#a whole day for me to keep giving you the exact same updates in. so lucky

[rottenaero]

They were gonna put Eddie down like a damn dog.

The group had insisted that Steve visit the hospital today, one year and two months after the incident. It was a random day, and he thought, ‘ why the hell not?’

Family Video had been closed for months, doing ‘ repairs’, so he really didn’t have much else to do.

He thought it was weird, the way the group was as far away from the bed as possible, and how when he entered the room, Hopper almost blocked the exit.

He doesn’t question it though, sidling up to the open chair beside Eddie, who was still asleep after all this time, and punching his shoulder lightly.

“ Hey, Hero.”

He’d taken to calling it sleeping instead of what it was, a coma. Sleeping sounded more peaceful, because with sleeping came dreams and relaxation.

Eddie doesn’t respond, doesn’t react. Steve didn’t expect him to.

He turns his head to Dustin, the one who’d called him in the first place. “ So, why’re we gathered here today? Any updates?” He asks, addressing the whole room.

The boy swallows, and something tells him something’s wrong. Really wrong.

“ Yeah, actually. Uhm, since it’s been so long, we were thinking-“ He cuts himself off, crosses his arms and starts tapping his foot. Thinking, probably.

Hopper glances to him, and sighs, deciding to lead. “ We’re gonna have to let Munson go.” He states.

Steve takes a sharp breath.

“ What?”

‘ Let him go’ like this is a job. Like this isn’t him losing his life. He wonders when they decided to do this, in the hospital room for the ten minutes they were waiting.

Eddie doesn’t give any indication he hears what’s being said, the beeps from the heart monitor still steady and even as ever. A constant metronome of the exact same sound on the exact say beat, all the time, always.

Except maybe not always.

Dustin takes over again, arms placating. “ It’s been a really long time, Steve. We’ve come to terms that he probably won’t wake up, and it’s doesn’t have to be sad-“

“ You’re killing him.” He hisses, “ You’re killing him and it’s not meant to be sad?”

Nancy steps forward, seeing it as her time to speak. “ Steve. You barely knew the guy, and you spend all your time here, it’s not good for you.”

“ There’s been no good signs, no nothing, not even when El looks into his brain.” Dustin nods at the girl across the room, who’s fiddling with her fingers.

Steve furrows his brow, “ Oh, so I guess you’re gonna pull the plug on Max too?”

Lucas’s eyes widen, mouth dropping open, and Nancy glares. “ That is not fair, Steve.”

“ This whole situations pretty fucking unfair, so I guess you’re gonna have to explain to me how this is different from Max.” He stands, stance wide as he points to the man in the hospital bed.

“ Max is making progress.” Lucas says weakly, and El sets a hand on his shoulder. The boy deflates.

He turns toward Hopper and Joyce, the latter still not having spoken. The Byers family had moved back to Indiana for God knows what reason, and Steve knows that if he had the money, that he could’ve moved somewhere else long ago.

“ Does Wayne know you’re killing his kid?” He asks.

He’d met the man while visiting, and they’d usually sit in silence and watch baseball or whatever was on. He never questioned why Steve was there, or why he was holding a limp body’s hand and taking off it’s rings and putting them back on.

When they did speak, it was stories he had from Eddie’s childhood, about how he buzzed his head because a spider crawled on him and he was convinced it was hidden in his hair, making babies.

Hopper pinched his nose, like he was being a pest. “ Stop using words like killing, and yes. He said he didn’t want Eddie to have to suffer, and his bills are getting expensive.”

And he blinks, realization dawning.

This hadn’t just been decided, had it? This wasn’t a ten minute decision while Steve was getting ready to come here.

He speaks, his voice low and keeping even through each word, “ You guys had a meeting.” The ‘ without me’ goes unsaid, but still echoes throughout the room like if would’ve if he shouted it.

They’d decided this whole thing beforehand, somehow knowing that Steve would hang on. And he would, will. He can’t let him die, he can’t lose.

Will nods, and next to him Mike and Dustin look ashamed. He would’ve thought they’d hold out more.

He racks his brain for any reason they should keep alive, can’t find one. Somehow, even without one for them, he has a million for himself.

“ If the bills are the reason, I’ll pay the damn bills. He’s fucking alive.” He tries.

“ You don’t have a job, Family Video is closed. Just let it be, Steve. Please.” Robin had been eerily quiet during this entire conversation, and it brings him chills him when she speaks.

His best friend had been in on it.

He crosses his arms, “ I’ll get a job. Listen, I’ve been having dreams,-“ He lies. He lies because there’s nothing true to prove Eddie is getting better. “-dreams that he’s alive in like a dark space, I don’t know- his mind maybe? I just- I really think he’s in there.”

The hope Dustin gets on his face hurts, but he doesn’t care. The guy will wake up and it won’t matter that the ‘ dreams’ never existed.

Maybe it’s because he’s an optimist, and that’s why he’s trying so hard, as pessimistic as he can be sometimes.

“ Why didn’t you tell us?” Dustin asks and Steve licks his lips.

Why didn’t he tell them? “ Despite all this crazy shit, me having dreams that he’s alive still sounds crazy.” He doesn’t look at the boy as he says this, eyes roaming over Eddie’s face.

He looks serene, the bat bite on his face as healed as it can get. The doctors had mentioned swelling on his back shoulder blades, but Steve thinks his would be swollen too if he sat on them for a year.

‘ A year and two months.’ He corrects himself.

He stares at the hair that, occasionally when it got matted, Steve would go through and brush it, not wanting him to wake up to being bald because a doctor seemed it necessary.

Wayne mentioned how much he hated the shaved head, and he wouldn’t put him through that again.

As he looks at him, he thinks ‘ I’m doing this for you, so you better wake up, asshole.’

Dustin’s eyes are wide, staring at the members of Hellfire. Steve could only describe the look as ecstatic.

“ Holy shit, I mean, holy shit!” He laughs, and Mike breaks into his own grin.

Jonathan chimes in, disbelief sketched into the lines all over his face. “ Sorry, but doesn’t that seem too convenient? I’m not saying you’re lying Steve, just… If El didn’t find anything, that’s pretty much it.”

His lips form into a line, determined. “ I told you, I’ll be paying for whatever. It’s no skin off your back, or money out of Wayne’s pockets.”

Joyce nudges Hopper when he goes to speak, and nods at Steve. “ If you wanna try, sweetheart, you can. But I don’t want you visiting too much, it’s doing you more harm than good.” She wraps him in a hug, before leading the ex-chief of police out of the room.

Slowly, everyone vacates, until it’s just Steve, Eddie, and El.

She doesn’t make a move toward the door, eyes locked onto his face.

“ You’re lying.” She whispers like a secret.

He nods.

She looks toward Eddie, nervous, and she messes with the hem of her shirt when she starts to speak again. “ I lied too.”

She doesn’t elaborate, walking out of the room without anymore information, and Steve blinks.

The hospital has to call Wayne to confirm the transfer, that's how he learns of the circumstances. He doesn't say much of anything, aside from a promise of a visit on Tuesday before he hangs up.

That night, that same fucking night, he gets a call.

It's the front desk lady, voice distressed rushing through an explanation.

" Eddies gone...Only blood in his bed...We don't know where he is."

Steve stares at the wall, the rest of the words falling upon deaf ears.

Someone had probably found out where he was being held, murdered him a year later for his crimes, and stashed the body away.

He sets the phone back in its holster without saying anything to the other line. Not even a goodbye, or a thanks.

He thinks, it only for a second, that he should've let them just pull the plug, it would've been far less painful.

A creaking brings him out of it, and his eyes dart to his door.

It's dark, too dark, and Steve's aware the Upside Down fucked him up in incomprehensible ways, and now every shadow looks like something,

But there was definitely someone in his house.

He keeps slumped on his bed, the same position as when he'd answered the call. He doesn't flinch when the door pushes open enough for a body to slip in.

There's the sound of something dragging along the carpet as they come closer, probably a shotgun, or maybe they're gonna beat him with his own nail-bat.

He doesn't care to decipher the shape, instead shutting his eyes.

A hand grabs his, sets it on dry skin. His thumb touches a rough patch, a scar like feeling.

One his hands had roamed over while patching up his stomach, refusing to get looked at. That concave patch of scratchy skin that they tell you eventually will just be soft, scarred, but normal.

The skin stretches, and he feels a cheek.

Somehow, he thinks if he keeps his eyes shut, he doesn't have to face the thing in front of him, that it somehow isn't real.

A scratchy, disused, and croaky voice sounds out.

" ' Hey, Hero.' "

[lnkedmyheart]

This one is in response to @fizzytastic asking

"I would LOVE to know what you mean regarding the light novels."

Dazai in the light novels has been down BAD since the day he met Chuuya.

I know the whole "must be because I love you" can be viewed as a joke but my man actually "whispered with a look of regret" at being shot down.

He also proceeded to cheat during the game by tampering with the machine to ensure Chuuya would lose the bet and become his dog. He was also stated as being in awe of Chuuya's fighting ability, repeatedly refering to him as "incredible". Dazai also flat out admits to wanting to try out living because "Chuuya convinced" him.

He is even described as having forgotten how to breathe watching Chuuya fight.

Moving on to the events of Stormbringer, Dazai spends too long exposing his obsession with Chuuya, telling the big bad that he spends all his "days and nights thinking about ways to annoy Chuuya".

He further proceeds to insist that Chuuya is human because of how strongly he hates Chuuya and due to a specific word it can be viewed as him saying Chuuya would hate him less if he wasnt human as was stated in the stage play of the same.

Furthermore at the end of Stormbringer he offers to come up with a new plan to give Chuuya an out if he needs one when he has to use corruption as a last resort. And he fully intends on coming up with a new plan within 2 minutes.

In general Dazai does a lot of staring at Chuuya throughout the light novels. On a lighter note Dazai jokes about wanting Chuuya as his personal maid at one point and demands that Chuuya let Dazai look inside his head and know everything there is to know about him.

But then we move onto the dragon head conflict as mentioned in Dead Apple where after making light of an executive's death and getting punched in the face by Chuuya, Dazai is so shaken up by Chuuya implying he's inhuman, he actually pulls strings to try and bring the conflict to an end. He also stops corruption by touching his cheek and pulls Chuuya's head into his lap while he is unconscious after his fight with Shibusawa. The following is from the manga.

