that reminds the god irresistibly of a mouse being stepped on. The god is pretty sure the Archer stopped breathing when you stepped off the elevator.

“Nice “Come fuck me boots,” Tony observed drily.

“They were on sale,” you say, tossing a wild mane of curls over your shoulder.

When you drift out, Clint falls forward, face planting into the sofa, “Please. Please tell me that was real.”

“Oh yeah,” Sam chuckled, “That was real.”

“Fuck me.” he groaned, “That’s just rude.”

“Or not,” Bucky muttered, picking up his phone.

___________

When you hadn’t so much as looked at him, Bucky was irritated. Who the fuck were you to not pay attention to him. Well. He had a way to fix you. He had a way to remind you that he could destroy you. And he wanted to. 

How dare you act like he didn’t matter to you when he knew it wasn’t true. He knew it wasn’t from the quiet way you still just... did things. The way he could hear your heart race in a quiet room. The way your eyes light up when he was even passingly civil. The innocence rankled. The sweetness. The fact that you got to stay the same while he was beaten into submission. 

It didn’t take long. Not for the next phase of his plan to take place. Models were in easy supply. Everyone wanted to fuck a hero. And when he started looking, women crawled out of the woodwork. Perfect. The perfect thing to trot out.

The first one had almost been accidental but after that... well after that, it was fun. The shock. The blushing. The scampering up the hall. The next morning knowing you’d skip breakfast to get your work out in. It felt right, ripping those pieces of innocence out from under you. Forcing you to stop in your tracks and deal with this reality instead of sprinkling glitter on it.

He loved every minute of snatching that out of your hands. But, he reflected, it felt like it was time for something... new. Of course, he came to this conclusion when you walked in on him fucking some blonde off of Tinder in the motor pool when you were going to get your jeep and you’d not looked nearly... startled, enough. He needed more, he decided. He just needed to figure out how to get it.

Tags: @lancsnerd, @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @etherealwaifgoddess, @stevieang, @beautybyfire, @sunmoonandbucky @mrsfox79, @bbmommy0902, @mendes-fan, @iheartsebastianstan, @wtfcas @pinknerdpanda, @process-pending, @ladifreakingda, @leasly, @coldbookworm, @hv-chw3, @past-perfect-future-tense, @starkrobb @beardburnsupersoldiers, @petlaufeyson, @queenoftheunderdark, @potatoheadthewise, @thehyperactiveteen, @thefridgeismybestie, @boyett514, @an-awkward-human-1, @sunshine-and-riverwater

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Let me tell you about A.C.E (Appreciation post and a guide)

‘So I have stanned A.C. E since debut and have always enjoyed them, but this comeback really sparked something and they have now become one of my favorite groups of all time. They are still criminally underrated so I thought I would make a little appreciation post, because they deserve it. Also while writing this turned out to be a lowkey guide too. 

So let’s start

BEAT INTERACTIVE

All I have to say is in this house we stan CEO Hyeim. Beat Interactive is a company that only houses A.C.E. The respect for them starts from literally the beginning, their name A.C.E starts because they didn’t want to refer to the members as trainees, but as their companies’ aces. 

If you don’t know A.C.E stands for Adventure Calling Emotions and adventure is a big part that Beat Interactive let’s A.C.E have. A.C.E are a group going on an adventure being able to find themselves in a company that let’s them. 

A.C.E when they were ‘trainees’ were also just like, “Can we busk?” and Beat Interactive was like “You wanna busk? Okay here use the sound system and have fun” Beat Interactive let them choose locations, set ups etc. 

Beat Interactive give A.C.E alot of freedom and this is why they have grown so well.

Beat Interactive also makes sure they are well educated. Their Ceo made sure that they would be educated, reading books on feminism and opening a tab on their community to talk about the things they learned and discussing things with fans which I find amazing. 

Thank you Beat Interactive, staff and CEO Hyeim for treatting our boys so well!

A.C.E’s growth

I personally very much like it when groups debut and aren’t immediately popular. Let me explain, I feel like debuting with a strong popularity and getting very big on the first song. I feel like that intense popularity adds a lot of pressure to the group from the get go and it also brings a lot of negativity. 

A.C.E have had a slow start. Their debut bringing them controversial opinions due to the styling. It seemed like that’s what everyone really focused on. But ‘Cactus’ as a song was a solid debut as a song. The mv wasn’t high budget, but it didn’t need to be. The styling was daring and I really loved it alot and thought it was a good risk to take. The choreo was impeccable but no one really seemed to focus on that, it was all about what they were wearing which was kinda sad. Felt liek their talent was being overlooked. 

