#a. This will make it that much harder for artists to survive

[rustchild]

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[cripplecharacters]

How to Support People with Facial Differences - the Face Equality Week 2024 Special

[large text: How to Support People with Facial Differences - the Face Equality Week 2024 Special]

Today is the 13th of May, which means that the Face Equality Week has just started. This year's theme is “My Face is a Masterpiece” which is probably my favorite sentence ever said about having a facial difference. Huge fan, should be used way more often in my opinion.

Because of this occasion, I would like to share some thoughts about Face Equality that I think are rather entry-level, i.e. you don't need to know much to execute these, but you can still support us.

Stop the stare.

I know it's fun to stare - or so I guess, at least - but maybe you shouldn't. Next time you see someone who has a scar or who's face does not move the same way as yours, just mind your business. We can tell when you're “discreetly” looking.

Don't call us deformed. 

Knowing how the people you're trying to support actually call themselves should be an absolute first step, but most people still fail here. Most of us don't appreciate being called “deformed”. I certainly don't. Say “facial difference”, or “disfigurement” if you must. It's 2024. Leave “deformed” to medical reports from the 70s.

No more “What happened?!”s.

If you aren't a doctor, there's a high-to-100% chance that it's none of your business. It's cool that you're curious - keep it to yourself.

Stop insinuating that we are ugly.

“Support people who are ugly!” isn't very supportive. I would say, not in the slightest. Say “people who don't fit the current beauty standards” if that's what you mean. 

Or, to go with this year's theme, “people whose faces are masterpieces” : )

Use critical thinking online.

Is the reaction photo actually funny, or is it just a person with a craniofacial condition? Is the meme actually a meme, or is it just making fun of a person with a facial disfigurement? Is body-shaming suddenly hilarious to you when the person shamed has strabismus? 

If the entire punchline is “lol they have a disability xd”, it's ableism. Plain and simple.

To go with the point above - your joke is probably not funny.

We get it! You can't help telling us how "you're going to hell for laughing" (which yeah, probably) and how we remind you of the ugliest character you have ever seen. I guarantee you that we heard it, and that you are behaving like an edgy middle schooler who hasn't "found out" yet. It's boring and annoying. Also ableist, but you're aware of that already if you're saying that you're going to hell.

Stop with the goddamn trigger warnings. 

We aren't “body horror”, we aren't “gore”, we aren't something that you need to advise your viewers to use their discretion over. Every “graphic footage: child with neurofibromatosis” and “#tw burn scar” is a sign of ableism and disfiguremisia. People with facial differences deserve to be seen. Ableds can survive seeing a person without a nose.

Do a basic reading on what disfiguremisia is.

New word! And a pretty damn important one. It's a brand of ableism that intersects with more or less everything, and it means discrimination and hatred of people with facial differences/disfigurements. The bullying, harassment, endless name-calling, and microaggressions are all results of disfiguremisia. The ways in which everything is harder for us isn't some unchangeable rule of how the world works, it's just an extremely prevalent type of discrimination.

Understand that we are people.

I know, revolutionary - and yet impossible for so many people to get. We can be a visual representation of evil when it's necessary, we can be a feel-good inspirational story on a morning talk-show, but not much else, it seems. In reality, we are complex, we have our own lives, we can be happy and sad and have the same exact joys and worries that you have.

Hey, artists - facial differences don't make you evil.

Title stolen from a great essay by Lise Deguire (link). When's the last time you saw a positive character with a facial difference that wasn't inspiration porn? I mean a character that's not edgy, full of angst, a murderer, or a villain. Based on what you see in the media, you'd think that having a scar renders you evil on the spot, but in reality it just makes you loathe how artists apparently think you are like. It's boring, it's overdone, it's ableism. Stop doing this, and start noticing when it's being done. Point it out if your friend is writing their new villain to be an evil burn survivor. This kind of portrayal needed to stop ages ago, but tomorrow will be a great time as well.

Before you reply with “I've never seen this” - Darth Vader, Lion King’s Scar (subtle name, great thing to teach kids!), Freddy Krueger, Voldemort, we could be here forever. You're just not paying attention.

Pay attention to where we are not included.

As discussed, there are some places where you see us all the time. But where do you not see us?

Advertisements (unless it's for a scar-removal cream, of course). Fashion shows. Magazine covers. Romance movies where we are the main character.

We deserve to see ourselves in what's around us in the same way able-bodied people do. Trying to make it seem like we don't exist - that's deliberate. 

Interact with our art.

We draw, write, sing, act in movies, we do everything! Support us in the most tangible way - leave us a nice comment, read our books, listen to our songs. Watch movies where actual people with facial differences star, not pseudoinspirational stories about how “being disfigured is ok” where they shove an able-bodied actor into a full face prosthetic just to not have an actor with a disfigurement on set.

Include us.

As this year's Face Equality Week calls for, include us. In art, in movies, in books, in your life. Show us as positive people who are valuable, who are a part of your community - I guarantee that we are in every one that's out there. The world is hostile and unwelcoming to people with facial differences - be the change, wherever you are!

I know that it is different from the usual posts I make, but I hope it was somewhat educational. I just like to use every occasion that I can to force Face Equality into people's heads. To make this at least a bit about writing to keep the blog's theme, I will say that if you want to write about us, you need to care about us in real life as well. Otherwise, it's shallow and pointless.

Below the readmore are some links/resources that you can click to educate yourself further. A lot of them lead to Face Equality International because they have just about everything you should know. If you want to be a better ally to people with facial differences, I heavily recommend them!

#MyFaceIsAMasterpiece

mod Sasza

https://faceequalityinternational.org/2023/04/why-i-will-not-hide/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/disability-is-diversity/202111/hidden-community-the-movement-face-equality

https://faceequalityinternational.org/2022/05/facial-differences-in-the-media/

https://faceequalityinternational.org/2023/04/advertising-excludes-women-with-faces-like-mine/

https://www.phoenix-society.org/resources/burn-community-bookshelf

https://faceequalityinternational.org/about-fei/international-face-equality-week/

https://faceequalityinternational.org/2023/04/hidden-from-view-women-with-facial-differences-in-the-media/

https://www.phoenix-society.org/resources/i-dont-see-your-scars

whoa thanks for actually clicking the readmore!!

[callmerainman]

Alastor with a pure hearted s/o

a/n I'm fully aware that Alastor is aroace. My scenarios are meant to be interpreted as a deep, unconditional love, not necessarily romantic. I'm not aroace but I'm all for educating myself, so please if something's off let me (gently) know. Hope you enjoy :)

TW! canon typical violence

being a twisted person is not a requirement to reincarnate in Hell. Sins depend on religion, culture, societal norms. You were more of a victim, in fact.

you never got used to being in Hell. Surviving not only the Extermination but also the inhabitants becomes harder and harder every year.

it's kill or be killed, but you just can't bring yourself to do any harm to anyone, even if it means risking your own life.

as soon as you hear about princess Charlie Morningstar's new hotel for souls who want a second chance, your bags are PACKED

it's not like you really need redemption, you are pure hearted already. it's more a matter of understanding the reasons why you ended in Hell and coming to terms with them. maybe then the gates of Heaven would open for you. it's also a safer place for you to be.

Charlie welcomes you excitedly; Angel Dust, Husk and Vaggie aren't that friendly at first since your personalities don't match, but they eventually grow fond of you

and then there's, well...the Radio Demon.

you never met an Overlord before, and Alastor was supposed to be gone for years. But his presence wasn't frightening. A big smile spread across his face, he welcomed you like a gentleman.

you heard stories about his lifestyle and even previous murderous acts as a human, but for some reason you just can't bring yourself to fear him.

at first you were kinda pathetic to him. so naive, out of touch with the evils of Hell. he didn't dislike you. just thought your life was so easy to throw away in a society like that and that you wouldn't last long.

it seems like you two don't have much to share. he just wanders in his den, while you spend time in your room. you greet each other and have small talks, but nothing more than that. that's until he hears jazz music play behind your door.

he mentions it during dinner, and you start talking about your interest in 30s jazz music, especially the one of the Roaring 20s. you come from a later era, but you're very much cultured about jazz and its forms and that's enough for Alastor to develop an interest in you.

he has so many jazz artists recommendations, and you share some of your favourite pieces with him through your gramophone.

without even noticing, Alastor starts spending hours in your room just listening to music. some time even practicing swing dancing. and talking about jazz culture all around the world, and entertainment in general. he has many fun facts about the history of radio too!

the others at the hotel notice your growing bond and low-key support it, in their own, weird way. Angel Dust is especially convinced that you two are hooking up, as Husk not-so-kindly explains that it's more likely for Alastor to ascend to Heaven than express interest in sex.

you would start to open yourself up a bit to the Radio Demon. he doesn't understand why, since it didn't ask or never showed much empathy. but he just can't bring himself to tell you to stop. he wants to listen.

you manage to make him talk about some glimpses of his own life and thoughts. you knew that he was the complete opposite of you. incline to Evil, an enjoyer of all things that made your stomach clench. but he's still the one person who spends hours with you just listening to both jazz and your fears.

one day, Alastor decided that in no way you are walking around the city without him. it's just too dangerous for you. he tries to teach you how to use weapons and demonic powers to defend yourself but he doesn't feel like you can make it into Hell by yourself.

you like strolling through the streets with him, arms intertwined, chatting and laughing even if demons around you are shitting their pants just by seeing the Overlord walking around.

but one day, Alastor can't find you.

you're not in your room, or in the Hotel hall. No one saw you that morning. He starts to feel something he never felt in his life: fear.

he darts out the Hotel, trying to find you. that's when he sees you just a few streets away.

a group of animal-like demons is encircling you. you are on your knees, arms over your head to protect yourself. A lion-demon is holding a knife over you and your arms are covered in cuts. you hold something close to your stomach.

that's when Alastor realized that he had feelings for you.

when he threw himself between you and the demons attacking you.

it's the first time you see Alastor without a smile. his teeth are gritted, face full of unprecedented violence and will to kill, breathing heavily in and out in a sort of animalistic way, but there's no trace of his characteristic smile you love.

his body starts to morph into his full demon form. his horns grow exponentially, his body too as it hovers menacingly on top of your aggressors as they start to feel a pure fear they never felt before.

in a matter of a second, they are gone. Alastor has always been a calculated, elegant killer, but this time he only felt a raw, ferocious instinct to kill.

as he's done, he turns around towards you. he doesn't want to, but he snaps.

"W̶̞̐H̷̻͒Y̷̰̅ ̶̠͛D̸͕́I̸͔̍D̴̿͜ ̷̯̇Y̶̭͌Ỏ̴̬U̵̖̍ ̷̛͎Ģ̷̕O̸̩͑ ̷̹̈́O̶̮͆U̸͍̇T̴̙͆ ̷̧̀W̴͓̅I̷̞͑T̸̗͒H̴̹͒O̴̺̓Ṷ̵̂T̵̺̚ ̵̢́M̴̜̅E̶̬̋?̸̻͋!̸̦͂"

you flinch, you never saw Alastor lose his composure. he was always so calm and collected. his voice was static, choppy.

the tears that were cornering your eyes start streaming down your face "I-I..."