Now everyone knows about the whole Snow White and Prince reference but in the light novel its clarified that Chuuya's ability was not affected by the fog and Dazai knew this but he still forces his head down. Even more telling is that Dazai cradles Chuuya's face for no real reason because Corruption had already been nullified when Chuuya made skin to skin contact when punching him in the face.

And of course that was how their expressions are drawn in the manga panel

Then we move to the present day and you have Dazai saying this to Sigma about Chuuya

But then his comment about Gide has him claim the exact same behaviour is romantic in his messed up troll brain

Basically Dazai has a history of staring at Chuuya in awe since 15, "jokingly" confessed at 15 and then got somewhat upset about the rejection, cheated to be able to keep Chuuya as his, repeatedly makes remarks that imply he is vaguely obsessed with him at 16, tends to let Chuuya rest his head in his lap post corruption, has nullified him twice that we have seen by touching his cheek (as per the movie and once as per the ln). Is actively affected by how Chuuya views him (which was shocking to me).

Aside from that he has also talked about Chuuya to the ADA off screen because Yosano knew about Chuuya and his ability (though this could just be a random update about the membera of the mafia to watch out for during meetings) and I heard he talked about Chuuya to Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai ln.

This is not counting any of the seriously insane amount of wan content because I dont view it as canon or atleast entirely canon but there Dazai admits to keeping 27 journals detailing things about Chuuya and its an exaggeration of the canon fact that Dazai prides himself in being a Chuuya Nakahara Encyclopedia. It also plays with how close they both actually are with several character refering to them as besties, Chuuya being forced to admit he doesnt actually hate Dazai.

(Oh and this is not even considering just how much Dazai touches Chuuya, like in the manga there is a part where Dazai keeps tugging at Chuuya's hair and refusing to let go while complaining about how much he doesnt want to touch him. Just let go dude...)

So yea, I would not be surprised if Dazai has his vows prepared by the time the last pre defection ln drops. Ofcourse this is mostly a lighthearted joke about Dazai being down bad but in all seriousness, Dazai genuinely cared about and still cares about Chuuya and its made extremely obvious throughout the novels. Its actually worth noting that it was actually Chuuya who seemed to be more vitriolic towards him until the end of Stormbringer where Dazai actually gives Chuuya a choice and shows open concern for Chuuya's needs. Hell Dazai was also the one insisting on Chuuya's autonomy, while he keeps insisting Chuuya is his dog, he hates the idea of people using him like a tool, its why he always gives Chuuya a choice. Chuuya always actively chooses to go rescue Dazai in Dazai's plans of getting kidnapped. Chuuya can always go, "nah, I dont wanna use corruption" but he doesnt because he knows since the events of stormbringer that Dazai will always give him a choice even if corruption seems like a last resort.

Chuuya has good reason for trusting Dazai. Its cause Dazai has in fact proven to him that he can trust him. Its why he went in to fight a dragon despite being told Dazai was possibly already dead.

(And yea I know the current arc would have people go "lol he tried to drown Chuuya, he clearly doesnt care" and you know what? That's so dumb. Dazai tried to drown Chuuya, yes. But we dont actually know what is happening with this arc rn and what he is doing or if Chuuya is in any way involved in whatever he is doing. Dazai said all those things and there was no need for him to say that but the fact that he even remembered several moments they shared, yea no, he was clearly affected by it. Maybe I am wrong and Asagiri decided to yeet out all of Dazai's characterization we saw with his behaviour towards Chuuya in 2 entire novels of his past but IDK I think I'm gonna wait till this arc ends and everything unfolds before making a conclusion about how Dazai is such an asshole he tried to drown his partner.)

Seriously, vows are like the least they could do at this point.

[honeyedmiller]

Law of Attraction — Epilogue

series masterlist | previous chapter

rating: 18+, minors dni

word count: 2.7k

warnings: no outbreak au, professor!joel, plus size!reader, responsible alcohol consumption, a reunion, confessions of feelings (lots and lots of feelings), no use of y/n.

epilogue synopsis: a year later, you find yourself attending another criminal justice exposition, but everything’s different this time around.

a/n: this is it! thank you all so much for sticking with me through this lil series, even though the updates were super sporadic. thank you for giving my take on professor miller the love you did. i appreciate every single one of you. love u all. xoxo

divider by @saradika-graphics <3

You almost laughed when Margot told you where the upcoming criminal justice expo was being held this year. 

The same exact hotel as last year, because apparently, attendance was at an all-time high and it got phenomenal feedback. This time, you were going because the forensics department you were in was invited as a whole unit, with Margot chosen to give a speech to represent the department. 

You’d grown close with Margot the year that you’ve been back in California. Your job was amazing, you worked with a great team, and you were truly, genuinely happy for the first time in so long. 

So much has changed within the year. You felt like you’d done a lot of growing as a person, figuring out who you are all while living your best life. 

Joel had decided that he’d keep his distance for you, because you deserved to live your life and heal and not worry about him all the way back in Texas. You protested at first, but then steadily came to the realization that it truly was for the best. 

That’s all he wanted for you—the best—and he couldn’t give that to you if he was just going to hold you back. Plus, a long distance thing would’ve just been too much for the both of you. 

Distancing himself was for the best. 

Doesn’t mean you didn’t miss him like hell. He’d texted you from time-to-time to see how the new job was, how you were settling into your apartment with Adrienne, how living in California was again. He cared, alot. More than he’d probably admit. 

As the new semester started for Joel, the texts dwindled down into nothingness. It wasn’t intentional. You both were just busy, occupied people who had jobs to do. 

Still doesn’t mean you didn’t think about him often. 

You’d wonder what shirt he’d be wearing on a random Wednesday, if he drank one cup or two cups of coffee on a particularly grueling day, what music he’d listen to on his way to work. 

You knew it would be best if you could just stop thinking about him in general, but it was hard. The man had a big impact on your life, even though things were more than okay between you two now. You just couldn’t shake him. 

You had some pretty decent distractions, but at the end of the day it was just him. Joel, Joel, Joel.

Margot went over how the presentation was going to go at the expo, and luckily you didn’t need to do much talking. Or anything at all, really. Just smile and wave as you’re introduced, as Margot had put it. 

The setup was exactly as you’d remembered it—a huge room with tables that showcased different areas of expertise in criminal justice, and a stage at the very front of the room with an open bar in the back.

 A small, fond smile curls on your lips as you recall wearing that sophisticatedly sexy black number and Joel’s eyes as he ogled over you. 

You were wearing a pale pink blouse this time with gray slacks and black heels. You couldn’t deny yourself of the proud feeling tugging in your tummy. A year ago, you wanted to be a pro. Now you are. 

“Okay team,” Margot started, and all of you gave her your undivided attention. “Put these lanyards on. There’s forensics teams from all over Southern California today, so let’s represent Los Angeles and be on our best behavior.” 

You laughed softly at Margot’s motherly side shining through. Your lanyard had the words Los Angeles PD Forensics Department with your name written below it, and Forensic Analyst below your name on a laminated card that was clipped at the bottom. 

“Feels like a badge of honor bestowed on us.” Your coworker Brandon joked. 

“Kinda does, huh?” You laugh along with him. Brandon started the same time you did, so you luckily weren’t thrown into the workforce alone. He’d become someone near and dear to you over the course of the past year. 

Margot led you all toward your seats in front of the stage. More people filed into the room, experts from every which way coming up to introduce themselves. Chatter died down once everyone was settled and the speeches began. Each department head from different counties—Orange, Riverside, San Diego, San Bernardino—all gave their speeches and introduced their teams. Margot was last to go, thanking everyone for being able to make it out to the expo. She introduced you one-by-one, sporting shy smiles and humble waves to the crowd. 

There had to be easily more than three hundred people in that room. Even waving hello was nerve wracking, so when Margot thanked everyone once more and wished them a good time, you were relieved when parties started to disperse into their respectable groups. 

“Let’s get a drink. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a long night.” Brandon nudged you, and you happily obliged. You considered ordering a Mai Tai, a smile curling onto the corner of your lips at the thought. You opted for a single glass of Disarrono on the rocks. 

You sipped generously on your drink as Brandon was in full swing of conversation with your other coworker, not paying much mind to what he was saying. 

Your mind clouded with thoughts of last time. The way Joel looked at you, the way you felt under his burning gaze, the carnal need for him that settled into your bones, the things you did with him just fifteen floors above this one. A devastating wave of need and nostalgia washed over you in that moment.

”Helloooo?” Brandon waved his hand in front of your face, and you looked at him with threaded eyebrows. “Where are you, babe?” He asks, and you smile softly.

”I’m sorry. Just deep in thought, I guess.” You laugh it off, internally rolling your eyes at yourself. 

Get. It. Together.

”Wanna talk about it?” He asks, resting a hand on your shoulder. You shake your head and sip your drink. The last thing you want to do is wallow in self pity. 

“Well if you want to get your mind off of things, Mr. Hunk over there has been making eyes at you for some time now.” Brandon juts his chin over your shoulder with subtlety. You furrow your brows, turning around to lock eyes with a deep, familiar, warm gaze. 

You freeze in place, not really believing your eyes at the moment. It felt like your mind was playing tricks on you, mainly because being here had memories of him and the little bits of bliss you indulged in together. 

Your feet seemed to have a mind of their own as you made your way to him, meeting him halfway before stopping before his broad frame. 

“Joel?” Your voice is nearly a whisper, impossible to hear over the loud chatter in the room. A small smile curls onto his lips as he looks at you with sincerity. 

“Hi sweetheart.” 

He looks a bit different. His hair is longer, the graying brown locks hanging over his forehead in soft curls that frame his handsome face. His matching stubble is a bit longer, probably from lack of shaving over the last few days. You spot the heart shaped patch amidst the gray, though, and you want to kiss it. You want to kiss him. 

“What are you—” You start, but he shakes his head. 

“They invited me back because I actually got a new job. ‘M gonna be a criminal law professor at UCLA starting this summer.” He says, and your eyebrows pinch together. 

“Wait, so you’re moving to LA?” You ask, struggling to comprehend the news he just dropped on you. 

He nods, a sheepish smile on his lips as he tries to gauge your reaction. 

“That’s amazing, Joel, congrats on the job.” You grin up at him, trying to mask your excitement. 

You didn’t exactly know where you stood with him, since so much had changed since the last time you physically saw him in person. 