They then released ‘Callin’ and it’s personally one of my favorites of theirs (who am i kidding all their releases are my favorite) the song is great follow up to ‘Cactus’ keeping up with the hardstyle genre but with a nice twist. The styling for this one wasn’t as risky and the choreo was absolutely amazing and the song showcased all of their talents. 

Then A.C.E went on some survival shows, Jun and Chan going on The Unit and Wow, Byeongkwan and Donghun going on Mixnine. 

I would just like to add all the members of A.C.E did very well on the shows they were on. Chan making it into the final lineup on The Unit, and being in the temporary group UNB. Jun ranked 21 out of 63 and Chan ranked 9 out of 23 on The Unit. 

On Mixnine, Byeongkwan and Donghun made it into the final lineup of Mixnine but never debuted because YG is a snake. Byeongkwan ranked 4, Donghun ranked 8 and Wow ranked 12 out of 72 male trainees. 

These survival shows brought more attention A.C.E’s way and was a good choice for them. 

After the survival shows, 4/5 of A.C.E came back with ‘Take me Higher’ which was very different from their previous songs and this was their first mini album. ‘Take me Higher’ is a bright happy track with fun colors and shows off their vocals very well. 

The choreo was very fun, not as complicated as their previous songs but very fitting and the styling again was different. Men sporting crop tops on live stages with no undershirts was something kinda new and again very refreshing to see. 

The B-sides on the album also gave us a chance to see a different side of them. ‘Black and Blue’ being an intense song sung by Jun and Wow. ‘Dessert’ being a fun playful track by Donghun and Byeongkwan. ‘5tar(incomplete version)’ being a beautiful ballad for the fans but sadly missing a member. 

I remember this album coming out and I was having an absolutely horrible day and this song coming out. It made my day so much better and just put a huge smile on my face. So I am very thankfull for that. 

And then BOOM. ‘Undercover’ came being undoubtebly one of my favorite releases of 2019. To me it felt like forever before A.C.E came back and they came back with vengeance and all 5 members. 

‘Undercover’ is such an intense track and the music video matches it very much so. With smooth outfit transitions in choreo parts, awesome styling and Byeongkwan in that yellow leopard crop top and coat with the pigtails and yeah. Wow with glitter brows. Rap dup really shined this era and just amazing. 

This choreography is also the toughest A.C.E choreo they have and it is incredibly intense, if you want a good workout, learn that choreo.

This was also an EP with hard hitting tracks like “Do it like me” and “Mr. Bass” and another beautiful fan song “If you heard” which makes me cry. 

Savage. This song, this comeback holds one of my favorite tracks of all time. ‘Savage’ really was the comeback I needed in the midst of all the bad stuff going on it really made me very happy. 

So ‘Savage’ is really intense with a hard bass and just great. I love this. Wow’s rap is one of my favorites of all time. I wish it was so much longer. The vocals in this song are deep and full. The choreography isn’t their hardest but fits the song and is very high energy. 

The b-sides on this album are my absolute favorite. ‘Slow Dive’ is actually one of my favorite songs of all time right now. The vibe is dark and sexy yet still very smooth. ‘So sick’ showcases all of their vocals beautifully and my bias has my favorite part in the song too so it’s just lovely. ‘Holiday’ is a fun bright track which contrasts the title track a little but is still incredible. ‘Take me higher (complete version)’ THEY MADE A VERSION WITH ALL 5 MEMBERS. 

The Members

These boys have also been through a lot of growth. 

Jun had a training period of 7 years and almost debuted 3 times which must have been incredibly hard. But I am glad because he is now here with these 4 boys who love him and he is definitely one of the best leaders I have seen. 

Jun also has this like unique sense of humor and is just incredibly funny even though the members say he isn’t. Also if you are ever bored just look up “A.C.E Idol Class funny moments” because he’s in almost every single one of them and they are hysterical. Also... “Butter” 

Donghun is also just incredibly talented. His vocals are some of my favorites, ever. His vocals are so full and warm and they just make me feel comfortable? yeah I guess that’s right. 

This boy is so freaking funny and sometimes just downright savage towards the other members, he always makes me laugh and smile. Also he is my main bias wrecker in A.C.E. 

Wow is my bias in A.C.E (and my ult) and one of the best dancers I have ever seen. It’s just so fascinating to watch his body move and he does it with so much emotion. If the dance is agressive, he radiates angry energy. If the dance is sensual the way his body moves is smooth and sexy. 