"Ţ̶̈Ḧ̴͙́Ė̵̩Ỳ̷̳ ̷̳̒Ã̸̡L̷̛͚M̶͇̚O̸͈̔S̴̜̎T̸͚̊ ̷̤͝K̷͊͜I̵̺͝L̵͚̎L̴̤̆Ẽ̴͖D̶͍̈́ ̵̻͝Y̵̰̑O̸̜͘Ù̶͍!̵̻͝ ̸͓̾D̴̯͒O̶̅͜Ṉ̶̌'̷̹͒T̵͎͋ ̶̺́Y̴̹͂O̶͍̅U̴̘͌ ̵̘̾Û̷̪N̸̩̊D̵͎̋Ȅ̴͜R̵̮͂S̸̰̄T̸̝̅A̵͓͘N̷̩͂Ḏ̴̀?̵̗̍!̸̭̎"

suddenly, your bleeding arms fall from your head. you expose what you've been protecting all along.

a vinyl, a really old record from Alastor's favourite jazz artist. a rare find.

"I-I know but...tomorrow it's your death anniversary and I wanted to give this to you...as a surprise. I'm sorry"

Alastor's face immediately softens. Eyebrows raised, smile still not seen. He's just surprised and...moved.

He doesn't say anything, he just picks you up in his arms and takes you back to the Hotel where he bandages your arms.

Feeling guilty for putting yourself in danger, you ask Alastor to come to your room in order to apologize to him.

As he closes the door behind him, he says that there's no need to apologize.

"I'm...glad that you are still in your room. Listening to jazz, alive"

words didn't come easy, but he did feel the need to say it. you smile at him.

you propose to put his gift on the gramophone and so you do. music starts to flow between the small space you shared with the Radio Demon.

that's when you and Alastor start slow dancing. his arms around your waist, yours encircling his neck. his smile is back, but soft and...almost loving.

with his silent agreement, you reach for his cheek and graze it.

"Thank you for saving me, Alastor. Even if you are everything I distance myself from in this life...I'm glad you are the person that you are with me. In my next life, I'll make sure to be a sinner again if it means dancing with you like this"

Alastor now understands his feelings. It's something deeper than care. It's love. But not the same love you reserve to a friend and not even romantic. It's something deeper, more visceral.

He doesn't answer, just closes his eyes and leans in to press his forehead against yours.

you later fall asleep on your bed to the quiet sound of the gramophone playing, hands intertwined on Alastor's chest.

[ventismacchiato]

O8.5 stuck with you — idols inferno !

scaramouche x gender neutral reader

YAE MIKO: Welcome cuties to "Idols Inferno," or I², where idols ignite sparks in a tropical paradise! Here’s a comprehensive guide on how our upcoming and hot dating show will unfold!

1. Island Oasis: Our contestants, members from two different idol groups, DELUSION AND WINDBLUME, will embark on a journey to a stunning island getaway. They'll leave behind the glamor of the stage to immerse themselves in the raw beauty of nature.

idols inferno island! doesn’t seem like much…

2. Living Arrangements: While they compete for hearts, our idols reside in a cozy dormitory area. Each contestant will be able to enjoy their own private rooms, but will be sharing a dorm building with all the other contestants. Don’t get too excited, these dorms are designed to be as uncomfortable as morally possible in order to motivate our idols to work harder for the rewards!

an adjustment from the life our idols are used to!

3. Survival and Romance: Here’s the twist! Our idols aren’t just here for love—they’re also here to survive. From beachside cookouts to forging alliances, they'll fend for themselves while navigating the highs and lows of island life. The kitchen will be replenished with ingredients every two days, but contestants will be expected to put together meals on their own everyday. A water well will be located a mile away from the kitchens, contestants will have to trek to fill up their containers everyday. 

4. Games and Challenges: Throughout the journey, our contestants engage in thrilling challenges designed to test their teamwork and chemistry. Picture competitive strength challenges like partner piggyback rides or hilarious two-legged races on the beach! Make sure to tune in because the weather is hot, which means less fabric to wear! ;)  

5. Confession Box and Matchmaking: After every activity, participants visit the confession box to anonymously choose another contestant they are interested in. Matched pairs have the chance to enjoy better food, upgraded accommodations, and even a night in a nearby five-star hotel instead of the usual shitty dorms!

note: example image does not depict show events

6. Contestant Dynamics: With a total of 13 contestants, including 3 mystery guests to be revealed at a later date, tensions and emotions run high as new arrivals shake up existing connections. 

oh whoever could these be?

7. Interviews and Real-Time Updates: The end of every episode features intimate interviews with one of the contestants, offering viewers insights into their thoughts and emotions. Episodes are recorded and edited the following day, ensuring they're posted by midnight for viewers to keep up with the drama and romance in real-time.

Amidst palm trees and pristine beaches, bonds deepen and sparks fly as our idols explore their connections. Will they find lasting love or simply a lifelong friendship?

In the end, hearts will be won and memories made as our idols return home, forever changed by their time on "Idols Inferno." Tune in to not miss a second!

stuck with you!

masterlist — prev | next

guys i drew/edited that map myself cus i wanted this to make sense pls tell me you like it i know it’s extra but 🤗

short mini chapter to explain the show i’ll explain anything else if i need to in later chapters xx

also pretty obvious if ur chronically online but can you guess who the mystery guests are? 😍

synopsis after the disaster that was the live award show, where you and scaramouche got into an argument on stage after both of your groups got a tie for top artists, your guys' PR teams have been in shambles trying to scrape up your mess. that's when the idea to send you both off with some other idols to a remote location for a survival dating show to mend your public image comes up. before you know it your bags are packed and you’re on a plane to a remote island. the only obligation is you need to end up with scaramouche at the end of the show, whether you end up liking him or not doesn’t matter to your managers as long as the show’s ratings stay high. whatever you do in between to get there is up to you!

notes — after this ad break we will get back into the story xx

taglist closed — @na1lea @cindywasneverhere @lunavixia @aestherin @mlaakai @camvrin @retiredmommylover @iheartpieck @jangyung @cartierfiles @loveariel @silly-ez @mochipls @pomeiu @chuuismylife @flowerypesky @creammpuff @justanothertiredreader @boxdisappeared @kissmiere @kissingkzuha @webbywill @kazusboyfriend @s3xpistolss @pjsucks @bunns-wonderland @lordbugs @localgirlywithnolife @kosumos @danfelions @featuredtofu @pinxeajin @herebyaccident0 @haeunoo @scaradooche @pglt19 @chemiru @childesbabygirl @simonisferal @shutingstar @vxcmx @domimiki @ttalgi @esuz @tokkishouse @kitsuvil @scarasmood @ihearttori @nomurahayami @starringyau @androxphobic @kazuhasbabe

[cowgirlcasanova]

I made the mistake of clicking on a link to a reddit thread about abigail marston.

the way the men on there talk about her makes me physically feel sick. the names they call her, the way they describe her and john’s relationship, the way they constantly bring up her past in a negative way.

They seem to lack any and all artistic thinking skills. to me, one of the main points of media and art is how you’re supposed to analyze and discover the things they aren’t outright said. You have to dig a little deeper, you have to actually think. The people on that godforsaken website seem to just not have/be able to do that!

abigail was a prostitute. yes, we all know this men of reddit and it’s okay! please shut up about it!!!!

she was also an orphan, even worse for the time, an orphaned girl. she had little to no opportunities in the world she was born into. EVEN JOHN KNOWS THIS. “she’s a woman in a man’s world” and they act personally offended on johns behalf. john was an orphan too, i can promise you he understands how hard it is to survive and he doesn’t look down on her! Not that it even begins to matter if john or anyone else “understands” her reasoning for her choice of survival. It doesn’t. it simply matters that abigail was incredibly strong throughout that time of her life and rest. she survived and did whatever she could to and that is to be appreciated.

These men seem to have this one single idea that “abigail was prostitute so john thought baby not his cause so many men 🤓” SHUT. UP. no actually that was so much more actually john not ready to be a father and being afraid of himself!!!! honestly speaking, the entirety of that situation has very little to do with abigail herself. but no they’ll never understand that because it was written out in black and white and you may have to think a little to get to that conclusion. not to mention, they could never accept it because then john marston wouldn’t be as “alpha” BE QUIET IM BEGGING YOU.

the way they discuss abigail and uncle made my skin crawl. there is nothing else said about that relationship, there is no one specific cannon explanation as to how or why they knew each other. but the men i saw discussing it said such disgusting and vulgar things about how uncle “reallyyy knew abigail”. truly horrifying. There’s so many different ways they could’ve crossed paths. she was a prostitute but that’s not all she was. she was still a woman, a person. i can assure you she had other hobbies and activities that she did, that she enjoyed doing.

not to mention how it seems to be such an odd and disgusting fantasy for them that “everyone in the gang had abigail” i hate to break it to you but no they didn’t! Now this is up for debate for a lot of people and i actually want to make an entire post just dedicated to this. When looking at both instances where that was said, it was purposely said to hurt john and throw him off. not to mention, abigail was never around when it was said. There wasn’t an instance of anyone saying it in camp or even throwing an insult to john about it in rdr2. hmmm i wonder why that is????? Bill said it to make him stumble and dutch said it because he knows john and he knows how to hit him where it hurts. But, i don’t think any of it is true. of course no internet bro is going to actually think into enough to even be curious so!

abigail marston is someone to be admired. someone who persevered as much as any man in that gang but she doesn’t get the same appreciation. she probably had to work just as hard if not harder than some of the men just to stay alive in her youth. Abigail marston is not a nag, she’s not annoying, she’s not “mean” to john. take a step back and look at what she’s responding to and give her the same grace you give arthur and john. “oh well arthur just had a hard time showing emotions because of the way he was raised” “oh john couldn’t deal with everything so he ran away for a little bit it’s okay.” let abigail have that same grace.

so sorry this was not meant to be this long. clearly it has been nagging at me. if you read this love you and love abigail marston!

[honeyhae-svt]

🎮01 | Schedule🎭

Part-Time Lover | JxW - masterlist

⚠️ WARNINGS ⚠️: strong language (profanity), petty arguments, depictions of stress/anxiety related to online and work life, light suggestive jokes/humor. (thats about it in this chapt) smut warnings: n/a (yet) wc: 4600

01

It was a normal Monday—or, well, as normal as it could be after two weeks of working as a make-up artist at the top beauty company in the industry. Two weeks in, and instead of painting glamorous looks on celebrities and idols, you were running out of the office, battling public transit, just to fetch your CEO his daily coffee from a café so exclusive it required two bus transfers and possibly your sanity.

You weren't a secretary. You weren't an errand girl. You were a licensed, certified make-up artist for crying out loud! Yet somehow, in this strange hierarchy of tasks, you'd managed to become both his personal coffee runner and his private, exclusive make-up artist. Every morning, bright and early, you trekked to his ridiculously luxurious penthouse to "work your magic"—a process that usually involved two dabs of foundation, some lip balm, and you expertly applying his skincare routine.

Why did he need skincare at 6 a.m.? He didn't. He was the type of guy whose flawless complexion could sell serums just by existing. But apparently, making your life harder was his morning cardio.

This morning was no different. The croissant you grabbed was warm when you bought it. The coffee—a very specific order of Jeonghan's signature honey macchiato, no sugar, extra foam—was piping hot when handed to you. By the time you plopped it onto his pristine desk, though, it was "too cold" for his tastes. Of course, he wouldn't ask you to reheat it, because "it's not freshly made anymore," as he oh-so-smugly liked to remind you. But that smug little smile he flashed before you left his office? Oh, that was the cherry on top.

Jerk.

By the time you returned to the studio, the models were already lined up, waiting for their faces to be transformed. A much better use of your talent, if you said so yourself. As you worked, your co-workers showered you with praise during the break. 'You're doing amazing for someone so new!' they gushed. And sure, maybe part of you wondered if they were being extra nice because they knew you were being run ragged by the boss. But still, you let yourself bask in the compliments. You deserved it.