“Thank you.” His voice was soft amongst the chaos of others. You had so much you wanted to say, but the words just seemed to die on your tongue every time you opened and closed your mouth to speak. 

“Wanna go talk somewhere more private?” He’s leaning toward your ear now so you can hear him better. He leans back and looks at you, a flash of uncertainty crossing his gaze. He was probably just as nervous as you were. 

You nod at him and hold up a finger as you step back to your group, telling Brandon you were going to step out real quick. His eyes flickered between you and Joel, giving you an impressed nod. 

You almost wanted to laugh, given that he had no clue about the history between you and Joel. 

Margot didn’t have anything planned for the team until tomorrow, so it was a free-for-all kinda night. You downed the last of your drink for that quick spike of liquid courage, setting your glass onto the bar top before you were by Joel’s side again. He led you out of the expo with a hand on your lower back, not caring who saw anymore. 

He didn’t want to hide anything anymore. He was ready to lay all of his cards down on the table, hoping you’d be willing to hear him out. 

“I have a room here for the weekend—would you be comfortable talking in there? If not, we can—” Joel starts nervously, but you reach up and give his bicep a small squeeze of reassurance as you wait by the elevator. 

“That’s fine Joel.” You smile at him, and you can see his shoulders visibly relax as he nods. The elevator dings, and you both step inside. You nearly want to laugh, hard, at how he pressed the ‘15’ button. 

Total déjà vu settles into your bones, recalling the insane sexual tension between the two of you the last time you rode this elevator up to the fifteenth floor. You look at your reflections staring back at you, and you don't see desperate and needy in your gazes. You saw steadiness and growth. 

He looks at you and gives you a small smile, a flash of I remember too, before the elevator comes to a full stop and opens its doors. He leads you to his room and unlocks the door, tossing the key card onto the entry table as you both shuffle into the room.

You didn’t know what to expect. You didn’t know if he wanted to just talk, wanted to talk and do more, or just do more. 

“So,” He starts, scratching the back of his neck. “Wanna talk on the balcony?” He nods his head toward the spacious balcony with two seats and a small table outside. 

Relief floods your body in an instant, grateful he only wants to talk. You grin at him and head toward the balcony, sliding the glass door open before stepping out into the California warmth. You take a seat across him him, heart racing in anticipation as your gaze meets his. 

“First off, I wanna start by saying I’ve been doin’ a lot of reflecting this past year. Should’ve never put you through that situation darlin’, n’ for that I’m sorry.” 

“I think it’s safe to say we’ve both moved past that part.” You try to keep your tone lighthearted, but Joel shakes his head. 

“‘M sorry for what I did to ya. You’re a beautiful, smart, amazing woman n’ I took advantage of the situation. It was fucked up. Tess gave me an earful, believe me.” His smile is sad as he looks down at his hands folded in his lap. 

“Why did you?” You meekly ask. 

“I was scared of gettin’ hurt again. My ex fiancée wasn’t a good person. She cheated on me multiple times n’ gaslit me into thinking I was goin’ crazy, even if there were major red flags about her and her behavior. Didn’t see through any of the bullshit though, and I feel like I projected my bottled up hurt into what was going on between us. I can’t tell ya how sorry I am.” 

“Why did you get so upset with me when I reminded you that I’m not her? I would never do such a thing to you.” 

“I realize that now, baby. I guess I just got so upset that what she did was being thrown in my face, and it set me off. Listen,” He sighs, rubbing the crook of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, “I should’ve never let things get the way they did. Should’ve never proposed that stupid fuckin’ idea in the first place. I know it’s been a year n’ all, but I still want you, baby. I wanna be with you, show you off, and love you out loud like y’should’ve been all along.” 

You still at his words. Love? 

“Love?” Your voice echoes your thoughts in a whisper, staring at him doe-eyed and shocked. 

“Yeah, baby. Love. Finally not a fuckin’ coward and can admit it. There’s no other woman like you. I wanna be with you, if you’ll have me.” The hopeful look in his eyes makes you want to cry. 

“I don’t want to get hurt again, Joel.” The thought of getting your heart broken again was something you knew you couldn’t bear. The circumstances may be different this time around, but you’ve worked on yourself so much and—

He grabs your hands in his, bringing them up to his mouth so he can kiss your knuckles. 

“I know. And I can promise you, from the depths of my very bein’, I’ll do everythin’ in my power to make you believe when I say I would never, ever hurt you again. It hurt me to see you like that, sweetheart. N’ knowin’ I did that? Absolutely fuckin’ killed me.” 

“I forgive you, Joel. I’m–I’m willing to give this a go, but please, for the love of god, take care of my heart.” 

“I promise, sweetheart.” 

-

Joel kept that very promise. A year later and your relationship with him was stronger than ever. He showed you off unashamedly. Truthfully, you were worried at first about what people would think about the age difference between you two, but no one really bats an eye at that stuff in Los Angeles like they would back in Austin. 

You got to experience the beautiful side of being loved by Joel Miller—soft, kind, attentive, insatiable. He was a man who was a jack of all trades when it came to being in a relationship, and you couldn’t have been happier with the leap of faith you chose to take a year ago. 

He’s reminded you every day how beautiful you are, has loved on you and cherished you every day, and if you’d let him, would quite literally praise the ground you walked on. 

He was all about you and he made you feel like the luckiest, sexiest woman alive. 

You wish everyone could experience a love like this. 

There were many bumps in the road, but it took all of that to get you to where you are now: incandescently happy and in love. 

You look over at the gorgeous brown-eyed man who was tracing circles over your shins that were thrown over his lap, burying himself in papers he was grading—the very same paper he first helped you on that started this whole thing. 

A soft smile spreads on your lips as you watch him intently, enjoying this little full-circle moment to yourself. 

He furrows his brows, and with a slight pout to his lips, pushes his glasses up his nose before looking up to lock his gaze with yours. He gives you one of those soft smiles that makes your heart melt continuously. He squeezes your shin in reassurance, always needing to be touching you in one way or another. 

He couldn’t get enough of you. 

“I love you, sweetheart.” The words slip easily past his lips, and you lean forward to give him a chaste kiss. 

It might’ve been a force of pure attraction at first, but your heart formed around him. 

He was yours, and you, his. This is how it was always meant to be, you think. 

“I love you too, Joel.” 

And you really do. 

You always will. 

tags: @ilovepedro ; @punkshort ; @nostalxgic ; @cool-iguana ; @pamasaur ; @untamedheart81 ; @harriedandharassed ; @endlessthxxghts

[tojiscrack]

i’ve become so obsessed with your liar liar fic that i’ve started to gatekeep it and i get jealous when i see other readers also enjoying it HAHAHA. is that a bad thing? I WANT IT TO BLOW UP BECAUSE IT DESERVES TO BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANNA KEEP IT TO MYSELFFFFFF.

it’s literally so underrated & so funny and well written. the way u write the characters is so funny to me, i love it because they’re canon compliant but also canon divergent at the same time? they basically have the same exact personality except if they were good (i.e. toji being selfish asl but not to the point where he’d kill people, or gojo and toji’s rivalry but it isn’t to the point where they’d kill each other, ougi being a strict ‘bad’ father but a not-so-evil version of that?). this is gege’s worst nightmare and after everything that’s happened in the manga, it’s my comfort fic.

I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO FIND IT BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DOOO. as an og reader, i wanna keep this gem to myself. I HAVENT EVEN TOLD ANY OF MY IRL FRIENDS ABT THIS FIC AND IM DYING TO.

i’m sorry for the late response, i still have multiple exams i’m studying for and school life’s just been extremely hectic so i didn’t get a chance to sit down and write up a response, but i read this a day after you sent it and i’ve got the time to reply!

the gatekeeping aspect… as the author-part of me that wants more people to read it, i’m like, well that’s effective for the growth 😭, but as the author-part of me that gets excited with comments like this, i understand the appreciation you must have for this story if you felt the need to GATE-KEEP It 😭❤️❤️ PLS IDK WHETHER TO CRY OR LAUGH HAHAHA ILY

the whole canon compliancy + divergency thing is exactly what i was going for, and i’m ECSTATIC that you’ve noticed it 🥹 i was trying to go for this completely new universe, like a parallel to the canon-verse where everyone’s just happy and dandy and we get a family vibe, yk? best way to do that was to take ogi, completely strip him of his evil-ness, or take toji and give him his wife so he won’t go on a killing spree, or to grab geto and slap some sense into him about why g*nocide is wrong, etc etc, and turn them into (at least) half decent human beings 😭

SOMEONE FROM AO3 ALSO SAID IT’S GEGE’S WORST NIGHTMARE AND I CAN’T HELP BUT AGREE 😭 you wait till i make a whole verse on GOJO’S friends and school life. he’ll hate me for sure by then.

now i feel incredibly guilty seeing as it’s now ur comfort fic and my updates are slow. nonetheless, it makes me so happy (knowing that i’ve made something that you can look at and genuinely feel comforted by it).

trying to squeeze out another chapter, but i have to put my studies first and my levi fic first (just this once), and then chapter 4 will be out right after. give me about two months to get things done (possibly less, tbh).

[nocturnalazure]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have a process for making your simblr posts?

answer in whatever way is most comfortable for you and feel free to share this SQOTD around, make sure to use the hashtag SQOTD and tag me in separate posts ~ 💛

This question was contributed by an anon in @simblr-question-of-the-day !

Thank you so much for your ask, Anon! ❤️

I gotta say, I had first understood the question at a very basic level. 😅 How do I make a post? Well...

I queue my stuff almost immediately and I keep a few character asks and reblogs for the times when I don't have any story content to post, but I don't like having too many drafts (like, "it's right there, I have to poooooost iiiiiit 🤪").

Story posts get published between 2pm and 4pm CET, at the pace of about 2 to 4 posts per day.

The rest (photo shoots, character asks and rambles, etc) gets published either at around the same time of day or whenever I feel like it.

But now, I see that other people have answered this question by explaining their creative process. So I thought I would also explain mine (haven't I done this before?). My process is quite similar to @kimmiessimmies, but I do things in a different order.

Timeline

I have a timeline and a very messy one! It used to be only in my head, then in a Word document, and now it's finally in an Excel sheet. It includes detailed ideas about the next scenes, where I'm going to shoot them, which characters are going to be involved, some lines that I absolutely need to use, and broader musings on where the story is going within a time frame of about 8,000 years.