He used to be quite shy and awkward when A.C.E first debuted but like it’s so nice to see him coming out of his shell. He’s been my bias since the beginning (I’ve stanned since debut) and I’ve seen him grow. His vocals have improved sooo much over the years and his raps have been getting better and better and he is one of the best in the game but people don’t know about them. 

Byeongkwan hi, this man is a triple fucking threat. He is the type of man who excels at everything he tries. It’s so cool watching him perform because of his talent and his stage presence is insane. It’s so surprissing to me that he isn’t more famous or popular. 

He also is just a big sweetie like wow he’s so sweet and always tries to do the best for Choice which is awesome. Also crop tops. 

Chan Kang Yuchan. I was surprised hearing his vocals. i was not expecting that baby to have such a deep full beautiful voice. His personality is just so incredibly bright and sweet. He’s such an amazing mood maker and is also incredibly funny. 

Chan is just the type of person you want to hug and protect and take care of. Maybe pinch his cheeks a little. 

This post is way too long. I could talk even more about why they need to be appreciated and why they deserve all the love in the freaking universe. But I’m stopping here. 

In conclusion, my mental state hasn’t been the best of late and A.C.E have made me smile through a lot of shit which is really awesome and I am very greatful for that. I wish they would get more recognition because they are genuinely one of the most well rounded groups I have seen and I have seen a lot of groups. 

Please shower them with love and affection and please keep a lookout for A.C.E and their future releases and projects. 

[mentallychill-ill]

A rape poem: Until 8

Rushing bussing hosting bussling My arms my legs my back ached Yes sir no ma'am we don't serve that anymore Saying hello and goodbye to the hundreds of customers that flow in and out that door I remember when I was just a customer Now I'm a sufferer Until 8 At 4 I would start a restless shift in which I would set all the tables say hello to the old woman that came and sat at the same table everyday and give her iced tea with lemon and rolls for 2 At 5 people started crawling in and telling us about the booth they wanted away from the a.c. but not to far from the t.v. At 6 people started hustling in and complained about the seats that were taken by those at 5 At 7 cranky families who didn't think ahead waited for me to buss all the tables alone and not notice my inner cry to go home At 8 I spammed the shift button and got my ticket I grabbed my tips and tipped myself a pat on the back because I survived But At 8:01 i wasnt free I was still working For myself For he sat by my car with smoke rolling from the same lips that stole my freedom after 8 pm. What I forgot to mention was at 4 pm he waited for me up front and told me about his wife I forgot to mention at 5 his shift started I forgot to mention at 6 I would buss his tables until 7 in which he would pass by and buss my ass And at 8 he took a smoke break, and waited by my car. And one night, when he no longer had shifts, he took me to an alley way And pressed his hands where he thought was his right to take like a dirty dish And he took the breath I could've been using to tell my mom about how busy tonight was And he whispered in my ear "I've been wanting to do this for a long time" But a 4 hour shift three times a week shouldn't have been a full time job to a grown man with a wife and expecting kid. A 4 hour shift shouldn't have groomed me into believing he was a nice man that night I was crying in my car because of school A 4 hour shift shouldn't have stalked me after school and asked why I was ignoring him A 4 hour shift shouldn't have even come to my school A 4 hour shift shouldn't have left me with text messages about what he wanted to do to me and me pushing and crying when he did them A 4 hour shift shouldn't have had me picking up Tylenol everyday after band practice in hopes that if I took enough I wouldn't see him anymore A 4 hour shift shouldn't have made me drive to the hospital in which when I got there and they asked what happened it took 4 hours to pull it out of me like a broken tooth that ended in a police report and scrubs A 4 hour shift shouldn't have given me a month long in patient treatment for ptsd in which was combated with "but they weren't a solider"but I was. I fought. And I lost a war against my body and I lost my soul. A 4 hour shift shouldn't have had my band director visiting me in a hospital seeing me cry because they weren't going to go through with my case A 4 hour shift shouldn't have made me shower every night for an hour trying to scrub his filthy palms off of me A 4 hour shift shouldn't have ended me up in a sexual assault center with repressed memories that turned into this poem about how a 4 hour shift turned into my life being a 4 hour shift But because of a 4 hour shift ,I learned that until 8 pm, bussing, Rushing, hosting, was delaying, fighting, hiding. Until 8 I was safe But now after 8 I stay inside I turn off my phone And I wait for myself to find a way home

[emanresusi-blog]

Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1

L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.