Flashback to two weeks ago, your interview day.

It was supposed to be the start of something great. A fresh chapter, a dream job. And yet, from the moment your toe slammed into the edge of your side table that morning, you knew the universe had other plans. By the time you boarded the bus, traffic had already declared war on your schedule. And if that wasn't bad enough, when you finally made it to the company's towering glass headquarters, you collided with some guy in the lobby—face-first, right into his shoulder.

He didn't even flinch. You, on the other hand, hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Your skirt askew, your blouse wrinkled, and your pride in shambles, you scrambled to your feet and mumbled a hasty apology before bolting toward the interview room.

The interview itself went well—at least, you thought so—until someone pointed out the blood trickling down your knee. Apparently, you'd scraped it in the fall but had been so focused on making it on time, you didn't even notice. Typical you. Priorities, right?

Back in the present, you can't help but think: maybe your boss's smugness, the ridiculous coffee runs, and his insistence on morning skincare aren't random. Maybe this job is some kind of cosmic test. Either way, you're determined to ace it—even if it means surviving another 6 a.m. call time at his penthouse tomorrow.

After slipping into your gaming chair, you took a deep breath, brushing back stray strands of hair as you adjusted your bunny-ear headphones. The LED lights of your room, set to a soft pink glow, reflected faintly on the camera feed. Your overlay—a minimalistic design featuring your username in sleek gold letters—flashed as the stream began. The familiar ding of chat messages filling up the screen brought a faint, almost imperceptible smile to your face.

"Evening, chat," you said, voice calm, almost bored, as your hand moved the mouse effortlessly to launch the game. "Let's make this quick. I have a meeting at seven tomorrow."

The chat exploded, as expected:

- "LOOKING SO CUTE IN OFFICE CLOTHES?!" - "MISS BOSS LADY ATE THIS LOOK." - "Wait, you have a job?!" - "Noooo don't stop streaming full-time T_T."

You scrolled through, giving a few nods to the flood of comments, before spotting the one you dreaded seeing. "You're boring," it read, the username unmistakably @everyone-woo.

You rolled your eyes and muttered, "Wouldn't be here if I was." That was enough to set your chat into a frenzy.

Wonwoo. That guy was a walking headache wrapped in a smooth voice and annoyingly skilled gameplay. Ever since Seungkwan introduced you two at that gaming expo, he'd made it his life's mission to be a thorn in your side—whether in streams, ranked matches, or random Discord voice chats. But, if you were honest, your win record against him was one of your greatest flexes.

The game lobby loaded, and your fingers moved automatically to adjust the settings. You glanced at chat once more before you dove in. "You're loud today. Let's see if you'll keep that energy when we hit Master rank tonight," you said, raising an eyebrow. That earned a fresh wave of excitement from your fans.

- "She said MASTER RANK tonight." - "SHE'S TOO CONFIDENT???" - "wonwoo crying rn"

But just as you were about to start, a Discord notification pinged in your headset. Of course, it was him.

@everyone_woo: "Play duo with me, coward." You sighed. Why was he always like this? Ignoring him wasn't an option because you knew he'd just spam you until you caved. So, begrudgingly, you invited him to the match.

The loading screen transitioned into the game's map, a vibrant cityscape filled with sniper points, tight alleyways, and glowing neon signs. You were on a high-stakes mission to extract rare data cores while eliminating rival players. The game began, and your hands flew over the keyboard, your voice sharp and commanding.

"Cover the left, and don't get caught out again," you barked over comms as you eliminated two enemies in rapid succession. "You act like I don't know how to play,"Wonwoo replied, his tone smooth. "Just focus on not dying this time." "I don't die. I win," you shot back, smirking as you caught him lagging behind and threw a smoke grenade his way, effectively trapping him while you took out another enemy solo. The chat went wild:

- "WONWOO CARRIED IN SMOKE RN LMFAOO." - "MISS OFFICE LADY DOESN'T PLAY." - "IMAGINE LOSING TO HER AGAIN."

By the end of the match, you'd racked up MVP with an impressive kill streak, while Wonwoo was a distant second. Your fans cheered in chat, throwing praise and laughing at Wonwoo's apparent frustration.

"GG, everyone," you said, leaning back in your chair as you took a sip of water. "GG?" Wonwoo scoffed. "You call bullying your teammate GG?" "You deserved it," you replied, not missing a beat.

He chuckled, and for a moment, the teasing dropped, his voice softer. "You're getting better, you know. If you keep this up, I might have to actually try."

You paused, caught off guard by the rare, genuine compliment. But before you could reply, he added, "Or maybe I'll just start taking all the credit for training you."

"And there it is," you muttered, shaking your head. The chat roared with laughter as you ended the match and turned back to engage with your fans, leaving Wonwoo behind to stew in his defeat.

As the stream wound down and the camera focused on your face, you finally smiled—a small, tired one that barely reached your eyes. "Thanks for watching, guys. See you next time."

You clicked the stream off and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. The adrenaline was fading, and reality crept back in. Work tomorrow. Rent due next week. Your mom's treatments. It was a lot, but you'd manage.

You always did.

The next day, you were already too irritated to function properly. It was too early for this. You groggily squinted at your phone. 3:37 a.m. in. the. fucking. morning., and it wouldn't stop ringing. Seriously, who calls at this ungodly hour?

You glanced at the caller ID and groaned. Jeonghan. Of course. The man really didn't believe in boundaries.

With a heavy sigh, you swiped to answer, your voice equal parts sleepy and annoyed. "Hello?"

For a moment, there was no response. Just silence on the other end. What kind of sick joke was this? You were about two seconds away from hanging up when his voice finally came through.

"I have a meeting early today. Come get me set."

And just like that, the call ended.

You stared at your phone in disbelief, blinking slowly as if processing what had just happened. "What the actual fuck?" you muttered to no one in particular.

Was this even legal? Well... yeah. It was in the contract. You knew it when you signed up for this job, but that didn't make it any less irritating. Begrudgingly, you dragged yourself out of bed and began to get ready.

By the time you arrived at Jeonghan's penthouse, the clock read 4:15 a.m., and your irritation was teetering dangerously close to snapping. The building's elevator ride to the top floor was silent save for the quiet hum of your thoughts: Why is this my life? You'd slept a grand total of three hours, and now you were about to do the minimalist, yet somehow necessary morning routine of your boss—a man whose face looked like it had been Photoshopped into reality.

You'd been here enough times that you were starting to get used to the spaciousness of the place, even though it screamed, I have more money than you'll ever see in your lifetime.

Knocking softly on the door to his bedroom, you waited for his reply before stepping in with your makeup kit in hand. Jeonghan was already in his usual spot, sitting gracefully in that ridiculously luxurious chair of his, looking like he'd just rolled out of a photoshoot.

Sometimes, you couldn't help but think about how unfairly pretty he was. Sure, he was a man, but why did he look prettier than most women and still manage to be ruggedly handsome at the same time? It was like the universe had decided to give him every aesthetic advantage possible. And it wasn't just his looks. He had the personality to match—charming, charismatic, and annoyingly easygoing in a way that made everyone at work either idolize him or fall in love with him.

The man was running a beauty company, and somehow, just one look at him was enough to convince people to buy into the brand. Honestly? You got it.

Still, that didn't mean you were happy to be here at this ungodly hour.

"Morning," you muttered, setting down your kit and trying to sound professional despite wanting to scream into the void.

Jeonghan smirked, the kind of smirk that made you want to both slap him and admit he had the face of a god. "You look tired."

You froze, hands hovering over the foundation. "Gee, I wonder why."

His laughter was soft but infuriatingly smug. "It's in the contract, isn't it?"

You didn't bother to respond and got to work, dabbing foundation onto his already flawless skin. Why he even needed you for this routine was beyond you. His skin was perfect, like he bathed in unicorn tears or something. Honestly, you felt like this was less about necessity and more about his weird desire to mess with you.

"Stop glaring," he teased, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"I'm not glaring," you shot back, pressing the sponge into his cheek just a little harder than necessary. "Just thinking about how ridiculous this is."

"You say that every morning, but you still show up," he pointed out, tilting his head slightly to let you apply concealer.

"Because it's my job, Jeonghan," you snapped, finishing up the final touches with a flourish.

He hummed thoughtfully, clearly enjoying your irritation. "You're very good at it, though. I'm starting to think I hired you for the wrong department."

You rolled your eyes and started packing up your kit. "You mean the department where I'm supposed to work on models and celebrities instead of you? Yeah, me too."

His laugh was annoyingly melodic, and you hated that it made you momentarily forget why you were pissed.

"Well," he said, standing and stretching—his shirt slipping off one shoulder in a way that felt way too intentional. "I do appreciate your dedication. Let's go."

"Go where?" you asked, blinking at him in confusion.

"To the meeting," he said casually, grabbing his blazer.

"Wait. You're dragging me along?"

"Of course," he said with a wink, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're my secret weapon."

You stared at him, dumbfounded. What the hell did that even mean? Whatever it was, you had a sinking feeling that your day was about to get a whole lot worse.

The meeting was held at a ridiculously upscale hotel that made you feel like you didn't belong the second you stepped into the marble-floored lobby. Jeonghan, of course, walked in like he owned the place—which, for all you knew, he might as well have.

You followed a step behind him, clutching your bag and trying to ignore how many people were staring at the two of you. Well, mostly him, you corrected silently. Jeonghan had that effect on people, making heads turn wherever he went. It was like his beauty made him untouchable, and yet here you were—running on fumes and three hours of sleep—dragged along like a reluctant sidekick.

The meeting room was filled with men in sharp suits and women in designer dresses. Everyone exuded confidence, their laughter and chatter echoing off the high ceilings. As Jeonghan sauntered in, the room seemed to quiet just a little, all eyes flicking toward him.

"CEO Yoon," one of the executives greeted with an overly polished smile. "Always a pleasure."

Jeonghan returned the greeting with a smile of his own—charming, disarming, and entirely fake. You could tell because you'd seen his real smiles, rare as they were, and they didn't have that calculated gleam.

You stood awkwardly near the back of the room, unsure of what to do. You weren't supposed to be here, really. The makeup part of your job was done, so why had he insisted on dragging you along? You were still wondering when Jeonghan turned to you, gesturing for you to come closer.

"Stay by my side," he said under his breath, his tone low enough that only you could hear.

Your eyebrows shot up. "Why? I don't even know what's going on."

"You don't need to." He flashed that infuriating smirk again before turning back to his associates.

The meeting began, and you quickly realized just how out of your depth you were. They were talking about brand expansions, marketing strategies, and other high-level corporate stuff that flew right over your head. Yet, every so often, Jeonghan would glance your way, as if silently checking to make sure you were still there.

It wasn't until about halfway through the presentation that you started to piece it together. The execs were pitching ideas for a new ad campaign, and every suggestion seemed to revolve around using make-up artists to market the brand.

Ah, you thought, your irritation bubbling back to the surface. So that's why I'm here.

Jeonghan leaned over, his voice barely above a whisper. "See? I told you you'd be useful."

You shot him a glare, barely resisting the urge to kick him under the table. "You could've just asked," you hissed back.

"Where's the fun in that?" he replied, his smirk widening.

The meeting dragged on for what felt like an eternity, with Jeonghan occasionally throwing you under the bus by mentioning your professional make-up abilities and asking for your "input." It was infuriating, especially since you weren't prepared, but somehow, you managed to string together a few coherent answers.