It's a beast that's alive and constantly mutating.

2. Set up

Setting up a scene is easy prep work. If I don't have one in mind yet, I roam about some neighborhoods for a nice shooting location. I make sure that everything is in place for the next scenes: dressing up Sims, adding some story-related decor items, looking up CC if I miss something important, making sure I got all the characters I need in the same household and teleporting them on the lot I'm going to shoot in.

3. Pose selection / Shooting

Whenever I can summon enough energy and inspiration, I go in game and the first thing I do is pre-select some poses for the scene I need to shoot according to my timeline. From there, I go with the flow. I need to be hyperfocused because I'm in total improv mode. I use several poses in different angles. Sometimes a specific pose/expression gives me new ideas and I go in a different direction than what I had planned. Sometimes I cannot find the exact pose/expression I want and I have to work around that. Sometimes I'm inspired, sometimes I'm not. Very often, the game crashes and I get very upset.

The dialogues start taking shape while I'm shooting.

4. Picture selection / Writing

When I have enough screenshots to write at least one scene (although I generally wait to have several scenes ready), I start writing and make a prayer to my muse that I'll remember the dialogues I had in mind while shooting. That part is both the best and the worst. The best because I can really get "in the zone", and the worst because I easily have writer's block and get stupidly stuck on a line.

Through this whole process, I use Comic Life. I select a pic, smash it into my story template, select a speech bubble and start typing. Rinse and repeat. I sometimes rewrite entire parts, changing the order of the pics. I use about 40% of the shots I take. I do very little editing, only to correct clipping or lighting. Once I feel like I have enough pics to make an update (about 150-200 - I often have to repeat steps 3 and 4 until I'm satisfied), I export everything from Comic Life in jpg format. My husband is my proof-reader. I hate re-reading my own shit at this stage because it's smeared with my tears and blood and I just want it out.

5. Posting on Tumblr

Next I prepare the Tumblr posts, adding tags and scheduling everything. I post a preview, usually a day before the queue starts. Maybe I should leave some more time between preview and first post, but I'm too impatient to wait. IT.MUST.BE.OUT.

6. Posting on WordPress

I used to prepare the WP draft post at the same time as the Tumblr scheduling, with a date set for publication on the day of the last Tumblr posts. I don't do that anymore because I make minor edits all the frigging time and I then need to update both my Tumblr queue AND my WP draft. So I prepare my WP post once my Tumblr queue has almost run out. Since I use my WP mostly for myself, to keep some sort of table of content, it wouldn't be a big deal if I ever forgot to publish and was a few days late.

Voilà!

Like I said, a lot in common with my fellow Sims storytellers but in a slightly different order! I hadn't intended to write a whole essay, yet here we are. 🙃 Apologies, I'll shut up now. 🤐

Thank you again for the ask, Nonny!

[writtenbymkl]

Synopsis: Isn’t it every fan’s dream to get hit by a car? Especially if it’s going to be caused by the driver of your favorite NCT member? Oh, and a few days before you have to attend the concert at that.

Pairing: Idol!Mark x Fan!Y/n

Genre: comedy, angst, idol life, romance

Started: N/A

Ended: N/A

Updates: Saturdays

Author's note: I literally was doing my astronomy homework for the first time and actually trying to study when I was thinking about the Dream concert and camping when my brain was like "imagine you got hit by a car and it was mark" 0.0 so here's a new series dedicated to that because I'm bored and I love mark. I know I keep posting a lot of mark content but he's my bias and I know him a little more than the others, at least to write longer content not only that but I need requests to write because I completely blank for other members ^.^

EXCLAIMER: i’ll only commit to the series if there’s interest in it ! i don’t really want to be writing thousands of words if no one’s going to read so i wrote a sneak peek just to see if it gathers any interest !!

SNEAK PEEK

And I wanna be the best thing, I   

The best you ever had 

It’s a shame they took this off the setlist right after their Japan tour, you thought. A great way to start off your morning on the way to work. The coffee shop to be exact. Now, you didn’t exactly hate the coffee shop or working but you enjoyed the customers that came with it. Something new was happening every day, whether that be someone getting dumped and having an iced coffee poured on them or your coworker getting into a fight with a customer for not getting their order right. You enjoyed every single minute of it. 

You walk along the sidewalk to the beat of the song when your favorite part in Best Friend Ever comes on. And of course, the line goes to the one and only Mark Lee of NCT. You don’t mean to be biased but it’s not your fault they give him all the good lines.  

Nobody tries to get between us   

Get between us 

The day is almost here, the day where you get to see Mark and NCT Dream in the flesh. You’ve seen Mark about three times, Haechan twice, and the Dreamies once but there’s only so much you can handle. You made it your mission to get those tickets the second they went on sale. Your phone is holding two tickets to general admission which amounts to your whole paycheck. 

You see the coffee shop right across the street once you get to the crosswalk. You take a look at the people standing all around you, it looks like they’re heading somewhere as well. You notice someone looking at you from your peripheral view, so you quickly turn your head to face them. But not before your right airpod flies out of your ear. 

“What the heck, man,” you said as you lean down to pick it up from the ground. Great, now you have to clean it when you get to work. As you're in the process of leaning down, the same people that were standing around you are now walking forwards kicking your headphone further onto the street.

You get pushed slightly by the people as you try to look for your lost airpod. “Wait, don’t push me, hold on, I’m trying to pick up my headphone.” You quickly look up from the ground to see the crosswalk sign is at fifteen seconds, that’s enough time to find it.  

Suddenly, you hear three loud honks coming from the right of you. You look to your right and see a black BMV coming towards you, not too fast but also not slow enough. You don’t even have time to react before it hits you and knocks you to the ground a few feet away from where you originally were. Groaning, you feel an immense amount of throbbing in your head and feel something wet in your hair. You can barely move your legs since the car had impacted them, but you don’t think they’re completely broken either.  

You hear doors slam shut and hear two pairs of feet running towards you. You think there would be more but it’s only five in the morning. Your eyes are closed, and your ears are ringing as you try to slightly open your eyes when you hear muffled voices talking. 

“Oh my god,” You hear a voice panic. “We’re going to jail. I’m going to jail. These tiktoks about us going to jail are about to come true.”  

“Mark, calm down, go back inside the car, I’ll try to handle this. I don’t think you’re in the right state of mind to talk.” You manage to open your eyes a bit when you notice an older man who looks around his forties and another boy walking away from you. 

“Oh great, you’re not dead,” the older man sighs out while holding a hand to his chest. You let out a groan as you try to push yourself up. The man notices and rushes towards you quickly and puts a hand on your back. 

“Don’t try to get up, you’re not in stable condition.”  

“Yeah, you think?” You ask as you side eye him. 

“Mark, come help carry her so we can get her in the car,” he says while waving over the boy who was standing near the BMV. He’s wearing a white mask so you can’t see his face very well. 

“Dude, I am like so sorry we hit you, if it were me driving, this would’ve never happened. Except I can’t drive yet, so this guy is doing it for me.” The older man and the boy are both at each side of your body when they carefully lift you off the ground.  

“Yeah, and your guy completely ran me over and ruined my chances of seeing NCT Dream since what do you know? My legs are injured,” You bitterly say as you look over to the boy. His eyes are wide as he pauses. 

“Mark, what are you standing around for? We have to get her to the hospital,” You freeze.  

“What did you say?” You whip your head to look at the man.

 

“Jesus Christ don’t do that, you almost gave me a heart attack,” he sighs holding his free hand to his chest once again. “I said we have to get you to the hospital.” You whip your head back to look at the boy just for his face to be facing the other way. 

“Mark? Like Mark Lee from NCT?” You ask.  

“Haha, whaaat? Who is that?” His voice gets higher as he fixes his mask. Your right hand reaches over to quickly yank down the mask from his face.  

“Yo, what the-” You knew it. You would know that voice from anywhere since you’ve heard over thousands of times online. 

Your eyes are wide. “No way...”  

“Why’d you yank down my mask, oh my god,” Mark quickly says he rushes to lift it back on his face.  

“Oh no, this isn’t good,” The older man sighs. Turning your head to the right, you take a good look at his face.  

“And why the hell not?” 

“Because you’re a fan.”  

“Well cut my legs and call me shorty because I’m a fan with nonfunctioning ones,” You state. 

You hear Mark burst into sudden laughter. “Um, what?”  

“You guys are paying for my hospital bill, right?” 

[elizabethrobertajones]

[the TARDIS arrives at Gatwick airport in 1966 where Polly witnesses a murder]

The murder is going to be your other travelling companion who is a scot from the 1700s??? You can't just take him to present day Glasgow airport???????????

...

I'm really enjoying the 2nd doctor but largely in comparison to how the creep of time is introducing more and more recognisable TV drama standards and easing my 21st century brain into things in a more familiar way.

There was also a real churn of companions after the first squad departed so I didn't really check in with the end of the seasons with posts because they're not lining up their appearances and disappearances with ends and beginnings of seasons, so the binge watch doesn't have good start and end markers and makes it really easy to forget that that would have been a good place to make a post with an update.

While I can see from like the grand scope of history psychoanalysing the Doctor he let his granddaughter go and then sequentially collected 2 more girls of similar age to fuss over with the exact same language and affection and then they inevitably also moved on because they were randos and not his actual beloved family he could keep forever, so he accidentally just compounded that trauma, it also was kind of a whirl when you have to also skip chunks of missing episodes here and there, drastically shortening the time the audience gets with them. So he kinda burned through 2 replacement granddaughters in a week and then regenerated of old age.

I had really high hopes for the first adult replacement companion, err... Steven? he missed a ton of episodes including the whole set after his intro, and also his parting episodes. (The trend of the BBC saying all the costumes sounded like a hassle to recreate as to why there's no animation really lines up with what sounds like real problematic concepts for modern audiences so I think these episodes may just kinda. Accidentally stay lost. Oops, says the BBC.) Anyway this guy seemed really interesting from his intro then was just a shouty man who was probably rather fumbled in execution, or else only interesting in the missing content.

The 2nd doctor is someone who I know only from pop culture as a face who comes in slide shows of all the doctors, and literally nothing else. Looking at the lost episodes list and how the animated recreations are very recent, I can see how he was probably only known very well to people who really put an effort in to read or listen to deep nerdy fan Doctor Who stuff, and the whole show being on iplayer is such a new development I feel like it's the first chance for average half-invested people to only just meet him. And almost entirely as an animated character.