By the time it was over, you were seething. The second you were out of earshot of the execs, you rounded on Jeonghan.

"You used me," you said, jabbing a finger into his chest.

He raised an eyebrow, looking entirely unbothered. "I utilized your strengths. There's a difference."

"You dragged me out of bed at 3 a.m. for this. You didn't even warn me."

"You handled it well," he said simply, shrugging as if that was supposed to make everything better.

"You're a nightmare," you muttered, running a hand through your hair.

"And yet," he said, his voice dropping to that annoyingly soft tone he used when he wanted to mess with you, "you keep showing up."

You opened your mouth to retort, but nothing came out. He was right, and you hated that.

"Let's get breakfast," he said casually, already heading toward the exit as if the argument never happened.

You stood there for a moment, torn between wanting to strangle him and being too exhausted to argue further. Finally, with a resigned sigh, you followed.

This job is going to kill me, you thought as you trailed after him, wondering why, despite everything, you couldn't bring yourself to quit.

The day had been long, but Jeonghan letting you off early felt like a rare, unexpected win. Maybe he wasn't entirely the devil in disguise. You got home earlier than usual, but exhaustion weighed down your every step.

Dropping onto your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You were too tired to do anything—too tired to even exist at this point—but the thought of skipping a stream wasn't an option. The donations from your loyal fanbase added up to a decent amount, enough to make a real difference for your mother's treatment.

For every two-hour stream, you usually pulled in somewhere around ₩200,000 to ₩500,000 (about 140 - 360 in USD) in donations, and that was on top of ad revenue and sponsorships. Not streaming meant losing that cash. You couldn't afford that luxury.

Dragging yourself up, you splashed cold water on your face, applied makeup to hide the evidence of your exhaustion, and slipped into your favorite hoodie and sweatpants—ultimate comfort mode. At least, this way, you could collapse straight into bed after the stream.

Once you were set up, you logged into League of Legends and hit the "Go Live" button. The familiar ding of viewers joining flooded your screen, and the chat started scrolling faster than you could read.

- "oh wow she's streaming early!!" - "How are you this pretty AND good at games?? life's unfair" - "no way this girl just got back from WORK and still streams for us 😭"

You couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Yeah, long day," you muttered, scrolling through the chat. "Let's just say it involved too much coffee and a certain boss who doesn't know boundaries."

The chat exploded with questions, but you quickly brushed them off. "Alright, enough about that. Let's play."

You loaded into Summoner's Rift and invited Mingyu and Hoshi to your party. Their voices came through your headset loud and clear.

"Finally," Mingyu said with a dramatic groan. "You took forever."

"Busy life," you replied flatly, your fingers already moving across the keyboard.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's see if you're still sharp after that 'busy life,'" Hoshi teased, laughter in his voice.

The three of you dove into the first match, the synergy between your champions clicking effortlessly. You picked Ahri, your favorite mid-laner, while Mingyu locked in Jhin as ADC and Hoshi went full chaos with Nautilus support.

The game started off smooth. You roamed bot to help Mingyu secure a double kill early, and Hoshi's crowd control locked down enemies like a pro. "Easy," you muttered, watching Ahri's Orb of Deception slice through their mid-laner.

The chat loved it, spamming:

- "SHE'S ON FIRE TODAY 🔥🔥🔥" - "carry them!"

But then, things took a turn.

A new match started, and suddenly, a mysterious player joined the enemy team. Their username was obnoxiously simple—W1NN3R—but their gameplay was anything but basic.

From the first five minutes, it was clear: this player was insanely good. They picked Zed and dominated mid-lane, completely shutting down your Ahri.

"What the fuck?" you muttered, narrowing your eyes as Zed solo-killed you under your turret. The chat immediately lit up.

- "REPORT THAT GUY OMG" - "hes gotta be scripting. no way."

Mingyu laughed through the comms. "You good over there? Or do I need to come babysit?"

"Shut up and focus on your own lane," you snapped, though your tone wasn't harsh.

Hoshi chimed in. "Seriously though, this guy's movement is nuts. Think he's cheating?"

"Doesn't matter," you muttered. "We'll handle it."

But "handling it" proved impossible. Zed didn't just dominate mid; he roamed with brutal efficiency, turning bot lane into a slaughterhouse and even outplaying Hoshi's Nautilus hooks.

The chat was losing its mind.

- "WHO IS THIS GUY?!" - "he's playing like Faker, wtf." - "Shes gonna snap, I feel it"

By the time the enemy Nexus was destroyed, you were glaring at your screen, jaw clenched.

"Rematch," you said flatly.

Mingyu snickered. "You sure? You look like you're about to throw your keyboard."

"Shut up and queue," you shot back.

The next match started, and, of course, W1NN3R was there again, picking Lee Sin this time. It felt personal now.

The early game was brutal. Lee Sin invaded your jungle, stealing buffs and setting your team back. By mid-game, he was everywhere—dragon pit, Baron lane, even popping out of bushes just to taunt you with an emote before disappearing.

"Okay, now I'm pissed," you muttered, fingers flying across the keyboard.

"Join the club," Mingyu grumbled, watching his Jhin get obliterated in a 1v1.

But then something clicked. You and your team started coordinating like never before. You baited out Lee Sin's Flash with a well-timed Charm, Mingyu's ultimate picked off their ADC, and Hoshi's Nautilus hook finally nailed Lee Sin.

The chat erupted:

- "LET'S GOOOOOO!!!" - "comeback incoming??? 👀👀👀"

Your heart pounded as the match entered its final moments. With Lee Sin down, you and Mingyu pushed mid, taking out two inhibitors while Hoshi distracted the enemy team at Baron.

It was chaos, pure and simple, but in the end, you stood victorious as the enemy Nexus exploded.

"Fuck yeah!" you shouted, throwing your hands up in triumph. Mingyu and Hoshi whooped through the comms, and even Seungkwan—who had joined as a spectator—cheered.

The chat was in full celebration mode:

- "SHE DID IT OMGGGG" - "THAT WAS INSANE!!1" - "better than the LCK finals tbh"

But just as you were about to log off, a private message popped up on your screen from W1NN3R.

"Not bad, rookie."

Your jaw dropped. "The hell does that mean?"

"Looks like you've got a rival now," Mingyu teased, laughing.

"Oh, shut up," you muttered, though your lips quirked up in the faintest hint of a smile.

Jeonghan leaned back in his chair, the faint glow of his monitor illuminating his face. His lips curved into a knowing smirk as he scrolled through @kitsunya's stream highlights on a private browser tab. The username was one he'd first come across by accident—or so he told himself. In truth, it was impossible not to hear about you.

For months, your name had been everywhere. His friends—Mingyu, Seungkwan, and even the perpetually chill Vernon—couldn't stop raving about you. "You have to see this girl play," Seungkwan had said during a casual hangout. "She's insane, like, not just good—insanely good." Mingyu had chimed in, grinning ear to ear, "Plus, she's got this vibe, man. You know, that 'I don't give a shit' attitude? People eat that up."

At first, Jeonghan had been indifferent. Streamers came and went, and he wasn't particularly interested in gaming content anymore. But the buzz around @kitsunya became impossible to ignore. Curiosity eventually got the better of him, and one night, he pulled up one of your streams on a whim.

You were playing League of Legends, your Ahri effortlessly decimating the enemy team. But it wasn't just your skill that struck him. It was your demeanor—calm, focused, and entirely unbothered by the chaos in the chat. The way you'd glance at the comments, roll your eyes at the ridiculous ones, and occasionally smirk when someone said something clever made you... different. You weren't trying to please anyone, yet people couldn't help but adore you.

And Jeonghan? He found himself watching more streams than he cared to admit.

The moment you walked into his office for the job interview months later, he recognized you instantly. You were dressed professionally, hair neatly styled, no hint of the gamer persona he'd seen on screen. But the moment you sat down, with that same composed, no-nonsense attitude, Jeonghan's suspicions were confirmed.

"Kitsunya," he had thought, barely able to keep the smirk off his face.

It was surreal. The person the internet simped over, the one who had his friends screaming in Discord chats, was sitting across from him, asking for a position at his company. You had no idea he knew. He decided then and there that he wouldn't tell you.

You were professional, articulate, and undeniably qualified for the role. He almost didn't hire you—not because you weren't good, but because he wondered if it was too much of a coincidence. What were the odds? But curiosity won. He wanted to see you up close, to figure out if the composed, almost unapproachable aura you projected was real—or just another layer of your persona.

And maybe, deep down, he wanted to test you. Not out of cruelty or envy—no, Jeonghan wasn't that petty. It was because he found you... interesting. There was something fascinating about the way you carried yourself, like you'd built walls so high no one could touch you. He wanted to see what was behind them.

Now, as he queued up for another match on League, the familiar sound of the loading screen filled his penthouse. He glanced at the username on his anonymous account: W1NN3R. It was a name he used only on this account—a throwaway he'd created for casual games. No one knew it was his alter account, not even his friends.

The match started, and as expected, your Ahri was mid-lane. Jeonghan leaned forward, resting his chin on one hand as his Zed effortlessly weaved through your skill shots. He wasn't going easy on you—not that you'd want him to. That much, he was certain of.

He smirked as he landed a flawless combo, taking you down under turret.

"The fuck?" Your voice filtered through the stream. Jeonghan chuckled.

He could hear Mingyu and Hoshi on comms, their playful banter trying to lighten the mood. But you weren't laughing. Your frustration was palpable, and the chat was eating it up.

- "WHO IS THIS GUY?!" - "he's toying with her 😭" - "Someone better REPORT."

Jeonghan's smirk widened. He wasn't trying to piss you off—not really. But he couldn't deny how entertaining it was to see you so riled up. The composed, unbothered streamer he'd admired was slipping, just a little, and he found it... captivating.

By the time the match ended, Jeonghan had secured victory, but not without effort. You and your team had pushed him to his limits in the late game, and for a brief moment, he thought he might lose.

As he typed a message in the game's chat—"Not bad, rookie."—he imagined your reaction. Would you roll your eyes? Scoff? Curse under your breath?

He didn't stick around to see. Exiting the game, he leaned back in his chair and stretched, glancing at the time. It was late, but he wasn't tired. Not yet.

Scrolling through his email, he saw one from you—a quick report about the latest product launch. Always efficient, always thorough. He smirked again, shaking his head. The stark contrast between the professional you at work and the fiery, competitive gamer on stream was something else entirely.

Maybe one day, he'd tell you he knew. But for now? He liked having this secret to himself. Watching you navigate both worlds, unaware that he was observing from both sides, was just too... fun.

Jeonghan closed his laptop, his thoughts lingering on you longer than he'd care to admit.

"Interesting," he murmured to himself, a small smile playing on his lips.

And maybe—just maybe—he'd queue up as W1NN3R again tomorrow.

a/n: posting chapter 2 asap. wait for it, tomorrow 9pm sharp ;)) #iamnowuploadingdailytogetthislazyassofmineworking AND I AM CURRENTLY MAKING A JEONGHAN FANFIC REQUESTED BY SOMEONE (i'll be posting it next week)

i have a taglist so if you want to be updated, reblog / comment on this post / teaser / part-time lover masterlist and you'll automatically be tagged on every chapter ! im a (wo)man of my word LOL

___okay looking back now, i made a few changes cause wtf. the plot isnt plotting. i suck at writing, sorry.

taglist: @asyre @choppedballoondetective @kpoppiesofinternet @syluslittlecrow (thankyou for reblogging !)