He inherited the adult companions from the last doctor - Polly and Ben - who are really good characters both of them. Or at least, Polly was from her intro episode and shows flashes of brilliance when not just being used as the screaming damsel (alas). She had great chemistry with the previous companion Dodo (who was a bit older seeming than the other "child" designated girls and liked fashion and clubbing so represented the granddaughter parade growing older and away from the Doctor I guess and just chose to stay in modern London off screen). Since Dodo never even came back to say goodbye, I was very disappointed she and Polly didn't get more than one episode to hang out.

Ben is an absolute treasure though, I'd recommend watching just for him because he's the most normal lad guy with a force of personality, and he's charmed me by basically just existing as a bloke who is a stalwart stand up guy being put in Situations. Missing a few episodes with him so I have no idea if we learn WHY he was in deep depression on introduction (the same episode that set up Polly) or if he was cured by having a sense of purpose travelling with the Doctor. It could also be once again the intro episode gives us chewy characters but then doesn't bother chewing them once we have them vs how all the modern companions are basically leading the show with their emotional plots. The episodes are very oriented still towards action and if the characters have challenging moments they are of course very repressed and British about dealing with it.

By season 4 when we have the second doctor he shows up acting all kooky and it's hard to tell at first if he's just like that because he regenerated and doesn't know who he is, but I'm far enough along now that while he's stabilised he's definitely trying too hard and has the same vibes as Matt Smith trying to follow Tennant did.

In this case, he literally seems not to have changed his clothes since the regeneration and I think it's been a whole season or two since he changed, and he's still wearing the First Doctor's suit hanging off him all too-large shirt and jacket, and the belt knotted at the front to keep his trousers up. It's very symbolic and knowing that he just tried to replace a beloved character but also watching it, he's really just playing along the tropes of what the Doctor is supposed to do and not contributing more than like, funny little quirks to the original formula, rather than being a whole different guy and it's just suffering the inevitable drag that happens when you do that and don't go hard in another lane.

In this case the only real change that's setting the action is that they're not having him be grandfatherly and don't have a companion he treats like a granddaughter, and are allowing the adult companions to help set a tone, so it's good the 3 of them have strong personalities (Polly's trap in the misogyny of the era aside) and are taking part in a lot of action because they can fill out a lot of the space around the Doctor and help actually give some personality to what's happening, since the 2nd Doctor is giving plot required meddling and nonsense but his personality is just not filling up the space like the 1st did. Far more mad scientist but without the forcefulness that I didn't even like from the 1st Doctor but at least was a real unarguable powerhouse performance.

Anyway all the episodes are missing where the Doctor heads off to 18th century Scotland and just collects a random guy there, so you jump right to him taking this lad to Sci Fi Scenarios and he's there in a kilt and freaking out about everything because he's got no reference. I was talking to my mum about all this and we agreed if you did the same to a 1940/50s guy he'd be almost as mentally unprepared but as soon as you hit the 60s and have people who've even heard of a space race you get companions who are ready to conceptualise things in a different way and don't feel as historical. The Modern Era Doctors could grab a 1960s companion if they felt like it and they wouldn't feel as out of place in terms of being able to understand casually what is happening around them at all times, is what I mean.

Interesting framework for like, a meta explanation for why the Doctor's travels suddenly kick into gear when he hits the 60s and starts sort of, having picked up companions from there and needing to go back there to drop them off and pick up new kids in the same week, begins to anchor to our modern time progression. Just because he hits the start of humans having a brain for space travel and thinking of modern sci fi concepts and understand the basic principles of science we still use as a baseline today, and he begins at the very start of when people were ready for that and in that very loop de loop way ends up following along the progress as he takes companions from further and further down this timeline in a semi-chronological order.

Although the modern ones all being FIRMLY from our present day does make it very funny that we've had a girl from the future as the 2nd granddaughter, and now a lad from the far enough past to make it REALLY weird in this early run when there didn't seem to be such strict rules on where people could come from to be an Official Companion.

Absolute "this would kill a medieval peasant" behaviour.

In a chunk of very lost episodes in the 1st doctor's run wikipedia described him taking a girl from Troy and accidentally getting her killed by space aliens in the far future. (I've also noticed he does a lot of killing thousands of people or carelessly exploding companions in the missing episodes... Talk about BBC propaganda XD)

I think after watching several episodes with Jamie the 1700s Scottish piper as a companion, he may be one of my favourites though, just because he's been in a long run of future episodes with lots of aliens and nonsense. Guy's fought Daleks and Cybermen and weird crab aliens and he's doing ALRIGHT for someone in his situation. Gold star for culture shock recovery.

I guess I will watch what happens to him when he sees an airplane for the first time now.

[thebettybook]

Hi hi Strawbetty, I have been a long time reader of your posts. I really love your writing and thoughts. For the fall event, I would like to request 19 and 25 with the letter B, reader already in an established relationship with Leona.

Thank you so much, sending many loves!!

Thank you for your request, anon! I got an identical request a few minutes after yours and I’m not sure if you requested twice or someone else requested the exact same thing 😅 Please let me know if that was you or not :)

My “Fall’ing For Ya” Writing Event info and prompt list for others who may want to check it out and request :)

Update/important note 4/22/23: MC!reader is gender neutral in all of the posts for this event

19. “Is that my jacket?”

25. “I’m here for you. Don’t forget that.”

B. Building a blanket fort with Leona

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

🍂 Leona woke up from his nap, stretching his arms as he sat up on your holed-up couch in the Ramshackle dorm living room. “Is that my jacket? And where are you goin’ in this weather?” Leona yawned as he saw you pull on his black-and-gold Union Birthday varsity jacket. Outside, droplets of rain streaked down on the living room’s fragile glass windows.

🍂 “Mhm, I gotta go give these lab beakers to Professor Crewel,” you set down a cardboard box on the floor and scurried over to Leona to give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek. “I’m already late.”

🍂 “Nope,” Leona captured your wrist and pulled you down to sit next to him on the couch. “No one’s goin’ out in that rain.”

🍂 The heavy rain made it unsafe for any student of NRC to step outside their classroom hallways, the dining hall, the library, and even their dorms.

🍂 “I have to,” your voice strained at the thought of all your errands today. “If I don’t give those beakers to Crewel for his next Magical Potions class, he’s probably going to give me and Grim detention. And then I have to help Ace and Deuce paint the roses…”

🍂 Your words stopped with a sniff, followed by tears that streaked down your cheeks like the rain outside. You became used to attending to your daily tasks and errands with a sunny smile, but you had to realize that all of these tasks and errands took a toll on you. It was difficult to keep a smile on your face when people were asking so much of you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say “no” due to your situation as a magic-less student from another world living at NRC for free.

🍂 Leona’s warm palms caressed your cheeks as he used his thumbs to gently wipe the tears from your face. Leona wasn’t the best at words of comfort; he was more of a blunt, straight-to-the-point kind of guy. So his next words, as blunt as they may be, came from a place of love: “You don’t have to do everything by yourself, herbivore. It’s only making you burn yourself out.”

🍂 Leona knew burnout all too well like an old nemesis. After all, Leona spent countless days and nights as a child studying literature, magic, foreign affairs, Afterglow Savannah’s economy…even practicing to control his own Unique Magic so that he could be recognized just as much as his older brother Farena.

🍂 There wasn’t anyone telling Leona to stop and to take care of himself back then, to tell him that he and his efforts were enough.

🍂 However, Leona couldn’t say “I know how you feel” to you, because your circumstances and his were different. He could never begin to fathom what it felt like for you to have to adjust to a whole new world with no family or a familiar face.

🍂 From the first day you mysteriously arrived in Twisted Wonderland and ran past him at the entrance ceremony, to the following days where you took on your new life in Twisted Wonderland, Leona wondered how you always had a smile on your face.

🍂 Even if he would outwardly scoff at such eagerness and bravery back then, Leona couldn’t help but admire you. You always showed him and everyone around you your best. And while he grew to love that about you, Leona now wanted you to know that you could rely on him, too.

🍂 You opened your mouth, ready to argue with Leona that you needed to go so that you wouldn’t let anyone down even if you knew going out in the heavy rain was unsafe and unreasonable.

🍂 Leona flicked your forehead lightly, knowing exactly what you were thinking. “Oi, listen. Crewel will understand if ya deliver the beakers later because it’s raining cats and dogs out there. Your frosh friends don’t need your help; they probably already got yelled at by Riddle for messing up the paint anyways.”

🍂 You chuckled despite yourself, imagining Ace and Deuce getting reprimanded by Riddle for messing up on painting the roses. That was something they would do.

🍂 A soft smile appeared on Leona’s face at hearing your chuckles. He took both of your hands in his, letting your palms rest on top of his. It was a symbol of him wanting to be the rock you could rest on.

🍂 “Leona,” you began, sniffling as snot began to dribble from your nose.

🍂 Leona hushed you by leaning in, his forehead touching yours. “I’m here for you. Don’t forget that,” Leona whispered. “Just like you’re always there for me, I want to be there for you.”

🍂 Your eyes began to water again. Leona never failed to show you that he cared about you through his actions. He would always carry heavy boxes for you without you having to ask him. He would always pull your stray blankets over you whenever he thought that you were asleep.

🍂 “Thank you,” you leaned back to wipe the snot from your nose with the back of your hand. “I love you.”

🍂 “I love you—,” Leona was going to say “too” before your phone’s ringtone cut him off.

🍂 You picked up, and Headmaster Crowley’s voice could be heard from your phone even without speaker on. “Y/N, WHERE ARE YOU?? This kind Headmaster has another task for you! I need you to check the school’s temperature—”

🍂 “No,” you cut Crowley off. “I’m not going out in this weather. Please get someone else to do it after the rain stops. After all, a ‘kind Headmaster’ such as yourself would understand, right?”

🍂 “Of course! Thank you for noticing how kind I am!” Crowley sang before hanging up, no doubt preening at being called “kind.”

🍂 “I’m proud of ya,” Leona stretched an arm across the top of the couch. “After the rain stops, I’ll help ya carry the box of beakers to Crewel. But in the meantime, what do you wanna do before then?”

🍂 Leona nuzzled the top of your head as you laid against his chest and pulled a raggedy blue blanket over the two of you. “Hmmm,” you pondered out loud. “Ooh! Can we make a blanket fort?”

🍂 “A blanket fort?” Leona leaned away from you a bit to gaze into your sparkling eyes.

🍂 “Yeah! Cheka always tells me how you make the best blanket forts, and today’s a good day for a blanket fort, don’t you think?” you unravelled a golden hair tie from one of Leona’s unruly braids and raked your fingers through his tangled strands.

🍂 Leona was skilled at making blanket forts. As a child, whenever there was a rainy day in Afterglow Savannah and Leona felt especially lonely since no one would play with him, Leona would build blanket forts in his room using a couple of chairs, pillows, and blankets. He would read books or simply nap in his blanket forts.

🍂 After his nephew Cheka was born, Leona continued to make blanket forts for himself whenever he felt down. When Cheka became old enough to crawl, the cub would always join Leona in his blanket forts back home. To Leona’s dismay, Leona’s blanket forts became an integral part of Cheka’s playtime.

🍂 “Whatever you want,” Leona hummed. “I’m not gonna do all the work though, so you’ll have to pull your weight, too, herbivore.”

🍂 You rolled your eyes playfully at Leona as the two of you stood up from the couch and began creating a blanket fort. In front of the couch, Leona spread the raggedy blue blanket on the wooden floor. He instructed you to place the living room’s two oak rocking chairs on opposite sides of the blanket.

🍂 Despite Leona telling you that he wasn’t going to do all of the work, he ended up making most of the blanket fort because he wanted you to rest and relax. You brought a thick and long quilt and some more pillows from your and Grim’s room upstairs. Leona pulled the quilt over the two chairs to create the blanket fort’s tent.

🍂 “That should do it,” Leona kneeled down to adjust the quilt over one of the chairs. You crawled into the blanket fort with your pillows.

🍂 “It feels so cozy,” you gazed up at your quilt’s patched patterns. “I can’t even hear the rain in here.”

🍂 Leona crawled into the blanket fort with the smuggest of smug smirks on his face. “Right? Do I make the best blanket forts or what?”

🍂 “You’re the king of blanket forts,” you leaned in to give Leona a peck on the cheek. Leona brought a hand to your back to bring you closer to him, and then noticed that you were still wearing his varsity jacket.

🍂 “You’re still wearing my jacket?” Leona’s smirk softened into a loving smile.

🍂 “Mhm, it always feels like I’m hugging you whenever I wear it,” you hugged yourself in Leona’s jacket. Leona gave it to you once the fall season started, and you practically wore it every day ever since.

🍂 “You could hug me right now,” Leona laid down and rested his head on one of your pillows. He patted the space next to him. You scooted towards Leona, and the moment you laid down, Leona captured you in his arms.

🍂 As the rain continued to pour down on NRC, you and Leona basked in the coziness of your shared blanket fort. Leona told you stories of his most ambitious blanket forts in the past, and the two of you planned on recreating his past blanket fort creations in the near future.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Little notes:

🍓 I like to think that Leona’s most ambitious blanket fort creation was when he was a kid and tried to stack up pillows and chairs so that he could create a blanket fort shaped like a castle. His stuffed animals were his “subjects” and he was the “king” of his blanket fort “kingdom.”

🍓 It’s been raining a lot these past few days where I’m from, so this anon’s request ended up being a comfort story for me :)

🍓 Also a gentle reminder to take care of yourself and rest 💖 you deserve it, dear readers

Important:

🍓I don’t own any of the characters I mention or write about; they belong to their original and respective creators.

🍓All content on this blog is created by me, @thebettybook. Do not modify, claim, repost or translate my work onto this platform and any other platform.

🍓Reblogs are appreciated. Want to read Leona romance fluff? Check out my masterlist

[stilldancewithyou]

This was posted earlier today. I have the updated article on my tumblr page. I think I’m ok with it if it happens. I think it heightens the emotions between Belly and Conrad. 🤔Thoughts?

Thank you so much (and shout out to the anons who sent me links. I'm gonna respond to all of y'all collectively with this one).

Honestly, at first my jaw was on the floor and I was just sitting there silently in shock. And I was kinda mad and upset. I just feel like they did this same exact thing with TATBILB and I just don't understand why she would spend so much time writing the characters a certain way and building such a beautiful little world with such respectful men and then changing such a big part of a characters beliefs and the way they were written. I know people are saying "JH is making it more sex positive and bringing the story into 2023" but tbh I don't think having a boundary and wanting to wait for the right moment (bc Belly DOES want to have sex (with both brothers at different points I'd argue) and she thinks about it in the books. she just wanted it to be special and the right moment). I don't think there's anything wrong with showing that and showing boys who respect the boundary and don't push it or force it. I think that is the most healthy thing you could show. Even though Jere has his flaws and gets annoyed about Belly not having sex with him, he doesn't really push her on it, he just respects the boundary and is silently mad about it. In hs my best friend had a boyfriend who was SUPER pushy, she was honest with him and kept telling him "no, i'm not ready yet" and he just kept pushing her about it, and eventually they broke up and she realized how awful that behavior (among other red flag behavior from him) was. I just feel like the message being sent to young girls today is not a good one and I was actually kind of excited to see a show that would portray sex in a different light. I clowned myself because I thought since JH is the showrunner, she'd keep the important things from the books. But I guess this is a battle we are losing lol. That Christmas scene was so so good in the book, and the way Conrad is with Belly, how he recognizes the importance and wants it to be special for her...I was really looking forward to that.

After much consideration, I think I'm actually okay with it, as long as it's Conrad. And I have a feeling it is going to be Conrad, in Cousins in December. That's kind of the only way it would make sense is if it happens there. Also the fact that they bring up the fact that she loses her virginity immediately following "Tung...wanted to ensure that key moments from the second book...carried the same weight and resonance when adapted for the screen". The first thing that popped into my head after I read that was the Christmas in Cousins scene, because I felt like that whole thing resonated heavily in the book and it was really important. Also if I'm right and it is Conrad in Cousins, it actually adds more flames to the fire and more angst to the 3rd book storyline, because if she doesn't sleep with Jere but he finds out somehow that she did sleep with Conrad, and then finds out she ended up alone with him in Cousins again and didn't tell him? Oh that will be GOLD. Jere sleeping with the sorority sister could still carry the same amount weight. Just because the audience knows she lost her virginity to Conrad doesn't mean any of the other characters are going to know. And Conrad strikes me as a guy who wouldn't kiss and tell (and especially his own jealous little brother and Belly's older brother lol). I think they could 100% pull off the rest of the plot and still have her give herself fully to Conrad. But I can see the secret coming out to Jeremiah in the heat of an argument and all hell breaking loose. I think it'll be fine. It has to be lol

also who's idea was it to drop this spoiler-ish bomb on us two days before the start of the season?? I just wanna talk

[winderlylandchime]

I feel like I have to keep you updated for these last few days and 70% of that is because I unfortunately made you all aware of my brothers existence and the other 30% is because he bullies me into telling stuff to his new ‘homies’. But also soooo much happened that i immediately thought to myself ‘i know a few people that would like to hear all this’ and my brother shared the same thought. So I apologize in advance for any spam that will happen in the next few days but I will also try my best to put it all into one message.

So first of all: MY BROTHER IS OFFICIALLY CLEARED UP TO GO HOME!! His tests all came back amazing so he is officially going back home on Sunday. Ngl the feeling is bittersweet because who is going to wake up half of the neighborhood with Sandstorm now and get stuck trying to climb a fence and force 50-60 year olds into watching qaf with him? And he’s taking the cat with him as well. Rude.

Anyway! I wish you guys could’ve seen him go into his lasy check up, he brought chocolates for everyone and got them each a card with personalized messages to say thanks for taking care of him. He was all happy and sweet, it was like a kid on Christmas. And then towards the end of the check up, one of the nurses was like ‘hey (his name), we actually wanted to give you a little something, to remember us by and also as a goodbye since you’re going home’ and they gave him a gift and guys, this shit was so freaking cute! They first got him some snacks he loves (he always came to the check ups with snacks and was offering them to all of the staff), but they also got him a penguin plushie (context: when he first came for the surgery, they told him to bring his pajamas from home since he will stay for a few days and he rolled up with two different penguin pajamas cause it’s his favorite animal..again this man is a grown 36 year old) And the plushie has the exact same scar on his chest/stomach as my brother does from his accident. And the surgeon goes ‘i made sure that they were identical, that way you’re no longer one of a kind’ because after the surgery when they showed him how it looked he was all high on meds and went ‘not gonna lie, this looks badass but fuck now i really am one of a kind and all alone.’ So the surgeon sewed the plushie to make it look the same. It was actually adorable as fuck! And my brother was all teary eyed about it. And then!!! the nurse goes ‘there’s one more thing inside and you have to check it now.’ And she explained that the nurse who knew about qaf (from when he ripped his stitches) is also a big part of this last gift. And it was a card and on the front it said ‘you’re cool but we really hope to never see you again’ (its kinda like a thing they say there bc it’s trauma department or whatever). Also sidenote: Did you guys know there’s a greeting/birthday card you can buy online that allows you to record a message and design the cover? So when you open it, it starts saying the message or whatever? Me neither. But apparently the nurses knew about it. So he opens the fucking card and Lover’s spit starts playing and all that is inside is a picture of Britin from the end of 3x14 where everyone is celebrating and they hug (Brian is like hugging Justin but he’s looking over him somewhere). And they go ‘you talked so much about that episode we figured it was fitting.’ And then they explained that the nurse who knew about the show helped them find the photos and everything and even fought them to make sure Lover’s spit is used since originally they wanted to put Cue The Pulse. And that nurse eventually won the “fight” because they remembered that my brother went on a whole speech when he watched 3x08 about the reunion scene. And my brother on the verge of tears goes ‘thank fuck cause this is way fucking cooler. No offense’ And that’s literally all there is in the card (well and all their signatures on the opposite side from the photo).