[naamahdarling]

Two days ago and I was comfortable enough that this was the right choice that I was able to make the call to have Smooch put to sleep. I am sure now. I wish I weren't. It hurts to see him like this. The vet is out or I would move it forward. We could do the emergency vet but I literally do not think I could do it without our vet and my favorite nurse. That feels selfish but when she answered the phone yesterday the comfort was... astonishing.

I'm trying to prepare. I've been waiting for this for a long time, which is why it's bearable at all. I have entertainment, I have an art project to memorialize him ready to go for whenever I feel like it. I have plans to make a couple of keepsakes. But there's going to be a hole in my life so much bigger than his frail little body. It's the end of part of me. He has been there in my future for so long, thinking about not having him there is like vertigo, or a reverse haunting of some kind. It's a Wrongness, part of the world about to be unmade. He is genuinely part of my identity. I'm all these things that I consider core parts of me -- queer, funny, creative, curious, a little clever, loving, an artist, a survivor, my friends' friend, my blood sister's sister, my chosen sister's sibling, my father's daughter, my boyfriend's partner...and I'm Dried Pickle Man's person.

Here at home IRL and online, and everywhere I go, to almost anyone I speak to at all, I have been his human for 13 years and 27 days.

And that isn't enough apparently, because Sid, too, is slipping away. I...I don't know that we can save him, either. His digestive issues are keeping him from eating, we can't stop the flare, a feeding tube won't fix it, meds aren't helping him. He's losing weight very fast. Vet is at a loss. I usually have a pretty good idea of what to do next or what needs to happen. I have nothing for him. The specialist might know. How the hell do we keep affording it?

And Raleigh. Oh god. Raleigh. If we can't afford the surgery or if it fails. What do we do?

What if we lose all three?

What if my boyfriend loses BOTH his boys? Raleigh alone is going to devastate him. Not just sad, like ordinary grief, I mean I have never ever in my life seen an animal love a human this much.

He's already struggling with his depression and ADHD. He will suffer and there is nothing I can do to stop this all from happening. I can't dig into a hidden well of trying harder, I can't outsmart it. I can't comfort him by saying that it is hard but possible to influence this. I hate seeing him in pain.

And I'm scared for me. I am afraid it will just ruin him and I will lose him too, until and unless he can recover. And I already spend so much time alone. Even my art is...gone. Too painful. Writing isn't really possible, either. My body barely feels like mine these days. I have so fucking little to hang on to. My cats are one of the last things I have of myself. One of the only good things I have in my day to day life.

It's all an absolutely terrifying cascade. Unlike a lot of situations where I'm scared of the future, this isn't me afraid of unlikely scenarios that are several crises away. This is very real. And I'm usually not scared for my boyfriend like this.

It won't kill us. You can come back from something like this, probably, I know people survive much worse and I'm bombarded with reminders of that a dozen times a day. But it can take such a long time to come back, and...sometimes you just...Come Back Wrong.

I'm not often genuinely completely helpless. I am helpless now.

[heartmachinez]

Heart Machine is on Patreon!

Why are we on Patreon?

Games are the greatest form of expression and entertainment that we've ever created. There’s a common saying in games development that it's a miracle that any games are made, let alone good ones. Now, it’s even more brutal.

Over the past two years, the industry has rapidly changed, flipped around and turned upside down. Funding for new projects is sparse, even for successful devs. Everything is far more expensive to make. Paths we used to be able to take to create projects no longer exist.

You’ve likely heard about this on some front. It’s grim. 30% of all games developers have either been laid off or had their roles significantly reduced or affected over the past year alone. Studios have closed. Many have left. We at Heart Machine are not immune, having gone through layoffs in November of this year.

Since the old models are not enough, we have to adapt. So we're asking for support to help us continue to not just survive, but adapt and thrive. To help us prototype and build new projects, to help support us when the state of the industry has made it so much harder to exist.

We've always been big on talking directly to our audience. We think this Patreon is an opportunity for us to do more on this front while also benefiting.

There are a few key goals we have in mind for this Patreon:

1. To give a more thorough and deep insight into our process and what it takes to make games. Sharing exclusive write-ups, videos, concept art, design documents and prototype gifs from all of our projects past and present.

2. To share more about the issues in the industry driving this state of turmoil. E.g. corporate consolidation, overspending, accelerating costs, and a changing market.

3. To reach a bigger audience with more transparency in an otherwise notoriously opaque industry in the hope we can share and do our part to help others to better navigate and survive.

We all love games. We’re here because it’s an industry driven by passion. But it’s never been easy. We've been making titles we are extremely proud of for 10 years now, and we want to make sure we can stick around another 10.

Approaches like this Patreon are part of what it takes to make sure of that, to get through the toughest times and come out ultimately better.

We hope that you enjoy the content and inside access that we’ll be providing here.

Thank you so much for your support.

[ducktoo]

Syncing Dream [Aespa x M!Reader]

30. End of the Tour

Note: end of Arc 4 is here! One of my fav chapters ngl. Also 🦈anon, hope this arc was fun for u!

Masterlist here

The lights dimmed, and the atmosphere buzzed with excitement as the final concert of aespa's international tour reached its emotional high point. The LA venue was packed with thousands of fans, their cheers echoing off the walls as the group stood on stage, soaking in the moment. It was a monumental day—not just for aespa but for everyone involved in making this tour a global success.

“Thank you so much!” Karina’s voice echoed across the massive venue. “This tour has been a dream come true, and it wouldn’t have been possible without your love and support!”

The other members added their thanks, but the biggest surprise came when the lights dimmed, and a large screen flickered on behind them. The girls turned around, confused at first, but quickly realized what was happening when the familiar faces of their team began to appear on screen.

The video started with clips from rehearsals, behind-the-scenes moments, and heartfelt messages from the production crew. The girls watched with wide smiles as their stylists, makeup artists, choreographers, and even the catering staff took turns congratulating them. The atmosphere backstage was filled with a mixture of excitement and sentimentality.

Then, the teasing started.

Jihoon, one of the managers who had helped Y/n during the tour, appeared on screen with a grin. “Congrats on the successful tour, aespa! And to Y/n… man, I still can’t believe you survived that viral Supernova dance. Legendary.”

Another manager, Joon, chuckled as his clip played. “Y/n, you’re one strong and brave guy. I heard fans are still talking about your dance cover. Better watch out—they might ask for an encore!”

Minji's turn was no less short of teasing her junior. "Congrats, my junior aespa! And I'm glad you have one heck of a guy to take care of you all!"

Y/n, watching from backstage, was already starting to feel the heat rise to his cheeks. He groaned and rubbed his face, knowing exactly what was coming next.

The final clip appeared, and sure enough, it was Y/n’s turn.

Y/n’s face appeared on the screen, and the audience erupted into laughter and cheers. He wasn’t on stage, but the entire arena felt his presence through that screen. The video began with him nervously rubbing the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable in front of the camera.

“Uh, hey,” Y/n started awkwardly, glancing away from the camera for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting to be included in this video, but I guess it’s happening… so here we go.”

The crowd’s laughter intensified, and Y/n’s video was only beginning.

“So, I just wanted to say congratulations to the idi- I mean, aespa. You girls have worked incredibly hard—like, seriously, harder than anyone I know. You’ve been amazing this entire tour, and I’m so proud to have been part of this journey with you.”

As he spoke, a short montage of clips featuring Y/n played on the screen. There was footage of him frantically managing logistics, goofing off with the group during rehearsals, and—of course—his now-famous viral dance cover of the Supernova dance break. The camera had finally caught him sneaking into an empty practice room, trying out the choreography, only for Ningning to catch him in the act and film the whole thing.

Y/n’s face on screen turned beet red as the audience erupted into more laughter at the dance clip.

“Okay, this part—” Y/n’s voiceover interrupted the dance clip, “—I wasn’t supposed to go viral, but thanks to our maknae Ning, the whole internet knows about it now. And, uh, yeah, I’m still alive… barely.”

The clip switched back to him, and Y/n was visibly flustered. “So, congrats again, aespa. You deserve all the success you’ve achieved, and here’s to many more moments like this—preferably without me becoming more viral than you guys.”

The screen faded to black, but not before showing one last shot of Y/n attempting to crawl under a table backstage, clearly wishing he could disappear after all the attention he had received.

The entire venue erupted into laughter and cheers once again, and even aespa couldn’t stop giggling. Winter was doubled over, clutching her stomach as she tried to catch her breath. Karina wiped tears from her eyes, still laughing.

“Oh my god,” Winter wheezed, barely able to stand straight. “I’m never letting this idiot live this down.”

Karina nodded, playfully wiping her eyes. “Y/n, you’re a legend now.”

Backstage, Y/n was leaning against a wall, watching the screen from afar. His face was flushed with embarrassment, and all he wanted to do was dig a hole and hide in it. He could hear the crowd’s laughter from where he stood, and it only made things worse.

“Why did they have to show that video?” he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. “I’m never going to hear the end of this.”

-

After the concert, the group gathered backstage for some celebratory snacks. The energy was still high, but now the girls were riding the wave of their triumph. They sat around, laughing and chatting about the show while the staff and other available SM groups came in to congratulate them.

Y/n sat in the corner, trying to keep a low profile after the video fiasco, but that didn’t last long. Karina spotted him and made a beeline straight toward him, dragging Winter and Giselle with her.

“You thought you could hide?” Karina teased, nudging him with her elbow. “Nice try.”

“Please,” Y/n groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I’ve had enough teasing for a lifetime.”

Giselle grinned and crossed her arms. “Oh, no, no. You’re part of us for a long time now. You’re never going to live this down.”

Winter giggled, sitting down beside him. “You’re famous. Own it.”

Y/n let out a long sigh, peeking out from between his fingers. “Can we just pretend the whole Supernova thing never happened?”

“Not a chance,” Winter replied with a mischievous smile. “In fact, I think we should make a new challenge for the next comeback. Armageddon Y/n full dance cover, anyone?”

“Yeah!” Giselle chimed in. “We’ll film you this time too.”

Y/n groaned again, but he couldn’t help but smile. As embarrassing as it all was, he couldn’t deny how much he’d come to love the chaos. The teasing, the laughter, the bond—it was all part of the journey.

-

The plane ride back to Seoul was quiet, the hum of the engines the only real noise in the cabin. Y/n sat in his seat, eyelids heavy from the whirlwind of the last few days. After their final world tour concert, the team had celebrated, laughed, and finally packed up for home.

Of course on their business seats, he glanced around—Karina was fast asleep, head leaning against the window, while Ningning was out cold under a blanket. Giselle was watching something on her tablet with headphones in, and Winter, sitting next to Y/n, was idly scrolling through her phone.

Y/n rubbed his face, letting out a yawn. "Finally", he thought. "I can get some proper sleep." The tour had been a massive success, but the constant planning, logistics, and running around had left him mentally and physically drained.

-

The moment the plane touched down, Y/n was ready to collapse. As the group disembarked, the girls chatted about how excited they were to go home, grab some rest, and eat their favorite foods.

“You okay, Y/n? You look like you’re about to pass out,” Giselle teased as they walked through the airport, dodging the early morning paparazzi and a few lingering fans.

“I’m good,” Y/n muttered, waving her off. “Just looking forward to sleeping for a week.”

Winter, who had been quietly observing, snickered. “You deserve it. But, you know, we might have a surprise for you, idiot.”

Y/n shot her a tired, suspicious glance. “A surprise? Please tell me it’s not more work.”

Winter just gave him a mischievous smile, remembering a crucial info from Sora back then. “You’ll see.”

-

Back at the dorm, Y/n barely had time to kick off his shoes before collapsing onto his bed. He didn’t even bother to change, just falling face-first into the pillows. "Sleep", he thought. "That’s all I need."

Meanwhile, the girls were bustling around in the living room, whispering to each other.

“So,” Karina began, keeping her voice low, “we’ve been talking, and we think we should get Y/n a gift. He’s been working non-stop for us, and I feel like he hasn’t taken a break this whole tour.”

Ningning nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, let’s do something nice for him! We could get him something he’d actually use. Maybe new sneakers? Or a watch?”

Giselle chimed in, “A gift card for a spa day, maybe? He needs to relax.”

But Winter remained quiet, her gaze drifting toward the closed door of Y/n’s room. After a moment, she smirked, an idea forming in her mind.

“Or,” she began, crossing her arms, “we could skip all that and give him something… a little more personal.”

The other members turned to her with raised eyebrows. Karina’s eyes narrowed. “What are you plotting?”

Winter shrugged, pretending to be casual. “I mean… why waste money on stuff? I’ll be the gift.”

Ningning nearly choked on her laughter. “You? The gift?”

“Hey, I think he’d appreciate it,” Winter said, her voice playful but with a hint of seriousness.

Karina blinked. “Wait, you’re actually serious.”

Winter simply grinned. “You’ll see.”

-

A few hours later, Y/n was woken up by a knock on his door. Groaning, he glanced at his phone—he had only been asleep for a couple of hours.

"What now?"

“Y/n, can I come in?” It was Winter’s voice, soft and sweet, but with a hint of something… else.

Y/n sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

Winter slipped into the room, quietly closing the door behind her. She leaned against it for a moment, eyeing Y/n with a smirk.

“You okay?” he asked, feeling a bit uneasy under her gaze. “Something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Winter said, pushing herself off the door and walking over to him. She stood over his bed, her smile turning a little mischievous. “I just wanted to… thank you.”

"…Jeong, if you break something just say it. I won't be mad." Y/n raised an eyebrow.

"Aish, I'm being serious. Representing aespa, just wanna thank you."

“…For what?”

“For everything. The tour, the hard work, the way you always look out for us.” She was closer now, standing right in front of him, her presence making Y/n’s heart race for some reason. “You’ve been amazing, and I thought you deserved something special.”

Before Y/n could respond, Winter suddenly placed her hands on either side of his head, pinning him against the wall . Y/n’s eyes widened, his heart nearly stopping at the sudden move. It has been something Y/n subconsciously dreamed of but never brought it up to the surface. He was definitely not ready for this.

Winter was dangerously close, her face mere inches from his.

“Uh… Jeong?” Y/n stammered, his mind racing. “What are you—”

“Shhh,” Winter whispered, leaning in closer. “I told you, I’m the gift. And you deserve it.”

Y/n’s brain was practically short-circuiting. This was Winter, the same Winter who usually teased him and gave him a hard time. But now, here she was, pulling a move straight out of a drama.

Did she put on perfume? Why did she smell so good?

And then, before he could say another word, Winter closed the gap, pressing her lips softly against his. It was quick, barely a second, but enough to make Y/n’s entire body freeze in place.

When she pulled away, Winter’s smirk returned, but there was a softness in her eyes now. “Surprise,” she said, her voice low.

Y/n, completely stunned, could only blink at her. “W-What was that?”

Winter stepped back, crossing her arms with a satisfied grin. “That was my way of thanking you. Consider it a bonus for all your hard work.”

Before Y/n could open his mouth to respond, the door suddenly burst open, and the rest of the girls piled in, laughing and clapping.

“Winter! I can’t believe you actually did it!” Giselle giggled, practically doubled over.

Karina was grinning from ear to ear. “You’re so bold, Winter! I thought you were joking!”

Ningning shook her head, snickering. “That was legendary.”

As the laughter died down, Y/n leaned back against the wall, still trying to process everything. His face was warm, either from the embarrassment or the relentless teasing. Maybe both. He looked over at Winter, who was now sitting on the edge of his bed, casually leaning back with a satisfied smile.

"You guys…," Y/n started, shaking his head, "this was a prank, wasn’t it? The whole ‘Minjeong being the gift’ thing?"

Ningning couldn’t help but snicker. "Of course! You really thought Winter would just do something like that out of nowhere?"

Karina grinned, clapping Y/n on the shoulder. "Come on, you know we love messing with you. We all pitched in for this. Consider it payback for all the chaos you've survived."

Giselle added with a laugh, "You should’ve seen your face. You were so flustered!"

Y/n sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to hide the sting of disappointment in his chest. "Of course it was a prank. I should’ve known." He laughed lightly, but it was clear the whole thing had gotten to him a bit more than he expected. "It does make me feel better, so thanks about that, but I don't realllly like using something like that as a prank…"

But before anyone could pile on more jokes, Winter abruptly stood up from the bed, her smile fading into something more serious. The teasing atmosphere in the room shifted slightly as she looked at Y/n.

“Ya, it wasn’t a prank,” Winter said firmly, her voice cutting through the laughter. The other girls exchanged glances, surprised by her sudden change in tone.

Y/n blinked, confused. “Wait, what?”

Winter crossed her arms, standing tall despite the redness creeping up her neck. “I mean, yeah, the girls might’ve thought it was a prank, but I wasn’t kidding. I planned it… and I meant it.”

The room fell quiet for a moment as Winter’s words hung in the air. Karina, Ningning, and Giselle looked at Winter, wide-eyed, before they exchanged knowing looks and slowly backed away, giving her space.

Y/n, still trying to understand, looked at Winter, speechless. "Jeong, you’re… serious?"

Winter bit her lip and gave a small nod. “Yeah, I am.” Her eyes softened, and for the first time that night, she looked a bit nervous. "I just wanted to… thank you in my own way. You’ve been there for us, more than you probably realize, and… well, I don’t always know how to show that. So yeah, that’s why I did it."

She held Y/n’s gaze for a moment before the tension became too much for her. Winter quickly glanced away, her tough exterior cracking as her cheeks flushed. “Anyway… I’m heading to bed.” She cleared her throat, retreating toward the door. “Goodnight. You worked hard, idiot.”

And with that, Winter left the room, disappearing into the hallway without another word. The remaining members watched her go, a mix of surprise and amusement on their faces. Ningning was the first to break the silence, shaking her head with a smirk.

“Well… that escalated quickly,” she muttered.

Giselle elbowed Karina, grinning. “I knew Winter was bold, but I didn’t know she was that bold.”

Karina chuckled. “Honestly, neither did I. Guess we can expect a nephew next year.”

Y/n, still processing Winter’s unexpected confession, sat there in stunned silence. His heart was racing, and his mind was replaying Winter’s words over and over. The girls, noticing his dazed expression, started to smirk knowingly.

“Well, looks like you’ve got something to think about,” Karina teased, giving Y/n a playful nudge.

Ningning laughed. “Or maybe someone to talk to later.”

Giselle winked. “Good luck with that.”

Y/n sighed, feeling a mix of confusion, amusement, and something else he couldn’t quite put into words. “You guys are never going to let this go, are you?”

Karina grinned. “Not a chance.”

As the girls filed out of the room, Y/n leaned back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t shake the image of Winter’s serious expression, the way her voice softened when she said she meant it.

"Maybe it wasn’t a prank after all."

And with that thought lingering in his mind, Y/n let out a deep breath, wondering what was going to happen next. For now, all he could do was smile, because whether it was chaos, pranks, or something a little more serious, life with aespa never failed to surprise him.

But first, sleep is king.

[layaart]

I won the Hugo award for Best Fan Artist this morning?? I didn’t get a chance to record an acceptance so uhhh:

I want to thank everyone who’s shown me support over the years (too many to name!) and especially the authors whose work has inspired me. I’ve been making book fanart for over a decade of many of my favourite books, and I’m so grateful that I can continue to do so much Art For Fun as well as professionally.

It’s getting harder and harder to be an artist online these days, with so many websites deteriorating and the rise generative “ai”. Aside from how deeply unethical it is in so many ways, it’s especially sad to see it being used to make so called “fan art” in some spaces - completely removing the point and joy of creating something purely out of love! So thank you to everyone who appreciates and supports all the art I and so many other artists make for free!

and I want to end by reiterating what many other winners said in their speeches: please do whatever you can to fight for the end to the genocide and occupation of Gaza, and for freedom and liberation for Palestinians. There are a couple of links in my bio to gofundmes for artists & their families who are trying to raise enough money to survive and escape Gaza. Please consider donating to them if you can, or to gazaesims, care for gaza, or the PCRF.

[i-love-your-light]

too many thoughts on the new hbomberguy video not to put them anywhere so:

with every app trying to turn into the clock app these days by feeding you endless short form content, *how many* pieces of misinformation does the average person consume day to day?? thinking a lot about how tons of people on social media go largely unquestioned about the information they provide just because they speak confidently into the camera. if you're scrolling through hundreds of pieces of content a day, how many are you realistically going to have the time and will to check? i think there's an unfortunate subconscious bias in liberal and leftist spaces that misinformation is something that is done only by the right, but it's a bipartisan issue babey. everybody's got their own agendas, even if they're on "your side". *insert you are not immune to propaganda garfield meme*

and speaking of fact checking, can't help but think about how much the current state of search engines Sucks So Bad right now. not that this excuses ANY of the misinformation at all, but i think it provides further context as to why these things become so prevalent in creators who become quick-turnaround-content-farms and cut corners when it comes to researching. when i was in high school and learning how to research and cite sources, google was a whole different landscape that was relatively easy to navigate. nowadays a search might give you an ad, a fake news article, somebody's random blog, a quora question, and another ad before actually giving you a relevant verifiable source. i was googling a question about 1920s technology the other day (for a fanfiction im writing lmao) and the VERY FIRST RESULT google gave me was some random fifth grader's school assignment on the topic???? like?????? WHAT????? it just makes it even harder for people to fact-check misinformation too.

going off the point of cutting corners when it comes to creating content, i can't help but think about capitalism's looming influence over all of this too. again, not as an excuse at all but just as further environmental context (because i really believe the takeaway shouldn't be "wow look how bad this one individual guy is" but rather "wow this is one specific example of a much larger systemic issue that is more pervasive than we realize"). a natural consequence of the inhumanity of capitalism is that people feel as if they have to step on or over eachother to get to 'the top'. if everybody is on this individualistic american dream race to success, everyone else around you just looks like collateral. of course then you're going to take shortcuts, and you're going to swindle labor and intellectual property from others, because your primary motivation is accruing capital (financial or social) over ethics or actual labor.

i've been thinking about this in relation to AI as well, and the notion that some people want to Be Artists without Doing Art. they want to Have Done Art but not labor through the process. to present something shiny to the world and benefit off of it. they don't want to go through the actual process of creating, they just want a product. Easy money. Winning the game of capitalism.

i can't even fully fault this mentality- as someone who has been struggling making barely minimum wage from art in one of the most expensive cities in america for the past two years, i can't say that i haven't been tempted on really difficult occasions to act in ways that would be morally bad but would give me a reprieve from the constant stress cycle of "how am i going to pay for my own survival for another month". the difference is i don't give in to those impulses.

tl;dr i hope that people realize that instead of this just being a time to dogpile on one guy (or a few people), that it's actually about a larger systemic problem, and the perfect breeding grounds society has created for this kind of behavior to largely go unchecked!!!