And then after the check up as we are leaving, the surgeon goes ‘well I think I can honestly say, that i will never ever have a patient like you ever again’ and my brother obviously took that as a compliment and went ‘well duuh, every other patient is boring compared to me’ and guys!!!! We were leaving, my brother is almost out the door, I’m already outside the office and the fucking surgeon goes ‘oh (his name), by the way, you were right. That proposal was ridiculous and the finale really did suck. In fact if it was up to me? I’d erase the entire last season.‘ and he’s like smirking at my brother and my brother (and me too ngl) is SHOCKED! And he starts stuttering and goes ‘you..you knew the show this whole time?’ And the doctor goes ‘don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t even know it existed but after your 3rd spiral over it, I had to check it out to see what the big deal was about it’ and then my brother was like ‘why didnt you say anything? We could’ve been buddies over it this whole time’ and the doctor walked up to the door and goes ‘Exactly’ and then he just slowly closed the door while waving to my brother and my brother was just standing outside the door not moving for so long, i had to drag him away. And he walked past the nurse and goes ‘he watched it!’ And the nurse goes ‘oh yeah, he came in one day and was like “you know that show (his name) is always talking about? Well my wife and i watched it and holy shit’

The whole car ride home, we were both in absolute shock. Him more but that’s because only one of us was giving full speeches and rundowns about episodes to the doctor. And as for the card? You know that scene in Easy A, where she keeps opening and closing the birthday card to hear the song? That’s what half of my Wednesday looked like.

Dear sweet anon and brother anon! I am so happy he’s cleared and discharged. That makes me so happy!

I am beyond surprised that the doctors and nurses all got him presents. Admittedly, any surgeries I’ve had have been done outpatient except for when I was 8 and 13, and with follow up only with my doctor so I don’t know what is common these days. But their presents! Those weren’t generic, we give these to all the patients, gifts. The penguin! With the matching scar! The card with the photo and Lover’s Spit! I’m dying.

And. The. Surgeon. Watched. Qaf. Like all 5 seasons. I am deceased. Ofc he didn’t tell your brother until the end. (Your poor brother has all these people doing things behind his back while he’s watching this show. He’s going to develop trust issues.) But he has all correct opinions.

Wait. As I’m typing this I realized. A trauma surgeon (if I understand correctly) watched prom and 201. He must have opinions about Justin’s injury and recovery. Wait. I have some questions. How comfortable does your brother feel calling up the surgeon and saying “so I’m tumblr famous and this rando girl who is equally obsessed with QAF wants to know what you think the long term effects of the bashing would be on Justin.”

I am just as shocked as both of you about this turn of events. What a way to start my Thursday.

[aceoflanterns]

Ok so the in the shortest way I can here is what happened (sorry for responding so late I actually responded a while ago but I’m pretty sure that didn’t send so I have to write this again :,)

So there is this island that some people are trapped on. The island is run by “the federation” and they are evil and they do t want the players to leave, we don’t know why

So they decide that the best way to make the players stay is to give them kids that they need to take care of , to be more exact they are eggs (that are played by real people btw they are not some AI like I thought for a while)

The important egg for this story is Juanaflipp the egg of Charlie Slimecicle and elmariana

Flippa died at 11 days old

It destroyed everyone but especially Slime, he when crazy when Flippa dies

He almost killed the other eggs out of grief, he transformed in an egg bc of the immense grief, so yeah he was not doing great

But after a lot of time and self reflection, he was making baby steps towards recovery

The the birthday stream happened

(Some context, on the server there are this monsters called the code monsters that are played by admins and the whole purpose of these guys seem to be killing the eggs. They can also shape shift to look like the eggs)

Most of the stream is goofy and lighthearted but then there are the last 15 minutes

Slime goes back home and he finds a book that said this

Then a path of torches appeared that lead him to a big underground cave

In the came there is this house and in the house she finds her

Juanaflippa

His baby

His daughter

His everything is here, alive, whit him

She starts placing signs that say things like “I missed you dad” and “happy birthday” in the same broken speech as the one on the book

Slime is understandably super confused but he spend care. All that is important is that he is whit his daughter

The Flippa says that “it’s dangerous for me out there” and “I’ll see you soon” then she runs off

Slime runs after her frantically screaming for her to come back, that he will do anything she says, that he will keep her safe, that she will kill anyone that comes close to her. He begged her not to leave him again but Flippa doesn’t stop running and Slime loses her

He is left crying, alone again

But before the stream ends he promises that he will satay here as long as it takes and that he will make flippa feel save again, no matter the cost

End strea

We, as viewers, know about the code monster and how it can mimic eggs but slime doesn’t. He fully beloved that his baby is back and he will do anything for her, which probably includes killing the other eggs (he already almost did that)

Anyway, I highly recommend watching the last 15 minutes of the stream bc Charlie Slimecicle is an amazing actor and the pain and desperation in his voice is incredible. I’m on mobile so idk how to share the link but just look up Slimecicle on twich and it’s the most recent stream, or you can look up Slimecicle vods on YouTube and watch it there when it gets uploaded

Sorry for any mistakes I made and for responding so late, hope that what I wrote makes sense. How you have a good rest of your day :]]]

damn man that’s A Lot 😭😭😭 listen i just had no idea what was going on in the qsmp from like . early june onwards . so i appreciate the update :]] (and i shall check out the stream because charlie slimesicle is an insane actor and it’s unfair to us all) thank you!!!!

[unholyplumpprincess]

what would be your best tips on getting into writing without being demotivated, while also writing for yourself? I always have the issue where even if I want to write something, I shape it and mould it into what I think others would like, so I lose passion and can’t bare to look at it again. considering how you’ve been writing for years now, I was wondering if you had any advice :)

Oh boy. So, I am not gonna sugar coat it: It is incredibly easy to get demotivated, depending on how you are as a person! For me, I need praise, feedback, comments, etc to really thrive! Reblogs and retweets are all well and fine, but it's comments and fun tags that really keep me wanting to write! (This strands for a lot of creatives as well and why commenting is encouraged too as a whole, but jic!)

That being said, despite that, I absolutely Love writing and showing off my unique writing + skill set of ripping apart characters under a microscope!

That all laid out: You say that you switch it to something Others would like instead, and I so get that! I used to change my writing so it wasn't as descriptive or otherwise bc I'd try and mimic someone else's writing style- which could be due to my autism, trying to mask and feel 'normal'!

(Oop this got long so gonna put it under a read more :D)

So for you: Why do you mold it into something you THINK and ASSUME others would like? Has someone told you otherwise? How many people? Or is it just that lil guy in ur brain whispering the 'what if's and preventing you from doing something you love?

What motivates you to begin with? What can you do to challenge that voice in ur brain? Asking yourself these questions and answering honestly can help a ton and help you adapt and figure out where your comfort areas are and where you can challenge yourself!

At the end of the day: You're writing for yourself, and there are Plenty of people out there who are looking for that exact thing you're writing. You'll make your day finishing it and being able to read back on it way down the line, and you'll make someone else happy!

But like I said in the beginning too, I'm not gonna lie, I finally got demotivated! I used to write a ton for Apex, over 100+ fics, and hardly got any feedback or comments and then another thing happened that was big (part of a zine where the artists were featured on Respawn but nobody talked abt the writers with it/the artists didn't stick up for us :/) that just completely Poofed me into not wanting to write, period!

So let's analyze that again because hey, I've written one or two things since then and am currently working on another: I found what I needed to adapt and shift my demotivation! I need praise/feedback, not a problem, now I have a beta reader (my beloved spouse and number one fan) who excitedly gives me praise and feedback whenever I send updates!

So! To summarize: Ask yourself the important questions of what motivates you, how can you challenge that horrible feeling of hiding your uniqueness, and what can you do to break that demotivativation when it strikes? Also, what drives you and how can you shift your perspective to encompass that and include things or someone that makes you happy?

At the end of the day you are writing for your present self, your past self, and future self, and it just so happens that other people share the same interest as you and that's a bonus!!!!

[khaleesiofalicante]

Oh, I have a lot of gossip to tell you!!!

Idk where I left the last update, so I hope this is right

Sooo, Thomas has been talking a lot with Emily recently, right? And he definitely likes her again. IKR??? What in the romcom hell is happening here?? They aren't "officially" dating again, but everyone with eyes can see something is definitely going on already

Yeah, sad. ANYWAYS! We are still good friends, like we continue to talk everyday and talk about our day, etc. It's not the same as it was, bit it's still good :)

Buuut, now the thing is everyone thinks something is going on between Andrew and me omfg😂

And we are totally platonic, but we do get along pretty well, and I kinda understand that people think that bc we are always together (bc, you know, that's what you do when you are friends with someone!! Of the same class!!! And we happen to sit together!!)

And also, we act kinda flirty without acting flirty. The other day we were looking for pictures of ourselves for a project and the conversation went something like:

Andrew: Oh, the other day I took a photo and I think it's my favorite one so far. I look kinda hot. Wanna see it?

Me: sure, show me!

Him: It's good, so prepare yourself

Me: I'll try not to faint! *He shows me the picture* Yeah, you do look hot

Him: right? Thanks!!

Me: look, I found this one of myself. I think it's also my favorite, I definitely look amazing in that dress!

Him: You can use that! You do look good!!

Everyone: ....

And we also talk so much about the girls we consider pretty (respectfully of course) and we give each other advice, or just tease each other about the people we liked or the people that liked us

We are both kinda aware that some people think we are going out but we don't really care

Aaand, just the other day Thomas and Emily were playing volleyball and one friend suggested that we joined them, but Andrew and I were like "let them have some moment just them"

So, my other friend said: "I mean it would be awkward if you two went there bc, you know, Emily used to like Andrew and Thomas used to like you, and now they are going out again after a not-so-nice breakup but now they think there is something going on between you two"

And we just stay there letting our situation sink in 😂

Also, not so fun fact: Apparently Emily and Thomas have been like, agreeing on what to wear somedays. Like, they both go of one color, or same flannels, etc (god, couples are so cheesy jdhskdhdj)

But the thing is, I accidentally keep bringing the things they wear😂😂😂 similar flannel, same color... Fuck, I accidentally wore almost the exact same overall as Emily once. I high fived her about it but that's not the point!!

This is getting annoying tbh, but also it's so freaking hilarious lmaooo

That's it with the update with the mess of my life ;)

How are you doing??? Hope you did one nice thing for yourself today🔪🥰

💙.💙.💙.

*crying softly* i love gossip thank you so much 😭😭😭

"everyone with eyes can see something is definitely going on" - I SCREAMED AT THIS. I WANT TO USE THIS IN A FIC. THIS IS POETRY.

i love how everyone is obsessed with the four of you dkjnckjandkc LIKE THEY DEFINITELY HAVE A GROUP CHAT BRO. THEY HAVE A GROUP CHAT TO DISCUSS THIS SHIT.

straight couples matching their outfits should be a crime. like don't do it.