[goldsbitch]

That next Christmas flight

epilogue p.1 to That one Christmas flight

summary: Few months down the line, Y/N is getting onto the same Christmas flight as a completely changed girl.

warning: cheesy af, swear words I guess, cliche probably, typos most definitely

Another Christmas flight. Traditions linger long and strong no matter how much one tries to resist. It's been a year precisely since the last flight that had turned her life upside down and Y/N found herself standing at the same airport where she shared a first kiss with Lando. Except this time she was thrown off for a completely less glamorous reason, sitting all confused and looking at the cancelled note next to her flight number on the departure board. She was just one of the other anxious annoyed passangers, trying to figure out how to get to Japan on time. Her mom hated when people were late. And she was sure she'll find a way to blame it on her. Bad planning, she'd always say. Love comes in different flavors to anyone, Y/N sighed, looking forward to seeing her mom after so many months, which had brought a rollercoaster of unexpected emotions.

She has had the summer of her life, hard to imagine something topping this one. The ultimate love affair - exciting, sweet and eye opening. Made her question everything she thought about adult life. All those love song suddenly made sense. She understood why people do crazy things for love. There wasn't a cell in her body regretting getting her summer and early September got stolen by one guy. It would not have mattered if he was a server from a local café or a tattoo artist, he just happened to be one of the most famous racing drivers on the planet. She had followed him around his trips as long as her school schedule allowed, making new friends in the process and generally exploring a different way of life. Sometimes, she had to stop in order to take it all in, because his world shined just a little too bright. It took all of her free time to keep up. Once summer rolled to its very end, it started being harder for the pair. Coming back to the school environment was somewhat of a culture shock and suddenly her having her own life was making it harder to drop everything and meet him at yet another race track around the world. Their schedules seemed to be working against each other. Late night cuddles turned into late night / morning calls. Summer romance got a real hard test that October and was forced to mature real quick. And sadly, very few love affairs manage to survive this leap.

There are little things that people in love do for each other. One does not often realize that the other person had been doing these mundane gestures until they are out of sight. Lando would always put Y/N's airpods on the charger when they were together, because he knew that she would just never do that and then would complain about it endlessly. He was even looking forward to the annoyed text she'd send him two days after they parted, almost on the clock. Y/N never learned. Nor did she want to.

Y/N airpods were sitting in the pocket of her coat. Fully charged. Lando and Y/N had never spent more time together than this winter break. After few rough weeks, they got used to the changing tone of their relationship. She finally met his family and spent few very fun days at their house. Lando made fun of her afterwards, because she had been so nervous to fuck it up. He never doubted that she would do a good impression - he loved too much to think that.

Pair of hands hugged her from behind and the familiarity kicked in.

"Thought you got lost, honey," she greeted her boyfriend and potentially the love of her life (spoiler alert - yes, he really was).

"I actually kind of did, I'm sure there must be a bathroom closer that all the way back that hallway," he said, kissing her cheek softly. She was taking him home to Japan to get him introduced to her mom, which made him the proudest guy at that airport. He was worthy of getting introduced and to him, that was the biggest compliment one could give. It had been quite a hectic Christmas break for Lando so far, if he were to be honest, he was happy to get few hours alone with Y/N. On the outside, he was this cool racer chill dude. But he was also a sappy romantic, absolutely insisting on having them celebrate their anniversary on the same flight. Y/N grounded him, kept him at bay in the best way possible. He felt like the best version of himself. Which was also what he told her when they almost broke up over the phone one confusing November night. Their relationship was cut with difficult conversations and the need to untangle things, but it was strangely something Lando loved about their relationship. No stones left untouched, caring so much about each other that any shift in energy was a signal to the other party. Y/N taught him to notice things. He pushed her into making her feelings known.

"My love, our flight is cancelled for today," she said softly, not really knowing what to do. Lando usually had his travel booked by the team, so he was surprisingly not very skilled in booking things anymore. But he longed for any possibility to be the hero that saved the day, so he got to the counter and got them on tomorrow's flight, with an overnight at a hotel.

Y/N let out a sigh once he told her that there is currently no other option. She just wanted to be at her mom's place and show Lando off, like a proper proud girlfriend she was.

"I'm sorry, honey," he said, caressing her cheek. "I'll make sure you have an absolutely amazing evening with me, ok? Honestly, getting to spend an extra night with you alone is the best thing I could wish for." She looked at him and there was not a single cell in her body that would doubt what he was telling her. Even after months, every time Lando looked at her, her heart skipped a beat. Every time he embraced her, she completely melted. His skin still felt like the softest thing on this planet. His eyes were the bluest of green that had her mesmerised whenever he shared a glance at her. "There is nothing better I could wish for Christmas either," she said, kissing him softly. "Let's get to the hotel, give your mom a quick call, order a champagne and cuddle without letting anyone else know we're still in England," he whispered like a little devil on her shoulder.

"Hm, maybe we can cuddle like really fast," she insunuated, setting Lando's imagination on fire.

"I have many ideas, honey."

"Good, write them down."

"This will hardly ever skip my mind," Lando laughed lightly and the pair took off, with him having his shoulder around her, both of them hiding their faces under a cap. They soft launched their relationship in the middle of the summer, but there was still a cloud of mystery around Y/N, as she had made sure to set her socials on private. No more of a little secret hidden in a hotel room. Still, privacy was an important thing to the pair, that's why there was a whole fake social media trip happening for Lando right now to redirect attention.

So there they were, toasting with the same champagne a year later, lives intertwined and with their own set of Christmas traditions forming. Two young people with souls still undamaged by the tragedies of life, two young people not realizing how light and magical part of their life they got to call today and tomorrow. Next time you're flying somewhere, don' be a chicken and talk to your hot neighbor on the plane. You never know.

epilogue p.2

____________________________________________

personal note: thank you so much for all the support you guys gave me for this one, it has grown into my favorite story so far - mainly because I got to put in my own memories and feelings from when I accidentally started dating a semi famous sports guy while having no idea who he was, lol. it was in no way lando level kind of famous, but still, it is a great memory, so thank you for reliving it with me.

there will be blurbs of these two coming in the future, but i wanted to tie the main story to an end. but I can't wait to write more, so i'll be more than happy if you come back for some snap shots of their little moments. thank you - smutty epilogue p2. is on the way

Tagged all those who like to suffer: @prudyhoo @anuksunamon @sagestack @esquerkaren @ushygushybaby @ilove-tswizzle @thehufflepuffavenger1  @superlegend216 @mehrmonga @lovely-blackinnon @mylifeihate1029 @lausdigitaldiary @tswizzleismother @goldenharrysworld @llando4norris @classiclitfreak  @ophcelia @leclerc13 @starmanv @k4r1402 @biitch-with-wifi @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @starmanv @formulaal @scenesofobx

[majorbaby]

it takes a conscious effort to break your patterns of consumption and unlearn the notion beauty, interiority, diverse ways of existence aren't exclusive to whiteness or maleness. part of that isn't your fault. certain music is played on the radio, certain shows survive cancellation no matter what, certain people seem to be able to commit the worst possible acts against other human beings and are excused on account of their creative genius. others are selectively punished, with good reason sure, but still, selectively.

now more than ever it's easier to immerse yourself in art made by people outside of the mainstream. reading lists, free resources, playlists... all this stuff is more accessible than ever, but you've got to make an effort to give it a try. it's black history month, the recs are pouring in, go have a look. or take a chance on something absolutely no one has recommended anywhere and if you find something you like, rec it to someone else because the likelihood is they haven't heard of it.

tracy chapman's "fast car" is one of eleven songs that appears on her self-titled debut album. can you name the second hit single from it? if you're american and you fell anywhere left of center as of the 2016 election, it should be on the tip of your tongue if you were engaged in your country's politics at the time, regardless of your level of actual investment in the system. if not, the next time you're doing a task you need both hands with, washing the dishes, having dinner, doing your makeup, put that album on.

there's a post with over 100K notes on here that i see all the time of bruce springsteen and clarence clemons kissing. there's a part of that that is immediately meaningful to many if you're lgbtq, and a part that is harder for non-black lgbtq people to feel the weight of. but it is worth trying to do and was part of the reason why they kissed so often in the first place. clarence clemons was from norfolk, virginia. he released multiple albums outside of his work with the e street band. they may not be for you, but give them a try.

give enough music, or movies, or books that aren't a part of the approved canon a try, and there's no way you won't find something you don't feel as passionate about as you do about springsteen, siken, the beatles, what have you.

james baldwin was a prolific artist. see if you can't find something of his you like more than giovanni's room.

immerse yourself in ringo sheena, who mitski cites as one of her influences.

if you have difficulty paying attention to music you don't recognize, (i get it) make a playlist that alternates tracks you know and love with brand new tracks. start small. 5 faves of all time, 5 you're going to try out. you won't like everything, but you might find yourself looking forward to 6 songs instead of 5 eventually.

for movies, pick an actor whose performance you loved in something and explore their work. last year i picked whoopi goldberg, also a prolific artist, with a vast body of work that's pretty accessible as a result of her constant, intentional effort.

if you're an artist yourself, you can only stand to improve by getting to know your fellow artists better. so expand your notion of what art is. you can do it for free in lots of cases, and you're spending that time listening to music or reading or watching movies or series anyway, what have you got to lose?

anti-racism sometimes means engaging in real-world narratives of pain endured by brown and black people. that pain permeates much of our art, but we're just as three-dimensional as everybody else, and every aspect of our experiences come through in our work. you know that already, because what else is happening when you indulge in various genres. for everything you love or enjoy, there's a brown or black person who's doing something along those lines, in many cases, those genres wouldn't exist in their current form without the influence of our communities, some more than others, depending on where you're from. you can actually keep one foot inside your comfort zone and dip your toe into something else. that choice is both a joy and a luxury.

[astrhae]

some important and underrated lines in the books, related to wylan van eck (aka gold that i found again while writing the character study fic):

Wylan took a deep breath as if sucking in courage and sputtered, “You won’t throw me overboard. You need me.”

--- Six of Crows, Chapter 13. when i say wylan is unhinged, i mean he had the audacity to lie to kaz brekker (who doesn't know yet that wylan isn't the best hostage) AND use that lie to go against kaz AND actually win. jesper only notices wylan lying to kaz in the second book, but despite being wide-eyed as matthias describes, wylan's been lying to kaz from the very beginning. throughout the books, wylan gets better and better at using people's assumptions of him as a weapon/tool, and he admits as much when jesper says: "i'm going to stop underestimating you", and wylan replies: "then you're going to be a lot harder to surprise."

While Kaz explained and Jesper used the laundry shears to portion out pieces of rope, Wylan helped Inej and Nina prepare. To pass as members of the Menagerie, they would need tattoos.

--- Six of Crows, Chapter 28. wylan is CANONICALLY a tattoo artist. demolitionist. poisons expert. musician. and tattoo artist. do with that what you will

“I don’t like the idea of killing people, either. I don’t even like chemistry.”

--- Six of Crows, Chapter 32. HE LIKES NUMBERS. and music. and jesper. there's just something about wylan being forced into chemistry when he doesn't truly enjoy it, vs. everything his father's forced him to do when he doesn't truly enjoy it. he says this right after the we could wake him up line, and him mentioning that he doesn't even like what he's been doing all along underscores how much wylan's ruthlessness comes from a place where he doesn't want to be cruel. he's just. had to do a lot of things to survive. and he does want to survive

Gunfire sounded from above. Apparently, Wylan had found the controls. ... Wylan had scratches from the glass all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming.

--- Six of Crows, Chapter 39. wylan is unhinged. truly. and i love him, really. he was really the first to figure out how to fire the tank. him, not jesper, which was a choice i very much approve of

He should be making a plan, maybe even plotting revenge, trying to gather his wits and his resources. And what was he doing? Wishing he could ring for tea... Whatever it took to survive the Barrel, Wylan knew he didn’t have it.

--- Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 23. first, wylan wishing he could ring for tea, vs. the parallel in the show where he offers the crows tea. second, wylan being painfully honest with himself. but third, he ends the chapter being able to navigate the streets of the barrel himself without knowing how to read the signs, which really reflects his amazingly good memory and skill for thinking along three axes, like the lockpick kaz compared him to

“Yes,” Wylan said, that one word imbued with a whole world of hope. “But I don’t have anything to bargain with.”

--- Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 28. wylan's spent so long bargaining for his life that by the time he meets genya, he doesn't believe he has anything left to bargain with. but wylan still tries, AND when he succeeds, he still has the audacity to get genya to make him look better

in conclusion, wylan might be shy but that doesn't mean he isn't scheming something, but that doesn't mean he wants to scheme, but that doesn't mean he isn't good at scheming. he's excellent at it, he's just an unhinged ball of contradictions, and wylan would, could, and should beat kaz in a chess match

[mariabtsos]

Unsinkable ||j.jk|| - Chapter 8

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Description: The 1910s are the peak of passenger ships, it was also the peak of classism, Jungkook is a third class immigrant from Korea, and you are a first class “prisoner” not wanting to go back to a life of strict standards. Once you meet Jungkook, life seems worth living, but when tragedy strikes, will you guys make it out to live the life you planned?

Genre: Titanic AU, poor/artist!JK x rich!f reader, angst, fluff, very slight smut, forbidden love.

Warnings: Mass death, graphic descriptions of: Hypothermia, thalassophobia, bodily injury. Thoughts of death.

Word Count: 1.5k+

You wished Jungkook had been joking on the night you met.

You tried your best to keep your eyes open as you did your best to swim back to the surface, it felt like something was pulling your legs further down, against your better judgment you looked down, barely making out the railing of the stern as it plunged down to what looked like the darkest abyss, you had to keep swimming if you were going to live, but you were scared, scared that something horrifying will come from black waters below you. 

Jungkook wouldn’t let that happen.

You didn’t realize he was pulling you up until you were almost out of the water, noticing how much harder holding your breath was getting to be. As you broke the surface of the water you gasped for air as if you were a newborn baby, you regretted this instantly, the cold air making you feel like a thousand knives were inside your lungs. Breathing was so painful, you were screaming in pain, was it coming from your leg or your head? It didn’t matter, no one could hear you, mainly because of all the screams that surrounded you as well.

Where were Taehyung and Yoongi? 

You looked at Jungkook with concern, remembering the fact that the doe-eyed man you loved had given you his lifebelt, so he was paddling to stay afloat at the moment, and probably to stay warm. As you swam behind you looked around to check if you saw any sign of the two you’d been so worried about. You couldn’t help but wonder if Taehyung was wearing a lifebelt? Yoongi was wearing one, so surely Taehyung was too, right?

“Where’re the others Kook?” Your voice came out shaky, even talking felt painful, were your ribs broken? Talking shouldn’t be this painful.

“I don’t know,” he spoke, shivering. You tried looking around for any sign of them, but it was so dark. So, so dark.

“YOONGI! TAEHYUNG!” You yelled their names, in hope that they would find you, in hopes that they were both okay.

Jungkook swam around and found a few pieces of debris you could float on, they weren’t very sturdy, and it took you both a few tries to figure out how to get on without falling each time. You looked up at the sky briefly, taking in how bright the stars shone. Where’s the moon? you thought to yourself. 

“TAEHYUNG! YOONGI!” You yelled again, your throat hurt from doing so, and it almost felt useless as the screams around you drowned anything you could possibly say. You hoped rescue was on its way, hell, there was a light nearby and the silhouette of what you thought was another ship. Did they see the flares the officers had sent out earlier? Did they hear how the ship so many deemed ‘unsinkable’ broke apart and sunk from right under you? You wondered if Namjoon and Chris’s bodies were sinking down too, and if their bones would even survive the crushing pressure from below?

You remembered your last moments with him before you left to find Jungkook, how he kept insisting that you get on that lifeboat with your mother, how he’d been holding so tightly and how scared you were of both of you surviving and this being your life. Was it bad that deep down, you were glad he’d died and that he had died quick? That you wouldn’t have to worry about living the life pre-destined for you? All of these questions swirled in your mind as you and Jungkook shivered. You wish you could hold each other, but the pieces of debris Jungkook found were not big enough to hold you both up in a way that you could hold each other. So, you had nothing to do but accept the chilling air of the morning.

“Yoongi…Taehyung…” your voice was merely a whisper now. “It’s so quiet Kookie.”

“We’ll…be okay…the boats will be back for us in no time…” his speech was slurred, the words barely separated as shivered uncontrollably.

“I’m so tired,” you shivered too, very slowly paddling toward him, however long had passed he’d moved far away.

“N-no…you can’t…can’t close your eyes, you have…to live,” Jungkook encouraged you, reaching for your hand which you extended to him, it took him a while to get a hold of it as he was barely able to keep his own hand up.

“You know, I was planning on making myself puke before we left London,” he looked at you, his eyes were heavy, you could tell he was sleepy, but he still let out the silliest of giggles, it was weak and soft, but you didn’t know how much you’d needed it until just now.

“Are you serious?” he asked, his speech was slurred and his skin looked even paler now. “Chris and I were lucky we won that poker game,” the doe-eyed man admitted, “I…think…it’s the best…thing I’ve e…ver won…dar…ling” he giggled again, and it almost didn’t sound like the current Jungkook, who you thought may have suffering the worst part of hypothermia.

“Do you think we’ll make it Kookie?”

Jungkook could barely keep his eyes open anymore, “We’re so close…Korea…can we swim to Korea?” He could barely enunciate his words. You looked at where his shaking finger — although it looked like was slowly stopping — was pointing and all you saw was open water and the silhouettes of other passengers in the water, you looked at him and noticed the debris he was floating on, his chest and arms were barely holding on, his body was submerged from the waist down

Before you could answer you heard a loud whistle along with yelling. “IS ANYONE OUT THERE ALIVE?”

It was them, they’d come to help, they’d come back to save you and Jungkook, maybe whoever was up there was looking after you after all? Hearing the manly voice so close made you come to a decision: you weren't going to die. You weren't going to die, is what you kept repeating to yourself, mustering all the courage and strength you could, you lifted yourself a little extra from your debris and saw the corpse of an officer, his body limp and a whistle frozen to his lips. You weren’t going to die. You got off your debris and swam toward the man, trying your best to not hurt him in case he wasn’t dead, you pulled it softly out of his lip and started blowing the whistle right away, with pleas scattered in between.

“HELP US” you screamed, and you kept on repeating the same phrase every time you stopped whistling to catch air, until eventually you saw a bright light pointed your way.

You didn't remember much after that, just helping drag Jungkook up to the lifeboat and then passing out. When the officer in charge of the lifeboat woke you, you were in front of another big ship and you saw as people climbed on the ladders on the side of the ship, as well as people being dragged up who looked pretty banged up, but to be fair so were you.

You dozed off a few times on the way to the medical area they'd set up, you had a dislocated knee, and had in fact broken a few ribs, you were being treated for frostbite like many others around you. 

Where’s Jungkook? That was the first thing that came to your mind as you finally were warm enough to stay awake.

“Jungkook? JUNGKOOK?”

“Madam, if you mean the boy that was found with you he’s in another room, he’ll be taken directly to the hospital once we get to New York,” the nurse who was walking by your bed came by, checking on your bandages. “I have to go with him, please!” You pleaded.

“Are you anything to him?” Shit, you technically weren’t, but technically, all your most important documents were gone with the ship, and unless your mother found you — which you doubted given they’d put you with the 3rd class passengers and she’d rather be caught dead than mingling with ‘vermin’ as she’d called them.

“Yes, I am his wife, please,” you lied. The nurse nodded, letting you know she’d do her best to ensure you'd be with him once Carpathia docked.

In the meantime, Taehyung and Jimin found you, and you cried seeing Jimin was still holding the little baby he’d found, you wondered if his parents survived, if they were here on Carpathia. As selfish as it sounded, you hoped Jimin would get to keep the small child. You told them all about you and Jungkook’s survival, they listened attentively and did their best to comfort you. “Yoongi hyung is in another room,” Jimin explained, once you finished your story “he got stuck on the railing and his leg broke in his effort to get himself out, the frostbite didn’t help much.”

“And even then, when we found debris to float on he refused to get on and insisted I did,” Taehyung said softly, you held out one of your hands to him in an effort to comfort him, “when the ship docks I’m going to the hospital with Jungkook, if I find out what the name of it is and if Yoongi is going there too, I’ll let you both know so we can all get off the boat together, we’re sticking together,” the two boys looked at each other and then at you and nodded.

[rootspiral]

I don’t remember if you mentioned this in your deep dives, but I just noticed that almost everyone’s hallucinations during Jen’s trial are about their dead loved ones. Except Jen’s, which was her binding.

It’s almost like being bound, losing her magic, was as traumatic as losing a loved one. Agatha and Billy really didn’t get that, did they.

Also can we talk about how no one remembered to collect Sharon’s hair for the potion but it still worked?

I'm so glad I got this question since it's something I've been meaning to talk about, thank you!

The thing is, there are so many kinds of grief. Death is what we associate with the term the most since it's both so common and so final, but we grieve and mourn a lot of things throughout our lives, some less severe than others. You might grieve the loss of your childhood when you go live on your own for the first time, you may grieve after losing a job or a house, after ending a relationship with a friend, a romantic partner or a family member, and (this is Jen's case) after losing body autonomy and your sense of identity.

When you experience loss your brain will tend to react in specific ways, you might feel shock, numbness, anger, sorrow, depression. Some people will become more generous and empathic, others will cope by becoming isolated and defensive and self centered. I love that we see different kinds of coping mechanisms within our witches, and I love that Jen reacts very similarly to Agatha (although not as extremely): she rejects her own community, puts on a lot of armor and essentially becomes a scam artist in order to survive.

This show in my opinion brings home beautifully some very important points: people are much more complicated than good or evil. The way we react to sorrow might be healthy or unhealthy but it's still undeniably human. People need to work on their issues but it's almost impossible to do it on your own, without the support of a community. Jen copes with the loss of her powers in an arguably unhealthy way, but it's so much more nuanced than that! Like you point out, her pain is just as valid as the others', and it's comparatively harder to come to terms with too because she wasn't hurt by a random natural occurrence, but by real people that of course she is gonna blame and hate!

Jen took a lot of pride in being a root worker and midwife, losing that was like losing her identity and sense of self. And where was her community when that happened? Why was she an outcast? I'm sure some of it was self-inflicted self-preservation, I have very little backstory to base my observations on but Jen saying "like I care about that dusty, warty, snaggle-toothed community" when she cares so much she almost cried when Lilia called her a "sister in the craft"? Where WAS her community? Why was she left to fend for herself? Jen's attitude changes so much when she finds empathy and understanding in her fellow witches, and Lilia makes it clear that Jen's future is so bright and there so much potential there for exceptional achievements. Jen is such a driven person! I do really hope we see more of her, I want to see what she does next and I want her to be happy and fulfilled (and also get a little revenge, for funsies.)

I'm not sure if I answered your question at all, I just kind of blabbed on 😅 and re: Sharon - did the potion work though!?! It very much didn't.