This whole thing is giving me Euphoria vibes (idk if this is complimentary or not lmao) and I am here for it.

Me and You and Andrew at this point:

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Totally did something I was not expecting.

Work on story: No

Work On Art: No

Had all the resources infront of me ready to get a few ar Peices done. 😏🥴😖😓😒😒😒 YES!!!

What did I do instead you may ask???

Open the Sheet music app and began retooling my song front two years ago that was originally the main theme for the first act. Or at least the first half of the first act. I took advice from friends and family that it just needed a little something more at the start and end. There was a good oomph as start made me think battle scene... but it needed something. I finally thought of the sound I wanted.

Found the Drum Rills I wanted (Though it took hours to find the exact one I litterlaly typed the exact words in the name and toik hours to find some reason and countless searches).

Found a bell sound I was totally like Yeha that could eb a fun opening..

Theb thought, eh I made the document. Might as well plop the opening down.

I have problem currently staying up all night zi guess.😓🤣😂😅😅😅

Yep, spent all night working on the song. I ahve to admit the guitar part so uh nds coll. The opening including open ik gn chorus. Sounds awesome. Maybe a few tweeks here and there. I restyled and also redid the notations and the octaves of tlntoss as well as their notation time signatures to fit with the new speed and design I'm going foe with the comic. And funny enough didnt even get the main theme in there this was all the themes that combine with it

Later parts are a but messy. But blhoenstly first minute sounds pretty cool, totally plants an image. So I hope it works out. Just have to retools thjnklgs Inliked about the old open in ng a but more before ri works. But after alls said and done what leads into the opening a piano followed by a guitar pick iij ng up thebebat a bit. Can say it sounds far better then the old music.

All the same cnat believe how much time I spent on it. But I got started on the new angle I'm going for. And it kinda gives a real atmosphere to it. Hopefully you guys will like it I've studied both college level and under music practically my whole life but I'll say 25 years practically since I was 5. So writtinflg music is soemthing I often do. I just havent really performed my lyrical stuff. I even have a lyrical song or a few I came up with for the comic. Although, I'm not sure they will fit with the comics main theme.

I will say thebprologues theme has been ready and done for 2 years now. And yeah I'm not changing that puppy. Its... well saying anything will give away a plot point. I'll just say it will get you're heart pumping... in a scary kinda way. Showed it to friends and family and they are like "Okay that was freaking creepy. That, you wrote that miss ray of sunshines?" I just knew what I wanted for teh prologue had a certain tone I wanted setting in. And it worked.

Well heres today's update for you. I'll probably post some pic later today. But till then take care. I'll see if I could post a snippet of the song later tod sass y or in the next few days. Probably will have to use one of my actual music programs to do that without saving and unfinished product.

... but till whatever update comes next.

Take care and have a blast.

(Ps. I knwo how to play the harp and paino. However, I dont own a harp anymore where I used to rent closed its doors long ago. And my piano is a keyboard I've had since 7 whose cord keeps absconding from me, so if your wondering I can play instruments I jsut have difficulty keeping track of them thus I use programs instead) I recently fo uh nd recordings I made at my families property two years ago on the old family piano, just me silently at night alone plucking out cords and slowly creating a song, and occassionally messing up... it was when I was first figuring out Lenna's theme. At the time trying to keep it more towards H.S. in theme and sound. This has since changed and I'm leaning more towards the other inspiration that shaped most of the characters since the start. So the sound has since changed. It used to have a country western sound to it.

[zillaofthevalley]

so far, so okay

well, well, well...long time no chat. how the hell are ya? it's been a minute since i've last tumblr'd and i was actually on the other day. on the 10th it was my 21st birthday and i wrote out this lengthy lengthy message about a whole spiel of things and then scrapped it for whatever reason so here we are again. i have a few life updates and things i would love to chat with you about. since i last posted a lot has changed i'm not sure what was in my first post but here i will give you the low down of where i'm at now.

first and foremost, i got a new job! and now, as of today, an even newer job. see, back in may i started at this coffee shop by my house and while it is work that i really enjoy doing it has come to a head where it has become a gossipy, he-said, she-said moment where i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. one thing that i dislike is having to fight for people to deem me a trustworthy person because i know me and i really dislike individuals who judge my character incorrectly. this being said, i am beginning a new job in about 3 days as a political canvasser for reproductive rights, which i am really excited about. especially since this is my first presidential election i am able to vote in. it is a Monday-Friday job, and i will be making $6 more an hour than i currently am just starting off, so...needless to say i am very excited.

since january, i am still with the same boyfriend. we just celebrated our 10 months this past week. i want to start to keep our relationship more private because i think that will really benefit us in the long run but in short, he is such a sweet, respectful man i love him with my whole heart and i really see us going the distance. so, so much love to you J.

on the education front! i finished up my second semester in may and i really loved this past year of school. being in community college is of course a lighter course-load than say a university may be but i have found the classes to still be very rewarding for me and i am very proud of myself for how far i have come. i am starting my 3rd semester, (technically a sophomore woohoo!) and i am taking some more "prerequisite" sort of classes to see what is really calling to me. i am an art major at heart, but do i see that taking me somewhere more socially speaking? i'm unsure! i'm still so young, i just turned 21 and the world is my oyster. now is when i should start taking these risks like starting a new job out of 'nowhere' when really i knew my coffee shop job might not be conducive with my new school schedule. i want to take risks and try new things and i need to put myself out there. i'm really nervous and scared but more than anything i am damn excited.

socially, things have been touch and go. i have had a few friends show their true forms to me within these past couple months and it has definitely been an eye-opening experience finding out who is a true friend and who is only around for their own benefit. one thing about me is no matter how many times i get knocked down i will always love the exact same. i will still remain gentle and graceful and will not seek revenge because karma will make you pay in full and i will be minding my business posting anonymously on Tumblr.

so much love, zilla.

[elxy-x]

life updates, feelings, thoughts, and growing pains.  Chapter 1

hey there. It's really been a time for me and my spiritual growth. I don’t where this path is leading me in life sometimes and it scares the shit out of me. I’ve lost a lot of people that I always thought were going to be in my life, yet here I am still going. The only constants in my life have been God, my parents and my family. But then again, I guess that’s all I ever really needed. I’m really learning how to be whole by myself. Ironic because I am dating someone named: Austin Taylor Gabriel. The name has a good ring to it. I can for sure say that from what I have seen so far I like his mentality on things and he adds to my happiness, which I absolutely adore. I still live in a lot of regrets and the guilt sometimes eats me alive a little. This is the consequence of my actions, the best I can do is learn and change for the better. I’ve been having a hard yet, easy time adjusting. I know really know that we never really get to keep anyone in our lives. If we are lucky-- we get to “keep them” at least until they pass away. Some people-- a lot of people really just come and go to teach us lessons, to brighten our days, and make a gloomy day seem like we still have a fighting chance at the perplexing thing called life. Some people grow to be your best friends and stay for life. I am learning to let go with grace, no resentment...it’s ok. Really, it is guys. I realized this is was the most whole I have ever been in my life when 2 of my best friends departed from me. The crazy part is that I was still happy deep down inside when these series of unfortunate events occurred. I can’t sit there and be upset about anything because I see people die every day at work and life is way too precious. I would be doing Mr. Rodgers an injustice or other patients that I work with. I think to myself: “if they can still smile and they are bed bound-- essentially. chained to a bed, then who the hell am I to not live my life to the fullest? I have to live my life happily and to the fullest, for God, me, and lastly to the people that can’t anymore. I am still fighting my demons every day, but it’s going really well. I am 37 days sober and I don’t really miss the alcohol which is weird. 

Chapters 1 and 1/2 

I have met a wonderful human being at a very strange time in my life. Right when I was done with relationships and trying to make things work. He goes by the name of Austin Taylor Gabriel. He is absolutely incredible. He is very caring, humble, funny, super goofy, and is always willing to try new things for me. “Hell was the journey, but it bought me heaven.”  Come to think of it now, if I would have met Austin any sooner I don’t think I would have cherished the connection as much as I do know. I went through so much shit and trials and tribulations and was about to just give up on the idea of finding someone that it made me appreciate finding someone like him. He’s very different for sure. Last weekend it was spent together with him, I danced with him in his living room ( country dancing to be exact). It was magical like I had met him before already. He’s the best buddy that I never had in a significant other. We both feel the same way. he asked me out at his house on March 2nd around 11pm or midnight. Shortly after....well you know how it goes. We had sex to Taylor Swift in the background, her folklore album to be exact. And let me tell you. That. Shit.Was. Magical. Everything about it. Also, this is the 3rd time I’ve had sex with Taylor Swift on in the background. Its my guilty pleasure. Things are easy with Austin, super easy. We think a lot alike and respect each other much. The first flower that he bought me were sunflowers, although they were rather dead lol, and he bought me journals and beautiful pens so that we could get to know each other.   He’s very supportive, is always excited to see me, and has beautiful blue, green, gray, teal colored eyes that are my favorite to look at while he is “smitten” looking at me. Austin may have just “came at the right time in life and I am very lucky” per my therapist, but honestly. I want to figure things out for me now. I want to make me happy and be there for my first. For the first time in my life, I am putting me first, learning to say no for my mental health and I'm not afraid to do so. I’ve taken so pictures with Austin at the Photo Booth where I used to all the time, I've decided that its time to make some new memories. Austin is very attentive, gives me my space, is very understanding, and is very attracted to me, haha. I met this man right after I ended things with Josh Beckham, and guys let me tell you this was a blessing in disguise. I haven’t met the new me yet, but I'm sure she would be proud of all the choices and the decisions that I have made. I was getting the bare minimum with Josh and didn’t see it becuase I was told I was being “unreasonable” too “overwhelming” and “too much”, but it was the other way around really. My last words to him were: “Please do not contact me unless you want to make things work. I want to find my husband.” I  And that’s  what I did. I focused on my own short comings, as I still am and here I am. I trust God with all my heart and I don’t know why he’s doing what yet, but I know it will all make sense later for sure. He has never let me down. I find peace now in just being alone....maybe thats why my parents just like being alone...it’s just easier. Spending time alone is one of my favorite things to as of now.  I have picked up new hobbies: running, photography, tennis and biking all coming here soon this summer! Austin will be my new jogging buddy. Cheers to new chapters.